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#castys has been thriving
lassieposting · 7 months
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So anyway, things I've been thinking about this morning: Garrus Vakarian probably likes foreign films
Like.
Turians are the Proud Soldier Race Guys. They have an incredibly rigid, collectivist, by-the-book kind of culture, where every single individual is obligated to spend a good chunk of their formative adolescent/young adult years in the military, where Turian Ideals are hammered into them. So they don't seem like they'd have a big media scene glorifying tropes which go against their general cultural values - specifically, in this case, an individual going outside standard procedures to Get Shit Done on their own terms.
And this is a trope that Garrus loves. When we first meet him, he's sick of being the Good Little C-Sec Cop who follows orders and gets swamped with red tape and can't get the bad guy because Procedure Says No. He clearly sees himself as/wants to be the cowboy cop, detective-gone-rogue type, and he's got a pretty romanticised idea of what that would look like in his head. Bless him.
But. He's learned about that trope from somewhere, and I can't really see it being his own people. Especially with a father like Castis, who's so staunchly exactly what's expected from a turian. He seems like the type who'd have strong opinions about what his kids are reading and watching and being influenced by, because while he obviously loves Garrus, he wants him to grow up to fit a certain mould. The Turian version of the wish-fulfilment vigilante flick is the Spectre Movie, but Garrus isn't allowed to watch those, because Castis doesn't approve of Spectres being Outside The Law.
So baby Garrus grows up lowkey feeling stifled by the way society works, and maybe that's a problem with him, so he gets his head down and does his best to be a Good Turian and make his dad proud, and then he gets his discharge papers and goes to work for C-Sec, and suddenly he's living on the Citadel by himself, and he's got free time nobody is telling him to do X or Y with. He's basically moved away from home for the first time - the Citadel is not Turian-controlled, it's a thriving multicultural melting pot with plenty of people living there who don't exactly conform to Turian standards, he's got colleagues with interests he's never even heard of, and he's gonna start seeing new things.
Human superhero films and cop movies with lots of explosions and no paperwork. Small-budget Batarian short films about victorious anti-Hegemony rebellions. Even his own people's Spectre films. Some kid selling drugs in the wards has a Batman comic in his confiscated backpack? Garrus borrows it to browse on his lunch break. Some Salarian ex-STG operative publishes a memoir? Garrus reads it on the shuttle to work. All these people who feel like he does.
Like. Give me Archangel who regularly spouts lines from Batman or X-Men or Krogan Thunder 3 (or whatever the fuck else he's been watching) as part of his Good Guy Victory Speeches, that makes at least one of his multispecies team who Knows That Franchise pull up short and go "Oh my god, you're a nerd."
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brutal-nemesis · 3 years
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Decided to actually write this morning instead of starting minecraft immediately so you’re fucking welcome
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fossadeileonixv · 3 years
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Mercato Madness: The Final Say
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One thing is certain, you are not to soil this man’s name in this here house.
So the summer transfer marker of 2021 is over. 
Let’s take some time to rejoice.
Since banter officially began way back in the summer of 2012, I can recall few players, events, coaches, matches that have divided Milanisti quite like this market. We have some that are singing high praise for Maldini’s ability to capture eleven new players on an 80 million euro budget. Then we have others ridiculing a transfer strategy that culminated in Junior Messias as the answer to the right wing issue, hours before the window closed. The human condition is manifold, reason a flawed and subjective invention, and as such a definitive manichean yes or no, good or bad solution or explanation for nearly anything we can perceive and comprehend is inherently out of reach. The summer 2021 transfer market is no exception. It can be seen as both a failure and a success and it would be difficult for me to argue in favor or in opposition to either position, resolutely. 
To highlight this point, I’m publishing a Twitter DM convo between Mike and I, which I think also kind of covers how each of us feels not only about the players, but the strategy in general. Mike is more optimistic than I, but after re-reading this a few times, I can’t even disagree with him:
TR: I'm trying to just put my faith in Pioli and hope that Brahim lights shit up. Minus this, I'm not even mad at the moves per se, but more experienced or creative minds could have done more.
MIKE: We still desperately need an AM. To me that is the difference between a good window and not.
We replaced Donna, held onto Tomori and Diaz, added a LB, bolstered the midfield with Bakayoko and brought in what could be a 20+ goal scorer in Giroud. That's not bad.
TR: Ya I dunno. RW/AM were like the two areas I expected to be addressed with quality and early and here we are
MIKE: We also brought in Florenzi and Messias as band aids at RW. Not that I'm thrilled with either.
That all being said I think we are at a solid 7; get me an AM and we are at an 8.
I think people are really underestimating how much we needed another striker to go with Ibra and just how good Giroud is gonna be.
TR: It isn't a terrible market and the MF depth is huge, I just think we coulda done better.
Giroud is gonna be great, there is no doubt in my mind. I don't see how Zlatan regains his starting spot tbh, because I also don't see us playing with 2 strikers
MIKE: Also, Maignan for peanuts is a coup. Look at the keepers at the other top clubs in the league.... Ospina, Handanovic, Reina, Szcezny.....
We may very well have the best keeper in the league again
TR: We could. Oddly kind of a low bar which is weird when you think about how stacked the league was with keepers 3 or 4 years back
MIKE: I think he's levels above those guys.
TR: We’ll see.
MIKE: If Leao WOULD SHOW UP AND BE WORTH 40 MILLION we could live with whoever plays on the right. Amazing how he gets a free pass while folks run Castillejo out of town.
LW was trash last year yet the RW was the problem? We've but 10s of millions into that area and gotten fuck all. I don't get it. We paid 9 for Casti and 4 for Saelemaekers and they catch all the hate?
Sorry I'll climb off my soapbox.
TR: LW was at least productive, statistically. Samu was a net 0 and Saele is just not a good enough finisher to play that advanced. Also, we paid like 24m for Casti.
I get it. I gripe about players all the time, but there are certain ones like Saele and Samu where its like, this is as good as they can get. If you're unhappy with it, that's someone else's problem. I think the difference with Leao is that Leao's ceiling is literally world class so the patience is and should be a bit longer.
MIKE: What I don’t understand is people think these rumors m an we had a chance at these players or that somehow Maldini failed.We are a mid level team that made the CL for first time in years. We are barely relevant. Certainly not a destination.
The days of a guy like Sabitzer having a great euros and coming here are loooooong gone.
TR: My counterpoint top that is that mid-level teams playing for nothing are signing quality. Villa signed Emmy Buendia. Wolves signed Sanches. Roma signed Tammy. James/Bernardo, I never really expected but players the level of Vlasic were certainly within our reach.
But again, my issue is more the plan. Taking younger players that can't break into Chelsea and Madrid is fine here and there, but it isn't a transfer strategy. They pay a lot of lip service to the RB model but can't land the sort of players necessary to make that work.
MIKE: I’m sorry but there’s no comparison between us and even a mid level EPL team.
The spending power and attraction of those clubs is light years above us. All we can do is hope they are dumb enough to pay 25 million for Cutrone.
25 million is nothing to them
TR: Spending power sure, but there are a lot of players that don't care for the league or the country (weather/food/family/ etc.) otherwise these clubs would be thriving in tourneys like Europa and they don't. 
I've been telling my brother that the model is the right one, but the coach, owners, and directors aren't really qualified enough to make it work. They are however, good enough to finish top four in Italy if all goes right.
And we've sucked for a decade, but players generally hate leaving Milan barring some kind of real personal thing.
The attraction, I believe, is still there. They just don't really have a coherent plan.
And look, the situations were bad, and I hate to beat a dead horse, but arguably two of your three most valuable assets walked out for free. One to a rival. I can't think of a real-life business comparison but that is a reallllllyy bad screwup.
MIKE: I can. You let older workers go and hire replacements at a third of their wages. Happens all the time
TR: But if you could have sold those older workers....
Well, that's slavery, nm. but you get my point.
The four ounce glass has two ounces of water, this we can be sure of. On one hand, we are definitely half full. We’re undoubtedly good enough to compete at a high level as indicated by our second place finish last season and first two games this year. This is as complete a team as we have had since the beginning of banter, and the work that management has done so far is admirable considering the restrictions. Mike is correct in that we aren’t in a financial position to acquire world-class talent, so names like Bernardo, Sabitzer, or even James aren’t quite our reality yet. 
But we’re definitely half empty. Big Mike looks the part so far, but sorry Don-haters, he is not at good as PSG’s backup. In fact it would be difficult for me to say that we are substantially a better starting eleven than the one that huffed over the finish line last season, sans maybe Giroud. We’re good enough to finish top four, but it isn’t wild to think of scenarios where we finish anywhere between fifth and seventh. We have depth in almost everywhere, but we also accrued that depth at the expense of two positions that were burning for quality. And while we can’t flex and grab the names mentioned above, you do have to think that with a little more cunning, a bit more panache, and better negotiating skills, we could have done a bit more to make those odds of finishing 5th less likely.
But who is to say? It’s done, thankfully. And now it is time to enjoy the ride. So with our respective thesis’ laid out, let’s rate and speculate with a few questions and answers on the mercato by Mike and I!
MIKE LISI’S THOUGHTS
Biggest coup: Maignan for 14 million. He might already be the best keeper in the league and no one misses Donnarumma. On top of that, Maldini showed that he won't be bullied by the backup keeper for PSG.
The Biggest Surprise: Giroud. I bet he scores 20 goals.
The Biggest Oversight: The attacking midfield spot. Runner up is CB. Kjaer’s health worries me and we’re a little thin at that spot.
Overall Rating: 8/10; Maiagnan, Tomori, Torre, Bakayoko, Florenzi, Brahim, Adli, Pellegri, Giroud. All we lost was Hakan and Donnarumma and we have easily improved each of those spots. No complaints really. Also, we only spent 70 million. Between Hakan and Donnarumma we would have spent that much on their salaries alone.
Are we a better team than last year: Hell yeah we are better. Last year I think we greatly overachieved to finish where we did. This year I expect us to be top 3. Big difference in my mind.
TEEN ROCKETT’s TAKE
Biggest coup: Giroud. Unlike Mike, I won’t be surprised if he scores 20. I think for the price, the return is going to be higher than any other player we purchased this season.
The Biggest Surprise: Junior. I am letting my romanticism for his story cloud my judgement, but considering what he did with Crotone last year, I don’t think it is inconceivable we get five or six goals and a few assists platooning with Saele.
The Biggest Oversight: Not solidifying RW and AM. I just really don’t understand how we waited until the dying hours to address one and chose to take a considerable gamble putting the load all on Brahim for the other. Runner up will be not selling Kessie and or Romagnoli. But talk to me this time next year.
Overall Rating: 6.5/10; I am impressed with what we did for 80 million and I think we are a more rounded team, with depth in almost every position. We did a good job balancing youth and veterans. Additionally, moves like Pellegri, Traore and Clinton (the latter two being youths) are the kind of moves that get me excited for the future. But while I think we’re capable of about the same point total as last season I’m not sure we did enough to beat out Atalanta, Juve, Inter and to a lesser extent Napoli, and yes I’m saying it without really believing it, Roma. And from a strictly business standpoint, not capitalizing the Don and Hakan departures were massive mistakes. There’s no way around that.
Are we a better team than last year: We’re more complete. We will see what that translates to on the pitch. I’d have a tough time saying that we are out and out better, but if not, we didn’t take a step back.
Allright Leoni. That’s that. In the damn books. Sound off below and feel free to hit us with your own biggest coup, biggest surprise, major oversight, overall rating, and whether we are better or not.
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alexisbundy1-blog · 6 years
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#6 Oh! The Humanities
About a week or so ago, I visited the library upon the demand of my friend, who desired to check out the latest Neil deGrasse Tyson book on astrophysics that had arrived. We went, and my friend checked out her book. As the librarian was in the process, I mentioned I was reading a book on the history of music - for context, there is nothing I love more in this life than music. I’ve mentioned the same book in a previous post, but that’s a separate digression. Anyway, so I mentioned the book, and the librarian said she had a recommendation for me. I got excited; I’d always been looking for a good novel that has music intertwined with it. So she handed me the book, and I flipped through a couple of pages, and I felt slightly humiliated - the book was most definitely targeted for children entering the seventh grade. But I checked it out anyway. I made a little joke as we left: she left with a book about astrophysics, and I got a children’s book.
But the joke covered up some personal feelings. Why is it that everything that involves STEM is deemed intellectual and complex and adult, but the humanities are subconsciously frowned upon, especially at Castilleja? Why is it that I was unable to take any honours or AP classes in English and history in my first two years of high school, and now that I’m finally able to take an AP in both of those classes, it’s the class that everyone is taking? Why is it that my friend gets the adult option while I get the bedtime story?
Like I said, I’m very interested in music. Personally, I feel like there’s no good coverage of pop culture or music in the Casti library that’s equal to the sciences or math or even politics. My personal opinion is that pop culture is just as important; it’s the stuff that shapes our teenage years, the nostalgia that we look back upon, the events that change our worlds. Why is there no High Fidelity, no Black Noise, no Girl in a Band, no Just Kids? I know that there are girls at this school who want - no, need - to read such books. I see these talented girls who thrive off of weekend band practices and School of Rock, and I think about how much they would love those books. 
But music is in its own category. The humanities is just as important to life as STEM, and I feel like they are pushed down at Castilleja. In ninth and tenth grade, we had coding projects, and with all due respect, I was bored out of my mind and completely unmotivated. I think the girls who want to code should code, and the girls who want to write should write, and the girls who want to be mathematicians should be mathematicians, and the girls who want to work in the government should work in the government. I understand the point of the project was to boost female empowerment in STEM, but we girls as a collective group don’t want to code. Coding should most definitely be an option, because some girls don’t have time to join Gatorbotics. So make it a C-block choice. And I enjoy writing for Counterpoint, I really do; but it’s not as great as it could be, and we’re not pushing people to take a journalism C-block option. 
It’s hard because we live in the technological utopia of Silicon Valley, where HP and Apple and Google rule the bubble we live in. Castilleja as a school wants to empower its students if they want to join an industry that bolsters men, but not women. I 100% appreciate that and I stand behind the idea, but some girls just want to move to New York City and write for the Times or report for CNN or teach a literature lecture at Columbia. No one is pushing the idea that Stanford is looking for humanities specialists to balance out their tech geniuses. Do we even have a debate team? 
Apologies for this anger-laced blog post, but a girl wants to dream, and it’s hard when the dream is the middle child in between the science-y older sister and the mathematical younger brother.  
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brothersapart · 7 years
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The Long Road Home
((Omw what am I even doing? Entering a contest while running a contest of my own... But inspiration struck. And it wouldn’t let me go until I had it all out, buried myself underneath all the feels.))
((Hello all! For those that know me and those that don’t, this is @nightmares06 with my entry for the contest going on at @asksamstuff! If you don’t know the blog, I highly recommend checking out! There is wonderful content over there, all quality-done supernatural comics that are so inspirational to check out! So inspirational that I’ve written this contest entry based on one of them! Posted to the BA blog since the majority of my readers are found here.))
Story also found: Archive of our Own || Fanfiction || Deviantart
Inspired by: Part 1 || Part 2
Most of the words spoken in this are directly from the comic strip, I make no claim on the idea or the dialogue, merely the writing.
Ask: Would your life had been different if you’d been an only child?
John stands in front of the graves; he feels a tear threaten to fall and etch its path down his stubble-covered cheek. The love of his life and his first-born son lie beneath the cold, hard ground. No comfort waits for them. No warmth and no love, ever again.
Dead. All dead.
Mary, gone before he could reach her. Dean, killed by part of the house falling on him as he took Sam to safety.
A squirming in his arms pulls him back from his pit of despair. Sammy, the youngest and worse-for-wear Winchester, is hungry. After surviving a house fire and the death of half his family, he calls out, not knowing his mother will never answer his call again. No more Dean, bright-eyed and curious, will peek up at his baby brother when it’s time to put him in his high chair and feed him.
Just John.
Their lives have been stolen and John has no idea what the future holds for himself and his infant son.
Kick.
Years pass.
Kick. Kick.
“Dad… um…”
The kicks die off.
The kid’s voice is petulant, but not whining. He’s grown up fast in this life, forced to mature beyond his years by circumstances beyond their control.
“Am I gonna get to go back to Uncle Bobby’s…? I liked my room…”
The words trail off into silence. Though by themselves, the words should sound hopeful, there is no hope in them. They fall flat on the air, and another part of John dies. The kid knows the answer before he asks. He just needs to hear the answer from John.
“I’m sorry, Sam, but no. Bobby and I… we had a fight…”
Even to John, his reasoning sounds flimsy as he tells his son why he can’t give him a semi-stable place to live. He sounds uncaring; it is as though his emotions are lost in translation from his heart to his mind. They’re there, but never there. The kid picks right up on it, unfairly empathic as kids can be.
There it is again. He’s thinking of Sam as ‘the kid.’ There is a barrier keeping John from forming that emotional attachment with Sam that he had with Dean those all-too-short years growing up.
He will never toss another softball to his son, and so Sam suffers because of it.
John sighs. His explanations and excuses and demands die off. For a moment, his guard falls and he’s just a father sitting with his son.
The pictures he pulls out of his wallet are old and worn, the corners crinkled and faded from age. Sam’s hands are reverent as he takes them from John, his hazel eyes wide.
“This is what your mother and brother looked like.”
A woman with the most beautiful smile John had ever laid eyes on stares out of one, and the other…
Sam recognizes the kids; one is himself, after all. The other, the older kid, had a smile in his warm green eyes, freckles dotting his fair cheeks and his arms wrapped around his baby brother with pride in his smile even at four years old.
Dean.
Sam brushes a finger across Dean’s face, feeling a brief spark in his chest when he does. “Dean and mom… they look happy…” He almost misses what John is saying, so intent on that picture he is.
Perhaps it would be better if he had missed what John was saying.
John feels a part of him twist. He knows he is abusing the love Sam feels for their missing family. But he needs his only child to protect himself, to stop arguing, to follow orders. How can John protect Sam if Sam won’t protect himself?
“I know it’s a lot. I do. But that monster… whatever it was, it took them away. Now we gotta protect ourselves, and honor them.”
There. The words are out. Sam frowns at the pictures, his small hands tightening on the paper. Even at such a young age, John suspects Sam knows when he’s being manipulated.
They argue about the guns, as expected. It ends the way John knows it will, but this time something in him can’t leave it that way between them. Sam is all he has. He can deny it all he wants to himself, but his family is down to one small child.
John takes an item out of his bag. He’s carried it around for years, unable to completely part with it. A memory that Sam deserves to have.
“I want you to have this.”
John holds out the stuffed dinosaur. Its head is heavier than its neck can hold up, bobbing down at Sam as the boy looks up with wide eyes. He holds out his hands, already enamored with the green and purple polka-dotted critter.
“It was given to me from our old home,” John explains, ruffling his only child’s hair with more tenderness than he’s ever shown him. “Your mother gave it to Dean. He was saving it, wanting to give it to you when you were old enough. He never got the chance to, but… I can do it for him.”
Sam smiles as he holds the dinosaur tight. “Dean… thanks…”
Sam is like that hours later, sitting on the bed. John is gone. He has a hunt in town, and Sam will stay at the motel until then.
John doesn’t know, and will never know, but something in the dinosaur has awoken a part of Sam once dead. He stares into its plastic eyes, seeing his reflection sent back at him with a dark tint.
“I wish you were here,” Sam whispers, and this time he isn’t speaking to the dinosaur. He angles it so its face bobs once, and for a moment the eyes glint green back at him. “I feel… something hurts-- like a punch!-- whenever dad says your name.” Sam blinks back tears. “Like you should be here. I don’t know you, but… I feel like I’d be a finished puzzle!”
Laying down on his side, Sam touches his nose to the dinosaur’s, unable to look away from those eyes. He imagines Dean is staring back at him. “It’s okay,” he reassures his absent older brother. “Pastor Jim says you’re in heaven and angels are watching out for you. Thanks for the doll. I’ll see you and mom someday soon!”
He snuggles close to the stuffed dinosaur, and a little bit of the hole in his chest feels like it’s been filled. His sleep that night is a little better than normal, and an invisible hand brushes his long bangs from his face while he sleeps.
Sam grows up.
He lives, he thrives. He even finds a life for himself, outside of hunting.
John was right. Sam had sensed the manipulation throughout his life and grown to resent it. The youngest Winchester would not be pushed around, his backbone growing in as strong as steel. His emotions for his mother and brother were not meant to be played with, and Sam knew this. Instead of bending and taking John’s orders, he’d left and taken everything with him.
There are a few more scars without Dean around to haul his ass out of trouble on those first hunts with John. He can no longer see out of his right eye, the thick scar tissue a blemish on his face. It no longer hurts, but the skin can grow tight when the air grows cold, making it uncomfortably itchy.
Jess never cares. She comforts him, and helps fill in a bit more of that void in his chest. Like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit, her love and the stuffed dinosaur can’t quite block out all of the pain, but the warmth and love offered helps him begin to heal injuries he never even knew were there.
Throughout it all, the stuffed dinosaur from Dean watches from its special corner of the room, the light gleaming green when it catches in the eyes. Sam finds himself smiling at it, the one happy reminder of the older brother he’d lost.
And then, once more it comes.
The fire of Sam’s childhood strikes again, this time consuming the rest of his life. His newfound freedom, his love, his last gift from an older brother he never knew…
Again, Sam finds himself adrift. He’s lost Jess and now all attachments to Dean are broken. The photos are nothing more than dust in the wind and all that’s left of the dinosaur is a single half-melted eye, the plastic seeped into the burn floorboards like a tear, melding into the crack until it becomes just another part of the wreckage of Sam’s life.
In the end, it's a good life.
Though Sam can count on one hand the number of times he’s felt true happiness since the second fire, he’s made a difference. Saved the world a few times.
Yet, there’s always been something missing. A hole in his chest. One that not even a friend like Castiel, Angel of the Lord can fill. The type of hole that feels suspiciously shaped like a certain floppy-headed dinosaur.
In the end, it’s not a demon. Sam’s survived Lucifer himself, gone against angels and hordes of monsters to fight for freedom and always come out on top.
A simple vampire gets the best of him one night, while Castiel is helping Bobby with research. Tears his throat right out.
Sam can feel it feasting on the hot lifeblood that pours out of him as it all fades to black.
Warmth on his cheeks.
A breeze wafts through the air.
Sam blinks a few times, the warm blue sky almost blinding in its brilliance as he wakes.
Warmth, light, life.
Sam jumps to his feet as the realization begins to sink in. There were more than a few times during the apocalypse where he’d asked Castiel how it would all end. Where they would go when their time was up.
The explanations were often confusing and disjointed, owing to the lack of familiarity Castiel had with humans, a familiarity Sam had worked to instill in the angel as he became a part of their team--
Sam. Bobby. Castiel.
Team free will, a snarky voice in Sam’s head dubbed them proudly.
--but from those explanations Sam had begun to build up his impression of what heaven and hell would be like.
And this was no hell.
There was no Lucifer waiting to greet him as he stood with his feet planted in the soft, moist soil. Earthworms burrowed away from his laceless boots, restored to their original color and lacking any sign of mud- or blood-splatter on the soles. No Crowley to mock his death, calling him a moose without a squirrel, a jeer that had put more pain in Sam’s heart than it should.
The confusion sets in quickly as Sam takes in his surroundings. From Sam’s understanding of heaven, if that was indeed where he was, he should be reliving parts of his life. His ‘greatest hits.’ His own very personalized heaven, built up from the memories of his life.
Perhaps being greeted by Jess, a slim arm around his waist and her soft hair under his chin.
This-- he could see a cabin in the distance. The path he was standing on lead to it, birds chirping and insects buzzing. Despite the omnipresent sounds, a fly never buzzed into his hair and no mosquitoes tried to dive bomb him. Sam took a deep breath, and could smell the plants and flowers that grew around the small cabin.
Nothing he recognized, but it didn’t seem like a bad place to start. Sam starts to walk towards the cabin, figuring he can start there.
Sure is peaceful here.
Sam briefly wonders where Castiel was. If he knew what had happened. The nerdy little angel might be able to help him out, give him a ‘get out of jail free’ card and catch a lift back to earth. Bobby always needed a hand with thin--
His thoughts trailed off as a young voice interrupted his musings.
“Wow! You’re tall! ”
Sam turns, confusion crowding his eyes. He doesn’t recognize that voice at first. It’s young and hopeful, excited and elated. All emotions and sensations that Sam has lacked for most of his life. A burning ember kindles in his chest as he sees who’s talking.
Blond ripples of hair. Bright, eager green eyes. The kid takes a tentative step forward, his eyes wide and enamored with the man he’s looking at. Sam’s lips part in amazement.
Nothing deters the kid’s excited nature, not Sam’s hesitation or his size, his scruffy unshaven face or the long waves of dark hair.
“WOW. Can I sit on your shoulders to get some apples?”
Sam doesn’t know if he has a pulse here, in heaven, but if he did it must have missed a beat.
Squatting down on the ground, Sam lowers himself to the kid’s level, unable to leave him staring up at him with his neck tilted so far back. “You’re… Dean, aren’t you?” Sam asks in awe, understanding now why Castiel wasn’t around.
The angel wouldn’t want to get in the way of the brothers’ reunion, something sought after for as long as Sam can remember.
Sam’s a little more nervous now, swallowing before he gets out the rest. “Do you. Um. Do you … know who I am?” The sudden fear that hits him, that Dean doesn’t know who he is after all this time apart, scares him more than anything. Sam was just a baby the last time they were together. Now he’s big enough to lift Dean up with one arm, tall enough to tower over the kid who means more than anything else in the world to Sam.
Dean dives forward, hitting Sam’s arms in a hug with all the subtlety of a train wreck that weighs forty pounds. There is no denying the happy air about him.
“Of course I do! I’ve been waiting for you! You took super long!
“Sammy!”
It all spills out of Dean, and there’s no stopping the kid now. “You’re Sammy, and I’m your big brother! You’re just taller than I thought, musta ate all your vitamins!” He leans back in Sam’s arms, glistening green eyes matching the water Sam can suddenly feel in his own. “I heard it was really bad down there. But… It’s okay. I’m here.”
Sam clings to Dean, his eyes overflowing. All the hard years catch up to him, hitting him all at once. It’s like feeling the completion of a puzzle he'd worked on all his life come to fruition. The hole in his chest was gone, replaced by the slight weight in his arms and the little hands that brush over his hair to calm him down. Sam’s life is warmth and light, and after so long in the cold darkness, he doesn’t know how to react.
Dean pats Sam’s face, brushing away some of the tears. “I’ve waited so long to meet you, kiddo. Forty goddamn years!” For a moment, Sam can hear an echo in Dean’s voice. A deeper, sterner version telling him he’s left Dean waiting too long. Yet the look in Dean’s eyes is all forgiveness.
Sam’s voice is hoarse and stuttering. The words catch in his throat, coming out so gruff compared to Dean’s warm tenor. “Y-yeah. It’s okay now… We’re safe.”
As Sam finally unwinds himself from Dean’s arms and stands, he knows this might not last. Castiel might show up at their door in the morning, with a job that only Sam can do. But for now, this moment, he takes Dean’s hand in his, feels those little fingers curl around two of his and just barely make it. Sam has to keep his pace slow for Dean’s short legs to keep up, listening to the kid’s unbridled energy spill over, telling Sam all about his life, sharing what they missed out on. Sam even learns about how much Dean loved the cabin John took him to, just the two of them on Dean’s fourth birthday gone fishing for the weekend. It was the most fun he’d ever had! he insists to Sam, wistfully saying he wanted to do it with Sammy after he got big enough.
For the first time in a long time, Sam feels like things are going to be okay. The warmth in his chest builds up, and he lets the tears flow freely, no longer holding in his emotions now that Dean’s back in his life.
Castiel might check on them, he might not. But for now, Sam has a fish to catch his older brother.
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orionsangel86 · 7 years
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Part 2 - Episode Review of 12x15
Part 1 for 12x14 review
Of the past three episodes this one was my favourite, but of course it was, it had Cas in it - however small his part was. I think it was the best structured for the story as well though and for where it left us in terms of speculation and meta. Basically I have a lot to say.
Davy Perez returns for 12x15 and I think he had a lot of fun with this one. Lucille makes an appearance and I am sure that fans of the Walking Dead recoiled in horror watching Dean Winchester carry that horrid bat, I also enjoyed poor suffering Castiel dealing with the crazy “lizard people” man and the Queen making an appearance (much to Misha’s delight I’m sure).
Other smaller moments I liked – the overlapping conversations both Dean and Sam had to Cas and Mary respectively that led to a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment where it was easy to mishear Dean saying “I love you too” to Castiel. In a Perez episode. When his last episode was 12x12. Which was the episode where Cas confessed his undying love? Yeah that ain’t a coincidence guys.
Also Gwen was a totally awesome character of the week who was twice able to fight off a hellhound that she couldn’t see. Please keep giving us these awesome female characters show. We are starved and scramble for this kind of stuff.
Final small point - Winchesters in glasses *drools*.
For the longer meta points however I’ll start with something that grinded my gears on first watch...
Dean Winchester – No longer a Germaphobe?
Yeah this bothered me.. When did DEAN “bathing in purell tonight” Winchester not care about showering after getting covered in monster goop? There is only ONE OTHER time in the whole series that that was the case… Purgatory. Perez sure loves his call backs to previous seasons. I didn’t pick up on it at first and basically huffed a “that’s out of character” at the screen. But I have since thought about this and re-watched the episode a couple of times and well, its clearly a purgatory callback now. I had to kick myself for getting grumpy at first.
So why are we calling back to Purgatory Dean? Where it “felt pure” and his mission was to “find the angel” at all costs? I know Davy Perez is new, but I can’t imagine him getting the characterisation so wrong here, especially after what he has given us so far. Dean is in purgatory mode. He is going from hunt to hunt unknowingly from the BMOL’s leads and thriving in the kill. Could this be because after twice being told “you’re a killer Dean Winchester” he’s decided to accept it? The last time he truly embraced that killer side of him was in purgatory after all (the mark of cain does not count since he fought against it with every fibre of his being). I think the nod to Lucille also kinda comes into this here. Dean with a distinctive weapon, being the thing that the monsters fear most, it’s some very strong imagery. We are being lead to believe that Dean truly IS the “killer”, the “American Ketch” if you like. So of course I fully expect him to defy the BMOL expectations and fight against that eventually. Dean is on a journey of self-acceptance after all. When he realises he is SO MUCH MORE than just a “killer” (no matter how pure he felt in purgatory) his journey will be complete.
Sam and Lying
I have already covered this briefly in part 1, but Dean is our token excellent liar in this show and yet right now he really is on an honesty kick. Sam however, is not. “Oh so we lie?”  “Yeah. A lot” The interesting thing about Sam’s lying is that when he does lie, he generally thinks it is for the best. This is the case with their lies to Gwen and it is also the case with his lies to Dean about the BMOL. He thinks it will give his brother “peace” to just keep it to himself for the time being. Then he has this conversation with Gwen where she says:
“If I’d just told him, why couldn’t I just tell him the truth”
“but I didn’t, I lied, I lied to make things easier”
This show does love its character parallels after all. This one was pretty obvious. Marcus is Dean getting ripped to shreds by the hellhound, Gwen is Sam lying to make things easier.
Now aside from the uncomfortable wincest implications of such a mirror this is a good point. Because as I said about 12x14, Sam chooses the objective path rather than the emotional path pretty much all the time, because it is easier for him. He may be emotionally intelligent in how he deals with difficult situations generally, but when it comes to his brother and potentially difficult differences of opinion, he would rather keep things quiet.
(I will talk more about Gwen and Marcus as mirrors a bit later)
It is pretty clear to the audience that this conversation with Gwen is what makes Sam decide to tell Dean the truth about working with the Brits. It is evident of how far the boys have come that we are no longer seeing such a  toxic relationship of lying and sacrifice etc etc so much anymore (since it was getting super old). Though he still hasn’t told Dean all the details, and whilst Dean warns that “the minute something feels off we bail” I can’t see Sam actually bailing now. For some reason I reckon Sam has picked his side and is determined to set things right. I expect to see his relationship with Mick develop into almost trust by season end and I ALSO expect that another wedge will be formed between Dean and Sam because of this.
Crowley – rubbing off on everyone
I’m sorry I couldn’t help but make a joke about that line. Which I will never get out of my head! Crowley was really the star of this episode (mainly because Cas only had a small part and even my extremely biased self couldn’t give this one to him and that hot angel dude who was manipulating him). Nope Crowley wins it. He was brilliant. Crowley is still desperately trying to pull his “I don’t care about the Winchesters” act. I’m glad to see that EVERYONE sees through this at this stage.
I was talking to @purplesummer91 after watching this episode (we watched it together with pizza) about how I was so infuriated with Bucklemming for writing Crowley so fucking dumb in 12x13. For choosing to put Lucifer into a purpose built vessel and chain him up in a way that was clearly not going to go well for Crowley. We were both super pissed off about it. Even all the painfully cringe worthy exposition couldn’t save Crowleys character in 12x13. Bucklemming probably had some stupid plan for Lucifer to get out and rape a few more people before finally doing something really stupid and out of character for Lucifer and move to LA to solve crimes… pfft…
Davy Perez however, is now the hero who has saved the script, and Crowley, from their slimy incompetent hands. What he managed to do in this episode was actually have Crowley’s plan make sense again. His “ten steps ahead” speech was really clever of Perez. Giving Crowley the upper hand and putting him right back where his character belongs – as the smartest character in the whole fucking show. Now, I get bored of generic suit wearing demons and angels as much as the next person, and the weakest part of this episode was those two idiots trying to barter with Lucifer and set him free (everyone in hell should really know by now that you stick with Crowley if you actually wanna live at least a little while longer) and whilst I am really bored of Lucifer (and don’t like the season 12 rendition of him at all) I enjoyed watching Crowley beat him down again. It felt like some spiteful revenge on Bucklemming and their idiocy – your next job Davy is to bring Charlie back and have her joke about how terribly stupid her supposed “death” was and how only an idiot would really believe her quick thinking glamour magic from Oz to put the Stines off her trail (if you haven’t noticed already, I’m still super bitter).
Let’s talk about Drowley for a moment though. Because as @purplesummer91 and I discussed after watching, we still can’t believe this is still a thing. I mean, okay, sure. They had their fun together in early season 10, but the fact that the writers continuously bring this back and shove it rather graphically in all of our faces is something else. Never let a hater tell you that Bi!Dean is all in your head, or that you only want it for your ship… because NO ONE ASKED FOR FUCKING DROWLEY. The show chose that. They chose to shove that down our throats and practically make it canon. The fact that it is so fucking obvious in canon is still unbelievable every time we get another Drowley joke.
“Maybe you rubbed off on me, maybe I rubbed off all over you”. Thanks Crowley for that mental image. Where is Sam so I can borrow his brain bleach?
If you are doubting the impact of this line from a shipping perspective, ask yourselves this:  would that line have had as much impact if he had said it to Sam?
Yes, Crowley talks in innuendos, and loves to be overly sexual with the boys, BUT since season 10 and Crowley and Dean’s “summer of love” his sexual jokes have been almost exclusively to Dean. Because Crowley, being the intelligent guy he is, knows that they would have far greater effect on Dean – Since they are fucking true and there is nothing Dean can do about that. Crowley has been Dean’s subtextual ex-boyfriend for two and a half seasons now. This is not something we as fangirls wanted or needed, but the show went there. I’m never getting over that. Ever.
The other important Crowley point to talk about is how he was actually validated this episode for the good he has done. Dean’s sincere thank you for saving Cas, even though Crowley tries to brush it off as wanting to spare himself from the man pain, it is obvious at this stage that he cares for Cas (we talked about this in 12x12 anyway so I won’t go into detail). Sam’s thank you was even more heartfelt, and genuine and sincere, and Crowley didn’t even come back with a snarky remark that time, nor did he brush off Gwen’s hug which was extremely heartwarming. Oh Crowley, you big softy. We all know you still just want to be loved.
Castiel – Angel of Earth – Hunter of Lizard People?
Why is it every time Cas graces our screens I grin like an idiot in love. I was a bit sad that Cas’s role in this episode was so small baring in mind we don’t get him for another three episodes (which I’m slightly pissy about FYI) and we didn’t get him for the last two either. But, Perez seems to be becoming the next Robbie Thompson for giving us a lot of info and meta content in a short space of time.
Cas was so freaking adorable in this episode. Who would have thought that it was canon that Cas is a Beyoncé fan to start with – enough that he knows the name of her sister and used it as his alias. Honestly I can see Dean rolling his eyes but still gazing at him with heaps of affection. The upside down FBI badge really has become a running joke. Cas just isn’t quite there yet in his hunter skills. (all this means for me is that I hope by the end of the series we will get an episode where Cas swoops in like a skilled hunter, flashes his badge in sync with Dean and is perfectly able to interview a witness without any issues whatsoever – AND give them a classic flirtatious wink at the end.)
His utter exasperation over the conspiracy theorists lizard people story was hilarious. As was Cas banging his head against the door. Cas was so done with this guy. But at least he got his Kelly Kline lead.
I think it is important to point out that at this stage, Cas is so disillusioned with his siblings that the moment he sees one he pulls out his blade to defend himself. It breaks my heart but the Dean Winchester in me wants to scream out “Damn right you defend yourself sweetheart. You stab that dick with wings!” As hot as Kelvin is I just don’t trust him one bit. Nor do I buy what he is selling here. What I LOVE is that we are getting MORE unanswered questions to Cas too add to the heap we already have.
“You ever miss it? Upstairs?”
“I love Earth, smells like hay, but it’s not home is it?”
“imagine it Castiel, for you to come and go as you please, be part of your family, your true family again”
Castiel doesn’t answer ANY of these questions, he diverts them. And this is so so interesting to see happening in a script written by the same writer who gave us “Knowing you has been the best part of my life, you’re my family, I love you, I love all of you”. We KNOW as an audience that Cas has chosen who his family, his home is, and it’s not heaven. But the fact that the angels don’t know this, that they STILL think they can manipulate Castiel with talk of acceptance and power… I can’t wait for him to turn to them and basically say “fuck you guys. I am going back to my boyfriend because HE LOVES ME.” And honestly this is where all the coming out/non accepting family of a queer kid metaphors come into play and I LOVE THEM.
In fact the ONLY part of Kelvins whole little speech there that perked Castiel’s interest was mentioning Joshua and this:
”the gardeners got a plan, all we ask is that you hear him out for the greater good.” And at that moment we know Cas is done for, because his second biggest weakness (next to a certain Mr Humanity) is doing the right thing – doing it for the “greater good”.
Cas isn’t going back to heaven for acceptance, to get his ‘home’ back, or for power. He is going back because Joshua has a plan that may help ‘the greater good’ and that is a pitch that Cas can’t say no to. His face when Kelvin asked him if he was ready at the end, again, no answer. He didn’t look ready at all, and I HATE seeing Cas in pain. Especially since apparently we ain’t gonna see him again until 12x19 which I am super pissed off about. Urgh.
But I just need to mention that final moment, Dean Winchester looks down at his phone after Cas hung up and says “he sound weird to you?” we don’t get an answer from Sam but I would bet money on that answer being “no?” because only Dean has that connection to Cas that means he can tell if something is wrong over a fucking PHONE CALL. They are such husbands OMG. Dean is gonna be so upset when he finds out Cas has gone back to heaven. This is gonna hurt to watch.
Gwen and Marcus – Parallels?
The last point I wanted to talk about was how Gwen and Marcus appear to be a mirror for Sam and Dean’s relationship in the show. This was obvious when Gwen spoke to Sam in the car and Sam clearly took her experience and advice and was inspired to tell Dean the truth. The show does this A LOT with various MOTW characters being some way mirrored with the boys in order for the boys to learn a lesson of some kind. There are often multiple parallels in place however and the other parallel here was Dean and Cas. Yes, there are both Wincest and Destiel readings in this doomed couple. Am I happy about this? Not really, but the interpretation is there.
Now, obviously the wincest parallel is easily disregarded as a legitimate romantic thing because the show is NEVER gonna go there. Don’t stress people. That’s not what I’m saying. If it was I’d quit watching in a heartbeat. *shudder*. The meaning of the mirror here is that our Sam character Gwen, kept lying to the Dean character Marcus, which ultimately lead to Marcus’s death. Gwen blames herself for his death because she lied about her feelings for him.
There are multiple layers to this reading. Marcus was clearly in love with Gwen, he wanted her by his side and dreaded her leaving him to go to college. (this all plays nicely with the Winchesters history and Sam leaving Dean to go to Stanford). The main point of takeaway here is that Gwen didn’t feel the same way about Marcus that he did about her. Gwen wanted something more in her life, she wanted to pursue a future that she didn’t feel she could have with Marcus by her side. Is this foreshadowing of the Winchesters going their separate ways? Dean always has been the clingier of the two, and I have been saying throughout this entire post that Dean is emotional whereas Sam is logical. The situation matches Gwen and Marcus. Marcus was holding on to a dream ruled by his feelings, whereas Gwen was far more logical and rational about their situation. Is Sam going to break away from Dean? If he doesn’t break away? Could this lead to Dean’s doom?
Ultimately I don’t think this season is gonna end well for Dean – call it a hunch, but with the way Ketch was eyeing him up and the differences between them I dunno, I can just see a clash in the future that I think will involve Cas somehow… but that is pure speculation. I also think that this could foreshadow Sam choosing to go to the UK to learn with the BMOL…
The other parallel is similar. In this episode Cas struggles with choosing to leaving earth and going back to heaven. Leaving Dean. The difference is that unlike Gwen, we KNOW that Cas loves Dean. His feelings have been laid out in the text. But poor self-hating Dean doesn’t know that. Will Cas keep the fact that he went back to heaven/is working with heaven again from Dean? How will that affect their relationship? We know that Dean loves Cas, but we have yet to have the moment where he admits to Cas that he loves him too (which I will put money on happening by season end). Dean could EASILY view Cas’s heartfelt confession as platonic familial love and therefore feel rejected, especially if Cas now leaves him for heaven once again. Dean’s main issue throughout pretty much ALL OF THE SERIES prior to Cas’s break up with heaven in season 11 was that Cas kept leaving him. Ironic since they are now paralleled by a couple where the Cas mirror NOT leaving him and telling him the truth lead the Dean mirror to his death.
Basically this is how I see it. If Cas and Sam chose to stay by Dean’s side and keep secrets from him, then Dean is likely to die. If they are honest with him, and leave him, then he will live. Could this be foreshadowing an ultimatum somewhere along the way? If you leave Earth, return to heaven and stay away from OUR territory, then we won’t kill the man you love.
OR, If you go to London with us, work with us there, then we won’t kill your brother?
This is pure speculation of course, but I liked the parallel, and how it foreshadows Dean ending this season very much alone and feeling like he was rejected by choice.
How very heartbreaking indeed.
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