#but the reason I know it's not 'just social anxiety' is I get just as anxious if not more when there are *no* people around

[ladymirdan]

There’s a dumbass 4chan thing being shared in groups I’m in where Amazon is supposedly forcing GW to make female custodes bc they want them in the show and HC might walk and ruin GW’s stock and other stupid shit. I know it’s dumb but it’s triggering my anxiety really badly and I can’t get the thought out of my head, especially because these groups are normally a space I feel safe in but there’s been one or two idiots ever since the announcement that has been toxic and it’s hard to enjoy 40k now

I understand, and I'm sorry. I wish these people could be reasoned with, but they cant, because they dont really care about Warhammer, they care about “the issue”. Pointing out things like “the authors of Black Library has fought for this for years” is like water on a duck.

The thing I usually do when I come across those people is try to not engage (difficult, I know, and I fail a lot of times), log off social media for a moment, and go to my local Warhammer store (the offical ones are the best at this).

Seeing the energy from people actually playing the game is so diffrent and sobering. I made a roadtrip across yourube last summer and made a point to visit every GW store along the way, and every single one had happy, excited staff and customers. And it always fills me with that hope and joy again.

I dont do Reddit that much, because its home to some chronically online people that just manages to bait me every time. I like Tumblr the most because its is 99% people to share their hobby experiences (and two angry guys screaming into a bucket).

That being said, the show might be cancelled, it might suck, but Warhammer will survive. It's not like it hasn't had shitty shows before. My favourite one is that Ultramarine movie, which is so bad that it becomes good again.

But you are also right, I have been giving these idiots too much of a platform they dont usually have. And I will be returning to my regular content again, which is geeking out about Ultramarines, Iron Warriors, Emperors Children, Nightlords, or some other flavour of the week (right now Aeldari,)I have been putting off building for a while since my hobby space is a bit messy, but I will clean it up and post more lovely pictures of mini butts.

This will blow over, it always does.

#40k #warhammer 40k #warhammer #I do love this community

[isfjmel-phleg]

After my presentation of the Secret Garden and CEN paper, someone in the audience asked about applying the lens of CEN to other children's book from the same era. I thought about it afterward, and the best example that came to mind was Anne of Green Gables.

Anne Shirley, before her arrival at Green Gables, has experienced CEN. It has played out in a much different way for her than it does for Mary and Colin in TSG, due to differences in social class, but the principle has been the same. As an orphan raised in homes that viewed her as an inconvenience and a sort of unpaid servant, she has never had an adult in her life who prioritized her emotional well-being, who took the time to be kind to her, to listen to her, to teach her how to function in the world beyond basic survival. She is aware that no one wants her after her parents' death, and she is made to feel guilty by her caretakers for having the audacity to exist and need to be "brought up by hand." It's difficult for Anne to even talk about these experiences when Marilla asks her. She's relieved to get relating them over with, because "Evidently she did not like talking about her experiences in a world that had not wanted her."

And then there's this exchange:

“Were those women—Mrs. Thomas and Mrs. Hammond—good to you?” asked Marilla, looking at Anne out of the corner of her eye. “O-o-o-h,” faltered Anne. Her sensitive little face suddenly flushed scarlet and embarrassment sat on her brow. “Oh, they meant to be—I know they meant to be just as good and kind as possible. And when people mean to be good to you, you don’t mind very much when they’re not quite—always. They had a good deal to worry them, you know. It’s a very trying to have a drunken husband, you see; and it must be very trying to have twins three times in succession, don’t you think? But I feel sure they meant to be good to me.”

Anne has clearly been mistreated, but she's describing--and pointedly not describing--suggests less of aggression and physical harm and more of something missing, an emptiness, a lack of love--CEN. Likewise, she herself exhibits some signs that can be associated with this type of maltreatment. Difficulty with emotional regulation, attachment problems, extreme sensitivity to rejection, negativity toward herself, excessively immersing herself in imagination (a mild dissociative tendency), anxiety around social situations (regarding how to behave correctly and whether people will like her), etc.

And in a way, the entire first book of the series deals with how she finds healing from her past of CEN, through gaining the love and acceptance of her new family, of friends, of an entire community.

From what little I know of L. M. Montgomery's life, CEN was likely a factor in her own upbringing, and it repeatedly features in her novels (The Blue Castle and Jane of Lantern Hill, for instance, in particular feature heroines who have experienced CEN) with poignancy. Montgomery paints moving portraits of how badly children can be scarred by a lack of love and affirmation.

Anyway, situating Anne's backstory as rooted in CEN helped me put my finger on one of the reasons that I felt that the recent series Anne With an E--at least the first season, which is all I've seen--misunderstood the nature of Anne's past. In this version, we see flashbacks to Anne's past, in which she is being viciously bullied by other children for her talkativeness and imagination. They even go so far as to stuff a mouse into her mouth, and the show suggests that Anne has PTSD as a result of this kind of treatment.

And yeah, Anne's childhood in the book isn't great and clearly has hurt her deeply, but this interpretation felt off to me. What Anne has to say--and not say--about her past in the book suggests not that she was targeted as an object of others' aggression but that she was disregarded. No one was giving her a second thought. That's not as dramatic and shocking as vicious bullying, but it's another, more subtle, insidious kind of maltreatment, just as hurtful in its way but harder to pin down. It's easy to portray a quick, sensational scene of our protagonist being obviously, overtly, grandiosely mistreated, but how do you show the gradual piling up of years' and years' of being treated like you don't matter? All the tiny incidents that chip away at one's sense of self-worth? The building of a worldview in which you must earn love and acceptance but somehow you can never manage it and of course it's your own fault?

And I'm reminded how recent adaptations and retellings of TSG shift the narrative toward grief, which is easy to dramatize, big and impressive and full of obvious pathos. It's an easy way out of depicting a subtler kind of suffering, and the same way, Anne With an E replaces Anne's CEN with bullying and PTSD. There is a place for such stories, but Anne's isn't one of them. It's almost as if there's an inability to understand or a reluctance to depict any kind of suffering that isn't big and grand and shocking. There are many ways that people can be deeply hurt, and it doesn't always look like a major traumatic event that's easy to pinpoint. Sometimes the hurt isn't a tidal wave that engulfs in a single devastating event; it's a slow drip that erodes oneself away little by little. That's closer to what is depicted for Anne, and Montgomery's other protagonists who have experienced CEN, and it's important to recognize what exactly is going on because this sort of thing still happens every day in the real world, in many forms, and it needs to be seen and combatted. And seeing this form of maltreatment play out in literature helps us recognize it and empathize with and reach out to those whom it has impacted--or possibly even to identify it in our own histories and search for our own healing.

#I apologize if not everything is phrased perfectly - I'm just working through some initial thoughts on this #but I hope the point of what I'm trying to communicate will get through

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[hella1975]

hella I'm out for a friend's bday and I typically don't visit restaurants like it's a whole thing w my friends how UNAWARE I am of shit. Anyways so I ordered a burger that I didn't know would have so fucking much added on it, this thing was HUGGEEEEE I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDNT WARN ME ABT THIS. I was chided by my friends for not requesting a burger with less on it, I DIDNT KNOW. so this burgers huge I don't know how to eat it I'm cutting it into pieces and it's falling apart and there's stuff I'm trying to pick off of it, it is a nightmare on my plate my friends are absolutely making fun of me with how I've just decimated this thing. and um. I wore my nice clothes today I can't lie it was my fit with my patched up jean jacket and pinwheel hat also I've got a mullet and my hair curls so ive been told i could he on stranger things. very silly of me. WELL I GUESS IT GOT ALL THE WAITRESSES ATTENTION. THEY WOULD COME OVER JUST TO SAY THEY REALLY LIKED MY OUTFIT AND IM HERE HUNCHED OVER MY PLATE I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. the waitress who took my plate was so nice abt it but I've suffered greatly today

CANT BELIEVE IM SEEING THIS SO LATE BUT THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY. you got beaten by a burger. do better

#im glad the waitresses were nice!!!!!! imo compliments from waitresses are the most authentic kind #it's like if a child says you're cool like you KNOW they're being dead fucking honest for better or worse #and waitressing you have soooo many interactions like it's such a socially draining job that anxiety tends to go out the window #even with introverted waitresses so odds are they were literally just saying it for no other reason than bc it's true #i had the reverse the other day i was in the toilets middle of my long as fuck shift trying to fix myself bc i just looked and felt grim #and this random customer came out and was like 'i love your eyeliner btw!' and i almost CRIEDDDDDD #bc id had an utter meltdown with my eyeliner that morning as well like it was NOT a good eyeliner day i fully rubbed it all off #and started again at one point which NEVER happens to me. so she said that and i was like girl do not do this to me rn 😭 #anyway im getting off topic! glad ur outfit was bomb and that ur friends laughed at you for being unable to defeat a burger <3 #ask

[pansyfemme]

i wish i was better at making online friends there are so many ppl that i dont even see on here anymore i thought were sooo cool and then was just too nervous to strike up conversation until it all died down

#i also think about how over the years ive gotten easily over a dozen anons saying they thought i was hot or had a crush on me. #and i know they were anons but like. should i have done something abt that. was that a lost connection #many lost connections? #im just honestly. very very nervous #when i first started blogging i assumed much like ppl i’d seen online that my severe social anxiety wouldnt be as bad online. that isnt true #sometimes i can barely catch my breath when im dming someone #even my close friends know im not a great texter #its sad. i always want to but get too scared to #im not against any of it. friends or dating or anything its just im. perpetually nervous #for some reason posting and replying to posts and sending asks doesnt even feel scary but dming does #and theres also been the rare times that ive had ppl on here i was.. not not into #its rare for me to admit that at all but like idk even what to do with that

[mentally-spiraling]

wanting to be involved in your friend group as well as sharing your interest and anything about yourself

but you keep stopping bc all you can think is "who cares" and start getting so anxious about saying anything when it comes to your interests that they no longer feel like actual interest and you slowly loose enjoyment from them bc it somehow feels fake

like you know you're only gonna be about something for a month or 2 and now you don't get too invested into anything, especially not anything you're willing to gush about :\

#mental health #avpd #social anxiety #bpd #cluster c #avoidant personality disorder #been thinking about how ive been trying to push myself to just talk about anything im enjoying with friends #only to 1. coming up with nothing. and 2. feeling like why would give a damn if i did find something im interested in rn #it's gotten to the point where i see them talking about stuff i do like or know about #but get really stressed at the thought of dropping in and joining the convo like i constantly feel like im not welcomed for no reason

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out #elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something #bc i certainly do #maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances #like it’s difficult for me to leave the house #do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty #trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth #after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards #into stuff a lot of the time #trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me #even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty #but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them #idk it’s all just so frustrating #i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really #like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone #but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new #bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes #i wish it were easy but it isn’t #idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again #and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t #it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time #and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon #but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside #and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start #and the cycle continues #christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’ #i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with #idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year #and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it #but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[parapsychoiogy]

turns out the manager i was scared shitless hated me doesnt hate me im just an idiot who doesnt understand social interactions

#turns out if you dont know how to talk to people unless they want you to do something you dont understand how people feel about you #in my defence how are you suppose to talk to anyone let alone a manager who you know nothing about and who hasnt talked to you first #okay seriously i mean this so seriously i can do phone calls i can do Anything its not social anxiety i just dont ! get people #guy (me) projecting his conplete unwillingness to label people as 'friends' or even 'nice associates' if they dont do so first onto others #maybe im also a little stressed about thos for other reasons i shant disclose thats for the mirror to have to listen to later #guy (me) who treats himself like such a nonentity that hes shocked when people consider her a human person who they know #turns out i exist and people know i exist and remember my name and shit (wild concept)

[starsonmarsy]

there's something so funny about being horny on the internet but being so fucking shy like. i'll make horny posts and shit but irl if you asked me to make a phone call i'd cry

it's genuinely hilarious

#every day it's my whorish tendencies vs my social anxiety #unstoppable force vs immovable object #actually most of the kinky people i know well are anxious mfs like how does that work pls #and what's also weird is my problem is phone calls #like do i get anxious in voice calls? yeah but significantly less than phones for some reason?? it just radiates a different energy #like having a phone to my ear and sounding like a dumbass vs sounding like a dumbass into hehe glowy microphone #my entire personality is a contradiction #fuck i'm tag rambling again #mars.txt

[yukinyaminyato]

feeling kinda anxious abt going to class so i clipped my new pink walrus squishmallow to my tote bag to hopefully make me feel less nervous 🥹

#honestly there's no real reason for me to b this anxious but :/ i know someone i know will be in the same course #and i thought we were sorta friends the last time i saw her it seemed like she didn't care if we never met again.... #might be just my social anxiety talking but idk that's how my brain took her behaviour #i don't even need this course i don't need any extra credits i just signed up bc otherwise i would have had only 1 class this semester #and my mental health wouldve gone to shambles bc i need more routines than just going to class only once a week </3 #trying to get a part time job as well but idk i haven't rlly applied to any place yet..... #but at least i have smth to do with the few classes before i eventually get some job :| #my posts

[talesofunlikelysapphicpairings]

I admire my crush's dedication to her craft. Like, yes, please. Give us what you want. I don't care what it is— I'm sure it's beautiful. My life has literally been in flames lately and I feel like I'm at war with everyone and everything around me. But every time I am reminded of her I do a little dance and a little giggle.

(Also, I don't need her to be here to feel her, you know. I see Warrior Nun, I'm reminded of her. I see my journal, I'm reminded of her. I see the bulk of romantic letters that I wrote for her, I'm reminded of her.)

I like the idea of the potential right now, of the fantasy. It is what keeps me from going insane (or maybe I already am) so let me have it. 😋

There's beauty in falling in love with the possibility. Tragedy, too, but I'm focusing on what makes me feel good right now. Dante Alighieri did it; so, will I.

#I have this idea for an album called 'ever romantic' and I have completed five songs for it #it's just me be hopeless romantic of course #and it's not like I am going to release anytime soon but let me thank my crush because she's the reason I finished most of the songs #I also need to get back on writing but like I said I have been going through it #I also need to sleep but I am trying to achieve the impossible here because of my college course #do not take political science :))) #just some crush thoughts because you know me #I still will not tell who it was #I can persuaded by her #just kidding #I don't know how to talk to her sooooo #bye now #lol I'm not a teenager anymore and my cousins have been telling me to get a gf or something #Please I haven't even kissed a girl yet how tf do I talk to one long enough to have a gf #I have social anxiety and I am super shy in person #HAHAHAHAHAHA don't believe that I am really chatty to people whom I am not attracted to #I am foot in mouth when it comes to someone I am infatuated with #okay srsly bye now

[cowboy-robooty]

everyone.. just so u know it is robooty culture for me to take a few days-forever to respond to ur asks or replys on mein poasts okay ^o^ i require time because i get stressed out by literally Anything

#unironically i post drawings for comments and interaction thats why i reward people who send in asks with doodles i wouldnt make posts for #but also im like a fucking nervous dog and if anybody speaks to me i will widen my eyes and break every bone in my body #robooty is wired to get stressed out by literally any event ever #i straight up got stressed out yesterday because i thought about drawing. i didnt even draw. i just thought about it. #i will order french fries and get stressed out not because of ordering cuz i dont got that gay ass social anxiety but cuz i start thinking #about the oceans coral reefs and how im really glad that the christain sisters across the street didnt make a incestuous lovers suicide pact #and that it only happened in a dream not in real life and then start using my mental vision detail of the number 5 apple (best one) to make #myself see flashes of scary demons in dark spots of the room from my mind movie and then think about how i need to watch more tim and eric #(most stressful thought) and then i get my fries and i go thank you! and the orel puppington ass worker at mcdonalds goes have a great night #and flashes me the peace sign for no reason #and imagine that template for every event in my life #but yeah anyways just know that im not responding not cuz i hate you its because i got stressed out probably 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍DAYON😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 #robooty kun #robooty hellworld #robooty culture #this is not to dissuade anyone from interacting btw #PLEASE INTERACR #PLS COMMENT #PLS SEND ME ASKS #PLSSS PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE IT PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #LUTZ LIKES IT #LUTZ LIKES ITTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[myboyfriendjake]

just want to say that to everyone out there, especially fellow students, if there's that one kid in your class who doesn't talk to anyone, who you only see talk to a few specific people throughout all your years of high school or whatever, don't assume that they don't like you

not everyone's extroverted or a social butterfly and i wish that was more acceptable? and acknowledged?

some of us just don't know how to talk to people we don't already talk to. the people i'm able to talk to easily are people i either have to talk to (teachers, people i'm helping, etc) or close friends/family. my mouth literally doesn't work around people outside of that. i can't say hi or ask to join a lab group.

i just wish there wasn't this expectation that introverts and people who get anxious in social situations must change and adapt themselves or be seen as weird outcasts and antisocial freaks. because talking to people is hard, and if you get it you get it and if you don't you don't

#dream rants #just had to get this out lol #i just hate that the world expects everyone to be extroverted #not all of us can talk to anyone #i like learning #but i hate school because of the social scene #like my physics class is so frustrating for that reason #either you talk to people and joke around or you're an outcast #i also know i'm not the only one #school #thoughts #rant #introvert #social anxiety

[meatriarchived]

gently sets this across the dash, so ya'll know directly from this creatures' mouth,

so long as we're mutuals ya'll are always welcome to poke at me & my kiddos here at any time - be it thru ims or over disc (same as acct name uwu) - for just about anything; chatting, plotting, whichever c;

i am always gonna grabby hands, im awkward / anxiety-ridden so i tend to not wanna 'bug' peeps first but do know you can at any time drop into my dms. :)

that being said, because its been tickling my brain since gun dropped the Ass-Fanfic Lore yet again:

when it comes to ships / dynamics / bonds / however you wanna call them, i don't really auto ship any of my roster with anyone, incl any canon ships. i work that out based on chemistry & hashing out ideas and thoughts about them.

on that note though, for the core friend-group: with how i write maria and now danny, they both love very deeply and very passionately. their baseline dynamics however with literally any of the group is, to me, always platonic soulmates, with the possibility of budding into something else depending on chemistry / plotting / all that fun stuff.

so when i talk about how much they both adore and love their friends (and note that this extends to other muses who get absorbed into the friend group) by default i am always referring to that platonic soulmate type of bond if we haven't directly talked about anything going further than that. with a sprinkle of silly, playful flirtiness from time to time - because what friends dont occasionally flirt? fhsdkj

but yeah c: ya'll are always free to bug me, add me on disc, whichever you're comfy with!

#i may not always Feel Human some days and my social meter gets shot easily but the sentiment still stands in those cases. #but do know if any hesitation to comes from anxiety / fear of me for any reason at all - you really dont need to be c; #I'm simply a Fool and a stack of raccoons in a 5'1 trenchcoat i am Not Scary in the slightest- fgdskj #and yeah. youre welcome to chat with me about our kiddos or au ideas dynamics / ships all of that fun shite c; #just know that chances are if you attempt to ship with me we are In The Trenches we are Doomed : ) [ a threat ] #[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { renee. }