When you need to be held... || Rick Grimes (TWD)
It wasn't long before the lamp by his bedside turned on -enveloping just a corner of the room in a yellow gaze, and blue eyes fixated on you.
"Hey," you whispered, in the dark of the bedroom -it wasn't yours, and you kind of felt like you were intruding but... you didn't know where else to go.
"Hey," suddenly, he seemed more awake, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up -concern furrowing his eyebrows together. The blanket (a white duvet) fell below his chest, and you saw the surge of skin there and felt somehow even more embarrassed, "-everythin' alright?"
You opened your mouth to respond, eager to explain yourself -instead, your eyes flickered to the window where the night sky was beginning to light up and guilt grounded your words to a halt.
"This is so stupid. Look, I'm sorry I'll-"
Rick was quick to cut you off, the gruff nature of his voice only exaggerating with the sleep slur, "No, no, it's not. I can... I can tell it's not. You wouldn't be here if it was."
You pursed your lips, the weight of your shoulders heavy as you stood in the doorway -hesitating, "I don't... Are you sure?"
"I wanna know," he was fully sat up now, awake and aware, "-if you wanna tell me."
"There's nothing to tell, I just... Shit-" you were rambling, your face turning a damning shade of crimson -afraid to voice what exactly you came here looking for.
It wasn't like it was unfounded, you and Rick had this... thing. You were dancing around it -letting him do things at his pace, and it was slow. Not that you minded, and normally, you'd be fine. It was just dawning on you that maybe it wasn't the same for him, maybe the slowness was a sign all on its own. Your thoughts had only spiraled from there. But this night... you'd taken a leap.
"Y/N, baby," he spoke (that was new), rubbing at his tired eyes with a sort of grin that sent butterflies to your stomach, "-I can't help if ya don't tell me what's wrong."
And without warning, it bubbled out of your throat -open and vulnerable, "I'm just lonely."
His look from that wasn't one you could read, everything was still new between you two after all. And the surge in your stomach of anxiety at his silence wasn't exactly helping; still, you waited, almost expecting him to quickly ignore what you'd said without so much as another thought.
"I'm sorry," you continued -before you could think much of it, "-I just... It's stupid, but I was just thinking if I'd ever been held. Like if anyone had, you know, held my hand, or cared for me in a way that didn't need words. It's been so long and I just thought- Well, I assumed which isn't fair to you-"
"Sweetheart," he was whispering now, the low tone fitting for the intimateness of the space -you could see his clothes from the day strewn on the floor and a few stray bottles of shaving cream on the bathroom sink just out of the corner of your eye (it was so him, you felt dizzy), "-there's nothin' to be sorry for. C'mere."
"Rick, you don't have to-"
"Look at me," he spoke, motioning you to his side -effectively stunting your train of thought, "-it's not a burden to help. It's fuckin' far from it, actually."
"Rick."
"Y/N."
"You don't-" you paused, stopping your voice in its tracks, and just looked at him. He was looking at you in a way you'd just barely gotten used to recently, eyes fuzzed over in that affectionate way, and he'd folded back the blankets delicately. The pillow was untouched, it was... like he had waited for this moment. And maybe he had.
"There it is," he spoke, a warm smile smoothing across his lips, "-you get I want you here now?"
"You..." you trailed off, it felt so new, and yet every fiber of your being somehow felt natural -why had you waited so long?
Your next few steps were slow and unsteady, as if he'd jump up and tell you to scram like an old man in a cartoon -which was quite the picture now that you thought of it. Sinking into the bed, you relaxed there -trying to soak in the well... Rick all around you.
Before you could even move, he pulled up the cover over you -the rush of his woodsy scent flying over you in what felt a bit like a warm hug. As if testing it out, he pressed his hand against your waist -brushing his fingertips up and down your side. It was gentle, careful, an opening -he was asking you.
"What do ya need from me?"
There was a spark of embarrassment there -thrumming under your quick heartbeat, but it was quieter, "Just... hold me."
"Okay," he whispered, not needing any more direction than that.
He pressed a gentle kiss to your temple -languid and slow. But the movement was right then, it felt as if he was treasuring you. His hands gently brushed over your shoulders -leaving goosebumps in his wake, and then the pads of his fingers detailed the curve of your nose, traced your eyebags, and fluttered over your lips.
You laughed, a bit astonished at the situation you were in, but he was undeterred -other than the smallest of smiles blooming on his lips at the noise.
Rick leaned forward, slowly, kissing your forehead before dipping to the right cheek and then left -his stubble leaving a pleasant buzz among there. It was like a sign he'd done it, a little aftershock -keeping you grounded.
You hummed, a bit out of natural instinct and he bit out a laugh from it -a pleased one like he'd done something he was proud of.
His hands found a place to brush his fingers through your hair -just a touch of smoothing down the mess you knew there was. But he was doing it in such a way that felt like you were fragile, breakable, precious-
You only leaned into his touch as a response, sinking into the rough texture of his hands without an extra thought.
Using the hand that he had previously trailing there on your side, he pulled you to him your face laying neatly on his chest. The gentle movement of his breaths soothed you in a way you didn't know you missed, the warmth of his skin against yours creating a sort of fog in your head -much like the fluttering in your stomach but... peaceful.
Rick chuckled, trailing his hand down your back and pressing his lips to your hair like it was the most natural thing in the world -you hoped it would end up being, "Better?"
"The best," you respond, voice slurred in a way that it hadn't been just a few spare moments ago.
And something in you told you then, maybe he truly didn't mind you asking.
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having someone press their entire bodyweight into you because they want to get closer even though they're already as close as they can possibly get
having someone obsessively run their hands all over your body, stroking, groping, squeezing, because they just NEED to get into every nook and cranny of your body, like they'll die otherwise
having someone run their lips and tongue over every part they can reach because they want to fill all their senses with you, you, you and nothing else but you
having someone whimper and moan and sigh as they beg you to come even closer, to hold them tighter, to hold them forever, to let them feel you, to let them make you feel good, to let them take care of you, to take care of them
just getting absolutely tangled with someone and not knowing where you end and they begin, getting filled up, wrapped up, pushed, pulled, not letting even a millimeter of space get between you
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