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#chemo survivor
ifwebefriends · 1 year
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You like Nagito because you think he’s an edgy depressed bad boy,
I like Nagito because he’s a deeply traumatized and disturbed cancer patient with low self esteem who wants his life to mean something.
We are not the same.
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undercat-overdog · 3 months
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heythereimb · 3 days
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The joy that my little mohawk brings me is unmatched. My hair isn't growing much on the sides but I already have about an inch on the top and down the middle of the back. I'm so excited to have hair on my head again.
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thedujifuji · 8 months
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wondering why after chemotherapy I’ve been liking Ten a lot more than I used to —> realizing that I became Eleven post chemo and that cancer/chemotherapy + radiation was my Vale Decem regeneration scene and my old self is both dead and now a part of a newer me
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funnuraba · 2 months
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Something I'm not sure leftists understand is that ignoring Covid isn't just a genocide against disabled people like me, who they obviously wanted dead the whole time. The effects of Long Covid are so debilitating that they can prevent you from thinking and moving at all. None of its symptoms are curable. They've never been a priority for research, either, so there's not much to build on. If enough people rack up enough infections, society as we know it could collapse very easily. And we're staggering at the brink already. Most people's immune systems are permanently damaged. Everyone was sick this past holiday season and hospitals were rationing care.
It's completely possible that we'll lose enough scientists to prevent ever finding treatment, or even a vaccine that prevents you from catching and spreading Covid in the first place. Even if they get discovered, we might lose the ability to produce or distribute vaccines and treatment. The people with the most chance of surviving this are the rich and famous, who are quietly keeping themselves safe with air filtration systems and PCR tests that no one else can afford. If you're a leftist who's not masking, you're quite literally choosing to hand the world over to a tiny handful of rich people.
Edit: the brain fog was so bad I completely forgot my original point, which is that the poor and marginalized societies leftists pretend to care about are already having Covid incorporated into ongoing genocides. People are posting about children in Gaza having novel seizures and heart attacks as though this is a normal and common stress response in children. Both of those things are actually symptoms of Covid infections even in vaccinated people. Palestine has been deliberately cut off from the vaccines, and they no longer even have hospitals to manage heart trouble in the acute stage.
Reporters in Gaza were posting at least a month ago about respiratory illness going around in the shelters. Almost no one on the left-wing side has even mentioned Covid in all this, despite how clear it was from the outset that an airborne pathogen would be a key part of the genocide. This can happen to absolutely any country. Any of you can have your access to boosters, masks, air filtration, etc. cut off at will--and in fact, countries like the UK have already openly embraced eugenics by denying boosters to most of the population. Leftists have to push for awareness and take basic steps like Wearing Their Damn Masks or the entire world is fucked.
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valiantvillain · 3 months
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Me walking into my labs telling the nurse to stick me like one of their pincushions.
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queen-of-bel · 2 years
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I’m curious on your take is on what the core themes of Devil Survivor are?
AHH A DESU ASK THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
this may be a bit of a cop out, but i think i'm just gonna quote the staff directly on this:
“Instead of simply surviving in a desperate situation, we offered the player choices through with they could interact with others, overcome various experiences, and decide for themselves what they should do about their situation. The keyword behind the main concept of ‘Devil Survivor’ is ‘Choices’. Personally, if I was put into that situation, I’d probably head to the nearest emergency shelter and try not to move. Despite having choices, my reality would be nothing like the game. [laughs]” - Shinjiro Takada
“The story of ‘Devil Survivor’ itself is like a personal message from me. Don’t ever let the situation dictate what you do. See things with your own eyes and make your own decisions. Don’t just sit back and complain about your circumstances, do something about them! The Internet may be convenient, but something as simple as a power outage can take it all away. Don’t take things for granted, because nothing in this world is certain. Always expect the unexpected. These are some of the thoughts I hope I will have gotten across to the player after they’ve finished 'Devil Survivor’.” - Yoh Haduki
I think they put it into words way better than I could have (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
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oasisr · 11 months
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If you're a cancer survivor, there is a side effect of treatment that many people are not aware of.
And, the side effect that I often think is the change that has taken place to my hormones, leading to weight gain.
I follow a few tags here on Tumblr that pertain to weight loss and working out because I love being inspired by others. But, it is disheartening seeing ED content.
I can say that in the past year, I have tried losing weight in unhealthy ways to no avail.
What actually helps me lose weight after chemo and being on Prednisone (a steroid) is lifting weights, walking, swimming, and going on the stair machine at the gym. I also had an active job this year too, which involved me working in a very fast-paced role.
Yes, it turns out that working out and moving around a lot throughout the day burns a lot of calories. I also try to limit my sugar and keep a rough estimate of how many calories I'm consuming at a healthy amount.
As a short woman (5'3), I limit my calories to about 2,000 a day, and try to burn about 300 or more calories through walking and working.
This has helped me way more than restricting and being on a strict diet. I eat what I want within reason and enjoy my life. I try not to stress out over food, but I still eat mainly healthy, whole foods.
I see ED posts on here about girls who cry because their moms made them dinner. That is just so sad.
We are here to love life and enjoy food. Our experiences are a blessing.
In conclusion, my hormones have changed a lot since chemo. And, being active and eating healthy is the only thing that allows me to lose weight. Restriction does not work with my current metabolism at all!
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swampxwitchxhattie · 2 months
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Sometimes I think about the nurse who adjusted my shorts for me wordlessly and discreetly when I was too drugged out of my gourd to notice my cheekies were peeking out when I was walking around the chemo ward and I wonder how she’s doing.
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darklingartist · 3 months
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(via What I'll Never Regret)
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beingsanket · 10 months
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ifwebefriends · 9 months
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dude . . . that post where you said you liked nagito not because he's a depressed uwu bad boy but a traumatized complex cancer patient . . . we are the same lmao i literally made a research paper on his overall condition. very interesting case study ngl
That’s so cool! I’d be interested in reading your paper if you’re comfortable sharing. It’s nice to see that not everyone boils Nagito down to a generic bad boy tumblr sexyman. I actually have a lot of feelings about him and how he affected me personally because I can relate to him in a weird kinda hyperbolic way.
Okay it’s trauma dump time now strap yourself in. (TW suicide, cancer, COVID-19, needles, medical treatment)
I’m actually a cancer survivor myself (stage 4 breast cancer diagnosed in July 2020) and because of COVID and cancer I took a gap year in my education (I had just graduated high school and was set to start college) to go through treatment, so I had a lot of time on my hands to play video games and watch TV shows. So I ended up playing Danganronpa 1 and 2 in like October through November of 2020 (I would have played V3 then too but I didn’t have access to it yet).
When I first started chemotherapy in August of that year I tried to stay optimistic, hopeful, and cheery about everything, I didn’t want people to worry and pity me (right after my diagnosis, the most painful part of it all was watching all my loved ones worry so much about me) and I was told that I would most likely survive it. But round after round of chemo along with the rampaging global pandemic that I was honestly more scared of (I was immunocompromised because of chemo and I live in a country that generally didn’t take mask-wearing or quarantine seriously) gradually wore down my spirit little by little. By November when my treatment plan got extended (at least two more rounds of chemo than initially expected) I was worn out, miserable, hopeless, and borderline suicidal. This was around when I played SDR2 for the first time.
When I first played through the game I thought that Nagito was kinda just a fun character who made the game more of a challenge since he was kinda working against you. I never hated him or anything (my first reaction to him was actually “OH MY GOD IT’S THE FINGERS IN HIS ASS GUY!!!!”). Then after I finished the game I read online that if you talk to him in his free time events (I later did the free time for all the characters myself in school mode) you eventually find out that he has cancer and dementia and that’s when my whole perception of him shifted. I felt a sense of comraderie and unity with him that I feel with other cancer patients/survivors. Also, due to my piss poor mental and emotional state at the time I found myself really relating to him in a way. I felt strangely seen and understood.
Needless to say, even in this dark time in my life, I wouldn’t even consider doing the things that Nagito did in SDR2. Nevertheless, I guess I related to him because he represented my specific agonies and pains to a hyperbolic degree. Due to cancer and the treatment related to it, I was angry, hopeless, frustrated, and at a severe disadvantage while the whole world was suffering as well. (Cough cough chapter 3 dispair disease cough cough)
I think generally that the emotional and mental health aspect of having cancer and the general dark parts of having cancer aren’t talked about enough. A lot of people like to make it this hopeful empowering thing and I think it’s fine to do that, it’s good to have hope and strength in times like that, but when one can’t stay strong and hopeful in those circumstances it doesn’t really hit well. And I think that’s what Nagito represents to me. He represents someone beaten down by his life circumstances that he had no control over, and while he puts up an optimistic front, he’s not the #strong #sobrave chronically ill person that seems to be really common in modern media. He represents the dark side and the brutally negative emotions that can come from chronic illness or just shitty life circumstances. He doesn’t care much about his own life or well-being, he’s basically given up. But he wants his short life to mean something good so desperately. In his own way he cares about the people around him and the world around him, he just thinks he can’t have a place in that world. He’s willing to hurt and kill people in order to, in his eyes, make the world a better place at the cost of himself. He’s like an antithesis or foil to other cancer patient characters I’ve seen who have a generally more positive saccharine outlook on their condition and their life (I.e. Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars).
Thankfully I’m much happier and healthier these days, I’ve been done with chemo for over two years and while I’m still going through some treatment related to it (hormone suppression pills and shots since my cancer was ER+) but it pales in comparison to what chemo did to me. I may not relate as heavily to Nagito as I used to, but he still holds a special place in my heart. I see him now and still think of him as a flawed but sympathetic character who was a twisted mirror of my deep-seeded physical and emotional pains that I felt back during the most miserable time of my life. At that time, I couldn’t see the light, so he sat with me in the darkness.
Nagito’s story isn’t really a story about having or surviving cancer.
Thankfully my story has a happy ending as I survived cancer and am still in remission. I am much happier and healthier now and I have a new appreciation for life, how fragile it is, and the little joys that make it what it is. I don’t relate to Nagito as much now as I did back when I was going through cancer treatment, but when I look at him, I’m reminded of how he reflected the darkness inside of me during my worst times and how comforting he was to me.
Thankfully I beat cancer and I am much happier and healthy now, but I still look at Nagito and remember the dark comfort he gave me through my worst of times.
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ainyava · 4 years
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همیشه وقتی توی این فیلما وقتی یه اتفاقی باعث احساساتی شدن طرف میشه فکر میکردم که اگه من جای اونا باشم حس اونارو دارم؟ نکنه ما احساساتمونو یادمون بره؟ اما این هیچ اشکالی نداره که همونطور که میخندین و شادی میکنین، احساساتی بشین و گریه کنین.. وقتی اولش عکسمو که جلوتر توضیح میدهم روی کیک دیدم ناخواسته زبونم بند اومد و بغزم گرفت... قشنگ یه شوک بهم وارد شده بود، شدیدا سعی داشتم احساساتمو کنترل کنم ولی گریم گرفت و یکم بعد تر که حالم بهتر شد و رفتم لباسمو عوض کردم که شمع روشن کنیم و ... اما اصلا چرا؟ عکسی که روی کیکه و روی پروفایلم تلگرامم هم هست که احتمالا خانواده‌ام هم از اونجا برش داشتن مربوط به اوج دوران کوه رفتنمونه که پشت دوربین این عکس دوستامم هستن (محل تصویر نزدیکی قله کلک‌چاله) و وقتی برای اولین بار روی کیک دیدمش تصاویر و خاطرات ۲-۳ ساله دوران کوه از جلوی چشم رد شد، حس رضایت بعد از سعود توی برف و باد شدید زمستانی، گرما و عرق تابستانی، حس هوای دلپذیر بهار توی کوه، بوی بخاری داخل پناهگاه و چای، حس نم نم های بارون و بوی خوب کلکچال، سختی های شیب دارآباد و توچال، یخ زدن و حسابی خیس شدن پاهامون ولی در عین حال دیوونه بازی و سر خوردن و برف بازی روی برف های کنار پناهگاه، خستگی و خواب بعد از کوه، چایی داغ بعد از سرمای چند ساعته، مزه نون پنیر روی قله، لش کردن روی سنگ ها، حس ناامنی و ماجراجویی در شب، سکوت آرامش دهنده، دورهمی های درکه و خلاصه همشون واقعا فوق‌العاده بودن. فکر میکنم یکی از پر ارزش ترین چیزایی که دانشگاه بهم داد همین تجربه ها و دوستی ها بوده، یه دوستی بی غید و شرط و پر از انرژی خوب، دم همتون گرم... . و سرطانی که داشت همه اینارو ازم می‌گرفت! (۱۴ اردیبهشت ۱۳۹۹ - May 2020)
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ublaccounting · 1 year
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On this world cancer day, let's speak up, stand up and take action to unite for a future without cancer. Together let's fight and win against this disease.
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addubaevents · 1 year
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On this world cancer day, let's speak up, stand up and take action to unite for a future without cancer. Together let's fight and win against this disease.
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thewrongjackpot · 1 year
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Who needs to blog anymore when you have a therapist?
It’s been some time; more than just a hot minute. I had to look back and see how long it’s been. It’s been about nine or so months since talking about scans. I think from that appointment I was given a therapy contact and started up not too long afterwards. I feel that’s been bearing much of my emotional and mental weight lately. It seems pretty obvious that it’s something I should be doing, and here, I feel the need to justify going because of cancer trauma. Yet I, even without it, still probably end up going at some point. Cancer was just an extreme catalyst to get me to start. I can only use humor as a coping mechanism for so long. I was getting to a point where the dying jokes were becoming more frequent and getting old. It always makes me think of the scene from “Friends” where Phoebe is dating a therapist, and he asks Chandler something along the lines of “What happens when the jokes stop?”. 
Therapy has been good. I had learned about what secondary trauma is from my husband, and during much of the post-treatment times, I tried to stay conscious about what degree of information I divulged to certain people about how I’m doing. Because there are so many layers to all of this, and if they knew all the thoughts that cross my mind, all my anxieties, and just much of what I have to internalize, they’d surely be left with secondary trauma (assuming they actually cared). And I think the part that scares me is that dealing with the thoughts about “what if cancer ‘won’, and I died” are the easier ones. 
I talked to my therapist about how I’ll do certain things in “attention-seeking behavior” fashion like pull up my sleeves and causally put my Sally arm out into the world so that maybe it’ll act as heads up that something isn’t quite right with me. I think I’ve been using this platform as a way to indirectly, yet, directly tell people what’s going on in my head/what I’m dealing with. Like I’m not specifically telling someone this; someone chose to read it. Yet I’ll do things like post on my IG story that I dropped a new blog… so how indirect is it really? (I already know I’ll be guilty in the future …like how did you get here?) I think I use it as a way to absolve myself from some of the guilt of potentially traumatizing others by telling myself that they chose to read it; I’ve done my job and put out disclaimers. A part of it is in needing and wanting to be heard while at the same time not wanting to be a (direct) burden on someone else. 
I have this need to want to protect others from everything I’m going through, for example, my parents. I think it’d break their hearts to know all that I’m dealing with. Maybe I’m self-absorbed, but I feel that any caring and loving parent wouldn’t want to see their child handling everything I am or generally, someone dealing with very traumatic experiences. I can only imagine feeling fairly helpless. I’m not a parent (and who knows if I ever will or could be… and that’s a whole other set of onion layers), but I think that deduction isn’t far out-of-pocket. I’m very concerned with the toll my trauma could have on one of my loved ones (again, with the self-absorption). Thus, therapy is a safe space for me to just unload, unpack, and healthily work through much of what I hold back from others. 
Then there’s this weird atmosphere I create by internalizing much of it that it may give the impression that everything is fine. Then it feels odd if it’s not acknowledged, but I’m the one putting out this vibe that it doesn’t need to be talked about. Yet, I can sometimes feel forgotten if I’m not checked in on, but at the same time, I’m like, get off my back, I’m fine. It’s a weird space to be in.
I recently saw a TikTok…or a movie…? that talked about perception. How you’re the only you you’ll ever know, and that the only “true” you only exists in your head. Everyone else has their own version of you based on their perception of you. It’s been sitting with me lately. Thinking back to when I was going through treatment and people left and right were saying how strong I was or I’m a warrior for going through all of this. Not something I hear as often now as I’m done with treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate hearing it (pure cringe). However, the funniest aspect about it all, is that from my perspective, treatment, surgery, and all of that was the easiest part thus far. So much of that was dictated. I had all my appointments scheduled. We had a protocol for when certain things went wrong. I had doctors and medical staff essentially running the whole show. All I had to do was show up; driving my ass to appointments, as often as I could. Sitting in the hospital for a month or so at a time. I had no real choice outside of “let myself die”. I just had to show up; that’s it. I survived. I didn’t have to worry about anything else. My life was so regimented I didn’t have capacity to deal with or focus on anything other than showing up and sometimes rooting for my body to not kill me. I’m left with imposter syndrome from others thinking and saying I’m some strong person. 
And life moves on, treatment ends. I’m still around. There’s this err of “everything is generally okay now”, which depending on how you look at it, could be true. But all of this “after” has by far been the hardest part, again, from my perspective. Trying to reintegrate back into this unforgiving world with my new “normal”. Life keeps on going and stops for no one. There are days where it takes every ounce of me to just keep trying. Finding happiness in what pockets I can. Celebrating even the smallest wins. Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Dying or having died is easy. It’s the living and finding reason to live that’s hard, even without the cancer sprinkles. I want to be hopeful and optimistic about this world and the rest of whatever life is gifted to me. There’s this persistent fight in my head against fully submitting to nihilism. I don’t want to be labeled (perceived) as that sad sap that gave up or let grief and anger be the drivers of my world. Being angry and/or sad at the universe changes nothing that’s already happened. It really just is what it is (sidenote: I legitimately want to get “It is what it is” tattooed somewhere eventually. I’ve lived by this long before cancer came along). 
ANYWAYS, as you can tell, I’m very much in my head. Just some later night rambles from your favorite failed X-Men. If you’ve got this far, do what you will with all this information.
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