#but the fact that im here and not 'overweight' is a good thing right | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

missbeautyandherbeast · 5 years

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Enough (now on the right blog)

Donatello x Reader

Summary: All your life you had been ‘overweight’. And no one would let you forget it, and certainly not your family. A few years and moving out seemed to fade the problem a bit but there were still side effects. But nothing you couldn’t handle... right? You had a new life and an incredibly loving boyfriend to always pick you up...right?

A/N: This is deep stuff. Please, all of you, read with caution. this isn’t a light topic and I know that. I am not asking for advice or your opinion, I am writing about my feelings and experiences through an outlet that lets me sort through them easier. This is a sensitive subject for many of you as it is me, be a decent person.

Warnings: Eating disorders, body dysmorphia, panic attack, fluff I promise.

@im-a-loser-for-tmnt-deactivated

I had known the turtles for a few years. They found me my senior year of high school and I was halfway through my college career, it deciding to run longer than I thought because I switched my plans so that I was going to double major.

Raph teased me constantly about my intelligence and good girl persona and I let it slide. He was jealous. I could live with that. And I had, from a lot of other people too. And I knew I was smart; my 34 ACT score was attesting to that. I didn’t brag though. Donnie did enough of that on my behalf.

Before we had gotten together, I would lend him my textbooks. Whether it was Calculus, or Latin, he went through each one, always asking for more. I eventually got a library card just so that I could keep getting him more books. That turned into us studying together—I needed my Latin book after all, and though learning it sucked hard, it wasn’t as bad when Donnie was by my side trying to untangle the language with me. Now that I was in my third semester of it, we were both pretty good and had well over a thousand flash cards.

I could tell that he was disappointed by my lack of science textbooks. He knew that I was an English and Classics major, I didn’t need science for that. I took my social science of Psychology during my first semester. He never pressed me on it, but I could always see his eyes searching for them with each book I brought.

I had my prejudices against science. Were they reasonable? Yes, but not in the way that anyone else would, think. And Donnie didn’t know I had them at all, yet he was smart, he probably inferred it. He still didn’t press it. Until one night when we were talking about something completely different did the topic come up.

“You need to eat.” His eyes narrowed, offering me the mostly empty box of pizza.

It smelled mouthwatering and looked so appetizing, but I refrained. I had already eaten twice today. That was all I allowed myself.

“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled, closing my eyes and leaning back on the couch. “Just tired.”

“Because you haven’t eaten enough.” His tone was a bit harsher than before, and he said it as if it were obvious.

“I ate today!” I almost growled. “What more do you want?”

“You need more energy,” He backed down at my aggressive tone. “You’re doing a lot more these days, all of the back and forth from here to home to college. You need energy.”

I looked up at him to see a soft expression on his face, pleading. I shook my head and folded my arms.

“No,” I whispered, unsure of my voice. “I’m not going to.”

He sighed and threw the box onto the coffee table then rubbed his face, giving into my stubbornness.

“And why not?”

Maybe my battle wasn’t over.

“Because I will throw up.” I tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible, but Donnie knew me, he could hear the pain and sadness underneath.

Without a word he pulled me into his lap, cradling me as if I were the most precious thing in the world. I wanted that to be true, but it felt so far from the truth.

“You know you’re beautiful,” He murmured into my hair softly.

I wanted that to be true too. Shrugging, I rolled my eyes. He chuckled sadly.

“I guess it doesn’t help that I think you're sexy then?” He mused slightly.

I almost laughed. I would have if this weren’t the subject. Instead, I held my tongue. He sighed again, something thoughtful this time.

“Of all the things, why would you fret over your looks, my love?” He pondered. “You seem to like me, and I’m not exactly the ideal body image.” His joke wasn’t lost on me, I just wasn’t in the mood.

“You weren’t raised being told to look like an athlete and being so far from one,” I whispered. “And now... I’m in a school with thousands of volleyball players and sorority girls and...” I trailed off.

“No one wants them any more love, if you haven’t noticed, you’re kind of in style right now. Call it what you may, a fad or something more, but you are accepted in society as well as in my heart.” He murmured, rubbing my arm. “And speaking medically, you’re fine too.”

I went absolutely rigid at his last sentence. Suddenly I needed out. I couldn’t take him touching me. My senses shut themselves down, as the words I yearned to scream clawed their way up my throat.

“I will never be accepted medically. I will always be overweight and unfit to every doctor and physician.” I bit out venomously, making my way out of his arms. Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away. “And I can’t change that.”

My voice sounded uneven as I balled my hands into fists. Donnie was shocked at my outburst and quickly tried to pacify me.

“Those charts are always wrong, Y/n, love.” He stood, coming toward me. “They account for male body types, not females, and you’re biologically different,” I backed away, shaking my head.

“Please, just leave me alone,” I begged and headed for his room, the one we shared whenever I stayed.

I slid down against the closed door and no longer fought against my tears. Sobs wracked my frame as I tried to curl up smaller and smaller.

I was never enough. I could never be enough. Science would never accept me. It would always tell me I’m wrong. It will always tell me that I’m not beautiful. How can I argue with what everyone calls fact?

There was a small knock on the door, maybe an hour later.

“Y/n?”

It was Donnie. Of course, it was. His voice was small and timid.

“Love, please,” He begged. “I’m so sorry. I know I went overboard. I’m not used to hearing you talk like that, hurting so badly. Please, don’t shut me out. I’m glad you told me,” He paused, as if he were to debate continuing. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you were actually trying to tell me. I’m sorry that I butted in and overreacted. Please, I didn’t mean to make it worse like I did.” I could hear him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ll be out here when you’re ready.”

Silent tears made their way down my face once more at his words. I pulled myself off the floor and headed for the bathroom. After a long hot shower with the water scorching my skin, I found an old hoodie that I could hide in for the night before I made my way to Don’s lab.

He was there, like I knew he would be, staring blankly at his computers, not giving them much attention. I paused and bit my lip. Something in my action tipped off his acute senses. “

Y/n?” He asked, his eyes hopeful and filled with sorrow.

“I showered,” I announced slowly as if the task were more of a feat.

He gave a soft smile and opened his arms for me. I made my way to him slowly and curled up in his lap. “I know I didn’t help the way I wanted to,” He confessed in a low voice. “M’sorry baby girl,”

I didn’t speak for some time and I didn’t meet his eyes.

“Society accepts me.” I began. “You accept me, even I do at times, but...” I shook my head. “They never will.”

We both went silent at my words, Donnie absentmindedly rubbing my arm again.

“It’s why I hate science. And will never take a biology class.” My voice was hoarse. “And why I don’t go to the doctors when I’m sick.” I chose my next words carefully. “They put me on trial with false facts. Facts that change over the years... and I’m still found guilty. I’ll never be enough for them.”

Donnie nodded at my little speech and rocked me gently. “You’ll always be enough for me,” He pulled me closer, “Right where you are. All the hurt and brokenness, it’s enough to me.”

For the first time in my life, I was enough for someone, just the way I was.

#donatello x reader #donnie x reader #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2016 #tmnt donatello 2016 #eating disoder things #body dysmorphia #you're beautiful #i promise #itll be okay

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fieldfullofbangtan · 5 years

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bts hc: while traveling ep. 1 - airport

a/n: since they are all on vacation right now i was inspired to make this. imagine how fun a vacation with these seven would be <3_<3

Seokjin

gotta keep up the worldwide handsome status

like child you are going to sit on an airplane for 10 hours

why are you so dressed up

and security fkn hates him because he put on all his bling

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“oops sorry my watch”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“oops sorry my necklace”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“oops sorry m-”

“OH FOR FUCKS SAKE HYUNG”

has energy for some reason even tho everyone else is dead

“comon’, smile! we’re going on vacation!”

“hyung it’s 6am”

drags everyone to duty free

doesn’t even buy anything he just wants to ✨ browse ✨

has snacks for everyone in his bag

your local snack-dealer

banana milk? he’s gotchu

chocolate? he’s gotchu

cupcake? he doesnt have you at the moment but he’ll happily track it down for you

what kind of hyung would he be if he didn’t feed his bros?

Namjoon

travel leader

handles check-ins and stuff

makes sure the others don’t forget to pack anything

checklists

has everything under control

“CAN EVERYBODY JUST STOP MOVING”

EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL OK?

until they arrive at the airport and he realizes he left his luggage at home

*everyone yells his name in unison*

“oops... hehe... well I told you guys being 45 minutes early would come in handy!”

the youngest three stress him out so bad

for him it’s like traveling with 6 toddlers

“HEY don’t wander too far from the gate”

“do you know how overpriced the food is here?! that’s why i brought sandwiches!”

as if they can’t afford it?

after a while he gets too tired to give a shit

just sleeps at the gate while the others try to kill eachother

“i really need this vacation...”

Yoongi

is still asleep 10 minutes before they leave the dorm

his packing is a mess because he doesn’t give a shit

he just wants to get out of here

really needs a vacation

“YOONGI WE ARE LEAVING IN 10 MINUTES YOU NEED TO GET UP”

*gives whoever is yelling the finger*

“DO YOU WANT US TO MISS THE FLIGHT?”

is somehow ready to go before everyone else

while everyone is frantic to make sure they’ve got everything he just sits in the cab

“hey, dO yOu WaNt Us tO mIsS tHe fLiGhT”

does not enjoy the airport

or flying

gets through security like a boss

just looks forward to napping at the gate

and on the plane

will take up a row of seats at the gate just to nap

lowkey very happy because 🔥VACATION🔥

*cough* i mean uh vacation~

he’ll let it show every once in a while by just smiling out of nowhere

and being nice to the other boys

“did Yoongi just wake up from a nap and smile...?”

Hoseok

how many people can genuinely say that they’ve been happy while at the airport

hoseok can

“VACATION TIIIIIME WOOHOO”

gives the paparazzis something to look at

skips around the airport

rest of the members think he’s on acid

“the fuck is up with him?”

just overall in a good ass mode because

“WOOO GOING ON VACATION!”

talks way too much with the airport staff

obviously they don’t mind because he’s so damn charming

security forgets to do their job because hoseoks distracting them

accidentally becomes a security risk

every 5 minutes he shoves his phone into one of the members face to show them some famous spot or random fact about their vacation destination

“THIS VACATION IS GONNA BE FREAKIN AWESOME”

yoongi: “somebody please slip him some valium before i strangle him”’

dont do drugs kids

Jimin

treats the airport like a catwalk

flips hair

adjusts glasses

you’d think he just walked onto a red carpet

he needs to pipe down

“Jimin are those leather pants really comfortable to fly in?”

“yes”

“jimin.”

“ok no but do you see these pictures they took of me? i look flyyyy”

its true tho

have you ever seen an airport photo of him where he doesnt look BOMB

puts pressure on the rest of bts so now they all have to look fly thanks to him

puts on a show during airport security

takes of his belt *wow*

takes of his expensive watch *wow*

takes of his glasses *wow*

takes of his shoes *umm... wow?*

for people who have a thing for feet *WOW*

though as soon as he boards the plane he goes from *moan* to hihihihihi

Taehyung

looks fly

but tired as all hell

doesn’t enjoy the stress of the airport

but he’ll still be very exited because it’s soon relaxation time

you think he’ll be less goofy when tired?

he’s just goofy to the point where nobody understands him

“hey guys, what did the airplane say to the airport?”

“what”

“Choo choo!” *dies from laughter*

*nobody gets it*

just constant wtf is he talking about

sudden bursts of energy

runs around with jungkook

messes with jimins outfit

spends way too much money at duty free with jin

ends up passing out at the gate with yoongi

Jungkook

a boss at traveling at this point

and he enjoys it

so exited for vacayyyyy

*packing his suitcase and taehyung starts to mess with him*

“do you think this is a joke?

yall know the lifehack gifs when they just hold two edges of a t-shirt and do some magic maneuver and suddenly its just perfectly folded?

thats him

organized chaos

i dunno if everyone has realized yet but this boy has become an edgelord when traveling

black on black on black

does some cute shit for the fans and papz

as soon as they pass security he just sits at the gate drinking banana milk and playing games

he’s the one who actually has everything under control but nobody notices

“jungkook your bag is kinda heavy...”

*everyone needs to pay for overweight except for him*

nj: “WHERE IS JUNGKOOK WE BOARD IN 3 MINUTES”

“hyung im right behind you...?”

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undertale-anomaly20 · 5 years

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Sooner or later you're gonna be mine x chubby! Reader

Chapter 1: The waitress and the mobster

Oh God, I was hearin da rumors, but I didnt believe hed actually do it. As if our town wasnt a big miserable wasteland of violence, misery and murder already, now hes actually welcomin their kind into it as well.

Frisk paused, her hairbrush in mid-stroke, as she heard the piano man grumble crudely under his breath. She hadnt sang in this club before and truth be told, it didnt have a great dressing room for performers to get all dolled up as many owners put it, so Frisk took it upon herself to dress up in the ladies bathroom.

After putting on her shimmery low-cut baby-blue dress and applying all that heavy makeup to her face, she exited the bathroom, leaving her aftershow clothes in one of the broken stalls and began brushing her hair on stage. It didnt take much to style it, which was one of the main reason why Frisk had cut it short into a bob hairstyle. One less stupid thing she had to worry about before she got on stage. Just brush it till it looks neat, put a flower in it and the crowds still think you look like a million bucks.

Not that Frisk cared too much about what her fans thought of her. All she wanted to do was sing, get paid and go home before she saw another fight break out between the members of her audience. Gang members erupting into violent and bloody fights in the middle of her songs were becoming more and more common over the last few months. And what were these fights over? Anything really. Gang members entering other gang territory, drug deals gone bad, gun deals wrong horribly bad. It didnt matter. The result was always the same: somebody would be leaving in a body bag.

Frisk hadnt gotten used to it, but she had definitely become quicker with dodging flying bullets and pieces of furniture that came her way.

She tried to deny it when she was younger, but now it was obvious. Her once pretty city was quickly sinking into corruption thanks largely to the mob groups that were overtaking large areas of her city. The dons and high-class mobsters ran everything from the small mom and pop stores to the police force. Even the citys officials were nothing more than corrupt individuals in nice suits with clean smiles. The good decent poor folks suffered the most, having to pay out protection fees but there were always ways to make money.

Everybody had a price. Everybody could endure or change themselves for money. Frisk knew. To her despair, she watched a number of her long-time friends get lost in the world of easy money and quick deaths. She had been to more funerals than birthdays parties this year alone. She could never blame them though.

Well everybody except her sister, (name).

(name) was one of the only people she could really trust and was one of the few people uncorrupted by this hell hole of a city. As children the both of them knew nothing but love and kindness with (name), being older by a few years, looking after her and protecting her even as the years had gone by she never stopped standing up for her and always flashing that big beautiful smile telling her 'it's gonna be ok' even if everything wasn't.

Frisk smiled at the though of her sister being there for her every step of the way in her life a little anoying but what was she to do (name) was very stubborn her big (eye colour) eyes that still held a little glimmer like she did when she was younger, her long thick (hair colour) hair that always seemed to shine no matter what the lighting was, her (skin colour) skin that alway had one or two burise on it and her body was alwasy as plump and smooth as ever. not to say her sister was overweight drastically but she tended to look down on herself at her body shape, even though she was what the pigs f this city considered 'fat' she had her curvy outline a bit, she had a bit above average size bust, plump lips and a big behind.

The world was going through a depression after all. And Frisk herself was not exactly a wealthy professional singer. Right now her gigs were seedy clubs with even seedier owners, whose businesses reeked of cigar smoke and strong booze and no matter how many times Frisk showered the smell seemed to linger.

And her nightly audiences were the lowest class of criminals. Not that Frisk judged on them on poverty levels. In fact, most of the best people she knew were struggling to get by. But when it all came down to the wire a rich mobster was just as bad as his poor lackey. Both types murder for money and power and both types will harm the innocent to get what they want.

Frisk really needed to get out. She just hadnt saved enough money yet. She may have been a popular singer in these types of bars, but the pay wasnt great. She made just enough to pay for her crappy apartment, her bills and the protection fee her local police force demanded of its residents.

The piano man saw her baffled look and pulled back the curtain even further so she could get a good look at her audience for the night.

She squinted through the cigarette smoke that lightly covered the many faces of her audience and tried to see what he was moaning about.

Look at the last table in the back. Youll see what Im talking about, toots.

Frisk did and gasped aloud. The piano man chuckled, letting her know she was indeed seeing what she was thought she was seeing.

Seeing Don Dee was a shock in itself. Even small fish like Frisk knew who he was just by looking at him. A top dog, a big shot, a huge fish...and the fact that he was sitting in this piece of shit of a bar was astounding in itself. The man was known for class and expensive taste. The suit he was wearing outshined all the cheap ones that almost all the other club patrons were wearing.

But the don being here wasnt the most shocking part. The most shocking part was his companion. The gentleman sitting beside the Don was...not from the city to say the least. And if he had entered the club by himself, he would have been killed instantly. But sitting with the Don made him untouchable. In fact, most patrons were going out of their way not to stare at him.

Say, is he- Frisk began, but stopped when the musician laughed again.

Yep. The Don himself is invitin monsters in the operation now. Can you believe that, toots? Disgustin monsters. Pfft...hes makin a mistake is what hes doin. Gonna lose all that respect. Monsters..Now this town really has sank as low as it can go.

Frisk frowned at his choice of words, and the effect they had on her, but continued to stare, even though she felt a little bad doing it. both her and (name) knew that people who differed from theri own race and in this case species shouldnt be stared at like they were some kind of spectacle, but Frisk really couldnt help herself.

Sure she heard all about the monsters that lived in the neighboring cities miles away from her own, and sure she knew they looked different from humans and their customs and politics were worlds apart from human, but to actually see one was...well it was something that deserved a second glance.

He was a massive monster. He was taller than any human Frisk had ever seen and he was wide too. Not fat, but there was no denying how incredibly powerful he looked. He made the Dons bodyguards look like little boys.

And his suit was even more impressive than the Dons if that were possible. His jacket, fedora hat and trousers were black, while his waist coat was an eye-catching red. Frisk wasnt too fond of that color, unless it was on her sister, but she had to admit the monster had style. A fat cigar was in his teeth and the smoke coming from it was strange. It wasnt gray smoke. It was red smoke and curled in unusual designs before it disappeared.

But his size and clothing were nothing compared to what he actually looked like. He had a huge smile on his face and despite the dimmed lights, Frisk saw a glimmering gold tooth flashing in his mouth every time the skeleton turned his head.

Out of the corner of her eyes she caught the flash of pink in the light and turned her attention towards the colour to see it was a pink heart hair pin. only one person she knew had that pin and it just so happened to be her sister that was the owner of said pin. her sister was wearing the standered waitress uniform aswell as having her hair tied into a high bun with the exeption of a few strands that fell in front of her face with that sweet smile on her face but Frisk knew it was fake she knew her sister hated dealing with these 'murdering pricks' as (name) liked to call them but they both needed the money and even with friks singing it's not enough.

Frisk watches her sister carrying a tray of alcohol towards Don Dees table. her heart practically stopped in worry for her sister as she watched her place the glass fill with the nasty brew in front of the don and a nother in front of the monster before walking away.

Damn freak, the piano man muttered and lowered the curtain.

Before the cheap bright red curtain could blocked her view, Frisk felt her heart jump in her throat. At the last second the skeleton turned his head to look where her sister was who, in turn, was looking back at him.

He took the cigar out of his mouth with two of his large bony fingers and winked at her. (name) quickly turned away with her head down before the curtain fell into place. That look...Frisk didnt understand why his friendly little gesture towards her sister sent a cold chill down her spine, but she tried to quickly dismissed it.

It doesnt matter, she thought to herself. Im sure (name)s not gonna talk to him if she can help it.

The piano man sat down at his piano, cracking his fingers and looking at Frisk. She hated the way his eyes wandered from her face and rested on her breasts. She glared at him, covering her chest with her arms. The man just shrugged coolly, completely unbothered.

Hey, I aint touching em toots. No law against lookin.

both her and her sister needed to get out of this city. Go somewhere nicer where smoke from cigarettes and guns didnt greet them every second of everyday. Where people actually cared if another person was killed. Maybe when she had enough saved up she could move to the country and where her sister wouldn't come home with brusies and bruised knuckles every week and that painful look in her eye that tells her 'I can't keep this up for much longer' as happy as her sister tried to be she wasn't dumb (name) had the same attitude as Frisk toward the city folk who misreated her and gave them the same amount that they gave her, absolutly none. Maybe they could live in a pretty cottage and start a garden. She couldnt remember the last time she saw a flower growing outside and she doubt that (name) could either.

She smiled faintly. Her mother always talked about starting a garden when Frisk was really little and-

But going back to our conversation, the Don really is makin a mistake. As soon as we let one monster in, more are gonna come. Just you wait. Im mean look at what happened when we started lettin the darkies in-

Frisk felt a shot of anger bloom in her chest.

Why dont you keep those disgusting thoughts to yourself and get ready for the show? Since the Don is here we cant afford you screwing things up. Word around the grapevine is that you arent the cream of the crop when it comes to playing that thing.

It was a lie of course. Frisk knew nothing about this man, but that didnt stop her from feeling a sort of smug satisfaction enter her as the piano mans face changed from cocky and arrogant to enraged and disgusted.

Goddamn, bleedin heart whore, he muttered loud enough for her to hear, but low enough so nobody else could here. You and your type are the reason why there are so much problems in this world. You treat the inferior a certain way and suddenly they start demandin to be treated that way by everybody…

Frisk smiled and continued brushing her hair, humming the songs she was going to sing for the audience tonight. It was always nice to be told that. Whenever somebody told her that or something similar to that, Frisk couldnt help but feel like she was more than just some seedy bar singer who sang for murderers and criminals.

The piano man and her didnt speak again and Frisk continued to brush her hair until the audience started to quiet down.

Showtime , Frisk thought grimly, no longer excited about being on stage.

The curtain parted and the horrible spotlight that hit her was nearly blinding, but before she could adjust to it, the piano started playing.

She sang the first song with ease and much to her disappointment the piano man didnt make one mistake. Guy knew his instrument. Too bad he was a racist prick.

For the most part, Frisk and (name) loved musicians. All that passion being played through their fingers or mouths and whenever either of them spoke to them they always wanted to be something more than what they were. Just like her, they dreamt of getting out of the city and being somewhere safe and pretty.

At one point when Frisk was younger and still wanted to make singing her lifes career she would dream of marrying a gentle musician. The two of them would become famous and sing at only the best clubs and have children who loved music and would sing and play too and-

Frisk never would have thought in a million years that she would grow to hate the talent she once cherished. The spotlight was always too bright, the places always reeked of blood and booze and the applause was laced with lewd comments about her body.

(name) had a more possible dream. As a child all she wanted was to settle down with a man and have children who she would sing lullabys to and fill her home with music and love but as she grew her body changed and her heart sank further down at every negative comment made her way.

She was too weak for this city. She knew, but thankfully none of these cruel people knew it. Her dad once told her that if you show any weakness to people like mobsters and criminals they would eat you alive. She had no doubt he had been correct. when Kailyn was told this she pu all her energy into making sure none of these corrupted bastards could do a damn thing to her sister.

Frisk longed for the day where her and (name) would sing for hours on end with smiles in their hearts, laughing at everything but the thing Frisk missed most was her sisters singing. Frisk knew as a child her sister had the better voice andbut she didn't mind if anything she worked hard to be just like her but this damn cities corrupted men and women with there words of hate and jelousy...(name) had done her best to protect Frisk from those words but she, herself, had been exposed to those words for too long and all those negatice comments about her apperance, as if there was anything wrong with how she looked, got to her making her do what those bastards wanted her to do.

Shut up.

After her first song ended, the applause was loud and hard. Frisk forced a smile on her face and blew a kiss into the crowd.

Now adjusted to the blinding light she looked at her audience her sisters face smiling up at her was one of the first she saw. Gray smoke blurred their faces but almost instantly her eyes were drawn to the skeletons red smoke. She looked at him and the look he was giving back to her nearly took her breath away. It was so intense. So...extreme and he never looked down or away from her.

Even when the Don was talking to him quietly about whatever crime-ridden business they had together, the skeleton would respond but never break his gaze away.

Frisk swallowed before she spoke.

Such a lovely crowd here tonight and I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank Mr. Dee for honoring me with his presence and tolerating my cat-screeching I like to call singing.

A rough round of laughter and applause reached Frisks ears. The old Don waved to the crowds and then offered her a wave as well. Forcing back the vomit and physically battling with herself to keep her smile on her face, Frisk blew a kiss directly at the old man who had killed so many people whether they were guilty or innocent. Whether they were a part of his gang or an innocent bystander.

We really need to get out of this town' Frisk thought as she began her next song.

She almost messed up a few of her notes. That skeletons red eyes had gone black as soon as she blew that kiss to the Don and she was having trouble focusing until she looked to her sister, who was on break watching her with that big ole smile she loved, then it seemed easier to sing knowing her sister could sit and watch like she did when the were children

don't worry sis, for once, I'm gonna be the one to save ya'

_____________________________________________________________________

(name)s side

(name) watched as the partons of the bar laughed to each other some of them were good people others not so much. there were those who were friendly, kind and nice those were the rare patrons that popped in once in a while and then there were the assholes hat showed up every god damn day and the degrading remarks they make at her or behind her back annoyed her more often than not but the lewd and disgusting remarks and cat calls they directed towards her younger sister made her blood boil.

oh how she wanted to bash them all over the head with their bottles but she knew better if she acted upon her wishes not only would it cost her the job she worked hard to get it would cost Frisk her job. she just smiled sweetly and agreed with the patrons to keep them happy no matter how much it sickened her to do so.

"hey doll! go another order for ya!" (name) turned to her boss ready to retreive her latest order just as she was about to reach for it she notied her boss looked nervous but why? this man is the most intimidating person she knows that is a good person at heart he's aken on multiple drunken patrons at once so what could sacre this man so bad that he was white as a ghost then it clicked only one person in the bar currently that would reduce this man to a fearful state like this was Don Dee.

(name) tried to keep calm and remembered why she worked here. for Frisk her baby sister she picked up the tray with both hands and made her way to the table. sure don dee made her nervous who wouldn't be around a man that could kill you with but a wave of his hand but once she was nearing the table her eyes weren't on the don but on the monster that sat nex to him.

He was a massive monster. He was taller than any human (name) had ever seen and he was wide too. Not fat, but there was no denying how incredibly powerful he looked. He made the Dons bodyguards look like little boys and his suit was even more impressive than the Dons if that were possible. His jacket, fedora hat and trousers were black, while his waist coat was an eye-catching red. Frisk wasnt too fond of that color, but she had to admit the monster had style. A fat cigar was in his teeth and the smoke coming from it was strange. It wasnt gray smoke. It was red smoke and curled in unusual designs before it disappeared.

But his size and clothing were nothing compared to what he actually looked like. He had a huge smile on his face and despite the dimmed lights, (name) saw a glimmering gold tooth flashing in his mouth every time the skeleton turned his head. In all honesty (name) thought the monster had some sort of charm to him shaking her head she made it to the table and placed the disgusting brew in front of the don making sure to smile sweetly then moved onto the monster. oh how she hated how people used that word as an insult spitting it out of their mouths like it was venom but what could you do she placed the small glass in front of him and smiled walking away she didn' make it that far before she felt eyes on her.

she turned around to meet the monsters red eye light gaze they were mesmorising, beautiful even, she felt like she couldn't look away he took the cigar out of his mouth with two of his large bony fingers and winked at her. (name) quickly turned away with her head down embarassed at being caught then sat down calling for her break.

Frisk scurried off stage after she finished her songs, pausing only briefly to wave at the handsome jazz band that was scheduled to play right after her. They returned the wave and started to do some playful and very cute cat-calling that wasnt lewd or vulgar at all her eyes soon found her sister waiting for her with her duffle bag in hand looks like she finished early.

both girls smiled to themsleves as they entered the empty bathroom, all the women in the audience have been waiting for that jazz band to play. They were becoming very popular and no doubt would make it big, and Frisk went into the broken stall where she left her clothes while (name) went into one of the wrking ones to change

Still some good guys out there' Frisk thought as she took off her painfully tight blue dress and put on her more preferred one. The fabric of her baggy blue and pink sweater dress was a warm and welcomed change from the dress she just had on.

She stuff the blue dress in her purse without a care and walked out of the stall to meet up with (name) who was wearing a baggy dress sweater and long skirt.

(name) turned around and snorted "tryin to give clowns a run for their money, sis?" she joked. Dont get it wrong, Frisk didnt mind some make-up every once in awhile, but the rouge on her cheeks was too bright. Her blue eye-shadow was too heavy and her red lipstick was too much. But thats the club owners always wanted. Thats what the men in her audience wanted.

With a frustrated growl she turned on the sink, took a handful of soap, mixed it with water and began scrubbing her face viciously. We need to get out of here, Frisk thought of the millionth time as she continued to scrub her face until her skin turned red while (name) brushed out her long hair from its up do taking out each pin and tie in it. "great job as always with the singin' sis. practically had the attention of everyone in the room" Frisk smiled at her sisters compliment "thanks but...it would have been better if you were up there with me" (name) sighed "sorry but no it's been too long and I'm the waitress you're the singer"

Niether of them heard the bathroom door open so when they heard the heavy footsteps they turned towards the noise The soap and water dripped from Frisks face and onto her dress as she stared at the massive skeleton who was blocking the exit as well as (name) moving the hair from her eyes. Frsik didnt even realize her mouth was open until the taste of bitter and slippery liquid soap burned her tongue. She quickly closed her lips and backed away from the skeleton.

His hands were in his pockets as he looked (name) up and down, his smile growing by the second. His gold tooth glittered menacingly against the bathroom lights. He took a step towards them.

No...please Frisk thought as she held her hands up in a weak attempt to create some kind of barrier between herself and the monster that was at least two heads taller than her while (name) took a step forwad ready to fight her eyes narrowed.

There was only one reason why a straight man would enter the womens bathroom and Frisk learned what it was when she first starting singing. The man who had attacked was big too. He had grabbed her and shoved her up against the stalls doors and would have done so much more if it hadnt been for a (name) looking for Frisk. that was the day Frisk saw for the first time her big sisters anger in full force the anger in her eyes was just terrifying. blood flying, bloody fists the man left a bloody pulp as one of the women comming in to use the rest room ran to get security to "remove" the man while Frisk held onto her sister beggin her to stop that he had enough.

Frisk opened her mouth to scream for help, but the music from the jazz band blasted through the door, letting Frisk know that her chance for calling for help and actually having someone hear her was gone.

She looked up at him and tried to smile at him. She didnt know what she was gonna say to try and talk him out of the thing he was going to do to her. And through her mind-numbing fear she actually took a second to wondered how a skeleton could do something like that. But she wasnt curious enough to find out.

Look mister, I dont want any trouble-

Frisk stopped her sentence, groaning in fear as the skeleton took his hands out of his pockets and reached into his jacket.

"Frisk I think I left my purse behind the bar would you mind going and looking for it?"

To be continued....

(hey guys this took a lot of courage for me to post this. It's a more updated version than in quotev and watt pad just a few tweeks. I hope you all enjoy this and let me know in the comments how you feel about this)

#sansxreader #underfell #mafiafell #undertale #chubbyreader #sans #frisk #readerinseret #fell! sans #mafiatale #reader #xreader #comic

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benverlesbians · 5 years

Text

Shit fuck Donut Reblag

no longer yearning but like. two years ago i got sucked into makeup youtube bc it was a way to have like. Nice Older Women Teach Me Things. and then younger makeup girls on youtube became a part of the equation bc that was a way to feel like i had friends, esp bc i had an irl friend with whom i did makeup stuff and we like went shopping and she drove me to the mall to cash my paychecks and we alternated getting each other's burritos and she just seamlessly and affectionately accepted that i was a lesbian without ever changing her behavior, so makeup girls on youtube became a wonderful source of comfort!!! but i also watch movie videos bc i love movies and theorizing and analysis, except those are like fun in theory but in practice i hate hearing illiterate white men state their shitty opinions as fact, so about six months ago i was like "i want Friend Girl YouTube... For Movie" and now i follow a bunch of channels that are girls and women my age and older talking about fucking movies and tv shows and books and stuff!!! and its great!!!! and im following a few women of color and gay women and wlwoc and it makes youtube so much better to hear hot takes from people who i would actually like to spend time with and who actually make interesting points well!!!!! but like lately the algorithm has been like "here are makeup women... who are not skinny" and sometimes i watch a video and im like not into it, like the voice or the speech pattern or like whatever isnt my cup of tea but today i found a channel thats like. "hello my name is a joke my intro is five minutes of me anecdotally ragging on my gross coworker i live in your hometown and agree that the public transportation sucks and i have a nice voice and way of speaking and also im fat" and idk but like!!! hell yea!!! me following makeup women to feel mentored and film women to feel less alone is well and good but like they dont all need to be skinny. and im glad that theyre not!!! bc fuck it!!!! me and my ED have grown up into an overweight adult and thats literally not a value judgement its just a fact and another fact is that people are fat and still allowed to have interests and be interesting and maybe if i knew that as a kid instead of believing that being fat made you sad and mean and irrational and a joke like it wouldnt have been such a big deal to gain weight like a normal person during puberty and i couldve just been fine and NOT made myself sad and mean and irrational and a joke to the point that i will cry about a burrito if it's not right or over a salad bc it takes too long to eat or like. take four hours to eat a single bowl of oatmeal which i cried reading the box for bc someone else, when i said i wanted oatmeal, decided i should have the reduced sugar variety. maybe i would just be like "huh this doesnt taste superb lets avoid this on future grocery lists" and finish it in ten minutes like a regular bitch.

#the things #ed ment tw #food ment tw #eating ment tw #yall sleeplessness is just truth serum but u wash it down with bad coffee get ready for MORE self analysis starring me #dnt rb is2g

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silklaurentharry · 5 years

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the long awaited “why does this bitch hate harry?” list

DISCLAIMER:

these are all my opinions, this doesnt mean i think hes a bad person-i think he does a lot of good things-this is just a list of bad things, this doesnt mean that i could never start to like him ever again-it just means these are things that dont sit right with me that i think are important and cant be overlooked! (they dont ruin him, and make him an unbearable person or CANCEL him-its just things that i decided i dont like anymore!)

PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS MORE THAN WHAT IT IS! im making this bc ppl want it(ive gotten more asks about this list than i ever have on any piece of my writing ever so...anyway)

also um....i still read harry smut and want him to fuck me but like- hate fucking is the best so can u blame me?

SO. Let’s start with the moment i first started disliking him.

yacht!gate. is there really more to be said???? if yes-basically he went on a fucking yacht with k*nd*ll and jeff and kris and his mom and robin etc. kendall is so privileged and just a not great person in my eyes and even though this was before “tpwk” he was still saying shit like “be nice to nice” and who is the opposite of that? kendall.

then, he cut his hair. smh. THIS IS A JOKE OKAY.

hes besties with people like james corden and ben winston. who use him for his fame(not his fault but hasnt he always said “you can always tell” when ppl are just using u?) and shit(you saw that shitty sitcom, correct?) and james took a ‘cutesy’ little photo of him kissing sean spicers cheek. aka trumps ex press secretary. aka a fucking shithole of a man. dont know about you but if i “treated ppl with kindness” i wouldnt be associated with anyone close to trump.

camille fckn rowe. i mean...lmao. and its 2019 and he’s STILL being seen with her.

performed at the vsfs. who before this past one has alWAYS been fatphobic and ppl are JUST NOW shocked at the fact they actually came out and said it. lmao. i get it was a big move for his career but if he really cared about morals would he do it even with the past mistreatment of fat or ‘overweight’ models in that show? i wouldnt. but thats just me

now this next one is purely just me and just puts a bad taste in my mouth-u dont have to agree on any, but esp this one. from what i know(i havent been keeping up with him regularly for the past 3-4 years)-he has never said anything about getting back with 1D, when all of the other’s have said they “have to” and “would drop everything” to get back together. and that just doesnt sit right with me-again, just me but...i dont like it!!

he has been surrounding himself with shitty, all around AWFUL people since he left 1D. and idk if thats bc of management telling him to for PR, his own actions that are finally getting out bc hes no longer restrained under modest, or if its just a coincidence. bUT. “tpwk” doesnt really sit well if you publicly hangout with fuckheads that dont do that.

his fans. now if you dont fall under this descriptor im about to give-thats great! love you♡ anyway, his fans are OBSESSED. and i fucking mean obsessed. with gay pride now. which is fucking amazING!!!! BUT. these are the same people who are afraid of their gay friends falling in love with them. who the moment someone points out something that could prove harry to be gay(or at least open) instantly deny it and say there’s no way(medicine lyrics). who go to pride just to go and not to show support to the LGBTQ+ community. heres a quote from rolling stone(article will be linked at the end) “ On the surface level, pride is being overrun by straight people and large companies who attempt to capitalize on gay culture with limited-edition pride products. A combination of the influx of straightness at Pride, along with the major setbacks the LGBTQ community has experienced in the past two years, has encouraged LGBTQ people and activism groups, like the Reclaim Pride Coalition, to once again make Pride a form of protest, not simply a celebration ” “ The issue isn’t then, “Is it appropriate for allies to attend Pride?” because the answer is unequivocally yes. ” “ The issue becomes “What’s the best way to show support while simultaneously realizing that as a straight and cisgender person, Pride isn’t for you?” ” if you are an ally-we love you, truly. BUT. when you just go to pride dressed in rainbow and think its all about dancing and shit(sometimes it is!) but never actually stand up and do things for the LGBTQ+ community(i understand not everyone can because of their safety but im talking about people who can and choose not to because they’re comfortable). so again- if you are a true ally and understand when to sit down and be quiet, i love you. if you dont- use this as a time to educate yourself! “... so perhaps you should ask yourself, “Am I an ally the other 11 months of the year?” ” i love you as well!

and finally-i dont think ive ever heard him actually apologize for something....like, have we?? i cant remember a time where i have. if he changes and learns-great. but, in the meantime- i personally think apologies are needed! he keeps his fans in the dark about almost everything(which i think is healthy and good for him) but when it comes to not saying anything about BLM signs/flags and then just posting a picture on instagram (AFTER! fans came for him might i add) it’s something you should not keep in the dark. come out and say something and then once we see you change- yes! a king that learns from mistakes!

NOW. i want to say i will always love him bc i still think hes a good person. just not the greatest like yall make him out to be. hes ugly sometimes inside(and out...sorry), he hangs out with shitty people that dont line up with things he profits off of(tpwk), and he doesnt need to be up on this pedestal you guys have put him on. imo-he could stand to be knocked down a few pegs! i already expect to get some hate on this, and thats okay-we all have different opinions and see things differently! im here to show my reasons and if youd like-send an ask on how you disagree! i love discussing things! i love you♡(be nice to me)

rolling stone article by ZACHARY ZANE-a good read!

#why i hate harry #i dont know what else to tag this....#tbt to when he wasnt a bitch doesnt apply #so #when he was/is a bitch??#also hate is a strong word so #why i dont like harry as much anymore #thats better

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mightyraptor · 5 years

Text

How things are now? 2019

First off I want to thank everyone supporting this channel and my characters! Ive been doing what I can when Im around to bring new art as well as some storyline and even taking questions and even bringing up other topics. And its important as artists we express ourselves and even honest opinions and I really passionate for most of this and wanting make some stories and build up these characters I care for even if its just fiction and fantasy but its still motivating and fun and can make us happy and it can even feel real to us in many ways with what we make of it and a way to get away from the reality because as much I don't want to point fingers or say half the human has level of greed or evil who know and we talk about that in other topics But how it things are going right now I wish I could of been better but to be honestly right now, it hasn't been all that great, but Im trying to stay motivated and not trying spread negative but there still a lot going on and still some problems. Countries still having health problems as well as still being a part time job Im starting to hate and is causing my anxiety and just feels like place for unhealthy people go to medicate their problem but side effect just killing themselves slowly and I say that because I feel like Im giving them poison even if some of them already have deceases. And most customers are really out of shape and mid or old age, I dunno why they get this lazy and just carelessness, it doesn't matter if your in a free country these just facts Im pointing out but I don't want any part of it I want to live healthy as possible and I know you seen some of my characters with big bellies but in that world its ok and animals with big bellies is fun but do I want be fat a human, NO, I don't want to be unhealthy for real, and we can joke about it but Im going be overweight or do things that causes bad health it not worth the medical and painful risks. Another problem Im having with not getting a lot of art created is just distractions and just fear with what happens wether its news or fears of something happening to someone in the family or friends or people we've met or like. And recently as I feared out no where when I went to see big end movie on April my last GrandParent passed away and I felt silent of depression but luckily I wasn't too close to her but she was the last of grandparent to go and I felt bad for my Dad then but he took it strong but I couldn't make choice to go to the funeral I stayed home to watch the dogs the next couple days, and as for the movie I went I could say the ending felt the same way sad and I'll the quote from one of the character "Part of the Journey is the End." Still a good movie which all talk about another journal. And just small rap up from the negative just haven't been too hype with all the content in DeviantArt and some of feels the same or just not interesting but there has some good stuff I still enjoyed or started to enjoy and there have been few artists who let me down and even some who think I might be jerk and just block thinking I was being mean but I again I probably stress too much about things but I also wanted to do stuff with other artist and haven't gotten a chance to. But as for artist I still care for I still stand for them 100% because there are some who got me here too and positive and motivation. So in conclusion where about halfway through the year and it almost feel like "2018 2.0" Meaning we still have problems when they should of been left in the past but still dealing with stuff that I wish it would just go away and there some humans fault which is bad enough we already have deceases and budget problem around the world. I hope we can improve and even fix problems like pollution like with plastic and health problems that could easily be avoided even it means working harding all together, and stop crimes and prevent reckless destruction like the one that happened in before Easter to a building that must be really hard make back then. But if we work together we can save lives and the world and enjoy are favorite fantasy characters and games and entertainment. But moving forward looking towards the positives and hoping it doesn't become "2018 2.0" Im going to be leaving my awful job for a better one and also opening commissions as soon as possible and get as much artwork as a can and even look into animation and creating 3d stuff. As some already know we have hit 5 years in Deviant Art and I have stepped up improvement with the drawing!

https://www.deviantart.com/mightyraptor/art/Fossils-of-Utah-in-Love-462519522 2014

https://www.deviantart.com/mightyraptor/art/Night-of-the-Utahraptors-797734212 2019

I want to thank you all guys again and Im sorry if I let you down but we all get knocked down and we to get back up and yes there will be more Rick and Feria and theres more to meet as well as characters and story which I wish I could do it sooner but let us make 2019 great and ready for 2020 which is the year I want to make it the best like the good old days!

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moved-to-femmesun-blog · 5 years

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all the lgbt asks :+)

fuck you.

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?transmasc (technically genderfluid but i’m very much transmasc) + he/him and ae/aem/aer

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?idk. i just never rlly liked girls. didn’t really care much for dating at all but i was def more attracted to guys, and so i ID’d as mlm for most of middle school to high school. now i lean more towards bi - and ID as bi - but i still use mlm for myself.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?hahah yeah. even when i was going by “Benjamin” back in high school i was constantly misgendered. i just dealt with it. was too much of a pushover to say anything so i just ignored it kdnsknaksnd

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?some guy i was friends with that who obviously liked me. he took it pretty well, told me to tell my friend if i really wanted.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?i was impulsive and so i just. did it. i don’t really remember much about it - it didn’t feel that significant to me because i was SO disconnected from gender and identity, and i also just don’t remember small details well.

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?parents just. took it well ig. made an effort to use the name i wanted, were supportive enough. mum’s done more research than my step dad has - he thinks he can say the q slur lol - and was there along side me for a lot of my transition progress, but overall they’ve both been okay. at least with the binary stuff. i’m not open to them about my sexuality or the indepth details of my identity, aka my new pronouns and name - so it kinda sucks - but overall it was pretty good. friends were okay about it, had a few name hiccups with them using “em” for me instead of emmett (which i was going as at the time) but *shrug*

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?no one ever asks me shit KDNSKNDkdn and tbh i don’t think anything would bother me? unless the person is being an asshole about it, i’m really open to answering questions.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.i don’t really know what Style i have but like, lately i’ve gone back to just wearings leggings, big jackets, and then tank tops/my croptop. i used to be rlly rlly anal about like, Presenting As Male, and tbh i was really uncomfortable during that time. being overweight, i just felt ugly and gross and clunky. and so i’m glad i’ve gone back to wearing more fem stuff bc like. it fits me better, i love and feel better, and i have more options.

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?uhhh for bnha i’d say my faves right now are: bakukami/bakukirikami, kamisero, todoiida, iiseroyama, and then minamomojirou.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?i’ve never been one to wear make up. the furthest i ever went was using BB cream and then nail polish, and i haven’t used BB cream in years. i own One bottle of nail polish now and it’s this clear stuff with gold glitter chunks in it.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?not... really? i USED to big time. but now i’ve just mellowed out since shifting towards nonbinary/genderfluid and stuff. back when i was Set on being “100% FTM” i was super dysphoric. i just hated hearing she/her pronouns, and that’s really the only time i get dysphoric now - and when people call me a girl, but y’know dknskndd - and so... most of the time i’m good. i’m on T (have been for 2 years, though i havent been taking it lately due to complications with my endo clinic - and i’m almost a year and a half past getting top surgery - which im happy w/ bc i had a huge chest, though i do sometimes miss my boobs - and so i’m pretty good!

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?there are SO many dumb things i’ve heard over the years of being on tumblr/online/at public high school, so i don’t know how to give this just ONE answer dknsandnknds

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?the “i can’t read/drive/do math” jokes bc i’m gay

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?i could say a lot of things here but i do NOT wanna risk starting any shit so KDNSKNDSKND

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?i’ve been to pride as part of my school’s team for the parade once! i haven’t gone since just bc i don’t really have anyone in my city i’d like to go with

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?i’m REALLY disconnected from celebrities... i really can’t answer thiskNDksnd

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?a bunch! currently i have two boyfriends and i met both of them through bnha discord servers - specifically rp servers KDNSKDNSKNd

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?i can’t read! (i genuinely can’t remember the names of any gay books i’ve read so SOBS)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?yup! i’ve been called slurs in public, had people obviously try and figure out my gender - fun fact: one time a guy very obvious leaned over at me as i passed by to try and look down my sweater to check my chest B) - uhhh misgendering on purpose. nothing physical yet thankfully, but y’know.

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?i am LOVING carole and tuesday rn im ngl KDNSKND

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?all my mutuals ;)

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?q slur, that’s all i can claim KDNSkdn i’ll use it when i know the people around me are comfortable seeing/hearing it but otherwise i just keep it to “q slur”

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?nope. almost did once - this dude in my city wanted to take me, and at the time we were friends and i had a crush on him, and we would’ve had a uh. fling. if we’d gone - but never did end up going. shit happens KDNSKND

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?idk i’m just like. i’m a dude - i’m NOT a girl, 100% not a girl - but at the same time, i’m not a dude? i’m not agender but it’s like... i’m just SO disconnected from the idea of having a gender but i’m super comfortable ID’ing as a guy because i find comfort it in (and in being able to say things like Yeah I’m Transmac and Yeah I’m MLM) but really it’s just. a big blur. i shift between being a Dude and then being Kind Of A Dude and then Not Being Anything and then Being ??? so yeah kdsnkdn

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?nope. trauma fucked me up and i don’t wanna ever risk putting a child through anything. i wouldn’t be able to handle parenting a child. if ANYTHING i’d adopt an older kid, early/late teens, but idk.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?you don’t have to MAKE sure every one knows you’re a Dude. you don’t HAVE to pass at male. you feel so much more uncomfortable when you confuse people about your gender, when you wear want you want and what you feel comfortable wearing. you’re gonna hate looking back on yourself in a couple years because you’ll realize just how caught up you got in toxic masculinity, but it gets better. you get more comfortable being You and doing what You Want, and you’ll find people who accept that more than your current friends ever could. it gets better. you get better.

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?*throws them out the window*

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?toxic masculinity is a BITCH and i wishhhh that i’d had more understanding friends. there’s something just so sad and... weird... about the idea of FORCING yourself to have to “pass” at all times - when “passing” is a dumb enough concept itself - but idk. i learnt a lot from it, even if it sucked.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?it really isn’t easy. every day you’re dealing with stuff, from yourself and from other people, so let us have our jokes. let us have our pride. let us be loud about who we are.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?cause it means i’m not cishet LOLif you read through all of this: why? why do that to yourselfkNDKSNd

#bipolys #ask #ask games #fuck you chasekndksndskndkn #pride

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astralgloss · 6 years

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im a curious meanie so 1-134 muhahaha you get to relive the hell i just went through

etab i haTE U

1: Name

my name is marit lol but please just keep it mar

2: Age

i am 17 but i’ll b 18 in 2 months!!!!

3: 3 Fears

the dark, complete and utter loneliness, and clowns

4: 3 things I love

books, forest fruit tea, the sound of rain

5: 4 turns on

a nice smile that reaches the eyes, a nice smell, having a dog ngl, a soft touch

6: 4 turns off

extreme arrogance, insisting to pay for my meal if i want to pay bc its “what a man should do”, forcing lifestyles on me, not caring about my interests

7: My best friend

she does have tumblr but idk it but hey demi if u ever see this ur the bomb.com

8: Sexual orientation

im bi fam

9: My best first date

my bf and i went to amsterdam to go shopping and he followed me everywhere (even the bookshop even though he hates books) and idk i just love him it was a nice day

10: How tall am I

im 1,65m or 5′4″ but i can and will kick ur ass

11: What do I miss

nothing really??

12: What time was I born

ok so i asked my mom and she said i was born on a tuesday at exactly 12pm but i bet she’s lying

13: Favorite color

yellow!! im basic!!

14: Do I have a crush

well i sure hope so @ boyfriend

15: Favorite quote

to the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered

16: Favorite place

my bf’s house tbh, specifically his bed

17: Favorite food

pizza, specifically the hot chicken one from ny pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm

nah fam (ofc i do im a little shit)

19: What am I listening to right now

god is a woman by ariana grande

20: First thing I notice in new person

how they look at other people when those people don’t notice it

21: Shoe size

38/39 idk the other size lol sorry

22: Eye color

its blue but it changes with my mood (oh my god im so sorry im kidding please don’t hate me)

23: Hair color

im a blondie

24: Favorite style of clothing

sth casual but also a bit towards the punkish style, but i also rlly love looking tiny and soft and cute lol

25: Ever done a prank call?

ok so there’s this hotline for kids who have troubles with their parents and families but it was a shit hotline tbh so once i called it up with my friends pretending i was crying and the man on the phone asked me what was wrong so i told him that all my friends had fire type pokemon and i only had grass type pokemon and they kept beating me and i didnt know what to do and then man was so confused it was funny af

27: Meaning behind my URL

idk man i wanted a name that could b easy to remember and i was inspired by ridgeport tbh

28: Favorite movie

the perks of being a wallflower

29: Favorite song

Fav song atm is anything from p!atd's newest album and my fav song of all time is probably train of consequences by megadeth

30: Favorite band

megadeth lol

31: How I feel right now

pretty good but also annoyed bc i have to go to work in half an hour :(

32: Someone I love

my bf

33: My current relationship status

if u guys havent noticed by now im taken

34: My relationship with my parents

p ok

35: Favorite holiday

halloween/christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I have my ears pierced and thats it lol

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

i rlly want a few bookish related tattoos, like a tiny raven, a little lightning bolt, and the city of velaris and then i also rlly want a sleeve tbh but imma be a teacher and idk if i can :/ about piercings: i rlly want a helix or tragus and maybe get second holes in my hearlobes

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

ok so ive been on tumblr for about 5 years and initially it was bc i was Depressed™ and then about a year ago i found out about simblr and i was hooked

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

tbh i dont even talk to him anymore i dont rlly care about him in any way

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yes bih

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

hes my bf so yea lol

42: When did I last hold hands?

wednesday

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

about 45 minutes bc im lazy and i keep getting distracted

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

45: Where am I right now?

in bed lol

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

either my bf or my best friend

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

depends on where i am

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

mom

49: Am I excited for anything?

tbh moving out but thats gonna take a few more years

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

*insert bf here*

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

every time im at work lol

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

wednesday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

lol bye

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

nope

55: What is something I disliked about today?

the fact that i have to work a day shift instead of an evening shift

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my internet friends tbh it’d be cool to meet all the people from my bookish discord or from @booptherat‘s discord

57: What do I think about most?

what book i should read next

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can finish a book in about 4 hours

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

not rlly? i hate the whole asmr thing tho ew

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind lol

61: What was the last lie I told?

i dont remember tbh

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither lol

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

look im not saying that believing that we’re the only living species in the entire universe is narcissistic, but it is. also dont fuck with ghosts

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yes

65: Do I believe in luck?

hell yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

idk probably cloudy and windy

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nah not rlly

69: Do I have any nicknames?

i guess mar?

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

when i was 2 i fell from sth and slammed the corner of my eye onto the corner of a table and i couldve been blind but thank god im not

71: Do I spend money or save it?

both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

yup

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

post it notes

74: Favorite animal?

doggg

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

reading lol

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

idk man

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas lol

78: How can you win my heart?

give me a samoyed and a 1000 books

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“a boss ass bitch”

80: What is my favorite word?

fuck?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@cubersims @imvikai @ridgeport @cowplant-pizza @bloomlet @tiptoptab

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

spend fiddies, pet kitties, hold tiddies

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of lol

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

the power to choose whatever power i want at any moment

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“do you like working here?”

86: What is my current desktop picture?

its an august background from @emmastudies

87: Had sex?

yes

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

yes

91: Kissed a boy?

yup, i’ve been kissing my bf for about 2,5 years now lol

92: Kissed a girl?

yup, i’m living the bisexual dream lol

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yes

94: Had job?

yes, im working at a movie theater right now!!

95: Left the house without my wallet?

tbh all the time now that i can pay with my phone

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

yea i used to but that was when i was 12 and i’d like to say that i’ve grown a lot in the past 5 years

97: Had sex in public?

nope

98: Played on a sports team?

yes

99: Smoked weed?

nope, even though i live like 20 minutes away from amsterdam lol

100: Did drugs?

nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nope

102: Drank alcohol?

yupppp, i love me some raspberry cider

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nope

104: Been overweight?

nope

105: Been underweight?

nope

106: Been to a wedding?

yup

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

lol all the time tbh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yup

109: Been outside my home country?

yup, however never outside of europe tho

110: Gotten my heart broken?

a few times

111: Been to a professional sports game?

yess, i saw the dutch female volleyball team once!

112: Broken a bone?

nope

113: Cut myself?

yes

114: Been to prom?

we dont do prom in the netherlands lol

115: Been in airplane?

yes

116: Fly by helicopter?

nope

117: What concerts have I been to?

k3 (only dutchies and belgians remember this), one direction, megadeth, and ed sheeran

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yupp

119: Learned another language?

i mean im from the netherlands and im fluent in english thanks to myself

120: Wore make up?

yuppp

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

yes

122: Had oral sex?

lol yes

123: Dyed my hair?

nope

124: Voted in a presidential election?

not old enough to vote :(

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nope

126: Had a surgery?

nope

127: Met someone famous?

nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

nope

129: Peed outside?

a few times lol

130: Been fishing?

nope

131: Helped with charity?

yep

132: Been rejected by a crush?

a few times

133: Broken a mirror?

lol yes

134: What do I want for birthday?

some books, money, cake, more books, makeup

#this was A LOT #im done now #no more questions #about me #asks #tiptoptab

5 notes · View notes

lokbobpop · 3 years

Text

Fat

Fat: Word Origin and Use. In Old English fætt meant “fat, fatted, plump, obese,” and this word was originally a contracted past participle of fættian, which meant “to cram, or to stuff.” ... Slang took the word fat to meaning “attractive, up to date”—such as in phat—but this didn't start until the early 1950s

If you say that a person or animal is fat, you mean that they have a lot of flesh on their body and that they weigh too much. You usually use the word fat when you think that this is a bad thing. ... Fat is a solid or liquid substance obtained from animals or vegetables, which is used in cooking

Writing fat

Fat f at fa t

Im currently the fatest ive ever been in my life with menopause and a thyroid problem which makes me feel tired and with being over weight knee problems i just dont move go anywhere or do anything and the weight has just piled on it just keeps getting bigger and bigger im nit at a point of how much bigger can i get i feel awful i need some knee supports i probably need to cut all bread and recover somewhat from this as its bring me down being this fat.

Reading fat

Ive actually been overweight most of my living life chubby under 10 semi normal until 22 them the weight just came on big time it just loaded on for well over 35 years its like ive had not control over what i eat and the amount of exercise i have i look at my tummy now and see as my boobs rest on them and think come on get your act together lose some weight but then i think oh my knees hurt im always tired i cant move so i just go round and round with this all the time there has only been a handful of times that ive lost weight and its only been off for months and just gone straight back on again you cant even call it yo-yo its hardly off long enough.

Diets ive done a few i have dieting it just seems horrible to starve all day and exercise to much just puts me off i dont want to do so much as its gets boring i need food and just walking i reckon to keep fit no big crazy fitness.

There are some really fat people a friend i meet today who is obese is really fat and im like why the hell arent you doing anything about it i go into blame that they should look that bad why don’t they have any self control of cause its all about me and why dont i have any control over my eating and my weight and being upset at myself and not her.

The western world is suffering from a weight epidemic where in other countries like Africa they are starving to deaf how can this at all be possible you may ask how do people still not have enough good to even eat its just so wrong who is letting this happen well we all are really arent we we can’t really blame the billionaire we also play a roll in just knowing this happens and saying no more stop this now but we dont we carry on because we dont even see this every day si its not affecting us.

My tummy fat is of general fear everyday fear in the gut area im only mostly fat there chest a big arms a bit arms being carrying burdens but if you do0nt do any exercise its just not going to magically come off het at the end of the day.

Saying fat

My mother is obsessed with fat being fat fat people and myself and my brother being fat it get s your down but i do know id be the exact same if one of my daughters was fat i wouldnt like it ive picked up from her and my dad fat is bad you look bad dont do it it’s embarrassing having yo fat fat people have a problem there not as good as normal people i hate to say it but there is some truth in that as fat is a though problem the body has been storing the fat because you’ve not got a healthy mind so yes clean your thoughts up and bam you clean your life up.

My grandad was also crazy about being fat he was slim and would think im fat.

What am i going to do about my weight well i have to start something hey knee support as it does hurt cut back on bread it does blot

My husband and brother has recently lost lots of weight and look so much better you know when you lose weight you feel great and compare yourself to others sad but true.

I could go on and on because im upset at my own fat and i feel depressed about it but it just fat and thats it right nothing else so it just some hard work that needs doing.

Does this definition support me no i see im down with my weight at the moment and i need to heal i need to move and i need to not eat so much. Love myself and all others with weight problems.

Fat fact

Extra energy to be used up get into the physical use that weight to move yourself to feel your body.

I will use this word to get into my body to feel myself to see myself to become more into me with it to see that my physical is here with me by getting and moving with my body yes

0 notes

atakportal · 6 years

Text

Burn The Fat Body Transformation System - Tom Venuto

New Post has been published on https://click.atak.co/burn-the-fat-body-transformation-system-tom-venuto/

Burn The Fat Body Transformation System - Tom Venuto

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Description:

Hi, Im Tom, and in a moment, you’ll hear the story of how I went from being a chubby kid who was humiliated in gym class, to burning every last ounce of fat off my body, and winning my first bodybuilding championship at the age of 21…

This is also the same fat-burning system I still use today to stay in shape after age 40…

More importantly, you’ll see how these little-known secrets of all-natural bodybuilders and fitness models are the key to burning YOUR most stubborn fat and getting the body YOU want…

Read this page to the end, and I’ll also give you all the details about the unusual system that hundreds of thousands of people have already used – instead of dieting – to transform their bodies forever…

And for the first time ever, I’ll unveil the new 7-Day “quick start” that gets you going faster than ever before.

Before reading on, let me point out that this fat-burning system was originally developed by the leanest, most muscular athletes in the world, but it has now been re-engineered for regular people (non-bodybuilders)…

It works whether you are a man or a women, and it works regardless of your age. In fact, if you’re over 40, this could easily take 10 years off your biological age.

It even works for people who felt like they’d tried everything and were just “destined to be overweight”…

BURNED: 75 pounds of fat (from a size 22 to a size 6) while working two jobs and caring for her autistic son

– Audrey Eickwort

BURNED: 41 pounds of fat (from 274 pounds to 233 pounds and lost 19 inches off his waist at age 56

– Tim Amyett

BURNED: 122 pounds of fat (starting weight: 296 pounds)

– Brian Nordberg

You probably noticed that none of them look like stereotypical bodybuilders…

Yet every one of them… even formerly “photo-shy” people who told me they used to “hide” under their clothes, avoid mirrors, or secretly cringe when their photo popped up on Facebook…

… every one of them used what’s been called, “the most powerful fat burning system ever created” to achieve the same confidence in their appearance that bodybuilders feel every time they step in front of a camera.

And no matter how long they had struggled, Audrey, Tim, Brian and thousands of others achieved these startling transformations with these same “bodybuilder and fitness model” secrets.

Now, there’s one key factor that everyone who follows this system has in common with the most successful, photoshoot-ready bodybuilders and fitness models alive.

I have to warn you, it’s a story that’s a bit embarrassing to share…

Yet it’s a story you absolutely need to hear, because many of my clients tell me it gave them an “a-ha moment” that quickly allowed them to burn more stubborn fat than they imagined possible before…

…and I certainly wasn’t winning bodybuilding contests or getting praised by Oprah Magazine as “honest” about what it really takes to lose weight.

Heck, first I had to be honest with myself…

You see, I was never seriously overweight as a kid, but by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was getting pretty chubby around the waist…

Worse still, I was embarrassed to take my shirt off in public because I had what I thought was the worst affliction a warm-blooded male teenager could have: “Man boobs” – a fat saggy chest.

…and when we played basketball in gym, I prayed I’d be called for “shirts,” not “skins” so nobody would see my “moobs” and ab flab jiggling up and down the court.

At 14, I started lifting weights (those guys in the magazines didn’t seem to have an ounce of fat on them), and by senior year, I’d packed on about 25 pounds of muscle… yet the whole “getting ripped” part kept eluding me:

I still couldn’t take my shirt off in public without wishing I would disappear… let alone see the abs trapped under my belly fat.

Perhaps you can relate to this feeling of feeling trapped inside a body that’s just not doing what you want, no matter what you try… and thinking your frustration just can’t get any worse…

I went away to college, and quickly discovered I wanted to become a fitness major… but I also discovered beer, pizza, and cheese burgers and went hard at work on the classic “freshman 15″…

I just laughed at myself right along with the guys who were making fun of me, even though the truth is, I was silently humiliated.

It wasn’t until my buddies at the gym made me commit to stop just “talking” about being a bodybuilder and train for a contest that I finally put down the texbooks and the magazines… and got serious about figuring out what these guys were doing right…

Because they certainly were doing something to get lean and ripped that I wasn’t – one of them had just won a “Mr Teen America” title, and had a body just as impressive as that title sounds…

So I started eating and working out in a certain way – and it was pretty clear I was finally onto something…

… because this “contest training” was by far the most effective program I’d ever tried. It worked SO well, I even placed in my very first contest… and WON my second contest the very next year, at just 21 years old.

Beer belly? Gone. “Moobs?” Nowhere in sight…

It felt like redemption.

Maybe you’ve seen that old ad where the skinny kid gets sand kicked in his face by a muscle-bound bully, then gets in shape and beats the bully up? That’s kind how I felt…

Because not only was I now truly “ripped” for the first time in my life..

It was like getting to tell the whole world, “Remember that kid from gym class with the manboobs? Well, have a look at this!”

Now, I’m NOT telling you this story to brag or hold myself up as some kind of “poster boy.”

There are literally thousands of my client’s stories that are more inspiring than mine…

Stories from ordinary men and women who have no interest in entering a bodybuilding contest, yet used this same “bodybuilder science” to achieve massive results…

People like Bonnie and Mike…

“My Goal Was To Be a “Hot Mom At 40,” And I’ve Achieved It. I lost 23 Kg’s and 12.5% Body Fat!”

“I’m a 40 year old mom of 3, ages 11, 6 and 4. Before, I was 85 kg and 36.5% body fat, size 40. I was fat and miserable. My family life and relationship were suffering. My husband knew someone who did Burn The Fat and it changed his life, so I tried it too. I lost 23 kg’s and kept it off ever since!”

– Bonnie VanNiekerk, Burn the Fat Client

“I Lost 137 Pounds! It Changed My Entire Life!”

“I used Tom’s BURN THE FAT program to lose 137 pounds, but it also changed my entire life and the life of my family. The goal-setting and mindset part of the program also helped me achieve emotional, physical and financial goals I never thought possible.

– Mike Ogorek, Burn the Fat Client

Rather than “smaller versions” of the same old body shape – their bodies take on a whole NEW shape…

And it’s because the one thing all these stories have in common with mine is the one secret hardly anybody besides natural bodybuilders and fitness models knows, or will tell you, about getting a lean, sexy body…

It’s the difference between struggling to “diet away” unwanted fat… and quickly, efficiently burning it.

Here’s why holding onto your muscle while you burn fat is so important, even if you have zero interest in looking like a bodybuilder:

Even though “diet gurus” and popular diet-industry books and magazines will never clue you in about it…

…it’s lean muscle that gives a great body its shape – a shape with all the curves and cuts where they’re supposed to be, and the stamina to do all the things you want it to do.

Just take a look at these bodies side-by-side and tell me what you see:

Pretty big difference, right?

It’s the difference I see all the time between “dieters” and “burners” who might look similarly “skinny” with their clothes on:

Yet the “burners” look great in a swimsuit (I’ll get to how in just a minute, so keep reading)…

… while the “dieters” still end up hiding under their clothes because even though they “lost weight”, they look soft and mushy with their shirts off.

This is exactly what you want to avoid… working your butt off to get thin… then having no butt… or worse, a droopy butt that looks even worse than when you carried more weight.

So why do you see so many more “skinny” people who look like the guy on the left, rather than the lean and toned guy on the right?

It’s not that the “lean and toned” folks pumped iron and packed on lots of extra muscle like a competitive bodybuilder would… The REAL difference is…

Yes, that means that if you burn fat the right way, you can “expose” the firm, toned-looking physique you already have, hidden beneath a layer of unwanted fat… if “dieting” doesn’t get to it first.

And this also means that if you lose fat the wrong way… the “diet industry” way… you might eventually become one of the “lucky” ones who manage to suffer through the torture and get “skinnier”…

But… to show you how bad it can get. I’ve had clients come to me for personal training who at a glance looked thin… BUT their body fat percentage turned out to be what you’d expect to see in somebody who’s visibly overweight, even obese.

One woman I tested was about 5-foot-7 and weighed 121 pounds on the scale… sounds good so far, right?

Then we got to her body fat: It measured an astonishingly high 28% – that’s 34 pounds of pure fat!

Now, I want you to imagine for a second, an arm bone with a one-inch pad of fat surrounding it, kind of like foam insulation around a pipe. That’s what her arm felt like… only the “insulation” was pure fat!

If you grabbed the back of her (very “thin”) arm… it was just one giant fat fold! Literally no palpable muscle at all, just bone and fat.

The fitness slang for this condition is “skinny fat”… and it’s gotten so common, there’s even a medical name for it:

Doctors call it “normal-weight obesity”…

and when they look at DEXA (dual energy x-ray absorpitometry) results or MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) scans like the one above…. they’re horrified!…

… because this means we have not one epidemic…

We have TWO EPIDEMICS: The obesity epidemic and the Muscle loss epidemic!

And the older you are, the worse the effects, because the older you are, the easier it is to lose muscle. Most people don’t know this, but losing muscle is one of the fastest ways to accelerate the effects of aging.

Because diets cause muscle loss, it’s not a stretch to say that dieting ages you faster.

With each new fad “diet”… you “diet away” lots of lean muscle, and just a little bit of fat. That’s the basic problem with “diets”: Every one you try is like taking one step forward and two steps back… so even if you “win” and “drop some weight”, you still lose!

And dieting danger goes beyond just looking “skinny fat”… because as bad as that sounds, ending up with the skinny-fat metabolism that goes with it is even worse.

As hyper-committed as bodybuilders are to burning fat… they avoid “diets” like the plague, and it’s not just that diets cannibalize muscle… they also damage your metabolism, making it harder and harder to burn more fat off, and keep the fat you’ve already burned from creeping back on.

That’s because typical calorie-slashing diets can’t fool your body… and the body’s response is automatic and unavoidable:

Decreased metabolism, hormone imbalance, sluggish thyroid, gnawing hunger pangs, low energy and “brain fog”… sound familiar?

Then, after a few encouraging pounds come off… just when you think all the suffering might have been worth it… you hit the dreaded, inevitable “plateau” where it just “stops working” and you end up gaining it all back just like the rest of the 95% of dieters who fail.

That’s right – if you’ve been trying to burn fat, one of your main enemies is… your very own bathroom scale.

You see the hypey claims every day: “LOSE 30 POUNDS IN 30 DAYS!” … “LOSE 10 POUNDS IN 10 DAYS!”…

These claims get people so focused on “moving the needle” on their scale… that if they don’t measure up on their daily “weigh-in”, their whole day is ruined!

Yet these “scale-watchers” never seem to manage to get rid of all their unwanted fat.

That’s because muscle weighs more than fat…

… and “diets” that pressure you to blindly “lose weight” without knowing where the loss is coming from trick you into sabotaging your figure and your metabolism.

So rather than putting your body through dangerous fads, body-wasting starvation diets, and frustrating “plateaus,” you get to look forward to a lean, firm, fit-looking body that’s strong in every way, and looks it too.

How can I promise you that? Let me properly introduce myself…

For the past 25 years, I’ve been involved in almost every aspect of fitness – personal trainer, nutrition consultant, fitness model, gym manager and best-selling author.

I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of clients in person, plus tens of thousands more online in the last 10 years alone.

In that time, my email inbox has never stopped flooding with incredibly inspiring stories from regular folks from every background, age and fitness level who have discovered the life-changing difference between “diets” that promise you’ll “lose weight”… and the way bodybuilders and fitness models burn fat.

And these same “ex-dieters” have continued to make all the Burn the Fat programs bestsellers every year, while countless “diets” and weight loss fads come and go, for no other reason than… The Burn The Fat System just plain works.

I’ve seen men and women aged 50 and older do it…

I’ve seen busy executives and soccer-moms do it…

I’ve seen people who were 100 pounds or more overweight and convinced “fat runs in their family” do it…

I’ve seen people in the worst, harshest conditions do it…

All of them are regular people with “average” or even “worse than average” genetics, not “genetic freak” bodybuilding fanatics, or celebrities with chefs and personal trainers.

And now that you know preserving your body’s lean muscle and metabolism is the biggest success secret bodybuilders use to burn fat while “diets” fail…

You’re probably wondering exactly how the thousands of everyday “Burners” who’ve discovered this system use it to strip off ALL the unwanted fat on their bodies, and feel great doing it…

So let’s dive into the specific “how to do it” tips I have for you today….

And this First Element has nothing to do with food or workout programs…

… yet if you’ve struggled to burn fat, this lesson will change your life so much that when it’s over, you’re going to want to share it with every person you love or care about.

Because the most successful bodybuilders, fitness models and athletes will tell you that the foundation of all your results comes from training your mind first.

That’s why the First Element of Burn The Fat has always been MINDSET…

I’m not talking about any kind of woo-woo “think-yourself-thin” mumbo-jumbo here… far from it.

I’m talking about “the science” of setting goals … and the psychology of achieving them.

I’m talking about reprogramming your mind for success, so that instead of fighting against cravings or forcing your self to the gym, your new healthy behaviors turn over to “auto-pilot” mode and all the healthy eating and consistent training that once seemed so hard is as effortless as tying your shoes or brushing your teeth.

I’m also talking about the power of visualization and re-making your self-image. You’ll never out-perform your self image. If you want to change your body on the outside, you must first change the image you hold of yourself on the inside…

Olympians, weightlifters, golfers, and other elite athletes have been hip to “mind training” since the 70’s, when the Soviets first revealed how they used these techniques to dominate in so many sports.

Bodybuilders are masters at this, and if you could get inside their thought process, you’d learn more about body transformation than you ever would by looking at their nutrition journal or training plan.

Countless clients and readers have told me that until they mastered their minds, they could never stay focused, stay motivated or stick with their program. After they mastered it, they were unstoppable!

Without fail, those who gloss over this at first and fail to get results, eventually realize the paradox that the biggest secret to physical change is mental change.

The Second Element of Burn The Fat is your right nutrition.

You might have heard the expression, “You can’t out-train a lousy diet”… and that’s 100% true.

Without the right eating plan that accounts for your individual needs and goals, everything else falls apart.

I’ll cover all the specifics and details of putting this plan together with minimum fuss in just a few minutes with you… so keep reading…

First, here’s a crucial tip about how bodybuilders and fitness models eat to get lean…

And it’s one of the most important tips I can possibly share with you, because it’s the total opposite of what every “diet” tells you:

Cutting calories is NOT the best way to burn fat.

That’s why, if you watch bodybuilders, one thing you’ll notice about them is that they always seem to be eating.

You see, while “dieters” eat as little as they can stand trying to get thin…

“Burners” eat early and often, because they know it’s the key to restoring and ramping up your metabolism into a fat-burning machine.

They simply follow the simple formula to determine how many calories their bodies need daily to maintain their current weight (the amount they’d eat if they didn’t want to drop or gain a pound)… and then cut that number by a modest 20%.

That way, you never unintentionally over-eat and store food away as unwanted fat… and you also never trigger your body’s “starvation response” by eating too little, so you never feel hungry.

In fact, many people tell me they eat more with Burn The Fat than they’ve ever eaten… yet they get leaner than they’ve ever been before (and some who under-ate before find themselves eating up to 50% more without storing an ounce of it as fat)…

After depriving themselves on diet after diet, they’re eating without guilt and feeling full, without the hunger pangs, cravings and “brain fog” they’re used to.

Now, you might be wondering… if bodybuilders use food to fuel their metabolic fire, where does the final FAT BURN come from?

Well, that’s where the final two Elements of Burn The Fat come in as a “deadly duo” to melt fat off your waistline…

… and those are your right cardio and strength training.

You see, “diets” do get one thing right: You DO need a “calorie deficit” in order to burn fat… in other words, you still need to use up more calories than you eat.

The difference is, with Burn The Fat, the “deficit” comes from exercise rather than food alone.

Unlike the “diet” strategy that tries to starve the fat, the bodybuilder strategy is to BURN the fat with increased activity.

Think of the third element – the right cardio – as a Fat burning ACCELERATOR…

But Burn the Fat is unlike any other program you’ve ever seen, because Burn The Fat Cardio doesn’t lock you into one type of exercise…

You don’t have sweat on a treadmill every day… you don’t have to jog… you don’t have to sit on a hard bicycle seat for an hour… you don’t have to do boot camps… unless you like them.

You see, the Burn The Fat way is not about what type of cardio you choose, it’s about how you do the cardio of your choice.

It’s a simple formula of duration X frequency X intensity combined with weekly micro-adjustments, that lets you dial your fat-burning UP or dial it DOWN (if you want to stop losing weight), with whatever type of cardio that makes you happy.

Couldn’t you lose fat, without cardio, with the right nutrition alone? Yes, but… that’s the long, slow, hard way, and there’s no telling how much muscle you’ll lose along with the fat if all you do is diet and you’re not using the fourth and final element…

The right strength training also burns calories and increases metabolism, so adding this fourth element is like getting a double boost in fat-burning, but here’s the real reasons to strength train:

Strength training is how you avoid getting “skinny fat” … or losing muscle when you’re in a fat-burning calorie deficit.

And remember – it’s lean muscle that gives a great body its shape – with all the right curves, and the strength to do everything you want your body to do.

Don’t worry – I’m not going to make you “pump iron” like Arnold Schwarzenegger or spend half your life at the gym – remember, this is designed for ordinary people with lots of other demands on their energy and time.

That’s why I’ve built perfectly balanced routines for every goal and level of fitness into the Burn The Fat Program, based on 25 years of experience training hundreds of clients in person and thousands more online.

Don’t worry about getting “bulky” or “too big”, either – believe me, there is no way you will ever wind up looking like a competitive bodybuilder by accident. It just doesn’t happen – not even for men, and especially not for women…

Of course, just like nutrition, there’s no such thing as a “one-size-fits-all” exercise plan, so I’ll show you exactly how to put your plan together and even adapt a workout you’re already doing if you want to, so please keep reading…

Alright, that was a lot to cover… You may be feeling a bit overwhelmed, and that’s okay. Basically, this means that..

PATH 1: Take the information I’ve given you in this fat burning tips report and try to “go it alone”… And who knows? You may see some success from this alone if you took really careful notes…

PATH 2: It’s what the vast majority of people who read this fat-burning report until the end choose… and it’s the quickest and smartest path to the body you desire and deserve…

Path 2 is one that’s been tested and proven again and again with clients at every level of fitness… whether they had a goal of losing a stubborn “last 10”, or 100 pounds or more.

The system I teach in Burn The Fat is the system I personally use, and it’s the ONLY system I know of that doesn’t try to put everyone in the same “box”…

And the main reason the original Burn The Fat has stood the test of time as a 10-year-straight bestseller while dozens of “diets” have come and gone is NOT because of me…

The credit for Burn The Fat’s continued success belongs with the over 300,000 clients, members, readers and customers in 152 countries who have succeeded with it… and proven over and over that Burn The Fat just plain works…

I’ve personally used it to stay as lean and “ripped” in my 30’s and 40’s as I was in my 20’s…

And many fellow “Burners” have even overcome disabilities as serious as being “handicapped with two bad hips, two canes, and bone on bone arthritis” to put these principles to work for them, like 61-year-old John Deegan…

BURNED: 34 pounds of fat, with two canes and bone-on-bone arthritis

– John Deegan, Burn the Fat Client

So even if your fat loss and fitness goals are nowhere near a world record… even if you’re competing with nobody except yourself… just by putting even a fraction of these hard-won secrets into action, you’ll start seeing results that will make you feel like stepping up on a stage and getting a medal.

I’ll take you inside The NEW Burn The Fat Program in some detail in just a minute, but first, I wanted to share with you…

These successful “burners” (below) followed the program during our 49-Day “Burn the Fat Challenge” contest that we run every year for our members (as a Burn the Fat member, you’ll be invited to these challenges too, if you want the extra motivation…)

“I shredded down to 4.3% body fat in 49 days”

“When I hit 30, I found myself with a belly for the first time in my life. I followed the Burn the Fat program and entered the 49 day Challenge; I had no idea how much it would change the whole rest of my life.

Staying in frequent contact with people in the Burn the Fat community, who were all heading in the same positive direction, made staying the course absolute. I will never have a belly again.”

– James Mauck, Burn the Fat Client

“I Achieved The Body I’ve Always Wanted! I’m Now 128 lbs At 17.7% Body Fat!”

“I learned an AMAZING thing: I love the feeling in my muscles, I love the burn, and I love the progress. The more my muscles popped, the more addicted I became to the training.

Another thing stood out to me: Food is integral. Don’t try to starve the fat. Fuel your body properly and it will perform better. It was like my body turned into a fat-burning, muscle-building machine.”

– Amanda Andrews, Burn The Fat Client

“My advice to anyone thinking about doing Burn the Fat is to make a commitment to yourself in writing and list all the benefits you will receive as a result of reaching your goal.” Don’t try to reinvent the wheel – the information and resources you need are right here, and the Burn the Fat community is amazing!”

– Gary Vollhoffer, Age 50, Burn the Fat Client

“I Lost 14 lbs, built some nice muscle, and went from a pant size 7/9 to a size 1! My husband and children can’t thank Tom enough for his healthy, natural, clear-cut program. If a home-schooling mom of five kids all under the age of eight can do it, anyone can!”

– Cynthia Cardenas, Burn the Fat Client

The Newest Burn the Fat program that you can get today is still based on the same bodybuilder-inspired nutrition and training strategies that I developed for personal clients, who expected, no – demanded – success, and those clients have been achieving success with these principles since 1989.

Only now, it’s even better…

In the early days, the only way to learn my system was to hire me in person, to train you one-on-one, in the gym.

Next came Burn the Fat private coaching, where hundreds of people did the program with me in person or long distance by phone or email.

Then tens of thousands more found this system though my Burn The Fat Inner Circle…

… And in the last 10 years, the Burn the Fat Program exploded, with over 300,000 people reading my Burn the Fat books.

A New, increasingly authoritative Burn the Fat Program has been fully updated and released in a never-seen-before online program.

This includes the new Burn the Fat Program together with the Burn the Fat Inner Circle, for total immersion in the community, and for online coaching from me.

The NEW Burn the Fat program delivers you the same fat-burning techniques my clients have used for years, and delivers it in 7 short and simple lessons.

I’ll get to the price (plus a crazy set of bonuses), in just a minute…

First, take a quick look at some of the fat-burning secrets you’ll learn in each lesson.

And that’s just a fraction of the step-by-step, actionable strategies included in the all-new online edition of the Burn the Fat Body Transformation Program.

When you order, you get instant access to ALL the Burn the Fat materials the moment you join, and I’ve broken the course into 7 steps in 7 days, so you’re not overwhelmed and I can walk you through each lesson, one day at a time.

The Burn The Fat 7 Day Body Transformation Program is just one piece of the total package. Now let me tell you about all the other bonuses you’ll get as well…

All the tools you need to make the program easy to follow are available at the click of a mouse: workout trackers, meal planner sheets, calorie calculators, protein, carb and fat calculators, Burn the Fat food data base, Burn the fat shopping list, Burn the Fat Progress chart Burn the Fat Goal Planners and more.

Amazing push-button software creates and saves your customized meals, daily meal plans, and recipes… lets you save foods, meals, daily meal plans and recipes as favorites… lets you add your own custom foods, and you can mix and match your custom meals and recipes into an unlimited number of daily meal plans, quickly and easily.

Forget about bland “rabbit-food” diets. Now you can enjoy our delicious, original recipes, all created and taste-tested by me first, before they were shared with our whole community of burners. Fast to make for busy time-strapped lifestyles, and no previous cooking experience is required. Who knew that eating clean and lean could taste so good?

To be absolutely certain that you will lose pure fat and not lean muscle, you’re also getting the e-book (New 2nd edition), “How To Measure Your Body Fat in The Privacy of Your Own Home.” Discover the simple 2-minute test to measure your own body fat at home and see why your body FAT is so much more important than your body WEIGHT.

With so much UNIQUE fat-burning truth packed into one single system, enough to shortcut years of struggle, you might think the New Burn The Fat program would be priced at a premium, and in all honesty… It really should be.

But my goal from the very first day I made this New Burn The Fat system available to the public online was to make it available to as many people as possible… people I knew could benefit from the rare information it contains, yet couldn’t get it from me in person.

If I priced it too high, I realized that would leave many people with body-wasting “diets,” potentially health-ruining “supplements,” and outright scams as their only refuge…

And that’s not what I want for you.

I’ve seen what this system can do for so many people in person… seen its effects in the emails and photographs sent in by people I’ve never even gotten to meet face-to-face… and I deeply believe you deserve better.

I want you to have the best, and I want you to experience it now, today…

To get started now, just click that yellow button below that says “Add To Cart” for instant access to the program (And of course, 100% of your investment is risk-free starting today – I’ll explain in just a second).

Get started now and as an extra bonus gift, I’ll include access to the entire Burn The Fat Transformation Success Secrets library.

These audios will be available in the Burn The Fat members area and you can listen to them online or download the MP3’s to your ipod or music player so you can listen in your car, while you work out, or anywhere

In these audios you’ll hear me as well as dozens of the Burn the Fat Transformation Champions – some of the men and women you saw right here on this web page – reveal their secrets to their remarkable before and after photos.

All together these audios contain more than 40 hours of motivation, education and inspiration that you can listen to any time, anywhere.

Again, this bonus gift is absolutely FREE.

And like I mentioned a minute ago,

In just 7 days, you will know all the secrets of the leanest people in the world. Then, all I’m asking you to do is put what you’ve learned to use. Try the system for up to 60 days.

If you don’t experience everything I’ve told you about and more in those 60 short days…

If you dont see your first results in your first week, and then keep burning off fat each week after that, week after week, I’ll gladly refund every penny you paid. No questions asked, no hassles.

Look below and click on the yellow button that says “Add To Cart” to start the 7 day program and claim all your bonuses now!

PS. Remember, the next 7 days will quickly come and go, and at the end of them, you can either be feeling just as unsatisfied with your body as you are now, or just as confused and overwhelmed about the right way to start, or…

The choice is simple. Still… I’ve noticed that nearly everyone I meet has a reason they want to put it off:

They’re waiting until New Year’s when the holidays are over, or after the kids start school, or the first day of the month, or after final exams are over, or whatever – there’s always some excuse to procrastinate. PLEASE don’t wait!

If you know you’re ready…

… if you’re at that point where you want to start the rest of your life today so that you can be a new person… leaner, healthier, full of energy, full of life, more fun, looking good, getting compliments…

… if that sounds good to you, then click the “Add To Cart” yellow button below, and let’s get you started now!

Q: Do you really answer questions and give personal coaching on your site? How do you find the time?

A: Yes, I really answer your questions on the Burn the Fat private forums and I spend many hours doing it. I don’t spend much time on social media, so I have more time for our members. However, I can’t guarantee this forever. This program is new and once word spreads, and it gets super busy, I’ll either have to cap membership, raise the price, or have Burn The Fat certified coaches take over for me. So if you’re interested in getting personal advice straight from the program creator (me), now is the time to get onboard.

Q: Do I have to take any supplements?

A: No. Most supplements are scams, some can be dangerous and the few that have scientific support have such a small effect, you would get more results just by doing a better job with your eating and training. You don’t need any supplements to burn fat or build muscle and you’ll never see ads or promotions for supplements in our members area (I don’t endorse or sell supplements and never will).

Q: Do I have to join a gym or buy any equipment?

A: You DO need some kind of resistance training because that’s the key to revving up your metabolism, sculpting lean muscle and keeping the muscle you already have. But you don’t need expensive machines and you don’t have to join a gym – you can work out at home if you prefer. The beginner workouts can be done with nothing but free weights (like dumbbells) and your own body weight as resistance.

Q: I’m not a bodybuilder – will this program still work for me?

A: Yes. The program was developed BY a bodybuilder, but it’s not just FOR bodybuilders. Think of it this way: Bodybuilders are the leanest, most muscular people in the world, so if you want to get leaner or more muscular, who better to learn from? I designed the program so you can use bodybuilder and fitness model techniques to reach your own personal goals, whether that’s building muscle or just toning up, losing 100 pounds or the last 10 pounds, getting ripped or just getting leaner than you are now.

Q: Does the program work as well for women as men?

A: Yes, in fact our membership is now more female than male (53% women and 47% men in our last survey). Women have different needs and the program gives you the exact calculations for the female metabolism (there are separate calculations for men). The workout programs work equally well for men and women (women need muscle too, most women simply want muscle tone, not muscle bulk).

Q: I just turned 54. Am I too old to start this program? Please be honest Tom.

A: Honestly, you’re too old NOT to get started. The science shows that college-age kids don’t have to worry about hormone levels and muscle loss – getting in shape is easy for them. From your 30’s to 40’s and beyond, when hormones and metabolism start to change, if you don’t eat the right food and get the right exercise, your muscles (and bone density) disintegrate faster with every passing year, while fat goes on easier. Age 35-55 is our biggest member demographic and more people are joining us after 55 than ever because that age group is finally discovering how crash diets accelerate aging while training and feeding the muscle reverses aging.

Q: I can’t eat wheat or any products with gluten. Can I still follow the nutrition part of the Burn the Fat program?

A: Yes. Gluten intolerance is common and you can easily work around it. The food choices are flexible and substitutions are easy.

Q: I’m lactose intolerant. Can I still do the Burn the Fat nutrition program?

A: Yes. Lactose intolerance is even more common and it’s also easy to work around it. Dairy products are optional on this program.

Q: Will this work for vegetarians?

A: The program is very easy to adapt for semi-vegetarians who eat dairy, eggs and or fish (no meat). The program was not designed specifically for vegans but can be adapted for vegans as well, as long as you’re able to customize your own meal plans based on which foods you eat.

Q: Will this work in my country? I’m worried about not having the foods required where I live.

A: Yes. We have thousands of members in over 150 countries and you can adapt the food choices to work wherever you live.

Q: How can I be sure it’s safe to order online from your website?

A: Our checkout page is on a secure server, we are a Verisign-trusted site (confirming our identity, location and virus-free status), we’re A+ rated by the NJ Better Business Bureau and our Burn the Fat company has been trusted online since 2003 with a reputation for integrity.

Q: How do I log in to the member’s area and how soon will I be able to start after I order?

A: Just click the “ADD TO CART” button below. You’ll be directed to a secure order page. After you submit your payment details, you’ll be forwarded to the new member registration page on the member’s-only (Inner Circle) site, where you’ll be asked to choose your private user name and password. You can then log in to the Burn The Fat members area and start just minutes from now. You get instant access to the member’s area. Click the yellow ADD TO CART button below to get started:

HOW PRODUCTS ARE DELIVERED: This is an all-digital (internet) product. Burn The Fat Inner Circle is a private membership website that you access online with a user name and password that you’ll choose on a registration page after you sign up. All the products, services and bonuses are delivered in the member’s area. No physical products will be shipped. You get instant access to the website right after you order.

* TESTIMONIALS AND RESULTS DISCLAIMER: Results shown in our testimonials may not be typical. Photos shown on this page are among our best case studies and transformation contest winners. Typical weight loss is 1 to 2 pounds per week. In overweight individuals, weight loss of up to 1% of total bodyweight per week is more common. Faster weight loss in the first 1-2 weeks is common but is usually water weight loss, not body fat. Faster fat loss is possible, but not likely. This is NOT a fad diet or rapid weight loss program. Burn the Fat is a healthy lifestyle program and a long term approach to body fat reduction and maintenance. Permanent weight loss requires long-term lifestyle change and cannot be guaranteed. [More info about typical results and Burn the Fat challenge results]

Click here to get Burn The Fat Body Transformation System – Tom Venuto at discounted price while it’s still available…

#Body #Burn #Fat #System #Tom #Transformation #Venuto

1 note · View note

flowers-that-i-sent · 3 years

Text

Tw: domestic abuse/stalking/hallucinating/drinking/ednos/ drugs/ptsd

*going to continue at some point*

*tldr: my abuser has been dead for years but I see his face everyday on strangers. I just saw him walking a dog down the street and its triggering me to isolate and be mute right now.

_________________________________________

When I was in my late teens I started to date this guy. He didn't really like me and idky he even played me out the way he did. I persuade the relationship and asked him if we could make it official. He said no but literally a minute later agreed. I barely remember how long we were together before he tried to call it off.

My dumbass begged him to give me another chance. It was obvious he didn't want to but again agreed.

[This was my fault. If I didn't beg for another chance things wouldn't of gone so far]

The next few months we started drinking more. His spit fire tongue turned towards me weekly. Daily. Hourly.

Coming from a home of verbal abuse i ignored it. It was normal.

I started to believe the horrible things he would say to me.

"Stupid."

"What were you thinking?!"

"Goddd!!" Followed by rolled eyes

Pokes my fat. "Eewwww!" Followed by a disgusted face.

I didn't realize it at the time but he was trying to push me away. Im assuming at least. Who would say those words to someone they wanted in their life.

When summer came things became more intense. He started obsessing over me now. I've gained about 30lbs from drinking and a poor diet. I was about 18 when I dated him and had little care about my appearance. I had less knowledge of health, fitness, and diet then I did of basic aesthetics.

Even though he belittled my appearance he didn't want me to leave him. After each public fight in front of his friends he pull me to the side and beg me not to leave.

Now, I can't remember if this part is in my head or really happened. I remember feeling like he said no one would want me because of my weight. This was around the same time I found out he was cheating on me. The girl was small. Blonde. Firery. Pretty in a whorish way.

He admitted to it the night it happen and apologized. We decided to work it out. And by working it out I mean I ignored him as he wildly cheated on me.

He continued with the Blonde. She knew of me. Who I was. That I was dating him. She projected flout on the outside and raging jealously on the inside.

She spat on me. She spat in my hair.

She walked away while pointing and laughing. The coward ran into her friends house before I could even get out of my seat.

He did nothing but sigh.

And we drove off.

_________________________________________

We ended up at a good friend's house. I told her what happen. My friend wanted, and would of, kicked her ass but I said I would take care of it. She expressed how I would let it go. How I was too nice of a person to do anything.

She was right. I let it go. This lead to a new depth to the abusive wedge I allowed into my life.

I am now a doormat.

The guy continued to cheat: tall, cute, super thin brunette; average height, pretty, super thin black hair. Besides their pretty faces they all had one thing in common. They were underweight.

I was still overweight and I thought he would stop if I lost the weight. So, I started doing something I haven't done since I was a child.

I stopped eating.

The weight slowly started coming off but I still ate like a pig (in my mind at least). I remember the day I decided to puke for the first time.

After I dropped everyone off for the night I bought a large sub, diet soda, and some breakfast sandwiches. I parked my car near a lake i did homework at and inhaled the breakfast. Grabbed my plastic bag and put my fingers down my throat. It hurt so bad. I teared up. I choked on food. I continued to eat. And I continued to force it back out.

It was working. I was losing weight. The restricting. The puking when I ate bad foods. The weight was coming off and people we noticing.

The Blonde who spat on me didn't even recognize me at a party. I remember her looking me up and down with a wtf expression. He still cheated on me with he though. He still cheated on me the the Black Haired girl.

As I lost weight he became more insecure. His abuse turned from verbal and emotional to physical. He always had a hint of control hovering over our relationship but that wasn't enough.

I can't remember when in the relationship it started but I remember what he did.

Pushing against the wall.

Head bunting.

Knife to throat

Attempt to crash my car while I was driving.

Guilting me to have sex.

Grabbing onto me until I said I wouldnt leave.

Blackmail.

One day I finally got the courage to leave him. I noticed other guys started looking at me. I was done. I knew I was finally pretty enough for someone else to love.

________________________________________

I decided to end it in a public place. Bluntly. No words just action.

We met up for lunch at a deli with some friends. I knew he wouldn't get physical in front of them. Just verbal. I ate my protein bar and drank my coffee. His hands were wrapped around my waist. Causal conversations filled the air.

It felt safe.

This was it. This was the time to move. He allowed me to unhook his arms. I started walking towards my car. He knew. I walked faster. Open the door. Got in. Locked it with in less then a second to spare. As soon as the door shut and locked i heard the handle being pulled. I heard the THUD! of the outside door handle drop. Unopened.

I made it.

I turn my engine on and drove off. He tried to stand in my way but I didn't care I would of driven off with him on my hood if it came down to it. Thankfully it didn't. On my drive to a safe location I was crying uncontrollable. The feeling was unreal. He called me on my cell phone minute after minute after minute. He continued for 30-60 minutes.

Now here's where there were more problems.

All of our friends were OUR friends.

I tried to stay friends with them. I even dealt with the fact that he would be at some parties months after i left him.. I just had to avoid him. He ended up stalking me. He broke into my car and stole my credit card and license. Said he would steal my identity if I didn't get back with him.

This happened at a real friends house and the cops were called. He was arrested. I didn't see him around for 2 years (he was at a party i was invited to). I cut almost all those mutuals out of my life. They didn't believe me anyway.

See, he was very charming. Very funny. Very manipulative. I was painted as the bad guy. The crazy one that yelled at him at parties. The one that started everything.

_______________________________________

Days turned into weeks. Months turned into years.

I weeded out the people who still hung out with him while I was present. He ended up heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. As well as myself.

He got arrested.

I got a college degree.

He went to jail for selling guns

I got married.

He took a plead deal and joined the army.

I bought a house and started a family.

He got kicked out of the army.

He contacted me 10 years after I broke it off.

I didn't know about the guns. If I knew I wouldn't of replied to him. I was very court with him.

"I'm happily married. Own a home. College educated. Pregnant with my first child." He respond back but I never answered. I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to know that I made it.

A few months later he OverDosed on Heroin.

Before he died I would hallucinate seeing him in cars next to me or in stores. It was never bad. Just once in a blue moon. Now its weekly. Multiple times a week to be frank. And I dont know how to make it stop.

Its also so sad. Even years later no one who remained friends with both of us believes me when I tell them how bad it was. They still mourn him every year while I fear his ghost everyday.

* need to edit later

#story time #trigger warning #for everything #domestic abuse #ed trigger #ednos #drugs #alcohol #stalking #ptsd #hallucinations

0 notes

themeed · 3 years

Text

well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.

went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).

other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.

which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.

we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.

and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.

im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.

gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.

on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?

maybe.

im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.

i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.

i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.

ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.

i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.

and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.

i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.

that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.

ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.

freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.

fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.

im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.

im crying now.

im gonna get some water and curl up.

just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.

im scattered. hey, more progress ig.

insight, at least.

i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.

what if they call me a liar and call it a day?

yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.

im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.

gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.

fuck.

anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.

me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.

gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.

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b0stonmanor · 6 years

Text

since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am

1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)

2: Age:19

3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life

4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping

5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh

6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao

7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner

8: Sexual orientation: pansexual

9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao

10: How tall am I: 5′8

11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name

12: What time was I born: 2:06am

13: Favourite color: blue

14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man

15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs

16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house

17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo

18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not

19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)

20: First thing I notice in new person: smile

21: Shoe size: no

22: Eye color: hazel

23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red

24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho

25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally

27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken

28: Favourite movie: I have way too many

29: Favourite song: again way too many

30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many

31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted

32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad

33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single

34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay

35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes

42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me

45: Where am I right now?: my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom

49: Am I excited for anything?: nah

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao

55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch

57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front

61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes

64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch

65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma

66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees

67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh

69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)

71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye

74: Favourite animal?: cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question

78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea

80: What is my favorite word? bitch

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking

86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic

87: Had sex?: nah

88: Bought condoms?: nah

89: Gotten pregnant?: nah

90: Failed a class?: nah

91: Kissed a boy?: ye

92: Kissed a girl?: ye

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah

94: Had job?: ye

95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah

97: Had sex in public?: nah

98: Played on a sports team?: ye

99: Smoked weed?: ye

100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah

102: Drank alcohol?: ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried

104: Been overweight?: no answer

105: Been underweight? also no answer

106: Been to a wedding?: ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye

109: Been outside my home country?: nah

110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course

111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye

112: Broken a bone?: ye

113: Cut myself?: ye

114: Been to prom?: ye

115: Been in airplane?: ye

116: Fly by helicopter?: nah

117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely

119: Learned another language?: not fully

120: Wore make up?: ye

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god

122: Had oral sex?: nah

123: Dyed my hair?: ye

124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet

125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me

126: Had a surgery?: nah

127: Met someone famous?: I guess?

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this

129: Peed outside?: ye

130: Been fishing?: ye

131: Helped with charity?: I think so

132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected

133: Broken a mirror?: probably

134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea

136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt

137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye

138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea

139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History

140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire

141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao

143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am

145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah

148: What I’m really bad at: everything

149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff

152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows

153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao

154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things

155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know

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