Tumgik
#but. i can barely remember it now............. Its so wild. like. These dont bother me anymore so its wild looking back
skyechild · 6 months
Text
Silence
Tumblr media
𖤐 pairing: Seungcheol x Jeonghan x Reader (M/M/F) 𖤐 genre: a fuck of angst, smut towards the end, then fluff. 𖤐 warnings: bruises, Jeonghan being possessive with Cheol, dont have intercourse if youve had any alcohol at all, alcohol towards the end 𖤐 wc: 8.2k 𖤐trope/au: f2l, non-idol 𖤐 summary: It was only supposed to be an outing with the boys, nothing more. But what happens when you wake up in the bed of the one couple in the group, AND you can remember everything. this is also mostly for Ki bcuz its Jeongcheol <3 𖤐 notes: this was supposed to be small i promise...ITS FINALLY DONE 𖤐 tag list: @cultofdionysusnet / @stravvberrymilksan / @kwanisms
Silence.
It wasnt supposed to end like this. With you waking up in Jeonghan and Seungcheol's beds not in your clothes from the night before. It was supposed to end with you under their covers between them while they slept. It was only supposed to be a small outing with the group. You were only going for a few drinks, let the stress from every day jobs go away for the long weekend it....not end up in the bed of the only couple in the group.
Silence
The silence made you nervous, anxiety spiking. The sound sound that could hear was silence. Your mind had stopped and restarted. There was no fan or anything, you could barely register the deep breaths of the two boys beside you sleeping. You knew Seungcheol was a deep sleeper. But Jeonghan was a wild card. He never slept in a certain way, not deep nor light. Oh my god what if Joshua was looking for you?
The silence is so loud.
You (somehow) managed to slide out of bed without waking either, grabbing the dress you wore last night and putting it on after stripping off the shirt. You looked around for you phone, a pang in your chest when you watched Jeonghan roll into Seungcheols arms. You grabbed your phone off the table. You looked at your wrists. Bruised.
Silence
You opened the door, cringing at the slight creak before you slipped out, noticing the two didnt wake. Now to get out of their apartment. God this was a mistake. Youre never going to be able to face them again, you wont be able to face the rest of the boys knowing that you fucked the oldest two. You ruffled your hair aggressively. You fucked up big.
You wanted to scream, yell and run out into the streets. Sleeping out of apartment after slipping on your heels, giving it one last look. Looking at the clock you sighed when you noticed it was 5am. Good, it was early enough that you didnt need to worry about the walk of shame. You made the quick walk back to your apartment, opening the door to Joshua sitting on your couch. He looked you up and down before he sighed. "They marked you up good."
That was all it took before you choked out a sob. You knew Jeonghan hated sharing, the bruises on your wrists from when he refused to let you touch Seungcheol still hurt. Every time you moved your wrist there was a dull pain that shot through your arms. The hickeys werent pretty. They werent there from possessiveness. No, Jeonghan bit you out of jealousy. Sure the other was tipsy, he was never that angry with you. The tone of his voice scared you. Why did he entertain you then? Why did he bring you pain instead of kicking you out?
You fell into Joshuas arms. "He bit me Shua." You hiccupped, hugging him as tight as you could, ignoring the pain. "Not like a dog. He was jealous." You pulled back from the other and smiled slightly. Joshua has seen you naked so it didnt bother you when you let your dress fall. The bruises on your hips were from Seungcheol, given from lust, some of the hickeys were from the eldest as well. "Jeonghan...im never going to be able to look at him again."
You phone buzzed and Joshua took it out of your hand as you put the dress back on. "Go change into one of my shirts." You rubbed your eyes and sniffled. "Ok." He looked at you again. "Take a shower too." You smiled slightly, a huff leaving you of weak laughter. You nodded and headed to the bathroom.
Joshua took your phone and unlocked it. The passcode was his birthday and his was yours. The best of friends you were. Looking at the notif as he watched more came in. All from the two you were just with. Seungcheol was confused as to where you went, he had looked everywhere and couldnt find you. Multiple texts from Seungcheol, texts from Jeonghan were after. First they sounded like forced apologies then they seemed genuine then they seemed urgent, snaps and texts kept coming in, each more rushed and panicked then the last. Then the calls started.
He sighed, letting each one go to voicemail. Turning your phone off he forced a smile once you came back from the shower. "Go sleep now. Im going to keep your phone for now." You nodded as you turned back around. "Can i sleep next to you?" He nodded before you both walked to his room, him following once he locked the door.
How was he to tell you everything that was going on? They wouldnt probably start with him next considering you lived together. You and Joshua may have been best friends since diapers despite being a year apart but he knew you well enough to think you probably panicked. Once you laid down he got a full view of all the marks on your body. "Im going to grab some bruise cream ok? Ill be back." You nodded, sitting up and waiting.
He wasnt gone long, grabbing the cream from his bathroom as he came back. "Where did they all mark?" You held out your wrists, tilted your neck and then motioned under your shirt. "Seungcheol's werent out of anger." You murmured and he smiled. "I know. I hate to say it, but you should probably let him explain." You shook your head. "Not yet." You whispered and he nodded, understanding.
Once finished covering your bruises you both laid down, you scooting into his arms. He smiled softly as he hugged you close, stroking your hair until you drifted off. Hopefully the two had stopped. Reaching for the phone he placed on the table he turned it back on, all the old notifs coming in. He thanked you and himself that it was on vibrate. He sighed, looking at all the texts and snaps that the two had sent you. The voice mails also seemed to get from confused to worried then to concern and panic. That last text was 5 minutes before he had turned the phone back on.
'We are coming over.'
"Like hell you are." He mumbles, happy that he did all the locks. The only had the main key to get in. To break in you would need a Halligan tool, be strong enough to kick it down or be able to pick locks. Which he knew the others had none of the above. He placed your phone down just as the knocks on the door started. He rolled his eyes, when you stirred he started humming, hoping it would help enough.
It didnt.
You woke with a start once the knocks got louder and more aggressive. "Its just Seungcheol and Jeonghan." You tensed and he shook his head. "All the locks are done, they cant get in." He had installed the locks after there was a break in while you were home alone. He strokes your hair again before sighing. "Ill tell them to go away and youll text them when youre ready." He soothes and you hesitate to release him, not wanting to let go of the one thing keeping you somewhat tethered to reality and not up in the sky with anxiety.
You let him go, biting your lip as he disappears into the living room. He unlocks the door and blocks the door before either of them can try and shove themselves in. He raises a brow, crossing his arms. "Can i help you?" Joshua doesnt get angry easily, so when he does theres a fear thats in everyones body. He only get angry when it comes to your safety and health. He tolerates a lot but this is the angriest Jeonghan has ever seen him.
"Can we talk to Y/n?" Joshua chuckled at the question, the image of your bruises coming to his mind. "No you cannot." He smiled brightly, though the disbelief was in his eyes. "The bruises on her that i put cream on from you? I know your possessive but. Jesus fucking christ Han." Joshua rolled his eyes as Jeonghan's eyes widened before he shifted his eyes to Seungcheol. "She mentioned that yours were ok."
His eyes went back to Jeonghan. "Should put a fucking muzzle on you like a dog. You bite..." He paused. "..and not in a good way." By now you have made your way to the hallway, peeking around the corner to see whats going on. Joshua huffed as there was no answer. "I ask nicely. Please leave. She will talk to you when she wants to." Seungcheols eyes flick over his shoulders, locking eyes with you and they comically grow wider. His mouth opens to speak but you go back to hiding. His mouth shuts, a slight pout on his lips. Hes going to take it that means you dont want him to call out to you.
He furrowed his brows before his eyes went back to Joshua. He wants to ask why he cant talk to you when the Jeonghan is the problem. But he purses his lips., he sort of understands though, Jeonghan is possessive- wait...
"Wait..." Seungcheol speaks up for the first time. "What do you bruises. I only left some on her hips?" Joshua turns his gaze to the oldest of the three. "Our dear Hannie here-" He says the nickname almost mockingly. "-left aggressive bruises on her wrists and other places." He states. "But if you dont mind, its currently six-thirty am and id like to sleep so if you wouldnt mind leaving...thatd be great. Thanks, bye." Joshua takes the moment they are both dumbfounded to slam the door and lock it. All of the locks.
He walks back and hugs you tightly. "Dont show Hao. He is worse then me when angry." He smiles teasingly. At the mention of your brother you shake your head rapidly. "I wont. You cant either." He nods, waddling you both back to his room to sleep again, not bothering to listen for their footsteps leaving.
Youve both been mistaken for dating, multiple times. You tried once, but it felt too weird. But the pack you both had made remains. You waddle back with him, walking backwards while he led. "Still sleepy?" You nodded, resting your head on his chest. "How are you always so warm?" He chuckles, kissing the top of your head before turning a bit so you both land on your sides when you make it to the bed. The sheets werent made from when you snuck out but he manages to get them up and over you both. "Sleep well Y/n." He whispers.
---
Its only a day or two later that you decided to message them back. You read all the texts, watched the snaps and listened to all the voicemails. You arent sure youll ever forgive Jeonghan. It hurt, and everyone was buzzed but that still didnt excuse what he did. You remember everything and from what Seungcheol admitted, he didnt know of the bruises Jeonghan left.
Joshua had told you that you couldnt go to the doctor because they would get suspicious. Bruises that dark and everyone would set off the doctors who would tell the authorities. That was not an option. You sighed, resting your arms crossed on the table and let your head fall on them. Your sleeves covered the slowly fading bruises and managed to cover up the hickeys on your neck with make up, luckily you brother hadnt noticed. You had to convince Joshua to let you go alone, but he told you hed be down the street should something happen. You had smiled and nodded.
You tense, colour draining from your face as you heard the seats in front of you move. You didnt want to look up, you could tell who it was when they cleared their throat. You clenched your face. "Y/n? Can you look at u-me?" Seungcheol caught himself. He knew you probably didnt want to see the blonde right now, he was right.
Shaking your head you kept your forehead against the table, jerking your hands back when you felt your sleeves being moved. You heard a sharp inhale, most likely Seungcheol's. He passed out right after he had cum. Jeonghan had smacked away your hands when you reached over to remove the condom. The hushed whispering wasnt hushed, Seungcheol was never good at it.
"Jeonghan what the fuck." He hissed you you peeked up from your cover of your arms. "I dont know how to answer." He whispered back. Jeonghan was better at whispering, but you felt like he was being louder for your sake. "Theres really nothing i can say and it not sound like an excuse." He mumbled and you lifted your head and sat up straight, putting your hands in your lap as you looked out the window.
You bit your lip, trying to gather the courage. Jeonghan spoke before you could. "Y/n. Im really sorry. Its not that i didnt want you touching Cheol, yes you squirming under him was cute, but...I dont know how to explain it. "I know im possessive and i went too far." He took a deep breath. "I just didnt know if i wanted you to touch me first or him." You frowned at the words. "So you let bruises on me and bit me because...you didnt want me touching him before you? Jeonghan that is the biggest fucking excuse ive ever heard. Youre not a fucking dog Jeonghan. You dont just bite people you dont like. Why did you even entertain the thought of us sleeping together if you were going to act like that?" He looked down, not meeting your eyes.
"Because i want you! Ive wanted you for years! I wanted you since Shua introduced us." He confessed. Even Seungcheol seemed surprised at the confession. It was silent for a while. Again.
The silence was so loud.
You choked out a forced laugh. "Dont lie." You locked with him. "Im not. I know Cheol feels the same way...We dont really...sleep with other people. Example being..." He motioned to you and your hands fell onto your wrists. "I hate you." You spoke and Jeonghan felt his heart crack. "At least I want to hate you." You continued, Jeonghan's head shooting up. "Dont look so hopeful Han." You confessed, watching his shoulders slump.
"Im gonna give you a chance. But i...i dont think i can bare you touching me..." You murmur, biting your lip. "You hurt me Han..." You whispered. "I've never seen you like that, and you scared me. I have never been scared of you, but that...that was someone else i felt i didnt know. You were some stranger that looked like my Hannie." You whispered before you gaze went to Seungcheol.
"Hi Cheol..." He smiled, nodding at you as he scanned you. "Can i see...can i see your wrists?" He whispered and you wanted to say no, you wanted to so badly. Seungcheol was your weak spot. His wide eyes and pretty lips. Your heart skipped a beat whenever he smiled and you saw his dimples. You hesitated, raising one hand for Seungcheol.
He held out his hand, waiting till you put you hand in his. "Can i say something funny?" You nodded. His jokes or things he thought we funny either ruined the mood or made you cry from laughing. "I felt like ii shouldve said 'paw' just now." You cracked a smile, a soft giggle leaving you as Seungcheol held your hand carefully. When you looked up at him after staring at your hand in his, his dimples made you smiled wider. You loved his dimples so much.
He moved the sleeve to see your wrist and he was quiet for a moment before he leaned forward, pulling your hand a bit closer as he kissed the bruise. "Im so sorry for that Y/n." He whispered. His heart had dropped when he saw the bruise. You pulled your hand back, eyes flickering to Jeonghan whos mouth had open in shock. "..i really did that?"
He wanted to reach out and copy his boyfriend. Reach out and hold you hand so gently and place a kiss on the skin like Seungcheol did. But he wasnt going to touch you. Not only did you not want him to touch you, but he was scared to touch you again. He thinks it will take a while for both of you to be ok touch each other.
You nodded, glancing at him. He hated to look in your eyes. It wasnt fear, it was something like caution and hesitance. You looked away from him quickly, looking back at Seungcheol who still had his lips on your wrist. Removing them he sighed. "Im sorry i didnt notice." He whispered. You should your head. "It isnt your fault Cheol." You whispered before you took your hand back. "It was all our faults. We shouldnt have had sex at all." You said bluntly.
"We all had some alcohol. I guess i should be happy im not pregnant." You let out a small laugh. "I think id rather had these..." You motioned to your wrists. "...then be pregnant. Sorry Cheol, i know you have a breeding kink." You watched his jaw drop and you laughed, a smile appearing on Jeonghan's lips. Both had forgotten how much of a menace you were. An ugly snort left Jeonghan as he thought about it again.
You brought your hands back to your lap. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me." You murmured and Jeonghan smiled slightly. "Thank you for letting me explain." You nodded, smiling a bit. "I'll text you guys later?" They nodded and watched as you got up, texting someone before throwing them a smile. "Do you need a ride?" You shook your head. "Shua is just down the road." They nodded and got up to leave as well, walking you out and waiting til Joshua got there and you got in. Both boys got a slightly dirty look from him.
They guess they will have to kiss Joshua's ass to get his forgiveness.
--- Three months after
You and Jeonghan were working on skinship slowly. You were no long flinching when he reached for you. It was a small twitch now. Jeonghan didnt look so shattered when you moved away from him. Seungcheol was the only one you didnt move away from. Jeonghan had become less possessive, he didnt blow a fuse every time someone touched Seungcheol. He was happy to give you space, happy to watch you hug Seungcheol, it made Seungcheol happy so it made Jeonghan happy.
A few days later is when you finally approached Jeonghan, arms tight by your sides as you cleared your throats. “Hannie?” You whispered, watching as he spun around to face you, surprise evident on his face. “Can i hug you?” A smile spreads on his face as he nods, opening his arms, smiling when you came in for a hug. “Hi angel.” He whispered against your neck, a soft smile on his lips, hands stroking your hair and back.
“Thank you.” He heard you mumble into his chest and he tightened the hug. “No thank you." He pulled back a bit, pressing his lips against the side of your head. "We should go on a date." He murmured against your hair and you were quiet for a moment and it made Jeonghan almost retract his words. "A date?" He barely heard you mumble and he nodded, smiling down at you.
The bruises have faded by now but recently since you started letting Jeonghan give you skinship he would leave kisses on both wrists. He never mentioned it but you knew he was apologizing in his own way. You had smiled whenever he had placed kisses on your wrists. A constant silent 'im so sorry' in his own words. He didnt know how to apologize for it in words so he went into actions. Whenever you held his hand he would stroke the skin, almost unconsciously now.
"Yeah, go get ready peach." He smiled as he pulled away, patting your butt as you disappeared into the bedroom to change only to peek back out. "Fancy or casual?" Jeonghan glanced over his shoulder. "Casual." He smiled at you as you disappeared back into the room to change, returning to finishing the dishes. You stole one of Seungcheol's hoodies. They were always big on you, the hem reaching mid thigh and the sleeves covering your hands. You decided on jeans under it followed by the shoes Joshua bought you.
Peeking back our you watched as the blonde put away the dishes. You walked up to the island behind him and leaned against it, watching him. Jeonghan was pretty, very pretty. You sighed quietly, not wanting to alert him to your presence yet. You wanted to admire him for a second, he got better on not being possessive, even if Joshua hadnt forgiven him still. He smiled lightly as he put the last dish away, turning around and gasping once he saw you. "Hi peach, you surprised me." He walked around the table and poked your cheek lightly.
You slipped into his arms. Seungcheol was out that day so you had some much needed alone time with the blonde. You couldnt run away and hide next to Seungcheol like you use to. You smiled softly at him, chin resting on his sternum. Skinship has been easier with him the last few days, it always use to be. He smiled widely, at the touch. "You look ready to go. Give me a second to get ready then we can go."
There was a small piece of you that didnt want to let go of him. He was always warm, almost like a human heater. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist and shifting his boy to pick you up, hands moving down to the back of your thighs. "If you dont let me go baby i cant change." You shook your head, legs wrapping around his waist and hiding your face in his neck. You missed being this close to him.
You heard his chuckle against your hair as he walked towards the couch, sitting down and sighed, leaning back. Jeonghan might not be the strongest but it seems like hes been working out. His hands came up to rub your back. "I thought you wanted to go on a date?" You nodded. "I do...i just missed hugging you like this." You heard the shaky breath he let out as he held you closer. "I missed you so much..." He confessed, biting his lip. "But i gotta change if you want to go on that date."
You pouted before you released him, cheeks pink as you moved to sit next to him. "Can you change quickly?" He chuckled, nodding as he got up, walking quickly towards their shared room to change. It was still hard to go in their room, flashbacks of that night always flashing at the forefront of you mind. He came back quickly and he reached his hand out. "Ready?" He whispered. You grabbed his hand before you even stood up, lacing your fingers together.
It was almost easy to go back to the usual touches you guys use to have today. You hope its not a one day thing.
Jeonghan takes you to a cafe around the corner after locking the door, hands never separating. His thumb is stroking the back of your hand, seems like its unconsciously. Once your both sitting down hes already ordered both of your favorites. His head is resting on his hand, eyes watching you fondly as you stare at the table, unable to meet his eyes.
"Youre adorable." He stated, smiling at you once you glanced up at him, cheeks still red. "Huh?" You were dumbfounded, confused. "I said, youre adorable." He grinned, one corner of his lips higher then the other.
He was smirking.
It made your jaw drop. "Uh...thank you?" He nodded, grinning softly. It was an actual smile, softer then usual. You bit your lip, returning the smile. "You...youre pretty." He grinned wider. "Thank you sunshine." You smiled a bit. His nicknames were so cute, you had to admit that.
----
The date ended nicely, him teasing as usual. Once you had gotten inside, Seungcheol was sitting on the couch. You had yet to go on a date with both of them. "Where have you guys been? You grinned, skipping over to him, releasing Jeonghan's hand. "We went on a date!" His eyes towards Jeonghan before he smiled, standing up, tugging you into his arms, kissing your forehead. "Did you have fun?" You nodded and he hugged you tightly. "Thats good."
Jeonghan slipped behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, landing on Seungcheols hips. He grinned against your neck, pressing a few kisses on the skin. "Im kind of tired now though." You mumbled, stroking the blondes hair. "How about we make a pillow fort, get some snacks and watch a movie?" Seungcheol spoke quietly, stroking the skin of your hip where your shirt had risen.
"That sounds fun!" You turned back around. "Make it pretty Cheol!" You teased, hugging Jeonghan tightly, eyes sparkling. "Hey thats rude!" You heard Seungcheol whine. Jeonghan loved teasing anyone, Seungcheol happened to be one of his favorite targets. Seungcheol snaked his arms around your waist before tugging you backwards into his chest before he dug his fingers into your side, a loud shriek leaving your lips followed by giggles as Seungcheol started the assault of tickles.
It was almost hard to keep you from wiggling out of his arms and reaching out for the blonde. "Hannie help!" He grinned, taking a step forward. The mischief in his eyes automatically made you regret asking for help. "I gotta help." He cooed and you made you wiggles more aggressively, trying to get away before Jeonghan could get his fingers on you. "Wait please, please i give! Merci meri!" You felt Seungcheol stop but Jeonghan didnt stop moving, causing you to drop from your spot against Seungcheol's spot in order to escape the heathen trying to get a hold of you.
You made a run for it. Running down the hall and hearing Jeonghan's footsteps right behind you, a yelp leaving your mouth when you glanced back. He was closer then you thought. Skidding around the corner you stumbled up the stairs and aiming for the bathroom at the hall. Only you barely made it up the stairs for a weight slammed into your back, arms snaking around your waist. "Gotcha!"
"Wait wait! Hannie please!" You yelped, fighting against the grip the other had on you. It wasnt a tight grip that you couldnt get out of if you actually tried but one that felt more like a playful threat. He didnt tickle you, now the only ticklish thing he had was the whisper of kisses against your neck. That was almost worse then the actual tickles.
Spinning you around he smiled bright at you, dropping a kiss on the side of your head. "Ok i wont. But lets go help Cheol set up." He released you from his arms except for your hand, lacing your fingers together as he walked with you down the stairs. He released your hand to start helping Seungcheol with the fort while you grabbed snacks and pillows, dropping them off by the couch. Seungcheol seemed to have gotten the extra blankets from the closet.
By the time you got back from gathering the snacks they had taking all the chairs and moved the table from the middle of the floor. Giving you three the whole living room space to work with. Placing the snacks on the moved table you came closer. "Any way i can help?" Jeonghan shook his head. "Nothin' right now peach." You hummed in response. "Actually, can you grab the laptop and charger please little one?" Seungcheol spoke as he stood straight up, a dimpled smile on his lips as you made eye contact.
"Theres also some alcohol in the fridge. I know you dont like beer so theres some cider. I also found some like, alcoholic monsters? Theres no caffine but when i tried one it was really good. You can grab some of those if you want." You nodded, disappearing into the kitchen to grab the desired alcohol. Placing some of the alcohol on the counter you grabbed the beer you knew Seungcheol and Jeonghan like.
Returning to drop off the alcohol you smile. The fort looked almost done. Running back up the stairs you grabbed the laptop you both normally used. Usually pillow forts happened when Jeonghan was out and ended with you in Seungcheols lap a complete mess. You bit your lip. You were a bit nervous, if it ended like it usually did, you were scared Jeonghan might get possessive again. But when he had seen you and Seungcheol together he had slowly stopped acting like a prick.
Coming back down you placed both items on the table next to the alcohol and snacks. You werent going to drink too much, you would make sure the others didnt drink too much, especially if the night would end with you one someones cock and the movie playing in the background, forgotten. Last time, Jeonghan seemed like the drunkest out of the three of you, Seungcheol not far behind. Why didnt you stop it?
You shook the thought away. Now wasnt the time to fall back into that moment. It wasnt time to take steps back after coming so far forward. You turned, watching as the two came out of the tent. You narrowed your eyes, suspicious with the way both boys lips seemed a bit more swollen then when you last saw them. "Did you guys kiss in there while i was busy running around and grabbing everything?" You pouted. "Aw, c'mere little one, ill give you a kiss." Jeonghan teased and you huffed, moving over to Seungcheol. "I dont want your wet kisses." You saw him gasp, a hand over his heart like he was offended. "I dont give wet kisses!" You rose a brow, glancing at Seungcheol's lips.
"Oh really?" You pointed at the others lips. "Then why are his so unnecessarily wet?" He rolled his eyes before coming closer and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. "See, not wet. Cheol is the wet kisser." You frowned. "No he isnt?" You cross your arms before Seungcheol wraps his arms around your waist. "Jeonghan uses tongue a lot." He whispered into your ear. "I like to use teeth." His words are breathed onto your ear. "But you know that." He whispers, nipping at your neck. "He doesnt use teeth with me, he uses his tongue. I however." Jeonghan continues. "I will use my teeth with you. I like to bite."
Jeonghan turns back around to finish the fort, leaving you with a dumbfounded face and Seungcheol snickering as he finishes tossing the snacks then blankets and pillows you guys were going to use. Then adding the alcohol, grinning once he came back out. "Ive been told before about how this turns out." He states, tugging you inside with him and placing you beside him. As Seungcheol crawls in he flops down on the opposite side of you, pressing his side against yours, his arm resting over your back, hand resting on Jeonghan's waist as he pulls up netflix.
"What should be watch?" You hum at the question. "Disney? Marvel?" Jeonghan nods. "Disney. We should watch Cinderella." He grins over at the both of you, your nod is agreement, Seungcheols seems more like exhaustion. "We watch this movie everytime." You wave him off. "But you dont watch it with me." You turn to look at him, a pout on your lips, Jeonghan making the same face behind you.
Seungcheol sighs but agrees as Jeonghan finds the movie and presses play. He reaches for a remote you furrow your brows. When he flicks it on you gasp. You didnt notice him grabbing fairy lights. You feel warm inside...and outside. With the way the boys were pressed against your sides. "Pretty right?" You nod, eyes falling on the blonde side, watching his side profile.
-----
You guys managed to finish Cinderella with only a few hitches, hitches meaning a hand often sliding too long on your back or up to your neck. The next movie you didnt make it far. You barely noticed it was some hallmark Halloween movie as Seungcheol's lips on yours distracted you, pulling you towards his chest and man handling you on top of him. "Aww i thought we were going to actually watch this movie."
Jeonghan doesnt even know the movie thats playing, or how it got played. Pulling away from Seungcheol you press a kiss on each dimple before sitting up on his lap, looking at Jeonghan. None of you had actually had any alcohol. 'You dont drink while watching disney movies.' You couldnt agree more.
"Are you complaining because you want a kiss?" His pout turns into a smirk as he shifts, shuffling closer to drop a kiss on Seungcheol's lips then yours, dragging you over onto his lap and under him. "Are you ok with this?" He whispers, eyes searching yours for any hesitation or panic. You take a second, searching his own face. Jeonghan looks worried, needy but wanting to pull the truth from you.
"Just go slow." You whisper, nodding. "Word is bumble." You raise a brow. "Bumble?" Jeonghan nods, hands by your head. "Dont question it. We can do the traffic light system if you want that more." You nod, scanning his face, barely noticing Seungcheol coming closer. "Im ok with this. Just dont touch my wrists or neck." You whisper, hands reaching for the others face, pulling him into a soft kiss. Your cheeks stroked the skin of his cheeks. Soft.
You pull away, letting him kiss your jaw before he sat up, thighs on either side of you pulling your hand to his lips as he pressing kisses up your arm, watching as Seungcheol takes his place to kiss you. You sigh softly into Seungcheols lips. A tap against your hip makes you pull back. "Can i take these off?" You can barely see Jeonghan from behind Seungcheol. "Yeah." You whisper. You can feel when Jeonghan moves, your pants and panties going with. When Seungcheol pulls back your eyes fall on his lap.
Bless boys in sweatpants. Bless whoever made sweatpants a thing.
You reach out for his thigh, gripping it tightly. "Use your words little one." You pout up at Seungcheol, huffing at the cocky grin on his lips. You dig your nails into his thigh, watching as he tenses the muscle, a soft groan leaving your lips at the feel, another leaving at the feeling of Jeonghans hands on your thighs, stroking the soft skin before hes pulling you up and towards Seungcheol. "I want to see how wet you can get his thigh. Ride it."
You blinked a few times but Seungcheol still had a grin on his lips, sitting on his but with his legs out. "C'mon." He coos, patting his thigh. You bite your lip before crawling over to him, sitting on his thigh. A soft whine leaves your lips as he tenses the muscle again. The material of his sweats make the feeling even better. They arent as scratchy as your own but theyre soft.
"If you can soak his sweats ill eat you out." You hear Jeonghan speak, Seungcheol humming as he placed his hands on your hips. "Hes good at giving head baby. Better soak me." He encourages, helping you move your hips along his thigh. Your hands rest on his shoulders, giving you extra stability to grind your hips. The fabric brushing against your clit just right, a soft whine leaving your lips. Soft encouraging words leaving Seungcheols lips. Seungcheol loved giving praise, and receiving. You whimpered into his hair, moving your hips harder.
"Baby likes praise ok Jeonghan? No name calling." You had told Seungcheol more about what you didnt like. You liked degredation, but you didnt want it from Jeonghan, and Seungcheol doesnt like giving it. Jeonghan hummed, his chest suddenly against your back, hands resting above the others, pushing you down and forward. "I know you can do better." You let out a moan at the feeling, hips stuttering. You were close to soaking through Seungcheols pants.
You were growing addicted to the feeling of his sweats brushing against your clit. It made your head dizzy and your body feel fuzzy. Jeonghans breath fanning across your neck made you shutter. "Can i?" You nodded. "Just not touching with your hands." He nodded, a wet kiss being pressed against your throat before there was a brush of his tongue.
When your moans got louder and more often he smirked, jerking you up Seungcheols thigh, leaving your orgasm there. "No!" You whined. "I want you to cum on my tongue. Trust me youll be having more to make up for just that one." It was going to be a long night. Was the lost coherent sentence you thought before you were moved onto your back, thighs spread and blonde hair tickling your innerthighs.
You knew once Jeonghan got his tongue on you it would be over. Your orgasm was ebbing away, a soft pout on your lips at the thought of a missed orgasm. But your mind went blank as soon as you felt his tongue brush against your clit, mouth dropping open. Jeonghan moved his arms, wrapping them around your thighs, palms resting against your stomach as he happily proceeded to eat you out.
His tongue slid through your slit, gathering all of your wetness. "Jeonghan can get messy while eating." Seungcheol spoke, eyes bright as he watched you squirm on his boyfriends tongue. You couldnt see Jeonghans eyes whenever you looked down to watch. You wiggled a bit, to get away or closer you dont know. All you wanted was more.
Your body jerked when his mouth closed around your clit and sucked, eyes rolling back and mouth opening, a broken call of Jeonghans name leaving you. You whined loudly, hand shooting down to grip his hair tightly as he continued. "Fuck...So good." Seungcheol moved, lips pressing against yours to muffle your cries as Jeonghan slipped his tongue inside you the same time Seungcheols hands slipped up your shirt and removed your bra.
His fingers quickly followed his tongue, slipping one inside as he pulled away, eyes dark with lust as he stared up at you. Pressing his thumb against your clit he rubbed it quickly and you pulled away from Seungcheol to grasp, gripping Jeonghans hair with one hand and one in Seungcheols. "Please please..." Please left your lips, wanting Jeonghans mouth back on you.
"Told you he was good, isnt he?" You nod rapidly as the blonde added another finger. "Cum on my tongue." His voice deeper then you heard before, lips spreading into a grin as he spread his fingers, quickly sticking his tongue between his fingers, tongue pressing against warm walls quickly before he moved his head back again, adding another finger and curling them up, searching for your sweet spot.
He knew he found it when your leg kicked out followed by your legs closing around his hand. "There?" You nodded quickly, whimpering and crying as he massaged the spot quickly. "Fuck fuck, Hannie please, can i cum?" He hummed. "Shes begging so prettily Han." Seungcheol pushed your hair back from your face, sweat making it stick. "Ok peach, you can come." He pressed his fingers against the spot hard, rubbing it quickly.
Your orgasm hits you like a train, back arching and legs twitching. "You used your manners, good girl." He soothed, hand stroking your hips. "I think Cheol deserves your attention now, look at him, he looks like hes in pain." He didnt look like he was in any type of pain, you scanned his face, just noticing the tick in his jaw. So it was painful. "Why dont you help him out?" Jeonghan hummed, helping you move. "Can you do that? Ill even reward you with another orgasm." The thought of coming again so soon made your body of seize up.
You nodded before you sat up, helping Seungcheol move his sweats (that were still soaked with your wetness) down his thighs. You loved Seungcheols size. He was a perfect mix of length of girth. He filled you up nicely, hitting that sweet spot everytime he fucked you. You struggled taking him down your throat however. For your mouth, it wasnt a perfect fit. You could barely get half his length into your mouth before his tip hit the back of your throat and his girth made the corner of your lips hurt the smallest bit.
But god if you didnt try every single time. You practiced your gag reflex often, hoping one day youd be able to take him. But by the glance you got at Jeonghan's pants he wasnt much better. "Only if you take off your pants too..." Currently he was the only one that still had his pants on. He nodded, removing his pants and his shirt, Seungcheol following with his shirt.
Licking your lips you watched Jeonghan strip. He was pretty, lean and slim. a deadly trio for your heart. His cock was as pretty as he was. he was a bit slimmer then Seungcheol, but they were the same length. You turned your head back to Seungcheol once his hand landed on your head. Smiling up at him you laid between his legs, taking your time to drag your tongue up the vein on the underside of his cock, seeing the chill go up his spine that you loved. Taking the head his cock between your lips and sucking gently at the tip, not noticing Jeonghan getting closer until your hips were pulled up, hands stroking the backs of your thighs.
Jeonghans hands were soft on your skin, not an unforgiving scratching or an aggressive smack. He smiled as he watched you relax, as much as you could with Seungcheol down your throat. You hummed around the elders cock, fighting back a gag as his hips jolted up at the vibration. "Fuck, you cant do that." He huffed, stroking your hair, pushing it back from your face. Seungcheol smiled as he made eye contact before it dropped as you took more of him, tears forming as you felt him hit the back of your throat.
You arched your back, legs spreading as you felt Jeonghan nudge them apart with one hand, the other pressing against your lower back, humming at the sight. "What a pretty sight." He cooed, smiling. "Cheollie look at this." Said males eyes flicked up from your face, seeing the way your back arched prettily. "Pretty." He trailed off. Youhollowed your cheeks, causing him to groan. "But i think this is prettier. Come see."
Pulling back from your back side he went around, looking down at you, lips tugging into a smirk. Your face was red, eyes teary with drool dribbling down your chin. Messy. You were messy. Jeonghan loved it. His fingers itching to touch. He watched as you pulled off, wiping your lips before sucking on the side of his cock, nipping at his pelvis. "No mar-" Jeonghan stopped himself. It was fine if you did. You werent going to be leaving after. You already had a space in Seungcheol's heart, you had to know Jeonghan had a you size shape in his heart too.
You smiled, a hand gripping his thigh. "You can fuck my face." Both boys stopped, the hand in your hair turning from stroking to gripping, tugging your hair back to lock eyes. "You sure?" You gave Seungcheol a smile. "Yes please." He took a breath before pulling you back towards his cock. "Tap my thigh twice for stop, and once to slow down." He waited for your nod. You had no problem touching Seungcheols thigh in any manner.
You took a deep breath before exhaling. You had been working on your breathing with your mouth full. Not full of cock but you made do with what you could. He let you get settled as Jeonghan moved back around to his spot. Stroking the skin of Seungcheol's thigh you hummed as a go ahead. He starts off carefully, the first gag had him groaning. The feeling of your throat constricting around him made his hips jerk more, speeding up his thrusts.
The hand gripping your hair and the cock assaulting the back of you throat distracted you from Jeonghan. Your attention was quickly taken by him as you felt his cock grind against your clit. Youre not sure when he had put on a condom but you werent about to complain. You didnt want a kid, at least right now. You groaned loudly around Seungcheol as both snapped their hips. You whined softly.
You felt them both stop, letting you get use to the intrusion on the opposite end. The feeling of Jeonghan's hands stroking the skin of your back made you relax more, eyes closing. You fleeting wonder if you could fall asleep like this. Filled from both ends and warm. You hummed, mind hazy. Pushing your hips back was the go ahead they both needed. Seungcheol restarting his thrusts while Jeonghan started his. It was a wonderful feeling. Being so full of both boys.
It wasnt long after that you started getting squirmy and Seungcheol's pace got erratic. "Little one 'm gonna cum..." He released the grip he had on your hair, giving you the chance to pull away, only for you to swallow him down, groaning as his cum filled your mouth, coming around Jeonghan once he rubbed your clit quickly.
Jeonghan let you ride out your high with slow thrusts. "Can you hold on for me? Gonna let me cum too?" You nodded, resting your head on Seungcheol's thigh. Jeonghan started slow, the oversensitivity made your body feel like pins and needles were in it. You whined unconsciously as he sped up, letting him take what he needed as the sound of skin slapping fill the living room as Seungcheol strokedd your hair. Feeling his hips jerk you did your best to help him, clenching around him a few times before you whined as your second orgasm hit you just as Jeonghan's hits him.
He rubbed your sides softly as he slowly pulled out, letting you down as he moved to clean everything up and throw away his condom. "I know you dont want to get up..." He starts and you groan in response, not liking where the conversation was heading. "But you need to wash up. My sheets are expensive." You roll your eyes. Jeonghan was back to himself. "C'mon ill carry you." You looked up at Seungcheol, huffing as he stood up, picking you up and chuckling as you winced.
"Hannie did a number on you didnt he." You knew Jeonghan went hard but you werent sure if was hard enough to hurt. You guess it was. "T-throat." Your voice was shot. A cocky grin grew on his lips. "Aw, did i fuck your voice away?" You huffed, looking towards the bathroom where you assume Jeonghan had disappeared to.
He was in there, adding bubbles and his favorite bath salts. You noted that he was sharing and a soft smile grew on your lips before you were glaring at Seungcheol as he spoke. "Hannie you fucked her pretty well. I think i was better though. Her voice is gone." He smirked and Jeonghan rolled his eyes. You thought was going to be on your side. But this was Jeonghan, he was on his own side or whichever benefited him most. "This time maybe."
Your jaw dropped. Were they going to make this a battle? Whoever made you unable to walk or talk the most wins?" You sigh but let yourself be lowered into the water, looked up at Jeonghan with wide eyes, a pout on your lips. "Do you want me to join you?" You nod and Jeonghan sighs dramatically. "I have to make sure Cheol doesnt burn the kitchen....but its fine, he will probably stay in here." A glance at Seungcheol had him nodding his agreement, sitting on the toilet lid as he watched Jeonghan slip in behind you, hugging you to him.
"Can you grab our baby some water please, carefully make some tea for her too?" Seungcheol pouted. "Why should i leave..." He mumbled as he disappeared for a few moments to grab some water and bringing it back to you. "I dont wanna be away right now." He confessed, coming back to sit next to you both. "Ok?" He asked and you nodded, giving him an ok sign as Jeonghan washed off the sweat from you. "Im going to wash your hair, then we can lay down ok?" You nod, eyes closing.
You could live like this. living in the warmth of the two and their love. Maybe you could learn to love some of Jeonghans possessive tendencies. You, you could definitely live like this. Like a princess.
79 notes · View notes
warmau · 4 years
Text
☆ pride & prejudice!au doyoung others: yeosang
something catches the heel of your boot as you make your way through the freshly wet grasslands of the countryside
there had been a horrible storm last night and you were worried that your dear sibling had been caught up in it after your parents had sent her off on horseback to that rich mans manor
you stop to look up at the now sunny and expansive blue sky
what was his name? 
your sibling had fawned over him all week after first making his acquaintance at the ball you’d been forced into attending
you try to remember, but all that you recall is the name of his perpetually scowling and stone-faced friend
kim doyoung
other guests at the ball had whispered about him, some kind of surviving heir to a handsome estate and a gigantic load of money
he was even wealthier than the young gentleman throwing this ball, and from the amount of frivolous furniture and expensive wine strewn around the place
that was saying something
he had been beside the man your sibling was being obviously courted by the whole night 
and when you’d had enough of the brooding silence
you had introduced yourself - or you had attempted 
with one glance that seemed to take in the entirety of your existence 
he had stated his conclusion
rudely
“plain, everything about you agrees with the status you and your family are currently in.”
your sibling had a hard time swallowing the statement, but they were easily quelled with their new potential partner
you, on the other hand, just smiled in response 
and everything about your pompous attitude makes me happy to report that rich people are just as self righteous and despicable as ive always assumed them to be
you hadn’t said it outloud - you wanted to - but youd just driven your nails into the skin of your palm behind your back
at home that night your sibling had told you to forget about doyoung, and you had assured her you werent about to live by the gospel of a man born with a golden spoon in his mouth
plus - he was nowhere near your type anyway
you were much more interested in selfless men, with some inklings of kindness and manners
plus, you didn’t think he was all the handsome anyway.
(that was partially a lie, for his lean but broad figure and dark eyes were charming - but it didnt matter. his character shined very, very well through)
finally, after an almost two hour walk - you make it to the manor
and you remember the name of the man who owned it
“im here to see sir taeyong.”
the maid takes a look at the boots you have on - mud and leaves stuck to the toes. the hair you’d tried to make presentable before leaving was now slightly curled with a bit of sweat and the hanging dew still in the air
your skin was glowing with it too, the shawl around your shoulders hanging slightly crookedly
“and you are?”
“my sibling is here-”
“ah! of course, come in. ill take you to the drawing room.”
you’re not surprised at the size of the halls and the ceilings that arch up, you feel like you’re in a church rather than a home
but you presume rich people must enjoy the ,,,,,,,,,, open space
when the maid announces your presence you step inside and into a room of three pairs of eyes
one is taeyong
the other is a women, who might assume is the sister of taeyong or the last person in the room
doyoung
“sorry to disturb-”
“heavens, what is on your feet?”
the women points out
you look down and think - isn’t it obvious? it’s just mud
“did you walk here?”
another voice, deeper, asks
you look up and see doyoung’s gaze fixed on you, a quill in one of his hands
“ah yes. my sibling took our horse here, but i generally do enjoy the exercise.”
taeyong is the only one in the room that gives a little laugh, the other two occupants eye you over again
“by the way, where is my sibling?”
taeyong hurries over and with a sympathetic look explains that they’ve caught a cold and are staying in one of the rooms upstairs
you vaguely remember how persistent your mother was about not allowing your sibling to take the carriage - even when the greying clouds had been peeking through 
it was probably the plan all along, im sure sir taeyong has enjoyed taking care of them immensely
“ill take you!”
taeyong begins, but suddenly doyoung is at his side and as taeyongs hand reaches to hand you the key to the room - doyoungs interrupts and your hand brushes his instead
a small sound emits from you as you step back
but doyoung quickly turns away and calls for a maid to do it instead
you follow the maid up to the room
hands cradled in one and other as you push away the instances thats just happened into the corners of your mind
you unlock the door to the spacious room where your sibling is almost drowning in the extravagant velvet blankets in a lacquered black wooden bed
you can see that they’re paling and shivering and you think its ridiculous what people do to have the attention of someone they love
although, you’re pretty sure your sibling is innocent in the case of this situation
you talk for a bit and before you get up to go, their hand touches your wrist lightly
“i didnt know if it would be important to mention but sir doyoung asked about you.”
the surprise perks you up a bit
“what did he ask?”
“he asked if id relay an apology to you,,,,,,about his comment at the ball.”
as quickly as you’d been interested, you let out the tension in your shoulders
“ill tell him you did, but honestly im just more irritated he’s brought it up again.”
your sibling’s smile is weak and you leave them to rest
you intend to start the long walk back after you’ve excused yourself
but as you say your farewell in the drawing room, the sound of a chair pushing back breaks through your words
doyoung stands and the weight that has hung in the room since your arrival shifts
“ill see you out.”
you’re not sure if that’s a suggestion for which you should give an answer (your answer would be no) but he’s already making his brisk way toward the hall
you follow and are a little bit peeved that he doesn’t stop at the doors
you’re side by side now, and a well halfway through the sprawling path that leads off the property 
the lack of explanation irks you - am i so unworthy of even a word?
you stop and he seems only to notice a few paces later as he turns around
there’s a good five or so feet between you - and from now on you think you’d like to keep it that way
“im sorry if this is crass, but i must ask - do you intend to make the treacherous walk back with me?”
“i-”
the high collar of his perfectly pressed shirt seems to stiffen around his neck
you can’t help yourself and jab for further measure:
“as you’ve noted about me before, the place where i come from is indicative of my class and so i dont think you’d like it much sir.”
his eyes - usually dull and cast to the side are suddenly transfixed on your own
“ive already inquired that your sibling pass on my sincerest apology for th-”
“oh don’t bother.”
you uncross your hands and the shawl falls a bit from your shoulder 
it exposes just a bit of the curve of your neck from the swoop of the line of what you’re wearing and you don’t notice it in the split second of the motion
but the nape of doyoungs neck seems to sweat at the slightest baring of skin
“you don’t have to pretend to want to be in my company simply because your friend is entranced with someone from my family. although it may spite you that he has fallen for someone poor-”
“i never intended to insult you or your family. i apologize, but i don’t think i can keep repeating it until you’re satisfied if that’s what you are asking of me.”
your hands reach your hips now and you lean forward, the strands of your hair are still a little wild since you had no time to brush them back
and the stance makes doyoung take a careful step back 
although he’s dealt with many prying persons in his life, and he’s been accustomed to earning the immediate dislike of them 
something about you right now is less so an annoyance as it is - rather engrossing 
he thinks if you come any closer the heat that’s its way up his jaw might tickle its way onto the rest of his face
“im not asking you to do anything for my pleasure, sir doyoung. i would never ask someone so untouchable to perform any kind of favor - especially not you.”
“not me?”
he snaps from the momentary daze of fascination
you straighten up and march forward, passing him and nearly brushing your shoulder against his
the steps are quick and you are deliberately making them loud to aid your message 
but for some unknown reason they play out like a slow scene in doyoung’s mind
the smell of the dew and honey float by him in the ends of your trail and he swallows a lump that rarely ever grows in his throat
you turn back when you are once again at a good distance
“yes you, ive met enough new people in my life to know that some are just not meant to be my companions, much less even a neighbor to greet occasionally when we cross paths.”
your look is fiery, but not dotted with the usual sparks of momentary greed driven anger doyoung is so used to
instead the flames are yours, and although your expression reads as if you would like nothing more then to take a hold of his throat and wring him out
doyoung is in awe of the beauty that radiates from all around you - like a glowing halo of the setting sunlight
“and i believe you would agree as well - that you and i should keep our interactions to a minimum, and at best, we should never meet again at all!”
with that you start your march again - but his voice only reaches out to you after a minute of a pause
“i was going to offer that you take my carriage hom-”
“no thank you!”
you wave your hand and doyoung stands as he watches you disappear into the countryside
the rapid beating of his heart and sweat on his palms is new 
its different
he’s never reacted like this to someone before
he doesnt realize he’s standing there thinking about the shadow of your back until taeyong runs out to ask him what happened
doyoung doesn’t know how to answer that
what did happen? you had chided him, but he would have done nothing more than to keep hearing such sweet, rude words come from your mouth again.
you keep walking - the fuming anger dying down a bit with each step as you think about the look on doyoung’s face
he hadn’t responded with as many quips as you’d expected, or even turned away to ignore you completely
you know you should forget, but as you near home you bring your hands together and the only thing left on your mind now
is how it had felt when your skin had brushed his 
ugh - what i wouldn’t do to keep telling him off! although now im sure he’ll never want anything to do with me again.
oh, but how wrong you are. 
400 notes · View notes
littlx-songbxrd · 3 years
Note
okok here it is, i don't have a working title yet lol and i wrote the first like three paragraphs a year ago and only now finished it
but uh here it is ig (it's long so below the cut)
oh and i named the characters before i read chog believe it or not so there is no correlation lol
Prologue - Cordelia
May brings with it the memory of battles fought and won and the ever looming presence of a war not quite lost but certainly nowhere near done. As I hand out threadbare blankets around the flickering fires of the temporary war camp, I have to force my mind not to stray to all the people who should be here but are not. Well, the one person, really. I don’t allow myself to dwell, for I know that if I let my heart open to loss, there will be no hope at closing the hole left behind. No one here will tolerate that.
Yet no one criticizes Halen when she fumbles and breaks her fragile composure, storming out of the planning tent, the memories glistening in her eyes threatening to spill over. No, when it’s her, they rush to comfort her, to appease her, and they tell her to take all the time she needs. After all, has the poor girl not been through enough? they whisper pityingly as though we all haven’t lost others to this fight. But, of course, it’s not my place to comment on the actions of the mighty Chosen One. Even if she is my friend.
I look down to find my hands are empty. Tir has taken the last blanket from me without my noticing, and he’s settling down against his pack with his bare feet at the fire. I scowl; he isn’t allowed to speak against Halen either, despite being her older brother.
Heaving a sign, I slump down next to my friend and pull a corner of the blanket over myself. Tir shifts slightly so I can lean against his shoulder. We don’t speak. There are no words big enough to dispel the cloud of grief that hangs over us.
I know Tir is thinking of Zo today, just like he knows I’m thinking of Cherry.
Both of us, I’m sure, are also thinking that Halen ought to be here. She ought to be spilling those tears she always threatens and apologizing meaninglessly for deaths that aren’t her fault. Since when did she choose to be distant and calm? Couldn’t she at least have the decency to break down with the rest of us?
I scowl at a gecko as it skitters through the dirt toward the treeline to the west. I should say something to Halen. I should scream at her, sob at her, cry out until she understands that we need her as a friend, not just a commander.
My mind made up, I stand quickly, earning a confused stare from Tir. “Where are you off to?” he asks, his voice thick.
I shake my head. “Somewhere that isn’t here.”
He chuckles and reaches up to squeeze my hand. It’s enough. He was never one for many words.
I smile sadly down at him and set off to the eastern shore, where the purple and gold tents of the Eneris royal tents have been set up. Their fire and sun emblem shines bright on the tent flaps behind guards dressed in layers upon layers of robes and wraps and blankets. I scoff. The army settled just twenty yards away is shivering under thin blankets and dying fires while the royals and their company dine on mutton and venison. Not that I’ve come to expect anything else from them. They recruited Halen and built this army from the ground up—of course they believe themselves worthy of a few more precious coins exchanged for better conditions.
Even today, the first anniversary of Monvira’s troops storming villages and uprooting lives, they haven’t so much as acknowledged the flood of pain that’s sweeping through their army. I wonder if they even know what May first means to their people.
I stop mid-stride, staring straight ahead at the Strategy tent, where I know Halen spends most of her time these days.
It hits me: May first. The sky is clouded and the birds are silent, but it’s May first and no one bothered telling me that I forgot my birthday. Which was April thirtieth. No one noticed.
Weariness pushes at the back of my eyes, and I blink heavily against the tears blurring my vision. Memories from last year flood my mind as I turn and hurry towards Halen’s private tent. It bares the same colors and seal as the others.
I collapse on her bedroll and let out a single sob.
Last year, on the night of my birthday, Cherry had wrapped a blanket around us both as we stumbled back to our village after a whole day spent together at Renton Lake. She’d kissed my hand and twirled me toward the hut I shared with Halen, giggling in the moonlight, her dark unbound hair spilling over her shoulder like a waterfall of night. The memory rips through me, forcing another sob out of my quaking body.
The next morning, she’d been gone.
I’m not sure how long I lay there, my tears collecting in a pool around my head, but eventually the shaking subsides and leaves behind a solemn heaviness. Only when I hear the tent flap ruffle do I stir. There’s a small gasp, then: “Delia?”
Halen’s nickname for me only makes the smallest dent in my sorrow. I push myself to a sitting position, sure that my face is red and splotchy and my hair wild and tangled. All in all, I don’t blame her for looking taken aback. “Delia, what is it?” she gushes, crouching before me and taking my face in her hands. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”
This is exactly what I wanted when I stormed in here. Now, I nearly laugh. It’s pathetic, really, all this time I’ve spent cleaning up after Halen, chasing her, thinking maybe she could do something that would fill the cavity growing inside me. I see it now, as her hazel eyes rake my face. “Nothing,” I tell her. Her thumbs are soft as they wipe away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. “Not anymore.” My voice is scratchy, and I push down against a wave of shame. I’m better than this. I’m better than breaking down in my friend’s plush tent. I’ve never been the emotional one—that was always Halen.
I wipe away my tears, feel myself stand and walk out of the tent, my mind still occupied with hazy revelations I’m too exhausted to fully pursue. There’s a feeling in my gut, the only one that matters right now, and it’s an overwhelming cry to get out.
The grass is silent under my feet as I walk, and I’m distantly aware of Halen calling after me. Her cries of “Wait!” and “What’s going on, Cordelia?” follow me, even after she stops.
I keep walking.
I don’t look back.
---
so uh yeah that's it 👉👈 i can give u the idea of the book if u want or you can just take this offering and run lol <33
Im gonna give you my unfiltered thoughts with no order or organization
REMEMBER ME WHEN YOURE RICH AND FAMOUS AND A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR
OMG IM GONNA GET TO BRAG I SAW THE PROLOGUE TO AN AWARD WINNING BOOK IN THE FUTURE HOLY SHIT
I DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS AND IM BILINGUAL
RENDERED ME SPEECHLESS IN TWO LANGUAGES GO YOU
SHE DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT
LOOK I ADORE THE FEELINGA CORDELIA POTRAYED DURING THE ENTIRE PROLOGUE
LIKE HOW YOU WROTE IT IS JUST
I WANTED HER TO COME BREAKDOWN WITH THE REST OF US?????
NO IM SORRY IM HORRIBLE AT COMPLIMENTING EVERYTHING HERE IS BRILLIANT
1) i have a basis for how the crown is unfair (based on cordelias description) ALSO HOW CORDELIA DESCRIBED "i wasnt even sure if they knew what may 1 meant to their people" IDK BUT I LOVED HOW OT WAS WRITTEN. Its not explicit BUT LEAVES THE MESSAGE SAID
2) basis to whats going on? C H E C K
3) JUST HOW YOU WROTE CORDELIAS GRIEVE AND ESTABLISHED THE CHARACTER
Artie i've told you a million times but I adore your writting style, i always adored it BIT READING YOUR ORIGINAL WORK
I FEEL SO PROUD OF YOU?????
Your style is perfect
I WASNT LOST WHICH IS GOOD!
AND LEAVES ME WANTING FOR MORE
I DIDNT NOTICE BUT MY PHONE HAS LOW BATTERY SO IF I DONT REPLY AFTER THIS ITS THAT BUT TELL ME MORE PLS
10 notes · View notes
necroissants · 3 years
Text
Okey so uhhh yea no one really asked but obviously thats not gonna stop me me!
Since I'm only just getting back into thinking about them and I have literally never done this before I'm going to just throw my thoughts out there like unshapely confetti and be like "go fetch!"
Also keep in mind that I did zero research before this and its all based on what I remember about the books when reading them like idk 7 years ago... I can not stress how little any of this might make sense lol
Ok here we go:
to start of unsuprisingly i think barely any of them are cishet (maybe with exception of Torte, I do not care for Torte)
I always read Melanie as a deeply closeted lesbian (esp bc of the Big Yikes Scene in the 5. Book)
And Trude definitely had a crush on her that she was aware of but stuffed deep deep down and chose to interpret as platonic admiration. Which is also why she always was boderline shitty to her bc she didnt know how to deal with that and tried to keep her at arms length.
Obviously that didnt work bc Trude is a Long Suffering Dramatic Gay who was willing to put up with way to much bullshit to stay close to her (I feel... seen lol)
(At some point when they got older they definitely would have to talk about this and I'd like to think that Meli did lots of deep self-reflection, maybe even went to Therapy, after her gay panic and eventually apologised to Trude)
I do think Meli and Willi actually did love each other but their relationship was based on a deep platonic understanding of each other
Willi understood Melanie better than anyone else and went along with her need to perform heterosexuality in front of their friends (like them making out around them constantly)
Which made it so hard for Meli when Willi actually fell in love with someone. Willi tried to stay friends with her but Melanie felt betrayed and abandoned and wasn't having it
I don't think the two of them actually talked about Meli being gay at the time although Willi kind of Knew but I think when Melanie finally stopped hiding it from herself Willi was the first person she told and they were inseparable again from that point on. The others just kind of assumed that they were back together
I remember even when I was reading the books for the first time at like 13 I was convinced that Wilma had the hugest intensest crush on Sprotte which she channeld into trying to impress all of the Hühner and join the Bande
And who could fault her if Sprotte was just out there in her shabby leopard leggings and wild red hair and over-all intensity and fierce loyalty to her friends who wouldn't have a gay awakening?!
Although that it was that was not immediately obvious to Wilma she definitely went that route of Very Intensely Wanting To Be Close to her and the others by extension
She kind of had to confront all those gay feelings once it became clear that those were not going away even after she joined the gang
Actually I think all of the Hühner, maybe with exception of Trude, had a crush on Sprotte at some point (I mean come on!!)
And Sprotte is definitely the kind of person who just Doesn't think about stuff until she absolutely has to! Although not in a violently outlashing denial way like Meli but in a "there is more important stuff to think about!" kind of way
Like that she has never really cared what gender the people she found interesting were or what gender she is. All of that is unimportant and a waste of time when the Pygmän are definitely planing something and they need to figure out what!!
At some point she would just accept that without much fuss and be like "allright then whatever"
Frida would deal with it in kind of a similar fashion although waaaaay less intense and more calm than Sprotte
She had that moment of "oh okey" much earlier that the others but because she is someone who does a lot of introspection anyway and is in general very calm about most things after carefully thinking them through she just very early on gained a level of comfort with her bisexuality
She did notice the stuff the others were going through because she is observant like that but didnt want to push
the only one she talked directly to about it is Trude after she found her crying bc of something Melanie had said to her and Trude broke down and told her about her very obvious crush on her best friend
After all that is something Frieda can understand even if her feelings for Sprotte are way less intense and dont hurt her like Trude's do
This talk really helps Frida and Trude bond and they share a new level of closeness and understanding afterwards
Fridas feelings for Sprotte kind of fade but maybe dont entirely go away after she falls in love with Mike - and why would they they are not bothering her and Sprotte after all is still her best friend
Sprotte definitely has one of those "huh..." moments after Fred shaves Fridas hair and she is a bit overwhelmed with all the confusing feelings of fondness and attraction and jealousy that she cant properly place and that are all mingled together
Okey this is getting waaaaay to long and im not even remotely close to being done but my headache is gone now and I can finally do some stuff that actually needs doing lol
I know this is probably only relevant or interesting for like two people but please talk to me about it??!
26 notes · View notes
Text
Jon Snow x reader
Pairing: Jon Snow x young reader (platonic)
Summary: reader is a captured wilding and is forced to be Jon's steward. Shes tough and stubborn but one day something happens and her feelings for the crow begin to change.
Warnings: Swearing, violence, attempted assault, mentions of rape. Mentions of blood.
***************************************************
A/n Hello my loves! Just a quick note about this story. Reader is a young teenager, also her relationship with Jon is non romantic. Hes protective of her like a brother. I hope you like it!
***************************************************
"Whats your name girl?" you wanted to roll your eyes but refrained as the new commander of the nights watch, barely a man in your opinion tried to be intimidating in a room full of equally unintimatading men.
As dumb as they looked they still outnumbered you like 100 to 1. So you begrudgingly decided to answer.
"Y/n"
The lord commander, or more commonly known as Jon snow the bastard of winterfell, nodded once, satisfied that he finally gotten a word out of you.
"Well y/n, seeing as your people are gone-"
"Dead you mean" you couldn't help but bite out. "You crows saw to that"
Those damn crows had raided your village and slaughtered everyone save yourself.
"You're lucky we didn't gut you along with the rest of those filthy wildlings" one man spat out stepping forward but was halted by the commander, "Enough!"
"We had no choice, they trespassed and started to cause trouble-"
"Trespassed?! That land has been ours for generations, and just because some rich folk came and decided to put up a wall and cast us out, we're the criminals?!" You felt your anger rise again. "We didnt do anything wrong! We were just trying to survive like everyone else in this stupid godsforsaken world!"
The lord commander sighed with fustration, he tried to have patience, after all she was more or less a child. Well a child with the mouth of a 40 year old sailor.
"I'm sorry y/n, but there are rules, and they broke those rules"
"Rules?" You scoffed, "And who decided on those rules hmm? Certainly not the people who lived here, so tell me Snow, why the hell should any of us listen to rules that were forced on us?! In our eyes you are the enemy. We were just people, trying to not starve and freeze to fucking death and you slaughter us like animals!" You felt the burn behind your eyes as you remembered the screams and smell of blood. But you would die before you cried in front of these heartless butchers.
"I'm sorry that you had to witness it, but you have a choice to make now" he looked into your eyes with seriousness. "You can either be sent back beyond the wall or..." he paused hesitantly, "you can serve as a steward here"
You almost laughed, "Are you drunk Snow?!? Or do you actually think those are fair options?"
"Considering I'm already bending the rules by letting you live, yes I do" he said firmly.
You let out a humorless laugh, "So you think throwing me into the wilderness alone is fair? Or I suppose making me a slave to the nights watch is somehow better?" You glared at the men around you. Half of them fithly pigs who would no doubt use you whenever they got the chance.
"No harm would come to you if you stayed, of this you have my word. And you wouldn't be a slave. You'd be my steward."
But I wouldnt be allowed to leave, so a slave... but it's either that or what's beyond the wall.. I wouldn't last a day alone... after a while of silently debating I looked up into the killer's eyes, and sealed my fate with a nod.
************************************
The first week was hell. All you wanted to do was murder every crow you saw.
If you had poison you would've wasted no time spilling it in the stew you had to carry to commander stupids room every evening.
He acted like he cared, asked about if you had enough to eat and if anyone had been bothering you. But you ignored him. He was just trying to get you to trust him, and then he would turn on you. It was all a sick game, you were sure of it.
Another few weeks passed in a similar manner, he gave up on trying to make conversation which you were ever thankful for.
Not having anyone to talk to was the worst part. Your days were horribly dull. You cleaned, did laundry, prepped meals and repeat. Other than glares no one had messed with you which you were kinda disappointed in to be honest. You would take any excuse to blacken and bruise those ugly mugs of theirs...
Apparently the gods had a sense of humor because the next day you found yourself cornered by two of them.
"You should be on your knees thanking us girl" one of them sneered.
"We coulda left you for dead with those other savages but we didnt. And all you've been is given attitude."
"It ain't right"
"No it ain't" they agreed.
While they yapped you were mentally figuring out how you were gonna fight your way out of this one. Three against one wasnt exactly fair, and it's not like snow let you carry around your weapons. And the fact that you were far away, gathering firewood when they cornered you wasn't ideal.
Ugly man number one tsked when he saw your wandering eyes, "no use screamin girl, no ones gonna hear you"
"What the fuck do you want, the sooner you tell me, the sooner I dont have to look at your ugly faces" you couldn't help but want to anger them.
The bald one shoved your shoulder against the wall, on instinct you swooped your arm over his and brought it down, severing the hold and then you kneed him in the groin...hard.
"You bitch!" He faltered and you took that opportunity to try and get away. Ugly number 2 grabbed the cloth of your shirt and pulled back but you quickly shoved an elbow hard into his face.
While you were distracted, the third man, let's call him horse face, pulled your hair harshly until you were tumbling to the ground with a grunt.
It didnt take long for the other 2 to recover and help horse face pin you down. P
A deep rooted panic spread across your body. "Get the fuck off me!" You tried to hide the fear in your voice as you thrashed.
"Shut up wilding whore!" You heard the sharp smack before you felt the pain blossom against your cheek.
"You got the mouth of a slut, now let's see if you've got the body of one" your eyes widened and you felt a rough hand slide under your tunic.
"S-stop it! I swear I'll kill-" he shut you up with another sharp slap. You could now taste copper in your mouth.
"I swear to God if you say one more word I'll cut out that sharp tongue of yours" he pulled his knife out of its sheath and pressed the cold metal against your cheek. You winced as he pressed in and you knew he had broken skin.
You tried to be strong but you were terrified. These men were going to rape you and you didnt have the strength like you thought you did to stop them.
You closed your eyes praying to whatever gods were out there that this would not happen. But the gods were cruel. They had allowed the crows to wipe out the only people you had to call family. No they weren't yours by blood, but they had taken you in and cared for you. Taught you how to hunt, how to fight, and now this is how your life was going to end.
"That's a good girl" he took your silence as compliance and started to kiss down your neck.
You shivered in disgust and fear, one hand placed firmly on your neck keeping you in place and the other was exploring beneath your shirt.
You didnt want to give up, you wanted to fight. You didnt want to be raped and killed. How would you ever face your family in the after life if you didnt put up a decent fight. Taking a deep breathe , with the risk of losing your tongue looming in your mind, you clenched your fists and let out your last shred of hope,
"GHOOOOOST" you hoped the wolf you had come to befriend could hear through the walls.
"WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU" he clamped a crushing hand over your mouth.
"W-we should g-go, what if that mutt heard?" Horse face looked around nervously.
"Shut up Pud, no way that he can hear all the way in here"
"But-"
"Oh for god sakes, hold her down and be quiet!" He motioned for horse face to clamp my mouth shut instead whilst he began unbuckling his trousers.
"Before I cut that pretty tongue of yours, I'm gonna see how it feels around my c-AHH FUCK" a giant streak of white crossed your vision.
"HELP YOU IDIOTS, DONT JUST STAND THERE, FUCK!" You heard growling and tearing sounds.
The mens hold on you immediately loosened and you took that chance to sit up and see what the hell was going on. And when you saw the familiar white fur and black eyes you almost cried in relief.
Ghost had launched himself at your assailant and was currently biting away at his arm. The other two turned tail quick and made for the door, thinking they could escape, but what they did not expect was a very angry lord commander blocking their way.
"Ghost" he called back his wolf who growled at the men before walking back and standing beside his master.
You couldn't tell whose eyes were more threatening, the wolf, or the bastard wolf..
Before you knew what was happening several crows flooded the room and arrested the bleeding man and his friends.
The commanders attention was now on you. You rolled onto you knees and tried to stand up but found that someone had traded your legs for jelly cakes.
"Y/n" you immediately looked down, not wanting him to see how afraid you were.
You were surprised at how soft the commanders voice was now compared to two seconds ago when he ordered they be taken to the prisons. "Are you alright?" He knelt down in front of you and reached a hand out to your face.
You flinched and he hesitantly pulled back, "Its alright now, your safe, please... let me help you" he said almost pleading.
You don't know what came over you but something was telling you that it was ok to trust him so you nodded.
This time when he reached a hand to lift your face up you didnt pull away.
You met his eyes and found anger and regret in them, "I'm sorry"
You were instantly confused, "For what?" You questioned as he continued to inspect your injuries.
"I said that no harm would come to you, I shouldve kept a closer eye on you" he apologized with a look of deep regret.
You didnt know what to say. Why was he being so nice to you?! It didnt make any sense, weren't the crows supposed to be the bad ones? But he saved you...well ghost did lead them to you so you really should be thanking him but...
You didnt really know how to respond so you just stayed quiet. He moved to help you up, gentle hands supporting you. When it was clear you couldn't stand on your own he asked if you would let him help you to maester aemon.
Reluctantly you nodded and was surprised when he swooped down and gently lifted you up like those dumb princesses you heard about in fairy tales.
You thought he was just gonna help you walk with a slung over arm or something.... if you weren't so exausted you probably would've been way more embarrassed.
Wordlessly he carried you through the halls and into Maester Aemons infirmary. He set you down on the bed with care and said he would be back to check on you later. The maester was already by your side examining your injuries.
You dont know what came over you, but before you knew what was happening your mouth opened and halted the lord commander through the door.
"Thank you snow..." you were glad he was facing the door, you were sure your face was bright red.
But if he had been facing you, you would've seen his smile.
Maybe not all the crows were so bad after all...
********
Ok soo it was kind of short I know, but my idea was for this to be a sort of prologue to a mini series of Jon and the reader. Please let me know if that's something you guys would want! Thanks for reading🥰
102 notes · View notes
voidselfshipp · 3 years
Text
The Sound Of Kindness
You know when you read a fanfic with great idea but the reader insert is always scared and its frustrated.
Well heres the opposite with me and death meeting based off that fic.
Tw:implications of child abuse
Ok to rb
Tumblr media
Ozi has told her Many times,do not bother the dead.
Jerico was a Smart goddess, half human now, but that side of hers couldnt Keep still.
She Walked Into the old manor, the moonlight dripped from the dusty blinds.
Theres something here.
She could feel it,the Mark on her hand shined softly,reminescent of the morning sun.
She kept on waking, the energy was coming from the basement, she was a goddess, one swift move and she Will transform into a big white dragon.
She felt fear before,before she discovered her past life,but her powers gave her bravery,and knowing that the beating of her heart could impulse defeated batallions back to the fight.
Her heartbeat ran like wild horses marching into battle,the anticipation of a misadventure pumped her up, her hands,now claws, softly caressed the handrail as she went down the old stairs.
The door closes, and she jumps.
--Okay....,that was weird--she should have told her aunt at least.
Though ozi wouldnt be fine with it.
Something moved, swiftly.
--I know youre here--she said.
And he knew that.
Death, now in his reaper form hid in the shadows, the ammount of power that poured from that small human, scared Him a little.
He saw her face soften,and her ears perk up,those green eyes met his, and he felt a warm feeling in his empty ribcage.
--Hey there you are--she Walked softly to him, and he wasnt expecting the dragon like wings that came from her back,as she flied right infront of his face.
--....not.....scared??--its all he could muster in that form.
--Ive dealt with scarier things...--she then giggled.
She was tainted with the smell of death too,but not from hers, a fellow reaper...or the goddess of death.
--im jerico--she said.
Thats when his pupils caught the Mark on her right hand.
His long neck spiraled around her back,where he saw her exposed skin,and the bright sun Mark there shining brightly.
--terran.....?--he said again, turning back to meet her face.
-- hir-- she said in clear terran-- homyd geviizalaz-- he tilted his head--Yes,im terran,youre quite observant arent you
--what....are...you?--his raspy voice almost dry,Like its not been used in a while.
--Its a very long story....nor human,nor goddess,nor demigoddess,what I am,not even I know, and if you dont mind me asking, what are you?
--....horseman...
--nice to meet you--jerico said smiling--guess you wouldnt mind me asking your name
The horseman sighed, and looked away, theres no way shed be scared of his name-- d...dea....death
He looked at her, she kept her smile, and nodded, her wings flapped lazily,enough to have her float, she was getting tired.
Death Scooped her around his hands and held her close,she was strangely warm.
Warmer than any human.
Then he felt her heartbeat, it sounded like hymn with no words, but yet he could understand what the song said.
He might have said it was cheesy, but the sudden warmth made him stay quiet, the song seemed personal.
A song of love, loss, grief, and a hymn to pride, discovery, and Curiosity.
His face nuzzled against her chest, where he could hear the hymn better.
--....sing?
--sing what?
The nose of his bone poked her chest.
She seemed puzzled,then it dawned on her-- you can hear it too?
He nodded softly.
--why would you want to hear it?
--know......about...you...
She tilted her head,her hands softly placed themselves on his skull, and caressed it, he caved in and his knees Buckeld, kneeling on the ground slouched.
Whoever death is...or was...it seems like its been a while since he had felt this warmth, this closeness and this tenderness,and jerico came to the relaziation when he felt him grunt with a broken voice.
She cleared her throat,and opened her mouth.
--all I remember--she sang-- its the screams of justice, all I saw, was someone in need of help.
What I was....who I am, didnt seem to matter,as my heart, pumped with desire.
I extended my hand to the human, who had finally gotten justice for her husband.
Then a yelp, a cry of help, and thats when I felt.
The human just smiled--death seemed to calm down and wrap his wings around her--as I heed her...so did she to me...
And soon enough a human id be....--
Deaths face lifted up as she heard her gulp,and tears formed on the corner of her eyes--oh how wrong I was--her voice rised up--when I thought it was all about love, oh how wrong I was, to forget that pain could be inflicted upon Man.
How Greed and narcissim could ruin such thing,as the Bond of a mother and her offspring...
But now I am here,resting in peace, with more knowledge and love that I have ever got before...--at the end her voice cracked as tears rolled down her eyes.
He wiped her tears away with a Giant hand,and pressed her against his chest.
Jerico sniffled, and gripped his cloack.
--Sorry....
She shook her head--dont be...I just get emotional when I sing it
Death Rose her up back to meet his face.
--Lets get out of here okay?,my allergies are kicking in --She chuckled and so does he.
And in a quick dash they were on old library.
The reaper left his companion on one of the tall bookshelves, where she sat
The first morning Rays filtered through the Windows.
Death looked at them and sighed--its....almost time
--hm?
He pointed at the sunrays and then at himself, making a hand gesture of something shrinking-- I....normal again
--ah i see --She jumped off the bookshelves and landed on the floor with no harm done-- maybe we can get out of here, and get you something for that throat,would you like that?
The reaper chuckled and nodded.
Then a shriek ripped from his throat,as his wings enveloped him, and shrank Back to his size.
He was still taller than her, messy and dirty black locks fell astray on the Mask covering his face.
The pale skin,seemed rough to the touch, death dragged himself to her, and hugged her as tight as he could.
Jerico smiled--Morning to you too
He grunted a chuckle, and both Walked out of the old manor.
The streets were empty,and the morning sun made jeri look even more beautiful, her eyes reflected the light and made them seem like two emeralds,he felt his cheeks Run hot.
His hand softly ghosted over her Lower back.
She shivered and looked at him, the chuckled and pulled him closer to her.
--If you need affection dont be afraid to ask, I have much to give--her heart not only poured power,but kindness too.
They finally arrived at jericos house,or more so her aunts.
He felt that energy again,the aura of someone as powerfull, that could only belong to someone such as the goddess of death herself.
She gave him some tea with honey,always keeping a hand on his shoulder.
He then collapsed on the sofá, his whole body ached from the transformation.
She layed ontop of him, the blinds were barely letting the sun come in.
Death cupped her cheeks, and she sleepily smiled to him ,he took off his mask and his chapped lips pressed against hers--thank...you
She kissed him again and he felt her smile against his lips--Dont mention it
4 notes · View notes
ambitionsource · 3 years
Note
Any Asher Lucas head canons I really love their friendship?
hello anon i am back as promised with the second half of answers to the lucasher asks i got a handful of weeks ago!! seeing as its the tail end of asher’s appreciation day, i am here to deliver on discussing their friendship
so to start, i would say that marking dylan as an outlier and not to be counted (especially on asher’s end), both of them would without a doubt call the other their best friend. asher flexes a bit on this, as jade is also arguably his bestie, but for lucas there’s absolutely no contest. asher is his best friend -- he even said so in 209, which took a lot of emotional vulnerability for him to manage to verbalize -- and that title really means something to him.
to that point, though, i think it took the events of s2 for that to really cement. as we know, lucas has issues with connecting with + trusting others, and so he kind of keeps people at arm’s length. i think asher has always been a bit of an exception to this rule (which i’ll explain in a bit), but lucas was mentally able to still keep him removed emotionally in his mind bc he was like... you know, his inferior in rank / his lieutenant rather than an equal. i don’t mean that he like thought of asher as inferior, because he doesn’t -- lucas hates himself so he thinks everyone is better than him anyway lmao, but he’s also had a lot of respect for asher -- but there was able to be this... mental barrier in his head, if that makes sense. but when asher finally stood up to him, multiple times (in 207 with their argument and then in 208 when he Truly put his foot down and basically walked out of his life), that put them on equal footing on all levels and broke that barrier in his brain. and, thusly, is part of the reason lucas was suddenly able to articulate it in the following ep
but, on that note, one thing that i think makes them such good friends is that they’re both very like... not mushy. at least, not with each other. they both don’t mind side-stepping more complicated emotions and just assuming things are unspoken but understood, but are getting better at knowing the moments where something should be said
but they’re like equally weird about the same stuff, like they both don’t like birthdays + being paid attention to on their bday bc they don’t know how to process it (sans the exception of dylan, who of course asher will allow to be extra on his birthday), so they will straight up just like not tell each other happy birthday on their bdays and people are like doesn’t that upset you?? did he forget?? and they’re like no actually lucas / asher is my favorite person bc he ignores my birthday fDSJLFKGSJKGLJSGL like... they’re so fucking weird
asher is constantly trying to improve lucas’s fashion sense + design sensibility and it does not work. like nothing sticks. asher will spend an hour casually (but actually very intently) telling lucas about the nuances in color between shades and then later when he asks him a question about which shade of red they should use in the set design lucas goes “idk they look the same to me just pick one” and asher is like. bitch ur jokin... it’s lowkey funny that he keeps trying tho like lmao
so in terms of asher being slightly different than others even early on, the way this most manifests is that i think for whatever reason, asher feels safe to lucas. its an inexplicable thing, and something i dont think lucas even really realizes consciously. but he starts their friendship being like oh i’m gonna protect asher the strong must protect the sweet this lame nerd needs me, but then what it actually ends up being is more that lucas needed asher. like yes he gets asher to loosen up and let out more of his authentic self, but asher gave lucas a friendship to anchor to, someone who seemed to genuinely like him not because he was reckless or cool but just because of who he is. and even when he fucked up, asher still seemed to believe he could be better / saw him as more than that, and lucas had never had anyone in his life before like that, let alone someone where it felt that way (i.e. dylan also sees lucas that way especially now, but something about asher just made it so pointedly clear)
and how this ends up changing things is that lucas finds that like... he wants to talk to asher. he wants to be real with him, not put up the defensive, aloof façade. so you have lucas going to convince him to sneak out freshman and sophomore year so they could hang out just the two of them (a thing featured briefly in the “younger” sequence in 208), and those were the moments where he got in those conversations. and asher liked those nights too because they made him feel special, like all the people lucas could choose to hang out with and he chose him to bother and coax out into the night... for a kid like asher, younger than everyone else and an anxious mess and nerdy and he knows it, that’s like. the craziest thing ever. so those one-on-one hangouts meant a lot to both of them, though for different reasons
what’s nice too is that their friendship definitely matured and grew with them the longer it lasted, because there was an element of hero worship on asher’s end and almost belittling underestimation on lucas’s end when their dynamic started, but then it grew organically past that. and when they actually got to know one another, for all their complexities, it made them better friends. and now those misconceptions are long gone, but they still hold a lot of respect for one another.
also to this point, i do not remember if i’ve said this yet on the blog or not but so major point here -- asher was actually lucas’s first (and only, pre-riley) crush. being demisexual, he has to form a deep emotional connection with someone before he really falls for them (riley being semi the exception to this because even though he didn’t really fall for her until they became friends from the get-go he was like okay so she pretty....... whatever tho idc like uh huh sure lucas). and like late in freshman year, maybe even early that summer, lucas and asher had become pretty good friends and were spending a lot of nights hanging out together and talking, and one of those nights they were talking about something semi-serious, and lucas was just looking at him and just realized like wow hm i could kiss asher... and then he was like WAIT HUH?!?!?!?!?!?! cause he’d NEVER had thoughts like that before and suddenly he was having them about his best friend, and that best friend was dating his other good friend and it just FREAKED him out he was like HELLO BAD WEIRD WRONG??? so he stifled that deep down and lowkey ignored asher for like two weeks until it passed -- which of course made asher worried he did something wrong or pissed him off, but thankfully that passed without much commentary or further discussion. lucas has mostly forgotten about it now.
that being said, if you ever told asher he was lucas’s first crush, he would never ever believe you.
they really enjoy discussing / debating each other, especially since lucas is truly equally as clever as asher, but it’s a really careful line because one wrong comment from either of them can send them tipping into actual argument bc they’re also very good at pushing each other’s buttons. this is why dylan’s presence is extremely helpful at keeping them balanced.
and this is kind of a key trait to their best friendship, which is that they make awesome best friends, but my god they would make TERRIBLE romantic partners. they cannot communicate when it really matters (especially about stuff that makes them embarrassed like romance, which they can barely do with their actual partners); they push each other’s buttons; they love each other’s flaws as friends but would drive each other crazy as lovers. like the people they’re with for love are exactly the people they need, understanding, soft, patient, and good at communicating. if lucas and asher dated, they would kill each other within the first week.
one of the first times dylan, asher, and lucas really hung out as a trio involved “wilding” asher, which meant dressing him like lucas and getting him to be more reckless and freewheeling for an afternoon. they didn’t do anything crazy, but lucas let asher borrow one of his t-shirts and snapbacks for the occasion. asher still has both buried in his closet, mainly because he keeps forgetting about it but also because there’s a sentimentality to them. not that he would ever ever wear them again -- yuck. asher would rather vomit
it should not be understated that the first people lucas verbally said i love you to were asher and dylan. it’s important. don’t ever forget it.
-- Maggie
6 notes · View notes
Text
Time was running out....
 ( I finally got this to sound the way I wanted so its being posted...hopefully theres a happy conclusion soon... : ) hope this was worth the wait of the update time)
Time was running out. 
That was all Deceit could think, his mind whirling as he sat in the light sides’ hallway of the mindscape with his head in his hands. He felt like he was trapped falling down a suffocating pit, or helplessly watching a horrible car accident happen over and over, or help maybe both at once. 
He didnt have much time left before Patton and Logan collided again under Virgil’s influence and something went horribly and irreversibly wrong.
Deceit had been trying to stop him before it escalated too much. Dammit he had been trying so hard to stop one of Virgil’s plans early, and maybe make him bored enough that he’d forget about it and move on for awhile. But no, Deceit knew who he was dealing with and the anger he was pushing into this particular scheme..the anger he was redirecting at himself now. 
The single string was his only warning to stop trying to interfere, to back down before he got himself into real trouble. 
But he couldnt, he couldnt just sit back and watch him go unchecked this time. 
“ But what can I even do....” came his own hoarse voice. 
Patton was too far under his control to even listen to him or give him a chance. He couldnt break that control alone.
Logan had dismissed him, brushed aside his help and didnt listen to him either. He was falling into the web as well. He couldnt ask the other dark sides for help, they were fully loyal to the side that protected and sheltered them, who helped give them seats at the table whether Thomas and the others liked it or not. They weren’t going to cross him for nothing....
He wasnt sure what else to do...and he was running out of time to think...Deceit squeezed his eyes shut with a angry hiss and banged the wall with his fist. 
He couldnt do this alone.....
“....alone huh?”
His eyes snapped open in a heartbeat at the new voice, and his eyes met shiny, fancy black boots that tapped in a twitchy, antsy motion. He took a deep breath and slowly raised his gaze up from those boots to the black and bright green outfit before finally meeting Remus’s bright green, wild eyes. The unflitered side gave the other a wide snidely cheerful smile and put his hands on his hips, leaning down.
“ Dece! I’ve been lookin just about everywhere for you! Im hurt you didnt even stick around to see the results of the idea you gave me!! maaaaaaaaan you should’ve seen the look on Virgy’s and Des’s faces! HA! ” The green side giggled wildly at the memory, and Deceit felt his shoulders slump a little. But his guard stayed raised more than it usual would.
As much as Remus claimed to “favor” him, he knew damn well that if Deceit slipped off on his own he didnt exactly want to be found and for all his impulsiveness the taller side usually could respect that. For him to seek him out now of all times.....
“ Remus....what are you doing here? And...dont bother lying to me of all people...” The laughter faded, replaced with a small sigh.
“ Dee....I think we both know why im here...” Deceit shut his eyes again to try to compose himself but quickly opened them again at the sound of rustling fabric, seeing Remus crouched in front of him now with his head tilted and his mouth pulled into a displeased frown. They stared at each other in a tense silence and the snake side felt his himself tense more from stress. When he opened his mouth and stopped whatever Remus was about to say, his voice was hostile and scared accusing.
“ Did He send you to come get me so I dont meddle?” The other side snorted and sneered at him, baring his teeth a little like a feral animal in offense.
“ oh BITCH pleeeease! Even if he DID, do you really think I would do it just because he ordered me to?! The hell do you think I am? Prince Pansy?” He flinched back a little, slumping. Remus’s look softened and the sneer melted into a pained frown. They didnt like fighting with each other, and a bare hand touched his gloved one.
“ Whatever you plan to do....dont let anxie find you in the immediate aftermath ok? Only I get to mess up that pretty face after all~” He cooed with a suggestive wink, making the human half of his face flush with heat. But before he could say anything Remus was gone without a trace, leaving him alone in the hallway once more. Alone and no closer to figuring out how to do this on his own. There was no way he could save them on his own....save...
He was on his feet and running down the hall before his thoughts full finished forming. 
There was one last person he could try...one last shot.
He only prayed he wasnt too late...
Before he knew it he was at the gold trimmed door and banging on it desperately, out of breath from sprinting across the mindscape. He didnt stop until it clicked and swung open, and he had to grab the doorframe a little to keep steady as he caught his breath.
“ D-deceit? What in the world are you banging on my door this late for....are you alright?” Roman reached his hand out  and put in on his shoulder, startled to see tears in the other’s eyes when he looked up at him.
“ R-roman...I...i...” He faltered briefly as he remembered his single warning. He wouldnt get another one...but as he looked into Roman’s worried and confused eyes, and saw the starts of sleepless bags forming under the prince’s eyes from stress he steeled his resolve. This had gone on long enough.
He needed help.
“ Please...you’re the only one I can trust right now...Roman I need your help.” A gloved hand reached up and grabbed the one on his shoulder, gripping it shakily as gold and brown met red.
“ Patton and Logan are in danger and you’re my last hope at saving them...I know it doesnt make sense but please...please believe me...and help me.” There was a moment of silence and Deceit shut his eyes, afraid for a moment to see more glowing strings. Then he felt it.
The hand in his squeezed his in return, and his eyes opened to see a grim and determined look.
“ What do we do?”
tada! I hope you guys like this update! Im going to try to write more soon but I finally got this one finished! Enjoy~
taglist
@phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @amazable01 @leesacrakon
96 notes · View notes
krizaland · 5 years
Text
Zim x Reader/ Dib x Reader Chapter 7
First Chapter Previous
I’ve suddenly got a ton of motivation so I whipped up another chapter! I hope you enjoy!
“Y/N?! Y/N?! Hello?! HELLO?!”
The sound of Zim’s screeching brought you back to the present.
“Ugh...” you groaned as you rubbed your throbbing head.
“Are you ok?” Zim asked, genuinely concerned.
“Oh! Yeah! Sorry about that. Just had a flashback.” You laughed half heartedly.
“A FLASHBACK?! REALLY?! DO YOU REMEMBER ME NOW?!” Zim squealed as hope danced in his ruby eyes.
“Well not really...I-”
“COMPUTER! PLAY ANOTHER RECORDING!” Zim interjected as he pointed to the monitor.
“INITIATING PLAYBACK OF RECORDING FIVE!”
The next day you walked to skool looking and feeling terrible. Your eyes were a bit swollen from crying and you could still taste Zim in your mouth.
“Hey, Y/N- Woah. Are you ok? You look like you just died and we’re brought back to life by an amateur necromancer.” Dib observed as he gave you a sympathetic look.
“Zim decided to stick his gross alien tongue in my mouth last night...” You groaned as you stopped walking.
Dib’s eyes nearly burst through his glasses.
“HE DID WHAT?!” Dib squawked in disbelief.
“He kissed me! I know! I know! It was super gross and weird but that wasn’t even the weirdest thing-”
“THAT ALIEN FREAK KISSED YOU?! Ok! Stay calm, Y/N! We need to get you to my dad’s lab right away! He probably laid eggs in your mouth or something!” Dib panicked as he grabbed your hand.
“Wait! What?! Can he really do that?” You looked like you were about to vomit.
“I..I don’t know. But! I saw something like that happen in a horror movie! So it’s better to be safe than sorry!” Dib insisted as he dragged you behind him.
“Ok! Ok! Just stop tugging! You’ll pull my arm off!” You grumbled as you followed Dib back to his house.
The moment you arrived, Dib burst through the door and rushed you to the lab.
“Dad! We need to give Y/N a check up! That alien kissed them! We need to check for eggs or poison or-” Dib blubbered as he gestured to you.
“Son! Calm down! I don’t know how many times I need to say this but: There are no aliens! Your friend simply went on a bad date. It’s nothing to be jealous about.” Professor Membrane reassured as he put a hand on Dib’s shoulder.
“Jealous? I’m not jealous. I’m just worried about my only friend! That’s all!” Dib blushed.
“Of course you are, son. Of course.” Professor Membrane chuckled as he shook his head.
“Dad! Please! Can’t you just take a look?” Dib pleaded as he gave him the saddest puppy dog face.
“Oh. Alright. I’ll take a look.” Professor Membrane sighed.
Professor Membrane hummed as he pulled out a few futuristic gadgets and ran some tests on you. After a few minutes of tests, Professor Membrane scribbled down some notes.
“Well son, your friend is perfectly healthy! However, there does seem to be a foreign substance embedded in their skin.” Professor Membrane noted as he looked through his notes.
“A foreign substance?! Do you know what it is?” Dib squeaked as he looked at his dad expectantly.
“Well no but I’m certain it’s probably just some sort of perfume. After all your friend’s body is in perfect health.” Professor Membrane explained with a shrug.
“That weird bottle that talking dog spilled on me!” You gasped as your eyes widened.
“Wait! What weird bottle? And was that dog green by chance?” Dib inquired.
“Yeah! The dog was green alright and totally crazy. Anyway, he spilled a bottle of weird stuff all over me last night. I must’ve forgotten to wash it off.” You explained with a nervous laugh.
“See son? It’s just perfume! Now I need to head to my main lab to check in a few experiments. You two have fun! I’ll be home at eight.” Professor Membrane mused as he walked out of the lab.
“That doesn’t sound like perfume to me. Y/N, that green dog works for Zim! He probably covered you in some kind of alien toxin. That’s probably why Dad couldn’t find anything wrong.” Dib rambled as he circled you.
“Aw man! What are we gonna do?! I don’t want to be some alien science experiment!” You groaned as you buried your face on your hands.
“Don’t worry, Y/N! We’ll get to the bottom of this! I think I know someone who can help. Follow me!” Dib urged as he grabbed your hand.
Dib rushed you to the garage and stood before a large tarp.
“Behold, Y/N! A real alien spaceship!” Dib announced as he threw off the tarp.
Under the tarp was none other than Tak’s ship.
“Pestering human! Why are you bothering me now!” The ship grumbled.
“Woah! Dib, this is so cool! How did you find it?” You squealed as you stared at the ship in awe.
“This terrible human STOLE ME FROM MY RIGHTFUL OWNER, TAK!” The ship roared as a picture of Tak’s face appeared on its screen.
“Yeah...Um it’s a long story really but I’ll tell you another time. Ship, we need your help again!” Dib urged as he turned to face the ship.
“I’ve already told you! I don’t help anyone but Tak!” The ship pouted.
“We need you help to foil one of Zim’s evil plans! It would make him really miserable!” Dib explained.
“Flawless logic! I will help you!” The ship chirped as a picture of a check mark appeared on its screen.
“My friend here had some kind of weird alien substance spilled on them! Do you think you can analyze it?” Dib asked as he gestured to you.
“Oh? Is that all? That’ll be simple.” The ship whirred as a few tentacles whipped out from it.
The tentacles wrapped around you tightly as the ship’s screen loaded.
“Analyzing… Done! It appears your friend is covered in...Early Irken Courtship Pheromones.” The ship’s voice fell as its tentacles retracted.
“COURTSHIP PHEROMONES?!” Dib exclaimed in shock.
“That’s what I said. Back before Irkens discovered cloning, Irken bodies used to give off powerful courtship pheromones that mixed with their natural body chemistry. The scent of these pheromones would send an Irken into a wild frenzy of sorts. However, the pheromones’ scents were unique to each individual. Therefore, the pheromones could only affect an Irken’s life mate.” The ship explained nonchalantly.
You and Dib exchanged horrified glances as the ship spoke.
“Oh god! Maybe that’s why he kissed me!” You shuddered.
“Wait! Did you just say Zim kissed you?!” The ship exclaimed in horror.
“Yeah! And it makes me sick just remembering it.” You whimpered as you looked down at your feet.
The ship remained silent for a moment before finally being able to speak.
“I never thought I’d say this but human, you have my apologies.” The ship sounded genuinely sympathetic.
“It’s alright. It was just a gross kiss. I’ll live.” You sighed as you looked back up at the ship.
“It’s actually much worse than ‘just a gross kiss’! That idiot has claimed you as his life mate!” The ship yelped.
“HE WHAT?!” You and Dib screeched in horror.
“Once an early Irken found a suitable partner, they would kiss them...passionately.  Once the kiss was completed, their partner would forever be branded as their life mate.” The ship’s voice shuddered a bit.
“NOOO! Y/N CAN’T BE THAT ALIEN MONSTER’S MATE FOR LIFE!” Dib wailed as he grabbed the sides of his head.
“HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?! I DONT WANT TO BE HIS MATE EITHER! I BARELY KNOW HIM AND I ALREADY HATE HIM!” You gagged. You felt like you were going to lose your breakfast!
“SHIP! SURELY THERE HAS TO BE SOMEWAY TO FIX THIS!” Dib screeched as he pressed his hands up against the ship’s screen.
“DON’T TOUCH ME! While there is no way to change Irken biology, there is a way to break his heart. Which is way more satisfying in my opinion!” The ship chirped.
“Break his heart? Ship, you’re a genius! Tell us how!” Dib insisted.
“Don’t tell me what to do! Anyway, Y/N! If you want to be free of Zim’s DISGUSTING affections then I suggest you listen carefully! I’m afraid you’re going to need to...accept his...Excuse me for just a moment ” The ship gagged for a few minutes before continuing, “You need to accept his affections for now. Play the role for a few days then deliver the final blow. Tell him your true feelings and watch him break.”  
“Geez, that sounds kind of harsh. Wait! I have an idea! Y/N, what if you tricked Zim into exposing himself! That way we’ll be rid of Zim and be able to show the whole world a real alien!” Dib cheered as he threw an arm around you.
“Well I liked my idea better but as long as Zim suffers, I guess that’s all that really matters. Just he sure to film everything for me! I want to see all the chaos!” The ship cackled.
You went silent for a moment and looked down at your feet. On one hand, you wouldn’t have to be Zim’s life mate and make Dib’s dream come true. However on the other hand, part of you didn’t want to hurt Zim at all. You couldn’t help but feel like there was so much more to Zim than just ‘evil alien’. You’ve always  wanted to know more about aliens in general. Getting to know Zim might be a great place to start.
Finally, both parts of you managed to come to an agreement.
“Alright, count me in!”
Next
49 notes · View notes
ramblian · 4 years
Text
Jericho Thoughts
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh
okay so. i’m rewatching jericho. i first watched it sometime around 8th-9th grade, I think maybe somewhere in the first half of 2014. I basically remembered this: the main character was the black sheep of the family, he came back to town, and atomic bombs destroyed most of the US, and the show was about the town dealing with the aftermath. the guy from continuum and one ep of flashpoint played a character i liked named dale (eric knudsen) who liked a popular girl who ended up befriending him, and the asking-for-flowers flashpoint ep guy was the responsible brother. Someone used to be a teacher. The main character looked like Skeet Ulrich, but i didn’t know who that was, just the name.
turns out the main character WAS Skeet Ulrich, and 2 characters (heather and emily) used to be teachers, and i apparently forgot almost all of the major characters. I’ve been rewatching it with the knowledge of which characters die, so that’s good. the show is really good, and it’s really intense. I’m almost done, and it’s tough to keep watching both because it’s so intense and because i know a character i like is about to die tragically. 
watching this show makes me so TENSE. i think it really got bad when goetz showed up and i knew bonnie’s death was coming up. i’ve been watching the same episode for like an hour and i started 6 minutes in from another viewing. i don’t know why i’m so stressed. well actually i do it’s because things in this show are AWFUL but i know that no one dies after bonnie.
i also really like that the plot is very much what drives the show. romantic relationships somewhat matter (eric/april/mary, dale/skylar, and stanley/mimi in particular get screentime, while jake’s relationships with emily and heather are there and meaningful but not something that drives the story or gets a lot of attention. dale and eric’s relationships have also been less important in season 2) but they are regularly sidelined while the character deal with the latest crisis. characters have backstories that aren’t always super expanded on, like johnston’s chaotic neutral dad or stanley and bonnie’s parents, because they don’t have a meaningful impact on the plot- how mimi grew up isn’t going to change how the Greens deal with food shortages. 
also, i love that it’s a post-apocalyptic show where there’s a lot of fighting and lawlessness and not once have they used rape as a plot device. the closest it ever came to being mentioned was when maggie, a survivor pretending to be military to get towns’ supplies, said that ‘out there, men only want women for one thing’ and that’s IT. i respect that so much. way too many shows and books and movies are like ‘things are bad... and we can only express that through rape’ but this show never does
also the grey morality is very well done in season 1 (the bad guys are clearer in season 2). characters fight and do shitty things because everyone is just trying to survive. Constantino was wrong to start a war with Jericho, but i also understand where he was coming from. Ravenwood ransacked New Bern and left them with almost nothing, and Jericho never bothered to warn them. There were some people considering not honoring the deal to repay the windmills in food. New Bern was on the brink of destruction and Constantino tried to get the resources for survival where he could, by force. The thing with the refugees too. There isn’t really enough food for everyone, and it’s true that Jericho’s been getting a lot of refugees when it’s barely managing to sustain its own population. Some of the refugees have been stealing from them, and sometimes you have to make tricky decisions to survive. But the refugees are also probably going to die if they get sent away, and understandably they cannot accept that. they’ve been stealing food to prepare for this possibility, and they are willing to be violent to secure their place because jericho is much better off than just about anywhere else and they don’t want to die. Roger gets in a fight with Gray and accidentally shoots him, but then actively chooses to hold him at gunpoint and refuse him medical help unless he guarantees the safety of the other refugees. That’s obviously awful- but he’s also trying to protect the lives of the 50 innocent people he brought here. In the end, the refugees get to stay because some Jericho residents volunteer to share their rations, but Roger does not because he obviously committed a terrible crime. He’s not a bad person, but of course he can’t just be forgiven and integrated back into Jericho like nothing happened, and he accepts that and leaves with only a gun from Jake to protect himself because at least the others and emily will be safe. 
also that emily and roger’s relationship wasn’t made meaningless in order to further her relationship with jake even despite their history as high school sweethearts.
oh god i just watched the scene where stanley’s talking to bonnie in the morgue and it’s so well done and i’m just in bed crying- not sobbing or anything, but plenty of tears. i don’t know what the last show to make me cry like this was; i’ve been watching so much youtube that i haven’t been watching a lot of hard hitting shows lately i guess. Barry was extremely Fucked Up, that might have made me cry, but it might not have- it had me fucked up for weeks, but i don’t know if i cried.
anyway the scene with stanley and bonnie in the morgue is so good. Stanley talking to her like she’s still alive the way they always did for their parents, and talking to her sign language bc that’s her language. Telling her to say hi to their parents. Letting her know that mimi is still alive, that she succeeded in protecting her, and thanking her for it. Still joking around a little even though he’s obviously heartbroken and just being so genuine with her. Neither of them deserved this. 
wow can’t believe heather is a fuckin bootlicker, knowing that the government is extremely corrupt and that she and beck are destroying new bern and choosing to continue to work for that government.
Tumblr media
oh beck just has to be some sort of a stupid son of a bitch. absolute goddamn buffoon. siding with the govt, arresting jake in the shadiest way possible in the middle of a crowd, choosing to torture jake (which if he knew a goddamn thing like hawkins did he would know was ineffective), and then thinking that after everything this town and those rangers have done to protect themselves and their loved ones that it was just going to work out for him like the others aren’t going to come for jake immediately and efficiently. i liked beck well enough before but any fondness or respect for him is fucking absolutely gone.
at least eric is really getting to show off his leadership skills now. johnston’s dead, jake’s been arrested/kidnapped, hawkins is busy with other shit. eric’s always one of the second-in-commands but this is one of the few times he’s just plain in command.
“your friends have escalated this to a level i will not tolerate” right but you dragging jake to a fuckin blacksite to torture him was fine???? YOU ESCALATED THIS YOU DUMB STUPID SON OF A BITCH. you have really been given so many chances this season to not serve an evil government and try to protect these people and you’ve failed almost every time, huh? he’d also have to be some sort of an idiot to think that a clearly faked note with jake’s signature saying ‘this bad’ would stop anyone. god i haven’t escalated to hating someone this much so quickly in a long fuckin time.
love how beck is leveraging the entire town of jericho and choosing to oppress them in order to get the rangers to turn themselves in <3 i love punishing innocent people to use them against others just like goetz did last episode <3 what a good guy
i dont know why there are so many beck fics on ao3 because this man fucking sucks. like, can you imagine refusing a whole town food, power, and lights as a bargaining chip, blaming someone else (”don’t forget, you caused this”) and then still thinking you have the moral high ground? incredible mental gymnastics when will beck be in the olympics
heather: your actions are so blatantly terrible that i am just now beginning to consider not defending you to everyone. take responsibility for what you do
beck: hmm. no. my choices are jake’s fault
i know beck is probably going to ‘redeem’ himself by the end of the episode but i don’t fuckin care. too late for him now he can’t just say ‘oops’ and pretend he hasn’t done all of this shit. wild how his actions are now literally being compared to those of nazis during wwii and people still like this guy.
hey do you think beck is an idiot asshole or just pretending to be one for fun
commanding officer: go ahead and destroy everything in the area
beck:  🤔 is killing all those people wrong?
oof rip eric sure is rough when you have to ally with the guy who tortured you and killed your dad to protect ur city but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. also where the hell has dale been? i’ll let it go bc the show isn’t consistent on when he shows up and is a major part of town but in universe it sure is fuckin weird, and you know beck would have dragged him in for questioning too
oh wow beck finally decided to actually try thinking critically and addressing the obvious evidence about cheyenne’s corruption. that makes up for everything and i can stan now /s
‘i’m no longer taking orders from the cheyenne government. i believe it’s corrupt at its core. its actions are criminal’ oh so like everyone’s been telling you this whole time? the actions like the ones you’ve taken, not even at anyone’s command? idiot.
lmao i’m not as opposed to constantino’s methods as the show thinks i’m supposed to be. a revolution against a corrupt, oppressive government is not peaceful. it cannot be. the only good fascist is a dead one.
3 notes · View notes
clownbeep · 5 years
Text
This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing
Big vent/whats been going on
Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...
Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.
For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.
And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.
If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.
By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.
If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.
Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.
I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.
My family didnt care.
When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.
My family didnt care.
I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.
But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.
Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.
I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.
My family did not care.
When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.
My family did not care
When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.
When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....
Is it me being dramatic then?
When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...
Am I a liar now? Am I insane?
When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.
My family didnt care.
When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.
My family didnt care.
Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.
When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)
They did not care.
My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.
My family did not care.
She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.
My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.
My family did not care.
My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.
Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.
All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.
Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.
These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.
Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.
I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.
Gone.
I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..
If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?
Ive layed out basically most of what I remember
A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...
I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..
If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..
I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.
Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.
I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..
Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.
I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.
I
CANT
LEAVE
And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.
I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..
I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..
Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.
Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.
Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.
I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..
If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)
And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..
Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...
Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just
I dont know what to do.
Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...
Im just tired..
44 notes · View notes
gotatext · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
hello, it’s swamp witch nora again…. i couldn’t stay away.... hitting u with a tiny baby boy who is also terrible (sometimes).  musical softboi who loves karl marx and hates children dying in cobalt mines to make smart phones. as is tradition, here’s the pinterest board, have a peruse. fyi sorry for those of u who have read this intro a thousand times i literally.... can never b bothred to change it n i think thats really sexy of me x
CHARLIE PLUMMER / DEMI-BOY — don’t look now, but is that rory bergström  i see? the 23 year old music student is in their junior year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be whimsical, impassioned, self-indulgent and nitpicky, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he / they will make a name for themselves living in griffin street. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her. )
aesthetics.
bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and djing into the blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars, marxist literature in stacks against your bedroom walls, a burner phone twice-shattered and a stash of replacement sim cards.
tw ocd, anxiety, drugs
half-swedish, half-british. the swedish is on his mother’s side. he’s bilingual but thinks in english. only really speaks swedish around his mother. only child, and kinda put a lot of pressure on himself to be the perfect kid when he was young, but his parents are honestly, quite decent? and just want him to have a nice life, they don’t care if he isn’t successful or rich or anything, they’re honestly rather solid. (wow imagine having nice parents, a first for all my characters, im literally this meme)
grew up in peckham, a suburb of london. growing up, his mum was a model / actress / waitress who later retrained as a speech therapist and his dad worked in her majesty’s service at buckingham palace. his dad wasn’t allowed to tell his family what his job entailed but rory suspects it’s probably very boring and just involves a lot of…. logistics n security.
was bullied a lot at school. [cole sprouse voice] he didn’t fit in and he didn’t want to fit in. unironically wore a trenchcoat to school every day of his life. spent most of his lunchtimes in the library because it was his safe space. as a result he knows…. loads of useless information because 30% of his school years were spent reading anthologies on space and the vikings etc. would be good on a game show. obsessively recorded every episode of university challenge as a child.
middle-class and lowkey quite wealthy but rarely talks about money, one of those well-off people who still wears really old shitty shoes and only spends money if they absolutely have to
virgin who can’t drive
into star wars, not into the big bang theory. feminist. can’t watch horror movies
favourite film is where the wild things are. also loves the florida project. thinks kids are the sweetest thing and can’t wait to be a dad to some
has been musical for as long as they can remember. first picked up guitar because he thought it would make this girl esther who he was in love with like him, but he just ended up falling in love with music instead.
formulated several different bands as a kid but ultimately had to give it up cos he was quite controlling and got fixated on making a certain sound so it wasn’t really fun for the others. got into electronic music because it was something he could do basically on his own and keep tweaking until he got it perfect
always drumming their fingers or strumming invisible guitar strings. tends to avoid parties bc he has quite has specific tastes when it comes to music and doesn’t like listening to r&b for eight hours while people throw up into plastic cups.
a techno connoisseur. has been making electronic music since he was about twelve.
after his parents divorce, when he was fourteen, rory & his mother moved to run-down suburban neighbourhood, pittsfield, massachussets.
big into photography. he mostly uses a canon 35mm camera, but occasionally uses disposable ones when he wants that more rustic feel.
moving to the states, their photography became more focused on suburban neighborhoods and are often quite dark and cinematic (think gregory crewsden). here are some shots of pittsfield i really like which rory has on his wall [1] [2] [3]
falls in love 12 times a day. never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. gets sweaty when someone cute looks at him. flirting?? what?? would prefer to idealise them from a distance
gender??? hm. rory don’t really know where they fit yet, sometimes he feels like a guy and sometimes they dont feel like anything at all!! slippin out of his physical form into the spirit realm! isn’t really bothered, cos they think it’s a social construct anyway. uses he/they pronouns interchangeably, but currently feels like ‘he’ is more fitting. won’t necessarily pull anyone up on it cos he knows having an identity that’s constantly…. in flux.. can be annoying for others … and doesn’t want to be a burden even tho it isn’t at all?? rory internalises guilt
everything is socially constructed. mirrors let you move through time. the whole thing’s a metaphor. he thinks he’s got free will but really he’s trapped in a maze. in a system. all he can do is consume. people think it’s a happy game. it’s not a happy game — it’s a fucking nightmare world, and the worst thing is, it’s real and we live in it!!!!
has ocd. tries to let it affect his life as little as possible, but obviously it’s incredibly hard to control a compulsive disorder. was teased for it at school when other kids started to notice. he was obsessed with the number five, would wash his hands five times, count stairs i groups of five, he could only use the corridors in one direction and always had to keep his hands busy. it manifests itself in hyper-fixations (trains when he was a child – specifically steam engines – then later he became obsessed with space and the patterns of constellations, and now he’s obsessed with synthesizers) and repetitive behaviours like counting stairs. doesn’t really affect his social life at all, he can jst get a bit locked-on n hyper-focused sometimes.
has insomnia. barely ever sleeps. finds it hard to switch off from work / writing / gaming / whatever’s preoccupying him in that moment. he’s always awake at 5am and quite often sleeps in through classes but still gets really good grades because he’s very good at his course. rarely attends classes. prefers to work independently. doesn’t really trust his tutors are intelligent enough to be teaching him, and is particularly suspicious of the lockwood tutors. a music snob tbh
occasionally deals weed n pills when strapped for cash, but only 2 ppl he knows, and on a very small scale grass-roots level!! (so its ok???) rollerskates around campus dealing cos they dnt have a car. we love to see it
aesthetics: bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and drumming into blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, watching vine compilations until your eyes turn square, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars
likes: techno, the webpage cats on synthesizers in space, allen ginsberg, vintage gramophones,  floating points, lcd soundsystem, marijuana, soft dogs that let you pet them, late-night strolls talking about the universe, independent films, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, constellations, photography, late night jazz, vintage game boys and girls who could rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and use it as an ashtray. dislikes:  weddings, funerals, formality, button-up shirts that people actually button-up, bananas, hot coffee, social media, people who watch and play sports, rap music – especially of the misogynistic variety, indie wankers in wire-framed glasses that play ed sheeran songs at open mic nights.
plot ! with ! me ! i’d say all the usual “exes fwb hookups spiel” but rory… has never hooked up with anyone… i feel like a deer in the headlights of love……. so give me
study buddies,
people who are also into techno and are music snobs about it,
people who love all kinds of music,
people who are in bands that maybe rory’s recorded and produced stuff for,
people he actually jams with (he plays bass and synth),
unrequited crushes!!
actually i think rory had sex w delilah in the last version of this rp so if u want a hook up plot its possible just unlikely. they’d hav 2 be the driving force i reckon cos rory doesn’t really act on impulses like desire or anythin.... jst bottles that shit up !!! but yea we could do a spicy hook up plot maybs, depending on the person
someone they met at a knitting club in freshman year and have remained friends with despite no longer going to it
people rory knows from open mic nights and gigs
library girlfriends / boyfriends that he stares at longingly while paging through leatherbound volumes
gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!
people he deals weed to on his rollerskates (why r all my characters obsessed with rollerskates)
skaters. rory is really shit at skateboarding. like really shit. help the smol
10 notes · View notes
faunusrights · 5 years
Text
OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 13
‘what, already?’ cry the people.  ‘yes, already,’ say kc and diesel. ‘but only for like a hot second.’
okay lets just jump right on in HOORAH
It was raining. The sky roiled saltpeter grey overhead. There were Grimm nearby. Glynda touched the cracked lens of her glasses and wiped away the fat drop of rain which had splattered against it. It was cool on her fingers. She stopped walking.
i love the transition from cinder’s POV which is all meaty slimy big wet slippery fancy words to glyndas ‘listen. words are. hard.’ look at this writing. look at it. lick it.
She stood very still, trying to remember where it was.
Her hand rose to her collar. It found waterproof fabric. She was wearing her poncho.
okay but drag me i do this all the time.
It might have bothered her, if she were the kind of Huntress to be bothered by discomfort.
this whole chapter/bit/arc/everything might have bothered her, if she were the kind of huntress, to have a braincell,
also gonna double back for JUST a moment since i’m on full 👈😎👈 neighbourhood watch and i think
The Manticore seared the sky beyond the clouds like a second sun.
I FEEL LIKE THATS A 👈😎👈. IN FACT I’M PRETTY CONVINCED OF IT, ACTUALLY. HM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-- 
its hard to like. rly say how good this narration is in its own little way because its so. like that. you know. but its making such good use of the, like, negative space between sentences that everything feels so good and disjointed and did i mention the writing alone -- like even if we ignore literally Everything Else -- blows offal hunt v1 out of the water??? like who even is that bitch. idk her. but yeah like it feels both real fast and real slow, like yr skipping from one thought to another but yr not actually GETTING anywhere? it’s like that classic case of ‘talking a lot but not saying anything’. anyway i love this fic and u should too, is my point,
Cinder made a sound. It was the kind of sound people made when they weren’t having a good time.
you know what thats a LOADED sentence and also a MOOD. what sound is that? im not sure but i Feel It. In Fact Im Feeling It Right Now.
Cinder always seemed to be having a good time.
Tumblr media
“I need to talk to you,” Glynda said.
Cinder said, “Read the note on your Scroll.”
i dont know WHY written instructions is SO funny to me but it IS and its probably because i. have also done this. look maybe. just maybe. we in the autistic community really DO toss the braincell around like a hot potato maybe we’re onto smthng here,
Your soul is fucking disgusting, so follow me at a distance.
wrow cinder u have SUCH  way w/ words. also have u considered that yr the gross one here,
dont trust ozpin
OUGH THAT HURTED. MX AUTHORS THAT ONE REALLY HURTED.
To be a Huntress just like her mothers.
hell yes
i am still laughing at them being like. separated like this. BECAUSE IN THE FIRST VERSION IT WAS ALL 👈😎👈 AND 👈😍👈 AND 👈😏👈 but now we gotta wait for it we gotta MUSCLE THRU this SHIT. im sorry that was all very vague but trust me i know exactly what this is running up to. the fabled 👈😳👈 bit U KNO THE ONE!!!!!!!!! anyway,
After a moment, she added her to her contacts.
is her contact name 👿😡😒💩cinder “ew” fall🤬😡🤮🙅‍♀️ or
this joke isnt even funny but finding those emojis took like five whole minutes so im sticking to it
The addition said: dont trust winter
do you ever just LAUGH because 👈😔👈 but also because 👈🤣👈 cause I SURE DO
im. I KNOW I SHOULDNT but the fact cinder has to rely on fucking phonecalls because she cant get close is just the funniest fucking thing. this is some peak humour here ngl. can you fucking imagine. ‘you stinky so im just gonna call u’. the audacity.
The Manticore felt close as flame.
👈😎👈
god do i have to do this for every reference to fire now. i mean yes. also but. why.
okays theres a bit here. theres a Bit. it ends like this
In every story, the witch and the dragon were enemies.
but this Bit is just fucking loaded to the gills with bloody 👈👈👈👈👈👈😎👈👈👈👈👈 so im just. ACKNOWLEDGING THE BIT AND MOVING ON. OKAY WE’RE MOVING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her Scroll made a sound like fractured glass against the wall.
me: stop talking abt how much u like the narration also me: but do the people KNOW
The smooth metal was badly cracked. She tried to remember when that had happened.
did you know the concept of her having a cracked Scroll is giving me more anxiety than anything else in this fic. please can someone replace it cracked screens STRESS ME OUT--
this bit i have to depict as a screenshot but god. GOD. its SO GOOD:
Tumblr media
u ever read a fic and be like ‘i wanna like. do smthng like that’ ME W/ THIS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. ITS JUST THE LITTLE THINGS!!!!
“You have to stop... You’re going to kill me.”
everyone else reading this part, probably: oof ough me: SHES KILLING ME TOO BABE!!!!!!! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS INHUMAN SHIT HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE TWO ASSHOLES WHO ARE LIKE THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF NORMAL PEOPLE IM THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like srsly idk what it is. but getting into all this fuckin crazy shit has me AMPED AS FUCK... i love this weird shit,,,,,,,,, like when og offal hunt kinda touched it i was like ‘nice’ but this version is just. swan-diving into it butt-first and i’m THRIVING.
“We—We’ll talk. Just stop. Please.” 
see i was thinking this when she was ignoring her msgs like. cinder are you aware you are. how they say. actively making it worse? and now she reaps what shes sown and i dont feel bad for her AT ALL ~~~~~~~~~~~
“You can’t imagine what the last three weeks have been like. I can barely sleep when you’re in the same town, did you know that? It’s like swallowing salt… I feel pickled, and I didn’t even think your soul could affect me—"
theres smthng rly poetic abt their suffering being like. directly interlinked but having the total opposite effect to the other? so glynda suffers and basically caves in and feels nothing and cinder suffers and feels Every Bad Feeling Ever Felt and i just. hm. soulmates. JHGDSFJGHKDF
“Close to her, and now you,” Cinder insisted. “It’s too much of a coincidence. I’m just reading what’s there.”
“remnant is probably flat,” says cinder. “i’m just saying what my eyes see.”
She stowed it away next to Vivienne's, in a place where she would never lose them. In a million years, she would never lose them.
hey when does cinder’s name go there too asking for a friend the friend is me
i feel like bacia’s also been name dropped early!!! which is nice because y’all know im, how the kids say, a Slut for lore. anyway im liking the stronger implications of her ties to 👈😎👈 which im also thrilled abt so theres that too
“Maybe not." It was the tone of someone who didn't care. Who didn't love her.
THATS. HM. THATS AN INTERESTING ADDITION ON THE END OF THAT LINE. HM. HELLO? HM. HM. am i reading too much into it PROBABLY do i care NO
“Yes,” Glynda said. “Goodnight, Cinder.” Glynda heard Cinder’s hesitance. The line went dead.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM--
AND WE REACH THE END. boy was that a surprisingly action-packed chapter considering they dont. do anything. A HALLMARK OF GOOD WRITING. anyway this is probably? my fav chapter so far (WILD) and i am PUMPED to see how much Weirder this whole things gonna get so with that said, im gonna sit here and WAIT FOR IT.
13 notes · View notes
blookmallow · 5 years
Text
me starting skyrim: i guess you can adopt kids in this game but that doesnt rly interest me i probably wont 
me 2 seconds after encountering an orphan in the first city i came to: [devotes absolutely all my focus on making money to buy a house for her immediately] 
--
Tumblr media
this iS MY HOUSE,
i guess this room automatically goes to my companion but like.... its cozier than the other room.... why cant i have this one who told you you get first pick out of the rooms in my house, that i bought with my money, and did not invite you to come live at, which you Decided you were gonna live at without even Asking Me,
i mean. i love lydia i would’ve let her in if she had asked but. she didn’t :’)
Tumblr media
did somebody say vampires
i declined bc i was hoping i could join the vampires lmao but. my later vampire encounters have led me to believe i probably cant do that so maybe ill look for these guys again. the fact that i can have however many save files makes me. a lot more impulsive too bc its like ‘well i can always just do [other thing] on another character’ 
Tumblr media
why does this bother you so much 
then i FINALLY GOT A ROOM FOR LUCIA,
Tumblr media
i would do anything for you
Tumblr media
it took her all of .3 seconds to adjust to calling me mama and im going to cry 
Tumblr media
i cANNOT bring myself to take anything from you even if you say i can but thank u,
she collects flowers n stuff its.... rly cute
Tumblr media
i gave her the doll.... my precious darling baby girl i will never let anything hurt you ever again
im headcanoning that A) she’s already really independent she’s been living completely alone for who knows how long so she can handle herself when im not around, she always did before and now she has A House and Food and knows im coming back soon (i come back to drop things off/say hi to her pretty frequently) and B) i dont take lydia with me that much bc i dont want to accidentally get her dead, so im deciding she guards my house and looks after lucia when im not around. baby girl’s got 2 moms now 
Tumblr media
braith for some reason glitches into my house all the time and i have No idea why (she just snarks at me and then leaves usually) but ANYWAY MY BABY BROUGHT HOME A RATTY WILD FOX SOMEHOW :’) i have no IDEA how she managed to tame it but i am honestly impressed and very proud of her (i let her keep it) (i cannot imagine Ever saying no to her... if she wants a fox she gets a fox) 
Tumblr media
thus far the fox doesnt seem to be a problem, i havent seen it acting aggressive toward me or anything else, hasnt been knocking shit over which is what i was concerned about, lucia takes care of it so i dont have to do anything and it just kinda hangs out being our little trash dog im very fond of it 
it also occurred to me that its probably Possible for me to kill the fox and i am mortified at the thought of being potentially able to do that to my daughter,
thankfully i have no reason to ever use weapons in the house so i dont think theres much risk of me killing it on accident (and its usually with her anyway it doesnt rly bother with me) 
Tumblr media
UH.... GUYS. THERES. A DRAGON. THERES A FUCKING DRAGON JUST HANGING AROUND DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS OR 
i forget where this was i think it was like. the area just outside whiterun where theres farms/guards/travelers around but no one else was acknowledging it and it eventually flew off somewhere 
then i realized i could go back to helgen, so i went to see whats left of it/if there would be anything there (headcanon: medea was so disoriented and confused during that whole incident she barely remembers what even happened and went back hoping to make sense of it all or find some hint as to how she even ended up there in the first place) 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
disgusting!!!!! i love it!!!!!!
the town’s mostly just ruins overrun by bandits now 
Tumblr media
apparently you cannot attack through gates (i think i should be able to shoot arrows through that but ok fine) and she couldn’t figure out how to walk around to the door to get to me so we were just kinda angrily staring at each other for a minute 
Tumblr media
hhuuUOUh FUCKING FUCK NO I SEE THAT GIANT FUCKOFF SPIDER DOWN THERE IM LEAVING NOW 
i have never in my life encountered a video games spider that actually set off my arachnophobia but these spiders absolutely do and i haTE IT LMAO :’) 
[wildly flailing an axe around trying not to look at anything] EW EW EW EW EW OH GOD OH GOD 
however when you like. make a noise or something and they dont see you yet but are Aware Of Danger and do the little [?????] action thats. actually weirdly cute to me and i dont know why, 
Tumblr media
delicious soup
11 notes · View notes
find-the-eyes · 5 years
Text
I’ll Try Anything Once: Chapter 36
Written by: Sol, Allegra Edited by: Beth, Allegra, Sol
“Nick, calm down.”
Nick felt a hand on his leg once again and opened his eyes to see that he was furiously kicking and thrashing. The only difference from last time was that this kicking and thrashing wasn’t purposeful, and it didn’t feel good at all. And it wouldn’t stop. Nick did everything in his power to calm his flailing legs, but he couldn’t. He had never felt so helpless. His arms thrashed out at his sides. Where was Alex? He arched off the bed, gagging as his breathing tube shifted. His blanket came undone and dropped to the floor. He felt himself sliding towards the edge of the bed to join it.
“Nick!” He felt hands on both of his legs now, and a hand on either arm. Through his half-lidded eyes he saw three nurses, doing their best to restrain him as his legs kicked out and convulsed wildly. His arms thrashed violently now, the IVs in his forearms nearly ripping out of his skin. After a few minutes, Nick felt his body slowing down, suddenly crashing from his wild attack. His head lolled to the side as he felt hands adjusting his breathing tube, gently bringing him back to reality. His head was spinning and he couldn’t stop tears escaping from his eyes.
Two of the nurses talked in hushed voices at the doorway, glancing back at Nick occasionally. Finally, after a few moments, they returned to Nick’s side.
“You’re going to have a brain scan later,” the blonde nurse said. “We need you awake for it, so we’re going to take you off the sedatives for now.”
Nick couldn't even find the strength to nod, so he simply looked at her, hoping she understood.
She put the communication board on Nick’s lap. “Would you like to do anything while we’re waiting to do the brain scan? Your friends are art students, right? Would you like to draw?”
Yes.
“Alright, I’ll be right back.”
Don’t leave. Don’t leave.
“Ah…” She glanced around the room and spotted the notebook that was still sitting on the counter from when Alex was writing in it a few days before. “Is this ok?”
Yes. Thank you.
Nick held the notebook close, and as soon as the nurse left he opened it to a blank page. He grabbed the pen next to him and just started writing. He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but they needed to get out. His arms jerked and twitched as he wrote, but he tried to fight it. This was important.
When he finished, he folded the letter with shaky hands and laid it on the bedside table, not even bothering to read it over. He had barely placed the pen on the table before his head fell back and he drifted off to sleep, all of his energy gone. All he could hope was that Alex would understand.
A couple of hours later, Nick awoke to a hand on his arm and a gentle voice calling his name. He opened his eyes slowly to the information that they were taking him back for the brain scan. His leg kicked out again.
“It won’t hurt, and it won’t take long,” the nurse reassured him. Nick closed his eyes again, trying to believe her.
Alex found the neurology office fairly easily. It was a small room in a distant hallway, far from anything Alex had seen in the hospital before. So many people are suffering here. Is Nick one of the worst? Alex shook the thought and entered the small office when he was called.
“Hi, Alex,” the doctor said when he went in. Her calming energy immediately made Alex feel more at ease.
Alex greeted her and sat down at the desk, not knowing what to say. “Is Nick alright?” he finally managed, fiddling with one of the pens on the desk.
“Well, it doesn’t appear that the kicking and thrashing were anything more than a bad reaction to the sedatives. His reaction increased when they gave him more, and so on.”
“Why did he react like that?”
“Here.” The doctor showed Alex the scan of Nick’s brain. “He has a bit of damage to the language processing and speech areas of his brain, as well as some executive functions like decision making and general cognition. Has he ever mentioned that to you?”
“Yeah, actually,” Alex realized, “he had a different lung injury before all of this and said he had some brain damage from a lack of oxygen.”
“That explains it, then. Does he act normal, usually?”
Alex thought for a moment. “He does have some unusual behaviors, but… he doesn’t need to be normal. He’s perfect to me.”
“Unusual behaviors?” The doctor leaned closer to Alex. “Can you tell me what you mean?”
“Uhh…” Alex felt uncomfortable talking about Nick’s issues with a complete stranger, when he wasn’t there to speak up for himself. “Well, he has bad dreams a lot...he’s stolen some things before...he has trouble reading and speaking, and he doesn’t always make eye contact when he’s talking to someone new.” Alex paused, then continued with a sigh. “Nick told me that it all started with the initial brain damage that he got from being shot. He doesn’t really have any physical issues, though.”
The doctor nodded. “All of that definitely could be connected to how he reacted. We think the thrashing was caused by a reaction with the part of his brain that controls movement. Rather than turning off, like it usually does with sedatives, it tried to reject them. Because of that, his body didn’t want to accept the sedatives.”
“Oh…” Alex nodded along thoughtfully and pretended to understand what the neurologist was telling him.
“The good news is that he’s been off the sedatives for a few hours now and he’s doing perfectly fine! You’re allowed to go see him now, if you’d like.”
Alex beamed and thanked the neurologist as he left the small office.
Alex walked into Nick’s room to find him fast asleep. He smiled when he saw that the IV giving him sedatives had been removed. He walked over to Nick and brushed the hair off his forehead. Nick stirred at the touch and his eyes lit up when he realized that it was Alex. He lifted his right arm and stretched it out as far as he could, smacking his palm against the bedside table. Alex blinked in confusion for a moment before he noticed the folded paper atop the table. “Is this for me?” he asked. Nick gave him a weak thumbs up of approval.
At that moment, a nurse rushed in, saying something about needing to check on Nick. She rushed Alex out of the room before he could even ask Nick about the piece of paper.
Once he was alone in the hallway, Alex unfolded the piece of paper. He held it gently, trying to decipher Nick’s messy handwriting.
--
A lex
Thank you so much for putting up with me Im sory you have to see me like this It hurts a lot so bad and Im scared but pleas dont worry I cant wait to go home and pet Steckrübe again and Play music again but not do anyt hin g dumb this time Because I Ive learned now maybe I shouldnt stage dive until they tell me its okay
But right now it hurts I want to go home but they wont let me I want t o get up but they won’t let me I Miss being able to speak I dont feel like I have a body anmore it just hurts so much But  when youre here I forget You make me happy  Please bring Steck next time I miss him
I’m sorry I didn't listen to you I feel like a bad Flatmate Im sory I cant do anthing to help you out
Im scared I wont get better it Hurts it hurts and I dont know why it hurts so much I still cant breathe Im Scared I wont be able to
My body is kicking thrashing I cant stop it wont stop Im so   tired but I cant sleep it wont Help Im terrified
You saved me
I want to be with you Im sorry I couldnt tell you that niht  it hurt too bad I want to be yours
I love you so much Alex Ive loved you from the first night you Visited me at the prisonn You accept me ffor who I am and you ne ver get mad at me Evn when I deserve it I deseve it 
Thank you Than k you Thank you for saving me I love you I love you I love you Alex I love you
--
Alex braced himself against the wall, trembling as he clutched the paper. Nick loves me. He meant it the other day. And I didn’t listen.
Alex folded the piece of paper again and ran back into the room as soon as the nurse left. The heart monitor started beeping faster than Alex had ever seen it beep before as he approached Nick’s bed. He laughed softly and believed for a moment that Nick was giving a small smile as well. Was he? Maybe it was just the lighting. Alex ignored the beeping and held Nick’s hand. “I love you too,” he said softly. “So much. And you're going to get better.” Alex ran a hand through Nick’s hair. “And I’m sorry for trying to talk about our relationship when you were in so much pain. I should have known better.” Nick started furiously tapping the I love you box on his board, blinking back tears as he looked up at Alex.
Suddenly, a nurse rushed into the room. “Is everything alright in here?” she asked, obviously concerned by the sudden, rapid beeping. Alex dropped Nick’s hand, instantly brought back to the reality of the situation as he remembered the condition Nick was in. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t form the words.
“Just…don't get him overexcited, yeah?” the nurse sighed as Nick’s heart rate slowed back to normal. “He’s still in critical condition and we want him to make it out alive, after all.”
“Alright,” Alex said sheepishly. The nurse gave him a stern look and walked out.
Nick’s eyes were bright, but he wasn’t smiling. He couldn’t. There was no way he could do anything more than move his eyes and his hands. He still had to make it out of the hospital alive before Alex could even think about the future. Was it better to be hopeful or to prepare himself for the worst?
Alex looked back down at Nick and realized that his eyes were still so full of love, searching for an answer from Alex, an answer neither of them could find.
“I love you, Nick,” Alex ran his hand through Nick’s hair, “I really do.”
13 notes · View notes
sturlsons · 5 years
Text
french in 1.5 years anon
Kinda random but I just found out that I’ll be required to be intermediate/advanced in French by the next 1.5 years; ALL I KNOW IS THAT MEIRDE IS A BAD BAD WORD! Idk if you’re a native speaker but I was wondering if you could provide me of any good French language resources (or language in general since I’ll be needing to learn Arabic soon as well), and like tips for language learning and how to go about it? Sorry to bother you haha this is MY stress but I appreciate any help! Have a great day!
HEY. so i really fucking dropped the ball on this one, i’m sorry. 2019 has been one health fiasco after another (or more like the same fiasco again and again) and i kept telling myself i want to sit down and make a proper post for this, until i realised that that’s just never going to happen given the way things are rn. and i’d rather give you a quickly-written post which is actually helpful than never write that perfect bullet-pointed one. 
first of all, i’ve been in your EXACT position (so no, i’m not a native speaker) except i had about...six months to go from je m’appelle teesta to voyez-vous, le problème qui se cache derrière tout ça n’est pas le manque de respect mais la personne dont il s’agit or whatever. i was like, i can so do this. (spoiler: i didn’t, because i was 18 and overconfident and stupid and didn’t actually know how to learn a language.) GOOD NEWS: having learned 3 more foreign languages since then, i am now REALLY GOOD at learning languages REALLY FAST. 1.5 years is a good amount of time, so don’t stress.
i’m going to go generic on this, with some extra tips about french since i speak it, unlike arabic. 
first thing, that typical thing everyone hates to hear but knows is coming from the mouth of an accomplished person (pat on my back) in any field whatsoever: you’re going to have to work really hard and practice like fuck. 
there’s just nothing else that can replace it. i’ve filled up notebooks and notebooks with japanese verb conjugations, once i did like 1800 of them in one sitting. but you better believe that a bitch will never forget those now. resign yourself to putting in at least three hours of your day to this until you get to the level you need. (and three hours is...kind. at my peak i was literally reading through french dictionaries at the library, 10 AM - 8 PM. i treated it like a workday.)
now, what you need to establish is: are you a hands-on learner or a digital one. 
i don’t really care for all the auditory learner and visual learner stuff, i don’t know about anyone else but i personally used those as excuses to avoid certain exercises. unless you have actual disabilities preventing you from accessing certain methods of learning, you can train yourself into anything. it’s a matter of practice. i could barely understand a new song without reading its lyrics first, now i eat up podcasts. 
SO. the question here is different. a hands-on learner, like i used to be more or less throughout my bachelor’s, is someone who absolutely cannot retain information unless they’ve written it down BY HAND at least once. pen and paper. (i’m still like this but i’ve learned to combine it with digital methods to go faster.) if this isn’t a hurdle for you, congratulations. your process is going to go that much faster, at least for french. (you’ll have to spend hours practicing your written arabic however, if you’re not familiar with the script.) 
now, if you’re a hands-on learner, you need to add an extra hour to your daily time. no matter how fast you write, you will take that time. and you cannot shorthand your way into languages. you need to understand how french is spelt, what accents it uses, that they put a space before exclamation points, question marks, and semicolons. (side tip: learn the IPA. it will be useful to you forever in language learning, at least for the romance languages.) i’m not gonna teach you how to make notes since i’ve never benefitted from copying someone else’s style, so if you don’t have a set method start establishing that. you need regularity and rhythm when you learn a language. my grammar notes look the same regardless of the language. i don’t have my french ones since it’s been years and i didn’t take good ones then anyway, but here’s my japanese and russian stuff. 
JAPANESE NOTES // RUSSIAN NOTES
now, it bears mentioning that these notes are NOT the notes i take when i don’t know shit. these are final level notes. they’re brief, idiosyncratic, and only reminders. something to refer to when i’m revising and suddenly forget a rule. the first notes i make are much more elaborate, whether they’re pretty or not. i’ve gradually lost the fucks i had about really going ham on academics so my russian notes are very messy, but my japanese ones from back in the day are magnificent. here’s a look. during lesson one i realised that japanese and my mother tongue, gujarati, are syntaxically similar as shit, and i started taking notes with references in gujarati. it sped up my learning process 2x while my french classmates were still going “BUT WHY IS IT LIKE THAT”. 
PRACTICAL GRAMMAR // THEORETICAL GRAMMAR
if you plan to learn more languages in the future, this will be so valuable. sometimes a phrase i learn in russian doesn’t make sense in its french explanation, but a phrase in english might use the same logic. bam, put down the translation in english then. you get what i’m saying? the more languages you learn, the easier it gets to learn languages. 
now if you’re a digital learner, i’ve got great news for you. duolingo and anki are your best friends. duolingo’s memed to hell and has a system that might not work for everyone, but they’ll do the brunt work of compiling grammar notes for you in the beginnings/ends of their lessons. note those down and transform them into anki flashcards, and you can learn grammar concepts without doing 20 exercises. (do those exercises if you can, though, nothing beats mindless practice.) now anki is an intimidating-looking but actually super intuitive app that basically builds digital flashcards for you and shows them to you in a rhythm based on your own learning speed. it’ll show you the front of a card, let’s say merde. you say the english translation out loud, shit, and hit enter. correct! was that easy? anki’ll show it to you in 10 minutes. hard? it’ll show you in 1 minute. super easy? merde won’t come up again until tomorrow. eventually you get so good at it that you can bury a card for 2 months. anki will also show you the same cards reversed, which is harder but trains you better. you’ll see shit and have to remember what it’s called in french, which is more difficult than you’d think it is. 
you can use anki for more than just vocab, like i mentioned. it’s a little tricky learning to convert grammar concepts into front/back flashcards, but you can do it. for example, here’s a sample of one of my russian grammar cards: 
Tumblr media
front ^^
Tumblr media
back once i hit enter^^
Tumblr media
see? not that difficult. now don’t be an idiot like me who manually entered every single flashcard into anki. you can find pre-made packages online (but you can’t guarantee they’ll be correct) or you can make your own without killing your fingers. what you wanna do is open up a spreadsheet and make two columns, A for front of the card and B for back. it’ll look like this:
Tumblr media
then you’re gonna save that spreadsheet as a .CVS (comma separated values) and import that into anki. bam, your flashcards are made for you with half the effort. there’s also a script floating around somewhere to make excel translate words automatically for you, but i don’t recommend that unless they’re really easy words. google translate can fuck up. reverso is your friend. 
you need to review your anki cards every day. it’ll take less and less time as you go along. i can review 300 russian cards in 15 minutes now. but you need to keep the rhythm going. download ankiapp and sync your cards, review them on commutes or in the hallway or whatever. trust me, it’s magic. 
apart from this, if a traditional textbook helps, go for that. i’ve always used textbooks and workbooks, more as supports than as principal methods, but it does help. it’s structured and organised and these people know how to train you. bescherelle is a good go-to for french. 
media is always a great way of immersion too, until you get to the country itself. it’ll show you how french people speak french. when i first came to france i didn’t have that experience and even though i spoke an arguably decent amount of french when i got here, it was like, if this is french then what the fuck was i learning in high school. if you like watching movies this is your chance. watch the classics first so that you can get an idea of french pop culture. amélie (though the pop culture aspect here is about shitting on it) and les intouchables, for starters. watch your favourite films, first subbed, then subbed and dubbed, then just dubbed. i watched all ten seasons of friends with french subs, it was wild. with music you want to start off with some indie-ish singers since they will universally sing softer and slower, making things easier to understand than idk, la tribu de dana. (if you’re into bts there’s a hilarious video of their baepsae choreo set to la tribu de dana.) anyway - angèle, cœur de pirate, céline dion, fréro delavega, uhhh that fucking french sufjan stevens. what’s his name. VIANNEY. don’t fucking listen to biglo and oli or like, fatal bazooka right away. you will not understand shit. i barely understand it. white people are wild. ooh listen to stromae. orelsan too, he’s a rapper but he has a relatively clean diction imo. he also sang the french opening for OPM. they call him orelsan-san in japan.
last but not the least: if you have the opportunity to interact in french with people, DO IT. native speakers will do their best to help you and be kind about it. people who learned french might sometimes be assholes from experience. it’s a whole superiority complex thing, and very hypocritical. anyway - online or IRL, wherever you can practice your french, do it. it’ll be immensely helpful. there’s nothing like the frustration of not being able to express simple things to get you motivated to get better. do your best to immerse yourself - changing the language on your devices can make a difference too. 
i think that’s all i have and again, i’m sorry for taking this long to finally deliver, thanks for your patience! if you have any specific questions don’t hesitate to hit me up, on anon or not. 
good luck - it’s not going to be the easiest but nothing is as gratifying as beginning to understand the workings of a language. you’re gonna love it!
19 notes · View notes