#but then i realize that the therapist would literally just be like '

[craycraybluejay]

I feel rly weird around ppl w "maps dni" bc it just rubs me the wrong way that ppl equate others w those feelings to having committed an actual crime or done something otherwise bad for existing. It's like "bpd dni" or "intrusive thought havers dni" its all just thoughts i block people who make me uncomfortable thats it.

like its not my business what ppl r thinking yk. idc. also ive seen interviews n maps genuinely dont care/want to "invade the queer community" they know its a different thing ok. the fight to treat people like people is universal but the fight to do so for people whose thoughts you detest is closer to advocacy for unpalatable mental illness and general freedom to exist with badwrong thoughts than it is advocacy to be in a relationship with someone who can actually consent to you regardless of gender. Like. they know. everyone knows and if u think that would ever be a thing,, it wouldn't. the same way that groups for abortion rights are not the same groups you go to for idk trauma support.

obv sometimes its better not to post certain things even if its harmless text ppl will dogpile u and accuse u of things bc someone got triggered. but sue me if i dont think its a crime for ppl w badwrong attractions to exist and i think its weird that others think it is.

like im a sadist i know how this shit goes intimately. "killing and torturing people is bad." "yes." "you're a bad person and deserve to be hurt for it." "but i didn't kill or torture anyone and don't really plan on it?" "you're evil for even thinking or feeling it. you still deserve to be punished." "but i didn't DO.. ANYTHING??" "weirdo murder fetishizer is triggered lol xd get hit by a truck" "..." "ur disgusting and evil and you should kys for having badwrong thoughts." "but i'm not doing anything wrong." "idc ur a gross evil monster" "i have a feeling this isnt getting anywhere. bye."

^it's like y'all reach argument bedrock the moment someone drops the idea that you CAN HAVE "badwrong" thoughts and feelings that would be unethical to act on irl without acting on them or being a bad person by the simple sin of thinking them. this is puritan nonsense. all of you have thought "sinful" thoughts. all of you have wanted to do things that would be cruel or dangerous; because if you have a brain that just Happens, whatever the nature of the thought. If you want to yell at your kid that's fine, they're annoying you and you have every right to feel that way. If you actually yell at your kid you are hurting them and that's not OK. You want to go harass someone online because they said something stupid? Fine. You actually go and do that? Bad. how hard is this to understand. am i speaking alien.

also if u punch people and go to therapy for it you are not going with the goal of stopping this desire to punch people. you are going with the goal of finding ways to vent this feeling that dont hurt anyone and figuring out the root cause of it with your therapist to better understand how you can work together to prevent this from happening.

#pro para #thought crime #badwrong thoughts #thoughts are not actions #idk if u think someone can be evil or a criminal for having thoughts n feelings #how long before u turn on me and say the same thing for different thoughts n feelings #i dont trust people like that i dont like that #have u ever wondered why verbal/physical/sexual abuse are all real terms but thought abuse isn't #its because thoughts cannot abuse you #that's because thoughts exist outside reality and thinking something does not make it happen #it would be cool if people had telekenesis but i digress people DONT #i wonder what ppl expect when they say go to therapy for ppl theyve convicted in the court of fools as thoughtcrimers #like conversion therapy or? #because a good therapist if u come to them w thoughts ur guilty ab will ask you first 'who is this hurting' #and if the answer is no one or 'just me' the solution is to work on the guilt complex and understand that ur thoughts arent actions #literally the solution is to realize this basic thing #a therapist cannot and should not try to make you 'normal' #thats not what therapy is for #therapists want to make a plan with you as to how to deal with your thoughts and feelings in ways that work best for you without hurting you #or anyone else #you dont fight depression by trying to convince someone theyre wrong and their life isnt bad enough to end it #you fight depression by giving someone the tools and a plan to protect themselves from the thoughts and feelings that distress them #and by helping them accept themselves and fix anything in life thats bothering them #but you don't deal with trauma by telling someone they shouldnt feel like that and you dont deal w anything else like that either #idk point is #u dont go to therapy to be fixed u go to therapy to find out how to live a happier and healthier life #any therapist who claims they can fix whatever you think is wrong with you you should run far far away from #the point of therapy for people w paraphilias is to figure out how to cope and minimize any risk to the person or anyone around them #if its affecting day to day life

[pepprs]

feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair

#purrs #delete later #basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize #evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of #it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like.. #feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being #quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and #wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke. #i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be #this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about #myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what #happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome #this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music + #realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal #anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️ #at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is #just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳 #this is a ​really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[pegglefan69]

feeling at peace with decision that I should Probably Find a New Therapist Soon, or at least Stop Seeing This One. Also smiling tranquilly + looking forward to finally transcribing & posting a really hot passage from an essay in this leathersex book I'm reading... probably tomorrow depending on my energy levels. Maybe I don't need therapy right now maybe what I need is to talk about Weird Gay Things with Weird Gay People

#whether or not current therapist would judge me for the Mildest of Weird Gay Stuff is not the hugest problem #the actual problem is that upon reflection i dont think she actually Listens To Me #or even Remembers when i am telling her avout foundational traumas or like. basic facts about myself. #i didnt realize how insane it was that she wrote down somewhere that i was a lesbian when i was 8 #(in reality: interpreted as a masculine little girl & 'therefore a lesbian' when i was SIX. & treated with open hatred by adults) #until i mentioned it to max tonite...like that is a fundamentally HUGE misunderstanding #when i've told her multiple times that i've always been & always understood myself as a gay boy. Literal my first conception of my gender #also that sugar daddy comment she made was really inappropriate in several ways ..??! #Anyway. #if it was just a cultural mismatch as different kinds of queer people with wildly different childhoods we could Maybe make it work- #-If She Listened To Me #& i don't think she does. #so that's that i guess #dial p for post

[bowofbalance]

It's definitely a warning sign when you start to catch yourself repeating patterns of behavior that you only learned as a way to survive in a deeply deeply bad situation with people you definitely can't avoid

#what is it with me and ending up in situations where i'm not allowed to say no #or situations where i can't make any decisions for myself #this is the third time #albeit not the most serious of the three #it definitely ranks second in terms of consequences #like i even talked to my therapist about it! #she's going to be so disappointed in me and the fact that my notebook will be full of failures #haven't stood up for myself at all at any point #at least she knows i'm a coward (“anxiety”) so we're okay #still how do i keep finding myself in these situations? #the pattern of behavior obviously being never say no because you're not allowed to #but try to get around it by still doing what's best for you secretly and with some lying #i realize it's unhealthy and bad and no one likes being lied to #but can we stop putting me in these situations please #literally ignore me #this is why i discourage being my friend as well #and also why dating would be SUCH A BAD MOVE #i'm trying to work on this behavior but man just stay away from me and don't keep throwing these situations at me

[the-acid-pear]

For the character fandom ask game.

What is the Character you relate to the most?

God, in general? That's a good question. I think that honestly changes a lot depending on which era of my life I'm facing. But I'll go fetch my old carrd because there's a little secret there that might answer your question...

#luly talks #i take no responsibility for anything written on it tho. i dont know what i meant by that either. #but honestly disappointing this is so old i didnt get to include Patty B. on it he was the most literally me guy for like a month or so #until my therapist realized i might be autistic and i calmed down #just for rhe record if that list had been made recently Spamton would be there too mhm #harry dubois probably too. I'm not an addict tho just very mentally ill. #deranged answers from a deranged individual 💀 #asks #trg-deltarune-quotes

[halinski]

.

#my problem is this: when i am in a considerable amount of time i just #tell myself im not #and my brain goes: okay #and sometimes that means that i started dissociating #and sometimes it gets to a point where I literally am not as aware of my body as i should be #and i'm like yeah yhe pain is literally fine #i just slammed my head while skittering through the house bc i didn't realize the wall was there #and yeah #i cant tell how bad the pain really is tho #bc my varying degrees of dissociation really just block a lot of sensation #and i cant explain that to the doctors without them thinking im deranged #and like im already on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic #and i fled from my last therapist once again #and my psychiatrist is happy as long as i can keep my job and say im fine #and the obgyns all just are like take the damn hormones and dont wanna do more tests #this is just a rant ignore me #its 2am i gotta get up and go to work in 3 hours bc staying home doing nothing would be even worse #bc it means no distraction #and its bad bad bad for my head #and i cant #ignore me #the sleep aid effect of the meds hasnt been very effective the past 2 months :( #also i am in pain from cramps

[transgaysex]

my emotions are all over the place

#wind howls #i feel like i am in a state of a mild anxiety attack. #perhaps i am anxious. huh. #atsv left me feeling weird which isnt a bad thing and i know that Specifically will pass. it happened with totk as well #but the travel to the movie and back were not great #so now im not feeling great. my body hurts and i feel vaguely sick. #i think a big part of it is me just. ranting to my boyfriend abt those events and my sibling listening in on me and texting me abt it #i think. that really really bothered me. my own privacy is very important to me. and i hate when it feels like thats taken from me #next time ill just text from the get go i guess. but also im just upset still. #i dont know how my sibling expects me to take their side in an 'argument' when the other side is my 11 year old baby sister. #and its not even an argument. its my baby sister just being a child and my sibling taking offense to her being a kid. #and like. its not even a case of me liking one of my siblings more than another. this is a case of 'youre being needlesly cruel to a kid.' #and somehow they havent realized by now that a kids wellbeing will always be more important to me than literally anything else. #especially when the kid is my own baby sister. #i dont like getting into arguments with my sibling because theyre strong and confrontational but also theyre just 18. almost 19. #theyre an adult ! but they still have all their teenage immaturity and fragility. #which obviously they refuse to acknowledge. because of the aforementioned immaturity and fragility. #genuinely if i had to pick anyone in my family that should talk to a therapist first. it would easily be my sibling. #i hope they get better soon for their own sake because i love them but my patience is running thin.

[bpdamandayoung]

y'know what i literally thought i was a corpse but still living and i was recommended by a lovely doctor of psychology to go to a hospital to get the treatment i need but i fucking didn't bc i though a degree in environmental protection is more important than my health - i'm literally repeating the pattern i suffered so much for

#when my therapist told me i'm repeating that pattern i would spontaneously combust #but literally my whole childhood i was told 'if you don't have a fever you have got to school' and i still fucking did it in uni?? #like i felt my organs decay i could smell my flesh rotting and i still though meteorology was more important? bitcg what is wrong with you #and then i told my brother about us fucking doing the same thing our parents told us he just said 'fuck i didn't realize that bc it costed #me less than it costed you' #biting and howling AND maiming #depression and stuff #anyways i've been drinking feel free to ignore me if my posts don't make sense #i'll probably delete this in the morning

[transmascnepetaleijon]

something my social media break showed to me was how much time i actually spend just mindlessly scrolling tumblr, so now im actually in the journey to minimize that

#like its one thing to spend 4 hours playing videogames or reading or writing or just laying around but its an other thing to spend 4 hours- #- literally just. starring at my screen. pressing buttons. reading shit ill forget about in 2-3 minutes. #it made me realize im kiind of wasting time on here #im not gonna completely cut away all social media in my life no thats kind of stupid #but also maybe i should modify how i interact with it idk. my style of blogging is pretty cool i think i just come here and Say Things #and i enjoy it but like... man i dunno its getting on my nerves cus i want to do other things im restless #its probably help me with y mental shit too if i got more out there instead of being cooped up into my internet sphere #*maybe* the optimal decision would be to i dunno really put into perspective that this is INTERNET stuff and that i should prioritize - #NON INTERNET stuff. like sure i post everyday i reblog and i interact and shit but my main sphere*shiuld not* be in here #thats really hard tho. i dont feel connected with who i am irl cus uuuhhhh closeted trans teen #and hearing people refer to me as a girl with girl name and girl actions and girl everything is. it really sucks. #sure being a gnc bi girl is a pretty cool thing i dont really feel awful about it #it just puts this barrier between how i see myself and how others see me which granted will always exist but the distance between the two #is so big that it straight up feels like im roleplaying someone else sometimes #i should not this down for when i get another therapist i think thisd be a very interesting thing to talk about fr #**note #ah i dunno. many struggles going on in my life and none of them end up being in focus so it all feels like a web of discomfort #im done talking about this now peace #txt

[qlala]

For the collective playlist: getaway car by Taylor swift

I remember you once saying that you think that coldflash would constantly break up and get back together towards the start because they’re both terrible at emotions and commitments, so I think this song may work as a ‘len running away from the relationship by joining the waverider’ situation.

Lyrics include “There were sirens in the beat of your heart/ should’ve known I’d be the first to leave/ think about the place where you first met me” but mainly I’m thinking of “I was dying in a getaway car/ said goodbye in a getaway car”….because of obvious reasons

noooo how dare you make me sad with that last part :((( but yes i DO love a messy early years of their relationship where they’re both constantly self-sabotaging and splitting up and getting back together until their friends are like jesus god go to therapy and put us all out of our misery

#literally jane austin voice ‘maybe if i loved you less i could talk about it more’ #barry is like well crucially everyone i love dies or leaves or both. so just go ahead and do that because you will eventually #and len is like you’re going to realize this is a mistake eventually and leave so i need to ruin this myself to have control over the pain #and their friends are like have you considered that neither of you actually wants to leave. and you could just trust that. #and they’re like no #len: sometimes when i think of barry getting killed in a senseless act of violence by a stranger it feels bad. like a weird bad feeling #lisa: yeah we used to do that to people. it’s called guilt #len: don’t like that. will it go away if i break up with him. one way to find out #lisa and iris have to lock them in a room with a couples therapist and an NDA #if len tried joining the waverider mick would carry him back off the ship by the scruff of his neck like a misbehaving kitten #(​sorry for answering this sooo late i’ve been catching up on asks!!)

[sir-snow]

I don't believe in therapy.

Let's just read Neitzsche and do kinky stuff together.

That'll be healthy, right?

#my thoughts on therapy are much more complex than that #I just know that 90% of people in every occupation just plain shouldn't be there #And I really don't feel like window shopping through a bunch of peusdo intellectuals #When all I'm trying to do is better comprehend my reality and my role in it #And the major-majority of therapists #That I've had personal or professional interactions with #Either just plain don't care #Are giving you that look like #“Oh god is this going to be the person that beats me to death with my own clip-board” #Or are just waiting for you to say something incriminating so they can involve the police #There was one older lady in particular I talked too #Not even realizing she was a therapist until she started asking me a bunch of personal questions #And the subject of careers got brought up #And this gal was genuinely shell-shocked when I gave minor details about one of my verbally abusive father figures #It was as if she'd only heard about cases like that in books or on TV #And my reaction to her newfound curiosity was sort of blasé #Like yeah #Have you literally never interacted with a lower to middle class drunk or any of their kids before? #Granted I only said 90% earlier #Because there's one dude in particular I wouldn't mind buying a beer for #Now that I think about it #There's also a nurse I wish I could apologize too #Even if she was being holier than thou with her Bible pushing #But some people don't seem to realise that bastards are naturally predispositioned to being atheists #I just can't seem to fathom why a boy who grew up without his biological father #Doesn't like to hear about a guy who's father created him just so he can die for the sins of others #And that it would make much more sense for her to put her efforts into preventing some other kid's life from being more fucked up #Than it already is #Rather than trying to unravel the issues of a young man whom they just met with a pre-printed out sheet of paper #Wow I really didn't intend to write this much

[hellonoblesky]

i feel I may be too much of a pushover

#turtledove is not vibing #See the problem is I hate making issues for other people #I am the number one champion of Acting Civil #I can hate your guts to hell and back but I’ll be polite for the sake of the uninvolved #but like. I’m realizing that doing that leads to me just feeling bad over and over and over again #Idk. Probably something to talk to my therapist about #Maybe it’s just bc Imm from va #like it’s absolutely not bc I’m literally from the dc area we were upfront mean over there but idk #god what happened to the days when I would snap back immediately to defend myself bc now like #Yeah I still stand up for myself but I only do it when I’m legitimately at the end of my rope #And 80% of the time it’s not even for myself it’s for someone else that I care abt that may have been hurt via proximity #I miss who I used to be sometimes. #that child was mean and cruel but she would have never let this happen. #Come back. Let me be angry again. Please please please.

[nomaishuttle]

the thing abt me is i do hsve goals for therapy snd i do want to delve deep into my psyche but i also never get to talk to ppl irl so when i go in and realize i have a captive audience for the next 50 minutes i just cannot shut up.

#I NEVER CONSIDER MYSELF A CHATTY PERSON BUT THEN I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHAT AND IM LIKE TEEHEE #i think im just selective abt who i talk to bc i truly am quite quiet. oh thats cute quite quiet theyre like sisters or cousins maybe. #but i am rly quite quiet i will legit just stand there like 🕴️and i never initiate conversations #but the second i realize somebody actually wants to listen to me talk isrg i suddenly have to recap everything that has ever happened to me #and my opinions on everything that has existed since the big bang occured #AND I TALK FAST SO I FEEL LIKE THAT KIND OF MAKES PPL NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME. BC YOU GIVE ME AN INCH OF INTEREST oh thats cute inch of #interest thats fun.. bc they sound kind of similar thats awesome. anyway you give me an inch of interest and i will take a mile of.. #monologue ? closest m word related to talking i can think of but it isnt especially close to mile. oh well #but its literally so bad and then ppl dont want to talk to me bc ill talk for 30 minutes straight but the contents of the talk will be 1.5 #hours worth i just talk rly fast and im constantly looping back to things i talked abt before and also leaping to things that are #tangentially related and basicslly . i think i am not very fun to talk to #i also told leslie abt my white man disease of thinking I could totally start a podcast. and she was like well normally i would say i think #they should make microphones cost 5000000 dollars to dissuade people from starting podcasts but i think i would enjoy listening to yours #which is tempting fate. i will not start a podcast #but also if i did she would hypothetically like it.. idt she so #would actually lisren bc i think thats kinda likee. yk its oversrepping the therapy boundary #it would not be an issue to me but i have heard that like. if a therapist hss a yter as a client they shouldnt watch that yters videos yk. #sooo unfortunately she wouldnt actually listento the podcast but yk. BUT I SHOULDNT MAKE A PODCAST IT IS MY INNER WHITE MAN SPEAKING. #idk why i said inner bc hes also outer i am a white semiman. semiman... itis mesnt to be prounced semi man (sim i man.. or sem e man if #you prefer.) but its also fun to read as simmuhman.

[pan-phlets]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#there’s this mean mean girl I used to live with and be friends with #and it’s a long story but she was really manipulative and would have these huge meltdowns when she didn’t get her way #and she would send me these truly nasty texts #and I soon realized that she had never been nice to me #like she was only nice if she wanted something from me and as soon as I drew a boundary she would explode #and I showed my therapist all the nasty texts she sent and my therapist said she honestly though this girl was a narcissist #and I just heard that she had a meltdown and was mean to another friend of mine #anyways this is all relevant because the friend she had a meltdown at is having a party tomorrow #and she previously was going to be at the party but now I’m not sure if she is #and the anxiety over not knowing if that narcissist is going to be there or not is literally killing me #I just needed to scream into the void

[mourningcttlfsh]

uhh its in the tags but like vent tw?? kinda (especially the tags) sorry this is also like a bit long

does anybody else just like. not talk to people not because you don't enjoy talking to people in fact you love talking to people so much & wish you could do it more but because you feel like you have nothing interesting to say & the other person is probably going to think you're cringe & they won't want to be your friend anymore & also they don't care about a single word that comes out of your mouth even though said person has never done anything to show that they would react in this way or is it just me ahaha

#& then you're also too scared to open up too much to people on the internet #so you just barely have any interaction with other people #& you recognize that it's a problem & it's fucking up your mental health #but you genuinely dunno what to do #ummmm this post is so dumb sorry to whoever sees this #tw vent #kind of? dunno if it counts as a vent but i think it does so im tagging to be safe #im stuck in a constant cycle of realizing this is the reason i feel so disconnected to everyone else #but then not knowing what to do so i just forget #& then it comes back worse #if i wasn't so scared of opening up to my family & friends maybe i would speak to a therapist #i tried talking to one of my friends once & it was just. awkward #like there's something else i have to say but i can't say it to them #without that there's a lot of context missing & i don't mean to hide things from my literal best friend but like #it's not their burden to bear #they shouldn't have to know #whoops these are a lot of tags #this got a little too long my bad #if anyone actually reads this i will explode #'oh dont post it then' too BAD!!! i will do it regardless!!!!