#but the whole 'trying to relive something that happened in the past instead of just moving on and doing new things' thing

[oldstateofmind]

nobody else can heal it (but you) [part l]

➜ pairing: miguel o’hara x fem!reader ➜ warnings: spoilers from ATSV, a bit of angst cause i’m human, violence, torture, hanahaki disease but make it nightmares instead. english is not my first language. ➜ words: 4.3k ➜ a/n:  I’ve watched this movie 3 times by now because I’m obsessed with Miguel. His character is so interesting and captivating, he’s so grumpy and sad and that just makes me wanna fix him. Ugh, I have a soft spot for anti-heroes. And being voiced by Oscar Isaac is the icing on the cake. This first part sets the tone because I just can’t jump straight to smut, but I promise I’ll compensate next chapter.

chapter l. bad disease

For too long, you've been yearning for Miguel; only to be trapped in an endless nightmare. While awake, you had to live with the fact that he was out of reach – tearing your soul apart. While sleeping, violence and death had his face – tearing your whole being apart. No matter when or where; you were maimed by the same man.

Ao3

l.

It starts with a hiss; then a shadow moving in the corner of your vision.

In the dark, cold envelops your body; chilling to the bone. It’s awfully quiet besides the continuous dripping of water in the distance, the echoes of each drop remind you of a ticking clock; counting the time you’ve left – for what, however, you’re not really sure.

You rub your arms in an attempt to bring a bit of warmth back to your skin, and as always, it’s useless. It seems like a forever winter inside the place you’ve found yourself in for the past 2 weeks. 

What once started as a nightmare that made you wake up in the middle of the night, now plagues your mind every time you close your eyes. There’s no escape from it, no matter how hard you try. You’re more than tired, it’s exhausting not getting more than 3 hours of sleep when your job requires attention and disposition.

Even the pills Lyla gave you last time you were at the HQ didn’t work – actually, they made it even worse. Because then, your body was completely knocked out while your mind was terribly awake, reliving the scene over and over again. You threw them down the drain once you woke up. Never again.

And even though you already know what happens by now, it is still dreadful to wait for the nightmare to unfound. Your senses are hyper-aware of every single tiny sound, every movement in the dark. 

There’s something poetic in the way you can feel him move even with your eyes closed; the way you could recognize the pattern of his breathing in the distance even when fear creeps into your brain. Your spider-sense tingles as his heavy steps are headed toward you, it screams danger. Goosebumps break out across your body, sending a small, cold shiver through your spine. 

Red is the first thing you see. And also the last.

-

“...to Y/N.” Someone is calling you in the distance, but the hazy feeling of the nightmare still lingers within you. It’s hard to focus when your brain still hasn’t turned off properly for weeks, still trapped in whatever curse this is.

“Earth to Y/N, is anyone there?” There’s a snap in front of your eyes, and you suddenly flinch with the unexpected sound. The touch on your shoulder grounds you a bit.

You blink your eyes, rubbing them in an attempt to brush off the dreadful feeling still creeping into the back of your mind. As your eyes adjust to reality, Gwen’s face is filled with concern.

“I’m sorry, guys.” It’s the only thing you manage to say, how could you possibly begin to explain what’s been happening?

“You’ve lost your cue twice now, what’s happening with you today?” The girl presses, still holding onto your shoulder. And for that, you’re grateful. 

Not getting enough sleep has been causing you to lose grip on reality – and that scares you the most. Not being able to tell if the sounds are coming from your head or from somewhere else. Or worse, having to avoid him because it’s unbearable the feeling that eats you from the inside out; the sense of fight or flight kicking in every time you hear his voice. Not tolerating being in his company as shadows follow you around like a ghost, tormenting you into remembering.

And it’s just not fair. 

“Nothing!” You say, adjusting the bass strap on your shoulder. Hesitating on letting you go, Gwen squeezes your arm before retracting her hand. You try to smile, “I’m good. I…I’m good.”

The smile stretched for too long, awkwardly pulling your face into a grin rather than a genuine beam. The avoidance of looking at the member of the band doesn’t really back you up on your lies. You hear Hobie huff in annoyance, while Gwen’s piercing gaze still hasn’t left your face. You feel slightly guilty about keeping your nightmares a secret, but it’s not like they would understand, would they?

After all, Miguel O’Hara was a difficult subject for you to talk about.

“I know that look, I have seen it in the mirror quite a few times,” The girl admits. And you knew it was true.

When Gwen joined the Spider Society just a few months ago, the melancholy gloom that followed her was palpable. The teary eyes whenever someone asked about her life, the avoidance of returning to her world, always crashing at yours or Hobie’s. Her father was a tough subject on which she never really dwelled, too painful to remember.  

However, even if she could relate to the feeling of losing sleep over someone, she wouldn’t understand how it felt to be torn apart by your own brain, to have precious memories distorted in a sick and twisted nightmare that was a culmination of your worst fears. To know it was coming and having no power to stop it. And all the while having the face of the person you cared about the most in the world, in all universes.

No, no one could begin to understand. 

You bit your lips, signing in defeat, “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“That’s rubbish. Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” Hobie chimes in, crossing his arms over his chest. He raises his eyebrow, seeing through your facade without breaking a sweat.

“You’re not even glowing like you usually do!” Pavitr shouts from the audience, waving his hand toward you. Sometimes he would come by to watch the band practice, but today you had not even seen him coming, which was a terrible sign because Pavitr always made an entrance when he stopped by.

“I thought you would be grateful for that.” You scoff.

“Hey, you can’t blame me! My eyes are sensitive.”

The typical headache starts to pound in your head like a thousand bells ringing directly in your ear. It’s disorientating the way your senses feel out of place – like a fish out of the water. Not even having superpowers was helping you stay afloat. 

You took pride in being a Spider Woman, doing your job as best as you could so that at the end of the day, Miguel would see you. Your talent, your dedication. But lately, you feel yourself falling further down in his list. And it hurts.

“It’s just that–” You sigh, rubbing your eyes again, foolishly trying to make the pain go away. The ache in your head was bad, but the one in your heart could bring you to your knees. “I’m not getting much sleep these last few weeks.”

Gwen snaps her fingers excitedly, “You should try one of those pills they hand over at the–” 

“No!” You shout before you can stop yourself; memories flood your troubled mind. The blood, the screams. Talons ripping flesh, pain consuming your body and soul. But the worst of all; his words. Gwen stops in her tracks, caught off guard by your sudden outburst. The guilty eat you away. 

“I mean, I–I’ve tried it,” You whisper, the lump forming in your throat makes it hard to say a single word, “but they… didn’t work for me.” 

The trembling of your hands caught everyone’s attention. And It’s just too much.

“I’m sorry.” Whispering, you turn around to hide your face. You take the bass strap from your shoulder and place the instrument in its case. “Let’s just wrap this up, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”

“Oi, Y/N,” Hobie calls for you, but you’re already grabbing your coat and heading toward the door. “We are here to help you, it’s what a band is about, innit?” 

You look over your shoulder at them, heart aching at the thought of leaving them with no explanation – as a frightened animal, cornered with nowhere to run, all bite and no apologies.

“Right,” You agree but vanish in thin air seconds later.

ll.

Time becomes its own entity when you lose track of it. It’s another late hour, probably somewhere between 3 AM, and the coffee you got from your favorite spot in town is hot against your cold fingers. You dangle your feet at the edge of a building, admiring the view of a sleepy neighbor – no matter the time, New York is always full of light. 

It’s been a few days since you left the rehearsal in a hurry, the band has been trying to get in touch with you but you’ve been avoiding taking their calls and answering their texts – you’ve been avoiding a lot of things lately. 

Like swinging in the middle of the traffic, as an example. Something that came naturally, but now it has become too dangerous. The notion of space and distance have been lost days ago together with the full awareness of your surroundings. You’ve been trying to do your job, but it has become almost impossible to pay attention to your movements when the heaviness of your limbs begs for you to slow down.

There’s also Lyla, who you've lost count of how many times she chimed in while you were working, telling you about a meeting that you had missed out on. Not that it was totally required to be there, but if once you counted the days to be in the same room as Miguel, just so you could see him, now you avoided it like the plague. 

You haven’t heard from him ever since you disappeared – only stopping by the HQ when extremely necessary – so you might not be in that much trouble. However, it definitely did some heavy damage to your heart noticing how O’Hara didn’t really need or wanted to see you in the first place. Not even a call, not even a message.

And that was devastating. 

For too long, you've been yearning for Miguel; only to be trapped in an endless nightmare. While awake, you had to live with the fact that he was out of reach – tearing your soul apart. While sleeping, violence and death had his face – tearing your whole being apart. No matter when or where; you were maimed by the same man.

Blowing out your coffee, you sigh. The lack of sleep has been taking a toll on you. It started off as simply missing the timing from one building to another, and now you can feel the nasty bruise forming on the side of your hip. Actually, your body now looks like it has been painted black and blue with the number of bruises it’s collecting. 

And you still can’t find the answer, nor any clue on how to make them go away. It will kill you eventually, you’re sure of that. It was just a matter of time now. Maybe then you could finally rest.

The bitter taste of the coffee spreads in your tongue and you welcome the caffeine with open arms. You’ve been trying to stay awake for the most part of the day, only hitting the bed when you’re completely and absolutely worn out. It does give you a few more minutes, but as the sun comes down and another moon appears, you can feel yourself slipping away, getting fewer and fewer hours of sleep, and slowly descending to madness as the nightmares start to feel more vivid, clouding your judgment.

Maybe you should ask for help, after all. 

As a result of a very slow mind, it takes you more than it should to sense a new presence on the rooftop with you. Startled, the hair on the back of your neck stands up. You quickly throw away the coffee, lamenting not being able to finish it. 

You pull your mask down; if it was another one of those villains of the week the guy was fucked because you had run out of patience. “Honestly, I’m in a really bad mood today,” You say to whoever is hiding in the shadows, your senses tingling as the figure slowly walks towards you, “No tricks, please. Let’s do this quickly.” 

The movement stops, and you roll your eyes in annoyance. Another guy who thinks that making a scary little entrance will impress you. You’re about to make a joke when the shadow speaks, making your heart stop for a second.

“Y/N.”

The cold creeps in underneath the flesh, freezing your blood and yourself in place. All the hair in your body stands up as your body tenses with trepidation and fear. There it was again, that voice that haunts you night and day. 

No, please. I’m awake, aren't I?”

It was hard to tell, as your surrounding started to blur; the sound of the street and surroundings go silent, as the only focus of your mind is the man in front of you and the way his eyes glow scarlet against the dark of the night. Your heart hammers your chest so furiously you’re afraid it might break free. 

“Y/N.” 

Miguel calls out for you again, his tone nothing more than a whisper. But you have seen this scene before; a hundred times you’ve heard those same words roll out of his tongue as if it disgusted him – as if you didn’t deserve to be mentioned it.

You flinch as he steps forward, memories of talons ripping your skin apart make you fight against the rising panic; the outcome of the nightmare is inevitable, you’ve tried to change it, but the aftermath was always the same; killed by the man you loved the most.

“Stay away from me,” You warned him. It was useless when fate seemed to have your lines already written, with no chance to change the full stop by a coma. “Please, stay away from me.”

Miguel stops, the glowing of his suit hurts your eyes. You can’t see his expression, there’s a dark shadow covering his face, but the red tint gives his demeanor a haunting feeling – another shiver runs down your spine. Your vision starts to blur; the fine line between reality and dreamland crashes together in your mind. Nothing feels real, the foggy state of mind wraps around you, gradually taking over your sanity.

So you flee. Or at least you try. 

Before you could jump from the building, Miguel’s strong hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you directly in his direction. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, and quickly you are able to untangle yourself from his grip, kicking him in the process. 

“Y/N.” You know it’s his voice, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it. It’s disconnected from the man you’ve grown to love. Dread gnawed at your insides as the nightmare turns into another torture section. His mouth is moving but you can’t make up the words; every sound gets lost in the loud rush of blood in your ears.

Not that you need it, anyway. You’ve been living the same dialogue over and over again to know like the back of your hand.

“Don’t hurt me again,” You plea, raw panic in your voice. Your mind is erratic, coming up with ideas on how to escape, but your body doesn’t follow the same line of thinking, “Please, I’m so tired.”

But it’s all in vain; the man bolts in your direction like an animal ready to devour its prey. You find yourself half mad with terror – your throat tightens as anxiety eclipsed your thoughts. 

Before Miguel can get to you, you attack. 

It never works as the man is way above your abilities, but you try – anything to be freed from having another slow, painful death. Gathering the last of your strength, you shoot a web that miraculously lands on his foot and it sticks to the ground. Quickly, you jump from one wall to another, landing a kick on his chest. 

It doesn’t do anything more than startle the man, but it gives you enough time to soar across the night sky, landing on another rooftop. The glowing of your watch catches your attention. Usually, you don’t have it with you, nightmares don’t really give you the option to flee. 

But it seems this one does. 

“Y/N!” Miguel roars. In the slip second your eyes had darted toward the gadget, the man had torn apart the single web holding him in place. He huffs, shoulders hunched forward as tension grows between you both. 

Against your better judgment, you shot him a glance. And like magnets, his eyes find yours in mi the sea of lights that only New York could offer.

You press the bottom, eyes fixed on the man coming towards you like a bolt. His talons cut the air in front of your eyes – almost like a kiss – the petrifying realization makes you fall on your back towards the portal. 

Then everything turns black.

lll.

When you open your eyes again, you’re absolutely and awfully exhausted. The weight of your body holds you down against the cold floor, almost as if it didn’t belong to you anymore. You had lost ownership after not taking care of it. Your eyelids are heavy, and for a moment you consider just going back to sleep, finally giving in to the sweet taste of relief. 

But then, the warnings in the back of your mind start to go off, and you remember why you can’t. Grunting, you take off your mask and pick yourself up. There was no rest for you, not until you find out what the hell happened. And if it was all in your mind, of if Miguel was there. 

Because that definitely didn’t feel like a dream. The phantom feeling of his fingers wrapped around your wrist still lingered, and the intensity of his gaze still made you shrink. A chill runs down your spine in trepidation. If he was really there were the nightmares just a premonition of the future?

No. Miguel would never do that. 

Even though he didn’t… like you as you liked him, the man didn’t have a single motive to want you dead. Miguel was many things, but mostly he was righteous. Dedicated to his job in an unhealthy, and obsessive way? Yes. However, he still had kindness hidden underneath his scowl, and even though his heart was mostly painted black by the loss of his old life, it still beat for the new ones the Spider Society protected. Besides, he still had some humor in him; a completely dated and cringe type of humor, but there.

And every time it made an appearance, you would find it adorable. A tiny smile appears on your lips. How could you not treasure every moment with him when it was all so rare? 

“Y/N?” Someone calls for you in the distance. You are still picking yourself up from the floor, the sudden movement makes you dizzy, and nauseous. You’re pretty sure you hit your head. 

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Margo comes into view, she quickly puts one of your arms around her neck and helps you get up. “You look terrible.”

“You should see the other guy,” You try joking around. And even though the blue avatar softly huffs, her expression of concern is serious. You must look worse than you thought. 

Margo helps you get into a chair, gently holding you until you’re comfortable in your seat. “I’m sorry for barging in, I honestly didn’t know where I was going.”

“Where you running from something?” She jokingly asks. She grabs a tablet, reads something on the screen, and goes back to work.

“Yeah,” You groan, running your hand through your hair, “You could say that.”

The room was as quiet as it always was, the only sound coming from the girl who was softly humming a song. Looking around, you notice there was no one around, only the machines as a company. You wondered if Margo ever feel lonely here; the place was big enough to fit a few dozen Spiders, however, it was always deserted. The truth was that no one actually liked to be around villains after they were captured, and sending them home was a dreadful job. Margo was definitely a viable asset to the team. 

You can feel your senses start to relax, the darkroom was a perfect invitation for a well-deserved rest. But with the sleepiness came the loss of concentration, and the last time you let your guard down, you fled from a very real Miguel. 

Small talk would be, then. “So… who’s next?”

Margo picks up her tablet, tapping a few things before showing you a picture. “She calls herself 'Torment'. But you’re probably familiar with her. After all, you and Hobie caught her a few weeks ago.”

Wait. A few weeks ago? That's exactly the time when the nightmares started to occur.

Suddenly, a flashback hits you like a bullet. A purple and blue cloud, the touch of a finger. The laugh.

“Margo, I need to talk to her,” You demand, getting up from your chair as if you had been electrified. The pieces fall into place and make a clear picture. How could you have let this fly over your head? Of course, the nightmares weren’t something normal! It had to be a product of something, or someone. 

“Y/N, I need to send her ho–”

“It’s urgent,” Holding the girl’s hand in yours, you squeeze them in a silent plea, “Please, Margo. Just give me 5 minutes.”

Margo presses her lips together; you must look desperate because she sighs, defeated. Then nods, “Make it quick.” 

“Thank you.” 

-

The Send Home Machine had come out of its cocoon, and now sat atop a circular base; waiting for the command to start the process of pulling the strings to weave the portal back home. You always thought the whole mechanism was a bit too much, but if it worked, then who were you to complain?

Margo brings Torment in, and she immediately recognizes you. 

“Oh, I knew I would see you again!” The woman’s face lights up like a Christmas tree – that couldn't be a good sign. She claps her hands, bouncing on her feet. “Looking for answers, darling?”

A cold shiver runs down your spine, but it’s not fear that spreads through your veins. It’s anger. “What did you do to me?”

The woman laughs, throwing her head back. You can clearly see she was having too much fun with you. “Now you’re interested in what I’ve to say? You didn’t seem that excited when I first came to you and your little friend.”

Your blood boils. If she wasn’t already locked up and ready to be sent home, you would definitely teach her a lesson or two. Your knuckles go white as the woman stares, the smile on her face is disturbing. How could she find pleasure in tormenting someone like that?

The sound of the engine turning startles you, Margo sends you an apologetic look as the machine descends from its place atop the base. You’re getting out of time.

“What do you want?” You shout, desperate. You can’t imagine going another week, another day haunted like this. “Tell me!”

Torment’s stare is piercing, a shadow crosses her face when the smile fades into a thin line. The silence was agonizing, and with each tread of the web, you felt your sanity slipping away. This was your last chance.

“I’m so fucking tired!” You cry out, hitting the glass so hard it almost cracks. “Do you know how it feels to not get a single hour of sleep because your nightmares are too fucking real? Do you have a single idea of how torturing it is to have him, of all people–” Margo was listening, but you didn’t care. You wanted answers and you would get them. “Why him?”

“Poor little thing. You haven’t figured it out yet?” she hums, furrowing her eyebrows. And you hate the look of pity she has on her face. It was her that did this in the first place! “That must be tough, to keep all of that to yourself.”

No one knew about your feelings for Miguel. Well, you had a slight hunch that maybe Peter B. Parker might have noticed it. But otherwise, you kept all to yourself. Treasuring little moments as precious jewelry.

He was your boss! And besides, he was still too caught up in his late family. He would never open his heart again after the tragedy bestowed upon him. You couldn't blame him; a man forever stuck in the past, reliving each moment when he was happy.

However, sometimes, you would catch him looking. Exchange glances in a crowded room; during meetings. You would spend time with him alone; in a comfortable silence hard to find, or in an easy-going atmosphere that left you smiling like an idiot. 

But that was what they were, fleeting moments. And even though sometimes you dreamed about a future where you could give him all the love he deserved, they were just that; silly dreams. There was no space for you in his life. You had accepted that long ago.

“You see, my abilities are a gift,” Torment simply says, still unphased at your suffering. “They search deep in your soul for what you seek the most. The nightmares are just an incentive to make you finally take the big step.”

“What?” A memory comes to the forefront of your mind; a finger touching your forehead, the slight shock that sent you back a few steps. Miguel’s face appears right after the electric feeling dissipates. “What do you mean?”

“You know very well,” There’s some sort of twisted kindness when her smile appears again, it irks you profoundly, “Take care, darling. You can thank me later.”

The machine finishes threading the web, encapsulating the woman inside a honey-colored web. The last thing you see is her waving at you before disappearing into nothing.

Outraged, you punch the glass again, and again. No, no, no. This can’t be happening! That woman must be lying, there’s no way the cure to this torment is–

“Calm down, Y/N!” Margo holds your wrist before you can land another hit. She’s saying something but you can’t hear it. Anxiety takes over your body as you crouch on the floor, hiding your face in your arms. 

You will have to tell Miguel. 

And that was worse than any other nightmare. 

#miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #across the spider verse spoilers #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara fic #sometimes i write

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 8 ~ Panic Room

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 1

✧ Word Count : 4.2k

In this chapter ~ When the group pushed even harder for answers about the outbreak as a whole, Jenner gives them the harsh and ugly truth. One that they clearly weren't expecting to hear. But the man didn't stop there as they were all suddenly locked inside the large building, the entire thing going into self-destruct mode. It left all of them terrified, wondering if there was any way out of the danger they seemed to walk right into.

"Give me a playback of TS-19." Jenner commanded out loud as he walked into the large room.

Our footsteps echoed around the giant space, filled with lines and lines of computers and a giant screen in the middle of the back wall on full display. Everything in here looked expensive and new, like there were many doctors and smart people in here at one point trying to do everything they could when the outbreak hit. I didn't miss the mess that lingered in different places when people obviously began to panic, not knowing how the hell to stop this or what exactly it was. But I hoped that after Jenner stayed here for months, maybe he had come up with some sort of answer.

Suddenly, seconds after Jenner spoke, there was video feedback of different 3-D views of human skulls on the giant screen right in front of us.

"Is that a brain?" Carl asks from beside his mother.

Jenner nodded, "An extraordinary one. Take us in for E.I.V."

The screen then showed the brain having all of these different little blue lights, glowing and flickering in every direction. The stemmed from the front and all the way around to the back, the mind itself looking alive right in front of our eyes. Jenner began to explain to all of us that the lights we see are a person's life, all of their experiences, basically all of the different things that make you unique. But I didn't miss his change in tone when he informed us that the person we were seeing had been bitten, and agreed to have all of this recorded and watched by others for learning purposes.

My eyes stayed firmly on the screen as the man rambled on and on it seemed like, nearly tuning him out as I watched all the once bright blue lights, slowly dim with each passing second. Though it only got faster once Jenner commanded the computer to fast forward through the footage, watching as the person slowly lost their life right before our very eyes. The brain then became completely dark as the person stopped moving, fast forwarding even further when something unexpected happened.

Once the person essentially came back to life, red lights suddenly appeared instead in only a certain part of the brain now. Showing all of us what happened to you after you turn is far worse than what we could even imagine.

"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked.

"You tell me." he replies as he gestured to the screen, watching us take it all in like he had probably done many times in the past, studying over every movement time and time again.

"It's not like before, most of that brain is dark." Rick states.

Jenner then says, "Dark, lifeless, dead. The frontal lobe, the neocortex, the human part, that doesn't come back. The you part. Just a shell driven by mindless instinct."

The screen then previews something suddenly hitting the brain right in the middle, before it all goes black again and the person stops moving completely.

"God. What was that?" Carol asked in shock.

My eyes scanned the person's entire head, looking at the object that was now lodged in the center, "He shot his patient in the head." I assumed, "Didn't you?"

He didn't answer me as he powered down the screen with the press of a button, clearly not wanting to relive the moment. There was something suddenly suspicious about the things he was dancing around, almost purposefully not answering.

"You have no idea what this is do you?" Andrea asked.

Jenner sighed, "It could be microbial, vial, parasitic, fungal."

"Or the wrath of God." Jacqui said under her breath.

"There is that." Jenner said before proceeding to tell us that he truly didn't have the answers we were looking for. He was almost just as clueless about this as any of us are, not having near as many answers as he wished. That only made me wonder what the hell he was doing these past few months if he wasn't trying to figure out what all this shit was. Was he just sitting on his ass in his fancy building, waiting for someone to come knocking and save him? I truly wanted to know.

"Man, I wanna get shitfaced drunk after this." Daryl muttered close to me.

I just nodded my head in response, not taking my eyes off the man as he continued talking, though I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. Coming here only seemed absolutely hopeless now knowing everything. We couldn't save Jim, and we would never know what all of this is, what it would all lead to in the future. The information he gave us was practically useless.

"Jenner, I know this has been taxing you and I hate to ask one more question, but that clock, it's counting down. What happens at zero?" Dale suddenly asked, bringing all of our attention to the big red numbers ticking to our left.

The man grew silent for a moment, shifting from side to side as he visibly grew uncomfortable, "The...basement generators run out of fuel...the power runs out." he eventually explained vaguely.

"And then?" I asked.

Jenner ignored me again. Dick. Before starting to just walk out of the room as if the conversation was anywhere near done.

"VI what happens when the power runs out?" Rick asked the computer.

"When the power runs out, facility–wide decontamination will occur." VI responded, a robotic voice coming through the speakers.

We all looked around at each other in slight confusion, not really knowing what that meant and Jenner was already too far gone to explain any of it. Almost as if he didn't want us to know. That alone caught the attention of a few of the guys as they began to quickly leave the room to figure out what the hell was going on, down towards the basement like Jenner mentioned. Daryl was about to leave my side to follow them out, but turned back to me almost as if he forgot something.

"Grab your stuff, get ready to leave." he told me urgently.

I nodded absentmindedly as I watched him turn around again to leave, before rushing in the other direction to head back towards the many lined up rooms. The door practically flew open with the amount of force I used, not wasting anymore time as I gathered the rest of my things, the books that I had picked out, and a few bottles of water that were scattered around the space. I fucking knew that something bad was going to happen, I should've bet on it. Something had been off since the beginning and I didn't say a damn thing about it, how could I have let this just fly over my head like that without taking it more seriously.

I seemed to pause mid step as I frantically walked around the room as the power went out in a split second, leaving me in the dark, and I didn't hesitate to pick up my pace. I blindly hauled the rest of my stuff over my shoulders and grabbed Daryl's bag along with his crossbow and quickly made it back out of the space.

By the time I rushed back into the giant room we were huddled in, everyone had come back and started hounding Jenner with question after question, all of them he seemed to be avoiding. I fully walked into the area hesitantly upon the scene and I saw Daryl's shoulders relax the second he saw me again, his brows still furrowed in concern.

He then rushed over to me rather quickly, "What the hell took ya so long?" he asked, his tone blunt and angry.

I stood there for a second before handing him his things, "Sorry?" I asked in disbelief.

It hit him then what he sounded like and he quickly shook his head, "I-...sorry, I'm just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to describe the obvious fear he was feeling.

But I understood what he was saying without even having to hear it, nodding to him as he didn't need to finish his thought for me to know. I myself was feeling the same way as I tried to calm my nerves, disregarding all the many things that could go wrong in here even though they might've been true.

For every question that Jenner was avoiding, the harder it was for me to remain calm. There was a conversation happening in front of Daryl and I that he seemed to be listening intently to, but I wasn't. I couldn't. I just tried to focus on my breathing, my heartbeat growing loud in my ears as I was trying to not completely freak out. Panic attacks weren't a new thing to me, but I definitely would rather die than have one in front of a crowd of people.

Then Rick suddenly snapped when he wasn't getting anywhere with Jenner, "Everyone grab your things, we're getting out of here now!" he yelled.

He didn't have to tell me twice. I instantly started to walk out on instinct along with everyone else, but a sudden alarm began blaring loudly the second we moved it seemed like, and the door slammed shut right in front of my face, locking us in. Okay if I thought I was feeling claustrophobic before, then what the hell was I feeling now?

"Did you just lock us in? Guys he just locked us in!" Glenn shouted in panic.

"Yeah, no shit." I muttered in disbelief, my eyes wide as I scanned the thick metal door in front of me.

My breathing started to become heavier after Glenn said that, making the situation only more real and far worse, and Daryl quickly took notice from my right. He suddenly whipped around to the man responsible and ran up to him in a split second, "You son of a bitch! You locked us in here!" he screamed.

He tried to tackle the man but Rick and Shane stopped him by pulling him back harshly by the arms. I dropped my backpack to the ground absentmindedly, starting to walk back and forth in the giant room that only seemed to be getting smaller, trying to steady my racing heart but nothing seemed to be working. We were really trapped in here, with a timer counting down the minutes to God only knows what.

Glenn quickly seemed to watch me frantically moving back and forth from right next to him and gently grabbed me so I would come to a stop, pulling me into him in attempts to calm me down. But it only seemed to make things worse, feeling his arms shaking around me only proving just how scared he was too. How nervous we all seemed to be of the unknown.

It was then Jenner started to yell, having been fed up with the many voices demanding him for answers and the people beginning to attack him every two seconds. The serious man finally reached his breaking point just as he pushed us to ours.

"Do you know what this place is?!" he snapped, "We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out! Ever!"

We were all left to a stunned silence at his outburst, watching as he took a breath and sat back down in his chair, leaving the painful silence all around us. Daryl's eye seemed to catch with mine from across the room and gave me a look I had never seen from him before whilst I was still slightly shaking in Glenn's arms, hating the idea of being trapped.

Jenner then continued, "In the event of a catastrophic power failure in a terrorist attack, for example, H.I.T.S are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."

"H.I.T.S?" Rick questioned.

Jenner glanced at him, "VI, define." he commanded.

"H.I.T.S- High-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives consist of a two stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast heat wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive."

I froze. All I could hear in that moment was Glenn's quickened heartbeat, Carol and Sophia holding each other sobbing, and the rest of the men getting very angry as if it was the only emotion they knew how to feel. Not only were we left trapped in here, but we were also going to die. We were all going to die without even having really lived, and he just seemed to brush past it without a care in the world. Not even considering to bring it to any of our attention before this, and I couldn't have been more angry with him.

Before I knew what was happening Daryl and Shane brushed past us in a hurry, trying to break the door open by hitting it repeatedly with axes they had somehow found along the way. I slightly pushed away from Glenn to walk over towards Jenner to try and hear anything other than ringing in my ears. But I didn't get very far as I felt someone suddenly hug me from around my waist and I looked down to see Carl holding onto me tightly. He was still crying profusely, and I quickly got down on my knees to hug him in return, trying to offer him some type of support as his fear must've been petrifying.

This isn't the way it should go. I felt utterly hopeless, I knew we wouldn't be getting out of here unless Jenner decided so, and by the looks of it he wasn't budging. Even with Rick kept trying to convince him every passing second.

"Can't make a dent." Shane said breathlessly to all of us as he took a break from trying to tear down the door.

"Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher." Jenner informed.

"Well you're head ain't!" Daryl yelled while coming at Jenner with an axe, Shane and Rick having to step in once more to stop him again from doing anything rash.

If we weren't about to die, I probably would've laughed at his witty comeback, but Carl's quiet sobs reminded me of the state of the situation and now was not the time. I continued to rub his back reassuringly to try and calm him somehow as I watched the scene unfold in front of me over his shoulders.

Jenner kept trying to convince all of us that this was for the best, and there would be no pain when we all die in here together. But the truth was I didn't want to die, not now, nor did I want anyone else in here to have the same exact fate. And clearly we all were in firm agreement with how much everyone was losing their shit. Reacting in different ways to Jenner's psychotic behavior, anger, sadness, and panic, yet it was all completely the same. Fear. It always seemed to come back didn't it?

Lori came up to me to take Carl back into her arms and just held him for our last few moments while she finally let her own tears fall, realizing it was all hopeless. But Rick clearly wasn't ready to give up. I watched him pick apart the man, digging down as deep as he could to try and convince him to just let us make our own decision on this. That we all deserved a right to choose what we wanted our fate to be instead of it being forced upon us like this. That maybe there was still some hope out there for us to find.

And then suddenly, he broke. The man didn't say a word, not a single word as he silently walked over to a control panel, typing in a few numbers that sent the metal door flying open. Daryl, who was still trying to break through, nearly ate shit when it opened quickly as he still swung the weapon over and over again. But he recovered fast as he whipped around to grab his stuff from off the ground.

"Come on!" he yelled to the rest of us.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding once it hit me that it was real. He was letting us go. My legs had never moved so fast as I sprinted towards the door, grabbing my things along the way and making sure everyone else made it through the door before me as I pushed them through to the other side.

But I quickly noticed as I looked back that Jaqui and Andrea were staying behind with Jenner, leaving Dale shocked beyond repair. He wanted to save her, I could tell by his eyes how much he cared for her, but he knew there was nothing he could do to convince her, so he stayed too. The sight alone caused my mouth to drop at how many people we seemed to be losing, one after another. Each of them fell just like dominos.

My eyes wouldn't pull away from them, wanting them to come with us but knowing I couldn't do or say anything to change their minds. After all, what could I say? They thought their chance of surviving out there was slim, and they were terrified of walkers potentially tearing them to shreds, that's not how they wanted to go. And as much as it might've pained me, I could also understand that too.

Heavy footsteps from behind me were slapping loudly on the ground below, approaching me in record speed but I ignored it for a second, wanting to get one last look at their faces before I made my own decision too.

"Hey, come on, let's go." Daryl said from right behind my head while grabbing my sleeve to pull me along.

I looked at him with a twinge of sadness in my eyes, but nodded and followed him out the door towards the main entrance, not looking back.

The two of us flew towards the front doors where everyone else was waiting, watching from a distance as some of the guys were trying to break the windows with axes and any other type of weapon they could find. I recalled Jenner saying something about not being able to open the front doors again, but it's not like any of us minded that. Where there's a will, there's a way.

But nothing was working as they continued to struggle, the glass being too thick to cut through easily, that is until Carol approached Rick as she dug through her bag, "I think I have something that will help." she said.

"Carol, I don't think a nail file is gonna do it." Shane said in frustration.

I blinked. Really?

She ignored him, "Back at camp when I was washing your clothes, I found this in your pocket." she said as she pulled out a grenade with shaking hands.

My eyes widened at the random object. Yeah, I think that'll do it.

Rick then took it from her and told everyone to get down once he placed it by the window. I ducked and covered the back of my neck with my hands when, at the last minute, I felt another body covering mine. Once the window shattered, I looked up to see it was Daryl and he quickly grabbed my hand and practically dragged me out the window as fast as possible with everyone following close behind.

We all took down as many walkers as we could as we made our way back to the cars quickly, breathing heavily with adrenaline coursing through our bodies. I got into the passenger side of the truck and slammed the door shut, Daryl's movements only mirroring mine as he didn't waste a single second before getting in too. I found myself looking back at the building once more, just in time to see Andrea and Dale making it out of the window at the last minute and diving to take cover right before the explosion.

I ducked down in anticipation to shield myself once again, only seconds away from the ignited fire before it rang out loudly in my ears. I felt the heat of the explosion blow in our direction along with the smoke that came after that, perishing whatever was left inside. Daryl sat up after a few seconds of silence had passed and I got up slowly after him looking to see Andrea and Dale quickly making their way into the RV, with the building burning behind them.

I sat there in shock, trying to process everything that went down in the last thirty minutes. It all seemed to happen so fast.

"Hey, ya okay?" Daryl asked once he collected his own thoughts.

I didn't look at him, but I nodded my head to show that I heard him, even if my answer was far from the truth. But then I felt his hand, slowly and hesitantly falling on my shoulder as if he was scared to touch me.

"Look at me." he said in a soft voice.

My eyes moved over to him slowly to make sure I wasn't just imagining things. Seeing him worried and speaking in such a soft tone was a weird new thing to experience, almost weirder than what we just went through seconds ago. He was being so genuine it seemed unnatural...but not in a bad way. 

"I'm okay." I finally muttered.

I didn't think he believed me, not for a second, but before he could protest more the cars in front of us started to move, leaving him not much of a choice as he quickly started up the vehicle to follow. I sat completely still while we drove in silence, just thinking. I didn't want Jacqui to stay, leaving someone behind for dead was something I never thought we'd do. But I tried to tell myself that she was at peace and wouldn't suffer in this cruel world anymore.

We had been driving for hours and I could tell that the sun would start setting soon enough and we would have to find somewhere to stay for the night. It frustrated me slightly that we had to start all over with finding a safe place to stay, although I didn't have a lot of faith in the CDC, it still would've been nice to hole up there for a little while. Better than mindlessly wandering place after place only to be left with nothing we could rely on.

"Did ya wanna stay?" Daryl suddenly asked.

Although I barely heard the question fall from his lips because it was more of a whisper, yet I was still taken off guard at his question. Was that what he thought I wanted? I didn't want him or anyone to think I wanted to stay merely because I stopped for a moment to look at the others. I wanted to save them, but I didn't want to join them.

I quickly answered him, "God no..." I breathed shakily, "No...I didn't."

He looked over at me, trying to see if I was lying to him, "Then why did I have to pull ya outta there?"

"You didn't have to pull me out of there, I just-," I stopped myself to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say, "I...almost wanted to take one last look at the others. It was the last time we were ever going to see Jacqui." I said.

He remained silent for a while after that. I began to think that my explanation was just stupid to him since he didn't utter another word, but it was true. I didn't want to just forget about her or forget her face, so I stayed for a few seconds longer because it was somewhat important to me.

"Don't do that shit" he suddenly spoke after a few minutes of awkward silence.

I turned to him in confusion, "Do what shit?" I asked.

"Don't scare me like that" he responded.

My eyebrows raised in slight shock. Scare him? The man that wasn't afraid of anything, not scared to tear someone's head off or take out an army of walkers before him. But I scared him? I almost didn't think I heard him right. "Sorry." I said simply, a smile creeping to my face.

He returned the smile and turned back to the road, "S' fine." he muttered.

"Why do you care?" I found myself asking.

He only looked at me with a blank expression, so I clarified, "I mean you don't know me that well at all...why does it matter to you if I wanted to stay or not?"

His eyes focused back on the road, and he started to chew on his bottom lip slightly while his mind was elsewhere. It didn't seem like that deep of a question but he sure as hell was taking his time thinking about it.

"Well, if yer part of the group now...means I gotta watch yer ass just like everyone else." he said with annoyance clear in his voice.

My heart sank a little at his words, but what did I expect? I guess I was a little flattered when he said that I had scared him, and maybe there was a part of me that thought about what it would be like if I was a little more important to him. I'm not a saint, okay? It crossed my mind. But clearly that wasn't the case.

I didn't say another word in response to that because I truly didn't know what else to say, only moving to press play on the Metallica cd that we listened to yesterday and began to stare out the window, trying to think about something else. I wanted the CDC to be a distant memory and nothing more, but the questioned remained as I watched the city get smaller and smaller. Where the hell do we go from here?

~ Thanks for reading!

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon the walking dead #daryl dixon x female reader #twd daryl #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead fanfiction #twd #twd fanfiction #the walking dead #norman reedus #norman reedus fanfiction #norman reedus x reader #desert rose #the walking dead daryl #twd daryl dixon #daryl fanfiction #daryl x reader

[ecoamerica]

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[lu-is-not-ok]

Have You noticed that Gregors E.G.O.s (With possible exceptions of AEDD) are more his semi-sentient arms E.G.O.s. They all either require sloth, or are sloth EGO, representing him letting the arm do whatever it wants. It also ties in with how both Lantern and Legerdemain corrosions are arm overtaking the body. And here we also have exception of AEDD which doesnt involve sloth, and in which corrosion its clearly gregor who's in control while corroded instead of his arm.

Alright, so, I'm going to take this opportunity to ramble about Gregor's bug arm in general. Not just how it related to his E.G.Os, but also in his other Identities and the main plot as well.

Strap in, cause this is likely going to be a more of a ramble than a proper guided analysis. Though, I will try to split these into sections somewhat.

Gregor's arm in the main story

Let's start by exploring what we know about Gregor's arm from the main story content. I'll be mostly focusing on Canto I, since that's where we get most of our info about Gregor, but I'll also dip into other Cantos and base Gregor ID's voicelines as I see fit.

So, Canto I. The Outcast. We learn a lot about Gregor's past here, about his trauma from the war, the way he and the other soldiers were treated after the war ended, and the way other veterans see him as a deserter and traitor due to him (arguably) being able to reintegrate into society better than the other soldiers.

We also learn where exactly his arm came from - a procedure performed on all G Corp employees and soldiers, some of which were actual children at the time. From the flashback we see of Gregor after the procedure, we see that he let himself cut the apple on the day of his fifteenth birthday, meaning he had the procedure when he was fourteen. A procedure that his mother performed on him, no less.

The Canto 1 dungeon itself takes on a rather interesting form. The first few encounters directly tie back to Gregor's past, with him being faced with other veterans who recognise him, and a Head Manager that Gregor himself recognises.

A Head Manager who is still stuck in that military mindset, still believing he's in the middle of a war because he's still struggling to survive just as much as he did during it. It's only when Gregor reveals that he was struggling just as much when he tried to become part of society does the Head Manager realize that Gregor wasn't the utter traitor he thought he was.

Things get interesting when we go further into Floor 2 of the Dungeon, where instead of a direct callback to Gregor's past, we get to learn about Yuri's story, having it directly parallel Gregor, as the two are both people who had to run and abandon their peers to survive a horrible event. It's an experience Gregor greatly sympathizes with, and I believe is one of the reasons why Yuri's death hits him as hard as it does.

However, the part I really want to focus on is the final floor of the Dungeon, the fathoms of Gregor's ego. We see one scene play out over and over again, each time details becoming skewed and more exagerrated. The aging bomb changes from aiming for a soldier's outpost to aiming for a Nest, going from only targetting the enemy to also hitting innocent civilians. Tomah goes from acting professional if a little energetic, to outright manic and obsessive over Gregor's status as G Corp's hero.

This, I believe, is extremely important to Gregor's character. The whole bottom floor of his dungeon is a symbolic representation of his PTSD. How he's constantly reliving his trauma over and over again, with his memories of the actual events being unreliable and more so driven by his recollection of how he felt during them, rather than objectively remembering what happened.

And this is where I go back to his arm, as I believe it too is a representation of Gregor's PTSD. The way Gregor describes his arm as a seperate entity, as something that acts on its own without his control or input, reminds me of how some people describe their experience with PTSD and trauma as the feeling of always being afraid of a monster that could creep up on you at any moment.

We see that Gregor is somewhat capable of hiding his arm, as shown in the flashback CG of him on the subway, where he hides that arm under a sleeve and behind his back. Most of the time, he can hide his trauma and live as normal of a life as he can, joking about the propaganda posters his face is still on.

But all it takes is one small thing. One small trigger. And just like that trauma comes crashing back to him, his arm goes out of control, attacking whatever or whoever triggered it as if it were still on a battlefield, fighting for Gregor's life. Just like Dante's words throw Gregor into a traumatic flashback, the seemingly kind act of a stranger at the wrong time threw his arm into a frenzy.

An important part of that is revealed in a Canto II cutscene, where Gregor admits he doesn't know what exactly could trigger his arm to "rage out of control", as he puts it. For all he knows, the stimulation caused by dancing could be enough to do it. It also might not. The fact that something as seemingly innocent and neutral as dancing could be a trigger, and the fact that Gregor himself doesn't know all of his triggers, both further point to this metaphor being intentional.

Plus, there is the motif of Gregor's arm regrowing no matter how many times it's cut off. Just like one can't just get rid of one's trauma and PTSD, Gregor can't get rid of his arm. It's something he has to learn to live with. Like he says in one of his Chatter lines, he had to accept he's stuck with it, like it or hate it.

Gregor's arm in other Identities

So... an interesting thing happens to Gregor's bug arm in his alternate Identities. Other than G Corp Gregor, who'd still have gone through the procedure as he did in the main world, all other Gregors all lack that arm, having a prosthetic in its place. And likewise, the arm means something different to each different Gregor.

We already discussed how LCB Gregor's arm is a metaphor for his PTSD, a symbolic, physical manifestation of his trauma.

G Corp Gregor's arm is actually quite interesting in this regard. It comes from the same source as LCB Gregor's, and has a similar role of serving as a physical reminder of sorts, but it's the details of what it reminds Gregor of that is different here. For G Corp Gregor, his arm is a reminder of why he's fighting in the war in the first place - because he didn't want to helplessly watch from afar. While he's aware it and the other side-effects of the augmentation won't let him return to civilian life, he claims he doesn't regret it.

It's a twist that makes sense considering his situation. Whereas LCB Gregor is a Gregor who left the war with the arm being a grim reminder of what he had to do during it, G Corp Gregor is a Gregor still in the middle of it who uses his arm as a way to remind himself why he's in this situation in the first place.

Now, we got to our first prosthetic arm Gregor - Liu Gregor. Here, Gregor has an almost utilitarian view of his arm, seeing it as a source of fire for his cigarettes and as something that helps him in combat. He specifically points out how his prosthetic arm can't feel pain, calling it outright invincible because of that fact.

It's a fascinating subversion to how LCB Gregor and even G Corp Gregor view their arms. Whereas for them their bug arms have an almost sentimental value in a way, being reminders of their trauma and the reason they're fighting respectively, Liu Gregor's prosthetic arm is almost like an afterthought to him. Just something to light a fire and fight with.

Though, I do think the way Liu Gregor seems to focus on the fact his prosthetic arm feels no pain specifically is important. Considering his Core Sin of Sloth and how much Liu Gregor seems to try to shirk his work, claiming that straining himself is a good enough excuse for a whole week of rest... There's something to it, I think, though I can't quite put my finger on it just now.

Chef Gregor is an interesting Identity when talking about Gregor's arm, because it has the least importance out of all the Gregor IDs. All we learn about Chef Gregor's arm is that his mechanical one can get sore (implying it's of high-enough quality to feel pain, interesting when you contrast it with Liu Gregor's prosthetic), and that his old arm is implied to have ended up as an ingredient (though how much of that is the truth and how much is Gregor fucking around with Dante is unclear).

If Liu Gregor's arm is an afterthought in his eyes, then Chef Gregor's arm is a joke to him. There's a level of casualness and levity to the way Chef Gregor talks about his arm, to the point it just feels like just another ordinary part of his life... as ordinary of a life as being a cannibal chef can be.

Honestly, it's kind of refreshing to see his arm be treated as just another part of him and nothing more than that. As much as I love digging into every single dialogue line and design choice for deeper meaning (and I appreciate just how much this kind of reading is facilitated by the way Limbus Company is written), sometimes a prosthetic arm is just a prosthetic arm, no strings attached, and I think that's great.

Rosespanner Gregor is up next, and here we get to see another interesting take on Gregor's arm. For this Gregor, his prosthetic arm is actually of his own creation. His invention, his to-be workshop product, a machine he created to facilitate his dream of leaving Rosespanner and starting his own workshop.

It's probably the most unique interpretation of his arm that we see thus far. It's not a reminder of the past like it is for LCB and G corp Gregor, and it's not just part of his everyday life like Liu and Chef Gregor. No, for Rosespanner Gregor his arm is an accomplishment, a path towards a more successful life. I don't know about you, but I personally find that very interesting.

Finally, we got the most recent Gregor - Zwei Gregor. Similarly to Liu Gregor, Zwei Gregor sees his arm as an asset, a trump card he hides under a glove to reveal when his client is in danger. In fact, his prosthetic arm is shown to be strong enough to not only wield a zweihander without the help of his other hand, but also to stop a strike that could have bisected a person.

Zwei Gregor never actually talks about his prosthetic arm directly, only alluding to it due to him hiding it as a sort of surprise tool that will help him later. However, I believe it does show that this Gregor views his arm in a purely utilitarian manner, similarly to Liu Gregor. An interesting connection, and I suppose it fits with them both being Association members.

Gregor's arm in E.G.Os

That's right, we're finally talking about the thing the ask was Actually about. I'm so good at answering questions in a clear and concise manner. /s

Starting off with Suddenly, One Day, something about it immediately caught my eye. For all the other base E.G.Os, the striped "prisoner" garb is worn by the Sinner in question (Faust included, while she doesn't wear it in the illustration, she does have it on in the attack animation), however in Gregor's case, the striped cloth is wrapped exclusively around his arm.

Notably, it doesn't look like it's some actual piece of clothing that Gregor could have worn but just didn't, no those are actual wrappings specifically for the arm. It's a fascinating visual when you think about Gregor's arm as a representation of his trauma and PTSD. It's not the Gregor everyone sees that's a prisoner, it's not the person he acts as while living in a society, it's his traumatized self he keeps hidden that's the actual prisoner to the trauma he's endured.

As for the Library floor symbols on those wrappings... Yeah, I have no clue. The only connection I can make is that Gregor is Jewish and the symbols also represent the different Sephirot from the Tree of Life, so it could be a reference to that.

The attack itself involves the arm bursting out of the prisoner wrappings and attacking against Gregor's will. While this could represent how his arm can go into a frenzy out of Gregor's control, there's another interesting interpretation I just thought of.

Each finger of Gregor's frenzied arm in this E.G.O takes on a different form. I don't know what the common theory is on those, but I believe these are meant to represent the factions that Gregor fought on the side of during the war. The bug-like finger represents the old G Corp, and the smoking red finger could represent the old L Corp, the source of the smoke during the Smoke War. In Outis's Uptie story we're told E Corp and F Corp also fought on that side of the war and could potentially be represented by two of the fingers, but since we don't know how canon that is to the main world, I'm not going to try and guess which of the fingers represent them.

With all that said, I believe in this way Suddenly, One Day's arm could also represent the war itself, specifically the side of it Gregor has found himself on, how he was effectively made the leader figure of that side against his will, and how despite being the face of the war he himself never had any real control over how it went.

...Okay that was a lot, I'm going to hopefully speed through the other E.G.Os because I'm not gonna fully analyze those (and I already analyzed AEDD anyway), so.

Legerdemain has Gregor's arm take on the form of an apple on a stem, the roots of which are spreading all over Gregor. Gregor seems to have some control over his arm here, but he does seem to somewhat struggle with it, having to hold onto it with his other arm and hesitating before attacking.

Like you mentioned in the ask, the corrosion here involves the branches (and now also maggots) completely taking over Gregor, with the maggots within the apple being the ones controlling his actions here.

I think Gregor's arm here is interesting to interpret, as it seems to generally represent himself, or rather how he's viewed by others. During his Awakening, it's shown as a golden apple, representing the golden poster boy that Gregor was seen as during the war. However, in the corrosion it becomes rotten and overtaken with maggots, showing that despite his seeming priviledge and higher status he was seen as just as much of a rotten pest as the rest of the soldiers.

Next up, Lantern. Here, Gregor's arm takes on the form of a branch and a fairy, the only visible part of the Abnormality Faelantern. In the Corrosion, Gregor becomes overtaken by the plant, specifically becoming caught by the underground portion of it, the true core of Faelantern that uses the branch and fairy as a lure.

In this case, I believe Gregor's arm is meant to represent the propaganda he was involved in creating. The "tales" his fairy is reading are the tales of old G Corp's victories and the honorable soldiers fighting in the war, trying to bring more people willing to fight on old G Corp's side. However, his Corrosion shows that he was just as caught up by the source of that branch as anyone else captivated by the propaganda, he was suffering during the war just as much as everyone else.

Now, onto AEDD. I already made an analysis on that E.G.O right here, but to summarize: AEDD represents the abuse Gregor went through at the hands of Hermann, and it shows him acting out because of that abuse in a way that mimics her, with him fully putting himself in her role when he Corrodes.

In this way, I think Gregor's arm while using AEDD represents something similar to the one in Legerdemain - it represents Gregor himself, though in this case it represents how Hermann sees him.

Just like you also pointed out, Gregor is fully in control if his arm in this E.G.O, and yet it's the one E.G.O where his arm is most clearly a seperate entity - taking on the form of a full shock centipede. I think to understand exactly what it means, one should interpret that arm centipede as Gregor, while the Gregor using AEDD should be interpreted as a representation of Hermann.

This, I think, makes the AEDD arm make a lot more sense. The reason why the arm appears to be a fully seperate entity, yet is completely under Gregor's control? Because it represents how Hermann had full control over Gregor, seeing him as another bug in her army of pests, yet special enough to dedicate more of her attention to.

Perhaps that's why the AEDD Corrosion involves both of Gregor's arms turning into centipedes, with one of them glowing with electricity. Hermann's bug soldiers are her weapons, her arms in the war, but Gregor is a special one. A pest that got to glow a little bit brighter than the rest.

To summarize...

Man, Gregor's arm tells us a lot about his character and themes, huh? From being a symbolic physical manifestation of trauma, to a reflection of how other people view him, to just being your everyday prosthetic arm. And I think it's Really Fucking Cool, so I hope you all do too.

#ask #anon #lu speaketh #limbus company #lcb analysis #gregor #gregor lcb #g corp gregor #liu gregor #chef gregor #rosespanner gregor #zwei gregor #legerdemain gregor #lantern gregor #aedd gregor #aedd ego #that's right i tagged all the gregors because i mention all of them in the post

[frazzledsoul]

I almost don't want to give the Palladinos credit here, but I half think that there was something going on offscreen with Jess around episodes 5 and 6 of Season 5 of Gilmore Girls. Episode 5 is the wretched double date episode where Luke and Dean fight, and Episode 6 is the one where Lorelai finds out that Sherry left Gigi with her worthless father and Rory seeks out Christopher and tells him to stay away from Lorelai before he screws up her life again.

I believe Jess is only mentioned in these two episodes. In the double date episode, Luke is ranting about how Dean is not good for Rory (Lorelai's response is that "their problems were mutual" and Luke "doesn't know the whole story" which is funny because those additional details would definitely not endear Luke to the guy) and Lorelai asks if she should date Jess instead (Paris AND Marty are right there, Lorelai. Just sayin').

In episode 6, Luke and Lorelai bicker over the porch light being broken and Lorelai says the last person to change it was Dean and again argues on his behalf because Jess never bothered to change the light.

At this point in the story, Rory is still dating Dean and realizing the only thing they have in common is misplaced nostalgia and is trying to corner Logan to get the lowdown on the Life and Death Brigade. Rory has her adventure with the LDB the next episode and Dean dumps her the episode after that when he sees her partying with Logan and his friends. She's in the process of moving on with her life and leaving Dean behind.

So what was going on with Jess? I figure the final rejection by Rory probably gave him the push he needed to write the book, end his mediocre "messenger" career, probably get his GED, and move to Philadelphia to start his new life (and of course, begin the Slutty Philadelphia Jess era). Obviously that doesn't happen all at once, so I figure he probably wasn't ready to move until at least the spring/fall, but things had likely begun to progress by this point and Luke probably knew he was planning to move and had mentioned it to Lorelai...who is still dubious, still pushing for Dean over Jess, still trying to rationalize Rory's affair even as the incident seems to have moved her further back into the past, not the future (and likely trying to be supportive so that Rory doesn't push her away again, because she now knows Rory can and will stop talking to her and will bring up Lorelai's own mistakes if she feels she's being too judgmental).

Meanwhile, Jess is actually moving forward offscreen instead of trying to relive his high school years. Would have been nice to see some of that.

Milo was unavailable during this time, as he was a season regular on NBC's American Dreams. They had a shortened season, but networks aren't always amenable to lending out their actors to the competition (the only other season Milo doesn't pop in as a guest star after he left the show is season 7, when he again was a regular on another NBC show). I don't think this was necessarily planned ahead of time, but the backstory works nicely for what was going on with Jess at the time.

#frazzled pontificates #jess mariano #gilmore girls

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I’m really interested in what you said about taking an adderall before socializing so that you don’t have to spend the next several days agonizing about the awkward shit you said. I’ve never heard anyone talk about that as a benefit before.

Is it because taking it makes you less likely to say the awkward shit at all? Or because it just makes you less likely to fixate on it later? I mean, either way sounds pretty good, I’m just curious and intrigued.

Yeah, it's pretty fascinating. I'm going to try to put this in coherent order but there is a lot going on here, so let's start with the disclaimer that a lot of this is anecdotal or based in casual research, so I don't have sources to cite, but you should be able to google and explore for yourself.

SHORT VERSION: Adderall doesn't alter my behavior, at least as far as I can tell; it might somewhat inhibit my bad habit of interrupting, but that’s not why I take it. I take it because it prevents me from reacting emotionally to awkward moments in a social situation or remembering those moments later. The result is that instead of thinking "Oh, that thing I did was super awkward" and obsessing over it, when it probably wasn't awkward and if it was nobody remembers it anyway, I just don't have any strong emotion attached to it so I don't remember and feel bad about it later.

It's like if the color red constantly burned your eyes, and you could take a drug that would turn down the saturation. You still see the color, but now you see it the way everyone else sees it, and it doesn't hurt anymore.

The long version is...more complex, but I'm including it because I want to talk about why this maybe happens.

The reason I have such fraught emotions surrounding socializing is that I have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is a common aspect of ADHD. It's not the only reason one might obsessively relive embarrassing moments, but if you have ADHD, RSD is the likely cause. RSD is linked to poor emotional regulation which derives from a deficiency in executive function. So this whole family of ADHD symptoms -- poor focus, poor short-term memory, time blindness -- all come from a basic failure of executive function, and so does RSD. And luckily for me, my poor executive function can be treated with stimulants (some people, even people with ADHD, don’t respond well to them). 

Even though RSD seems dissimilar to other aspects of ADHD, because the stimulant addresses a neurological root cause, anything stemming from that cause is, to some degree, alleviated by the medication. 

RSD can manifest in various ways. I'm generally fine when I'm present in a social situation, but I struggle to resolve shame and anxiety around past behavior. I have spent a lot of time worrying that people who, let's be clear, I know love and respect me, have finally had enough of me and something I said or did was the last straw. I know intellectually this is not the case and I have spent my adult life striving to remind myself of that so that I don’t come off as a needy creep who constantly has to be reassured of other peoples’ affections. Emotionally, however, I was incapable of reconciling these memories. They just hung around in my brain, causing me a lot of pain and regret.

So there’s a chain reaction of saying something, realizing it may have been somewhere between "slightly weird" and "deeply upsetting", and encoding it in my memory with strong emotions of shame and fear attached to it. I then involuntarily relive those memories and the emotions attached to them afterward -- usually only for a few days, but depending on the event, sometimes off and on for years. I suspect this derives from our very early ancestors, who had to hard-code dangerous situations into their memories so if they encountered them again they'd recognize them as dangerous. My brain simply encodes every social interaction as having a fairly high level of danger. This situation is fucking life-threatening, don't go near one again or you'll feel like this forever. Except in my case "this situation" is not dangerous, it's just a dinner party with friends or a meeting with a colleague or a first date. 

It seems that the Adderall switches off that instinct to categorize social interaction as inherently dangerous by allowing me to regulate my emotions. If I’m not feeling fear in the moment -- because there’s no reason to be afraid! -- then my brain doesn’t categorize the moment as dangerous, and won’t remember it negatively later. I won’t really remember it at all. So my memories go from “A dinner party where I said three terrible things that I feel shame over” to “A dinner party where I had some really nice conversations.” Do I remember the conversations? Not in detail, and that’s fine. That’s how memory is supposed to work. 

And now, because I know if I take an Adderall half an hour before a party starts I won’t feel shame or fear after the party ends, I’m even more capable of relaxing and enjoying myself, meaning I’m even less likely to feel negative emotions that would cause me to remember things with shame later. I just thought shame was a price you paid for socializing; I knew the amount I felt wasn’t right, but I thought everyone else just put up with some amount of it. But no, it turns out when your brain isn’t constantly looking for a fucking lion trying to eat you in the middle of cocktail hour, the reason people go out and socialize is that it’s...fun to do. And it turns out when I’m not subconsciously terrified that I’m about to be drowned in quicksand, I actually form fond and positive memories of things. 

Which is a little wild to be experiencing for the first time at the age of 43, but better late than never. And it means that while I still struggle a great deal with emotional intimacy, I’m much, much more capable of maintaining social contacts and deepening friendships because my friends can see and talk to me face-to-face and I can enjoy my time with them more. 

#sam has adhd

[chackyxyooj]

You Believed You Weren't Enough

No Manga Spoilers Present! - High School AU

Potential TW: Verbal Suggestive Harassment (Stupid High School delinquent type stuff (Not from any of the named characters) - please be weary if you get extremely uncomfortable with stuff like that)

WC ~ 13,000

“If you knew something bad was going to happen to someone, wouldn’t you try to stop it from happening?”

Admiration and jealousy - two emotions that are awfully different yet a little too similar. To admire someone is to regard another as worthy of respect due to their achievements and advantages. Jealousy is to envy someone for the very same achievements and advantages we admire. Hence is the reason why admiration and jealousy can so easily be mistaken for one another; especially in regard to someone we deem better than ourselves.

What is the turning point in which admiration turns to jealousy?

If someone could change themselves to be more akin to the person they admire, wouldn’t they?

Is it, after all, such a horrible thing to want to be like the person we admire? If jealousy is just a single misstep away from adoration, how can we be certain about which emotion we truly feel?

Sunlight streamed into the room, making it perfectly clear that ‘tomorrow’ had become ‘today.’

While you were never particularly fond of waking up, your body felt awfully different this morning. It wasn’t the groggy or heavy feeling someone feels when they’re sick, nor was it a reluctance to get out of bed. There was just something off about today. When you peeked open your eyes to search for your phone, you suddenly found yourself somewhere equally unfamiliar as it was familiar.

Instead of waking up in your apartment in the city, you found yourself waking up in your childhood home. Although the answer of ‘where’ was rather obvious, there were a lot of questions that currently raced through your mind.

Why were you back home? How did you get here? Did someone bring you here, or did you bring yourself here? Why did you need to pee so badly?

You rushed out of your room and to the bathroom. Between all of the strange questions that still played in your mind, you could at least find solace in the fact that you had woken up somewhere somewhat familiar instead of somewhere completely unknown. A strange silver lining to be sure, but a silver lining nonetheless.

As you finished with your business, old habits began kicking in and you quickly found yourself twisting across the bathroom the way you had when you were younger. Perhaps it was just being in the house that made you feel younger, but you couldn’t deny that you kind of… felt younger.

The water you washed your hands with was just as cold as the realisation that you didn’t just feel younger, you were younger.

You must have looked ridiculous - dashing from the bathroom to your bedroom while wiping your damp hands along the front of your shirt. Before you knew it, you found yourself staring at your phone in disbelief.

Today was ‘today,’ but the ‘today’ three years in the past.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

If you were to describe your life so far using a single word, you’d likely use the word adequate. It wasn’t as if you disliked the life you lived, neither did you think that your life was significantly better than the average person. You of course had your fair share of highs and lows, but you’ve always believed that things could have been far worse. Hence is the reason why you simply describe your life as adequate .

You never really considered yourself as someone who looks back at their highschool years with fondness, however, you never really disliked them either. To be honest, you found that you could only deem your highschool experience as adequate. That wasn’t to say that you were looking forward to reliving your entire highschool experience.

A part of you hoped that you would wake up and realise that you were dreaming this whole time. Still, there was a part of you that knew that wouldn’t happen - the part of you that vaguely knew why this was happening in the first place.

In any case, waking up three years in the past isn't necessarily the worst thing that could have happened. You considered yourself lucky for waking up at the start of your first year of highschool. The path you had chosen post graduation wasn’t really something you were passionate about, so you would take this strange phenomenon as a blessing in disguise.

As the bell rang for the final time today, you collected your pencils and notebooks into your bag. You may have said goodbye to these familiar walls and seats once before, but now you were back. Nothing about the school was unfamiliar. Even if you hadn’t travelled three years back, it had only been a few weeks since graduation. You doubted that you could easily forget the place you spent so much time in.

You quickly fell back into old habits - weaving through crowds and getting to your locker as quickly as possible

Despite how you’ve seen everything here before, it was just… different. It was strange to recall such vivid memories of the future for things you would usually consider mundane. It was as though you were constantly filled with a feeling of deja vu.

The front entrance of the school was nostalgic.

The meticulous cracks that ran across your path home were as endearing as ever.

You even found the cherry blossom petals that were scattered across the road oddly charming.

You felt inclined to retract your earlier opinions about your highschool experience. Perhaps highschool wasn’t nearly as adequate as you’d made it out to be. Perhaps all it took was walking through these familiar sights that made you remember why you never really minded walking to and from school by yourself.

Though, to say you were walking by yourself right now would’ve been a generous statement.

As you made your way home, you couldn’t stop checking over your shoulder. You weren’t sure why, but someone had been following you for about three blocks now.

Despite your follower’s intimidating frame (and frankly, their overall delinquent-esque aura), they were also wearing a middle schooler's uniform. You couldn’t recall someone of your “follower’s” stature living in your area, but it wasn’t as if you usually noticed these kinds of things anyway.

Your curiosity suddenly turned to panic when the footsteps of your ‘follower’ sped up.

It would’ve been easy to assume that they were just trying to pass you, but the way their pace frequently slowed and sped up again didn’t give you too much hope. You did your best to keep a steady pace, hoping that the boy would back off or make up their mind to pass you. Weren’t these ‘delinquent’ types supposed to be cold and rude? This boy just seemed indecisive.

Despite your better judgement, you turned on your heel and faced your ‘follower.’

“Do you need something?” You questioned. You were surprised to see such a young boy suddenly standing across from you (though perhaps not entirely since he was wearing a middle school uniform). The moment you made eye contact, the younger boy redirected his gaze to the floor.

“I… umm… is this…?” the boy muttered.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” You stepped closer to try and make out what he was saying, only for the boy to step back.

“Ah… it’s just that… I…”

“Sorry, I still can’t seem to understand you.”

The boy suddenly took a deep breath and reached into his pocket. Before you could properly react, the boy took your hand, placed something in it and then ran off.

Bewildered, you watched the boy run down the street until he was out of sight.

Everything about that interaction was certainly weird, but there was never a point where you genuinely felt threatened. As you looked at what the boy had handed you, you quickly realised two things.

First, the boy had returned your student card. Obviously, you must have dropped it without realising that you had dropped it in the first place. It was nice of him to bring it to you, even if he was rather sketchy while doing so. You almost felt bad for thinking he might’ve been some sort of delinquent, but only almost.

Secondly, when the boy had handed you your student card, he accidentally handed you his student card as well.

A strange feeling suddenly sprouted in the pit of your stomach as you read the boy’s name.

It’s not as though you knew who this person was. You couldn’t even recall having many friends younger than yourself back in highschool, let alone friends that could easily be mistaken for delinquents or something. Still, you needed to do something about the young boy’s student card. He’d gone the extra mile to return your student card to you, after all.

Against your better judgement, you began running in the direction you had watched the young boy disappear. You had to stop a few times to ask passersby if they had seen the boy in question. Your concern over having the boy’s student card led you farther and farther away from your own home. Just as you were losing hope, you spotted a familiar silhouette walking up a driveway a few houses down.

Seeing as you’d already come this far, you ran after the boy. 

“Excuse me!” You tried to call out to the boy, but his movements only seemed to quicken. You scrambled after him in the most non threatening manner you could manage and stopped at the edge of the driveway. Out of breath from running, you huffed between each word. “Hold on… I have something for you!”

The young boy looked toward you but never met your gaze.

You held up your pointer finger, buying yourself some time to catch your breath. Just as you were about to pull the young boy’s student card out of your pocket, a hand roughly latched onto your wrist. Your eyes immediately shot up to meet with a new, unfamiliar pair.

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” The newcomer, a boy with white hair, scowled. You gently tried to pull your hand away from him but his grip was awfully strong. “Well?”

If you thought the young boy before looked like a delinquent with his mohawk, then the person who stood in front of you now was almost undeniably a delinquent. Even if it wasn’t for the older boy’s white hair, the glare in his eyes certainly made you feel uneasy. Needless to say, if looks could kill, you would’ve died.

“I have his student card…” The words you wanted to say got caught in your throat as the boy continued to stare down at you.

“Why? You steal it or something?”

“Of course not! I came to return it to him!” You blurted, earning another stern glare.

“So you followed him all the way back to our house? Creep.”

“I- okay yes, that was definitely not my brightest moment but-” You paused. Why had you followed the boy all the way back. Returning his card is fair enough, but why not just bring it to his school? Surely that would’ve been a safer and a marginally more effective way than following the young boy all the way out here, so why put in so much effort?

Was it because you wanted to do something nice? Ensuring that the boy’s student card somehow got back to him was essentially the bare minimum, but why go this far at all?

You suddenly found your gaze trailing toward the white haired male in front of you.

Was it because of him? You hadn’t realised it before, but the older boy was wearing the uniform of the same school that you currently attended. Staring at him now, there was definitely an air of familiarity around him.

The heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach returned as your eyes jumped between the pair of boys.

It is often said that memories are one of the most precious things in the world. Humans can do so much in a single day, yet not every single moment can be recalled at will. Generally, it’s only certain experiences, moments which elicit strong emotions, that can be recalled vividly. Past traumas, fleeting moments of joy and long periods of grief are many of the first things to come to mind when one brings up strong memories. It’s these kinds of memories that tend to shape people into who they are.

However, to say that people can only recall memories linked with strong emotion would also be incorrect. Sometimes, things we once perceived as unimportant can suddenly rush back when faced with some kind of trigger.

In this case, a trigger had gone off in your brain due to the name on the boy’s student card.

Genya Shinazugawa.

Shinazugawa.

While Genya wasn’t a name that immediately rang any bells, his last name, Shinazugawa, certainly did. Back when you were in highschool (the first time), you recalled the name Shinazugawa circulating around your school. Apparently he was a well known delinquent type who was rumoured to frequently get into fights. You never had the chance to confirm for yourself whether or not the rumours about your upperclassman was true - early on in your first year, news of Shinazugawa’s death spread like wildfire around your school.

You could feel a wave of adrenaline beginning to take over your senses, providing you with enough strength to pull your hand, along with the young boy’s student card, out of your pocket. “He accidently handed me his student card earlier and ran off before I could return it to him. I shouldn’t have followed him all the way here, that’s my mistake, but since I’ve already come all this way I might as well return it.”

There was a curious glint in the older boy’s eyes for a moment, but he turned away from you before you could confirm if what you saw was real.

“Genya! Get your ass over here!” The young boy, Genya, sheepishly made his way to the older boy’s side. “You better thank her for coming all this way.”

Genya turned his body toward you but kept his eyes on the ground. “T-thank you...”

“When you thank someone, look them in the eye for crying out loud.” The older boy berated, causing Genya to stiffen. “And speak up. What good is saying thanks if no one can hear you?

The young boy slowly lifted his gaze to meet yours, but no words came from him.

The silence between the three of you was awfully stiff, so you quickly filled it with words of your own. “Umm… don’t worry about it. I was simply returning the favour. How about you take your student card and call it even?” You put on your best smile, but it only made Genya turn his gaze away from you again.

Having had enough of the young boy’s attitude, the white haired male took the student card from your hand and slapped it into Genya’s hand. “The next time you do something nice for someone, make sure you don’t inconvenience them, dumbass!”

Not wanting to cause any more of a scene, you stepped away from the two boys. “I’m glad everything has worked out. I’ll be taking my leave now.” You turned away from the boys and began walking the way you had come, only to stop dead in your tracks when you met eyes with a small group of boys across the street.

They were wearing highschool uniforms, but not ones that you immediately recognized. Then again, it would be hard to recognize any school’s uniform when worn as improperly as what you were seeing right now.

The group of boys stood staring at you and the two Shinazugawas as they muttered something amusing to each other.

“What’s so funny? I got something on my face?” The white haired boy scowled.

You could feel your heart beginning to race and not in the cute kind of way. You felt like a cornered animal, ready to bolt at any sudden movement. You nearly jumped out of your skin when the white haired boy was suddenly standing right beside you, let alone when he pulled you back so you were standing beside Genya.

You weren’t really sure what to make of the situation. The whole time the older boy was staring down the other group of boys, you could only think about how you ended up getting yourself caught up in something like this in the first place.

All you wanted to do was one nice thing. Why did stuff like this always have to happen?

Just as you felt the last of your self restraint slip away, the group of boys began walking down the street. As the group turned the bend, you finally felt your body relax. You barely had a moment to relax though, since the moment the group was gone the older boy was back to scowling at you and the younger boy.

“Alright, it’s great that you went out of your way for my dumbass little brother, but you shouldn’t be seen around the likes of us.”

“Why?” You asked, your own curiosity getting the better of you.

“Why? Cause those shitheads are bad news, that’s why.” The older boy groaned. “Look, it’s better that you don’t get swept up in the wrong crowd. Just cut your losses and be on with your life already. We don’t need your pity.”

Pity, huh?

You abruptly turned away from the two boys. “You’re right. Pity is for the pathetic, and you certainly aren’t, so you don’t need it.”

“That’s great, are you done now?”

You could feel words bubbling up inside of your chest, but you ultimately held your tongue. To argue with a fool would simply make you a fool yourself.

You could hear Genya addressing the older boy as his brother as you walked away, but you didn’t bother turning back. You didn’t want to hear anything that the white haired boy might’ve had to say. Even if you did hear what he had to say, you were sure that it would only irritate you even more. What was so important about these two anyway? They were just strangers to you. 

That’s right, nothing more than strangers.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

As night came and went, and tomorrow became today, you found yourself stuck in the past. At this point you just had to accept that this was reality. You went through the motions of life just as you had before - wake up, breakfast, go to school, learn. It was the very same way you’ve always lived, but today something felt off.

This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve had an ‘off’ day, but something in particular was lingering at the back of your mind.

Had you been too harsh to the white haired boy yesterday? It wasn’t as though you said anything particularly insulting, but it wasn’t like you had been that great of a person either. There was no reason that you were obligated to apologise. You didn’t know them and they didn’t know you. What should it matter to you?

Still, there was little doubt in your mind that the boys you had met, the older one in particular, were the Shinazugawas. It wasn’t like they were the most unruly people you’d ever met. To be honest, the boys didn’t come off as bad people. A bit quick to jump to conclusions at times, sure, but that didn’t necessarily make them bad people.

Now that you really thought about it, hadn’t the older boy protected you? As rude as he may have been, he hadn’t left you to fend for yourself. That was worth something, right?

Thoughts from the ‘past’ nagged at you from the back of your mind.

…found dead… Shinazugawa… tragedy…

Could you really call yourself a good person if you knew someone was going to get hurt and didn’t do anything to stop it? That wasn’t the kind of person your parents raised you to be. It wasn’t the kind of person you wanted to be.

If only your parents weren’t abroad right now. Your mother has always known how to address these sorts of things. Life was always so much better when they were around, but unfortunately for you they weren’t around often. Still, this wouldn’t be the first time you’ve had to solve your own problems and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Perhaps the next time you saw one of the two boys, you would try to befriend them.

The school bell rang and informed all that it was time for lunch. Just as you were about to pull out your lunch, a familiar figure walked past one of the windows of your classroom. Before you knew it, you were slipping through the crowds of people as you made your way outside. It seemed like doing things despite your better judgement was becoming something of a trend.

You weren’t sure what the older Shinazugawa was doing outside, but due to the way your classroom was positioned it seemed like he was heading toward the main gate. Was he cutting class? It would certainly fit the delinquent-esque persona he had accumulated.

As you scanned the courtyard for the older boy, you couldn’t help but curse the sun for being unreasonably bright today. This was making things unnecessarily difficult. Should you just give up and look again later? It wasn’t like you didn’t know where they lived - not to sound creepy of course! On second thought, perhaps it would be better to approach the older boy at school so as to not arouse any suspicion.

So caught up in trying to find the white haired boy, you didn’t even realise that you had neglected to change your shoes. By the time you realised it, you were already falling.

You braced for impact but instead of hitting the ground, someone had caught you.

“Umm… are you alright?”

For some reason, you expected to meet a golden gaze when you opened your eyes. Instead, you were met with a pale shade of purple.

“It’s you!” The words accidentally slipped from your lips. You pulled away quickly when you realised you were clinging to the very person you were trying to find. The moment it seemed that the older boy recognised you, he turned and started walking away. A bit panicked, you grabbed the boy’s sleeve. “Wait, I need to speak with you!”

The older boy stopped walking, but neither did he turn to look at you.

“I umm… I want to apologise for the way I acted yesterday. It was rather immature of me to do and say the things I did, so I sincerely hope that you don’t harbour any ill will towards me.”

“Oh… it’s fine.”

“You’re certain about that?”

“Uhh…”

“What’s going on?” A newcomer suddenly asked.

You and the older boy turned towards the newcomer - none other than the young boy, Genya. He had an oddly tense expression on his face as he looked at the two of you in what you could only describe as irritation.

“Oh, Shinazugawa-kun! It’s you!” You pulled away from the older boy and turned your attention to the newcomer. “I apologise for the inconvenience I caused you yesterday. I hope you don’t-”

“I really don’t care.”

You were taken aback by the young boy’s sudden quip, reduced to having a blank stare on your face. It’s not like you really knew the kid, but you’d be lying if you said that his response hadn’t come from left field.

To be honest, something about this entire interaction has rubbed you the wrong way. Both of the boys were acting so different from how they had yesterday, but their actions weren’t entirely foreign. It was like… almost like they had adopted each other’s mannerisms and habits overnight. But things like that don’t happen normally.

As if you could describe what you’d gone through as normal.

You’ve heard rumours about strange things happening to people for reasons that couldn’t be explained - you had become especially curious about it back when you attended high school the ‘first’ time; back when one of your childhood friends had… passed away. From all of your research and questioning, you’d managed to find something that seemed to fit: Adolescence Syndrome - a mysterious syndrome that only affects those who enter puberty. Then perhaps…

By the time you returned to your current situation, the two boys were walking away from you. Panicked, and not entirely without ulterior motives, you called out to them.

“Genya-kun!” Where most people would’ve expected the younger boy to turn first, it was actually the white haired boy who turned to face you. It wasn’t a big difference in timing, likely just a second or two, but the look on his face told you more than enough.

“What?” The younger boy was glaring at you now.

“I wanted to ask why you decided to return my student card to me yesterday. You could’ve left it alone - or just given it to Shinazugawa-senpai to give to me for that matter, but you didn’t. I think it was very nice of you to do something like that. You’re a good person.”

The two boys exchanged a look between each other, making you feel oddly self conscious. Finally, the younger boy broke the silence. “Is that all you came here to say?”

“Well no, but-”

“Then we’re leaving.”

As Genya turned around to leave, the older boy quickly grabbed hold of his brother’s sleeve. “Sanemi, you’re being too harsh.” The moment the words left his mouth, the older boy had slapped a hand overtop of his own mouth.

“The two of you…” You started, the two boys turning to face you. “You’re experiencing Adolescence Syndrome, aren’t you?”

A look of confusion formed on the face of both boys, but the younger boy’s expression quickly shifted. “The hell are you talking about?” The young boy suddenly spouted, causing you to reel back in surprise. His expression was complicated. Even so, there was an underlying softness that reminded you of someone else.

You quickly shook the notion away and returned to the issue at hand. “Adolescence Syndrome isn’t really something that you can explain with logic. It’s not even something I understand myself, but can what happened really be explained away by logic? Whatever happened to you two isn’t normal.”

“Is that right?” The younger boy asked sarcastically but you quickly cut him off.

“But I think I know how to help you.”

“Wait, really?” The older boy suddenly piped, “You can make us go back to normal?”

“I can’t guarantee anything, but I want to try to help in any way I can.”

“Why?”

You paused for a moment. Once again, you were brought back to the ever looming question of why. Why help these people when you barely knew them? Why put in so much effort for people who you’ll likely never see again after this day? You turned your eyes to meet the older boy’s gaze. You admired the softness on his face. It was such a stark contrast to what you’d seen yesterday. To be frank, it was different from what either of the boys had shown you yesterday. It was so familiar though. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how you’d feel if someone with such a genuine look ended up dead.

Wouldn’t it make you a bad person if you knew someone was going to die, and let them?

“I guess… if you knew something bad was going to happen to someone, wouldn’t you try to stop it from happening?” A sad smile unconsciously pulled at your lips as you turned your gaze toward the younger boy. “That’s the very reason why you intervened the way you did yesterday, isn’t it, Shinazugawa-senpai? ”

The younger boy opened his mouth to spit a snarky reply, but stopped as he met your gaze. “Whatever…” The boy eventually mumbled. “Just don’t go causing us trouble or anything.”

A tight feeling suddenly enveloped your chest, but you smiled regardless. “Of course! I look forward to helping the two of you!”

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Back when you attended high school the ‘first’ time, you were a volunteer at an animal shelter. You had found that aside from studying, it was the best way to bide your time as exams came and went. With that in mind, you understood why Shinazugawa-senpai was mildly familiar. You hadn’t realised it a few days ago, but the older boy had a part time job working for the very same animal shelter you used to (and currently) volunteered for. Then again, you couldn’t really expect yourself to recognize him since… well, he and your time at the shelter didn’t coincide for very long.

In any case, you were going to change that. Not with any ulterior motives obviously! You didn’t think you could handle more people in your life at the moment. Not when their presence in your life would be so uncertain, and especially not people who’re also-

“Umm… (Y/n)-san, would you mind helping me?”

You turned your head towards the newer, meeker version of Sanemi Shinazugawa. As far as the three of you understood, Sanemi and Genya had swapped bodies. There was no obvious rhyme or reason for the swap, but you hoped that by spending time with them you could narrow down the cause of their Adolescence Syndrome, let alone return them to normal.

“Of course, Shinazugawa-senpai.” You replied, glancing at the bags of kibble that still had to be put away. “Just give me a minute.”

The first hour of conversation between the three of you had certainly proven to be the most confusing. There wasn’t an obvious way for you to address one brother or the other. Eventually, having had enough of all the confusion, the three of you agreed on two things: First was that in private, you would address Sanemi and Genya by their first names relative to who they were, and not whose body you were addressing. Neither boy preferred the respect of honorifics over convenience, so that was that. In turn, the boys could call you whatever they deemed fit so long as it wasn’t insulting.

Secondly, out in public you would refer to Genya as Shinazugawa-senpai, and Sanemi as Shinazugawa-kun. While the two boys might not have minded, you thought it best if you referred to the boys how you would on any other day. This way if you saw them again after this whole ordeal, assuming that the switch back would eventually happen, it wouldn’t be weird for you to refer to them as if they were acquaintances.

Despite everything, they would likely remain nothing but acquaintances. For your own safety, it would be better if you didn’t become too familiar with them. You were here to help them, not to make friends.

“(Y/n)-san, please hurry…”

“I’ll be right there!” You called back, tucking the last bag of kibble into the cupboard. You quickly made your way over to Genya. “Okay, what seems to be the-'' The moment you turned the corner, you couldn’t help but grin. Genya, in Sanemi’s body, was being overrun with more animals than he could hold.

“(Y/n)-san, please help me!” Genya pleaded with you, a desperate look in his eyes. You wasted no time in helping the poor boy. The animals seemed a bit sad to be pulled away from the older boy’s form, but Genya seemed heavily relieved. As soon as all of the animals were placed back into their respective pens, Genya wasted no time in letting out a deep sigh.

“It seems that you’re quite popular with the animals in this shelter, Shinazugawa-senpai.”

“No, not me. Animals don’t really like me, they like Sanemi. I just happen to be the one in his body.”

You shook your head. “No, I can tell they like you. They seem more gentle than usual. It must be because they can sense your gentle heart, Shinazugawa-senpai.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do!” You insisted. “You should come back to the shelter when you’re back in your own body. I’m sure the animals would love it.”

“I don’t know. I don’t really think I should.”

“Why not?”

“I umm… I’m not very useful around here. I’m sure I’d only get in the way.”

“Who knows? You just might…” You admitted, poking a finger into a nearby cage. The animal inside approached you slowly before rubbing the top of its head against your finger, making you chuckle. After a moment, you turned your eyes toward the boy. “Even so, I wouldn’t mind helping you out. After all, I really do think that you’re a good person, Genya.”

Genya looked at you and you instinctively smiled. Though the boy initially averted his gaze, he eventually returned your gaze with a soft smile of his own. It looked kind of strange to see Sanemi’s face with such a soft expression, but you were slowly getting used to it.

Unconsciously, the smile on your lips finally reached your eyes.

“You have a really pretty smile, (Y/n)-san.” The boy across from you blurted, taking both of you by surprise. The moment Genya fully processed what he’d said, he began stuttering and panicking in an attempt to relieve himself of his own embarrassment. You were certain that the look on the older boy’s face wasn’t one he’d make on his own, but you could easily imagine Genya’s own face making this kind of expression. At that, you couldn’t help but want to laugh.

“Thank you, Shinazugawa-senpai. I’m certain that smiles don’t look half bad on you either.” You replied, watching as your companion slowly began recomposing himself.

By the time either of you realised it, it was time to head back. It wasn’t much, but you felt like you were beginning to better understand the younger of the Shinazugawa brothers. Talking with Genya had become significantly easier. Admittedly, the fact that Genya wasn’t afraid to talk to you anymore was a big help. You only hoped that things would go this smoothly with the older of the two brothers.

As the two of you continued on your way back to where you’d meet Sanemi (in Genya’s body), you couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had begun building inside you. Regardless, you did your best to suppress the feeling.

“Are you okay, (Y/n)-san?” Genya suddenly asked.

“Of course.” You quickly replied, hoping that the smile on your face would put him at ease. “I think helping out at the shelter has drained away a significant portion of my energy, but I’m certain that I’ll be fine as soon as I get home and sleep.”

“Oh, okay then…” the boy shrugged, “just make sure you don’t forget to eat something before you head to bed, okay?”

“I didn’t think I’d get a lecture from you so soon, Shinazugawa-senpai.” You teased, causing the older boy’s face to erupt in bright pink.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you, (Y/n)-san! It’s just that-” Genya’s apology was quickly cut short by a group of boys who now stood in front of you.

One of the newcomers clicked his tongue in an amused fashion. “Well well, what do we have here?”

“Funny seeing you here, Shinazugawa.” Another of the boys voiced.

You glanced to see what Genya might do in response, only to realise he was in just as much fear as you were - and unfortunately for you two, it wouldn’t take a genius to realise that the ‘Sanemi’ beside you wasn’t a fighter. Genya didn’t know how to exude any of his older brother’s mannerisms, and goodness knows the three of you tried. Not like any of that really mattered since you were outnumbered 4 to 2.

You didn’t want to force Genya’s hand, so you decided to put your big girl pants on.

“It must not be that funny if nobody’s laughing.” You explained bluntly. “Come on, Shinazugawa-senpai. Let’s go.”

“Hold on, leaving so fast?” Another of the boys said, blocking your way past. “You his girlfriend or something?”

You ignored the remarks from the boy, grabbing hold of Genya and pulling him along. You could feel the piercing gaze of all the boys as you pushed your way through the small group, leaving you to comfort yourself with the fact that the sooner you faced them, the faster the two of you could get away.

“You’re gonna walk away just like that, huh?”

“I told you he was all bark and no bite!”

“What a loser.”

All of a sudden, Genya stopped in his tracks. From the look on his face, you could tell something unsavoury would happen if you didn’t intervene.

“Don’t listen to them, Shinazugawa-senpai. They’re just trying to get under your skin.”

“On the contrary.” One of the boys jeered, grabbing your wrist and pulling you away from Genya. “Why would I wanna get under this loser’s skin when I would much rather… get on top of someone else?” The boy leaned down to whisper. His breath sent all kinds of alarms off in your head, making you reel back and shove the creep away.

He ended up stumbling backwards and landing on his back, making two of the other boys laugh. Now irritated, the creep stood up and raised his hand to strike you.

You shut your eyes, but the blow never came.

Any relief you felt quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes. Though you had hoped that Genya would be the one standing in front of you, he wasn’t. No, the one who stood in front of you was another of the delinquents. The air around him was significantly different from the other three. It made the terror you’d felt before pale in comparison.

“Were you really just gonna stand there and do nothing?” This fourth boy, someone you could only assume was the leader of this little delinquent squad, quipped. The way his eyes looked straight through you sent chills throughout your entire body.

You opened your mouth to reply but no words formed. Everything you might’ve wanted to say was caught in the deepest part of your chest.

“It’s pitiful to simply watch, Shinazugawa.” The boy continued, his cold eyes now trained on who he thought was Sanemi Shinazugawa. “Cowards like you piss me off the most. You and this harlot aren’t even worth our time.”

As the group of boys began walking away, you could sense unrest stirring inside of Genya.

You grabbed onto the boy’s sleeve and tugged lightly. “Come on, Shinazugawa-senpai. I don’t want to get into deeper trouble.” You could still hear the group of boys making fun of yourself and Sanemi as they walked away, and you were certain Genya could hear them too.

“Take it back.” Genya muttered.

One of the boys, the creep in particular, turned around with a smug grin. “What was that, shitty-gawa?”

“I said to take it back!” Genya huffed. “All that shit you said about (Y/n)-san and Sa- me. Take it back.”

“And what’re you gonna do if we don’t? Cry about it?”

“You-!”

“What? You tryna say that you’re more than a useless coward?” The leader of the boys laughed. “Fine by me. If you wanna prove you’re not all bark so badly, you can meet us by that shitty bar tonight. You know the one. I’m sure you and your baby of a brother have been there on more than one occasion.”

The small group of boys walked somewhere further into the city and out of sight. To be honest, you felt a great weight fall off your chest the moment the boys were out of sight. When you turned back to face Genya, you couldn’t help but notice the look in his eyes.

A pang of sadness etched at your heart, but you shook it away. “Shinazugawa-senpai? Hey, are you okay? Can you hear me?” You spoke gently, trying to call the boy back to reality. “Genya?”

The boy finally directed his gaze towards you, but kept his mouth shut.

It really was such a sad expression.

Finally, you breathed a sigh. “Come on then, let’s go.”

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

The walk to your designated meeting spot was, for the most part, a quiet one. You’d tried to strike up a few small conversations, but it seemed that all of the ease of conversation had disappeared without a trace. You never liked forcing conversation, but you kept trying regardless. If you didn’t it would be as if you were admitting that some part of you didn’t mind the distance. Admitting something like that probably made you a bad person, right?

“Navigation complete. You are now at your destination.”

You breathed a sigh of relief and closed your navigation app. When you looked up from your phone, you were surprised to be standing in front of a Kendo studio. You hadn’t taken Genya as someone who partook in many physical activities, but you also wouldn’t take Sanemi to be the kind of person who worked part time at an animal shelter. In other words, you would have to keep more of an open mind for these kinds of things.

“Should we wait outside for Sanemi or should we go inside?” You asked.

Genya shrugged. “They’ll probably be a little while longer, so we should head inside.”

You nodded and the two of you promptly went inside.

The studio was nothing too large. There was a reception desk to the left of the door that served as the main barrier between the lobby and the main area. Looking past the desk, you could make out about a dozen or so people in the room. Of the people there, the only one you could recognize was Genya - well, Sanemi in Genya’s body, anyway.

You weren’t particularly familiar with kendo, but you could tell that Sanemi was good. Each of his actions appeared to naturally flow into the next. There was barely any wasted motion or any missed beats. Above all else, there was passion.

You’ve always been aware that being good or talented at something can only bring a person so far. It was clear that Sanemi was skilled, talented even, but there was also passion. It sparked a sort of effort that not every person has the chance of experiencing in their life, and it was something you suddenly found yourself admiring about the older boy.

As you turned to face your companion, you couldn’t ignore the look on his face. You thought it looked familiar, but why?

Suddenly, Genya turned and looked straight at you. “(Y/n)-san, I’m going to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Before you could ask if he was okay the boy quickly scurried off in some unknown direction of the studio.

You felt a little sheepish by the fact that you had been caught staring, but you didn’t think that Genya would hold it against you. He was such a kind boy, after all.

A deep fear suddenly pulled at your stomach as the thoughts of the Shinazugawa death taunted you. Now that you really thought about it, you wondered if the boy’s death was related to the body swap that had occurred. Could it have been Genya’s consciousness that died in Sanemi’s body that night? Would getting them to swap back be the only way to prevent Sanemi, no, Genya’s death? But how would you even go about doing something like that? And how would you even know for sure if-

“Hey.”

You yelped as the newcomer tapped your shoulder. You could feel your face beginning to warm when you turned around and came face to face with Sanemi (in Genya’s body). “Oh, sorry Shinazugawa-kun. I wasn’t expecting you to approach me so suddenly.”

“I thought it was pretty obvious that I was heading your way.”

“Was it really that obvious though?”

Sanemi gave you a skepitical look but didn’t question you about it further. “Whatever weirdo.”

“I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t call me by any insulting names.” You frowned.

“Being weird ain’t an insult.”

“Well I don’t particularly see it as a compliment. Especially when it’s from someone I hardly know.” You watched as Sanemi shrugged off your comment. You weren’t sure whether you should be insulted or not.

As you were thinking of something witty to reply in response to Sanemi’s indifference, one of the boys who’d been training alongside Sanemi walked over to the two of you. “Wow Genya-kun!” The newcomer smiled. “You were really good today! Have you started doing something new between this class and the previous one?”

Sanemi, in the younger boy’s body of course, shrugged. “Nope.”

“Really? It almost felt like you were an entirely new person today! Are you sure nothing’s changed?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, I see…” The newcomer looked between you and your companion. His gaze was rather curious but the boy kept any questions he might have had to himself as he walked away.

“He’s not wrong, you know.” You stated.

“About being a different person? Yeah, no shit.”

“Well yes, there’s that, but I was thinking more along the lines of ‘you were really good today’ and whatnot.”

Sanemi scoffed. “You don’t gotta patronize me.”

“I’m serious. I don’t know very much about kendo, but even I can tell at a glance that you’re good.” You smiled. For the first time, Sanemi let the young boy’s face shift from his usual scowl to something softer. “Forgive me if I’m overstepping my bounds, but it seems like you’re passionate about kendo. Why haven’t you joined the club at our school?”

An irritated look suddenly spread across the younger boy’s face. “Cause I have a job, obviously. Unlike you and my brother, I don’t have that kind of time.”

“I’m sure that the boss would let your schedule be a bit more flexible since-”

“I already told you, I can’t. Just leave it at that.”

“Oh…” You mumbled awkwardly. “Apologies for prying.”

The two of you stood absorbed in a tense atmosphere for a moment. You questioned your resolve to help these two boys for a moment, but questioning your resolve immediately made you feel worse than the atmosphere did. How could you even be so selfish with someone else’s life on the line?

You could feel the words in your throat beginning to stop in their tracks. There wasn’t even a reason why you should be feeling this way! You really hated this feeling. You really wished that you were stronger, like him.

Something about your expression must’ve given your true feelings away because as soon as Sanemi saw your face, there was a change in his demeanour. “Look, I didn’t mean it to sound like I was telling you to shut it or anything, so don’t look so sad. My situation’s just… fucked up.”

“Sorry…”

“And stop apologizing so much. You’re starting to sound like my brother.”

“Sorry.” You replied. Sanemi gave you a look, but it wasn’t nearly as menacing as before. “Hey, anytime anyone tells someone else to stop apologizing, they immediately apologize. Besides, is a genuine apology such a bad thing?”

“Course not, but apologies don’t stop people from getting hurt.”

You gave Sanemi a curious look. “Is that supposed to comfort me?”

“Well I’m not trying to threaten you or nothing but speaking from experience, apologies don’t mean shit if the other person is just looking for a fight.”

“Are you speaking from experience, Sanemi?” You asked, genuinely concerned. The young boy’s face became tinted as though he’d said more than he meant to. Or perhaps he reacted that way because of something else? You weren’t sure because the boy quickly started steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Look, this isn’t the kind of place I wanna say that kinda stuff. Let’s just get out of here. Where’s Genya?”

“Oh, Shinazugawa-senpai is…”

“Sorry I took so long, but I’m ready to go if you two are.” Announced Genya as he reappeared.

“What the hell took you so long?”

Genya winced at his brother’s sudden tone. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t surprised by his sudden shift in tone as well. “Sorry… I just wasn’t feeling that well.”

“You’ve been in my body for less than a day and you’re already getting sick? You’re hopeless.” Genya opened his mouth to reply but Sanemi cut him off. “Whatever. Let’s just go home already.”

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Sanemi had basically marched out of the kendo studio which left you and Genya to chase after him. A few short exchanges later, you were walking in stride with Genya while Sanemi walked ahead of you both. You did your best to spark some idle chit-chat between the two brothers, but nothing was really working. Most topics ended with Genya giving a curt reply or with Sanemi saying something a bit sharp to Genya. Either way, it wasn’t going well.

You let out a sigh. It’s not like you were an expert with this ‘Adolescent Syndrome’ thing. To be honest, you hadn’t even believed such a thing really existed until recently. No matter how much you wanted to help these boys, that didn’t mean that you could.

You examined the features of the boy who walked beside you - Genya in Sanemi’s body. His gaze was trained on the ground as the two of you advanced. Deep in thought, perhaps? It seemed like Genya did that quite often. Actually, it wasn’t all that different from how you were; perhaps how you still are, even.

“How much further till we reach your house?” Sanemi suddenly asked.

You looked at him inquisitively. “Why? Trying to stalk me or something?”

“Course not.” The boy snapped. “I’m just tryna make sure you get home safely.”

“You don’t have to worry about me too much, Sanemi. I’m a big girl. I can get home on my own.”

“This area of town ain’t what I’d call safe for a girl like you. If you’re really that scared about us knowing where you live then we’ll walk you to the school. At least the people over there give a shit if there’s a ruckus.”

“Well, it is starting to get dark outside. I suppose I wouldn’t mind the company.” You admitted, smiling. “Still, won’t your parents worry about you two if you aren’t home at a reasonable time?”

“Probably not.” Sanemi shrugged. “The only one who gets on our case is Sumi.”

“Sumi?”

“Our younger sister.” Replied Genya.

You turned your gaze to the boy walking beside you. “There’s more than just the two of you?”

“There’s seven in total including the two of us here, actually.”

“Woah. That sounds… really nice.” You stood staring at Sanemi’s face with wide eyes. Although the boy’s expression was initially one of confusion, unsure of how to interpret your reaction, it shifted to something softer upon hearing your words.

“It probably sounds nicer than it actually is.” Genya replied, now averting his gaze. You couldn’t help but admire the soft look in his (though technically Sanemi’s) eyes. “There’s barely ever a peaceful moment in the house! At least one of our siblings will be screaming for me or Sanemi at any moment of the day. It gets pretty tiring, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

“Quite a family boy, huh Genya?” You teased, earning a flushed look from the boy. “It’s admirable how much you care about them - how much you both care about them.”

“You think so?”

“Of course!”

“Less talking, more walking.” Muttered Sanemi from in front of you. “We’re never gonna make it back at this rate.”

“Please, you’re as much of a family boy as your brother, Sanemi. You just don’t like showing it.”

Sanemi turned around and shot you a stern look. “What would you know about me?”

Though you opened your mouth to reply, the words refused to leave your chest. As much as you wished you hadn’t noticed, and you really wished you hadn’t noticed, a certain group of boys happened to be loitering in the alley that you’d just passed. You could tell by the way the older boy’s body tensed that Genya had noticed them too. You just had to hope that they hadn’t noticed you.

But of course, fate wasn’t that kind.

“Yo! Chicken boy! Where do you think you’re going?”

All three of you stopped in your tracks. For a moment, the world stood still. Should you run? That would be the safest option, right? Someone like you probably wouldn’t stand a chance in a street fight, but what about the other two? Would they stay? If that was the case, shouldn’t you stay too? You already knew the ending to this story, so wouldn’t it be foolish of you to run at such a moment?

Footsteps approached your little trio. You had to fight the urge to flee. Survival is a natural human instinct, after all.

“Look what we have here!” A newcomer, the creep from earlier, turned the corner and examined you all. “It’s Mister Talentless and his coward of a brother. And you even brought your girlfriend along… perfect!”

“She’s not my- his girlfriend!” Sanemi snapped. “Why don’t you fuck off before something bad happens to you?”

The creep turned his gaze over to Genya (in Sanemi’s body). “First you let your girlfriend talk for you and now your younger brother? How you’ve fallen, Sanemi. I bet you weren’t even planning on defending your honour. How pathetic.”

Sanemi suddenly turned to you and Genya. “The hell’s he talking about?”

A fierce silence suddenly enveloped the air. Your chest became stiff and you felt like you were going to suffocate under the young boy’s gaze. You looked to Genya for an explanation but he looked just as nervous as you were.

“We umm…” You took a deep breath but it didn’t calm your nerves. “We ran into a bit of trouble on our way to the studio.” You finally admitted.

“A bit of trouble? I thought we were just having fun!” The creep jeered. “You see, Mister Talentless, your cowardly older brother wouldn’t even protect his own girlfriend. He was just going to watch her get hurt. Then again, I guess that’s better than hurting her himself, ya know?”

The look on both of the boy’s faces left you in confusion. It was obviously an insult, but even you could tell that you were missing some context here. The creep on the other hand, grinned. He’d managed to strike quite the chord. Seemingly satisfied with the amount of misery he’d caused, the creep turned and began heading in the direction he’d come from. Just before he turned the corner though, he spat one final remark. “It’s no wonder you two are brothers - you both share your father’s nasty blood.”

The wordless look on the younger boy’s face abruptly shifted. Sanemi started marching after the creep but you quickly stopped him.

“Don’t touch me!” Sanemi snapped as he pulled away from your grasp. “There’s no way I’m letting an asshole like him get away with saying shit like that to me. He needs to learn his fucking place already.”

“What about Genya? And the rest of your siblings! They’d be devastated if Genya-”

“This body ain’t gonna die from a few measly punches.”

“That’s not what I was implying, but…” You trailed off. There was no way you were going to be able to talk him out of this. You’ve only really spent about a day’s worth of time with the boys, but that was more than enough time to realise just how serious Sanemi was about this. You could feel your stomach turning as you watched Sanemi march after the creep. You couldn’t get the thought of the Shinazugawa death out of your head.

Because of confidentiality, the true identity of the body hadn’t been released to the public. You never saw Sanemi at school after the death, but you also never went to their funeral. Why would you? You didn’t know them back then. Still, who was to say that Sanemi was the one that died? Could it have been Genya’s body (and Sanemi’s consciousness) that had been lost during your previous ‘today?’

Was Sanemi fated to die tonight?

Why did it matter whose body and whose mind died? If someone was going to get hurt - if someone was going to die - you should do your best to make sure that it doesn’t happen! That’s the kind of thing that’s expected from good people, right?

“Genya, please help me talk Sanemi out of this!” You looked at Genya with expecting eyes only to be met with nothing. You couldn’t make out a single thought Genya might’ve had because the older boy’s face hid everything. It’s not like Genya was a super expressive boy, but his current lack of clear emotion made you feel uneasy.

Genya muttered something that you couldn’t understand. He took a step toward you, but his eyes weren’t looking at you at all. “Please go home, (Y/n)-san.”

“What?” You stammered. “But what about you and Sanemi?”

“I don’t think Sanemi would be happy with me if I let you chase after him here, but I’d never be able to live with myself if I made Sanemi deal with any more of my problems. He doesn’t deserve a brother like that.”

“But even so I-”

“Please (Y/n)-san.”

“No.” You said firmly. “Why would I ever leave someone to get hurt if I know something bad will happen to them? People like us don’t do that kind of thing. You know that already, don’t you Genya? If you’re worried about me getting hurt then… well, don’t. I promise I’ll stay out of harm’s way, but I’m staying.”

Metal clanging came from the alley you’d seen Sanemi and the creep disappear into. Despite all of his hesitancy, Genya let you follow after him as he dashed toward the noise.

As you ran deeper into the alley, you saw that two of the four boys from earlier were already laying on the ground. They were extremely roughed up. Sanemi had managed to do all this in that short amount of time? Where even was Sanemi?

A little bit away from them, you noticed Genya’s body on the floor. The creep from earlier was standing over the young boy’s body and was kicking him in the gut. He was laughing and mocking the boy, clearly unaware that the one he was mocking wasn’t who he thought it was. Although you had stopped in your tracks at the sight, Genya had kept running toward the boy. Just when the creep realised Genya was running toward him, Genya struck him across his face and sent him tumbling onto the ground.

“That was a real cheap shot, you fucking coward.” The creep spat.

Genya ignored the creep as he pulled his brother up to his feet. Sanemi didn’t look pleased in the slightest to be seeing his brother, but you also thought he didn’t look mad.

“I’m surprised you showed up, Sanemi.” The leader taunted from behind the creep. The very sound of the leader’s voice made your body stiffen. “I thought you were just gonna high tail it outta here like the coward you are, but you didn’t. I’d say that you’re almost worth respecting. Almost. Your face still pisses me off.”

As the creep moved to stand up, the leader of the little delinquent gang stood in front of him. Your eyes locked with the leader’s own for a brief moment. In that brief moment alone, it felt like his entire presence was suffocating you.

“Those are some strong words from someone with such an ugly face.” Sanemi spat.

“Not everyone gets to be blessed with a strong figure like you, Mister Talentless. Still, my hideous face is also a blessing.”

“Nothing about you is a blessing. You’re nothing but a fucking curse.”

“You might be right about that!” The leader’s laugh was a sickening sound. Still, he held himself with pride and grinned at the two boys. “But at least I’m not a coward. Not like your ‘dear older brother’, or like your drunkard father. Better hope you don’t turn into him someday.”

Genya clenched his fists and muttered something.

“What was that, you coward?”

“I told you to get lost already!” Genya finally exploded, lunging toward the leader with clenched fists.

The leader quickly dodged under the boy’s fist and landed a blow directly in the boy’s gut. Genya paused for a moment, but he very quickly turned around and attempted to hit the leader again. The leader managed to move just around the boy’s fist only to get clocked by Sanemi. Where you thought you’d see frustration, the leader of the delinquents only grinned.

“Weak. Did those kicks really sap that much strength outta you?” The leader then struck a blow across Sanemi’s (in Genya’s body) face. “That’s what you call a punch.”

“I was just holding back for your sake, dumbass.” Provoked, Sanemi cracked his fingers. “But if that’s how you wanna be, I’ll gladly beat your skull in.”

“Don’t!” Genya suddenly shouted. “This isn’t your fight, Genya.”

“Looks like the coward is finally gaining some courage.” The leader snarked. “Well then, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Anything Sanemi might’ve wanted to say to Genya, he didn’t. Instead, he was left to watch the fight without interfering. It’s not like he didn’t believe in Genya, but this was his brother. If anyone knew his brother’s limitations, it was Sanemi. Still, Sanemi couldn’t deny that his entire body was heavy. That bastard was right; his punches had gotten pathetic.

The older boy, stuck in his younger brother’s body, was reduced to a spectator.

Every part of his, well, Genya’s body, wanted him to step in. He wasn’t the type to let others fight his battles! But he had to remind himself that this was his battle. This was Genya’s fight as much as it was his own, and he should respect that.

Still, with every passing moment and every blow exchanged, Sanemi was becoming more and more restless. If this went on any longer, someone would surely-

“Sanemi!”

A hand, your hand, pushed the boy and caused him to stumble forward. As Sanemi turned around to tell you off, he saw that you were trembling. All of the information came flooding to him at once.

The troublemaker from earlier standing in front of you with a small shiv in his hand.

The police sirens approaching from the distance.

The rapid scrambling of the four other boys.

His own voice ringing in his ears.

The blood that dripped from your hand that held onto his own.

Everything was such a blur, but one fact rang clearly in his mind: just then, he’d almost died.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Three years ago, before ‘yesterday’ suddenly became ‘tomorrow,’ you read the headline of an article depicting a tragic death.

Young Boy Found Dead Due To Stab Wound: Another Shinazugawa! Tragedy Or Fate?

The recollection of that article that you’d read the ‘first time’ around made you feel sick. It was clear to you now that the boy who’d died back then wasn’t just Genya, but Sanemi who was inside of Genya’s body. Still, how could they have posted such a tasteless article back then? You were glad this wouldn’t be the case this time around, but still, after everything that happened, you began to recall what the article detailed.

The reason why the article was passed for publishing was because no information aside from Genya’s death was revealed. In fact, the article mostly detailed the death of their father: someone the article called a perpetually drunken scumbag. It wasn’t much, but it started to shed some light about why and how this case of Adolescence Syndrome came to be - but knowing how it happened and fixing it were two very different things.

Adolescence Syndrome only causes strange and abnormal things to happen, but that doesn’t mean that it stops bad things from happening. If anything, it made situations go from bad to worse.

You turned off the stove and grabbed three bowls from the cabinet. You subconsciously placed your hand onto the counter as you placed the bowls down, causing you to jerk away from the countertop. You were glad that you stopped the knife with your non-dominant hand, but that didn’t make the pain any better. If only you’d been a bit faster, you could’ve grabbed the attacker’s wrist and not the knife itself.

You made a mental note to get the wound checked out as soon as possible, but you’d have to let your parents know so that they could fill out the paperwork. You really hated inconveniencing them, but this was probably just the consequence of your own actions.

You sighed deeply, pushing all of your current worries aside and focusing on the task at hand.

While you’d initially tried to grab all three bowls of congee at once, your wound quickly made it obvious that you wouldn’t be able to do that. Instead, you took one bowl and headed off in the direction where Genya had decided to tend to his wounds.

You knocked on the door lightly before letting yourself in.

“You haven’t fallen asleep, have you?” You asked as you entered the room. Genya was holding an ice pack against the side of his face (technically Sanemi’s face) to prevent swelling, but seemed okay otherwise. You slowly approached the boy and set the bowl of food down beside him. “I made some congee, so please eat it. I’d be sad if all my hard work went to waste.”

Genya gave you a small nod but didn’t make any attempts to say anything. In fact, he hasn’t said a word since coming to this room.

The first thing either of the boys did when you arrived was help tend to your wound. As luck would have it, you and Genya were both properly educated about first aid. Sanemi wasn’t completely unaware of what to do either, but his first aid was something you’d describe as street knowledge versus something you’d learn from a class.

After the wound was addressed, you had changed and washed your clothes in the sink in an attempt to prevent any blood from staining, but you lamented the loss of one of your favourite shirts regardless. Apparently while that was happening, Sanemi and Genya ended up having a pretty major argument. About what, you weren’t sure.

“You’re not hiding any major injuries, right Genya?” Again, no response. This time, you took a seat beside the boy and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Genya?”

You felt the young boy jump underneath your touch for a moment, but he quickly composed himself again. “S-sorry (Y/n)-san… I promise I’m not mad at you or ignoring you. I just think that right now… I think I need to be alone for a little bit. I won’t take too long though, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

You shook your head. “Not at all! I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“Why?”

“Why?” You repeated. “Because you’re a good person, Genya. Considering everything that could’ve happened and comparing it to what did happen, I’d say you’re doing just fine.”

“But you got hurt!”

“So did you.”

“But it’s my fault that you-”

“I don’t think that anyone in this house is completely at fault for what happened today. There will always be ifs and what ifs about situations like this, but what’s important is that we learn from the things that have happened and keep moving on with our lives.”

Genya smiled softly for a moment, but the smile dropped from his lips just as quickly. “Do you think that Sanemi hates me now?”

This time it was your turn to flash the boy a smile. “I don’t think Sanemi could ever hate you.”

Just as quickly as you entered, you left Genya to his own devices. You paused as you reached for the door, but it was only for a moment.

As you once again entered the kitchen, you noticed that Sanemi had moved from his place in the living room and was now leaning against one of the kitchen counters. You wanted to laugh at how not slick he was, but decided to keep it to yourself.

“Feel free to have some congee. I’m not the greatest cook in the world, but I’ve been told that my congee could revive the dead.” You laughed to yourself as you took a bowl. “Well, it was either that or that my congee could kill a small rodent. Depends if you ask my mother or my father.”

“Where are your mom and dad?”

“They’re overseas.” You replied, keeping your eyes trained on your bowl of food. “My mom and dad are trying to expand their business together, but they felt that in order to make significant progress they’d have to work abroad. I could have went with them, of course, but I’m not a big fan of change.”

“How long have you been going at it alone?”

“Ever since I was about… ten? I guess that means it’s been a pretty long time, but it’s not like I never see them. They visit home at least once every two months.” You admitted. “Now what about you? What’s your parental situation at home like?”

You could hear Sanemi scoff, but when you looked up you were surprised to see him smiling. “You’re clever, I’ll give you that, but you’re also pretty stupid.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to a girl.”

“Look, it’s not that different from what that asshold said back in the alley. My dad’s a deadbeat and my mom works real damn hard to make sure food gets on the table every day. What more is there?”

“What more are you willing to tell me?”

Sanemi took a deep breath, letting the muscles in the young boy’s face relax. “To be honest, my old man’s a real shit show. About two years ago he went out to a bar and got into some deep shit. He ended up pissing off some real shady people and got himself killed. The dumbass couldn’t even go without making trouble for us, cause not even two days later those douchebags came round tellin us that we owed them money. Apparently our dad owed them a steep amount of cash. We were able to pay em back, but it took everything that our mom had saved up.”

“So you took a job to help make ends meet?” You inquired.

“Well yeah, obviously. I don’t give a shit about what happens to me, but the rest of my family? All of them have a bright future ahead, as long as I keep helping to support them. I don’t want my mom or my siblings worrying about me - especially not Genya. I feel like if they knew the kind of shit I got into, I’d only be making trouble for ‘em.”

“Who’s to say for sure? I mean, it’s pretty obvious that Genya looks up to you.”

“Yeah, and that’s the issue.” Sanemi admitted. “I see way too much of my old man in me to be a good role model. If push comes to shove and I end up the kind of scumbag he was, I don’t want my family to feel bad about telling me off.”

“No offence Sanemi, but you’re seriously delusional.”

Sanemi looked at you with wide eyes. Your tone was pretty harsh, but the look on your face was kind. It was such a stark contrast that the boy was left speechless.

“You talk as if turning into your father is inevitable. Personally, I disagree with that notion wholeheartedly since reality is not always cut and dry. Sure, you’re stubborn and hot headed, but that doesn’t make you a bad person - and certainly nothing like what you’ve told me your father is like. Without a shadow of a doubt, Sanemi, I believe that you’re a good person. Better yet, I believe that you are someone worth admiring. It’s not even my word you have to take for it, right Genya?”

You turned your head toward the hall and Sanemi’s gaze naturally followed. A moment later, Genya turned the corner.

“Is that true, Sanemi? Are you really that scared of turning out like dad?”

“Course I am! Our old man was nothing but a drunkard. I sure as hell don’t wanna end up like that piece of shit.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re anything like dad was.” Genya admitted. “You’re strong, smart, naturally gifted at kendo and really good with animals! Nothing about you makes me think you’re like dad at all! If anything, you’re so amazing that I constantly wish that I could be more like you…”

“Don’t lie to me, Genya.”

“I would never lie about something like that!” The young boy reassured. “I wished to be like you so much that I literally became you. Shouldn’t that be enough proof for you?”

Wordlessly, Sanemi walked over to Genya. There was a moment in which Genya looked unsure of what was about to happen, but you didn’t worry. In fact, you weren’t even surprised when Sanemi leaned over and pulled Genya into an embrace.

“You really wanted to be like me that badly?” Sanemi scoffed. “You’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”

“I know.”

“But I love you anyway.”

“I know. I love you too.”

══════════════════

Epilogue

Admiration and jealousy - two emotions that are awfully different yet a little too similar. To admire someone is to regard another as worthy of respect due to their achievements and advantages. Jealousy is to envy someone for the very same achievements and advantages we admire. Hence is the reason why admiration and jealousy can so easily be mistaken for one another; especially in regard to someone we deem better than ourselves.

What is the turning point in which admiration turns to jealousy?

If someone could change themselves to be more akin to the person they admire, wouldn’t they?

Is it, after all, such a horrible thing to want to be like the person we admire? If jealousy is just a single misstep away from adoration, how can we be certain about which emotion we truly feel?

“Shinazugawa-senpai! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Don’t give me that crap, (Y/n). You know damn well I was invited to be here before you were.”

“Are you sure about that? Sometimes I think that Genya is becoming more fond of me than he is of you. Before either of us knows it, he might swap bodies with me.”

“Ugh. Don’t even joke about that shit. It was so…”

“Stressful?” You smiled teasingly. “Yes, I agree. Adolescence Syndrome is certainly something to be reckoned with.” Both you and Sanemi turned toward the center stage. The kendo exhibition would likely be starting soon. Still, a little small talk never hurt anyone.

“How have you been spending your time now that you’re no longer volunteering at the shelter?” Wondered Sanemi.

“Don’t tell me… does my senpai actually miss seeing me at work?”

“Shut up! And stop calling me your senpai! Just call me by my name.”

“You want me to keep calling you Shinazugawa-senpai?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do I though?” The boy gave you a certain look and you laughed. “Okay, okay. Are you happy now, Sanemi?”

At your response, Sanemi rolled his eyes. The older boy could feel warmth beginning to gather in his cheeks, and he also noticed you staring at him. He knew if he teased you about staring you’d tease him right back, so he didn’t. In fact, those kinds of remarks weren’t usually his thing at all, but he always ends up saying way more than he means to when you’re around.

“In other news, I’m surprised that none of your other siblings came along today.”

“No way. Sumi begged me to bring her along, but she also keeps asking me when you’ll become her sister-in-law and I can only handle that kind of harassment for so long.”

“I think she’s charming.”

“That makes one of us…” Both you and Sanemi shared a short laugh. It wasn’t much, but Sanemi decided that he liked the way you laughed. “By the way, (Y/n)... are you free today?”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Just answer my question.”

You stifled a laugh before replying to the older boy. “Sorry, but unfortunately I’m not. I have a few errands to run and it looks like the weather might not hold out for too much longer. Apparently a pretty hefty storm is headed this way. There’s no way I wouldn’t want to be prepared for something like that, you know?”

“Oh right… of course.”

“Is something the matter, Sanemi?”

“No, course not! It’s nothing that you need to worry your pretty little head about.”

“Oh, so you think I’m pretty now?”

When Sanemi opened his mouth to reply, he couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth or to lie. Instead, he scoffed and let you have the satisfaction of catching him off guard.

As you and Sanemi continued to make small talk, the male couldn’t help but smile. He enjoyed watching the way you would talk with your hands when you fell deep into the conversation, and the way your eyes expressed your emotions so honestly. Even if the honesty in your eyes gave away your true feelings, Sanemi still loved talking to you. Hell, he enjoyed being around you in general, but he doubted that he’d ever tell you something as embarrassing as that.

Besides, he believed it’d be best that a guy like him admire a girl like you from afar.

#sanemi shinazugawa #kny sanemi #genya shinazugawa #kny genya #sanemi x reader #sanemi shinazugawa x reader #fluff #body swapping #body swap #alternate universe #high school au #modern au #adolescence syndrome #that one syndrome from Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai #Japanese honorifics #honorifics are used in this story #oneshot #connected oneshot #Memories of the Future

[strawberry-fields-things]

Btw just so you know cellbits ex never said to not talk about him being an abuser she feels people are trying to silence her.Not surprised tho Quackity Stan’s love to deflect, that’s what y’all do, that what y’all stay forever doing. I’m glad I grew out of his content after he added that weirdo, maybe you should too. At least ya stopped supporting a pedophile shows you have some common sense.

i’m only gonna be replying to this ask of the three you sent. if you actually wanna talk instead of just sending anonymous hate, you can message me.

that being said, tw for abuse:

i’m going to assume you’re only from the english-speaking community when it comes to minecraft content, if i’m wrong, please do correct me.

the issue the spanish speaking community (and i’m guessing the portuguese speaking community as well, though i don’t really consume their content so i won’t be speaking for them) has had for a while with the english speaking community is that people tend to be a lot more toxic in the latter. you’re speaking of this whole issue AS IF this is brand new information that has just been uncovered.

cellbit HAS BEEN a streamer (one of the originals for the brazilian community) for a WHILE. the english speaking community didn’t just “find out he was an abuser before anyone else did”. this whole controversy you’re bringing up right now HAS BEEN RESOLVED by the portuguese-speaking community A WHILE BACK.

the video you’re talking about of sasa talking during an ig live (which i’m guessing that’s the one, because it’s the one floating around twitter— if it’s a different one, you can link me it) is taken completely out of context— and i know this sounds like a way to deflect the accusations, so i’ll explain why:

the ig live was SIX YEARS AGO

sasa afterwards said that she was overwhelmed and later explained so people would stop.

the clip floating around twitter of her live? yeah, it’s been mistranslated on some instances to intentionally mislead — (as far as i can tell; again, i’m not a fluent portuguese speaker, so i might make some mistakes. but i’ve seen a fair share of brazilians saying it’s mistranslated to english).

now, if you do care about cellbit’s ex-girlfriend sasa (who, by the way, in none of the asks you have mentioned by name) and not just about shitting on content creators, i think you would care to know she has stated multiple times that she wants to MOVE ON. so in the process of shitting on quackity and cellbit, you’re making sasa relive something she’s stated multiple times SHE’S TRYING TO LEAVE BEHIND. both cellbit and sasa have agreed (5-6 years ago, when this was happening) that they were both trying to move on and consider it a “finished matter”.

as i stated on my last post (and something you seem to either have skipped over/ignored) cellbit has also stated he has been going to therapy for the past four years to improve himself. he has a new girlfriend named lore (lor-eh, not lour) and people from both his life AND his community have stated that they have noticed the change in him during the past four years.

i would like to say this again: for someone trying to resurface pretty heavy accusations, you don’t seem to care for either cellbit’s ex-girlfriend sasa OR cellbit’s current girlfriend lorena (who i believe is a streamer?). here what lore posted RECENTLY on twitter:

and if you understood portuguese, you would see that the entire comment section of this same tweet is brazilians just being confused as to why this is even being brought up by “gringos” again when this whole situatuion was ‘resolved’ during 2013 (i put resolved between ‘’ because abuse is never something that is solved from one day to another— it’s a healing process that takes time).

(found this tweet that basically sums up what i mentioned before of being a member of the hispanic/brazilian community and watching english-speaking fans attempt to stir up old problems :/ )

(ps: you keep saying you outgrew dream/quackity’s content, but here you are making beef with a former dsmp/qsmp blog 🙂?)

#qsmp #cellbit

[babishfantasies]

I promise - part 2

part 1

As soon as she declared me ready she started to slowly remove the straps of her dress, with me mere centimeters from her chest. As she took the strips down she revealed a pink lace bra containing her bountiful breasts. They were so big, something that I already knew but my new point of view made abundantly clear. Where they DD, E? I don’t really know about those things honestly. They were fine, that’s all I cared for. That’s what made me so attracted to her in the first place.

As much as I was mesmerized and even mystified by the experience, my position started to become a problem. It wasn’t all that uncomfortable, but it made me instinctively move backwards as my feet pushed over the couch. And just as I was fidgeting in place trying to adjust myself so I could stay as close to her as possible, she took me by the back with one hand and moved me closer to her, to the point all I could see was her pink bra. “Let’s keep you close to me, sweetie” she said, and with my postural issues resolved I went back to being panicked, aroused and confused.

As I lay there hornyfied I came back to the fateful moment that started it all. I mean…  I know what I said, ok? But she practically coerced me to say it too. Well, I don’t know if coerced it’s the term, but she asked me pretty aggressively why I looked at her breasts so much and the only thing I could come up with was “I want to suck them”. And yeah, I guess I want to, I would like to do so much more with them too, but this felt so out of left field, as if she was imparting an ironic punishment on me, sort of a monkey paw wish. Well, she hasn’t forced me to do anything so far. I would describe our current situation more like a chicken game, but instead of colliding at high speed I will get to suck some good titties, and right now I can see the flashing lights just in front of me.

As I was laying there reliving my recent past I didn’t notice that she had removed the cup from her bra revealing her massive tit in all of its glory. And as if that wasn’t enough to drive me even closer to climax she started to massage it, which in turn made it secret some droplets of milk. Was this really about to happen? I didn’t really know how to feel about it anymore, but I had made it too far to go back. This was getting way too weird though, and my nerves were at their limit. I was basically completely mute and unresponsive at that point, all of my effort was focused on making sense of all of this and not coming in my pants.

“Ok darling, here it is, just what you wanted. You just have to suckle and the milk will come out. Remember to keep your lips locked on my nipple so no milk is wasted, but I’m sure you won’t waste anything considering how much you wanted this. Don’t be shy baby, you can start”. Wait what?. As I tried to process what she just said I felt her hand behind my head pushing my face towards her boob, partially sinking my face into her huge mass with my mouth just over her nipple.

“Ok sweetie, now open your mouth. That’s right, good boy. And Now you start to suckle. You know how to suckle, right? Of course you do. That’s it. Good boy, very good” I don’t know why but I just followed every order she made and without noticing it I was suckling from her, with a steady stream of milk filling my mouth. As I was there, submerged in her huge breast and getting filled with her milk as if I was a hungry baby, I couldn’t deny that the taste was rather pleasant, just like cow milk but thinner and bit sweeter. I didn’t expect this, and it made me far more relaxed about the whole situation. I mean if she’s okay with this I guess there’s nothing wrong with it, right?

So I just stood there, suckling hungrily while she patted my head and encouraged me to continue. “Good boy” “that’s it, sweetie” “go on, darling” she said softly as I could feel her loving gaze over me. It all felt so good and relaxing, as if I could stay like this forever, and as I settled into it I started to feel somewhat smaller and even vulnerable. At some point I was just there, as if we were slowly fussing with every passing moment, completely lost in the moment and filled with a bliss I haven’t felt in my life before. I could savor her with every gulp, her milk becoming sweeter after every suckle. Every time I swallowed the only thing in my mind was to suckle as fast as I could just to savor that sweet again, with all of my taste buds feeling overwhelmed by how yummy her milk was. I just stayed like that for what felt like hours, so unaware and at the same time fully focused on her.

It all had felt so perfect and so good. But then I felt it, having forgotten it on my relaxation, a numbness in my crotch that was followed by a violent quake that went all over my body. I was so scared, I couldn’t understand what was going on so I hugged her tightly. “It seems that my little boy it’s about to have a little accident” She said condescendingly. And then it came as if all of my body sent its energy to my crotch. It felt like I was dropping everything I had inside me on that orgasm, and I came so much I almost felt like I was about to leak it everywhere. It just kept coming for what felt like an eternity, all of it while I kept my head sink in her breast and my arms tightly around her comforting figure. “That’s it sweetie, you’re doing great. Mommy will take care of everything, don’t worry”.

Part 3

#domme mommy #fem domme #md/lb #ab/dl stories #ab dl mommy #age regression #ab dl #abdlmommy #abdlbabyboy #breastfeeding kink

[two-shadows-in-the-sun]

my own side order predictions, woo!

inspired by @saldziakrauje thanks my good mutual <3

Rougelite (Free space, right?)

The simulation we’re in is a creation of Marina’s, something spooooky happened, and now it sucked up all the local bystanders! Whoopsies!

Her reasoning for creating it would boil down to some level of nostalgia for being an idol/the splatoon 2 times, trying to relive the square but accidently making a roundabout sort of purgatory for her and all others she trapped inside it.

The main weapons you can use have been hand picked so there was more oppritunities for interesting upgrades (to the point where going down some paths can get your own handmade grizzco weapon basically). In promotional material, we’ve seen the splat dualies and splatana stamper. I believe you’ll start with dualies, and as you progress you’ll unlock more weapons you can start with on your next playthrough. For thematic reasons, I’ll guess there are 8 Total weapons.

While my guesses for all 6 are up in the air, I think we’ll see: H-3 or L-3, Bamboozler, Dread Wringer, and the Splat Brella.

That mystery blue character we see on the promotional banner will serve as a character you can choose to get upgrades at. They give off “potentially mad’ scientist’ vibes, so perhaps theyll be like “i can cast an evil spell on you, but beware! it has a draw back!” and its some risk reward gimmick

The spherical spikey guy on that one promotional art is straight up ‘octowhirl v2’ or something.

Agent Four……. please

After the Agent 4 Battle, hopefully innevitable, four would take also appear the elevator, perhaps with a button you could press at the start of runs to ‘swap yourself and 4’, basically letting you play as an inkling if you’d like.

Moreso a lighthearted idea, but with Eight and Pearl and Acht and Marina and Four, by the end of the campaign the whole elevator would just be filled with characters, perhaps conversing with eachother and whatnot, as a marker of your progression or whatever.

In some way, you’d recieve the Splatoon 2 hero suit as gear for this game, thanks four! You’d also recieve the gear from side order itself, and even the Team Order gear from the finalfest last year.

The DLC would overall have themes of nostalgia and moving on - Marina made this simulation in order to not have to move on, but it broke in some way, Inkopolis Square is now desolate and devoid of color. Even the idea of ‘what would’ve happened if order won?’ is rooted in a sense of being stuck in the past, reminiscing on what could’ve been instead of what has. Eight instead views this situation as one of helplessness, a world they used to know as colorful, their first home on the surface? Its now abstract and a prison once more. Not to mention Four, the agent who’s often seen by the community as ‘the one nintendo forgot about’, taking the role of a shadowy, almost certainly antagonist (brainwashed or otherwise), someone who needs to be saved in one way or another.

#splatoon #side order

[cbsxreader]

Sooo, Christian Pure Spy won the poll on which Freak Fortress character I should start writing, and to start things off:

General relationship headcanons with Christian Pure Spy!

*Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy starts blasting*

He is very polite to you. Picks you up for dates and drops you off after, holds the door open for you, respects the sidewalk rule and doesn't try to rush the relationship.

Loves to talk to you. He can ramble on for hours about gods, angels, demons and other mystical creatures.

But he also loves your voice and listens to everything you say.

Pure enjoys reading books in his past-time and often recommends the best books to you.

Often likes giving you small but thoughtful gifts, usually it's in some way connected to a small thing you mentioned in a conversation once and he's remembered that. You mention your favourite flower? One day he shows up with a whole boquet. You bring up a memory you wish you could relive again? He will arange a date where you go through that experience once more.

Prefers to take you to cafes instead of restaurants simply because it's more quiet and collected. He also likes cafes more because you can hear and understand eachother better.

Sometimes, he surprises you by teleporting you both to a special location (maybe he can't exactly get you to Paris or something like that, but it's the whimsical experience that makes it worth it)

Speaking of dates, he also enjoys walks in the park or in a lush, well kept garden.

If you live together, he wakes up before you so he can make you your preferred beverage in the morning and you can stay in bed.

Doesn't mind making meals for you two. Breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time, dinner, you name it.

Once he's sure you're comfortable with his work, he ends up ranting to you about failed missions or Brutal just being incompetent. This usually happens after you buy some desserts or pastries and talk with him when you notice he's feeling down.

Likes interlocking your arms together or holding hands in public. He likes you being close to him, in other words, safe.

If someone or something interrupts you two, threatening you, he will not hesitate to use his full power against them to protect you. (Just make sure he's alright afterwards)

#christian pure spy x reader #CPS x reader #freak fortress x reader #tf2 freaks x reader #tf2 freakshow x reader

[invested-in-your-future]

If you somehow got forced to actually make Ever After work how would you do it?

That's interesting. I really hate the very concept of Ever After and how its basically a pointless detour and any character development should happen in actual story and believe the current RWBY is beyond "fixing" so this is bit of a torture.

But I can absolutely wiggle out of this one with the tools Alice in Wonderland already provides.

Let's change a few things first. First of all Jaune isn't there. This show is called RWBY after all.

Next, Let's remove the tea part and make it a mirror instead. After all if Alice in Wonderland is the progression and meaninglessness of childhood confronted with the reality of death, Through The Looking Glass is confusing and illogical adulthood. Sure have characters meet all the weird Wonderland inspired creatures and all. Still have Ruby suffer from her traumatic experiences, but also have more meaningful experiences for others (since Jaune not being there freed up a LOT of screentime). They know they can "leave" through the tree, but eventually they learn that there's a mirror at the roots of the tree and one can abandon their identity if they enter through it leaving the world behind. Thus the group is faced with the idea that there might actually be no exit from there, which weighs heavily on their psyche. Ruby ends up going there haunted by her past and Weiss, Blake and Yang both arrive there trying to stop her, but each find themselves in front of the mirror alone. The mirror, tempting each to enter, makes them relive their deepest traumas over and over again and face/fight an apparition of the person that personifies their trauma. Each of them ends up facing their pasts and how much they changed, in the end each shattering the mirror. Except Ruby.

However let's have her team actually manage to stop Ruby from entering it at the last second. After all rejecting the mirror means accepting your trauma and learning to live with it, with support of people close to you if you can't do it alone. Weiss, Blake, Yang, each accept Ruby for who she is, trauma and guilt and all as much as they learned to accept themselves. They don't want her flawless or infallible or "made healthy". Ruby is Ruby, even with all the pain and trauma. Thus the whole team helps Ruby shatter her mirror together, but with the last mirror broken, the tree and the whole realm shatter too leaving an empty dark void(oh gee an OP visuals callback with team in a dark empty void).

The whole of Ever After? All of the bizarre things there? All of it is a lie. Constructed by the team's deepest darkest negative emotions, memories and doubts, a reflection of their own fears and past experiences. All of what each experienced is recontextualized as part of that, as some incomprehensible attempt to drive them to abandon their own very identities by confronting them with their flaws and darkest thoughts. They realize that whatever this place is, this is where Creatures of Grimm "come from". Portals that lead anywhere can only go through something that's everywhere and Nothing is everywhere. There's no meaning or new truths to be found here, no origins of the gods or anything like that. The only things that are here are what enters here. Whatever "This" is, it, attracted to negative emotions and primal fears, digs it's claws into you and eats away at you until nothing is left.

And now having shattered it's grasp on them, falling through this void, holding on to each other, they are moving forward(ha) through the portal, till they eventually fall to Vacuo. Shaken after just having relived all of their traumatic memories they know and accept that all of them, through tragedies and pain, have become pretty different people from when they started but the bond between them remains and they are resolved to face whatever awaits them there.

Honestly that's the best I can do because like I said, the concept of spending entire volume in a filler dimension itself is pointless and I can't do much with that beyond fixing characterization part.

RWBY is way beyond "getting fixed by merely changing one or two things"

#rwby #rwde #rwby9 #rwby volume 9 #rwby rewrite #I can't explain how much I hate Ever After as a concept #I am genuine one hundred percent sure its one of the worst additions to the show ever #there's no way to make it work #I tried okay

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2023 - Day 28 - The Shadow of Death

This is a canon piece that follows after Take Me Instead, the beginning of their captivity with Kane. Bruno and Kane belong to Izzy. Mind the tags!

Taglist: @painful-pooch , @sssunshinebreeze

Masterlist

No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.” | Sacrifice

Contains: lady whump, dude whump, aftermath of vaguely implied noncon, dissociation, captivity, restraints, panic, talk of death, talk of self-sacrifice

.

.

“Kamaria.”

The name floats past her, in and out of her hearing, without meaning anything. Nothing means anything. Nothing is real, the world around her is warped and she floats through it. 

“Kamaria…please. Come back to me, my love.”

A single coherent thought crosses her mind - I don’t want to come back. She doesn’t know why. She has the distinct feeling, though, that if she thinks about it too hard, she’s going to regret it. 

It’s too late, though. The voice keeps beckoning her, and her mind is drawn to it, wanting to identify it and see what it wants. She hears it louder, clearer, and the walls of the room begin to come into focus, then suddenly she’s awake, she’s lying on the ground, there are chains around her wrists and ankles and throat and she hurts. There’s so much pain, and she remembers why. She remembers, before everything went away and she started floating, that she was screaming, and screaming, and screaming, and she couldn’t stop.

She’s screaming now, she realizes. Something between screams and sobs, ripping straight from her chest. She wants to go back to the place where everything was meaningless. She doesn’t want to remember, but now she can’t do anything but remember. 

The one thing she’s always feared finally happened. She’s relived it in her dreams over and over again, the night when she, as a young girl, had to witness her friends and family being attacked. She’s imagined it happening to herself nearly as many times. And now it has. 

Just because it’s over doesn’t mean the fear is gone, though. It’s still choking her, like it’s happening all over again right here, right now. 

“Kamaria, please. It’s over. I’m here.”

Bruno. He’s always tried to keep her safe. He tried this time, too, but he couldn’t. He can’t save her now, from her fear and her memories, but she clings to his voice, anyway. 

“Help, help, help me, help me please…” She doesn’t know what she’s saying, the words spill out on the heels of her sobs as she rolls toward him, trying to find his face through a blur of tears.

“I’m here, I’m right here, love.” His voice is hoarse, a barely-there rasp. She remembers now, that in the midst of her own screaming, he was screaming, too. A heartrending sound that she could barely even focus on. Right now it sounds like he might be crying along with her. “It’s just us. No one else is here. Just breathe, okay? Breathe, Kamaria.”

She can’t breathe, not as long as this pain persists, reminding her of everything that just happened. But she tries. For Bruno, she tries to calm herself. Her eyes finally latch onto his, whole body trembling as she forces deeper breaths into her lungs. 

“That’s it, there you go. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Her face crumples and a fresh batch of tears begin pouring down her cheeks. She hasn’t cried like this in so many years, but she has no control over it right now. She’s so weak. None of this should have ever happened, she should have been able to fight it, but there were just so many of them. And even now, she should be able to handle it. She’s experienced much worse pain than this so many times, has been in so many horrible situations. Why must this be the thing that has her coming undone?

“Ey lamoste, ey lamoste.” He doesn’t need to have to deal with her right now, they need to be figuring out a way to get free and get out of here. She sucks in another breath, trying mostly in vain to wipe her cheek on her shoulder. 

“No, you have no need to be sorry. I’m sorry. So, so sorry, Kamaria, I…I tried, but it wasn’t enough. I failed you. I couldn’t stop them, I wasn’t strong enough for you.”

She shakes her head, swallowing down more tears. “You couldn’t…there was nothing you could do. You shouldn’t have tried to sacrifice yourself.”

“I had to, I couldn’t just let them -!” What little remains of his voice catches, and he looks up at the ceiling, blinking back his own tears. “But I did. I let them do exactly what I was trying to prevent.”

“It’s not your fault. They had you chained up, you had no way of getting to me. I couldn’t fight them, either, I’m the one who…who let them.” Another wave of memory washes over her and she gasps, curling in on herself, pain shooting through her center when she moves. 

“Hey, hey keep breathing, love.” He’s rolled back toward her now, leaning as far forward as he can with the chain around his neck holding him back.  “It’s alright. It’s not your fault, either, okay? You can’t blame yourself. Just keep breathing, and focus on me, right here and now.”

She can’t not blame herself, but she does focus on him, matching her breaths with his for a moment. “If you…if you had managed to sacrifice yourself, like you wanted…if you’d left me behind and gone off to…to die, or whatever you were trying to do…I’d have never forgiven you. I would have hunted him down until I found you and got you back. You’re not supposed to do that, we’re supposed to fight together.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But Kane, he…he’s nearly impossible to beat. He’s too powerful, has too many men behind him, and he knows…he knows exactly what to do to break people. I didn’t want that to happen to you. I deserve what he was going to give me, I’m a war criminal. You don’t deserve any of this. You shouldn’t have to be here.”

“Shut up,” she hisses. “Whatever you did…I know you, and I know you wouldn’t do it without a really good reason. That doesn’t mean you deserve death, or captivity, or any of the rest of it.”

Bruno sighs heavily, wincing a little and readjusting his position. They must have beaten him at some point, he has a split lip and a bruise forming on his cheekbone. “I had a very, very good reason for it. And I will tell you about it…someday, I promise. But that doesn’t change the fact that I committed a crime, and Kane is determined to make me pay for it. He won’t be satisfied with just my death, though. He could have taken me up on my offer if that was the case. He wants to punish me, and…” He gazes at her, eyes full of sadness. “And he’ll use you to do it.”

The thought of having to go through what just happened again makes her heart stop beating for a moment, but she pushes through this time, forcing her lungs to work, forcing her expression back into neutral, clenching her jaw until it aches to keep herself under control. It hasn’t been this hard to do so for a long, long time. 

“I can handle pain,” she tells him once she’s sure she can speak without crying. “You know I can.”

His face says that he knows exactly what’s going through her head, regardless of what she’s saying aloud. “I know. That doesn’t mean I want you to, though. Watching you go through everything with Roderick was bad enough, I…” Shaking his head, he stares at the ceiling again. 

“Kamaria, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the coming days. It’s going to be hard, and I don’t know how long he’ll let me survive. I will do everything I can to protect you, though.”

“I don’t need you to protect me. Protect yourself for once, please.”

“Not if it means…” He turns to her, and he looks almost…defeated. “Not if it means you going through that again. I can’t…” He swallows hard, breath shuddering as he draws it in. “I’m going to do everything I can to protect you. And I want you to remember, no matter what happens to us, that I love you, okay? I will always love you.”

Saying it is still so new, it feels like trying to learn Common all over again. That doesn’t make it any less true, though. “I love you, too, Bruno. Always. Ey ti ameil.”

“Ey ti ameil.” 

She doesn’t poke fun at him for his accent, he’s so genuine and the moment is too fragile. At any moment, the little bit of peace they’ve found will shatter. She’s always prided herself on being strong, but she isn’t, not right now. She needs him, needs his love, to get through. 

They have to make it through.

#whumptober2023 #no.28 #lyric #we might not make it to the morning so go on and tell me now #sacrifice #original content #fic #implied noncon tw #dissociation tw #captivity tw #restraints tw #panic tw #death mention tw #self sacrifice tw #shadow of death #kamaria the assassin #bruno stenberg #brumaria #lady whump #lady whumpee #dude whump #aftermath of noncon #romance #high fantasy #fantasy oc #whump series

[actuallyastingray]

Time Travel Batman Part 1

Follow up to my “what if” prompt about Batman traveling back to his early vigilante years. Link to the original post Here. Gonna split this one into a few parts for sanity’s sake

So let’s say Bruce ends up in his early years as Batman, probably only a few weeks into this whole vigilante biz. What happens?

Well for starters, you gotta consider that Batman is the most paranoid person in the DC universe. He’s gonna automatically assume that Spellbinder or Ra’s al ’Ghul got the drop on him and he’s reliving some twisted memory

That said, the longer this whole “act” goes on, the more his rational side; the side that’s had to deal with magic, alternate realities, and yes, time travel, starts to tell him this isn’t a trick.

Basically he just starts out jumping at shadows/Alfred, pretending he’s not crazy 

The stress of reliving the past starts to get to him in a lot of ways

Alfred, obviously, who isn’t dead anymore

Waking up to a hot meal instead of having to microwave everything/wait for Terry to show up and help

Not being 90 years old and dealing with arthritis and failing organs has to merit for somethings, like being able to walk up and down stairs without assistance

Brooding in front of the Batcomputer and trying to reread old files only to realize said files don't exist yet

Grabbing a toolbox and going to tune up the Batmobile or the Batwing, except “surprise” he hasn't built those yet.

Can’t brood in front of the suit display case either cause, what do you know, don’t have any sidekicks yet either

Speaking of whom, he gets little moments where he really, REALLY misses his kids

Reading in the library and unconsciously picks up an author Jason used to swear by

Walking the hedge gardens which are miraculously clean and intact without Damian using them for sword practice

He just stops and stares at the foyer chandelier and wondering how exactly they got it to look good as new after Dick broke it, only to realize it hasn’t been broken yet

Staying up till 3:00am just brooding (cause he doesn’t have too many cases yet) until Alfred convinces him to go to bed. Bruce catches himself telling Tim to go to bed too.

Stays up all night just wishing someone would come speeding into the cave on a motorbike or on the Batwing just to make things “normal”

The tipping point is honestly Ace/Titus (take your pick which one). Bruce comes home after just walking the streets all day and remembering how bad Gotham used to be before Batman. He’s not in a good place when he gets back so when he walks in the door and whistles for his dog, no one comes. Yeah, Bruce Wayne has a breakdown over wanting his dog back.

I guess it’s worth mentioning at this point that Alfred, being the only person who can keep Batman alive in between cases, knows stuff is not right with Bruce, but seeing as his charge has gone jumpy, paranoid, distant, and on a hunger strike, he hasn’t been able to get a word in edgewise

That said, when Bruce wakes back up, he gets the telling off of his life, the kind that only a concerned Dadler would be able to do. Seeing as an angry Alfred is the one of the only things able to put fear into Bruce, he sobers up to reality really fast

I’ll leave this as the tipping point for Bruce realizing he’s got a second chance to undo all the mistakes of his previous life. Not just with his kids, but seeing as he knows how everything is gonna go down, he’s going to aim high and succeed. And if you don’t think he won’t; he’s the freaking Batman, AKA the guy with enough plot armor to let him fight Superman one on one. 

Okay so maybe things will go differently. Next up, the Rogues Gallery and how Bats handles them this time around.

#batman #time travel fix it #story prompt #fanfic prompt #batfam #alfred pennyworth

[sweetestberryofthebunch]

35 with lemyanka for this very rainy day (in here) 🌈

Mar, do you want to kill me with this fluffy intimacy prompt? Because it’s working… i feel you though, it’s a very snowy day for me, and you know, they’re Canadians too, so that’s the route i took. Thank you for requesting though, you know I have a soft spot for them. Also sorry for the angsty route this took, I don’t really know what happened there…

Warning for minor smut mentions!

35: Tummy kisses, butterflies

It was a mistake. They had promised to not do this again, sworn to work on mending their friendship and leave their twisted past behind. Meeting up had been purely practical, Lemon had put Priyanka’s last belongings in one big moving box, trying her best not to look at the framed pictures, the last few shirts she found in her laundry that she used to steal, the mug that was shaped like a dachshund. And Priyanka had driven over in her fiery red car in which’s backseat they had done unspeakable things in several parking lots all over the city. The memory stung like a needle in your fingertips, but Lemon had remained calm and casual as she invited Priyanka inside, if just to go over everything one more time, to be sure that even the last remains of Priyanka were leaving Lemon’s apartment. That’s when the snow had started.

A cup of coffee, a little bit of smalltalk and a lot of longing stares later and it still hadn’t stopped. So Priyanka stayed for dinner as the street outside froze over, the entire world under an icy, thick layer of frost. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Priyanka’s car didn’t start and one glance at the time was enough for her to slump back against her seat. No one was going to answer their phone to come jumpstart her now. A short moment of silence followed, Lemon standing next to the car with her phone flashlight on, Priyanka in the drivers seat with her face buried in her hands, elbows against the steering wheel. But they had slept in the same place together uncountable times, what was one more night?

So Priyanka stayed over, changed from her purple blouse and sweater vest into one of her old shirts, the smell of Lemon’s perfume still detectable through the fabric softener. Temperatures continued to drop, the radio gave out a warning before Lemon turned it off, assembling all of her throw pillows and blankets on the couch for Priyanka.

How exactly it happened then, Lemon couldn’t quite remember. But instead of saying goodnight and retreat to separate rooms, they fell between her sheets like the snowflakes outside. From there on, it was impossible to tell memory, dream and reality apart. In the darkness of her room, they relived their past. Priyanka was back on top of her, her bare skin against Lemon’s, soft lips against her own, her neck, her chest, further down… Fingernails dug into the milky skin of her hips, drawing sounds from Lemon that no one else ever had. Lemon’s own hands were buried in Priyankas hair, making quick work of her clip and tossing it carelessly to the ground, letting the full length of raven volume fall free. It was just as soft as she remembered from countless nights of braiding Priyanka’s hair lazily as they watched some dumb TV show. Back when nothing else in the world really mattered, when they had been the center of each others world, all that really mattered. Tears stung in the corners of Lemon’s eyes, and she wasn’t sure if the sounds she let out were more sobs or whines or something else entirely. All she knew was Priyanka was back between her legs, and Lemon had never seen stars quite like this.

As Priyanka made her way back up her body, stopping by her stomach to pepper a whole serenade of gentle, butterfly like kisses around her bellybutton, the realisation hit her. No one had ever made Lemon feel as alive as Priyanka did. No one else ever could.

#sandwich cookie <3 #lemyanka #berry’s writings

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1073: Morning Coffee Date (Super Smash Bros Ultimate X Mother 3)

9:34 a.m. at LeBlanc Café...........

Ludwig: (Chuckles Lightly) You punched the prince from across the room with ease?

Kumatora: (Snorts into a Laugh) Yep!~ With no force or strings attached. It was never really my intent to hurt the guy in the first place, but he kept yammering on and on about how I don't look, dress, act like a.....(Moves Both of her Two Fingers Up and Down) "Proper Lady" and tried to kiss me numerous of times. And this all happened AFTER his parents tried to get us arranged for that dumb marriage, can you believe that crap!?

Ludwig: That happened more often than you think I'm afraid. But I'm glad you didn't went through the ordeal in the end.

Kumatora: (Smirks Playfully at her Date in Front of Her) Why? You jealous of him or something?~

Ludwig: (Playfully Scoffs) Oh please. It'll be a sad day if I ever get jealous of privileged brat like him. I just find the idea getting married in an young age ridiculous is all.

Kumatora: Right? Like, I'm all for mushy romance and junk, but not to the point of me getting hitched against ny own free will by some rando I've never met in my life! (Place her Cheek on Top of her Knuckle While Pouting) Really starting to tick me off here.....

Ludwig: It's best not to think too about the situation entirely. It'll do your mental psyche all the better.

Kumatora: ('Sigh') Yeah, you do have a point there. (Takes a Sip of her Coffee Before Smiling Again) Instead, let's talk about that crappy nickname of yours~

Ludwig: (Grimamce at the Thought) Do we really have to talk about it now? I'd rather not relive that embarrassing part of my past......

Kumatora: (Clasps her Hands Together as She Gives Ludwig the Puppy Dog) Pleeeease?~ I promise I won't make fun of you for it.

Ludwig: ('Sighs in Defeat') Alright. If you're really going to fulfill your promise.....When we were younger and before Junior was born, my siblings and I would give each other nicknames, most if not all of them are more juvenile in their own right. Larry was given the name "Cheatsy", Morton has "Big Mouth", Wendy has "Kootie Pie", Lemmy and Iggy was called "Hip & Hop" respectively, Roy has "Bully surprise-surprise, and I was unfortunate enough to be called.....('Sigh').......Kooky.....

Kumatora: (Starts Snickering, Trying her Hardest Not to Laugh) K-Kooky?~

Ludwig: ('Sigh') Yes, Kooky, starting with the letter K. My childhood growing up, was anything but proper. (Pick his Phone Up From his Side of the Table as Starts Searching for Something On It) I was sleep deprived, talked into this made up evil scientist accent, and my hair was a complete mess. (Shows Kuma a Picture Of his Younger Self on hus Phone) See?

Kuma: (Eyes Widened at the Picture Before Slowly Breaks into Laughter) Oh my godhahaha!~ You look like an eveil little munchkin!~

????????: I know, right?~

Ludwig looks up to see Futuba and Yusuke standing behind Kumatora's seat while looking at the picture themselves.

Yusuke: Despite its messiness, the hairstyle seems to fitted quite well to be frank.

Futuba: (Smiles Brightly at Ludwig) You didn't tell us you were such a cutie back then, Luddy!~

Kumatora: LUDDY!? (Laughs Louder as She Buries her Head onto the Table and Starts Banging on it)

Ludwig: (Puts on a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Ah yes. How could I ever forget my current nickname? (Turns his Attention to Futuba and Yusuke) What brings you two here? Besides poking fun at abnormal childhood.

Futuba: Oh nothing of the sorts. I called Inari over here so we can have ourselves a morning date.

Ludwig: Morning date? (Eyes Widened at the Realization) Wait. The two of you are an actually couple now?

Futuba: (Happily Nodded) Yep!~ About time, huh?

Yusuke: (Smiles Softly) We're still adjusting to the whole ordeal ourselves, but I believe it won't be that much of a problem so long as we're together. (Gets Happily Hugged by his Girlfriend Beside Him)

Ludwig: I see.

Kumatora: (Finally Calming Herself Down by Panting) Really?.....Wow......(Wipes a Single Tear From her Eyes) ('Whew') That's great to hear.....

Ludwig: Yes it is. (Starts Smirking a Bit Evilly) Excellent even.......

Futuba: (Slowly Raises an Eyebrow at the Eldest Koopaling) Luddyyyyyyy.......What's with that Smirk on your face?

Ludwig: Ohhh nothing of the sorts. Just thinking of a favor I need from you is all.

Futuba: Which is?

Ludwig: Would you be a dear and give Yusuke a kiss on the lips so I can take pictures?

Futuba: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock While Blushing) WHAAAAT!? HAVE YOU HEARD WHAT YUSUKE JUST SAID!? WE'RE STILL ADJUSTING HERE!!! W-WE NEVER EVEN KISSED BEFORE FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

Yusuke: Wait, didn't I kissed you under the Mistletoe that one time?

Futuba: (Turns to Yusuke) It was on the cheek, Inari, and we weren't even dating that time!

Yusuke: But your face has gotten red at the time like you are now-

Futuba: (Face Starts Getting Redder) HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY RELATED TO THE CONVERSATION AT HAND!?

Kumatora: Well, if we're talking howkisses goes, shouldn't that one technically counts as a first one?

Futuba: Not if it's not on the lips!?

Sojiro: (Standing Behind the Counter While Sighing) My baby girl has her first kiss already? Really am getting old........

Futuba: (Points at Her Coffee Dad) YOU STAY OUT IF THIS, SOJIRO! (Grabs Both Sides of her Head and Looks Up at the Ceiling in Frustration) ('Arggggh') This is getting us nowhere......(Angrily Points at Ludwig) YOU! Explain why you want us to kiss, right now!!

Ludwig: A bet between Roy and I was at hand at the time-

Futuba: YOU BETTED ON US!!?

Ludwig: .........Yes. Yes, we did. But in my defense, I was rooting for you two to get together. Roy l, on the other hand, thought you would chickened out at the last second.

Futuba: HE WHAT!? I'LL KILL HIM!

Sojiro: Futuba, would you please stop yelling already? I have café to run, remember?

Futuba: (Starts Noticing a Few Customers Staring at Her Before Laughing Awkwardly) Eheheh......S-Sorry about that....everyone.

Customers begins to chat among themselves once again.

Ludwig: ('Sigh') Okay, look, I apologize for betting om you two for something trivial. But if you do this for me, then I'll do whatever you want in return.

Futuba: (Raises an Eyebrow) Anything?

Ludwig: Anything you desire, yes. As long as it isn't illegal.

Futuba: Welllllllll......It's been a while since we've hung out before.

Ludwig: I was busy.

Futuba: ('Scoffs') Yeah right!

Ludwig: I was!

Futuba: With what? Hmmm?

Ludwig: With.....stuff.

Futuba: Was it research related?

Ludwig: No!.....Yes.

Futuba: Thought so. But since we brought it up....(Buts on a Cheeky Smile) I think it's high time we have ourselves a anime bench watching session tonight, double date edition!

Kumatora: (Smiles Brightly) Sweet! I'm down.

Ludwig: I suppose that wouldn't be too much of a-

Futuba: Also, I wanna play around with your hair.

Ludwig: (Eyes Widened) Wait, what!? Why!?

Futuba: Why not? Your hair is freaking majestic, dude! There's sooo many styles I can do with it alone!

Yusuke: I'm inclined to agree. It would be interesting to see what a new, imaginable hairstyle would look like on you.

Kumatora: Yeah, Luddy, give it chance. You'll might end up liking it probably.

Ludwig: (Eyes on Kuma) I see that you're putting good use in my nickname there.

Kumatora: What can i say? It represents you quite well, handsome~ (Winks at Ludwig)

Ludwig: (Immediately Starts to Blush) I-I'm....(Clears his Throat Before Shyly Looking Away) Glad you....like it so....

Futuba: D'awwww!~ Are you blushing right now?

Kumatora: So cute~

Ludwig: (Looks Back at Futuba With a Glare) No! I....(Sighs Heavily as He Pinches his Nose) Forget it. You can do my hair. Just....don't make it look any hideous and you.got yourself a deal.

Futuba: (Smiles Brightly) Sweet! (Turns to Yusuke and Places her Hands on Both of his Cheeks) Pucker up, Inari!

Yusuke: If you in-MPMMH!?

Before Yusuke could finish his sentence, he immediately gets pulled into his first, indirect kiss with his girlfriend, Futuba Sakura.

Ludwig: (Uses his Phone to Take a Picture) Stay like that for a few more seconds annnnnnd.....('Click') Got it. (Looks at the Picture Front of Him) Looks perfect already.

Ludwig shows the picture to Kumatora, who returns, happily gives him a thumbs up before sending it to his brother.

Futuba: (Immediately Pulls Herself Away From Yusuke Before Exhaling her Breath) Ooookay! That's enough for now.....

Yusuke: (Almost at a Lossof Words) That....was our kiss.....

Futuba: Yep. Our very first one apparently.....Whatcha think?

Yusuke: (Eyes Begins to Sparkle) Magnificent.

Meanwhile at the Smash Mansion's Living Room.......

Roy: (Laying on the Sofa While Talking to Someone on the Phone) Look, man, I'm just saying: I love my bro to pieces. But how in the hell could a shut in nerd like him managed to bagged in a tough ass princess like her is beyond me at this- (Suddenly Hears a Bing on his Phone) Wait, hang on a second bro. I got a text to read.

Roy puts his call on hold as checks out the message that was sent to him.....Which happens to be a picture of Futuba and Yusuke kissing and the second on being Ludwig giving him a wise cracking smirk while Kuma hugging him and holding up a peace sign.

Roy: (Couldn't Believe What's in Front of Him Right Now) ......And now I owe him fifty bucks. (Facepalms Himself) Greaaaaaat........

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@caleb13frede

@princekirijo

@theweebmaster31

#super smash ultimate #persona 5 #ludwig von koopa #kumatora #futaba sakura #yusuke kitawaga #roy koopa #sojiro sakura #cute romance #humor #fluff #coffee date #morning coffee #ludwig x kuma #futaba x yusuke #edited

[haylos-ukiyo]

TO LOVE AND TO HOLD

Dabi's childhood was nothing short of filled with trauma. That, of course, resulted in him never letting people pass arm's length. Except for you. Despite the slow repairs he's making with his siblings, you've managed to snake your way in further and sooner than anyone else. Wrapping yourself around his finger with determination to break down those walls. It had taken months just to stay calm around all three siblings at once, and within just a few weeks, he had let you kiss him.

Any request his siblings request he almost always shuts down. Turning away and saying no with no regrets. And yet the moment you plead for something, looking innocent with passion and want, he finds himself in conflict with be able to say no to you. He shouldn't. He knows that. He should say no and walk away as he does with everyone else. If anything, he should do more. You weren't a part of his past. You had nothing to do with "mending" the old him. A part of him didn't care, though. He almost wanted you to do so much more.

Tonight, he was crashing at your place again. He has refused to move in, yet. Each time this happened, the scenario would be the same. Dabi tries to sleep on your couch and in the middle of the night, you'd wake from your bed only to slowly convince him to join you. Tugging at his arms and softly speaking near his ear till he was coaxed into whatever you said. You learned he was more likely to say yes while tired. This time, it was different. You both went your respective ways to sleep like always. (Not without trying to convince him to lay with you and failing.)

2:34 read your clock as you woke from the night once again. Wishing there was a warmth only he can fulfill next to you. As you got up from the heat of the covers you heard a muffled sound from across the door. You slowly made your way to the noise and cracked open the door. Against it was slumped the slender figure you recognized. Wearing nothing but boxers and a loose t-shirt.

"Please" you strained your ears to understand him before quickly kneeling to his side. "M sorry, just for tonight. Let me be here again." Your hand reached his head. Stroking through the knots as you pulled his head to your chest. Usually, it always took some convincing to get him to lie down with you. You knew something must've really been eating at him if he was letting his emotions control him like this.

"What is it?" He said nothing. Trying not to sniffle around you. That's fine he'll tell you when he's ready. You, like all others, were no stranger to the Todoroki family drama. "Cmere, let's lay down." You stood up with him and laid on the bed. Instead of the usual position like all other nights where he let you snuggle to his side he now laid on top of your chest. Listening for the steady rhythm that would remind him of you. It was quiet for some time. Nothing but Dabi's stuttered breathing and your hand soothing him to hear.

You focused on what you knew would help. Nails slightly scratching and massaging the scalp as your fingers go through. Another hand rubbing slowly up and down his side and back. Careful not to raise his shirt. You learned his boundaries and would never touch him without him clearly letting you. The whole time he thought about how good you were for him. The shit he's done and you still want to do anything for him. You're here comforting a serial killer while he relived his trauma. So what if he's tryna "redeem himself"? What a load of bullshit, truthfully he was just too scared to die despite his big talk. Now he was scared of what you were doing to him.

The more you broke his walls, the more he tried to actually cope with what happened instead of burning others for fun. The closer he got to you, the more he accepted himself. He hated it. But he couldn't hate you. "Touya." He could never hate you. "Hmm?" Your hands stopped, eyes half-lidded from the tired trying to take over. "You're the only one allowed to say that name." He could never ever hate you. He tried. It never worked. "Not even your siblings say it?" Despite the half-joking humorous tone you put in the question, you wondered if this had anything to do with what he was upset about. "Told em I'd burn em if they did." He did, actually. He wasn't ready to hear them say it. It was too fast for him. But not for you. Because in truth, instead of hating you.. "Ok, I like that. Makes me feel special." Your hand resumed stroking his hair. A smile creeps its way on your face before fully letting your eye close. "You're the only one that's special." .. instead of hating you, he absolutely loved you.

#mha #bnha #fanfic #dabi #dabimha #crosspost #oneshot #dabioneshot