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allmoshnobrain · 1 month

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𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫: 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 01 of 06 | masterpost

word count: 5,1k | ao3 link | fic's playlist

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, james hetfield x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, grief, mxf sex, unprotected sex

✦ a/n: The epilogue's finally here! As I said before, I had to split it into a few parts because it turned out really long and I wanted to tie all loose ends lol I haven't finished writing it yet, but I'll try to keep posting twice a week. Many things will have changed in this, since it's set mostly in 1992. We will have some flashbacks, but I dated all the parts so it wouldn't get confusing. Hope you enjoy the read, feedback is welcome! ❤

December 31, 1991

San Francisco in December hit me with that familiar chill as soon as I stepped off the plane; I quickly slipped on my gloves and shrugged into my coat, letting out a sigh as the cold nipped at my nose and fogged up my breath. It felt weird being back after so long, back to the city where I'd lived, loved, and grown up all those years ago.

I’d bid farewell to San Francisco two years back when my art career started picking up steam, making the move to LA seem like the logical next step. Coming back to the city stirred up a pain that ran deep in my bones — a constant reminder of the happiness I once knew but could never quite recapture, a bittersweet flashback to all I'd experienced — and all that had slipped away.

Lars had invited friends and family for a massive bash at his vacation home, ringing in the end of the year and welcoming 1992 with a bang. I had a hunch the extravagant party had something to do with his recent divorce, after a rushed marriage which had barely lasted two years. He'd even sent his driver, Simon, to scoop me up from the airport.

It was a relief not to have to wrangle a taxi amidst the chaos of folks flying in for the last flights before New Year's Eve. Slipping into the Jaguar, I peeled off my sunglasses with a sigh; those shades had become my shield against being recognized in the last few months. Ever since I'd started doing TV gigs, getting spotted by strangers and paparazzi was becoming a regular thing. It came with the territory, sure, but sometimes, a girl just wanted a little peace and quiet.

"Good afternoon, Miss Burton," Simon greeted me with a smile as I hopped into the car, and I shot one right back at him. "Mr. Ulrich was really looking forward to your arrival."

"Thanks, Simon. Are the others already there?" I inquired, my gaze drifting out the window as we cruised away from the airport.

"Yes, Mr. Hammett and Mr. Newsted are. Mr. Hetfield will show up later; I'll swing back to get him after dropping you off. And Miss Summers won't be joining us."

I let out a sigh. Ever since Cliff had passed, Leanne had drifted away from the group, moving to another city and cutting most ties. She said it hurt too much to stick around — too many reminders of him . I got where she was coming from and harbored no hard feelings, but her absence had definitely put some distance between us over the years.

"Well, I'll have to shoot her a call later and wish her a Happy New Year," I mused absentmindedly. "Do you know if my aunt and uncle are gonna make it?"

"Yes, I'll pick them up later," Simon replied, earning a small smile from me. Despite Cliff's passing hitting us all hard, Aunt Jan and Uncle Ray had been a steady presence for me and the guys. They'd practically become like second parents to all of us over the years, always there in the Metallica routine, whether it was on the professional front or at family and friends' get-togethers.

It took us a bit to roll up to Lars' vacation home, a big old mansion tucked away in one of San Francisco’s most expensive neighborhoods, a far cry from the tiny house we used to live in back in the day. Simon pulled up at the main entrance; the door was wide open, and I caught a glimpse of the staff buzzing around, putting the final touches on the shindig. Judging by the crates of booze being unloaded, this was gonna be more than just a cozy New Year's bash with a few friends.

"Thanks for the ride, Simon," I said, grabbing my bag and popping open the car door. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Miss."

It didn't take me long to spot Lars; the moment I stepped into the foyer, there he was, barking orders to his assistant at lightning speed, champagne glass already in hand. I couldn't help but grin; classic Lars, hitting the booze before anyone else. He turned my way at the sound of my footsteps echoing on the polished floor, breaking into a smile as he strode over.

"Nore!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a bear hug. "I'm so stoked you made it."

"Hey, Lars," I grinned, returning the hug. It had been a hot minute since I'd seen him or any of the guys; 1991 had been a whirlwind for all of us, and work had pretty much consumed our lives at warp speed.

"How was the trip? Did Simon take good care of you?"

"Yeah, it was smooth sailing. Simon's a pro, always has been. But seriously, Lars, you shouldn't have him grinding away on the last day of the year."

"Oh, he's getting compensated handsomely for it, don't you worry. Hey, you remember your way around the house, right? Kirk and Jason are probably chilling in the sauna. Oh, Allie!" Lars called out to his assistant, a dark-haired girl who looked eager to please. "Got the guest list handy? Can you show our girl here where she'll be crashing tonight?" Allie nodded briskly, and Lars flashed me a smile, turning back to me. "Party kicks off at 9 PM, so I'm just tying up loose ends. Make yourself comfy, grab some grub if you're hungry, alright? Consider the place your own."

I trailed after Allie to my room, a fancy suite with a king-size bed that looked like it had never been slept in. Lars always had a flair for the extravagant, but Metallica's success in recent years seemed to have kicked that into overdrive; his new vacation house was straight-up lavish, with more rooms than I could count, a massive pool, a sauna, and even a private movie theater.

I decided to chill in my room until the party kicked off; as much as I was itching to catch up with everyone, I was straight-up wiped out. Lately, I'd been craving more time alone, away from the chaos of the ragers my friends used to live for. But hey, I knew we'd all cross paths eventually, and sure enough, when I finally made my grand entrance, one of the first faces I spotted was Kirk's, rolling in with James, who apparently had arrived while I was hiding out.

"Nore!" Kirk grinned, pulling me into a hug. I chuckled, hugging him back. "Damn, you're looking good!"

"Thanks, Kirk. It's all Lars' doing; he picked out the dress," I replied, nodding at the long red number I was sporting. I’d found it laid out on the bed in my room with a note telling me to rock it for the night. I eyed Kirk's suit, a slick navy number with gold accents. "You're looking sharp yourself."

"Yeah, that's all Lars' handiwork too. Dude's on a mission to throw the ultimate party. But hey, who am I to complain? There's champagne!" Kirk chuckled, clinking his glass against mine.

"Hey, Nore." I glanced up at the sound of his voice, meeting James' intense blue gaze. A faint smile tugged at my lips; being around him always stirred up a whirlwind of emotions that were hard to untangle. Love, sure, but also heartache. It stung, yet it felt oddly comforting. Like coming home.

"Hi, James," I greeted him softly. Kirk shot us a quick look.

“Well, I'm gonna go track down our host. Catch you guys later!" He excused himself. I watched Kirk saunter off, a slight jolt running through me as James' hand landed on the small of my back.

"Have you grabbed a bite to eat yet? Lars said you got here before me," he murmured, his voice low. I looked up at him, seeing his eyes scanning the crowd of guests, a champagne flute in his other hand.

"Not yet."

"Want me to snag something for you? Lars went all out with the spread this time."

"I'm good, James."

"Didn't drag your boyfriend along to the party?" he quipped, and I couldn't help but snort.

"What boyfriend?"

"That... Brian guy? I dunno, it's hard to keep up with all the dudes you've cycled through since we split," he remarked, a hint of irony dancing in his eyes. I furrowed my brow; was he joking or dead serious? It was getting tougher to read James these days.

"If you wanna know if I'm seeing someone, just ask," I shot back sharply. He let out a sardonic laugh and rolled his eyes. I held his gaze. "And what about your 'Nothing Else Matters' chick? She bailed on the party?"

"I ended things with her," he replied, a hint of annoyance creeping into his tone. "And I've told you that song wasn't about her."

"Then who was it about?"

"Do I really need to spell it out?" he growled, stepping closer. I lifted my chin, meeting his gaze head-on. James and I had been locked in this dance for a while now, his anger clashing with my pain like sparks flying. It didn't shock me that Kirk wanted no part of our little reunion.

"I'm gonna go track down Lars," I tossed back dryly before strutting off. I could practically feel James rolling his eyes as he polished off the rest of his champagne in one gulp.

I didn't cross paths with James again until much later, well after midnight had come and gone. We’d all gathered on the balcony to catch the fireworks, dishing out Happy New Year wishes and hugs left and right. When the crowd filtered back inside, I lingered behind, a cigarette dangling between my fingers as I stared up at the star-studded sky, grappling with the bitter irony that another year had kicked off without Cliff here to see it.

"I did wanna know, actually," a voice cut through the silence, jolting me. I turned to find James leaning against one of the pillars, his gaze fixed on me with a serious edge.

"What?" I murmured, my heart picking up its pace as he closed the gap between us.

"You said if I wanted to know if you were seeing someone, I just had to ask. And I did wanna know," he replied, so close now I could smell the booze on his breath.

"I'm not," I answered, and he grunted, satisfied, before pulling me into his arms, his lips finding mine.

He tasted like beer and tobacco, his lips moving against mine in a familiar dance, the echoes of an old tune. No matter how much time passed or how much it hurt, James and I always found our way back to each other.

"You know that song was about you," he murmured, his kisses trailing down my neck, his grip tightening on my hips as he pulled me closer, our bodies pressed together. "Do you really have to mess with me like this?"

I didn't answer; instead, I grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back to me, his arms holding me tight as he kissed me with urgency, nipping at my lower lip. He wasn't holding back as he pushed me against the balcony railing, his hands hiking up the skirt of my dress, his touch igniting a fire in my belly.

"My room or yours?" I gasped against his lips.

"Does yours come with a bathroom?" he quipped, and I chuckled softly, nodding. "Figures. Lars always hooks you up with the best ones."

"Mine, then," I murmured, a faint smile playing on my lips.

We made our way up to my room, James guiding me through the labyrinth of hallways and rooms in the house with his hand in mine. The moment the door clicked shut behind us, his hands were back on me, pulling me close as his lips trailed hungrily along my neck, tugging at the straps of my dress.

"James, you're gonna wreck the dress..." I protested weakly, my fingers tangled in his hair. He grunted, yanking it down, and I heard a rip that probably meant the garment was already ruined anyway.

"I'll get you another one," he grumbled. "As many as you want."

With urgency matching his, I stripped off his shirt, a few buttons popping off and bouncing across the bedroom floor. Before I could even blink, he lifted me, depositing me on the bed and positioning himself over me. I kicked off my heels, sending them flying into some forgotten corner, releasing a low moan as he pressed against me, his arousal evident through the fabric of his pants. There was no time for calm contemplation, no room for hesitation or second-guessing if this was the right move; our desire for each other was insatiable, ravenous and desperate, and I felt it would consume me completely if we didn't satisfy it right then and there.

I sighed as his lips reclaimed mine, his hand tangled in my hair, gripping it firmly as I worked on unbuttoning his pants, easing them down. He pulled back for a moment, shedding the rest of his clothes before sliding off my panties, emitting a low groan as he entered me. I shut my eyes, clutching onto his arms tightly, my nails digging into his skin. He wasn't holding back; and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Look at me," he growled, his hand guiding my chin as he thrust into me, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body. I obeyed, meeting his gaze as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, my mouth slightly agape as I let out small, sharp moans. He shifted his hand to my neck, pressing his forehead against mine.

"James..." I moaned, my grip on his arms tightening as he picked up the pace, sending shivers down my spine. "James..."

"I wanna ruin you. You get that?" he growled, sending a jolt of pleasure through my body at his words. Of course, I got it. What were we if not each other's downfall? What more could I want than for him to consume me entirely, even if just for a moment? For all the pain and heartache to vanish, if only while he was inside me. "I want you to be mine, all mine, all mine... Fuck..." he buried his face in my neck as my climax washed over me, my body clenching around him, my legs wrapping around his hips, pulling him deeper. "Nore..." he groaned, his own release crashing over him, filling me completely as he continued to move until the intensity of his peak forced him to collapse onto me.

He rolled away, settling beside me, leaving a pulsating void inside me where pain and pleasure danced together in my womb and heart. I shut my eyes, focusing on steadying my breath, and let out a soft chuckle when I felt his lips on my neck, his arms pulling me close in a fleeting but genuine comfort.

"My girl..." he murmured against my ear, sending a delicious shiver down my spine. I'd lost track of how many times he'd called me that, but it never failed to stir something in me. "Why do you keep running from me? Don't you know I love you so?"

I opened my eyes, locking onto his gaze, a blend of longing and yearning reflected back at me. Nestling into his embrace, I placed a soft kiss on his lips, feeling his gaze soften into a tender warmth that sent tingles down my spine.

"I'm here now," I murmured, tracing my fingers gently over his face. He sighed, closing his eyes, intertwining our hands and pressing kisses to my palm, one, two, three times before pulling me close in a tight hug.

Peace hadn't been a frequent visitor in my life for a while, but in that moment, I found it. I'd always find my way back to James, and he'd always find his way back to me. That certainty coursed through my veins, leaving me feeling whole in a way I hadn't in ages.

The next day, we'd be back in the spotlight, the distance between us creeping back in like a toxic fog. But for now, on that night, I was content. I was at peace.

I was home.

September 28, 1986

The shrill ring of the phone pierced through the silence of the empty house, yanking me out of a deep slumber with a groan. I blinked, the heavy rain drumming against the bedroom windows registering in my foggy mind. Stretching out across the bed, I groped for James, only to remember he wasn't there; my boyfriend was off on tour with my cousin and my friends. That left just Leanne and me holding down the fort.

Dragging myself out of bed, my eyes still weighed down by sleep, I shrugged into my robe and slipped on my slippers before trudging out of the room, descending the stairs at a snail's pace. Flicking on the lights in the living room, I scowled at the clock — it wasn't even seven in the morning. This better be an important call, I grumbled inwardly. I was itching to crawl back under the covers.

"Hey," I mumbled, stifling a yawn and rubbing my eyes in an attempt to shake off the sleepiness.

"Hey, Nore," James' voice crackled through the receiver, but in my grogginess, I barely registered the tense undertone, so unlike his usual laid-back demeanor.

"Babe..." I murmured, another yawn threatening to escape. "I know you're in a different time zone, but it's way early here. I was out cold..."

"I'm sorry. I had to call," he replied, and this time, the strain in his voice didn't go unnoticed. I furrowed my brow, sinking down onto the couch beside the phone, suddenly wide awake.

"Is everything alright? Did something happen?"

"Yeah, something happened. Is Leanne there with you?"

"I think she's asleep. Why?"

"We had a crash," he said, and my heart clenched, a surge of unease and dread knotting my stomach. "We were on the road... Late at night. The driver lost control..."

My breath hitched, and in that instant, a sense of foreboding washed over me. Something felt off, deeply unsettling. It just didn't add up. I knew I should be getting this call from someone else. I knew my cousin; I knew Cliff would want to speak to me and Leanne directly, to break the news himself.

Like when he shared he was leaving Long Beach for San Francisco. Like when he announced he was joining Metallica. Like when he called to tell me Dave got booted from the band, or when he rang to say Metallica was wrapping up tour and he wanted me there for their first hometown gig after dropping the first album.

Something wasn't right.

"James," I whispered, my voice trembling, tears pricking at my eyes as if I already knew what he was going to say. "What happened to Cliff?"

January 1st, 1992

I jolted awake, my cheeks damp with tears that refused to cease flowing. I sighed heavily, my breath shaky, the early morning sunlight just beginning to seep through the curtains. James' arms were wrapped snugly around me, his breath warm against my shoulder as he softly snored.

That dream, again.

It always seemed to resurface whenever I was near James. Maybe my subconscious still linked him to that chilly morning, to that phone call that’d shattered any hope of happiness for the rest of that year and beyond. A call that tore a hole in the fabric of my world, leaving an ache in my heart that felt like it would never mend.

The call that had shattered my heart for good, leaving no chance of putting the pieces back together.

I carefully shifted James' arm away from me, slipping out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I took in my tired blue eyes framed by dark circles, my brown hair tumbling in waves over my shoulders, and the red marks on my neck and collarbone left by James the night before. With a sigh, I opened the bathroom cabinet, my hands trembling slightly as I reached for the pills I knew would help ease my anxiety.

I lacked the courage to return to bed, so I nestled into one of the armchairs in the corner of the room, observing James' peaceful slumber as the daylight gradually filled the space. He stirred awake soon after, as if sensing my absence beside him, his eyelids fluttering before he groggily opened his eyes. With a puzzled frown, he reached out for the bed, only to find it empty, prompting him to scan the room. A sigh escaped him when he spotted me, a sense of relief washing over his features that tugged at my heartstrings.

"Bad dream?" he inquired, and I simply nodded in response. "You wanna hop back into bed?"

"I'd rather not risk slipping into another nightmare," I admitted, and he sighed, sitting upright.

"Well, I know a surefire way to keep you awake, if you're interested," he quipped, and I managed a shaky laugh. I much preferred this relaxed and caring version of James to the sarcastic and irritable one from the night before. "So, spill. What was haunting you this time?"

"The usual. That day," I murmured. It wasn't anything new; I'd replayed that nightmare countless times, and James was well aware. My demons weren't a mystery to us, but that didn't make them any less terrifying.

With a sigh, he got up and strolled over to me, scooping me up effortlessly, which elicited a surprised gasp from me. He carried me back to bed, settling me down beside him, his hand securing my waist while the other supported the underside of my thighs, lifting one leg and tucking it around his waist. I hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his chest. It was a brief moment of warmth and solace, a fleeting calmness that I knew would vanish as soon as the day kicked into gear and he walked out that door.

"Are you taking off today?" I whispered softly. I understood that once James and I dove back into our regular routines — fame, commitments, the whole mess — things would get complicated again. I'd lose him once more; I'd been through that too many times in the last few years to entertain any other outcome. But as long as we were together, there, shielded from everything else, he was mine. And I craved his presence. I craved his warmth.

"Do you want me to jet today?" he countered, and I shook my head no. He grumbled under his breath, the rumble vibrating against my cheek as I snuggled closer. "Then I'll hang tight. I suppose we can annoy Lars a bit longer."

"I'm too scared to doze off," I admitted weakly, grappling with the heaviness of my eyelids, which threatened to seal shut from exhaustion. James planted a kiss on the top of my head, gently stroking my hair.

"I ain't budging. If you slip into that nightmare again, I'll be right here when you wake up. Deal?" he whispered, and I nodded.

I knew that as soon as I drifted off, that same haunting dream would likely rear its ugly head. It was just one more cruel reminder of the growing chasm between James and me. It felt like we were broken, perpetually out of sync, and his nearness both healed and wounded me in equal measure. But in that moment, I was willing to bear the pain if it meant he'd stick by my side.

"I love you, Jamie," I murmured, and he sighed, pulling me close as my body surrendered to sleep.

"I love you too, Nore," his voice was the last thing I heard before drifting off.

February 18, 1992

The bouquet of red roses James had given me was beginning to droop, the once vibrant petals shriveling and browning with each passing day. Yet, the fragrance lingering in the air remained sweet and evocative, as if the flowers were still in full bloom.

I sighed as I ran a brush through my hair, eyeing the dress laid out on the bed for the evening bash. It was the launch party for the new TV network schedule I'd been hired for, and showing up was not just a courtesy but a must.

I hadn't crossed paths with James much since our time at Lars' getaway spot. His absence had become a familiar ache over the last few years, a kind of shield we'd unintentionally built between us over time. Yet, there was always that tiny flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd call out of the blue and bring back that sense of ease with his voice.

To my surprise, the phone did ring that day. I set the brush down on the vanity, hurriedly making my way to the bedside table to answer it, a rush of excitement coursing through me.

“Nore?” the voice on the other end wasn't James', but it still warmed my heart, prompting a smile to spread across my face as I sank back onto the bed, cradling the phone to my ear.

“Lea!” I exclaimed, feeling a surge of joy. “It's been too long! How've you been?”

“I'm great! And you?”

“Oh, you know. Just hanging in there. How's Joe?” I swiftly changed the subject. As much as I adored Leanne, I wasn't ready to spill my guts about how I was really feeling.

“Oh, he's doing fantastic. Actually, that's why I rang you up. We're getting married!” she announced, her excitement palpable, and I couldn't help but smile.

“Lea, that's incredible! When's the big day?”

“It's in August. We figured summer would be perfect. I'm calling to extend the invite; would you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?”

I leaped up, my grin stretching wider across my face. Leanne and I had been thick as thieves since day one; seeing her so thrilled about tying the knot, and knowing she wanted me to be part of her big day, warmed my heart.

“Oh, absolutely!” I exclaimed, a bubbling laugh of joy and surprise escaping my lips. Lea chuckled in response, matching my excitement. “Thank you! I know it's going to be beautiful. Can you fill me in on all the details later?”

The rest of my day sparkled with newfound energy after the news; I even caught myself humming an old song as I finished getting dolled up for the evening bash, weaving my hair into an intricate hairdo my mom had insisted on teaching me.

When I finished getting ready, I checked myself out in the mirror, pretty pleased with the result; the dark blue spaghetti-strap dress hugged my curves just right, with the skirt flaring out at the waist and skimming down to my ankles. A dainty golden choker with crystals adorned my neck, and my long brown locks were styled to perfection, framing my face in all the right places, with my eyes sparkling, cheeks a touch flushed, and lips painted red.

But, of course, I couldn't roll up to an event like that on my own; right on the dot at 7 p.m., I heard the honk signaling my ride had arrived. I sauntered down the stairs, arching an eyebrow in surprise as I stepped outside and spotted the limo parked up front. My old friend Charlotte rolled down the window from the backseat, flashing me a big grin.

“Hey, Nore!” she chirped as I slid into the car, handing over a glass of champagne, which earned a soft chuckle from me. “Ready to rock?”

“I guess I’m a bit jittery. First time going to a party like this one,” I admitted. Now that I was on my way, the thought of facing a swarm of photographers and journalists at the event’s entrance was making me more nervous than I cared to admit, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.

“Well, it's gonna be a blast, trust me! Everyone who's anyone will be there. I'll be your wingwoman, so don't worry about a thing. I'll make sure you rub elbows with all the big shots you haven't bumped into yet during the shoots.”

I nodded, taking a bit of champagne to settle my nerves, the bubbles dancing on my tongue and momentarily diverting my attention. If my acting career was taking flight now, it was all thanks to Charlie; she'd been the driving force behind my return to the scene after I’d graduated High School, persuading me to switch gears from the Visual Arts program up in San Francisco to Drama School down in Los Angeles, and had even helped me snag my first TV gig.

I'd recently jumped into acting over at the same TV network where Charlotte had been working as an actress for a while. Even though I hadn't wrapped up recording my first project yet, the buzz around a relatively unknown actress snagging the lead in the latest drama series had caught the media’s attention. In just about a year, my life had changed completely, going from being just another face in the crowd to even having paparazzi tail me. But truth be told, I was still getting the lay of the land at the network. Charlie had hit the nail on the head; this party was prime time to make some connections.

We rolled up to the party spot; I soon realized that navigating through the sea of photographers and reporters on that red carpet was no joke. But once I got past the Q&A, which mostly revolved around my work and career, it was time to get down to business. Charlotte ushered me into conversations with all sorts of folks: actors, musicians, executives, and even some of the network's shareholders. It hit me quick that networking at these parties was just as much a part of the job in the entertainment industry as being good at your craft.

The hours zoomed by amid chats, laughter, drinks, and nibbles. Soon, I was feeling drained and decided to grab a bite from the buffet before taking a breather. As I was fixing my plate, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting it to be Charlie, ready to introduce me to someone new.

Never in a million years could I have guessed what awaited me in the next few seconds.

"Nore... Is that really you?" the man exclaimed, looking utterly astonished, and suddenly I was eighteen again, my heart racing in completely uncontrollable pirouettes as my breath hitched, my surprised gaze meeting his, the world filling with color and song as I stared into the eyes of Dave Mustaine.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9 @twice360noscope

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nostallicca · 8 months

Text

The Memory Remains

~ Heavy rings hold cigarettes, up to lips that time forgets, while the Hollywood sun sets behind your back. And can’t the band play on? ~

Episode 1: Mirror Vain

Warnings: Alcohol usage, mentions of throwing up, mentions of drug usage

Fortune, fame Mirror, vain Gone insane But the memory remains

The year was 1999 and you had just graduated high school. 18 years old...18 years old. That's when they say your life truly begins. You have your whole life in front of you. All the milestones are still there for you to experience. Finding the right man, getting married, having children and living an ordinary, predictable life. But you wanted something not ordinary. You wanted something extraordinary. Despite outside pressure, you did not know what you wanted but you knew that it was not what they wanted for you. And you were fine with that.

You checked the time. 6:37PM. You sat in front of the mirror, applying the last strands of your eyelashes with mascara. The ball of anxiety in your stomach was almost enough to cancel all your plans right there. But you had decided to not let the anxiety make your decisions for you anymore. You downed the last of your beer, hoping that the last mouthful of alcohol would eventually have the effect that your were chasing. You took a quick peek outside your window and saw the car you had been waiting for. Celeste. Celeste was your best friend and she had managed to fix a ride to this party you were going to. You had no idea who was going to be there and that's maybe what made you so god damn anxious. You were not a particularly shy person, just timid? Yeah maybe timid was the right word. You hurried, grabbing your purse and a worn out jean jacked that actually matched your outfit for once. You were wearing a tight, white mini dress with a pair of white, slightly dirty sneakers and the jean jacket. Your hair was kind of messy but somehow it looked intentional. You took a glance in the mirror, touching up your lipgloss when you heard the car honking the horn one more time. You stepped outside and was hit with the stifling weather of San Francisco on this particular summer night. Stepping in to the car you were hit with the smell of weed smoke and beer. The two girls who were sitting beside you in the back were complete strangers to you. Amanda, a petite blonde with major fuck me eyes and red pouty lips. And Hannah, a curly haired brunette with big brown eyes. They were nice enough but Celeste who was sitting in the front seat was the only reason you were even here. Celeste's boyfriend was driving, slightly annoyed by the constant chatting coming from Celeste and your mouths mixed with the loud instrumentals of Mötley Crue's kickstart my heart, combined with Amanda's and Hannah's voices somehow managing to overbear the actual music. Celeste handed you a beer and you quickly chugged it knowing you were going to need it.

Arriving at the destination of the party made you squirm. First of all, you had to enter a closed gate and then drive for a while to reach the actual house. The house was huge, with a slight farm vibe. There were people everywhere. On the front yard, on the outside patio and the music was LOUD. The music was definetely up to your standards though. Pantera, The Misfits, The Stones were just a few bands that were piercing through your ears. You, Celeste and the two girls Amanda and Hannah joined forces and started walking up the rocky trail leading up to the house. Before even entering the house you were faced with a few girls throwing up on the front yard and a few girls holding their hair back. If they weren't friends before that, they would definetely become friends after that. That's a universal bonding experience for all girls. As soon as you entered the house, Celeste brought you in to a bathroom for a couple shots of cheap, imported, lukewarm vodka. The bathroom was very big with hard wood floors, two sinks with two big slightly stained mirrors. A big very fancy shower with marble flooring. The bathroom smelled like a mix of aftershave, wood and smoke. You could feel the two shots of vodka coupled with the three beers you had catch up to you, impairing your already barely there judgement. Walking out to the party, all of a sudden you came to halt. You felt like you had just collided with a brick wall, head first. It took a few seconds for you to realize that it was in fact NOT a brick wall but a human chest. A man's chest to be precise. You apologized before you even raised your head to face the person you just bumped your head into. Raising your head, you were faced with a tall and buff man with shoulder length, dirty blonde hair. Wearing a white t-shirt slightly covering a few tattoos on his arms. He let out a low chuckle and a slight grin ''Woah, watch out there sweetheart'' he said before walking past you and into the bathroom while having a blonde chick glued to his arm, entering the bathroom with him. That same ball of anxiety had entered your body once again which forced you to drink yet some more. You found a bottle of Jägermeister on a dresser that looked to have cost more than your monthly check. You grabbed the bottle and took a few chugs from it.

Taking a small tour of the house you noticed who's house you might have entered. You saw a few platinum and gold certified albums hung up on the wall. A bunch of guitars and gear that only someone who was professionally into music would possess. It was clear that the house you were in belonged to one of the members of Metallica. You knew Metallica obviously. Everyone on the face of the earth probably knew about Metallica. You were not a particularly big fan but they were a good band and you had heard some of their songs. But just the knowledge of you being in a world renowned rockstar's house was enough for you to get slightly more excited than you were before.

You and Celeste were having a good time dancing and fighting off unwanted attention from absolutely hammered guys who definetely had a drink or two more than they should have. Your vision hade become slightly blurred after the extra chugs of Jägermeister that you hadn't even noticed that the man standing across the room from you was the same guy you collided with while exiting the bathroom. The same blonde chick was still attached to his arm as if she was afraid he could find someone better any second and leave her behind. He was something different. He had an aura about him that was so unique. It was almost as if he had a visable halo around him at all times. Your eyes were now stuck on him and he couldn't help but notice you as well from across the room. You saw him place the beer bottle to his lips and taking a big chug while locking his eyes with yours. With the liquid courage now in your body, you couldn't bear to look away. None of you broke eye contact for the next however many seconds that felt like an eternity until the blonde girl permanently attached to his arm seemed to notice and managed to steal his attention from you for a second by dragging her hands up his arm to his shoulder. He sneaked a quick glance to her before shifting his eyes to you again. You still had your eyes on him when you left Celeste's side and walked off in to the kitchen. You placed your back against the kitchen counter and took a few deep breaths. Somehow that man who was a complete stranger to you had managed to take your breath away by just a look. By just existing. You didn't turn around until you heard a low yet strong voice that was somewhat familiar to you. ''Looking for something?'' You turned your head quickly to look where the voice was coming from. There he was. Standing tall and proud while opening another bottle of beer with the help of the kitchen counter's edge. ''Oh, no not really'' you said with a slightly slurred speech. He looked you up and down which made your knees weak and gave you a slight shiver across your chest. ''You want a beer?'' he said while taking a sip. ''Sure, thanks''. He grabbed a bottle of beer and yet again opened it with the help of the kitchen counter edge. He reached over the counter to give you the bottle. You took it from his hand and the slight touch of his big hand sent a warm flush across your body. He took his hand and pushed some of his dirty blonde hair back ''So, what's your name?'' He asked while staring into your soul. ''I'm Olivia''. ''Olivia...hm'' he said dragging out the a at the end, making it sound better than ever before. ''How did you end up in my house anyway?'' The question gave you a weird feeling. You felt misplaced and put on the spot. Was it just an innocent question or was it intented to make you feel nervous? If it was the case, he certainly managed to do so. You felt your cheeks become hotter and you looked down while answering in a lower tone than usual ''I came with a few friends''. He nodded while gritting his teeth. ''Well, welcome to my shithole'' he said while letting out a small chuckle. You flashed him an inch of your smile while putting the bottle of beer up to your lips and taking a sip. ''Thank you, it's an honor''. He downed the last of his beer while keeping his eyes on you before letting out a small grunting noise and walking over to you. Your body became tense immediately and he seemed to notice. He grabbed your hand and dragged you along with him. You followed him aimlessly while holding the beer bottle with your other hand. You could feel your hand slightly gliding off the bottle because of your sweaty palm. You could feel people's eyes on you which made you push your head down to avoid any and all eye contact. You walked up behind him on a flight of stairs. Up there it was a lot more calm, almost no people. As if he had told everyone when they entered his house that this part of the house was off limits.

END OF EPISODE 1 - I did not want to end it here but the word count was too much. Let me know if u like it and if u want me to continue <3

#rob trujillo #james hetfield smut #kirk hammett #metallica #metallica smut #jason newsted #james hetfield #papa het #james hetfield x reader #lars ulrich #james hetfield x oc #cliff burton #robert trujillo #james hetfield fanfiction #james hetfield fluff

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kendallbarnes · 5 years

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James Hetfield My Savior

JamesxOC

Summary: When Claire was 16 years old her mom died in a car wreck and her dad has blamed her for her mother's death ever since. Now at age 18 she gets abused by her dad. When she somehow ends in the 80s she meets a certain rockstar

The best part of my day is going to school, you might think I'm crazy but if you knew my dad you wouldn't. School is were I can be away from my horrible father.

FlashBack

It all started when I was 16 years old my mom and I were driving home from the mall, me and her were singing along to music and that's when I made the biggest mistake of my life, i pointed out a deer to here and when she went to look at it a truck crashed into the back of the car, killing my mom instantly. All I remember was trying to wake my mom up but failing, tears were streaming down my face as my moms limp body layed there blood everywhere. A couple months after her death I kept thinking the same thing over and over again why her and not me.

End of FlashBack

After my moms death my dad drank more and yelled a lot more. He became very violent and abusive towards me. The worst stuff he did was whip me with his belt, god I hated the crack of the whip and the stinging pain that followed after it. Music was my escape, it was my outlet from my dad it helped me get through every beating, every while and crack of the belt. After every beating I would go to my room filled with all of my posters and listen to my music. I would listen to stuff like Led Zeppelin, ACDC, Motley Crue, Queen, and my all time favorite Metallica.

The way they yelled and screamed in their songs felt like they were screaming for me. A lot of my music was from the 70s and 80s. There was no doubt in my mind that 70s and 80s music was the best. I decided that I wasn't gonna get beat anymore so I packed my stuff to run away. I cant stand the abuse anymore, I started packing my stuff for tomorrow. I put all the essentials food, clothes, money, and a little makeup.

I eventually finished up packing and climbed into my bed and fell asleep. I woke up and pretended to get ready for school. I walked down stairs to pretend to go wait at the bus stop.

"Get your ass over here" I heard my father yell with anger.

"What do you want" I asked annoyed quickly regretting the tone I used. He quickly took off his belt and told me to bend down. I didnt want to make the situation anymore worse than it already was so I bent down and lifted the back of my shirt up. He began whipping my back with the belt.

"Dont ever fucking talk to me like that again" he said as he finished whipping me with his belt. He eventually left for work. I quickly ran to the bathroom and as soon as I got there I broke down crying as I lifted the back of my shirt to examine the scars he left on my back. I was done I grabbed my suitcase and ran out of the house. As I was running across the street to get to the other side I didnt notice the car coming my way, next thing you know everything went black.

"I found her lying on the street with what I'm assuming is her suitcase lying next to her" I heard a strange voice say. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

"So you just took her" Another familiar voice said. "Well what was I supposed to do leave her lying there" The other voice said. I slowly opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing there stood James hetfield and Kirk hammett standing right in front of me.

"Shes awake" I heard Kirk say. I couldn't believe I was in the same room as Metallica. Wait a second arent they supposed to be like 50 years old.

" You guys look really young" I said.

"I would hope so I'm only 22" James said chuckling. Wait what, where am I, what year is it. "What year is it" I asked curious.

"1985 why" He asked. I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. This has to be a dream. "You mean I have travelled 30 years in the past" I said. They looked at me like I had 3 eyes.

"Time travel isn't real" James said laughing. I then tossed him my phone. "Then how do you explain this" I said as he examined my phone.

"Ok let's say you are from the future how did you get here" He asked me. " I dont know all I remember was walking across the street and a car came out of nowhere and hit me and I blacked out and now I'm here" I replied. They looked at me, I couldn't tell if they believed my story or not.

"Well until we figure out how to get you back to the future you can stay here with us" James informed me. The thing is I don't know if I wanna go back.

"Alright" I replied. As they were about to introduce themselves to me I cut them off tell them I already known who they are. I eventually met Lars and cliff. I felt bad because I know what happens to cliff and they don't. I obviously couldn't tell them what happens to cliff it would mess up the future. So far since hanging around them I learned that Kirk is the sweet one and James was always trying to act tough.

This was way better than being around my dad all day hoping he wouldn't beat me or whip me. He would insult me so much that I started to believe the things he said, that I was a whore, a dumb bitch who didn't deserve to live. My eyes started to water but I quickly sucked up the tears. Kirk must have noticed because he asked me if I was alright I nodded.

"Where am I going to sleep" I asked them. "I guess you can stay at my place" James replied. James was always my favorite, I thought he was so attractive and I would often have dreams of him saving me from my dad, but unfortunately in my time hes like 50 years old. Maybe going back in time wasn't such a bad thing at all, it might even be a blessing.

#metallica #heavy metal #kirk hammett #cliff burton #james hetfield #lars ulrich #time travel #james x OC #james hetfield imagine #metallica imagine #abuse

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almosthonest · 3 years

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BOX OF CHOCOLATES

pairing : dave mustaine x oc

summary : abigail hetfield falls in love with dave mustaine, a person her brother has history with, and doesn't like. but winning his heart will be the only thing that makes her happy. but she doesn't want to be known, so she only has one solution. box of chocolates, and secret admirer letters.

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CHAPTER ONE : GAIL HETFIELD, THE SHADOWED ONE

September Twentieth, Nineteen Ninety-One!

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" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I JUST CLEANED UP THIS FUCKING BUS! "

YOU COULD SAY ABIGAIL WAS IN some type of mood right now. She loved her brother, and she loved his bandmates, but god knows that she was tried of cleaning up their mess. She was one of the only girls on the crew for the upcoming tour for the black album, but that didn't mean that she had to be their cleaning lady all the time. It was absolutely infuriating and she didn't like it. And standing up for herself was not working whatsoever.

But like herself, the band had been through a lot since then. And she understood that sometimes everyone was in a mood for several different reasons. Five years since the death of their bassist, Cliff Burton, and having to replace him with another. Jason Newsted, who she constantly felt bad for because the other guys were so hard on him. But Gail had considered him to be her best friend.

But to the both of them, Metallica had been one of the best things that's ever happened to them. And Gail was really proud of her brother. She loved him to death. But sometimes, she hated being in his shadow. Of course, what would you expect being the little sister of a world famous singer and rhythm guitarist? But as it came down to it, she really didn't care anymore.

"Someone help me pick up this mess!" She commanded, hoping for someone to come forward.

"It's alright, Gail, I got this," Jason said to her, "You go with the other guys."

"Thanks Jase."

The bassist gave her a smile before walking to pick up the alcohol bottles that were left all over the bus. Gail was happy about this, because she had been making sure that everything was in tact for the tour. But it was really tiring. She just needed a break.

"Looks like someone's in a mood today."

"Shut up, James, I'm not in the mood," Gail said to him, "I'm fucking tired."

"No need to get snappy," James replied back, "I can see that for myself."

"Then leave me alone, alright? I just need to rest for a bit."

"Don't rest too long," said Kirk, "We're almost at the next venue."

Kirk was the guitarist that replaced Dave years earlier. He was sweet and all, but Gail was secretly still upset at the fact that Dave was fired. But she looked at Kirk like he was another brother. He was a huge nerd, which she absolutely loved, but Dave was the one who was in her heart. She had known him the longest.

"How long 'till we get there?" Gail questioned.

"Thirty minutes." He answered

"That's enough time for me."

Gail was just very exhausted. This tour was absolutely draining. All tours were, but there was something about this was the made her feel very exhausted. Maybe it was just the cluster of fans trying to meet the band and keeping them under control. The scheduling of some of the things they needed to do before leaving each city. She had done this many times before, but it was like she never got credit for the help.

She had dreams of her own. She wanted to have a band and be able to play her own music instead of listening to her brother's band all the time. They were great, don't get her wrong, it was just that she was stuck being a roadie for her older brother's band.

There were nights that she stayed up, writing music, trying to pitch in ideas with the other boys, but for some reason, they were always dismissed. Always dismissed her ideas, which was why she wanted to prove that girls could just rock as hard as boys in the metal scene.

Gail felt the bus come to a jolting stop. She opened her eyes out of fear, but thankfully, it wasn't what she thought she was. Ever since Cliff's death, she had been afraid of anything that was vehicle related.

"We're here!" Jason cheered.

"Already?" The blonde girl said, getting up from one of the spare beds on the bus.

"Told you. Thirty minutes," Kirk said back to her.

"Come on, sis, you gotta help us with this," James told her.

Gail scoffed, "Can the other roadies handle it?" She asked him.

"You do a better job! Now come on!" James replied as he got off the bus.

Gail only shook her heard before climbing off of one of the bunk beds and following her older brother into the venue.

If only she was just as famous.

#dave mustaine x oc #oc #dave mustaine fic #megadeth #megadeth fics

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phantomlordreshiram · 3 years

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My latest art piece is finally finished! It took a lot to do but I'm finally done!.

We have all the studio metallica albums each with their own little background thingy (besides hardwired but I gave the text colors similar to the cover art thermal thing)

We have some cameos too! Reshiram Black and Zekrom White from @isshusgotissues (credit to them for the inspiration of the designs of Monferno Benga, Fraxure Iris, Swoobat Skyla, and Leavanny Burgh)

We also have two rockstar legendaries, Xerneas Nick (based on my first Pokemon OC, Nick from X!) And Reshiram Black.

We also have a quote in the "...And Justice For All" section from a poem/thing written by the late Cliff Burton, spoken in the instrumental "To Live is To Die"

The symbol in the center is from the Load/Reload era and is 4 Metallica M's arranged to look like a throwing star.

I put a lot of effort into it and I hope y'all like it!

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fasteddiesstrat · 1 year

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first impression, first meeting

cliff burton x savannah driscoll (oc)

a/n: feedback is appreciated and needed!!!!

cliff’s pov:

Tuesday, December 28th, 1982, El Cerrito.

I finally arrived and parked my Volkswagen on the curb in front of the house I presumed to be the infamous “metallica mansion”, where our first rehearsal was to take place. Stepping out the driver’s seat, I took in the neighborhood view. Man, was I relieved that the band agreed to relocate much closer to me. It wasn’t Castro Valley, but at least I wouldn’t be miserable in trashy Los Angeles. I grabbed my rickenbacker bass guitar and amp out of the back seat and made my way over to the front door. After setting the amp down and knocking three times, the door opens about three seconds later. Standing there, a brunette girl with piercing dark blue eyes, wearing a Motörhead shirt. She looked to be around my age and she mustered out a shy, “Hello..?”

“Hi, is the band here?” I inquired.

“Yes! Um, they’re setting up right this way in the garage. I presume you’re Cliff?” the girl answered me with an effortless grace in her voice.

“That would be me, correct,” I confirmed.

“Savannah,” she said, reaching her delicate hand out to me to shake it. I awkwardly set my amp down yet again to do so, careful not grab on too tight.

“Nice to meet you,” I went for the cliché first impression phrase.

“Nice to meet you too! Umm…so my friends and I are actually like, just about to head out now because we figured you and the crew needed some privacy to rehearse,” Savannah informed as another slightly darker brunette girl caught up to her and both girls started to get their things together.

“Yeah. They’re kicking us out simply because we’re girls,” the other girl said.

“No we’re not, Christina, we’re not THAT much of dicks!!” shouted a voice that sounded like James.

“Sure, sure,” Christina snarked back.

“You boys have fun now, don’t fuck shit up too much,” another female voice spoke from a distance, coming out to join the girls.

#cliff burton #cliff burton fanfic #cliff burton x oc #metallica fanfiction #metallica fanfic #cliff burton fanfiction #savannah driscoll

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feverinfeveroutfic · 1 year

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sunburn | ashes to ashes

THE RETURN OF FEVER! I have had these rolling around in the back of my mind ever since fever ended last summer. it was nine books, but there were a myriad of moments where i could have added a little more intimacy to it. mind, i’ve always considered myself more a storyteller than anything, but i was experiencing a lot of emotional distress then, questioning my sexuality and unpacking way too many bad feelings associated with it… i still struggle with it a lot but it’s not as awful as it used to be. (besides, whenever i write anything sexual, it’s meant to help me feel better about myself). i’m feeling 30 stories here and, though we have kinktober as well as kinkmas and fuckuary, i often wonder why we don’t have kink-related stuff for springtime, what with “spring fever” and everything.

“I’m home!”

She thought she would never hear those words again after Metallica had embarked on their tour. It was one of those fears that followed her wherever she went, especially whenever she left New York to visit her parents over there in Reno or even a little trip anywhere in New York City. Cliff had had a narrow escape already at a venue the night before, as someone had tried to nick him with a knife the size of a loaf of bread. He had called her and told her about it after it happened but she knew that it was enough to strike the fear of god into her.

She had hung up the phone and buried her face in her hands even though she was alone in her Bronx apartment. She thought of all the bad things that could have happened while he was out there on the road, and she didn’t want to think of those bad things, either. She slid her fingers down her face and peered out the window to the sunbathed street below. The people of the Bronx out there on the sidewalks, minds of their own, worlds of their own, families and stories of their own, private lives of their own…

Sam had never been one to be very sexual in the past: she had touched herself before, but there was so much that she had to overcome in the meantime. While Cliff had been away on the road with the boys, she had looked on at herself in the mirror in disbelief. She would take off her clothes to examine every inch of her body, and yet she wondered how in the world anyone would love this body, to feel it, to hold it, to love it, to make it feel welcome and like it has a place in this bizarre thing called life. She would listen to The Cherry Suicides’ album given their lyrics had that feeling to them but she still couldn’t feel it for herself. A feeling that oft eluded her no matter how much she wanted to feel it for herself.

Cliff was without question the first boy she had ever really had a crush on in her life, even at the ripe age of twenty-two. She always had the strangest looks whenever she would tell someone about her absence of a first kiss. How could someone that young be so beautiful and yet so undersexed, and she never could say as to why, either. At times, it felt as though there was a language that she had never learned before that very moment there in her apartment

But since she had moved to New York the year before, and she had met Anthrax as well as Metallica and those neighboring bands out of the Bay Area, Exodus, Death Angel, and The Legacy, she knew that she would have to change things at some point.

Sam sauntered over to the windowsill for a glimpse out there to the street. She merely lived on the third floor but the people down on the sidewalks made her think of army ants. If only she could share her art with some of them somewhere along the line, and she could be the one to watch and desire herself, and she could be the miasma that was the “it” girl.

Such was the life of the artist in uptown New York.

She spotted Zelda and Louie down on the sidewalk right across the street, and she smiled to herself at the sight of them. Something about Louie cheating on his girlfriend with such a hot babe like Zelda made so much sense that Sam almost didn’t have to think about it twice. That short black hair with that slender wiry body, slender from several years of pounding on drums to stay out of the streets of Narragansett and Providence, slender from living rather poor and isolated most of her life. Louie, meanwhile, had that long smooth hair down past his shoulders with that part that swept across the side of his forehead.

Still very much a boy, and Zelda only made him appear that much younger by being next to him.

Sam saw Louie mouth the words “Hold my hand” to her. Zelda showed him a smile and said something to him. Sam was eager to hear Zelda’s Rhode Island accent again after a time. There was something so satisfying about it, especially with Sam having hailed from the West Coast where accents muddied out and sounded homogenous. She watched them cross the street together, and she wondered where they were headed. After the phone call with Cliff, there was no way that she could waste another moment up there in her apartment.

She swiped her keys from the stand and hastily locked the front door. She hoped to catch Zelda and Louie before they headed up the street as she nearly dropped the keys. Everything blurred around her as she sprinted down the stairs to the landing down below. She breezed past Emile’s apartment door, and she never bothered to take a peek inside to find out if Aurora was in there and she needn’t look, anyway.

The front door squeaked open as she emerged into the bright morning sunlight. The glare caused her to squint her eyes but she looked on at the street before her.

“Zelda!” she called out to her, and she and Louie turned their attention to her, and their faces lit up as a result.

“Hey, Sam I Am!” Zelda’s voice sailed through the noise of the street behind them like a high wave of the beaches of Narragansett. Sam padded down the steps to meet up with them with her arms wide open. Louie showed her a little smile as she embraced Zelda.

“Oh, man—it’s only been a few weeks since we saw each other!” Zelda declared.

“I can’t hug my best friends?” Sam asked her as she rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment.

“Of course you can—this was just sort of—”

“Unexpected like me?” Louie chimed in.

“Exactly, yeah!” Zelda laughed at that as Sam put her arms around him and he returned the favor.

“I actually wanted to give you guys a hug because Cliff called me last night to tell me that he got mugged right outside of the concert hall,” Sam explained.

“Holy shit!” Louie declared.

“Oh, my god, is he alright?” Zelda asked her, stunned.

“Yeah, he’s okay—” And Sam shuddered with the feeling of fear once again as she stroked her upper arm with her fingers. “—the guy threatened him with a huge knife, though. Had to give up his belt buckle because he didn’t have anything else on his person to give to him.” She then turned to Zelda, the working class girl from the smallest state in the country who had been intimate with herself from day one. “I also wanted to ask you, Zelda—about something… on the sexual side.”

She glanced over at Louie, who gave his hair a toss with a flick of his head as if he was about to pounce across the front of Playgirl magazine.

“Well, I’m a small town girl from New England,” Zelda told her in a low enough voice for her to hear for herself. “I know my way around that part’a town.”

“I want to do something hot—for Cliff,” Sam sputtered out. “Can we do that?”

“Yes, we can,” Zelda assured her with a twinkle in her eye, and she turned her attention to Louie. “And sweet little Luciano here is more than welcome.”

“Gladly,” Louie proclaimed.

It was a wind, flash, and a blur as Sam followed Zelda and Louie to the place where she had only ever dreamed of going to before as a young kid in California and Nevada, the one street that seemed so seedy and cast in shadow all the time, even at high noon when the sun hung high in the sky and cast everything in the brightest light possible. She was glad that she had locked the door prior to leaving because she knew that they would be in the red light district for a while. She was amazed that she lived so close to it, given it struck her as a mere regular street of New York whilst in passing.

“This is where Mo and Min used to come to when they were working on the weekends,” Zelda explained over the noise of the street. “They couldn’t last long because they missed Narragansett too much and decided to join me in making music instead. I’m glad they did ‘cause I dunno how long I could’ve lasted without my best friends at my side.”

“Music saves, you know,” Louie pointed out.

“It’s saved all of our lives,” Zelda assured him as they strode past a low building on the corner with blacked out windows and bright red buzzing neon on the outside. Sam brought her hand to her upper arm once again as if to protect her chest. They seemed to line the streets all around her as they strode along the sidewalk, all of them faceless, all of them with the presence that sent a chill up her spine as well as the pervading feeling of guilt.

They passed an erotic bakery before they reached the lingerie shop: the first thing that Sam spotted upon Louie holding the door for her and Zelda was a series of sex toys and blindfolds on display. The mere sight of them made her blush as well as breathe at a faster pace. The door closed behind her and the three of them were enshrouded in lush red light, as red as the feeling of the fever.

The toys came in small sets, complete with smoothly crafted special boxes as if someone could take them on a picnic at some point. Sam held a hand to her chest to feel the pounding of her heart from within. It was all happening so fast, and with such conviction that she had no idea as to where to begin with it all. She watched Zelda pick out a new camisole for herself.

Sam swallowed, and then, completely on impulse, she reached for the black tin lunchbox closest to her. She held her breath and took a glimpse inside to find a black satin blindfold, a bottle of lubricant, a silicone dildo, a pair of green metal balls the size of nickels, and what to looked to be a vibrator but about the size of a cork straight from a bottle of wine. She swallowed again, and she couldn’t recall a time where she never felt thirstier before. She skirted along the side of shelf to meet up with Louie, who was looking on at the leather teddies as well as the blow-up dolls hung up on the rack on the wall.

Sam closed the box and gasped for air. Though it wasn’t very warm in the shop, she swore that she was about to suffocate if she breathed a little too hard. She closed her eyes and fanned herself with the tips of her fingers. It was a real struggle to try and contain herself and the anxiety within her. If only she could just relax and feel the sexuality within her, like those metal boys and like the Cherry Suicides themselves—

“Sam, are you alright? You look like you’re about to pass out.” She opened her eyes to find Louie and the look of concern on his face.

“Yeah, I’m just—not really used to this sort of thing,” Sam confessed, and she let out a low whistle.

“Little bit of anxiety?”

She nodded her head.

“I know the feeling,” he said with a raise of his eyebrows at her. “And it sucks, too.”

She gasped and swallowed, as if she had been submerged in water and she struggled to find a single iota of air.

“Believe me when I say this,” he assured her. “The more you get exposed to it, the more you get used to it. The more you get used to it, the more you want to see it.” He flashed her a wink, and the smirk returned to him again. Right at that moment, Zelda stepped out of the dressing room donned in a white camisole that seemed a little extra small than she had warranted: she was so thin that the smallest size they had on hand was still a little too big. Sam glanced down at her own heavier body and wondered how Cliff could found a body like her own attractive.

Then again, Louie and Cliff were two completely different men. The feeling really did overcome her, and she hoped that this little black box could help bring her some peace of mind as well as comfort with Cliff.

And yet, the box sat on her shelf over the couch for a few days, this lingering demon that tempted her from clear across the room when she walked in for the morning. A big black spot against the soft eggshell white color of the walls, and thus, there was no way that she could miss it, even when she bowed her head away from it.

On the third evening, and she had curled up on the couch with a book on her lap, she peered up at the shelf and the end of the box closest to her. It wasn’t that high above her, but she knew that she had to reach up to take it off and open it up once again. She paid more attention to her book, however: only every so often, she glanced up there above her head for a look.

It was if it taunted her all the while, the little repressed girl who froze and flushed at the mere mention of having a first kiss. The mere thought of that spread into more thoughts, and then more and more until she reached the point that she could scarcely concentrate on the words on the page. She lay the book across her lap and looked up at the box. The apartment was silent save for the low hum of the refrigerator in the next room as well as the noise on the street and the neighbors down the hall.

No one was paying attention to her.

Sam tucked the bookmark into the book and set it on the coffee table next to her. Careful not to fall, she stood up on the couch cushion and picked the box off the shelf. She climbed off the couch and took her seat with it in her lap. With another swallow, she opened the lid.

The smooth faces of the Ben wa balls shone under the warm light of the lamp next to her. The satin on the blindfold shimmered with the feeling of being brand-new. She picked up the lubricant, and she knew right away that it was meant for her ass—

A knock on the door broke her concentration, and she hastily closed the lid and tucked it around the arm of the couch, out of sight lest anyone walk into the kitchen for something. She fanned herself once again and straightened out her hair with a swipe of her hand.

Sam fixed the bottom of her shirt as she padded on over to the front door. There he was, wrapped in light denim and with the cowboy hat upon his head to better accentuate the soft hair which spread over his slender shoulders. He towered over her but he showed her the bouquet of yellow tulips all for her and accompanied it with a smile.

“There he is!” she declared.

“Here I am!” He opened his arms for her, and she put her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. Cliff bowed his head as if he was about to blanket her with his hair.

Sam lifted her head and showed him a smile.

“God… I really missed you,” she confessed.

“I really missed you more, though,” he retorted with a kiss on her lips, a move which sent a chill down her spine. Her first kiss for real at that point.

“Is that a challenge?” she asked him.

“Only if you want it to be,” he retorted once more, and once more with another kiss on the lips. It happened all too quickly, and yet it was a pace that she could work with because the anxious feeling had moved along rather quickly as well. She moved back away from his face for a look into those luminous eyes.

“I have a little surprise for you,” she told him in a soft voice. Sam took him by the hand and guided him over to the couch. He kept the smile on his face as he gazed up at her: he reached up for the crown of his hat, but she wagged a finger at him.

“Hat stays on,” she told him: she spoke from the flesh. Sam then reached for the box behind the couch, and she placed it on the coffee table before him. She never thought twice about it as she unbuttoned her jeans and let them slide down her legs to her feet. Cliff leaned back and crossed his legs for her. Sam locked eyes with him as she reached for the Ben wa balls. He raised his eyebrows at them.

“What’re you doing with those, babe?” he asked her in a near whisper. She glanced down at those smooth little orbs, attached together by a narrow string and as smooth as glass. The woman in the shop said they should just slip into her little lips without a drop of lubricant.

She sighed through her nose and peeled off her underwear so she was exposed to him. His eyes widened at the sight.

The first one did in fact slip into her lips, and the second one stayed in place right behind her clit. The cold smooth feeling only made her straighten her spine and buck her hips a little bit in his direction.

“Holy shit,” Cliff breathed.

Sam then reached into the box again, that time for the blindfold. Her mouth was dry once again but she persisted. She slipped the blindfold over her head and eyes, and she was surrounded by complete blackness.

There was nothing behind her, and thus, she sank down to the floor: the balls kept her from closing her legs all the way, and she knew that she was wide open for him.

The rustling of denim caught her ear. Though everything was dark, she could feel his presence there before her. She had only just kissed him, but they had been a thing for months at that point. It was time, her time now.

“I want you to slip it out,” she told him in a low, husky voice. It felt rather odd for it to enunciate itself from her lips, but she still said it to him, and she said it with the utmost seriousness that she could provide for him. The feeling in between her legs was only coupled with a feeling of rising, a feeling of being on the come-up.

She never moved a muscle. She relaxed every inch of her legs, and then she could feel his fingers there. She wanted to close her legs but there was no way she could. Cliff slipped out the Ben wa balls and she treated him to a low, euphoric moan. The fact she couldn’t see it only added to the feeling.

“Shit, I wish I was having as much fun as you just now,” he said; she could feel his soft lips kiss the inside of her thigh. The little line of fuzz on his upper lip only made her rise again.

“I think there’s something in there for you,” she told him, out of breath. A brief pause.

“This little ring here?”

“That’s the one,” she sputtered out.

“This ain’t gonna fit on me, babe,” Cliff assured her. “I’m too big.”

Sam opened her lips to say something but she was cut off by the feeling of his lips on the inside of her thighs. The feeling of anxiety welled up within her once again, but at least she could only see the veil of blackness all around her, and the anxiety had risen in junction with the real feeling that she wanted, and that was his lips on her own for the second orgasm. Sam tilted her head back and let out another moan as he stuck his tongue inside first.

A third and biggest orgasm was coming as she could feel his tongue hit the head of her clit. She needn’t see it as she came twice more for him.

Her elbows shook from holding herself up for so long, and she lay down on the carpet, flat on her back. She could feel his body on top of her own, and it took her a second to realize that he had taken off his shirt at some point: his bare skin caressed over her own.

The darkness lifted away for her to gaze on into his handsome face.

“Stay with me forever,” she whispered to him, and he kissed her on the lips again.

“You know I will,” he vowed, also in a whisper.

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feverinfeveroutfic · 11 months

Text

sunburn | sympathy for the devil

A dream of a cathedral, with the windows glazed by sunshine,

the spires which reach for heaven, the spirits which haunt the catacombs below:

she stood minute to the rising arches of the worship around her,

to the hymns of the end of the world at the altar caught her attention.

Ye, the day was alive for the Danish congregation,

and she served as Mary Magdalene for the man with the prayer.

Whilst no eyes remained upon her, she stepped forward for the wine,

to which he handed her the chalice and bestowed her a blessing.

A sip and a twitch, and a flitting glance from the small bishop of green eyes,

and she moved in closer to him while the prayers were bestowed behind them.

“Hello, father,” she whispered into his ear, to which she gave him a kiss.

Father Cliff smiled at the sensation, and he knew the book would agree

and Jesus himself would rise for her as well.

The end of the sermon would bring her to the catacombs

for more than the sweet lushness of wine,

as Father Lars gave his Song of Solomon unto her,

and Father Cliff washed her feet and blessed her Garden of Eden.

#sunburn #one shot collection #one shot #fanfic #fanfiction #metallica #metallica fanfic #metallica family #cliff burton #cliff burton x oc #cliff burton smut #lars ulrich #lars ulrich smut #also on ao3 #writing #text #fever in fever out #fever in fever out fanfic

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feverinfeveroutfic · 11 months

Text

sunburn | cigarettes and valentines

It wasn’t the first time that Sam had been caught touching herself.

When Cliff was still alive, and the two of them had indulged in a relationship with one another, she had found herself on the couch on her back and with her feet rested upon the arm due across from her. She was alone, and the mountain of homework from her time as a student at the art school had finally subsided down to a level that she could live with in the end, and the inspiration for her new batch of drawings for her illustration class had run to a dry point in the well along the way.

Though she hadn’t had a touch of her own skin in some time since the last time that Cliff had visited her before, it was a feeling that she simply could not shake away even if she strove to ignore it.

There had been the time that she had thought about a rubbing feeling of her pillow upon her lips, but then again, there was something about the pure feeling of her fingertips stroked upon her skin, something particular and something satisfying.

She closed her eyes and pursed her lips together.

She needn’t think about the lock on the door given Cliff had called and promised to visit some time during the evening. But the feeling welled up within her as she stroked with the smooth face of her fingernail. Her toes curled and her spine bucked at the sensation. A feeling that she merely could not contain within her as it burned with each passing touch on her own whim.

It was a feeling that she could not wish for once Cliff knocked on the door panel, and upon her lack of response, he opened the door and found the opening to the gates of heaven on earth itself, as if he had just received the best gift for Valentine’s Day imaginable. Sam stopped as soon as he had walked into her apartment upon her silence, and, with her upper lip quivering, she struggled to find the right words. But Cliff showed her a playful smirk and a sweet little chuckle in response, and he eventually treated her to a few kisses on the neck and a caress of her bare, exposed breasts later on that evening.

And yet, there she lay, flat on her back with her legs wide open and her hand down upon the smooth clitoral hood with two fingers slipped inside, and she believed that Alex was out with Stu Hamm and his band The Urge, and there was no way that he could return right at that moment with a stunned look upon his face and hell of a story to dish with Chuck and Eric the next day. There was no way that he could watch her touch her own breasts and give her nipples a slight pinch to further bring her to climax. There was no way that he could walk through that door and witness a boy’s dream right before his very eyes.

No way in hell!

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allmoshnobrain · 15 days

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫: 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 05 of 06 | masterpost

word count: 8,2k | ao3 link | fic's playlist

I sighed, feeling heat rise to my cheeks as I sensed a kind of understanding forming between the three of us, albeit slowly; Dave and James were like two sides of the same coin, always had been, brothers of fire and anger even before all their pain had driven them apart. Was it such a shocker that they'd both end up falling for the same woman? Was it such a surprise that I'd end up loving them both? Maybe we always knew it would eventually lead to this.

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, threesome, mxfxm sex, dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, unprotected sex, oral sex, drug issues mentioned, alcoholism, drinking

✦ a/n: Hey, everyone! So, this chapter turned out a bit longer too, but I couldn't wrap up the fic without throwing in this smut scene at least once. Honestly, it's one of my favorites in the whole story! Oh, and in case you haven't noticed - yeah, Leanne's husband is Joe Sinclair. He popped up in some earlier chapters as Lea's friend who had that cool beach house where they celebrated Cliff's birthday and where James first kissed Nore at Lea's birthday party. Next part's gonna be the finale, and I swear we're finally getting a happy ending after all the drama lol Thanks for sticking around and reading, feedback is appreciated! ❤

April 6, 1992

Dave and I came back from our weekend getaway even more head over heels for each other, if that was even possible. Now that our feelings were out in the open, any walls between us just crumbled away, leaving us with one undeniable truth: I was crazy about him, and he felt the same way about me. Life had never felt so simple.

Life had also never felt so damn complicated; come Monday, things took an unexpected turn when Lars unexpectedly dropped by. He showed up at my place bright and early, his usual chill vibe replaced with a hint of worry that had me wondering what was up.

"Hey, Lars. Come on in, I was just munching on some breakfast," I gestured for him to enter, stepping aside. He gave a somewhat tense smile and took a seat at the kitchen table, setting his backpack down. "Hungry? I've got pancakes, orange juice, some fresh sliced watermelon..."

"Just water, thanks. I grabbed a bite earlier," he replied, flashing a quick smile when he noticed my concern.

"If you're all fueled up, what's with the serious face?" I inquired. "Something happened?"

"Actually..." he trailed off. I plopped down at the table, sliding a glass of water his way and pouring myself some juice, giving him a curious glance. "You catch the news today?"

"News?" I furrowed my brow, and Lars let out a sigh, seeming resigned. He unzipped his backpack, pulling out a magazine and passing it over to me. I blinked at him, puzzled, before focusing on the publication.

What I saw left me gaping in disbelief.

The magazine was one of those gossip rags, the kind I never bought because I had never been interested in such stuff. If I didn't expect Lars to read this kind of thing, I certainly didn't expect to see myself on the cover. The photo showed a painfully familiar scene; Dave and I getting off at the airport together the night before, him with an arm around my waist, pulling me close as he whispered something in my ear and I smiled. We both looked happy; happy and at peace, like I hadn't felt in a long time.

The photo didn't take up the whole cover; there was some other Hollywood gossip splashed across it that I barely paid attention to as I zeroed in on the caption beneath my picture with Dave.

SHE’S GOT A TYPE? Get the lowdown on Nore Burton and her new metalhead boyfriend, snapped in LA yesterday, on page 30.

I hurriedly flipped through the magazine, landing on the page mentioned and scanning through it, feeling my face flush hotter with every word.

Lately, there's been a buzz among Hollywood bigwigs and celebs about a fresh face on the scene: Eleanore Burton (27), aka Nore Burton. The actress, with a theater background and gearing up for her small-screen debut, turned heads by snagging the lead in Pacific Coast Television's (PCT) latest romance series, sharing the screen with some seasoned industry pros.

What's not widely known is that the actress is actually cousins with late Metallica bassist, Cliff Burton. And then there's the rollercoaster romance between her and the band's frontman and guitarist, James Hetfield (28). They've been on and off since way before they hit the big time, dabbling with other flings whenever they hit a rough patch.

But what really caught our eye was spotting the actress getting cozy with a new flame: Dave Mustaine (30), infamous for his sharp tongue and ongoing feud with Metallica after getting kicked out of the band in '83. A trusted source confided that they were actually together for a few months earlier that same year, but things fizzled out shortly after Metallica dropped their debut album, Kill 'em All.

It's anyone's guess how James Hetfield feels about his sweetheart's new fling. How's he gonna take the news that she's back in touch with an old flame he's not too keen on? We tried reaching out to Hetfield via Metallica's reps, but no word back yet as of press time.

"They went after him?" I shouted, eyebrows raised, looking at Lars in shock. "Lars, I had no clue about this pic! I..." I shook my head, too stunned to finish.

"Yeah, welcome to the club, babe," Lars quipped, snatching the magazine from me. "Just wait till you need bodyguards for your Bloomingdale's run. Fame's got its downsides, no doubt." He glanced up, frowning. "When were you planning to spill the beans about getting back with Mustaine?"

"I was going to, I swear," I said, feeling a blush creeping up my cheeks. Lars just huffed, giving me an incredulous look. I couldn't blame him for being peeved; maybe I should've looped them in sooner. But I didn’t expect my personal life would become front-page news like that. "Seriously, Lars. Dave and I just reconnected last month, but everything happened so fast..."

"And what about James? Did he get the memo, or did he find out through the grapevine?"

"He knows Dave and I crossed paths again. But..." I paused, feeling a lump form in my throat, my voice trailing off as memories of James' silent treatment flooded back. "He's been avoiding me for weeks. I've called, but no answer. It's like I'm invisible to him," I finished in a mumble, blinking back a lone tear rolling down my cheek.

Lars gazed at me for a beat, then let out a sigh, opening his arms for a hug. I blinked back tears, feeling them well up despite my efforts, and eased myself into his embrace.

"You know you could've spilled this to us, me and Kirk," he said softly. "You could've mentioned James was giving you the silent treatment again. We would've had your back."

"I didn't want to be a burden," I murmured, and he scoffed.

"You're not a burden. We're family; we look out for each other, got it?"

"Thanks," I choked out, my voice thick with emotion, as I stepped back. I straightened up, brushing my hair back and sniffing, wiping away the tears that had slipped down my cheeks. "I... I'll give him a call. And if he doesn't pick up, I'll swing by his place after today's shoot. We gotta talk things out; it ain't cool for him to shut himself off like this."

"You want me to come along?" Lars offered, rising from his seat, and I shook my head no. I'd rather handle this on my own. "Okay; I got some stuff to sort out myself. We're hitting the road soon for a tour, won't be back till August for Lea's wedding. If James pops up, I'll call you, alright? And let him know you're looking to chat."

"Sure thing, Lars," I smiled softly as he clasped my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Appreciate it."

As expected, I couldn't get hold of James; every call went straight to voicemail. I got swept back into my daily grind, a hectic day of non-stop shooting. Word about me and Dave must've spread like wildfire; some colleagues offered sympathetic words, but I also caught plenty of curious looks and hushed chatter whenever I was on set during the day.

I left the studio totally beat; all I craved was getting home, hitting the shower, and crashing out. But, sticking to my morning promise, I made my way to James' place. I stood at the door, debating whether to ring the bell. After a moment, I went for it, but got no response. I fidgeted nervously, wondering if I'd picked a lousy time to drop by; I wasn't even sure he'd be home. I hit the bell again and waited. Just when I was about to bail, James finally swung open the door.

The moment I laid eyes on him, I could tell he wasn't okay; his disheveled hair, creased forehead, and bloodshot eyes gave away recent drinking. He just stood there, staring at me, before stepping aside silently to let me in. I winced at the sight of his living room, a mess that brought back memories of our wild party days back when we were younger; empty beer bottles littered the floor, clothes tossed haphazardly on the couch, and a stack of pizza boxes sitting on the corner table.

"You showed up," James muttered hoarsely, and I turned to him. He gazed at me, a mix of pain and bitterness flashing in his blue eyes, sending a wave of discomfort through me. "Finally remembered I'm alive? Or did your boyfriend not want you around today?"

"James..." I started, my tone a mix of caution and desperation. I wasn't looking for a fight. All I wanted was to talk things out with him. He snorted before heading to the kitchen, and I trailed after him. I watched with worry as he opened the fridge, reaching for a beer. "I... I don't think booze is the answer right now."

"Thanks for the tip, but I'll pass," he smirked, sarcastically. "What brings you here, Nore? Suddenly worried about my feelings now that the whole world knows you're with someone else?"

"James, that's not fair," I said, my voice choking up. "I've been trying to reach out to you for weeks. You've been ignoring my calls, you didn't answer any of my voicemails, and now I'm the one who doesn't care?"

He shot me an annoyed look but stayed silent. I sighed, blinking away the forming tears as I looked away from him, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat. Maybe coming after him wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Lars mentioned you're hitting the road soon. How are you planning to handle that if you're in this state?" I questioned weakly, and he just rolled his eyes.

"And what's it to you?"

"I do care about you, James. Even if you can't see it," I answered, my voice dropping, feeling the weight of his anger. Whenever James got like this, I felt lost, like a ship tossed at sea, struggling to find solid ground but always drifting. It was like he was slipping further away, and I couldn't reel him back in. I couldn't handle it — his distance or the hurt it caused.

"Why'd you go back to him, Nore?" he questioned suddenly, his voice now filled with anguish. "Wasn't I good enough for you?"

"James, please," I implored, taking a step forward, but he shook his head, backing away. "Come on. You know I care about you..."

"Don't say that while I have to watch you happy with him," James snapped. "Really, Nore? Fucking Mustaine? I can handle you seeing other people when we're not good, but did it have to be him ? The one person I know I can't measure up to?"

"James," I begged, my voice catching. "I didn't plan for this. But I can't ignore how I feel. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us. But you don't have to push me away. Please, let me help..."

" Stop it ," he interrupted, his voice sharp and icy. I flinched, holding back tears, feeling a pang of sadness as I watched James' expression turn hostile. "I told you not to come crying to me, didn't I? I don't want to fucking see you, I don't want to hear about your life. I don't know why you still think I give a shit," he snarled, his words laced with venomous anger.

I gaped at him, stunned, my heart pounding painfully in my chest as I watched the realization of what he'd just said sinking in, the hostility melting into regret in his blue eyes. He reached out, but it was too late; the damage was done, my heart shattered, and I knew I couldn't stand to be near James for another second right then, no matter how hard I tried.

As he came closer, I swatted his hand away, tears streaming down my face. I backed off quick, just needing to get away, to put as much space between my pain and James' rising temper as I could, even if that meant widening the gap between us even more.

I got home feeling totally crushed, tears still streaking down my cheeks as I flopped onto the couch with a heavy sigh, and caught sight of the blinking light on the phone, telling me I had messages waiting. I grabbed the phone and held it up to my ear, tapping the button to listen to the voicemails. A faint smile crept onto my face as Dave's voice came through.

Hey, babe. How's it going? Just saw that article they threw out about us. Give me a call, alright?

I let out a sigh. Even though I was feeling pretty down, I knew chatting with Dave would lift my spirits, so I quickly dialed up his number.

"Hey."

"Hi, Dave," I said, trying to put on a smile even though my voice was still a bit wobbly.

"Hey, sweetheart. You alright?" Dave asked, sounding all worried. Of course he'd pick up on my mood instantly; nobody read me like Dave did.

"I..." I let out a sigh; I didn't wanna stress him out, but I also couldn't keep everything that went down with James from him. "No, I'm not," I confessed. "I... I went to see James, Dave. He's not in a good place... We had a huge fight, he said some nasty stuff, and I..."

"It's because of that stupid article, right?" he said, his voice tense. I agreed, and he let out a sigh. "Hey, wanna swing by my place? I don't want you to be alone if you're feeling this bummed out. I'll whip up some dinner for us."

"Wait, you actually know how to cook?" I asked, my genuine curiosity distracting me from my sadness for a moment, and he chuckled softly.

"I'm getting there. Can't survive on fast food forever, you know. But I can always order in if you're not convinced by my culinary skills," he said, and I giggled.

"No need. I'm game to try your cooking. I'll just change and head over there, then."

I showed up at Dave's home not long after, carrying a backpack slung over my shoulder packed with all the stuff I figured I'd need for the next day. When he swung the door open, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.

"Hey," he chuckled softly, running his fingers through my hair. I glanced up, standing on my toes to plant a kiss on his lips. He grinned, his hands cradling my face gently. "C'mon, let's head inside."

I smiled softly when I stepped into Dave's place and noticed the living room, dimly lit and cozy, lit up with just a small lamp while some soft tunes played in the background. Not the usual heavy metal songs I was used to enjoying with him, but instead, a nice, slow piano melody. The dining table was all set with red candles flickering, some spaghetti bolognese, and a bottle of red wine.

Dave snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder, swaying along to the music. I couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. I turned around to wrap my arms around his neck; he slid his hands down to my waist, giving me a light kiss on the lips before resting his forehead against mine.

"A candlelit dinner and some music? You're pulling out all the stops this time, Mustaine," I remarked, and he grinned.

"Just wait 'til you see what I've got planned for after we go to bed."

"You didn't go all out with rose petals and stuff, did you?" I teased, and he chuckled, giving me a tight hug and a light kiss on the lips.

"I'd do anything to see you smile. You know that, right?" he asked, softly.

How could I feel anything but pure joy hearing that? Having Dave back in my life felt like a dream, one that just kept getting sweeter by the day. I could see it in his eyes he meant it, despite all the mess with James, despite all the baggage from my past. He loved me, plain and simple. What more could I ask for?

Instead of answering, I simply leaned in and planted another kiss on his lips.

August 15, 1992

The next few months flew by in a blur. Between my jam-packed schedule and all my commitments, things slowly started shifting. Dave and I made it official, letting everyone know we were back on, and sure, at first, it caused a bit of a stir with the gossip mags and our circle of friends. But soon enough, the novelty wore off, and we got our privacy back.

The moments I spent with him were just something else; every day, our bond got stronger, and I couldn't get enough of Dave - his smile, the feel of his skin on mine, the taste of his kiss, and how his eyes softened whenever they locked with mine.

Dave kept fighting to stay clear of falling back into addiction, even though some days were really tough on him. I did what I could to support him, even if I knew deep down that I couldn't fix everything. But Dave always made sure to let me know that just having me around made things a whole lot easier.

Having him around definitely helped ease my load too; getting back with Dave kind of lifted some of the heaviness I'd been carrying around for the past few years. Sure, I knew I'd always have to deal with the sadness that came with losing Cliff. But the pain of having lost Dave in the past bit by bit was slowly being replaced by love - real, deep love that filled up my chest almost entirely.

Almost entirely, except for the part that still hurt because of my messed-up relationship with James. We'd been in this complicated dance for a few years now, but lately, he'd been more distant than ever. I mean, I get it, being a big-time artist, time works a bit differently, right? It wasn’t unusual for us to go ages without seeing each other when the band was out on their never-ending tours, but usually, we'd at least keep some kind of contact going.

But lately, it felt like he was going out of his way to steer clear of me, and honestly, I wasn't really feeling the urge to patch things up after the nasty stuff he'd flung my way last time we talked. I'd still give Lars and Kirk quick calls to check in on them every now and then, but I made sure to steer clear of bringing up James, and they didn't mention him either.

I figured I'd bump into him sooner or later. I mean, with Leanne's wedding creeping up, it was bound to happen. Lea and Joe had settled on tying the knot down in New Orleans and had snagged a whole hotel to fit everyone in. I caught up with them the day before the big party, when they swung by to greet us at the airport and give us a ride to the hotel.

The moment I laid eyes on Lea, a huge smile spread across my face; she was just like I remembered her, with her dark locks and sparkly eyes, but I couldn't help but do a double-take at the little bump showing she was expecting. As for Lea, she didn't seem at all shocked to see Dave tagging along with me for the event. Despite the miles between us, Leanne and I always made sure to keep each other in the loop about what was going on in our lives.

"You’re pregnant? " I blurted out, all wide-eyed and grinning as she pulled me into a hug. She laughed.

"Yeah, I am! Joe and I were just as shocked, believe me. I'm at 19 weeks... Oh, sorry, that's like 4 months, right? I didn't spill the beans sooner 'cause I wanted to tell you face-to-face."

"Wow, Lea. That's amazing news, congrats!" I gushed, beaming at her, and she beamed right back.

Man, I was beyond thrilled for her. Even though Leanne and I hadn't been as close lately, I still saw her as one of my ride-or-die besties, and I knew she felt the same way. Losing Cliff had changed a lot of stuff, but it didn't touch the bond we had. Seeing her all glowing and living her best life, well, it warmed my heart more than words could say.

Dave and I tagged along with Leanne to the airport parking lot, and there was Joe, leaning against the car, waiting for us. His face lit up with a smile when he spotted us. While Leanne hadn't changed much, Joe was a whole new dude compared to the long-haired blondie I knew back in my San Francisco days. These days, he kept his hair super short, almost buzzed, and sported a full beard. But that friendly grin of his was still exactly the same.

"Hey, Nore, Dave! Been ages!" he said, giving us a hug before unlocking the car. "How've you been? Pumped for the party?"

"I'm counting down the minutes," I grinned, and Leanne let out a soft chuckle. "But you two must be over the moon, right? Tomorrow's your big day!"

"Oh, you have no idea," Leanne said, all hyped up. "We've been waiting for this forever, and now that it's finally happening, it's like pinch-me-I'm-dreaming territory."

We pulled up at the hotel before we knew it. Dave and I gave Leanne and Joe a big thanks for the lift, then headed inside to check-in and crash for a bit. I mean, the next day was gonna be huge. Finally, we made it to our room, and I let out a sigh of relief, humming a little as I started unpacking. Dave glanced over at me, a small smile playing on his lips.

"You're looking pretty happy," he observed, moving in closer and resting a hand on my waist. I let out a soft chuckle as he planted a kiss on my cheek, his lips brushing lightly against my skin before meeting mine. "I love seeing you like this."

"Isn't it crazy that Lea's gonna have a baby? That's awesome," I remarked, grinning. Dave chuckled softly, pulling me into a hug before his lips found mine once more. I let out a contented sigh as he gently gripped my hips, drawing me closer.

"You ever thought about having one?" he murmured, his voice low and a hint of a smile on his lips as he leaned in close to my ear. I pulled back a bit, feeling a blush creep up on my cheeks as I looked at him, surprised. "We could have a little one someday. You know, down the road. Or two. Or ten ."

"How'd we jump from two to ten?" I giggled, and he let out a big laugh.

"Just throwing it out there. If you want, I’d love to have a future with you."

Those words from Dave kept swirling around in my head all night, even after we'd settled into bed. Ever since Cliff had passed, I'd been steering clear of making any big plans for the future. Losing him had hit me hard, wrecking any dreams I used to have. For a while, I’d just let life happen, rolling with the punches as they came. I was so, so terrified of hoping for anything and ending up crushed and broken again. But with Dave by my side, everything felt different, like the world was painted in brighter colors. Was it okay to start thinking about a future where we wouldn't ever have to be distant again? Was it okay to start thinking about a future with him?

A future with him. Just the thought made my stomach tie up in knots, all tangled up with the fear that it could all go south one day. But deep down, I knew I craved it with every fiber of my being.

Maybe I wasn't exactly brimming with courage right then, but one thing I knew for sure: for as long as I lived, I never wanted to be apart from Dave again.

August 16, 1992

Leanne's wedding ceremony was short and sweet, but emotional. I'll admit, I got a bit teary-eyed watching her stroll down that aisle, all choked up with happy tears but still beaming. On the downside, being a bridesmaid meant I couldn't shake the feeling of James' eyes on me the whole time. Him, Lars, and Kirk were all groomsmen at the wedding too.

James and I had crossed paths real quick at the hotel during breakfast, but it was like we were total strangers. Not a single word passed between us. Maybe I was being a bit stubborn, but after the nasty stuff he'd flung at me months back, I wasn't about to be the one to make the first move and patch things up.

The wedding’s reception kicked off pretty quickly, held at a beautiful historical mansion not far from our hotel. I snagged a seat at the table set aside for me, Dave, and a bunch of other folks while he headed off to grab some food. I glanced up with a grin when I noticed a familiar face plop down beside me.

"Hey, Kirk," I greeted, and he flashed me a warm smile.

"Hey, Nore! Finally tracked you down. So, I noticed Lea moved you to a different table... Is it 'cause you and James had a spat or 'cause your boyfriend's not our biggest fan?" he quipped, and I chuckled.

"Maybe a bit of both. But don't sweat it, Dave won't mind me hanging with you guys. As for James..." I let out a sigh. "How's he holding up?"

Kirk grimaced.

"The usual drill, ya know. Him and Lars got into it like three times on the tour... Lars keeps pushing him to hit up rehab, but James insists he’s good," he sighed, then flashed a grin. "Sorry 'bout the tiff you guys had. But he'll bounce back, trust me."

"I know. It's just frustrating when you wanna lend a hand but the other person isn’t having it," I admitted with a sigh, then glanced up as Dave strolled over with two plates of food. "Red alert, Dave's on the scene," I joked, and Kirk chuckled before standing up.

"I'll bail for now. Don't wanna ruffle your boyfriend's feathers too much. We'll chat later, Nore."

I flashed Kirk a smile as he headed off to join Lars and James at their table. Heat rushed to my cheeks when I sensed James looking my way, so I quickly turned my attention to Dave.

"Brought food," Dave grinned, sliding a plate in front of me before settling down beside me. "So, what was up with Hammett?"

"Just chatting. You know we haven’t seen each other in a while," I answered, a small smile playing on my lips. He scoffed, rolling his eyes, but didn't seem too bothered. "Jealous, much?" I teased.

"No need for jealousy, sweetheart. I know you're madly in love with me," he grinned, and I playfully nudged his arm, chuckling.

We wrapped up our meal, happily chatting the whole time. Once dinner was done, a sweet tune started playing, and I couldn't help but grin as I watched Leanne and Joe twirling around the dance floor. Leanne looked stunning in her fancy dress, her hair all dolled up with twinkling little gems. Joe looked like he was on cloud nine, beaming at her like she’d hung the moon. I felt Dave slide an arm around my waist, planting a soft kiss on my temple, and I melted into his embrace.

The party flowed like honey, with drinks pouring freely, mouthwatering meals, and catching up with old friends. Leanne had rounded up a bunch of folks from our San Francisco days, so mingling was easy. Dave and I bounced around, shooting the breeze with different faces, and as the booze kicked in, things got looser. I ended up deep in conversation with Lars at one point, while Dave snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I couldn't help but chuckle at how unexpected and unlikely the moment felt.

The only person I hardly even crossed paths with was James. I mean, there was this one time when I was heading back from the bathroom and accidentally plowed right into him. He caught me, his hands gripping my shoulders tight, and I couldn't help but blush when I looked up and saw it was him. I took a step back, my face probably as red as a tomato, while he just stood there, all serious, not saying a word.

"What?" I snapped, my voice a bit sharper than I meant it to be. He just kept on staring at me, like he was trying to figure out what to say, but I wasn't in the mood to hash things out with him. I spun on my heel and headed back to Dave, who was busy grabbing us a couple of drinks at the bar.

“Hey, babe. You good?" Dave asked, passing me a glass filled with a drink. I took a sip and nodded, shooting a quick glance over at James, who was still eyeing me from afar. We locked eyes for a sec, both of us clearly ticked off, until Dave caught on and followed my gaze. He frowned, grabbing my hand. "C'mon, let's go somewhere else."

I tore my gaze away from James, ditching my drink on some random table as I trailed after Dave, feeling kinda intrigued. The way Dave's shoulders tensed up told me he wasn't exactly thrilled about the silent stare-down I just had with James.

He led me through the mansion's hall and out the back door, where we found ourselves in a huge, empty garden since most of the guests were still inside. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was up to, as he guided me to a secluded spot in the garden. My eyes widened in surprise when he pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me before planting a harsh kiss on my lips.

"What's the deal with you and James?" he growled, catching me off guard with the intensity in his voice.

"Dave, it’s nothing," I murmured, but he just grunted in response, kissing me again with a bit too much force, his tongue pushing into my mouth without any of the usual gentleness. I let out a little moan, taken aback, gripping onto his arms as his hold on my waist tightened.

"He's been eyeing you all night, and now you can't seem to take your eyes off him," he murmured, giving my lip a light nip as he backed me against the wall. He slid one knee between my legs and his hand rested lightly on my neck. "You gonna clue me in on why you're giving him all this attention?"

"He's just being a jerk. I'm not giving him the time of day, I... Oh!" I gasped when Dave spun me around, pressing my back against him and pulling me close, letting me feel his hard-on as he started kissing my neck. "Dave, hold on, you're drunk..."

"And what if I am? You are too," he grunted, but eased up on his hold a bit. His lips, however, kept on working their magic on my skin, planting soft kisses that sent shivers down my spine. "What's wrong? You wanna go back to him?"

"It's not that," I murmured, daring to turn to face him again. Dave looked at me, his eyes filled with turmoil as I gripped onto his arms, feeling my heart pounding and my cheeks heating up. "I want you, Dave," I declared, reaching up to his face and wiping away the lipstick that had smeared from my lips to his. He grunted, grabbing my wrist before pressing me back against the wall, his lips finding my neck once more as he nibbled and sucked gently. I let out a little moan, caught off guard, closing my eyes. "Dave..."

"If I make it crystal clear to everyone that you're mine, will that jerk finally back off?" he growled, nipping at my neck again in a way that I knew would leave a mark. I gasped, clutching onto his shirt and shutting my eyes. "You know I'm planning to fuck you stupid all night long, right?"

"Hmm... Dave, please..." I begged, not entirely sure if I wanted him to stop or to keep going. He grunted, but pulled back, leaving me with one last kiss on my neck before stepping away, his cheeks flushed and his gaze burning with intensity.

"We should head back," he suggested, his voice low and husky, his fingers intertwining with mine. I nodded, my heart still pounding, feeling a jolt of electricity shoot through me at his touch.

We made our way back to the party; Dave and I ducked into the bathrooms to freshen up before rejoining the crowd. I blushed when I caught sight of myself in the mirror: flushed cheeks, smudged lipstick, hair slightly tousled, and two distinct red marks on my neck's smooth skin. I did my best to fix my hair and makeup, dabbing at the hickeys with cold water in a vain attempt to reduce the bruises that I knew would linger for days.

I headed to the bar, grabbing a glass of water to cool down. I glanced around, searching for Dave, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he hadn’t left the bathroom yet. I settled at a table with a sigh, my heart still fluttering a bit.

"Your guy's a bit possessive, huh?" a voice chimed in, and I glanced up to see James with that familiar smirk on his face, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief and bitterness.

"After all this time, that's your opening line?" I shot back, my tone icy. He took a seat beside me, his gaze fixating on the marks on my neck. His fingers traced the edges of the redness softly, sending a shiver down my spine.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he muttered, "You love having him under your spell. And me too," he added, lifting his gaze to meet mine, his eyes flickering with anger and something else, a mix of emotions I couldn't quite pin down, but definitely edged with desire.

"You're not even gonna say sorry? Just gonna stay there spewing out this nonsense?" I shot back, aiming for hostility but only managing to sound wounded. He scoffed, leaning in closer, his lips pressing against the bruises, kissing and biting them softly before he murmured against my skin:

"I'm sorry." Then he straightened up, leaving me stunned, heart racing and face flushed as I watched him walk away without a backward glance.

After the party wrapped up, Dave and I hopped in a taxi back to the hotel. We were quiet on the ride, his fingertips tracing little circles on my inner thigh, sending shivers up my spine. Once we got to our room, I headed to the bathroom, flicking on the tap to start filling the bathtub while Dave took his clothes off. Leaning against the door frame, I watched him kick off his shoes, feeling the buzz from the drinks at the party making me even more eager to pick up where we’d left off with that kiss.

"Are you hopping in the bath with me?" I asked, shooting Dave a coy smile as he loosened his tie. He smiled back and walked over, wrapping his arms around my waist and planting a soft kiss on my lips, while his hand fumbled for the zipper of my dress.

He paused when we heard knocks on the door. I frowned, wondering if it could be hotel staff or something. Dave sighed, annoyed, as the knocking continued.

"Better shut off the tap before we flood the room," he remarked, and I chuckled softly. "Let me handle this while you do it."

I headed into the bathroom, shutting off the tap as I listened to Dave dealing with whoever was at the door. I perked up, intrigued, when I heard a familiar voice followed by Dave's tense and irritated tone:

"You've got some guts showing up here, huh?"

I furrowed my brow, puzzled, and went back to the room, my jaw dropped in confusion when I spotted James at the door, locking eyes with Dave in a standoff.

"James?" I blurted out, taken aback, and both men turned to look at me, frustration and anger etched on both their faces. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He eyed me for a beat, tension thickening as Dave's gaze drilled into him. It was like mixing gasoline with a lit match; all of us were already worked up and intoxicated after a night of partying, and James clearly had some bones to pick with both Dave and me. James made a move to step into the room, but Dave cut him off, blocking the entrance with his arm.

"She asked you a fucking question," Dave growled, and James finally glanced at him, a sarcastic smirk creeping onto his lips.

"I came here to talk to her, not to you," James slurred, his voice thick with alcohol. Dave looked ready to snap, his free hand balling into a fist.

"Dave," I stepped in, grabbing his arm and easing it down. He turned to me, and I placed my hand on his chest. "It's alright. Let him in."

Dave sighed heavily but reluctantly moved aside, his face tight with tension, his eyes burning with anger and his lips pressed into a thin line.

"You're like her little lapdog, aren't you? Whatever she wants, you jump, just to keep her happy," James remarked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. I shot him a disapproving look, furrowing my brow, but before I could respond, Dave interrupted with a growl:

"And what about you, huh? You're here to grovel for her forgiveness?" Dave stepped forward, confronting James with a challenging glare. I glanced nervously between them, reaching out to touch Dave's arm in a futile attempt to calm him, but he shrugged me off. "I see the way you look at her, Hetfield. You think I don't notice? You're pathetic."

"That's the crux of it, isn't it?" James snarled. "You and I, we're cut from the same cloth. We both crave her love, her attention, hoping we'll be the lucky one she picks in this messed-up game."

"Except she already chose me," Dave shot back. "Game over. And you know I don't like sharing what's mine."

"Maybe you guys should give it a shot," I blurted out, without really thinking, eager to diffuse the tension between them, but instantly regretting it. Dave and James both turned to look at me, wearing expressions of disbelief, while I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Um... I just meant..."

"Try sharing you?" Dave chuckled, as if what I’d said was totally nonsensical. I blushed when he gently lifted my chin with his hand, locking eyes with me as he leaned in close, his words a soft whisper, "You don't even know what you're asking for, do you, sweetheart?"

"I just don't want you guys fighting," I murmured, pleadingly. "Please, Dave. You know I care about both of you."

James chuckled, shifting our focus away from each other. Leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, he had that same intense look in his eyes as when we’d talked earlier — anger, jealousy, and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on at first, but then recognized: longing.

"You always play nice with everyone and it drives me fucking crazy," he remarked, moving closer and closing the door behind him. My heart raced as his hand trailed down my neck to collarbone, all while Dave kept a close eye on him. "There's no escaping this, Nore. Choosing one means hurting the other. And he's got a point." James shot a glance at Dave, who raised an eyebrow. "I'm not exactly great at sharing what's mine either. You know you can't have us both, right?"

"I know. But I don't wanna lose either of you," I admitted, feeling my cheeks heat up as James came closer with a growl, planting his lips on mine. I gasped in surprise, and he seized the moment to slip his tongue into my mouth, his hands firm on my waist. I let out a soft moan as I felt Dave's lips on my neck, planting slow kisses until he reached my ear.

"You sure about this?" he questioned, and I nodded, shutting my eyes and yielding to James' kiss, eliciting a soft growl from him as I tangled my fingers in his hair. "Didn't know you were this greedy, babe," Dave murmured, but he didn't seem upset, more like amused.

Was this really happening? It was hard to wrap my head around it, hard to think straight as the lips of the two men I loved roamed over my mouth, my neck, my skin, igniting sensations that made my whole body tingle. Dave's fingers deftly unzipped my dress.

"Talk to me," James whispered in my ear, and I shut my eyes, my lips parting slightly as I exhaled, Dave still planting kisses on my neck as he eased down my dress. "Tell me you want this, I gotta hear it from you."

"Please, I want both of you," I breathed out, and Dave tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me snug against his body while James teased my earlobe.

I let out a sigh as Dave tilted my head, locking his lips with mine, our tongues moving together while James worked on unclasping my bra and took a nipple into his mouth, giving it a playful nip before leaving small hickeys all over my soft skin. I couldn't help but moan, the sensations overwhelming me. I was completely lost in the moment, swept away by the touch of both of them. It was beyond anything I'd ever dared to dream.

James backed off a bit, his hands resting gently on my hips while Dave went back to peppering my neck with kisses, his hardness pressed against my butt. I stole a glance at James, noticing his distant gaze and flushed cheeks as he watched me, his fingers tracing my cheek softly.

"How do you pull it off? You're still perfect even when you're messing with my head," James muttered, and Dave snarled softly, leaning his head on my shoulder, their eyes locking for a moment. James' expression was hard, revealing a blend of frustration and reluctant acceptance.

"Why do you think I'm crazy about her?" Dave murmured, his lips trailing from my neck up to my jawline in a slow, deliberate path.

I sighed, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks as I sensed a kind of understanding forming between the three of us, albeit slowly; Dave and James were like two sides of the same coin, always had been, brothers of fire and anger even before all their pain had driven them apart. Was it such a shocker that they'd both end up falling for the same woman? Was it such a surprise that I'd end up loving them both?

Maybe we always knew it would eventually lead to this. Maybe we’d all been waiting for this moment, a collision of stars, like waves crashing on the shore on a rainy day. It was dangerous, but exhilarating — so much so that I almost wished we wouldn't cross this line, because I knew I could never come back.

But, at least from now, it seemed good enough to be worth it.

James took a step back, loosening his shirt’s buttons and slipping it off gradually, working on undoing his pants next. I watched him, feeling a shiver run down my spine as Dave's hands caressed my breasts softly. I let out a sigh as James came closer, and reached out, my fingers tracing the edge of his underwear slowly. James grunted, grabbing my hand on his and pressing it against the outline of his erection.

"No way," Dave grunted, clutching my wrist tightly, while James arched an eyebrow. "She's mine first. You can watch," he declared, and James chuckled, rolling his eyes with a smirk. Dave wrapped his arm around my waist, pivoting me to face him, and planted a slow kiss on my lips as I unfastened his shirt.

"Is this your way of proving I'm yours?" I whispered, and he grunted against my lips. "By fucking me in front of him?"

Dave didn't say a word; he guided me to the bed, laying me down and sliding off my panties before undoing his pants and lowering them. James joined us on the bed, shedding his underwear and stretching out, placing my head on his thigh and tenderly running his fingers through my hair, his gaze fixed on my face as he caressed it. Dave finished stripping, then climbed on top of me; I shut my eyes, letting out a soft moan as he pushed into me and I felt him spread me open. James let out a low, rough sound, leisurely stroking my hair. When I looked at him, I saw he held his hard cock in his hand, jerking it softly.

I shifted my gaze to Dave, who kissed me slowly, his intense hazel eyes serious as he pushed into me. His lips moved against mine, his tongue intertwining with mine as he thrust forcefully. I let out soft moans against his mouth, tears brimming in my eyes from the pleasure of feeling him inside me.

"Dave…" I whispered, and he groaned, pulling me close, our gazes locking in a heated embrace.

I wrapped my legs around his hips, urging him to go deeper, gripping his hair tightly. James growled, tilting my face up and guiding his cock to my lips. I eagerly opened my mouth, taking him in, and he moaned softly. Dave kissed my neck, sucking on the tender skin, leaving even more bruises that sent shivers down my spine, but I didn't mind. In that moment, all I could focus on was the sensation of James and Dave, both of them, with me, together.

"Fuck," Dave whispered in my ear, his actions growing more fervent. "If I knew it felt this good to have you with an audience, I would've suggested it ages ago."

"If I knew you'd be into it, I would've brought it up sooner," I whispered back, stroking James' cock slowly with my hand and sighing when Dave started to massage my clit with his fingertips. I moaned, gripping him tightly, and he shut his eyes, thrusting into me with more vigor.

"You're almost there, aren't you?" Dave whispered, and I nodded, unable to form words. James gently brushed away the tears of ecstasy that welled in my eyes, his touch so tender it sent shivers down my spine. I took him back into my mouth, and he let out a soft groan, moving slowly as I continued to pleasure him.

I let out a long, satisfied moan, tightening around Dave as waves of pleasure washed over me, leaving me trembling and breathless. Dave groaned, his face buried in my neck as he reached his own climax, his release flooding into me with a low grunt.

Taking a moment to catch my breath, I pulled James out of my mouth, my lips meeting Dave’s as he shifted beside me. He brushed the hair away from my face, planting gentle kisses along my neck and shoulders as I took James back in my mouth, meeting his gaze with a mixture of desire and satisfaction.

James tangled his fingers in my hair, guiding my movements as his hips rocked gently. His flushed face and parted lips revealed his arousal as I worked my tongue, eliciting soft sighs from him. Meanwhile, Dave's kisses grew more fervent, his hand trailing down to where my body was still slick with our fluids. His touch on my already overstimulated clit made me shiver, and I couldn't help but moan in response. James then bucked his hips forward with a moan, tightening his grip on my head, his release filling my mouth with a warmth that sent a thrill through me.

"Good girl," Dave murmured approvingly as James pulled away from my mouth, running a finger along my slightly swollen lips. I swallowed, feeling a rush of warmth and satisfaction. I turned to Dave, and he leaned in, planting slow kisses along my jawline. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment, but Dave gently cupped my face, urging me to look at him. "Don't shut your eyes, sweetheart," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. "We're not done with you yet."

I nodded, feeling my cheeks flush and my heart beat faster as Dave shifted away and James pulled me onto his lap, my legs wrapping around his hips as I sensed him growing hard once more. Dave let out a sigh, positioning himself behind me, his hands firmly on my waist providing support as he nibbled on my earlobe. I closed my eyes, nestling my face into James' neck and wrapping my arms around it as Dave raised my hips, allowing James to enter me with deliberate slowness.

This was gonna be a long, long night.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9 @twice360noscope @ilovepapahet @decemberm0on

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allmoshnobrain · 1 month

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𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫: 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 03 of 06 | masterpost

word count: 4,7k | ao3 link | fic's playlist

"C’mere," he whispered, and I nodded quickly, sitting beside him on the couch. I sighed, glancing down at my hands, fidgeting nervously with my fingers. With him right there, I was all over the place, unsure of what to do with myself. My heart fluttered when he reached out, placing his hand on mine, and I felt my cheeks flush as I looked up and noticed just how close he was. "You wanted to chat, right?"

✦ on this chapter: james hetfield x female!oc, dave mustaine x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, grief, pov change

✦ a/n: New chapter's here! First of all, I might not be able to update the next part on Monday. I'm halfway through writing it, but my days have been crazy busy, so it might take me a bit longer to wrap it up. But I swear, as soon as it's ready, I'll get it posted! This chapter is really special to me because we're diving into Dave's POV; I put a lot of heart into capturing his feelings just right, so I hope you guys like it. Feedback is welcome, thanks for reading! 🖤

✧ In terms of love, sunflowers symbolize pure and steadfast love, like Clytie who constantly gazed at Apollo. Therefore, giving someone a sunflower means telling them: “my love for you will be constant, and unchanged, like how the sunflower always faces the sun”. ✧

February 20, 1992

I sighed nervously, wringing my hands as I paced back and forth in my home's living room. After getting back in touch with Dave, we’d decided to meet up and have a chat about everything — the past, the present, and maybe the future. I didn't know what to make of his sudden reappearance in my life, unsure how it might shake up all the delicate balance I'd been trying to maintain lately. I’d left a message on James' voicemail the day before, filling him in on our reunion and our plans to catch up. Figured James should hear it straight from me, especially since he was the one who helped me hunt down Dave back in the day, spending months on end trying to track him down.

Now, though, it wasn't James occupying my thoughts, but Dave. I studied myself in the mirror; decked out in a cute dress, my cheeks flushed, my eyes gleaming with anticipation like they hadn't in ages. I'd even indulged in a touch of red lipstick, which now seemed a bit too much as I battled my nerves. Did I really care that much about whether he found me pretty?

I felt kind of silly, to be honest. But deep down, I knew I wanted to see him. I wanted to hear his voice again. Our call the day before had been brief, just a few hesitant words passing between us before I realized that talking on the phone wasn't cutting it. I needed to see him face-to-face, even if it was just to put a final chapter on our story once and for all.

I couldn't help but gasp with surprise when the doorbell chimed, my heart leaping into overdrive as a blush crept up my cheeks. Rushing to the door, I swung it open, my smile widening as I met Dave's gaze, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands. He didn't even seem real, a vision straight out of a dream, his ginger hair catching the sunlight, his eyes filled with a mix of anticipation and apprehension. It was everything I’d ever wanted, seeing him again like this, as if all my dreams were being handed to me on a silver platter.

"You’re here," I murmured dumbly, which earned a soft chuckle from him.

"Hey. Of course I am," he said, handing me the bouquet of sunflowers. I blushed as I accepted them, a delighted grin stubbornly forming on my lips. "These are for you."

"Oh, thanks, Dave," I replied, trying to contain the urge to throw myself into his arms right then and there. It seemed Dave was grappling with a similar hesitation; he reached out, lifting my chin, his thumb tracing my cheek. I sighed, feeling my heart kick up a notch. "So... you wanna come in?"

We stepped into my place; Dave plopped down on one of the couches in the living room while I scurried off to find a vase for the flowers. I rummaged through the kitchen cabinets and found one, filling it with water in a hurry. Carrying it back to the living room, I set it on a small table near the window. Turning back to Dave, I caught his calm smile, feeling the weight of all the unsaid words hanging in the air between us.

"I... Yeah," I murmured, then sighed, trying to calm myself. "Dave... Last time we were together... The day you ended things with me..." I hesitated, seeing a storm of sadness and hurt stirring in his eyes, but he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, urging me to continue. "That day... it was a mess. Most of it was my fault, but... I swear, Dave, I didn't cheat on you with James. I..." I struggled to keep going, feeling the weight of old wounds reopening, tears threatening to spill over and choking my voice. "Please," I finally choked out, my voice barely above a whisper. "Please, believe me. I can explain everything, I..."

I couldn’t keep talking; suddenly, the doorbell rang. I jumped, glancing nervously at Dave as the sound repeated.

"You should get that," Dave said, offering me a faint smile, though tension still lingered in the air. I nodded anxiously, making my way to the door.

I swung the door open, and there stood James.

"James?" I blinked, tension gripping my body. "What are you..."

"I got your voicemail. Where is he?" he growled, seizing me by the shoulders and shoving me aside before I could answer. Oh no, I thought, trailing after him into the house. He marched in with long, heavy strides, heading straight for the living room where he found Dave, who rose to his feet at the sight of him, a tempest brewing in his hazel eyes. "You!" James bellowed. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"James, chill!" I clutched his arm, meeting his eyes with a mix of exasperation and pleading. "We're just having a conversation. I told you we agreed to talk!"

"So now you have to report every move to him?" Dave shot back, his brow furrowing at me.

"Take a look in the mirror, man. Like you weren't a control freak when you two were together. You think I don't know you guys fought every time Nore wanted to see us?" James snapped, and Dave's jaw tightened, his fists clenching at his sides.

"I ain't here to chat with you, Hetfield. It's best if you bounce," he growled, his tone carrying a hint of threat. I glanced between James and Dave, my pulse quickening. Oh no, not this again.

James chuckled, dripping with sarcasm.

"Ain't here to chat with you either, Mustaine. But you've got some serious nerve rolling up here after all the crap you pulled. You don't get to waltz back into her life like nothing happened. Like you didn't hurt her."

I gawked at James, my eyes widening in surprise. So, that's why he'd shown up? To defend me? All along, I figured if I crossed paths with Dave again, he'd be stoked for me, b ut clearly, that wasn't the case.

"Funny," Dave shot back, a wry smirk curling his lips. "Real funny, coming from you. Like you and Lars didn't pull the shit you did on me. Like you weren't trying to steal her from me from the start. You reckon I didn't catch the way you looked at her?"

"Well, in the end, I came out on top, didn't I?" James edged closer, his tone dripping with venomous irony. "I got the band, and I got the girl. What about you?"

"James, knock it off!" I interjected, and both of them swung their gazes towards me, as if just remembering I was there. "Did you forget Dave's here 'cause I invited him? I wanted to sort things out with him, alright? Lay off him!"

James arched an eyebrow, clearly taken aback and a bit peeved by my response. I held his gaze, my cheeks flushing under Dave's watchful eyes, but I refused to break eye contact with James, a silent exchange playing out between us. He eventually rolled his eyes and made his way to the door.

"Ugh," I grumbled, frustrated, trailing after him. "James, come on!"

"What the fuck, Nore!" he exclaimed, wheeling around, and I instinctively took a step back. "What the fuck were you thinking, inviting this guy over?"

"I already told you I needed to talk to him! James, he deserves to know the truth. It's not right for him to keep believing I did him dirty like that..."

"That was ages ago. Why's it such a big deal now?"

"Of course it's a big deal! And what you and the guys did, booting him out of the band, matters too. You should at least say you're sorry..."

"Here you go again, sticking up for him like he didn't fuck up," James growled, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me! All these years, I've done nothing but love and protect you. He fucking left you! He left you high and dry, then went around bad-mouthing you to everyone without even considering your feelings, without even giving you a chance to explain. Did you ever think that you could've set things straight ages ago if he'd stopped to listen? You shouldn't even give him the time of day, Nore."

"James, we were kids ," I said, my voice quieter now , trying to bring some calm to the heated moment, trying to make him understand. "I messed up plenty too. You cheated on your girlfriend to be with me. We're no saints here, okay?"

"Well, if you think this guy is here to just patch things up and be buddies afterwards, you're dead wrong, alright? Dead wrong, and you know it. Bet he's still sore about losing you, because if he's not over getting booted from the band, would he really be over that?"

"And why does that even matter? This isn't about him moving on from me or not, it's about us making things right..."

"Yeah, well, I don’t give a shit about making things right with him."

"And that's the fucking problem!" I exclaimed, frustrated. "There was a time when you'd get why this means so much to me. There was a time when you'd want me to do what makes me happy! So either you were bullshitting me or you've changed so much that you just don't give a damn anymore. Honestly, I don't know which is worse."

James stared at me for a moment, hurt and shock in his gaze, the same old hurt that always resurfaced between us — the hurt of not being able to understand each other anymore. He sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingertips as he closed his eyes.

"What happened between us and him is in the past," he growled. "I don't need to keep going over that, and I sure as hell don't owe him an apology. If you feel like you do... Don't come crying to me when he screws you over again."

"James..." I started, reaching out to grab his hand, but it was too late. He shook his head, pulling away, and stormed off, hopping into his car and slamming the door shut before speeding off. I watched him leave, my heart pounding as tears welled up in my eyes, wondering if I'd ever find a way to make things right with both Dave and James without causing even more hurt along the way.

☆

I've never been one to let things slide easily.

Holding onto grudges was kind of my thing. In a world that had kicked me and spat on my face since day one, anger had been my go-to move, sword and shield rolled into one, keeping me safe from the emptiness that always lurked.

Sometimes I'd been pretty good at channeling that anger into something productive, but other times? Well, let's just say it was a rocky ride. It was like walking a tightrope, flirting with self-destruction, and usually, things didn't end well — not for me, and definitely not for the people around me.

Grudges kept me on my toes. They kept me sharp. Couldn't forget, couldn't let myself get fooled again by someone who'd already done me wrong. And I was cool with that, like a ticking time bomb kind of cool, until I thought I found someone who got me. Someone who could put out the flames, show me the softer side of life, the morning sun's warmth instead of the heat of a fire.

She had always been my Achilles' heel.

We were lost children, lost in the haze of our youth, drowning our sorrows in booze, trying to escape everything that hurt us. I started falling for her then, in a simple way, because she was like me, yet she was good. Kind in a way that baffled me, that I couldn't wrap my head around. How could she see so much good in me when I couldn't even see it myself? How could she trust me so completely, with a trust that scared the hell out of me because I wasn't used to that kind of tenderness, that kind of affection?

Before I knew it, my love had turned into devotion. A devotion so deep it mingled with the marrow of my bones, making me stronger and weaker in equal measure. ‘Cause when I lost everything but her, the fear that she might be next only drove us apart.

Eleanore. Eleanore. Nore.

It wasn't a walk in the park to forget her after it all went south. For the longest time, I wanted to forget her, to despise her just like I did with Lars and James for booting me out of Metallica. After some time, it became a piece of cake to act like I didn't give a shit, that I was better off without her, that I was over her and ready to move on, diving into other kisses, other lovers. Drowning myself in whatever substance I could find, anything to drown out the hollow feeling inside.

But without her shining light, I was adrift.

As weeks turned into months and months into years, my fury toward her slowly simmered down enough for me to see that what I felt wasn't anger, but love. A love wounded and raw, twisting my heart in an endless pit. I longed for her, but it was too late; it wasn't rocket science to figure out that she and James were living the dream of a perfect relationship while folks seemed to get a kick out of keeping me posted on every move Metallica made without me. And I tried to sell myself the story that it was for the best; that if she’d left me, it was better for her to be with someone who truly lit up her world. That I wasn't, and had never been, good enough, worthy enough of her love.

And to add insult to injury, it's not like I didn't have my own demons to wrestle with. As the years rolled on, my reliance on any and all substances that could numb me from reality grew worse by the day, until it reached a breaking point. My first go-round in rehab fell short; I found myself making repeat visits to those gloomy facilities more times than I could tally up. And all along, I was just searching for something, anything, to reassure me that I was headed in the right direction. Something that could pull me back from the brink, something that could save me.

And then I found her.

As fleeting as our reunion had been, it was enough to shatter any facade of normalcy I had managed to cobble together. Because deep down, I knew that after laying eyes on her again, I couldn't live with myself if I let the opportunity to reconnect slip through my fingers. It was like her presence had wiped away all the pent-up anger I harbored inside. But beneath that anger lurked pain and fear. After all, hadn't she chosen James over me in the end? How could her reappearance not feel like a mirage, especially when she had once shown me the purest, most sincere form of love, only to snatch it away and make me believe I didn't deserve any of it?

That I didn't deserve her. And that she was worthy of something better.

When she asked to meet up to discuss the past, I couldn't bring myself to refuse. How could I deny her anything? And there I was, the Dave Mustaine, known for my sarcasm, anger, and aggression, completely bending to the whims of a woman. But not just any woman.

Her.

I found myself buying her flowers and eagerly anticipating our meeting like some lovesick teenager. Not because I was after a quick fuck or a girl dazzled by my wealth and fame, but simply because it was her. And God knows how when she was around, it was like everything else faded into the background. I dared to hope that her sudden reappearance in my life, after so much pain, emptiness, and longing, was a sign that good things were on the horizon.

But life's never that simple, is it?

Then James showed up, with his anger, arrogance, and disdain. My heart sank as I watched the intimate exchange between them, even in the midst of a fight. The silent communication in their glances held the weight of years of companionship, two souls deeply entwined on the same journey. And I couldn't help but envy James because he knew a side of her that I no longer did. He had stolen it from me, something I’d lost when I was deceived and betrayed by those I once considered my family.

But as I listened to their argument, and her desperate pleas for him to understand that all she wanted was to make things right and explain herself, I couldn't help but remember one of the things that had made me fall head over heels in love with her in the first place: her unwavering loyalty, always ready to defend those she cared about, the same loyalty that had her standing by my side without a second thought when my world came crashing down. Loyalty. I swear I never cheated on you with James. That's what she’d said, right? And I realized I believed her, but that didn't make things any easier. Because if that was true, then had I truly shut her out of my life, without even giving her a chance to explain herself, all over some stupid misunderstanding?

It wasn't surprising that James was furious with her for still holding onto any hope of patching things up with me. Fuck . I mean, it wasn't like this was anything new, but had I really been that big of an idiot?

I didn't even deserve her to look at me. I should just leave, spare her from my anger, my bitterness, and my mistakes. But how could I when she was right there, her blue eyes shimmering with tears she tried to choke back, so close and so real?

"I'm sorry, Dave," she whispered, her voice shaky. "I didn't know James was gonna barge in here and stir up such a mess, I..." She sighed, seeming lost for words, wrapping her arms around herself, looking so confused and alone that I couldn't resist. Striding over to her, I pulled her into a hug, holding her tight against my chest, hoping against hope that this would be enough for her to grasp everything I was feeling but couldn't put into words. She smelled like cinnamon and cardamom and this unique sweetness that was just her, and it made me ravenous. I buried my face in her hair, one hand gripping the back of her head while the other pulled her closer, and she hugged me back, like she was afraid I'd vanish if she let go, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You were telling the truth, huh?" I murmured, my heart aching. "You and James... You weren't really together that day?"

"No," she sobbed, her voice heavy with sorrow, and I held her even tighter. "No, we weren't..."

"It's alright. It’s okay, sweetheart," I whispered, the pet name slipping out without me even realizing it, the weight of my mistakes threatening to crush me with regret. I wanted to cry too, but I couldn’t, not now. I had to stay strong for her. "I'm here. Let it out, I'm here."

I held her until her sobs subsided, her breathing slowing down. She pulled back a bit, looking up at me, her face tantalizingly close to mine, and I had to use all my strength not to kiss her right there .

"You don't wanna chase after James?" I questioned, trying to hide the distress in my voice. She shook her head, looking like she might burst into tears again any second.

"No, not right now. It'd just make everything worse. We'd end up arguing more,” she whispered, her cheeks damp from her tears. “He's angry, Dave. And he's been holding onto that anger for ages, and I don't know how to help him..."

"Hey, it's alright. You'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"We weren't together. I mean, that day," she started, breaking away from my embrace and heading to the couch, where she took a seat. I took a seat too, unable to stand even a moment apart from her. "I knew James had feelings for me. I knew because he'd kissed me once, out of the blue, and I knew I couldn't keep ignoring the way he felt."

She paused, and I nodded, pushing down the surge of jealousy and anger bubbling up inside me.

"I… I liked him too. But I loved you. I was so, so in love with you. And I’d chosen you . I would always, always, always have chosen you. That day, running into him was just a total coincidence. I didn’t even know he was gonna be there. I mean, I get it now, I should've told you everything back then. But honestly, I was scared stiff. Didn't wanna risk pushing you even further away. It was all my fault..."

"No," I cut in, squeezing her hand, small, soft, and warm, in mine. "No. I should've let you explain. You were my girlfriend, after all. I owed you that much, Nore."

"I tried to track you down afterward, you know, to explain myself," she confessed, her voice choked, those pleading blue eyes of hers practically begging for understanding. "But it never quite panned out. And then..."

"And then?" I prodded gently. She glanced away, nibbling on her lower lip, like she was wrestling with the right words. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, urging her on.

"And then... There was that song."

I let out a rough breath. Mustaine, you fucking idiot. She didn't have to spell it out. I knew exactly which song she meant, a tune born from my anger and bitterness, a misguided attempt at bravado fueled by some foolish hope that she'd hear it and come chasing after me, even if it was just for a fight. But in the end, it only drove Nore farther from me. If there was a prize for boneheaded moves, I'd have been on that podium in a heartbeat.

"And you never bothered to find me," she murmured, her voice laced with hurt, her gaze dropping to her hands, her lower lip trembling just enough to betray her pain. It was like watching a wounded bird, helpless and vulnerable after falling off its nest.

God, how I longed for her to forgive me, even for the sins I had not sinned.

"I tried," I admitted, and she glanced up at me quick, cheeks flushing the sweetest shade of pink, those blue eyes of hers sparkling like they could stop my heart. Why was she happy to hear that? Why was she messing with my head like this? Didn't she love James now? Tears threatened to well up again, the lump in my throat tightening. I couldn't stand this. "I did try. But you were gone. Off touring in Europe with him. And then a year later or so, Cliff pops up at one of my gigs. I asked about you, wanted to see you. But he shut me down," I revealed bitterly. "Told me to get over it. Said you and James were together. That you were in love. So I threw in the towel."

She looked utterly surprised, like it was news to her. After all these years, I'd figured she didn't give a damn. So why the sudden interest? Why act like she didn't know? It felt like she was ripping my heart out all over again. Because, painful as it was to admit, I still loved her. I had never, ever, ever stopped loving her. And now she was back in my life, with those piercing blue eyes and that gentle heart, thinking she could save me, thinking she could fix things. Innocent. Pure. Wasting her heart on the wreck that I was.

And I couldn't even muster the guts to lay it bare — that I was a screw-up. That I was useless, that she oughta go off and be happy with James 'cause she'd never fix what was broken in me. I didn't deserve that. But I wanted it — I wanted to be near her. I was too damn selfish. I wanted her goodness. Her innocence. I needed it to belong to me, and only me, and no one else.

I didn't deserve her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, gripping my hands tight. "I just... I thought you didn't want me around anymore. I didn't know, Dave," she sniffled. Was she crying? She shouldn't be. She hadn't done anything, anything wrong. Maybe I should've pushed harder. Maybe I should've listened. Maybe I should've gone after her, fought for her. But now, it felt too late.

"I should go," I muttered, even though it tore me up inside. "I don't want... You and James, Nore, you two are together..."

"But we're not, " she blurted out. I went still, locked into her blue gaze. Please, don't toy with me like this. "Things with James, Dave... They're complicated. But we're not together. Not like that. We..." Her voice hitched, and all I wanted was to hold her, to never let her go, to never let her cry again. "We're both broken. Cliff's death... It tore us apart."

And there it was. That vulnerability. I'd noticed it, how she seemed fragile now compared to the lively girl I once knew. This was new, and it broke my heart that she’d changed to feel ruined. It crushed me that the happy, determined, kind girl I once knew had become a wounded woman. A woman still grieving, even years after losing the one who'd shaped her world.

And it stung even more that I was such a worthless piece of shit that I felt selfishly relieved to hear she and James were no longer together.

"Please, don't string me along like this," I managed to whisper. She chuckled, her voice trembling, then met my gaze.

"Dave. Would I lie to you about something like this?" she asked, almost sweetly. Oh, this devil of a woman. If only she knew how she had me in the palm of her hand right then. "Please... I don't want you to leave."

"What should I do?" I practically pleaded. Just tell me what to do because I can't take this anymore. I want to hold you. I want to kiss you. I want to—

"Stay with me," she breathed, her fingers weaving through mine. My heart raced, disbelief flooding me. I didn't deserve it, this happiness. I didn't deserve her.

Yet there she was.

Yet she wanted me.

My hand shook as I reached out to touch her face gently. I traced the curve of her lower lip with my thumb, watching as she blushed, her lips parting ever so slightly, anticipation gleaming in her eyes. I pulled her close, my mind racing as much as my heart, and kissed her, our lips moving together, my tongue exploring her mouth eagerly, tasting her like it would be the last time. Because maybe it would. Maybe this was all just a dream, and I would wake up in my cold bed, miserable and stupid and alone without her.

Because this was too good to be true. That a woman this small could hold this much power over me, over my heart, felt almost like a joke. But there she was. She was beautiful. She was kind.

And she wanted me.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9 @twice360noscope @ilovepapahet

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allmoshnobrain · 10 months

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

chapter list:

✧ part 01 | early daze: (01), (02), (03), (04), (05), (06), (07), (08), (09), (10), (11), (12), (13), (14), (15)

✧ part 02 | honeymoon heartbreak: (16), (17), (18), (19), (20), (21), (22), (23), (24), (25), (26), (27)

✧ final part | california: (28), (29), (30), (31), (32), (33), (34), (35)

✧ epilogue: (aftermath), (darkness), (light), (forgiven), (lust), (holy)

extra chapters:

✧ love me in the morning: Dave comforts Nore while she deals with period pains. smut, fluff. set between parts 16 and 17.

ao3 link | fic's playlist | bonus content/fic lore

Eleanore (better known as Nore) was only 18 years old when she moved out of her house. She chose to live with her cousin, Cliff, in the same house where his band was staying - and got involved with all of them much more than she had ever expected to get involved with someone...

✦ warnings and tags (for the whole fic): oc is cliff's cousin, +18, slice of life, drinking, smoking, fluff, 1983/84 metallica, dave mustaine x oc, james hetfield x oc, love triangle, angst, smut, mxf sex (explicit), violence, implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism, past alcohol abuse/alcoholism, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, drug use, recreational drug use, consensual sex

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allmoshnobrain · 3 months

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 28 of ? | masterpost

word count: 2167 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

For the first time in days, I felt something beyond apathy, even if it was a messy mix of sadness, anger, and confusion. How could he think I hated him? How could he think I didn't love him, that he wasn't enough, that I wouldn't do anything to have him around? It wasn't fair. It was tearing me up inside.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, love triangle

✧ On the night that we met / I looked cool, rolling cigarettes / You were fooled by my jokes / I was too, I didn't know you / And I woke up alone / In a frozen, broken home / And my cousin gave me the flu / So, I flew back to L.A., but not back to you ✧

Cliff stuck around for most of the next week. If my parents found it odd that I moved back in with them and got dumped by my boyfriend out of nowhere, they didn't say a word. Honestly, I hadn't seen them so thrilled in ages. Yet, in my bitter and gloomy state, I could only picture that their joy, especially my mom's, had more to do with having me back under their thumb, away from friendships and romances they didn't approve of, than actually having their daughter back in their lives.

A couple of days later, Cliff and my dad rolled out to grab my stuff. I felt kinda bad for dragging Cliff into all this mess; first, he drove all the way from LA to Long Beach to bring me home on that rainy Sunday, and then he had to make the trip back to LA to snag my motorcycle and all the other junk still hanging around the apartment Dave and I used to share. Even if I had the guts to go, I knew Cliff and my dad wouldn’t have let me. So, I just stayed behind in Long Beach, sprawled on my bed, watching the sunlight lazily dance across the ceiling, the hours ticking away without any real purpose.

Of course, Cliff offered to help me unpack everything afterward; I figured he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't try to tackle it solo. I'd been so zoned out and drained during the last few days that anything that could be remotely unsettling to me had become a shared concern between him and my parents. I played it cool, ignoring the hushed comments they exchanged when they thought I couldn't hear; their worries about how fragile I supposedly was, that I might not be strong enough to bounce back.

I just sat on my bed, watching in silence as Cliff lugged in box after box; my clothes, my records, my whole life from the past few months, all packed and sorted like it meant nothing. He dropped the last box on the floor with a grunt before settling down next to me on the bed.

"Ready?" he asked, his fingers running through my dark brown hair, untangling some of the knots that had formed in the past few days. Despite my mom's attempts to help me, I hadn't mustered the strength to care about my appearance lately. I shook my head no, my gaze unfocused, and Cliff held my hand before saying, "Hey, it's okay. We can head downstairs, grab a bite. What do you think?"

"No," I murmured, my voice coming out hoarse and faltering from lack of use. "No, let's get this over with now."

"Okay," Cliff said, getting up, seeming pumped that I had finally said something. It hit me that those were indeed my first words of the day. "I'll grab this box with your clothes, and you can sort out that small one over there."

I sighed, giving a nod. Despite not being a pro at organizing my room, Cliff kept pushing to shield me, tackling the bulkier and trickier tasks. It didn't really lift my spirits; if anything, I felt guilty for piling all this work on him. But I pushed those thoughts away as I sat on the floor, cracking open a box and checking out what was inside.

I let out a sigh when I stumbled upon my vinyl record collection, and there was my jewelry box tucked into an extra space. I grabbed it, popping it open and blinking when I found an envelope inside. I tore it open, pulling out the blue necklace Dave had given me for my birthday. I hadn't worn it when I went to grab my jacket at Mike's house, but now its chain was broken, and that made my throat tighten because I knew it was intact the last time I had it on.

I couldn't help but wonder if Dave had broken it, if his anger toward me was so intense that he wanted to wreck one of the gifts he'd given me. Giving the envelope a shake to be sure there was nothing else inside, a little piece of paper tumbled into my lap. I picked it up, curious, my eyes filling with tears as I read what was written on it.

I'm sorry for being such a shitty person. I never meant to hurt you; I'm so sorry I wasn't enough. Just please promise you won't forget me, or at least that you won't hate me forever.

I started bawling before even finishing the note, tossing the paper away. For the first time in days, I felt something beyond apathy, even if it was a messy mix of sadness, anger, and confusion. How could he think I hated him? How could he think I didn't love him, that he wasn't enough, that I wouldn't do anything to have him around? It wasn't fair. It was tearing me up inside.

Cliff swiftly ditched the box he was packing and plopped down next to me, giving me a tight hug, pulling me close to his chest as tears rolled down my face. He hoisted me up like it was nothing, carrying me over to my bed and lying down beside me, wrapping me up in his arms and whispering that everything would be okay. I could barely hear him, though, drowning in my own distress.

It took a while for me to calm down, but he didn't leave my side for a second, his fingers running through my hair in a comforting move as I buried my face in his chest. When my tears finally dried up, all that lingered was silence; silence and exhaustion as I tried to brush off the pulsating emptiness in my chest.

"Maybe you should talk to him," Cliff finally murmured, sounding hesitant, like his words might trigger another round of tears, which, honestly, wasn't too far off the mark. "If you like him so much, you should talk to him."

"Cliff, I can't... I can't do it," I whispered, my voice faltering. And it was true; I couldn't talk to him without breaking into tears. Worse, if he didn't want to listen, if he didn't want to believe me, it felt like I could shatter into a million pieces. All I wanted was to have him back, but I didn't know what I would do if he rejected me, if nothing worked out, and that scared me beyond words.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry," he said, kissing my cheek and holding me close. "It will pass, I promise. Everything will be okay."

I gave a nod, sniffling as I wiped my face, that same apathy from before hitting me even harder. But Cliff's embrace made me feel a bit better. It was like slipping into something familiar: the scent of his skin, his hair, just like back in the day when we were kids and used to crash at each other's places, just to end up sleeping on the same bed. I couldn't help but feel grateful he was there with me.

"You know..." Cliff started, then hesitated. "James really cares about you. You know he didn't want this to happen, right?"

I stayed silent. Thinking about James over the past few days was something I consciously avoided, mostly because I was pissed. Not necessarily at him, but more about how everything went down between us. He'd tried calling me a few times since Sunday, but I swerved all his calls. I just didn't have the energy to deal with him right now, to unravel the whirlwind of emotions he stirred up. And I knew that, despite all the pain from the breakup with Dave, my feelings weren't any less intense: I still loved him, and that hurt me the most.

Cliff didn't push it. We just hung there, wrapped up in each other's arms until I eventually crashed out. Despite it all, being with him made me feel secure; sheltered and loved, for the first time since everything went sideways.

Things didn't exactly get easier after Cliff left. He didn't want to bail, but I knew he had band commitments and, let's be real, there was no legit reason for him to keep babysitting me. Those wounds weren't magically gonna heal overnight, after all.

December rolled in, and my parents decided to whisk me off on a European trip to shake things up. Yet, despite the change of scenery, it was hands down one of the crappiest New Year's of my life. I'd paid a jeweler to patch up the chain of my necklace, and started wearing it as a bracelet all the time. At first, that hurt too, but as days rolled by, the pain and sadness twisted into a strange kind of fondness.

Post New Year's, we rolled back to Long Beach. While my parents were busy fine-tuning their grand plans for my education over the next few years, I was on a mission to piece myself back together, bit by bit. Long Beach hadn't changed much in a year, and I found myself gravitating back to some of my high school buddies. Charlotte, a Drama Club friend, became my main go-to. She'd hopped on the theater train after graduation, and I started tagging along to rehearsals, first as a spectator, then as an assistant.

Most importantly, I dove back into art, especially drawing. Most of the time, I ended up sketching everything I could recall about Dave — his hands, his hair, his eyes, the curve of his lips, the way his nose crinkled when he grinned. All the things I longed to have back. All the things I couldn't bear to forget. Turns out, my drawing and painting skills, though a bit rusty from the neglect, hadn't completely ditched me.

The end of January rolled in fast. On a particularly chilly and gloomy day, I got a call from Cliff.

"Hey, Nore," he greeted me, the usual laid-back tone in his voice.I could almost picture him chilling on the couch, probably puffing on a cigarette while holding the phone with one hand. "How are you?"

"I... I'm okay," I replied, though the truth was, I was still working on getting there. "And how 'bout you guys?"

"Ah, we're good. Same old," Cliff answered. I hesitated. I almost asked if he had any news about Dave, but then it hit me — I was scared as hell to hear the answer. Scared he hated me. Scared he forgot me. Scared he moved on, or worse, still loved me. So, I didn’t ask, and he didn't tell me. "Listen, I got an invite for you."

"An... Invite?" I asked, a bit on edge. I'd been cocooning myself in a bubble for the past few months, keeping crazy busy to dodge thinking about all the drama with me, Dave, and James. I wasn't sure if I was ready to peel away from the safety of that isolation, but I figured I might as well hear Cliff out. "What invite?"

"Well, the guys and I locked in a tour... in Europe. Just a handful of gigs, you know, but I was thinking if you'd be up for joining us."

"Oh. I literally just got back from Europe, Cliff. Spent New Year's there."

"Really? I had no clue," the classic irony in his voice made me scoff, rolling my eyes. "I won't bug you if you're not up for it, but it's gonna be our first international tour. Oh, and we're opening for Venom, by the way. I just reckon you'd be a dummy to pass on this chance."

"Alright, fine. I'm in," I agreed, more to keep him happy than for any other reason. My stomach did a bit of a flip, the thought of facing Lars, Kirk, and especially James again stirring up a cocktail of excitement, nervousness, and anxiety. "But you gotta work your magic on my parents."

"I've already had a chat with them. Your old man thought it'd be a good plan for you to shake things up a bit. It's just ten days; we'll be back before you know it. Deal?"

"Okay," I murmured, trying to suppress the little grin that insisted on spreading through my face. "I'll go, then."

"Cool, I'll tell the others," Cliff replied, his laid-back tone now tinged with excitement. "I'm stoked you're coming... Missed you, you know?"

"Yeah, I missed you too," I said with a smile.

For a second, it almost felt like I could shove the sadness that had been trailing me for weeks into the background. I'd been to gigs before, sure, but tagging along on a tour was a whole new deal. And hell yeah, catching Venom live, one of the bands the guys and I worshiped, got me buzzing. Maybe, just maybe, letting myself get swept up in this distraction wasn't such a bad idea.

Maybe, just maybe, it was time to start living again.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777

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allmoshnobrain · 2 months

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 32 of 35 | masterpost

word count: 3841 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

I halted in front of the door, my heart pounding, my face all flushed, the desperation in my heart shoving aside any jitters about facing Dave again. All I craved was for him to swing that door open, and I'd throw myself into his arms, cup his face in my hands and kiss him, let him take me to bed, and everything would sort itself out because I loved him. I fucking loved him.

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, smut mentioned/implied

✧ Do you forgive me for all the ways that I missed you? / Did I ever not miss you? In my bones, in being myself / I could be no one else ✧

I woke up a few hours later with the sunlight peeking through the curtains, James' arms hugging me as he snored softly, his face tucked in the curve of my neck. I blinked, memories of the previous night rushing back, making my face warm and my stomach flutter with a million butterflies. Holy shit. That had really happened, right? We’d actually fucked?

I got up, nudging James' arms away, my face probably redder than a lobster. I headed to the bathroom, cranked up the shower, and hopped under the hot water, letting out a satisfied sigh as my body unwound. After the shower, as I brushed my teeth, it dawned on me that I’d forgotten to grab something to wear. Wrapped in a towel, I strolled back to the room only to find James was already awake.

“You look way hotter naked than I imagined, you know?” James grinned as he caught sight of me.

“Is that your version of 'good morning'?” I chuckled, hunting through my stuff for something to wear. He laughed, got up, and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me to stand between his legs.

“Good morning, princess,” he murmured, planting a light kiss on my lips. “Hey, mind if I use your shower?”

“Sure thing, but you might want to snag some fresh clothes from your own room,” I suggested, and he flashed a grin.

“Why don't you crash in my room for the rest of the tour? It's way more convenient, and besides…” James pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist before whispering in my ear, “We could have a rerun of last night as many times as we want, right?”

I hesitated, taking a step back. James frowned, seeming intrigued by my reaction.

“What's wrong?” he asked. “Am I that bad in bed?”

“Of course not!” I replied, maybe a bit too hastily, which earned a soft chuckle from him.

“What's bothering you, then?” he asked, gently holding my chin. I let out a sigh and glanced off.

“You might get upset.”

“Nah, I won't. You know you can tell me anything,” he drew me close again, and I placed my hands on his shoulders, my face warming up with how close we were. “What's going on?”

“It's just…” I sighed, a lump of pain forming in my throat. “James, Dave dumped me, thinking I cheated on him with you. It's messed up. And I... I really liked sleeping with you. A lot, seriously. But I can't help feeling bad…” I blinked, battling against the tears that were pushing through. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything; I'm screwing everything up…”

“No. You're not,” James whispered, gently rubbing my back with one hand. “You gotta quit thinking that. You're not screwing anything up.”

“It's all my fault, James,” I mumbled, my voice shaky as a couple of tears slipped out, making their way down my face. “I messed things up, and I couldn't even go after him to set things right 'cause I was scared. It's all my fucking fault.”

“Hey. Get over here,” he pulled me in closer, giving me a tight hug, and I sniffled, wiping my eyes with one hand while he gently rubbed my back. “You didn't mess up, Nore. You haven't wrecked anything, okay? I broke up with Pat 'cause I wanted to. And Dave... If you want, I can help you with that.”

“How so?” I asked, my voice shaky. He pulled back, looking at me, his blue eyes dead serious.

“If you're up for it, we can track him down when we're back. I'll help you explain the whole story. And if you wanna patch things up with him…” he paused, taking a deep breath like the thought pained him. “Nore, I'd rather fucking die than see you sad like this, even if it’s because you can't be with him.”

“James…” I whispered, my heart pounding at his words. Would he seriously go that far for me? Was he really willing to help me set things straight with Dave, even if it meant he might lose me in the process? Did he truly love me that much?

“It's just that, right now, there's a whole ocean between him and us,” James murmured, his lips edging closer to mine. “You can be my girl while we're here... And when we roll back, we'll figure out what's what.”

I let out a sigh as he kissed me, his hands eagerly roaming over my body until he unraveled the towel wrapped around me. One of his hands gripped my butt tight, while the other ventured to my breast, moving in slow circles, his thumb slowly teasing my nipple. I let out a soft moan as his lips traced my neck, a pleasant warmth spreading between my legs.

“I just got out of the shower,” I whispered, and he let out a soft chuckle.

“So what? We can hop in together later. I was thinking about fucking you in there too, anyway.”

“Quit it, James,” I moaned, my protest weakened by the evident longing in my voice.

He laughed and then yanked me onto the bed, positioning my knees around his hips. I tangled my fingers in his hair, his lips leisurely exploring mine, and moaned when he pulled my hips down, slowly sliding into me as I settled on his lap.

The morning was wrapping up when we finally strolled into the hotel's restaurant, spotting the rest of the band and Leanne, chitchatting as they polished off breakfast.

“Go snag a seat; I'll grab the food,” James suggested, tugging me in by the waist before whispering in my ear: “You've gotta be tired after riding me so good just now, huh?”

“Oh my God... James!” I griped, shoving him off as I felt my face getting all warm. He burst into laughter, heading for the buffet, and I rolled my eyes before joining the gang at the table. “Hey,” I greeted everyone as I took a seat, arching my eyebrows and furrowing my forehead when I got zero response. I blushed when I noticed all eyes on me — Kirk and Leanne with expectation in their eyes, Cliff throwing some side-eye, torn between suspicion and curiosity, and Lars barely containing his laughter. “Alright, spill it. What's the deal?”

“You telling us what happened?” Kirk chimed in, a big grin spreading across his face. I furrowed my brow.

“Nothing happened. What are you guys talking about?”

“Just that Pat went nuclear 'cause you and James disappeared together yesterday. Now she's MIA, and you two stroll in all cozy for breakfast like this?” Lars said, grinning like a goof too. ”So... what's the story?”

“Pat and James called it quits. She hightailed it back home,” I admitted, figuring there was no point in keeping it under wraps — everyone would catch on sooner or later.

“And you’re seriously gonna let us suffer in suspense? Spill the details!” Lea demanded, and I let out a groan.

James rolled back with two plates, plopping one in front of me before settling down and digging in. He took a few seconds, maybe longer, to catch onto everyone's eager stares at us.

“What?” he asked, his mouth full.

“What we're dying to know is if you two fucked or n…”.

“Lars!” I cut in, my face heating up. James nearly choked on his food, going red in the face too. I averted my gaze, refusing to make eye contact, running a hand over my face.

“Oh my God. You guys totally did it, didn’t you?” Lars continued, now definitely cracking up. We stayed silent, but that seemed to be all the confirmation he needed. He leaped to his feet. “I called it!” he pointed triumphantly at Kirk and Leanne. “Pay up, you owe me ten bucks.”

“You guys placed bets on this?” I exclaimed, offended, getting up. “Cliff!” I turned to Cliff, hoping for some support in conveying how ridiculous this was, but he just shrugged.

“I have nothing to do with this.”

“What were you betting on?” James inquired, still a bit flushed but not nearly as bothered as I was. I stared at him, incredulous.

“I bet that you and Pat would split, and you'd turn to Nore for comfort, inevitably leading to... you know. Kirk bet on a threesome with you, Pat, and Nore…” I shot Kirk a wide-eyed look, and he grinned at me like it was just a casual proposition. “Lea bet that you would only sort things out come morning.”

“And you all think it's cool to start placing bets on my love life?” I demanded, annoyed.

“We're just stoked that you and James finally got your act together, Nore. It was about time.” Leanne chimed in with a grin.

“I fucking called it! I knew this day would come ever since I spotted you two making out on the bus.” Lars declared, victorious. I turned to him, eyes wide, and James tensed beside me.

“What do you mean you saw it?” I asked, while James exclaimed:

“Seriously, Lars? I thought you were knocked out!”

“Wait a sec. What do you mean they were making out on the bus?” Kirk inquired.

“You didn't tell us any of this! It's not cool to bet when you're holding back intel,” Leanne griped.

“I genuinely thought you were knocked out,” James reiterated, sounding incredulous. Lars chuckled.

“Well, in case you're not familiar with the idea, it's called pretending…”

“Shut it, you goofballs,” Cliff grumbled. “Everyone's eyeballing us.”

I huffed but settled back in the chair to eat, allowing James to wrap an arm around my shoulders.

“So, are you two together now or what?” Lars prodded, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fuck off, Lars.”

“Are you or not?”

“It's none of your fucking business,” James muttered. “Just zip it.”

I glanced at James and couldn't help but smile when our eyes connected. We carried on with our meal, and to my relief, the others shifted gears, chatting more about the shows and the trip rather than dissecting James and me. I sighed, a sudden realization hitting me that the hollowness that had lingered for the past few weeks had lightened in my chest. For the first time in weeks, I felt almost complete, even with Dave not being there. For a fleeting moment, I almost allowed myself not to feel sad.

But then, James inadvertently brushed against the small blue stone on the bracelet that used to be Dave’s birthday gift, and in an instant, everything about Dave flooded back into my mind; his scent, his smile, the way he used to hold me. The way his lips always found the perfect spot against mine, and how he held me as if I would break with too much force. His voice, his hands, his strong arms around me, everything, everything about him.

I needed to find him again. I needed to explain everything; I needed him to understand that I loved him and had never stopped loving him, not even for a second. The idea of finding him frightened me, but the thought of never crossing paths with him again scared me even more. I needed to make things right.

Then, James' request echoed in my mind, and I let out a sigh. For now, I would let myself revel in the burst of happiness I'd stumbled upon in his embrace. I could make decisions later. I could figure out what I was really feeling. But for now, I could let myself forget that ache.

I could let myself be happy.

The rest of the tour flew by; now that James and I had sorted out our issues, the days felt lighter, and I started to feel a bit happy again. Of course, the fact that James couldn't keep his hands off me played a big part in that; we were always together, grabbing every chance we got to sneak away and get lost in each other's touch.

Before we knew it, it was time to head back home. Saying goodbye to James hit me way harder than I thought it would; I’d let myself love him fully in these past few days, no holds barred, but that didn't lessen how much I craved him one bit. If anything, with each passing day, I just wanted him more.

Nevertheless, I got back from the trip dead sure about one thing: I needed to patch things up with Dave. I had to lay it all out for him, spill every detail, even if it meant he might not want to hear it or worse, end up hating me. If my screw-up was keeping stuff under wraps to avoid hurting him, I was damn sure I wouldn't make that mistake again. Not if it meant risking losing someone I loved.

“You sure you don't want me to go with you?” James asked, cupping my face with one hand while the other hung onto my waist. We were saying goodbye at Los Angeles airport before he jetted back to San Francisco and I headed to Long Beach, but not for long; I had plans to swing back to LA the next weekend to have a chat with Dave and, well, Pat too. Figured some apologies were in order.

“I am. I swear I'll be fine,” I breathed, tiptoeing to plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He grinned, pulling me into a tight hug, and I let out a soft chuckle.

“You're so damn brave,” he whispered, making my heart rush. “I'll miss you, you know?”

“We'll catch up soon,” I replied, stepping back and resting my hands on his chest. He smiled, a touch of melancholy in his eyes.

“Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it?” he murmured, and I sighed, furrowing my brow a bit.

I had been dodging the thought, but James had a point: one way or another, I planned to sort things out with Dave this weekend. I was damn sure that meeting him again wouldn't be calm or easy, not when the ache for him was like a stormy sea in my chest.

Yet, I couldn't shake off how tight James and I had gotten in these last few days, how I’d let myself fall even more for him. I was torn, clueless about what to do. All I could wish for was that sorting things out with Dave about all that had happened in the past few months would clear up this emotional mess, help me make sense of it all.

"I gotta do this, Jamie," I murmured, cupping his face in my hands. He smiled, resigned, laying his hands on top of mine.

"I get it. How 'bout one last kiss? You know, for good luck." he suggested, and I couldn't help but chuckle, throwing my arms around his neck as I let him plant a sweet kiss on my lips.

The weekend rolled in quicker than I expected, shooting my anxiety through the roof. No matter how many times I'd rehearsed the speech and played out the scenarios in my head about facing Dave, when the moment finally arrived, I was way more jittery than I bargained for.

I hit up Pat's place first, thinking it might be a smoother conversation. Nervously, I rang the doorbell, sighing in anticipation. After a few minutes, the door swung open, revealing Pat.

I started to say hi, but she shut the door right in my face as soon as she laid eyes on me.

"Pat, come on!" I blurted, banging on the door. I hammered the doorbell — once, twice, three times — until she begrudgingly swung it open.

"What do you want?" she snarled. I raised my eyebrows, taken aback by her hostility.

"I want to talk to you."

"I have nothing to talk to you about. Go away."

"Yeah, I don’t think so. We need to talk," I lit a cigarette and offered her the pack. "Want one?" She stayed silent, and I sighed, shoving the cigarette box back into my jacket pocket. "Pat, look... I know things got kinda..."

“Spare me your apologies," She cut me off. "I don't want to hear it. It's too easy for you to roll up here and apologize after swiping my boyfriend from me. I don't get why you even bothered introducing him to me. You think I didn't know you two were cozying up while you were still with Dave?”

I opened my mouth, floored.

“Pat, I didn't... That's not true.”

“No? Then why were you so bent out of shape that day at Mike's house when you caught James kissing me?" She inched closer, and I instinctively took a step back, my stomach doing somersaults and my face turning beet red when I realized she'd noticed how upset I got. Sure, I was a bit inebriated and stoned that day, but I genuinely believed Pat hadn't seen how messed up I felt seeing her with James. "If you and James weren't a thing, why did Dave kick you to the curb after I told him about you two?”

My whole world felt like it hit pause when she dropped that bomb. How could she have told Dave about James and me? Flashbacks of that day zipped through my brain like lightning; I didn't clue Dave in on my trip to snag my jacket from Mike's place, not because I was hiding stuff from him, but because I knew he wasn’t comfortable with anything related to Metallica, and I figured it'd be a quick in-and-out mission – grab the jacket and jet.

Yet somehow, for some wild reason, he’d tailed me. For months, I'd been scratching my head, wondering how Dave had known I'd be at Mike's place, how he was dead sure James and would be together behind his back, but that explanation couldn't be real. It just didn't make sense.

“You did... what?” I murmured, my voice shaky as my stomach did somersaults. The cigarette I had in my hand slipped through my fingers, thudding on the floor as my hands started to shake like crazy. “Pat, what the fuck did you do?”

“I told him everything, ” she smirked, clearly pleased with how her words threw me off, messing with my breathing in a cocktail of anger and despair. “James kept swearing you two weren't a thing, but I wasn't buying it. Did you really think I didn't notice the way he looked at you? Like, did you honestly believe I'd let you wreck everything? I figured if Dave knew, you'd have a fight, and he'd talk you out of hanging with James. I just didn't expect him to actually catch you two in the act and call it quits with you,” she came closer, giving me a little shove, and I balled my hands into fists. “But just when I figured you'd quit bugging me and James, they invited you on that damn tour. And guess what? I was right. You were together after all, weren’t you? You should've seen Dave's face when I got back from Europe and told him all about what went down back there.”

“You're a fucking bitch, ” I snapped, shaking with fury and barely holding back from taking a swing at her on the spot. “You really think this is cool? Spreading a load of bullshit about us? You don’t know shit about me and James. I’m lucky I showed up here and found out about all this, 'cause now he's for sure never gonna want to see you again.”

She took a step back, a glint of hurt flickering in her eyes for a split second before it got replaced by coldness, a mocking grin playing on her lips.

"What's that saying again? An eye for an eye?" she said, tilting her head back slightly and giving me a narrowed-eye look. "Dave won't want anything to do with you either, Nore. Not after his ex-best friend and his girlfriend double-crossed him like this. Do you think I give a damn if it's true or not? You snagged the guy I like, so I snagged the guy you love."

I took another step back. How could she just say that so casually, like it was no big deal? Like wrecking my relationship with Dave didn't matter, like hurting him and breaking both our hearts meant nothing? I felt my heart squeeze, my breath hitching as I grasped the full impact of it all; how Dave must've believed I’d genuinely stabbed him in the back, how bumping into James at Mike's place, alone with me, would have only fueled his suspicions.

And what was Pat blabbing about again? You should've seen Dave's face when I got back from Europe and told him all about what went down back there. What twisted version of the truth had Pat fed him before I had a chance to spill my own guts, to lay out my feelings, to let him know how much I've been hurting without him, how much I've been missing him? Did he really think I'd been cozying up with James since our split, not giving a damn about how he felt? Did he genuinely believe I'd ditch him like that?

I couldn't stick around there for one more second. I had to track down Dave immediately. I needed to tell him the truth, no twists, no fibs, no chitchat. I needed him to understand that I loved him. That yeah, I had feelings for James too, but I loved him ; that I had loved him first, that we could patch things up if we gave it a shot. That I needed him. That I didn't want to live without him.

I spun around without a backward glance, hustling to my motorcycle and firing it up. I zoomed through the streets of Los Angeles, maybe pushing the speed limit a bit until I hit the low-rise building where Dave and I used to live. I barged into the building like a tornado, sprinting up the stairs until I hit our old apartment’s floor. I halted in front of the door, my heart pounding, my face all flushed, the desperation in my heart shoving aside any jitters about facing Dave again. All I craved was for him to swing that door open, and I'd throw myself into his arms, cup his face in my hands and kiss him, let him take me to bed, and everything would sort itself out because I loved him. I fucking loved him.

But that dream didn't pan out; when I knocked on the door, I noticed it was already unlocked, exposing a totally vacant apartment. I barged in, frantic, scouring every room as if he might still be there, but he wasn't. He just wasn't there, and the realization hit me like a tidal wave, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. He wasn't there, and I had no clue how to find him.

I had lost him.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

✦ a/n: decided to put this note at the end so you guys wouldn't get spoilers for this part. I'm sorry for the heartbreaking twist (again) lol I promised Dave would be back and he will, but it'll take just a bit longer! Also, the epilogue is getting a little bigger than I expected, because I don't want to leave any plot points unanswered or rushed, so I will split it into a few parts (it won't be too many! it's all for the sake of the story and so we can get more Dave and James moments with Nore I promise lol)

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9

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