#but that doesnt matter when you dont fit the minimum qualifications because youre a dumb teenager stuck working over the summer

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#lol i fucking hate working and all i work is short shifts on weekends #it leaves me so fucking drained and every little fuckup is a massive fucking gut punch that makes me wanna break down and quit #and now that im looking for a new job closer to home so i can pick up more hours i have to go through the hell that is job applications #and waiting for a reply and the subsequent hell of overthinking and my dad laughing at every thing i do wrong #like sorry!! i dont have 40 years of experience like you dude!! and everything stacking up makes me want to work less and less #and thinking that im gonna spend a majority of my life in this hellish loop makes me want to fuckin die #im. not cut out for work. im too socially awkward and anxious to do anything involving people and too weak and unwise to do anything #behind the scenes. i cant cooperate with others more than following orders and i cant communicate with them in the first place to get to a #point where i can. im a shitty teenager trying my best but my brain shuts everything down before i can actually build the skills i need for #basic customer service. nd thats all i can get at this point. and likely all that i'll be stuck with until i wind up dead somewhere bc of it #i dont want to spend the next 60 years of my life working and fucking up and wanting to die. let me be a trophy wife or some shit #the only way i can see myself not being depressed out of my fucking mind all summer is if i get lucky and the library accepts my application #because at least there its quiet and i wont need to deal with a lot of the bullshit most customer service jobs deal with. even if im just #shelving and finding books. itd be much better than anything else. but i had almost nothing i could put on the application and likely wont #get hired unless by some miracle or act of god or just fucking something. at least it doesnt seem that they get many applicants. #but that doesnt matter when you dont fit the minimum qualifications because youre a dumb teenager stuck working over the summer #i dont have any excuses for why i cant or shouldnt work so its not like i can enjoy a normal summer and stay a kid for one more year #my parents (esp my dad) wouldnt get it if i said im mortified of the idea of spending the rest of my life stuck like that and want one more #year of being young. theyd probably shrug it off and use the 'i was working when i was much younger than you' card #just. sigh. im tired of this shit. i want to spend my days purposefully doing nothing. not working and getting closer to a mental breakdown #hm. that went on much longer than i thought or meant. ignore all of that lol #the only reason im venting here is because using server vent channels makes me feel like shit. so here i am yelling into the void