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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

Note

Ok.. so I was unable to post this ask in the new format. So if those previously reached you.. I'm sorry .. now I really want to see a evil vs live fight. Maybe it's in daijis mind or they get separated. Also daijis the secondary rider right? Shouldn't he get an upgrade already? Ikki got many upgrade. Also why do you think Olteca kidnapped George? Again sorry if u got this ask several times. I am not quite sure the other ones which are the same ask reached you though:(

Revice & Intentional Writing Part 6

(The Daiji Analysis)

(TW: Mentions / talks of drug abuse / Suicidal Ideation)

EVIL vs. LIVE: And Why EVIL's Winning:

......nah, anon. I think this is the first I've gotten this kind of ask lol

Hmmmmmm evil vs live fight,,,,,, damn that would be fireeeeee

I think unless Daiji got a lot more assurance from his siblings, or like more love and confidence in himself tho, Evil would def come out as the winner lol

Kagerou,,, at the base of it all is Daiji's coping mechanism for his low self-esteem and enormous amount of self-hate

That's why Kagerou means 'Mirage'. Because Not only does he hide Daiji's actual feelings from others; but he ALSO hides them from himself (Daiji).

(honestly I keep saying 'oncE i poSt thE Ep 4 aNaLysIS' so because I've been clowning I'll just tldr; some stuff here for rn )

Right, I'll also paste in here the conversation I had with Nacho about the layers behind Daiji/Kagerou.

[LAYERS + our convo:]

me:

Like.... how Kagerou's name being Mirage (unless I got this wrong /mixed with a synonym. lmaoo) not only being representative on how Daiji sees himself as evil, because those traits seem to be the ones that stick out the most (evil/live thing) ---- while ALSO representing the fact that Kagerou is acting as a mirage for Daiji's self-hate; so when Kagerou says or doesn't something what he's doing is deflecting the truth with something justtttt close enough

---aka the idea that Daiji hates Ikki because he sees Ikki as an "attention-whore" when in fact its because Daiji hates himself for not being able to help Ikki / do anything himself and how Kagerou not only acts as a mirage to others on Daiji's actual intentions / feelings

(to some extent at least)

But that to Daiji ---he's being a mirage so that Daiji won't have to believe in the things that'll only lead to more self-loathing, things he doesn't want to believe or just can't in order to survive

Nacho:

All good man, you're right on the money, it's mirage. If this helps at all, it specifically means the mirage you see during severe heat, like a heat haze.

Me (reacting to the more specific meaning of Kagerou's name):

"Ooooooo. Fvcked cause those kind of mirages are made by the mind as something you wish was true...... so Daiji's thing with Ikki and the stuff that Kagerou says (to Ikki, about Ikki, just in general I guess), all being things Daiji WISHES were actually the case.

But y'know these mirages are always fake --- so its not just Daiji seeing the mirage, but also others seeing this mirage --So again, just shows that all the things they were seeing was actually just something fake.

And then, went off on an Ikki sidenote (lol)

"-yo sidenote, tell me if Im whackin in thinking this -- but sometimes the mom will say stuff to Ikki and I'm like 🤪🤪🤪. Like she says stuff about him.... not being empathetic enough, or something about how not everyone is strong and until he understands that he'll "forever be half a man"

Nacho:

LOL that's def a combination of Asian sexism and the classic single mom thing of "you're the man of the house" to their 5-year old son

Me:

"wayyy back when the episode originally aired I was like, "yeahhh mama san is RIGHT Ikki you gotta get ahold of urself" and now I'm like "Mama-san.....stop saying this to Ikki"

Nacho:

I've said before, like ages ago, about the whole thing of Papa-san being the goofball of his family of origin as a coping mechanism, and then it snowballing into his family as an adult not seeing him as reliable.

So it's basically like they have an absentee father in a way. Not completely, but they don't really see him as a parental role. That honor goes to Ikki of course "<33"

I mean Ikki did need a wakeup call...but so do the parents LOL.

Me:

oh exactly man like half the time I feel like the mom just says things

Nacho:

I get her. She says nonsense same reason Daiji does tbh. Gotta stay blind to keep functioning and not have a mental breakdown.

Like you said before. Y'know, you wanna BELIEVE Ikki's problems are easily fixable "hey just grit your teeth and get more empathy kid" and that your advice MEANS something, bc it means you have worth as a mother. Nvm that you never hold the dad accountable and delegated parenting to your eldest (plus sexism for your daughter blah blah blah). Anyways, if you keep believing that Ikki doesn't have issues that are your fault, never have to realize your mess-ups

It's basically Daiji and his heat haze LOL

Mama-san too must feel a lot of societal pressure to be a mother. She can't let herself realize her mistakes 'cuz that would really crush any self-worth she had. What's the use of a woman who can't find a good husband and be the perfect mother?

Me:

I'll never be over ep 9 of Revice. Everyone and their brother (hah) were literally driving Ikki into a mental breakdown. Like they were out there trying to speedrun it, and placing bets. Sakura getting mad at iKKi oooop. That one actually gets me.....mostly because she'd never been mad with him. and the stuff she said was just .....my Gosh---just shoot him man. With a gun. It would be more humane.

LOL...her whole "iKKi wHAT abOUT YOu??? WhERe dID Your NOSY-neSs go? HUh????"

Nacho: Oh Sakura, lights are almost never on in her mind.

Me:

I mean. I get it He's been the fix-er. The man of the house. The overparenting parent. He's not allowed to have mental breakdowns.

She's probably never seen him in that state before. So how dare he be like this when Daiji nEEdS hIM THe mosT

NACHO:

Yeah. It's literally the crumbling moment of becoming an adult. Realizing your parents are flawed and aren't superheroes And we all know Sakura's coping mechanism is to blow up a bit,

Nacho: See, like this is what I mean. Nobody ever apologizes for the right things

Me:

Yeahhhh.....see, originally I had this some problem with Ikki's apology to Daiji in ep 10 but upon retrospection....it was pretty good actually? Like if you have on the lens where Daiji wants to be relied on and trusted, then it makes sense---cause Ikki essentially apologizes for not believing or having faith in Daiji,;;; "You're really strong too, aren't you?" Originally -- when ur out here listening to Kagerou's nonsense You're like "lol Ikki.....it's nice that ur apologizing for not believing in ur brother. But this does not at all address the fact that you stole his dream from him" .......because if you see Daiji's hurt as "ikki became kamen rider, and stole his dream" then.... the apology just seems very lackluster? But if you see Daiji's hurt as him wanting to be relied upon, and trusted / needed thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn It's an outstanding apology.

[End of the relevant parts of our conversation, so moving back to the Daiji analysis]

[Kagerou, EVIL vs. LIVE as an Allegory]

basically -- Daiji's continual failure to believe in himself / to be helpful or in some way contributing to his family was/is literally killing him.

(Me and Nacho have talked extensively about how...if the Igarashi Sibs hadn't been accidentally conscripted to Kamen Rider Service, their future would have....not ended well. Drug abuse, and possibly even suicide -- and I'm not just talking about Daiji here....:/)

Daiji -- imo -- would be the one more likely to fall into drugs. In fact, more than once his Kagerou story-line has given me actual direct visual flashbacks to drug-related things storylines in other visual media I'd already consumed.

Like the episode 15 Non-con giving me immediate flashes of what an intervention / 'forced therapy' would look like

Then of course there's Kagerou's love for "spicy" things/food/curry, and how Daiji has to deal with the aftereffects (once Kagerou leaves) of eating something hot/something he can't handle that hurts him at least on some physical level.

Blah blah blah. I could write a whole essay on how Kagerou/Daiji is just one big metaphor & allegory for drug abuse. But we're not here for that.

I mentioned the drug allegory/metaphor because Daiji's character was on a downward spiral from the moment Ikki transformed into a kamen rider while he did nothing. Like....Daiji really *REALLY* does not like himself.

My main theory for Daiji is that (as I've already stated <33) he wanted to help Ikki (for and foremost) which is the reason why he originally tries out for a military organization.

He wanted Ikki to rely on him. He wanted to be someone that can protect, not just be protected. He wanted Ikki to see him as an equal.

It's why he doesn't trust, (*can't* trust) Kagerou's (or his own really) words, or decisions. It's because he has no confidence in himself or his ability to make 'good', 'proper', or 'responsible' decisions.

Ikki's smothering forced Daiji into a position of learned helplessness. And when you're always the damsel in distress and no one lets you handle things on your own (even when you want to) it teaches you that your opinions aren't valuable and that you have no autonomy or control over your own life. That you 'need' to be helped or something will go wrong.

This is why he's so quick to shut-down during times of intense stress. (AKA the opening ceremony from ep 1 being one example). After seeing someone who Daiji equates to being of higher authority (Hiromi) fails to use the belt -- he starts to think to himself:

If someone that high up, that power, can't do it....how can I?

And then he's paralyzed by the crushing terror of failure. He's never been in-control of his life, and now with this life-or-death pressure added to his already suffocating terror? Well, that's it. Game over.

He freezes. Shuts down. Error 404 Daiji's checked out for the moment.

Now imagine you're in his position. You choke when you finally had the chance to make your own decisions, and fail to do everything that motivated you into that specific career choice when it was finally *needed* from you.

Already.....already you could never do anything on your own...and maybe you thought 'hey, I can do this.' But now that you've failed so spectacularly and have to be saved.....AGAIN....well? Maybe your brother and sister were right. Maybe you really can't do anything on your own.....

This idea of being trapped forever in a position of having no power or control over his own life, forever playing the role of the helpless, useless (worthless) member of the family. That kind of stress would build, along with the self-hatred.

'Why couldn't you do it? Ikki can. Sakura can. Why can you never do anything? See? Someone got hurt today because of you. You failed and now they got hurt. You HURT them, Daiji. No...you're not useless....you're something even worse.'

(blah blah blah....you get the point.)

Daiji's low self-worth continued to fall, but he held out on the hope that maybe? He could transform too? Maybe Ikki *wouldn't* sign with Fenix and the position would re-open? Maybe-- maybe, maybe, maybe.

Yoinks. We alllll know what actually happened :D....

Falling into 'drugs' wouldn't be all that much of a stretch to see happening to Daiji. He had no outlet for this despair and self-hatred. So it just continued to consume him alive. And of course that stuff (drugs) would affect your personality and etc etc etc. Now, ignoring the drug allegory, no matter which way you spin it --Daiji's self-hatred would've harmed him in some way.

Hence, the split. Kagerou forms.

Now, Daiji doesn't have to worry about Ikki or feel guilty over his brother being put in this position (because of his own failures), cause Kagerou 'changed' or 'hid' these stressors from him. Now, instead of it being guilt it's rage and hatred. Instead of forcing Ikki into this position, Ikki pushed him out of the way and *stole* it.

If you listen reaaaaal closely and watch what Kagerou says, especially knowing that he's a "mirage" of sorts for Daiji, you'll see how Kagerou hides the truth within the lie.

(more on this below)

More 'proof' or I guess fodder for my 'Daiji wants to be needed, he wants to be helpful and useful, and so resents himself when he fails to help, protect, or lift others burdens'.

Would be Ikki's Apology in episode 10.

Now, at first I thought this apology was lackluster asf (lol). 'Well at least he apologized....even though he resolutely ignored that Daiji's angry at him for stealing his 'dream' not for Ikki lacking 'faith' in him.

(#oh.....)

Upon hindsight, I realize that....that was Kagerou's 'mirage'.

It was never about Ikki stealing Daiji's dream.

.........It's Daiji's guilt at not being able to help -- never being able to help. Of having to watch from the sidelines while people get hurt and you aren't able to do anything about it.

Daiji feels like he's responsible for this.

(I'd say its something like Survivor-syndrome....uh that thing where in a traumatic event where you outlive someone else, you feel guilt for living when they died, etc.)

Except here -- Daiji feels guilt for his lack of ability. Now, if Ikki gets hurt -- then it's *HIS* fault. If Ikki hadn't been at Daiji's ceremony, if Daiji hadn't froze....then Ikki never would have been put in the position of Kamen Rider. He wouldn't have to go out and actually risk his life fighting monsters.

So in 2 photos up, when Kagerou says lines like:

"You're the reason I was born, Ikki."

If you consider this being said by a "mirage".....the imaginary 'oasis' hiding the truth of the desert's hellscape....

Well, then it makes more sense to think that Kagerou is pinning the blame on Ikki, when in fact Daiji is the reason. But again, half-truths, because although Kagerou formed because of Daiji....it *was* in part because of his guilt over Ikki's situation, and his continued failure to be anything but helpless.

(ergo having to continue to rely on Ikki, continually burdening Ikki because of Daiji's failures, etc.)

"It was YOU who erased Daiji all along, ONII-SAMA!"

I find Kagerou and Ikki's conversation during their battle to be....really interesting....

I: "Do you resent me THAT much?"

K: "Daiji does, not me!"

Again, Daiji projecting the resentment he has of himself, onto Ikki. Kagerou hiding Daiji's self-hate by blaming Ikki instead (for Daiji). See, if you notice....Kagerou openly admits that *he* doesn't resent Ikki. 'Daiji does.'

Again, half-truths.

Kagerou doesn't resent Ikki...but neither does Daiji. Daiji resents himself, but Kagerou's 'mirage-ing' that from both Daiji AND Ikki.

Ikki's apology for essentially not trusting Daiji -- for not seeing his brother as an equal (because Ikki's the parent, not the brother), and his apology for not seeing or realizing that Daiji wanted to be trusted and relied on are enough to reach Daiji through Kagerou's veil of projected hate.

Of course, Kagerou beat the sh*t out of him (cause Ikki can't hurt his siblings.....not when he raised them......not when they're literally more important than his life) so Ikki isn't able to fight the remaining monster.

At this point he has no choice but to rely on Daiji. (And he's learned that his lack of trust was hurting him, so Ikki won't do that again.) So....he accepts the help. (Tho, he's not doing this for himself --- he's doing this for Daiji) and uh :D......Daiji's face after Ikki says:

"I'm counting on you, Daiji."

Idk. Combine this with episode 15, when Kagerou flips joyfully when Ikki summons him and tells him its because he 'needs his help.' (lol) The picture really paints itself.

So going back to what I said earlier about EVIL vs. LIVE dueling it out:

'I think unless Daiji got a lot more assurance from his siblings, or like more love and confidence in himself tho, Evil would def come out as the winner lol'

Daiji's learned helplessness continually shoots him in the foot. Kagerou then took that injured foot, ran with it ....right off a fking cliff. Since, Daiji doesn't know how to 'live' by himself / on his own (which is why his title is LIVE vs. EVIL) --- the traits that are really magnified during this time of him trying to learn how to ...idk literally 'live' I guess, are his worse-r traits.

His 'EVIL' traits. (His helplessness. And then when Kagerou actually manifested and tried to kill his brother LOL!!!!)

If you watch in episodes 11 and 12 -- right after the Kagerou arc, Daiji is so unsure of himself, that he waits to see what either Ikki or Hiromi will do before doing something himself. That's because he doesn't trust himself to make the right decision.

It's kinda fascinating to watch actually.

Like Daiji literally lets Hiromi tell him his sob story (that came out of no where lol) because he'd rather stop and listen to that, then to run off and start the battle first / on his own.

Or when he waits to see what Ikki will do about Sakura's Karate instructor. When Ikki commits to fighting, Daiji commits immediately afterwards. You can literally see as he dings off in his head 'ah so this is the right choice' lmao.

See, this lack of trust Daiji has in himself hasn't really gotten much better? Like episode 13 helped majorly, when Ikki trusted him to handle it

(though Kagerou showed up, so like 2 steps forward 3 steps back :'oo. )

And then it was also good (for Kagerou at least) in episode 15 when they ask him for help. But the lack of consent from Daiji is....not great to say the least. Really shows Ikki's 'parental override' over any opinion or say Daiji *should* have....esp in a matter concerning himself.

So for Daiji this translates into 1) them not respecting his say -- aka silencing Daiji's voice---and Daiji realizing that on some level.

And

2)"Kagerou" was preferred over "Daiji." Again, doesn't really do much to affirm Daiji's own self worth lol.

So basically Kagerou / EVIL would win in a fight between the two of them because Daiji wouldn't have the confidence in himself (which is why he didn't fight Kagerou back in episode 9, he verbally disagreed, but had no power over Kagerou) and Kagerou? Kagerou's all about his own self-interest.

While Daiji's drowning in doubts Kagerou's already got out the gun (basically.)

ANWAYS

I have NO idea why I decided to write all the above nonsense for this ask I'm so sorry LOL.

Yeah I believe Daiji IS the secondary rider. No idea about upgrades....honestly I'm curious too. I'm hoping for something amazing for Daiji and Sakura,,,,,mostly because I really like how the plots has progressed and so I feel like the writer...y'know....hasn't let me down yet (lol.....)

But I hope they get upgrades soon :O!!!

And for Oltecca kidnapping George.....no idea :D. My first guess would be 1) It's because George is the brains of Fenix's operations 2) to use George,,,,to....idk? Someone mentioned Oltecca perhaps getting George to build him a belt? Idk....lol

Oltecca strikes me as an opportunist. He might have just seen George out stalking for info, and was like 'wow....the golden goose out from its protected base in the sky.... >:)))'

Again,,,, no need to apologize for asks lol. If y'all sent in the same ask like 4 times I'd be like "lol what happened here :DD" and then answer the first one, and save the other asks for either

1) jokes, or

2) spaces to answer the same question in a different way or

3) to clown

LOL!!!

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empty-dream · 6 years

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Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 24

Anybody named Shirou in Nasuverse is destined to lament life in a burning landscape.

Wow Shirou talk about saintly heroic goal.

When a certain person aggravates you so bad, you see a mirage of him even inside the holy grail.

Back to Jeanne bullying session.

Shakespeare: “The waiting time is over!” *throws the pocket watch to a puddle*

This man’s level of extra is just unbelievable

Shirou comes out like a fucking supermodel on a catwalk

His Yu!Gi!Oh! phase is over now he’s into Bleach

Um why does he have to make that “MY WISH IS GRANTED” declaration as soon as he comes up

Red faction? More like Extra faction.

Well I only have like the very slightest clue of what materialization of the soul actually is but he explains it like he’s gonna make humanity a line of cheap mass produced goods

Wow rare handsome Gilles- NOPE NOPE NOPE THAT FISH FACE AGAIN

…. Why does he have to bring Sieg out again to draw any reaction from Jeanne?

Gilles/Shirou: “It’s a paradise for humanity...” Jeanne: “Uh I’m confused you might be right..” Gilles/Shirou: “And about Sieg-” Jeanne: “Nope don’t touch Sieg don’t even mention Sieg it’s cancelled your plan sucks”

Seriously why does she seem to worry only if Sieg’s mentioned when the entire humanity is at stake here?

Shakespeare, Shirou and Gilles sure are nice they wait for Sieg to run across the entire hall to reach Jeanne.

Jeanne: “You use your entire command spells?!” Sieg: “Uh yeah” Jeanne: “GODDAMNIT SIEG”

Guys save your cheesy romance for later THE ENTIRE HUMANITY IS AT STAKE HERE WE GONNA BE BODILESS BORING SOULS

Wow I miss Chiron and Siegfried :’

77 yo war leader and a 30s serial killer : “This world is evil” Toddler homunculus: “Objection”

Wow she is touched she even sheds tears aahaaahaaa...

THAT’S WHAT I’M WAITING, GO JEANNE!

Shakespeare’s copy of Gilles is way too real to be a copy and that’s terrifying.

Shirou you definitely haven’t heard that certain quote that says “We won’t know happiness if we don’t know sadness”

Hon, Shirou, you know the last person who wishes for his action to be the last murder on earth? He ends up killing the entire world in a dimension and actually causes a town-wide fire.

When your charisma is so strong your enemy’s servant copy actually joins your party.

Wow the music sounds good.

I still think she’s actually capable of coming to that conclusion herself with or without Sieg haha

Jeanne: “Stay with me,okay?” Sieg: “That’s why I’m here” Shirou: “ENOUGH WITH THIS SOAP OPERA!!!!” *raises sword*

Wowow she’s gonna do it she’s gonna do La Pucelleeeeee

“…I might have made a big mistake summoning Gilles. I should probably not have done that.” -Shakespeare

Wow her prayer is beautiful

We as species do not deserve Jeanne D’Arc

“Well it’s been nice having romance and all but now if you’ll excuse me, I have a humanity to save” -Jeanne

THIS GIRL IS ON FIREEEEEE SHE’S WALKING ON FIREEEEEEE

…. Why does Jeanne transform into 3rd stage outfit?? Mordred did that too last episode.

What is this, a fucking magical girl henshin?

So Magical Girl Jeanne uses sword as wand to fight. As in, she fucking holds it by the blade and shoots fire. How metal is that.

On the other side, I’m fucking happy they get it right this time the flower on the pommel blooms and catches fire

On the other other side, a long-haired girl in white dress wearing stockings wielding a sleek sword with overpowered boyfriend? Hm I feel familiar.

Wow he cuts his own arm to make a black hole? Talk about weird power

Shirou: “Don’t underestimate the power of 60 years old keikaku!!!” Jeanne: “FUCK YOU AND YOUR KEIKAKUUUUUUU!!!”

So it’s actually snowing outside or it’s just ashes?

“In the last breaths I take, I find that I don’t appreciate this seer power of mine.” -Jeanne

Thank God Laeticia is dressed it’d be fucking awkward if she’s naked when Jeanne dies.

*Jeanne dying on crying Sieg’s hands* Shirou: “So, should I strike right now?” Shakespeare: “Are you kidding me? Don’t! Wait until she dies!" Shirou: “Is she dead now?” Shakespeare: “Please just watch the spectacle, Master”

LMAO I feel bad for laughing

“I NOW UNDERSTAND BEING ANGRY AND I DON’T LIKE IT AND NEITHER WILL ALL OF YOU” -Sieg

Now in meme. Sometimes I think I’m funny, y’know.

Yay Astolfo AND CAULES enter the scene-

Astolfo getting chained, again

“I HAVE ENOUGH BEING CHAINED TWICE IN A SPAN OF MINUTES!!!” -Astolfo

Like I said, Semi deserves an applause to tank Mordred’s NP like that.

Semi: *Appears bloody, angry, screaming* Shirou: *is a confused husband*

Caules: “If you die, Astolfo will too” Sieg: “Well that’s why you’re present” Caules: “Fuck you I’m not a spare master”

I can imagine this exchange in A-1

Dude 1: "So what is for the climax of the story?" Dude 2: “Overpowered sword fight" Dude 1: "Easy peasy we did SAO we can nail it”

I like it that Shirou still fights using black keys.

Everybody: “What are you, Sieg!?” Sieg: I AM ANGRY”

Well that pissed off face is quite an improvement in emotion display, Sieg.

a flying FLOWER HOLY CRAP

OH SO THAT’S WHY CAULES IS THERE

SO HE CAN SEE FRAN FIGHTING ONE LAST TIME

AU where Fran’s lightning missed Sieg. But well he wouldn’t fucking survived his fight with Karna would he

“You were there. You were always fighting by my side all these times.” SOB I CAN'T

FRAN, CAULES, I LOVE YOU TWO

Wow it’s a flashy sword fight with a flashy debris and occasional flying swords and lightning

“WHY AM I FIGHTING DEAD PEOPLE!?” -Shirou

Shirou: “You are angry.” Sieg: “Damn right I am.” Shirou: “Angry is for kids. I discarded anger long time ago.” Sieg: “Then prepare to be iced by anger, you sonofabitch”

Is it me or a lot of the fighting dialogues are just enemies copying each other’s characters?

“I was shot in the heart by Reika, thrice. Don’t think a sword stab will do anything to me.” -Sieg

How to kick off Blasted Tree: Choke your enemy and declare they won’t go anywhere as they will be going to hell with you

Pros: Lots of aestethic scenes in this episode, CAULES AND FRAN, LA PUCELLE, pretty cool fight

Cons: Ep 22 is still the best

Sometimes I think SiegxJeanne is the more problematic version of ShirouxSaber which is kinda problematic too for some people idk.

NEXT: A Dragon Ball

#fate apocomment #fate apocrypha #random saying

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mitthroughmylens · 4 years

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Celebrating a peer role model, Marla Odell

#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone

Summary: No matter how good you are, there will always be someone who is better. Smarter, more eloquent, faster at grasping concepts, etc. The magic of MIT, among many other things, is the fact that people who are way out of your league make it easy for you to be vulnerable around them while acknowledging that you bring something valuable to the table.

Whether or not you get to be an MIT student, I want you to shake off that feeling of not being enough. In the words of Shonda Rhimes, “Nobody knows what they are doing. Nobody. Nobody is 100% sure and 100% confident that they know everything. Remember that you belong in any room that you enter. And if you don’t feel like you truly belong, act like you belong.”

———————————————

Marla Odell. A peer role model and dear friend.

I am not sure that I can articulate the way Marla makes me feel but I will try. It’s a mixture of awe and admiration, laced with a deep appreciation for the way that she makes everyone feel valued and welcome. It’s the feeling of being around someone far ahead of you in every way and yet who makes you feel like you have way more to offer her. The key thing to note here is that she NEVER makes you feel less than her- she has a sweet and gentle spirit, one that is warm and welcoming.

Most people don’t understand why I make so much noise about GEL. GEL nurtured me as a leader, for which I am eternally grateful, but the greatest gift I received was the opportunity to work with my Spring ELL team. That team was a fireeeeee team. From Riley (our GEL 2 coach) to Kaitlyn to Marla to Rayna to Russell to Ryan, every member of the team had a unique strength. Our team had a penchant for team spirit (I wish I had taken pictures on the days we dressed with a common theme 😭) and everyone’s unique strengths helped us to improve as individuals and as a team.

I still remember Marla’s warm smile every Friday. I had 3 classes before ELL and by the time I showed up I was exhausted. Every blessed Friday, right before we were given our engineering task, Marla would ask with a smile: “So how is everybody doing? How did your week go?” and we would go around sharing until there was a call to order. She wasn’t just asking for asking sake - she actually remembered things that people said and followed up in subsequent weeks. She was such a good leader that even when tensions were high, she had this unoffensive way of giving input that made you feel empowered instead of discouraged.

After GEL, Marla and I remained friends and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for the privilege of knowing her. Marla is a gifted intellectual. She has a deep understanding of interdisciplinary subjects and she is so good at clearly explaining ideas. But when you are in her presence, she makes you feel like *you* rather have something to teach her. Like you are a gift that she treasures (when in reality it is the other way round). My conversations with Marla have caused me to think critically not just about technical material, but also about how policies influence science and technology, and how they in turn affect the world.

One day, Marla invited me to a dinner conversation with a group of her friends. When I saw the list of distinguished guests (😂 listen, MIT students are very accomplished), I informed her that my imposter syndrome had left me leaning towards a no-show. This is what Marla said to me: “Jessica, let me start off by saying you are every bit as smart and thoughtful as ANYONE in that group. I really want you to come because I know you have so much to share with everyone else in the group. I am all too personally familiar with self-doubt, but please don’t let that be a reason not to come. I promise it will be a very warm environment where you can speak freely (or just listen to what others have to say). And you can leave at anytime if you aren’t comfortable.” After some back and forth, I ended up going to that dinner and it was an unforgettable experience.

Marla embodies the magic of MIT; the fact that there are so many brilliant, electrifying people around who are exponentially better than you but who are excited about learning from you as much as you are about learning from them.

#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone

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guccifloralsuits · 7 years

Note

Haylor always has so much pent up angst too I love it just for fun cause we go crashing down we come every time cuz we never go out of style

CUS’ HE GOT THAT JAMES DEAN DAYDREAM LOOK IN HIS EYE AND SHE GOT THAT RED LIP CLASSIC THING THAT HE LIKEEEEE but seriously there was always so much emotion in it and the songs that came out were straight fire. like. fireeeeee. I pretty much love it for fun too, anon. it’s the spice in between all these other wet bread relationships and rumors man

#haylor #Taylor swift #harry styles #answered

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onlyjihoons · 7 years

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Boyfriend!Renjun

Request: @his-ghoulfriend: can i req a boyfriend renjun pls?? thanks i loved your other versions!

helLo thank you so much for requesting and i’m super sorry this took so so so long as well!?!?!?? i hope this is good and i hope you enjoy it ❤

alright

i got a feeling that renjun w climb up my bias list after this

ok lets start

so how ya’ll met:

renjun was your mom’s friend-friend-friend-friend's son

and during chinese new year he came to visit your house

and wOaH hold on honey

this boy

is super cute

yet gives off a super model like vibe???

and ok you took the initiative to talk to him like

“hi i’m y/n! nice to meet you :)))))))”

and he SMILES with HIS TEETH

so cute

“i’m renjun, nice to meet you, y/n!”

and like

you were like

swallowed by his visuals like HOW cAN SOMEONE BE CUHOT

in case you don’t know what cuhot means,,

it means cute+hot

i invented it

you’re welcome

ok back to the meeting

you and renjun hit on instantly bc

1. you guys were about the same age

2.bc there were zero to no teenagers in your house except you guys

3. you guys had a crush on each other(!!!!)

and ya’ll kept talking and talking for god knows how long

and it was dinner time

so your mom invited his mom to eat huoguo(hotpot)

ngl renjun was super excited bc he LOVES hotpot

you loved it too but there was one drawback:

you don’t take spicy food

bc spicy food triggers the gastric juices in your stomach pretty badly

and every damn time you eat something spicy by accident

your tongue is on fire

FIREEEEEE OH EH OHHH

so yeah:(

when you guys tuck in to the food, renjun notices that you were way quieter than b4

when you were trying to flirt w him cough

and he grew worried so he asked why you aren’t eating much

and you said you couldn’t take spicy food

and his face FELL

and was super sad on your behalf

explaining how much good food you’ve missed

and like he even offered his non-spicy portion of food to you

to ensure that you’re well fed despite the spicy yet appetising food on the table

and your mom saw that and was like

huang renjun is my son-in-law ya’ll *sniffs*

ok and at the end of the meal when they left your mom pulls you aside like

“what do you think about that renjun boy?”

and honestly every time your mom tries to match-make you w other boys theyre gross af

but renjun is an exception so

“uhm he’s pretty nice,why?”

and your mom sHrIeKs

“OMG DAUGHTER LET’S GET YA’LL MARRIED”

i might have went a bit too far there but oh well

so earlier on ya’ll exchange numbers and when you’re about to go to bed renjun texts you

“are you sleeping?”

“i was about to though”

“omg im so sorry go sleep!”

“nah its alright omg”

“did your mom say anything about me when we left?”

and you were like oUH

and panicky

bc renjun could see if you had read his message on kakaotalk

and you kept thinking

“y/n?”

“she said she wanted us to get married”

aND YOUR FINGER SPASMED AND PRESSED SEND

rip

you rn:

“oMG omg OMG NONONONONONONOO”

but that was all in your head and praying renjun won’t judge u

ok irl renjun was bLUSHIING

bc he lowkey or highkey likes you

and his mom complimented how pretty you were

so he’s actually pleasantly surprised

“ahaha oh my your mom has wild aspirations”

and you heave a sigh of relief

“yeah she does”

fastforward 102947383 texts later

you guys are bestest friends

and surprise surprise ya’ll attend the same school as well??

its basically some bombass performing arts school

and you’re a dance major while renjun is a theatre major

idk which major singing was under so i put theatre

and there was one day your school had this project where dance majors and theatre majors would collaborate

like in pairs

you know where this is going right

you and renjun pair up ofc

and since renjun was decently good at dancing

yes this move ya’ll dancing genius im chenle 10/10

ya’ll decided to do a dance x theatre combi

of romeo and juliet

oH ahem

and like at first its all those uhm

therefore arteu romeo thingy

i don’t take literature forgive me

then it changes in to uhm

idk what song is this but something upbeat alrite:

smth like this

yoojung lee is my fave choreographer ok

yo and ya’ll blasted the showcase?!?!?!?!?

everyone was cheering

including teachers

and renjun hugged you(!!!!!)

and everyone went from

YASSSS SLAY

AWH OMG SO CUTE

and like

there were some sm scouting people there

and they saw renjun performing and singing

so they scouted him

and ngl you were so sad renjun was leaving china for his career and stuff

you contemplated wheter to audition for sm or smth

and he’s like

“i will visit you every month if there’s a break!!”

and at this point you were heavily infatuated w renjun

so you took the dive

“renjun”

“hmm?”

“i have been keeping this to myself for so long, and i like you”

renjun just stared at you like the world has fallen

and you panicked

“ah ah its alright uhm its just me, hahah, stupid feelings-”

that’s when renjun dragged you to a quieter area, like the store room of the school’s dance studio

and clumsy y/n lost her balance,,

gif:

and

“in case you didn’t know already, i like you too y/n”

and then

uk what happens

the kiss of fate happens

not going into detail bc its just an innocent kiss ok

that was when ya’ll confessed to each other

renjun at first may come off as dense

but he’s actually super clingy and cute

but not too clingy most of the time

most of the time

you’re studying in korea

while renjun focuses on practicing and his korean

ok can we just talk about his korean?!!? its so good and its almost on par w the korean members like it seemed like he has lived in korea for his whole life ok i shall stop

and you attend SOPA but its all good bc you are fluent in English too so language isn’t that much of a problem in school

but outside it’s a challenge cause not everyone speaks english or chinese

so you had to turn to the person closest to you

renjun

he would patiently explain to you what the sentences/phrases mean

and also encourage you when you make mistakes

and you improved your korean yay

and ya’ll go out on dates

i can prolly imagine those

ulzzang couple-ish vibe coming out

like renjun will sneak taeyong’s polariod camera in your bag

so ya’ll can take pictures of each other!!

bc like the memories are somewhat physical you know

like the actual picture

and when ya’ll go on dates renjun has a mask on

and you have a mask on too so he won’t feel lonely

but the challenge is

if he wants to kiss you its virtually impossible

bc you have masks on

and he can’t let dispatch catch ya’ll

so one day ya’ll were at hangang park eating ramyeon

and you took of your mask

then renjun took off his as well

and when you ewre about to tuck in he kissed you

and you were shookt bc he wasnt the type to show affection so openly

“what are you doing?!?!?!?!”

“i’ve been wanting to do that for so long, baobei”

i m w e a k

renjun doesn’t attend school in korea unfortunately(as far as i know)

but that doesn’t stop him from waiting outside school for you

ngl when he sees mark or jeno or jaemin or donghyuck

he gotta dashi run run run

bc they would suspect him

unless they arranged for an outing or smth after school

anyhow on one day they weren’t needed in school

but renjun said he had to go out to run some errands

but like mark left his textbook in school so he had to take it back for revision

so he was on his way to school like normal

and he sees renjun?!?

so he kind snoops at what renjun was doing

finds out that renjun is waiting outside SOPA

and agent mark 0208 whips out his phone, preparing to expose renjun when he goes back

but when he was about to press the capture button he sees you running towards renjun

and ya’ll:

renjun was like

“baobeiiiiiiiiii i missed you so much i can’t omg”

and you’re like

“huang renjun,, pls,, let,, go,, we’re,, in,, public,,,,”

agent mark 0208 was shookt

shookt

he clears his throat uncomfortably, making ya’ll push each other away

a little too forcefully

“renjun? you’re running an errand at my school?”

“no hyung, i just came to see my cousin.”

lies, renjun, lies

“oh really? i don’t know how close ya’ll are to call her baobei, and as far as i know, baobei means babe in chinese,, right??!?!1!11!!!”

oUh

silence

in the end mark just sighs and said

“just don’t get caught, okay?”

he just smiles and walk away, probably shipping ya’ll so hard

“who’s that?”

“its mark hyung, he’s the leader of our group.”

“are we gonna get caught?”

honestly you were super worried bc it could endanger renjun’s career and sour his ties with the company

and he cups your face like:

“baobei, no matter what happens i will always be with you, and i know i’m being selfish but i love you so much, nothing can break us apart.”

that was enough to assure you for the rest of your life for the rest of the day

thank you for reading omg

i really hope ya’ll enjoy this:-)

sidenote i have 2 drabble requests sitting in my inbox for god knows how long

but after i complete those my inbox will be empty again:(

i apologise if i do your request late as i have homework and it takes time to plan and write out the request

but still

request bc i love writing hehe

ok i love ya’ll good day/night💘

#fluffy writes #renjun #stan renjun #nct dream #nct fluff #nct scenarios

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