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#closeted people and relationships happen all the time everywhere like shit is hard and confusing
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sorry but the LAST thing i feel is bad for any white millionaire celeb profiting off of appearing vague about their sexuality and using lgbtq imagery being called gay by fans 🤡 
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dclsbaby · 3 years
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mykonos-crossed lovers (part i) 🦋
🎶 playlist for part i
prologue
part ii
part iii
part iv
Summary: When you drunkenly book a girls trip to a tropical Greek island to help mend your broken heart, you would never for a second think it will take you exactly to where he is. Him. A tale of the right person at the wrong time, an overused cliché made into plots of movies you never thought would live through in your reality. Two people, still madly in love with each other, hearts still broken, suppressed by the alcohol and distractions consumed on this trip. Will they let their egos get in the way, protect what’s left of their already broken hearts, or will let their hearts speak?
Word Count: 2.6k
Warnings: angst?
Author’s Note: hi everyone, thank you so so much for the responses to the prologue! I am so overwhelmed and did not expect to receive so much kindness it makes me wanna cry hahaha 🥺 thank you a thousand times over! and if this is your first time getting to know the fic, I highly suggest you read the prologue before diving into part 1! This chapter is sort of a filler chapter (I know it has 2.6k words lol), it shows how (y/n) have been doing since the break up & how the trip came about, I hope it’ll make sense once you read it 🤍 thanks for reading x
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It’s been months since you last spoke to him. Him. The thought of him still hurts. The idea of him existing without you, hurts. As much as you try to fight it, you still remember him like the back of your hand. You could draw on paper the contours of his face by memory, by instinct, like remembering your way home. He was a love you have never experienced before. Something about his magnetism seemed impossible to resist.
You and Dominic broke up nearly half a year ago. Your hopes of an amicable breakup were destroyed by him. His confusion, his anger, his frustration made it impossible for you two to stay friends. He couldn’t even begin to imagine being just a friend to you when his entire heart belongs to you. He called you selfish for leaving, he called you stubborn for having your mind made up without letting him put up a fight when he was ready to battle anyone, even you, to save your relationship.
The first few months were difficult, but the first few weeks were excruciating. You barely ate, as the numbing in the pit of your stomach constantly made you nauseous that your body couldn’t digest anything you ate. You couldn’t bring yourself to shower and get dressed, and spent days laying in bed, wallowing in sadness. Overtime, you just learn to live with the pain.
Since then, you’ve had good days, and slowly but surely stopped faking smiles and replaced them with genuine ones. But your bad days felt like hell, with your mind often teasing you with memories of him that you’ve suppressed enough to compartmentalise, then it comes back to you all at once, and consumes your entire soul. The pain is suffocating, like being crush by tidal waves, leaving you no time to run for shore, the waters dragging you, pulling you in many directions. All you could do was be still, stay paralysed, and pray that it goes away. That’s what remembering him felt like.
Then on other days, you often wonder how you were able to manage all this, with the pain still fresh whenever you think about it, but I guess we’re all guilty of pushing our feelings to the side and pretending that everything’s alright, when it’s the opposite. You’re still alive, despite it all. But you want to live, not just survive.
The truth is, you did not leave because you fell out of love. In fact, you were too in love—it’s a crime. He was your entire life. Days were spent waiting for him to come home from training and matches. Missing him during away games. Your entire happiness depended on him, and that terrified you. You weren’t happy with yourself either, and expected more out of your life. The burden of having a prosperous career, a stable income, a life for yourself that you loved, becoming too heavy to bear. You had all these dreams and goals set for yourself that you never got to actualise so you could be by his side. Your love for him was insurmountable, that you couldn’t accommodate anything for yourself. No matter how hard you tried, you will always put him first. It was natural. Even though he never asked for all your attention, you couldn't simply choose between yourself or him, because you would always choose him. Over and over.
So you did what you had to do, break your own heart, and his, to love yourself.
Since your breakup, you finally moved out of your friend’s place and got yourself a nice two-bedroom flat at the city centre with a stunning view of the city. You landed yourself a job as a junior editor for British Vogue that demands commuting to London several days a week. As you thrive in difficult situations, the breakup forced you to submerge yourself in work, mainly to avoid the pain, but it propelled you to get to where you are.
Trying to get over someone who is in the public eye was a different battle. It seemed as though everywhere you went, he’s there. You see him on billboards, TV screens, his face painted on murals, quickly becoming a tourist site. Occasionally, you would watch his games out of habit, and listen to the prideful Evertonian crowd chant his name. You witnessed his first England senior team debut, and tuned in to England v. Wales on the TV for old time’s sake. You watched him score his first senior England goal behind a screen. Your eyes welled at sight of him living his dream, poaching the ball into the net, scoring the first goal of the game, making his country and family proud. You feel the rush of adrenaline he felt as he ran to his teammates and celebrated. You can’t help but share this sense of pride, as you’ve watched firsthand how hard he has worked to get to where he is.
But on days where he isn’t on your mind, you do not want to be reminded of him. It’s difficult to cope when you encounter pieces of him that takes you back to the worst day of your life, and his.
Like last night, for instance. You had been scrolling on your social media when it was brought to your attention that a magazine had published an issue with your ex on the front cover, spotted on a night out with a blonde you don’t personally know but you could’ve sworn you’ve seen before. Perhaps another one of those so-called “influencers”, you thought to yourself. You know that you have no right to feel jealous or upset, as you broke up with him and this was bound to happen, but selfishly, a part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t find anyone else, or at least not before you did. You’re frustrated at yourself for letting him have this effect on you even months after your break up.
Succumbing to your bad habits, you give in to your impulses and pop open a bottle of red wine to calm your growing anxiety. Two glasses of wine, a takeout, and a season of Gossip Girl later, you find yourself slightly drunk, nerves calmed, and a little drowsy so you quickly change into your satin pyjamas and tuck yourself in bed.
You decide to turn on the TV for some background noise and quickly close your eyes. By some twist of fate, you hear a painfully familiar voice giving his thoughts at the end of a game he’s won. The sheer volume of his voice on the TV causes a sharp pain in your chest as you scramble to reach for your remote in the dark, with your eyes half opened. and change it to anything but a sports channel. That’s it, you thought to yourself. I need to get the fuck away.
Still drunk and not entirely aware of what you’re doing, you reach for your laptop on the nightstand. The brightness made your eyes squint a little bit, but you managed to type out a link and open a travel booking site, and scroll through different pictures of tropical islands you’re longing to get to. Anywhere but here, you thought. You selected options that you thought looked the blue-est, the most expensive, a party town, and had the most five star restaurants.
By the end of it you have booked a return flight to Mykonos for 5 people where you will be staying at a grand, luxurious 5-bedroom villa located at the party central of the island. You couldn’t be bothered to check how much it cost you. All sense of ration gets thrown out the window when you mix heartbreak with alcohol. When you told your friends of what you had just done, it was safe to say that they were surprised but absolutely ecstatic that you have booked a much needed getaway with the girls. With a three-day notice, you all quickly scramble through your closet and go on an online shopping spree to pick out your outfits for the holiday.
***
Days later, you find yourself landing on Mykonos island on a sunny afternoon.
“I can’t believe you’ve managed to pull all this off within days,” your friend says as you all walk through the pebbled entry way of your villa, and open the door. “Holy fucking shit,” another friend says in awe of the sight. The villa was filled with white interior, bright lights, wooden tables that give off beach vibes, and an infinity pool where you could swim as you watch the sunset, with a view of the blue sea. With 5 bedrooms to choose from, your friends collectively decided that you should take the master that had direct access to the pool, which you happily accepted but it wouldn’t matter anyway, as you’ll all probably stay in one room.
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Once you’ve unpacked, you pull out your white cardigan and make your way out the terrace to catch a view of the sunset and have a moment by yourself. You take a deep breath of the fresh air with a hint of sea breeze as you try to take in the stunning view of the island. You are filled with gratitude as you bear witness to something so beautiful as you watch the sun sink into the blue Aegean Sea. Despite the peacefulness exuded by the view, your heart can’t help but feel Dom. You remember when he had brought up wanting to spend this exact summer in Mykonos with you, but life had other plans.
***flashback***
Dom was laying in bed with his laptop screen on his chest, an arm to support his head as he scrolled through the travel booking site. He had been looking through different options, but he has his mind set on a lovely town in Greece, Dubai’s overrated after all, he thought.
“Me, you, blue skies, tanned skin, bike rides around town, what do you think love?” asked Dom. “Where’s this?” you ask, moving closer to him as he shows you his laptop screen. “Mykonos. It’s not too far away, I’ll have enough time to rest before pre-season starts,” he replies. “That sounds like a plan,” you smile at him. “But we’ll book it closer to the summer, yeah? In case anything comes up,” you said as you plant a kiss on his cheek. He nods as he bookmarks the site and drifts off to sleep with you shortly after.
Unbeknownst to you, later that night he quietly opened his laptop and quickly booked the trip for you two as a surprise. Anything that will come in the way will just have to be compromised. He was adamant to make sure he gives you the best summer of your life, it is what you deserve after all, he thought.
***
You had forgotten about your conversation with Dom until you stood on the island. Your thoughts were interrupted by your friend’s footsteps. “Hey, you okay babe? You’ve been out here for a while,” she asks with concerned eyes. “I’m alright,” you said. “Or I will be,” you add, giving your friend a forced smile. Your friend wraps her arm around your shoulders as you two make it back inside to have an early and quiet night with the girls, exhausted from all the travel.
***
The next day you woke up a little late, with only several hours to tan before having to get ready for your dinner reservation at one of Mykonos’s famous restaurants that looks over the sea. A little frustrated at yourself for sleeping in, you went to the bathroom to wash your face, put on some light makeup, and change into your swimwear.
You join your friends who are sprawled on the sunbeds. “So, where is this place again?” you asked your friend who booked the dinner. “A restaurant by the sea located at party central babe. Everybody, I mean everybody goes here. They’ve got the best food and music,” she replies. “Think of Mamma Mia 1,” another friend chimes in. Your eyes widen at the imagery. “Better have some great alcohol too, I’m desperate for some,” you laugh. “That’s my girl,” your friend says.
***
By the late afternoon you and the girls are getting ready for dinner. Makeup bags and its contents sprawled on the floor, you had to tiptoe around makeup products and brushes, careful not to step on them. After long deliberation, you decided to dress up in co-ord that hugs your figure and fits you like a glove, paired with your favourite heels, settling for an elegant yet fun look. You decide to keep your hair down and put on some natural makeup to balance out the bold colour. After about 30 minutes of taking pictures of each other and some group photos, you finally made it out the door.
The location was spectacular. The ambience was complemented with bright lights to lighten the dim Mykonos sky that has turned a shade of dark blue, almost purple. The food was divine, a little overpriced for your liking, but it was worth it. The restaurant turns into a nightclub close to midnight, and you and your girls were eager to start your first round of drinks. Fruity drinks were passed around, made with fruits freshly picked from the gardens. Watermelon margarita was your drink of choice, partly sweet, partly sour, and just enough tequila as your first drink of the trip.
The restaurant was packed, you could’ve sworn you had seen a star of a Spanish series you’ve just finished watching on Netflix. The guests were well dressed, many had bravely eccentric taste, mixing patterns and sparkly jewellery, paired with funky footwear to add some flair. In Mykonos, you will not encounter the same judgment as you would walking down the streets back home.
Your friends stood up to dance the second the alcohol kicked in. You took your time, savouring your drink, wanting the night to last. You smile at the sight of your happy friends, so full of life, not giving a single care in the world. As you’re sitting there, observing people, you suddenly feel your chest get heavy. It’s hard to put into words what this feeling is like, but it pushes you to shut down in social settings, overwhelmed by strangers and loud music that makes your ears ring. It is a feeling of unexplained anxiety, where you need a second to correct your breathing, and calm yourself down. Not now, you thought, not here. You often feel these random bouts of emptiness since you left Dom. You try to push the discomfort away, and think of anything else but him. You stood up and walked to the edge of the restaurant by the white border wall to get some fresh air, and take in the view of calm waves under the night sky to collect some peace of mind.
You place your elbows on top of the border, and rest your head on the palms of your hands. A bystander would think that you’re a scene from a movie, a damsel in distress, longing for her love interest. But this was no movie, no fairytale, no knight in shining armour to protect you, no lover to sweep you off your feet.
Or so you thought.
Your focus on the sounds of splashing waves was interrupted by familiar footsteps, getting louder and louder as it creeps its way closer to you. The scent of the sea began to mix with an all too familiar scent of tobacco vanilla. Only one person came to mind. It can’t be, you thought.
“(Y/N)?,” his voice breaks.
It’s him.
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neptunetheplanet7 · 2 years
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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞 - 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞
DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!
;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader
;modern au, band au
word count: 2.1k
warnings: swearing, anxiety, hitch…, gross couple stuff, fluffy in the beginning, angst toward the end
listen to the music masterlist
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Between band rehearsals and time at home, you were happier than you'd ever been. You and Mikasa were officially an item. Honestly, it was hard for you to believe.
Three full days and nothing had gone wrong. Maybe Hitch's threats were empty after all. Admittedly, you were a little worried she'd be right on your tail after you and Mikasa became official.
But there was no way she'd know, anyway. Only the rest of the band and your friend group knew about your new relationship.
Mikasa was never one to care about social media so the public not knowing for a little while wouldn't be a big deal.
You wanted the fans to be aware but you had to be sure you were clear of Hitch before you announced it. You wanted to be sure you'd completely shaken her off before taking to the socials.
Perhaps the scene at the restaurant really was her last stand. You hadn't heard from her since and you were too caught up in your own fear of her to reach out.
Her outburst was something you thought about in times when you weren't focused on your girlfriend.
You were actually a little worried about Hitch. What she said stunned you for sure but so many other things happened that night that you had barely even dwelled on it before you and Mikasa started dating.
It was easy to tell that every word she spoke came from a place rooted deeply within her. You never expected something like that from as calm a person as Hitch. Based on the way she escaped that night, neither did she.
After the kiss with Mikasa, you were too wrapped up in your own doubtful mind to even give Hitch a second thought.
Yet there you were, your thoughts consumed by her while you helped set up for Eren's party.
"Y/n!" Armin called from the floor. His voice was startling and you almost fell off the ladder he was holding.
"What, Armin?" You put a hand to your heart and steadied yourself by pressing your palm to the wall.
"Why are you taking ten years to tape streamers up? They don't even look good because you've got your head in the clouds! Just let me do it." They let out an annoyed huff and motioned for you to come down the ladder.
You obliged and held the ladder steady for Armin to climb up. They started fixing the streamers while mumbling an insult or two about how they were placed.
Eren was on the back porch attempting to put up string lights, which was usually Jean's job. Instead, he was on the phone with Niccolo, who so graciously offered to cater, at the kitchen counter. Mikasa was going around all the rooms and hiding expensive or prized possessions so nothing important got destroyed.
She then walked into the kitchen and sent you an affectionate smile while stacking away plates that used to belong to your grandparents.
You smiled back and took one hand off the ladder to grab hold of her arm before letting her walk to the fridge. Armin swatted your head. "Will you stop dilly-dallying? Hold the ladder steady!"
Jean made a silent gagging motion at you and Mikasa before turning back to the phone.
Although she was hiding her face in the fridge, you still noticed the hint of a smile on her face.
Armin smacked your head again. "I'm gonna get another head injury if you don't hold the ladder steady!"
"Christ, Armin. I got it, okay?" You gripped the ladder with both hands but fought the urge to tip it over. He really took decorating seriously.
Mikasa left the room after putting everything valuable into a closet and getting a drink.
Jean got off the phone after fifteen or so minutes and Eren came back inside to ask for help with the lights. Armin gladly halted his work with the streamers to go help him.
So you were back on decorating duty. You moved the ladder to another part of the kitchen to finish up with the streamers.
After everything was set up, the sun was beginning to set. It was around seven p.m.  People would be arriving soon so you all got dressed and ready for the party.
Sasha and Niccolo were the first people to arrive since they were the ones bringing all the food. Once they got done with putting the food out more people began to show.
First, it was the rest of your friend group. Then, it was people Eren knew but you didn't. Finally, it was so many random people that you lost track of them all.
It was now dark outside and your house was filled with people. Jean and Marco were at the front door as light security to make sure douchebags such as Floch didn't get in.  
The one time he did he broke a bunch of expensive vases. That's where the ritual of hiding valuable stuff came from. You could never be too careful at big parties like these.
Music was blaring through your house, making it impossible to hold a steady conversation with your girlfriend, who stood in front of you. 
Instead of talking, you both decided that dancing would be the better option.
What surprised you was when she started getting handsier with you as the songs progressed. She was never one for physical affection in places with lots of people so you were a little confused, but you didn't mind. 
"Guys! Reiner said he's gonna jump in the lake!" Eren shouted at you and Mikasa. He looked like he was out of breath.
"What?" you yelled back.
"The lake is fucking freezing! You can't swim in it this time of year or you'll straight up die! Holy shit- let me catch my breath. I just ran up the lawn and a flight of stairs. Fuck, I'm so out of shape!" He was still yelling since the music hadn't gotten any quieter. The stupid birthday cake hat on his head was slipping off. 
"Should we stop him?" Mikasa shouted. 
"Yes, we should fucking stop him! Everyone out there is cheering him on! The only reason he's held back is because Armin is stalling him! He's the only one down there with a little responsibility! God, Reiner is like a completely different person when he's drunk." Eren adjusted his hat and motioned for the two of you to follow him back downstairs.
You were about to follow him and Mikasa but you noticed a certain figure standing in the hallway, glaring at you. 
You thought this might've been over. You thought wrong. You'd recognize that glare anywhere.
Hitch had the nerve to show up at your best friend's birthday party knowing you'd be around. You guessed she hadn't known about you and Mikasa until a few minutes ago.
When she noticed your gaze, she abruptly turned to the left and walked into the kitchen.
"You guys go stop him, I'll stay back and monitor things while you're gone." You told your bandmates.
"You sure, Y/n?" Eren yelled again, already getting lost in the crowd.
"Yeah, go without me!"
He nodded and walked off with Mikasa trailing behind.
You felt like you were gonna be sick. You should've been more careful. You should've expected this.
You knew you were upset. You knew you were scared. But you knew you had to talk to Hitch before she talked to anyone else.
She looked angry when you approached her in a secluded hallway off of the kitchen that was luckily out of view from the rest of the party.
"I want to talk about Friday." Your voice came out surprisingly steady and for the first time that night, you could actually hear yourself speak.
She scoffed. "You wanna talk about Friday? I wanna talk about your new relationship. Do you seriously think I'm someone to mess with? Do you take me as a joke?"
"Hitch, I'm worried about you. What you said then, it was pretty heavy." You spoke calmly, trying not to provoke her.
Her glare faltered for a second but she quickly looked down and pretended to fix the wrinkles in her dress. "I lost my composure then. Don't worry about me. It won't happen again so don't ask about it." She looked at you again. "Y/n, why don't you tell me exactly what's going on with you and Mikasa?"
If Hitch wasn't going to crack, neither were you. "Nothing at all. We're only friends."
She quirked an eyebrow. "Really? Because last I checked, friends don't dance like that."
"They can if they want."
She ignored your answer, not buying it, and changed the topic. "I bet you wonder where and how I get my answers to things. I have eyes everywhere. As long as I'm around here there's no escaping the truth."
You were trying very hard to keep up a wall of confidence but you knew it was falling fast. "I do wonder, actually. How did you even know she was coming back? Only two of my friends besides the band knew and they don't talk with you."
Then, she smiled. "Marlo's job has him working internationally. He was on a train before she came back. She was on it too. He overheard her on the phone with your friend Jean. I guess you could say he was in the right place at the right time."
You stumbled back in surprise. Of course something like that happened to her. What else could have?
She laughed at your reaction. "It's all too convenient! Just think about that, Y/n. You can never get rid of me, no matter how hard you try. I know what's going on with you two and everyone is going to know what happened with us."
She laughed again and any ounce of courage you had disappeared. Tears filled your eyes as you hurried away from her.
You hastily made your way through the sea of people and up the stairs. Jean and Marco looked up from the front door at the sudden noise of you running up the stairs. They called your name twice but didn't follow.
 You rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom. The door shut behind you. You dropped to the floor and let the welling tears fall.
You were overwhelmed and cried easily. Soon enough, everyone would know. How could you face them after what you did to Hitch? After they knew? 
A knocked sounded at the door after a few minutes of sitting and crying.
"Occupied," you said hoarsely.
"Y/n? Are you okay? Open the door. It's me. It’s Eren."
Damn, you were hoping no one else noticed. You figured Eren and the others would still be persuading Reiner out of stupidity. 
After a moment of hesitation, you opened the door and he came in. He sat on the floor in front of you as you leaned against the cabinets. 
"I saw you through that crowd. Jean said you came up here. Can you tell me what happened and if you're okay?" He rubbed your arm and pulled you in to hug him as he tried to help you calm down.
You hiccuped and sniffled into his shoulder, dampening the cloth of his shirt, but he didn't seem to care. "Take your time," he whispered.
You wiped at your eyes and pulled away from his embrace. "Eren, I did something so shitty in college."
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posted: 9/29/21
neptunetheplanet7© 2021
no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.
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itslunarwritesstuff · 4 years
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More than this
Word Count: 10, 000 (grab some popcorn this is gonna take a while)
Summary: Colson and Y/N have been friends since high school and for the past few years he has seen her get her heartbroken and hurt by guys who are not worth it. Well after a date gone wrong he picks her up and things in their friendship take a drastic turn. 
Contains: Friends to lovers trope, Fluff, a teeny bit of angst, Cuddling.
Warnings: Language, Unconsenual touching (from a date, not Colson)
Y/N/N: Your Nickname
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You’re spread out upright on a patio chair relaxing for what seems like the first time in forever, the sun warming your cheeks in a soothing gesture. 
Your eyes shoot open at an abrupt yell, “ROOK” you knew that voice all too well. 
“Jesus Colson you practically scared me into the next life!” you said startling him as well. 
“Sorry Y/N didn’t realize you were here” Colson walked over to you taking a seat on the chair next to yours. 
Nodding as to acknowledge his apology you say “I used my key,  hope that’s okay.” swinging your legs over to the side to face him. 
“Well yeah that’s the whole reason you have a key, well that and when the rest of us are too messed up to unlock the door” You both laughed at the memories of how many times you had to come over at the ass crack of dawn because no one had their keys on them or miraculously lost all their copies.
“Y/N/N I don’t see why you don’t just take the extra room we have here, You’re practically here all the time anyway. Could save money on rent.” 
You shot him a look as if you were saying ‘Yeah Right’. 
“What? Is it cause the room is a bit small, cause if that’s it then I’m sure ROOK wouldn’t mind trading with you” Colson smiles kindly but saying the last part louder to ensure Rook heard him. 
“Suck my dick” Rook came out on the patio with his middle fingers up and a smirk plastered on his face. You knew what was about to happen and so you got up and started to walk to the other side of the yard as to try and avoid the tornado that is Colson and Rook when they tussle; “Ooo bad move Rook” you jokingly seethed with laughter. 
Colson was bolting towards Rook catching him off guard and the two men were trying to pin each other but instead twisted together still barreling around. 
Not looking where they were going and you not fully paying attention, the two grown men’s bodies hit you full force causing you to fall into the pool.  
The men unraveled from each other when they heard the splash, knowing they were in deep shit now. 
When you emerge from the water, head just above the surface you look at the men who caused this chain of events and say “I am so getting you guys back for this…” Rook and Colson gave each other a look that was their way of planning their escape but you finished “...at some point. Just not now.” 
You could see them both relax instantly, it wasn’t because they were afraid of you but it was because they knew what you were capable of doing when provoked that was also one of the reasons they loved you as well. 
Colson bent down and helped you out of the pool pulling you upwards by your slippery hands, you fell against him but quickly recovered standing back up on your own two feet. 
Soaking wet, your once dry and slightly oversized t-shirt now clung to your body in the most uncomfortable way possible, being more comfortable here even than you do at your own home you pull the shirt over your head and hang it over the chair from earlier so it can dry in the sun.
Left in your bra and spandex shorts you looked at Colson and Rook they seemed to have snapped themselves out of some kind of a trance as they made eye contact with you as you turned around. “You guys have any clothes I can borrow,” you ask the dumbfounded duo a few feet in front of you. 
Rook is the first to answer his eyes looking everywhere but your face “Uh yeah…” Colson shoots him a glare that you didn’t catch, your focus only on Rook as he spoke. 
“Remember you have your section in my closet” Colson interrupts.
You nod “Oh yeah I forgot about that, thanks guys”.
Being a bit confused by the energy in the air you led the way into the house waiting for at least one of them to follow but they just stood there heads and eyes following your movements. 
Cause to you, you were just taking off a wet shirt; but to them, it was like a slow-motion beach scene in a movie. Sexy background music and all. 
Shaking your head in confusion you continue your way into the house and up the stairs to Colson’s room. 
Usually, he freaked about having people in here without him but with you it was different; you and Colson had been friends since high school you being a few years younger than him. And even if you guys lived in different states or how drastic your lifestyles were, the two of you have always been close over the years no matter what. And you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy living closer now than in 
years past. 
Going straight to his closet you find your drawer the one he gave to you in case you spent the night or for emergencies such as this one. Pulling out some underwear you strip right there feeling relieved to get the wet clothes off your shivering body. Pulling on the underwear you grab a pair of joggers that are from his merch site from a while back and finally instead of grabbing one of your t-shirts from the drawer you sift through the hangers until you find a shirt of his that is thick and long perfect for being cozy. Before slipping the shirt on you mentally thank yourself for the dry sports bra in the drawer and swap that with the bra currently dripping down your back. 
Downstairs Colson, Rook, Baze, and Slim have all congregated to the living room.
Rook had told the guys about what happened at the pool not even twenty minutes ago.
Slim just looked at Colson then Rook and shook his head cause he knew how oblivious you were about things sometimes. Hearing your footsteps approaching, the group stopped talking and tried to find a different conversation topic. Redirecting the topic Colson asks “Hey Y/N/N what are you doing tonight? Do you want to hang here and we can do something?”
You plop down on the arm of the chair next to him even though there are plenty of empty seats and answer “Well usually I would but I’ve got plans for once. How are you guys going to survive without me” playful sarcasm coming from the second half of your sentence. 
Colson looked up at you for the first time since you came into the room and sees you wearing his shirt and everyone else notices it too. He goes to reach for the fabric currently pooling around your hips while sitting but mentally stops himself, Colson backtracks and says “Yeah right, plans. Plans to steal more of my shirts is it.” he lets out a forced laugh but even though you buy it the rest of the group can see the internal battle going on inside his head.
The rest of the guys just watch your banter and you reply with “Ha Ha. But I’m serious I do have plans tonight with a guy named David.” Rook blurts out “So a date.”
You nod “Yeah like a date.” 
Slim let out a playful “Ooo” and you chuck one of the nearby pillows at him.
“Oh grow up guys. Besides maybe this time it will work out” You say with hope lining your words. 
The guys all stare at you with sorry in their eyes knowing how unlucky your past relationships and dates have gone. Been cheated on or left for pretty much no reason many times and the amount of times guys have canceled last minute or not followed up for a second date was way past counting at this point, 
“But anyway I should get going here in a minute.” Just as you’re about to stand up and make your way to grab your things and leave, Colson surprises both of you when he grabs your hand his eyes painted with panic. You look at him with expecting eyes and he chokes out “Uh...Um...Be careful tonight ‘kay. And if you need me just call…” his eyes connect with yours, a strange warm feeling crawling up to your chest “...I’m here for you always Y/N.” 
Your stomach does an unexpected flip but you pass it off as just a friendly reaction to his kind and meaningful words. “I will, I Love you, Colson” you bend down slightly and leave a soft kiss on his cheek while the rest of the group just watches the interaction unfold in front of their eyes, knowing something that neither of you can see or admit to yourselves.
Pulling your hand from Colson’s you smile to everyone and say goodbye before leaving.
Colson still sat there, lost in his own head it seemed. After a while, Colson’s hand had slowly made its way to his cheek, tracing the spot where you had kissed him.
The guys still sat silent as they continued to watch their friend fall into his own little world. 
Then Colson snapped back to reality and his face went hard turning to Slim. 
Slim knew his best friend enough to know he was angry and had a plan brewing in his head. 
“Alright what is it?” Slim asked. 
“What do you mean” Colson gets defensive. 
“How are you going to stop this guy from going out with Y/N” Slim sighed knowing that’s what this has led to. “It’s not like you know who the guy is this time ‘round” Rook says. 
“And you really shouldn’t just show up there” Slim bounced back. 
Colson’s eyebrows are furrowed as he thought and then Baze jumps in and says “I think you guys should just let her be and let her enjoy her night. I mean sabotaging her dates isn’t going to work forever you know. One day she is going to catch on and it’s going to suck for all of us.”
Slim counters by saying “But you know why we can’t just stop.” Slim points to Colson’s direction with his head trying his best to be secretive while Colson is in the room.
Baze nods and Colson says “No, Baze is right. This is wrong, she can handle herself.”
Surprised looks cross Baze, Slim, and Rook; that was definitely not what they were expecting. 
But they agreed with him nonetheless, knowing that meddling in your love life wasn’t right no matter what the circumstances were and are. 
“Alright, Imma go clean my room,” Colson said, his features were gloomy and withdrawn.
After Colson is upstairs the remaining three discuss the situation at hand. 
“What are we going to do if she ends up liking this random guy?” Slim asks rhetorically.
“I know I won’t like him if Y/N ends up bringing him around here,” Rook says crossing his arms. 
Everyone in that house is your family and by the few times, you have brought a guy around they were as nice as they could be but it was as if they knew the man’s true intentions before you did. 
“Guys, We have all seen the way those two look at each other. That doesn’t just go away, whether they notice it or not Y/N and Colson are tied to each other. But we may have to push them a bit for them to see that they fucking like each other, or I might go crazy.”
When Colson got upset he would usually do one or all of the following; party and get trashed, make music, or would clean his room. For this current situation, he figured cleaning his space would hopefully put him in a better mood. He didn’t understand what bothered him so much about Y/N going out on a date or even dates in general. He just figured he was a good friend and was protecting her from getting heartbroken, this was not the case though.
Hanging shirts up in his closet wasn’t clearing his mind as he hoped but thankfully his phone dinged from the bed. Picking it up and unlocking it he sees it is a message from you; it is a picture of you dressed up, your eyebrows furrowed and tongue stuck out in a goofy way. The message said ‘Wish me luck’, he couldn’t think of what to say that wasn’t way out of line so he just sent a few thumbs up and hearts hoping that was enough.
In your apartment you put on some chapstick before going out the door but your phone buzzes in your hand, unlocking it is a response from Colson of three emojis a thumbs up and two hearts.
You smile at your phone and leave.
Getting to the bar you’re supposed to meet David at you thank your driver in the hopes that if things go well he could drive you home.
Taking a seat at the bar you text him telling him you’re there he responds right away with a short ‘Almost there’.
You set your phone down and order a drink before he arrives. 
After about another five minutes David arrives and you stand up from your stool and greet with him with a friendly hug. 
“Y/N you are looking great,” David says his hands lingering on your hips.
This was the first date after all and you barley knew this guy beside that he worked with a friend of yours so you pushed his hands off of you in a sly manner and took a seat back at your stool. 
Trying to make sure things get off on the right foot you say thank you to his compliment and ask some basic questions. “So David, What are some of your hobbies” you bring your drink to your lips.
David has got on a blazer with an undershirt and a tie with the pants to match, conventionally he is pretty attractive but typically not the type of guy you would go for at all. Laidback and down for anything was definitely more your type which this guy definitely not; but you were more than willing to give him a chance considering the current lack of romantic companionship in your life. 
David went on about how he was really into art collecting and you were relieved that you guys had something somewhat in common. He shows you a few of his favorite pieces on his phone and you say “Oh that’s really cool. I actually paint in my free time.” That was a bit of an understatement for sure but he was intrigued so it worked. 
“Oh really? Let me see, maybe they’re good enough for my collection.” you try your best to not let your face go sour at the tone of his comment as if his opinion made you or your art worth something. 
But you take out your phone unlocking it, then taking a moment to appreciate and remember the memory attached to your wallpaper. Its a picture of you and Colson at EST fest the past summer, you were covered in paint cause you thought it was a great idea to let the others paint on you for fun. After Colson painted a penis on your arm you took some of the pink paint and smeared it across his face and some of it in his hair; he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder the both of you laughing and the smiles that were smeared on your faces just like the paint was captured in the photo. And it never failed to make you smile and invite a warm feeling into your chest.
I guess you were looking at the photo for a bit too long cause David was snapping his fingers in your face and said “Come on your attention is supposed to be on me” oh god this was not going well. 
After showing him a few of your paintings and him giving you backhanded compliments like “I mean its no Banksy but I guess for a hobby painter for yourself its okay.”
You are well into your third drink waiting for this date to be over when David grabs you by the wrist and all but basically drags you to the dance floor; the only reason you don’t move or protest is because of how shocked you are that he would grab you like that without your permission. 
“Come on let’s dance,” he says way too close for comfort. 
“Um I am good, I should get going anyways I’ve got something to do in the morning.” You say trying to find the easiest way to get out of the situation.
But he wasn’t having any of it, pulling you unwantedly closer to his body he says “But we wouldn’t want that sweet little outfit to go to waste now would we…” he sickly hisses into your ear and his hands grope you, that’s it. 
“No!” you yell and you somehow manage to create some space between you and David pushing him away from you and even though he tries to bring you back in with protest, you turn and start to walk away. 
He makes another attempt to grab at you, you turn around swiftly and punch him in the nose; falling over blood everywhere. “Oh, that is definitely broken,” you think to yourself. 
Sprinting to the nearest exit you also thank yourself for wearing sensible shoes, not quite knowing when to stop you keep running until you’re back to a familiar street and there is no impending doom. 
Taking your phone from your pocket you go to open the taxi app but hesitate and after some internal contemplating you decide it is best to call someone you know would make you feel safe. 
Colson picks up after only a few rings, answering with a “Y/N what’s up. You okay?”.
You weren’t feeling teary-eyed before but after hearing Colson’s voice all of your emotions pour out and you choke out a sob. Colson’s tone goes from casual to worried real quick and quickly asks “Where are you? I’m coming to get you, are you safe until I get there?” 
Somehow you manage to tell him where you were and that yes you were safe for the time being. 
“I’ll be there soon okay baby girl. And I’m bringing the bike.” even just his voice soothed you.
He hangs up once you confirm again that you’re in fact safe. You put your hair into a quick braid so when you’re on the bike your hair doesn’t rat and matt together. 
Not too long after the call you hear the roar of Colson’s motorcycle coming round the corner. You wave your hand above your head to make sure he sees you and he does. 
Pulling over to the curb you wait for him to shut everything off, but once he is off of his seat you’re melting into his embrace not caring about the eyes that stare nearby. 
“Shh its okay, I got you. I got you.” Colson whispers into your hair his hands rubbing your back. 
His chest muffled the sounds of your sobs as he let you cry it out, not prying you to tell him what happened just yet.
Once you feel like you have gotten it all out of your system you tilt your head up towards his and say “Can we go now please.” your voice comes out hoarse and unrecognizable.
Colson can’t stand seeing you like this and not knowing what happened to make you a mess like this either. But he will wait for you to tell him, for now at least.
His hands smoothed over your hair with his chin resting against your forehead. This was going to be all over the internet tomorrow but surprisingly he wasn’t thinking about any of that.
"Where do you want to go sweetheart?" Colson asked while his fingers rubbed circles into your back.
You always loved it when he would sprinkle casual pet names like that into a conversation, it always made you feel some type of way. 
"Can we not go home yet. Just anywhere but home right now. I don't want the guys to see me like this" Colson’s heart leaps at the fact that you consider the house home. 
His hands smooth over your shoulders one last time. 
"I think I know the perfect place. Come on." 
You nod and grab the helmet and clip it under your chin. Colson nods to you to ask if you’re ready you nod back.
Revving the engine Colson gives you one last look and you wrap your arms around his back.
At first, you guys go slow because of the bustling streets of the city but the further out you get the faster he goes. 
The wind doesn’t quite hit your face, it’s more like the breeze is giving you a hug cause it envelopes your entire body and the features of your face. 
You guys go over a small hill and your stomach does a fun little flip, your arms tighten as a reaction and you can hear Colson let out a hearty laugh. Everything about this moment was exhilerating; the speed and the warmth radiating off of Colson’s body gave you butterflies, a whole swarm of them.
Leaning into him more, you realize just how grateful you’re to have someone as kind and caring as him in your life and remind yourself to thank him for everything.
After riding for about forty-five minutes Colson turns into this gravel area and stops the bike. 
There is a bench that is softly lit by the nearby street light and you can faintly make out some stars in the sky, the ones you rarely saw because of the amount of light pollution that is everywhere in Los Angeles.
The both of you stand up and you wait for Colson to get off of the bike to swing your leg over and set your already unclipped helmet aside.
Your attention shifts up to Colson who’s hair is messed up more than usual because of the cool night breeze that touseled it on the way there, you smiled and reached up on your tiptoes to try and smooth down the blond mop on his head. 
“What are you doing to my head?” Colson chuckles.
“Trying to fix it” you are in his personal space and he only realizes how close you’re when you bring your hand back down and stand normally.
“So what is this place?” you asked the question on your mind. 
Colson scratched the back of his neck and ran his hand through his hair mussing it yet again.
“I uh found this place one night while trying to clear my head. It’s far enough out that you can see some of the stars clearly on nights like this. And I remember you saying how much you like just looking at the stars back at the fest last year. And well... here we are.” he explains.
Honestly, you’re surprised that Colson remembers that, I mean after being friends for all these years you shouldn’t be surprised but yet here he is hands stuffed in his pockets with one of those barely-there smiles plastered on his face. And just something about the entire situation made you smile as well. 
Grabbing Colson’s wrist you drag him to the edge of this hill right where the slight drop off is that leads to this open field filled with flowers and grass. 
You look at him with eyes full of spirit and say “We are going down there to properly stargaze”.
“Like in some cheesy coming of age teen movie,” Colson asks humor filling his tone. 
You nod fast and boop his nose, excited ignoring his attempt to poke fun at your idea “Exactly.” 
Without another word, you let go of him and slide down the side of the hill then letting your legs go and run the rest of the way, leaving Colson behind laughing too hard.
When you reach the spot you had chosen to stargaze you stare up to the top of the hill and yell “Come on big bird!”
Colson gets this rush at you calling him by the nickname you haven’t used in years. 
He does the same as you but his long legs get caught up in the momentum and he legit cannot stop but luckily you chose a spot far enough out that the least he does is fall beside you on the grassy knoll. 
You’re laughing so hard your hands grip your stomach for some sort of relief but to no avail, you just laugh harder when Colson uses a playfully serious voice and face then says “What are you laughing about missy”. Laughter overcame both of you, you fall over from the intensity of it and your head hits Colson’s chest and a couple of snorts escaped you making the whole thing more comedic. 
Looking up to the sky you start noticing some of the constellations and your laughter slowly fades as your astonishment increases.
Colson throws his arm over your collarbones, his laughing had stopped with yours a few moments ago and a soft silence rested between the two of you. 
“Y/N?” Colson questioned. You hum in response. 
“I haven’t heard you call me that nickname in years what was it that caused the comeback” he was referring to when you called up to him a few minutes ago. 
You rest your arm on top of his and lightly draw with your fingers onto his skin. 
“I don’t really know, it was kind of just the first thing that came to my head. Why, does it bother you?”.
He softly says “No.” and you leave it at that. 
Colson feels short of breath from the way you’re softly circling his inked skin, but he convinces himself it is from the running.
Colson knows deep down that isn’t the real answer but feels somewhat guilty because of yours and his history as friends and doesn’t want that dynamic between you two to change. But it is getting harder and harder to ignore the bursts of feelings he gets around you.
Your voice snaps him out of his debating thoughts “Thank you” you say, eyes still glued on the sky above you. 
“For what?” Colson sits up on one of his elbows and you follow suit, pulling your hand off of his arm and into your own lap.
“Well besides being my best friend, Thank you for coming and getting me. I really didn’t want to be alone and you always make me feel safe no matter what.” you avoid Colson’s gaze for a moment but give in after a second looking back up at him. 
His eyes were radiant even in the dark speckled sky and sometimes you would let yourself get lost in them but rarely had the chance because of conflicting emotions inside you.
“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you Y/N. Hell, I would even help you hide a body need be” Colson chuckled and you right with him. 
A cool breeze came by and you shivered from the goosebumps forming on your skin, remembering you left your coat at the bar in the rush to get out of there, but at least your pockets were big enough to hold your important belongings. 
Colson notices your lack of outerwear and asks “Where is your jacket? You must be cold.” 
You know it is time to tell him what happened and you also knew how furious he was going to be. 
“Y/N here” Colson takes off his hoodie and even though you try to protest you know you’re too cold to argue. Letting him slip the fabric over your head, the hoodie so oversized that you’re practically swimming in it. “Are you going to tell me what happened?” Colson asked his voiced teetering on the edge of being gentle but forward and to the point. He rests his hand on your shoulder hopefully bringing you some ease.
You look down at the grass and run your fingers through the long strands poking up from the earth. 
It was a short story really but it was enough for Colson to understand “He grabbed me without my permission”.
You could see the fury boiling behind Colson’s eyes and in your way to diffuse the situation you tell him the aftermath “Then I broke his nose”.
This worked in the way you hoped it would Colson lunged at you and engulfed you in a hug saying with laughter bubbling in his words “That’s my girl”. 
Much like Colson’s, your heart lunged in your chest at his words.
After releasing from the hug you pull the too-long sleeves up to your face to rub the soft fabric against your face; while doing so you get a smell of him in the fabric.
“What are you doing” Colson laughed lightly at your action.
Without thinking you blurt out “You smell nice”. You realize almost immediately realize what you said and try to cover your face that is filled with embarrassment.
Pulling your hands from your face with no words Colson holds your hands in his.
And in a moment of weakness, he lets himself stare at you totally ignoring the war he was having with himself just for a moment and tried his best to remember every detail of your face.
You weren’t sure what he was looking at so you pulled one of your hands away from him and touched your face trying to feel for something out of the ordinary.
“Is there something on my face” you lock eyes with Colson. 
Resting your hand on your cheek he says “Uh yeah c’mere” his hand rests on top of yours rubbing the soft skin of your face. Without holding yourself back your eyes flicker to his lips, ‘so soft’ you thought to yourself. “Did you get it” you whisper not trusting your voice to come out clear and steady.
“Not quite” he whispered back, moving his hand from your cheek to your lips and softly brushes his thumb over your bottom lip.
“...there” Colson inched closer to your face agonizingly slow trying to give you plenty of time to back out if you wanted. 
But that was the last thing you wanted to do, and you had no idea until now that this was something you wanted. 
Here you were sitting in the grass not completely sure of your emotions at this moment but you knew that when he was touching you like this it was like electricity was bursting and flowing through every part of your body and that you didn’t want it to stop.
He was halfway to your lips in the space between you and kind of stuck there, so taking a leap of faith you lean into where your faces were only inches apart.
His breathing hitched in his throat not expecting you to be so...willing. 
You rested your forehead against Colson’s before flushing all of the boundaries of friendship down the drain. 
Hearing an obnoxious ring you and Colson simultaneously scoff, you’re the first one to pull away and the reality of everything that just happened to hit you all at once.
Moving away you create space between you and Colson lightheaded from the entire situation that had your head spinning with a whirlwind of thoughts.
Pulling your phone from your pocket you answer it so fast you forget to check the caller I.D. 
Greeting the person on the other end you say “Hello” rather sharply.
“Y/N” the person said in a low voice and the back of your neck gets goosebumps because of the stark fear you feel from knowing who it is. 
“What the fuck do you want David” you surprise yourself with how strong your voice comes out and the fact that you didn’t just hang up. 
“Well fuck, you left your jacket behind and gee I figured being the nice guy I am I would return it to you, even though you broke my fucking nose. Which you’re paying for by the way”.
Now you were just fuming, the guy touches you inappropriately and you are supposed to pay for his rightfully broken nose, hell to the no. 
You start yelling into the phone about how much of a douchebag he is but Colson carefully rips the phone from your hands and says in a serious but fear striking tone; “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are David…” Colson says his name mockingly. 
“...But you will not speak or try to see Y/N ever again.”
“And who the fuck are you to tell me what to do. You should have seen the little broad tonight, a sexy girl ain’t she.” David said sickly. 
Colson had him on speaker as he took the information about this guy from your phone to his own and you visibly shook yourself to try and shake the comment off. 
“Stay the fuck away from her or else that broken nose will be the least of your worries. I am not forgiving or keen towards little boys who think they’re men and that gives them the right to touch a woman without her permission. Now I know I have made myself clear, keep the jacket you jackass.” and with that Colson hung the phone up. 
You stare at him in awe at how he handled the situation and managed to make you feel safe and secure yet again. 
Finishing up transferring the info to his phone when he hands you back your cell he scrolls on his phone and says “I blocked his number for you and all of his other info but if he gives you a problem you let me know okay.” he looks up at you for an answer and you nod still in shock from the control Colson has. 
“And um… could you stay at the house for at least tonight and tomorrow, I wouldn’t put it past this guy to go to your apartment and I want you to be safe.” Colson says sheepishly. 
You set your hand on his knee and give it a gentle squeeze saying “Of course I will, thank you”.
You also assume you both are ignoring the almost kiss that just happened minutes before, or what if that’s not even what he was trying to do in the first place, there must have actually been something on your face that’s why he was so close and holding your head in his hand that way. Pushing the feelings of doubt down you decide to make the atmosphere between the two of you back to normal as you could. 
“Guys can be such asshole sometimes,” you admit. 
Something about you saying this makes the anger bubble inside Colson. 
The contrast between his tone a moment ago to now was alarming “The guys you like are assholes, that’s all” Colson says coldly. 
You take his words to heart and snap back at him “What is your problem?”
“It’s just you have got this weird affinity for guys who treat you like shit, I don’t fucking understand it.”
His words hit you hard because he was pretty spot on and that is what hurts the most.
You looked him in the eyes and said with no emotion in your face or voice “You’re right”.
It is only then that Colson realizes his words and how much they hurt you, he was speaking off off pure jealousy and we all know that never ends well. He tries to choke out an apology but you turn away and say flatly “Let’s just go home.” 
You start making the hike up the hill towards the bike without turning back, which made Colson’s heart come to a realization he should have known so much sooner. 
It all made sense that his subconscious seemed to know it before he fully did. Sabotaging dates was so much more than them not being good for you, he just couldn’t stand seeing or knowing you were with someone else. That your heart had the capability of having room for someone else other than him. 
Seeing you walk away from him made him realize just how much he loved you and how long he has as well. But even though he now knew how he felt there was still no way he had any clue that you felt the same exact way.
The ride home was silent between you and Colson. You didn’t squeeze onto him tighter when an unexpected turn or bump came by, or just because you felt like it. 
When the two of you got home you muttered a soft thank you not bothering to stick around to see if he had heard it or not. 
You went straight to his room and grabbed your pajamas from your spot in his closet then went to the spare bedroom and changed into the comfy clothes. You didn’t have any of your products there so you just washed your face with one of the guy’s face wash and hoped it would do the job. After finishing up you headed to the kitchen to find at the very least a small snack to fill the void in your stomach but instead found Rook in there making a wrap and then starting a second one. 
“You want one?” he questioned and as if on cue your stomach growled audibly and you both laugh. 
“I’ll take that as a yes” Rook chuckles. 
You stay silent as Rook finishes wrapping the ingredients up into the tortilla then handing the plate to you like it is his greatest creation. 
Waiting till you take a bite of the food Rook asks “ Are you and Kells alright, something seemed off when you two came in.” Rook said with concern lacing his voice.
“...We had a fight is all. Things between us are a bit complicated at the moment. He has a right to be upset about tonight though” You have a hard time finding the words but you tell him the truth nonetheless. 
His eyes flicker up to yours sliding the wrap over towards you. 
“You guys will be good though,” Rook says. 
You nodded cause you know deep down he was right, but you were still upset and hurt by Colson’s words, and both parties both had the right to feel that way. 
After finishing your wrap you were on your way to the spare room to hopefully sleep off the tiring day and the feelings that lingered. But of course, the guys had other plans, guiding you towards the pool table they sat you down in a chair. “Guys what is going on,” you ask genuinely confused. 
“You’re going to tell us what happened,” Slim says with his arms crossed.
“Yeah um no.” trying to stand up but being sat back down on the seat, okay now you knew they weren’t playing around. 
Rook and Baze started playing while listening closely. 
“Okay, whatever” you say defeated. 
You explained everything from the backhanded compliments and even the broken nose, which they laughed at just as Colson did but somehow it felt...different. 
And then just as you expected all three of them wanted to find this guy and as the cliches, they’re said they wanted to “teach him a lesson”. 
Letting them blow off some steam by going back and forth talking about and going into great detail of how they would make him fear for his life, you only mention after you assume they have gotten most of it out of their systems that Colson already took care of it and that you could handle yourself. 
That seemed to calm them down enough because they knew it was handled and that you were tough enough most of the time to defend yourself when need be as well. 
You stand up and start walking in the direction of the spare room but Rook catches your attention as you turn the corner. 
“What’s going on?” You ask as his hand resting on your shoulder. 
“Um, I just want you to know that if it were me instead of that guy tonight, I would have made it a great time.” You were shocked, to say the least, he was so forward which you weren’t expecting and you didn’t expect for him to basically insinuate that he would like to ask you out. 
Your mouth must have been hanging open cause Rook continues and says “What I am saying is, will you go out with me sometime  Y/N?”
Still confused but kind of curious you say something you had no idea would come out of your mouth either, you said yes. 
Then that was that and he went back to playing pool and you went to the spare room. The only thing he had mentioned was it would be tomorrow night. But you honestly weren’t sure if you saw Rook that way I mean I guess you wouldn’t know until you tried but you were ninety-nine percent sure until a mere minutes ago that you and Rook’s relationship was purely platonic. 
You get to the spare bedroom and fall onto the bed back first. 
Staring at the ceiling you try to unravel and solve how so much happened that night and how ready you were to go to sleep. 
Plugging in your phone for the rest of the night you tuck yourself in and pick a playlist to sleep to, falling out of consciousness. 
Tap, Tap, Tap. 
Tap, Tap, Tap.
Rolling over to the nightstand you go to pause what you thought was the sound of your music but instead you hear the door creak open. Still half asleep you aren’t as worried as you should be about the figure standing in the door frame. 
“Who’s there” Your words slur together in a mumbled voice. 
“Jus- me” another tired voice groggily says. 
It takes you a moment to figure out who ‘Me’ exactly is but once you do you ask just to confirm.
“Colson?” you roll around towards where he is standing on the opposite side of the bed.
“Yeah” is all he says still standing there. 
You pull yourself even further from sleep when you ask “Why are you here” remembering that you’re still upset with him. 
He doesn’t say anything for a while and you start to think he woke you up just to be mean but then he takes a sharp intake of breath and that’s when you know he is sorry before he even actually says it.
“I couldn’t sleep knowing you were mad at me…” he barely whispers.
“I forgive you,” You say knowing that was his best version of an apology. 
“No, I’m sorry Y/N I had no right.” you were shocked yet again and his actual apology warmed your heart, like the spark that ignited the fire. 
“Again I forgive you, Besides I don’t like it when we fight either.” You’re now sat upon the backs of your elbows.
Now Colson just stood there silent and it kind of freaked you out because when he was quiet no good could come from it. 
“What’s wrong,” you ask softly and with a caring tone. 
Even in the dark, you can feel Colson’s eyes bore into your figure. 
“I just don’t want to be alone...maybe we could sit on the couch or..” Colson being vulnerable in front of you was a rare occurrence so you cut him off. 
“Just get in here you dumbass” Your laughter assures him that it is okay. 
Sliding under the covers next to you, your pulse quickens unexpectedly. 
This wouldn’t be the first time you and Colson had shared a bed, but with these new feelings that you tried so desperately to ignore were growing and multiplying as fast as gremlins who were fed after midnight.  
Even with the amount of extra space on the bed that Colson could be, he chose to be face to face with you. So close in fact that you can feel his breath tickle the peach fuzz on your face and now you were suddenly self-conscious about your breath fanning his face as well. 
For the second time, tonight Colson’s forehead rests against yours and you internally convince yourself that whatever happens, you will not do a thing to stop it, cause just what if he felt even a sliver of how you did.
You close your eyes relaxing in the presence of your best friend. 
Whispering again Colson’s breath wafted of mint and just a hint of weed lingering; “Can I hold you?”
You reply with an even quieter “yes” afraid that if your volume rose it would somehow ruin the entire atmosphere that shrouded the two of you at this moment.
“Being with you always helps me fall asleep” Colson’s arm outstretched giving you the time to curl into his chest. 
You do exactly that, tucking the top of your head under his chin and letting your hands gently caress his bare chest that still even with the lack of clothing remained cozy. 
Both of his arms wrap around your waistline, holding you just tight enough which made the safety he always made you feel just multiply.
Without even a second thought you wrap your legs with his own and neither of you complains in the slightest at the affection you both desperately needed from each other.
“You’re ridiculously comfortable” you mumble and Colson just barely giggles.
Even though this wasn’t the first time you and Colson have layed with each other, somehow he always had this way to make you feel protected and loved at all times and whether that was intentional or not you had no clue but appreciated it nonetheless; and it made you think back to the first time you and Colson cuddled and how no matter how many times you guys end up in this position how nervous you’re at first but then slowly calm like the wind from day to day. 
Colson’s hand brushed up your spine and let out a soft chuckle as to not displace your frame on top of him. “Are you still wearing my hoodie?” he asked.
“Mhmm, it smells like you.” you prop your head up with your hand to try and look at him clearly in the dark.
Colson was at a loss for words, he rested his palm on your cheek as best as he could in the darkened room. 
And to his surprise, you leaned into his touch causing a flurry of emotions to stir up inside of him. 
Brushing his thumb against your skin he whispers softly making a confession just as you did; 
“You always make my clothes look better on you.” you can’t help but blush at his words.
Sheepishly you say “My bad?” you joke with him.
“No, I mean I love it.” the softness of his voice, the way his hands are holding your face and waist like your something so precious, and his eyes are looking straight into your own. 
It was like you could tell just by looking into his eyes there were no walls up between the two of you.
Reaching out your hand you touch the outline of Colson’s jaw as if it was the most natural thing in the world. You and Colson had never been ones to shy away from casual affection but this is different not quite sure how but its as if you both feel it.
You move your hand to trace the inked skin near his neck, it was such an intimate gesture but you continued anyway.
Colson’s hand was still against your face softly spinning circles with his thumb every once in a while.
You feel him take in a large breath different from the rhythm he previously was following. 
Ripping your gaze from his chest you look him right in the eyes, the curtains let in just a tiny bit of moonlight but it was enough the see his eyes sparkle back towards you.
It took you at least a minute to remember what your words were, lost in his gaze it made your head spin and your heart drop down to the floor, and metaphorically you were struggling to pick it up and put it back into your chest.
Then you asked the question that deep down you were scared to hear the answer too but you stayed true to the promise you made to yourself once he held you against him minutes ago, or it could possibly be longer, time didn’t exist at the moment.
“What’s on your mind? Bringing your hand up to play with a piece of hair that hung in front of his eye.
Again he takes in a big breath and you feel him sit up slightly, misplacing you a bit from the comfortable position you were in. 
Before he answers Colson adjusts your body on top of his again, your legs curled up on either side of his own as he withstood your body weight on top of him.
Sitting up a little as well you look at him with a worried expression which gives him the cue to just spill the truth that was running rampant in his head.
“We’re not just friends, right?” his hands never leave your waist as he says those words that could make it or break it for both of them.
You take a second the think of what you are going to say, and where you want this conversation to go. 
But throwing all caution into the wind you know that this is one of those times where only the truth was the best answer. 
“I don’t think so. Not anymore anyways.” you gulped at your words, leaving the next move up to Colson.
You see his eyes go wide in the unlit room and you don’t know how to take his expression. 
Was he scared, angry, or surprised? Any of those emotions could fit right now and that worried you.
“Do you... Think we are more?” he says hesitantly absent-mindedly moving his hand up and down your back as a way to distract and soothe himself.
“That all depends on your next choice of words.” you weren’t bearing your entire soul out to him until he gave you the reassurance that you needed. 
He just looked at you, like one of those looks that someone gives when they are trying to figure out what the other is thinking and or feeling.
One of Colson’s hands leaves their spot from your midsection and he pulls you closer to him from underneath your legs; before knitting his fingers into your hair smoothing the strands to calm himself.
He knew that the universe has somehow set this moment up, to give him probably the one and only chance to admit his feelings.
Softly gripping your face with his hands you give him your full attention.
“I love you…” he declares and you go to open your mouth to say something along the lines of ‘I knew that’ trying to convince yourself that he meant it like you guys always have but Colson cuts you off before you can even try,
Dipping his head down to catch your wandering and panicked gaze he says “And I don’t mean that in a brotherly way or any other possible way than me admitting that Y/N I am in love with you. So hopelessly in love with you. And even though it scares the hell out of me I know it is true.”
His gaze bore into you and without a second thought you admitted as well “I love you too Colson.”
Your voice was quiet and shaky but it was true and that’s all that mattered. 
Eyes flickering to Colson’s lips, you lean towards him slowly without realizing it.
Colson’s hand moves to your back pressing you as close as he can while the other cups your face just underneath your jaw.
Colson felt every emotion at that moment; joy, fear, and exhilaration.
Your foreheads bump against each other and you both chuckle with embarrassment at the lack of coordination.
Resting there for a second forehead against forehead, practically tasting each other’s breath you are sure that the anticipation is gone and that you let yourself get your hopes up.
But Colson whispers and it almost makes you giggle because of his breath fanning on your skin.
“Y/N can I kiss you?” his thumb circles the apple of your cheek waiting for your permission.
And you answer him, just not with words.
Taking charge you pull Colsons face towards yours, trying so desperately to fill the gap between you both.
You let your entire body curve into him, your noses bumping in anticipation. 
Softly you let your lips feather over his for a moment, but then your eyes flutter shut when Colson fully presses his lips onto yours, taking your actions as your answer.
His hands cupped your face as to not let you fall away or into pieces, which at this moment you were pretty sure was possible. 
Every and all thoughts escaped your mind leaving everything blank inside of your head.
It wasn’t just that you were kissing Colson and the fact that he was kissing you right back; it was the way he held your face in his hands like you were something too special to let go of.
After a few seconds, you both have to break apart in order to breathe. 
Foreheads resting on each other your lips don’t stray too far from one another so when you speak you are murmuring the words against his mouth.
Eyes still closed with your mouth agape, you feel the same as times in the past when you would drink on an empty stomach. 
Lightheaded and wispy.
Speaking without filtering anything you say “Woah” as soft as can be; you weren’t sure if Colson had heard you but when he exhales with a breathy laugh you knew for sure that he did.
“Woah, is right” Colson replies rubbing the side of his nose to yours in an innocent gesture.
Then it felt like everything caved in on you at once, you had just kissed your best friend. 
And even though you should be panicking about what all of this means you smile instead when Colson pulls you back in for another kiss, this time he tilts your head back deepening the action of the kiss.
Taken back a little you hum as a response to his actions.
Almost all doubt flew away from your mind when he pulled you back in because you knew he wanted this, he wanted you just as much as you have wanted him even if it wasn’t so long ago that your feelings for him blossomed.
After many hushed kisses and repetition of ‘I love you’s’, the two of you melt into the mattress and one another drifting off to sleep.
The next morning, well afternoon; you woke up tangled up in Colson content as can be. 
Even though you knew you and Colson had to talk about all of this at some point, you were no longer worried about the drastic dynamic change between you both. 
Colson’s arms were fully wrapped around your waist, his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. 
One of your hands that was stuck underneath his tall frame grazed his back, and not being able to resist the urge to touch him in the mid day glow peeking through the curtains your freehand brushes his unruly hair from his still shut eyes. 
Arms tightening around your body, Colson groans; signaling to you that he is waking up. 
Pecking him on the lips in hopes he will open his eyes he groans again. 
“What?” you giggle when you speak for the first time that day. 
Colson pulls one of his arms from around you and points to his lips “Another” he says his voice all raspy.
You go in to give him another quick peck but he uses his free hand to hold you there, giving you a real kiss that leaves you breathless. 
When you break apart your eyes are now closed, not being able to come back down to earth. 
“You’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Colson tucks a messy thing of hair behind your ear. 
Forcing your eyes open you look at Colson with this gleam in his own eyes.
“You really think so?” you question him for reassurance.
“Inside and out baby” he kisses your forehead. 
Your cheeks flush at this new normal between you two, moving so you can rest your head on his chest. 
Then you suddenly remember the yes you told a certain someone the night before.
“Ah, Shit” you curse. 
Worried Colson questions quickly “What’s wrong?”
After last night there was no way you were going to lie to him, so you tell him the truth.
“I totally forgot I told Rook that I would go out with him tonight…” before you can even explain to him that you were going to tell Rook about what happened with you and Colson and hoped he understood; 
Colson was ripping the covers off and barging to the door saying “I’m gonna kill him.” 
Even though you knew he wasn’t going to actually kill him you ran after him to find him trying to corner Rook in the kitchen. 
Rook had his hands up in surrender and was trying to explain himself, but you couldn’t hear him over the sound of Colson spewing profanities at Rook. 
Coming up behind him you put your hand on Colson’s back and he calms instantly.
“Colson let him speak” you demand. 
Letting his arms fall to his sides in defeat he gestures to Rook to speak. 
“We knew you guys liked each other and as a push, I asked Y/N out to try and get at least one of you to spill your feelings beforehand. It wasn’t going to go any further than a ruse I swear.” Rook kept his arms up awaiting the worst. 
Now a normal person would be angry at this, but no one in this house was normal so you and Colson busted up laughing leaving Rook standing there confused. 
The rest of the group made their way into the kitchen sharing the same expression Rook did. 
Walking up to Rook you laughed in between your words placing a hand on his shoulder“You guys tried to play us is it ?” you say with humor filling your voice. 
“Wait I am so confused. What is so funny?” Rook says his eyes flickering between the two of you trying to connect the dots but failing to do so before you and Colson spill the beans.
You and Colson glance at each other and just smile.
“Y/N Bring your pretty little butt over here.” his arms are wide open and you oblige, speed walking back over to him. He pulls you into his embrace and spins you above the ground slightly.
Looking at the group Colson speaks saying “We have got it handled” rubbing his hands up and down your back.
The guys looked at each other finally understanding what has occurred. 
“All I have to say is it is about fucking time.” Baze unleashes. 
Everyone laughs together and you have this content feeling in your soul that even though you don’t know what the future holds for you and Colson; you do know that everything is going to be okay and you were happy with that. Reaching up on your tippy-toes you connect your kips with Colson’s with hopefully many more to come.
407 notes · View notes
wheresmynaya · 3 years
Text
Lost in the Lights Ch.10|Brittana
A/N - Am I heartbroken about that embarrassment of a game I had to witness last week? Yes. Do I wanna talk about it? God, no LOL. Hopefully the McKinley Titans do a better job in the playoffs! Might even mess around and make QB!Britt’s Game Day playlist 🤷🏽‍♀️
Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut
Santana stomps her way over to Quinn’s locker and slams it shut in one big huff. Quinn looks up from packing her duffle bag, annoyed confusion written all over her face.
“Problem, Lopez?”
Santana continues to grimace but looks hesitantly around the locker room, her brows furrowed and her shoulders stiff. Her chest feels tight with everything she’s been holding in and she swears she’s about to burst at the seams if she doesn’t say something soon.
The squad filtered out minutes before and Brittany’s still practicing on the field with the Titans, but she can never be too sure. Someone’s always listening it seems and she can’t be burned a second time.
“Hello?” Quinn waves her hand at Santana, “Is there a reason that you’re going around slamming lockers?”
Santana can hear the annoyance in her tone but her facial expression says differently when their eyes finally meet. For as long as they’ve known each other, all it takes is one look to realized something deeper is going on.
Quinn softens, “Shit. What happened?”
Santana shakes her head and lets out the tiniest whimper, “I’m fucking this up.”
Quinn catches Santana just as she stars to slide down the lockers in trembling mess. She pushes Santana to sit on the bench instead.
Hot tears start to stream down Santana’s cheeks like the floodgates have finally opened. She hasn’t let herself feel the brunt of everything yet, not until now. It’s a little relieving, but it’s not enough.
“What are you talking about?” Quinn asks.
“I’m fucking this up.”
Quinn lets out a sigh but keeps holding Santana up as she continues to sob. Instead of pressuring her to talk, Quinn just let’s the girl cry it out first.
\\
Once Santana has finally settled down some, Quinn hands her a couple tissues from the travel pack she keeps in her duffle. She eyes her wearily before trying to get an answer out of Santana again.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on now?”
Santana’s averts her gaze to the ground. Her jaw is set and her lips are sealed as she wipes the angry tears from her face.
The reluctance to talk has Quinn rolling her eyes.
“Don’t be stubborn. You’ve been in a bad mood all day then you go and do that,” Quinn gestures to her locker, “Just tell me. Is it about your dad? Is he giving you a hard time again?”
Santana shakes her head.
Quinn thinks, “Is this about JBI’s blog? Because I doubt anyone is believing a word he says after his whole tater tot conspiracy was a bust. He’s already lost a ton of followers, I think he’s just reaching now.”
“It’s not that.”
“Okay…then what is it?”
Santana lets out a deep sigh, “She just wanted to talk and I couldn’t even do that.”
“Brittany?” Quinn asks hesitantly.
Santana nods.
“What’d she want to talk about?”
Santana threads her fingers together and squeezes, “Us.”
Quinn looks confused, “And you couldn’t talk about that because…”
“Why do you think?” Santana grumbles, “Because I’m a goddamn coward, that’s why. She wanted to talk about us and what we were doing and I just – I couldn’t.”
Quinn sighs and starts to rub Santana’s back.
“I knew it was coming. She’s been wanting to talk for weeks now I think. I just – I did what I always do,” Santana admits, “I got in my head about it. I let that stupid little voice take over. I told her I didn’t feel the same way she did. I told her that I wasn’t looking for something serious.”
Quinn stays quiet as Santana continues to rant.
“I don’t know why the fuck I said that! I thought I was getting better at this. I thought I was making progress but I still ended up doing the same thing!” Santana adds, “I fucked this up and now she’s done with me, Q. I didn’t think she’d do it. I thought I’d have more time to figure everything out.”
“What’s there to figure out?” Quinn wonders.
“I don’t know,” Santana shrugs, “How to have a girlfriend when most of the student body here are assholes? How to have a relationship with someone that isn’t solely based on sex or how to boost my reputation? How to do any of this when my dad can barely look at me because I’m gay! How am I meant to be any good for her when I can barely look at myself sometimes? I’m ready and I’m not and that’s the worst fucking thing about this. I’m my own goddamn enemy.”
Quinn looks a little surprised by Santana’s honesty but she nods like she gets it.
Santana moves to hold her head in her hands. That might’ve been the first time she’s ever owned her sexuality so easily but she can’t even enjoy it right now.
“What do you want to do?” Quinn asks but Santana only shrugs again.
She’s been thinking about that all night and day, but there’s only one thing that keeps coming to mind and it isn’t really an answer. It’s more like a realization that’s probably been in the back of her mind for a long time now, maybe since the Homecoming dance.
She doesn’t know how it’ll help now. This isn’t some rom-com movie where all it takes is this grand gesture, a profession of her true feelings and all is right in the world. No, there’s real work to be done first and she hasn’t a clue where to start.
“I don’t want to lose her,” Santana replies softly.
“Well, fix it then?” Quinn suggests which earns her a disbelieving look, “What? You’re Santana Lopez, resident bad bitch of McKinley. You’re not supposed to be afraid of anything, yet here you are letting all of these fears push you around.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Santana, you literally just said – “
“I know what I said!” Santana snaps.
Quinn purses her lips but relaxes, “We’ve had this conversation so many times. When you don’t try, you let them win. You want that? You want these people to be the reason why you can’t go out on that field tomorrow night and kiss the girl that you love?”
Santana doesn’t even waver at the word, she just wonders how long Quinn’s known.
“No.”
“Well then…”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Sure it is.”
“Tell that to Kurt,” Santana huffs, “He gets a slushie facial on the regular. Remember that kid everyone thought he was dating? He was bullied so badly that he had to transfer schools! I can’t deal with that. If I get into one more fight, that’s it for me. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle going through the rest of this year dealing with that shit and I can’t drag her down with me. She’s so much better than this place and everyone in it.”
Quinn narrows her eyes, “Well for starters, Brittany put a stop to slushie facials. There hasn’t been an incident in months.”
“That you know of,” Santana replies, “The football team isn’t the only ones capable of throwing a slushie in my grill.”
“You act like you’re taking on the entire world by yourself,” Quinn argues, “You realize you don’t have to do that, right?”
Santana frowns, “What are you talking about?”
“You’re trying to protect her and that’s thoughtful and all, but did it ever occur to you that she doesn’t need it?” Quinn replies, “You keep putting yourself in this position, but you don’t have to be in it. You have more people than you know that are rooting for you. Lean on them because you don’t have to face these people alone.”
Santana laughs bitterly at that, “You and who else? My mom? You guys going to create a secret service to follow me around everywhere to make sure nothing happens to me?”
Quinn lets out a frustrated sigh, “Well what now then? You just going to let them dictate your life? Just like your dad?”
Santana’s jaw tightens at that. She knows Quinn struck that nerve on purpose and she both hates and loves her for that.
“You can’t compare yourself to Kurt,” Quinn adds, “What you’ve both gone through is different so you can’t use him as an excuse.”
“He doesn’t deserve the way people treat him,” Santana replies, “The way I’ve treated him.”
“And neither do you, but there will always be assholes wherever you go,” Quinn says, “The difference between you and him is that one of you isn’t going to let them win. One of you is still trying.”
Santana’s at a loss for words and they both fall into silence.
“You said you don’t want to lose her?” Quinn mentions a moment later, “Well it doesn’t look like that from where I’m standing.”
“I don’t want to lose her,” Santana reiterates.
“Then you should probably talk to her before you give her the wrong idea, genius.”
Santana shakes her head and lets out a bitter laugh, “You make it sound like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.”
“It is.”
“Says the girl that has practically dated Mike Chang for months yet refused to put a label on it until two weeks ago!”
Quinn purses her lips at Santana’s outburst, “We didn’t put a label on it because Mike’s parents didn’t want him dating during his Senior year. It had nothing to do with what we wanted, but that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you and Brittany.”
Santana sucks in a breath to calm herself down. It’s like a quiet apology that only she and Quinn share after years of friendship. They just sit together for awhile in silence while Santana’s mind works through it all.
“I don’t do relationships, Q,” Santana admits softly.
“You have an excuse for everything,” Quinn laughs, “You don’t do them because you’ve been dating boys this whole time when you’re gay as hell.”
Santana smiles at that.
“Are you really considering stepping back in the closet just because you’re too afraid to go out of your comfort zone?” Quinn asks, “Because that’s the kind of message you’re sending.”
“I don’t know,” Santana huffs.
“Jesus,” Quinn groans as she goes to face Santana fully, “The answer is no. You’re not going to do that. You’re a fighter, Santana. I don’t know when you forgot that but you are.”
Santana sits a little straighter. She doesn’t know when she forgot either.
“We’ve been friends for so long and I’ve seen the difference in how you are with Brittany versus all the dumbass guys you’ve dated,” Quinn says, “It’s a good different and you deserve it. After all that bullshit you went through last year, you deserve to have someone too. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that before it gets through.”
Santana feels a different kind of loved, a kind that only longtime friends can share, as she takes in Quinn’s advice. There’s few people in her life that she can trust to give it to her straight and Quinn’s one of those people.
“You hear me, Lopez?” Quinn urges, “You deserve this and so help me God, if anyone tries to  say anything to you or her I’ll – “
“Okay, okay,” Santana pauses her with a chuckle, “I get it.”
Quinn relaxes and gives her an encouraging smile, “Talk to her.”
“Tomorrow’s that big game or whatever,” Santana frowns, “I don’t want to be a distraction.”
“Then do it after?” Quinn suggests, “Whatever. The sooner the better though.”
\\
That night, Santana paces her room trying to screw her head on straight. It’s pep talk after pep talk, anything to ease the anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach. If she’s prepared well enough, then maybe it won’t be so scary to put her heart on the line like this?
At least, that’s what she’s trying to tell herself.
Tomorrow’s the final game of the Playoffs and she knows how important that is for Brittany, so she doesn’t want to cloud her concentration. She’ll keep to herself and leave Brittany be for now.
Santana decides that she’s going to approach Brittany after the game like Quinn suggested. Hopefully she’ll be in high spirits after a big win and Santana won’t have to compete with the blues of losing.  
Who is Santana kidding? She knows that if anyone can take the Titans all the way, it’s Brittany.
\\\\\
As Brittany returns home after her morning run, she’s surprised to see her mom up and about in the kitchen. She takes out her headphones and kicks off her sneakers just in time to hear her mom call out to her.
“Morning kiddo!” Whitney calls out cheerfully. She’s wearing her polka dotted apron and there’s a spatula in one hand, a frying pan in the other.
“Morning,” Brittany smiles as she ventures in. Her stomach grumbles at the smell of bacon, “You’re up early.”
“Got the day off today,” Whitney tells her, “Thought you could use a real breakfast to start off the day. It’s an important one.”
Brittany smiles before going to grab a water. She was hoping the run would help clear her head since her thoughts have been running a muck since her conversation with Santana in the locker room. It helped a little, but the brunette still lingered in the back of Brittany’s mind.
Santana was a mystery to her. A beautiful, frustrating mystery.
“Everything alright?” Whitney asks with her brows furrowed.
Brittany continues to stare off in space, “Totally.”
“Then maybe you should shut the fridge,” Whitney teases, “You’re letting out all the cold.”
Brittany snaps out of it and realizes that she’s just been standing there with her bottle in hand. She tries to laugh it off and fills her mouth with water before turning to watch Whitney cook.
She’s cracking eggs into a mixing bowl with one hand now, Brittany always thought that was so cool, but Whitney still looks at her skeptically.
“You nervous about the game today?” She asks.
Brittany has to think. She’s always a little nervous before a game, but those are good nerves and she’s use to those. The feeling inside her now though isn’t something she’s familiar with. She kind of feels suspended, still stuck in this limbo with Santana even though they’ve talked.
If you can even call it that.
Maybe that’s what it is? Nothing feels resolved, none of her questions have been answered. If anything, there’s even more of them! It’s not a good mindset going into the final game of the playoffs. She’s been trying to tell herself that all night, but it hasn’t seemed to work.
She’s hurt and a little disappointed by how everything turned out. She hasn’t liked someone so much before and it’s been so long since she has gotten attached to anyone. It’s hard having to be around Santana now; what is she supposed to do with all the little things she has learned about her? It seems wrong to throw them away, but she doesn’t know what the point is in keeping them.
She’s not gonna need them anyway at this rate, but that also makes her wonder. Was that it for them? A whirlwind two weeks then this? Is that all they are meant to be?
Call it crazy optimism but as much as Brittany wants to throw her hands up and call it quits, she can’t. She’s never been a quitter and this thing that pulls her and Santana together is too strong to ignore. She could barely go a day without speaking to her, let alone the rest of her time in Lima. Maybe she should try again, but that also opens her up to getting hurt a second time.
When she sees Whitney look up at her from the corner of her eye, she realizes she hasn’t answered yet.
“My head’s just full of other things right now,” Brittany admits as she plays with the latch on her water bottle, “It’s hard to concentrate.”
Whitney quirks her brow at that, “What’s going on?”
Brittany only shrugs.
“Boy drama?”
Brittany shakes her head.
“Girl drama?”
Brittany hesitates before shaking her head, “I don’t really want to talk about it yet.”
“Okay,” Whitney nods, “You aren’t in any trouble, right?”
Brittany smiles at that, “No, mom, I’m not in any trouble.”
“I’m just checking,” Whitney chuckles as she cracks the last egg into the bowl. She pauses for a moment before looking to Brittany, “Well kiddo, focus on one thing at a time. You don’t have to go solving all your problems at once, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know I don’t need to tell you that,” Whitney adds, “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, but everyone needs a little reminder every now and then. Whatever it is, it’ll work out.”
Brittany feels a tiny spark of hope within her and nods, “One thing at a time.”
“Exactly,” Whitney winks, “Now go shower. Check on your brother too, these eggs won’t take long.”
\\
Brittany decides one thing at a time means winning this game before anything else. Football is what she’s good at, it’s where she thrives and now is as good of a time as any to get back to that.
Being apart of the Titans and getting them this far was her first commitment when she came to McKinley and it’s only right that she sees it through.
\\
It’s the last day before Thanksgiving break so a lot the students – and even some of the faculty – have already checked out. With it being a half day, classes are also on a shortened schedule on top of the Pep Rally at the end of the day. Most people are super excited for the game later; everyone’s decked out in their McKinley High spirit gear and the Titans walk around in their home jerseys.
Everyone offers Brittany and the Titans their luck too – everyone except for the Hockey Team. They just stare bitterly from the outskirts of the crowd where they will always stay if they continue to keep a losing record.
Brittany doesn’t pay any attention to them. She just attends her classes as normal and tries to avoid running into Santana for a second day. Thankfully, she has done a pretty good job of doing just that. She doesn’t even look her way in the cafeteria during lunch although she knows Santana’s there. Like always, she can feel her eyes on her but she doesn’t give in – not this time.
It’s always a different story when she gets to her last class of the day.
\\
Ms. Holliday greets Brittany with a knowing smile as the quarterback enters the classroom. The English teacher is dressed in jeans and a McKinley Titans spirit shirt with her hair tied up with a frilly red and white scrunchie.
“Exciting day,” Ms. Holliday says.
Brittany nods, “Definitely.”
“You’re gonna crush it,” She replies with a pat on Brittany’s shoulder before handing her a worksheet.
Brittany heads to her usual seat, a little thankful that Santana isn’t there yet. She’s been anticipating this moment all day, wondering if it’ll be different than the day before.
Yesterday, they didn’t speak. They didn’t even look at each other. They just sat in a long uncomfortable silence until the bell rang and they both could get the hell out of there as fast as they could.
But Brittany feels different about today and she doesn’t know why.
She knows she should be focusing on the game ahead, but she won’t lie and say it’s easy to go another day without talking to Santana. She’s been the best part of her day for awhile now, it feels off to be without her – especially on Game Day.
Brittany shifts into gear as she sees Santana enter the room from the corner of her eye. She looks up and watches the Co-Captain near their table; her books are hugged to her chest but her eyes stay glued to the floor. It’s the same as yesterday and it has Brittany feeling a little deflated.
But it doesn’t last for long.
“Hi,” Santana whispers as she starts to get settled.
Brittany’s eyes widen and she’s so surprised by the unexpected greeting that she almost forgets to return it.
“Hey.”
“How are you today?”
Brittany tilts her head and smiles even though Santana misses it, “Good. Nervous, but good.”
“You don’t have anything to be nervous about,” Santana tells her like it’s fact, “You’ll be great.”
Brittany softens, “Thanks.”
Santana continues to busy herself with getting her materials out while Brittany patiently waits to see if something more will happen, but nothing does.
It’s another class of sitting in silence, but it feels different this time. It’s not as heavy as it felt yesterday and Brittany’s grateful for that. Really, Brittany just feels a little relieved as she watches Santana get dismissed early for the Pep Rally.
“I’ll see you later,” Santana says and it’s another surprise, “Good luck if I don’t.”
Brittany only smiles, “Thanks.”
\\
The Pep Rally comes and goes and now it’s just a countdown until showtime. Brittany does everything she normally would in preparation for a game and even heads to the locker room early to get ready.
It’s different without Santana there, but it’s for the best.
The Titans need her all because this kind of game is about all or nothing. With a loss, that’s it for them. Their season’s over and for a lot of Seniors on the team, this is it. This is potentially the last game they ever play in their high school career and Brittany can’t have that on her conscience if she doesn’t give it her all.
She gets dressed to the sounds of her Game Day playlist which never fails to get her in the mood to kick some ass. With having the whole locker room to herself, it’s easy to get lost in the music as she continues to get ready. She makes sure she grabs her lucky towel and tucks it into the waistband of her pants before sliding on her left glove.
All that’s left now is a bit of eye black and her helmet before she’s ready to go.
\\
When she and the Titans take to the field for the first time, the feeling is like no other. The crowd is a sea of red and white and it’s the loudest it has ever been. The team rips through the banner and pulses with unwavering determination.
They’re hungry for a win and they’ll take down anyone in their path.
Brittany can feel the roar of the spectators in her chest and pumps her fist in the air as she admires the packed stands. It’s one of the coldest nights so far in November but she feels warm beneath the stadium lights. She knows it won’t last long though and keeps her hands tucked in her handwarmer pouch as she makes her way to the Titans sidelines.
It’s kind of inevitable that she sees Santana and the Cheerios there too.
They’re facing the crowd and waving their pompoms as they call out cheers to get the crowd even more pumped. Santana and Quinn are front and center and Brittany can’t help but steal a glance in the brunette’s direction. It’s only a quick one – enough to catch the brilliant smile she wears – before players interrupt her view.
“Pierce!” Coach Beiste calls out, “Coin Toss.”
Brittany nods and jogs out onto the field with Mike and Matt to meet the referee and the Team Captain from Crawford County Day along with their two elected players. They shake hands and introduce themselves first before the Ref goes over their usual speech about sportsmanship.
Everyone agrees to do their part in keeping the game fair before the Ref asks the visiting team whether they want heads or tails.
“Heads,” The Team Captain calls out.
The Ref tosses the coin in the air.
Everyone watches it spin several times before it lands to the turf. They look to the ground and the Ref bends to call out the outcome.
“Tails!” He says before gesturing to the Titans, “Titans it is your call.”
“Defer,” Brittany replies, trying to keep the smirk from showing. Winning the toss is kind of like a good omen, but she’s not counting her lucky ducks just yet.
The Ref nods and announces the Titans’ decision before the players leave the field.
Crawford County Day’s special teams comes out and the Titans’ special teams does the same. Brittany hangs back by Coach Beiste as they watch Kurt kick the ball away, signaling the official start of the game.
They hadn’t played Crawford County since the early weeks of the season, back when Brittany was still working on her relationship with the team. It was a rough start back then, but the Titans were able to secure a win in the end. They’re in a much better place than they were so Brittany’s excited to see what this game offers.
\\
Crawford County ends up being an even better competitor than Brittany thought.
It seems like the Titans weren’t the only ones working on their rhythm and communication since their last matchup. The Titans trail Crawford County by two touchdowns. It’s like every time they score, Brittany and the Titans aren’t that far behind with one of their own.
However, the Titans were shut down in their last drive and came up without any points.
It’s an offense-led game, but Brittany doesn’t like the idea of playing catch up all night. Not when there’s a Championship Game on the line. She wants to get into a better position going into the half because she knows they’ll be getting the ball afterwards. By then, she hopes it’ll be a blow out once again but she can only judge it one play at a time.
\\
There’s still 6 minutes left in the first half which is a lot of time depending on what you can do with it, especially when you’ve got the ball – and right now, the Titans don’t. If Crawford County was smart, they’d waste as much time as possible so the Titans won’t have much to work with by the time they receive the ball again.
Judging by the current situation, Brittany thinks that’s exactly what they’re going to do.
“Shit,” Brittany mutters as she waits anxiously on the sidelines. She can faintly hear the Cheerios cheering and it makes her want to look over. She’s been doing well so far, why mess that up now?
Brittany doesn’t have a reason. She just looks over instead like it’s second nature.
And like always, Santana’s already looking back at her.
It’s cliché to say, but she steals Brittany’s breath away. She’s waving her pompoms and going through the motions, but her pretty brown eyes never leave Brittany’s.
There’s a hint of a smile on Santana’s lips, it’s barely there but Brittany knows it all too well. She knows all kinds of Santana’s smiles but this is the one she doesn’t see very often. The last time she saw it was the Homecoming bonfire. She can’t remember what they were talking about, but she definitely remembers the way Santana looked at her that night.
It has Brittany smiling back and for a moment it feels like it’s just them on the field. It makes her happy just as much as it makes her sad, because they could’ve been so great together.
“Damnit!” Coach Beiste curses when Crawford County gets another first down.
It jolts Brittany out of her staring contest with Santana and forces her head back into the game.
They need a miracle because at this rate, the Titans are going to be down by three coming out of the half. That’s not the worst scenario possible, but Brittany doesn’t need them getting ahead anymore than they already are.
She watches the ball get snapped and the opposing team’s QB drops back. He searches for a target and launches the ball downfield, but something miraculous happens – a Titan defender catches it.
The crowd goes crazy and the sidelines are even rowdier as Matt takes off with the intercepted ball. He zips through the other players until he’s ultimately dragged down by their quarterback of all people. They’re in great field position now and Brittany can’t be any happier.
“Do something with this, Pierce,” Coach Beiste tells her with a hard pat on her back.
“Yes Coach,” Brittany replies before tugging on her helmet and getting back out there.
\\
The Titans are able to score once more before the half is called thanks to Matt’s interception. They leave the field in high spirits despite still being behind on the scoreboard by a single touchdown.
Well, most of the team is in high spirits.
“I don’t know why we can’t run the ball more!” Karofsky complains, “Lady Lips can’t catch for sh–“
“Hey!” Sam snaps.
“What?” Karofsky flinches at him, “It’s true.”
“It’s not.”
“You’re right,” Karofsky frowns as he turns to Brittany, “I thought you said you were taking us to the Championship?”
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink,” Brittany replies coolly.
“Did you just call me a damn horse?”
Brittany shakes her head, “I’m saying this is a team effort. I can only do so much. It helps no one by tearing each other down.”
“Your head is in the clouds and we can all see it,” Azimio says.
Brittany’s stunned, “What?”
“You’re distracted,” Karofsky answers, “You’ve been like that for awhile.”
“Shit, I would be too if I was hooking up with Lopez on the low,” Azimio mutters beneath his breath.
That puts Brittany over the edge and she’s rounding on him before she realizes it.
“You don’t know anything!” Brittany shoves at him so hard that he nearly falls off the bench. The amount of strength behind the shove shocks everyone because Azimio isn’t a small guy.
“Yo! Chill out!” Azimio pushes her away.
“Talk about her one more time,” Brittany shoves at his hands as Mike starts to pull her back, “I dare you. Talk about her one more time.”
“He was just talking shit,” Karofsky defends with a smirk, “But looks like he might be on to something.”
“That’s enough,” Coach Beiste says before looking warily at Brittany, “Easy, Pierce. Whatever that is, deal with it later.”
Brittany regains her composure while Azimio and Karofsky do the same.
“I give everything to this team,” Brittany states, “I put in extra time on the field. I show up early, I’m the last one to leave. Who else here takes that kind of initiative? I can’t do everything!”
Karofsky waves her off but that just makes Sam even more annoyed.
“You’re such an ass,” Sam tells him, “You’ve been holding up this team’s progress since Britt got here. Who knows if you really want to win this thing.”
“What are you yapping about now, Evans?” Karofsky rolls his eyes.
“You don’t put in the work!” Sam says, “Britt would’ve thrown at least three TD passes by now if she had more time in the pocket but you’re so crap at blocking!”
“What?” Karofsky scoffs, “Let’s count how many times she’s been sacked this game. Oh wait, you can’t because she hasn’t!”
“That’s not because of you!” Sam replies, “She’s slippery, she gets out on her own no thanks to you.”
“What about knockdowns?” Kurt asks, “There’s been a few of those.”
Sam nods, “Yeah, that too!”
“Maybe you just need to be faster?” Azimio cuts in, “All that Bieber hair is probably weighing you down.”
Brittany lets out a sigh as they all start to argue. One thing she hates about being on a team full of guys, their arguments are usually ridiculous and pointless.
“That’s stupid,” Sam grumbles as he fixes his shaggy hair, “Britt needs better protection from both of you. We can’t get downfield because you – “
“We’re doing our job!” Karofsky yells.
“Bullshit,” Puck grumbles, “We have to rely on the passing game because neither of you can create a gap in their D. I’ve been getting snuffed out all night!”
“That’s definitely not on me,” Azimio brushes off, “You couldn’t get yardage if you were the only one on the damn field!”
“The hell you say to me?” Puck snaps and lunges at Azimio.
“Hey!” Coach Beiste booms, “How about focusing on your own roles, huh? If anyone’s going to call out what’s going wrong with this team right now, it’s me. I’m the one coaching this team, not you so cut it out.”
Everyone quiets down but Karofsky continues to stew in his annoyance. It’s nothing new to Brittany, as soon as they’re down – no matter the amount they’re behind – Karofsky and Azimio never fail to complain. Instead of taking ownership, they point the finger at anyone else in the room and Brittany hates that.
“I don’t want to hear anymore of you blaming one another. Each and every one of you are responsible for the outcome of this game,” Coach says, “No one is above or below anyone. You share this load so you better be doing your part. If one of you fails, everyone does. You hear me?”
“Yes Coach,” The team says in unison.
“We might be behind right now, but we’re gaining on them,” Beiste says, “This team is in much better shape and they’re getting worn out. Keep at it and we’ll come out of this on top. You all know what to do, you’ve proved it time and time again. Stay focused. Just keep going, keep putting that pressure on them.”
Brittany inhales a calming breath. She’s done a good job of staying calm and cool under the pressure, she’s done a good job of not telling Azimio and Karofsky’s crap get to her, she can’t stop now. They’re so close to a victory, she can taste it.
Coach Beiste eyes everyone, her gaze steely with her fists resting on her hips. She looks larger than life in front of them, “This is your moment, Titans, take it!”
\\
The Titans take to the field once more after halftime and Brittany remains optimistic about their situation. They’ll be starting the second half by receiving the ball, so it’s the perfect opportunity to tie things up. She tries to forget about the arguing and Karofsky and Azimio’s claims about Santana and get her head back in the game.
\\
The Titans end up on thin ice after their opening drive of the third quarter is a bust.
Brittany was really banking on it to tie the score but Crawford County’s pass rush is too intense. She’s starting to see her O-Line getting worn down despite everyone thinking it would be Crawford County whose fatigue would start to show by now.
It’s been scoreless on both sides as the game clock continues to eat up the third quarter. The Titans are still a TD away from tying things up and Brittany really wants that to happen before they enter the fourth quarter.
They need a big play to get a new set of downs but like Puck said in the half, he’s been getting shut down all night. The first down is only a couple yards away and a running play would be perfect but it might as well be a mile against the re-energized defense.
They need something Crawford County wouldn’t expect, something sneaky.
So in the huddle, Brittany calls the play despite Coach’s detest. It was all or nothing, and this would be just enough to get momentum going again. They need a spark, something that would breathe life back into this team after the morale has been slowly chipped away.
This was the only way she knew how to do that.
“Peek-a-boo,” Brittany says and looks everyone in the eye to make sure they’re with her.
Her teammates look surprised but they nod.
“Alright,” Brittany nodded resolutely, “Titans on three. One…two…three!”
“Titans!” They yelled out in unison with a clap before getting back to the line of scrimmage.
Her heart was racing but this is exactly what she loves about the game. It’s all about the adrenaline and making every play count. She can do this.
Puck gets into position beside Brittany as she readies herself for the snap. Her eyes stay searching the defense for any movement, always scanning.
“Down…hut,” She says lowly. She watches her inflection and thanks her lucky stars that no one on her O-Line flinches, “Down…hut.”
Again, her O-Line are statues. She was hoping she could draw an offsides from the opposing team, but they don’t move either. She stomps her left foot and Puck changes positions, “Down…HUT!”
The ball is snapped perfectly and she quickly fakes the handoff to Puck before he charges to the left. Brittany watches the mob of players move along with him before she’s tucking the ball and taking off in the opposite direction. She just needs a few yards to get the first down and she runs like hell towards it.
She can see in her peripheral that Crawford County’s safety and corner have started to gain on her. Her feet move faster and she jolts her arm out in a stiff arm that connects with one of the players.
The corner tumbles to the ground but there’s still one more Brittany has to worry about. The safety wraps gives her a hard shove but she outstretches the ball in hopes that she can still land the first down before she falls out of bounds.
Brittany hits the turf hard and the ball pops out but she can hear the Ref’s whistle blowing. She glances up in time to see him signal the first down and suddenly her shoulder doesn’t hurt all that bad.
She hops up from the ground as her teammates rush her, but even in the swarm of red and white jerseys Brittany finds herself glancing to the sidelines where Santana looks visibly relieved. Her pompoms are clutched to her chest but when she sees that Brittany is okay, Santana narrows her eyes almost as if to say don’t do that again.
Even if things are weird between them right now, it’s still nice to know Santana worries about her. Brittany smirks though at the chastising look and mouths an apologetic, “I’m sorry.”
But Brittany isn’t, not really. The smile she wears after making an incredible play can probably be seen from space, but they’re not done yet.
“Hell yeah!” Puck shouts excitedly as he slaps Brittany’s on the helmet, “That was so awesome!”
“Let’s do something with this,” Brittany says as determined as ever before getting her team back to their new line of scrimmage. She calls the next play but she wants to keep this momentum going and calls out, “Hurry! Hurry!”
Mike and Sam are set up with Matt on the opposite side. Puck’s next to her again to offer extra coverage as the ball is snapped. She drops back and searches for an open receiver but the linebackers are quickly closing in. The more time she sits in the pocket, the bigger chance she has of someone on her team getting penalized for holding. She has to act now!
Suddenly Matt gets open and Brittany fires the ball into his open hands. It’s like a laser beam but he makes the catch and brings it into his chest before getting tackled to the turf. It was a nice grab for a good chunk of yardage, another first down.
“Let’s go!” Mike cheers as everyone gets back into position.
The clock continues to tick away but they’re in way better field position now, Brittany has to make something of it. The endzone is right there, if she can’t get a strike she’s going to be really disappointed in herself.
In the huddle, she calls a play that’s well-practiced amongst the receivers but the challenge is whether or not her receivers can put enough distance between them and their defenders. A pass like this could be easily picked off and if it does, that’ll be a big blow to the Titans’ morale.
“Down…” Brittany calls out as she readies for the snap, “Down, HUT!”
Similar to the play before, her receivers take off but instead of running up field they make quick slants in different directions. Brittany looks for the most promising target and fires towards them. This time it’s Mike and he leaps into the air to make the catch. The ball continues to stay secured in his arms as he drops back to the turf and heads for the endzone.
Brittany watches it all happen in slow motion. One step, two step, three step, SCORE!
The stands erupt in applause while the team celebrates. Brittany rushes down to join them and for the first time all quarter, she feels like she can recognize her team again. They head to their sidelines as the special team is brought out for the extra point.
While everyone watches and waits to see what Kurt can do, Brittany’s glancing to Santana again. At first, she’s looking at the kicking team too but then she turns to Brittany almost as if she could feel her watching.
Santana quirks her brow and tilts her head toward the field but Brittany keeps staring. Maybe that hit earlier has knocked a couple screw loose but Brittany can’t find it in her to look away. She’s been depriving herself for the past two days now and in this moment, while she’s surrounded by her teammates and she’s meant to be tuned into the game, she just wants to look at Santana.
And she knows she shouldn’t want to go over there and kiss her either, but she can’t help what her heart wants.
The crowd cheering again after Kurt’s kick is good is the only thing that breaks Brittany’s concentration. The Titans have now tied with Crawford County and there’s still a whole quarter left in the game. Everyone looks revived and Brittany has such a good feeling about what’s coming next once they get the ball back.
\\
Halfway through the fourth quarter, the Titans lead by a field goal and they’re already closing in on another TD but again Crawford County’s D isn’t letting that happen so easily. They’re on third down and short but Karofsky’s already started up with his bullshit again after another pass was batted to the ground.
“I knew you’d choke,” Karofsky scolds after Brittany calls a timeout, “What the hell was that?”
Brittany shakes her head but continues to keep her cool, “It looked like they got the jump on you. Maybe you need to keep a better eye on your man.”
“I had my eye on him!”
Puck laughs, “I bet you did.”
Karofsky shoves at him and Puck shoves back. Matt quickly gets in between them and pushes them apart.
“You’re blowing this for us,” Karofsky claims as he glares at Brittany, “You were just all talk! Now that you’re here, you’re choking.”
Brittany frowns. She knows he’s just taking out his frustrations on her because she’s the leader of this team, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. She doesn’t usually believe a thing he says, but the more he runs his mouth the less she starts to believe in herself.
Is she blowing this for them? Should she be doing more? What more could she possibly do?
“How about you take some ownership?” Brittany says instead, “As soon as something doesn’t go our way, it’s my fault. Well, what about you? What are you doing to make this team work? What’s your contribution?”
“This is bullshit,” Karofsky growls as he takes a step closer to her.
Brittany doesn’t waver, “Yeah. It is.”
She just keeps her chin held high and her fists tight by her sides. She could go off right about now, unleash all the pent up feelings she has about him and his shitty attitude and the comments he’s made about Santana.
She could do it, but she won’t. For the sake of this team and for Santana, she won’t. She’s better than him and she can’t stoop to his level no matter how bad she wants to.
“It’s not her fault you’re outmatched,” Sam replies as he pushes Karofsky back to his side of the huddle.
“I’m getting tired of you always defending in her!” Azimio snaps.
“We’re a team, that’s what we do! We have each other’s back.”
Karofsky just shakes his head before Brittany takes back the huddle. She calls her next play and tries to rally a bit of support but she can see her O-Line is tired and it doesn’t help that Karofsky keeps making things negative.
“Let’s just focus here,” Brittany tells them, “One thing at a time.”
So Brittany and most of the Titans do just that.
It’s one play at a time, one touchdown, one win. That’s all they need to do to come out of this on top.
Brittany sets up another play action and has Puck get into position next to her. The ball is snapped and she fakes it to Puck but #87 for Crawford County is in her face in an instant. It happens a lot quicker than it usually does so she has to scramble. She tries to duck and dodge him while looking for someone to offload the ball, but then she’s blindsided by #99 coming in from the opposite side.
She’s hit hard once again and drops to the ground with two defenders wrapped around her. Miraculously, Brittany was able to hang onto the ball during that sack but she’s slow to get up.
Actually, she’s slow to even move.
36 notes · View notes
satoruvt · 4 years
Text
the color of you - blue (6)
ITS HERE. I HOPE I DID WELL. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT AKDSHKFJSDH
pairing → keigo takami x reader
word count → 3213
summary → you’re not really dating, so you can’t really be in love with him... right?
song inspo → hell of flying by jeremy zucker, cassette by demian, a lil of bugbear by chloe moriondo
this chapter → y/n comes to conclusions, keigo’s a dork, tension, a fight, crying.
part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven
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So it’s been… strange.
Or rather, it hasn’t been strange at all, which makes everything even more strange, somehow. You feel like things should be so much different, but they’re not. You reached a wild conclusion that threw you for a fucking loop, made you sit in your kitchen at Angel Cakes and contemplate what the hell you were going to do about anything that would ever occur to you from here on out. Sometimes you almost ask Keigo how things haven’t changed at all, since you’ve decided that you like him, but then you have to stop yourself from saying anything because, oh, right, you haven’t told him.
You don’t plan to, either.
It’d just mess everything up, wouldn’t it? To say “hey, I know we’ve been fake dating for like two and a half months now but I’m kind of liking the idea of really dating you”? Kinda fucked. Not to mention, from a professional stance, what if it ruins your guys’ chemistry when you’re being watched by the entire world? If someone finds out that the whole thing is fake - regardless of your feelings - it means Keigo’s public image and your entire life at the bakery. Everything would go to shit, and after it’s burned down, you doubt you’d even have Keigo.
So you’re not telling him. You’re in love with one of your closest friends, who you are also fake dating, who is also the Number Two hero in the country, and you’re not telling him how you feel. Yes. Okay.
You’ve had a lot of time to reflect about your own feelings, because after Keigo left to fight that villain the other day (and after you managed to get off the ground and clean up) you were sure it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Yeah, he looked pretty, and there was something dreamy and domestic about laughing and throwing baking ingredients at each other, so maybe your heart just got confused. 
But you’d called him to ask if he was okay (instead of a usual text) and he’d picked up the phone and laughed and your heart had not done that before. Not with Keigo, not on the phone, and not like that. And usually his pet names amused you, but he’d called you “sweetheart” over the phone and his voice was tired and drawled a bit. It made you dizzy. You said goodbye pretty soon after that.
You’re barely walking up the stairs of your apartment complex when your phone buzzes in your pocket. Butterflies (and moths, a few) erupt in your stomach when you read the name, and then immediately die when you read the text itself.
keigo baby 🐦
Do u want to have a playdate with me 👉👈 I could come over if ur mom says its okay
Why him? You think to yourself, swallowing the vomit in your throat and fishing your keys out of your bag to unlock your door. You text back when you get inside, throwing your belongings on the nearest surface.
y/n
don’t ever talk to me again
keigo baby 🐦
Is that a yes??
y/n
….fine, but if u ever use those emojis again i’ll break up with u. legally 
keigo baby 🐦
baby no!!!!
You throw your phone down onto your sofa before flopping over it, letting yourself sink into the cushions for a moment. It takes no more than ten minutes for Keigo to be at your door, letting himself in without so much as a knock. You know that it’s technically your doing, since you didn’t lock it when you came in, but you still whine at him about it, and he mocks you jokingly.
It seems he either senses your tiredness or didn’t have anything in mind to do anyways, because all Keigo does is lift your legs up from where they’re sprawled out on the couch and sits down in their place, letting them flop back onto his lap. He adjusts so his wings aren’t smashed against the back of the couch (or, at least, not as much). You move your feet off of his lap.
You’ve come to really appreciate days like this, where you simply bask in his company and he does yours. As much as Keigo is nonchalant about his lifestyle, you know it’s exhausting for him to do what he does every single day, and then to have to talk to people (fans, reporters, anyone). He doesn’t need to say anything for you to know. And, well, if you can give him a moment of comfort -
God, no, stop thinking like that. You can’t afford to think like that right now. 
The two of you talk, occasionally sharing posts from social media and laughing at dumb little cat videos (there was one that was five whole minutes of one of the guys from that k-pop band being compared to cat pictures and it’s the most wholesome thing you’ve ever seen to date). Before you know it, it’s been a few hours, the sun just fully covered by the distant mountains. The sky cools down in purple and blue hues, dressing up for the night to come. You and Keigo are laughing over old vines, and in your mind you think that it really couldn’t be that bad for this to be every night instead of just… some nights.
At the end of the compilation Keigo groans out a lingering laugh, stretching his legs out as best he can without hitting your coffee table. You stand up, feeling the need to move around as well, and walk towards your kitchen for a drink. Keigo stands after you but doesn’t move, letting his wings flex and stretch from being contained for so long. You get a glass of water, lift it to your lips just as Keigo lifts his arms above his head and holy fucking shit, his stomach -
Tummy! the tiny voice in your head squeals, but the hornier one screams at the top of its lungs ABS and honestly you don’t know what the fuck to do and neither does your body so you choke on your water. Keigo startles, eyes wide, and with a mumbled “holy shit” makes his way over to you as you cough and sputter over your sink.
It takes a minute, but you eventually come back, eyes watery and face red for multiple reasons. You take a deep breath and Keigo rubs your back, eyeing you, which only makes the entire situation worse.
“Jesus, are you okay?” He asks, and you nod, but you can’t look at him.
“Yeah, uh,” you clear your throat, blinking a few times. “Just… went down the wrong pipe, I guess.”
Fuck.
-
You barely recover from seeing a sliver of Keigo’s stomach, and the memory haunts you for days. You attempt at willing it out of your brain, try to tell yourself that you just didn’t see it at all, but your heart is strong as hell and refuses to let your head forget it. You think about it multiple times a day. You think about it for at least twenty minutes each time. You think about it until Keigo texts you a little less than a week after it happened.
Your phone buzzes on the counter in the kitchen and you finish up your bread dough, putting it into a bowl gently and setting a timer to let it prove. Once your hands are effectively clean, you open the message, letting yourself scoff.
keigo baby 🐦
Just finished a photoshoot, could really use a donut right now :/
Attached to his message is a picture of himself, and honestly, he looks really fucking good. It takes pretty much everything in you not to collapse and die. God.
You look up a picture of a donut on Google - they sold out today, and you are not going to make one just for Keigo - and send it to him. For my hardworking fake boyfriend, you send with it. Mostly to emphasize fake for both of you. Yourself especially.
keigo baby 🐦
Fake??? :( sweetheart, u hurt me
Your mind stops working when you read his text, so you leave him on read.
-
The next time you see Keigo in person is when you’re contemplating whether or not you should keep… hanging out with him.
The contract only has a little over a month left, so it’s not as if it’d be that hard to deal with… besides, it’d be easier on the both of you when this whole thing inevitably ends. You don’t see yourself being able to be around him without thinking about kissing him over and over. Not now, at least. You hope it changes. You hope it’s a weird phase or something. 
Keigo texts you and invites - demands - you over (his excuse is that with the hero conference coming up soon many of the smaller heroes are taking care of villains and giving him more time off) and honestly, if you’re really gonna try to stop talking to him as much, this could be your goodbye or whatever. Also, he mentioned wine, and you need to get drunk. Like, “give me an entire bottle so I can cope with the idea of falling for you because I know that you don’t feel the same and I am simply trying to ride out the rest of this “relationship” so I don’t ruin our dynamic and chemistry while we’re being watched by literally the entire world” drunk.
Yeah. It’s been a rough few weeks.
Every time you go to Keigo’s apartment it reminds you of just how broke you are, but you suppose the apartment itself is fitting. It’s definitely modern, but it holds the clutter of Keigo’s personality - blankets strung everywhere, LED lights, a poster of Endeavor hung up in his closet (but you’re sworn to secrecy about that, you pinky promised). When you knock on his door he doesn’t answer, and it’s a good minute and a half before you get a text that says “it’s open, come in” and you sigh, because again, why him?
He’s sitting on the couch, and when he sees you he smiles like he didn’t just refuse to open the door because he’s too lazy. “Well, if it isn’t the love of my life,” he says, and for a second you can fool yourself into believing it’s genuine.
“I’m just here for the wine, dude,” you tease, and he mocks offense at your words.
“Ouch. Mid-relationship rejection.”
Nonetheless, Keigo gets the wine himself (selective little shit) and two glasses, pours each of you one. It isn’t long before you’ve had at least three glasses but no more than five, and you’re maybe, perhaps, a little drunk. 
Keigo is, too, so you’re not really alone, but he’s talking about something Endeavor did like he’s the greatest hero in the world. It makes you smile, just a bit, but then again, you’re usually sentimental when you’re drunk, so maybe it’s just that. Or maybe it’s because you like him. It doesn’t really matter now.
“Hey, Kei,” you murmur when he’s done with his story. He hums, takes another sip out of his glass. “What happens when this is over?”
You look at your feet, scrunching up your toes inside your socks so you have something to look at. Then your eyes move up more, to the top of his coffee table, and then finally they land on him, and he looks gorgeous. He always does.
Keigo blinks once, twice, then shrugs, goes back to his wine. “Dunno. I hope we’re still friends, though,” he says.
“Friends? You want to be friends?”
You’re drunk. You should go to sleep, or go home, or something. Talking is not something you should be doing.
“What?” Keigo asks, but more like he didn’t hear you rather than he didn’t understand, so you take your chance, even through your hazed mind.
“Nothing,” you say, swirling the wine in your glass. “Forget about it.”
And it seems like he does, because when you wake up on his couch the next morning with a killer headache and he stumbles out of his room with a groan he doesn’t mention anything about it even when he talks about everything else.
-
Keigo texts you a few days later, a picture of him posing with another wine bottle. 
keigo baby 🐦
round 2??
The picture is cute. He’s smiling, all lips and curves and blonde hair and tan skin. He’s dressed in sweats, you can see, but he still looks like a model. It makes your heart sink and fly at the same time.
y/n
can’t, sorry. have to stay late at angel cakes. i’ll see u at the hero conference tho
He doesn’t text you for a while after that.
-
The conference comes quick, and before you know it you’re in another hotel suite, getting makeup done. It doesn’t take as much dressing up - your dress is shorter this time, less formal, your makeup less extravagant. You don’t feel nervous, not like last time, but you don’t necessarily feel comfortable either. Your makeup artist is different this time.
It takes a considerably less amount of time for you to get ready, and you stare at yourself in the mirror before it’s time to go. Your dress is beautiful - blue, royal, deep and light at the same time and gorgeous. Simple, too, nothing too out there. When you step out of the hotel room you notice Keigo’s still in his hero costume, but you suppose he has to be. You don’t match with him like you did last time.
There’s no banter, no teasing, no compliments. The ride to the venue is quiet. Keigo sends you a look at one point - a “tell me what’s wrong” look - but you only shrug, offer him the best smile you can, which apparently isn’t convincing, because he frowns when he sees it. You wish he wouldn’t frown so much.
The conference is short, but maybe you’re just distracted. An usher walks you to your seat at a VIP table and it seems like you sit down and then it ends. You clap for Keigo, smile like you’re endlessly proud of him - and you are, even if it doesn’t show that well tonight - and watch him make a scene becuase that’s what he does. He winks at you at one point during the night, while he’s talking into the microphone, and you know it’s for the publicity. The conference ends significantly earlier than the awards show, however, so you don’t have to stay in the suite for the night. 
The ride back to the suite seems shorter than the ride to the venue and it takes you maybe twenty minutes to wipe the makeup off of your face and take off your dress. You walk across the hall to Keigo’s room, knock on the door. He answers.
“Okay, I’m gonna head out, I’m feelin’ kinda tired,” you tell him with a small smile. “Just wanted to say bye.”
“Let me walk you home,” he says instead, and your brain yells at you no!
“No, it’s fine, Kei -”
“Please. I want to.”
He’s never said that before, and a part of you knows you wouldn’t be able to say no to him even if he hadn’t, so you nod and let him follow you out of the hotel and to your apartment. The walk is silent and it makes you feel uneasy but you can’t really do anything about it, not with what you’re trying to do, so nothing happens until you reach your apartment.
You know where this is going, even if you don’t want to, so you take a deep breath, hold the door open for him so Keigo can come inside. He looks at you weirdly for a moment but then enters your apartment, standing in the junction of your entryway and living room like he’s uncomfortable. You let him, then walk to the kitchen for something to drink.
“What’s wrong with you?” You ask, eyeing him suspiciously.
Keigo scoffs. “Shouldn’t that be my line?”
You know he noticed - it’s impossible not to, but you didn’t think… you didn’t think he’d call you out on it. Your pause is evident, but you pretend like it didn’t happen at all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say.
“Yeah? Wanna rethink that, sweetheart?”
The almost-malice in his tone when he says your usual pet name startles you, and when you look up at Keigo it seems like it startled him, too, doe-eyed and looking at you. You shake your head, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room behind him to throw your things down, try to pass the message to him that this is not good. “You’re wrong,” you say.
“I’m not - I’m not wrong, Y/N,” he says, turning around to look at you. “Every time I see you it seems like you’re pushing me away, like you’re not here, and I don’t know if I did something, but I -” he pauses, runs a gloved hand over his face and you want to tell him that it’s not his fault, but that would lead to you telling him everything, and you can’t. “I miss you.”
His voice is broken. When you speak again, your voice sounds like his, but somehow worse. Smaller. “You’re wrong,” you insist. You know he’s not.
“I’m not,” he pushes back. “I’d like to think that in the months we’ve been -”
He stops himself, and you take your opportunity. “That we’ve been what? Dating? We’re not dating, Keigo, we both signed a fucking contract to benefit your public image! This is nothing!”
You have no idea what you’re doing. It’s not nothing. It will never be nothing.
“You think this is nothing?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me that you know for sure we’ll still be friends when this is over.”
He can’t, and he won’t. You’re trying really hard not to cry, but it hurts to fight with him like this, and it hurts that you think you’re falling in love with him, and it hurts that if you tell him it’ll ruin everything and it hurts, so a few tears slip out anyways.
“Y/N,” Keigo says, and his voice is so soft. You want to melt into him, but you shy away when he reaches for you. “Please just tell me -”
“I can’t do this anymore,” you choke out. “I can’t - I’m - I’m calling it. I’ll send my lawyer if you need anything but I just…”
You can’t even look at him. Has he always been so far away?
“Get out, Keigo.”
It sounds so cold, so unfamiliar, coming from your mouth and you half expect another person to have said it entirely. This isn’t you, this isn’t how you and Keigo act, this isn’t… this isn’t it. There’s a pause, like he’s waiting for something, but then you hear him sigh - practically feel him deflate, and then he walks out of your apartment, door shutting quietly behind him.
It’s so quiet when he’s gone.
You take a deep breath, walk back to your bedroom, curl into yourself on the bed, and cry in the blue light of the sky left behind by the sun.
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nalgenewhore · 4 years
Text
Slipping Through My Fingers - Fourteen
masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 
warnings: none
an: .....hehe 
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Her apartment was cold and dark. Everywhere she looked, she saw him. 
His hoodie was on the chair, his side of the bed rumpled from the nights he spent here. Even her cupboard and fridge were filled with his favourites. 
Elide had finally been able to convince Yrene she was fine to be alone, but she wasn’t. It was crushing down on her, her heart feeling like it had been ripped out of her chest. 
He didn’t trust her. 
She loved him. 
He didn’t trust her. 
She wanted to be with him forever. 
He didn’t trust her. 
Her knees buckled and she fell against the door, sliding to the floor as a pained, heartbroken sob fell from her lips. She hugged her knees to her chest, tilting her head back on the door as she sobbed again, her vision blurred by hot tears. 
Elide covered her mouth with her hand, sobbing into the skin of her palm. 
She’d been broken up with before, she’d broken up with people before. Hell, her last relationship - she’d never felt heartbreak like that. But this, this was unbearable. And they hadn’t even officially broken up. 
Elide buried her face in her arms and muffled her sobs in her hoodie, no sound coming from her as her shoulders shook. 
“I love you,” she whispered, hoping he somehow heard her. Hoping he held onto the remains of her heart that he’d ripped from her and hoping he would take care of her soul for her, just in case she never got it back.
+*+*+*+*+*+*
Elide was still crying when she used her key to open Aelin’s door. She was trying to quell her tears when she walked in and saw the living room and kitchen lit up by countless candles. And there Aelin was, dressed in an oversized white dress shirt that had to be Rowan’s and nothing else.  
“Hey, babe– Ellie?” Aelin stood up from where she was sprawled seductively across her couch. 
“You’re not wearing pants,” Elide cried, hiccuping slightly. 
Aelin winced and walked over to her, “I know, I’m sorry, we were supposed to do this whole no-pants night…” she trailed off, utterly confused at Elide’s distress. 
“Do you want me to take my pants off too,” she sobbed, dropping her keys and purse to hug her sister. 
“Oh, no, honey,” Aelin crooned, wrapping Elide up in a soothing embrace. “What happened? Where’s that broody mans of yours?” 
“I don’t think he’s my mans anymore,” Elide cried, burying her face in Aelin’s shoulder. 
“What?” Elide pulled back, shaking her head as she tried to breathe. Shock lined the features of Aelin’s face and she gaped. “Are you serious? You broke up?” 
“I don’t know,” Elide whispered, closing her eyes as more tears slid past her lashes. “I don’t know anything.” 
“Oh, honey, it’s ok,” Aelin shushed her and walked Elide into her bedroom, nudging her to the king sized bed. Elide had always thought her sister’s bed was ostentatiously big, but she didn’t complain or say a thing as she crawled in and sunk down on the soft mattress.
Aelin ducked into her walk-in closet to change after kissing Elide’s forehead and whispering, “Just breathe, darling.” 
Elide nodded and tried to breathe through her tears. She closed her eyes and all she saw was Lorcan looking down at her with utter disapproval.
I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never– She couldn’t stop herself from spiralling and started to hyperventilate, not able to get enough air into her lungs. 
Her hiccups and desperate gasps for breath had Aelin running back in, tugging a sweater over her head. “Elide, oh gods,” she said, sitting on the bed and hugging her sister close. “Baby, I need you to breathe right now.” 
“He doesn’t trust me,” Elide sobbed, her throat burning raw. 
“Of course he does,” Aelin assured her, brushing back her hair and wiping her tears away. Elide just shook her head, shutting her eyes tightly. They heard the door open and Rowan called out Aelin’s name. The blonde got up and raced out, whispering the situation to him before returning. “He’s going out to get us food from Emrys’.” Elide smiled weakly and wiped her cheeks, dropping her hands into her lap. 
“I’m sorry for ruining your night,” she mumbled, sniffling loudly. “I just- I didn’t want to be alone.” 
“Oh, it’s fine,” Aelin said, waving her hand dismissively as she settled back against the pillows. “So, what happened?” 
Elide sighed shakily, picking at her nail. “We got in a fight last night. We were gonna talk about it, but something happened at the shop and then I was watching Ko–” she sobbed and leaned into Aelin. “And he broke his arm and at the hospital Lorcan told me he never should’ve trusted me to watch his kid.” 
Aelin shook her head and pulled Elide closer, “Honey, no, come on, he’s crazy about you.” 
“He barely talks to me anymore,” she admitted, her lower lip trembling. “You should’ve seen his face, Ae. He looked like he was regretting everything, us everything in that moment and I just- my heart hurts so much.” She pressed her hand against her chest, like it would stop aching for one blissful moment. 
All her sister could do was cuddle her close. They laid in that heavy silence that Elide broke by whispering, “I love him.” 
Aelin could only hug her tighter and rest her chin on Elide’s head, “I know.” 
+*+*+*+*+*+*
By the time the door to her apartment opened again, Elide had long since fallen asleep and Aelin carefully extracted herself from her sister’s koala-like hug to tiptoe out to her boyfriend. Rowan wore a stony expression as he passed her the takeout bag. “How is she?” 
“Heartbroken,” Aelin answered. Rowan reached down to smooth away the frown on her forehead when she lowered her brow. 
“Why are you so pissed now?” 
“‘Cause Elide is perfect for him. She doesn’t put up with his asshole shit. Usually,” she said, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms.  
“Yeah, well,” Rowan sighed, glancing back through her open bedroom door at the small figure on the bed, “she’s not invincible.” 
Aelin had been holding off her anger, because it was so clearly not what Elide wanted, but Elide wasn’t awake right now. And nobody messed with Aelin’s baby sister like that. “I’m gonna kill him.” 
“Woah, woah, hey, easy now,” Rowan said, catching her arms and blocking her from the door. Aelin bared her teeth and wrestled against him to no avail. 
“Let me go,” she spat, a snarl curling her lip. “Rowan, I swear, let me go.”
“Ae, listen to me,” he said, his voice hard and serious enough that she stopped fighting to get to the door long enough to pay attention. “I agree - he needs his ass kicked, but not right now and definitely not by you. Lorcan is… not ok, alright? I know he said some fucked up shit and I know that he hurt your sister, but he needs space right now.” 
“Space?” Aelin hissed, narrowing her eyes up at Rowan, who remained impassive and unmoving. “He breaks her heart and he needs space?” She made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat and tried to move again, but his hold was like steel around her wrists. 
“If you push him now, Aelin, he will never come back,” Rowan told her, something like grief flashing over his face before he schooled his expression. “What’s more important right now? Beating him up in front of his five-year old or taking care of Elide?” Aelin rolled her eyes and looked to the side, but Rowan wasn’t having it. He switched her wrists to one hand and gripped her chin in the other, making her meet his eyes. “Huh?” 
“Yeah, fine, whatever,” she muttered, yanking her wrists away and glaring at him as she snatched the takeout bag and utensils. “Did you get drinks?” 
He scoffed and nodded, “‘Course I did.” Rowan gave a pointed look to the other bag on the counter and she opened it, smiling excitedly at what she found. “Well, I guess I should get going then.” 
Aelin nodded and pouted, walking over to him and leaning up to kiss him gently, “I think we can make up for no-pants night with no clothes night.” Without another word, she pranced away, waving her fingers before she shut the door. 
+*+*+*+*+*+*
Lorcan unlocked his front door and put Kohana down, trying to keep himself together as his son sat on their bench and he kneeled to help him take off his boots. 
“Daddy?” 
“Yeah, kid?” he asked absentmindedly, harebrained as he toed off his own shoes and hung up his jacket. 
“Where did Ellie go? She was ‘posed to tell me a story,” he said in his little voice, kicking out his feet and scrunching his brow. 
Lorcan stuttered in his movements, his heart dropping as he floundered for words. “Um, she- I don’t-” he breathed out heavily and crouched down in front of his kid, trying not to let his grief show. “Ellie had to go home, coconut.” Kohana giggled at the nickname. “And… I don’t think we’ll be seeing her for a bit, ok?” 
“Why not, Daddy?” His brow scrunched in confusion. 
“She needs a little space right now and that means she won’t be at home with us,” Lorcan said, trying to keep his voice clear and even. “But, you’ll see her at school still.” 
“Oh,” Kohana said demurely, frowning slightly. “Ok.” Then, he hopped down and padded over to the couch, where Tigger was. The cat meowed and turned to glare at Lorcan as Kohana crawled onto the chair. Tigger coiled in his lap and flicked his fluffy tail over Kohana’s cast, batting at it experimentally. Deeming it to not be a threat, Tigger settled down and turned his yellow eyes on Lorcan, no doubt plotting his demise. Lorcan didn’t blame him. 
“You hungry, Ko?” 
“Can I have chicky nuggies? Please,” Kohana asked, cuddling his cat and gently petting him as Tigger purred. 
“For sure, kid,” Lorcan said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and navigating to his UberEats app, ordering the child some chicken nuggets and nothing for himself. After paying and getting the half-hour wait notification, Lorcan went to turn off his phone, but was stopped. 
He stared at his home screen, at the picture of Elide, her nose scrunched as she tried to stop her smile. She was sipping iced coffee through a straw, as per usual, the sun hitting her eyes just right that they looked like pools of dark honey. Gods, she was beautiful. And he had ruined everything, utterly everything. 
Kohana’s sweet voice called him back to the present and over to the couch, instructing him to put on Space Jam. 
When his food arrived, Kohana was only able to eat a couple nuggets until he nodded off, half a nugget in his hand and the other in Tigger’s fur. Lorcan turned down the volume, unable to sit in the silence of his self-inflicted heart ache as he stared in the vague direction of the TV. 
It was just like him, ruining something before it got good. And Elide? She was better than good. 
She was everything.
+*+*+*+*+*+*
an: hm. well. 
@mythicaitt​ @tinywolfofeyllwe​ @schmlip-scribble​ @the-regal-warrior​ @empire-of-wildfire​ @rhysands-highlady​ @shyvioletcat​ @alifletcher2012​ @ttakeitbacknoww​ @tswaney17​ @ourbooksuniverse​ @flora-and-fae​ @thesirenwashere​ @queenofxhearts​ @maastrash​ @mynewdreamwasyou​ @cursebreaker29​ @superspiritfestival​ @empress-ofbloodshed​ @queen-of-glass​ @sleeping-and-books​ @beccasophia95​ @exersize-me-i-dare-u​ @thewayshedreamed​ @hizqueen4life​ @ifinallygavein​ @bat-wing-rhys​ @awkward-avocado-s​ @b00kworm​​ @mu-si-ca-l​ @lovemollywho​ @tacmc​ @soitsgorgeous​ @staarligght​ @starrynightsbooks​ @keshavomit​
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theonekid123 · 3 years
Text
Seashells and Dandelions
Chapter Two
Summary: Marco Bodt's childhood friend joins the scouts in hopes of making a better life, Marco being the person he is refuses to let her do it alone and insists he comes with her. They go through highs, (making friends, growing a stronger friendship, and making memories with each other and their new friends) and lows. When Marco's death hit Y/N it hit hard and they sought out the comfort of Armin, the two being previous friends to get closer and eventually form a romantic relationship. However, living in a world of demons can take a toll on relationships platonic and romantic.
.
"You're going to get wrecked by her Y/N," Marco said jogging to keep up
" I'm sure ill be fine, it's not like she'll kill me" I scoffed rolling my eyes
"Y/N don't be so cocky, have you seen her in a match," Jean said walking backward in front of you.
"Guys, I'm going to be fine. Stop worrying" I said, getting annoyed, I get they're worried but really? It's not that big of a deal, we all have to match with each other at least once.
"All we're trying to say is-" Jean cut off as he tripped on his foot and fell on his back
"Maybe you should worry more about yourself Jean," I said going to meet up with my training partner. Annie. She was a very beautiful girl, very stoic, and kept to herself
"Go easy Annie" Connie shouted from where he was "training" with Sasha
"I'm sorry about them, they're idiots, let's just start" God they were embarrassing. We took a stance and Marco was staring, worry clear on his face. Neither of us was throwing the first punch just circling. It was getting rather boring so I faked the first move causing her to react and throw a punch to my left side but I dodged, moving to the right. She moved quickly and precisely. She knew what she was doing and she definitely had experience, but so did I. I had an upper hand being taller than her but she has easily taken down people twice her size. I threw a kick to her side but she dodged with ease. This went on for a while we both got some good hits in but neither of us was down. It started to draw attention and soon there was a crowd observing. After a while, I decided to use my "special" move. I got behind her and ran kicking her in the back of the knee then the middle of her back then I forced her down by putting my feet on her shoulders and pushing off on them doing a flip and landing in a crouching position on the ground. I looked up and saw Annie on the floor, soon getting up. I got up and walked towards her as she put her hand out. I shook it and she gave a nod before walking away.
"Holy shit Y/N!"
"Did you just beat Annie?!"
"That was so cool"I looked to see the crowd going crazy before commander Sadies came to stop the "ruckus" as he put it. At a distance, Eren was trying to figure out to ask you for help regarding the training
.
"Come on Armin you're smart, how do I approach her?" Eren said to his close friend while he paced back and forth
"I don't know Eren, people arent my best subject" He replied sitting down with a book in his hand next to Mikasa"But I have to be subtle about it, I can't just say "Hey help me with the training" that would sound weird" He sighed
"Y/N is an approachable person, just be straight forward," Mikasa said like it was obvious
"Ok fine Mikasa! Armin, you have to come with me" Eren stated
"Wa-what why?" Armin said getting nervous, he had an attraction to you that he wouldn't admit. Seeing how you would take punishments for things you didn't even do, and how determined you were to accomplish whatever your goal was. You attracted him and the thought of actually talking to you scared him. What if he made a fool out of himself, yeah he had a way with words but he never used them like that.
"Let's go," Eren said, grabbing his friend's arm and dragging him to where you were currently, talking to Connie and Marco. Eren stopped about 2 feet away, Connie was the first to notice. He nudged Marco and he got the hint and they left. You turned to face the two boys.
"Hey Eren, Armin how can I help you," You said it with such sincerity, and the small smile that played on your lips nearly made Armin pass out. He had to pull himself together, he just needed time to put the words together that's all....right
"Y/n.......um....Armin has to ask you something" Eren blurted out pushing Armin in front of him and in turn, closer to you.
"Eren, what?" he said confused at what his friend was doing
"What do you need" there was the stupid smile again, Armin started to breathe heavily and his eyes were darting everywhere. He didn't even understand what was going on with him which lead to him panicking. He never felt this way before.
"Armin, are you ok," you asked, stepping closer to him with concern etched across our face. He fell to his knees trying to calm down.
"Fuck Armin, what's wrong do you need water, um.. just breath focus on breathing," you said dropping to your knees and taking his face softly in your calloused hands. It was comforting but he was internally cursing himself for crumbling so easily.
"Hey, it's ok, calm down. Breathe Armin. In and out" you said moving one hand from his face to hold his other hand he began to calm down
"Ok that's good, here drink some water ok," you offered, opening your water and placing it up to his lips and he took a few small sips. Standing up and offering Armin a hand, pulling him up.
"Ok I'm sorry I didn't realize that was going to happen, we came here because I wanted to ask you for help with the training, I'm not very good and you are so...'' Eren confessed. Looking ashamed and embarrassed a light hatred laugh escaped your lips
"Eren you don't have to be embarrassed to ask for help, no one will think less of you for needing it. I'll be happy to help you," you replied to the stunned looking boy. He was not expecting that response, Mikasa was right you were approachable. Of course, he wasn't going to admit she was right
"I should probably take Armin to the Bunks to rest," Eren said awkwardly scratching his neck
"Alright, well whenever you want me to help please feel free to let me know I'm not a very busy person," you said walking away
"You like her don't you," Eren asked looking at his friend who had a blush going all the way down his neck
"Shut up Eren"
.
.
.
"Y/N look at me and breath," Armin said trying to get you to focus
"Why was it him, I promised. I promised" legs giving out underneath your, sending you to the ground with a shaking body caused by sobs and adrenaline. You just kept repeating how it was a promise and it wasn't fair.
"Y/N listen to me ok," Armin said, crouching down and softly pulling your hands away from your face. He was silently grateful they were in a rather private area. Looking into your eyes, they looked broken
"It's not your fault, how could you have known that something was going to happen. Marco wouldn't want you to blame yourself" you managed to compose yourself rather quickly, getting breathing and thinking under control
"I promised his mom I would keep him safe, it should have been me. I should've been with him to protect him but I wasn't and now....how am I supposed to tell her he's...." Armin felt hurt seeing you so hurt. She didn't deserve this, Marco didn't deserve it, and you especially didn't deserve it. He was pulled out of his thoughts when you started to speak
"It doesn't make sense Armin, he didn't have his gear on, they wouldn't have taken it yet it was too soon, this wasn't an accident," you explained standing up with some help from Armin.
"You think someone purposely.."
"I don't know Armin but I'm going to find out," you said coldly turning and walking away
.
.
.
"Sasha shut up, you going to get us caught" I scolded the girl
"Y/N shut up and let me concentrate" Sasha shot back as they snuck through the doors of the mess hall.
"Marco come on!" Sasha yelled at the boy who quickly went inside"Are you sure we'll be fine?" he said worried about getting caught
"You didn't have to come, Marco," I said, rummaging through the bin of food. Suddenly they heard a banging sound coming from one of the closets. All three teens looked at each other making a silent agreement. Slowly walking toward the closet Marco reached for the door and quickly pulled it open. Inside the closet was Christa and Ymir huddled together. They all let out a relieved sigh
"Thank goodness it's just you guys," Christa said, pulling them into a light hug.
"We thought you were Sadies or something," Ymir said, closing the closet door and wrapping her arm around Christa's shoulders.
"So why are you two up this late?" Sasha asked looking through a bin"Probably the same reason your up" Ymir replied with a slightly annoyed tone
"Damn did we interrupt your date or something," I said, going to help Sasha find something good to eat. Meanwhile, Marco stood there kinda awkwardly.
"Maybe you did Y/LN" Ymir shot back while Christa blushed a bright red.We found some decent snacks and ate and chatted
"Well I'm heading out," I said, getting up from where I sat, leaned up against Marco. A chorus of "good night" and "see you later" was what I heard as I shut the door I decided to take a walk before heading to bed. It had to be at least 2 in the morning meaning we had to be up in 5 hours. The moon was big and bright. Very beautiful, I started walking over a small hill and was soon met with 4 familiar faces. Eren, Reiner, Armin, and Bertholdt.
"Well if it isn't my favorite bitches" I said to purposely piss Reiner off. I have nothing against him and he has nothing against me, I hope, but it's sorta a game we play. We like to mess around with each other a lot. He like an older brother
"Real mature Y/N," Reiner said rolling his eyes
"Christa is in the mess hall with some other people, they're all having a little late-night get together," I said kicking some rocks
"Well it was nice talking to you Y/N, let's go, Bert," Reiner said grabbing his taller friend and running off to probably "talk" to Christa which means flirt while Ymir silently tries to murder him. I looked back at the other two boys
"And then there were 2, so what were you all doing in the forest so late at night," I asked with a sly smirk
"Gross Y/N, don't think as that" Eren exclaimed scrunching his face up in disgust
"ME? I didn't even say anything, I guess I can only talk to Armin. He's the only one who will understand" I say dramatically before grabbing Armin's hand and pulling him away
"Let's go, Armin, we can associate with dirty-minded scoundrels," I say listening to Eren yell about how he's not dirty-minded, eventually saying he's going to join the others in the mess hall.
"Oh sorry," I said looking down to see mine and Armin's hand still laced together, I started to remove my hand but he held it tighter
"I like it," he said, his face a bright red. I felt my face heat up and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips
"Yeah I like it too," I said looking at our hands and then looking at Armin to see him looking back at me
"Y/N!!" a voice yelled making us pull our hands apart and look for the source of the noise. It was Sasha
"Let's go, I'm tired," she said, dragging her feet as she got closer. She was probably one of the most dramatic people I have met but that is what I liked most about her.
"Ok im coming," I told her, annoyed she ruined the moment
"I'll see you later, yeah?" I asked looking at Armin for a final time
"Yeah" he answered before I turned and started walking with Sasha, meeting up with Ymir and Christa as we got closer to the bunks"
So you and Y/N?" 
.
.
.
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kiseiakhun · 4 years
Note
What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤
RUBS HANDS TOGETHER
Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.
(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)
And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.
Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!
To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.
(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)
Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”
And Donna’s just like, yup.
And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.
Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?
Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.
And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.
(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)
(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)
Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?
(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)
... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.
...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.
But also. Also... hot.
Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.
Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.
And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.
God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.
Where was I even going with this?
Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.
Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.
(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)
Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.
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purple-nana · 4 years
Text
Barriers
Part 9 - angst (maybe? oof)
1.5k words    ( Part of the Dorm of us Series)  
Warnings: Noneeeee
A/N: okie, first of all. IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING AN FREAKIN UPDATE. Cuz my pc is kinda busted rn so i hate it so much and i dont like using the mobile version to update :/. But anyways i'll try to updatee more often oncee my pc is back on track achu. Okie you may read now ehe, tysm for waiting! <3
You stared mindlessly at your plain, white and boring ceiling. The endless whoosing noises of the air conditioning continued to be the only source of sound as you lay in your bed.
Maybe, a screw went off in your head that staring into thin air now intrigues you so much.
Well, who wouldn't though? With all the events that happened this month, you were sure that anyone would also lose their mind when they finally get to rest.
It was still hard to believe for you. A month has already passed since—you and Jaemin became a thing.
You smiled to yourself. Jaemin was a really great boyfriend even if—you don't what a great boyfriend is really like since, you've never had one.
But nonetheless you still think that Jaemin is a great one—or so you thought.
The first day was rather interesting if you were being honest. The both of you agreed to meet up at an 'fancy' restaurant.
However, when the both of you were actually there—Jaemin didn't know what to do as well as you who was also completely clueless.
Ditching the fancy restaurant plan, the two of you end up in the park—again. It was nice though, you get to talk with him and play with him, overall it was a fun night.
That's when you thought that Jaemin indeed was a great guy and maybe choosing to be with him was the right choice.
But—things went downhill after that.
The next couple of dates were rushed and was unplanned. It happened almost everywhere. The park, the campus. Most times, it happened at Mcdonald's.
You would wait there for at least an hour before Jaemin arrives, the both of you will just catch up and talk but after that—Jaemin would immediately leave.
It was that time where things were crazy busy cause midterms were coming and your schedule and his were not-so alike to each other.
Due to that, you can't really complain. You expected him to give more time to you at the dorms since it was the only place that the two of you could hang out without interruptions.
But instead—he kept on locking himself inside of his room.
Haechan actually cleaned his room the first two weeks into the month so Jaemin got to move in to his room in a swift.
You don't want to overthink about it, but you can't help it.
But it was somehow—you were being treated differently.
If you were to compare yourself to his ex, which was Oh Miri. He used to be out frequently with the reason of he was going to see Miri.
You wanted to believe that it was because of the midterms that was causing you this overthinking but at the same time—it also makes sense.
There was this part of you that was screaming that this was wrong, and another is telling you that Jaemin was really at fault.
It's giving you a headache.
You just want to get over with this and talk to him, the more you kept your mouth shut, the more you get these thoughts.
You just—want it to stop.
A knock on the door caused you to stop floating in your thoughts. And speaking of the devil, there was Jaemin, peeking his head through the small gap of the door.
You raised your eyebrow at him giving him the look of 'what?'.
He completely understood and went inside of your room. You were confused as to why the heck was he dressed?
"Want to go out?" He asks, placing his palms in his pockets.
You furrowed your eyebrows, surprised that he wasn't 'busy' nor locking himself. "Aren't you busy?" You answered with a question.
He shrugs. "Nah, I have two hours, come on." He said pulling your arm as usual.
You panicked, would this guy really want to go out when he was fully dressed and you aren't? You were wearing a tank top and shorts for pete's sake.
You pulled you arm from him and he looked at you surprised. "You prick! You really want me to go out in this?" You widened your eyes at him, pointing at your clothing which was embarrassing.
He straightened his posture and looks at you from top to bottom, as if he was evaluating you.
"It looks fine to me." He says in confusion.
You face-palmed yourself. Was this guy really dumb or what. Whatever it is you aren't going out in this state.
"Uh-uh, I ain't going out like this," You pushed him out of the room, "now sir please kindly leave the room, I need to change." You sarcastically said in a sing-song voice.
"I could just stay there you know." Jaemin smirks at you, raising his eyebrows in an up and down motion.
You glared at him.
"Okay okay! But make it quick!"
"Whatever!" You slammed the door in his face, quickly making your way to your closet.
Exactly as what you thought, everything still hasn't changed except for the fact that you two are together now.
You pulled out an t-shirt in frustration. Leaning against the closet you thought of ways to tell Jaemin.
Cause you weren't staying silent anymore, you were done.
This overthinking has to end.
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"What do you mean?" Jaemin asks you, his eyebrows shot towards the ceiling.
You can't believe him.
"What do you mean you don't know Jaemin? Are you that oblivious to not see how frustrated am I?," you rage at him, jaws clenching, " Or or—you're pretending to not know anything?" You can't help but raise your voice at him.
Not caring about the people who had their eyes on the both of you.
Jaemin slightly bows his head as a way to apologize to the other customers who were also inside the establishment, hoping that they would start to mind their own business before he talks to you.
He looks at you in frustration, he was clearly holding himself from erupting like an volcano. It wouldn't be good if he as well would throw his anger.
"Y/n look, we can talk about this just please—" he looks around the people close to your table, "not here."
You massaged your temples, calming yourself cause you might not be able to the next time around.
You sighed. "I'm so fed up with this Jaemin. I don't want to think about it this way hence the reason why I stayed silent but—I can't take it anymore." You respond to him.
Jaemin remained silent, as if he was asking you the other for more details.
"I-i just don't know what to do about this anymore, I know you're busy and all that but at least—at least make time for me, please make me feel that i'm now your girlfriend Jaemin." You closed as you feel tears form around them.
Jaemin's face softened, he was guilty that he didn't know you were feeling this way. "Y-yn...you are my girlfriend." He mumbles.
"Well yeah?" You raised your eyebrow at him, "I don't feel like it. I still feel like im the y/n who was your bestfriend, not y/n as your girlfriend." You confessed to him.
He was shock at the very least. Jaemin was completely clueless, he might've gotten himself a bit too engrossed with the fact that the exams were coming and—set aside your relationship.
"Y/n I swear, that's not what it is—"
"But it is Jaemin," you cut him off, "I want to be treated as your girlfriend. I want to go to amazing dates, be gifted with flowers you know?"
"I-i thought you didn't like those?" Jaemin questions.
Must be because you were uncomfortable during that first date. But you doesn't mean that you didn't like it!
"I do Jaemin! I just to experience that I'm now your girlfriend, because from the looks and feels of it—it isn't." you repeat.
The both of you stayed silent for a while, not having any more to say.
You decided, it must be good for the both of you to breath out some air before talking about this once again.
You stood up, ready to leave that damned Mcdonald's when Jaemin grabbed your wrist.
"Where are you going?"
You showed him the time. "2 hours is up, you're busy right?" You grinned sarcastically at him, your smile immediately fading as you packed your things.
Jaemin was flustered, he didn't know what else to say but he was sure that the both of you need to talk this out.
"We need to talk about this Y/n." His grip on your wrist, insisting that you should stay.
You pulled your wrist from him, grabbing your purse.
"We'll talk when you finally realize that I'm now your girlfriend, not your best friend who you can treat like shit." You remarked, immediately leaving the place with fast steps.
Leaving Jaemin dumbfounded in his seat.
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jennbabeyy · 5 years
Text
Good Enough.
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Request:  Hey! I love your work! I was wondering if you could do a fluffy Coco Cruz imagine? Where the reader is a bit bigger than the average girl and feeling insecure about it? If not, I totally understand! Thank you love!
A/n: Sorry, it took so long but I hope you like it. Thank you for requesting! 💞
“Can you believe he’s actually with her?” 
“I heard he’s only with her because of a bet.”
“There’s no way he actually has sex with her.” 
The murmurs of gossip were around you everywhere you went. It was the price you paid for living in a small town, where everyone knew each other. Especially when you were dating one of the members of the notorious Mayans. Your relationship with him was never a secret and he was never one to hide it. But it was like the second everyone knew who Coco was seeing, everything you do or wear was the topic. Especially the women. 
Today’s topic happened to be how you looked. Your entire body was nitpicked the second you enter the clubhouse. That place was packed with women that were at least half your size, and their presence never really bothered you until now. You had decided to drop off Coco’s lunch and was immediately met with angry glares.  
You try to not let the words affect you as much as they truly did. You were never a size 2 and as you grew you grew to love your curves. Or at least appreciate what you had. Coco never failed to make sure to appreciate you every chance he got. 
But now standing in front of the mirror in only your underwear. You thought of the words that were constantly on your mind since you left the Mayan’s clubhouse. Your eyes scanned your body and everywhere you looked, you saw imperfections. It made you doubt every single bit of confidence you had. Pinching your skin in between your two fingers suddenly made your soul hurt just by looking at it.
The stretch marks on your hips stood out the most and you ran your fingers over them. Your hips had grown during your high school years and you spent those years hiding your body under the baggiest clothes you had in your closet. Those stretch marks were forever imprinted there and sometimes it hurts to look at them. Today it happened to be a little extra pain. 
Your thighs, your belly, the cellulite under your butt. It was all too much and your vision became blurry as you continue to pick at yourself. Were you always this big? Did you eat too many pieces of pizza during your girl’s night with Letty? 
The tears slipped down your face and you reached up to brush them away when someone else beat you to it. 
You were too into your thoughts and had not realized Coco was home.
“What’s wrong baby?” His voice instantly warmed your entire body, his presence alone was calming. The heat of his body made you want to run into his embrace and never look back.
You could feel your face flush because you were completely vulnerable in front of him and Coco could see every little detail of your body. A confused look appeared on his face when he saw that you tried to cover your body, shielding yourself from his eyes. 
In the most gentle tone ever Coco spoke, “Why would you try and hide yourself from me, beautiful?”
His brown eyes searched your face, and your heart swelled at the way he cradled your face as if you were the most fragile thing in the world. 
You loved that about him. With everybody else he was this scary guy but when it was just the two of you he was the sweetest guy you have ever met. No one knew that side of him, you were the only one that had the chance. 
At the thought of that, your eyes became glossy with tears. You didn’t deserve him like that. He was better off when someone skinnier and prettier. Someone who can fit into the average size of jeans. Someone who wasn’t you. 
You stood in your thoughts as Coco wrapped your silk rope around your body, pulling you closer when you were all covered up.
“Y/n, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” Coco voice brought you out of your negative thoughts. 
The knot in your throat aches when you swallowed, trying to form sentences. 
“I’m not good enough for you Johnny. Don’t you see it.” 
His eyebrows furrowed at your words. It pained you to see how much it affected him. 
Sitting you down on the bed, you watched as he kneeled down in front of you. His hand reaching out to cradled your face once again. The small sigh subconsciously came out of your mouth the second you felt his rough hand on your cheek. It was comforting. 
Your eyes met his and you almost gasped at the sight of his cold hard glare. You never really got the chance to see him in that light, and it you had to admit it was a scary sight.
“Who said that shit, baby tell me right now.”
Shaking your head at him, your eyes fill with tears, “It doesn’t matter who said it Johnny, it’s the truth. Everywhere I go, I hear the whispers, the rumors, the snide comments about my diet. Or about how lucky I am that you even look in my direction”
By the time you finished you were ugly crying, big fat tears rolled down your face and you couldn’t stop it. It was like you finally opened up a bottle inside of you and you couldn’t stop it from flowing out. 
You were defeated, you had let those skinny bitches win. 
Everything was silent in the room and the only thing you could focus on was the way Coco’s thumb caressed your leg. It was calming and you kept your eyes on his hand, remembering the way his rough skin felt on your smooth legs. 
Your trance was broken by an angry Coco staring back at you, “I’ll fucking kill them, I swear Y/n say the words and I’ll fucking do it.”
Your tears long forgotten, you blink at the sight in front of you, “What?”
“Those fucking putas, I know it was them. All they good at is starting shit. I’ll fucking put a bullet straight through their heads.”
You sniffle, the urge to cry again becomes unbearable at this point. His hand raises to brush the tears away and pulled against his chest. He cradles your head with his hand, as he gently presses kisses to the side of your head. The both of you stayed there for a moment, enjoying the way you felt protected in his arms.
Pulling away slightly from him, you met his eyes, “You can’t just go and try to kill people that made me cry Johnny, that’s murder.” 
Coco chuckles, “I’d do it though, for you I’ll murder any motherfucker who makes you feel less worthy. Because you are, you are worthy baby. Every single piece of you.” 
The way the words spill out of his mouth made you shiver. He was so sincere with every word. His stare made you feel like a mess again, and you were sure the water works were on their way back.
“Y/n I love you.”
Coco place his forehead against yours, his large hand cupping your cheeks. His thumb rubbing across your cheekbone and you close your eyes at the sensation. 
“You are the most beautiful thing in this world to me. And I’m sorry that I haven’t done my best to convince you but god damn Y/n please stop thinking you’re not good enough for me. Or for anyone.” 
You open your eyes, a small gasp leaves your lips as you stare right back at Coco’s watery eyes. Your heart ached at the sight in front of you, it was a rare sight. Coco never showed his emotional side but he did for you. And that alone meant the world.
“I love you, I love the way you accept me for me and accept my mistakes. The way you accept Letty as your own. And she loves you. You wanna know why? Because you’re you. You’re a real woman, a strong one. That’s the type of woman I want my daughter to look up too.”
Coco nudged his nose against yours, breathing in your smell. It was comforting and you let out a teary laugh. Every little insecurity making its way out and replacing it was a warm loving feeling. 
“You gotta love yourself baby. Because god knows I do, all your curves and your edges.”
A loud laugh escaped your mouth as Coco wiggled his eyebrows looking down in between the both of you. You were going to alright, there were going to be hard days but with Coco by your side, you were going to get through them. 
Together.
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jcforsapphics · 4 years
Text
Fake our way to love- chapter 2
Important: they're all 16 here, and everything that happened in the show is canon expect it happened when they were 15 and Buffy and Marty never talked after Andi's party. (Right now it's a few weeks after season 2 episode 5)
"So, what exactly are we going to do?" Buffy asked TJ the next day when they sat on a bench outside the cafeteria
"Well... We're going to pretend we're dating." TJ replied matter of factly
Buffy rolled her eyes "yeah, no shit, dumbass. I meant, how are we going to convince people we're dating?"
"Oh." TJ blinked "well, I already started convincing people yesterday. I told Jason I think you're hot and that I think you're into me too, and he said he'll tell the other teammates so they won't ask you out. So that means the entire basketball team knows, and Ralph dating Tiffany, which means he'll tell her soon- if he haven't already- and she'll tell her friends and bam! The entire school knows."
Tiffany Stein was one of those popular girls who gossip about literally everything possible.
There's a new couple? She's the first one to know. A couple that just broke up? She witnessed the break up. One of the students is secretly gay? The moment he's out, he's out to the entire school thanks to her. Including teachers.
The teachers at Grant high will deny it, but they listen to every gossip coming out of Tiffany's mouth. Some of the gossip, was even about them.
And the gossip was always true. It wasn't just false rumours. Tiffany had eyes and ears everywhere. She had so many sources, no one knew who they even were.
But the moment one of her sources found out something they were hundred percent sure was true, they immediately told Tiffany who told the entire school.
And what her sources didn't found out for her- she witnessed herself.
And Ralph always told Tiffany everything he knew. So it was safe to say everyone in the school will know soon.
Buffy nodded, like she agreed it was a smart thing to do.
"Ok, that's good. So we're good with the school knowing. So the big problem right now is to get my friends to believe we're dating. It might be kinda hard, since they know I hate you- no offense."
"None taken."
"So convincing them will be pretty hard. Any suggestions?"
"Umm..." TJ mind was blank "I guess I didn't think this through."
Buffy looked annoyed "you're kidding, right?"
"I didn't think you'll say yes!" TJ defended himself and then hesitantly added "why did you?"
Buffy looked around to check no one was listening (listening will be pretty hard, considering they were the only people there) and then leaned closer. "You promise you won't tell?"
TJ nodded. He was definitely curious now. "Yeah, totally."
Buffy sighed.
"Ok, so not that long ago, a good friend of mine came out to me. I won't tell you his name since I'm the only person he came out to and he only figured it out very recently- but I promised myself that if I can help someone who's confused and or insecure about their sexuality, then I'll help them. And the first person who needed something sexuality related- turned out to be you! So yeah, I felt obligated to help you."
TJ nodded. That made sense. TJ noted to himself to thank the person who came out to Buffy if he'll ever find out who he is.
Before he could help himself, the next words came out of his mouth:
"Maybe you should set me up with that guy."
He immediately blushed after saying that.
Buffy snorted "it'll kinda ruin the whole 'stay in the closet' thing, don't you think?"
TJ laughed nervously "uh, yeah, I guess you're right. So how are we going to convince your friends?" He changed the subject quickly
Buffy rolled her eyes "nice way to change the subject." He blushed. "It's going to be hard to convince both of them, but Cyrus will be easier to convince. He has this weird belief that people can change and, you know, become a better people. It's stupid, but if I'll tell him I finally listened to all this crap he says about 'people can change' and all that shit, and decided to give you a chance and then fell in love with you or whatever, he'll probably buy it."
TJ nodded. He decided not to mention the fact that Cyrus sounded like a really nice person- and really cute, too.
"But I tell them everything. How come I suddenly have a boyfriend that the last time they heard about him, I completely hated him? Again- no offense." Buffy added
"Again- none taken. How well do they really know you?" TJ asked
"They know my entire schedule. Like, when I have to go to the dentist and stuff." Buffy explained
TJ blinked. "Your friends knows when you're going to the dentist?"
Buffy sighed. "We're really close."
"Yeah, I'm starting to get that." TJ nodded slowly "ok. I have an idea. What if you'll tell them that because you told them all those bad stuff about me you knew they probably won't approve of me and you really liked me and wanted to see where exactly we stand with our relationship before they start with the whole 'he's not good enough for you' speech."
Buffy blinked. "That is... An actual good idea. How the hell did you came up with it?"
TJ shrugged. Buffy shooked her head.
"Doesn't matter. How did we start talking?"
"Ummm..." TJ tapped his fingers against the table
"I got it!" Buffy called after a few seconds "you came to apologize to me a few weeks ago. Because of Cyrus and his constant talking about forgiving people, I decided to forgive you. We been talking ever since, and then yesterday you asked me out, and I said yes!"
TJ nodded. "Yes! That's good, that's good... We might actually be able to pull this off!"
Buffy shooked her head. "Not might, Kippen, definitely. I'm only playing for win. When I'm in on something, I'm in all the way."
TJ couldn't help but smile at Buffy's confident and adore it.
"Ok. Definitely going to pull this off. Definitely." TJ said as he extended his hand for Buffy to shook it. She did.
"That's not the beginning of some awesome friendship, Kippen." She warned
"I'm well aware of that." He nodded
It was the beginning of hopefully successful fake relationship.
@abg-blah @extrairwin @luzawithoutu @buffysoftie @tyrusxxmacedamia @tyrusstan06 @purplefacey @ravencremisi @tjkxppen @tyrusxmuffins @hellolancemcclain @tyrus-is-godtier @northerndownpacito @slugpostage @unrequitedambi @randomsmilingpotatoes @thefaeriemagic3 @imhereforthetryus @losrgeekwhatevr @vi-the-best-you-can @avothoto (and @the-legendary-uwu because it's your birthday <3 )
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spadesinglasses · 4 years
Text
Love Victor (series)
oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.
Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.
Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.
lol wrong title earlier X_X
Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.
Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.
EPISODE 2
it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.
The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut. 
And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.
I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.
It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.
Also i can see why people say  that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.
Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X
End
Episode 3
Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.
Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.
anywho reaction time!
Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind.  BUT hey he might be Bi people! 
I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.
Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show 
Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.
Back to reaction,
Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend. 
The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous. 
Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.
Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott
I really hate this idea now.
The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.
Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?
Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay. 
Im theorizing now X_X
Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?
Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?
He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt
lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X
End
Episode 4
Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.
End
Episode 5
This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.
I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD
End
Episode 6
This episode is a mess and I hate it.
We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into. 
AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.
Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.
And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.
Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.
Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!
I think.
End
Episode 7
UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.
Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.
Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.
Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,
FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?
Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.
I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.
Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.
The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.
The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST?  BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?
Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.
And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender. 
AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED
FUCKIN VICTOR
Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.
I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.
These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?
Im tired.
But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.
okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.
See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.
BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.
bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?
REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?
Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?
Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair  is not on me.
Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.
BUT  fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.
Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.
END
Episode 8
Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.
AWW BRAM IS CUTE
Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.
Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.
If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.
Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.
Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy? 
You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!
Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD
hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.
“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist! 
Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.
END
Episode 9
Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.
Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is,  communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?
Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.
Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.
Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.
Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.
In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.
Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at  time but we don’t talk about that here)
The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?
OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.
Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing  BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.
hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.
END
Episode 10
OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO
OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO
AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO
PILAR STOOOOP
NOO NOT PUBLICLY
OMFG
 I CANNOT.
Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X
THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.
YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.
Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.
Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.
FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.
....
wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.
ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.
Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.
The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc.  I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.
The End
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raccoon-wizard · 5 years
Text
Proud & Safe
Whoever you are and whoever you love, know that you deserve happiness and safety and love much like the other person does. Love and peace to all human beings <3
Prompt: imagine Loki feeling female one day and shape shifting accordingly. Someone makes a mention of how you, his girlfriend, would react to her "current state", eventually leading her to feel a little insecure about whether or not you'll accept this side of her.
From @imagine-loki :)
DISCLAIMER: I am not genderfluid myself, so it is possible that my depiction is not entirely correct. If you happen to see some inaccuracies, please let me know and I shall correct them.
Characters: Loki, the Avengers, you
Type: Fluff
Warnings: Language and sexual implications.
Notes: I am well aware that Pride Month is almost over, but ours isn’t until August, which I have no idea why. Anyway. Whoever you are and whoever you love, know that you deserve happiness and safety and love much like the other person does. Love and peace to all human beings <3
When Loki woke up that morning, he wasn’t feeling… well, he. That day, Loki’s mind saw the world as a woman. Making sure to make the body’s appearance match the mindset, she shapeshifted accordingly. Looking at her entire figure in the mirror, she realised she didn’t own any women’s clothes, and the men’s ones just didn’t fit her. She rummaged through her closet and found a dress that Y/N must have left behind. She sighed and put it on, noticing that it actually fit her quite well, though it was a little shorter than it was probably meant to be. Smiling to herself, she left the bedroom and headed to the kitchen to make herself her everyday cup of tea.
As she was stirring sugar into her beverage, she heard footsteps near her.
“Damn, did Steve finally get laid?” Tony’s voice asked her. She turned around rapidly, murdering him with her glare. “Holy shit!” he gasped. “Reindeer Games?”
“Good morning to you too, Anthony,” she greeted him, folding her arms on her chest. “You were saying?”
“I… I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “What’s… why are you…”
“I’m a woman today,” she shrugged.
“Oh… okay,” he mumbled and began preparing his own breakfast in silence. “Does Y/N know?” he wondered after a few minutes.
“I haven’t seen her yet,” she explained.
“You sure she won’t freak out?” he raised his eyebrows. “I mean, you haven’t been together that long, but… you know, this is a kind of thing that be… problematic.”
“Is it?” she stopped dead in her tracks. She didn’t even consider that. Among gods, her condition was rare, yes, but accepted as a pretty normal thing. After all, they were ancient magical beings. It never came to her mind that humans could be less accepting.
“Yeah, I mean…” Tony sighed. “It depends on the person really, but there’s many people who struggle because of this kind of thing. Ever heard of the Pride?”
Tony spent the morning explaining human’s relationship with gender and orientation. He showed her many clips of these Pride Parades, which seemed to be celebrating the rarities such as herself. But he also showed her what people did when they disagreed. When they saw differently gendered people as monsters, nature’s flaws, freaks. She nearly broke into tears when she read what some people were capable of. It made her wonder whether Y/N would be understanding enough, the fear eating her alive.
As if on cue, a group walked into the kitchen, consisting of her brother, Captain Rogers, James Barnes, Samuel Wilson, and Y/N. They all went for a run each morning, insisting that a group jog was much more fun than a solo one.
“Good morning, sister!” Thor greeted her before she could do anything. Hide under the table perhaps. The rest of the group froze, Y/N included. She stared at her, her mouth hanging open slightly, the shock in her eyes slowly changing into pure anger. Loki’s throat tightened and she turned away, staring into her cup.
“Why the fork does my dress look so much better on you than it ever has on me?” she asked.
She turned back, tears in her eyes, confused. “What?”
“You look absolutely amazing!” she exclaimed. “That’s my favourite dress, I thought no one could ever wear it better! Rude!”
“Maybe ‘cause his… her legs are kinda longer,” Sam suggested.
“Hey!” Y/N’s head whipped around. “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about, asshole.”
Y/N’s words made Loki’s heart flutter and a smile creep up her face. She watched as Sam tried to defend himself, rambling hopelessly. She caught Y/N’s eye and smiled even wider. Y/N dismissed Sam and walked over to her, grinning.
“So, girlfriend,” Y/N whispered softly. “Were you ever going to tell me about this, or was I supposed to find out like this?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that you Midgardians don’t… that it’s not considered normal here,” Loki tried to explain herself. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“Offend me?” Y/N frowned. “Why should it offend me?”
“I… Stark showed me some… videos of what people sometimes think about… people like me,” she stuttered. “And what they do.”
“Babe,” Y/N sighed and gently cupped Loki’s cheeks. “Yeah, there are people like that. And they suck. But me and the rest of this team, we would never, never, hurt you, do you hear me?” she asked gently, putting a strand of hair behind Loki’s ear. “Not in a million years. You’re safe with us. With me.”
A tear slipped down Loki’s cheek as she blinked. “And it wouldn’t… change what we are?”
“Of course not, darling,” Y/N smiled. “You think I was with you this whole time just for that dick?”
Loki chuckled, blush coming up her cheeks.
“That would be pretty shallow of me, wouldn’t it?” she continued. “I mean, it was a pretty impressive bonus, but…” Loki laughed out loud this time, the rest of the tears falling down. “You know, it wasn’t the point.”
There was now a genuine smile on Loki’s lips.
“That’s much better, isn’t it?” Y/N asked, leaning in to kiss her tenderly, noting how much softer her lips felt now.
The rest of the people were still in the kitchen as well, politely trying to ignore them, but failing for the most part. When the couple noticed their barely masked side glances, Y/N smirked.
“Darling, how about we get out of here and go shopping?” she suggested. “As much as I adore that dress on you, you need your own clothes.”
“That sounds like fun,” Loki nodded. Y/N grinned widely and grabbing Loki’s hand, they ran out of the kitchen towards Y/N’s room. “I need to take a shower first, I stink,” she explained and disappeared into the bathroom. Loki sat on Y/N’s bed and waited, listening to the sound of her singing from the shower and smiling. A massive weight was lifted off of her chest, her heart swelling with relief and happiness.
She looked around the room - she knew it well, she had spent many nights there before, just as many as Y/N had spent in her room, but through woman’s eyes, she saw it differently. She noticed a little desk with a big mirror and make up sprawled all over it.
“Y/N?” she called.
“Yes, babe?” Y/N responded after turning the water off.
“Would you mind if I borrowed your make up?” she asked shyly.
“No, not at all, help yourself,” Y/N said. “I’ll be out in a moment, I just need to dry my hair.”
“Thank you,” Loki smiled to herself and sat down in front of the mirror.
She soon found out that it was much more complicated than she had anticipated. Mascara seemed to want to go everywhere but her eyelashes, the colours didn’t suit her and she nearly stabbed her eye out with eyeliner. And not to mention the disaster that the lipstick caused.
“You’re hopeless, aren’t you?” she heard Y/N’s voice from behind her. Their eyes met in the mirror and she could see how hard she was trying to fight back a smirk.
“I… I’ve never tried using these before, I just thought I’d wing it,” she explained, looking down at her hands with smears of different colours.
“Would be much simpler if it were like that, wouldn’t it,” Y/N chuckled and pulled a chair next to her. “Here, let me,” she mumbled, grabbing a bottle of make up remover and a few cotton balls. She gently rubbed Loki’s failed attempt away before starting over.
“You’re a lot paler than me, that’s why the colours don’t quite fit,” she explained. “It’s not like you really need make up when your skin is that flawless anyway. We can get you your own if you’d like though.”
Loki didn’t say a word, worried that if she moved even in the slightest, she would ruin Y/N’s work. She felt her fingers grazing her skin and different brushes move around and enjoyed the sensations.
“Ta-da!” Y/N grinned. “What do you think?”
Loki opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. It was definitely better than what she had attempted first - the mascara was where it belonged, the eyeliner was perfectly straight and the lipstick that Y/N had chosen fit her much better.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I… I feel beautiful now.”
“You shouldn’t need make up for that, babe, you are gorgeous,” Y/N smiled, lightly pecking her lips, careful not to smear the lipstick. “Like seriously. You’re just… wow. That’s perfection right there.”
“Do you really think so?” Loki wondered.
“Of course, hot stuff,” she insisted. “You have everything a girl could want regarding looks. I’m not sure if I want to bang you or be you.”
Loki blushed for the second time that day. “Sh-shall we go then?” she stuttered.
“Sure,” Y/N nodded.
They went to the mall together, spending the entire day just wandering around, trying on clothes that they deemed nice. Y/N was swooning over Loki the whole time, which made her feel a lot better about the whole situation. The adoration in her eyes was something she was not used to.
They even went to a lingerie store, a place that she had never thought she would visit. They both got a few things for themselves, helping the other one pick the best looking ones.
"By the way," Y/N said from the changing room. "Do you prefer a different name in this form or is calling you Loki still fine?"
"No, Loki is fine," she replied while checking herself in the mirror.
"Great," Y/N grinned. "Didn't wanna be saying a wrong name tonight."
"Heaven's sake, Y/N," Loki rolled her eyes, but there was a playful smile on her lips.
"Oh, that sounds lovely," Y/N continued flirtatiously. "Remember that for me please. I want to put these pretty little things to use as soon as possible if that's okay with you."
"Absolutely, darling," Loki chuckled.
And truthfully, that night, Loki's name echoed from her bedroom walls, along with whispered profanities and Heaven's sake, Y/N.
A few months later, Loki, this time in his male form, took Y/N for a walk around the city. After all, it was a beautiful  day; the sun was shining and there were only a few fluffy white clouds on the gorgeous blue sky. But it confused her significantly, seeing that he hated going out and he didn't really know the city. But whenever she tried to ask about it, he shushed her, smirking mischievously, which only made her curiosity rise.
"Come on, do you really think I'm buying the just a walk bullshit?" she tried again. "I'm not dumb. I mean, I am incredibly dumb, but not like this. What's going on, babe?"
"Well, we're almost there now, so I might as well tell you," he sighed in defeat.
"Almost where?" she frowned.
"Do you remember how Stark showed me what people did to people like me?" he asked.
"Of course I do," she nodded. "Oh! We're going to burn some asshole's house down, aren't we?"
"No, darling, although I would love to do that," he grinned. "No. But I decided that it's absolutely unacceptable. So I decided to help."
"How?" she wondered.
"With Stark's help, I bought a house," he began explaining. "And I turned it into a secret hideaway for those who find themselves in danger because of who they are and who they love. And no asshole can ever find it."
"So… how do the ones in need find it if it's so secret?" she questioned.
"Brilliant question, love," he smiled. "It is protected by magic. Only those who need it can find it. When they get, for example, kicked out of their home because of their identity, they will be drawn to the house without even realising. They will just sort of… wander in. And they will be safe until they are ready to leave. Or they don't have to. They can stay forever."
"But… there's so many queer people who need help, can they fit?"
"That's another great trick," he told her. "Strange helped me with that one. It is always big enough on the inside, no matter how small the outside might seem."
"You built a forkin' TARDIS and you didn't tell me?!" she gasped. "Okay. So it's big enough. But what if there's a gay kid in, like, Nevada? Can they get in too?"
"Absolutely," Loki nodded. "It actually transcends this reality in a way. The entrances are all over this world. I modelled it after Yggdrasil."
"Oh my God," she choked out. "You… you just singlehandedly saved the world."
"I wouldn't exactly use that phrase-"
"No, you did!" she insisted, throwing herself at him and squeezing him in a hug. "You took one of the biggest struggles of modern humanity and solved it just like that. You're the best person to ever walk the Earth and you're not even from the Earth."
"You haven't even seen the house yet, love," he laughed, kissing the top of her head. "Come on, we're almost there."
He led her through the suburbs of New York, full of rich people's homes. At the end of one street, she spotted a building that wouldn't be much different from the rest, save it for the gigantic rainbow flag hanging from the balcony.
"Are you sure The Straights will completely miss this place?" she asked. "This is pretty obvious to me."
"Don't worry, only those who are meant to see it will," he explained. "Every possible threat has been accounted for. This is the safest place on Earth."
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Note
Thank you so much for your comments, esp about the casual racism and homophobia. Im a WOC and closeted. I doubt it’ll ever be safe enough for me to come out. The suggestion of unhappy endings for all of the closeted characters, the shaming... i dunno. Life’s hard enough already. It sucks to see the lack of empathy everywhere.
You’re welcome, receiving messages like this makes me feel like my little salt corner is doing some good. Sending hugs your way, friend. 
This comic does have a very troubling message that the only way to be both Gay and Happy is to be out.... and that being closeted is somehow shameful and always miserable. Which is harmful in so many ways. 
Yes, Bitty was absolutely miserable in Georgia, but I would argue that it wasn’t because he was closeted. Canonically, he was bullied because everyone he went to school with thought he was gay. They happened to be correct. 
Bitty wasn’t miserable because no one knew he was gay.
Bitty was miserable because everyone knew he was gay, even though he hadn’t actually said, “I’m gay”, and treated him like shit because he was gay.
Bitty’s gayness was quite possibly the worst-kept secret in Madison, canonically speaking. Just because he quit figure skating and took up hockey (in a co-ed, no checking league) while still twirling through a kitchen and flicking his wrist and “oh lord”ing his way through pinterest, blasting Beyonce and “twerking like a Jamaican dance hall dancer” (an actual thing that Ngozi said) doesn’t mean that people for one second changed their minds in Madison and were all, “oh well, shit! I guess Richard’s boy is straight after all!”
Do I think Bitty thought he was closeted? Absolutely. That boy doesn’t know any other queer people. Of course he thought he was doing a good job keeping the secret. Bitty has no idea what it’s actually like to have to give 110% into pretending to be straight. To date a woman, to have sex with women, to do everything possible to “pass”. I genuinely believe that Bitty thought by not saying the words “I’m gay” out loud, he was completely closeted and absolutely no one knew. 
Which, tbh? Explains why he was so cavalier about his and Jack’s relationship. 
Constantly talking about going up to PVD on his twitter, filming videos from Jack’s apartment, hell- calling Jack his boyfriend and “sweetheart” in the Haus without checking to see who might be around to hear it? 
When Bitty and Jack told SMH they were together, that wasn’t just them annoucing they were dating. That was Jack coming out to the team. Something he hadn’t done even when they lived together. All that time, they were under the impression he was straight as an arrow. And every single one of them said they already knew.
Real talk? If that had been me? I would not have felt relief. That would have been the literal Nightmare Scenario. 
Jack spent his entire life deeply closeted (the kind of closeted I mentioned above, putting in every scrap of effort he could into hiding behind heteronormativity) and he finally decides to be vulnerable, to let people he trusts see the truth, and he finds out that they already know?  By being as cavalier as he was, Bitty outed Jack to half of SMH. (And of course, suffers no consequences for it, because Jack has no anxiety anymore, thanks to Bitty and his very holdable butt. Yeah, that ain’t how anxiety works, but ok. Whatever.)
This comic is really beginning to feel like the only queer people who are allowed to be shown as happy are Bitty and Jack. 
Not that we really have a lot of other options, since there aren’t that many other queer folks in this supposedly queer comic. 
Ollie & Wicks don’t count- Ngozi mentioned them sharing the attic one (1) time in an extra, it’s never been in-panel, and half the time she gets them confused anyway.
Shruti has mentioned a girlfriend one (1) time, and we’ve only seen her twice anyway. 
Whiskey did kiss another dude, but Whiskey is demonized because he draws boundaries with Bitty and insists that he be treated like an adult- and then when Bitty refuses, Whiskey has the maturity to remove himself from the situation. We also had Ngozi in the notes say that Whiskey still has a high school girlfriend, so we may still be heading for the uncomfortable and super damaging trope of “Bi Dude Cheats on Girlfriend With A Dude”, or “Gay Dude Cheats On Girlfriend With A Dude”... but Whiskey has never said his sexuality on-screen either.
Kent... of course we have Kent. Who is definitely some flavor of not-straight, but he hasn’t said his sexuality either. 
Neither has Jack. Apparently, in one of the streams somewhere, Ngozi said that Jack is bisexual? Now listen- I hardcore would love to hc Jack as bi. HOWEVER- not only has the word bisexual never been used by any character at all in OMGCP, Ngozi hasn’t said that Jack is bisexual anywhere except that one stream... not in a blog post, not in a tweet, nowhere. Meaning, only a select few of economically and gegraphically privileged fans who happened to be on the stream are aware of this word-of-god information. Not to mention, that in-comic, on-page, multiple people call Jack “gay”, and he doesn’t correct them. Not even in private. A reporter asks him how it feels to be the first out “gay” pro athlete (and Ngozi owes Glenn Burke and Billy Bean apologies for that, and so does Jack for not knowing his queer history), and Jack doesn’t correct him. Okay, maybe he doesn’t want to deal with the Bisexual Issue with the media, fair enough. That’s his business. The Samwell Swallow calls him “NHL’s historic Gay” (and they owe him an apology because Gay is not a fucking NOUN).... and even though he’s reading it in private, Jack doesn’t correct them either. 
It would have been so easy to have him look up at Bitty and say, “Jeez, people really are allergic to printing the word ‘bisexual’, aren’t they?” or “I know we decided that ‘gay’ was easier to handle with the media than ‘bisexual’, but this is still hard.” Something. Anything. It would have been so. fucking. easy. 
The fact is, we’re nearly finished this damn comic, that is supposedly a Shining Beacon of Queer Goodness..... and exactly one (1) character has actually identified a non-hetero sexuality on-screen. 
One. 
This comic has hardly any empathy for queer characters because there are hardly any queer characters to begin with.
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r3b3lgrrrrrrrl · 4 years
Text
A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 66)
"Freak Outs on a Sunday"
@creatureofthen1ght-v3
@lovemythsworld
@crystalbaby12
@southsidequeenie
✳NOTE✳ I changed the tone of the argument in Chapter 63 over the picture. It carries into this one.
✳ALSO✳ The end of this chapter is in the comments bc Tumblr is acting like an ASSHOLE.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
"Mooom-Mom!! You know where my board is!?" Luna shouts from her bedroom in Patti's home.
She's looking for her skateboard. She wants to take it on tour with her. Plus, Casie's shown a real interest and Luna wants to harbor it. She looks under her bed, in her closet, behind her door and in the spare room where a bunch of her shit is. She can't find it.
"What the fuuuuckk..." She says to herself, irritated.
Still looking, her mind is also spiraling out from the last few days.
"I can't find fucking ANYTHING.... UGH... My stuff is everrywhere.... I just want my stuff.... I can't fucking deal with this shit..... WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK!!" Luna starts to cry as she runs her hands through her hair in frustration.
She screams "MOM-MOOOOOOM!!!!!"
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In the kitchen with Patti, Casie and Joni, Colson hears Luna.
"Uhm, I think Luna's calling you, Pat." Colson says.
Patti looks up from the puzzle she's putting together with Casie amd her bestfriend. It's of one of Luna's favorite photographs by her grandfather. Patti having it custom made. Puzzles are a hobby she loves and shares with her granddaughter.
It's over 4K peices. Patti's been working on it for 6mnths. Luna helping along the way.
"Is she?" She asks before going back to the puzzle.
"This one's REALLY hard. There's no colors." Casie complains.
"Oh! That's the best part! You really to focus on finding the matching partners." Patti tells the little girl in a poetic way.
"MOM-MOOOOOOOM!!!!!"
Colson stands up immediately hearing Luna. Patti looks at Casie and Colson, waving off their concern.
"I've got her." She tells them as she stands up from the table.
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Luna's ripping through her closet again when Patti enters her bedroom.
"LUNA! What the hell are you doing!?" Patti asks, shutting the door.
As Luna comes out of her closet and Patti sees her face she softens.
"LunaBuug... What's going on, Honey?" She asks her granddaughter concerned.
Luna's shaking with tears streaming down her face. She running her hands through her hair again as she speaks frantically to her grandmother.
"My fucking stuff, Mom-mom. You know how I feel about my stuff. I can't find my fucking skateboard because my shit's everywhere. All through here. In the fucking shortage locker. At Ashley. Colson's. Shit, Mom-mom, I even have stuff in fucking CLEVELAND!"
Luna throws her hands up in frustration. Stopping and just looking at her grandmother. Tears still dropping. Patti takes her hand. Leading her to the bed, she sits down with her and sparks a joint. Smoking it with her granddaughter, Patti asks Luna What's Really Going On?
Luna sighs, taking the joint from her grandmom. Rubbing her forehead, she thinks of how to explain her current life as they pass the joint back and forth. Patti simply listening as the flood gates open.
"I just... I just feel like I'm really exposed and all over the place right now. Everything's changing so fast. I feel like everyone is up my ass. Radio stations are calling my phone for surprise interviews... I'm all over The fucking Internet because I'm in some weird song fight with a girl I don't even know.... The fucking Paps have been on me since I hit town..... And I don't need anyone looking at me.... And MY STUUUUUFFFFF. I can't find my stuff because I don't have a fucking home Mom-Mom." She's crying again.
Luna's curled up on the bed, head laid in Patti's lap. Patti strokes Luna's hair, she takes a moment before responding to her granddaughter.
"You always have a home here LunaBug." She begins to comfort her.
"I know Mom-Mom, but it's not the same. I think I'm gonna buy something in The City. I'm waiting to talk to Monica." Luna hits the joint again before passing it to her grandmom.
"Well, there you go. You're on the right track. You're like a bird Luna, you can go anywhere but you need a nest to fly back to.... But tell me about this, what did you say? Song fight? What is that?" She looks down at her granddaughter's face in her lap.
Luna sighs and rolls her eyes. She tries to explain how this one girl doesn't like her. That she's not sure if it's because Colson or herself at this point.
Letting her in on the sneak Breakfast Club interview. How Luna tried to play it cool even with the Instagram post and Snaps. But the song BeBe put out had finally been enough.
She tells her grandmother that she retaliated with her own song. Dropping it in a more public manner then ever before. Ripping open the tiny slit Bad Things and Nightmare had made into her private life.
Patti immediately wants to hear both songs. Luna plays them back to back. BeBe's first. Patti's shocked at the content..
"That poor, little girl. She comes off very desperate and jealous." Patti says, having the same sad reaction for Bleta as Luna did initially. "You're quite the bitch too there, Loons." She chuckles at her granddaughter's mean response to the girl. "That's a different sound for you. If you didn't tell me, I don't know if I would've known that was something of yours.
For some reason this irritates Luna.
"Really? See, fucking changes...." She says, shaking her head.
They burn through the joint. Sitting up, Luna sparks another one before she lays back on the bed. Patti lays on her side next to her. They continue to talk and get high together.
"Good or Bad changes?" She asks her.
"I don't know. Good and bad. Colson's good. Casie's good. But honestly, it's a little weird. I love her but you know kids freak me out. She's a whole, tiny person. Watching, wanting me to teach her stuff. It's pretty intimidating."
Luna looks over as her grandmother laughs at her. She passes her the joint before continuing.
"I like being on The West Coast and close to Ash... I just... I don't like to be looked at Mom-Mom, you know this. And I feel like a LOT of people are looking at me who don't need to know about the stuff I do. Like, they're everywhere. They caught me coming out of a bar and I didn't even know! What would I have done if they'd have been around the night I helped Marissa? I'd have been fucked."
Patti knows Luna's right. She tells her she doesn't know how to advise her, never having to deal with photographers in this despicable way in her day. IF you can even call them photographers. Turning to her, she asks her granddaughter bluntly if she's seeing her therapist.
"No." Luna says sheepishly.
"Why not?" Patti wants to know.
"Comes I'm not ho...."
"That's no excuse, Luna. You could be doing phone sessions."
"I never know where I'm gonna be at what time." Luna tries to protest.
"Not an excuse. You need to speak to Kylie. You're right, a lot of things have changed and they're going to keep changing. You need to get ahead of it. Fame is at your door, Luna. You're gonna need Kylie to help you navigate it. I want you start weekly phone sessions with her again. Carve out 45mins and take care of yourself. You know what happens when you don't." Patti tries to guide the young woman.
Luna sighs. She knows her grandmother's right. Rolling towards her, she hugs her mom-mom. She really doesn't feel any better though.
Hugging Luna back and looking over her shoulder, Patti spies the skateboard. It's leaning against the armoire, hidden by a tossed tapestry.
"Look." She says, pointing as Luna rolls over. "There it is. Sometimes we need to slow down and take a moment to find things. Isn't that how you met Colson? You took your time and found what was right for you, yeah? Patti says.
Rolling over, a weird relief washes over Luna when she sees her board. Patti's words sitting in her mind but with everything moving so fast all the time, she doesn't know how to slow anything down.
"It's just a lot Mom-Mom.... And I don't know how to stop it." Luna admits.
"I know, Kiddo." Patti strokes Luna hair again.
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Concerned about Luna. Colson tells Casie he'll be right back. She still trying to figure out the puzzle with Joni.
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Colson knocks on the door before he heads in.
"You okay?" He asks with a worried look on his face.
Patti and Luna are still laying across the bed together. Both of them sitting up, Patti pats Luna on the knee before kissing her forehead.
"I'm gonna give you guys a minute. I love you, Kiddo. Call Kylie." She says.
Patti pats Colson on the shoulder as she passes him before walking out of the room. She heads back to the kitchen with Casie and Joni. She's worried about Luna.
"Who's Kylie?" Colson asks sitting on the bed next to Luna.
"My therapist." She tells him in a monotone voice.
"So, everything's not okay?" He asks taking her hand.
"No. It's not. I know you feel some type of way about that picture with Tommy but I did too. For different reasons." She sighs, lacing her fingers inside Colson's.
Luna goes on to explain how she's worried about people digging too deep into her life. Especially with the Dark Web and ICE. She goes on to say that there's other things she still needs to take care of too that can't be exposed. Shaking her head No, she tells him she'll explain that another time when he asks what she's referring to. Luna then tells Colson she's thinking about buying another place in NY.
"Why?" He asks, immediately concerned for their relationship.
"Because I need a place for my stuff. It's everywhere." She answers.
"Put it at my place." Colson replies.
"I have stuff at you place, but I need the space. I have furniture and shit. I can't move another house into your house." She tells him.
"So, are you staying in NY then?" He asks confused with his eyebrows furrowed.
"What the fuck is happening... Is she breaking up with me???" Colson's heart pounds as his mind panics.
"No. We're just always in The City though... And it's my home. My grandma's here. My friends are here. It's like you having places in LA and Clevland. It'll be big enough for all of us to stay in. And Ash can even use it too." It makes perfect sense to Luna.
Understanding what Luna's saying now, Colson nods his head. Letting go of her hand to rub the small of her back, he apologizes for only being focused on the Tommy part and not the bigger picture. He tells that they'll figure out this Paparazzi thing together. He knows Luna doesn't like to be controlled and to her this is a form of control.
"It'll be okay." Colson tries to reassure.
Luna sighs looking at him. She's not so sure.
"Come on." He says, pulling her off the bed. "We're gonna be late for brunch."
------------------------------------------------
Everyone is standing outside waiting for a table for brunch at Santina. Colson, Slim and Rook are talking about the tour.
"I'm telling you, if we do it right, it'll be epic." Rook debates on the stage prop he has an idea for.
"How are we gonna move, Dawg?" Slim asks him.
Colson looks over to Slim. He doesn't think it's too bad of an idea. Before he can speak, Benny calls out Yo. Their table is ready.
They're loud at brunch. There's a lot of them. It's Luna and Colson with Casie, her grandmother and Joni. Ashley, Dom, Pete and Kate. Ashleigh, Slim, Rook, Benny and Baze.
They order mimosas with their food.
Laughing and talking about last night. They enjoy their food and company.
Ashleigh asks Casie how her sleep over was. Casie giggles with Patti and Joni as they talk about the dance party they had. How delicious their cookies were and the funny photos Patti had shown off of Luna as a kid.
"Loons?"
Luna turns at the sound of one of her many names. The sun's bright and she can't see who it is.
It's Jason and Olivia. They were just about to leave.
"HEY!!" She exclaims jumping up.
She hugs them both. Asking how they are and about Daisy. They catch her up lightly before she introduces them to the table. Colson standing up to shake Jason's hand.
"Nice to meet you, Man." Colson says.
"Likewise." Jason replies.
They pull over two chairs and sit down with them. Olivia congratulating Ashley and Luna on their perforce last night. They watch SNL every week religiously.
"You were funny as hell too!" Jason agrees complimenting Ashley.
She blushes while thanking them. Ashley's a huge fan of both of them.
Olivia and Jason stick around for the rest of brunch, catching up with Luna. Talking with the rest of the group.
Rook speaks to Patti and Joni about what it was like in NY in the 70s. Baze joining in on the conversation at one end of the table while the other end is ridiculous with jokes between Colson, Pete and Jason.
Finishing up, they pay their bill and hit the pavement. Still laughing they all hug and say Goodbye before going their seperate ways.
Patti hugging Luna extra tight, reminding her to call Kylie.
Olivia and Jason walk down the street headed home. Kate and Pete hop a cab, their going to catch an afternoon movie. Patti and Joni take a seperate cab to Annie's. While Luna, Colson, Casie, Benny, Slim, Rook, Baze and Ashleigh take three other cabs to the the brownstone to grab their luggage before going to the airport. Ashley and Dom are meeting them there after stopping off at their hotel to grab their things also.
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They fly out of LaGuardia.
Ashley, Dom, Rook and Benny heading to LA. They rest of them returning to Cleveland.
Both flights are uneventful. Each group sitting and chattering with each other.
They all land safely at their destinations.
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Back at Colson's, Casie jumps onto him.
"Pleeeeease Dad..." Casie gives him a pouty face.
"Yeah, please Dad." Luna laughs.
It's early in the evening and they wanna go to the skate park. Shaking his head and laughing he agrees.
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Later, after Casie's in bed. Luna and Colson are chilling on his bed together. Opening Netflix on the laptop while she messes around on her phone, he grabs her plump ass cheek. Gripping it tight.
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