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vilsoo · 2 years

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Please share your plot theories or ideas! I'd love to hear/read them! 🌸

aaaaa thank u cherry for stopping by and hearing me out !! just press read more bc its LONGG (like william’s dick—)

• i rlly would love the movie to be centered around the five victims going after william which leads to him being springlocked in the end. the five children (jeremy, susie, fritz, gabriel, cassidy) and as well as charlie and CC (evan).

• features the bite of 83 and everything that happened after which may not be accurate to the timeline. but then again this is just my own plot i’ve come up with in my head lol

• the movie will have the same cinematic style as how IT and Stranger Things are filmed (with the retro and 80s aesthetic going on). the pizzeria would look attractive and glowy, all the cool kids hang out there, the animatronics have the accurate designs (spring bonnie and fredbear) and yeah.

• i imagine the beginning of the movie to be centered around cassidy and michael as platonic friends who go to high school together hanging out at the pizzeria. this is when the bite of 83 occurs. michael bullies his little brother, blah blah blah, bite of 83 occurs, and everyone’s traumatized. the bite of 83 is also very graphic with evan’s frontal lobe literally fucked up. michael is in deep shit.

• after cassidy witnessed the whole thing, she’s curious about william afton’s design choice for his animatronics. how they look like killer machines to her. even though she’s fond of the afton family, she’s sometimes suspicious of michael’s dad.

• cassidy as a person is very bubbly but very ambitious. she’s got her braces on, wears yellow sometimes with her outfits (colorcoding and foreshadowing her demise as gf) a lot about her character is developed in the beginning of the movie where she becomes likable as one of the lead female characters, has future goals and achievements shes working for after graduating, etc, etc. her quote is literally “the one you shouldn’t have killed” so her motive of going after william with such anger and revenge after being killed by him will make sense.

• cassidy gets murdered around the first 20-28 mins of the movie (i rlly dont know what else to fill with it since i’ve only centered it after cassidy) by sneaking into the pizzeria late at night to investigate william’s creations in the parts and service. she is then taunted by some creepy sfx, like echoes or subtle movement, then a jumpscare by william afton and then a chase scene.

• cassidy tries very hard to fight for her life. she’s a strong girl, but not strong enough to get away from william. she constantly struggles as william stabs her in the arm. it’s a very gruesome fight of cassidy still fighting for her life with her injuries, her pleads, and her fright. just when she thought she got away from him, another loud jumpscare happens where william grabs her from behind and holds her throat.

• cassidy would be tearing up, begging for him to not do this, etc, etc. and even though william coos her for a bit in hopes he’ll spare her life, he slits her throat with the knife by surprise. her bleeding body collapses near some golden freddy prototype and leaves her there to die.

• fast forward, the four other kids were killed including charlie, and william is growing insane. michael loses himself. then years later, after the death of his little brother and his sister (i’m not sure where we’re gonna place elizabeth’s death scene), he’s working at the pizzeria.

• oh yeah, famous fnaf youtuber cameos. (markiplier, mattpatt, possible dawko and cory as background characters or voicing animatronics??)

• evan afton and cassidy find each other in spirit form. she found him wondering around the pizzeria and she tries her best to comfort him. prolly an emotional part of the movie as they harbor inside golden freddy together out of anguish, anger, dismay, etc. they both had their own problems with william.

• as william does whatever he does, cassidy in her spirit form haunts him. she taunts him with sfx, hallucinations, whisperings, etc. like some kind of shadow. there will be flashing images of her dead corpse, bleeding and jumpscaring him in his nightmares. cassidy has been holding in her anger of ruining her life. she’s the most vengeful spirit and only cares about ruining william’s life after what he’s done. is is also hinted about torturing him in some kind of eternal hell.

• charlie is harboring the five kids since their souls are trapped in the animatronics. she takes care of them as if they’re in some kind of therapy circle LMAO

• charlie, the kids, cassidy/cc somehow meet up wondering around the pizzeria and cassidy insists on a plan to kill william. but charlie is not fond of her plan, she just wants to rest peacefully along with the other kids. charlie anc cassidy have a little tension from their disagreement, making cassidy emotionally manipulate her by saying she doesn’t understand *our* anger, sympathizing with a serial killer, etc.

• honestly i just want cassidy as the girl boss female horror movie icon of the movie LMAO

• when a plan is sorted out with all the dead spirits, it’s executed perfectly when william falls for it. after making a quick stop one rainy night to the pizzeria, the spirits become visible on charlie’s lead, terrorizing william and scaring him shitless as he runs through the pizzeria.

• cassidy, out of bitterness and vengeance however, dips the plan and scares william when she comes alive in her dead corpse. surprisingly after all these years her skin is not rotten LFMAOAO but she’s not rlly a zombie, it’s mostly a hallucination of her dead, bleeding body chasing him through the pizzeria (like wanda from the tunnel chase scene in multiverse of madness)

• then, william is lead to a room where the spring bonnie suit is. all souls are surrounding him outside the door as william makes threats, then he notices the spring bonnie suit. when cassidy barges in first, william has the suit on, taunting her until the raindrop from the leaky roof drops on him.

• the kids are speechless, charlie is horrified, and cassidy is utterly shocked after witnessing william getting springlocked right before their eyes. charlie does her best to hide the kids while cassidy stands before them, feeling a bit complacent and silently pleased when he dies before her eyes in the most painful way.

• the souls are freed including evan, who was crying, but cassidy ignores him. since her revenge was fulfilled, charlie and evan are no use to her anymore. they finally leave, while cassidy stays and stares at william’s corpse with a smirk on her face.

• “welcome to hell, william.”

#( 🌸 ) — anon.#fnaf movie #fnaf plot predictions

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halfdeadfriedrice · 1 year

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kink and gendah (and at the bottom some classic familial homophobia as i grouse) undah the cut

i mean probably not that much of either explicitly but like

on saturday i went to the local kink demo and play party and had a Real Moment of 'oh i'm fixed now'; i've been in a shit mood for the last Number of Weeks due to issues at work being The Worst and while a few of those fears were assuaged by getting information, nothing truly assuaged me like getting hoisted up in some suspension bondage and having someone try all my floggers out on me

which is to say i was just. pleasantly surprised. even if i hadn't played the atmosphere was just. the most body positive. the least creepy. so much voyeurism but all of it in just a nice appreciative way without crossing any lines (to Me; i was also hanging out with some fairly select people not circulating the entire room); and for a room full of old white southern dudes (or transplants, lotta transplants) the GENDER AFFIRMATION was at least an EFFORT BEING MADE. multiple people asked my pronouns (which actually i should put in my profile i bet that would be helpful). Even if there was a certain mindset of 'male top/female bottom' people would acknowledge that that was their old mindset and try to correct themselves in the moment. i'm sure it's not perfect (what is, especially in a state that's competing to be the Worst State) but i felt perfectly happy to exist. also i'm ready for the NEXT ONE damn.

---

(cw family)

and then i went out for my dad's bday the next day and everybody made a great deal of hay out of someone's 'assume my gender' joke and it's one of those things where it's like. i mean what can you say other than HOMESTUCK BLUH FACE. can't live with em and don't lol.

---

this was in the tags but i suppose i'll take them out of the tags so that they can all be opt-in.

#all right i'm ready to admit to real life people i've got gender. #but more importantly i've got cool bruises and i'm looking forward to having them again. #it's one of those things where im like 'why did i waste my 20s not doing this' and also knowing that i got scared off in my 20s #and now i know how to snub creepy doms who want to play intimidation games with babies #i'm old and i have trauma and i'm not playing doe-eyed anymore #also!!! girls!!!! we love them. holy shit girls.

#half dead fried life

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sharpiepaws · 1 year

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art questions

this was supposed to be like oooooh send in a number and i'll answer it but i don't feel like waiting i wanted to answer these all NOW whether you want answers or NOT 1. Art programs you have but don’t use i've installed firealpaca, medibang, drawpile, i think i have a crack of paint tool sai still, know i have a crack of csp lying around. truth be told the last time i used a digital art program that wasn't gimp was 2 years ago where i drew like 3 things in drawpile. 2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even) full front and 3/4 either direction are equally easy. it's profiles that are difficult. 3. What ideas come from when you were little a lot of my ocs come from when i was 13-ish. from when i was a little kid tho not much carries over except a theme of things being genetically engineered in some way. 4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw folliage/nature. i need to take a lot of references to make plants and foresty sorta landscapes look passable. 5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself i think i post nearly everything that's complete, and i complete nearly everything. anything that isn't posted is part of a larger whole and eventually will get posted. so probably like over 95% of what i do is posted online. 6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it) 60s anime and akira toriyama's earlier work (dr slump/dragon ball). idk. smthn about the eyes. 7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate vector artwork. tried it when i was 14 and hated it. just doesn't mesh well i'm a bitmap boy. 8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in esther's redemption angel story. it's not really interesting to me and the afterlife "oh i'm a good angel and i help demons!" just feels really played out? i blame vivzie. 9. What are your file name conventions 001 002 003, a combination of keywords, or ajhgkjahkj 10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw puffy sweaters. any winter clothes really. 11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what yea i listen to pretty much anything. i kinda just pick an album or a dj set at random. i mostly listen to electronic music or alt rock. 12. Easiest part of body to draw arms. legs are a close second. 13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing ... i don't think i have something like that if i don't like their work i don't really get interested in them lol. idk hidetaka miyazaki? for being a huge out masochist in interviews? that shit's funny. only played dark souls 1 tho. 14. Any favorite motifs characters grappling with their own mortality in some way shape or form 15. *Where* do you draw (don’t drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth) in my room. at my desk. 16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing scriptthttt writttingg.g.. i forgot how much you have to Write to create Thing they can't just be nebulous ideas or cool scenes one after the other. 17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what i dink my oiter. and sometime my monsert if i want to feel like shit and have a really fast heart rate for a really long time. 18. An estimate of how much art supplies you’ve broken my collection of dried up poscas and copics and highlighters and literally any other marker is huge i'm sure. also i have popped the nib off of prismacolor's 005 fineliner at least twice. (prisma fineliners suck get staedtler or faber-castell instead) 19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.) plants no contest. rooms are also really cool. 20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy hands. i've always liked them. 21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways i dig baroque era paintings quite a bit. 22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any none i rawdog that sketchbook 23. Do you use different layer modes the closest thing i have to layers is my lightbox. 24. Do your references include stock images yes of course absolutely 25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by BEASTARS. i guess because furry? lol 26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended i haven't finished any of my Works yet so i don't have an answer for this yet but i have a sneaking suspicion that one of them will be wildly misinterpreted but we shall see 27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with no not really. i didn't even realize warming up was a concept until like, this year or smthn 28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines) i did work for CUTE CERVID on their first comp. other than that no i am too reclusive and hate interacting with the Art Community at large to participate in most zines. 29. Media you love, but doesn’t inspire you artistically jet set radio funnily enough. the game literally about art hahahah i don't think i've ever drawn jet set radio fanart and i've been into that game for like 4 years now 30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

this one. it's literally one of the best things i've ever drawn and everytime i post it it gets like 5 like/fav/engagements MAX

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upagainstthesunset · 2 years

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Another issue in my ongoing readthrough. Here’s Flash Vol 2, Issue 4 - Kill the Kilg%re

Alright here we go. I know he’s making this face because he’s suspicious of Schmitz’s finger, but if this isn’t the face of a pouty mcpouterson, idk what is.

I’ll have to suspend my disbelief about an entity controlling electricity and somehow being able to make a weird cable robot monster. Although, I’ll admit this would be scary as fuck if it really happened.

Ah he dove in the way to save Tina. Really giving the hero thing a good name.

“The Titan?” no the magical fairy. Yes of course the Titan. What other Cyborg would Flash be talking about.

AH!!!! A DRAMATIC KISS!!!!!! I love the background colors.

Oh she’s got 12 years on him. He’s like head over heels enamored with her. Um, but yeah her being married is still kind of an issue. He can’t stop thinking of her, and there’s something very relatable about that. He’s got some pretty serious world-saving business to attend to, but he can’t keep focus bc she’s on his mind.

Well I’m not too surprised there’s looting in New York. And here’s Cyborg. He really seems like the one who should be dealing with Kilg%re. Lol he called Wally Leadfoot. You know, if I knew a speedster I would constantly call them slow just to get under their skin. Ha ha ha.

Magnets. I mean... magnets are legitimate I suppose. The way he says it though lol.

Ah poor guy. Wally’s really having a dilemma over Tina.

And good, Cyborg is actually going to be involved. LMAO he totally called Wally on having a thing for Tina. I have a feeling Wally’s not the kind of guy who hides things well.

Wow these visuals are wild. Lol was someone high when they drew this?

LMAO COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA YOU SARCASTIC SHIT but I mean.. saying that might actually work looool

Wally’s drawn so cute in this panel. I know comic art style is like.. kind of all over the place, so he just looks like this here by chance. But it’s way more in line with what I’d expect a 20 year old to look like. And DAMN time for a desert hookup huh? I mean, if I were her I’d be like 😏

Welp there goes Schmitz. He ran off like he’s got the zoomies. Oh he’s trying to meet up w the rest of the mechanism. And now he’s attacking!!

Sooo, I should not have started to read this at 12:30 at night bc now I’m starting to fall asleep. 😅 Okay, gotta read the last four panels again. This text is making me drowsy tho. Alright alright alright, last page, I can make it.

Ah Wally made it and he didn’t let it get the Schmitz-bot. I feel like I missed how/why exactly they know Kilg%re is for sure dead. I mean, I keep falling asleep so maaaybe that has something to do with the confusion.

And Tina is going to take care of things with her soon to be ex husband it sounds like. Wally really likes her. I’d heard he had a string of girlfriends and I’m not sure when or who that is, but this one he seems really into. I mean, look at this romantic last panel.

Final thoughts:

First and foremost, I gotta stop falling asleep when I read comics. I think that’s what happened the first time around, and is prob why I don’t remember a lot of what I read.

Besides that, the developing relationship with Tina and little peeks into how Wally feels was fun. Lol is this the shoujo romance aspect of comics? I’m on board with it ha ha ha. And there was some action and the chase through the desert was cool and all, but idk how they actually killed it? I did like that they sort of explain that the stuff it’s made of comes from somewhere, and that parts came from elsewhere in the city. The president and the communist/Russia references are weird and stand out like a sore thumb, but given the time this was written, it probably fit a lot better. And it looks like next issue is going to continue focusing on Tina. I’m looking forward to it!

#katereadscomics #wally west #the flash #flash vol 2

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rosefromc0ncret3 · 2 years

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feeling the feels.

its only been a few days since ive been back here in socal but I feel like I have so much to process. it sucks being far from family, friends and overall familiarity. its so weird knowing that being in socal is literally something ive always wanted and now that im here.. I question if this is really what I wanted. I wonder if its just cuz everything is so new and im having to readjust to a whole new environment in my late 20s. I know nothing could have prepared me for these feelings, I guess I just wish I knew how to cope with them better. there are also times where I am feeling it more heavily than other days. I really dont know when im gonna stop crying over this. its also so interesting going home cuz it literally feels like I never left and I just pick back up on the things I used to do when I was there. idk if im just romanticizing home.. cuz I know that when I was there, I felt like I was starting to grow resentment for it. and thats when I knew I had to leave and experience something new. I never wanted to end up hating it or feel stuck. and I felt so consumed by everything. the space is necessary forsure, I just didnt know how much I would feel like this. didnt think I was gonna miss everything and everyone this much. its like the distance makes me feel like people are gonna forget about me. or that im just missing out on everything back home. its interesting cuz I know that I dont wanna move back home just yet cuz I know I want to experience more life down here. but it just gets tricky cuz I cry about missing home every other day. idk, I guess I just confuse myself with these feelings.. I know that multiple feelings can coexist.. it just really fucken fucks with me sometimes cuz it sounds like idk what I want.i guess I'll figure it out one day right? I was talking to liana last night and she told me that I could take the easy way out if I wanted to and just go back home, but giving myself the opportunity to grow down here obvz isnt easy.. I hope that when I look back at this time in my life, I'll be glad that I did this move. so strange right? I couldnt wait to leave at first and now its like im thinking about when im gonna go back home.. been watching sf movies like crazy and I feel like it helps but it also doesnt.. haha. cuz im just yearning for it and being back. yknw.. its interesting again cuz I look forward to the future times I'll be home but I know im gonna dread leaving again and I know I'll cry every time. I guess thats just something that I know I'll have to deal with. its hard to not knowing who to talk to about this, even tho ive had multiple friends who have moved far and have experienced this as well. I guess I just dont wanna talk about it with anyone anymore cuz its the same shit. and I know people are gonna tell me the same shit anyway. so I guess rn im just tryna figure out how I can process this on my own.. as well as give myself grace throughout all this too. sigh, but how lol. I guess just taking it day by day. at the same time, its cool knowing that im in the vicinity of the things I like to do in la/oc. so that helps.. I have tammy to hang out with, but its hard when shes my only friend down here and she also has a lot of stuff to do. im hoping that I'll gain some new and meaningful friendships during my time down here. sigh, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see right? another thing thats been on my mind lately is my love life. which is something that I haven't really thought about lately, which is funny right.. considering how obsessive I was when it came to it and how I so badly wanted to be in a relationship ever since middle school. I think postgrad life (undergrad) just never gave me the opportunity to put myself out there, nor find anyone that I was really attracted to like that.. I mean more recently ofc ive had crushes on people that ive never acted on. I always tell myself that I feel like the guy should always try to show interest and make that initial move first. I mean my past has kinda shown me that whenever I tried to make the first move, it didnt necessarily work. I think im just traumatized lol. but idk, whenever I see my crushes get in relationships, I get into this spiral of what if I just did this or that. and then I start to think about what could have happened if I showed interest.. idk. I feel like im always romanticizing the dating scene too and just expect every dude to be like Peter kavinsky. or at least the ideal guy I have in my head be like that.. but idk. im always thinking about how I know I deserve the best when it comes to my romantic partner but I know I have to be realistic about my expectations too. but whats so bad about having high expectations and knowing what I want? idk. I guess ive just been hella in my head about this shit and its just so hard for me to wrap my head around it too. cuz im like whyyyy cant people just be upfront (me saying this when I cant even be upfront). so here I am just listening to songs about crushes and love thinking about specific people and wondering if it’ll ever happen. the thoughts in my head really just go round and round.. idk how else to process them besides just saying it out loud here. it helps sometimes, sometimes I feel like theres additional things I need to do. I guess I'll figure it out huh.. and just trust that im right where im supposed to be and that things will fall into place beautifully (even if the fall is a bit messy and ugly sometimes).

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lilacofficial · 2 years

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JRWI Apotheosis episode 1 commentary Part 4 (End)

Last part of episode 1 let's go!

Lol Hey Bizly.

Good luck Bizly.

Loones and tuneies?

Wait those are real?! I thought it was some sort of Looney Tunes joke

My bad. *Loonies and toonies*.

"I could defeat the bear."...."I could fight the bear.".

That's my favorite soda! No Name brand

G O D S L A Y E R S?!

Strict training. I understand Bizly's no laughing thing now.

Oh wait. His he one of the sons?

Champion's helmet.

His voice. 😮

Is that how that line goes?

Lol fair enough dude.

He just wants to read his magazines. Poor dude.

Oh dang. That's intense.

Oh. I've got some bad news about your guys' Dad in the very very near future.

Big words. ("I could take you right now actually.")

You'll see it soon my dude. Give it like a few hours.

Spicing?

"Spicing?" Lol that's what I said!

Forbidden room.

A natural 1 against a natural 20. Oof.

He's like, "Dang. I didn't think he would be so dumb and easy to trick 😂.".

So this isn't that family then?

Well.... that's unfortunate. I have a sneaking suspicion that things will go wrong today

Aw poor dude. 1

Oh. Adopted?

Canopy bed?

CANOPY BED!!

Their Dad is a cartoon character. Same clothes everyday.

Look? Look for what?

Oh. Is that the first time we've heard his name?

Contour. 💄

DIRTY ON THE DOWN LOW. 🤣

Secret passage?

Secret passage!

Like a Mom lol

Oh music.

Oh. Oh no. Medical table?

BRUH. WHAT?!

That's creepy.

Loudly.

Oh my gosh.

A little shocked?! I'm speechless. I know I'm typing but my mouth is shut and my eyes are wide.

Dad?

Project. Thanatos.

Oh. Oh no.

Oh no no no no no no no no no no NO!

😰

Evil Gods?

G O D S L A Y E R!

Aw. Poor Thanatos. 😢

Insert Vine here. 😏 (That Vine is so funny and for what)

Very valid Thanatos.

Does he stab his Dad?!

Soccer mom-ing it. ⚽️

Podium?

Bowling time. 👦 🎳

Oh no. He's like, "Time to try again." 🗡.

Oh dang.

I.AM.SHAKING.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. 😟

⚔

This is so sad.

Durian? Is it because he stinks? 😂

360 no scope.

His wires. 😦

Oh dang. ("I was never your son.".)

Mechanics whirring. 🥺

Lol. Got him.

Oooo stained glass.

Oooooooo. Symbolism. I hope someone has drawn that scene.

Oh two attacks!

Third imposter! 😂

"I'm used to Chip. Chip just kind of do shit."

Lol that's okay Bizly. I would probably do the same thing.

Oh dang Thantos. That's quite a line.

Yeah. He was unprepared for this.

Aw. Not his brothers. 😟

What was that Bizly? 😂

An opening to open him.

Dang.

BaAg. I love the way Canadians say bag. It makes the word sound cooler.

"If we're past that at this point." Ouch.

Aw. Ow. 💔 ("It was an honour to serve under who I thought you were.")

Aw. My heart.

"I'm gonna smite this Motherfucker! I'm pissed off! At the dice! In real life!"

10 robot damage.

"How do you wanna do this?" 😟

My jaw just dropped.

Aw dang.

The mechanics!!

Oof.

Oh my gosh.

Only 20 minutes ago.

My mouth is agape. I bet I look so dumb right now.

Religous deconstruction lol

Oh yeah. I forgot....again.

"I've said my piece." BIZLY!

I do feel bad for the brothers and sisters. At this point. Who knows lol

"That was metal as fuck man! And not just cause I'M metal! But holy shit that was cool!" I AGREE!!

That was a lot.

I am worried bit also super intrested and looking forward to this campaign.

I can't wait for them all to meet and see what kind of dynamics they have with each other!

Obviously Charlie, Grizzly and Bizly were great but I just want to give a round of applause to Condi real quick.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

That was amazing.

#jrwi apotheosis episode 1 #jrwi apotheosis #jrwi #spoilers

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citrinie · 3 years

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spending my last few hours as 19 drinking a mcdonalds frappuccino and eating tacos😏

#there is literally no other way i would go into my 20s lol #its bittersweet turning 20 bc i never thought i would ever get to this point #like i feel sad that i never really did teenage shit bc of my anxiety and introvert nature #but then i look forward to do other cool shit in my 20s lol #im slowly entering adulthood which is so freaking scary but im trying to relay on myself more :)#on another note i hope to get back into posting #but i have been busy working and studying #and procrastinating lol #so i havent been in game in foreever #for now im just going to take in the fact that im getting a year older tomorrow and not believing it ;)#hoping anyone who reads these long ass talks in tag a good day/evening/night/morning :*#love yall <33 #nonsims

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empty-dream · 2 years

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Just watched & read Tokyo Revengers

Basically Bokumachi/Erased but with gang wars.

A 26yo part timer time travels back into 12 years to prevent a massive gang war that causes the death of his then-girlfriend back in middle school.

I'm just gonna talk about general theme and up to the S1 anime here. Who knows maybe I'll comment more manga spoiler in the reblog.

I think this is more Drama Action than Action Drama.

Takemichi cries A LOT but to be fair, if it was me who saw shits like that over and over again, I'd cry too and also lose my marbles pretty soon so yeah, understandable.

To people who know nothing (like his friends, for example) he may simply be a guy who cries over random small matters but as a viewer who knows everything, I think he has the right to. I love how the title "Crybaby hero" rings, it suits him perfectly.

And everybody in this show cries. Everybody. Period. And me too. We're all crybabies here.

And this is a hard mode because Takemichi is practically a nobody, consistently weak at fighting and not at all traditionally cool or resourceful. His virtues are simply being a good person who never -doesn’t want to- gives up and being a goddamn tank with probably an unlimited health insurance limit (cause holy hell the amount of hospitalization and medical treatments he gets)

Can't say I ever agree with the idea of teens forming gangs and picking fights for glory and fun. But back in the day, I was close with people actively involved in it. So at some level, the story is kinda familiar lol. I also like that there is a difference between being ‘delinquents’, and being a ‘straight-up criminal’. For the most part, original ToMan are just teens enjoying fights, while the other antagonists can range from committing family abuse to rape to murder.

It's funny to see that these are middle schoolers tho. I'd find it normal if they are high schoolers, but yeah 12-14 are also period you do stupid things... I have seen middle schooler gangs as well. But personally I think you'd be more successful at doing unlawful acts when you're both strong and stupid lol.

The timeline gets from 0 to 20 to -100 real fucking quick y'all.

Favorite character? Mitsuya. I actually like him at his first appearance and thank god he's quite a prominent character. He's such a cool-headed dude. And I love his earring and hair color. (Black Dragon arc is his stage so looking forward for that in the anime)

Best relationship dynamic for me, Takemichi-Hinata and Chifuyu-Takemichi. The former is basically the best parts of tragic time-travel healthy couples tropes crammed in, the latter is dumbasses duo that complements each other so well it makes me want to cry every time they are together. Oh and Mikey-Takemichi because of...all that stuff between them :(

One thing that catches my eyes: The fashion. I'm not talking about the covers or the official artworks, I'm talking about the in-story outfits. Like, man, what the hell, they dress so good? Every gang has their own uniforms and they all look cool. Even Valhalla who 'only' has jackets have theirs uniquely designed (the red tag is eye-catching). If there is any season 2, the uniforms are gonna be even more awesome.

And the characters' casual outfits are always different but also reflecting their preferences and personalities. Like Mikey's jinbei kimono (I think it's what's called?) and the outfits he wears as adult, Draken's similar-looking black/white outerwears, Chifuyu's oversized jackets, and Takemichi's weird shirts.

I like the anime. Sure it's not flashy whatsoever (time travel aside, it's about gangs and mysteries, not supernatural earth-scorching battles) but the way they frame the scenes and adding more details is great for the tension and making sense. My favorite examples are Akkun preparing to stab Kiyomasa and the scene with Takemichi, Baji and Chifuyu in ep18.

I'm glad I watch the season when it's already over because for me this is the kind of anime best for binging instead of watching once per week.

They really pick the worst best scene to end the season holy shit.

If you ignore logics like 'They could have done X that'd be far easier and more effective" or "Do they have the papers for the motorcycles?" or "How much is the hospital bills for that?" and yada yada, I think this is a fun popcorn series.

Idk why but the ED2 is actually my favorite. Also man, that's quite a foreshadowing.

Tl;Dr: Are these really middle schoolers?!

#tokyo revengers #random saying

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lightsovermonaco · 3 years

Text

His Good Sweater: Chapter 10

Masterlist

Shoutout to my bestie @acollectionofficsandshit for all the drunk comments she made while betaing this one... Wish you guys could see them lol

Word Count: 4.8k

Recommended song: “Amnesia" by 5SOS

Pierre paces in his dinky trailer at the Circuit of the Americas and desperately tries to forget you exist. He had already taken down the pictures on the wall but the images were burned into his brain. He had shoved your shirt under his bed, having absolutely no idea how it had made its way halfway around the world to taunt him.

He was slowly unraveling like a spool of thread on a loom as you wove him irrevocably into the tapestry of your life.

The race in Austin started in less than two hours and you hadn't texted him. Not once in the handful of years he'd known you had you neglected to wish him luck before a race, even if it was 2 am your time or you had exams, you always took thirty seconds to warn him to be safe and finish well.

He was beginning to think you hated him for how he'd acted at the gala last weekend, jealous and possessive from afar. Talking to you would have been the better choice. But seeing you laugh and dance the night away had hurt too much. He’d slipped out early after Victoria assured him she could find a ride and sped home to fall apart.

He had only barely managed to piece himself together in time for the race.

Pierre checks his phone for the third time in as many minutes and swears under his breath. He didn't know why he expected it to ring and for your face to pop up at this point. Even if you called to tear into him, he'd still fall to his knees at the sound of your voice. He just wanted to hear you speak, didn't care what was said, only that he could latch onto your words and lose himself in them.

Hope sparks when his phone chimes but he nearly throws it across the trailer when he sees Charles' name.

Heard from her yet?

No. At this point I'm beginning to think I never will again.

Maybe she fell asleep early?

It's 5 pm in London. I'll bet you she's eating a bowl of takeout from the Chinese place down the street, not sleeping.

Its still possible. Don't dwell on it. This isn't the headspace you wanna be in before a race. Block it out. I don't wanna see my best friend wind up hurt today.

Pierre didn't reply, if only because Charles was right. Worrying would get him nowhere. After his shitty qualifying yesterday, he started thirteenth on the grid so he had his work cut out for him. Austin offered plenty of opportunity for overtakes; he could get the job done if his team made the right calls.

And if he made it to the podium, you would have to text him.

The thin mattress groans when he sits to unlace his hastily tied race boots. He folds his legs to sit criss cross and places his palms on his knees. The familiar pose already has some of the tension leaving his shoulders as his eyes slide shut. He breathes in for ten seconds, reflecting on what ails him. He holds the breath for five seconds before releasing it slowly.

He repeats the process until he comes to terms with the fact that you won't be wishing him luck. That was your choice; there was nothing he could do about it and therefore no sense reading into it. He had done all he could to convince you to trust him. The ball was in your court; he had to be patient and wait for you to take a shot.

“Focus,” he murmurs to himself, forcing any erroneous thoughts from his head. “Walk through the track.”

The circuit at Austin was challenging, consisting of a mix of 20 sweeping corners and scattered hairpins. He was almost lucky in a way to be starting so far back on the grid because turn one was only a few hundred meters from pole and their tires would be slightly colder and less grippy upon arrival than his would be. The few extra seconds afforded to him by starting thirteenth could mean the opportunity to leap frog past his rivals in the first corner.

The counterclockwise circuit meant he would have to keep an eye on his front left tire too, as it would wear faster than the others. He'd change gears an average of 66 times per lap, higher than similar length tracks like Monaco. Pit stops cost an average of nineteen seconds, meaning he would need to build a significant gap to the driver chasing him in order to avoid the threat of any undercuts.

There were too many variables occupying space in his mind to afford you a sliver of it.

Some time later he decides that his four leaf clover tucked safely in the worn leather of his wallet will provide all the luck he needs and switches on his pre race playlist after popping in his ear buds.

"Sights on the podium," he murmurs to himself, hand on the doorknob. "Let's race."

The bass flows through him as his feet carry him to the Alpha Tauri garage on autopilot, through the back entrance and to his plain white driver room. The familiar beats are a numbing salve spread on his frayed nerves, his anticipation rising like a crimson wave in his veins. He leaves his clothes in a haphazard heap in the corner and changes into the white fireproofs hanging nearby, thoughts momentarily veering to you knocking on the door and stripping them right back off.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, he runs through his usual stretch sets until Pyry arrives to walk him through reflex exercises.

"How's your head?" Pyry asks, running him through more cool down stretches. "Do we need to take a minute and do some meditation?"

"Beat you to it," Pierre grunts out, pushing back against the hand on his head to work his neck. "I'm good."

"You sound better than you have all week, I'll give you that. Keep that focus, use it to propel yourself forward."

"Run me through the lineup again," Pierre requests, "I need something else to think about."

Because if he let his mind follow the path it wanted to, it would inevitably lead to you and undo the work he had done to avoid that. He needed to be empty of anything that wasn't racing, anything else was an unnecessary distraction that had the potential to end in disaster.

Pyry rattles off the grid in order of who Pierre needs to overtake, pausing between each name to give him time to recall their driving styles and potential chinks in their armor to exploit. He knew from tapes of previous years that Stroll often ran wide into turn one, giving Pierre the option to brake late and sweep up the inside. Vettel was half convinced the track was cursed, so his mind would work against him enough that Pierre could exploit it and get past at some point. He continued until he got to Hamilton and Max locking out the front row, where he would need a bit of luck to overtake.

"You got it?" Pyry asks, stepping back.

Pierre rolls his shoulders and nods.

"Get shit done mate," Pyry says and bumps fists with his driver. He slips out to allow Pierre a moment to center himself before slipping into his race suit, leaving it half unzipped and tying it around his waist before following his trainer.

Pyry leads the way to where the matte navy and white car waits, mechanics swarming it like studious worker bees tending to their queen. No one talks to him save his engineer because words from anyone else threaten to break his carefully constructed race mentality. If they wanted him to bring home points, they knew to leave him alone once he was suited up.

His mind is blank of anything but statistics as he twists his ear buds in and pulls on his balaclava and helmet. As his vision narrows to the sliver of track he can see through his visor, so does his focus. With forty minutes to lights out, he's directed out onto the track. He rips the wheel to the right as he exits the garage, getting a decent powerslide for his efforts.

There was no doubt in his mind that he would land on the podium, if only to see the look on your face when he did.

**********

It took an unfathomable amount of restraint to keep yourself from calling Pierre to wish him luck.

You texted Max instead, wishing him a safe and comfortable podium a half hour before lights out. He hadn't responded, likely already in the garage with his trainer going through his pre race routine.

The pace Max had set the day before had awarded him pole position and the margin between him and Hamilton had been enough that you were confident in his ability to hold off the Mercedes for all fifty six laps.

If you were honest with yourself, you were disappointed that the Alpha Tauri you so desperately tried to ignore would be starting in thirteenth. You try not to think about it, instead queueing up SkySports and opening your laptop for pre race coverage. You avoid the interviews in favor of listening to the commentators analyze the grid.

"It should be an easy win for Max as long as he fends off Hamilton until the first round of pit stops. The undercut works well here, as Red Bull proved last year, and I'm sure they plan on doing the same thing this year."

You hum in agreement, gingerly sipping your steaming tea. You really ought to consider a career as a sportscaster at this point based on how often you came to the same conclusions they did.

"I think one of the biggest shakeups is Russell starting all the way up in eleventh after his amazing qualifying for Williams yesterday. Think he can hold onto that position?"

"He's got some fierce competition not far behind in the form of Alpha Tauri. Gasly starts thirteenth- surprisingly far back on the grid given the otherwise flawless performance he's shown this year. But it seems likely that he should be able to overtake-"

You flick the tv on mute, unable to stomach listening to them sing his praises. You numb your mind with social media until the Formula 1 theme plays on your laptop, alerting you that there's a few minutes until race start. Tire blankets are peeled off and the drivers weave their way through the formation lap with the exception of Kimi who takes his traditional straight line approach to warm up his supersoft tires.

Most of the front runners are on ultrasofts, indicating a two stop strategy. It was Pirelli's recommended approach, and you were glad that Horner heeded their advice for once and let Max use the ultras in Q2. It would give Max the upper hand over Hamilton who starts on the yellow sidewall tire and thus slightly slower lap times.

Crofty and Brundle break down the notable turns as the cars line up on the grid, pointing out the sharp hairpin only a few hundred meters from pole position. If Max got away clean, he would be ahead of the cramped pack and have an even better edge over the silver arrows who would be forced to queue behind him.

The traditional "lights out and away we go" kicks off the grand prix, engines roaring into the first turn. Max does manage to get away clean and is awarded with an immediate advantage. Turn one proves tragic for the Alfa Romeo of Raikonnen and the Asthon Martin of Stroll who collide and cause Kimi to spin. They rejoin at the back of the pack, your eyes snagging on the navy and white of an Alpha Tauri as it streams past.

Your heart spins in a similar fashion when the GAS driver tag leaps up two places in the timing table, suddenly in eleventh due to the incident. Your gaze snaps to the laptop humming on your legs before you remember its Max's driver cam you queued up. The Dutchman is silent as his engineer relays information about the incident and informs him of the widening gap between those chasing him.

“Confirm received,” Gianpiero says calmly. No matter the situation or how heated Max got, he always kept his head. It was what made the duo such a good match and had likely kept Max from going off the rails on more than one occasion.

“Yeah,” Max says shortly, clearly pissed about how quickly Hamilton was approaching. “Let me know when I’ve got enough charge to get out of range.”

“Yep, will do. Just keep this pace and you’ll hold him at bay.”

Live coverage replays the incident between Stroll and Raikonnen from the view of onboard with Pierre. The instant the 10 on the halo appears in the center of your screen you suck in a breath. He yanks the wheel to avoid colliding with Ocon, who had to do the same to keep from hitting his teammate as they navigate through the carnage.

You chew on your lip and try to refocus on the battle between the front runners. Not much is happening in the midfield for the next thirty or so laps and Max just barely manages to build a solid enough gap between himself and Hamilton to dive into the pits comfortably without losing places.

Your phone rings and you answer it without checking who it was as the only person you wouldn't answer was currently occupied.

"Hello?"

"Why the fuck didn't they pit Daniel?!"

You grin, noting the blistering beginning on his front left tire as SkySports switches to his onboard camera. "Because he's about to pass Charles," you tell Dan's girlfriend. She didn't call you often during races. It was likely that she knew you were nearing your wits end and this was her way of offering support.

"He won't be able to with those tires- oh." She breaks off when Daniel passes a DRS detection zone and his rear wing opens, allowing him to pass the Monegasque with ease.

"Told you," you say with a touch of reprimand. "You're always too nervous about those things. Daniel knows how to drive, just trust him to get the job done and he'll bring home another trophy for your apartment."

"I don't live here," she points out and you roll your eyes. She had lived in London as long as you had known her, but she was almost always at Daniel's apartment whether he was in town or not. Daniel digs in as the camera follows him for a lap, highlighting the widening gap between the McLaren and the Ferrari.

"You basically do. At this point, you're paying rent for a dusty one bedroom apartment on the east side that you set foot in maybe once a month." She scoffs but you push on, "a waste of sterling if you ask me, when you're at Daniel's every time I ask you to do anything."

"You act like I never- there goes Pierre!"

His name sparks dread in your gut as your attention flicks back to the screen in time to see him overtake Bottas on the inside of turn one. He'd managed to claw up to fifth with the move, somehow gaining places while you weren't looking.

"Good for him," you croak, trying your best to be genuinely happy for him. He was pushing the car to the limit and you'd be amazed if he didn't wind up on the podium along with Dan and Max. Charles and Hamilton were the only ones in his way, and something told you Charles wouldn’t put up much of a fight when his mate reached his gearbox. Hamilton would prove a challenge but he had been making tiny mistakes all day. Nothing significant, though enough to add up to him barely holding onto second while Daniel rode his gearbox.

"He's got ten laps to get past those two," she murmurs as if momentarily forgetting you were on the phone.

"Can we talk about literally anything else please?" You whisper, half tempted to shut off the race completely.

"Babe, you have to face the music at some point. Either you never want to see him again or you love him, which is it?"

She never failed to be anything but brutally honest. You appreciate it because everyone else let you brush off your problems, but she called you on your bullshit. She would needle you about it until you folded.

"I think it's better for both of us if I pretend we never met, don't you?"

"Easier for you, yes," she agrees. "But it'll kill Pierre. You don't think you could keep in touch with him, just as friends?"

"I don't know if I can handle that. I can barely look at him without wanting to bawl my eyes out."

She sighs, pausing to contemplate what to say. Voice soft, she continues, "Why don't you just take him back? Clearly it's ruining both of you. Are you really gonna let the press wreck the best you ever had? I know its hard but-"

"I'm not like you," you cut in. "I can't just ignore the articles and the comments and pretend there aren't people out there that hate me for being with him. They came to my house, disrupted my family. Hell, Ben can't even go to school without being mobbed by his classmates demanding answers. If my suffering is what allows my family to go about their lives then so be it."

"If that's what you wanna believe."

You sigh, tangling your fingers in the hem of your shirt. "It is."

"Alright," she says, voice teetering on a knife's edge. "I know better than to try to change your mind when you're like this. He's on the podium by the way. Oh, and watch what you say to Max- Pierre will read into it."

She hangs up without a goodbye, leaving you to deal with the realization that the podium is indeed VER RIC GAS on your own. Your eyes are glued to the Red Bull and McLaren drivers, blatantly ignoring the one in the white suit as the anthems play and the champagne is sprayed, turning away to busy yourself with making coffee when Daniel hands his liquid filled race boot to third place.

You weren't quite sure how you were supposed to watch what you said to Max- there was no reason to in your mind. Max was your next closest friend on the grid and you had every right to congratulate him if you wanted to.

Resolute in your decision, you text Max and Daniel a quick congratulations before shutting off the TV and closing your laptop.

Max's insane custom ringtone he'd selected for himself nearly makes you jump out of your skin when it blares from your phone.

"Hey great race-"

"Did you see it? I wasn't sure if you'd watch it- did you see my move on Hamilton when he tried to get past me?" He was talking a mile a minute like he was still out on track. "I was like- and then Dan tried to overtake me on the final lap and I was like no way! And then-"

"Max," you chime in, dragging out the 'a' with a sing-song voice. "You're rambling."

"Oh right. Yeah but I made it! Led every lap and finished with another win."

"That's great." You force as much enthusiasm in the words as possible, trying to match his chaotic energy. "You did great. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm proud to be your friend. You beat a world champ!"

"It means a lot-"

"Who's that?"

You stiffen at the familiar cadence. You had assumed Max was back in the garage when he called, but he must have still been in the podium room. You could picture him in his race suit, smudges of grease and dirt staining the pristine white. Beads of sweat probably ran down his neck, begging to be brushed away by your tongue.

"Uh, no one," Max says in a lame attempt to cover up his digression. "I gotta go," he whispers to you.

"Let me talk-"

"Wait don't," you start, but the call ends abruptly and you blink. You stare down at your phone, completely dumbfounded. Of course his instinct would be to talk to you, to share the euphoria of a podium with you. It was the first victory in three years he wouldn't have you to celebrate with.

It was only a matter of time until his resolve popped like the cork on his champagne.

**********

Pierre's phone is in his hand as soon as Max hangs up. He hefts his trophy in the other, a wild grin on his sweaty face as he snaps a picture. He makes sure he's the only one in the frame, shamelessly wanting himself to be the center of your attention.

"Mate," Daniel pipes up, catching his eye, "you think that's a good idea?"

Pierre sighs, cutting the Australian a glare. "I'm just trying to fill her in."

"Wasn't your plan to give her space?"

"It's been a week, isn't that long enough?"

"Take it from me, sometimes it takes months for someone to figure things out. Hell, you know how long it took me to sort through my feelings for-"

"I know," Pierre cuts in. "I know. I just- a snap can't hurt can it? C'mon, I just got a podium! If it goes bad I can blame it on the post race jitters."

Daniel holds up his hands and shrugs. "You're a grown man. Do what you want."

Pierre studies the photo, scrutinizing the way his hair was plastered to his head and the awkward way he'd posed to keep anyone but himself out of the frame. It's his genuine smile that he knows will do you in, and ultimately the reason he sends it.

His phone is a lead weight clutched in his grip as he winds through the paddock, constantly stopped by vips and team members congratulating him. None of what anyone says registers, he just tries his best to match their mood and sputter praises about his team's contributions to his podium.

The snap you finally send back is only from the eyes up, but it's enough. He's surrounded by people in his driver room, but for ten seconds it might as well have just been him staring at a sliver of your face on a screen.

The tiny lines at the corners of your shining eyes tell him you're smiling, which is a step in the right direction even if you won't let him see your entire face. It's enough to reignite the hope that slumbered in his chest while waiting for you to pull the trigger and make a move.

He sends back a video of the people in the room, who cheer when they realize they're being filmed. 'Wish you were here,' is what he captions it and sends it without giving himself a chance to overthink.

Ten minutes pass with no reply.

The beer he’s already consumed have given him a pleasant buzz as well as an excuse to make a bad decision or two. He takes another video of the room to post to his Instagram story, 'Missing you' written in the lower left corner.

Fuck, he hopes you'll see it and regret leaving him on read. Instead all he gets is a text from Charles chastising him for stirring up drama.

Really Pierre?

Blame it on the alcohol, he texts back.

I know you aren’t drunk. You can’t form a coherent sentence when you are.

Guess i gotta drink more then

Pierre doesn’t turn anyone bearing alcohol away. He's two celebratory shots deep when Daniel finds him sulking in a corner. "You've got my girl texting me freaking out over your story. I've seen it and I gotta agree with her. Was that really necessary?"

"She left me on read," Pierre says like that was enough explanation. His head was spinning and it was getting hard to keep the room upright. "And it's the truth. I miss her like hell. I want her here. She was supposed to come, you know? I was gonna have her fly in with me on the jet. She doesn't start class again until June. I had this whole week planned out. I was gonna show her Texas- she’s from New York and..."

He trails off when he notes Dan’s pitying smile. Daniel sighs and runs a hand through his curls. "I know. I get it, okay? I know it's hard but you can't force it. You've gotta let her come back on her own, all you're doing now is pushing her away."

He was fucking clueless when it came to these things. He'd had you for a few precious moments and now that he'd lost you he didn't know how to act. His mind was running on hazy autopilot; he barely knew which way was up, let alone did he trust himself to make any sort of important decision.

He stares down at the shot he'd been handed at some point before throwing it back. The cheap whiskey burns his throat but he barely registers the sting. "Should I take it down?"

"She already saw it," Daniel says gently, as if he anticipates how bad the fuck up will hurt. And it does. It hits him like a tire wall at two hundred kph, knowing that you were probably ranting or crying on the phone with Daniel’s girlfriend. "But yeah, that's probably best. People are already wondering what happened between you two, no need to throw fuel on the fire."

"You're probably right-" Pierre cuts off when Charles arrives with a grimace on his face. He shakes his head and gives his friend’s shoulder a squeeze.

"For once I'm not the dumb one."

"You're a dick, you know that right?" Daniel says, allowing Pierre to delete the post. It takes him a few tries before he gets it down, but undeniably rumors will be circulating in the morning if they weren’t already.

"Honestly what were you thinking?" Charles demands, edging towards full blown yelling. "I told you to leave her be. The gossip stemming from this isn’t gonna help.”

The last thing he needed was someone else telling him how stupid his decision had been. At least Daniel had the decency to show sympathy.

"Honestly?" Pierre responds with the same intensity, his anger flaring. "Honestly, Charles, I was thinking that she was happy for me but was too afraid to take the leap. She haunts me. Every second I’m awake I have to force myself away from her. Even when I’m asleep I can’t get away from her. So I don’t know, maybe I wanted to haunt her too."

“This isn’t the way you win her back and you know it.”

“I know!” Pierre throws up his hands. “But what else am I supposed to do? She won’t talk to me. She has no problem talking to Max or Daniel but apparently she draws the line at me.”

“You know it’s not-” Daniel's eyes flick to his phone and he fights back a grin. All it does is remind Pierre that he lost the person that could bring that sort of smile to his own face. "Fellas I wish I could stay and help but I gotta get going. Charles, I think Pierre needs another drink." He slaps five American dollars in the Monegasque's hand. "First one is on me."

Pierre is too deep in a spiral to care when his friend drags him from the party to a bar just south of the circuit. Somehow it was within walking distance; the floor was sticky and the lighting was for shit but he didn't care.

Pierre's focus was on downing shot after shot, erasing the broken image of you his mind had conjured up. He never should have posted the story. It only served to feed into what the media had been speculating for the past week and dredged up more tension between you.

Pierre stops checking his phone two shots later. The liquor provides a wet blanket over his senses, dousing him in cold water and scrambling his brain. He could barely remember his own name, but yours still lived in the corner of his mind.

Even drunk, he refused to forget you.

Two hours and who knows how much alcohol later, Charles helps Pierre back to his hotel room.

Pierre falls asleep as soon as he hits the mattress, head too blurry to dredge up memories of you.

#are you feeling the angst yet #pierre gasly #pierre gasly X reader #formula 1 #f1 #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #formula 1 fanfiction #formula 1 fantasy #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #f1 fic #f1 fantasy #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 rpf #f1 rpf #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly fanfiction

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asleepinawell · 3 years

Note

How has poi changed your life? Genuinely curious, I love this show

I got this ask in May '20 and am only now answering it. :')

part of the problem with answering it is that half of the answer would be to the question of 'how has fandom changed your life' where poi is the fandom I've been the most active in and where fandom made the most difference. and that's a long story

my first draft of this was over 2k words long, and went back much further in time explaining how i had and hadn’t fit into queer spaces and fandom throughout my life. I edited it way back but it’s still long-ish, so you can read it below the break

many years ago, when I got my first full time job in my chosen industry my senior year of college I was so busy that I couldn't function. massive unhealthy amounts of overtime and a toxic work environment. (don't work at tech start-ups, kids!!!) my social life vanished. strikethrough on livejournal happened right then too and fandom, which i’d only been a silent participant in at that point, kind of went quiet for a while and by the time it started regrouping I was so busy that I didn't know about it. several awful years later I quit my job, spent several months in my room in my parents' house trying to recover from massive burn out (see my comment about tech start-ups), and then got a job on the opposite coast and left behind my whole circle of friends some of whom made up my entire connection to the queer community at that time.

making friends after college is very hard when you're an introvert and just generally don't like socializing that much. making queer friends can be even harder since there's fewer places to meet them and there's often an underlying question of dating/sex that hovers around awkwardly when sometimes what you want is just an absolutely no romo/no sex friendship. so while I did make a few queer friends eventually, I didn't have that same sort of community I did before I'd moved and I missed it

(I would be remiss in not saying that the queer friends i made in this time are all amazing and wonderful and some are still my close friends and very important to me. The thing I’m highlighting here was the lack of feeling like I was part of a larger queer community).

fast forward a bit. I get sick. like really really sick. I'm in and out of the ER, I'm missing tons of work, I'm mostly bed-ridden. I think after the last few years people can more easily appreciate how intensely lonely and surreal being stuck at home by yourself non stop can be when you're not used to it. sometime right before that I'd joined tumblr for the sole purpose of looking at cat pictures on my phone during boring meetings. I wasn't really aware that this was where fandom had migrated to (it was in fact possible to use tumblr without intersecting with fandom). but stuck home alone with time to kill I started looking for art and gifs of the tv and games I was consuming and stumbled into fandom tumblr and specifically queer femslash fandom.

I kind of poked around the territory and eventually fell into the carmilla fandom which became the first fandom I actually created content for. a few of my fics had a decent audience and while I was never part of the central core of the fandom I made some good friends there. some of y'all probably followed me back then. I eventually drifted away from carmilla for a lot of reasons I won't get into and stumbled right into poi. this would have been between seasons 4 and 5, late 2015-early 2016.

my health problems get more exciting and I end up in the hospital. I have vague memories of watching poi on my laptop in my hospital bed (vague because I was on a lot of morphine). I actually posted some fic while I was in the hospital (would have been the end of my carmilla run still).

and I get out of the hospital (early 2016) and am somewhat better but it's pretty clear that I'm going to have chronic health issues probably for the rest of my life. my social life, such as it was, was mostly dead, a lot of stuff I used to do for fun was much harder to manage. I'm still spending a ton of time at home (not even counting covid) and I have bad days where I feel terrible and can't do much. but I'll come back to that

I think most of us remember 2016. the year tv show runners fully embraced the bury your gays trope (and sometimes the fridging trope at the same time as a bonus!) and, by autostraddle's tally, 30 queer female characters in tv shows died. and then on top of that we had the actual real world tragedy of the pulse nightclub shootings. it was a massively depressing time all around for queer people

s5 of poi aired that year. I know people have different opinions on s5 of poi, and that's valid. I hated it. and I really intensely hated how it treated root and shaw. there aren't enough words to express how fucking angry I was after s5. or rather, there are 319,678 words.

I wrote a fic many of you may have read called sliding towards chaos that rewrote the entirety of poi from mid-s3 onwards. it got pretty popular lol. I put so much into writing it, too. it was basically a second full time job for me and a great way to take my mind off the fact I was still having health problems and all the crazy shit going on in the world (we had a presidential election in the US in 2016 :)))) it did not go well!)

i'm very proud of writing stc, and even if I think it isn't my strongest writing (which is good! improving over time is good!), it was what really connected me to a lot of other people in the fandom. I felt part of the fandom community in a way I hadn't with carmilla and it was an intensely queer community built around shared interests

one of the problems with finding queer friend groups out in the 'real world' is you're often gathering to meet based on the uniting factor of being queer, and your interests may vary greatly. fandom is amazing because it lets you find queer people who you share all these interests with and who you can bond with over them and collaborate with and that's just so so important. does fandom have a ton of issues and toxicity and bigotry? yes, absolutely. but it also has so much good to offer

through stc and later fics I became close friends with some really really cool people in the fandom (including my favorite writer and my favorite artist). these are people I'm still very close friends with. some of them I've hung out with offline and the ones I haven't are mostly because they live too far away. after years of not having my own queer circle of friends I have found one again and one I can usually participate in even with my health problems and that is such an important thing to me

on a creative front, the fic writing and the gif making I've done have both taught me an enormous amount and been a very positive part of my life. working collaboratively on comics has been one of the coolest things I've done. there is just so much good that came out of me seeing one shoot gif on tumblr dot com years ago and being like hmm looks gay I'm in

and in terms of the actual content of the show, I think a lot of the reason I was drawn to it (other than my lingering crush on fred from angel) was that root and shaw felt so uniquely and wonderfully queer in a way few f/f ships I'd seen had before. shaw being bi and reading as aro to me (I've talked about that here) and root being a chaotic computer nerd just felt so relatable to me and their relationship with each other made sense to me in a way that few others had. and the specific draw that they had for some fans probably has a lot to do with why I found friends in this fandom who I really clicked with

so yeah. I don't know how to sum this up. fandom can be a great way to find your people and engage your creativity and I think that's very sexy

#mp #asks #I added the read more line on mobile so I hope it actually works #personal

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plus-ultra-oof · 3 years

Text

Break Time! | Bokuto & Kuroo | Haikyuu!! | Tickle Fic

A/N: This is one of the fastest things I’ve ever written lol. I love Bokuto and Kuroo’s friendship a lot but this could be read as Bokuroo too.

Disclaimer: Includes swearing and minor spoilers for the timeskip (Kuroo’s future plans are vaguely mentioned)

Summary: Kuroo’s working himself to death with exam season on the horizon and Bokuto has just the idea to “help.”

——————————————————

Upon a third glance at Kuroo in just a few minutes, Bokuto had determined something was wrong. He could hear him sigh and shift in his seat from where he was sat on his bed. It wasn’t in the restless way that Bokuto was feeling right now though. It was a lot more tired. He narrowed his eyes at his friend, taking in his stiff posture and tense jaw. Rubbing his eyes with one hand Kuroo scrubbed an eraser across his paper with the other, the movement far harsher than necessary. He craned his neck to read something out of a textbook and his lips pressed into a thin line as he tried to comprehend it. The near silence in the room aside from his friend’s quiet frustration was honestly freaking Bokuto out.

When he’d shown up at the other captain’s front door, he’d been ready to go get food, screw around in his backyard, and maybe see an action movie or something. They’d planned this for weeks in advance —their schedules were both pretty packed— and as far as Bokuto knew they were both really looking forward to it. He’d prepared to just mess around and have some simple fun, so he was really surprised when Kuroo opened the door with a tight frown on his lips and not at all dressed for a day out.

“Bo?” Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows as his arms came up to cross over his chest, “what are you-“ Realization took over his features and after a few mumbled curses to himself, Kuroo opened the door further and let him in. The house was the same as Bokuto remembered it: Clean, but still clearly lived in. The mild clutter was charming in its own way and Bokuto had seen it when he’d visited his friend in the past. Kuroo himself was actually the only thing that seemed different.

His hair was messier than usual somehow and the beginnings of dark circles were smudged under his eyes. Instead of his usually clean and neat clothes, he was in a ratty white t-shirt and some old looking red sweats with “Nekoma” written down the sides in faded white block letters. It wasn’t just that though, all of his apologies and attempts at conversation also seemed off as he led Bokuto up the stairs to his room. Like his heart wasn’t really in it with his mind so preoccupied.

“Sorry man, I completely forgot, my bad it’s just-“ he cut himself off with a sigh as he heavily dropped into his desk chair. Bokuto felt overwhelmed just looking at the numerous stacks of heavy books lining the desk, so of course he hadn’t protested when his friend asked for another hour to finish up. He hadn’t been excited to sit and do nothing for an hour, but even he wasn’t going to complain when the usually cool and collected guy seemed so frazzled.

So after running back down to the kitchen to grab some snacks, he’d settled down on Kuroo’s bed to wait, scrolling aimlessly through his phone to try and quell his boredom and keep his restlessness at bay for a bit.

That, of course, didn’t work for long. After maybe 50 minutes —a new record!— he started stealing glances at Kuroo over his phone and as time continued to pass he became more and more concerned. He could practically feel the stress rolling off him in waves as he flipped through another workbook, so Bokuto did the only thing he could think to do at the moment, with what little information he had on whatever was happening; He messaged Kenma.

After tapping out a simple “whats wrong with Kuroo?” he’d set his phone down, not expecting much from it. Even though he barely contacted the guy on his own, Bokuto knew Kenma was terrible at responding to anyone who wasn’t Hinata. This obviously meant his chances of getting a reply before the day ended were slim. He practically jumped to grab his phone when it lit up again, only minutes after sending the message. Pretty damn fast for Kenma of all people.

From Kozume Kenma:

entrance exams. he’s been like that all week.

Ohhhhh. That made sense. Bokuto looked over at Kuroo again, as he glared down at his calculator, a new kind of disdain burning in his eyes. Bokuto hadn’t given the exams much thought honestly, but to Kuroo they surely mattered a lot.

When Kuroo told him that he was going to be quitting Volleyball once they graduated to pursue a career in the marketing side of things, Bokuto’d both understood completely and not gotten it at all.

He’d never really know how anyone could give up something that gave him such a thrill and brought him such joy. Sure, Nekoma wasn’t exactly a powerhouse school, but Kuroo was still a damn good blocker. He surely could’ve made it onto at least a division 2 team if he tried. Still, his friend was different. He wanted something else and that was okay. What wasn’t okay was the fact that he seemed set on working himself to death for it.

To Kozume Kenma:

k im gonna fix him

This time the reply was instantaneous. A simple “good luck” that felt suspiciously like Kenma doubting him. He scoffed, looking over at Kuroo again. The guy was probably even more tired than he looked. Koutaro could definitely take him in the messed up state he was in. Then again, he was incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be.

Bokuto glanced down at his phone. He’d already gone 20 minutes over the promised hour. That plus the whole week Kenma described had to be enough time for now. Going for that long without a real break sounded insane to Bokuto, and there was no way it was healthy either.

“Hey Kuroo,” Bokuto called, sitting up and grabbing his phone after sending a final text off to Kenma (An assortment of emojis portraying his confidence and competence at the given task). When his eyes fell on Kuroo, he hadn’t moved at the sound of his name.

“Kuroo?” He tried again. Still no response. It seemed the blocker was lost in his own world of textbooks and pages on pages of meticulous notes. Bokuto practically shuddered at the sight. He didn’t know how his friend could stare at all of that for so long.

Standing and taking a few steps away from the bed landed him right behind the desk chair. He frowned. Kuroo still hadn’t even noticed him moving around. Then he reached across the desk to retrieve a different colored pen and an idea popped into his head. Bokuto, always quite the impulsive person, followed it without question.

He quietly set his phone down on the opposite side of the desk to free his other hand and then reached out and jabbed him in the ribs on both sides. The action was instantly rewarded with a jolt and a squeak from Kuroo, a clatter from his pencil when it fell from his hand, and a loud triumphant laugh from Bokuto himself. Kuroo whipped around, scowling, “What the hell, man?”

“Your hour is way up bro,” Kuroo raised an eyebrow at him and scrambled for his phone. Once he found it beneath a large stack of colorful print outs, Bokuto saw the suspicion and slight annoyance in his eyes turn into guilt.

“Shit,” he turned to actually face him and Bokuto could see the way his shoulders sagged and his hands fidgeted in his lap in a very un-Kuroo-like fashion, “I’m sorry Bo,”

Koutaro gave him a bright smile in an extra effort to assuage his guilt, “It’s no problem, we can just go now!” He exclaimed, straightening and nodding at the door. Kuroo hesitated at that but before he could say anything, Bokuto’s phone chimed from its place on the desk. It lit up for both of them to see and Kuroo’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Why’s Kenma texting you?” He asked. A hint of his usual smirk flashed across his face as he peered at the deadpan emoticon, familiar and characteristic of his childhood friend. Bokuto bristled at the question. Why wouldn’t Kenma text him? Sure they weren’t exactly close, but Kuroo didn’t need to look so smug about it!

“I text a lot of people!” He replied, tucking his arms to his chest petulantly, “and you were busy,” he added before he could think better of it.

Kuroo immediately deflated at the reminder of his work. The glimmer of his usual playful self vanishing as he looked back over at his collection of practice booklets and papers and whatever else was strewn across his desk. Then he bit his cheek, and Bokuto knew he was going to argue before he even forced it out.

“Bo, I should probably keep going,” Kuroo frowned, his words almost pained, as if just the idea of going back to studying hurt him. That was what really solidified everything in Bokuto’s mind, “Maybe we can-“

“Nope,” Bokuto said succinctly before launching his attack with the overwhelming energy of a hyperactive athlete who’d just sat in one place for way too long. Kuroo squirmed in place as the spiker snuck a hand up his side. He was unable to stop from giggling already, too caught off guard by the suddenness.

“W-Whahahat the fuhuhuck, Bokuto?”

Bokuto shrugged and used his other hand to scribble at his neck. He made no effort to hide his shit eating grin when his friend squeaked in response, attempting to lean away in the chair, “You’ve been doing this for wayyyy to long,” he chuckled, grin only widening when the best defense Kuroo could muster was to slap at his wrists. Weak at best, but compared to his usual struggle, it was even more lackluster for the self proclaimed provocation master, “You can barely even fight back!”

“Shuhut uhuhup- Bohoho!” Kuroo’s volume went up in slight alarm. Bokuto grabbed onto his arm, using it to pull him out of his chair while simultaneously continuing his attack on his waist. Then he sent him falling back into his bed with a gentle shove, easily maneuvering him into a semi-pinned position with a practiced grace. Now with one of his arms held firmly away from his side, Tetsuro was feeling a lot more vulnerable. The shift was evidenced in the more frantic giggling as he tried to muster enough energy to pull away from Bokuto’s playful torment.

“Don’t worry, we can get you some barbecue! It’ll fix you right up!” Bokuto exclaimed, as if he wasn’t currently digging his wriggling fingers into Kuroo’s stomach to make him shriek louder. Still, he shook his head wildly.

“Ngh- ahahah ihihi- ihihihi neheheed to stuhuDy!” He tried, his voice shooting up an octave when Bokuto decided that the dips in his hip bones were a suitable place to grab and squeeze. Damn Bokuto and his stupidly extensive knowledge of this particular weakness.

“Mmm no,” Bokuto responded, slowing his fingers to fluttery circle to let the other captain breathe, “From what I hear you’ve already done way too much of that! It’s break time!” Kuroo took in the extra air greedily. As he did, he leveled his friend with an incredulous stare.

“How did you even-?” Kuroo started before his expression dropped and his eyes darkened in realization. His gaze went back up to Bokuto’s face where he was leaning over him curiously, “Kenma,”

“Yup,” Kotarou laughed boisterously and nodded his confirmation, “This is an intervention man,” The blocker scowled and started to say something that sounded like the word “traitor” but he was quickly cut off by his own hysterical giggling. The break was over, and Bokuto had decidedly shoved his hands higher to scratch at his friend’s ribs at the sign of continued resistance.

“He- aHA shihit! Hehehe’s lying!” Kuroo yelled through his laughter, desperately trying to catch Bokuto’s wrists as his hands seemed to continue crawling their way up his torso, “Lehehehet mehe uhuhup!”

Bokuto scoffed and smirked at his panicked movements, “Not a chance,” His hands didn’t pause for a second as they avoided Kuroo’s grasp. When they honed in on the space between his top two ribs he threw his head back with a helpless cackle. Bokuto had to bite down on a fond smile at the sound, “Now come on! Just say you’re gonna stop overworking yourself and come get food with your best friend!”

“KehenmahaAh’s my behest friehehend!” Kuroo jeered defiantly, apparently still sassy despite everything. Bokuto narrowed his eyes and dug into his ribs harder, making him throw his head back with the force of his laughter.

“Rude,” If Kuroo wasn’t so busy dying, he would’ve teased Kotarou for the childish pout on his face, “but fine, your second best friend,” he corrected laboriously, as if the Nekoma student was in any place to properly respond to him.

“Gahahahah yohou’re ridihiculous!”

“Blah blah blah, let’s go get food Kurooooo!”

“I hahave to- wahahait! No no no Bo DoHON’T!” The resounding screech that Kuroo let out when Bokuto’s fingers finally made contact with the soft skin of his underarms was priceless. He fell into a fit of insane laughter as the other captain watched proudly. His hyena laugh even made an appearance, sending Bokuto himself into manic giggling as he set about driving his friend crazy. “BWAHAHAHA NOHOHO NAHA BOHOHO!”

“What was that?” He teased watching as any final hope of escape fell away, leaving Kuroo a laughing mess. His hair was skewed all of the place along with his clothes that had ridden up in his struggles. His face was bright red, from embarrassment, laughter, or both Bokuto didn’t know, but it was entertaining any way. It was also comforting to see that even in his almost catatonic pre exam state, his friend was still capable of loosing himself in something as simple as tickling.

“FIHIHINE! FINE FINE FIHIHINE!” Kuroo screamed, giving up his pride at last. Anything was worth it at this point just to stop the sensations taking over his brain. All he could think of was the way Bokuto’s deft fingers were scribbling over his underarms and how no matter how he jerked or squirmed or squeezed his arms to his sides it just wouldn’t stop. He could never handle being tickled there long and Bokuto was taking full advantage of that information, “AHAH YOHOHOU- GahHAH YOU WIHIHIN DAMNIT JUHUHUST STAHAHAP!”

Bokuto shot up from the bed, stopping to throw his arms up in a cheer. His loud shout of “HEY HEY HEY!” in victory was lost on Kuroo though. He was too busy trying to catch his breath where he laid K.O.ed on his bed. Still, when Bokuto finished celebrating and turned back to him he looked better. Still tired, but significantly less stressed out of his mind.

Even as he punched him in the shoulder in revenge, his posture had relaxed and there was a wide grin left on his face. And as the last of his giggles faded away, Bokuto was inclined to believe that it was genuine.

“Come on bro, I wanna go check out the new Rec center by the park!” Bokuto yelled, earning a raised eyebrow from Kuroo as he moved around his room, picking out new clothes for their outing. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into his laundry basket before turning to face him.

“I thought you said we were getting barbecue?” He asked, amusement coloring his tone as he picked up a new shirt. Bokuto smirked.

“Both,” he replied, squeezing Kuroo’s sides as he lifted his arms to put it on. He laughed loudly, batting his hands away and shaking his head.

“Ahaha enouhough!” He giggled, taking a few shaky breaths. Then his taunting tone returned at last, “As long as you’re paying man,” His usual smirk was now secured back in its place, for better or for worse.

Then he ducked into the bathroom just in time to avoid Bokuto’s distressed groan. Rest In Peace his wallet.

Still though, he was admittedly happy that Kuroo was back to normal, even if that meant that he was back to being a stingy jerk.

#Bokuto Koutaro #Kuroo Tetsuro #ticklish!Kuroo #haikyuu! tickle fic #tickle fic #tickle #tickling #tickles #fanfic #thanks for reading

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the-hopeless-haze · 3 years

Text

Somebody Sit in My Chair and Ruin My Sleep (Being Alive Ch 15)

A/N: Idk how I feel about this chapter but here u go I guess lol

Previous Chapter

content warnings: implied smut

WC: 1.9k

Rafael didn’t have any idea what he was walking into on Monday morning, but Jesus Christ, the fact that you let the squad know what happened - down to the very last detail, it seemed - was a horror show. Amanda avoids him in some show of female solidarity, Nick shoots him sympathetic looks, and Sonny - fucking Sonny asks Rafael how he is and won’t stop asking how you were, if he’d heard from you.

But why should he expect mercy from the woman who turned down his proposal?

And maybe he deserved it. Maybe he should’ve tried to read the room instead of just pushing forward. You had been right - that night certainly wasn’t the prime time for a proposal in the slightest. Hindsight is always 20/20, and he keeps remembering moments where you were slipping away inch by inch like sand past his fingertips, and he can’t believe how stupid he was that he chose to swallow it down and chalk it up as nothing instead of sitting down and actually talking to you.

Still, communication is a two way street, and instead of sending him vague signals that he was too obtuse to decipher, you could’ve sat down and talked to him too.

It’s so much easier to assign blame than take it, isn’t it?

Ultimately, though, he just couldn’t believe you weren’t on the same page as him. Didn’t you always say you wanted all these things? Weren’t you happy that Rafael finally felt he was ready, too? Perhaps though, in the midst of all his internal turmoil he truly forgot to assess your feelings on the matter. Yes, you said you wanted children, yes, your parents constantly threw comments his way about settling down with you, and yes, you’d told him on multiple occasions he wasn’t too old to get married if that’s truly what he wanted.

But where was your actual opinion on marrying him in any of this? It was lost in between the need you no doubt felt to constantly comfort Rafael about his current misgivings and past misfortunes and your parents’ well-meaning but busy-bodied comments. It was clouded by Rafael’s own mother’s opinions, and hell, even Sonny’s - everyone was so afraid Rafael was going to lose you that they pressured him into offering you a ring and a promise of forever - but little did anyone know that by doing just that... he had in fact lost you anyway.

His mother was devastated, weeping about how you would’ve made such a lovely bride, how she was already looking at suits for Rafael and venues for the wedding... he couldn’t handle it and left her apartment after ten minutes of her lamentation. He should’ve never told her, he should’ve never been so sure of what was going on in your head, because now he realizes he never had any idea. No one did.

So now, he snaps at Sonny, because Sonny is guilty by way of telling him “oh sure, she’ll say yes” like anyone knew what the fuck you would do when the question was finally asked. Maybe you didn’t even know until he was down on one knee. Still, Rafael can’t help wondering if things would be different if the car accident never happened - deep down, he knows there were signs you were pulling away after Thanksgiving, but it’s so much easier to blame Sonny for it. You wouldn’t have sunk so low in a deep depression if you could’ve worked, if you weren’t immobilized by your injury... but would you have loved Rafael enough anyway?

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Rafael hisses at the younger detective. “You’ve been talking my ear off all morning.”

“Whoa, Barba, wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or what? I was just getting you up to speed on the case—“

“I’ve read the file. You don’t need to.”

“Fine. Liv’s in her office but I suggest cooling the attitude, because she’s not in a good mood either. Noah was sick and kept her up all night.”

“Lovely.”

And then, by some sick twist of fate, you walk through the door, and Rafael’s stomach turns. Never did you look so gorgeous, so beautiful, so fucking untouchable than you did now. It’s the first time in weeks he’s seen you in a blazer and slacks, the first time he’s seen you look like you gave a shit in months. And maybe that’s unfair - you were struggling, per your own admission - but it almost feels like all you had to do was lose the weight of Rafael and all his baggage that came with being in a relationship with him, and you were good as new.

He wonders how many of his exes could tell a similar story to yours, if that were truly the case.

You meet his eyes for a split second and he wants to drop dead. You give him a haughty smirk and head over to Amanda’s desk, turning your back to him.

Why couldn’t you just fucking leave like you’d said you would? It’d be so much easier if you did just go back home but like everything else that came out of your mouth that was merely a half baked promise you had no intention of making good on.

And maybe Rafael should’ve called you this weekend, but he couldn’t swallow his pride and come back to you with his tail between his legs after you rejected the proposal he’d worked all his life to be able to give. You never called him either, but if this was going to go anywhere, someone would have to talk first.

But shouldn’t it have to be you? You’re the one who asked for space. He’s giving it. What the fuck else was he supposed to do?

But now that you’re not living with him, now that you’re not even with him at all, you’re completely unpredictable. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d come over to him and Sonny, flash him your best sardonic lipglossed smile, and ask to borrow Sonny for a moment.

Rafael can’t even think straight, he can barely breathe, the rage coming up like bile and tightening his throat. How could you stand there and act like nothing was different now?

“Sure,” he snaps.

“Whoa, no need for the attitude, Rafael,” you say sweetly. “We can all play nice, right?”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything… he just shakes his head and walks to Olivia’s office. How could you compartmentalize like that, he’d love to know. Wasn’t this killing you, too?

The rest of the day proves to go by smoother, thankfully, albeit minor annoyances that come up like a snippy altercation with Olivia due to both of their bad moods and a taxi driver haggling him about the fare. Rafael still cannot wait to come back to his office and savor his fourth cup of coffee today after running around the city all morning, put his feet up and do some paperwork…

But you’re there, in his chair, with your feet up on his desk.

��Get out,” Rafael says before you can utter a word.

“I want to talk,” you say innocently.

“I don’t. Get out. Who the hell let you in here?”

“Carmen, duh. She still thinks we’re together, apparently.”

“Do I have to call security?”

You stare at him blankly. “You’d really call security?”

Rafael rolls his eyes, throws his briefcase on a nearby chair. “What the hell do you want?”

“Where do we go from here?”

“Nowhere. You ended it.”

“Okay, no, I just said I needed space. I didn’t end it--”

“Right. I need to work.”

“Okay. We’ll meet later then,” you nod, standing up.

“I didn’t agree--”

“I’ll be back in a few hours. I got to head back to the precinct in fifteen minutes anyway.”

Rafael hates doing this, showing a moment of vulnerability, but he has to ask, “Are you staying? In New York, I mean.”

“For now,” you say, softening too. “Obviously. I talked to Liv for a long time, talked to my dad.. And… I don’t know if being back home is the best course for me either. I’m just trying to get back to some semblance of normal, you know?”

“Right.”

“I’ll see you,” you say, walking past him and leaving his office.

How many years would it be before he did figure you out?

------

The two of you don’t really talk much at first when you reunite later on that evening. Rafael draws the shades in his office, and it’s all pulling at clothes, at skin, at hair and you’re not proud of it but you also don’t really regret that you let it get that far. You missed him, in an annoyingly cloying way, and what was better than makeup sex when the two of you were still pissed off at each other?

“You need…. You need to go to therapy,” Rafael pants after coming down from his high.

You have to laugh at that. Maybe that was only the 7th most offensive thing someone had said to you after sex. And, annoyingly, he was right, even if his delivery and timing could’ve been light years better.

“Mm. I know,” you tell him, pulling him in to kiss him again, his sweaty chest sticking to your back as you pull off him to lay, or rather squeeze next to him on the couch.

“You need to--”

“Let’s not get into the shit I need to do right now, okay? I know I have things to sort out. So do you.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m trying to help, and I’m trying to understand, but--”

“Right now… don’t. Just fuck me like that again.”

Rafael chuckles - damn, it was only two days and you missed his laugh that much? It just tugs on your heartstrings in the worst way, but you suppose it proves how much you love him, how you couldn’t just put this down. You hated being the first to let your guard down, to bring yourself to his office not once but twice… but you couldn’t bear to lose him, either, and you’d hurt him where no one else had. It had to be you who offered a new start.

“I need to eat, mujer. And as tempting as that sounds… we need a change in location anyway.”

You nod in assent. “Fine.”

Neither of you get much sleep that night, as you split a bottle of wine and a pizza and talk, cry, fuck, whatever… but it’s a long sleepless night you wouldn’t have traded for the world. Things are different between you two, naturally, but something has to be shed to grow, and maybe you left some good things behind along with the bad things, but it’s how these things go. You can’t expect a relationship to be standing firm after a rejected proposal. For the moment, you’re just happy the two of you found a way to get back up.

As you curl into Rafael’s arms at four in the morning, you don’t feel at peace - lord knows you still have so many things to worry about - but you do feel better, and if that’s all you can get right now, you had to be okay with that.

Taglist (ask if you wanted to be added!) @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes @thatesqcrush @law-nerd105 @blackeyedangel9805 @moon-river-drifter @the-baby-bookworm @dianilaws @xecq @lv7867 @teddybluesclues @averyhotchner @houseofthirst @stardust-fray

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #barba x reader #barba #Law & Order SVU #SVU fanfiction #rafael barba x you #barba x you

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