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#but that line makes it for me. he is calm. he awaits death. he wants it.
nrdmssgs · 4 months
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Pieces of him
Masterlist Part 2
Pairing: Nikto x f reader Angst Reader goes KIA
Thank you @amongthe141 for encouraging me for writing more for this guy. I am sorry if angst is not what you expected.
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If it wasn't for König - the squad would never decide, who should deliver the news. They tried to avoid Nikto outside their missions even on good days - so obviously nobody wanted to risk now. While others argued in the main meeting room - their Colonel raised from his chair and quietly left.
He skipped training rooms, a few common areas and a cafeteria, heading straight to her room. After all, what a Colonel would König be, if didn't know his men.
A corridor was almost empty if not for one man, leaning against the wall next to her door. When König up to him - he was greeted by an ice cold stare right through him.
"She's not coming back, isn't she?" Niktos voice was unusually hollow and detached.
Colonel held back an urge to just silently nod – his soldier deserved to know the truth. The full version of it. Three letters hung up in the air and the corridor drowned in a death silence.
Everybody awaited some kind of explosion: Niktos raged shouts, punches being thrown, maybe something being torn apart. But as the minutes stretched into hours – the base remained at peace and silence.
The squad decided to take turns watching him, but Nikto seemed calm, even relaxed. On the next morning he was sitting in the cafeteria at his usual place, rolling his meds between ungloved fingers, and even whistling something to himself. He looked uncannily peaceful, ignoring attempts of others to be soft and friendly to him.
“Hey buddy, how are you? Want to talk?”
At first, he didn’t respond, didn’t even look up. Only his knee, that started rhythmically bouncing, gave away the fact, that he heard the questions.
“About what? Her being offed on a battlefield? Well, shit happens, I guess. Don’t see anything to discuss here.” Nikto was never a sentimental one, but such a reaction was too ignorant even for him. Yet nobody dared to push him.
As days passed, the situation didn’t seem to change: despite fears of others, Nikto remained visibly unbothered. He worked and trained as usual, only rarely losing concentration in favor of some never-ending inner monologue, he conducted almost inaudibly.
There were no cracks in this man’s demeanor, and that scared his colleagues, who knew, that Nikto didn’t just lose a squadmate – he lost the only person, he has let closer than others. Usually, it was her who approached him when others didn’t want to risk it. She could calm him down, make him laugh, reason him, and keep him in line. In return he followed her everywhere, his shadow always somewhere around her feet. Nobody knew what exactly was going on between her and Nikto, but everyone felt that the real storm is yet to come.
Still, when it finally happened – it felt unexpected. The company made sure to keep others in a relative safety and König revised Niktos weapon stashes after every mission and training. They all waited, till Nikto snapped at them, when he started a fight with someone completely other.
One evening he disappeared from the base. There were no traces, as if the man just vanished. They searched his room for any evidence and found nothing. The Colonel watched leaning against the wall, as others looked for any clue in every corner of the room for a fifth time in a row.
“It’s useless. If Andre doesn’t want to be found – it would take much more than just a room check,” muttered someone and König turned his head to the voice.
After a few minutes the Colonel dismissed others and left Niktos room. He didn’t go back to his office – instead König turned in the opposite direction, to her room, that was still locked after her death.
Hesitating on the threshold, König turned the key and the door opened. Her room looked as if she could come back any moment now, if not for one disturbing detail: the floor behind the door was covered with a pile of pieces of paper. They came in every size: from almost a full A4, to tiniest pieces, not larger than a candy wrapper. There were so many of them, that some got stuck under the door even.
König leaned down and started collecting paper. It took him some time because he was trying to be as careful as possible. He already noticed that every single piece was covered with writing: frantic uneven handwriting alternated with legible, just as if different people were writing all the notes, that were pushed under her door.
When every last piece was in his hands – König sat at her desk and started reading. The messages didn’t vary so much, so by the seventh piece of paper the Colonel already had more or less a whole mental image of what really was going on behind Niktos mask these days.
“You’re a failure, you know? You had one job – to stay alive. You failed.”
“Been on a firing range – still shoot better than you, loser. You owe me a beer.”
“They served you favorite apples today. Those yellow ones, that have like no taste whatsoever. I took the last one, so that you don’t get it.”
“I hate you. Fucking failure. Loser.”
“How about you grow a pair and answer me one fucking time?”
“Stop hiding behind that silent treatment. It’s not ‘friendly’ – its useless and you will never make a point like that.”
“Get mad already! Shout at me!”
“Or fine – stay silent, but at least have some decency and slap my face for this shitshow!”
“I’m still better than you at everything. Get fucking mad!”
“One job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job one job and you failed it.”
“Get mad at me. At us.”
“We didn’t take the meds. Not today, not yesterday, not a week ago. Go out and show us. Me. Us.”
“Please. We can’t do it without you. Please. Shout at us, break our faces.”
“Go out of that damned room. Please. Please.”
“Come back to us.”
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saylorsaysstop · 6 months
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Scared | Stephen Strange x Fem!Reader
a/n: i needed a lil bit of angst and also wanted a first-time dad!Stephen fic so... i combined them. here you go 😭
warnings: bit of angst, talks of childbirth (nothing explicit), anxiety
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The hours seemed to tick on forever. Another few nerve-stricken paces and Stephen Strange was positive he’d burn a hole into the linoleum floors. 
As a surgeon, he had never been nervous performing a procedure. He was the greatest neurosurgeon out there and no one could take away his title. His calm reserve, his steady hand. He was quintessentially perfect. Anxiety didn’t grip him in its vice. 
Until the accident. He finally was made aware of his emotions and how delicate he truly could become. He discovered his unwavering ability to exhaust emotion; tears, sadness, happiness, love. It all came like a tidal wave upon his metaphorical shoreline when you happened. When you walked into his life, he discovered that he could feel all of those emotions, sometimes all at once. But fear was the least felt. 
Until today. Today he felt fear. He never wanted to experience such a cruel emotion but as he watched you writhe in pain and cry for him to make it stop while knowing this was one problem he couldn’t solve with the wave of his hand, that nature must take its course, he grew scared. He had been waiting for this moment ever since those two lines appeared on the pregnancy test, after the initial shock of oh wow, I’m going to be a dad after not wanting kids, and today in the delivery room, mournful that he couldn’t be more for you than just a hand to squeeze and a shoulder to cry on… and bite. He wasn’t expecting teeth marks on his skin today, but he’d let you do it a million times over if it meant he could get you through this.
“You’re doing so good, baby. I promise. It’s almost over.” he had encouraged you with both hands clasped through yours, his body leaning over the edge of the bed as you worked through every single ache and pain. You held him like a vice until you were dizzy, his voice the only thing holding you to the bed. You blocked out the voices of the doctors, nurses, you only desired Stephen’s encouragement through such a trauma as this.
And when the pain ceased and you felt a sudden emotion of emptiness, the one thing that only you had held on the inside for nine months was extracted from your being, you felt numb. 
Stephen held you tightly, awaiting that glorious sound all parents mewled about. His hands were trembling in yours as he waited, and waited, and waited. 
“Come on, sweetheart. Cry.” Stephen whispers to a little girl who couldn’t hear him. “What’s going on?” he demands, using the voice he reserved for the operating room. 
He hears the doctor and nurse's correspondence. 
“Fluid in the lungs” - “Can’t breathe” - “Lips are blue”. 
Quickly, his mind whirred and he knew what was happening. His baby girl had entered the world essentially lifeless. He turns to you, feeling as you force yourself up in the hospital bed by way of his arm. You clutch his forearm in a death grip despite your strength having been drained, the wave of adrenaline pulsing through your veins as you struggle to overhear. 
“What is going ON?!” you scream at the top of your lungs, pain surging throughout your limbs. You were a brand new mother who hadn’t got to see your daughter’s face and more importantly hear her cry. 
“Honey, I need you to lie back down,” Stephanie coaxes, kissing your forehead that was slick with sweat. You look up at your husband whose eyes are fixated on you. “Take some breaths for me, alright?” He knows you’re on the verge of panic so he quickly reaches above the hospital bed to grab the oxygen mask. 
“Stephen!” you exclaim, lungs aching. He shushes you and closes his hands around yours. He wouldn’t dare let his resolve down, not now. You needed him more than ever and he couldn’t let you see him fall apart, even though he wanted to bombard those working on his baby and the cause. 
“She’s going to be okay. We’ve got to let them look at her.” He smothers his face against your hair, reaches up, and strokes your scalp, “That’s my girl, nice deep breaths. I need you to stay calm for her. Can you do that for our little girl, sweetheart?” 
You nod your head. Your ears were ringing so loud after she came out that you didn’t overhear what Stephen did. 
“I-I’m scared,” you blubber. 
Stephen can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes. I am too, baby. I am too he thinks to himself. 
“There’s no need to be scared. I’ll be scared for us both.” Stephen kisses your temple before moving to your lips, tasting the saltwater tears that had fallen to your mouth. 
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That was hours ago. Stephen continued to pace the floors. The last he heard was that his daughter was being taken to the NICU for further observation and to be stabilized. Fortunately, Christine had stopped by a few times to check in. She of course had no updates for the two of you, but she was there as a means of emotional support. Each time she snuck in quietly, she’d find a pacing Stephen who she only sighed at. 
“Have you sat down?” Christine whispered, seeing as you were finally asleep. Stephen shakes his head as Christine grabs his hand, forcing him to stop. “Stephen. You need to sit.” she leads him to the chair but he shakes his head.
“No, Christine, I need–,”
“To be a supportive husband and great father. You can’t do that when youre footprints are embedded into the floor.” she chuckles quietly but turns serious upon seeing his wary expression. She licks her lips and sighs. “If that little girl is anything like you? She won’t give up. She’ll be a fighter. But she needs a father who can remain strong for her… You can’t stay strong if you’re exhausting yourself. The same goes for her,” Christine looks over at you. “She needs you to lean against during this which means she needs you relaxed and alert. But pacing won’t do anything.”
Stephen draws in a sharp breath and finally takes a seat upon Christine’s pushing of his shoulders. She smiles at him and pats his shoulder. 
“Everything’s going to be okay, Stephen.”
He sure hoped so. “Thank you,” he nods his head, appreciative of her friendship despite their past. He squeezes her hand just before she removes it from his shoulder. 
“Try and squeeze in a cat nap. You’ll feel better.” 
He chuckles, knowing sleep was out of the question entirely. But rather than arguing with her, he nods his head in agreement. When Christine left and Stephen was left alone with his thoughts, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine him finally holding his daughter, and how relief would wash over him the moment he could see her. That’s how he managed to close his eyes and relax. He did it for his two girls. You and that precious little one fighting upstairs. 
An hour or so later, when the door to your room opened, Stephen’s eyes bolted open and he was up on his feet in seconds. The woman who delivered your daughter enters the room, pushing a tiny glass cart. Stephen’s heart thudded wildly in his chest, realization washing over him at just who this sweet little visitor could be.
“Hi, Dad,” the doctor whispers. 
Stephen gasped quietly at the sight, that relief he clung to after Christine left washing over him. “How is she?” he asks. 
“She scared us there for a little while.. she came so fast that she swallowed some fluid on the way out, but she’s perfectly healthy. I didn’t want to wake Mom up. I know she’s been anxious, but would you like to hold your little girl?”
Stephen felt a rush of emotion. He never wanted kids. He thought they were irritabilities, tiny humans who would annoy him forever. He was one of those people who when the kid ran around the dinner table in a restaurant after being told to stop, would smirk when they finally smacked their forehead against the surface. Christine normally always kicked him in the shin under the table and then you started doing it when you began dating. But that all changed the morning you approached him with trembling hands and a positive pregnancy test. 
“Yes, please,” Stephen whispers, looking over at you. He was grateful you had finally succumbed to the clutches of sleep. He wasn’t sure how much longer you could keep going, as you were nearing 48 hours of no sleep at all. 
The doctor smiles and motions him to sit in the chair beside your bed. She rolls the glass cart over to him and looks down at the sleeping bundle. “She didn’t get to have skin-to-skin with Y/N so would you like to do that? She can do it also when she wakes up, but we find that skin-to-skin holds many benefits.”
Stephen nods his head as the doctor lists the positives such as bonding, regulation of body temperature, and heart rate, among others, tears burning the corners of his eyes. He quickly unbuttons his shirt and pulls it open, his heart racing even faster when the doctor carefully picks up his daughter and leads her to his chest. She rests the baby on top of him and immediately, Stephen feels like a brand new man. The softness and warmth of her skin against his made his serotonin level skyrocket and caused more tears to freely fall. 
“Congratulations, Dad,” she whispers in the dimly lit room. “We just fed her in the nursery but when Mama wakes up, we’ll let her try feeding her. Call if you need anything,” 
Stephen nods his head and watches the doctor leave, gently closing the door behind her. He looks down at the new life snuggled against him. Her eyes peel open, naturally blue irises glassy as she moves her lips. Stephen could already see you within her. Her sweet little nose, the curl of her lips. He took a small peek under the hat, the tiniest wisps of brown hair visible, sending the new father into a chokehold. 
“Oh, my darling girl,” Stephen coos. “You gave Mommy and I quite the scare today… Yes, you did. But I’m so glad you’re here. Do you know who I am? You’ve heard my voice every single day… Whether I was telling you and Mommy how much I love you or bickering with Wong. You’ve heard it. I’m your Daddy,” the words fall like water from his mouth and his chest tightens as he dubs himself with the title. Daddy. He’s a father. 
The baby girl gently closes her eyes, lips smacking as she remains rested on his chest. Stephen ran his fingertip up and down her spine, bewildered by how soft she was. He glances over at your sleeping form. He smiles, being the proudest he’s ever been since the day he proposed and the day he wed you. He had you to thank for all of this. His little family. The only family he’s known other than those he’s encountered on his journey. 
“My sweet Tessa… Yes, you’re my special girl, aren’t you? I promise. I may not do everything right in life but I’ll do right by you. Thank you for changing my life,” the tears flow without warning as Stephen presses his quivering lips to the side of her head, squeezing his lids shut as he snuggles her closer. You stir gently and awake to the sight of your husband holding your newborn, your heart fluttering. 
“She’s okay?” You ask hoarsely. 
Stephen’s head lifts at the noise and a smile of relief greets his face. He looked exhausted and you felt bad that he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep except for his small power nap. He wouldn’t dare miss out on anything. 
“She’s perfect, sweetheart. You did it.” 
The look of utter pride glows on his face. You feel your lungs refill with fresh air as you wince, moving to sit up gently. “Can I?” 
Stephen chuckles quietly. “How could you ask me something like that? Of course, you can. Tessa, let’s meet your beautiful Mommy, yeah? I know, I know,” he shushes her as she starts to pout her lips, a pitiful cry on the verge of slipping. Your body felt like electricity had just been shot throughout it, the excitement bubbling. 
“Here, let’s unbutton this,” Stephen holds Tessa in one arm while he helps you unbutton your hospital gown. Once your chest is exposed, Stephen places Tessa on you and you fall apart the moment you touch her. Your lips quiver and the tears spill.
“Oh my God,” you whisper, kissing her. You drew in a deep breath, Tessa’s scent making you cry even more. Stephen slips into bed beside you and carefully puts one arm around you while holding his other hand over yours that’s currently on Tessa. “S-she’s perfect,” you cry. 
Stephen wipes his eyes through a sniffle. 
“She is,” he can’t help but agree. “I’ve never seen someone so little,” 
You giggle softly, kissing her head as you lean into your husband’s chest. “We’re parents, Stephen. We have a daughter.” 
He smirks, his eyes resting on you. He leans in and kisses your lips tenderly, savoring the taste. As he pulls away, both of you turn your attention down to your newest addition, your hearts soaring over the moon.
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d1xonss · 11 days
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Desert Rose
Chapter 41 ~ Peace
✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Reader
✧ Era : Season 3
✧ Word Count : 6.4k
In this chapter ~ When the group makes a decision to fight off The Governor in a way they hadn't thought of before, they found they were successful at scaring them away. But they didn't stop there, as they wanted to make sure his men would never come back like they did before. However, a shocking death ensues, though it led to the long-awaited peace they had been craving for so long.
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Last night was tough to say the least.
It took about a half hour just for Daryl to finally break away from me, but I waited patiently, holding him close the entire time. But it then took us even longer to finally get back to the prison, everyone rushing over to us and bombarding us with question after question the second we got off his bike. I attempted to calm all of them down, but Daryl had enough before I could even open my mouth to speak.
He snapped at all of them, yelling in their faces about how he had just lost his brother and they all seemed to shut up pretty quickly after that, watching him storm off with nothing else to say. My expression saddened even further as I watched him go, debating in my head whether to just let him go and have some time by himself to process this, or go after him in case he didn't want to be alone.
But ultimately I decided to just leave him be for the time being, explaining to everyone that I didn't quite know what happened, but all I knew was that Merle had turned. I informed them that the place looked like a warzone, leading me to believe that The Governor had something to do with it, potentially Merle's death as well.
The man's voice then echoed in the back of my mind, reminding me of what he told me from the start, that the man would kill him first, then only make his way down the line.
Almost the entire group stayed up for hours after what I told them, coming up with some type of plan to end all of this once and for all. Everyone was fed up, tired of having to constantly look over our shoulder and expecting something to be there waiting to kill us. We wanted this done, taken care of, and finished.
After some time passed and the sun had finally set, the plan now fully set in stone, I slowly made my way back to our cell for the night and saw Daryl laying on the bed with his back facing me. I knew he was awake from the way his breathing was steady, but I said nothing as I gently got into bed next to him. He didn't turn over, or even really acknowledge that I was there, but it didn't bother me in the slightest. He needed time and some space, and I understood that completely.
Though it felt like I tossed and turned throughout the whole night, not being able to stay still for more than a few minutes at least without growing uncomfortable. Maybe it was the nervousness for tomorrow, or everything all together, I wasn't sure. But it was getting harder to ignore that little voice in the back of my mind about the outcome potentially not working out for us in the end. It was what I feared most.
When I finally did fall asleep, I still woke up fairly early the next morning, turning over to see Daryl was still facing away from me, soft snores leaving him now as he got at least a little bit of sleep. I got up quietly, not wanting to wake him as I began to pack up all of our things.
The plan we had devised was that when The Governor and his men roll through here, we would pack up everything and pretend like we fled away. But we were going to trick them, mess with their heads a little bit and then attack them the second that their guard was down. It was a way to scare them, knowing that his people weren't the strongest fighters and that they were scared of us to begin with. Not wanting to come back and mess with us after the scare we were going to give them.
After I gathered all of our bags, I headed out towards the cars to load them all up with all the things I could pick up and place over my shoulders. There were only a few others awake as I made my way outside, placing all of the things in the many trunks we had lined up carefully before offering to take Rick's place where he watched the outskirts of our surroundings. He gave me a thankful nod before he made his way back in the building, making sure Carl was ready to go and doing another sweep through the place to check and see if there was anything we missed.
I didn't know how much time had passed as I looked out to the scenery, making sure they weren't paying us an early visit, but just by hearing the amount of people that were out and about behind me, I silently knew it had been a while. Maybe an hour or two of me completely disassociating and focusing on my surroundings, not really knowing or caring how many minutes passed by.
But the others seemed to be almost ready to go as I glanced back every once and a while, seeing Hershel gathering up Carl, Beth, and Judith to take them out somewhere safe. They were the ones who would take all the things we had packed up, before driving out and finding a secluded place to hide out in the woods until it was all over. The rest of us staying back to fight. I couldn't lie, I was slightly nervous about how well this would work, but it was the best chance we had.
I eventually heard faint footsteps coming up from behind me, turning back over my shoulder to see Daryl slowly making his way over towards me. I gave him a small smile before I turned back around to scan the area once more, not wanting to take my eyes off of everything because of the constant paranoia. But I felt him come up to stand next to me as he too looked out in front of us, an awkward silence filling the air.
I didn't know what to say. He looked a lot better than he did yesterday and he got more sleep than I thought he would, but that didn't mean he was okay. I knew he would put up a front that he was, not wanting anyone else to worry, but I would always know.
Clearing my throat awkwardly, I decided to speak first, "How're you holding up?"
My eyes then closed in slight embarrassment the second the question left my mouth. That was like the one thing you don't ask someone who's obviously mourning.
I opened my mouth to apologize, but his voice cut me off, "Better than yesterday." he stated as he glanced over at me, not taking the question the wrong way like I assumed.
A relieved sigh passed my lips as I nodded, "Good..."
There was another few beats of silence as we stared up ahead, before I felt him gently nudge my side, "Ya weren't there when I woke up."
I let out a soft breath as I turned to face him a bit better, "I know...I just wanted to get a head start on packing everything. Just wanted to be ready, I guess. And...I also wanted to give you some space."
He shook his head slowly, "I don't want no space. I want you."
I smiled warmly at him and nodded, "I just- I just didn't want to say the wrong thing. And I didn't want to push it-"
"Ya don't gotta walk on eggshells around me. I want ya with me, I always want ya with me. I just couldn't talk last night...it was just..." he trailed off, the emotions coming back full force the more he thought about it.
"Yeah," I nodded to show that I understood, "And now I know. I won't leave you alone unless you want to be."
He rolled his eyes playfully, "My God woman do ya ever listen to me?" he chuckled lightly, "I want ya. I ain't ever gonna tell ya to leave me alone, because I want ya with me. Always."
"Well, good to see your sarcastic smartass sense of humor is back." I laughed a bit, "But okay, I'll never leave you again."
He gently grabbed one on my hands, raising it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it lightly, "Good." he nodded.
"I'll even follow you when you have to pee." I joked.
He scoffed, "Okay, no maybe leave me alone for that." he said as he rolled his eyes again.
"No, no, I'll even come with you to shower."
"No, don't-" he began to say but stopped himself suddenly, realizing what I had said as he watched me raise my eyebrows. "Alright...maybe you can come with me for that." he said seductively.
I laughed, bringing my hand up to the back of his neck to bring him close, placing a delicate kiss on his lips, before he quickly pulled back once more as if he forgot something. "Oh, and... m' sorry for all the shit I said to ya yesterday. Ya know I just want ya safe...right?"
I shook my head, "Stop. We're okay, I promise."
He nodded, "I love you."
"I love you too." I smiled and pulled him back in for another kiss.
A few long moments passed where we were just lost in one another's touch, craving the feeling of each other as we were tucked away where no one could really see us. Using the privacy to our advantage as I truly had missed him. Even if it was only a short while.
But the moment was cut short quicker than I expected as someone suddenly cleared their throat from behind us, causing us to slightly jump apart in surprise. Michonne stood there with a small smirk on her face and her hands on her hips as she approached, "Sorry...can I just talk to Rose for a second?" she asked.
We both nodded quickly, Daryl coughing awkwardly as he tried to get away as fast as he could with the embarrassment that was creeping up the back of his neck. Michonne's gaze followed him before looking back at me to see my face a little flushed as I laughed a bit uncomfortably.
"Didn't mean to interrupt." she lightly teased as she came over to stand next to me.
I waved her off, "No, don't worry about it. What's up?" I asked.
She paused for a moment as if to collect her thoughts, "I realized never thanked you for trying to help me. And for taking me in, in the first place."
"Oh no, you don't need to thank me-"
"I do." she insisted, "So...thank you."
I gave her a soft smile, "You're welcome."
"But I also wanted to ask why? I mean you didn't know me at all, you still really don't. So...why were you trying so hard to help me?" she asked.
"Because you needed help." I said simply, "I wanted you to stay because you're a badass and I like you," I winked and she chuckled at that. "And I tried to help you because The Governor is crazy, you of all people would know that better than the rest of us. I just wanted you safe because you belong here...you're a part of this group now."
A slow smile spread across her face as she nodded at my genuine reasoning, "Well...thank you again." she spoke genuinely.
I nodded again as we stayed standing side by side, allowing the peaceful silence to take over as we watched the woods carefully for movement. I felt myself take in a small breath before exhaling it deeply, trying to mentally prepare myself now for the shit show that was about to go down here.
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All I could see was darkness as I waited patiently in the tunnels, the anticipation was beginning to kill me as I had no idea what was happening. Glenn and Maggie attempted to convince me to stay with them near the hidden area outside when the time came, to shoot at their feet as they fled, but Daryl was having none of it. He truly meant it when he said he wanted me by his side when The Governor came here, to calm his nerves knowing that I was safe and within his sight. Though no one argued too much considering what he was going through.
Though a part of me wished I had taken them up on that offer regardless because at least out there I could see my own hand in front of my face. Down here, the only light shining in were through the small windows up high against the cement walls, if that at all. I began to worry the longer we sat down there that I wouldn't be able to see a damn thing when it came time to do the most important thing. Aim.
But suddenly, hushed and unfamiliar voices entering the tunnels is what snapped me out of my thoughts, confirming that they were finally here and had found nothing, luring them to search through the dark area. I began to tense up the moment their voices became clearer, their footsteps coming closer and closer to where we hid, and I quickly felt someone grasp my hand. My body jumped a little in surprise, but relaxed quickly once I felt them squeeze my hand three times in reassurance, causing a small smile to trace over my lips.
Hearing The Governor and his people finally creeping up far enough, Daryl gave my hand one more squeeze, signaling me to finally throw the flash bomb. I nodded to myself, though he wouldn't be able to see, quickly pulling the thing from my pocket and pulling the pin out of it, before throwing it around the corner and into the darkness with a small clink.
The second it exploded, they all began to scream as Rick and Carol did the same thing from the other end of the hall, hiding back behind it quickly. The sudden noise, smoke, and gunshots we began to fire near them only drew in some stray walkers into the area, causing them all to panic even more than before. They all fought them off as best as they could, firing through the dead as they rushed out of the place with their tails between their legs.
We were then only met with deafening silence, but none of us seemed to trust it yet, all of us staying quiet as we listened for anything else. There were brief and quieted gunshots coming from outside, hearing them began to scream again as Glenn and Maggie fired bullets to get them out of here faster. Once everything seemed to stop and there wasn't another sound to be heard, we finally all stood back up and headed out towards the entrance, seeing if it had actually worked the way we hoped.
We opened the door hesitantly, seeing that The Governor's men peeled it out of here with nothing left behind. I sighed in relief as Daryl wordlessly pulled me into him, walking out further to check on Glenn and Maggie. The couple looked like they were on cloud nine the second we spotted them, Maggie quickly rushing up to me to wrap me in a hug, while Glenn came around and sandwiched me in between them. We all laughed in relief and pure astonishment that our plan had worked, glancing through the trees to make sure their vehicles were nowhere in sight.
"We did it, we drove them out." Rick stated.
Michonne's eyes stayed fixated on the trees, squinting through them as she thought to herself, "We should go after them."
I almost couldn't believe I was about to agree, but I knew she was right. We couldn't just let them go as if nothing ever happened. We had to make sure they weren't coming back. "...We should finish it." I spoke.
Maggie's expression began to turn sour as she shook her head quickly, "It is finished, didn't you see them hightail it out of here?" she asked.
"They could regroup." Michonne said, "We can't take that chance, he won't just stop here."
Carol was breathless as she nodded along in agreement, "They're right, we can't keep living like this."
"So, we take the fight back to Woodbury? We barely made it back last time." Maggie stated.
"I don't care." Daryl spoke lowly, wanting to end them for good after everything that went down yesterday, grief and loss still fresh in his mind.
A tense silence fell over us, though we all knew that it couldn't just stop here no matter how much we wanted it to. We had to know it was over for good, not wanting to take any chances in case they could somehow come back from this.
Knowing that we were all somewhat in agreement about what to do next, we gave Hershel the okay for them to come back now, knowing that it was safe. They rolled back up slowly through the gates before parking the car off to the side, beginning to unload everything back into the building as we all pitched in to help in one way or another.
I attempted to busy myself with the few crates of food, bringing them back into the building and setting them down on the empty tables in the common room. My pace was somewhat fast as I moved the items we had saved up back onto the shelves, before I spotted Beth walking back inside the building safely. She bounced Judith in her arms as she approached me with a smile, seemingly just as relieved as the rest of us.
"I would hug you if I didn't have this baby in my arms." she joked as she walked up to me.
I laughed softly and kissed the top of her head, moving down to Judith's as well before I spoke, "You guys were okay out there?" I confirmed.
She looked weary, "Yeah...but uh... we sort of ran into this kid while we were waiting. We think he was with The Governor, and he ran up on us. He had a gun, but he was handing it over and... Carl just shot him."
I was taken aback, leaving it to process for a moment before I shook my head in slight disbelief, "Wait what?"
"He's changed, he's...gotten colder. Especially ever since Rick admitted to us about Michonne, he's been so angry. I'm worried about him." she said quietly, making sure no one else could hear.
"I know he hasn't been the same since his mom, and... who would be? But that makes me worry more about him too. We'll both just... keep a close eye on him, yeah?" I asked.
She nodded in agreement before Hershel called her over to help with their things, giving my arm a gentle squeeze before she walked away and back towards the cellblock. But not even a second after she left, Carl made his way back inside to drop off more food I was attempting to put away. I gave him a smile as he passed through, but he only glanced over at me somewhat distantly before walking back towards the door to carry more things.
My brows furrowed, "Hey!" I called out to him before he could fully escape.
His shoulders dropped down with a deep sigh before he turned around to face me again with an annoyed expression, "What?" he asked sharply.
"Woah okay, hi." I spoke in slight surprise at his tone, "You...doing okay? What's up with you?"
"Nothing, get off my back." he snapped as he turned around to speed walk away from me.
I scoffed, "Oh yeah, you better run with how you're talking to me." I called after him, watching as he only moved faster out the door upon hearing my tone.
I knew now wasn't the best time to be petty, but his attitude has been a nightmare. He's never dared to snap at me, leaving me to only witness the many times he's been cold and distant towards the others, but mainly the pattern continued to fall on his dad. I knew he was going through a lot, doing things a kid should never have to do, but it truly tested my patience when he acted distant toward the people who were only trying to help him.
I only sighed to myself however, watching the door he left through without making an attempt to go after him, heading in towards the cellblock instead to give him some time. Carol stood there with the many bags and people's belongings piled up, handing me mine and Daryl's with a smile. I took them from her hands before making my way up the stairs, dropping them on the cell floor for now before I began to pick through my bag for my remaining weapons.
Loading ammo into the handgun I still held onto, and making sure I had enough arrows to take with me as well as my knives, placing them all back in their regular spots around my hips as I pulled them one by one from the bag. But I stopped suddenly when I heard a shuffling sound from behind me, turning around to see Daryl standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression. But it wasn't hard to guess what was going through his head.
I sighed, "What is it?"
He stalled for a moment as he kicked the ground with his dirty boot, "Is there...any chance of convincing ya to stay here?" he finally asked somewhat hopefully.
"No." I deadpanned, causing him to sigh and hang his head while I turned back around to place the rest of my weapons on me.
"Please darlin, I don't want anything to happen out there. I don't wanna take that chance." he pleaded.
I huffed softly and stood up to face him, placing a hand on his cheek, "I thought you always wanted me by your side?" I asked ironically, "Look, The Governor could still come back here if he wanted to. So technically I'm not safe either way."
He sighed heavily again as he thought, before placing his hand over mine with a nod, "Alright."
"We'll be careful," I pecked his lips, "We always are."
He was still very unsure, but in the back of his mind he knew that I could take care of myself no matter what kind of situation we were in. So, we walked back out of the prison together, weapons in hand to place them in the cars and load everything up once more. Hopefully for the last time.
"We're staying," Glenn announced, motioning to himself and Maggie as we gathered around once more before we left. "We don't know where The Governor is, if he comes back, we'll hold him off."
Daryl turned back towards me with hopeful eyes, "No." I repeated again, watching him huff and turn back to continue to load up the car. The two seemed to have a laugh at that, before confirming that's what they really wanted to do, needing to have a watchful eye here in case of any unexpected surprises.
I pulled both of them in for a quick hug, not knowing for sure what would happen out there, before repeatedly telling them to stay safe. It was almost harder now knowing that we were leaving them here to keep the place safe, but we all silently knew it was for the best.
I turned back and made my way over to Daryl's bike. He handed his crossbow over his shoulder to me so I could place it on my back, extending his hand out to help me on before starting up his loud engine, taking off down the gravel roads. Rick and Michonne road in the car not too far behind us, looking back to see the group standing outside waving like crazy as they watched us leave.
There was a pit in my stomach for most of the drive, trying to ignore it as best as I could while the wind whipped by us quickly with how fast we were going. Although, we weren't on the road for very long, not even halfway to their community before we came across what looked like a bunch of abandoned cars parked on the side of the road. We slowed to a stop, seeing a few walkers scattered around feasting on a few fresh dead bodies that where all laying in puddles of blood.
I hopped off the bike quickly, moving to hand Daryl his weapon before pulling out my gun to aim at the dead, Rick and Michonne coming out of the car not even a second later with their weapons drawn as well, scanning the area in suspicion. We all stepped forward to kill the remaining walkers before they could even notice our presence, taking them out quietly as we looked around for anything, wondering what the hell caused this kind of disaster.
I took in the scene in front of me as I slowly backed up, seeing the handprints of blood and guts that were spilled everywhere on the pavement before my back suddenly hit something. I glanced over my shoulder to see I had backed up into a truck, glancing up at the blood that had smeared on the door of the vehicle. But my heart about fell out of my ass as I quickly jumped back upon seeing two hands coming up to the window with a loud slap.
Everyone immediately aimed their weapons towards the glass the moment they heard the noise, squinting through the tinted window to see that the woman in there was still very much alive and nearly shaking in her boots. Her brows were furrowed with fear and her hands shook violently as she glanced around at all of us, her eyes darting to the weapons we had in our hands.
I loaded my gun quickly as I backed up further, "Open the door." I said with a nod of my head, watching Rick move to place his hand over the handle.
The woman came out of the truck instantly the second the door was open, completely disregarding the weapon in my hands and threw her arms around me in a hug, "Oh thank God." she praised as she squeezed me.
I tensed up, "You have about five seconds to get the fuck off of me." I said lowly and she quickly got the message, jumping back with her hands raised.
I pointed my weapon at her head as I nodded around the area, "What the hell happened here?" I asked her.
"The Governor. He shot everyone; he killed them all." she cried.
"The Governor did this?" Rick asked.
I turned to look at him with narrowed eyes, "Did she stutter?" I asked sarcastically.
He fixed me a glare before turning back towards the woman, gesturing with his gun as he spoke, "We need to get to Woodbury, and finish this."
She seemed to understand, nodding frantically, "Take me with you, I can get you in."
A part of me didn't want to agree, we didn't know this woman for shit but I barely even got to open my mouth before Rick was suddenly nodding his head. He gestured for the woman to follow them to the back of their vehicle, helping her in and getting her situated while I tried to pretend like this wasn't a terrible idea.
But we needed to get in, and that's all I cared about.
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Night had fallen by the time we made our way up to the familiar gates of Woodbury. It seemed oddly quiet as we slowly made our way through the abandoned cars still littered outside, ducking behind them as we approached closer. We were getting close. But suddenly there were shots coming from the top of the gate, the people on watch somehow spotting us as they fired into the metal of a car we all quickly ducked behind.
"Tyreese! Stop!" the woman yelled over the gunfire.
My mouth slightly dropped in realization as I ran a hand over my face in annoyance. If this was the same Tyreese that Rick screamed at and threatened with a gun, we should all just go ahead and walk away now.
"Karen? Karen, are you okay?!" the man yelled back, squinting through the darkness, watching as she began to stand up to her full height from behind the vehicle.
"I'm fine!" she replied.
"Where's the Governor?" he asked.
"He fired on everyone, he killed them all. These people saved me!" she informed him as her hand gestured down to all of us, giving us the chance to stand as well with raised hands.
The man didn't respond, but the sounds of him opening the gate clearly proved his curiosity, wanting to know exactly what happened. Almost as if he couldn't believe it. We all slowly began to walk up closer to meet him halfway, and my brows immediately raised. There in front of my very eyes was Tyreese and his sister Sasha, the same exact people that Rick flipped out on as he waved a gun around their faces.
I didn't even hesitate as I ducked my head down, turning on my heel to walk away in the other direction to avoid the painfully awkward tension. But I didn't get very far as Daryl caught my arm to stop me nearly the second I turned around, pulling me back to walk forward.
"Come on." I pleaded quietly, noting how close we were getting to them.
He shook his head, "Nah, we go down, we go down together."
I huffed as I ripped my arm away from him and turned to face the brother and sister once again, Rick stepping up to give them a nod, "What are you doing here?" Tyreese asked us while lowering his gun.
Rick sighed, "We came to end this, until we saw what The Governor did."
"He- he killed them?" he asked.
Rick just nodded his head, "Karen told us on the way here that Andrea hopped the wall going for the prison. She never made it." he finished.
Well shit, this was news to me. But Tyreese nodded immediately as he gestured for us to come in with the intention of finding her. Rick moved through the streets easily, not really needing any kind of direction as he assumed she could be in the same building where they held Glenn and Maggie hostage. Without all the smoke covering every inch of the buildings, it was a lot creepier here than I remembered, the uncomfortable silence lingering in the air.
As we finally made it to the familiar tall building with our weapons raised, we searched through the place cautiously but there was no one nearby in the narrowed halls. Though eventually we turned a corner to see a door we hadn't cleared, noticing blood pooling out the small crack underneath of it.
Worry was planted in all of us after seeing that, Michonne quickly taking out her sword while Rick didn't hesitate to break the lock. The door practically swung open after he had got it, peering inside quickly to see a dead body laying right in front of our feet, blood pouring from their head. I recognized the man immediately as Milton, the man we grew to know as we waited together for the meeting to end.
But shock grew on Michonne's face as she stepped in further, seeing Andrea sitting up against the wall only inches away from the man, blood covering the entirety of her body. She was still alive, breathing shakily, but looked to be hurt pretty badly. We all piled in after seeing her, Michonne dropping to her knees at her side as her eyes scanned quickly all over her body for any kind of injuries.
The rest of us seemed to stay back a little as we watched in guilt, seeing her on the brink of consciousness as she tried to keep herself from passing out, smiling the second she recognized it was really us.
"I tried to stop them." she whispered.
Michonne's hand went instinctively up towards her forehead, feeling how warm it was as she moved her hands to the sides of her face, "You're burning up."
Andrea stared at all of us for a moment, moving her hand up slowly towards her shoulder, and pulling her jacket down for us all to see. Revealing a giant bloody bite mark embedded in her skin. We all froze at the sight, Michonne letting out a breath of disbelief as she stared at the injury, not being able to take her eyes away.
"Judith, Carl, the rest of them..." Andrea started.
"Us," Rick corrected her as he slowly got down to her level, "The rest of us."
She smiled slightly upon hearing his voice say that to her, one of the last things she would ever hear was that she was truly always a part of the group no matter what. "Are they alive?" she asked.
Rick looked back towards Daryl briefly, Merle crossing his mind before glancing back towards Andrea and nodding, "Yeah...they're alive." he told her.
My hand moved down discretely to grasp Daryl's hand with my own, giving it a squeeze in reassurance at the things that were most likely still clouding his mind. He looked down to me, his expression neutral yet grateful as he gave my hand a small squeeze in return.
Andrea sighed in relief at Rick's words, glancing back towards Michonne with a smile, "It's good you found them." she told her.
Michonne only nodded her head slowly, her eyes filling with tears and her face contorting with sadness, "No one can make it alone now." Andrea hinted.
Daryl began to nod, "I never could." he stated, swallowing a bit thickly as I felt him grip my hand a little bit tighter than before.
I felt myself smile as Andrea's eyes were glued to us, laughing lightly as she shook her head, "You guys are made for each other. I'm glad you finally saw it just as much as the rest of us did back on that farm."
My eyes softened as I caught her gaze, sucking in a soft breath, "Andrea, I'm sorr-"
"Me too," she smiled slightly, "We got on each other's nerves but...I still wanted you to be okay."
In the back of my mind, so did I. Andrea got under my skin just as much as I got under hers, but deep down we were still family and I never wanted to see her go like this. It hurt all of us to witness.
"I wanted you to be okay too." I agreed.
She smiled tiredly before turning back to Rick, gesturing for the gun in his hands, "I can do it myself." she breathed.
"No." Michonne declined immediately.
"I have to. While I still can, please? ...I know how the safety works."
A chill went up my spine at her words that she said so long ago, yet it still felt so recent. Rick debated in his head for the longest time, truly not wanting her to have to do this herself, but then slowly handing her the gun. Knowing that this is what she wanted.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." Michonne told her.
She nodded in agreement before taking on last final look at all of us, a certain sadness written in her eyes, "I tried." she spoke barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, you did. You did." Rick assured, placing one last comforting hand on her shoulder.
After saying some type of goodbye to her, it was difficult to leave the room, knowing that this would be the final time we would ever see her. But yet we all found the strength, seeing Tyreese still lingering outside of the room, sending each of us a sad and understanding look to tell us that he heard everything.
I leaned up against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest, feeling Daryl come up next to me to follow my actions, beginning to chew on his thumbnail anxiously. There was a long and agonizing silence that followed, before a single gunshot was finally heard from outside the big wooden door, only followed by more silence.
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I felt the slight chill of the morning air as I rode on the back of the motorcycle back to the prison. My arms wrapped tightly around Daryl's middle as he occasionally reached to give my hand a squeeze. The long ride back gave me time to think about the things we were doing, the things that we chose to do and move forward with. Though none of us really had to think twice of the idea because all these people from the abandoned community wanted was a fighting chance. Knowing The Governor had ran like a coward, they had no one else to turn to. And we wanted to give them the opportunity they deserved.
As we finally made it back to the familiar building, Glenn and Maggie opened up the broken gates for us, not even attempting to hide the confused look on their faces as a giant bus followed in right behind us. Daryl pulled over to a stop a little further in than usual, getting off his bike while I followed his actions from right behind him. Our eyes then landed on the school bus now parking front and center, watching the many people begin to pile out of it and glance around at the new place they would call home.
The rest of the group came out of the prison in obvious shock, Rick making his way over to the rest of them to explain everything that went down in Woodbury. I knew this would all be a huge adjustment with the many new people we hardly knew moving in to stay with us, but it was an adjustment that I was willing to make. One that I for once was willing to accept.
"Ya think this is gonna work?" Daryl asked.
My eyes followed the new people for a moment, noticing a few little kids bouncing around in excitement along with a woman holding a small baby, and I felt myself smile. "Yeah." I said simply as I glanced over at him.
He smiled softly, having a certain glint in his eye that made my brows furrow, "What?" I asked with a tilt of my head.
He shrugged, "Nothin." he said simply, causing me to drop the topic as I looked back to the many people still introducing themselves as they greeted everyone with warm smiles, resting my head on his shoulder as my mind began to run with all the possibilities.
I couldn't help but think about the bright future that we could have here, together. A small smile stretched on my face as I was confident that everything was going to be okay. We didn't have to run, or fight, or live in constant fear of The Governor. We could all just finally be at peace.
But even though I looked away, I could still feel Daryl's eyes on me. And all I wanted to know is what the hell that man was thinking.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ DARYL POV *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I’m gonna marry this girl.
~ Thanks for reading! (Ahhh season 3 is done!!)
Taglist - @justareader95 @hayley1998 @welcumetomyescape @ryoujoking @sipsthecoffee
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con-clavi-con-jae · 3 months
Text
The awaited Polyvessels winter solstice celebration fic no one wanted.
This ended up just being me throwing every thought I've had recently about them into a fic, but I see nothing wrong with that. It's kinda inspired by a post @ghxstly-death made.
Warnings? Kinda? Basically there's like a small bit where Ves and III get caught doing some not holy activities but it's literally just two not at all explicit lines, idk. (Also III is trans bc I can)
21st of December, 4:30 in the morning.
Vessel was already up, which isn't surprising for him. Except this time, it wasn't for any kind of nightmare or suffering. He was excited, extatic even, to start the celebration. Today was the first day of winter. Tonight would be the longest night of the year, the one night where Sleep is at Her highest power, and can reach out to them the most.
Vessel ran down to the living room with the candle he'd made for Sleep, and sat down on the couch, thinking up his first offering. It had to be something special, since it was the most important day of the year. He felt Her hands on his shoulders, whispering to him about how grateful She was to have such devoted followers. With a wide grin under his mask, Vessel looked out the window. It's still snowing, a perfect day to rest, give out offerings, and show how grateful they were to their Lady of Dreams for the year that had passed.
Vessel lit the candle and looked intently at the flame, taking deep breaths. Then, he started the prayer. It was quiet, he always preferred to pray in silence when he was alone. He then set everything up for his offerings of the day, and took a short nap on the couch.
A few hours later, II woke up and went down to the living room, waking Vessel up with a kiss and blowing the candle out, "Good morning, sweet thing. Did you sleep well?" He sat down next to his partner, petting his hair as he wakes up, "I hope She didn't keep you up too long."
Vessel sat up, holding II close to his body and feeling the warmth of his partner's body, it was all he wanted to concentrate in, but he had his duties, and II had theirs. It's not fair to keep them occupied... but II's hair was soft and smelled good, Vessel just wanted to keep his face buried in it and forget about all his troubles. Still, Sleep needed his devotion, he loved serving Her, and he would do so as needed. Vessel kissed II's lips quickly and went to the altar room, mixing up the dried herbs for their first ritual of the day.
II, meanwhile, decided to cook up a nice, elaborate breakfast for his boys, as well as the first offering of the day. The presence of Sleep could be felt, everywhere. As II started up the cooking, he lit the candle he kept in the kitchen and thanked Her for everything She did for all of them. IV and Vessel had gone to buy some groceries that week, so II had a wide array of ingredients for his cooking, another thing they were grateful of. They decided to make some French toast, orange juice and scrambled eggs, something special for this special occasion. As he tossed the ingredients on the pan, making quick work of it all, they murmured intentions and incantations only loud enough for Sleep to hear them, expressing gratefulness and asking for a safe winter.
As the rest woke up, III made his way to the altar room, and IV to the kitchen.
III walked up behind Vessel, his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders taking the man out of his work. As Vessel turned around, he was entranced by the way the candles lit all around the room made III's dark skin look as golden as the small lip ring he wore, his now short red hair tied up in a bun. III was always so enticing, Vessel could gaze at him for hours and never get tired. "You're staring again, love," the taller man giggled, resting his chin on Vessel's shoulder, "what are you doing anyway?"
"Just making some incense... they're drying, actually," Vessel responded in a calm manner, trying to focus on the offering. They were six small cones and four bigger ones, and contained orange peel, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and sandalwood, among other things. "When they're dry after breakfast, we can light one."
The sparkle in Vessel's eyes when he worked on his offerings always filled III's heart with love, just needing to get it out by kissing all over his boyfriend's mask and holding him tight.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, IV tiredly made his way in and dropped his head onto II's shoulder, groaning at the amount of light and all the noise outside.
"Good morning, Ivy. Slept well?" II asked softly, getting another groan he assumed was a yes from IV, "good. Wanna help me set the table?" IV shook his head no at II's question, burying his face into his partner's neck. "Alright then. Call the boys, will you?"
IV sighed, kissing his way down II's neck, humming tiredly as II set the table, still unable to speak and not wanting to let go of his love.
"Ivy, go look for Vessel and III, and maybe I'll make you some coffee, okay?" II asked, sweet but stern, and IV finally let go of him to go look for the others.
IV made his way up to the altar room, slamming the door open and finding a rather enticing view. III sat on Vessel's desk, his thigh over the other man's shoulder as he kneeled on the floor. "Ahem, guys, II wants you to go down, but not in that way..." IV teased, blushing and looking away with a playful smile.
When they noticed their boyfriend standing at the doorway, Vessel and III pulled away and got themselves fixed up, walking out the door looking at the floor in attempt to avoid IV's eyes.
In the kitchen, II had set up a table full of all the things he knew his boys loved, a red candle in the middle lighting up the room.
"You really didn't have to, II... you're so sweet, come here~" III grabbed the shorter vessel by the hand and kissed him in between soft laughs, meanwhile Vessel sat down and started the prayer.
"Our sweet Lady of Dreams, bless us in this cold day, as the dark nights start and Your power reaches farther than ever, we thank You for Your protection, and hope You can get us through the darkness." Vessel recited, his voice full of hope and devotion as he held on to the others' hands.
"And the night comes down like heaven," the rest responded, before excitedly digging into their food while they chatted about their plans for the day.
"So, what's everyone thankful for this year?" II started, taking a long sip of the juice in his glass, "I, for one, am grateful for getting nominated four times for drummer of the year."
"Self-centered much?" III teased, kicking him lightly under the table and getting into a little war with II, stepping and kicking at each other's feet, "well I am grateful for how the band's been growing. All of us."
Vessel and IV shared a look, rolling their eyes at their partners' childish antics. "I'm just happy that we get to spend the solstice together at home, at the very least. With all the tours, it's a miracle we even get alone time anymore." IV sighed contently as he ate his sweet food, the strong taste of cinnamon weirdly reminiscent of all the years they've done this together. "What about you, Ves?"
Vessel froze. What is he thankful for? What did he do this year that the others hadn't mentioned? The band was his only big accomplishment, and he didn't know what exactly could count as his anyway. He spoke up quieter than the rest, "I'm just glad to have you guys... I'm not... entirely sure if I've done anything worth it besides writing and all..." his hand grabbed the fork tightly, stabbing at the eggs on his plate absentmindedly. Then, he felt III and IV grab his hands, and II shot him a worrying look.
"Love, you've done so much more than that... you're just such a beautiful human, I wish you could see that." II's voice was stern yet dripping with love, their eyes looking into Vessel's as the others held him. Vessel heard Sleep's encouraging whispers all around him, and it all combined made him smile as he thought back on his year again.
"I'm grateful that I have you and our fans to support me through my healing. It's been a hard year, and I couldn't have done it without you." Vessel finally got slightly louder, his voice more secure and his posture straighter. They were all happy for this, seeing Vessel get better, all of them getting better, it was all they could ever ask for.
Rituals went by, the morning was peaceful, and in the evening, they all sat in the living room together. Incense brunt as IV sat next to the coffee table, stabbing cloves into slices of dried orange to make them look like little suns and tying thread around it. He wore a hoodie that was probably stolen from Vessel, as it was tight around the chest but reached around his mid-thigh, and was bundled up in a cozy blanket he shared with II. The shorter Vessel, in turn, sat on the couch right behind him and wrote down all his intentions for the next year. Their hair was tied and they had his tongue out, a soft sight that made all the boys instantly warm inside.
Meanwhile, III and Vessel sat on the couch together. Vessel strummed on his guitar and III hummed some of their older songs, memories of the beginning of the band flooding his mind and making him nostalgic. He'd been having thoughts about his life, what he wanted to do with it, and the future of his relationship with his partners, and it just all came out of him without a warning. "Do you guys think we should get a child?" He suddenly spoke up, not knowing where that comment had come from.
"And how exactly would we procure this child?" Vessel softly asked, not fully against the idea but not sure if he'd do a good job at caring for a kid, "we practically don't exist, so we can't adopt, and you're the only one with the right 'equipment' for it..." IV laughed loudly at the comment as he stood up to hang the decorations he'd made.
"Well I, for one, think that's a beautiful idea if you'd be all up for it." II mused as he passed III the notepad with his intentions, "you could write that for next year, if we all agree?" They looked at IV, who nodded excitedly, and then back at Vessel.
After a bit of thinking, Vessel agreed. "If that's the will of our Lady, then I don't see how it's a bad idea." He assured calmly as he watched III write it down with his messy handwriting.
The notepad got passed around, stories from their past dreams were shared, and it all was shaping up to be a beautiful celebration.
"Wait but what does it mean to dream that some guy I never met dies to save me?" IV groaned as he laid on the floor, his dark hair splayed out, "like, do I just... feel helpless perhaps?"
Vessel wrote all that down on IV's dream journal, thinking about all the possible meanings that could have, "that's a good one. Or maybe you sacrifice parts of yourself for others?" He wondered while his hand stayed buried in III's curly hair, all three of them relaxing when II came in with cups of hot chocolate. "Thanks, honey... sit here, please?"
II rolled his eyes, laying on Vessel's lap as the four of them kept chatting and finishing up their dream journals for tonight's most special ritual.
II finished first, as usual, so he went outside to the garden to start up the fire to cook the food. They'd made sure to get the highest quality ingredients for tonight, since his cooking was an offering, and this night, Sleep deserved the best of the best. The fire rose and II cooked up a nice stew for himself and his lovers, to keep them warm during the cold winter night.
When Vessel finished, he got out to sit by II, wrapped up in a blanket, his head on his partner's shoulder as he hummed softly, letting the fire and II's soft touch warm him up.
"You look tired, love. You sure you wanna stay up tonight?" II whispered lovingly as he pet Vessel's hair. The taller man nodded, quiet and probably asleep by now. II laughed at this and covered his love in the blanket as he kept checking the stew. It'd be done in one more hour.
Meanwhile inside, III and IV laid together on the couch, a quiet conversation going on between them before IV broke the comfortable silence. "I have a question, my flower... why did you ask that now? About the kid, I mean." III's eyes widened at this, but he looked away, uncomfortably avoiding the topic, so IV decided to explain himself first, "I promise I'm not mad, it's just... it's a weird time to ask that, y'know?"
III sighed, burying his face into IV's chest and kissing him softly, "I suppose this last tour just gave me a lot to think about, my life, our future together..." III blushed as he explained this, not really knowing how to.
IV cut him off with a kiss, caressing his hair lovingly, "well, I believe we'd make gorgeous kids, and you'd be a great parent. So we're good." III grinned widely, getting on top of IV and kissing all over his face. They were both just insanely happy to be back together, alone, after all this time.
Their sudden kiss assault was interrupted by II calling out to them, the food was ready. They both ran outside, holding their dream journals and putting on warm matching sweaters, which Vessel and II also had on. The boys were already sitting by the fire under a blanket, so III and IV joined them and grabbed their plates as Vessel started another prayer.
"Lady of Dreams, protector of the night, we offer You our thoughts and all that we are, and You save us from the dangers of this mortal realm. All we dream, it is for You, and all You give us is sacred." With that, Vessel collected all their journals, as well as the page with all their intentions for the year to come, and tossed it all into the fire.
"The night comes down like heaven," they all said together and sat back on the floor, wrapped in the warm blanket and feeling each other's bodies pressed against their own. It was a special night, and the thing they were all the most grateful for, is being together at last.
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rymndsmth · 1 year
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ties that bind (namor)
you form an unexpected alliance with Talokan’s king. 
a/n: warnings for violence, brief mentions of ass*ult, pollution, sl*very, anti-superhero sentiments. reader is a cr*me lord, and implied but not explicitly described as black. idk what this is also but i hope it makes sense??
There were many things you hated about the work you did. Its inherent and intentional obscurity, the consequences that awaited you should you be caught. Strangely enough, execution wasn’t one of the parts you detested. 
If you were to be truthful, you took joy in it. Those on the other end of your blade were the worst of humanity. The aftermath though, the stiffening of limbs and sticky remnants of their blood on your shoes, absolutely disgusted you. 
Further than that, disposal was the thing that left the bitterest taste in your mouth. Unlike the heads of other families, you preferred to oversee these things yourself. To trust anyone was all but a death sentence. 
It was a lesson that had been brutally etched into you upon the revelation that your father’s death was constructed by none other than your uncle. The very man who’d raised you following his death, and pretended for years that he would avenge the assassination. Your first kill, the severed head that sat atop your father’s desk as all those that took part in the coups were slain in the same manner. 
“Make it quick.” You ordered, lighting the cigarette that hung from your lips. “It’s fucking freezing out here.”
The approval hungry associates all but jumped at your words. They worked together to roll the three body filled barrels to the edge of the vessel, counting before hefting them one after one into the ocean. 
Syndicates that favored burying bodies perplexed you initially. Why would anyone want to leave traces behind? And then you realized that, well, they were all men. The potential uncovering of mass graves served only one purpose, and that was to stroke their egos. 
They got off on inspiring fear in civilians, something that you neither cared nor felt necessary to do. You weren’t in this line of work to disturb the peace of mind of innocents, but to protect it. That was what you told yourself, at least. 
You flicked the half smoked stick of rolled tobacco into the water once the last barrel was dispatched. A snarl marred your face when you turned to step away from the railing. Your loafers were sticky at the soles. 
The displeasure you felt would compound as the barge suddenly groaned to a stop not long in its ride back to shore. Without a word, two of your associates marched to the control room to find the cause of the issue. 
Suddenly, the ground beneath your feet began to quiver. You gripped the railing tight and gritted your teeth. The boat rocked so violently that your stomach began to churn. It only stilled as three objects were shot out of the water and into the air. You ducked quickly, and smartly so. The last of them whizzed just above your head. 
When you stood up to look behind you, your breathing seized momentarily. The barrels were back on board. As if that weren’t a strange enough occurrence, they hadn’t been just been halfheartedly tossed. They were neatly lined up like they had been rested upon the floor with a crane. 
“I’ve been extremely patient with you.” 
An accented voice called, making your head whip around back to face the calm sea. Your eyes found nothing until they panned upwards. You smiled, and then laughed, with not an ounce of humor in either of those things. 
A man floated above you on winged feet, gaudy regalia tacked to his body. He might’ve looked different, but he was just the same as all the others who were undeservedly given the title of superhero. 
The very individuals who only came together to fight forces they deemed worthy opponents. The ones who paid no mind to every day horrors, the kidnappings, the assaults. 
Citizens of the world rejoiced, they’ve saved us, when they dispatched otherworldly threats that were drawn to them on this planet. Yet their cries in dark alleyways and rot filled rooms remained ignored. Where were these demigods then?
“Patient with me? You know nothing about me, and my business is no concern of yours.” Your voice was restrained, but laced in venom. 
“Oh, but it is.” He floated down to stand before you, an imposing figure. “Countless of these makeshift tombs have been dumped by you, making their way into my waters. I will no longer stand for it.” 
You looked him up and down, upper lip curling. His wasn’t a face you’d seen before which made this entire exchange even more enraging. He was worse than the heroes that dwelled in their towers looking down upon everyone else. 
He was a coward that clearly had hidden from the world as it crumbled. One that felt bothered enough by your activities to make an appearance. Some audacity he had to approach you with such entitlement. 
“You speak as if you have some monopoly over this ocean.” Another joyless laugh left you. “Tell me, false god, where were you when my ancestors were cast overboard by their captors? Did you hide and watch as their lungs burned?”
Pure rage sparked behind his eyes, a spring of his feet bringing his body to yours in a flash. His large hand gripped your neck tight as he rose again to lift you into the air. Still, surely now in the face of death, you continued. 
“Where were you when oil spills left our economy depleted, and our bellies empty?” You choked out. 
“Do not speak to me of pain, child.” He hissed, squeezing your throat until you were lightheaded. 
Just as you were beginning to lose consciousness, he tossed your body back onto the ship. You coughed and gasped, hands running over the pending bruises on your skin. He didn’t turn his back to you as he retreated to the water, watching with warning as he disappeared below the waves. 
You stood up, angry at his arrogance and annoyed now that your clothes were damp. To add insult to injury, another object flicked from the water into your forehead. The cigarette you’d tossed earlier. 
The disrespectful turn of events left you boiling. It nagged at you so deeply that you took your own boat out the following night. A move that might’ve been viewed as foolishly bold. You had no powers to best him should it come to that.
But you didn’t seek the being out again to defeat him. You wanted to look into his eyes as he gave you the answers he’d so conveniently evaded to give you. He could use his strength and other abilities all he wanted to intimidate you, but you were going to get them. Even if they were whispered into dying ears. 
You attempted to summon him with a bottle. It had been filled with pebbles and sand, a small feather rolled into the top just below the cap. You secured it to the end of a harpoon and shot it into the open ocean. 
And then you waited. 
The boat didn’t change in motion. It remained all but still with an occasional, non-alarming side to side sway. You settled onto the leather seat, folding your arms while you stared ahead into nothingness. It was so dark out that you didn’t even feel the difference when your eyes fluttered shut. 
Instincts ripped you from your impromptu slumber. You inhaled and exhaled heavily, a hand running down your face. When the sleep cleared from your vision you spotted the bottle you’d thrown placed between your feet. 
“I was protecting my people.” The closeness of his voice startled you. 
The being was standing right beside you. To all your associates, it was a well known fact that you were a light sleeper. The faintest shift of the air was usually enough to wake you, and yet here he was. Eerily silent in motion as he took the seat cross from you. 
“Our origins begin much like that of your ancestors. We were fortunate enough to find a solution, but our bodies were reborn in a way that made living on land impossible.” He spoke with, to your surprise, tenderness. It showed on his face too, a drastically different gaze casted in your direction in comparison to the previous meeting. 
He rightfully took your silence as an invitation to proceed, telling the story of how he came to be. A child born into an unforgiving, cruel, merciless world. You saw yourself in that part of his tale, and would continue to the longer he spoke. 
“It’s true that I have little regard for what goes on up here, but given my history and what’s at stake, surely now you understand.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “As a leader, born for your position and not bestowed, surely you understand that we must protect those that rely on us. Even when it means sacrificing what little humanity you have left.”
You nodded with a sigh. 
It was, unfortunately, something you knew all too well. Often you were quick to anger and highly reactive, but to stay alive in your world you had to possess more wit than brute force. That was what would keep you alive and safe. What would ensure the strength and continuation of your family’s organization long after you turned to ash. 
Your eyes fell to his wings, a smile forming despite the heaviness the conversation left in the air. You crossed your legs. It was a movement that rode your pant leg up, drawing his attention to the exposed skin of your ankle. And the small faded tattoo of an angel’s wing just above it. 
“Can I count on you, should the day come where Talokan can no longer remain hidden?” He stood, extending a hand between your bodies. 
If someone had told you that you would be forming an alliance with a powered individual before tonight, you would’ve spat at their feet. The version of you that existed prior to this moment would’ve shuddered at the thought of you sliding your palm against his. Sealing the agreement with a firm shake. 
He floated from the deck to the water. As his body began to submerge, you called out.
“You never told me your name.” Your head tilted. 
“Yesterday, I would’ve said Namor.” He flashed a smile. 
“And now?” You found yourself returning it. 
“You may call me K’uk’ulkan.” 
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hanluex · 2 years
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♡ MY SAVIOR — BRADLEY 'ROOSTER' BRADSHAW
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rooster bradshaw x reader | wc : 1k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, reader goes through (slight) panic attack, mentions of (possible) animal death, crying | loki’s lines : do y'all know how hard it was to find a nice pic of miles smiling on pinterest jeez 😭 also please drive safely when it’s raining guys
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“how does it feel to be an independent person? you don’t have to ask me for a ride anymore!”
rooster inquired through the phone, smiling even though you couldn’t see him.
“roo ...” you trailed off, chuckling. “it’s almost seven months since i got my license. you can stop saying all that every time i say i’m driving.” you smiled to yourself, giddy at how your boyfriend hyped you up, as if it was your first time driving every time you mentioned the fact.
“i’m never gonna stop,” he retorted, feeling childish. “how long will it take you to come? a movie and cuddles awaits.”
“i’m coming! hang up, you are distracting me.” you chuckled, frustrated, as the sky was getting darker and it was hazy to see with the heavy mist. “gosh, it’s like someone turned on a fog machine in here.”
rooster let out a breath, taking a seat on his bed as he made himself comfortable. “i’ll stay on the line until you come. i won’t say anything. you can pretend i’m not there.” his words earned a laugh from you, finding his deals impossible. “be careful and drive safe, my love.”
his term of endearment brought the blood to your cheeks, making you bite your lip to calm yourself. like your boyfriend asked, you were as careful as you could get, slowing your speed as you drove through the shortcut lanes to avoid traffic.
rooster looked up from his book as he heard you softly sing to yourself, something about the rain. he turned his head to the window in his room, straining his ears to hear the pitter patter of the rain get louder as the rainfall increased. rooster went back to reading his book, holding in the urge to tell you to hurry. 
you were in the same state as rooster, trying to drive as quickly as you could because your dearest boyfriend was waiting for you. but alas, the rain was doing no good.
not to misunderstand, you liked the rain! in fact; you loved it — but only when you were in the comfort of your home; the actual home and rooster’s arms.
it was late in the evening, and you relaxed in your seat, trying to enjoy the rain as you sped up your car more on the empty road. suddenly, within the split-second you took to glance at your phone, a cat jumped to the road, startling you as you promptly hit the brakes to not hit the animal.
a strangled scream escaped your lips, scaring rooster, who was listening at the other end of the line. you feared you had hit the kitten, shaking as the rain outside fell at a faster rate, making the roads hard to see through your windshield. and your tear-filled eyes weren’t doing you good either.
“y/n? y/n! what happened?” rooster panicked, unable to understand what was going on. “hey, hey. it’s alright, just tell me. what’s wrong?” he stood from his place, grabbing his phone as soon as he heard quiet sobs come from you.
“it was too foggy and i couldn’t see, and i was so stupid because i wanted to come to you as quickly as i could. and then it started raining, and i still didn’t slow down like an idiot,” you rambled, stammering terribly. “this kitten jumped out of nowhere, and i swear, i hit the brakes, but i didn’t see it go anywhere, and i’m just so scared. rooster, i hit a cat. i swear, i didn’t mean to, i was just—”
rooster was already grabbing his coat and putting on his shoes, ready to run to wherever you were. “can you tell me exactly where you are?” you could barely get the words out, too scared to see if you had hit the kitten.
as you tried to calm yourself down, tears kept streaming down your face as you remembered of the corpse of the feline outside your car. “the alley behind the rest stop, right?” you were pulled out of your thoughts as you heard your boyfriend from your phone, realising he hadn’t ended the call.
“yeah. don’t worry, though. just give me a minute and—”
“i see your car.” rooster sighed in relief, completely drenched in rain as he jogged towards your car, a bright smile on his face. “i see you ... and also your friend.” he ended the call before you could ask what he meant.
you watched rooster stand in front of your car, crouching for a little before making his way to the passenger seat. he seemed hesitant to enter, considering the rain completely soaked him, but complied when you gestured him to enter.
“look.” your boyfriend held out the surprise in his hands, showing the supposed cat you had killed. “it’s very much alive. just scared. like you.” rooster laughed to himself when you let out a whispered scream, immediately reaching out for the kitten and holding it close to you.
“oh, gosh. i’m so sorry. i thought i killed you. you aren’t dead, that’s good. gosh, i hate you so much,” you grumbled, turning on the heater in your car since your boyfriend and kitten-friend were shivering. “gave me a near heart attack. you and i could’ve died tonight because of your actions, you know?” you nagged, not knowing whether to strangle the kitten or cuddle with it.
you looked at the kitten falling asleep in your arms before shifting your gaze to rooster. he was looking at you with a fond smile on his face, reaching out with his hand to wipe away the remaining tears on your face.
“you okay now?” he softly asked, making you nod in reply. “you had me worried when you were crying, you know?” rooster chuckled as you pouted, knowing he was going to tease you for weeks.
“thank you for coming, bradley,” you spoke, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “i really mean it.”
“it was no problem, angel.” rooster smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead as his thumb caressed your cheek. “i’m always here for you whenever you need me.”
“you are my savior, roo. i don’t know what i’d have done without you.”
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taglist: send an ASK or DM to be added!
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allisoooon · 2 years
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The reaction to Allison has been interesting ,(and mildly infuriating) I've seen so many people saying "obviously" this was setting her up as the big bad villian of S4 which I don't see at all.
I think it comes from a few different things:-
1) people saying they want morally ambiguous/dysfunctional characters but in reality don't unless it's 'pretty' or angsty or something people can easily project on to. I assume there has to be a big difference in demographic for TUA Vs say, The Boys which is full of reprehensible people but the audience expect it. We've seen The umbrellas kill people as kids , I don't think their morality is the same of everyone elses.
2) there are two things I think from a writing perspective probably should have been done differently a) the Luther rumour scene -it brings back the romance subplot that people hated and couldn't even accept as an example of how their childhood fucked them all up, and well, it's hard to redeem SA. Probably should have been cut.
b) there's a certain point in S3 where all Allisons dialogue becomes almost entirely angry/snarky which has lead to a large influx of 'omg Allison is such a bitch!!!!!' I wish there was a late in the series convo with someone neutral like Klaus to give the character a moment to breathe.
3) Lack of sympathy for the character bc we've seen very little of Allison's life pre S1 and in childhood. I've seen loads of people say that she has had a basically cushy life due to her powers, and I think sooo many of the audience believe if they had her powers it would be all sunshine and rainbows. We got multiple flashbacks for Klaus this season (which I loved) but I really think Allison would benefit from some.
4) good old racism and misogyny. I reaaaaallly wanna know what the reaction would have been if Klaus killed Harlan for revenge for the moms or some shit.
Whew, this is all very true. People want traumatized/morally grey characters as long as they're sexy about it (see: Spike from Buffy, who took the SA way further and was still probably the most popular character). It's still bizarre for people to have watched the second season and say she's never had to work for anything.
I also think it's the target, though. Being mean to Viktor is kind of treated like the ultimate sin. People act like he's a little kid. So we get an angry black woman (already stigmatized as fuck) screaming at a small white person people essentially see as a child and go "I understand why she's angry, but she's crossing a line by being mean about it." She's talking to someone who destroyed her life twice. Does she owe it to him to be nice about what he has done to her, sometimes intentionally? Don't get me wrong, their fight was fucked up and Allison said some fucked-up shit, but the issue of the audience's reaction to Allison this season is multi-faceted--and it is an issue.
We needed more of her perspective. Fuck, we needed that scene with Klaus or someone where she says she doesn't get why everyone's so keen on dying and letting everyone else die with them. Put that between the vote and Reg killing Luther and Klaus could help her come to terms with death by talking about what awaits them on the other side. She could start looking forward to seeing Ray again when they hear a scream from down the hall...
...Apparently I have a fanfic to write.
But for real, I don't think Allison's arc will feel satisfying until next season. I think there will be big consequences for her, as many as there were benefits for her this season, and I hope they will come after she has calmed down and is ready to make peace with everyone. That's not even getting into what Harlan could have meant when he said her vibration sounded "wrong" (something to do with her self-rumor, maybe?).
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gamerwoo · 2 years
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[Tales from the Pack] Soonyoung: Imperfect (Part Four)
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Characters: Soonyoung x female reader
Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff!!!, a little angst in the middle, a lil humor thrown in??, mentions of death and a funeral
Word count: 3,106
Summary: Soonyoung has always been desperate to find his mate, often going out into town at night to fill the void of imprinting that he craves so much. Then suddenly, you (quite literally) appear in front of him. He’d always dreamed and fantasized about what having his mate would be like, but the reality is nothing like he expected.
a/n: things in bold are in english and whenever soonyoung says reader’s name it’s meant to be reader’s surname (these are going to be reoccurring authors notes lmao)
Previous | Next | Imperfect Masterlist
Joshua sat on the couch with his legs crossed. Soonyoung sat in a chair to his left looking sleep deprived while he just glared at the older wolf. Josh, however, had a permanent smirk set on his face.
“While I know Soonyoung had to tell _____ all of that one way or another,” Jihoon began, “the way you forced him to do it wasn’t okay.”
“It was kind of funny...” Junhui muttered.
Soonyoung pointed his glare at Jun instead.
“So,” Jihoon continued, “I’m making you make it up to them.”
“What?” Joshua scoffed. “Why?”
“Because he hardly even imprinted on the poor girl and you already caused this whole problem!” he burst. “I don’t know what weird thing you’ve had against Soonyoung since we all merged but you need to let it go.”
“I don’t have anything against him,” Josh insisted.
“You just didn’t want to listen to me when you met me because I’m younger than you,” Soonyoung reminded him, recalling back to their really bad fight they had back in the day. “But I put you in your place, didn’t I, old man?”
Joshua let out a low growl, narrowing his eyes.
“Relax, asshole,” Jihoon put himself in the way of Joshua’s line of sight so he had to look up at him instead of over at Soonyoung. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked, quirking an eyebrow, “Unless you wanna lose the other ear?”
If looks could kill, Josh would’ve absolutely obliterated his alpha.
“Stop that,” Arinya frowned at him. “Behave.”
He glanced at her and tried to calm himself by taking a deep breath, “What do you want me to do, then?”
“Well, our biggest issue is that Soonyoung can’t communicate with _____...but you can.”
Joshua’s eyes widened, stating, “No.”
Jihoon’s narrowed as he gave an almost sadistic grin, “Yes.”
-
Nobody had seen Soonyoung nervous before, especially not because of another person. Soonyoung was probably the smoothest with other people out of everyone in the pack -- considering he was out with somebody new almost every night. But he walked in total silence to Hanbin’s house, a bouquet of flowers held so tightly in his hand that Hansol had to take them before he crushed the stems in his grip.
Maybe Kyung had him beat in terms of nervousness, though. This was going to be the first time she had faced her old pack and admittedly, she was scared. She’d gone so long letting them think she was dead just because she was afraid, and she was anticipating the backlash. Hansol kept a hand on her back as they walked through the forest to see her old pack, trying to reassure her that everything would be okay -- and he knew it would be in the end, but things might be rough at first.
And then there was Joshua, who was trudging the entire way there and grumbling to himself about how he didn’t want to be there.
After what felt like an eternity for Soonyoung, and all too quickly for Kyung, the four of them could see Hanbin’s house through the trees. Soonyoung led the way into the clearing only to see somebody already had the door open and was standing in the doorway, looking down the steps and awaiting their arrival.
Kyung looked up as she pushed her way through the treeline and met eyes nervously with the werewolf on the deck: Baekhan. The youngest of the pack had heard her thoughts before they even got on the property and had shot up from his seat and raced to the front door. Of course he knew you had said Kyung was alive, but it had been so long since he’d heard her thoughts...
The anxiety Kyung had melted away upon hearing the youngest’s thoughts. He was overjoyed to see her alive, and ran all the way to the steps before jumping over all of them. He ran to her and threw himself into her arms. She caught him as he sobbed into her shoulder, and her mind was filled with all of his scrambled thoughts of relief of her being alive and happiness that she’d come back. It actually overwhelmed her how Baekhan wasn’t even angry, but she should’ve known. He was the baby of the pack and always looked up to and relied on everyone else. Of course he’d miss his sister.
“It’s okay,” she murmured, trying to hold back her own tears, “I’m here.”
But the moment was cut short by a new voice. The rest of the pack was crowding the doorway, trying to catch a glimpse at their estranged sister.
“Don’t think this means you’re off the hook,” Jinyoung stated, arms crossed over his chest as he threw a glare at her.
Jaesang jabbed him in the side, muttering, “Let the kid have his moment.”
Finally, Hanbin made his way to the doorway and the pack parted to let him in the front. His eyes swept over Soonyoung first, then Joshua off to the side, and Hansol standing by Kyung in the back, who was still hugging the pup tightly despite Jinyoung’s words. Her golden eyes flashed up to meet the alpha’s, which were unreadable at first. Her heart was pounding, assuming he was angry with her, too.
But his face melted into a smile.
“Good to see you, again, Kyung,” he told her.
She smiled back, “I missed you, Binnie.”
Almost timidly, Soonyoung cleared his throat and took a step forward with the bouquet that Hansol had handed back to him before they got into the clearing, “Excuse me. I don’t mean to ruin the moment, but...is _____ here?”
-
You looked between Soonyoung and Joshua, waiting for one of them to say something. You were sitting on your bed in your room, the pair of wolves following you there to talk more privately while Hansol stayed with Kyung while she tried to patch things up with the rest of your pack.
Joshua was boredly staring at Soonyoung, and Soonyoung was standing there staring back at his brother as he chewed on his bottom lip and held a pretty bouquet that you assumed was for you so tightly in his hand that his knuckles were turning white.
“Um...” Soonyoung finally said, still staring at his brother, “W-what do I say?”
Joshua shrugged, “I’m just here to say whatever you say. I’m not doing more than I have to.”
Soonyoung took a deep breath and let it out before finally his eyes met yours, “_____, I’m...so sorry for upsetting you. I was going to tell you, just...not like that.”
Joshua relayed the message, word for word, but with absolutely no emotion as he leaned back against your wall by the window.
Soonyoung turned his attention back to his brother with an annoyed look on his face, “Could you put a little more heart into this? I know I don’t speak English but your tone is that of a piece of cardboard.”
“Um,” you spoke up, assuming Josh was about to translate whatever Soonyoung had said, “before you say anything, Joshua…should I…get Rika instead?”
Joshua let out a groan and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He felt kind of like he had to put more effort in if you were asking.
“No,” he replied begrudgingly. “Just keep going.”
Soonyoung seemed unsure but sighed and kept going, “I wanted to make it up to you -- and so you know, my pack definitely helped me with this idea.”
“He wants to make it up to you, but we came up with the idea because Soonyoung was too panicked to think straight.”
“Panicked?”
Joshua actually chuckled, giving you a half-smile, “He thought he pissed you off and you’d basically commit suicide and not accept him.”
“Excuse me, what’re you saying?” Soonyoung asked in a slightly annoyed tone. “Don’t go off-script when you’re the one who got me into this mess in the first place.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Go ahead.”
“_____,” Soonyoung said after clearing his throat. He paused to remember exactly what Hansol and Kyung had taught him on the way over here, even asking them to correct his pronunciation to make sure this was as perfect as possible. Then he held out the flowers toward you, “will you go on a date with me?”
You stood from your bed, eyebrows raised in surprise. You looked at the bouquet held out to you, up to Soonyoung, over to Joshua who just kind of moved his hand slightly like he was urging you to say something, and then back at Soonyoung and back down at the flowers. Slowly, you took them with both hands before looking back up at Soonyoung, your face feeling like it was a million degrees.
“Y-yes,” you said in a wavering voice that very clearly showed your nerves.
Soonyoung was beaming, heart about to beat out of his chest as he purred in delight, unable to control it. He wasn’t embarrassed about it anyway. His excited babbling of plans immediately began and, overwhelmed, you turned to Josh.
“He said he knows a great place he wants to take you,” he explained in short. “I would tell you the rest but it’s mostly just talking about how good their steak is. I promise, it’s nothing too important.”
“Um...can I, uh...get ready first?” you asked quietly.
Joshua looked a little taken off guard, “Oh yeah! Yeah, yeah, no worries. I’ll take him to wait outside. You can meet us whenever you’re ready -- trust me, he’ll wait however long it takes.”
Soonyoung looked really confused as Joshua led basically pushed him out of the room, just saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go,” as he went. The door closed and you were left standing in the middle of your room, still holding the flowers Soonyoung had got for you. Even as he was shoved down the stairs, Soonyoung could hear the happy purrs from your room, which made him smile.
-
At first, it was mostly just pleasantries shared between Kyung and her old pack. They knew how stressed out you were about the mating thing, so they didn’t want to add onto that with stressful conversation that you would no doubt hear as you got ready for your date upstairs. So after you had showered, brushed your hair and teeth, and changed your clothes over and over -- the mates came in handy for picking ‘the perfect first date outfit’ -- you were out the door and off with Soonyoung and Joshua.
And that was when the real conversation began.
“So what happened?” Hanbin asked simply, no indication in his tone if he was angry or upset.
Kyung sighed, looking at her hands that were wrapped around her mug of hot tea that sat on the table, “I...don’t have an excuse or a good reason. I was just a coward about it. I was afraid to come back.”
“So then why did you?” Jinyoung spat.
“Jinyoung!” Jimin hissed.
“I mean...he has a point...” Jaesang said slowly. “After all this time, why suddenly build up the courage to come back?”
“Sorry to interject, but we’ve had a new mate come into the pack,” Hansol spoke up. “Having her integrated was...a lot.”
“Josh didn’t take to her well,” Kyung said bluntly.
Hyojun looked surprised and scoffed under his breath, “I’m shocked to hear he took to her at all.”
“So that’s something we’ve been dealing with since...everthing,” Hansol concluded.
“But it’s still no excuse,” Kyung insisted.
“Clearly Kyung is sorry and knows what she did was wrong,” Rika stated. “Can we move on? At least she came back. She didn’t have to; it’s not like we’re her pack anymore.”
“But do you know how many of our pack have gone missing never to be heard from again? How many have died?” Jinyoung pointed out. “We’ve gone through this shit too much. Kyung going missing was devastating. Don’t act like you weren’t a wreck during the funeral.”
Kyung’s heart stopped, “Y-you...held a funeral for me?”
“Of course,” Hanbin replied. “We thought you died, and you were part of the pack -- you were the alpha.”
“I...technically never was. Nobody felt the pull to me because I’d already kinda...belonged somewhere else.”
Hansol softly squeezed her hand.
“Still, we wanted to honor you,” Hanbin shrugged.
Memories of the funeral flashed through Kyung and Hansol’s minds: Hanbin choking back tears; her brothers standing solemnly around the memorial while the mates cried into their shoulders; Baekhan having a breakdown and being inconsolable despite Rika’s best efforts; you just standing there, staring down at the memorial and not moving a muscle before disappearing into thin air for the next few days. Kyung looked over to the youngest, but he wouldn’t look at either of them. He just looked at his lap.
Kyung looked to each member of her old pack, “I’m really truly sorry. Not just for disappearing, but for everything I did and caused before I left.”
“Personally, I forgive you,” Hanbin told her. “I can’t understand what you were feeling because I’ve never had to go through something like that. Therefore, I can’t judge why you did what you did and acted how you did.”
“I...need some time,” Jinyoung finally decided with a grimace as he avoided eye contact. 
“I don’t care if it takes you my whole existence to forgive me,” she told them, “I’m just happy to see you guys again.”
‘Not as happy as us,’ Baekhan was smiling softly at her, ‘even if some of us won’t admit it. We’re glad you’re safe -- all of us.’
Kyung felt like a significant amount of weight had been lifted from her chest and she could finally breathe. And now that it was gone, she realized just how long it had been there, and she couldn’t be happier to be rid of it and reunited with her original pack.
-
Playing translator for two hours made Joshua want to gouge his eyes out with the butter knives at the table. Soonyoung was able to take you on a nice date to some restaurant in town because this date was deemed “an emergency” so they could dip into their savings. But, unfortunately for Joshua, he had to leave his mate at home to keep all of his focus on helping you and Soonyoung communicate. 
“You’re going to ignore them for Ari,” Seungcheol had told him when they were making the plans, “and don’t say you won’t because we all know that’s a damn lie.”
Despite the third wheel, you thought the date was...really nice. Actually, it was the nicest date you’d been on -- not that you’d been on many dates, but still. When you first saw Soonyoung and began fantasizing about your future together, you thought dates would include forest walks or sneaking around the edge of the market, trying to steal any sort of food or scraps you could. You never thought that just masking your eye color and waltzing into a nice restaurant would be an option.
Once the date was over -- you definitely heard Joshua let out a sigh of relief when the check came -- Soonyoung offered to walk you home, which meant Josh also had to walk you home. The eldest didn’t say he was unhappy with that, but you could just tell.
Why was his frustration oddly amusing?
Soonyoung would normally go home with whoever he took out. It was just what he did. It almost became like a habit. But with you? He really had to resist the urge to take you home with him. Clearly you weren’t the type of person to just let body language fill the communication barrier, so he’d have to settle for walking you home and saying goodnight.
Despite his annoyance, Joshua kept up with translating properly for you and Soonyoung -- at least you assumed since there were only so many words and phrases you could pick out and recall the meaning of. So the walk back home wasn’t nearly as awkward as the walk there. On the way to the restaurant, it was mostly Joshua translating Soonyoung’s babbling, and then Soonyoung would try to prompt you to talk about yourself, which would end up with some one-sentence answer and then silence. You weren’t one for conversation unless you were comfortable with the person, but it was clear you were getting more and more comfortable as the night went on.
And after what felt like only minutes, you were back home, standing on the front porch. How did time pass so quickly?
Soonyoung was facing you as the two of you stood in front of your door.
“Uh... Can I, uh...kiss-- Kiss? Uh, kiss you?” he stammered, trying his best to think of the words on his own.
Your eyes went wide, “K-kiss?”
Seeing the panic clear as day on your face, Soonyoung’s eyes also widened as he tried to save himself. Even Josh looked a little nervous about the sudden request.
He wasn’t sure how to clarify what exactly he wanted, so he just pointed to his cheek vigorously and said, “No, no! Kiss!”
The anxiety you felt faded instantly -- well, most of it -- and you visibly relaxed, “Oh! Um, y-yeah, o-okay...”
You couldn’t even look Soonyoung in the eyes as he leaned in and pressed his lips to your left cheek. Your face heated up as soon as his skin touched yours, and you knew he knew what he was doing to you when he stepped back and grinned at you.
And, of course, your stupid uncontrollable instincts had to give you away with the loudest rumble deep in your chest that you couldn’t hide.
And just like that, you were gone from sight. You’d disappeared completely in front of Soonyoung, which only made him laugh.
“Goodnight, _____,” he giggled before stepping toward the stairs.
“G-goodnight,” you mumbled before you quickly opened the door just enough for you to slip inside, and then slammed it shut.
“She’s pretty cute,” Josh commented with a chuckle.
“Yeah, she is,” Soonyoung sighed fondly as the two started toward home.
Inside, you turned away from the door and faded back into view, only to be met by your pack gathered around waiting for you. Most of them were smirking, but some were straight-up grinning and quietly giggling.
“Can I have a kiss?” Jaesang asked in a teasing tone, arms folded across his chest.
If your face wasn’t already hot, it was now about to burst into flames.
“Shut the fuck up, Jaesang,” you grumbled before shoving by him and booking it up the stairs.
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kigeren · 2 years
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Late to confess. || Shinichiro Sano x F! Reader
TW: Curse words, Angst, Grammatical errors and Suicidal thoughts. (OOC)
This is my first time making a one shot fanfic enjoy!
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You are now 23 years old and no longer an unemployed lady; instead, you work as an office worker and you are so focused with your work that you don't even bother to text your best friend, Shinichiro Sano, on your flip phone to ask how he is doing.
Your feelings and the desire to confess to Shinichiro are gradually slipping away because you've always been so busy, working endlessly to earn your wage without taking breaks. You don't even feel like a human at all; you feel like a robot who works nonstop simply to maintain financial stability. You wanted to run away from the torment known as "Work," but you realize that you are Twenty-three and you are required to "Work” and sacrifice your mental health.
However, there was a time when you had your day off in your small apartment and suddenly broke down. You  rushed to open the flip phone and read all the texts from Shinichiro while sobbing just to calm down.
‘Why did I suddenly keep on Ignoring his messages ? I would always respond to his message as always, this isn't me at all. Am I this workaholic?’
Y/n questions herself while sobbing and reading Shinichiro’s messages.
Suddenly Y/n breathed slowly and her sobbing was gone now and suddenly pressed the call application.
While the phone was ringing, she abruptly placed the flip phone's head to her right ear as she awaited his call.
“Hey Y/n! It’s been two months you haven’t responded to my messages? Did something happen?”
"Nothing. I was working nonstop. I apologize, Shinichiro. I'm truly sorry.”
Her eyes are yet again leaking, and she sobs once more while biting her thumb and holding her fist close to her mouth.
Y/n’s sobs were heard on the phone as Shinichiro gulped.
“Y/n are you crying?”
He said in a worried tone.
“I’m very sorry, I couldn’t respond to your messages, I was ve-”
“Hey It's alright I understand that. I'm glad you have a job, but please don't work yourself to death, isn't that terrible for your health?”
“I guess?”
“I see but please, don’t overwork that much and I’m glad you still remembered me.”He giggled.
“I wish I can see you again in person. I hope I can meet you at Mikey's birthday.”
“I’ll try to attend if I won’t be busy. I promise.”
Her lips curved and her cheeks rose a bit.
After that one call, Y/n’s feelings for him were back and she was cheerful while working again and again.
“Y/n-san why are you suddenly cheerful this week? Did something happen?”
Her co-worker said.
“Ah, It’s nothing I’m just really happy that my salary is getting hi- woops”
She laughed out loud while her co-worker reacted to her perplexedly.
“Also I have to go, I need to prepare for tomorrow.”
“Prepare for what Y/n san?”
“Uh, let's say I’m gonna prepare for a date.”
Her cheeks rose.
"I see goodluck Y/n san! Also can I finish the remaining papers so you don't have to worry so much on Wednesday? ”
“Yeah sure, thank you so much for the help Aoi!”
She smiled as she waved her hands goodbye and sprinted far away.
“No problem…”
August 15, 2003
‘This Is it! This is the day where I can visit Shinichiro! I can’t wait to tell something for him’
The phone beside her rang.
‘Unknown number?’
She quickly pressed the answer button and placed the phone near her ear.
“Hello, may I know who I am talking to?”
“Are you Y/N L/N? My grandson, Shinichiro’s friend?”
“Yes, why?”
“I’m sorry to say but Shinichiro passed away.”
She was speechless when she heard that line. “Shinichiro passed away.” and suddenly end the call.
She felt weak that her knees touched the cold floor and tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Shinichiro why?! Just why?!”
She sobbed and sobbed, starting to feel that it was pointless to be happy later on.
You didn’t even attend his funeral ceremonies because you were back from being workaholic so you can cope with his death but your co-worker Aoi suddenly reminded you to visit his grave.
“Would you stop reminding me that Aoi?”
"Y/n-san, but it was on your to-do list to go to his grave. I know Your friend’s death was painful for you to accept, but go to his grave at least once, I'm sure he'll be upset if you don't."
“Overworking won’t ease the pain Y/n-san.”
“Fine I will. Just tell boss I’m gonna visit my friend’s grave”
She gritted her teeth while her tears started to fall. Again.
After several minutes, she went from the cemetery where Shinichiro Sano was buried based on the letter without bringing anything except her wallet.
Nobody was there,It was silent.
You clench your fist in front to the grave as the sun cast shadows across the upright gravestones and the wind whistled through your hair.
The silence broke when your knees and fists felt the ground and you sobbed loudly again.
“I WISHED I WAS A JOBLESS BITCH LIKE YOU! I WISH I WENT THERE EARLIER! I JUST WISHED I CO-”
A loud sobbed was heard from her mouth.
“I just wished…I just told you I loved you earlier before I had a job!”
"OKAY, I REALLY LOVED YOU! I'VE HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU SINCE WE WERE RUNNING THE BLACK DRAGON! I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU WAY BACK, EVEN BEFORE WE REACHED OUR TWENTIES! YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GAVE ME HOPE TO LIVE, BUT WHAT NOW?! WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING WHEN YOU'RE GONE, AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF TELLING THIS WHEN YOU'RE...DEAD? ”
She shouted as she held her knees to chest.
You sat there silently gazing like you were thinking too deep and your under eye taking over your eyes due to how many times you cried.
You cannot accept his death, I mean who would if they heard the news their loved ones died. You cannot accept it you just can’t you were questioning how can he die so early that you reach into being suicidal.
“What If I Die with you?”
“Would that be nice? We can be together…”
Suddenly a very cold wind touched your shoulders.
“I love you too Y/n. No matter how hard life is, I’ll be there watching over you.”
You hear a gentle voice that sounds like Shinichiro and you suddenly tilt your head left to right, nobody was there.
After being silent, sitting on the cold ground your lips curled slowly.
You realized that… It wasn’t late to confess.
END
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And now approaching Le Touquet... I'll be on the road in the next few days, so don't be surprised if the next story won't follow until the weekend. Your strawberry :-)
The house by the sea
It was hard being in a relationship when you rarely saw your partner. It was even more difficult when you were at different stages of life. They would like to meet more often, but their commitments often did not allow this. Also, it was difficult to find a place where they could meet without hurting anyone. For their families, their relationship continued to be a crime. Therefore, they tried to meet secretly. But places were limited. He didn't have much money, but he didn't want to be a financial burden on her either. Only once a year did he accept her invitation to go to the sea with her. She could count the meetings with him on one hand. There had to be a solution he could accept that would give them more time together. And as luck would have it, the solution came naturally.
On a sunny spring day, she visited her mother. After her father's death, she became weaker and weaker. She watched the old woman with concern, wishing she wasn't taken from her too quickly. The death of her beloved father had hit her hard. She didn't want to lose a loved one again. "Summer is just around the corner." Her mother said and the gloomy thoughts vanished. She continued, "I've been thinking. Our house by the sea has been empty since your father died. I know you've always felt comfortable there. You know you'll get it when I die. You could use it now before it expires. Use it with your children or travel there alone to relax. It's not always easy here.” She didn't interrupt her mother, but she was amazed. Her mother never addressed their relationship, so she wasn't sure how she felt about it. But this little speech showed that she must have sensed her dilemma. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Yes, child. You are a happy and fun-loving person. People make it difficult for you and sometimes you are sad. I recognize when your eyes shine with joy or with sadness. When you go away alone and come back, you shine. But after a while it fades, so you should have a place where you can always recharge your batteries and where nobody makes you feel guilty.” Her mother was so clear never voiced. She was touched and hugged her mother tightly. "Thank you, that means a lot to me." "I know, my child," said the old woman.
She was so excited before the next phone call with him that she could hardly stand it. But when he finally called, she was completely calm. That was always so. If she heard his voice, everything was fine. She even managed not to blurt out the news right away. But after they had done the usual greetings, she had to tell him about the house by the sea. "You know my parents have a house by the sea?" she asked him. "Yes," he said. “My mother offered me that I could use it whenever I wanted. Since I'll inherit it anyway, I can take care of it now before it expires,” she continued. She awaited his answer curiously. "That's very generous of her." "Don't you get it?" she asked impatiently. "What am I supposed to understand?" he asked, puzzled. "If I can use the house then we'll have a place to meet." "I seem to be on a long line today," he said, laughing.
"What do you think of that?" she asked. "It solves a problem that gnaws at both of us," he summarizes matter-of-factly. "Do you always have to analyze everything?" she asked him with a smile. "Yes," he admitted. “But I am happy that there will be a place where we can meet without a guilty conscience. That will bring the sparkle back to your eyes,” he added. She had to smile. How well he knew her. Her mother had made a similar claim about her radiance. Only people who really love you can see something like that.
Helloooo, sweet 🍓! ❤️ Oh we are going to miss you but hope you will have fun!
The conversations between Brigitte and her mum. Oh my heart! A mum always knows best and there’s no way to deny it. The way she tells Brigitte everything she needs to hear without even mentioning Emmanuel’s name... Yup, I love the way you found to introduce Le Touquet to the story 😍 Emmanuel not getting it at first and then analyzing the situation hahaha sounds so very much like him!
Thank you and see you soon, Strawberry! ❤️❤️❤️
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lythea-creation · 2 years
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Broken Toys - Johanna Mason x fem reader (chapter 3)
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Chapter 1
Previous Chapter
word count: 2.376
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The victory tour was even worse than I had imagined it, although it was exciting to get a glimpse at all districts.
I had to face the families of the fallen tributes, which was especially horrible in district 10 and 2. The death stares had literally killed something inside of me for a moment. I had to tell myself that it was not my fault. That it had been self-defense and that I had not wanted to kill anyone.
I read out my cards and tried to ignore my inner state.
Fortunately I had not been close to any of the deceased tributes. That would have made matters worse for me now. It would have hurt even more, though the pain and guilt seemed to suffocate me already.
At the party at the Capitol I had to dance a lot with many different people. That was not a problem but rather the fact that everyone wanted me to eat all of the various dishes which was impossible.
At least I thought it was until they presented me a liquid that would make me throw up. So I would be able to eat more. Disgust filled me at that thought.
My parents had died out of starvation. Countless people in district 11 and most probably other districts died every year out of starvation, while the citizens of the Capitol emptied their stomachs with a liquid to eat more than they are physically able to.
The rage threatened to overpower me.
For once I was relieved to hear Snow. He started to hold a speech saving me from my miserable situation.
Quickly I moved away from the liquid.
In the end everything worked out as well as it could possibly have.
On the train ride back to district 11 I realized something though. In a few months a new challenge awaited me. I would become a mentor for a child of district 11.
Once you entered this train, you would never leave it again.
Half a year later I was standing on the stage of district 11 as the reaping was taking place. The only thing calming me was the fact that my siblings were too young to participate yet.
“The tributes of district 11 for the 73rd Hunger Games are Callie Starl and Zet Hubar!”
Both of them were fifteen years old. Thanks to the additional rations during the last year due to my victory they did not look as malnourished as the usual tributes of our district. But one year of proper nutrition could not erase fourteen years of struggling out of starvation.
Seeder, Chaff and I set off toward the train.
This year Seeder would coach me to become a mentor, but next year I would be on my own. The new victors always replaced the old ones as a mentor of the same gender.
“Remember what we talked about. You have to try your hardest to help, but you don't have control”, Seeder reminded me.
We had met many times since my 'victory' and she had become very precious to me.
I nodded taking in her words, although I knew it sounded easier than it was. I doubted that I would be able to draw the line between my task and my personal feelings.
When Callie and Zet joined us they looked horrified. No surprise, considering that we were probably sending them off to die soon.
Seeder and Chaff explained everything that would happen in the next few days while I halfheartedly listened.
“We are going to die anyway”, Zet mumbled.
“That's exactly what I said”, I remembered.
“But you aren't like us! I'm neither good at survival skills nor at fighting. I have always worked at the vegetable patches. So I never climbed up a tree. Unlike most of our district, I don't know a lot about herbs because no one ever taught me. And I might be athletic and well-build for someone from district 11, but I can never keep up with the careers. I'm just average. You can't win the games without special talents”, Zet ranted.
Silence erupted for a moment as no words could change anything. He was right. I had only won my Games because I had been lucky. It had been under ideal circumstances. Their chance was low.
“You are right”, I agreed.
Everyone looked at me, shocked.
“Your chances to win are slim and most probably you are going to die.”
“(f/n)!”, Seeder interrupted me.
But I shook my head and continued: “It's the cruel truth and they both have to face it. If they aren't willing to use everything they have got and to fight on the prize of their lives, their chances aren't slim but non-existent. To win the Games you have to risk your life … and to do that you have to consider dying without accepting it. Only then you will be able to keep going in a life threatening situation.”
Zet let out a frustrated sound and left.
Callie had quietly listened to everything I had said. She seemed to be shy. I could see in her eyes that she had not given up yet. “I'm good at creating slings and other traps”, Callie stated quietly. “And at hiding”, she added.
I smiled at her. “That's a great starting point.”
I advised her for hours and got to know her better. Actually she was not shy but just needed some time to get to know the other person. As soon as we started she got pretty talkative.
Later on I decided to check on Zet and apologize to him because he had not shown up at dinner. “Come in”, he replied to my knocking.
“Zet. I'm sorry if I offended or upset you.”
He shook his head.
I took a seat next to him on the coach.
“No. You were only honest. Actually I'm thankful for that. I hate false hopes. But I needed some time to process the situation”, he explained.
“I see. This is my first year as a mentor. It feels like my Games happened just a few days ago and I know exactly how horrible it feels to go into the arena with low chances to win. I was lucky. That's what saved me.”
“I don't know what to concentrate on during my training or which strategy to use.”
“Do you want to ally with Callie or act on your own?”
“I don't know. In the end we will be opponents anyway. I don't think I could kill someone I really know.”
“Then you should consider talking to Chaff and strategize together with him, while I work with Callie. I already started advising her. So ...”
“No, it's alright. I'm the one who ran away. Now I have to deal with it.”
“Nice attitude”, I complimented him with a grin.
I got up and added: “Don't forget to eat as much as you can. It'll help you in the arena.”
Then I left and joined Seeder. “Where is Chaff?”, I wondered.
Callie had excused herself already to go to bed. I could understand that she wanted to be alone now. She was strong for talking about strategies immediately.
“Off to bed. You did great today! I don't even know what I'm here for.”
“Oh, thanks. I'm used to advising and teaching my younger siblings and I want to help Callie and Zet as much as possible. Otherwise I would never forgive myself. It already hurts to remind myself that at least one of them is going to die soon.”
“That's something that will never get easier. But I think that's good, because it motivates you to give your best as a mentor”, Seeder noted.
“Maybe you're right. I guess I will go to bed now, too.”
Seeder smiled sadly at me as I disappeared in my room.
I threw myself onto the soft bed and held my necklace in my hand.
Rue had been really sad when I had had to leave again. At first for the victory tour and now for the next Hunger Games.
I would never be free. A pawn of the Capitol for the rest of my life.
Suddenly the exhaustion overwhelmed me and I did not bother to change my clothes.
I awoke startled, out of breath, full of sweat. The nightmares had also bothered me during my victory tour. At home Rue was sleeping beside me which calmed me down and mostly kept my nightmares away. But now I was on my own. Lots of restless nights awaited me and I was already sick of it, just thinking about it.
I took a shower and found new clothes inside the wardrobe. Unbelievable that I was inside a train. Before moving to the victor's village, I had not even had a bed, let alone running water.
I decided to get myself a cup of tea.
When I left my room I met Zet and sent him a soft smile. “Not able to sleep?”, I asked him.
He shook his head.
“Do you also want a cup of tea?”
“That'd be nice.”
I boiled some water and put the teabags inside the cups.
“Why are you up so early? You don't seem like an early bird”, he proclaimed.
“I have six younger siblings. I'm not used to sleeping on my own”, I brushed it off while pouring the hot water into the cups and placing one in front of Zet.
We talked about life in district 11 and I told him about the victor's village to distract us from the upcoming games.
Two hours later the others joined us.
All of us were coming along well now and I hated it. It was nothing but torture. Getting close to people you were going to lose soon. How had Chaff and Seeder endured that for so long? I understood the always drunk mentor of district 12 way better now.
Soon we arrived at the Capitol.
When the tributes started their training, it was time for us mentors to win over some sponsors. Though we could not do a lot until our tribute's scores were announced. They were essential for sponsoring.
I saw other mentors trying to persuade the sponsors to support their tributes.
Finnick Odair was definitely popular under the female sponsors. And the fact that the tributes of district 4 were usually well-built and part of the careers made his job easier.
No one wanted to sponsor some kids of district 11. No matter what I tried, I always got the same response: Let's see which score they will get first.
I sighed in frustration as I let myself fall onto an ornate but uncomfortable bench outside the room.
Suddenly someone sat down beside me. “Not successful, I guess.”
“Not at all”, I stated annoyed before looking at the person.
I had seen her before. She had won the Games before mine.
“Johanna Mason. District 7”, she greeted me with a grin.
“(f/n) (l/n). District 11.”
“Oh, I know you. I saw your Games. You outsmarted the careers”, she noted laughing. “And that jump from the tree to kill the boy from 2 was pretty badass”, she added.
The way she said it I almost felt proud. This was all so sick that I could not help but laugh.
“Woah, you are weird”, Johanna noted.
“Thanks”, I replied casually. “I guess, we have to get back inside”, I noticed demotivated.
“They are all fake and only care about their rich selves”, Johanna declared disgusted.
I burst out laughing. “And we try to persuade them to bet on the lives of a children.”
Johanna tried suppressing her amusement but soon joined my laughter. Being a victor and losing your mind were two parts of a set.
“Dammit! Stop that nonsense!”, Johanna chuckled while playfully hitting my arm. At least I felt better now, less lonely.
“They aren't the only actors”, I alluded. “I don't think you are a crybaby nor a brutal murderer.”
She grinned at that. “So you did watch my Games. But why are you so sure about it? I could always be acting as well as you.”
Our eyes were locked as she tried to figure me out.
I stayed silent for a moment, increasing the tension. “Intuition.”
Johanna nearly choked on her laugh. “Seriously?!”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Then how do you decide?”
“I don't decide”, she clarified. “There are people I come along with and people I can't stand.” “That's intuition!”, I elucidated.
“Oh. Guess you're right”, she noticed shrugging it off.
“Hey, Johanna! What are you doing out here for so long?”, a male voice interrupted us.
“Can't believe they let you go, Odair”, Johanna replied seductively.
“Oh. You checked out the newbie”, he concluded looking at me.
“Yeah, kind of”, she responded casually.
Finnick leaned down in front of me, our faces barely apart. “Any secrets to share?”, he wondered with an alluring expression that made me blush.
His eyes were fascinating. Somehow it felt like he was a lot deeper than he appeared to be.
After a while he pulled back blushing slightly himself.
Shit! I had stared into his eyes pretty long.
Johanna was obviously amused by that. “She totally beat you. Seems like your charm doesn't work on her”, Johanna teased Finnick.
It had just been on accident. Usually I was not that confident or outgoing, though I loved teasing people.
“So, you are different, huh?”, Finnick wondered completely ignoring Johanna's words.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Wouldn't say that. But you don't have to pull the same shit for me as you do for the Capitol girls. I'm not that cheap.”
Finnick smiled. He was handsome. I had to give him that. “Why do you think I'm acting?”, he questioned.
“Intuition”, Johanna exclaimed.
“Yeah. And two other reasons. The first is your eyes. And the second is that no one would voluntarily flirt with those dyed chicken like that. Have to go and find some sponsors now”, I declared and walked off.
Next Chapter
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alicxnte · 2 years
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Reach for Me || Clary and Jace
Continued from here. @steleangel
Clary should have known her fiancé would be unbothered by being woken up by her nightmares even when the twilight had long ago poured in the lights of their shared room in the institute that they now ran. The sweat from her nightmare coated the back of her neck and skin making the night gown cling to her skin paler then usual against the backdrop of loose crimson ringlets. She had hoped to get out of his arms to calm down though Jace had always been the kind of boy to pull his lover close to his chest in a protective show even in sleep. The smaller of the two had always greatly enjoyed the press of his body smooshing her form against his. Her blonde angel would usually kick off his blankets in sleep even though he tried on her account though that warmth had been made up for in being pinned against his muscular frame. Sebastian and Valentine had been haunting her dreams in horrifying duets since they had left Kit to get along with the people of Los Angeles Institute as the missing Herondale. She hadn't missed the concern in the golden eyes of her sleepy line at the shadows under her eyes when training in the morning or her lack of appetite. The sketchbook lay empty with scrunched up pieces of her artist block. Sleep still courted the boy as he had staved off her apologies. The witch light Clary had been holding before his movement spooked her had made a roll down the length of the room. It had touches from her style and clothes. Jace's half was still kept like a monk with a few personal touches and a small armory of weapons at the ready. In fact, she had been surprised he hadn't jolted await to attack some unforeseen animal. He deserved rest though he was here caring for her. He had seen her worst in more than just the converse being set in the walkway. The love dancing in his eyes had her body shaking in a sob and her body diving into his chest hoping to just be held and not feel the weight of concern that he held. Bringing up their odd family tree was never fun unless it was some party trick to make people uncomfortable. Clary hadn't wanted to be a victim of her brother and father especially in the wake of their death. Rain battered inelegantly against the windows echoing her emotions. " I didn't want you to know how scared I am of villains we have already beat. You are my home and my world, Jace, even if your head does not need to be any worse than it already is. You already have enough struggle sleeping. I will be okay... I'm sorry."
Clary wasn't wrong.
Jace hadn't been getting enough sleep lately, but that wasn't something that she should be worrying about. He was the one who needed to worry - about her, about the fact that he couldn't remember the last time they had slept through the night without a nightmare waking them.
Whether the nightmare was hers, or his.
Jace shook his head, his arms holding her tight against his chest as if he would tuck her into his own ribs if he thought it would keep her safe.
"Angel," he muttered, voice muffled by those wild red locks of hers. "You know I don't want you to keep anything for me, especially if it's because you're scared. How do we get through things, hm? Together. And how can we get through this together if you keep trying to do it alone?"
He sighed.
"And it's okay to still be scared of them. They're villains - their whole sorry existence is dedicated to fear, even when they're gone. It's going to take time. And I'm here for you for all of it."
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steleangel · 2 years
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"You can always reach out to me, even if it's the middle of the night." (Jace, reassuring meme)
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Clary should have known her fiancé would be unbothered by being woken up by her nightmares even when the twilight had long ago poured in the lights of their shared room in the institute that they now ran. The sweat from her nightmare coated the back of her neck and skin making the night gown cling to her skin paler then usual against the backdrop of loose crimson ringlets. She had hoped to get out of his arms to calm down though Jace had always been the kind of boy to pull his lover close to his chest in a protective show even in sleep. The smaller of the two had always greatly enjoyed the press of his body smooshing her form against his. Her blonde angel would usually kick off his blankets in sleep even though he tried on her account though that warmth had been made up for in being pinned against his muscular frame. Sebastian and Valentine had been haunting her dreams in horrifying duets since they had left Kit to get along with the people of Los Angeles Institute as the missing Herondale. She hadn't missed the concern in the golden eyes of her sleepy line at the shadows under her eyes when training in the morning or her lack of appetite. The sketchbook lay empty with scrunched up pieces of her artist block. Sleep still courted the boy as he had staved off her apologies. The witch light Clary had been holding before his movement spooked her had made a roll down the length of the room. It had touches from her style and clothes. Jace's half was still kept like a monk with a few personal touches and a small armory of weapons at the ready. In fact, she had been surprised he hadn't jolted await to attack some unforeseen animal. He deserved rest though he was here caring for her. He had seen her worst in more than just the converse being set in the walkway. The love dancing in his eyes had her body shaking in a sob and her body diving into his chest hoping to just be held and not feel the weight of concern that he held. Bringing up their odd family tree was never fun unless it was some party trick to make people uncomfortable. Clary hadn't wanted to be a victim of her brother and father especially in the wake of their death. Rain battered inelegantly against the windows echoing her emotions. " I didn't want you to know how scared I am of villains we have already beat. You are my home and my world, Jace, even if your head does not need to be any worse than it already is. You already have enough struggle sleeping. I will be okay... I'm sorry."
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finaledenialist · 3 years
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tojisblunt · 3 years
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OVERSTIMULATION HCS — genshin edition.
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hcs — original, not requested.
AUTHOR’S NOTE. my first genshin work... hehe im so very excited to get back into the writing game ^_^
CHARACTERS. diluc, dainsleif, zhongli, xiao.
+ includes. overstimulation (duh...), daddy kink, size kink, squirting, multiple orgasms, fingering, slapping, mean!xiao, praise, edging
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PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM A DARK CONTENT BLOG.
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— DILUC.
he overstimulates you because he’s not even aware of it in the first place.
diluc is a certified himbo, i swear. he loves u so much and would do anything for your pleasure.
but the thing is.......he’s too focused to realized that you’ve been doing nothing but cumming.
he only realizes once you squirt all over him, your cream soaking his digits and your cum bleeding through the sheets.
“d-diluc!” you squeal, back arching and hips shooting forward into his fingers as he continues to move them around inside of your weeping cunt. diluc’s other hand is focused on your tits while his dick is standing up proud, the red tip angry from how horny he was.
he just wants you to cum on his fingers before he makes you cum again and again on his cock, but poor little diluc; he’s far too focused on your pretty tits to notice that you’ve cum a long time ago.
“baby,” you cry, putting your hand over your mouth to muffle the embarrassing sounds leaving your lips as you feel his finger tips graze against your favorite spots. his palm is catching your clit every time his hand creates a motion, and it makes your legs quiver and the knot in your stomach to tighten.
“just cum, baby, it’s okay.” diluc reassures you, and you want to smack him. he’s been spewing bullshit about wanting you to cum when you’ve been doing that this whole time.
“i-i can’t!” you sob, head thrown back when he stops thrusting his fingers for a second, opting to grind the pads of his finger tips against your g-spot. it sends electricity through your body, and you can’t help but tighten around his fingers, body quivering as you experience a body-wracking orgasm.
you’re crying underneath him, eyes widening as you unconsciously spread your legs further open, feeling your orgasm drag out for much longer than planned.
you curse, squirting all over your boyfriend’s fingers and abdomen, thrashing your head side to side from the overwhelming feeling of a mind numbing orgasm that you just experienced.
“oh.” diluc stills, realization hitting him as he processes what just happened. “sorry,” he says sheepishly, and you roll your eyes. he cleans off your cum from his fingers, bringing your body closer to his lower half as he lines up his cock against your pussy.
“what are you—?!”
“—who said i was done?”
he’s gonna be the death of you.
— DAINSLEIF.
likes to do it because you look so pretty crying underneath him.
and also because he’s a service dom who’ll do anything for you to be happy in his sheets :P
loves to edge you tho... it makes your orgasms make you really sensitive after and he just loves the reactions.
tbh everything u do is attractive to him but if ur extra sensitive? u become a lot cuter to him.
“s-sen..” you blabber, and your boyfriend simply does nothing but looks up at you, keeping his eyes focused on your face to watch for any hints of uncomfortableness on your end.
“repeat that?” he asks, slamming his hips against yours purposefully, hoping to get a reaction out of you; in which, he does. dainsleif knows you too well, your body included. he knows where to hit it to get a certain reaction out of you.
“too sensitive!” you cry out in response to his thrust, feeling your thoughts swirl around as dainsleif begins thrusting into you slowly, before his rhythm speeds up. “no, no, no, no...” you trail off, mind going blank as your brains get fucked out of you.
“you can take it,” he says, soothing his hands over your stomach to reassure you that he’s still there. “my good girl, you look so pretty like this.” he smiles, face showing nothing but complete adoration for you as you cry beneath him, legs spread and cunt almost red from the abuse it’s taken from his edging.
no matter how much you want to finally cum, the stinging that you feel as he rocks his hips against yours is so good yet so painful that you’re not sure what to tell him. he’s been edging you for so long that you’re not even sure if you really did cum.
dainsleif knows how sensitive you get every time he stops his thrusting to edge you. the cries that leave your lips once he begins thrusting again, it’s all so good. but, as he watches you babble incoherent words, he decided that it was enough.
after all, nothing beats the sight of you cumming all over his fat cock.
— ZHONGLI.
LET ME TELL YALL ABOUT HIS BIG ASS DICK. (i would know i experienced it first hand)
dear gawd this man has such a size kink... thousands of years of struggling to find someone that would take his cock properly is finally catching up to him!!!!!
because now he found a cute lil plaything such as yourself who gets off on the fact that his dick cant fit easily
and the amount of times he’s made you cum before being fully in... it’s embarrassing but did you expect any less from a dragon?
“daddy!” you gasp, feeling his fat cock throbbing against your sensitive walls. even after years of experience in bed with your boyfriend, zhongli, your poor little cunt still struggles to take his much bigger cock.
you don’t complain, however, no matter how much your pussy hurts the next day from the stretching it received the previous night. no, how could you complain when he makes you feel so good?
“hm?” zhongli hums, keeping his grip on your thighs strong so he has control of how spread out you are for him. using that fact to his advantage, he brings your thighs further apart, cock twitching at the sounds of your mewls from the feeling of his cock hitting deeper.
“f-feels...i feel so good, daddy...” you sniffle, bringing your hand to his abdomen to rub on it, just for your own satisfaction of having your hands on him 24/7. you’re obsessed with having zhongli’s skin against yours, and he finds it so adorable the way you depend on his touch.
“yeah?” he quips, slowly grinding his pelvis against your sensitive clit, causing your mewls to transition to slightly louder moans. he takes note of how sensitive you can get sometimes, which is why he’s careful with exactly where he’s hitting his cock, but his cock is just too big that he sometimes accidentally (more like purposefully) grazes it against your g-spot.
he feels it before his brain could process your loud cries of pleasure. “i’m cumming, fuck! oh fuck!” you gasp, hands gripping the sheets and back arching as you cum hard all over your boyfriend’s cock.
he quickly puts his thumb on your clit, rubbing gentle circles on it to help ride out your orgasm, and you’re crying from the overwhelming feeling of his hands on your clit. your legs are shaking, and your moans have grown too loud, forcing you to cover your mouth in a desperate attempt to keep the maids from hearing you.
“daddy, please,” you sniffle, mind blank from how fucked out you already are. zhongli smiles, caressing the side of your face before he brings your legs over his shoulders, loving the wide eyed reaction that you gave him.
“you can take more, right darling?” he smirks, doing a few experimental thrusts against your sensitive pussy. but before you could even process anything, you’re cumming all over his cock for the second time.
— XIAO.
LITERALLY ONE OF THE MEANEST!!!!
does it purely bc he loves it when ur crying like a dumb little whore
he just loves to fuck u into oblivion so ur rendered speechless :blushes:
degrades u whenever u cry bc of overstimulation, but gets so soft when u apologize for cumming too much :( i love him..
“nngh!” you bite your lips the hardest you could, eyebrows furrowing as you throw your head back. your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, and the continuous trembles that are going through your body right now has your boyfriend holding onto you to support.
he keeps his eyes locked on your cunt, eyes scanning the way you wrap around his cock perfectly, cream soaking his dick as you cum over and over on his cock. you’re too overstimulated at this point, one simple move from him can have you cumming again.
“you don’t stop do you?” he teases, and you wiggle your hips in place in response to the proud smirk adorning on his face. “feel good?” he asks when he notices that your panting has calmed.
you nod, still lost for words as your brain is jumbled from the numerous orgasms your boyfriend was so considerate to give.
he ghostly leaves his thumb resting on your throbbing clit, ignoring the small whines that leave your lips in reaction. he then brings your legs over his shoulders with his free hand, and you can’t do anything but just give him a hesitant look.
“what?” he asks, leaning down and placing both hands on either side of your head. “don’t you cream so nice and hard like this? hm?” his vulgar words bring arousal to your hot cunt, enough arousal where your hips jumped from the sudden stimulation it brought to your clit.
“daddy...” you sniffle, feeling his cock throb inside your awaiting cunt. he gives you a single glance before thrusting hard once against your hips. hard enough that it would be pleasurable for the both of you.
“you talk too much,” xiao sighs, and you squirm, impatience settling in your bones. “quit it.” he grunts, lifting his hand to land a quick slap on your face, causing you to gasp.
“no, fuck!” you cry, hands immediately rushing to his arms for support as your body trembles underneath his, cunt completely losing it on his cock.
xiao swallows, head going light from the intense arousal that he’s feeling as he watches you cum just from him slapping you.
if overstimulation can get you to cum this easy, then you better be sure as hell that he’s going to fuck you insanely stupid every time.
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copyright © tojisblunt. do not plagiarize, modify, or repost.
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kikixreverie · 3 years
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Hi- may I ask for an angst-mix with Bucky x reader: she had her share of abusive/toxic relationships in her past, but it was nothing she spoke of, and not now when she had James. It wasnt like she thought she was gonna be triggered again, not by him, any other guy- buy not her Bucky! Some tiny bickering evolved to a large dispute, and before she knew what was happening, she shied away from him, making herself small, awaiting the blow - that never came... And instead she was overcome by shame...
Pasts and Apologies
Bucky x Fem!reader
Word count - 3k
Warnings - Mentions of domestic abuse from ex, some descriptions of abuse, angst, trauma
A/n - Okay I definitely went hard on the angst for this one. I kinda just went off on one so not so much bickering and more just a full blown argument but I've been feeling kinda angsty lately so I kinda accidentally made this darker than I expected. Please read the warnings and do not read if you think this could trigger you.
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Love had not been kind to you before Bucky. Every decent memory of your ex was clouded with uncertainty, you would walk on eggshells around him, terrified that saying the wrong thing would set him off and you'd be calling Sam again, sobbing down the phone, cradling another bruise at the hands of your 'partner'.
You were together for years, devoted to and unconditionally in love with the man that you had met in high school. Childhood sweethearts.
He always was quick to anger and he wasn't shy about that. He never had any issues with shouting at you when you pissed him off, just as he never had issues with shouting at his mother or younger brother, but at the time, you had always stood up for yourself and defended the poor woman, making him apologise, and he let you, he always let you clean up his messes.
The first few years were spent in ignorant bliss, you constantly ignored the fear that would creep up your spine when he got angry, but you could manage a screaming match or two, you could manage it all because you loved him, you depended on him despite that he wasn't at all dependable.
The arguments were tough, but you never expected it to go further than that, but eventually, it did.
The first time he was physically aggressive was on his 22nd birthday. He had insisted that he spend his birthday with his friends, calling it a guys night, and you were fine with that, you knew how handsy he got when he was with his friends anyway, so you spent the day with him instead, making sure to keep him happy and spoilt rotten.
As the night crept on, you had tried to wait up for him to return, just as he had asked, but as it passed 3am you decided that he wouldn't mind you going to bed since you had work the next day, so you crawled into bed and fell asleep, a mistake, at the time, you didn't know you had made.
When he returned half an hour later to see you unconscious, he woke you up with his shouting, angry that you hadn't stayed up for him, convinced that you were ruining his night on purpose. The loud awakening was enough alone to trigger your fight or flight but when he threw the duvet off you and grabbed your ankle so tightly you knew a bruise would form, you were terrified. He dragged you off the bed and pushed you towards the door, telling you to fuck off, and you did, tears streaming down your face as you laid awake on the couch till morning.
It only got worse from there, when he realised that he could hurt you and get away with it, it became his favourite past time, he'd look for reasons to shout at you, make you do things that would piss him off just so he'd have a reason to be cruel.
When Sam started noticing dark bruises on your skin, he was livid, and despite how often you'd try to convince him that it's just clumsiness, Sam knew better.
There were rare days that you would have long conversations with Sam, you'd talk about how you'd lost all your friends and distanced yourself from your family but you didn't blame your abuser, you blamed only yourself, and Sam would beg you to leave him but you'd be sobbing in his arms, telling him that you still loved the man who hurt you, that he didn't really mean to hurt you and you'd feel even more guilt if you ever got him in trouble for it.
It was a long and hard journey, but the moment you told Sam that you wanted out, he was there for you, offering you to stay at his place and helping you call the cops. He gave you all the resources he could possibly find through the VA and set you up with an amazing therapist and eventually you were living in your own place, talking to old friends again, and filing a restraining order against your ex.
It was nearly two years later when you met him. Introduced through Sam, you met the love of your life on a Sunday. He was quiet and focused, with hard eyes scanning the room, looking for escape routes, analysing people's faces.
You smiled gently at him when you met, opting for a small nod in greeting instead of a handshake. You stayed near him for the remainder of the gathering, not pressuring him to speak to you, just sitting in silence. You were drawn to him, his behaviour was so similar to yours.
You knew what it felt like to want to just blend into the corner, to stay unnoticed, you understood the need to know how to escape a room, and you saw the way he hesitantly returned your smile and then struggled to chase his smile away once you had sat down beside him.
You and Bucky soon became each other's rocks, always there for the other on the hard days, days that you would spend just walking or reading together in calm silence. There was no doubt that the two of you loved each other, and after months and months of trying to hide longing glances and blushing cheeks, you finally confessed to each other, and the rest was history. You trusted him like you had never trusted anyone before.
As your relationship progressed, Bucky started to notice some strange things in your behaviour, how you'd always ask his permission for you to go out with friends, how you were always quick to apologise in any situation and distanced yourself from him when he was the slightest bit irritated.
He had tried to ask you about it, but you always changed the subject as soon as it was mentioned, ensuring him that it was nothing to worry about.
To tell the truth, you were embarrassed, you were ashamed that your ex still had this effect on you, and no matter how many times you told yourself that he would never, that your Bucky would never, your brain refused to allow you to believe it and you continued with the odd behaviour that you used as a defence mechanism when in the abusive relationship.
You never spoke out of line, you never asked him where or who he was going out with, and you never let small bickering escalate.
It was only after you had overheard Sam and Bucky in a heated conversation, Sam scolding Buck for being reckless and stupid during a mission, that you had your first argument with him.
You had called Sam while Bucky was at the store, convincing him to tell you what had happened and after a few minutes of guilt-tripping, Sam finally confessed that Bucky had practically ran into open fire, endangering himself in an attempt to shut down a Hydra base, it could've very easily been fatal, and it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.
You knew it was wrong, you knew you should've just asked Bucky about it, but you couldn't help yourself, and you knew that Bucky would've downplayed the whole situation.
When he returned home you were pacing up and down in the living room, chewing the inside of your cheeks and your nails to pieces because you could've lost him, Bucky could've died and he was acting as if it were nothing.
"Doll?" You could hear the worry in his voice as he placed the shopping bags on the kitchen counter and walked over to you, standing in front of you to stop your movement, pulling your hand from your mouth and kissing your knuckles.
It was supposed to calm you, and it almost did, but as his soft lips grazed your hand, and his eyes met yours, your mind kept wandering to the fact that he could've died.
This moment could've never happened, instead, you'd have Sam or Steve at your door, trying to deliver the news of their best friend's death, your lover.
"Honey speak to me" He looked utterly confused, but the look only made you feel angry.
How could he be so reckless?
"I just got off the phone with Sam."
He froze, eyebrows furrowing and taking a step away from you, waiting for you to explain.
Your gaze didn't move from the floor, trying to even out the anger and worry rushing through you, settling like a heavy rock in your stomach.
"He told me about the missions, about how you've been acting."
"What do you mean, how I've been acting?" He scoffed, sounding offended, and you sighed.
"How reckless you've been acting. Sam said that Tony's considering pulling you out of missions! How many times have you endangered yourself like this? How many times is it gonna take for you to realise that you could fucking die out there, James."
Your voice was stern, and the tone felt foreign against your tongue. Bucky's kept his face hard, refusing to show any emotion, but you could see the way his jaw clenched harshly, eyes glued to the corner of the room, ignoring your fiery glare.
"Were you ever going to tell me? I thought that all the injuries you got were fairly normal for the jobs you do, but when I hear that you run into open fire, that you make decisions on your own before talking to your team, that you've gotten fucking stabbed in the past, and you never told me, how do you expect me to react?"
He sighed heavily through his nose, jaw ticking in annoyance towards his friend, angry that he had told you even though it wasn't his place.
"I told him not to tell you." His voice was gruff, the words spoken harshly under his breath and you felt your anger flair again.
"What and you think that's okay?!"
His gaze shot to yours, looking at you incredulously.
"Bucky we're partners! You're supposed to tell me this shit, you're supposed to tell me when you've nearly died on a mission, you're supposed to trust me."
"You think I don't trust you?!" His voice was slightly raised and you felt your annoyance spike, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry."
"Of course I'm gonna worry, James. This is a big deal, I can't believe you've been getting seriously injured and not telling me."
"Well, I don't think it's that big of a deal, Sam shouldn't have fucking told you. This wouldn't be happening if he had just kept his mouth shut, but no! Of course not!" Bucky's eyebrows were drawn in tight with annoyance, wishing you'd just drop the subject, "I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing."
"What the hell do you mean 'You know what you're doing?' You know that you're not supposed to endanger yourself to complete a mission, yet you do it anyway. I'm glad Sam told me because otherwise, I doubt I'd ever find out!."
"I don't see how what I do on missions is anything to do with you. Sam is exaggerating. I'm fine!"
As Bucky's voice raised, you started to lose focus, flashbacks of your past echoing in your mind and in his annoyance, Bucky didn't notice the way your eyes had gone distant, losing sight of the man in front of you, the man you loved, and forming the image of the man you still see in nightmares, the man you're so terrified of seeing in the street that you haven't stepped foot in Queens since leaving him.
You could almost feel the sting of his palm against your cheek, the burn of his hand, tight around your wrist, and you tried to remind yourself that it wasn't real. It had been months since you'd had an episode, and your steps to control them were hard to find with the false image of your abuser so clear in front of you.
"Are you even listening to me?" The statement dragged you back to reality and you felt yourself calm when your eyes focused in on Bucky, reminding yourself that your ex wasn't here, that Bucky wasn't like that, he would never, but as he raised his arm to push his hair out of his face, everything flew out the window and in the moment, you were 21 again and you were sure he was going to hit you, your exes face flashing behind your eyes again.
You flinched, a gasp falling from your lips as your eyes squeezed shut and your head ducked down, breathing heavily through your nose as you awaited the hit.
Time slowed.
Bucky froze completely, his eyes wide and frantic as he quickly stumbled away from you, shaking his head as self-hatred ran through his veins, disgusted at himself for making you think even in the slightest, that he would ever hurt you.
"Doll?" He sounded absolutely broken.
Your head shot up, panic flooding through you when you realised what you had done and pain replacing the feeling when you saw the agony on Bucky's face.
"Y/n, I- I would never-" He kept his voice at a pained whisper, not wanting to scare you further as he stayed at a distance.
You collapsed to the floor, sitting on your knees as the weight of the situation pulled you down. Your hands raised to cover your mouth as a sob threatened to tear through you, so fucking ashamed of what had just happened, so fucking ashamed that your ex had done this to you, and you had let him for so long, ashamed that he still haunted you.
"Babydoll I-" He struggled to find the words, terrified that he had just lost you, wanting to reach out and hold you but scared shitless of hurting you more than he already had, "I don't know what- I'm so fucking sorry y/n, I can't- I can't even fathom the thought of-"
His voice trailed off, unable to even say the words and you felt your guilt tenfold.
"N-No Bucky, I'm sorry I thought-" You struggled to speak through your crying, hot tears flowing down your cheeks as you rocked yourself gently in an attempt to self-soothe.
"Why are you apologising honey? This is on me, this is-"
"No, it isn't, I promise Buck this isn't you, it's.." You couldn't get the words out, you couldn't tell him, "Just come here, please."
You wanted him to wrap his arms around you, you needed him to know that it wasn't him, you know the way his mind works and you knew that by now he would already be drowning in guilt and self-hatred.
"I don't think that I should. I don't want to hurt you, I can't- I can't hurt you" You smiled at him gently through your tears and your chin wobbled as you saw the tears running down his cheeks too.
"It's okay. I'm okay Bucky, I just- I-I need you over here, I need you - I need you to touch me. I need you."
He was over in an instant, falling to the floor beside you and letting out a huge sigh of relief when you instantly wrapped yourself around him, tucking your head into the crook of his neck and crawling into his lap, needing to be as close to him as possible, to rid the memories of the pain, to remind yourself that his touch is good, his touch is safe.
Arms enveloped you and he held you as tight as possible, the both of you crying.
After the two of you had calmed down and a comfortable silence enveloped you, Bucky knew he would have to break it.
"Why did you think that I would hit you?" He asked, his voice tentative and gentle and you sighed, knowing that it was time for you to tell him.
"I didn't, I don't, I promise."
You lifted your head from his shoulder but still stayed on his lap, instead, resting your forehead against his.
"Then why-?"
"I thought I was better, I-I thought it was all over but I just- I lost myself again. Everything got all foggy and I lost where I was and I just, I thought I was there but-" The floodgates opened again and you knew that Bucky had no clue what you were talking about but the words just kept coming.
Bucky's eyebrows were furrowed tightly and when your vague, confusing explanation only made his worry grow, he felt himself pulling you even tighter against him.
"Doll, Did someone hurt you? Is that why you're always walking on eggshells around me? Is that what the nightmares are about?" He struggled against the words, not wanting to say them because he didn't want to believe them and he watched in agony as you swallowed hard and nodded slowly, your hands coming to rest on the back of his neck as you continued to hold your forehead against his.
He refused to let his anger show, he wouldn't do that to you, especially with you so fragile, but he couldn't hide the pained shaky breath he let out at your confession, "Fuck, I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Was it your ex? Did he hurt you?"
You nodded again, doing your breathing exercises, and calming yourself so that you could explain your situation fully to your partner.
"I should've told you, I know, I just, I'm so angry that I'm still like this, I just wish it would all go away and I could forget about what he did. I thought I was better. I can't stand that I'm still so haunted by that asshole" Bucky nodded along as you spoke, brushing his fingers up and down your back to help calm you.
"It's okay, Doll. Things like that don't just go away. Believe me, I wish they did too, but things will get better, I promise you that. Thank you for telling me."
You scoffed in self-deprecation, "I should've told you ages ago."
"That doesn't matter, you've told me now, and I'm sure it wasn't easy, so thank you for sharing" His voice was so gentle, his hands caressing your back almost making you feel sleepy.
"And Buck?" He hummed in response, letting you know that he was listening, "About the mission thing, I'm just worried about you. I can't lose you, I need you, and I need you alive."
A gentle smile lifted his frown and he nodded in understanding, feeling bad for getting mad in the first place, and you leaned back, looking down at him, your hands playing with his hair.
"I know. I'm sorry for being an idiot, It's just so hard to look at them and remember what they did to me and know what they've done to so many innocent people and I just lose it, all rationality out the window" You nodded at him, understanding how painful some of the missions must be.
"I'm sorry I got so upset with you, and I'm sorry I went to Sam instead of talking to you. Don't be mad at him, I kinda forced him to tell me" You gave him a sheepish look and he breathed out a small laugh, his nose crinkling like you always loved.
"It's okay doll, I'm sorry for being so careless and hiding the stuff about the missions, I promise I'll be more careful, I gotta make sure I always come home to my sweet girl. And don't worry about Sam, you deserved to know and I know what you're like."
You tutted at him and he smiled in response, the adorable, loving look on his face making you pull him into the sweetest, softest kiss which he instantly returned.
After sitting together in each others embrace for a while, the yawns eventually started. You were both positively exhausted from all the emotions you had both just experienced so Bucky wrapped your legs around his waist and lifted you both from the floor, discarding the groceries still left in bags in the kitchen and carrying you to bed, holding you as close as physically possible as you both drifted off to sleep.
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