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#but the Lauren episodes make these questions questionable
enteringdullsville · 2 months
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‘24 was alright, but it’s definitely the Action to ‘23’s Island; stuck having to continue a tough act to follow.
I know I’m skipping Pahkitew Island (and to a lesser extent World Tour) to get to this, but I have a lot of ideas for what I want (but don’t at all expect) for a third season.
First the elephants in the room, the newbies. Assuming season three is full length, 18 contestants is seems like a good cast size. Nick, labeled “The Know-It-All”, is like an unholy cross between Sierra and Dave: He’s seen every episode of this show fifteen times…and he’s already regretting attending. He’s actually an online critic who made the vital mistake of pissing off Chris in front of millions of his (Nick’s) viewers, prompting Chris to personally reach out to invite him onto the show. The fact Nick’s an in-universe character means he’s a lot more fair to the contestants than most fans and critics would be, but he’s still incredibly caustic to everyone with a pulse (and also Scary Girl). Felicity, labeled “The Gamer Junky” combines Sam’s interests and Lindsay’s demeanor…which I guess is just Kitty. More or less the pain magnet for the first half of the season (Damien takes over partway through), Felicity’s a moderately famous streamer with a rapier wit and is almost as athletic and coordinated as Tyler. She’s more straightforwardly a fan of the show, that’s why Chris picked her, but given that her team is a ticking time bomb, she’s gonna hafta work fast.
The teams consist of the Hiding Snakes (Nick, Damien, Julia, MK, Wayne, Raj, Priya, Millie, and Caleb) and the Feral Kittens (Felicity, Nichelle, Bowie, Emma, Zee, Chase, Ripper, Axel, and Lauren).
Episode 1. The cast is dragged kicking and screaming back to wherever the season takes place. Wawanakwa again? The abandoned movie lot? Boney Island? Who knows, but they don’t have to worry about it, since the challenge is solely for the new duo to pick their teams by collecting golden statuettes of the cast. Maybe it is an Action Sequel.
Episode 2. Nick and Felicity both have their work cut out for them. In one corner is Nick, who has to put up with Julia/MK vs Priya and also everyone on his team not named Wayne. On the other corner is Felicity, who has the misfortune of being caught up in a popularity contest: now that Ripper and Axel are dating, Chase feels he and Zee have been left in the dust (Zee has no clue what’s happening), leaving Chase and Axel to bicker endlessly throughout the challenge. Meanwhile, Emma’s finally taking her opportunity to patch things up with Bowie, who himself is more preoccupied with Scary Girl, who’s taking her loss last season about as well as Courtney did in Island. The absurdity of Ripper being forced to play the voice of reason is not lost on him, but it doesn’t save him from elimination by Felicity, Nichelle, Emma, and Bowie to make the arguing stop. I didn’t want to eliminate him so soon, but he made it halfway through two seasons, so it had to be done.
Episode 3. So it turns out sending the one guy keeping Axel in check and Chase from accidentally killing everything packing was not Felicity’s best idea. Feli and Niche bond over poor game decisions (and the fact the latter’s career is starting to pick back up helps too), while Emma and Bowie are now on speaking terms again. Speaking of which, Emma tries to sic Lauren on Chase (he’s voted her off twice now), giving a recap of all the reckless and insane stuff he’s done. Gotta get rid of your distractions while you can. Unfortunately for Ms. People Person, Lauren was nicknamed “Reckless and Insane Girl” before signing up and the two surprisingly hit it off. MEANWHILE BACK AT THE LAB Nick picks up where Bowie left off and commandeers Julia and MK’s cheating skills for the team, much to Priya’s chagrin. Caleb grows worried about Priya’s mental state, but Millie, determined not to screw herself over again, goes with everything she says without question. In the end, Zee goes home, still hopelessly confused about why everyone’s fighting, but at least avoiding any major social gaffes. It’s a good thing he and Ripper merged twice, otherwise I’d really feel like scum.
Episode 4. This one’s a breather, but we don’t have to tell them that. Nick for the first time is divided over his role as a contestant and as a critic. As a contestant, he knows it’s best to keep Julia, Priya, Wayne, and Caleb as close to him as possible (and pats himself on the back for acing the team picking challenge), but as a critic he doesn’t particularly want to keep them around, especially Julia and Priya who pulled a Gweathuncanoey and have stuck around for two seasons in their entirety. He also kinda wants MK and Julia to become an item. On the flip side, since Emma introduced Chase to his demented new bestie, he’s gotten even more crazy himself and spends the entire challenge locked in a dare contest with Nichelle. Emma and Bowie watch on in amusement to take the latter’s mind off of being separated from Raj, while Axel reminisces about simpler times when she was an early boot. Caleb and Millie continue their power quartet with Damien (who has taken it upon himself to start lugging a first aid kit every he goes) and Priya, whose fuse grows shorter than Eva’s.
Episode 5. Caleb should probably know better than to make deals behind Priya’s back by this point, but it’s her own fault for sharing the Bow’s taste in men. Since the final four of the previous season (and also Damien) are all on the same team, Lauren makes her first strategistical move now that she knows the group’s biggest fears. MK proves to be a tougher nut to crack, however, building on the two’s interactions in the 24 finale. Axel and Chase have entered “Cold War” territory and are both trying to gather allies. Emma and Bowie are a given (although the latter can’t promise anything), and Chase has Scary, but Felicity and Nichelle are anyone’s game. Not that it really matters though, since that deal I mentioned was for The Boys (TM) to vote Caleb out, since he doesn’t want to hold Priya back anymore. Priya is crushed, Julia is laughing hysterically, and Damien’s salty that nobody voted him off when he was literally asking for it. I didn’t want to give him the Gwen/Ezekiel treatment where he’s the lowest member of two teams, especially since it means he’s 16th again, but here we are. Curse my impartiality!
Episode 6. Knowing Priya’s going to stick around as long as she has allies, Julia and MK start gunning for Millie, hoping she slips up eventually. Nick, however, secretly chooses to plot against the duo, even though MK is his favorite character from this season, because honestly, who would you pick as an ally? Meanwhile, the Kitty Kold War’s come to a boiling point with Nichelle and Felicity’s votes up for grabs. Bowie’s been on Team Axel, but after suffering a migraine all day decides to join the two wildcards. In the end however, Wayne genuinely asks Axel and Chase why they’re even arguing to begin with. Realizing that Ripper’s already gone by this point, they decide to cooperate this one time…a decision that sends poor Wayne right to the losers’ circle. I wanted to see how long I could keep the Hockey Bros around before I had to eliminate the one who lasted longer last season. At least he still has his sick awesome two buses.
Episode 7. Did somebody say “reward challenge”? With the teams even for the first time since the second episode, the two have to wrangle up old contestants scattered across the lot (I decided this will be the Action reboot), and appropriately it’s the three most frustrating contestants to track down: Shawn for the Kittens (much to zombie slayer Axel’s delight), Dawn for the Snakes (much to tiny Tsundere MK’s horror), and for a bonus, Ezekiel (who Chris has “procrastinated a bit” on retrieving). This one’s more or less an excuse for character growth, so that’s why I’m describing the challenge in a little more detail. Anywho, Dawn, Shawn, and the one whose name doesn’t rhyme are all caught, the Kittens winning. And MK’s secrets are totally safe and not revealed to the public at all. In other news, Dawn and Shawn both want off the lot immediately after finding out Scary Girl’s still on it.
Episode 8. (Sotto Voce) I’m gonna have to eliminate a girl sooner or later. Anywho, the Cold War arc has finally cooled down since even Axel can’t stay mad forever and Chase is too narcissistic to hold a grudge. With the merge coming up, Felicity requests Nichelle train her since her leadership skills can only get her so far at this point. Priya and Millie are taking the opportunity to relax since Julia and MK are still awkward about the secret crush I totally lied about earlier. Maybe they’ll get together, maybe they won’t…but Nick ensures they totally do, if only because he refuses to let his OTP sink…at least not before he takes the opportunity to eliminate MK, who’s both a bigger social threat and less of a physical aid at the moment. I think she’s made it far enough for me not to have to explain her elimination in detail.
Episode 9. With Julia out of allies, she’s gotta either guarantee her team wins, bribe Chris into throwing in another immunity idol, or make one of her teammates look less desirable than her. In unrelated news, Raj is still missing Wayne after I cruelly tore the two apart. Axel’s now in on Nichelle and Felicity’s alliance, meaning Emma and Bowie have to get in their good books before Scary Girl (she’s still plenty mad at him) does what Fang does best. Try as the noble Priyanka and Millicent may, Julia manages to play up Raj’s misery to get Nick and Damien (in a moment of weakness) to vote him off. For whom Raj himself voted, I didn’t think too hard about, but the Snakes are sucking for a team with four different finalists on it. Oh, and Bowie is pissed. TOTAL DRAMA BOMB!
Episode 10. In the final pre merge episode, not much occurs. That dang moon from All-Stars is making Lauren act strange, even by her own standards, and not in a productive way. Bowie throws caution into the wind and goes all out in trying to make sure Julia goes home (don’t have to tell them twice), making Emma realize how tiring it is to have to play damage control to someone else’s revenge schemes. Nichelle takes charge, refusing to get eliminated before the merge again, while Chase gets everything on film. By this point, Millie’s competent enough to single-handedly win this for her team, and also by this point, Scary’s freaked enough people to get voted out. Of course, this isn’t the last we’ll see of her…because she ran off before Chef could apprehend her.
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We now interrupt this program to bring you this picture of Team Victory I drew for a follow up to my iconic TDWT/Jellystone animatic. I wasn’t feeling like making a whole video, but I kept the boarded first shot anyway.
Episode 11. Chris has dissolved the teams for one purpose: catch Scary Girl before she tries to reenact the events of Scarlett Fever. To make a long freaking story short, they apprehend her…and Chris decides to go the Dakota route and give her a promotion…to tertiary third host…meaning she has the means to cause even more mayhem. And no, Chase, that doesn’t mean you get to submit challenge ideas.
Episode 12. It’s Scary’s first day on the new job, but Chris insists she “sTaRt SmAlL”. The girls’ alliance approaches Nick, partially to build their numbers but also because Felicity feels it’s only fair she at least tries to build a friendship with the other rookie player. He agrees, but only if he can bring Damien (his best friend on the island and his second favorite character). Bowie and Emma take their chance to get rid of two birds with one stone, since Priya and Julia now have nothing stopping them from maiming each other. And maim, maim, maim they do, since (as you could probably guess by how I highlighted their names), they both get sent packing! Did I deliberately hold off on voting them out solely so they’d reach the merge a third time? Yes. Did I do this because having them be proper enemies instead of rivals like in 23 was entertaining? Yes. Did I also do this to piss off the people complaining they (read: mostly Priya) had too much screen time? YES! Do I love making this fan base cry? You tell me.
Episode 13. Against his alliance’s better judgment, Nick tries to edge Bowie back into active villainy, realizing too late he’s prioritized competent gameplay over plot by getting rid of the main conflict. Unbeknownst to him, Millie has her sights on him, correctly viewing his alleged alliance as suspicious, not to mention him turning against MK a few episodes back. Damien suffers from a terrible disease called “having Scary Girl in your general vicinity”, and to add figurative insult to literal injury has to deal with Chase trying to befriend him at her request. Luckily for everyone, it’s a reward challenge for the final eight.
Episode 14. Nick may have awakened a monster. Trying to stir up drama again, he decides it’s a great idea to set Lauren on Emma, claiming A: that it’s the best way to get his attention, and B: that only she gets to cause him harm. Feeling genuine emotions of protection for the first time in her life, she does all she can to make Emma suffer (even though the latter genuinely doesn’t care what Chase does at this point and is willing to be polite if he doesn’t pull anything). Millie and Bowie put aside their differences to stake out Nick, but of course Bowie has other plans. The girls’ alliance continues to serve and oh would you look at that, Emma’s gone because she’s canonically rich anyway and Scary’s not gonna let up while she’s still on the island. I could’ve made her elimination not Chase related. But I didn’t. Emma deserves better, but this is Total Drama, where we don’t even remotely give a crap.
Episode 15. Bowie’s out of allies and Scary’s still after him, so now he really needs to keep Millie close, and what better way is there than to break up an alliance? Nick’s more than a little suspicious about Millie’s sudden investment about everything he does, prompting Bowie to claim she’s in love with him and can’t communicate it. Nick is doubtful, but the idea behind planted in his mind causes him to catch feelings. Damien, being Nick’s confidant and feeling guilty about how he indirectly screwed Priya and Caleb (and also Zee) last season concerning their romance arc, tries to steer him away from her. Axel and Scary bond a little when they trick out the Sling of Shame, and by that I of course mean they accidentally break it in half. Chris already sold the Drone of Despair, so let’s call this one a draw.
Episode 16. Bowie, now fully back in the groove of things, tries to drive a wedge between Nick and the rest of his alliance, while Nick has some delicious angst over what he should do about his budding feelings, knowing full well that Bowie’s lying to him but failing to realize Millie wants him gone. Felicity pops up for the first time in a while, which in Island would mean she’s going home next (let’s imagine she won immunity last episode) but here means the girls’ alliance goes through its first rough patch when Axel, who’s long since taken over as leader, tests Felicity’s resolve. Unfortunately for Axel, Millie, Bowie, Damien, and Nick view her signature brand of tough love out of context and drop her like Ripper’s parents dropped him.
Episode 17. Ten episodes left and a lucky number seven contestants remain. Chris tells the kids (or are they 18 by now?) upfront that today’s a reward challenge, the prize being a FaceTime with the eliminated contestants. Millie, still wanting answers, and Bowie, wanting to see Raj again, immediately dissolve their alliance. Everyone tries (except Chase, who had a phone the entire time and got to keep it three seasons in a row by not being as obvious as Julia was), but Millie comes out on top, ultimately learning about Nick’s alliance…and his crush. She has the decency to let Raj and Wayne say hi to Bowie. Chase learns something, too…
Episode 18. Nick decides Bowie’s more trouble than he’s worth, but rather than just telling everyone to vote him off (which he predictably finds overused), he decides to play a game of “show, but don’t tell”. So using that as the episode title. He immediately decides to play this on hard mode with the two remaining contestants who have the least amount of beef with him: the fangirl Felicity and the airheaded Chase. Surprisingly, this actually works and Bowie gets sent home, Nick realizing he doesn’t have to rely on others to make drama for him. Millie sees what he’s doing but is confused about his slightly convoluted methods, not helped by Nick’s complete and utter failure to explain himself, by this point completely smitten. Damien notices that Nick’s popularity is fading and decides to lie low for a bit rather than betray him or risk being associated with him.
Episode 19. Reward challenge time? With only Millie, Felicity, Nichelle, Chase, Damien, and himself left, Nick seriously considers playing the main villain. Chase is the odd man out, lacking any sort of alliance and still having sort of a target on his back, but he doesn’t seem too concerned. Millie struggles to approach Nick without breaking his heart, since while he isn’t really her ally, he hasn’t really done much to wrong her. After all, he’s a better partner than opponent.
Episode 20. Every villain has their nemesis, and Nick was not expecting it to be Chase of all people, but Chase outs him before Millie can. Damien sticks by Nick (in silence of course, because he’s still friends with Nichelle and to a lesser extent Felicity), but Millie’s conflicted. Nonetheless, Nichelle and Felicity start gunning for him, breaking up the alliance, and they would’ve gotten away with it too, if Chris didn’t remember sudden death challenges exist. Millie has the misfortune of finishing last and is sent home, but not before she decides to just ask him out, figuring she doesn’t have anything to lose at this point.
Episode 21. Notice a pattern? It’s another reward challenge! Scary Girl’s been in a rut lately, and the challenges have grown dull, so Chris has brought in many of TD’s most terrifying beasts, mutants included back on to spice things up a bit. Even the Dakotazoid returns, half the size she was before but now sporting wings for some reason. I guess mutations evolve. Chase chooses now to start caring about other people, but because it’s Chase it’s doomed to backfire horribly, given that it gives Lauren a wonderfully wicked idea…
Episode 22. …that involves locking people in closets. Specifically Chris and Chef. Scary Girl’s the host today and she’s back and more terrifying than ever. Nick, Nichelle, Felicity, and Chase put aside their differences (not that Felicity ever had issues with any of them) when the challenge becomes “Stop Lauren”. Aaaand now I realize Scarlett Fever was probably recycled from the scrapped episode where Dakota hosted the show after locking Chris and Chef in a closet herself. Anywho, Chase is fired on the spot for starting this whole mess…right before Scary kisses him, resigns, hops on the sling with him, declaring him her “boyfriend for eternity”. Chase has only half a second to process what the freshwater frick just happened before getting flung away.
Episode 23. Can you tell I’m getting tired? Only four remain, split between two alliances who used to be part of a greater one. Nick assures the others it’s nothing personal before things can start. Things happen, hijinks ensue, interns are mauled, but it’s ultimately Nichelle who crosses the finish line last. Better 4th than 12th or 14th. On that note, now we all know Felicity’s gonna be a finalist.
Episode 24. Nick and Damien part ways somewhat amicably, Nick knowing it was bound to happen eventually.
Episode 25. One final breather episode: this one’s just a big pre finale party! Really, the only thing the contestants need to worry about are Chase diving into the cake, Wayne and Raj freezing the pool, and Julia and MK doing their darnedest to bring the mood down.
Episode 26. A simple, no frills finale…is what I’d say if Chris hadn’t brought back every finalist the show has had (including Ezekiel, ostensibly because he got the TDWT prize money, but mostly to squeeze some mayhem in before Zeke’s first therapy meeting), in particular Priya, Bowie, Millie, Wayne, Julia, and Caleb. Damien vs Felicity vs Nick, battle of the nerds! Three go in…one comes out.
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I’ve been thinking, and the more I think about it, the more suspicious this whole “witching event of the century” thing becomes to me.
I mean, okay. 5 out of 8 of the witches selected for the competition had no grand motivation for becoming the next Supreme Witch (as far as we know). Eloise specifically seems to see this whole thing as an excuse to have fun, make friends and get more powerful on top of that.
But then you get into the people who actually have backstories revealed, and, well.
Scott was living alone in the woods, desperately trying to learn advanced necromancy with no teacher and stolen books he only half-understood.
Shubble was traveling alone in a caravan, thinking that nobody likes her for her powers and she just makes everyone miserable by just being around them.
Prismarina was on the run from “them”, and only became a Water Witch because she literally dived into the ocean to escape them.
Joey was disowned because he manifested a dangerous power that was opposite to his family’s, and he pushes himself to learn an incompatible type of magic that doesn’t naturally come to him in order to return to them.
And Lauren. Poor Lauren was living alone in the desert to escape bullies who picked on her for not having any magic, and she attached herself to the first person she met since then, even though he literally burned her first.
Actually, when you think about it, ALL of the witches were living alone, presumably. They were isolated.
And Joey, Scott, and Lauren especially weren’t just alone. They were desperate too.
Let’s analyze Joey for a good example. He’d just lost the people who loved him, his home, and his security. Thrown out into the cold because of who he was. Then, not long after he came to terms with the gravity of his situation, an invitation is sent to him in a beam of pure white light. An Invitation to a contest that will (hopefully) grant him the powers to return to his family and be accepted.
It’s a miracle. It’s just what he needed.
But that begs the question... Why?
I mean, of course we know why the witches want to compete. We know that the SW needs a successor.
But... why them?
Lauren and Shubble were literal nobodies before this. Scott was a common theif stealing important tomes from traders and librarians. Joey was a member of a powerful, prestigious bloodline, sure, but the “was” there is the critical word. Pris was a literal fugitive. And Cupquake didn’t even WANT to be the next SW, but Mother Nature sent her on the path to that destiny in order to become a sort of hero. And we all know heroes are most often forced to follow the plot of their stories.
Why, out of all the witches in the world, would the Supreme Witch choose them?
I mean, I guess you could say she was feeling charitable. Even the contestants who didn’t win would grow in power, reaching almost their full potential. The SW is of failing health anyway, and who knows? Maybe she was a former nobody who won her own contest. Maybe she wanted to give the new generation’s contestants a chance. Maybe she was a good witch.
But... what if she wasn’t?
Hear me out. The Supreme Witch is being secretive and vague for a reason. A dark reason.
Maybe... she’s a liar. And maybe all the NPCs are in on it.
Take Ogien for example. She’s a rather rude witch, saying in Pris’s second episode that she “doesn’t have feelings”. She seems to not like Pris right out of the gate, and yet she’s the only one who tells her assigned contestant the full story. I mean,, not to base characters off of appearances, but she does look like a dark and regal villainess to me.
Ogien. What if she was completely and utterly talking out of her ass? What if nothing she said was the truth?
And if Ogien was lying, then, what if Mother Earth herself was also?
“But she’s Mother Nature!” I hear you say, “What reason would a good spirit like her have to lie to one of her followers?”
Let me remind you of something from the Book of Origins. The section on Nature Witches.
“Maker of vines, teller of lies.“
Now, why would that be at the very top of the description? Why are lies so heavily associated with nature witches? Why would the author of the book put so much emphasis on deceit?
Maybe some liars among the Nature Witches gave the others a bad name. Maybe there’s a stereotype among witchkind.
Or maybe this is foreshadowing. Maybe everyone associated with Mother Earth is destined to become caught in a web of lies. Because Mother Earth herself, as a deceitful spider with vine webbing.
And poor Cupquake has no idea.
Here’s my theory. The great challenge that everyone’s been invited to, the race to become the next Supreme Witch... is a total scam.
The SW doesn’t want these people to succeed her. Maybe she doesn’t want anyone to succeed her. Maybe no one will end up getting what they were promised.
But what could the SW want with these inexperienced outcasts? To drain their power, perhaps? To sacrifice them to the mentioned demon, if they even exist?
I guess we’ll find out.
And if this ends up being true, then obviously Cleo will figure this out. I mean, she’s Cleo!
But I don’t think she’ll be the one to realize first.
I think the first one to Know Too Much will be Eloise. Because she is an Illusion Witch. She knows what it’s like to be blinded. She knows how to tell when witches are being misleaded.
But the question is: will the witches be able to save themselves from this trap?
And if things go south, if they’re found out in turn... who will die?
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bulkhummus · 3 months
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I have some thoughts about episode 240 and I'd like to share them all with you here.
[Long post under cut]
I've been thinking mainly about the VHS tapes, and the idea of them being this kind of legacy that one has to hold on to, before giving them up and letting them become a memory.
And with that, I'm thinking about the literal physical act of cutting the cord after swiftly announcing who you are. Cutting the cord is an idiom for becoming independent. In broadcasting (TV or otherwise) it's dropping a channel you no longer want to view.
Kevin announcing to the town who he was, and then subsequently cutting out the broadcast in one fell swoop not only declares his independence, but also takes control right back. To cut the cord implies, to me, no longer being defined by that of what one has been defined by for eons.
An ancient radio host.
A man who has wandered the desert for centuries.
Given everything we know about Cecil and Kevin's relationship, and the animosity, and then perhaps vague understanding later on, it is no wonder that Cecil was the one to make the boy confront who he is. So much has happened to Cecil since he last saw Kevin. Angels are real. He's a father. His town has been explained away and brought back to life. Cecil doesn't give him a choice to turn his head away.
Cecil, who so rarely has the opportunity or ability to truly confront who his is, seeing a young boy in front of him asking the same questions, looking in dire need of an explanation, and instead of telling him, Cecil makes him confront it. Cecil's job isn't to explain, it's to observe, report and offer perspective.
So I'm thinking about Cecil as a father, who was once himself a child abandoned by his mother, giving this child, despite who it clearly is, the chance to come into his own, even if its terrifying. And I wouldn't even be bringing this up if it were not for the beginning bit at the episode about Tamika worrying about the knife the boy was holding. Cecil's calm, "Well, is he doing anything with the knife? Has he hurt anyone with the knife?" is so..... parental in a way that Tamika hasn't had the time to really cultivate herself yet.
Carlos seemingly, once again, was aware of something before everybody else and chose to stay silent. Some things some people are meant to discover on their own, and perhaps Carlos knew this, but I also think Carlos was once again afraid. Cecil has had eons to become comfortable with not understanding the truth, where Carlos has only had about two decades (or one, depending on how you want to view it) to become accustomed to it.
The beauty of this episode is that I feel like it is about the anxieties of being a parent. And it did it so beautifully without ever directly saying it. Think about it.
You have Tamika unsure but trusting her instincts, you have Carlos encouraging curiosity despite what it may entail, and Cecil, letting the boy define himself despite his fear.
In a very dramatic, reversed horror story trope, Cecil allowed Kevin to define himself, despite what that's going to entail. He doesn't know if it's going to be anything good, but that's the risk you take as a parent. I'm not saying that Cecil is Kevin's parent here, just to be clear, I'm saying symbolically speaking, sometimes we have to let people make their own choices and be their own people, and sometimes they end up doing bad things or making bad choices and we have to live with that. Sometimes it's not our place to step in. Sometimes we are just an observer, it's not our job to change the story, but to simply let it unfold.
That's the job and the anxiety of being a parent, of a person, of a friend, of a reporter.
The beauty of this episode is that it's a rebirth. And we've been given hints over the last handful of episodes. The murals, the children worshipping, the snake god (Cecil's whole bit about being swallowed by a snake in episode freaking 1) of Carlos un-explaining the town, the car crash on Buellton Avenue, of Lauren even saying (episode 237) "Because to ignore our past is to destroy our future. I hope you don't have anything in your past that you have not atoned for, Kevin." etc. All of these themes have been present.
So, to go back to the tapes and of legacy, and how legacy can be traded off for the relief of memory. These two people, once solely defined as their position at their station, have diverged.
The last time Cecil and Kevin were alone in a studio together (physically, and if memory serves) Cecil was taking back his station from Kevin. In episode 48 Cecil even says, as a one off, "Don't run with knives". Since then, Cecil has had the opportunity to really create roots elsewhere, to set aside a legacy and create memories, all we have heard of Kevin (recently that is) is him being subsumed by Lauren who, might I add, kept making him call her 'Mother'.
And now, here we have Kevin, cutting the cord, cutting out the broadcast, not as a double, not as a replacement, not as his past or his future, but as Kevin.
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ditzydoodiary · 3 months
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autistic ramble about twilight sparkle because i love her sm and shes my fave autistic comfort character !!!
this took a really long time to make, and im really proud of it, so any reblogs/reshares would be appreciated ! especially if you like mlp !!
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when people say she isnt autistic, i always find myself very surprised. i think to myself, have these people even watched the show??because yes, while the writers and lauren faust may not have intended for her to be explicitly autistic, she is very clearly portrayed that way, intentional or not. not to mention that lauren faust (creator of friendship is magic) has recently responded to a tweet saying that she thought pinkie pie being adhd was obvious; lauren faust has adhd herself, so its not surprising that so many of the mlp fim characters also posess many of the same traits as her. and i also raise the question; if she thought pinkie pie was obvious as having adhd, then why would twilight be any different?? she is very clearly autistic, but i dont think twilight's obvious neurodivergence has been addressed by lauren yet (unless im wrong of course, but i just haven't found anything about it when ive searched for it).
anywho, to list just a few of twilight's autistic traits:
- trouble socialising and making friends (this is literally the main plot point of the first few seasons and is even still present in the later seasons, so its not like this was just a one time thing). an example of this would be in the very first episode when twinkleshine, lemon hearts, and minuette invite her to moondancer's party; she awkwardly declines, saying that she needs to catch up on her studying instead. to this the other ponies say, "ugh, does that pony do anything except study? i think shes more interested in books than friends"
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- she has a very obvious special interest in reading, books, research, and the study of pony magic. she indulges in these interests to such a level where she often loses track of time and stays awake all night, and often misses out on opportunities to socialise with her friends. when she cant indulge in them, she gets upset. this ties into finding comfort in routines, too.
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- taking things literally (e.g: that part in "look before you sleep" where she takes rarity's statement about them getting warmer in regards to playing a game literally). look before you sleep is also a great episode showing her need to have everything planned out; in this episode, twilight has her first slumber party, and uses a slumber party planning book as a guide. she thinks has to follow every single instruction in the exact same order, and when rarity and applejack dont oblige, she gets upset.
- HEAVILY relies on schedules and planning. she utilises all kinds of lists; visual lists, written lists, checklists, etc. when she's unable to stick to her routines/plans, she becomes irrationally upset and/or angry, lashes out at other people and can have meltdowns. this is again shown all throughout the show, but is more prominent in the episode "lesson zero".
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- LOVES organising, lining things up, and finding visual patterns in all sorts of things. she'll often just do this for fun and as a way to calm down, while others might find this more of a chore. i suppose this can be done as a form of visual stimming? I don't really know what this is called; but i know a lot of autistic people do it. i suppose this could also tie into needing routines and structure, as organising things can help autistic people feel more in control and can provide a sense of stability.
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- she can often come off as insensitive or rude without meaning to, and sometimes she struggles with tone as well as being quite blunt. this is most likely due to her misunderstanding or being unable to read typical social cues. this could also perhaps be linked to low empathy, which is something a fair few individuals on the spectrum experience. this is especially true in the earlier seasons, but still shown in the later seasons as well.
- twilight also struggles with regulating her emotions and having meltdowns; this is typically the result of her needs not being properly met and her routines being changed. and when she's not having full blown meltdowns, she can at least be seen being snappy towards her friends when overwhelmed.
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- stimming !!! oh boy does she stim a lot. stomping her hooves, jumping up and down, PACING (this is a big one), teleporting spontaneously when overwhelmed, flapping her wings, etc. in fact, twilight once paced so hard for so long that she made a groove in the floor without even realising !! (this was seen in the episode "its about time" - which is also a good episode that showcases her autistic traits)
- shes also sometimes shown struggling with overstimulation; in the third episode of the series, "the ticket master", twilight gets overwhelmed by her friends crowding around her and loudly shouting, resulting in her running off and snapping at them.
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- shes often shown struggling with generalised anxiety, which is another common trait of autism.
and the best part is, this is obviously a common occurrence, and her friends fully support her through her struggles !!! her meltdowns, overthinking and anxiety are so frequent, that her friends know exactly what to do and how to help her.
obviously, this isn't every trait, this is just all the surface level stuff !!
i would have included more video and photo examples, but tumblr has a limit on how many you can add to a post :( i hope i still got my point across despite that !!
all in all, i think she's wonderful autistic representation !! even if this wasn't intentional, i still think it's great and love the way her personality and traits were portrayed. the main character of a children's show possessing these traits is awesome and something you don't see too often !! i hope lauren or at least someone on the production team talks about this, because it means a lot to myself and many other autistic people who love mlp <3
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I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x5
[I mean, if Luke would have been at the counter when Lorelai and Suki are talking about her getting you know, you would have lost your mind.] But I did. I did lose my mind, and I lost it indirectly at Suki and I did say to them, I don't know how you guys ever get any work done. Now he was he can hear. That's his place, he hears, he knows what's going on. He can't show his cards right. He's not going to get you know, weepy about it. He's gonna get pissed....That was indirect anger for Lauren. -Scott 
 Why is Luke always grumpy? Answer the question why is he grumpy? He's not. He's grumpy because he's in love with a woman that he can't get, who doesn't really respect him. Who and I've been in this situation where somebody said to me, I can't take you seriously at one point in my life when I before I became successful. Um, yeah, I can't take you seriously. You don't even make fifty thousand dollars a year. Yeah, I've heard that. I've heard that, and and and that's kind of how he feels. It's like, she'll never take me seriously. The daughter doesn't take me seriously. And I'm grumpy because I'm never going to get this woman because she's gonna date a million guys and now she's with this Max guy. And every time he resolves it in his own mind just to sort of all right, screw it, except it. [He's liked her for a decade] sixteen years. Okay, so four seasons in he finally kisses her there, finally, you know, it finally happens. That's twenty years he's been sitting there twenty years in love with that woman and not feeling worthy and being you know, knowing that the uh, the gap in class and wealth and is keeping them apart because he's terrified of her He's terrified of her. [I literally just realized because when you first said it in this conversation, you're like, why do you think he's grumpy. It's because he's in love with her. I was like, oh, Scott's being so like dramatic, and now I'm like, oh my god, you've loved her since she moved to stars Hallow] Why yell? Why yell at Suki with so much ferocity for being behind the counter and then getting in Lorelais face and saying, next time you bring her in here put her on a chain. It's it's like, it's like, f you to where you come from. F Max Medina, F your conversations that I can overhear. You don't even have enough respect for me not to talk about this stuff when I'm serving you and I'm been in love with you for you know, sixteen years. It's amazing the guy didn't explode before season two. Just spontaneously combust with all his issues. -Scott 
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livinggeekchic · 5 months
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For #phreread2023 week 5, @laukisimp and I collaborated to analyze Hecate’s prophecy in Episode 69 “Moon Maiden” and decipher what it tells us about Lauren’s character development.
When Lauren visits the circus for the first time, she is pulled aside by Hecate (the fortuneteller) for a tarot reading. Lauren draws five cards: the two of swords, the five of cups, the tower, the ten of swords, and death. These cards foretell events that will take place over the next two seasons—and we believe the clues in Hecate’s words can be decoded to pinpoint specific moments in Lauren’s character growth arc, leading up to the moment she’s kidnapped in 158.
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The two of swords represents the confusion we face when forced to make a difficult choice. Blindfolded, the woman cannot see the problem clearly and thus cannot find a solution. Throughout S2 and S3, we see that Lauren avoids facing hard truths. She knows that the people around her could be Phantom Scythe, but doesn’t want to believe it can be anyone close to her. She knows Kieran likely can tell her something about the kidnapped kids—about what happened to Dylan—but she’s too afraid to ask. She needs to remove the blindfold and allow herself to seek the answers to these questions. She needs to choose a path: continue to blindly chase the Phantom Scythe in her quest for revenge, or move on and live for the future?
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The five of cups explains why she can’t make that choice: she’s too focused on the loss of her childhood friend, her perceived failure to save him and the others at Allendale (and in losing her rank, putting her even further from figuring out what happened), and the disappointment and guilt that she feels over what happened in her past. She is unable to let go and forgive herself, and thus, she cannot see the two standing cups: new opportunities and potential. She has the potential to help save Kieran, and the opportunity to do a lot of good for everyone who’s caught up in this war between the royals and the Phantom Scythe. In the episodes just prior to this, Lauren and Kieran visit Greychapel and discuss how poor the conditions are. Kieran states that while they’re trying to stop the terrorists in the Phantom Scythe, the revolution must happen. It’s possible that the “new opportunity” is Lauren joining Kieran in helping bring about this revolution.
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In episode 75, titled Tumbling Tower, Sandman reveals that Lauren’s parents were apostles. This knowledge shakes her entire belief system. She thought that the Phantom Schythe was made up of monsters, and yet her parents were founding members. There is also a literal tower in this story—one that Sandman is currently locked in, as he’s writing Lauren a letter. Is it possible that there are more revelations to come? Ones that will bring Lauren’s existing goal, based on false premises, crashing down?
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The destruction of the tower is necessary to clear out old mistruths and make way for something new. But how she handles that course of action depends on her reaction to the betrayal. The ten of swords: someone has stabbed her in the back. But it’s important to note that the sword series in tarot tells the story of a person who attempts to use the swords for faulty reasons, makes mistakes, tries to run from them, and ultimately suffers the pain of being stabbed by them. The story of someone who allows themselves to fall victim to that internal pressure. The swords are a weapon, and can have potential for destruction or good, depending on how they are wielded.
In episode 156, Lauren discovers that March has been lying to them. He’s led her coworkers into an ambush and Lauren herself is being pursued by PS members. Lauren didn’t want to consider that March might be PS; she dismissed Kieran’s questioning of March in episode 146, misinterpreting his statements about his family and the true criminals of Ardhalis.
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In episode 158 she is pursued, chased into a warehouse where all of her anxieties and fears overwhelm her. She has been continually plagued by the guilt she feels about Allendale, and now she adds to that the losses that she fears are yet to come (images of a deceased Kieran, Kym, and Will coming to her mind). She is unable to wield the swords because of her continued avoidance of the truth. Blindfolded, she doesn’t want to face her suspicions about Dylan, and doesn't want to consider March as the betrayer. So she spirals, and all of her anxieties take over. They paralyze her in that warehouse, leading to her being knocked out and kidnapped. The title of Episode 158, Seething Sword, tells us that she has been dealt that final blow.
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But like the death card, the end of one thing means a new beginning for another. She must learn to wield the swords instead of letting her trauma weigh her down. It’s a symbolic death, not a literal one. The old Lauren, the part of her that was driven by guilt and shame, needs to be buried so the new Lauren, freed of those shackles she’s carried for ten years, can instead look to the future.
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And what might we see in the future? We know that Lauren is at a crossroads. The two of swords signifies that two equal and opposing forces are at war, and she is caught in the middle. She has been stuck between the PS and the government of Ardhalis. She wants to take down the PS, but she is increasingly finding that the APD isn’t the paragon of justice she thought it was. Similarly, the PS isn’t entirely evil; though their methods are, their goal is relatable. We believe that Lauren will choose her own path. She won’t side with either, and will instead forge her own way forward, alongside Kieran. Perhaps she will choose to forgo her detective rank and become a fugitive with Kieran—especially if his identity ends up becoming compromised. Perhaps she will support a revolution of the poor and mistreated against the royals who keep them in the dirt.
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“He” is closer to her, more similar than she thinks. We believe this is a reference to the leader. She thinks he is hidden in the shadows, but it’s very likely that the leader is someone close to her, given the clues about her parents, the Snapdragon, and how the leader kept her alive all these years. Like Lauren, the leader has also lost people close to him and seeks revenge—against the royals for the massacre of the Snapdragon, for burying those truths along with their bodies.
Hecate mentions enemies, plural, and it’s true that Lauren has many enemies now. Not only those in the Phantom Scythe, but even within the APD, for what she’s doing as Lune. She needs to question those around her more: Stefan, Dakan, March—these people have all lied to her in the past, and yet she is too clouded by her intense focus on the Phantom Scythe to consider those around her. She must remove the blindfold, and it starts with letting go of the past.
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Lauren’s obsession with Dylan is holding her back. She needs to accept the truth—that Dylan is dead, and there’s nothing else she can do for him. But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. She can make a difference in Kieran’s life. She can save him from his cursed fate to kill and kill until he himself perishes. She can help him take down the leader. But in order to do this, she might have to set her privileged life aside. Only when she stops focusing on the past can she create a new future.
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pinning this one to my profile for the next two weeks.
The Tin Can Bros need your help as they embark on the Tinlightenment World Tour: Spreading the Gospel of TCB which includes 7 holy missions, aka 7 days exciting live events in LA, New York, London, Edinburgh, and Adelaide
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Spy Another Day: in LA, original cast members of the TCB and Talkfine comedy musical, Spies Are Forever, will be reuniting (along with new special guests, many you know and love from Starkid) for a Rocky Horror Picture Show-esque live concert screening! Watch the full movie with audience participation and live musical numbers!
Spy Another Day, in London: that’s right, baby! Spies Are Forever live concert screening is coming to London, too! Featuring brothers Joey, Brian, and Corey, along with Lauren Lopez!
The Solve-It Squad Returns: at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the original cast of TCB’s comedy play, The Solve-It Squad Returns!, will be back together once again to do the first ever live TCB event outside of America!
This Could Be On Broadway: the original comedy musical starring Bryce Charles, Esther Fallick, James Tolbert, and many more is coming back baby! live at 54 Below in New York City, the cast will be performing all the songs for the first time ever in front of a live audience.
Gross Prophets: An all-new original TCB musical about cults, enlightenment, financial and spiritual freedom! starring Joey Richter, Brian Rosenthal, and Lauren Lopez, with performances happening in Australia and LA!
Intelligent Life: the Tin Can Bros have a new queer sci-fi comedy show, Intelligent Life, and will be doing a live reading of the pilot episode in LA, summer 2024. following two ex-boyfriends, one who can’t get away from his ex, even after leaving Earth to explore a new planet!
The Great Debate: who is the best Hollywood Chris? what is the worst 3rd movie in a film trilogy? who is the worst muppet? what’s something that feels like a cult, but isn’t? so many questions to ask, so many opinions to debate! The Great Debate is a live comedy game show where the Tin Can Bros and special guests argue seriously unimportant topics with the kind of passion of a serious life-or-death debate. things get heated, friendships are ended, and one person will always come out on top… with so many amazing guests! TCB have already announced three special guests on The Great Debate; Smosh’s very own Angela Giarratana, Chanse McCrary, and Arasha Lalani!
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but none of these projects can happen without your help! until March 2nd, the Tin Can Bros’ kickstarter is in full swing!! we’re working our way to their goal of $200,000!
all TCB asks of you is to pledge $3, and to share this campaign with your friends! this is how we can make it happen!
have more than $3 to give? amazing!! there are 12 backer tiers of varying prices that can get you some INCREDIBLE rewards like merch, custom t shirts, collectables, and a BelieverBand that will allow you to unlock incredible backer perks in the very near future of TCB
interested? go to tinlightenment.com to check out these reward tiers!
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we’re over 50% funded, friends <3 we can do this.
TINLIGHTENMENT.COM
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laukisimp · 1 year
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Purple Hyacinth analysis: the contrast between episodes 43 and 142
I made a thread on twitter to show how episode 142 was an obvious callback to episode 43 so i decided to post it here as well. Warning: the panels from 43 might be triggering.
First of all we notice Kieran lying a lot in episode 142. The man didn't have a plan at all coming in there and he makes no effort to go around her ability either. It's clear deep down he didn't want to end their partnership, he knows they make a great team but he's doing everything to put distance between them for her sake only. He cares about her so much (read: he's in love with her) and wants to keep her safe.
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This is already a huge difference compared to episode 43. Kieran got his walls up so high when Lauren came to the cave. He is acting cold with a disdainful and arrogant attitude, and uses rhetorical questions to avoid lying to her. There's not a single lie from Kieran in episode 43 except for the one where he slips up when he tells Lauren he has always been a monster.
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Kieran's "i am merely stating facts" from 142 is obviously a lie while in episode 43 he is actually stating facts: he talks about the atrocities he committed as the Purple Hyacinth. He is proving Lauren right: he is a monster.
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Kieran physically hurts Lauren in 43 and it's not a lie when he tells her he wouldn't cry. He is cold and brutal. In episode 142 he could have said something more hurtful in trying to push her away but he can't. He cares about her too much now and would never hurt her again. "I'm not indifferent to what happens to you" = how to tell someone you care about them without actually saying it. Kieran please.
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Another obvious callback to episode 43 is that Lauren now admits she was fully aware of the risks from the beginning.
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They've come such a long way since then. From Lauren calling him a monster in 43 to her reassuring Kieran in ep 142 about who he is as as a person and that she isn't afraid of him while she takes off his "mask" (the glasses)... i'm not okay.
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Lauki's dynamic is so well written and i'm still in awe of how Eph and Soph handled the development of their relationship after what happened in 43. Lauren telling Kieran she trusts him and won't back down is so important and yet another milestone in their relationship.
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To end this post i want to point out the differences in atmosphere and lighting as well. Episode 43 is cold and dark, and episode 142 has a very warm atmosphere.
bonus:
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Conclusion: Lauki's development is wonderfully written. I dare say it's legit one of the best dynamics i've ever come across in a piece of fiction.
Thank you for reading!
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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 15
Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 8/11/2023
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SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.
Series Rating: Explicit (18+)
Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 
Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.
Chapter Warning: detailed description of mental health trauma response.
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Chapter Quote: “Stay with me. Please.”
A/N: Surprise! Dropping this one at midnight because if I wait until tomorrow and read through it again, I may have an emotional break myself. This chapter includes detailed descriptions of an individual’s trauma response episodes. We are about to start getting deeper into the mental health stuff. There is some fluff, but overall it’s an angsty chapter. It might help to have a tissue handy. I won’t lie, there is one part that makes me tear up every time I read through it and that is after I dialed it back some. Consider yourselves warned.
After I finished my work hours on Monday, I packed up everything I thought that I might need for the remainder of the week. I had decided to work from Dieter’s house so that I could continue the upgrades on his kitchen during my down time. I was determined to keep myself busy. There was also something comforting about being at his house while he was away. I felt closer to him somehow. 
He facetimed me each evening. We would chat as he watched me paint and put up the backsplash. He was so intrigued by the whole process and asked so many questions. Several times he said that he would much rather be there helping me or watching me in person. He equated it to watching me cook. He said he found it to be relaxing. 
We had fallen into a new routine during that week. Every night, we would take a brief break so that I could shower and get ready for bed. Every night I changed into his shirt and crawled into his bed, then I would call him back. Every night, he would talk to me until he fell asleep. As the week went on, I could tell he was tired and wearing down. However, he always seemed to perk up once our conversations started. 
On Saturday, I could hardly contain my excitement since he was due to return that evening. I got up early and changed into my overalls and a tank. I put my hair up in a messy bun and threw on my white sneakers. I spent the entire day rushing around. I went to pick up some cooking utensils, a large pot, and a pan because he still didn’t really have anything to cook with aside from the basics. I also had to run to the grocery store for necessary ingredients since I planned to make dinner for him in his newly redone kitchen. I figured he wouldn’t say no to his new favorite meal, manicotti. When I got back to his house, I had to hurry and clean up before I started cooking. Even though I felt like I was in a rush to do everything, every hour seemed like it was two as the day drug on.  
He called me while he was at the airport waiting for his flight. His spirits seemed to be higher than they had been earlier in the week. I told him I would meet him at his place when he got home and let him know I was making dinner. 
It was close to six thirty when I heard the front door open. I was in the midst of mixing the filling for the noodles when he walked toward the kitchen. His eyes were zoned in on me as he dropped his bags on the floor. I gave him a big smile as I continued to mix the ricotta cheese filling with my hands. I was taken aback by the wanting look on his face. I raised an eyebrow at him, which seemed to break him from his trance. He smiled back as he walked over to me. He stood behind me as I continued to work on the food, laying his chin on my shoulder at first. After a moment, he slowly slid his arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest, hugging me tightly. Suddenly I felt him dragging his nose and lips up my neck and behind my ear before he buried his face into my hair and inhaled deeply. 
I couldn’t help tilting my head toward him as he moved. It was an involuntary reaction. I felt the electric shock run directly down to my core as goosebumps formed all over my body. I closed my eyes, briefly pausing my movements, and inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm nerve endings. What the fuck was he doing?
“You’ve been using my shampoo.” 
I exhaled the breath I was holding. I tilted my head away, attempting to put some space between us before I turned around to take things a step further. 
“Yeah, I was too lazy to pack my own apparently,” I replied a little breathlessly.
I quickly removed the cheese mixture from my hands and stepped away from his embrace to wash up, feeling lightheaded as I went. I could feel his eyes on my back as I moved around the kitchen. When I turned to face him, he was biting his bottom lip and staring at me. I noticed his eyes were darkened by his dilated pupils. I raised my brows at him again. I wasn’t really sure how to respond to this. My body was telling me one thing while my mind said another. 
“So, what do you think? Do you like it?” I opted for redirection and motioned toward the surrounding area of the kitchen. 
For the first time, he looked around. 
“Yeah, it looks great. I love it. You did a good job!” He gave me a genuine smile as his eyes crinkled at the corners.
“Thank you. Happy to be of service.” I gave him a small head nod and smiled before changing the subject.
“You want to go take a quick shower and change while I finish up dinner?” He honestly looked like a hot mess from the day of travel, and I needed to get him away from me for a minute so I could reign myself in. He gave me a slow nod as he backed away and grabbed his bags off the floor before he headed off toward his bedroom. He kept his eyes on me most of the way and I’m fairly certain he mumbled something about a cold shower. I was momentarily stunned. I had to convince myself that I misheard him. 
As I was finishing up with the food, Dieter came shuffling into the kitchen. I momentarily paused what I was doing when I caught sight of him. He was wearing his striped pajama pants slung low over his hips and no shirt. His hair was still wet and slicked back, with a small piece hanging down over his forehead. Was he purposefully trying to work me into a frenzy? He walked over next to me and started sampling the food. He seemed to be on his best behavior this time around. Maybe he did take a cold shower… I didn’t dare to think of what else he could have done to calm himself down. 
We made it through dinner without any more incidents and things seemed like they were back to normal as we chatted, and he filled me in on his trip. I was continuously distracted by his bare chest and arms though. I feel like he noticed my not-so-subtle staring based on the amused expression he kept giving me as he spoke, but he said nothing.
I left soon after dinner with the excuse that he needed to catch up on his sleep. He didn’t seem too eager about it, but he also didn’t argue. He thanked me again for his kitchen and for making dinner, noting that I am spoiling him. I laughed at the thought of it.
He walked me to the door and pulled me in for one of his tight hugs. My hands may have lingered on his bare skin longer than necessary before we pulled away from each other. I also may have drug my hands across his body a little more than necessary as I released him. By the time I left, I was so worked up that my thoughts were all over the place. I wasn’t sure how much longer I would be able to behave myself.  
As the week went on, we settled back into our familiar routine. Dieter seemed to be getting back to his normal self, until Friday rolled around. That was the day that everything started to change.
I was sitting at the kitchen table working when he came in a little earlier than normal. He seemed agitated as he walked through the living room, dropping his keys on the floor. I could hear him curse under his breath as he bent down to pick them up. He set them on the table, along with his phone and wallet before he made his way over to where I was sitting. 
I thought he was going to sit at the table with me, but instead he came up behind me, leaned down and put his arms around my shoulders, burying his face into my neck and hair. He sat there for a moment without moving. Breathing in deeply. I paused, unsure of what to do. I suddenly had an unsettling feeling in my gut. I raised my hands to his arms that were crossed over my chest and rubbed them gently. He finally spoke up, with his face still buried in my hair.
“Good morning,” he mumbled. 
“Good morning. Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well, and it’s already been a long day.” 
He sighed as he slowly stood and walked toward the refrigerator for a drink. He looked exhausted. Afterwards, he headed into the living room and settled in on the couch. I heard the tv pop on soon after. About an hour or so later I took a break to run to the bathroom. As I walked through, I noticed Dieter had fallen asleep. He looked like he was cold, so I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over him.
Sometime after I got back to work in the kitchen, I could hear Dieter mumbling in his sleep. It eventually turned to gasping cries. I immediately ran over to check on him and tried to wake him up. He eventually bolted upright to a sitting position as he looked around with panic in his eyes. 
He was breathing heavy, shallow breaths as he grabbed onto me, pulling me down to sit on the edge of the couch beside him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. He responded by wrapping his around me and leaning onto my shoulder while he struggled to calm down. I ran my fingers through his sweaty hair and rubbed his back as I fought with my own emotions. Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. Once his breathing slowed down, I spoke.
“Are you ok?” 
He didn’t answer, instead he pulled away. He looked at me blankly with his red rimmed glossy eyes as if I wasn’t there. I reached up to cup his face. 
“Dieter, talk to me. Are you ok?” 
He finally snapped out of it as his eyes focused on me. He took a deep breath and turned away from my touch. He raked both of his shaky hands down his face while he tried to process what was happening.
“Can you talk to me, please?” 
“No, I’m fine,” he said quietly with a trembling voice. 
He sat there for a beat longer before he scooted down the couch and stood. He was avoiding my eyes as I took in his current state. He ran his hand through his hair momentarily before saying he was going to go work out and then take a shower. He sighed heavily as he turned to go downstairs. 
I sat still, in shock. I was having a hard time understanding what had just transpired. The tears slowly started to run down my face as I attempted to regulate my breathing. This had completely thrown me for a loop. Did this happen often? Is that why he had trouble sleeping? I just assumed he was having trouble staying asleep, I didn’t realize he was having nightmares. This gave me a whole new outlook on his behavior and habits. My chest tightened as I realized whatever he had going on was far worse than I could have imagined. I wasn’t really sure how to navigate the situation. I decided I wasn’t going to push him. I felt like he would talk when he was ready. I would just continue to be supportive as I had been. 
He had been downstairs for about two hours when Lauren showed up for our Friday dinner. She could immediately tell something was off with me when she came into the kitchen. I tried to keep an eye out for him as I filled her in on what had happened. She sat in silence with her hand covering her mouth as I told her. She shook her head from side to side in disbelief. She too looked like she wanted to shed a few tears but managed to keep it together. 
“When he comes back up, just act normal, ok? I don’t really know how else to handle this,” I said with an exasperated sigh. 
“Totally understand. I’m not really sure what to say either. If you want, we can just skip dinner. He won’t even know I was here.” “No, I think it may help to not deviate from what we normally do. It might help take his mind off things.” She nodded her head in agreement.   
We faintly heard the downstairs door open, so she moved to start pulling out dishes and such for us to eat, doing well to pretend she knew nothing. Dieter came into the kitchen, briefly stopping to give Lauren a side hug and telling her hello. He came up beside me at the stove as I was cooking and put one arm around my shoulders. 
“Is there anything I can help with,” he asked quietly. He started to worry at his lip, he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes. They were wide and sad as he raised his questioning eyebrows at me. I looked at him briefly, with my brows drawn together, attempting to read his emotions. He looked… apologetic? My focus was broken by Lauren announcing she had to pee as she disappeared down the hallway. She was not so subtly giving us a minute alone. 
My eyes went back to his and he gave me a shy smile. 
“I’m sorry about earlier. I was kind of an ass. I just…I had a therapy session this morning and I guess it’s made me a bit of a mess today.” I was a little shocked at his apology. 
“Dieter, you have no reason to apologize. I was never mad, just concerned. It took me by surprise.”
“Well, I’m sorry for upsetting you, just the same.”
I moved the pot I was currently cooking in, off the stove eye, then reached up and grabbed his face in my hands as I gave him an intense look. 
“Hey, don’t you ever apologize for that. There’s no need. It’s not something you can control. I get it, sometimes I have an episode and I want to be alone to process it. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not going to pressure you into talking to me about it if you don’t want to. I do want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what though.”  
His face tightened while he fought to hold back his emotions. His eyes turned glassy again as he searched my face. He glanced down as he spoke, and I dropped my hands from his face. He started roughly rubbing along the countertop with his fingertips.   
“I do want to tell you… everything. I’m just… not sure I’m there yet. I don’t know if I can say it.”
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” I gave him a reassuring smile as I grabbed his hand that was rubbing the counter. 
“I seriously don’t deserve you,” he said while he continued to fight back tears. I could feel my eyes stinging now. I pulled him in for a hug. As we sat there in an embrace, Lauren peeked around the corner, she sort of grimaced then quietly backtracked down the hallway a bit so that she was out of sight. 
I cleared my throat and released him. We both took a moment to pull ourselves together. I heard the bathroom door shut loudly. I had to stifle a chuckle as Lauren clomped down the hallway. I had to appreciate her commitment.  
Dieter seemed mostly normal through dinner. I could tell things were still on his mind, but he was making an effort to be present. Lauren was putting in the extra work to keep things lighthearted with jokes and funny anecdotes about her customers from the past week. However, once dinner was finished, she said she had to teach an early class in the morning, so she was going to head out. I knew she was just trying to give us some space, which I appreciated. I felt like he needed to decompress some more anyway.
We cleaned up from dinner in silence. I didn’t push him to talk, I just let him be. I could tell his mind was somewhere else. Once we were finished, I told him to pick a movie to watch. I wasn’t surprised to find one of his favorite zombie movies queued up when I came back from changing into some pajama pants and t-shirt.
Dieter was settled into the corner of the sectional leaning against the pile of pillows. I sat down on the adjoining side and laid across the pillows behind him. I started rubbing my fingers through his hair and lightly scratching his head as we watched the movie. I could see the tension leave his body and he eventually drifted off to sleep. He barely made it an hour into the movie. 
Once the movie was over, I decided to leave him be, since he seemed to be sleeping so well. I covered him with the blanket and headed to my bedroom to go to sleep.
At some point in the middle of the night, I awoke to the sound of Dieter screaming in his sleep. This time was worse than earlier. I jumped out of bed to run to him in the darkness. There was just enough light streaming in from the outside that I could see him sitting on his knees in the floor. He was rocking with his hands over his head as he sobbed. I turned the light on and quickly got down in front of him. I removed his hands from his head as I yelled his name, trying to force him to look at me. He continued to rock and push me away while he whimpered. I wasn’t even sure if he was awake. 
He eventually stilled, raising his head to look at me. His eyes were blank, staring off at nothing. He was looking directly at me, but he wasn’t seeing me. I started to cry as I tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t responding. I didn’t know what to do. I crawled over, straddling his lap, then wrapped my arms around him. I pulled his head into the crook of my neck as I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him and bring him back to me any way I could. 
After a few minutes, I felt his slack arms start to move at my sides. I released him and leaned back to look at his face. He looked terrified and confused as his eyes darted around the room. Once they settled on my face, he started breathing shallow breaths before he broke into sobs. I pulled him back into an embrace as he sobbed into my neck. He wrapped his arms around me, but it wasn’t in a hug. It was more like he was trying to hold on. I silently cried with him. I couldn’t help it.     
We sat that way for what seemed like an eternity. He completely unraveled on me as I whispered words of comfort and rubbed his back and hair. Once he finally pulled himself together, he apologized and started mumbling about going home so he didn’t keep me up all night. I leaned back to look at him again, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. 
“Stay with me. Please.” It came out as more of a statement than a question.  
For whatever reason, that brought his attention to me. His big brown eyes were filled with sadness and tears as he stared at my face. He exhaled slowly as he shook his head in agreement. 
I slowly stood, never letting go of his hand. I pulled him along behind me toward my bedroom. He stood next to the bed, unsure of what to do. He seemed like a lost child at that moment. My heart was breaking to see him like this. I silently walked over and took his shirt off, then unbuttoned his pants. I told him to take those off as I went over to dig through the laundry basket to find some shorts that he had left there. He pulled those on, then crawled into bed.  
I took a moment to go into the bathroom so that I could pull myself together. My face was stinging from the tears. I quickly splashed some water on it to help sober my emotions. When I walked out of the bathroom, Dieter had his face buried in my pillow. It appeared that he was already dozing off. I crawled into bed behind him. I snuggled in as closely as I could and wrapped my arm around him. He reached for my hand and entwined our fingers as he pulled them to rest near his chest. I nuzzled my face into his back. It didn’t take long for his breathing to change to deep steady breaths. Once I was sure he was asleep, I allowed myself to drift off too. 
When I woke up the next morning, Dieter wasn’t in the bed. I took a moment to take a few deep breaths and try to process the events of the previous night. I didn’t know how to. I got up and walked toward the kitchen, where I found him cooking. This was different. 
“You’re cooking,” I said a little stunned. 
“Yeah, I told you I could handle the breakfast basics.” 
He gave me that adorable lop-sided grin. His energy seemed better today. I walked over to see what he was cooking. As I stood next to him, he wrapped his left arm around me and pulled me into his side against his bare skin. I hugged him back around his waist with both arms and laid my head on him as he flipped the bacon with his other hand. He reached up and scratched at the back of my head. We stood like that until the bacon was ready, not saying any words. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about what happened, but he was silently thanking me for being there for him the only way he knew how to. 
After eating, we ended up hanging out at my house for the rest of the day. During the afternoon, rather than working out to burn off his energy, Dieter opted for laps around the pool. Since he was doing that, I decided on sunbathing. I also planned to read a book I had been working on. I chose to wear the light blue bikini with the macrame overlay that Lauren insisted looked amazing on me. I figured I might as well look good while I did it. 
I got situated while Dieter was doing his laps. He hadn’t noticed that I had come out. I sat in a lounge chair with the book in my hands, but I hadn’t read a single word. He had been doing laps for at least twenty minutes without stopping. He wasn’t kidding about the abnormal amount of stamina I thought to myself. I had to immediately chastise myself for thinking such things. My thoughts were starting to get a little ridiculous as I watched his arm muscles tighten with his movements.
When he was finished, I watched him pull himself up on the side of the pool and get out. His back was still to me so I could see his glistening muscles flex as he moved. I really did try to avert my eyes, but I couldn’t help it. He grabbed a towel and started drying his face. He turned as he did so, finally noticing me on the other side. He paused briefly and started biting his lip. He raised an eyebrow in my direction. I could tell he inhaled deeply as he eyed me.
He slowly walked over, continuing to dry himself off as he went and sat down on the chair beside me. He narrowed his eyes in my direction before he spoke up. 
“Whatcha doing?”         
“Reading.”
“Oh yeah, what page are you on?” His question surprised me. I looked down at the page number. 
“136, why?”
“You haven’t gotten very far.”
“How do you know?” I gave him some serious side eye. 
“Because I picked it up this morning to read the description. That’s the page that was marked.”
I could feel my face heating up. Busted. 
“I haven’t been sitting here long.” 
He gave me his sassy “I don’t believe you look.” 
I shrugged, “I feel like you're insinuating something. Whatever it is, it’s not accurate.” 
He smiled at me, “Yeah, ok.” 
He laid back in the lounge chair. He started tapping on the sides of the chair as I was attempting to read. It was completely distracting me. 
“You have sunscreen on, right?” 
I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. It was my turn to narrow my eyes. He held his hands up.
“Hey, just making sure all of that… skin… is safe.” 
He looked a little flustered. I was half tempted to ask him to put some on my back, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. I finally gave up on reading. We ended up chatting for a bit until it got too hot. As we were getting up to go inside, he took the opportunity to scoop me up over his shoulder and throw me into the pool. It didn’t go unnoticed by me that he had his hand resting on my ass as he carried me. I didn’t mind it of course. I still threw a few choice words at him as I climbed out of the pool though.
He watched me as laughed hysterically, “Sorry, I just wanted to see you get wet,” he said between laughs. I gave him a disbelieving look. 
Once he realized what he had said, he had a surprised look on his face as he snapped his mouth shut. 
“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he said quickly. 
“Yeah, you better get out of my sight you weirdo.” 
He threw his towel at me as he headed toward the house, looking slightly embarrassed, but also glancing in my direction as I dried off. It was becoming more apparent to me that we were both shamelessly flirting with each other. I just hoped it didn’t lead to the downfall of our friendship in the process. 
By the time we both showered (separately), it was nearing dinner time. We opted for doordash from a local Mexican restaurant that he enjoyed. While we waited, we started an episode of a new series we had been eyeballing. When the food arrived, we ate quickly, then went back to our marathon. We sat the same way we had the previous night. At one point I had reached down to scratch his head again, but he grabbed my hand and held it against his shoulder instead. He sat lightly rubbing circles with his thumb for some time. I briefly wondered if he was afraid he would fall asleep again. 
As it got later, I started to doze off. He gently woke me up to let me know he was going to go home. I suddenly felt anxious about him being alone for the night. He seemed like he was feeling better though, so I let it slide. He gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek as he headed out the door for the night. I went to bed soon after. 
I was jolted awake from a deep sleep by the loud ringing of my cell. I glanced up at the clock. It was 3:24 AM. I quickly reached over to grab my phone, worried something was wrong. It was Dieter. 
“Dieter? Are you ok?” 
“Do you mind if I come back over?” As he asked, his voice seemed unsteady. He didn’t even bother to explain why. He didn’t have to. I already knew. 
“Of course not. Do whatever you need to.” 
He immediately hung up. I wasn’t sure how much longer it was before I felt him slide into bed with me. When he did, he didn’t hesitate to pull my back against his chest, tightly hugging me to him. He nuzzled his face into the back of my neck. I reached up behind me to rub at his face. It was wet. He had been crying again. He reached for my hand, removing it from his face and kissing it gently before he entwined our fingers and moved them down to rest at my chest. It didn’t take long before he was asleep.
Next Chapter
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Tag List: @rhoorl, @bitchwitch1981, @readingiskeepingmegoing, @runningmom94, @for-a-longlongtime, @hisandsnakes
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greencways · 5 months
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Fic Name: Bury a Friend
Pairing: I guess this is a bestfriend!JJ x Reader fic (not romantic)
Words: 2427
Warnings: this is centred around the Lauren Reynolds episodes but if Emily actually died, no descriptions of how she died!
Content: Emily actually dies, JJ comforts you!
A/N: this was a requested fic !
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"She never made it off the table" Those words that Jennifer Jareau spoke a week ago still spinning around your head.
The first thing you did after JJ telling you that your bestfriend; your lover; your favourite person in the world had died was dash out the door, not even explaining to anyone why you made a beeline for the BAU office doors.
"Y/N wait up" JJ called out.
"No-Nope" you didn't even attempt to look back at her.
"I'll give you a lift home please I can't let you go alone in a car like this please" JJ begged.
Knowing that Emily definitely would've agreed and would probably lightly scold you for not doing it- you took JJ up on her offer.
"Okay fine" you sighed.
"Thank you" JJ sighed.
You followed her to her black honda civic, you both not saying anything to her for the entire drive, she was about to turn into your street and then you quickly made a decision "Do you think you could take me to Emily's house?" your voice was calm, you wouldn't be angry at her for saying no, in fact you were kind of expecting it "I have a key" you weren't sure whether it came out like a question or a brag.
"Okay" JJ agreed, you turned up to see JJ hesitantly nod "On one condition, I come in with you" Unsure of why JJ wanted to come with you, but seeing as she agreed you took your chances.
"That's fine" you agreed.
You walked to up the front door of Emily's apart as soon as you stepped out the car, you turned around to hear JJ "Hey Hotch..." the sound travelled away as you both started walking away from each other, you to enter Emily's apartment building and JJ for a more private conversation, you took a deep breath as you had no idea how the conversation with them could go.
"That was Hotch, expect a text from him in 5 minutes okay love" JJ rubbed your arm up and down in consolation.
"Okay" you managed to give her the tiniest crack of a smile.
"There she is" JJ playfully shoving you making you smile a little.
"Hey buddy" you picked up Sergio "It's just gonna be me and you for a bit okay" you cooed as he curled into you, almost as if knowing what just happened.
JJ walked in behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder, you set Sergio down and turned around before collapsing into JJ's arms "I can't do this without her, what am I gonna do" you cried.
“I can't say anything that would make this situation any less difficult and scary trust me on that one" you nodded she knew out of all the members on the team what it was like to lose someone that close to you, she shared your pain in that sense.
"I know" you gently smiled.
"Okay listen I have to go back to work but I spoke with Hotch and he's giving you the week off" JJ started as she started gathering her things.
"I could've-" you started.
"I know you could've had the conversation with him yourself but I just thought-" JJ smiled slightly embarrassed.
"Thank you Jay" you smiled.
"But please if you need anything at all, no matter what time just call or text me okay" JJ pushed her lips together and pulled you in for a hug, her eyes started to water.
Jennifer Jareau lost a friend too.
"Same for you, if you ever need someone to talk to just let me know" you pushed through a smile through your obvious tears.
"Okay" JJ smiled.
Back to present day you were still in mourning, it had been day 5 of the week Hotch had so graciously given you off. You woke up to a cold and empty bed for the 5th day that week- your new normal "I wish Emily was here too buddy I really do" you said as a black fur ball had sneaked up on you getting ready for morning cuddles, Sergio just cuddled more into you.
JJ, 7:24: Good morning sugar, how're you holding up?
Y/N, 7:26: I'm good Jay, Having morning cuddles with my baby
Y/N, 7:26:
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JJ, 7:27: So cute!! You should get that framed.
Y/N, 7/27: Haha I definitely will Jay.
You slung your phone to the other side of the bed, you picked up Sergio and kissed his head between his ears, something you noticed that Emily did too, so you kept doing it for familiarity and to feel a little closer to Emily.
"Let's get ready for the day Serg" you laughed "How does that sound?" you cooed.
Sergio followed you to wardrobe, you picked up a top and you noticed Sergio tapping a box with his tail, you leaned down and spoke to him "Huh, that's so weird, I've never seen that box before" you shrugged to Sergio.
You picked up the bed and inspected it more, you pretty much knew that it was a box that Henry made for Emily two or three years ago when he was going through his "really-bad glitter-everywhere" phase according to JJ, which made you laugh, you bit your lip thinking about how cute the fact that she kept the box was.
You placed the box on your bed, unsure wether to open it or not, you got ready for the day and as you brushed your teeth in your en suite you peered over, Sergio sleeping peacefully next to the box which made you smile, you took out your phone and sent JJ the picture to JJ.
Y/N, 10:34am: You got any idea what's in this box?
JJ, 10:47am: No idea sorry honey ! Henry says hi btw! 😘
Y/N, 10:50am: No worries thanks anyway Jay!! Hi Henry, are you being good for mom and dad?
JJ, 10:52: He says yes but we say otherwise! I gotta go! Love you sweetcheeks!
Y/N, 10:52: Love you too JJ!!
"Ugh should I even open it" you sighed as you set your toothbrush down and finished up in the bathroom
Sergio let out a contented sigh which made you giggle "okay okay fine I will"
You slowly lifted the pink and purple covered glitter on the blue dinosaur box to reveal a bunch of miscellaneous things; mostly receipts, poems and pictures of your time with Emily, upon further inspection, those receipts were from your first with Emily, your first date, your favourite grocery shop etc.
"She kept all this?" you laughed with tears of sadness in your eyes, completely unsure of what emotions to feel right now, you put the lid of the box behind you
You started taking out things bit by bit, there was a bunch of receipts and a few poems and some pictures of you with Emily, you on your first date, morning selfies, movie nights, you gently placed a finger outlining Emily you felt so close to her yet so far, you brushed your tears away quickly as you heard a knock which made you jump a little bit, You quickly placed everything in the same but gently not harming anything in the process, you had turned the other way, not yet realizing the note attached to the underneath of the lid.
"Just a second" you called out "Oh hey Hotch what are you doing here?"
"You were supposed to come back to work today, I just- Did I come at a bad time?" you scrunched your face in confusion, you checked your face in the mirror next to you, you saw your face covered in red bloches from crying so much "Oh no you didn't" you sighed in defeat as Hotch could see through your lies "I was looking at pictures of Emily" you sighed and rolled your eyes as you felt yourself crying.
"Do you need a hug?" Hotch smiled.
"More than anything please" you sobbed and smiled as you- like your actions with JJ days earlier- collapsed into him.
"I can't let you stay like this alone, I'm giving you another day off, Call up Jareau and if she wants to she can spend the day with you" Hotch agreed.
"I don't need a babysitter Hotch, I've been fine for 5 days" you smiled.
"Don't think of it like babysitting- cause it's not- think of it like two friends hanging out" he nodded in his-dad-authoritative-tone.
"Okay I will, I'll call her up in a second" you smiled "Thank you"
"Jay?" you said into the phone minutes after Hotch left "Can you come over?"
"Sure Sweetie let me just tell Hotch that I'm coming over"  You both smiled on the end of the phone.
"Thank you"
15 minutes later she came over with a choice of 3 DVDS, your favourite chocolate, her favourite chocolate, both of your favourite crisps and cookies, mint ice cream, strawberry ice cream, a family bag of cheetos and some other snacks and a huge blanket and matching pyjamas.
"Jennifer you didn't need to do all this" you smiled and hugged her after she set everything down.
"It's okay" she kissed your temple, shuddering because Emily used to do that when you were stressed too.
"Sorry I-I'm so sorry I didn't-"
"Jennifer you're gonna spin yourself if you keep apologizing" you chuckled lightly biting your lip "I'm gonna get changed in my bedroom, there's a bathroom right there" you pointed to a room next to the guest room "feel free to change in there or wherever comfortable, if you come out before me feel free to feel at home" you smiled biting your lip again because that word hurt a lot
home
You come out of your en suite bathroom and saw a note that accidentally didn't make it back into the pile, you picked it up and recognized Emily's handwriting straight away, you slightly gasped as you held your hand over your mouth, your other hand still holding the paper.
“Dear the love of my life, Y/N
I knew sooner or later you would find this letter, the date now is March 10th 2011, something will happen to me tomorrow, but I want you to know that these 6 years together have meant EVERYTHING to me, YOU are everything to me Y/N.
That being said however, I am not gonna be here anymore, you would've found out through JJ by now, I do want you to move on from me. You deserve an incredible and happy life and you can't do that if you're still thinking and mourning over me.
From the bottom of my heart, please move on from me, it will kill the both of us if you keep going the way you are, you're gonna spin yourself with the what ifs Y/N, you deserve better than that, I can promise you that.
With me promising that to you, you need to promise me something, please don't ever forget me, you can move on from me, date more people but don't forget about me please.
Forever yours,
Emily Prentiss.”
"I don't think I could ever forget about you Emily Prentiss" you said out loud "You drive me crazy and you're not even here" you laughed.
"Hey" you came back to the living room as you took a while in the bathroom washing your face and trying to make yourself look like you didn't have a breakdown mere minutes ago.
"Hey sweetpea" JJ looked up at you from the couch "You okay?" her eyes followed yours to where you landed on the couch next to her having to go all around her to get to where you were sitting.
You hadn't found the words quiet yet so you just nodded, you snuck under the blanket as you realized JJ had already put your favourite film on "50 first dates" she already knew how thankful you were so you didn't say anything just sighing contently.
You slumped your head on your shoulder and you started tracing random patterns on her hands.
"It's okay to cry and mourn, you know that right" That was it, that was the sentence that made you break down in front of Jennifer Jareau, as embarrassing as you found it, she didn't mind at all, in fact she weirdly encouraged it, she let you cry it out, hugging you tightly as she occasionally stroked your hair, at that point at around 2pm, you tiered yourself out so much that you fell asleep in JJ's lap, she whispered kind words into your ears and stroked your hair while you were sleeping and she was watching the film.
You got up 2 hours later, you fell asleep so easily because you hadn't been sleeping at all so it was nice to fall asleep in a person's arms again, granted you wish it was Emily's but JJ's were comfortable too.
"Good morning sleepy" JJ whispered,
"I'm so sorry Jay" you whispered back, very embarrassed at what just happened.
"No it's okay, you're comfortable don't worry" JJ laughed.
"Oh" you said slightly less embarrassed "Okay well you're a comfy pillow" you laughed.
"I have Twilight too if you want to cuddle and watch that" JJ suggested biting her lip, embarrassed that she would even suggest that.
"Sure I would love that" You said shocking both of you "Where are you going?" you said as JJ left the couch.
“To put the film on" she laughed.
"Oh right" you laughed too.
You didn't last 10 minutes, as you were falling asleep on JJ's lap again.
"Can I ask you something?" JJ smiled.
"Sure, anything" you returned the smile.
"Did you find Emily's letter?" she looked at you cautiously.
This question caught you by surprise "Um-yeah I did"  you lowered your head sadly.
"Hey no it's okay" she gently cupped your chin to guide it back to look at her.
"I'm glad I found out from you and not from Emily herself" you wearily chuckled.
"Me too" JJ sighed.
"You can sleep it's okay" JJ noticed your eyes grow tired.
"Okay" you smiled and instantly fell asleep.
"I miss her so much" you turned away from JJ, you not wanting to see both her reaction and how she would react to your warm tears running down your face.
"Me too" She whispered "Me too"
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blaithnne · 8 months
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I guess I never posted this here so… here’s Lauren in the style of The Troll comic!! The first in what I hope will be a continued series of style explorations >:O
Check under the cut for me rambling about how she fits in narratively and design wise!
Narrative
The narrative in the show is very different from the comics, not just in terms of the plot but in how the story is told - it’s a different medium so it does stuff differently! In short, the comics are a lot more rapid fire and comedic, The Troll in particular is so quick that it’s TV adaption was literally just the cold open of the first episode. Even Johanna only appears very briefly in this comic, so fitting in another character was already going to be a challenge lmao. But what made it even harder is the fact that Lauren was, obviously, designed to be a character that fits within the series, so there’s a lot about her character that just can’t translate into the comics. For example - one of her main uses in the show is to make the audience ask questions - “Hilda has a big sister? How old is she? She’s an adult, why is she still living with her family? Do she and Hilda share a dad? If she’s an adult then, did she know her dad? Why doesn’t she talk about him? Why does she take on so much?” Etc. This helps get the audience invested! And from everything we can tell these are questions the show wants to answer, but the comics…don’t. The comics don’t want you to question why Hilda lives in the middle of nowhere, they just want you to have a fun adventure with a little blue haired girl! Lauren being there in all her regular show glory makes that more complicated.
SO I had to work backwards, and try and think about what purpose a character like Lauren could serve in the comics, and why she would have been made in the first place, and this is what I ended up with -
Lauren is younger in the comics than she is in the show - she’s somewhere between 15-17, and the basis for her character is “a teenager from the viewpoint of a young child”. You know how you view teens when you’re a kid - they’re scary! They’re like adults except with no responsibilities, they’re aloof and want nothing to do with you but they seem so cool! Like they can do whatever they want! And you have no clue what that even is. I think this age makes more sense for the comics, as it means the audience doesn’t have to question why she’s still living at home or anything like that lmao - she’s just a kid!
Lauren seems very aloof and irresponsible, she’s always wandering off and doing random bits and bobs around the house. Even from Johannas perspective, she sees her as a bit of a liability. She’s kind of a gag character at this point - since there’s really no other way to fit her in at this point. I like the idea of her appearing when Hilda opens the front door, and she’s this terrifying silhouette holding an axe and staring down at Hilda, who screams in terror. Only for the next panel to reveal it’s just Lauren
I’ll get into this in more detail a the comics go on but, the idea with Lauren is that as the comics continue she’ll become more and more similar to the character we see in the show. Not really because she’s changed all that much - but because the other characters (and by extension the reader) start to see her differently. Once she gets more of a spotlight outside from being a one off gag character, she stops being the misunderstood teen and starts being…understood!
So, whilst Lauren seems irresponsible and reckless, she doesn’t mean to be. I think one of the reasons she comes off like this is bc she’s got heavy autism coding in the comics - she takes things very literally. Like, if Johanna tells her to watch Hilda - she will! She’ll watch her walk right off a cliff. Because Johanna never told her to keep her safe, just to watch her!
She still does chores and stuff around the house but, there’s not really any opportunity to showcase that in this comic lol
Design
The biggest challenge design wise was her body type. In terms of human characters, The Troll features just Hilda and Johanna - who appears for as a half body for three panels. Both of them are very skinny and noodle, which was an issue because Lauren…isn’t lmao. She’s buff! That’s her thing! Soooo here’s the solution I came up with -
I decided to make her as noodly as the other characters, but to lean really into the buff aspect of her character despite that. I drew her holding big ol axes and rocks to show that - she’s comically strong! I think that adds to both the gag and kind of mysterious part of her character - this Lauren isn’t intriguing in a “makes you question hildas family history and important elements of the show” way, she’s intriguing in a “what the fuck” way
Another thing I played with was her hair - the art style and character designs change a lot throughout the comic, it takes a little bit before certain characters core features are figured out. So I thought it would be fun to show that through her hair, which is just slightly off from her show design!
Uhhh what else - oh I gave her freckles like Hilda! I think that shows that she’s younger than Johanna quite well :)
I also just tried to use simplistic shapes, and give her an easily recognisable look. Just….tried to make her the kind of character I could imagine appearing alongside some other simplistic Hilda doodles from the concept art pages
OH ALSO ALSO I tried to lean into a 2010s influence with her design, mainly in her hair, by having one eye be fully covered
I thiiiink that’s all I have to say lmao! This was so much fun to make, I love imagining how my girl fits into stuff and this art style was a joy to draw in - it’s so fun! Really grew on me as I drew in it more, I def wanna return to it someday :)
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lingthusiasm · 5 months
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Bonus 81: Linguistic Advice - Challenging grammar snobs, finding linguistics community, accents in singing, and more
Are there linguistics things in your life that you would like advice about? In honour of our 7th anniversary making Lingthusiasm, this is an episode answering your advice questions, from the serious to the silly.  We're not professional advice columnists but we are professional linguists, and many people have asked us variants of similar questions over the years.
In this bonus episode, Lauren and Gretchen get enthusiastic about your linguistics questions! We give advice about how to change people's perspectives on "correct" language, intergenerational slang, amateur research and finding linguistics community and jobs outside academia, learning signed languages from Deaf instructors, singing in different accents, our desire for more research on how podcasts spread linguistic structures, and a lightning round of many more questions!
Listen to this episode of linguistic advice, and get access to many more bonus episodes by supporting Lingthusiasm on Patreon.
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chushanye · 4 months
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all my notes on episodes 44 and 45:
the Beth and Ron intro and "Ron...what are we?" made laugh while in a dead quiet bus on a border crossing while people were getting their passports checked and maybe THAT'S why the officer was rude to me
directly from my notes: "google lauren booger??? over the panrs hj in beetlejuice the musical, transphobic? okay i googled her ANTHONY WHAT THE FUCK"
ron sounds like Jennifer Coolidge in this episode
"Taylor walks in and looks at him a s i a n l y" *anthony losing it* "roll intimidation" -> i think i got a fever from how hard I laughed
*guitar strumming* "hold on Freddy's cooking" 🎵would you say a slurrrr. if you saw me in heaven🎵
listen you can't APOLOGISE away killing someone but Scarys grown as a person and Beths speech was very well composed
Taylor I love you forever (already rolling up sleeves, "you wanna go", stuttering over his words, the moment someone questions his dad's power) Freddy is a genius for this character
I relate to Normal painfully this episode. him welling up with tears and him feeling left out while people yry to comfort him in vain is like integral to my middle school experience
"schooled in jail" is so Scary of Link. shes really emo-fied them I appreciate that. I appreciate her influence.
i cannot get over the "chaos orbs" joke because everytime i just think they're talking about the fucking chaos emeralds from the sonic franchise
*crying* IM A BAD PERSON! RON! DADDY! -> I love Terry Jr charactarisation. I love how guilt has been eating him up. I love how he still loves Ron so much. I love that he still goes to his dad. I love them sm.
Ron is just Gandalf in the way hes an old man with wisdom everyone respects despite him making no sense sometimes.
I love Ron's charactarisation. How he tries to help Nick and "you lied to me kiddo" and how he's honest with Nick and fuck I miss Ron. Beth is doing a fantastic job.
Nick is so fucking cool.
Nick and Terry Jr were best friends? Was this established before?
ooh i love the just TASTY instrumentals as anthony describes the daddy magic
I LOVE NICK. hes so fucked uo and traumatised and he isn't exactly trying his best but that is due to the things he went through and he's going through so much but he loves Taylor even more and UGGGH the fuckign Close family man.
Taylor and Glenn interacting is always just Freddy going:
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"if you found time travel maguc maybe you could pick me up and we could do childhood all over again" -> I don't want to hear ANYBODY say that Freddy's characters are one-note. He knows exactly who they are and exactly how to play them and they're endlessly fascinating to me.
Taylor and Normal volunteering to be kings of hell and getting themselves in a cage is so good. like from a character perspective. "fear. fear in talkors eyes. why did i open my mouth?" is SO fucking good. it does so much for portraying Taylors thought process or lack thereof. it does so much to paint how he reacts emotionally to things. Normal's desperate need for validation leading to him putting them in a dumbass situation? Taylor bejng blinded by what's funny/exciting only to realise too late he should think before he speaks? Perfect. this is so fucking true to teengehood I feel liek I've been both of them at some point
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mimi-dracula · 28 days
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I was looking through my notes and was surprised to see I didn’t delete my reviews of the first three episodes of Being Human US. So, I figured I should just post it anyway. Yay, more groaning about things! Ha! Side note: I did stop watching it at some point because I just wasn’t invested, but if there are any valid reasons to keep watching, please let me know.
Episode 2 thoughts:
Again, Sally’s actress isn’t doing enough. You’re at your own wake, your loved ones are there mourning you and you’re still processing that you’re dead. You should be having a meltdown, yelling, screaming. You can’t touch the man you love and he leaves, just like that. You should be falling to the floor in devastation.
Another struggle for Josh’s actor when it comes to portraying being scared. It shows you his attack, how he got scratched… and instead of portraying a look of horror and shock as he’s lying next to a dead body, he has this dumb, doe-eyed look with his arms positioned like a T-Rex’s…
Okay, the “Danny’s coming over” scene was done pretty damn well, considering my disappointment towards recreated scenes so far. The more they spend time together as a trio, the more likeable they become, the better the dialogue and acting. I like Aidan’s delivery of “oh wait, sometimes they do see them”. Side note: at first I was worried they would try to replicate Annie’s ray-of-sunshine personality with Sally — and I’m glad they haven’t because she wouldn’t be convincing, and I feel like Sally might be better at acting out the sinister side of things, and being a badass.
I can understand Aidan and Josh asking Danny what happened, how Sally died, in front of her, in order for her to gain answers and closure. I get that, and it’s good of them to have done that. Also, Aidan does ask “what was she like?” after seeing her kinda upset on the stairs. BUT to no surprise, I’m sure, I much preferred Being Human UK where Mitchell is left alone with Owen and despite having a full list of prying, gossip-y questions to ask him on behalf of Annie, Mitchell kinda gets caught up in the reminiscing of when Annie was alive and asks what she was like, and what happened. He’s leaning forward, starry-eyed, listening intently. By that point, he’s not sure if Annie is listening, he’s simply asking because he wants to get to know Annie through the eyes of someone who knew her intimately. And it really sits in that moment where Mitchell smiles and says that the house is good, and “we like it”. He’s being genuine. Already, he adores Annie and can understand why someone would miss her. Maybe that’s just me, though. It felt like Aidan was doing it out of a weak sense of obligation or something.
Okay… again, this is gonna be no surprise. I like Lauren more than Rebecca, at least in terms of her instability. The night she speaks to Mitchell for the first time, she’s up in his face, high on the power she has, and she’s smiling and practically shaking, almost getting turned on, as she lists off how she wants to kill her parents, her exes, how she wants to kill children. Mitchell looks at her and treats her like she’s lost her mind (but part of the appeal to her is that he finds it easier to slip into that madness than to work so hard everyday to stay normal and sane). Rebecca, seemingly overnight, is just this cool, femme fatale who is colourfully telling Aidan how she’ll kill her father and her sister’s babies. Like, okay? I don’t know what is off about her… there’s just something missing. If I was really gonna drive home this femme fatale thing, I would’ve had her be overtly not like herself in terms of the way she dressed when she is at the park and Aidan is like “this isn’t you” and she bluntly says something like “they branded me as the slutty vampire, gave me these clothes. guess that’s what happens when you sleep with a guy and then he kills you.” Have her be numb and dry humoured. She can still have her sexy moments with Aidan as time goes on, but god… it just doesn’t make sense for her to be all suave and evil after turning so soon.
My biggest and most extreme gripe (when it comes to comparing to the UK version) is the final few scenes. Rebecca failing to live up Lauren’s madness. Aidan and Josh failing to have the same urgency and upset as Mitchell and George when they see and hold an innocent girl they worked with and found cute bleeding out in an alley. And finally, the house scene. Sally still doesn’t feel included yet. She’s just there. Not to mention, the significance behind them bringing tea isn’t the same as the UK version. Sure, it’s a quirky British thing and cliche. But it’s rooted in the fact that Annie makes tea to comfort herself, it’s part of a routine, it’s her thing. Throughout, you’ll see cups of tea around the house, even if no one is drinking it. She brings Mitchell a cup of tea to comfort him because tea comforts her. She sits with him in silence because… again, she’s not sure what to do. George can’t offer much comfort, given that he liked the dead girl and there’s still some blame there. I also liked how numb Mitchell was, sitting there in the dark, staring into the abyss. He only moves when Annie sits with him. There’s a shift in the house’s mood because their everyday routine, their bubble has been popped and they’ve realised that they’ve been quite ignorant to the possible dangers. The casualness of Josh, Sally and Aidan sitting outside together doesn’t hold the same weight. It just feels like they’re hanging out, having some deep thoughts that they’ll forget about once they go to sleep.
Episode 3 review:
Okay, so… already, I have a problem. Lmao. In the UK version, the jarringly chipper attitude Mitchell has in the opening scene works because he was so numb in the last episode. Him inviting lots of people round to their house, their sanctuary and being weird gives off the same madness that Lauren had, like he’s riding the same high she was on, only he’s going on about Vin Diesel and neighbours missing organs, as opposed to killing people. It makes sense. He’s overcompensating from the devastation he suffered when that girl was killed. Aidan… not so much. In fact, the reason why I find it hard to believe Aidan actually wants to try to be human is because he is stiff and broody so much of the time. By Episode 2-3, Mitchell had already expressed so much humanity through his sympathy and adoration for Annie (because even if he doesn’t know her that well, he believes what happened to her is unfair and finds her positivity to be infectious and very much needed), his brotherly friendship with George (demonstrated by embracing him the day of the full moon, encouraging him to accept that he’s a werewolf and joking around with him by flicking soap at him and teasing him for being a nervous wreck), and his smiley approach to the girl at the hospital. I can understand why he would say “I choose them”. Aidan… has already been sucked into Bishop’s shit by feeding on that woman in front of him and he weakly protested Rebecca’s behaviour (as opposed to Mitchell who was like “thank you, Lauren, for reminding me why I’m not with you lot anymore”).
Sally and Josh — cute. Her whining and saying “page” and that’s all he needs to know what she wants, so he walks over and turns the newspaper page for her. Keep this up, guys, very adorable.
The police storyline is so far interesting and it’s good they’re making use of the compulsion abilities that the vampires have in this version. The more this show strays away from source material, the better.
American Gilbert… forgot what his name was… yeah, he was alright. Looks like a complete poser from the modern day, as opposed to an authentic 80’s guy, but whatever. I don’t understand why Aidan would be friends with him, or why he would wanna help Sally… I could understand Gilbert’s motives because he’s slightly obsessed with himself and so obviously wants to be the guy that influences people into becoming more like him. I could see Mitchell knowing him because he literally goes to 80’s night at the club and met him there, and clearly bonded over 80’s music. Mitchell is always talking about how better things were back then, music and comedy wise, so it makes sense that he’d somewhat bond with Gilbert over that.
So, Aidan invites everyone over — neighbourhood watch, or whatever — with a short explanation about how they need to blend in, only for that to be completely forgotten about and instead, becomes a mediocre Josh storyline. Got it. Also, it could just be having the ick for this show at this point, but I don’t think Aidan does comedy very well. None of them do particularly fantastic so far, but him especially. He’s too broody, which is why he is great at the serious stuff or the sexy stuff. Seeing him crack into a smile and awkwardly say “I should make a seven layer dip” comes across as forced.
The first Aidan and Bishop scene I enjoyed. HOORAY! “So apologise.” Aidan laughs. “Oh, you’re serious.”
And to be honest… I stopped writing things down from here because I was trying so desperately to give it my absolute attention and thought “it’s all gonna be negative so what’s the point”. OOH! But what I do remember liking was… the episode where Josh goes back to his parents’ place and that scene where Aidan has a reaction to something in the food (can’t remember what, probably garlic) and has to isolate himself and basically meditate in a bath, but zooms out because he has to fight a vampire. Totally ripped off Wolfblood (or they ripped Being Human US off) but still a pretty great moment.
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allthingslinguistic · 10 months
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All Things Linguistic - 2022 Highlights
2022 was a year of opening up again and laying foundations for future projects. I spent the final 3 months of it on an extended trip to Singapore, Australia, and New Zealand, which is a delightful reason to have a delay in writing this year in review post. 
Interesting new projects this year included my first piece in The Atlantic, why we have so much confusion on writing the short form of "usual" and 103 languages reading project: inspired by a paper by Evan Kidd and Rowena Garcia. 
Continuations of existing projects: 
Return of LingComm Grants
A survey for those using Because Internet for teaching
10 year Blogiversary of All Things Linguistic: highlights from the past year and highlights from the past decade
6 years of Lingthusiasm
Conferences/Talks
LSA 2022 and judging Five Minute Linguist
I was on panels about swearing in SFF and the Steerswoman books at a local literary speculative fiction con, Scintillation
I was on panels at WorldCon (ChiCon 8) in Chicago: Ask A Scientist, That's Not How That Works!, and Using SFF for Science Communication
I was a contestant for the second time in Webster's War of the Words, a virtual game show fundraiser for the Noah Webster House.
I attended the Australian Linguistics Society annual meeting in Melbourne and the New Zealand Linguistics Society annual meeting in Dunedin, where I gave a talk co-authored with Lauren Gawne called Using lingcomm to design meaningful stories about linguistics
Lingthusiasm
In our sixth year of Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics which I make with Lauren Gawne and our production team, we did a redesign of how the International Phonetic Alphabet symbols are layed out in a chart, in order to correspond more closely with the principle that the location of a symbol is a key to how it's articulated. This involved much digging into the history of IPA layouts and back-and-forths with our artist, Lucy Maddox, and we were very pleased to make our aesthetic IPA design available on a special one-time edition of lens cloths for patrons as well as our general range of posters, tote bags, notebooks, and other all-time merch. 
We also did our first Lingthusiasm audience survey and Spotify for some reason gave us end-of-year stats only in French, which I guess is on brand, but we were pleased to see notebooks, and Lingthusiasm is one of Spotify's top 50 Science podcastsF/href.li/?https:/www.redbubble.com%2Fi%2Fmouse-pad%2FAesthetic-IPA-Chart-Square-by-Lingthusiasm%2F129215087.G1FH6&t=OTkxYjYxYjNmMzA1M2VhNGViOGIxZWIxOGI0NDRjYjE2YTIzYTE2NCw2YTgzNDQyZTM3MzY0YjRkNjc3NGJkNzhhYzJhMzk3ZjA2Y2NkYzIz&ts=1684794278">other all-time merch!
Main episodes from this year
Making speech visible with spectrograms
Knowledge is power, copulas are fun.
Word order, we love 
What it means for a language to be official
Tea and skyscrapers - When words get borrowed across languages
What we can, must, and should say about modals
Language in the brain - Interview with Ev Fedorenko
Various vocal fold vibes
What If Linguistics
The linguistic map is not the linguistic territory
Who questions the questions?
Love and fury at the linguistics of emotions
Bonus Episodes
We interview each other! Seasons, word games, Unicode, and more
Emoji, Mongolian, and Multiocular O ꙮ - Dispatches from the Unicode Conference
Behind the scenes on how linguists come up with research topics
Approaching word games like a linguist - Interview with Nicole Holliday and Ben Zimmer of Spectacular Vernacular
What makes a swear word feel sweary? A &⩐#⦫&
There’s like, so much to like about “like”
Language inside an MRI machine - Interview with Saima Malik-Moraleda
Using a rabbit to get kids chatting for science
Behind the scenes on making an aesthetic IPA chart - Interview with Lucy Maddox
Linguistics and science communication - Interview with Liz McCullough
103 ways for kids to learn languages
Speakest Thou Ye Olde English?
Selected Tweets
Linguistics Fun
aunt and niece languages
Swedish chef captions
IPA wordle
wordle vs kiki
creative use of emoji and space
resume glottal stop
dialects in a trenchcoat
which of these starter Pokemon is bouba and which is kiki
(for no author would use, because of the known rendolence of onions, onions)
acoustic bike
An extremely charming study by Bill Labov featuring a rabbit named Vincent
Rabbit Meme
Cheering on linguistics effects (Stroup and Kiki/Bouba) in a vote on the cutest scientific effect name
Old English Hrickroll
The word you get assigned with your linguistics degree
Sanskrit two-dimensional alphabet
Cognate Objects
Linguist Meetup in Linguaglossa?
baɪ ði eɪdʒ ʌv θɚti
j- prefixing
"But clerk, I am Bill Labov" (pagliacci meme)
Usual winner
Because Internet Tumblr vernacular
Linguist "Human" Costume
Cursed kiki/bouba
dot ellipsis vs comma ellipsis
intersection of signed languages and synesthesia?
Antipodean linguistic milestone
Selected Blog Posts:
Linguistic Jobs
Online Linguistics Teacher
Impact Lead
Customer Success Manager
Hawaiian and Tahitian language Instructor, Translator & Radio Host
Language Engineer
Data Manager & Digital Archivist
Linguistics fun
xkcd: neoteny recapitulated phylogeny
Eeyore Linguistic Facts
Lingthusiasm HQ: Frown Thing!
xkcd is making a vowel hypertrapezoid
Title: Ships and Ice Picks: An Ethnographic Excavation of alt.goncharov
Missed out on previous years? Here are the summary posts from 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021. If you’d like to get a much shorter monthly highlights newsletter via email, with all sorts of interesting internet linguistics news, you can sign up for that at gretchenmcc.substack.com.
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deadbranch · 1 year
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None Taken:  The Only Universe or Separate Bullets, One at a Time
Author: @deadbranch
Pairing: Lieutenant John Price x fem!OC (3rd POV throughout)
Warnings: Kissing, fluff, general social stress, uncertainty/insecurity, no impolite swearing in Price’s thoughts this time, OC has moderate anxiety, Price is a young officer who's a tad rough around the edges, no real warnings. 
Summary:  John & Jess open up to each other before social obligations potentially damage their progress as a couple.
Word Count:  1.3k
A/N:  I had initially planned the wedding reception lead-up & the 1st reception itself to be one episode, but then I realized Jess & John have to work out a few issues before attending their first social event—Jess getting accustomed to an empathetic ally and way out if needed, and John being transparent about his own feelings, no matter how deeply he’s buried them.  I promise the next episode will be more fun, for the both of them :D
Previous A/N:  Feedback is appreciated.  The None Taken series is a separate AU from everything else I write.  Price is 29 & Jessica is 21 (38 & 30 in the ‘present’ timeline).  Canon events have been ignored. Thoughts are bolded and italicized.  Flashbacks are italicized large sections of text, not bolded (where applicable).  Text messages are in italics set off with apostrophes.
SERIES MASTERLIST
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CH 8: THE ONLY UNIVERSE OR SEPARATE BULLETS, ONE AT A TIME
[8 years and 10 months ago]
“But I don’t have three frocks.”  Jess turns in the mirror while examining the rearview of the slinky charcoal cocktail sheath she’d originally intended to wear for New Year, but she never wore.  Lauren is laying on her stomach across the bed adjacent.
“You don’t need three, babe.  The men will all be wearing the same uniform for all three events, and the women will do much the same—they don’t have wardrobes full of frocks to pull from.  I’ve been there, the barrage of military formal events.  Trust me.”  Lauren supports her chin atop her laced fingers, her ankles crossed and moving idly as she talks.
“All the same.  I want to look like… I want to be more.  Does that make sense?”
“It does.”  Lauren rolls toward the edge of the bed and plants her feet on the rug.  “Lucky for you, I have some options you might like.  You’re taller than me, but not by enough to make these fit much differently.  Hope you like dark colors.”
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Against her trepidation, Jess invited John to join her at Lauren’s house.  Lauren had been dying to meet him and she’d promised not to ask her usual personal questions, friendly or otherwise.
After John took some tea, Lauren winks at Jess and excuses herself.  “I’ll be back. Just need to run to the market, be back in an hour or so.  The babes are asleep…shouldn’t wake up until after I get back.  Shouldn’t.  Thank you, love.”
Lauren places a quick kiss at the crown of Jessica’s head as she departs.
John smiles at Jess, his chin tipped downward a bit as his fingers cradle his teacup.
“I like her.  Lauren.  She cares a great deal about you, I can tell.”  John chuckles softly at the end.
“...What?”  Jess asks as she places what’s left of her biscuit on her saucer.
“She’s your big sister.  I like that.  I never had an older sibling.  I probably need one.”  As the quiet settles between them, John lifts his brows a bit as he asks the question he’s been dying to ask since he arrived.
“So.  How do you feel about dancin’?”
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Jess feels nervous.  Safe and nervous.
John’s hand is placed firmly against her ribcage, just below her shoulder blade, her right hand clasped in his left, and her left hand resting softly on his right shoulder.  At least she remembered something from her primary school etiquette classes.
As the music starts, she feels her body move awkwardly, her cheeks burning as her eyes avoid John’s.  After a few moments, John stops them.
Oh no, no no no…
Jess feels herself shrink as her arms retract from his formal embrace.  He presses his lips together in a determined line as he states simply, “Well this is just the wrong music, isn’t it?”
John scrolls through his album list, the clickwheel snapping away softly.  “Ah.  That’s it.  Okay.  But before we begin again, let’s modify our hand placement.  Otherwise, we’ll be the only ones dancing like we’re in the company of Her Majesty.”
As the song begins, John guides Jess’s arms to encircle his shoulders and neck, her forearms resting on his collarbones, her hands at the base of his neck.
She notices the muscles there and does her best not to think, until he places his hands at the small of her back to pull her close.   John notices her widened eyes.  “Too close?”  His expression tells her his question is sincere.
Following a moments contemplation, she shakes her head.  John smiles.  “Off we go then.”
As the song ends, Jess blushes.  She feels John’s hands moving tentatively at her waist and she’s not sure how to say that she wants him to keep them there.  John continues to hold her, as though having read her mind.
“You’re anxious.”  His gaze is warm, understanding.  Just like the sound of his voice.
Jess nods.  “I am.  Three weddings?  That’s a lot of strangers.  And you come from a different world.”
John pulls her into a hug.  “You’re right.  But I have a thought.  If it becomes too much, you tell me.  We’ll leave.”
She feels both a flood of relief and a burning guilt.  He used ‘we’.
“But…”  She picks her words carefully from among the questions she’d banked in her mind for asking John prior to his disappearance.  The burning guilt pushes her questions to the surface.
“…how do you know…what to say...what I need?  Most people don’t know what I feel or they...make me feel like I’m the weird one.”  Her voice feels strained as she says this.  John keeps his arms tightly around her, her face tucked gently against his neck and shoulder, letting her have the chance to speak her mind without feeling watched.
“You’re one of a kind, Jess.  But the anxiety that ails you is common.  I’m looking forward to introducing you to Campbell, and his soon-to-be-wife.  When I met Campbell, he was a mess.  A good man.  Was terrified of meeting new people, but the squad helped him through.  He found his match in a fearless woman.  Abigail.”
Jess chuckles against John’s chest before lifting her chin to look him in the eye.
“Are you my Abigail, then?”  Jess’ eyes look glassy, her features drawn tightly.
He kisses her lips, her initially tense frame softening as he holds her, his mouth exploring hers gently.  As he pulls back, he smiles at her and watches her own grin emerge.
“I’ll be whoever you need me to be.  I’m not going anywhere, unless you tell me otherwise.”
 “I don’t want to leave the party early.  I want to stay.  But…”  As she hesitates, he waits a moment longer before interjecting.
“And that’s wonderful.  But it’s not required.  As long as you remember that.”  John palms her cheek and redirects her gaze to meet his.  “There’s a trick to getting through things like this.  May I share it with you?”  His forehead creases as his eyebrows rise, the blueness of his irises almost overwhelming Jess’ senses.  She nods.
“There’s only one universe.  And all your troubles are bullets.”
It was Jess’ turn to raise her eyebrows.  John continues.
“The one universe contains only you…and me.  You can only hear me, and I can only hear you.  It’s just us.  Everything else—just noise.  All that matters is right here.”  He indicates the space between their chests with his hand.
“When you feel overwhelmed, retreat to our universe.  I’ll be here with you.  And I can think of all kinds of things we can talk about.  Or we can be silent.  I’ll hold you.”
“But what about the bullets?”
“Not the kind you’re thinking of.  Everything that would hurt you, anger you, tire you…is just a bullet point on paper.  Strike through each one.  One at a time.”
“And if they won’t stop?  If there’s too many?”
“One at a time.  It will feel stressful, but by the time you get through half of them you can breathe again.  And the list will shrink.  Each new one becomes easier to strike through.  The bullets never stop coming.  Just stay sharp.  Tear the paper if you need to.”
John wipes a tear away that’s crept down Jess’s face.  “And you can always take my hand.  Squeeze it three times.  I’ll know to whisk you away.”
Jess turns to search the room for a carton of facial tissues.  She intends to push further for a more personal answer from John.
“How do you know to do this?  It’s not just because of Campbell, is it?”  She watches John’s face tense as he prepares his reply.
“I had a tough time mentally, in the beginning.  Complete change of lifestyle, everything that wasn’t important before became priority-one.  Every little thing warring for my attention.  Nothing really winning.  I’ve done this…method…ever since.  One bullet at a time.”
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Ending Author’s Note:   Jess says John could pep-talk a mouse into thinking it was a rhino.  John says Jess could convince a dying man he will live, just by entering the room.
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EPISODE IX
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@jxvipike
@ohgodthebogisback
@misshoneypaper
@jwjeepers
@sinsmelody
@overthetopobsessed
@smoggyfogbottom
@mirthlxss
@sashadiurnal
@boniscute
@0skyreaper0
@gcing-back-to-505
@montenegroisr
@solidly-indulgent
@brewed-pangolin
@tapioca-marzipan
@delicatemortal
@quincessimus
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