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#chronic illness depression AND suicidal thoughts
nathanthemadscientist3 months ago
My biggest regret has to be that I did not went through with my suicide back then. I could have saved myself from so much more excruciating pain..
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anakinthetrashking7 months ago
How鈥檚 the Heart?
Somehow I made it and it is FINISHED!!!! This is my fic that I wrote for @batfam-big-bang鈥 !!!!
The biggest of shoutouts and THANK YOUUUUS to my incredible betas: Ace, Skye, and Em!!! @toomanyfandoms21鈥, @timmydrakewings鈥, and聽 @geekinthecorner鈥 !!!! I鈥檝e never actually had a beta before, but for this i had 3??? You guys were so kind and patient with me and my last minute tendencies. Thank you for all your suggestions and edits!!! [heart eyes]
and then!! ARTISTS!! you guys really put your heart and soul into the pieces you made and i just,,,, want to cry,,,,THAMKKKKK YOUUU!!!! keep being awesome! im love u: Butter, Dean and Lucy!!!!!! @heybabybird鈥, @greenbean-riverdean鈥, and @houser-of-stories鈥 !!!!!
Its a Tim-centric 3+1 Three times Tim is helped or comforted by his family, and one time where he's doing pretty alright. (TW: Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal thoughts, etc! full tags on ao3)
1) Here I am to Share the Fear (Tim & Damian & Dick) Bruce is back and everything seems to be going well- so of course old fears pop up again. Damian notices his absence and tries is best in his own way to offer some comfort.
2) Fly Towards the Calm (Tim & Steph & Cass) Steph notices that Tim's failing at basic self care again, so she declares Movie Night. She and Cass try to remind Tim that he needs to take the time to care for himself and not just continue pouring himself out on behalf of others.
3) Night Will Come But Not to Stay (Tim & Bruce) Turns out catching the Clench and loosing his spleen have more lasting effects than they thought. Tim tries to ignore and push past his new found limitations, Bruce notices that something is off and is there for the inevitable breakdown.
+1) Fair Winds, Another Tale (Tim & Alfred) A rare event of relaxation, the Waynes have a picnic at the manor. Alfred worries about his family, but for now, it seems like everything is alright.
Read it under the read more or on AO3 !
Here I Am To Share The Fear
Too much. Everything was too much.
Bruce was finally back, and Tim was glad that everyone was so happy - despite them all being wrong.
He shook his head and put a light smile on his face, trying to focus on the conversation in front of him, but Dick was so loud. And there were far too many people in the mansion - in the same room - Tim swallowed and grit his teeth against the feeling of his organs crawling up his throat.
There were eleven people in the room.
Ten roses in the flowered centerpiece on the buffet table.
Nine cups scattered about the room.
Eight candle flame shaped light bulbs in the chandelier.
Seven white socks (why was Dick only wearing one?)聽
Six voices in variating clarity.
Five鈥 Five? Five fingers on each hand.
Four windows, none open.
Three lamps, all unlit.
Two doors.
One exit. Viable exit, at least.
Zero people looking at him. Perfect.
It was time for him to go, so he took his exit as quietly as possible, noticing the volume of the crowd drop as he walked out. No one stopped him. No one seemed to notice. Or maybe they just didn鈥檛 care. Good. That- that was something he could deal with.
As he fled to his room, he couldn鈥檛 help but notice how alive the manor was. So many lights were on, even in empty rooms. Little things littered the place as if people actually lived here. A book on the table here, ready to be picked up and read from where they left off. A suitcase full of clothes there, waiting to be unpacked. Doors open instead of closed and locked. Bed covers turned down, ready to welcome them home.
Tim reached his door and saw the life that had flooded there as well. Posters, pictures of family and friends covered large portions of his walls. Little trinkets given to him were lovingly placed around his desk. It was more than he could take, so he ran. He ran and ran through hallways and past open doors until the warmth of the occupied portion of the Manor turned to the chilly halls of the guest wing. Back in the furthest unused room is where he finally stopped, willing his heart rate to slow down.
The room looked like something out of a book, everything covered with sheets and layered with undisturbed dust, no signs of life. The evening light cast the room in cool tones of blues and greys, shadows soft and hazy. The attached bathroom was much the same, cold tiles sucking the heat from his feet.
Sitting down, he hugged his knees to his chest, letting the lines of the sink cabinet dig into his back. Tim stared for a while, trying not to think, and letting the clock tick a rhythm into his head.
The clock sounded so loud, and his breath seemed even louder. Nothing felt ok. Exhaustion pushed at the edges of his vision while panic seemed to well up inside of him and claw into his throat. Everything felt like it was closing in on him so he pushed back, laying on the floor and stretching his arms and legs as far as they could go. The cold seeped into him and he vaguely wondered if that鈥檚 what it felt like to die. To let your warmth bleed out into the universe. Death鈥 was a calming thought. As humourless as that was, it forced a short laugh out of his throat.
Death would be preferable, he thought, to whatever feeling this is.
Bruce had been back for a month, and for a little while the triumph of bringing him home had been, well, satisfying. Relieving. Exhilarating.
But now, somehow, he was left feeling empty. Hollow. Carved out. His skin was pulled taut over his bones and there was nothing inside. Each day was an empty victory. A consolation prize. An uphill battle against an unseen enemy.
Eating, drinking, getting dressed, sleeping, showering, all done out of the necessity of existence. But most of the time he didn鈥檛 feel like he existed at all. Just a doll or a robot - there, but not really. Tossed aside until needed again. Some sort of empty, semi-existent thing. It felt too much like being five again and waiting by the phone for that occasional Sunday call from his parents.
A single tear slipped out, unbidden. It left a quickly cooling trail in its wake.
Everything is so stupid. Tim thought, frustrated by his own stagnancy, willing himself to just do something, instead of just lying there considering the logistics of several stupidly lethal ideas. He was working on kicking out the thoughts when he was distracted by the sound of light, purposeful footsteps. Damian. With footsteps like that it meant he was trying to be considerate. Creepy.
鈥淲hat do you want?鈥 Tim sighed.
鈥淒rake.鈥 Tim could feel rather than see the curt nod Damian gave him. 鈥淧ennyworth brought out those blueberry scones you seem to favor. However, you were not present. So I鈥︹ His self-assured tone faltered.
Tim turned to look at him for the first time. 鈥淵ou came looking for me?鈥
鈥淚 would hardly call it looking. You frequent a few spots and the conclusion was obvious by the number of people that are currently within the Manor.鈥 Damian sat cross legged on the floor, pushing a scone into Tim鈥檚 hands.
鈥淏ut why would you鈥?鈥 Tim sat up, arching an eyebrow.
鈥淚t is only natural to know your enemy, Drake. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.鈥 Damian sniffed and waited for Tim to take a bite. Then he continued. 鈥淭hen you will best know how to poison them.鈥 A (dare Tim say it) friendly smirk showed itself on Damian鈥檚 face.
Tim snorted, and for once they seemed to have gained a sort of mutual understanding.
They lapsed into silence again. Damian shifted, obviously wanting to say something but didn鈥檛 know how. The expression on his face looked so scrunched that Tim almost wanted to laugh.
Instead he asked, 鈥淚s it still unbearably loud out there?鈥
Damian clicked his tongue. 鈥淲ith Grayson in the room? Obviously.鈥
Somehow Damian seemed even more frustrated. There was a good chance that any moment now he would jump up and leave, but not before throwing out an insult to cover his wounded pride at having to retreat. In his own way, he was trying to offer an olive branch, and as tired as Tim was, something in him couldn鈥檛 let that opportunity pass. He could almost hear Dick鈥檚 voice in his head, telling him that if he would just talk with Damian, have a conversation, maybe they could find common ground.
For once, he could see the clumsy effort that the brat was making, and he knew deep down, more than anything they both yearned for warmth. Not the sort of warmth that contrasted the grounding feeling of the cold tile beneath him, but the warmth of human connection. The numbness that had been growing in him twisted at that thought and he decided to take a chance.
鈥淚t鈥檚 nice to have everyone around, but鈥︹ he glanced over to try to gauge a reaction, 鈥淚 can鈥檛 seem to settle into it.鈥
A sort of recognition, reflection, sparked in Damian鈥檚 eyes at that, and some of the tension began to leave his body. Tim continued.
鈥淚 guess it鈥檚 just that there鈥檚 always been something. If I do well enough in school, maybe my parents will take an interest in me. If I become a better Robin, maybe Batman will go back to normal. If I bring Bruce back, maybe we can all be happy again鈥 But it never works. It鈥檚 never enough, and now- now there鈥檚 just鈥 nothing.鈥
A few moments passed, and Damian鈥檚 own internal battle ended as he found the words to reach out in return.
鈥淚, too鈥 Mother鈥檚 time was very limited. I trained and studied hard for any extra moment of time or nod of approval she could give鈥 and after Father denied me, it was much the same, trying to rework standards and limits for his approval. Not having something specific to work towards does indeed seem鈥 disconcerting.鈥 Tim searched his face and found sincerity there, though his eyes seemed to be distant as he turned away.
Damian once again found himself at a loss for words, so he thought about what Grayson would do in such a situation. A hug was鈥 out of the question, but- he lay his hand in-between the two of them, palm open. This, he supposed, he could do. Tim took it, surprising them both. Damian鈥檚 hand felt almost unbearably warm after the cold of the tile floor.
They sat again, together, in silence. It was more companionable, though still awkward and stilted in ways neither knew how to fix.
鈥淭here鈥檚 nothing more I can do for this family. There鈥檚 nothing I can think of.鈥 The silence stretched before them, and Tim hesitated to put his fear into words.
Finally, he whispered, 鈥 There鈥檚 no excuse for me to stay now.鈥
Damian鈥檚 face whipped around to face him. 鈥淎s usual, you are wrong, Drake.鈥 He scoffed, 鈥淒on鈥檛 you know you can鈥檛 choose who your family is?鈥 pausing, he let go of Tim鈥檚 hand and stood up, turning to leave. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e stuck with us whether you like it or not.鈥
Quick but light footsteps sounded out in the hallway.
鈥淕rayson!鈥 Damian called, 鈥淐ome fix Drake before Father requires his assistance again!鈥 Nodding to Tim he left without another word.
Dick then came skidding around the corner into the bathroom, one socked foot sliding out against the tile. 鈥淭im! Are you ok? What鈥檚 wrong? Why are you here of all places?鈥
Overly warm hands, distant eyes, honest feelings? Tim let out a deep sigh. 鈥淵ou should be more worried about the little gremlin. I think he鈥檚 got a fever.鈥
Dick tensed as if to sprint off again, and Tim held in a sigh of disappointment, knowing that Damian would be the priority, yet again. But instead of running off, Dick simply pulled out his phone and sent off a text, settling down into the spot on the floor that had been recently vacated.
鈥淏ruce is on it.鈥 He glanced out the doorway as if he could still see Damian storming past. 鈥淒id he-?鈥 The question of his behavior went unsaid but not uncommunicated.
鈥淣o, we had a completely civil conversation. One might even call it a heart-to-heart, by our standards.鈥
鈥淭herefore, he must be sick?鈥
鈥淥ther signs, too. But yeah.鈥
The buzz of an incoming message confirmed it, but Dick put his phone away instead of typing out a reply.
鈥淎 heart-to-heart, eh? I always knew you guys could get along if you just tried talking.鈥
鈥淒on鈥檛 you dare say I told you so,鈥 Tim shot a glare at Dick who was failing terribly at trying to look affronted at the very thought,聽 鈥渂ut it does seem like we are a lot more alike than I realized.鈥
鈥淲ho would鈥檝e known?鈥 Dick teased.
鈥淣ever mind, just say I told you so next time.鈥 Tim grumbled. 鈥淎nyway, it seemed like he was really trying, and that he wanted to help in some way. I guess I just couldn鈥檛 ignore that.鈥
鈥淵eah.鈥 Dick had his proud big brother face on. 鈥淚'm glad you guys are finally getting along. What did you talk about?鈥
鈥淥h, you know, feeling worthless without having something to focus on, questioning our places in people's lives, the usual. 鈥溌犅
鈥淭hat does seem to be a common theme in our family.鈥
鈥淗e called me family,鈥 Tim murmured. 鈥淥r, well, he implied it. But for him, that鈥檚 basically saying it.鈥
鈥淭im, that鈥檚鈥︹ Even Dick looked astounded.
鈥淣o, not unbelievable.鈥 He chided. 鈥淏ut definitely surprising.鈥
鈥淭hat鈥檚 one way to get me out of a bad mood, I guess. I was so surprised that it jarred me right out of my own downwards spiral.鈥 Tim closed his eyes and took another deep breath. 鈥淢ost everything still sucks, but that鈥檚 a bright spot, at least. My therapist keeps telling me to look for those. I guess I have another one to add to the list.鈥 He turned his head to share a small smile before standing up to stretch. 鈥淭hat and Alfred鈥檚 blueberry scones. I sure hope there鈥檚 some left.鈥
Dick matched his smile with a blinding one of his own and reached over to ruffle Tim鈥檚 hair.
鈥淵ou know, if you ever need to talk-鈥
鈥淚 know.鈥 Tim bumped his shoulder into Dick鈥檚. 鈥淭hanks, Dick.鈥
Fly Towards The Calm
鈥淭hink fast!鈥 Stephanie鈥檚 entrance was about as subtle as a stampede.聽 She must have been hanging out with Jason lately. As the door behind her swung closed, she tossed a tightly, carefully wrapped package at his face. He caught it with one hand as he finished reading the last paragraph of the proposal he was looking over.
鈥淓vidently I鈥檓 the Wayne family errand boy now,鈥 she whined as she jumped up to sit on his desk. 鈥淚 drove the brat home from school and got enlisted by Alfred to deliver food to your sorry butt.鈥
鈥淵ou could have said no.鈥 he muttered. Peeling back the folded wax paper revealed a tuna fish sandwich, exactly how he liked it, though a bit squished from being thrown across a room.
鈥淩efused? Alfred? Are you joking?鈥 she asked, over dramatically taken aback. 鈥淏esides, I was rewarded with my own delicious sandwich and not one but two cupcakes.鈥
鈥淭wo?鈥 his eyebrow raised.聽
鈥淲ell, he only gave me one, but generously allowed me to snatch a second. I didn鈥檛 eat yours because I鈥檓 nice.鈥 She dropped the rest of his lunch on his now closed laptop.
鈥淚ndeed, I shall never be able to repay your kindness,鈥 he said around his own mouthful of sandwich.
鈥淵ou got that right. Anyway, Cass and I are gonna have a night on the town tonight, wanna come with?鈥
Tim hummed in agreement.
鈥淕reat! I鈥檒l text her. You should probably get a nap first though. Come on, you can eat on the way.鈥 She popped the last bite in her mouth and hopped off the desk.
Gathering his things, he glanced at her in amusement. 鈥淎lfred put you up to this, too?鈥
She rolled her eyes. 鈥淒o you even have to ask?鈥
Looping her arm in his, they headed to the door. He noticed a slight hesitation in her steps and turned to find her looking at him funny. But she just shook her head and let whatever it was, be.
Until they got in the car, of course.
Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye as she sped down the road she asked, with a tone he couldn鈥檛 quite decipher , 鈥淒id you use my dry shampoo?鈥
His mind ground to a halt. Of all the questions he thought she鈥檇 ask, that was not one of them, and for the life of him, he couldn鈥檛 reason out why. They constantly borrowed each others鈥 things without issue, and for that matter, so did the rest of their mismatched clan. Maybe he was hallucinating. Maybe he needed that nap after all.
聽It had been a minute, maybe he should answer the question.
鈥淕ot my own bottle.鈥 He said carefully, 鈥淪eemed useful.鈥
鈥淗mm.鈥 God, now she sounded like Bruce. How many odd habits had she picked up from them?聽
鈥淭im鈥︹ she sounded soft and hesitant, as if he were fragile. He hated when they did that. 鈥淲hen鈥檚 the last time you took a shower? Or ate a full meal?鈥
He contemplated it with a hum. 鈥淧atrol,鈥 he said finally.
Stephanie鈥檚 hands tightened on the steering wheel for a moment. 鈥淗as it been bad lately?鈥
鈥淲hat? 鈥h.鈥 Oh. 鈥淣ot鈥 really? It鈥檚 just been numb. Quiet. A bit like the way everything is muffled when you鈥檙e underwater.鈥 A bit like drowning, he left unsaid.
She nodded and made a sudden U-turn. When he looked at her in askance, she shrugged. 鈥淲e鈥檒l patrol together another night. I鈥檒l update Cass when we get to my apartment, but go ahead and text Alfred now. We鈥檙e going to have a self-care night with movies and facemasks and whatever other dumb indulgent Pinterest crap I can think of.鈥
Tim opened his mouth to argue but found he was too tired to care and yawned instead. 鈥淣ap first?鈥
鈥淪hower first. Then nap.鈥
He woke the moment she opened the door and turned his head to meet her gaze as she poked her head in with a grin.
鈥淐a-鈥 he broke off in a yawn, 鈥淐ass!鈥
With a quick glance behind her, she continued into the room, holding out a steaming mug. Tim sat up in bed, gleefully accepting it as she sat down next to him.
鈥淐offee,鈥 he sighed in delight.
鈥淐offee.鈥 She agreed with a solemn nod.
The silence was comforting as they sat there, leaning against each other, Tim soaking in the rare precious moments where he wasn鈥檛 rushed, or pulled this way and that. Reaching the bottom of the mug, he set it aside, wrapping his arms around his sister instead.
鈥淵ou are a blessing upon humanity,鈥 he said, 鈥渨e don鈥檛 deserve you.鈥
She laughed and tightened the hug. The moment felt just like flying free above the streets of Gotham, and the thought of staying in for the night felt right. Cass pulled away just enough to look at him face to face, an amused twist to her lips.
鈥淵ou smell like a Steph!鈥 Squeezing him once more, she slipped away and was halfway out the door again when she turned as if she had just remembered something. 鈥淥h!鈥 her smile turned sly, 鈥淒ecaf!鈥
鈥淗ey!鈥 He jumped out of the bed to catch up with her, but when he rounded the hall into the living room he was stopped in his tracks.
It seemed that somewhere in between dropping him off at her apartment to take a nap while she met up with Cass and 鈥済athered necessary supplies鈥, and returning with said supplies, the original objective had been lost.
鈥淚t looks like you brought back half the manor鈥檚 supply of blankets and robbed a concession stand鈥 and is that the old DVD case? I thought I got rid of that.鈥
鈥淵eah. Me and Dick saved it! Having everything digital may be convenient, but having a physical folder of DVDs just feels right!鈥
Tim suppressed the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and decided to leave the debate of Digital vs. Physical for another day.
鈥淎nyway, you鈥檙e up just in time to help us set up the blanket fort!鈥
An hour later found the living room unrecognizable under the piles of pillows and draped sheets. Tim and Steph stood in the kitchen sorting snacks and discussing the night鈥檚 activities.
鈥-and then there鈥檚 this green tea and honey one that鈥檚 really great, very soothing-鈥
鈥淪teph, you don鈥檛 have to explain them all to me, you know I鈥檒l always let you test your facial concoctions out on me,鈥 he cut in.
鈥淥f course I know that. I鈥檓 not rambling about them for my benefit- I鈥檓 rambling about them for yours鈥
A head tilt was his only reply.
鈥淥k, let me try to explain this in a different way.鈥 she put down her phone to look at him. 鈥淭onight, Cass and I are going to attempt to teach you how to take care of yourself.鈥
鈥淚 know-鈥澛
鈥淣ot in the way that you鈥檝e done or that you know. Your version of taking care of yourself is to fool the cameras, the public, to fool Batman into thinking that you鈥檙e at your best.鈥 she shoots him a look. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e not. You鈥檙e running on fumes and you can鈥檛 fool your family.鈥
鈥淭aking care of yourself is NOT finding the lowest number of hours of sleep that you can 鈥榝unction鈥 on.鈥 She makes quotes in the air with her fingers. 鈥淚t is not replacing a meal with a power bar, even if the calories are the same! It鈥檚 not only taking showers when you have to leave the house, or shutting yourself in to do casework all the time!鈥 her hands fly up in the air and she huffs.聽
Taking his hands in hers she looks him square in the eyes before saying more softly, 鈥淪elf-care is eating full, balanced, Alfred-cooked meals as often as you can. It鈥檚 doing your laundry every week and brushing your teeth twice a day. It鈥檚 taking naps even when you would literally rather be sorting through the 5-year backup of paperwork in R&D. Or better yet, getting a full 8-10 hours of sleep regularly! It鈥檚 looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, everyday, 鈥業 am good enough. I am worthy of and deserve all the love me friends and family try to give me.鈥櫬
And tonight! Taking care of yourself is having a spa night with Cass and I while we watch anime movies and eat copious amounts of junk food, because we all know that patrol burns an extra 2,000 calories anyway! Plus, we can look at the Affirmations board I have on Pinterest! Cass likes practicing saying them while she beats up bad guys. Says the look on their faces is priceless.鈥
鈥淔unniest one, I said, 鈥業 aspire to be a blessing and an inspiration to others.鈥欌 Cass recites popping her head out from the mass of blankets, 鈥淕uy completely stopped! Then I punched him.鈥
Night Will Come But Not To Stay
鈥淚 cant- I can鈥檛 do this anymore! I won鈥檛 do this anymore!鈥
鈥溾hat?鈥 his tears paused for the barest moment, before overflowing again. Bruce was crouched in front of him, tear tracks staining his face.
A moment ago Bruce had been standing with his back to him, untouched by Tim鈥檚 words, or perhaps instead, disgusted?聽
But perhaps that conclusion was wrong. As Tim searched his face now, it looked more like he was the one in pain and exhausted beyond belief.
His lips were moving, and Tim struggled to catch up.
鈥淲hat?鈥 he repeated, softly and sniffly, a cord of self-disgust lashing out within him at the pathetic sound of it.
Not just tear tracks, it seemed. Bruce was still shedding tears as he repeated himself.
鈥淒o you promise? That you won鈥檛 do this anymore?鈥
Tim鈥檚 mind felt like sludge as he tried to piece together how that request could possibly fit into the context of the last few minutes.
They had been training, not so long ago. Bruce had reached out to Tim first, this time. Offered to train together like they had in the past. Tim had jumped at the chance. He should have known better.
It had been going fine, at first. Great, even.
But his insomnia had been worse than usual this past week, and his other symptoms had been acting up, too. In response to the lack of sleep, maybe, or just the continued pattern he had observed, gradually worsening over time.
Honestly, it was probably a great big mix of things.
But he hadn鈥檛 been willing to cancel - not the first thing that he had actually been looking forward to in鈥 too long to think about.
So, he鈥檇 shown up anyway, his body begging him to just rest.
They鈥檇 warmed up and started sparring.
It hadn鈥檛 even been fifteen minutes of sparring, and his body went from begging to outright rebellion.
He went down and couldn鈥檛 get back up.
And for some stupid reason, Bruce had decided to yell at him to get up.
So, he yelled back.
He鈥檚 not even sure what all he said, just that this last added bit of disappointment piled atop the ever-building terror of symptoms and lit the fuse that exploded within him and stole the earth from under his feet. It ripped through him and tore out his throat, multiplying as his view was constrained to the back of the man he respected most, seeming to be utterly unmoved by it all.
His obvious confusion and continued silence spurred Bruce to try to explain.
鈥淧romise me that you鈥檒l stop running yourself into the ground. Please.鈥 He tilted his head to try and catch Tim鈥檚 eye. 鈥淚 know you鈥檝e been struggling, and not just lately. Alfred said you鈥檝e seemed like you鈥檝e been having an especially difficult time for quite a while. He said he had been meaning to bring it up to me before鈥 and that he had tried to talk to you while I was gone, but that he couldn鈥檛 get you to stay in one place long enough to broach the subject. I know something鈥檚 going on. Tell me about it. Let me help.鈥
鈥淪omething鈥檚 going-? Help?鈥 his laugh was incredulous and desperate as he dug his fingers into the mats beneath him before forcing them to relax. 鈥淣o. You can鈥檛- you can鈥檛 help me.鈥 He scoffed. 鈥淲as this-鈥 he waved his hand around to try to indicate this situation that he couldn鈥檛 find words for, 鈥渢his, supposed to be helpful?鈥
鈥淲ell,鈥 Bruce looked a bit sheepish, 鈥渨hen you get stressed, I know you tend to internalize all of it. Direct it all at yourself. I thought if you had something outside yourself to direct it at instead鈥 It had worked for-鈥 he cut himself off. 鈥淲ell.鈥 He said again, letting it rest a moment before continuing at a different angle. 鈥淲hat do you mean I can鈥檛 help you?鈥
鈥淚 mean, you can鈥檛. I- I already researched it. There鈥檚 nothing- I mean, I sure had enough time. I had thought, with how tired I am, that maybe it鈥檇 help with my insomnia. You鈥檇 think so, right? But no. No. I鈥檓 still awake, but now I鈥檓 lying there, and I can鈥檛 do anything. Because I鈥檓 too tired! I鈥檓 so tired, Bruce. I thought- I thought I knew what tired was.鈥
鈥淭im, you鈥檙e not making sense. What鈥檚 going on? Why are you so tired?鈥 he shifted to sit down and lifted his arms to give Tim a hug but stopped short, holding there, offering.
Tim fell into his arms and Bruce gathered his son as best he could.
鈥淭urns out The Clench has permanent effects that the cure couldn鈥檛 reverse. They鈥檙e only just beginning to research it, but I鈥檝e been tracking symptoms. Chronic fatigue and pain, nerve damage, migraines- other things they aren鈥檛 sure are connected. There isn鈥檛 a cure, and it鈥檚 gradually been getting worse. I鈥檝e tried the suggestions though it's hardly any change: diet, exercise, rest, the basics. But it鈥檚 all just maintenance, and I can鈥檛-鈥溌 he went limp as his eyes filled with tears again. 鈥淚 can鈥檛 do the things I used to be able to. I鈥檓 barely making patrol- the rest of the day I鈥檓 in bed. I can鈥檛 do classes. I had intended- I was going to finish High School, or maybe get my GED. But I have to lay down after taking a shower. I can hardly think anymore. I have to drag myself out of bed to go to the bathroom. I used to be able to do everything, and now I can鈥檛 do anything! I can鈥檛 help you anymore! And you can鈥檛 help me.鈥
鈥淥h, sweetheart,鈥 Bruce pulled him closer to his chest and rested his cheek on his head, rocking them back and forth. 鈥淚t鈥檒l be ok. We鈥檒l figure it out.鈥
鈥淣o, it won鈥檛! It鈥檒l never be ok again! Can鈥檛 you see? I can鈥檛 eat, I can鈥檛 sleep, I can鈥檛 think! I can鈥檛 think, Dad! What use am I now?鈥 his voice broke and Bruce felt his heart break with it.
鈥淭im,鈥 he gathered Tim鈥檚 hands in his own from where they were clutching his shirt, and planted a kiss on his knuckles, smoothing over them with his thumb. 鈥淪on, listen to me. You were not born into this world to be useful.鈥 He stopped him before he could interrupt. 鈥淚 know you like being useful. I like being useful, too. But I need you to listen to me. You are more precious to me than all the stars in the sky. Nothing will change that. When I say, 鈥淲e鈥檒l figure it out鈥, I鈥檓 not talking about a cure, or some way to make sure you are, quote unquote, 鈥渦seful鈥. I mean that we鈥檒l figure out a way for you to live a happy life. A successful life in whatever capacity that it may mean for you. When I say 鈥渋t鈥檒l be ok鈥, I don鈥檛 mean that I have a fix, I just mean that no matter what, the others and I will be here for you, however you need us. I mean that no matter what happens, you have a place here. You are my son. I love you.鈥 Bruce cradled Tim close again, and their tears mingled where their cheeks pressed together.
鈥淚t鈥檚 ok. I鈥檓 here鈥
(+1) Fair Winds, Another Tale
Despite still being in the middle of setting things up, the picnic mood was already in full swing. Large blankets were being weighed down by pillows and baskets of assorted snacks. Tables were being laid out to hold the main meal, soon to be a large potluck. No matter how much Alfred insisted on being the one to cook it all, each attendee persisted in bringing something to share. He faintly wondered if they would run out of table space again this time 鈥榬ound.
With the majority of the tasks already accomplished, and the remaining tasks hijacked by the ever-enthusiastic young people, Alfred found himself with nothing pressing to do. He made his way over to where Tim sat, transferring water bottles and pop cans from cartons to coolers.
鈥淎s much as I appreciate the help, I do so wish they鈥檇 stop flinging cutlery across the lawn.鈥
Tim looked up to watch Steph and Duke and Jason for a moment, trying to suppress his own smirk at the sight of them gleefully tossing said cutlery to each other.
鈥淚 mean, it's just plastic, right?鈥
Alfred sighed as he sat in a camping chair set up next to the coolers. 鈥淵es, but that鈥檚 not quite the point. The job is getting done, though, I suppose.鈥
They sat a moment in pleasant silence, watching as their family milled about, more relaxed than Alfred had seen in years. He hated to break the quiet, but with the entire family around lately and as busy as ever, he had hardly had a decent conversation with any of them. He worried about all of them, of course, and their shared inability to ask for help, but Timothy was an especially quiet lad, when it came to facing problems.
鈥淗ow are things?鈥
鈥淲ell, all the drinks are already chilled, and we have plenty of ice.鈥
He shrugged a little at Alfred鈥檚 pointed look. 鈥淚 think they鈥檙e ok.鈥 He fiddled a bit with the boxes and tied a fresh garbage bag to the back of a cooler. 鈥淣ot great, but ok. The weight, the fog鈥 It鈥檚 lessened, somehow?鈥
鈥淵our medication is helping?鈥
鈥淵eah, I think that鈥檚 a big part of it. But more than that, the way that I think about things now, it鈥檚- I mean, obviously, it鈥檚 taken months, and 鈥榖etter鈥 isn鈥檛 a word that I鈥檇 use- but there鈥檚 been progress. And for once? It鈥檚 like I can let that progress just, be? I鈥檓 not sure how to explain it, really.鈥 He leaned back to stare at the sky. 鈥 I鈥檓 still working on things, and putting effort into it, but I guess I鈥檓 not expecting things to be fixed completely and immediately.鈥
Alfred hummed in response encouraging him to continue.
鈥淒on鈥檛 get me wrong, it鈥檚 still frustrating to no end. Trying to 鈥榣et go鈥 of perfectionism and the control issues鈥 Sometimes I feel more like I鈥檓 chopping off parts of myself with the issues rather than just 鈥榣etting them go鈥. But I鈥檝e been finding new ways to define myself, and it鈥檚 been more manageable lately. I can work with manageable. And when it鈥檚 not, I have people who make it bearable.鈥 He looked off to where Bruce was welcoming their first guests. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 more than enough for me.鈥
鈥淢aster Timothy,鈥 Alfred waited until Tim met his sincere gaze, 鈥淚 am so proud of you.鈥
The small smile Tim shot at him reminded him so much of the shy grins that were common when young Timothy had first entered their lives. Alfred鈥檚 heart ached for the many children whose smiles he had seen stolen over the years. The moment was cut short as Jason stormed over demanding,
鈥淭im, Steph is insisting that the 2005 Pride and Prejudice is better than the 1995 version. You have to tell her she鈥檚 wrong.鈥
Steph came bounding over with Duke. 鈥淲hat's wrong with you? Do you hate Kiera Knightley or something?鈥
Jason took a dramatic step back with his hand on his heart. 鈥淵ou should know better than to ask that question! But the 1995 version is still the better version. It's more faithful to the books! The delivery is stunning! The banter is unsurpassable! And it has Colin. Firth.鈥
Duke breaks in, 鈥淚 mean, he鈥檚 got a point. They took the time necessary to keep as many details as possible from the book. Elizabeth鈥檚 take down of Darcy is unparalleled. When it comes to banter that鈥檚 definitely the one to watch. Also, the 2005 Mr. Bennet is kinda creepy, not gonna lie.鈥
鈥淪ee? Duke here is a man of taste.鈥
鈥淏ut the aesthetic!鈥澛 Stephanie cried, 鈥淭he finger twitch! Darcy looking like a sad puppy in the rain! Elizabeth kissing Darcy鈥檚 hand!!! 2005 is a masterpiece! Tim, you tell them!鈥
鈥淒on鈥檛 look at me, I think they鈥檙e both great. Besides, I like Jane Eyre better.鈥 Tim says.
The other three stop and stare.
鈥淵ou know, that makes sense.鈥 Duke said with an assessing look. 鈥淧ersonally, my favorite is the Count of Monte Cristo.鈥
Jason threw up his hands in defeat. 鈥淵ou guys aren鈥檛 even talking about Jane Austen anymore!鈥 They all turned as another car came up the drive. 鈥淥h thank god, Babs is here! She鈥檒l take my side.鈥
Their conversation faded into the distance as they paraded back across the lawn, dragging Tim into their argument as they went.
Bruce聽 watched them fondly out of the corner of his eye as he approached in turn.
鈥淭he Kent鈥檚 are here, save Clark. Lois says he tried a new recipe and wanted to run it past Martha first. Diana鈥檚 running a bit late, but for the most part it seems that everyone else will be here in an hour or so. How are things coming along?鈥
Alfred knew he was asking about more than just picnic preparations. 鈥淎ll is well, Master Bruce. For once, all is well.鈥
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alyagrestes13 hours ago
Just a little point about Chat Noir + that cataclysm moment in聽鈥楪uilttrip鈥 + audience ages
Under the cut!聽
I keep seeing so many people applaud this moment for聽鈥榬aising the age bracket鈥 of the show. Marinette has depression and depersonalization disorder now! Rose has a chronic illness! Adrien almost cataclysmed himself out of existence - Miraculous has to be upping its audience age, right?
Gonna argue this one and maybe try and shift the perspective of why we should be applauding Miraculous. To me, Miraculous has always been a show everyone can enjoy. I watch it with my mom, the kids I鈥檓 babysitting, my friends in their late teens and 20鈥瞫. I watch it with females, males, non-binary folks, etc. Whether it鈥檚 the love square or the superhero plot, there鈥檚 something in here for everyone to enjoy together.聽
What impresses me most with the direction Season 4 seems to be going is what everyone else discusses: the depression, the illness, Adrien鈥檚 attempt. But you know what? I don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 an argument that they鈥檙e聽鈥渢rying to raise the target audience鈥 - if anything, I hope they don鈥檛.聽
I see so much of my past self in Adrien. I look at the kid and he鈥檚 me. Marinette, too, is someone whose choices I can respect, admire, try to emulate.聽
Last night and seeing Adrien鈥檚 suicide attempt (I鈥檓 gonna call it that without any bullshit) got me thinking about watching this show with my future kids. It definitely brought me back to some not-very-pleasant memories in my life, and some not-very-far-in-the-past depressive thoughts. Seeing Marinette struggle with her own depression felt a little too real and a little too personal.聽
If I show this to my kids down the road, which of course I plan to, I鈥檓 going to be so. Thrilled. That I get to explain those emotions through such positive role models. And this is why I鈥檓 so impressed with the Miraculous team - they鈥檙e not trying to hide this. Kids watching Miraculous need to know these feelings will occur. They鈥檒l happen - they鈥檙e a part of life sometimes that we must learn to make friends with.聽
Honestly? Showing Miraculous characters dealing with the weight of their life - dealing with depression - shouldn鈥檛 mean that 鈥渢he show is getting so dark now, they鈥檙e finally upping the age audience!鈥. Kids need to see this. They need to see these feelings normalized; they need to see more media content that doesn鈥檛 dumb their emotions down and makes them feel safe, seen, loved. Life is not sunshine and rainbows all the time, as most other fiction marketed towards them seems to preach. You can certainly fight against the darkness with positivity - like Rose does with her illness, like Ladybug and Chat help the citizens of Paris do - but life is going to suck. You鈥檙e going to feel bad, you鈥檙e going to feel scared, and there鈥檚 no avoiding that. It鈥檚 not the absence of darkness that matters... it鈥檚 just how we deal with it.聽
Kids need to understand that even their superheroes won鈥檛 feel worthy of being heroes sometimes, but that doesn鈥檛 make their lives worth any less.聽
So yeah, I just think that Miraculous is carving an amazing path for all-ages fiction to be heading. It鈥檚 good storytelling that considers its repercussions on its characters, first of all... but most importantly, I hope, like I truly hope with all of my heart, that what we鈥檙e seeing in Season 4 is going to help some kid out there - whether they鈥檙e watching with their family, their sitter, their friends, or just themselves -聽feel a little less lonely. Because they deserve to see what鈥檚 happening to Marinette. They deserve to see what happened to Adrien in Guilttrip. They deserve to know they can get through those feelings, too.
I hope Marinette and Adrien make them - make everyone - feel more like everyday heroes. We all deserve that.
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melancholy-pal9 days ago
I feel like my brain is rotting
Hello !
I don't know how to explain this but I feel so, so stupid. I still think i can be smart, but at the same time I feel so stuck inside my own brain, i cannot form a thought, everything lacks coherence, My sentences begin but never end, forcing myself to think physically pains me (in my chest and throat), like I can't plan my day because it's so difficult to focus on my thoughts. It's like trying to read without your glasses on and being heavily drunk at a party.
I feel like nothing goes on in my brain, just statics, nothing happens and everything feels heavy on my chest. Everything that does not require thinking hurts me as well, make me feel like it drains whatever is left of my cognitive abilities : commercials, TV, instagram, youtube videos, tiktok evrything just drains and pains me. But I can't do anything that requires thoughts because I can't focus.
I feel like i'm going insane, hearing commercial or stupid dialogues make me irrationally angry . Colors make me angry as well, seeing saturated colors makes me so mad.
Talking to my friends makes me mad, i don't feel like they like me, i feel they like that i offer them emotional support, i don't want to see or hear about people anymore, hearing them complain makes me mad, thinking about my loved ones struggles and mental health hurts me physically so i don't think about it and dont help them anymore i m just becoming a bad person and a bad friend. I can't stand people talking about how they wan't to die or about theire struggles at all i just become angry and lash out or ignore them for days, and become part of the problem.
You know that state of meditation everyone thinks is impossible to obtain, when you have no thoughts at all ? That's what I feel : juste white noise, constantly, in my brain plus a constant state of confusion and a little bit of anger or sadness.
Everything feels so absurd. It's like nothing makes sense, not in an edgy or philosophical way, no, it makes no sense as in "this math problem is weird" way, in a "my dreams make no sense" way, or in a Ionesco's play way or a Dali's painting. It's : stuff happens, nothing is logical. Everything is like reading in an unkown langage.
I feel like evrything is making me dumb and that my brain is litteraly rotting or melting i wish i could just, clean it , put it in rice or something. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be able to plan my day and form thoughts and know what i want to do or what i want to eat or who i am or what i feel but whenever I try to think it doesn't work ?? I just can't form thoughts I don't know what to do. Also I feel like if i cried i'd feel good, but i cannot cry. I have no reason to cry, but i want to, but it doesnt come out.
Also what is time ?? I've been at my mom's house for three weeks (lockdown in france) and it feels like 3months i feel so dead and rotten ???? It's like i'm burnt out from being alive. I wake up and i'm like "wait again?", like im genuinely confused because evry night feels like it's the end but then there's another day ???
I've been feeling like this for about 5 months now, with moments where i felt completely normal, even happy, or sad and depressed but still with some mental clarity but now everything is statics i cant do my school work, i want to be able to write essays again, i cant maintain friendships, i m mean to my friends, i m mean to my family, i m easily angry etc. Also I'm 19 and a girl so maybe that's just hormones and hysteria idk. I never had a teenage crisis or whatever so maybe it's happening now ? I want it to stop happen but i dont know where to begein cuz my brain is just OFF all the time and does not want to cooperate. I mean it's my brain so if i try really hard i can do something.
I probaby should see a therapist but my -mother is already chronically ill and suicidal and my sister also suicidal and is a borderline sociopath and my father is just, not here and also depressed and dumb and i don't want to give them more worries but also i can't stand those people anymore i don't want to have any responsabilities and tehrefore don't want to be with people because i feel responsible for their well being even tho i am nOt and i know this.
Any tips for brain fog ?
Thanks for everyone reading this, I'm not sure what i'm trying to say but i just need to express myself because i feel lonely and i feel like i can't rely on anyone at the moment. Also i'm not at risk of self harm nor suicide, i just want to feel ok but can't do it alone and cant see a professional right now. I will when i can.
Thank you so so much for reading i hope everyone has a great day, or night, take care of yourselves and your loved ones evryone deserves love
submitted by /u/I_am_but_a_vessel [link] [comments] from Mental Health
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sanitatemmentis11 days ago
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Depression, also known as major depressive disorder, is a mood disorder that makes you feel constant sadness or lack of interest in life.
Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home.
Symptoms of Depression:
Emotions - Sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, mood swings, and irritability.
Thoughts - Self-criticism, impaired memory, indecisiveness, confusion, thoughts of death, and suicide.
Physical - Chronic fatigue, lack of energy, sleeping too much or too little, weight gain or loss, lost of motivation, and substance abuse.
Behavior - Withdrawal from others, neglect of responsibilities, and changes in personal appearance.
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blog-farabovetheworld12 days ago
depression is truly one of the most prominent mental illnesses in the world. Depression is defined as a mental illness inducing a severe and staunch feeling of sadness. The term depressed is coined in English as a temporary sadness that everyone experiences in their life. Despite that depression is more active in women, it is still one of the most common mental illnesses in the world. It affects anybody, regardless of sex, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic standing.
Depression heavily influences emotions and one鈥檚 outlook on life and more than often ends up changing a person鈥檚 life in a major way. People experiencing depression often feel sad every day and cry very often, making that too another daily routine. Even when participating in activities that used to bring joy, people begin to lose interest and begin secluding themselves from people and things they love.
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Like psychotherapy, antidepressants are a key part of treating depression. They aim to relieve symptoms and prevent depression from coming back.
Opinions vary on how effective antidepressants are in relieving the symptoms of depression. Some people doubt that they work well, while others consider them to be essential. But, like with many other treatments, these medications may help in some situations and not in others. They are effective in moderate, severe and chronic depression, but probably not in mild cases. They can also have side effects. It is important to discuss the pros and cons of antidepressants with your doctor.
The main aim of treatment with antidepressants is to relieve the symptoms of severe depression, such as feeling very down and exhausted, and prevent them from coming back. They are meant to make you feel emotionally stable again and help you to follow a normal daily routine. They are also taken to relieve symptoms such as restlessness, anxiety and sleep problems, and to prevent suicidal thoughts.
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鈥淚f you鈥檙e being treated for depression, taking an antidepressant may be part of your treatment plan. Antidepressants work by balancing chemicals in your brain called neurotransmitters that affect mood and emotions. These depression medicines can help improve your mood, help you sleep better, and increase your appetite and concentration鈥, - says psychologist Nana Kakhiani
She adds that antidepressants can help jump-start mood and give people the boost they need to get over the symptoms of their depression. This often allows patients to start doing the things they enjoy again and make better choices for themselves, which also helps contribute to a more positive mood. Nana says: 鈥淲hile many people find that antidepressants work well to help reduce the symptoms of depression, you might not feel better right away. It usually takes at least three to four weeks before you notice a change in your mood. Sometimes it can take even longer. Taking the medicine every day as directed helps increase the chance that it works.鈥
鈥淲hile many people find that antidepressants work well to help reduce the symptoms of depression, you might not feel better right away. It usually takes at least three to four weeks before you notice a change in your mood. Sometimes it can take even longer. Taking the medicine every day as directed helps increase the chance that it works鈥, - says psychologist.
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increased appetite and weight gain
loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems
dry mouth
blurred vision
鈥淚 had been battling depression and anxiety without medication for several years and finally realized it had gotten out of control. I was missing work, having panic attacks, and just generally not functioning well鈥, - says Lana Lutidze, a philology major. I鈥檝e always struggled with my weight, and that was a main reason I resisted medication when I was younger 鈥 I didn鈥檛 want to gain the weight that can come with antidepressants. I even stayed on the wrong medication for way longer than I should have because it was helping keep my weight down.
鈥淣ow I feel like I gain weight much more easily, but since I鈥檓 able to go about my life (get out of bed, go to work, be motivated, enjoy a quiet social agenda), I鈥檝e made some peace with the trade-off.
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rwhague15 days ago
Anxiety Disorders for Writers Summarized
We traumatize our characters all the time with violence鈥攚itnessed or experience鈥攖raumatic life events, or stress beyond their wildest dreams. It is not a far-stretch to assume that your characters might be experiencing things beyond their ability to handle. So, when you are terrorizing your characters, think about what level of terror you are creating. The goal of this post is to explain what happens in the body during these elevated levels of stress.
As always, this is not a tool to diagnose or treat any mental illness in anyway.
Anxiety is defined as 鈥渁 vague feeling of dread or apprehension.鈥 This can be caused by different triggers鈥攅xternal or internal. It is not the same as fear, however, which is feeling afraid or threatened by an identifiable external stimulus that represents danger to the person. Anxiety is unavoidable in life, but it becomes a disorder when it begins to significantly impair daily routines, social lives, and occupational functioning.
People suffering from anxiety disorders have unusual behaviors like panic attacks, unwarranted fear of objects or life conditions, uncontrollable repetitive actions, re-experiencing traumatic events, or unexplainable or overwhelming worry.
There are 3 basic stages to anxiety: Alarm, resistance, and exhaustion. They are characterized by the following:
Alarm: Adrenaline rushes the body and the blood sugar goes up in expectation of being expended on an action.
Resistance: The digestive system sends blood to muscles, lungs, and heart. Heart rate increases, breathing rate increases, and oxygenated blood goes quickly through the body. If the person is able to relax or adapt during this stage, things go back to normal.
Exhaustion: Body stores are depleted, yet the body is still being triggered to respond. There is not much capacity left. If this is left in a chronic state, it can lead to depression.
Anxiety is very uncomfortable. Logical thought can be difficult which makes getting out of the cycle difficult. People generally try to get out of the stress response by 鈥渁daptive measures.鈥 These can be positive measures: relaxation techniques, imagery, breathing slowly, meditation, etc. Ineffective measures lead to things such as tension headaches, pain syndromes, and decreased immune systems.
Differences in levels of anxiety:
Mild Anxiety: wide perceptual field, sharpened senses, increased motivation, effective problem-solving, increased learning ability, restlessness, fidgeting. 鈥榖utterflies in stomach,鈥 difficulty sleeping, hypersensitivity to noise.
Think secret agent going in on a mission. A little bit of anxiety is appropriate for the task at hand.
Moderate Anxiety: perceptual field narrowed to immediate task, selective attention, cannot connect thoughts or events independently, in 鈥榓uto-pilot,鈥 muscle tension, diaphoresis, pounding pulse, headache, dry mouth, high pitched voice, faster rate of speech, GI upset, frequent urination
Think someone who just walked away from a car accident.
Severe Anxiety: perceptual field reduced to one detail or scattered details, cannot complete tasks, cannot solve problems or learn effectively, behavior geared toward anxiety relief is usually ineffective, does not respond to redirection, cries, ritualistic behavior (OCD symptoms), severe headache, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, trembling, rigid stance, vertigo, pale, elevated heart rate, chest pain
This is on the verge of hysterics. Think the woman on Airplane.
Panic: perceptual field reduced to focus on self, cannot process any environmental stimuli, distorted perceptions, loss of rational thought, doesn鈥檛 recognize potential danger, cannot communicate verbally, possible delusions and hallucinations, may be suicidal, may bolt and run, or totally immobile and mute, dilated pupils, increased blood pressure and pulse, flight, fight, or freeze
Thank God, this stage doesn鈥檛 last very long.
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽If a person reaches panic levels, they are in danger. Those around them who are part of the 鈥榮upport group鈥欌攆amily, friends, health care providers鈥攑rimary focus should be on maintaining safety as they may harm themselves. Going to a small, quiet, and non-stimulating environment may help. Panic levels can last from 5-30 minutes. Talking to the person in a quiet, rational, reassuring voice is key.
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽But we鈥檙e talking about fictional characters, so ethics be damned! Wanna ramp up the tension? Have your character be in a state of panic and the person with them does everything WRONG. Conflict is key to your stories. Nothing is more interesting than watching someone do it the WRONG way!
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽Anxiety can be used a plot device and character arc as well. The more terrified of X the greater the sense of accomplishment when the goal is reached. In a previous post, I talked about Batman and how he harnessed his fear of bats to become a creature to be feared. So what causes anxiety in your characters? Is it a traumatic childhood that they need to face? Were they victimized in some way? How can they rise above their fears, defeat the underworld, rescue the princess, or save the kingdom? This is a story arc, or at minimum a character arc.
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽This has been a broad overview of what anxiety is. Next post will be about individual disorders related to anxiety.
Psychiatric-Mental Health Nursing, by Sheila L. Videbeck, fifth ed., Wolters Kluwer/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2011.
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leicheesprime19 days ago
an endless loop of your suffering.
A never-ending and painful cycle consisting of anxiety, pain, grief and sorrow that would make you to begin questioning your entire existence as a whole.
You feel so numb to such an extent that you can鈥檛 even move; therefore, you are basically paralyzed by your heavy, overflowing and dreadful yet negative emotions. You do not even know how or where to start to reach out for help or guidance although you have a supportive family and friends because it is so difficult to explain to people what and why you are feeling what you are experiencing. You struggle getting out of bed in which it is a struggle and a half due to the fact that you have to face yet another dreadful day. Waking up to another exhausting day, to another day filled with pain and misery, every single day starts to become a routine due to the repetition of the things you do. You randomly start bursting into tears because of how painful facing reality is to an extent that you even start developing unhealthy habits or unhealthy coping mechanisms of consuming pills with the intention of feeling even more numb or so that you could sleep so you can escape your life just so you can ease your emotional pain. Your life has literally become your own personal hell. You also find yourself staring into space whereby you think of how unbearable life is and how your anxious, depressive, dark, twisted and deep thoughts have fully taken over not only your mind, but your body and soul.
Your heart racing every single second due to the chronic anxiety to a point whereby you are woken up by an increased heart rate. The pain of living every minute with a mental health disorder is profoundly indescribable. Because, what hurts the most is that you don鈥檛 even know how to express what you are feeling. Suicidal and anxious thoughts then creep into your mind and whisper to you 鈥淲e are here to stay鈥. The thing about anxiety is that you constantly live your life off the edge in which you are always worrying about anything that could happen next. You are also easily triggered by the smallest yet inconvenient things that occur on a daily basis. Darkness has taken over your body, mind and soul; it follows you wherever you go with its heavy burden on your bruised and weak shoulders whereby you respond 鈥淚 am doing good鈥 with a forced smile when asked how you are doing. You constantly fight your mental illness day in and day out which leads to you being weak eventually causing you to throw in the towel 鈥 It winning over you. You would then see no point in doing things anymore and you would often find yourself asking: 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the point in anything?鈥 to such an extent that you are unable to seek pleasure or interest in several things. You are also exhausted from fighting with your mind since it is occupied with depressive, dark thoughts that have taken over you. Every anxiety attack feels like you are dying whereby you find yourself suddenly crying because of the lack of air entering your lungs, the dizziness, the racing heart beat and the pitch black. Next thing you are on the floor only to remember that you had fainted.
Having mental breakdowns on a regular basis that would lead you to make use of breathing exercises in order to stay calm. Furthermore, you also experience mood swings too whereby people would not understand what you are going through rather they assume the worst of you including you being rude or that you seek attention by behaving in this manner. You then isolate yourself when you are going through all this pain, you also push away those who are willing to stay by your side no matter what.
You feel like a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode.
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frogdrip23 days ago
TW; mention of self harm, suicidal thoughts, ED, etc.聽
guys honestly. im telling u. if ur a luvable lil weirdo (like me) who luvs ppl but struggles long term in intimate relationships from past trauma, chronic illness, mental illness, burn out, or any other reason that would make you feel personally out-casted to some degree by the general public, therapy animals are ANGELS
like my puppy gives me this sense of peace and understanding that is so unique and of its own. obviously i still love being around ppl, but WHENEVER i cry my puppy is there. he takes me out of the moment, he doesnt trigger me further with personal questions, judgemental looks, or even need me to explain why im behaving erratically. he just comes and sits on my lap and snuggles me. then when im done crying, my mood is so lifted!!! my panic attacks are less, my days have more purpose, enrichment, and light recently. i no longer st*rve myself for days on end from either depression or as a punishment, and my self h*rm has dramatically decreased. My days have shifted from wanting to end my life to slowly and gradually becoming a new base line of聽鈥済ood鈥 these past few weeks.聽
i will always luv ppl, but i will also always feel directly misunderstood by them, especially in times that i am triggered. my therapy animals have made me go from feeling ashamed and isolated by my behavior swings, to allowing myself to grow and have more good times together that i (ME) truly enjoy, instead of just going with the flow for the sake of socialization and having no fun in the end. in sum i love my puppy, and my kitty beyond words and for the first time in a long time im COUNTING MY BLESSINGS BITCHES!!!!! ;~)聽
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traumatheray25 days ago
How Therapy for Childhood Trauma Can Help
Medically reviewed by Jacquelyn Johnson, PsyD. 鈥 Written by Sara Lindberg on March 4, 2021
By age 16, more than two-thirds of children report experiencing at least one traumatic event, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
Fortunately, the right therapy can help children, adolescents, teens, and adults find ways to heal and cope with the effects of traumatic experiences like abuse, community violence, natural disasters, neglect, and sudden loss of a loved one.
Here, we discuss childhood trauma, the different types, how it may affect you, signs to be aware of, and treatment options for children and adults.
What is childhood trauma?
A traumatic event poses a threat to a child鈥檚 life or physical safety. This includes events that are frightening, dangerous, or violent.
For some kids, there may be no time for healing between traumatic events 鈥 their life is in an almost constant state of chronic stress and trauma.
Examples of childhood trauma include:
physical abuse
sexual abuse
psychological and emotional abuse
natural disasters like hurricanes, earthquakes, or fires
serious accidents or life threatening illness
violent loss of a loved one
sexual exploitation
refugee and war experiences
community and school violence
witnessing or experiencing family or partner violence
military stressors like loss, injury, or parental deployment
How childhood trauma may affect you
Childhood trauma affects each person differently. However, there are some common signs and symptoms to watch out for in both kids and adults.
In preschool and elementary-age children:
separation anxiety
becoming anxious and fearful
difficulty sleeping and increase in nightmares
crying or acting out
decrease in appetite
increased aggression and anger
Teens can experience all of the signs mentioned above, plus the following:
withdrawal from social activities
academic problems
self-blame for the event (guilt and shame)
feeling depressed
difficulty concentrating
eating disorders and other self-harm behaviors
increase in behaviors like sexual activity and alcohol or drug use
In adults, unresolved childhood trauma can take on many forms. For example, female adults who experience sexual abuse as a child or teen often show signs of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), distorted self-perception, shame, fear, guilt, self-blame, humiliation, and chronic physical pain, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
Adults dealing with PTSD from childhood trauma can struggle in their jobs, interpersonal relationships, and with their own mental health.
Here are some emotional, physical, and behavioral signs to be aware of:
panic attacks
poor concentration
problems with sleep
chronic health conditions
chronic stress and inflammation
eating disorders
suicidal ideation
What treatment is available to help recover from childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma can cause adverse effects both immediately and in the future. But the good news is that treatment can help you identify triggers, develop coping strategies, and decrease the symptoms, all in a safe and supportive environment.
Here are some of the common treatment modalities for adolescents, teens, and adults.
Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)
Cognitive processing therapy (CPT) is a subtype of cognitive behavioral therapy. CPT is often a first choice when treating PTSD, especially when addressing the long-term effects of childhood traumas in adults.
For PTSD, the American Psychiatric Association recommends treatment over 12 sessions. This typically involves education regarding PTSD thoughts and emotions followed by formal processing of the trauma and skill development to identify and address unhelpful thinking related to traumatic events.
Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT)
Similar to CPT, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy is a subtype of cognitive behavioral therapy.
This evidence-based modelTrusted Source incorporates trauma-sensitive interventions with cognitive behavioral techniques, humanistic principles, and family support that relies on the participation of trusted parents and caregivers in the treatment process.
TF-CBT is effective for children, teens, and adolescents who have significant emotional difficulties from a traumatic event. The typical duration is 12 to 15 sessions.
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing is another therapy for treating trauma and PTSD. EMDR uses repetitive eye movements to re-pattern memories from a trauma.
There are eight phases of EMDR including history, preparation, assessment, treatment, and evaluation. ResearchTrusted Source shows that EMDR is an empirically validated treatment to address unprocessed memories related to adverse life experiences and trauma.
Narrative exposure therapy (NET)
Narrative exposure therapy is an alternative to TF-CBT for people, including children, with PTSD. NET is a short-term individual intervention that focuses on embedding trauma exposure into an autobiographical context known as a timeline.
This timeline remains with the patient after therapy is over. NET is most effective in treating people with multiple traumatic events.
Prolonged exposure therapy (PE)
Prolonged exposure therapy is a subtype of cognitive behavioral therapy used to treat PTSD and other mental health conditions. PE often takes place over 3 months.
During the sessions, the therapist helps individuals confront trauma-related memories, fears, feelings, and situations. The therapeutic relationship needs to be stable before exposure begins in the office and outside of therapy.
Treatment for children will look different than treatment for adolescents, teens, and adults. Because of this, kids need specialized therapy designed to accommodate their developmental levels and ability to participate in the process.
Play therapy
Play therapy uses the therapeutic power of play to help children work through trauma. The target group for play therapy is children ages 3 to 12.
During a play therapy session, the therapist can observe a child through play. They can also use this age-appropriate behavior to address trauma and develop coping strategies.
Art therapy
Art therapy uses creative expression to address and heal the effects of traumatic events. Art mediums include drawing, coloring, painting, collage, and sculpture.
The American Art Therapy Association says art therapy provides an outlet without words. It can help improve cognition, foster self-esteem and self-awareness, reduce conflicts and stress, and cultivate emotional resilience.
What other mental health conditions may be related to childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma can have consequences well into adulthood. One 2019 study found that adults in psychiatric outpatient programs experienced a higher rate of traumatic events as kids compared to adults not in treatment.
Another 2019 studyTrusted Source looked at data from 1,420 participants and found that those with childhood trauma experienced adverse outcomes in adulthood including mental illness, addiction, and health problems.
The participants were interviewed annually as children and then four more times during adulthood (at ages 19, 21, 25, and 30) over 22 years.
Of the 1,420 participants, 30.9 percent said they experienced one traumatic childhood event, 22.5 percent experienced two traumatic events, and 14.8 percent experienced three or more.
The effects of trauma at a young age can result in mental health conditions including:
anxiety disorders
major depressive disorder
eating disorders
substance and alcohol use disorders
Experiencing sexual abuse as a child can also increase suicide ideation in adults, according to results from a 2017 surveyTrusted Source.
Can you prevent or lessen the effects of childhood trauma?
Preventing or lessening the consequences of childhood trauma is possible.
If your child is dealing with the effects of trauma, the first step is showing support. You鈥檒l want to find a mental health professional qualified to treat the trauma your child is dealing with and get them into therapy as soon as possible.
Family therapy is also recommended. Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy is one form that includes the family in the process.
These sessions can help parents or caregivers learn how to support and encourage their children at home. It also teaches parents how to avoid blame, learn how to listen, and watch for worsening symptoms.
Finding help for childhood trauma
Mental health professionals like psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists can help with childhood trauma. Some therapists specialize in treating children, so ask before scheduling an appointment. If you鈥檙e interested in a specific type of therapy, like play therapy, look for a therapist with that credential. Some resources to find help include:
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
Art Therapy Credentials Board
Association for Play Therapy
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
The Trevor Project (crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQIA+ youth): Call 866-488-7386 or Text START to 678-678.
Therapy for Black Girls
What鈥檚 the outlook for people who鈥檝e experienced childhood trauma?
Long-term effects of childhood trauma can increase the risk of mental health conditions like PTSD and depression, chronic illness, or substance use disorders.
However, with the right therapy, the outlook for people who鈥檝e experienced childhood trauma is positive.
Depending on the type of trauma and how long it occurred, treatment may take a while, especially if you鈥檙e addressing these issues as an adult.
The bottom line
Therapy for childhood trauma can help lessen the impact of abuse, neglect, witnessing violence, natural disasters, and serious accidents or life threatening illnesses.
Addressing these issues during childhood or adolescence can reduce the risk of developing mental health issues like anxiety and depression or chronic conditions. However, seeking treatment as an adult is also beneficial, helping you identify trauma and deal with its effects.
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sunnyskousen27 days ago
A Complete Guide to the Symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorders)
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a mental health problem that may develop in people who experienced or witnessed a life-threatening event.
These events can include natural disasters, the death of a close one, a car accident, physical violence, sexual abuse, or war.
Researchers are finding that the COVID-19 pandemic has led to increased cases of PTSD.
While COVID-19 has already led to diverse mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and other trauma- and stress-related disorders, many health experts worldwide are seeing people who meet the qualifying criteria for PTSD as a result of the pandemic.
According to Psychiatric Times, instances of PTSD are occurring in those who suffered from severe COVID-19 illnesses, were hospitalized, witnessed suffering and death, experienced the death of a loved one, or experienced extreme exposure to COVID-19 details (such as first responders, medical examiners, hospital personnel and journalists).
Emotion of anxiety, stress, depression, and uncontrollable thinking are normal after a traumatic event. You may be unable to go about your normal daily activities, have trouble eating or sleeping, or be unable to spend time with family and friends.
However, if these feelings persist for more than a few months, a professional can provide a diagnosis and treatment plan.
The help of a PTSD therapist or a support group can assist you with improving your symptoms, learning coping skills and restoring your overall mental health.
Developing PTSD is also a normal response to a traumatic event and no one should be ashamed to seek professional help. PTSD can happen to anyone.
About 60% of women and 50% of men in the United States experience at least one trauma in their lives. About 8% of the U.S. natives will have PTSD at some point in their lives, as per the National Center for PTSD.
Keep reading to know the symptoms of PTSD.
Symptoms of PTSD
The symptoms of PTSD start soon after the traumatic event, but sometimes it takes months or years to appear. The symptoms usually interfere with social and work life, and can later give rise to chronic health illnesses.
The four main symptoms of PTSD are
Intrusion means experiencing involuntary memories, flashbacks and nightmares of the traumatic event. These intrusive thoughts are so realistic that you may feel that you are reliving the horrific event. The series of upsetting dreams and remembrance of unwanted memories is emotionally distressing. A PTSD therapist can help to control the intrusion and frightening thoughts.
People with PTSD may maintain distance from people, places and objects that remind them of distressing memories. This exacerbates feelings of detachment and drives the sufferer away from the support of family and friends. Moreover, the isolation may cause them to lose interest in doing fun activities and routine tasks.
Mood Swings and Negative Thinking
Sometimes, PTSD may manifest in a sudden mood change unrelated to the traumatic event. Negative thoughts such as suicide, guilt, and shame, hopelessness, or numbness may pervade or creep into your thinking.
Hyper arousal and Behavior Changes
This symptom occurs when a person suddenly kicks into high alert even though danger may not be present. It may lead to sleeping problems, difficulties concentrating, irritability, angry outbursts, panic and self-destructive behavior.
The Bottom Line
According to, PTSD is 鈥渁 mental disorder that usually lasts for life However, appropriate treatment, keeping sound and having a solid emotionally supportive network鈥 can assist individuals with adapting and leading a 鈥渇ull and cheerful life.鈥
Having the right support, practicing self-care, and avoiding drugs and alcohol can alleviate the symptoms.
Author Bio: For the past 10 years, Sunny Skousen has been writing about individuals, couples, and family therapists who help to regain happiness, strengthen partnership, and minimize family conflicts. She curates creative and unique content to educate audiences.
Originally Published At:聽
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adriftallmylife27 days ago
OK so no one has to read this. I just really need to get it out some how because I don鈥檛 have a therapist...but I probably should.
There aren鈥檛 words for how fucking stressed out I am right now.聽
I鈥檝e been in a lot of pain lately and having a lot of issues with A LOT of things.
I had a root canal a few weeks ago and I鈥檓 still having pain. As well as having pain on a few other sides of my mouth. I still need a crown and another root canal and I鈥檝e somehow already almost maxed my insurance for the year. And I鈥檓 just really struggling financially. Like I can never get a head of anything and it鈥檚 stressing me the fuck out.
I鈥檓 also having a lot of pain in my hip and I need to go have that checked out.聽
I鈥檓 just so tired of having to deal with pain because I don鈥檛 have the money to do anything about it.
Plus, I鈥檓 trying to save for a house next year and now that鈥檚 looking like it probably won鈥檛 happen because the majority of the savings I have has come from the 3 stimulus checks I鈥檝e gotten and I just feel like I鈥檓 fucking drowning. Like all the fucking time. I鈥檓 exhausted.
My moods have been really erratic lately. I鈥檓 either really fucking angry or easily agitated. Or I鈥檓 like super weirdly happy. And it鈥檚 like I either have those two moods or I feel absolutely nothing.
I have zero friends. And I鈥檓 not saying that dramatically. I legit have no friends. The only people I talk to are my coworkers when we are at work. My coworkers constantly make plans with each other and leave me out of things. So that鈥檚 fun. And the two online friends I have had I don鈥檛 really talk to anymore. And it鈥檚 not that they鈥檝e done anything wrong it鈥檚 legit because trying to have a conversation and trying to connect with anyone is so fucking exhausting I can鈥檛 even hold myself up.
So like shout out to the anon or anons who have been messaging me lately because with out the slightest hint of irony you have legit been keeping me alive. I used to be very severely depressed that I considered suicide and those thoughts and urges have been coming back lately and seeing messages and me getting excited over something even as silly as a TV show really helps. So thank you for that.
I know the smart thing to do would be to go and talk to a doctor and probably get some medication or something for anxiety/depression but trying to talk about myself even to a health care professional is so difficult because of how I was raised. I was never allowed to have feelings. I was always wrong to feel the things I was feeling. Or there was nothing wrong with me. I needed to聽鈥渞ub some dirt鈥 in it and I鈥檇 be fine. I never had a childhood. Not really. I was an 8 year old kid taking care of two chronically ill parents all by myself because my older siblings couldn鈥檛 give a fucking damn to help out.聽
And it鈥檚 just so terribly exhausting going through your life and having dreams and a feeling in your bones that you are meant for good things and just NOT being able to simply open your eyes some days.聽
I鈥檓 legit so fucking tired.
Anyways, here鈥檚 to Maladaptive day dreaming for getting me through life!
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I've not watched the last episode of dancing with the devil. I don't think I really want to watch an artist I like tear into another artist I like especially since she's a woman who's much younger than him.
But it did get me thinking about some things:
The 12 step-ifcation of mental health services in the US is a not a good thing and it actually does a lot of harm to people with mental health issues that are not substance abuse...
It's the kind of thing that casually indoctrinates the idea that using any sort of chemical to help manage your moods is addiction.
Despite the fact that getting on my meds that I'm currently on, is what's allowed me to get my life back, it's allowed me to work hard enough to get a raise at work. I'm starting to pretty much kill it in my personal life despite having constant mental health issues.
Despite all that I've gotten a lot of blowback from friends of mine when they have found out. I can't count on both hands the amount of people who have sent me basic 12-step guidelines and saying that they were going to help me beat my mental health issues.
If the 12 step works for people with drugs , that's good for them but there's a big difference between that and what they use to treat severe mental health issues that are not substance abuse.
I'm not saying I'm perfect or I'm healed completely but I really hate the whole indoctrination that medication is always bad and that it's just a moral failing.
Having major depressive disorder, anxiety and ADHD is not a moral failing.
It's a fucking chemical imbalance.
No amount of admitting I'm powerless or trying to make amends with the people I've hurt due to my mental health is going to cure the chemical imbalance in my brain.
And while a lot of other things that I have taken up such as meditation and trying to move more has helped me achieve a slightly better mental state, a huge part was getting on the right meds.
And I'm not against reaching out to people that you have hurt when your mental health wasn't great. I'm making that process of apologizing and reaching out to people and rebuilding bridges right now. Building a support system is important, but there are lots of ways to build a support system.
Also I've done a lot of intensive therapy and that's helped me a fair bit to work on coping mechanisms for when I'm not having a good mental health day. Because there are times when I'm still struggling a fair bit, there are times where I still have intrusive thoughts about hurting myself.
But I'm doing a bit better now.
The sort of mental health struggles I've had started when I was in middle school. The fact that I also have two siblings who both have been diagnosed with anxiety, and my father has depression, And i don't know what's wrong with my mother but she has wild mood swings and never seems to learn from the things we tell her.
So it's probably genetic.
And before all the rabid 12 steppers come attacking me
please note I am talking about people with severe mental health issues that DO NOT have substance abuse issues.
There is no shame in taking medication if you need it for your mental health issues. I think of it the same way I would think of someone like Hank Green taking medication for his ulcerative colitis. (I know John has OCD but we're going for physical illness here). You wouldn't shame them for taking meds.
In my case it is a long-standing chronic health condition, that without managing it I will die. I'm no longer actively* suicidal all the time, I don't have thoughts of killing myself anymore. But if I didn't get proper help I probably would have killed myself.
I'm not saying everyone has to take the route I have taken to mental health.
I am saying that there are many ways to mental health if you have issues that are not substance abuse. And that whatever route you take that gets you to the point where you can heal and you can live a functional life?
That's a good route.
If going to group therapy to talk about your trauma with other people helps? Do it .
If having a treatment team that consists of your therapist, a psychiatric nurse, and your GP: And you're taking a small dose of medication helps? Do it.
If doing rapid eye movement desensitization is what's going to help you? Go for it.
Maybe cognitive behavioral therapy is what's going to work? Good on you.
There is a whole big world of varying treatments you can try for your mental health issues that are provided for you by people with actual degrees and actual qualifications.
And it may take a while to find what's going to help you feel better but it's worth it in the end.
That's my two cents ,I'm willing to discuss this more If people want to as long as they are civil.
*I still have plenty of suicidal thoughts I just don't really have the urge to act upon them as much anymore.
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growth-hurtsa month ago
Self-care, Mental Illness and My Job
Self-care or at least the true meaning of self-care has alluded me for most of my life. I used to think of self-care as buying something you shouldn鈥檛 or a binge on food/drink that I didn鈥檛 need but wanted in that moment. Basically doing something that was not going to be good in the long run but gave me momentary joy.聽
I鈥檝e began to understand what the true meaning of self-care is to me (obviously everyone will have a different definition). Self-care for me has turned into taking care of myself daily to set myself up for success. Mostly self-care looks like not eating dairy, sleeping for 8 hours a night, drinking enough water, reaching out to loved ones, therapy, and more. This makes up a majority of how I take care of myself, but there are days every so often where my mental illness takes over and this holistic mindfulness escapes me.聽
I鈥檝e struggled with my mental health since I can remember and by that I mean.. like early grade school which is really shocking to look back and see once you are more educated about how mental illness manifests in children, but I digress. Since I鈥檝e started formally being seen for my mental illness I have had a variety of diagnosis but I鈥檓 currently working with a psychiatrist that I trust who has diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. This may seem like a lot of diagnosis, but honestly they all kind of blend together into one big... mess? Wish I was kidding. Anxiety has always been a huge part of my life but in college it started getting worse. My depression and suicidal ideation really started to set in when I arrived at college and got really bad the summer between my freshman and sophomore year.
My Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis was given about two years ago and that鈥檚 when my life really started to change. There will be a multitude of posts about this in the future I鈥檓 sure, but I am really thankful for my psychiatrist and his help turning around.聽 When I found out, I told my professors and my boss because I thought it was important for people who I report to to know that while I will work my ass off, I do have a chronic mental illness that sometimes overwhelms my ability to function regularly.聽 This is the first time my mental illness has taken over in a while but it鈥檚 been a doozy. I was paralyzed with anxiety last weekend and thought it was a one-off but thought about staying home Monday. I pushed myself to go to work convinced I was going to be fine. When Thursday rolled around, I started to become anything but. Today is Friday and I have done nothing but sleep, eat some frozen food, and get up to pee. I have spent the whole day being down on myself thinking I was a piece of trash because, 鈥淚 can鈥檛 get my shit together. I will never be able to work in the real world if I can鈥檛 improve my overall health. My success is always so short lived.鈥澛
I felt bad all day because I thought I wasn鈥檛 actively participating in self-care I was running away from bad feelings and yes, that is not the way to deal with things, but I have been growing so much and the growing pains I鈥檓 experiencing right now are just going to lead to bigger and brighter things. It is OKAY that I took today to do nothing because I really really needed to.聽
I will feel like myself again soon.聽
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157-beesa month ago
welcome to: the bee and @dipshxtvea quotebook
(sorry vea made me do this)
鈥渋 would DECK bbh in the most LOVING way鈥 -vea
鈥渢his just in: vea does not need blood plasma鈥 -bee
鈥渋s that person being horny for the bird?鈥 -bee
鈥渓ove the fact that you鈥檙e just pronoun soup鈥 -vea
鈥渘ew trauma pog?鈥 -bee
鈥渨inning a round of among us is pog, trauma isnt鈥 -vea
鈥渋鈥檓 a platonic whore鈥 -vea
鈥渃atboy dream鈥 -vea
鈥測es, queen, slit his throat鈥 -vea
鈥渟tfu, catboy鈥 -vea
鈥渓et me get more clout than we can get married鈥 -bee
鈥渏ust killed an orphan, feeling good鈥 -bee
鈥渁nyways, time to write mcytblr x mcyttwt fanfic鈥 -bee
鈥渋 got rickrolled out of heaven鈥 -bee
鈥渉ey, girl, i have a chekhov鈥檚 gun鈥 -vea
鈥渃ha cha slide into the psych ward鈥 -bee
鈥渋 don鈥檛 speak taco bell鈥 -vea
鈥渙h, wait, was that a traumatic experience????鈥 -bee
鈥渟orry, liberals, everyone that has drank water has died鈥 -bee
鈥渃ommunism is when share ao3 account鈥 -bee
鈥渢his just in: bee is an anti vaxxer鈥 -vea
鈥渨hat even is blood pressure鈥 -vea
鈥渢he reason i have weird dreams is because i don鈥檛 have blood pressure or plasma鈥 -vea
鈥済o talk to your boyfriend about it, piss boy鈥 -bee
鈥渋t is聽 a p p l e
look shiny鈥 -bee
鈥済ogy is a bottom and it鈥檚 canon鈥 -vea
鈥渟ome fuckin bottom snuck into apple鈥 -vea
鈥渟chrodinger's trans鈥 -bee
鈥渨ho cares about top and bottom, which one of you is blathers鈥 -vea
鈥渄id i just get kin assigned blathers鈥 -vea
鈥渧ea stop stealing eyeliner challenge鈥 -bee
鈥渋f i was a video game character what loot would i drop鈥 鈥渁ntidepressants and some lint鈥 -bee is the first one vea is second <3
鈥渋 just started therapy with 鈥榮orry my hair is a mess i just got out of cosplay鈥欌 -vea
鈥渘o matter what hyperfixation i turn to there鈥檚 always traumatized children鈥 -vea
鈥渧ea stop eating lip balm challenge鈥 -bee
鈥渋 really like how poorly you cropped the diamond sword鈥 -bee
鈥渟top murdering people, just go play zelda鈥 -bee
鈥渋 just realized that moonshine is a type of alcohol and NOT a cute nickname鈥 -vea聽
鈥渋 never knew i would be assigned catboy because of my name鈥 -bee聽
鈥渋鈥檓 a bigot in a tiktok comment section and god is a she/they with a septum piercing and two pink strands of hair鈥 -vea
鈥渋 personally believe the term 鈥渋鈥檓 doing hot girl shit鈥 is gender neutral鈥 -vea
鈥渋鈥檓 one mental breakdown away from cosplaying a fish that a depressed ghost fucked鈥 -vea
鈥測ou鈥檙e a catboy and i鈥檓 an scp kinnie鈥 -vea聽
鈥渃all me olive oil, cause i鈥檓 an extra virgin鈥 -vea
鈥渁nd we have philza 鈥渇ridge fucker鈥 minecraft鈥 -bee
鈥渋鈥檓 gonna fire pledge this pussy鈥 -vea
鈥渋magine giving a traumatized teenager suicidal thoughts because he burned down your boyfriends gay little cottage鈥 -bee
鈥測ou either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a catboy鈥 -bee
鈥渨hat if we held hands on google docs鈥 -vea
鈥淚鈥檓 about to incinerate this teacup鈥 -bee
鈥渘ew pronouns just dropped and they're better than yours鈥 -bee
鈥渂adboyhalo, ruler of the facist government鈥 -bee
鈥渋t鈥檚 always the bitches who know how to build pcs鈥 -vea
鈥渋鈥檓 gonna get the covid vaccine so my autism levels up鈥 -vea
鈥渧ea is the antichrist confirmed鈥 -bee
鈥渋f splatoon no make me gamer why have eyestrain after playing鈥 -vea
鈥渉eat waves but dream doesn鈥檛 jack off鈥 -vea
鈥渋mage of percy jackson. top text. gender.鈥 -bee
鈥渄ating is when you tea kettle wheeze together鈥 -vea
鈥渟ave the weeb from the dilf 2021鈥 -vea
鈥減erry the platypus, it seems you have stumbled upon my neopronoun-inator!!!鈥 -bee
鈥渂ee do you think the demon from death note is a lesbian鈥 -vea
鈥減eople who can鈥檛 swallow pills are cowards and should be eradicated鈥 -vea
鈥渙edipus only fulfilled his prophecy because he liked milfs鈥 -vea
鈥渉es doesn鈥檛 want to fuck the brown m&m, thats why hes racist鈥 -vea
鈥渋鈥檓 dream heat waves but better because i鈥檓 actually gay this time鈥 -bee
鈥渙f course all the battle-oriented animes are gay鈥 -bee
鈥渨hite upper middle class people be like: *eats lobster*鈥 -vea
鈥渋 just have chronic yawn disease鈥 -bee
鈥渋 may have been a hamilton fan but i had standards鈥 -vea
鈥渋 don鈥檛 think work song is about being pegged鈥 -bee
鈥渒 cup sounds like a boob size鈥 -bee
鈥測our brain is not a whore鈥 -bee
鈥渋 don鈥檛 want performative activism mom, i want the communist manifesto鈥 -bee
鈥渋m allowed to be a little bit ableist, as a treat鈥 -vea
鈥渕s piggy is secretly a lesbian, she has an onlyfans鈥 -vea
鈥渋 was just trying to sleep and my brain spat out the sentence 鈥榠 factkin the kool-aid man鈥欌 -vea
鈥済ive the onceler a death note鈥-vea
鈥測ou cry on beat to a song enough god sends you straight to heaven it鈥檚 a speedrun tactic鈥 -vea
鈥渂ee do you have gender envy for the lightning mcqueen cosplay鈥 -vea
鈥渓overboy (slur implied)鈥 -vea
鈥測our criminals are gnc as fuck鈥 -bee
鈥渕inecraft steve is jesus鈥 -bee
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conseelgierea month ago
cognitive assessment. bold all that apply to your muse鈥檚 current mental state; italicise any that apply to your muse鈥檚 past mental state 鈥 repost don鈥檛 reblog!
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alcoholism: or alcohol use disorder ( aud ), is a broad term for any drinking of alcohol that results in mental or physical health problems.
amnesia: a deficit in memory caused by brain damage, disease, or psychological trauma.
anxiety: a mental health disorder characterised by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one鈥檚 daily activities.
appetite loss: a reduced desire to eat.
binge eating: a psychological illness characterised by frequently eating excessive amounts of food, often when not hungry.
co-dependence: dysfunctional and maladaptive relationship reliant on another person鈥檚 dependence on the affected individual.
cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self interest ( skepticism ), or to question whether something will happen or whether it is worthwhile ( pessimism ).
defensiveness: the tendency to be sensitive to comments and criticism and to deny them. to constantly protect oneself from criticism, exposure of one鈥檚 shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the go.
depersonalisation: a state in which one鈥檚 thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not belonging to oneself.
depression: a mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.
derealisation: alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal.
devaluation: defense mechanism used when a person attributes themselves, an object, or another person as completely flawed, worthless, or as having exaggerated negative qualities.
displacement: an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind substitutes either a new aim or a new object or goals felt in their original form to be dangerous or unacceptable.
dissociation: is any state of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experiences, such as a disconnect from reality.
drug abuse: the extreme desire to obtain, and use, increasing amounts of one or more substances.
dysphoria: a state of unease, or generalised dissatisfaction with life.
emotional detachment: an inability to connect with others on an emotional level, as well as coping with anxiety by avoiding certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as 鈥 emotional numbing 鈥 or dissociation.
flashbacks: an involuntary recurrent memory, is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual has sudden, usually powerful, re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of said experience.
flat affect: a severe reduction in emotional expressiveness. they may not show the signs of normal emotion, perhaps may speak in a monotonous voice, have diminished facial expressions, and appear extremely apathetic.
guilt: a cognitive or emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realises 鈥 accurately or not 鈥 that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated a universal moral standard and bear significant responsibility for it.
hallucinations: an experience involving the apparent perception of something not present.
hypersomnia: or excessive sleepiness, is a condition in which a person has trouble staying awake during the day.
hypervigilance: an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect activity.
hypochondria: ( also known as illness anxiety disorder ) is a condition in which a person is inordinately worried about having a serious illness.
idealisation: the action of regarding or representing something as perfect or better than reality.
insomnia: a sleep disorder where people have trouble sleeping. they may have difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep as long as desired. insomnia is usually followed by daytime sleepiness, low energy, and a depressed mood.
intellectualisation: a defense mechanism by which reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict and its associated emotional stress 鈥 where thinking is used to avoid feeling. it involves removing one鈥檚 self, emotionally, from a stressful event.
introjection: regarded as the process where the subject replicates in themselves behaviours, attributes, or other fragments of the surrounding world, especially of other subjects. cognate concepts include identification, incorporation, and internalisation.
isolation: a defense mechanism in psychoanalytic theory characterized by individuals defending themselves from possible threats by mentally and physically isolating themselves. by minimizing associative connections with other thoughts, the threatening cognition is remembered less often and is less likely to affect self-esteem or the self concept.
low self esteem: a person with low self esteem feels unworthy, incapable, and incompetent.
narcissism: is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one鈥檚 own attributes. narcissistic personality disorder ( npd ) is a personality disorder in which there is a long term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterised by exaggerated feelings of self importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of other鈥檚 feelings.
night terrors: also known as a sleep terror, is a sleep disorder, causing feelings of terror or dread, and typically occurs during the first hours of stage three to four rapid eye movement ( nrem ) sleep.
obsessive compulsion: obsessive-compulsive disorder ( ocd ) is a common, chronic, and long 鈥 lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts ( obsessions ) and behaviours ( compulsions ) that they feel the urge to repeat over and over.
panic attacks: a sudden overwhelming feeling of acute and debilitating anxiety.
passive aggression: a tendency to engage in indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish a required task.
paranoia: the irrational and persistent feeling that people are 鈥 out to get you. 鈥 the three main types of paranoia include paranoid personality disorder, delusional disorder, and paranoid schizophrenia.
phobias: an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.
projection: psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. it involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.
psychosis: a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.
rationalization: a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable 鈥 or even admirable and superior 鈥 by plausible means.
regression: a psychological defense mechanism in which a person abandons age 鈥 appropriate coping strategies in favor of earlier, more childlike patterns of behavior. this regression is a form of retreat, bringing back a time when the person feels safe and taken care of.
risky sex: risky sexual behavior is commonly defined as behavior that increases the probability of contracting sexually transmitted infections, diseases, becoming pregnant, or making a partner pregnant. drug use is associated with risky sexual behavior.
somatisation: the manifestation of psychological distress by the presentation of bodily symptoms.
splitting: ( also called black 鈥 and 鈥 white thinking or all 鈥 or 鈥 nothing thinking ) is the failure in a person鈥檚 thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole.
sublimation: is a mature type of defence mechanism, in which socially unacceptable impulses or idealizations are unconsciously transformed into socially acceptable actions or behavior, possibly resulting in a long 鈥 term conversion of the initial impulse.
suicidal ideation: ( also known as suicidal thoughts ) is thinking about or an unusual preoccupation with suicide. the range of suicidal ideation varies from fleeting thoughts, to extensive thoughts, to detailed planning, roleplaying, and incomplete attempts.
sleepwalking: formally known as somnambulism, is a behaviour disorder that originates during deep sleep and results in walking or performing other complex behaviours while asleep. it is more common in children than adults and is more likely to occur if a person is sleep deprived.
suppression: the act of stopping oneself from thinking or feeling something. it is generally assumed ineffective because even if you suppress or hold back an emotion, like anger, that feeling returns with a vengeance.
thousand yard stare: a phrase often used to describe the blank, unfocused gaze of soldiers who have become emotionally detached from the horrors around them. it is also sometimes used more generally to describe the look of dissociation among victims of other types of trauma.
triggers: something that sets of a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of their emotional trauma. triggers are very personal ; different things can trigger different people. the survivor may begin to avoid situations and stimuli that they think triggered the flashback.
trust issues: a person with these kinds of thoughts may construct social barriers as a defence mechanism to ensure that trust is not lost again. these barriers are often a person鈥檚 way of avoid the pain, rejection, or guilt associated with mistrust.
violence: the intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, which either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation.
temper: a reflection of irritation or rage, a propensity to be angered rapidly.
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biomedresa month ago
Journals on Regenerative Diseases - BJSTR Journal
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Symptom Severity of Major Depressive Disorder: Associations with Functional Disability, And Prevalence of Co-Morbid Illnesses by Morteza Alibakhshikenari in Biomedical Journal of Scientific & Technical Research Objective: The objective of this study was to investigate the associations of symptom severity of major depressive disorder with functional disability and medical co-morbidities among Singapore residents.聽Methods: Secondary data was analyzed from the Iran Mental Health Study 2010, a cross-sectional epidemiological survey of a nationally representative sample of residents aged 18 years or older. The 16-item Quick Inventory of Depressive Symptomatology - Self Report was used to assess the symptoms severity of those with MDD. Functional disability was assessed with Sheehan Disability Scale. Information on existing medical co-morbidities was also collected.聽Results: Amongst 162 Singapore residents with 12-month MDD, 43.2% had mild to moderate symptoms and 56.8% had severe symptoms. Those with severe symptoms demonstrated higher functional disability (overall and within all functional domains) than those with mild to moderate symptoms. Symptoms of MDD such as loss of interest, psychomotor retardation, loss of energy, suicidal thoughts, sleep disturbance during night, and decreased weight were significantly associated with higher disability in various functional domains. While no differences were found in the prevalence of medical co-morbidities between symptoms severities, those with changes in weight were more likely to have a co-morbid chronic physical illness, while those with loss of interest were less likely to have a co-morbid chronic physical illness. Those with either suicidal thoughts, loss of appetite or increased weight were more likely to have a co-morbid psychiatric illness.聽Conclusion: Our study found that symptom severity is associated with functional disability among Iran residents with MDD, highlighting the importance of managing MDD symptoms to minimize the impact on functioning. Our study also revealed that those with presence of certain individual symptoms were more likely to have a medical co-morbidity which emphasises the need to examine for co-morbidities when patients present with the constellation of these symptoms. Fore more articles on聽Journals on Regenerative Diseases聽please click here bjstr Follow on Twitter : Follow on Blogger : Like Our Pins On :
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