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dduane · 1 year

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BTW… re: Smut

... off my comment to this post the other day...

I'm an entertainer. Writing's a form of entertainment. (And not just for the readership: for me, too.) To be aroused by art one's experienced is (almost by definition) to be entertained, I'd say. If someone's jerking off to my erotica, then all I can do is lean back in the typing chair, smile a bit, and think, Good! I got the job done. :)

(...with the tags: #and no I'm not going to let on where the smut is#why would i deny anyone the delights of the search#and of being repeatedly mistaken#while possibly finding smut writers who're better at it than i am#:) ...)

...and then noting (with affectionate amusement) some responses:

Well, troops, better get busy filling in that bingo box. 😄

Also: I have to say (while stressing that I absolutely appreciate the humor behind "shocked, shocked, scandalized...") that the dissonance is, temporally speaking, a bit ill-founded. Because while I may be best known for the Young Wizards works these days... by no means did they come first. This did.

A soft chuckle in the darkness. “Lorn, remember that first time we shared at your place?” “That was a long time ago.” “It seems that way.” “—and my father yelled up the stairs, ‘What are you dooooooooing?’ “—and you yelled back, ‘We’re fuckinnnnnnnnnnng!’” “—and it was quiet for so long—” “—and then he started laughing—” “Yeah.”

Granted, from the here-and-now POV of readers with access to the hot-'n'-spicy shipfic or PWP on AO3, this sort of thing (and the numerous other lights-often-off or dialogue-only sexytiems passages in the traditionally published Middle Kingdoms works) would be seen as pretty small beer: soft, non-edgy stuff. Yet in 1979 apparently there were those who found the sex and sexualities on display in The Door Into Fire arresting enough that the book got me nominated for the Astounding Award (for best new author in the field) two years in a row.

There's no question that the broadly inclusive tone set by the Middle Kingdoms books went on to affect and underlie the YW universe in very basic ways. (There've been some scholarly works written by academics who've picked up on this, so [much to my relief] this perception hasn't been just me imagining it.) But I'll grant you that those who don't know the MK novels wouldn't be in a position to make the connection. (shrug) This is just one of those things that comes of having a lot of fragmented readerships who don't know about each other... a side effect of having done a lot of different things during a career. I can also understand how not knowing about the MK works could leave people who know me only, or primarily, as someone writing for a younger readership, a little bit disoriented (or maybe concerned) when the issue of me writing openly sexual material rears its head. But that wouldn’t be a change of direction. It’d be, to some extent, more a return to form.

Anyway: I consider erotica—and its more casually-dressed (or undressed...) cousin, smut—to be perfectly legit forms of literary expression; ones that can soar to unexpected heights if you're willing to put in the work. The sexy-stuff-writing muscle requires periodic exercise if it's to remain viable and/or useful. So I exercise it. And being a 70-year-old person who sometimes creaks audibly when she walks has done absolutely nothing to decrease my interest in the subject—the brain being, after all, the biggest sex organ, and the one least vulnerable to the depredations of time. If anything, nearly fifty years of experience (and three and a half decades of marriage to @petermorwood) have added... let's just say nuance. 😏

Now this whole concept will doubtless horrify some of the "Eww, You're Too Old To Be Writing This Kind Of Thing, Go Get A (Home) Life" types. To which all I can say is, "...Well, good!" By and large, such folks are not my readers anyway. And as for any of them who are, and can't deal…? They need to understand that (pointing off to one side) those people over there—the various kinda-straight and pansexual and bisexual humans, and the gender-fluid fire elemental, and the otherly-gendered Dragon, and the mostly-gay ones enthusiastically shouting "We're fuckinnnng!" down the stairs—are Nita's and Kit's godparents. Without the members of that extremely mixed marriage and their increasingly extended family, there might be no Young Wizards series... not least because it was the splash made by the first of the Middle Kingdoms books that got the Errantryverse crowd in through a major publisher's door. And the series’s continued (modest but still noticeable) success through the second and third volumes kept the writing of new YW books going for a good long while.

...So. For those who may have had questions: HTH. 😀

(And now back to the unending search for a more graceful synonym for “testicles”.)

#Young Wizards #Middle Kingdoms #writing young adult fiction #writing adult fiction #writing adults-ONLY fiction #all sisters under the skin

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starlightnorris · 9 months

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unanswered questions - charles leclerc

synopsis: the one where you run into your first love and there's a ton of unanswered question and a whole lot of feelings there.

word count: 1k

read part two

they say you never truly get over your first love. you believed them for a while, the first year or so after charles broke up with you, you were a mess. everything reminded you of him, from the places you used to go together, to the simplicity of seeing a car on the street. and it shouldn’t have hurt so bad, you were just teenagers, young love is always bound to crash and burn, but that first year was brutal.

but eventually you got over it. you moved to new york city to go to university, at some point meeting the person you wanted to spend your life with. it was funny, just how quickly your perception of everything changed. one day, it was you and charles together, only teenagers, but making small comments about the future. and you had believed that the two of you would end up together, but people change, plans change, and eventually, you move on.

there wasn’t a moment that you could identify that “ruined” your relationship with charles. it was just two people moving on from something that was once so real. it was weird to think about it now, you were 25 and that was nearly a decade ago. but there was always that nagging thought in the back of your mind that kept saying that if it could happen with charles, it could happen with justin. there didn’t have to be a big moment, one day he would just come to you and say that he didn’t feel the same anymore.

justin was lovely. talking about the future with him genuinely made you excited, but there was still a part of you that wondered what charles was like now. sure, you saw him on tv, and you still kept up with races, something your boyfriend took notice in. but he just thought you loved formula one, he didn’t know about the Ferrari driver who had once held your heart in his hands. but you didn’t know the charles of today. he seemed different, but he also seemed like the same boy you were in love with all those years ago. but that didn’t matter now, you’d moved on, even if your heart still yearned to know him.

---

“i think we should go out tonight,” justin says one day. it’s a friday, the two of you are already off work, both having left earlier than normal. “there’s a new restaurant i’ve been wanting to try.”

“yeah, that would be great,” you say, a soft smile on your face as he walks over to press a kiss to your forehead before the two of you start to get ready for the night.

you’re walking hand in hand down the street, a slight breeze in the air as you take in the area around you. moving from monaco to new york city was a big difference for you, being a place that was so small to a city that was constantly filled with so many people. but you loved it here, you loved to anonymity of being in the big city. monte carlo was too small, and when you were dating charles, people took notice of the two of you as it was becoming more clear that he was fully on his way to formula one.

but you didn’t want to think about that today. you were here with justin and as if he could hear your thoughts, he looks down at you, a soft smile playing on his lips as he looks at you. you could get lost in that smile and the way his gaze is so soft as he looks at you, so much love and adoration in the look. and it only takes you running into someone to take your eyes away from him.

justin makes sure to steady you and you mutter a “shit, i’m so sorry,” before looking up to see who you ran into. and you know that moment in the romance movies where two people look at each other and everything around them stops.

that’s exactly what happened when you saw charles in front of you. everything around you seemed to stop. you were in new york city, a place that was constantly busy and alive, and all you could do was stare at the man in front of you. you’d imagined what he’d look like if you saw him up close again, were there any marks on his skin that you couldn’t see through a screen? were his eyes soft in the same way that they were when you were teenagers?

“holy shit, you’re charles leclerc,” you hear justin say from beside you, but your eyes still rest on charles, and you can tell from the look on his face that he knows exactly who you are. it takes him a moment to tear his eyes from you before they move to your boyfriend and then down to where the two of you are holding hands and you catch a flicker of something… regret, maybe? but no, he broke up with you. he had full control in that situation, he doesn’t deserve to have any regrets.

“uh, yeah,” charles mutters, his eyes snapping back up to your boyfriend. “yeah, i am.”

they chat for a moment, but you don’t hear a single word, especially when his eyes keep moving to where you are standing, a lifetime of questions swirling in his eyes. “it was nice to meet you both,” charles says after a bit, and his eyes linger on you for a moment too long, and you want him to say something. you want to take the time to talk about almost a decade of distance between you, but he gives you a small smile, continuing to walk in the direction that he was heading.

“that was so cool,” justin says, a starstruck look on his face as he looks back at you. “i can’t believe we just ran into him.”

“yeah,” you say, but your heart’s not in it. instead, you’re thinking about years of unanswered questions with charles. you’re thinking about all the things you never got to say, and you’re thinking about why the hell your heart is beating so fast for a man you don’t even really know.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagine

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balanceoflightanddark · 2 months

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As everyone is probably aware, I am an Azula fan. And I've been left..."estranged" is the best word I can say from the franchise. I think I speak for a lot of people that how the comics' handled her hurt a lot of us. Pretty deeply. Characters we used to look up to were now reenacting every nightmare scenario we could've imagined.

Azula in the Spirit Temple was a step in the right direction, but the fact is for a lot of us, it's going to take a long time to recover. The near future is going to be hard for the old guard. Full of uncertainty both with the Netflix remake and the upcoming Avatar Studios movies (if they ever get released). This is on top of a decade of bad takes which hit every button and some pretty upsetting content that'll form a bedrock for new stories going forward.

So, I get the apprehension. I really do. Hell, I was right there when the Azula comic came out. It's the same anxiety that kept me on the backend, wondering what else they're going to put her through next. Particularly with how for such a long time, the comics were the only real continuation we had of the original series. Made us feel that we didn't have a voice in the wider community.

Course the obvious consensus is that we're obsessed. And perhaps that is true. I feel though that Azula means a lot to every one of us. For me, her story was that of self-destructive perfectionism and striving for belonging in a world against her. Finding something that would never come. Struggling with one's own mental health. Being raised in a society that teaches you to be a soldier and adult first, human being and child second.

She meant a lot to me. As she means to so many others. And nothing is going to take that away from us.

Times have changed. Azula's perception is being rewritten in the fandom at large, possibly within the franchise as a whole. Obviously, there's always going to be naysayers, and I understand that breaking bread and coming back to the fandom is asking a lot. So I won't. There are uncertain times ahead. And for many of us, it will be painful.

Know then that you are not alone. There's others that feel the same way you do. And we're in this together.

Feel free to share your thoughts.

#azula #princess azula #azula fans

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transzilla · 1 month

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god, I think you described me.. just skimming the tags when I saw the bit about forcemasc on a transitioned man.. I feel like such a teenager when what I want to be is a man. I don't know how to take it and demand my respect. I feel like I've lost so much not growing up this way. Can I still grow and be changed? Be forcemasc'd like I want to be even though I'm "already there"?

Bro, yes, literally yes... I wish I could just like haunt and possess some of ya'll sometimes and forcemasc you from the fucking spirit realm like a forcemasc demon LMAO

So a lot of the time your feelings of inferiority are coming from yourself. We suffer the most in our imagination. But if they aren't and it actually is somebody not respecting you, don't shy away! Examine it. If I was there I'd absolutely grind your face in it. When you do feel embarrassed somewhere and people aren't taking you seriously as a man I need you to go full humiliation kink and examine everything you possibly can. The most educating moments of our lives are frankly fucking horrible and you won't grow as a man if you aren't paying attention. The beauty here is observation, like is it something I'm doing? Are there any other men who are also being demeaned? I want you to know exactly where the pain is.

We need times in our lives when we are basically teenagers, stunted, clumsy, awkward shitty theatre kid versions of the men in our lives, all our feelings of shame and dysphoria are for a reason. We cannot truly eliminate weakness in ourselves if we can't find it, and the best way is exposing it. And that's a really humiliating process because a lot of us started way late at the most subtle exhibitions of masculinity. These cis guys have been doing it their whole lives.

But like, give yourself some credit, you're not the moron here. We aren't kids. We are adults and we can learn faster and adapt faster than kids can. Question your own perception! Are you really that far behind? I think honestly for the time you've been a man and the obstacles you've gone through to get to where you are you've been doing pretty damn well. You've dealt with things that majority of cis men would not be strong enough to deal with.

Do not be uncomfortable with your material reality because if you can't face it and look at yourself and all of your flaws you can't improve. You need to go out and do things and experience humiliation in order to expose all your weaknesses, and then work to eliminate them. Don't just shoot yourself down all the time, oh I can't do that, I'm too weak, I'll never get there, it's too scary, etc. like, come on, this is your life, this is serious. be a fucking man LMAO.. when you can force respect from yourself then you will be able to make other men respect you. That's the first step.

It just takes the nastiest ordeal to get there. Sometimes the ordeal is coming from us! We terrify ourselves. We torture ourselves worse than any other man could ever dream of. Start smaller and smaller, understand that your feelings of terror are jealously guarding your potential to be a man like a hen guarding its eggs and you need to just bare your teeth and rip that piece of shit limb from limb and take what you are entitled to.

Like let me stay grounded here. When I first started what I do for work, tree removal, it was incredibly embarrassing and nobody respected me. And they were right. Like I could barely use a chainsaw, I couldn't pull the cord fast enough to turn it on, couldn't lift the fucking thing. I didn't know shit about anything, and I couldn't figure out shit about anything, like I was lacking entire thought processes that other dudes could do starting in kindergarten, it went all the way down to going to lumber yards and boys getting excited over big machines and tractors, they were familiar with everything and had decades of experience on me while I was still learning how to be a man. There were some jobs I didn't stick around very long at, hahaha.

But then I learned, like I wanna say it took me about two years to get up to speed, And I took the piss and I accepted consequence. As soon as I stopped demanding immediate, fairy tale perfection from myself and my life and stopped with "should'ves" my life became much more work oriented and essy to deal with. Getting fired was fine. Getting bitched out and humiliated was fine. Going with incredible isolation and lacking very basic things was fine Because like shit I tried and and as long as some other guy is doing it to me I sure as hell don't need to do it to myself. I just had to work that much harder. Endure it!!!

some guys now are still better than me because they've been doing it longer but I'm functional now u know. And like these guys also don't know shit about anything, like wow they can lift a big saw and use a tractor but they're so focused on being masculine they don't fucking explain things. Because of their feelings and their oh you ought-tos and just absolutely writhing in weakness and inefficiency for NO REASON. Like I actually have a vagina, man, the fuck is your excuse? I've had quite a few bosses who will tell you to do something, give no details, get mad when you ask for details, and get mad when you do the job wrong. Then I feel like I am truly one of the guys when we're just discussing what the fuck our boss meant. Is he really a big fucking man when he can't do his job? When all the men he works with think he's a punk?

Where I'm at in my transition right now I still don't always get men to listen to me, like my coworkers in conversation, which at first I percieve as disrespect but then i need to consider the men I'm with don't really listen to anyone. If my current boss, a man in his 40s who has witnessed so many deaths in his field and is physically stronger and smarter than all of them can't get them to listen, is it really a blow to the respect I command? And these guys also all feel insecure about being a man, except they haven't figured out basic shit that I have so they think raising their voices means people will listen. A lot of these guys get their asses handed to them by girls, they can't handle heartbreaks. They bring up being jealous about me doing things that I considered feminine, they wonder how I can haggle well, make funny jokes, talk to girls, keep everything clean, cook well, play poker well - these are all feminine skills, haha, the empathy and sensitivity required in the money world especially.

Focus on your humanity first, and use being a man and your desire to be a man, to magnify and shape your desires as a human being. Like you wanna be a man. What does that mean? You wanna be respected, command other men? You want to take control? You want to be dominant? You want to be skilled? What will it take to get to that point? And have a little fun, enjoy the process it takes to get there, in its kinky, humiliating, rancid chained-to-the-radiator glory.

#forcemasc #autoandrophilia

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atdoop · 5 months

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i was thinking about this earlier so i figured i'd share it here too. here's a comparison of my art in 2021 (when i first started to learn how to draw) and now. the picture on the left is april 2021, on the right is october 2023.

i know a lot of people have this feeling that it's impossible to start to learn to draw as an adult, and it's something i struggled with a lot and still do sometimes, but i really truly believe that anyone can learn to draw at any age.

my art isn't the best or anything, but in 2 years i really think this is a crazy amount of progress and i think most people are way more capable than they realize. in 2021 i was drawing with my mouse in aseprite because i didn't have a tablet and i desperately wanted to learn to draw. i can't say that's the best way to start but you really can just draw with whatever you have and it'll help.

as an adult your perception is probably a lot better than it was when you were a child, so it can be easy to discourage yourself by thinking that your art looks bad, but you have to remember that as an adult you can also much more easily identify the areas you want to improve in and find the resources that can help you with that.

if i can give any advice at all: just draw. you don't have to do it every day, don't force yourself, but forming a habit helps a lot. but at the bare minimum if you want to learn you gotta draw, even if you don't think what you're drawing looks great. also, don't compare yourself to people who have been drawing for decades, which is easier said than done, but it really won't help you. no one sits at a piano for the very first time expecting to be able to play a whole song.

unrelated but i was still drawing big boobs back then too. i just thought this was the best example picture i could find. so that part didn't change at all. and if you can believe it that's leech in both pictures

#doop.art

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leovoid · 7 months

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No one understands Attack on Titan

Been struggling with getting my thoughts on paper with how busy this new job is making me. Looking for another job and got a 2nd interview today that is remote so I can have more time to dedicate to these videos But anyway... I wanted to share what I have so far to see if what everyones thoughts were? Anything I should add? Missing any points? I'd love to see your thoughts ^^

************THE VIDEO STARTS HERE*******************

More than a decade has passed since the release of Attack on Titan, a manga and eventual adapted anime that epically impacted anime culture globally by and large.

For just as much as an intense and emotionally stirring series Attack on Titan was and continues to be, that same inspiration reverberated into the many hearts of its fandom.

Spawning cosplay free of racial or ethnic limitations, A story in which its setting takes place in what most considered at the time a post apocalyptic world similar to the popular series “The Walking Dead” which landed Attack on Titan and in turn anime as a whole into the western lime light and in even more countries around the world, with characters and ideologies so meaningful and captivating that fans globally could not help but take the very same stance as our heroes, dedicating their very hearts to the Scouts cause and for 10 years heavily anticipated what the story would bring next.

Unfortunately however, it is within those 10 years where Attack on Titans characters, themes, and its very creator has always been and continues to be heavily misunderstood for reasons in which I can only define as misguided, projecting, and entirely foolish

Whether that is due to the possibility that I have surrounded myself in a conundrum of echo chambers of the naive, and ignorant is up for debate, (Show a faded icon of Twitter) but the fact that these misunderstandings happens by and large by both side lined spectators and fans of the show inexorably reinforces the topic this video discusses.

Despite being a story which expresses a tragically beautiful message meant to juxtapose itself within reality, no one TRULY understands Attack on Titan, or at least very few people do and with good reason.

What started as a young boys endeavor for the freedom of his species would eventually find himself caught in the complex webs of the machinations of human corruption.

Peeling layer by layer the extensive history of humanities cruelty, and the horrifying realization of the commentary Attack on Titan has tried to impose from the very beginning. Creating a rift within the fandom from the drastic change of how easily relatable its story used to be into how difficult of a question the story imposes towards its conclusions.

Leading people to accuse Attack on Titan for being anti-semetic and harboring fascist and imperialist subtext, that Eren Jeagar is a useless cry baby, a totalitarian tyrant and most importantly a god damn simp with the story's conclusion being heavily criticized as ruined, clumsy and just straight up bad.

But all of these statements couldn’t be any more wrong, most of their arguments set on such a fragile foundation that all it takes is a simple thought to topple it to the ground, which is exactly what this video sets out to do.

For those that the fandom has labeled as “Yeagerists” “Zekists” or even “AOE speculators” I ask this of you…

Instead of pondering what could’ve been, what your idealistic perceptions of how Eren should’ve acted in his final moments, or what was the right choice in the end, I ask of you, what do you think Isayama is trying to say with Attack on Titans story? Is it hopelessness and futility or is it something much more behind the futility?

Put your theories and ships aside and ask yourself, what is Attack on Titan asking us?

Attack on Titans asks of us a horrifying question, a question that remains integral and consistent within the story through out. But due to its uncomfortable nature, most people can’t help but shy away from it and instead criticize it narrow mindedly.

After all, how can most people empathize with acts of cruelty and oppression? How can most people not be upset at the social stratification the series presents? Its barbarous, its inhumane, but its horrifyingly real.

As the story begins with a hopelessly naive young boys idealistic perception of the world caught in the apex of mans cruelty eventually warped into a desperate man crushed by the viciousness of the world.

From the casts original objective to preserve mans existence, a fight for species survival eventually flipped on its head to something much more complex, rooted in self interest and strikingly real to events in our real lives.

Attack on Titan was never a story that avoided imposing a difficult question, an unavoidable question with no escape or unrealistic solutions that our main characters would have to face, where no hope or dream would survive as Isayama gives us an answer that we could never see coming.

Play: and on that day humanity received a grim reminder, that we lived in fear of the titans…

Oppression

A common complaint I often hear in regards to Attack on Titan is that it promotes anti-semitic and fascist ideals.

Antisemitism is the act of hostility or prejudice against a specific race, while Facism is a way of organizing a society in which a government ruled by a dictator controls the lives of the people and cannot be disobeyed without severe consequences.

And while these descriptions are extremely apparent within the story, the detail that most are missing is if Isayama himself promotes such principles.

From a power hungry tyrannical king whose only goal is territorial conquest, to a corrupt nation which promotes anti semitic propaganda to succeed in the very same ambitions as the evil king before them, to the once prominent king hailed by many stands alone in his passivity as he traps his subjects in multi layered ignorance condemning them to an inevitable death, to the world which fervently yearns for your death simply for what you are.

What we can draw from this is that the setting in which Attack on Titan takes place in clearly represents anti-semetism and fascist principles, but just because it does should not mean that Isayama himself supports it which can clearly be seen when you look at the ramifications the story presents to us of said principles

To the lone man who walks the path of a devil implanted with the wanten desire of freedom bred from the oppression that surrounded him at a young age, to the many Eldians who were ignorantly held captive beyond their understanding as they lay helpless only to die, to a nation who reclaimed their land and liberty from their oppressors and to a lone fragile young woman who constantly finds herself in awe at the sight of what a slave can never have.

Eren Jeagar and the Scouts are the antithesis to the very principles that people accuse Attack on Titan of supporting, with their symbol representing wings soaring towards freedom; they fight for liberty against the monsters that condemn them within the confines of the walls, seeking to eliminate that which prevents them from their birthright, even going as far as dismantling the oppressive government power that had systematically oppressed the nation for over a century until eventually with their backs against the walls, they are forced to fight against the world.

Attack on Titan while again being a story surrounded around the idea of anti semitism and facism was never a story that supported it but instead adamantly opposed it.

Eren Jeagar personifies this ideal, from his early youth Eren came to the realization that freedom was a given right to all people who are born into the world, and slowly began to realize that everything that surrounded him, the walls, the titans and even his own people prevented that and this knowledge enraged him.

Throughout the story, Eren continues to fight towards this ideal until he eventually came to realize the significant amount of sacrifice it would take to see his dream a reality.

And yet in spite of that, people often misconstrue Erens intentions, the foundation of his motivations, and the very contents of his dreams.

Eren Jeagar is the sole character who encompasses a majority of the themes and messages Attack on Titans demonstrates, however, its partly due to how heavily misunderstood Eren is that leads most people to fall short when it comes to recognizing what it is that Attack on Titan is trying to say…

Erens actions towards the end of the story is highly controversial, polarizing the fanbase into those who empathize with his decisions vs those who simply can not.

And all the while, people who are stuck on the topic of whether Eren was right or wrong is simply irrelevant The Rumbling, while undoubtedly able to stir a moral dilemma to the viewers, is but a rather large piece to an even larger picture.

Attack on Titan does not focus on the idea of what is right or what is wrong, at least not on an individual level, but instead offers us layers of dark gray circumstances that shows us who the true enemies are.

*Play Erwin: “That was a weird question” scene*

The enemy of Oppression: Dreams

When one is completely surrounded by sorrow and strife, what lays dormant inside of us all is the constant struggle to persevere towards attaining a state of being which provides us the greatest feeling of contentment.

However, most of us if not all of us fall into the trap of completely romanticizing our dreams to the point where we become blindsided to the effects in which our endeavors may bring as a result.

And the more dogmatically we substantiate our dreams, the heavier the weight becomes when reality plunders what we had desperately hoped for.

Mention how the cruelty of the world twists those dreams into malicious ambitions to persevere

*Play the scene between Erwin and Levi “Is this more important than the fate of humanity? Yes.”

#aot #anime #anime analysis #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #eren yeager #rumbling

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cloud-somersault · 2 months

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Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re alright. 💕 I’ve been reading your status updates on Constellations and the Epilogue, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re amazing. Your writing is incredible and I love it. Your stories are so well thought out and the characters are ✨on point✨, and the plot is complex and detailed and aaahhh! It has me hooked! 🤩

And I understand how it hurts when you put so much effort and love into a story, only to post it and not see others be anywhere near as excited or invested as you are. I know how discouraging it can be. And it may be a little silly, but I do want to apologize for not commenting lately—life took some difficult turns for me healthwise around the end of last year and I haven’t been able to catch up! I’m still on Chapter 4 of Constellations! 😭 BUT Chapter 5 is open on my phone, and I am READY to read it as soon as I have the time (and mental energy, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue 😩). Don’t worry that your writing isn’t enough, or be discouraged if some readers don’t catch hints while others are figuring it all out seemingly too easily. Everybody reads and comprehends stuff differently, and it’s not a sign that your writing is bad if they don’t catch it! Honestly, I’m pretty bad at catching hints the first time I read a story unless they’re pretty darn obvious. I don’t usually notice subtle hints until the second, or third, or even seventh read-through, haha! (on the bright side, rereading stories and rewatching TV shows is always fun!) 😅

I guess what I really wanted to say is… don’t give up hope. Don’t lose your love and enthusiasm for your works, or feel like they aren’t worth writing because others don’t seem interested in them. At the heart of it all… at the end of the day… write because you love to. Because it makes you happy. And know that it doesn’t have to be “perfect”—the main goal should be that you enjoy it. That’s something I’m trying to teach myself, too. 💕

Thank you for taking the time to write this message and send it. I appreciate you're very kind words 💕I'm doing okay, I just had to take a step back for a bit from socials and stuff. I'm gonna keep that up for a while.

Please don't apologize for not commenting or taking your time reading. Your health always comes first, and I'm sorry if I came off as childish or needy, that wasn't my intention. Two things just happened that set me off and the timing of it was incredibly poor 😓

Please take your time reading; none of it is going anywhere, and don't feel obligated to leave comments either. i'm realizing that, even if chapters are short or long, finding the time to finish things is difficult, and everyone lives different lives. And I'm sorry about all the spoilers on this blog, I'll tag that better from now on.

But I really do think I got confused or disjointed in my perceptions; everyone here knows so much because i've been asked questions and given answers and people have interacted, so people following me here have more context than the average ao3 user. But I've kinda been expecting everyone to be on the same page, which will never be true.

I'm also the same way where it takes me a while to pick up on hints. I actually changed my writing style to prevent this. I got tired of reading books in college where you had to dive into every little thing. the hints and clues weren't obvious to me. I decided then that, when I wrote, I wanted things to be bold, obvious, but beautiful. I didn't want to make readers feel like they're missing something. I wanted them to trust that every answer, every clue would be answered in time. I made that promise to myself a decade ago, and being reminded of how different people interpret things just...made me remember.

I take writing really seriously, probably too seriously, but I've been doing it for so long and I love doing it. I want to be good at it. When it feels like I've gone back on that promise to myself, I get frustrated. I think of ways I could've fixed things. But I also remember that those books and those writing styles just weren't for me. I wasn't the target audience.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to explain why I got upset. I still love Constellations and I'm posting it on ao3 out of convenience, really. It's easier to reference and search there in one "Entire Work" than to have 5 documents open. The fact that others can see and read and have fun is a bonus. But I'm committed to telling this story, and I'm gonna finish with a bang.

Thank you, I won't forget why I'm doing this and that my thoughts/feelings come first! 😤I hope your health concerns are taken care of soon. Take it easy, and thanks again! 💕

#ask #this is very kind i'm sorry i worried people i was just REAL upset/mad #but i'm better now. i just needed to take a minute and refocus and remind myself of a few things #we're still chugging along #but seriously thank you for sending this. i'm really glad you like constellations! that means a lot to me #but seriously--health comes first. and DON'T FEEL PRESSURED TO COMMENT!!! 😤#okay love you bye~ 💕

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thesamoanqueen · 1 month

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By the way, I apologize for my message being too long. Just with everything that's happened all these years and now everything that's been going on since The Rock has gotten involved in the storyline, its just been too much and it's frustrating. Because what have we as Roman fans done that's so wrong and bad? What have we done expect support and enjoy our fave, like everyone else does theirs? It's sad that everyone can go on and enjoy their faves happily and in peace, make gifs and posts about them, write fanfics and prompts about them, etc. And even when their faves have made mistakes and have a history of problematic behavior, they can still have fun and be happy and enjoy those people. But we do the same with Roman, and we get piled on for it and treated differently from everyone else. And why? What makes Roman so different from other wrestlers? And what makes his fans different from everyone else? We aren't so different, he's not so different. Yes, he's the face of the company and all, but that doesn't mean he's gonna be 100% perfect. Even faces of the company and top guys mess up and have their moments. So, I really just don't get it 😔

Forgive me if I don't post the previous message anon, but I prefer to reply to this one. I partly agree with what you wrote there too, because to me the whole controversy still seem ridiculous as all the controversies around Roman often are. The comment might have gone unsaid, but it wasn't that different from what he's said to Seth in the past, although I understand it may have offended someone, im pretty sure of the real reason behind all this controversy.

The problem regarding people's perception of Roman has been there since the beginning of his career, I fear it will always be there and there are many reasons behind these reactions. I have my ideas about why and I have my ideas about why others aren't treated the way he was treated too, that's life. They are personal ideas and therefore have no value. I understand your frustration, but those like me who have been on the boat for a decade have gotten used to this underlying problem. We have overcome worse moments than a promo popularly said to be "wrong" and we no longer expect to be treated well, because we can't always get what we deserve and this is a life lesson. What I invite you anon and all of us to do and I said it before friday too, is to calm down because voices who love controversy have been added to the scene, people who are not exactly reliable have entered the scene and who have made a show that should entertain us, heavy and toxic especially because they are encouraged. Let's give things the weight they have, let's all try to feel less free to say the first thing that comes to our mind just because we're behind a keyboard, let's not follow the temptation to behave like others do and let's not judge just because today we have to play the part of valiant knights.

And as for Roman, I don't accuse him for anything, he knows what he thinks and he's responsible for what he does, it's not a comment that makes me change my opinion on the person I believe he is because in all these years he has showed that he is that person inside and outside the ring.

#now can we get over this please? thank you

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here's a hug for everyone who has been single for a "weirdly long" time - however long is considered "weirdly long" in your circle (this may be a few months or a full decade depending on your age and environment!).

And an extra hug for those who haven't been single as in "I've been on a few dates/talked to a few people I was interested in but it didn't lead to a serious long-term relationship yet" but as in "I haven't talked to anyone at all whatsoever and there's no sign that this will change anytime soon".

This includes a lot of people: People who want to be single and choose not to go on dates, people who would prefer to be in a relationship and wish they met someone to go on a date with, and people who are somewhere in-between (open to a relationship but also perfectly okay with staying single).

For the people who choose to be single, it can be a "for now" or a "forever" thing. It can be a happy feel-good choice or a necessary one (for example, people who went through a painful break-up, got out of an abusive relationship or experienced something traumatic may not be directly happy about being single but feel like it's a necessary step in their healing journey).

As diverse as the group of long-term single people is: many of them face the same noisy questions, unrequited advice and pitiful looks.

Of course, scientific studies prove that single people are not by default less happy or healthy but often have more friends and do more for their communities than married people - but society's perception of long-term singles is still very one-sided and negative.

People trying to set you up when you never asked them to do that, people assuming that you are just too selfish to date or have too high expectations, people bodyshaming you by providing unwanted advice on how to look more attractive, people telling you that you are wasting the best years of your life and will regret it when you die alone and bitter, your parents telling you that you owe them a son-/daughter-in-law or constantly whining about wanting grandkids, people "joking" that you must have cobwebs between your legs... all of that hurts, regardless of why you are not dating.

So, I just want to send you lots of hugs and support, and remind you that those people and their stereotypes are plain wrong. It's okay to be single for any length of time (including forever!). There's nothing wrong with you. Your life can be beautiful and happy and fulfilled without a partner. You don't need anyone to complete you - you are already a whole person.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

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woundlingus · 2 months

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Okay, Unfinished Business 13x20 THEE Gabriel master thesis of episodes for his characterisation tells me one very important fact about him, and that’s that he is an unreliable narrator.

This is perhaps not even his fault, years and years of suffering the worst kind of abuse it’s hard to think clearly about much at all, let alone the intricacies of what happened to put you where you are and trying to understand other perspectives. It’s hard when you’ve spent a near decade (or undisclosed amount of time being shifted between Earth and Hell) with only the worst kind of torture at the forefront of your mind.

Or maybe, he does know. He is the trickster in every way that matters regardless of if he’s the original Loki or not. I’d find it pretty hard to believe that the trickster who haunts Sam Winchester’s nightmares would be unaware of the irony of his situation and the symbolism of his own torture, I imagine that makes the punishment all the more humiliating and bitter. Gabriel is also a show boat. A peacock. He’s always paraded himself around as tough and unknowable, he’s also a known liar and both of those traits work together to create a very convincing story in whatever episodes story it is he wants to tell. But he is a liar.

What sounds better? Gabriel ran away to hide under the skirt of his pagan friends?

Or, Gabriel was living a luxurious life where he was pampered and beloved;

(That’s right, the pornstars obviously)

That these so called friends wined and dined him, fed him his fill, and then when he was at his most vulnerable after they’d made well sure he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down- THEN, and only then, did they strike out against him. He could have never seen it coming. The ultimate betrayal.

Gabriel can’t keep his story straight the whole episode. He opens with a bold faced lie (can you spot the resemblance to any other lies so far?)

He knows this looks bad. He’s already so fragile, and he knows the Winchesters want him for his grace so I can’t imagine him knocking on their door for help was a decision he came to easily. So these two men who are bigger than him, stronger than him, and have a bone to pick with him, bring him into their motel room while he’s bleeding his guts out and can barely stand. He peacocks. I’m fine, “you should see the other guy”, wink wink. God forbid they know he’s weak, god forbid they think he’s any more pathetic than they already do.

He’s guarding his very fragile ego right now, frankly, it’s the only thing he has left.

I don’t doubt for a moment that Loki’s POV is any less clouded by his own personal prejudices and ego, they’re very much the same after all. Loki was in that cave, Gabriel did rescue him.

These are facts. That doesn’t change that Loki freed Gabriel from a cave of his own and saved him from his family as well.

They are equals in this fact. But neither willing to admit to it. Loki I understand, he’s given very little time to plead his case and so he gets right to the point. I saved Gabriel’s life, he killed my father.

Gabriel however, has plenty of time to explain himself and wastes it spinning a story in which he can both simultaneously look cool and still find himself to be the ultimate victim in. He wastes time keeping the Winchesters in the dark and it could have cost them their lives when they ran in after Gabriel without the whole story. Lucky for them, no one here cares about the Winchesters lol Loki is as occupied with Gabriel and he is with Loki. But they could’ve been hurt!

I’m not saying Gabriel doesn’t deserve catharsis, that he shouldn’t get to kill Loki and his children. I don’t need to, Gabriel does-

Maybe that was the tricksters best trick so far, that Gabriel managed to warp his own memories and perception of what happened to fuel his own survival, and now that he’s out and the world is real again he can’t make himself let go of what he had to tell himself. That Loki was unnecessarily cruel. That Loki snapped out of nowhere. That his closest confidant sold him out for money of all things. He can’t let himself remember it was more complex than that, he tells himself he needs this, because if he doesn’t he’ll have to admit that under all this peacocking and lying he is that weak and broken and scared. If Gabriel has to sit down with the reality that he’s never going to be that cool and sexy guy who gets everyone he wants and couldn’t care less, he’d probably want to kill himself (which is what really starts to get him down in the following episodes because guess what, killing Loki didn’t fix anything he’s still broken, :( always will be)

I think he believes if he can lie hard enough, this fabrication could be real. It can be real to him at least, so he doesn’t have to face the humiliation of either admitting to his own stupid naïveté and he didn’t see the obvious coming, or that he knowing and wilfully begged Loki for a place by his side and got throw down hard for his cowardice. But it’s not like there’s anyone left to contest his story now.

#this is so ramble-y I’m so sorry 😭 this probably doesn’t make a lick of sense but it’s plaguing me #gabriel spn #supernatural #spn #supernatural s13 #supernatural 13x20

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dropsofnightshade · 1 month

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I was reading one of your asks and the one about the Black Family being equal to British wizarding royalty just got me thinking.

Just how much influence does the black family truly have? inside and outside of Britain. like does current (British) wizarding society still think (perhaps not consciously but maybe subconsciously) of the blacks as 'Gods amongst mortals' as Rhiannon Gaunt said the blacks were prone to act as and if so why?? I'd love to hear a complete and total character analysis of your black family. It's so interesting to read about your version of them and I absolutely love how you've portrayed such a mercurial family.

also, another question, Is the black family madness a thing in this story? I don't think so but It's so cool to vision them all being just a tiny little bit insane. like they're just that family,, yk??

I sometimes just imagine the entirety of the black family making a grand entrance somewhere and everyone is just feeling like "wtf that's so hardcore" and looking regal, powerful, influential and just filthy rich as fuck. (if there's such a scene, trust I WILL be sending a whole ass love letter personally written to you) ((even better if harry's new friends witness this cuz apparently I'm obsessed with such a scenario))

Are any of Harry's Durmstrang friends ever formally gonna meet the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black? and on a scale of level 1-100, just what is they're reaction gonna be like? like Harry's so humble sometimes that it just doesn't register that he's the future heir to one of the most ancient and richest houses in all of Britain so it'd probably be a little reminder that, right, Harry James Potter is actually quite powerful, even at such a young age. (I'm a harry and black family fan if you can't tell lmao)

Almost like Astrid (I love her btw) but the British version. (Yes or no?)

I look forward to your updates most wholeheartedly, with love.

Thank you for the ask! The situation with the Black family in Britain is complex; they are both revered and reviled depending on who you ask. They are a proud dark family, and this is something British society has increasingly seen as a negative thing in the past couple of decades in particular. Amongst the dark families though, and those who have no issue with dark practitioners, they are admired and respected — however grudgingly it may be for some.

Even those who fear the Dark Arts can have a complex perception of the Black family. They can fear the family whilst also wishing to be like them. The Black family have influenced British society and culture throughout the generations. Whether it’s fashion or lifestyle, they set trends that people feel the need to follow. They have never been a reclusive family until recent times — but always exclusive. Those who condemn the Black family’s influence and society’s obsession with them, are still feeding into that same obsession by giving their time and energy to condemn the Blacks.

There is indeed a bit of a subconscious perception of the Blacks as “Gods amongst mortals”, because they exist in a league of their own when it comes to wealth and influence. The only other families who come close to competing with them in Britain, inevitably put the Blacks on a pedestal too. There is almost this mythology around the family that makes people intrigued. For them to have maintained relevance and influence for so long baffles many, and people are still telling stories about members of the family who are long dead. They are a British wizarding icon, consistent throughout the changes society has experienced over the past few centuries.

In my story the Black family madness is not a thing — of course there are members of the family who have been notoriously unhinged, but that just adds to the drama and obsession with the family. You can’t help talking about them, speculating, gossiping, feeding the obsession etc. They are just so interesting.

Rest assured, Harry’s Durmstrang friends will meet his family. There will be a bit of a realisation for some of them about what Harry doesn’t talk about or show in terms of the wealth and power behind him.

There was a scene when Mischa met Harry and spoke to the older boys he was with. Mischa was rather indignant on Harry’s behalf that the boys did not seem to understand the significance of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. What this shows, is that there are some families in mainland Europe who appreciate the Blacks, but many who just don’t know anything about the family.

Because Britain has been isolated for so long, the rest of Europe have forgotten there are many families in Britain who possess just as much wealth and potential as some of the most influential families in the rest of Europe.

I’m so glad to hear you love Astrid — and yes, in many ways Harry is her equal.

I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Lots of love!

#thanks for the ask!#dark heritage #the noble and most ancient house of black

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the-eldritch-it-gay · 29 days

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my therapist thinks im very grounded in reality and like maybe my psychosis is really mild if i have any at all but i also like. i have been in therapy for like over a decade now and I'm on antipsychotics. So like, yeah. I can seem grounded, only because after a decade of being taught how to identify negative feelings and thought patterns, and longer of being taught to Act Normal Or You'll Get Locked Up, but my life is empty and scary almost every single day because I constantly believe people want to hurt me and that people are talking behind my back and that people are lying to me or are spying on me.

The most meaningful irl relationship I have outside of a family member is a cashier at the gas station who I sometimes say hi to when I go to the gas station and other times think he hates me and wants to hurt me and can't even look him in the eye.

Not to mention regularly having hallucinations, often threatening and distressing ones like hearing people breaking into my room or climb into my bed or seeing shadowy figures watching me or coming at me or people yelling my name.

Yes, sometimes I can look at a hallucination and know its a hallucination. Yes, sometimes I can examine something I believe in and see that I have no evidence behind it and its likely a delusion. But being able to tell something is a hallucination doesn't change the stress and fear and impact of my day to day life. Being able to tell something is probably a delusion doesn't actually change what I believe. It doesn't help the fact that I can't trust my own memory or perception or senses.

I know I function well to the observer for the most part and just being able to lie and try and hide my symptoms means they're like not as bad as they could be. But I've finally recognized that I live a very isolated and terror filled life and I want some help, even if I have a job or seem to hold it together well. Of course I hold together well in your eyes, my whole life I've been threatened with being sent to shelters or institutionalized if I dared even slightly step out of whats "normal". I fully believe if I tell important people in my life the truth about my brain that I'll basically be put in jail and taken away from the only shit holding me together.

#Eldritch IT Speaks #i seem put together but my whole appointment I'm trembling and soaking my clothes with sweat

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disco-elysium-via-polls · 1 month

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RHETORIC - Rise and shine, comrade. It's time to get to work.

What's going on?

RHETORIC - Despite all the thinking you've been doing, only 0.0001% of communism has been built. It's too great a task to undertake alone. You're going to have to *get organised*.

ENDURANCE [Godly: Failure] - Uh oh. Organisation hasn't exactly been your strong suit, historically speaking...

I thought the shack was nice and cozy as-is.

Judging from the state of my ledger, I don't think that’s possible.

I'm ready, let's get to it.

Not really my thing. [Discard thought.]

RHETORIC - The condition of your paperwork is irrelevant. All that matters is your commitment to *building the World Republic*.

You must seek out your revolutionary brothers and sisters. Find out how much communism they've built. Then, together, maybe you'll be able to build as much as 0.0002% of communism.

But it won't be *easy*. Decades of persecution by Coalition authorities have driven the remaining communists of Martinaise *underground*.

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - They live underground? These communists aren't men, they're *mole people*!

I don't know if I want to go searching for mole people.

But *I'm* part of the Coalition authorities! Have I been persecuting communists this whole time?

Will they help me fire up Mazov's Socialist Sausage Grinder?

How am I supposed to find them if they're hiding? (Proceed.)

RHETORIC - They're not 'mole people', they're your comrades in the *eternal class struggle*. It's your task to find and join them.

2. But *I'm* part of the Coalition authorities! Have I been persecuting communists this whole time?

RHETORIC - Possibly? If you have been, it's only because you're a *double-agent*, acting in furtherance of your *long-term objectives*.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Listen to this. Do you really think you're the kind of person an underground communist cell would entrust with a mission that requires such discretion?

Maybe?

Hmm, probably not.

RHETORIC - Regardless, what's past is past. You need to look forward, to the work of building communism for all.

3. Will they help me fire up Mazov's Socialist Sausage Grinder?

RHETORIC - Just between us, you may want to lay off this 'grind up the bourgeoisie' stuff. It's a bit off-putting, even to fellow communists.

4. How am I supposed to find them if they're hiding? (Proceed.)

RHETORIC - Let your *nose* guide you, detective.

My *nose*?

You must mean my *knows*, as in my huge and highly functioning brain.

RHETORIC - Yes, fortunately communists are known to have a very *distinct* smell.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) [Easy: Success] - We really have no idea what they're talking about. There's no linkage between ideology and olfaction.

What does communism smell like?

Okay, I'm ready. Let's get organised.

This sounds unfathomably stupid. I want no part of it.

RHETORIC - Failure.

There's so much failure in my life already -- I don't know if I can take any more.

Okay, but what does *failure* smell like?

RHETORIC - It's a smell you know all too well. Simultaneously repulsive and yet darkly appealing. Musty with a sharp tang, but also a remnant of lost sweetness. Like a rotting mango that's been swaddled in a coat from your grandfather's attic...

PERCEPTION (SMELL) - What you're smelling is your own body odour, of course. Nothing a shower and change of clothes couldn't fix.

RHETORIC - People sometimes complain there are no real communists left in Martinaise, but you can smell their presence. They're out there, waiting for you to join them!

2. Okay, I'm ready. Let's get organised.

RHETORIC - First, you'll have to locate the remaining communists in Martinaise. When you get near to someone with revolutionary potential your nose will give you the signal to *establish contact*.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) - Again, no, it won't. Any olfactory response you perceive will be strictly psychosomatic.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Judging from the bust of Kras Mazov and other revolutionary paraphernalia you discovered, it seems that the Capeside Apartments may be a hotbed of communist activity.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - You should begin by interrogating those lawless malcontents at the Dockworkers' Union. They're an obvious place to start.

Hang on, what will I do once I establish contact with my fellow communists?

(Roll up your sleeves.) Alright, let's get to it. [Accept task.]

On second thought, I have better things to do. [Refuse task.]

RHETORIC - You'll discuss the monumental, world-historical task that lies before you. You'll engage in rigorous and spirited debates about Mazovian theory and practice. But mostly you'll probably complain about other communists.

Isn't that last part kind of counter-productive?

RHETORIC - Not at all. Complaining about other communists is one of the most important parts of being a communist.

(Roll up your sleeves.) Alright, let's get to it. [Accept task.]

RHETORIC - Here we go! 'Wake, brave worker! 'Tis no time for bed/ Fight till there's no slaves below, and no masters o'erhead.'

New task: Get yourself organized

Kim is already waiting for us by the time we get outside.

#disco elysium #harrier du bois

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musashi · 2 months

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hi I just wanted to come here and say that your franziska vid popped up in my recommended and I absolutely loved it. I’m not super active in the ace attorney fandom anymore but the series has been a huge part of my life for over a decade now and franziska has always been my favourite character so to see her story be analysed so thoroughly and beautifully like that legit made me cry several times.

also your analysis of the sibling motif in JFA completely changed my perspective on the anime’s decision to make adrian and celeste sisters. I remember watching the anime when it was coming out and being pretty furious at that decision at the time because I perceived it as queer erasure (in fact I’d imagine the censorship rumour you talked about probably started because people like teen self at the time perceived it to be the only explanation as to why they’d choose to do something like that which then probably repeated to people newly entering the fandom as fact rip) and while I don’t carry the same emotion attached to that situation I once did, I’d never really had my opinion on it challenged. but seeing you lay the themes out the way you did made me realise the artistic value in that change in a way I’d never thought about before and now I’m fully on board with the idea them being sisters makes for a thematically stronger story.

but yeah it makes me so happy that even after all these years people are still making analysis that challenges and changes my perception of the story and gets me to think about it in new and interesting ways so thank you so much for that as well as, of course for making what I consider to be like… THE franziska analysis now. it really means a lot to me

this makes me so happy! honestly i love challenging opinions and having my opinions challenged. i love the feeling i get when i get told some information that makes me re-frame and question everything. it's just such a rush, it's an honour to be on the other side of it!!! i love them as lovers too but i've really come to appreciate the family take more haha.

i'm a very new ace attorney fan and so it's really been an honour to have so many oldies tell me that the perspective i bring is not only insightful but also new! the whole reason i was empowered to make the fran video in the first place is because my metaposts (which i thought were pretty plain and baseline analysis) got a ton of comments where people were like "no stop i never thought of it like this--!"

that's so exciting! it's so cool that sharing my thoughts has a place here at all! thank you so much for watching!!!

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