#but she doesnt rlly know how rogues work

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

omg i really really love your blog<3 you are such a sweet person and so kind to all your followers and others on here and your writing is absolutely amazing!

i saw ur requests were open and i was wondering if you could write something for poe dameron? a hurt comfort because in your rules you said you wouldn't accept full angst which honestly is so real of you and i completely agree :D its just, ive read so many fics where poe's best friend or squadron member is either in love with him or fwb with him and he starts dating someone and they look rlly in love but then he leaves the person for the best friend and i cant help but always wonder how the person he left is feeling! and i was wondering if you could write something along the lines of this but he doesnt leave the reader and hes not really in love with his best friend or anything im so sorry this became really long but you can totally ignore this or say you cant do it its absolutely alright!<33

thank you sm though and i hope you have a good day!

Anon, thank you so much for such lovely and kind words! You are AMAZING! (Seriously, they have absolutely made my day/week/year!)

This ask has killed me (positive), my subconsciousness had a lot to say, it seems.

Tangerine, Tangerine

Poe Dameron x GN!Reader Rating: M Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged?

Warnings: angst (but with a happy ending), thoughts that a partner is cheating, blood, x-wing fight, swearing (not star wars swearing, because even though Kriff is great, I need to say fuck), Moonbeam as a nickname, typos, rail road sentences, please let me know if I’ve missed a warning!

Word Count: 4494

_______________________________________

It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. 

You’d misunderstood, you’d read the situation wrong, you’d seen incorrectly. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. 

Your radio crackled, “Green Leader, checking in. We’re manoeuvring in 5. Call out.”

“Green Two check.”

“Green Three check.” 

 It was just a kiss. 

“Green Four check.” 

 It was just a-

“Green Five check.” 

Just a-

“Green Six check.” 

Just-

“Green Seven,” you swallow. “Check.” 

It wasn’t just a kiss. 

You patted your helmet twice and rolled your neck, breathing deeply as you settled in. On your left, you could see some of Blue Squadron. 

This mission was straightforward - on a holopad. 

Two teams to escort The Harbringer, the resistance supply ship. It had been damaged by a rogue blast from a tie fighter just as it jumped to hyperspace and had had to make an emergency landing on one of Tre’Ral’s desert moons. 

The crew on board had managed to fix all they could. But without proper materials, there was little chance of the ship making it out of the moon’s thick atmosphere and entering hyperspace. So Blue and Green Squadrons had been dispatched. Blue 1-4 had already made contact, jump-starting The Harbringer enough to get it airborne. 

Due to Tre’Ral’s sun and planet density, the gravity on the moons was a little stronger than most world’s atmospheric pressure. 

Green Leader, Sena, had repeated through briefing at how this would affect flying. How to be ready for it. And she hadn’t been wrong, it was different flying here. Tougher. And you loved it.

You’d grown up on Para, a planet with a high gravity density. You’d learnt to fly there well before you’d flown in space. Being here on this desolate moon almost felt like home. Your movements seemed smoother, precise. No longer needing to overcorrect for your naturally ingrained harsh movements. No longer spinning out and fighting low gravity, finally working with the tide. 

The manoeuvre would see the ships escort The Harbringer out of the moon’s atmosphere and then the rest of Blue squadron would form a sort of 3D star formation around the cargo ship. All jumping to hyperspace at the same time to carry it along with them. 

Simple. 

In theory. 

Everyone had spoken about how practically textbook it was, how easy. 

But then, of course, why was Green Squadron going? 

No one at the briefing had asked, why would they when the answer was so obvious. This part of the quadrant was teething with First Order. With a slow, busted supply ship you were all practically screaming for them to come and play target practice. 

You swallow. 

You should be focusing on that, on the mission. Instead of the utter nonsense that was ricocheting around your head and piercing your heart. 

I hadn’t just been a kiss. 

You and Poe had gotten together clumsily, three months ago, your normal awkwardness drowned out by so much Polanis Red that you almost couldn’t see straight. It had been after the battle of Hurthwen, a nasty dogfight that had everyone hyped up on adrenaline. 

He had been drunk when he kissed you, you remembered that. 

Maybe he had thought… maybe he had believed he was kissing her instead. 

It made a lot more sense. 

Sena was the Green Leader, she was a great pilot. One to be reckoned with. She was kind, she was fun, she was beautiful. She and Poe had joined the resistance together, risen the ranks together. Basically inseparable. Always laughing and joking. She had been in the same squad as Poe, under his command before she was promoted to leading one of her own. 

They had always been close. Always. Best friends. 

Sickness bubbled in your throat. 

You remembered Frizz and Hank talking offhandedly, well before you and Poe were a thing. Both of them sure that Sana and Poe were dating or ‘knocking boots’ as Frizz had so elegantly put it. 

“Two people can just be friends, you know.” You’d said, trying to hide your little crush on the commander. 

“Yeah,” Frizz laughed, “But not them. You seen them together?” 

Hank chortled. 

Nonsense. You’d brushed it off then. Allowed it to creep into your thoughts when it was dark and the base was quiet. When Poe’s breathing was soft and light behind you, his arm around your waist. 

Him and Sana just made a lot more sense than him and you. 

“Yeah, but not them. You seen them together?” 

Yeah. Now you had. 

The Harbringer came into view over the horizon. The seemingly endless stretch of desert was cut through in the distance by a fearsome outcrop of crocks, leading up into a field of formidable mountains. 

Blue 1-4 were already hooked up to the cargo ship, all five hoovering moving together as they flew towards you to meet. 

You wouldn’t have said things were difficult with you and Poe. Well, you wouldn’t have said that before. It was complicated for everyone on the base, most staff were on different call schedules, off-world or on a mission at all times. Having a relationship wasn’t straightforward. There were stretches where you wouldn’t even be on the same planet for days, but…

But you had thought it was…

It didn’t matter. 

You’d gone back to the briefing room, just before take off. You’d wanted to tap the main holoscreen twice, for luck. A little ritual you’d adopted early on. Most pilots were a superstitious bunch. 

That’s when you’d seen them. Sana and Poe. Locked in a tight embrace, their lips pressed together in a deep kiss. 

Your heartbeat had thundered so loud you’d been surprised they hadn’t heard it. But they’d been too preoccupied to notice your presence. 

It was cliche but time had almost slowed, calmed and stretched like the moment you take aim, the second before you fired your ship's canons. 

A flash of the control panel had flickered into your mind when you saw them, your fingers twitching as if you had the trigger in your hands. 

You’d turned and left without a sound. Without a word. Without letting them know you saw. Leaving them to… whatever they did next. 

Was it their first kiss? One of many? Had this been going on well before Poe had taken your hand and led you outside so he could clumsily name all the constellations, making up new ones and backstories to make you smile?

“That one here, you see it?” 

“Yeah?” 

“That one’s the best one, best in the sky. It’s orange and it’s right next to that other orange one, like they’re holding hands.”

You’d laughed. 

“That’s me and you Moonbeam.” 

Moonbeam. That stupid nickname. 

You’d gone to your room quickly, the one that you and Poe shared, and taken off the necklace he’d given you. 

“I want you to wear it for luck, Moonbeam.” 

That stupid smile he’d given you as he’d slipped it from his own neck and onto yours. That stupid kiss he’d given you after. You’d thought that expression was cute when you’d seen it, pure. Now it just seemed like he’d been laughing at you, playing some sick joke. ‘How long can I string someone along?’, ‘how far can I go before they realise it’s all pretend?’ 

You’d left the necklace with the ring slipped through on the small set of shelves in the corner, the one Poe normally kept his holopad on. 

It was idiotic, but your neck felt… empty without it. Cold. Every now and then you touched at where the chain normally lay.A subconscious action only brought to the forefront of your mind by the sensation of your own skin instead of metal. 

Something caught your eye in the distance, a flash of sunlight glinting off the horizon. Dread twisted in your stomach as realisation dawned a second earlier than your scanners. The extra gravitational pressure and high quantity of magnetic metals in the sand affected everyone’s ship computers, causing a brief information delay. 

Your alarm sounded out inside your ship, the radar blinking into life as tie fighters approached from the rock outcrop. They’d used the high mineral concentration to hide their energy signatures. 

“Fuck.” 

The radio screamed into life, orders out pouring over orders. Blue squadron rushed into position while Green scrambled. 

“Blue in place now!”

“It’s gonna be rushed, but we haven’t got a choice!”

“No time!” “Incoming!” “Green half split! Evens left, odds right, let’s keep those fighter’s off The Harbringer and Blue squadron! Gamma pattern!” 

“How far away is the Delta?” 

“Calling in attack pattern!” 

You swing to the right, falling in with Hank and Petal and bank hard, it takes less than a second for you to notice that your squad's movements aren’t as precise and well-timed as usual. The stronger gravity throwing everyone, except you, off their game. 

That didn’t bode well. 

You climb for a second, punching hard on the acceleration to get some height and a clear view of the oncoming and flick on your targeting system. The image glitches, doesn’t hold steady even as you focus. Off by half a fraction. 

Shots fire out from both sides, most missing.

“Targeting not working!”

“It’s out!”

“I can’t get a clear shot!” “The read is malfunctioning!”

“Half a click 4/8!” You shout, as you take your shot, hitting two tie fighters head-on. 

“Good shot Green 7!” You can hear the joy and relief in Sana’s voice. “Half a click 4/8, you’ll all have to manually adjust!” 

You dive, swirling around two fighters before skimming close to the ground, trying to draw their attention away from the cargo ship. You spin, slamming your control harder than you would need to in any other situation as you turn and spike past another fighter, taking out one in the process. 

“Wooooo!” Hank yells over the intercom.

You laugh. “Bet you never thought you wished you grew up on Para right?” 

“Every day new things surprise me.” He banks left, you right, Petal dives down. 

It’s too much of a rush, everything all at once, patterns and shots flying, your ship’s systems screaming as you push the engines a little too hard. 

The tie fighters aren’t moving as fast as they normally do, bogged down even more than the x wings by the gravity. They can’t make their normal quick turns and it’s affecting their strike patterns. 

Good. 

But there’s so, so many of them. 

Explosions fly debris out, and you climb higher. Needing a clear view and unable to rely on your targeting systems. 

More shots fly out, The Harbringer is taking a battering but so far its shielding is holding the hull together. 

The radio keeps screaming, overlapping voices that blur into background noise. You’re trained to only hear your call signal, direct messages. You vear off, narrowingly missing a blast to your wing. 

“-On my tail.” Frizz’s voice cuts through the noise, a sharp stab of dread slicing you open as you turn, automatically looking to the reader, it’s still not clear. 

You climb, twist, fall, see a Green ship, followed tightly by two fighters. Accelsorate, bank. You fire. You’re aiming in a panic now, not adjusting right, not breathing through. 

The shot hits one, before you have to swerve to avoid being struck head-on. 

“Thanks 7!” Cril yells over the speaker, managing to shake the other fighter. 

There’s a scream, a crackle of sound over the system. A sound you know too well. You see the ship crash into the desert, exploding before it even hits the ground as the a tie fighter’s shots hit home. 

Frizz.

“No…” 

“Check!” Sana yells, unable to tell who went down with the system glitching. “Green Leader!”

You swerve around another fighter, everything moving so fast, too fast.

“Green Two check!” Cril.

“Green Three check!” Petal. 

Nothing. 

“Green Four!” Sana yells. No call replies. Balna. Not Frizz. 

The momentary rush of relief at Frizz being alive is cut horribly short by the image of Balna’s kind face that bursts behind your eyes. 

You bank left, right, swerve, take aim, twist. 

There’s a chance, a good chance that you’ll win. All of Blue is in place, The Harbringer is moving up with them. The tie fighters are taking more hits than the resistance, their less aerodynamic design hampering them more than usual with this gravity. 

All you need is…

Another alarm. 

“Oh… fuck.” You slam on your intercom. “Z-Fighter!” 

A chorus of yells answer you. 

A Z-fighter, a quick moving ship a fraction bigger than The Harbringer, with two powerful front guns. A few shots would take the cargo ship out completely. 

And with how slow the supply ship was moving, that wouldn’t be hard. 

The Z-fighter storms in, moving fast but not firing, they were obviously having problems with their targeting too, needing a close clear shot. 

“Take out the main cannons!” Sana yells, the panic in her voice cutting through the chaos. You turn, aim, take out a tie fighter but have to veer up at the last second. Twist. 

Someone comes in after you, aiming for the cannons, a fighter clips their side and they can’t correct quick enough. They spiral off, their ship crashing into the Z-fighter. Obliterated on impact. The Z-fighter seemingly unaffected. 

You loop back, adrenaline blinding you to everything, anything that’s not the goal. Take out the canons. Take out the canons. People are counting on you. Take out the canons. 

You fire, a clear shot before you bank to the side to avoid a direct hit to your hull. 

It’s not enough.

You need to pass again, and again. Other x wings flying in, taking shots, the gravity making them slow, imprecise. Only one blast hits and it’s not full on.You’re the only one hitting directly and it’s not enough. 

It’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s not enough.

There’s shouting and screaming, the zipping of the fighters as they cut through the sky. Someone yells your name and you don’t hear it. 

Another hit lands. One canon out. Only one left. You can do this. The Harbringer is nearly in the upper atmosphere, they can jump from there. Just a few more seconds. You can do this.

“Black Leader!” Poe’s call sign cuts over the dim, followed by the call signs of half of the Red Squadron.

They must have scrambled after first contact. 

The canon’s powering up, a quick glance to your panel tells you that The Harbringer’s shield is barely functioning. They won’t survive a direct hit. With how close they are and the Blue Squadron ships that are attached there’s no way they wouldn’t be pulled down too if The Harbringer fell. 

The canon needs more than one hit to take it down, more than five. No way you can shoot five times before they fire. 

You twist, full force. Pumping the acceleration. Fire. Fire. Fire. Three hit. You don’t slow down. Fire. Fire. Fire. They hit. The canon is still operational. 

Sana is screaming orders, so many shots fire at the canon, none of them hit right, hit full on. 

Two chances left. 

One to fire. If it takes out the canon you just have enough time to serve up, to avoid getting smashed to bits. 

Poe shouts for you over the intercom. 

You don’t answer.

One to fire. If it doesn’t take out the canon then… then you crashing into it head on will. 

Poe yells again, this time cutting over everyone else, sending you a direct call. 

You don’t answer.

You fire. Hit. 

Poe screams for you, his voice painful and panicked. He’s already worked out your plan before you had even thought of it. 

The canon doesn’t go down. 

You cut the call to him. Blocking out his signal. You don’t want Poe to think you did this for him. 

You don’t want him to think you did this because of him.

“Green Seven!” Sana yells, seemingly knowing what you’re going to do. 

Hank screams your name over the radio. It hurts. You think it’s the worst sound you’ve ever heard. 

“Moonbeam!” Poe’s voice is ripped raw from yells, Sana has patched him through over her signal. You were wrong. That was the worst sound you’ve ever heard. 

You dip at the last second, not hitting the canon straight on but smashing your right wing into it. The force surprises you, even though you braced for it. The impact sending you spiralling. You try to regain control, try to turn into the spin. Training taking over even though you're a wing and half a ship down. 

Shouts over the radio, you barely make out- 

“-cannon’s down-”

“-Jump!-”

A spark hits, your console explodes into flame, shards hit your side and you yell. Sky and sand tumbling over each other over and over, and you manage to hit the eject button.

The force rips you upwards, free briefly from your burning ship. But you’re too close to the floor, not enough time to slow down your velocity. There’s-

.

The impact of the ground hurts. Pain explodes along every nerve despite the ejection seat dampening. You scream. 

Agony is everywhere, everything. You can’t feel anything else, can’t comprehend anything except floods of pain. 

You hit your belt, falling out and to the desert floor. Looking up just enough to gauge where you are, where your ship fell. It’s an exploded, fireball mess far off. At least it’s not an immediate threat. You crawl to the side and sob. 

There’s blood falling into the sand from your head, the right side of your face. You can’t see properly out of your eye and your left leg is definitely broken. Shattered. Still, you drag yourself forward, digging your hands in and pulling as something ribs and tears in your side, warm liquid soaking into your fight suit. 

The resistance will jump to hyperspace, they’ll get out. They’ll make it. 

You just needed to get away from your ejection seat, when the First Order doubles back they’ll see it, they’ll see you. You just needed to get to an outcrop. Hide. 

Make it look like you had a weapon. 

Make them shoot you first instead of taking you for questioning. 

Can’t let them take you alive. 

There's the faint sound of a ship somewhere above, landing gear coming down. 

For a second you freeze, panic gripping your heart, you dig into the sand hard, pull, pull, pull  yourself closer towards the outcrop of rocks. The air seems to be leaving your lungs, your breathing ragged and hot. 

You cough, red hitting the dirt, iron hitting your tongue. 

You crawl, pull. The pain is making you light-headed. You gasp, trying to get in a full lung full of air. It's not enough. It's not enough. It's not enou…

.

When you open your eyes your first thoughts are simple. Clear. 

I'm dead.

You were either shot in the head in the sand or simply succumbed to your wounds. 

But then things begin to feel… fuzzy. Not painful, but not right either.

And that's when you smell the Bacta. And then the light starts to change to distorted shapes, and finally, you recognise Hank sitting next to you.

“You better not be dead too,” you whisper your voice dry from lack of use. 

Hank jumps up, goes to grab your hand and then stops himself. There are tears in his eyes. He softly places his fingers on yours and you squeeze back. 

“You're a fucking idiot you know that?” He grins and you laugh. Which hurts a little, but feels good. 

“One sec,” he moves away just to speak to someone outside before he comes back. “I'm the one that picked you up, you know?” 

“Now who's the fucking idiot?” You smile but your chest aches, heavy with the weight of his words. “You shouldn't have done that.” You whisper. 

“What?”

“You were under fire, you should have just jumped-” 

“I saw you eject. Saw you moving. You think I was just gonna leave you there?” He sits. “Besides, I was closest. The commander would have blown up the whole planet to get to you.” 

You swallow, turning away slightly. Going cold at the mention of Poe. 

Hank mistakes the look for guilt, and squeezes your hand again. “Hey, look,” he smiles, “you took out the canons, you're a fucking idiot but you know how to fly in heavy gravity.” 

You snort. 

He smiles. 

“Who did we lose?” 

Hank sighs, “three…”

You nod, closing your eyes for a moment. 

“There-”

There was shouting from outside, a crash and then Poe stormed into the room, med staff close behind him.

You swallow, sickness building in your throat.

He looked awful, drawn out and worn thin like he hadn't slept or eaten in days. His eyes red. 

He rushes forward, Hank moves out of the way, so Poe can take your hand in his. He leans forward and kisses you softly, carefully stroking your cheek, being gentle with your bandages. 

“Moonbeam…” he mutters and you flinch back from him. He looks at you with sad, confused eyes. 

“Look, I can only allow one visitor in here.” The med staff member says.

Hank stands, and speaks when you frown. “I'll see you later, Poe’s the one that hasn't left your side. The only reason he wasn't here when you woke was because I made him go take a shower.” Hank smiled, “you can thank me for that later.” 

Both you and Poe are quiet as the others leave. Poe searching your face for something, while you look away. 

“Moonbeam,” he says again softly, but there's an edge to his words that you're not used to. “What the fuck happened on that mission? What the fuck is this?” He holds up his hand, his necklace and ring wrapped around his palm. His eyes are shiny as he speaks. “Were you trying to kill yourself? What the fu-”

“Poe,” you breathe. Best to get it over quickly. “I saw.”

He frowns. “Saw? Saw what?” 

“You and Sana, in the briefing room… before take off.” 

The small frown on his forehead relaxes slightly for a moment as his eyebrows raise. “You… saw?” 

You nod. 

“You, but, I didn’t see you when I pushed her away?” His voice cracks at the end, a splinter running into the muscle of your heart. 

“You pushed her away?” 

“You didn’t see that?” He frowns again, blinking hard, “you just, just saw and walked away and what? Took this off?” He holds up the necklace again. A tear falls from his eye and he rubs it away furiously as if it had scorched his skin. “Just, just left it and… and…” 

“I didn’t know you didn’t want it…” You say quietly, emotion is making your chest tight and constricted. “I didn’t know you didn’t want her…”

“What?” He breathes, moving closer and squeezing your hand. There’s disbelief in his voice, confusion. Anger, it’s deep down and controlled but it’s there. “No, look, she kissed me. I pushed her away, I, I even logged a report, I’ll pull up the god damned camera feed to show you.” 

He’s not lying. His gaze is unwavering and he’s got that painfully earnest look in his eyes. 

“You thought…” he shakes his head slightly, his voice pained, “you thought I’d-”

“You both make sense together.” You blurt out. “She’s… and you’re…” you shrug and sigh, on the verge of tears yourself. “You’re both the best of us.”

“No,” he shakes his head fiercely, “Moonbeam, no.” He wipes roughly at his eyes again, glancing down for a moment and you lightly touch his head. 

He looks up instantly as you stroke his curls, still lightly damp. 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

Poe shakes his head again, grabbing your hand and kissing your wrist. “I’m sorry.” He kicks off his shoes and clambers into bed next to you a little awkwardly. He’s trying to be careful, trying not to hurt you but needing closeness so badly it’s suffocating. 

You scooch to the side as quickly as you can in your current state and lean into him as he wraps his body around you softly and kisses you sweetly. 

“Love you, love you, love you,” he repeats after every kiss, pressing his lips to every part of your skin that he can reach.

“Why are you sorry?” You mutter as he holds you, “I’m the one that messed up.”

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry that I don’t make you realise how special you are, how perfect.” He kisses your cheek, “you’re the best of us Moonbeam.” 

You tut but his grip tightens and he holds you tight. 

“And one hell of a pilot.” He grins. 

You scoff. 

“You are.” He kisses you again. 

You nuzzle against him, settling into his touch. Knots have formed in your chest, pain that’s loosening. His warmth is comforting. Home. 

“Sana said she didn’t know I was in a relationship,” he says softly, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I don’t know if that’s true, but… I do believe her.” 

You nod. “She’s a good person.”

He moves so he can look you in the eyes. “Please, Moonbeam, I… don’t,” he bites his tongue, closing his eyes for a long second. “I want to tell you, I want to say, don’t ever do something like that again… don’t… don’t put yourself at risk.” 

You touch his cheek lightly. 

“But it’s not fair is it?” He smiles sadly. “We both do that every day… You know you were gonna be in my squadron at first?” 

You shake your head in surprise and he nods.

“You were, but… well,” he blushes ever so slightly. “I was so embarrassingly head over heels in love with you,” he laughs lightly. “For months I could hardly talk to you, you know I had to down five Polanis Red’s in a row after Hurthwen just so I could ask you out? I knew I wouldn’t be able to function right if you were in my squad. I knew that I’d put everyone else at risk because if it came down to it… if there was a choice between everyone in the squad dying, everyone on the base, or you… I’d let the resistance burn instead of lose you. Every single time.” 

You close your eyes, fighting the emotion that needs to break through and squeeze his hand like a lifeline. “I love you.” You whisper. 

Your fingertips brush against the necklace, the ring hooking around the first knuckle of your index finger by chance. 

Poe slowly moves his hand from yours and unwinds the necklace from his palm before carefully placing it over your head, giving you plenty of time to move away if you wanted. 

“I love you Moonbeam,” he mutters, his voice low, reverent. Then leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back with all your heart. 

____________________________________

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @cocodiem @oscarisaacsspit @whatthefishh @mbakubabe @romanarose @pimosworld @jake-g-lockley @saturn-rings-writes @boredzillenial @lonelyisamyw-0love @melodygatesauthor @steven-grants-world  @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @queerponcho

If you'd like to be taken off the tag list please let me know here

#poe dameron #star wars sequels #poe dameron x reader #x reader #poe dameron x you #x you #poe dameron x gender neutral reader #x gender neutral reader #poe dameron x gn!reader #x gn!reader #my writing #fanfic #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters

[starrazorr]

.

#quick lil tag rant bc my dads driving me bonkers #he's been dming us during quarantine #and its very clear we come from very different places when playing d&d #like he's big on the #'if everyones special no one is' aspect #whereas im like #'no thats why were playing bc we ARE the special ones' #and im playing an archery ranger #which means i get ONE THING #and im rlly good at ONE THING #and im a variant human #so i took the sharpshooter feat #bc duh #and my mom is playing a rogue #but she doesnt rlly know how rogues work #and shes playing her like a fighter #which like #yeah no shit u think 5e rogues are weak #ur not playing to her strengths?? #but i think my mom complained to my dad #about my ranger being 'too good' or some shit #bc my dad just nerfed my feat #which totally ruins the point of the feat???? #idk its INCREDIBLY frustrating #he refuses to let me play characters that are consistently good at something #i think he wants to challenge us #but its not challenging its just making it really difficult to succeed #and not fun #idk just makes me long for a group that wants to play the same kind of game as me

[mothpile]

OK IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT SMOKEWEED AND THEIR CHARACTER ARC AND STORY AND SHIT. ERINS WISH THEY WERE ME WITH MY FANTASTIC STORY TELLING.

smokeweed starts off as a rogue named smoke, who was kicked out of their home by their mom when they were around the apprentice age bcoz that’s just the way rogues seem to work. Anyhow, Smoke ends up finding the clans. They quickly become fascinated by the fact all these cats seem to work together so well, a contrast to the cruel “only help yourself” world their mother taught them.

One of their days of observing in thunderclan actually gets them caught by a patrol, where they are then brough back to the base to be questioned. A bit of talking happens here, and the clan offers to let Smoke join them as they seem curious and r also like. just an Apprentice this is a Three Year Old theyre not gonna kick them out and stuff. So Smoke becomes Smokepaw. Smoke views this as an example of how nice the clans are, and feel genuinely accepted among their ranks. 

Over the span of their months of training though, Smokepaw’s perfect view upon the clans begins to .... shatter. horribly. It begins a bit with their confusion over why the clans seem to want to guard their borders so much. Smokepaw thought that they all worked together, no? But the explanation for this they get is that “Everyone has an equal amount of land to hunt in, and it’s important to make sure no one tries to... break that boundary. If others start coming into our territory to hunt our stuff, we won’t have enough food for ourselves!” which to Smokepaw...makes enough sense to them. at the time. 

It’s when Smokepaw gets to go to their first Gathering, a real moment to interact with other clans. They immediately start getting friendly with other clan apprentices, specifically one from Shadowclan named Patchpaw. (Patchpaw is ... curious about Smokepaw’s friendliness, which gets her to think maybe Smokepaw’s trying to use her for information about her clan, but... quickly realizes Smokepaw is just being nice). Anyhow, smokepaw ends up leaving the gathering believing they have properly made friends with alll the other apprentices. 

They’re quickly taught this is not the case when they bring it up once to another thunderclan apprentice. The apprentice tells smokepaw that “no, you’re not really friends with them. you can never be! what if we go to battle against their clan? would you fight them then? how would you remain loyal to us if you think your enemies you’re supposed to be attacking are your friends?” . This sends Smokepaw into their first big dilemma spiral. They cant understand why the clans would fight each other. They cant understand what’s why having friends outside of their clan would be such a big deal. So, for the first time, Smokepaw finds themself questioning the way the clans are running everything.

It’s during a hunt they were on near the shadowclan border when smokepaw runs into Patchpaw again. They talk, and Smokepaw ends up asking if they really are friends. Patchpaw is caught a bit off guard by this, but. well. when she hesitantly says “i... dont know? im pretty sure youre not supposed to be that with other clans” . which gets smokepaw to ask Why. patchpaw gives the same answer (well. what if our clans Fight eachother). smokepaw asks Why would that happen. patchpaw goes . um. well. over prey i guess? and smokepaw asks again Why. why would there have to be bloodshed over that. there’s enough prey for everyone, isnt there? patchpaw replies “i mean. sometimes theres not? so maybe cats would go try and steal from other clans for food.” and smokepaw asks “wait but wouldnt it make sense to all work together at a time like that? why would you compete at a serious crisis like that. wouldn’t it be more logical to get everyone to work together to make sure every cat who needs food Gets it rather than fight over scraps??” and. This Is The First Time Patchpaw ends up questioning the code. Unsure of how to respond, Patchpaw finds herself Agreeing with what smokepaw has just said. The two agree to meet up again sometime, and , well, friendship. and gay rights. but we’ll get there a bit later i think

Time goes on, Smokepaw ends up nearing the day they become a full on warrior, but time and time again the clans have proved themselves to be dumb as all shit. Their enthusiasm and energy has drained away, leaving them tired and bitter. They still meet up with Patchpaw and stuff. At this point smokepaw rlly does love her. One day, while smokepaw’s hanging around other fellow thunderclan apprentices, one of them asks if smokepaw Likes anyone. yknow. just fun Banter. smokepaw, who doesnt Know at this point you’re not supposed to like cats from other clans that way, lets it slip that they like 1 of the apprentices in shadowclan. this. Does not go well. really it’s just home of phobia at its finest. Obviously the apprentices snitch to the higher ups, and Smokepaw receives a whole lecture about the ‘Importance of the warrior code’ and how ‘yeah you’re not a Real clan cat so of course you cant understand how IMPORTANT the code is’. this is something told to them by the LEADER. a scolding from the Big Boss. and this ends up bein the Final Straw for smokepaw. they fucking go ham and SNAP. yknow how ive gone off about the Issues w/ warrior cats? yeah they do That basically. 

So they have their mini-revolution moment, dragging out all of the clans faults in the form of speech. Obviously other cats end up hearing their rant, and are all...unsure about what to do about this. Smokepaw ends their rant by now rejecting the name the clan has given them, and swears that the clans will all tear themselves apart by their own claws. or smthing like that. smthing over the top and Dramatic along the lines of ‘ouroboros eating itself” and whatnot. 

Smoke quits the clan and runs away. Before leaving the territories though, they do try to find patchpaw. at this point, patchpaw has been promoted to patchpelt. Smoke tells patchpelt about everything that has happened, and how theyre leaving. They ask if patchpelt wants to run away with them. Patchpelt is too conflicted to answer this, and ends up saying she cant leave behind her life like that. Smoke is obviously a bit.... saddened. Devastated if you will by this. But they understand, and leave patchpelt behind.

Patchpelt, who was a warrior, quickly finds herself getting tired by the clans bs. She tries to switch her path to become a medicine cat to fix the problem, hoping now she wont have to tag along with the whole “fighting eachother over nothing” shit, but it doesnt work. She..... regrets not running away with smoke. practically everyday. 

Smoke, while away, goes on a series of journeys and what have you. to TL;DR it, they end up meeting Midnight and become a bit of an apprentice to her and learn. a LOT. smoke Super Woke now. They also find a kit/apprentince along their journey, a 3 legged bastard of a gremlin cat named Three, who they end up taking care of. There is also another kid Smoke adopts named Rattail, who. as her name implies, has a... rat tail. Rattail is a bit scarred all over so they have a lotta bare patches of skin and what have you. Somewhere down the line, smoke decides to name themself Smokeweed out of a funni ‘haha. like Weed the drug’ and in a bit of a spite move against the clans.

Some More Time down the road, Smokeweed actually comes back to the clans to see what’s going on. It happens to be they’ve stopped by at a time all the clans are at each others throats. They have a reuinting moment with Patchpelt, who now is like “oh god please for the love of god get me out of here” . so they run off together for Realizies now. 

This lil family ends up settlin down at the Church place in that. Tigerheart Superedition book. personally i like thts a Nice Place and think it’s a fitting and sweet end to let the 4 all get to.. settle down. be happy and safe away from the clans and all their bs. they just Vibe..... and life is good for them. thats the End. <3

#MES GOES OFF ABOUT AN OC THAT STARTED OFF AS A JOKE BUT THEN GOT SERIOUS. <3 #moth talk

[invalescos-blog]

( john boyega + cismale + he/him ) — there’s a rumor running around about a survivor called david adeyemi. they are said to be twenty-six years old, from bellflower, california, and have been labeled the reticent. fitting, considering that they are reported to be courageous + boisterous, as well as facetious + impulsive. they are a rogue in san francisco. apparently they are a bisexual + aries. letterman jackets + grass stains.

hello hello beautiful people ! i’m astra and i’m just happy 2 be here and party with u lovely ppl. honestly... i am #emotional just thinkin’ bout this rp like the happy baby i am. anyways, i’m 18 ‘bout to be 19 and im from los angeles, ca so i’m pst ! i also enjoy coding and photoshop and i am currently focused in the non-profit field as well as finishing school. if ya wanna plot just leave a like and i’ll slide in yo dms real good ;)))

name: david adeyemi

age: twenty six

origin: bellflower, ca

label: the reticent

affiliate: rogue

david was a hopeful, cheerful boy upon entering this world. he went through milsestones quickly, his curiosity for the world around him often outshining the obstacles he faced. his parents would learn to describe him adventurous nature as admirable. he lived life as any other child would: bruises, scrapes, broken arms. he learned that even through pain, there were beautiful lessons. 

it wasn’t until he was 4 that the brightness and the light from within was turned to darkness. he was at his friends hours for a playdate when it happened: a semi pulled out of nowhere as his loving parents drove home from the movie s and before he knew it, david was an orphan. 

from then on, david could remember a growing sense of pain and ugliness within him. anger filled him like nothing else. he remembered having no one wanting to claim him, to take him into their home. even his aunt didn’t want to,  but eventually, she gave into a 6 year old david and allowed him to stay so long as he pulled his own weight. 

david was thankful, of course, but it was difficult to live in a place that he was not wanted and so he learned to resent even himself for his own existence. he grew angrier and angrier, began coming home with bloody fists and bruised eyes. 

eventually, as high school rolled around the corner, a counselor at school spoke to him, told him about the world of football and how many before him learned to channel their anger and emotions through the sport. after a series of fights and arguments, david was tossed into the football team as a last hail mary before they kicked him out for good. 

he grew to love the sport, he truly did. through it, he was finally able to find friends and family, a place to call a community. after practice dinners, pre-game work outs and ice baths — he has finally began to feel like things were coming together. however, the hole that was created by the absence of his parents no longer could be ignored and football wasn’t enough to fill it. 

parties, girls, hookups — it became a regular thing. he became the popular guy, the one guy on the football team who may have actually had a shot to go professional. but alas, the partying caught up to him and by the time he went off to college, he had begun to neglect his studies. it wasn’t long before his school asked him to leave and david was left directionless and broken. for a while, he traveled the country, not knowing where or what to do. 

eventually, david settled into a job at a mall  — a security guard of all things. there, he made friends with high schoolers working the foodstands and people that passed by. though his ego may have been shattered from the loss of a potential football career, he coinvicned himself that he was okay. 

ever since then, he’s been convincing himself that he is okay, and that nothing is wrong. he is a smiling, laughing opponent to the harsh realities of the apocalypse. 

tl:dr ? david is a messy ex-jock turned mall cop with a sad past but is also a puppy and will love u forever 

& WANTED CONNECTIONS.

ex-girlfriend: since david was... literally in almost every state at one point or another between the ages of 19-23, it doesnt rlly matter where ur muse is from. just imagine a young, cool david rollin’ up with his leather jackets and having a vv young and fun relationship w/ ur muse then abandoning them once he realizes he has #issues and hates himself. think of the angst, pals !

party friend: this would be his best party friend throughout his like.. 6 months in college lmao. it would be the guy he went to when he needed something fun. most likely they were also in a frat or the football team so that they could party all night and drink kale smoothies in the morning while they work out. true bros doing bro things. maybe made each other friendship bracelets. 

happier: kinda.. based on happier by marshmello & bastille ?? just someone that knows him well and knows he isn’t truly happy inside and just.. works hard to make him happy from within rather than working for cheap smiles. just some cute fluff !

uhmm.. i have no idea. i just love angst & fluff so i will take any plots tbh ?> happy... sad... make my boy david cry. 

#intro.hell #love me and david pls... #he is...my son #i love him #and i'm too awkward for this :') #also this is... too long #ooc #death tw #car accident tw

[sorrelstream]

Ivypool, Hollyleaf, Thitleclaw and Bluestar?? I really want to know your opinion!

((Lets hope my html works on mobile UUUUHHH))

((Also putting in a read more bc i Ramble a Lot so its kinda long!!))

Ivypool

Do I like them?: yes!!!!! I rlly love her a lot shes a good character!!! I only read up to The Last Hope so idk how she is in AVOS and its been Years since i read any wc book (like,,7th or 8th grade SJSKKSKS) but i remember liking her a lot and she was cool in my onion

How I picture them: i imagine she looks a lot like her grandmas, Brightheart and Ferncloud! She has Ferncloud's soft/round features and ivys color palette closely resembles fern+birchs, while she also has the curled ears and short but soft fur brightheart passed on (whitewing actually had cloudtails long fur but dovewing got that skdksks) . Her gray patches also resemble brighthearts !! Her fur was smoother/softer as a kitten but during her training her fur got messier/more ruffled up 

How I would write them: uhhhh make her the lesbian we deserved....or at least if she Had To Be Het i wouldve paired her w bumblestripe (hes her age and not related 2 her) or smthn,,, anyways i heard in AVoS she and her sister are on the rocks or smthn???? Id have them repair their relationship and if dovewing wants to leave thunderclan id have ivy have a convo w her where its like. Ivy tells her she loves her and will miss her bc shes her sister but if leaving thunderclan will make dovewing happy than she supports her! Ivy and Dove have been through a lot i wish they like actually talked through their problems :"( 

Unpopular Opinion: i wouldve rather seen ivy stay single and happy on her own like mousefur than see her get paired w her cousin whos half her age . 

Hollyleaf

Do I like them?: YES !!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!! I LOVE HER!! shes one of my long time faves and i love her a lot 

How I picture them: Shes the tallest of three and shes actually the tallest cat in thunderclan (she gets her Height from grandma ashfoot whos got legs for days). Shes solid black and blends into shadows pretty well, as well as very thick heavy fur and oriental cat features (Big Ears and Long Nose nya) 

How I would write them: i would Not kill her off thats for sure !!! I also wouldve made her part of the three (maybe even replacing lionblaze bc honestly his power and arc were. Super boring) . I would have kept her alive and have lionblaze or someone die in her place too; shed be happy w her gf hazeltail

Unpopular Opinion: ppl keep forgetting that hollyleaf didnt know crow and leaf were her parents when she killed ashfur?? She killed him when she thought she was like a rogues kids so i rlly hate the "she killed him to protect a secret she revealed anyways!!!!" Bc theres a Very Severe difference between those two events! Holly was freaked tf out bc she was the result of a romantic affair that literally went against everything she believed in 

Thistleclaw

Do I like them?: not at all. I didnt like him in Bluestars Prophecy and i certainly dont like him now that spottedleafs heart dropped

How I picture them: large, muscular, with ragged and bristling fur; hes a gray classic tabby with a fair amount of white spotting and tufted ears

How I would write them: eh. This is more of a writing issue w spottedleafs heart but i rlly dont like how the erins portrayed him as a villain bc he chose the dark forest over spottedpaw and not bc of how he Literally Preyed on a child. A while ago (before SH happened) i had an au where thistle was blues brother instead of snow being her sister and like he believed the other clans were evil bc they killed moonflower and he swore vengeance on the clans and anyone who was intimate w other clan cats for betraying thunder or smthn i dont rlly like it that much anymore tho) 

Unpopular Opinion: just bc he was nice to his wife doesnt mean he was a good character. In bp he actively sought the harm of kittens and apprentices and i dont. Trust like that. Anyways jskfkek 

Bluestar

Do I like them?: oooohh shes a complicated character!!! I like her but i want 2 acknowledge that she did some. Really fucked up things??? That arent excusable djskf 

How I picture them: oriental shorthair! Shes a blue ticked tabby and i imagine her eyes closer to green than blue sjxjd

How I would write them: ohuhsjdhsj theres a lot. I rlly dont like the lostface situation eh. Also i rlly dont think she had 2 give up her kits to riverclan? She couldve said she was a surrogate for thrushpelt who wanted to raise kits (even if he had no mate) and gave her kits to thrushpelt to adopt+raise while she returned to her duties. I think she was young+didnt feel ready when she had kids and i dont rlly take her as someone who even wanted to be a mother that young

(Also if she rlly had 2 give up her kits i wouldve written it so she gave birth like near sunning rocks or smthn so that oak could just take em right away and she could return 2 thunder camp and say there was only 1 kit and they were stillborn or smthn. Mosskit rlly didnt need 2 die but whatever ksjdksjdks) 

Unpopular Opinion: uUUUHHHH i understand why ppl wouldnt like her but ppl who say shes worse than thistleclaw make me a Bit newvous.... 

[ree-archives]

the verzosas

old money, prep, family angst(?)

a very wealthy and prestigious family, rarely seen in public together- save for the family portraits during interviews or in publications. the only son, jonathan, is subject for many rumors and controversies, due to recent events that transpired.

i. the family

Enrique Verzosa (father)

the patriarch of the family- born and raised in america, a product of old money himself. he's always been privileged. runs several businesses, but more focused on oil.

Christina Rose Yale (mother)

was not born rich, but her family became rich when she was very young, thanks to her father's contributions at a technology company. she now runs it, very hands-on and dedicated: she doesn't like losing control especially if it involves their status.

Jonathan Albrecht Verzosa (son)

the sole heir to multiple assets and establishments under his family's name. went rogue and left, also was disowned a year later, although there are no official documents supporting this.

ii. on jonah

"always has been the problem child."

it's not that his caretakers weren't skilled at their job- jonah just thought they weren't good enough to replace his parents. he craved both attention and approval: things he never received from his mother and father. they're basically strangers- they want jonah to meet their expectations, but they didn't even play the roles he expected them to fill.

it started off mild enough, picking fights. being too violent in play. finding a lighter in his pocket. the incident with the dead bird.. then they had to pay for some hospital bills following that. as jonah grew older, it became bails. hush money. bribes.

no matter how extreme the act, they did not reprimand jonah in person even once. maybe they did but jonah doesn't really remember anymore. always busy, always working.

they probably didn't even know he killed someone. or maybe they did, they just didn't care. they had money to burn- lots of it.

so jonah ran away.

iii. sociopathy, interests, fears

ok enough of the formal writing

i alr long planned jonah to be a sociopath after i developed him a little bit more : D his first art was the serial killer one and my partner wanted to pair him up with someone and i couldnt justify having one piece of art and a one liner to sum up my character so now i have this whole lore for him LMAO

he has token characteristics of sociopathic behavior which developed due to neglect, then manifested into action at school. he knows what he's doing may be wrong but he doesn't really.. care for it? its more of a "so what" situation to him most of the time, and the only time he's thinking twice is when he gets caught up in it

jonah does have interests.. he'd never admit if but he likes doing geometry (trig especially), developed a liking for cooking, and conquered his fear of dogs. during his time in prison he's literally had the library as a second home with the amount of time he's in there, related to reading or not :•)

his most dangerous interests are fire and knives. a really bad combination lmao

(the pyromania bit is still under construction, theres limites research on it so it might take a while)

he has a mild case of pyromania- still has a habit of using the lighter for the trash can at his current home.

his pyromania is paired with his impulsiveness. another thing that developed from being neglected. it's almost like a drug to him, gives him a rush. lighting a cig kinda satisfies that and mitigates lighting anything extreme but he doesnt want to die early either AHAHAH

(r-18 content here(?) skip if you don't wish to read)

i'd even go so far as to pin him with someone for a knife kink. something is oddly satisfying about having power over someone, even if it's sex. surprisingly he knows what hes doing- i guess itd make sense for him to study it if he's rlly invested?- very thin and fine lines, enough to bleed or turn red but never leave a scar. he saves the deeper cuts for the back sometimes.. and he ended up overdoing it one time to his partner at the time. that's how he ended up being brought to prison , and the murder allegations came after.

so fear of dogs, and fear of lightning, developed when he was rlly young. tbf he hurt a dog on purpose- threw a stick at it and he got bitten (i know he was a kid but he kinda deserved it). lightning since he'd usually be alone at night (parents gone as per usual) and he had to deal with storms by himself in a mansion too huge for his liking

iv. the murder(?)

i think i'll write abt this another time 😔✌️

#jonah #verzosa #lore #family

[xollos]

ooh time for taz speculation

ok ok ok so pretty much anyone can be a red robe in a person suit right

and with our boys’ death count theyre probably three of those

there were 7 red robes in total, but the one called lup died and was found in the cave in here there be gerblins

so we have 5 red robes accounted for, so there are 2 yet to be revealed

i propose: pringles is another red robe (which probably everyone else has already figured out but im not paying attention whats upppp)

my line of thinking is that the bob has no problem with straight up killing anyone who might turn rogue like they have an entire UNIT of people dedicated to taking them down, butttt lucretia worked it out with the boys after crystal kingdom when she wanted to know why they didn’t run from the lich

so just throwing pringles in jail didnt make sense like why didnt she either talk it out or kill him? because if hes a red robe she can’t let him go free and killing him just gives him free reign as a lich

pringles not having any idea whats up checks out since bbj says when ur in ur body u dont remember anything, and i guess it would have something to do with why he was just like wandering around in bob

nowwww im trying to figure out how lu and bob fit into the endgame showdown

i REALLY REALLY dont think the bob is evil; the relics are most definitely corruptive weapons of mass destruction and the red robes themselves were scared of him, mag was scared of the chalice and the relics are deffo being destroyed so thats good

(plus everyone at bob is lovable and perfect)

(also if theres this super powerful, corrosive bad thing ur scared of why are u gonna dump it off on 2 random strangers? it puts them in danger! what if they use it? why do that? i wanna find out)

with the new info we have im going back through the early episodes to remember what expo there was and lu initially described the red robes as rogue wizards who were experimenting and went too far, and if the bois found any, to bring them to the bob to get information lu said could be vital

but things changed! after the lich showed up, lu told the bois that if they saw it again, to run, just run. so why the change of heart? im still thinking about that. hang with me. 

obviously something changed there. lu learned new info on the red robes. maybe it was the fact that it was a lich that made her afraid? i cant help but think there’s more. there has to be, if im right about pringles.

i think its pretty surefire that there’s a second voidfish containing info on the interstellar war so no one knows about it. i was thinking that maybe, somehow, lu was inoculated, but on second thought probably not. lucretia’s a go-getter and would definitely do something about it. she’s done nothing to demonstrate that she’s aware of anything bigger picture than the relics

except pringles

but not the rest of that stuff. and she would do something about it. 

bbj said something about going to bob and getting answers, so i think its fair to say that she knows something he doesnt, even in lich form, orrrr she knows things that she shouldnt and bbj wants to know how.

so what does she know, and how does she know what she knows? 

also: is she aware of the bois’ status? and as long as they didnt know what was up they weren’t dangerous, and when robbie was wandering around that made him a threat but the bois are good? or was it something about pringles wandering around that alerted her that something was up?

i dont think shes evil. i really dont. shes been so concerned about the bois well being! and shes such a well-rounded character! and i would like to think that griffin would know better than to make this wonderful, three-dimensional, badass woc character be evil.

i was afraid that she was gonna be a puppet, but that line she has in the spa about not relying on anyone else is deffo not something a puppet would say. also i love her.

i deffo think were gonna see her in combat tho. shes so powerful she just tapped her staff a lil bit and instantly knocked out the bois for long enough to set up the trial of initiation. right now it looks like shes gonna fight the bois, but that doesnt mean they cant work things out. kravitz was a big antagonist for a while, remember. i bet shes gonna do some cool shit. i love her.

i think cam thinking well of her is also important in the context of the narrative, and not painting her as a bad person. i was fully prepared for cam to stab them in the back, tho

so back to how does lu know what she knows ok ok ok: lup had the umbra staff right

and there were a bunch of umbra wizards that made cool wands and staves and stuff

maybe the staff lu always has on her at all times is connected to that, dont u think? 

maybe she has ties with the red robes? maybe shes the final lich? maybe she somehow remembered some stuff, not everything but enough to be scared bc it seems like she wants to stay waaaaaaay away from the red robes, or at least wants the bois to hmmmmm im rlly scratching my head on this one “ive stopped relying on others” sounds like someone maybe could have broken from the red robe organization maybe??

oh yeah the solstice carnival! ppl are theorizing that everything is on a loop a la eleventh hour. gundren rockseeker said his dad was locked up with the gauntlet for ten years, and refuge was in a bubble for like 7 years, so it’s been longer than a year. im still pulling that the eclipse marked 1 year till endgame, since theyve been working at bob for over a year now. come on!! how dramatic!!! anyway there were definitely other plane shenanigans going on there

what are those little white things anyway i always picture them as the forest spirits from princess mononoke but like what are they there for

hmm also bbj was so miserable when they didnt trust him after refuge. why did he address his words to lup? whats the story there? 

hmm, and there’s still another relic out there. maybe justin was right and it was love all along.

im gonna add to this as i work back through the podcast but this is where im at rn

also i have memory problems so i probs forgot a lot of contradictory info

#no1curr #just gonna put this out here: lu isnt evil

[benwhlshaws]

ok so this is just a rambly overview over what has happened (sam wise) over the seasons so its maybe a little bit easier when keep blabbing @ u abt him 😂

i will try not to go on tangents ehhh 😬😬

sorry for the salty tone in advance

s1: ok sam is at college & lives with jess, dean comes to him after they havent seen each other in 2/3/4 years and says they gotta find john bc he didnt come home from a hunting trip, sam reluctantly says yes to one case but only if theyll be back in time for his law school interview (☹️ oh child), they do the case, sam comes home to jess burning on the ceiling like his mum, and him & dean hit the road to Find Dad and Kill The Demon.

during all this sam starts to get visions of bad things happening in the future and everyones Concerned, they eventually find dad but fail to kill the demon and dean gets fatally injured.

s2: john makes a deal with azazel (the demon that killed mary and jess) to save dean and Dies (& gets sent to hell), sam and dean are Sad (this is tangent worthy but i Won’t right now)

note worthy middle season things are that sam gets possessed by a demon that makes him do horrible stuff in one ep and in another the first girl he has sex with after jess turns out to be a werewolf and he has to shoot her (Fun!), oh and before john died he told dean he might have to kill sam if he starts going rogue (bc john knows abt sam’s mysterious gifts), dean eventually tells sam abt it and sam is Horrified obvs, season ends with azazel kidnapping sam and other kids with Gifts and sam finds out he was fed demon blood as a baby, sam gets killed and dies in deans arms, dean makes a crossroads deal to bring him back and gets one year of life left

oh and they open hells gates and john gets out and is just Normal Dead (yay) but also lots of dark stuff (not yay)

s3: sam is Upset and tries to find a way to get dean out of the deal, katie cassidy’s Ruby appears and says she can help, mid season stuff notable mention for an ep in which the trickster makes sam watch dean die every day for abt 100 days and then lets sam live 6 months without him just for Fun (dean doesnt remember any of this but sam does), anyway they fail at saving dean and sam has to watch him get ripped apart by hellhounds

s4: i mean u watched this but still 😂, dean crawls out of his grave, cas gets introduced, sam has been hanging out with ruby and starts drinking her demon blood bc it gives him the power to exorcise and kill demons without harming their vessel, also the demon lilith (she sent dean to hell so sam has a revenge boner for her too lbr) wants to start the apocalypse by breaking 66 seals and sam has the power to kill her (hot powerful babe that he is 🔥😏), the angels manipulate the living hell out of Everyone and LOTS OF FIGHTING HAPPENS. also dean finds out he broke the first seal when he started torturing in hell (everyone loves forgetting that but Ok) anyway

when dean finds out sam is addicted to demon blood, him and bobby lock him in the panic room without food or water or comforting words but :-))) (i’m not mad at all). then CASTIEL (another guilty party maybe?? HMMM??) lets sam out so he can find ruby and go kill lilith, which he does and ends up breaking the final seal and frees lucifer (which no one knew would happen except for the angels and ruby & dean was abt to do the same thing literally minutes before he found out the truth LOL)

this season is so crazy tangent worthy but i’ll save it for the Actual Post

s5: sams guilt and self hatred is HIIIIIGH and dean does nothing to help that and the rest of the world loves reminding him hes Evil incarnate as well :-) but ok,

dean finds out hes michael’s vessel and sam finds out hes lucifer’s, lots of archangel and other mid season stuff happens, season ends with sam saying yes to lucifer so he can jump into the pit to hell and trap him in there with him, therefore saving the world and all of humanity bc he is a hero thanks for listening to my Ted Talk

s6: dean has been living with lisa and her son ben for a year, it turns out sam is alive but Different, oh damn! he’s soulless! (and sassy sexy Fun 😎) and his (pure gentle) soul is still in hell with lucifer (💔😭)

dean and cas get his soul back but its so damaged (😔) that putting it back into sam would kill him so they ask death to build a wall between the two (no idea how this all rlly works its been a while since i watched this), soul is back in sam, forgot how the season ends but not that important anyway

s7: sam’s soul hell wall thing breaks and he’s dying and ill and sick and sad and everythings awful and he has hallucinations of lucifer telling him insidious horrible stuff and making him doubt reality and dean and everything and its very upsetting to me thanks,

umm forgot how the season REALLY ends but basically sam sees dean die (dean is actually in purgatory BUT SAM DOESNT KNOW THAT)

s8: my memories are hazy at best but i remember the Basic stuff,

its one year later and dean is out of purgatory and somehow him and sam find each other, sam has been living off the grid and found a gf and a dog after grieving dean, dean finds this to be the most heinous of crimes and Hates sam for it (bc u didnt look for me sam!!! and u had a cushy life while i was fighting for mine in purgatory!!! HOW DARE YOU BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME) and the guilt tripping is outta control this season woooohoooo,

anyway idr why but one of them has to take on The Trials (bc it does smth important for them i dont remember why lmao) and sam wants to do them,

stuff happens and they make sam sick and weak and Sad but they also purify his blood so hes desperate for them bc he’s felt awful and unclean all his life and its Upsetting. season ends with the final trial aka The Ultimate Sacrifice which means death and sam’s like yes! death! here for it 100%! and dean’s like no! why? and sam’s like lol i’m horrible and useless and a liability and all i do is let u down and i wanna die! :-)

dean convinces him not to (in a crap way imho BUT)

s9: sams fatally ill and just. wants. to dieeee and gadreel (an arch?angel) tells dean that he could possibly heal sam if he lets him possess sam and Dean Says ‘sam would rather die than ever let anything possess him again’ aaaand then says yes to gadreel :-)

and sam’s alright but has no clue how it happened and keeps losing time and is fucked up over it and dean lies to him and says everythings A Okay

oh and gadreel kills kevin with sam’s body and sam has nightmares abt it

this somehow resolves itself (not in a satisfying way for me of course but when do things ever) but i dont rlly have the deets for the rest of the season

s10-s12: honestly i basically dont know much, somehow dean has the so called mark of cain on his arm which makes him Awful and Horrible and he says things to sam that are Unbelievable and make me Furious

also at some point dean turns into a literal demon, not for super long though i think

sam is a strong kind and beautiful bean during all of this

mary is there somewhere too somehow and lucifer stuff and the list goes on but you know SHRUG

s13: lucifer’s baby is born! a nephilim! idk how it works age wise but hes in the body of a cute young man called jack and hes a cinnamon roll and sam treats him so fatherly and gently and with so much compassion and it makes me Feel and they have an adorable gorgeous relationship! also dean is a giant Dickwad to jack :-) fun!

oh omg lucifer gets killed in the finale and i fucking hope its final and forever bc I AM OVER IT!!!!

thats the VERY basic stuff and i apologise that its so long... im sorry ur indulging me how do u cope

also i love u and the only person cuter than sam is You 🤗💘💖💕💓