#but you possibly risk your life to be with someone bc your afraid it might be your last chance to ever have that again!

[lavendertales]

Ride—Biker!Javier AU**

An Unholy universe one-shot, post-Colombia

summary: Javier invites you to spend time with him and his family at the ranch back in Texas. Only for you to discover there is more to Javier than meets the eye.

word count: 4.1k

WARNINGS: horniness all around lmao (but also softness bc they’re in love your honor); blowjob, fingering, choking, piv (safe). 18+ ONLY!!!

gif: @user-din​ 

series masterlist | AO3 

Surviving Medellin and Bogota had been truly a blessing. But surviving Cali? Downright miraculous.

You and Javier had been living life on edge since the moment you stepped into Colombia, so it was nothing you hadn’t faced before. But Cali had been brutal. There were several close calls for you both, as well as the team, but on the bright side, you both celebrated the unlikely victory to the best of your abilities and possibilities.

But you’ve made a promise to yourself that if you managed to escape that hellhole and make a difference in the Colombians’ lives, you too would live more in the moment and enjoy every little detail that made up your life.

So when Javier told you that he planned to return to his family’s ranch in Texas, you didn’t really expect to be asked to go with him.

“Go with you as in… for a visit, right?” you felt the need to clarify the night he told you.

Javier frowned, slightly bemused at your hesitance.

“Why do you sound surprised?” he asked in return.

“That you want your college enemy to visit you in your hometown, the intimate space you grew up in? I don’t know. Maybe a little curious.”

“You’re not the first girl I brought home, don’t get all flustered and presumptuous.”

Your mouth almost ached with the question you wanted to pose next, even as playful and innocent as it might’ve been, but you did not want to raise his fight or flight risk.

“Wasn’t going to,” you replied instead.

“But if all goes well, you might be the last.”

You turned to him, truly shook to hear him complete the sentence, as if he was capable of reading your mind without you even hinting at what you were thinking.

“Sounded a bit Texas Chainsaw Massacre-y,” you tried to laugh.

Javier huffed, pulling you close to him and smiling down on you. “It’s not what I meant,” he cooed.

“So all I have to do is earn your family’s approval and then I’ll be set to remain Javier Peña’s—“

You fell deep in thought, mind racing all over the place, trying to figure out a way to finish that sentence without, again, scaring him or taking things too far.

“You can be whatever you want,” he told you, pecking your nose, “as long as you’re mine.”

“Well then. I guess we’re going back to Texas.”

And with that, you got everything you needed for the trip. Truth be told, you weren’t sure how long you’d stay. Javier said you were definitely welcome to be there indefinitely, but you felt like it would be some sort of imposition on his father’s privacy. It’s been two decades since you’ve last seen Chucho Peña, and you were, admittedly, anxious. Not because you were in any way, shape or form afraid of the man, but because you didn’t know how he would react once you’d show up there on Javier’s arm—as his girlfriend, no less. Last time he’d seen you, you were young Javi’s worst academic nightmare, so there was bound to be some anxiety regarding the visit.

But Javier reassured you time and time again and once you actually arrived at the ranch and gotten to salute those around, you realized you were perhaps fearful for nothing.

The ranch was beautiful; a massive construction, sprayed out on dozens of square meters, evidently taken care of, and horses, pigs and chickens in the wide backyard. Javier’s family was pretty numerous, which was a little intimidating for someone coming from a small circle of relatives. Within the span of one day, you got to meet two aunts, two uncles, several cousins—both distant and close—one great-grandmother and, of course, Javier’s father.

You were introduced as the girlfriend—nothing more, nothing less. Although that level of bluntness surprised you, even coming from Javier, you embraced it and smiled politely as you shook Chucho’s hand. Javier remained encased around you, seemly proud to have you by his side.

“Now it makes sense, why the two of you couldn’t stop complaining about each other back in college,” he laughed.

“It took us a long time to realize this,” you shared the laughter.

“I could’ve told you that years ago had you asked me. Matter of fact, I started telling this one that spending so much time talking about someone, in the way he did, that was no silly competition.”

Javier rolled his eyes, remaining quiet as he watched you and Chucho interact and feeling, quite possibly for the very first time since he was a kid, happy.

The next few days have been busy, but certainly a blast; you offered to help around the ranch, preparing lunches and dinners for the whole family. It seemed peculiar to feel so welcomed, so at home around Javier’s family, like you had finally found your place where you were supposed to be, but it was such a pleasant sensation, you wanted it to go on for as long as possible.

What was the most surprising, though, was how easily you bonded with Chucho. You found yourself entertaining various conversations with him over the smallest of tasks, chuckling at his stories about young Javier.

“He was a pretty quiet kid,” Chucho tells you in the kitchen while you’ve taken on the task of making sandwiches for everybody.

“He still is,” you smile. “Not the biggest fan of spoken words. He is really good with written ones, though.”

Your smile gets wider reminiscing of the heartfelt letter Javier had left on your nightstand years ago. The one that rests folded in your wallet, with you everywhere you go.

“When he got together with Lorraine, who was so talkative and open, I thought well, that’s bound to be a good match. But sure enough, with time, the illusion faded. Seems there was no real love there.”

You purse your lips together, focused on the sandwiches instead. You’ve heard the story of Javier and Lorraine before, you were more than familiar with it, but each time you were reminded of it, it still made you sad for the both of them.

“I do think they cared for each other in a way,” you retort. “It was probably just something comfortable.”

“It was. But even that began to feel unbearable. He’s different with you though.”

“How so?”

“He’s… calmer. More open.”

You’ve never actually given it a thought as to how you and Javier changed since you’ve gotten together. There were differences, to be sure, but so subtle to you, people who were used to living a high-paced life, in constant terror, that you might’ve missed them.

“Pops, we’ve been through this, please stop telling people stories of me when I was a kid,” a voice draws both your attention.

You take notice of Javier entering the kitchen, dirt and grease all over his clothes. He’s got what appears to be a fairly older shirt on him, sleeves rolled up, and a pair of tight jeans that you just fancy so much.

“Why, are you afraid I’ll get more dirt on you?” you ask cheekily.

“Who could you possibly tell in this town?”

You shrug. “I could just call Steve and Connie and exchange fun stories.”

Chucho hands him a towel, shaking his head in amusement; as Javier rubs his hands on it, Javier leans over to press a kiss to your cheek. You never saw him be a fan of PDA, nor would you have imagined him to be one. Truthfully, neither were you. But this? You could certainly live with little, sweet gestures like this.

“You’re filthy,” you remark with a certain playfulness in your voice.

Javier reaches for a tall glass of water and winks at you, the reference not passing by him.

“What have you been doing?”

“Cleaned out the garage. And worked a bit on the bike,” Javier clears.

“Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about the old gal,” Chucho chuckles. “Sorry, mijo.”

“It’s alright. I got her cleaned up a bit and I’m gonna rebuild the engine soon.”

“Bike as in… motorbike? Motorcycle?” you ask.

Javier sees the surprised look on your face, the way your brows are upped and that petite line on your forehead that only appears whenever you crinkle it, and he finds it oddly amusing.

“Yes,” he answers. “Had her for years.”

“Her?”

“Yes, her.”

“Should I be concerned? I mean, sounds like you two have a pretty close relationship. I don’t wanna be stepping on anybody’s toes here. Or pedals.”

Chucho puts some of the finished sandwiches on a big plate, leaning towards you. “I’d only be worried if he rides that thing without a helmet.”

You turn back towards Javier. “You’d better not.”

“I won’t.”

“Good boy.”

Javier shakes his head, trying to do everything in his power to not chuckle and smirk at you with all of his family around. But he starts to feel the tingle of being around you, the heat of the day and of his activities finally starting to wear him down, and the water couldn’t quench his thirst.

So he gives you one more telling look, and leans over the kitchen aisle to be closer to you as he says, “Do you want to come to the garage and check her out?”

Luckily you’re down to the last two sandwiches to make, so you rush through that process and place the rest of the batch on another big plate, serving them in the living room for those hungry and you take Javier’s hand as he guides you to the garage.

“I wouldn’t have thought you’re the kind of guy who likes motorcycles,” you tell him somewhat amused.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just never pictured that kind of side to you.”

“Let’s see if you get a clearer picture.”

Javier opens the door to the garage, unveiling several boxes to the side and something under a tarp.

“I’m guessing this is her,” you say, circling the now unveiled motorcycle.

“Yep. Rhonda.”

“Rhonda?”

This is half amusing, half arousing to you and it’s a fascinating combination.

“Yes, Rhonda,” Javier chuckles as well. “You know, cause—a Honda, Rhonda?”

“Yeah, I got that. Love how you brain makes analogies.”

“Hmm, really?”

He inches closer, licking his lips as he’s staring you down.

“Kinda like I associate the word ‘filthy’ with you?” he asks.

“Kind of.”

“Tell you what, how about after lunch, you and I go for a ride and later we can have some dessert?”

Your lips break into a flattered, insatiable smile as you nod at him, all too eager for someone who is usually so calm and collected.

“Sounds perfect.”

It was dead silent after you chugged that glass of water in the kitchen. You even kept the lights off so as to not wake the kids. You had to move swiftly and cautiously, just like you did back when you and Javier were nothing more but fuck buddies, claiming those sweaty encounters meant nothing.

But especially because Javier’s bedroom neighbored Chucho’s. And the last thing either of you needed was his father hearing you two going at it. Though it might come with difficulty, knowing you couldn’t really keep sounds to yourself when it came to Javier’s pleasuring skills.

“Thought I heard someone in here.”

You widen your eyes in slight panic as Chucho appears in the frame. You flash a flustered smile as you try to act inconspicuous.

“I was a bit thirsty,” you apologize. “I hope I didn’t wake you, I know it’s pretty late.”

“Nothin’ to worry about, mija. I was about to go to sleep. But I got to thinking, the holidays are right around the corner. We’d love to have you around for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

Your eyes widen again, this time in utter surprise. You hadn’t expected such an invitation, and certainly not in that moment.

“Oh! Thank you so much for thinking of me.”

“You can bring up your folks if you’d like to. There’s plenty of us to go around, what’s a few more?”

You exchange laughter with him, feeling a little embarrassed. “Actually, it’s just me. I never had a big family, and… it’s just me now.”

“Well, what happened to your folks?”

You hesitate, realizing that Javier probably didn’t share the tale of your mother, much less your father, but on the one hand you are more than thankful for that.

Chucho glares at you, noticing your facial expression and realizing he might’ve overstepped. He then grabs both your shoulders, smiling at you as he pulls you in for a hug. “We’re here for you if you want. You’re not alone.”

Head resting on his shoulder, you tear up, rummaging the kind words that have just been said to you. The thought of entering a big family, feeling welcomed and cared for and appreciated, it’s making you more emotional than you would’ve anticipated.

“Thank you,” you whisper, pulling yourself together.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For bringing back my son to me.”

You blush, tapping his shoulder playfully. “Stop it or else I’m gonna cry.”

“My apologies, mija. Goodnight.”

You watch Chucho leave the kitchen, the warm and tingly feeling expanding to your extremities. The afternoon’s events are still freshly imprinted on your mind and you’d much rather focus on that than remaining emotional.

Seeing Javier work on his motorcycle, then riding it expertly and flawlessly certainly woke your appetite in ways you considered inconceivable till then. It was true that you hadn’t pegged him as the type of guy who’d drive across states on a bike, all leathered up, stopping for a burger and conversation with other riders, and then hitting the road again, but it sure was a pleasant surprise.

You enter Javier’s bedroom silently, much like a cat ready to pounce on its prey, closing the door gently behind you. Javier is looking out through the window, the moonlight being the only light present.

“Hey,” you whisper sweetly.

He turns, and you notice a bright smile on his face as he approaches you. “Thought you’d never come back to me.”

“Didn’t I always?”

He wraps his arms around you, caressing your back. “You do,” he admits. “It never fails to surprise me.”

“Why?”

“Cause you stayed. In spite of… everything.”

Something about that statement makes your heart ache. You know Javier’s often felt more lonesome than he liked to show, and that you can understand all too well. However, you appreciate the fact that he’s opening up to you more and more.

“Well, I didn’t really have a choice. You know too much about me, you’ve seen me naked… ate food off of me naked… I have to keep you around,” you joke.

And luckily it works; Javier chuckles, playing with the hem of your shirt.

“If you brought some whipped cream from the kitchen, we could do that again,” he teases you.

“I didn’t, unfortunately. But I ran into your dad.”

Javier frowns, pressing pause on caressing your skin beneath the shirt. “Okay…?”

“He invited me here for the holidays.”

“Oh. That’s great. You really hit it off with the family.”

You smile widely. “I’m a delight, of course I did.”

“My great-grandma already asked me, not-so-subtly, when we’re getting married.”

You chuckle, holding him still close to your body.

“And when we’re having kids,” he continues. “Not if. When. You know, no pressure or anything.”

“She’s a sweet lady, give her a break.”

“I forgot how crazy it gets with all of them around. I feel like I need a break from them too.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Hmm, I think someone mentioned something about dessert?”

You smile at one another, eager hands roaming on clothed skin.

“I think you might be right,” you coo.

“But we should be quiet.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

“You have to be quiet.”

“Oh, there’s that biker attitude I heard so much about.”

When his lips press on yours, you melt instantly. It’s then that you realize, with all the family meetings and preparations around, the two of you haven’t had some alone time in weeks. Your hands drop to his zipper, swiftly working against it to remove the jeans standing in his pleasure’s way. As you broke the kiss to ensure more visibility for your wicked mission, Javier smiles at you, already out of breath, and presses his index against his lips to signal you to remain quiet.

“I’m more worried about you being quiet right now,” you slyly tell him.

You guided him towards the bed as Javier laid on it, his legs dangling off the bed. You peppered a trail of wet, hot kisses from his mouth to his cheeks, jaw and neck. Javier was quick to remove his shirt as you teased his happy trail as you palmed him through his underwear, earning a few low grunts from him. When you look up, you notice his gorgeously fucked out face, and you barely touched him yet. But you reckon it’s been a while for you both, so perhaps he was a little more sensitive than usual.

You decide you shouldn’t waste any more time, so you free his erection from the cotton fabric and immediately take him in your mouth, lathering the tip with your tongue. Javier exhales, hardly in control, but forcing himself to remain steady. One loud sound and you’re both done for.

He lets out a throated moan, too coarse for the sound to be properly dispersed throughout the room; one of his hands grip the sheets, the other grips your hair, fisting it in order to not let out any louder noises.

There’s nothing gently about the way you’re sucking him off, and he wouldn’t wanna have it any other way. If all this is because you saw him fix a motorcycle and then go for a ride with him, then he definitely ought to be doing that more.

You feel yourself getting wetter with each additional flick of your tongue against his throbbing cock, and each bop of your head another reminder that your whole body is aching for him, badly. But you do the work, happily, taking him in however much you can, stroking the base of his cock at the same time, enjoying the throaty noises Javier is releasing.

He doesn’t want to cum, not yet anyway; it feels like months since the two of you had any chance to bring pleasure to one another, so he wants to do this just right. Coming down your throat will have to be for another time.

So he fists your hair harder, nearly yanking it so that you release him from your mouth, and you stare at him bewildered. In one swift move, you wake up underneath Javier’s body as he’s kissing his way down your body, struggling to remove your pajamas.

The moment you are bare before him, Javier lays you on your back fully, legs spread for him. He feels an aching hunger to taste you, to make you fall apart in his mouth, and he too decides he doesn’t want to waste any time.

“Are you gonna be quiet?” he asks.

“You know I can’t really do that when you go down on me.”

“Fine. I won’t go down on you then.”

And suddenly he has his finger inside of you, curling daringly and boldly, testing the waters. When you arch your back, fighting back insatiable moans from the burns of your body, inside and out, Javier knows he has your approval, so he pushes in another digit. He’s pumping in and out faster and faster, all the while messily kissing your jaw and lips, taking great pride and joy in the sounds you make and the way they trigger that possessive side of him.

“You really liked my motorcycle this much, baby?” he teases.

“Mhm—“

“Do you really want me this much?”

“Yes, how many times do I have to tell you—“

Smiling in a deviled ecstasy, Javier presses one last kiss on your lips before pulling out, not giving you any chance to reach your climax. Disappointed, you watch in awe as Javier takes the two fingers to his mouth and sucks on them, releasing a grunted mhhmm that nearly has your head spinning.

“No, whyyy?” you whine.

“Cause we both need more than this.”

You can’t argue against that; your breaths get ragged watching him in the moonlight reaching inside the drawer and hastily place the condom on his erection. You spread your legs further, Javier’s mouth nearly watering as he’s jerking the base of his cock, readying himself.

He holds you by the hips as he pushes inside you. The way he slides with ease through your walls, your arousal coating his cock and sending shivers throughout his entire body, it can easily be described as heaven. Maybe it’s the happiness Javier feels knowing his whole family has fallen in love with you just as much as he had, or perhaps it’s the fact that you probably shouldn’t be doing this with the whole family roaming around—especially Chucho right in the next room—but every feeling is amplified; it’s the sweetest, most intoxicating and insatiable poison he has ever had the luxury of tasting.

“Javi—“

“Shhh, we can’t make any sound—“

You nod desperately, feeling Javier’s hips snapping inside you with fervor and speed, clearly chasing both your orgasms. It sure feels sweet and tender, but it carries no shortage of that fiery passion and roughness that brought you together in the first place.

You’re mewling and cooing, biting your lips till they bled so you keep sounds to yourself. Your hand reaches at the back of his neck to pull him down for a sloppy kiss, and in return, Javier’s hand curls around your neck and applies just the right amount of pressure, simultaneously picking up the pace.  

 “F-Fuck—fuck, I love you—“Javier whispers with a little grunt.

His thrust get sloppier, just as the previous kiss did, and faster as well, and you can tell he’s close, but so are you. It has been a while, you remind yourself.

“I love you too,” you whisper fleetingly.

“Mhm—look at me, please… please.”

He sounds utterly broken, in a complete need for you, and you couldn’t love that more. His hand still around your throat like a necklace, you reach to grab both his shoulders, holding onto them as he pushes himself inside you as fast as he can, and mere seconds later, you feel his muscles tighten under your touch, his body shaking as he stops, riding out his orgasm. You reach to play with your clit, still feeling him throbbing inside you, and Javier gathers whatever strength he has left to thrust again, helping you reach your orgasm.

And you do. When it washes you over, drowning you in pleasure and love and warmth, Javier’s hand is over your mouth to prevent you from screaming. He leans down with his whole body, so much so that he’s fully sheathed in you and his cock nearly hits your cervix, and kisses you tenderly, waiting for you to settle down.

Then you bite his lower lip, rubbing your nose against his.

“Better each time we practice, huh?” he smiles.

“We sure are,” you agree.

He’s barely moving inside you, just enough to let you feel him close, as intimately as possible.

“I’m pretty impressed you actually kept it quiet,” he tells you coyly.

You jokingly slap him away, and just then he pulls out, getting rid of the condom and bringing a wet towel for you.

“So. The holidays. What do you think?”

You raise your eyebrows at him, pleasantly surprised again.

“It’s not like I have other plans, so… I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“After everything we’ve done and been through, we might actually have to stick together just to prevent some stuff from coming out.”

You chuckle, resting on his chest underneath the covers. It’s silent and peaceful, serene in its simple way of simply being, unlike the lives you’ve led for the past few years. It feels rewarding, too. Like you finally get to rest.

“I’ll be here,” you tell him reassuringly.

“Good. Cause my great-grandma likes to cook for the whole town, so we’ll need all the help we can get.”

You peck his cheek, cuddling up closer to him. “Do you think we can go on another ride tomorrow?”

“You wanna go out there with Rhonda again?”

“Well, if we’re gonna be in a threeway, best her than someone else.”

This time Javier chuckles, an earthy, healthy sound that tickles your ears. If anything, you’re just glad you can bring Javier some serenity after all that time.

previous 

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Peña x you #Javier Peña fanfiction #Javier Peña fic #Javier Peña smut #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javier pena x f!reader #javier pena x female reader #Javier Peña x f!reader #Javier Peña x female reader #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #narcos smut #javier pena smut #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal smut #unholy series

[whatsaudreythinkingabout]

i fucking hate being a hypochondriac. there are so many things i used to love to do as a kid or wanted to do in the future that now i’m terrified to do bc i learned there’s a risk (even a small one) that i’ll contract an incurable illness that i didn’t know about before & didn’t realize i contracted until it’s too late & the disease has already spread too far into my brain and I’ll die a slow, painful death because of a seemingly innocuous decision i made. used to love petting the stray cats that hung around my old apartment, now i’m scared i’ll get rabies without realizing it (not just from a bite or scratch; even from the minute possibility of contracting it through their fur if their infected saliva came into contact with it while they were grooming themselves). used to love swimming in the lake bc my (ex-)stepdad would take us there on the weekend, now i’m scared i’ll catch the brain-eating amoeba if even the smallest drop of freshwater goes up my nose. always wanted to learn how to make garlic confit bc it looks so delicious, now i’m too scared to bc any garlic-in-oil dish (if stored improperly) carries with it the risk of botulism & i don’t wanna take any chances. this is not exaggeration or sarcasm. i genuinely live in fear of these possibilities occurring every day.

and those are just (at least what i call) the big three; that’s not even mentioning things like heart attacks (one time i had my dorm call the paramedics for what turned out to be acid reflux, another time i went straight to the health center bc my arm was sore), strokes (every once in a while i smile in the mirror to make sure my face isn’t drooping on one side), cancer (ESPECIALLY skin & breast cancer; the scariest thing is that it comes in so many forms and can affect literally anyone, anytime, anywhere, in any part of the body), covid (which i’ve already had 3 times & fear the effects it could have on my brain), etc. i can’t even pop the pimples around my nose anymore (despite my absolutely debilitating dermatillomania; unstoppable force vs immovable object) bc apparently that area of your face is called the “triangle of death” bc there’s so many blood vessels there & if you pop it then it could cause an infection that spreads straight to the brain and (you guessed it!) kills you.

and part of me wants to reassure myself that it’s all in my head and that most afflictions like these are incredibly rare (at least the big three, the other ones are more common), but the other part of me knows that even if they are rare they aren’t to be fucked with and fears the 0.01% chance that it COULD happen and will happen the minute i let my guard down. and what of the girl who cried wolf? what if i keep worrying about it happening so much every time i think it could happen and every time it turns out to be nothing, and then the one time i second-guess myself thinking “it was nothing the last 50 times, why would it be anything now?” it ends up being something? or worse, what if i try to express this to someone else and they don’t believe me because i freaked out about it so many times already and every time it turned out to be nothing but this time it turns out to be something? i know very well the warning signs and that i should always go to the doctor if i suspect i might have contracted something life-threatening (ESPECIALLY one of the big three), i would NEVER downplay the severity of something as serious as one of these, but how do i know when something is truly serious enough to warrant a visit? am i just gaslighting myself? am i overthinking it, or am i right to be afraid? how do i know when it’s the right time to be afraid? how do i stop living in fear? do i even want to stop living in fear knowing what i know now, knowing that i was so much more reckless than i thought when i was younger and have only survived this long through sheer dumb luck? why must life be so cruel that even the smallest actions carry with them the smallest chance of an excruciating death? why can’t i have shit in detroit?

#audrey thoughts #vent #hypochondria #rabies #botulism #brain eating amoeba #heart attack #stroke #cancer #covid 19

[dancedance-resolution]

ex catholic thoughts and feelings that i need to get out of my brain (read at your own risk lol)

now that i’m taking some really big steps in my life with leaving my catholic life behind me etc. i’m realizing that i think it might be really healing for me to Tell Someone In My Old Catholic World what happened. i had a dream two nights ago about telling a beloved english teacher from my catholic life one of the things that happened. when i was working with someone from my old catholic life shortly post my final departure, i felt the urge to tell her. she knew some of the story and it was like my brain wanted to tell her the rest. and now i have my most beloved english teacher from Middle School that i still keep in touch with lol, i usually text her once every summer and we meet up for lunch but i didn’t text her this summer yet. i think i’ll text her when i start community college again since that’s like. A Proper Reason. idk i know it’s a dumb fear but i’m feeling a bit self conscious i guess that i want to contact her for no good reason other than it’s summertime and i love her and wanted to check in with her. but anyways. i monologued telling her what happened while driving to and from work today. she’s the most logical of persons to tell. but i don’t want to put that on her you know. anyways lastly a person from my old catholic life apparently is a client at my new job lol and we got to talking after not seeing each other for 3ish years and she asked me about career goals and college etc and i mentioned that i’m really attracted to the idea of working in a library once i have college under my belt and she was like oh! [my old church] is hiring an intern for their archive/library! you should inquire! and in my brain i felt optimistic for like 0.6 seconds where i was like. oh. i have an in on a possibly cool opportunity bc i’m literally obsessed with catholicism and want work experience in library settings…. then the reality hits of LOL no you can’t go back there. and you don’t want to go back there anyways. and i felt so so tempted to joke to her. well i don’t think id be welcome there haha. but i didn’t ofc bc it’s work and also why would i you know. we weren’t even close in my old life.

i’m afraid of forgetting everything too, in a way. there are a lot of parts that i don’t forget per se but don’t think of until something reminds me of them and it’s like oh, i’m glad my brain told me about this again bc it like. validates how hard that time was for me. bc (i know this is a bad thought bc i’d never tell this to a friend so why would i tell it to myself but) i feel like. lol bitch why are you so broken over just x. and then it’s like oh wait no remember y and z. they’re part of what hurt you too. and it’s like ah okay i have permission to have more mercy with myself

i’ve been really missing my ex still too ofc. i want to tell my one old teacher about her even though i don’t know what i’d say. i feel the urge to talk to her about how even though i’m not catholic anymore, i feel like my catholic-ness is such a huge part of me that will be with me forever, for better and for worse, and one way that manifested for me is that it made me so happy that my ex had a catholic family. like i was going to go to a knights of columbus softball event with them (we broke up before then but yeah) and. even though i can’t show my face around at least 2 of the knights who would probably be there, i still wanted to experience it with her and her family. i loved her catholic family. i loved her as an individual way way way more lol but the fact that i loved her family too made it hurt worse bc it’s like. this is a person who i could so so so fucking easily see myself having a future with. i love her and her family and i love how she gets along with my family, and i want that. but yeah

so i feel the urge to talk to my old teacher about that for no particularly good reason other than maybe she’d understand the catholic part of it. the thing is she’s still a practicing catholic lol so i don’t want to insult her or anything. she’s definitely not like super catholic to the extent that i know if i tell her i’m not catholic anymore, she won’t make any earnest attempt to convert me back to it other than maybe a stray comment about praying for me.

i think another interesting level to my desire to tell her about it is that, of course, she was my hugest crush ever until my ex herself lol. i don’t have a point related to that it just makes me laugh that my brain wants that lol.

anyways i think telling her could be healing maybe, but also she’s decently far removed from my old catholic life which is why i feel safe possibly telling her. part of me is worried i won’t feel “satisfied” until i can write a long form letter to someone like sister maria martinez. she cared about me deeply and i trust her more than i trust sister mary madeline regarding this particular subject lol. and i know nothing bad could come of me sending a letter to sister other than Her Responding lol 😅 which terrifies me lol but idk

i won’t send her a letter though bc if she didn’t respond i don’t think id feel better, and if she did respond i think id feel worse lol 😂. at least with my old teacher i feel like she might tell me “that was bad. i’m sorry that happened.” whereas sister might respond “i’m sorry it affected you negatively” rather than saying the actions taken themselves were bad. sister could surprise me though. and sister could make a difference - she still works for the church unlike my old teacher and maybe telling her my story would make her hesitate before doing some of the things that affected me so negatively (bc i wouldn’t be surprised if the one incident with kayla had her fingerprints on it lol) (though i cant remember it in perfect detail like i used to, which makes me feel weird about telling her about it bc i don’t want to misrepresent what happened). (also makes me feel weird that i’m losing the memory in general lol)

og dance dance resolution fans who were with me back when i was either procrastinating squirrel or george foreman grill (i forget which one i was when i did this) will remember a cazzie fic i posted and have since deleted about one of the first of my really influential bad catholic experiences lol. i remember even back then feeling the same thing of like i need to document everything that’s happened bc i need to remember it. i wonder if it was a control thing. “if i remember it exactly as it happened then i can never let another person tell me it didn’t happen how i know it did or wasn’t as bad as i know it was.” or my general anxiety around not knowing things lol; if i know it then it can’t surprise me and hurt me all over again. (LOL).

i want to talk to my old teacher about gender too even though i know that’s something that’s way too un catholic even for her lol. i want to express to her, maybe, how i’m only now feeling comfortable exploring femininity bc it used to be forced on me. i was so masc presenting when she knew me bc i felt the need to rebel against that femininity forced upon me, i think. and when i left my catholic life i finally had a break from having to be feminine and having to be it in their way. and then after like a long while of letting myself be as androgynous and genderless as my little heart desired lol, i finally felt able to do things like dress up for the paramore concert and now painting the nails on my left hand. and i want to tell her about how my relationship with my ex opened my eyes to so much gender stuff. how i used to feel like i had to be more masc than my partner - honestly probably related to some of the trauma that teacher herself witnessed first hand lol - but how falling so hard for my ex made me feel safe in being perceived as “the girl” in the relationship. comfortable with that and not having it in my head in a warped way that if i’m too girl and dating a dyke who’s “basically a man” then all of the struggle i’ve been through with the homosexuality thing is invalidated.

that feels less crucial though. like i want to share it with her but i don’t need to. whereas the other stuff it’s like. if i don’t tell her i probably have to tell sister maria rip 😂🫨.

i feel icky thinking about taking the time to write a letter to sister that i’d never send, even though it would also help me with my brain fear of forgetting things. why would i choose to spend that time making myself feel like shit lol. but if i already feel off due to heartstopper s2 triggering some of these feelings in me then maybe i should address it etc etc.

another option is to text the teacher tmrw. i know her county goes back in 10 (or less???) days now so if i want to meet with her for lunch like we’ve done the past few years, i should text her sooner than when i start school.

i would be like. greeting. A client at work told me that Frederick county school teachers are going back on the 14th this year (!!), so I wanted to say hi before school started for you :) I’m starting community college over again starting on the 26th haha! and then continue from there.

and then maybe if we are able to schedule lunch, i’d write out a script for telling her. and if writing it felt right, then i’d tell her. if not then i won’t.

i should probably talk to my fucking therapist about this lol. i see her again on tuesday. i feel a bit unsure about asking her about it though bc i’ve only had 3 or 4 sessions with her so far and we haven’t even started talking about the catholic stuff other than me giving a half sentence summary in my intake paperwork (and in the second half of the sentence saying i felt pretty at peace with it and didn’t feel the need to work on it more 😂). so i feel like it might be A Lot to fill her in on everything that happened quickly enough that i can also be like “and now i want to telll this teacher oh also here’s my super long and complicated back story with her too lol” LOL idk

im just shocked in a way that heartstopper made me feel this intense 😂😂😂😂😂😂. i see all these posts about like “this show is healing, it’s free therapy, this show is a comfort show” and it’s like LOL if this show is this triggering for me then maybe. perhaps perchance. i have some shit to work through 😂

i feel like if i do decide to tell my teacher about some of my catholic stuff, i’ll need to tell her that i am before doing it. like maybe start the conversation in person like. (ASSUMING WE’RE ABLE TO GET LUNCH AT ALL). so i obviously am mainly here to see you and catch up haha but i must admit i also have an ulterior motive of sorts. now that im going back to school i’ve been re-dealing with a lot of stuff from my old catholic life and i’ve been feeling the need for a while now to Tell Someone who will understand the catholic side of it if that makes sense? /// the only issue with that plan is then how do i transition to actually telling her stuff lol. what all do i want to tell and what do i not need to say. and also i think i risk limiting our conversation to catholic homosexuality stuff if i start off like that and i also just want to generally catch up with her.

hmm it would almost be useful if i knew i would cry bc i could. come out to her (oh also she doesn’t formally know i’m a homosexual lol 😂 but like she was my teacher and in middle school the whole class loooved calling me a dyke so she’s at least familiar with the concept of me being a homosexual. and also im not worried that she’ll react poorly. i trust her. like she would attend a homosexual wedding i think. ) ANYWAYS like if i could find some way to naturally integrate into the conversation like. i experienced my first real heart break i think. “oh i’m sorry tell me more” well. i don’t know if you’ve like already implied or assumed or whatever but i am a lesbian. [and then i start crying] and then bc i’m crying i can be like sorry i didn’t expect to get emotional about telling you it just feels. weird to have someone from my catholic life who i am choosing to tell. and then expand that into how i was outed etc. BUT ALSO. maybe i would actually cry at the idea of being able to choose to tell someone from my catholic life for the first time but even her i’m sure she already implies SIGH lol.

maybe that’s an angle that doesn’t require me to cry though. if i tell her and then like take a deep breath like. you know you’re the first person from my catholic life who i’ve Chosen to tell. and then go into how it feels weird you know. to even make a deal out of coming out anymore bc it’s 2023 and we’re in md and everyone’s gay nowadays lol it’s not a big deal. and she already mostly knew!!!! so it feels weird for this to feel momentous about choosing to tell you. but i guess it is sort of bc it’s like. not only are you the first person from my catholic life who i’ve trusted enough to be able to tell AND be in a place where i’m able to tell you but also. for most of the ppl from my catholic life i didn’t have a choice. (and then lead into the outing and then that has its own segways to the other stuff i need to tell someone)

ofc that all presupposes that the conversation and her reactions and my own emotions at the time go how i expect them to. i can only script so much you know lol.

i think i’m going to text her tmrw though. whether or not it leads to me telling her stuff, i want to see her again soon.

okay that’s all i have for today lol

#for my reference #personal

[catsouu]

— inazuma boys as boyfriends !!

characters: ayato, thoma, itto, gorou, kazuha x gn!reader

- a.n. just some thoughts i’ve gathered from playing/thinking :)

ayato:

• soft and caring boyfriend !!

• kinda old-fashioned in a gentleman way?? he’s courting you everywhere, always locks your hands, makes sure you’re comfortable in your surroundings

• he’s still a busy man :(( doesn’t have a lot of time to go on dates

• but when he does have the time he makes sure it is worth it and memorable for both of you

• he likes quiet night walks in chinju forest especially when it’s just the two of you when he can have you all to himself and listen to your voice without any interruptions

• ayato is a bit of menace. might embarrass you in public if he feels like it

• whispers in your ears a LOT. he likes to see your face turn red from some of his comments

• he’s into moderate physical touch in public and heavy physical touch behind closed doors

• having his hand on the small of your back, around your waist, on your shoulders - you name it, he’s obsessed

• worries about you a lot, especially while he’s caught up with work and cannot check up on you himself, then he sends someone (ahem thoma ahem) to see if you’re okay and out of trouble

• likes it when you give him massages while he’s slumped over documents, likes top of the head kisses, likes having you sit in his lap, likes having you around in general

• ayato loves you a lot, even when he doesn’t show it, he’s always thinking about you

thoma:

• i don’t want to say this bc it’s obvious but.. malewife

• thoma loves to take you with him on his errands in inazuma city

• (definitely not because he wants to show you off no no no…. no…….)

• it’s just that having you around gives him the energy to keep working

• speaking of malewife.. he LOVES to cook for you and would never shame you if you don’t know how to cook yourself

• acts of service is definitely one of his live languages so seeing your happy smile while eating what he’s made is all he’ll ever need in his life

• speaking of love languages, he likes physical touch !!

• even the smallest of touches make him happy

• but in public he’s kinda shy because he’s afraid to make you uncomfortable :((

• when you give him the confidence he needs he’ll no doubt have his hands all over you in a respectful (!!) manner

• thoma is a very proud boyfriend, he’s always thinking of how lucky he is to have you in his life :((

• love him please dear god LOVE HIM

itto:

• he brings chaos with him but that’s not much of an issue to you because you like the lifestyle of risk and fun

• despite looking so menacing and people deeming him as mean he’s as soft as a labrador puppy

• he’s _very_ attentive !! you almost couldn’t believe it in the beginning but that’s the truth !!

• he’s also very needy… so needy for your attention and kisses

• whines and complains when you forget good morning kisses :(( they matter to him a lot you honestly don’t know why but they do

• it’s honestly so cute how this big boy is so awfully in love with you he can never stay put when you’re around !!

• ITTO IS THE BEST HUGGER IN INAZUMA (real (i’m inazuma))

• his touch is so warm and so soft, you feel protected just from being held

• he loves to hold you close in public, but still fears that people might think of you badly because you’re with _the_ arataki itto

• you are always reassuring him that you’re completely fine being his partner and that makes him so happy :((

• itto definitely knows you love him no matter what and that’s the only reassurance he’ll ever ever need <3

gorou:

• puppy boyf

• gorou is so awkward around you omg he doesn’t know what to do with his feelings :((

• he always tries to be strong and composed for his soldiers but whenever you’re around all that effort goes down the drain hehe

• he’s obsessed with your safety in the best possible way and always takes the time out of his day to check up on you no matter what he’s doing

• he’s probably the second most overprotective one out of all the boys (after kazuha) since he knows what loss is and he does NOT. i repeat does NOT want to lose you

• loves to be held by you :( so bonus points if your love language is physical touch !

• you’re definitely the only one who can touch his tail and ears, in fact, gorou _wants_ you to touch him there

• he also likes to be the little spoon when you two are sleeping together, to him your touch is heavenly

• your dates are always full of fun and excitement since with you he can let his status and duties fade into the background

• but, like ayato, he’s often busy, so these dates are kind of rare

• gorou’s also very loyal and honest with you, he wants you to feel comfortable enough to open up to him completely in any situation

kazuha:

• the one that is in touch with his and your feelings

• in fact it almost feels like you two are connected on a different level

• kazuha somehow always knows when you’re in trouble or danger, always justifies it with ‘the wind whispers’

• like i said, is the most overprotective of all

• he lost too many important things and people in his life to let you be taken away from him the same way

• so being with him sometimes feels like having a personal bodyguard who’s also very soft and gives you lots of kisses <3

• kazuha is super attentive !! takes note of the smallest things you mention just to bring them up in the future

• his love language are no doubt words of affirmation and quality time

• you often spend your free time together somewhere far from people, preferably in the nature, while he writes haikus inspired by you

• there are also cats following him around a lot, and, weirdly enough, it makes you feel safe and ‘at home’

• he doesn’t hide any of his feelings towards you, never misses a chance to kiss you and whisper a quiet ‘i love you’ before going somewhere

• to kazuha love is something divine and ethereal, so getting to share it with his special someone is beyond anything he’s ever wanted in life

#genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #ayato x reader #gorou x reader #kazuha x reader #thoma x reader #itto x reader #arataki itto x reader #ayato kamisato x reader #genshin x reader #ayato fluff #kazuha fluff #gorou fluff #itto fluff #thoma fluff

[violettelueur]

RYŌMEN SUKUNA || LITTLE CAGED ARTIST

| featuring : ryomen sukuna ft. itadori yuji 

| warnings : mention of emotional abuse and murder as well as grammar errors

| form : imagine

| word count : 1691

| published : 22 december

| request : Hello, idk if your request are open but feel free to ignore, but just, imagine another reencarnation au (those imaginw of yours are my favourite) where the reader was a painter and Sukuna's personal favourite so he took her and kinda abused her psycologicaly to the point where she would just draw him and only him and he loved that, and in the future she's still an artist that draws Yuuji bc theyre friends but when she sees the tatoos she again draws Sukuna and he feels guilty for the way he treated her and her art in the pastIf It's angst i would apreciate but it's not really necesary

| barista’s notes : hi there~ i apologies for the extremely long wait for your coffee order but now it is there ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ right now it is nearly 5am in the morning and i have no idea why the hell i am awake, but oh well ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ  DONT WORRY THOUGH! after this, i am going to sleep and rest up since today it is Fushiguro Megumi’s and Kageyama Tobio’s birthday today ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ but other than that, i hope you enjoy your order of a cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and i hope you come back soon! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

“Sukuna….please leave me alone...leave the village alone, I beg of you please,” you whimpered to the man that was standing tall and proud with a sadistic smirk painted on his face, while you were on your knees tightly holding onto his large wrist - somewhat slightly covering the black ring marking - as if your weak physical strength could do anything to stop his raising them up and giving a rain upon hell to the people that was residing in the small town you lived in.

You have no idea how you had managed to catch the attention of the most feared curse to both humans and jujutsu sorcerers nor did you know how you managed to become acquainted with the man in front of you. All you knew right now was that the situation you were in at this current moment and time, was not ideal to anyone at all.

You were just a simple artist. A simple village girl artist that was blessed to be hired by the nobility and aristocracy to paint their family portraits with the finest colours that they would offer you, for you to be then paid so you could provide for your village. However, as luxurious as it sounded, you were in love with the idea of just placing a sharped piece of charcoal on a piece of paper or cloth you could find anywhere and sketch your heart designed.

“Leave you alone?” Sukuna questioned you in his deep voice, before slowly crouching down to become face to face with you. “I could never leave you alone, not when you have caught my attention with your craft little one,” Sukuna then stated, as he gently placed a hand on your cheek before using his thumb to caress the soft skin he was touching. 

Ever since Sukuna had caught sight of you delicately painting a portrait of a noblewoman with such care and gentleness, he couldn’t help but wonder how your hands were so carefully and how patient you were to make sure every stroke was perfect to your desire. Slowly, he began to wonder what it was like to be the subject of one's view. A subject that someone desired to recreate on a simple piece of paper. However, compared to his past sightings, you were the most talented as well as the most beautiful he had ever seen and once he was able to gain a clear view of the noble woman that you were illustration, he was surprised at how much detail you were able to encapture in your work and just like the noble woman’s reaction, they both were extremely happy with the result of the final product.

“How about this?” Sukuna suddenly asked, causing your head to suddenly shot up leading you to meet eye to eye with the King of Curses, “if you come with me and draw me and me only for the rest of time, I would leave this little village alone as well as the people residing in it. How does that sound, little one?”

‘Come with him? Where? Why? What’s going to happen to me?’

“If you don’t accept this deal, every single person here will die. Burned, stabbed, slashed, any way possible I can. Men, women and even little children’s lives will be gone, and it would be all your fault.”

‘My….fault? But-’

“You know I’m not a patient person little one, I might as well start my massacre while you take your time to think, it will be-”

“NO PLEASE! DON’T, YOU CAN TAKE ME, JUST LEAVE THE VILLAGE ALONE, PLEASE!” you screamed in desperation, as you tighten the grip of his wrist that was within your grasp to keep him down, as you didn’t want to risk him getting away from your sights for the safety and protection of the people  within the little town you had lived in since the day your life had started.

With a large cruel grin, Sukuna had somehow managed to pry his wrists free from your tense grip before sliding an arm under your knees as well as an arm around your body lifting you up in a bridal position, while you were just expressing a face of shock and fear, confused and fearful on what you had just accepted in exchange for your life. Where were you going? Was this the end? Were you going to die? How much longer have you had left?

“Don’t worry, I won’t kill you, you’re too precious to be slaughtered little one,” Sukuna answered - as if he knew what you were thinking - before placing a ghostly kiss upon your temple leading you to freeze still, petrified on what he would do with you had moved a single inch.

This was your life now. 

A caged artist.

                                               ꕥ

Here you were, sitting on a wooden platform outside with a sharpened piece of charcoal that Sukuna had kindly given you, in order for you to sketch a portrait of him. The second you placed the charcoal upon the paper, Sukuna couldn’t help but stare at the light movements of your hand as you lightly stroke a few lines to create an outline before watching your hand suddenly pause, causing the King of Curses to switch his view from the sheet to you, only to find your look at him with such a frightened look.

“I’m sorry…..I shouldn’t look at you, should I? I apologise deeply,” you softly muttered before quickly turning back to the portrait that was right in front of you - you didn’t want to do anything wrong in his eyes, you knew he could go back on his words and harm the people that you cared about. However, it seemed like Sukuna didn’t care at all, he had managed to trap you into his life and had the power to demand you to draw him every time he would mention he could go back to your little village and burn it to the ground. He relished in the idea of being the subject of your attention.

This is what he wanted. 

His little caged artist.

                                               ꕥ

1000 years later and here you were. 

Here you were sketching a picture of your best-friend Itadori with a picture of him that you had managed to capture on your phone. Itadori first came into your life shortly after you had enrolled into Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Techincal College around the same time as your other classmate Kugisaki did. 

You have no idea what drew you into the boy with the pink hair, but something within you pulled you towards him causing the blooming and somewhat hilarious friendship to start, even causing Fushiguro and Kugisaki to wonder what was going on in your mind to somehow relate to the boy - yet, they didn’t mention their questions since they didn’t really think you knew the answer yourself, and they were correct.

However, as you continued to smoothly glide your pencil across the page, applying different pressures to construct some definitions as well as shadows within the photo you were copying from, you began to suddenly realise that you were starting to draw marking upon his portrait. Markings that were so familiar to the ones the person within him had.

Ever since that day at the Eishu Detention Centre, the sight of Sukuna standing in front of you with his shirt ripped off showcasing his black marking caused a trigger of unknown memories to suddenly flood into your mind, causing excruciating pain that was so unbearable, you thought you were going to pass out from the intense pressure, maybe as even close to dying from the immense pain.

From what you could even recall from the sudden flood of blurry images that appeared in your mind, there was a picture of you drawing with a piece of charcoal with the infamous King of Curses seating right beside you, watching you draw will whispering in your ear the threats that he would bombard you in order for you to make sure that you were only drawing him and him only.

Slowly but in a shaking manner, your drawing hand continued to sketch in Sukuna’s markings that would appear on Itadori’s body as you were somewhat extremely afraid of what the King of Curses could do to you if you didn’t - just how you left 1000 years ago.

Although unknown to you, your best-friend Itadori was standing right behind you, having a clear view of what was happening to you as well as the drawing right in front of him. Seeing your shaking figure with slow but clear teardrops landing on the sketch book as well as the drawing evolving from him to the curse residing inside of him, made him realise how damaging Sukuna was to not only him but also to the people around him. Carefully, Itadori placed a hand over your hand that held the pencil, causing you to flinch before finally noticing that it was your friend that was holding it and not the special grade curse.

Within his Innate Domain, Sukuna also had a clear view on what was happening to you and slowly but strangely began to feel something drop to his stomach with the feeling of his throat closing up at the sight of you slowly breaking down into a small state of insanity. This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want his beautiful little one to become lifeless and paranoid like you were now.

Even after 1000 years after your death, your incarnation was carrying the feeling of fear, despair and numbness that you were weighed upon the second you had given your life away to the King of Curses for the sake of your village. Even though you had more freedom then you did then, you still left trapped and lost within the metal cage that Sukuna had enclosed you in. Even with the small hint of guilt that was manifested within the cruel curse’s heart. 

You were trapped with no escape out.

You were trapped forever with no key to open the door that was clearly right in front of you.

Forever his little caged artist.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #ryomen sukuna #sukuna #jujutsu kaisen ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #jjk ryomen #jjk sukuna #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna imagine #ryomen sukuna imagines #sukuna imagines #sukuna imagine #sukuna ryomen imagines #sukuna ryomen imagine

[coccinelle-et-chaton]

hi i come bearing humanitarian relief from optygami

so like, yikes huh?

I didn't expect all the angst and that last scene absolutely DESTROYED me in the worst possible way. Anywhoo, I was so unwell that I dreamt a follow-up. This is a new level of brainrot. So, without further ado welcoome to another edition of

bullet point fics that i'll probably never write but I need to get out of my system: post-Optygami edition

After Optygami, Chat pretends he's ok but he's actually quite sad that Ladybug didn't need him to defeat the Akuma. Even more so, that instead of going for him, she went for Rena and Carapace.

lol Milk Bar scene 2.0.

He tries to hide it, but unlike other things that make him sad like oh idk, his entire family life, this is new. And he can't hide it because Ladybug was the one person that never failed to make him feel needed and wanted.

So, he's at school and he's looking sad and Marinette notices. She kicks into Supporting Friend Mode the way she's done with Zoé, Juleka etc. and asks him what's wrong. Adrien at first doesn't want to say, but Marinette gives her one of her Motivational Speeches™️ and convinces him.

Adrien says that it's hard to explain, but he feels like someone really loves is pushing him to the side and he feels like he is not needed anywhere.

Marinette will very much Not Have That

So she starts telling him all the good things she sees in him and how everyone, especially her, is lucky to have him around. And girl ain't even blushing or stuttering.

"Adrien you're always so kind and compassionate to everyone, you always make time for us even though your Father is so strict with you. You're always willing to give everyone the benefit of doubt, even when they don't deserve it. You're a great friend"

Adrien high key is tearing up btw

And my boy is so starved for affection that he's just. He falls for her immediately??? He never realized Marinette saw him like that??

He feels so acknowledged???????

also Nino sees and he reassures him as well.

"Whoever this friend is can go take a hike if they don't value you, dude. smh I'll throw hands for you."

appreciate the i r o n y

THEN...

Alya figures out Adrien is Chat Noir and she has that oh no moment. Without telling Mari why, she is ADAMANT that she tells Chat immediately about everything that has been going on with the guardianship.

"Trust me Marinette. Just trust me. You NEED to tell Chat about these things."

Marinette confesses she had not told him because she knows he's going to be very angry at her that she relied on someone else in her hour of need and she's scared she might lose him because lesser things have made him doubt himself to the point of returning the ring.

"Alya you don't understand," she says crying. "I know him. I know this is is going to hurt him so much."

Alya, out of curiosity, asks why she came to her and not Chat when things got too heavy and Marinette explains the incident in Chat Blanc and how absolutely scared to the bone she is that it might happen again. Not because she wouldn't be able to fix it, but because she couldn't bear seeing Chat being hurt like that again.

Eventually Marinette gathers the courage to tell Chat Noir and of course he's sad, heartbroken, angry and no matter how much Ladybug tries to apologize or reassure him that she trusts him, he simply can't.

Chat says he understands that she needed to lean on someone and it's her right to choose who that is.

"Don't worry m'lady, I understand. But... I need some time off. After all, something tells me you'll make do even if i'm not there."

BIG OUCH 😃

Marinette is devastated and recognizes her mistake and understands she is in no position to ask Chat to be there but that doesn't help the fact she's absolutely heartbroken.

As a civilian, Adrien notices Marinette is sad and talks to her. Mari cries bc she says she made a terrible mistake and she managed to really hurt one of the friends she loves the most and is scared she lost them for good.

Adrien consoles her and tells her she did the right thing by coming clean to them, and that she should have faith in her friend bc "friends fight sometimes Mari, it's normal, right? They will come around. You were honest with them, and that's what matters. They'll appreciate it eventually."

"Besides, e-even if they don't... I-i'll always be here for you"

"And if they don't, I'll personally go and punch your friend in the face"

aaaahhhh adrinette fluff.

And so, while ladynoir is crumbling to pieces, adrinette is like, VERY close to becoming canon but bc of what happened in ladynoir they refrain from showing their romantic feelings but are like, "No way I'm making the same mistakes again" so they become each other's closest confident (sans the whole Miraculous thing of course)

Adrien starts telling Mari about "this friend" and the problems in his family. Marinette start tellings him about "these responsibilities" and "this friend I have" and they unintentionally coach the other through how to proceed to heal the ladynoir partnership.

Simultaneously, Adrien's help lets Marinette understand how very much she loves Chat and him taking the break from Ladybug's company and replacing it with Marinette, lets him know how head over heels he had been for her all this time = tada! reverse love square.

They become super, super close friends. Like deadass ppl think they're dating (but what else is new smh)

"Ha ha, no. We're Just Very Good Friends™️" *they say as they're literally holding hands or snuggling on a bench*

Eventually Chat Noir comes out of his little break and Ladybug and him meet up to talk and it's like, an ugly crying sobfest ahaha :)

LB apologizes again and begs him to forgive her, she promises she'll do better and she'll show him how much she need him and--

"M'lady, stop. I already forgave you. It's all water under the bridge so--

"No! No it's not, because I can't believe I made you think you're dispensible. Chat Noir you're my partner and you'll always be my partner and I treated you like you weren't but I just... I couldn't tell you, Chaton. I couldn't--"

"But why? What couldn't you tell me, m'lady?"

LB breaks down and explains the Chat Blanc incident to him

"I was so scared. I was so afraid for you and so terrified that I wouldn't be able to bring you back. I'd never be able to forgive myself if one day I cannot bring you back, Chat. I want to know who you are but if knowing puts you at risk, then I won't do it. I love you more than I want to know your identity."

ajgkfahgfak gajfkk UGLY SOBBING.

"Then... that means we cannot be together... ever?" Chat asks and his voice is cracking because he's doing all humanly possible not to cry too.

"Not until Hawkmoth is defeated. I promise minou, as soon as we defeat him, we can be together. In the meantime, we have to keep the secret."

Chat Noir gently wipes off the tears from Ladybug and steps closer to her and goes "Then, m'lady, if you'll allow it, I'd like us to keep one more secret."

He leans down slowly, to give LB a chance to say no if she doesn't want it to happen, but she doesn't stop him. They kiss.

"This one stays between us," Chat mutters and then smirks at her. "See you in the next Akuma, m'lady."

The end.

#this came to me in a dream #my soul will not know rest until the season is over and i've come to terms with the fact this is my life now. this is how i live my days. #ml fanfic #ml flash fanfic #miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #hurt comfort #ladynoir #adrinette #lovesquare #love square #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug #chat noir

[loversandantiheroes]

One of these days I want to see/write a Frankie fic where something comes up that forces him into more of the hardened-protector mode and he orders the reader to leave/turn around/don’t look because of what he’s about to do, defensive and sharp and already having assessed the situation and he WILL handle it, but the ruthless efficiency, the WAY in which he does it is not something he wants his significant other to see. He doesn’t want them to see this, and he’s not asking when he tells them not to watch.

On that note tbh I could see that same scenario with other Pedro characters, Javi or Whiskey or Mando all being good options as far as that’s concerned.

But just the idea of him not wanting them to know what he’s capable of when it comes down to it because he’s aware of the dangers of his occupation/former occupation, he’s aware of some of the things he’s had to do, and he really, really doesn’t want you to know it. He doesn’t want you thinking of how dangerous he is. What else he’s had to do in his life. What his hands are capable of. He /needs/ for there to be a distinct separation of those facets of himself. He /will/ keep you safe and part of that means ensuring you’re not around for when he is not the safe one

Oh, nonny, this is an angsty, angsty can of worms.  I might float back around to this for Frankie when I have a little more time to elaborate, bc this is definitely something that deserves its own fic you are 110% correct on this (and you may have given me some thoughts to add to an upcoming chapter of another thing. so thank you kindly for that), but in the meantime have some short takes.  Mentions of blood and violence behind the cut.

For Whiskey it’s not so much that he’s afraid to let you see what he’s capable of.  When Whiskey’s committed to someone he is shockingly honest; he cannot stand lying to somebody he cares about.  So if it’s something he can tell you, he will tell you, no holds barred, unless you flat out tell him you can’t bear to hear it.  But the bottom line is that he never needs to be afraid of what you might find out about him, because that’s something he’s laid bare to you a long time ago.  You know who he is and what he’s done, the risks he takes.  What scares him is having that part of his job anywhere near you, especially when he can’t be there to protect you.  The thought of you being in danger on account of him is absolutely terrifying.  He’s already lost one love, he’s not about to lose another.  So you better believe that if the worst should happen and you’re in danger, he can and will do whatever is necessary to keep you safe.  And if he tells you to look away, it’s only because there are some things he knows are impossible to forget, and he’s more than willing to carry that for the both of you.

Din won’t even stop to think about it.  There’s certain risks inherent to being with him, being important to him, and he does his best to shield you from that whenever he can.  This usually translates to trying to keep you at a respectable distance in front of others.  Physical contact is off-limits in public, and he does his level best to feign a sort of aloofness to your presence.  It’s still harder than it ought to be, even under that damned helmet.  And sometimes he just isn’t that lucky. 

So the first time someone decides to make a name for themself and tries to take out the Mandalorian’s significantly less-armored partner first...things get messy.  Fighting is like breathing for him, not effortless, but natural.  It’s all necessity and instinct...until it isn’t.  He doesn’t know when efficiency blurred into brutality, all he knows is his beskar is more red than silver and you’re staring at him in absolute shock, the color draining out of your face as you stare down at the mess he’s made of your would-be attacker. 

For days after you flinch any time he moves too quickly, and that just about kills him.  He’s never been ashamed of what he does before, but the thought that you’re scared of him...that’s too much.  So he keeps his voice down, softens his steps, takes a couple lightweight jobs off Greef Karga just to give you some room to breathe without him so close.  He seeks you out when the job’s done and the bounties are stowed away in carbonite, more than relieved when you acknowledge his presence with a hesitant smile instead of a wince, dropping down onto the floor next to you and swearing on his life that he’ll never make you afraid again.

Javi is much the same.  The trouble with him is he doesn’t have the luxury of shame in the moment, but by god he has it in spades after.  He’s not proud of the things he’s done, the things he’s found himself willing to do when he felt like there were no better options.  He’ll spare you that side of himself for as long as he possibly can - he has a hard enough time looking at himself in the mirror some mornings, he doesn’t want to risk finding out whether or not you could.  If you’re in danger and there’s any chance of forethought, of planning, he’ll do his damnedest to keep the dirtiest work away from you. There might be blood grimed into his knuckles when he finally gets you back in his arms and the hot coppery taste of panic in his mouth when he kisses you, but you didn’t have to see what he did to keep you safe, and he can live with that.

But Frankie, oh dear boy.  This is his worst nightmare  His dangerous days are supposed to be behind him.  Door shut firm and locked.  Parts come out in little bursts sometimes, stories told around the fire when the boys are around and he’s a few beers in; door opening just a crack.  But even a crack is enough for you to get the sense of what lies beyond - the way his eyes will suddenly harden, the warmth seeping out of them.  You’re not about to play Bluebeard’s wife; if he needs that door to stay shut, then it stays shut, and he is grateful beyond words for that.  Frankie might be a little reckless in the right circumstances, but he’s level-headed and the first to try to de-escalate a situation.  It would take something truly awful to kick that door down, for his ever-spinning brain to run the calculations and decide that the clearest, quickest, cleanest course of action is going to be something so ugly.  If you’re in danger, Frankie’s going to act, there’s no question about it.  But if you’re in danger because of his mistakes?  If, say, some of the guys connected to Lorea have started tracking down the ones responsible for all their money going up in smoke?  Well, if the skeletons in his closet have rattled themselves to life and are coming after you, he’s going to snap.  There’s no reasoning with that, there’s no smoothing it over, that is the direct consequences of his actions threatening your life and he is not okay with any of it.  He will do absolutely anything he has to in order to keep you safe, but he will also do everything he can to keep you from seeing just how far he’ll go.  Letting you see that side of him, how quick he is to do the most unthinkable things, will absolutely destroy him.  But worst of all: it won’t stop him.

#Anonymous #the collected pedros #agent whiskey #jack whiskey daniels #din djarin #javier peña #frankie morales #this was an exceedingly good ask nonny #I definitely want to come back to this when I have more brain function

[tsukkisbean]

haikyuu nsfw alphabet series | tendō satori

please block #claras steamys if you don’t want to see this type of content!!

warnings: sexual themes, mentions of (unprotected) sex, voyuerism, bondage, edging,  fem!reader

a/n:  based on post time skip!! okay i don’t talk a lot about tendō so it was super fun to analyze him and bring my headcanons to life bc he’s definitely a hard hard dom!! this is also unedited pls excuse any unfinished sentences or mistakes

return to nsfw alphabet series masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

i think tendō would be surprisingly big on aftercare. given how he acts in the bedroom (detailed later) he makes sure that you are well taken care of after a long session together. like he’ll grab some water and a towel and help you get cleaned up and comfortable. maybe in the morning he’ll have a super simple breakfast ready like a toast and coffee or tea or maybe even some chocolate depending on the time of day

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favourite body part of his is 100000% his fingers. his hands are large, fingers long and skinny and he absolutely loves the way they look shoved down into your pretty mouth, around your throat, or fingering your wet cunt.

he absolutely loves your mouth (detailed more below!!)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

so based on the above tendō loves when you’re sitting on your knees, waiting for him to cum in your mouth. there’s just something about the way you look with his cum painted all over your tongue. and it drives him especially crazy when you lick your lips to clean up the drops that are spilling down the corner of your mouth because you don’t want to waste a single drop

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

honestly? i don’t think he has any, mainly because he’s not afraid to be open with you. he strikes me as the type with absolutely no filter and so he’s going to tell you everything and anything on his mind whether it’s a random dirty thought or something new that he wants to try with you

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i’m a little on the fence about this mainly because tendō has a personality that people need time to get used to and understand. so that being said, i don’t think he has a lot of experience, BUT he knows what he’s doing (from watching a lot of porn probably)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

you’re on your back, legs spread out wide, his hands wrapped around your ankles, holding your legs in the air while he fucks you

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not goofy, but i wanna say he’s more playful. he likes to talk dirty, and say things he knows will make you embarrassed. loves the expression when you’re lost for words but also clearly turned on!!

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not groomed whatsoever like i cannot see him giving a crap about what he looks like down there

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

honestly i think he gets so into the whole sex aspect that he completely forgets about being romantic for the most part. he’ll do things like praise you, and maybe a kiss or two here or there but most of it will just be him focusing on fucking you and help you reach your high

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he knows that you know and you know that he knows, yet you don’t move from your spot hiding spot. you didn’t intend for this to happen; all you wanted was to surprise tendō by finally coming home early for once. you peer through the crack in the door, reveling at the way your boyfriend looked with his eyes shut, head thrown back, and those beautiful fingers wrapped around the base of his cock. it feels weird to be spying on your boyfriend, someone you were regularly intimate with, yet you can’t seem to tear your eyes away.  you don’t realize, but your mouth hangs open, drool dribbling down your chin.

the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as your boyfriend’s voice cuts through the silence in the air, “are you going to just sit there like a dirty slut and me jack off or are you going to come suck my dick?”

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

tendō enjoyed seeing the look of defeat on his opponents faces when he played volleyball and i think that translates into the bedroom. he’s the type that loves to see his partner struggle (i would say he’s pretty much a sadist) and so i can think of A LOT of things he’d be into but i’m going to just keep it to top 3. 

1. bondage: loves to tie you up, your hands completely bound, eyes covered with a blindfold so you can’t move in any way. the power he feels just seeing you struggle, the way your face contorts in frustration because your arms are bound and your vision is temporarily taken away is immense

2. exhibitionism: absolutely LOVES the thrill of the two you possibly getting caught will having sex; the expression of the unsuspecting person.he gets especially excited at the way you clench around him because you’re nervous someone will spot you even though you’re okay with the exhibitionism

3. edging: favourite way to do this is first by eating you out. as soon as he feels your thighs about to quiver, he’ll pull away. next, he’ll pump his fingers in and out of your drenched cunt, fingers curling every so often. when he he feels you clench around his fingers, he’ll stop again. to top it off, he’ll fuck into you, slamming his hips against yours but at a painstakingly slow pace. loves the way you beg and cry for him to let you cum.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the balcony of your apartment!! checks off all his boxes. it’s accessible and there’s the possibility of getting caught

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

dirty talk!!! if you want to get him all riled, tell him all the things you want him to do. better yet, tell him all the things you want to do him and you guys will be in the bedroom in no time

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i can’t think of a single thing. i think tendō is one of the most open to experimenting when it comes to sex and he won’t really know he doesn’t like it until he actually tries it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this might come as a surprise to some, but i think he prefers to oral. the man is skilled with his tongue. he loves the way you squirm in his grasp, needy for more, but refuses to give it to you just because it’s fun to him

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough; he likes to build up the momentum and right when you’re about to cum he’ll stop. continues that pattern until you’re reduced to a blabbering mess

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not a fan because he prefers to draw out each time with you as long as he can. will only do it if he’s super desperate and he knows you guys can’t wait for the right moment

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

this man is down to do everything and anything that you want. he probably has a long list of things he wants to try with you and it grow every single day.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

can accomplish anything he puts his mind to so i would say his stamina is pretty high. he could probably go for at least 3 rounds, each lasting around 30-45 minutes (including foreplay)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

lots of different toys for the both of you to use on each other!!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

given his kinks tendō is the biggest tease but he’s not cruel; over time he’s learned your limits and will push you just until you’re a quivering, crying mess  because he knows you can take it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not super loud, but he’s extremely vocal in the sense that he likes whispering dirty things and praises in your ear (with the occasional grunt or moan in-between) cause he knows it makes your skin crawl.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand on the balcony of your shared apartment with your boyfriend. one hand grasps the railing in front of you, the other presses firmly against your mouth. the feeling of your boyfriend’s lips merely ghosting against the nape of your neck is enough to send electric currents up your spine, “kitten, why are you so shy today?” 

in one swift movement, both your arms are pinned against your back, your chest meeting the frosty glass of the balcony. his thrusts are long and deep, and with each one it becomes harder and harder to hold back your pathetic cries.

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand with your boyfriend for anyone to watch as they please.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

longer than average, average girth and a slight curve to the right

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

h i g h. mainly cause he randomly thinks of something new that he wants to try with you and can’t calm down until it happens

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

honestly he probably falls asleep while cuddling you almost instantly after you guys are done

#haikyuu smut #hq thirst #tendou smut #tendou x reader #tendou satori #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #clara click clacks #claras steamys

[lovetenya]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧

pairing: tamaki amajiki x gn! reader

warnings: pretty angsty, relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, descriptions/imaginations of choking (it’s figurative and imaginary, it’s demonstrated with snakes), hurt/comfort, reassurance, worrying, ???, ENDS IN FLUFF I PROMISE!!

word count: 1.7k 

author’s note: okay OKAY I’m sorry this took so long, i’m now onto the ones that i’m coming up with completely from scratch, because i’m not writing them from outlines. as always, this is all over the place bc i love inserting 294848 different scenarios into one work. someday, maybe, i will focus on one plot line. today is not that day. ALTHOUGH THIS ISN’T THAT BAD BY MY STANDARDS, I’M SORRY TAMAKI, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

being in love with tamaki amajiki is green.

it’s the small, fragile beansprouts he grew from the tips of his fingers at lunch time when you were kids, and he was trying to show you that his quirk was nothing to be afraid of. the other kids didn’t talk to him because they thought his tentacles were scary, but you just thought they were neat. 

he knew you before he knew mirio, and you were the reason he even considered talking to the loud, sunshine boy in the first place. you gave him the confidence to try to make new friends, to try to choke down the green of the nausea that comes with uncertainty.

“maybe not everyone is going to be mean to me,” he thought, slightly emboldened at the fact that he had a friend now. ‘y/n,” he thought. “they’re my friend now...”

it all started years ago in primary school when you noticed how he sat alone at his desk, drawing pictures of animals while the other kids played. his crayons never seemed to stop moving, and the green jungles he colored were detailed with a wide variety of wildlife and plants. 

he liked to be alone, where it was quiet and safe, and nobody would pick on him or ask too much of him. everyone knew that the tears that formed on his lashes were a common occurrence, so they tried to avoid pressing him too much. his peace usually remained undisturbed, until there was you. 

you walked up to show him a drawing you made of a spider. he jumped in fear, both at the drawing of a weirdly-realistic spider, but also the fact that someone was talking to him. 

“why don’t they know to just leave me alone?” he thought, already shaking in his seat. his blood ran cold, spit filled his mouth, and a bright green nausea overtook all of his senses. he looked up at your face, wincing and bracing himself for a playground insult. kids were creative, and he knew that all too well. 

“hi.. amajiki. i like your drawing. do you like animals too?”

“mm-hm..” he softly replied. this was new.

“what’s your favorite one?” you knew to keep it simple, because he clearly wasn’t comfortable speaking. he never raised his hand, even when his favorite subjects were brought up in class or when everyone was encouraged to participate. this time, however, was different. this time, there was you.

where mirio was his sun, you were his stars.

where mirio loudly encouraged him, you provided your gentle, guiding support, and always proved to be a perfect shoulder to lean a head into.

“i.. i like butterflies a lot.”

and so it began.

—

since you met, there were many periods of closeness and distance between you and tamaki, which is typical of childhood friends. you could go weeks without talking and then come right back together, making each other giggle with your newest ideas about the funniest things tamaki could do with his quirk. 

one day, you joked, “what if you ate a clam, manifested the shell, and then just knocked somebody over the head with it??? the guy would fall down like blehhh and that would be so funny!!!”

he laughed a little, before deadpanning. “wait a minute.... i think.. i think you might be onto something.”

—

tamaki remembers that the most nervous he’s ever been was while your relationship was still green. the two of you took a walk through a community garden after grabbing a quick dinner with mirio and nejire, and the two of them mysteriously had to leave at the same time, leaving the two of you alone. (the return of ultimate wingmen, mirio and nejire!) 

normally, he’d feel anxious about being in public, but he was okay because you were right there with him. you were here, walking shoulder to shoulder with him, through a garden full of butterflies. what more could he ask for? 

he didn’t have to worry about being judged or being teased, because it was you. the leaves surrounding you felt like nothing more than company. as you made your way through the beautiful maze of plants, flowers, and stone statues, it was just you two in the whole wide world, taking it all in and enjoying each other’s company.

although he hadn’t always known what his feelings meant, he now realized that he’s a crush on you for as long as he could remember. while mirio had several different flings, tamaki always had his eyes on you. nobody was as understanding, as considerate, and as perfect as you. he didn’t want to be like this with anyone but you.

his hand twitched toward yours, but he didn’t dare. he couldn’t risk the pain of rejection, he wouldn’t risk it. if it meant he could possibly lose you, it wasn’t worth it. luckily for tamaki, you didn’t share the same fear, and slowly took his hand in yours. he harshly avoided eye contact, desperate to not let you see his crimson red blush. you knew he had a hard time telling people what he really felt, but he wasn’t usually this quiet with you. 

“tamaki, is this okay?” you questioned.

“yeah. it’s.. good. i like it.”

—

green is the matcha-flavored boba tea that tamaki sips on while you’re on a date. he asks, “y/n, do you like seafood?” before he balances a boba pearl on the tip of his tongue and laughs. what a dork, you think, and then balance a pearl on yours. this is what tamaki needed sometimes, normal moments of relaxation, and you’re more than happy to provide him with it.

—

however, being in love with tamaki is also loving him through the moments that are hard, and when you can’t lean on each other, because it’s all too much. the moments where the problem is between you, and isn’t easily defined and solved. these are the moments when he’s green with envy, or sick to his stomach with worry, or overrun with anxiety at the most simple things. 

these are the moments where you’re tired, or overwhelmed, or you just can’t handle his emotional intensity today, even though you wish you could. you love him, of course you do, there would never be a moment in time where your heart wasn’t bursting for him, but every person has their limits.

these breaking moments are the ones where one of you blurts something you don’t mean in a moment of anger, cracking the meticulously constructed façade, which is in place to spare the other’s feelings.

they’re the moments where your mind goes blank, and all you can think of is, “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”

they’re the moments spent frantically comforting, speaking through tears, words spilling out. they’re the moments where his head lays sobbing in your lap, and his arms circle your waist, desperate to hold onto something, anything. desperate to hold onto you, so that you don’t leave him. your words come out shaky, because even they aren’t really sure how to make this all better. how can you fix what was never meant to be broken? it’s uncertain, but you can’t ever finish if you never begin. you reassure him as many times as he needs to hear it.

“god, i’m so sorry, tamaki, i didn’t mean it, i promise i didn’t mean it.”

even though he says he forgives you, that it’s over with, you know he’s replaying every lilt of your voice, where it broke when you were angry. 

you know he’s feeling more than he lets on, but doesn’t share those intensities because he doesn’t want to come on too strong. you know better than to trust a simple “i’m fine, y/n. really.”

he’s not lying just to lie, because he’s never felt anything truer than his love for you. he’s doing it because he doesn’t want you to understand the heartbreak that often comes with love. he doesn’t want you to feel suffocated, or like you’re being strangled by thousands of emerald green scaled snakes. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their bodies coiled around your throat, like he does. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their scales: cool yet burning, smooth yet slicing, glide across your skin gently, intending to strangle. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their eyes boring into you, threatening under the ruse of being calculating. 

he doesn’t want you to feel what he does, so he hides it. even though he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t help it.

he can’t help how much he loves you, how afraid he is to lose you, how scared he gets whenever mirio and you are paired up together for a class.

he can’t help that he feels like time is running out, your life together is wilting away, and that you’re slipping through his fingers like fine sand.

but you know, truly and wholeheartedly, that his insecurity didn’t deem him invaluable or unworthy of love. his fear and his worries didn’t take away your love, and they never would. every moment spent reminding him that i’m not going anywhere, was worth it. because he’s worth it, and this was something worth fighting for. he’s worth the fighting and the courage it all takes, because he is what makes you whole. he, and everything he is, is worth loving, because there’s value to the things that break us.

--

being in love with tamaki is grassy green countrysides and wildflower stems, and finding little adventures in every single day. it’s reassurance through the irrational, it’s validation through the pain. it’s not loving despite, it’s loving because.

loving tamaki is green in its youth, in its freshness, in its refreshing reminder that you are loved. you are loved so vividly, so intensely, so naturally. 

tamaki loves you, and you know that, because he wouldn’t be able to muster the courage to let those words spill unless he really, truly meant it.

with you, tamaki can let a little loose, a little bit wild. he can let the vines restraining him wilt away into nothing.

because no matter what, it’s all worth it in the end.

—

thanks for reading! love, tj 🪶

color series masterlist

main masterlist

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #tamaki amajiki x gn!reader #tamaki amajiki x y/n #tamaki amajiki #tamaki amajiki x you #tamaki amajiki x reader #tamaki amajiki x gn reader #mha tamaki #mha tamaki amajiki #bnha tamaki #bnha tamaki amajiki #suneater #bnha suneater #mha suneater #suneater x reader #tj’s color series #my writing

[sanktnikolais]

Right Here, With You

A/N: More role swap au bc i love this au sm and i am trash for guard Nik and crown princess Zoya, plus Lada being the best wingman ft. the Bataar twins KHJASDKLJ and also bc @wafflesandkruge wanted more role swap au

Word count: 2271

When you were forced to kneel before royalty, it meant you were about to plead for them to spare your life. 

          But for Nikolai’s case, it was for an entirely different reason. 

          He waited patiently with his eyes closed as per the request of the princess. But it had already been a few minutes and still nothing had happened. 

          "Am I supposed to be worried, princess?" he asked, inclining his head to the side to try and hear what could she be doing. But the wind blowing around them muffled everything. "I'm afraid I might accidentally fall asleep in this position." 

          "Be patient, Nicky," Lada said, and Nikolai almost laughed at the nickname. He was reminded of the time he introduced himself with that name to a certain crown princess. "Tolya and Tamar didn't even complain when I made them wait."

          The twin guards had disappeared for a while now, to check on something they said. They’d both left in a hurry, and if it was some other time, Nikolai would have been worried that they’d sensed upcoming trouble in the palace. 

          But the look on their faces only showed amusement that he found a bit strange. In the years he had known them, they only made that look whenever they were planning to pull a prank on him. 

          Now that he thought of it, he sighed in exasperation. Lada must have made them an accomplice to whatever she was doing. 

          Nikolai chuckled. "A good point," he said, shifting on his other knee and resting his arm over it. "I do hope this isn't some sort of prank with you bolting quietly and leaving me here looking like I'm proposing to the wind." 

          Lada giggled. "Tempting, but no," she said. There was a hint of mischief in the little princess' tone when she added, "This is much better."

          Nikolai’s eyebrows furrowed. If there was anything else the younger princess was other than smart, it was mischievous. "Now I am worried." He paused, risking a peek on one eye, but he only had a second of seeing a blur of colors before she was covering his eyes with her small hands. 

          "No fair! I said no peeking!" Lada complained, and then he felt a rather strong flick on his forehead. "Now I know why you and Zoya get along. You're both stubborn." 

          The mention of the crown princess’ smile brought a smile to his lips. "I am merely trying to get some air back in my eyes, little princess," he said. 

          "Don't worry, it's almost—" Lada stopped abruptly, making Nikolai furrow his eyebrows. He was about to open his eyes when he felt her hand patting his head. "I know you're tempted, but no peeking." 

          "Are we waiting for night time?" 

          The younger princess giggled again. "One second," she said. 

          He waited again, and after another moment, he felt something soft placed on his head. 

          "Open your eyes." Lada's voice came again, the mischief from earlier now replaced with a hint of excitement. 

          Nikolai did what he was told and opened his eyes, squinting slightly from the light. The younger princess' bright smile greeted him when his sight finally adjusted. His hand shot up to his head. 

          Around it was what he felt to be a flower crown. 

          "There you go," said Lada, her smile only growing wider as she clasped both of her hands to her chest. "You're a prince now."

          A smile twitched to Nikolai’s lips as he looked over the younger princess fondly. She really was the Palace’s ray of sunshine. “I am honored, Your Highness,” he said, bowing his head. Then with a curious look, he asked, "A prince of what, if I may know?" 

          He heard her stern voice cut through the gardens even before Lada could reply. "Alright, you two, this is getting obnoxious. Just tell me where we're going," Zoya complained.  "I still have a lot of training to do—" 

          Lada practically squealed and jumped down from the small rock she was sitting on. She bolted towards her older sister with excitement. Nikolai got up and followed his gaze to the two royals, his smile turning fond as he watched the young princess grab at her sister's hand. 

          And pulled her towards him. 

          He blinked. Zoya's usual dresses were replaced by an armor over a tunic and trousers, something he rarely saw her in. Even back when he first saw her more than a decade ago, unsure and holding the sword incorrectly, she had been wearing a loose dress. 

          Now she looked different. She looked better. Strong. Regal. Beautiful. 

          Still so beautiful. 

          He couldn't help staring. 

          "What—" Zoya stopped when their eyes met. 

          Nikolai felt his breath hitch as if he was embarrassed of getting caught gawking. A surge of warmth bloomed in his chest. He really had it bad. Behind her, the twins stood, both of them giving him a knowing look. Tamar wiggled her eyebrows and winked. Heat rose up to his ears, making him avert his eyes. 

          He would never hear the end of their teasing later in their quarters. 

          The crown princess frowned, making him snap out of his thoughts. He raised a questioning eyebrow. 

          She pointed a finger as his head. "Where did that come from?"

          "Yours truly," Lada answered for him, grinning up to her sister. She pushed Zoya forward until she was in front of Nikolai, and it was only when he realized that they were suddenly close. 

          He automatically took a step back. "I, uh, good morning, Your Highness." He winced on how breathless he sounded. He cleared his throat. "It's good to see you." 

          Wow, real smooth, Lantsov, Nikolai scolded in his head. Saints, he was like a hopeless boy embarrassing himself in front of the girl he liked. A situation which was most likely true. 

          Zoya raised an eyebrow, an amused expression on her face. "Are you alright, Captain? 

          "Of course." He shook himself and  regained his composure. He put on his signature grin, finding it come to him easily. "Why wouldn't I be?"

          Lada cleared her throat. "Alright, I will save you from further embarrassing yourself, Nicky," she said as she climbed the boulder in front of them. 

          Nikolai held his arm out to guide the younger princess up, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zoya do the same. 

          "I'm okay," Lada said. She stared at them both for another moment, then she smiled. "Perfect, everyone's here. Let's get to the final part of the ceremony."

          A frown appeared on Nikolai’s face. "What ceremony?" 

          "Why, your wedding, of course." 

          He sputtered, and Zoya went still beside him. He tried to ignore the sting in his chest. It wasn't as if someone like her would look at a mere guard like him, much less marry him. But it still pricked at his heart all the same. 

          "I can't believe you made me come here for that," Zoya said, shaking her head. Nikolai would have believed that she was mad had there not been an amused smile playing on her lips. "But I guess I'll play along." 

          "The crown princess suddenly playing along?" he said and raised a brow. "Very, very unexpected." 

          She challenged his look with her own. "Why, Lantsov, I thought you would like this?" she said. "Or are you afraid that you might fall in love with me after this?" 

          I already am. Nikolai covered with a laugh. "I could ask the same to you." 

          "Confident, aren't we?" 

          "Only for you." 

          Zoya shook her head with a laugh, facing forwards to Lada again. The younger princess was grinning at them, her eyes bright as the morning sun. 

          "Let's get on it, shall we?" she said, clasping both of her hands in front of her chest in delight. Then she cleared her throat and mustered up a serious face that made Nikolai want to chuckle. "Do you, Grumpy Crown Princess Zoya" —Nikolai stifled a laugh— "take this idiotic but endearing Captain of the Guard as your companion in life, to argue with and train with or whatever, to hold from this day forward without wanting to strangle him, to be there for him in times of plenty and need, to love and cherish, for the rest of your lives?" 

          A beat, and then Zoya shrugged, a small smile on her lips. "It's not like I have a choice. I guess I do."

          Nikolai chuckled. "Good one," he said. 

          Lada looked pleased, and then turned to Nikolai with a sly expression. He furrowed his eyebrows. What could she be thinking again? 

          His question in his head was unanswered when the younger princess continued again. 

          "Do you, Prince Nicky of the high seas" —Zoya snorted at the nickname— "take my big, grumpy sister as your lifetime partner, to bicker with and to share your secrets with, to be the sunshine to her storms and the smiles to her scowls, to support her all her ideas except the bad ones, to love and cherish her, for the rest of your lives?"

          He pretended to think for a moment. "I don't," he said, dragging the word, "think I would refuse." In front of him, Zoya rolled her eyes. "I do." 

          If it was still possible, Lada's grin became even wider. "By the power bestowed upon me by whoever, I pronounce you man and wife." She jumped on the boulder a few times. "You may now kiss the bride."

          Nikolai blinked. He had totally forgotten about that part. When he looked over to Zoya, he noticed that she mirrored his expression. Maybe she had forgotten about it as well. 

          He breathed deeply, but it didn't help calm the erratic beating of his heart. "Well, you said you'll play along with it," he said, almost in a whisper, and he leaned forward. 

          Zoya sucked in a breath, making him stop a few inches away from her lips. There was a dead silence that washed over the garden, and nothing but his breathing could be heard. Nikolai wasn't really going to do it, despite wanting to, and he wondered how it would feel if he kissed her. It would be so easy to touch hand to her face, to pull her towards him and close the distance between them. 

          She's a royal, Lantsov, his mind berated. Know your place. 

          He almost smiled bitterly. It would just be a good dream. 

          With a sly grin to cover up for his lamenting, he took her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles instead. 

          The surprised look on her face made him want to laugh. "Disappointed?" 

          She gaped at him for a moment, and then she pulled away from his touch, redness rising to her cheeks. "You wish." 

          Somewhere behind Nikolai, Tolya's deep laugh echoed through the gardens. He turned to look at the giant with a raised brow, and he only had a second to blink before the twins were stepping forward and tackling him in a hug as if the wedding was real and they were happy for him. 

          But the look in their eyes told him that they were. Weirdly as it sounded, he found it endearing. 

          "Congratulations, Captain," Tamar said with a smile. Then she was also pulling Zoya with them, putting her next to Nikolai. Tolya picked Lada up and placed her on one broad shoulder. "Well, I'd say congratulations to you both."

          "I can't believe you two are accomplices to this atrocity," Zoya mumbled. 

          Nikolai huffed a laugh. "Tell me about it." 

          He let the moment pass for another long moment. It would only be brief before they were back to being guards to the princesses again. 

          But perhaps he could dream that this was real. 

***

"Nikolai." 

          The memory faded in Nikolai's mind as he looked back to the stormy blue eyes that he had adored for more than a decade now. A smile made its way to his face, realizing the moment he was in now. 

          The chapel waited in excitement, and his smile only became wider. 

          "If you leave me hanging and only kiss my hand again," Zoya said, her eyes bright, "I will run away from our wedding night." 

          Nikolai laughed, his vision suddenly blurring. "Why settle for only that," he said, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, "when I can now do both?"

          She laughed, the sound coming out breathless. A tear fell from her eye, and he reached up to wipe it away. "Then just get on with it." 

          "As you wish, my love." 

          He placed his other hand to her cheek, pulling her to him, and she met him halfway. When their lips finally met, the chapel erupted in cheers and happy shouts, and he could swear one of the loudest was coming from Lada somewhere in the front pew. 

          Zoya clutched at his collar and pulled him closer, feeling her smile against his mouth. He could get lost in this moment forever, the world could fall around them, and he was sure he would never mind one bit now that he was finally hers, and she his. 

          The cheers continued on even as they pulled away, and he rested his forehead to hers, eyes still closed. Everything felt surreal, but the warmth and calmness in his heart told him otherwise. 

          Finally. 

          "I love you," he said, breathless from the euphoria, making Zoya laugh. 

          "I love you too, Captain." She pulled him to another kiss again, and he welcomed her openly. 

          With the feeling of content in his chest and the love of his life in his arms, Nikolai knew he was home. 

#zoyalai #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #lada garin #tolya yul bataar #tamar kir bataar #king of scars #my writing #mORE ROLE SWAP AU #bc i love Lada and she deserves the world #and the bataar twins being the best wingmen as well #this is cheesy #but i am living for it #shameless fluff #idk but i love this sm ;-;

[kyber-crystal]

Divided We Fall

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~2.7k

Summary: In which she feels torn between the man she’s grown to love, whose ideas she agrees with, and her mentor and brother figure - who took her in with open arms and always accepted her when nobody else could.

Warnings: mentions of violence, angst, soft steve as always. you know the drill

A/N: tony’s your sort-of older brother (he took you in to train you not long before howard and maria passed), and you’re around steve’s age? I think? idk. includes a short IW scene but the time skip isn’t as drastic. SUPER SHITTY BC THIS IS A REALLY OLD ONESHOT

Tags: @pies-writes-and-more​ <3

Steve stood alone in the isle after Peggy’s funeral, leaning against the pew as he stared blankly down at the ground with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

You silently approached him and without introduction, he began to speak. "When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone. Then I found out that she was alive. I was just lucky to have her."

"She had you back, too."

Steve looked up, meeting your gaze. "Who else signed?"

"Tony, Rhodey, Vision, Nat."

"Clint?"

"Says he's retired," you smiled slightly.

"Wanda?"

"TBD. I'm off to Vienna for the signing of the Accords. There's plenty of room on the jet."

Steve sighed and bowed his head.

"Just because it's the path of least resistance," you continued, "doesn't mean it's the wrong path. Staying together is more important than how we stay together."

"What are we giving up to do it?" He shook his head, unconvinced by your words. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I can't sign it."

"I know. I don't want to, either. But it's not like I have any other choice."

"The thing is, you do."

"You know why I am." You gave him a hard stare. "Tony...he's basically the only family I have left. I'm no longer a daughter, no longer a girl with dreams...no longer with hope. I'm a weapon. As much as I don't agree with him, betraying him is the last thing I wanna do. He’s my mentor. I can’t just turn against him like that...it wouldn’t feel right."

"Y/N..."

"You know what I've done," you took in a deep breath, "I don't want to hurt any more people. I don't want to be controlled by a government that might not deem everything big enough of a threat for us to go out and do something about it, but I can't risk any more than I already have. I don't have any other choice but to sign those Accords, Steve."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I didn't want you to be alone."

You stepped forward, carefully pulling him into an embrace and at first, he tensed up at your touch but eventually relaxed, letting his arms wrap around you to pull you closer. And he just held you there, one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, the other one held to the back of your head. Your head was buried in his chest and the warmth of him felt so familiar and safe; oddly comforting, that your chest began to ache because you knew in a matter of time you'd be ripped apart again.

Steve felt guilty. Despite the fact that he was the majority of the reason why all of this was happening, you still found it in your heart to look past it all and forgive him, to accept him for who he was. 

The broken woman standing before him was someone he'd grown to care about far more than he wanted himself to. Knowing that it wasn't long before you were taken away from him and forced to stand against him only made his grip around you tighten, as he was afraid to let you go out of his sight.

...

Seeing you across from him on the opposite side of the battlefield, standing firmly in between your Tony and T'Challa, broke his heart. If he was forced to fight Tony's team, he would. But he wasn't going to fight you, no matter what.

Everyone, while they were all busy fighting each other, could clearly tell something was going on between the two of you. But they didn't question it. They could clearly tell Steve loved you too much to even try and lay a finger on you and when someone else tried to, he quickly advanced on them.

You finally caved and turned last minute towards the end of the battle, unable to stand against the one man you cared about more than anyone else that wasn't family.

Everyone's actions followed with consequences. Though you'd switched sides abruptly, you'd been granted permission to stay with Tony at the compound under strict circumstances that you never stepped out of line again, or you'd be sent to the Raft prison along with the rest of Team Cap as well.

"Cap loves you, you know," Rhodey noticed your solemn expression as you, him, and Tony sat around in the lounge, taking in the aftermath.

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut as you pressed your fingers to your temples. "I made a mistake."

"We all make mistakes. People do bad things when they're trying to survive."

"Tony, I'm sorry," you turned over to the billionaire, "but I just...I couldn't stand against him. Not when we've stuck together for so long." The words that came out of Tony's mouth surprised you.

"I know. He couldn't do that, either."

"We've all done things that we'd like to take back," you murmured, staring down at your hands now in your lap, "Pain makes people change. I'd like to believe I didn't just do this, I didn't almost turn on you guys. You know I didn't want to sign. But I did, because you're like my family. I can't fight my own family." "He's made mistakes, yeah," Rhodey said, "but we've all messed up, you know. We’re only human.”

"My mistake was letting myself love someone I'd have to end up hurting eventually," you stated bitterly, a sharp edge to your voice.

"Cap made that same mistake, too," Tony spoke up. "We all screwed up. Some of us just have to find it in ourselves to forgive...but I don't know if I can do that yet."

"I know," you glanced over at him, "I miss them so much. Your parents...they changed my life for the better."

The billionaire took in a shaky breath. "I miss them too."

"You guys might wanna open this now," Rhodey handed you an envelope with your name on it, and Tony a package with a phone inside. "Tony Stank."

You snorted, and Tony cracked a small smile.

"Table for one, Tony Stank?" you joked.

"You're practically a Stank too, Y/L/N, you know that," he raised an eyebrow at you.

"Tony Stank just sounds funnier."

You quickly fell silent as you opened the letter.

Y/N, I'm glad you're back at the compound. I don't like the idea of you and Stark rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere, even in the army. My faith's in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say that, for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but maybe they shouldn't. I know I hurt you both. I guess I thought by not telling you about Howard and Maria that I was sparing you, but I can see now that I was really sparing myself, and I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we all agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you're doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do. I know you didn't want to sign, but you were right in siding with your family. Even though you were on the opposite side of the battlefield, I couldn't fight you. I didn't want to hurt you. I still don't and I never will. No matter what happens. Just know that I ...

"Priority call from Secretary Ross," FRIDAY's voice drifted through the room, "There's been a breach at the Raft prison." "Yeah, put him through."

"Y/N, Tony, we have a problem, Cap and—" Ross called in.

"Ah, please hold," you interrupted.

"No, don't—"

You glanced back down at the letter in your hands, filled from top to bottom with Steve's elegant handwriting.

So, no matter what. I promise you, if you need us, if you need me, I'll be there. It's you, it always has been and it always will be, and I'm sorry for realizing that too late. I'm sorry for not being able to come back. I know I promised I'd always be by your side, and I will. Although I may not in the best situation to return right now, I promise you I'll see you soon. Take care, -S.R.

Several tears welled up in your eyes and slipped down your face as you closed the letter, staining the paper with dark spots.

"So, what'd he say," Tony took in your watery eyes and hard-set jaw. "Something wrong?"

"...He's on the run," your voice broke, "but they're all out. He broke them out.”

...

170 DAYS LATER

It was almost half a year of Team Cap jumping from motel to motel under different names and disguises every night, while still trying to defend the world as best as they possibly could. And when they were caught, Steve was sure that they'd be sent back.

"He'll come back soon, I'm sure of it," Rhodey reassured you as you watched the news of the search for Captain America was still underway. "When someone loves you the way he does, he's gonna find a way to return."

"He doesn't love me. I'm no better than a monster. And...I'm pretty sure he has heart eyes for Sharon."

"Well, he fucked up on that part," he agreed, clasping your shoulder, "but you know what? In the end, he still loves you. We all saw the way he looked at you back in Germany, he didn't want to hurt you. If he truly cared, he wouldn't hurt you even if you were on the opposing side, and that's what he did. I know he's gonna return: for your sake."

"I don't know why I'm letting myself do this."

"What? Loving him? That isn't anything new."

"New?"

"Sweetheart, I knew from the moment I first saw you look at him that you were. Look, love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. You gotta be vulnerable and let him in your heart. Otherwise you'll keep feeling like you're in pain."

He did return.

You'd gone to trial and defended him under your name two weeks prior. Much to your current oblivion, your persuasion had worked and he was granted release and allowed to return, though he did so under the same strict circumstances given to you as well. He was warned to not pull off something like this a second time, and promise to ask for the government's aid whenever necessary.

So you're not expecting to buzz him and the others in late one Friday night.

"Y/N."

"Nat?"

"Can you buzz us in?"

"Uh...yeah, sure," you nodded, opening the gates to let them through. Within minutes, they were standing right in front of you, looking the exact same as they did five months ago, though the exhaustion was clear in all their faces.

"Greetings, Y/N." The android's arm was slung around Sam's shoulders, who was helping to hold him upright.

"Vision."

"It's good to see you guys, Rhodey greeted.

"t's great to see you too," Wanda smiled. She seemed to have aged a bit since you'd last seen her though she was only a teenager, but still looked much younger than everyone nonetheless.

"Well, you guys really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of months."

"Yeah, well, the hotels weren't exactly five-star," Sam shrugged. "Where's Clint?"

"After the whole Accords situation, him and Scott took a deal. It was too tough on their families, they're on house arrest," Natasha explained.

She turned to you and gave you a tight hug, squeezing your hand as she pulled away. "Hey. How you holding up?"

"Could be better," you gave her a sad smile. "I'm fine."

"Y/N, hey."

Steve stepped out from behind Wanda and Sam and took a few tentative steps towards you, his feet feeling heavier by the second.

The one man you thought you wouldn't be seeing again for a while was now in front of you, and you weren't sure how to react. Your heartbeat was deafeningly loud in your ears, drowning out the sounds of everything else as everyone fell silent upon seeing you two interact.

"Hey," you responded a few moments later, stuffing your hands in your jacket pockets. You lifted your head slowly, an unrecognizable sort of emotion flickering in your eyes for a brief second before you averted his gaze and looked back down at the ground.

He still looked the same, with his dirty-blonde hair and tall, muscular build, those piercing blue eyes and comforting arms. The sight of him alone made your chest ache and your stomach twist itself into knots at the same time you felt butterflies flying around. You hated that you allowed yourself to care about him so much, that your body still reacted to the sight of him even after not seeing him for so long.

"Uh...we'll give you two a moment," Sam awkwardly cleared his throat, leaving the room with the others.

When you glanced back up again you could see just how much being away had affected his overall appearance: his bright blue eyes that glittered with authority and passion had lost their light, red-rimmed and bloodshot with dark circles underneath that indicated it had been days since he last slept.

"I'm sorry, I know it took a while, but I'm here now. I missed you."

"I missed you, too," you said quietly. You swallowed hard, feeling the familiar sting to your eyes as you struggled to keep your tears at bay.

He sighed and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close like you'd done to him before all those months ago, gently rubbing your back. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it still fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his and you sunk into his warmth, his touch making the room feel warmer somehow. His arms that held you were soft and comforting, yet strong and firm at the same time, and the feeling of being so close to him was so dizzying to the point it made your head spin. But you didn't want to let go, so you held onto him as tight as you possibly could.

During the time of his absence, when the majority of your days were spent wandering around the compound alone, you taught yourself to ignore the pressing feeling in the back of your head, the way you felt as if there was some void in your heart that could only be filled by him and him alone. Day by day you attempted to convince yourself that no, you weren't falling in love with him, no, you weren't supposed to fall in love with him because it'd only destroy you in the end.

Yet you still did.

Always playing the part of promoting liberty and justice for all, Steve believed his sole purpose was to inspire and empower others to make the world a better place, blending into the mantra of 'a star-spangled man with a plan.' He always planned things out, always knew what he was doing.

So when he realized as he was holding you there in his arms, that he'd fallen in love with you, he didn't have a plan. And frankly, it terrified him.

He didn't have a plan, so he just decided to go with what his gut told him.

Steve brushed a stray hair that fell across your face and tucked it behind your ear. You looked up in surprise, heart hammering against your chest as his thumb brushed ever so gently against your cheek before he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

That's all he needed to do in order to eradicate all the anger, all the pent-up frustration and other emotion inside of you, to make you forgive him for every little thing that he's done to break your heart because there was nothing he could possibly do to make you love him any less.

"I love you," you mumbled as you pulled away, resting your head against his broad chest.

"I know. I love you too."

#avengers imagines #steve x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #marvel #avengers x reader #avengers #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #marvel fic #avengers fanfiction #captain america one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fic #captain america fic #mcu #chris evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans imagine

[fearquestion]

top ten baddest bitches in hunter x hunter’s succession contest arc

I hope you’re ready for six+ pages of meta

cw: suicide mention, spreadsheets, spoilers up to Chapter 390

NO. 10 : SHIMANO

If you don’t remember Shimano, she is Oito’s last surviving maid, and the one who straight up ignored Kurapika when he told her to answer Benjamin’s call first. 

To not do what Kurapika tells you to do, especially when he’s like this takes an insane amount of guts. You have to remember that she just watched two people die, one of whom was her co-worker. Her head is so level you could build a house on it. 

She had a better strategy, she was not afraid to go through with it, she didn’t bother wasting precious time to explain herself beforehand, and she was not afraid to let him know that he was incorrect. 

She’s bad as hell!!!!!!

Shimano: lmao like hell 

What makes her interesting is that her main motivation during this succession contest is to get out alive. While she later explains to Oito that she is staying out of duty for the royal family, I suspect that she isn’t exactly attached to the young queen, which is entirely reasonable given the situation that she’s in. I mean, she’s here to do a job. 

Shimano did not know what she was signing up for, but she has not fumbled the ball once since getting on this murder cruise; something that has earned her Kurapika’s respect. I hope that cements her role as a larger player during this arc, and I really hope Togashi gives her more time to shine.

Fun Fact: she’s called Shimanu ONLY in Volume 36 of the Viz Translation. 

Survival Rating: 4/5, she might pull a Bizeff and get out by the skin of her teeth, and there’s no one actively trying to kill her. 

NO 09: MELODY

Oh sweet, sweet Melody, how I love you so. We haven’t seen too much action from her, but the reason she has placed on this list is her performance during the second banquet. 

In order to give Kacho and Fugetsu a chance to escape, she pulled a Hisoka and revealed her ability to literally anyone who would listen, placing herself in serious danger 

Little does she know how much trouble this is going to get her into, especially now that Tserriednich is interested, and it’s safe to say she won’t get back to bodyguard business anytime soon. Please, please keep yourself safe, Melody. 

Survival Rating: 5/5 bc I just can’t accept even the thought of a reality where Melody isn’t alive

NO. 08: QUEEN OITO HUI GUO ROU

Listen, we’ve all entertained the fantasy of going from sugar baby to trophy wife, but few of us are unlucky enough to turn that dream into a reality. I bet you she was living her Hot Girl Summer until all of this happened, and honestly, good for her. 

But by GOD was she ready to give it up to face the Succession Contest head on. She switched it up on us at the start by specifically targeting people who wanted to kill or control Prince Halkenburg, the current favorite to win. There was no hoping or wishing that things were different, she did the only thing that she could do in her situation: stack the odds in her favor as much as she possibly could. And I’m not gonna lie, she really lucked out. Kurapika is someone you want on your side if you’re trying not to die. 

My favorite thing about Oito is how well she handles the pressure of her situation; she just picks it up and runs. Who can afford to feel pride when your daughter’s life is on the line? Need a cockroach? Start screaming! You’re the Queen and this is your house. You get what you want, Oito. 

As someone on the bottom of the ladder, there simply is no time to entertain fantasies of grandeur. Oito never tries to check out of reality, like so many of the other Queens have done. She is not here to play around, she is here to play the game.  

Unfortunately, her convictions lie in the fact that she thinks she and Woble can get off the boat alive, a theory disproven by Kacho and Fugetsu’s ill fated attempt in Chapter 383. Given the change of circumstances, how far will she let herself go to survive, and what will she have to give up? 

If we’re being honest, the only way I can see this playing out well for her is if there’s a fire, or an iceberg, or i don’t know, a riot caused by a murder cult that somehow forces everyone on tier one to evacuate, and she just happens to be the last on to get a life boat, but I highly doubt that things are going to be that convenient for her. 

Survival Rating: 2/5

NO. 07: KACHO AND FUGETSU HUI GUO ROU

These girls are willing to do anything, ANYTHING to get themselves off of this ship, including but not limited to, learning morse code, going into unknown territory unguarded, and risking their own lives in order to protect the other. And they’re like what, 14? 15? 

Kacho said FUCK boomers

They worked, they planned, they gathered allies, and experimented, and they would have succeeded were it not for the curse that put their lives in danger in the first place. 

It was so hard not to root for them. When we learned the truth about Kacho’s ability, I literally screamed. This is Gift of the Magi on steroids, and watching this animated, if it ever does get animated is going to be a tough ride for me, and I will start crying again.

These sisters have a heartbreaking devotion to each other’s safety, and I’m terrified to find out how Fugetsu will react once she learns the truth about her sister’s sacrifice. Will it break her? Will it make her stronger? My money is on the latter for now, but the way this arc is going, who the hell knows? 

The beginning of her arc and even the passive nature of her symbiotic nen beast frames her as a co-dependent character. While Kacho 2.0 is still, technically, an active player in the form of a nen-beast, she is a nen-beast, something that I suspect will be picked up by either a bodyguard or someone from the Hunter’s association if Kacho’s original body is never recovered. Someone will have to break the news to Fugetsu eventually, setting her character up for some fantastic trajectory. She will either have to lean into her budding independence, or rely on Kacho for what might be the rest of her short life. 

They have a lot to reconcile with once when we see them again. They’re in baby jail, Their most loyal bodyguard is dead, and Melody is temporarily out of the picture thanks to her stunt at the banquet. With mostly enemy bodyguards left in their employment, she has a lot of growing up to do. I hope this doesn’t make her an easy target. We’re rooting for you Fugetsu!!

Survival Rating: 3/5

NO 06: BISCUIT KRUEGER

I am so fucking glad that Biscuit Krueger is on this boat, I love her, she’s unstoppable, I don’t need to explain why she’s on this list. My only wish is that we get to see her beat the shit out of someone who really deserves it. Could she take on Benjamin? Probably. I hope she does. She’s got like twenty years on him. 

Survival Rating: 5/5 because I just don’t think she’s capable of dying

NO 05: MACHI KOMACINE

Oh she’s on a mission, and honestly fuck Chrollo and Illumi because I would pay to see her rip that clown apart. Look at this face? How can you not get chills. I love this for her. 

Revenge won’t fill the hole in your heart where Kortopi and Shalnark used to live, and honestly I don’t know if you can survive a second tussle with Hisoka, but you Go Get Him Queen. 

Survival Rating: 1/5 Togashi said she ain’t gettin off the boat, and I’m inclined to believe him on this one. She’s had a good run. I just hope she pulls some wicked sick shit before she goes. 

NO 04: MORENA PRUDE

Edgy, Nihilist, Boss Babe, Patient Zero, Bisexual Icon, Murder Messiah, the Joker wishes that he was Morena Prude so fucking bad. She is so more committed to burning this world to the ground. If you thought we needed more women in positions of leadership, here she is. She’s like the Herbalife of homicide. Let’s take a look at the math. 

Assuming most people aren’t nen users and the Hunter x Hunter world population is about the same as ours, 7 billion, she runs out of people to kill/infect by round 13, making this a great way of causing the mass extinction of the human race, and a fantastic way to run a multi-level marketing scheme. 

She looks like she’s handling being a boss pretty well, and her 22 picks for Contagion seem to be pretty good choices. They’re legit, they know what they’re doing, they’re loyal, and they’re really excited to straight up go Purge Night on this yacht.

While it’s safe to assume that Morena has already killed between 9 to 45 people, the only reason she’s not higher on this list is because we haven’t seen her do much except set off this gigantic domino chain of problems. Her influence on the arc looks like it’s going to be more passive, but she’s definitely here to make a splash. Her nihilism, and her connections to Tserriednich have me thinking that she might to be a crucial late-game player when things go completely fucking awol. 

Ahaha, everyone in that boat is in terrible danger. 

Survival Rating: 1/5 because bad girls live fast, die young 

NO 03: SARAHELL

We do not know a lot about Sarahell, but her name has Hell in it and she’s willing to perform suicide in order to kill an infant and if that doesn’t make you Bad than I don’t know what the hell does. 

Out of all the women on this list, she’s the only one that really scares me. Not only is she willing to risk her life, she wants to die for Camilla in the most efficient way possible. Woble is in her crosshairs, and if she’s as good as acting like a two-faced bitch as she says she is, we’re not in for a good time. I doubt that Kurapika would let her anywhere near the Prince, but I don’t know. They might fake an alliance, something that the Oito and Kurapika have been very open about. I can see her offering up information on Tserriednich in an attempt to wedge her way in. She might even help them out a bunch before she goes in for the kill. 

yall are simping for the wrong woman i s2g 

This is a legitimate assassination attempt, and one that’s a lot more sophisticated than Vincent’s. They’re in for a fight over in room 1014. 

2/5 it would be interesting if she somehow managed to survive and had to live with the guilt of failure. Sarahell that she is prepared for that possibility, but I don’t think she knows how badly things can go for her yet. 

NO 02: CAMILLA HUI GUO ROU

Camilla, Camilla, Camilla literally what part of you is not bad to the bone. 

I think she might have as many costume changes as Killua? 

We are first properly introduced to Camilla when she asks her dear old dad if he could, quote, “not accept dropouts that are not biological death,” meaning that she fully intends for every single one of her brother and sisters to die, and she doesn’t give a fuck who knows.

The next time we meet her, she’s instructing her mother to buy a bunch of designer clothes, and in the SAME BREATH she goes “Oh yeah, you need to kill your son for me, okay? Thanks.” 

And you have really got to feel for Duazul here. Like. She’s got four kids and the most to lose in this game. She’s doing her best to keep it together.

Anyways, back to Camilla: uh, her nen ability? Are you kidding me? Who taught her nen? Who told her she could do that? Was the first thing that popped into her head “giant cat-shaped nen curse that activates when I’m murdered?” What kind of things do you have to do to form this kind of ability?

And don’t even get me started on her fascist suicide death cult. She’s taken advantage of people from the lowest caste of society and turned their gratitude into fanaticism. You cannot buy this kind of loyalty, especially when you expect your personal guard to do this. Which is insane, considering I don’t think she’s planning on abolishing the caste system any time soon. 

Where Benjamin takes a more traditional approach to this war, aka strongarm the competition until they forfeit, Camilla has taken the most extreme measures to ensure that she wins. She does not expect anyone to survive, including herself, and has based her entire plan around that. If Benjamin is a lion, then Camilla is a steam roller. 

As someone who has had it her way her entire life, she’s convinced herself that there is no possibility that she can fail, a trait that makes her nen ability so powerful. However, this determination is quickly turning into tunnel vision, and when people don’t play into her games, she doesn’t leave herself with a way out. 

Which leaves us with a very interesting problem: if she dies on the black whale in a way that she cannot be resuscitated, what is her personal guard going to do? It’s hard to believe that they won’t want anything but total retribution, especially when they have nothing else to lose. 

Bar Tserriednich, and maybe Halkenburg, I truly believe that she’s one of the most dangerous players on the Level One. 

1/5 she’s got mad azula vibes there’s absolutely no way she’s not going down

NO 01: THETA

Theta is the baddest bitch on the boat, and that’s a hill that I’m willing to die on.  

Who else has the resolve, the guts, the conviction to take this crazy motherfucker out for the greater good? Even after getting caught red handed, she’s still making moves to make sure that Tserriednich gets his ass assassinated. Period

post-attempt 

When she finds out what an insane risk his nen poses does she get scared? Does she try to run? Does she try to bargain with the situation? No! She puts her big girl pants on and understands what she has to do. Shoot him in the head point blank because he’s nasty.

Note: in the Viz Translation she thinks, “I have to do this. I’m the only one who can...!!”

What puts her at the number one spot is her willingness to accept the consequences of her actions. Unlike Sarahell, there is literally nothing in this for her. The fact that she alone put herself up for this sacrifice speaks miles about her character, and since nen and personality work hand in hand, I’m really looking forward to seeing her Hatsu. I bet it’s sick as hell.

Considering that Tserriednich is the big bad of Succession Arc, it’s safe to assume that Theta is going to take an important supporting role in his downfall. Listen, I am counting my blessings and praying every day that her and Kurapika find common ground and team up in the next batch of chapters. These two have too much in common not to do so, and I can’t wait to see what she does next. 

There is a lot to expect from what is one of my favorite characters in Succession Arc. She relies on herself, has her head on straight, and is willing to clock any bitch that needs dealt with.

You may not agree with me, and that’s fine, but on a list full of baddies, I dub her the baddest.

Survival Rating: Theta, I hope you live to see the end, but I’m going to give you a 2/5 on the survival scale because you are on thin ice, sister. Good luck and Godspeed.

Runner Ups: Lynch, Shizuku, and all the ladies from The Second Prince’s Personal Guard and the Hei-Ly Mafia Family. Would have loved to put Cheadle on this list but she keeps getting clowned by Pariston

Thanks for making it to the end! I just caught up last week and I have brain worms now haha please let me know if you’re posting hxh meta too!! I feel like we’re finally getting to the end of the first act, and the anticipation is KILLING me. 

#hunter x hunter #hxh #meta #succession contest arc #morena prudo #morena prude #camilla hui guo rou #queen oito #theta #machi #kacho hui guo rou #kachou fuugetsu #fugetsu hui guo rou #sarahell #biscuit krueger #shimano #melody #i spent way too much time on this lol #i made a playlist too

[ziracona]

What do you see happening after Josh is being rescued? Does he meet everyone of his friend eventually or some of them keep their distance? I read one of your answers about them abandoning him and honestly I don't think they didn't care at all about him, but the events were so traumatic and scary that they probably had a hard time taking into consideration that small possibility of him being alive. Plus I guess it's also part of the smooth flow of the game if it makes sense, Mike doesn't go after Jess either after he sees her falling into the mines and accuses Josh of killing her without being 100% sure that she is dead and without seeing Josh around when shit happened to her. But if I were Josh maybe I would be upset knowing they didn't come for me at all. So how would a reunion go?

That’s valid! You can interpret the lack of an interest in rescuing Josh to multiple things—that they are very sure he’s dead, if you want to be as generous as possible to them. That they think he’s probably dead and are afraid of dying too more than willing to save him, that they’re (sans Chris) too mad about the prank he pulled, etc. And I can see why people would go for any number of them. I think to me it has always read like they think he is probably dead, and the whatever he has, 30%, 20% chance? Of still being alive just isn’t enough for them to feel motivated to face very likely death to go hunting for him, especially with flamethrower dude just dead doing the same. Which makes /me/ angry, because Mike went batshit after seeing Jess wounded and dragged through a window and more trying to save her, multiple characters can kill themselves trying to save the others in the finale, etc, and I just think if you /can/ save someone who is your friend—or like, you have a shot anyway—you don’t know it is too late. You should. (& true Jess can still be alive and Mike will assume she is dead, but in his defense, so do basically all blind playthroughs she looks like she falls four stories or something while already almost dead I can’t fault Mike for assuming that was a 100% death there. Boy really tried. Whereas Josh’s vanishing from the shed is much less confirmed. There is no ‘I watched him fall’ here. Just a neither he nor his dead body were still in the shed so /something/ happened). Like I do get it, that’s a terrifying situation and not helping doesn’t = not caring, but I will hold it against characters if they don’t risk themselves to save their friends and I will be unhappy with them. Loyalty is very important to me. But it is a truly terrifying situation.

But I also get why they’d be terrified to go out there. I don’t think it makes them evil to not want to risk it till they have to, it just makes me disappointed in them. I don’t think I said I think they didn’t care about him—typo if I did, because I certainly don’t think that at all! I think Chris was traumatized and felt very sure he was dead, Ashley didn’t care (she explicitly says she thinks he deserves it and tries to stop Chris from saving him the first time), Emily doesn’t care a lot one way or another and is mostly on her own trauma right now and thinking about Matt and the awful shit she saw, that Sam does care but thinks he is probably dead and is in team mom mode and cares more about trying to keep as many friends alive as possible right now than anything else and doesn’t want to lose the others, and Mike is still pissed but also feels very bad and would prefer for Josh to make it but is also more focused on group survival and not losing anyone else since he just lost someone he loves horribly (based largely on how his reaction to the safe room scenario is either to kill Emily and feel awful but do it because he very vocally and visibly doesn’t want the others to be killed and she won’t go peacefully, and he’s terrified of losing them, or to try but not be able to because he loves Emily, and instead give the gun to the others to try to save themselves with in the event she /does/ turn). And although he’s a right coward bastard for leaving Josh if Josh gets grabbed instead of killed, down in the mines, I do think he cared about Josh. He seems truly sorry to some extent when he finds him, and does /try/ to lead him out of the mines. At the point they make the decision to go for the cable car key, I don’t think they don’t care at all, except Ashley. I just think they should care more. Although I tend to give Chris a pass because he just watched a man get beheaded, has strong reason to think Josh is dead, is injured, and spends the entire rest of the game more or less in traumatized mode quiet in the corner.

But that said I can also see why people would interpret the reactions to mean they all believe he is very dead, and mean they’re going after his corpse! I can see lots of basis in-game to interpret in quite a number of ways. And be generous to the fool kids if you want to! I /super/ hold abandoning Josh in the mines wildly against Mike, but Mike is still one of my favorite characters in the whole game. I love how flawed the cast is and that you go in hating most of them and only slowly grow to care because you don’t want them dead-dead, which keeps you there long enough to see some of their good sides. *cheff’s kiss* the great ability of the horror genre. The bar to initially invest is so low, it lets you have such a multi-faceted cast.

Okay anyway, original question! What do I see happening after Josh gets rescued and exorcised.

I think he meets up with all of them again eventually. Interesting to think from Josh’s pov how he’s going to feel. I expect to some degree he does feel abandoned, and fairly, and in RoB it is very clear he is afraid to some extent of Mike and Chris after being dragged off and tied up and left in the shed, and the things they said to him. He also /definitely/ feels massively guilty and self-blaming about all of it. He’s telling himself through Hill that no one will come for him and it’s his own fault by the final chapter. And mostly he’s just afraid of Mike and in ptsd dissociating mode by the time Sam and Mike find him. So, mixed feelings on his part I expect. Lots of fear and pain and hurt at being abandoned and so universally believed capable of murder, hurt, left to die alone in the mines. Pretty damn betrayed, and that on top of the hurt from what happened to his sisters and the inherent paranoia of paranoid schizophrenia. Hurt that they just left him. Hurt they didn’t believe him. Hurt nobody came for him until it was too late. Hurt he got betrayed again. Probably pretty miserable overall. But with that, also feels really bad about going too far and hates and blames himself intensely for everything, and I expect is also kind of not just traumatized but ashamed of what happens to him, and everyone knowing about the possession and the cannibalism. Probably he wants to lock himself in a room in the corner of a big house and never come out. But also is intensely and miserably and hopelessly lonely. Probably feels all of his friendships are likely broken beyond repair.

I don’t think they are though. Chris “I’m not your bro” six seconds later “bro are you for real?” Hartley almost dies trying to save him and wouldn’t care about the possession stuff except to be worried about him. Sam is angry and harboring some resentment, but clearly reacts to Mike reporting he is gone with regret. Mike would probably feel very guilty for leaving him and be hesitant to reconnect and then defensive doing it, but I think he cares. Jess wasn’t even there for this shit so probably she does. Same for Matt maybe? Ashley and Emily are harder to guess for. I think Ashley would be incredibly angry and resentful—I mean she wants him dead in-game, but might eventually join the others if the others got over stuff? Bc she’s also kinda a joiner? Really it’s hard to say she is a very...hair-trigger character. Volatile and intensely and massively changeable. Probably the least predictable of all. That kind of person scares me deeply in real life because I have been very backstabbed by them before. >.> But anyway hard to say. Also a lot of this depends on what ending, even assuming they all live. But I usually assume that like, Mike almost shot Em, didn’t, Matt tried to save her, Sam saw the workshop, etc ending. Emily I really don’t know. She’s a very self-reliant and hard person. She didn’t have anything very specifically for or against Josh with her experience, but wasn’t that close to him before, so I think she just kinda falls wherever she falls.

I think mostly though that they’d reconnect. Definitely Chris would jump to it, and I think Sam would too—she’s a well educated, empathetic and understanding person. She’d know he needs her. And Chris is his childhood best friend and cares the whole game. I think Mike would try to go too because of guilt, and because he’s a decent guy. Probably so would after not much time those least effected by what Josh did. I think Josh would be alone while being exorcised and probably reocvering in a hospital some after, and Chris would be the first, or Chris and Sam possibly. I think he’d be afraid to see them, and it would be complicated and messy and painful for them all, but it would be okay and sort itself out and they’d find old ground quickly. And having them there would be /incredibly/ vital to helping him recover. I think eventually he’d get back on his feet, and a lot of his old friends would be around and stay in his life. I think things would get better. I’d say the OG ExorJosh comic writer I think did a good job of guessing about what a lot of it would be like. Hard, and slow, and messy. But a lot of them care for him, and I think that would matter enough to help things get okay between them again.

#ask #anonymous #until dawn #long post #Josh Washington #spoilers #exorjosh #exor-Josh

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

#survey #surveys #questions