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6ix9inewiturmom · 12 days

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Jealousy, Jealousy- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: You got a little jealous and insecure about chris’ relationship with Tara, the fans don’t know about you so it makes your thoughts a little worse.

Warnings: Arguments, inscure, fluff, use of Y/N, kinda Asshole chris, TW! co comparison

A/N: I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS BABIES?! also a PSA!! no hate to tara i love her sm she’s absolutely amazing and beautiful this is jus a FICTIONAL story!!

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It was an average Tuesday for me sitting in my apartment waiting for chris to come over so we can have our normal once a week movie night at my house. i knew chris had a video to film, i assumed it was for his youtube channel cause normally they film either on monday or tuesday for their wednesday videos. The endless scroll of tiktok was genuinely getting exhausting, considering chris and i had both decided to keep our relationship private until we felt comfortable enough to share with his fans, i always get chris fan edits all over my for you page, which was nice, sometimes i send him the good ones to see his reaction, but as im scrolling through tiktok a video popped up of chris and his newer friend tara, singing ‘Primadonna’ by Marina, now normally i don’t get jealous or insecure because i know he’s mine and im his, he ALWAYS made sure i was okay with anything, but he never told me the video he was doing was with her? she had this newer series on her channel called ‘Stuck in a car with..’ and last weeks was Nick, so i’m assuming this weeks was chris.. but why wouldn’t he tell me? he tells me everything? why was she smiling at chris like that? does she know he has a girlfriend? did he tell her? why was this the song choice? why was he not telling me it was Tara that he was filming with? i trust chris why am i overthinking so much? why am i questioning him? do i have a right to question things? should i test him? should i just ask? what if he gets mad at me for being like this?

A billion thoughts were flooding my once at eased mind with thoughts of Insecurities and Jealousy. she’s a beautiful woman, amazing style, she’s funny, she’s a lot of things i’m not, but does that matter to chris?

i get up off my bed to head to the bathroom to run me a nice warm bath to see if that’ll ease my mind, i step in the bathroom and turn on the light and start the water and stop in the bathroom mirror and stare. i just sit here for a good 4 minutes looking at myself, comparing myself to her, was it her perfect skin? her perfect figure? i let out a frustrated sigh and hop in the tub and my tense body softens at the hot water absorbing into my skin. i lean back in the tub and stare at the ceiling. questioning myself what i’m gonna do.

it’s now about 6pm, i’ve taken a bath, nervous baked, cookies, brownies, and a chocolate cake, baking always seems to calm my nerves down, i’ve watched 7 movies, no word from chris which is weird, but what’d i expect.

Speak of the fucking devil.

Chrissy 🎀

Hey ma, sorry i’ve not responded, we just got done filming and we ran a few errands and im on the way to your house now baby.

this motherfucker, did he just lie to my face? so he’s now believing his lie that he was filming with his brothers?

Y/N

doors open 🙃

maybe i should just play it cool, maybe i should just see how long he cracks? nah i shouldn’t do that thats some toxic shit.

i hear my doorbell ring a couple times, i get off the couch and walk to the door and open it up to find chris standing there in his light blue Fresh Love hoodie smiling at me.

“Hi baby” he smiles at me holding his arms out expecting a hug from me like i normally do but i can’t help but stare into his eyes and my once harsh gaze softens at his smile and i walk closer giving him a hug and he kisses my head.

i pull away from his soft hug and let him in. as he walks in he notices my disarray of a house, dishes everywhere, flour is scattered over my kitchen counter he has a puzzled look on his face.

“what’s with all those dishes and stuff?” he points around at my kitchen.

“oh that?… yeah i uh started watching tiktok waiting for you and i started baking..” my voice trails off.

“okay..” he starts “anyways… what movie do you wanna watch” he walks with me to my couch and sits down with his arm draped over my shoulders.

“i don’t wanna watch a movie” i smile “i just wanna sit and talk to you for a little bit” he smiles softly at me.

“what do you wanna talk about ma” he chuckles smiling at me

“umm how was filming?” i drop my head playing with my rings on my fingers.

“oh yeah it was good, a lot of good laughs, but it’s how we normally are” he laughs nervously.

“so just you and your brothers?” i lift my head up smiling at him. at this point i blacked out, i completely lost control of my voice, i trust him but why wasn’t he telling me the truth?

“yeah, we was filming for wednesdays new video” he looks me deeply in my eyes, straight up lied to me.

my lips kiss my teeth and i nod, “so Tara is your brother?” i spit out.

his eyes widen, and his face goes pale “Y/N, it’s not what it looks like, look i know me and you have been together for a year and a half in private, she knows i have a girlfriend who i love” he places his hand on my knee rubbing circles on it.

i nod “yeah so why didn’t you just tell me you were with tara? then when i asked you completely lied to my face, yeah i saw the fucking tiktok you guys made, and best believe me, the comments on that fucking video? a BUNCH of boat emojis, and ‘oh the way he looks at her’ what the fuck chris?” my voice cracks with anger and sadness

“Y/N i just know how you are..” he looks down playing with his thumbs.

“HOW I AM? chris i have done nothing but trust you, im sorry for expecting the bare minimum by i don’t know my boyfriend to tell me that he’s filming a video with someone? then not lie to me about who he was with?” i yell standing up off the couch.

“Y/N sit down, talk to me ma, i promise it’s not like that” chris starts trying to grab my hand, i jerk my hand back.

“no you’re not gonna ‘ma’ me, at all, you lied chris, u caught you in a lie, if i would have never seen that fucking tiktok, you would have never fucking told me about it chris, what the fuck?” i pace around my living room in anger and in almost tears

“Y/N…baby” he gets off the couch trying to calm me down.

“no chris, get away from me, get out, i don’t wanna see you” i sit on the floor next to my window in fetal position with my head between my knees.

“Y/N pls don’t push me out” he starts “please, i love you” he squats down at eye level with me

“give me one second chris” i stand up and go out the door unlocking my phone and dialing matt’s number.

“Y/N? what’s up?” matt answers

“come get your brother, i can’t look at him” my voice shakes and tears form my eyes.

“what happened Y/N” his voice panicked

“i should let chris tell you, just please matt?” i single tear drops from the left side of my face

“i’m on my way” he sighs.

i end the call walking back inside and chris is sitting on the couch with his face in his hands as if he’s stressed.

“your brother is on his way Christopher” i sigh walking to my room and locking the door, obviously he followed me sitting at my door with his head leaning against the door.

“Y/N please… i just know since our relationship is private how sometimes you can get insecure” he starts; not helping the situation.

“Chris, leave, you’re not helping” i start crying

“fine, you know fuck this, i tried explaining myself, you don’t believe me, ive tried, now im the problem” he sighs dragging his feet and slamming my front door which causes me to jump and start harshly crying. i hear a ping from my phone assuming its chris i turn it around to find Nick frantically texting me.

Nick Bean 🫘

Y/N??

WHAT DID MY BROTHER DO?!

ARE YOU GUYS BROKEN UP?

WHO I NEEDA FIGHT??

i guess news travels fast in the sturniolo household.

Y/N 🎀

no we’re not broken up, he didn’t tell me that he was filming with tara, told me he was filming with you and matt, but i found out from a tiktok.. all of his comments were shipping him, and i know our relationship is private but like nick… i love your brother so much..

i start crying harder then i’ve cried before. i never would have thought chris would make me cry like this, never, he’s always been so communicative with me. why start this now?

Nick Bean 🫘

what the fuck..

why?

but i have to say one thing Y/N, you know he would never leave you, i can say that, i can’t justify his actions but i can say he loves you dearly.

was i overthinking? he lied. was i being dramatic? he lied.

Y/N 🎀

i know nick, but i jus need a couple days to cool down.. that’s all im asking, a couple days to get his ass straight

i put my phone down and power it off so i can sleep without interruptions, or at least try and attempt to sleep.

about an hour later i woke up, tears staining my face, mascara still running down my cheeks, my heart aches. why would chris do something like this.

Two Days Later

the past two days i’ve heard nothing from anyone, nick hasn’t checked on me, matt hasn’t, and i expected chris not to check on me considering he’s playing the victim card.

New Message Requests from Ms.Yummy on instagram!

hm? tara texted me? god she’s probably the last person i expected to hear from.

Mrs.Yummy

Hey girl! so i heard about you and chris! i just want to say he did tell me all about you, he bragged so much about you!! sorry if things got mixed up between me and chris!! nothing is going on between us! i hope you can forgive him! <3

so i’m guessing chris texted her. wow. he can text her but not me? are you kidding me? i clicked on her profile and found myself gazing at her pictures, looking at the way she does her eyeliner, the way she dresses, her smile, her nonexistent acne, her perfect makeup. fuck i’m doing it again, but i’m not answering her.

Movies, sleep, cry, shower. that’s my routine for the last 2 days. i can’t live without him. maybe he’s right. maybe i am insecure. maybe i am jealous.

fuck it.

Y/N

come over at 5. we need to talk.

i texted chris. we needed to fix whatever problems we had. weather it’s me being insecure and jealous or chris lying to me. we needed to fix things.

Chrissy 🎀

i’m coming over now.

fuck. i had no time to get ready, i looked like shit, felt like shit, still had stains on my face from tears. never mind, i didn’t care, i just needed my boyfriend back.

about an hour waiting for him i was in between dozing off and staying awake, i hear keys jingling at my door. damnit he has a spare key. he slowly walks in holding flowers and my favorite gummy candies and chocolate.

“Hey Y/N i’m sorry it took so long, i ubered all around LA, you know how embarrassing that is? matt refused to drive me anywhere today. him and nick are both mad at me since the whole…yk?” he started nervous smiling.

“these are pretty, and thanks for the food” i say walking up to him with a straight face, and grabbing things from his hand and placing them on my kitchen counter.

“so now what?” he placed his hand on the counter.

“i don’t know chris, You told Tara about our relationship problems obviously, she took your side” i rolled my eyes.

“look i know i fucked up Y/N, i should have just told you about filming with Tara, i shouldn’t have lied..” he starts

“you didn’t just lie Chris. you lied to my fucking face even when i questioned you.. THEN you told Tara about us and she fucking texted me all silly and ass kissing me.. how do you think i’ve felt? genuinely curious how do you think i’ve been doing?” i sit on the counter with my arms crossed staring at him looking at the floor.

“well uhm by the looks of things around here, and your stained cheeks, not good…” he continued to look at the ground moving his ring on his finger around in circles around his finger.

“chris you’ve got me looking in the mirror differently thinking i’m flawed, i mean look at Tara? she’s fucking beautiful, she’s skinny, she’s funny, she’s got amazing style, and definitely good taste in men if she’s interested in you..” my voice fades off and i start breathing in and out trying not to cry.

“fuck” he whispers “Y/N you’re all of that and more… no i’m not making this up, you’re absolutely the right woman for me, i should have told you about tara, im just saying i should have never made you feel different about yourself, i shouldn’t have lied, and i shouldn’t have lied to you. i’m sorry Y/N, for everything, im sorry for making you feel any less then perfect, you’re so very perfect to me” he grabs both sides of my face looking at me deep in the eyes. “you” he kisses my forehead “are” he kisses my right cheek “so” he kisses my left cheek “perfect” he finally places a little kiss on my lips making me smile.

“there’s that beautiful smile i’ve missed” he says still cupping my cheeks making a soft pink color appear on my cheeks.

“i’m sorry chris, i may have overreacted but im sorry for causing an emotional distress upon our relationship” i softly smile.

he places his hands down besides my legs on the counter “that doesn’t matter anymore. i promise from here on out, no matter what, no matter who, i will tell you who im filming with, okay?” he holds out his pinkie, i roll my eyes and intertwining my pinkie with his and smiling.

“i just want you Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, only you, one day i’m gonna make you take my last name, i can PROMISE you that” he says kissing my lips softly.

“i only want you Christopher Owen Sturniolo” i smile back softly giving him another peck on the cheek “can we take a nap please… i haven’t been sleeping good lately… and i just want you to hold me” i look down and back up at chris with his blue eyes gazing down at me smiling.

“yes but i have to do something before anything okay? but you can’t look” he smirks

“i’m confused but okay..” i smile softly.

Liked by Nicksturniolo, Mattsturniolo, MommyYN and others

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ChrisSturniolo WHOOPSIE FINGER SLIPPED.. Hard launch :) @MommyYn

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“CHRIS” i drag out the ‘s’ “no way..” i almost had tears in my eyes.

“now the entire world can see that you are mine and i am yours” he smiled kissing my lips softly “now we can take a nap.. come here ma” he opens his arms out for me i lay down on the couch resting my head on his chest and he kisses my head whispering sweet nothings to me, as i fall asleep peacefully for the first time in 2 days with my boyfriend.

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A/N pt 2 I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS!! again no hate to tara, i love tara, she’s an icon to me, this is completely fictional!! I LOVE YOU ALL

XOXO

Gabs 💋

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #tara yummy

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lightlycareless · 7 months

Note

I dont know if im doing this right or where im supposed to send this but ✨ lol

just want some smut from naoya' s perspective bahaha 🙃

Heya anon!

Sorry I took a while to respond, I'm still not used to writing smut so it's harder for me to write it. Nonetheless, I hope you're able to enjoy what I've prepared 😈 I'm so not used to writing Naoya's perspective, I feel like he can be very... difficult to write lol He's very very mean.

Anyways, this takes part during their honeymoon (referring to this fic here hehe to my non-followers) an example of what was going on when they were away for the rest of the world.

I must say that it's not nice, it's straight up non-con explicit content. So minors, please do not interact.

Now, without further ado.... happy (as much as you can I guess lol) reading!

“What are you doing standing all the way over there, my love?” Naoya would say upon noticing your figure just by the corner of his eye, stopping his training set just to acknowledge you.

A smile parts his lips at the peculiar sight of you just standing there, silently staring at him with those big round eyes of yours he always loved to stare at, and finding it a bit humorous how you were all the way to other side of the training grounds, appearing shy to be in his presence—adorable really, as if the two hadn’t done more than enough at that point to remove all… formalities.

It doesn’t take much to put Naoya right in the mood, and your unwitting gestures would be the perfect example.

“C’mere” he orders, but even then, you don’t respond, continuing to look at him in complete silence, and perhaps… reproach?

A sentiment that Naoya catches all too quickly, pausing his amusement and replacing it with irritation.

“I said—come here.”

Your husband never liked being rough with you, outside of bed that is. It was undeserving of the one he considered to be the love of his life; but his family did well in telling him that a woman of your background needed to be heavily worked on if she was to become of his standards.

He can’t be too disappointed though, for while there was still a bit of resistance on your side, after he was done with you the first night, you’ve become much more compliant to his requests.

Just like this one, which as soon as he enunciated those words, Naoya would find you making your way to him, stopping just a few inches away—quickly closed when he decides to grasp you by the arm, swiftly pull you into his chest, and encase you with his arms.

Beaming for the closeness of his wife, a wide grin appears on his lips as he now glances down to you, hoping to get a better look of that cute face he adores—but when he notices that your gaze is anywhere but on his, his frustration returns, quickly remediated by moving his hand up to your face, grabbing your cheeks and forcing you back to him.

“Why are you so shy out of the sudden? It’s not like I bite or something.” He frowns, before chuckling. “Not that hard anyways.”

You don’t respond, rarely do as a matter of fact, but he doesn’t mind, not when he just wants to hear the sound of his voice alongside your occasional agreements.

“I missed you today, you know?” he murmurs, resting his hands just below your waist. “It’s unbearable when you’re not around—why can’t you just stay here?”

Silence. Naoya sighs. Maybe he did want a bit more than just a nod for this occasion.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” he says.

You swallow.

“No” you quietly respond “Obviously not…”

“Then answer, princess. You make me feel like I’m interrogating you, you know?” He likes the chase, but now that the two are married, is there anything else to chase?

“I didn’t want to… bother you” you whisper. “You seemed busy.”

“Is that so?” He grins, undeniably pleased by your supposed consideration, ignorant to the fact that you were actually trying to look for a way to contact your family during your 2-week stay at his family ryokan, solely returning when one of the staff members blatantly lied at your face by saying that the phone was unavailable (after she used it) and rapidly redirected you back to your husband’s location.

Naoya would later hear about this but would fail to play out the appropriate consequences due to his preference of indulging in the vast, seemingly interrupted time he’d have with his wife—any wrongdoings could be dealt with back at the estate.

This was his honeymoon, after all.

“How sweet” Naoya says, pulling you impossibly closer to him—you whine at the harshness of his movement and the unwanted closeness, placing your hands over his chest in hopes to push him away, but his strength keeps you where he wants before leaning down to peck your lips. “My adorable wife looking out for me! What a lucky man I am.”

Naoya means half of those words, perhaps even lesser, given they were made in the same venomous, demeaning manner he always spoke to you. Truly, this marriage was only made with the benefit of one in mind.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m not upset by your absence” he says, his hands trailing down even further, making you flinch when he stops by your ass, harshly gripping it. “How are you going to make it up to me, hm?”

Is a question that wasn’t intended to be answered, or more like you didn’t have the opportunity to do so, for he already made up his mind and was only being nice.

“Strip”

“He—here?” you breathe, frightened eyes looking up to him. Naoya notes how you don’t question his actions anymore, just the timing if anything, and this advancement makes his cock stir—truly, you’re slowly being tamed into the perfect wife. “But—but someone is going to see—"

One he just can’t wait to devour.

“It’s not like they haven’t heard us before” Naoya responds, God knows the many, many times he’s bumped into flustered servants after being done with you, clearly embarrassed for overhearing the way he ravaged you.

Doesn’t mean he’ll want them to see you like that, but he won’t deny that the thought of it did something to him, or how you can’t do anything to stop him.

Naoya insists one last time.

“Strip” And in a trembling manner, you quickly begin to undo your obi, the layers of your kimono subsequently to the ground and revealing your bare body to him, nothing underneath, just as he’d ordered you to be for easier access, even when it was cold—a sight that yet again, stir’s Naoya’s cock harder, a tent in his pants now protruding against you, desperate to seek release, instinctively rubbing it against you.

Naoya then accommodates you by turning you around, placing your back to his chest while one of his hands scurries to take a hold of one of your breasts, the other finding comfort in the hotness of your cunt.

“Na—Naoya—!” you whimper, struggling between stopping his incessant attack on your nipples, hardened and far more sensitive due to the cold weather, or the squelching sounds your pussy made as he fingered you as roughly and deeply as possible. “Naoya—st-stop!”

“Already this wet for me?” He teases as he curls his fingers inside you, making you release a louder and obscener moan from your lip, hold on his arms briefly hindering—sign that he’s found that one spot that always make you come undone, proud that he’d done so in record time; as expected from the many, many times he’s claimed you by now.

“Fuck—you just keep getting wetter and tighter—how’s that even possible?!” He laughs, finding great enjoyment in the way he’s struggling to move his fingers inside your cunt, to which you could only respond with a whimper, tightly closing your eyes and pressing your lips together to avoid releasing any more moans, failing when he attacks your sweet spot again. “Oh, you liked that, didn’t you?”

You attempt to shake your head in rejection, but when he graces it again, your mind goes blank, a hot jolt of pleasure washing over your body, unwittingly tightening against his fingers, making you grasp his arms for support, release soon approaching.

“I barely even touched you, and you’re already cumming?!” He says when noticing these all too familiar signs, pride filling him as he continues to tease your cunt. “I really am lucky…”

The way he begins to rut against your ass, as if seeking his own release, as well as continuously fingering your velvety walls makes you clench around his digits one last time—Naoya can feel your heartbeat quickening, your gasps becoming shorter and louder, and he just knows you’re almost there.

So, he continues moving his fingers, as quickly and roughly as possible, stretching your cunt as wide as possible before pushing them further and further, almost as if he were trying to see how far he could reach.

Your orgasm is hanging on a thread by now, the briefest of graces in your sweet spot and you’ll come undone, but it only happens when Naoya decides to toy with your clit, pressing his thumb against it and rubbing it in such painfully delicious way that finally has you cumming.

Naoya feels your walls twitching for a quick second before your orgasm finally comes clamping down on his fingers, your eyes rolling to the back, mouth falling agape, allowing moans to escape as you take in on the dizzying, numbing orgasm your husband has given you for the nth time that week. You hold onto his arms for a bit longer before going limp.

Luckily for you, Naoya was there to grab you, all whilst feeling the subtle clenches of your cunt, remnants of your sweet release. Your velvety walls milked his fingers in such a way that almost made him regret not shoving his cock instead.

However, he wouldn’t have to wait long for that, for once you eventually quieted down and overcame your orgasm, Naoya would take the next step—not without humiliating you, of course.

“Look at this!” he jested once removing his fingers from your insides, admiring the slick coating his fingers as if it were a delicacy. “It’s like you wanted them to drown or something—you vixen.”

You try your best to look away from the embarrassing sight before you, of the way they glistened against the light or how he’d play with it, as if testing it’s… texture.

It was disgusting, hot, and humiliating—but that would be nothing compared to what Naoya did next.

“And sweet too” he’d say, and then, plunges his fingers inside his mouth, savoring your flavor before grinning.

After Naoya considered you well teased, he decides to release your breast from his hold and grab your face once again to turn it towards him. It’s obvious what he wants now, given the way he licks his lips and slightly pouts, so knowing better than to fight him you move your face closer to his and kiss him.

It was always surprising to see Naoya capable of softness, tenderly moving his lips alongside yours as if he were afraid of hurting you, but of course, it wouldn’t take long before his greediness took a hold of him, tongue quickly fighting its way past your lips and into your mouth, where he’d roam as freely as he wanted, touching each and every single crevice inside, whilst giving you a combination of his taste and yours.

You instinctively winced out of disgust and the frightening way he continues to kiss you, it’s almost like he’d want to eat you alive.

Salvation only comes when air becomes scarce between the two, and with one last push, your hands finally manage to separate him from you.

It takes a moment for Naoya to come back to the present, given the way his groggy eyes (almost if drunk by your presence) stare through you, but once out of it, he kisses you one last time before continuing.

“Get on the floor” he says, placing his hands over your waist. “On four”

There’s no time for questioning, but even if you knew the arrangement between the two, you couldn’t help but protest.

“Naoya—”

“What is it now?” He rolls his eyes, tired of your seemingly incessant complaints, the two have done this thousands of times at this point, so what’s the issue now?

His aggressive response makes you quiet down for a bit, and he sees you hesitate for a bit, but he knows he doesn’t have anything to worry about, more so when the bane of your existence turned out to be something, well, silly in his own words.

“I don’t… want to get… dirty” you quietly add, and Naoya chuckles.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” he smirks “We’re only going to get dirtier from here onwards, princess. You know that, right?”

Well, if he supposes it’s such a bother to have him fuck you on the ground… he guesses he can compromise.

“I know what we can do” Naoya says after quick thinking, a position he already had in mind for a while now. “Let me see… I have to do this first—”

He doesn’t even ask for permission before he’s already grasping your left leg, hand behind your knee, and lifting it just above his arm. It’s a position that exposes your intimacy completely, rightfully startling you and having you grab his shoulders for support.

“Naoya—!” You attempt to fight against his hold, end this humiliating position before anyone incidentally barges into the training grounds, but (un)fortunately for you, the moment the nearby staff knew you were there, steered clear of the premises. “N—no! Not like this!”

Naoya doesn’t care to react, per usual, not when he knows he’s just a few moments away from entering you, already aligning his cock to your soaked slit.

“Have to do this first” he says, as if you were asking for an explanation. Well, at least your husband had the decency to somewhat prepare you for what’s to come. “Hold me”

“Wha—”

“Hold me, unless you want to fall” he urges again, desperate to get inside your sticky walls and drown in pleasure. Any other moment he would’ve not cared and just moved on, but you’re not any other person, you’re his wife, and he cares enough for you to not get hurt…

But if you don’t act fast, he’ll just might skip that over too.

“Or not—I don’t really care.”

Not like you were given much choice, because the moment he rubs against your cunt, dampening his cock, for better entrance, and begins to press past your folds and inside, you instinctively wrap your arms around your shoulders, whining as he inches deeper and deeper into your cunt, until the head finally nestles just by your cervix.

Naoya hisses, savoring the tightness and warmth of your cunt for a moment, enough to sway him away from what he was supposed to do, but he quickly composes himself, snaking his other hand underneath your right thigh, and with unparallel swiftness, pulls your body up, making you hold him even tighter.

His heart skips a bit when finding your actions to be surprisingly adorable, cooing at the intimacy in such a way that would make any man marry you on the spot.

Luckily for him, you were already his.

“Hold on tight” he breathes against your ear, giving one last adjustment to his hold on you. “Wouldn’t want you to fall.”

And then, he promptly begins to jump you over his cock, roughly slamming your hips onto his as he now seeks that pleasure he could never abstain himself from.

It’s an addiction, the way your pussy grips his cock so, so tightly, how it always seems to milk it dry, makes him never want to leave. Never want to pull away, back into the cold and lonely closure of his pants, wanting to spend all day, every day, inside the comfort of your sticky walls, instead, dreaming of the moment he’d get to be by your side and do just that.

But he guesses he’ll do with what he has, making up for his disappointment by instead fucking you in any way and place possible, just as he’d been doing since arriving to the estate, having started by the bedroom, the bathroom, the dining hall, and now… the training grounds.

His mission will always be to make a mess of you every single time, and today will not be an exception, soon finding your sensitive spot and relentlessly attacking it once again, making you whimper whenever grazing it.

“You—you like that, don’t you” Naoya snicker, getting a better hold of your ass to continue harshly plunging you against him. The tip of his cock bruises your cunt in a way that only lets you moan in response, but he wants words this time. “Answer me, princess, do you—do you like that?”

“Hmmnnngh!! N—Nnn!!” you whimper, pressing your lips as tightly as possible to avoid responding, but one particularly harsh thrust has you opening your mouth wide, releasing an obnoxiously loud moan—and you swear you could feel him grow bigger. “N—no!”

“Don’t lie to me, slut” He chastised, marking his fingers on your skin in retaliation. “I can feel you tightly clenching on my cock—So, I’ll—I’ll ask you again”

It’s evident that he isn’t thinking of anything but the warmth of your walls and the blood rushing to his cock, seeking that thread of pleasure and how to get to it fast enough—and one of his favorite to-go thing for that is your voice letting him know how much of a mess he’s making out of you.

It’s like a reward for a job well done. Your squirms, whines, moans and babbles, all stirred something inside him that pushed him to want more, and more.

He damns the day he met you but doesn’t regret it at all.

“You like that, don’t—you?” He breathes as he continues plunging deep into your core. “You were all shy, but—but this is what you wanted all along!”

“Nao—Naoya” you squirm, holding tightly against him, and your gesture puts him to the moon, confusing it with submission to his pleasure instead of embarrassment, believing you wanting to be as close to him as he makes you unravel.

And he loves it.

“Yeah—you love that, don’t you?” Naoya grins “Of course you do, I made you like that after all. I knew that once you have my cock you wouldn’t be able to let it go—!”

How he manages to swiftly thrust deep into your core with this position is something that surprises even himself, if not make proud, more so when he’s able to keep a continuous pace that was sure to make him finish soon enough.

Either way his goal is clear, and as he keeps getting closer and closer to his release, his thrust becomes sloppy, making his hold falter on you for a quick second, before regaining his momentum. It doesn’t take much longer for that familiar jolt of pleasure to invade his senses, thrusting faster into you before keeping you still, forcing you down on his cock while it twitches, and then, releases his hot seed inside you.

He groans when he feels his cock begin to fill your cunt, pushing closer to you as an attempt to reach as deep as possible and completely coat your walls—he bites his lips, resting his head against your shoulder as you can’t do anything else but hold him, eyes closed tight as you wait for him to finish.

After a few seconds of having you in this position, feeling sated for what would be the first orgasm of the day, Naoya then looks back at you. It’s only for a brief moment that his eyes lock with yours, because he’d then look at your lips, lick his, and capture them in a heated kiss to seal his high.

It’s just as intense as before, if not a bit sloppy, given the seemingly reckless way he moves alongside you, but that doesn’t stop him, going on like that, cock still inside you, for a bit longer and only leaving when the bliss of his orgasm calms down, enough to clear his mind, and the need of air proved too much to keep ignoring.

“Y/N” He breathes, unsheathing his cock from your tight walls and invertedly unplugging his seed from inside you. A drop manages to slide down your thigh, other to the ground, and the sight of it makes Naoya mad with desire.

He knows he’s given the staff more than enough evidence that he’s keeping up with his marital duties, more than enough work to clean after—and no matter how many times he’s done this, nor the incessant ways you’ve complained to him to at least keep things clean, he still gets the same rush at the first time.

It kind of saddens him to see his seed being discarded so easily, guess he has to “make up” for the spill, now.

“Y/N” He says again, almost in trance as the bliss on his eyes begins to diminish “You can do better than that, can’t you?”

His words could only signify the beginning of a long afternoon, where his cock would find it’s way back into you—and it did, various times.

The way he’d take you wouldn’t be him holding you up, he’d instead would follow through his initial request, placing you on the floor and on all fours, still indifferent of the complaints you given him, and take you from behind.

This position, while simple, was one of his favorite for he could be far more relentless, harsher if you must, and lewder too— it gave him endless possibilities, such as using his hands to knead any part of your body he could get a hold of, either from moving your hips to the pace he wanted, landing his palm on your ass, enjoying the way you’d squeal whenever his skin would touch yours, growing harder when seeing the redness forming on it.

And of course, the vulgar way his hips would sound against you, sometimes, it’s all he ever hears.

Or he’d have you ride him, letting you do all the work as he sits back, relax, and enjoys the way your tits bounce before him, occasionally raising his hands to twist and pinch your hardened nipples, or even taking them in his mouth, letting tongue do the teasing while forcing you to stay there by wrapping his arms around you, rolling your hips against him as your cunt softly clenches around his cock.

The day would only end when he’s found himself rightfully sated by spilling his seed inside you countless times, to the point where it would dribble down your legs and to the floor, such a disgusting view you opted to not look at it this point anymore, knowing well that no matter how many times you ask him to not make a further mess, he would just incite you more.

His fingers would find his way inside you, teasing and stretching your walls to give you that nauseous jolt of pleasure once more, making his seed and your slick gush when you cum and splattering on the ground.

Naoya found immense pleasure in the way his seed would slide out your hole, a satisfaction that reassured him he had officially marked you—far from any legal paper, or the acknowledgement of anyone else, this was his way to tell the world you were his.

Mark you. Scent you.

You were his woman, no one else’s.

But you never felt the same, ever, especially when you’d turn to your side, away from him gaze and begin to cry.

Naoya has seen you cry before, mainly during the act, but this time felt almost… eerie. Your tears weren’t of pleasure, overwhelmed by his gestures, and it makes him confused.

Well, at least he’s still able to admit that he doesn’t like the way you’re silently sobbing to yourself, further and further inching away from him as you do so.

Thus, your husband is quick to close the space between the two, wrapping his arms around you and ignoring the way you tense up against him before continuing.

“Why are you crying?” He asks, he couldn’t be any less invested, but he guesses he could care. You’re his wife, after all.

You don’t respond for the first insistence, nor for the second, and at this point Naoya grows a bit more concerned.

Not a whole lot, perhaps not genuinely, but he doesn’t like how you keep going on like this—it presents a hindrance to his plans, after all.

“Tell me” he persists “Why are you crying, my love?”

And you don’t know what it is that motivates you to answer, perhaps falling victim to his unusually soft words, confused by the numbing sensations he’s given you, but in between hiccups and sobs, you concede to tell him.

“I want to go home—!”

And the revelation… squeezes Naoya’s heart, forcing a smile out of him. But of course, it’s not because he feels empathy towards your feelings, nor understands what you actually mean with those words.

His twisted mindset could only perceive this as a false eagerness to start your new life with him—settle down as his wife, the future lady of the Zen’in estate, and live out the rest of your days with him.

“Aww, my love…” He says with a grin, nuzzling against your ear—you’re too deep into your emotions to even acknowledge him “We’ll be home soon—let’s enjoy this time for ourselves, without anyone else… just the two of us, ok?”

“I want—I want to go home…” you continue to say, attempting to retreat further and further into yourself but your husband simply does not allow it. He doesn’t want you to, not when your words have awoken something else in him once more…

“Just—stay like this” he says, aligning the tip of his cock onto your slit, holding you right there as he pushes past your folds and inches slowly inside you, the way your walls envelop his member is agonizingly delicious, he dares not ruin it by pushing through in one swift movement.

He was insatiable.

Naoya had just used you in all ways possible, marked you however possible.

And he still wanted more.

“Just—do this for me, my love” He breathes, hips starting to rut against you. You continue to cry. “And I’ll give you—everything. Anything you want—it’s yours.”

It wouldn’t take long before Naoya finds the right pace and focuses on solely seeking his pleasure, doing whatever he could to find that spot that always made you clench, hold onto his cock as if the mere thought of being empty was enough to drive you mad, and subsequently push him over the edge.

His hand snakes down to your clit, relentlessly rubbing and pinching the bud until you soon begin to see white, softly pleading him to stop, as you attempt to push back the inevitable—Naoya doesn’t concede, if anything, his fingers just work faster, teasing it as if it were his own personal toy and finally—makes you cum.

You whine as the familiar wave of pleasure overwhelmed your senses, softly moaning as Naoya grabs you tighter and harshly plunges against you, his member reaching the deepest part of your core and spilling his burning seed inside you.

He instinctively ruts again you a few more times, attempting to plug his cum inside you while lamenting (not so much) that some of it had managed to escape your rim, although the sight it offered was far more alluring than anything else, making his cock twitch as he continues to empty himself in you.

Naoya had long lost count of how many times he’d finished inside you, but he can say it was enough for the day. He was exhausted, possibly far more than any training could’ve given him, at least that was made up for—however, he never felt this sense of intimacy when done with his workout, quick to seek reassurance by turning you around and getting a good look at your flustered face, slightly parted lips, and teary eyes as you tried to regain your breath.

He stares at you for a few more seconds, admiring the result of his work before leaning down to kiss you.

And the gesture, perhaps an effect of his post-orgasm bliss, makes him say:

“I love you.”

Whether he knows the true meaning of those words, or not, it doesn’t really matter. It was what came out of him at that moment, what he wanted to tell you. And even if you didn’t return them, he didn’t care much for it.

Not when he had the rest of his life to hear them, countless future opportunities opening before him, for this was only the beginning of his marriage.

#ask #series side stories: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk x you

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compassionatereminders · 6 months

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i guess you could call this a vent or whatever but im going to tell you about something that has been making me crazy lately

so when i was like 3 i took a serious blunt force blow to the forehead. our house had hardwood floors and my brother had left a sock on the floor and i slipped on it and hit my head on the rounded corner of our oak coffee table. it left an inch long open wound and i was completely dazed and unresponsive, but conscious.

here is where i start getting frustrated. my mom didnt call 911 or take me to the ER, she took me to our family pediatrician. already really questionable imo but it gets worse. so ive got this gaping hole in my forehead and im unresponsive right? so what do they do? sew my forehead shut right there in the pediatricians office while i watched. didnt give me any anaesthetic or anything because i was, again, completely unresponsive.

then my mom was like "okay you arent bleeding anymore, can i leave now so i can go see the play i wanted to see?" but at this point im screaming and crying because im a toddler with fucking brain damage and a stitched wound that still hurts.

so she just took me home and that was that. and then for months afterwords she couldnt get me to wake up in the morning so she stuffed my limp body into my school clothes herself and took me to preschool half asleep. and then nobody ever spoke about it again except to make jokes.

its been two decades and i am only now realizing that ive had serious brain damage the whole time. my mom and brother have been shaming and belittling me for years for displaying symptoms of the brain damage that they gave me. my mom calls me a fucking spaz and my brother is pissed because he thinks i get "special treatment" instead of realizing that i need more help because he gave me brain damage. its like the final puzzle piece that explains why my life is such a mess.

and im just so overwhelmed by the fact that my mom and brother are directly responsible for the immense suffering ive endured over the past 20 years. all my health problems, the mental illness, the inability to avoid being abused, its all because of the brain damage. and they keep making fun of me for it. im not even mad im just. horrified. the sheer negligence of it all makes me sick. how many people like me are out there suffering from old brain injuries they didnt realize they had?

its like my brain cant even comprehend how fucked up the whole situation is. which is why im here telling it to you in the hopes that you will agree that its very bad 🙃

This is abuse and neglect on a level that no one and nothing could ever justify and I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. You deserved SO much better! ❤️

#chat with kat #abuse tw #child abuse tw #neglect tw #child neglect tw #medical neglect tw #medical abuse tw #trauma tw #injury tw #ableism tw #danger tw

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on-leatheredwings · 5 days

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How I feel before the fic - 6/10, 😐🙃🫠🙍🏻‍♀️

Right off the bat, can feel how frustrated darling is with the way dami asks things!!! Can practically see the fuckin eye roll as he asking where and with who!! (As if he probably doesn't have a tracker on half the shit darling owns)

Pls the way Damian is questioning darling like it's an interrogation! And then is almost like okay and? When darling answers him!!! Like sir!!

Firmly believe that yes Dami is much better than when he first arrived at the manor, he still has those moments where the teachings fucking seep into his frontal lobe like something awakening. Hence the 'owning' darling part and the fact that he gets why it's not socially acceptable but.....neither is half of the other things he does so it's kinda catch 22 with that one for him at times.

AND RHEN SAYING HE WOULD HAVE STOPPED HAD HE KNOWN DARLING FELT THAT WAY WHEN IK FOR A FACT HE WOULD SIMPLY NOT BE SO OPEN ABOUT IT!!! HE WOULD KEEP THEM AS INSIDE THOUGHTS !

Damian the manipulative king ngl

Man's probably thinks manipulation is much more extreme than what he's doing, probably considers what he does is just expressing himself :/

Damian really thinking he can talk darling down until being "threatened" with darling actually leaving!

My baby boy, yr father's relationships are ALSO UNHEALTHY! FIGHTING ESPECIALLY IN SUCH CAPACITY ISNT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN LOVE?!??!

him on his knees as a way to show you his devotion, willingly kneeling before only you and ever only you is something that means the highest level of love and devotion. And then the please, and the kissing? It's him trying to show you the fact that you're his deity and only wishes to keep you safe from the grime that is humanity! AND THEN ASKING TO CORRWCT HIS BEHAVIOR? ESSENTIALLY BEGGING TO ATONE FOR HIS SINS AT THE FEET OF HIS DIETY????

He just wants his soul to mingle with yours<3 your life lines intertwined in such a way that it'll extend past this life time<3 you'll be each other's in any and all times.

Damian is dastardly good at reminding darling why it's him. The way his body was born into this world to be with you and give you pleasure, as you were to him. You've belonged to each other since your first breaths and you will continue to be so until your last. At least, that's what he thinks.

The way you write Damian is so good, I really just adore it because it's so him but also just.....I can't see him falling in love normally. It always ends up like this, it's damn near hereditary. It's so good. Loved this fic and all the other Dami fics you post<3

Me after reading this - 9/10🫡🙂‍↕️🤤😲🥴🤭

Also no cookies yet, forgot I needed to soften the butter so been waiting on that while reading.

Much love Damian anon

Pls the way Damian is questioning darling like it's an interrogation! And then is almost like okay and? When darling answers him!!! Like sir!!

tell me why i got pissed off and i wrote it KJGHJSLDJFAHISD . while damian worships darling he also is. Damian. also at that point he just thought 'oh we're fighting right now. whatever. lovers fight (bruce x talia/selina) its always fine in the end,' not 'oh i'm about to lose your ass' KGHDSIOJHISDGI so he course-corrected real fast

Man's probably thinks manipulation is much more extreme than what he's doing, probably considers what he does is just expressing himself :/

EXACTLT YY EXACTLY YOU'RE IN MY BRAIN . YOURE IN MY BRAIN!!!! LIKE ITS JUST HILARIOUS THINKING ABOUT YAN DAMIAN B/C HE REALLY JUST THINKS HE'S EXPRESSING HIMSELF. he thinks "i'm just being forthcoming this can't be manipulation." HE'S SOOOO MISGUIDED AND EVIL BUT DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT. ITS SO SAD I LOVE IT . he thinks mistreating you would be like physical abuse or yelling at you.

IM GLAD YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE HIM... i'm still trying to nail all the parts of him <3 the beautiful, devoted parts <3 the bitter, spiteful parts <3 the dark, broken parts <3 he's such a conundrum what will i do with him

AND THEN ASKING TO CORRWCT HIS BEHAVIOR? ESSENTIALLY BEGGING TO ATONE FOR HIS SINS AT THE FEET OF HIS DIETY????

damian and his reverence for his darling is just peak idk what to say . 🚬 he doesnt just love you he genuinely worships you. also redemption is a huge part of his arc in canon (redeeming himself from being an assassin even though he literally was raised and groomed into it help), he finally believes he can change. you've changed him! he can change, just give him a chance.

THANKY OU FOR THE LONG REVIEW TEEHEE MADE MY DAY... i like can't look at my fics once theyre posted but i also just love to talk about them or really, just the characterization in them...

and rats! no cookies now.... BUT COOKIES SOON!!!

#ask

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yoonia · 6 months

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❥ replies for “The (im)Perfect Ending | knj (18+)”

@btsffreader92

I'm kinda disappointed with this ending and frustrated with OC always keeping things to herself. Joon has a right to know about the baby boy and the boy deserves to have his father. And OC should've given Joon a chance to leave his wife regardless of the baby girl. A lot of marriages don't work out and coparenting can work. But I'm also mad at Joon for not mentioning he has a baby girl. I'm just disappointed with all characters in this but the writing was great!

I just realised the ending aligns with the title of the story since it was an imperfect ending 🙃🤣 I think I need to read some fluff or a crack fic now coz of how this story made me feel 🥲

I was going to say 🤣 🤣 Yes, there is no perfect ending to this story, as stated from the title. The title really represents the ending of THEIR love story and this fic in general, and it is also connected to the metaphors that are being used throughout the fic itself to describe the dynamics of their relationship. Neither of the characters are perfect either, as they both have their own flaws which eventually brought them together. So you can probably say that the decisions that they make may not make sense to some, but they do make sense for them.

If you look back, you might notice that she never truly finished writing the letter. I mentioned this somewhere before, but I did that on purpose to allow the readers to have their own perception of how their relationship ends and what she would write at the end of the letter. Will she tell him about the baby? Or will she just disappear after leaving the letter? Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts on this one <3

@strwwbbrri

OMGG😭😭 this …this is what i’m talking about when i say i want ANGST. Perfection 👩🏻‍🍳💋

Thank you!! I never intended this one to finish with that much angst, but it happened anyway 🥺 thank you for reading!

@travelgurrl

This was beautifully written. But ouch

Aww I'm glad you thought so! Not the pain though lol. I'm glad you enjoyed this writing.

@moonleeai

This has to be one of the most heartbreaking angst fics to ever exist. Holy hell. It was beautifully written and really fucking SAD!!! 😭 The ending fits so well considering everything going on! But damn. Yeah. Okay. I’m gonna need a few days 🥺😩

Thank you for being so sweet 🥺 The ending was rough for all of us (me included lol) but I'm glad that worked out for you as you read it.

#replies #fic: the (im)perfect ending #misc: feedback #btsffreader92 #strwwbbrri #travelgurrl #moonleeai

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drottni · 1 year

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LBFAD rewatch observations part 5

1. Shangque is so pure and straightforward.

2. The way DFQC immediately latches onto any explanation of XLH's behavior of saving him. When Shangque says "she had an opportunity to escape but she gave it up to save you. It shows that..." and DFQC eagerly turns to him and says "shows that?" like yesss please?!?! tell me what does this mean?!?!? someone! anyone! And then immediately rejects the idea of "she's becoming a loyal subject like me!"

3. No words for how beautifully soft that petal shower scene is. Her joy and his smile. 🥺

4. The great Dongfang Qincang and his weakness for Flower Cakes made by his wife.

5. "Damutou is more intimate" !! 🤝🏼 "You can call me whatever you want" !! 🙃🙃🙃🥺

6. Man. Dylan Wang's acting in that "high on XLH's emotions" scene was soooo goood. The tortured joy where he is laughing but you also see his frustration. The angry sadness where you can see him crying but also the rage. His shaking hands as he grabs the Jade Ring and the deep breaths to ground himself. Oof. *Chefs kisses*

7. Also can we just talk about the multiple times he has made a fool of himself in front of his advisors because of her shenanigans but like....it never impacted his reign. They just figured out logical explanations and kind of just went with it... (excluding Xunfeng ofcourse because he actually can and does question DFQC). Like his advisors must be having headaches from the whiplash of emotions he gave them 😆

8. Sulking DFQC and coaxing XLH are the cutest. Ignoring her as they leave the pond illusion. The way he is shaking as he tells her she could have died if he didn't come on time and that she has to stay within his sight always. Her offering up the Destiny Book to please him. His disgruntled "oh so you fixed it right away for Changheng, I see how it is" her "ah but you know what saved me! This little inside thing that only you and I know!". And then finally him easing off and telling her "I would find you anywhere" and her teary eyed "My master who was the dearest person to me said the same thing and you...." All the little ways these two say "I love you I love you" without yet realizing that they do.

9. HIS HANDS. When she passes out and he catches her. His hands just rubbing her shoulder out of affection, concern, the need to feel she is still here alive with him. Ahh. That subtle movement 👌. (Also. Her just passing out from the exertion of her powers and maybeee from the almost realization that this menace of a king, the great Moon Supreme, might also be someone very dear to her. Like yes gurl I too would just pass out on the brink of such a realization)

10. "Are you still angry?" *cute little smile* "No" *sulk* "Yes you are" *pout*... "Damutou, I'm soooryy" *big puppy eyes* "Eat." *melted under the ray of her sunshine*. THE CUTEST BABIESS. (I love that she apologizes. Despite the fact that her intentions had never been to run but she acknowledges that she put him in a bad situation. That she sees how much this upset him and she is sorry for that.)

11. "You can't just come into my heart" 🤝🏼 "I can go wherever I want" 💀💀

12. "Why was I allowed to in the past? What's the difference now?" XLH: UHM SIR I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH YOU THEN. DO YOU MIND IM TRYNA HANDLE THESE NEW FEELINGS.

13. DFQC is such a heavy full of depth and compelling character and I just love Dylan Wang's portrayal and I just--- gahhh! *muffled screams*

14. I don't think I can express in words how much I love the scene of DFQC turning away from XLH while he weeps and then turning and collapsing into her. It is art. It is poetry. It is EVERYTHING. Dylan Wang's acting my god. The pain the sorrow the need for comfort its all so beautifully expressed on his face. XLH's tears and pain for him. The hands. Ofcourse the hands 😭😭 Also. XLH refusing to give up until she found the thorn pricking at him and pulled it out so he could heal. I love her. For seeing the pain and anger buried in him and saying "something here is not right. His reputation as a terrible monster who slaughters his family is wrong. I will figure this out and I will help him however I can" and then doing it! Refusing to back down even at the last minute when he says it isn't her place to ask! Being there for him as he goes through the grieiving process. Fiercely defending him against everyone who dares to say he is heartless. God. I love them both.

15. Head empty no thoughts just DFQC's little hand gesture stopping XLH in her tracks before she can come to stop him from taking the lightening strikes.

16. DFQC asking her to teach him how to be warm towards people because no one ever taught him that 😭😭

17. Her teaching him how to smile by showing it to him and then suggesting to also "hug" Xunfeng and his love adled brain IMMEDIATELY going "How?" *puppy eyes* and her immediately almost folding him into a hug but just barely stopping herself! You cannot tell me he did not know that would happen. He definitely knew she would "show" not "tell" and most definitely wanted her to hug him. We already seen him be sneaky as heck when telling her "No I am still weak I neeeeed you to help me walk" when it was straight up nonsense 😄 Even adding little fake coughs to convince her. I love me a sneaky husband who tries to coax more love out of his wife.

18. "This is the first time I have ever thanked a person. Don't refuse me." 😭🥲

That entire interaction of theirs is so giggle inducingly cute like omg the smiles they can barely contain the teasing "are my flower cakes ready?" "did you finish your medicine" "its too bitter *pout* but I did it, not a single drop left! *satisfied smirk*" AAHAHHHHHHHH but this line !! "Don't refuse me" !! Don't take this moment from me! Just let me adore youuuuuuuuu!!!!

#cang lan jue #love between fairy and devil #dong fang qing cang #dongfang qingcang #xiao lanhua #xiao lan hua #cdrama #lbfad rewatch

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waolom · 1 month

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if you're okay still talking about it, i'm assuming tms was something a professional recommended you get done (i could be wrong, i dont know much about it). How was that like? Were you hesitant to agree? How soon did you notice a difference after?

totally ignore this or pick and choose what to answer if you're not comfortable answering something 🙃

yes i’m okay with it absolutely! any questions you have im happy to help by telling you my experience! under the cut.

so i’ve been on countless medications including lithium and ket***** etc etc etc and basically nothing. i can only get so much relief but not enough and i expressed frustration to my psychiatrist that i felt hopeless because all these meds and minimal progress so she recommended tms!

i was actually stoked that i was referred and a candidate — i’ve been hoping to get it covered by insurance for years. finally was able to after the ket***** failed.

it was nerve wracking at first because they map your brain and your face twitches and it’s loud but i got used to it and it was totally fine. they said some people get headaches but i never once did?

i noticed feeling a touch better about halfway through the treatment and it’s slowly continued - they said it continues for six months after the treatments, too. so i’m hopeful this is going to be life changing for me. it already has begun to be.

#.ask the traffic lights

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biaswreckingfics · 1 year

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02:35 - in my head (by @leedosmoon)

"Goodbye."

You'd said goodbye instead of goodnight. That one syllable difference was bothering him so much. Why goodbye instead of goodnight? Hell, even bye would've been better. Why did it have to be goodbye? Were you well and truly done with him? Had he pushed you over the edge?

Minutes had ticked on by, and Sunwoo was no closer to getting his work done. Realising how hopeless he was, he pulled himself from the desk and let his body take over. Soon enough, he was outside, walking the moonlit night. He had no idea where he planned to go, he just knew he had to walk you off. But the second your favourite song sounded in his ears, the moment replayed in his mind and he knew he'd failed.

The look of shock on your face as the words slipped out of his mouth. The desperation in your voice as you changed the topic. The goodbye that fell so easily from your lips when he was leaving. He couldn't forget that.

A frustrated sigh escaped his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. God, he was in deep. He took a seat on a nearby bench, spreading his legs as he rubbed his face in his hands. Why goodbye? Letting out a breath, he turned to face the sky, longing for the stars to give him an answer to his thoughts. Maybe they saw something he didn't? Or maybe they knew what you were doing right now. The very thought filled him with envy: he was stuck on a random sidewalk bench with only himself as company. But the stars? Well, they could see you whenever they pleased. They knew how you were, what you were doing, who you were with. But they weren't telling him a thing.

Irritated by that simple notion, Sunwoo cursed at the stars and the moon. How was it fair that his nights were spent with thoughts and questions, all of you, not knowing if they'd ever be answered whilst you were merely a glimpse away for the objects in the sky.

No. It wasn't fair. And he'd be damned if he didn't do something about it. And that's how he'd ended up at your front door. His hair was a mess from the number of times his hands had gone through it. His eyes showed no signs of having slept properly. And his hands? He couldn't stop them from fidgeting. Not with how nervous he felt. He hadn't expected you to open your door. He didn't expect you to not slam the door shut in hus face. And he certainly didn't think he would hear the surprised "Sunwoo," in your voice again. But here he was. "Sunwoo, what are you doing here?"

"The moon, the stars..." he started but when he realised he would just be rambling, he began again. "You said goodbye,"

"What?"

"That night, when I was leaving... you didn't say goodnight, or bye. You said goodbye. I thought I was being ridiculous but then you started avoiding me. And it's been driving me insane. You know, I have 20 unanswered questions and that's the one that's been keeping me up at night! So please... just tell me, why goodbye?"

You faltered for a moment. You hadn't expected him to ponder over your words so much. You didn't even remember saying goodbye. You just knew you were scared. Scared that you'd fallen deeper for him than you could comprehend. You didn't mean to ice him out either; you just needed to get your head on straight so you could processing everything without Sunwoo jumbling your thoughts and feelings. You hadn't realised you'd not replied until Sunwoo spoke up again.

"Did I really scare you away," his voice sounded slightly broken and you hated that, even now, you couldn't bring yourself to say anything to soothe his ache. "I'm sorry... not for falling in love with you, I don't think I could ever regret that. I'm just sorry I pushed you so hard that you didn't even get a chance to fall in love too... Goodbye, y/n," and with that you watched the love of your life walk away...

~ this was inspired by in my head by nive

and im a total idiot bc i just noticed the submission box (sorry for spamming your ask) - can you tell im new to this app 🙃

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This story was so 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for writing it??? Especially just because of something I wrote??? My brain has exploded.

Yall, I read this with my mouth open before I even realized what I was doing, so check it out!!

#submission #leedosmoon #sunwoo x reader #sunwoo x you #sunwoo fanfic #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo angst

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khodorkovskaya · 11 months

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Like, those things all meant something to you too! That's a v important thing to you and in a relationship. People are meant to be supportive of each other, like, why couldnt he chear you on or show enthusiasm and encouragement towards you

yeah! and he never did! about anything!

idk if it's bc my period is coming up or bc i spent the night at my parents' place yesterday and that brought back old memories, but i thought about him again last night and cried. more specifically i remembered how i caught him watching porn... and it really broke my heart and still does.

i don't remember if i told this story here before but i'll tell it again bc it's such a clear example of what kind of behaviour to avoid in men.

so in my second year of uni i got really depressed. there was covid, i didn't see the point of studying anymore, i hated everything and our relationship was also going nowhere. im not gonna get into the details of it, but the important thing to know is that i was depressed. i lost weight, would burst out crying out of nowhere, i was a mess.

and when you're depressed, well, you have no libido. it felt like everything was frozen down there. i couldn't get my coochie to cooperate. and, as my ex never made any particular effort to console me or provide me with the least amount of care and compassion a depressed person could need, i didn't feel particularly motivated to sleep with him either.

and just as a side note, i talked about my depression a lot. my parents really helped me thru it and i started going to therapy so that it wouldn't get worse, i really tried my best to let it be known that i was depressed and that i needed help. and when it came to the sex stuff, i would also explain it to my ex, so that he wouldn't feel undesired. i even made a list of things that turn me on for him in at attempt to make things easier for him. (he didn't care at all about the list btw. bc things that turn me on aren't sexual enough i guess. it was mostly things like cuddling, having deep conversations, looking into each others eyes, romantic gestures, etc. it was too boring for him i guess.)

so anyway, time goes by and our sex life gets more and more frustrating. bear in mind he had previously told me on several occasions that in his mind cheating and not telling your partner about can be justified. he'd sometimes bring up things like "when couples get older, they usually don't have sexual chemistry anymore and the dad goes after the young secretary, you know what i mean hahaha? that's probably gonna be us one day hahahahaha". and coming from a family where the dad did leave the family for a younger woman, that really stood out to me. so even if he meant it as a joke, it was not funny to me at the slightest.

and so here i am, feeling sexually useless, my boyfriend telling me that im not trying hard enough and that he feels offended that i don't find him desirable anymore (even though i had told him a million times that that wasn't the issue) and then it hits me like shit.... here we go... he's gonna cheat on me just like he said. i can't provide him with what he needs, so he's gonna go find someone else.....

so every time we had sex it felt like it was some kind of exam i had to pass to keep him. i became overly conscious about what i did and how i acted in bed, i started feeling fat and started hating my body, it was horrible. and naturally, the sex became even worse. and so he became more and more pushy. and it became this vicious cycle.

bear in mind that as i said, i had made that list of things that turn me on. and plus i would also tell him that i felt like going on a date could maybe make things a bit better. we could spend some quality time together, have deep conversations, eat something nice and the romance could turn me on, it would be a win-win. but he never took me out on a date, not once 🙃

so the whole thing started in like april 2020 and it was reaaaally bad in winter 2021. and now it was setember 2021 and still no date, constant reminders of how im not good enough from his end every time we have sex and frustration upon frustration upon frustration.

summer is coming to an end and he's like "ohh we haven't gone hiking this year, let's go hiking, that could be your date". and im like shit, i don't like hiking. but he pushes me to do it. (and to be fair it was quite fun, but the point is he organised the camping trip for himself and not to please me.) so we're in the car, on our way to the mountains. i open his phone to look up google maps and... there's porn. gangbang porn. my whole world starts to crumble.

of course i cant live upto his expectations in the bedroom! im up against porn actresses! women who do this for a living! it's like comparing a regular person to a supermodel, like you can't compete with that. here i am, a regular girl without any spicy sexual fantasies, low self esteem and depression. my boyfriend prefers watching violent porn to making love to me and the only way to get him back is... to be better than porn actresses...? it's a lost cause, isn't it?

so im there like fuckkkk and he starts nervously laughing like "oopsie, you caught me ahaha". and i have two options: either A, confront him about it or B, suck it up and postpone the conversation until the end of the hike. and we're already at the mountains at this point. confronting him would mean making a uturn and ruining the "date" i was begging him for months for. maybe this hike could be my chance to get him back? he loves hiking, so if i show interest in hiking, maybe he would love me and be more compassionate with me! so i choose option B.

after walking for two days straight, the hike is finally over and we get home. im exhausted, my legs hurt like hell. as we lie in bed, he wants to have sex with me. i say "not now, im sooo tired", hoping that he will understand. we just came back from a two day hike! he will undestand, right? but of course he doesn't and he gets angry at me again. "this is why i watch porn," he says. and i want to die.

so i tell myself, i will do anything for him. i will prove to him that i can do it, that im capable!

(ive always had a deep fear of making the first move and initiating sex. what if he thinks that im a slut? what if i do something wrong and he will think it's weird?)

and so, despite my fears, i decide to sacrifice it all for him. my legs are in pain, my heart is pounding in my ears because im terrified, i feel like this is my last chance to get him to like me. so i roll over and start kissing him. the adrenaline is crazy, i feel like it's life or death. im holding back tears, as im thinking about the women in the porn videos he watches.

and my worst fear comes true.

he just lies there.

he doesn't kiss me back, he doesn't put his arms around me. he just lies there.

and im like fuck. here we go. im weird. im ugly. im useless. he's already made up his mind. fuck, maybe i deserve to be cheated on, im so worthless. it literally feels like my whole existence is falling apart. im devastated.

so i pull back from the kiss and ask him if he's okay. and he says "you see now? this is how i feel". he basically decided to punish me for saying no to sex earlier.

so yeah... it really broke my heart... and i don't know when it will heal. because i still think about it sometimes and it makes me cry.

and it really sucks because this whole thing could've been avoided if back in 2020 when my depression had just began, he'd just said "hey babe, you're not in the mood? that's okay! we can just cuddle and watch a movie if you want. im always here for you no matter what. we'll figure things out together, don't worry about it, okay? i love you!". that alone would've made me want to have sex with him. maybe if he had said that, my depression wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. i wouldn't have had the body issues and the self esteem issues and a broken heart... but it turned out his penis was more important than all of that.

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mrkis · 1 year

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So I have this story I want to share cause sometimes and opinion from a "stranger" can be more helpful. 😅

Basically, yesterday I received a message from an ex-colleague of mine (havent seen/talked to him in over 2 years). I had shared a funny real about "manifesting a sugar daddy" this year and he reacted to it and then asked if I find one to ask him where he can find a sugar mama, and I totally jumped on his joke and replied, however, I didnt expect for any further communication but man did he keep going. He kinda started flirting to which I started hyperventilating cause I havent spoken to him in years and it was all happening so damn fast..😵‍💫 He started complimenting me and saying I have what it takes to catch a guy's attention, that I cook well and its a full package deal (I have brought pancakes and brownie at work before and he has eaten it). And it was both flatering but also confusing. As you can tell he was making a move on me and was very clear with his intention for a hook up, cause he kept saying how he wouldnt turn me down if I asked and what not.

The crazy part comes here - he asked me how long has it been for me since the last time I had sex since I told him I dont do hook ups and I kinda lied and said that its been 5 years since I have been single for this long, but the thing is I actually still have my V card at age 25 ... 🫣 I have some experience, like I have went 2nd base with my ex (no blowjob tho) but still back then I didnt feel comfortable with him to go all the way so nothing ever really happened.

Dont get me wrong, Im not ashamed of being a virgin, but I am tired of the fear of admitting it to dudes, cause society has made it to be a bad thing when its not. Anyway, you can imagine how shocked he was at that and he even asked if at least I "help myself with the stress" and obviously I do, so there is that, but despite me saying I cant do one night stands because of this moral boundary he kinda kept going on how I should try it at least so that I dont regret it later in life and mentioned he wanted to "make me an offer". To that I said he is kinda late, cause well we dont even live in the same city anymore (I moved) and I also said that we can meet up for coffee but I cant give him what he wants from me. He was respectful of it, thank god, but my brain is my own villain. I now overthink shit and feel like I made a good and bad decision at once, cause horny me really wants to have sex and mind you I have always been sexually attracted to him. I had a crush on him for a month back in 2020 which was awoken because of a sex dream I had. I think he also had a crush on me later that year cause he kinda sorta asked me out to dinner during work but I thought it was a joke and reacted to it like a fucking loser (in my defense I was also on a call with a client /call center job). So we do have history, I also think we've always had this sexual energy and frustration but neither acted on it until well yesterday.

Moral me is saying I did the right choice, cause I want my first time to be with someone special and to mean sth, not be a hook up. Horny me is mad cause I was basically offered dick on a silver plate and said no ... 😩🙃

Sorry to drop this on you Cas, but I feel so comfortable sharing this with you 😅 I guess this blog is my safety place in so many aspects. ❤️

Also, how you doing, lovely? ❤️

for starters, his approach was kinda odd straight off the bat. don’t get me wrong, i’ve had conversations with people i haven’t talked to in awhile abt random shit and joked around with memes and whatnot, but the fact that you haven’t spoken in two years and he went into this conversation asking such personal questions rubs me the wrong way completely.

compliments are great, sometimes you cant go wrong with them and they do make you feel great, but the fact he was complimenting you just for a potential hookup is where it gets gross. there was…. no need, whatsoever. it shocks me how he was moving the conversation so fast lmao.

him asking abt the last time you’ve had sex is so…. eh. ew. sorry. it is. like, he doesn’t need to know this!!! at all!!! and it’s completely ok to be a virgin at whatever age. society shouldn’t shame people who are, it’s so silly. it has nothing to do with them. you shouldn’t be afraid of admitting it either, but of course that’s easier said than done. but trust me when i say that people (men, in your case) actually don’t give a shit abt whether you’re a virgin or not. you may think they do due to how society treats it, but they do not care. before i lost my virginity and was talking to this guy i liked, i had to admit that i was a virgin because i was scared of our relationship going further and that he might expect something from me. and he just looked at me like 🤨 and went “that’s ok? idc, it doesn’t bother me”. they don’t care! i promise! and if they do, they can go fuck themselves

“help yourself with the stress” what are these questions he’s asking😐 im so baffled rn. truly. this is unbelievable. and hold on….. tf does he mean abt “you might regret it later in life”??? what??? not experiencing a one-night stand??? tf??? why would he think you might regret something like that when you’ve made it perfectly clear you’re not into stuff like that🤨 crazy fucking behaviour.

personally, i think you made a good decision. because even though that turned on, horny side of you is wanting to have sex, that’s not exactly the real you, yk? you, normally, just wants to wait for that special someone that you connect with and that’s completely ok. you can wait for as long as you please. you control it. nobody else, please remember that.

and don’t feel sorry abt dropping this on me. i’m happy i can be some sort of safe space. you, and anyone else who is comfortable, can always come to me and vent/rant. i truly don’t mind. i’m all ears🖤

and i’m ok!!! i’ve been in my head recently and overthinking my own stuff and putting myself in bad moods but that’s my fault completely😭 i’m hoping that this new therapist i’m getting will be of help because when i get comfortable, they’re gonna hear some shit😭😭

#‣ [asks]#jaehyuns-adorable-dimples ⛧

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