Ngl, what got me (F, 24) diagnosed w/ ADHD? Having more symptoms in common with someone who had a literal TBI (guest speaker in our class at college) and was explaining all the ways it affected their life (like the forgetting Constantly, inability to compare how you feel today vs two days ago, chronic misplaced objects, almost always living in a fog (perception of time, etc), emotions difficult to control - no noticed precursors to emotions, etc etc) than I did with the average person in the room who were expressing sympathy like oh that must be so hard, where I sat there like um, that sounds uncomfortably like me.
What nails ADHD as a *disability* to me is that moderate, easy to miss, underdiagnosed ADHD is comparable to the mental state from a TBI, folks. And all my life I’d just never been diagnosed because I “did well in 0-12 gradeschool”. (Thankfully, meds help me. I just. All along I’d masked too well for anyone to notice I needed help.)
The best way I’ve learned to explain it to folks who don’t get it is to say hey, you ever had a concussion before? Could you think? Form sentences? Understand what was being asked of you? Could you remember the color of shirt you wore yesterday? Because it literally is… so much like it. Just not in the painful way.
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And here are my Trina/Portia thoughts (they're a lot lol):
Trina's dramatic entrance being the official end of the wedding was both funny and a good choice thematically. Portia's undoing is ultimately going to come at the hands of her beloved daughter so of course it's her daughter, full of demands for answers, that brings her false happily ever after to a screeching halt.
Trina's anger at her mother leading her to even push back on Taggert when he tried to check her tone makes me think that she probably already had a good idea of the betrayal that Stella was hinting at but she had to hear it from her mother. Portia trying to make weird cracks about Trina "not getting any ideas" from the bouquet (girl what???) as she tries to maintain control of a situation she lost control of a long time ago was a great character quirk.
I wasn't really sure what kind of energy Portia was going to bring with Trina in this confrontation because she's been defiant when caught in her lies before. And at first, Portia does commit to her lie by telling Trina that she was so happy when "got past" her lying to Trina the first time. Except, they never really got past anything because Trina committed to transparency with her mother while her mother continued to lie to her face. Ultimately though, I do think seeing Trina that stressed out and angry finally broke her resolve.
I do think the moment that Portia loses Trina is when she tries to put the blame on Taggert being an inattentive husband for her decisions. As calculated as Portia has become over the years, I don't think she was that calculated when it came to Trina's paternity back then. I think all the decisions she made, from the affair to leaving Trina's actual paternity up in the air so she could choose, were emotionally driven decisions.
Curtis left her, Taggert was improving so in that moment she wanted Taggert to be the father and that's the narrative she went with. Later in life, her and Taggert are divorced, Curtis is there and now she wants to play family with Curtis and Trina like Trina isn't an adult because her preferred narrative shifted. I don't know if Portia was intending to put the blame so much on Taggert as she was speaking from the perspective of Portia in her 20s and what her thought process was.
The problem for Portia is that Trina is a daddy's girl as much as she is her mother's daughter. You can see Trina seeing through Portia's attempts to make herself the victim in the situation and despite Trina probably being the biggest victim in all of this, she immediately goes into protective mode over her dad. Trina isn't just outraged on her behalf but on her father's behalf as well and you can tell that catches Portia off guard.
It was really powerful to watch Trina in the middle of a self-admitted identity crisis defiantly say that Taggert would always be her dad, even if he wasn't her father. I do think that's a sign that Trina will ultimately make it out of this identity crisis okay because her instinct to define herself is still intact. We really saw today that Trina is the daughter that Portia and Taggert raised because Trina really gave Portia no quarter and knocked down every single one of her excuses. Trina really saw her mom for the first time and she didn't like what she saw.
The most heartbreaking moment of these scenes and probably the thesis for them was Trina saying that she doesn't know who she is anymore and immediately following that up with also declaring that she doesn't know who Portia is. Even though this is a story about paternity, so much of Trina's sense of who she is was wrapped up in her understanding of who her mother was. Trina took pride in being Portia's daughter and now she's finding out that everything that her mother presented herself to be was a complete lie. Portia is selfish, she's calculated, she's manipulative, she's a consistent liar. And she's still the mother that raised her.
That is the most important and formative relationship in her life that she can no longer have faith in because of Portia's pivotal decision. To say Trina is adrift is an understatement. Portia positioned herself as an infallible north star for Trina and now all of that has been completely tainted. I do think this story is ultimately about mother and daughter rather than either father. Portia gave Trina her last name, not Taggert's. And part of that was to keep Trina safe from potential enemies of Taggert's but I also think part of that was because Portia saw Trina as hers before either potential father.
You see it when Trina tries to leave and Portia yells "no" and holds onto her with both hands, while we see Curtis and Taggert looking on confused. Trina and Portia losing each other is traumatic for both of them. Portia has lost her daughter, the love of her life and Trina has lost her sense of self because so many things that she knew to be irrefutable facts, are now nothing but questions.
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Rant incoming concerning fatphobia:
I find it superrrr vexing and distasteful whenever someone threatens me with the 'do you want to become fat' thing. I understand that since my natural body frame is being thin, it'd indicate bad things for my health if I do become fat (if you're naturally born big, then getting bigger probably won't mean anything too bad) but I just deeply resent the underlying implication of it all. Like ofc it's better for me in a societal sense to be thin, especially since I don't have a thick skin to negative comments at all, but like?? If you want to scold me in order to make me eat more healthily, just cite health reasons! There's literally no reason to bring up fatness!! What's everyone's deal?? Is it a crime to be fat?? Smh 💀
Some ppl act as if ppl automatically become ugly when they're fat which is just blatantly untrue. And in the first place I'm not even particularly good-looking so it's not gonna be the end of my world if I get bigger. Ofc if being fat negatively affects me physically and/or mentally then I think those are good causes for concern but at least lead with that if you're truly concerned about me for god's sake
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Wilhelm and Shinobu Takatsuki as weird emotionally validating mirrors
Other than Prince Henry of Wales and Alex, FSOTUS from RWRB (Which is duh cause he's probably distant cousins with Henry cause European royalty is like that) the other rich guy teen queer I need Wilhelm to meet is Shinobu Takatsuki from Junjou Romantica(Which is a problematic af series do not read it but despite everything the Terrorist pairing salvages the best love story because they communicate their fears and their love but when it's 2015 and you google gay animes that was the highest recced and not warned about and I feel like I just aged myself). Their stories are wildly differently but I feel like they'd validate each other's terrible and anxious teenage years and emotions and also... Living a mindless life and being expected to continue that but finding the one person that brings you to life and although you shouldn't, you need it.
And they both know what it's like to find it, and to have the cruelest twist of fate turn it into an anxious thing. But to fight for it.
I feel like Wilhelm would hear about Shinobu's quote that is summed up to 'I'm super smart and sporty without effort, from a rich family, have no ambition, I figured I could attend uni, get a job, and get married and live a mindless life but I found the one thing that brings me joy and that's you! Is that so bad!' And be like I'm in this picture and I don't like it. He REALLY doesn't like it.
(Also Shinobu bby, yes, it's "so bad" because A. You are 17 talking to your sister's 35yo EX husband he cannot give into you and B. You were 13/14 when you met him. 14. And you had accepted you would never truly feel anything in life and that is HEARTBREAKING. Like it's Japan so of course it never flagged anything but that quote always tugs on my heartstrings so badly. Because he had written off the idea of love. And once he fell he would cross any line for it. And he tried to shut. It. Off. )
And that's Wilhelm. A prince. Good universities. An acceptable dating pool of ladies. Nothing that made him feel anything. And then Simon. And he even says it. He almost wishes he never felt those emotions cause once he had it he couldn't live without them. And he's willing to consider throwing it all away to keep Simon.
And they both TRIED. Wilhelm tried to let Simon move on-he did. He kissed Felice hoping to feel anything. Shinobu transferred to a school in Australia. Isolating himself from his family, his friends, his language, his culture. We don't know much about those years but I imagine he ran but anxiety and depression followed(You will pry the headcanon of Shinobu's rich brat persona hiding his depression and manifesting as a desprete attempt to get the only thing he truly wants: The only person he will ever love out of my cold dead hands)
I imagine he was very alone. Because he remembered the guy he stole glances at in the library, the guy, out of the millions of people, saved him from being mugged. The guy, who, ended up being his sister's husband to be in a marriage of conveiance. And that was their first official meeting.
So anyone would tell him, he's Risako's husband. How could he be crushing on Risako's husband. But he was the nameless man in the library first. He was Shinobu's before he was Risako's. So he never tells anyone, he just runs.
And anytime Wilhelm cries out, he gets shut down, because he has responsibilies and has to mature and live up to Erik's impossibly high shadow and this isn't a punishment but he never asked for it. He never asked for any of it. He just wants to be a boy who loves a boy. Just like Shinobu wanted that nameless library man.
And they both go crazy in love. Wilhelm announced to the world that that was him in the video without any warning the palace. Shinobu, upon his sister's divorce, suddenly transferred home to pursue her now ex husband. Wilhelm can still step down.
I can see them laughing and looking back at being teenagers in love with that recklessness of being 16 and 17, going "Did we actually do that? And that actually worked?" And it did. (I mean-we don't know about Wilmon but we know Wilmon will end up together). But also talking about anxiety and trying to move on and failing and breaking down in bedrooms that weren't home but was more of a home that their parent's home.
I can't wait to see Wilhelm and Simon as happy as Shinobu and Miyagi are in current manga.
I just need Shinobu and Wilhelm to be weird mirrors but validating mirrors in isolating times. Idk if I can get timelines to work or reasons why a Swedish prince would meet the son of a Japanese professor(although I always liked the idea that Shinobu's maternal grandmother was European, thus the blonde hair. I always went French but could go old money Swedish...?)
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Shiv and Roman calling each other bro/sis, see you at the hellhole literally makes me crazyyyyyy like they literally love each other and are brother and sister that is what they are im insane 🥹
LITERALLY they love each other so much
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