#chubby darth vader

[marshmallowdarling]

heyyy uhh

I dont know how many reqs you have so I'll keep it short, dw! but darth vader (actually Vader; most ppl i've seen tag it as darth vader when its not, yk?😅) "reuniting" w/ a gn friend of his, but the reunion is them being captive 😀👍. like maybe the friend was captured bcuz he was hunting for jedis, or they were helping ppl escape and that backfired on them.

you're free to choose how his friend got captured cuz im just throwin ideas. so many scenarios lmao 😆😆😆

I'm finally back!!

So sorry for being away for so long and so sorry for taking so long to get to this request, I stopped writing it half way through the first bit and realised I might have fucked up the request but kept going anyways lol so sorry if it wasn't how you imagined!!

I tried making it a little more yandere at the end but I will 100% write a few head canons or more one shots after about how life would be after this if anyones interested!! :D

Remember my request are still open!!

✧3735 words ✧ Vader x Reader ✧ Sher/Her pronouns

Hope you enjoy bubs!

~Mwah!

(Y/N) never wanted to be a jedi, not really. She wanted to help people of course but did she really want this life?

Her question was answered after her dear friend Anakin died; no, she didn’t want this life.

She wanted a life of her own, to not have to train every day with multiple weapons, to not have to stress about every movement she makes. 

She wanted a life where she could sleep in, where she could just breathe and live and do mundane things, where she could make connections and love. 

But the force works in mysterious ways and after (Y/N) had grown up, settling down in a small town and having a small shop that she adored as it played into her hobby, she was yanked back into the life she had left behind.

Obi wan had reached out to get her to help the resistance, she was apprehensive at first but after seeing him come back to her shop a bloody mess with her childhood friend Ahsoka, she had reluctantly agreed to help him just to help people escape the empire. 

“I thought you said there wouldn’t be any troopers here.” (Y/N) hisses, using the force to yank a metal box towards three troopers and slam them into the wall. She barely misses the blaster shot as she jerks her body behind another crate.

Crouching down to cover herself, she fumbles to get her (borrowed) blaster from her thigh holster before peeking out and taking a few bad shots. 

Ahsoka uses the distraction to take down the last two troopers before looking down at (Y/N) and extending her hand. “It wasn’t a part of the plan.” They both grunt as she hauls her friend up. 

“When does anything ever go according to plan” (Y/N) grumbles as she dusts herself off. 

Ahsoka just chuckles before looking around they alley way they were forced into. “Master Kenobi said the captured Jedi’s are around here, we already made a scene so we should just go without him. If they caught us off guard, we should probably assume he’s not doing well on his end either.” 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Come on this way.” (Y/N) whispers to an injured Jedi as she helps them walk in the cover of the night. “We’re almost there, just hold on a little bit more.” Her eyes glance at the wound at their side, blood already seeping through the fabric she had ripped from her outfit and used as a makeshift bandage. 

Panic shoots up her spine as (Y/N) throws herself and the Jedi to the side just barely missing the swipe of a saber. 

Rolling over to push herself up by her arms she doesn’t miss the boot that slams into her stomach, a silent scream creeps up her throat as her mouth widens at the blunt pain. 

She had never seen him in the flesh, but anyone could figure out who that black booted foot belongs too. 

Darth Vader.

Gritting her teeth in pain she grabs his ankle to haul her body up slightly as her other hand comes and pushes behind his knee to make him drop. 

‘GO! GET TO THE OTHERS AND GET THE KRIFF OUT OF HERE!’ She yells to the Jedi using the force as Vader swings his arm and lands a right hook. 

(Y/N) says good bye to her life as she focuses everything on just making sure Vader is distracted enough to let the injured Jedi and the rest escape. She sees them start to crawl to the wall to haul their body up in their peripheral, but she just elbows Vader’s chin making his helmet covered face tilt up. 

 This is the first time she had seen him; she can see a hazy reflection of herself in the black metal of his armour, but she gets flown back and slammed into the ground as he reaches out his hand and uses the force to pin her down. 

Her torso gets the brunt of the attack and she flicks her wrist to get a few scattered rocks and stones thrown at him. They don’t do much damage as his armour takes the brunt of it, but it throws him off enough to let her grab her blaster and take a few shots making him release his force. 

Two hit his chest head on, his armour taking the shots as he remained unharmed, whilst the others miss pathetically. 

“You’re a pathetic excuse for a Jedi.” His voice booms out, modulated from his helmet but still unbelievably deep as he snarls. His arm extends to use the force again, but she takes a few more shots at his arm making him flinch back. 

“I am no Jedi.” She spits back, the hood covering her form starts to lift as the wind picks up but it manages to stay on. “You must not be as smart as they say you are if you really can’t see my plan.” 

Finally seeing that the Jedi is out of sight, (Y/N) throws all her force at him. Vader gets thrown back a few inches but stays strong to the rest as he swipes his arm out and knocks her off her feet, his raises his arm and moves her around like a rag doll in the air before he slams her down into the ground, keeping her pinned there. 

She can barely move her fingers this time, not even a twitch as she sees his figure start to walk towards her. Pressure starts enclosing around her throat, blocking her air supply as she tries to rip her arms away, but they just lay there helplessly. She gasps, gritting her teeth to try and do anything but all she can manage is to kick her feet as the wind finally rips away her hood, instantly slapping her face with the cold chilling air. 

Her vision starts to bleed in and out as her head spins from the lack of oxygen, (Y/N) manages to see Vader now looming over her figure and she thinks she sees him recoil back once he finally gets a look at her face. 

The invisible hand around her throat and pinning her limbs down let go almost instantly. She flings her body up and immediately gulps down air and coughs, everything hurts and throbs in pain, but she can’t think about anything as her hands come up to cradle her throat as she tries to fight off unconsciousness and steady her breathing. 

(Y/N)’s mind finally comes back to her as she cranes her neck up to see Vader just standing there. 

“Wh-What?” She manages to croak out as her throat screams in protest, tears she didn’t know were now spilling to coming down her chin. 

A weird crackling sound comes out and she thinks it’s his modulated breathing as he just stares. 

She wants to fight, to do anything but sit there on the ground pathetically but it takes everything in her just to loll her head up at him, her body feeling like lead as new bruises start to flourish with old ones. It had been days of fighting and running and healing injured Jedi without any rest.

(Y/N) was never the strongest and after years of not training or using any force, she had become weak. 

He says something, she thinks it’s a name, her name?

But her eyes finally close as her body falls to the side and her brain drags her to sleep. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

(Y/N) shuffles around a bit on the plush bed to get herself comfortable before her mind starts to darken again, the silk sheets feeling soft and light yet warm. 

Wait sheets? Bed?

Throwing her body up, the black sheets pool at her waist as she frantically looks around the room. 

It’s a room of some sorts, maybe on a ship? The walls are metal and the room’s big but bare with anything personalised. 

She remembers the fight with Vader, thinking she was going to die but he just let her go and then she passed out. 

The room spins as her vision finally clears its sleepy haze and the more she tries to focus the more the throbbing pain in her head hurts. Her body is so sore, and it feels like she has to use every piece of strength in her body to try and pick up her arm. 

Nausea creeps up her throat and she groans as she curls into herself. 

Hearing the door open, she forces her body up right as she watches Vader stride in, there’s no words exchanged as he closes the door and takes a few steps towards the bed.

They both stare at each other, (Y/N) staring into the eyes of his helmet to try and search for his eyes and Vader looking in those familiar (E/C) orbs he used to search comfort in. 

Slowly, he starts to lift his helmet off and (Y/N) goes to stop him but it dies in her throat when she sees his face. 

“Anakin?” Her voice is so soft he barely misses it, he wants to correct her and say that Anakin is dead but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. 

(Y/N) doesn’t know what to do, she wants to swear at him, she wants to jump and scream and hug him so tight but… 

“You’re…. You’re not Anakin.” She says slowly. 

She can see the hurt flash in his eyes before he looks away and puts his helmet back on. They both return to silence before (Y/N) speaks again.

“What do you want from me? Why am I here? Why didn’t you just…” She trails off, her head pounding harder as she thinks about her childhood best friend ending her life. 

“Just what? Kill you?” His voice comes out sharp, but the ugly sound of his modulator crackling tells her his voice strained. 

(Y/N) pushes herself up by her arm to sit properly as he watches her through his visor. “You fought with Master Obi-Won and fought to kill. Why didn’t you do that to me once you saw who I was?” 

“That’s different” Vader’s voice comes out uncharacteristically high, but he calms himself before continuing. “You are in my bedroom and you will be here until I say so. I’ll go get you some medicine and food.”

His black cape flows as he turns around to leave but (Y/N) leans forward to try and make him stay. 

“Wait! Anakin-” 

“It’s Vader now!” He snaps cutting her off. “And don’t think of leaving this room, your injured and I have the door locked with guards stationed outside. Just sit down and do nothing, like you have done for years.” 

The last few words digs a knife into her heart but she doesn’t even have the time to properly react before he’s out of the room with the sound of the door sliding closed. 

(Y/N) stares blankly at the door as her head falls back to softly thunk against the bed post. 

Had her Anakin really turned into this? Into the monster that is Darth Vader? 

A few tears escape her eyes that she’s too exhausted to wipe away. “Oh Anakin, what did they do to you?” 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Like he had said, Vader came back into the room a few minutes later with a bowl of some sort of bone broth, a cup of water and some bacta patches. 

He straightens out the sheets at her lap before placing the tray down before giving her a once over and disappearing into what (Y/N) thinks is a connected refresher. 

Picking up the spoon, she swirls the bone broth a bit before taking a small tentative sip. It hits her tongue, and she has to stop herself from humming. Days on the run with limited bad tasting food made this simple broth taste divine on her tongue, but as soon as she swallows, she feels her stomach churn. 

(Y/N) drops the spoon back into the bowl, it makes a small splash that barely misses her clothes but she ignores it to sling one arm over her stomach. 

Hearing Vader return, she doesn’t have it in her to look up at him as she closes her eyes. 

“You need to eat.” It’s a command, his voice having no trace of the man it used to belong to. 

“Why am I here.” Her voice is so soft that even Vader’s helmet almost misses it, but he doesn’t, and he doesn’t know how to respond.

He hesitates before taking a few tentative steps closer to the bed. “Why didn’t you become a Jedi?” 

Opening her eyes to watch him, her eyes flash to show her Anakin, the one who was always curled into himself in the middle of the nights when he was caught up in the darkness of his mind. 

“Because it wasn’t the life for me.” She manages to say softly. “I wanted to love, to feel without any consequences. I wanted to help people, but I knew I wasn’t cut out to help people how Jedi’s do.”

“Then why did you come back?” He takes off his helmet again, placing it at the foot of the bed before slowly getting on his knees.

The scene must look comical to any outsider, the feared Darth Vader on his knees for some random girl.

(Y/N) has to physically restrain herself from reaching her hand out by hugging herself and tucks her hands in her pits. 

“This time I could help people properly. People were getting hurt and I could help them, why wouldn’t I?” 

She was always doing that, wasn’t she? Always helping people even if it meant she had to do things she didn’t want to. 

Vader wants to shake her shoulders, to shout at her that everyone’s selfish and just using her. To call her selfish for making him stay as a Jedi before leaving it all behind. But most of all, he wants to collapse in her arms and tell her everything, all the pain he endured and everything he had to do that he wouldn’t even think about telling anyone else. 

He doesn’t even realise he’s deep in thought before he sees her moving to place his helmet back on, now half sitting on the edge of the bed near him. 

“Va- Anakin.” She corrects herself before whispering whilst keeping her touch as delicate as possible. “I can see that you’re struggling to breathe.”

When his helmet finally does lock in place, Vader takes a few deep breaths. He had pressurised his room obviously, but he had to keep it just under his comfortable levels to make sure it didn’t affect (Y/N). 

The words slip out of her mouth before she can stop them. “What happened?” They come out soft, but he can feel the hurt behind them and it makes his blood boil. 

“How could you possibly ask that?” His modulator now booms his voice. “You saw how they were, they were the reason for her death and you even left!” 

The mention of Padmè squeezes (Y/N)’s heart but she just furrows her brows.

“So all of that just justifies you killing millions of innocent people?” Her voice raises as well but he crosses his large arms across his chest plate. 

“You don’t understand-”

“No, you don’t understand Anakin!” She cuts him off, now standing on wobbly legs. “You’re hurting people, people like me who just want to live!” 

Standing in-front of him now, yelling at him without listening, reminds Vader of Obi-wan and he snaps. 

“I AM VADER! ANAKIN IS DEAD!” His voice rattles the room and shocks (Y/N) to drop back down on the bed. “People like you? Don’t make me laugh.” A cackle gets cut off by his modulator, but it’s filled with coldness. “Your selfish, sitting around while people get hurt. You only care when they start to bother your own little world. Where were you when Padmè died? Where were you when I was getting hurt? You just want to help people to fill that pathetic hole in your chest, so don’t you dare think you can talk to me about any of this.” He sneers before turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him, leaving (Y/N) sitting their heart broken. 

Looking down at her (S/C) palms, her body shakes with her sobs. 

Anakin really is dead. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A few days pass, maybe a week?

(Y/N) doesn’t kriffin know but she does know is that her body has finally recovered mostly, some wounds still need a few more days but there’s no risk of tearing anything open and she finally doesn’t feel nauseous and dizzy anymore.

Happy with her new found health, now the dreaded thoughts of what will happen to her finally sink in as her mind isn’t fogged up with pain.

Vader made it out like he hated her, he despised her life and even though she hadn’t seen him since that day, a storm trooper always came in with food and things she would need for the day.

It made no sense and she’s tired. 

She left this life because she couldn’t handle it and now, she’s forcefully thrusted back in only to be caught up in more stuff? 

(Y/N) never wanted this. 

Standing from the chair, she walks over to the sliding door that was always locked and started banging. Like always, the storm troopers stationed there at every hour and rotating depending on shifts, called back asking what she needed.

“I want to talk to Vader, now.” Her snappy voice makes them hesitate, they had strict rules to keep her in the room and not to talk more than necessary and there were no rules to state that she couldn’t ask for the black armoured man himself, but they had seen how angry he had barged out of the room. 

Finally giving into the demands, they look at each other before calling out they would send someone to fetch him and in a few minutes Vader himself was walking through the halls.

All troopers and anyone in the vicinity tense up and looks away but he ignores them before slamming the hatch open and locking it behind him. 

“What do you gain from keeping me here Vader? What do you want from me? This is the last time I’m asking this and if you don’t answer me, I will do everything in my power to leave.” (Y/N) usual voice is devoid of any fun or sarcasm or tenderness as she gets straight to the point, not letting him even acknowledge her.

Taking a few steps towards from the wall, he leaves decent space between them both but still enough to keep a comfortable conversation.

“Do you really not know why you are here?” His modulated voice still startles the female but the anger in her veins smooth over that. 

Crossing her arms, she leans onto her front leg. “How could I? You seem to hate my existence, yet you ordered for me to be taken cared of, but I’m not allowed to leave. You won’t even answer my questions.” Her arms come up and wave to emphasize her point but Vader just stares. He had forgotten how her little habits actually looked, he could never forget but the years apart had fogged up his imagery of the memories. 

Finally feeling as if there is no other way to express himself, he just simply states. “I love you, that’s why you are staying here.”

(Y/N)’s mind reels so hard that she stumbles back, her ass landing right on the chair she had left untucked. 

Shaking her head, (Y/N) feels like she’s dreaming because this couldn’t be real. “You- You can’t! You said it yourself, I’m selfish and horrible and you called me pathetic! You loved Padmé! How could you love me?” Tears start pouring down her face, but she doesn’t even realise as she looks through his armour and straight into his heart, trying to search for the Anakin she knew and, admittedly, loved, but she can’t find him and all she can see is a stranger. 

Vader winces at her tears, it feels like someone is physically ripping his heart out when he sees her cry, but he just takes a deep breath before striding over and crouching. 

“I’ve loved you since we were kids, but I didn’t realise until Padmé died that the love I felt for you and her are different.” His gloved hand comes up to wipe away a tear, a little rougher than he had wanted but he had never touched someone as delicately as he was touching her now. 

Hiccups and whimpers leave her throat as sobs wrack (Y/N) body before she abruptly stands up and shakes her head. “This- This ca-can’t be happening.” Her voice cracks slightly but Vader just stands up aswell and grabs her arm gently to make sure she doesn’t fall.

“This is real, the faster you accept that the faster you can acclimate to your new home.” Again, Vader is a bit harsher than he had wanted but he had never thought about anyone’s emotions other than his own for years. 

Ripping his arm off her, (Y/N) growls. “This isn’t my home, this will never be my home. You took me away from my home.” 

She moves to run to the door but she gets yanked back by her waist and gets thrown onto the bed, the plush surface doesn’t do any damage but the fast movement disorientates (Y/N) enough to let him pin her legs down with his own and restrain her wrists with one of his own. 

“It doesn’t matter if you tell yourself this isn’t your home because now it is.” The hiss that escapes his throat crackles horribly from his modulator, but he just presses her wrists down harder to make sure her (e/c) orbs focus on him. “You’re staying here weather you like it or not, so it’s best if you start faking it or the only person who’s going to be affected by your struggling is yourself.” 

Her hiccups and tears return as she started into the damned black visor, Anakin had really died and left behind this love sick monster hu?

Closing her eyes tightly to block out everything out as her legs stop trying to twist away, the last though in her mind rings out before she finally stops struggling.

‘I’m sorry Anakin.’ 

#tw yandere #soft!yandere #soft yandere #chubby reader #darling core #Yandere vader #yandere Darth vader #yandere anakin skywalker #yandere #ask #cw yandere #soft yandere Darth vader #dark!anakin

[8krislink8]

Darth Vader squeezing his chubby soldier), 'cause it's Valentine's day

#art #big boy #chonk #fat #chubby #fan art #Darth Vader #stormtrooper #obese belly

[raynebul]

SOME LEAK INFORMATION ABOUT ALL FOR ONE PRIVATE LIFE!!!!!

Hi! My name is *censored*, and I had a change to take an interview with All For One, and thats what i have found about him and his... private life...

So, i had i chance to interview him. And of course, i started to ask him very important questions. About his family, of course.

First of all, he didn't want to give me honest answer, but when i asked him about Izuku, the answer was...:

So, i gained his trust (i guess so...) and became deep more and more...

So, it is confirmed that he has kink for some bdsm practice. I asked him about his position in these practices:

And also this....

So, even he is a blooming villian, he has some feelings for his wife. Just maybe a litle bit confused. LOL.

Also, he is a fucking Darth Vader

His opinion about his son and brother Yochi.

Quite cute that even he is a villian, he still has feelings for his dear son...

Okay, i will no comment about this. This is just fucking funny

Also, we now have a confirmation about who made his cringe costume for last battle:

I also tried to talk about legacy and will he choose family over his villian status. The answer was...

We will return to this question later. Cause we have more important questions.

Izuku wii have brother or sister~

Did you remeber this quy? The one who bullied Izuku.

Well, i had to question all for one about him, and...

Also, he is a little bit afraid of his fangirls:

HE LOVES CHUBBY VERSION OF INKO ❤️❤️❤️

The Simp King

So, return to his family and legacy. After some nice talk, he confirmed that he will return to his family someday and choose them over his status:

SO... THAT's all, i guess.

P. S. Remember, Everything that All For One said is made up and i used character AI for some fun conversation. SO, dont take it too seriously and have some fun with that!

#my hero academia #all for one #daddy for one #dad for one #boku no hero academia #character ai #ai

[conarcoin]

Giggeli - Penis Candles & Soaps Handmade in Kallio, Helsinki, Finland

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+800 Nicknames for Penis: A Comprehensive List for Different Ways to Call a Penis

+800 Nicknames for Penis: A Comprehensive List for Different Ways to Call a Penis

GIGGELI

Dicks can be referred to in a variety of ways. A collection of more than 800 additional words for the penis in alphabetical order is provided in this article. This list includes both common slang terminology and more uncommon and obscure words that are all related to the penis.

+800 Different Words for Penis: A Comprehensive List

Anaconda

Antenna

Appendage

Armadillo

Arrow

Baby maker

Baguette

Bald Avenger

Bald-headed giggle stick

Bally Wacker

Banana

Banger

Baseball bat

Baton

Bayonet

Beast

Beef bayonet

Beef whistle

Bellend

Big boy

Big guy

Biscuit

Bishop

Black mamba

Blastocyst

Blood sausage

Blue-veined custard chucker

Blue-veined junket pumper

Boaby

Bobbin

Bollocks

Bologna pony

Bolt

Bone

Boner

Booboo

Boom stick

Boot

Bopper

Botswana beef bayonet

Bouncer

Bouncing Betty

Braciole

Brain

Branch

Bratwurst

Broccoli

Broccoli spear

Brown trout

Brownie

Brutus and the Twins

Bubble

Bubble gum machine

Buckaroo

Buckwheat

Buddah's belly button

Buffalo soldier

Bulge

Bull

Bull's-eye

Bully beef

Bully stick

Bum tickler

Bumper

Burrito

Buster

Butt dart

Butterbean

Button

Caber

Cabeza

Cactus

Cadbury's c

Cajones

Camel toe

Cane

Cannoli

Captain winky

Capuchin

Carrot

Cervix sentinel

Chameleon

Champignon

Cheese log

Cheesestick

Chef's special

Cherub

Chicken

Chico stick

Choad

Chode

Chopper

Chowder

Christmas goose

Chub

Chubby

Chuck Dickens

Cigar

Cinnamon roll

Clam

Classic

Clit stick

Cloak

Clock

Club

Cobra

Cock

Cod

Colossus

Commander

Cone

Conga

Conquistador

Consolation prize

Cookie

Corkscrew

Corn dog

Cornholio

Cornish game hen

Corporal

Cossack

Cougar bait

Coxcomb

Crank

Crankshaft

Creamer

Crimper

Crimson mushroom

Crinkle-cut

Crown jewels

Crunchwrap

Crème de la crème

Cucumber

Cummerbund

Custard launcher

Cylinder

D's

Dagger

Dallas Dangler

Danger noodle

Darth Vader

Deep sea diver

Dick

Dickas Hilton

Ding dong

Ding-dong

Dingaling

Dipstick

Disco stick

Dismount

Divining rod

DJ

Dog

Doggy

Dolly

Dong

Donkey

Doorknob

Dope stick

Dork

Dormouse

Double barrel

Double dragon

Downstairs department

Drainpipe

Driller

Drumstick

Dude piston

Dumb stick

Dutch courage

Dutch rudder

Excalibur

Firehose

Franks and beans

Gerald

Gherkin

Giggeli

Goldfinger

Groin

Hammer

hammer of love

Hammer of Thor

handle

hard drive

Hard-on

hardware

hatchet wound

he-man

heat-seeking missile

heat-seeking moisture missile

helmet

herbie

Hercules

high hard one

hoo-ha

hoo-hoo

hook

horn

Hose

hose

hot dog

hot rod

hot sausage

Humphrey

hymie

iceberg

Indiana Bones

Jack in the box

Jack's magic beanstalk

Jackhammer

jammy

janitor in the hallway

java

javelin

jawbreaker

Jedi

Jefferson

jelly doughnut

Jenny Craig

Jerry

jiffy stick

Jimmy

Jizz Launcher

John Henry

John Johnson

Johnson

Jorma

Joy-stick

Joystick

joystick

Judge

Juicy fruit

jumbo

Jumper

Junior

Junk

junk

justin

Justus

Kaiser

kebab

Keck

Kennedy

kielbasa

King Ding Dong

King Kong

King Richard

King size

King snake

King's scepter

King's sword

Kipper

Kitty

Knob

Knobgoblin

Knobhead

Knobkerrie

Knobstick

Kraken

Krull the Warrior King

Kulli

Kyrpä

L'Engin

L'Outil

L'Unita

Lady-pleaser

Laidy's lollypop

Lance

Lancer

Lava flow

Leader

Leaky faucet

Leatherman

Lechon

Leek

Leg

Leg of lamb

Leg of mutton

Leggy

Lemon

Lemondrop

Length

Lengthy

Leo

Leosaurus

Leper

Leroy

Leviathan

Libido

Lick

Lickety-split

Lighthouse

Lightning rod

Lil' bro

Lil' willy

Lily

Lima

Limber dick

Limber jimmy

Limbo

Limousine

Limp biscuit

Limp noodle

Limp penis

Limp-dick

Limp-jim

Limpkin

Lincoln

Lindy

Lingam

Link

Linty

Lion

Lipstick

Liquidator

Liquor stick

Lissome

Little birdie

Little bro

Little chap

Little guy

Little head

Little john

Little man

Little peter

Little soldier

Little willy

Lizard

Lizard tongue

Locomotive

Log

Lollipop

Long Dong Silver

Long dong silver

Long fellow

Long john

Long johnson

Long one

Long stick

Longfellow

Longfellow diller

Longhorn

Longie

Longjohn

Longshanks

Longstaff

Magic Mike

Magic stick

Magic Wand

Magic wand

Manhood

Meat Scepter

Meat stick

Member

Micropenis

Mini-me

Missile

Moby Dick

Mojo

Monster

Mount Vesuvius

Mr. Happy

Mr. Winky

Mule

Mushroom

Mushroom Head

Mutton

Myrtle

Nard

Nether rod

One-eye Pete

One-Eyed Monster

One-eyed monster

One-Eyed Snake

One-eyed trouser snake

One-eyed wonder weasel

Organ

Package

Packer

Packing heat

Pecker

Pee-Pee

Pee-pee

Peen

Pencil

Pencil dick

Penile appendage

Penile shaft

Penile tissue

Penile unit

Penile weapon

Penis

Pepperoncini

Peter

Phallos

Phallus

Piece

Pink Oboe

Pintle

Pipe

Pistol

Piston

Pleasure Stick

Plonker

Pocket Rocket

Pogo stick

Poker

Pole

Popcorn

Pork Sword

Prick

Private

Private part

Purple-headed yogurt slinger

Purple-helmeted trouser snake

Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love

Purple-helmeted warrior of love

Purple-helmeted yogurt thrower

Python

Quiver bone

Ramrod

Ranger

Rascal

Red-capped mushroom

Rod

Root of Jesse

Rude boy

Sausage

Scepter

Schlong

Schwanz

Schwanzstucker

Schwetty balls

Scooby Snack

Screwdriver

Scrod

Scrotum

Sea monster

Secret weapon

Shaft

Shillelagh

Shiv

Shlong

Skin Flute

Skin flute

Skinner

Slingblade

Slug

Slugger

Smacker

Snake

Snapper

Soldier

Spam javelin

Spear

Speed Bump

Speedboat

Spigot

Spigot of love

Spitstick

Spitter

Sponge

Spongebob

Sprout

Spunk gun

Spurt gun

Squirt gun

Staff

Stallion

Stand

Stand up

Starfruit

Stick

Stiffie

Stiffy

Stinger

Stock

Stone

Stone of David

Stonehenge

Stonker

Stopper

Striker

Stud

Stump

Submarine

Sugar stick

Super soaker

Supercock

Surfboard

Swamp lizard

Swansong

Sweetmeat

Swiss Army Penis

Swizzle stick

Sword

Tabasco

Tadger

Tail

Tall tommy

tally

Tallywacker

tallywhacker

Tang

Tank

tapa

Tassle

Tasty pastry

tater

Tazmanian devil

Tea and crumpets

Tea stick

Telescoping tower

Tent peg

Testicle

Testicles

testicular tissue

testiculi

testies

testons

testosterbone

The anaconda

The baton

The big guy

the big vein

the bishop

The blue-veined custard chucker

The chopper

The cone

the conga

The cyclops

The ding dong

The Dipstick

The dong

The driver

The dude piston

the eye of the needle

the family jewels

the flagpole

The flesh flute

The flesh rocket

the fleshy tripod

the fuck stick

the fun rod

The grower

the head

The heat-seeking moisture missile

the hose

The joystick

the King

The knob

the little man in the boat

The love muscle

the magic wand

the main vein

The male member

the man in the boat

The meat whistle

the member

The middle leg

The mighty mite

the old boy

The old man

The one-eyed captain

The one-eyed monster

the one-eyed snake

The one-eyed wonder worm

The package

The peen

The peeper

the pendulum

the peter

The pink cigar

the pink oboe

The pipe

the piston

the pleasure pole

The poker

The pole

the pork sword

the prick

The purple-helmeted warrior

the purple-helmeted warrior of love

The python

The rocket

The rod

The salami

The sausage

The schlong

the scoop

The shaft

The shotgun

The skin flute

The snake

the spitter

the staff of life

the stick

The stiff one

The stinger

the stonker

the sword

The third leg

The tool

The trouser snake

The tube steak

the unit

The wang

the weasel

The wedge

the wee-wee

The weenie

The whopper

The wiener

The wiggle stick

the willy

the wingwang

The womb raider

The wonder worm

The woody

the worm

thingy

Third Leg

Third leg

Thorn

Thrill drill

Throb knob

throbber

Throbbing gristle

Thumper

Thunderbird

Thunderbolt

Thunderstick

Tic Tac

Tickle pickle

Tickler

Tiger

Tiki

Timber

Time machine

Tingler

Tinker

Tinkerbell

tip

Tip drill

Tip of the iceberg

Tipper

Tissue

Titan

Toad

toadstool

todger

Toe

Tool

tooly

tooter

Toothpick

Tootsie roll

Top gun

Torch

Tower

Tower of power

tractor beam

Trafalgar

Treasure

Tree trunk

Tri-pod

Trinket

Trombone

Trouser Snake

Trousersnake

Trumpet

Truncheon

Trunk

Tuba

tube

Tummy banana

Tuna Can

Tuna can

Tuna torpedo

Turgid Trouser Snake

Turgid turtle

turkey

Turkey baster

Turkey neck

Turnip

turtle

Turtleneck

Tusk

twanger

Twig

Twig and Berries

Twig and berries

Twinkie

twinky

Twister

Two ball cane

Two veg and meat

Two-legged Boa

Two-legged tripod

twonker

Umbrella handle

Uncircumcised wonder

Uncle

Uncle Dick

Uncle John

Unit

unmentionables

Uzi

Vainilla

Vainilla Stick

Valiant vein

Veggie

vein

Vein train

Vein train.

Vein-cutter

Vein-erect

Veined custard launcher

VeinMaster 3000

Veiny Victor

Veinzilla

Velvet sword

Vessel

Vienna Sausage

Viking horn

Viking Staff

Vindicator

Vinegar

Violin

Virility

Vixen

Vodka

Volcano

Wally

Wand

wand of light

Wang

wang dang doodle

Wanger

wangle

Wangsta

Wanker

wankie

War club

Warrior

Weapon

Weapon of ass destruction

Weapon of mass destruction

Weapon of Mass Seduction

Wedge

Wee-wee

weenie

weewee

Weiner

wenis

wet noodle

Whacker

Whammer

Whang

Whangdoodle

wheenie

Whip

Whistle

White gold

White Mamba

Whoopie Stick

whopper jr.

widget

Wiener

Wiener Schnitzel

Wiggle stick

wiggle worm

Wiggler

Wiggly

William

Willow

Willpower

Willy

Willy the one-eyed wonder worm

willy wonka

Wing wong

wing-wang

Wingman

Winkie

Winky

Winnebago

Winner

Winston

Winston Churchill

Wintermelon

Wisdom Wand

Wise man

Wishbone

wizard sleeve

Wonder Worm

Wood

Woodpecker

Woody

Worm

Wormhole

wormy

Wrecking ball

Wriggler

Wriggly

Wrinkle

wrinklepump

Wrist Rocket

Wyvern

X-factor

Xylophone

Yad

Yak

Yam

yam

Yam bag

Yams

Yang

Yankee doodle

Yard

Yardstick

Yawing Yowie

Yearling

Yellow

Yellow Belly

Yellow Dart

Yellow dragon

Yellow Peril

Yellow Sausage

Yellow submarine

Yen

Yew

Ygdrasil's staff

Yin-yang serpent

yingyang

Yippie

Yipsicle

Yo-yo

Yob

yobbo

Yoda

Yoga stick

Yoghurt Cannon

Yoghurt gun

Yoghurt pistol

Yogurt

Yogurt hose

Yogurt Slinger

Yogurt slinger

Yogurt thrower

Yolk

Yolkstick

Yolky poke

Yoni

yoni stick

Youth

Yoyo

Yuca

Yule log

Yum yum

Yum-yum

Yummy

Zapper

Zealot

Zebedee

Zebracorn horn

zebu

Zen

Zephyr

Zeppelin

Zesty Italian

Zeus

ziggurat

Zigzag

Zilla

Zinger

Zipper

Zipper Ripper

Zipper snake

Zippy

ziz

Zog

zombie

Zombie maker

Zombie stick

Zonker

Zoom Stick

Zoombini

Zoomer

Zoot stick

Zorro

Zucchini

Zygmunt Freud

Zygote poker

Zygotene

dude?

#long post #penis anon

[dreamlandforever]

@writersmonth Prompt: Day 13 - Fan

Fandom: Teen Wolf | Sterek WC:800

AO3

XIII. Fan | Like Father Like Son

The thing about Derek Hale and Stiles Stilinski, is that, ever since they started dating almost ten years ago, they both know exactly what their place in the other one’s life is. It had been like two puzzle pieces finally falling into place. Sure, they often argued, annoyed one another and drove each other insane, but that was because they were both very passionate men, very protective of their own and prone to action. And, quite honestly, had a knack for getting in trouble. With time, they have gotten better at staying alive, and getting themselves out of trouble. 

But never in that time has Derek ever doubted his place in Stiles’ life. Until now.

That is not to say that Derek hasn’t had to fight for Stiles’ attention before. There have been a few people who thought the Spark was single. Very unfortunate for them, really, because it was always Derek who noticed that, and never Stiles himself. And he was very good at showing other people that Stiles was indeed not single. 

The hardest one he had to live with all his life was Scott McCall, and even then it was game over because Derek had orgasms on his side. And also a very strict schedule, which Scott and Stiles had to abide to so Derek also got to see his boyfriend when Scott and Stiles both had a day off at the same time. Derek and Scott may now be friends, and work pretty well as co-Alphas of a rather large Pack, but they’re still not very good at sharing the most important person in either of their lives. Kira and Derek are actually very close now, from building said schedules together. 

What Derek is not used to is feeling jealous of his own son. Because from the moment Eli had learned how to walk, he had been following Stiles around, adopting every mannerism from Stiles the toddler could imitate. And the thing is, Derek is used to being Stiles’ number 1 fan. Even above Scott, mainly because Stiles was too busy being Scott #1 fan for Scott to even try and one up him. And there Eli was, being Stiles’ number one fan, taking all of Stiles’ time.

Never mind the fact that Eli is also his son. Why can’t he be Eli’s favorite? He always tried his best to be for him what his parents were for him, and he knew Eli loved him. The kid showed him everyday, just like Derek showed him everyday. But something about Stiles seemed to drive Eli straight to him every single time. 

“Papa!” The toddler called, walking towards him as fast as his chubby legs allowed him to go. Derek woke up from his daydreaming to kneel on the floor and let his son run to his arms. 

“Where’s Daddy?” The kid asked, easily finding his spot under Derek’s chin. Derek let out a sigh and stood up, with Eli in his arms. 

“He went to get dinner with Uncle Scott.” Derek replied, unable to stop that little stab of jealousy. He wasn’t even sure if he was jealous of Stiles or Eli. “They will be back in less than ten minutes, Eli. What do you want to do until then?” He asked gently, making his way to Eli’s room. 

“Read a story, Papa.” Eli instructed, pointing at the small bookshelf that he had built for him a few months ago when he decided to give workshop a go. Derek nodded, taking a seat on the bean bag Lydia had gotten for them after watching them sit on the floor like ‘heathens’. He had to admit that no longer sitting on the floor at almost 35 years old was a great idea. 

“Which one are we reading?” Derek asked gently, setting Eli on the floor so he could grab a book. Derek waited patiently, expecting Eli to hand him Darth Vader and Son, Stiles’ favorite, but was instead pleasantly surprised when Eli handed him Red Riding Hood. 

Derek stared at the book for a few seconds, before he could feel the smile on his face. Red Riding Hood was his favorite book, mostly out of an inside joke with Stiles over a decade ago, when his boyfriend had been 16 years old and he had been a very angry 20 year old. 

He looked at his son again, and laughed softly. “You know what, Eli, you can be his number one fan, too, if you want. Your Daddy is indeed very awesome.” Derek suddenly understood, for the first time in Eli’s four years of life where his obsession with Stiles came. And how could he blame his child, when he was only imitating what he saw in his Papa?

“Alright, kid, let’s read.” Derek said gently, allowing his son to climb into his lap before he started reading the book, doing his best to make the voices of every character the way he knew Eli liked it. 

#writersmonth2023 #writing prompt #jwritessometimes #teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #eli hale #Eli Hale is Stiles and Derek's son #scott and stiles friendship

[sansaorgana]

MASTERLIST

➽ I am trying to write all my x Reader fan fiction to be as inclusive as possible – even the stories with [X]!OC – unless it is stated otherwise in the Author’s Note for the reasons dictated by the plot. If you happen to find some description in any of my stories that is exclusive (for example blushing or knuckles turning white etc.), then feel free to send me an ask and I will edit it.

➽ English is my second language.

➽ [nsfw] stories are 18+.

➽ You can also find me on ao3.

➽ REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

✿ GAME OF THRONES

➽ “The Dragon and The Doe” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader // Baratheon!OC

➽ “Unlike His Father” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ “Not a Child Anymore” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ “The Lady of Storm’s End” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader // Baratheon!OC

➽ “My Only Friend” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader // Velaryon!OC

➽ “Targaryens Do Have Queer Customs” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader // Princess Rhaella Targaryen (OC)

➽ Having children with Prince Aemond Targaryen — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ “Redeemable” — King Aegon II Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ “Hair Care Routine” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ “A Disappointment” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!chubby!Reader // Baratheon!OC

➽ “Dragonless” — Prince Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

➽ modern HoTD AU tag

➽ random blurbs/headcanons

✿ STAR WARS

➽ “You Can’t Leave Me” — Anakin Skywalker // suitless!Darth Vader x fem!Gray Jedi!Reader

➽ “The Prodigal Daughter” — Darth Vader (and kinda Anakin Skywalker) x fem!Dark Jedi!Reader

➽ “Scoundrel” — Han Solo x fem!Reader

➽ “Don’t Call Me Princess” — Poe Dameron x Padmé Solo (OC)

➽ “A Man of Secrets” — Obi–Wan Kenobi x fem!Reader

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — Poe Dameron x fem!Reader

➽ “The Hero and The Traitor” — Poe Dameron x fem!First Order!Reader

➽ Being Bo–Katan Kryze’s girlfriend — Bo–Katan Kryze x fem!Reader

➽ “I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend” — Obi–Wan Kenobi x fem!Jedi!Reader

➽ Being Axe Woves’ girlfriend — Axe Woves x fem!Reader // fem!Mandalorian!Reader

✿ DUNE

➽ “The Winds of Caladan” — Duke Leto Atreides x fem!Reader » PART I » PART II

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — Duke Leto Atreides x fem!Reader

➽ “Thrown To The Wolves” — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader // Atreides!OC » PART I » PART II » PART III » PART IV » PART V » PART VI » PART VII » PART VIII » PART IX » PART X

➽ “The Gift” — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader

➽ “Forbidden Fruit” [nsfw] — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader // Baron Vladimir Harkonnen x fem!Reader

➽ “Damaged Goods” [nsfw] — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader // Rabban/Harkonnen!OC

➽ “Quick Learners” [nsfw] — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader

➽ “Still Pure” — Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!Reader

✿ MOON KNIGHT

➽ “Definition of a Red Flag” — Steven Grant x fem!Reader » PART I » PART II

➽ “Like Father, Like Daughter” — Steven Grant x fem!Reader

➽ “The Ennead”— Steven Grant x fem!Reader

➽ “Thank Gods” — Marc Spector x fem!Reader » PART I [nsfw] » PART II

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — Marc Spector // Steven Grant // Jake Lockley x fem!Reader

✿ X–MEN

➽ “Make It Right This Time” — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader

➽ “Second Chance” — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader

➽ “New Memories” — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader

➽ “A Better Person” — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader

✿ MASTERS OF THE AIR

➽ Major Gale Cleven x Reader blurbs/short fics

➽ Major John Egan x Reader blurbs/short fics

✿ PROMETHEUS

➽ “The Stepford Wives” — David 8 x fem!Android!Reader

✿ TRIPLE FRONTIER

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — Santiago Garcia x fem!Reader

✿ THE CARD COUNTER

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — William Tell x fem!Reader

✿ AGORA

➽ Having a baby with Oscar Isaac’s characters — Orestes x fem!Reader

[ohgodmyeyes]

tiny chubby vader is full of weed 💕🌱

#darth vader #weed #chubby darth vader #adorable #420

[currentlyinpain]

reality

#me #mixed girls #body positive #chubby #black girls #girls with tattoos #star wars #girlswholikegirls #darth vader #personal #depressed af’

[dragonnan]

WIP TITLE TAG

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it, or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I was not specifically tagged but saw this posted by @myriath and shared by @sgam76​.

Good gracious, here we go!

Fair warning this requires a cut cause there’s.... a LOT.

Also, borrowing from the previous post I’ll be dividing my lists into two parts. Part 1 is published WIPs and Part 2 is not-yet-published WIPs.

Some ideas are just a sentence or collection of notes while others may be several chapters fleshed out so you never know what you’ll get!

Side note: I’m not including WIPs which are part of a collaboration.  These are all single author stories.

Part 1: Published WIPs

The Fire in Which We Burn (Sherlock)

Sed Diabolus (Avengers)

Avengers: New Beginnings (Avengers)

You'd Think That'd Be as Bad as it Gets, Right? (Avengers)

Oompa Loompa Doom-Pa-Dee-Die (Psych)

Painted Wings and Giant Rings (Psych)

Simon and Simon and Psych (Psych)

3:27am (Psych)

Breaking Shawn (Psych)

Humility Is a Losing Hand and I'm All In (Psych)

Meet the Sheridans (Psych)

O Shawn Spencer, Where Art Thou? (Psych)

Worst Case of Crabs Ever (Psych)

The Big Stink (Supernatural)

Asgårdsreia (How to Train Your Dragon)

Part 2: Not-yet-published WIPs

Psych

Shades of Grayish

Christmas with Grans

Deathfic with restoration

Juliet's funeral written to read like their wedding (ok pretty self explanatory...)

Lassie’s knives

Moonlight Psych Halloween

Rookie Juliet AU

Shawn loses leg

Shawn Tattoo Torture

Shawn's Chickens

Suicide By Psychic

Gus kills state bird

Pug fic

Little Boy Lost

chimp whump

Rabies Shawn

Wild Pig Whump

Gus Shoots Shawn

Henry and Shawn attacked in Alley

Heroin Shawn

High school return of bully

Hunger Games

Medical Misdiagnosis Whump

sedation whump

Shawn starved torture

Gus stays with Psych to protect Shawn

Burn Notice crossover

bad camp counselor

Buzz Killed Saving Shawn

Gus death secret

henry punches shawn

shawn and baby

shawn daughter ded

Shawn drops Gus

Shawn emotional torture

Shawn Mommy Like and Love

Shawn shootout trauma

Shawn stuck out on ocean

Shawn's Little Brother Mystery

Stalker fic

chubby Shawn

pineapple whump cut on hand

Radiator Burn

Vampire Psych Fic

gus fake funny death

Halloween with clown

Milk Carton

I Want a Woman Like Spencer's Girl

Shawn Shot in hand

Sherlock

Day Break

evil John

Faun Sherlock Story 2

Molly and Baby

Molly meets Mummy

Mollys Dillemma

Sherlock Time Travel

Sherlock Witch Trials

Eurus Story

Sherlock Allergies

John Mary Divorce

Malnutrition

MCU

Aunt May and Loki

Avengers whump

Comparing Notes

Howard Stark POV on Tony

Howard Stark Returns

Peggy Carter Super Soldier (Idea written in 2016 - LONG before they did it in What If?)

PTSD Irondad and Spiderson - Sand

Tony stark saves prostitutes

Tony Stark Fisk

backstory of Odin in the nursing home 

Stephen Goes Home to Visit

Stephen Thrown in Ocean

Stephen with Wings

Avengers Chat

Bullied Teen Tony

Creepy Grooming Obie

Peter Kidnapped

Peter Quill on Earth

Therapist to Marvel Characters

Tony airplane crash

Tony home Invasion

Tony PMS

tony punched peter

tony's scar

traumatized Peter

Vision Origin

When Tony Retires

Crossovers

Doctor Strange Doctor Who Crossover

Double-double Agent

Dr Who Meets Darth Vader

I-Man IPS Crossover

If Lovers be Lost

Moonlight - Psych Van Helsing fanfic

Psych_White Collar

Doctor Who

Alternate Universe Pete's World Doctor

Donna Fix-It

Return of Adam

Quantum Leap

QL Psycho

Tagging: All who want to play!

[sinfulskywalker]

Hi! :) I love your fics so much! You’re an amazing writer! Llom is sooooo good❤️❤️❤️. I was wondering if you’d ever want to write a fic on possessive dad Vader and de-aged Luke. Not kid Luke but de-aged Luke. As in he was shot or something and now suddenly he’s like three, something Vader is greatly pleased about.

Thank you thank you dear ❤️ and yes I am a sucker for de-aged fics but sadly there's very little or none at all in this fandom but I would be very open to writing one as I feel that Vader redemption as a "new father" would do them both good. Vader would learn to be soft, and gentle and get to love again as he's been so lonesome for years. Of course Vader would be possessive AF because this was his second chance at caring for the one thing Padme and he made: the child he thought he lost. Luke wouldn't be happy at first of course, he was a grown man just a moment ago and now he's in sleepers, being fed threw bottles, small spoons or by Vader's hand and has Naptime rather than training and he doesn't even want to talk about how his body betrays him when all he had was a sip of juice lol.

I may or may not already have something in the works right now ;) but if you'd like a little snippet my dear, then all you had to do was ask.

.....

"Wha-What happened?!" A cry came into the deathly silent room. Standing on shaking legs, tiny arms reached out to examine his even smaller, trembling hands, Luke began to panic. One moment he was being shocked as the emperor's sith lightning burned him from the inside out as he cried out to his father to save him, the next he was rolling over to stand up and help his father only to see he was no taller than the rails Palpatine was tossed over.

None of this made sense. What had happened? Was this some Sith trick? It had to be. Whatever it was, neither Luke nor Vader had a clue. Vader himself thought he was a dead man. But by force he had survived being electrocuted as well and felt a shift in his own body as well. Something in the force was telling him this was how things should be. Should have been.

"Luke..." He called to his son, no longer a grown man, but his small child. Luke crawled over as much as the overly large black pants and imperial shirt that draped to his ankles allowed him to. It was rather an impressive sight to anyone who happened to look inside the throne room. This small child dressed ridiculously standing before the feared Darth Vader. Even as Vader was slouched against the rail, Luke's head only matched to the Man's mask. Just how young was he? He looked so skinny and tiny, Vader assumed he had to be two or three at the oldest.

Vader felt his lungs fill as he began to cough. Something was reviving, as if Palpatine's death was the last grip let loose on Vader, allowing the other sith to begin to heal. That's exactly what was happening. Vader was healing.

"Fa-Fadder?" The boy's lisp was heart clenching and adorable. This child is adorable. His child. Luke hadn't gotten to say another word as Vader removed his dark black mask to reveal his face. It was a scarred mess and what little peach fuzz dirty blonde hair he had left was starting to grow.

Most importantly, he was able to see his child with his own two eyes. And Vader could have weeped. Luke was so beautiful with his fluffy blonde hair, bright blue eyes and rosey chubby cheeks. Goodness he saw so much of Padme's innocence in him, and he even had her cute ski slope nose.

"Fadder?" Luke timidly asked, hesitantly reaching out. "Wha' happen to you? To me? I'm small wha' happen?"

Vader knew this was a gift. It had to be. It was a chance to restart for him and his son, whom he had missed out on so much with. Too much with. Vader said nothing as he gave the boy a loving smile behind his vococord. Things would be different from now on, he vowed.

He would care for Luke properly. After all, he was turned into a small child. Children needed their parents, especially with how force sensitive Luke was. And the Order did not exist to stand in his way.

"Oh my child, my little boy." Vader cooed. "It's alright, Luke. I'm here." Vader assured Luke, pulling the boy in close to hold him. "I'm here. Daddy's not going anywhere."

And he meant it.

#star wars #luke skywalker #fanfic #anonymous #dad vader

[hotmonkeelove]

I keep forgetting to post these! Last April, at Fan Expo Dallas, I went to pose with this Darth Vader (Kylo Ren wasn’t there at the time, wah!), which was to raise money for a local animal rescue. The rest of these guys are apparently real life cops who cosplay in their spare time. And I guess I did something naughty... Heeheehee!

#fan expo dallas #star wars #me #darth vader #cosplay #storm trooper #imperial forces #it's me- caro the blogger #i've lost 30 lbs since then #still want to lose 30 more at least but i'm not stressing it #i'm finally comfortable with my body #chubbies rule!

[8krislink8]

Darth Vader with dad bod :]

#Darth Vader #big boy #art #chonk #fat #chubby #fan art #obese #dad bod

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers (Ducktales Season 2 Arcs)  Part 12: Happy Birthday Doofus Drake! (Commissioned by Weirdkev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to MMM, my look at the ducktales season 2 story arc! And after a long absence, even longer because I had to move “The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck” up a few slots for scheduling reasons, the Louie Inc arc is back... for the rest of the arc minus the finale! 

Yeah as i’ve mentioned before for this last stretch the various plot lines sorta glom onto one another. Though ironically enough despite this Glomgold being in this one his appearance has nothing directly to do with his bet with scrooge.  I mean he probably DID think he could win the bet if he was the last one standing, but his plan probably began and ended at “Make Dummy of myself, con teenager, ????? HAHAHAHAHA I BEAT YOU THIS TIME SCROOGIE”. and it wasn’t necessary to mention said bet when it’d come to an end in a few episodes anyway. We’ll discuss how underserved his arc is then. 

Whlie that plot dosen’t get any real mention, the other two are key to this one: Louie’s call to Goldie is finally paid off and Della gets to bond with another one of her sons, this time my boy Huebert. Aka what this dude was like as a child. 

Search your feelings you know it to be true. So how horribly with Louie’s desire to learn from Goldie backfire? How much will Doofus creep me right the fuck out? How adorably wholesomely nerdy will my boy be? These questions will be answered, along with a full review under the cut!

In short: about as much as you’d expect, way more than you’d expect despite being ready for it this time, and very much he’s a good good boy. 

But for the longer answer, we start at the manor where Scrooge senses a disturbance in the force... and the Darth Vader reference will only be all too relevant later today. For now he decides to see what’s making his Spider-Sense act up. And so we get two short glimpses of what I WISH were episodes: Team Magic fighting either a direbear or a werewolf, or possibly a bearwolf, and Dewey and Beakley dealing with a literal tempest in a teapot. 

What he sees next IS actually in the episode as Huey and Della psyche themself up to play Epic Legends of Legendquest, an everquest style mmo, saying a geektsatic chant together. It’s adorable as all hell. We’ll get back to them in a moment as they disturb scrooge but it’s not what he’s looking for.. no what he’s looking for is Goldie who as you’d expect is sitting in his chair throwing some coins in the air like she’s two face, and we get a great lead in to our opening as when Scrooge asks how she got in Louie simply says “She’s with me”. Cue the theme song:

Okay so now we have the intro down as usual let’s split up gang and look at both plots. First the really easy to cover one

THE REALLY EASY TO COVER ONE:

The reason is not that it’s bad, in fact as the last part of this retrospective showed a bad or incredibly flawed in that case plot is even harder to cover because I have more to pick apart and more to make fun of. 

No this one’s easy simply because the plot is incredibly simple. And that’s not a BAD thing. Sometimes all you need for a plot is “A chubby man is putting animals in robots go put a stop to it” or “stab this tower to death with a trading card game. “ You can put complexity in that and still have the journey be pretty easy to follow. 

In this case as said, Della and Huey are gaming together, bonding over having the same intrest as mother and son. And some of you may nitpick and say “well how is this mmo still up after eleven years? Surely it would’ve closed out by now.” And to that I point you to my friend Glen, who STILL plays the classic versoin of Runescape on a daily basis. Or to the fact Everquest is STILL online, I checked.. I might actually start an account. Not the point. Or the fact that while World of Warcraft changed massively, the original version was just relaunched last year. So an old game that requires little server matinece and still makes gobs of money STILL being online and still having Della’s account available is surprisingly the LEAST farfetched thing this series has done. 

It’s also the second of three plots focusing on Della and one of her boys, each one following the order they accepted her in. Said order is pure logic: Dewey accepted her instantly becaues he was the most obessed with her absence and as shown by the christmas episode was the one most bothered by her still being gone by then. So of course he’d be the first to get an episode, and of course Louie would be last because he’s the most difficult and has his own plot this season this ends up tying into. 

Thus Huey ends up snugly in the middle of the two extremes: Like Dewey he accepts his mom and wants her in his life and like Louie he still struggles with her. But his struggle is less dramatic: Louie struggles because his shifty nature clashes with Della trying to be responsible with her newly reunited kids, as we’ll see next week. Huey.. is just very diffrent from his mom. Sure both are woodchucks, both like prepearation and both are nerds... but Della is more the cool nerd who does a dooby behind the school and rides a motorcycle while Huey is happy riding a total dad van, logging time on his switch and getting as in everything. Both like d n d but one plays a fighter and the other a mage. It’s a struggle I have in a diffrent way with my mom: it’s always hard when you zig in places your parents zag even when it’s something you both love. 

And this plot hinges on it as Della quickly finds out that her son is grass nerd and is forging and shiz, planting crops behind a dome and refusing to level up, instead just gathering experince. The first part I get.. but in general experince the higher level you are in a game the more shit you can do, so I’d at lest got ot the check point, become an outer god and then grow tulips. 

Della naturally is bored silly.. but in a nice twist dosen’t STOP playing the game or trying to play with her son and gardens with him. She wants to play with him and try his way even if it bores her because a good mom sometimes just tries. But Huey is likewise a good son in return and when Launchapd shows up on a dragon, because of course he plays this and of course he has a dragon, and clearly has more exciting stuff going on, Huey tells her she can go with him and dosen’t begrudge her wnating to do thigns HER way. He gets that while they ARE playing together.. questing is just what she plays this for the same way painstakingly farming is the way he plays this. Neither way is bad and Della simply wants Huey to TRY new things, but isn’t going to force it on him.

In the end i’ts HUEY’S decision to step outside the bubble and go to the checkpoint.. which being a part of the duck family naturally goes comically wrong as a monster immeditly destroys all his hard work and sends the poor boy into a panic spiral. 

But we do get a really sweet moment as what snaps Huey out of his panic attack? Seeing his mom about to be crushed by the monsters tentacles.

So to save her he hits the save point and his level goes OVER 90000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000...

Sorry got a cramp there. 

00000000000000000000000000000000000000!

Complete with him looking like he just turned into broly and did the kaoiken at the same time and kills the thing.. a bit too much as della has to drag him away from the keyboard to calm hhim down before he kills everyone. 

FAMILY BONDING!

Why Did Louie Apologize To This Sociopath Again?:

Moving back to our A-Plot, Louie admits to Scrooge’s face he’s going with Goldie because Scrooge’s whole thing about having “ethics” and “working hard” isn’t doing it for him. Scrooge warns him to be careful and Louie says he’s got this handelded and... one jumpcut later he’s locked in a treasure chest in his room while Goldie loots all his things because she has no qualms stealing from a childrens. 

She is impressed with Louie’s attempted crocodile tears.. and does end up finding a use for him when she passes across an invitation to doofus eleventeenth birthday ceremony. Louie’s reaction is understandable...

As you all know in the original series Doofus.. was pretty obnoxious, meant to be an adorably dorky friend to the boys.. who instead was a mixture of fat shaming jokes and stupidity.  But while the crew updated other weak characters like Beakly, Bubba and Djon to be actually good, likeable, intresting folks, with Doofus... they just didn’t like Doofus NEARLY enough for that and decided to make him into the billionare version of Anthony Fremont, aka that kid from the twilight zone who liked to send people to “the cornfiled” and used his massive and horrifying godlike powers to make everyone else do whatever he wanted. And if you haven’t seen that twilight zone episode, do it’s REALLY good horror and i’ts sequel from the UPN version, following a grown up Anthony and his daughter, played by Anthony’s actor’s Bill Mumy’s real daughter Liliania Mummy aka Panini and Leni Lou, is also REALLY good and worth a watch.

So yeah Doofus is instead an abusive billionare whose mentally abused his parents into being his butler and maid and cultishly worships his departed “Gameemama” whose death gave him the money to abuse his parents in the first place. He also tried to enslave Louie and left a lot of mental scars so shockingly the boy DOSEN’T want to go back there and just as unsuprisingly, Goldie dosen’t get how immensley dangerous and fucked up this kid is. But Louie needs a mentor in cons so he has little choice. 

Doofus’ birthday.. is as horrifingly and hilariously fucked up as you’d expect, with mouse traps as horderves and a cake that on the outside says “Not Full of Hair”. Guess what it’s full offf?

It is hair... though that is a close guest Dormammu WAS in next years cake. 

So our heroes plan is to pose as aunt and nephew, and infilatrate the party, and while Louie understandably given who we’re dealing with just wants to grab a goodie bag , containing gold, herilooms and headless mickey mouse dolls, and run but Goldie points out that’s not the con. That’s just being a bad party guest. She wants to heist all of them by being the last one standing, as it turns out naturally the party for a greedy, abusive, sociopath who needs either therapy or  Dr. Loomis to put a stake through his heart like he tried to do with Micheal Meyers before having to pass it off as a joke, is only stocked with rich assholes pretending to have children so they can get more rich. And the bagle boys who aren’t rich but do like free money. 

Doofus then makes his entrance, seemingly going to show up in a clam like the painting of venus, but thankfully we’re spared a naked 10 year old boy. No instead he pops up behind Louie like he’s micheal fucking meyers in case you thought I was kidding with that halloween refrence. 

Doofus also proves that in addition to being the kind of villian Jordan Peele wished he’d thought of first and had to go with “weird cloud kite thing” as plan b for his next movie, he’s not SO out of touch with reality that he dosen’t see the beagle boys aren’t childrens or that Percivil B Peppington, that willy wonka looking guy, brought Johnny from ottoman empire. Look i’ve seen older people still play teenagers. He drops them all into his honey bin.. which naturally contains bees. 

So yeah the stakes are high if they get caught but now it’s been widdled down to three pairs: Our anti-heroes, Glomgold who has brought his son Sharkbomb along who given glomgold can’t conceive after a shark blew up his privates, is naturally a puppet he carries around and Mark Beaks with everyone’s faviorite goodest boy, BOYD!

Yeah I love BOYD and we’ll get more into him later. We’ll also get into Sharkbomb whose just.. objectively one of the most insane and hilaroius things they ever did with glomgold. Just everything about him: the fact that everything Glomgold learned about children clearly begins and ends with 90′s sitcoms, the fact he’s named after the two things he loves more, their photos with each other clearly shot at an old sears studio glomgold keeps in his basement, and the fact that even when glomgold MAKES AN IMAGINARY SON FOR HIMSELF, said son can’t stand him in any way shape or form becaue he clearly can’t picture anyone loving him deep down but can’t realize this and wow this got deep. 

But their heartwearming family photos bring up an issue: Goldie has none and Beaks is willing to press that weak point. Louie quickly covers with a photo booth impressing goldie. 

Fear has now given way to overconfidence, Louie’s other natural state, so now the boy is ready to scam and with Goldie now treating him as an equal, she asks him to pick the target.. which is naturally Glomgold since in any situatoni he’s the weakest link. Even when looking in the mirror as he usually just punches it after getting pissed off at his own reflection then yells curse you mirrorrrrrrrr. 

So naturally he goes down easy. It’s pool time and after talking to shark bomb alone for a second and telling “him” that goldie has a crush on glomgold, all she has to do is make some eyes and Glomgold naturally thinks the woman who dispises him for good reason is suddenly into him because of course he does. And.. louie has to do nothing else. My boy ends up fighting with his own fictoinal child because natural order of things and ends up taking his head off because this is why Glomgold dosen’t have children. That and no one wants to. He goes into the bin leaving our heroes with just one more obstacle. 

BOYD is a bit trickier because as far as Louie can tell he’s clean: he’s a good kid who just happens to be the son of a skinny weiner. It’s not until he tries to log onto the wifi that he finds a weird one “Beaks Osomething Youth Dorid” and then puts the dots together: there are NO photos of Boyd as a baby or before the last two days, and Beaks would never reisist baby’s first click bait. Granted that’s a bit of a stretch as that would’ve been ten years ago and probably on facebeak instead of Instagull. 

Point is BOYD’s a robot and Louie easily takes him out by asking what he did two days ago... and is then horrified by the results as BOYD has a mental breakdown from the reilziation he’s not a real boy and goes beserk before ending up in the pool. While Louie DID want to get rid of the kid he didn’t want to BREAK him, literally and figuratively: he just wanted to prove he was a robot. Louie clearly didn’t realize that BOYD didn’t know that, and that said revelation would drive the poor child to a mental and physical breakdown. Mark’s reaction is as you’d expect “I’m going to need a really big bag of rice”. 

Hilariously given what’s about to happen and how Doofus is going to treat BOYD from here on out, Doofus is pissed off and wants to know who did this and Goldie, naturally throws a child under a bus. Metaphorcially.... she’s only done it for realises twice. 

However while Goldie is more than willing to do a treason to get by, she’s not prepared for just how horrific doofus REALLY is. She was expecting one of those greedy kids from Willy Wonka who die horribly in candy related nightmares.  Not one of the villians of Get Out: The Preschool Years. Coming this fall to Crackle!

So when Doofus has BOYD attack Louie and then string him up as the most dangerous pinata of all man, Goldie shows she DOES care deep down and shields the boy.. which convinces Doofus she passes the test and he makes the woman into his new Gameemama and Ejects Louie. Louie is content to leave with the loot... but realizes he cares too much. Sure she betrayed him and sure she’s a theif.. but she still tried to sav ehim when the chips are down and even if she hadn’t... no one, NO ONE deserves to be trapped with Doofus. 

So we cut to Doofus having Goldie in a transparent box and arm chair because of course, when Louie uses BOYD to burst in and cut her loose. However he also realizes that as effed up as Doofus is, he gets that at his core.. the kid is lonely> It dosen’t excuse his actions.. but not having ANYONE around but his parents who he abuses horribly, to the point the only children at her body were a super fighting robot and a former victim trying to swindle him. What he needs it he thing that keeps louie himself grounded and what ultimately gave him his own concsience: he needs a brother. So he sets BOYD for child mode and makes the drakes his parents, the three warmly embracin geach other, BOYD, after what we’ll later learn is a decade of hardship, rejection and being treate dand used like a tool, finally gets parents who treat him like what he is: a child. And for the drakes they FINALLY get a child who love them and isn’t an abusive nightmare from the darkest pits of my nightmares. 

Doofus dosen’t take this well... but BOYD unteitonally serves up some Karma as apparently Gameemama’s will was nonspecific enough it means all her descendants get some.. and that means he’s entitled to half the fortune and being a sweetheart, that means he puts it in his parents account. The Drakes are now truly free... and Doofus, after two episodes of getting away with being a creepy absuive monster, finally gets grounded. 

This is a good satisfying ending, showing that while Louie can lack compasion and be selifsh at the end of the day he’s a good kid. He might, much like his uncle, deny he has a heart sometimes... but in truth he can’t help but help people evne if it directly costs him because he was rasied right. Donald taugh thim empathy and Scrooge is trying his best to teach him respect and hard work. And while he likes to pretend those lessons didn’t sink in and he can do whatever he wants deep down.. the kid has limits. 

Before we wrap up I do have to bring up the life and crimes of scrooge mcduck, i.e. the episode tha tFORCES louie to apologize for this.. depsite the fact he did NOTHING wrong when it came to making BOYD doofus’ brother. he did so SOLEY so Doofus could have someone to hopefully teach the kid empathy and keep him company, and to give to badly abused people a child who loved them back. He didn’t likely KNOW BOYD would rightly redistribute the wealth, not that he’s opposed to it nor does Doofus not deserve it and even if he did again.. Doofus deserved it. The kid abused his parents for god knows how long, fincially, mentally and god knows how else. While i’ts mostly played for laughs it dosen’t change the fact of what he did to them or how badly he was. The kid can change, he’s only 12 he’s got time, but it dosen’t mean he dosen’t have to or get sa free pass fo rbeing THIS monsterous. And even then.. all his parents did was GROUND HIM, and as Astro BOYD shows, it only lasted a few months at most. Louie being the bigger man is fine but th eepisode tries to put it on the same level of Scrooge you know, leaving someone’s brother to fly off non sentient and making one of his worst enemeis an even WORSE person simply because he couldn’t be arsed and letting some people remain goats for profit. It’s not the same and watching this episode again shows how BADLY they misread the room. 

Anyway naturally Goldie bolted with the money and Louie mopes home.. not over the money but over thinking she cared, with Scrooge, naturally consoling him. The old man admits it dosen’t get easier.. but does , without overly pushing it, show that Louie did learn something: He can’t be like goldie. When your like her you have to shove everyone else aside to keep getting ahead, to keep finding an angle and to be ready to betray even the people you love most. Louie simply isn’t that bad and that’s good... and as Scrooge put sit maybe he had more of an impact than he thought... and is proven right as Goldie puts one of the photo booth pics in her wallet. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is excellent and a highlight of the season. Allison Janey as always is fantastic, both plots are engaging and the main plot has some of the best jokes in the series from Glomgold’s dead gay puppet son, to Mark’s need for a bag of rice to Doofus over the top insane creepy shenanigans, i’ts just funny and the second plot is light and sweet and a nice compliment, breaking up  American Psycho Juinor to give us some fun bonding> It’s an excellent episode. 

Next Time: Louie nearly destroys all of space and time and Huey slowly goes insane as a caveman proves his reasearch wrong. All this and a studied the blade joke too!

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#ducktales #doofus drake #louie duck #goldie o gilt #scrooge mcduck #huey duck #della duck #launchpad mcquack #team magic #mark beaks #boyd drake #flintheart glomgold #sharkbomb glomgold

[borderland-ranger]

Reading Session #1

Today, I found at the used book store the hardcover versions of Ranger’s Apprentice Book 11 and Book 12 for cheap, and remembered I’d gotten the first one towards the beginning of the year and hadn’t really started it yet. I got the books, and tonight read some before bedtime now.  So I guess going forward, I’ll post whenever I randomly find time to read (not as often as I’d like), reviewing it as someone who’s 31 who knows absolutely nothing about the Ranger’s Apprentice series (aside from knowing the oak leaf necklace stuff).  6 Chapters into book 1 (Ruins of Gorlan). As a whole, little cliché; chubby character goes off to become a cook, strong character goes off to be a melee dude, and the reader is already aware Will is going to be a ranger, because how could you not know. lol. The paper bit threw me for a curve, I was like “he has no family, is this a ‘btw, his dad is the Darth Vader of the setting’ and I was hoping it wouldn’t be that. Then, as he was sneaking in to find out what it said, I assumed it was a blank paper and thought it was a neat idea. Then you find out the paper is just “I’ll take him as a Ranger”. Would have preferred the blank paper, but, I understand. I assume that the first book is probably more heavy handed like this for the young adult audience. From my understanding the books get a bit more mature/adult after some time? Theme is promising though, I know the books are beloved by a large fanbase, for a reason, and seems like there isn’t anything more ‘rangery’ than this series. Looking forward to him ‘meeting the ranger faction’ and learning about their hierarchy and history as a faction.    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike it so far, just, like I said, starting off really “heavy handed” and obvious. Gonna try and squeeze in some more reading tomorrow. This is actually my first attempt to sit down and read a novel in... 14 years? I’m mostly into reading setting and lore books and real life history books, though I used to read the shit out of novels back when I was a kid (mostly Dragonlance). 

#Ranger's Apprentice #Ruins of Gorlan #Reading #Novel #books and novels #Fantasy Book #Young Adult

[silvereddaye]

Day 7: Skeleton

Summary: Vader has come to Tatooine and found something extremely precious.

– - – - – - – - – - – - –

Darth Vader stepped up to the crib. It was made of mismatched metal probably found in a junkyard, but it was sound and well built. To his surprise the baby was awake. It was wrapped up in a soft white swaddle blanket to keep it warm and snug in the cold of the desert night. It kicked its legs, wiggled, and cooed.

Vader thought his heart had melted when he first saw the baby, his baby, but now it was truly liquid. How could this small precious thing be alive? He slowly lowered his hand, but stopped just above the baby. Both of his hands were now prosthetics and gloved. He wouldn't be able to feel his baby, at least not here, but perhaps back on his ship.

His hand came down and with one fingertip he brushed the baby's light blonde hair to the side. The baby wiggled, but didn't whine or cry out in fear. Gently, slowly, and a bit cautiously, Vader pulled at the swaddle. Two chubby little arms popped up. At once the small hands reached for Vader.

He was completely still as a small hand wrapped around his index finger.

His prosthetics barely registered the pressure, but he could see it through the red-tint of his lenses. The baby was holding his finger. His baby. His son.

Read the rest on AO3 // FF.net

@angstober // @x-tober

#my writing #angstober #angstober2020 #angstober 2020 #x-tober #x-tober 2020 #darth vader #Luke Skywalker #baby luke

[ariainstars]

Star Wars, the Last 20 Years or Can We Please Try to Stop the Blame Train?

I would like to touch a subject that’s starting to grate on my nerves a little.

Anyone here knows that I disliked The Rise of Skywalker heartily. And I’m not the only person here or elsewhere who tore it to shreds. But I am reading (again) over and over why and how JJ Abrams, Chris Terrio, Kathleen Kennedy and Co. made this mess. Instead of searching for culprits, this time I would like to point out a few things.

I. Star Wars Prequels

Jake Lloyd, Ahmed Best and Hayden Christensen had to endure awful harassment in their time: the audience largely vented their frustration on them because when the prequels hit theatres, they did not get the Star Wars they had wanted. Politics are a dry subject, and young Anakin and the Jedi Council were all too human to be liked by fans who expect coolness in a hero more than everything else; which is probably why Darth Maul is a huge favorite although we hardly learn anything about him and he says almost nothing. Ditto Obi-Wan although he is clearly not suited to train Anakin and it’s him who maims him and leaves him to burn in the lava. (Until I saw the film, I had always assumed Palpatine had tortured Anakin to push him to the Dark Side.) 

The prequels’ messages in general were not liked: the Jedi were not perfectly wise and cool wizards, the Old Republic was stagnant, Anakin was a hot-headed, frustrated young man desperate to save his wife and unborn children. The films do not want to excuse what he did; however they portray him not as a monster but as a human being who was under an almost unendurable pressure for years and years until he finally snapped.

These messages may not be “cool”, but they were realistic and most of all, humane. Portraying the Jedi as well as Anakin as powerful, flawless heroes and the old Republic as a just, prosperous and balanced place would have meant undermining a central theme of the original trilogy: the former generation could not have been all that powerful and wise, else the collapse of their world and the failure of their convictions would not have happened in the first place. It is a sore point, but still twenty years later Obi-Wan and Yoda denied that Vader was human and expected Luke to commit patricide. 

All of this goes to show that the Jedi’s moral standard was flawed and their attitude not rooted in compassion and pacifism the way they claimed. In the end, what they cared about was winning, no matter the cost. In this, they were no better than the Sith.

~~~more under the cut~~~

II. Star Wars Sequels

J.J. Abrams, Kathleen Kennedy, Bob Iger and company were the ones who introduced the Star Wars sequel trilogy and with it its themes, characters, setting etc. to us in the first place: I think we should give them credit where it’s due. Rian Johnson made a very beautiful second chapter with The Last Jedi, but he did pick up where the others had left. 

Kelly Marie Tran made experiences similar to Jake Lloyds or Hayden Christensen’s when The Last Jedi was hit theatres. She was disliked for not being “Star-Wars-y” enough, chubby and lively instead of wiry and spitfire, and also taking a lot of screen time while many fans were impatiently waiting for some grand scenes from Luke and / or Leia. 

That Episode VIII, the central and most important one, was called “The Last Jedi” cannot be overstated. Luke was literally alone with the heavy task of rebuilding a religious order that was gone and destroyed long before he even learned about it, and at the same time he had to patch together his own family and atone for his father’s sins. This is a crushing burden for anyone to carry. It was important both for Rey and for the audience to meet Luke to see that he was a good man, but still just a man.

When Luke spoke openly to Rey about the failure of the Jedi Order, it was the first time he ever spoke about it that we know of; this wisdom he obviously acquired only after his nephew’s fall to the Dark Side. Luke has understood that the ways of the Jedi were wrong; but he does not know a better alternative. Force users are still born all over the galaxy, and they have to learn to use their powers - only how? Again, Luke is not to blame. How is he to know, when the Jedi of the Old Republic had lost sight of Balance in the Force for so long that they didn’t know what it actually meant anymore? 

Same goes for Leia, the princess without a realm, who tried to rebuild the Republic after the galaxy had been terrorized by the Empire and devastated by war for many years. She assuredly did her best, but she was only human. That she failed her son is of course shocking, but after the horror she had to endure at the hands of her own father it is not surprising that she would be terrified of her son possibly going the same way. Ben, like Anakin, was crushed under a legacy and responsibility that was by far too heavy for him. The tragedy of his life and the disruption - and in the end, obliteration - of his family was another proof for the failure of the ways of the Jedi. 

All of these lessons until now were not learned from. But let’s be honest: how many of us come from dysfunctional families? If we do, was getting away from them enough to heal the wounds of the past? Did we find out what to give our children on their way in life, or did we fail them because we had not elaborated the past enough to make way for a better future? Such problems are very common, and to heal them is complicated and takes time. A “happy ending” e.g. in form of finding a new family is not enough, on the contrary, it can lead to wanting to leave the past behind, leaving wounds unhealed that will fester their way through our lives again, sooner or later. Star Wars always was an allegory of the human mind, even if deeply cloaked in symbolism. The saga also abundantly takes inspiration from the Bible, and I think it’s not coincidentally said there that the sins of the fathers are visited upon the children. 

As fans, we would have wanted to see films that cemented the Jedi as guardians of the galaxy, with the Skywalker family right at the center. Which in itself is impossible because Jedi are supposed to remain unattached, making the mere idea of a Jedi having a family absurd. If the prequels told us that the Jedi were flawed, the sequels tore down the myth of the Skywalker family. And both trilogies showed that you can’t be a Skywalker and / or a Jedi / Force user and have attachments and a happy family of your own at the same time. At least, not until now. 

 III. Film production

Many fans of old complained because the sequel trilogy implied that the “happy ending” of the original trilogy’s heroes had not been so happy after all and that after having made peace for the galaxy, they had failed to keep it that way. Other viewers however liked the new trilogy and new characters right away and began to root for them. But they, too, jumped on the blame train when the trilogy had ended: expectations were not met, and now director, producers, script writers, cutters etc. are faulted all over again.

The first person coming up with the idea of Han’s and Leia’s only child turning to the Dark Side was Lucas himself. It always was a main theme of the saga that war separates people who actually belong together, like family, couples or close friends; that is not played for mere drama, but because it emphasizes the absurdity of war.

We as the audience do not know how production went - it is very possible that Lucas approved the general storyline, and there is always a whole team on board. It is not easy to purchase such a large and immensely popular franchise; it was to be expected that if things went not the way the audience expected, the Disney studios would be blamed harshly for having “ruined Star Wars”. With the prequels, at least Lucas was still at the helm; it was conceded that maybe he had lost his magic touch with storytelling, but certainly not that he was trying deliberately to ruin his own creation. And the fans who could not praise the Disney studios enough after The Last Jedi came out, now blame them over and over.

The Disney studios have long-term politics to consider and contracts to observe, and we don’t know their contents. We have every right to be disappointed, but I think it’s not fair to blame one or a particular group of persons who are trying their best to satisfy as many viewers as possible. If they simply wanted to satisfy the average dudebro who sees nothing but clichés, two-dimensional characters and Good against Evil - then why did they allow The Last Jedi to be produced in the first place? The studios obviously are aware that there are fans out there who are ready to look deeper in the saga’s themes, who wish to see the Force coming to Balance, who value family, friendship and love over “victory at any cost”, and who do not place the Jedi on some kind of pedestal.

In a sense, The Rise of Skywalker seems like a bow before The Last Jedi: the weakest chapter of the saga followed one of its strongest. Maybe the authors were aware that equaling or even topping what Rian Johnson had created would be next to impossible, so they patched up the open threads of The Force Awakens together with some fan service hoping to be out of the business as quickly as possible.

In retrospect, the infamous podcast with Charles Soule might also be tell-tale: Soule obviously is not elbows-deep in the saga and largely ignores its subtext. Since his The Rise of Kylo Ren comics are quite well-made, I assume that the general storyline did not stem from his own creativity and that he only carried out what he had been advised to do. The production of the whole sequel trilogy may have happened in a similar way. I am not excusing the poor choices of The Rise of Skywalker; merely considering that one or a few persons cannot be blamed in a studio that has thousands of creative minds on board.

I am still hoping for the next trilogy to finally bring Balance to the galaxy, and also into the fandom. Rian Johnson had negotiated the rights for the next trilogy along with The Last Jedi; I assume it is very possible that there was a clause about intellectual property saying that only he would continue Episode VIII’s topics, nobody else. This would at least be an explanation, given the embarrassing, jumbled mess that Episode IX was.

The overall title of the saga assuredly never wanted to inspire the audience to start online wars attacking the studios or the actors or other fans out of the conviction of being entitled to blame someone else’s worldview. The saga’s message is compassion. Both George Lucas and the Disney studios are telling us their story; the idea and the rights do not belong to us. Harping on “whose fault” it allegedly is won’t bring us anywhere; what we can do is make the studios understand that we’re not too stupid not to understand the subtext, the symbolism and metaphysics of the saga beyond the action story. If they listened to the Last Jedi haters, in all fairness they are bound to listen to us, too. 😊

  IV. Will Ben’s story continue?

My husband already warned me years ago that Ben most probably wouldn’t survive, or at least not get a happy ending. As Kylo Ren he had already been the head of a criminal organization for six years at the start of The Force Awakens, but all of that perhaps could still have been condoned within the scope of war. It was the very personal and intentional act of patricide, the killing of an unarmed, forgiving man, who turned him into a damned person. And after the deed, Ben was aware of it. He knew there was no way out for him, he had gone too far.

Many members of the audience did not understand that Kylo / Ben is not an out-and-out villain and that this narrative ultimately was about his redemption. Bringing him back to the Resistance after the Exegol battle alive and by Rey’s side would not have been accepted; how was Rey to explain everything when she hardly understood it herself? How would the audience have reacted to the former head of a criminal organization, a patricide, suddenly standing out as a hero? Remember how in Return of the Jedi Luke asked Vader to come away with him. Now suppose Vader had complied? It would have seemed (and been) sheer madness. Nobody would have believed neither father nor son that the terror of the galaxy had had a sudden turn of heart. Nobody knew that he was Luke’s father; Luke himself did not know Anakin’s backstory; nobody knew what had transpired between Luke and Vader so far. Yes, Ben was young and healthy, but he still had terrorized the galaxy for years and killed his own father. He knew himself that he was damned and could not go back to normality, as Vader did.

Rey was coded as the heroine: narratively, the sequel trilogy was her story. Ben couldn’t become the hero, with or without her, at the very last moment. She usurped power like her grandfather in his time, the Skywalker family was obliterated the way the Jedi were, she takes over another mantle (Skywalker) the way Palpatine did (becoming the Emperor). Balance in the Force never was truly in the cards, it was only vaguely hinted at in The Last Jedi by the Force mosaic in the Ahch-To temple. Balance is a complex and difficult subject; it would have been extremely difficult to develop it in the sequel trilogy together with introducing the new characters and giving the old ones closure.

However: if Ben is brought back in the next trilogy, his sacrifice for Rey will have been his atonement. If his role this time is not that of the villain but of the hero, it would reverse Anakin’s path and make clear that he no longer is the same man. Vader was redeemed, not rehabilitated. His grandson might still have the chance to go that way.

- Luke had promised Rey a third lesson, and it happened. He also had promised Ben to “see him around”, which has not taken place yet.

- On Tatooine, Rey watches the twin suns setting, same as Luke before he met the other half of his soul (his twin sister) again.

- The studios had said that the sequels would be “very much like the prequels”; the prequels were a tragedy where the Dark Side (Palpatine) won that was followed by a fairy tale where the Light Side won.

- The Skywalker saga is closed, so if Ben comes back it would be justified by his being a Solo, i.e. the story of his own family and not his grandfather’s.

- Given the parallels with Beauty and the Beast, the Beast died before the broken spell brought him back, making him a wholly new person - his past identity, purged and redeemed.

- George Lucas repeatedly said that the prequels and the classics belong together as one narrative, with Anakin Skywalker at its center. First news of the next trilogy came up with The Last Jedi. Since there are strong parallels between Ben and his grandfather, we may assume that this six-chapter instalment will be his; Anakin also was left for dead but came back with a wholly different role and name.

- When Anakin was reborn as Darth Vader, he “rose” slowly from the ground, clad in his black armor. Ben fell to the ground abruptly and shed his black clothes, disappearing. This could be another clue. (It was also already speculated that Leia’s body dissolved exactly in this moment because she gave her life-force to her son for him to have another chance to live. Both Han and Luke had done what they could to atone for their remorse towards Ben; this might be her turn.)

- Much as I love Luke Skywalker, I can understand that Lucas did not see him as the saga’s protagonist. The overall arch is not so much about Luke’s heroism than about Anakin’s redemption and atonement. It is unusual because we expect the story’s “hero” to be the one who kills the Bad Guy; and indeed Anakin is, because he kills Palpatine in the end, the twist being that technically he is also a villain though not the archvillain.

- Ben had promised Anakin he would finish what he started. Anakin had been meant to bring Balance to the Force, and he had started a family. Until now, Ben did neither.

- If Ben and Rey are a dyad, i.e. one soul in two bodies, then Rey is in urgent need of her soulmate for her future tasks. She has her friends of course, but none of them gets her the way he did.

So, I still see reason to hope for a continuation, and, hopefully, satisfying conclusion of The Last Jedi’s themes.

  Film production: on a side note…

In the Nineties, Kirk Wise and Gary Trousdale were the directors both of Beauty and the Beast and Atlantis: two more different stories are hardly imaginable with regard to everything - drawing style, setting, characters, development, music etc. This outcome can’t have been only due to the director’s choices, there must have been a wholly different idea behind both films right from the beginning. Just saying.

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