#but thats cuz of stress and like other mental stuff and what i REALLY need is therapy but oh well lol only blood work is free so :

[squid-ink-symphony]

im really liking story mode and splatoon 2 in general so far, and i just got to the 4th area, so here are some random thoughts i have on it in no particular order.

I rlly like that Marie is basically the only other character here. I may be biased cuz she's my second fav character (shiver is number one ofc) but i just rlly like her commentary. But not have Callie here to also say random stuff is kinda sad..... Like at first i was like yessss lets go only Marie(no offense, i love callie). But i miss her :(

I may be one of the few sheldon enjoyers as someone who actually likes reading all his dialogue, so i appreciate him also being here.

THIS IS HARD. I know i suck at video games... but some of these levels just feel so LONG. And making me fight enemy octolings with a charger is evil. Anyway yeah i need some easier levels spread out between these like splat 3 had. Cuz this is..... not good. I have to keep taking breaks cuz the long levels do be mentally taxing. Like hello this is funny squid game i cant be bad at smth intended for kids. I havent straight up failed a level yet but ive come close.

Hello?????? The ruins of ark whatever its called salmon run map is so cool????? Why dont we have this in splat 3 yet. Its so fun.

speaking of salmon run, not being able to throw eggs or have the movement of splat 3 is so cursed. like, what do u mean thats not a thing????

Yeah the not being able to do the lil charge thing up wallls is so unsatistfying.....

I had to play as a guy cuz i wanted my splat 3 hair. (the ponytail) which i dont usually care about in games, but the girl inklings have cuter voices.... Oh well i am a dude now lol. Luckily gender is a game to me so i dont actually care other than the voice difference

Pearl and Marina my beloveds.... HOW COME WE DONT DONT GET STAGE SPECIFIC DIALOUGE IN SPLAT 3????? not only do deep cut not get many chances to speak in story mode they also have repetitive news segments...... so sad.. its ok i still love them. But yeah i love these funny creechurs. why are they like that. they say so many insane things. pearl and marina are so funky :D

Forcing me to use the hero charger for certain levels is so evil and messed up. I only like dualies, rollers, and sometimes brella. They cant do this to me.. I cannot aim....

As with splat 3 i am enamored with the backgrounds in the story mode levels themselves. i love just wasting like 5 mins just staring at them. I want to make literally any of them my desktop background but idk how to get a good pic of them.... man especially the upside down city looking one in 3. its so pretty and just UGH ITS SO GOOOD/

I am so poor..... what do u mean clothes cost money/?? i have to play the game??? all i want is to dress up my funny lil squid... i need a splatoon spinoff that is just a casual game thats like a dress up/room decoration game. maybe w like a cooking minigame too. thats ideal. like animal crossing or smth but squids. Shooting ppl is stressful.... (dont ask me why i play splatoon if i dont like combat cuz its scary. i couldnt tell u)

WHY ARE ALL THE INK COLORS IN THIS GAME SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN THE SPLAT 3 ONES???? ITS NOT FAIR. Some of these blue's are so pretty... i want...

none of the multiplayer maps have rlly stuck out to me in any way. Like they all just kinda feel the same lol. I think like maybe one or two i thought were cool? but idk the names. i def like the aesthetic of a lot of them.

I wanna just try all the weapons and specials but noooooo i gotta level up. just gimme everything ok

i also wanna explore the stages but as far as i know there isnt recon. I was just gonna do a private battle but turns out u cant do those w one person. And i was so excited cuz there were splatfest stages availbe too...... so sad i just wanna check out the maps but idk how to/if i can do that.....

the amount of times ive fallen off the map in the main level select area of story mode is more than i can count. its not even funny at this point

I also just cannot find some of the scrolls/sardines in some levels despite playing them mulitiple times. Not to just expose myself as incompetent over and over today, but i am 100% gonna need to look up a guide cuz i do not have the patience for this.

Also the rhythm game is surprisingly one of my fav things so far??? Like i am having the most fun ever with this thing. I want it in splat 3 so bad w all the new songs. Its actually just so fun. Like idk maybe better than story mode somehow. Maybe i just have my priorities wrong tho lol

Anyway yeah tats all i have 2 say for now... I think. idk im having fun w the game so yeah

#splatoon #splatoon 2

[96xie]

stepping back

i think this is a topic that was bound to come up sooner or later but i think its kinda good that it was brought up so i can rethink some things. im veryyyy vocal about not having kids. everybody should expect that i will not be popping a baby out of me. nope. like have you seen the state of this world? have you seen how expensive it is to raise one?? how your mental peace is gone? how theres really no time for yourself? i love and value my alone time and peace so much like ... i really cant be sacrificing that. i can help raise and take care of my friends and family’s babies, like i can definitely do that but at the end of the day im able to have time for myself. 

i thought about being a foster parent or possibly adopt but like even those arent forsure. i just know i will not be raising a baby !!! also my mental state is so whack like, im still recovering from the trauma my parents had inflicted on me and im just so worried that what if i unintentionally treat my child the same way my parents had done to me? i would hate that so much. im still learning to love myself and to honor my body, its so difficult. 

he brought up how he would be a great dad and HONESTLY he would be !! and that kinda triggered me cuz i already implied tht i would just raise dogs and stuff. and yeah, made me a bit upset because i do like him and id like a future with him but if he wants kids and i dont, why should i continue to pursue him? like im just gonna disappoint him in the future, should i just like end it now? and now im disappointed because all these months made me believe like ~i feel like we’ll have a future together since he’s asking me to wait for him and all these stuff~ and now im rethinking it. like ive see so many stories where couples that have been together for yearssssss break apart because one wants kids and one doesnt and that makes me SO upset. ive seen how broken my parents were and i dont want that that to happen to me. im so used to disappointments that im so well guarded and im preparing myself to get away from heartbreaks. and i just want to nip this in the bud so i dont have to stress over it in the future, ya know? iono im just. ugh really. i dont want to be heartbroken in the future, i want to prevent that. and this sucks cuz YA KNOW i like him alot but if our ideas dont align, why bother trying? at the same time, we’re still early in the talking stages i guess.... i mean 7 months is kinda ..... yeah ... i mean anyways theres intentions of getting serious but i guess i can reserve this convo in person, if we ever get there.

i should just let live. maybe go on a date or two. i shouldnt be placing all my eggs in his basket. my friend something the other day that made me upset: “truthfully its gonna be hard to find someone who doesnt want kids either” and it dealt a blow on me. like ... do i have to accept that ill be alone in this lifetime? obviously alone doesnt equate to lonely but like ... am i meant to not have a lover who doesnt share the same ideals as me? yeah ... i guess thats it. i should have fun in the meantime

i need to step back, relax and just not stress out over this. yet .... i am SO stressed. im just tired of dating. im tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. :(

#siiiiiigh i rly thought it was going well but maybe i shouldnt stress out over this too much

[sharksa-shivers]

Max is sick/more texts between character stuff cuz why not?

Kristy: Max

Kristy: Max, cmon dude, need you to wake up! We kinda need you today!!

Max: Ive been up ffs been trying to sleep tho

Max: damn that sucks cuz i feel like shit

Kristy: Ughhhh, look, i get it, depression but like…You can't just keep sitting stuff out because of your depression???

Max: ??????? It's not depression tho???? Hshshshshs fuck

Max: Im fuckin sick lol im not coming sorry to disappointt

Kristy: Yeah, sure, ok. Nice prank buddy

Kristy: Now get up and get dressed, we need to go!!!

Max:(sends a pic of him holding up a wad of used tissues, Max looks out of it in the picture, he is obviously sick) sorry lol would you like a snot or cough sample to prove that im not fucking lying?

Kristy: …….Oh…….

Max: YEAH LMAO

Max: you try fuckin sleeping when you can't breath, having a tiny nose thats clogged doesn't help when im trying to inhale oxygen

Max: throat hurts, head hurty, nose blocked tf off, can i sttay home now mom??? please???? Im so tired and i feel like shit lol

Kristy: …..I guess you're kinda gonna have to, hmmm….Trying to think…

Max: how about fuck the mission, tkae a day off???

Kristy: No!!!

Max: lol you should

Max: i love demon fighting and shit and you nkow i do but like…life is nore then labor ok? Enjoy it

Kristy: ……That is so weird of a phrase to come from you of all people who's suicidal af

Max: IM NOT SUICIDAL EVERY FUCKING DAY GODDAMNIT SHSHSHSHSHSH IM ONLY SUICIDAL MOST DAYS OK?.??? THERE IS A DIFFERENCE

Max: in seriousness tho, eh. Today feels kinda good mental health wise, its just my physical health thats shit today lololol Kristy: Well…Guess it is what it is then…

Max: hey lol can you get me some food and some meds plz? Im cozy in bed dont wanna spread germs and shit but a bitch needa eat lol (also meds would be p nice i miss breathing…oxygen bb plz come back im sorry;~;)

Kristy: Yeah yeah lmao, i can. I'm gonna assume no food preferences today?

Max: No lol just plz, im so hungry, blehhhh (preferably something i can fucjing taste and that wont hurt my throat much tho lol)

Kristy: Okayyyyyy, i'll see what i can do.

Max: Best friendo ever lol you da best!!! 💗 ---------------- And now some rambling text info bout The Trio derps whenever sick cuz why not tho? --- Trio derp sickness levels (this sickness meaning like…ig nausea levels --- Kristy: So Kristy is least likely to like get sick like that. With her having magic and the amulet and whatnot, she gets very used to rapid, disorienting movements over time (though at the series start, i can see this being more of an issue but also with Kristy's determination, i can see her blowing that shit out of the water pretty quick, her determination being the stronger of the 2) Kristy can still very much get sick tho, if she's in a very disorienting situation for a long time period, she's gonna get fucking sick… 🍃🍃🍃

Sharky: So with Sharky, he can get sick and he does from time to time. It's either him getting motion sick, him getting actual sick (from like food poisoning and bugs and whatnot) or it's the third option and that tying into him being a shark (but i'll hop back to this in a sec)

Sharky is kind of harder to get motion sick because he does have the advantage of being born in the ocean so…He's used to that sort of thing, like a ride or whatever isn't going to give him motion sickness, he gets it more from like…Being thrown around rapidly with 0 control or from magic use or things like that…

So for the other thing…So…him being a shark yeah? So a reminder; Sharky can throw up his entire stomach, like wholeass organ…This is because he's a shark and it's something Sharky REALLY REALLY FUCKING HATES part cuz it's so weird, part cuz it's disgusting and part because it fucking hurts since he's very not used to doing that…Sharky can vomit up either his entire stomach or he just throws up normally…Sharky doesn't really have much control over this but if it's a higher stress situation, it's gonna be the entire organ coming up. (this whole bit happens more if Sharky's scared or very fucking stressed or in a big emergency sort of thing…Otherwise, Sharky's probably gonna just throw up normally…) Sharky learns he has this ability during the series and i kinda megadoubt he ever utilizes it like Slash does BUT Sharky does learn how to control this a bit better and when he feels it happening, he tends to insta-calm down to try and prevent the whole thing from coming out… 🦈🦈🦈 Max: Max defs gets motion sickness probably the worst…This is probably another reason why Max isn't the biggest on dizzying shit or boats or things like that because it probably fucks him up alottttttttt… Unlike Kristy he has no magic And unlike Sharky, Max does not have any sort of help from the ocean soooooooooo…Yeah, rip dogeboi [i kinda feel like Sharky throws up more then Max does tbh but i think it's cuz Sharky's put in more situations where that can happen vs Max…] 🐶🐶🐶 Now for sickness sickness, i feel like Sharky probs gets sick in that way the least cuz of his height honestly (it's harder for germs and shit to bother him if they can't reach his face…If somebody coughs near him, it ain't gonna be near his face so…) I feel like Kristy's second And i feel like Max probs has it worst here again tbh (i defs feel like Max has really fucking awful allergies tbh…Idk why but it's a vibe i get, probably if i had to guess, something with his fur picking up things that make him sneeze and cough and whatnot, rip dogeboi again)

#kidnappedseries #kidnappedseries dialog stuff #kidnappedseries rambles

[rrxnjun]

I ACTUALLY YELLED SEEING LIEBESTRAUM WAHHHHH;-;-;;-;-;-;-;; THANK U SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT I CANT WAIT TILL JUNE;-;;-;-; i cannottttt tell u how happy u actually made me with that wahhdhfjf

OOO MAN☹️☹️I HOPE UR MENTAL HEALTH WILL GET BETTER!!!! AND U DONT SUCK!!! TAKE UR TIME WITH IT u shouldn't listen to them when ur not in the mood for them it will deff ruin the vibes so take all the time u need!!!!

i agree with that the only good noise music i listen to now is all from nct and when i hear other bgs' i'm just😟😟😟 IM SURE HE WAS AMAZING CUZ ALL OF THEM WERE🤌🤌 the song genuinely slaps so i'm not surprised if it makes it in there

well idk people said i study a lot so i just accepted the fact but i never feel prepared enough so;-; tbh the percentage is lower just to pass💀 but i need the plus point for uni and that's the limit for getting it but yeah i feel like it shows that hungary does not go for making people smarter lmao💀 I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE POINT LIMITS FOR GETTING INTO UNI wahhh the whole thing is dumb🫠 thank u!!!! i have three more speaking exams so i'm shitting my pants rn😃OH NO☹️ i hope u passed the second one exams suck so i hope it didn't hit u hard!!!! GOOD LUCK WITH THEM!!! IM SURE U WILL DO GOOD ON THEM!! MANIFESTING SO HARD!!!! I HOPE U ARE DOING WELL AND ARE TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!!! (liebestraum anon💓💕)

(the review reply: art sucks for that reason sm;-; but i deff learned after a few times of that happening with me as well to just sleep on it and throw it out after but it still amuses me how can art have this effect in a way (idk how to explain what i mean rip) AND THANK U FOR NOT HATING IT U JUST MADE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ISTG!!!)

IM REPLYING TO THIS ASK LITERALLY SO LATE THAT THE FIC IS DROPPING TOMORROW LMAO ADJSK i have to warn u tho its quite different to the original draft i had and the teaser i posted from it 😶😶 hope you still end up liking it !!!

SJSJ thank you thank you 😔😔 you are always so sweet and understanding ily mwah.

nct noise is the only good noise in kpop. there i said it. 😶 (this is a joke there are a few more good noise songs from diff groups pls dont jump me im targeting one fandom in specific w this yes) like nct could do any of your favs songs but could your favs do sticker? no. thats right.😌 AHHH im glad u liked my babies cix i was told by spotify that they are my top listened to artist of the last 4 weeks so. 😃 yeah. they also had a comeback like 2 days ago if u wanna check that out cough cough

if people tell u that, its probably true AHAHA 😭😭 me and my friend were talking the other day like i dont even study that much like i get to the 2 hour mark and i go well 🤷‍♀️ thats it for the day ig. like i dont have any more brain capacity LMAO. Oooh i do get you w the uni points stuff!! me being a straight A student was what got me into uni too bc switching from business hs to psychology was actually kind of insane coming from me LMAOOO i had no bonus points from biology or anything so my grades helped a TON since i fucked up the entrance exam too lol 😭😭😭 im rooting for you !!!! I feel like slovakia doesnt really care abt that either ?? there are definitely better and worse unis tho and i unfortunately attend the one thats one of the best so they kinda care..😔 SPEAKING EXAMS ARE THE WORST THEY SHOULD BE CANCELLED LIKE THATS 3 TIMES THE STRESS U HAVE WHEN TAKING A WRITTEN ONE. i hate those sm omg i am PRAYING for you (i have only one speaking one this semester and i am mentally preparing for it for the last few weeks) i actually passed the second try (with an E, but i still did it....) and i have another exam w the same professor this friday so..🤞

i am trying to learn how to be patient w art (and life) so it prevents me tearing everything out and throwing it out.....so you are right abt that AHAHA thats a good advice to take

as always i hope youre doing good, taking care of yourself and having a good time!! mwah

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

[healingheneree]

03/30/2023

Dear journal,

I know i have been avoiding writing because when i need to write its when i feel the most pain. You would think after 6 months the pain would go away. I feel like no one understands how much things hurt; I am so grateful Tam is still here in my life and she still loves me as a friend and cares for me and can hold space for me when i need it within her boundaries. But each night and each day i miss the person that is gone. I miss my wife and my partner and my best friend. I know that part is 100% gone and when i spend time with tam it makes me feel good but it also does the opposite when i am not. There are moments and there are things that happen to trigger my emotions. I know i went back to smoking and a bit of numbing but its not to avoid but to help me present. The present is good. I enjoy my friendship with Tam. i enjoy spending time with the kids so much where i do hold those feelings of hurt and grief in so i can show them i can be a joyful happy person. I dont want them to grow up thinking daddy is always sad and unhappy. I dont want them to take on that energy and then grow up to be this way. There are little things through out each week of my life that remind me of things. 

First one was All American as you know the DAD died so it was a episode where Spencer was acting all out of control and started acting like he cares about nothing and just wanted to push people away. Started treating people differently and gets really angry and short. I understood those feelings and emotions. Also they showed a part where his therapist made him talk about it. He talked about how he avoided Coach bakers call and sent it to VM and then that was the last time he heard his voice. He was so angry and upset of the WHAT IFs. What if he picked it up what if he just talked to him and then maybe he wouldn't have died. I got me thinking again of all my what ifs. That also got me thinking of all the what ifs and to make me feel all those emotions all over again.  But the therapist there got his perspective to change by saying now you got a VM so you can hear him anytime you want for the rest of your life so he is always with you. Turned it into being grateful and then ended up with him thanking everyone for loving him and caring. I wanted to say Thank you to Tam i am grateful she is still here and can still give me parts of her that she wants to. It helps a but but again my wife, my soulmate my other half is gone. The word GONE is so weird since its not gone forever since Tam is not dead but what am i DEEP DOWN INSIDE hopeing and wanting. I know in the deepest part of my heart it still wants it but i also know i cannot work from that part. I need to put those feelings aside and prioritize other feelings and wants first and time will help the hurt get better i'm sure. 

Last night was very hard. Tam was very sick and i went to help her out but taking the kids. So she can rest. My heart just always wants to help so that part is easy. My Husband part of me wanted to not leave her side and just take care of everyone because thats one thing i know i do really well in. I wanted her to ask me to stay and just be there but i also know to not push it to hard. My number 1 thing i wanted to do is stay. But i choose what i wanted to do second and is to take the kids out to have fun. I put my feelings aside as i should for the kids. The kids had fun but also liam was being very clingy. As soon as we left. Most the night both kids were very tired and i used every ouunce of my mental energy to not get short or react. Buyt the end of the night i had this long list of stuff i needed to do and the stress in my body i felt it all over was very overwhelming.  Tam called me cuz she knew how i felt energetically and all i wanted to do was ask her if we can come back over. I felt like all i wanted to do was sit in bed together with my laptop next to her and do some paper work and watch some TV and just be. I spend a lot of time with Tam but i miss FUN and Miss things that take away stress. In the end i do miss my the part that i cannot have and cannot ask for. Going out. Family time , Trips. All the way down the Hugs and kisses and feeling the LOVE that i feel. I just have so much love to give and when it has no where to go it gets trapped inside of me and it turns into something else. I am learning to hold on to the love and energy but also not let me put me in a bad spot. I know from time to time my inner child gets the best of me. Like last night my kids were just a lot and i felt like i took on their emotion or vise versa. I know lucas wants this family to be a family as much as i do. I dont lie to him add tell him i don't want it either so we both feel a certain way and i feel him as much as he feels me. I am not 100% if this is good for him or me but i recognize it and just want things to be good again. There is also part of me that knows the WIFE energy form Tam has gone to someone else and each time i get overwhelm with that ist harder than anything in the world. I cant shake the feeling in my gut and that adds to the stress so its why i just like around my whole family and so i dont have to think about those feelings my head gives me. 

Another show i was watching was the flash. There is this charactor FROST she is played by this one actress and the characters went away and the same charactor is now a different version of herself. Frost had a BF and he see this new charactor and its hard for him. He lost the love of his life but these other person that is still there isnt her but looks like her and is her but not. Like how Tam is still TAM but not my wife. It made me really cry because i know how that feels. 

I am sittin here in Tams living room feeling my feels listening and being around is so easy and i love it but my adult side is tired and cannot fight the emitons of my inner child. My inner child just wants to be hugged and loved and to feel those feelings it misses so much,. I not sure while i hang on to it so much. It feel like abandonment? I feel like my inner child is just alone and un loved. I alos know that this is far from the truth but the feelings are feelings. Some days i feel like i am healing and doing the work to get better but some days i do feel like i just have to sit with it.  

I fear when i write and share i want tam to know how i feel since its how i can be honest and transparent but i also scared it will push her away and make her pull back the way we are. The way we are now is amazing still. We do our best to be friend , financial partners in life, and parents. We are missing the one part i have suppressed for years because i figured tam didnt want it so if she doesn't and she can live with out it so can i. Now that i know she wants it and needs the intimacy and connection i want even more now. Its like i pulled the rug out and all my love and emotions and intimate energy has no where to go and its piles up and then explodes into one of my episodes. Little things happen from day to day to remind me if what i dont have and what i really want and when its gets to much it kinda pours over. I fear that if i say i love her it will push her away. I fear that if i ask for a hug it might be the last time. I fear that if i look into her eyes for to long she will never look at me again. I fear that i am being so selfish for wanting these things and it will push her away more.  I am scared to be completely honest since she will think we need more space. To me the space is so big and im just learning to live with it and not let it bother me. I know i dont control the way she feels but i do mine. Maybe she will read this maybe not but Today this is how Henry feels and today i am hurting a bit more than other days but its part of my healing and growth. I wish tam would talk to me and not judge how i feel. I judge everything i do liek it has to be black and white , right and wrong but i am just trying my best to get through the day.  I know tam always wonders what i do with my time. I try to fill it with things that make me happy and trying to find joy in the things that i use to love doing. But she doesn't know how hard it is or maybe she does but i also feel she gets mad when it's not what she thinks i should be doing. This triggers me the feeling that when i am not doing what she thinks i should be doing, I am not worthy enough to be her partner in things. Like the house thing. She told me to be honest on what I want but also what I want to do. I am still trying to figure that out. Right now I love Tam and I love my kids and this family is my number 1.  

What i do everyday when i am confused on what to do. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and scan my whole body then I concentrate on my heart and gut and ask what it wants. What does it really want to do? Then I make a choice to show up or to do something else. I follow my heart and for that day i made a choice from a place where all my love is and then i dont questions what i do. It's not guaranteed that I know if it's the correct choice but it's the one I made today. And I tell myself if it doesn't work out for me I learn from it and tomorrow i get to make new choices. I move forward and keep trucking away to eventually get to where I need and want to be. 

I am trying my best to choose to put the kids first and then me and then tam. Its not normal for me but saying first then doing has been how I do things. 

1) Emotional Dump: 

My biggest fear: Passing on my Energy that isn't going help the kids

My negative emotions: thinking of things i don't have instead of what i do

Frustrations/angry: frustrated that I still feel sad and angry when I feel it. I know it doesn't go away forever but is there

Areas I feel stuck: PLANNING PLANNING PLANNING

2) Gratitude/Brag book: 

I am so grateful Tam is still here and doing her best to hold space. And our Tamry connection

I am so grateful Parents for helping me

I am so grateful My job to pay the bills 

I am grateful my trip to japan

3) Complete “ONE thing": Pick 1 place in japan a day

[jabbathehot]

literally if it turns out that i have blood pressure issues or im anaemic or i have some other nerd illness like that on top of my asthma im checking out

#no offense if anyone has either of these but i cannot do that #my fainting has gotten to a point where its not funny anymore but i dont wanna go get fully checked out because ugggh #and also im 99% sure its all because im at the most unhealthy weight ive ever been and i just keep losing #but thats cuz of stress and like other mental stuff and what i REALLY need is therapy but oh well lol only blood work is free so :// #its so crazy how many of my issues would be in such a better place if only i could afford therapy i hate money so fucking much 😭😭😭😭 #anyway

[tendouluvr]

aizawa calling you clingy - gn reader

- [attempt at] angst to fluff

- warnings: being called clingy, aizawa gets annoyed with reader and berates them, one use of the word ‘shit’

- wc: 1.9k

a/n: this wasnt......as sad as i wanted... i cant tell if im just not so good at writing angst or immune to it T_T

once again, not edited!

#! aizawa!!!! eee

#! hes a levelheaded man so arguments are rare

#! u both trust one another so theres no reason to have doubts in ur relationship

#! being his s/o, he tells u things thats not so easy to tell others over time, and you’re patient enough to let him take however much time he needs to let u in

#! however, years of keeping to himself most of the time doesnt just disappear even if you’re his s/o

#! so aizawa does have this tendency to close off and distance himself from u bc of his stress and insecurities

walking through the spacious halls of ua, you were headed towards your lovely boyfriend. aizawas been pretty busy lately with teaching his class, making sure no one is being left behind progress wise, doing his job as a pro-hero, and then spending his free time training with shinsou.

you knew showing up at school unexpectedly was something aizawa found irky, that’s why you made sure to tell him the night before that you would be coming during lunch time to bring him some yummy homemade food.

humming softly to yourself, you finally reached the door opening to class 1-A and walked in. the classroom was empty, but there at the front was no one other than mr. aizawa shouta. you quickly greeted him with a smile and he turned to look at you.

“what are you doing here?” he slowly asked with a look of confusion.

“i brought you some food! did you eat yet? i hope not, i made-,” you quickly stopped talking once you noticed the look he was giving you.

“why are you here? i already told you, you shouldnt be showing up without letting me know first. our relationship is quiet, if the students see they’ll get noisy and ask questions, i’ll get bombarded by my colleagues, and it’ll put you in danger if words get out. did anyone see you coming here? can you listen to me for once instead of continuing to always be near me? you’re so damn clingy and need to start thinking about the consequences your action will bring. i already ate, just go home before anything happens.”

your jaw dropped a little after hearing what he just said to you. did he not remember what you told him last night?

worst of all, you couldnt believe he just called you clingy. you just wanted to do something nice for him by making his favorite food hoping that it’ll relieve some of the stress thats been building up, but he just thought of you as clingy.

fine, if clingy is what you are then you’ll stop bothering him. you quickly whispered an apology, not sure if he could hear or not, and began making your way back home as fast as possible. the food you made for him was still tightly grasped in your hand.

due to the new dormitories, aizawa stays at ua majority of the time. he comes home to your shared apartment whenever he can to spend time with you. unfortunately, those time aren’t usually much because as soon as he’s free, he’s quick to do something else.

once you’ve made it home, you packed the food away and put it in the fridge. you felt your phone buzzing repeatedly, already guessing who it could possibly be, you took it out to see it was your boyfriend.

shou <3: im sorry

shou <3: honey, im so sorry. pls text me back when u can

shou <3: i know what i said hurted u, but i promise u i dont mean it. pls just call me or text me so we can talk about this

shou <3: i have to go back now. but i love u. so much.

staring at your screen, you contemplated texting him back.

letting out a sigh, you decided not to.

putting your phone to the side, you walked to the bedroom and changed out of your clothes into the comfy pjs you were wearing right before you left.

seeing that there was nothing for you to do other than wallow in your insecurities and let out a few tears, you got into bed and made yourself comfortable for an afternoon nap.

aizawa on the other hand was at school and distracted. his own words kept replaying over and over in his head and all he wants to do is smack himself a few times (after comforting u ofc).

his students could tell he was in a badder mood than usual so they collectively agreed to not worsen it (one particular student does not care. can u guess?). aizawa just wanted the day to pass so he can apologize to you directly and make it up with some cuddling.

despite being distracted with planning his apology and thinking about you, he was still teaching as he should and constantly telling his students to be quiet because he’s intimidating like that.

a few hours passed, the students are back in their dorms and some of the teachers are still in school finishing up some work. the hallways were empty and silent, and the weather outside was nice and calm - not too sunny with just the right amount of wind.

however, if you were to peek your head inside of class 1-A at the moment, the environment is an exact 180. aizawa is quickly trying to grade the remaining stack of papers he has on his desk so he can leave as soon as he can. there’s papers everywhere, he’s not so sure where the answer key went off to but to hell with the answer key. he just needs to go home.

his hair is messily tied up and his lips have probably been gnawed off by now. as soon as school ended, he got out his phone to see if you replied and sadly you didn’t. he doesn’t blame you though, considering all of the shit he said to you earlier. 

finally writing down the fat score in red pen onto the final paper, he gathers everything and put to the side of his desk and packed up his stuff. his stuff being his yellow sleeping bag and that’s it.

he went to his room first to clean himself up a bit, and then grabbed a taxi to go to your shared apartment. arriving at the front door, he takes out his copy of the key and entered.

first thing he noticed while entering and taking off his shoes was that the apartment was dark and quiet. he made his way to the kitchen first and turned on its lights to check the fridge. in the fridge laid the food you made for him earlier today. he took it out to start heating it up in the microwave then he walks away from the food and to your bedroom.

quietly opening the door, he poked his head in to see you laying on your side with your back facing the door. he assumed you were asleep and gently closed the door to not wake you up. he made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. 

you, feeling the bed dip, slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with the sight of your boyfriend gingerly brushing his fingertips across your cheekbones. he notices that you’re awake and looks up to meet your eyes.

making eye contact with him, you quietly grunted and brought the blanket up to cover your face while turning your entire body to the other side to ignore him. aizawa sighed and brought his hand down to rest on your waist as he begins talking.

“yn... i know you’re.. mad at me for the things i said to you earlier, but i’m truly sorry. i know saying i didn’t mean it isn’t good enough for you to forgive me, but i want you to know i’m really really sorry. i’ve been so busy for the past few days, my head is all over the place, seeing you at school just got me overthinking and worried that i ended up saying things about you that’s not true at all. i love you so much, hun. you’re the best thing to happen to me. you don’t have to forgive me now, i understand if you want some space.”

it was silent for some time after he finished his apology. the echoing silence was slowly making aizawa worried that you’ll leave him, but he won’t tell you that. thinking that you wanted space, he lifted his shaky hand off of your waist and moved to get off of the bed when you suddenly grabbed onto his hand to keep him there.

“i...i told you the day before that i was going to be visiting you during lunch time. did you not remember? or even hear me tell you?”

aizawa situated himself back down onto the bed before replying. “if i’m being honest, i don’t really remember much of that day at all. my brain was occupied with work and rest, so i was practically drained by the end of the night. i’m sorry i took it out on you, it’s my fault for overworking when i know you’ve been trying to help.”

letting out a soft sigh, you turned your body back towards him. still holding onto his hand, you carefully slotted your fingers in between his and pulled him down to lay with you. he immediately found comfort in this and placed his head into your neck. you could feel his facial hair against your skin making you let out a quiet giggle.

“i love you. i know you have a habit to overwork since that’s all you did before we dated, but please shou, take care of yourself. im not talking physically, cuz you’re already so damn fine, but mentally. i hate seeing you bury yourself in work and training that it even makes me tired just watching you.”

he grumbled something against your neck - his usual reaction to you complimenting him - and held onto you tighter while putting light kisses on your collarbone.

“i know. i will. please bear with me, i know i’m a pain but i’ll always try to be my best for you. i’m never letting you go, love you too much for that.”

“hmm? who said i’m going? you’re stuck with me forever just so you know,” you laughed and patted his head before rising from the bed.

“i heard you heating up the food earlier. get up and come eat,” you tugged aizawa to get him off the bed.

he grumbled once again because he was being forced to leave the warm comfort of your shared bed, but followed you out anyway holding onto your hand.

“wait. you heard me entering? so you were pretending to sleep when i got here?! not funny, babe. not funny. -also don’t take sleep for granted. i did and look where that got me. stop laughing!”

bonus:

it was the next day and aizawa just finished passing out the grades he rushed grading yesterday. even though it was rushed, he was confident that there wasn’t any mistakes-

“aizawa sensei, you marked this question wrong when it’s right. this one too. and this other one on the last page. are you trying to fail me?!” denki dramatically wailed as he showed aizawa his papers.

guess he did make mistakes after all.

#written with love - ar #the one student was bkg <3 #all of my writing always turn out longer than intended u_u #might start adding wc #aizawa ily u can call me clingy i do not care #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa headcanons #aizawa scenario #aizawa shouta headcanons #aizawa shouta x gn reader #aizawa x gn reader #aizawa angst #aizawa fluff #aizawa imagine #bnha x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha angst #bnha fluff #mha x reader #mha x gender neutral reader #mha angst #mha fluff

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #ushijima x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu daddies #LOL #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi haijime x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #atsumu miya #ratsumu #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu reader insert #requests

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

#Anonymous #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #black cat anon

[antia-calviz]

hi! i am a ridiculously huge fan of you art. just want to ask about your creative process and what advice you’d give to those trying to find an art style or start out digitally? any tips really on creating digital art! (and lastly, your most recent artwork of the handler blows my goddamn mind, the colours, the style, everything, it’s perfect)

hello! thank u so much thats so sweet! ill answer in parts!

creative process:

i think most times i think some shit up and i save an unhealthy amount of reference pictures, and based on that i try to figure out a cool/harmonious composition. i think the most important part in my process is mapping out the basic shapes / silhouettes, cuz its a “quick” way of knowing if yr design will work, like if it’s visually engaging. it’s gotta work from the silhouette stage. then i pretty much just fill in the details (face, lineart, clothes, BGs, etc).

art style:

art style comes on its own tbh. developing an art style has more to do with experimenting with stylistic and aesthetic choices so dont be afraid to try out different styles and tecnhiques! i cant stress this enough though, style is not as important as hard drawing skills like anatomy, lighting and color theory. id say start with the “boring” stuff and work your way from there! it will make your art exponentially better. master those pillars and then go crazy, go stupid.

digital art tips (ill do my best): 

theres’ a lot of hardware out there, ive only ever used Wacom and theyre really good! the simplest wacom tablet is guaranteed to do the trick and last for YEARS on end

try to not break/lose your tablet pen. theyre expensive

if you can, try out different software! tbh i only use photoshop cuz im a pussy and Clip studio scares me BUT please try different programs

WEAR GLASSES. even if you dont regularly need them, get you a pair of screen glasses cuz vision deteriorates quickly (been there done that), protect yr eyes

experiment with layers and blending modes! its really fun and you can achieve some crazy stuff by using them, dont b scared of em (i was)

if your software offers tools like 3D models, or some other stuff that will make drawing easier, USE THEM. it’s not cheating, and it will save you a lot of time and frustration

if your computer can take it, work in 600 dpi resolution at least (just learned this the hard way recently)

when doing personal work draw stuff you ENJOY drawing, pick things you can look at for 6+ hours without getting sick of it

try to practice on the tablet as often as possible, do it regularly, not only to keep growing/improving, but especially to maintain the progress youve made

draw things that scare you. most times its just a mental barrier, youll be fine even if you think its shit the first time. just keep going

progress is not lineal. sometimes youll like the result, sometimes you won’t and that normal and healthy. be prepared for that

when analyzing/critiquing your own work, pretend it’s somebody else’s. youll be more honest with yourself and less destructive

KILL YOUR DARLINGS, dont get attached to drawings. if you dont like something / a sketch is not working, it’s better to ditch it and start over

dont be too hard on yourself, and have fun!! 

this ended up being really long! i hope it helps! <3

#ask

[softhospital]

I dont mind if you want to tag stuff that's triggering potentially (I just don't think it should be tagged as body horror) and im not trying to sound mean at all but also part of sympathy and empathy is realizing that your own fear of another person's injuries or physical body shouldn't overshadow how THEY feel and the fact that they might not want people reacting with fear toward them no matter how real or valid that fear may be? I would suggest tagging stuff like "broken bones" or "trauma" as in physical trauma you know ? Maybe that will help some people? Cuz, I get not wanting to look at straight g*re but thats not what we are talking about, also people need to realize that this IS a medical blog and you are allowed to post what you want and newsflash--people need medical treatment usually because something is either physically or mentally wrong with them it's not strictly a cleancore-adjacent aesthetic for people to say "ooh pretty pictures of hospital beds" (but if that's how you want to run your blog, that's totally valid and up to you, but people need to remember that the medical world isn't all sunshine and rainbows and for an "aesthetic" ....so whether you tag or however you tag is ultimately up to you, so I hope you don't stress yourself out trying to please everyone.

yeah i understand what youre saying! i object to tagging real injuries or disabilites with body horror. i wont do that. but i think i will just avoid all of this by not posting any graphic injuries in the first place. of course. that will be my discretion and i cant know what will or wont be triggering for others (i dont think things like casts, bandages, splints etc should be an issue).

there is something fascinating about medicine to me. i like medicine. i think its really interesting. but its not for everyone. and its not what i want to post. i think its okay to avoid posting really graphic gore because that was never the intent of this blog anyway. but i agree with you for the most part. its really difficult! you cant please everyone. but its my decision to post more mild content.

you cant please everyone! so i try to use my best judgment and post what i find most interesting rather than being super edgy or too safe.

[alyfawx]

I cant keep doing this...

I cant keep up with evrything expected of me...

i lose sleep..

im in pain all the time...

I keep pushing but i feel like...

utter shit...

I hate my job but i need money...

I Dont get paid enough to pay bills and get things that i like...

I am told in different ways that im not good enough or im not doing enough...

I cant find to much happiness doing the things I love...like writing...or eating stuff I love and crave...

im worried everyday about my health but i domt have the motivation to donwhats needed to keep it leveled...

im at war just toget my insurance but they keep saying my account is still open in fucking NY and its been years of flinging to my social worker trying to figure it out and cancel it and they say they will give me the papers I need to donit but never does and because of that my mental health is getting worse and worse because its not getting treated and i try to treat my own self with research and stuff but there is so much i can do...and I considered just...going to a mental psychiatric clinic but then I cant afford that because my damn NY account in insurance keeps saying its open but me an my mom tried to get it fix and it just will not fucking close 4 years of trying this 4 fucking years and im suffering inturnally...i contemplate running away from going to work but i cant...because work equals money...i feel like a burden to my family but have no clue what else I can give to them...when im fucked up...i cant take more hours because I feel like if I did I will be lutting more stress to my body that will probably make things worse....i hate asking for help because its looked down uponed...or I feel like my problems are solo fucking little compare to others who work there god damn butts off and im here complaining I cant do a 4 hour shift for like 4 days back to back without wanting to fucking blow my brains out because everything hurts...and on top of that I seriously cant deal with the stress my mind is on when im there..."im not good enough or fast enough or im socially awkward and weird and people will look at me like i'm not trying hard enough" and that makes work for me a living fucking HELL...because everyday I wish I see people doing things more efficient then me...but if im going any more then i am doing...im stressed and anxious and like not comfortable... and i just try to keep those thoughts down...but there is a point where I just cant even bother because my mind is so hard to shut off...once it gets going...i Don t know what to do anymore...im starting to feel like...hopeless...helpless because theres so much expactations on me...brcausr no one ilunderstands...no one wants too...and when they try they just say you just got to do it...its life...it I get compared to better off people mentally...stonger people...thats even with there struggles they can do it...im not one of those people and i dont think I'll ever be in my current situation...and honestly...u dont know what else I can do anymore...and its to the point where trying anything more then what I feel I capable of...ill push myself too much and I'll snap...and do something stupid just to get out of it...but I fight that thought...everyday...because of these expactations and people who love me...and I try to convince myself it will get better but im exhausted...this fight is draining me...and I want everything to change already...its want a fucking merical...something to get me out of this rut im in...because I juat cant do this anymore...im fighting and im still not giving up but im afraid that...oneday I wont be me anymore and that protection of fighting will break and then...it will be to late...

I will try with every fiber of my being to keep that fight...and fight...but theres just so much you can take when your in this low rut...that comes up and down and up and down...and up and down like a figging roller coaster...and sometimes its just...unable to keep those ups for very long...and I lie to myself to keep fighting...but im to the point where...i just...cant keep doing that....an I need help...and thats gonna worry people...and I try to keep this to myself...and even now after writing this im regretting this...but this is needed to come out...i am not okay...im not normal...im dying inside everyday...this is serious...please help me...and I know...thats hard to hear for some people...and you guys just probably want the Ally before she went through trauma...and you just want to think lightly of me...and that im fine and content...and I want her back too...i try to keep her...but theres times I just cant and shes so far away ...and I wont be ending my life...but...im just...not okay...and idk what to tell anyone...cuz I have no clue how to fix it on my own...its hard to keep up this mask...that I hide...but the mask is crumbling...i cant keep it together for much longer...

I wish I was okay...but im not...and I really dont know what else I can do anymore...

I try to keep a content mindset...but...unfortonatly I really can't...i hope I get out of it...i want to be okay...but im not okay...and I domt want it to get it to thr point where I cant recover...so please if you can help me in anyway...please...do....its a mess up here...and by tomorrow im sure...ill act like im okay and the way i am is fine because I don't every time...don't listen to me...i need all the help and support and love and understanding I can get...but dont freak out because when you freak out im freaking out and that stresses me out more....just approach me with a calm state of mind...and try your best to help me...and forgive me if it doesnt sink in to me quickly...i need patiants and lots of it...not frustration...not being told im not. trying hard enough because that will make me feel resentful and that isnt good for anything... not for me and not for the help...so please if anyone can help me out...its appreciated...

[phuvioqhile]

Is there anything you need to rant about? Feel free to use this space to do so

maybe? just gonna put it under the cut because this is not going to make any sense at all <3

i’m kinda in a laidback-but-still-stressed-out mood these days. like in my mind i’ve genuinely stopped giving a fuck about the world burning around me but at the same time i’m super stressed about shit too?? what the fuck??  

my exams get over on the 12th and then i have a break for 9 days. i’ve been begging for a break from college for MONTHS now, i should be excited about that, but i’m not? i’ve lost interest in things i was looking forward to do, yes even reading books is becoming difficult? like what the hell will i do for 9 days? i hope this feeling goes away once i’m on break.

i also don’t know if this is the right career path for me. i don’t have interest in anything and i’m not good enough to pursue something else. literally what the fuck am i doing wasting my time AND money studying. i think about dropping out everyday lol.

i was planning on going out a bit, but guess what there’s a fourth wave of covid and i live in the red zone of my state. yay! how fun! another fucking lockdown because some stupid ass bitches didn’t wear their masks. 

ngl this entire covid situation is freaking me out a bit, i’m feeling super paranoid. i know i should be thankful that i have the basic necessities but i don’t think i can handle another few months of staying at home. before the pandemic i was giving my board exams and i didn’t get out for the entire second half of 2019. i’m really tired and disappointed. by the looks of it, covid here is not gonna go away anytime soon because of poor governance + less resources, i hate it here. 

also my country is literally running out of vaccines heLP, my parents were supposed to get vaccinated and they had to wait in the hospital for two hours only to be told that they fucking ran out of vaccines what the fuck????? no cuz this stupid fucking government wants to waste money on building temples rather than fund healthcare. fuck this sanghi government

i fought with my sister. though the fight was silly, i feel bad sometimes when she does stuff like this. she’s not talking to me now and thats a bit unreasonable i guess but maybe i’m wrong. i should just stop talking irl  

i’m tired, these past three years have fucked me up mentally. i don’t think i’ve ever had such unhealthy thoughts. dark thoughts are scary and confusing. i feel guilty for existing sometimes. its so confusing i can’t explain what i feel most of the times. 

my brain feels heavy and sometimes i feel like i’m not really present you know? its like i’m floating somewhere in between. i am treating my body wrong, i should be taking care of myself but i’m not because lol sometimes i really don’t care about myself. i feel tired and sleepy but hate sleeping because every fucking day is the same, i think i may have some form of sleep anxiety. but hey i still dream of love and all other nice things. though i know that its a bit toxic to think that every problem will vanish once i am in the arms of my lover, but ya girl needs unhealthy scenarios to cope with her shitty reality.  

before you say that i need a therapist - i know. i fucking know but online therapy won’t work for me and i’ll have to travel almost an hour to find good (but super fucking expensive) therapists. its sad. 

but i’ll be okay because i’m probably overreacting about stuff, theres still a tiny bit hope. i still want to see beautiful mountains and flowers.

#honestly just don't read this #don't read it #cuz now i feel like i overreacted in the moment #tw sad thoughts #tw vent #tw mental health #yeah also fuck the sanghi bjp government #okay bye

[kuladia-a]

this is really long and heavy um tw for a lot of things mainly mental illness and disability and related stuff and honestly its not necessary at all to read im just mostly saying it to make sense of things for my personal benefit

the important take away is that im going to be archiving this blog and i wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s written with me here even though i havent written or posted very much here ksdjlf

for months i have just been getting more and more frustrated with myself and my writing, it feels like the things i write don’t make sense and i’m always unsatisfied i can never manage to live up to my own expectations?? i used to write kinda good i think at least i wasnt always so unhappy with what i produced but every time i log on here and try to draft or respond to something it’s jsut so frustrating and embarrassing because it is so Bad

and tbh its been following a self dissatisfaction ive been having for months, in general i suck at articulating and talking and being clear. i dont really know how to start interactions on this blog or irl and i am so awkward and make a fool out of myself every time i try to reach out to people, and so much stuff has been going on in my personal life that has been really stressing me out and making everything worse

and it’s a bit dumb of me to unload here but i don’t have anyone really i think i can talk to about stuff like this and i wont be coming back on here so idk. fuck it i guess. it’s weird bc the rpc is where ive made a lot of friends despite how hard it is for me to make friends. and i’ve made a lot of good ones and i love them all so much and im super grateful for those moments where i feel successful like im actually doing things right and accepted and welcomed by other ppl. but i also have a lot of setbacks and rn ive just sort of hit that point where i dont think its even worth trying anymore.

i dont get anything i dont get starting conversations or continuing them or making friends or understanding when someone is your friend or just being polite or how much to say about something before it gets annoying nd its useless to think abt but i really hate being autistic i just wish that i was normal. ive tried a lot of stuff recently like dumb stuff like herbal supplements and shit just cuz i rly rly wanna change and i kinda was like let me at least exhaust all my options but . well like obviously those dont work and like. i guess it is what it is thats what this disorder does it ruins your ability to connect with other people. i cant really change my not understanding social cues or. all the annoying stuff i do and dont even realize til people point it out

talking to people and sharing things i think and things i’ve done and putting myself out there feels so paralyzing. and i have been trying to act like everything is fine bc i thought maybe if i did things would work themselves out and be fine but that isn’t happening. living itself just kinda feels like its crushing me at this point like it’s kind of a lot of constant pain and i just. need one less source of humiliation i think.

so like yeah long story short im not going to be on this blog anymore. i might log on every now and again jsut bc i like reading my mutuals writing i love all the stuff you come up with and to see it you are all incredible writers and storytellers. but im not posting or roleplaying anymore. if u have my discord we can still talk if u want but im not gonna be doing anything here

#negative tw #ooc

[bigskydreaming]

I’m three seconds away from a full on mental breakdown on any given day, every given day, and literally the only reason I haven’t yet is because I know that I just fucking fundamentally CANT AFFORD TO, like, that’ll be it, I just can not fucking afford to just collapse in bed and curl up and just.....let myself buckle under the constant pressure and stress I’ve been under for god knows how long, because even a fucking DAY for that, let alone two days or three, like....that’ll just be that much more in the way of expenses I can’t even pay NOW let alone if I miss one or more days of potential work. 

And so I keep going and keep going and I haven’t slept in like two days as is because I’m busting my balls trying to make all the money I need this week even though I KNOW damn well I can’t POSSIBLY do it, that its an impossible goal, like its not even that much money in the grand scheme of things but it might as well be thousands more considering the likelihood of me actually being able to make it and yet I keep burning myself out, using up everything I dont even HAVE to use as it is because I literally cant do anything else like there’s nothing else to do, my only other options are that or just...stopping, and I just cant do that, its not in me. And so I spend every hour of every day tired and stressed and pissed off and pound out a few angry posts on tumblr every time I take an hour or two off from work because I HAVE to, because I’m so stressed and angry my hands are literally shaking and I can’t focus on work because I keep getting distracted by how fucking much I just hate everything right now and I gotta just vent SOMETHING out before I can even get back to work because I feel like a slow pressure cooker that’s been building up pressure and steam and whatever for twenty five fucking years and I have to relieve some of that pressure, I have to vent it to try and keep it from getting to be too much but its not enough, its never enough. And the punchline is it really does feel like there’s this sense of urgency, like Im running out of time, but its not cuz its like all building to some kind of dramatic finish, its not like I’m gonna just fucking EXPLODE at any point once the pressure finally builds up too much, Im not gonna DO anything, its like the complete opposite. Its like...Im scared that one day I’m just gonna wake up and just be like...done. Even though I dont want to be, like Ill still want to get out of bed and work and try and do all the things I need to do and FIX shit, do the stuff that I’ve spent all this time working towards so I can finally have some kind of LIFE something thats not just a never ending cycle of get up, work, eat, sleep, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, over and over....I just won’t be able to. Like I’ll be all used up, nothing left, I’ve tapped it all, no more fuel in the tank. That’s what I’m afraid of and that’s why I’m so. fucking. mad. all. the. time. because I dont want that, its the last thing I want and Im afraid nothing I can do can stop that from becoming a reality and that just makes me more pissed off and like...fuck. I dont have big asks, I dont have big dreams, I dont want that much, and it just makes me more mad how pathetically small my wildest fantasies are right now and how unreachable they are anyway, even when, haha, funny joke, they’re all things that aren’t inherently impossible or out of reach they’re just ENOUGH out of reach that its like the universe fucking mocking me with what I want but will never get. 

I want a fucking jaw that works. I want a day where my head doesn’t feel like its gonna split out of my skull. I want to be able to watch or read something and just ZONE out and relax for the hour that takes without being distracted half the time anyway because shouldnt I be working right now, I want to not have to worry every. fucking. day. about having a roof over my head tomorrow, if this will be the night I end up sleeping on the street again, I want to not have to have a friend check I’ve eaten every day and not gone a couple days without eating just to have an extra twenty bucks towards rent, I want to be able to walk in a straight line without falling over, to be able to go outside and TALK to people, to fucking exercise again, because fuck, I never went to the gym because of muscles, exercise is one of the only non medication things that actually gets my brain working right, keeps me motivated and my stress down and without it Im stuck relying twice as much on medication that gets less and less effective every day because of my stupid fucking metabolism like hahaha great I have a skinny waist, thats really helpful in my celibate hermitage you know what I’d like even more though? 

BEING ABLE TO FUCKING USE THE MEDS THAT MAKE MY BRAIN ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE FOR MORE THAN THREE HOURS AT A TIME BEFORE THEY WEAR OFF AND I GOTTA POP ANOTHER ONE. I have all these things I want to do and NONE of them are big, none of them are OUT there, like, I just want to fucking be able to write and tell stories and go to the movies every now and then and I cant fucking do any of that because my entire fucking goddamn life is nothing but a never ending cycle of spending every waking moment and every ounce of energy and willpower on just fucking staying alive, and not even so I can do any of those things, do anything that matters, no, just to KEEP doing the same shit over and over and over without actually going anywhere, getting any closer to my goals, like I’ve stalled or made it as far as this fucking anchor around my ankle will let me go or there’s just this fucking wall in my way and that’s it, doesn’t matter how far I acme to get here thats as far as I get, everything I try to get past it, to keep going, it all just ends up being just barely enough to keep me right where I am, treading water, not dragged back and having to do it all over again at least but what difference does it make when this is as far as I can get and Im fucking STUCK and THIS, HERE does me no fucking good, like what the fuck is that even? 

And I know that there’s no answer to that, I know there’s no fucking point, it just is what it is, things just happen and that’s all, that’s the entire punchline of my entire fucking goddamn soap opera trainwreck of a life and every stupid fucking thing thats ever happened, there is no point, there is no WHY, it just fucking HAPPENED and if I had the tools to get past that fucking wall, I could DEAL with that, I could make my peace with that, but stuck on this side of it not being able to go any further I just can’t wrap my head around it, I cant accept it, I cant be okay with something thats true whether or not Im okay with it, and I KNOW all that and so Im stuck. Im stuck being tired and Im stuck being angry and Im angry I’m tired and I’m tired of being angry and it just keeps going and going and Im afraid thats all its ever gonna do, is keep going and going and going until I just...run out of steam. Dont reblog please. I just needed to fucking scream this somewhere other than my head so my head can maybe shut up about it and try a new song for a change.

[rotten-sunflower]

mental health and these experiments at my uni

so, my uni has experiments for studies that you are supposed to take part in and tbf, I really like them. one the one hand, I like to schedule sth to fill up my day, take my thoughts of things, give me a little structure and something to feel accomplished about. also, a lot of these experiments are really interesting and I like to try out new things this way. we are supposed to collect 130 points or so in all of our bachelor and now, in the first half of the second semester I am basically already finished with it. 

usually, since you have to pretty concentrated in an experiment, Id really focus on it and forget everything else for an hour or two. recently, that somehow changed. 

there have been 2 incidents already, when I started feeling dissociated WHILE in an experiment and really had to pull myself back “into my body”. so far, I really have no idea where this feeling of dissociation comes from, if it is from stress or sth because really, in these situations I wasn't particularly stressed, just really trying to be focused.

now, while dissociation in those situations is certainly annoying, its really sth that I can kinda deal with it.

then, recently I was to two experiments that really required a lot of concentration, because they tracked your eye movements and you really need to be all in you to control where your eyes are going and be absolutely 100% concentrated. in the experiments, I really dont know why, but it just didnt work. I think it is because I needed to be so focused and couldnt be unconcentrated for one second, that it was even harder to concentrate. 

in 2 instances, my thoughts just like.. overrolled me. suddenly, while I was supposed to focus on my eye movements and do some brain exercise, my thoughts just like ran away and out of my control. suddenly, I was contemplating my situation in my brain and one time, I suddenly thought about sth my fp said like a week ago or so and it was something that you could see negative, but so far I kinda managed to look more or less calm at it but then in that situation, in front of that eye tracker, I suddenly had all bad thoughts about it, like all the bad things, all these abandonment issues came all at once. I really tried to fight back, telling myself that I would think about that later, after the experiment ended, but it somehow didnt work. I tried really hard to focus on that experiment and somehow got my concentration at least partly back but I could tell that I was less focused and scored worse in the exercise.

then, this 2nd experiment had kinda been hard since the start. already at the first session, when I went there, I felt like I wasn't really fit for it or just generally bad at the exercise. 2nd session was equally bad and this 3rd session was when my thoughts completely ran off. each time I went there I was at most at 60% of my mental state and accordingly unconcentrated and exhausted. each time, I thought that next time I go there, I want to have slept enough and be in a better state mentally to actually be like completely at my whole capacity there. but I was always so low mentally.

so then, after the 3rd session, the experiment leader told me that we won't continue, cuz I like wasn't fit for that exercise and she gave me part of the points and also said some people are just not fit. I honestly dont mind this that much since the sessions there were a pain in the ass anyway and gave me headaches. and after all, I got some points there.

but I know, even though this exercise was difficult, I could've done it if I was more focused and more there mentally. I know myself, I know I can accomplish hard things when I really focus on it and give 100%. I could've done this. I know it. but every session, I was so low and felt like I was not really myself in that moment that I fucked it all up. 

I really dont like this. I want to be my old self, that can force myself to concentrate, that can accomplish hard things, that is ambitious and self disciplined enough to actually do things. now I feel so fragile and so low and like just everything is so too much for me.

its kinda the same in class; sometimes I do manage to focus on only class for the whole 1.5 hrs but thats not the normal case. usually, I try really hard to focus, concentrate for a few minutes, zoom out then again into bad thoughts and contemplating my issues, force myself back to concentrate on class. that way, my notes are always inconsistent; a few pages I took all good notes, then its a few pages missing when I was thinking about other stuff, then note pages again and so on. 

I am really trying but sometimes I feel like im legit unable to focus on class for the whole lesson. I just cant do it. my mind won't go along with it. after a while, it zooms out again. 

and its like this in experiments as well. I really try but like sometimes trying is not enough when you rly should do sth and accomplish sth and not just try to.

also, there is studies where you just need to fill in like a questionnaire about a certain thing. and recently I felt like I wasn't really “fit” to participate in these studies. like these studies wanna find out correlations or trends in things for the average person, so for normal people, mentally healthy people. I cant fill out a questionnaire about stress without my anxiety influencing a lot of my answers. my mental illness just interferes with so many things in these studies and I feel like its not really me and its not really what these studies are searching for. 

all these issues with experiments are not really that serious since im gonna be done with the experiments im obliged to do pretty soon anyways but

I think im just realising that like mental illness really impacts every part of your life.

It doesn't just come when your alone at home at night, its everywhere all the time. I cant run from it and now its creeping into places where I thought id be safe from it. 

#mental #mental health #mentally ill #mental illness #experiment #experiments #study #studies #uni #university #participate #bpd #abandonment issue #ad #a #d #anxiety #depression #mood #mood swings #suicide #suicidal #thought #thoughts #feelings #run #flee #haunt #pain #hurt