#but yeah i really cannot emphasize enough that the episode i watched immediately before this was the stupid quiz show

[moghedien]

Can you do a post about how Greta invited Carson on the date with the dude to chaperone and then Bev added Shirley to keep it “appropriately non-sexual” because she knew that Carson was not a non-sexual entity to Greta.

I’m also confused about Flo. Bev said there was an “attachment to a woman in town” as though if Jo wasn’t with Flo when she was caught then Jo wouldn’t have been traded?

Hmm ok, I have like *thoughts* on these but not entirely certain ones if you know what I mean?

So first with the Carson chaperoning thing, while yeah its funny to joke about Bev knowing they were a thing the entire time and making Shirley go along to chaperone them (I have literally made this exact joke lol), I'm not actually convinced of how accurate that is. I go back and forth on how much Bev is actually aware and that's mostly because Bev is so fucking good and hiding how she actually feels.

So like, the first thing to really remember here is that at the point when Greta goes on that date, she and Carson aren't actually even a thing yet. They had that one kiss in the closet of the bar. They have little gay moments in the second episode but nothing really suspicious to anyone that might be watching. When we get to the point were Bev actually tells Greta about the date, they didn't even have their little stargazing moment during secret practice yet (which Bev wouldn't know about anyway). Still, Bev's reaction when telling Greta about it is kinda interesting. After she says he was "a man with a shirt," she says this next line.

When she says this, she immediately looks at Carson (who had been making sad faces since the mention of Greta going on a date with some guy) and more or less says that its just for the sake of the team's publicity. Now, yes you can read into this and be like "oh she's telling this to Carson because she wants to reassure her because she knows about her and Greta" but Carson and Greta are not a thing yet. I cannot emphasize that enough. So at the very least, she assuring Carson (and Greta) that this is something just done to help the Peaches' image.

But....why would she reassure Carson? They aren't going to make Carson go on dates. She's married. So you can either read into it that she suspects something is going on, or you can conclude there's some other reason. Like, I don't know, I'd be kinda weirded out if I was on some sports team and my teammates were just being set up on dates they had to go to, regardless of whether or not I was dating said friends. It isn't unreasonable for Bev to just see Carson there and try to make the whole scenario less weird, regardless. But also, she might have picked up on some tension between them.

So when we get to the part where we see Greta about to go on her date and she's just finished getting ready, there's this fun little detail:

This room? The one that she's hanging out in before the date and acting like she's just finishing up at the dresser? That's Carson's room, not Greta's.

The nightstand has Shirley's humidifiers and is where the dented cans scene happens later on. I also might be obsessed enough to know the layout and door positions of the various rooms, but that' normal and not weird and also while you see Maybelle, Jo, and Shirley on Shirley's bed, you see Carson in the background putting away her clothes in her dresser.

It's not necessarily super weird for Greta and the other girls to be chilling in Carson's room before the date because 1) it's also Shirley's room and they seem to be hanging out with Shirley, and 2) Greta's room as an attaching door to Carson and Shirley's. But its stilll....something. And Bev doesn't seem all that curious about the fact that she found Greta in there getting ready for her date.

She does however offer an interesting excuse for getting out of the date:

I've seen this pointed out before, that it seems a bit strange for Bev to be getting a period still. If we assume she's the same age as her actor, then she'd be 60, which would put her well past the typical age of menopause. It isn't technically impossible for a 60 year old to still have a menstrual cycle, but its very unusual and I think its supposed to be. I mean, even the girls look a confused when she says this:

Regardless of what she has going on, I think this is a lie and I think that Bev at the very least doesn't want to go on the fucking date. I also think that there's a very good possibility that she was trying to give Greta an out here too. Because she says they're going to postpone the date, but more likely than not it'd just end up being canceled all together, or there could be some other reason not to go by then.

So Jo offers to go and Greta tells her no and volunteers Carson instead and there is WEIRD TENSION THERE. Now, I don't think that Bev would necessarily think "Oh they're definitely fucking" at this point, and I repeat myself by pointing out that she and Carson were not even actually together yet. However, there is some clear tension there. Carson doesn't want to go and seems bothered by this whole thing. Greta wants her to go and volunteers her for it and comes up with reasons why she'd be perfect. Carson is still visibly bothered by this and Greta clearly sees that.

So let's analyze who the fuck Bev is saying what to!

In the first shot when she's telling them to take Shirley, she's looking sort of in the middle of the room. Addressing everyone really, which is how she speaks during most of this scene. When she adds the "safety in numbers" comment, she looks at Carson, who is off to one side of the room by herself. This might be an excuse to either reassure Carson about her discomfort with the situation or to have a reasonable explanation as to why Shirley should go too.

When she says specifically the words "appropriately non-sexual," Bev looks directly at Greta and ever so slightly smirks.

So I don't know for sure here that Bev knows what is going on with them, like specifically. But I am 100% convinced that before Bev walked into this room, she knew Greta was a bit fruity and she at least suspects that she's into Carson. Whether or not she suspects Carson is queer too or knows that they've already started to develop a relationship, I have no idea. At the very least, I think she sees Greta trying to take her little crush along on their publicity stunt, so she makes Shirley go along as a precaution.

Not because I think she suspects that Carson or Greta would like, do anything during the date necessarily, but mostly to be like "look you can bring your crush along if it makes you feel comfortable but don't get too distracted because this is a publicity move after all." Shirley is there to remind Greta that actually this isn't a date, this is just her charming a guy to make the Peaches look good.

Now about the Flo and Jo situation, I think one thing that a lot of people on here fail to really grasp is how much danger Jo is in if she stays in Rockford, regardless of Flo.

When Bev explains what happens, she does so to Carson, alone, and there seems to be some interesting double speak going on here.

So let's be absolutely clear what Bev is saying. Not only did she bribe the police not to publish Jo's name in the paper, but she also made sure that she charges were dropped and that the league has no idea about any of this. She didn't "save the league from humiliation," she saved Jo from being outright kicked out of the league which is absolutely what would have happened if anyone in charge found out about this. Because her name isn't in the paper and the charges were dropped, they have no way of finding out unless someone tells them and Bev straight up paid off the police not to do that. And she is absolutely risking her own neck here, because she would get sacked so fast if they found out she did this.

And she's just...telling all of this to Carson.

It could be because she's the coach, sure, but she's tried to hide information from Carson before. I definitely think there's more to it than that. I think that is an indication that she knows about Carson at this point. I think she also probably suspects some other things too because, in case you failed to notice this, Carson and Greta are still wearing the exact same clothes they were wearing last night.

Here they are celebrating at home right before they leave for the bar:

And here they are the next morning when Jo gets brought in by the police:

I find Bev someone who tends to pick up on things rather well, even if she chooses to ignore them, and I don't think she would overlook the fact that on the same night Jo got arrested during a raid on a gay bar, Carson and Greta are creeping around the house late at night/early in the morning and haven't even changed their clothes to indicate that they slept at all. I also don't think she failed to notice that Lupe and Jess were missing too.

If she wasn't already aware of Carson at this point, I think this would have tipped her off completely, because she is somehow connected to Greta on the same night something seems to have happened to all of the known queer Peaches. I guess Esti is also gone too, but regardless, Bev would have had to known that something was going on at this point, because she had already bribed the police and arranged for Jo to be brought back and traded at this point, and it's apparently pretty early in the morning.

So let's look at the rest of what she tells Carson about Jo now.

Jo being connected to Flo, would put her at greater risk, yes. If people who knew Flo found out about this and didn't like it, they could come after Jo. But Jo wasn't gonna be safe in Rockford regardless. Because if she did, too many people still knew about her. The police knew and individual cops might target her or the Peaches in the future regardless of them as a whole being paid off. Not to mention anyone those cops might tell. People who saw the raid go down might know. In general, it just wouldn't have been safe for Jo in Rockford, because even if her name wasn't published or she wasn't charged, people still know she was there. Hell, someone who's name DID get published might reveal her. Gays don't have to be good people, especially if someone thought she got away with something because she's a celebrity

So why does Bev bring this up? Because she's warning Carson. She might know that Carson is with Greta specifically or she might just have picked up context clues to realize that Greta and Carson were at the bar too. They might not have been there as a couple though. They could have all just been fellow homos going to find local girls together. Regardless, she's telling Carson to be fucking careful about being attached to people in this town. Because its dangerous and if you get caught, you'll probably have to leave for your own safety. Surely you agree.

#a league of their own #aloto #sargent beverly #jo de luca #greta gill #carson shaw

[dbphantom]

[H2O s2 spoilers] Charlotte has literally done nothing wrong up until now and yet the show STILL paints her as such a bad person in Pressure Cooker.

She admits if she knew Don was Cleo's dad she wouldn't have shown up and looks visibly uncomfortable (but still trying to be polite) when she realizes it's Cleo's house and has to sit there and watch Cleo openly be rude to her mother by giving away a gift bought as a gesture of goodwill.

Charlotte KNOWS Lewis and Cleo are talking about her and instead of being rude and nasty about it (LIKE CLEO WAS IN EPISODE 3 WHEN SHE MADE ASSUMPTIONS) is just like "yeah, your dad is really struggling right now, you probably wanna go back in there and help him..?" like OMG that was so sweet of her. Yeah she interrupted their conversation, but come on she was trying to be nice. Characters interrupt each other all the time on this show- it's a teen drama, that's how it works. Despite everything Cleo had already done to her, Charlotte was still looking out for her dad.

Then Charlotte accidentally knocks a thing of flour into Cleo and goes up to her room after Cleo storms off to personally apologize for even BEING THERE because she can tell Cleo is Absolutely Furious about her showing up, and openly asks her if she can spend time with/date Lewis because she understands the two of them were together and she SEES how Cleo is reacting, and CLEO GIVES HER THE GO-AHEAD, BUT STILL TREATS HER AWFULLY ANYWAY. She didn't HAVE to ask for permission, but she does anyway!! AFTER APOLOGIZING FOR SIMPLY SHOWING UP TO HER MOM'S WORK EVENT.

and THEN at the end of the episode Cleo is like "even if it IS Charlotte (who I hate for literally no reason other than she stood up for herself when I tried to shame her in public for hanging out with my ex-boyfriend who I broke up with), it's Lewis's choice" but then gives her an actual death glare at the very end of the episode when Charlotte is literally just looking at her and evil music swells all because Charlotte smiles. WHAT!!!!!

IF YOU WANTED ME TO HATE CHARLOTTE SO BAD WHY DID YOU MAKE CLEO SO UNREASONABLE AND MEAN THIS SEASON AND CHARLOTTE AN ACTUAL SWEETHEART WHO HASN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG OTHER THAN ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKING A BOWL OF FLOUR INTO SOMEONE AND PINING AFTER A GUY WHO IS- I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH- SINGLE!!!

anyway brb making a list of all the times the girls openly use their powers or are just straight-up reckless in public SOLELY IN SEASON 2 so i can compare it to them getting really mad at Charlotte and holding her to a huge double-standard because she used her powers to mess with Nate a little bit because HUUUUUUH??? if you have any examples hit me up because im currently doing a rewatch and im on ep 6 and already have a few... most notably Emma using her powers during the soccer game to dunk on a seven-year-old, but also Cleo using her powers at school to [checks notes] take a shortcut across a field with a sprinkler instead of just walking around. I have a few from memory as well that i just haven't gotten up to yet (like Emma and Rikki harassing Lewis at his job and almost getting him arrested because they left the gate open)

>>>>>oh i see... tumblr desktop does not warn you if you have over 30 tags. noted... rip my essay on how Lewis also isn't 100% in the right here [with Charlotte. with Cleo he did nothing wrong (being overbearing... ok i get it, but she could have sat him down and talked to him abt how she was feeling before immediately jumping to breaking up) and even took her aside more than once to ask her if she was okay, if this is what she really wanted, and where he stands with her- to which she lies to his face during and says everything's fine, she's just protecting the secret, she isn't jealous At All, she doesn't want to get back together] because he unintentionally is leading Charlotte on bc he's not communicating the best, and then when they DO get together he's clearly not as invested in their relationship as she is, or how Charlotte was kinda jumping the gun a little but while their relationship is kinda messy in itself, it just doesn't compare to how annoyed Cleo makes me this season, i won't lie. also i did rant about the marine park incident again. it still really bothers me lolol

#H2O: Just Add Water #H2O Just Add Water #H2O JAW #maybe im just not picking up on subtle facial cues but Charlotte is literally just a sweetheart in the first 90% of #this season. a sweetheart who also doesn't take shit from Cleo trying to embarrass her publicly and reading her diary. #you'd think Cleo would know how shitty it is to do that to a person given Kim did it to her but NO! SHE DOES IT ANYWAY!! #cleo is so immature in s2 it is SO embarrassing... especially the fishing rod bit... girl that is like 100 dollars at the cheapest!!! #i get she's the main character so she gets to get away with everything ever but MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN...! #i don't think she ever actually apologizes to lewis or charlotte for the way she acted in this episode. solely to annette so she could get #the business deal for her dad... it's so SO shitty of her. like oh my god charlotte apologizes and you can't even give her the same grace #also THE ROD THING!! you unspooled his entire line (sending this massive bout of fishing line into the ocean) and dragged it into the #water where he likely wouldn't be able to get it back. and he's still SOMEHOW willing to show up to your house to speak in person and u #don't even give him the time of day to Actually Listen because you are being SO IMMATURE about EVERYTHING #Cleo you literally did ALL OF THIS TO YOURSELF!!!! PLEASE GET A GRIP GIRL!!!! #YOU broke up with Lewis. YOU embarrassed yourself trying to call Charlotte out and she stood up for herself. YOU threw a total fit over #Lewis and Charlotte fishing together to the point he felt it was necessary to talk to you in person. WTF!!!!!! <- angry #aaaAAAAAAAAA- #this is what i MEANT when i said I CAN'T WATCH SEASON 2 WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY!!! I C A N ' T #also minor thing but Emma being so OOC in this episode she doesn't try to stop them from harassing Annette and Charlotte with their magic #THAT IS OBSCENE EMMA WOULD'VE PUT A STOP TO THAT BEHAVIOR IMMEDIATELY!!! INSTEAD SHE JUST GOES ALONG WITH IT #as if Emma wouldn't be very willing to give Charlotte a chance after everything she saw Cleo do like 3 episodes ago reading her diary and #snooping on her life because she's 'sus' when she literally isn't she just has a crush on Cleo's ex-boyfriend #who. and i cannot emphasize this enough. CLEO BROKE UP WITH IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! #why does it take until EPISODE <S I X> FOR CLEO TO REALIZE *SHE* BROKE UP WITH LEWIS SO SHE'S TREATING HIM UNFAIRLY??? #SDKJGHKAFJGHAKLJHGKLJH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #im fine im fine. #spoilers #H2O spoilers #H2O JAW spoilers #H2O Just Add Water spoilers

[thatgirlonstage]

Me: so i think all the big fighting stuff finished in the episode I stopped on last time, so I'll go back to watch the stupid special that got stuck in the middle of the arc and then I'll go start on the whatever the wrap-up episodes are

Black Clover: bitch you thought

#black clover #SO ASTA'S GOING ???% I GUESS #HEY WITCH QUEEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOY #HE'S HAD ENOUGH LEAVE HIM ALONE #but yeah i really cannot emphasize enough that the episode i watched immediately before this was the stupid quiz show #it's just a good thing i already knew what to expect out of last week's heroaca #bc i cannot watch TWO of my boys start emitting creepy black energy without knowing why less than five days apart

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 11; the rewatch edition

I have found a bit more enthusiasm for this one on the rewatch, so here goes!

- din snapping ‘I’m trying my best here!’ in a vaguely annoyed tone as his entire ship is going up in flames around him because he mostly doesn’t get angry as much as sulky... the height of cinema 

- I love frog husband’s clothes, because they’re in a very similar style and colour scheme to frog lady’s but also incorporate the knitwear we see on the people of trask, so it both underlines his belonging with her and implies that he’s been on this moon for quite a while, they may have been apart for some time  

especially his scarf is a darling detail and there’s a bit of contrast in texture to it next to his wife’s, it’s nice. he’s wearing a similar kind of vest to what we see on the fishermen later, too 

- I think my favourite part of this entire episode (well second after din cradling the baby against him after nearly drowning) is just the design and Vibe of the planet and especially this harbour

for one I LOVE that it’s shown that even in the middle of the day it’s dark enough that the electric lights are still on when it’s overcast (it reminds me a bit of norway during the winter, actually, when dawn just never quite breaks and then slinks off in embarrassment before it’s even noon). and there’s also the... sails? nets? hanging around looking almost like flags, which are very Aesthetic but god knows what they’re for. maybe for drying fish on in the summer? 

I think the building in the distance behind frog husband’s back here is a lighthouse? or it could be one of those towers for loading you see when they scout out the empire ship too, I suppose!

and one for my strange obsession with Texture on this show: these fabric-covered crates!!! they look exactly as dingy and moldy as you’d expect them to be in this climate, I wonder what they’re for (& I vaguely want to touch them) 

- from the sound of it din’s vibroknife is uh ‘on’ when he pokes the squid thing, and he also goes for the tentacle the furthest away from the baby <3

proof the calamari flan have been scratched up a bit during all that time in din’s pockets! (the attention to detail in this show sometimes istg) 

- this is 100% me reading too much into things again, call the overthinking police I’ll do my time meekly lol, but the boat looks a little bit like the mudhorn signet from this angle: 

again din keeps his hand on or sooo close to his blaster in this entire scene, he knows this is sketch as all hell 

a) once again I want to praise the effects team for how GOOD the aliens look in this episode holy shit and b) the hell is this dude wearing on the straps of his overalls tho 

- the dude mando (axe woves) uses his little... wrist launcher thing to shoot with to finish two off the fishermen, so my theory that they can be loaded with other things than the whistling birds for slightly less effective use (maybe without the level of honing we’ve seen din’s be able to do?) is looking good!

- din actually has quite good form when diving into the water, I’m guessing he can swim at least tolerably when not in full armour, being stabbed at from all directions, having just had his son eaten by a sea monster and also being trapped in with said sea monster (I’m a strong swimmer and I can tell you that there’s a reason they make you swim with clothes on from time to time to see how hard it is, it sucks. with metal plates strapped all over you as well? yeah good luck) people don’t tend to hit the water that gracefully without some kind of training in my experience lol. might be some of the training with the jet pack has carried over too, considering he throws himself off that cliff in chapter 12 with similar confidence?

it’s interesting that they’re once again showing us a threat where the armour doesn’t help and even hinders him. we’re so used to the ways it can make him near-invincible, but it can also drag him down (literally, in this case. aha ha ha. well if I’m not here for my own entertainment then what am I here for honestly)

- din’s voice sounding like he’s just on the verge of crying as he cradles the baby (and the sound he makes as he realizes the baby’s alive) is my kryptonite, turns out. fucking breaks my heart into tiny pieces every time, I would die for this man and he wouldn’t let me

- in support of din’s paranoia: so far this season we haven’t been able to go five minutes without someone talking about peeling the precious beskar off a mandalorian corpse, I can see why his mind was primed to move in one particular way there

- I think the fabric of din’s cape has been treated with something that makes it waterproof; the water seems to pearl on top of it rather than soak in! can you imagine how heavy it would get if it did absorb water tho christ

(a bit hard to see at this size but that’s what it looked like to me close up anyway! could also be that it’s wool and that’s why it looks that way but I prefer an elaborate sci-fi explanation here, because it doesn’t look particularly weighed down afterwards) might also explain why he doesn’t seem worried about it catching on fire when he uses the jetpack haha, maybe this is something the mandos do with fabric they’re going to use for a long time 

I also enjoy part of the gambeson/undersuit thing poking up from under the shoulder pauldron and cape; I think this is about as disheveled as we’ve seen him since immediately post-mudhorn 

- the sound mixing in this scene, where din’s breathing is layered a bit over everything else so you almost feel like you’re in the helmet with him listening to what the others are saying........ oh my GOD, it embeds you so deeply in his POV but so subtly 

- not to be biased or anything... but din and the armorer’s armour design is so vastly superior to these guys it shouldn’t even be a competition lol 

din looks like an honest to god knight in shining armour except also sci-fi western and the armorer looks like a fucking war goddess from a time beyond memory; the clone wars mandos look like high end cosplayers (eh maybe it’s just my dislike for the boobplates that has me so 😒 lol. also a lot of dudes were very shitty about that whole thing and I don’t say anything but the ‘vaguely-concerned will remember this’ telltale message pops up in the corner every time) 

moment of saltiness over: I do like the differentiation between their individual character designs 

the differences in body type and helmet design is nice! they look like a unified team, but with individuality. I suspect the ladies have those belts and their armour plates on the hips instead of the front of the thighs to emphasize the ‘female’ silhouette, which. okay fine whatever

- bo katan looks very pointedly down at the baby after saying ‘a group of religious zealots who want to return to the ancient ways’ which makes me VERY nervous for reasons I can’t quite articulate

- the mournful guitar version of the mando theme as din watches the sunset...... hmmmmngh (this might be some Symbolism happening to us folks strap in for the identity crisis he still hasn’t processed) 

- I Cannot get over din being so unimpressed by and uninterested in bo katan’s ‘retake mandalore’ sales pitch from literally the first moment dfhasdkjfhsad sorry lady kryze this man just does not do main quest shit, he’s all side quests all the time and that’s why I love him  

- as someone who after chapter 8 wrote a whole-ass fic that was wholly & exclusively about din telling the baby he’ll always come back for him... some of the shit he’s been saying this season does feel like it’s been written to mercilessly victimize me, personally and specifically 

- guessing this structure in the background is the traffic control tower! doesn’t really matter, I just thought it was neat

- this part of the soundtrack is called ‘ship o hoj, mandalorians!’, which I found incredibly charming haha (it’s ‘ship ahoy’ except how you write it in swedish, good one herr göranson)  

- bo katan is vague about who exactly the new mand’alor would be if they took back mandalore to begin with, she doesn’t specify she is planning to be the ruler until she’s already got din on the ship and in no position to refuse to help. gotta respect the grift at least lol  

I do love her voice, though, it reminds me a bit of jennifer hale as shepard

- “I need to get back to my ship, with the foundling” your honor I uh love him so fucking much 

- frog lady stroking the baby’s back a bit as she holds her hand behind him to make sure he doesn’t fall backwards while playing with the tadpole ;___________;

and also frog husband and frog lady reaching out to hold hands and frog smooching as din and yodito leave ;____________________________________________;

- when din says the exasperated “mon calamari. unbelievable” line, the baby makes that little blowing a raspberry sound he does as if to agree ‘uh-huh unbelu -- unbelly -- unbelievable dad smh’ and it is very very adorable 

- there’s quite a bit of Stuff in the concept art that didn’t make it in this time around; I wonder if maybe they cut some stuff for pacing or whatever and that’s why this episode is so short? water leaking into the cockpit of the razor crest, something that looked a bit like whaling going on on the docks and more spaceships taking off (maybe there were originally meant to be some smaller ships defending the big empire one?), there’s quite a bit here  

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta

[tanoraqui]

I have no idea what critical role is but you reblog it a lot. Is it just a bunch of people playing video games or something?

Critical Role is an ongoing RPG game (D&D 5e) played by a bunch of notable voice actors from video games, including Ashely Johnson (The Last of Us), Liam O’Brien (idk, he voiced some guy named Illidan somewhere? I know very little about video games), and Laura Bailey (she’s Laura goddamn Bailey). The Dungeon Master is Matthew Mercer (blanking - Overwatch cowboy) who’s REALLY GODDAMN GOOD at being a DM, and indeed does it as part of his full-time job now, because at some point they all went “fuck it” and incorporated as their own company. Because fuck yeah. Last spring (my god it was only last spring) they did a kickstarter to fund an animated series of some previous RPG adventures, and it broke several records and now - slowed by the global pandemic - there’s gonna be 2 seasons of an animated show, hosted by Amazon I think? (Every time I think about that I scream softly in excitement in my mind.)

It’s currently on its second big, multi-year campaign, with the adventuring party The Mighty Nein. Their previous campaign starred Vox Machina. Some highlights, arbitrarily mixed together, include:

that time Vox Machina had a cannonball contest, displaying their distinct personalities and powersets really well, actually

that time the Mighty Nein accidentally got into a fight with some smugglers and then the city guard, accidentally stole a ship, and thus, and I cannot emphasize this enough, accidentally became pirates

“Take me instead, you raven bitch.”  - Vax’ildan of Vox Machina, half-elven rogue, offering his own life to the goddess of death in exchange for his sister’s and (unbeknownst to him at the time) beginning of long character arc of multiclassing as a paladin

Vox Machina’s archnemeses: doors, and also the elderly

the Mighty Nein’s archnemeses: chairs

Veth Brenatto, sometimes Nott the Brave, of the Mighty Nein regaining - with the help of her friends - her halfling form after years as a goblin, and immediately dip-kissing her husband and kicking all aforementioned friends (and her son) out so they can have sex

Taliesin Jaffe had eerie luck with nat20s in the Vox Machina campaign, but I maintain that Laura Bailey [harp music] actually has the best record for narratively on-point nat20s, including but not limited to:

two consecutive nat20s as Vex’ahlia of Vox Machina, half-elven ranger, to shoot the Briarwoods (sexy wizard/vampire couple) when they were about to kill her brother

True Love’s Nat20, rolling as part of the resurrection ritual to bring back Percy (Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, human gunslinger of VM)

in the culminating moment of an episode in which the M9 one by one spoke with ancient, evil hag about what they might trade her in order to lift the curse on Nott, tiefling Jester Lavorre rolling at nat20 deception check to trick the into hag eating a cupcake laced with magic dust that lowered her ability to resist the Modify Memory curse Jester immediately cast, convincing the hag that she’d already agreed to the deal without demanding anything in return

not a Vex roll but Vex-enabled: dropping Grog (goliath barbarian) out of basically a magical pokeball with perfect dramatic timing for him to roll a nat20 final blow on his evil abusive uncle, cleaving him in twain

“Call me child one more goddamn time--”  - Keyleth of the Air Ashari, half-elven druid of VM, snarling at the ancient green dragon who’d orchestrated the destruction of 1/4 of Keyleth’s people

“You were not born with poison in your veins....Welcome to the Mighty Nein.”  - Caleb Widogast, human wizard, consoling/forgiving/welcoming aa lawful evil NPC who they’d caught playing a major part in creating a war between two empires for The Greater Ultimate Good (and kinda his own personal gain)...but he was their friend already at that point and Caleb had his own history with doing terrible things that he thought were right at the time, and actually someone else might’ve said the “Welcome to the Mighty Nein” part but that’s intrinsically part of it, and it’s...something they say to a lot of people; to a range of NPCs and guest characters. Which is interesting because Vox Machina DIDN’T; they were a tighter family unit but...well, they were a tighter family unit. And kinda...better people, more Heroes(TM)? Disastrous and often very fucked up inside and sometimes out, but Heroes(TM), on the whole. 

whereas the M9 are more trying to sort out their own personal problems, and stumble into international politics almost by mistake. Even their relationships with NPCs are different - they don’t trust, none of the M9 trust in a way VM did, the party took much longer to gel just with each other. Partly, admittedly, because by the time Vox Machina came to the YouTube screen, the cast had been playing at home for about a year, whereas we’ve been watching the M9 from level 1...but even accounting for that, they’re all much less trusting people. Most of them had big secrets in their backstory

which is why it’s all the more wonderful every time they invite someone new it, either outside the group or just with each other. And it pays off - I don’t have a whole meta, but I’ve been thinking idly for a while about how kinda...the big (DM-created) plot twists in the VM campaign were generally...disruptions, dissolutions, or betrayals? The deception of Raishan (aforementioned ancient green dragon.) Hotis’s assassination attempt on Vax, while disguised as a trusted NPC. When Emperor Uriel stepped down and before he’d even finished his speech, there was a sudden invasion of 4 goddamn ancient dragons. Whereas the M9...not only have no NPCs unexpectedly turned on them (the grievous actions of aforementioned lawful evil NPC were mostly pre-story), but it feels almost like a plot twist every time an NPC in authority is benevolent? Like, they arranged peace negotiations between the warring empires and I think every single fan and player was waiting with bated breath for it to all go wrong...and it didn’t. There’s a truce, now. Will it last? Who knows. Jester’s god turned out to not be a god at all, just an archfey in over his head, but he’s not trying to hurt anyone - he came clean and asked for help.

Idk, man. Critical Role streams on Twitch every Thursday at 7pm, or at least, it’ll keep doing so if public health concerns don’t make it take a break again, and it makes me unironically happy to watch, pretty much every time. The cast has great friend chemistry and, now that they’ve all warmed up to each other, so do the characters.

Episodes DO tend to be 3-4 hours long, shaving off maybe half an hour in the podcast versions, so be aware of that. But I just kind of set Thursday evenings aside and I love it. 

it’s funny bc I told my roommate I probably wasn’t going to go on a long emphatic ramble in response to this but Here We Are

#critical role #random anon asks

[recurring-polynya]

Bleach Sword Beasts Arc Recap: Episode 263

I have been putting this off, but It Is Time: I am going to review the episode where Zabimaru and Senbonzakura get stuck in Squad 12.

The episode starts out with Saru and Hebi very competently taking out a sword beast, and a bunch of Squad 6er’s get really hype about it. I love this. Please more of this.

No one ever cares what I think, though, because they don’t finish the job, and Senbonzakura has to do it. Not only does he steal their thunder, he does it in such a way that when the sword beast turns back into a sword, it breaks into two pieces, and one piece falls on each of their heads. It’s honestly a great piece of physical comedy, behold my lightning fast screenshotting reflexes:

Squad 6 are a bunch of bootlickers, so they immediately start fawning over Senbonzakura instead. You cannot care about the opinion of Squad 6, Zabimaru! The only way to win is not to play!! Then, to add insult to injury, Renji makes them write apology letters. I cannot overemphasize how deeply tired Renji is throughout this episode, and I am here for it. This is a man who has filled out so much zanpakutou-related paperwork. Also, there is a very cute little scene where Saru is protesting the letters and slapping the coffee table that is so, so reminiscent of The Desk Slap. I am utterly charmed with the idea that zanpakutou and their shinigami share mannerisms. Oh, also, I guess Squad 6 has some fancy-ass guest chairs? Well, they do now.

Renji implies that he has also been getting shit about how Captain Kuchiki’s zanpakutou is better than his. Zabimaru take this poorly, and decide they are going to return the broken sword to Squad 12, leaving this little love letter for Renji:

This poor, beleaguered man. For the record, nothing good happens to him this episode.

Anyway, Zabimaru head off to Squad 12, but no one is answering the door. I am sure they are just all playing Counterstrike with their headphones on, but that doesn’t help get the door opened. They break in through a window, there are some unnecessary jokes about Saru’s perfectly fine caboose, and it turns out Senbonzakura has beaten them here. He lectures them on breaking into someone else’s barracks, despite the fact that he, himself got in by knocking a giant hole in the wall.

Look, one of my favorite things about Byakuya is his utter, blatant, completely un-self-aware hypocrisy, like when he lectures people on how their arrogance will be their downfall, and the fact that Senbonzakura is just Like That 100% of the time is delightful to me.

Since they’re here, they decide to go stick the broken sword in a containment chamber. Saru explains that she knows how the controls work because she’s seen Renji do this before. Senbonzakura decides he also knows how the controls work because he is a self-important idiot, and manages to set off an alarm and get them trapped behind an emergency barrier (naturally, he blames Saru for “startling him.”)

Senbonzakura tries to use his sword to break them out, nearly killing Saru and Hebi in the process (also classic Byakuya behavior). Saru suggests that maybe they could just… wait for someone to come let them out? Senbonzakura is for it, until it turns out that the waiting may be longer than 10 seconds, and he absolutely goes feral. God, I love this episode. Unfortunately, he causes so much of a commotion that Ashisogi Jizou shows up. Obvs nothing good will come of this.

Ashisogi Jizou can’t hear them through the glass, but he tries to be helpful (?) so he gets a banana (??) which sends Senbonzakura into a rage (?????) We know from that one omake that Byakuya has sort of a thing for bananas, so I feel like there is some epic backstory for this, and the fact that no explanation is given makes it even more magical.

Anyway, Ashisogi Jizou breaks the remote and then runs away because Senbonzakura scared them. Saru and Hebi once again discuss that they will just have to wait for someone who knows what they are doing to show up, but Senbonzakura has no time for this and goes directly to bankai.

This works in the sense that it frees them, but it’s bad in the sense that it destroys the lab and sets of a bunch of defenses. Senbonzakura sets off running and Hebi and Saru chase him, only to realize that he has no clue where he’s going, he’s just running because he likes to be in front. There’s all kinds of blast doors closing on them, and rest assured, they do an Epic Maneuver, but it was too hard to capture, so just picture this only with more sliding:

I tell you, I would give you all the money I have in my pocket to see Byakuya and Renji do an Epic Maneuver, but this is pretty good, I'll take it.

Immediately after this is the classic scene where Senbonzakura’s mask crumbles and he immediately pulls out another one, we’ve all seen it. I do want to specify that Saru and Hebi definitely did see his (presumably) impossibly beautiful face for the split second it was visible.

Anyway, they are now in the Squad 12 control room, where you can spy on anyplace in the Seireitei. I am obsessed with cataloging which modern technology they have in Soul Society and what they don’t, and this scene is amazing in what it reveals. Urinals? Yes. Washing machines? Yes. Treadmills? Yes. What the f’ing f are Hisagi and Kazeshini doing? Are they making milk for Kazeshini’s baby? Didn't he re-home it? Also, why are Kira, Iba, and that annoying guy from Squad 4 all using the same bathroom at the same time? This scenes answers some questions, but it asks a lot more.

Senbonzakura is a tireless advocate for privacy rights, so he is enraged and starts button-mashing again. It turns out you can control everything in the Seireitei from this control room, and water and flames start shooting out of every conceivable place water and flames could shoot from. I cannot emphasize enough how good the physical comedy in this episode is, and I can’t even add much to it, you should just go watch it yourself.

The episode goes completely off the rails at this point. Stuff starts blowing up, and Senbonzakura claims Saru and Hebi are at fault by virtue of being in the same vicinity as him. Ashisogi Jizou goes to bankai. Senbonzakura goes to bankai. Zabimaru finally snaps and goes to bankai. Squad 12 is destroyed. There is a scene featuring the worst-drawn Renji in the history of Bleach, which I categorically refuse to show here.

In the crater of what used to be Squad 12, every Soul Reaper in the the Seireitei, except, notably, Byakuya, show up to yell at them. Senbonzakura, pristine and uninjured, claims total innocence in these shenanigans.

Even Renji has no sympathy for his poor zanpakutou, and he, Ukitake and Kyouraku give them stacks of paperwork to do in punishment. At this point, you’re like, “yeah, great episode, hijinks are done, let’s wrap–” and Renji says “Senbonzakura is nothing like his master!” and Kyouraku is like, “Wee-elll….”

::chef’s kiss::

#sword beasts arc #bleach filler #senbonzakura #zabimaru #i am sorry i did not have much to add to this #it's just stands on its own #oh and as if it weren't great enough #it features the omake where renji takes pity on sasakibe and gets ishida to make him a new costume #it had more random squad 6 group shots too #blessed content

[ooohyou]

Submitted to r/nosleep by u/NemesisLuce

Please support the original author.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. Cute little bookstore in a quaint little town. I love helping customers find the right book for their mood. I love showing cute children’s books to curious kids. I love talking with sales reps and figuring out exactly which new releases to order from them.

I also fucking hate my job.

It was ten minutes past closing time, and I had my brightest, fakest smile on while trying to get the last customer out of my store. No sir, I cannot look up a book on the computer if all you know is the cover was red when you saw a poster for it 5 years ago. No sir, “I think it was about the cold war and a detective who drank too much but maybe it was something else” does not help me at all. Look sir, all my historical thrillers are on this shelf. Does anything ring a bell? No? Was it made into a movie? You don’t know? Oooookaaaay then, I’m sorry to inform you that we are already past closing time, here’s the store number, if you remember the title give us a call and we’ll order it for you if it’s still available. Thank you, good evening to you too sir, goodbye. Yes you have your umbrella, it’s right here in your hand sir. Okay bye bye.

I sighed and gave my cashier the biggest eyeroll I could manage before locking the door and turning over the sign that previously said ‘come in, we’re open!’. I heard the coins clanking in the coin counting machine (do these have a name? I don’t know. Coin counting machine is pretty self-explanatory and I’ve never bothered to check if they were actually called that), signifying that Alice had started to sort her cash drawer. I would only need to take out the profits of the day, make sure she had enough cash for tomorrow, and send her home. I went through the motions mechanically, only thinking about the nap I was about to have in the breakroom. It was going to be glorious. I really needed it if I wanted to be alert for the night shift.

Oh, yeah. We’ve got a night shift here. It’s my store’s most… peculiar aspect. We close at 6pm, but we open again at 11, up until 5am. Then we open again at 10am. So when I said ‘nap’ earlier, I actually meant the first half of my night, since I am working both shifts. Yes, I live in my store. Please buy books instead of reading stuff on the Internet, I would really love to be able to afford another employee.

So there I was, counting money fully on autopilot, daydreaming about drinking a nice cup of herbal tea and hugging my pillow, when Alice said something that ruined my plans.

“I forgot to tell you, something weird happened when you were on break.”

I snapped out of my daydream instantly and shot her a questioning glare.

“Yeah, this old lady came in, looking for something about fairy tales. I showed her the section but she didn’t want to have a look there apparently, and she asked me about something from the back. And I was like ‘do you think we’re hiding books from our customers or something’ so I just told her everything we had was on display in the store but we could order any book we didn’t have if she wanted. And she just shook her head and mumbled something and then she handed me this pamphlet and I was like ‘okay feel free to look around’ and didn’t even look at the pamphlet before shoving it in my pocket because a kid entered the store holding an open juice box and that was a disaster waiting to happen so yeah but that was weird right?”

She had actually run out of breath by the end of her sentence, and I wasn’t surprised. I was pissed though.

“Alice for FUCKS sake. Give me the pamphlet, don’t look at it. I’ll write that you were fired because of the store’s financial situation and give you a glowing recommendation.”

All color drained from the young girl’s face. I wasn’t mad at her, but I was still mad. She was supposed to know the rules. Hell, I even had her train the temps we hired to help around Christmas time. In retrospect, it was a miracle nothing bad had happened.

Okay, I was slightly mad at her. But I really didn’t want to be.

I saw in her eyes that it had finally clicked. She understood the gravity of what she had done, and handed me a crumpled pamphlet from her pocket, making sure to avert her gaze. God damn it. She had one momentary lapse, and it cost me a good cashier. Fucking hell.

“I’m sorry…” she started.

“It’s okay Alice, you didn’t mean to. You were alone on the floor, she was an old bat, it could’ve happened to anyone. You’ll be missed around here, but please don’t visit.”

She nodded. She finally remembered the rules, and she understood that there was no other way.

I put the cash drawer in the safe while she gathered the stuff she had left in the break room. I opened the back door to light a cigarette. She had tears in her eyes as she exited the store. I gave her a smile and clasped her hands in mine.

“You were a good employee, Alice. You’ll do great in a regular bookstore. Don’t doubt yourself and avoid this street for a few weeks. Call me if you run into any trouble, okay?”

“Thank you for the opportunity, boss. I really loved working here.”

“I know you did. Now hurry home. Don’t answer to anyone knocking on your door. Be safe.”

She nodded and scurried away, her backpack bouncing with her steps. I crammed my half-finished cigarette into the already-full-but-I-keep-forgetting-to-empty-it ashtray and went back inside.

The pamphlet was sitting on top of the safe, and as I grabbed it I felt the urge to read it. Nope. In the bin you go. I was accustomed to those old tricks. First rule of working with my clientele is to know when you can’t trust your instincts because something’s fucking with them. Second rule is to trust your instincts. Confusing? Welcome to my life.

So I ended up sitting at my desk typing furiously on my computer instead of napping. I still had a few hours until night shift, but I absolutely had to start interviewing prospective employees in the next couple days – in the meantime I just had to hope one of my part-time employees would like to work a few extra hours. I just have too much work to spend all my time manning the register and keeping the tables neat. While the store isn’t that big, it still is a lot for one person.

I obviously had to update the employee rulebook as well. Just emphasize that you can’t take chances with crazy old people. You never know if they’re truly crazy or something else.

“Never accept anything a customer hands you directly if it’s not (real) money. If they’re promoting something, make them leave any cards, pamphlets, posters at the register. If you end up accepting whatever they gave you, don’t look at it, and come to me immediately.”

Yes, it’s weird. I know it’s weird. Look, I pay my employees a fair enough wage that they make sure to follow the rules. I don’t care if they think I’m crazy. I probably am. It doesn’t matter.

I pressed enter and added:

“If a customer asks if they can see what we have in the back, politely decline and offer them to order whatever book they need. If they persist, come get me.”

God damn it, Alice actually handled this part well. But she grabbed the pamphlet, and I had to protect her.

I don’t write the rules to make my employees better workers. I write them to make sure they survive. The main reason any infraction is cause for termination is that, well, it could be the cause for the actual termination of their existence on Earth. Getting fired from a job is a way better alternative.

Alice accepted the old lady’s pamphlet. It could’ve been anything else. A tissue, a cigarette, a glass of water. She unknowingly made a bargain with whatever the woman was. ‘I gave you something, now I’m free to take something’. Entities like the old lady abide by archaic rules. In a store, this is what applies. I lost a regular day customer that way. The poor lady was watching over her kid, who was merrily making a mess looking through the 3-5 years old section, when a young girl came up to her. “Look miss, look I made a drawing”, she said. My customer grabbed the piece of paper and the girl ran off. A couple days later, posters popped up everywhere in town for a missing toddler.

I was obviously pissed. I’d been waiting to see that little girl again and tell her that business rules applied only between merchant and customers and she had no right to force an innocent, unaware person into a contract. My night clientele is well aware of that, and treasure having a place to find literature enough to not risk jeopardizing the fragile balance between both worlds. Nonhumans can be facetious little shits though, and I’ve never seen that girl again. Some entities enjoy chaos just for the sake of it. This one just danced around the rules, grabbed what she wanted, and ruined two lives. My customer sank into a deep depression and ended up gouging her eyes out during a manic episode. Her toddler was never found, but I don’t think he will grow up to be a respectable, human adult.

I checked the time and decided I could get 2 hours of sleep before having to get the store ready for night shift. So obviously I went to check out who – or what – was knocking on the glass window near the entrance because who needs sleep anyway.

It was an old lady, her wrinkled bloated nose pressed against the glass, her skeletal fingers tapping against it in a rhythmical fashion that was getting on my nerves. She had piercing, blood-injected eyes that were fixed on me and a grin so large it couldn’t possibly be natural.

I didn’t have time to be scared, but I still felt the fear creeping up on my stomach, slowly making its way through my body. No matter how hard I tried to reject it, I couldn’t. Stupid human nature. I adorned my best customer service smile and walked up to the old lady.

“My apologies, you seem to be a bit early. We will be open for business at eleven.”

I didn’t need to yell. I knew she could hear me clearly in spite of the glass separating us.

One… two… three taps on the window. Her already impossibly wide grin grew even wider, revealing rotten teeth sticking out of black, putrid gums. Thick, yellowish saliva was dripping down in strands from her non-existent lips. By the time the corners of her mouth reached her temples, I was sure I would lose my fake confidence and run in the opposite direction. No matter how many times you deal with unnatural entities, being mere centimeters away from a nightmarish mouth full of rot and decay will shake you to your core. I tried to breathe calmly, being secretly thankful for the glass that separated me from what was probably the foulest smell I’d ever submitted my nose to, hoping the old lady would see me standing my ground and respect the rules of business. I could deal with her inside my bookstore, where she would be a customer. I just needed to stay brave and meet her transfixed, unwavering gaze. Her eyes were more blood vessels than pupils, and I found myself focusing on those instead of whatever was moving in her mouth. I did not want to see her tongue, not after seeing the state of her teeth. And I sure as hell did not want to see whatever I clearly caught moving around her mouth if it wasn’t her tongue. No, her eyes were scary but I could deal with them, no matter how unsettling it was to see them bulge in and out of her head in a slow motion, almost as if they were breathing. The glass became foggier and foggier on her side due to her heavy, animalistic panting, but I kept my gaze straight, only catching glimpses of fog and movement in my peripheral visions. If I were to treat her like an animal, I needed to assert myself as the alpha. I don’t yield to rude, entitled customers, and I wouldn’t yield to rude, entitled nonhumans breaching the unspoken contract that allowed them to enjoy my store.

After what felt like forever, she stopped tapping on the window. Her grin reverted back to a normal, almost friendly smile. She blinked, soggy wrinkled eyelids covering those eyes I had stared at for far too long.

“I guess I’ll see you when you’re open, then”. In spite of the glass panel separating us, I felt her putrid breath against my ear as she whispered her parting words.

Just like that, she turned and left.

Understandably, I was not looking forward to seeing her during the night shift. My regular customers were unsettling enough, I did not want to add the batshit-insane-nightmarish-grandma to the list.

I’m a business owner. The customer may not be always right, but they are always my priority. I will have to open tonight, because while some may not consider books to be a necessity, I guarantee you that it is vital not only for my business, but for some of my night customers that I open every night. I complain about my life a lot, but some of them face issues they can’t simply look up on the internet nor ask a friend or even a therapist. They may urgently need something from the night inventory, and I will do my best to provide it for them. I’ve always loved being a bookseller, but helping nonhumans find whatever fits their very specific needs has given me a sense of purpose I’m not ready to give up just yet.

I will open tonight. And I will protect my business and its rules, to ensure that I can open tomorrow night.

(Note: edited some words to fit in with the location LOL)

#r/nosleep #ghoststories #storytelling #bookstore #book store owner #ghosts #creepy #bedtime stories #SoundCloud

[trensu]

Episode 25: The One where They Frolic in the Forest but like, Sad This Time

Okay folks, buckle up bc this one has a lot of Hetero Drama and Stupid Plot Things

But look!! I’ve made it to the halfway point of the show!! I’m so proud of myself

We’re gonna skip as much of that as possible

BUT this one has some EPIC moments to make up for it

We start at Lotus Pier

Stuff’s happening that we’re not interested in 

except for how our resident Disaster Het jzx comes by to invite the jiang clan to the jin clan’s awesome sleepover with sweet sweet party games

Plot plot plot

WE’RE AT AN ARCHERY COMPETITION!!

I guess that’s how they open sleepovers in Ancient Fantasy China?

LWJ AND WWX ARE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

OUR BOYS ARE SHARING SCREEN TIME!! WITHOUT HURTING US!!!

Blegh, jgy is talking

And here the jin clan bring out their wen prisoners bc they think it’s fun to place them in front of the targets??? anD THEY GET AWAY WITH IT??

THEY DID THIS IN FRONT OF BASICALLY THE ENTIRE CULTIVATION WORLD AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!!

I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS

WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM

Wwx at least tried to protest but jc shut him down, bc their clan really isn’t strong enough to stir up trouble rn 

BUT THERE WERE PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN MORE SECURE, POWERFUL POSITIONS THAT COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING

I’M LOOKING AT YOU, LXC. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE LAN CLAN MOTTO, HUH?? WHAT HAPPENED TO RIGHTEOUSNESS???

*takes a deep breath*

Okay, okay

I’m calm, i’m cool

So that happened

Jzx tries to show off by shooting an arrow and getting a bullseye without hitting any of the prisoners

And wwx sees this and is like, hmmmm, i can humiliate jzx AND discreetly protect the wen prisoners!!! (and give the audience a bite of wangxiantics)

Wwx: lan zhan, do me a favor

Lwj: what’s the matter?

Wwx: can i borrow your forehead ribbon?

CAN I BORROW YOUR FOREHEAD RIBBON

THE SPECIAL ONE THAT NO ONE BUT FAMILY AND SPOUSES CAN TOUCH

I JUST WANT TO BORROW IT IN PUBLIC WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE. NBD

Lwj just stares at him in response and wwx sulks but doesn’t push it

(lol, jc sees that go down and is just completely exasperated, like, one day, can we get one day when you don’t OVERTLY FLIRT WITH LWJ in front of EVERYONE??)

(the answer is no. no, he cannot do that, jc)

(he’s not allowed to not flirt with lwj)

Since he couldn’t get the super special forehead ribbon, he uses one of his own wrist ribbon things to blindfold himself

Please take a moment to appreciate the fact thAT HE WAS GONNA USE THE SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON TO BLINDFOLD HIMSELF, THE KINKY BASTARD

Wwx: nbd nbd, imma just shoot 5 arrows whilst blindfolded and hit every bullseye there is WITHOUT harming any of these innocent war victims.

It’s all in the twirl, baby

He does a Dramatic Twirl, Smirks™ and then releases those arrows like nothing

And afterwards he has this proud little grin on his face bc hell yeah, he just owned jzx’s smug ass AND prevented any harm from falling on innocent people

Also, LOL, NMJ’S REACTION TO THIS WAS GREAT

He sees wwx be a badass with a bow and arrow and immediately turns to lxc next to him with an expression like HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT, THAT WAS AWESOME and starts clapping like a madman

For future reference, this is the correct response to wwx all the time, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU BB

After all that, wwx struts back to stand next to lwj and gives him a proud little smile. It’s so cute, so cute.

Jgy is talking again BLEGH

Now we’re in the forest!! For hunting reasons!!

Wwx makes himself comfy by a tree and plays Magic Music on his demon flute and is all pretty while doing it and supposedly gets all this prey to jump into Jiang nets

we never actually see this happen but everyone says it happened and who am i to argue?

(actually i like to argue one-sidedly at the screen a lot but this was not important enough so whatever)

Also, side note, jc is KILLIN IT with his fashion choices in this ep. LOOKIN GOOD BRO

But we don’t care about any of this 

We care that WWX SUDDENLY SPOTS LWJ WALKING ALL ALONE IN THE FOREST AND HIS WHOLE ENTIRE FACE LIGHTS UP LIKE THE FREAKING SUN BC HE’S SO HAPPY TO SEE HIS SOULMATE

IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

And then it gets sad. Sad times in the forest :(

Wwx was totally making a move to get lwj’s attention but he stops himself

Bc he remembers the conversation he had with lxc about how the ones he cares about can be hurt by his decisions

Thank goodness lwj notices him back

Wwx looks so surprised but also pleased the lwj sees him

And ofc lwj does not hesitate to go to wwx

BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE SOULMATES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, i heard you got tired of writing out the Lan Fam Rules~!

He’s happily engaging him in conversation!! He’s trying to tease him again!

Too bad lwj does not go along with it

This whole “let’s ruin wwx’s attempts for pleasant conversation by bringing up sad things” is getting really old lwj, stop that

Lwj: i made some progress in composing the music score and i’d like to share it with you to see if it works

eXCuSe mE??

HE’S BEEN WRITING MAGIC MUSIC FOR WWX??

HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS BEFORE??

I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST LEARNING FORBIDDEN MAGIC MUSIC, NOT CREATING MAGIC MUSIC FROM SCRATCH SPECIFICALLY FOR WWX

HE LOVES HIM SO MUCHHHH

Wwx: lan wangji, lan wangji

Noooo he’s reverted to calling him formally!!

And his tone went all flat!!

DON’T DO THAT

Wwx: who do you take me for? Why can’t you leave me alone?

DON’T SAY THAT

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT

YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE

STOP HURTING ME LWJ LIKE THIS

The minute wwx asks him that, lwj lowers his gaze when previously he had his eyes glued to wwx’s face the whole time

Bc WWX JUST STABBED HIM IN THE HEART WITH HIS WORDS

Lwj: who do you take me for?

He says all somberly, STILL NOT LOOKING AT WWX

Oh god, their faces are breaking my heart

After lwj says that, wwx stares at him for a long moment before canting his eyes to the side AND THEY LOOK KIND OF TEARY??

I THINK??

THAT MAY JUST BE MY TEARS

SOMEWHERE, TEARS ARE INVOLVED

Wwx: i once treated you as my lifelong confidant (AKA SOULMATE)

Lwj: i still am

*SOBBING*

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

THEY’RE STARING AT EACH OTHER WITH SO MUCH FEELING

I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF

Aaaaand the moment’s interrupted bc of stupid jzx and his Hetero Drama

Wwx hears someone approaching and he grabs lwj by the arm and drags him to a hiding spot where they can spy on jzx who just appeared with jyl

You know, i love how whenever wwx grabs lwj to drag him somewhere we get a bit of slo-mo stuff to, i guess, emphasize wwx is touching lwj or something

Not that we need the emphasis

It’s not like we’re not already hyper-aware of their EVERY INTERACTION

So now we get to watch wwx and lwj spy jzx and jyl

Lol, i wonder what lwj is thinking

Does he watch this and sympathize? Does he get secondhand embarrassment bc he knows he doesn’t do any better expressing his feelings to his soulmate??

I can’t imagine he has any actual interest in spying on Disaster Het jzx

Lwj is a Disaster Gay 

There can only be so much Disaster at a time, y’know?

or maybe he’s just thinking OMG WWX TOUCHED ME OMG WWX IS SO CLOSE

yeah, that’s probably it

Okay, there’s Hetero Drama going down 

Blah blah blah

BUT WAIT, jzx just made jyl tear up AGAIN

Wwx is all ready to tear jzx a new one but lwj holds him back before he could give away their location

Like, if asked, i’m sure lwj would say “oh, i stopped him to avoid an inter-clan incident” or whatever

But his REAL reason for holding him back was bc he was enjoying have wwx so physically close to him again

While secluded in a hidden spot

I mean, there’s less than a foot of space between them

I wouldn’t be so eager to give that up if i had wwx that close to me either

But lwj can’t hold him back for long bc jzx does another douchebaggy thing and wwx has had Enough

Wwx goes to defend his sister BC NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE JYL SAD, OKAY?

Wwx and jzx argue and then jzx draws his sword and takes a swing at wwx!!

SO OFC LWJ SWOOPS IN AND PARRIES THE BLOW

Lol jzx is so confused as to why lwj is there suddenly

You just tried attacking his soulmate, bro

what did you think was gonna happen

Ugh more Hetero Drama

Gotta say, i do enjoy watching jzx get scolded by his mother

Asshole cousin starts stirring up trouble and throwing a hissy fit about how wwx used his demon flute to catch 30% of the prey and how it’s Dishonorable and Cheating behavior

Lwj turns to wwx for a moment here and is like “30%??” idk if he’s impressed or concerned here.

Maybe both

Lwj gets a lot of Feelings around wwx, okay?

Lol, while asshole cousin is ranting, wwx turns his back on him to look at lwj

Wwx: oh, lan zhan, i didn’t thank you earlier for blocking that attack for me! Thank you~!

WHAT A POWER MOVE

HE GETS TO INSULT ASSHOLE COUSIN AND STARE AT HIS SOULMATE’S BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE

WIN-WIN

Wwx is holding it together until asshole cousin accuses the jiang clan of having a corrupt or weak family or smth?

Then he starts getting all twitchy the way he does when Resentment kicks in

Asshole cousin continues to goad him and wwx starts to reach for his demon flute

Lwj flies to his side and grabs his arm!

Lwj: wei ying, concentrate. Wei ying, concentrate.

(wwx has a knack for making lwj repeat himself)

Jyl joins him to help wwx calm down

And now we take a break from wangxiantics for BADASS JYL TIME

Jyl goes and apologizes all sweetly to everyone for wwx’s supposedly rude behavior or whatever

And then turns to asshole cousin

Jyl: i might not know much about hunts, but i know there’s never been a rule about catching too much prey

DAAAAMN, GIRL

Jyl: it’s not his fault you can’t hunt prey. He used a different method that he worked hard to learn

Jyl: FURTHERMORE, you called him the son of a servant when he is my dear little brother

Jyl: so i would like for you to apologize to wwx

JYL IS THE GREATEST SISTER IN THE WORLD

Madam jin is like, ah, it’s not that big of a deal, let the boys squabble 

And jyl shuts that down by telling her that wwx is family, an insult to him is not a trivial matter for her

GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Blah blah plot blah blah jzx is a Disaster Het in front of Witnesses blah blah 

Gross, sect leader yao goes off on a rant

We’re gonna ignore him

We cut to wwx downing a jar of wine in the middle of town 

*sigh* i don’t even know why i bother telling him off at this point, he’s obviously not worried at all about alcoholism

Ooooh, and now we’re getting Lan Bro time. Very wangxiantic lan bro time

Lxc: lwj, i can tell you’re worried about something. What is it?

Lwj: …

Lwj: lxc, i..i want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses

(guys, the ellipses here actually happened. We actually hear lwj do a start-stop on his sentence)

(THIS FROM A GUY WHO DOESN’T SPEAK MUCH BUT WHEN HE DOES SPEAK, SOUNDS LIKE A PRINCE)

(Our boy is Overcome with Feeling rn)

Lxc: bring a man back to Cloud Recesses?

Lwj: bring him back…and hide him there.

Lxc: hide him?

Lwj: …

Lxc: he may be unwilling to go, right?

LXC KNOWS WHATS UP BC THERE’S ONLY ONE MAN WHO HAS EVER AFFECTED HIS LITTLE BROTHER THIS WAY

Lwj stays silent here, and the lan bros manfully stare off to the distance

(I like to pretend that here lxc starts coming up with elaborate kidnapping plots bc he wants his lil bro to be happy and that’s only happening if he drags wwx back to their home)

(i mean, locking up your soulmate against their will is a Lan family tradition, isn’t it??)

AND THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS

THIS SHOW DOESN’T PULL ITS PUNCHES, DOES IT?

This forest frolic was not nearly as fun as the last one :(

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Last Call (15x07)

My heart is so full, y'all. Damn.

Cons:

Will you just let Eileen and Sam kiss, though? The slow-burn is charming to a point, but we're running out of episodes, here. Let's get this show on the road. They are so freakin' cute.

I love Christian Kane so much and I loved his performance. I do think it's a little silly to shoe-horn this awesome friend into Dean's past like this. I get it - this was someone he used to hunt with on occasion when he was younger. That part I'm fine with. But they talked like John was a father-figure in this guy's life, that he took them both out on hunts together, played them music, etc. That's not the kind of friend I thought Dean had in his life. It feels like too much of a retcon, in some ways, to introduce that idea now.

Also... this is a small thing, but it was hilarious to me how easy it was for Dean to break out of his bonds when Lee had him trapped. Come on, guys. The Winchesters are always getting in to trouble, and it's always dumb luck or mistakes from the bad guys that let them escape with their lives. Isn't Lee supposed to be a former hunter?

Sam got to lay around and be unconscious for a good chunk of this episode. I just want to point out that Cas has plot-convenient incompetence syndrome, and it annoys me sometimes. What I mean is that he comes in and messes things up when things need to get messed up. He's always well-meaning, but... Sam could have died. And Jack killed Mary because Cas made a mistake. Etc. etc. I'm not saying Dean was right during the now famous breakup scene. I'm just saying, Cas' level of competence and bad-assery shifts wildly depending on what the plot needs him to be doing. Sometimes it gets on my nerves.

I want to say it's bad-ass that Dean says "God bless Texas" as he pulls a gun out from under the bar. But honestly... can we not with that? Please?

Pros:

This episode makes me so very incredibly happy, though. Let's start with the Cas, Sam, and Eileen plot.

First of all, even though I wanted Sam and Eileen to kiss, even without that I'm still squealing with how cute and precious their relationship is. They nurse margarita hangovers together, Sam is picking up more sign language, they're doing research together, Eileen totally wants to hit that, and Sam is cute and nervous about it. I'm... so happy? What I think I loved most about their dynamic together is that it shows what a future between them could look like. Making a home together in the bunker, cheering each other up, giving each other breaks, defending each other and doing whatever they can to protect each other.

I'm in love with Sam learning more and more sign language, and the careful way he always makes sure that Eileen can see his lips when he's talking. Sure, I wish there was even more sign, but I can still tell they're putting in the effort, and I really appreciate it. I cannot tell you enough how cute it was to see the two of them making breakfast, Sam signing "margaritas," and Dean just staring at them with raised eyebrows like... oh so that's how it is.

The fact that Eileen was there for an Important Plot thing like Cas trying to discover the link between Sam and Chuck, and the fact that she was present for the last scene where Sam was explaining everything to Dean and Cas... that gives me high hopes. Even if she's not in too many more episodes, I think her presence will be felt. I am so here for it.

Despite Cas being something of an idiot and almost getting Sam killed, I freakin' love Cas being an angry, anxious bad-ass in the bulk of this episode. He shows up ready to re-join the fray, nearly gets Sam killed, then threatens a super dangerous dude and with Eileen's help, gets Sam back on his feet. Even though things almost broke really bad, we still got valuable information out of this, and we got to see Cas going to any length to protect Sam. Heck yes.

Before I turn to Dean's side of the episode, I want to touch on the few moments that he interacted with the Sam, Cas, and Eileen side of the plot. First of all, I love that he needed to get out of the bunker, to be away from the domestic bliss of Sam and Eileen. He's been in his head, feeling trapped and alone, and he's obviously still hurt over the way things went down between him and Cas. I like that he's restless, because it means that his ennui of the past few weeks has started to fade. I also like that he feels some measure of discomfort around Sam and Eileen, even if he's happy for his brother. Of course there's the Cas aspect of it, as Dean is behaving like someone going through a breakup. But I think even removing Cas from the scenario, it's weird for Dean to watch Sam being so... happy. He's not used to that and it certainly shifts the dynamic a bit. I hope that gets explored at least a little bit.

And then at the end, Dean rushes back into the bunker, having finally received Cas' message that Sam is in trouble. At first, he's all frantic worry, but the minute Cas tells him that Sam is okay, things immediately become awkward and strained between them. I love how Cas just tells Dean that Sam is fine, and then says "yeah," and storms away. And Dean is equal parts annoyed and hurt. The strain between them is real, and I'm excited to watch them play off of each other in this way until we finally get to some peace between them.

So we've got Dean Winchester going off on a solo hunt and then spending a night drinking and flirting with a woman and a man at a bar. And singing. And fighting. This was peak bi-Dean Winchester. I know it might not mean anything, but Dean singing that song while the colors of the bi pride flag light up the stage behind him... aw man. I was feeling some feelings.

Christian Kane does a great job with the character of Lee. He's just a bit too charming, so you know something's up... but you also get the sense that this is a guy who lost his way, that his greed and villainy now are not so different from the kinds of lines that Sam and Dean have crossed over the years. Sure, Lee is doing what he's doing for personal benefit like wealth and long life. Sam and Dean would never do that. But would Dean feed innocent people to a monster in order to save Sam's life? I mean... all signs point to yes. We've seen Sam drink demon blood, we've seen Dean torture people... these boys cross lines all the time.

And the fact that Lee is this jaded figure, someone who hunted when he was younger but doesn't see the point now, fits in so wonderfully with where Dean is at mentally right now. He literally has to fight with Lee, while re-emphasizing that even if the world is totally screwed, the response to that should be to try and fix it, not to run and hide and give up. "You fix it," he says, as he fights against the manifestation of his own internal apathy. "You don't walk away, you fight for it." Yes, Dean! Yes!

I mean, Dean and Lee spent this episode definitely 100% flirting with each other, and Lee looked at Dean like he actually loved him when Dean finally stabbed him. It was so... tender, that final moment where Dean stabbed his former friend and watched the light leave his eyes. My "Dean Winchester is Bi" alert was going haywire, but it was also more than that. We've seen Dean kill Benny, and now Lee - two people who he was close to, who were actual friends of his. The kinds of people who he would naturally gravitate to, unlike Sam and Cas, who he loves but who aren't always exactly on the same page as him socially. The fact that he has to make this sacrifice, to "kill a monster," is just so tragic, even as it puts Dean back on the right path when it comes to the larger fight against Chuck.

As a small side-note, line of the night goes to Lee: "You can't just sit around lip-syncing 'Eye of the Tiger' when no one's watching." I cackled. And the song was amazing. I'm so glad Jensen got to show off his singing chops here.

Another small note... great fight choreography and great bad-assery from Dean in this episode, what with the cool fight with Lee, and also the half-comedic, half-awesome image of Dean rolling the head of the monster out of the door. We didn't even get to see that fight - Dean is just that cool.

Timing-wise, I love that Dean fought this very symbolic fight right before Sam gets another piece of the puzzle that will lead to the defeat of Chuck. Dean's experience with Lee has put him in the right mindset to be ready to take on this fight, and now Sam has realized that Chuck is weak, and they might have a chance to end this once and for all.

Next week is the mid-season finale, I do believe. We get to see Adam, which is really exciting! My heart is breaking a little bit with how quickly this season is flying by. But I'm happy to report that all things considered, this final season of Supernatural isn't too shabby!

9/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn #spn 15x07

[simplyadorkable-blog1]

Season 6, Episode 14 - “The Hike”

Jess and Robby make an unexpected discovery about their relationship while on a hike; Winston plans a party for Aly; Schmidt and Cece fall short of impressing their new neighbors.

“The Hike” opens with Robby at the loft preparing for a hike with Jess, Schmidt continually comparing himself to Andie MacDowell as he eats pasta out of something Jess and Robby made in a clay class—seriously, what the hell is that compartment for?—and Winston announcing that Aly will finally be moving back to LA. Since the loft is falling apart, Cece and Schmidt offer to host a welcome home party at their house. Queue the short intro that makes me wish they would reshoot the original with the expanded cast.

“Hike, hike, baby,” Jess and Robby sing as they make their way to a fork in the trail. Of course they choose the road Jess-traveled because, “Uh, waterfall!” Every sentence that comes out of Robby’s mouth is pure gold. This is pure, unadulterated Robby, straight from the tap. I will not let that line go.

The rest of the gang are getting ready for the party at Cece and Schmidt’s house. In the dining room, Cece and Schmidt set their table and discuss how they are going to handle house rules. Cece suggests that they not have any because all of the cool houses growing up didn’t have rules. I’m going to take a wild guess that Jess’ house was not one of the cool houses. Then again, they grew up in Portland, right? I can’t imagine it being that cool. Chill out, Portlandians, I’m only judging your city based on Portlandia like the rest of America. Schmidt argues that he never went to the cool houses growing up because his only friend was his high school math teacher who ditched him for a guy with a Trans Am. That was probably for the best. Cece feels bad for young Schmidt and he ruins the moment by having an immediate collapse in orgasm.

Meanwhile Nick is helping Winston work out his nerves in another room. Winston is not having any luck. His hands are dripping and his mock greeting for Aly’s mom is a little too comfortable. “Hmm, hmm, not today, honey,” accompanied with double cheek kisses. My brother does the double cheek kiss sometimes and let me tell you it is not the move. His second attempt does not go much better with, “Hey, how are you? I’m Winston, it’s uh, pleasure to do it,” and finally tries, “You’d do well to be friends with me.” I think I’ll start using that last one. Nick encourages him to shake it out and offers to mill about and tell his stories, but not the one about the time he fell asleep in the tub because that’s not a story, even if he did wake up wet. Their second attempted handshake is just as bizarre as the first. Nick describes Winston’s hands as, “dripping wet and now they are piping hot.”

Aly’s sister, Leslie, is the first to show up and she brought the entire family with her. And I truly mean entire, there are so many of them. Did they all drive separately? How much street parking is available in Cece and Schmidt's neighborhood? I assume none now. The sudden influx of guests takes Schmidt by surprise and he starts freaking out, “We don’t have enough china! Or forks! Or prawns! You can’t ask someone to split a prawn.” Cece attempts to get him to chill out to no avail, “We’ll just come in tomorrow with a power washer and hose this whole friggin’ place down!” I haven’t laughed at someone saying friggin’ since middle school, but my Lord, Schmidt cracks me up every friggin’ time. Thankfully Aly arrives shortly after and Winston leads her inside, eyes covering her eyes, to reveal her entire family, not Furguson in a tuxedo. Lowkey upset we didn’t get to see that, that would have been so cute. Aly is of course pissed, not even Winston’s impression of her surprised face can cheer her up.

Back on the trail, Jess and Robby are lost. “Why did you let me chase a waterfall, you know what TLC says!” Jess yells at Robby. She is upset, lost, and hungry and doesn’t even have anything to eat because they both ate the peanuts and chocolate out of their trail mix and are left with the gross raisins. Jess, exhausted, wants to head back before it gets dark. When the pair turn to leave, Robby runs into a tree, knocks off his glasses, steps on them, kneels down to search for them, and knocks Jess over causing her to hurt her ankle, all in one swift move.

Aly tells Winston that her family drives her crazy. He reassures her that she has back up now, even though he let her down in that mix-double tournament. He asks her for what he needs to know to deal with her family so he can write it down in his phone. Too bad his touch ID keeps messing up which is all too real so I’m glad we are switched to Nick and his attempt to tell the bathtub story to one of Aly’s relatives. Cece and Schmidt are holed up in the kitchen, worried about the state of their house. It’s clear they are losing control since someone took a shower in the bathroom without soap or towels, and they are forced to boil up barley to feed their guests.

Nick’s storytelling quickly derails. “And I saw with my own eyes, one day Winston saved those kids from a burning building including a little boy. A little boy who’s dad left when he was young, named Wheelchair Timmy. Wheelchair Timmy was a heavy set boy, ginger, black eyes. He grabs the kid and the chair, lifts him up above his head so that the fire doesn’t burn this little heavyset boy. That’s the power of adrenalin.” A relative asks, “What happened to Timmy?” “Timmy, he’s dead.” “What?” Another guest questions. “He’s alive. I’m Timmy. Look at me now. Because of Winston, I’m telling you this story.” Nick crashes and burns before our very eyes. When the relative points out that he’s Nick, he immediately flees the situation. As Nick struggles, Aly and Leslie’s conversation turns into a full-out sibling argument complete with teasing and a mean robot impression. Aly notices that Winston saw their fight and runs off in embarrassment.

Unfortunately for Jess and Robby, it begins to thunder, spooking Robby. They quickly hobble to a nearby cave for shelter. Nothing good happens in a cave, I cannot emphasize that enough. Jess asks Robby if he thinks it’s not good how similar they are to which Robby responds, “I don’t know. My great uncle, Shep Wallingford, used to say if you buy the horse, you see in the mirror.” In a weird way this makes sense. Jess nods in agreement and tells Robby that she has Wallingford’s in her family as well, out near Boston. Robby’s Wallingford relatives are from Newburyport and known for making women’s watches. Though he doesn’t even need to tell Jess that part because she finishes that sentence for him and the pair sing the jingle, “Wallingford’s watches, cause the time is now, and the look is wow!” Jess puts together that they are related. I wasn’t completely blown away, but I think it’s hilarious that being related was the way the writers chose to break these two up. May as well go all in. They compare their families and figure out that they share an Uncle Tony—the one with long fingernails and always wears a whistle around his neck—making them third cousins. Robby pointing out that at least they’re not second cousins is so Karen making out with her cousin at Cady Heron’s Halloween party.

Fortunately Cece and Schmidt are not cousins, but unfortunately they have retreated to their garage to escape their out of control party. Before they can make their time worth their while, Winston interrupts them as he searches for Aly and asks if they’ve seen a kid in a wheelchair. “It was me,” Nick startles the trio, suddenly appearing in the car. Enter Aly with the line we’ve been thinking for six seasons, “Are you guys ever not together?” Schmidt simply answers, “Rarely,” in a put-off tone, but didn’t get just make the guys get a scrotum waxing? Anyways, Cece and Schmidt get into the car in the garage of their own home to give Winston and Aly a moment alone to talk. Aly explains that she’s embarrassed he saw that side of her and if he wants to run for the hill, she understands. She returns inside the house before he can respond. Meanwhile inside the car, Schmidt notices that the car’s running and asks Nick how long he’s been in there. In Nick’s defense, he was cold. But really, how long?

“Did you ever go to one of those big Wallingford family cookouts?” Jess continues to question Robby in the cave. “Just one, in ’92. I remember they had a really competitive three legged race. They paired me up with a little boy who had a helmet on, his skin was so translucent, it was like he was a jellyfish.” “Did he play an imaginary trombone?” She asks, knowing the answer. “Yeah, he kept saying, “it’s better to be safe than speedy.”” Robby’s impression is hands down one of the funniest parts of this episode. And of course that little boy was Jess. Yeah, Jess’ house was definitely not one of the cool ones. Jess wishes to be excluded from this, “I don’t want to die with my cousin-lover in a cave,” narrative and tells Robby she’s going to get on his back so they can get back to his car. She gives him her glasses since he still can’t see and of course they have the same prescription. Not to mention, their glasses are identical.

We near the dramatic conclusion back at Aly’s welcome home party. Aly apologizes to her sister and Winston gets on a table. He tells everyone how weird he is including the fact he has inside jokes with his cat, he is a member of the Puzzling Guild of North America, how he shaves his face cold and brushes his teeth hot, and how on one very late and very desperate night he used Furguson’s cat box as his own box, and of course that he once fell asleep in a bathtub. This draws raucous laughter from himself and Aly only. Nick mentions that maybe he needs to hear it again. Winston finishes his speech with, “So who cares if you’re crazy? I don’t care. I’m crazy too. Watch this. I’m going to put a carrot behind my ear like a bunny reporter and I’m gonna do this dance I’ve been working on for five years.” It’s at this time that Aly’s parents make themselves known. Thankfully they are appreciative of how much he loves their daughter and leave Winston and Aly to have a sweet kiss.

Their moment is interrupted by the police knocking at the door. Cece and Schmidt play dumb and Nick asks why they’re acting like they’re in a porno. The couple clearly did not take into account that Winston and Aly are police officers. They notice Winston and Aly right away and are invited to join the party causing Schmidt to take the law into his own hands. “Shoes off, coasters down!” He shouts to the room.

Robby drops off Jess at the party. He makes sure that they are definitely broken up and tries to give Jess her glasses back. She lets him keep them and says a final, “I’ll see you around.” Robby tries to get in one last awkward joke with, “Maybe at the next family reu—” Jess cuts him off with a “too soon” and heads inside. Schmidt answers the door to see a filthy Jessica Day. She tells them him and Cece that she and Robby broke up in a cave. Cece hugs her and goes to get her wine while Schmidt goes to get her paper towels. As they leave, Nick approaches her. Jess reminds us that she’s still starving and all she has is a bag of gross raisins. “Gross raisins? Are you kidding me? Raisins are the best. I love raisins.” There’s a Raisin joke here somewhere. “Of course you do.” Jess laughs. “Yeah, sometimes I just tuck ’em in my cheek, and I go about my day, so if I ever need the flavor of raisins, I already got it.” Jess can’t imagine what it’s like to need the flavor of raisins, but she gives him her bag and tells him to go nuts anyways. “Go raisins. You said, “Go nuts,” I said, “Go raisins.”” This moment is just too innocent and endearing. They are made for each other.

Originally Aired 1/24/2017

#New Girl #Season 6 Episode 14 #The Hike #Recap #Breakdown #Spoilers #Zooey Deschanel #Jake Johnson #Nelson Franklin #Hannah Simone #Max Greenfield #Lamorne Morris #Nasim Pedrad #Episodes #simplyadorkable

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 2: XOXO, Gossip Girl

With so many dumb girls milling around the Bachelor mansion, still drunk from the night before and starving for carbs and attention, I'm sure it's difficult to not make the first few episodes of the show feel over-produced. Jk. We're in Season 21 and Nick is our Bachelor: everything is over-produced. That being said, this week felt particularly cringe-worthy. We kick things off with our sleep-deprived divas trying to convince us that the only thing they've been able to think about since arriving 12 hours ago is Nick. Not their phones, their families, their jobs, the presidential election. Only NICK VIALL. Right.

Enter Chris Harrison, who reminds the women that they only way they're going to stand out with this many girls in the house is to be memorable slutty. This piece of unsolicited and sexist advice triggers Manchurian Candidate Corinne, and it's all downhill from here.

Something Old. Something New. Something Topless. Something Rude.

The first group date of the episode is ultimate Bachelor irony. Actually, it feels like a storyline cooked up by Quinn and Rachel on UnREAL. The girls gleefully drive three Buick convertibles down the street to a mansion usually used to shoot adult films. Once parked, they're made to jog into the backyard where they meet up with a heavily spray-tanned man named Franco who is almost definitely an actor and/or one of the producer's friends. There, the producers dangle the possibility of marriage in front of them while simultaneously cheapening the entire experience. What's more? They've all been drinking since they arrived, and have to watch each other pose and make out with Nick. This is Bachelor 101. An incredibly basic premise that is guaranteed to spawn all sorts of jealousy, desperation, and insecurity.

The pawn at the center of this whole *experiment* is none other than that girl you wished you hadn't started a conversation with at a party: Corinne. To absolutely no one's surprise, this bitch has never been a bridesmaid. But keep in mind she's 24 and probably only hangs out with older club promoters, so this warrants no more than an eyeroll. Photog Franco, who is probably shooting a porn after this group date, *coincidentally* makes Corinne a bikini bride, and like the Manchurian Candidate that she is, all she can talk about is how sexy she looks and how it makes sense that she would be the nearly naked bride. Enter Brittany (who?), who is actually topless and actually looks very pretty. Corinne is, of course, very uncomfortable because she was programmed to be the star.

And A STAR SHE WILL BE. Left with no other options, Corinne takes her top off and *forces* Nick to hold her boobs in front of the other girls. It's pretty obvious that they made Corinne go last so everyone would be drunk enough to get pissed, and it works. Adding insult to injury, Franco picks Corinne as the "winner" of the group date, because, as she puts it, she was actually daring enough to have clothes and then take them off. Later that night Corinne continues to "project her sexuality" on Nick, stealing him first and immediately going in for the make out. Hilariously, Nick says that he's been "really impressed with Corinne so far." Yeah, having absolutely no shame is truly impressive. And she continues to impress me by interrupting other girls not once, but twice after her original make out session.

Now naturally this pisses everyone off, but NO ONE says or DOES anything about it! Ladies, I hate to repeat Corinne's advice here, but like, fucking go interrupt her and take your time. You came here "for Nick" or at least to be on TV, so fucking take what is yours! But they won't, because they're all fucking idiots. This is underscored by the repeated in-camera interviews were girls like Taylor try to convince themselves that Corinne "isn't what Nick wants" and that Nick is "better than Corinne." Taylor: get a clue. Or a job. Or watch a single episode of Andi or Kaitlyn's season. Or just like, go to a bar in River North. Then maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't sit here thinking that a guy like Nick isn't going to go for a girl like Corinne. Because he is. And sure enough, he proves it by giving Corinne the group date rose.

In between flashes of Corinne we see Raven getting some quality time in with Nick, but is any time with Nick actually quality time? For example, Raven let's Nick know she was cheated on before, and Nick's response was to direct the conversation to him and talk about how he's been cheated on. Everything he says feels so disingenuous, but that's because he always finds a way to make things about himself. So if we're being real, him and Corinne are actually perfect for each other. But we're not being real, because this is reality TV. There was, however, a perfect moment of reality TV after Taylor re-interrupts Corinne and Corinne confronts her. Corinne is pissed because "that's not the way to go about things." The way to go about things is to be "classy" [take your top off] and not direct your disrespect "towards any one person" ... just the entire group. Taylor handles the confusing assault incredibly well. Then again, anyone with an IQ over 70 shouldn't have much difficulty defending themselves against a drunk clown. Corinne quickly forgets about Taylor, gushing with pride for herself for stepping out of her comfort zone "in many different times and angles."

Playa Say What?

The second half of the episode was dedicated to the history between Liz and Nick. I can't decide if Liz is this dumb, or just starving for Instagram fame. On the one hand, I can see how a producer could convince her that Nick would love to see her again, they already have an established connection, and she'll probably go far. On the other hand, she seems pretty dumb. Sitting around the mansion all day with nothing to do but drink, tan, and get in her own head, Liz confides in Gretchen Wieners that she is Jade's best friend, didn't memorize her maid of honor speech at the wedding, and also slept with Nick. She emphasizes how wasted she was when it happened, and also how awkward it was. "Like, super awkward."

She mentions intermittent sex and talking, which is something we've heard before. This all but confirms my suspicion that Nick is actually terrible in bed. That's why it didn't work out with Andi. And sure, he fucked Kaitlyn and still made it to the final two, but that sneaky fuck sesh probably didn't give him tons of time to talk while inside of her.

The Nice Girl 

It's pretty easy to forget that Nick went on a 1-on-1 date this episode, but there's a reason for that. Danielle M. doesn't make good TV because she's not terrible like the rest of the girls. She seems like a very sweet girl and has a real job. Does she pack a lot of personality? No. But not everyone can be Alexis or Corinne or the Genie from Aladdin. There can't be complex hoes without basic bitches, and Danielle M. is that nice basic bitch. She'll stick around awhile because she's probably one of the only "real" women who, despite being pretty bland, is one of the only realistic choices in terms of actual marriage and not just Hollywood Instagram-fame. This is probably why she gets the first 1-on-1 date. She's got the hometown Wisconsin vibe and they need to get her tragedy out and on camera because she's going to fade to the back for the next 7 weeks before ultimately getting cut. During dinner, Nick goes on and on about himself and being on the Bachelorette twice and heartbreak, and Danielle M. just keeps nodding, looking bored. This whole Bachelorette story sounds like Hillary repeatedly listing her years of accomplishments during the debates while contrasting Donald's years of housing discrimination and golden showers. We get it. You get it. You're here. We're listening. Can we please talk about something else? Anything.

We Need to Talk . . .

The theme of this date -- breakups -- is comically opposite to the first in every way. The first stop is the "Museum of Broken Relationships,"  which cannot possibly be a thing that existed prior to the filming of this episode. This "museum" houses an uncomfortable amount of random shit that people have "left behind" from their broken relationships. Umm, what? Left behind from where? No one can convince me that people come to museums to break up, or that they send objects from their failed relationships to be put on display for other weirdoes to look at. First of all, where are all the dildos? Second, USPS is incredibly unreliable. Sure enough, at least one loser has donated to this museum: Nick. After a rehearsed speech about himself and how Andi and Kaitlyn led him to be the Bachelor, the women are given the task of preparing breakup monologues for Nick. Everything is funny and light-hearted, especially when loose cannon Josephine smacks Nick across the face. Until, that is, it's Liz's turn. Upset and insecure, she pulls out a NOTEPAD to start her breakup. Immediately, Nick diverts his eyes like the pussy that he is.

But he knows what's coming. And it's AWFUL. More cringe worthy than Corinne's nipples, Liz goes on and on--in detail--about meeting him in a hallway, at a wedding, and essentially blames him for not chasing after her, even though she wasn't ready to let him in. Or at least, in farther than just the tip. The audience is silent and all of the girls but Gretchen Wieners look confused. Gretchen tries to play it cool and pretend that she has no idea what's going on,

but it's not very convincing. Liz's breakup is followed by more awkward silence and her finally saying "okay we can be done." Thank fucking god. For some reason, after this, NOT A SINGLE GIRL asks what the fuck that was all about. They mention it was detailed and weird and awkward, but don't say anything to Liz or Nick. Literally no girl, after hearing the hallway comment, and the wedding comment, was like -- umm, I have a few follow up questions? Nick spends the rest of the date stressing out about Liz, but it's pretty easy to see through his feigned concern for the other women. In a voiceover he tries to sell that he's concerned because he doesn't want the girls to think he's been lying to them (which he has), but in reality, he's concerned about what she actually said and how much of "her side" has been leaked. So while Jaimi reveals she's dated girls, and Kristina talks about growing up in a country that may or may not be controlling the United States, all Nick can think about is who knows what. It's smarmy and pathetic and incredible on brand. Finally, Gretchen Wieners spills the beans to him and he's able to tell his side of the story. At this point, he knows he has to get rid of Liz before she tells more people about how terrible he is in bed, so pulls her away for 1-on-1 time. They're gone for a long time which eventually leads the girls to wonder what's going on between them after her awkward-ass breakup speech. Gretchen Wieners refuses to rat Liz out,

but making it pretty clear there's something going on. And sure enough, it is. Nick confronts Liz with the whole "right reasons" question, and Liz's answer is just awful. She didn't ask for his number because she didn't know him. But then didn't want to ask for it and give him the wrong impression because she knew he was in Paradise. And even though he was only in Paradise for a month, she knew he had "other things" going on and just wasn't the type of person who liked to talk on the phone. We don't need Nick to point out to us that the more she talks, the less sense she makes, but it's the nail in her coffin. Finally Nick tells Liz that, while he admires her lack of shame courage for coming on this show and putting herself and her sexual history out there, she's milked this situation for all it's worth and it's time to go.

Now that he's gotten rid of Liz, he has to do the hardest thing of all: tell the women. Come clean. Be honest. Of course this is going to be difficult, because being a decent person isn't easy. Especially for a selfish little bitch like Nick. Before dropping the bomb he expresses concern that it's not the right time. But when is it ever a good time to tell your 26 girlfriends that you slept with one of them already? That you've been lying to them since Day 1? That you actually have no dick? I guess we'll find out next week. You know you love me.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl.

Corinne's Corner

There were too many good quotes to incorporate or ignore coming from this girl's articitially plumped up mouth, so here are my favorites:

I just want to be with him. Be with him. And hopefully, I will."

"I was daring enough to have clothes, and take them off."

"Brittany is half naked, and that should be me."

"Like he held my boobs, okay. No one has ever held my boobs like that. Or ever will."

"I really like Nick. When I was talking to him, he was listening."

"Today was just a dream come true. I stepped out of my comfort zone in many different times and angles. Dad would be so proud. Even though I was naked. HE would be proud."

"As long as there's no situation about the situation, we're okay."

"I just put myself out there and I just was myself. That's it. That's all I did, guys. Literally. I was just Corinne."  Yeah, we saw...

Did you notice ...

"I'm ready for the women to see me as me, instead of the guy they've seen on TV."  - Nick....but wait...

Alexis looks like Jade. But she's much cooler. From dolphin/shark to pregnant wife. She's definitely my favorite. Especially when she was resting her drink on her fake pregnant belly.

The girls on the first group date want to give Brittany the benefit of the doubt. They’re jealous of her, but they don’t mind because she didn’t choose to be topless. She was born that way.

The girls complained about being a bridesmaids, but Liz could have told them that's not a bad thing when it comes to Nick.

Did you notice that Liz's big reveal to Gretchen Wieners actually happened over three different scenes? I'm guessing this is because Liz wasn't giving enough detail the first two times and the producers really wanted to get the whole sex thing out there.

On the boat during their 1-on-1 date, Nick makes Danielle M. face the sun after snagging some cheese and then the better spot. SMH.

After hearing they were going to act out breakup scenes, Nick turns to Josephine and says "I'm most worried about you" as she says "violence."

Minority Report: No rose ceremony this week so nothing to report. But noticeably we didn't really see any of our chocolate ladies this week. That's probably a good thing since we were so focused on crazy white girls, but still, can we get more camera time for the lesbian with the nose ring? 

#thebachelor #bachelor recap #bachelorabc #nick viall #chris harrison #the final rose #fantasysuiteleague

[recurring-polynya]

I think it’s pretty evident by now that I am something of a connoisseur of Bleach filler. Like greatness, this is not a thing I have chosen for myself, it is just a thing that has been thrust upon me. And to that end, I need you to know that Bleach #147-149 is the template on which all other filler should be built. I love it. It’s perfect.

I’ve chosen to group it in with the Advance Team Filler, even though it really takes place during the early Hueco Mundo arc. There’s more HM filler much, much later, but it’s after the Cap’n Amagai filler arc, and I feel like this fits more thematically with the Advance Team filler. Also, all the other members of the Advance Team got their own episode and these are Rukia’s.

These episodes are everything I wanted #136-137 to be. One thing that I always want in filler is shitty bad guys who are way below our heroes’ usual standard. I get enough of Ichigo training and tapping into his inner strength during the canon parts. When I’m watching filler, I only want to see him whale on some throwaway villains. The Fullbringer Arc is not actually filler, but it has Big Filler Energy, and Zaraki killing that butler dude in half a second is the most gratifying part of it. 

So, let’s jump in:

We’re in Hueco Mundo, Rukia and Renji have just showed up in their sweet capes, everyone is riding around on Bawabawa. Runuganga, the huge sand dude they defeated last episode, shows up again (he’s made of sand, so he can never die, I guess?) Rukia tries to Second Dance him, but she’s standing on Bawabawa during the part of the attack where the blades go down into the ground, they go into poor Bawabawa instead and he freaks out (and then Renji scolds her, it’s beautiful). Runuganga then makes a sand whirlpool and the process of falling into it, Rukia falls off Bawabawa and gets separated from everyone else as they fall down into the ::Forest::of::the::Menos:: (end reverb)

Everyone in this filler is extremely stupid, but it’s okay, because it doesn’t matter, in fact, it is charming and hilarious. There’s some physical comedy of the Great Desert Brothers falling on Ichigo’s head, Ishida holds forth on Hueco Mundo flora, and literally like 10 minutes pass before Renji notices Rukia is gone and everyone’s like “Whaaaaaa? Rukia, whaaaaat?” They go looking for her, and once again, I cannot emphasize enough that Ichigo and Renji are just Jason-from-the-Good-Place level morons in this episode. Ichigo theorizes that perhaps Rukia is so light that she has been blown away and Renji is all aboard his idiot train.

So, where is Rukia, anyway? She lands somewhere else and immediately gets attacked by Hollows. She’s not really having any trouble holding them off when this dude in a stinky cape covered in Hollow skulls shows up and “saves” her. It’s like this guy saw Renji’s bankai capelet, and said, “this, but cocktail length with extra skulls.” He takes Rukia back to his bachelor cave, where he has cubbies full of mushrooms and a sweet kidou lamp he made himself. Rukia realizes he is a shinigami and yells “WHAT’S YOUR SQUAD?” at him a bunch. He takes off his mask to reveal that he is in fact, dreamy. His name is Ashido and he is Extremely Rukia’s Type, by which I mean he is tall, has spikey hair, and is not very bright.

We get a flashback of Ashido’s sad origin story: he and a bunch of his squad members followed some Hollows back through a Garganta and got stuck in Hueco Mundo. He figures that he can do more good exterminating Hollows where they live rather than trying to get home, so they stay there and fight Hollows until all his friends are dead. Oops. The very sexy Hollow Zorak skull he wears as a mask was in fact, the head of the Hollow who killed his last friend. He uses Hollow skulls to deflect ceros which seems… useful? And sort of made up? As he’s telling this story, the camera pans out and there are a bunch of graves? And he’s like, “I wanted to tell you this story in front of my friends so they could hear the voice of a shinigami again.” Rukia, of course, is like “Ahhhh cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt, no doubt” as if she doesn’t also have a hill of friend graves that she likes to pose in front of. He asks Rukia if they have noticed a decrease in Hollows in the Living World due to his efforts and Rukia refuses to answer or to make eye contact. He then observes that some weird crap has been going on lately, did something happen in Soul Society? and Rukia is like “So many things happen in Soul Society, it’s basically unknowable.” Rukia is my queen and president, I love her.

Asido then observes that some morons with too much reiatsu seems to be fighting nearby and attracting every Hollow in the vicinity. Rukia is like, yeah, they’re mine. As they head off in that direction, they get attacked by Hollows and Ashido relives his entire flashback again, but in negative colors. Baller move, Filler Episode.

Some other stuff has happened-- Chad and Ishida rode Bawabawa up a tree? Nel and her Fraccion got kidnapped by the Hollows whom Aizen has allegedly put in charge of the Forest of Menos? I feel like Aizen just said that to get rid of them, these guys are more like some over-enthusiastic Steelers fans you accidentally sat next to at the bar than actual villains. All this is slightly boring, except for two things:

1. Everyone has started treating Bawabawa like Lassie, where he goes “BAWABAWAWAWABAWA” and someone will reply to him like he’s a person, “Nel has been kidnapped? She’s stuck in the old abandoned well?” I love Bawabawa so much, I love yelling “BAWABAWA”, and I never once got sick of this gag, not even for a second.

2. As you might expect, the Forest of Menos is full of Menos. Hundreds of Menos. Pantsloads of Menos. You may remember a million episodes ago, when Ichigo still had Rukia’s powers, and he had to tie his sword to Ishida’s head in order to defeat a Menos. Those days are over. Menos are bowling pins now. Ichigo and the gang are just annihilating Menos. Menos corpses everywhere. Chad punches a Menos in the foot and it dies. I’m pretty sure Renji deflects a cero with his bare arm and then kills like 30 Menos who are standing in a line, which makes them very convenient to run over with Hihiou Zabimaru. Ashido has been down here for *hundreds of years* trying to reduce the number of Hollows, and it’s clear that the Karakura Kids + Renji could clear this place out in an afternoon and still have the energy to go Cosmic Bowling afterwards.

Meanwhile, Rukia and Ashido run into Ashido’s old nemesis, the Boss Hollow of the Forest. Ashido fights him dramatically for a while, and then he makes a bad deflection and the guy is about to hit Rukia, “RUUUUUKIIAAAAA NOOOOOOO!”, mantis skull flashback *again.*  And here is where this episode becomes next level, because Rukia goes to shikai and just goes ham on the guy, and you realize that she has been slumming this entire time. Ashido is a joke. He doesn’t even have shikai. Rukia is so much better than him and the only explanation for this is that she’s been letting him look cool because she wants to tap that. Ashido just accepts this, and I assume this is the point where they have mediocre Hueco Mundo sex.

We go back to the boys, who have defeated all the Hollows they could find and found the exit, and are fretting because they still don’t know where Rukia is. Then Rukia just walks up, “Hey guys, what’s going on in this thread?” They all start to leave when one of the Hollows from earlier comes back (you had ONE JOB, Ichigo, everyone else killed their Hollow) with 50 Menos. Keep in mind, based on earlier events, this would take Ishida like 6 seconds to take care of, but Ashido has to dramatically face them himself. There’s a hilarious bit where he turns back to fight the Hollow and Ichigo and Renji run right past him. He can’t even run fast. He’s terrible. Anyway, some rocks start falling and Ichigo and Renji get entranced by them (shiny!) and Ashido jumps past the rockslide to fight the Hollows and is therefore trapped and they have to leave him behind.

Back on the surface, Rukia takes a knee and makes a dramatic speech while Ichigo and Renji stand behind her like good wingmen and press F in chat. It ends with this:

I cannot see this without thinking about that part in Shrek 2 where Shrek says “I promise I shall repay you, unless I can’t find you, or I forget!” Especially because Rukia 100% forgets that Ashido exists and we never see him again.

Advance Team Filler Masterpost

#bleach filler #rukia kuchiki #ashido #hueco mundo #menos #six hearts beat as one #morons #these utter buffoons #BAWABAWA #rukia is perfect #i bet orihime is sad she missed this