#by recently I could mean a couple of weeks or a month honestly my perception of time is just not good

[justapieceintheirgames]

🔭✨

#omg so I drank nearly 1L of iced caramel coffee today and my body has been shaking all day #and it was delicious and worth it but now I can't sleep UWGHWHS I can hear birds it's (looks at clock) 6AM!?!?!? #anyway I wanted to hop on here and recall something nice that happened to me recently #by recently I could mean a couple of weeks or a month honestly my perception of time is just not good #side note these birds are reALLY LOUD TODAY #anyway even though I 100% believe in fate I always hated when people would say 'be grateful for all the bad things that happened in your #past because they led you to where you are today' or something along those lines idk it's meant to be motivational or something I GUESS? #well as someone who was traumatised from a really young age I would almost physically recoil when I would hear/read something like that #because I could have gone my whole life without being traumatised y'know!! It's not like it made me a better person?? #that and like I always felt that if anything I'd be a BETTER version of myself y'know?? #so anyway the other day (or month or something idk) I had just finished praying and the sun was setting #and my cat was sitting on my windowsill observing me and I'm smiling just from picturing the scene again #I looked over at her and without even thinking I thought #'if all the bad things that happened in life are what led me to this exact moment then I'm glad for it' #it wasn't anything particularly special but I just felt so at peace in that one moment??? and as soon as I thought that I couldn't believe #myself! And I really meant it too!! #like who---? ME?? #anyway all I do is come on here and post sad stuff so I thought this post would be a nice reminder/change for myself!! #even though the weeks following that were ... ROUGH LOL my mindset has noticeably changed for the better recently I feel #personal #also it's officially Ramadan! You guys have NO idea how excited I am #to basically press the hard reset button on my brain this month #it's always always the best time of the year!! ✨ #also I feel like I've had enough coffee for a month MY BODY IS STILL SHAKING LOL?? #I...hope that I can concentrate on my coursework tomorrow :') or later today? aaa goodnight #MY PHONE'S NIGHTMODE JUST AUTOMATICALLY SWITCHED OFF SJHAHJSBBKS

[electricbluebutterflies]

kissing fic meme- 14 (kiss along the hips) for charloe

This has been in my drafts for literally six years but see this is why I keep stuff because it does get written EVENTUALLY. 2x09-divergent-ish, NSFW content ahead, also on ao3.

It has been, even by Charlie’s questionably existentstandards, a long couple of days.

Look, there are details she does not know. There are alwaysdetails she doesn’t know, because certain people have a real damn hard timetaking her seriously, and even beyond that she’s twenty-two and pretty and she’slearned how the world treats that. Like she’s some kind of object at best, nomatter how well she shoots, no matter how well her plans actually work comparedto anyone else’s.

She’s fucking tired, and someone else’s logistics took a fundetour to hell yet again and she’s not even sure who she’s mad at for this, andshe is again stuck with the only exception to her general perception ofhumanity because it’s just that kind of week apparently.

Like, if you’d told her a year ago that the only person onthis godforsaken planet she actually likes at the moment would be anot-quite-over-it recently-former warlord, she would’ve side-eyed the hell outof that idea, but here they are. Does she trust him? She’s not sure, but at leastwhatever’s going on in that man’s mind is preoccupied with things well beyondscrewing her over. And she suspects the anomaly is mutual, to whatever extentthat’s possible. To whatever extent Monroe can bond with other people,and she has some real questions about that, he’s latched onto her.

And the strange thing, the detail that’s making her restlessright now, is she’s okay with that. He’s on the right side of the line withher, protective not possessive, though to what purpose she’s still not sure. It’snot just lust, she knows that much, she doubts he’s patient in that sortof a situation. But it isn’t not that either. She’s not oblivious. Man looks ata woman like that, there’s at least daydreams going on, maybe a nice mentalimage saved for the comfort of their hand at night. But this one…

It’s late. They almost died, again. They’re separated fromanyone else, again. She’s feeling that energy, and she wants some closure whileshe can try to get it.

“So why me?” she asks, trying to flutter her eyelashes andgod she does not know how to flirt. Usually doesn’t have to, usually her necklinesand the sway of her hips are enough to make anyone take a hint. (But thenagain, usually she’s not trying to climb somebody that emotionally tangled andthat much older than her.)

“Why what?” he counters. There’s a certain look in his eyes,a what-deity-did-I-piss-off-this-badly energy that’s almost gotten comfortablein her presence, here we go another moment of why is everyone in that bloodlinesuch an absolute hot mess.

“Why do you keep saving my ass?”

He’s quiet, too quiet for too long, so whatever answer hefirst thinks of is clearly a bad one. “You’re not judgmental,” he settles forafter a few too many moments.

“I am an absolute bitch and you of all people know that.”

“But you still don’t think I’m beyond salvation.”

Honestly, she is too tired and too sober for thisconversation and neither of those factors are about to change in her favor. Sherolls her eyes. “Do I look like I’m trying to save you?”

“No, but you’re not actively in my way.”

“So constantly getting me out of trouble is… what, a way tominimize your guilt? Make you sleep at night because at least there’s oneperson in your life you haven’t thoroughly fucked over?”

“Something like that.”

“You could apologize better,” and hell with this, she decidesthat’s enough talking.

She’s kissed a good number of people, done what she had to doto get herself out of situations or at least get some rest those few months shewas wandering alone. Physical means nothing to her, just another weapon she’s learnedtoo well. She’s good at all of this. But it’s different now, tasting fire,unsure what she’s waking up. Maybe this’ll burn her down. Maybe she doesn’tcare.

“What do you want?” he says too quiet against the side ofher mouth.

“Everything. Show me how hard you’re trying.”

They spiral from there. She’s done all of this before, been laidout on dew-wet grass and had her clothes taken off by unfamiliar hands before,and the want is a little stronger than usual here but still these echoes of theperson she’s had to be remain. Is this just another survival move? One more wayof making sure she gets through the night? She isn’t sure, she doesn’t know,she can’t-

She comes back to herself, to this moment, to the sensationof scruffy kisses across her hips.

“You don’t have to do this,” she murmurs. “I’m wet enough, Idon’t need…”

“You wanted effort,” he counters, almost laughing. “And Ifigure nobody’s done this for you before. Might as well take your onlyremaining first, if you’re willing.”

“Only counts as a first if you get me off.”

“Understood.”

If this is how guilt works, she is more than willing to beon the receiving end. She’d assumed any kind of attentive act would be wellbeyond him, but his mouth moves lower and at the very least he’s done thisenough times to know how. Where to touch, how to adapt, when to reach up andput his free hand gently over her mouth to keep her quiet. Warmer and warmeruntil she breaks, until she bites, until she-

“That enough to make you sleep?” he asks, withdrawing andgetting back on her level.

“That the goal?”

“Figured that’s what you actually wanted. Distraction, not alay.”

She hates to admit it, and she won’t in any kind of words,but he’s not wrong. “You good?”

“Nothing I can’t deal with.”

“Alright.”

#amandamonroe #charloe #ebf writes fic

[thatwriterkei]

-Moment of Tangency-

Series Summary: When Y/N's favorite fictional characters come to life, a mystery ensues as a killer wreaks havoc in Bangor, Maine.

~

Chapter Summary: What started out as a sleepover with your best friend turned into a night of unexplainable events.

Warnings: cursing, underage pining if you squint, mentions of sex.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Here's the first chapter of the big series I was talking about! I really hope you guys enjoy this, I've been working on this for about a month and it would mean the world to me if you have feedback and brought attention to this to those who would enjoy it too! I'm really excited to see how this goes.

~

Main Masterlist

MOT Masterlist

click here to be part of my taglist

_________________

Chapter One: The Beginning

"You will soon receive support from an unexpected source.." 

The red letters of your fortune stared back at you ominously.

"Hey, that's great timing huh?"

"Too soon, Marcus..Too soon."

A sheepish smile formed on his freckled face, "Sorry..Here, have another."

You shook your head, waving away the cookie. "I'll just stick to mine. I only have a little bit of room left for it." 

You took small bites, slowly indulging in the delicious treat, afraid of letting it go to waste with just two or three bites.

"I'm surprised your dad let me spend the night."

"Honestly, me too..I don't think he noticed that you're in the middle of transitioning."

"He probably just thinks I'm gay or something.."

You let out a choked laugh, "Maybe because you are."

"Hey, you can't tell me that Mr. Fisher isn't hot as fuck!"

"He isn't, oh my god!" You tried to finish the rest of your cookie without inhaling crumbs, suppressing the laughter building in your stomach.

"Have you seen his hands?! Y/N, I don't think you understand how much I adore him!"

"He's 20, Marcus!! Not to mention, he sucks at teaching physics."

"Hey, I didn't say my future man had to be smart."

"You're ridiculous."

"Yes, yes I am. Oh! Speaking of guys, any good gossip for the ship of a century?"

You could help but roll your eyes at his teasing, blood rushing to the apples of your cheeks.

"Kolby and I haven't spoken since last week. I don't think he likes me anyway. He's been talking to Heather more recently.." 

And, for some reason, you weren't too interested in him either. Yes, he was a nice looking, athletic guy but you just didn't care enough to go further than a 'hi, how're you?' with him.

"Well, his loss. You're a wonderful girl and it's a shame he's wasting your time with his boyish nonsense. Besides, he doesn't even wear watches like Mr. Fisher."

"I swear to god, if you mention him or watches one more time.."

"You're right, sorry," he held up his hands defensively before putting them down, "I just don't wanna see you get hurt, Y/N/N.."

"I know you're worried, Marcus, but I'm fine. It's our junior year, I don't think long-term relationships are supposed to happen for us until we're in like college."

"You never know..Anyway, what do you even see in him?"

You let out a sigh, sinking in the mounds of pillows and blankets that are laid astray on your bed.

"Umm..He's cute, without a doubt. His jokes are sometimes funny, depends on who he's around. He has a nice sense of style, I guess? I don't know..We've only known each other for a little over two months."

Marcus laid beside you, rolling to his side with a dopey grin plastered on his pale face. "And a lot could happen in two more months if you just talk to him. I promise, I won't even bother you in Algebra..Okay? Just trust me on this.."

You groaned but, nevertheless, agreed with a silent nod.

"Love shouldn't be this complicated.."

"Sometimes it is, sweetie..But only time can lead you to where you're supposed to be.."

"Yeah, I know...Since when did you become my therapist?" You let out a scoff.

"Since third grade! Now, c'mon, get off your lazy ass and let's do something cool!" 

He pulled at your limp arm once he stood up, dragging you to the floor and down the hallway towards the mini library your stepmom installed about a year ago; who has yet to use it.

"If you were looking for 'cool', you brought us to the wrong place." 

Your eyes scanned over the bookshelves, catching titles of famous works.

To Kill a Mockingbird

The Great Gatsby

War and Peace

Charlotte's Web

"You only have that perception because you hate her."

"Of course! Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, but this is still cool! You should take advantage of it while you can." 

Marcus released his hold from your ankle, scampering over to the section of the library where a red and white book was gleaming for attention.

"Oh my god! Miranda got the newest edition of IT?"

You stood up abruptly and made your way over. "She got what?!" 

"Holy shit, this is amazing! We haven't fangirled over this book since freshmen year."

"Oh yeah, our biggest obsession since One Direction." You laughed, taking the book out of his hands and running your finger over the textured title.

"Not gonna lie, the older cover looked better."

You rolled your eyes and ushered him over to the desk in the middle of the room. "Wait, let's see if they kept in that one part.."

"Which one? Does it have to do with Stanley? You had a major crush on his fictional ass." He teased, pulling up another chair beside yours.

"No no no, the one with Eddie and-Oh, I found it!"

Man, he had hated it when Richie called him Eds…but he had sort of liked it, too. It was something….like a secret name. A secret identity. A way to be people that had nothing to do with their parents’ fears, hopes, constant demands. Richie couldn’t do his beloved Voices for shit, but maybe he did know how important it was to creeps like them to sometimes be different people.

"Oh, I absolutely love this part..It's just, mwah, beautiful. Stephen King certainly knew what he was doing.."

"C'mon, let's go back to my room and reminisce." You took his arm and pulled him back to your bedroom.

~

You internally screamed at Marcus's onslaught recollection of memories.

"Oh, and that one time when you had a major attraction for-"

"Okay okay, that's enough reminiscing!!" You tossed the book at him.

"Aww, what? Feelin' embarrassed, sweetie?" He barely dodged the book, letting it bounce off your bed and onto the ground with a dull thud.

"Shut up.." You grabbed the nearest pillow and slightly smothered yourself with it.

The memories he continued to bring up brought back some nostalgia but looking back at it now made you cringe. You were practically grown up now, not 15 years old. 

"Okay, I'm sorry. But wouldn't it be cool if the losers club was real? Like actually around, in real life? Derry was based off of Bangor so it's more than likely you could find your own Stanley Uris." 

You cracked a smile at that and threw the pillow at him, situating yourself underneath the covers of your bed. "Yeah, yeah. I wish."

Marcus promptly pulled out his phone and checked the time, turning it over towards you  and flashing the bright light in your face. "Well, it's almost 11:11..Make a wish!"

"Seriously?" You deadpanned.

"C'mon, it wouldn't hurt!"

You sighed, sitting up on your elbows and closing your eyes. "Tell me when. You wish it too, okay?"

"Okay," some time passed, "now."

I wish the losers club was real..The entire gang. Every single one of them.

I wish I could blow Bill Denbrough.

You opened your eyes after you recited your wish a couple of times, sighing. You raised an eyebrow at Marcus, seeing him struggle to contain his laughter though the crimson red covering every inch of his face gave it away.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I wished that I could blow Bill."

"Goddamnit, Marc."

~

It took about a half hour before the two of you could fully relax into a deep sleep but once you guys did, Marcus took up most of the bed. 

A heavy gush of wind pushed open your window, the cool air from outside blowing into your room. You snuggled a little more under the covers, face being buried into someone's back. They smelled so nice, a light hazelnut scent and freshly washed hair that reminded you of late night drives with your older cousin when you were younger; Just absolute nostalgia exuded from them. You felt your entire body relax against theirs, the warmth overtaking your slightly exposed skin from the nippy air coming through the window.

You hear a quiet groan from the opposite side of you, the noise causing you to stir from whatever you were dreaming about prior; It was a bit fuzzy.

"What the fuck? Dumbass window.." It was just Marcus.

You felt the weight from the bed disappear, his dull footsteps moving around the carpeted room as he shuts the window.

He turns around and gives one look over the room, his eyes partially open. He sees a couple of people in the room, the sight confusing him in his drowsy state.

"What the..?"

A mix of someone screaming bloody murder and a smoke alarm going off floods the room, echoing off the walls and throughout the house. Even Marcus wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors heard him too.

It takes just a few seconds before your sleeping mind can process the screeching, thus causing you to flip over to your other side and turning on the lamp. Your eyes are piercing with annoyance, though you were still a little concerned about your astonished friend across the room.

"Marc, what the hell?! What's wrong? What happened?"

You cast a glance around your room, trying to pick the oddball out.

"What the hell?!" You hear from behind you, the sudden noise alarming you and making you jump off the bed towards the ground. 

Your head whipped around so quickly you were sure it was the dizziness that made your imagination run wild from the sight. There laid a guy, around your age, with very curly light brown hair that just looked absolutely divine to twirl your fingers around.

Underneath you comes a strangled groan, almost upon impact. Looking below, you find a girl with fiery red hair in a bob style. You push yourself off of her and scoot away until your back hits Marcus's legs.

"Who the fuck is yelling-Oh, holy shit..!" You hear another slightly deep voice exclaim. 

Turning to your right sat five other guys with drastically different appearances, one after another coming to the realization that they had no fucking clue where they were.

The room grew quiet, fear growing in your eyes as you try to find a person to focus on but the thought only made you even more dizzy than before.

_________________

Let me know if you wanna be tagged for future chapters!! 💖

-Moment of Tangency- tags: @beauregard-s @demoniclust @deepestofwaters @grapesauze @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @soulwillower @19tozier @phrogtheguitarist @kindofokayimagines @stenbrozier @stenbrozier @brxken-heartsclub @fucking-greywater @theliterarymess

#moment of tangency #bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough #it bill #it bill denbrough #it 2020 #it pennywise #pennywise #richie tozier x y/n #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier #it richie #beverly marsh x reader #beverly marsh #it beverly #it ben #it ben hanscom #it stanley uris #stanley uris x reader #stanley uris #it mike #mike hanlon x reader #mike hanlon #stephen king #eddie kaspbrak x richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #eddie x richie #ben hanscom x reader #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrak x reader

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

#lib3rtin33

[the-uninformed-zennial]

Series: Dick’s Apartment

Chapter 1: Jason

Warnings: Mild swearing (because, you know, it’s Jason Todd)

Preface/introduction:

The first family member to stay the night at Dick’s apartment was Jason Todd, the new Robin. The new Dick. Or so the former protege had felt upon discovering that Batman’s sidekick was still active on the streets of Gotham and Bruce Wayne had gained a new ward. He didn’t speak to Bruce for about six months after that, and even after they finally had a conversation about what happened, it took him a while to be able to show his face around the manor. But once he got over himself, he found that Jason was actually a pretty cool kid. So, when Bruce found himself called off world for some league business while Alfred was sick, Dick didn’t entirely mind watching the little punk for the weekend...

Now the actual story...

Bruce dropped him off on the sidewalk in the late afternoon, barely giving the kid enough time to grab his backpack and cell phone before speeding off towards the nearest Zeta tube. Typical. Why bother waiting for your babysitter when the world was at stake? Whatever. Jason could take care of himself just fine, better than fine. I mean, he was fucking Robin. He took care of Batman when the situation called for it. Screw Bruce for even thinking he needed to be watched. Screw Dick for agreeing. He unzipped his backpack just enough to reach inside and touch the hem of his Robin suit. He was going on patrol, and he would just love to see Nightwing try and stop him. He slung his worn red backpack onto his shoulder and turned his phone’s location off, but just as he was about to bolt, he felt a warm hand grab his shoulder.

“Hey man, I was just on my way out.” Dick’s knowing smile just made Jason want to punch him in the face, “Looks like you were too. Wanna grab some pizza before you get both of us in trouble?”

“Fuck you man.” Jason spat.

Dick tightened his grip on Jason’s shoulder and pulled him into the doorway of the apartment building, away from the street and prying ears.

“Look, I get the whole tough guy act and needing to prove yourself to Bruce thing, okay? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. But if you take to the streets before I’ve even had the chance to put some food in you I have a feeling Batman’s no-kill rule will be temporarily suspended. So, we can either do this the easy way, or we can break out in a brawl in the middle of the street, which do you prefer?”

As much as Jason would love to see if he could beat Dick in combat, he did have a point. Bruce would be pissed if Jason ran off before even giving Dick a chance, and pizza before patrol didn’t sound like the worst thing he could think of.

“Fine.”

“Great,” Dick’s smile returned to his face almost as quickly as it had disappeared, “just let me get my coat and we'll be on our way.”

Jason slumped up against the side of the building and whipped out his phone in response. By the time Dick came back downstairs he had already beat a new level in the stupid numbers game Bruce made him download to “build his deductive reasoning skills” or whatever. Dick was such a priss, sauntering down the staircase in a leather jacket that looked like it had just come off the manufacturers belt, while still having the audacity to refute Jason’s whispered taunt of “spoiled brat” with a, “then what does that make you?” in reply.

The pair decided to use a shortcut Dick had recently discovered that supposedly made the trip take half as long as usual. It cut through a couple of alleys, but what was the harm, I mean, they were Nightwing and Robin, afterall. Just as the thought crossed Jason's mind, he heard the click of a gun hammer pulled back.

“Stop.” came the growl from a voice behind them.

Dick quickly gave Jason a look that said to just play along. They reluctantly stopped.

“Turn around.” Man this guy was cocky. “Empty your pockets.” Jason almost felt bad for him.

But just as he was about to show this punk who was boss, Dick grabbed his arm, and he noticed that he had all his valuables laying out in front of him. Was he serious? Dick could take this guy down in his sleep, and yet he was just gonna roll over and give him whatever he wanted. No way. Then he caught a look at the guy. He wasn’t so much of a guy as a kid, a kid who didn’t look much older than Jason was when Batman found him trying to lift the tires off the batmobile. Not much older than Jason was when… no, he wouldn’t go there. Suffice it to say, life on the streets was hard enough. This kid didn’t need to be ruffed up by two literal superheroes, he needed a sandwich. Maybe two. So, reluctantly, Jason unbuckled his watch and took his phone out of his back pocket. There really wasn’t anything else of value he had brought with him.

The kid peered around the barrel of his gun, inspecting the pile, then motioned at Jason, “Backpack too.”

Shit. The backpack, the backpack with his Robin suit inside. Which, if found, would totally ruin the whole secret identity thing. Did Dick know? He glanced up at him, and yeah, he knew. Fuck, mental note, find a better way to sneak the Robin suit in and out of the cave. Jason subconsciously gripped the backpack more tensely.

“Uh,” Dick spoke up, thank god, “I don’t think you actually want that. See, my brother here was going to spend the night at my house so it’s just filled with an extra change of clothes and a toothbrush. Nothing valuable there.”

Jason could have facepalmed, right then and there. Dick obviously knew nothing about what was and was not valuable to a kid on the streets, because honestly, two years ago Jason would’ve killed to find a backpack filled with an extra pair of clothes and a toothbrush. Those things were hard to come by. And also, did he seriously just call him his brother?

Sure enough the kid motioned with his free hand, “Hand it over.”

Jason tried to hide the panic that was slowly spreading across his face, but Dick was too perceptive and he knew it. Fuck him. He was not handing the bag over, no matter what the little punk threatened. Somehow, Dick seemed to know that because before Jason could make a move, Dick had already done some crazy ass acrobatic flip that simultaneously knocked the kid out and disarmed him.

“How the hell--?” The words just kinda slipped out before Jason even realized what he was saying, “...Bruce is seriously holding out on me.”

Dick just smiled while he picked the gun up off the ground and put a twenty in the kid’s half opened hand.

As they began to pick up their valuables, he leaned over and whispered, “You know I was in the circus right?”

“Yeah?”

“And I was Robin for about a decade”

“Where are you going with this?”

The smile somehow glinted in his eyes, “Batman didn’t teach me that one. I created it myself.”

It took all Jason’s willpower to not drop his mouth wide open. How was that even possible? I mean, the mechanics of the move, how Dick had to launch his body upward just the right amount so that he could come down on the attacker’s hands and face with just enough force to cause them to release the weapon before firing, it was insane! Jason had to learn it. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Dick raised his hand in silence.

“After pizza.”

So that’s what they did. They must’ve spent a good three hours at the local park just trying to get Jason to launch himself high enough in the air. As much as he hated to admit it, Dick was a lot more agile and Jason was quickly tiring out. After about the 500th failure, Jason lost it. He didn’t know what came over him, but the next thing he knew he was picking up the pieces of his broken phone off the sidewalk. Shit. Shit, Bruce was gonna be so pissed.

“Hey man,” Dick started.

God his cheerful attitude was starting to get really fucking old. Dick Grayson. The first Robin. The prodigal son. The dude who started beating up bad guys before he had even shaved for the first time. Dick Grayson who could fling himself in the air all day long and barely break a sweat. Dick Grayson, the guy he was just subbing in for.

Before Jason even realized what was happening, he felt his curled fist impact the side of Dick face. Dick stepped back a few paces, and instinctively hunched into his fighting stance while inspecting his face for blood. Jason was proud to say there were a few drops, thanks to a ring on his middle finger.

“What the fuck?” He asked, clearly confused.

“Just stay the hell away from me, okay?” Jason said quite a bit louder than he had intended, “I don’t need your help. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“I never said that you weren’t.” Dick dropped his stance. “Look, maybe we should take a break.”

A break. Yeah, right. Jason Todd, the kid who couldn’t even make it through an afternoon of training without having a complete meltdown. No way was Bruce not going to hear about this. With the way things were going, he’d probably be taken off patrol for at least a week. No. He wouldn’t let that happen. All he had to do was convince Dick that he was fine, he was better than fine, he was the real Robin.

Jason took another swing, and this time, Dick was expecting it. He grabbed Jason’s outstretched arm and twisted it behind his back. But before he could get the hold fully secured, Jason took his free arm and elbowed him right in the stomach, the diaphragm, if Dick’s sudden fit of coughing was any indication. This gave Jason enough time to yank his hand free of Dick’s grasp and try to land another blow. He decided to go for a kick to the right knee, a weak spot of Batman’s former protege he had learned about while reviewing old video tapes for training. But Dick saw it coming. Before Jason even had time to think, Dick had already grabbed his outstretched leg and knocked him off balance, causing him to fall into the soft dirt around them. Jason kicked and flailed, trying to get his leg free, but it didn’t work, and soon Dick was on top of him, pinning him to the ground.

Jason knew if he tried he could get free eventually, but after a while he just stopped. What was the point anyway? Surely Dick was going to call Batman as soon as he was back on world and tell him everything. He’d recommend Jason give back the Robin suit and retire from the vigilante business because he couldn’t handle the stress of learning a new trick. Then he’d be back on the streets, because what use would Bruce Wayne have for him if he couldn’t fight crime? At least this time he’d know how to defend himself.

Jason didn’t even realize he had started to cry until he was being held in Dick’s arms. It was strange and incredibly uncomfortable to be held by someone that was nearly his own size, but Dick was soft and warm and would not let go. So Jason just sat there frozen, tears silently running down his face as he tried desperately to hide the fact that he was terrified of what was going to happen to him now.

The two boys stayed there like that for a few minutes, until Jason had softened enough to meld into Dick’s arms a little, and the latest wave of tears had come and gone. When Dick finally did let go, Jason scrambled back up onto his feet, and wiped away any trace that he had cried in the first place. Then turned a stony gaze at Dick.

“Don’t tell Bruce.” He glared.

“Tell him what?” Dick asked innocently.

There he was, being a prick again. Jason glanced around the park that was now well covered in darkness looking for a space to stare at that wasn’t Dick. Anywhere but Dick.

“That I failed.”

“Excuse me?” Dick’s tone was sarcastic and somewhat offended. “Did you just say you failed?”

Jason nodded ever so slightly.

“Okay, no.” He sighed in a manner eerily similar to Bruce. “Jace, it takes time to master a move like this, like an insane amount of time, like years. You had three hours in a playground and you’ve already got the basic motor functions of the move down. I don’t know about you, but I call that impressive.”

Jason looked cautiously into Dick’s eyes, could he really mean what he was saying? “But then why did you say I should take a break?”

“Because I could see you were getting to the end of your rope. I mean, you threw your phone on the ground and punched me in the face. If that’s not a clear indication someone needs a break, then I don’t know what is.” He smiled reassuringly.

“So you aren’t going to tell Bruce what happened?”

“I mean, I don’t really think there’s anything he needs to know about, do you?”

Jason allowed the phantom of a smile to creep up on his face, “Not unless you can’t handle being punched in the face by your little brother.”

“Brother, huh?”

“Your words, not mine.”

Dick laughed, “Okay then, brother, what do you say we go get a movie and eat some popcorn? I’ve had enough training tonight.”

Jason narrowed his eyes, “Fine. But only if it’s horror.”

Dick just smiled and put his arm around his little brother’s shoulder as they walked out of the park and back to the apartment.

The boys stayed up well into the night, mostly mocking the movie they chose for it’s subpar acting and special effects quality. It was one of those “classic” horror movies that everyone has to see at least once in their lives, so of course it sucked. Still, Jason could honestly say it was the most fun he’d had in years. Dick was definitely an asshole, but despite his better judgement, he couldn’t help thinking that maybe, just maybe, Dick wasn’t as big a dick as he thought.

#jason todd #dick grayson #robin #nightwing #red hood #dc #dc universe #dc comics #dc fanfic #batman #batman and robin #bruce wayne #babysitter #baby jason #ao3fic #archive of our own #crosspost #batfam #batbros #batbrats #no beta read #on this one #more to come #staytuned #brotherly moments #brotherly bonding

[jered-bb]

Thoughts

Wow it has been a very long time since I posted here.

Retrospectively I wish I had done so more actively over the years. The posts I made from 2017-2018 are valuable to my current self and my ability to make sense of my past experiences and current situation.

There are so many updates I need to log from the last year+, most of them heartbreaking, but I will save that for another time.

For now I will merely reflect on a conversation I just had with Jandy.

Currently (and as of a couple of weeks ago) we are not dating any more. That’s a long story for another time. But today she was feeling very low and came over to spend some time. I gradually was able to coax some conversation out of her, about how she is feeling and why. It took a lot of comforting and patience on my part.

The gist of things is that she feels stuck and conflicted in many ways. She loves Paul but is not “in love” with him in the way she seems to feel for me. That makes her feel very guilty, because she has stronger feelings for her “ex” than for her husband.

She feels trapped because she does not have the career or financial means to be independent. She is terrified of breaking up with Paul because she has no money and no way to support herself. I mentioned she has a “support” network in the form of friends and family and she cast doubt on that, at one point admitting that even if she did move in with e.g. her sister she would feel terrible and “like a Dara to her”. (Wow, this really shows the opinion she has of Dara. Although I’ve known she is resentful/disdainful of her for a long time... I’ll come back to that in another post.)

On top of that, she would feel incredibly guilty to break up with Paul. She feels like she doesn’t treat him very well, and that he deserves better. She admits to still wanting to be with me even though I am distancing myself from relationships (and in particular, a relationship with her) right now.

I was very mindful of being patient and supportive and giving her space during this time. There were a few times I felt the impulse to get defensive but overall I think I resisted it fairly well.

I brought up codependent habits at one point and she agreed that she has a pattern of that, as well as there being some indicators of it in me in the past. This part tested my patience a bit because she got rather defensive and her tone changed a long the lines of “how dare you tell me things I already know after being in therapy for a couple of weeks, it might be new to you but it isn’t to me.” For one thing, it’s not “new to me”, for another I’m not trying to talk down to you, and finally it’s ironic for YOU to say “you think you know so much” after some therapy after you’ve done it for not that much more than me? Pot, kettle much?

Later on I talked about wanting to treat Paul better myself and she said I don’t treat him very well. I asked for some examples of that and what she said was rather... telling. In no specific order:

He was a "non-entity" to me

95% of the time I only asked what she wanted, or if I asked what he wanted it was through her (her % estimate)

I didn't help out as much as I expected him to (her example being when I asked for help moving the laser)

I didn't respect his boundaries like Jandy being "home by midnight"

On the one hand I think she has some fair points and I have seen some of that on my own and want to be more aware and conscientious of it. On the other hand, the way she talks about it and phrases things makes me wonder if we live in the same reality. It makes me confused and honestly like I'm being gaslit? I don't understand.

For example, the part about respecting boundaries. From my perspective, I have been very conscientious about that, often much more so than Jandy. There have been countless times I've had to remind her of the time and that she might need to go. Countless times I messaged Paul directly to let him know if Jandy had fallen asleep or update him in some way. Countless times I asked him directly if she could stay over.

Overall I was very conscious of boundaries and respected them greatly. Any time she spent more time past midnight, my assumption is that she had discussed or cleared that with him already because primarily it is her fucking duty to respect the boundaries between them, not mine.

Or the "helping out" part. Very, very rarely have I asked Paul for help with something. I can think of the laser, my toolchest, and maybe my arcade machine? Meanwhile they have asked me to help with things and I gladly did, like helping load free firewood, or moving the large free freezer they got, or moving bedframes around, or moving the chest freezer that I gave to them for free, or the time I worked with Leeds to tear up their entire fucking carpet. Yet somehow I don't do my fair share or consider Paul enough? He doesn't really ask often and when he does I'm happy to help, PLUS I have gone above and beyond even when there WASN'T a direct ask.

Things like these just... I don't really trust her. It's not that I think she's lying. I don't trust her brain. I don't trust her perception of things. Her trauma makes her hypersensitive to certain things or react strongly to others. She misremembers telling me or Paul something or vice versa. She completely forgot an entire emotional conversation I had with her about the... the...

Sigh.

At the same time, when she tells me I've been selfish or inconsiderate, I can't help but take it to heart. I do actually recognize that I am an inherently self centered person, and over the last two years I've come to realize a lot of my past behaviors and how shitty they've been. I have a lot of work to get closer to the type of person I want to be.

But it is that very self-awareness that causes friction between how I view certain events or patterns that have happened vs how she does. This is not helped by the fact that over time, her perception of how I act has varied greatly, even during times when there was no perceptible difference on my part. This is a hard thing to put into words... as an example, she has basically judged the amount of effort I have put into the relationship, or the care I show her, as fluctuating greatly over time, even over the span of a few weeks or months. But when I look back, my experience does not match that. The care I paid her was fairly stable, fluctuating a little bit but generally following an arc that spanned many months. She sees "change" in my behavior where I see non, either positive or negative. She will comment that things have gotten "better" when I haven't actually changed how I act or my patterns. Likewise, NOTHING may have changed and yet she will freak out over how my attention has faltered over time.

This is a constant battle within me trying to figure out what is real and what isn't. I recognize that my behavior may change much more - or much less - than I perceive. In addition, her feelings are valid - to an extent - regardless of the "actual" reality of the situation. Feelings don't always make perfect sense, and that is okay.

But at the end of the day, I guess I sort of as myself - is this worth it? Constantly doubting myself and my reality? Trying to figure out how much of what she is telling me matches what I know and feel? Feeling judged and watched and all these expecations around how she wants me to act? All for a person who LITERALLY has had waking hallucinations and was unofficially diagnosed by her counselor as having Borderline Personality Disorder?

I have erred on the side of compassion and trust for so long, and it has hurt me. I feel myself turning away from her and distancing myself because not only does it feel safer, but it gives me a chance to recenter myself and align myself to MY goals, MY life, MY feelings. She is in great pain, and I really feel for her. I still love her. But I can't let her drag me down. Almost the entire time I spent around her today I felt an anxious pit in the center of my stomach. Why would I want that when I could be free to be myself, unburdened by someone else's emotional baggage? It's selfish, yes, but I think it may be the healthy and sane thing to do.

#jandy #relationships #emotion

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

I was tagged by @peanutbutterandgrapejelly. Thank you for the tag, Peanut, this seems pretty loaded, but in a good way, so here goes!!

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

Sue Heck! I don't think I let all of it out, but on the inside, I constantly feel like I'm extremely Sue Heck-y, :')

Amy Santiago, in a lot of regards, I'll say. Uh, cares a lot about her friends, ambitious, and would basically die/murder for organization, but also socially awkward and, uh, mostly percepted as a goody-two-shoes. Also, true nerd™.

Mindy Lahiri! (I mean, again, this seems more of a who I feel like I am, and not who I come across as, cause those two things tend to differ on a variety of levels?)

Sam Winchester (you know I had to) Basically, we're both INFJs. I'm not even close to his level, but my brain officially ran out of characters so uh, empathetic, constantly interpreted as "boring" and the "brains", patient, *yearns to settle down with someone they love*, believes in second chances. The whole nine, but toned down XD

2. Aesthetic:

I'd usually have a hard time with this one, but I recently did a long thing about my aesthetic, so! I'm going to say, soft pastel, beige, and shades of white!! A tinge of light academia, but mostly unassumingly modern, and faded rainbows as watermarks.

3. Favorite musical/play? If you've never seen a musical or play, one you'd be interested in seeing?

You got me ~ never seen any. (I mean, school plays don't count, right?) I honestly have a bunch of musicals I want to see, recommendations from friends online, but somehow it always slips my mind. But, off the top of my head, @spot-the-brooklyn-pirate wanted me to check this one out, and I am looking forward to actually doing it sometime: Book of Mormon.

4. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

Mostly, anyone who says I, in any way, made them happy, literally gives me the best compliment ever. And uh, my sister called me inspiring once, and it stuck. When I nagged her into elaborating, she said she thought I was functional in spite of all my flailings, and self-analytic, and it didn't make sense to me, but I still think about that.

And a few people, over the course of time, have named some of my fics as their favorites, and those stay with me for a very long time.

5. How many times have you been in love?

Hardly once. She's still one of the most important people in the world to me, but as somebody great once said, if you don't fight for it, it doesn't count. And we didn't.

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself which now makes you laugh?

By far the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, is written a fic on wattpad which revolved around my own life, except for the fact that it really, really didn't. Long story shortened, I was in sixth grade, and had a surface-level-y crush on this guy, and it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. In the story, we're all in senior year, though the authoress forgot pretty much all the real things about school XD it's not just cringy, but also extremely sixth-grade-y written, and it astounds me to this day that it went on to have like 18,000 views? (I managed to block the entire shtick out, until a few months back, when I randomly remembered and rushed to unpublish the work. *facepalm* it even had all our real names)

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

This one's so hard. Uh. Ratatouille, maybe?

8. Favorite flower/plant?

I regret having to confess that I probably don't have one :( but hey, my go-to answer for these ones is daisies, because they remind me of the lovely @daisy-jeon <3

9. What's your favorite holiday?

Holi :')

(I miss it being like the older times, though? Somehow it always clashes with my final exams these last few years, and Shelley is often not home, but it still really makes me happy, so just imagine how perfect it used to be, when I was a kid!!)

10. Name three things that made you smile/laugh this past week.

Rewatching The French Mistake!! A really great decision, haha!

The lovely comments an older fic of mine received, (about old Destiel, uwu) since a couple of big blogs happened to reblog it 🙈🙈🙈 and my activity started blowing up!!

A full-blown coffee high, which resulted in me being hilarious through a 98-message monologue to dish, eeeeee!!

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

I'd been dreading this question the most, because I'm horrible at remembering good songs when I - need to be. Oofsies.

But I guess I could wing it with 'What About Us' by P!nk.

12. Name something that truly makes you peaceful even at your most stressful moments.

Writing about Character A of a ship going through said stressful moment, and Character B being the best possible responder to all of it. Projection's the key to functionality, kids.

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

Would you, and will you, sound unfortunately like different questions to me, so I'm going to answer the one which is asked. I'd like to major in History, with a minor in English. (And to be crude for a bit, as my sister calls it, thus successfully be left solely employable as a teacher.)

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

My black Avenger's logo t-shirt, with this pink hooded, kinda-down-past-my-hips, not-warm-at-all jacket and any one of my numerous, mwuahaha, grey shorts.

I never said I'd go out of the house in that outfit, did I?

15. What is a quote you live by?

I don't think there aren't any. I'm just here, faking it till I make it. Still, if I had to choose? Misha's "Be Kind to Yourself so You can be Happy enough to Be Kind to Others" is something I aspire to live by.

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

I'm sad that I don't have any funnily named ones now. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm hoping that it counts a teensy bit that I have like seven playlists just for background shtuff when I'm working, and they're all named *extremely* similarly, with variations of the word "study" basically, but all have exceptionally different vibes.

But I really am sorry, and I'm going to try and up my playlist-humor-game.

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

'Time for tapwater'.

18. What is a message you'd give your younger self if given a chance?

Don't build your sense of self-worth over the people whose opinions you think matter. You don't have to get everybody to like you. (Oh, and probably don't switch between multiple first-person-pov's, even though you're just writing the most unrealistic self-indulgent fiction EVER.)

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

Hands down, my sister. Shelley, didi, @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect, you're like the best part of my life, and you're probably going to be the longest part of it, too. Cause we might not have the best record for funny titles to call each other by, but we still nail the cheesy till the end of the line moments, ;)

20. What's a secret dream of yours?

I, uh. Want to run a completely-revolutionalizing-the-concept-of-education-style school ~ a boarding school actually, with my best friend dish. And as a means to acquire funds for it? We're going to do a whole lotta stand-up. :D

(Oh, and since i've already rambled for at least a thousand words, so what's the harm in a few more? At some point, probably on my birthday, I want to do a YouTube livestream, a pre-planned one of course, and everybody I've ever been frens with, on this dumb, wholesome hellsite???? They're all sent an invitation to join!! And there's nothing to do, really, we just talk and everyone's enjoying themselves, and I dunno, I had a dream about this once, and I've been so ridiculously smitten with the idea since!

Huh, maybe I could rally forces starting now, to make this possible by my eighteenth!!)

If anyone would like to play, these are really awesome questions! @3dg310rdsupreme @mystybloo @thotfordean @bcozwhythefuknot @theninthdutchessofhell @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @quicksilver-ships @all-or-nothing-baby @screamatthescreen @telefunkies @elvenlicht @facepalmmylifeu @specialagentrin @noemithenephilim @but-for-the-gods-three-days

#l o n g #long post #about me #i finally did it #stuff about me

[heartspac-e]

“untitled”

this semester was crazy. It was crazy painful. crazy emotional. But I’m thankful for a good end through some recently answered prayers. I was sitting at the airport two days ago and even without choosing to set aside time to reflect, God began revealing truth after truth about me and about himself.

The first 3/4 of this semester was a lot of fighting to rely on God for strength and healing but no matter how much I came before Him openly and honestly with my prayers, burdens and questions of why it hurt, I felt like he was silent. And suddenly, the truth that God’s timing is better than my own was daunting. It’s been months already.. what if surrendering to his timing meant that I still had to hurt 3 years down the line?

I began to equate surrender with constant pain, so I suppressed all emotions. But, eventually I’d have to face them and that came 2 nights ago.

It was when a friend brought up that she saw a pattern in my life and when another friend brought up that I make the most skewed assumptions that I finally put 2 and 2 together and could finally answer your question of why I was hurt. Here’s why.

I can’t remember every detail of what happened during that second conversation but I do remember immediately assuming that you’re just like every other guy I’d known before. That you play with girls' feelings. That everything that I thought I knew about you was just an act you put up because you knew the right things to say to make girls fall for you and I was just another girl that you played. That you would rather be around girls than guys just so that you could use their attention to make you feel good about yourself. And every time I saw you with other girls after our fall out, especially freshmen, it confirmed those assumptions. I assumed that our friendship wasn’t real to you. It didn’t mean anything to you because you could just take any other girl to take my place. 

I assumed that you were just like the guy in high school who cheated on me and the guy from freshman year who tried getting with other girls a couple weeks after we broke up. 

I felt stupid because I didn’t see you as replaceable. I felt used. I felt traumatized. I was angry at God for putting you in my life, so I wanted nothing to do with you. I deleted you on all of my social media and I deleted your number so that I wouldn’t be tempted to text you. I thought that would give me closure. 

I did all of those things and said hurtful things to you based on my wrongful assumptions about you. 

But now, I realized that I was wrong. Really wrong. You’re not a bad person. You do genuinely want brotherhood. Sure, you’re sinful but I’m just as sinful. 

There’s a difference between someone who sins and repents and someone who sins and thinks that what they’re doing is right by God and the change of heart came when a lot of prayer changed my perception of you from the second to the first kind of person. I thought about how does God see you? how does God see me? How can I be so prideful as to put my judgment of you above God’s judgment of you?

So here I am.. admitting to my pride and my impatience and my assuming the worst of you and my wanting to hurt you because I was immature and petty.

I could say sorry a million times and I hope you know that I’m genuinely sorry but I also turn to God for forgiveness and I know that only God can heal you and heal me. 

All in all, I’m sorry God, that I started to think that the pain wasn’t worth it and that I should just be self-sufficient. I’m thankful that you have shown me that true surrender brings an overwhelming sense of peace, and I pray for forgiveness because I know that your grace covers over all sin. And lastly, I don’t want to invalidate the pain that I felt. I pray for continued healing and for rest.

[thomasenboone07-blog]

If your name is not on your parents car insurance?

if your name is not on your parents car insurance, are you allowed to drive it and will they cover you if you get into an accident? I might suggest that you visit this internet site where you can get rates from different companies: http://insurancereviewsite.xyz Colorado lowincome medical care support? Just 18, university student, household presently on medical am i? Is it until age 21? What're those who permit parental insurance? What modifications will arise towards the california healthy individuals and medi-cal applications with Obamacare? Recently received page placing me in disaster protection only exactly what does what I'm covered for and this mean tome?" Howmuch might my insurance be? If I am 17/18 years of age. The vehicle is employed from about 2003 or year 2000, costs me around $ 4,000. This is in NY AREA. Whether it's a Nissan Altima. Thank you." Insurance under Obama attention? I finished a week ago and am 22 yrs old. Our parents have insurance through trustmark insurance and I've recently been appointed on full time to get a management situation. Being a complete time staff, I've the ability renounce it or to have my own personal insurance. I've observed that I must be ready to stay on my parents insurance till I'm 26. However, I Have also heard that I would need to be students on staying on my parents insurance, in order to keep. Therefore essentially I'm wondering whether I ought to not be unable to stay on my parents insurance till I'm 26? I make 14$ an hour if my income is necessary for this. Our parents are more than prepared to keep me on their businesses insurance." Howmuch could insurance be to get an 18 year old lady for a 2006 mustang? I reside in NY. I'm looking into purchasing a 2006 mustang (not gt). I have had my license for about two years. I'll be on my parents insurance (state farm) nevertheless the car will soon be in my title and full coverage will be needed by me. 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This type of time that is bull5hit is gone through by some friends - $500 was priced to acquire a inside the waiting room at a healthcare center and all she'd todo was make a call and complain to stop the entire amount. We were confused So. For financing a they get paid $500? If we protest, they take absent the $500? It's like stressing at a cafe LOL!!! it makes me so angry to see people without insurance having such a challenging time providing medical care, although I probably ignorant. Insurance and health care makes me feel like I'm giving in to a manipulative con - like buying a $120 apparel that simply costs $5 to produce. But incase my face piling on my bike breaks, I assume I want one. $500 to get a cover? I wonder just how much X ray actually costs to purchase, perform, and preserve. I am sick to my belly considering it. Anyway, I realize I'm ignorant, please show me. On having affordable specific approach any constructive encounter could be excellent. Thanks in advance." 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Does anyone, please, possess a suggestion or two to assist me get inexpensive medical insurance." Hitandrun Insurance Claim: How do you begin it? I have event # from your authorities. Can the Insurance company send anyone to verify the automobile or should I have to get them rates? Illinois medical health insurance group insurance question.? I just work at a tiny city company, privately held. They have a number of their employees on medical health insurance, nevertheless it 've never be presented by them in my experience. I've some health issues, although not enough to become on impairment. I then found out recently the girl who worked in my placement was supplied health insurance, but because she had been on her husbands health insurance, they needed to pay her for NOT being on their insurance. I've attempted to research this but I'm not locating any info, or am not able to term the question correctly. Is it possible to help me work out how to phrase this better so that it pops up browsing results, even if you don't know the clear answer?" Simply how much is car insurance for a 16-year old today? Hi im sixteen i dont know where you can try to find the total amount every site i move also needs a lot of data if you can discover one for me personally my zip is 17325 or give an appraisal to me. Cheers! Howmuch is it to get a women car insurance? Iam in level eight and we've to achieve this project as well as for among the inquiries I need to find out howmuch my auto insurance will be, Iam a lady as I explained and I live in Ontario, Canada. Anybody know?" Please support me discover some economical health care insurance in Georgia.? I want medical insurance for two youngsters and my wife. Can anyone point me in the right route? Thanks so much. Please assist first time traffic ticket In California? Therefore I got a citation for zero. Insurance of 859.00 and in the mail a ticket on nov due by december. 10 dont have the income but i got insurance now.whats likely to happen in court im very afraid:/ What is the lowest priced auto-insurance that is adolescent in arizona?? In austin, colorado simply got a permit...drive a honda,-agreement... am planning to be 16 in like 4 months" Toyota area - 4wheeler insurance -? for a new honda location 2012 product, what'll function as the annual insurance for this. For 31 yr old with couple of years of 4 wheeler driving history how to look for inexpensive 4-wheeler insurance...and things to look for while getting it this is in chennai -" How do I find out how much the insurance settlement check was? I was in an auto accident and had brain injuries. I did not see-the settlement check if the insurance company completed. Tome totaling what he said to be the plan control particular 2 checks were written by my lawyer. I never noticed whatever confirmed what the plan limit was like he has accomplished something quite deceptive, and that I feel. This same lawyer sent me to your physician to get a make sure billed 500.00 for an EMG, me 6. After I obtained the statement I went along to the physicians office to learn why it was not thus low however the office was no longer there. Our attorney said that the physician died in an auto accident I recently discovered he's in another area now. Just how do I find out what the insurance settlement check was?" What's an insurance discount disallowance? i got my statement today for the lab where I'd some checks completed. Around the statement it had a disallowance underneath the insurance discount type. Wondering what which was. The statement was about 400 and insurance paid 200 so my statement simply wound up being 25 dollars plus it claimed disallowance of about 175." Car insurance and court hearing? i owned my car without insurance and got by authorities got 6 points when I m on provisional however, after 2 weeks i got an automobile merely to relocate local area like for shopping and rather than geting a taxi i thought i can utilize it however the second i got it I used to be driving back home police stopped me coz 1 crack light wasn't operating and got again points nevertheless the stage is dvla didnt directed me a disqualification notice and after a couple of months I had been operating my friends automobile because it was just a scrap and had no energy I used to be in gas pump abt 12 at night authorities people found be because my pal was building some hilarious sounds there therefore got reading and 1 yr ban...could some-one tell me just how much wonderful am I going to get and certainly will they sentence me for arrest...any support is going to be appriciated" How do you find medical health insurance for myself as a person? I am presently a sophomore in school, and scholar insurance, as it doesn't include dental and pays for pretty much nothing, and includes is actually hated by me. Where do I move if i have to get a different company?" Health Insurance Confusion? I'm a college student at the time of at this time and Iam protected under my mother's approach. She is an OR nurse virtually anywhere I move in this community I-donot have to pay considerably since they all are with those who function for the hospital she works, to acquire an appointment for. Within the slip I'll be joining a two states away where my substitute for get college medical health insurance or enroll to get it can be waived by me. Contemplating my health insurance solely truly works for this spot that is unique do I join for the university insurance? or waive? Because I am aware I will be getting checkups and such on campus anyway." If your name is not on your parents car insurance? if your name is not on your parents car insurance, are you allowed to drive it and will they cover you if you get into an accident? I might suggest that you visit this internet site where you can get rates from different companies: http://insurancereviewsite.xyz "Car insurance quotes that are peculiar, why?" In July, I got a price on the vehicle, it resolved as 900 for that year.(Iam only 17), and since then I've been receiving standard estimates, and cannot support but notice just how much it really is gone up. In just 2 months, it is increased to 1900 from 900. Anything has not changed, and when you've used confused.com you'll realize that you could simply re-offer, which will be what I've been doing. Anyone understand why it is increased so much. In addition it goes about 40 aday at this time up. Since it's the end-of the entire year, or the conclusion of the month could it be? Thanks to any answers beforehand." What could the minimum insurance to get a 2008 Ford Ranger vehicle for someone over 30 w/ a good history that is driving? ...in Texas. A lady. Could you advocate one? Regular medical expense of child first year? We have a $600 deductable with the 80/20 copay for our medical health insurance. Supposing the infant gets sick one-time inside the first year & goes to normal checkups, what would the medical bills be? How much is delivery in a hospital having an epidural & 2-day stay? Needless to say, this is all assuming we have a healthy infant." Howmuch may my car insurance be? Where should I go? Hi! I found myself in my parents throwing me off their insurance policy and a car accident that left my car totaled. I bought myself an automobile now I'd like to acquire insurance-but I want to view a month of what I'm going to be paying a guess. The crash is shown as my fault with the insurance documents. Do not choose or be mean to me I recently actually need support with this specific concern before I proceed look around I want to get yourself of what folks will tell me a guess. I'm Caucasian, a 17-year old girl. I have one major incident on my record. I live-in El Paso, Texas I'm driving a 91 BMW E30 318i that is in good condition. Just how much could you guess I Might pay a month for your insurance? I've a PAL without key accidents per month, paying on her own with good student discount. What's the bottom I might be capable of pay and what's the highest I might be capable of pay? Thanks so much to your support! Have a wonderful evening:)" Task price that is electrical cost average? For my hw, I am doing take off to get a 1 tale 28325 sq ft building. I have to account for the costs for your total task purchase. The issue is I-donot have knowledge in the market. Can you give some typical total cost for electrical distribution, department, and lighting task. Per month - SITE WORKPLACE (Monthly) WEBSITE STORAGE (per Month) CONSUMABLES SMALL METHODS COURIER TEMPORARY LIGHTING TEMPORARY POWER SECURITY SPECIALTY INSURANCE USL&H INSURANCE SCAFFOLDING RENTAL SCISSOR LIFT RENTAL OPT 25' BUCKET TRUCK RENTAL INCREASE TRUCK RENTAL SITE VECHICLES FOREMAN/GF VEHICLE PARKING (per vechicle) LABELING FIRESTOPPING SEISMIC ENG. CALC. FORKLIFT GASOLINE 15' BOOM LIFT 40' CONTAINER TRUCK WALL HEAT EQUIPMENT RENT BACKUP STRATEGY & STYLES OFFICE SUPPLIES DUMPSTER Easily also take into account permit cost of 1 %, would I be multipling towards the complete work and substance expense, subtotal all prices, or profit???" "Howmuch is motor insurance in albany?" I'd motor insurance in brooklyn,nyc but now I acquired verry expensive, and so I considered to go-to albany to get cheaper nsurance" Car insurance question? I recently passed my test, and was considering car insurance rates and they're all fairly expensive. I was wondering if I were to simply wait before I purchase a vehicle until I am about 23 or 24, would the insurance be cheaper though used to donot have any knowledge that is driving? Thanks ahead of time." Buying a superior (cheap!) health insurance? I live-in Southern California (Riverside) and Iam around the hunt for a good and cheap health insurance...believed I'd contact the Clear Answeris community for support. Could not hurt, right? Ideally (within my distorted little dreamworld) I need many physician's appointments for $25 or $30 a trip...and I wish a deductible of $5000 or less. Any tips? I actually have Tonik 3000...as well as their premiums are going as much as $102, and so I'm looking for something cheap er (ideally around $50). Any ideas? I've already checked out all of the significant kinds online" Motorcycle Insurance (600cc vs 750cc)? I'm buying up a fresh sportbike (Suzuki gsx r) here in a couple weeks and I was thinking the common cost of motorcycle insurance per month (or year if you spend gross). The cycle is going to be fully paid down after I obtain. Thank you Kevin BTW, for the time: I'm 25yrs old in California. It will be either 750cc or a 600cc." Moped insurance (Ireland)?? how much would insurance cost to get a 16 year old in Dublin having a provisional licence on a yamaha aerox 50cc in ireland? Insurance of the replica sportscar? Could I've to pay substantial insurance on a replica of a sports car, when really the car is in fact onto is only worth 600 the body kit is going to go?" What is the most effective health insurance and economical in illinois? For mom and a daughter I Scratched on another auto just how much may my insurance rise? I left a dime-size push on his auto just how much you think it will charge and shoved right into a guys auto though burning at a gas station? And how much will my insurance rise? Cheap car insurance for 17-year old male? My exam that was driving and I handed a few days ago and in two times i will have completed the PassPlus program. If everyone knew of everywhere that I could obtain a cheap motor insurance quote for a 1.2L 1996 corsa I was wondering. Ive attempted move review, income-supermarket, confused... However the cheapest one is still just more than 4,000! Quinn-Direct was 6! I have a-2 jobs and am still in school but i could never afford 4000 per year! I've heard about some areas that have a tip your eg that was not aloud to drive within specific time limitations. But I'dnot be operating then anyhow to ensure that doesn't bother me. Any advice/guidelines could be valued, thanks" About how much can my insurance be? My child will be 16 and that I was thinking my insurance can go up to if I get him a used Chevy silverado from within the past five years. "Howto reduce my car insurance, driver. that is fresh?" I am 18 in 2013 planning 19, and that I wish to know how I could perhaps produce my insurance cheaper. I took my pass plus which can be designed to cut the value down by way of a bit, but I Have identified many web assessment sites do not ask in case you have realized pass plus, consequently would it not be great to get a price online SUBSEQUENTLY ring up and attempt hit the cost down? Also what else can i do to slice on the charge along, officially?" What insurance certificate permits you to provide insurance to companies? What insurance certificate allows you to offer insurance to businesses? I dont no although I need braces on my teeth have Insurance that address it what can do assist do? i really need braces for my teeth and my health insurance wont pay for it. I'm 21 and my teeth are jagged and is in my own approach. I really do get SSI but i wanted to understand so what can I actually do because Braces charge to much money." Simply how much is medical insurance to get a child? Ballpark please, don't need precise figures. Teen parents, how much is medical health insurance for your child gonna be?" "Obtaining my chapter 7 bankruptcy, and life insurance prodeeds? Could the trustee get my cash that I'll be receiveing from my mothers life insurance policy? Any affordable medical insurance? Im looking to look for one thats great any ideas and I'm attempting to search for healthinsurance rightnow? "How much will it cost to guarantee a mini cooper, to get a fresh driver? Just about to start out driving and wish to know the expenses? Insurance on the 05 Polo? I'm 17 and questioning around how much would it not cost to have insurance on my mums 2005 volkswagen Polo under her brand? Thanks Where can I get economical liability insurance for little moving business? I am looking to take up a company that is going and I must locate liability insurance that is inexpensive and reliable. ENABLE with auto insurance for 17 year old? I'm searching for inexpensive car insurance for a 17 year old:/ its quotation that is proving hard and cheapest sofar is 3500 with my mommy as driver that is called. Does anyone know any companys that specialise in young motorists insurance or strategies to lessen it? If your name is not on your parents car insurance? if https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/adding-someone-ur-insurance-riley-rose/ is not on your parents car insurance, are you allowed to drive it and will they cover you if you get into an accident? I might suggest that you visit this internet site where you can get rates from different companies: http://insurancereviewsite.xyz

[abigailskoda]

Wedding Plans in 2015

It enables to visualise your favored wedding. Women have long planned their ideal wedding day,  Custom Made Jewellery however with the robust have an impact on of celeb marriages the current fashion for weddings has unfold far and huge, and is not restrained to the vastly rich. The picks you now have are fantastic, and lots of old traditions are being ditched or subtle for greater cutting-edge day ones. So wherein do you begin?

Well, there have been plenty of movies to watch for thought or thoughts; The Knot, Love clearly, My Best Friends Wedding, even TV hits like "Friends" had its proportion of weddings. These are great, however these weddings are approximately particular characters and personalities. They are high-quality to poach thoughts that you could construct on and refine, however in the end...

Start it with YOU! That's right, suppose 'big ego', 'no limits' and start at the top! Pretend for a moment you have got a bottomless pocket and pass beforehand and draw up your ideal wedding ceremony due to the fact you are about you!

So design all of it to your pad, appearance and research from the excellent weddings that inspire you- from the marriage dress to the ceremony and on to the reception(s). Yeah this is right, you could have multiple and it does not even have to be sooner or later both as some weddings cross on all week. It's a one-off unique day for you and there will be no others to suit it.

So now you've got a rough best wedding ceremony planned right? Well, perhaps your price range is a attention, so time to start making your dream wedding ceremony work on your practical wedding ceremony. Keep in mind your dream wedding though as it may be feasible for to overlay some of it onto your practical one. Hopefully, you have months till the large day so perhaps consider beginning with the less complicated stuff first; things you may cross and discover right now and work into your finances. In a wedding there are belongings you have to have, things that should be there (however no longer crucial) and things that you may easily afford to lose, specifically if it does no longer be just right for you.

The wedding get dressed and the venue are the first to arrange. Put yourself in an imaginary white room and visualise your dream dress acting on you. Next believe the white of the room turning into your venue. So which one seems better, less expensive, and practical in your thoughts? A Church or a registry office... ?

WEDDING THEMES

Themed weddings are a contemporary fashion in 2014, and from what I am seeing as a photographer there also are famous colour and food topics. If a fave shade is important to you then this may be start of your topic. Since the royal wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William, a brand new conventional style benchmark turned into set and additionally because the movie "The Great Gatsby" there was a definite flow in the direction of the 1920's appearance.

Now subject matters do include a fee tag, however will genuinely stand out for years to come. For subject matter inspirations take a look on-line and see what catches your eye.

THE DRESS & THE SHOES

wedding ceremony footwear The selections obtainable are more various than ever before, and in the long run you your dress and shoes are going to be the centre of attraction and remembered. Your photographer bases the wedding pix round you. Everyone else who brings their cameras are going to be pointing them at you as properly. Therefore, one component to preserve in thoughts: region your dress and shoes on the top of the budget list.

So what is current right now? Functional dresses that may be used time and again? Or something that flickers glamour and taste?

"Less is More" 1855 poem "Andrea del Sarto

Wedding clothes in hues apart from shades of white are simply something distinctive - creative and ambitious. They can be used over and over. Blush colorations, like red or peach are coming round again. A fashionable, pale, shimmering crimson is actually some thing to do not forget but in my opinion you cannot beat white. The classic white dress still sits at the pinnacle and has finished for loads of years.

Wedding portraiture

Depending on where you've got your ceremony, there are some issues to maintain in thoughts. A church wedding historically way hiring a unique vehicle to get you there. You ought to additionally think about the time you have got within the day as nicely; how lengthy will the journey be from A to B after which to C. If you are having a expert photographer, ensure you propose with him/her in which, how long and what sort of photography you would really like.

What's hot right now could be total coverage, and I locate the most interesting pix are the pre-wedding ceremony ones: the bridal prepping photographs of the makeup artist at paintings, the hair being styled, the marriage dress placing up prepared to be worn, the shoes, the state-of-the-art sparkling jewelry. As a society, we are now, greater than ever interested by the who, how and what went into creating a massive occasion. Look at any popular movie on DVD and Blu-ray nowadays and you may frequently locate the making-of documentaries are honestly longer than the film.

Preparation Preparation

We like seeing the main actors in between takes, behaving certainly and offering a little perception into their actual personalities. The equal applies to you, your bridesmaids, the Groom and grooms men. You clearly are going to be a superstar for the day and seeing the bridesmaids having a touch amusing getting geared up is exactly what you are going to need to look back on... No matter how antique they're.

A rite in a lodge may additionally imply no automobile is required, and you could loosen up a bit more due to the fact everything's central; all roads factor to one venue for absolutely everyone concerned. Also guests can book rooms for the night time so your reception does no longer ought to have a set end time.

Now permit's now not overlook a few key details both, have you concept about how the ring gets offered all through the rite? A favourite in the meanwhile is a adorned pillow with pins at the rings, or the own family canine sporting it down the aisle on call. Just be innovative, it is the little things that add that speciality.

Some church buildings and registrars have policies you want to be aware about and this is made clean when you are booking with them. They normally insist on only one respectable photographer being allowed to photo the event. This is not intended to be suggest or too controlling but it is a information protection trouble and in a few instances a copyright issue as nicely with reference to the venue. For instance, on the subject of the signing of the legitimate sign up no pictures is allowed - complete stop. This is a policy all officials will observe. But as soon as this formality is finished the photographer is free to seize the satisfied couple signing a fake e book rather.

Respect and Social Media

Something to keep in mind is the release of guest images onto social media at the night time of the marriage. You may or won't have an opinion on this, however a few couples ask their visitors to keep again their pictures and not submit them directly to social web sites till the legit ones are launched to so as hold their 'distinct' excellent. What I recommend is to ask every person on their invites to ship their pics to the bride and groom afterwards, and let them be the primary to peer their very own wedding.

Now I need to factor out a few facts right here: newbie photographers are anywhere and most of the people very own a few quite true cameras which can rival the photographers own device. Does this mean that uncle David is going to get the same snap shots as your hired photographer? Do you really want a photographer at all?

I can virtually say I even have in no way been wowed by those snaps. People do get lucky occasionally with perhaps 1 in 50. I even have but seen most of them emerge as online in social media web sites with titles like; pinnacle 100 worst wedding ceremony pictures though.

The factor is, you need a professional for quality and peace of thoughts. Like Jamie Oliver cooking a Wedding Breakfast or Maggie Sottero designing a unique get dressed, professionals in their field have the suitable device and skills to supply. A professional photographer is aware of what to look for and in which to be. You cannot assume a member of the family or pal to take on such a duty. The expert brings back-up facilities so no photograph is lost. He/she has the competencies to procedure your pictures and keep them nicely afterwards. Your employed photographer could have be versed in adjusting your snap shots, sprucing and cropping them to fit industrial print requirements geared up for printing.

DETAILS OF THE RECEPTION

Hunger - After a rite, maximum guests are hungry and thirsty. When making plans your wedding reception it might be sensible to provide canapés/appetisers with any reception beverages. These will revive any flagging visitors, and potentially save you any early inebriation.

Wedding reception

Cake - The wedding cake is a subculture that people seem to be re-vamping and modernising. Recent weddings I actually have attended have seen the slicing of the conventional iced fruit cake take a backseat and sometimes just no longer appear in any respect! This may be seasonal preference, as an example, iciness tastes veer towards chocolate and wealthy flavours, while in summer time I actually have visible light sponges, lemon cake or maybe simply an amazing antique cheesecake. Wedding fairs are presently promoting ice-cream desserts that double as a dessert for the Wedding Breakfast, or layered tiers of frosted cupcakes that can be dispensed on the large day with out the need to reduce the cake.

Messages - The conventional way is a visitor signing e book, it's a incredible keep sake to take home. But there are already new ideas available. How approximately a wishing well that guests can put little notes into? Once you're finished with it after the wedding, stick it in the lawn and permit nature grow round it.

Presents - A super way to make the speeches extra interesting is giving out offers to those who have helped and been there for you, you can even strive a a laugh raffle or supply out lottery tickets.

Kids - If there are youngsters present, you may be sure that they'll be bored and ready to begin running around, having amusing and generally getting under your ft. You can plan for this too, via having bubble blowing bottles available to hand out. It appears top on the snap shots too and is such fun even the adults be a part of in!

Staff - If you're having a large themed wedding ceremony, it is worth checking with the caterers in the event that they have a few form of uniform. A concept right here is request group of workers wear white gloves, they simply look classy and clean.

Food - The cutting-edge take on the Wedding Breakfast is less conventional with extra highly spiced delicacies at the menu. Styles vary however, through the years peoples tastes have simply modified. The greater creative your food the extra memorable your day can be, and depending on how lots time and money you have, how approximately attempting an eight route meal? It's all approximately the flavor.

Music at the same time as you consume - If you visit any wedding ceremony fair you'll locate some exquisite musicians to pick from. They can accompany your meal playing the piano or harp and will frequently play something you request. At one wedding I included recently the subject became rock, so the pianist become playing hits from ACDC, Metallica, Pink Floyd, Queen, Slip Knot and plenty of, many more. It turned into exclusive and funky!

Up lighting effects - Hiring a few lighting fixtures for the night is a first rate manner to absolutely alternate the temper of your event and deliver it an super appearance. Up lighting factor on the partitions and ceilings and may be set to a coloration to fit your theme. White fairy lighting fixtures can create a pretty history for your night time picture's and are in particular powerful after dark.

Night Music - Cover bands are famous in the interim and there are some fantastic businesses obtainable focusing on weddings. They will play your favourite tracks on request. Disco's, well do you need a disco? Technology is good enough now to be able to pretty a lot create your very own custom playlist that blends into each music from a computer or iPod/iPad. Just plug that into the band's amplifier and click play. You can alternate your own track with the band to present them a ruin. By the manner... Recollect to feed the band!

Flowers - Real or Fake? Its a hard one to decide upon, and it is able to be pretty nice to have vegetation to hide parts of employed halls. For others its some thing to perhaps forgo and overlook altogether. It without a doubt topics on how much importance it has for you.

[xylianna]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 I have had a lot of rum today and will totally star for star with you....of course I will probably be sober by the time you get to this... MORNING RUM IT IS!!!!

48 STARS?   SERIOUSLY DO YOU WANT MY LIFE STORY?  CAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET IT.

1. my first pet was a rabbit named Carmel

2. my first cat was a yellow tabby named Orlith (Moreta’s queen dragon in the Dragonriders of Pern books)

3. my other two cats have been named Wolf and Lynx.  Wolf is my old lady cat, 18 years old.  Lynx I had to rehome when I moved a few years ago.  Orlith died years ago, the poor thing.

4. I learned how to hunt because I live in an area that is THE THING and also animals are tasty. I spent hours tracking a damn pheasant on my first hunt but because of my shitty eyesight/lack of depth perception, couldn’t see it, so my dad shot it. He still credited me with the kill since I tracked it.

5. I like to go fishing, if by fishing you mean “sit on the boat and read a book because its pretty on the water”

6. I like spreadsheets a little too much. Google Sheets means I can have them EVERYWHERE.

7. I love to sing, and its the one thing I’m actually a bit arrogant about. At least, I feel like its arrogance. Maybe its just being truthful? I have a really good voice. I trained it for a lot of years.  it’s one of the few things I can do that almost always lifts my mood.

8. I hadn’t seen any live concerts in ages, and then in 2016 I saw Final Fantasy A New World and the Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses

9. I have next to no confidence in anything outside my singing and it still boggles my mind that people like my writing. this isn’t me fishing for compliments, I’m honestly astounded. I read other people’s stuff and I’m blown away that those same people like mine, when theirs is just so fucking amazing.

10. sometimes I go anywhere between a day or a week without contacting anybody just to see if anyone bothers to talk to me if I don’t reach out first.  the results usually make me more sad than before I tried. and make me question most my ‘friendships’.

11. I’ve been single for two years and I kinda hate it, but don’t expect it to change anytime soon. part of the reason is i’m picky AF.  most of the reason is I have little to no social life.

12. I’m pagan and I am deeply spiritual but I generally don’t discuss it at all if I’m not asked by a close friend, because to me spirituality and religion is DEEPLY personal

13. I have never slept with a woman who hasn’t decided afterwards that she’s straight. this is probably why I’ve dated so few women. while logically I know there’s no correlation between my performance and their declarations (especially as my more recent ex-gf is dating another woman now), its still a pretty big ego blow.

14.  Sorry I just answering this to sing for like 10 minutes.   Currently trying to type while singing “Missing” by Evanescence.  ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST!

15. i hate going to movies alone and will actively buy people tickets just so I don’t have to

16. I hate cooking for just me when my son isn’t home, so instead I tend to batch cook and freeze a bunch to enable lazy dinners down the road

17. I’m a really good cook :D

18. Tomorrow I play D&D! I play once a month with a small group of family and friends. This is the third group I’ve had for the same campaign and I don’t think I’ll ever see the end at this rate, haha.

19. I also play WoW.  In WoW, I play Xylianna, the Paladin.  In D&D I play a Fighter.  I like swords okay?

20. work sucked this week but I have rum now :D

21. I had cancer when I was 17.   In 2 months will be my 18th anniversary of being cancer free. I celebrate that more than my birthday, or my wedding anniversary before I was divorced.  Nothing gets you to pare the bullshit out of your life faster than getting that diagnosis, let me tell you.

22. HOW THE FUCK AM I ONLY ON NUMBER 22 WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME *gets a third drink*

23. In my local kink community, my ‘scene name’ is one of my first OTP’s.

24. If 23 didn’t warn you, I’m going to talk about BDSM now. I’m a switch insofar as I’ll top without any real hint of dominance since I LOATHE the responsibility of being a dom.  Iggy in Discretion/What Would Happen is totally based off me, because I vastly prefer to give over control since my entire fucking life is me running everything. I run my dept at work, I run my house, I run my gaming group, I run my karaoke group.  Sometimes I just need a break okay?

25. also gimme dat pain

26. and I’ll give you some, too, because I enjoy service topping

27. Consent is Sexy, okay?   I go out of my way to portray consent being constantly re-established in my bdsm fics particularly, because its never okay to assume that just because I was allowed to do X last week, its okay to do X this week. I mean obviously in an established relationship, it would be different, but even then CONSENT AND COMMUNCATION, SO FUCKING SEXY

28. I wish I could play a string instrument. I bought a guitar and tried to learn it but it turns out I am not good at teaching myself something so different from what I already know, haha.  Chords  are confusing to me for some reason. Or I made them more confusing than they had to be.

29. I am embarrassed to admit how many years its been since I picked up one of my clarinets.  I wish I could find a local ensemble to join, but, that would mean reaching out and asking and aahhhhhh *hides*

30. I would also totally lose my shit if I could find a choral group to join that wasn’t attached to a Christian church. no offense at all to christian churches, but I feel a bit dishonest joining a group connected to a faith I don’t share, you know?

31. when I go to xmas eve church with my mom at her church, my brother-in-law’s mother does indeed make me join choir for that night, and its great!

32. i’m intensely lonely most of the time but I pretend i’m not because indulging in the feeling won’t change anything. and tbh part of it is my fault for isolating myself.

33. I have chronic severe depressive disorder coupled with a side of anxiety. So I feel like shit, and I worry about it, LOL

34. Prior to November 2017 NaNoWriMo, I hadn’t written in over 10 years, save for a couple 300ish word short stories.

35.  part of me is terrified certain family members will find my AO3/Tumblr. I actually talked to my psychologist about this fear at my last appointment. We agreed that if they go to so much trouble as to find my internet alter ego, they deserve to be offended by my work. Fuck ‘em.

36. just once I wish I could feel the support I give my family given to me. I have one supportive family member and its not even blood. my brother-in-law is my best friend, for real.  my Warder (if you follow WoT), bonded in balefire.  I wish the rest of my family would care about me, but I’m working on accepting they just won’t.

37. I love learning languages for the same reason I love studying music, and I love writing - my goal is to communicate as effectively as possible, make people really understand, and the more avenues open to me the better

38. when I get a little drunk, I forget English and speak a mashup of Spanish, German, and Japanese

39. I have to go to karaoke tomorrow night for the first time since I was sexually harassed at karaoke last October, and I’m kinda terrified

40. I get very down on myself when I realize in my writing I do no world building and very little serious plotting. I basically write angst, or love, or smut. I’m trying to be okay with that, but I admit I feel like I don’t do a good enough job.

41. wow way to kill the mood, Xy.   honestly, if anyone is still reading this, you get a fucking medal.  i’m not that interesting, and I probably should have stopped writing this long ago.

42. I really wish life would give me a fucking break, you know?  but that’s not how it works.  you gotta make your own breaks, and I’m too gods-damned tired to try at present.  Maybe I’ll try later this year.

43. I wish I lived alone. Ironic, since I’m lonely 99% of the time.  But having a roommate isn’t the same as having companionship and sometimes I just want to not listen to someone else’s blaring TV or have someone else walk thru the house while I’m writing at the table or have someone comment on my singing (even if its complimentary)

44. WOW I GOT DEPRESSED LETS LIGHTEN THINGS UP SHALL WE?  I love apple scented shit.

45.  I own at least 10 pairs of kitty ears, and two tails.  In fact I am wearing ears to karaoke tomorrow.  Meow.

46.  I want the relationship I write for Gladnis in my Discretion series BUT I’M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH FAM

47.  my son is 8 yrs old and he’s honestly the best thing i’ve done with my life, and he is the thing I am most proud of, even topping my joy in beating cancer

48.  in 2016 I lost 120 pounds.  in 2017 i gained 30 back.  in 2018… we’ll see.

HOLY FUCK THAT WAS HARD I DESERVE MORE RUM NOW OKAY

[rumongray]

Eh.

As of late, that’s been...how I’ve been describing how I’ve been feeling. “Eh.”

I’m going to be up front here, I...haven’t been feeling well, emotionally, in the last few months. I’ve been obfuscating it in different ways. Being “active” when my “activity” was a hollow front. Smiling at things because I knew it made others happy, made them believe I meant it. I suppose I could chalk that up to tact, and good social graces, but the point of this is to be...honest.

Before I start, before people worry, a few things.

--I’m doing okay financially, not in a bad way or anything. --I’m not in any serious danger of any sort. --I’m physically, logically okay.

Where I’m at...let’s call it Death by a Thousand Cuts.

The purpose of writing this all out, admitting it, is to see it in writing for myself, while also explaining myself to you guys. Again, to be honest.

I have some serious insecurities that I wish I didn’t have. I’ve mentioned these things before, these...holes in that wall that keep the water from rushing in. Fear of abandonment, fear of being...ignored, fear of being boring... Fear of ostracization, which takes its form in many ways. I know that like...99.9% of the events that cause this kind of hurt...cause those holes in the wall to crack even more, are either unintentional, or just plain non-existent because of me overthinking things. Another problem of mine.

So over the last few months, whether they knew it or not, people were setting their chisels against the wall, and sometimes they caused more cracks, or sometimes they created new breaches entirely. That cold water seeped in, and before I knew it...I was in over my head.

I hit a pretty dark moment. I’ll get to that in a bit.

So what where these events? A number of things. I’ve pretty much transitioned from Discord to Telegram. I’m still on Discord, just...don’t talk much there I suppose.

And on Telegram, I joined a number of awesome groups of people with similar interests. Furry stuff, local communities and the like, a great chat for Scalies, it’s overall been a pretty positive experience. I met some amazing new friends on there!

But then there are days when it just...I dunno how to explain. I like to think of these groups as big...parties. And sometimes people will all be hanging out, chatting, and I’ll try to speak up, or ask something, or poke someone to say hi, and get...no response. And the thing is, I’ll try again, and again and again, and get no response...and it’s after like...9 tries that I start to wonder if I’m invisible or something. I’m not talking like “whoops it got lost in the scrolling,” I mean when I try many...MANY times. To the point where it seems like something is truly wrong.

...I also want to interject here and also admit that this part here? This bit of admission? I also feel so goddamn stupid for feeling it the way I do, because logically, I know there are simple answers to it, but my brain’s a goddamn idiot and wants shit to have a deeper meaning or some shit like that.

So yeah. My mood around these groups seemed to bounce up and down. One day I’m happy, chatting with friends, being all chipper and excited and hype! The next I’m just...down, and people are just chatting on, going on without me, and it just...ugh. It bugged the shit out of me. That constant climb and fall...I almost think it takes more of a toll on a person than staying in the middle. It’s like taking really deep breaths, in order to breathe it all out as hard as you can, then taking another deep breath in. It leads to hyperventilation, it fucks up your circulation and rhythm.

Then we have work, which...yeah.

At a point, I was working pretty much overtime every week. Get this...I trained -THREE- people how to close the store in my specific position. Three.

Then a week later, all three of them went to the management. “Uh...we can’t close, we have school.”

All of them. They all individually did this.

...

So I was doing overtime, closing every single day. Great for my wallet! ...not so much my free time or sanity. If you ever wondered “how could Ken stay at that job for so long?!”

Well the answer was job security. I have my own apartment, after all, which to some might not be much, but to others it might be the whole world. So I put up with the exceptionally rude and thoughtless customers, the management that doesn’t seem like it entirely gives a shit...among other things. I put up with it because I -can- endure it, for the most part, and it keeps a roof over my head.

On top of that were the ever-present nagging little fears, worries, and doubts. I’m 35 and work at a goddamn restaurant with no real career experience in anything more worthwhile, no college degree, nothing. I’m pushing toward 40 with a minimal amount of sexual experiences that I just recently started feeling a deep sense of regret and loss for.

And fuck...I’ll just admit it, I’m fuckin’ lonely. I miss so many things from the previous years. Voice chatting with people while Tomis makes funny doodles from the conversation, or talking about things with Sinquest and getting pumped up to work on stuff in that world! Everything just...fractured, and I feel like sometimes I watched all the pieces fall apart while I stood there, stunned.

So...between that and my limited free time spent on emotionally hyperventilating, I suppose it was only a matter of time before something broke the walls down. And like a lot of these sorts of things, it was something completely stupid.

A local group of furs that I’ve become a part of, they decided to all have a meetup out at a restaurant. But thing is, these things happen quite often, but they’re usually nothing too special or big. For some reason, this day, -everybody- decided to go. ...I found out about it about...five minutes before it started. I asked for a ride of some kind, got no response or “well we’re kinda already here” and the like. And it just...fucked me up. I just don’t know what it was, I think it was the idea of people not wanting to spend five minutes for a pickup, or just...I dunno. I found out later that even -more- of my friends went, friends who weren’t actually in the group, but were invited through PM’s and that kinda sealed the deal for me.

So i went to a dark place. I just kinda crawled into bed and sat there. I lay there for the entire day off that I had. I just glanced at my phone, bitter and angry, and at the same time guilty and ashamed at being bitter and angry at something that was innocuous and benign. Something that wasn’t “worth” being angry at, but there I was all the same. I felt like my chest was made of iron, weighing me down.

I started having thoughts like “...why do I bother getting out of bed at all? Why the fuck do I go to work? Why the fuck to I pay bills? What the fuck do I get from all this bullshit?“

It took me a couple of days to realize that it was the closest thing to a suicidal thought that I’d had since...well...maybe I’ll tell that story someday.

So I’d hit a sort of “bottom” I suppose. I was already headed there, honestly. I could see the signs before that day was even a blip on the radar. I had fallen off of my workout routine. I almost stopped playing games, I started losing interest in things that weren’t streams or Youtube. Not just for a couple of days, but every SINGLE day. Writing? Pfft, nope. Couldn’t force it if I tried.

“...Eh.”

My motivation was shot. It still is, but it’s clearly gotten at least better, since I’m taking the time to write all this out.

So why didn’t I really say anything sooner?

The answer is pretty simple: I was bitter. Very bitter. The kind of bitterness that taints the world around you, gives everything a...change in its color. I -knew- how I would react to the responses to this back then. I would smile a little, but then I’d start having those “they’re only saying it out of pity,” or some such nonsense. Ugly, sick feelings that weren’t true at all, but my perception would color them in such a way. It would be ugly and downright sinister.

And none of you deserve that. So I decided to hide it until I got to a place where I was comfortable in sharing.

Today.

Today I’m a little better, yes, but I’m nowhere near out of the woods. I managed to finally surface for a breath, and now I have to try to find the ways to solve the problem, to overcome and start getting back to treading water. To start putting that wall back up and make it stronger, somehow.

I had all these things I wanted to work on and get finished before the end of the year, but I don’t think they’ll be completed by then. I think the month of December will have to be for recovery and recuperation, loathe as I am to admit it. I hate feeling lazy, but I think it’s what I need to do right now. Honestly I think it would be for the best.

But to close this out, I want to focus on some of the positive things that occurred to me, or happened over the last few months.

--After sharing some of my writing with these groups I previously mentioned? I’ve had three separate people asking me if I took commissions. This meant the goddamn world to me, because as much as I’ve been wanting to open myself up to the idea, I’ve also had those nagging doubts that it wouldn’t be very...lucrative and that I wouldn’t get many takers.

--I met some amazing new friends through these groups, who have done some incredibly nice things for me. From Mero actually adding me to a commission of his for my birthday (HERE! :D), To Senjin-Seadog for showing me their writing, private or not. My friend Gyro wanting to hang out and we end up playing almost all of Super Mario Odyssey in one night, giggling. My buddy Eric coming over so we can watch The Room. (Oh Tommy Wiseau, you brought so much unintentional joy, ha-ha-ha) And on top of that, all the amazing people I’ve had heart-to-heart chats with over the last few months,

--Managed to have a chance to sit down with my restaurant manager about problems i’ve noticed, and holy shit he actually listened to me about a lot of them, and I’ve seen some serious improvements.

--I’m doing decently well as far as finances goes. Because of all that overtime, my bank account is a little bit padded, even after that recent money scare I had with my dad accidentally taking money of my account. (Paid back now thankfully.) On top of that, I was able to get approved for state food benefits again, which is another bit of help that I needed, which was taken away from me for stupid reasons.

--I’m slowly getting interest back in things that I previously mentioned that I had lost. I’m still not back on my workout routine, but I’m crawling back, little by little each day, and I’m sure I’ll get back there in time.

--I truly do believe that I’m very slowly getting better.

--I have amazing friends.

So where do I go from here? Well for starters, I’ve been writing a daily (private) journal of the day’s experiences, how they made me feel, and I’m trying to dissect why they make me feel that way. I’m making a more concerted effort to temper my emotions with logic, so that my mind doesn’t start immediately looking toward the dark corners.

I’ve also put the things I want to do into a list, both on my desktop as a text file and as a handwritten list, to cement these things, make them tangible in a way, in order to try to kick-start my motivation back into gear.

I’m also learning to forgive myself if I don’t do something in a particular day. Like I said, I’m taking this month to recuperate, there’s no sense in blaming myself for being “lazy,” as that would just be shooting myself in the foot.

Whew.

This went on exceptionally long, sorry about that. If you made it this far, I appreciate it, and know that I love you, and all of my friends dearly. I don’t have anything else to really add I suppose. That heavy feeling is still in my chest, I still feel like I’m under the waves, and that I’m still recovering from my emotional hyperventilation. I’m still...”eh.”

But hopefully that will get better.

Thank you for your support. Take care of yourselves.

--Lizard Dad

#rumon rambles #vent #Long post #Not sure what else to tag #Take care of yourselves. #<3

[ships-sailing-in-the-night]

Fic request: 2*13. Chloe quetly admits to Lucifer that during her "Hot Tub days" her behavior wasn't ideal and now she's slightly afraid of... Hell. She doesn't believe it but close death make her consider the idea of afterlife and she's worried about her fate.

Here ya go! This isn’t really an AU but I just added an extra scene where Lucifer enters her room before he leaves for Vegas. Also, I want to apologize in advanced for the angsty end, probably not up to @sanoiro standards for angst but alas it was all I could muster. I hope you enjoy! Read below or on AO3 here. 

Lucifer stood outside of Chloe’s room door, she had recovered from the poisoning because he had willingly died to go to hell and retrieve the formula for the cure. The experience had terrified him, losing Chloe had scared him to death, both figuratively and literally, and he was going to make sure nothing like this ever, ever, happens again. Not by the manipulation of his father nor his mother. After he made sure Chloe was going to be alright he was going to leave LA for a little while so she could be free of him. The door opened and out came Trixie, the Detectives daughter looked up at him and then suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Thank you for saving mommy, you really are an angel sent to look after us.”

“I assure you I am nothing of the sort” was what he wanted to say but in light of the recent events, he simply said “your welcome” and awkwardly patted the child on the back. He detached her from himself and sent her off to go find Maze.

“Oh, and by the way, mommy has a question for you.” Trixie then turned and headed down the hospital hallway in search of Maze.

Lucifer straightened his suit and entered Chloe’s room one last time.

“You look well.”

“Well I couldn’t have gotten to this point without you, so thank you again for saving my life.”

“Well, huh, like I said when you got yourself shot the first time. I can’t exactly let you die…you are far to interesting.” He offered a warm smile as he walked up to the side of her bed and sat in the chair that was placed next to it.

“If you had distracted me with the whole crossing the planes thing I probably wouldn’t have gotten shot in the first place.” She gave a teasing glare towards the man now sitting by her side, offering a soft gaze in his direction. He chuckled lightly at her statement before they both fell silent for a few moments.
“Beatrice told me you had a question to ask me? So tell me, what do you desire? And I’m not trying to use my ‘mojo’ as you so call it, I am just simply asking.”

“Well, as you know I don’t really believe in God, or Heaven and Hell. I only believe in good and evil and right and wrong.” Lucifer hummed in agreement, allowing Chloe to take her time in figuring out what she specifically wanted to ask. Not pushing her too much, she was still recovering from her near death experience.

“…but, when my nose started bleeding in my home the other night ago, and it wouldn’t stop I knew something was wrong. I had first initially thought that I had somehow gotten poisoned, perhaps at the college party or something. I soon dismissed the thought because it was perhaps just the change in temperatures from outside and inside. Then I heard you come in and I still couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. You came into my room and, well that’s how I ended up here.” She waved her hand around, signaling the room she was currently in.

“Seeing that I almost died I had a little time to think about my life and….” She swallowed, fighting the tears that were now threatening from escaping the ducts in her eyes. She hoped Lucifer wasn’t noticing the fact that she was on the very of tears, but he was a perceptive man when it came to her emotions.

“…and?” He gently pushed her further seeing how she was starting to become unsettled by whatever she was about to say.

“and well…I thought about how if I did die I would end up in hell for the countless number of people I have killed and all the stuff I did back in my acting days.  I wasn’t a perfect person back then, I was like all the other acting teenagers, I got into drugs a little, I would party hard on days I wasn’t working, and then once I became a cop…the number of lives I have taken. The people I have killed….Lucifer I took them away, from their families, there lives here on Earth. I don’t believe in God, but I don’t want to spend an eternity in He-“ Tears started running down her cheek as her breathing started to pick up its pace. Lucifer could tell that because of what she had done in the past would mean she would go to eternal damnation instead of the life everlasting.

“Detective…Chloe.” Lucifer said in a soft voice, reaching to take her hand in his.

“You are by far one of the most annoyingly righteous person I have ever known. You are an amazing mother to a brave and wonderful girl. You go out every day working hard to keep the people of LA safe from drug lords and everyday criminals. You are, as I said a couple of weeks ago, selfless, to a very, very high nauseating degree.” He managed to get a small laugh from Chloe from the last statement, the same line he used when he was explaining his ‘worth’ to her on the beach. With her free hand, she wiped the tear that had now stained her soft cheek, while she blinked frequently to keep more tears from escaping her aqua orbs.

“We all have a past we are not proud of….we all make mistakes. However, what we did in the past does not define who we are now unless we want it to be that way. You are defined by what you do now and that is clear to everyone, Trixie, Maze, me, and even including dear old Dad. Every day you risk your life to help seek justice for those who cannot. You have taught me so much in these past few months and to say that you honestly believe that you could go to Hell? Well, hell I’d storm the gates of heaven and bring war upon the Silver City before I’d let anyone of my siblings take you there. No Detective, when your time comes, which won’t be for many many years I’ll make damn sure of that, you will live a happy, eternal life in the Silver City where you will reunite with your father and other family loved ones. So don’t you ever let anyone believe, or tell you, that for the people you have had to shoot due to protecting those who are innocent, will condemn you Hell, because they are wrong.”

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before standing up from the chair once more. He leaned in and placed he palm against her soft, wet, cheek. With his thumb, he stroked away and remaining tears. Chloe leaned into the warmth that was radiating from his hand, closing her eyes she remembered how he had done the same thing for reassurance when she had first been shot.

“Well, you did keep your promise so far, though you were cutting it awfully close mister.” She laughed as she opened her eyes and took hold of his wrist with her free hand.

“I am true to my word Detective, I will not let you die. Father is going to have to wait a very long time before he can have you. Now, why don’t you get some rest? You have had a very eventful couple of hours and you need your strength so you can handle the amount of energy you spawn has seemed to keep within her. Honestly, I don’t know where she stores it all?!” He stroked her cheek one last time with her thumb before retreating away from Chloe to allow her to sleep. He turned and headed towards the hospital room door one last time. He placed his hand on the handle before his movements were stopped by Chloe’s soft voice.

“Lucifer?”

“Yes, Detective?” Chloe had so much more she wanted to tell Lucifer, she wanted to tell him how she really felt about him and how grateful she was for him, but she was so tired she decided to tell him at another time.

“Thank you,” was all she could muster for now. Lucifer turned his head to take a look at Chloe one last time. To memorize her aqua eyes that shined so bright like the first star, to remember her face and her smile that she used whenever they were together. He memorized what the sound of her voice was like when she called his name. He memorized every bit of detail and feature that made Chloe, Chloe, so when he couldn’t see her in person, she would always be in his mind and in his heart.

“You welcome.” He gave her one last warm smile that was full of unrequited love and he could feel his eyes start to become wet with tears. If he didn’t leave now he would not be able to leave Chloe behind but he had to remember that this was all of Father’s plan and that Chloe’s feelings for him weren’t real. Nothing they had was real therefore to ensure her free will he needed to be as far away from her as possible. Turning the door handle he opened the door and walked out. The door closed behind him but he didn’t dare look back, looking back meant being a pawn in Fathers plan. He couldn’t do that, it wasn’t fair for Chloe and he cared way to much too do that too her. He followed the signs that marked ‘EXIT’ until he was outside. Placing his hands in his pockets he walked away from the sun that brightened up his life, all that was left now was darkness and a broken heart.

You don’t drown by falling in water, you drown by staying there.

And that’s it! Again I am deeply sorry for this somewhat angsty end there. I hope you enjoyed otherwise! Thanks for the request! :)

#anon #ask #answered #lucifer fanfic #deckerstar #angsty #some fluff? #lucifer spoilers

[diemerald]

for oc q's. 1,2,9, 14, 33, A, B, I

HEY WHAT’S UP EVERYBODY I’m Dia and I love writing fanfiction, writing ocs, and talking about my ocs. If you haven’t read the fanfic all of these ocs come from, you can do that here. It’s about a Litwick who accidentally does some terrible things and then goes on a journey to figure out who he is. It’s been my pride and joy for a while now and personally I think you’ll like it.You don’t have to read it to read this, though it’ll definitely give you some context! Who knows though, maybe reading my excitement for these characters will get you to want to read the fic itself!

Oh one more quick thing: some of these characters aren’t appearing until part 3, which isn’t out yet but is very very close to being done. Consider this a fun preview!!

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

-Light gets a little anxious when nothing’s happening but overall he’s fine waiting a while. He’s happy for a break tbh because he spends most of his life stressed-Violet tries to find things to do even when she’s otherwise completely free. She gets really antsy and impatient when she has to wait around for too long-Ari is by far the most patient out of all of these characters. When he’s not around others he’s entirely fine with waiting days or weeks, thinking about things. He knows he doesn’t really have any reason to hurry (he’s a Ghost type, and in my personal headcanon Ghost types don’t move on to their next life until they want to), so in his mind that means he doesn’t have to rush anything. This gets complicated if his unfortunately mortal friends get involved though. He gets really anxious that they’ll go away and he’ll just be left alone, even though he believes they’ll see each other again in a shared afterlife-Liz is very impatient and action-oriented, and she can’t go very long at all without doing something productive. Luckily for her she chose a lifestyle that basically requires her to always be doing something. Definitely the most high-energy of the group-Philly is by far the most impatient. He pretty much always needs something to engage with or he’ll just be sooooo boreeeeeeeed and he’ll make a big deal out of it and everything. Well, he is just a kid

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?-Light’s gotten a lot better at being able to laugh recently. For a long time it’d be almost never, but now he’s comfortable enough to at least giggle a little at a funny joke-Violet’s got her whole “no-nonsense” persona going, so when she laughs it’s usually dry and sarcastic. That being said, Light and now Philly do have the ability to make her completely break and laugh really hard on occasion-Ari laughs a lot. He has a very low bar for what jokes he finds funny, and he laughs at his own jokes all the time! A lot of stuff is just really amusing to him-Liz’s laughs are more because she’s having fun and enjoying herself and less because she’s just heard a good joke. That being said, she likes laughing and tends to laugh pretty frequently-Philly is similar to Ari in that he laughs at just about everything that could make him laugh. He’s just out enjoying life

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?-Light did in one of his darker moments just because he thought he should, but eventually he decided it wasn’t really for him. It’s like when he took on a different name because he wanted distance from how he previously thought of himself. Eventually he realized that was a pretty bad idea and he should just go back to his usual self-Violet does, but fairly rarely and definitely not in front of Philly. She’ll do it casually, just not very often-Ari absolutely does not. One of the side effects of dying before he had a chance to grow up was that all of the rules you’re given as a child that you eventually grow out of stuck around a bit in his subconscious. He still feels like he’s not allowed, even though he’s in charge of himself now-Liz does, but only when something really serious is going down and she’s really stressed. Since she tries to be as friendly and open as she can be with other Pokémon, she prefers not to-Philly is definitely too young. He acts young too (well, most of the time), so no one wants to be the one to swear in front of him

14. What animal do they fear most?I’m going to change the wording of this to “Pokémon” for obvious reasons-Light is honestly most afraid of other Litwick (and their evolutions of course). He knows all too well what they’re capable of, and the fact that they’re sitting on that much power over people is just really frightening to him. Of course Ari teaches him that he doesn’t really need to fear them, but Light can’t help it-Violet’s not afraid of much. Even though she’s still just a Zubat, she’ll take on things easily several times her size and grin while doing so. She’s probably most scared of strong Pokémon that she’s weak against, but even then it’s not much-Ari’s not really scared of anybody because the worst that can happen to him is being knocked out for a bit. That being said, it still hurts, so he can definitely be afraid that something’s going to attack him-Liz is afraid of her former partner and current rival. They had a big split from each other, and when that happened he behaved with a ferocity she did not expect to see from anyone, least of all him. That’s all I can say without spoiling part 4, and part 3′s not even out yet!-Philly puts up a front so all of his friends will think he’s brave, but really he’s afraid of just about everyone who’s bigger than him. Which is… most Pokémon33. Could they be considered lazy? -When Light doesn’t do something it’s usually because he’s too anxious to do it. So he might be perceived as lazy, but he isn’t really-Sometimes Violet blows things off because they’re just not very interesting to her. In that sense, she’s definitely lazy-Again, Ari doesn’t really feel any sort of time-related pressure, so he’ll get to tasks he doesn’t quite feel like doing on his own time. This leads to frustration from his mortal friends who don’t really operate on the same wavelength. Ari’s like “who cares if I do this now or in like 4 months?”-Liz absolutely cannot be considered lazy. She’s always moving, always getting stuff done, to the point where her friends are really confused at how she can work that much without taking a break-Philly takes naps. A lot of naps. He tries to shirk work when he can, but Liz won’t have any of it 

A) Why are you excited about this character?

-I get to write my fic from Light’s perspective, which is immensely fun because I get to just fully dive in and be my character for a while. So much of my fic is there because I just got into Light’s headspace and wrote something I thought he would say. It’s by far the most organic part of my writing, and imo it’s what I do best. There’s also the letter angle– one of my first ideas for this story was that Light would be writing to an unknown Pokémon who he would gradually reveal more and more details about. They’re like an ongoing mystery for the audience to keep in the back of their heads. I’ve thought about that character extensively, and I have all of their details in my head and written down just like all of my other characters. When it’s finally time to reveal that character fully, I’m looking forward to how they stack up against the image of the character readers made for themselves! (By the way everyone, if you read this fic or if you’ve already read it it would be GREAT if you’d send me predictions for who you think that character’s going to be, when they’ll show up, why they’re not responding, and so on. Not only will each message restore my lifespan by 10 years, I will also love you forever

-I knew I wanted a second protagonist for this story– Light works well by himself, but only to a point, and then it’s best to bounce him off of other characters. I set a couple rules for myself in making this character. The character could be a romantic interest if the story went that way, but only under the conditions that they were their own character who operates outside of the confines of a romance plot and that Light and this character would have to make for a very odd-looking couple. I also wanted the character to be very strong (in a battle sense), cool, and confident, all while challenging people’s normal perception of what Pokémon those traits are attached to. This led me to picking Zubat, a fairly unpopular Pokémon that’s definitely not seen as cool or strong and certainly isn’t even close in design to a Litwick. All this was done so the character could be and could be seen as an individual, not as an accessory to fulfill the “romance plot” check box. I wanted to put the focus on their friendship and camaraderie first, with the potential for romance taking a backseat but still very much being there and important to them. This is not primarily a love story (though it can be considered one in a secondary sense if you assume a lot about Light and Violet solving their current issues– I’m not telling if they do or don’t!). This is the story of Light coming to terms with himself and who he is, as well as the stories of the Pokémon he meets along the way. So when I started writing Violet and I absolutely loved how she was turning out, I knew I was making the right choice. Ever since I’ve loved how she constantly challenges Light to be better than he is, but also holds him accountable when he screws up. They work really well as a team, and they both know it. Now they’ve separated from each other, and part 3 is all about finding out why. I’m excited and anxious for people to find out what I’ve known for a long while, and I hope they will be too!

-Ari is my newest character, but it’s how I’m writing him that’s most exciting for me! In addition to him appearing in part 3 of this fic, I’ve also been rping him over on Twitter! (He’s @SoulTactility if you’re interested in that scene). His rp presence and fic present aren’t reliant on one another, so it’s not like I’m leaving out any critical details for those only following one half or the other, but it’s certainly the same character! This is a really interesting way for me to explore one character over two different mediums, and to essentially make him his own main character in his rp, even though he only appears as a side character here. Developing him consistently has been really engaging, and I’ve grown to really love his perspective and voice!

-Liz has been a character I’ve been really anxious to write about ever since having the idea a long, long time ago. The idea behind her is so fun, and she appears so simply and clearly to me that she practically writes herself! I could easily write a spinoff just focused on Liz and her adventures (and I might!), but for now I’ve needed to corral her a bit to make sure Light continues to be the main character. Still, Liz is absolutely crucial to the long-term plot of the series (which has been set up since part one, though you probably won’t understand how until part four), so I’m really looking forward to everyone seeing how that comes together!

-I’ve known about Philly since 2012, when I was close to finishing part one and started imagining characters and plot lines for part two. Over the course of a few years without much writing but with a lot of reflection, part two’s plot shifted immensely, and most of the characters involved in it were scrapped. Through it all Philly persisted, and I knew I had to write about him. Now, in part three, he’s finally ready to make his big debut..! I’ve held onto him for a long time, and I’m really ready to let him out into the world

B) What inspired you to create them?

-I was reading various Pokédex entries on Bulbapedia one day and Litwick’s caught my eye. I’ve been a Litwick fan ever since I heard about the concept, before BW was even localized, but that was the first time I focused in on their legend. I thought about how scary it would be for a normal, basically good Pokémon to hold the power to take someone’s actual life force. And then I thought about how much scarier it would be if that Pokémon couldn’t control that power. Light, and the entire fic, was born out of that central idea

-I already went over this above, but basically for Violet I just wanted a cool character to act as a foil to Light who wouldn’t necessarily be considered cool in other aspects of the franchise

-My friends kept trying to convince me to try a Pokémon account on Twitter rp (I usually rp trainers). Eventually someone suggested Litwick, who everyone knows is my favorite, and of course I was immediately excited about that idea. I knew I had to differentiate this new Litwick from Light… and then I remembered that I’d needed to create a second Litwick to serve as Light’s guide when it came time to explore what happened to him during the timeskip in part two, and I hit on the idea to kill two birds with one stone! For his actual characterization, I took him as an opposite to Light: instead of having no experience with his soul power, he’s lived in it all his life. From there, dominoes started falling as I imagined what kind of a character someone who’s had these powers for 20+ years would be…

-Liz’s inspiration should be obvious to anyone who knows the kind of action stories I like. With these later parts I really wanted to expand the cast from just Light and Violet to representatives from the wider Unova region. I already had Celestial Tower as a singular community, complete with a governing force and community rules, so I thought about what kinds of characters would push a bunch of disparate groups of Pokémon into entire communities that are practically invisible to humans. Obviously they’re not going to be a unified, singular community, but there’s definitely room for a lot of communication and cooperation between the various groups! Liz exists as one of the major players in bridging the gaps between these groups

-I wanted to make a character that both Light and Violet would want to protect, and who actually might need protection. At the same time, I wanted this character to shine with their own unique perspective and thoughts, and to occasionally give the story a lighter tinge than the usual fair. Thinking about which Unova Pokémon could do this well, I settled immediately on another favorite of mine, and there we go!

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Having a canon universe is very important to me because I tend to tie my characters very closely to my worldbuilding– separating them from that tends to rob them of their identity. Ari, for example, wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if he didn’t have the views he has on taking souls– which he wouldn’t have developed if he hadn’t lived in Celestial Tower for the entirety of his (ghost) life. What I’m saying is that the setting they’re in is a big part of what makes my characters interesting, so detaching them from that setting risks detaching the characters themselves

#Dia talks #Excited about fanfiction in 2017? It's more likely than you'd think

[supere1113]

The Artist In Me - Track 8: Disseminate

All the powerful, intense emotions that I was feeling in Normal were a lot for an 11, almost 12-year-old to handle and process. All that unprocessed emotion and energy can eventually lead to other spiritual and physical problems. Meanwhile, I was entering what some would call a more ‘adult’ school of thought, in school and in general, and that’s what Disseminate details.

Ever since I was born, before I could even form words in my mouth, people have always thought of me as being smart, intelligent... whatever you want to call it. I’ve been seen that way by others all my life. I still struggle sometimes (to this DAY!) to understand what it is about me that reflects that exceeding intelligence that people talk about. This is probably weird to hear one talk about themselves in such a manner. What I’m doing is building perspectives. My perspective of myself ultimately is that I’m simply a thing who does... things. I build, I draw, I write, I create. No ego involved. I just do stuff. The prevailing perception of me from the outside world is that I am this great, ridiculously smart, caring, mannerable person who’s going places in life.

The detail of that last paragraph lays the foundation for and is a perfect example of what this song details. (ha ha ha! details) I was in the middle of middle school, and I was beginning to learn more about how the world works. My library of knowledge was growing more rapidly than ever before, and I was soon going to experience a side effect of learning, uh... period, but especially when you’re learning a lot.

I’m kinda hard-wired to find deeper meanings in... everything, honestly. As I learned more about the details of things, in school or via a book or the internet, I would dig deeper and find out deeper meanings and reasons behind various things ( I know this probably sounds vague. It happened with a lot of different things). I’m from Dallas, Texas, we have a lot of experience with severe storms Now, upon learning that tornadoes form at the boundaries of hot and colder air masses, I would visualize it as convection makes air from the two masses rotate and basically chase each other around in the sky. This tube then has the propensity to rotate down on one side and strike the ground to dramatic (and destructive) effect. But I wouldn’t stop there. I would then begin to visualize the beyond countless individual air molecules moving in space as the tornado forms. In short, I was doing what some people would call “splitting hairs” about that and literally everything else (I’m doing it right now!). Dissemination.

In school, this would become a very advantageous trait to have. Middle school begins to conjure the critical thinker in you up out of you. All my my knowledge was just expanding and expanding, like a snowball rolling down a hill. But after awhile, there comes a point where the acquisition of such great knowledge begins to backfire. Dissecting every possible thing you learn and/or think of until your individual thoughts are actually fragments of greater, simple thoughts can lead to paranoia about all sorts of things (learning about World War II for example, and the fact that we as a species have created a way to put a gun to our collective head and shoot ourselves, a virtual suicide button: the global nuclear arsenal, really messed with me).

Also, I found that if I don’t have a strong-enough sense of identity, I would certainly get lost in the malestrom of knowledge in my head (just curious, have you ever felt this way? Let me know on Twitter, insta or YouTube if you have. I feel like I’m the only one). At the time, a LOT of things about me seemed uncertain. My literal favorite human to ever live had died just months ago (Michael Jackson. To say I love that dude is an immense understatement). My sense of normality had been recently shattered by the revelation that I was on the autism spectrum, not completely alien, not completely normal. I had only been introduced to autism as something bad or defective at that point so I had to embrace that to keep my identity intact. I found out that the only way for my grades to fully reflect my intellectual abilities was to leave the only friends and school I had ever known (a private christian school) and start anew at a secular public school, at the dawn of my adolescence... and every other kid’s. All of that, coupled with everything else I’ve disclosed, led to my developing a great deal of anxiety about every possible thing a bright 12 year old kid would worry about.

I have dealt with anxiety for probably 75% of my life (I'm currently 21), I still deal with severe anxiety pretty much weekly (and probably moderate anxiety the rest of the week) as I write this. It was just beginning to become more palpable at this point in my childhood.

*deep sigh* In comparison to all the others, this song is kinda hard to explain (sorry it took so long). It’s very much like discussing yourself while simultaneously being you, yourself. That same thing kinda made it so that every song on TAIM was really hard to write. I finished writing this song probably a week or so before the album came out! (I started it about 3 years earlier) What made it hard was that the song was completely self-referential. It’s like trying to see your eyes (without a mirror). That being said, this is actually my favorite song on the album.

Disseminate borrows from the sounds and styles of a genre called New Jack Swing. Created by Teddy Riley and made popular by artists like Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Bobby Brown, Babyface and Bell Biv DeVoe in the late 1980s into the early 1990s, it has a frenetic, sharp, dynamic and even at times hypnotic sound to it. The loud, crisp, often sampled drums, the deep, wavy bass synthesizers that form the groove, down to the little accents that producers implement to make the song into a universe all its own. In the context of this album, this is kind of a step backwards in the march of modern music history (the last song, Normal, takes cues from early 2000s pop. I kinda skipped over new jack swing in the preceding tracks). I did this because the song needed to have a bite to it. it needed to have this urgent, anxiety-inducing energy that no 2000s pop could match.

Knowledge may become overwhelming at times, but you eventually learn that fundamentally... (are you ready? this is about to be really good advice) it’s never that deep, fam.

But seriously...

You can listen to Disseminate here if you want. This link will take you to wherever you listen to music. YouTube included. ❤