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#but we Will get better!
awhimproned · 5 months
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new niche just dropped
edit: there’s a pattern of something something wanting to protect their partners from what they know to be horrible
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andhumanslovedstories · 3 months
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qiinamii · 6 months
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we'll do fine.
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aroaceofthesea · 4 months
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stuckinapril · 2 months
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Honestly the cliche advice is true. If you fill your life w things you’re passionate about, if you challenge yourself every day, if you give your own opinion of yourself more weight than you do other people’s opinions of you, you will actually thrive. Like no one can tell u anything
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andthebeanstalk · 10 months
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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astearisms · 7 months
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part of a sadness
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hitwiththetmnt · 3 months
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Master Leonardo has some tricks to show Casey for his first Christmas
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carnivalcarrion · 10 months
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world's longest staring contest GO-
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bourneblack · 2 years
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i’d rather have rainbow capitalism then living in constant fear of discovery. the woman in the pride flag disney t-shirt might be missing the nuance, but at least i know i can be myself. a street full of rainbow flags makes me more comfortable holding a mans hand. look. corporations aren’t your friend. they will sell to whoever will buy. but kids seeing gay everything every year is only ever a good thing, and a massive improvement in history
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vivenecii · 2 months
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This (and previous) good omens study club theme, tartan and a movie still. I decided to choose one from Little Women, which I have yet to watch.
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striving-artist · 8 months
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Tumblr skews young, so let me just share this.
The worst thing you can do in a job is not be bad at something. It's to say you are great at something while being bad at something. If you need to improve and you're upfront that you're not the best, people will probably help or teach or explain. They will sympathize when you get put on a task you're not qualified for.
If you claim to be awesome at something when you demonstrably suck at it, all of that good will and sympathy is gone and it will not come back.
Confident is good. Stand up for yourself, know your skills.
But the other side of this is to Know your Faults.
This message brought to you by the 23yo who bragged about how he was great at X and had the best program for it, and I spent the weekend doing his job for him because he is so so bad at it, and only about 5% of what he did is salvageable.
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ravelqueen · 7 months
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David and Michael's physicality as Crowley and Aziraphale is truly something to behold bc there is not a single shot Crowley isn't lounging or sauntering or creeping or loitering or sprawling everywhere meanwhile Aziraphale seems a lot more contained but it always seems like there is a hundred bees worth of emotional energy right under his skin waiting to burst out and it's actually marvelous really they are so well cast
(Also the fact that both of them look like this 😍😍😍 when the other one is the most them is just a bonus)
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tam--lin · 1 year
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The thing is, you don’t have to have a diagnoses to make simple “unmasking” changes that make your life easier. You don’t even have to self-diagnose! You are not appropriating anyone’s culture or struggles or hijacking anyone’s movement by allowing yourself to sway in line at the grocery store or buying a weighted blanket or using study or household hacks intended for people with ADHD. If you start favoring the needs that make your brain and body unique over the arbitrary norms of society, you’ll be better off, and you’ll be expanding the norms. It’s a win/win.
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AH<3 your Withered Bonnie is so amazing I love him !!<3
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It’s funny how I drew Withered before vs the newest comic,,
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dex1o · 1 month
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the third semester of p5r is wild if you think about it from sumire's perspective, and that's without even getting into the whole sumire/kasumi thing.
imagine you wake up one day and the entire world's a little bit fucked up for some reason. you see a building flickering in and out of existence (the same one where you awoke to some crazy JJBA stand powers, except last time it wasn't visable from the outside). so you call your friend/crush (??) because he knows more about this shit than you do, and he shows up with the idol and ace detective, trademarked 'pleasant-boy' goro akechi?? for some reason??? but hey, if he knows about the metaverse then that's good enough for you. he's a nice enough guy anyway but then you get INTO the metaverse, and his outfit is the edgiest thing you've ever seen, and the moment you get into a fight he's releasing what looks like years of pent up rage by screaming and laughing maniacally while absolutely tearing through shadows. and hes flirting (?) with your friend/crush (??) the whole time
but while he's literally calling your friend/crush (?) a loser and an idiot straight to his face, the meanest thing he calls you is a scardy-cat. he never refers to you by your first name and always uses the honorific '-san,' even while he's yelling. he commentates on every one of your kills like a deranged and zealous sports commentator. you think he respects you (???) youre not sure
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