billy’s like ‘SAY YOU’RE COOLER THAN NAMOR, TEDDY!!!! i’m trying to WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH MY FAMILY!!!!’
and teddy’s just like, ‘but i’m such a fan of his work! he’s so cool! i just think he’s the bee’s knees, billy! what i offend him and he DROWNS MY SPACESHIP(S) AND DOESN’T SIGN MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK?’
teddy is not the husband you go to when you want to look cool. he legally can’t even say ‘fuck’ or ‘goddamn’. he says ‘frick’ and he canonically says ‘goshdarn.’ he’s canoncially the goodest boy in the universe and he is really bad at lying and has a very low opinion of himself despite being a space emperor / king that has united two warring people by virtue of being reallly? nice?
he’s the kind of husband that impresses every member of your family with his kindness and consideration and tries. devestatingly hard to do so. but in a cool-tempered way where externally it looks like he is putting low effort into things but actually he is trying really hard to do anything at all but also not panicking about it, more like, swinging wildly from even to end like ‘okay! this is happening now! okay! sure! lets go! maximum effort!’
i feel like teddy is the kind of person that... when nothing is happening... he just kind of. turns off and gets depressed and just thinks about how miserable he is. so when things happen! it’s like! exciting! yes! go-time! he doesn’t panic, tho sometimes he gets nervous and dumfounded, bc when he’s taking care of other people he feels good and necessary & whole. when he’s NOT taking care of someone, not taking care of the universe---he feels useless and bad.
he’s one of those anxious people who will go ‘i can’t do this for me. but i can do it FOR YOU no problem.’ but instead of reacting to anxiety with fear, he just bzzt teddy no longer working going to hide in his room and play switch. just shuts down. and that’s why it’s easy for him to believe that billy might have accidentally created him. he doesn’t know who he is when he’s not taking care of billy and the young avengers? he doesn’t feel whole without him? and when he’s not there, not there to be ‘on’ for... teddy just kind of crumbles and thinks about nothing except how much he sucks and how boring he is without billy & the young avengers.
(this is not to say teddy ISN’T boring. he kind of is. his favorite character in game of thrones in 2013 was TYRION. like. he is a very generic nice-boy nerd that likes animal crossing and reading gen fanfic and his favorite food is pizza and he very likely is a product of tumblr ‘frick frack’ and ‘pizza rolls not gender roles’ and ‘pupper’ culture. he’s not going out of his way to be interested in anything deeper or even more thoroughly than that. which is not to say YOU’RE boring if you’re into any of those things, just that. you know. he maintains a certain degree of mainstream nerd that charm that doesn’t get into any specific niche or area of research that would make him a particularly interesting person to talk to about anything, which is another one of his problems---teddy altman plays the therapist, or he lets many conversations die after bad lies, resulting in loneliness.)
teddy LIKES working hard and being polite and taking care of people and impressing moms aunts grandmoms and little kids. teddy LIKES being the voice of reason, the common sense, the cool head in the face of danger, the springboard to jump ideas off of---but never the one with the ideas. it’s when he’s NOT doing those things or being those things that he gets anxious and in his own head.
teddy altman can do ANYTHING. literally shapeshift into ANYTHING. be anyone or anything u need him to be. as long as its for someone else.
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"I learned HTML from the Neopets forums where I argued with other eleven year olds about which Avengers and which X-Men should kiss,” Teddy says, very slowly. "But just because I’m a millenial and a space refugee slash shapeshifter... doesn’t mean I know how to diffuse an alien bomb.”
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open starter: TEDDY KAPLAN-ALTMAN, KING OF SPACE.
“Being King of Space? It’s great! I mean, well... In a lot of ways it’s different than I ever expected to be. And I didn’t really expect much. It’s a lot of responsibility, but the responsibility is kind of... repetitive. I spend a lot of time telling people they can’t kill each other. Most of my time is spent doing that, actually. And most of the Krees and the Skrulls... really, really want to kill each other, so it’s like. It’s harder than you would think it would be? But it’s fine. Mostly. I’m doing a pretty good job, I think.”
“How are you doing?”
open starter: TEDDY ALTMAN (pre-v2)
“I have discovered a depression solution to the previously thought to be unsolvable conundrum of not wanting to get out of bed to eat or do things you enjoy,” Teddy says proudly. “Simply absorb the lyrics to Ariana Grande’s 7 rings into your heart & soul. But pretend that instead of talking about diamonds and hair extensions to the club-ifed sountrack to the Sound of Music---she is talking about basic life necessities.”
“Full meals. Water. Showers. Self-care. Getting out of the house to hang out with my friends. In the immortal words of Ms. Grande---I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.”
“That’s called visualization. I’ve been reading about it in Mrs. Kaplan’s therapy books. While watching way too many family friendly movies with my future brothers-in-law.”
Teddy, breathe. Just breathe. Listen, hold my hand. Can you feel my hand?
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the magicians → 2x05 || 3x05 || 3x12
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billyteddy wedding(s) winning the glaad award i’m 🤧🤧🤧🤧
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WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES: TEDDY ALTMAN!
tagged by: @skiidrow
tagging: @irnmaidn @conduitandconjurer
the chains binding you to the prison floor smell faintly of kerosene, and they're wet to the touch (only if you think about it). how long has it been since they clipped your wings? you hate how useless you are when you can't do anything except sit still and look pretty. why has nobody come to rescue you yet?
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TAG DUMP. / Teddy Lupin. 🧸
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laughter + teddy
Teddy Green loved laughter. Loved hearing it from his family and friends. He knew exactly when they were faking it and when it was genuine, that was how well he had listened to them over the years.
Teddy loved telling jokes, doing dumb stunts, pulling funny faces - anything to make someone laugh and brighten their days. In the last couple of years before graduation, things hadn't exactly been great. People in Riverdale kept dying, being beaten, robbed. Hiram Lodge worked like the Devil to raze the town to the ground. Betty had cheated on him with Archie.
For the first time in his life, Teddy didn't feel like laughing. Didn't feel like there was anything that would ever cheer him up. There was nothing, no one, who could make him feel better. And Teddy didn't like feeling like that.
He was still staring Betty's instagram account. There hadn't been many new posts, she was too busy dealing with her brother. He was staring at old photos of her. She had deleted the ones of them together. She had moved on so fast. Teddy hadn't expected that. He thought they had something special. Two years down the drain just like that.
Teddy sighed, exiting the app and putting his phone on the nightstand. He dropped back into his bed. He hadn't talked to anyone in weeks. He knew people were getting worried so he'd sporatically send out texts - sometimes a short voice message. He'd go downstairs to get some food, avoiding his mom and sister in the process.
Truth be told Teddy didn't want to hear them slander Betty anymore. He didn't bear any resenment towards her. He bore resentment towards the things she had done. Things that had blown up their relationship. He also didn't need to hear Dot swear she'd kick Betty's ass or Kippi calling her a whore.
He just needed quiet. Peace and quiet. And something, anything, to make him feel happy again. It was no surprise then, that when Maddox and Reggie called, telling him to get his ass out of his house, he actually listened.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Teddy 'Can't Pick Up The Phone' Green. Where the hell have you been?" Maddox asked, throwing his arms up.
"Bawling into my pillow. Stalking my exe's insta," Teddy admitted instantly. He didn't feel like being witty.
Reggie scrunched his face up in disgust. "Dear God, Teddy, don't admit that to anyone when we go out."
Teddy knitted his eyebrows together. "What?"
"Yeah, buddy. We're taking you out," Maddox chimed in.
Teddy sighed. "Don't," Maddox warned. "I don't want to hear it. Betty betrayed you. It's been weeks and we're about to graduate soon. You need to get over it. And that won't happen with you moping around. So we're going."
"She could be there. Wherever we're going."
"We're going out to Centerville, dude," Reggie assured him.
Teddy crossed his arms in front of his chest. "For real?"
The boys nodded. "To the carnival," Maddox said.
"Guys night," Reggie added.
Teddy contemplated it for a second. At this point anything would be better than moping in his room. He nodded. "Okay, let's go then."
He walked up to them. Reggie put his hand on his chest, shoving him back slightly. "Woah, woah, woah, dude. You need to shower first. Put on some fresh clothes."
"Yeah, Ted, you reek," Maddox added with a smirk.
For the first time in weeks Teddy broke out into a fit of laughter. "Ya'll aren't supposed to be mean to me. I'm in a fragile state."
"Get your ass into the shower already. We'll raid your fridge in the meantime."
TAGGING: @hughstheforcelou @firsthorror @eddysocs @raith-way @foxesandmagic @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle
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starter for theodore larsen !
❛ not all good looking people are cool. ❜
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Idly she twirled a pink camellia flower between her fingertips. She’d snagged it from the shop earlier before heading home to meet Teddy. They’d gotten the pleasantries out of the way earlier and now Lizzie was stuck in her thoughts again. And of course, they revolved around one woman who was also the reason for her picking this specific flower to take home today. Normally, she was against killing such things but she wanted the confusion and the want to go away. It had been distracting, being so caught up in someone else, and it had never happened before so why was it happening now? Not for the first time, she wished her father was here to talk to about these things. He, more than anyone else, always understood her. Too bad none of it it was as simple as killing a single flower
Realizing that she wasn’t being much company right now, she immediately dropped the flower to the table in her living room and turned her attention to her friend. “I’m so sorry, Teddy,” she sighed, bringing a hand up to run over the top of her ponytail, “I realize I’m not being much company right now. I’ve just been completely in my own head lately.” @rcncgaades
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OC TROPE CHALLENGE
Day 16: Doppelgänger Dating
Joy caressed Aiden’s arm as she stared dreamily out of their bedroom window. “It still feels surreal knowing that there is a doppelgänger of me out there that’s dating one of Misty’s friends.”
“They’re not dating anymore, babe,” Aiden reminded her.
Joy sighed. “Still. It’s weird. And she’s younger than me too.”
Aiden’s eyes widened. “Please tell me you’re not thinking this is reeincarnation.”
Joy chuckled. “No, honey,” she said, sitting up to face her fiancée. “She’s not that much younger. And I never actually died, mind you, just traveled back in time.”
“Well, I’m not even sure you’re not posing as her to live a different life every once in a while.”
Joy scoffed. “Please,” she started. “As if Betty Cooper’s life is so much better than mine. Her parents are arguably worse than my father ever was and she apparently got hunted by a serial killer every few months. I’m good with my fucked-up life.”
Aiden pulled Joy closer and into a hug. “I’m good with our fucked-up life as well,” he told her. She smiled up at him. The two shared a kiss. When they pulled apart Aiden had a questioning look on his face. “I still want to know how you two look alike though.”
BONUS (OLD SCENE EDIT):
TAGGING: @hughstheforcelou @firsthorror @eddysocs @raith-way @foxesandmagic @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle
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- @aricnagrnde [For Teddy]
Dandelion was certain that the guy she was sitting next to was the one Winnie was cheating with. She didn’t know how far they had gone, but knowing Winnie it was probably far enough if they were traveling together. She took a moment to collect herself before she opened her phone and took the picture of their previous aniversary. “Hey you.” She said to the stranger. “You are hooking up with my girlfriend.” She showed him the screen of the pair kissing eachother. “You are here with my girlfriend, on our aniversary and I’m not okay with it.” She looked at the blond from a distance. “You can decide what you do with that info.” She picked her headphones and started to listen to music. She didn’t know the guy, he coud be another victim of Winnie. Wouldn’t be fair to put the blame on him.
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actually the english pronunciation of literally anything in the english dub gives me physical grief
SECRET 🎅🏻 ( @starredskins ) !
for the past month, julian had questioned his decision to participate in the town - wide event. he was broke, a known hater of all things christmas, and more pressingly, disappointed with the name drawn. theodore larsen. although not due to a dislike, or anything else of the sort, rather the easy feat it’d prove. he knew teddy. and even if he wouldn’t admit it aloud, teddy was his friend. making it a blasé task as a whole.
“ so, like—i’m your secret santa. surprise. ” an envelope tossed his way, julian waits until it’s unsealed before continuing. two tickets to jerry seinfeld in minneapolis next year. “ i think he’s pretty shit, but… to each their own. you can take your mom, or yoko. ”
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saltcauldron’s list of content
what is UP my ttrpg friends, here is a list of the stuff i am DOING i will try to tag things to keep things easy to navigate:
Entropica: set in a deep and ancient forest made up of overlapping demiplanes, the players are members of the various Courts of the Entropica. Part of an unprecedented alliance to address the fracturing of the forest’s planes, the players are to seek out one of three Wanderers, planeshifting cartographers who have sentience only in relation to their purpose: mapping the Entropica. From a beach cave society of gemstone dragons where beauty determines political status, to a community of shrubbery monks whose arms are never seen, the Entropica is filled with chaos, whimsy, danger, and unknowable forces applying pressure to the foundations of the forest itself.
PBP, level 3 start, has spectators, starting after TGMB, start with a feat.
Inspo: the Faerie Fire 5e supplement, that one iguanamouth comic with the huge deer in the deep forest, my desire to run several distinct genres and adventures within one campaign, my love of distinct biomes within games, and my love of fantasy RPG video-games.
The Grand Martini Ball: disaster before the party! Players are workers in the palace of the Most Illustrious Grand Duke Aloysius Martini, and Grand Ball is in 3 days. Players are instrumental in pulling the Grand Ball together – they are the Kitchenmaster, the Curator of the Grounds, the Fool-in-Chief, the Palacekeeper, the Guardian-Commander, and the young Duchette. There is an organizational disaster brewing – the Lord Mage has been absent from the Palace for several days now. As the staff member in charge of spectacle and whimsy at the Grand Ball, their absence is sure to mean a calamity of boredom and mediocrity for the guests. You simply must find the Lord Mage before the Grand Ball, as well as finish all your preparations. The clock ticks, the party approaches. Can they save the Grand Ball?
PBP, levels 3-6 (I think?), has spectators, will start relatively soon, start with a feat, ASIs + feats
inspo: needed to run something less colossal in scope than Entropica before doing Entropica, because I am a relatively new DM and braaaand new to pbp. very shivering isles/sheogorath in flavour.
Teddy Sangria (they/them) [Glitterhearts - PBTA]: star sparkleball player, best friend to absolute hottie Lyla who they may have a secret crush on, devourer of pancakes, the Most Solid Dude* *otherwise not a dude, transforms into a superhero called Lightfall (power: takes no falling damage from any height) as a member of the Glitterhearts. This is a voice game and it rips my heart out every week. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. We keep making it more and more tragic and i usually need like a 5 hour nap after a session to emotionally recover.
Hexi (HessElmthi'anwae Telve'thorrillain of the Glorious Springtime) (she/her) [Fae Divorce Court]: Head intern at the fey law firm running Titania’s case in her divorce from Oberon, Hexi is a grave cleric with goth corporate energy and a bitter hatred of smiles, privilege, and her colleagues. This is the prep game for Elantris......... so it’s nonsense, to counterbalance the pure despair that Elantris will be.
Iskar (he/him) [Elantris]: what a man. With charisma so bold and lively you’d think he was a bard, Iskar is so hot, so fun, and the definition of silver-tongued. Iskar is lvl 14 Undead Warlock whose patron is a Saint who was forcibly Unbound by the Lich (the Elantris bbeg), and has fallen to the world below as a result. Iskar was in the mob most of his life, breaking away only when the Boss became increasingly sadistic and crazed at the influence of the Lich cultists. Iskar and Wrenara, the only trusted colleague (and barbarian PC of the party), fled the mob and were in hiding for a few months before joining the party. Iskar is married to a wizard called Nihilum who they met on a party quest to escort him, the elven wizard princeling, in their early days as an adventuring party. They were both repressed or timid about their crushes on each other until Amos died... After that, Ni stumbled through an ‘i like you’ speech and they dated for only a lil while before Iskar proposed, and now they’ve been married for years. I love them. And they’re all gonna die.
Riolitha the Kitten Witch (she/her) [Ghame]: ghibli game!!!!! a voice game i am so excited to start!!! Rio is the sweetest little preppy witch with anxiety and a Russian accent and little to no impulse control. she is a Coven Warlock (check out that supplement its OP but fun, we’re modifying it), whose Greater Familiar is a huuuge magical cat called Kitty. she used to live with her adoptive grandmother, who was the village witch, but granny passed about a year ago. Rio is doing her best to fill granny’s shoes, but she struggles to interact freely with the townspeople, and is far more task-focused than people-focused.
Tahnyeh (they/them) [Nyx]: THE WILD RIDE! Tahnyeh is a white dragonborn who lives in a dragonborn settlement in the harsh deserts of the world. Nyx is mostly night with a few hours of daytime, and in the desert those day hours are incredibly dangerous. further, very few people in the known universe have daysight. Tahnyeh had been attending to the Undertaking, the way of dedicated monk-esque life that their people considered part of what it takes to eventually become an Elder of the community. The settlement had long been subject to vicious attacks in those daylight hours by colossal daybeasts, who would swallow houses whole. In one of these assaults, Tahnyeh was with the others of the Undertaking, and their family’s home was devoured with their family inside. Tahnyeh abandoned the Undertaking, seeing an immediate and dire need for someone to do something about the daybeasts. In order to face no detriment by the daylight, Tahnyeh blinded themselves and took an Oath of Vengeance. they now run a small unit of young paladins who all have followed the same path, blinding themselves and relying on other senses to slay rampaging daybeasts in defence of the community. it is canonical that Tahnyeh can standing backflip from any surface including soft sand.
Pumpkin Boy (tbd) [The Astral Express]: truly wish i knew Anything about this campaign, which is a rotating cast game set on a big astral train! thus far i know that Pumpkin Boy (placeholder name) is a fuckboy from the Pumpkin King’s Court of Autumn.
Steve (he/him) [Fight Club Lvl 20 PvP]: just a dude called steve. he’s 17 astral self monk and 3 ranger for adv on initiative and favoured enemy attack bonuses. our DM made the mistake of giving us all a rare item. steve has daern’s instant fortress.
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When I said he packed his whole dang house, I meant it. Dude packed a singular apple.
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