#but. am i apart of a group i hate now. are people going to associate me with them even tho im not

[trips2saturn]

TOWL SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!

enough time has passed and i’m impatient so here it is. episode two debriefing! ❤️‍🔥

danai and andy’s chemistry is unparalleled and has never been executed so well before by any other actors. their words, emotions, and energy into bringing these characters to life in such a tender way is something absolutely so enigmatic and goshshfgshdhsn i just love them. i love their dynamic and their power to create such an immaculate foundation that will always be such a memorable piece for all of us as fans of this franchise. 🫶🏼

michonne and nat deserved more time. point blank period. i sobbed violently and had to pause the episode for ten minutes. i loved his dynamic with michonne and how much impact his character had in under 40 minutes of screen time. missing him forever and ever. and not to be an asshole but their relationship is what the dude-bros wanted rick and okafor’s association to be ! tell me i’m wrong.

dana from a group of 40 people with her sister el. yaaaas go girl! she’s a b your honor please believe her!!! she’s totally not a badass powerhouse wife and mother of two who’s experienced more in her life than the crm ever have!!!

it’s FUCK the crm forever actually. CHLORINE GAS? killing the pregnant lady and her boyfriend???? im distraught. the most disgusting group of people to ever exist apart from the saviors. hoping to see their entire base burn to the ground by the end of this series !!!! <3

RICHONNE REUNITING AFTER CHOOSING TO GIVE UP HOPE TO FIND EACH OTHER 😭😭😭 the universe loves them soooo much they’re like this 🤞 when it comes to fate. i am still actively emotional over all of their scenes. they’re sooo in love with each other it hurts. i’m still on cloud nine just from seeing them kiss (and moan omg!) so excuse me. ❤️‍🩹

michonne cradling rick’s face and rick nuzzling into her hands? THAT IS HER BABY POOKIE SUGAR PLUM CRISP. keep them together! they cannot be separated!

jadis can die with all due disrespect. she ruined everything. it’s been her fault since the start. she separated them. she’s the reason that rj doesn’t know his father and only knows of his legendary stories. fuck her. d*e!

rick asking about jude multiple times :((( his baby. bring him home to his kids PLEASE. must’ve been such a shocker to hear him ask about his daughter and not daryl or negan oh no! abused, kidnapped father finds the love of his life and wants to make sure that their daughter is still okay after being away from her for a decade! SHOCKER! WOW. this is shocking news! 🙀

the scenes of michonne and nat having to rebuild their health after the chlorine gas bomb was so heartbreaking but powerful. michonne working out and continuing to push herself by being reminded of her strength, grief, and love. she is so strong and i’m so proud of her. i hate the crm.

“shoto? shoto?” PUNCHING ME IN THE GUT WOULD HURT LESS. meanwhile judith is also trying to reach out but their signal is too far gone for them to do so. 😭 pleaseeee i just need one future scene of them reuniting. michonne loves them so much she is the best mother ever. ❤️‍🩹

okay!!!!! that’s all that i have for now. still collecting my thoughts after this episode but i love my tv parents more than life. so happy to have them back and i can’t wait for the next four episodes!!!!!!!

#trips talks #towl spoilers #the ones who live #the walking dead #rick grimes #richonne #michonne grimes

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

okay, fuck it. let's talk about remorse. more specifically, the lack of it

there was a post going around a while ago that claimed that izaya couldn't possibly have aspd, because he feels remorse, and its simply so subtle that it's hard to pick up on, and he simply hides it to maintain his image. given that this post is a jab at me and my work, i feel no guilt nor will feel remorse over jabbing right back.

(especially since, if you pay attention to the wording of the post and OP themselves, it's clear that they had a... certain other neurodiverse headcanon for izaya, and was for some reason mad at me for having a different one)

(but i digress)

let's talk remorse.

first of all, the "lack of remorse" criterion isn't, as some might be tempted to think, the most important "hallmark" symptom of aspd. let's break down how disorders are diagnosed!

in the DSM, disorder symptoms are classed into criteria. these criteria are sometimes grouped together. here's the criteria list for ASPD in the dsm-5-tr, the most current version;

under group A, we have the standard "this is what the disorder is like, and these are the symptoms of it. you need X amount to have this disorder." the criteria listed in groups B, C, and D are on their own because they are required for diagnosis. if the lack of remorse criterion was truly SO important that it was the hallmark of the disorder, the one symptom that sets it apart from all cluster B disorders, then it would be in its own group like those 3 criterion! but it's not, because while it's the symptom most people associate with aspd, it's not the hallmark of the disorder, nor is it explicitly required for diagnosis.

in fact, the main Thing about aspd is, uh, right there actually- a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others. in layman's terms, aspd is categorized by a consistent behavior pattern of treating other peoples' boundaries, wants, needs, and human rights, as trivial. this overall behavior pattern is then identified by specific actions or feelings the patient has- hence the criteria.

i could end this post here, honestly- who cares if izaya does or doesn't feel remorse? it's not needed for diagnosis, and it's izaya's whole thing to violate the rights of others- he consistently treats people as his playthings, wether or not they want him to (usually not!) he disregards others' feelings (the suicidal girls come to mind wrt this) and is incredibly reckless with both his life and the lives of others. it's kind of a done deal!

but i won't because i have more to say!

so. izaya. remorse. he feels it, but keeps it hidden. he represses it. and honestly, he always has some justification or another for whatevet it is he's doing. his targets had it coming because they're monsters. or stupid and cowardly. or had it coming. or it doesn't matter because he's a god amongst men. BUT- he does feel remorse! ASPD cured!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys i hate to tell you this, but i've felt remorse before. sparingly, but i have. i am a Person With ASPD from Real Life, i've been diagnosed professionally and even had multiple second opinions check and re-check, to the point that it became a running gag. i, without a shadow of a doubt, have antisocial personality disorder. And I Have Felt Remorse.

(my verdict is it sucks and is terrible and i have no idea how you people do it. yall need like, medals or something)

because, as you might have noticed... a lack of feeling remorse isn't actually the only thing listed. now, a lot of websites don't actually list the second half of the criterion, they just say "lack of remorse" with no elaboration. it's hard to find a website with the proper informatiom on it, especially if you haven't read the dsm to see the full criteria list, so you don't know what you're looking for. truly, i don't blame laypeople for not knowing this- it's not easy to find short of going to the source itself

but if you're writing long posts filled with "facts" about a disorder that you do not have, you better make damn sure your facts are right lest you spread misinformation.

(hell, i HAVE the damn thing and i make sure i'm as accurate as possible, because i acknowledge that Having The Disorder isn't a ticket to immidiate expertise. but imo it's especially egrigious when you don't have it)

but, the criterion itself is defined as "being indifferent to or rationalizing" harmful actions. Or Rationalizing. you can feel remorse as much as you want, but if you stomp it down with justifications about how you were right, it still counts!

and finally, the name of the game with diagnosis of any disorder is consistency. if someone can make their abuser cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's not aspd. that's just a special case. if someone can make anybody cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's aspd.

similarly, if someone can make most people cry because of them and feel no remorse, with one- or maybe two- exceptions, that's... still aspd. because the behavior expressed most consistently is a lack of remorse. one or two exceptions to the rule don't suddenly make you not have aspd, especially if you have multiple other symptoms. (in fact, in some aspd circles people do talk about having "exceptions," kind of like the aspd version of a pwBPD's favorite person. pwaspd feeling remorse or otherwise not meeting criteria in incredibly specific circumstances is in fact a documented phenominon. once again, this happened to me and i've been diagnosed multiple times over. were all those doctors wrong, or does aspd just not work like you thought it did?)

izaya consistently represses most of his more vunerable feelings. that's another one of his main things. if remorse is included in this, which it would be given the pattern, then izaya most consistently does not feel (or otherwise accept) remorse. a few slips of the mask here and there, where he can't stomp it down or ignore it, don't change that the most consistent behavior from him is a lack of remorse. in fact, him feeling remorse here and there makes the portrayal of aspd more realistic, imo-

people with aspd are still people at the end of the day, and aspd is just another mental illness. people are varied, mental illnesses present differently in everyone, and people have good days and bad days where symptoms are more or less pronounced. any symptom isn't going to be set in stone in severity or even presence in someone's life- severity of disorder changes with age, someone's circumstances, or even day-to-day, especially with cluster B disorders, where the people who have it are defined as being "dramatic, emotional, or erratic" (pg 735)

things change. people change. mental illness isn't as simple as people think, and aspd isn't as different from other illnesses as you'd think. people with it- including izaya- will have their good days and their bad days and their rare moments where something breaks through the clouds and for one moment, you feel normal, however distressing the feeling may be

that's not proof that the illness was never there. that's just life with it!

#durarara #izaya orihara #orihara izaya #the moral of the story is; don't vauge me just bc you headcanon an Anime Boy with autism and are butthurt that i have a different take #and more facts backing me up. oops did i say that out loud o me o my #waposts #please please please be FUCKING normal on this post im begging you. im at my wits end #i do not care if you are a criminology student studying at the aspid crushing factory. ask yourself this- #WHY DOES IT MATTERRRRRR this is all over a Head Canon why is it so bad that i headcanon izaya with aspd #that you feel the need to like. defend his honor or something #anyway yeah. im gonna go eat dinner im hingry

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as sour

...so i said i'd finish my work before posting another but i couldn't help it I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH. thanks for reading, y'all!

ni-ki as brutal

"they'd all be so disappointed, 'cause who am i if not exploited?"

some maknaes give me such unmistakable teenage angst energy (as i showed by choosing hueningkai for jealousy, jealousy)

&& ni-ki is not an exception imo!! he's also actually seventeen i kinda had to ✋

anyway yeah ni-ki's life is great in some ways but it also sucks in other ways, just like olivia depicts in the song

like yeah he's in a big k-pop group but also he's been through so much 🤧. this obviously does not mean that he's in any hurry to grow up, but y'all get my point (i hope)

sunghoon as 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"which lover will i get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?"

sunghoon is not the type to stay with you if he doesn't like you

but in this case, he's conflicted. (ultimately, he does not like you enough to not toy with your feelings, but alas...)

&& yeah, he might regret it soon after acting cold, but that doesn't matter because he'll act nice but do it again & possibly repeat until the end of the relationship

oh god, heartbreaker sunghoon, y'all!! it's a concept!! that i live by!! (i'm not okay.)

sunoo as deja vu

"a different girl now, but there's nothing new, i know you get déjà vu"

sunoo would totally do the same activities with multiple partners 😭

he wouldn't think it's a big deal though?? he'd associate the things with good times, not people

it would suck but there's not much you can do about it

on the CONTRARY...he'd probably be pissed about you doing the same stuff with other people

especially if the break-up was on you

he'd complain to his friends about it & they'd be on his side in either situation (so would i, sorry y'all)

heeseung as enough for you

"don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?"

this scenario is a real tragedy to imagine so i'm sorry about that 😭

just as with any relationship, if you were with heeseung, he would have to love you just as much as you do him.

&& if a relationship with him fell apart it would feel particularly bitter because there would be little warning signs along the way that you didn't think were a big deal

like the whole line about him not complimenting her makeup ✋🙄 (come on bro,, it's not that hard!!)

the real tragedy is that he didn't want more from you...he just didn't want you

anyways 🤠 like she said!! you'll find someone who does find you exciting :)

jake as happier

"i hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me"

it would be so hard to hate jake after a break-up 😭 especially if he was kind about it & took your feelings into account

even more so if it's been a while since the two of you called it quits & you should have moved on but you haven't

because tbh who would be able to?

&& seeing him with someone else would leave you conflicted because how could you possibly be upset with him? or his new partner?

so you'd kind of have to suck it up :( & hope he isn't as happy as he was with you :(

jay as favorite crime

"know that i loved you so bad, i let you treat me like that"

so this song is about partially blaming yourself after a heartbreak, because you "let" them treat you like that

getting dumped by this man would be so devastating

again, it would be slow -- even if you tried your hardest to hold on because you wanted him so badly, he would end up letting go in the end

it's such a horrible feeling. i don't wish it upon anyone.

anyways...before you know it 🚨 wee-ooo wee-ooo 🚨! ur heart is broken! 💔🚔 (sorry i just felt compelled to do that idk)

jungwon as hope ur ok

"somehow we fell out of touch, hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush"

as i said in my txt post, this album only has 11 songs, so this one is also assigned to soobin

&& tbh i have a pretty similar reason for choosing it but i think jungwon would be the one thinking about his old friends & acquaintances (rather than his friends thinking of him, which i said for soobin)

he seems to have a really kind heart, & the reason he's the leader of enhypen is because he's so caring

oh wow 🤧 got myself in my feels about him thinking of his i-land buddies 🤧 i'm gonna go now

txt version ☆ emails i can't send version ☆ masterlist

#hoes4hoseok #enhypen #olivia rodrigo #kpop imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen reactions #ni ki #nishimura riki #jungwon #yang jungwon #sunoo #kim sunoo #sunghoon #park sunghoon #jake enhypen #jake sim #jay enhypen #park jongseong #heeseung #lee heeseung #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader

[pasteloctoz]

INFO DUMPING ABOUT MERFOLK!REDACTED

Its 5 am and im avoiding Solaire clan mafia duties help

These are a bit repetitive and all over the place have mercy. lol

● Lasko has those glasses chains that only grandmas have. Its made outta seaglass and pearls cause he's gotta look classy.

○ Bonus if his listener gave it to him and hand beaded it.

● Freelancer is diagnosed with thalassophobia. (The fear of the ocean specifically).

● Humanborns are inherently shifters.

● Other shifters can either have humanborn parents or it just runs in the family.

● Sirens are the d(a)emon stand ins

● There is a ocean Aria! It's deeper than any normal merfolk can go but sirens have a higher pressure tolerance (like blobfish) so thats why they can live down there.

○ They use magic and wards to mask it, as well as most sirens just using a rift to get to the surface.

○ Imagine humans finally having the ability to explore the Mariana trench and are met with magic that makes em forget it.

● Empathy sirens don't come up to the surface a lot but when they do they usually cloak themselves.

● Different sirens sing different songs that inflict different emotions on humans.

○ They do shift into a human form (Gavin doesn't cause his whole "I'm not shifting for others" thing ofc)

● Idk much abt Aria (I tuned out during Gav's ramblings) but the Chorus for this world's Aria is made up of siren royalty.

● Hux is not a shifter, Damien, Lasko, and FL are shifters, Gavin and Caelum are Sirens.

○ Hux is a whale shark merfolk. Damien is some kinda wierd serpenty water snek shifter. Lasko is a goofy lil' Jellyfish shifter.

○ Lasko shocks people when he gets nervous (on accident ofc)

● All of the Shaw pack are dogfish shark shifters.

○ The unempowered mates aren't buuut SH is an octopus shifter bc camoflage!!!

● Freelancers in this world can turn into any kind of merfolk they want. It would take a big tole on them, though.

○ Freelancers cannot shift into any merfolk with extra special powers. So no sirens, squids, or whales.

●Whale merfolk can get bigger and smaller depending on what they need.

● Unless previously empowered, vampires are now squid shifters.

○ They are the only ones that have the power to turn anyone into a squid shifter. (It does bring em back once they die.)

● Lovely is an eel shifter ofc (once they get turned they can shift into a vampire squid too)

● Sam can shift into anything ofc, but once he gets turned theres a new one added to that pile. It takes even more of a tole on him to shift too much in one day now though.

● Clans and packs are wierd now

○ Theres also schools... So schools of merfolk are just normal ranking citizen groups. Typically they don't have humaborns, but are fine with normal shifters.

○ Packs are above that, and are made up of any species of shark. Sharks can go off on their own, but are expected to join/make a pack at one point in their life.

○ Clans are the highest ranking, and consist of any kinds of merfolk as long as they are squid shifters. It is fairly uncommon for squid shifters to not be apart of a clan. Infact, its required by the department for every squid shifter to be associated with a clan.

● The inversion was easy to cover up since it happened underwater.

● Siren's songs have varying effects depending on what you are.

○ Full effect on humans

○ Half effect on shifters

○ Zero effect on merfolk

● The Gavin and Vega fight was done underwater while FL brought Caelum to safety on land.

○ Vega is 100% more used to being on land than Gavin so it wasn't really safety but uh- whatever-

● FL prefers to be with their friends because they still live with their parents. Thing is, they hate swimming in the ocean.

○ To try and fix that, Hux started helping them learn to swim in the little cave that they met Gav in.

○ Took almost half a year for FL to finally gain the confidence to go out into the ocean. They loved and hated it at the same time. But they still wouldn't go any deeper than the reef.

● Lasko and FL taught Damien how to shift and showed him around the land.

● Gavin finally got to spend some actual time with FL when they started going down further to ocean dahlia.

○ Lets just say things got spicy...

● The new wierd abandoned carnival place is a beach that is closed of for safety.

● Sam lives underwater bit away from underwater dahlia.

● Tank moved into underwater dahlia when they came back from Washington.

● Asher and David live on land.

● Milo lives on land but moves into underwater dahlia when he meets SH.

● Vincent lives underwater but moves on land when he meets lovely.

○ After lovely is turned they move underwater.

Thats it! Started this hc list daaaays ago so ig here lol. Alot of it was repeating from a previous post. Shawpack and Solaire clan stories would be pretty much the same but I had to write a bit more abt the damn fam to get my thoughts straight. If you guys have any hcs for any of the other series (if they weren't mentioned here I haven't listened to them) pls tell me! Anyways have a great day! Bye ^^.

#redactedverse #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted headcanons #redacted freelancer #redacted gavin #redacted huxley #redacted lasko #redacted lasko listener #redacted caelum #redacted damien #redacted damn crew #redacted sam #redacted tank #redacted darlin #redacted vincent #redacted lovely #redacted solaire clan #redacted david #redacted angel #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #redacted asher #redacted baaabe #redacted shaw pack #☠️ hcs #☠️ shitposts #☠️ brainrot

[headintheclouds-posts]

nct haechan enemies to lovers ? :D tysmm

Of course sweetie, I hope this is ok, its the longest story I have ever written on this app so I hope you like it and please send over anymore asks you can think of.

Starts of pretty angsty, but I promise it becomes fluffy.

Trigger warning - Some face shaming is mentioned in this story. Please note I do not condone this in any way.

You had recently debuted after several years of training with your agency SM, you and the girls in your group were like sisters and people were already praising your vocals and dancing skills online. It honestly felt like a dream come true, you were so lucky to have such an amazing group to be apart of, and also the other idols in SM had always been extremely supportive and gave the best advice.

Today your group was having an interview for a segment on a pretty well known show and none of you could contain your excitement. 'What if I say something stupid?' one of the girls said, panicking at the thought of the exposure you were all about to get. 'Don't worry, everything will be fine, just take a deep breath before answering each question' you responded trying to console her. To be completely honest, you were also extremely nervous but as the leader, your job was to make sure the group felt comfortable in any settings. 'If any difficult questions are asked, I will answer them' you smiled patting the girls back. 'Thanks Unnie' she responded clasping your hand in hers.

'Right ladies, the interviewer is almost here, we should greet them at the front of the building' your manager called out. You all followed him in a line to the foyer of the building and welcomed the news team. You all made small talk whilst walking to the meeting room to conduct the interview. On the way, you passed several well known idols including some members of NCT. They all smiled as they passed as you gave your hello's, that was until you got to Haechan, upon trying to greet him he just sneered and walked away. He had always been like this with you. At the beginning you thought maybe he just had issues with a new group but he was always polite and made small talk with the girls, you on the other hand have spent the past 30ish months being ignored, sneered at and having hateful comments made whenever he was around. You had tried to approach him several times trying to find out what you had done wrong but his response was always the same, 'I just don't like you y/n'. It wouldn’t of felt so bad if you didn’t have a small crush on him. 

You tried to brush off his behaviour as you sat down with the rest of the group for your interview. The lady asking the questions was really nice and made you all feel at ease, and even complimented you all after saying how polite you all were. 'Thank you so much for speaking with me, I will have to head back to the office now as we will be posting the chat on our website later tonight' the interviewer smiled. You all bowed and thanked her. Once she had left, yourself and all the girls slumped to the floor glad it was over. 'Anyone hungry?' you asked as they all nodded their heads in unison. 'Great, let me just nip for a bathroom break and then we can go' you smiled, standing up to excuse yourself.

On your way back to meet the girls for lunch you bump into Haechan. Remembering what happened earlier you grabbed him by the arm. 'What was that about before? you couldn't just pretend to be polite for one minute whilst we were with guests' you questioned. He snatched his arm away from you before giving you an agitated look. 'Don't speak to me y/n, I don't want anyone to think I am associated with you' he snarled before walking off. Even though he has behaved like this many times before, you couldn't help the way your heart sank when he treated you like this. You brushed off how you felt and slapped on a smile to go and meet your group for lunch.

You went and filled up your trays and sat at one of the empty tables chatting amongst yourselves. You noticed Jungwoo and Mark walking over with their trays waving at you. 'Can we sit here' Mark asked. 'Of course' one of your members responded as the guys slid onto the bench. 'Heard you girls just had your first proper interview, does it feel real yet?' Jungwoo asked smiling at you all. 'Not yet' you responded, 'more scary than anything' you nervous laughed. 'Honestly you will get used to it' Mark said before turning his head into a different direction. 'Yo Haechan, there's some space here' he shouted across the canteen. You all turned your heads to look in Haechans direction. His face dropped when he saw you and he rolled his eyes. 'I'd rather not'' he spat before walking off with his tray. Both Jungwoo and Mark looked at you and tried to brush it off. 'What's his problem' one of the girls in the group snapped. 'Just ignore him' Mark says, 'Yeah he can be like that sometimes' Jungwoo nodded after seeing the sadness in your face. After lunch the girls decided to go back to the dorms to rest, you on the other hand decided to get your head around the choreography for your new song.

You don't even know how long you had been practicing before you decided to go and get some water. There was a machine just down the corridor from your practice room so you punched in the numbers and waited for your bottle to come out. You realised the interview would of probably been posted by now so you fished your phone out of your pocket and brought up the website. A big smile spread across your face looking at the lovely story written up by the interviewer. You continued scrolling to your phone as your saw the comment section was heaving with messages. The first few were pretty nice but then your stomach dropped.

"Is that the leader?? Ew she is not pretty at all"

"I don't know why they're debuting ugly idols now, let alone making one the leader"

"One thing is for sure, the leader will not be my bias"

In the midst of all the lovely and supportive comments, these comments stood out, causing tears to prick in the corner of your eyes. You look up from your phone in shock, not being able to comprehend how cruel some people were being. You hear footsteps and look to see Haechan walking down the corridor towards you. Without getting your water bottle you run to your practice room not wanting him to see you cry, he would only make things worse. Once you’re in the room you sit against the wall as a steady stream of tears fall from your eyes. Why me, you thought, you did your best to be a nice and kind, you always looked out for other people and put them before you, why do people have to be so cruel?. Next thing you hear is the practice door room slam open, causing you to jump from the sound. You look up to see Haechan in the doorway with a strange look on his face. You use your jumper to quickly wipe the tears from your eyes and continue to sit on the floor, not bothering to get up and face more mean comments.

You hear Haechan’s footsteps get closer to you he calls out your name. You look up through your tear collected eyelashes to see him knelt in front of you. ‘Wow, you’re kind of an ugly crier you know’ he says with a smirk on his face. ‘Why don’t you piss off Haechan, I am not in the mood’ you shot back. He proceeded to ignore you and sat across from you with his legs stretched out. ‘I told you to leave Haechan’ you said giving him a stern look. ‘You really think I would miss this’ he sniggered. You couldn’t hold it in anymore, you were angry and upset and tired, so tired of how people had been treating you. ‘Get out’ you half shouted getting to your feet. ‘I am sick of this, sick of people treating me like dirt for their own amusement, I never did anything to you and yet you continue to make my life a living hell, I can’t do this anymore’ and with that you turn on your heel to leave. Before you can go any further a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back. You find yourself wrapped up in the arms of your enemy, nose pressed against his chest whilst his arms have found their way around you. The tears start up again with this sign of comfort and you let yourself go in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably into his t-shirt. You half expect him to push you away and laugh at you or tell you this is some sort of prank, but instead he uses one hand to rub circles into your back whilst the other holds you close. You don’t know how long you were like this before you came to your senses and pulled away. ‘Haechan if this is some sort of joke then its not funny’. ‘Does it look like I am laughing?’ he questions back cocking his eyebrow. You really couldn’t read him, for the last several years he has been nothing but uninviting to you, why now did he want to console you? ‘You forgot this by the way’ he says picking up the bottle of water that was on the floor and handing it to you. ‘Oh right, thank you’ you respond taking the bottle from him. ‘So were the comments that bad?’ he asks you, ‘how did you know it was about the online comments?’ you say. ‘I saw the reporter come in with you this morning and I am just putting two and two together’ he shrugs. ‘Same thing happened when we were rookies too’ he says nonchalantly.  ‘Really?’ you asked looking up at him. ‘Yeah, you kinda get over it, they are nothing but trolls so I just try to ignore them, you should too’. Still shocked at how kind he is being, you thank him again and let out a small laugh. ‘What are you laughing at?’ he questions tilting his head to the side. ‘I just never thought we would have a normal conversation without arguing’ you respond. ‘You never did tell me why you hate me?’ you ask him wondering what his answer will be. ‘I never said I hated you y/n, have you ever stopped to think that it might be something else’ he says taking a step towards you. ‘What? what else could it be other than hate’ you say to him as your voice raises up an octave. At this point you can see him start to get a little angry as well, ‘maybe, just maybe its because you’re rude y/n’ he shouts back. ‘Rude, RUDE, when have I ever been rude to you, I have always tried to be nice, even when you made me feel terrible’ you shout, as you go on your tiptoes to look slightly more intimidating than you feel. ‘You’re the rudest person I have ever met, did you think I wanted to fall in love, did you think I ever wanted to feel this way’ he is basically screaming at you right now. ‘I just wanted an easy life and you just waltz in and flip my world upside down. You go about your day happy with not a care in the world whilst I am suffering, suffering because you stole my heart and there is nothing I can do about it, so I would say that’s pretty rude of you’. Silence then fills the air as you both stare at each other, you don’t know what to think, or even feel other than shock. ‘You...you love me?’ you managed to splutter out after what felt like several minutes of silence. ‘You know what y/n, forget I said anything’ he says turning to walk away, but this time it was his turn to be grabbed by the wrist as you pull him back towards you. ‘Say it again’ you ask looking up into his chocolate eyes. ‘I love you y/n, I have from the moment you were introduced to us and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since’ and with that you close any space between you and put your hands on either side of his face, ‘I am going to be rude again and ask for a kiss if that’s ok?’ you whisper to which he nods in response. He pulls you up into his arms as your lips connect into the most euphoric kiss. You feel as though your soul has left your body and time stands still. His lips are so soft and warm against yours. The only way you could describe it was like coming home. It was perfect. Once you break away he rubs his nose against yours, ‘sorry for my behaviour over the past few years, I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings’ . ‘Its fine, but from now on you have to be nice to me if I am going to be your girlfriend’ you say kissing the tip of his nose. ‘Girlfriend?’ he questions with a laugh causing your bottom lip to pout out. ‘I am only joking, you’re more than my girlfriend, after feeling the way I have for all these years I am pretty sure you’re my soulmate’ he says peppering butterfly kisses to your face. ‘Come on, how about I treat you to a meal and we forget about those online trolls’ he says smiling. ‘Already forgotten’ you respond whilst grabbing your things to leave. ‘So like what do we do know, hold hands or something?’ he says awkwardly. ‘Come on’ you giggle grabbing his hand and walking to the exit. Though the day had many twists and turns, it ended in the most perfect way ever, your enemy finally became your lover and you couldn't be happier.

Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes on this one. It’s been a busy day :) feel free to send over anymore requests <3

#kpop boys #kpop #kpop angst #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #nct #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct 127 #haechan imagines #haechan scenarios #nct angst #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 fluff #nct dream #nct haechan imagines #nct haechan scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff

[floweryrkive]

honestly, i think cancelling yunjin is so stupid. it's one cup of starbucks.. and buying/drinking starbucks or mcdonalds or anything does not necessarily mean that the person who bought it supports israel. You call her ignorant when ur literally cancelling people over food and other stupid stuff."oh but they support israel!" let me ask you something, is boycotting actually doing something? Theres little evidence on how boycotting has affected anything, and the only thing thats happening is annoying people. I feel bad for the people, and i dont support israel, but its so fucking annoying seeing this happen. Grow up. ive literally seen ppl who supported palestine start hating this whole thing bc of the countless petty and annoying things.

i was thinking about whether i should answer this or delete this because i knew there was going to be someone who would say this exact stuff at one point after i would say i won't be writing for yunjin for now.

let's break it down :

I am NOT cancelling her, nor have i mentioned anywhere that she should be cancelled ( i think cancel culture is a whole lot of toxicity which is another topic) I am merely disappointed in her actions because she has faced this situation before and tell me one thing, if she had faced this same thing before and that time she responded accordingly ( which was deleting the post and apologising actually) would she not know how this would affect her/look abt her viewpoints? Also the fact that Jake from Enhypen ( her co-worker mind you.) apologised immediately after being called out for consuming st@rbucks on live is saying a lot too isn't it?

One starbucks...i can't even think of how stupid this statement is. She's a CELEBRITY. Her influence matters! Why do you think they do advertisements and shit with them?!

It's not just food! It's multinational companies directly funding these terrorist groups that commit genocides! st@rbucks and mcdon@lds are apart of these MNCS! And before you come and say the SK starbucks is not associated with the American one, they are still paying for using the brand name.

No one's claiming she's a zi0nist, but considering the fact that there's literally a hybe boycott going on rn due to them working with 🛵( a very raging zion!st who has literal proof of his support of isr@el as well as messaging pro-palestine armys is very telling) her still buying is obviously going to be showing a lot about her ignorance ???

and don't get me started on boycotting not working because if you lookup on twitter there's enough proof that these companies are pulling strings to literally gain sales that are dropping drastically!

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the main issue comes when this is turned into a fuckass fanwar instead of simply calling these idols out for consuming these products. stop defending her actions when clearly she is aware of everything going on ( she's literally the most online member in lesserafim, she has a coworker who apologised for consuming st@rbucks, there's trucks that are in front of that damn hybe building to urge them to stop working with 🛵) and the people you're talking abt hating this thing are hating it because fans like you are being so tone deaf and blindly defending these idols, turning this into fanwars!

all you had to do was search abt this instead of blindly accepting her actions but instead you choose to come into my inbox telling me to grow up.

i don't mean any malice or hate towards you, but please, look into why exactly people are calling her out, don't lose your moral sense over this. i hope you are able to see the issue soon enough. have a good day.

#[ mail 📬 ! ] #i knew this would happen #i don't care if you don't support this stance #feel free to block/unfollow #but i just have one thing to tell you #don't lose your morals #not buying is so easy #you're literally saving money #just yeah #that's all #thank you

[dsmpkincalls]

(tw abuse)

hi i'm c!tommy kin here to seek canonmates! specifically sapnap and quackity and sam but also probably other people if you feel like it. i have found dream and he does not know i am doing this and that is funny. also i'm 18 so please be over 15 and under 25

in this tl i broke dream out of prison after wilbur's revival because i felt like no one cared about me and dream sent me letters via enderboo convincing me. me and him then lived in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and uhh it went about as well as you'd expect. occasionally we got visited by sapnap or george and sometimes groups of people (usually led by quackity) would show up trying to separate me from dream or just straight up kill him

also my discord is birdcages and butterflies#0420

-- random details (these are not organised) --

tubbo pretty much cut contact with me because being associated with me put his family at risk, quackity was busy with las nevadas, sam was pretty much my adoptive father and i had a room in his base but after what he said after wilbur's revival i stopped talking to him

knowing sam he probably blamed himself for me breaking dream out of prison and then getting stuck in a house with him

sapnap and dream were like in love i think. they definitely fell out around the time of the exile confrontation and sapnap went off with the fiances but he returned to dream eventually presumably because that fell apart. i also hated him like a child hates their new step parent they didn't want, despite sapnap being nothing but kind to me

george never really stopped being dream's friend but also he was evil so that makes sense. he was mean to me and tried to get me in trouble with dream for shits and giggles

sometimes dream took me to go visit the main smp but it was definitely mainly to gloat and make people feel bad about the situation i was now in

quackity was determined to get me away from dream – probably motivated by our previous friendship, experience from being abused by schlatt and knowing how awful it is and/or hating dream and knowing he cared about me in one way or another

also one time a group of people forcibly dragged me away and back to sam's base where i literally tried to kill quackity to escape

i literally have no idea where wilbur was or what was going on i do not remember him it's really strange

everyone definitely had lives outside of this it's just my memory is limited by being stuck in a house in the middle of nowhere so please do fill me in on your lives while i was gone

birdcages and butterflies#0420

#dsmpkin #dsmp kin #dreamsmpkin #dreamsmp kin #dream smp kin #mcytkin #mcyt kin #tommyinnit kin #dream smp kin call #srry this took ages to get to but hee hoo funny number - Mod tubbo

[sundaysstrawberrykombucha]

something for me. More info under the break.

So recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm a plural system. I'm still trying to figure out what that means, but I'm definitely not alone in my head, and I honestly love it, and all of the alters that have shown up.

A plural system, or system, or someone who is plural, is someone who has some form of Dis-associative Identity Disorder (DID)... I think... I haven't done much looking up, but it seems to be a common thing. To call it a "disorder" though seems a bit of a stretch, as it's literally just me and a bunch of other people who have introduced themselves in my head. I seem to have started following a lot of systems here on Tumblr, though, so I actually don't feel too out of place. Plus, this is kind of my space anyway, so whatever. I, as in Sunday, am definitely the host, but a lot of other alters have been showing up since I've made this conclusion. So I kind of wanted to get a little bit of an idea of drawing them tonight. Filling yet another sketch page, I kind of want to introduce all of them. There are 5 in all.

----

First, and foremost, one of my best friends, Belle. She's a skunk, my favorite animal, and one *might* say she was the absolute first alter I had, the strangest thing, though is that we're not sure she's actually an alter. She's definitely her own person, but she doesn't really act LIKE what I've seen others describe as an alter? But I'm not sure. She is VERY bad at fronting, to a point where she just doesn't do it, and instead decides to actually try to physically be in the space we're occupying, rather then stay in a headspace that we share. She does still SHARE that headspace as well, when she's not physically manifesting herself. She was also made, like, *I* made her, she didn't introduce herself, but was more a creation of my own making after dealing with being alone for so long (nearly a year of working nightshift right after highschool.) She never wears a shirt, but has a huge mantle-like mane that covers her torso pretty well.

Belle was a little jealous of the other alters that started showing up pretty rapid fire here in the last few months. She's cooled a bit now, but being an only child for over 15 years, it was a bit of an adjustment.

----

Second, Houmigi. She's nearly inactive all the time, but will show up to say something snarky every now and then. She has major social anxiety, though, so we allow her to keep to herself and only come out when she wants to. That being said, she was the first one to front other then myself, and it was completely by accident. Interestingly, she was a D&D character at first. An Elf rogue. After a bit of a falling out with a friend in that group, though, and subsequently having to leave the game, she didn't want to go, so we gave her some headspace to continue being. She's traded in her adventuring gear for oversized hoodies and sweatpants.

----

Fae... She was the first alter that showed up AFTER I admitted to myself that I was plural. I literally started cleaning out a box that had been sitting since I moved in, and she just slid in on her bar of soap exclaiming that we're finally getting some cleaning done! She is ALL about cleaning, and has helped me clean my apartment a bit (though is currently a little mad that I haven't done any cleaning recently.... I should get on that because...) She once took over as the front when I kept saying I was going to get some cleaning done, after one more thing... A few more things in a row... So I try to keep up with a little bit of cleaning now on the daily to make sure we're cool. Otherwise she's an absolute gem! Also, SORRY FAE, I didn't mean for the phone to cut you off so badly! I'll do better next time.

----

Work and Play. These two come in a bundle, but Play came first, and a week later then there was work. Play literally only wants to do one thing, and that's play. Have fun, enjoy life, do things, and find things that bring joy. She hates work and will often complain while I'm AT work , and up until recently, I had no idea who that was, or why I would always think/hear someone in my head crying/complaining/having a tantrum while I was at work. She tends to present herself as a fairly young child, but has often reminded me over and over that she's all about the embodiment of fun and play, and that she's as old as I am and thus can understand entertainment for both adults and kids.

Work, on the other hand, is A: focused on work, and often can been seen typing on a computer that's plugged into an old CRT Monitor. Don't know why it's such an old computer, but that's how he's presented himself. He's also B: The only male alter in my head right now. Until he showed up, I'd often get thoughts and hear the words "What's the plan." A nagging phrase that would be said over and over, so it's nice to have a body to the voice. Both Work and Play have been here for a while. Often I had heard their voices and felt their feelings, but didn't have anyone to associate them with and often wondered who was doing this, because it never felt like me when those feelings showed up. I'm so glad that they've introduced themselves now, and Work has even helped try to keep me focused on tasks that I would otherwise have a hard time focusing on! ----

Anyway, I absolutely LOVE all of them, and I am highly fascinated by the entire experience in general. I LOVE how the human mind comes up with so many different ways to deal/cope/process stress and other factors, and the fact that this is all something that's happening in my head allows me to not only study it a little up close, but even live it. I've always had a fascination, in general, with these kinds of disorders, so really I'm kinda happy that this is a thing that I'm going through, and it also helps with any depression I have from being alone because... In all honesty... It's like there are up to five others with me to talk to and just hang out with at all times! Anyway, sorry for the long, wall of information text. I just wanted to get that out.

#Plural #system #aboutme #Belle #Houmigi #Fae #Work #Play #There may be many more #They just haven't made themselves known yet

[alternateanonymous]

lol, why do i have to wait? 6:48 pm

why do i have to wait to get respect and the time i want from you. Everytime you don't text me back or when you go tyo hang out with someone else when you are hanging out with me i make an excuse that its ok beause one day when we are married you will give me that respect and time. But i don't wanna wait for that and i shouldn't have to. I don't like ethan, i don't respect him anymore and im sorry but my viewpoint of all of those people in that group was severely altered recently so i would appreciate it if you didn't talk about them to me and expect me to agree or be ok with it. I wil be civil because frankly i don't care enough to put up a huge issue about them because they are no longer worth my time and I know that they just go around dissiing my name. Look at that, another member in the maggie gardner hate club lol. I don't give a fuck tho, lots of people have shit like that about them and unforunatley those people happen to be in mine. So please, I am trying to put myself together and find peace and i am doing my best to understand myself but please try youre best not to get in my way. You can be their to help me, and you have been immensly. but please don't get in my way, only be their to witness and help cultivate my growth. Yes i am still annoyed at them and there are a lot of things about you that I want to discuss but i don't have the energy to do so right now and you have to respect that like how i had to respect you when you left me. So thanks. , Magz. 6:54 pm

This one if for you, you piece of shit. You are a retared idiot and i am happy you "cut me off" because you are a peice of shit. You are not a true friend and you never were, you are exactly what a fake friend is. You a low self entitled peice of shit and i hope you stay in student debt. I hope one day you realize what you've messed up on, but for now i know you'll diss me till you die. and like a man, you will never admit it to my face because of your massive ego. You were fun, i'll give you thaty. you really were, you were nice and cool and fun untiil you weren't qand now i have no respect for you. I understand thaty peope mess up and do bad things, and i have done my good share of things that are bad that i don't mean to do but you are different because you did those things willingly. You obviously didn't think it was fucked up, because everyone thinks their right in their own mind. But i don't like the perspective you have. I don't want closure from youm, to be honest i just want to fuilly get rid of you from my life and mind and I understand that takes time. So go be cocky, i don't care anymore. IO am realizeing who i am and what i stand for and what I don't like is that you are just a struggling insecure man. Love you too, stay broke king,

this one is for you, i don't really give a shit about you. you are a bystander and I don't like that. Bystanders do just as much lol. You have a lot of issues and are a man and have to be stoic and not show your emotiohns so sure i guess i understand. but i'm fine to be civil with you, but no matter what happens or how much time has passed their will always be a bad taste in my mouth when i hear your name. Nothing against you personally, but also everything against you.. Stay tunnel visioned king.

This one is for you. You're a piece of shit. You're not smart or coordinated enough to be a psychopath but youre to active to be a sociopath. So what you are is a.....OMGGG YOU'RE A NARCISSIST. that's what you are. damn, I've figured it out lol. you're a narcissist. Nothing wrong with that, you do you and if people want to help you weave your web, power to them, i just don't want to be apart of that. It is toxic for me and i don;'t want to associate with that. You were cool, you were fun until you weren't. I really thought you were cool and i gave you the benefit of the doubt for a very long time until you changed. I feel partially responsible for your downfall, but at the end of the day I trusted you to take care of you and you didn't lol. So yea, maybe I was someone who aided in your new found retartedness but i am not one to soley blame. I blame you, and only you.

[macverse]

Denim & Mistletoe Desires

---

JC and Justin have been separated for far too long during the pandemic. With the world slowly falling back to what can be considered normal, it's the holiday season and they finally are able to be with each other again.

---

I know you like it

I know you like it it it

I know you like it

I know youI know you like it it it

When you walk in it’s as if the world slows down around me. Like magic, the sea of people between us parts, and all I see is you. Perfectly dressed as always; black on black with a hint of Christmas red at your breast. You wore your glasses that you hate because I love them and I asked you to wear them. My fine ass man that I haven’t seen in over a year because of the pandemic. 

We didn't need to stay apart but it was the best choice. When your dad injured his back for the second time this year and unfortunately needed surgery to help recover it was clear that you were the best person out of your siblings to make the sacrifice and go all the way to Florida to help your mom out. Although we knew we’d miss each other we ultimately decided that you’d stay put with family after your father recovered rather than risk contact trying to get back to each other. Trains were just as risky if not riskier than planes and I didn't want to ask you to drive the 42 hours between us. As the days turned to months then turned to years the 2,780 miles between you and me felt further and further away but finally tonight my eyes can behold you without the guise of a computer screen between us.

Don't know why, but girl, I'm feeling close to you

Maybe is this ocean view, I'm so emotional

And all these stars been dancing on my head

Too long, too long, too long

You haven’t seen me yet as you are greeted by the people you know closest to the door. I’m all the way across the room but I can still enjoy watching you from here. Almost everyone knows you; by association or by fame. The ones you worked with that beautiful year you spared to work with me greet you with surprise and exclamations. Mike from accounting who you used to talk about traveling with. Leslie, whose position you had temporally filled after she left to get married, hugged, and kissed you around her baby bump. It's been so long since anyone has seen anyone and everyone is a sight for sore eyes this year at the company holiday party. 

David, the one who you trained to replace you, hugs you warmly and his now almost three-year-old toddler grabs on to you with joy from his fathers’ arms although he’s never met you. This does give me a chance to see you in the rare but beautiful element of you with a child. Although you've told me time and time again that you never wanted to be a father it’s always been clear that you are the best with children. Even my son, now our son cracked through your iron-clad door to parenthood. A soft smile finds my lips as my heart warms to see you take the toddler in your arms with a soft toss in the air and hug him sweetly to your body. His giggles are like music even from where I’m standing and many heads turn to see the happy child.

I wrote a song for you, I wanna sing to you

But every time I'm close to you

The words wanna come out, but I forget

It's so strong, it's so strong, it's so strong

Moving closer to where you are I am stopped by Marcella and Johan. I lose sight of you as I stop to speak with them, passing along holiday wishes and hopes for the new year but the chimes of your laugh reach my ears through the cacophony of the largest group anyone has been comfortable to be around in a while. Thankfully we’re a small company and we were able to rent out a large space to keep everyone comfortable and stress-free. We’ve had a good year despite the total shift to work from home. Lots of other brands had suffered during the past two years but WilliamRast was thankfully not one of them. Our sales dropped slightly but this year we nearly cracked the hundred million so obviously, we had to celebrate. 

The other people in the group with Marcella and Johan ask me about my year, about our son but my answers come automatically because my mind is only on you. My heartbeat picked up the moment I caught a glance of your now long, gray-streaked hair. Bless your mother for keeping you from dying your gray away and keeping your luscious chestnut lock from getting too long. You look like something out of my dreams as I spy you now closer to me talking to a new group of people. We both gained and lost, and lost some more weight while we quarantined. Not that I could complain before but the return of your perfect strong, sturdy form had me wishing for your return more and more each day. Your back is to me so I take full advantage; eating up just how toned your already beautiful ass has become. 

Didn't I seem like I'm catching something

That's because it's true

I can't deny it, I won't try it

But I think that you know

I look around and everything I see is beautiful

Cause all I see is you

And I can't deny it, and I stand by you

And I won't hide it anymore

I don’t want you to find me too soon. I’m enjoying watching you work the room. Not one to spoil a good show, I excuse myself from the group that had pulled me in under the pretense of needing a refill. Unfortunately, I have to turn my back to you as I head off in the direction of the bar. Our son, now almost seven years old flys by me with his cousins on his tail. He’s been just as excited to finally see you as I have been and had barely wanted to sleep the night prior. 

He's not the only one that aches for you. My hand and lips were hungry to hold and taste you as my eyes were to see you. Each day we've been apart a dull ache has built inside of me that after all this time feels like it's meant to be there. For the first time in so long, it's gone and I almost feel lost without it. With each step away from you, my mind says ‘ turn around’. Accompanied with each heartbeat I hear 'he's just over there’. I'm going against my body's instinct to reclaim my place by your side but as you’d taught me the anticipation is just as sweet as the beholding. You've already been here just a few miles away from our home taking the appropriate time to self-quarantine after traveling back to me. Your last day of quarantine couldn’t have come sooner. 

Our son signaled to me that I was going the wrong way, that you were behind me but I placed a finger on my lips signaling to him to not say that he’d seen me to you. I sealed our silent agreement with a wink as he giggled and continued at high speed towards you. I heard his exclamation of joy as he careened into you. Peeking over my shoulder once I reached the bar I see you crouched down hugging him and gesturing at how tall he’s gotten. You’ve missed almost half a foot of his life all this while. Even from here, I can see the disappointment under the joy on your face. I feel a pang of sadness in my chest but quickly think that you still have at least his full body height more to go and there will be time to make up for the lost six inches.

Soon you're complimenting my nieces on their dresses and I see you twirl the youngest of the two causing the light to play off the sequins on her skirt. She’s pulling your hand, probably saying she wants to dance with you. You expertly swing her up into your arms and glide across the floor in your usual effortless way. We're all a family here and there are many children here tonight but the co-founders’ children are the center of the attention. Many eyes turn your way as you waltz across the dance floor with my business partner and best friend’s youngest to the music softly playing in the room; spinning and dipping her high and low causing her to giggle and the spectators to clap as they look on. 

You're in the best of moods tonight. I'm sure it wouldn't take me long to guess why...

Read the rest of the story on my AO3

#christmas #happy holidays #holidays #xmas #jc chasez #justin timberlake #joshtin #fan fiction #fanfiction #ff #read on ao3 #writers on tumblr #writing #ao3 #ao3 writer #writeblr #song fic #one shot #drabble #slice of life #don't worry the cap fic is coming #i was just feeling kinda down #holiday season and all #happy christmas #and #thank you #as always

[comically-chaos]

I wanted to go into my 30s with the mark of triumph, but I am quickly realizing that this is not going to be the case. I am struggling mentally and trying to take on a lot while also not really accomplishing anything. Congrats to my fucking 20s I guess? A whole decade wasted on trying and failing to meet any of my true goals. I'm feeling deflated and I don't know what my next steps are, my knowledge at this exact moment is wasted, because all of the skills that I have cannot be utilized.

I'm living the last of my days in my twenties with big plans and no future. Between my family, the pandemic, and the paper ceiling I will not achieve anything of importance. Why the pandemic? Because companies realized that they could not only exploit the workforce but ship my entire department overseas where the cost of labor is cheap.

I couldn't face seeing a pink slip so I resigned before my job could be threatened. I regret this daily. I miss my team and I miss the only job where I was taken moderately seriously despite not having my degree.

I've taken the steps to get back into school to do this, but I'm playing the waiting game for the start of school. Even then, it's just the associates degree and most places require the bachelor's degree. The bachelor's degree has two tracks that I'm looking at, one would get me higher in the future that I want (Cyber) but the other path would afford me more jobs in my area (though I'd like to be 100 miles further south)

I bought the fabric patterns to start making clothing because I'm tired of fighting with online shopping regarding clothing, but I don't have ink for the patterns, a functioning sewing machine to do the work, not the fabric to actually do the things.

I left the job that was pushing me to step down because they didn't have the appropriate staff nor training module for the job. If they had approached the topic differently, I would've considered but they didn't. They met with hostility and wouldn't listen to what I had to say. Not a constructive way to approach managing people. Now I'm in a perpetual loop of being rejected and/or IRONICALLY BEING TOO POOR TO GET THE WARDROBE TO LITERALLY DO THE JOB FOR TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WARDROBE CHANGES AGAIN.

I just want to work with numbers and create spreadsheets, and present our successes as a group. I love balancing the lines in contracts and getting the job done while knowing what is 'legal' or not. I miss having a team that I could rely on to get things done even when I wasn't around. I just want things to work out and things are falling apart and there's not a lot that I can do about it. Like I'm stressed and trying not to put that energy out there but it's getting hard to do. The thought of having to dumb myself down just to get a spot somewhere in this world is a hard pill to try to swallow and I hate it.

It's this a new level of masking? Just pretending to know nothing and be the husk of myself. I live too close to the river for jobs outside of the big city and too far away for it to be realistic to get a job in my old area.

Just, I hate everything and everyone. Fuck you paper ceiling, fuck the pandemic collapse, fuck my family, fuck those that don't believe in me.

[theretirementstory]

Bonjour et bienvenue from a cloudy Bar-sur-Aube. The temperature is currently 3c and I am hoping for clearer skies and an increase in the temperature…….. where would we be without hope!

It has been rather cold this week, thank goodness I wasn’t gallivanting. Of course, I still had my daily walks to do and to be honest I didn’t venture far, usually to the bar for a hot drink, some company and then back home as quickly as possible. Goodness knows why, but I have also been snoozing in the chair on an afternoon 🙄.

We have left February behind and March has stormed into our lives. My poem this week is by William Wordsworth, here is the excerpt from “Lines Written in Early Spring”

“Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,

The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;

And ’tis my faith that every flower

Enjoys the air it breathes.”

My primroses have been flowering for a few weeks and the periwinkles are indeed wreathing across the ground.

My “little lady” comes to clean once a week and we enjoy our chats in “franglais”. She loves Inspector Barnaby or as it is known in the UK, Midsomer Murders. She tells me she prefers John Nettles to Neil Dudgeon (I hope it’s not because Dudgeon is a Yorkshire lad!) and gives me lots of info about Nettles (which I may have known in a previous life).

The knitting group met and my new found friend, Claudine, was there this time. It was an enjoyable time and The President of the association (whose wife attends the group) came in about 4.15 to prepare “Le gouter”. Now under the old regime it wasn’t “tidy up time” until 4.30 then we scoffed our gateau and drank our juice and left. I must admit it was a much more relaxed atmosphere starting earlier and during our chat I found out more about the President and his wife, than I have in the previous five years.

The new plumber emailed to ask if he could start the work this coming week, of course, I said yes, if only to get the new siphon fitted and get rid of the stench! He is coming at 8am in the morning 😳, my goodness I will need three or more alarms going off to get me out of bed, washed and dressed before then! I have also been notified by the Town Hall that there will be cuts to water on Monday for work in the system, now I was notified a few weeks ago about this but it didn’t affect me at all, so fingers crossed the same is true now.

Anie is away, staying in a gîte near to Toulouse. It was her nephews wedding yesterday, I hope it was a lovely day for them all.

I am going to the cinema this evening, to see “Emmett Till”, I read the blurb about it and thought it would make a change. I do so enjoy having the cinema in town, it’s so easy to go into alone (a lot of people do) all I hope is I don’t fall asleep (as I usually do 😂).

I finished knitting another two infants hats and two pairs of bootees, I put them together with the other three hats and pair of bootees and took them to the collection point for Turkish and Syrian earthquake victims. The men in the collection point were so appreciative of my small donation. I had missed the first consignment which is currently being delivered but there were other items which had been donated so it looks as if another delivery will take place.

Someone told me that snow is forecast from Tuesday onwards, I am keeping my fingers crossed that that is not the case. Météo is showing rain, now that I can cope with.

My fixed rate for gas ends on 31 March and looking at the new options for fixing 😳, I will wait to see if April brings any lower figures. I also remember an email arriving which said how much it would cost for three months April to July, I need to check the amount for that so that it is a fair comparison. Golly I hate all of this checking, fixing etc why can’t gas be charged to every household at one fair price?

I am preparing a lot of “stuff” to be taken to the decheterie. I won’t get there tomorrow as apart from the plumber arriving, I have an appointment with the dietician. I am hoping against hope that I am very close to my target weight.

I was a little late rising this morning, and surprised myself with what I achieved in an hour. I have meat cooking in the slow-cooker so will have my Sunday Lunch around 2pm, then when I return from the cinema I can make a sandwich and eat my days supply of fruit.

I watched an interesting programme last evening on plastic sandals. Now I remember having plastic sandals as a young girl, they were perfect on sand, you could go in the sea in them, just wonderful. One of the reasons they fell out of favour was because they were classed as “poor peoples footwear” this was true not only in “wealthier European countries” but also in African and Asian countries where they had been particularly popular for dealing with monsoon rains. Although this programme was in French I found it very informative. Plastic sandals are still made, some branded “Medusa” sandals, produced here in France.

Oh yes, spotted in the newspaper this week, the Venise-Simplon-Orient-Express made a stop at Troyes station and rail enthusiasts were quick to admire this bygone luxury. I wish I had known it was going to make an appearance, I could have been one of those admirers.

Now, I really must have a coffee and see to another few jobs.

Jusqu’à semaine prochaine.

#barsuraube #trees #nature #photography #crafts #troyes #orient express

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 317

John 1:4

UNITY OF THE BODY 20 – RACISM IN CHURCH? 3

1Co 1:10 I urge you, my brothers and sisters, FOR THE SAKE OF THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, TO AGREE TO LIVE IN UNITY WITH ONE ANOTHER AND PUT TO REST ANY DIVISION THAT ATTEMPTS TO TEAR YOU APART. BE RESTORED AS ONE UNITED BODY LIVING IN PERFECT HARMONY. Form a consistent choreography among yourselves, HAVING A COMMON PERSPECTIVE WITH SHARED VALUES. TPT

Like it or not, Motivational speakers are setting up factions in the Church. How?

Whenever you teach principles which have no Christ’s life in it, they will breed divisions.

When you say: “separate yourself from those who are not adding to you”; “delete numbers”; “keep company with those who inspire you”; “relate with those that can help you” etc.

One strong reason why the Bible mentioned “isolation” is Sin, not Business.

1Co 5:9-11 I wrote you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people. In no way did I mean the immoral people of this world, or the greedy and swindlers and idolaters, since you would then have to go out of the world. BUT NOW I AM WRITING TO YOU NOT TO ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF A CHRISTIAN WHO IS SEXUALLY IMMORAL, OR GREEDY, OR AN IDOLATER, OR VERBALLY ABUSIVE, OR A DRUNKARD, OR A SWINDLER. DO NOT EVEN EAT WITH SUCH A PERSON. NET

Even with such brothers (obvious sinners), we must yet maintain a connection in hope of their salvation.

2Th 3:14-15 And if any man does not give attention to what we have said in this letter, take note of that man, AND KEEP AWAY FROM HIM, so that he may be shamed. HAVE NO FEELING OF HATE FOR HIM, BUT TAKE HIM IN HAND SERIOUSLY AS A BROTHER. BBE

We must constantly pray for their restoration back into the fold and safety of God’ house.

This implies that intrinsically, nobody is ostracized or left behind.

Our hope and drive for Union and completeness must never die.

Jas 5:19-20 Finally, as members of God’s beloved family, WE MUST GO AFTER THE ONE WHO WANDERS FROM THE TRUTH AND BRING HIM BACK. For the one who restores the sinning believer back to God from the error of his way, GIVES BACK TO HIS SOUL LIFE FROM THE DEAD, and covers over countless sins BY THEIR DEMONSTRATION OF LOVE! TPT

When it comes to business, those “that can’t help you”, not adding to your life”, are simply classified as the “weak”.

Even if they are annoying or irritable sometimes, they need our help and prayers always.

1Co 12:22-24 ON THE CONTRARY, WE CANNOT DO WITHOUT THE PARTS OF THE BODY THAT SEEM TO BE WEAKER; AND THOSE PARTS THAT WE THINK AREN'T WORTH VERY MUCH ARE THE ONES WHICH WE TREAT WITH GREATER CARE; while the parts of the body which don't look very nice are treated with special modesty, which the more beautiful parts do not need. God himself has put the body together in such A WAY AS TO GIVE GREATER HONOR TO THOSE PARTS THAT NEED IT. GNB

Motivationals don’t [emphatically] teach separation from the “world” or worldliness; it’s a topic they avoid, just to emphasize their ultimate goal (Making Money).

But in “pushing” the perceived values that enhance productivity, they deliberately create cliques and isolated groups in the name of focus and dedication.

Jas 2:1 My dear brothers and sisters, fellow believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ—HOW COULD WE SAY THAT WE HAVE FAITH IN HIM AND YET WE FAVOR ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE ABOVE ANOTHER? TPT

Yes, they do make money with some of these principles, but at a great cost to the unity of the body.

Soon, [acknowledged] groups are formed and because many like money, isolated recognition begins and hence bitterness is sown.

The treatments received soon become obvious and contrary to divine teachings.

Jas 2:2-4 For example, two men come to your worship service. One man is wearing gold rings and fine clothes; the other man, who is poor, is wearing shabby clothes. SUPPOSE YOU GIVE SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE MAN WEARING FINE CLOTHES and say to him, "Please have a seat." BUT YOU SAY TO THE POOR MAN, "STAND OVER THERE," OR "SIT ON THE FLOOR AT MY FEET." Aren't you discriminating against people and using a corrupt standard to make judgments? GW

That analogy seems too graphic to be true, right?

I mean, could you believe that in Church, someone would actually tell a poor person to sit on the floor?

Well, it might just be an emphasis of value. It must mean total relegation of persons because they are limited in finances and appearance. Pitiable indeed!

1Jn 3:16-17 This is how we know what real love is: JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE FOR US. SO WE SHOULD GIVE OUR LIVES FOR EACH OTHER AS BROTHERS AND SISTERS. Suppose a believer who is rich enough to have all the necessities of life sees a fellow believer who is poor and does not have even basic needs. WHAT IF THE RICH BELIEVER DOES NOT HELP THE POOR ONE? THEN IT IS CLEAR THAT GOD'S LOVE IS NOT IN THAT PERSON'S HEART. ERV

To make things worse, I heard one of the Motivationals say: “stop giving out of your hard-earned money or savings anyhow to people; you are not father Christmas”.

So, when the poor start looking with hatred at the rich and wish them dead, some say they are jealous.

Do they say “the rich are wicked”?

No!

Racism started in the very early Church. It always starts very subtly; you rarely see it coming.

Act 6:1 Now in those days, when the disciples were growing in number, A COMPLAINT AROSE ON THE PART OF THE GREEK-SPEAKING JEWS AGAINST THE NATIVE HEBRAIC JEWS, BECAUSE THEIR WIDOWS WERE BEING OVERLOOKED IN THE DAILY DISTRIBUTION OF FOOD. NET

The moment you start forming or identifying with certain groups in Church, such as by wealth, Tribe, car owners, classy dress, good diction, common goals, entrepreneurs, CEO etc., you are preparing a war zone.

You can identify with common grounds but never isolate from the body or refer to your group as “special”.

1Co 11:20-22 When you meet together, you don't really celebrate the Lord's Supper. YOU EVEN START EATING BEFORE EVERYONE GETS TO THE MEETING, AND SOME OF YOU GO HUNGRY, WHILE OTHERS GET DRUNK. Don't you have homes where you can eat and drink? Do you hate God's church? Do you want to embarrass people who don't have anything? What can I say to you? I certainly cannot praise you. CEV

I know a Church that started celebrating “Cultural Sunday”.

They dressed in their traditional wears and sang joyfully. Very nice, right?

Then wahala started: time to share food came but sharers were mostly giving food to their own tribes, before considering anyone else.

You know Mr. Flesh na, when food is seen.

May God erase every dividing line within His Church walls, in Jesus name.

Join us on Wednesday for we bring this enlightening subtopic to a close.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Monday, February 20, 2023

08055125517; 08023904307

[dehya-selei]

Took the spiritual gifts test and apparently my top are: craftsmanship, discernment, and mercy. It opened my eyes to how my strong sense of right and wrong tends to override my ability to feel mercy to specific individuals that I feel have no moral conscience for their behavior that has negatively impacted others. 

Yet, i’ve easily applied mercy towards my narc mother, which i’ve learned to get a long with as a friend. The situation is different now that i’ve moved out and have finally had space to process the trauma of my past living conditions. Imposter syndrome causes me to stay in minimal or no contact with her. I know i’m useless to her unless I have something sparkly about myself to share with her. The harsh reality used to invoke tears, but now there’s just cold truths. My mother died inside of me a long time ago. My mom loved me as herself when I was 3 or 4, but as soon as I grew an identity apart from hers I was no longer her child, but an adult making decisions at her expense. She would have these haughty and cold looks towards me. I can’t describe how unnerving it is for your own mother to look at you like your this filthy roach ruining everything about her life. So I could feel how it was like to have a mothers love, but as each year passed, she passed away gradually in my mind like a parasite eating away at those tender associations. Yea I just trauma dumped, but this is the abyss of tumblr and I feel like if I express is here, I no longer have to hold onto it as much in my body if that makes sense. I have this rage and anger, but it’s super supressed, and is often too much.

One of the reasons why I loved Azula, she was painfully relatable in many ways, but also really different. Her ambition, perfectionism, even her arrogance and ability to make everyone hate her, but she was also terribly misguided and needed to be tempered. If you were raised by a narc mother, you unintentionally copy their mannerisms and make others hate you. But I am also extremely sensitive and empathic at the same time, so I learned quick, but it was a really painful process.

But evenso, I understood my mother more than anyone else. I understand that a narc doesn’t wake up one day and decide to be a narc, but because of their upbringing it caused their brains to developed in way where empathy is compromised. She isn’t a bad person, just caused a lot of pain on purpose because that was the only way she knew how to be. I wouldn’t wish ill-will on her or for her to feel bad that I left the house. I would want to see her happy and content, but still far away from me. I just don’t want to be hurt.

Perhaps I used up so much mercy towards my mom, that I am just jaded and don’t apply mercy to other abusive people the same way. I kind of have to keep interacting with this gaslighter who is in the same social group as me. My spiritual leader is asking me to pray so to see if I should forgive or to confront him about it his past actions for the sake of my healing. I just wonder what this forgiveness would look like. I feel like i’ve already forgiven him, but it doesn’t take away my sense of being guarded around him. And I no longer really feel like interacting much or talking much with him and I guess it’s natural. I used to feel this pressure like I have to be the one to change to lubricate the relationships around me. But i’m learning me about myself that I don’t need to go over the moon for people who don’t have any intention of doing the same. So yea, I can forgive this guy, maybe perhaps he was misguided by something or someone. It doesn’t mean he’s entitled to my energy or attention. If this gaslighter changes their colors then that’s a different story. I’m learning in some situations, in some ways, it is totally fine to just treat someone how they treat you. Like i’m not gonna mirror back gaslighting, or manipulative behaviors because that’s just not me (and I probably don’t have the skill or the drive to want to), but i’m not going to sit still and let it just happen.

[one-abuse-survivor]

is it weird to get anxiety from hearing a game's name? like I've never played the game, I don't have any traumatizing experiences with the game, but one of my friends wants to play that game with our other friends but feels like they don't like her cause they don't play it with her so she's ranted to me about it. I know she's not meaning to pressure me, I'm known to give good advice and for being a good listener, but I'm starting to get anxious whenever that game is mentioned.

the reason she ranted to me is because something similar to this has happened before (her being excluded I mean) and it turns out they did that to her because they secretly didn't like her and it really traumatized her. I don't know how to help, or how to fix it.

I don't want both sides to have a falling out cause I'm friends with both of them and I already have very few friends. I don't want to pick sides either really cause I don't know much besides what 1 friend has told me.

sometimes I hate being the one with good advice and the good listener, cause then I sometimes get people coming to me for help and it stresses me out. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people, but it's a little much sometimes.

I do worry that if I tell her I can't/don't want to help her anymore she'll take it the wrong way though.

I'm surprised that I'm the one who is the one people typically go to from what I know of, since I am the youngest member of my friend group at 16 while everyone else is in their 20s.

I just... I don't know what to do, and I know you might say they shouldn't be ranting to me cause I'm a minor and they're adults, but I was the one who established the being trustworthy and good at giving advice.

I know none of them mean to hurt me, but I'm feeling extremely fucked up whenever I think of this situation. After the situation goes away for the time being I do my best to forget it happened, so I won't agonize over it for a while but whenever I remember I worry all over again.

it doesn't help that these people are my first real friends, the first friends who didn't seem to want anything from me, the first people that made me feel like maybe I do belong somewhere, the people who stopped me from committing suicide just by existing.

I'm scared that my life might fall apart and I'll be left to pick up the pieces or be left all alone again

Nonnie, considering everything you've shared, I would honestly be surprised if you didn't get anxiety just from hearing the game title.

Having a traumatic experience directly related to a particular object/piece of media/etc isn't the only way something can become a trigger. Sure, trauma triggers appear that way, but there's also triggers for all other sorts of mental and physical illnesses and disorders, and when it comes to anxiety triggers in particular, it's not uncommon to develop a trigger where just hearing a word that reminds you of a stressful situation can send you into an anxiety attack. It's happened to me, too. And I'm really sorry it's happening to you right now, because it really sucks to feel so out of control of yourself that even just hearing/reading a word makes you spiral.

But when this happens, it's never just about the word. It's what you associate that word with in your mind—like the threat of your friend group falling apart, the threat of being the one responsible for keeping them all happy and together, the fear that you're out of control of the situation, the pressure of feeling responsible for other people's decisions, or the fear of ending up alone, for example.

Nonnie, I don't think it's bad to be proud of yourself for being a good listener or for being good at giving advice, but I do think it's important to remember that neither of those things should come at the expense of your comfort.

I don't know if this is your particular case, but when you (general you) grow up being the one who's always responsible for taking care of others, who always deescalates difficult situations between adults, whose needs and emotions are brushed aside by adults who are focusing on their own needs and emotions, it's easy to start believing that you do this because you want to. It's easy to forget how to recognise your own needs and to truly believe that you “don't mind” always putting others' needs before yours. You can even start believing it's your responsibility to be that person for everyone in your life. That you're meant to be the listener and never listened to, or that always being willing to help with other people's problems is how you “earn” their love and affection.

And, again, I don't know if this is your case. But if you feel like it might be, or if you feel responsible for fixing other people's problems, please, please remember that you're allowed boundaries. You can be a good listener and still deserve to be asked whether you're available to help with a problem, and you're allowed to say no when you don't feel up to the task.

You're a whole person deserving of decency and respect from your friends. You're not responsible for their decisions. You're not meant to fix their problems for them. You don't always have to know what to say to make things better. You're allowed to feel stressed by people coming to you! There's a quote I've been seeing a lot lately on social media, and it's some variation of “kindness without boundaries is self-destruction”. You can pride yourself on being a kind friend, on being an active listener. But there's only so much of yourself you can give without hurting yourself if you don't honour your own needs and boundaries. You deserve to be listened to as intently as you're listening to others, nonnie.

I'm not going to tell you they shouldn't be sharing their problems with you at all, because I do believe teenagers and adults can have good and healthy friendships. But, as a twenty-something year-old myself, I do think it's their responsibility to know better than to put so much pressure on you just because you offered to listen. People in their 20s should be mature enough to realise when a teenager is having trouble setting friendship boundaries, and should make an effort to draw the line even when the younger person can't or won't.

They might not mean to hurt you, but they are, and it's okay to acknowledge that. And I do think you should set some boundaries with this friend of yours, nonnie. If you want to, you could try explaining the way you feel, instead of just saying you don't want to help her with this anymore. Something that can help make a person more open to listening to you without getting defensive is to use “I” sentences (eg. “I'm feeling anxious about this situation and like I need to fix it, and I get scared about the group falling apart”) instead of “you” sentences (“you're making me feel this way, you're putting too much pressure on me”).

I hope some of this helps to hear. Please remember you're allowed not to take my advice if it doesn't sound right to you—you know yourself and your situation much better than I do. But just know you're not alone in getting anxiety from hearing a particular title.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Anxiety tw #Toxic friendship #Suicide attempt tw #Suicidal tw #Suicide mention #Suicide tw #Trauma mention