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mimiwrites2000 · 4 years

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I Don't Want to Let You Go

AO3 ~~

Pairings: Armin x Annie

Words count: 4314

* spoilers for chapter 131

Summary:

The rumbling started, titans were stomping people to death all around the world.

The world was ending,

But they were on a sailing ship, trying to save whatever they could reach, they were on the desperate mission of stopping Eren.

But Armin found himself tangled in Annie's embrace, inhaling her scent, feeling her warmth.

Chapter 131 one-shot.

“Why did you bother talking to a rock that couldn’t so much as grunt a response back to you?” Annie said, as Armin sat next to her, leaning against the railing of the ship, heading to the unknown.

“Huh?” Armin was caught off guard; it didn’t occur on his mind that Annie would talk about this…

“There… must have been more fun and cheerful girls out there, right?...” Insignificance laced Annie’s tone, but to be fair, this was her usual speaking tone.

“That’s…” Armin’s cheeks heated up, “No…” he tilted his head down, thoughts were buzzing inside his head, he had two choices; either wave Annie off and not answer her question, or to break down his walls and be honest with her.

Armin tried to come up with a third option, anything to avoid this conversation which was morphing into an awkward discussion of the past, but he couldn’t. He put his hand on his head, covering his face from Annie, and whispered: “Annie, I did it because I wanted…” a pause, “…to see you…”

Armin was sure that his face was bright red, he could use a dip in the freezing ocean to cool himself down, but the ocean might evaporate into a desert and his face would still be on fire.

Annie glanced at Armin, her eyes widened, when she noticed his red cheeks from behind his arm, she averted her gaze, hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in her crossed hands. She didn’t get it, or she might have, but she still didn’t get it-

“Why?” Annie asked, she heard shuffling beside her, and she was certain that Armin was staring at her, but she didn’t trust herself with looking at him, not right now…

“Huh?” Armin had no idea if Annie was serious or not, “do you really not get it? Even after Hitch teased me that much?”

A moment of silence passed, Armin watching Annie hunched on herself, her face completely hidden from him, he waited patiently for an answer, a grunt, a gesture, anything to make this less awkward-

“I don’t,” Annie whispered, her voice barely audible, she tilted her head the tiniest bit, allowing Armin to see her face.

Annie’s flushed face, how her eyebrows furrowed in… shyness? Her fingers clutching her legendary hoodie, and how her hair framed her face, slightly brushing her cheeks with the salty breeze.

Armin’s heart skipped at least three beats, he forgot about how awkward the situation was, seeing Annie like this, a blushing mess, nervousness aura emitting from her, curled in a ball, he had to muster all the power he had to stop himself from scooting next to her and engulf her in an embrace.

But he didn’t dare to move a limb; Annie showing such vulnerability was enough shocker for him already, enough to freeze him in his spot.

Five minutes passed, or maybe ten, or half an hour, silence the only thing shared between the pair, no words uttered, the seagulls cowing was their only companion.

It was unfair, the tranquility they were having, it’s unfair.

Millions of people were dying as they were sitting helplessly on the ship.

Annie couldn’t decide if she was imagining the thudding of the giant stomping titans’ feet or if it was distinctly audible from all this distance, but it didn’t matter, it was happening after all.

Father…

The brim of Annie’s eyes burned with tears threatening to fall, she closed her eyes, refusing to breakdown again, took a deep breath and said: “Really… what… are we doing?”

“right now… millions and millions of people are being trampled around the world.”

Stop, why are you telling him this-

“what…”

Bottle it up, like you’re used to-

“are we even doing?”

Armin’s eyes softened as he contemplated Annie, her back curved, he wished he could see her face… Armin couldn’t come up with anything to say, so he ended up with muttering a petty ‘yeah’.

Annie straightened her back, she looked forward, watching the horizon, the line where the sky and the ocean collided in flawless congruence, she said: “Now I get it, you’re a good person, and that’s why you were even willing to talk to an enemy like me, right?”

Annie finally turned her head and looked into Armin’s eyes, guilt sparked at the bottom of her stomach when she saw the dark circles around his eyes, she shouldn’t bother him with all this useless talk, nevertheless, she continued.

“It’s the same reason you won’t give up on having a dialogue with Eren, that’s what drove you to bother with a monster who could wake up at any moment.” She paused for a second, studied Armin’s face, “you wanted to avoid conflict… right?”

Armin’s heart dropped in his stomach when he saw Annie’s stoic eyes, even though he was used to this aspect of her, but it hit him different… after what she said… he couldn’t hold her gaze anymore, so he watched the floor instead.

Disappointment couldn’t be hidden on Annie’s face when Armin avoided her with his eyes, you should’ve shut up from the beginning…

Faking satisfaction with Armin’s silence as an answer, Annie stood up, wanting to be anywhere, but not here.

Armin’s hand shot up and held Annie’s wrist, halting her before she moved away. He waited for some time, waiting for Annie to kick him away, but she didn’t, so his grip only tightened more, holding on to her.

“Sit down,” Armin said, he didn’t intend for it to sound like a command, and he didn’t know how Annie took it, “also… I know I told you this before, but I really don’t like being called a good person after all.”

Annie’s eyebrows rose the tiniest bit.

“I’ve killed a lot of people,” Armin resumed, “not just soldiers… regular people… children… and…” he swallowed, “now I’ve made the choice to betray everyone living on the island where I was born and raised.”

Armin…

“I killed my allies… I’ve been a monster for a long time now.”

Annie stood there with Armin’s hand still latched onto her wrist, she didn’t know what to say… but she knew that now there was no barrier between her and Armin, now she could respond to his talking, and she found some kind of liberty in that… she slowly sat back down, Armin retreating his hand.

Armin wasn’t hesitant with pouring out his thoughts to Annie, he never was; he saw himself back in the basement, sitting on the cold stone floor, the dim torches illuminating the room, Armin talking out everything on his mind, as much as a response would’ve been better than the killing stillness; all he wanted was someone to hear him out, to understand him.

“Somewhere in my head…” Armin was still lost in his thoughts, “there was… a promise I made to Eren that we’d travel the world of the unknown, I thought…” he couldn’t cover up the desperation tone in his voice, “it would come true.”

Annie sat silent for a moment, now that she could actually respond to Armin, she found it harder than she thought it would be: “The world of the unknown…” she repeated what he said, “wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, was it?”

Armin’s eyebrows lessened, his eyelids dropping low: “No… it wasn’t the world we dreamed of…”

Annie saw the fifteen years old Armin in front of her, his hair longer, his features childish, she saw a boy upset that he couldn’t find the toy he was yearning to get in the toy store.

“But-” Armin continued, but the cowing of a seagull that landed on the railing beside him interrupted him.

Armin and Annie watched the seagull, its gaze atrocious, digging holes in them. They wondered where it came from… did it witness the disaster over the seas and found the ship as a refuge? Just how many people wished they could grow wings and fly away? To escape this awful fate?

“I still want to believe…” Armin didn’t steer away his eyes from the seagull, “that there’s still a world we don’t know about yet out there… past the walls.”

“There is…” Annie answered, Armin looked at her, and she held his gaze, “no matter how corrupted the world is, no matter how brutal the atrocities people commit, there is still some good in this world.”

Annie looked down, at where Armin’s hand was on the floor beside him, she stretched her hand, and slowly, very slowly, as if experimenting the feeling, she intertwined her fingers with him, her other hand stroking her shoulder, trying to ease away the foreign sensation rising in her.

Armin looked at their intertwined fingers, she was holding his hand, even though she merely mildly laced her fingers with his, he knew that his cheeks were flaming red again.

But he fought against it, and instead of withdrawing and careful to not shift in any way that could be interpreted as annoyance, he tightened his fingers around hers.

Promptly, Annie did the same.

For some time, they stared at their hands, it was a simple gesture that adults were supposed to be over it, but for them, for these two oppressed souls, who were from two different worlds, who met with the most horrible circumstances ever, who went through hell and back- this was new.

They both found a new sensation of relief from being with each other, it was somehow familiar, Armin (in addition to Hitch) was the most person Annie had as a company in her life, where no combat was to be seen, just a normal conversation.

A one-sided conversation, but still…

She started to think that even if she didn’t crystalize herself, she would have sat with Armin all day, if it meant to be in his company.

Armin looked at Annie, her eyes downwards, still inspecting their hands, he found it adorable how this fierce warrior has a soft side too, he had always seen her soft side, maybe he was the only who did, but for him, it had been forever obvious that Annie cared, cared too much.

Armin lifted his other hand up, stretching it towards Annie’s face…

Memories from one day in the basement flashed before his eyes, when Hitch caught him a second before he touched Annie’s crystal. At that time, he imagined what it would feel like to caress Annie’s cheeks, to run his fingers through her golden hair…

His hands were millimeters away from making this fantasy come true…

When Armin’s hand rested against Annie’s cheek, when he felt her soft skin against the calloused skin of his palm, he thought he might be dreaming, but when Annie looked up into his eyes, the blue of her orbs more radiant than the vast ocean around them, he knew it was all real.

Reddish blush dusted Annie’s cheeks, matching Armin’s. She studied his face, how his bangs stopped right past his eyebrows, the sun reflecting in his eyes, adding a twinkling shimmer to them, his jaw a little sharper than she remembered, his lips a little bit agape…

Armin tentatively caressed Annie’s cheek, he heard her swallow, so he made his touch lighter, gently moving his fingers over her cheekbone, touching the bridge of her nose, then moving his fingers over her eyebrow, to land back on her cheek. His fingers took this path multiple times, lingering on different spots each time.

The comfort Annie got from these small gestures was more than she would like to admit, if they had more time, she would probably ask him to do this over and over again, but a new sensation travelled in her body when Armin held a strand of her hair, twirled it twice, before he put it behind her ear.

Annie unconsciously placed the tips of her fingers on his roaming hand, feeling his knuckles move while running his fingers through her hair.

I can feel her, I can feel her…

Armin’s breath hitched in his throat when Annie leaned into his palm, and he felt special, pride swelled in him, he was the only one who ever touched Annie in this way, he was the only one Annie blushed in front of.

A part of him wished that Annie didn’t trap herself in that crystal, how life would’ve been like with Annie around? how would it have been if they had those four years for themselves?

Before thinking too much of it, Annie turned her head slightly, closed her eyes, and placed a kiss on Armin’s palm.

Armin stopped his movements, the soft lips kissing his palm was enough to send shivers up to his head, short-circuiting with his whirring thoughts, and ugh he just wanted to hug her, to embrace her into his chest and stay like that forever.

Instead, he leaned forward, parting her bangs sideways, kissing her forehead. His lips lingered there for a moment, he closed his eyes, memorizing how it feels like to kiss Annie Leonhart’s forehead.

When he pulled away, and saw how wide Annie’s eyes were, he thought she wasn’t alright.

“Annie?” Armin whispered her name, but she didn’t move, he called her name one more time, twice, but to no avail. He waved his hand in front of her face, and that gained a response from her.

Annie looked into his eyes, before her eyelids hooded her eyes, and her shoulders slumped back, her lips turned upwards a small pout. Then, she lurched forward, wrapping her arms around Armin, rubbing her face against his chest.

Armin was quick to respond, he hugged her back, his arms tightly wrapped around her, he inhaled into her hair, her scent was something of sugar. He placed sequent kisses on the crown of her head.

“I regret those four years, I regret that damned crystal.” Annie confessed; her voice muffled by Armin’s shirt.

“I regret letting you go, I regret that so much,” It was Armin’s turn to unleash his own confession.

Annie withdrew from his embrace enough to look into his eyes: “You didn’t, you never did.”

Armin brought Annie’s head into his chest again: “I did, many times, I did...”

Annie didn’t get what ‘many times’ he was talking about, and she decided to not push the topic any further, she only shuffled closer to Armin, her arms never letting go of him, as he rubbed circles on her back.

Soon enough, Armin heard Annie’s breathing slow down, until it turned into a deep rhythmic inhales and exhales, that’s when he knew that she fell asleep, in his arms. Armin couldn’t help the smile pulling at his lips, he rested his chin on Annie’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

~~~

“We should wake them up.”

“But they look so tired, Armin didn’t sleep in a few days.”

“Well, it’s not like we can just leave them here forever-”

“Ok! Ok!”

Armin heard voices speaking in hushed tones over his head, even though they weren’t quite enough to let him sleep. He slowly opened his eyes; the first thing he saw was a matt of golden hair scattered on his lap. He smiled, remembering the few moments before they fell asleep basically on each other.

“Are you awake?”

Armin looked up, he saw Jean with Connie, both staring at him with wide eyes. He nodded.

“We got some food, we thought maybe you two should eat something, we waited for you to wake up, but it looks like you could sleep for three days straight,” Connie said, glancing between Armin and Annie.

Armin chuckled, and Annie shifted on his lap, letting out a tiny groan.

“Alright, we’ll be right there,” Armin told Connie and Jean, who nodded in return and left them, Jean dragging Connie away.

Armin looked up at the sky and took a deep breath, he had no idea how many hours past, but he slept better than he had in weeks.

He watched the sleeping girl on his lap, her head on his thighs as her body curled into a ball next to him. He wanted to let her sleep for some more time, but it seemed that that wasn’t possible, he already felt guilty that he had to wake her up.

“Annie, Annie…” Armin gently caressed her cheeks, moving her hair away from her face. Armin had second thoughts about waking her up when he saw how peaceful her face was, no wrinkles between her eyebrows. She looked… serene.

He mildly rocked her body, and she cracked her eyes open.

Annie seemed annoyed at the light, so Armin put his hand above her face, shielding it from the sun light.

Slowly, Annie fluttered her eyes open, she blinked a few times, before she turned her head and looked at Armin, his head hovering over hers, the tips of his lips twitched upwards.

“Thanks,” Annie muttered, but she didn’t make any indication of moving away.

“You’re welcome, but we still need to get up,” Armin said.

Annie sighed and pushed herself up, Armin already missing her weight on him. She stretched her hands above her head, covering her warming face, and half yawned half said: “How many hours did I sleep?”

“I have no idea.” Armin answered, getting up and offering his hand to Annie, who accepted it.

“I didn’t sleep like this in years,” Annie thought, adjusting her clothes.

“Same goes for me.”

“Do you have some sort of a magical spell that you put on me?”

Armin chuckled, ruffling his hair: “Are you hungry?”

“I could use some food, but I’m not sure about that if it’s Hanji’s stew again,” Annie said, “alright then let’s go.” She walked off, but before she went far, Armin held her hand, stopping her.

“W-wait.”

Annie looked back at Armin, he was looking at the floor, she walked back to him, not letting go of his hand.

“I-I just need to t-tell you something…”

“Yes?” Annie’s heart accelerated in her chest.

“I…” Armin sighed, he rubbed the back of his neck, “I know this is hardly the time for this…”

“Yes,” Annie agreed, “the world is ending.”

“I-I know! That’s why I’m telling you this… listen, this might be my last chance, and I don’t care if I’m making a fool of myself, I just need you to know that I care a lot for you.”

Annie was speechless, her tongue was tied, and she forgot what words were.

With a sudden wave of determination, Armin locked his eyes with Annie and said, his voice firm and certain: “I need you to know that you are very important to me, and that… when all of this is over, I-I mean if we make it out alive, I would love to spend more time with you…”

Annie was quiet, she didn’t expect that, and she had no idea how to respond to that, so, she stretched her hand and put it on Armin’s cheek, she realized how taller he had become. Annie caressed his cheek, trying to come up with anything to say…

“Annie…” Armin whispered, he glanced at her hand, how her fingers drew circles on his cheeks, he thought the trace of the tips of her fingers burned a path in his skin, but it was pleasant, a pleasant sensation of sparks igniting a wild fire in his chest.

Armin’s hand reached out for Annie, having a mind of their own, cupping her cheeks, caressing them with his thumbs.

An abrupt motivation sparked in Annie, she remembered how comforting it felt when Armin kissed her forehead, and she thought it would be an adequate answer to what he told her, she stepped on her tiptoes, trying to reach his forehead, only to realize that the highest point she could reach was his nose.

Annie already felt embarrassed at her failed attempt, her thighs were starting to ache, so she settled with a stolen kiss on his nose.

Armin’s heart was beating in his ears, he was sure Annie heard it too, but he wasn’t nervous, he wasn’t afraid, for he could hear her heart rummaging too.

Annie staggered back almost losing her footing, but Armin was quick to act, he placed his hand on the lower of her back, balancing her against gravity rules.

Armin found his face a few inches away from Annie’s, her eyes blown wide. Armin swallowed, before he leaned in until his cheek rubbed against hers, he felt Annie’s hand hesitantly wrapping around his neck, balancing her weight while she pressed her frame into his.

Armin tangled his other hand in her hair, he could never get bored of how soft it felt against his fingers. He breathed in her scent and muttered, his voice breathy: “I want to, but I shouldn’t.”

Shivers trembled Annie’s nerves when Armin’s breath brushed against her ear, needles poking inside her stomach, she whispered against his ear: “I don’t get it.”

Armin pulled away to look at her face, because she gotta be kidding me, and she must have because there was no trace of confusion in her expression. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, her blue eyes that seemed more magnificent than the wide ocean around them, the dark blue hues streaking her eyes were addictively dangerous, Armin was drowning, falling falling falling with no ground in sight.

“You don’t?” Armin asked her, glancing at her lips.

“I… don’t,” she answered, stealing a look at his parted lips, her lips mirroring them and parting too.

Armin leaned a little closer, and Annie felt his breath brushing her lips, her knees were getting weak, she wasn’t sure if she could stand any longer.

“Annie…” Armin whispered her name one more time, closing his eyes before claiming her lips with his own.

Maybe time stopped as Armin kissed Annie, his lips gently rolling against hers agonizingly slow, hesitant.

Annie’s eyes were wide open, maybe Armin’s soft lips against hers invaded all her senses and paralyzed her, she wanted to close her eyes, to tangle her fingers in his hair, to kiss him until her lungs gave out, but she couldn’t.

Armin’s lips slowed down until they completely stopped moving, he didn’t want to pull away, he didn’t want to see the you shouldn’t have written all over her face, so he withdrew, not daring to open his eyes, his fingers around her waist were trembling, seeming to have lost their minds and now Armin was in control of them.

But he didn’t get to dull over it; Annie pulled him down, meeting his lips again, this time he was stunned, his mind stuttered as Annie kissed his lips, meeting his mouth with fierce yet tender kisses. His heart skipped a beat, her soft lips was the only thing on his mind.

Annie’s core weakened when Armin kissed her back, both rolled their jaws in sync with each other, savoring a taste from each other that no one knew was possible before, Annie relied on her locked arms behind Armin’s neck to support her weight, she couldn’t trust her knees, then she was aware of her fingers, how they skimmed over the short hair of Armin’s undercut, tickling the tips of them, and when Armin shuddered at her touch, her toes curled in her shoes.

Armin stole peaks at Annie each time he pulled away for breath, he wanted a proof that this was happening and not just another fantasy of his wild imagination, but the heat radiating from her body, her fingers playing with the tips of his hair, Armin could get drunk on her lips, on her scent.

A small throaty voice left his mouth, muffled by her lips; the shy Armin he knew all his life was long gone. In her arms, he was reborn, the hope in him reawakened.

He tightened his hold around her waist, leaning against her small frame, I don’t want to let you go I don’t want to let you go I don’t want to let you go-

But Annie pulled away, warm marginal pants fled her lungs, her face was flushed. When she opened her eyes, she was met with his endless ocean eyes, half-lidded, unbelieving.

Annie’s sight was hazy as she blurted out: “You should’ve done this long ago.”

~~~

“What’s taking them so long?” Jean wondered out loud, as he walked to where he last saw Armin and Annie, he woke them up ten minutes ago, and since they didn’t join them, Connie thought that they looked so tired they might’ve fell asleep again, and Jean was involuntary given the task to check on them.

“Hey-” Jean opened his mouth to shout out an insult or something once he turned the corner to where they were, but the shout halted in his throat, and his legs were fixed in their place.

Annie was glued to Armin, their hands around each other in an inseparable embrace, their faces flushed as they were in a deep kiss, unaware of their surroundings, lost in each other.

Jean slowly packed away, retreating the steps he took to where everyone was waiting for him. A part of him envied Armin, envied how he found comfort in someone else’s arm, despite the horrific past they had together. But the major part of him was happy; happy that Armin stepped out of his comfort zone and was with the one he loved the most.

Just what kind of courage Armin had to make a move? Or maybe Annie was the one who started this?

What does it feel like to be loved by the person you care about the most?

Jean didn’t find an answer to his question, he walked into the room where everyone else was almost done eating.

“You didn’t find them?” Connie asked, whipping his hands on the tablecloth.

“They are on their way.”

~~~~

Ok I hope you enjoyed this!!

I wrote this in one sitting, then edited it the very next day, so yeah my back already hurts lol.

I do think that some of this was out of character to both Armin and Annie, but what I think is that this is a situation new to both of them, something they've never went through before, of course we would see a reaction that we've never seen before too.

#aruani #armin x annie #armin arlert #Annie Leonhardt #snk #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk ch 131

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