#choi jongho angst

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Cyberpunk

housewifekeeper droid!jongho x programmer!reader

futuristic/apocalyptic droid au

genres and warnings: fluff, angst, established relationship, a bit tragic but no tears i hope :) yunho, woo and san cameos, violence warnings, hostage situation, near-death experiences, etc.

word count: 23.7k

synopsis: when you find jongho assigned to be a droid you need to 'fix', it takes everything in your power to pretend that you don't know him, that he isn't the boyfriend you left behind to keep safe. with no idea where you are and being under constant surveillance while trying to find a way to turn jongho back to human, you manage to run away with him only to learn a shocking and sinister truth that makes you regret ever being part of the eden droid project. you must put an end to your mistakes once and for all, and it may cost you a lot.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (we call it cryberpunk bc it became the bane of our existence)

“You really think I’m incapable of taking care of myself?” you asked, making a face as you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. “I’ve been doing just fine so far, Sir.”

“You’ve lost a lot of weight ever since we woke up, so yes, you definitely haven’t been eating well. You can’t keep surviving on instant noodles,” your supervisor, Mr. Han said. “Besides, this is a good chance to test if the droids we’ve programmed can actually perform household tasks.”

“I did not programme droids to make food for us,” you muttered under your breath but you supposed that was the least of your worries right now. “I’m pretty sure you need a housekeeper more than me. A housewife, perhaps. You must miss your wife.”

Mr. Han only smiled in response and you felt annoyed by that. It was as if an unspoken rule had been passed- that no one could talk about their life before they ‘woke up’. You reckoned everyone was just keeping silent until one of them would complain out loud. It hadn’t been that long since that little episode so you figured no one was that desperate right now. 

“It’s the Team Leader’s orders. Nothing I can do about it. Maybe I’ll get a droid next to drive me around- if they’ll allow it. It would be nice to have a look around this empty town and see if we’re the only ones awake while the rest of the world is asleep.”

“I don’t like this,” you pursed your lips, scratching your wrists. Something about all of this was making you anxious. “Just between you and me, are they really sus-”

Mr. Han shushed you with a finger on his lips, his eyes flickering in the direction of the CCTV in the corner of your office. “They’re testing out your droids, miss. You know what they say- a perfect droid should be as good in battle as it is in the kitchen.”

“Wasn’t that supposed to be a joke?” You muttered, deciding to leave it there. “It feels like a big joke. It’s like my droids are being insulted by being placed in the kitchen.”

“You thank the deities there isn’t a war right now,” Mr. Han almost whispered. “When everyone wakes up… there might be. And if there is a war in the future when every nation will possess their own set of droids, when you have to run for your life and are injured… who do you think will take care of you? Not a human, I’ll bet.”

Those words stuck with you during your ride back home. They kept looming over your head while you took a shower and changed into a comfortable set of light blue pyjamas. With a towel hat, you sauntered into the kitchen to make yourself coffee, looking in the fridge for something to snack on and finding nothing.

Perhaps you really did need a housekeeper. A droid- one that wouldn’t complain and would do as told.

And as the doorbell rang after a few minutes, you took your words back when you opened the door to a familiar face. The anxious feeling in your gut finally settled in resignation.

This was what you had been dreading. 

A million thoughts processed in your head in a matter of seconds- maybe you could give the droids a run for your quick decision-making. Because you needed to make a big decision, right now. 

It had to be some sick, twisted joke that Dr. Jin, Head of the Eden Droid Project, was playing with you. There was no way that this wasn’t intentional. Of all the 7 billion people in this world, they chose the one person you had been wishing would never appear in front of you- at least not until you were done wrapping up what you had begun.

Choi Jongho. Your best friend, the person you loved and had to leave for good.

The one person you had done everything in your power to hide from these people, from everyone. Hell, you didn’t even dare think of him ever since everything went downhill lest someone spy on your own thoughts. 

And now he was here, and worse, a droid. A lab rat. His left pupil flickered blue to confirm that.

“I’m CJ, the droid assigned to take care of your personal needs.”

“CJ,” his codename rolled like a foreign language on your tongue, your voice coming out as almost a whimper but you cleared your throat. “CJ. The housewife, eh?”

The droid appeared confused and you, for the first time, loathed programming the droid’s facial expressions to sync with the human emotions. “I’m not quite sure…”

“The assistant,” you let out a short laugh. “I presume you have your identification files and code?”

Jongho said your team’s code out loud before handing you the files and you quickly looked over them. Assigned by your own team- how fucking convenient. You nodded and handed the files back, peeking behind him- looked like he had his personal belongings. “Please, enter and make yourself at home… I guess?”

“There’s another document you need to look at before I enter,” Jongho said almost mechanically, digging out a letter from the inside pocket of his jacket and your brows rose in surprise when you saw that it was from Dr. Jin himself. Begrudgingly, you unsealed the letter and read the contents, the smile falling from your face when you were done.

“Alright,” you breathed. “I see how it is. You can enter now… CJ-”

You caught Jongho staring at you almost like he was fully human. Fear gripped your heart in that moment and when he only bowed in response, you stifled the sigh of relief. He stepped inside your apartment, looking around. He was probably scanning every nook and cranny for potential threats. When he was satisfied, he turned to you.

“Is there anything you would like me to do?”

“Tonight… nothing,” you nodded slowly as you thought. “I’ll show you your room and you can uh… rest? You should wake up at 7 tomorrow and prepare a light breakfast for the both of us before accompanying me to the office. That should be your first task.”

“Understood,” he said and you showed him the spare room and he assured you he had his basic personal necessities. You went to your room, the coffee long forgotten at the kitchen counter and you shut the door. 

Make no mistakes.

You turned off the lights and went under the blankets, covering your face like you usually did- and that’s when you let out a shaky exhale and let your emotions take the better of you.

There could only be two reasons why Jongho was here as the droid assigned to you. The first one was pure coincidence- maybe he was just one of the other humans randomly selected by your team. Maybe this was all just bad luck. Maybe this was a slap on your face from the force above, since you dared to play god yourself. 

But another possibility… the one that made more sense, was that they knew. They knew Jongho was someone important from your ‘previous’ life. From before you entered Phase I of the Eden Droid Project- . They must have known and were using that to their advantage, but either way…

Either way, Jongho wasn’t sent to assist you and play housewife. That was all bullshit. He had one purpose, and that was to have you under surveillance. That probably meant that the New Government was aware that you weren’t as loyal as you appeared to be. Perhaps, this was a test of your loyalty, and they were going to confirm it with the task that was detailed in that letter.

Fix CJ.

Two words, yet you understood the message. You were to live with the droid for a certain period of time and fix the only glitch your droids had- that they were too human. All the while, you would definitely be under surveillance by him. Perhaps, the Team Leader thought that giving you the space you needed with your own personal test subject was what you needed to finish debugging the droid. Perhaps, they knew you had been delaying fixing the droids on purpose. Whatever it was, you had no choice now. 

You would have to fix Jongho or else you would be exterminated along with him.

—---------------------

It was almost unsettling waking up to the smell of eggs, butter and bread. For the few seconds that you lay in the bed, you almost thought you were back in your parent’s home and your mom’s voice would call you for breakfast or your sister Cookie would tickle you until you yell at her, but the bed was too soft and the blanket did not smell like the sun. The alarm rang only a few seconds later and on cue, two solid knocks sounded at the door.

“Miss Jeon? Breakfast is ready.”

God, you thought. This was going to be difficult.

You said you’d be out in 10 minutes and forced yourself to walk to the bathroom like every other day. Somehow, your steps felt heavier than the first day you woke up here. The feelings of disorientation and panic then were nothing compared to the anxiety that dissolved in your bones the moment you heard Jongho’s voice.

Whatever you did, you could not slip. You would have to keep on pretending that Jongho was just a stranger, a droid to you. Just a bug that needed fixing, you told yourself as you exited the room and walked towards the kitchen-

“I told you, the pan needs to be tapped in the middle of baking so the top of the brownies crinkle!” Jongho said as he took out the said pan, now with fully baked fudge brownies with a perfect crinkly top and you gasped at how good it looked. “Would you believe me if I say this really is my first try?”

“Looks too good to be a first try,” you admitted. “I’ll give my verdict after I taste these. Who knows? Might find an eggshell in there.”

“Hey, what do you take me for?!” Jongho looked offended and you grinned. He shook his head as he cut a piece for you and put it on your plate. You spotted a faint smile on his face and you dug your fork in the brownie, about to take that bite when he tsk-ed and held your wrist.

“You’ll burn your mouth,” he took the fork from your hand and you pouted. You watched him wait a few seconds, blow on that little bite before feeding it to you himself. Your eyes went wide as soon as you realised how rich the brownies tasted.

“Oh, my god,” you breathed. “Jongho. You’ve just won my entire heart all over again.”

Jongho burst into laughter, looking down and you leaned across the counter to cup his face and make him look at you. “You look at me when you laugh like that, okay?”

“Stop it,” he wriggled away from you, a flustered mess. “Let me taste them.”

“Here,” you took your fork and blew on the new bite before handing it to him. He nodded in satisfaction. “Normally, I wouldn’t contribute to anything that would give you an ego-boost, but this one deserves it. Cookie won’t believe it when she hears about this.”

Jongho smiled once again, continuing to cut the rest of the brownies for later. “What did you mean when you said… that I won your heart again?”

You stifled your smile. “You want to hear it?”

Jongho looked expectantly at you in response. You scanned his figure- his hair messily swept back, flour on his cheeks, rolled sleeves baring his strong arms, and to top it all, your apron on him. Your smile grew wider.

“I fell in love with you all over again.”

“Miss Jeon?” Jongho called, frowning at the way you stood in the middle of the living room, your eyes stuck on the apron that wasn’t yours on the person who wasn’t yours. He wasn’t even the same person anymore.

“Sorry,” you gulped, shaking your head. “Needed a moment to process uh… what I’m seeing right now.”

Jongho didn’t respond and that finally made you move and sit at the table where he set down a mug of coffee. He would have retorted if things were normal and you smiled sadly to yourself at the thought. You heard the clink of the mug and when you saw Jongho pick up his own tray of breakfast and move, you cleared your throat.

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“To eat my breakfast and give you privacy while you eat yours?”

This was the time to make things clear- better yet if you were being watched. You put one leg over the other before you said, “Look, I assume you know what you’re here for, CJ. Who are you?”

“A droid that needs a little fixing.”

“And how would I figure out what needs to be fixed if I don’t watch your every move?” You cocked your head. “Does that make you feel unsettled?”

“I do not feel, for I am a droid,” Jongho responded mechanically and you shook your head, urging him to join you. You detected reluctance in his movements and your heart sank a little.

“That’s the thing with you droids,” you almost whispered as if letting him in on a secret. “You forget that you are humans programmed to be droids. Until you possess human nature, you cannot be fixed… that’s what I believe. The superiors think otherwise. What do you think… droid?”

“I…” Jongho frowned again. “I’m just following orders.”

“I know,” you told him and he relaxed a bit. “We’ll need to interact and talk more for me to figure out what exactly needs to be fixed, okay?”

“Okay,” he said. You took a bite of the bread and he mirrored your actions. You ate the rest of your breakfast in silence, finishing together. 

“I will examine your code when we go to the office,” you told Jongho. “You will need to guide me a little. I may have created the blueprint for you droids but I haven’t programmed every single one of you.”

“You can access my code only at the office, by the way,” Jongho said and you set your cup down, almost clenching your jaw as you looked at him. “I’ve been programmed to reveal my code files only in the office.”

“Have you now?” You scoffed internally. “Well, I’ve been programmed to be a lazy bum who works best in the comfort of her home and I’m human, so let’s see how we deal with this… predicament.”

Jongho almost looked curiously at you. You checked the time and told him to meet you outside in 10 minutes. Just before he took your car keys from you and opened the door, you sighed.

“Do you know how to make brownies, CJ?”

—--------------------------

“Don’t you think it’s ironic?” You said, sparing a glance at your supervisor who was examining the code on the shared screen right across from you. “We’re trying to find an error in a human. Being human is the error. How do we override the nature of who the droid really is- completely and irrevocably?”

Mr. Han had heard that quite a lot, and not just from you. Every programmer and developer in this project had asked him this question at least once, and he often found himself wondering the same too. “I’m highlighting this line of code, see what you can do about it.”

You looked back at your screen and clicked your tongue. “Not this one. That’s Dr. Seo.”

“Oh, then I won’t tweak it,” he said, scrolling further. You glanced at Jongho who lay on his front on a stretcher with a cord attached to his back to access the chip and its data inside. He was unconscious which you thought was convenient but every time he came back to consciousness, you were afraid he was going to recognise you, make a mistake and destroy everything you had worked for so far.

How could you tell Jongho to pretend he didn’t know you without telling him?

“You look spent. Shall we call it a day?” Mr. Han caught you staring at the droid’s body.

“Please, yes,” you stretched dramatically, producing cracks and he chuckled at that. “The amount of times I have zoned out today… I think I need a chip inside me that would override my mental stamina at least.”

“Says you,” Mr. Han scoffed. “The child prodigy. The kid that built the foundation of this project.”

Oh, how you regretted that. “Please, you flatter me way too much. I was only one coder with a few hundred others.”

“But you were the youngest and your work is our blueprint. I have every right to flatter you,” he said, his conclusion leaving a sour taste in your mouth. “Dinner at the cafeteria?”

“Why would I? I have my own personal chef now,” you grinned.

“I thought you were against droids doing housework or something.”

“Yeah, well,” you finished shutting down the programme and unplugged Jongho. “This one is quite good at it.”

Jongho was, and it was making you realise a few things- muscle memory. Something you nor any coder so far had considered to be a factor worthy of attention. You noticed that when he made the brownies for you a few days ago and exactly at half-time, he opened the oven to tap the pan against the counter once. 

It took everything in your power to not react to that. To not let your emotions take the better of you and maintain your composure. However, you did ask him if he had accessed some recipes recently before making the brownies and when he denied, you knew then. You knew that this was not only from memory but muscle memory.  

Could this be the reason droids were not perfect? That their muscle memory was ingrained in them to the extent that no programme, no code so far had overridden it? 

Whatever it was, you knew you had to keep this observation to yourself.

As Jongho started to regain consciousness, you maintained a certain distance between you two, glancing around- most of your colleagues had signed off for the day. There were only a few at the far end of the room and then there was Mr. Han who was just leaving for the cafeteria. You locked eyes with the droid and found your hands getting clammy when he started blinking rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the light. As soon as he looked at you, you started tapping on the desk lightly, waiting for something while praying for the opposite.

Waiting for him to look at what your fingers were tapping and praying that he wouldn’t recognise it, even if you were doing this to rock his human memory.

However, your prayers were actually answered this time and Jongho straightened as the confusion in his eyes disappeared. “CJ of Team 8.”

“That’s right, welcome back,” you sighed, tossing him his t-shirt and he wore it. It irked you a lot, how the droid was not reacting to having woken up from unconsciousness without clothes on his upper body. Jongho would have been a flustered mess.

This was not Jongho. He looked as different as he felt different.

“We’re done for the day,” you told him when he got up. “Are you feeling okay? Any haziness? Something off?”

“Perfectly fine, Miss,” he confirmed and you nodded. 

“Let’s go, then,” you said. 

Over the past few days, you had made no progress whatsoever with the droid assigned to you. You weren’t sure if people were expecting quick results from you- Mr. Han was monitoring each and every move you made in the office as if you weren’t already being surveilled by the droid itself. You were half certain that Mr. Han was also ordered to keep an eye on you but you’ve always had doubts about that man. His ‘fatherly’ nature was a little too overbearing and demanding at times.

You had no idea how long you were going to keep working on Jongho until he would be deemed ‘unfit’ like the other droids you had failed to save. Failed to fix, actually, but resultantly, they lost their lives. You could not do that to Jongho- perhaps, fixing him as a droid was the only way you could save him, but…

How could you do that to him?

How could you do that to him, you wondered as he set the table and settled down on the chair in front of you, saying his usual ‘enjoy your meal’ before digging in himself. You almost expected him to put a piece of meat in your bowl like he used to do before everything went wrong. You almost expected him to ask you what was wrong when you would zone out just like you were now-

“You’re not eating,” the droid said.

A simple statement, void of emotion, but…

Muscle memory.

Could this be what could really change everything?

“I… I’m just tired,” you said. The truth, but you wished you could tell him what exactly was going on. You put a spoonful in your mouth anyway. 

“You worked overtime today,” Jongho said and you nodded. This droid had a knack for sounding way too human, or maybe you were over analysing everything because it was someone you were familiar with. “Would you like me to make you some tea after dinner?”

“No, thanks. I’ll make my own tea,” you scoffed to yourself. If his muscle memory was really still intact, he would get your tea just right and you were not prepared for that. “Isn’t it ironic, though?”

“What is ironic?”

“Humans have made so many machines for the sole purpose of serving them,” you ate another spoon as you watched Jongho, noticing that he needed a haircut now. “All these machines, and yet they would prefer a human to work in the kitchen.”

“A droid is not a human.”

“A droid is a human,” you corrected, locking eyes with him in challenge. “A machine is something like… that coffee-maker. That microwave,” you pointed. “Something like that, yeah? As long as you have a functioning heart, you are human.”

“Whatever you say, Miss,” Jongho said almost dismissively and you rolled your eyes at his automatic response. 

“I wonder if humans need someone to work in the kitchen for them- for a specific taste that only humans can construct or to keep company or for whatever reason… why would they not send these heartless machines to fight for them? Why would they send humans?”

“A machine can only make so many decisions,” the droid said.

“Yeah, well, they want me to fully turn you into a machine,” you scoffed loudly. Damned be the consequences- if they were watching you, they should pay heed to your words. “What’s the point of you being a human-turned-droid then? We could have built a human shaped machine designed for war from scratch. We could install whatever thinking ability it needs.”

“But it would not think or make decisions like a human does.”

“Well, are you human right now, then?” You wondered and that finally got the droid to shut up. “Because you sure sound like one right now despite insisting that you are a droid.”

“Can’t a droid be both?” Jongho frowned and your eyes twitched in response- you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You searched his face for any signs of recognition but found none.

“I guess that’s why it has to be a human that gets turned into a machine,” you concluded. “A machine wouldn’t have asked me that question.”

Jongho didn’t react to that. He simply finished his meal and waited for you to finish before he cleared the table. You made yourself that cup of tea and looked over your code from today, wondering how you were going to proceed from here. If you were really being watched right now, you somehow needed to let Jongho know that he should not react when he recognises you. How were you going to pull that? 

It was near impossible. And with that thought, you went to your room to prepare for the worst.

You were trapped in a town that wasn’t yours. Just like everyone else here, you had magically woken up in your new house, in your new room and had simply been instructed to follow the orders if you wanted to live- no further explanation. What you had gathered so far though was this whole thing had been planned since decades. The New Government- the group of people from all over the world who were the masterminds behind the Eden Droid Project aimed to create an army of droids and then distribute them among the powerful nations so they could have the ultimate leverage over the less powerful nations and make them submit to them. 

It was evil, it was twisted, and when you first began programming for robots instead of droids that were actually humans, you never would have thought that this was what it was going to come to. You worked with your friends Yunho and Wooyoung- an inseparable trio. As soon as your team sensed something darker, you all decided to leave and you cut ties with your family and friends, moving away without any explanation to attempt to make things right again. Your sister was the only one who had an inkling of what was going on and she had kept your parents calm but Jongho…

He didn’t deserve what you did to him, and now he was here. You were probably going to die by his hands. And maybe… maybe you deserved that.

You prayed your family was unconscious just like the common people who weren’t a part of this. Sometimes, you wondered if you had been fed a lie- sure, the world had progressed a lot but how could 99.9 percent of the world’s population be in a state of unconsciousness as they claimed? How was the world functioning? Machines could only handle so much especially if autorun, and droids couldn’t replace humans even if the world had progressed a lot in the past few decades. You were sure you had been brought to another piece of land and fed this lie so you would cooperate with them. 

Whatever it was, you had no choice but to obey. You were not allowed to question anything. And if you gave up on this project and they killed you, it wouldn’t make a difference because someone else would eventually figure out how to fix the droids. 

As you finished showering and sat down in front of the vanity, wrapped in your bathrobe to dry your hair, you wondered if this environment was created for the coders and programmers specifically so they could produce quick results. You felt like a lab rat and the fact that this might be true was making you nauseous. Just when you were about to settle down in bed, you heard the sound of a dull crash and you went to inspect- it looked like the sound came from the direction of Jongho’s room.

Sure enough, Jongho was picking himself up from the floor, brushing his clothes and when he looked at you, he flinched-

In pain.

You started tapping a single word on your thigh repeatedly, hoping he would understand it- just a simple ‘no’. No to whatever he was thinking, no to whatever he was about to do if he managed to get a few moments of clarity as a human. Jongho’s gaze fixed on your thigh and you asked him if everything was okay, continuing to tap that word.

“I heard a crash- did you trip or something? Are you having motor problems?”

“I…I don’t think so, I…” Jongho exhaled loudly, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as if that could rid him of the ache in his head. “Sorry for disturbing you.”

“Will you let me check if everything is good with you?”

“You can’t access my code here-”

“I actually can, I just haven’t been allowed to,” you told him. He must have known since he didn’t react much. Good, you thought. He was still CJ. “I’ll just have to override the security files… or we could head to the office. It’s going to take the same amount of time.”

“I think I’m fine,” he straightened. “You can check my code in the office in the morning, or right now- whatever you prefer, Miss.”

“Morning it is,” you shrugged, feeling defeated. “Goodnight-”

To your disbelief, Jongho was tapping something on his thigh as well. You did your best to appear nonchalant when he finished tapping a single command. 

“Goodnight, Miss,” he said in his usual flat tone before turning to go back to his room. You took a deep breath before going back to your room and sitting at the edge of the bed as you translated his message.

Help.

—------------------------

You were more suspicious of everyone around you including Jongho now- now more than ever, especially since you just came back to your office after presenting your monthly progress-

Which was little to none, if you had to admit. You did try talking in circles but it never worked in front of the panel.

“You’ve been here for 3 months now, Miss Jeon,” Dr. Seo closed your files detailing your progress and winced as if the lack of your progress physically hurt him. “I can’t tell if you’re being stubborn or if you no longer want to be a part of this. Because there’s no way you haven’t figured it out already.”

“I… I appreciate that you believe in me so much, I really do,” you met eyes with all of your seniors who had seen through every step of your journey especially in the beginning, when things were normal. “But I’m sorry to admit that I really don’t see a future with what we’re trying to achieve. You simply cannot turn a human into a droid and not expect some drawbacks- it’s humans we’re dealing with, not machines.”

“But it has worked brilliantly so far with your help and everyone else’s who has been a part of this team,” Dr. Jin, one of the masterminds behind the Eden Droid Project said. “And I’m sorry but I expected more from you.”

“Has anyone else figured it out yet?” You asked.

“It’s not that we’re comparing you,” his smirk was almost devilish as if he knew exactly what you were hiding. “It’s because we believe you’re the only one who will figure this out. What is the one thing keeping humans from becoming almost the perfect version of droids?”

“Their human nature,” you said.

“What part of it?” He shifted in his chair and you wiped your sweaty hands on your trousers. “Emotions? But you synced them. Is there a fault there, or is it something we haven’t even considered yet?”

You fell silent. They were definitely on to something. 

“Should we have a meeting with the other brilliant coders of this project?” Dr. Seo attempted to break the tension in the air. “Maybe what all our coders need is to interact with each other and exchange ideas.”

You suddenly felt hope- you did consider the possibility that Yunho and Wooyoung were also here, forced to work just like you. If you could just meet them, if you could just see them-

“You know why we haven’t allowed them to meet,” Dr. Jin reprimanded. “I can only allow healthy discussions within the designated teams. Miss Jeon, if you need some help, we will accommodate you as best as we can, but I will have to ask you to be quicker with this. We do not have much time and if we do not come up with a solution first, if another nation beats us to it, we will lose our advantage. Don’t you want to go back home and be with your family?”

And that was it. The last straw. 

You were aware that this was some sort of a race now. Whoever would figure out what was wrong with the droids would have the advantage- they could keep it from other nations. They could use that as a leverage because they would be the ones with an army of droids at their disposal. Droids that could make excellent spies, fighters, doctors, and whatnot. Droids that would be weapons for all the powerful and selfish leaders of this world, to use at their disposal when they terrorise the weaker nations into submission. Sure, this was nothing new- the world was always at war with each other but with droids in the question, it could go very wrong. 

And the fact that they were using your family to bait you? The fact that most of the people here had something to lose if they refused to cooperate? How could you undo all of this? Every day, you cursed yourself for ever being a part of this project, for ever giving them the idea that led to this day, yet beating yourself over it would achieve nothing. You had to take action, soon. You couldn’t let them know that you had the answer already. 

You had to wake Jongho up.

“Everything alright?” Mr. Han asked, having spotted you zoning out in the corner of the office next to the window, glancing at Jongho’s unconscious figure attached to the cords- you hadn’t paid much attention to him today. He approached you and opened a box, revealing an assortment of donuts. You smiled despite yourself, picking a glazed donut.

“I just came back from the monthly report presentation,” you told him and he hummed in understanding. “How did yours go?”

“They reminded me why we’re doing this,” he rolled his eyes and you scoffed. “As if I’ve forgotten.”

“Do you think we can figure it out before someone else does?” You asked casually and he looked at you for a few moments.

“It’s not that I have an insurmountable amount of belief in you,” he began and you relaxed. “You’re only human too, and it’s been tough to be away from what was normal, right?” You nodded and he continued. “But I really do think that you can do this. You just need some time. Should I ask them to allow you to work from home too?”

“I don’t think they will agree, but I appreciate it,” you smiled. “They’re doubtful for the right reasons too, after all.”

Mr. Han shrugged and gave you the box, asking you to share it with CJ when he woke up. “He must be having a hard time.”

“Don’t let the superiors hear that you’re empathising with a droid,” you whispered and he winked at you before he went to his station. You went to yours, hoping the office hours could quickly come to an end before you could unplug Jongho. But…

You needed to access all his code files. “Mr. Han?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could be granted access to all the code files of this droid? Even if it’s just a preview? I think I should check if some other code is interfering with my code files.”

“Should I make a call?”

“If you can?” You asked and he nodded. You went back to pretending you were actually working and Mr. Han told you that you would know your answer in the morning. 

You hoped they would agree, especially after today’s meeting. If they really thought that you’re the one who should debug the droids, maybe they needed to start trusting you more and stop hiding things.

And when you gain their trust and figure out how to save Jongho…

That’s when you would have to make a decision.

—-------------------------

You were not sure exactly what part of you sitting casually in the living room, watching TV with the smell of your favourite tea filling the room, a donut in your hand, rocked Jongho’s human memory but you watched him faint in front of your eyes and your jaw fell open in shock. You remained still as your own memory flashed in front of your eyes-

“Oh, what a sight,” Jongho shook his head as he entered his living room, finding you already having made home on his couch- a towel on your head and donut in your hand as you watched the TV while you waited for him to come back from the convenience store. Jongho put the groceries on the kitchen counter. “I found your teabags.”

“Oh my god, thank you so much,” you gave him a look of gratitude before turning your attention to the drama. “I would have gone myself but you know how tired I feel after showering- it’s like a sign that my day is over and I should just relax.”

“Yeah, and how convenient for you that your boyfriend is willing to do anything for you, huh?”

“Of course,” you muttered absently, eyes widening at the turn of events playing in the drama. Jongho turned on the kettle and sneaked behind you, planting a kiss on your cheek that caught you by surprise and you looked at him as a smile made its way on your lips. 

“What was that for?”

“For being cute?” He booped your nose before going back to the kitchen and pouring the hot water in the cup. You weren’t interested in the drama anymore- you turned your full attention to him. He hummed an unfamiliar song before bringing the cups to you. 

“Did you leave some donuts for me or are they already long gone?”

“Of course I did,” you pouted. “Kept your favourite ones.”

“Good,” he slung his arm around your shoulders and you snuggled into him, making him laugh when your towel bumped with his face. You spent the next few minutes wrestling him as he tried to get the towel out of the way while you argued that on one condition- that he dry your hair for you. Jongho pouted in response, nothing going his way and you pecked his lips to make amends, handing him his favourite donut and he could only smile in defeat. 

You poked the droid’s thigh with your bare feet- he really was unconscious. You sucked in an annoyed breath- how you wished there were no surveillance cameras in your living room. You moved Jongho’s limbs so he was in a more comfortable position and went back to what you were doing.

Sure, you couldn't do anything about this right now but you sure hoped that whoever was going to give you the pass for accessing Jongho’s code files in your home would see this moment and make his decision afterwards. For now, you finished your donut and tea and as soon as Jongho moved, you sat down on the floor next to him and began tapping on his thigh.

Don’t.

One single word, but perhaps Jongho’s mind was too hazy- his eyes widened in recognition and you subtly shook your head no but it wasn’t enough-

“What are you-”

“Ah, good thing you’re back,” you attempted to sound normal but perhaps your unusually high pitch betrayed you. “What do you think? I should be allowed to access your code files at home now, no?”

It wasn’t CJ- it was Jongho looking at you in confusion, and you were so glad your legs blocked the sight of Jongho linking his hand with yours and squeezing it in confusion, in desperation. You squeezed them back to assure him that you knew, that you could hear him even when he couldn’t speak. That you understood him even when he was not himself. 

“Do you recall what you felt right before fainting?” You asked.

“Uh… confusion. Haziness.”

“All normal- are you feeling alright now? We can call for permission to access your code if you think it’s necessary right now, CJ.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” he muttered and he shut his eyes as if in pain. You immediately unlinked your hands and when he opened his eyes, the blue lens in his left eye flickered-

CJ was back.

The droid immediately started getting up and you followed, straightening your clothes awkwardly. “Sorry for the inconvenience, Miss.”

“Oh, that’s alright. Would you like a donut?”

His brows furrowed in confusion and you went back to your seat, sliding the box towards him. When he opened it they were all half eaten- neatly cut in the middle.

“Sorry. I really had to taste all of the flavours. Kept a whole one for you, though. You might like it.”

You pointed at the chocolate-dipped donut and internally cursed yourself for asking him to join you for donuts. You had kept them to rock his memory but considering the events of today, you didn’t need to do that anyway. He stared at that donut for a long time before he finally picked it up to eat.

And you knew then- whatever happened tonight was enough. Whatever went through Jongho’s head tonight was enough- you didn’t have much time. You needed to save him before the human in him gets lost forever. With that thought, you went to your room.

To prepare for the battle ahead. One that might cost a lot of lives. One that was necessary to fight, to undo the damage you had done to this world.

—--------------------------

“Miss Jeon, I would advise you to drop your gun and talk it out,” Mr. Han’s fatherly tone almost made you put the gun you had been aiming at his direction down on the nearest surface and follow his orders- talk it out.

Except there was nothing to talk about anymore. Everything had gone so very wrong, so very quickly.

“And risk an arrest? Or worse? I’d rather not,” you attempted to scoff but it came out more like a whimper.

“Come on- what did you hear?” Mr. Han never moved the gun aimed for your head- good thing you were both stationed at opposite ends of the room. 

“Oh? Should I have heard something then?” You cocked your head. “What I saw was enough.”

What you saw was the file on his desk regarding the self-destruct code installed in the droids that were assigned to different coders- including Jongho. You weren’t sure if it was a careless mistake or if he left it out on purpose for you to see- maybe it was a mistake since you rarely ever went to his part of the office. But your suspicions were confirmed- they had indeed installed some self-destruct files in Jongho in case someone tried to meddle with his code. So with that anger- with that boiling, seething anger, when you went to find Mr. Han and confront him, you spotted him in the next building through the window talking to none other than Dr. Jin.

You couldn’t help but wonder how much of this was planned. Anger consumed you and within minutes, you were back in your office overriding Jongho’s code files and putting him to sleep and then hacking your building’s system to turn off the CCTVs- just like you had practised so many times in the past few days. They may have the best coders and programmers in this building and you probably had seconds, but…

They had forgotten that you were the pioneer of this damned project. You were what they were against, and you had to surprise them again, just like the first time you did when you were still a stupid teen who thought they did something smart. You attached a USB in the main PC with an auto-run file to keep the system glitching while you unplugged Jongho and hastily put his shirt back on his unconscious body. 

You had a couple of minutes at most- you went to Mr. Han’s desk and grabbed all the files you could and stuffed them in your briefcase, taking out the gun you had slipped past the detectors a few days ago during a system crash episode- pure luck. The gun had been in your car for a while but as soon as you saw the chance, you slipped it into your office, not knowing you’d need it this soon. You weren’t surprised to see that Mr. Han kept a gun of his own- you were simply disappointed.

The lights flickered on and off and you figured the technicians must be having a tough time figuring out exactly what was wrong. You could hear your shallow breaths as you shifted your grip on the gun, the sweat from your palms making it feel slippery. 

“If you think you know what’s happening here, you’re wrong, sweetheart,” Mr. Han shook his head. “I’ve been following orders just like you. I can’t believe you’re being this reckless when you too must have a family waiting for you. Someone they use as leverage against you.”

“Almost everyone is here against their will,” you corrected him. “You’re no different than the rest of them. So go ahead. Go ahead and shoot me, but if you do, you’ll lose everything and everyone you love. Eden cannot debug droids without me- I’m sure of it.”

“I never intended to shoot you,” he sighed, lowering his gun and you frowned. “If we’re not being watched right now… we don’t need to do this.”

“Aim your gun at me either way,” you told him and he obeyed. “Did you know that CJ was going to be assigned to me?”

“I knew a droid was going to be assigned to you, but not the specifics. Is there a problem with CJ?”

“A problem?” You scoffed. “Imagine you were in my shoes and it was your wife that was assigned to you as the droid you needed to fix. How would you feel?”

When Mr. Han paled visibly, you realised he may not have known CJ’s identity after all. “CJ… is he someone you know?”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know everything, y/n,” he pleaded. “I’m only following orders and supervising you- though you hardly need that.”

“He’s the person I tried to protect all these years,” you bit your lips as you looked at Jongho’s limp figure on the stretcher. “Can you imagine how I’ve been feeling all along? I have to turn him into a droid or else he’ll be killed.”

“I’m sorry, I really am, y/n,” Mr. Han lowered his gun. “Damned be the consequences. What do you plan to do?”

“I’m going to run away,” you told him, lowering your own gun. “With CJ. He won’t self-destruct for now, I’ve taken care of it.”

“They’ll find you,” Mr. Han said. “There’s no way you can be on the road and not be found. The car must have a tracking device.”

“I took care of that too- all it will take is a click. As for them spotting me… I think I know how to take care of that as well…”

“Of course you do,” Mr. Han laughed in disbelief. “Tell me… you know how to fix the droids, don’t you?”

When you didn’t respond, he nodded. “Tell you what- you can do whatever you want from here, but never, ever fix the droids, okay? You hear me?”

You passed a weak smile in response and he finally approached you, emptying his gun and handing you the extra bullets. “I won’t need them.”

“They’ll punish you for letting me go.”

“You can knock me out- I’ll play dumb for as long as I can,” he grinned. “Besides, I don’t think the cameras caught me entering the office.”

“Can you help me get Jongho in the car first?”

Which was how a few minutes later, you found yourself on the road, a jamming device fixed on the dashboard to make the surveillance cameras glitch whenever you would pass. You sped through the unfamiliar roads but you knew you would need to ditch your car soon- there was no way you could blend in when this was a black SUV with the office plate. You looked around the billboards and the street signs for any clue of your location but they were all blank or painted over. The only guide you had was the map in the car but that turned off as soon as you strayed away from your usual path.

You considered waking Jongho up and asking for help but there was no guarantee he wasn’t going to try something that would cost you both a lot. You decided to keep going forward and look for an abandoned building- it was getting dark and you needed to sort this mess out before you could proceed forward. Sure, you had prepared beforehand- you had everything you needed in the trunk of your car, discreetly putting necessities in the bag day after day since the beginning. From tools to clothes to food, you had everything.

Now you just needed to take care of Jongho- currently sprawled across the backseat, his hands fastened with a cable tie. You had no doubts he could still overpower you but for now, you had to make do with what you had. So when you spotted an empty area of the town with a few warehouses, you decided to take a chance and make home in one of them. You parked your car in the narrow space between two warehouses, deciding to hide it later with the empty tubs lined next to the walls. You searched the car for a physical tracking device and when you found it, you crushed it under your feet- you needed to take the jamming device inside with you so this was necessary. Then you turned off the infotainment system for good and finally sighed in relief.

You had done it- you finally ran away.

Just like you had run away from home two years ago.

You looked at Jongho from the front mirror and recalled the last day you had spent with him and your family- a memory you had kept in your heart as the days following got lonelier and regretful-

“Wonder what’s gotten into her,” your sister, Cookie, whispered to Jongho. “Did you propose to her? Is she showing off her housewife skills? Which are little to none, by the way…”

“Please,” Jongho scoffed. “I think she’s just collectively going to poison us all. She’s still sour about how we ditched her to go hiking last weekend, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, well that would make more sense,” Cookie said. “But it was her fault- I asked but she was too busy with her little codes to process what I said and told me to get out. That’s a no, right?”

“Definitely-”

“I can hear you both, you know,” you said, looking at the two. While at other times, you would have chucked something at them and ensued chaos, this time, you simply smiled at the sigh of your little sister and your boyfriend standing shoulder to shoulder as they watched you arrange everything you had cooked (or bought- they didn’t need to know that) on the trays. When you were finally pleased with the presentation, you asked them to help you take the trays out to the backyard where you were going to have a little party- all of you.

The two obeyed and marched outside singing another song that you didn’t know- Jongho and your sister got along way too well and were usually partnering against you. He probably adored her more than you but your sister was smart and knew she had to be on good terms with him so he could spoil her- and spoil he did. 

Your heart ached at the sight of the two and you prayed they would stay like this forever- happy. Even without you. You hoped they could fill your absence in the house and make your parents feel better.

Jongho’s parents cheered for you when you came out. “This is something your sister usually plans but we’re glad you’re not holed up in your room for once.”

“Thanks, uncle,” you laughed. “Just wanted a little breather.”

“You should have joined us last weekend!” His mom sighed in happiness. “The view was so good and the air so fresh. I think I feel younger ever since I came back.”

“I thought you felt older- you were complaining about your kneecaps- ow!” Jongho earned a smack on the back of his head from you and everyone laughed at that. Your mom patted the space next to her and you took the seat, urging her to try the sandwiches you made. The air filled with the sound of their laughs and you felt warm all over as you looked at each one of them, not saying much but committing this memory to your heart. 

You went to take a walk with Jongho later that night to share a beer and go to the park to sit on the swings and relax. Jongho asked you if everything was okay- he never missed anything.

“Perfectly fine,” you assured him. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget today.”

“Me neither,” he smiled and you clicked your cans before drinking. “You’re a bit different today, y/n. If something is bothering you… you can tell me, you know that, right?”

“I know. I trust you, Jongho,” you looked at him. “You know that you’re the one person I trust the most in this world, right?”

Jongho frowned at the sudden confession but nodded. You continued. “And you know that I love you, right?”

Jongho would have gotten flustered and teased you but tonight, he noticed the sadness in your voice. “What is up with you? What are you planning?”

“Nothing,” you laughed. “Just wanted to tell you this before the night is over.”

Jongho narrowed his eyes but when you didn’t give in, he sighed. 

“I don’t know what the matter is, but I hope you know that I trust you too. And I love you too. You’re not alone. You know that, right?”

“I know,” your smile was genuine. “I know.”

And the fact that you were not alone was what needed to change. In the middle of the night, you packed your necessities and left the note for your sister in her room by her bedside which said that you ran away to protect them and you would return soon, but no one could know. You told her to stay strong for you and help the rest cope. You apologised for the burden you gave her but she knew- she had seen you cry in your room for so many nights. She knew you had done something and the guilt was eating you up. She knew it was related to your job.

You prayed Jongho would remember the conversation you had with him and not blame himself.

Perhaps, he did blame himself. Perhaps he never gave up trying to find you, which was how they found him. Maybe running away wasn’t the best choice since they found Jongho anyway- your eyes welled up with tears at the thought of all the lost time, the years you could have spent with your family. Maybe you would never see them again now. With tears rolling down your cheeks and a blurry vision, you surveyed the area and deciding that it looked safe enough for now, you dragged Jongho inside and propped him on a bench, coughing due to the dust. You took off his shirt again and plugged him to your laptop- there were some things you needed to get done immediately- check if you were being tracked, check if Jongho’s trackers were all blocked now, see if there were any signals nearby- droids or not, and finally-

Find out your coordinates.

—-----------------------------

“We are not in the office.”

“Clearly,” you muttered, hugging yourself tighter with your folded arms as you looked at the droid seated in front of you, unbound this time. The droid scanned the new environment, his eyes lingering at the odd things in front of him- especially at the cord and your laptop, your bags and the packets of snacks sprawled on the table between you.

“This is unauthorised,” Jongho stated. 

“Yes,” you admitted. “What are you programmed to do in case you find yourself in a situation like this?”

“Find my way back. If I cannot, I will have to activate the self-destruct code.”

“Going to be quite an explosion, huh?” You sighed.

“It will be very dangerous for you, yes,” he looked down at his limbs. Was he surprised that he was untied for once? “Why are we here?”

“Are you programmed to find out the reason for your unauthorised absence before you make a decision?”

He wasn’t. You got that from the red flicker in his usually blue lens in the left eye. This was the humane curiosity in him questioning things a droid shouldn’t have cared about. You shifted in your position- you hadn’t really planned this conversation so you would have to tread carefully from here on.

“Jongho,” you locked eyes with him. “What is the next step that you are going to take?”

“I can’t access the server,” Jongho frowned. “My code has been altered.”

“You didn’t ask how I know your name,” you whispered. “Choi Jongho. Don’t you remember me?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” an unrelenting answer from a droid.

“Are you programmed to self-destruct if your identity is found out?” You asked. He shook his head no. “Interesting. That can only mean they sent you to me knowing we had history. Do you remember the last time you saw me?”

“In the office-”

“No, you, Choi Jongho. Not CJ. You,” you insisted and he finally frowned- it was working. “How did you feel to learn that I ran away?”

“I… don’t know.”

“You know,” you told him. “Your memories are just locked away. Deep inside, here,” you tapped your temple. “All you gotta do is dig in and think. Remember when you, CJ, saw me with the donuts? Did it rock a memory of yours?”

When he didn’t respond and continued to stare at you, his lens flickering, you leaned forward. “How did you know how I like my tea?”

That was another odd thing that took place a few days ago. No one could make your tea the way you liked it. Only Jongho knew, and only he could make it perfectly every time. Sometimes you wondered if you simply liked the drink he made because he was the one who made it. 

“I don’t know. I just made it how I learned to-”

“Learned from where?” You asked. “From me. We learned to make it together, Jongho. Two dips, let it sit, add exactly 1/4th spoon of honey and dip thrice. Don’t mix it, let it sit for exactly two minutes before you take the teabag out and mix the honey. How did you know? It’s your muscle memory, Jongho. It’s what makes you human.”

Jongho’s eyes widened just a fraction and you relaxed. You had him now. “We’ve been so close to home all this time, Jongho. I found out where we are- only a few hundred miles away from home, an abandoned town. I thought we were someplace else entirely. I thought only we were the ones awake and the rest of the world was asleep- surely they would have searched for you if not for me, right?” 

He shook his head as if in disbelief of what he was hearing. You sighed. “How did they find you, Jongho? Did they find you… or did you find them?”

“Y/n.”

Even though your name was called in warning, your lips parted in surprise because this wasn’t CJ- this was Jongho who called your name. And goodness, how long had it been since the last time you heard your name roll from his lips? How long had you waited for this moment?

You shifted to get up but he raised a hand in the air, muttering ‘don’t’ and you sat right back down. His eyes twitched in pain and he groaned deeply. “You need to get out of here- leave me here and run.”

“Jongho-”

“You haven’t deactivated any trackers- they know you’re here, they meant for this to happen-”

“What are you talking about?” You whispered, blood rushing to your head and making your vision darken for a moment. 

“They even know what we’re talking about right now,” Jongho cried out and you put a hand on your mouth in sheer horror, sweat taking root in every pore of your body. 

Muscle memory, Jongho. It’s what makes you human.

Oh, how absolutely foolish you had been. Jongho got up and whispered, “They’re near.”

You mirrored his actions but almost fell on the floor due to the dizziness- everything was too much. This is not happening. Nothing made sense anymore- you had deactivated every tracker- how could they have found you-

There was a tracker on you.

How could you have been so incredibly stupid?

Jongho reached you in a hurry, the lens no longer a blue or red but simply transparent, revealing his brown orbs as he grabbed you by the arms and shook you a little. “Come to your senses, y/n. You have to get out of here- I don’t know what they’ll do with us. I’ll stay back and distract them-”

“No,” you cried, feeling nauseous all of a sudden. “I’ve run away once. I won’t run away again.”

“This is not running away,” he smiled a little as if it finally dawned on him that he was here so close to you, he was human and he had you in his arms. His hands were steady as they found your face, tucking your hair behind so lovingly, eyes travelling on every inch of your face.

“Don’t you look at me like it’s the last time,” you whispered. “Don’t you dare leave me, Jongho.”

But perhaps, it wasn’t meant to be. Not this time. You heard the unmistakable sound of vehicles- not one but too many vehicles circling the warehouse. Jongho sighed in defeat yet from the look in his eyes and the smile on his lips, it seemed like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here. He cupped your face and leaned in, locking his lips with yours and the tears that had been threatening to spill finally found a reason to. He kissed you surely and soundly, breaking apart to wrap his arms around you, his fingers on your back tapping rhythmically-

Morse code.

“What-”

“Shh,” he urged, tapping again. “Everything will be okay. Don’t forget this moment, alright?”

You nodded and buried your face in his chest- your safe space. “Have you forgiven me for running away?” You asked as the sound of the door being slammed open echoed in the warehouse- so loud yet the sound of his dull heartbeat was louder.

“Oh, we will talk about that. One day,” he assured you. “But for now… I love you, y/n. I hope you remember that.”

“I hope you remember that I love you,” you countered, breaking away just to get a good look at his face, at his messy curls falling on his forehead, at the absolute adoration in his eyes replaced by devastation when the soldiers who came barging in pulled you from him harshly and the last thing you saw was him screaming your name before you felt something slam against your head and the roaring in your ears finally came to a silence. You welcomed the darkness this time.

—-------------------------

“Y/n! Will you please wake up? I need to go to the convenience store and I need some company!”

“Go alone, Cookie” you groaned, “Let me sleep some more.”

“I’ll treat you to fried chicken.”

Now that was something worth opening an eye to take a good look at your little sister. Was she bribing you? Clearly. Was it working?

“Give me 15 minutes,” you said, getting up with a groan and she grinned. “I need to get ready.”

“It’s almost evening so take a jacket, you’ve been out cold for far too long. Thought I’d let you know the day has ended!” Cookie called as she left your room. 

Perhaps, getting up immediately was a mistake- it seemed like all the blood rushed down from your head and you fell back on your bed unceremoniously. You groaned in pain- why were you having the worst headache of your life?

When you felt stable enough to move, you made your way to the toilet and washed your face, noticing a fading bruise on your left temple. Now how did you get that? You reached for your toothbrush-

It was not there. Odd. You did not remember throwing it away- if you did, where was the replacement? Groggily, you made your way back to your room to check the cupboard where you kept your supplies and found no signs of a toothbrush.

“Cookie, what prank are you playing with me now?”

“What do you mean?” She called from her room.

“Where did you hide my toothbrush?”

“Why would I hide your toothbrush?”

“To prank me?” You yelled in frustration. “I won’t go to the store with you if you keep this up.”

You heard the angry pads of her footsteps. “Look, that prank was one time. You were so mad I wouldn’t try it again.”

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. “The smirk on your lips says otherwise.”

“That’s just me finding this funny,” she flipped her hair dramatically as she went back to her room and you sighed deeply, the voice of your mom calling your names in warning stirring something deep inside you.

I will not cry over a missing toothbrush, you told yourself and got ready, wearing a denim jacket over a casual outfit. You went into the living room to drink some water and when you turned-

You almost dropped your glass.

“Can you pour me a little too?” Your mom asked and you found your mouth going dry, nodding subconsciously as you reached for another glass. You watched her drink- why did it look like she had aged a whole lot since you last saw her? Didn’t you just see her last night? Didn’t you spot the grey in her hair, the wrinkles around her eyes ever before?

Or maybe you always saw her but never cared to look. Your mom made a face at you, making you laugh a little as you broke out of your trance. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head. “I was just counting your grey hairs.”

“Y/n,” she laughed loudly. “I think this is my sign to book a salon appointment.”

“Yes, mother!” Cookie came in, squeezing her shoulders. “You should get your grey strands dyed a fun colour- like pink.”

“Oh, come on, what will your dad think?”

“I think he’ll like it,” she winked. “We’re going out- be back before curfew!” Cookie grabbed your hand and dragged you out before your mom could say her usual chant- stay safe, don’t do stupid things, don’t fight, and so on. It seemed like forever since you had heard that and a part of you wished you had stayed to hear it.

Before you knew it, you were deep in a heated discussion about school being fun versus school being a bad memory. Of course, for Cookie, everything was fun. It was kind of endearing how she always saw the positive in everything and made sure to enjoy every moment. You, however, were the pessimistic of the two, though you preferred the term ‘realist’. School did have fun moments, yes, but you didn’t have a normal school experience at all- you were always working with the teachers and seniors who could code. While that was the beginning of your career, you didn’t get to interact with people much and they didn’t make an effort when you had some normal moments.

It was a relief then that Jongho was in your class and never made you feel alone, you wondered as you finished the argument with your sister and the food. She was paying the bill- a rare occurrence because ever since you started working at a very young age, you made sure to spoil her (a mistake- the brat learned that she could convince you to get her anything). Cookie turned to smirk in some sense of superiority she felt for having treated you and you let her have that moment, chuckling as you exited.

“Ah, the weather’s nice,” you looked up at the sky- it was too cloudy to see any stars. “I’m craving beer. When will you get old enough for beer?”

“Just a few more months, sis. We’ll see who’s the better drinker out of us.”

“Yeah, I might be bad, but you can’t beat Jong-”

“Oh, would you look at that,” Cookie pointed at a cafe at the end of the street. “I heard they’ve added cookies to their menu. Let’s get some to take home.”

You rolled your eyes. There was a reason you called her Cookie. Before you could protest, she was already speed-walking, her short hair flowing behind her and you struggled to catch up, looking at your surroundings. 

“Yo, wasn’t there a barbeque place here?”

Cookie paused to look at you. “That was like what- two? Three years ago? You should really leave the house more. Being cooped up in your room all day is doing something to your memory, I swear-”

“It’s not that,” you, for once, didn’t argue, telling her to get some for dad too while you decided to wait outside. 

Why did everything feel so… new? Tangible? You looked at your hand, moving it- were you dissociating? Was it that strange realisation that you were real? But it didn’t explain the ache in your heart since the moment you opened your eyes today. And you were glad Cookie was lost in her own thoughts on the short walk back home, giving you time to think. Just like always, you made a tray with cookies and milk and knocked on your parents’ room, entering when they gave the signal.

“Oh, dear,” your dad sighed in happiness. “Just what I wanted.”

“Long day?” You asked, grinning when they took the tray and placed it on the bed.

“Not really, but was just craving something sweet,” he smiled and you scanned his face- again, the sadness in his eyes was something unfamiliar to you.

“Well, enjoy your cookies. My Cookie is waiting for me outside.”

“Always attached at the hip,” your mom shook her head. “I don’t know how they do that when she’s home all day and the little one is rarely ever home.”

You scoffed when they continued that discussion, exiting the room to see Cookie smiling cheekily with the box of cookies open and one glass of milk-

“Cookie.”

“I don’t like milk!” She protested. “You drink milk. I only dip- why do I need a new glass?”

“I don’t like to dip cookies in the milk!” You argued, sitting across from her. “I don’t like the crumbs you leave!”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” She pouted. “You won’t drink the leftover milk if I get my own glass?”

“Nope,” you shook your head sternly. “Want me to call Jongho over? He can share with you.”

“And who’s Jongho?” Cookie frowned.

“Oh, please,” you took a bite of the chocolatey goodness. “As if this prank is gonna work on me.”

“No, but seriously, who’s Jongho?” Cookie wriggled her brows. “New imaginary boyfriend?”

“Imaginary?”

“Yes, imaginary. How would you find a boyfriend when you’re home alone- oh, is Jongho a bot?”

You rolled your eyes so hard that you felt an ache. You unlocked your phone to dial his number but found no contact saved. Frowning, you typed his number- did you accidentally delete his contact info? 

“This number does not exist.”

“Strange,” you muttered. “Did Jongho change his number? Did you know about this and decided to prank me because of this?”

“Aren’t you the one pranking me right now?” Cookie actually paused to stare at you. “Who’s Jongho?”

“Choi Jongho? The neighbour kid? Your best friend? Your big brother? My boyfriend? Do I need to say more?” You laughed in disbelief. “Don’t push my buttons by taking it too far.”

“Y/n, are you… are you okay? We don’t know anyone named Jongho. And what do you mean the neighbour’s kid? They never had one- they moved two years ago, don’t you remember?”

Two years. You were hearing this number a lot today. You went to your room to grab a photo of Jongho and slam it on your sister’s face but the grid on your desk only had polaroids of you and your family- no signs of Jongho. Feeling the hair on your neck rise, you unlocked your phone again to find some photos but again, no signs of him. You started sprawling through your drawers, checking your laptops, the pockets of your clothes, your eyes a blurry mess and when you heard the small voice of your sister calling your name, you looked at her.

“Where did you hide the photos? Please tell me, I need to look at him-”

“Y/n, come to your senses,” she sank down on her knees in front of you. “Who are you talking about?”

You glared at her before snatching your hands and marching to her room- you examined the grid on her desk- again, no signs of Jongho. You went through the things on her desk, opening the drawers-

“What are you doing?” Cookie whimpered and you turned to see her crying as well. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong with you, tell me.”

This couldn’t be happening. “It’s Jongho, don’t you remember? The one who taught you how to ride a bike? The one who protected you when you were being picked on in elementary school?” Tears rolled down in succession on both your faces- one trying to pick all the pieces that were threatening to disappear and the other trying to make sense of them. “Jongho, the one you called big brother? The milk to your cookie? The jelly to your peanut butter? Don’t you remember?”

“I- I don’t,” Cookie cried harder, sinking to the floor and breathing as if something was consuming her from the inside. 

“My Jongho, Cookie,” you whispered, gripping her desk. “The love of my life. You had a whole document on your computer about all your plans for our wedding- you made that when you were ten,” you laughed and Cookie chuckled as well, crying harder. “How can you forget?”

“I don’t know!” Cookie’s voice was loud in denial. “I don’t know him!” 

“Don’t you remember when I made food for all of you and you teased us about marriage and how I was preparing to be a housewife?” You laughed at the memory, Cookie’s ‘you made food?!’ indicating she was somehow more surprised to hear that. “We had that little party in the garden, his family and ours, remember?”

“That was-” Cookie paused, frowning. “I remember a party in the garden but… there were our neighbours there, yes, but not someone named Jongho- that was two years ago, right?”

Two years.

“Why did we have that party? Why did you make food?” Cookie looked at you, partly horrified as the dreadful realisation made its way to your mind.

“I… we had that party because I was going to run away. I… I ran away- how am I here?” You looked at your hands and then at Cookie. “How am I here?”

“Uh… this is your home?”

Home. You hadn’t stepped inside your home in two years.

It all started coming back to you in a series of chronological events- from that party to you running away from home and living in a studio apartment that Jeong Yunho had arranged for you. The two of you working to undo everything about that damned project that you could-

That damned project.

Droids.

“Oh… oh goodness-” you rushed to the toilet as a wave of nausea overtook you and threw up, groaning as you clutched your hair- Cookie was quick enough to help take care of your hair while you threw up some more, sobbing along. Your sister was also wise enough to shut the door and let you sob a little before urging you to get up and wash your face, helping you clean up. Once you were done and you had downed a glass of water, Cookie took you to her room and made you wrap a blanket around yourself- necessary at this point since you were shivering.

“You need to start making sense now. What’s happening?” 

You looked at your little sister. You hadn't seen her in two whole years, and she had grown so much in that time. She was also an inch taller than you now, you had noticed while walking. “Do you remember what we did yesterday?”

“Of course,” Cookie folded her arms. “You were in your room all day-”

“And the day before?” You asked. “And the day before that?”

Cookie’s brows finally unfurrowed in realisation. “I… I don’t remember.”

“Do you remember the note I gave you two years ago?” You asked. “The one that told you I was running away?” 

When it looked like she was still lost, you sighed deeply, looking around. “If I gave you a note that told you that I was going to run away but you could tell no one that I’m running away for a reason… that I’ll be back and you have to take care of everyone… where would you hide it, knowing you have to pretend you know nothing as well?”

“I don’t know,” Cookie sighed in frustration. “Why don’t I remember?”

“You’ll get your answers,” you got up, running your fingers along her bookshelf. “Where would you hide something like a secret note? Think, Cookie. They couldn’t have searched that deep, they couldn’t have found that.”

Cookie got up, looking around, and almost mechanically, she went for her underwear drawer and despite everything, you laughed. Of course. No one would dare rummage through her private things- but it got better. She had it taped on the inside of a bra.

“I don’t wear this one, so,” Cookie admitted and you shook your head, watching her open the note and read it again and again. “Make it make sense.”

“Where do I start?”

“From the beginning. Tell me everything.”

—------------------------------

Seeing a familiar face after riding a train all day was what finally gave you some strength to believe that things would be alright, and what finally put a smile on your face as you walked to your mentor, partner-in-crime (quite literally) and old friend, Jeong Yunho. When he spread his arms with a sad smile on his face, you didn’t hesitate to hug him, muttering how sorry you were to learn that he went through something quite similar to what you did.

“I’m just glad you’re safe, little one,” he broke the hug to look at you. “Are we sure there’s no tracker on you?”

“None- they put one on here,” you turned your arm to tap your shoulder blade. “Almost like a needle, Yunho. I would have missed it.”

“What did you do with it? If it’s stationary, they would know-”

“I put it on my sister,” you grinned. “And told her to act like me until I’m back.”

“Hoho, look at you,” he scoffed in amusement. “Finally told her everything?”

“Had to,” you sighed. “And this was the one step that I did not want to take, but she suggested that she could hold the tracker for me,” you handed one of your bags to Yunho who opened his car trunk and tossed it inside. When you were seated on his passenger seat, you asked, “How’s your brother?”

“Oh, all good. He forbade me to come back to the office after he saw the state I was in- broken limbs and everything. I don’t know how I managed to run away. Only a few months later and when I tell him you need me? He lends me his car with a threat that I better bring it back unscratched.”

“Damn,” you whistled. “Better keep that promise.”

“What about you, y/n?” He asked. 

“Do you remember how they took me? That part is still a bit blurry.”

“I thought they tailed me and found your apartment, but turns out you were just unlucky and they spotted you when you were going to Wooyoung’s place. They tailed you- I tailed them- it was a mess. Wooyoung and I barely managed to escape and when we opened our eyes, we were tied to chairs.”

“You were tied? Alone? Is he okay?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “They should have tied my legs better- I walked around with the chair tied to me until I found someone and they helped us.”

“I can’t believe I missed that sight,” you exhaled in disappointment and he shook his head. 

“You should have seen yourself. I thought they killed you or something. What happened after?”

“Well… I woke up in a new world, Yunho. All futuristic with savvy tech and whatnot. It didn’t look like home. I was alone in a luxurious apartment that wasn’t mine, with a set of instructions to follow. Once I got to the office, I learned that all of us who were present had something to do with the Eden Droid Project- or something to contribute. There were coders, engineers, doctors, literally everyone they could find. We couldn’t ask questions, we weren’t allowed to talk other than for work, and we were watched like hawks. We were made to believe that only we were the ones awake while the rest of the world was on pause. Honestly, if there weren’t people like us there, it would have been so much more difficult.”

“Was there someone you knew there?”

“Dr. Seo. Dr. Jin. The big brains behind the Eden Droid Project- you remember them, right?”

“By faces, yes,” he asked you to hand his water bottle and drank a few sips while he drove on the highway. “So… what next?”

“My team- we were all tasked to work together to fix the droids. The droids that I programmed and the codes that Dr. Jin took forcefully from me when we were his interns.”

“He should have waited until we had perfected them,” Yunho scoffed and you mirrored that. 

“So it’s all starting to feel normal, a month passes. I realise I need to somehow run away and expose what they’re doing, but I have literally no idea what my location is and there’s no one to trust. And to make things worse, they have this brilliant idea to assign Jongho to me. They turned him into a droid, Yunho.”

“Oh… crap,” Yunho glanced at you. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” you pursed your lips. “They decided that I needed to monitor a droid closely and figure out what was interfering with his droid mechanisms. They knew who he was and what he meant to me. They must have had a good laugh seeing me pretend I didn’t know him.

“Anyways, he’s not functioning properly as a droid- seeing me triggers him into remembering whatever memories they’ve locked away inside his brain. I can see that he’s suffering, yet I can do nothing about it, even when he tells me to help. I trust the first person who acted like he cared- Mr. Han, my team’s supervisor. He does help me escape but…”

“But it’s all a part of their plan.”

“Bingo,” you sighed. “I run away with his help, take Jongho far away from all of this, block every tracker and finally get Jongho to feel human long enough to speak- and he tells me what this- all of this was a part of their plan. This was like a simulation for me- I was a player in their game and they waited until I won- or thought so. That’s when they got their answer to the question- what was making droids not act like humans?”

“What?”

“The link between their subconscious brain and muscle memory, Yunho. That’s been the key this whole time.”

“Oh. Oh!” Yunho almost stopped his car in excitement. “How did we miss that?”

“There’s a reason they got Jongho to be a player too,” you shook your head. “Did you find any signs of him?”

“Not yet, but I will continue my search tonight,” Yunho said. “Why did they let you go, though?”

“I don’t know,” you sank down in your seat, hugging yourself. “I woke up back in my house and they made it look like I had been there all this time. But… strangely, only I remembered Jongho. They locked away everyone’s memories, wiped any physical signs of him- whatever they could find. Cookie forgot who Jongho was too- she still doesn’t remember but she believes me thanks to the note I gave her before I ran away two years ago.”

“If they knew where you lived during that span of two years, they would have made it look like you were there all along. That might have been more believable for you, and could have worked- but maybe not. Wooyoung and I would have found you anyway.”

“Does he still blame me for what happened two years ago?”

You, Wooyoung and Yunho were teammates in the initial days of the Eden Droid Project. You were their supervisor and leading the project, and Wooyoung always had qualms about what you all did- rightfully so. When everything went wrong, you had an argument and a falling out with him. Yunho tried for a long time to get you two to talk to each other but without success so he let you two be. You and Wooyoung did often share your files as you all were working to expose the project but that was it. 

“He’s forgiven you. He forgave you long ago- he was just being stubborn,” Yunho chuckled. “When he learned you were taken, he’s the one who tried the hardest to find you. Harder than me too.”

“God, he’s so dramatic,” you chuckled. “Do I get to meet him now?”

“Oh, yes,” Yunho grinned. “He’s waiting for you- party hat and all.”

“No way.”

He was. Party hat and all. You couldn’t believe how much he changed- his hair was longer, he looked more mature, but he still had those fierce eyes and lovely smile. He greeted you with a glare but as soon as your smile fell, he laughed and you finally joined, smacking the hat on his head before hugging him.

“I’m just glad to see you’re unscratched- oh, that looks painful.”

“Glad to see you’re in good spirits too,” you touched your temple- the bruise didn’t hurt anymore but it was an ugly shade of green now. “What did I miss?”

“What did we miss?” Wooyoung turned to get the tofu lying on the table.

“Yep- that certainly was no less than a prison,” you laughed, your stomach growling at the sight of the variety of food on the table. “Can we talk while we eat?”

And so, you briefed them of your ‘prison time’ again, connecting the dots with their help- they intended only to get you from the beginning because only you could have solved that mystery of why the droids acted so much like humans- the link between their subconscious memories and muscle memory was too strong. You could lock away a person’s memory, sure, but the subconscious was something you hadn’t messed with yet, and never intended to either. The reason the people of that project could manipulate memories was because of your team too.

When the three of you were interns in the Droid Project, they had told you to code for machines, not humans. That was how you began. Artificial intelligence was nothing new, you were just aiming to take it to the next level. When they told you that you needed to start coding to make droids, they talked about a better world- a world where soldiers could be able to fight better to defend their land. A world where a doctor could hold an insurmountable amount of knowledge and skills. A world where a patient wouldn’t have to feel all of the pain he would be in. A world where, they mused, you could cook anything you like for yourself without having to go through the trouble of thinking if you were capable. It wasn’t such a bad idea to code for that world.

But it was Wooyoung who accidentally heard what the real deal was. And when he told you both, you hacked into several databases to find out what they really intended to do with droids- and oh, the revelation was startling enough to make you all cry. You couldn’t believe that they used teens to make the blueprint for a world where the Elites- the people of power- would be controlling the droids to make the rest of the world submit to them. This world wasn’t their playground, and they shouldn’t play gods- with that message, the three of you ran away.

And now you were here with the consequences of your actions, with no idea if Jongho was okay. You couldn’t sleep for the past two days and when Wooyoung saw you zoning out in front of the fire in the backyard instead of being in bed, he decided to share a beer with you.

“You look like you have an idea but you’re worried how it will play out,” he observed.

“I mean…” you wrapped your shawl tighter around you. “It can’t get any worse, can it?”

“If they still think you’re back at your home, you might have a chance. They’ll be unsuspecting- we just need to hack into their system and get the Panel to listen.”

The Panel being a group of coders and developers who were, at one point, part of the Droid Project but left just like you. Yunho told you that ever since you were taken, they had been quick with contacting world leaders and giving them a sign that something dark was unravelling right under their noses. He didn’t tell you the identity of those people and you didn’t ask- you trusted him enough to take the right steps. He also told you that they were trying to find a way to get Eden’s military to side with them, but there was no guarantee that the military and the government weren’t already working together so if you made a mistake, you’d be doomed.

“We can’t simply sit and try to hack into their system, Wooyoung, while they have Jongho and several other people suffering with chips inside of them. I’ve seen their experimentations fail and lives lost. I cried myself to sleep everyday and the only reason I’m still sane is because I need to put an end to this as soon as possible-”

“Well, you’re not alone,” Wooyoung told you and you took a deep breath. “We’re here. We’re helping you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

“I do have one idea, but I’m not sure you will agree.”

“If it’s something stupid and you think we won’t agree? You’re probably right and I won’t hear a word about it-”

“About what?” Yunho came outside with his own can of beer. “Was gaming and going to sleep but I heard the chatter.”

“You really should touch the grass once in a while,” you teased. “You can’t spend all your free time in front of screens too.”

“Whatever,” he plopped down on a chair. “Continue, please. Don’t stop on my account.”

“Okay, listen,” you leaned forward, the orange hues of the fire illuminating your face as you spoke. “I need to go and get Jongho back- you both know I can’t simply sit and wait for our hacking attempts to be successful. If they could be hacked, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Right,” Yunho agreed.

“When they found Jongho and me, when we ran away, Jongho gave me a short message- two words. ‘Yunho’ and ‘Strictland’. Strictland must be the name of the town they’ve made home at. What do you know about Strictland?”

“Did he… did he tell you to find me and say Strictland?” Yunho frowned. “Are you sure?”

Wooyoung looked as lost as you and you told him you were sure. You watched Yunho’s expressions change from confusion to realisation. “Do you remember when we first found out about the Droid Project, I talked about how this couldn’t have been the first time that humans have tried to create droids?”

“Maybe?” You shrugged.

“I don’t remember, I don’t think so,” Wooyoung admitted.

“Well, the term ‘droid’ only originated recently. There have been other terms used to define the concept of a human machine- and since, at first, the only reason for such a creation would be to fight wars. So they were called super assassins, X-fighters, and a bunch of other stupid terms. Whenever I tried finding more about their history, I got blocked. I even got a few warnings. I thought it must be some confidential information- it would make sense if the general public doesn’t know that such attempts have been made. But… I did find something that suggested that they did succeed once.”

“They did?” Wooyoung looked at you in disbelief. “Wasn’t this supposed to be the first time?”

“I wouldn’t know? They sure make me feel like I’m the one who came up with this. I know I’m not, but I didn’t think that far back into the past?”

“The current droids, you came up with that,” Yunho corrected. “But whatever version- or versions- existed before… there have been occurrences. One that began in Strictland a few decades ago but there’s no evidence. It is said that everything related to that project was burned, all the evidence erased. It was quite a disaster and they covered it up with a few bombs thrown to call it a ‘terrorist’ attack- the military got involved and there was a major clean-up or something. But the facts never matched, and those who dug enough know that the government has been hiding the real incident.”

“And how did Jongho know?”

“Maybe he heard things? He definitely did. And if he heard my name too… they might be coming after me next,” Yunho concluded.

“Well, that just means I have to proceed with my plan.”

“What plan exactly is that?”

You told them what you were thinking. There was a series of ‘no’ from Wooyoung, ‘absolutely not’ from Yunho, but you made them consider every other option and when the sun started to shine its first rays on the trees, you all agreed that this might be risky, yes, but this was probably the only way you could win.

Fight fire with fire.

—---------------------------------

“You must have finally gone insane.”

You lightly shrugged when you heard that- it was rich coming from Dr. Jin when he was the one who pushed you to this point.

“I mean… it’s been a while…” your finger circled the dramatic red button, itching to press it- Wooyoung’s idea. You told him it was stupid but when he insisted that nothing riles people up than seeing big red warnings, you let him craft this goodness. 

“What do you want, y/n? Why are you here?”

“I thought you’d know,” you finally stood up, brushing your clothes. “You still have something I can’t go back without.”

“Oh, that stupid droid? You came back for that?”

“That is a human very close to me, which you must have known when you decided to turn him into a droid,” you glared at him. “Don’t test my limits, Dr. Jin. You know how short a temper I have.”

And you had proven that in the span of the last few hours. Your genius plan had been to walk to their office in Strictland, which was relatively easy because all the soldiers recognised you and whenever they tried to move from their places, you told them the purpose of the device in your hand. Not a bomb, but better, you told them. You had one of the soldiers drive you to the office and then you sat down on the ground, waiting for Dr. Jin to show up.

In the meantime, you had a messy confrontation with Mr. Han. You told him you had not expected him to cooperate with any of this but he insisted that he was still following orders to keep his family safe. Though you despised him for making a fool out of you, not even giving you a hint of what was happening, you could understand his reasons. Your reasons were the same after all.

“He’s my family, and I would have you bring him to me right this instant.”

“Or what?”

“Or else I press this,” you raised the remote in your hand. “And it sets off a chain reaction. A droid self-destructs– for real this time, no games,” you looked pointedly at Mr. Han. “and if there’s a droid within a 2 mile radius of that droid, it self-destructs, and so on.”

“All we need to do is snatch it from you,” Dr. Jin scoffed.

“Well, unluckily for you, I’m the droid that will be setting off that chain reaction.”

A chorus of gasps sounded and your seniors- the one who had once been your mentors- all gaped at you. Dumbfounded. Confused.

“You wouldn’t,” it was Dr. Seo that spoke. Your first mentor.

“I would, and you know that,” you extended your wrist showing a small opening where the chip was installed. “Do you remember this version of the droids, where you would still be more human than a machine? The one Dr. Jin was so quick to reject? Turns out it’s the better version- doesn’t require all the surgeries and whatnot.”

“That’s a bluff, isn’t it?” Dr. Jin scoffed. “You wouldn’t kill yourself over some droid.”

“Again, that droid is my family, and yes, I would kill myself if that means everyone here in Strictland dies and this cursed project comes to an end,” you glared at him. “To save humanity, a few lives sacrificed won’t be in vain- oh, and if you try to snatch this?” You waved the device in your hand. “This was just for the dramatics. It doesn’t work- I don’t need it to activate self-destruction.”

Dr. Jin’s nostrils flared in anger, the wrinkles on his face deepening as he tried to make a decision. “Any chance for negotiations? Because I won’t simply hand over Jongho to you- you couldn’t hack into him and deactivate his droid functions. We clearly have the upper hand.”

“You do,” you admitted. “And you can continue with whatever the fuck you’re doing in here, but I can do something for you and you can do something for me in return, right?”

“What do you suggest?” Dr. Seo spoke this time. “What can you give us?”

“What you clearly want. I know you haven’t found a way to solve that muscle memory problem yet.”

“But given more time, we could definitely do it,” Dr. Seo shifted on one leg, pushing his glasses up. “Why would we need you for that?”

“Because I’m pretty sure you can’t do this without me- I’m the only programmer in Eden who can accomplish this,” your smirk was devilish. “You needed me when you began this project, and you clearly need me now. It’s a shame I didn’t cooperate, right? Maybe if you hadn’t used Jongho to rile me up, I would have actually solved the problem.”

“But you didn’t know what the problem was in the first place,” Dr. Seo said.

“I didn’t, but come on. I would have found out with any droid had I observed it as closely as I did Jongho. Now… I code to make the link between muscle memory and the subconscious dormant, and you uninstall the chip in Jongho and let me leave in peace. Do we have a deal?”

“What’s the guarantee you won’t try anything once you have Jongho?”

“None,” you admitted. “But if you trust me, I’ll trust you. For old time’s sake? And you know where my family lives anyway- I wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything.”

Dr. Jin and Dr. Seo looked at each other, whispering. Mr. Han looked like he wished he was beside you at that moment fighting with you, not fighting against you. You gulped down the anxiety bubbling in your throat- you had bluffed a whole lot just now but you needed them to buy it. Yes, you could self-destruct but there was no way you would simply just go back.

“Alright, I think we can work with that,” Dr. Seo came closer, extending his hand. “For old time’s sake.”

“You should apologise for playing dirty,” you shook his hand but he only scoffed in response. 

“You’ll have to follow some rules here. Protocol,” Dr. Seo explained and you cooperated this time, letting them scan your body for potential threats and then asking for access to your code. You let them see it- Dr. Seo had made this version with you so when he seemed satisfied save for the self-destruct file that you didn’t allow him to access, he decided to let it be for the moment.

“I have a condition too,” you told him. “I’ll work on uninstalling Jongho’s chip first. Once he’s human, I’ll play my part.”

“Okay- I’ll have a programmer work with you.”

Thus initiated the second part of your plan. You had successfully gained access inside their building and so far, their actions had been very predictable. Wooyoung was right about them asking to read your code too. The self-destruct wasn’t a bluff but you had hidden the real code elsewhere because you just knew Dr. Seo would attempt to replicate it if he got one look at it. You were pretty sure he had gone to note down what little he saw.

What he missed, though, while worrying about the new code was that you did not have one but two chips, side by side, inside your wrist. The other, a tiny thing, attached to the main chip. You finally pressed on your wrist to turn it on.

Surveillance through your eyes. The simplest, most basic droid function, installed in each droid as well as you. But you were reporting back to your server- to Yunho and Wooyoung, who were right at the outskirts of the town, who must have detected your signal by now and would be transmitting the live coverage to the Panel. The Panel, where different world leaders, scientists, human rights workers and other brilliant people were present, the group bigger than ever, waiting to see what you would show them.

And the first sight they saw- oh goodness. Rows and rows of humans strapped on to the stretchers lit by a light so bright that they looked blue. One of them was being brought to you- you were pretty sure your whimper was heard by everyone in the Panel.

Jongho did not look good. The signs of his struggle were quite visible on his bare upper body- a big, ugly bruise on the left side of his stomach, a long slash running down his right arm, a twin bruise like yours on his temple. You were never going to forgive these people. 

With newfound fierce determination, you nodded to the person you were to work with- a woman who looked to be in her late thirties with her stern face and slicked back hair. Without saying a word, Jongho was plugged to the screen and his code files secured with multiple passwords were accessed. Then the two of you started working side by side to end every running code in his chip. It must have taken only an hour and then you were done.

“We’ll take him to surgery. You can access whatever you need here while we take the chip out of him.”

“No thanks, I’ll take whatever laptop you have and work from there. He needs to be in front of my eyes.”

“I’ll get back to you,” she said and moved to a corner to convey your message. After getting confirmation, she allowed you to follow her to the medical section of the office. The lights started to dim the further you walked down the hallway, almost to the extent that you thought they were going to surprise you with something unexpected, but a turn to the right and you were suddenly in a familiar setting of a hospital. You were glad it looked normal- all the neon lights used in the offices had rooted some trauma in you for sure.

Unsurprisingly, the waiting room was equipped with all sorts of necessities you would need. The woman simply turned on the systems and plugged in the USBs before instructing you to wait for Dr. Seo. You rolled your eyes- nothing you could do about that, so you resorted to monitoring Jongho, trying to quell the seed of hope in your heart. 

Jongho would be okay. You would make sure of that.

The process of installing the chips in humans was something you had seen a lot- however, uninstalling the chip was rare. You tried not to recall the time when you first tried to save a person- it had backfired and induced a seizure. While you had worked with a lot of programmers to make sure something like that wouldn’t happen again, the people here kept insisting they didn’t need you to work on this because they thought there wouldn’t be a time when they would have to turn droids back into humans. But you were grateful that you and your team had been stubborn enough to at least make it a little better. 

Now it was up to Jongho and his willpower to make it out of there with full health. You weren’t sure what you would do if something happened to him.

While monitoring Jongho, you started working on the one problem that had doomed your life- the link between subconscious and muscle memory. You had Dr. Seo working with you from his office- it was no surprise that he was monitoring your progress and making contributions considering he was one of the brains behind this project and had a lot of medical knowledge to contribute from the years he worked as a neurosurgeon before he started learning programming. 

But since he was watching, that meant you had to do this properly- and you would. You understood that coming here to save Jongho meant you would have to share the knowledge that could change the power dynamics of this world. You could only pray that the Panel would make sure that these people would never get to put your theory into practice, because you couldn’t imagine a world where humans would be programmed to lose the very essence that made them human to fight for people that could only be called monsters. And you prayed your wildcard- getting the military involved- would work.

It had to be the longest three hours of your life. By the time Jongho was out of surgery, his vitals normal, you were almost done but your hands were trembling uncontrollably, your sniffs were getting louder as you tried to control the sobs that threatened to leave your body, because-

You did it. Jongho was okay, Jongho was okay. 

And you may have just doomed all of humanity with your code. You were pretty sure Dr. Seo might be testing your code on some unfortunate human right now. You should have gone with him- but you couldn’t leave Jongho. He needed to be in front of your eyes. You wished you had some means of contacting Yunho and Wooyoung right now- all they needed to do was tell you that you did well and you would be fine. But you didn’t have the means to hear their reassurance so you had to settle for the hope that the Panel was proceeding with the final part of the plan.

A military raid. Eden’s military against the New Government’s soldiers. Eden had never been so divided. 

A notification popped up on your laptop and Dr. Seo confirmed the validity of the code so far and asked you to wrap it up. You took a deep breath.

The last step. The final step you had to take in order to destroy the foundations of the Eden Droid Project, once and for all. 

You told him to give you a minute- you needed to check if Jongho was okay. With that excuse, you got up and went inside the ward to check on your unconscious friend. The surgery wasn’t anything big, no. It was just like removing a piece of shrapnel from your body, the chip relying on signals to send to the neurons. You just had to make sure that Jongho’s body hadn’t adapted to the chip’s presence so much that it couldn’t function without it anymore.

You wiped your face with your sleeves before clutching Jongho’s hand- you needed his strength, every bit of it. With your other hand, you combed his hair so it wouldn’t fall on his eyes. Jongho stirred in his sleep and you whispered his name. He subconsciously squeezed your hand before his eyes fluttered open. He wasn’t surprised- seeing you wake him up was nothing new, though it had been quite a while. He looked around to get his bearings-

“Oh, goodness, what are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too,” you laughed, wiping your eyes again. “How are you feeling? Can you move? Is your vision okay?”

“Never been better,” Jongho groaned as he sat up, exhaling. “I feel tired. That’s new.”

“That means you’re human,” you smiled.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re no longer a droid, Jongho,” you told him, for once pleased with your work. “You’re okay now.”

“But where are we?”

“Still there,” you let go of his hand to squeeze his shoulder, letting it trail down his bicep which was when you started tapping. “You’ll go home soon, I promise.”

“And you?” He asked, “Won’t you come too?”

“I’ll be right behind,” you kissed his forehead, having finished tapping your message on his skin. Jongho squeezed your hand in warning but you shook your head. “I have to wrap things up here, but I promise I’ll be home soon.”

“We go together, or we don’t go at all.”

“Jongho-”

“I won’t leave you behind, not this time,” he shook his head fiercely. “I know you’re strong. But we’ve always worked better together, haven’t we?”

“You’re still recovering though.”

Jongho called your name in warning and you caved in. You told him to make sure to follow your instructions and you made a request to Dr. Seo that you wanted to be there to witness the end of this. Dr. Seo sent an escort who accompanied the two of you to a lab where he was indeed working on an unfortunate young man just like you had suspected. Dr. Seo cast a wary look at Jongho before turning to you.

“You’ve worked brilliantly so far, Miss Jeon. Shall we begin?”

You nodded and asked Jongho to take a seat. You first went to check the man’s vitals, taking note of his label - CS, 005. “He’s one of the first few, isn’t he?”

“He is,” Dr. Seo confirmed, setting up your station. “A volunteer, though he didn’t quite know what he was getting into at that time.”

“Right,” you muttered, swallowing the distaste his words brought. “I’ll start now.”

Feeling sorry for the man who was about to lose the last shreds of humanity in him, perhaps forever, you started typing the codes, Dr. Seo watching from his screen across you. There were just a few lines of command left to type and you cast a quick glance at Jongho who passed a subtle nod. 

He was ready. And so were you. 

You had tapped a message to Jongho- Cookie’s play. A joke that ran in both your families of how Cookie would pretend to be sick whenever she wanted to have her way or skip school. And he was going to do just that. 

Jongho groaned loudly in pain, clutching his head, causing Dr. Seo to stop what he was doing and frown at him in confusion while you asked Jongho if everything was okay, your fingers typing a series of codes that were going to be your salvation now. Jongho fell on his knees and you, feigning panic, got up along with Dr. Seo who was genuinely worried for Jongho’s wellbeing since you had made sure that you weren’t going to give them anything if he wouldn’t make it out alive. You started walking across the room to where Jongho was, the droid CS on your way and you paused just a fraction of a second to slip your chip- the small chip they had missed during inspection- in the port on his back from where he was plugged to the system. 

You rushed to Jongho and asked him if he was okay- he continued to act like his head was going to burst open with pain and just when Dr. Seo took out his phone to call someone, Jongho pounced on him, tackling him to the ground and placing a hand over his mouth. You didn’t wait to see who would win as they started clawing at each other- you ran back to your station to your laptop, glancing once at Dr. Seo’s panicked face before pressing enter and enabling the ‘run’ function.

The guards outside must have heard some commotion and one of them peeked in to check but it was too late- thanks to Dr. Seo being impatient and sceptical, testing your code after every few minutes, it only took a handful of seconds for the code to stop running itself which was when the droid opened its eyes. Dr. Seo finally managed to land a punch on Jongho and get him to let go of him. He rushed towards you but before he could stop the guards, one of them yelled ‘freeze!’ and you raised your hands-

Unplugging the droid in the process.

“What have you done-” Dr. Seo reached for his screen to read the code, consumed by confusion and panic as he read the last lines which must be making no sense to him now-

Because the original code was also in that mini chip you had sneaked in. If this went well, you would owe Yunho your life- and Jongho’s.

“CS, 005, what’s your status?” You whispered just so the droid could hear. 

“Okay,” he confirmed.

“Then get up and protect us from the threat.”

You thought you saw the slightest hint of a smirk on the droid’s face and before you could ponder over it, he rose to full glory, straightening and cracking his neck before asking you to take cover. 

What you saw next was something you were sure you would never forget. There was no way this person wasn’t a skilled fighter before he became a droid because he dodged each bullet with expertise and kicked the gun out of the guard’s hand, catching it mid-air and pointing it at Dr. Seo, creeping towards him and holding him at gunpoint.

“Down on your knees, now,” he commanded and the guard obeyed instantly, backup arriving too late. Nothing they could do now- the Head Coder of this project could lose his life if someone made a wrong move.

“How,” Dr. Seo muttered when he spotted you from the corner of his eye. “I saw the code- there was nothing.”

“It’s just like what you did with Jongho and the other droids,” you finally let out the laugh you had been holding. “I am the master now, and my wish is his command. Isn’t that right, CS?”

He nodded in response and Jongho whistled, thoroughly impressed by you. You took out Dr. Seo’s phone from his pocket, unlocked it and called Dr. Jin.

“Is it done?”

“Uh, you might want to come here, Dr. Jin,” you said innocently. “We may have an emergency.”

You hung up before he could respond and Mr. Han came bursting into the room, freezing when he saw just what was going on.

“Uh, I was going to inform you that there’s been a military raid but it looks like it was planned…”

“Maybe,” you shrugged but you couldn’t keep in the sigh of relief- all hope was not lost after all. The military was on with you in this one- looks like the Panel had played their part well.

Mr. Han, to your surprise, was smiling in satisfaction. “Is it going to be over soon?”

“For you lot, yes,” you narrowed your eyes. “You don’t look too mad about it.”

“I’m not,” he smiled and you tried to figure out just what he was thinking but Dr. Jin appeared, fuming. The old man looked like he was going to have a stroke any second.

“Stand. Down.” He commanded. “Or you’ll face the worst consequences, Miss Jeon.”

“Like what?” You cocked your head. “I could have this droid blow your favourite coder’s brains out, right here. I don’t think it can get worse than that-”

Dr. Jin’s phone rang and when he frowned at his screen, you finally let the little ray of hope you had been harbouring in your heart consume you. Dr. Jin picked up the call and you watched all the blood drain from his face. 

“Ah… It can get worse,” you finally grinned, looking at Jongho who appeared a little lost but squeezed your hand in assurance anyway. “CS, you will continue to hold Dr. Seo as leverage until I give you the signal. Dr. Jin… I think it’s time you sit down and accept your defeat.”

Dr. Jin scoffed and attempted to leave the room but you shared one look with the droid and he knew what to do- with impeccable aim, he fired the gun in his direction, hitting right in the middle of his calf. His painful yell echoed throughout the vicinity and some of the guards pointed the gun in your direction instinctively while some rushed to help the man. You ignored Dr. Seo’s series of curses aimed at you amidst the chaos. Soon, a man in Eden’s staple blue military uniform walked in followed by a group of soldiers, ordering them to start arresting everyone in the building- and to your surprise, he nodded at you. CS finally let go of Dr. Seo only for him to be handcuffed and escorted outside.

“Thank you for coming,” you said as a greeting to Eden’s Military Commander- everyone in the room must have recognised him seeing how they were so willingly cooperating now. “I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“It took me quite some convincing to come, but seeing what’s going on here,” the tall man looked around, “I think it was necessary. If you could be so kind as to guide me through the appropriate measures to be taken regarding the droids?”

“Yes- can you make sure Mr. Choi is escorted safely outside first? He might require some medical attention-”

“Y/n-”

“It’s okay, Jongho,” you assured with a smile. “It’s going to take me a while here, but I’ll be with Yunho and Wooyoung. I’ll be okay.”

Jongho looked at the Commander for permission and he nodded, letting him take you to a side for a little privacy. “I’m anxious, y/n. I don’t want to leave you here-”

“I’m not alone, trust me,” you took both his hands in yours. “I need you to get out of here and get to Cookie, okay? She’s going to be worried sick- she knows everything now.”

“Really?” Jongho shook his head. “What about your parents? My parents- are they okay?”

“They’re all fine,” you told him. “They had a memory blocker but Yunho was going to take care of that before he came here. Everything will be normal when you go back.”

“Not normal. Not if you’re not there,” he said and you laughed at that.

“Jongho, I’m so thankful to you for a number of things. I’ll tell you all about it once we’re back, okay?” You promised. “But I need to take care of all the droids first. You know they can’t keep on living like this anymore. You know that better than anyone.”

Jongho nodded reluctantly and you continued. “You saved me today, Jongho. I’ll thank you for that now. And you need to be safe, at home with our families, so I can work peacefully here, okay? We’ll be in contact- here,” you went to grab a paper and pen to scribble your contact number. “You can call me whenever.”

“Alright,” he finally gave in, bringing you in for a hug and you gladly soaked in every bit of it. You needed that for what was next.

—--------------------------

“You’re burning the toasts, Wooyoung.”

“They need to be just the right amount of brown for this dish to come together,” Wooyoung tsk-ed at your ignorance and you scoffed, looking for someone to back you but apparently everyone’s new favourite sport was to gang up on you now.

“We get that you’ve not been in the kitchen for a while,” Jongho began. “But how did you survive living alone in Strictland?”

“Let me guess. Instant noodles and microwave food,” Cookie shook her head in disappointment when you pursed your lips guiltily. “Mom’s gonna have a stroke if she hears.”

“Shut up,” you muttered though your heart ached at the mention of your mother- two years of not knowing where her daughter was had really aged her. “And you’re laughing, Yunho. As if you’re one to say.”

“Still better than you,” he stuck out his tongue at you and before you could retort, you heard the door open.

“I’ve set everything, what’s taking so long?” San said, going to check on Wooyoung. “Now that looks good.”

“See?” Wooyoung turned to look at you. “Man’s got taste.”

“I think I was better off coding in my room, what say you, Cookie?” You turned to leave but Yunho grabbed your arm and swung you back to your spot, laughing along with Jongho. You noticed Cookie was too busy staring at San who was helping Wooyoung plate the last of the dishes now. You met Jongho’s eyes and you shook your heads- her crush on San was way too obvious. Yunho shook his head, amused, and you all decided to let her have her moment.

It had been about 3 months since the raid in Strictland and since then, you were working on wiping clean any signs of the Droid Project in the land. You, Yunho and Wooyoung had worked day and night for a whole month to turn the hundreds of droids back to normal and then it was the military’s job to get them back to where they belonged. Everyone had unanimously agreed that since you guys were the brains behind this, it was your decision if you wanted to keep the data or delete everything permanently. One look at Yunho and it was decided- you were going to burn everything related to the project. It had almost caused the world to lose its humanity. There should be no signs of it anymore.

Everyone who was a part of the Eden Droid Project was tried in court and imprisoned with heavy sentences of treason, especially those who had collaborated with people from other nations and risked their homeland’s security. These included everyone who willingly cooperated- testimonies were heard, yes, but they didn’t prove to be much valuable. All the military needed was a background check of their activities which attested to their willingness- people like you who had left the project in its early stages and suddenly found themselves back were let go of with non-disclosure agreements. Some were put on probation but it turned out good.

What surprised you was when you were called as a witness for Mr. Han’s testimony. He revealed that he had purposely not blocked your memories of Jongho so you would quickly realise what was going on and do something about this project. Since he had always been a part of this project, it was hard to believe that he had contributed to the downfall of this project but you had to agree- if it weren’t for him, things would have been much, much different. He got the lightest sentence among those who willingly participated in this project and he was grateful that you came on his behalf. You figured you couldn’t be mad at him for too long- he probably did what he did for his family too.

The Panel was sure to not let a whisper of this project out- everything was hushed and treaties were signed. You met with a few of the members who commended your efforts but you didn’t take any credit. You did what you had to. You only asked for one favour- to let you and your friends be. You were never going to play with the idea of droids again- this was enough. You were simply going to work on the last droid- CS- from ‘the headquarters’ which was Yunho and Wooyoung’s home. The Panel agreed- they knew better than to get on your wrong side. If the world came to hear about what happened in Strictland, the establishments would collapse. 

As for San, your new friend… he was CS- the droid. The person you felt the most sorry for. The person you had apologised to at least a hundred times in a span of the past few months because it took you the longest to get his droid functions to hibernate, and once he became somewhat human?

You recalled the look in his eyes that absolutely shattered you- the look of guilt and horror. It was very messy at first, countless arguments as you tried to convince him that you were not a monster (but weren’t you? You created the droids, after all) and that you were so sorry for using him as a weapon and as a shield, and you were sorry for what he had to go through all this time. Sometimes, it looked like you two were getting along but then one night, you had your worst argument- screaming and yelling, tears and anger. Yunho and Wooyoung had been out and they chose the worst (arguable) timing to come back home- with Cookie and Jongho. 

And how Cookie defended you. When she heard the yells, she stormed inside and hugged you and you sobbed into her chest while she sent daggers in the stranger’s direction. And then what she said afterwards was how you got here- to being a group of tightly knit friends.

“My sister has been used, manipulated, held hostage in a simulation and made to code you droids with the threat of her family hanging on her head. She went back to sacrifice herself and everyone including you if that meant the world could be a safer place for the rest of us, so don’t you dare call her a monster. If it weren’t for her, you would have been their first killing machine, do you understand? You should be thanking her for trying to save you- she’s still a fucking droid and refuses to feel tired or sleep until you can!”

“Cookie!” You scolded. “Language!”

“I’m almost 18 now, I’m not a kid anymore,” she glared at you and you felt that stab, having missed two of the most important years of her life. She went back to glaring at San who looked… starstruck? “She didn’t see her family and her boyfriend in 2 years because she was afraid she’d hurt us. Don’t you call her a monster ever again.”

Now? Now you smiled proudly whenever you thought of that night. After Cookie’s outburst, everyone was too surprised to say anything and it was Wooyoung who tried to cut the tension in the air by asking Cookie to take you to his room. Jongho stood gaping at the little kid he had practically raised, muttering, “I did not raise her like this but damn.” And he was right. The boys had a good laugh and San slept over it and realised he may have been acting like an idiot. 

And that idiot was clearly very curious about Cookie, you realised when he opened his birthday present for her to reveal a lilac cardigan- Cookie had very casually pointed at someone’s cardigan in the street calling it cute. You did not expect San to be so observant. 

“Oh, this is lovely,” Cookie ran a hand over the cardigan’s soft fabric. “The colour- I love it, San.”

“Stop shooting daggers at San,” Jongho, who was sitting next to you, whispered, poking your stomach and you swatted his hand away.

“I can’t help it,” you whispered back, eyes still locked in San’s direction. “He’s getting way too chummy with her lately. I don’t approve.”

“You literally told San you love him like, two days ago,” Jongho pointed out and you glared at him.

“That’s because he got me my favourite brownie when I had been working all night long,” you said as if that warranted your admission of love for him. “As a polite servant should. His master is losing sleep trying to get his droidy senses back to human.”

“This droid still possesses his super hearing,” San whispered just for you to hear- you possessed that too. “So maybe shut up.”

“Stop looking at Cookie like that and I’ll shut up,” you countered and Jongho laughed out loud, having put two and two together from what he heard you whisper to San. “Don’t make me activate the master-servant dynamics back.”

“Oh, stop that,” Cookie glared at the two of you and you both immediately pretended to be normal, smiling at her. “Please get along for once. It’s my birthday. Where’s your gift, sis?”

“Uhh,” you looked around, digging in your pocket, “Here.”

A finger-heart. Cookie groaned loudly and everyone laughed as you ran for your life when she got up from her chair. “It’s on the way!” You yelled. “I forgot to order it on time!”

“It better be good or else I’ll have San droid-handle you!”

You stopped running, coincidentally finding yourself behind San’s chair. “You wouldn’t. She wouldn’t, right?”

“Your wish is not my command but her wish,” San pointed at Cookie before looking at you with that smirk you wished to wipe off his face, “very well might be.”

“Oh, I’m going back to code,” you started and San laughed, grabbing your hand before you could go inside and apologising like a true gentleman (he was actually a gentleman, you found). Wooyoung complained that the food was going to get cold if you all kept joking around and you finally gave in, settling between San and Jongho and digging into the feast.

It was heartwarming to have all of them together like this, after everything that you went through. You had never felt more content in your life, and it showed, even though you hadn’t reached the finish line yet. You still had to turn San and yourself back to normal- you had been far too busy erasing all evidence of the Droid Project to worry about yourself. As for San, it was a sensitive line to tread on. You did not want to hasten it and he understood- he was just glad that his droid functions could be controlled at his will. He was content too, having reunited with his family and found another here.

Jongho noticed you smiling to yourself as you walked back home from the convenience store- you had gone to get more drinks but you also volunteered because you wanted to take Jongho along with you. You barely had alone time with him ever since you came back so you made most of the stolen moments. 

“What’s going on in your head?” Jongho teased, elbowing you lightly.

“Nothing. I’m just happy,” you grinned. The simple truth- you were happy. “Wanna take a little break?” You pointed at the empty park with swings and Jongho led you inside, the two of you settling on the swings.

“How are your parents?” You asked Jongho. “Are they still confused about your disappearance?”

“They are, I mean… I told them I went to find you but you’re not back home yet. They wonder why sometimes.”

“When did you guys move?” You asked. “It’s a shame that we won’t be neighbours anymore.”

“I know,” Jongho sighed. “My grandmother was sick two years ago- they wanted to move closer so they could take better care of her. We still own that house so we haven’t ‘fully’ moved away’.”

“Oh, does that mean you can come by sometimes?” You asked but then you remembered. “You have college, though.”

“I could come stay there on the weekends if that means we can spend some time together,” he shrugged and you poked his thigh.

“Just like when your parents went on a trip and I would sneak out in the middle of the night so we could have sleepovers?”

“Good old times,” Jongho laughed. Now that you were getting a good look at him, you noticed how much he had changed in the years you had been gone. He was much broader now, the muscles peeking through his half-sleeve shirt more defined, and-

“You’re staring.”

“You got a haircut,” you said. “I like your hair a bit longer, I think.”

“I’m going to shave my head,” Jongho declared and you laughed loudly. Just like the old times. “This reminds me of the last time we were at a park. On the swings, just like this.”

While you had thanked Jongho for a lot of things ever since you came back- for taking care of Cookie while you were gone, for believing in you and not going out and beyond trying to find you, for making sure your parents knew you were safe wherever you were and this was something you needed to do, for not giving up when he got taken and turned into a droid, and for keeping you safe there… you were still struggling with words needed for an apology. Jongho told you time and time again that he didn’t need your apology, but that didn’t mean you felt less sorry.

“Do you consider it a bad memory?” You asked and Jongho shook his head.

“Never. I was a bit out of it when I learned that you were gone, but one night I came back to the park and recalled our conversation. I told you that you could trust me and you told me that you did. You assured me that you loved me and you knew that you weren’t alone-”

“Jongho-”

“Let me finish,” he smiled gently at you. “If you hadn’t told me all of that… I don’t know what I would have done. I was grateful that you had told me that. It meant that whatever you did was necessary.”

“God, how did I get so lucky?” You looked up at the sky, laughing to keep the sting in your eyes from getting worse. “I think I’ve used maximum luck. It can’t get any better than this.”

“Please,” Jongho smacked your arm, his ears going red and you giggled. Even after all these years, simple confessions like these made him fluster and it was the cutest thing. “I’m just telling you this so you can stop looking at me like you owe me a big fat apology. Not a good look at you, y/n. I like it better when you act like you’re the boss and can do whatever you want.”

“But I am sorry,” you told him and he looked pointedly at you but decided to accept it. Perhaps that would take the weight off your shoulders. “I should have told you more. That’s the only regret I had.”

“Oh, we’re fine anyway, aren’t we?” Jongho said. “We’re all back. Our gang has grown, Cookie is finally sharing drinks with you, we got a new friend-”

“Choi San,” you muttered. “I don’t know how you two get along so well. How all of you do. I think we’re still moments away from going full warrior-mode droid on each other.”

“Oh, that’s because you don’t like how chummy he and Cookie are,” Jongho laughed heartily. “Don’t let her find out. She’s gonna start rebelling.”

“Like, I know they can do whatever they want, I’m not against it at all. I’m probably wary because, well, I’m her sister. Of course I’m going to be. It’s just that… he looks at her the way you look at me. It’s unsettling.”

Jongho raised a brow. “Oh? And how do I look at you?”

“With those big eyes,” you grinned, and when his gaze got softer, you smacked his arm. “Stop!”

“Why?” Jongho pulled you closer, making you rock dangerously on the swing but he was quick to cage your legs between his so you wouldn’t fall over. “How do I look at you? Like I’m in love? Like you’re my everything?”

“You need a drink,” you told him, about to bend to pull one out of the grocery bag but Jongho grabbed your arm instead, making you look at him. “Stop, you’re making me shy!”

Jongho must have been in a dire need of drink because he wasn’t all for such romantic moments- but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a romantic. When he was in the mood, you often found it overwhelming simply because you couldn’t believe he could love you so much. He intertwined his hands with yours, caressing the scar on your wrist below which the chip was embedded. When he looked at you, your gaze was already stuck on his parted lips and he didn’t waste time drawing you in and meeting your lips in a heartfelt kiss. You let your arms travel around his neck mostly for support because you were still worried you would fall off the swing but Jongho had you secure, one hand on your waist and the other on your neck as he deepened the kiss.

It was perfect. It was quiet with only the sound of cicadas carried by the cool breeze, the faint sound of traffic almost dismissable. It was nostalgic and contained longing from all the time you spent apart, the time you lost and wished you could get back. But what made your heart content was that it was still the same. He was still the same, just like you had left him. He still kissed you like he couldn’t have been elsewhere. He still held you like he did the first time- with caution and care, making sure you felt safe. As you continued to kiss, he let go of that caution and let himself get comfortable too, the kiss turning passionate. It was only when you heard the sound of passersby- children- that you broke apart with a little laugh.

“Can we ditch going back to give them the drinks and continue?” You asked and Jongho laughed, kissing you for a few moments more before he let go with a sigh.

“You owe me two years worth of kisses,” Jongho said, getting up and helping you get up next. “You better make up for it.”

“Really?” You took him by surprise as you pulled him for another short kiss. “That’s one less for you now.”

“I’ll take another then,” Jongho kissed you back and when he drew apart, you two burst into a fit of giggles. “Let’s go back.”

The short walk back to the headquarters cut a few more kisses from what you owed him and when you set the drinks on the table, you found everyone looking pointedly at the two of you. “What?”

“What took you so long?” Yunho shook his head, opening the drinks and then pausing mid-air. “Actually… don’t answer that.”

“Oh?” San unintentionally quipped in, looking confused for a moment before he looked around and connected the dots. “Oh.”

“Ew,” Cookie said and everyone burst into laughter, making Jongho hide his face in a corner and you threw a packet of chips at Wooyoung who was laughing the loudest, who proved you wrong instantly by laughing even louder. You couldn’t help but join despite everyone ganging up to tease the two of you. You subconsciously touched your wrist, remembering that you were part droid right now but San caught that, sharing the sentiment-

That even though you were part droid, you had never felt more human. You had never felt more emotional, and perhaps, these moments that became a part of your subconscious had ultimately saved all of you. You made a silent prayer wishing everyone’s subconscious would be filled with such wholesome and happy moments. As long as you had this, you would be okay.

Elsewhere, at the outskirts of Strictland, a man dressed in all-black with a cap was standing anxiously waiting for someone. As soon as he saw a car approach, he clutched his briefcase tighter, worried his attempt at a negotiation would go wrong. The car halted a few feet away and a man in a suit accompanied by another of a much bigger stature drew closer.

“What have you got?”

“A few documents and one chip that I managed to hide before they found me,” the man adjusted his cap. “I have a trial scheduled this week so I thought I’d get this done.”

“And everything is here, in this briefcase?” the man in the suit asked and got a nod. He signalled . “Thank you. Your job here is done.”

Before the man could ask what was next, the one standing in the shadows pulled out a gun and shot that man in the forehead before he could blink. The man in the suit wiped his suit mockingly.

“Get rid of him, and make it quick. We’ve got work to do.”

#FINALLY. #jongho x reader #jongho angst #jongho fluff #choi jongho #choi jongho x reader #jongho #choi jongho fluff #choi jongho angst #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez au #ateez ff #ateez fanfic

[bro-atz]

star-crossed lovers [trope — jongho]

inspired by: k.will - please don't — music video + kabhi alvida naa kehna — bollywood movie

word count: 3.4k

content: angst, smut, infidelity, neglect(?), unfaithful marriage, bedroom sex, jongho is the other guy, unplanned pregnancy, completely consensual (sex)!

author's note: ...i can already feel the pt. 2 requests coming in. also, just remember that condoms don't always work in preventing pregnancies, but keep practicing safe sex!

trope masterlist

You were having second thoughts. You loved the man you were to wed, but you still weren’t sure if it was the right move for you. Logically, it made sense to marry him. He loved you, you loved him, your families got along… There were other things on the list, but your brain kept stopping there.

Okay, when he got down on one knee and proposed to you, that’s when things changed. You thought your proposal would be more heart fluttering— and he did his best to make it as romantic as possible, but your heart was not in it. You agreed to marry him because it was the best thing to say in that situation, and other than you being not mentally prepared to marry him, there was no other reason to say no.

So, you married him. You pushed through those second thoughts of yours and just did it. You were happy. Yes, you were happy with the man by your side because you knew that he would always make sure you were happy.

The second thoughts returned as the two of you sat side by side on a couch in front of the photographer. You were taking pictures with your wedding guests, and you had the same smile plastered to your face in every picture because you were spacing out to the point where you were having an out of body experience.

“Y/N?”

You were still in your head when the person called your name, and it took a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder for you to return to reality. You looked to the source of the squeeze and saw a man you had never met before, yet you felt like you knew him from somewhere. He shot you a small smile and asked softly, “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah!” you responded, the fake smile plastered to your face once more. “I’m sorry… Who are you? Have we met before?”

“Oh, I’m Jongho,” the man responded. “I work with your husband. And, no, we’ve never met before.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jongho. I hope you continue to work well with my husband in the future.”

“I know I’ll work well, the question is will your husband?” he chuckled.

“I want to say I have full faith that he will, but considering how often he dashed out of work to meet me for dates, I doubt it,” you couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Honestly, who wouldn’t want to rush out of work? Especially when it’s to be with someone beautiful?”

Your heart fluttered. You were sure he was saying that in the way that people called the bride beautiful, but hearing that word out of his mouth had much more of an effect on you. You wanted to thank him, but the words were stuck in your throat. So, you bowed your head and hoped that he wouldn’t see the blush rise to your cheeks.

With another shoulder squeeze, Jongho stood right behind you and alongside a couple other people your husband worked with, and for that specific photograph, you had a genuine smile on your face.

That should’ve been the end of that. You never thought you’d meet him again, but fate has a funny way of working.

Your life was great. One year into your marriage, and everything was great. You had an amazing husband, an amazing house, an amazing career— everything was great; even the sex was great (even if he demolished your body every time you fucked). Yet, something was off. You couldn’t figure out what it was, but there was a little nagging feeling in the back of your head that never seemed to leave.

“Don’t forget, we’re hosting the dinner tonight,” your husband reminded you.

“How could I forget?” you mumbled, your anxiety already beginning to sky rocket. “This is the first party…”

“And it’ll go great,” he immediately reassured you. “I’ll come home early to help out, okay?”

“Alright.”

With a kiss on your cheek, your husband took off for work, and moments later, you did as well.

You could barely focus at work. You were nervous as hell for this dinner. Apparently during a work party one day, your husband and some of his work friends decided it would be nice to get together on a Friday night, and it was decided that you and your husband would host the very first one of these get-togethers.

By the time you got home, you were exhausted. Your husband said he would come home early to help, but he texted you saying that he was going to be late, that “Wooyoung fucked something up again” which meant he was stuck at the office until he fixed it.

You started preparing for the dinner when the doorbell rang, and when you answered the door you saw Jongho holding flowers and a bottle of champagne.

“Oh! Hi, Jongho,” you greeted, immediately recollecting his name from the time you met him at your wedding.

“Hi, Y/N. May I come in?”

“Of course!”

“San told me he was going to bring Wooyoung, Wooyoung’s fiancée, and Mingi after they fixed up the thing Wooyoung messed up,” Jongho explained.

“Was it really that bad?” you asked.

“Let’s just say if this doesn’t get fixed tonight, Wooyoung’s pretty much done.”

“Yikes… Okay, well, you’re still pretty early, so have a seat and get comfy—”

“No, Y/N, I came to help you. San said that he was going to help you, but he’s stuck at the office, I offered to come help.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Perhaps it was the way Jongho phrased it, but the way he was talking was as if he wanted to help rather than San asking him to help.

“Well, I don’t see why not,” you said with a smile and a shrug. “Wanna help me prep the vegetables?”

Just like that, time flew by. You didn’t realize that you and Jongho were in the kitchen for three hours— you were waiting for your husband and his coworkers for three hours— because you were so busy talking the whole time. He kept telling you stories about his past, and you were sucked into them because he was just so good at storytelling.

During dinner as well, you found yourself wanting to talk to Jongho more than your own husband. There was just something about him, something about his laugh, his smile, his energy— he was so different from your husband to the point where you almost found it refreshing, as if after one year of marriage somehow made your relationship go stale.

“You seemed to enjoy the dinner a lot tonight,” San commented as you got ready for bed.

“R-really? I hadn’t noticed,” you said, your nerves starting to prick at you for absolutely no reason.

“And you were so nervous about it too,” he laughed. “See, I told you it’ll go great, and it did. Thank God Jongho was there to help you otherwise I know you would’ve set the kitchen on fire.”

“Yes… Thank God,” you murmured. “We should thank him.”

You got into bed and got comfortable under the covers, and immediately, San’s arms reached out for you, and he brought you into a hug. He buried his nose in your hair and sighed deeply, happily. You thought you were going to be able to sleep that night peacefully, but San has other plans. You felt his waist roll into yours, a little grunt escaping the depths of his throat.

He wanted to have sex. You? Not so much, but when it came to sex, San was an unstoppable force. It wasn’t like he was forcing you, but rather you were trying to reciprocate and serve your purpose in this marriage.

This time, however, you were able to because all you could think about while your husband made love to you was Jongho.

You were grateful for these parties that your husband and his work friends came up with. They were a great way to unwind after a stressful week at work, and you got to see Jongho.

Every time you saw Jongho, your heart skipped a beat, fluttered, raced— it reacted to him and only him. Even when you were in bed with your husband, you couldn’t get into the mood with him unless you were thinking about Jongho and what it would be like if he made love to you.

It got to a point where you even considered divorcing San just to be with Jongho, but you instantly felt horrible even thinking along those lines. If you left San for his coworker, that would ruin everything. So, you had to settle for fleeting moments and stolen glances while hoping that the feelings would fade sooner or later.

San started working late every single day at some point. He hated that he was leaving you alone for so long and would complain to his coworkers about it, and Jongho used those days where San would be buried in work to visit you and keep you company so that you weren’t all alone in your big house.

The more time you spent with Jongho, the stronger your feelings got, and you knew that you were definitely falling in love with him. You had feelings for him that you never felt for your husband, which finally made you understand what you were missing in your life— and as cheesy as it sounds, it was true love.

One night, you and Jongho were having dinner together when you got a call from San. You excused yourself and went to your bedroom to take the call, not wanting Jongho to hear the conversation between you and your husband.

“Hi, Sannie,” you forced his nickname out of you as you sat down on your bed.

“Hi, my love,” San sounded exhausted on the phone. “I have no idea when this will get resolved… I think I’m going to crash at Wooyoung’s tonight.”

“Alright, don’t work yourself too hard,” you told him.

“Thank you. I love you.”

You choked on the words. Your eyes flitted to Jongho, who was standing under the door frame, an unreadable look on his face as crossed his arms over his chest he leaned against the door. You bit your lower lip before uttering out the words you had to say but didn’t mean.

“I love you, too.”

San hung up first, your hand slowly lowering to your lap as you heard the beeping of the call ending. You sighed softly and raised your eyes to make eye contact with Jongho once more.

“Y/N,” he uttered. “It hurts me to see you lie like this…”

“I have no choice.” You lowered your gaze and looked at the wedding band on your finger. “He’s my husband.”

Jongho approached you and sat on the bed next to you, his hand reaching for yours. You should’ve stopped it, but your body craved his touch even in the most minimal way.

“You need to stop lying to yourself,” Jongho whispered. “You need to say those words and actually mean it, not just to keep up an act.”

“It’s not so simple, Jongho—”

“You need to relearn the meaning of those words. You need to know what it’s like when someone you actually love says those words to you.”

“Please don’t—”

“I love you.”

You didn’t want him to say it because you knew the second he did, your heart would be his, and the second he did, your heart yearned for him. Your heart begged to tell him the words back, but your mind wouldn’t let you.

“Jongho…” your voice wavered.

“I seriously am in love with you, and I can’t deny my feelings for you any longer. I don’t think you can either.”

He held your hand and laced his fingers with yours as he leaned towards you and tucked your hair behind your ear, his fingers tracing a line along your jaw and tilting your chin up.

“Let’s stop lying to ourselves…”

“I can’t…”

“Y/N…”

“Jongho…”

The look in Jongho’s eye and the way he was holding you was enough. You overruled the logic in your brain and leaned into him, his lips meeting yours feverishly. His hand moved to caress your cheek while the other one moved up your back slowly, his fingers gliding over the satin fabric of your dress shirt.

You sighed softly as his lips left yours and traveled down your neck, his fingers nimbly unbuttoning the buttons of your blouse, revealing your skin little by little. He slipped the shirt off you completely then swiftly removed your bra, his lips trailing kisses down until he reached your tit. He latched on and sucked hard, your arms quickly wrapping around him as you moaned lightly.

“J-jongho,” you whispered, your hand cupping his cheek.

He looked up at you with the softest eyes that nearly made you cry. Seeing the tears beginning to prick at your eyes, Jongho immediately pressed his lips against yours. He cupped your face and kissed you softly over and over again as he pushed you back slowly until your back was pressing against the mattress and your head was on top of the pillows.

Jongho straddled you and sat back onto his heels before slowly removing his shirt, his toned muscles glistening under the moonlight as he moved forward. He placed his thumb lightly on your lips and tugged your lower lip down as his other hand got you out of your bottoms and panties. His thumb continued to play your lips while his other hand stroked your folds, your back arching as electricity ran through your body just with his simple touch. You held onto his shoulders as you whimpered softly, your toes starting to curl into the sheets the longer he teased you.

“Jongho, I need you inside me,” you whispered as you looked at him through hazy eyes.

He responded by kissing your temple and giving you a tiny nod. “Protection?” he asked.

Leaning over, you pulled open the nightstand drawer and grabbed a condom. Jongho ran his fingers along your arm sensually to take it from you. Without a moment to lose, he rid himself of his pants and underwear before he tore the packet open and rolled the condom on, his cock twitching as it anticipated entering you. He lowered himself so that he was pinning you down, his hand positioning his cock at your entrance.

Jongho cock was thick— so thick, in fact, that you thought he was going to tear your pussy. You pushed your head into the cushions and moaned loudly, your hands grabbing onto his arms for support. You heard him groan as he shoved his thick cock all the way inside you, your walls clenching as you tried to adjust to his girth. He dropped his head into the nook of your neck and let out another groan, his cock staying in place.

In the time you had known and spent time with him, you never noticed the little freckle on his neck. Now, seeing his neck up close, you got a beautiful view of it, and you were entranced. You traced your nail lightly along his neck, making the man look at you with the most gentle eyes you had ever seen.

“Beautiful,” you murmured.

Jongho blushed slightly upon the compliment, his cock bulging in you as it also responded to the compliment. When he moved his hips away, the pleasure only increased, making you want him more desperately. You reached for his neck and brought his face to yours, your lips briefly brushing against his before you pressed your forehead to his, light gasps leaving the two of you as Jongho started to properly move.

You honestly had no idea the amount of power Jongho had until he started to fuck you for real. He went from tenderly rolling his body into yours to fully ramming his cock deep inside you, the force of his waist against your ass pushing you backwards. Before your head to could hit the headboard, Jongho placed his hand on the top of your head and left it there as he continued to thrust powerfully.

When he dropped from his hand to his elbow, his cock changed angles, and he was rubbing along your G-spot over and over again to the point where you felt euphoria coming at you like a truck. You wrapped your legs around his waist and bit your lower lip to keep your moans to a minimum, but you failed when your vision went white and your cunt convulsed.

“Fuck,” Jongho grunted as he felt your walls squeeze him so hard he felt like his dick was about to break off. “I’m cumming.”

Running your fingers through his hair, your brought his face to yours once more and kissed him sweetly before he released his load in you, his cock throbbing and getting bigger some how as his cum spurt into the condom.

Jongho remained inside you as he dropped his head into the nook of your neck, his nose rubbing gently against your skin and his hot breath tickling your collarbone. He hugged you tightly, your arms wrapping around him in response, the two of you laying side by side as your pants returning to normal breaths. He then pushed your hair away from your face and left a fleeting kiss on your lips.

“Oh God, Y/N… I love you. I love you so much…”

You shouldn’t have said it, but he was right— you had to stop lying to yourself.

“…I love you, too, Jongho.”

The two lines on the test sent a chill down your spine. You were pregnant, and it just had to be San’s child because you and Jongho used protection. There was no way it was his kid. Hands trembling, you dialed Jongho’s number to give him the news first. 

“Jongho… We made a huge mistake,” you started crying the second he picked up.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I’m pregnant… San and I are expecting…”

Jongho immediately knew what that meant. He stayed quiet on the line as you quietly sobbed. He sighed and said sadly, “Well, it’s a good thing I took this promotion, then.”

“What do you mean?”

“I got promoted. I’m transferring to another branch. I… I’ll be in another country.”

You covered your mouth with your hand and choked back more tears. There were too many emotions swirling around in your head, and you couldn’t bare the thought of vocalizing any of them.

“Congratulations,” Jongho whispered. “I wish you and San all the happiness in the world.”

“Jongho, wait—”

But it was too late. Jongho hung up. He made his decision, and subsequently decided your own future as well. It was done, and the only thing you could do now was focus on your marriage.

You broke the news to San a couple days later. You went to the clinic just to really make sure you were pregnant before deciding to tell San, and seeing the results on paper just made the whole situation much more real.

“San,” you said quietly as you sat across from him at the dining room table, the papers from the clinic tight in your grasp. “I have news.”

“Yes?”

You unfolded the papers and timidly slid them across the table. You and San had talked about kids in the past, but you had no idea how he was going to react about you being pregnant at this stage in your lives.

Out of all the reactions he could’ve had, though, the one he actually had was not one you were expecting at all. You watched as all of the light from his eyes faded and his face grew grim and dark. He looked up at you, glaring at you as his lips pulled into a tight frown.

“Is this real?” he asked, his voice lower than you’ve ever heard it before.

“Yes.”

“Who’d you fuck? Jongho?”

Your eyes shot wide open. Your jaw dropped, and you tried to pull yourself together before stammering, “W-what do you mean, San? I haven’t—”

“Yes, you did. So tell me. Who the fuck did you sleep with?”

“Do you really thing I would—”

“I know you cheated, Y/N,” San cut you off, his anger growing.

“And how are you so sure?”

“I only fire blanks.”

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trope taglist: @eyeryis @sinnarols @k-hotchoisan @aaasia111 @sunshineangel-reads @hwallazia @dazzlingstarrs @hyukssunflower @yunhogrippers @oreoqueen @xhexy @interweab

network: @cromernet

apply for the taglist here!

#ateez #choi jongho #jongho smut #jongho x reader #ateez jongho #choi jongho ateez #jongho ateez #choi jongho smut #broatz #trope ateez #trope series #ateez smut #ateez angst #jongho angst #choi jongho angst #cromernet #Spotify

[itstheghostofmypast]

Thanatophobia

Idol Choi Jongho x (F)Reader

Summary: How long does it take one to actually give up on you? How long does it take the other to realise that love is more than just an act of receiving, where bottled-up fears and insecurities may be enough to pull someone away from you, especially the someone Jongho had begun to take for granted.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2.4k

Est. Read Time: 20 min

Warnings: Strong language, thanatophobia (fear of losing someone you love)

Rating: PG-13

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Choi Jongho was anything but heartless, he was arrogant at times, he was stubborn most of the time, he was emotionally clueless sometimes, he was sarcastic most of the time, he was petty at times and he was straightforward most of the time, but what he was not, and he quotes, was a ‘heartless moron’. Now, he wasn’t one to fight, in fact, they’d barely ever get into a fight, usually because she would be compromising or choosing to accept defeat, but tonight was not one of those nights where he was given this privilege, where she would easily accept defeat and brush off his sarcasm, no, it just escalated into something ugly and gruesome.

It all started when he came home early for once, the dorm was empty too, or so he thought, for the moment he had flopped down on his bed, face forward, someone had jumped on him, scaring the daylights out of him.

“Boo!” “HOLY SHHHH- what are you doing here?” he whined, rolling over when she rolled off him, both of them lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling, well, he had his eyes closed, she turned her head to look at him with a pout, scooting closer, wrapping her arms around his arm as she pressed her cheek smush against his shoulder, enjoying the warmth of her baby bear, “I had the spare key, Wooyoung gave it to me last time I came over but you were out, so he was like I should have it, gave me his saying he’d get another one and-” Cracking open an eye he scoffed, “You sure talk a lot to Wooyoung huh?” turning his head to meet her gaze, she had stopped her monologue, to stare at him in utter shock, “What? I’m not wrong, I didn’t even know about the key thing- Sitting up she glared at him, “That’s because you weren’t home, Jong.” The tension between them was getting thicker, he was tired physically, but she was tired mentally, “You haven’t been responding to my texts or answering my calls, so I doubt you’d know- “I have a job, you know?” he scoffed, following suit, as she sat on his bed on her knees, frowning at him, and he sat at the edge of the bed, both in a heated stare off, he was actually waiting for her to avert her gaze, or mumble an apology or whine cutely to end the fight, so he’d feel like he’d won like he had control, some form of dominance, “I can’t just respond to your every whim.” That was probably what set it off, because the next thing he knew she got off the bed and snatched her phone off the side table, slamming the bedroom door shut when she marched out of the room, her tantrum just set the whole forest on fire as he marched behind her, slamming the closed door open and calling out, “Yah? Are you in your senses? Why are you being like this!?” reaching out to grip her wrist he turned her around, ignoring how she was trying to pull away, “What is your problem? Are you mad about the Wooyoung thing? Cause I’m right about that! You’re my girlfriend, not his!” by now he was yelling, furious, frustrated, fed up, but at what? At his hectic schedule or her? Or perhaps he was upset over how he was unable to spend time with her and the time he had been given was ruined by his own pride. “Y-You think I don’t know that?” she yelled back, snatching her wrist out of his grip, “I know you’re busy too, but the least you can do is leave me on read, can’t you? You don’t even open my texts! I can’t magically guess your schedule!” He should have stopped there, he should have, he had realised that he was in the wrong, but was he willing to accept it so easily? No. Why? Because he was jealous, he was upset and more importantly this was the first time she had ever ignored him, ever chosen to show how his nonchalant attitude had upset her, this was not what he expected, he just thought they’d go on for ten minutes and she’d probably change the topic, not list down why he’s a bad boyfriend. “Doesn’t mean you get all cosy with Wooyoung.” “I-” she stared at him standing in the hallway for a good minute before taking off her ring and throwing it at him, the clink of the gold ring hitting the ground resonated within the silence, before her words cut through it, “You’re a heartless moron.”

That was three hours ago, three hours ago when he had let her walk away like she didn’t even matter to him, instead, he stood there watching the ring on the tiles, the ring she had gotten for them on their first anniversary, it wasn’t a promise ring, but more of a ‘just know when we’re far apart across the world, you’ll always have a piece of me and I’ll have a piece of you’ kind of ring- why’d she throw it at him, shouldn’t she have taken it with her and asked him to give the one he was wearing back to her?

“I love how that’s the only thing you’re worried about.” Wooyoung sighed, climbing up the stairs, his phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder as he carried two bags full of groceries up the quiet staircase, “You’re a real idiot you know, she did come over three times last week, the poor thing sat outside the apartment for an hour the third time and that’s when I gave her my key…Hongjoong told me that was the right thing to do too.”

“I- I was busy.” The youngest huffed, staring at the gold band, twirling it around in his fingers, “It’s not like she told me, I was too busy to read her texts, so she should’ve understood-”

“Understood what? That you’re a shitty boyfriend?” Wooyoung stopped at a step, the step that led to their floor, someone was sitting on the floor next to the door to the hallway (Yes Woooyoung had used the fire exit to come upstairs, San had told him this was a great way to work out- he’d kill the bastard for that tomorrow), hugging their knees, head resting against the wall, puffy eyes closed- was she asleep?

“What? Why!?”

“Jongho, did you even call to make sure she reached home safe?”

“Well… I…no.”

“I’m amazed you found someone who loves your useless a**.” With that Wooyoung hung up, sighing as he walked over to her, placing the grocery bags on the floor to crouch down and gently shake her shoulder, “Excuse me miss, but are you in your senses- how are both of you this dumb?”

.

Jongho slammed the front door open, not even bothering to put on his mask as he hastily made his way out of the apartment, only to bump into a smaller form, hearing a familiar yelp he instinctively reached for her, wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, pressing her against him. He let out a breath of relief, at the realisation that it was in fact her, she was too tired to pull away or even push him away, and that was why she just stood there, letting him wrap his arms around her, resting her forehead against his chest, too drained even to protest. He looked behind her to spot Wooyoung standing there, grocery bags in hand with the most disapproving look he could muster, “Found her on the staircase, poor thing cried herself to sleep there- then there’s you, a bastard with an ego as big as the sun-”

“H-her phone was powered off.” He quickly defended himself, pulling her even closer as he tightened his arms around her, not wanting her to escape. The moment Wooyoung hung up on him, he realised how bad he had f*cked up, Wooyoung was never one to leave a conversation hanging, that is until he completely gave up on the person, and if Wooyoung had given up on him, did this mean his patient, compassionate, honeybee had done the same? Though his question was answered with a loud sniff, causing him to look away from Wooyoung and look down at her, only to meet her teary gaze, his gut twisted at the way she asked the dreaded question with her voice trembling, as if it was being thrown around by her pestering insecurities, insecurities that he had brought to life, that he had helped manifest within her, by constantly pushing her to the sidelines, by ignoring her beckoning calls, by looking right through her even though she stood right in front of him, with a warm smile and a heart of gold- one he was not worthy to call his own; “D-do you not love me, anymore?”

It was this very question that had him look up at Wooyoung in panic, a cry for help, though the fox-like man shrugged and walked past them, mumbling, loud enough for him to hear, because he knew the girl crying in the younger man’s arms was sobbing so loud, the floodgates of all that pain and anxiety that was slowly drowning her had now enveloped her completely, leaving her a mess, a mess he was supposed to fix, so she couldn’t hear him, she didn’t hear him, when he side-eyed the youngest, and walked past them, “You f*cked up, fix it yourself,” slamming the main door shut behind him, finally leaving the two alone in the corridor.

An eternity later the two were sitting on the same staircase where Wooyoung had found her, the two were staring at the window ahead, she thought she was tired before, but all that crying just amazed her, at this point, she felt like she’d faint if he pushed any wrong buttons. Though they had been sitting quietly for the past hour, he had not uttered a word, which meant he wasn’t going to be the first to break the tormenting silence, as usual, it would be her, to kneel and-

“I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened at the foreign choice of words, slowly turned her head to stare at him with shock through her puffy, swollen, eyes, licking her dry lips before speaking. Still, he cut her off again, this time turning to face her, the determination in his eyes somewhat scaring her, she’d only ever seen that look when he was going to sing a song that wasn’t the easiest when it came to the number of high notes, perhaps he was going to sing a perfect melody that was just for them, in tune with their pent up love for each other- for his locked up love for her, a symphony she wouldn’t mind hearing over and over again.

“I- I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but you need to understand I did not doubt your loyalties or misjudge your character, I was only self-projecting my insecurities, I know you’d never do such a thing, I know you love me and I- I” he paused, watching how her breath hitched, eyes widening in expectation, biting her lower lip unsure of how he felt about her, “I love you so much it turns me stupid- it scares me how much I want to be around you, I- I want to be vulnerable around you and…what if you don’t like it? You don’t like me when I’m not my at my strongest or my best…and I- I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he reached in his pocket to pluck out the ring, showing it to her, “Could you please find it in you…to give me another chance- you don’t have to say yes right away, I won’t force you, I could never…just…let me drop you home this time…yeah?”

She stared at him quietly, blinking slowly as his words processed before letting out a sigh, scooting closer as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck as she placed a soft kiss against his warm skin, sighing when she felt him pull her closer, gripping him tighter when she heard him sniff, feel his body trembling against hers, letting him finally let it all out against her, but never looking up, her face buried in the crook of his neck, mumbling sweet positive affirmations or kissing the skin as she let him have his moment, only to feel him slowly push her away, looking down at her with puffy eyes that matched hers, and a nose pinker than hers, “Please…stay.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere, you dummy.” Sighing she pulled off him, taking the ring from him but he didn’t let her, instead, he slipped it back on her finger, “I was waiting for you to come and give this to me…if I wanted to leave you for good, I would’ve told you to give me the ring you’re wearing back.”

Letting out a dry chuckle he shook his head, he was an idiot, one who couldn’t read situations as well as he boasted that he could- he guessed he was clueless when it came to love, at least he had someone as patient as her to help him pull through his minefield, frolicking through it like it was a field of daisies.

“Thank you…” he sighed and pressed his forehead against hers, before leaning closer to capture her lips in a kiss, only to realise how long it had been since he had kissed her, making him pull her closer, cupping her face as he tried to make up for lost time.

Finally pulling back she smiled at him out of breath, watching how he took in equally deep breaths, his cheeks all puffed out and pink, “I’m out of practice.”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got all night.” She smiled.

“I prefer taking things to the bedroom, not a voyeurism guy.”

“Choi Jongho.”

“I love you” he chuckled, watching her shake her head in defeat as he pulled her up to her feet, laughing when she whined at how he was speed walking to the apartment, mumbling, “Do you want me to carry you? Because I will, for as long as you want, honeybee.” And that’s what Wooyoung saw before Jongho closed his bedroom door, carrying her half-asleep form in his arms, bridal style as he mouthed a thank you to Wooyoung before going to finally cuddle up next to her like she had originally planned for the night.

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @mlysalt @the-kpop-simp @spooo00oky

#cromernet #k labels #jongho x reader #choi jongho #jongho x y/n #jongho x you #ateez #san #mingi #yunho #jongho #hongjoong #seonghwa #yeosang #ateez fanfiction #ateez imagine #wooyoung ateez #atz scenarios #atz x reader #atz imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x you #choi san x reader #choi jongho angst #jongho ateez #jongho angst #jongho fluff #fluff #kpop #ateez x reader

[bvidzsoo]

Love made me crazy...

❅Boyfriend!Jongho❅

TW: mentions of a panic attack, and just an overload of fluff and delulu lol

Word count: 2,5k

A/N: Uh...hi? I don't want to talk about it, okay? I don't know what's happening to me because I keep writing and writing when I have so many other things to do, it's maddening. But this is solely Jongho's fault: 1. he keeps bias wrecking me, and I love this man so much that I can barely contain myself at this point; 2. he just had to mention the first snow fall in Korea man...; 3. I love Choi Jongho. Anyways, this is a small scenario/drabble, I don't even know what to call it. I hope you all enjoy it and leave feedback, I really appreciate it! Happy reading!

            There was something about winter time that you didn’t particularly like. Perhaps it was the sun going down too fast, coating the world into darkness at 5 pm already, or perhaps it was the cold which never seemed to go away, seeping into your bones, making it a constant reminder that you handled warmth and summer a lot better. But then there were also things you absolutely loved about winter: the cozy clothes you could wear, the hot chocolate with marshmallows you could frequently enjoy, the Christmas Carols which became annoying once the holiday was over, the joy and excitement you felt wrapping up presents and then opening yours, the possibility to go skating on a warmer day, the relief of entering a warm place after being out in the cold for too long, and the snow. The snow was your number one favorite. You couldn’t wait for it to finally fall, the first snow holding a deeper significance. If you were with your lover while the first snow fell, that meant eternal love and a lifetime spent together. The thought alone could make you giggle and you muffled your mouth with the paw of you thick sweater, having gotten off track while studying. The holidays were right around the corner and winter break would soon start, you wanted to get some homework done before you’d be on your merry way, and what better place to do that at other than your university’s library? The studious ambiance helped focusing on your task at hand, feeling determined to finish your assignment in cultural studies. It was a subject you weren’t fond of and found it hard to sit yourself down and proceed with the assignment, but after all of your friends have handed in theirs, you realized the deadline was dangerously nearing, and so, you finally committed yourself to doing it. If it weren’t for the library and all the other hard-working students, you probably would have given up after half an hour. But now, three hours later, you stood proudly, and admittedly quite tiredly, as you stretched in your seat, a grin on your lips. It was almost 7 pm, the library would be closing in just an hour. You only had to write the conclusion for your assignment, but that was something you could do in the comfort of your room too, so, you grabbed the two books you have used for research, and stood, turning to walk to place them back on their respective shelves. One section wasn’t far from your desk as you quickly found where the book belonged to, having memorized the shelf and two other books you have taken them from beside. Then came the last book, which was more towards the back of the library, where the lights were dimmer in order to save up some costs since no students sat around there. You turned to the left, walking down between two large bookcases, eyes narrowed at the titles of the books. Your vision was slightly blurry as your eyes hurt from having stared at your laptop for three hours without a break. You realized you had turned onto the wrong row, so you went to check out the next one, successfully finding the empty spot where your book belonged. You cheered very quietly, pushing the book back to its place, just as you felt hands on your waist, squeezing. You yelped loudly, grateful that you were in the back and not bothering anyone, as you quickly turned around, slightly terrified by who would sneak up on you like that, but your heartbeats slightly calmed at the familiar face of your boyfriend.

“Jongho!” You whisper-shouted as you lightly slapped your boyfriend’s chest, his lips pulling up into an adorable grin, cheeks puffing up and eyes twinkling with amusement, “You scared me!”

“I thought my girlfriend would be more aware of her surroundings,” Jongho teased as he ruffled your hair, making you pout, “Especially when a handsome man like myself was trailing her—”

“Ey, Jongho, now you’re just asking for—” You tsked as you narrowed your eyes at your boyfriend, who slightly stepped closer, making you walk into the shelves behind you.

“Asking for a what?” He asked cheekily, making your heartbeat pick up again. Jongho and you had been dating for two months now and you knew you should have gotten used to his antics, his shameless flirting and playfulness, but you could never quite do so. He always said something which took you off guard or made you a blushing and stuttering mess. Like right now, as he jut his lips out and made kissy faces, teasing you as you pretended to be annoyed, desperately trying not to giggle.

“Who’s the one asking for a kiss now?” You teased back, but only blushed more when Jongho smirked, leaning closer, your noses almost touching.

“I can’t help myself when my girlfriend is so cute.” You would’ve rolled your eyes but Jongho’s soft lips were pressed against yours, making your eyes close as your arms went around his shoulders, pulling him into yourself. Jongho’s hands wrapped around your middle, smiling into the kiss as your lips assaulted his eagerly, having missed him all day long. He had classes early in the morning and then he had to attend his swimming classes, his tournament was soon coming up, he had to train hard. You didn’t even agree to meet up today, but his presence was more than welcomed as you had been thinking about him all day. Your lips moved softly against each other, kisses drawn out and slow, Jongho taking his time in tasting you and the hot white chocolate you had drank not too long ago—you had to sneak that into the library, but what the librarian doesn’t know about won’t hurt her. You revealed in Jongho’s comforting arms, his honey like cologne sweet and familiar. He felt like home, like that cozy place you’d frequent because you grew to love it and made you feel safe, protected from the cold outside world. That’s how Jongho made you feel like, safe, and like you could conquer the whole world with him by your side. He was the sweetest person you had the luck of meeting and far the most loving person in your life. He was so easy to love, your heart felt full as your lips moved together, breathing in each other, wrapped up in your own world before Jongho slightly pulled back, seemingly breathless. It made you chuckle as you cradled his cheek and rubbed his flushed soft skin with your thumb, not even trying to fight off the huge smile on your lips.

“I missed you.” You couldn’t help but giggle as you allowed the confession to slip past your lips, and Jongho’s face lit up even more as his cheeks flushed a darker shade of red, lips pouting as he looked down embarrassed, but still nuzzled his face into your hand. Sometimes he made you wonder how you survived his cuteness without having a heart attack yet.

“I missed you too, how was your day?” Jongho asked as he raised his head up again, and kissed your cheeks slowly, slightly distracting you from what you were about to say.

“Way too long without you by my side, but—” You giggled as Jongho bit your cheek lightly, “I finally managed to do my social studies assignment!”

Jongho hummed and pulled away to be able to look into your eyes, “Finally, I thought I’d have to tie you to a chair myself and force you to do it.”

You snickered and lightly punched his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his neck again as you pressed a quick kiss against his cherry red lips, “And how was your day?”

“Productive and practical,” Jongho said confidently, eyes glinting with mischief, “I have mastered how to keep you out of my thoughts, you won’t be able to bother me anymore when you’re not with me.”

You gasped dramatically and tried to step away from Jongho, but his arms tightened around you as he grinned, fingers flexing against your sides, threatening to tickle you, “Don’t pout like that. If I keep thinking about you only I will lose in the tournament, and then I’ll be really sad.”

“You won’t lose, Jongho, you’re phenomenal, I’ve seen you compete before.” You encouraged him with a fond smile, having seen him competing before. It’s actually how you got to know of the existence of Choi Jongho. Your best friend had been a big swimmer until an awful injury, which led her to now enjoying going to swimming competitions, cheering for her once fellow teammates and rivals. Apparently, Jongho and her used to train under the same coach, so when she heard that Jongho went to the same university as the two of you while maintaining his swimmer career, she was exhilarated to go and see him compete. And, of course, she dragged you with herself, trying to convince you why you should also pick up a few swimming lessons as you couldn’t swim very well. The match seemed to be quite interesting, but you found yourself bored throughout the half of it, having to excuse yourself to the bathroom. On your way back is when you ran into Jongho, quite literally, as he came stumbling out of the men’s restroom. He seemed to have trouble breathing and when you noticed he couldn’t really form coherent sentences, it became obvious by his lack of breathing pattern that he was having a panic attack. Your best friend having those quite often, you were familiar with the process, and you managed in helping Jongho calm down, only to find out that he got proposed to join the national swimming team. Since he was already nervous from the current match, and that combined with the shocking news he had just gotten it lead to him feeling overwhelmed, which then lead to a breakdown. After you were sure he was feeling fine, the two of you parted ways and you went back to my best friend, explaining why you came back later than expected. And much to your surprise, after the event was over, your best friend forced you to wait with her for her long-time friend, only to introduce you to the guy you had helped with his panic attack, Choi Jongho. You seemed to run into each other quite frequently at university after that, and after a few in passing quick conversations, Jongho asked for your number, which you gladly gave to him. That was probably the best decision of your life.

“What would I do without your support…” Jongho mumbled to himself before he pecked your lips and stepped back, offering his hand for you to take, “Are you hungry? Want to grab some dinner on our way home?”

“I’m a bit tired, if you don’t mind, we could just hang out at my place instead of eating out.” You said as your fingers interlaced and the two of you took off towards your table. Jongho wore an ankle long dark brown coat, his black ripped jeans peeking through as he walked.

“That’s fine by me,” Jongho answered quietly with a smile, “how do you feel about some Chinese take-out?”

You grinned as you nodded your head at him, “That would be lovely.”

            After gathering your things and placing them in your backpack, Jongho and you were off towards the Chinese take-out place, hands clasped together, and noses hidden behind your thick scarves. Jongho talked about his day, told you about meeting his new coach and instantly taking a liking to him. He mentioned how Hongjoong got the call too and would be joining their team, leaving Jongho ecstatic that his best friend would be once again by his side not just out of water, but in water too. He knew you wouldn’t see each other for a month as he’d be touring the country very soon, so very enthusiastically he showed you the calendar on his phone and what plans he had made for the two of you for the remaining days of the month, wanting to spend as much time with you as possible. You couldn’t help but tear up a bit at how attentive and caring he was, pecking his cheek lightly despite Jongho hating PDA; he didn’t exactly complain as he turned his head and stole a swift kiss, making you giggle. Just as you crossed the road, the Chinese restaurant a few steps in front of you, something wet fell on your cheek. Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up, dreading the thought of rain as you hadn’t brought an umbrella with yourself, and by the looks of it, Jongho didn’t have one either. Jongho noticed how you had stopped moving and he turned around, eyebrows raised as he gazed at you curiously, your eyebrows furrowed as you stared up at the dark cloudy sky, white specks helter-skelter falling from the darkness above. Your eyes widened as more wet spots fell on your face and you raised your free hand up high, opening your palm to catch the small snowflakes. Jongho’s eyes wandered around in surprise as he took in the sudden snowfall, fingers tightening around yours. It was the first snowfall of the year. Upon realizing this, your lips pulled up into a huge grin and you beamed up at Jongho as his eyes found yours. That gummy smile which you loved so much was back on his face and he gently tugged on your joined hands, pulling you into his chest.

“Would you look at that,” He muttered with amusement; however his eyes were filled with fondness, “The first snowfall of the year.”

“Just when I was walking with my boyfriend, how convenient.” You chuckled as your nose scrunched up and you leaned in, kissing the corner of your boyfriend’s lips.

“You know what this means…” Jongho trailed off, grinning as the snow continued to fall around the two of you, wrapping the world into a white blanket.

“I do, Jongho.” You whispered, suddenly feeling shy as your boyfriend cooed at you.

“I suppose you’ll be stuck with me forever now.” He said quite smugly, shrugging nonchalantly as he made you laugh, content about the prospect of having to live his life with you by his side.

“Wouldn’t want to have it any other way,” You brought your joined hands inside your jacket’s pocket, fingers having frozen by now, “I love you, Jongho.”

“And I love you too, pookie.” The nickname made you burst into laughter, but you pulled Jongho into a hug, burying your head into the comfort of his neck, the inside of his scarf warm against your skin. Your nose was freezing and Jongho yelped when he felt it pressing against his hot skin, making you chuckle. But he didn’t pull away as he patted the snow out of your hair, feeling content.

“Let’s go inside before we turn into statues.” He mumbled close to your ear and you nodded, agreeing with him. The moment might’ve felt magical, but you fancied knowing your body wouldn’t freeze over. With your hands still intertwined, you hurried inside the Chinese take-out place, giggling as Jongho ruffled his hair, making it stick out in odd places.

Yes, perhaps there were no coincidences. You could totally imagine living your life with this one lovable human being.

Masterlist (divider)

#bvidzsoo #cromernet #choi jongho #jongho x reader #ateez jongho #choi jongho x reader #jongho fluff #choi jongho fluff #jongho drabble #choi jongho drabble #jongho imagines #choi jongho imagine #jongho scenario #choi jongho scenarios #jongho smut #choi jongho smut #jongho angst #choi jongho angst #choi jongho fanfic #ateez drabbles #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez blurbs #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez angst #ateez university au #ateez boyfriend au

[sanjoongie]

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stone

🐍my submission for the spring event Idols over Flowers held by @kvanity-main

🐍My Bouquet~ Main flower: Marigold x hurt comfort, Roses x romance, Freesia x supernatural  Supporting Flower: wax flower x tattoo parlor  Greenery: lily grass x s2l Ribbon: band of cord x magical creatures

🐍Pairing: Tattoo Artist! Jongho x Medusa! Reader (f) 🐍Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff 🐍Au: Tattoo Artist au, Modern Mythological au 🐍Warning: mentions of mental abuse, depression, toxic ex, oral (f receiving), fingering, breast play, marking, penetrative sex practicing safe sex with a condom, public sex in a private spot, f and m orgasm 🐍Rating: +18 MDNI 🐍Word Count: 4,399 🐍Dedication: @mejuii & @downtoamagicalland the best beta readers a gal could have

You met Jongho on the worst day of your life. It was raining, you were alone and heartbroken. Why did you even try to hope for happiness at this point? You were pretty sure you were born to suffer. 

You sat there on a stone bench in the park you used to love, letting the rain and your tears fall. You thought, ironically so, perhaps you might live like this; like a statue in the park. You wondered if moss would grow over you, or were you that despicable of a creature that even moss would reject you?

"What are you doing?"

Your eyes raised slowly, unsure why anyone would see you and think to ask what you were doing. "I'm contemplating my existence. Do I look like something moss would grow on?"

The man in front of you stares at you, blinking droplets of the rain off his eyelashes and then bursts into laughter. "What kind of question is that?"

You felt something stir in your chest and you hissed at it rearing it's head. The brunet in front of you cocked his head curiously. "I'm sorry to laugh at you, I just truly didn't expect you to say that."

Your eyes dropped back to the ground. "Thanks."

You expected the stranger to leave but instead he sat down beside you. The rain ran down his leather jacket like it had a destination. "I like to sit in the rain too. Kinda washes everything from you, doesn't it? Not literally, you know. But metaphorically."

Your throat tightened and you found that you couldn't speak, but you had to warn this kind-intentions man that you were dangerous. "It's not good to be around me when I'm emotional. That's why I'm here in the park. You should go."

The man leaned back on the stone bench, his palms bracing himself. "I've been cut by words before; I think I'll be safe."

You shook your head. You felt the wrap around your hair slip and you yanked it back into place, making sure the bobby pins were securely in place. "Not words."

"Well," The stranger said with amusement coating his voice, "I dunno if you've checked me out or not, but I'm not sure you'd be able to hit me or hurt me."

This time you couldn't help but laugh at the man. The laughter pulled from your throat in a bitter bark. "I'm a Gorgon," You admitted.

You waited for the silence to swallow you whole but the pitter-patter of the rain around you was reassuring, in an odd way. And then the man said, "Have you ever turned someone to stone?"

The question took all the air from your lungs and you could feel your pulse in your mouth. No one had ever… asked you that before. They always assumed you had. "No."

You turned to this stranger, bewildered. He was sporting a curious look himself towards you. "Then why would you assume you would hurt me?"

"I…" Your words died in your mouth. Everything felt like ash in there. "It's what I'm born to do? I can turn people to stone. Aren't you afraid of me?"

This man stared at you like with a miniscule smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His eyes were solid and challenging. "Do you know how sad you look here, on this bench, letting the rain drench you? Believe you me, I'm not afraid of you."

Your walls threw themselves up out of pure instinct to protect your self that was about to become vulnerable. "Well, you should be. You just don't know any better."

The stranger sighed and stood up. Finally! He got the message and was leaving. You slowly let yourself sink back into the stupor you were in before you were interrupted. Then you felt something warm sit on your shoulders and your head yanked upwards.

"I'm Jongho, the guy that's adopting you. My shop isn't far down the road. Come to work with me. I hear the buzzing from a tattoo shop is pretty soothing. Come get warm and dry and drink some water. I'm sure you'll feel better after a bit."

Jongho held out his hand and when you didn't take it, he wiggled his fingers invitingly. He had put his leather jacket over your head and shoulders and it was so fucking warm that you thought perhaps it was melting your cold heart as well in this moment. 

Somehow you managed to take Jongho's hand and he took you back to his shop. You were actually slightly disappointed when he took his hand back. He walked with his hands shoved in his front pockets, chattering about a design he was working on and a difficult client. Before you realized what was happening, you were in front of the shop. 

You were given the chance to flee. All you had to do was give Jongho his jacket and make your way back to your empty apartment. But you were clinging to this warm feeling that this well-worn leather jacket was giving to you; you really didn't want to leave it behind.

Jongho pushed open the door and held it open, still inviting you inside. "I've got coffee. It's not amazing but it's hot. Let me guess, you like it black, like your soul?"

You scoffed at his sarcasm. Clearly Jongho didn't believe that you were bad at all and was mocking you now. "Lots of sugar please, and cream."

You ducked under his arm and entered the tattoo shop. It wasn't large and it certainly wasn't modern. It sported a lot of dark wood and only two chairs. But it had greenery and felt like the person who owned this shop loved it. So immediately you felt your shoulders ease and your hands unclench. 

You had sat primly in one of the waiting chairs but when Jongho came back from making coffee for you both, he rolled his eyes. "Come sit on a chair back here. Unless you plan on turning me to stone. Then I'd rather you let me get settled at least. I don't want to be known as the statue that eternally holds coffee cups."

You stayed where you were but not because of what Jongho said. You felt that if you took the steps to go behind the counter, you could never truly come back to this other side. If you took that cup from Jongho, you would be accepting his comfort. You really shouldn't be doing anything of the sort, with the remnants of your heart on the floor. But you decided to be selfish, for once. Jongho's shop gave you the inner strength to do that.

Since that day in the park, you became a regular at Jongho's shop. You weren't the type of regular that got tattoos, but Jongho had been right, the buzzing of the tattoo guns was quite soothing. Jongho rarely had two customers, so that second seat became a second home. You talked to Jongho about everything under the sun and then some of the things hidden at the bottom of the ocean. It didn't matter if Jongho was tattooing, if he was cleaning up, or if he was working on a sketch, he always seemed to be thoughtful in his words. You grew used to his lilting voice breaking up the dullness of your day. 

A few weeks later and you still avoided your apartment but that was because you wanted to spend all the time at Jongho's shop. You started little habits of taking care of his plants, adjusting them to make sure they sat in the right amount of sun. Jongho had been overwatering them but soon you were able to coax them back to life. 

It was surprisingly much later when Jongho approached you about you getting a tattoo yourself. He was closing shop up one night, the keys still jingling in the door, when he turned and dropped the question.

"So, when are you going to let me tattoo you?" He asked, those calm of his neither demanding nor intrusive. He simply wanted to know.

"Jongho," You started hesitantly.

"--don't feed me that bullshit about me being in danger again," Jongho made sure to cut you off firmly.

"Jongho, please, I'm dead serious. I don't know how I'll react? These aren't silly superstitions. I don't want to--"

You cut yourself off this time. You didn't want to risk Jongho. He was the only good thing in your life right now.

Jongho ran a frustrated hand through his hair, sighing loudly, making sure you knew how unhappy he was. "I don't believe you. You'd never hurt me."

You find that you can't breathe and your eyes burn insanely. You turn quickly, again, instinct to shy away from harming someone with your emotions. "Jongho, don't. My snakes might really turn this time."

Jongho laughed, disappointment bobbing like bubbles in the air. "Fine. But for the record, I think it would help you heal."

"Inflicting pain on myself would help me heal?" You burst out in disbelief, without thought of where the verbal daggers would land.

Jongho visibly flinched and you regretted your words immediately. "I'm sorry I said anything," He mumbled and then left.

That night you tossed and turned and your heart was heavy with the wounds that you had created with your careless thoughts. You had lived and loved someone who had done the same to you for years. And when they left you in the fear that the intense emotions they elicited out of you would kill them, you thought that was the end of you. You swore you would never make someone feel that way. And yet here you were.

The next morning, you arrived at Jongho's shop with two iced americanos and a solid feeling of determination in your chest. "I want a tattoo, Jongho," You announced.

Jongho pushed aside the curtain that separated the shop and the backroom, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But yesterday you said…"

"I know what I said," You admitted softly. You put down the glasses on his front counter and moved behind them. "I was wrong. Let's try your way. My way isn't working. I want a tattoo."

Jongho's smile was slow to push his cheeks to the side. "Okay, well, I've got some sketches started, let me find my book."

"No," You insisted gently, "I know what I want."

You grabbed a pen and wrote down your future tattoo on Jongho’s sketchbook: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stone.

Jongho read the text and then stared at you, blinking profusely. "Hey--"

You shook your head. "No Jongho, I'm reminding myself that I am strong now. I'm not weak. I'm the stone. I'm not going to turn anyone into stone. You taught me that."

A hesitant smile bloomed on Jongho's face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," You agreed, his smile infectious.

"Then will you listen to me some more?" Jongho pushed.

"About what?"

"You should let me kiss you."

You waited for people to pop out of the doors and yell "Got Ya!" but it never happened. 

"You want to kiss me?"

Jongho fidgeted with his fingers. "For a while now."

"Define a while."

"Since the bench. I just had the urge to kiss that sad look off your face. Obviously I'd never kiss a stranger but--"

Your skin began to tingle. It traveled from your sides up your neck and into your scalp. You worried about the big emotion causing your hair to transition and your hands flew to your wrap instinctively. 

"Hey, hey." Jongho's hands went over your own and he leveled his head so that your gaze went straight to his. "You're okay. I'm sorry. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

Your eyes dropped to the floor as well. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to worry when you just want to tell me you liked me."

"I'm not worried about me!" Jongho admonished you, "I'm worried about you!"

Your lip began to tremble and you allowed your eyes to meet Jongho's. "Why do you worry about me so much Jongho?"

"I--"

The bells Jongho tied to the door of his shop rang merrily and interrupted Jongho immediately. He gave you a gentle smile and then went to deal with his next appointment. You moved to the back of the tattoo shop, finding toilet paper in the bathroom and started to mop up the tears that had formed at the corners of your eyes. You managed to calm yourself and helped clean up the shop a little bit. You made sure Jongho had his supplies ready for his next appointment. You settled into a safe conversation about house plants with Jongho's client and all was back to normal. 

When the client left, Jongho gathered up his sketch book. "Can I… do you trust me to choose the font for you?"

Your eyebrows shot up on your brow in surprise. "You want to do that?"

Jongho shot you a gummy smile that made your heart flop again. "You're letting me do your first tattoo. I'm so excited. I have something in my head and I want to give it a try. And you can say no even after I draft it. But I promise you, you'll love it."

You mulled over it. Your first tattoo were your words and they meant a lot to you but to know that Jongho's art was on your skin… that made it feel even more special than its original intentions. Yes, you wanted to heal, but you also wanted to move on. This felt like a good step, right?

"I wanna try Jongho," You agreed shyly.

Jongho cupped your face so tenderly you felt like you were going to break in his hands. "Please, say you'll let me kiss you now. I had to do that whole session thinking of how I missed my opportunity."

Your skin began to tingle again but you whispered. "Kiss me, Jongho."

Jongho carefully but eagerly pressed his lips to yours. When you didn't jolt out of his grasp, he sucked your bottom lip between his own and you almost moaned into his mouth. A small smile pulled at the corner of his lips but still he kissed you, tenderly but with hunger. You could feel Jongho's muscles strain as he held himself back, your hands running slowly up his chest. Jongho released your lips, forehead pressed to yours. "If you keep doing that I'm going to have to shut down the shop."

You're so touch-starved. The feeling of Jongho's soft lips against yours, the way his thumb continued to stroke your cheek, were measured wacks like an ax to the tree that was your defenses. "Shut the shop down then," You said bravely. It was time to be kind to yourself, for once.

Jongho's hands slid up your thighs, cupped them and hauled you up his body. With one hand firmly under your bottom, he walked to the door, locked it and turned his open sign off. He then propped you up against the chair in which he typically saw clients and kissed you some more. 

While your lips met again and again, it was Jongho's turn to explore your body. His hands ran up and down your arms, murmuring that you were so very soft. Then the back of his fingers admired your collarbones and he decided that his lips needed to kiss those parts as well. While he sucked and bit down on your collarbones, his fingers braved your sides. His hands halted just below your breasts, hands cupping your ribs and thumb oh-so-close to your breast.

You moaned for Jongho. "Please, please."

It took no further prompting from Jongho to unbutton your blouse, push the cups of your bra upwards and soon he had two reverent handfuls of your breasts. His eyes flickered upwards to check on you and when he saw your pupils blown and your lips parted slightly to keep up with your heavy breathing, he then curled his tongue around one of your nipples and sucked it into his mouth. He did the same to the other and you practically melted in his hands. 

"Jong-jongho," You panted.

He hummed knowingly, eyes swinging back up to look at you as he gently kissed the mound of one of your breasts. A thumb passed over your other nipple and you had to gasp at the sudden feeling. "So sensitive for me, angel, huh?"

"So good," You couldn't help but whimper.

"I've got to taste you," Jongho swore to himself. He began to kiss down the valley of your breasts and over your stomach. 

"Wait, Jongho," You boldly put a hand on his fingers before he undid your pants.

"What's wrong?" Jongho shot up a concerned looked to you.

You had to stare at one of the potted plants in the shop instead of at Jongho. "This is so embarrassing," you muttered, "I didn't shave."

Jongho let out a throaty chuckle. "If you think that's going to scare me off, you're sorely mistaken."

You bit down on your lip when you gave him a sharp nod to tell him he could continue. Jongho eagerly unbuttoned your pants and soon had you shimmying out of them. He groaned at the black lace underwear you had on. But soon he had those peeled off as well and settled both of your legs over his shoulders. 

The only way you would be able to describe Jongho's pussy-eating technique would be as if he was making out with your cunt. The way he played with you with his lips and tongue and teeth was like nothing you had ever experienced. He didn't hold himself back with careful, measured strokes with his tongue but rather, he delved and teased and made your body hot with lust. Soon your hands were diving into his hair and your hips were thrusting in the air ardently. 

Jongho chuckled deeply in your cunt again, causing nice vibrations against your clit and that made your hips jerk upwards. He pulled his face from your cunt, the bottom half of his face smeared with your slick and said, "Someone's looking for their climax."

"I-it's been a while," You admitted.

Jongho growled when you told him that. "Well, we have to remedy that, don't we angel? Better double up, huh?"

"Double?" You asked in disbelief.

"Double," Jongho confirmed.

He went to work, licking your clit with careful flicks of his tongue and he began to introduce one finger into your hole. You moaned at the intrusion, spreading your legs and throwing your head back. The dual sensation was amazing. Then when you felt a second finger enter you, your head snapped back up. Jongho's strong stare met your own. He was devouring the way your chest heaved and your eyebrows furrowed for him. 

His gaze never broke as he coaxed you through one of your two promised orgasms. He lazily pumped his fingers in and out of you, careful not to overstimulate your clit and simply let you ride the wave of pleasure. "That's it, angel, enjoy it all."

You whined through it all, a layer of sweat clearly coating your body now. "Jongho?"

"Mmm, angel?" Jongho had been running his hands up and down your thighs in reassurance.

"Do you have a condom?"

You watched with slitted eyes as Jongho reached into his back pocket and brandished a purple shiny packet.

Your eyebrows shot up your forehead. "Have you fucked clients before?"

Jongho smiled slightly and didn't answer but instead warmed up the condom in his hand before rolling it down his length, having pushed his pants and underwear past his balls already. You were pretty sure you had never seen something so hot before: his muscled and tattooed arms framing his body as he practiced safe sex. 

His lower half came flush with your body. Jongho pushed down his dick so that it laid against your wet cunt. A hand went around your hip and adjusted the angle of your leg around his waist. "I'm gonna make you come so hard around my cock, I'm not even going to apologize, angel. Gonna make you feel so damn good."

Jongho finally pushed inside of you and your walls automatically clenched around his length, making him bite down on his bottom lip. "Shit, angel, you're so tight. Fuck."

You tossed your head back again, arms behind you to support you. "So…so full," you moaned.

"Yeah, do I fill you up?" Jongho prompted.

"Jongho," You cried out when he was inside of you full hilt. 

Jongho watched as he pulled back his hips and made tentative body rolls between your thighs. You choked on air and had to dig your nails into his shoulders. You were whimpering, watching his dick move in and out of you. He just felt so good; so solid and present and radiating good vibes. You felt your skin truly settle and for a moment, you believed that your snakes would never come out as long as you had Jongho on your side.

"Okay still?" Jongho checked in on you, your comfortability first and foremost on his mind.

"So good," You groaned.

Jongho kicked it up a notch, fucking you with a firmer pace, making his balls slapped against you. Your breath caught in the back of your throat and you started to chant "yeah, yeah, yeah", feeling your nipples pucker as lust curled in your stomach.

"Come on, angel, come for me. Fall apart for me, hmm, do it for me. Wanna see you come undone in my chair, yeah? Fuck, this pussy, it's mine now, do you hear me? Only I can do this for you. All for you."

You came with a desperate cry and your muscles froze as your nerves were painted with pleasure once again. "Jongho!"

"That's right, angel, that's me fucking you good," Jongho murmured into the air.

It wasn't long before Jongho came as your pussy fluttered around his cock. He buried himself deeply inside of you and unloaded into the condom. He grunted, scrunching up his nose and sighing happily, riding out his own orgasm.

"Jongho?" You called tentatively for him.

His eyes snapped to yours. "Are you okay?"

"Jongho…" You felt your lips tremble and tears begin to prick your eyes. "I don't think anyone has fucked me like that. I…" You let out a shuddering breath, "I think I might love you?"

Jongho laughed, a happy noise. "Well that's good. I thought I was going to have to hold off telling you that for a while."

"Huh?" You said, suddenly feeling very gobsmacked.

"Oh I love you with every fiber of my being, angel," Jongho admitted.

And there went your tears. "You love me?"

"I love you so much I'd shut down my tattoo shop if that meant I could spend every day in between these legs of yours," Jongho grinned and you smacked his chest. "What? Just saying. It kills me when we have to separate when I close down shop."

"Should I…" You licked your lips nervously, "Should I move out?"

Now it was Jongho's turn to be shocked. "And leave behind the toxic apartment that only reminds you of your ex? Yes please?"

After the sex, things shifted between you and Jongho. It was like it was the final red tape taken down around the crime scene that was your broken heart. Sex shouldn't have healed it, but if anything proved to you that Jongho was in love with you, it was his willingness to get close to you and to touch you. 

You spent the next week planning your tattoo. You had decided to get it where you could always see it. You needed to be able to read them and be reminded of what you had gone through and what you were capable of moving forward. One half of Jongho's beautiful calligraphy on one inner forearm and the other adjacent from it. 

The day your first appointment came, it felt odd to be the one in the chair who Jongho was working on. You had always watched on as Jongho tattooed someone, the dull buzz of the tattoo gun always making you feel comfortable. But now, Jongho in his nitrile black gloves and needle poised to press to your skin, it made you feel different.

"Nervous?" Jongho asked as he set the stencil against your skin.

"Actually, I think I might be excited," You admitted.

Jongho laughed, a gummy smile appearing and brightening up your day. "I love that."

The two of you chattered back and forth as Jongho started on your tattoo. The pain was manageable and eventually faded in the background as you talked to Jongho about cereal flavors and the preferred method of cuddling. The time passed by in measurements of Jongho's soft, comforting voice and his hands inching down your arm, holding it aloft to tattoo you. 

True to Jongho's words, you did feel healed after getting your tattoo. Although Jongho had a heavy hand in your healing, the words that you had chosen etched in your skin meant everything to you. Whatever scars you had from your ex had long healed and were replaced with the curling words that represented your life. 

You may turn others into stone if you were agitating enough, or maybe that was just a tale passed onto other humans because being threatened to have your head cut off might have come off as 'agitated' to them, but you felt like the one turned into stone. Not of the sad and neglected statue type of stone that you had hoped would grow moss like that fateful day you had met Jongho, but of bedrock. Bedrock that was a foundation for you to build your true life up. For the life you had with your ex, who flinched at your stare and jolted out of your touch, was not a life.

Jongho winked at you while working on a pokemon sleeve, old japanese art style. Since you had moved in, he had got one of his tattoo artist friends to give him a tattoo of a snake intertwining his collarbones. He said that you were so intertwined with his life that it felt good to have the same represented on his skin. 

You no longer believed you were born to suffer; you now believed in happiness.

Tag list: @hijirikaww @flowerboykun @kitten4sannie @starillusion13 @flurrys-creativity @stardragongalaxy @a-soft-hornytiny

tagged by special request: @yoonguurt @anyamaris tagged bc jongho biased: @ssaboala

#kvanity #kidolflowers #cultofdionysusnet #kwritersworldnet #thekpopuniverse #pirateeznet #ateez angst #choi jongho angst #ateez smut #choi jongho smut #topaz's work #ღatz

[cybrsan]

Hello, I want to join your 100 followers ask/prompts game. Congratulations on your 100 followers! 🥳👏🏼

Can I request for an angst drabble please? The numbers that I chose is 25, 29, 34. The Ateez member is Jongho. Because we need more angst Jongho.

Thank you! 🤎🫶🏼

Thank you so much! And thank you for requesting <3

Prompts: 25. “It hurts…” “What?” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you…” + 29. "Just because you can doesn’t mean you should." + 34. "Why are you so cold?" Pairing: Best Friend!Jongho x F!Reader Genre: Angst Word Count: <1kTags/warnings: Hidden feelings, miscommunication

Rules for requesting can be found here and my masterlist can be found here.

You sigh and toss your phone aside, collapsing back against the couch cushions. What is wrong with men these days? Does no one know how to hold a proper conversation anymore? All you want is someone who understands you and at least pretends to be interested in what you have to say. But, apparently, asking for a guy who doesn’t blabber on and on about himself for hours is too much. 

You look over to Jongho, your best friend, who is currently sprawled out on the extended part of the couch and watching his new drama of choice. You wait a moment, expecting him to ask about what’s bothering you, but he never even looks away from the screen. You sigh again, more dramatically this time. Finally, he gives in with a roll of his eyes and pauses his show. 

“What is it this time? That Yeonjun guy boring you already?” 

Happy he’s indulging you, you grin and move closer to him, positioning yourself so that your head is on his lap. His fingers immediately find your hair, playing with it as you rant. 

“Yes! I am so tired of the guys on these dating apps; either they have no personality or are totally obsessed with themselves. I should just give up and go hook up with someone.” 

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I thought you swore off meaningless sex because you finally wanted a real relationship?” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You look up at him through your lashes and pout. “Maybe I’m just not meant for love. What’s all the hype for anyway? Most of the time, it just ends up with someone’s heart being broken.” 

Jongho pretends to shiver. “Is your heart made of ice or something? Why are you so cold?”

You scoff and swat at his chest. “Hey, I’m not that bad. But, seriously, is it even worth it? Love and all that?”

“I don’t know,” Jongho muses, letting your hair drop from his fingers and just resting his hand atop your head. “It hurts.”

“What?” 

“Loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Love in general, I guess.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Oh? And what would Mr. Chronically Single know about all of that?” 

He looks down at you, eyes dark with an emotion you can’t decipher. He almost looks… pained for some reason, and it makes your heart hurt. You instinctively go to reach out to him but, next thing you know, he smoothes out his expression and gently pushes you off of his lap.

“Forget it,” he says, pressing play on the remote. “I want to finish this episode.” 

“Oh. Right, sorry.” 

You return to the opposite side of the couch, curling in on yourself. The room suddenly feels suffocating, so you grab your phone again and make plans with a friend to go to a club. Jongho barely acknowledges you as you leave, and you can’t help but feel guilty without knowing why.

#choi jongho x reader #jongho x reader #ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fic #ateez imagines #jongho angst #jongho imagines #ateez requests #my fic #100 followers #choi jongho drabbles #jongho drabble #jongho drabbles #choi jongho imagine #choi jongho drabble #choi jongho angst #michi.req #toolovelyforyou

[bobateastay]

can i request song lyric prompt 1 or 6 for jongho :o

6: black leather and dark glasses; he's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed.

choi jongho x gender neutral!reader

cw - 90s!au, implied criminal + sexual activity, angst(?), partners in crime dynamic, blood mention

word count: ~860

a/n: thank you so much for the request anon!! i hope it's okay that i chose this prompt, and i hope the writing matches it close enough for you. i really hope you enjoy it!! have a good day <33

You weren’t ashamed to say that you weren’t really in love with Jongho. You knew that he wasn’t really in love with you either. It was just a matter of well-aligned interests. Just a matter of the weight of his hand between your shoulder blades always being enough to ground you, no matter how dizzy or distracted you were. Just a matter of him enjoying the way you knew just how to push people’s buttons to get what you wanted. Just a matter of both of you loving to play both predator and pray, pushing and pulling and biting and bleeding until you couldn’t tell who was smothering who. It wasn’t love, but you didn’t mind it being that way.

You didn’t mind his hand squeezing your thigh when you sat with two legs over his lap in the back of a club, dark staring down anybody else who had the courage to look you up and down with just a little too much curiosity. You didn’t mind that he paid for your drinks, nor did you mind that he only thought it was funny when you tugged him close to you by his leather jacket, breath ghosting over his ear when you whispered to him.

“How much money do you reckon is in his bank account?” you asked, pointing as subtly as you could across to the bar before tucking the tips of your fingers beneath the collar of Jongho’s jacket and shirt, smoothing your fingertips over his warm skin. You watched him follow your line of sight, watched his interest pique when the well-dressed man with an expensive smile flashed his credit card to pay for his drink. 

“Too much,” Jongho answered, voice quiet. You couldn’t see it, what with how you were busy littering feather-light kisses against his cheek, but you could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again. “But we can probably change that.”

“You’d need his PIN,” you reminded Jongho, a teasing lilt to your voice that was always good at riling him up. It was always a reminder of how your dynamic worked. You both needed (or was that wanted?) the money. Which meant that Jongho needed the PIN. Which meant that he needed you. And it was always flattering to be needed, regardless of what it was that you were needed for.

“You can get that for me angel,” Jongho said, knowing that a little extra flattery would get him far. “And then you get whatever you want too.”

He turned your face to look at you properly, eyes searching yours for the agreement that went better unspoken. It never took long for him to find it and this time was no different. His hand squeezed your thigh tight enough for long enough that you were left with pins and needles when he let go.

“Go on,” he said, returning the smile that was beginning to play on your lips. 

It wasn’t difficult to be reckless when you could feel Jongho’s eyes on your back the whole time - wasn't difficult to use careful touches and fake laughter and words just vulgar enough to convince this stranger that he wanted you in his bed. How could it be when you knew that Jongho had your back, alongside a variety of equipment made to maim anybody who happened to harm a hair on your beautiful, disingenuous head?

And later on, when you had the stranger’s credit card safe in your purse, it wasn’t difficult to pretend that you did love Jongho. It wasn’t difficult to curl up in his lap and watch late night TV on the motel television, his fingertips tracing shapes into your back and your lips occasionally mouthing at his bare chest in kisses that were far too gentle for what you both shared.

“Good job sweetheart,” he murmured, toying with the remote control but never changing the TV channel. 

You grunted and shifted your position, throwing a leg over his thighs and pressing your face into his chest.

“His dick game was shit,” you muttered. Jongho laughed, and the sound put a smile on your face. Truth be told it hadn’t been all that bad, but you were just as good as Jongho was at applying a little flattery when necessary. “Did you get a bank statement?”

“Of course,” he murmured, setting the remote aside in favour of turning his attention to you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and resting his hand on your arm. “You did good.”

You grinned, and lifted yourself up enough to kiss Jongho. It wouldn’t take long for one of you to be history, reduced to a bank card and CVV number for an empty account - or a missing persons flyer on a lamp post, depending on how things went down - but right now that didn’t matter. Right now you swallowed the metallic taste of Jongho’s blood when you bit down on his lip just a little too hard and cherished the fact that you had this man you didn’t love so tight within your grasp. And when he squeezed your waist and turned off the TV, you cherished the fact that you didn’t love him just a little bit more.

.

thank you for reading ♡

taglist: @lovely-ateez @sunsethw4 @seonghwanotes @xirenex @bcbataro @peanutpmingib @sannierio @ateezinmymind @pseudosoobin @tohokuu @byeolofseonghwa @daisyboyclub

#ateez x reader #choi jongho x reader #ateez angst #choi jongho angst #ateez fanfic #choi jongho fanfic #ateez fic #choi jongho fic #ateez imagines #choi jongho imagines #ateez scenarios #choi jongho scenarios

[minkiverse]

POLY!ATEEZ FIC RECS PART 1

Part 2 - Hongjoong - Seonghwa - Yunho - Yeosang - San - Mingi - Wooyoung - Jongho

A collection of Ateez fics that I think everyone should know about!!! This has been QUITE the project, but I'm so happy to have done it. Unfortunately not all my recs could fit on one post so there will be at least one other part to this list, as well as individual member lists. (i really thought i could fit them all on one post lmaooo) I hope you enjoy and support these authors!!

DISCLAIMER none of these works are mine and majority are MATURE 18+, please review all warnings before reading!!!

Key:

✨ - My Favs

🔥 - Smut (MINORS DNI)

⛈️ - Angst

💗 - Fluff

🍑 - Humor

POLY!ATEEZ

Sway With Me - @luvt0kki 🔥⛈️ Sci-fi ✧ Ongoing

the world 🤌 the story 🤌 the SMUT 🤌🤌🤌 but truly this fic is such a fun take on a sci-fi adventure. im already obsessed with the mc, AND HER AND WOO'S CHEMISTRY?!?! off the charts sooooo good like 👏👏👏 the interlude has me a tiny bit nervous because now i know how well this author writes angst and yeah its gonna be a doozy 😩😩

Wonderwall - @atzfilm ✨🔥⛈️ Yandere ✧ Faerie AU ✧ Ongoing

i realized pretty quickly that yandere is much more popular in this fandom than in previous ones i've been in, so i never really read any. HOWEVER, i get it now i do lmao. this was the first one i read, and i was HOOKED like i couldn't stop reading! the story just like took over my brain, and i am thinking why am i sympathizing with the guys BUT I AM BECAUSE THEY ARE COMPLEX AND SO INTERESTING AND WELL WRITTEN!!!!! its hard to put into words how much i love this series

The Answer - @berryunho ✨🔥⛈️ Cult AU ✧ Ongoing

i genuinely don't think i've ever read a fic like this, and i mean that in literally the best way possible. i was STRESSED reading this like there are so many scenes that make me question everything, but like there is no one to trust about what is actually happening. idk if i'm making sense but this fic just needs to be read to understand the legit anxiety it gives me in certain chapters lmaooo😭😭

Deep Down - @seventhcallisto 🔥⛈️💗 ABO AU ✧ 9th Member AU ✧ Ongoing

this is just self indulgent fun AND THAT PEOPLE IS WHAT FANFICTION IS MEANT TO BE!!! like im just kicking my feet reading about this 9th member ateez finding out she's an omega!~ i'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE!

Into the Aurora - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Idol AU ✧ Complete

this soooo quickly became my main comfort fic for ateez! like i have reread this TOO many times. sometimes i'll just revisit specific chapters, but i know the exact chapter number.... is that concerning? lmaooo~ but truly this is more than just a you date every member of ateez fic (WHICH ARE GREAT DONT GET IT TWISTED!!) but the more we learn of the mc the more i adore her and her relationship with the boys!! it's just a must read ok 👏👏

Inception - @remedyx ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Royalty AU ✧ Ongoing

my brain is still stuck in this world tbh, like its maybe a bit embarrassing how many times i look at the map and moodboards and just vibe and think about this fic lmaoo! but honestly the world building is so thoughtful and its so easy to just immerse yourself in it which is amazing!!!!!!!

Dragon from the Window - @thelargefrye ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Fantasy AU ✧ Ongoing

this collection of one shots, drabbles, headcanons, and world building i went through SO QUICKLY I WAS IMMEDIATLY OBSESSED. i am so genuinely invested in this story and how each member react to their connection with the mc!!!! ALSO the mc is a witch SO BIG BONUS POINTS!!!!~

like the moon - @sunmoonjune ✨⛈️💗 Warrior AU ✧ Clan Systems ✧ Ongoing

try not to cry challenge - FAILED, MULTIPLE TIMES 😭😭 this is major hurt/comfort, but its truly such a beautiful story!! i would do anything ANYTHING for gray!!!!! all of them deserve the absolute best in the world and i just adore them so much 🥹🥹🥹

Morning Mist - @mint-yooxgi ⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Yandere ✧ Ongoing

another story with an mc that is just 🤌🤌🤌 like she is so badass i'm in love but also scared lmao,, but i think if you are new to yandere, this is a good starting point! like yes they are obsessed but not like terrifyingly so if that makes sense~

MULTIPLE MEMBERS

This Night Together - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ ABO ✧ Ongoing

listen i'm a bit of a slut for ABO fics and this one!!!! THIS ONE IS SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!! im like just in love with all of them not just yungi n reader but EVERYONE (except u minseok u bitch) like not only is the main plot so good but the side plots for the other members is just incredible,, i just love this story too ok if you see this author know that every fic they write is going to be a comfort fic for me 🥹🥹

Project Omen - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Hongjoong x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

Bouncy - @hongism 🔥Yunho x Reader x Jongho ✧ Mechanic AU ✧ One Shot

splish splash - @atozfic 🔥San x Seonghwa x Wooyoung x Yunho x Reader ✧ Swimmer AU ✧ One Shot

sharing is caring? - @byuntrash101 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @orgverse 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

Threesome with Yungi with woosan watching - @k-hotchoisan 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi (San and Wooyoung) ✧ One Shot

one more rep - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Personal Trainer AU ✧ One Shot

blue bird - @seonghwaddict 🔥💗San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Mafia AU ✧ One Shot

What's the Time, Mr. Wolf - @starlitmark 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

the good friend + the better friend - @byuntrash101 ✨🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ Two Shot

as a sangi bias this fic changed my life maybe?!! the smut is just toe curling ESPECIALLY PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally i could drool just thinking about this fic 🤤🤤 i need this to be my reality ASAP

Untitled - @ja3hwa 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x Mingi x Reader ✧ Business (?) AU ✧ One Shot

knockout - @igbylicious 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Boxer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @sanspuppet 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Seonghwa ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @thetypingpup 🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

Time of Love - @desayunho ⛈️💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ SMAU ✧ Complete

compromise - @cyberpxnk 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yunho ✧ College AU ✧ Soccer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

cheerleader - @byuntrash101 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x San x Ming x Reader ✧ One Shot

from eden + Pt. 2 - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yeosang ✧ Vampire AU ✧ Two Shot

whichever way - @igbylicious 🔥💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Neighbors AU ✧ Ongoing

Under the Comforter - @thelargefrye 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Double Trouble - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Wooyoung x Reader x Jongho ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

What Should We Become? - @sluttywoozi 🔥💗 Yeosang x Reader x San ✧ One Shot

like a dream - @cheollipop ✨🔥💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

this is like so incredibly hot, literally all i need in life is to be in between these two men 😩😩😩 but it is also so sweet and both boys are so doting to the mc and the end!!!!!!!!!! so loving and cute and aaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭

SCENARIOS/TEXTS/HEADCANONS

ateez as royals who fall for you (hyungs, maknaes) - @eightmakesonebraincell 🔥⛈️💗 Royalty AU ✧ Scenarios

subby ateez - @seventhcallisto 🔥Headcanons

Ateez cumming too soon - @sluttywonwoo 🔥Headcanons

soft cuddles with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

first kiss with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

Ateez and pussy slapping - @kitten4sannie 🔥Scenarios

Bedroom Mishaps (hyungs, maknaes) - @seohwang 🔥💗 Scenarios

Ateez 'n free use - @seventhcallisto 🔥 Scenarios

Cupping their Cheeks - @yeorisanaxox 💗 Scenarios

Ateez as Exes + Pt. 2 - @kisshwa 🍑 Texts

Friends to Lovers Headcanons - @kpopnstarwars 💗 Scenario

boyfriend!ateez discovering you write smut - @eightmakesonebraincell 🍑 Texts

Ateez being overstimulated (hyungs, maknaes) - @ateezscupid ✨🔥 Scenarios

listen i just like sub!ateez a lot 😭😭 but like these are such a go too for me when i NEED some dom!reader content like it is so cute/hot/toe curlingly delicious 🤤🤤🤤

mtl of who would like choking - @sxcret-garden 🔥 Headcanons

texts when they think you’re asleep - @beenbaanbuun 💗🍑 Texts

#ateez #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #ateez fic recs #fic recs #ateez smut #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #fic rec masterlist #in celebration of chellateez week 2~~ #merengue makes lists

[bunnycobie]

best friend's brother - choi san

pairing: choi san x f!reader summary: when your night with your crush doesn't go to plan, you find comfort in the person you'd least expect genre: smut, some fluff, some angst word count: 3k content/tw: nonidol characters, college au, san has a sister named mina (not meant to be mina from twice), other random idol names are used, fingering, unprotected sex, drunk sex (don’t do this in real life) a/n: this may be a cringefest bc it was my first fic

18+ minors dni (masterlist)

you tap on jimin’s instagram story for an update on where he might be. he’s in a car with his friends, most likely on his way here. replaying the post over and over, you don’t realize how long you’ve been staring at his smile until you’re hit on the leg with a pillow, snapping you back into reality.

“are you even listening to me?” mina snaps. you grin and sit up against the pillows on her bed.

today is mina’s birthday, and she decided to throw a party at her house tonight. but even though she invited tons of people, she only cares about one guest. so much so, that she’s cycled through five different outfits just to look as good as possible.

“you look hot.” you say jokingly, grabbing and hugging the pillow she just threw at you. “jin is going to notice you, quit overthinking it.”

mina groans. “why aren’t they here yet?”

“they’re on their way right now, they’ll probably be here soon. can we please go now?” you whine. the party started almost an hour ago, but you’ve been waiting for your friend to finish getting ready.

“i just need a few more minutes. go ahead, i’ll find you later.” she says, looking in the mirror as she puts on a pair of earrings.

as you leave the room, your ears are instantly flooded with music despite the party only being downstairs. you head towards the bathroom and step inside to check your hair and makeup in the mirror.

you and mina invited jimin and jin to the party, and it’s the only thing you two have thought about all week. mina and jin are practically a thing at this point, but you can’t say the same for you and jimin. you’re always too nervous to hold a conversation with him. it’s nothing a little liquid courage can’t fix, though. you hope.

there’s a knock on the bathroom door. you open it expecting it to be mina. instead, you’re greeted by a large frame with silky black hair.

of course, it’s mina’s brother san.

despite being a player on campus, he’s really sweet and protective over you. presumably because you’re his sister’s friend. still, he’s always been respectful and never tried to make a move on you.

but you’ve definitely caught him staring once or twice, and youd be lying if you said you didn’t do the same.

“oh, hi y/n.” he examines your outfit, making you feel self-conscious. “i started to think i’d never see you guys come out of that room.”

“sorry,” you smile awkwardly, walking around him into the hallway. “she’s nervous about jin.”

“jin’s coming?”

“yeah, and jimin”. you reply.

san’s posture straightens. “so you actually like him?”

“i never said that.” you protest.

“i hear you guys all the time. you aren’t really discreet about it.” he smiles.

you can’t help but notice his dimples every time he does that. your relationship with him has only ever been platonic, but you’re almost always dumbfounded by his appearance.

“i mean, maybe. i can’t really tell if he feels the same way though.” you say, fidgeting with your hands.

san leans against the wall. “i wouldn’t waste my time on him,”.

“what? what do you mean?”

“i don’t like him. it doesn’t matter though; you can do better than him.”

who the hell does he think he is?

“you don’t even know him. why should i care what you think?” you say, furrowing your brows.

in reality, san knows jimin more than you’d thin. they’ve never been friends, but he’s spent enough time around him to know that he’s not worth dating.

san is well aware of his position in your life, but he still cares and doesn’t want to see you hurt. your words stung a little, but he wouldn’t let you know that.

san grins and lets out a soft chuckle that pisses you off a little.

mina’s bedroom door opens and she steps out in yet another outfit choice.

“it took you an hour to come up with that?” san says teasingly, gesturing to mina’s outfit.

mina’s eyes widen. “is it actually that bad?” she gaps.

“he’s joking.” you smile, despite the anger you felt a few seconds ago. “you look cute, can we go now?” you asked, grabbing mina’s hand and pulling her towards the stairs.

not only would she have actually changed her outfit again, but you would’ve done anything to get out of that situation. you’re an adult and can date whoever you want. why is san treating you like you’re his sister... or his girlfriend?

as you walk away with mina, you glance over your shoulder to see san still looking at you, except this time he’s more serious.

the party was open invitation, but you’re still surprised by the number of people that actually showed. you and mina grab two beers from the kitchen.

you feel a tug on your arm. “they’re over there!”. she points to jin and jimin sitting on a sofa with drinks and talking.

your stomach knots at the sight of jimin and you start to feel flustered. he looks so good you start to second guess your outfit just as much as mina did hers. you chug your drink, hoping the alcohol will set in soon.

mina laughs at your nervousness. “are you ready?”

“i think so –”

“hey guys!” mina yells over the music, interrupting you.

your heart drops even further than it already did.

jmin and jin look over as you and mina make your way to them. mina sits next to Jin, leaving you with no choice but to sit next to jimin on the opposite end. you were hoping Mina would be with you to ease the awkwardness, but that plan is instantly thrown out the window.

jimin turns his body towards you, and you start to wish you’d planned things to talk about.

“hey, you look nice.” he smiles.

“thank you.” you respond shyly. somehow you feel even more self-conscious despite the compliment.

“i haven’t seen you in class lately.” you mention, hoping your awkwardness doesn’t show.

“oh. i’ve been kind of focused on my music lately. i’m actually considering switching majors.” he says.

he continues speaking but as you glance around your attention is caught by san across the room.

he’s looking directly at you, while a girl is holding his arm and laughing. he’s pretending to listen, but he’s watching you and jimin. you can’t seem to break the eye contact, as if your eyes are glued to him.

you realize you’re mid conversation and shift your focus back on jimin, who’s still talking about himself.

“i think that’s great.” you smile at him, unknowing of what he spent the last 30 seconds talking about.

“y/n, can I borrow you for a sec?” mina leans forward into your gaze.

you nod. “sorry, one second.” you excuse yourself from the conversation and follow mina as she pulls you aside.

“jin and i are going to my room; are you gonna be fine on your own?” she asks lowly.

“what? you’re sleeping with jin already?” you exclaim.

mina shushes you and looks around the room as if anyone could’ve heard you over the music.

“i don’t know, probably.” she says, grinning like an idiot.

“i’ll be fine. be safe.” you smile.

she nods and waves over jin, and he follows her upstairs

you make your way over to where you previously were but realize jimin is gone. you scan the room for him but can’t find him. you start to regret letting mina go and feel awkward all over again. you look around for a familiar face and see san, still talking to the same girl and clearly uninterested. you find chaewon and yunjin and join them for a while.

almost two hours pass while you’re busy getting drunk and dancing.

mina comes back with jin, but you’ve been so caught up that you forgot about them and jimin.

“hey.” you almost cringe realizing what they might have just finished doing.

mina grins and rolls her eyes. “where’s jimin?”

you shrug. “he left after you guys did”

“that’s weird,” jin says.

“i’ll go look for him.”

you scan downstairs one more time, but he’s still nowhere to be seen. you realize the party extended to the patio and open the door to check outside.

you find him, but you’re practically frozen in place when you do. he’s sitting next to a pretty blonde girl, kissing and feeling her up. you start to feel sick. you know that the two of you weren’t exclusive, but you still had hope there would be something between you. you’ve been obsessed with him for months and the one night you decided to make a move, the universe betrays you. the embarrassment starts to set in when you realize practically everyone knew about your crush as well.

you can’t watch any longer, and head back inside. you don’t feel like looking for mina. you don’t want to ruin her birthday by forcing her to comfort you. you’re too ashamed to admit what happened, anyways. you’re too drunk to walk or drive home, so you go to mina’s bedroom to wait for the rest of the night.

you open the door to her bedroom but the unmade bed reminds you of what just happened in it. and as disgusting as you feel, you’d rather not fall asleep on a bed full of sweat and god knows what else.

standing in the hallway, you start to feel the frustration set in and tears begin to well in your eyes.

you hear heavy footsteps on the stairs and immediately wipe your tears.

you don’t know whether to be grateful or upset over the fact that it’s san. as soon as you see his face, you’re reminded of the situation from earlier. and the last thing you want is to hear an “i-told-you-so”.

“what’s wrong?” he says, noticing your expression.

“nothing.” you reply, trying to contain yourself.

“why were you crying then?” he approaches you, practically trapping you in between him and the wall.

“i’m just tired.” you lie, looking down hoping to avoid eye contact.

“don’t lie to me,” san says, lifting your chin.

“did he do something to you?” he’s more intimate this time, and you realize you won’t get anywhere by hiding the truth.

“you were right.” you admit, removing his hand from your face. you start to feel the shame overwhelm you again

san sighs and looks around the hallway to make sure you were alone.

“are you happy?” you continued.

“of course i’m not happy,” san says, offended by the accusation. “you’ve had too much to drink. let’s just get you to bed, okay?”

you know he didn’t do anything wrong. none of this was his fault. to be fair, he did warn you. you weren’t mad at san, but you were overwhelmed and didn’t know what else to do. so, you took it out on him.

“you’ve been watching me like a creep all night waiting for something to go wrong. now you want to pretend you feel bad and take care of me?” you snap.

san sucks his teeth and grabs your wrist. pulling you to his bedroom, he shuts the door behind him and leans against it.

“can you calm down?” he asks in annoyance, folding his arms.

you start pacing out of frustration, trying to keep yourself from breaking down.

“he’s not worth crying over, y/n. I told you that you could do better than him.” he says, pulling you back to him. he snakes one hand around your waist and starts wiping your tears with the other.

something about his presence makes you feel safe. he makes you feel like you could cry if you needed to, but how could you when you’re around him? the realization that your body is pressed against his starts to set in.

you always knew san was good-looking, but something about the way he’s letting you be vulnerable with him makes him so much more attractive. he looked unreal, yet somehow, he was standing right in front of you.

you must have been staring for a while because his expression darkens. his thumb that was just wiping your tears starts to brush softly over your lips. you feel like you’re going to pass out from the way he’s staring at your face, studying you.

san’s lips press against yours and his arms wrap around your waist. you reach over his wide shoulders and around his neck as he pulls your body closer to his. each kiss begins deepen, with small moans escaping your throat. and as passionate as they are, his lips are still so soft and careful with yours.

san’s lips move from yours to your neck, and he’s holding you as if you’d slip away once he lets go.

you can feel warmth pooling in between your legs, making your legs go numb. he sweeps you up and moves his focus back to your lips as he carries you to his bed. laying you on your back, he hovers over you between your legs, slipping his tongue into your mouth.

you let out a moan as reassurance for him to continue, so he slides his hand under your top. he squeezes and massages your breast, causing you to let out whines involuntarily.

“does that feel good?” he groans against your neck. you can feel him smiling against you, giving you chills in the best way possible.

you manage to let out a soft whiny “yes.”.

“i’m gonna make you feel so much better.” he promises. he plants a soft kiss against your collarbone before shifting his hand between your legs.

he circles his thumb against the outside of your panties, feeling the damp spots he caused. each feeling of him hitting your clit makes your breath hitch.

“fuck.” he groans. “my baby is so good and wet for me.” he moans, teasing you with his fingers.

you prop yourself up on your elbows, your forehead against his.

“could you please?” you plead softly.

“could I what? use your words, baby.” he teases, pushing more pressure onto your clit.

“fingers, please.” you babble, your head falling back from the sensitivity.

“you want me to fuck you with my fingers?” san smirks.

“mm-hmm.” you whine.

san pulls your panties to the side and pushes his thick finger in slowly, earning a whimper from you.

he can feel his cock growing feeling the warmth of you, wishing it was inside of you instead. the sound of his fingers slipping inside of you are audible from the wetness.

san can feel himself swelling up and leaking from the anticipation, but he wants to take his time with you. he loves the sight of you moaning and whining under his control with your head held back.

he pulls your head in by the back of your neck and snakes his tongue in your mouth while curling his fingers to reach your gspot. his tongue is warm and wet, and you feel yourself getting dizzy and falling apart.

“i’m gonna cum.” you manage to breathe out.

“wait a little longer for me,” san says, pulling his fingers out of your heat and kissing you before standing up.

he pulls his shirt off revealing his bare chest and smooth, toned skin. he’s practically sweating from the anticipation, making his abs and biceps look even more glossy. he looks like a greek god.

unzipping his pants and removing the rest of his clothes, his swollen cock reveals itself, already wet and leaking from the tip.

he pushes you back down and lets you wrap your legs around his waist.

rubbing his tip against your sensitive clit, he inserts himself, making you gasp. the feeling you felt from his finger was almost nothing compared to the size of him inside of you.

he groans at the feeling of you wrapped around and squeezing him and wastes no time before speeding up his pace. your moans can’t help but get louder, and he has to cover your mouth with his just in case someone may hear you whine.

he moves fast yet softly as if he doesn’t want to hurt you. still, the feeling of him inside of you is enough to make your eyes water. you feel your sensitivity from being edged earlier come back, and you’re close to your high all over again.

“i wish i could do this with you forever” he moans.

his pace starts to get sloppy, letting you know he’s close to finishing. you feel a wave of ecstasy take over your body as san releases inside of you, leaving you dripping. the two of you moan over the feeling of finishing on each other.

san collapses next to you as you both catch your breath. he gets up and slips on clothes to leave the room. you lay in confusion for a minute until he comes back with a warm towel.

he cleans you up and gives you one of his clean t-shirts to wear to sleep. you try to hide your smile from the thought of him being so sweet to you. when you put the shirt on, he falls in love at the sight of it being so big on you. he’s not super tall, but his muscles are enough to warrant his shirts being huge. san wraps his arms around you and gives you another kiss, but this time it feels more loving than the rest.

“do you feel better now?” he asks, embracing you.

you’d forgotten about what led to this in the first place. but you didn’t care enough to remember because you were in love with someone else now.

#choi san #choi san x reader #san ateez #ateez smut #jimin angst #bts jimin #ateez fluff #ateez angst #mingi smut #seonghwa smut #hongjoong smut #yunho smut #jongho smut #yeosang smut #wooyoung smut #ateez fanfic #choi san fanfic

[sunmoonjune]

spring tides [like the moon universe]

pairing: poly!ot8 ateez x fem!oc!reader

warnings: vague mentions of eating disorder, death and torture, scars, ptsd, very fluffy! a lot of comfort! not so dark this time xD I did not proofread this :D

word count: 14.1k

a/n: hello y'all :D I have returned with some LTM for you <;3 This is a oneshot for my like the moon universe! You don't necessarily need to read the series to understand this fic but it definitely helps the immersion and understanding some of the plot points! you can find all chapters of ltm on my masterlist <3

Seonghwa remembers something in the spring of your third year with Ateez. As he watches you at Jongho’s side, silently offering the guard slices of fruit as he cleans his claymore, Seonghwa recalls that he doesn’t know when your birthday is. 

Jongho is murmuring something about the design of his blade and the engraving along the handle when Seonghwa stands abruptly. The eldest shifts on his feet, brows furrowed and teeth worrying his bottom lip. His lips purse when Jongho questions him. 

“Hwa?” 

The red-haired guard looks up at his partner with a lilt of concern in his voice, hands halting their motion on his blade. Jongho’s dark eyes glint as the fading sun catches the hickory color of his irises. 

“Is there something wrong?” Jongho continues, already shifting to stand to his feet. “Are you alright?”

You rock on your feet, legs stretching as you prepare to stand with Jongho. Your eyes flicker across camp, scanning for whatever has caught Seonghwa’s attention. There’s two swords still strapped to your back and you can nearly feel the cool metal pressing into your skin – a haunting reminder of the terrible things you’ve done with them. The buzz beneath your skin itches with the beginnings of adrenaline, already prepared to stand and defend the two Ateez members at your sides.

Seonghwa lifts his hands and shakes his head to soothe you and Jongho before you can stand. He softly waves his hands to encourage you to sit back onto the carved log beneath you, a wary smile on his lips. 

“No, it’s nothing,” he murmurs, still gnawing at his lip as he finishes. He offers a barely concealed sigh and shakes his head again. “‘M alright, just remembered something.” 

Jongho doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but he settles back onto the floor regardless. His hands return to wiping down his claymore but he doesn’t look away from his partner. 

You share the sentiment, continuing to watch Seonghwa and making note of each creak and scratch that echoes through the camp. You don’t know what startled him, but you’ll be prepared for the next time. The fruit in your hands has made your fingers sticky in the brief moments you spent looking up at Seonghwa rather than cutting the supple treat. 

You don’t mind though. You like slicing fruit for Jongho.  He doesn’t eat enough, you’ve noticed. You’re not quite sure why, but you suppose you don’t quite know how to ask. No matter the reason, it brings you comfort when he continues to take slices of succulent fruit from you as he cleans. He doesn’t look up, simply trusting you to place the pieces into his hands so he can eat without trouble. When you sat beside him that morning with the fruit in your hands, Jongho raised an eyebrow but didn’t mention it. You ate the first few slices before offering them to the wine-haired guard, who accepted them with a small smile. Every so often, he turns slightly, ensuring that you’re continuing to eat as much as he does. 

At one point he tilts his head back, looking up at you with those pretty, boba pearl eyes and opens his mouth slightly. Both his hands are occupied, busy with the intricate care his blade necessitates. With your heart thumping quickly in your chest, you place a slice of fruit on Jongho’s waiting lips and try desperately not to linger on the thought of how full and supple they are. 

“Thanks, love,” he murmurs without looking at you, the words sweet and saccharine in the low timber of his voice. 

Seonghwa laughed when Jongho’s cheeks pinkened after that, but you weren’t really sure why. 

Turning his attention to you, Seonghwa looks down at your figure. Sitting with a slight slump in your shoulders, the spymaster smiles faintly. Slouched posture is a good sign, he muses. You’re comfortable. 

When you tilt your head to the side, silently questioning Seonghwa’s thoughts, you reach up to gingerly grasp his fingers. There’s no hesitation. There hasn’t been in a long while. Seonghwa extends his hand in offering when he notices your appendages twitch. His warmth sinks into your palm and you nearly hum at the soothing feeling. 

You squeeze his hand twice before lingering for a longer third.

‘Are you okay?’ you silently question.

Seonghwa’s lips quirk into another gentle smile, but his eyes are distant. It makes your heart tug painfully. The hickory of his near-black irises is muted. You miss the glimmer of those sweet, dark eyes that show when he smiles. 

“Yeah, m’alright, lovebug.” 

Your heart slams into your ribs – a delighted feeling. Lovebug. You like that. 

Seonghwa leans closer to repeat the gesture, squeezing twice and then lingering for an ‘okay.’ His other hand lifts to run over the back of your head with a delicate movement. Fingers carefully scratch against your scalp and you resist the temptation to lean into his hands and exhale softly. 

“I have to go see Joong and Yunho, though. I really did just remember something I wanted to speak to ‘em about,” he whispers. Dragging his nails gently over the nape of your neck once more, Seonghwa smiles when you finally lean into his touch with a quiet rumble. He thinks you look positively cat-like. When one set of lashes flutters against your cheek in a tired, pleased expression, Seonghwa could coo at the endearing look. He withholds only to save you the embarrassment of his mother-hen tendencies. 

Your one eye flickers over his expression once more before you relent and nod your head just once. Seonghwa’s hand begins to pull away from your head, and this time you do make a tiny sound of sadness. The eldest feels his heart squeeze at your reluctance to be parted from him, leaning close to drag his thumb over the stiff material of your mask with a sweet touch before he stands upright once more. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay? You and Jongho finish up and join us for dinner soon.” 

You let out a short exhale through your nose, a sound they’ve taken to signify your agreement. Jongho’s lips twitch at the noise, trying to hold back the laugh he wants to let out. 

“Okay,” you whisper softly beneath your breath as you lean back against the back of the log. Seonghwa smiles and finally shifts his stance to leave, only pressing a gentle kiss to Jongho’s brow before walking off. Your head tilts one last time as Seonghwa leaves, wondering if perhaps one day he’ll kiss your head too when he takes his leave. 

The archer finds Yunho before Hongjoong. The tallest of Ateez is easy to collect when Seonghwa gives him a meaningful look. The tension in the eldest’s brow must convince Yunho that there is something important he is needed for because he immediately follows after Seonghwa. The two find themselves in the Captain’s cavern, his and Seonghwa’s really, standing before the long-haired leader with a small frown on the archer’s lips. 

Hongjoong mimics the frown, coming to a stand behind the desk currently holding a plethora of worn maps. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Seonghwa sighs, squeezing his fists together before he turns to face Yunho with a solemn expression. 

“When’s her birthday?” 

Yunho’s brow quirks at the same time the tension in his shoulders finally loosens a notch. Sighing softly, he licks his lips and answers.

“Tiny’s?” 

Seonghwa nods, the expression on his face unchanging: serious and solemn, as if the situation was as grave as a wake. Hongjoong glances between the two men, his brow now lifted in surprise, but he says nothing. 

“It’s been three years since she’s been with us,” Seonghwa murmurs tersely. “But we haven’t celebrated her birthday. The first year I could understand missing it – I mean, she was still adjusting to Ateez, and even after that she’s still a little apprehensive. Not that I blame her, of course – I just… It’s been three full years and I can’t believe we’ve missed her birthday at least three times.” 

Yunho’s bottom teeth sink into his lip and his eyes suddenly dart towards the floor. He swallows once, shifting on his feet and sighs as he ponders how to answer Seonghwa’s question. The eldest watches his partner with that same, tense look and his eyes glisten with something sad – something understanding, as if he knows Yunho’s answer before he speaks it aloud. 

“I don’t know,” Yunho finally answers quietly. He looks down at his feet, unable to meet his elder’s eyes. His eyes squeeze shut with another sigh that shakes through his shoulders. He repeats himself louder, still just barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.” 

Hongjoong steps forward from behind his desk. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” 

“I mean I don’t know,” Yunho whispers sadly. “And she doesn’t either.” 

Seonghwa licks his lips, grasping at strings as he scrambles to find the right words to say. 

“I don’t understand. How can she not know her own birthday?” 

Yunho won’t look up from his feet. His fingers curl into fists and the tips of his nails dig into his palms from the tightness of his grip. He can’t bring himself to loosen his hold. 

“Tiny, uh… After everything that happened with her – with that village, they don’t particularly regard her… fondly, you know?” 

Yunho speaks slowly and methodically, as if trying carefully to pick the right words to say. His tone is terse and cold, the disdain for the village of his past more than evident in his voice. Hongjoong looks up at his partner with a frown still on his lips, his heart pulsing sadly in his chest. 

“But she doesn’t know her own birthday? No one in her village told either of you?”

Yunho sighs again, finally looking up at his Captain with grief plastered across his features in an expression neither man can ignore. Seonghwa is already stepping forward, settling an arm over Yunho’s shoulders and rubbing his thumb across the taller man’s jaw. 

Yunho leans closer to Seonghwa and continues, voice deep and throaty with the weight of his words. “We celebrated it once. Back when we were young – back when… Daia was still around.” 

Hongjoong looks away. 

“But even then,” Yunho continues softly, trying not to think of the bony cage casting shadows of your quivering form. You were so young. Little fingers grasped the cold bars that separated him from you, desperately whispering a plea for him to leave. He should have known your father wouldn’t let you celebrate your birthday like he and the other children did. But the smile on your face was so pure, so genuinely happy that he could never utter the words that may wipe it away. 

 “We didn’t know the exact date – just that she was born in the spring. Her father… well he killed the attendants that assisted her mother through labor. Not that we could prove it, of course. Anyone around for Bug’s birth… isn’t around anymore. And Bug was raised kind of secluded the first few years of her life. No one knows exactly when she was born and her father certainly wouldn’t say.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes continue to glisten with that broken look, and he licks his drying lips before he speaks. His heart throbs painfully, echoing the sadness in his face.. “And… after Daia wasn’t around anymore?” 

Seonghwa hates that he asks. 

Yunho shifts on his feet and looks away again. 

“I, uh… I don’t know much of what happened after Daia…” he trails off for a long moment. “By that time, the village and her father turned their backs on Bug, and I… I was exiled a few years later.” 

Seonghwa thumbs over Yunho’s jaw again, trying to soothe his lover’s agony. Hongjoong steps closer and lays his hand across Seonghwa’s back, their combined sadness near tangible in the cavern hall. 

“Bug’s birthday…” Yunho finally continues. “She’s never seen it as a good thing, you know? Her father and the village certainly didn’t see it that way.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes sadden, the shine of his irises dulling at Yunho’s confession. He turns over his shoulder to look at Hongjoong and presses his lips together, as if regretting bringing up the topic altogether. 

“A good thing?” Hongjoong whispers. 

Yunho shakes his head, his frown dragging down his lips as he breathes softly. “Not something worth celebrating. The day she was born was… the start of everything bad, I guess.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes squeeze shut, the burn of tears forcing pressure to build in the corners. 

“Sometimes I think,” Yunho whispers tiredly, his eyes cloudy and unfocused as he stares into the distance. “I think she might hate it; that she might despise the day of her birth because of all the pain that came after.”

Hongjoong takes a deep breath in through his nose, trying to soothe the anguish that swells inside his ribs. There’s grief there, rage too, settling in the pit of his stomach and pushing upwards into his chest and throat. It’s not directed at you – it could never be. It’s towards your father, towards your village, towards anyone that has looked at you with disdain and uttered that foul moniker he knows makes you flinch. 

“I’m sorry, Yun.” 

Yunho shakes his head, leaning into Seonghwa’s hand and looking down at Hongjoong with his eyes glistening with welling tears. He swallows, clearly resisting the urge to cry, and kisses Seonghwa’s thumb when it brushes his mouth. “‘S okay, Seonghwa. I know your intentions were honorable.” 

Seonghwa nods, finally leaning forward until his head rests against Yunho’s collarbone. An arm wraps around the eldest’s shoulders and Hongjoong presses himself against Seonghwa’s back, encasing both him and Yunho. 

“So don’t bring up her birthday, then?” Hongjoong whispers, frown still drawing his lips downward. He speaks the question into Seonghwa’s shoulder blade, his lips grazing the tunic covering his skin. 

Yunho is silent for a long moment. No one speaks and the sounds of their hushed breaths are all that echo through the hollowed cavern. Yunho ponders his Captain’s question in the silence and thinks of your growth in the years you’ve spent in their camp. Would you rather they never mention your birthday again? Or would you appreciate a different kind of memory to replace the shaded pains of the ones long past?

Soon after, Yunho leans forward to bury his face into Seonghwa’s hair before he breathes deeply and pulls back, a small quirk lifting the corner of his lips. He thinks of you and that youthful grin that used to grace your lips more often as a child. Yunho recalls the mischief in your smile and the wonder that would flash across your eyes, and he begins to twist an idea around his thoughts. It’s that look he wants to see again. He always wants to see it; the mischief, the awe, the teasing grin you used to throw over your shoulder to get him to chase you through the training grounds. He wants that so badly. 

“Actually, Captain…” 

Hongjoong peels his head away from Seonghwa’s shoulder, looking up to meet Yunho’s eyes with a raised brow and a question in his eyes. “Hmm?”

Yunho finally manages a fraction of a smile, stroking his hand over Seonghwa’s shoulders as he speaks. 

“I think there might be a way we can show her that her birth is something worth celebrating. I’ll need your help though.” 

“Anything.” 

“Anything for her,” Seonghwa finishes at the same time Hongjoong speaks. 

Yunho’s heart swells. The soft grin on his features begins to stretch, mirrored by his two elders. Pride begins to surge beneath his skin and it makes him feel fuzzy. 

“What do you need?” Hongjoong whispers into the fraction of space separating their lips. Yunho huffs a smile, leaning closer until his mouth brushes against his leader’s. 

“How do you feel about a little trip, Captain?” 

Time passes easily. About a week goes by after the conversation between you, Jongho and Seonghwa before Hongjoong announces that Ateez will be spending a few nights traveling away from camp. He won’t say where they’re traveling to nor why they’re going, but there’s a mischievous grin on his lips when you tilt your head in suspicion. No one will tell you anything about the adventure other than handing you a cloth pack to gather some things for the trip. 

Mingi helps you clean your blades and slides them into the scabbards on your back for you. Seonghwa packs food away carefully and slides extra servings of dried and cured meats into your pack followed by the fruit he knows you and Jongho love. San and Yeosang sit by your side as you help sort the first aid supplies the camp may need. The inky vines wrapping around Yeosang’s forearms flashes from beneath his sleeves, and you find yourself following the sight of the tattoo each time you peek a glimpse of golden skin covered in leafy shapes. 

San laughs and raises an eyebrow at his lover when he flicks his shirt above his waistband playfully, showcasing the span of scales descending over his hip and up his waist. He giggles when you reach forward to pull his shirt higher over his side, eager to follow the lines of ink up his torso. San pushes your hands away and promises to show you one day. Wooyoung enters the cavern a moment later and exchanges a knowing look with San, as if the same pattern of obsidian scales crawls up the opposite side of his own torso. 

On the morning Hongjoong announced their leave, you pack the last of your things diligently in the cloth pack given to you. There’s something fond rippling through your chest as you slide a hand over the large tunic laid across your bed. 

The sensation seeps all the way down to your toes, a bittersweet happiness that arose from the realization that you’ve never… owned things before. 

In that village, nothing was ever yours. It was always stolen or taken, never owned. 

But now… 

Now there’s all kinds of things in your corner of the medical cavern. There’s the little rope of twine with eight little beads Yeosang gave you to fiddle with so you wouldn’t pick and pull at your nails. There’s the bear-hide blanket Jongho handmade when you started to grow cold in the winter nights. A pile of spare clothes tailored to fit your size sits beneath your bed. A hollowed shell of smooth, rich cream sits beside you, specially made for you by Wooyoung and San when they noticed your scars were particularly aching in the cold weather. There’s a whetstone and cleaning tools beside your swords, left there by Mingi when he noticed your blades were dulling. Seonghwa always leaves a myriad of flowers beside your bed each week, and the dried stems of all his past bouquets hang above your on a piece of twine Joong brought you. There’s armor and chainmail beneath your bed, presented by Hongjoong with a shy smile. He cleans them for you when he thinks you’re not looking, ensuring the armor stays in good shape and protects you well. One of Yunho’s thicker tunics lies at the foot of your bed, a staple of your growing closet of clothes. He knows you like having his scent nearby. There’s books too, ones from the medical cavern and ones from Wooyoung, who you’ve discovered is quite the avid reader. 

There’s just… all sorts of things. 

And you’ve never really owned things before. It’s strange. And quite enjoyable, you decide.

You like owning things. You like being part of Ateez – being part of a family. 

With your lips twitching upwards into a fond smile, you stand with the last of your belongings and slide the straps of your cloth pack over your shoulders. It sits a little strangely on your back but you huff and step out of the cavern anyway. 

The rest of Ateez is already outside, shuffling the last of their belongings into storage and closing up the cave system behind you. A wooden sort of door slides shut behind you and the viny, earthen cover falls over it. It’s perfectly concealed from the wild, appearing just like any other cropping of rocks and stone. You marvel at their ingenuity and turn to find Wooyoung approaching you with a smile on his lips. 

“Good morning, Bug. Are you ready?” 

Your head tilts with a question as Wooyoung’s hands shift upwards to the straps of your pack. He raises a brow once, always asking for permission before he touches, and you shift closer and slide your hands onto his hips with a nod of your head. Wooyoung’s smile seems to widen, if at all possible, and he carefully begins to adjust the straps of your pack so it sits better across your back. Your gaze follows his hands, tracing over the fading scar on his one wrist – the space where a rusty shackle used to sit. Your lips quirk happily at the sight of the missing metal cuff, now long buried in the earth. He hums happily at the feeling of your hands on his waist, and chuckles beneath his breath when he feels your hands attempting to weasel under his shirt – likely another attempt to get a look at the tattoo you know sits there. 

Wooyoung huffs a breath as you skate a gentle hand over his bare hip, focusing on the wavy shape of an oscillating line your draw over his skin. He translates the word as ‘what’ and understands your inquisition to mean ‘Ready for what?’ 

“Can’t tell you,” he laughs, his chest shaking with the motion as you squeeze his hip in retaliation. “Sorry, baby. Captain’s orders; take it up with Hongjoong if you want to know so badly.” 

Your one eye rolls and Wooyoung laughs again, that bright, cackling sound echoing through the trees in a burst of noise that makes your heart flutter. You like Wooyoung’s laugh. 

“C’mon you two!” Hongjoong calls from a distance, already beginning to pace towards the southwest. “We’re burning daylight. Let’s get moving.” 

You respond with a choked hum despite knowing your Captain can’t hear it. Wooyoung grins, finally satisfied with the adjustments he’s made on your pack, and turns over his shoulder to call back, “We’re coming, Captain. Relax a little. It’s barely dawn, we’re on schedule.” 

You don’t need to see Hongjoong to know what expression the Captain has on his face. A tiny smile appears on your lips and when Wooyoung turns back to face you with a hand held out in offering, his grin beams once more. 

“C’mon, baby. You wanna walk with me and Sannie today?” 

Your answering nod is a little too eager, but Wooyoung doesn’t mention it. 

To you, anyway. The smug grin he shoots over his shoulder at Mingi and Yunho is met with a sigh and an eye roll. The vulgar gesture Mingi throws back goes unseen by you too. 

Seonghwa sees it though, and the sound of Mingi’s squawk when he’s slapped across the shoulder by the archer makes Wooyoung laugh again. 

It’s springtime. The forest is filled with bright shades of emerald green and flowers have begun to sprout along patches of sunlight. Lupin tickle at your ankles when you pass and you watch their lilac and lavender petals sway in the wind with a fond expression. Your last bouquet from Seonghwa was fresh Lupin flowers, a growing favorite of yours he has noticed. 

Wooyoung holds your hand as you walk, sometimes shifting to allow San to take his place. They talk happily as you stride through the forest, following Yeosang and Jongho as they lead your band of warriors through the trees. You still don’t know where you’re going nor why you’re going there, but you trust your Captain and you trust your family. 

Eventually, you unlink your hands from San to step ahead and walk besides Mingi and Yunho. San’s resounding pout and soft sigh are lost on you, but Wooyoung slides his hand into his partner’s empty fingers with a grin and a teasing poke to San’s side. Mingi intertwines his fingers with yours with a beaming grin and a happy chuckle, swinging your hands between you as you walk. He points out the flora and fauna he recognizes along the hike, explaining their uses as he recalls Yeosang’s teachings. He mentions the honey-haired healer’s tattoo sleeve of medicinal herbs and shows you some of the plants he recognizes to be inked into Yeosang’s skin. You eagerly categorize the leaves and petals of each plant, hoping that you’ll one day be able to find each one decorating Yeosang’s skin. 

The first night away from camp is spent sleeping beneath the stars. 

Your group of nine lays huddled together in a clearing in the pines, with a small fire burning quietly in the center for warmth. Shifts for watch are assigned and you find yourself curling between Yunho and San that night with a promise to take the final watch with Seonghwa. With cicadas clicking in the distance and a cool breeze rustling the branches above you, you find sleep easy that night. Strangely enough, despite resting out in the open with no cover around, you find you can sleep calmly. Nestled between your Yunho and your San, their body heat keeping you warm even underneath the fur blankets swaddled around you, you feel safe enough to sink into a well-earned sleep. You know the others will wake you if there’s trouble lurking about. They would never let anything happen to their family. 

The next day is spent between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, happily listening to their stories and eagerly nudging the both of them to show you some of the ink decorating their skin. Once you found out about Yeosang’s tattoos, there was nothing holding you back from asking the others about their own. Seonghwa relents with a teasing grin towards Hongjoong, showing you the pattern of large scales that crawl up his forearms. You trace the delicate scales with a happy sound, not noticing the shiver that crawls down Seonghwa’s spine. Hongjoong rolls his eyes at his partner, but he almost wishes to show you the ink decorating his back and spine too. He only waves you away with a laugh when you turn to him with a tilt of your head and a happy question on your lips. 

That night you sleep between Yeosang and Jongho, one of your legs wedged between the youngest’s and your hand clumsily intertwined between the healer’s fingers. This time, the nine of you settle in a cliff alcove, sheltered from the fog and the light drizzle of rain that spatters through the forest around midnight. 

There’s no telling how far you’ve traveled from Ateez’s hollow. It’s been two days of mostly hiking and stopping for breaks and meals, but you’ve long grown used to strenuous labor so the walk is not nearly as difficult as you once thought it to be. You still have little to no knowledge on your destination as your Captain is tight-lipped about the matter. He only gives you soft smiles and quiet laughter when you nag him about where or why you’ve left camp. 

On the third and last day of your long journey, you walk between Yeosang and Jongho at the front of your pack. The two have been leading you for three days, seeming to know the way without needing a map or compass. Every once and a while, Yeosang looks up at the night sky and lifts a hand to palm at the stars. You understand he must be checking your position, ensuring that they’re still on the right path, but you don’t ask. You find Polaris winking down at you each night with a fondness in your chest, and you give her a gentle, barely-there smile each time you see her. 

The healer and his partner pace through the trees with newfound urgency that morning. The two members eagerly shuffle through the trees with beaming grins and an energy that you cannot help but mimic. They’re excited about something – unfathomably so. 

“We’re almost there, honey,” Yeosang encourages you, holding out a hand to help you scale the final boulder before you begin your descent back down the mountainside. “Just another mile or so, I promise.”

You trust him. 

The others have begun to feed on the buzzing atmosphere building in the group. There’s tension simmering, but a good kind, as if there’s something awaiting your family at your destination. You don’t know what it is, but it must be something good if they’re eagerly beginning to quicken the pace. 

Soon after you begin your descent down the small mountain, the dense foliage of pine trees and packed soil gives way to something softer – something you’ve never quite seen or felt before. It’s pliable and squishy beneath your feet, allowing your weight to sink into the material with each step. It leaves footprints in your wake, the ground shifting and moving beneath your feet. 

Sand. 

It’s sand. 

You know it’s sand because Yeosang has some collected in a small jar in the medical cavern. You’ve never seen it before: sand or the sea. You found the tiny bottle of eroded stone once and carefully examined it with a puzzled expression until Yeosang found you. The miniscule grains of rock and shell shifted in the bottle as Yeosang explained where it was from. 

You listened to him for hours that day. 

He talked about the sea and his life as a captain of his own ship from the hour of the sun’s peak until it descended beneath the horizon. You were fascinated. Eagerly hanging onto every single one of his words, you listened to Yeosang with a rapture you couldn’t describe. He spoke of the ocean and the smell of salt in the fresh air, mentioning that there was a particular hint of something so ocean-like in the scent that he couldn't begin to describe. Yeosang described the sand and the shore, detailing how the plush sand like the stuff in his bottle gave way to harder packed ground the closer you grew to the sea. He talked of how it felt to play in the waves and to feel the cool touch of the ocean on his skin. 

You marveled at him for hours, longing desperately to one day know the smell he spoke of, to feel the ocean breeze tickle your skin and to feel its waves brush against your feet. 

It sounded wonderful. 

So when the sand beneath your feet begins to thicken, giving way to clumsier footsteps and the sound of something roaring in the distance, you perk upwards. 

Your entire body slams to a halt, startling San who walks behind you. Jerking upwards, your one eye darts over to Yeosang, who stands with Jongho at his side, already looking at you. There’s this look in their eyes; something fond and gentle – an expression you’ve begun to recognize. They watch you as you begin to piece together the information you’ve gathered of this little trip, smiles on their faces as you realize where they’ve taken you. 

At your side, San begins to bend forward, his hands reaching out to pull at the laces of your boots and chuckling beneath his breath. You reach out to stabilize yourself on his shoulder as you make a sound of confusion. 

‘What’s going on?’ you try to question without speaking.

At your back, Yunho runs a hand down your spine and soothes the tension in your shoulders. You reach back, grasping his hand with a strength that surprises you and draw that oscillating squiggle across the back of his hand with a bewildered expression. 

‘What’s happening?’ 

There’s another word you want to say. One you don’t have a translation for. A word you’ve never spoken or seen. 

Ocean. The sea. 

You don’t have a word for it. 

But you can smell it now. That salty, fresh sort of scent with a hint of something you cannot place. Just like Yeosang described. 

The sea. 

San taps your leg, garnering your attention and helping you lift your foot so you can place it on his knee. He’s kneeling at your feet, one leg propped up to lift your foot and the other in the sand beneath him. The healer pulls at your laces, beginning to untie your shoes and pull them from your feet with a grin. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he murmurs with that low timber that makes you shiver. “Let’s get these off.”

Your held tilts in confusion. Seonghwa chuckles behind you, leaning into Mingi’s side and shooting a look over at Wooyoung. “Gotta take your shoes off unless you want sand in the soles, Bug. It’ll be a pain to walk back with all that in ‘em. I promise you’ll never be able to get it all out.” 

Hongjoong laughs from beside Jongho, the Captain throwing his head back with a knowing grin. “Speaking from experience, huh, darling?” 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes and ignores his lover, dropping a hand to intertwine with Wooyoung’s. The younger eagerly locks their fingers together, smiling happily and leaning his head onto Seonghwa’s shoulder as you process everything. 

The others begin to pull off their own shoes, tying them to their packs or holding the laces in their fingers. Mingi laughs and pushes Wooyoung when he bends over to undo his laces, and when Wooyoung stumbles, he shouts indignantly and lurches upwards for revenge. Seonghwa laughs and tries to settle them, only to end up yanked out of the way by a grinning Yeosang. Wooyoung and Mingi screech at each other, beginning to race down the sand towards the roaring sound that continues to swell in the distance. 

You worriedly look down at San, his dark irises already looking up at you with adoration swirling behind them. The healer pulls off your sock and carefully sets your foot back onto the sand, watching as you marvel at the plush, cool material beneath the soles of your feet. 

“C’mon, tiny,” Yunho laughs behind you, chest rumbling as he speaks. The vibration echoes through your back from how close the warrior is pressed against you. He grins when you shiver pleasantly. “We’ve gotta catch up.” 

San lifts your other foot delicately and places it on his waiting knee, repeating the process of taking off your shoe and sock before he ties the laces together and stores them away in his pack. Before he sets your foot back onto the sand, San’s eyes twinkle with something mischievous.

He leans forward and drags his fingers across the skin of your calf, eyes crinkling as he smiles. You look back down at him with your stomach fluttering pleasantly, watching as San leans forward and presses his lips to the side of your calf. 

Oh. 

His lips skate over the muscle and his hand rests where your thigh connects with the knee. You feel your breathing still. Air catches in your lungs, and some burst of emotion lurches into your throat as you stop and stare down at the healer with one widened eye. You can feel the smile on San’s soft lips as he drags his mouth from your calf to your knee, kissing your skin sweetly as he goes. He drifts over scars both fresh and faded, but does not stop moving as he ascends up your calf. San leaves a trail of goosebumps in his wake, your skin practically shivering under his touch and lighting ablaze when he pulls away.

Oh. 

You stare open-mouthed at the healer when San finally slides a hand down your leg and deposits it onto the sand. You lick your lips once, trying desperately to come up with words to say, but there’s nothing. Just the trail of blazing heat San left behind and a roaring fire beginning to spread inside your chest. You can practically feel the heat in your face, and you lift a hand to palm at your cheek as San watches with a teasing grin. Your figure practically vibrates as you shiver through the emotion bursting through you. 

“San…” 

Said healer mimics your shiver as you whisper his name, fingers dancing along your calf before he stops. He presses one final kiss to your knee, at the crease of the joint, and this time your eye slides shut with a shiver. The plush feeling of his lips against your skin is ambrosia for your soul and the barest touch of moisture is left behind when he finally pulls away. 

He looks up at you with honey in his irises, hand skating down your calf once more and smiles. 

“C’mon, Bug. We’ve got places to be,” he teases, saccharine timber never failing to make you melt. 

As if he wasn’t the one distracting you. 

Finally, you’re able to squeeze his shoulder thankfully and San beams up at you in the way that makes those sweet little dimples poke out of his cheeks. You nearly lean forward to caress a finger of the indents that make your heart mushy, but still as the cool sand sinks between your toes. 

It’s… soft. 

The sand melts beneath your soles like butter, cradling your heels and caressing your skin like silk. You wiggle your toes and awe at the feeling, watching the sand shift and move with your lips just barely parted in wonder. San watches from your feet, his gentle eyes roaming over your partly-concealed face and grinning at the expression plastered across your features. Your lips are parted, but just barely, taking deep breaths to inhale the fresh air of the sea breeze and one eye dilated with awe. San's heart thumps vibrantly beneath his ribs, a song of your name. It calls out to you sweetly, and San swears that when he runs his hand across the bare skin of your leg, brushing over scars and broken skin, he can hear your heart call his name in return. 

Your one eye darts upwards to meet your Captain’s gaze. 

Hongjoong stares at you with some ineffable softness in his expression. He reaches a hand out to grasp your fingers, helping you step forward away from San. The healer stands from his kneeling position, his own footwear now missing, and joins you at your side. 

“You like it?” Hongjoong whispers as you near. 

The vigorous nod of your head is almost comical, and Hongjoong chuckles beneath his breath. Yes. Yes you like it. 

San beams at your side, unable to stop the mirthful sound of his laughter. It erupts from his chest in that giggling way that you adore. You tilt your head to look at him, your chest swelling and heart thumping with the tumultuous feelings surging within you. San reaches out to run a hand down your arm and you lean close offering a single line of ‘thanks’ across his palm. 

Yunho leans forward and pecks a kiss across your forehead, directly over the mask concealing the right half of your face and then turns to walk after Wooyoung and Mingi, San at his heels. He doesn’t acknowledge the kiss, but your heart jumps into your throat regardless. Your fingers itch to follow him, twitching in an attempt to reach for him, but you turn back to your Captain instead. 

Hongjoong is still looking at you, that ineffable softness still radiating from him. “C’mon, angel. Let’s go see the ocean.” 

You’ve never been more excited. 

Hongjoong begins pulling you in the direction the others have disappeared in, following them over the dunes of sand. At first, he pulls your awestruck figure behind him as you make your way through the deeping sand, turning back to watch you marvel at the grains of white and cream colored grains. Your feet drag, slowing the two of you down as you continue to look down at the sand beneath you. At one point, you can’t resist the temptation and you stop, carefully pulling your hand from Hongjoong’s to bend at the knees and drop into the sand. 

“Woah, angel!” Hongjoong gasps as you let go of his hand and urgently drop into the earth below. “Careful!” 

Dragging your fingers through the silky material, you watch the tiny pieces of sediment cascade back into the hills beneath you as they trail between your fingers. The sand is cool to the touch and gentle as it scratches against your skin. You thought it would be rough, but it’s not. Not this sand anyway. 

Seonghwa chuckles behind you, stopping to drop his hands beneath your shoulders and gently lift you back up to your feet. The others are little specks in the distance, just a few hundred yards away. The eldest carefully sets you on your feet and slides a hand down to intertwine with your own. 

“C'mon, lovebug. We haven’t even reached the good part yet.” 

The good part? You wonder. How could it possibly get any better than this? 

But as the crashing sound gets louder with each step you take and the smell of salt continues to grow stronger, you begin to realize what the good part is. 

Soon after, it becomes you dragging Hongjoong and Seonghwa through the sand dunes. Eagerly tugging them behind you as you race towards the others, you sink into the sand and stumble a few times, only catching yourself when either member scrambles to grab your waist. You push quicker through the deepening sand each time you right yourself, racing through the dunes until you finally see it. 

The sea. 

And you stop moving. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa nearly crash into your back as you freeze, body halting at the top of the sand dune. Your one eye is transfixed on the view before you, mouth parted and body slack with awe. 

Waves are crashing along the shore, breaking into foamy surf as they collide with the cream-colored sand. There are little birds with thin, long legs dancing in the shoreline, pecking at things in the packed sand. You watch with fascination as they rush away in a flock from an oncoming wave. When the foam finally settles, they return to their feeding grounds, continuing to peck away at something beneath the darker sand. The smell of salt fills your senses and there’s a brush of water against your skin as a breeze carries a mist of salt onto the shoreline. 

You’ve never seen so much… color before. 

The ocean is blue. Green too, and teal and dark and bright, and every color in the range you can possibly think of. It’s aquamarine in the peaks of crashing waves and a darker cyan in the deepness of the salty water. There’s pale blue, creamy skies and even paler cream-colored clouds. You nearly wish you could reach out and touch one. 

It’s wonderful. And it’s so much more than you think you deserve. 

With awe on your features and mouth slightly parted, you stare mystified at the sea before you. Hongjoong steps up beside you, the others starting to circle back to stand nearby. They just stand there… watching you for a minute. 

They watch your one pupil dilate and your expression softens into wonderous glee. Their hands intertwine with each other, fingers squeezing one another and hearts thumping happily in their chests. There’s pride there, and affection too, roaring madly beneath their skin and calling out to the sea with a throaty, triumphant call. 

You like it. You like the sea. 

And they like you. 

Hongjoong slides a hand down your arm until he can gently link your scarred fingers with his own. Your attention briefly shifts away from the sea to look over at your captain. 

His soft brown hair rustles as the sea breeze flutters through the strands, and Hongjoong smiles. Eyes scrunching into a beaming grin, the one that you like so much, he offers a squeeze of your palm. The scar crossing his one eye moves with his expression and you adore the way it looks when he smiles. Chocolate brown irises flicker in the brightness of the sunlight and for a moment, you think you much prefer the color of his eyes than the enchanting blue-green of the sea. 

But it’s tough competition, of course. 

Hongjoong squeezes your hand once more, fully drawing your attention back to him, and he leans close to carefully grasp the side of your face. His palm gently cups your mask, stroking his thumb over the tough material with a delicateness you cannot fathom deserving. But he touches you regardless, even if it's the mask instead of your skin. Hongjoong doesn’t care that you continue to wear it. None of them do. It’s a part of you, and they’ll continue to care for you all the same. 

“Are you happy?” The Captain inquires, licking his lips as he watches you. 

The vigor in your nod nearly makes him laugh. His beaming grin only seems to widen and you find yourself stunned at how beautiful he looks happy. 

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy, angel.” 

You want to ask something else. Something about why your little clan has ventured this far or perhaps something else, but you can’t begin to find the words for it. 

You don’t need to though. 

Hongjoong leans closer, his warm, umber eyes scanning your features as he whispers something only for you to hear. 

“Happy birthday, Bug.” 

You barely register the sentiment before your captain leans forward and gently presses his lips to the crown of your head. 

You don’t breathe. Too frightened that any movement will force him to pull away, you stay remarkably still and stare numbly into Hongjoong’s chest. 

His lips linger for a long moment against your hairline, and you feel the warmth of his exhale against your scalp. The feeling makes your stomach flutter pleasantly and suddenly your body feels like you’re going to vibrate out of sheer enjoyment. Another shiver tickles its way up your spine and you finally exhale shakily. Reaching a hand upwards, you clutch onto the hand Hongjoong has still cupping your cheek. 

Her heart finally throbs with a dull ache. 

Your birthday? 

You didn’t even think… 

Hongjoong exhales softly and bends to drop a second kiss onto your mask, just above where your right eye would be. It throbs suddenly, but not so painfully this time. 

Your birthday. 

They came all this way for you? 

All of this… leaving the camp, walking all this way, spending nights on the road, showing you the sea for the first time… they did this to celebrate your birthday? 

Your heart hurts. 

No one has ever done that for you before. 

You suppose Yunho and Daia tried once… but that didn’t end so well. Salt wells behind your one eye and your lip twitches just once, but it's enough for Hongjoong to catch. Your chest aches with the memory of your mother. It’s a hurt you could never quite soothe. 

The Captain’s smile is still bright when he pulls away but there’s a sadness beneath the joy. No, not sadness, you suppose. Something empathetic – something… bittersweet. 

Hongjoong knows. They all do. 

“My birthday?” Your mouth parts to let out the croaked sound. Your voice has gotten better. The deeper, rough tone of your voice has begun to fade after finally learning to use it again. It’s beginning to return to what it used to be – slow and steadily. 

From behind you, Yeosang hums deeply. You recognize the sound without turning to look at him. His voice always carries that undertone of sweet and smooth honey, and you can’t find any other way to describe it. 

“Yeah, honey. You told me you’ve never seen the sea, right? We thought it would make a good birthday present.” 

The healer is standing behind Hongjoong, San and Wooyoung at his sides and the rest of Ateez just beyond. They’re all here. For you. 

You shift on your feet, barely able to restrain the wetness of your one eye as you attempt to face them. Your heart still throbs, but it’s more of a pleasant ache – a good one. A sea breeze rustles your hair. Three silver rings click against your mask; a comforting sound that reminds you of home – of Yunho. The scent of salt in the air fills you with warmth and the silky sand beneath your feet cradles you in the earth’s gentle hands. The world itself seems to wrap around you in its kindness, delicately embracing you as if asking for forgiveness. 

It feels like your mother – like the hugs you can barely remember. 

The burn of tears returns tenfold. 

You’ve never celebrated your birthday before. It was never a day others regarded with joy, so you supposed it was only fair to see it the same way. You don’t even really know what day you were born. Father never told you – he never told anyone. 

But… perhaps this day – the day Ateez has chosen for you – can be your birthday. Maybe this time it doesn’t have to be a bad thing anymore. 

“We wanted to show you something new. Something good. Do you like it?” Wooyoung whispers as you process your feelings. His voice is apprehensive, as if he isn’t quite sure how you’ll respond to celebrating your birthday. You can barely hear him over the roaring sound of waves colliding with the shoreline and birds peeping in the surf. 

You’re already throwing yourself into Wooyoung’s arms before a moment of silence can pass. You crash into his chest with a crooned sound, a desperate cry of joy. 

“Yes!” You finally croak, the word sounding more like a sob than an agreement. “Yes, I like it!”

Wooyoung laughs happily as he wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck with a joyful sound. His chest vibrates with his laughter and you love the way it feels against your body. One of your hands slides out from between you and you urgently grasp ahold of Yeosang’s shirt and tug him into your pile with a quick movement. San follows soon after, lured in by Wooyoung’s touch and suddenly you’re buried beneath a mountain of Ateez’s warmth. 

Another wet sob leaves your lips, but it’s much closer to a laugh this time. 

“I love it…” 

And we love you. 

He doesn’t say it aloud, but Wooyoung hopes you hear it anyway. 

Seonghwa lets out a hearty laugh despite it sounding wet with his own tears, and he wraps an arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders as he tugs his captain close. The leader’s eyes are watery as he and the archer pile into your embrace. Mingi and Yunho follow quickly after, with the tallest of the two reaching out to snag Jongho’s tunic. The youngest is already moving, sliding beneath Yeosang’s arm to nuzzle into the healer’s side. One of his hands nestles between his lover’s ribs, resting atop your bicep. You push closer into their hands, warm and happy and still softly crying. 

You love it. 

It cannot possibly get any better than this. Not even the comforting breeze of the ocean air brushing over your skin nor the warmth of any roaring campfire could rival this feeling. There’s no warmth in the world that can surmount the heat of Ateez embracing you. Their hands carefully sweeping over skin leaves trails of pleasant heat in their wake, and the throb of your aching heart is only soothed by a soft coo leaving San’s lips. Wooyoung slides a hand over your head, pulling you closer into his neck, and you feel a bigger hand – Yunho’s, you know – scratch gently over your scalp. Another settles onto your hip, rubbing gentle circles into the bone. They’re Seonghwa’s, you recognize the calluses on his two fingers when they brush over the skin of your bare hip. Mingi’s hand settles across your back, resting between your shoulder blades. His firm touch and big hands are easy to decipher. Jongho’s wrap around your arm, strong and steadfast, just like you know him to be. Your captain’s smaller hand finds your fingers, sliding between them as you grip onto San with a fierce grip. 

Hongjoong’s hands tremble when he twists his grip to drag a line down your left ring finger. His gaze finds yours, a watery smile on his lips when your mouth parts in shock and your one eye dilated beyond comprehension. The Captain finishes drawing the line at the tip of your nail, where each of his fingers meets the end of each of yours. Then Hongjoong slides his hand into yours and squeezes three times. 

Yunho must have taught him that one. 

Because no one else has ever uttered those words to you – least of all meant them. 

Your grip tightens fervently, pulling until you can press Hongjoong’s hand into your chest and let him feel the racing pulse of your heart. It slams into your ribs with a thunderous pace, beating in a pattern you hope he can discern. You pull your head from Wooyoung’s neck just slightly. Just enough to lean down and press your lips to Hongjoong’s fingers. 

You hope he knows what it means. 

He does. 

“Happy birthday, tiny,” Yunho murmurs into the shared space between the nine of you. “We’re so happy you’re here.” 

You weep. 

Ateez spends three nights and four days at the beach. 

On the first, you don’t have the courage to venture too far into the shore. The roaring of waves crashing onto the sand is intimidating when you don’t know how to swim. You settle for watching the others splash and wrestle in the shallow sea. Their shouts of glee are enough joy to warm your heart. 

You watch Mingi grapple with Hongjoong on the shoreline, huffing softly with a grin when Mingi inevitably gets the upper hand. The guard lifts Hongjoong over his shoulder and laughs deeply as he storms his way towards the sea. 

“Put me down!” Hongjoong roars, smacking his hand against Mingi’s back. “Mingi!” 

The guard only laughs and spins the two of them in the shallows as he wades deeper into the waves. 

“Don’t you dare!” 

You watch as Mingi laughs brightly once more, calling out a “too late!” as he unceremoniously dumps his captain into the sea.  

Hongjoong dunks beneath the water with a roar, and for a moment you worry he won’t emerge again. He does, however, and lurches from the waves with an undignified shout and lunges towards Mingi as he laughs. 

“Get back here!” 

You grin and watch the two continue to wrestle in the waves. 

Jongho takes you onto the nearby rocks and shows you the wonders of tide pools. He and Yeosang spent years living by the sea, and he murmurs hundreds of little facts about each of the animals he can find. Crouching down by a shallow pool, Jongho reaches into the cool water and ever so carefully lifts a sea star from the water. He cradles it delicately, leaving it half submerged as he pulls you closer with his other hand. 

“This is a sea star,” he whispers, looking up at you and gesturing for you to crouch beside him. “You want to feel? You won’t hurt it.” 

 When you crouch at his side, Jongho pulls your hand towards him with a smile. Bent at the knees, you lean into his side and watch with a bated breath and marvel at the texture of the sea star still carefully held in Jongho’s hands. It’s soft and squishy beneath your delicate touch and you huff a smile as you watch with a mystified expression. 

You watch some of the tiny feet of the sea star wiggle in Jongho’s hand and whip your head over to face him with a question on your lips. 

Jongho is already looking at you, watching you instead of the sea star in his hands. He’s smiling, softly and sweetly, his eyes fixed on your one eye. They drift from your left one to where your right would be if not hidden behind the mask, then he drops them to your lips. Your breath stutters and you swallow shyly before Jongho lifts his eyes back to your own. 

He smiles, as if nothing happened and continues, “See the poky creatures down here? The ones that look like they have needles? Those are urchins. The sea stars will eat those.” 

It takes more effort than you’d like to admit to pull your gaze away from Jongho’s face. 

At another tidal pool, Jongho points out a creature he calls an anemone. The vibrant teal and green color of its shape mystifies you and you lean closer to investigate it. Listening carefully to Jongho’s explanation of the anemone, you look back up at him with a question in your eyes. 

“Yeah, you can touch that one too. Be careful though.” 

You don’t understand his warning but carefully drop your hand into the pool to delicately caress the anemone anyway. The chill waters surround your skin and you lean closer to touch the creature, you let out a startled squeal when its sticky tentacles wrap themselves around your finger. Surprised, you lurch away from the pool, confusion in your face and hands braced on the rock beside you. 

Jongho laughs so hard you think he might choke. 

You turn to look at him with furrowed brows and an upset pout on your lips, a little disgruntled Jongho didn’t tell you that would happen. 

The youngest continues to laugh at the utter confusion in your expression, finally bracing himself against you and apologizing. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, Bug. I couldn’t help myself!” 

You frown and push gently at his chest, posing a little miffed at Jongho’s teasing. The youngest snorts and pulls you closer to his chest, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” he laughs. “We should wash your hands though, the stingers on those anemones can leave toxins on your skin. I don’t want you to touch your face without cleaning your hands first.”

You huff and nod, letting him lead you away from the rocks and towards the others. When you find San, you race away from Jongho and bury yourself into his chest with a pretend pout. The healer wraps you up in his embrace without question, turning to look at Jongho with a raised brow. Jongho rolls his eyes and laughs. 

Seonghwa and Wooyoung take you to collect shells in the afternoon. 

Your footprints linger in the sand behind you as you hold the archer’s hand and walk along the shoreline. The sand is packed beneath your feet closer to the shore and you find that there are all sorts of different shells just above the water line. 

You recognize some of the larger, smoother shells Yeosang and San use to store medicine sometimes. They’re scallop-shaped and hollow in the middle, and the healers like to use them for creams or other ointments. Seonghwa helps you carry some back to the healers who gratefully pile your collection into one of their packs. They can always use more shells in the medical cavern. 

Further down the beach, you find a plethora of smaller shells and drop down into the sand to rummage through them. There’s hundreds of them, some twisting into points and others round at the edges. Some are still split into pieces and others are still whole. Some are closed like a locket. Seonghwa tells you to leave those ones alone – there’s still creatures living in those ones. You gasp and carefully set the shell back down into the sand ever so delicately. The archer smiles fondly at your care for the earth and her creatures. 

One of the bigger shells that washes up on the shore catches your attention, and you rush over to the pristine, cream colored object. Yeosang called these conches. When you excitedly turn over the shell, you’re startled to find a spiny looking creature inside. A large claw grazes your hand and your heart lurches. 

You shout in surprise, jerking away from the shell with a gasp. 

“Bug?!” 

Seonghwa is at your side in an instant, hands on your back and pulling you away from the shell. “What happened?” 

 He doesn’t know why you shouted at first, too worried something has hurt you. His hands slide across your shoulders, turning you to face him and urgently scanning you for injuries. But when he looks down at the crab claw emerging from the shell, Seonghwa feels his chest shake with quiet laughter. Your head jerks back to look at the archer.

“It’s alright, darling. You just startled the crab living inside this one. He won’t hurt you, honey.”

Each shell you turn over for the rest of the day is done carefully and gently, and Seonghea feels his heart tug affectionately at how cute you look doing so. You nudge one with a stick to see if any claws come out and Seonghwa has to bury his smile in Wooyoung’s shoulder. 

“She’s so precious,” the warrior murmurs under his breath. 

Seonghwa hums in agreement, his head lifting from his partner’s shoulder to find you waving them over excitedly. 

“We’re coming, sweetheart!” 

Wooyoung settles at your side with a grin and looks down at the smooth stones in your hands. There’s a few rocks mixed in with the more ornate looking shells you’ve gathered, and Wooyoung tilts his head in an attempt to decipher why you’ve called them over. 

“What’s goin’ on?” 

Seonghwa’s heart stutters at the beaming smile on your lips. You smile more and this is not the first he’s ever seen, but each time you look up at him with that grin on your face, Seonghwa feels his stomach flutter and pride swell from his gut. He almost bites down on his bottom lip to resist sending you back a grin of his own, but Seonghwa doesn’t. And he’s grateful he does, because the way your one eye crinkles with joy when he smiles down at you makes his cheeks burn and his skin tingle. 

“Look!” You urgently whisper, swallowing around the word to repress how sore your throat is. 

Directing his attention to the dark stones in your hands, Seonghwa’s brows furrow in confusion. 

“I don’t understand.” 

You lift the stone beside his face, pulling Wooyoung into your side as you do. The two of you face Seonghwa as the archer grows more confused. The dark brown, near ebony-colored stone is lifted just beside his temple and you watch with a marveled expression as you shift your gaze from the rock to his eyes. 

“What is it?” Seonghwa urges. 

Wooyoung grins, his teeth flashing as he laughs sweetly. His two-toned hair ruffles in the breeze and Wooyoung turns to face you, squeezing your hip as he slides an arm around you. 

“That’s a good find, Bug,” he murmurs, looking back up at Seonghwa with honey in his gaze. “The same shade as his eyes. It matches him perfectly.” 

You nearly vibrate with happiness, wiggling a little in Wooyoung’s arms as Seonghwa’s eyes crinkle. “Really?” 

You nod fervently, reaching for his hand and dropping the smooth stone into his hand and curling his fingers around it. Seonghwa holds the rock carefully, not looking away from your one eye as he lifts it to press into his heart. 

“Thank you, darling.” 

You smile again, just a little twitch of your lips and nod. Then you turn to Wooyoung and weasel your way out of his grip to hold another up for him. This stone is a similar shade as Seonghwa’s, but just different enough that Seonghwa can see where you’ve matched this one to the exact hue of Wooyoung’s umber irises. 

You hold it out to Wooyoung with a tilt of your head and Wooyoung has to resist the urge to lean forward and squish your cheeks. He’s rarely seen you so excited – so… at ease. It makes every muscle in his body eager with the urge to hold you close and squeeze you tight. 

“For me?”

You nod excitedly and Wooyoung accepts the stone with a skip of his pulse. “Thank you, baby.” 

He and Seonghwa exchange looks and Wooyoung slips the stone into his pocket, where he knows he’ll keep it safe. 

“Help me?” You whisper softly, gesturing to the plethora of stones and shells beneath you. “For the others.” 

“Of course.” 

The two help you find six more stones, one of each of the other members of Ateez. Each one is the exact shade of their eyes – colors you know by heart. 

Wooyoung cannot tell you that after the trip, the rest of the boys gather to look at the stones and shells you collected for them. He doesn’t tell you that Mingi finds some twine and they braid bands for each other, carefully depositing their gifts onto string and binding them to each other’s wrists. 

On the first night, the nine of you sleep around a bonfire. 

The crackling flames keep you warm from the evening’s cool breeze, but you don’t think you sleep at all. The excitement and pure glee from the day keeps you awake. Adrenaline still roars through your veins and you settle for watching the stars for a moment longer. You find the twinkling shape of Polaris easily, and whisper your thanks up at her, just like you do every night since Jongho pointed her out. 

She winks back. 

The fire continues to crackle and the smell of wood burning soothes your nerves. Eventually, you pull yourself from your bed roll, carefully maneuvering away from Yunho’s warm chest and wrap your blanket around your shoulders. Quietly, you make your way over to the massive piece of driftwood facing the shore. 

Then, you drop silently beside Mingi, who sits and watches the sea. It’s technically his watch, but the guard faces the ocean as if he cannot bring himself to look away. 

Mingi does not startle when you find your place at his side, only shifting slightly to allow you to get comfortable. As you settle, you scooch as close as you can towards Mingi’s broad chest. Your side presses into his as you rest your weight against him and Mingi smiles, still looking at the sea. He easily accommodates your weight and wraps an arm around your shoulder, covering both your forms with his blanket. You snuggle close, burying your face into his neck and continue to watch the waves crash against the shore as the moon illuminates their peaks. 

You sit there for hours. Though you cannot sleep, excitement still pumping through your body, you find staying awake with Mingi is just as nice. Far more comforting, you’d even say. Mingi’s body heat keeps you pleasantly warm and his big arm stays wrapped around your waist. Soon after you settle, the guard drops his cheek onto your head and he breathes slow and deep. 

Even when Yeosang relieves him of his shift, taking over his place for watch, Mingi remains still. The two of you stay there until neither of you can keep your slowly fluttering lids open any longer. 

Yunho finds the two of you in the morning, and he kisses Mingi awake with a sweet grin and soft eyes. He brushes a hand through your hair and drops a kiss onto your head, eventually dropping onto your other side where he wraps an arm around both you and Mingi as the three of you watch the sunrise. 

The second day, you finally find the courage to venture into the waves with San and Yunho at your sides. Yeosang stands in the waves, waiting for you. 

San leads the way, walking backwards into the surf and holding both your hands. Yunho stands beside you, one of his arms reaching out to steady you and reassure you that he’s still there. You make eye contact with Yeosang and he winks at you. The honey-haired healer grew up in the sea. You know that if anything goes wrong, Yeosang will know what to do. 

“Let’s go, tiny. You’ve got this,” Yunho encourages, softly nudging you forward as you apprehensively toe the water line. 

You can’t swim. And you’ve never ventured into the sea before. 

It’s a little daunting, but the dimples on San’s cheeks and the smile on his lips encourages you to keep walking. You clutch his hands with a vice grip and gasp as the cold, salty waves cascade over your toes. 

“Sorry, lovebug. It’s a little cold.”

San laughs as you throw him a withering look. That information would have been helpful before you stepped into the sea. Yeosang laughs at your side, rubbing a hand along your waist and watching you shiver at the warmth of his touch. 

No matter how many times they touch you, you cannot help the way it makes you feel. 

“A little further and we can stop,” San murmurs, squeezing your hand when you stumble in the sand and pulling you closer. “C’mon, baby.” 

A few steps further and you stand at Yeosang’s side, digging your toes into the plush sand beneath your feet and marveling at how the waves lap at your knees. It’s cold, but you don’t mind since it’s a reprieve from the midday sun. When you turn your back to the sea, a strong wave pushes you closer to San and he laughs when you stumble into his chest. Water splashes upwards, and you get your first taste of seawater. 

“Woah!” San laughs, steadying you by the waist and watching as you stick your tongue out with an indignant sound. He can’t help the way laughter bubbles from his chest. You look positively betrayed by the ocean, as if the taste of salt on your tongue personally offends you. 

Yunho and Yeosang dissolve into giggles behind San, leaning onto each other to support themselves. Your one eye narrows and you shoot them an angry look, but San thinks you look more like an angry, wet cat than anything scary. Of course, he would never tell you that.

“I’m sorry, Bug!” Yunho laughs. “You just look so funny!” 

San listens to you grumble something under your breath, something that sounds like ‘showing him something funny,’ and then you bend at the waist and splash a mountain of water in his direction. 

Yunho guffaws at the betrayal and San dissolves into his own laughter, bending at the waist and bracing a hand on his chest as he cackles. Your grin is positively menacing, Yeosang decides. He wonders if you’ll become as much of a brat as Wooyoung if this continues. 

Yunho, now drenched in salt water and wet hair dripping into his eyes, enacts revenge and lunges towards you. San, ever the sweetheart, throws himself in between you and Yunho and the two sink into the waves with smiles. 

Eventually, when your skin begins to wrinkle from the time you spend in the waves and the sun begins to set, Yeosang and you step away from the shore to settle against the same piece of driftwood that marks your temporary camp. Yeosang sits atop the log and you lay just below him on the sand. You lean against his leg, just watching the rest of the boys continue to dance and swim in the surf. The sound of their laughter makes your heart happy and their gleaming smiles leave a grin of your own on your lips. 

It’s nice – smiling again, you mean. It’s a gift from Ateez they have not realized they’ve given, but you take care to treasure it regardless. 

You wrap an arm around Yeosang’s tattooed calf, your fingers occasionally dragging along the pattern of thorns that descend from his thigh. They wind around his leg, ending at the bone of his ankle and you’ve seldom been able to keep your hands away from the obsidian ink since he showed you. This, of course, is much to Yeosang’s delight, and the honey-haired healer can barely resist the way he beams so brightly when your delicate hands skim across his tattoos again. He loves it when you touch him. 

Mingi and Seonghwa leave the shoreline after a few minutes. They step away from the water to stoke the bonfire at the center of your makeshift camp. The flickering amber hues dance along burning bark and release a pleasant aroma onto the beach. You inhale deeply and lean further into Yeosang, humming happily when one of his hands reaches out to scratch along your scalp. 

Head scratches have become one of your weaknesses, you suppose. All it takes is for one of them to run their nails along your head and you’ll sink into their embrace with a happy sigh and mushy bones. 

When Mingi is satisfied with the roar of the campfire, he and Seonghwa press kisses to Yeosang’s hair and brush fingers over your hairline as they pace back towards the shore. 

A harmonious shout of glee leaves San’s lips as Jongho tackles him into the shallow surf, and there’s an uproar of laughter from amongst the boys. San shouts something along the lines of being cold and twists in the waves in an attempt to pin Jongho beneath him. Jongho, easily the strongest of the nine of you, maintains his place above San but spits salt water out of his mouth in surprise when his partner douses him with a splash. In revenge, Jongho prepares to dunk San’s head beneath the water, only to be tackled into the sea by Yunho. The youngest lets out a squawk of surprise as he sinks into the water and the laughter begins again. 

You turn your head towards Yeosang, resting your cheek against his knee and looking up at him with your one eye. You nudge him gently with your knuckles, drawing his attention to you. 

“Are you going to join them?” 

The honey-haired healer barely catches your question over the cacophony in the surf, but he smiles at the sound of your voice. He slides a hand deeper into your hair and scratches against the nape of your neck, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when your eye flutters shut briefly. 

His eyes, chocolate brown and gleaming with the flicker of flames before you, are warm and strong. They look down at you like you’re the only thing he sees – the only thing he wants to see. 

It’s familiar. This moment is too. 

Shivering gently from the weight of his gaze and bones feeling mushy and warm, you look up at Yeosang and wait patiently for his answer. 

“No, not yet,” he whispers in return, expression soft and eyes tender. “I’m very happy where I am right now.” 

You inhale deeply through your nose, recalling when he spoke the same words so long ago. The exhale that shudders through your lungs is accompanied by the sound of Yeosang’s deep, honey-sweet voice. 

“I‘m happy here with you.” 

He finally has the courage to say it. 

You look away from Yeosang so he doesn’t see the water welling in your lone eye. The stroke of thanks you brush across his skin is enough to let him know what you mean. The swell of electricity zinging beneath your skin leaves you breathless and you lean into Yeosang’s legs to combat the shift in emotion. 

The healer hums sweetly in response, unable to look away from you. He examines you as you watch his partners, lifting his head when another uproar of laughter erupts when Hongjoong overpowers Wooyoung in whatever game they’re playing in the waves. 

But when you glance back at Yeosang shyly, you see it. 

You see the way he looks at you now. 

With stars in his gaze and affection glimmering in the shine of his irises, you see the way Yeosang’s features melt so sweetly as he watches you. He looks at you the way he looks at them; like he’s staring at his very heart and soul – like there’s nothing else in the world he’d rather gaze upon than your face warmed by the flicker of roaring flames and your one eye finally staring back into his. No apprehension, this time. No fear or confusion or worry or an amalgamation of all of them together. You just… look back at him. 

Just like how he looks at you. 

When Seonghwa and Mingi rejoin the parade, kicking up salt water and spinning through the shallows, the boys cheer gleefully and begin to dance. It’s chaotic and a mess of stumbling and laughter, but it’s dancing nonetheless. The sound of their joy is infectious and spreads along the beach until it reaches you and Yeosang.

But he’s not listening to them. He’s listening to you. His ears are trained on the sound that erupts from his feet, bubbling from your lips in a noise he’s been praying to hear. 

Laughter. 

You’re laughing. 

There’s this bright, heart-stopping smile spread across your lips as you look up at Yeosang and listen to your family dance on the beach. Your shoulders shake softly with the movement of your laughter, and Yeosang can feel the vibrations of your chest pressed against his leg. It starts as a muffled giggle, barely concealed by your smile, but it deepens into a hearty laugh from deep in your belly. 

He cannot tear his eyes from you. 

You laugh. 

You laugh and you look up at him with stars in your eyes and his heart in your hands, and it takes every fiber of his strength not to lean forward and drown himself in the taste of your lips. It’s all he wants – all he needs, he swears it. One taste of your lips would sate him for life, even though he knows he’d never be able to tear himself away again. 

When you lean upwards, grabbing ahold of his fingers and pulling them towards you, Yeosang’s mouth parts to suck in a breath. 

You kiss his fingers. 

By the Gods, maybe that was a lie. One kiss would never be enough to sate him – there would never be enough of your touch or your kisses that could ever appease his soul. Even if he were immortal and your paths intertwined until the last of the stars burned from the sky, not even then would he have enough of you. 

You laugh again, grinning up at Yeosang with a toothy smile and the corner of your mouth digging into your mask. If he wasn’t already sitting, he swears he would drop to his knees at your side. 

He loves it – the sounds of your laughter. No matter how raw or croaked the sound is, he adores it. The sound of your voice once made his heart race with glee, but this… This is different. 

It’s so much more. 

This is joy. Unbridled and unashamed and so clearly you. It’s your laughter, your glee, your happiness that sinks beneath his sin and lights his nerves on fire. It’s your smile and your giggles that make his heart swell. Yeosang adores it. He adores you. 

He cannot help the way he slides off the driftwood log and into the sand at your side. Yeosang is pulling you into his chest before you can question his actions. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls your head into his neck, pressing you as tight to his chest as he possibly can. 

“You’re laughing…” he whispers as he huffs in disbelief. “Bug! You’re laughing!” 

The second time Yeosang utters the phrase, it’s shouted cheerfully as he squeezes you tight into his chest. His heart thumps brazenly beneath his ribs, and he can feel the pulse of yours against his own. You giggle again, wiggling to readjust yourself as you sink into the honey of his embrace. Yeosang’s heart trills excitedly again. 

Yunho’s head darts upwards from the beach, startled by Yeosang’s call. 

“What?” 

San hears Yunho’s whispered disbelief and stands from the surf, attention drawn over towards you and Yeosang. “What did he just say?” 

“It’s Bug,” Hongjoong answers, standing behind Yunho with his eyes blown wide. His heart stutters once in his chest as he takes in the sight of your shoulders shaking gently with your giggles. He can’t hear the sound of them, but Gods does he wish he could. “Bug’s laughing.” 

“Holy shit…” 

Yunho takes off from the beach without another word. He doesn’t even hear who curses.

Sand kicks up from his feet as he sprints towards you and Yeosang with his heart in his throat and a watery grin on his lips. He doesn’t even need to turn around to know that San is the one on his heels. Yunho knows the sound of San’s muffled sobs just as well as he knows the beat of his heart. Wooyoung is not far behind, a bubble of laughter leaving his lips and a chain missing from his wrist. Nothing binds him to that place anymore. You set him free. 

Hongjoong and Mingi chase after the others, and the Captain manages to get some revenge for the day before as he shoves his guard into the surf on the way. Hongjoong’s mirthful chuckles as Mingi shouts are heard when Jongho pulls Seonghwa behind him, urging the archer to move faster. 

“Bug!” 

Your head pulls from Yeosang’s neck, that toothy grin still on your face just as Yunho collides with you and the honey-haired healer. The two of you sway as Yunho’s weight sinks into your figures, but Yeosang sets an arm down into the sand to support you. The black and white strands of San and Wooyoung’s hair drip with salt water as they throw themselves onto Yunho’s lap with a shout. Mingi follows just after, likely having passed Hongjoong on the beach with the length of his strides. He shakes his wet hair as he clings onto Yunho’s back and Wooyoung complains despite the fact that he’s already soaking wet. The giggly sound of Mingi’s laughter makes you chuckle again.

You laugh, as if it’s as easy as breathing. 

Yeosang watches, his eyes welling with happy tears as he continues to cling onto you with one hand. He watches you giggle and the others pile into your space and listens to his new favorite sound. 

Gods, he adores you. He adores them – this family. 

Yunho is crying, his lip wobbling as he buries his head into your hair. He’s at your back, chest shaking with the sound of his watery sobs. 

“Tiny…” he cries, but it’s a happy weep. You reach around to cling onto one of his hands. Yunho squeezes you tight, stealing the air right from your lungs, but you don’t need it. You would happily breathe in the pure euphoria of this moment instead. “Tiny, you’re laughing.” 

San buries his wet hair into your lap with a joyful sound and the giggles commence again. The healer’s heart throbs so strongly but so pleasantly he thinks it will burst. You have a laugh that makes others laugh with you. Just like Wooyoung, he realizes. 

Your other hand drops from Yeosang’s back to brush through San’s hair once and the healer looks up at you with glimmering half-moon eyes and a dimple poking out of his cheek. You allow your finger to poke the sweet little spot this time. His cheek muscles ache from how big his smile is. San nuzzles closer to your stomach and you let yourself shiver pleasantly, far too happy to deny yourself the joy of this moment. 

You’re pretty, San thinks to himself. So pretty. Especially when you laugh. 

Wooyoung melts into Hongjoong’s side and the Captain wraps an arm around his shoulder. They stand just behind Yunho, burying their happy tears into each other as Seonghwa pulls them close. Mingi and Jongho sink into the sand behind Yunho and pull each other tight. The taller guard squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips into Jongho’s forehead, desperately hoping all his adoration is conveyed through the kiss. Jongho reaches out to squeeze Yunho’s shoulder and rests his weight against his elder’s back. 

“I know,” you finally whisper into the space that separates you and Yunho. “I’m happy.” 

One hand lifts to pull the mask away from your face. Without a moment’s hesitation, your nimble fingers detangle the knot from behind you, and you drop the obsidian mask into the sand. A hand wraps around your fingers when you finally let it go. Someone draws a line along the length of your left ring finger and twines their fingers with your own. They squeeze three times. 

You repeat the gesture, tracing a finger down the fourth finger on their left hand, right over the thin, dark band you know is tattooed there. You squeeze their hand three times. This sign needs no translation. 

You open both eyes. 

“I’m so happy.” 

bonus:

stranger: so who would you choose; ateez or–

reader: ateez.

stranger: you didn't even let me finish, ateez or–

reader, not missing a beat: ateez. I choose ateez.

a/n: This currently takes place sometime after the main storyline (probably xD) so it accounts for the boys knowing parts of Bug’s past (not revealed but it’s mentioned they know). For now, I won't consider these oneshots canon simply because I won’t know where it fits in the timeline HAHA xD this is essentially just a little bit of fluffy comfort for those who have been missing Bug and the boys! I’m catching up on their story but I hope you enjoy this filler for now <33 ALSO disclaimer, don’t pick stuff out of tide pools! my marine biologist family is screaming at me for including that xD just leave the creatures alone in their habitats!

sorry if bug seems a little ooc here! Loren and I have decided that bug goes from black cat energy to golden retriever after enough time with atz :’))) This is supposed to take place sometime in the future where she’s healed a little more and is a little more curious and open. There are a lot of references to things that have yet to happen in ltm so this is kind of a teaser for those xD 

also shoutout to the loml @eightmakesonebraincell for the majority of the ideas in this :D she's a real one xD

taglist: *If you don't see your name on this taglist, you may have been removed if your tag doesn't work :( let me know if you don't see your name and I'll try to see what we can do to fix it :D

@verseoks @smallfrye @istgcyj @rensunjun @flowrsforfun @justchaoticwhispers @gayliljoong @http-lovelyknow @kpopnightingale @rielleluvs @queentiti72 @paralumanniluna @chittaphonstar @dear-dreamie @bangtanxberm @havetaeminforbreakfast @knucklesdeepmingi @pingyu-in-wonderland @5sos-wdw @atzcoke @ddeonghwva @sophxom @khjcoo @sunukissed @becauseiloveyunho @atinymonbebestay @goldenstarmermaid @simplyaghostsworld @multifandomizer @yeosangs-left-ass-cheek @revehosh @mysticfire0435 @side-angel @taestrwbrry @billboard-singer @jenseok17 @parkthothwa8 @jcngh0-hq @dream-in-progress @dees-writing-corner @frankenstein852 @darkdayelixer @ateezkeepmysoul @maruskz @ahhhhhhhhhghh @honeyhotteoks @simeonswhore @jxxngieteez

#ateez x reader #like the moon #poly!ateez x reader #poly ateez #ot8 x reader #ateez au #ateez x oc #poly ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez x female reader #kim hongjoong x reader #park seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #kang yeosang x reader #mingi x reader #choi san x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #ot8 ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez imagine #ateez fanfic #woosan x reader

[f4irys4n]

eating you out — maknae line

choi san

this man lives to eat pussy

he may not be perfect at it, he’s messy, and sometimes he may even overdo it trying to prove just how good he is. but god, does he make you feel good…

he has a huge sexual appetite, and i think that’s pretty obvious, but honestly it’s not even to get pleasure himself but to pleasure you; he could do it any and every day.

throw back to one time when you were literally on call to one of your classmates about a joint project and san was in between your legs the entire time, licking and sucking, making it extremely hard for you to hold up a conversation without moaning his name.

you could literally be laid on your bed, legs hiked up and within seconds san would be racing between your legs with a cheeky smirk on his face.

the type of man to spit on your pussy.. i did say he was messy.. he just loves seeing your wetness everywhere; on your thighs, his lips, his chin.. seeing your wet, sopping pussy just turns him on so much.

song mingi

now.. this man is a big pervert and he loves everything being so messy and dirty. he’s sloppy and messy when he eats you out, and he loves making you spill all over the place.

one of his favourite things to do is use toys on you whilst he eats you out. he'll either thrust a dildo into you whilst sucking and playing with your clit, or push a vibrator on your clit whilst his tongue explores your pretty hole. he knows how much it makes you whine so he can't help but use toys on you. he loves seeing you fall apart.

like i've said, he's a dirty man. and he loves eating you out whenever, but his favourite time to eat you out is straight after he's cum inside you. the second he'd finished pounding into you and filled you up, he'll automatically lower is head to your pussy and "clean you up" as he says, covering his lips in his cum to then give you the dirtiest kiss.

mingi loves seeing your body shake and shiver in pleasure. overstimulating you is his favourite thing to do with his tongue. seeing the way your body jolts and twitches when it's hand too much just makes his cock twitches.

much like san, he spits on your pussy when he's eating you out. like i said.. he likes it messy, real messy. he likes watches the wetness just trickle down your pussy, he finds it beyond irresponsible to look at.

he's pretty new to eating people out in general, so when he first started with you he was pretty nervous and shy about it, but over time he's gotten really cocky about how good he can make you feel with just his tongue.

jung wooyoung

for the love of god, this man IS perfect at eating pussy. if their was a god solely dedicated to eating pussy, it would in fact be wooyoung.

his tongue works absolute wonders, making you cum in minutes with how stimulated he makes you. his main aim is to make you cum at least a couple times before he even considers fucking you.

pussy slapping !!! it’s something he picked up recently, but randomly in the middle of fingering you and his lips were tightly wrapped around your clit, he pulled away and lightly slapped your clit just so he could hear your cute little yelps.

much like san, he could literally eat you out whenever, wherever. he’s always in the mood for a taste of your ‘pretty little fuckhole’ as he calls it.

this man has definitely made you cum multiple times in one encounter just with his tongue and fingers. it’d probably start off with wooyoung being mad at someone flirting with you, especially if they’re his friend, and even though you (and wooyoung) know you’d never thinking about moving on from him, wooyoung made it his mission to prove to you why he’s better than any other man… and hell did he prove it to you?

enjoys teasing you. he can be the biggest dick when it comes to teasing. you’ll be there eagerly waiting for his mouth and he’ll just lightly kiss around your thighs, eyes watching your face slowly get even more needy.

choi jongho

i’m all for dom jongho, he’s definitely a switch with a dom lean. but when it comes to eating you out, he gets a little shy. not because she isn’t good, but because you’re probably one of the only people he’s ever been with sexually; if not the only person; and he still gets nervous about it to this day.

he likes to ease you into it, he knows how sensitive you are, so she likes to start off with little kitten licks on your clit before he fully starts to work wonders on you.

jongho loves eating you out, it’s a big ego boost that he’s able to make you cum that hard with just his tongue. but ultimately, he much prefers fingering you, he likes how it allows her to hit that ‘perfect’ spot inside of you.

when eating you out, his fingers are his greatest ally. he likes watching you twitch and wiggle around at the pleasure both his hands and mouth is giving you.

i have a huge feeling that jongho would be really into public sex so there’s been many occasions where you’ve been hanging out with everyone at the arcades or a cafe and jongho’s pulled you off to the bathroom to have his way with you, legs spread and his tongue lapping over your wet pussy.

he loves giving you pleasure without any distractions, so he’s not really into anything like 69 because he’s not able to completely submerge himself in giving you pleasure.

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez imagine #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #san smut #mingi smut #wooyoung smut #jongho smut #san scenario #mingi scenario #wooyoung scenario #jongho scenario #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #smut #fluff #angst #imagine

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Where Do I Go

bodyguard!jongho x reader (royal?au)

genre and warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive, violence warning

word count: 23k

synopsis: you're the owner of hotel crescent in mist island, where secrets are traded. you're infamously known as the gossip-dealer and known for manipulating people, which means you're not safe. however, the last thing you expect is your power-hungry father to send jongho to be your bodyguard, but you suspect it's not because he fears for your safety but because he wants to keep tabs on you as he joins prince woobin's side while you join prince hongjoong's side. as your father comes from eden to mist island to become the minister of foreign affairs, the political situation between the two nations worsen and you fear for war, but you risk your life for your homeland, and find jongho joining hands with you as you both uncover secrets and betrayals from your father.

You clicked the necklace into place as you stood in front of the mirror, admiring how the ruby provided a starking contrast with your midnight blue gown, the square neckline making a display of your collarbones, the sleeves full and fitted just like the bodice after which it fell in an elegant flair down to your ankles. You clicked your fingers and the maid arrived behind you, fixing the tied curls in your hair upon your indication. Everything about you screamed mystery and power, and you both loved and hated that. 

“I’ll be back soon after midnight- have a warm bath prepared for me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the maid bowed before leaving and you stepped into your matching flats. For the past half an hour your maid had basically polished you- styling your hair into an elegant but messy bun, doing your routine makeup, dressing you up. It was time to get to the counter and deal with your ‘customers’. You took a deep breath, glancing at the sword that was hanging as a decoration in the living room. Smiling, you left the room and walked downstairs, greeting the maids and waitresses that bowed to you before settling behind the counter, your usual spot where you managed the guests- of course, that was also a pretence among the other things about your personality.

“Good morning, Sakura. I hope everything is in order today.”

“Madame Lee,” the receptionist bowed, motioning you to take her seat- she would now be moving to the other desk until you leave. “Everything is well. I hope you’re doing well.”

“Absolutely,” you smiled, waiting until she was out of sight before you sat and pulled out the register, sitting on your seat and glancing at the few customers you had- some of them were residing temporarily here, while the others dropped by for breakfast- either to meet a resident or to mingle. You sighed, feeling a little bored- you always did, in the mornings it always got interesting around evening, when the people present would exchange gossip and secrets, make decisions that could change the course of this little island that was home to many- Mist Island. 

Of course, no matter whether you were busy or not, time flew. You had quite a few interesting guests in your hotel today, and right now, almost 10 in the night, you were dealing with a… difficult client who was testing your patience with every passing minute.

“Look, Madame,” he began, his eyes travelling all over you as he smirked. “All I’m saying is it’s dangerous business to get involved in places you aren’t meant to be.”

“I hope you haven’t forgotten, Officer,” you sipped tea, glad there was a table between you two- you wanted nothing more than to kick him in the shins. “Money buys everything. You, of all people, should know.”

He raised his brow, wondering just what you were implying. It didn’t help that you wore your statement smile that revealed nothing but at the same time, made men shiver with worry. “Yes… money buys everything.”

You tilted your head, pleased to see he was confused. “If you can afford a secret, we’ll have a deal. You know I only give out freebies if I feel generous, or… if it could provide for some entertainment in this boring town. And frankly… I’m not feeling very generous right now, I’m afraid.”

The Officer made a face, nodding his head slowly in denial more than agreement, his black uniform almost blending with the leather chair in the dim lights. “And what pleases you, Madame? I’ve heard it’s not always money that you demand.”

“A secret in exchange for an even better secret, or… something valuable to you would do,” you grinned and the Officer thought you looked like a magpie at that moment, ready to snatch whatever caught your eye. “So?”

The Officer bit his lips nervously, leaning forward once again. “I’m desperate, Madame. I need to know what the Prince’s Right Hand and the envoy from Eden talked about. Don’t you care about the future of Mist Island? I think that should be enough to tell me the secret- I report to the Prince and I think the Prince’s Right Hand is betraying him-”

“You’re wrong about that, I’ll give you that, at least,” you relaxed back. “The Prince’s Right Hand is very loyal to the Prince- all of Mist Island knows that. You have nothing to worry about- you don’t need to know what they talked about now, do you?”

He almost pulled out his hair and you smiled- he was definitely reporting to someone else other than the Prince. You leaned forward, pretending that you were about to share some scandalous thoughts- and perhaps, you were. “Officer.. If you tell me who you really report to, I’ll give you the secret for free. I promise. And your secret will, of course, stay safe with me.”

The Officer paused, thinking about it. He had clearly not expected the owner of the hotel to be so clever and curious like a cat- it could be your besetting sin, he thought. “Hotel Crescent is an interesting place, I must admit.”

“And you’re welcome here anytime. I don’t forget a face,” you smirked. 

“Well…” the Officer threw his hands in the air before surrendering. “I report to the Minister of Defence. He’s keeping tabs on everyone around the Prince in case someone betrays him- you know how the situation is between Mist Island and Eden these days. He’s preparing us for the worst, he says.”

You only nodded, giving him no reaction. “We should always be prepared for the worst, in any situation. Well, thank you for the information. One of my maids happened to overhear the Prince’s Right Hand and the envoy talk about changing the Minister of Foreign Affairs- perhaps, someone well known in both Eden and Mist. They would prefer someone from Eden, which would be quite… strange, if I have to admit.”

“Ah,” the officer shook his head in disbelief. “That’s a shame. Someone from Eden as the Minister of Foreign Affairs? Way to make it obvious that Eden wants to take over our land.”

“Well, a secret for a secret. Our deal is sealed,” you winked before getting up. “Enjoy the rest of your tea, Officer.”

You smiled to yourself- you had played this one well. Of course, the Prince’s Right Hand was loyal to the Prince. No lies there- but it really was the Prince himself that this ‘concerned’ officer should be worried about. It still looked like most of the court was unaware of the schemes cooking in the palace. And then there was the matter of the head post of the department of Foreign Affairs-

Oh, how you had resisted the urge to tell the officer that it was your own father who wanted that post. You couldn’t help but think about ways to mess up your father and his little mission to become the Minister of Foreign Affairs here- the audacity-

The bell at the door indicated the arrival of a person and you shook your head, ridding it off the schemes, looking ahead at the man who had a rather big suitcase with him. You smiled at him as you opened the register. “It looks like you’ll be staying here for a long time, Mr…”

“Choi. Choi Jongho,” his voice was low and he looked around. 

“Choi Jongho,” you repeated, writing his name. “Room no. 1117 is free. May I ask the duration of your stay?”

“Might be a day, might be… longer,” he smiled politely and you nodded, almost narrowing your eyes- you had definitely seen this face before. “Can I have dinner before I settle in my room?”

“Of course, I’ll get you a table in the corner, if you prefer,” you sighed at the loud group of people that were occupying the centre of the hall to your right. “You must be tired after all the travelling.”

He only nodded in response and you called for a maid, muttering your orders and asking one of the porters to transport Mr. Choi’s bags to his room. The maid accompanied the man to the corner and you finished writing his entry, pausing when you realised just where you had seen him-

In Eden. With your father.

Had he sent this man on business? If he had, he would never have stayed here- you and your father were worse than enemies when it came to business. Perhaps he had sent him to spy on you.

A devilish smile creeped up your cheeks as you shut the register and took a peek at Choi Jongho, who was ordering his food. As soon as he was done, he met eyes with you and you were surprised that he didn’t immediately look away like any other man would have. 

You didn’t exactly know who he was- you had only seen him once, perhaps twice, in your father’s office in Eden. Perhaps he didn’t know you as well and this was a huge coincidence on his part, but you couldn’t sleep tonight without knowing the truth. So you waited until he was done with his dinner and before he could get up without tea, you took the liberty of sitting down across from him with a cryptic smile. 

“Tea is on the house- unless you’d prefer another drink.”

“That’s very kind of you,” he raised a brow, shaking his dark bangs away from his face. “Madame… Lee, is it?”

“The one and only,” you scoffed. “How’s Mr. Lee doing? I hope Eden has worn him down more than he’d like.” 

The way Mr. Choi paused and shook his head, told you that your suspicions were right. You scoffed in disappointment. “What are you, his spy? He must be growing anxious back there since my business is booming.”

“Not a spy,” he told you and waited as the waitress arrived with tea. Once she was gone and you had taken a sip and he was done scanning you, he began. “How did you know it was me?”

“I don’t forget a face, Mr. Choi,” you said and he whistled. “Especially one I’ve seen near my father.”

“He has some… other plans.” When you only raised your brows as an indication that you were waiting, he sighed. “I understand that you had an… accident recently in one of your dealings? I don’t know exactly what you do, but your father thinks it’s best that you hire yourself a bodyguard- nothing too fancy, just a shadow.”

“Interesting that he would suggest so, since he’s the one who cares the least for me,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “Mr. Choi Jongho, I’ll deal with any ‘accidents’ I have myself. You can return and inform my father of that- I don’t require a bodyguard.”

“Maybe we should talk privately,” Jongho noticed the maids at the other corner. “You have a lot of eyes on you.”

You took a deep breath, willing the anger roiling in your stomach to calm down and nodded. “You can come to my room at the strike of midnight. When you go to your room, make sure you don’t unpack- I have a feeling you’ll be taking the next train back home.”

Before hearing what Jongho had to say, you were back to your desk and Jongho scoffed to himself- you were a handful, just like your father had described. Haughty, spoiled, and more- you were proving your father correct. He noticed the permanent smile you wore even as you worked and he wondered if you never got tired- but then again, people like you lived off the gossip that travelled around here.

A gossip dealer, Mr. Lee had explained to Jongho, not going into the details. Gossip, he explained, was a two-edged sword. It could cut the wielder if dealt with unprofessionally. But as Jongho looked around at the hotel that even your father admitted was a pretty successful venture, Jongho had to admit perhaps you did have the brains after all. This place couldn’t run without a good head.

Jongho never went to his room, opting to wait right where he had been sitting, reading the paper and catching up to the news. At the strike of the clock, he found you staring at him and with a tug of your head, he was up and following you to the room on the first floor, at the very end- a suite. He watched you turn the keys and open the room, allowing him to enter first before you shut it behind you and turned the lights on. 

“Please, take a seat,” you said and Jongho understood what you meant- stop stalking around. Jongho passed a nearly devilish smirk before he settled down, noticing the sword. “How long have you practised?”

You were surprised that he didn’t dismiss the sword as a mere decoration- or perhaps, your father had told him. What you didn’t realise was that he noticed the blade looked like it had been sharpened and the hilt wasn’t in top condition. “I’ve practised long enough. Now… shall we get back to business?”

“Look, Madame,” Jongho turned his full attention to you. “Things between Eden and Mist Island are going to get rough- this is me speaking, not your father. You need a bodyguard, especially with the job you do-”

“And what, exactly, is my job?” You crossed your legs, smirking. “I’m interested in hearing what Mr. Lee told you about my job.”

Jongho licked his lips, finding it difficult not to groan at your displeasing behaviour. “Gossip-dealer?”

You couldn’t help but scoff at that. “I understand why I should hire a bodyguard- I’ve had this thought for a while now. But tell me why it has to be you, who’ll most definitely be reporting my every move to my father.”

“Obviously your father knew that you’d be against the idea, but I’m patient and he must have thought I’d do a good job,” he relaxed back and you frowned in confusion. “He trusts me, and you can use it to your advantage if you wish. I have to find a few answers on this island as well. Maybe we can make a deal, think how it’s going to work for the both of us.”

You stared at him- he could pass as a local here. He didn’t look strange- plain dark hair, no unusual fashion sense. Everything about him screamed ‘normal’ which was going to be beneficial to you- this was probably a disguise and you could use someone who could pass away almost unnoticed in the crowd. Yet… there was this unmistakable air of mystery to him. Just what answers was he searching for that he was risking his life to become your bodyguard? He had to know just how many people targeted your head on a daily basis, didn’t he? You asked him that and he let you know that he was fully aware of the risk.

“Let’s hear what you have to offer then,” you studied him. “If I don’t agree, we can part ways right here.”

Jongho smiled as he nodded. “I’ll let you choose what exactly I report to your father- you have to give me something so he doesn’t get suspicious. He has other spies here anyway so we should act cautiously.”

“Other spies, huh?” You scoffed- you knew you weren’t paranoid when you felt like someone was watching you at the most random times. “What makes you think he won’t find out about our little deal? He’ll make you regret ever betraying him because you sound like someone he trusts enough, yet here you are, relaxed as you plan to betray him.”

“I think you’re a good actor,” he smirked and you snorted. “And so am I. I don’t see the problem if we’re agreeing on these conditions. I won’t betray you if you don’t interfere in whatever I’ve come here to do- nothing political unlike your field of work, I promise.”

“I think we can work with that. You’re right- he’s going to find out sooner or later anyway. He’s more sensitive now that he’s planning to return here on an official post, isn’t he?”

“You’re quick,” he clapped. “In return… I might need your help a little- not now, maybe later, but there is some digging I have to do and I’d like to keep it a secret- especially from Mr. Lee.”

“I hope it’s something that brings him down- then I can help you with that,” you smiled innocently and he chuckled at that. 

“You two really don’t get along, do you?” He shook his head. “So? Do we have a deal?”

“I have a few… conditions. You’ll refer to me as Madame and you will stay a respectable distance from me- especially when I’m ‘dealing’ with someone,” you began and he nodded. “The minute I learn that you’re betraying me in any way, you’re done for. I may not have a bodyguard but I have enough protection to save me from attempts like these.”

“Understood,” he shrugged- it wasn’t much you were asking for. 

“Then we have a deal. And make no mistake- I do not trust you. I still think you’re going to be reporting my every move to Mr. Lee. However, I won’t interfere in whatever you’ve come here to do… for now.” 

Jongho gaped at you as you got up and went for your room, dismissing him with a rather casual wave of hand. He sighed- just when he thought he had you. “You’re going to be so difficult to deal with.”

“I aim to please,” you said before shutting the door to your room and taking off your accessories, letting your hair loose before walking to the bath.

The bath had long gone cold.

—----------------------

Having Jongho as a bodyguard was proving to be… difficult, to put it simply. 

He wasn’t being a bother, not at all. He wanted eyes on you at all times when you were not in your room, and since you were mostly behind the counter or with the customers, all you needed to do was let Jongho go unnoticed as he seated himself in the corner on a chair with newspaper and an endless refill of coffee or tea- whatever he’d feel like. 

However, you did not like being watched even though it was necessary. It was just him making you aware of his presence time and time again that irked you. Stealing ‘casual’ glances whenever someone official he recognised entered, smirking when he’d catch you making a deal… a mere bodyguard should remain invisible to you. That’s what you told him in your evening break.

“Well, I’m not a ‘mere’ bodyguard, it seems,” Jongho shifted. “What exactly did I do?”

“You couldn’t have made it less obvious that you’re keeping an eye on me,” your face was emotionless so that anyone else watching wouldn’t catch on. “I get that it’s new for you but can you wipe that permanent smirk off your face whenever I’m dealing?”

Jongho laughed heartily at that. “Is that how it seemed? I’m pretty sure I had no such expressions on my face.”

“You don’t even realise it, do you?” You tsk-ed at him, fixing your midnight-blue sleeves before pointing at the left corner of your lip. “This gets lifted up like this, ever so slightly. It’s annoying.”

It lifted up again as a smirk creeped up his face. “Does it now? I’ll hide my face behind the newspaper then-”

“That’s worse,” you shook your head. “If you don’t improve by tonight I’m sending you back home, with a message to my dear old father that he can do better than this.”

“Go ahead,” Jongho, unfazed, went back to reading his newspaper that you were sure he had memorised by now. “I’m his best.”

“So arrogant,” you muttered, scanning him as you pondered your decision. “Just try to make it less obvious. We’ll deal with this later.”

Jongho, however, didn’t improve even slightly. You were just glad your customers weren’t noticing, and by the end of the night, you thought that perhaps, he did blend in. Since your staff was aware of him now and he could go inside and outside as he pleased, you supposed no outsider noticed him… for now.

And tonight, you needed to see just how good he was as a ‘bodyguard’. You were meeting with someone whose identity was better left hidden, though you were sure at least your father was aware of your dealings with the younger prince’s little gang of misfits. Even if he wasn’t, it was a little test for your bodyguard- if after this meeting, your father finds out whose side you are actually on, he would take swift action. 

Before every meeting, it was your strategy to think of every possible outcome and plan according to it. Tonight, you were meeting Park Seonghwa- Prince Hongjoong’s Right Hand, had he been allowed to have one officially. It was sad how the king and the elder prince had pushed the wiser one of their family out of the picture. What made you giddy with satisfaction, though, was that the younger prince was no fool at all. He was one of the smartest individuals you had ever had the chance to encounter, and you were sure he would one day take his position at the very throne he deserved to rule. Not his elder brother Prince Woobin, but him.

People suspected that you were in cohorts with the younger prince, but only to the extent that you provided him with the ‘gossip’. Thankfully, the reputation you had built for yourself preceded you. As it was a public fact that the younger prince had negligible power in the matter of the courts, no one cared. The only person who would care was your father, who had learned the hard way that everything you did had a purpose. 

“How am I supposed to protect you if I don’t even know who we’re meeting?” Jongho muttered, casually walking by your side even when you had instructed him to act like a bodyguard and stay a few steps behind you. 

“Who I meet is none of your concern, and you won’t be reporting this to Mr. Lee,” you gave him half a smile, observing your surroundings as the two of you walked through the very empty night streets. “We’re almost there- stay hidden while I talk. This man is not the threat tonight, so keep your eyes and ears open.”

With that, you stood at the corner of the street and tapped in a rhythmic beat thrice- a signal to him that you were not alone but safe. Out of the shadows, the tall figure of Seonghwa appeared, face masked and hidden further with the hat tilted all the way down. 

“One would think you’d walk right into a trap if all you can see in front of you is your goddamned hat,” you said and he let out a low chuckle as he slid his mask down and tilted his hat up. 

“My apologies, though I must ask who exactly that man is,” he pointed at Jongho who waved at him with a rather innocent smile.

“My ‘guard’, if you can believe that. Long story, perhaps for another time. How does the captain fare?”

The captain- what you called Prince Hongjoong in public. Seonghwa nodded, and that was enough of an answer. You continued, “My earlier suspicions were right. The Prince’s Right Hand is very loyal to the Prince, but now there’s another group we ought to worry about. The Minister of Defence is keeping tabs on everyone, and possibly you as well. Also, it is in discussion whether the new Minister of Foreign Affairs should be someone from Eden. I’m pretty sure Mr. Lee is on board for that position.”

Seonghwa raised his brow at that last piece of information. He knew Mr. Lee was your father, and the fact that you were telling him this… “And would Mr. Lee make a good minister?”

“If you wish to make Mist Island and Eden one again through bloody means, then yes. He would make a very good minister.”

“And how should we stop this from happening?”

“Find out who is actually behind this, and what Mr. Lee holds that grants him immunity as he tramples all over Mist Island.”

“On it.” Seonghwa tipped his hat and disappeared back into the shadows, and you clicked your fingers and resumed walking as if you had never stopped in the first place. 

“That was quick. Where are we going now?”

“To the place that I once called home,” you scoffed and Jongho raised his brows. 

Taking a few turns, you finally reached the house that you had grown up in. As you unlocked the main door and entered what was an average house, much like the other on the street, the damp smell and dust greeted you, making you take a step back. You would never get used to the house smelling like a memory long forgotten. Perhaps, you too were scared of opening the treasure box of memories and letting out the warmth of your mother’s arms. The house was not home after your mother left and never came back, presumed dead.

The truth was that you wished your mother was still out there somewhere, far away even, but safe. Alive. Living the life she wished she had, the one she always sketched in the bedtime stories she told you. 

“Looks like you haven’t been here in a long time,” Jongho’s voice brought you back from your reminiscing and you turned to look at him swat at a spiderweb. “Is this Mr. Lee’s residence?”

“He doesn’t use it much, but I assume he’ll be needing it soon- until and unless he arranges for something better. And me being the docile daughter, I thought I’d surprise him by letting him know that I was aware he would be arriving here,” you smirked, putting your hands on your hips as you surveyed the area. “Better get this place cleaned out tomorrow, don’t you think?”

Jongho looked confused- often, the lines of sarcasm and blunt truth were mixed with you. “Why don’t the two of you don’t get along, if I dare ask?”

“A number of reasons, each worse than the other,” you went for your father’s study, unlocking the room with the set of keys you had one of your men steal and make a copy of without his knowledge. “None that should entertain you much. Would you like to make a survey of your boss’ study? I’m sure you’ll find something of interest there.”

You didn’t miss how Jongho’s eyes flashed- so you were right. Jongho must be trying to look into Mr. Lee’s private life, which meant he must be trying to find out something about his close circle or whatever people he had been dealing with in the past. Jongho narrowed his eyes. “And what should I be looking for?”

“Whatever answers you were wishing you would find on this island. Perhaps you will find something if you’re lucky. I’ll be in the room upstairs when you’re done.”

With that, you left him in your father’s study- an act of faith in him so he could feel that you trusted him to some extent. You wanted him to loosen his guard so you could find out just what ‘answers’ he was desperate enough to look for- desperate enough to be a bodyguard for someone like you. You knew one thing about your father and it was that he wouldn’t force anyone to protect you, which meant Jongho had to have accepted rather willingly. Maybe to your father, that was an act of loyalty, but you suspected otherwise- and you had to, to remain safe.

You entered what had once been your room, now barely a fragment of who you used to be as a child. You did what you had to first- check the floor for that one odd sound and lifted that plank, taking out a box and unlocking it with the key only you and your mother possessed- no one else knew this box existed. It was a little secret communication device between you two while she was alive, and you hoped one day she would communicate with you through this as well. It has been almost a decade now since she went missing, but you used to come monthly here until you started coming less as you started losing hope (or hoping she wasn’t going to use this to communicate with you but another means). 

The letter you found was the same one you had left around six months ago. You replaced it with a new letter and shut the box back, making sure nothing seemed out of place before going to the window and looking out at the half moon. 

With every passing day, your suspicions that your own father had something to do with your mother not coming back without a word grew. Your hatred for your father grew along, especially when he morphed into an ambitious, selfish and wealth-greedy man. You just wished you’d get news if your mother was dead- even that would be a relief than not being aware what state she was in. at least you could mourn her then. 

Jongho hadn’t intended to sneak up the stairs but somehow, despite your good ears, you didn’t sense him with his hand raised to knock at the door- he paused, realising this was the first time in the past three days he saw you with your guard down. Candid. Your shoulders weren’t straight anymore, instead looked burdened. Your head was down with some worry that loomed over you, your mouth breathing sighs. Before you could turn, Jongho knocked on the door, startling you a bit.

“We can go now if you’re done,” he scanned you, feeling a little awkward.

“And? Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked as you followed him downstairs.

“Not exactly,” he sighed. “It’s going to be hard to find what would be a well-hidden secret if it exists in the first place, wouldn’t it?”

You paused- you hadn’t expected that. Jongho raised a brow and you smiled. “It looks like we’re in the same boat, even though our quests must be different.” He made a funny face at that and you locked the main door behind you as you exited. “Did you at least find something of interest?”

“Maybe I did.”The glint in his eyes confirmed that and you smiled in satisfaction. It looked like tonight wasn’t a waste afterall. 

—---------------------

Whether you would like to admit it or not, you were gradually getting used to the idea of having Jongho as your shadow. Especially when he was proving to be useful in several ways. As a bodyguard, he was doing an exceptional job. Since the relations between Mist Island and Eden were getting rockier with each passing day, making the citizens feel on edge, many of your customers who came to trade secrets with you tried to get aggressive. Earlier, you would handle the situation by either breaking a plate over their head or splashing whatever was in front of you on their face- whether it be hot tea or cool water. But now? As soon as someone so much as raised their voice over you, Jongho, who was preferring to seat himself as close to you as possible whenever you did your job, would casually start cleaning his gun or cracking his knuckles with a glare in their direction.

At first, you were pissed. You thought he was interfering, but when one of them ignored Jongho’s not-so-subtle warning and tried to twist your wrist when you annoyed him, Jongho ended up twisting the offender’s wrist so hard you were positive you heard the snap of bones. After that, word must have gotten out. Everyone who met with you was more careful.

Apart from his bodyguard duties, Jongho was also quite an entertainer, you were finding. He was good at making you smile, and your staff was the first to notice, since they could differentiate between your trademark smile and real smile. Jongho probably did not, and you were glad that was the case. You didn’t want him to think his dad jokes were funny- it could get in his head. Not that he would care- you found out it was his lifelong habit. But since Jongho was good at talking and also good at annoying people, you decided to teach him a trick or two about your job.

“We don’t know how long we are doing this,” you told him, fixing the collar of your periwinkle gown before you looked at him, peeking behind him to see that the customer/target was already seated in the hall. “So maybe you should join me. Maybe you could do some work in my stead when I ask you too.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be good at this though,” Jongho sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. “You’re an expert. I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“You won’t,” you insisted, almost glaring at him. “You already know too much, don’t you? When you have too much information, you need to let it out through different channels.”

“And what’s that channel today?” Jongho looked towards the hall where all sorts of people were present- nobles, soldiers, foreigners, gangsters. 

“It’s a test. You have to figure out who he is,” you winked at him and he groaned. You only fixed the collar of his black shirt, ignoring how he tensed under your touch, before beckoning him to follow you, seating yourselves in front of the middle aged man who wore such plain clothes that it was impossible to tell if he was a noble or a peasant. But peasants didn’t come here, and he didn’t look from a noble family, Jongho thought.

“I hope you’ve been well,” you said as you poured tea for him, sliding the tray of cookies as well and he thanked you awkwardly. “How’s your family?”

“The same, but the youngest almost caught a cold,” he replied and you raised your brows.

“I hope he’s okay now?”

“He’s still at the… hospital. Not here, though.”

“Is someone with him?” You continued pouring tea for Jongho who had a sympathetic look on his face as he listened to the man’s story.

“He’s all alone, we couldn’t join him. But we wish to, when the time is right, when the matters are solved,” the man sipped his tea, rubbing a hand over his hairy face as he sighed. “It’s hard to travel these days, and we don’t have enough money to pay the doctor.”

“And you came here for my help?” You asked and he nodded. You took a moment to think.

“Maybe I ought to look at my connections or acquaintances for a reference?” You asked.

“I was thinking about the Minister of Defence. He seems to be an acquaintance of the doctors there.”

“Ah,” you nodded, glancing at Jongho to see how he was following the cryptic conversation. “I’ll ask someone to give my message to him then. Maybe he could put in a good word with your doctor after all.”

“Thank you, Madame Lee,” the man got up and bowed and you followed. “Even if he doesn’t help… thank you.”

You only nodded, watching the man leave with another bow in your direction after which you slumped down, munching on a chocolate cookie as you went over your conversation again. You noticed Jongho staring at you and you cleared your throat. “Well? Who do you suppose he was?”

“I would say an acquaintance, but I have never seen him around Mr. Lee or you, for that matter,” he began. “He doesn’t look like he’s from a noble family, and he doesn’t look very rich either, and frankly, your hotel is expensive. What was he really doing here, huh?”

“What was he really doing here?” You repeated, stifling your smirk. 

“I’m just guessing you talked in code words. There’s no patient, no doctor,” he took another cookie as he waited for your response.

“You’re both wrong and right. There is, in fact, a patient, and a doctor, though not quite in the literal sense. He’s a spy, one of his men has been caught by the enemy, and he wants me to do something about it- like either make a deal or force the Minister of Defence to release him.”

“Ah…” Jongho nodded enthusiastically. “It makes sense. But… who’s the enemy here?”

“Who’s the enemy?” You asked him. “I thought by now, you would have realised there’s no such thing as a single enemy. There are several sides. Whichever you choose to stick with, the rest you call your enemy.”

“And which side is yours, Madame Lee?” He asked in a playful tone.

“Not the one Mr. Lee chooses,” you said with a grin and found him grinning back. “You know, something tells me you don’t like Mr. Lee much either.”

“Don’t get me wrong, that man practically raised me,” Jongho brushed his clothes, having finished snacking. “It’s just… he’s a bit difficult, and he keeps a lot of secrets. He’s cryptic. Even as one of his closest personnel, he’s kept me at quite a distance.”

“When do you think he’s arriving?” You remembered discussing with Jongho a few days ago about the possibility of your father arriving on the island quite soon. “It’s going to get noisy here.”

“Should I casually ask? Or would he know it’s not really me who’s asking?” He scoffed at the thought.

“I have my sources, and they say he’s begun packing,” you teased.

“Well then,” Jongho straightened. “If you’re on the side against your father, and you’re both getting involved politically… do you think he would ever hurt you?”

“Do you think he’s never hurt me?” You asked, failing to keep the edge from your tone. Jongho noticed that. With a sigh, you said, “He’ll do anything to get what he wants. He’ll trample on anyone. It doesn’t matter who that is. But Jongho… once he arrives, you’re either my bodyguard or his man. Would you be able to protect me if it’s my father who decides to hurt me?”

Jongho’s mouth fell open as he considered this possibility and you left for the reception counter, leaving him wondering just why he had agreed to become your bodyguard when you were your father’s worst enemy.

—--------------------

Your father came earlier than you expected, but that was both good and bad, although the bad seemed to be outweighing the good for now. 

The island had been in a frenzy for the past three days, ever since your father proudly marched to the island, making a clear and loud statement- that Eden was not fooling around. Arriving on ships that included battalions, the man marched with an army to his hometown, and to everyone’s surprise, he and his soldiers were welcomed by the palace.

However, that day, you had an appointment with Prince Hongjoong himself, and he had specifically instructed you to make a public entrance to the palace. You had dressed in your finest gown of deep ruby, your hair tied back in an elegant bun, a black hat that complemented your dress well on top of your head. The ruby necklace was the only jewellery you wore apart from its matching ring for such occasions. You had instructed Jongho to dress his finest as well, and you weren’t surprised when he arrived at your door in a three piece suit, his hair swept back, though your heart sank suspiciously.

However, he had to pause and take a good look at you, drinking in everything he could see. He couldn’t figure out just what it was about you that made you awfully attractive to him- perhaps the way you carried yourself, strong and unwavering. Or perhaps the playful smile you always had on your face, the teasing eyes-

Or maybe because he thought you were simply beautiful.

“Good,” you nodded, taking a deep breath. “You look good.”

“You look good,” he simply said. “Shall we?”

You took his arm that he offered and together, you rode in the carriage sent by Seonghwa. On the way, you briefed Jongho about the actual plan.

“We’re making a statement, dear old guard,” you took off your hat before you rested your head. “We go through the main gate, encounter my father- a total ‘coincidence’, exchange greetings- you exchange greetings, I’ll piss him off. And then, we walk to Prince Hongjoong’s chambers while they watch.”

“Wow, okay, could have let me know earlier,” Jongho mumbled. “Wait- I’m meeting Prince Hongjoong too?” 

When your smirk was the only response he got, he groaned loudly, shaking his head in what appeared to be mild annoyance and amusement. “What will I be doing there? I’m sure you don’t need a bodyguard in the Prince’s chambers unless you think he’s a threat.”

“Maybe I just wanted you to tag along,” you challenged and he raised his brow, making your heart lurch again. What was wrong with you? “You’re right, I don’t need a bodyguard today. If you don’t wish to tag along… you are free to go back. I won’t mind.”

Jongho thought for a moment before he shook his head. “I’d like to tag along, actually.”

The two of you shared a smile before you looked out of the window. Something about him today was different. Or maybe you were just feeling strange as you got to know the different sides of him. But you didn’t mind his presence at all now, and coming from you in such a short period of time, in mere weeks? That was new and a little insane, especially considering he might still be reporting other things to your father. 

It was a little suspicious that he actually wasn’t. Not so far anyway, since everything was calm. Or maybe this was the calm before the storm- maybe he was waiting to gain your trust fully before he would pull such a stunt. But you were also cautious- you only showed him what wouldn’t hurt you if it got out. And perhaps he knew that, perhaps he didn’t, but you couldn’t be more careful. As you thought about all of this, playing with your necklace, Jongho cleared his throat and you glanced at him.

“Should I… I don’t know, act surprised when I see Mr. Lee in the palace?”

You considered him for a moment. “You know… you don’t have to keep putting an act in front of him anymore.”

Jongho bit his lip- you were very quick and perhaps this was your instinct now. “I think I need to. For now.”

You made an impressed face. “If it would help you for now, go ahead. It’s up to you, really.”

“I don’t think he would like it very much if he learns we’re a team now,” Jongho was grinning guiltily.

You shifted, appearing interested. “Are we then? A team?”

“Aren’t we?” He challenged with a raise of his brow. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, a teasing glint in your eyes. “All you’ve done is help me so far. I haven’t really helped you back, have I?”

Maybe Jongho wasn’t expecting that, which was why he gaped at you. You waved a hand in dismissal. “If you need some help, I can give it to you for free, in return for all you’ve done.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he promised and you reached the palace. Setting your hat back on your head, you exited the carriage, looking around at the vast expanse that led to the residence of the King, the cherry blossoms in full bloom bordering the path. You noticed Seonghwa, dressed in formal palace clothing, marching towards you and you passed him a subtle nod. Jongho narrowed his eyes.

“Is that…?”

“Shh,” you playfully put a finger on your lips. “What gave?”

“His arrogant walk?” Jongho suggested and you almost snorted as you turned back to Seonghwa, who bowed once. 

“Madame Lee. It’s been a while,” he said, looking at Jongho then, passing an acknowledging nod.

“Mr. Park,” you said. “I hope you’ve met with Mr. Lee?”

“He’ll be leaving Prince Woobin’s chambers in a moment. We might encounter him on our way to Prince Hongjoong’s chambers.”

“We better,” you whispered with a wink and Seonghwa nudged at you to follow him. You made Jongho walk beside you and as you took the turn to the direction of the princes chambers, you noticed a few men bowing as the exit the chamber, and noticed the man in the front-

Your father. You weren’t expecting the shudder that passed through you at the sight of that man who seemed to look the same ever since you were a teen- the same wrinkles on his face, the same arrogance around his mouth and eyes, the same stiffness in his shoulders. You continued walking, pausing only when your father met your eyes and almost dismissed you as a stranger until he saw another familiar face beside you and looked back at you.

And when he roared with laughter at the ‘coincidence’, you didn’t hide your wince at the annoying sound. “The person I last expected to see!” He shook his head, looking at his fellows. “You’d call it a coincidence, but I would call it fate.”

You smiled at that as you bowed to him, Jongho following suit as he greeted your father as well. “Have you been well?”

“In front of you, alive and healthy,” he boasted. “I hope you’re not giving my Jongho a hard time.”

“Should I not?” You glanced towards Jongho who wore no expression on his face. 

“Didn’t he tell you who he was?” Mr. Lee looked confused. 

“He just told me he was your ‘best’,” you rolled your eyes and he chuckled at that and Jongho finally gave in, groaning.

“He wasn’t wrong,” Mr. Lee nodded at Jongho. “I guess you don’t remember the Choi family. After all, you were too young when they passed away, unfortunately.”

You glanced at Jongho again and noticed that he was clearly not comfortable with your father mentioning the incident. “I’m not sure I remember, yes. Anyways, I must leave now- I have an appointment with the Prince here. Don’t expect me to catch up with you later, and I’d prefer if you stay away from my business, unless you have news worthy of my attention.”

Without hearing his answer, you nudged Seonghwa to lead the way again, and the sound of your father laughing sarcastically gradually faded. You entered the chambers and then the office, where the Prince sat behind his desk in a fancy hanbok.

With a deep bow and greetings exchanged, the four of you sat casually and the Prince served tea as he inquired of your health and business. 

“And who is this acquaintance of yours?”

“Choi Jongho,” Jongho answered, “I work for Madame Lee.”

“Do you?” the Prince asked and you and Seonghwa looked at each other in amusement. “I heard he worked for Mr. Lee. And anyone who works for Mr. Lee… I don’t think I’d like to interact with them very much.”

Jongho looked at you, confused before the Prince laughed, shaking his head, his dark hair messy. “I only jest, relax. I didn’t lie though.”

Jongho did relax then. “It’s true, I worked for Mr. Lee before I came here to work for Madame Lee. I’m not sure where I stand right now.”

“And do you trust him?” Prince Hongjoong looked at you.

“Respectfully, I trust nobody- not even you, Your Highness,” you gave him a subtle bow of apology and Seonghwa and the Prince both shared a grin at that. “You can’t ask me if I trust him.”

“Fair enough. Shall we get to business?”

You nodded and Seonghwa cleared his throat. “Mr. Lee just met with Prince Woobin- since he’s making clear whose side he is on, I think we don’t need to hide anymore. It’s going to get bloody here pretty soon anyway. And now Mr. Lee must know whose side you are on, Madame Lee.”

“It’s necessary that he knows,” you nodded and the Prince agreed. “And when he stays on his toes, that’s when it’s the easiest to catch him in my trap. You see… My father has a habit of being a bit too careful. I intend to exploit that weakness of his.”

“Would you like to give him a heads-up that you’re catching on?” The Prince rested his head on his hand, elbow propped lazily on the table. “I don’t think he’s the type of person to stop after becoming the Minister of Foreign Affairs, which he surely will- he just secured his position with Prince Woobin.”

“You’re right about that,” you nodded. “He’s after something- I’m not sure what yet, but something that will give him a reason to annex Mist Island- Eden’s prince is funding this operation, I’m sure.”

“Something that will be big enough to provide a reason…” Seonghwa pondered. “Whatever it is, who could possess such a thing? Prince Woobin would never keep it in his residence.”

“Anyone the Prince trusts?”

“Maybe you should look out of the picture too,” Jongho said and everyone turned to look at him. He shrugged. “Isn’t the Minister of Defence very suspicious too? He’s keeping tabs on you all, he must have a reason to do so other than simply being too interested in your lives.”

You nodded, feeling a little proud for a moment. “He’s right. I think we should start there- he’s been out catching your spies too, Seonghwa.”

“I took care of that,” he assured and Jongho sighed in realisation. “What do you think we’re looking for here? Physical evidence of some illegal movement occuring in the court?”

“That’s our best bet,” you nodded. 

“Thanks for making time today. We’ll let you know how to proceed forward- keep your eyes and ears open… both of you,” the Prince looked at Jongho and he nodded.

As Seonghwa accompanied you both to the palace gates, you paused before you could exit. “Have you heard any news about my mother?”

“Not yet,” Seonghwa shook his head in disappointment. “I can’t seem to find a lead, and that’s more suspicious.”

You nodded, thanking him. The carriage ride back to the hotel was rather quiet as the two of you sorted your thoughts out. However, that night, after you clocked out, a knock sounded on your door and you found none other than Jongho at your doorstep. You let him in and resumed cleaning your swords. “What’s keeping you up tonight?”

“Many things,” Jongho admitted. “But first of all, why are you obsessed with your swords?”

“Maybe I just like the idea of a neat and clean blade slicing through someone’s throat?” You suggested.

“I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that you actually know how to use them,” Jongho snorted. “I thought you were a spoiled brat who only cared about her business and how she looked.”

“You weren’t wrong, but has your presumption about me changed yet?” You scoffed.

“I now think that you are a spoiled brat who only cares about her business and how she looks- and her swords.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, and Jongho felt pleased- that was the first time he heard you genuinely laugh. “You can’t blame me for being obsessed with these beauties.”

“Anyways… What should I tell your father about today’s meeting if he asks? Because I’m sure I’ll get cornered by one of his men pretty soon.”

“What would you say?” You asked, waiting for his response and he nervously fidgeted.

“That you’re obviously on Prince Hongjoong’s side, and are planning to find out why he wants to become the Minister of Foreign Affairs, but you have no idea what to look for?”

“You’re getting good at this,” you smirked. “My influence is clearly rubbing off on you, I see.”

“Bound to happen when I’m with you basically all hours of the day,” Jongho rolled his eyes.

You finished cleaning the last sword and started packing them in their cases. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing, Jongho?”

“I… actually don’t really know what exactly you are doing,” Jongho sighed. “You seem to be doing the right thing but there’s a lot of mystery still surrounding you, and honestly I cannot make a judgement right now.”

You nodded, finally meeting eyes with him. “Why did my father raise you?”

Jongho pursed his lips. “My father was apparently close to your father.”

“When did they pass away?” You asked.

“I don’t recall many moments of them… I think I was four,” Jongho answered. 

“But why would my father raise you?” You tilted your head. “He couldn’t even raise me right. He’s no philanthropist.”

“I don’t know,” Jongho was being honest, and you heard what he didn’t say out loud- I intend to find out. “Where is your mother?”

“I don’t know,” you replied, and Jongho could hear the honesty in that statement too. “I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead. Last I saw of her was when she left for Eden almost a decade ago.”

“Was that before or after your father had his shoulder surgery?” Jongho asked and you frowned. “Because she was there before that, in the house. I was there too. I heard that she left for Mist Island- I remember because your father said he wished his wife was there to take care of him when he was ill.”

You felt blood rush to your head- why did your father conceal this fact for you? All the decades spent sending people to find your mother in Eden, when she was supposed to be right here? Jongho noticed your clenched jaw and paling face. “Did you… think she was in Eden?”

“Are you sure?” Your voice was steel and gaze fiery. When Jongho nodded, you took a deep breath. 

What other secrets about your mother was your father keeping from you? How would you confront him about this- or rather, would you ever?

“Thank you for telling me that, Jongho,” your voice was still the same- unwavering. “You can leave now- it’s late.”

Jongho nodded, getting up and about to go to the food but then he paused. “If you want… I could help you look for your mother-”

“You will do no such thing,” you almost spat it out and Jongho frowned. “Did my father order you to tell me that?”

Jongho scanned you in confusion for a moment and then scoffed loudly. “I can’t believe this. I just thought I could help and you think it’s not me but your father speaking? I’m disappointed in you… y/n.”

You bit the inside of your cheek as the two of you glared at each other. “How can I trust you when I don’t even know who you are?”

“I don’t know who you are either,” Jongho challenged. “Yet here I am, betraying my boss for you. I should have thought twice,” he said and left the room, leaving your cheeks burning with shame at what you had actually done.

You supposed Jongho was right- he was actively betraying the man who had raised him for you. Maybe more because of whatever he had come here to find but perhaps because one day, he could use your help too. And what had you given him in return? Disappointment. 

You decided to reconsider whether you really needed Jongho as a bodyguard… or as a person you could keep close and confide in. A partner. 

It didn’t sound so bad. 

—---------------------

You found out Jongho could be pretty sulky too when he got angry with someone- or maybe with you, he was being dramatic. 

As you went to sit at the counter with Sakura, you noticed Jongho was already having tea in his usual spot while he read the newspaper. He only glanced at you once and didn’t meet eyes with you for the rest of the day. You were a bit amused, if you had to admit. Of course, you were going to apologise- you had been in the wrong- but you wanted to see the lengths to which Jongho could go consumed with his anger.

And the fact that he was usually somewhat rational, or maybe unaffected, by whatever you did? Or whatever stunt anyone else pulled, for that matter? You didn’t know whether to be worried or be amused, so you were feeling both. And the fact that you were worried was something you didn’t want to think about right now. 

You weren’t expecting any special guests at your hotel today- usually, whoever wanted to trade secrets sent a message in advance unless it was urgent. But the last thing you were expecting were a bunch of soldiers from Eden advancing into your hotel like they owned the damned place. They looked around as if expecting to see someone suspicious but upon finding no one and having alarmed everyone present, they settled at the bar corner. You sighed- you feared they might get drunk and create a mess. Soldiers from Eden generally had no morals- especially when it came to Mist Island.

Jongho also noticed how arrogant those men were but they recognised Jongho and the man who seemed to be their leader- a rather young soldier with an eyebrow slit- greeted Jongho with a bow and perhaps, asked what he was doing here. You couldn’t hear them but you saw Jongho dismiss him with a polite smile- he probably told him to mind his own business.

“Make sure they don’t create a scene,” you told Sakura and she nodded, pushing her glasses up her nose bridge before she went to whisper the orders to the rest of the staff. You had to take a little break to freshen up.

But while you were gone and the men had a few drinks, it got louder. By the time you returned, you noticed how most of the customers were annoyed and were trying to leave without attracting attention. You groaned, making a mental note to ask your father to keep his minions under control, but then you heard one of the men bark some orders to none other than Sakura who was passing by.

“Hey, you with the glasses! Where are my drinks? Why is your service so damned slow?”

“I apologise,” Sakura bowed. “I’ll check what’s taking so long.”

With a desperate glance at you, she went towards the kitchen and you met eyes with Jongho, noticing even he was annoyed. Still at the counter, you watched one of the maids set the tray on their table while they snickered and whispered things- probably commenting on her and trying to rile her up. Thankfully, she was a patient one, and after doing her job, she was about to leave when the supposed leader asked her where the woman with glasses was.

You watched Sakura frown as she made her way to the men and he started complaining about how she should have done better. You’d had enough- you started making your way towards the group but a loud shatter of glass breaking made everyone, including you, gasp.

“Why are you being like this?” The man was smirking devilishly as he grabbed Sakura’s wrist- the glass having fallen from the table as a result of her struggle. Before Jongho could get up, you raised a hand, indicating to him that you would handle it. Without waiting for his answer, you walked to the group and locked eyes with the leader.

“Is there a problem here?”

The man scanned you rather slowly with a smirk plastered on his face. “And who might you be?”

“The owner of this hotel. If you have a problem, you better discuss with me.”

“You? The owner?” The man scoffed and looked at his gang and everyone started roaring with laughter as if you had made a joke. “I guess you’re better than this one here. I was just looking for someone to… entertain us.”

One of the men on your left tried to grab your wrist. With your right hand, you snatched a plate from the table and smacked it across his head, shattering it in the process, and with your left hand, you produced a dagger from your pocket and swiped it across the leader’s hand that had been holding Sakura’s wrist. They roared with pain while you pointed the dagger at the leader’s neck, Sakura hiding behind you. Still, the leader managed to slice your arm with a table knife but you didn’t let the burning pain take over you, instead, you almost tried snatching the knife from his hand when Jongho interrupted and pointed the gun at the man’s head.

“Are you all fools, parading into the hotel of Mr. Lee’s daughter, creating a scene and hurting her?” Jongho roared with anger at the soldiers and saw the colour drain from their face when they made the connection- Jongho worked for Mr. Lee after all. The leader scoffed in disbelief, earning a smack from Jongho across his face. “Wait till Mr. Lee hears about this- I’ll make sure none of you can ever step foot on this island.”

“We didn’t know!” One of the men yelled at him. You glared at him.

“You’re a guest on this land, sir. You should have acted like one.”

“Get lost before I lose it,” Jongho told them and they all grabbed their things before skittering away, glaring at Jongho this time instead of you. You rolled your eyes, turning to Sakura.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry, Madame,” she bowed her head in shame. “I should have done better. I should have cooperated-”

“I didn’t train you to be weak. I trained you to stand up to whoever dares to oppress you. You should have done what I did- that’s my only disappointment from you,” you smiled at her, touching her face. “You did well.”

Sakura smiled warmly. “Let me clean this mess up, at least.”

You chuckled at that. “You do that.”

Jongho heard that conversation and sighed internally- he hadn’t expected you to be so stupidly brave. “You know… the situation could have been handled in many other ways.”

“Ah, yes,” you turned to him. “I could have slit his throat. I didn’t. Kind of regretting it right now.”

Jongho shook his head. “You should have let me handle it. I’m your bodyguard, and yet… you took the lead. And now you’re hurt,” he pointed at the bleeding arm, the blood trickling down your hand.

“I’ll take care of it- it’s no big deal-”

“Let me,” he said with a tone of finality and didn’t wait for your response as he made his way upstairs, pausing to make sure you were following. The two of you entered your room and he asked you where your first aid kit was.

“I can take care of it,” you said as he brought the kit to the table, making you sit at a chair and he dragged his chair in front of you. You tried rolling your sleeve, flinching- your favourite plum gown was beyond repair as blood had spread all over.

“Just shut up and let me do something,” he fiddled with the kit and you gaped at him.

“Dropping all formalities, are we?” You scoffed. You didn’t get an answer in return- he dipped cotton into alcohol and glanced at you once before rolling your sleeve upwards gently, examining the cut. You pouted- it wouldn’t need stitches but it was deeper than you thought.

Jongho cleaned your wound patiently, rubbed an ointment with a swab and even covered it in gauze and bandaged your arm neatly. After he was done, he was still holding your hand in his and he sighed. “I wish you hadn’t done anything and let me handle it.”

His voice was low and barely a whisper. You frowned, trying to figure out how to respond. “I… handled it alright, didn’t I?”

“You could have been more hurt,” he insisted, finally looking at you. “How many times have you encountered people like these? Do you realise what you do is so dangerous as well? How could you not have someone to protect you before I came?”

“I can protect myself,” you insisted. “I really can. I have, all my life. Now is no different.”

“Do you have to be so stubborn?” Jongho sighed. “Let’s forget about the past, but today… You should have let me handle it.”

You shrugged, aware of how he was still holding your hand- so unlike him. “I know- I just… old habits, I guess. And you weren’t in the best mood either, so…”

“You really think I would have let you get hurt just because we had an argument?” Jongho gaped at you.

“Well… that would have made you a lousy bodyguard then.”

Jongho smiled at that and you wondered why it relaxed you so much- that the tension in his shoulders was gone. “Does it hurt too much?”

“Uh,” you took your hand from him, bending it at different angles. “I’ll take something for the pain.”

Jongho relaxed back, watching you. You stared back, mustering your courage before you took a deep breath. “I’msorryforlastnightIwasrude.”

“What was that?” Jongho scoffed loud enough to annoy you.

“I said,” you enunciated each word perfectly this time. “I’m sorry for last night. I said some things and made some assumptions I shouldn’t have. I know it was wrong of me to do so.”

“That’s okay,” he replied. “I should have… I shouldn’t have suggested helping you. I’m only your bodyguard.”

“No,” you shook your head at that. “You’re much more than that. I took you for granted, it’s just… you have to understand how it is with my father. He’ll do anything to ruin me, which has made it so hard for me to trust anyone. To trust you. I’m trying to, but honestly, you haven’t given me anything.”

“I realise that,” Jongho nodded. “I also understand where you’re coming from. I trusted Mr. Lee for my whole life until I heard something I shouldn’t have and when the opportunity to come here arose, I had to take it. And I might need your help too.”

“Well,” you smiled at that. “I guess we can both help each other.”

“I guess,” he smiled back before sighing. “I don’t remember my parents much. I think you don’t either- our families were close, though. I have a picture- perhaps you recognise them,” he said and fished in his pocket for his wallet, where he had a picture of his parents with Mr. Lee. You nodded.

“I’ve heard my father talk about them when he reminisces about the old times.”

Jongho nodded. “This isn’t public information, but my parents were spies for the King. He used them to obtain information on Eden and other nations. I don’t know what the nature of their job was exactly, but from what Mr. Lee had told me they passed away during a mission- my father was caught by soldiers from Eden and my mother escaped with me. She handed me to your mother before going back for my father- the two never returned, and they were found dead a few days later.”

“That’s… unfortunate,” you frowned. “How old were you?”

“Four,” he said, leaning forward. “Which is why I don’t remember much. But a few years ago, I accidentally heard him talk to one of his closest men- a spy as well. I heard him asking whether he really had taken care of all the people who had witnessed my parents' death. That’s… suspicious, isn’t it?”

“It is,” you admitted. “Do you think he’s hiding something from you regarding the incident?”

“It’s just the way he talked… it felt like he, too, had witnessed it. And if he really has… that means he lied to me. What would he lie for? Were my parents traitors to their homeland, Mist Island? Did they really die because they got caught during a mission? It doesn’t make sense anymore, and I came here, hoping I’d find some answers without Mr. Lee’s knowledge.”

“I think your best bet is asking Mr. Lee himself or the person he talked to,” you pointed out. “My father doesn’t really keep physical evidence of things he’d like to hide.”

“That’s true,” he nodded slowly. “The man he talked to- he’s Mr. Ahn. You know him, right?”

“Mr. Ahn?” You frowned. “He’s his secretary, but… do you know what his real job is?”

“I don’t?” Jongho frowned in confusion as well.

“He’s an assassin. The best of the best. There’s a reason my father is still alive after all he dares to do,” you told him and Jongho groaned in disbelief. “Also… what happened after you were given to my mother? I don’t remember seeing you- I do have faint memories of playing with a kid that could have been you.”

“When your mother came the last time I saw her in Eden, she told me something. She said she wished she could have raised me. She also told me not to trust Mr. Lee and that everything that I thought was the truth was not. She told me I was being used- and then Mr. Lee interrupted and I never got to ask her what exactly she meant. I thought that wasn’t something new- all of us know we’re being used by Mr. Lee one way or another. We know not to trust him with our life. But the way she phrased it… I could never get it out of my head, though it started making sense later when I heard Mr. Lee’s conversation with Mr. Ahn.”

You let that sink in. “Did my father take you with him when he left for Eden? When you were… around six?”

“Yeah,” Jongho nodded. “I was raised in his house.”

“I’m still wondering why he would bother with you- he’s not the type to raise his friend’s kid out of love. If not out of love, perhaps out of guilt? But that man rarely ever feels guilt, so… I don’t know. Maybe he wanted to make a loyal servant out of you.”

Jongho laughed at that. “I was, in fact, that, until a few years ago when I overheard that conversation. I thought I misinterpreted that but then your mother said some things, and I was lost.”

“Well, I hope you can find your answers,” you said. “I’ll look back at the house again- there must be something rather than nothing there, if you found that picture as well.”

“Thank you,” Jongho looked at you. “Why do you think your mother disappeared out of the blue? Do you really think she did?”

“She started to hate my father with an intensity that was unimaginable. She never told me why. But… I don’t think she would have left me alone if she ran away from my father. He says she might have died in Eden since Eden wasn’t in the best shape at that time- a lot of women met unfortunate fates. But you say she left for Mist Island, which changes everything as well. The fact that he keeps insisting that she’s dead…”

“Well, I guess we can establish that Mr. Lee is a liar and we can’t believe a word that comes out from his mouth,” Jongho said.

“True,” you nodded. “I still have my sources looking for her in Eden, and now here too. Keeping an eye and ear out for any news, any sighting of her. I’ve found nothing all these years. I just want to know if she’s alive.”

“What should we do?”

“We plan,” you smirked. “He will become a minister soon- we can’t stop that. But once we find something that shows evidence of his corruption, it’ll be more satisfying when he has to step down. We become aggressive with that approach so he focuses only on that while we look into the past in hopes that we find our answers. Are you in?”

“I am,” he nodded- the plan made sense. “So we really are a team now, huh? Am I still your bodyguard?”

“If you love protecting me so much,” you said and he laughed at that, making you smile as well. You liked the way his eyes curved and his lips stretched into a wide smile. “I’d prefer the term partners, but that’s only for our ears.”

“I like that,” he was looking at you with a gaze that made you uneasy. “I’d also like it if we don’t hide from each other as we find those answers.”

“You’re very cryptic,” you commented. He only smiled at that, taking your hurt hand again and caressing it once before looking at you and almost smirking before he pulled you closer, making your eyes go wide in surprise.

“I’m not protecting you because of Mr. Lee anymore. I hope you realise that,” his voice was barely a whisper and your heart swooped at that. Before you could say or do anything, he hesitated before he brought his other hand to your face and touched it once, ever so lightly, before drawing back and leaving the room.

Leaving you in a flurry of unrecognisable emotions as you sat in the remnants of his touch.

—-------------------

As soon as your father was appointed the Minister of Foreign Affairs, it seemed like all hell broke loose. The uproar in the palace as the subjects of the king expressed their disappointment in the decision could be heard for miles. The citizens started protesting especially when the soldiers from Eden started terrorising the locals, which led to innocent spilling of blood and unfair punishments- it was obvious even to a fool that the locals were at a disadvantage and were being treated unfairly.

However, your father continued to parade shamelessly through town, head arrogantly high and that permanent smug across his face. You had just been gazing out of the window, admiring the clear sky after a spell of cloudy days, when you spotted the person you least wanted to see and groaned audibly, making Jongho, who was sitting across you reading a book, look up at you, laughing to himself when he saw your incredibly annoyed face.

“I’m guessing Mr. Lee is making his way here,” he went back to reading his book.

You folded your arms as you glared at him. “I didn’t think you were actually serious when you said he would come visit any day now.”

“It was about time anyway,” Jongho flipped a page. “He’s really the kind to boast about his achievements, and you being on the side that’s against him… he’s going to rub it in your face. I suppose I’ll enjoy the sight-”

He blocked the spoon you threw at him with his book, chuckling. Before you could pick something else to attack him with, the ominous bell of the hotel door rang and you heard a good amount of people entering. With a glare at Jongho’s direction, you made your way to the reception.

“I don’t believe you have a reservation,” you said coolly, not bothering with greetings. “We’re quite full today, so-”

“Hotel Crescent,” your father looked around, pausing when he spotted Jongho who was pretending he was too busy to notice what the ruckus was about. “Business must be booming these days.”

“More foreigners than locals is not a good sign,” you raised your brow at him. He looked back at his gang of five- all from Eden- and laughed. 

“Good thing I’m a local then!”

“Are you?” You scoffed. “You haven’t called Mist Island your home in more than two decades.”

“Well,” Mr. Lee ignored that. “Can we have some coffee then? I’m here to discuss business with you, Madame. Let’s keep it professional, shall we?”

You motioned at Sakura to lead the guests to the empty table, but your father made his way to Jongho who finally looked up and pretended to be pleasantly surprised as he got up and bowed. As they seated, you watched your father have what looked like a serious conversation with Jongho. He was probably interrogating him and hearing what Jongho had to report. You made your way to that table after a few minutes, seating yourself before folding your arms and glaring pointedly at your father.

“I take it you’re getting along with Jongho here,” he smirked.

“Quite well, actually,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “Let’s talk business.”

Your father took a deep breath before shifting a bit in his seat to turn towards you. “I’ve heard you trade a secret for a secret. Any kind.”

“That’s true, but I measure the worth of your secret before I give something back,” you said.

“Well, I have something for you-”

“And with people like you,” you continued, “I don’t really believe a word that comes out of your mouth, so don’t expect me to give you something back.”

He chuckled loudly at that, shaking his head and looking at Jongho as if they could share that sentiment. Jongho, to your relief, didn’t respond. Mr. Lee shook his head. “How about this? You give me a secret about your dear Prince Hongjoong, and I’ll give you something you can’t resist.”

“First of all, I don’t have a very personal relationship with Prince Hongjoong,” you began. “I could have been working for Prince Woobin had he not resorted to ugly means instead of asking first like any respectable man should. Secondly… no thanks.”

“Ah, I’ll let Prince Woobin know that,” your father said as if he was quite friendly with the prince. “He thinks we lost what could have been a wonderful ally in this… game we’re playing.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I don’t think he thinks that. He has people everywhere. He doesn’t need me.”

“And yet…” he locked eyes with you. “He fears Prince Hongjoong is growing stronger with each passing day, and he only has his own little group of spies and… you.”

You didn’t hide your smirk. “What do you have to offer?”

“I could tell you about your mother,” your father said and your heart sank. “I hear you’re looking for her in Mist Island too now. I could help you look for her.”

“What makes you think I need your help now, after all this time?” You replied, not letting him detect the agitation in your tone. “I’ll manage on my own, thank you very much.”

“I could tell you whether she is alive or dead, whether she’s here or in Eden or in another country as well. Are you sure you don’t want this?”

Unconsciously, you glanced at Jongho who was already looking at you. Somehow, his gaze alone made you gather your nerves of steel back and you looked back at your father. “If you don’t have anything better to offer me, then we’re done.”

You saw your father’s jaw clench and you smiled in satisfaction. If he had offered you the same thing a few years ago, you would have given him anything he wanted. You were not that person anymore. With a sigh, he got up and his men followed. He looked pointedly at you. “You’ll regret this.”

“Will I, now?” You scoffed, getting up and standing in front of him. “You’ll regret stepping foot back at Mist Island soon, Mr. Lee. Brace yourself.”

Your father left with disdain in his eyes and you waited until he was gone before you practically rushed upstairs to your room, shutting the door behind you as you began to process everything.

Your father knows where your mother is. He even knows if she’s alive or dead. He just didn’t bother letting you know, all these years. Why? Was there a reason behind it or was he just a sadistic bastard who loved seeing you suffer?

A knock sounded on your door and you heard Jongho call your name. “Can you let me in?”

“Now’s not a good time,” you hesitated before you replied, hoping your voice wouldn’t crack.

“All the more reason to let me in,” he said. You contemplated for a moment before wiping your eyes and opening the door for him, not looking at him as you went to stand near the window. 

“Are you… okay? I know it’s a stupid question but… talk to me instead of keeping it in. I can see that it’s killing you.”

For a moment, you wanted to ask Jongho who he thought he was to make assumptions like these (even if he was right). You wanted to fire him for crossing the formal boundary between you two- even though you two had established that he was not working under anybody now. You wanted to tell him to go back to being Mr. Lee’s loyal servant. But as you glanced at Jongho… you realised he was pretty much in the same position as you- it looked like your father knew what really happened to his parents as well, and he couldn’t ask him. And he wasn’t just your bodyguard anymore- you two were way past that. From eating your meals together, plotting schemes, trading secrets- you were partners now. 

“It’s funny, Jongho,” you sighed. “If he had made this offer a while ago, I would have accepted. It’s making me wonder where I stand now. I never pledged my loyalty to Mist Island and to Prince Hongjoong. I’m still searching for my mother. Yet here I am, protecting him and his land, throwing away the chance to end this quest once and for all.”

“You made the right decision,” he insisted. “At least about not letting your father hold that power over you. And I can see why you like Prince Hongjoong- he’s helping you look for your mother even in the midst of all this, even when you never asked.”

Your heart swelled- Jongho understood. “Does it make me a bad daughter, Jongho?”

“It doesn’t,” he moved from the fireplace and walked towards you, standing by your side as you both gazed at the sun setting over the busy streets of the town. “You’ve never stopped looking for her- you’re doing everything in your power. How could you think it makes you a bad daughter?”

“I’m just… tired of looking,” you sighed, putting a hand over your quivering lips. “It’s been years and it’s like she never existed. She disappeared without a trace. Did she abandon me on purpose? I keep thinking that, and then I remember how she promised me that she would never, and then I think I’m a bad person for thinking that-”

“Hey,” Jongho watched you hide your face away from him as your shoulders shook. Hesitantly, he put a hand on your shoulder, caressing it. “It’s okay to have these thoughts. But you know what? You won today. You don’t need that man to help you. You have so many people with you- Prince Hongjoong and Seonghwa have been helping you all this time because they care, because you help them in return. I am helping you- because I care about you too.”

“I just don’t know what to do anymore, why I’m doing this anymore,” you stopped crying, wiping your eyes. “Why am I running this business, putting myself in danger, when I could have lived a quiet life? Why am I doing all this?”

Jongho turned you towards him and he put his hands on your arms, rubbing them as he locked eyes with you and smiled. “You know… I thought you were some spoiled person with too much money and power but you’ve surprised me everyday. You’re nothing like your father. You trade secrets, manipulate, but I’ve never seen it bring harm to the place you live in. Whether unconsciously or consciously, you’ve been helping Mist Island itself- not the king, not the princes, but the land, your home. My home,” he tucked some stray hair behind your ear and your breath caught as he wiped a tear from your eye as well, proceeding to cup your face. “You’re so brave for doing that. Braver than any soldier. And you never gave up on your mother- that makes you the strongest person I know. And I know you’re looking into my parents, even when I never asked for it. You’re loyal to those who you choose, and I’m glad you chose me. I’m right about the last part, aren’t I? Or am I delusional?”

You laughed at that, nodding. “I think I am, unless I learn you’re still working for my father in which case, I’ll kill you in your sleep-”

Jongho shook his head as he put a finger on your lips to shut you up and your heart lurched- the air felt so thick right now, especially with his gaze on your lips. “I do think I should do something about this mouth of yours.”

He looked in your eyes and it was as if he finally realised the position you two were in- mere inches away, his hand on your face and the other on your lips. He cleared his throat as he put his hands back to your arms and you couldn’t believe that you felt anything but relief at that. You wanted his hands back-

“You can lean on me, y/n,” his voice was low. “Let’s not lean on anybody else but each other, shall we?”

You didn’t need to contemplate that anymore. As your answer, you stepped forward and put your head against his chest, almost at the crook of his neck. You felt Jongho tense and for a moment, you feared he never meant for any of this to happen, but then he wrapped his arms around you and you felt… strange, almost like you were safe. You had never felt safe in anyone’s arms before. You could feel the warmth and strength in his arms as he hugged you and you let your hands hold his jacket as you stayed like this for a few moments before you muttered a thank you.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he broke the hug and patted your cheek once. “I’ll be downstairs- you shouldn’t keep your business waiting for too long.”

You smiled at that and watched him leave, putting your hands on your cheeks in disbelief and finding them warm. What was happening?

—-------------------

A few days later, you found yourself back at the palace- but this time, in the middle of the night. You spotted Jongho trying to fight his yawn as the two of you waited for the prince to arrive and you scoffed.

“Just yawn, big and large, and get it over with,” you told him and he sighed, grinning. You didn’t realise you were grinning back until he paused and looked at you.

“What?” He asked.

“You have a… cute smile.”

You immediately realised a few things- Jongho never expected to hear something like this from you, you never expected to say something like this to anyone for that matter, and the fact that you actually thought about this-

“It’s the lack of sleep talking, isn’t it?” He laughed this time, all gummy smiles and curved eyes and you resisted the urge to pinch the cheek of the man who was sitting in front of you. In the royal chambers. You ought to get a grip-

“Yes, but it’s also the truth,” you tilted your head as you watched him in a teasing manner. “Has nobody ever told you that?”

“Okay, stop flirting with me,” Jongho clapped as he straightened. “The prince will be arriving any second now.”

“But he’s not here right now,” you teased and Jongho scoffed at you and shook his head in disbelief.

“I’ll let the Prince know he ought to think twice before disturbing your sleeping schedule because clearly it’s messing with your brain- it’s like you’re a whole new person when you’re sleepy-”

“Or maybe I’m just too wide awake for my own good-”

“What’s happening? I wanna join- it looks like something interesting is going on,” Hongjoong arrived with Seonghwa right behind and the two of you got up, stifling your giggles- giggles- as you bowed. 

You really should have taken a nap today.

“Nothing, Prince Hongjoong,” you smiled sweetly at him and he pouted.

“You’re no fun,” the prince shook his head and Seonghwa scoffed.

“You’re one to say,” he muttered as he sat and Prince Hongjoong looked pointedly at him.

“This lad is practically asking for an execution order now,” he pointed at Seonghwa who dramatically bowed in apology. “Anyways, I have information that I need to share urgently. I know what exactly it is that Woobin has been trying so hard to hide. It’s a ledger which proves that the King and Prince Woobin have been illegally depositing funds to… make a guess where exactly.”

“Eden?” You shrugged, “But then… I think there’s a third nation involved?”

“Utopia is funding Eden’s mission to annex Mist Island- it’s nothing new if we think about it. Eden’s government has always been somewhat controlled by Utopia. Eden’s prince is one fool if he thinks Utopia will just sit and watch as Mist Island and Eden become one- they’ll take over Eden right after. I don’t know what they’re blinded by, but clearly a large amount of black money makes do.”

“So the physical copy is here?” You asked and they nodded. “And it gives proof of your brother and father’s involvement?”

“Sadly, yes,” Prince Hongjoong confirmed and you scoffed in disbelief. “As well as your father’s involvement.”

“Of course,” you nodded. “How do you want to proceed?”

“We were thinking,” Seonghwa began, “We obtain the ledgers and either resort to blackmailing or make it public.”

“Wouldn’t blackmailing put your life at more risk?” Jongho pointed out. “They won’t just sit back and let you control them even if you could make the ledgers public.”

“To hold the King and Prince accountable and stop this madness, I need more power- not just the empty title of Prince by my name,” Hongjoong said. “And there’s one way the King would have to renounce the throne- if the senior scholars in the palace, all eight of them agree that the King is not fit to rule anymore. Prince Woobin’s involvement will automatically make him unfit as well, which would leave me.”

“How do you plan to convince the scholars?” You asked. “They’d believe you right away but that doesn’t mean they would agree to stand against the King himself.”

“Have you ever kept… something from all of your years in this business, all of our years working together? Something we could use now? It’s okay if you don’t want to lend us if you have something,” Seonghwa glanced at Prince Hongjoong who nodded. “But I think it’ll be helpful if we have a detailed list or something like that.”

You looked at the Prince and his loyal friend- you wouldn’t call Seonghwa anything but a friend to Prince Hongjoong. A smile creeped up your face and the Prince mirrored it.

“You have. I knew you would have.”

“I have,” you confirmed and Jongho clapped at that. “And I’ll gladly lend it to you.”

“Let us know what you want in return,” the Prince was smiling warmly, but you shook your head.

“I want nothing from you, Prince Hongjoong. I’ve never wanted anything from you. In fact… I don't know why I chose to help you, but you haven’t betrayed me like anyone else would have. You didn’t simply use me. That’s enough.”

“I told you she’s our friend,” Seonghwa grinned at the Prince and you gaped at them while Jongho stifled his laugh. 

“I guess you could call it that, though I never imagined I would have such a friend circle,” you laughed as you looked around at the three men.

“I’d like it if you could talk to me informally, Madame Lee,” Prince Hongjoong grinned. “Just call me Hongjoong. Both of you.”

“Only if you stop calling me Madame Lee as well,” you said and everyone laughed at that. “So… I do have a record of all the events that took place because of my business. Would that be enough?”

“We’d like it if you could come with us when we talk to the scholars,” Seonghwa pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. “It would make a better impression- that the Minister’s daughter doesn’t approve of whatever’s happening.”

“I suppose it would be a slap on my father’s face as well,” you pondered. “I’m not sure they would like me much, though. I don’t exactly have the best reputation.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Hongjoong assured you. “So? Will you?”

“I will,” you promised.

“If I may,” Jongho began and everyone nodded. “Has anyone heard of the Twilight Society?”

“The Twilight Society?” You frowned, glancing at Seonghwa and Hongjoong who were looking at each other suspiciously. “It looks like someone has.”

“Where did you hear that?” Hongjoong’s voice was grim. Jongho straightened a bit, glancing at you.

“I imagine it exists then?”

“It existed,” Seonghwa corrected. “Long ago. No one has called its name out loud in two decades.”

“Who were they?” Jongho asked and Seonghwa shook his head.

“Where did you hear it?”

“I once heard Mr. Lee talk to his right hand man about some Twilight Society- it sounded like a name of a place or a group. I forgot all about it, but some recent digging into the past made me wonder if I shouldn’t have forgotten about it after all.”

You were confused- what was he getting at? Seonghwa was looking at Hongjoong, waiting for his sign to either proceed with the chat or shut everyone up. But then Hongjoong took a deep breath.

“Who is involved? Why are you digging into the past? The Twilight Society was dissolved two decades ago”

“My parents were spies for the King- your father,” Jongho began. “I’m imagining that the Twilight Society was some special mission group which my parents were a part of- they passed away during that mission.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “I’m not aware of the members of that society, but I’ll look into it. How does this help us, though?”

“I don’t think my parents passed away because of the enemy- I think something happened. I’m sure Mr. Lee wasn’t a member, but he knows all about what happened to the Twilight Society. If it really was a top secret mission, why does he know about it? Especially when he wasn’t an important figure back then? I’m sure none of the members would have told any outsider of what their mission was, or who they were, for that matter.”

“That’s awfully suspicious,” Seonghwa glanced at you and realised you weren’t aware of this either. “I think I should look into who the members were, and see if your parents really were members of that group. I should look into what exactly their mission was, and why no one dares speak of it.”

“Thank you,” Jongho nodded. “I’m sure the scholars wouldn’t be pleased to hear that someone like Mr. Lee knows of the King’s private matters since so long ago.”

After concluding the discussion, you and Jongho decided to walk back to the Hotel unescorted- there was this unexplainable rush of adrenaline you were feeling after finding out everything. You glanced at Jongho. “I really think we should look at my father’s old house again- there must be something back there.”

“I think so too- at first, I thought I was overthinking, but since they confirmed it…” 

You nodded. “How about we make a little detour?”

Jongho narrowed his eyes at you. “Isn’t it way past your bedtime?”

“I’m not some old cranky woman who cares too much about her ‘bedtime’,” you pouted. “Plus, I’m wide awake after that conversation back in the palace. The house is near as well- only a two minutes walk from here.”

“Well, I suppose we could-”

Jongho’s eyes caught a flash in the dark and you almost screamed when he grabbed your arms and turned around, hiding you two behind a tree as an arrow whooshed past you and hit right where you would have been. Jongho scanned you once to make sure you were okay. “Do you have any weapons on you?”

You nodded and he dared to take a peek, resulting in another arrow mere inches away from the tree you were hiding behind. You took a deep breath. “You have your gun?”

Jongho nodded. You told him your plan and he agreed. Jongho slid to his left, shooting at the direction from where the two arrows had come from and running to the other tree for cover right as you went to your right, separating from him, hoping there was only one or two persons attacking you instead of a whole group. You were right next to another street and you took advantage of the shadows and your black cloak to disappear into the street while Jongho, being a bait, made your attackers follow him away from you. But what you hadn’t told Jongho of your plan was that you were going to take a detour yourself.

You could hear the attacks- the gun wasn’t too loud thanks to the silencer but you could hear the scuffle. You went for the street across where Jongho was, spotting the men. They were two, to your relief. You produced a dagger from your boot and aimed for the closest person, hitting him square in the back.

If there was one thing you were proud of, it was your aim. 

The other man noticed his partner and aimed his arrow for you. You rolled to the side and waited for the arrow to miss you before throwing a dagger, practically blind, and missing him as well. You knew now that he was going to come for you, and you hid and waited until he did. You knocked the arrow out of his grip and almost hit him with the dagger but he gripped your wrist and twisted it painfully. You took off your hairpin, unravelling your hair from the bun, and hit his shoulder. He screamed in pain but unfortunately, his grip on your wrist didn't loosen and he twisted you until your back was flush against him, with the very dagger you had planted in his shoulder now painfully digging in your neck.

"I've waited so long to kill you," his raspy voice made you shiver. You rolled your eyes, about to hit his side with your elbow in an attempt to get free but then the man tensed.

"You move one inch and I shoot you right here." 

It was Jongho, right behind the man, and though you couldn't see him, you figured he had creeped up behind you and was pointing the gun at the man's head. The man scoffed, purposely dragging the dagger along your neck just enough to cut you before raising his hands in the air, dropping the dagger. Now free, you immediately turned and went behind Jongho.

"Who sent you?"

"You can kill me. I won't answer."

"You don't need to," you said, voice steel. "Do whatever you please with him, Jongho."

Jongho shot at the man's thigh, his scream ringing through the air before he stifled it. "Come prepared next time… if you can even manage to walk."

Jongho grabbed your hand and you both made a run for the house- someone was bound to come and check what the screaming was about, especially since this was a residential area. Once inside your old house, you shut the door and Jongho immediately grabbed your shoulder, examining the wound on your neck.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" He asked and you shook your head. Jongho sighed. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this was?"

"This isn't the first time," you simply said. 

"Why did you come back? I had it under control-”

“I couldn’t just leave you there-”

“You could have been hurt!” Jongho sounded exasperated but then he shook his head, touching the skin right behind the cut, wiping the trickling blood in process. “You could have been killed, and I-”

“You could have been killed as well,” you locked eyes with him. “You think I would have liked that? I came back for you. That’s it- I don’t care if it was dangerous.”

Jongho almost glared at you but soon he was smiling, brushing your hair away from your shoulders as he tucked your hair behind. The mere action was so intimate, nothing like you had ever experienced before, that you suddenly felt conscious of the distance between you two, the sound of his breath, and his gaze- he played with your hair. “I like you better with your hair down.”

You rolled your eyes at that, trying to push him away but he grabbed your wrists, making you look up at him. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, okay?”

You pursed your lips, feeling overwhelmed- he actually cared. You nodded, and he left your wrists only to wrap his arms securely around you, and this time, you hugged him back properly, wrapping your arms around his waist and sighing in relief because you had been wanting to do that for a long time now. With a kiss to your temple, he broke the hug, making you raise your brows at him. 

“You make me so confused, y/n,” he almost whispered, cupping your face and caressing your cheeks as he looked at you. “I don’t know how I went from strongly disliking you to… this.”

“This?” You asked. “Are you saying you actually like me now?”

“See?” He laughed. “You’re such a tease. I didn’t like that at first, but I’m not going to complain now.”

“I’m as confused as you right now,” you put your hands on his that were still holding your face. “What do you intend to do with me, Choi Jongho?”

He almost smirked at that, leaning forward and planting a lingering kiss on your forehead first, surprising you. His hands went further down your neck, tilting your face as he kissed your cheek, almost trailing his lips down to yours-

Before you could grab him and do the deed, the sound of something crashing in the living room made you both jump and Jongho once again put himself in front of you as you both went for the living room. The window was open, however, the cardboard boxes that had been right under it were almost smashed, as if someone had stepped over them. Whoever had intruded had probably knocked something over and was either hiding or ran away. You went for the window, spotting movement at the end of the street before it disappeared entirely. 

“I don’t think we’re safe yet,” you announced. “Let’s get this over with quickly. You search the office, I’ll search the rooms.”

“Okay,” Jongho’s gaze was indecipherable and he went to the office while you went to your room first, checking the box under the floor to see if whoever intruded had something to do with this. However, your previous letter was still there. Sighing, you went to your parents’ room, searching for something you didn’t know the nature of. But anything suspicious, anything that resembled a journal or an entry book, you grabbed that and met Jongho in the hallway, who had done the same.

“Should we wait before we go back? Someone might be outside.”

“That someone could very well come inside too, so let’s just go back- I feel safer in my own room,” you referred to your hotel and he nodded, putting everything in a bag that he wore before and grabbing more weapons before you left. Your walk was swift and silent, and you relaxed once you reached the hotel. 

“Someone must have known we were going out tonight- I told no one, though. Did you?” You asked Jongho as you went inside your room and he dumped the bag on the table.

“I didn’t,” Jongho shook his head. “Did anyone see you?”

“I don’t think so, but I think there might be a rat here, in my staff,” you felt bitter at the thought alone. “I’ll think about it tomorrow, I have the worst headache right now.”

“Just sleep,” Jongho nodded. “Let’s talk tomorrow?”

You nodded, and walked Jongho to the door. You called his name and when he turned, you tiptoed to kiss him on his cheek, catching him by surprise. 

“Thank you for… everything.”

Jongho made a funny face as if he couldn’t believe it but then he smiled, waving as he left, and when you shut the door, you sank to the floor grinning like an idiot.

—-------------------

“I don’t think we’re finding anything at this rate. It’s all so cryptic anyway- what are you doing?”

You were glaring at one of your father’s journals, the entries very cryptic, just like Jongho had said. You found out that your father usually noted when exactly he met someone and at what place, and you wondered if noting it down helped him with his memory- he didn’t have a bad memory at all. That must be the reason. 

“You know, glaring holes into these isn’t going to make something pop up,” Jongho tossed a candy near you and you glared at him once before unwrapping it and putting it into your mouth, going back to what you were doing. “You’ll have better luck looking at these albums- let’s switch.”

You sighed, smacking the diary shut and slumping back. “I think we’re only wasting our time. He’s not one to leave behind any trace.” You exchanged your diaries with the albums and started flipping through them. “And even if we find something, we can’t really link anything to what’s currently happening. It’s a long shot.”

“No harm looking,” Jongho said, flipping through the pages. “Besides, isn’t it fun just sitting here and doing basically nothing? A day off from your duties?”

“I don’t remember the last time I took a day off,” you smiled, but then it faltered. “However, this is the last thing I would want to do on my day off.”

Jongho looked at you then, suddenly curious. “What would you rather do instead?”

“I don’t know,” you stretched your arms, thinking. “Visit the beach? It’s been a while, but now there are soldiers everywhere. I could go to the beach in the south though. That area has been secluded for a while and I have acquaintances who live there. It would be nice to visit them.”

“Well,” Jongho threw the diary back into the bag. “Get up then. We’re going to the beach. I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you better be ready by then.”

“Wait, you’re serious?” You scoffed. “I can’t just leave like this-”

“You can,” Jongho grinned. “You’re the boss here. This place can run itself. Come on, get up.”

“Jongho,” you groaned, looking up at the roof as if that would help. Jongho only crawled behind you and flicked your forehead, making you mutter a curse at which he snickered before pushing you up. 

“Don’t be such a brat. Dress casually for once- and don’t tie your hair.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my hair-” you faltered when you recalled how you two had almost kissed last night. You glanced at him and were surprised to see a light flush across his cheeks.

“It just makes you look good. I like it, okay?” He fidgeted awkwardly and then shoo-ed you again, making you laugh as he practically pushed you inside your room. “Fifteen minutes!”

Jongho liked you, you were sure. You liked him too, there was no denying it, but you two were still figuring it out, it seemed. And you planned to get to know him today- not the Jongho who worked under Mr. Lee, but Choi Jongho, the person that he was. You shuffled through your clothes and wore a beige casual gown with ruffled sleeves, leaving your hair half tied with a straw hat, and finally pulling over your black cloak. As you stood in front of the mirror with a racing heart, you realised you were excited. You hadn’t felt like this in years.

Jongho was changing you and your life, and though you hated sudden change, you liked this. And you were realising that he was breaking your walls down. You would never let anyone get as close to you as Jongho had gotten in such a short period of time. You never trusted someone, never asked someone to trust you, yet…

You heard a knock on the door and took a deep breath before taking your bag and opening the door, both of you surprised as you scanned each other- Jongho because you really had let your hair down, and you because he was dressed in a white button up shirt under a brown coat and he looked really, really good.

“Who are you?” You asked, making him grin. “Remember to take your weapons- it’s not safe anywhere these days.”

“I’d remind you too, but I’m afraid to ask just how many daggers you keep on you.”

“Don’t ask,” you nodded, “Shall we?”

The two of you decided to take public transport until you reached the town that bordered the beach in the south. You pointed out a few spots to Jongho and he tried to recall what he remembered of Mist Island. You told him you should have shown him around earlier, but he insisted that now was okay. He also asked why you preferred the beach in the south as opposed to the one closer, when you both took horses for the rest of the path.

“It’s the one spot my mother took me whenever she felt overwhelmed,” you told him. “As you know, my father was absent for the most part of my life. Maybe she missed him. Maybe she just needed someone by her side- someone who was not a child.”

“And the people who live here, the ones you mentioned?” Jongho asked. “Who are they?”

“That’s where they live,” you pointed at a hut at the top of the hill, not very far from where you were now. “They were her friends- I don’t exactly know how. It’s been a decade since I last came here so I guess I will have to reintroduce myself. Maybe they’ll remember me.”

You tied your horses to the trees near the hut and decided to go around the beach first before visiting the hut. The beach was empty, only the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls in the air. You took off your sandals and Jongho followed, grinning at the feeling of the wet sand in your feet. 

“This beach is a lot cleaner, I’ll give you that,” Jongho laughed.

“And there’s no one,” you smiled. “We’ve got this place all to ourselves- that’s my favourite part.”

Jongho watched you- something in you had shifted the moment you took off your shoes and started walking along the shore, occasionally bending to pick a seashell. He followed closely behind, loving the way the wind was blowing your hair away. You turned and caught him staring at you and you raised a brow. He only came beside you to walk with you.

“If we prevent this war and peace comes one day, what do you want to do? After everything is over?”

Jongho thought about it before answering. “I want to move back here. I feel like I’m home.”

“It is your home,” you nodded. “I’m glad you’re finally ditching Eden.”

“I never liked it much if I’m being honest,” Jongho laughed, looking at you. “What would you like to do?”

You took a deep breath, pausing and gazing at the setting sun, the pastels in the sky and the sea. “I want to sell my hotel and find lodging somewhere away from the city- preferably here. I could train the girls here in a variety of things- business, self defence, or even knitting. I just… want to live a quiet life…” you looked at him. “Would you like to join me? You could teach them whatever tricks you’ve learned from my father.”

Jongho threw his head back as he laughed, making you laugh as well. “Yeah? I could teach them how to deal with spoiled brats like you too.”

“Definitely,” you grinned. “What do you say? You and me in this town, away from all the drama. Living in a nice little cottage, growing our own vegetables-”

“Together?” Jongho asked, and something told you that he was talking about a lot of ‘togethers’. You looked at him, watching the wind blowing away his dark hair, his eyes glinting with a hint of amusement, a faint smile on his lips. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with him? Would he like to stay your friend at the very least?

“Together,” you nodded, promising. “If you’d like-”

You didn’t expect him to cup your face and bring you in for a kiss but after recovering from the initial shock, you immediately melted into it, kissing him back, your hands fisting his shirt. The moment couldn’t have been more perfect, and when Jongho broke apart, he joined his forehead with yours. 

“I’m only staying in Mist Island if it’s with you,” he admitted, looking in your eyes for an answer and you gave him a nod, kissing him again. The waves washed your feet as you kissed, making you shiver into it, and you both broke apart, giggling slightly. You put an arm at his back, leaning into him as you both watched the sun set, overwhelmed by the emotions so opting to let the moment talk for itself.

As soon as it got dark, you both headed for the hut and you spotted a woman. “Aunt Nari?”

The woman turned and you gasped at how much she had aged- her hair had lost its colour and there were wrinkles on her face, but somehow, she was still graceful, especially in the way she walked to you and touched your face as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Y/n?” She asked and you nodded which resulted in her immediately enveloping you in a hug as she expressed how surprised she was to see you here and how much she had missed you. “Where’s your mother?”

You glanced at Jongho and then back at the woman. Thankfully, her attention diverted as well and she asked who the ‘young handsome man’ was. 

“My friend, Jongho,” you introduced and Jongho raised a brow at you before greeting the woman. She made you two sit on one of the benches, lighting the rest of the lamps before going inside for refreshments and to call her husband. Jongho tapped your shoulder.

“Just your friend?”

“What else do you suppose you are?” You teased.

“Well, I don’t know,” Jongho leaned forward, making you lean back as well but he leaned to whisper in your ear, “Do friends kiss like that?”

He was so pleased to see you blush like that, and felt victorious when you had no retort. You were relieved to be interrupted by Aunt Nari’s husband coming to greet you both.

“You’ve grown up so much!” He laughed as the couple sat down in front of you. The man looked at Jongho. “Last I saw her, she was still this much-”

“I was not that small!” You scoffed and the rest of them laughed. 

“How’s your mother? I thought she would be with you- did she forget us? She hasn’t visited us in forever.”

“Actually, I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier,” you told them, sipping on the tea before continuing. “My mother kind of went missing a few years ago. I’ve been searching for her but to no avail.”

“Oh, goodness,” Aunt Nari set her cup down. “When did that happen? Where could she be?”

“I don’t know how or why it happened,” you sighed. “Last I know is she went to Eden to visit my father- about eight years ago- and then she never came back. I tried contacting you back then but you weren’t here.”

“That must have been when we thought we’d settle in Utopia,” Uncle Jung said. “We only came back to Mist Island three years ago.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Well, Aunt Nari, you knew my mother better than me. Do you think she ever wanted to run away? Simply leave everything behind and escape? You know she didn’t have the best relationship with my father.”

“One thing I know for sure is that even if she wanted to, she could never leave you,” she said and you almost slumped in relief. Jongho put a hand on yours. “Did you not find a clue or something?”

“I searched all these years in Eden, but Jongho told me she had left- presumably for Mist Island. I suspect my father had a hand in this- he clearly knows whether she’s alive or dead but sometimes he feigns innocence. Sometimes he slips and says something which makes me think if he’s behind this. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

“Oh dear, that’s unfortunate,” Aunt Nari looked at her husband and you noticed their cryptic gaze. 

“If there's anything you can tell me that might help… please tell me.”

“I suppose you’re grown enough to know this,” Aunt Nari looked guilty. “Your father isn’t the best man, I suppose you know that already.” You nodded at that and she continued, “Your father always wanted to involve himself in dangerous politics. Your mother opposed that strongly at first but then she gave in. The last time she met me, which must have been right before she went to visit him in Eden, she told me she was so close to discovering something about your father- something she could use to finally separate from him. He was always lying to her, that man. She knew he was a liar, a murderer, but he always denied it. She didn’t want to be with a man who she didn’t feel safe with.”

You nodded at that. You could understand that about her. “Did she tell you what she was about to find?”

“Something about this secret mission from the King- I suppose there are a lot of those, but this one somehow involved your father. She didn’t exactly tell me how or why, but she was convinced that your father had a hand in the mission going horribly wrong, which also caused the death of someone she was close with.”

You felt Jongho’s grip on your hand tighten a bit. “Is that it?” You asked and she nodded. “Thank you so much, Aunt. I’ll visit you again. I’m searching for answers myself, so this was very helpful.”

“Just stay safe, kid,” she patted your cheek as you got up. “Stay safe.”

You hugged them both, promising again to visit them when you’ll finally find the answers, and when you were about to ride back, you looked at Jongho. “This has to be connected to the Twilight Society, right? My father messed up something with that mission, it seems.”

“Let’s wait until Seonghwa confirms this,” he patted your shoulder before you two got up on your horses. “And let’s pray it’s not worse than we think.”

—----------------

Now that you had taken a step further into your relationship with Jongho, you were finding just how much everything had changed but strangely enough, nothing had changed at all. 

It was kind of funny- you both still teased each other to the point the other would be annoyed, you both still spent most of your time together. He hovered over you a lot while you were working, and when you had free time you two would talk. Yet… the way you looked at each other now was different. Every glance and every touch was more meaningful. You two didn’t have much experience in that field so you two were navigating your way together, at a calm pace. 

However, sometimes all you wanted was for him to hold you. Sometimes, at night after wrapping up, if you both were up for one last cup of tea or coffee, you two would sit by the fire in each other’s arms. He would massage your shoulders or you would play with his hair. Such simple gestures filled your heart with an overwhelmingly good feeling. And sometimes, when he would tuck your hair back before he kissed you, you would want to live in that moment forever. 

You both were still trying to figure out just what Mr. Lee’s role was in the disappearance of your mother, in the Twilight Society’s mission that had failed. With each passing day, there was this undeniable tension growing around you two. Mr. Lee was your father, and he was the man who raised Jongho. Though you two badmouthed the man all you wanted with each other, things were different now as the suspicions grew. 

As you closed the register and instructed Sakura to take the files to the storage, you glanced at Jongho who was sitting in a corner, going through some of his own work. He wanted to buy some land here since he had a lot of money from his time in Eden, and he was also trying to acquire the land that had once been his- his father’s home. You put your face in your hands as you watched him dreamily, your attention diverting when the bell rang and the customers entered-

Prince Hongjoong. Seonghwa. And a few guards. For a moment, your heart sank and an eerie silence fell in the hotel, prompting Jongho to look up as well. But when the Prince smiled after spotting you, you relaxed. 

“I’m just here to grab coffee with you, can you tell everyone to relax?” Hongjoong laughed as you greeted him.

“They can’t help it,” you grinned. 

“I’ll ask the guards to stay outside,” Seonghwa said and you led Hongjoong to the sitting area, who decided to sit with Jongho when he spotted him. Seonghwa joined and you had a maid take their order.

“Are you free right now?” Hongjoong asked. 

“I am,” you confirmed. “What prompted you to get coffee this late at night? Shouldn’t you be getting your royal sleep or something?”

Hongjoong chuckled. “I thought I’d visit here and boom your business. It’s been a while since I last came here.”

You nodded- it had been years. The only time he had visited was when he wanted to personally scout you. Hongjoong grinned. “I’ll visit more now, now that we’re… friends.”

“After all of this is over, this place might be no more,” you surprised him with that. “So visit more often, preferably months apart instead of years.”

“Alright,” Hongjoong nodded, glancing at Seonghwa and Jongho who were engaged in some discussion. “We’ve found out everything, y/n. About the Twilight Society. We have gathered proof, and I would like it if you could visit the day after tomorrow so we can talk to the scholars.”

Your heart sank. “Of course. Are you going to tell me what you learned?”

“After coffee,” Hongjoong sighed. “And alone. More because Jongho would need to be alone when he hears it.”

You glanced at him, your heart breaking. “How bad is it?”

“Worse than we thought,” Hongjoong sipped on his coffee. “I’m guessing you have a vague idea of what might have occurred as well.”

“I’ll let you tell me- I really don’t want to assume,” you took a big sip of your coffee, a million thoughts in your head, nothing making sense. Hongjoong talked a bit about the scholars and how they would like to hear whatever information you all would bring forward, but you could only pay him half the attention.

“I’ll brief him,” Seonghwa was the first to get up along with Jongho, who looked like he had no clue what he was going to hear. Seonghwa passed a subtle nod to Hongjoong and he got up as well. That was when Jongho got confused, when all of you made your way up the stairs. Jongho brushed his hand with yours, asking if everything was alright. You only squeezed it with a sad smile. “I’ll see you after we get briefed.”

Jongho nodded, confused when you parted ways in the hallway, Hongjoong following you to your room. He hadn’t missed the exchange between you two. “Is there something going on between you and Jongho?”

When you looked at him, your sad eyes were all the confirmation he needed. “Oh goodness. I didn’t realise how close you two were. Should I ask Seonghwa to stop-”

“That’s okay,” you urged him to take a seat. “Let’s hear it and get it over with.”

Hongjoong told you then. The only survivor of Twilight Society was the man who was now your father’s right hand man, who had actually faked his death on the documents to escape to Eden under the protection of your father. “Jongho’s parents were initially spies for the King before they met and fell in love. After their marriage, when Jongho was about two years old, the King gave them a mission which came to be their last.

“My father cherished his team, but this mission was risky. His spies were loyal to him so they wanted to take on this mission- they had to infiltrate Eden’s palace to retrieve some stolen documents. The mission was a success, actually. They came back unharmed, but Mr. Ahn- your father’s right hand man- he teamed up with your father to take all the glory for themselves. They stole the documents, and your father… he killed all the spies except him. After having a look at the documents, he made a copy and gave that to the King, but kept the original for himself, which is why he holds so much power.”

“Oh, goodness,” your hands were trembling when you brought them to your face. “My father killed his friends? Jongho’s parents?”

“We captured Mr. Ahn a few days ago, and he finally gave us some information but it was ugly,” he grimaced and you understood. “I’m sorry about this. I don’t know how Jongho will take it.”

“He raised him, Hongjoong,” you took a deep breath, willing your anger to subside but to no avail. “That man, that filth- he killed his parents and then raised him himself. What sort of a person does that? Jongho would have been loyal to him still had he not accidentally heard his conversation with Mr. Ahn and my mother’s warning-”

You paused. Your mother had gone to Eden. She had warned Jongho about a truth that she had discovered. Your father had heard her, and then she never came back. 

“What’s wrong?” Hongjoong frowned when he watched your face go pale. 

“I think he might have killed my mother too- she found out about the Twilight Society, Hongjoong,” you looked at him, fists clenching. “He would not have let her live, would he?”

Hongjoong sighed. “I think Seonghwa has something he would want to tell you about that matter.”

You waited, furious at everything and everyone, Hongjoong patting your back and then Seonghwa knocked and entered. One look at you and he felt like you had already connected the dots. He walked to you and sat beside you. “I’m sorry, y/n. Mr. Ahn told me your father… killed your mother. I don’t know if it’s true though- I can’t be sure if he’s lying or not.”

“I know he did,” you wiped your eyes. “He’s always hinted at that. And I’m going to kill him for that-”

“You will do no such thing,” Hongjoong’s voice was serious. “I get that you would want revenge. Jongho would too. But let us, let me handle it. People like Mr. Lee, their crimes should be made public. They need to fall from all that glory, and they need to feel the shame. I’m sorry, but he doesn’t deserve the swift death that you or Jongho would give him.”

You took a deep breath- somehow, Hongjoong was right. And somehow… you felt like you had known all this for a while. What kind of a man your father was. You nodded. “We can go to the scholars tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow then,” Hongjoong said. “I promise we’ll wrap up your father’s case quickly. This bloody mess shouldn’t turn into a war. Enough lives have been lost. Prince Woobin will be held accountable for possessing this knowledge and keeping it to himself as well.”

You were surprised to hear that- but then again, the relation between Prince Woobin and Prince Hongjoong was much like that of the one between your father and you. You thanked him for coming to tell you both in person, and when you shut the door, you thought of Jongho. 

Mustering your courage, you walked to Jongho’s suite, finding the door unlocked and you went inside, where you could hear Jongho’s soft sobs inside his room, the door shut. You wondered if you should back off and let him have some time to himself. He probably hated you and didn’t want to see you. After all, you were the daughter of the man who had killed his parents. With a wet face, you took a few steps until you were right in front of the door and then slid down, your back to the door. You could hear him- he was probably in the same position as you, with his back to the door too.

“Jongho,” you called and he fell silent, having heard you. “I’m so, so sorry Jongho. I- I don’t know what to say. I just want you to know that I’m sorry-”

He heard you break into sobs and he wiped his face. He heard you continue, “You can hate me. You’re allowed to hate me. Just let me see you once, please.”

Jongho couldn’t hate you- how could he ever? That man who was your father had also killed your mother. He had stolen as much from you as he had from him. You both were victims. Yes, you were your father’s daughter, but…

You were nothing like him, he thought. Your kindness, your dedication, your loyalty… you had basically freed him from the man who had held his clutches all those long, miserable years. You hadn’t caged him like your father had caged him. You were your mother’s daughter, the woman who had raised Jongho with enough love to last him a lifetime, the woman who had warned him and in the process, lost her life. Jongho couldn’t hate you. He felt sorry towards you- your mother had died because of him.

For a few minutes, the two of you sat like that until you heard Jongho get up and you moved away from the door, opting to rest your back against the wall. A few more minutes passed before Jongho finally opened the door and saw you with a black but wet face, knees drawn to your chest. He sat down beside you and some silent moments passed before he spoke.

“I hate Mr. Lee. Probably as much as you hate him, probably more.”

“I know,” you sniffed. 

“But y/n, what makes you think I would hate you?” he asked softly and you glanced at him. “I want to apologise too. Your father must have killed your mother after he heard her talk to me. She risked herself for me, and ended up dying. I’m sorry, y/n.”

“No, no,” you shook your head, turning to face him. “That’s not your fault at all.”

“Then you can stop crying, because being your father’s daughter is not your fault as well,” he simply said, facing you and taking your hands in his lap, caressing them as he continued. “We both lost so much because of that man. I think we should stop blaming ourselves now. I know that my parents have been dead for years now, but you only just found out about your mother. I’m so sorry for that.”

You nodded, looking down at your joined hands. “I’d understand if you don’t want to be together anymore, though-”

“And why would I leave you?” He tugged at your hands, making you look at him and your heart softened at the way he was looking at you. “You’re just y/n to me. The daughter who looked for her mother all those years. The woman who was strong enough to stand on her own feet when she was alone. The person who saved her home, Mist Island, by choosing the right side. The person who risks her life for the people she loves, for the people she chooses. The person I fell in love with- it’s not Mr. Lee’s daughter. It’s simply you.”

You smiled at that, tears rolling down your face again. “That was cheesy.”

“Yeah?” Jongho laughed, cupping your face as he wiped your tears, his gaze suddenly dark. “Tell me you love me too, y/n.”

You took his hands away from your face only to let him hold your waist as you crawled near him, sitting in his lap, running a hand through his hair, cupping his surprised face and kissing his lips once. “You made me realise there’s more to life than just chasing after something I can’t see. You’ve made me feel safe, and you made me feel loved. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else- I love you, and you only.”

Jongho sighed at that, resting his head on your shoulder as you held him, as if he was trying to let this sink in. His hands caressed your waist softly, and you played with the hair on the nape of his neck. When he finally shifted, he brought one hand to cup your neck as he kissed it, right at your weak point and you stifled a sigh. He felt that, and you could feel his smirk through his lips as he continued to kiss you along your neck, attacking your sweet spot way too many times until you moaned. You slapped the back of his neck. “Jongho!”

“I love the sounds that you make,” he muttered, cupping your face and swallowing any response you had as he kissed you with a feverish desperation- showing you that he loved you, that he didn’t want to lose you, that he didn’t care who your father was because you were the one that he wanted. You tried matching his pace but you let him have his way as he kissed all his worries and anxieties away, leaning into you with a force that had your back arching until you held onto him as he laid you down on the floor.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as the two of you tried to catch your breaths, as he caressed your hair. “You’re… so beautiful.”

You couldn’t hide the flush that creeped up your cheeks- you wouldn’t have believed it had he not been looking at you with such an intense gaze. You let your hands travel down his chest, stopping at his waist, earning a sharp intake of breath from him, and he waited no further to start peppering kisses down your face, down your neck, and then you were making out again without any signs of stopping.

“Shall we take this to bed?” You suggested when you two broke apart to catch your breath. He smiled as he lazily kissed your lips again and again. 

“If you’d like, Madame,” he whispered into your ear, tugging at your earlobe with his teeth and you laughed, smacking his chest. 

“You’re naughtier than I thought.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen the best of me yet,” he said, picking you up effortlessly, earning a little scream from you, and you knew Jongho was strong but the way he had picked you up? Without flinching? It was hot, and it sent heat rushing through your body, especially when he put you down on the bed ever so gently.

“It’s a challenge,” you grinned, and he didn’t disappoint you for the rest of the night.

—----------------------

Mist Island had changed a lot in the past few weeks, ever since Prince Hongjoong was officially appointed as the person in charge of the palace, Prince Woobin having been exiled for his crimes, and the King having stepped down from the throne. Hongjoong wasn’t king yet, but already the people were absolutely pleased with him- all the traitors to the safety of this land were behind bars.

That included your father- with the heaviest sentence. His involvement was not made public simply because it would have caused the people to lose faith in their government and their officials, even though all of you would have loved to see his walk of shame. He had committed every crime that he possibly could, and the world was better off knowing such a monster never existed in the first place. 

You also found out just who the rat in your staff had been, who had been reporting to your father and the reason you were almost killed that night when you visited the palace. It was none other than Sakura- the person you worked closely with, the manager when you were absent. However, surprisingly enough, she had come clean to you herself, claiming to not know the extent your father was willing to go (after all, what father would do that to his own child?) and claiming that she was threatened with her own life too. 

You let her off the hook, only because you were closing down Hotel Crescent. A friend of yours from Eden was visiting and offered to buy the place, and you were glad for the timing. It couldn’t have been more perfect. You wrapped up everything in a matter of days before handing him the keys and taking what little you owned to your house.

You were going to keep the house, but you weren’t going to live there. You still wanted to move to the south, and you had even bought land near the beach, where currently your house was being constructed. Your and Jongho’s house, with wide gardens so you two could train people as well, just as planned. 

You looked at Jongho, laughing over something with Seonghwa and Hongjoong, who were currently in your house. You smiled to yourself, picking up the tray and setting the tea and snacks in front of them before sitting beside Jongho. “What’s so funny?”

“I have a job offer for you,” Hongjoong was grinning and you raised a brow in amusement. “I will be crowned king soon. Seonghwa would of course be my Right Hand, but I could use both of you too. I’d like you as my advisor, and Jongho as the head of security. If you’d like.”

You poured tea for him and laughed a bit as you looked at Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s faces, anxiously waiting for your answer. “I… would love that-”

“See, I told you she’d agree!” Hongjoong began-

“But,” you interrupted, “Not now. I don’t think I’d make a good advisor right now. I would like to live peacefully for a while, without a threat on my head as it has always been. You, of all people, would understand that.”

Hongjoong smiled warmly. “Of course. What do you plan to do?”

“Live with Jongho at the beach in the south,” you picked his hand and showed off your engagement rings to the two of them who clapped enthusiastically. “Just take a breather. Maybe train the women there in various skills. Jongho would like to do something similar as well.”

“You two could train our future spies while you’re there,” Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong who nodded and then at Jongho. “Would you like that?”

“Training your spies for you, but they would be answering to me,” you sipped on your tea and everyone laughed. You shook your head. “I would… like that, actually. And maybe once I’ve had enough of the seaside and once we’re sick of the beach, we’d come back. What do you say?”

Jongho squeezed your hand. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Well then, do come visit often. Don’t just forget us,” Hongjoong said.

“Don’t pretend not to recognise us when we come to visit,” Jongho said and everyone laughed at that. 

“You’ll make a very good king, Prince Hongjoong,” you told him and his eyes gleamed at that. “Don’t disappoint us. Remember- we can always kill you in your sleep.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have made friends with you,” Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa who was grinning. 

The four of you talked and joked and teased each other for a good while until it was time for the Prince to leave. You told them you were leaving for the south tomorrow as well. They shook hands with you and thanked you for your service. Hongjoong said, “I owe a lot of my success to you. I hope you know that, and I hope you appreciate that my doors are open for you, whenever you’d like.”

“And I owe the fact that I’m taking a breather to you too,” you nodded. “Come visit me for a vacation sometime.”

The two left and Jongho put an arm around your shoulder. “I’ll kind of miss them, even though I haven’t known them for long.”

“I know,” you smiled. “They really grew up on me.”

“You looked pleased when you showed off our rings,” Jongho teased and you laughed. “Are you that happy?”

“Of course I am,” you turned to him, straightening his shirt before putting your hands on his shoulders. “I’ll show it off to everyone I meet. I’m proud of us.”

Jongho smiled at that, and as you hugged each other, you knew that you’ll be at home with him wherever you go- whether it be the palace or this house or the south, or even another place, faraway.

He was your home.

#jongho x reader #jongho fluff #jongho angst #jongho smut #choi jongho #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #jongho imagines #jongho scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez angst #choi jongho x reader #choi jongho angst #choi jongho fluff #choi jongho smut

[highvern]

Ateez in Different NSFW Careers

Pairing: ot8

Genre: smut, 21+

Warnings: lots of sex, masturbating, porn, domination/submission, fetishes, lmk if i missed anything egregious

Note: this is an idea for a miniseries but idk and thought id put it out there to see if people are interested (dont bring up the ateez mixtape series, im working on it!) thank you @wingsofimagery @yessa-vie for listening to this brain rot

read more here

Hongjoong:

onlyfans creator, solos of him masturbating or nudes. weirdly artistic? like camera angles on point, edited to perfection, color graded. rarely, if ever, collabs with others. occasionally posts erotic photography of one unidentifiable woman. his subscribers aren't sure what to make of it but pictures of them together are some of his best work. daylights as a photographer and has some of his work in small galleries across the city.

Seunghwa:

amatuer porn star, makes homemade couple porn or something with a close female friend. domestic/bf vibes in every video. v soft with each other even when they're having rough sex. people assume they're actually dating bc of the insane chemistry even though they never show their faces. its his fun dirty little secret no one in the office knows.

Yunho:

boyfriend for hire. specializes in "turn your brain off for the night, i'll handle it." rent him to be your date to an event or just for a night on the town. doesn't always sleep with his client (his discretion) but usually cuddles and will spend the night. just trying to pay off his student loans since being an analyst pays shit. big yunho bc he has a big... u kno? and loves hearing the women he sleeps with rave about it. has had several repeat customers and older women that recommend him to their friends.

Yeosang:

audio erotica. just aside hobby for him. tbh 9/10 times forgets to record or that he even has the account. started bc a girl he was seeing freshman year of college told him she wanted a video with the sound on and he didn't know what that meant but she liked his voice enough to let the completely black screen slide. posts sporadically but always makes waves when he does. people have offered him money for custom audios and he always turns them down.

San:

fetish model. shibari, leather, latex. you name it, he's most likely modeled it. has portrait of himself (unrecongnizable, facing away just his back criss crossed with ropes, hands bound at the base of his spine) hanging in his apartment. his friends think its weird since they know he's the one in the picture but most of the girls he brings home just think he's into some freaky stuff. started bc he would nude model for the art classes at his college when he needed fast money for weed. people assume he likes really kinky sex bc of his job but he prefers vanilla sex most of the time bc his job is so kink heavy. works as a fitness instructor as his 9-5, and had a few people recognize him but most are cool and leave him alone

Mingi:

nsfw twitter creator. videos, pictures, sliding into dms. mingi does it all and enjoys the comments of people thirsting over him even if he's one dick among thousands. for his day job he works in a sex store and flirts with the exotic dancers who come in to buy their costumes (turned down every single time, there's even a pool for how quickly he'll strike out). the one girl that flirted back still lives in his brain rent free bc all she did was smile and he folded like origami. now when she comes in mingi has to remind himself not to drool.

Wooyoung:

cam boy brat, sugars on the side. likes being degraded by his audience when he's bad. lover of milfs, and has a sugar mommy he sees once a month. loves being wined and dined by her and then loved on at her fancy apartment uptown. started doing both in college to pay rent, now works at a dance studio and keeps it up bc the extra cash is nice. enamored with taking pictures during sex. has a collection of polaroids with his current FWB that he cherishes more than anything (always carries one in his phone case). toyed with the idea of having her come on his streams but he doesn't want to share. he should probably look into that more.

Jongho:

dungeon dom (IDK), the kind thats a look don't touch dom. if you need a session to work through your stress, go to him. sexy spanking, punishment spanking, therapy spanking. he's got the knowledge and know how. has a strange collection of vintage dvds and magazines. rare stuff that he treats like art rather than smut. jongho i never want to speak on your name im sorry

-

Taglist: @tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

#ksmutsociety #kvanity #cromernet #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #atz fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez angst #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #🫡 highvern

[bvidzsoo]

Who am I?

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: mentions of a gun, cursing, smut

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader

Word count: 14,2k

Summary: Going through the dark passageway late in the night really wasn't your greatest idea, but the angels were on lookout that night and sent Jeong Yunho as your savior. But what happens when you realize Jeong Yunho isn't at all what he seems to be?

A/N: Uh...hi? This piece here really shouldn't exist, like the way I wrote it was so against the routine I have when doing stories, I'm even shocked it became real. It also was supposed to be a mere longer drabble but oh well, I suck at writing short stories either way. Also, Jeong Yunho is a constant in my mind lately so...ig it was inevitable that I write something with him. *sigh* There's smut in here and ugh...yeah, I tried again lol. Leave feedback, I very much appreciate it and stay tuned for the next chapter of the rockstar!au Mingi story! Enjoy now and tell me your thoughts!

⟨Masterlist⟩

            It really was my fault; I should have been smarter before turning down the dimly lit passageway between the two tall buildings. But the path towards my flat was shorter this way, and I was in a hurry, desperate to finally get home after a long and busy day. The streets were quiet as night had settled upon the otherwise lively city and as I exhaled through my mouth, a little puff of smog appeared in the chilly air. My hands slipped deeper into the pockets of my black bomber jacket as I nuzzled my nose more into it, the tip of it unmistakably red. Winter struck upon us quite unexpectedly and the hope that we still had a few more days of sunshine and as little warmth as the sun could offer came crushing down when the wind picked up two days ago and snow started falling immediately. And what was even worse is that the temperatures dropped so low that everything had frozen over by now and it was slipper; in the past ten minutes I have almost fallen on my bum at least three times. But the little scare got my heart pumping faster, and I wasn’t feeling as cold as I was supposed to despite the layers of clothing adorning my body.

There was a light shuffle behind me, that was the first thing which caught my attention, and then suddenly, the dark figure standing a few feet ahead close to the wall, as if they were facing it, was the second thing to alarm me. My heart leaped slightly as my hands balled up into fists in my pockets, but I quickly tried to calm myself down. Not all men were evil and not all men wanted to hurt women, and I wasn’t even sure it was a man standing up front. My legs carried me faster and I gulped when the person whipped their head around to look at me. My hunch was right, it was a man, and he had a bloodied lip as I took in his face while still approaching. I quickly averted my eyes and quickened my pace, hoping that if I ignored him, he would ignore me as well. I had nothing on me if he decided to attack me, I could only hope my fists were good enough and I wouldn’t break my fingers if I was forced to use brute force. I only would have had to take three more steps to be past the man, but he suddenly jumped in front of me and I came to a halt as he squared me up. I tried not to let him see the fear I was feeling pulsing through my body as I clenched my jaw as my body lightly trembled from the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream.

“Hey there, bunny.” My eyebrows furrowed at his raw voice, almost as if it was hard for him to speak as a disgusting smirk painted his lips. I suddenly wished I had taken the longer way, walked on the main road instead of this shortcut. When the man realized I wouldn’t say anything back, he tsked, “Are you shy, little bunny?”

Nicknames were annoying in a normal scenario and it was only making my skin crawl right now, but I remained silent, gripping the keys of my flat’s front door which I had in my left pocket. One wrong move from the man, and I wouldn’t hesitate to stab him with it.

“Why are you not answering me?” His voice got rougher and he took a wobbly step towards me, and without much thought, I whirled around with the purpose of walking back the way I have come, but another man was blocking my path. He looked lanky and was hunched over as his lips pulled into a scary sneer. I was cornered. My hands started trembling more as I took a deep breath, trying to think level headed, but my mind was clouded with panic as I searched for an escape route without much success. Before I could even react, the man with the busted lip approached me from behind and as I turned to be able to see him, his rough hand made contact with my left shoulder. I quickly yanked myself away and slightly crashed into the concrete wall of the building behind me.

“Don’t touch me!” I managed to snap out with a shaky voice, yet it sounded rough. It certainly didn’t match the way I was feeling, scared absolutely shitless.

“Is my little bunny scared?” If I wasn’t so scared I probably would’ve seen red at his claim over me, and it only made it worse as the other man chuckled. My eyes snapped towards him before quickly looking back at the other man when I realized he tried to grab at me again.

“I said, don’t touch me!” I shrieked and went to push him backwards, breathing irregularly as I was full on shaking, on the verge of a break down. But if I started crying I would look helpless, which I was, and I probably wouldn’t be able to see anything, so I willed myself to blink away the tears quickly.

“You little bitch, you wanna play rough?” The man spat as he had stumbled backwards from my push and I shrunk against the wall when the taller one suddenly started approaching, a hungry stare in his eyes. My lips started trembling and I went to yank out my keys and lunge at the taller one, but a very amused chuckle halted everyone’s actions. All I could think about was a third man coming to do vile things to me and at the thought, a few tears rolled down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped at them when I saw the battered-up man smirking in my direction at my distress.

“I thought I beat your sorry ass into unconsciousness.” At the hear of the third person’s voice, the battered-up man suddenly froze and his eyes widened as the taller one took a step back, leaving just enough space for me to run away, “What are you still doing out here?”

The battered-up one cursed under his breath before putting on a fake smile as he whirled around, facing the third man. I was too scared to look, shaking, as I pondered whether it was the distraction I needed to run away, “I was just playing with my little bunny, you should go on your way—”

“She doesn’t look like she wants to play with you, Siwon.” The third man snapped and my eyebrows furrowed at the familiarity of his tone. It resembled someone’s I knew from my university, but I remained unmoving as the tall man slowly backed away, “And you, Nikhun, I thought I said I didn’t want to see you around here, anymore…”

“I was just passing by.” The taller one, Nikhun, stiffly said before he abruptly turned around and took off almost in a run as the familiar voice just chuckled. My muscles slightly relaxed as I realized I could now just run back the way I had come, and moving slowly, I started heading just that way.

“I know I said I wasn’t going to kill you, Siwon,” The familiar sounding man tsked as I continued slowly walking with my back pressed up against the building’s cold wall, “But you’re really testing my patience lately.”

“Fuck you, man.” Siwon spat and I jumped when there was suddenly a loud crash and an exasperated scoff. I froze and didn’t dare breathe as I felt eyes on me. I didn’t know who was looking at me or what happened, I was scared to turn my head and look. I had to run. But as I pushed myself away from the wall, the familiar voice suddenly called out.

“It’s okay now, Y/N.” What—I whipped my head around and first took in the scene. Siwon, the battered-up man, was lying on the ground unconscious by the big trashcan. The loud bang must’ve been him. With wide eyes, I looked at the third man alarmed, and my jaw dropped as I stood staring at the familiar face of Jeong Yunho. Everyone knew him at university and everyone loved him. Jeong Yunho was like the sunshine. He was always smiling and laughing, cracking harmless jokes and hitting up a conversation effortlessly with anyone. He was kind and considerate, he always helped out anyone who needed help. He would carry your stuff if they were heavy and he’d walk you home if it was too late. He held the door open for anyone and he would make place for you at the Cafeteria if there were no more empty spots. The Jeong Yunho who was often found in the library with his nose buried in books, typing furiously on his laptop, and always turning in his assignments way before their deadline. He wore light colors and fluffy clothes, often paired with hilarious beanies and hats. But the guy standing a few feet away from me looked nothing like the Yunho I have taken glances at or heard stories about. Yunho and I weren’t friends, we were far from being acquittances even, but everyone knew him at our university and that included me. We were people from two very different universes and I had no idea how he knew my name. Yes, sure, we would cross paths in the library at times when I was in a rush as my deadline was a day or two away, and yes, I did almost spill my coffee on him once, but there was never a conversation involved or an exchange of names. Just a small, “Oh, my, God! I’m so sorry, that was a close call.”, and a “Don’t worry about it, you have great coordination, you stopped in time.” If I would have had great coordination, I wouldn’t have nearly ran into him, but I didn’t have the time to tell him that as I was late to work.

“Yun—Yunho?” I stuttered out finally once I was one hundred percent convinced it was Jeong Yunho. The dimly lit passageway made it harder to see his face from where I was standing and his clothes were unrecognizable, but it was his voice which confirmed his identity.

“Jeong Yunho in person.” He chuckled and I finally pulled myself together and slowly started approaching him. My legs were slightly shaky and I was still clutching my keys tightly in my left hand, but my heartbeat was slowly calming down. I passed by Siwon and took a peek against my better judgement, eyes widening when I saw the little trickle of red from the side of his head. Was he…going to die?

I looked up as I came to a stop a few steps away from Yunho and exhaled, coming face to face with a very unfamiliar looking Jeong Yunho. Despite the cold weather he was wearing a black leather jacket over what seemed to be a long-sleeved form fitting blouse with graphic design on it, and wide black jeans hugged his legs with the blouse tucked in, showing off his waist. His neck was decorated with various necklaces and as he extended one hand towards me, I noticed all the rings on his long fingers. I gulped as I looked back up at him, slightly intimidated and mostly confused. His black hair was completely pushed back and the usual fluffiness was gone from it.

“Come, you’re safe now.” Yunho encouraged me with his usual warm smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I reluctantly extended my hand and placed it in his palm, gasping when he yanked me forward, making me jump over Siwon’s slumped body. Yunho smirked as I somehow managed not to fall against his chest, big eyes staring up at him in shock, “Good thing I was passing by, angel, or else these two…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and he didn’t have to; I knew. I gulped and became aware of the awfully obvious height difference between the two of us and scrambled to pull my hand out of his, but Yunho’s grip suddenly tightened and he stepped closer, making me tip my head back as I tried looking in his eyes. My heart was racing once again and I could feel a blush creep up onto my cheeks as Yunho’s eyes examined my face with a small smirk, “What are you doing out here so late at night?”

“I—” My mind blanched for a second as Yunho’s cold fingers intertwined with mine, “I had the evening shift today, I—I was just walking home.”

“It’s unsafe at this hour.” Yunho’s voice turned stern and I averted my eyes, suddenly embarrassed that I was getting scolded by him, “And especially through this neighborhood, Y/N. You should’ve stuck to the main road instead.”

“I know.” I grumbled under my breath and Yunho chuckled, his voice deep, and it only made me flush harder as I avoided eye contact.

“Let’s get you home.” He said quietly and I looked at him alarmed, extracting my hand from his as he started walking us towards the end of the passageway.

“I can walk on my own—” I said in a panic, not wanting Yunho to walk with me. I wasn’t even far away, I have taken this route so many times before, I was going to be fine now that those two men were gone, but Yunho’s tone definitely made me rethink my words as he spoke up.

“You are not walking on your own, especially around here.” Yunho’s voice was sharp and he threw me a quick glare as he looked behind, at me, “Do you not know anything about this place?”

I shrugged and pushed my hands into my pockets again, “I do, but it’s not that big of a deal. I always walk home at this time and nothing has ever happened. I just had bad luck tonight.”

“Bad luck, you say.” Yunho scoffed, face contorted into disgust, “The things those two would’ve done to you would have been terrible, Y/N, and you call it bad luck?”

“Okay, fine.” I snapped and walked up to his side, giving him a wide-eyed stare, “Walk me home then, but this is fucking weird. How do you even know my name?”

Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and his sharp stare made me gulp as I shrunk back, walking a little further away from him, “We go to the same university.”

“I’m not popular.” I deadpanned and Yunho shrugged, looking ahead as his jaw clenched and unclenched.

“You once scribbled in a book from the library and I was at the front desk when the librarian lost it. She rambled on about you for a good fifteen minutes before I was finally allowed to rent the book I wanted.” I cleared my throat in embarrassment, remembering well what the next day looked like when I walked inside the library. I have skipped going there for the next two months from shame as the librarian had screamed at me for ten minutes without even as much as taking a breath.

“Whatever, it’s still weird.” I muttered and nuzzled my nose behind the neckline of my jacket, regretting now that I haven’t worn a scarf. Yunho just chuckled and cast me a side glance as his longs legs carried him around faster than my shorter ones; it almost felt like I was jogging next to him. He must’ve been cold with how few clothing items he was wearing. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander towards him as I took in his appearance again, deciding that this version of Yunho was intimidating and quite…hot. His bright persona was certainly eye catching but this felt different, alluring almost.

“It’s not weird,” Yunho said with a chuckle, lips pulling into an amused smile, “I’m just observant.”

I hummed, but didn’t look at him as I asked my next question while we crossed the road, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

Yunho chuckled again, but it was lower and as we looked at each other briefly, there was a dark glint in his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, mischief written all over his face, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

I rolled my eyes and quickened my pace, just wanting to get home already. I was tired and cold.

“Do you have the evening shift often?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I fired back and Yunho laughed, head tilting back slightly, “Don’t expect me to give you an answer when you evade mine with a question.”

“You didn’t look like you’d be this feisty, angel.” My steps halted as I stared at Yunho incredulously, eyes slightly widening in offense. What did he mean by that?

“I’m tired.” I called out since Yunho hadn’t stopped walking and now I had to jog to catch up with his long strides, “And you’re walking too fast.”

“My apologies.” Yunho suddenly slowed down and looked at me with a big smile, the first time he looked like the Yunho I knew from university, “Sometimes I forget not everyone has long legs like mine.”

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, “I wonder how’s the weather up there.”

Yunho suddenly laughed, pressing a palm against his lips as it was loud, “I haven’t heard that one in long.”

I just hummed and cast another glance at him, confused of our whole conversation and the situation we were in. To be fair, I was grateful for him, of course I was, but the shock still hadn’t worn off and I was still slightly thrown off by his demeanor and change of personality…and looks. We continued walking in silence, steps hurried as the wind started blowing harder and all I could think about was Yunho being cold and getting sick because of his choice of clothing. However, the quiet didn’t last for long around us as we heard approaching footsteps, it sounded like they were running towards us. Yunho and I looked back at the same time and I failed to notice the way his expression hardened and jaw set. Before I could react, a heavy arm was draped around my shoulders and I was pulled into a sturdy body, warmth wrapping around myself and a masculine scent. I looked up at Yunho flabbergasted before watching the running man again as he came to a stop a few feet away from us.

“Hey, Yunho—” He panted as he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, “Finally found you, man.”

Yunho said nothing as he watched the guy, strengthening his grip against my shoulder when I tried to move away. My eyebrows furrowed as I struggled for a bit more, until Yunho clicked his tongue and I looked up at him, feeling his gaze on me already. His eyes were sharp and dark and I gulped as I looked away, stilling in his grip when he looked back at the younger looking guy, “What do you want?”

His voice sounded nothing like the friendly person I have been just talking to, it was ice cold and it made me shiver.

“Yeah, uh,” The guy glanced at me reluctantly, “Cheol wants the money. Soon.”

Yunho scoffed and rolled his eyes as I looked at him curiously, wondering where this conversation was going, “I thought I have made myself clear already, Chan.”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, alright?” The shorter guy scoffed and stood up straight, his eyes hardening as he looked at Yunho now with a slight glare, “You’ve been avoiding us for months now, Cheol is getting fed up…so is everyone else.”

“And I have a reason for that,” Yunho snapped, anger coating his voice, “which you all know of. If you want my money, do your fucking end of the deal for once.”

“Was the merch not good enough last time?” Chan raised an eyebrow. These two were acting like I wasn’t even there, so I tried to get out of Yunho’s grip again, but instead, he gripped my nape and roughly pushed my head into his chest, making me gasp. I clutched against the collar of his leather jacket and tried to pull away, but Yunho’s strength was immense, so, instead my cheek was mushed against his firm chest, his musky cologne invading my senses and making my head slightly dizzy.

“If it were good, you would’ve seen the money by now.” Yunho’s voice held no emotions and I watched as best as I could from my position as he reached with his right hand behind himself, moving at what looked like lightning speed to me, but with my vision obscured I wasn’t able to see what was in his hand, “Go back to Cheol and tell him to get his fucking act together before I take action.”

“Asshole.” I heard this Chan guy snap and then an unsettling silence followed. I bit my lower lip and wondered what was going on, and it didn’t take long to find out as he spoke up soon again, “Got yourself a shiny new toy?”

“She’s a person, not a toy, Chan. And she’s not mine.” Yunho’s voice was rough and my breath halted for a second as I felt Yunho’s fingers twitch against my skin. I moved my head slightly to look up at him and caught the quick glance he sent down at me. It was dark and emotionless, yet it held a clear warning that I needed to stay quiet. My heart skipped a beat involuntarily.

“You better claim her then, before Cheol gets his hands on her—”

“Get lost, right now.” I have never heard such a threatening tone from anyone before, and my blood froze over at the anger and sneer in Yunho’s voice as he grabbed onto the back of my head tightly, making me freeze as I heard the click of something. Was…was he holding a gun? I gasped quietly as my fingers dug harder into the fabric of Yunho’s jacket and I heard the Chan guy cackle before his footsteps stared fading away. Yunho, however, didn’t move and I was too scared to do so as I realized I had started shaking. Suddenly, my head was being pulled back by Yunho’s hand on my nape and we made eye contact as he looked down at me menacingly.

“Not a word to anyone.” I exhaled shakily and frantically nodded my head as I dared to take a glance at his other hand, which, to my horror, held a black gun. My blood ran cold as Yunho released me at the same time as he put his gun away, behind himself, probably in the belt of his jeans, “Let’s go.”

And the rest of the walk was silent and hurried as I almost ran to finally get home, confused and scared and needing a shit ton of answers to the questions swirling in my head, which Yunho was probably unwilling to give. I valued my life above all, and therefore I remained silent, besides, the anger oozing off of him was enough to shut me up despite my sparkling curiosity. Who the hell was Jeong Yunho?

            The next day I did everything in me to forget about last night’s endeavors and about Jeong Yunho. I could act like nothing happened, like it was all just a dream. And everything was going well, until…until Yunho and I crossed paths in our university’s hallway. Well, we didn’t actually cross paths, but we saw each other briefly as I was walking with my best friend to class and Yunho was headed towards the stairs, the two of us on the two opposite ends of the long hallway. My friend was talking about the book she was currently reading and I would hum or nod along to her words, letting her know that I was paying attention despite being silent as we walked, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack. I nodded in agreement at her characterization of a character we both enjoyed from the book, when I finally looked ahead and my mind blanked. It certainly did feel like last night was a fever dream as Yunho stood on the other end of the hallway, black hair falling in soft curls against his forehead with his rainbow-colored sweater hanging loosely around his frame, big hands disappearing in the sleeves of it. His jeans were a faded grey and he was laughing as he talked to someone, eyes disappearing and cheeks puffed out. He looked nothing like the guy from last night and it gave me whiplash as his menacing and threatening eyes flashed before my eyes just as Yunho suddenly looked ahead, his eyes finding mine, looking at me with the warmest gaze anyone could muster up. I realized I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it when my brain convinced me that Jeong Yunho from right now and Jeong Yunho from last night weren’t the same person.

“Are you staring at Yunho right now?” My best friend’s voice finally snapped me out of my staring and I looked at her with the same wide eyes.

“I—yeah, but—” I needed to get it together, “That’s not Jeong Yunho.”

“Uh,” My friend looked at me like I had grown another head, “then who is he?”

“I don’t know, but—” I let out a long huff, eyebrows furrowing as I looked back at Yunho, “but that’s not the same guy from last night, I’m telling you.”

I could see the confusion on my friend’s face as she looked towards Yunho, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “He looks like—Yunho. I mean, what are we even talking about right now? Did you hit your head or something?”

“Stop it.” I snapped at her and pushed at her shoulder in frustration, making my friend glare at me, “He must have two personalities or something.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, Y/N.” My friend chastised me and I groaned in frustration. Of course she wouldn’t understand. She wasn’t there. She didn’t see the Yunho I have. Coming to think of it…I don’t think anyone had from around here, seeing as everyone was flocking towards him and acting so freely with him. His laughter carried down the hallway and it was soft, his cheeks slightly rosy as a girl leaned too close to him and he averted his gaze shyly. He was void of all the accessories he had been wearing last night and his clothes were what I was used to seeing him wear on a daily basis. He kept shifting from one foot to another as a guy threw his arm around Yunho’s shoulders as the two giggled about something, Yunho covering his mouth before whispering something to him back with a cheeky smile. The image of him holding a gun suddenly flashed behind my eyes and I jumped, sucking in a sharp breath of air. My friend looked at me like I was crazy and I averted my eyes from Yunho, looking at her like I have seen a ghost.

“There’s something very wrong with that guy, I’m telling you.” I muttered as I grabbed her wrist and pulled her in the opposite direction, scared of facing Yunho after his weird personality shifts.

“You sound super crazy right now, bestie.” I rolled my eyes and huffed as my best friend taunted, cackling when she saw the discontentment on my face.

            And the days passed just like that. Jeong Yunho, wearing every existing bright color, avoiding eye contact when he felt shy and hiding behind his hand when he laughed a little too hard. His cheeks had a flush to them constantly and he would carefully arrange his wavy bangs against his forehead. It was confusing. I was becoming convinced with each passing day that what had happened that night was just a fever dream, and that it was so real that my mind decided to believe it. Perhaps I was lucid dreaming or something, it wouldn’t be the first time. Two weeks had gone by since my strange encounter with Yunho and I have finally come to terms with the fact that maybe what happened wasn’t even real. It couldn’t have been, not when Yunho didn’t even glance my way once. Not when he remained the bright and lovely popular boy and I…continued almost missing my deadlines, which meant I was coped up in the library currently, searching for the book I needed without having much luck in finding it. I was too lazy to ask the librarian as I would need to descend the stairs, so I instead grew more and more frustrated as I stomped around between the bookcases. I was surely disturbing someone, but I didn’t care. Eyes set on the books, one title caught my attention and I stopped, hoping that it was the book I needed. It was at eye level and I pulled it back just enough to be able to see the cover and title of it. I felt like banging my head against the shelf when I realized it wasn’t the book I needed, and with a very loud sigh/groan, I pushed it back harshly, almost screaming when a human head was casually leaning against the bookshelf next to the book I had just examined. My heart beat like crazy as I gaped at Yunho, his warm eyes twinkling with amusement as his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. His baby pink shirt hugged his frame messily as the collar fell a little low, showing off the smooth skin of left shoulder, and his dark green cargo pants were an interesting choice to wear. Yeah, this was the Jeong Yunho I knew. Dressing quirky and looking almost like an oversized puppy as his lips were pushed into a pout. I couldn’t find any words to say so I just scrambled through my brain for something, pushing my hair behind my ears as Yunho continued staring. It was becoming too much, his gaze.

“What?” I managed to say, still at a loss and not knowing how I should approach him.

“Hi.” His lips suddenly pulled up into the brightest smile I had ever seen, and his eyes twinkled with so much warmth that I took a step back. I’m going crazy, aren’t I?

“Hi.” I willed myself to greet him back, taking another step back as Yunho took one towards me, smile still on his face. He didn’t say anything else as he proceeded to come closer and closer, making me chuckle nervously as I continued putting distance between the two of us, not for long though. My back soon ran into the bookshelf and I internally whined as it cut into my back sharply. Yunho came closer, caging me in between the bookshelf and his body, making my heart somersault as I looked up at him confused, but intrigued. He was still smiling, still looking as friendly as ever, still the bright and well-liked guy from our university. Suddenly, his arms raised and were placed on each side of my head, slightly above. Yunho went and leaned down a bit, crooking an eyebrow as my eyes widened and body shrunk against the hard shelf. His musky cologne wrapped around me once again, and the events of that night flashed before my eyes without a warning.

“What are you doing?!” I whispered, sounding panicked as Yunho looked almost confused by my reaction. Almost as if it didn’t make sense that I was reaction to him like this. But I had every reason to, I can’t be crazy.

“I’m looking for a book,” He said with a light tone, expression calm, “this is the medical section. You know I’m studying to become a doctor, right?”

“No.” My answer was instant; I had no idea what his major was. I only heard rumors about how great he is, not about what he does or studies here.

“Oh, now you know.” Yunho said surprised and looked above my head, grinning happily as he reached out. What the hell was happening?

“You’re majoring in architecture, right?” I nodded wordlessly, confused as to how he knew once again something about me. I never told him. Just like with my name.

“So, did the librarian tell you this too about me?” I asked, sounding a little accusatory, as I raised an eyebrow at Yunho. He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at me in amusement.

“Not quite, I figured it out when I saw you leaving class a good while ago.” Right. He saw me leaving class. Sure. My eyes narrowed at him and I licked my lips, about to slip away and go on my merry way as this whole interaction was weird and confusing, but as if Yunho read my mind, he stepped even closer, the front of our boots touching. I looked up at him alarmed, eyes widening as Yunho lowered one arm, holding a book.

“This is so weird,” I muttered to myself, feeling uncomfortable, “Is there something wrong with you?”

My question was quite offensive and I didn’t think it through before I said it out loud, but it didn’t seem to affect Yunho as he started giggling quietly, eyes becoming smaller as his cheeks flushed. How was this the same man from that night? Did he have a twin or something? Why would his name be Yunho too? Was he fucking around with me? Or did he just have multiple personalities?

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, angel.” My body tensed at the nickname and I watched as Yunho composed himself, and yet, the Yunho suddenly caging me against the shelf wasn’t the same Yunho from just a second ago. The friendliness and warmth slipped from his face as his eyes slightly narrowed, darkening as a smirk appeared on his lips instead of the cute smile he directed at everyone. My heart started beating faster as he bit his lower lip, leaning down even more to be eye level with me, making my breath catch in my throat, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“Something very wrong.” I managed to whisper as Yunho chuckled darkly, the knuckles of his free hand suddenly grazing against my cheek. I flinched, but didn’t pull away as his eyes ran over my face. The way his wavy hair fell in his eyes made them look sharper. He oozed danger and my mind screamed at me to high tail it out of there, yet my feet remained planted.

“There’s nothing wrong with someone who has a colorful personality, angel,” Yunho’s deep voice rang through my ears as he leaned in to whisper in my left ear, goosebumps erupting on my skin, “Have you told anyone about our encounter from that night?”

I quickly shook my head no and Yunho smirked, pulling back and gripping my chin tightly, yanking me forward and knocking the wind out of my lungs, “Good girl, keep doing that. I’m afraid something might happen to you if you decide to blabber on about it to someone.”

I shuddered as his piercing gaze kept me locked in, a whisper barely passing between my lips, “Like what?”

The sinister look which crossed Yunho’s face felt like a punch to my gut and I suddenly remembered the gun he owned. He’d shoot me. He’d kill me. Of course he would, something told me he wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about it.

“I would have to punish you—” He bit his lower lip as he paused for a second, making me realize I started shaking, “And not in the way I would love to.”

“Fuck.” I muttered, gripping his wrist and lightly pushing against it. His words were meant to be threatening, and they were, I was shaking after all…but his words also did something to me as my stomach twisted and body shivered, eyes subsequentially falling onto his red and plush lips. Yunho’s smirk widened and he leaned so incredibly close that I could feel his breath hitting my lips, his skin seemingly flawless from up close. My fingers closed around his wrist tighter as my back melted into the bookshelf behind me.

“Let’s keep it our little secret for now, angel.” His thumb swept against the skin of my chin, my face flaming at the motion, “And I shall reward you if you’re a good girl.”

“How?” I whispered, looking into Yunho’s dark eyes.

“You shall wait and see.” He winked and before I could think more about his words, he was gone just as quickly as he had come. I was left blinking confused at nothing and struggling to breathe regularly as Yunho’s warm, and big, hand left my skin burning where he had touched. What have I indirectly gotten myself involved into?

            Things happened the same way like the first time after my strange encounter with Yunho in the library. He didn’t look my way, he didn’t acknowledge me, he didn’t speak to me for at least a good two weeks. It was weird, everything he was doing. I had so many unanswered questions, but I pushed them to the back of my mind and hoped that whatever weird thing going on between Yunho and I would stop for good now. I didn’t want to get tangled up in something which felt so unsure and dangerous. I still haven’t forgotten the gun Yunho owned nor the conversation between him and that Chan guy. Even a dumb person would’ve understood that there was something illegal, at least, going on between the two of them and I didn’t want to get involved. However, the radio silence didn’t last for long as it was another Thursday and I was closing up the small convenience store I was currently working at. I had the evening shift again; the clock was close to hitting midnight and it was snowing heavily outside. I sighed when I realized I would have to walk twenty minutes just to get home. There were no signs of snow half an hour ago, it came out of the blue and I watched as a group of teenagers ran past the convenience store laughing loudly and having a snowball fight. I couldn’t share their joy as I shrugged on my coat, the weather had been nice today, I thought it wouldn’t get cold and thus abandoned my thick winter jacket, which I came to regret now. I switched off the lights and braced myself for the cold as I pushed open the door and instantly shuddered. There was a freezing chill in the air and it clung to my body as I quickly tightened the scarf around my neck, at least I had half a mind to bring one with myself. I struggled for a few seconds with the lock, it's been acting up for a while now but the owner didn’t bother to fix it, until I heard a click and pushed against the door, making sure I have truly locked it. I whirled around to stalk off towards the bus stop, with little hope that the last bus hadn’t went by already. However, I was quickly forced to stop by the sight in front of me. Yunho, painfully underdressed for the current weather, stood leaning against a black massive car. It was an SUV, a very expensive looking one.

“Evening, angel.” My jaw shouldn’t have almost hit the pavement, but I couldn’t help but gape at him. What was he doing here? Why was he here? Was that his car? How? Was he rich? Now that I come to think of it, I have no idea what Yunho does outside of university or the type of family he comes from. The sudden realization of knowing exactly nothing about him besides the persona he paints himself as was startling as a sly grin crossed Yunho’s features. It made my stomach flip.

“What are you doing?” I managed to ask, reluctantly walking closer to him. Yunho pushed his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket, which looked thicker than the one he wore on the night he had to save me from those two creeps. His jeans were ripped and black and a very tight, form fitting, white shirt clung onto his well-defined body. With a black baseball cap over his wavy hair he looked extremely handsome underneath the street light, I had to stop myself from letting my eyes wander all over his body once again.

“Saw how hard it started to snow,” Yunho spoke up casually, smirking when I stopped a few feet away from him, “Figured you might just take the shortcut again, so, I’m here to pick you up.”

“No, you’re not.” My answer rushed through my lips instantly and I looked at him startled, slightly taking a step back as Yunho pushed off his car, “I am perfectly capable of walking home and besides—I might still catch the last bus.”

“It went by while you were still locking up, angel, just accept my offer and stop being so stubborn.” Yunho sounded slightly irritated as he walked closer, head lowered so that I was able to see his eyes from this angle. They were narrowed and I gulped, realizing that he wasn’t playing nice nor would act goofy like at university, this was the weird and intimidating version of Yunho.

“Excuse me if I’m hesitant in accepting your offer, Yunho,” I snapped, slightly fed up with the constant whiplash this guy was giving me, “But I have no actual idea who you are and so far you’ve been acting like a stalker. You know my name, you know my major, you randomly show up when I’m in trouble and then you walk me home despite my complaints. You proceed to act completely different than the guy I’m used to seeing at university and you have strange conversations with weird people who are threatening you and are calling me yours like I’m simply just a piece to be put on display and you—you have a gun! And you’ve threatened someone with it. So, yeah, I don’t exactly want to get in your car for you to—drive me home? Or kill me. Or do something else to me.”

“If I wanted to do something to you or harm you I would’ve already done so, Y/N, I had plenty of chances for that.” My jaw hung open once again at Yunho’s instant reply, heart hammering at his admission. Is this seriously the only thing he’s taken from my rant? Which felt good to finally get off my chest, but it seemed to make no difference as Yunho shook his head lightly and suddenly invaded my personal space, taking me completely off-guard, “Who I am at university and who I am outside of it might seem like two completely different people to you, but it’s me. I’m not always happy, and goofy, and I’m not always in a good mood. I just don’t like showing the real me around people.”

“I am people, so what’s different?” I scoffed, glaring up at him, “We don’t even know each other so I don’t understand why you feel the need to drop your act around me.”

“Would you prefer me acting all fake, then?” Yunho’s tone was harsh and his face read displeasure as I allowed my eyes to soak in his expression. Would I prefer that? It was the Yunho I was accustomed to, but would I like that?

“I don’t know,” I managed to mutter out, averting my eyes when Yunho’s dark gaze became too much, “I guess I’m just used to that version of you and this—feels weird, perhaps scary.”

Yunho suddenly sighed and his shoulders slightly dropped as he looked up at the sky, his smooth skin glinting under the streetlamp, “I’m sorry if I scared you, that wasn’t my intention.”

I chewed on my bottom lip as Yunho looked at me again, our gazes connecting. He was sincere, his eyes were shinning with honesty and an almost innocent like gleam, just like the one I was used to seeing. I hummed wordlessly and looked away, feeling slightly more at ease in his presence. He just sighed quietly and I heard shuffling before I felt the weight of a big hand pressing against the top of my head. I looked up at Yunho wide eyed as he started patting my hair, almost as if he was flicking something out of it. The snowflakes, probably. My cheeks flamed at his action.

“Will you let me drive you home, then?” Yunho asked again, voice softer this time and features relaxed, “I don’t want you walking around late at night and in this weather.”

“Alright,” I gave in, clearing my throat as Yunho suddenly grinned widely, “But you should be worried more about yourself, you’re barely wearing anything.”

It made Yunho chuckle as he headed for the passenger seat’s side and opened the door for me. I muttered a small thank you as I carefully slid inside.

“I’m rarely ever cold.” Yunho said with a cheeky wink before closing the door and jogging around to the driver’s side. I allowed myself a quick check-out of the car, eyes widening when I saw the emblem on the wheel. I was sitting inside a Maserati Levante. Just how did Yunho afford this car? The seats were of black leather and it was definitely heated as I felt my body warm up quickly as the engine has been left on. Yunho grinned as he slid inside and quickly buckled his seatbelt, reminding me to do the same as he put on the blinker, signaling that he would drive off now. The car slowly started rolling, pulling away from the store as I gazed out the window, feeling slightly awkward that I was now enclosed in such a small space with Yunho. I took a quick peek at him and watched him gripping the steering wheel lazily, hair framing his face as tonight it wasn’t as wavy as usually. His eyes were set on the road and he licked his lips before glancing at me, making me quickly look back outside the window, hating the way my cheeks instantly flushed. And as we drove by the bus stop, my eyes widened when I spotted the bus which would’ve taken me home.

“You said the bus went by already!” I exclaimed and turned to look at Yunho slightly offended.

“Oh,” He hummed but by the smugness coating his face I knew he had lied on purpose, “my bad, thought I had seen your bus.”

I scoffed and shook my head, melting into the warm seat as I glared ahead, ignoring the fluttering feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the thought that Yunho only lied because he wanted to drive me home. Perhaps he wasn’t so awful at all times.

            Despite me feeling like Yunho brushed over my outburst that night, he seemed to change a bit. He started gradually approaching me at university and even hung out with me during our shared lunch breaks. He also started stopping by the convenience store whenever he had free time and I soon came to know that he lived just a few blocks away from it. Which was a surprise because I have been assuming he lived in some fancy rich neighborhood due to the car he was driving. Nobody really seemed to question our suddenly blooming friendship, although I felt like we still had a long way to go, and Yunho also stopped being so mysterious. He still didn’t answer all of my questions and often changed the subject when I asked about that first night, so I stopped asking about it after a while. I figured that I might get him to tell me at some point, and if not, I could always start asking around. People loved to gossip and maybe they would know something about this Chan guy who had called Yunho a few times while we were hanging out, but he always declined his calls. Tonight was supposed to be a chill night, but my best friend decided that she has had enough of staying at home every Friday and thus dragged us to a house party not far from our university. It was a half an hour walk away from my flat, so we opted to walk and just grab a cab on our way back. The house was large and packed with people as we made our way inside and I sighed at the sight of so many familiar faces. Almost everyone from our university was here and I realized I was tricked into coming to a party organized for our university specifically. My best friend just giggled as I have her a glare, already hating the fact that I had to stay here for hours and hours as she was in the mood to party. The only savior I found at the moment was alcohol, so the two of us made our way into the kitchen, both grabbing some beer from the fridge. Apparently, my best friend knew the host of the party and got us invited easily.

“I really needed this.” My best friend said as she threw her head back, downing half of her beer in one go. I raised my eyebrows at her as I sipped on mine casually.

“I can see that.” I chuckled and allowed my eyes to wander around the kitchen, taking in the faces. A few people above our grade were gathered around the sink, laughing about something and pointing at something. I wasn’t further interested, so I averted my eyes and noticed two friends of Yunho’s.  They were standing in the corner and laughing about something as the taller one had his phone out. My staring must’ve been insistent as he looked up and we made eye contact, a smile appearing on his lips. He smiled and waved as he called us over. Due to Yunho and I hanging out more often lately, he was quick to introduce me to his friend group. They were a nice bunch but a bit too energetic and happy for my liking. My best friend, however, was totally into their vibe and would beg me to hang out with them. It was fine, I knew she wanted to make some new friends and these guys were nice and…handsome.

“Hi!” Mingi was quick to greet us happily and I smiled at him, waving at Seonghwa as my best friend went and hugged him. The two seemed to click instantly, it was nice to see.

“Was it you who urged Sooyoung to come to this party?” I asked Mingi accusingly and he laughed as he looked down.

“It was actually her who gave us the idea of coming here tonight.” I hummed and threw a knowing look at my best friend as she didn’t bother focusing on Mingi and I, already wrapped up in a conversation with Seonghwa.

“I see, I should’ve known.” I chuckled and Mingi nodded while putting his phone away. It was a little unusual that these two were here without Yunho, but I didn’t question it. I knew he wasn’t a big fan of parties and besides, he didn’t tell me he would be coming. Therefore I didn’t expect to see him here.

“Did you finish your project?” I asked Mingi, remembering him complain about it two days ago. Mingi’s shoulder slumped and he started pouting as he stole my beer swiftly.

“Almost, I have to design the garden and then I’m done.” Mingi was a landscape architecture major and he was always busy with projects, barely out of the house if it wasn’t for Seonghwa and Yunho dragging him to places. He was quite dedicated to his work and it was admirable. Especially when I could barely find any inspiration to do my assignments. Whenever we shared a few of our classes I was amazed by his knowledge and drive to learn even more.

“That’s good, you’ve got this, Mingi.” I gave him an encouraging smile and he chuckled, looking at me knowingly.

“So, did you start your design?” I fake laughed and took a swing of my beer after taking it back from Mingi.

“You know me, I’ll do it two or three days before the deadline.”

“At this point I’m afraid you’ll fail.” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed and I chuckled, shrugging.

“Don’t worry, I function best under pressure.” I saluted him mockingly and Mingi chuckled, soon our attention on Seonghwa as him and Sooyoung approached us.

“I really want to dance,” Seonghwa said, drunkenly gazing at Mingi, “Are you coming?”

Mingi just sighed but stood up, throwing an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders, “Of course, I’m coming. Someone needs to make sure you don’t trip over your own legs.”

Sooyoung and I chuckled as we followed after the two boys despite me not being too fond of the idea. I didn’t feel like dancing tonight, but I didn’t want to leave Sooyoung alone, and besides, I could see it in Mingi’s eyes that he didn’t want to be alone with the two. Whatever was going on between them, which both were denying, was pretty obvious.

The music was loud in the bigger room compared to the kitchen and I looked around, realizing it must’ve been a sort of library hence the bookcases on both sides of the room were filled with books. My heart broke a bit for the books, I could only hope no one was stupid enough to damage them. Otherwise the room was cleared up and there was a table with a mixing console on it, the DJ standing behind it and playing trendy songs everyone seemed to enjoy. The bas thrummed against my chest and I downed my beer in one go before I pushed through the crowd, making way for myself and my friends. Somewhere in the middle we found a good spot and formed a circle starting to dance.

I couldn’t tell how much time passed before I needed to use the restroom, but just as I went to tell Mingi I would be leaving for a few minutes, he leaned in to tell me that he needed some air. And so, after telling Seonghwa and Sooyoung where we were headed, Mingi and I took off hand in hand towards the exit. We agreed on meeting in the kitchen in around ten minutes before heading back to our friends, and so we parted, going on our way. The bathroom was in the far back of the house and I was thankful as the music didn’t reach here, I could finally hear my thoughts. The air was gradually better too compared to the suffocating heath in the library like room. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long to make it inside the bathroom and I was quick in doing my business, washing my hands thoroughly before splashing some cold water on my face, tapping it against my flaming skin. Perhaps I should join Mingi outside for a second before grabbing another drink. I huffed and smoothed down the top of my hair, baby hairs all over the place, before I unlocked the door and left the quiet bathroom. The hallways had no lights but it was fine as the living room was well lit up and it poured out here too. There was a staircase leading upstairs, but it was barricaded off and I knew not to go upstairs even if I wanted to. Just as I went to walk past the staircase, someone collided into my shoulder, knocking me slightly backwards. I gasped in surprise and looked back, surprised to see a slightly familiar face. The guy was younger, and he quickly apologized before a look of recognition crossed his features. Despite it being almost two months ago, I remembered his name. Chan. The guy Yunho threatened with a gun. I gulped and accepted his apology, about to walk off when he spoke up again.

“Don’t I know you?” He asked with narrowed eyes and I cursed silently, facing him again.

“Uh, barely.” I offered with a small smile and Chan hummed, eyebrows furrowing.

“Weren’t you with Yunho once?” So he remembered too, huh.

“Chan, right?” I raised an eyebrow and suddenly the guy was grinning and extending his hand towards me to shake.

“Knew it,” He said with a chuckle as I reluctantly shook his hand, “I don’t know your name though.”

“It’s Y/N.” I introduced myself and Chan smiled, his grip lingering for a second longer than necessary. It unsettled me as I cleared my throat and very obviously made to leave, but Chan seemed like he wanted to talk a little bit more.

“I had no idea you knew Jeonghan.” My eyebrows raised at the name and I thought for a second until I realized he was the host.

“I don’t, my best friend does though.” I explained and Chan hummed, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“Now that I come to think of it,” He took a step forward and I willed myself to not move backwards, “Yunho never mentioned you again after that night.”

Oh, well…that didn’t feel nice to know. I thought we were sort of friends by now, but maybe Yunho needed more time. Our relationship dynamic was still weird and most of times I didn’t know where to put us, so maybe Yunho was feeling the same way. Or maybe there was something dangerous about this guy and Yunho just simply avoided talking about me in his presence. Our encounter that night felt almost fresh in my memories and I willed myself to not think about the gun pointed at this younger guy.

“He must have a reason, then.” I found myself answering with a cold smile, ready to excuse myself finally, “My friend is waiting for me—”

“Just because he doesn’t mention you doesn’t mean we don’t know about you, Y/N.” His sinister smile and cold tone sent a chill down my spine and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Chan, “Do you have a tattoo?”

That was a very random question, one that took me off guard as my eyebrows raised, “Uh, no, I—”

“What a pleasant sight, Lee Chan.” A sharp tone cut me off and I turned my head to see Yunho approaching us in all of his tall glory. His glare was sharp and body stiff as he came to a stop next to me, instantly pressing his warm palm against the small of my back. It made me straighten up slightly as I gazed at Yunho’s profile, surprised to see him here.

“Thought you weren’t coming, Yunho.” Chan said with a chuckle, eyes falling between the two of us and the non-existent space between our bodies as Yunho pressed up against me, his musky cologne invading my senses.

“Maybe you should check on your friend, Chan, he might be unable to walk for a week or two.” The dark smirk which crossed Yunho’s lips made me gulp, and I watched as Chan’s expression fell, suddenly it felt like we were back to that chilly night out on the street.

“You son of a bitch,” Chan hissed and marched up to Yunho, who didn’t even as a little as flinched, “What did you do to Hansol?”

“Nothing he won’t survive.” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at Yunho, who seemed to be unbothered by my piercing gaze. Chan hissed under his breath and with one lasting glare quickly stormed off, grabbing for his phone as he raced towards the front door. I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding just as Yunho faced me, and I took in his attire in surprise. His black long-sleeved blouse was tight and was unclasped down to his chest, blank ink peeking through from underneath on his left pectoral. His outfit was completed by black leather pants and his black hair, which fell messily against his forehead. I was snapped out of my staring the second I felt Yunho caging me in against the railing of the staircase, big palm still pressing against the small of my back, eyes very slowly dragging up from his exposed milky chest to his chocolate warm brown eyes, which were narrowed and carried a hint of frustration.

“What did he want?” His voice was low and it brought a flush to my cheeks as I looked up at him, suddenly all too aware of the lack of space between us.

“Nothing much.” I muttered with a shrug, but Yunho didn’t seem to believe me as he lowered his head, eyes boring into mine. His gaze made my skin crawl and my fingers twitched as I placed my hands behind my back, doing everything in me I could to focus on his eyes and not on his cherry red plush lips, which were too close to my face all of a sudden.

“Don’t lie to me.” His right knuckles grazed against the skin of my cheek and I gulped as something coiled in my stomach. Was I this transparent? He could read me so easily.

“He just asked if I have a tattoo or something.” I answered after a beat of silence and Yunho’s eyebrows slightly furrowed as I dared to peek at his chest again, the ink more visible because of his stance. The collar of his shirt fell lower and I could make out a thick line which went in a circle and the tip of a letter, perhaps A?

“And what did you say?” His forefinger was suddenly underneath my chin as he tipped my head back, pulling my eyes away from his chest. I blushed furiously because of the amusement in Yunho’s eyes and the wide smirk on his lips, I was caught staring. His voice was low and breathy and I bit my lower lip for a second, trying to ignore his proximity and scent as his head seemed to be even closer to mine right now.

“No—nothing,” I exhaled and licked my lips, “you got here when I was answering him.”

“Good girl.” My legs shouldn’t have almost given out at his praise, but my mind wasn’t clear anymore. Yunho’s scent and proximity were intoxicating and I sure as hell wasn’t drunk from one beer, but everything about Yunho made me feel like it. I don’t know when it happened, but I couldn’t pull my eyes off Yunho whenever we were hanging out. And when we were at university, I was just like the others, flocking towards his bright and warm aura, desperate for his attention at times. When it was just the two of us, I yearned for his warmth and dangerous eyes, often breathless when his voice dropped to chastise me for something. When we hung out with our circle of close friends, I wanted his undivided attention on myself only. I had come to realize that Jeong Yunho was insanely good-looking and his mysterious aura was nothing but a little spark which made him even more irresistible.   

“Wanna get out of here?” I heard him asking once I was done daydreaming, “I know you don’t like parties.”

I nodded wordlessly and as Yunho slowly, without breaking eye contact, pulled away I almost chased after him, hands balling up into fists in order to prevent myself of doing something I might regret later. There wasn’t a label to our relationship, but friends certainly didn’t want to fuck each other, therefore I needed to keep myself in check and control my desires.

            After letting our friends know that Yunho and I would be leaving we got our jackets and went up to Yunho’s car. It was slightly dirty, which made me wonder where he had been as he had a habit of keeping his car crystal clean, even just a speck of dust made him wash it. The car ride was quicker than I expected as we flew through the quiet city, lights blurring at the speed Yunho was driving. He wasn’t a reckless driver, but it seemed like he was eager to get home. I couldn’t blame him, there was nothing better than the feeling of finally reaching home after a long and tiring day. I could imagine Yunho’s had been the same after he texted me in the morning that he had some business outside of the city and wouldn’t attend his classes, therefore we wouldn’t meet up. It was a surprise that he even made it to the party. It wasn’t the first time Yunho and I hung out in his apartment, but it was the first time I had come here so late and without a real purpose. Usually we huddled together to study, Yunho’s determination finally rubbing off on me to do to my assignments in time or when our friend group wanted to hang out and have a chill night.

After Yunho and I got settled, he went and grabbed a bottle of red wine, saying he needed it after the day he had. I didn’t complain as I watched him from the couch, body turned around and eyes running all over his frame. The clothes he wore did an amazing job at showing off his forms and I couldn’t help it but linger on his shoulders and waist as he had his back to me, grabbing around his counter while he had the wine in front of him. He popped it open without much struggle and then poured some red wine in two glasses, putting the bottle away. I watched as he turned around and leaned his hips against the counter, crossing one arm over his chest as he grabbed a glass and raised it to his lips, closing his eyes. He took a small sniff of the beverage before taking a long sip, letting out a content sigh. The image shouldn’t have made the hairs on my skin stand, yet all I could do was watch and gulp, mind blank until Yunho’s dark eyes snapped open and he smiled. It was mischievous as he spoke up.

“Won’t you get yours?” He pointed at the second glass and I hummed, wondering whether I should mix beer and wine, but it’s been a few hours since I last had beer. Besides, I was feeling fine. It shouldn’t do any damage. So, I pushed off the couch and approached him carefully, feeling fidgety under his sharp gaze. His eyes followed my every step as I stopped next to him and grabbed the glass, copying him. I sniffed it before I took a careful sip of it, the sweet taste exploding in my mouth. I hummed and took a bigger sip, appreciative of its taste. Yunho was smiling as he sipped his, and we remained standing like that as I tried to find anything to look at which wasn’t Yunho. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was getting too much and I felt like I needed to break it, so I spoke up, “You never told me you had a tattoo.”

Yunho eyebrows slightly raised, almost surprised that I knew, until he glanced down at himself and chuckled, “Ah, I forgot this blouse was low cut.”

“It’s not low cut,” I snickered, “You’re just wearing it like that.”

“Are you saying I should button up?” He asked with a playful smirk and I just smiled while shrugging. If he did that perhaps I would stop staring, but I wasn’t about to say that to him.

“So…does it mean anything?” I asked nonchalantly, having now an excuse to look at his exposed chest as Yunho glanced down too. He remained silent as he looked up, eyes searching my face for a few seconds before he lowered his glass on the counter.

“Not one you’re expecting to hear.” He said lowly and I raised an eyebrow as he suddenly stepped closer, looking down at me with a serious expression and darkening eyes, “Do you want to know?”

I gulped and busied myself with the glass I had in my hand as I looked down at it, pursing my lips in thought. I was trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart but Yunho took away my only distraction as he took the glass from my hands and placed it on the counter next to his, now I was forced to look at him.

“I guess.” I muttered, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake of my voice. His scent was once again all around me and it was hard to focus on anything he was saying.

“But if I tell you…” He took a step forward, making me step back and collide into the counter, “and you tell anyone…”

My body tensed as he reached forward and pressed his thumb against my lower lip, eyes focused on my lips, “I will have to kill you, angel.”

I gulped as I shuddered, and Yunho lightly dragged my lower lip down, licking his lips as we looked at each other. His gaze was challenging and dark, lips about to break into a sneer as I was scared but intrigued, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“How can I know for sure?” Was he testing me? His voice dropped to an almost whisper and he cocked his head to the side, eyebrows raised almost mockingly, “You have a vengeful personality, who knows what you’ll blabber on about if I happen to hurt you.”

“Don’t hurt me then.” I snapped and Yunho chuckled, but there was nothing amusing about it.

“Are you reckless or simply dumb?” He was taunting me and I didn’t like it. I grabbed his wrist and glared at him, pulling his hand back and thumb off my lips.

“That’s some nerve coming from someone who was everywhere I went and knows everything about me without actually knowing me.” Yunho’s lips pulled up into an amused grin at the way I snapped at him, nose scrunched in annoyance.

“I’m in a gang,” He stepped impossibly close and placed both hands on the counter on both sides of body, “A very dangerous gang, the tattoo is to signify where I belong to.”

I gulped, slightly thrown off. I was expecting many reasons to answer the enigma around Yunho, but I didn’t exactly envision him being involved into gang activities or the mafia, even. Was he just simply not saying? Wouldn’t be the first time he lied to me.

“Why did Chan ask if I have a tattoo?” My voice was hard and I tried not to shake when I felt Yunho’s large hands gripping my waist. His hold was firm, like he was afraid I would run away.

“Because,” Yunho licked his lips as he lowered his head so I didn’t have to crane my neck up so high, “if you’re mine you have to get the tattoo as well.”

“But I’m not yours.” I quickly said as I tried to process everything and ignore the way Yunho’s grip tightened around my hips and jaw clenched, “And I don’t want to have a tattoo.”

“Then you won’t have one,” Yunho’s tongue peeked out as he liked his lips swiftly, his eyes glued onto my lips, “But you are mine, Y/N.”

Before I could ask him since when, Yunho closed the gap between us and pressed his plush lips against mine. I didn’t mean to flinch, but it was unexpected and rough as his hands on my waist pushed me up onto the counter, easing the height difference a little between us. I kissed back when I felt him about to pull back, probably thrown off by my lack of response, and Yunho was quick to smash his lips against mine with a fever, setting a hasty and messy rhythm as my head was tilted back and arms circled around his shoulders. It was everything I have envisioned and yet nothing like it. His lips were plush and warm yet rough and relentless as he bit at my lower lip, almost as if he was trying to inhale the whole of me. His scent was the only thing I could smell around us and my brain was fogged up as Yunho’s lean body pressed into mine, pushing me flushed against himself by placing his hand on my back. My legs parted wider, making more space for Yunho as one of my hands traveled towards his hair, gripping at the black wavy strands firmly. His warmth was overwhelming and it made me breathless as his large hand wrapped around my neck as if he needed something to hold onto. My lungs were screaming for air and I pulled back once it got too much, lightheaded as I leaned forward, teeth attaching against the soft skin of Yunho’s neck. His chest was falling and rising rapidly, just as breathless as I was feeling, the hand from my neck traveling to my nape as I pressed open mouthed kisses against his skin, lips trailing down to his collarbone. Yunho groaned when I bit lightly at it, teasing and licking, before I was pulled back and forcefully met with lips against my own. It didn’t take long for Yunho to push his tongue against my lips, asking for permission. I opened up without hesitation, letting him take the lead as his wet tongue licked against mine, humming, the vibrations traveling through my whole body as I pulled on the smaller strands of his hair. Yunho tasted like the red wine he just had, sweet and so intoxicating that I couldn’t get enough of him. His tongue explored my mouth as my hips bucked against him and I wasn’t surprised to find him just as affected as I was feeling. I could feel him through his leather pants and the friction was much needed against my throbbing core as I grinded against him once again, catching his lower lip between my teeth as he went to pull back. Yunho’s eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them and his cheeks were lightly flushed as he grabbed my nape firmly, jaw clenching and lips plump from the kissing.

“Bedroom, right now.” His voice was raspy and it sent a chill down my spine as I quickly clung onto him, legs firm around his waist as he walked us to his bedroom, large hands holding me up by my ass and allowing me to grind against him as Yunho groaned and nipped at my lower lip until we were standing in his dark bedroom. He carefully lowered me and onto the ground and I was quick to get rid of my jeans and shirt, helping Yunho in undoing the zipper of his leather pants as he had gotten rid of his blouse. I allowed myself to stare unabashedly at his body, taking in his lean but muscular form as he towered over me, stomach well defined and thighs thick. It was a sight worthy for drooling and I snapped out of it when Yunho started walking me backwards, not expecting me to palm him through his boxers. He sucked in a harsh breath and allowed me to feel him up and massage him before I was pushed down onto the bed by my shoulders. I scooted back before he crawled towards me and leaned down to press kisses against my neck and shoulder, tongue flattening against the flush skin of my collarbones before he sucked hard at a patch of skin, making me groan at the sting. His kisses didn’t stop there as he kissed down between my breasts, biting at the skin before he continued, all the way down to my stomach. I was panting and itching to grip onto his hair, but his face was in front of mine in an instant and he kissed me breathless once again. My nails dug into his back as my hands roamed over it, mapping every flaw of his skin, soaking in his warmth. Before I could register it, his fingers were ghosting over my thigh and slowly itching closer to my panties. I groaned into his mouth as he yanked them down, eyes opened as Yunho pulled back just slightly, hot breath hitting my face as one finger slowly slipped inside my wet hole. I gasped at the feeling and Yunho groaned, lips pressing against my cheek as he pushed himself up by one hand near my head. He slowly started thrusting it in and out, making my eyebrows furrow as he dragged the movement out, not waiting long to add another long finger. I grabbed his arm as my toes curled and hips lifted off the soft cover of the bed, trying to meet his lazy thrusts. They weren’t enough and they made my skin burn as my other hand tangled into his hair.

“Please, Yunho,” I whispered out, moan choked back as his thumb pressed against my clit, stomach coiling at the added sensation, “Faster.”

His teeth bit into the skin of my jaw, not hard enough to leave a bruise as he slightly picked up his pace, fingers curling against my walls and making my back arch off the bed as he rubbed harsher and faster against my clit, fingers thrusting in and out. A knot was forming in my stomach as more sound left my lips, sharp exhales and broken moans as Yunho’s fingers reached the spot which made my back arch off the bed, my own hips picking up its pace as I chased for an orgasm.

“Such a good girl,” Yunho rasped in my ear, making me moan as his finger grazed the spot again, “you were so patient for me.”

“Yunho.” Our eyes connected and I pulled his head closer by the hand I had tangled in his hair, “Please—”

“Not yet.” He bit my lower lip as his hand stilled, making me whine as my walls clenched down against his fingers, every nerve in my body burning. I tried to move my hips despite it, but Yunho’s fingers quickly were pulled out from where I needed him most and I watched helplessly as he sat back, the tent in his boxers obvious. He proceeded to pull my panties all the way down before getting rid of his own boxers, pumping himself as his head fell back. I watched with hungry eyes as his size came as no surprise, matching the massivity of his body. He reached over my head, holding a package as he opened it, putting on the condom before he hovered over my body. For a second he didn’t move and my skin tingled in anticipation as I reached my arms around his shoulders, pulling his hot body against mine, whispering in his ear.

“Yunho, just fuck me already.” I didn’t expect him to moan and before I could blink, his tip was at my entrance, slowly pushing in. My mouth opened as I clenched my eyes shut, surprised at the burn as he stretched me out more and more as he slid inside. He was bigger than anyone I was with before and I needed a moment to adjust to his size as Yunho pressed kisses all over my face, biting my earlobe.

“You can’t tell anyone.” He said lowly, and despite our predicament I heard the threat in his words.

“Which part?” I questioned despite knowing what he was talking about, hand trailing down his smooth back.

“The gang part.” Yunho clarified, as if I needed it, lightly thrusting up. I gasped and gripped his sides, walls clenching around him, making him groan.

“I won’t, I won’t, just—” My voice broke off as he did the same again, smirk on his lips, “Move, please, Yunho.”

“As you wish, angel.” He whispered in my ear before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back inside, making me gasp loudly as I didn’t expect it. Yunho’s smirk stayed glued to his lips as he did it again, ripping a loud whine from between my lips, nails digging into his skin as he set an excruciatingly slow rhythm. It did no good but rile me up and make me reach around for anything to hold onto as my body flamed, walls clenching more around him, desperate for more friction. But Yunho seemed to enjoy the desperate state I was in as he chuckled, and suddenly, I felt his big hands bringing mine together, pushed above my head as he pinned my wrists together and pushed them down harshly into the mattress. He suddenly was moving, getting up onto his knees and sitting back as his right hand slipped under my lower back, guiding me up, lower back hovering in the air. Yunho only paused for a small second, eyes connecting with mine before he moved, sharp and clear, pace nothing like the slow one previously. I moaned loudly as he started rocking his hips harshly, pace relentless and dick reaching deeper than before, making my hands ball up into fists as I couldn’t hold onto anything with Yunho pinning them above my head. It didn’t take long for Yunho to get vocal, cursing under his breath as his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip, pace picking up the louder my moans got. I couldn’t focus on anything else but the pleasure building up in my lower abdomen and the electricity coursing through my veins, mind wrapped up in the scent of Yunho, the feel of Yunho…Yunho.

“Yunho.” He was the only thing I could think about and at the desperation in my voice he got rougher, pistoning his hips at an unforgiving pace, making me cry out in pleasure as my hips thrusted up, chasing for an orgasm as I tried to meet Yunho’s frantic thrusts. He finally released my wrists and gripped my hips firmly with both hands as he helped me move against him, my head thrown back at the constant ripples of pleasure as my fingers tangled into the sheets above head and twisted hard, moans of Yunho’s name tumbling through my lips. He was panting loudly and whines left his lips as I could feel him throbbing and I knew he was close like I was.

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.” He moaned out as my walls clenched down hard on his length, toes curling and mind completely fogged up with pleasure. The second his cold thumb started rubbing circles against my clit I saw stars and I came with a high-pitched moan of his name, Yunho’s hips stuttering before he guided my hips, riding out my orgasm just as he muttered a quiet fuck before he came too, groan low and guttural, movements never ceasing until it became too much and I whined, gripping his wrist in an attempt to ask him to stop as I haven’t managed to find my voice yet. Yunho groaned as his hips stuttered and slowly stopped, panting hard as he stared down at me. My eyes took him in before they stuck to the tattoo on his left pectoral. It was big. A big circle going around the letter A and cutting into it at the bottom. I shuddered as he slipped out and got off the bed, leaving my limp body on the bed to recover as my fingers tangled in my hair in an attempt to tame the wild strands. Yunho got rid of the used condom before he stood by the bed, towering over me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he leaned down and tucked the covers away, effortlessly picking me up and slipping me underneath them. He got in next to me and pulled the soft covers over our bodies. I sighed in content at the warmth spreading over my naked body and nuzzled my nose into the pillow which smelled so much like Yunho. I felt him shift behind me before the front of his big body was pressed against my back, a hand coming around my body to hold me. I didn’t expect him to grip my neck firmly and push me back even more into himself as he slightly leaned over me. I was able to look at him from the corner of my eyes and I watched the menacing look on his face and the darkness in his chocolate brown eyes as he leaned close enough to be able to whisper.

“You don’t have to get a tattoo,” Despite his expression, his tone was soft, “but you’re mine and everyone else will know about it. I’ll make sure.”

I gulped as Yunho pressed a chaste kiss against my cheek before his long fingers slipped from my neck, making me realize I had been holding my breath. I released it shakily and felt him settle down behind me once again, nose pushing against my shoulder blade as his arm was firmly planted around my middle.

“Alright, let’s say I’m yours for now.” I found myself saying, but didn’t expect the chuckle from Yunho. I didn’t like being called nicknames nor being claimed like I was an object, but they didn’t sound so bad coming from Yunho’s mouth, they held no menace nor ulterior motives.

I didn’t know what this made us, but I knew I had one or two secrets to keep and that Yunho wasn’t letting me go nowhere from his sight.

⟨Part 2⟩

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[mingigoo]

oh shit, are we in love? || Jongho (m.)

🏀 pairing ⇢ cheerleader! (fem) reader x best friend/basketball player! Jongho

🏀 summary ⇢ you’ve called Jongho your best friend all your life. You were attached at the hip for ages, and even as you take on college together. With no other relationship experience other than with him, when you decide to go after a cute classmate, you look to Jongho for some help. Asking him to practice “things” with you seemed like nothing—that is, until kissing him made you think that you couldn’t kiss anyone else.

🏀 genre/au ⇢ best friends to lovers, college au, smut, fluff

🏀 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ MINORS DNI, unprotected sex, oral sex (male recieving), cum shot, Jongho is a virgin, also is a slut for y/n, drinking, mentions of knee injury, best friends to lovers, college love, cheerleader x basketball player

🏀 word count ⇢ 15.8k (so sorry I just couldnt stop)

🏀 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @daegale @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii @yeoyeoland @pink-hwaberry @wooyoluvrr @maru-matt @pearltinyy @loveuwoo @m3chigo @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 @interweab @skz1-4-3 (if I missed you please lmk!! bold = can’t tag)

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When you were kids, Jongho gave you a ring—a ring made out of straw paper he kept after a trip to get milkshakes after school.

With the paper straw ring, he stuck it on your ring finger. The wrong one, but that didn't matter to him, anyway. He declared to you that he would marry you someday. Someday, whatever that meant to a young kid. With the ring already on your finger, you couldn't exactly decline his proposal, so you just shrugged and told him, “Why not?”

At seventeen, you went to prom together. Not because you liked each other, no. Because it was convenient, it made sense. How could you go with someone else? You wore a beautiful red gown, Jongho matching you with a patterned red tie. You had a great time, went home together, and nearly kissed at your doorstep—you didn't think too much of it. You blamed it on the atmosphere. So did he.

You sat at your desk in your cramped dorm room, your bed pushed up on the left side of the room and a mess of pillows and blankets covering it. 

Suddenly, as you were finally getting to the good part in your book, Jongho barged into your room, dropping his basketball bag onto the floor with a groan. He tossed his slides off, not even meeting your gaze before walking like a zombie towards your messy bed, throwing himself on top.

“Well hello to you too,” you blinked, losing your page in your book. “Get out of my damn bed, you're sweaty as fuck.”

He huffed, crossing his muscular arms across his chest, staring up at the glow stars you put on the ceiling. “Leave me be. My roommate is fucking some chick right now. I just need to lay down.”

“San seems like he gets around a lot,” you scoffed, picking up your book again. You were currently reading a very, very smutty book—although you were supposed to be studying your literature anthology text for the exam you had in the morning. You flipped a page. 

“Oh, he does,” Jongho sniffed. You looked over at him, his cut-off t-shirt revealing a good bit of skin on his side, his sweat gleaming on his body. “I mean, practice just ended. He had to have the damn girl in there even before he got back. It’s ridiculous.”

He sat up now, putting his back against his headboard. He winced a bit as he moved, his hand going to the brace around his knee.

You paused, completely forgetting the smut you were reading. “What is it? Is it hurting again?”

“Just a little, it’s no biggie.” Jongho offered you a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “Don't give me that look, y/n. I hurt it a while ago. It's normal for it to ache occasionally.”

Back in your senior year, he tore his ACL before the season, causing him to never have his final year of basketball. He was a mess, but at least he had you. He got surgery, had physical therapy, but yet, he still has pain to this day.

You met his eyes for a moment, sighing when that gorgeous smile of his poked through his lips. “Fine, fine. Just get outa here when you can. I got some…important things to do alone tonight.”

He furrowed his brows, confused. “What could you possibly…..oh,” he shut his eyes painfully. “Please, I don't want to imagine it.” He scooted back down on the bed and tossed your blanket on top of him. “My eyes, my eyes.”

“Oh, shut up, you pussy.” You set your book down, crossing your legs. “A girl gotta live out her fantasies somehow, alright?”

“La la la,” he repeated, trying his best to ignore the conversation. “I don't wanna hear it.”

You let out a chuckle, stood up from your seat, and tossed yourself onto the bed with him, tackling him as he thrashed from your grip.

“Stop it, stop it,” he groaned, wriggling away from your hands as you tickled him. He giggled, childlike. You giggled right along with him, not even caring about the damn sweat that coated his skin, his clothes. You tangled together under the blanket, and after a good couple minutes of a tickle fight, you grabbed your laptop to watch your favorite TV show.

Jongho stayed under the blankets with you, his leg strewn on top of your body, his head in the crook of your neck as you watched the show together. He let out a few snide comments—earning a slap from you, but he just chuckled and nuzzled closer into you.

And after a few episodes, he fell asleep on you, legs tangled in yours, your arm wrapped around him.

—

“Dude, you wouldn't answer your phone last night,” Wooyoung mumbled as he stuffed a couple of chips into his mouth. “Do you literally have a new bitch every night?”

You and your friends were sitting at a table in the dining hall, munching on some lunch before you had class. Wooyoung, San, and Mingi sat across from you and Jongho, all of them in workout gear—they were going to the gym after lunch.

“Listen, last night wasn't even that good,” San hummed dully, taking a sip of his protein shake. “She was too damn loud—”

“I thought you liked them whiny,” Mingi deadpanned.

San’s eyes narrowed on the giant. “Your point? She was loud, not whiny—there’s a difference.” San looked to Jongho now, a slight smirk on his pretty little lips. “Where’d you go? You could've joined us.”

Jongho waved his hands sporadically. “No, no, I’d rather not, thank you.”

San huffed playfully, eyes dancing to you. They glimmered knowingly. “Ah, you’d rather be in her bed, right?” he nodded his head towards you, earning a harsh glare from Jongho.

“So what if I'm in her bed, it’s not like we do anything.” Jongho’s eyes went frantic, and his fists balled. “We’ve always slept with each other—wait, that came out wrong—”

“What he’s trying to say is that we’ve slept in the same bed since we were little, that nothing is ever gonna happen,” you interjected, crossing your arms across your chest.

San laughed at that. “Ah yeah, that nothing’s gonna happen, gotcha,” he said, taking the last sip of his protein shake. I’m going to the gym if you guys are ready. Jongho, y/n, you coming?”

You shook your head, but stood up with everyone else, anyway. “I have class, but you guys have fun. I’ll walk out with you.”

As you and your friends left the dining hall, the cool, winter air breezed through you, sending chills down your spine. Your winter coat wasn't enough. You shoved your hands into your pockets, walking stiffly next to jongho, who simply—possibly even without thinking, tossed his arm around your shoulder, warming you up instantly. Your friends continued to talk and carry on, and you snuggled up into Jongho’s warm side.

—

Class was a bore. As per usual. The spring semester had just started, and the new classes you had were far from entertaining. Anything to get through school, though.

As you packed up your things, a phone fell from the seat in front of you, landing right by your feet. You picked it up, but when the person was no longer sitting there, you quickly tossed your bag over your shoulder to follow him.

“Hey, excuse me!” you huffed, chasing after the guy—damn, his legs were long. He moved way too fast for you. “Your phone….dude!” you finally reached him, tapping him on the shoulder, only for the most gorgeous man to grace the earth to turn around.

You forced yourself to keep your jaw from falling to the floor as you met his dark eyes. His hair was even darker, his lips a soft pink, curling up slightly. 

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, holding up the phone. “But you dropped this.”

The pretty guy blinked, smirking. The classroom emptied as you stood staring at each other, oblivious to the professor giving you a side-eye as he left.

“I don't think that’s mine,” he said blandly, but his eyes glimmered mischievously. He looked a bit older—definitely older than you, at least.

You furrowed your brows, looking at the phone in your hands. “I could've sworn you were the one sitting in front of me,” you wondered, confused. You pushed it forward into his chest. “Just take it I don't have time to find the owner if it's not yours.”

He smiled down at you, his thick eyebrows raising. “I won't take it.”

“Why the hell not?” your patience was running thin—you had to get the cheer practice. This stupidly pretty guy was not allowed to make you late. You were not running laps. Not today. 

You were about to just shove it into his pockets until his mouth opened. “Not without your number.”

You frowned. “Is that….is that supposed to be a pickup line?”

He shrugged. “If you want it to be, then yes.”

God, the smile this damn boy had. You were gonna crumble under his gaze like some schoolgirl, but you kept your cool.

His eyes were so bright, so clear. He was tall, much taller than you, much older. You watched as he looked around, away from you. “If not, then I’ll just take the phone back—”

“No, no,” you laughed awkwardly, looking at the phone in your hands. “You just…you’ll just need to unlock it.”

He smiled gorgeously. “I can do that.”

He took the phone, typed in a few numbers, and gave it right back to you. “What’s your name?” 

“y/n,” you hummed, forcing your blush away. This was the first time you had been asked for your number, the first time a guy other than Jongho or your friends had looked at you. “You?”

“Seonghwa,” the pretty boy smiled, a name now to the face. You couldn't help but grin at his expression—and the utter insanity that just happened. It was totally random; a pretty guy asking for your number? That’s never happened in all your years. Never. 

“If I ask to buy you a coffee,” he started as you fumbled on your phone number. “Would you say yes?”

“Depends,” you shrugged, unable to look up at him. “If you get me food, too.”

“Deal.” Goddamn, that smile, those teeth. “Tomorrow, after class? Before class?”

You bit your lip, handing the phone back to him. “Before, I have practice after class.” actually, you had practice like, right now. You probably looked crazy, eyes wide as you realized where you needed to be. “I gotta go—speaking of which—”

Before you could leave, he called for you. “Hey, where should we meet?”

“Outside the library?” you tossed out, hoping he answered hastily. 

He nodded, giving you that smile once again. 

“Perfect.”

—

You were in bed after practice, and Jongho was sitting quietly on your desk chair, slowly taking off his knee brace and hissing. 

“God, this thing sucks,” he groaned, the velcro tearing as he peeled it off. The brace was like a metal cage, going from his thigh to his lower calf, looking like a deathtrap.

“And it stinks,” you mumbled dramatically, staring up at your ceiling, hands folded on your stomach as your mind wandered. You sat up quickly, startling your best friend. 

“What? What is it?” he spat out, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “You just sat up like a goddamn zombie.”

“If, let’s just say, hypothetically,” you wondered, looking out into space. “That I got asked out on a date to a coffee shop, how would I dress?”

Jongho’s eyes widened. “You got asked out? You?” he asked incredulously.

You scoffed, looking over at him with a playful sneer. “Is that so hard to believe?”

He laughed, finally taking off his brace and setting it on the side of your desk. “Oh yeah—y/n, you’ve never once gone on a date in all of our years of friendship. It's shocking.”

You blinked at him, gripping a pillow from behind you and tossing it at him. Of course, he caught it. 

“I’m just saying—”

“Okay, but for real,” you groaned, shifting to get comfy again. “You’ve been on some dates, how did the girls usually dress for them? Did you ever go on a coffee date—”

“Who’s the guy?” he huffed out, completely ignoring your worries.

You flattened your lips. “Does that matter?”

“Uh, yeah. What if the guy is a scumbag?” Jongho leaned back in the chair, stretching out his arms. 

“He’s definitely not a scumbag,” you sighed, thinking of how dreamy he looked, missing Jongho’s worried expression. “Anyway, you didn't answer my question.”

You couldn't figure out the look on your best friend’s face. He knitted his brows, his eyes raising to yours. “Just dress normally,” he spoke softly. “When’s your date?”

“Tomorrow.” You hopped off your bed and walked towards your closet across from Jongho. He followed you as you moved and hesitated to look as you tore off your top, leaving you standing in your sports bra.

Jongho gulped but rolled his eyes playfully. “Why do you always undress in front of me?” His eyes naturally dropped to your hips as you slid off your sweatpants. “I am a man, too, you know.”

“Pfft, man, my ass,” you turned your back to him as he tried his best not to look. You grabbed a t-shirt—his t-shirt that you kept from a while ago—and tossed it on. You didn't even bother with pants.

Jongho gave you a look as you turned to face him. “My shirt? Really?” He groaned, mouth parted as he looked at you. “Where the hell are your pants?”

“I don't like pants.”

“Then put shorts on—”

“Is it a crime to sleep in my underwear? God, at least I have something on, dammit.” you walked past him and hopped back onto your bed. “I could be completely naked—this is my room, remember?”

Jongho didn't change his expression—he blinked at you while you sat on the bed, bare-legged, the skin up to the top of your thigh visible. He took in a gulp. “I, uh, I got an assignment due at midnight. I’m gonna head back to my room.”

You shrugged and shuffled into bed to get comfy. “Have fun with that, babycakes,” you said, giving him a wink, but he ignored it and left your room without another look.

—

Maybe it was a bad idea to wear jeans on a day like today.

A day when you woke up painfully bloated, bleeding, and aching from your period. Out of all the days, you had to get it today. 

You stood outside the library, your back against the red brick building. You wore a cute pink top with the flared jeans you were struggling with, and you added a cute little bow to hold your hair back.

You saw Seonghwa walk up to you. His lower half was also dawned in wonderfully-fitting jeans. They hugged his thighs, loosening a bit at his knees, and fell over a pair of sparkling clean white sneakers that looked like they were worth more than your car. 

The white shirt was also slim against his lean frame. You held back any reaction you had like a damn cat in heat. “Hey,” he started as he neared. “Ready to go? We can go to the coffee shop on campus since we have class coming up.”

You nodded, hoping to god the smile on your face was not grimace-like. 

“Yep, let’s go.”

You sat with your hands in your lap, fiddling with your fingers anxiously as Seonghwa waited for your drinks. You looked over at him, watching his figure lean against the closest wall, how his long, long legs looked in those damn pants, how his fingers tapped against his arm as he waited. You barely knew him, nothing much other than knowing his name and now his coffee order, and you wondered what it would be like to get to know him. 

When he sat down in front of you, he handed you your coffee, a bright, blinding smile on his face. “I pegged you as the type to like ridiculously flavored seasonal drinks….” he paused, smirking, as you froze mid-sip on your….seasonal drink. Highly, highly sugary seasonal drink. “Guess I’m a good judge of character.”

You swallowed the party of sugar and cinnamon before giving him a shy smile. “I’m a sucker for them, to be honest.”

You sat quietly for a good while, sipping on your drink, him sipping on his. The feeling was…nice. However, you were a bit anxious as he looked at you, at your lips, as you drank from the straw. 

“You’re a cheerleader for the basketball team, right?” He tilted his head slightly, looking at you. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere—besides class, I mean.”

You nodded. “Yep, I cheer for the basketball team,” you took another sip of your drink. “Do you play? I think I would've seen you before, though.”

“Actually,” he started, offering you a kind smile. “I just transferred in from another university. I start official practice today, but I’ve been to many games already.”

Oh, so he’d seen you and known that you were on the cheer squad even before he approached you?

Cute. 

“Oh, wow,” you smiled, leaning closer without realizing it. “So, will you be playing in the next game, then?”

“Yes,” he looked ecstatic, like he can't wait. “We’ll see how much playing time I actually get, though. Those guys are very good—”

“Oh, I know!” you didn't mean to interrupt him, but you would take any chance to brag about your Jongho. “My best friend is the point guard.”

“You know Jongho?” Seonghwa smiled, but it looked a bit weary. “He’s a great guy.”

“He really is.” you took a large sip of your coffee, meeting Seonghwa’s gaze as you did it. His gaze fluttered to your lips once more, and he licked his own. 

He tapped against the wooden table. “Would you….want to do this again?”

You raised your brows. “This? You mean, getting coffee?”

“Not exactly,” he blinked, letting out a little chuckle. “Anything, just…we can hang out more, if you're down with that.”

Your heart fluttered a bit. “Ah, yeah, I would like that.”

He smiled. “Good,” he looked at the clock on the wall near your seat. “We gotta get to class.”

“Class, yeah, that’s right,” you were lost in his gaze, not even realizing how captivating his entire being was. You followed him out of the coffee shop, walking next to each other, until you got to the classroom.

He took the seat next to you this time, and you were beginning to suffocate from the feeling of his body being so close.

—

“I think I’m doomed.”

Jongho, like always, is in your room when you come back from practice. He sat up from his lazy position on your bed, eyebrows raised.

“Why’s that?”

You huffed, tossing your cheer bag onto the floor next to your desk. “What if he kisses me? I’ve never kissed anyone, fuck, I bet I’ll look like a fish trying to gulp fucking water—”

“God, you’ve been here for not even a minute, and you're blabbing on like a maniac already.” He blinked, his face deadpanned as he looked at you. “Why are you so concerned? Did the date go well?”

You groaned dramatically, tossing off your sneakers, and balancing yourself on the back of your desk chair. “He asked me for another date, but I know damn well what that means, and I can't let him find out that I am a twenty-something-year-old virgin that’s only ever kissed books and my mother.”

Jongho looked like he was about to burst out laughing at your desperate words, biting the inside of his cheek. He managed to squeak out, “Oh, I think you’re a lost cause,” he giggled. Giggled.

“This is not funny. You're no help,” you groaned, tossing your head back as you walked to your closet—when a perfect idea came to you. 

“Wait a damn minute–”

“What is it now?” Jongho sat up on your bed, legs dangling off the side.

You turned around sharply, facing him, eyes wide with mischief. His eyes widened at your expression.

“Lend me your lips,” you said, walking up to him, but he leaned back in confusion, his arms holding himself behind him.

“What?” He scoffed, unable to meet your gaze. “The hell do you mean?”

You leaned over him on the bed, him unable to lean any further back without falling. You held yourself up on both sides of him. “Oh, come on. Just once. You can help me learn how to kiss. Who else could?”

He furrowed his brows. “You’re crazy.”

“I know,” you shrugged. “But I’d rather die than embarrass myself.”

“You do know,” He started, letting out a sigh. “That friends don't kiss each other? Or did you miss that memo?”

“I swear it won't mean anything,” you pleaded, knowing you were acting crazy, immature, whatever. 

Jongho huffed, leaning forward, but grabbing your shoulders to move you away. “Listen,” he sighed, meeting your eyes. “Why don't you go ask San or Mingi?”

“Because San scares me,” you shrugged. “He’d probably eat me. And Mingi is….Mingi….”

“What does that even mean—”

“For fuck’s sake, Jongie,” you grabbed his shoulders. “Is this asking too much? We’ve been best friends for so long. How would something so trivial as a kiss mess with it?”

Jongho looked like he had something to say—a lot to say, actually. But he stayed quiet, sighing, as he looked up at you from his seated position on the bed.  

“Okay, but if I have to kiss someone as filthy as you,” he huffed, crossing his arms. “What do I get out of it?”

You hummed. “Hmm. well, what do you want?”

He smiled mischievously. “Do my paper for me. For my lit class.”

“Easy, done,” you leaned forward. “Now gimme your lips—”

“Ah ah ah, slow down,” he scoffed. “You can't just toss yourself into the kiss. You have to lead into it.”

“Got it,” you blinked, looking into his golden brown eyes, noticing how…nice they were. “How do I do that?”

“Well, I bet he’ll try to kiss you first,” Jongho ran a hand through his fluffy brown hair, matching his eyes. You took note of it, too. He stood up, causing you to subconsciously step away from him. You both now stood in the middle of your dorm room, the room dimly lit by your desk lamp, the warm hue coloring the tanned skin of his face.

“Okay,” you nodded, almost freaking yourself out for noticing his details, the slight curve of his lips, the way his hair fell across his forehead. 

Jongho’s calloused hand slowly, hesitantly, moved towards your face. You watched his eyes as his fingertips brushed your skin, watching them scrunch, watching them focus on his movements. “Maybe he’d hold you like this,” he spoke softly, eyes jumping to yours, his hand twitching slightly.

“But what do I do?” you weakly jutted out, biting the corner of your bottom lip. “Do I…touch you—touch him, too?”

He shrugged, swallowing hard. “I mean, you do what comes naturally.”

He was so close. So close. It's not like you’ve never been closer to him, because you have, but something was suffocating. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

Maybe this is just how it’s supposed to feel.

You stared into his eyes, those brown eyes, those….sparkling, pretty eyes. You swallowed as his hand slid down to your chin, tilting it up softly.

There was an unknown emotion dancing in his gaze. You were extremely aware of the spark that was setting off from his touch. 

He leaned in closer, and as he got closer and closer, you felt your heartbeat flutter in your chest. You heard it in your ears, felt your stomach tighten. 

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he said hushedly. You noticed that the tips of his ears were flushed red, and a dusting of the color was across his cheeks. When he pressed his lips to yours, you widened your eyes from the feeling, then shut them to savor it.

His mouth moved across yours, you felt the warmth of his lips, the softness of them. His other hand—the one that wasn't holding onto your chin, rested around your hip, his grip tightening. 

You froze under his lips, unsure of how to do this. You moved your mouth against his, then, trying to move with his movements. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck, unsure of what to do with them if you didn't do that. You felt a small smile in his kiss.

You pressed your body into him as his lips parted against yours. You felt the soft tickle of his shaky breaths against your skin—you could only imagine what you felt like to him.

He parted from you, only slightly, and took a sharp inhale. You still had your eyes shut tight, lips parted, as you got lost in the feeling. 

You opened them, meeting his gaze, meeting that heart-shattering look he had. His lips were red like his ears, like his cheeks. His eyes were hazy, his hands still on you. You felt your heart crumbling inside you. 

Without another word, you leaned back up to him, awkwardly wrapping your hand around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair. He shut his eyes, and let out a pleasured sound, stirring something, awakening something inside.

You kissed him this time, even knowing that you had no idea what you were doing. You just trusted these instincts you were feeling, the emotions that were overtaking your mind. Your body told you to part your lips against his sweet lips, to savor the slightly salty taste against them. To lean into his body. You couldn't help but allow yourself to touch his waist, gliding your hand down his abs, his stomach, feeling his muscles tighten under your touch. 

He sighed into your mouth, his hands gripping your waist, his fingertips brushing the bare skin under your blouse. His lips felt so good, so soft, so electrifying. This feeling was unlike any other, you were beginning to lose your breath, your senses, your mind.

And when you let out a little moan—without intending to, you were shocked back to reality. You pulled away from him quickly, moving your hands to your sides, trying to catch your breath. Jongho was also huffing, begging for oxygen, as he stood in front of you. His lips were bright red now; his eyes were wide.

“Ah, um,” you cleared your throat, forcing out a laugh. “So, did I do a good job?”

Jongho blinked, still looking out of it. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah.” He swallowed, nodded, and crossed his arms across his chest. “Mhm. For your first kiss, you did good.” 

Good? Good? God, that felt euphoric. Like you were drugged, high, out in space. You still couldn't get your heartbeat to slow. “Great.” That was all you managed to squeak out, now that you were suddenly aware of the ability to just kiss him again. You realized that the air was odd now, that something felt different. 

“You tasted like sweat,” you playfully added, letting out an awkward laugh as you gave him a shoulder punch. “Maybe I should've kissed San or Mingi instead.”

“I am a great kisser, I’ll have you know—” Jongho boasted, but you interrupted him. 

“Pfft,” you waved a hand as if you weren't just about to hyperventilate from his kiss, his touch. “You sucked, you’re a horrible teacher—”

“Oh?” he huffed, gripping your arms just below your elbows. “I’ll kiss you again, I’ll prove it, I’ll do you one better—”

“Fine! More practice for me, anyway.”

Jongho let out a grumble of incoherent words before grabbing you by the back of the neck and pressing his mouth to yours once more, his lips gliding against yours. 

You grabbed the fabric of his shirt, tightening your grip as he pushed his tongue through your lips, into your mouth. You let out a sigh as he did it, his fingertips gripping your hair on the back of your head.

After a long few minutes of eating each other, He pulled away this time. He let go of you, his hands falling at his sides. “There,” he breathed. “Now you know how to handle a kiss like that. You know, just in case.”

You licked your bottom lip, sparks still flying around your body. You tasted him still, the saltiness of his sweat. You smelled the woodsy cologne he used, the minty taste of gum. 

“Thanks,” you smiled, trying your best not to let these thoughts of him overtake you. “For helping me with this. You’re such a good best friend.”

“Ah, yeah,” he sniffed, forcing a smile. “I should, uh. I should go, I have something to submit before midnight, so,” He gulped, taking a step away from you. “But happy to help, of course. Now you owe me my paper.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” you scoffed, smiling playfully as he walked to the door to put on his shoes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” he called out as he opened the door, leaving after you offered him a wave goodbye.

And once the door shut, you nearly lost your breath, falling onto your bed.

“Oh god,” you breathed, putting a hand to your mouth. “What was that? I—ugh!” you groaned, thrashing your legs around. “Why the fuck was he so hot? Get a grip, get a grip.” you ran your hands aggressively through your hair and gripping it. “Fuck I think my brain lost too much oxygen.”

You couldn't sleep one bit—not at all. Every time you closed your eyes, all you saw was Jongho, and all you felt was him.

—

A few days pass and you barely see your best friend.

It's not that he’s ignoring you or vice versa; it's that he had an away game a good distance away and was off campus for a good few days. 

While he was gone, you wondered if he was thinking the same way you were, if he felt something, too, or if it was just normal to have feelings during a kiss. 

Irritated by your stupid mind, you were unsure about the feeling in your chest when you saw Jongho in the library; his baseball hat flipped backwards over his soft brown hair.

You would look odd if you ran away, right? Right.

You strutted over to where he was sitting. He always loved the window seats, mainly to people watch. You sat down in the seat across from him.

“When’d you get back?”

He lifted his eyes to yours. “Last night,” he grumbled, flipping a page in the book in front of him.

“What are you reading?” you leaned forward on your elbows.

He reacted much worse than you thought, flying backward into his chair, a terrified look on his face. 

“Yo, I’m not gonna bite you, Jeez,” you raised a brow, moving your gaze to the book. “Oh, ew, anatomy. No thanks.”

He scoffed, picking off an invisible—or maybe an extremely small—piece of lint from his black hoodie. He didn't say anything in response, he just continued what he was doing.

“So,” you tried to continue the conversation with him without it turning to mush. “I’m gonna be going to Seonghwa’s frat tonight. There's a party or something.”

He looked at you with shock. “You’re going to a party?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” you rolled your eyes, leaning back to cross your arms around your chest. Jongho’s vision dipped to the movement.

“Well, given that you hate crowded places,” he trailed off, not really having another excuse. “I just can't see you going to—”

“y/n?” a voice softly murmured from your left, and both you and Jongho turned to see Seonghwa walking up to your table, a bag slung across his broad shoulder. His hair was pulled up in a half up half down do, little black strands framing his unfathomable face.

Jongho, in the corner of your eye, looked away from the tall basketball player, opting for the view outside the library.

“Seonghwa?” you smiled, uncrossing your arms to look less like a grumpy bitch. “What’s up?”

You didn't even look to see the irritation on Jongho’s face.

“I was coming in to study but then I saw you in the corner of my eye,” he smiled, beamed, really, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. He then nodded to Jongho, offering him a smile, too. “Hey, Jongho.”

Your best friend managed to give him a smile back, although you knew his face all too well—that was a damn grimace. “Hey.” 

You looked between the two boys as seonghwa spoke again. “Hey, me and y/n are gonna be at the party tonight. You wanna come? The other guys on the team will be there, too.”

“Well, I can't imagine San missing a function,” Jongho scoffed, cracking his knuckles aggressively. “But I guess I’ll come, too.”

You nearly dropped your jaw onto the floor.

“Really?” you interjected, shocked. “I can't imagine you going to a party—”

“Anyway,” Jongho cleared his throat, ignoring you. “What time?”

Seonghwa furrowed his brows as he tried to recall. “Uh, I think ten? It goes till two, no later,” He looked to you then. “Do you wanna go for some lunch?”

You blushed. Jongho huffed. “Oh, yes. That would be nice,” you smiled, to which Jongho rolled his eyes in response. You stood up from your seat and offered your best friend a playful wink. “See you tonight, jongie.”

When you walked away, seonghwa slugged an arm around your shoulder on the way out. Jongho, still in his seat, tightened his grip on the textbook as he watched you leave.

And then he couldn't even enjoy people-watching when he saw you walk down the sidewalk with that string bean.

—

You didn't hear from jongho the rest of the day, and even when ten o’clock came, he was M.I.A. You shrugged it off, trying too hard to ignore the tug in your chest, the desire to go to his room and kiss him again. 

You made it to the frat house that sat on the end of the Greek life strip in town. It was a tall, skinny building that looked way too nice to be lived in by a bunch of boys. You made sure to wear your filthy Converse, knowing damn well whether booze, puke, or a plethora of other fluids would end up all over them. Despite not going to many parties in your lifetime, you still had common sense. 

You walked into the house, getting bombarded with tons of odd smells, some good and some bad. The interior was dark, lit with random colored lights that danced all over the walls, the people. 

Loud, ungodly music blared through oddly positioned speakers in the wall, and there was a sea of people talking and carrying on. You weren't sure how the fuck they could hear each other over the awful music.

You walked further into the house, making a B-line to where you assumed the alcohol was. There was a bunch of beer cans, and you grabbed one with ease, cracking it open and chugging it like a champ. However, the beer sucked ass, leaving an awful taste in your mouth. You must've made a face.

“Icky?” Seonghwa’s smooth voice envelopes you with comfort. 

You turn to him, offering him a sincere smile. He looked great, as always, with his hair growing even longer. “Very, but if it gets me drunk, I’ll handle it.”

“So brave,” he chuckled, standing closer to you by the second. Your mind wanders to the thought of him touching you. Would it feel as good as it did with Jongho? Would his hands be gentle? Would his lips taste as sweet? 

His hand on the small of your back interrupted your thoughts.

You needed to be drunk. Quick, so you can handle these stupid ideas.

“It’s good to see you here,” he starts, but you can't help but look at his lips. You weren't thinking about them—no, rather, you were thinking of Jongho’s. Would Seonghwa feel the same?

You took another sip of your drink to get the last drop before grabbing another. “Do they have something else? This shit sucks.”

Seonghwa looked at you for a long moment before nodding in a direction. “There’s vodka in the cabinet if you want it?”

You let out a sigh of relief, but still, you kept drinking the shitty beer. “Yes, god, yes.”

After you got ahold of the vodka, you regretted your choice against the beer.

You must've blacked out for a bit—you don't remember how you got in the living room, how you got onto Seonghwa’s lap, how his lips were on your neck. You delightfully craned your neck to feel it better, to feel his hot breaths, his hands on your waist. However, when you opened your eyes, you realized that you were imagining someone else under you.

You pulled away from him, but you didn't get off him. You looked into his eyes, seeing the desire drip from them. You were too messed up—blame that on your shitty tolerance, to care what you were doing right now. “Can I try something?” you fluttered your eyelashes, not meaning it in a sultry way, but it came out that way.

“Of course,” Seonghwa mused, a little smile prickling at his lips.

Lips that you wanted to kiss—not because you needed to, but because you needed to see something, feel something—have something to compare to that ethereal experience you had with your best friend.

And at his approval, you leaned forward, doing everything that you were taught, and pressed your lips to Seonghwa’s. He responded well, gripping the back of your head as he kissed you back, and you slid your tongue in his mouth, half expecting to feel something, anything.

But there you were, imagining Jongho, his smell, his taste, the way he cautiously touched you and held you. Nothing can compare, not even this.

You pulled away from him, eyebrows raised, mouth agape. He looked confused at your reaction but put on a sloppy smile. “Everything okay?”

You were going to say no. you were going to cry out and say that you were going to die because you kept thinking about Jongho. You couldn't even kiss a hot guy, a guy you wanted to date, without thinking how much better it felt with Jongho. Everything felt better with him. It was comfortable, unnerving, exciting, all at the same time.

You smiled, but with how drunk you were, you could assume that it looked like a grimace. “I uh, yeah, I just gotta….go do something—-bye,” you huffed out, offering him a little, awkward wave, before you ran out of the spinning room.

You ended up on the back porch, not sure how you got there, but the world was spinning. Your chest was aching. You needed air, anything, you needed to breathe.

The cool air hit you just right, enveloping your lungs, helping you breathe. Your skin was hot, flaming underneath your clothes, and you were sure your cheeks were bright red. After noticing a couple making out in the corner, you grimaced and ran back into the house.

God, what a shitshow.

You avoided seonghwa narrowly, making your way up the creaky, thin staircase to get your own space. You opened the first door you got to, tossed yourself in, and slammed your back against the door with a sigh of relief.

That relief didn't last long.

“y/n, what the hell?” Jongho nearly screeched, turning his body slightly as he stood over the toilet, zipping up his pants in a frenzy. “The fuck? Don't you know how to knock?”

You didn't say anything. You just took a deep breath, your gaze falling over him.

“y/n?” He repeated, standing a bit awkwardly on the other side of the room, leaning over to flush the toilet. He looked a bit rough around the edges as he washed his hands quickly, looking over at you as he dried them. He walked up to you now, hesitantly, unsure about your expression.

You fiddled with your fingers as the world slowed around you.

“Are you gonna talk?” He scoffed playfully, his eyes raking your body, forcing themselves up to your face. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you swallowed, shaking your head, the door behind you the only thing holding you up.

He gave you a concerned look, running a damp hand through his silky hair, and you couldn't help but think about how wonderful it would be to rake your hands through it, too. “No, that you're not okay, or no, that you’re not gonna talk?

You blinked. “....yes.”

He sighed. His eyes looked hazy, not quite to the extent yours probably looked, but still, he was not in his right mind, either. You took a shaky breath, watching those brown irises fall to your lips, to your chest. 

You clench your fingers together, your body, dying to do something your heart would regret. You swallowed hard, sighing.

“Aren’t you acting like this because you have something to say?” He asked, his words dripping like honey from his lips.

You shook your head. “No.”

He looked like he was fighting a smile. “I think you are.”

“No, I’m not–I’m not acting like this because I have something to say.” Your mind was already screaming at you, begging you not to do anything. Begging you not to say anything. “Because I want to do something.”

The air was stuffy. The bathroom was filthy, the window was cracked open, blowing in a slight breeze, gently running up your arms, sending chills down your spine. 

Jongho tilted his head. “To do what?”

The vodka in your basically vodka-virgin body was bubbling under your skin, infiltrating your mind, your blood. It was taking control over your every move, every idea, everything. So when he asked you that, when he looked like the most beautiful person in the world as he spoke, with his pretty ass hair and his lips and his flushed cheeks, you knew what you wanted to do.

“To kiss you,” you didn't stutter. You stayed put against the door despite your words. “I just wanna do it again. Every time I look at you, I want to do it.”

Jongho’s eyes widened, but he didn't run away like you thought he would. He just stood there, breathlessly, his hands at his sides and his mouth parted. It’s like he wanted to do it too, with the way his fingers twitched as you spoke, with the way his lips almost curled up completely. 

You pushed off the door, taking a step towards him. When he didn't back away, you took another step. You were so close to him that you were able to feel the soft, hot breaths he was letting out against your skin. His breath smelled like that disgusting beer, but it didn't matter at all—actually, you wanted to taste it on his lips, on his tongue.

You reached out a hand, the room spinning around you. Your fingertips met his cheek, his hot skin. You felt a surge of electricity run through your body as you touched him, as you looked into his eyes. His gaze was unlike anything else you have ever seen. His eyes were zeroed in on you, shutting slowly as you rubbed your hand against his skin. He let out a soft breath, a content sigh, and his eyes were on yours again.

He took in a breath, eyes on your lips. You were too drunk to think about how the look on his face made no sense—friends shouldn't look at each other the way he was looking at you.

You leaned forward, and when he didn't flinch away, when he actually leaned forward as well, you smiled to yourself, and pressed your lips to his.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his body to yours. His hips knocked into yours, his mouth parting, swallowing you whole. He shoved you against the sink, the countertop stabbing the small of your back, but you felt absolutely no pain. You arched your body into his, as if it were instinct, and his hands ravaged your bare skin. He was desperate, trying to catch his breath as best he could while he kissed you. 

Your hands found the nape of his neck, fingers tightening in his brown hair. He let out a little moan into your mouth, his hands caging you in against the sink. Accidentally, his forehead bumped yours, causing you to bite his lip. 

You pulled away, but just for a moment, smiling at him, at the redness of his lips from your gloss and your bite. He looked breathtaking in front of you, so human, so perfect. So you leaned in to kiss him again, nose knocking into his, but it didn't matter if you were sloppy. It just mattered that he was the one you were kissing. 

“y/n,” he breathed against your lips, his hands now on your hips, one curving around your ass. “We shouldn't be doing this—”

“Shh,” you hissed, slapping his shoulder, keeping your lips against his. “I don't care right now.”

You deepened the kiss, and as he pressed up against you, you felt something hard press into you; you felt a deep rumble from him into your mouth. The pool between your thighs.

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom opened. Mingi stood there, his jaw down to the floor, as he took in the scene in front of him. Jongho must not have heard the door, as his hands were still clawing at you like a goddamn animal, his lips on your neck now. You quickly gripped Jongho’s shoulders and pushed him away.

“What? You just said—” He took notice of where you were looking, turning his head to see Mingi’s shocked expression. “Oh.”

“Oh, dear god!” Mingi looked like he couldn't hide the smile peeking through his lips. “I knew it!”

Jongho took a whole century taking his hands off you, finally stepping away, leaving you cold, empty. “It’s not what you think—”

Mingi threw his hands up in the air, smirking. “Ay, I didn't see anything. Carry on.”

With one last look, Mingi shut the door, leaving you alone with Jongho. The feeling in the room was completely different from a moment ago.

“I….” he started, then sighed, unable to look at you. “I gotta go.”

“Jongho—” You went to move toward him, but he left the bathroom as quickly as he could, stumbling into the doorframe, and out of sight. You were left to your own devices, standing in the middle of the bathroom, hair a mess, lips bright and painful, and a mark on your neck from your best friend.

If you could call him that…

—

It’s as if he disappeared.

You haven't seen Jongho in days. You were even too nervous to go to his room this time, not knowing how to approach him after kissing him like that. After you felt the hardness of his cock against your stomach. The wetness between your thighs. Something you have never felt before.

After a few, empty, lonely nights in your room, you took the initiative to go find him at the late hour of midnight—To ask if he feels this intense craving for you just like you do for him. But when you arrived at his dorm, San told you he wasn't there.

“He’s been super sick. I thought he was with you,” He shrugged, confused.

“He’s sick?” your eyes widened. 

San nodded, messy hair from sleep. “Sorry, maybe he’s with Mingi?”

After your encounter with San, you made your way to Mingi’s dorm. But, once again, Jongho was nowhere to be found.

So you went to the only place you thought to look.

And there he was, under the bright lights, taking a shot at the three-point line on the courts near the rec center. He missed the shot and stood there a moment before going to grab his rebound.

But the ball rolled to where you were, as if it meant to. Jongho stood still as you grabbed the ball.

He stayed silent. You weren't sure whether to move closer or just pass him the ball back.

“Are you going to give me it?” He spoke blandly, sweat dripping down his forehead despite the cold air surrounding him.

You sighed, putting the ball under your arm. “Jongho, it’s cold out here.”

He sniffed, his nose red. He didn't look at you. “Just give me the ball, dammit.”

You blinked, watching the cold air show as you exhaled. “Why are you ignoring me?”

He rolled his eyes, taking in a breath. “Dammit, y/n—”

“You’re doing it on purpose,” you began to dribble the ball—very sloppily, but it didn't matter. You dribbled past him towards the hoop, tossing the ball up, watching it go through the net. “Ignoring me, I mean.”

“No, I’m not,” he huffed, moving to grab the ball from your shot. He made his way back up to the top of the key, away from you.

“Yes, you are.” you walked up to him, putting your hand out so he couldn't shoot. “Just be honest!”

With a huff of cold air, jongho tossed the ball away, an aggravated look on his face. “For fuck’s sake, y/n, Yes. I’m annoyed.”

You blinked, standing only a few feet away from him. “Why?” you asked, probably stupidly, given the irritated look on his face.

He sighed, tightening his hands into fists. “...Because….because I’m a man, too, you know.” he started, running his hands through his hair aggressively, clenching his jaw. “ You change in front of me, kiss me, do everything that causes my brain to spin. I’m sick of acting like I'm okay with it.”

You stood there, frozen. The air felt even colder as winter wrapped its arms around your bare skin.

“Does that mean you didn't like it?” you wondered out loud, possibly too immature, too inexperienced. You had no idea what you were feeling, why you felt this way. All you knew is that you wanted to spend every moment with him, to kiss him, to lay in bed with him. Things you did normally, but things felt different. 

“Didn't like what?” He asked, his eyes wide.

“The kiss,” you looked into his eyes. “The kisses.”

Jongho stood tensely, unsure of what to do. You watched his eyes flicker up to the sky as little flurries fell, catching themselves in his hair.

“y/n,” he took a sharp breath in. “don't you get it? I can't kiss you. You can't kiss me. You can't….touch me like that, change in front of me, and not expect me to get flustered!” He nearly shouted the last part, and turned to the side away from you, aggravated beyond words.

“I….I’m sorry,” you spoke out, taking a step towards him. “I’m sorry that I feel this way—”

“Feel what?” he scoffed, turning back to you, a pained smirk on his lips. “You should be sorry for making me feel this….for causing me so many headaches, for god sake why the fuck am I out here when it’s fucking snowing, jesus christ you piss me off—”

“Jongho,” you interrupted his freakout, his word vomit. He stared at you with those beautiful eyes of his. “What are you trying to say?” you spoke in a small voice.

His eyes were frantic, going back and forth from eye to eye. “I…. can't do this.”

“Do what?” you felt the flurries dance against your skin, dance as they fell around you.

“I can't act like your friend anymore.” He bit his lip. “You have no idea what you do to me. What you’ve been doing to me.”

You took a step closer, but he backed away.

“I don't understand—”

“Just go,” He pleaded. 

“You do things to me too!” you groaned, finally done with his attitude. “Will you knock it off? You’re not the only one confused here—”

“Oh, I confuse you?” He looked at you like you had two heads. “I’m sorry, I only kissed you because you were trying to get another guy. I kissed you so you could know how to do it, but you want to know something?” He paused, suddenly right up on you, the space gone between you. “I haven't kissed anyone either. I just…you. It’s just been you! I didn't know what I was doing, either!”

“Is that so bad?” you pleaded, your eyes bleeding into his. “Is it so bad that you had to kiss me? Should I apologize for wanting to do it again? That I haven't stopped thinking about you since?” you frantically looked into his eyes. 

“Just…” Jongho sighed, his eyes a bit watery. “Lleave me be.” 

The look on his face was enough. You took a step back, and then another. 

“I won't apologize for my feelings, for whatever this feeling is,” you admitted. “But I am sorry I caused you trouble.” before you left him there, you looked up to him once more, snow falling around you. “Good luck at your game, tomorrow.”

You turned on your heel, not understanding a single thing that just unfolded, that was just said. He made no sense; you made none, either. It was just a bunch of words, unnecessary words, rifting your friendship. But one thing was for certain—you couldn't repair this without a few missing pieces. 

Jongho stood as still as a statue as he watched you walk away.

—

You sat on the bench in your cheerleading uniform, your heart beating a mile a minute as you watched the game unfold in front of you. 

It was approaching halftime. Jongho was sprinting down the sideline, limping slightly as he moved. He passed the ball beautifully to San, who was wide open for the layup. 

You couldn't focus on anything—didn't even cheer when San made the shot. You just sat and stared into space, your eyes following jongho, watching his wince as he backed up down the court. 

“He’s hurt,” you muttered under your breath, stomach tightening. 

Jongho continued playing his heart out, but you knew something was wrong. However, as halftime came, he walked away from the court just fine and into the locker room, not giving you a single passing glance as he walked past you. Seonghwa did, however, but you weren't even paying attention to that.

After a few long moments, the team came back out. You had to cheer, but your heart wasn't in it. Jongho, once again, walked right by you, and when you were about to jump up and ignore everything that was said yesterday to make sure you were okay, the buzzer rang. 

The game went on, the score going back and forth until the last quarter. Jongho stood at mid-court, calling a play, but the guy guarding him was aggressive. He tried to make a move around him, squeaking his sneakers against the hardwood, but it was no use. The defender followed him with ease, sliding his feet in perfect position.

The gym was in hysterics as Jongho pushed for the bucket, taking a side step into a euro step, but suddenly, oh so suddenly, Jongho crashed to the ground in a thud before getting the shot off.

The gym went silent. Jongho hissed in pain, his eyebrows knit tight. The athletic trainer ran out to see him as the game was put on hold with less than a minute to go. You stood up, not even realizing what you were doing. All you could feel was a pain in your chest as you saw him hurt, the intense feeling to take his pain away. You watched in despair as he was lifted off the floor, as he was carried out of the gym.

You swallowed hard, your ears ringing. Your teammates tried to get you focused, as the game was going to continue, but you jumped up and pushed through, making your way to the locker room desperately. 

“Jongho?” you panted, turning the corner to enter the boy's locker room. You sucked in a breath as you see him in pain, lying down on the bench, a few others around him as he nearly cried in pain. 

“Jongho!” you cried out, rushing to his side. His eyes were frantic, wide, a mess. The trainer took off his knee brace slowly as you approached. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

Jongho met your gaze through his watery eyes, every other emotion gone other than…whatever this was. He almost let out a sigh of relief as he saw you. You knelt down next to him, gripping his hand, and he held yours tighter. 

“y/n,” he murmured, sucking in a sharp breath as the trainer surveyed his leg. “Did I…did I do it again? Please tell me I didn't—”

You looked at the man who was assessing his injury. “Did he tear it again?” you panicked, remembering how awful this was for him back then. How traumatizing it was, how horrible it was for him to gain his strength again. You couldn't stand to see him in pain.

“I…I don't know,” the man admitted. “It’s too swollen to tell. You’ll need to get this checked out—”

“Goddammit,” Jongho hissed, shutting his eyes tightly, and swallowing hard. That was when you realized that it might not even be the pain from the injury—no, it was his trauma. The memory of his hard work all down the drain. 

“I’m here,” you breathed, tucking his hair behind his ear and away from his face. “It’ll be okay.”

The buzzer rang, and screams followed. Jongho looked at you, not a care in the world other than that you were there with him, just like before.

“You’ll be alright,” you repeated softly, your heart aching at his pain. “This will be okay.”

—

“From the MRI, it looks like everything is still intact,” the doctor spoke with a tone of arrogance. “You did weaken your surgical graft, however. You’ll need some PT and rest.”

Jongho stared down at his leg, his hand still gripping yours. He breathed a sigh of relief but didn't say anything else. 

“I’ll write up a referral for that, so just hold on a moment.”

You were left in silence in the middle of the emergency room, Jongho sitting up straight on the bed with a big icepack on top of his knee. He was starting right at it, his lips downturned.

You wanted to ease his troubles. To make him feel better. Nothing felt worse than seeing him like this.

You didn't know what to say. You really couldn't say anything. You were so overwhelmed with the pain you felt as you looked at him as if it were your own. You hated his tears that begged to fall and never did.

“Hey,” you mumbled softly, squeezing his hand. It took him a minute to move his gaze to you, and when he did, his eyes spoke a thousand words. “See? It will be okay.”

He sighed, his face contorting as he fought his tears. “I…I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you weren't thinking of anything else other than what was in front of you. You rubbed your thumb against his knuckles, trying to soothe him.

“For how I acted.” He looked down at your hands, how yours was touching his, how his fingers were tight around yours. He didn't want to let go—neither did you. “I was just upset.”

“I know,” you nodded, swallowing. “I was, too.”

He looked into your eyes. “y/n, I…” he paused, the beeping of his heart rate speeding up in the background. “I just don't know why I acted like that I…I guess I got caught up in how I feel about you, and it confused me.”

You blinked. “How do you feel about me?”

He let out an uneasy laugh. “Isn't it obvious?”

You shook your head. “I… don't really know much of anything. Much of these feelings,” you acknowledged, biting your bottom lip anxiously. 

He let out a genuine laugh. “Me too.”

“So, how do you feel?” You tucked a piece of your hair that fell loose from your bow, suddenly aware of how much of a wreck you probably looked like. You were still in your cheer uniform, Jongho in his basketball one, and you were sure you had smeared mascara everywhere. “About me, I mean.”

He took in a sharp breath. “This isn't fair, I’m like, high from pain meds. I don't know what i’m saying.”

You smiled widely, feeling such immense love for the man in front of you.

Oh shit.

Are you….in love?

“All I know is that I haven't stopped thinking about you since I met you,” He chuckled anxiously. “I don't understand why, and it's just increasingly worse after you keep kissing me, it's making my head spin.”

Jongho yawned slightly after his somewhat confession, his eyes fluttering. 

He was so pretty. So, so pretty. You wanted to sleep with him. Next to him, cuddle with him, kiss his face, his eyelids, his cheeks, his everything. You wanted him to do everything to you that you dreamed of.

Oh fuck, you definitely are in love with him.

“Holy fuck—” you paused, staring at him, wide eyed at your realization.

“What?” He furrowed his brows.

You tried to control your overwhelming thoughts. “I just realized something…” you met his gaze, holding onto it tightly. “Are we…are we in love? I mean, I think at least I might be—”

“Holy shit, we might be,” Jongho gulped, a knowing smile curling at his lips. As if he knew this, at least on his end, for much longer than you have. He looked at you, then at his leg, and back at you. “Are you in love with me?”

“I think so?” you questioned, your chest aching. Jongho’s heart began to beat faster and faster, as seen on the monitor next to him. You leaned towards him, blushing as his heart rate jumped over one hundred. 

Jongho let out an anxious laugh. “You sound super confident.”

You would've kissed him right then and there, prove to him that you loved him, if it wasn't for that awful doctor. 

You helped jongho hobble out of the hospital, his leg wrapped in ice and his arms wrapped around you. You were hyper aware of the smell of sweat, the light remnant of his woodsy cologne. You heard his breath hitch as your fingertips curled around his arm as you walked toward the street for a cab.

“God, standing up really messed me up.” he wobbled a bit. “I don't know what they gave me, but fuck, I feel wonderful,” he giggled, nudging his head into the crook of your neck.

There was a mix of comfort and chaos as you got in the cab, his head on your shoulder, his hair a mess. His arm was slung over you, his eyes closed, his lips parted against your collarbone. He felt comforting, yes, but also his damn lips started to move against your skin.

“Jongho,” you breathed, trying to keep quiet as the cab driver carried on. “Stop it—”

“Mmmh,” he groaned into your neck, kissing it again, trailing up towards your jawline. 

“The fuck, did they give you viagra?” you nearly choked as his hand that was around your shoulder fell to your waist, tightening on the curve above your hip. His hand moved lower, past your hip, meeting the curve right before he could reach your—

“Hey,” you whisper yelled, smacking his cheek lightly. 

He opened his eyes, those brown irises sparkling despite the dark car. “Oh, its y/n,” he smiled, meeting your gaze, but you watched it fall to your lips. “You look pretty.”

You scoffed. “You don't know what you're talking about right now—”

“Oh, I do,” he smiled lopsidedly, his hand now coming up to cradle your cheek. “I know what i’m doing.”

You smirked. “I think you’re loopy.”

“Maybe a little,” he shrugged, smiling, his eyes curving into smiles too. “But I know what I want to do.”

You tilted your head, raising your brows. “And what’s that?”

He smiled villianously, teeth barred. “Do you really want to know?”

You held in your laugh, but managed to nod.

He took in a breath, letting it out in an exaggerated sigh. “I want to fuck you so bad,” he huffed, his head falling right back onto your shoulder. “So, so bad. I’ve always wanted to—”

“Jongho,” you blinked. “You’re high from pain meds, you don't know what you're—”

“Oh, but I do know,” he sat up quickly, eyes dazed, hair a mess on top of his head. He reached out a hand, tucking your hair behind your ears with a boyish smile. He focused on your face, on your eyes, your lips. His expression changed, his smile falling. “I wanted to tell you about how I feel about you.”

You bit your lip. “You did.” 

He waved a hand, flopping it around. “Nah, I didn't.”

“Yes, don't you remember?” you scoffed playfully. “We just had this whole talk like twenty minutes ago—”

“Aye, stop it, I had something to say but now I forgot!” he groaned, tossing his head back against the headrest. He then turned his head to your direction. “Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?”

“You just did,” you smiled.

“Oh, that’s right.” he swallowed, looking at your lips. “Did I ever tell you that I want to kiss you? Like, all the time?”

You shook your head, giving up on the fight against his high ass. 

“Well, I just want to kiss you, over and over again, and then when you started kissing me, I think I went crazy,” he blinked slowly, eyes covering every inch of your face. He leaned forward. “You really fucked me up, you know?”

You frowned. “Did I?”

“Pfft,” he huffed. “Are you kidding? You would change in front of me, lay in bed with me, touch me, everything I….” he swallowed hard. “How was I supposed to react to your tits? Your ass? You think i’ve never gotten hard from it?” you wanted to shut his nonsense up, but he kept going on. “I’ve had to literally leave just to jack off so you didn't find out—”

“Woah, woah,” you rose your eyebvrows. “You’re a mess right now, youll regret what you’re saying tomorrow—”

“I wont,” he sniffed, eyes meeting yours. “I’m done with acting like I don't think about you naked—”

“Jongho, shut it, we’re not alone—”

“We should be alone so I can do everything I want to you,” he pressed a sloppy kiss to your temple. “God, I want to do everything to you.”

You wanted to push him away. You wanted to tell him no—but…his lips, his words, his breath felt so good, so intoxicating. He pressed a kiss to your jaw, to the corner of your lips. “Can we fuck now?”

You closed your eyes, taking in a breath. “The hell is wrong with you? We’re in a cab—”

He ignored you, his lips continuing to find their way around your face. “When we get back?”

You looked down at his knee, how it was wrapped, how much pain it had caused him. “You just hurt your leg, and you’re not in your right mind.”

“Oh, i’m completely in my right mind,” he kissed your ear, letting a little breath of air tickle you. “I’ve wanted this forever.”

You sighed, your breath shaking, your chest tight. You had absolutely no experience—you’ve never had sex, never did anything with a man other than what you were doing now, and the little kiss you gave seonghwa. 

“I’m a virgin,” you whispered softly, embarrased. However, you felt the most comfortable with jongho. He was your everything.

“So am I,” he admitted, smiling. “We can learn together.”

“God, we’re so lame,” you breathed, smiling. 

Jongho, however, did not care about any words. He nuzzled into your collarbone, pressing a kiss there, over and over again. 

“So, does that mean we can have sex?”

—

You assisted jongho into your building, helping him into the elevator and pressing your floor while he leaned against the wall. 

The silence was deafening. You were sure he was able to hear your heart beat through your chest.

As the doors closed, you let a sigh out. 

“y/n,” he breathed. Behind you, his eyes were on you.

“Hm?” you hummed, afraid to turn to him, afraid of what you would do, what he would do. 

“I love you,” he spoke. 

You’ve both basically said it only an hour before. Only then, it didn't feel real. Now, maybe it was the fact that Jongho’s eyes have cleared up, his expression was raw. He looked nervous, he looked anxious. This was all new, all foreign—but Jongho wasn't new, wasn't different. He’s always been him, been by your side, your rock, your everything.

“I….love you too, dummy.”

When the elevator reached your floor, it took you a second to move. You helped him down the hall, and when you reached your door, you paused.

“Do you…want to…” you trailed off, unsure if that was only the drugs talking earlier.

When you turned to jongho, he had a sinister smile on his face. 

“You mean,” he nodded toward your room. “What I think you mean?”

“Well, jeez,” you scoffed, turning around to open your door. “As if you weren't the one all over me in the cab—”

A second later, you both stood in the entrance of your room, both of your hearts beating like crazy.

He entered the room after you, slowly shutting the door. The room was dark—you weren't even trying to turn the lights on.

You turned to jongho, watching him stand with his fists at his sides, his fingers gripping the fabric of his basketball shorts.

“How do we…” you took in a sharp breath, meeting his gaze. His eyes were wide, dripping with love, lust, with so much. You weren't sure if they always looked like that, if they looked at you like that. Those eyes….

“Let’s just, he winced a bit as he stepped closer. “Just stay where you are.”

When he got close enough, you saw the worry in his expression. The hesitancy, the love. He looked up, and his eyes spoke a thousand unspeakable words. His hand reached out, pausing at the hem of your cheerleading uniform. 

You let out an anxious laugh at his face, as he looked so conflicted. You didn't say anything though, and after a moment, he tugged your top right over your head, grinning like a goofball at the red lacy bra you had on.

“For me?” he murmured, his hand subconsciously drifting to run over your skin, his fingertips pressing against the thin fabric of your bra. He met your gaze, his jaw tightening.

You reached for his top now, the loose jersey easily pulling over his head—the jersey that was hiding the soft curves of muscle. You’ve seen him shirtless many times, an unimaginable amount of times—but this time, it was different. You ran a hand down the pane of his chest, across the mounds of muscle, down his soft but muscular frame. He was perfect, absolutely sexy, breathtaking, gorgeous. 

He shivered under your touch, meeting your gaze. He moved to take his shorts off, but winced. “Hold on, i’ll take them off—” but you both leaned down at the same time, crashing your heads together, causing a storm of laughter.

“God, we’re so not good at this,” He chuckled, smiling bright even in the dark room.

“No, not really,” you grinned, reaching down at his hips, pulling his shorts off, tugging a bit at the erection that bulged out. You held in your pride, the fact that he was already so turned on by just taking your clothes off.

His shorts fell down to his ankles, his underwear with them, leaving him completely naked, completely vulnerable in front of you. He looked at you with those damn eyes, those irises that held every emotion possible for you.

You took a second to take him in, his thickness, his length. You swallowed hard, suddenly aware that…that would go inside you, and it would probably tear your virgin self to shreds.

He then gripped the waistband of your skirt, tugging you to him. He was slightly taller than you, so when your body hit his, you felt his cock against your lower stomach, feeling a pulsing ache in your body. His fingers glided against the bare skin of your waist as he pulled your skirt over your hips, and when they fell, you were left standing in your mismatched underwear, begging him to take it off of you, too.

However, he just stood there like a deer in headlights, staring at the curves of your body, and the smoothness of your skin. His mouth parted, his eyes grew wide, and his hands twitched to touch you, to ravage you, to swallow you whole as if you were roadkill and he was a vulture.

An anxious vulture.

He reached around you, the heat of his body warming you, and his hands clasped around the clip of your bra. He fiddled with it for a good moment, and as he started getting irritated that he couldn't get it, you laughed. “Goddamn this thing has you locked up like fort knox—”

“Do you want me to get it—”

“No, no, i’ll be extremely embarassed, let me do it.” he continued to try to get it off you, and finally, it fell off you, onto the ground, and Jongho stood with a proud smile on his lips. “Fuck yeah, finally.”

But, right after his words of triumph, his eyes fell to your full breasts. His eyes widened, and he gave into his desires, letting himself grab one, calloused fingers gliding against your nipple.

“Oh, fuck y/n,” he breathed, both his hands coming up to cradle your breasts, to feel you up. He took in a breath, eyes unable to leave your body. “You’re absolutely beautiful.”

He dipped his head, taking in a breast into his mouth, flicking his tongue over your nipple. You felt your stomach tighten, felt your wetness pool at your thighs. He looked up to your eyes as he sucked, and when he saw your ecstatic expression, he quickly pulled away.

He didn't spare an extra second to claw at your underwear, satisfyingly watching them fall to the ground, leaving you both completely naked in the middle of the room. He looked at you, love dripping from his chocolate eyes.

And thats when you gripped the back of his neck. “I’m sorry if I don't do this very well,” you admitted, twirling your fingers in his hair. He didn't seem to even hear what you said as his eyes remained on your lips.

“God, we cant be friends anymore,” he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours, he hesitated, lips hovering over yours, his breath shaky, tangling with yours. “Definetly not, fuck.”

You tilted your chin forward, lips so close, so so close. His hands found your hips, fingernails leaving marks in your skin. 

And with one last look into your eyes, jongho sighed, letting go of everything. He pressed his soft lips to yours, taking you in like he hasn't kissed you before. Like he’s always wanted to. He breathed into you, moving his hands to cradle your face, to get as close to you as possible. 

You arched your body against his, bucking your hips into his, and he grunted in response. You fell backwards onto the bed, him on top of you, but as you fell, he bit your lip so hard you let out a little yelp.

“Oh shit,” he gasped, parting from you, eyes wide with worry. “Are you okay? Did that hurt? I didn't mean to do that—-”

“Shh, shut your face,” you patted him on the cheek, giggling at his reaction. 

He adjusted himself on top of you. “Here, make sure you’re head’s on your pillow, I want you to be comfortable.” he adjusted you, too, and he looked so sincere and serious it made you laugh. “Why are you laughing?” he asked, but couldn't help but let out a little chuckle, too. “Stop, this is serious.”

You laughed even more. “Sorry, sorry, you’re just really cute.” you watched his eyes twinkle as he looked at you. “And you look so pretty on top of me.”

He smirked, holding back his giggle. “Stop it.”

“I’m just saying,” you reached a hand out to wrap around his neck, tugging his lips right back down to yours, kissing him softly. “Mhm. I cant get enough of this.”

He smiled into the kiss. “Me neither, I cant believe you’re under me right now.”

You couldn't help the blush that heated your cheeks. You were suddenly aware of his dick against your thighs, of your skin against his. You looked into his eyes, looked at how they were looking at you, how he held himself over you. 

And then, after a look of utter love, he smiled and kissed you. This time, he stuck his tongue into your mouth, running over the ridges of the roof of your mouth. You opened your mouth wider, deepening the kiss, knocking your nose against his. 

His lips parted as he gasped for air, his chest heaved against yours. His hand delicately glided up your ribs, meeting the skin of your breasts. He gripped your breast in his hand, moaning into your mouth, hips bucking into yours. You couldve sworn you felt his heartbeat through his chest as he made out with you, as his hands covered you. He pulled away only to make sure you still wanted this, and when you nodded, he reached down to line himself up with you. The concept of sex always felt so difficult. So worrisome, so new. But with jongho, it felt like you've done this forever.

“If it hurts, tell me,” he whispered against your lips, kissing you gently. “I’ll take care of you.”

You literally couldve came at those words. You swallowed hard, and forced out a nod.

He pecked your lips, smiling, kissing them again. His hands hesitated, not knowing what to touch as his tip pressed into your cunt, his breath shortening, sweat dripping down his forehead.

You reached out, gliding a hand across his cheek, across his lips, smiling up at him.

“I….” he hesitated before entering you. “Are you wet enough? Should I spit?”

He looked terrified. Absolutely terrified. So you ran a hand soothingly through his hair, watching his eyes shut tight in pleasure, in delight. “Don't worry about anything and just do it.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, letting out a little laugh. “Okay, okay.”

And then, his eyes bled into yours as he tilted his hips, pushing his cock slowly into you, so gently, as if he was terrified of hurting you. You watched his mouth part, watched his expression change to euphoria as he filled you, every inch sparking a new feeling. 

He snapped his hips, his length fully in you, and you nearly cried out from the feeling. You moaned as he moved slowly, clawing at his shoulders, this feeling unlike anything else—your damn vibrator held nothing on Jongho.

He relaxed his expression, his eyes fluttering open, looking right down on you. You met his gaze as he moved in and out of you.

“Does it hurt, if it hurts, I can stop—”

“Shut the hell up and fuck me, jongho,” you grumbled, your hands finding a home on his hips, the feeling of them snapping under your hands sent you spiraling. You moaned as his dick reached a new spot, as you felt your walls tighten around him. You wanted to cry out, rip your hair out, tear at his skin as you felt the intense crave for him. The way he looked down on you fueled the fire in your hips, in your back. You felt an ache in your hips, slamming your head back, fighting the urge to claw the bedsheets.

But then you sae his grimace, and you frowned. “Oh my god, you’re knee, you’re in pain.”

He kept moving, but he was definitely in pain. “I-I think the meds wore off—”

Without thinking, you pushed him off you, making him roll over so now he was the one on th bottom. You straddled him, looking at his shocked expression, how his breaths quickened, how his cock twitched for you. To be inside you. 

You had an unimaginable amount of knowledge from all your smutty books, so you might as well try to use what you know, right?

“y/n, what are you—”

“Let me please you,” you breathed, and with a slow, calculative movement, you sat on his dick, sliding his length into you, once again gaining the extreme pleasure of his expression and the absolute desperation he expressed. He gasped as you moved up and down on his cock, and he watched you, watched him dissapear into you. He slammed his head back into the pillow, his face contorting, moans fluttering through his lips, his eyebrows knitting together in pleasure and a million other things.

“God, fuck,” his hands gripped your hips as you rode him, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his breaths shallow. He gasped for air. “You feel so good, oh my god. So fucking good.”

You tossed your head back, resting your hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin, the smoothness of it. He blinked up at you, a smile on his lips, completely in bliss.

He moved his hands with you, nearly lifting you up as you moved on his cock, moved on his body. You forgot how strong he was.

“You sure you’ve never done this?” he gasped, his eyes shut tight. “Because fuck, this is better than I ever imagined.”

You smiled down on him, giddy at his words. You moved even faster, causing him to moan, and moan, and moan.

You didn't even know what to say—you just enjoyed his little commentary as he took you in, his gaze dripping like honey.

“Godamn,” he hissed, eyes meeting yours. He looked frantic. “Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he seethed, hips slamming up into yours. “Fuck, you’re so hot, so so hot.”

You felt him twitch inside you, felt your walls collapse. You began to see spots in your vision as he moved his hips, too, just as you were. You felt so much pride as he looked absolutely pathetic underneath you, his gaze hazy, his lips bright red from your kisses.

“I love you, I…love you,” he hissed out. “I love you.”

You reached your climax just from looking at him, crying out in a moan, leaning forward over his body. His hands flooded all over you, sending sparks at every touch, every spot of your body. And when you came, when you felt the rush of cum, the rush of the high finally hit, you continued to move as he did. Then, suddenly, his eyes grew so wide, he lifted you off his cock hastily, gasping for air.

You leaned back on his legs, onto your heels, trying to breathe, trying to see, as his hands grasped his own dick, moving up and down before he came, his cum shooting onto you, over your chest, your boobs, your stomach. You watched him gasp as it happened, his lips curling up in an embarrassed smile.

“Oh, oops,” he laughed, looking absolutely delectable with the hair stuck to his forehead and his eyes wide with pleasure. “Totally meant to do that….”

Something burned under your skin, something foreign, something you never felt before. You’ve only read about this feeling, this moment. But now, here you were. You just had sex, sex with your best friend, and it was the best thing you’ve ever felt before. You needed more, so so much more.

“Please tell me we can do that again,” you breathed, falling onto him, sticking to him, feeling the beat of his heart as you pressed your ear to his chest.

“Oh, fuck yes,” his hand wrapped around you, holding you to him. He pressed a gentle, exasperated his to the top of your head. “You don't even have to ask that, i’m planning on doing that all night.”

You moved a bit so you could lay against his side, totally forgetting about the cum on you that now got all over the place. “You seemed like you knew what you were doing for a virgin,” you side eyed him. “You have to be lying.”

He smirked, a light blush on his cheeks. “Uh, well,” he swallowed, eyes looking all over your face. “I mean, I have been thinking about what I would do if I ever got to sleep with you.”

You furrowed your brows. “You’re so cheesy.”

“Well I didn't get to do exactly what I wanted,” he looked down at your lips, at your body pressed to his. “Because of my damn knee, but,” he pressed a kiss to your nose. “That means we have to do this again.”

“Oh, baby,” you pinched his cheek. “We’ll be doing this way more than we probably should.”

He smiled, that blush still on his face, across his nose. He looked so beautiful, so so pretty, it actually hurt you to look at him.

You kissed him, kissed his lips, his nose, his flushed cheeks. 

And you looked at him, at his eyes, the same eyes you’ve known forever. 

“I love you, Jongho.”

—

The next morning, you parted ways with a sleepy jongho, late for your early class. You couldn't stop thinking about him all day, that is, until you ran into Mingi and San in the library cafe.

Mingi grinned like the cheshire cat, an eye smile brighter than the sun. “Well, hello there, you.”

You rolled your eyes as the line for the coffee moved. San and Mingi stood behind you, giggling like little kids.

“So, Jongho didn't come back last night,” San started, and you quickly cut in.

“So? He always stays in my room, its not anything odd—”

“Oh, sweetie,” Mingi crossed his arms, grinning. “But it is odd.”

“Why?” you crossed your arms, too, facing him. San stood by with a little chuckle.

“Because he came back to the room before his class and his jersey was on inside out—”

“So? He likes to sleep shirtless—”

“His lips were covered in red lipstick—”

“I don't know what you were talking about—”

“Oh, and he told me that he had sex with you—”

You slammed a hand against San’s mouth, giving him a death glare while mingi giggled like a school girl. You grimaced, pulling your hand away. “Shut up, or i’ll make you.”

“Ooh, so scary,” San waved his hands in the air dramatically. “Anyway, are you dating him now? You better date him, he’s been dreaming of that for so long.”

You blinked. “I mean, we said we loved each other, but nothing about dating….”

Mingi smirked. “Welp, guess you better go figure that out.”

After class, you found yourself in front of Jongho’s door, a shake in your breath as you knocked. He opened the door, shirtless, a smile on his face the minute he met your gaze.

And then he grabbed you by the waist and planted a big kiss onto your lips, smiling into it, and then pulled away.

“Hi,” you smiled.

“Hi.” he tilted his head, looking you up and down.

“I heard you told San everything.”

He bit his lip. “Was I supposed to keep it to myself?”

You shook your head, smiling.

“Do you want to come in?” he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Mhm,” you nodded, following him in.

The minute the door shut, Jongho slammed you up against it, swallowing you whole with his mouth as he kissed you. His hands gripped the side of your head, tugging at your hair, causing you to let out a hiss. He took the opportunity of your open mouth to shove his tongue into you, exploring your mouth with pleasure. He moaned into you, and you couldn't help but moan yourself.

His hands gripped your thighs, lifting you up, slamming your back into the door as he held you to him. He then started to walk towards his bed, but you realized his injury.

“Jongho, you’re leg,” you breathed with worry, trying to get him to put you down. “You’ll hurt yourself—”

“Shut up,” he spoke into your mouth, indeed shutting you up immediately. You sighed as he kissed you, as he touched you. He gently set you down onto his bed, and you went under his duvet since he kept his room like an icebox. 

He followed you suit, crawling on top of you under the covers, but you had a better idea. Once again, you flipped him so he was on his back, and with one quick look at the shock in his gaze, you kissed his collarbone, then his chest, down his sternum, over the soft muscle of his stomach. You slowly pulled his pants down over his cock, his underwear along with them.

You felt his muscles tighten underneath your lips, you heard his breath hitch as you moved lower and lower, until your lips met the soft skin of his hard cock. He gasped his hands searching for you under the covers, his legs moving in pleasure as you licked his tip.

“Oh my…oh…” he arched his back against your kiss, your hands holding onto his hips as you surrounded your mouth around his erection. He thrashed against you, absolutely liquid in your embrace.

But before you could take him fully, the door of his room opened, and in came san blabbing about god knows what.

You quickly moved, trying to lay flat the best you could to hide. Jongho sat up fast, pulling the blanket up and bunching it around his dick, making sure it wasn't so obvious that you were under there….and that he was literally throbbing hard.

“I ran into y/n earlier, she admitted to it!” san roared, and you assumed he was taking his shoes off considering the sound. “Good for you buddy, I know how long you wanted to tap that—”

“Ah, yeah,” Jongho awkwardly laughed. You wish you could see the look on his face, the embarrassment. Just how long did he want you?

You couldn't help but stroke your hand against his dick, causing him to gasp.

“You alright?” San questioned, now making his way to the other side of the room. 

You continued to rub him. Jongho gripped the blanket tight.

“Peachy,” Jongho grunted.

San didn't speak for a while.

“Are you gonna finally ask her out?”

You paused.

Jongho sighed. “Huh?” he was totally out of it.

“I mean, you’ve been in love with y/n for ages, you might as well make if official while you can.”

“Am I?” Jongho swallowed hard. “Am I in love with her?”

“Ah shut up, you know it,” San scoffed,and a bed creaked—assumingly his. You decided to continue to suck Jongho off, taking him in your mouth, causing him to jolt.

“I uh, i’ll ask her out later,” Jongho took in a breath. “But, um, do you think you could….you know, give me a moment?”

“A moment, why—”San paused, then gasped. “Are you beating your meat right now? Oh fuck man, my bad!”

You nearly cackled against Jongho at the way they conversed with each other, how normal it seemed. It made you wonder how often this happened, how often Jongho did this to himself, how many times he thought about you while doing it…

That turned you on even more.

The minute you heard the door shut, you tossed the covers over your head, meeting Jongho’s shocked, mind-boggled expression.

“Jeez, y/n, fuck,” he couldn't help but smile as he looked at you, as you sucked him. “You’re a freak.”

“Well, you should see the things I read,” you chuckled, and then licked up the column of his cock, causing him to take hold of your head.

He shoved you up and down on his dick, his fingers tearing into your scalp, causing you to choke on him. He groaned, moaned, hummed every note possible, and then without warning, he came into your mouth, his body going still, his eyes open wide as he watched you swallow his load.

Oh, he tasted better than you ever imagined. 

His saltiness still coated your lips as you leaned over to kiss him, his eyes lost in you. He looked so in love, so in lust, in everything.

“Are you gonna ask me out?” you asked in between kisses.

“Mhm,” he leaned into your kiss, not wanting to break apart. 

“Are we dating now?”

Kiss.

He blinked, looking up at you. His smile defined beauty, his lips desire. 

“If you’d like.”

“Of course.”

You kissed him once more, wrapping your arms around his neck, rolling around in bed with him. He chuckled, smiled, nuzzled his head into you. 

“I have practice,” you kissed his cheek, trying to get up, but his arms wrapped around you, holding you to him. “I have to go.”

“One more minute,” he mumbled into your ear as he nibbled it, then kissed it. “Just a minute.”

You smiled. “Okay, fine, I guess I can spare a minute.”

He held you, breathed in your scent, his scent on your lips. He didn't let go, even after the minute, and you hand to force yourself out of his hold.

“Meet me in my room tonight?” you raised a brow,

He nodded. “Of fucking course.”

You quickly tried to fix your hair up, tucking it behind your ears, before you gave your boyfriend a wink while you walked out.

And, funny enough, when you shut the door behind you and turned around, San stood there, smirking devilishly.

“Well damn, when’s it my turn?”

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #jongho #jongho smut #ateez jongho #choi jongho #jongho x reader #best friends #best friends to lovers #colle #college au

[everyonewooeverywhere]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ bf!jongho x f!reader

synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.

content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, slightly angsty, relatively fluffy (certainly the fluffiest thing i've ever written here)

word count ✭ 2.5k

note ✭ so this was something i really needed to write for myself, i think. for those who don't know (which is all of you lol) i have adhd. where i see it the most in my own life is chronic procrastination. it's something i've had to learn to cope with a lot throughout my life. a lot of times, when i feel the need to avoid feeling the stress of my personal life, i'll scroll on instagram or tumblr forever. which then leads to a heaping ton of guilt in the following hours as i try to make up for lost time. it's a wonderful cycle.

anyway, this is to say, that coping alone can be incredibly difficult. don't get me wrong, i have a handful of wonderful friends (who go to school across the country) and an angel of a therapist, but i often romanticize having someone there to help drag me out of those hopeless cycles. and not because i think i need someone to do it for me, but having that person is a really comforting thought. and, today, that is jongho i guess 😀

that being said, this mc doesn't necessarily have adhd, but they are certainly experiencing something that i experience very frequently as a byproduct of it.

like, is this smut? yeah, but im allowed to be emotional 😗

warnings ✭ mc is stressed af, protected sex, really soft sex (they're in love 😤)

✭✭✭✭

It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.

So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 

You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.

Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 

Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Jongho months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Jongho had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.

But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 

Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.

| jongho 🐻🤎: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.

| jongho 🐻🤎: that ok?

God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.

| jongho 🐻🤎: y/n? 

| jongho 🐻🤎: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?

Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.

“Hi,” you picked up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 

You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”

“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."

You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.

“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.

You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”

“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”

“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”

When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 

✭✭✭✭

By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Jongho had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 

When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 

“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”

You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”

The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Jongho had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.

And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.

“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 

That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.

“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“How could I ever forget? I love you, too, y/n.”

✭✭✭✭

After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Jongho had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.

You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.

He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Jongho would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 

When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.

Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.

He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.

Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 

Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.

He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.

He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 

Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 

With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 

Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.

“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.

You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”

When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.

He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 

“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.

You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 

He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 

You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.

Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”

“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”

“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.

He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”

You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”

He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.

For him, though, that was more than enough.

✭✭✭✭

note ✭ ok this shit got really personal 💀 but i did really enjoy writing it. it's not often that i write a whole oneshot in one sitting but i did today (other than my minor break to eat dinner).

also, i was actually between writing this for vernon or jongho because i felt like they both kinda fit the vibe (sorry if the knowledge that this could have been a hansol fic makes anyone sad), but maybe i'll write something similar for him next time i'm feeling it

again, i hope you enjoyed this! thank you so much for reading 💗

mwah~

#ateez #ateez x reader #jongho x reader #choi jongho x reader #jongho smut #jongho scenario #ateez angst #everyonewooeverywhere