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kpop-locks · 2 years
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꒰ ˀˀ ↷ cl ; simple ”♡ᵎ ꒱
like/reblog | @awaregei
don’t repost our work or claim it as your
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metalbended · 2 years
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Lyoko kids + phones >> Ulrich
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lestappenfiles · 3 months
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Charles || ICON Spain magazine 2018, Issue 51.
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that-guy-sleepy-miles · 3 months
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“Wait!” He called, taking off his hat and pulling open his trenchcoat to reveal his recognizable locks and host outfit, “Tada!”
The first of many screenshot edits for my upcoming fanfic "Ray & Frog"!
Each of season one's six chapters will have one or two—even three, if I'm feeling up to a challenge—screenshot edits! I'm very excited to share this fic with the world, so if you think a Rayfrog fanfic with themes of understanding and change with a heavy emphasis on dystopia sounds like something you'd like, stay tuned!
The fic is not yet created, but here's my AO3 for those of you who'd like it beforehand.
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claudtrait · 20 days
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all wrapped up in cotton wool all wrapped up and sugar-coated
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citrines · 27 days
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CL ♡ VOGUE KOREA 2024 WOMAN NOW
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chaelins · 1 month
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CL Vogue Korea (March 2024)
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lewdo · 1 year
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Lights, camera, Vegas 
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gracestellaerie · 5 months
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Okay guys I admit, I'm actually not normal about this show at all
Song: Red Green Yellow - The Garden
(by the way the watermark is not mine, it's just where I got my clip source (kakuchopurei on yt))
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jessicaloons · 25 days
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Chapter 35:
I’m standing on a tightrope, alone…
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Masterlist - Previous - Next
TW: panic attack
"Lizzie?" JK snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked, looking around.
"What?" I asked confused.
"Where are you?" he tilted his head a little.
"Where am I? Here? Right in front of you?"
"No, silly. Where are you in here?" he poked my forehead with his index finger and I sighed "That bad?"
"Where do you want me to start?" I chuckled sarcastically.
"How about what’s with you and Charles?" he said and I grimaced "Ouhhh, hit the nail on the head at the first go. So, what’s with you and lover boy?"
"We had a fight. No… it wasn’t really a fight, more a disagreement? I don’t know…" I mumbled, plopping down on the bench.
"About?"
"Umm-… I got a call from a psychiatric hospital…" I began but stopped.
"Diaz wants to talk to you, right?" JK said and I looked up.
"How did you know?"
"Makes sense. He’s facing a serious sentence, making amends and showing remorse looks good and might make the judge more lenient when it comes to a trial…" he sat down next to me and handed me my water.
"You think he’s only doing it for show? He’s not being honest?"
"He assaulted you 3 times. He harassed and blackmailed you. I don’t know… how much could he change already in not even 3.5 weeks?"
"Charles thinks the same…" I sighed and JK chuckled "What?"
"So you said you want to go and talk to him and Charles doesn’t want you to go, that’s why you fought? Or disagreed over?" he asked and I nodded "Does that surprise you? I only heard what happened and want to kill this dude… Charles had to witness how he almost killed you… yeah harsh words, but it’s the ugly truth. Charles walked in on Diaz almost choking you to death… I think that he doesn’t want you anywhere near him ever again is just a normal reaction."
"I know, okay? It’s just… doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? He might be sick? Have a mental disease? Maybe he needs this to heal?" I said when the door slammed shut and I flinched, turning around. I didn’t expect to see him here. The Ferrari team debrief always took way longer than the Audi ones.
"Unbelievable." Charles looked at me, a scowl on his face "You know I actually thought about it… thought about you might need this to find closure, that that’s the reason you consider it. But no, of course not… you want to go because he might need it to heal…"
"I don’t need to talk to him to find closure. I’m fine." I stood up and grabbed the dumbbells.
"Yeah? You’re fine? And what about at night? When you have nightmares? When you wake up, tear soaked face, whimpering, shaking? Totally fine." Charles scoffed "You don’t even want to talk to Dr. Lindner, cancelling all your appointments… you’re totally fine."
"I don’t need to talk about every little thing that has happened to me…"
"Every little thing?" Charles interrupted me "Every little thing? Lizzie, after everything he’s done to you, you owe him nothing! He forced himself onto you, groping you, kissing you, all without your consent, that is sexual assault! He began harassing you, asking you disgusting questions and when you didn’t answer he assaulted you again, blackmailing you. Threatening our family? He wanted you to manipulate races, he wanted you to commit a freaking crime! And when you didn’t do what he wanted, he tried to kill you in your own fucking home! Nothing of all of that is a little thing… and all of it combined?"
I sat down on the bench again and began my first set of shoulder presses with the dumbbells.
"And now you’re ignoring me? Very mature…" Charles shook his head and walked away, Andrea followed him.
I kept on doing my set and when I was done sat down the dumbbells. JK kept staring at me for the next sets and after a while I had enough.
"Say it. Come on…" I groaned but he only shook his head.
"I’m not going to tell you what to do. But just so you know, Charles is right… you owe Diaz nothing." he said and packed away the elastic bands and ropes "Finish this set and we’re done for today."
I nodded and finished the set, watching Charles in the mirror in the back doing his sets more aggressive than ever before. I packed up my things and left, straight into our hotel room where I took a long shower, thinking about what Charles had said yesterday, but also today.
He was right, I had nightmares, Diaz face appearing night after night in front of my eyes. His hands clutching tightly around my throat. When I woke up I still felt their touch on my skin. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to talk to him? See him ever again. It was more the fact that everyone told me to talk about what happened. How everyone was patronising me like I was a little girl. They all looked at me like I was a fragile, little bird. Made out of glass. Needed them to handle me with kid gloves. It was frustrating. I wanted this to be over. Once and for all. Over. Done. I wanted to know why he did all of that. Why he hated me so much? Because I rejected him in 2019? He was still holding a grudge on me after 4 years? That couldn’t be it. That just couldn’t be all. And that’s what I needed to know. The whole story. But I didn’t like how everyone tried to tell me how to feel. How to behave. Talking to him to find closure would only proof them right. And I hated it. So damn much.
Charles POV:
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Andrea asked when I saw Lizzie packing up her things and leaving without saying a word.
"There’s nothing to talk about… she doesn’t listen to me anyway. She’s doing whatever she wants to do and I have to accept it. It’s like this." I replied and continued my work out.
After a while Andrea stopped me.
"We’re done for today. It’s not working like this Charles, you’re too aggressive. You’ll hurt yourself if we continue." he said and I sighed "You should talk to Lizzie…"
"Yeah… I will, for now I’ll go on the treadmill doing a little run…"
"But just that! Then you go back to Lizzie and talk!" Andrea cocked an eyebrow and I nodded "Good! I’ll leave you alone. I don’t need to watch you running, but don’t go crazy!"
"I won’t, promise!" I said and waved him goodbye.
Not even two minutes of running and my thoughts were already spinning around Lizzie. I had to talk to someone and I had an idea to who.
Stepping out of the gym shower, I dressed up and then took a deep breath dialling the number, hoping he would pick up as I was in dire need of his advice.
"Charles, how are you kiddo?"
"Hey Seb! I’m sorry for calling this late… I’m- I’m okay. How are you? How’s Hanna? The kids?"
"You know me, I’m always just fine… as for the family… well I guess they’re annoyed by my presence every now and then and it’s not even that late, just because I have kids, my day doesn’t end at 8, you know.." he laughed and I joined in "So, Charles… what’s going on? Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy to hear from you, but I know you good enough to know that something’s going on?"
"Yeah… you’re right…" I sighed "I just need to talk to someone…"
"Alright… I wasn’t planning on showing up before Sunday somewhere near the track, but I’m in Silverstone… there is this little pub, meet me there in half an hour?" he said and I felt relieved.
"Thank you Seb, really!" I smiled, slipping into my shoes.
"It’s okay, I meant what I said when I left the team, whenever you need me, you can always call. I’ll send you the address."
25 minutes later I parked the car and got out, looking for the bistro.
"Charles!" Seb waved me over and got up when I walked up to him "Good to see you." he hugged me and I had to smile. A bear hug from Seb always felt great.
"Hey Seb! Thanks for meeting up with me." I said when we sat down.
"No worries. You can always call." he smiled as a waiter came over to take our order "I’ll have a beer, Lager, from the tap."
"I’ll have a coke." I ordered and the waiter left again.
"So, how’s Lizzie? I texted and called after I heard what happened but she wasn’t really talking about it…" Seb looked at me.
"She says she’s fine… but she’s not… she doesn’t want to talk about it though. With no one, not even her therapist." I sighed when the waiter returned with our drinks. We thanked him and I took a sip of the cold coke before I groaned "I was so fucking blind! Everything he did to her happened right under my nose and I didn’t realise it."
"We all didn’t! Lizzie has many talents, but one of her biggest ones is for sure masking her own feelings and acting like everything is fine. She talked to me last year about Diaz. But it was only about how he asks all of this inappropriate questions, harassing her! Would I’ve known what he was doing to her?" he stopped and shook his head.
"She has nightmares. She wakes up screaming, shaking, scared and confused… I hate it. I feel like I can’t do anything to help her…" I began but Seb shook his head.
"You’re there for her. That’s all you can do at the moment! Don’t think like what you’re doing isn’t enough!"
"I don’t know… his doctor called… he wants to talk to Lizzie… and I think she considers going. But not for herself, no, she would do it for him! Because apparently everyone deserves a second chance…" I scoffed.
"Hmm…" Seb only hummed and I looked at him "Lizzie often says things to hide her true feelings? Maybe this time she’s doing it as well? Maybe she needs this. Needs to talk to him to find closure herself? But she just doesn’t know it yet? Or not fully?"
"If she wants to talk to him for herself then I’m there for her 100%. I’ll fully support her! But if she really wants to talk to him for his sake? To help him? How could I support that? I want to-…" I began but stopped, playing with my bracelet.
"You want to see him suffer? Rot in hell?"
"I want to see him dead." I swallowed hard, not able to meet Seb’s eyes on me.
"Charles? Hey?" he said and I slowly looked up, feeling bad for saying such a thing "It’s okay to feel like this… it really is. What he did to Lizzie? What he did to you? It’s just understandable. Don’t be too hard on yourself!"
"I never felt this much hate in my entire life." I admitted after a while and Seb only nodded "He didn’t just hurt Lizzie. He also dragged Sissy and Liam, Liam out of all people, into this whole mess…"
"He also hurt you! Don’t forget yourself, Charles."
"I don’t care about myself. I care about Lizzie, I care about Sissy, I care about Liam!"
"One of the many reasons why you and Lizzie are perfect for each other is that you both always put everyone else above you… but this all isn’t just about Lizzie. He dragged you into it. He hurt you as well. It’s okay to feel like this. And it’s also okay to not want him anywhere near Lizzie ever again."
"So what do I do? Just tell her it’s okay if she wants to see him? Tell her to go ahead and sit in a room with the guy he almost killed her?" I scoffed a little.
"No. You tell her exactly how you feel. Why you don’t want her near him. But that you will fully support her decision if she really wants to talk to him… I know you don’t like it. But sometimes we have to swallow down our feelings in order to help the people that we love the most." Seb smiled a little and after a while I nodded.
"Thank you. Really. I just needed to talk to someone. I just… thank you, Seb!" I said and he just shrugged his shoulders.
"Whenever you need me, you can call me. Whenever you need a little timeout from everything, you can always come visit me. Just because I’m not racing anymore doesn’t mean that I’m out of the world, you know?" he chuckled a little.
"I don’t like racing without you… it’s just not the same anymore." I admitted but he shook his head.
"My time had come. There will be a time when you will feel the same. When always being away from your family is becoming more and more draining. When racing alone doesn’t make you happy anymore. I had reached this point actually in my last year with Ferrari. But I continued… and I dreaded it. One day when you feel the same, you know what I’m talking about." he waved the waiter over and paid for our drinks "And now go back to Lizzie. Talk to her. When I learned one thing in life it’s that talking solves most of our problems…"
"Thank you Seb! For everything!" we got up and I hugged him "I see you on Sunday?"
"You can bet on it!" he smiled and waved when he walked off, getting on his bike and I had to chuckle a little.
"Lizzie?" I asked into the room when I opened the door to our hotel room. No reply. The room was empty. I looked for a note or anything. Nothing. No text. No missed call. Nothing. I called her just to land straight on her mailbox. It was already half past ten.
"Hey Charles, everything’s good?" JK asked when he picked up.
"Yeah. Do you know where Lizzie is? She’s not in our hotel? She left the gym way earlier than I did?"
"Not since the gym?" he replied and I sighed.
"Alright. If she texts you or calls you, can you let me know?"
"Sure thing. And Charles? I’m 100 % on your side on this… the only reason for her to see him should be for her closure. Her peace of mind. Not for his sake. He doesn’t deserve it…" JK said and I smiled a little.
"Thanks JK. I just wish Lizzie would see it that way…"
"Deep down I think she does… but you know her, never show any kind of weakness. Which is weird, because she’s the toughest person I know…" he said.
"She really is. She just needs to see it…"
"Yeah. I’m sure she will one day… but for now, I’ll give her a call and check in on her, then I let you know where she is, okay?"
"Thanks JK." I said and we hung up.
I changed into sweatpants and a shirt and grabbed the room service menu, ordering two salads, two sandwiches, that way Lizzie could eat something when she came back.
After 20 minutes JK texted me that Lizzie was back in the gym, running. I considered joining her, but maybe she needed some time to think. Alone. So I waited. And waited. I went to bed and turned on the tv, watching a survival show, still waiting for Lizzie. After a while I drifted off to sleep.
I stared at the sandwich and the salad on the table, looking over at Charles, asleep. Even though he was mad at me, he still looked out for me. I hated it. I hated how perfect he was. It made me feel even worse. I grabbed the food and sat down on the sofa, eating in silence, before I took a shower and climbed into bed, careful not to wake Charles up.
I ran at least 20 kilometres tonight but I still felt restless. I watched the time ticking away and before any of our alarms went off I got up and dressed. I just slipped into my shoes when I saw Charles stirring in the bed, I grabbed my bag and phone and quietly opened the door, right when I was through the door I heard Charles calling after me. But I stepped outside and closed the door, almost sprinting to the elevator.
"So I guess you haven’t talked to Charles?" I flinched when I stepped out of the elevator and bumped into JK.
"What?" I looked at him, heart racing.
"I wasn’t expecting you for another hour. That you’re here now, means that you left before Charles woke up, to not talk to him…"
"JK…" I began but he groaned.
"This is stupid, Liz. And you know it! Charles didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing he did was tell you that he didn’t like the thought of you going to see the guy who not just harassed you for years, but also assaulted you. Can you blame him that he wants to protect you?" JK gave me a stern look "Yeah that’s what I thought. The only reason you don’t want to talk to him is that you don’t want to admit that you’re wrong! Because you’re too freaking stubborn!"
"I’ll talk to him, okay? Tonight! I just need a clear head today." I sighed and he nodded.
"I’ll just grab my stuff and we can leave…" he said and stepped into the elevator.
"I’m waiting here…"
I got out of the car, shaking my head.
"What was that?" I asked Pete and he sighed.
"Sorry Lizzie, he should’ve been warned..."
"I guess this year won’t be as good as last year here." I mumbled going into the back of the garage.
"The race is tomorrow, come on!" JK said and I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah? Starting from P6? I can do shit tomorrow…" I groaned. Sitting down. I fucked up the quali. I couldn’t manage to get the car and the tyres in the right window. I would start right behind Sainz and Charles.
"Sainz probably will attack Charles right at the start since there are no real team orders as it seems, maybe you can slip past them while they battle each other?" JK said and I nodded. Maybe.
I went to the media pen with Julie, bumping straight into Charles.
"Sorry." I mumbled and he nodded.
"It’s fine. Sorry for your quali. I think you had the pace to be better…" he said looking at me and I nodded.
"Yeah… I don’t know. Maybe." I replied and he nodded now as well "I have to…"
"Yeah. Me too. See you later?" he asked.
"Yup." I hummed and walked past him.
"Okay? What’s going on? That was painful to watch? You two weren’t your usual self for the whole weekend?" Julie asked and I cocked an eyebrow.
"Our usual self? What does that even mean?"
"Oh you know what I mean! Not all cute. Stolen kisses here, loving gazes there. No jokes. No banter. What’s going on?" she looked at me pointedly.
"We had a disagreement and now we’re both petty and stubborn…" I answered and she sighed.
"Kids…" she mumbled and I laughed.
"You’re not that much older than me!"
"I’m turning 31 this year! To me, you are a kid! A kid that should talk to her adorable boyfriend…" she gently nudged my shoulder and I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah maybe…" I said, putting on a fake smile for the interviews.
I sat in our hotel room, waiting for Charles to return and when I heard the door opening I laid back, pretending to read in my book.
"Hey…" he whispered and I put my book down.
"Hey." I replied, watching him shrugging out of his jacket, hanging it up.
"Have you eaten?" he asked and I looked at the clock to his right, half past 11 "Stupid question. Sorry."
"It’s okay…" I sat up, putting my bookmark into my book, closing it.
"I’ll take a shower." he grabbed his sweatpants and a shirt, then disappeared in the bathroom.
I groaned, falling back into my pillows. Why was it so hard to just say that I was sorry. Or that he was right. I waited for him to come back out and he when he did I looked at him.
"What? Do I have something in my face?" he asked and I shook my head.
"No- I just… I wanted to… umm-…" I stammered and he sighed, laying down next to me "I appreciate your concern… I really do. I just- I don’t know. I need time to think about this whole thing, you know?"
"About what exactly?" he looked at me.
"The whole Diaz thing…"
"Okay."
"Okay?" I repeated.
"Okay." he said again and I groaned.
"That’s it?" I asked and turned a little.
"It’s your decision and whatever you decide, I support you." he said.
"Okay."
"Okay."
Talk to him Lizzie. That’s what JK said and that’s what I did. Almost. But did I feel better? No. Not at all
"Good night, Lizzie."
"Good night, Charles."
"FUCK!" I screamed. I was furious. What was I thinking. Not even 10 laps and the race was already over.
"Are you okay? Lizzie?" Pete asked and I huffed.
No. I wasn’t okay. I just crashed out of the race. Because of my own mistake.
"Yeah, I’m alright. I am so fucking stupid! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!" I said and shook my head. The marshals already running on track to get us out of our cars.
"He’s okay, too." Pete said and I just sighed.
"Thanks… I switch everything off. I’m sorry for the whole team!" I pulled out the steering wheel, feeling a stinging pain in my wrist. When I unbuckled my seatbelt, the pain got worse. I stood up, groaning a little in pain when I held onto the halo trying to climb out. One of the marshals looked up and then helped me out.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded "You wanna wait for the med car? Or wait for a scooter?”
"I’ll walk. I’m fine." I said and looked across the track, at the entrance of the corner, spun around with it’s rear stuck in the tech pro barrier was Charles’ Ferrari, he stood next to it, talking to the marshal, as if he sensed that I was looking at him he turned into my direction. It looked like he wanted to walk over to me but stopped himself from doing it. I turned around and followed the marshal, he helped me climbing over the fence, when a searing pain shot through my back and I gasped loudly. The marshal turned around and I only shook my head. The pain subsiding already, although I still felt a little tension, that got better and better with every step I took. I silently followed the marshal and watched on a screen how my car got lifted up in the air. I groaned, bad enough that I screwed up my race, no the one I had to take out was Charles. I walked as fast as possible to the pits, wanting to arrive at my garage before Charles was brought back, that was a confrontation I didn’t want to play out in front of the media. As I walked up the pit lane the camera man was following me and I tried my best to not acknowledge him, good choice still wearing my helmet, no one could see the tears I was crying. Out of anger and frustration. JK waited for me and side hugged me to shield me off a little from the camera. We walked into the garage and I just shook my head and opened my visor a little.
"I’m sorry Felix. I really thought I could make it!" I said and Felix just rubbed my back.
"It’s alright, you wanted to go for it… next time try to go for a bigger gap and if possible at a wider part of the track… and for your own sake not against your boyfriend." he said and smiled encouraging at me. I just groaned and nodded and he pushed me away laughing "Sit down for a moment and have something to drink! It’s alright, Lizzie."
I walked through the garage and apologised to my mechanics and the whole crew, then I sat down and JK brought me a towel and something to drink.
"You wanna keep that helmet on forever?" he chuckled and I shook my head, before slowly taking it off.
"I just didn’t want the cameras to catch me crying out of anger! They will twist it into me being an emotional woman crying after crashing into her boyfriend…" I sighed and JK laughed.
"But that’s what you’re doing!" he said and I rolled my eyes "Just kidding! I know, it’s all good like this. You sure you’re alright? No pain? Tension?"
"Yeah, there will be tension as soon as Charles will come for me!" I whispered and JK only shrugged.
"It won’t be that bad, don’t worry!" he said and I rolled my eyes.
"He could be on the podium! Maybe even win! And I am the reason why he didn’t even get a single point out of today!" I said and JK squeezed my left shoulder.
"Just give him your puppy eyes and you’re good!" he laughed and I smacked his shoulder, hissing in pain "Okay, you’re in pain!” JK gently took my hand and started stretching my fingers, carefully twisting my wrist and I groaned "Liz! You can’t hide something like that! Race suit off, now!"
I got up from the chair and pulled the zipper of my race suit down, then JK helped pull off the sleeves carefully. He examined the movements I could make without pain, then walked off and watched a replay of my crash on of the screens He watched it again and then came back.
"Why did you grip the steering wheel even tighter? You know to take your hands off the moment you know you’ll crash! I need to see your whole arm, come on." he said and I followed him in the back room where I pulled my fireproofs off, seeing my wrist being already swollen, then he stretched my arm, bent it, pressed my shoulder "Oh Liz, you would’ve left now like this without saying something?" he murmured and I just shrugged "So, nothing’s broken, but it’s definitely heavily bruised. I’d say we let a doc check it, make sure it’s not strained. You want to go to the meds now, they’d give you painkillers?"
"No it’s fine, I just keep it still and that’s okay." I said and he helped me back in my fireproofs "I just want to find Julie, go straight to the media pen and be done with it."
"Good thing I’m already here." Julie chimed in and I nodded.
"Let me just have a look in the mirror." I said and walked into the bathroom, wiped off my face and smoothed down my hair, before I hissed in pain again.
"Stay here." JK gave me a stern look before he walked away again and came back at moment later with some bandages and gauze "I’ll make a temporary splint and sling."
"Thanks, JK." I mumbled and Julie and I walked off "Is it only Logan, Charles and me who are out?"
"No, Esteban and George crashed just one lap after the restart." Julie said and I nodded "I’m sorry, Lizzie, but I have Sky Italy, Germany and UK. Also Canal+."
"Sky Italy? They’ll kill me!" I sighed and Julie nudged me gently.
"It will be fine." she said encouragingly and I simply nodded.
"Hmm. If you say so." I held my head low. Sky Italy will kill me. The Tifosi will kill me. Charles. I just hoped he was having a long talk with his team before he would come into the media pen. Long enough for me to be back in the garage again when he arrived. I took a deep breath and walked up to Mara Sangiorgio.
"Lizzie. Hi. Unfortunate ending to a promising race? What happened?" she asked.
"I underestimated how narrow that corner really was. It was my mistake. I wanted too much. I felt like with the DRS I could overtake Charles, maybe stay ahead of him long enough for him to ruin his tyres as we know the Ferraris’ weak spot are the tyres! But I made a mistake, we touched and unfortunately both spun out."
"Last season you won here…"
"Yeah, last season our car was a little easier to drive, not as stiff as it is now. But it’s getting better and better with each weekend… but today it wasn’t the car, it was me. I made a mistake and that cost me not just my race…" I began before I took a deep breath and continued in Italian, looking straight into the camera "I’m so sorry for Charles, Ferrari and all Tifosi. I misjudged the situation and ended both of our races. I’m really, really sorry to all Tifosi."
"Thank you Lizzie." she smiled at me and I nodded, following Julie to the next interview, right when Charles entered the media pen. I swallowed hard, turning away, trying to focus on my interview. I felt his look on me, but tried to ignore him.
"Sorry? What was the question?" I asked Nathalie who smiled empathically at me.
"I asked if you’re okay? Your arm?" she nodded at my arm in the sling.
"Yeah I kinda held onto the steering wheel a little too tight when I crashed into the wall. It’s a little bruised, my coach just wants to be extra careful." I replied and she nodded.
"Thank you Lizzie, take care."
"Thank you." I smiled a little and looked at Julie.
"Canal+ now and then we’re done."
"Great…" I just knew that Candice Boucher won’t have a single nice word for me.
"Lizzie, hi. What a race." she said, a sneer like smile on her lips "How do you rate your weekend?"
"Weekend? Not too bad. We had a good pace. Quali went okay. The only thing that wasn’t working out as planned was the race-…" I began, just to be interrupted by her.
"The race where you made a crucial mistake, crashing into Charles, ending his race."
"Yes, unfortunately, I steered into Charles and-…"
"Was it just you misjudging the situation or was it a simple lack of… awareness, maybe even something else?" the sweet smile on her lips, didn’t match the icy tone in her voice, or the hard glare of her eyes.
"It was a lack of talent probably." I pressed out and she grinned.
"After races like today, do you understand why there are still some people saying you don’t deserve your seat?" she asked next and I swallowed hard.
"People think what they want. I don’t care." I turned to Julie and she nodded.
"We’re done, thank you." she said and took my arm, leading me away "She’s a bitch."
"But she’s also right…" I sighed right as Charles stepped in front of me.
"What’s with your arm?" he asked gently and I looked down.
"I held onto the steering wheel when I crashed into the wall…" I mumbled, not meeting his eyes "I’m sorry…"
"Were you at the medical centre?"
"I’m going later. But did you hear me? I’m sorry for crashing into you." I repeated.
"I know." he replied and I looked up, right when Mia nudged his shoulder, nodding towards the Canal+ crew "I have to…"
"Yeah. Sure." I nodded and walked off, without another word.
Charles POV:
The after race debrief went by in a blur. I barely listened when Mattia said my name repeatedly and Xavi nudged my arm.
"Charles!" I looked at Mattia and he sighed "Nice that you decided to join the conversation."
"Sorry." I mumbled.
"Races like today can’t happen again. We need every point we can get…"
"It’s not like I asked Lizzie to crash into me?" I said and he nodded.
"I know, but she shouldn’t be able to catch up to you like that? We have way more race pace than the Audis this season…" Mattia sighed and I looked at him.
Was he for real? Lizzie overtook Carlos right before she attempted to overtake me. Yet I didn’t hear him say a word to Carlos being overtaken by her? I looked at Carlos and his father next to him. Like always when we had meetings he was with us. Why? I didn’t understand. But right now I also didn’t care.
"We all need to work on our performance. Our pit stops need to be faster. Our race pace must improve. We have to deliver now. The second half of the season must be ours!" Mattia said and all around the table everyone was mumbling in agreement "Meetings dismissed. Carlos. Charles. I need you two in Maranello. We have new upgrades we want to test before they get finalised." Mattia looked at us and I nodded, then I got up and left. Not speaking to anyone. I hated this season. Nothing was working the way I wanted it to. I was pushing the car every other weekend over its limits and ruined my races. Austria was just luck. Luck, I didn’t know how I managed to get. I also didn’t feel the same kind of support within the team anymore. The fact that I had to sit through strategy meetings alone, while Carlos had his father and cousin by his side, always giving their input, didn’t sit right with me, but I couldn’t change it. Mattia had nothing against it. He was the team principal. It was just another weekend to forget, that ended in a race debrief that left me more than insecure.
When I walked into our hotel room it was silent. A tiny ball underneath the sheets was the only indicator that Lizzie was here. I checked the time and thought that Lizzie maybe went to bed already. Rolled up into a ball, never a good sign. She slept like that when she was feeling unwell, anxious. I grabbed my sweatpants and a shirt then went into the bathroom to get bed ready. I climbed into bed next to her, pulling the blanket up.
"I’m so sorry that I crashed into you…" she said after a while and I turned my head slightly to look at her.
"It’s okay. You made a mistake, we all did at some point." I said quietly "How’s your wrist?"
"It’s okay. A little bruised, but that’s it…"
"Were you at the medical centre?"
"Yeah."
"That’s good."
We laid there in silence when Lizzie turned around, pulling her blanket down a little, her big blue-grey orbs looking at me.
"Are you mad at me?" she whispered and I shook my head.
"I’m not mad, Lizzie. It’s just… I’m scared… the last time you were in a room with him, he almost killed you… just a minute later and… I can’t lose you." I whispered back, tucking some loose strands of hair out of her face.
"You won’t lose me! And I actually meant the race…" she grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles.
"No. I’m not, I’m not happy, sure, it was stupid going for that gap, it was too narrow, no space, you know that. But I also know that I would’ve done the same probably… so yeah, I’m not mad." I chuckled a little.
"After races like today, I kinda understand why everyone thinks that I don’t deserve my seat…" she mumbled and I gently grabbed her chin, tilting her head up, making her look at me.
"Don’t go there, Lizzie. We all had moments like this! Just look at Miami this year! Or France last year! Max and Lewis 2 years ago? We all make mistakes! That doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve our seats!" I said determined and she sighed.
"Maybe you’re right…"
"Not maybe, definitely!" I pulled her into me and she snuggled into my side "I missed you this weekend… I hated that we weren’t talking or rather barely talking…"
"I’m sorry… I just thought that- that you didn’t want to talk to me after I said that I’m considering talking to him…" she whispered and I sighed.
"I didn’t like the thought, but yeah it was a little childish to ignore you…"
"I started it…"
"We need to work on that." I said and she looked at me "Communication. Sometimes we lack of it…"
"I think it’s more me than you."
"No. It’s us equally. When you start to ignore me I have to make you talk to me and vice versa. This is how it should be. More talking."
"Yeah. More talking…" she whispered and started to play with my bracelets as a comfortable silence fell upon us.
"I really can’t lose you…" I mumbled after a while and Lizzie looked up at me.
"You won’t lose me!" she replied but I shook my head.
"I’m just thinking… the amount of times I thought I lost you in the past? What if the next time, luck isn’t on our side?"
"It wasn’t luck! It was always you who saved me!" she scooted closer, cupping my cheeks, making me look at her "It was always you!"
"Yeah but what if I’m not there the next time? What if I’m not fast enough?" my voice barely above a whisper.
"I know that you’ll always be on time!" she kissed the tip of my nose.
"Can I come with you?" I asked and her eyes widened "When you decide that you want to see him? Can I come with you then?"
"I haven’t even decided yet…"
"But when you want to go and see him?" I almost pleaded.
"I wouldn’t want to go without you…" she admitted and I smiled, kissing her gently.
"I honestly don’t want to go to Maranello…" I said while packing my bag.
"It’s just for three days! Come on… suck it up!" Lizzie chuckled and I sighed dramatically.
"I don’t think that any upgrades can fix this car. It’s fucked. I know it. They know it. Everyone knows it. Look at our last results?"
"You mean your win in Austria?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.
"No I mean Canada! Barcelona! Monaco! Baku!-" I began.
"Baku where you were also on the podium? Sprint race and normal race?"
"12 races and 2 podiums… wow…" I stuffed a few socks into the bag.
"Technically 9 races… so yeah, one sprint race podium, one podium and one win in a car that is completely designed for your teammate… who’s also not really performing any better!" she sat up from the bed, looking at me.
"According to the media, he does…" I mumbled.
"Yeah according to the media I don’t deserve my seat… are we believing them? No! Especially not since 90 % of this bullshit is coming from Spain. Of course they have to bash you in order to highlight Carlos… but we know the truth!" she said and I sighed.
"I don’t know. I want to ignore it all, but it’s so damn hard… especially since I kinda have the feeling that some people within Ferrari think so too, you know?" I sat down next to her and she looked at me "I don’t feel like they all believe in me anymore… it changed. It’s like more and more of them are leaning towards Carlos… wanting Mattia to make a decision that Carlos is our number 1 driver." I looked at my hands.
"I feel like the Sainz family has a little too much influence on the team… or rather at the team principal… especially since Santander became the main sponsor…" Lizzie said, grabbing my hand "But you know what they can’t to? No matter how much influence they have? They can’t make Carlos a better driver. You are the better driver. And with a little more luck, a better car and a more reliable team, I’m sure as hell that you can show them all who you are, il predestinato."
"How are you doing that?" I said and pulled her into a tight hug "How do you always find the right words to say?"
"I learned from the best…" she chuckled a little, kissing my cheek "And now go. Drive to Maranello with your head held high and show them who you are. Tell them that the car like this is not drivable and if they want you to compete at the top they need to make some changes!"
"Let’s hope they listen to me…" I said and threw a last shirt into my bag, zipping it close "I’ll call you as soon as I’ve arrived!"
"I’m waiting for your call."
I leaned down and kissed her, her cheeks turning a little red when I pulled away, looking at her.
"Thank you Lizzie…"
I got out of the simulator, Fred waiting for me.
"And? What do you say?" he asked and I smiled a little.
"I mean, if you manage to get the upgrades done like that? The second half of the season might be working out better for us!" I answered slightly optimistic.
"We’re trying our best. But I guess we won’t be able to have the upgrades earlier than Suzuka."
"Better than nothing." I shrugged my shoulders and we walked outside together.
"How are you boy? The last weeks were tough…" Fred asked and I sighed a little, following him into his office when he waved me through the door.
"I’m okay, I think. Yeah sure. It was all a little much from time to time. But I’m focused on the last two races before the break."
"How’s Lizzie? It’s horrible what she has been through. It was sad enough to see her being treated the way she was last season…" Fred poured himself a coffee, offering me one as well but I shook my head.
"The way the media, the fans, even some of the other drivers were making jokes about her wasn’t okay. They went too far. Way too far. You know Lizzie, she doesn’t show you when she’s hurt, but I saw it. I saw how hurt she was and how much what was being written and said affected her…" I said and he nodded. She did an amazing job. P4 in the championship as a rookie? That’s a pretty good result. She showed all her doubters how great she is." Fred said, looking proudly at a picture on his desk. I followed his look and had to smile. A picture of Fred, Lizzie, René and me. The day Fred asked me if I wanted to join the Sauber F1 team for the 2018 season.
"She really did, but there are still enough out there who doubt her… not just her." I added quietly and he looked up from the picture.
"I’ve seen what they write about you Charles. Don’t listen to them. We know what we have in you. Don’t worry about that…" Fred said reassuringly and I nodded slowly "It’s a tough season for us. But we have a win. You brought it to us. Don’t forgot that!"
"I know. It’s just… it’s been tough lately. A lot of noise. Off track as well as on track. I know I’m not performing as well as last season…" I said.
"The car this season isn’t as good as last years. Or at least like last year in the first half of the season… we already are in the middle of the concept of next years car, finalising it." Fred said and I looked at him.
"We have some ideas how to make it faster, how to maximise the performance. I have a good feeling about it."
"Sounds good to me… although I want this season to be over first, before I think about the new season." I said and he nodded.
"We will get there, Charles. Don’t worry." Fred said and I got up "You focus on this year and I focus on next year."
"I will." I smiled and left his office, with a better feeling than before I’ve entered it.
I parked the car and got into the elevator.
"Lizzie?" I called out as soon as I walked inside the flat "Cara mia? Are you here?"
No answer. I dropped my keys off on the drawer and put my bag down on the bed room, pulling out my phone.
"Hey Charlie. Are you back?" Lizzie answered immediately.
"Just got in." I grabbed something to drink and walked into the living room.
"I’m at your mum’s. She’s cutting my hair a little." Lizzie said and I chuckled.
"Ouuuhhh I can’t wait for your new look." I smiled and sat down on the sofa.
"Not a new look, silly. She’s just cutting off my tips. They look a little unhealthy." she said and I heard Maman saying that Lizzie should sit still "Sorry Pascale."
"Then I don’t want to be the cause of you twitching around… see you later." I said.
"Alright. See you. Love you."
"Love you too." I said and hung up.
I switched on the tv and leaned back, scrolling through my phone. Seeing some tribute posts for Jules and I swallowed hard. I almost forgot what day today was. The tributes were beautiful, as always, a lot of them with pictures of Jules and I. I kept scrolling, until I came across a post about me. My season so far. I clicked on the link in the bio, opening an article about me. An article that was published by Marca.
Charles Leclerc - Ferrari’s biggest hope only a shadow of his past self
I read it. With every word the sickening feeling inside me got worse and worse. The things I’ve read over the past weeks all summed up. All the things I’ve criticised myself and everything beyond all laid out in front of me. The last sentences were the final blow.
He was believed to continue his late godfather Jules Bianchi’s, whose death marks the 8th anniversary today, legacy, they called him Il Predestinato, the predestined, but as of lately he doesn’t live up to his name.
I put my phone down. Wiping stray tears off of my cheeks. They were right. They were all right. I just didn’t want to see it.
"Thanks Pascale, it looks amazing!" I kissed her cheek and she laughed.
"I cut off your tips! Nothing more!" she shook her head and I grabbed my phone "Give Charles a kiss from me, oui? Today is a tough day for him…"
"I will, don’t worry. I’ll grab us something to eat and we’ll have a quiet night before we leave tomorrow." we kissed cheeks and I left, pre ordering some food for pick up. Right as I got inside my car I got a text from Joris, with a link to a news article. I opened it and immediately revved the engine, driving straight home to Charles.
I unlocked the door and entered the dark flat. Not a single light was switched on, silence. Charles keys on the drawer, he was at home. I took my shoes off and walked through the hallway, as I came into the living room he sat at his piano, dark room, hands in his lap, head hung low, hair dishevelled, eyes on the keys.
"Charles?" I said quietly, he didn’t even flinch. He just sat up, wiped his face with his hands, turned around and put on a smile, more fake than anything I’ve ever seen before. His eyes betrayed him, they looked lost, almost dead "Hey, my pretty boy." I walked up to him and he got up.
"Hi, cara mia." he said it with a weak voice then he cleared his throat "Are you hungry? I think there’s some leftover pasta?" he wanted to walk away but I grabbed his hand.
"Charles, talk to me, please." I pleaded but he just shook his head.
"Lizzie, it’s nothing! I’m fine! It was just an article, I’m used to it!" he said and pulled his hand out of my grasp, I could see the tears gathering at his waterline, as he walked away.
"Charles, we promised we’d always be honest!" I whispered and he stopped abruptly "We said we never lie to each other." my voice falters and he turned around.
He looked at me for a second before his resolve started to crumble and I could see all the pain, exhaustion, anxiety, disappointment, hurt, pressure and fear of the last weeks in his face. I could see how everything seemed to came crushing down on him at this very moment and he began to tremble, I made a step towards him but he took one step back, I stopped dead in my tracks and he looked at me shocked.
"I’m sorry!" his voice was hoarse and raspy I only nodded and took another cautious step towards him but this time he didn’t move, so I stepped in front of him and he looked down to the ground. His breathing was shallow.
"I’ve read it… what they’re saying… what if they’re really thinking like that? What if everyone agrees? What if it’s the truth and we just don’t want to see it?" he whispered and I took his hand in mine "I’m not good enough, not anymore, I thought after last year we’re on a good way, but we’re not and I’m clearly part of the problem! I’m underperforming, I make mistake after mistake, fuck, Miami! Twice in the same fucking wall! Baku? Also in the wall! Then 2 DNFs! Carlos is outperforming me this season! What if they’re all right and I don’t have what it takes to become a World Champion. What if I never be able to make Jules and Papa proud like that?" tears running down his cheeks.
"Hey! Look at me, Charles! Enough, okay? That’s enough! I said it in Austria before! It’s enough! This whole stupid narrative that he is the better driver, that he’s the one who brings home the big points? He carries this season on his shoulders? Fuck this shit? The people saying that! Charles you had two DNFs, both not your fault! And he is only a handful of points ahead! So what?! That’s not a driver who carries a team! You won a race and had another podium! And another sprint race podium! You had a pole already! And that all with a car that is clearly designed for him? And a shit box in general! Oh please! And that he is so fucking obsessed with you lately and has to rant in every fucking interview? And then Ferrari wants to shut me up? They should keep their side of the street clean before they come for mine! You are the number one! Everyone can see it! They should start to value you, before someone else will! It’s bullshit that all the interests in you died down apparently! I know that Felix would love to have you in our team! And Christian is a weird ass at times but he would hire you in no time at all! Fuck I think even Mercedes would give you rather than Mick the seat if Lewis would retire! Every other team on the grid would take you in, no doubt!" I said, recounting everything that has been mentioned in the article, but he only shook his head.
"You’re my girlfriend! Of course you think like that…" he mumbled and I scoffed.
"Listen to me, Leclerc. I never lied to you about your abilities! I never lied to you when it came to your skills, your talent! And I’m not starting now with it! So when I say that you are World Champion material and he is not, I’m saying that because I raced you my entire life and I know it! You hear me? I know it!" I said it with a stern voice.
"I don’t know, Lizzie. Lately I’m just tired of it all, I don’t know if it’s all worth it anymore…" he looked at the ground again.
"What are you saying?" I looke at him confused.
"There is no other team for me… it was always like this. Ferrari or nothing… but I have failed the team, the Tifosi, you! And the team clearly doesn’t have faith in me anymore. There is so much going on in the team, Lizzie, things I can’t tell you. The politics have changed. Fred tries his best to keep me going, to reassure me, but he’s not my team principal, he’s not the one who makes the decisions. He’s involved in the car development for next year, he’s more doing internal stuff. But the rest of the team? I feel like a lot of them lost their faith in me! And I can’t even blame them! It’s just… fuck! There is no one fighting for me, there is just no one in my fucking corner. And I can’t do it alone. I can’t continue like this. Not when I don’t know who still has my back. Not when I don’t know who to trust anymore." his voice broke and he buried his face in his hands. My heart broke, I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tight. His body began to tremble and he started sobbing.
"I can’t do it anymore, Lizzie. I just… I can’t… it’s just too much. I-I’m a failure and I’m… I’m never… I can’t… It’s just so hard… I just…" his breathing was staggering and he began to shake violently "I can’t… Lizzie I can’t… breathe…" he was almost unable to say the words.
I guided him to the sofa and pushed him down, then kneeled in between his legs and cradled his face between my hands. His breathing was shallow, his hands were shaking, lips trembling, silent tears running down his cheeks, as he desperately gasped for air.
"Charles, listen to me, ok? Can you do that for me?" he tried to take a deep breath but his breathing stopped abruptly "Charles! You’re having a panic attack! Listen to me, focus on my voice! Please! You need to focus on my voice, can you do that for me?" he looked me in the eyes, nodding slightly "Ok, good! You need to breathe with me! Inhale and hold it in okay? Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5… exhale, 1,2,3,4,5. Good job, you’re doing amazing! And again…" His breathing was still ragged but at least a little steadier than before.
"It hurts… it hurts to breathe…" he whispered and closed his eyes.
"I know, Charlie, I know… but we have to keep going, okay? Just for a bit until your breathing steadies okay?" I whispered and he nodded leaning his head down, resting his forehead against mine "Breathe with me…"
I pulled the blanket over his shoulders, shut off the bedside lamp, kissed his cheek and quietly left the room. Shutting the door. I sat down on the sofa pulling out my phone.
"Lizzie, is everything okay?" Dad asked as he picked up "Did something happen?"
"What? Why?" I was confused.
"It’s almost 11, you never call that late?" he answered and I shook my head, of course.
"Shit, I’m sorry Pops, I forgot about the time when…" I began but stopped, how do I explain what was going on for the past 2.5 hours?
"Is Charles okay? After that article? And then published today out of all days? He doesn’t believe a word of it, does he?" Dad asked and I half sighed, half sobbed "Hey! What’s going on, Lizzie?"
"Dad, we have to do something! They’re destroying him… he can’t be there anymore, not alone!"
"At Ferrari? What’s going on?" he asked and I didn’t even know where to start.
"I don’t know what’s going on at Ferrari… but he said that he feels like his team lost their faith in him? Like he has no one in his corner standing up for him? Fighting for him?" my voice was trembling "I could see over the past few weeks that something was going on. He dreaded going to Maranello, when did that ever happen? He didn’t highlight at every given opportunity how much he loves his team, believes in his team. And then I heard some mechanics talking about how they find it weird that Carlos, his father and cousin are at the strategy meetings sometimes? Race debriefs? That they sometimes have the feeling that they talk Mattia and Co. into giving him the better strategy. Fighting for him, while Charles is all alone! Nicholas can’t be there all the time, he has other clients. And he’s also just his manager! But Charles needs someone who fights for him! He needs a father figure standing up for him! Someone who has his back, the way Carlos dad has his!" I cried at this point while Dad was awfully quiet "Dad, I’m scared for him! First Miami? Then Baku? God Austria! The last weeks the light disappeared again out of his eyes! And then all of this shit with Diaz and me? That’s just making it all worse! I don’t know what to do anymore! I always try to talk him out of this thoughts, always try to make him see how good he really is. But today? I couldn’t get through to him. He believes every single word written in this damn article! And I just know that Diaz has something to do with it! I don’t know what to do… the last time when he was like this was after Hervé’s death, but he had racing as distraction and he loved it! But now… he spoke about quitting, he didn’t said it like that, but that was what he meant!"
"Lizzie, calm down, okay? Is he okay? Where is Charles now?" Dad asked calmly.
"He’s sleeping now. He had a panic attack, he couldn’t breathe anymore! Dad he broke down in my arms… I can’t see him like this anymore!" I almost whispered it.
"You won’t. It’s enough now. Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’ll take care of it." Dad reassured me.
"But how?" I asked exhausted.
"I’ll go and have a talk with Nicholas, we will find a solution how we put someone in his corner, someone who’s fighting for him!" he said it with determination and I nodded to myself, feeling the exhaustion taking over "I promised his dad something, and I will hold onto that promise! And now, my Lizzie. Go to sleep. You sound exhausted and tired. It’s all going to be okay, I promise you." Dad said quietly.
"Thanks Dad! Good night, love you!" I said.
"Good night, my little owl. I love you too, both of you!"
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Chapter 35 - a "shorter" one (the first under 10k words after a long while)… poor Charles. Just when we thought our lovebirds might get their well deserved break 👀😬
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All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).
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userverstappen · 8 months
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charles_leclerc: It’s race week again, last push before the summer break 🇧🇪
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kpop-locks · 2 years
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꒰ ˀˀ ↷ cl ; simple+edit ”♡ᵎ ꒱
like/reblog | @awaregei
don’t repost our work or claim it as yours
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petit-papillion · 2 months
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Eyes, nose, ears, lips... Perfection!
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[Photo credit to original owners / black & white edits by me]
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lestappenfiles · 2 months
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Charles | L'officiel Italia 2022 by Joseph Degbadjo. (edited)
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simgerale · 5 days
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during her morning jog in the snow, arlie decided that today would be a good day. what better way to start it off than a coffee date with friends?
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claudtrait · 16 days
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