#but readers always say that the general collective have been overlapping recently when it comes to love

[sixthwater]

left alone too long........thinking.....thoughts..........pondering

#im definitely thinking too deep #but readers always say that the general collective have been overlapping recently when it comes to love #and with hollywood and companies and just. #the internet in general really not putting a stop to parasocial relationships #is there a possibility that with people obsessing over these strangers they're subconsciously manifesting someone with some of those #qualities or something like that #because i just find it kind of weird that Everyone is suddenly manifesting someone or finding their soulmate #at the same time #maybe we really are just connected and the world is cute like that #bc i do rmb smth about higher level entities supposed to be a new gen to help reset the erath #*earth or some bullshit like that #but also like #idk its just interesting to think about #also i have been left alone so now i've thought too much LMAO #watertxt

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

Unresolved Issues (M)

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Genre: Smut, angst I guess? 

Word count: about 27k

Warnings: dom!Tae, bratty reader, a tiny bit of spanking, light choking, Tae fingering reader with his gorgeous hands, dirty talk

(A/N): This is for the BSC summer project! Thanks so much to @ironicarmy @jhspetitegf and @sugadrms for being amazing group members, I really had fun brainstorming and working with you guys. I suggest reading all 4 of our scenarios for this project because they overlap and connect quite a bit and it might be confusing if you don’t! Happy reading 😊

Project Masterlist

Summary: Kim Taehyung has always been the insufferable idiot who you can barely tolerate, even as one of his friends. Due to some meddling from your friends, you end up rooming with him on the trip and bonding with him in a way you’ve failed to do in the years you’ve known him, but what happens when you accidentally discover his feelings toward you?

Coffee shops are one of your favorite places to be. The scent of ground beans and baked goods, soft music playing in the background, the general quietness, it’s all so calming to you, and the soothing atmosphere is enough to pull you out of your groggy, disgruntled mood this morning as you push open the door and greet your friends with a silent smile and a wave. After stopping by the counter to order the usual: a medium mocha frappe with extra chocolate sauce on top (you’re a simple girl), you head over and take a seat next to Namjoon and Hoseok, accepting their greetings and small talk.

“You’re late.” You look up to find Taehyung and Jimin sitting across from you with their arms crossed over their chests, eyes narrowed in your direction— though Taehyung’s eyes aim a little lower than your face.

“It’s not my fault that my mother decided to have a rare “parenting moment” and give me a 20 minute speech on safety and boys on my way out the door. And I’m not late.” Your eyebrow arches in defiance, basically having a staring contest with Taehyung as he holds his stance, Jimin having already dropped the act.

“You’re not late, Faye, you’re right on time!” Zoe, Jin’s girlfriend and the mother figure of the group, checks the time on her phone for what you will guess is the hundredth time in the last 10 minutes. She can be a bit neurotic at times, always needing to plan everything to the very last detail, but you love her regardless and honestly admire her dedication and effort with those types of things. It seems like a lot of work. “Now we’re just waiting on Jungkook.”

At the mention of his name, Sooyun shifts in her seat uncomfortably, playing with the sleeve on her cup. You note the way she nibbles on her lip in thought as she glances repeatedly at the door. You know her well enough to find it obvious that something happened between the two of them, but you won’t say anything unless she wants to tell you. Sooyun is one of the first real friends you made in high school, one of the first people who didn’t treat you like an asshole and actually approached you with kindness instead of passing you off as the quiet, weird, artsy girl that always seemed to lurk on the sidelines. She’s the main reason you’re in this friend group, her generally social personality led to her making many acquaintances and friends, which in turn led to you befriending those people as well since you mainly only hung out with her. These friends include Namjoon and his boyfriend Hoseok, Jungkook, Jin, Zoe, Jimin, and his best friend Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung. The clumsy, air-headed, childish asshole that you begrudgingly call your friend. When you first met him, you absolutely despised him. He was the class clown in your 9th grade gym class and never took a single thing seriously, cracking jokes at every convenience and disrupting the class with his obnoxious behavior. It’s a wonder how you haven’t killed him yet. He seems to take pleasure in pressing your buttons, which you have a quite a few of, and even though you know he does it on purpose, you can never seem to control your temper with him. The only reason you even attempt to tolerate him is because you have a soft spot for Jimin and his manggae cheeks, therefore, you are obligated to accept his best friend. Don’t get me wrong, Tae is one of your closest... “friends”... and you know a lot about each other, but that doesn’t mean that your annoyance toward him has lessened at all.

You sit back and watch as conversation continues among your group, everyone listening to Zoe as she briefs you all on what she has planned for the trip— apparently she printed out a schedule with possible group activities and events. You try your hardest to ignore Taehyung as he spreads himself out across from you, manspreading beyond belief and spewing nonsense as usual. Jimin agrees with nearly every stupid idea that he comes up with and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the pair of them, not missing the wink Taehyung sends your way when he catches your annoyance. At some point Zoe starts to freak out about Jungkook not being here and Jin comforts and reassures her with strong arms wrapped around her waist. You’ve never been big on sappy couples, but you have to admit, they are absolutely, undeniably adorable together. It’s amazing to you how they’ve been together for so long already and have stayed virgins. You aren’t even a virgin and you can hardly say that you’ve had any “real” boyfriends, but you digress. That’s honestly none of your business.

“I’m here!” Jungkook bursts through the door clumsily and Zoe takes the time to scold him while you gather your suitcase and prepare to stand up. A man at the front counter appears with a cup and calls out your name and you depart the table abruptly to claim it, bag in tow. Leaning on the counter, you address the man with a smile, and take the drink with you name on it.

“Finally got my name right.” You beam, grabbing a straw from the dispenser and opening it with your teeth.

“Oh! Let me fix that for you,” He grabs his marker and crosses out your name, rewriting it as “Fade” instead, laughing when you blow the paper straw wrapper at him. “I’m gonna miss not seeing you here every week, Faye.”

“Yeah, me too. I always had the best times here, I’m going to miss hanging out here with my friends.” You frown. Recently, you’ve been feeling rather nostalgic and now everywhere you go you feel a rush of memories and then a brief sadness. Yes, you are moving on to bigger and better things, but you’re going to miss this life. As you share saddened looks with the barista, a sudden presence slides up beside you and your face hardens. “I definitely won’t miss this one, though.” You point with your thumb.

“Hello, Kai.” Taehyung’s voice deepens the way it does when he’s trying to seem intimidating, his eyes staring back and forth between you and your acquaintance.

“Hello, Taehyung.” He responds with the same energy and you feel Taehyung shift an inch closer to you causing you to move your arm so they don’t touch.

“Flirting with customers again, are we?” Taehyung’s thick eyebrow raises quizzically and Kai blushes, though he holds his ground.

“Invading other’s personal space again, are we?” You snort at this, earning a smirk from the man across the counter.

“Is it illegal for a guy to talk to a woman without having an ulterior motive? Not everyone is like you, Tae.” You cut him a steely look and he sucks his teeth.

“You don’t know what his motives are, the guy clearly likes you.”

“I’m standing right here...” Kai mentions, heat radiating off of his face from your lack of reaction.

“Yeah, but at least he’s not a dickhead like you.” Before he can open his mouth to say anything, you grab your luggage and turn away. “Everyone’s about to leave without us, let’s go. Bye, Kai! I promise I’ll visit again before I go off to school!” You wave back at him, noticing how his eyes follow you all the way out of the door and how Taehyung looks back at him menacingly once more before he exits the building. You throw your bag into the trunk of Jin’s car and plop down in the back seat, groaning when Taehyung slides in on the other side of Jimin. “Why can’t you go in the other car?”

“I want to sit with my best friend.” He pats Jimin’s shoulder with a toothy grin. “What, is it illegal for me to ride in the same car as you?” He mimics your voice from earlier and you choose not to say anything back, turning your head toward the window to hold your tongue. Instead, you just shake your head and slip on your headphones, turning on your road trip playlist and pulling out your notebook. It wasn’t too long of a ride to the lake house by your standards, maybe an hour or two, and you planned on occupying yourself the entire way to avoid having to actually engage in conversation this early in the morning. Once everyone is in place, Jin pulls out of the lot and leads the way, Jungkook’s car following closely behind as your journey begins.

Taehyung stares at you in intrigue, thick eyebrows knit as he studies you. Your lilac, chin-length hair shifts in the wind around your soft face, pushed behind one ear when it threatens to obstruct your view. Your deep eyes are cast down, focused on the pencil that strokes fluidly across your notepad before flicking upward to take in the scenery, drawing lines that will magically connect into a beautiful masterpiece. He’s seen you do it many times, completely relaxed in your hunched over posture as you look on objectively at your surroundings, copying down everything that you see at a glance. You’re a pretty girl— not that that determines your value— and you’ve got talent and intelligence that will take you far in life and he admires that about you, always so observant and collected. Never cocky, but still confident, yet quiet at the same time. And you just look so peaceful and natural right now.

“The fuck are you looking at?” You hiss. Behind your deceivingly calm demeanor is a sharp tongue. Your whip-like wit is something to behold and it’s almost always targeted at him. You could feel him looking at you before you even looked up, he’s not very subtle. You suspect that most of the reason his eyes have landed on you is because of the strapless top you’ve elected to wear that shows off the slightest bit of cleavage, and now he can’t take his eyes off you. Pervert. He looks completely unbothered when you catch him, barely batting an eye.

“You have a booger in your nose.” He points across Jimin, and you smack his hand out of the way, not even needing to take off your headphones to know what he’s said. “What are you even drawing? There’s no way you can see anything long enough to draw it.”

When you don’t reply, he leans closer to see, nearly smashing the poor boy stuck between you two. “Tae, Jesus, let me breathe.” Jimin whines, pushing him away. “If you’re going to be like this then maybe we should switch seats so I don’t have to be in the middle of whatever’s going on here.”

“No!” You say a little too loudly, causing Zoe to turn around in the passengers seat.

“You two better not argue the whole way up here.” She frowns, glaring at the two of you.

“I’m literally just sitting here in silence, trying my best to ignore him and draw, why am I being yelled at?” You sigh, increasing the volume of your music to increase your skills at ignoring him.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll have plenty of time to talk out their problems on the trip.” Jin snickers, receiving another striking look from Zoe and a high pitched giggle from Jimin. Taehyung looks around, clearly lost (as always), but no one says anything further, so he asks.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Jin, we weren’t supposed to tell them until we got there!” Zoe says through her teeth, as though the two of you couldn’t hear her.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” At Taehyung’s second attempt, you pause your music and listen in, intrigued with what was so important that they felt the need to hide it from the two of you. “Jimin?”

“Don’t ask me, I wasn’t the one who spilled the beans.” Jimin holds his hands up in defense, not willing to get his head bitten off by Mother Hen in the front seat who seems to avoid your eyes at all costs. This time, you’re the one to ask and she finally gives, sighing before sinking into her chair.

“We all decided who wants to room together at the coffee house and everyone agreed that you and Tae should stay in the same room.” When she breaks the devastating news, the whole car is silent for just a split second before you erupt.

“I’m sorry, what?! You didn’t. You did not. You. Did. Not.” Zoe simply nods at your disbelief, folding her hands in her lap innocently as Jin chuckles beside her. The longer you stare at her, however, the more nervous she becomes until she feels like the air should be broken somehow.

“Don’t look at me, it was Jin’s idea!” She immediately throws him under the bus, his jaw dropping in shock.

“Babe!”

“It was! And you’re the one who brought it up! We weren’t even supposed to tell them.” As they fuss about blame and who said what, you’re left in the back, shell-shocked. You and Taehyung. Spending a weekend in the same room. Together. You think you’re going to be sick.

“You guys decided rooms without us?” Tae finally speaks up, not looking nearly as disturbed as you thought he should be.

“Because they were plotting against us, that’s why.” Breaking out of your trance, you point an accusatory finger at Jin’s seat in front of you, wishing you could shoot lasers out of your eyes. Then you turn to the man beside you who finds the whole situation funny. “Jimin, why aren’t you rooming with Taehyung? I thought you were best friends!”

“We are, but I don’t think we make good roommates.”

“But we do?!” An immediate headache forms behind your eyes and you rub at your face. You’re ready to jump out of your seat, but then you remember that you are currently in a moving vehicle. You hate that you’re this flustered over such a small detail, but you can’t think of a worse torture than spending your nights in the same room as that buffoon. And when you look over at the dumb look he has on his face, you start to regret this trip before it’s even begun.

“We are not changing rooms now, it’s already been decided. You guys need to learn how to get along at some point and this is the perfect way to do it. I don’t know why you hate each other, but I’m tired of you arguing all the time, so you either talk it out, or I’m excluding you from all of the fun activities I planned. C’mon, this should be easy. No one bonds faster than roommates!” Not even you can argue with her after Zoe puts her foot down. You can tell she’ll be a great mother when the time comes, if she ever gets around to doing the deed with Jin. She ends with a tight, demanding smile and you resist the urge to dry heave at the thought of what’s to come.

“So, what you’re telling me is that this was all a set up?” She doesn’t reply to your question and you close your notebook in despair. “Why are you trying to ruin my life?”

“I live for the drama,” Jin gloats once you’ve given up, chancing a glance in the rear view mirror to see your expression. “I thought this trip could use a little excitement. You’re welcome.” He shrugs, chaotic as always.

“I’m glad you find this entertaining.” You’re absolutely drained, feeling like the life has been sucked from your face. You can’t even draw anymore, all of your previous energy and high spirits going straight to Hell, the same place you hope Jin ends up. For the rest of the ride up you sit in misery, listening to your music and wallowing in your misfortune as you tune out the other conversations. You don’t know how Taehyung is taking the news, but what you do know is that if you see his face at all before you get to the lake house, you might just jump out the window.

The lake house is right on the water, beautiful wood and stone architecture that blends in nicely with the nature and trees that surround it. This house is huge, easily able to accommodate your group, and you admire the details when you pull up into the driveway. The first thing you notice are the windows, large and numerous, exposing many parts of the house to natural light. It’s beautiful and if you weren’t so angry right now you would definitely draw it. You’ll have to come out here one day and sketch this in your notebook.

Zoe spends an entire 5 minutes talking about house rules and going over her precious schedule so “everyone knows what we’ll be doing this weekend.” Your take away from her speech is that drunk swimming is strictly prohibited, no one is allowed to go off into the woods alone without telling anyone, and to basically not destroy Jin’s family’s nice vacation home or you’ll be paying for damages. Half of you aren’t even listening— including Jimin, who is too enraptured in the task of taking selfies in front of the house, and Taehyung, who is zoned the fuck out and probably has no clue what is going on— and the few of you who are paying attention only nod silently in agreement to everything she says. As soon as she stops talking, you’re on the move, wanting nothing more than to relax inside.

“What’s up with her?” Jungkook comments in passing when you snatch your bag from Jin’s trunk and stomp past him.

“We told them about the rooms.” Jimin answers, nodding in confirmation at the boy’s wide eyes before pushing past to make a run for the bathroom inside.

“Guys, wait here, I have something to show you.” Jin runs inside the house without further context, leaving the rest of you standing outside in confusion.

“Hurry up!” Taehyung calls, leaning against the closed trunk of the car. The sound of his voice makes you want to punch him just to relieve your frustration.

A minute later, Jin emerges from the house, followed by another man whom you had never seen before. He stands a little bit shorter than Jin, handsome face blank behind his black bangs, yet he looks friendly enough. “This is Yoongi! He’s my parents’ new android, he’s gonna be helping us out this weekend.”

You stare for a few seconds, taking in his words. An android? You had no idea that people were actually purchasing those. You’ve seen ads on tv for them, everyone going crazy over the newest innovations in A.I. and android tech, but those things cost a fortune so you assumed nobody had them. On second thought, it makes perfect sense that Jin’s parents would buy such a costly... appliance... person-thing. They’re certainly rich enough. Yoongi greets each of you individually, shaking your hands and asking for everyone’s names. He looks so life-like, you could forget he wasn’t made of real flesh and bone. Jin explains the details of how Yoongi functions, how he takes commands because his job is essentially to be the groundskeeper for the lake house, but that he is fully conscious and self aware, which means that he can function socially.

“That’s so cool!” Namjoon gushes, his nerdy side coming out as he moves to inspect the “man” in front of you. After the novelty of the introduction wears off, you are the first to head inside, too hot and irritated to listen to Taehyung complain about not wanting to carry Jimin’s bag in for him. You walk in to find Jimin walking around the spacious bottom floor, jaw hanging low as he looks at all the fancy decorations and appliances that fill the home. You could tell him that he missed Yoongi’s introduction, but you’re still pissed off at him.

“Wow, I can’t believe we’re staying here!” He sounds like an excited puppy, making it a point not to miss a single detail in his path.

“I can’t believe you’re making me stay in the same room as Taehyung.” You say bitterly, pressing the button to the elevator even though the stairs are right there. He doesn’t even spare you a glance.

“I’m gonna make sure we make good use of the bar back there,” You roll your eyes as he continues making plans by himself, mostly talking about getting drunk and doing stupid things around all of this expensive furniture. You can only shake your head at him.

Everyone moves their bags into your agreed upon rooms, Jin with Zoe, Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook staying together, Sooyun with Namjoon, and Yoongi getting his room by himself. And of course, you and Taehyung. You plead with Jin to switch you with Yoongi and let you have the single room, to no avail, and spend the rest of the time unpacking and sulking, avoiding Taehyung at all costs. You’ll be over it in a couple of hours, you’re sure, but for now, you just want to sit and wallow in your gloom.

“Hey, it’s not that bad, we can-“

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it.” You shut him down immediately, back facing him and jaw clenched as you stuff clothing into the drawers of your dresser. You aren’t particularly upset with him, this isn’t his fault, but he definitely isn’t making the situation any better.

“What the fuck are these?” Walking over, Taehyung reaches into your small luggage bag, pulling out a pair of your most comfortable panties, a pair of boy shorts with cute little bears on them. “Aw, you act all tough, but you’re really just a big softy, huh?” He pouts, doing his famous aegyo that makes you want to throw your shoe at him, so you do.

“Put those down! Not all girls wear lingerie all the time, Tae, some of us actually like to be comfortable.”

“No, I like them. Bears suit you: cute and fluffy on the outside, mean and vicious once you get close to them.” He easily dodges the other shoe you throw.

“I am not mean.” How dare he say that about you, of all people. He’s the one who deliberately tries to piss you off, so much so that it’s gotten to the point that you get irritated if he even breathes in your direction.

“Oh yeah? Says the girl that just threw her shoes at my head.” A cocky little smirk crawls on his lips when you fume, ready to stand up and just say ‘fuck it’ and fight him. But you won’t. And you never will. He knows this, and that’s what makes him that much more insufferable.

“Fuck off.”

“See! Why can’t you be nice for once? We’re going to be sharing this room whether you like it or not, so we might as well try to be cordial with each other.” He looks on as you stare at him in silence, considering his offer shortly before scoffing and turning back to continue filing away your clothes.

When Taehyung leaves to go to the bathroom, you quickly dig into your bag for the embarrassing amount of condoms your mother stuffed into the side pocket, gathering them in one of your caps and stepping out into the hall. Everyone’s doors are open thankfully, so you walk down the hall like a flower girl and throw handfuls of condoms into each doorway.

“What the hell?” Namjoon sticks his head out of the door to find you walking back down the hall nonchalantly, holding the last few in one hand. “Umm?” You turn, shrugging.

“I don’t need ‘em.”

Hoseok pops his head out of the room across from his boyfriend, carrying a bunch of them in his arms. “Thank you!”

Yoongi’s door is at the end of the hall and you knock before entering, finding him opening the curtains a little wider to let in the sunlight. You stand there silently for a moment, taking in his appearance. He truly looks like a human, it’s crazy. He stands at the window, watching the birds and the leaves and the breeze and you wait a few long moments before disturbing him. “Yoongi?” He turns quickly at attention, as if waiting for instruction. “Do you want some condoms?”

“Condoms?” He questions, and you’re not sure if he knows what those are.

“Yes?” You hold them out and he approaches, picking up a package to inspect it. Can androids even have sex? You wouldn’t know.

“Yes, of course I’ll take some condoms because I’ll definitely need them.” He says with a completely straight face, adding an eye roll at the end. Did he just give you sarcasm? Jin did say he’s advanced, maybe you should try to be more comfortable around him. You’ve never met anyone rich enough to own an android so this is your first interaction with one aside from what you’ve seen on tv.

“Well I don’t need them. I was just offering.” Despite his comment, he takes them from your hand with a smile.

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness. You should keep one, too. Never know what might happen.” You nod at his advice, keeping one for yourself even though you highly doubt you’ll be needing it.

It’s later now, the sun nearly all the way set, casting the most lovely shades of orange, pink, and even purple across the sky, the water reflecting it so beautifully. You couldn’t imagine a prettier sight and you wish that you had your paints with you so you could capture this landscape, but a simple photo will have to suffice. Looking out over the water, you stand alone on the patio as everyone gets ready inside, preparing food and other snacks and necessities for your movie night under the stars. Zoe’s idea of course, but you have no complains about her plans. Just then, Tae walks up and stands beside you, hands in the pockets of his shorts as he takes in the view.

“I saw this exact thing in a dream once,” He starts, and you’re already shaking your head for him to stop, mentally begging him not to ruin this perfect moment. “It looked just like this, except I was on a boat and I was getting my dick sucked by that girl in our history class.” You take in a deep breath, eyes shut while you collect yourself, and then you decide it’s not worth saying anything to that and simply walk back inside to help the others. “I don’t know why she was there, I didn’t even like her like that!” He tries to justify, but you’re already gone.

“Faye! Come help me at the grill!” Sooyun waves you over, standing over the fancy appliance after Jin helps her turn it on, heading back into the kitchen. It looks like something you would see on a cooking show, top notch equipment and cooking utensils, cleaned spotlessly.

“That rich motherfucker,” You shake your head in disbelief. “Who even owns stuff like this? I bet this one grill is worth enough to pay my college tuition.” You laugh, helping her place food on the racks.

“Forget the grill, I’m surprised his parents own this whole place, it’s like a freaking resort! Actually, no I’m not, they already live in a mansion, this is probably nothing to them. But I didn’t expect them to let all of us stay here without adult supervision.”

“Sooyun, we are adults. Technically.” As a group of 18 year olds fresh out of high school, legally, you all could be considered adults. But you’re far from responsible. Jin’s parents must have a lot of faith in you all to let you stay here with a fully stocked refrigerator and bar— your parents would never let you do such a thing, even with supervision.

“Yeah, ‘adults’. You said your mom gave you a lecture this morning? What about?” Sooyun is a really great listener and you’ve confided in her multiple times throughout the period of time you’ve known her, so naturally she knows the most about your private life. Jimin is another great listener in the group— on the rare occasions when you can get him alone— but he has the tendency to say a lot of things he’s not supposed to when he gets drunk, so you kinda stopped sharing secrets with him. Plus, he’s already Taehyung’s secret holder, you wouldn’t want to overburden him.

You sigh. “She basically gave me a rundown of how to survive in the wilderness and what to do if we see a bear. I tried to tell her we’re not camping outside or anything, but of course she wouldn’t listen to me and kept talking anyway. Then she shoved a handful of condoms into my bag because she “couldn’t trust that a horny group of teenagers will be able to keep their hands to themselves”, so she gave them to me “just in case” and then proceeded to lecture me about getting pregnant and STDs.”

“Is that why there was a pile of condoms left on my floor? I thought someone was pulling a prank.” She mumbles, looking a little relieved, closing the lid of the grill to let the food cook properly. “But at least she cares, right?”

“Yeah I guess...” Your mother has never been good at the parenting thing. At times you felt as if she were too lenient, giving you more freedom than you needed and letting certain things go unpunished. You aren’t a bad child, you rarely do things that deserve punishment, but growing up you wished she were a little more involved in your life or at least showed that she gave a crap about what you did, and now that you’re going away to college she’s finally stepping in to be the parent that you needed a long time ago. “I think she realized how much time she wasted not acting like a parent and now she’s trying to make up for it. But it’s too late, I grew up already and she missed it. I appreciate her effort, but at this point it’s just annoying and unwanted.” She nods, taking in your words silently. “She did say something that I agreed with, though. Stay away from Kim Taehyung.”

Both of you look toward the glass patio door where you can hear Taehyung and Jimin either laughing or arguing over at the bar, most likely trying to decide how drunk they want to get tonight. Tae is the loudest, shouting something about vodka and sexy bartenders and the two of you just shake your heads. The only times Tae actually drinks are when he’s with Jimin or there’s a threat of him being the only sober one. He told you once that he hates alcohol and how it tastes, yet you somehow find him drunk at almost every social gathering you’ve attended in your high school career. And drunk Tae is not something you want to deal with, ever, especially since you’ll be sharing a room with him tonight.

“What’s your problem with him? Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t get why you have such a vendetta against him when he’s literally done nothing wrong.” Leave it to her to always speak her mind. It’s something you’ve always admired her for and that’s probably why you get along so well.

“He’s an idiot and I don’t understand him. I feel like he doesn’t think about the words that come out of his mouth 97% of the time and that irritates the hell out of me.”

“Yeah, but neither does Jimin. They’re stupid as a pair, it’s not just Taehyungie, but you like Jimin just fine.” She does have a point there. Jimin isn’t the bad influence that causes Tae to do stupid things— he’s capable of that all on his own— but for some reason when they’re together, Tae just gets exponentially worse. You have a theory that the two of them actually share one collective brain cell, except Jimin holds it most of the time and Tae only uses it when he needs to swindle someone into getting something he’s not supposed to have.

“I don’t have a problem with Jimin, he’s had a tough life and I know most of the time his behavior is just a coping mechanism for the shit he’s going through. I actually think he’s really strong and has a great personality, and if he wasn’t gay I probably would have jumped his bones by now.” It’s no secret that you are attracted to Jimin. I mean, have you seen him? When you first met, you couldn’t stop blushing and drooling over him, despite his questionable behavior and moods at times, and when you learned of his background as a boy whose only home has been an orphanage and the other children that live in it, you completely fell for him. You swear you were obsessed with him for at least a month after your first introduction, you were even nicer to Taehyung to get closer to him. But then one day you heard him talking about his crush on a boy in one of his classes and your hopes were shattered. He claims he’s bi, but you have yet to witness him actually having a crush on a girl. Either way, you quickly discovered that he certainly does not have feelings for you. “Taehyung, on the other hand, doesn’t have an excuse for the shit he does. And it doesn’t help that he’s always purposely doing things to pick on me.”

“Maybe he does have a reason.”

“I doubt it. He’s just an asshole.” You conclude there at the sound of the door opening, Jungkook walking out to rearrange the seats to face the screening wall. Sooyun tenses when he enters, but plays it off quickly. Not before you notice, however.

“He’s not the worst of them, though. We’ve met some pretty horrible guys.” She jokes, trying to speak a little quieter now that Jungkook is within earshot.

“Maybe we’ll have better luck with guys in college. Maybe I’ll like someone who is actually into girls and maybe you’ll find someone who isn’t-“ your best friend. Not that it’s a bad thing. You stop yourself from saying it out loud, remembering how you weren’t going to say anything about the two of them unless she decided to bring it up. She doesn’t seem to notice your slip up. “I heard that most people meet their soulmate in college.”

“Please, I’d be lucky if I find 1 guy that’s interested in me. I have terrible luck with men.” Jungkook looks up from behind her, quickly looking away once he catches your gaze. Yup, something definitely went down between the two of them. You haven’t figured out if it was a good or bad thing yet.

“You’re a smart girl with an amazing smile, I’m sure there will be men falling over you once you get there in the fall.” There’s still uncertainty in her eyes and she avoids yours by opening the hood of the grill again and checking on the food. It looks mostly done so you grab a plate and wait for her to pile them on. You keep looking back at Jungkook over her shoulder, he seems distracted and that’s probably because he’s been listening in on your conversation. The idea of Sooyun going away to college and meeting other people seems to bother him and you wish she would just turn around and see that. But she doesn’t.

“Sure, I might be pretty for high school standards, but I doubt I’ll look all that special to anyone in my first year. I’ll have to wait for my ‘glow up’ before anyone even looks at me.”

“Shut up, you’re beautiful.” Before you can even open your mouth to reassure her, Jungkook’s voice sounds from behind. He says it so confidently, like it’s the only thing he’s certain of in his life, and when you both turn to look at him, he meets her eyes as if to say that what he’s just spoken is the truth. And then his eyes return back to his work.

Sooyun looks frozen in place, no longer looking at him but staring off into space, her hand still holding firmly onto the poker she was using to remove the food. “Hello?” You wave a hand over her face, concerned by how it looks like she’s having war flashbacks behind her eyes, teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip and chest heaving. What on earth was she thinking about? “Sooyun, are you in there? The food is burning!”

“Huh?” This seems to snap her out of it and she blinks rapidly a few times before turning back to the grill and cursing at the sight of burning food. You want to ask her about it, but telling from the mortified look on her face, she probably doesn’t want to talk.

A few minutes later, everyone is settled in a seat, snacks distributed along the coffee table for convenience within everyone’s reach. You reach for a bag of snacks, after the first 10 minutes of the movie after eyeing them since they got there, and since nobody claimed them yet, you decided it was yours for the taking. You lean forward slowly, as not to cause too much of a distraction, but just before your fingers reach the wrapper, a longer pair close around it and pull them out of reach. You lock eyes with none other than Kim Taehyung, who seems to freeze when he realizes his mistake, but he doesn’t offer them to you like any of your other friends would. Instead, he slowly begins to open the bag while making eye contact with you through the darkness.

“Don’t you dare.” You mouth at him, watching as he reaches his fingers into the bag and pulls out a large handful of the treats, shoving them into his mouth and crunching loudly. “You bastard, those were mine!” You try to whisper your rage as quietly as possible, but everyone hears you anyway.

He holds the bag up to his face, inspecting it from all angles before looking at you with an innocent look on his face. “I don’t see your name on it.”

“You saw me reaching for them.”

“You should have moved a little faster, I couldn’t tell what you were reaching for.”

“Not everyone has alien fingers like you.”

“Well, not everyone has baby hands like you.”

“Guys!” Namjoon interjects, cuddled up with Hoseok between you two. “Why can’t you just share?”

“I don’t think he knows what the word “share” means.” You narrow your eyes at Taehyung, who is still munching on your snacks.

“Why don’t you just take the bigger bag?” Someone suggests, directing your attention to the large family sized bag of the same snack in the middle of the table. If you open that bag, you’ll eat until it’s empty and you’ve gained 10 pounds. No thanks.

“I don’t want that one. It’s too big,”

“That’s what she said.” Tae snickers, pleased by the flames that flare up behind your eyes. “Fine, I’ll give it back.” After sinking his hands into the small bag for 2 more enormous handfuls, he tosses it back to you across the table and watches with a mischievous glow as you pick it up and peek inside.

“It’s empty.” As expected. You’re seething, though, speaking through your teeth as you try to get your rage under control. You sit the bag down gently, reaching for a bag of candy instead, and out of the corner of your eye you see him lean forward too, but this time there’s a deadliness in your gaze that makes him retreat with a boxy, almost sheepish grin.

Your attitude continues throughout most of the movie, angrily stuffing gummies into your mouth as you try to get over how petty Taehyung is. He’s so childish, taking a snack that you were clearly going for and eating it in front of you, adding insult to injury by handing you an empty bag. How old is he anyway: 6? He’s so frustrating sometimes, you just want to go over there and slap some sense into him.

“Are you still pouting over those snacks?” Hobi asks once he looks over and sees your bent up expression. “It’s not that big of a deal.” He laughs.

He’s right, it’s not that much of a problem. You’re just making it into one. Upon closer reflection, you realize how childish you must look to all of your other friends. Sure, Tae purposely tried to get on your nerves and it worked, but it always works. You always argue and throw a fit when things don’t go your way, and the more you watch the movie, the more clearly you see that. A character in the film started off as the annoying girl who complained about everything and thought the world was out to get her, when really, it was just her outlook on things and reactions to minor inconveniences that made situations worse. Everyone could see it, it was painfully obvious, and you begin to see a similarity to her in yourself. Did you act like this with Taehyung? Were you the petty one who exploded over the smallest inconveniences or discomfort around him? Yes, he can be an asshole sometimes, but there is a more adult way to deal with him. You were just talking to Sooyun about being adults, yet here you are, pouting over a bag of snacks that you could literally get in a bigger size across the table all because you wanted that specific one and now you’re upset because somebody else took it. When you look at it from an outside point of view, you’re the one that looks silly here. This is the type of argument you would have to settle if you were babysitting a group of elementary schoolers— not one involving almost college students. And thinking back to previous arguments you’ve had with him over the years, it’s always been like that. That’s not to say that Tae wasn’t also in the wrong, but maybe you could handle his immaturity in a different way other than bringing out your own.

You feel like your underlying issues stem from the lack of reinforcement and consequences you received for your behavior as a child when you would act out around other children, and it is your parents’ fault for not teaching you the appropriate way to deal with things like this, but that’s too deep of an introspection for you at this point in the story. And you can’t be your own therapist. Self reflection and awareness doesn’t happen all at once, people. That shit takes time.

The rest of movie night is surprisingly enjoyable. The movie you all agreed on is corny and definitely not your usual genre, but you enjoy it no less and find yourself fully engaged by the end of it. A cool breeze blows by and you burrow into a blanket, shifting to be comfortable during the last few scenes of the movie. When it ends, you’re the first one to offer to clean up, not even realizing that Yoongi had already started. It’s pretty late, almost midnight actually, so as soon as everything is back in it’s rightful place, everyone heads up to their rooms for the first night at the lake house.

Your rooms each hold one (1) unreasonably comfortable King sized bed, in which you were expected to share with your roommate. Great. Taehyung skips out on clean up a little early and you walk into the room to find him sprawled out in nothing but loose shorts and a t-shirt. It’s clear he’s going commando, you can see the outline of his dick all the way from where you stand on the other side of the room— not that you were looking. If you took the time to really look at him, he’s actually pretty hot. His pretty, brown, slightly wavy hair swoops down to cover his intense eyebrows, partially concealing his expression as he stares down at the phone in his large hands. The profile of his face is gorgeous, beautifully shaped nose, pillowy lips, and a sharp jawline his defining features, even his eye shape is endearing. Objectively, some people would say he’s very attractive, you’ve heard many girls refer to him as the most handsome man they’ve ever seen, but you don’t think you’d go as far as saying such bold statements. Not when his personality overshadows his looks.

“Why are you taking up most of the bed already?” You huff, walking over to your luggage to gather your pajamas. “Do I have to fight you for bed space too?”

“No, I’ll respect your half of the bed.” He gives in easily, scooting over a bit to demonstrate his honesty. You look up at him.

“You better, I can get pretty aggressive at night in bed.”

“Mm, kinky.” He winks, not missing the opportunity to be inappropriate.

“That’s not how I meant it.” You’re flustered slightly for some reason, hating how he always knows just what to say to get a reaction out of you. Then you pause and take a look at yourself. A mature person would just brush him off and mind their business instead of encouraging him. So that’s what you try to do. “Whatever, I’m going to go take a shower.”

Without another word, you strut into the bathroom, ready to wash away this day. While under the warm stream of water, you think about the day and how you acted. Nothing bad happened to you. The only thing is that you were paired with an idiot, and from what you gathered, it was because everyone wanted you to talk out your problems and actually get along for once. But you dragged that one little “issue” with you all day and it prevented you from enjoying yourself to the fullest on your first day of this short vacation. You wouldn’t have done anything differently if you weren’t as upset, you’re still pretty reserved, but your negative mood certainly put a damper on things. And Taehyung really didn’t do anything wrong either. Maybe you’ve been treating him harshly for no reason. He acts the same around everyone, you’re the only one who takes it personally. Maybe you owe him an apology.

“Hey,” You start softly, stepping out of the steamy bathroom fully clothed and ready for bed. “Are you okay with me not wearing a bra? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything.” You weren’t really asking him because even if he said “no” you still wouldn’t sleep with a bra on, but you just wanted to be courteous. He seems surprised by your sudden consideration of his comfort level.

“Oh. Um, y-yeah that’s fine.” His brows shoot up behind his bangs when he looks at you, clearly struggling to keep his eyes on your face. You sport a loose t-shirt and a small pair of shorts, short enough to hide under the hem of your shirt and show off the curve of your ass. You weren’t expecting to room with him, or any of the other guys for that matter, so you weren’t very mindful when packing your sleepwear.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” You hide a smirk behind an inquisitive purse of your lips.

“Yes, what you wear does not matter to me.” He stresses with a straight face, but you see through it.

“Yeah? Cuz your thin shorts say otherwise.” His hands immediately shoot to his crotch, hiding the snake in his pants that only seems to grow the longer you’re in front of him. You would find it flattering if you didn’t find him completely repulsive.

“I think you know by now that it doesn’t take much for me to get hard. It’ll go away in a minute.” He doesn’t look the slightest bit embarrassed when you climb into bed beside him, using the mountains of pillows provided to build a fort down the center of the bed to clarify your individual sides. “Wow, you have zero trust in me.” He laughs. But his laugh dies down you you look up at him seriously, probably anticipating you to throw a snarky, kinda offensive comment his way.

“I owe you an apology.”

“...For what?” He looks very confused and startled, not at all expecting those words to come out of your mouth.

“For being such a bitch to you. Not just today, but basically every day since we met.” You feel like you should go on, but you don’t know what else to say. “You’re a prick but you’re not as terrible as I make you out to be.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Taehyung doesn’t seem convinced, waiting for you to do or say something mean, but your words end there. “Is that it?”

“Yes, that’s it. Were you expecting me to write a whole essay on how badly I treat and misjudge you?” He’s taken aback, but not shocked by the edge in your voice. “Zoe said she wants me to try to get along with you, so I’m trying. Earlier you asked me for a truce over the weekend and I didn’t say anything. Well, this is me formally telling you that I accept; I will attempt to tolerate you and hold my tongue as much as I can for the sake of the others.”

“How do I know you’re being serious right now?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious. I don’t talk out of my ass like you tend to do; if I said it, I meant it.” You reel yourself back in when you hear how harsh you sound. “Sorry.” Did you always sound like this when you spoke to him? It’s like you’re a completely different person.

“Hmm,” He considers, eyeing you up and down. “Yeah, okay. But in order for this to work, you actually have to be nice to me for once. Do you think you’re capable of that?”

Biting your tongue, you force yourself not to roll your eyes. “I said I’ll try.”

“Good enough!” The boxy smile that crosses his lips is absolutely adorable, but you push that thought aside as soon as it enters your mind to avoid cooing at him. “Well, if you’re trying to be nicer, I guess I’ll try not to tease you so much. Usually I just do it because it’s fun, but sometimes I do feel bad about irritating you so much. You’re just so easy to pick on.”

“You have a conscience? Who would’ve thought.” You giggle, pushing pastel hair out of your eyes, and he stares at you wide eyed until you stop laughing. “I get it, I’m not funny.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” He quickly says, raising a hand defensively. “I’ve just never seen you giggle... at me before.”

“Because you’re not funny.”

“Others would beg to differ.”

“Like who?”

“Jimin. Jungkook. Jin.” He lists off a few others from school, names that you’d rather forget, and you stop him after a short while.

“Okay, I get it. But they don’t count, they’ll laugh at anything.” You lean against one of the pillows between you two, elbow supporting your weight as you move a little closer to him. His phone is forgotten now, cast aside now that your full attention is on him.

“Do you remember that one time me and Jin did that comedy skit in the talent show last year?” He’s already laughing at the memory, the melodious sound bringing a smile to your face when you think back to that cringeworthy performance. “Everyone thought we were funny then.”

“Yeah, because you’re both wannabe actors and failed comedians.”

“I wouldn’t say we failed. Doesn’t matter how terrible we were— got everyone to laugh didn’t we?” He has a point, one that you can only shake your head to in disbelief. This is weird— having a conversation with him that doesn’t involve yelling, arguing, or personal insults. You could even say that you sound like friends reminiscing about the past. The conversation continues on like this, bringing up the few good memories you’ve made that involve him, which, as it turns out, aren’t as few as you thought, and you begin to realize that you don’t hate him. It feels like you’re getting to know each other for the first time, you’re learning things about him that you hadn’t picked up even in the 4 years of knowing him. But he seems to know a lot about you. Now you truly feel like a terrible friend.

“It’s getting late.” You say with a yawn, checking your phone lazily from its spot on the charger. You’ve been talking to him for over an hour already.

“Yeah, we should probably go to sleep.” Tae says, voice even deeper than normal. The bass sends chills up your spine and you tell yourself it’s because you can feel the vibrations through the air and mattress. “Wait, I have something to give you.”

“What is it?” You look at him skeptically as he hops off the bed and rummages through his bag. You can’t imagine what it would be, but there’s a pit of anxiety in your stomach. It could be anything.

“These. I felt bad about earlier.” He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his side of the bed after handing you the snack you wanted during the movie. It’s a small bag, one meant for a single person and not a whole house of people like the one left out on the coffee table for the group, and you take it gingerly, almost too shy to thank him. The fact that he thought of you enough to get another bag for you blew your mind, especially since he didn’t know that you were going to apologize to him tonight. You could have kept acting like a complete asshole to him and he probably would have still felt bad and gave them to you. You most likely wouldn’t have done the same for him if the roles were switched. God, how shallow are you? Maybe there’s a reason people actually choose to be his friend.

“You didn’t have to.” You place them on the bedside table next to you, for a later time, and he acknowledges this.

“Yeah, but that was a dick move on my part and I wanted to make up for it. If you don’t want them, I’ll gladly eat them in front of you again.” His signature grin plasters itself to his face once more and you feel a little more comfortable now that he isn’t being genuine anymore. That’s uncharted territory between the two of you and you’re still a bit rocky with the friendly exchanges. But you’ll get there. For now, though, you roll your eyes at him and turn out the light, sinking into the cozy mattress and high thread count sheets.

Waking up next to Taehyung wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. The sun is barely up, not yet above the trees but high enough to brighten the sky, and the wide-set windows let in as much light as possible. It wakes you and brings your attention to the glowing man next to you, all messy hair and wrapped around most of your pillow fort, but you aren’t filled with resentment at the sight of him. You find it kind of cute actually. You’ve never seen him asleep before— he looks so peaceful— and you don’t want to disturb that peace, so you crawl out of bed slowly and silently, pull on some real clothes and make your way out of the house.

The lake is absolutely stunning. The water reflects every ray of light present to give off a shimmering, glittery effect that nothing else could replicate. You sit at the edge of the water on a lawn chair you pulled over from the patio, back facing the lake house as you look off into the distance, recreating the image of the landscape across from you in your notebook with a steady hand. You wish you had brought your paints with you and an easel, the colors that seep into the sky over the trees is absolutely indescribable and you want nothing more than to capture it with your own hands on paper. You don’t even have your colored pencils, so you are left with a black and white rendition of the scene, your imagination, and a reference picture for later.

The nature is perfect for your creative mind, you’ve never felt more inspired in your life. When you first woke up, you tried your hardest to fall asleep, but after one glance out of the window, your mind started buzzing with inspiration to make art and you could no longer rest, that’s how you ended up out here, fighting tiredness to be present in the moment and capture it forever. Being out here alone doesn’t feel dangerous, Yoongi was awake and in the kitchen when you were leaving and you told him where you would be in case anything happened. You wanted to ask if he slept well or if he even needed to sleep at all, but you weren’t sure how he would react to your questioning and it seemed rude so you kept your mouth shut. Out here in the partial darkness, you feel totally comfortable and at peace. It’s silent aside from the leaves and wildlife shifting around you, birds chirping their morning song, and it’s such a nice soundtrack that you don’t even need the music in your headphones to focus on your art.

On the other hand, though, now you are alone with your thoughts and the guilt that’s been building ever since your self revelation last night. Talking to Taehyung really made you realize something: that you are probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met. You’ve carried your first impression of him throughout your entire friendship— if you can even call it that— and no matter how much he’s shown you that he isn’t the person you made him out to be, you refused to believe it and give him a chance. You told Sooyun that the reason you didn’t like Tae was because you didn’t understand him, but now you see that it was because you never attempted to understand him in the first place. You gave Jimin a chance, after hearing about his hardships, but you weren’t willing to do the same for Taehyung. You knew nothing about him. And you ignored every good thing he’s ever done and instead highlighted all of his stupid decisions that any other teenage boy would make.

Sitting here alone, you decide this is the perfect time to continue your introspection and self evaluation. Most things that you’ve experienced negatively are a consequence of your own actions. Taehyung is always a boisterous, playful soul, even when you aren’t around, and you used to think that the reason why you didn’t get along was because your personalities were incompatible. But you’re starting to notice that it was your own attitude toward him that made you think that way. You saw him in your first year in high school goofing off during P.E. and assumed that he was always like this, which is not entirely untrue. Then he made one somewhat offensive comment and that set the tone for how you would see him up until this point.

“Why do you always stand off to the side and just watch? I think the game would be much more fun if you actually participated in it.” He said this with a goofy smile directed at you, who was placed firmly at the sidelines and quite content with your lack of involvement. In hindsight, he wasn’t even trying to be mean, it was an honest observation, but you took it the wrong way. He was probably trying to nicely convince you to join the action, yet your previous assumptions about him caused you to take offense to everything that came out of his mouth, and your spectators didn’t make it any better.

Everyone around you chuckled at his little comment, adding in their own judgements of you, like how you’re just the weird girl who likes to draw people or how you rarely even spoke so he shouldn’t expect you to willingly physically play with others, and those comments hurt. Not that you cared about what anyone thought of you anyway, that’s why you continue to be the way you are, but the fact that all eyes were on you, that everyone noticed you and thought negatively of your character, was like a stab in the heart. You had never done anything wrong to any of them, yet that’s how they felt about you.

“Yeah? Well at least I’m not a ball hog. Maybe you should let other players have a chance to score, you’re not even that good. And I’m seeing that off the bench.” Your sassy remark earns a collective “ooooh” from the teens who have since stopped the game. Taehyung didn’t seem fazed though.

“Says the person who has yet to step foot on the court. Maybe we would be able to score more points if all of the players on our team were actually present.” You flip him off and the gym teacher sees, breaking the two of you up before you cause any more of a disturbance than you already have. Up until this point, the people in your class hadn’t even heard you speak before, but this one altercation earned you a reputation of being the weird art kid with a bad attitude, and people steered clear of you. And you blamed it all on Tae, even if it was buried in your subconscious mind. 

What you didn’t know was that behind the scenes he defended you when others would talk behind your back. He always invited you to play or picked you to be on his team and you just assumed it was because he wanted you nearby so he could pick on you, but it never once crossed your mind that he actually wanted to befriend you. Even when you did become friends, you always thought he had the worst intentions in mind whenever he interacted with you. In reality, you’re always the one that starts arguments, he’s just returning your energy. His own actions, however, show a different side of him that you forced yourself to ignore. Taehyung always made sure that you weren’t being left out and that you were comfortable, even when you cursed at him and told him to go away or leave you alone. It was always him that looked out for you.

“You’re up early.” A deep voice sounds behind you among the rustling summer leaves and you turn to face a sleepy looking Taehyung, who drags another lawn chair behind him as he walks. His hair is messy and there are bags under his eyes, but the light hits him in a way that makes him look almost angelic. You shake that thought away almost immediately.

“So are you.”

“The sun woke me up. And then I realized you weren’t in bed anymore, so I got up and went looking for you. Yoongi told me you were out here.” He sits a respectable distance away from you, far enough where you won’t complain, and he gazes out at the scenery you’re more than halfway done sketching. You sit in silence for a while, surprised that he even has the capability to be quiet for longer than a minute, and you watch the sun rise together. “What are you doing out here so early?”

“Drawing.” You lift your notebook up slightly and he acknowledges with a nod, although it was pretty obvious. “And thinking.”

“You’re drawing the sunrise? But you only have a pencil.” He points out, leaning over the side of his chair to see your artwork better. You shift it away from his line of sight out of habit, but correct yourself quickly.

“I’ll draw the shadows and outlines here and color it once I get back home.” By the short answers you give him, he can tell you’re not in a talking mood, but he’s never deterred by something like that so he keeps questioning.

“Hm. What were you thinking about? You seem rather... pensive.”

“Do you even know what that word means?” You snort, looking at him for the first time since he sat down.

“In fact, I do. I heard it in a movie once and used context clues to figure it out.” He seems proud of himself so you humor him. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“I was thinking about you.” Your eyes meet for a moment before you turn away, but it’s enough to see the shock on his face.

“Me?”

“Well, kinda. I realized something last night— that I’m a judgy, stuck-up bitch when it comes to you and I severely underestimated your character.” Running a hand through your pastel hair, you sigh, looking over the water. “I created this entirely different image of you in my head based on a few first impressions, and I was too stubborn to change that image after we became friends. I always treated you like you were some inconsiderate fool that did whatever, whenever, and didn’t give a damn about anyone else-“

“Gee, thanks.”

“-But now I realize that I had absolutely no evidence that you were that type of person and that I just pretended you were an like that to justify being rude to you. Which makes me the monster.” Bringing your eyes back down to your paper, you try to distract yourself by finishing your piece, but you feel lost. “It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore without being mean.”

“You’re not a monster.” Taehyung’s voice is gentle now, though still deeper than usual, and it sends shivers up your spine. “I totally get that you don’t really like me, not everyone does. It’s my fault for always bothering you,”

“No, you’re not supposed to be the one apologizing. You’re playful and you make an effort to have fun with me like you do with everyone else, I’m the one that always took it too seriously.”

“Faye, it’s fine. Really. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“Yes, I do, Tae. I’m sorry for being a horrible friend.”

“You really don’t need to apologize.”

“Okay, but I’m still sorry that I treated you like that.”

“It doesn’t matter, stop apologizing.”

“It does matter, I’m a terrible person.”

“You’re not! You are literally one of the nicest people I have met.”

“Except for the fact that I’m terrible to you.”

“You meant well.”

“I really didn’t. I actually hated you for the longest time. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Stop!”

“No! Just let me feel bad about myself for once and accept that I’m the bad guy!” Both of you are silent for a minute, frowning at each other. “See, I can’t even apologize properly without arguing with you.” You bring a palm to your face tiredly, frustrated with yourself.

“I’ll accept your apology if that’s what you need to hear. But I honestly don’t think you did anything wrong. Sure, we might bicker like a married couple, but we’re still close, and that’s what I value the most.” He resolves and you both stare back out into the calm water until you speak up again.

“...Did you just compare us to a married couple?” In the brightening daylight, you can see the faint traces of a blush crawl onto his cheeks, his eyes widening slightly paired with a boxy smile.

“You know what I mean. I didn’t want to say we are like preschoolers because I thought that was a little offensive.”

“I’m more offended by the married couple analogy and its implications. I’d rather be a toddler.” You joke. Something weird crosses Taehyung’s face for a split second, but before you can address it, it’s gone.

“So are we good now?” He asks, sighing in his seat. You close your notebook, making a move to stand and turn to the lake house.

“I don’t know. That’s up to you.” He looks up at you before standing as well, folding his chair.

“Yeah, I think we’re okay- as long as you don’t try to apologize again.” He’s grinning now, looking a little more awake than before, and you try not to stare into his glowing eyes. What has gotten into you? You nod in agreement.

“Let’s head inside, it looks like some of the others are up for breakfast.” A large window leading into the dining room is in full view from your spot by the lake and you can clearly see Zoe, Jin, and Hobi sitting around the table. You assume Jimin, Jungkook, and Namjoon are still asleep, where you currently long to be, and make a decision as you walk back up to the house. Food or sleep? You choose the latter and head back up to your room to catch a few more winks of sleep, requesting to Yoongi that he save you a plate. Taehyung takes a seat at the table.

“Morning.” He greets, resting his head on the table once Yoongi informs him that breakfast is almost ready.

“Spending some extra time with your girl, Tae? Was last night not enough?” Hoseok nudges him in the side, grinning hard at his own teasing.

“You and Faye are dating?” Yoongi comes into the room with hot plates filled with delicious food, setting them down in front of everyone.

“No. We were just talking like normal human beings. Nothing happened last night and she is not my girl.” He clarifies sternly, fearful that you might be able to hear the conversation and will come running for his throat if he even implied something like that.

“You and Faye, talking, not screaming at each other? That’s new.” Jin comments, already digging into his food. He calls Yoongi to join them at the table, patting the empty seat on the other side of him.

“Yeah, last night it looked like she was about to rip his head off.” Hobi laughs, shoveling food into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in years.

“See, I told you being roommates would help you work out your differences.” Zoe seems proud, smiling at Taehyung like a mother would after she has just been proven right.

“First of all, that was my idea.” Jin pouts, but she just keeps eating. The smell of food must have pulled Jimin out of his slumber and lured him to the dining room because a moment later he stumbles in, eyes still half closed and face still puffy with sleep. He doesn’t even greet anyone, just sits and asks where the food is. Yoongi brings him his plate before anyone can even answer and Jimin stares a little longer than normal as the android gracefully makes his way back over to his spot across the table.

“Are you the chef or something?” He asks, confused, but nobody pays attention to him.

“So, what did you guys talk about?” Zoe pries at Taehyung, interested in how you’ve bonded.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Jimin turns to his best friend, eyeing the tired, yet happy look on his face.

“Faye and I talked last night and this morning.” He smiles.

“Talked? Not argued?”

“That’s what I said!” Jin exclaims, though he quiets down to let Tae speak.

“I think we really got a lot closer.” He explains how you apologized out of the blue last night and actually held a real conversation with him, and also how you opened up about why you always were mean to him this morning. The whole time he spoke, everyone paid close attention, astonished by how much progress the two of you made in less than 12 hours.

“Wow, I’m so proud of you guys.” Hobi claps. “When I didn’t hear you arguing last night, I assumed she either killed you, or you were fucking.”

“Fucking? She would never.” Tae refutes immediately.

“But you would?” Jimin questions with a raise of his eyebrow, catching his friend off guard.

“W-What?”

“The sexual tension is there. All that anger and frustration must make for some amazing sex.” Jimin leans back in his chair, cheeks full and glowing.

“Angry sex is the best, right Jin and Zoe? Oh right, you two wouldn’t know.” Hoseok teases cruelly, both of their faces burning bright red. Just then, Namjoon and Sooyun walk down, Sooyun glancing quickly around the table before sighing in relief at a certain boy’s absence. “Right babe?”

“Huh?” Namjoon takes a seat next to his boyfriend, waiting to be filled in.

“Angry sex is the best, right?”

“Absolutely.” Namjoon winks, his dimples coming out when the others just shake their heads.

“You should try it sometime, Tae. Might clear up some of those unresolved issues between the two of you.” Jimin points his chopsticks at him and Tae looks away in embarrassment. “You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it before.”

“Can we just- not talk about this right now.” For the first time, your group of friends see a bashful side of the infamously carefree Taehyung. Sooyun and Namjoon want to ask what’s going on, but Tae pleads to end the conversation there, so the topic changes to something else and the day moves forward.

The sun scorches down on you as you sit by the lakeside in your bikini, applying sunscreen to protect from what seems like an inevitable sunburn. The boys are already in the water, jumping from the dock into the surprisingly clean lake— one of the wonders of privately own property. Sooyun can’t swim and you don’t really feel like getting in the water just yet, so the two of you chill where it’s dry and have a little chat. You catch her up on what’s been going on between you and Tae, she was still curious from breakfast, and she applauds your maturity.

“Wow, it seems like you really had a self-growth moment. Does this mean that you and Tae are cool now?”

“I guess? It still feels weird though. I spent so much time ignoring him, you know, and now it’s hard to change my view on him so suddenly.” You’re used to listening to other people’s drama and not saying or doing much, always the spectator, but now that something is actually going on in your life, it’s a bit awkward being the center of attention.

“He seemed really happy about your bonding time this morning, I think it was really unexpected for him when you opened up like that. Usually you only really open up to me.”

“He was talking about it at breakfast?” For some reason you’re irritated by this, or embarrassed, you can’t really tell the difference anymore.

“Yeah,” She laughs when you glare at him in the water. “He didn’t say anything bad though, don’t worry. Looks like he’s been waiting for a chance to prove himself to you for a very long time.” Your eyebrows scrunch up as you think about what she could mean by that. Was he really trying that hard to be your friend and you were the only one who misinterpreted his actions? It seems like it.

“I need your opinion on something.” You start a little quieter, making sure that no one will overhear. “Why do you think he picks on me so much? I know that’s how he usually is, but he does it so much more when I’m around.” You know she’ll give you a straight answer, she never minces her words.

“I believe he originally started doing it because that’s the only way he could get you to pay any attention to him and he wanted you to notice him. If he isn’t saying or doing anything dumb, you pretend like he’s not even there. He probably just wanted to catch your eye and then build from there but you never let him, and then he eventually got used to playing that role with you.”

“Okay, so why do you think it bothers me so much?” It sounds stupid to ask someone else about how you feel about something or why you feel a certain way, but you honestly don’t know what to make of the situation.

“Simple. I think when you first met, you saw him and expected him to be someone you could befriend and trust, but he hurt your feelings one time so you just went full defensive and decided to hate everything that comes out of his pretty little mouth. I’ve seen you do it before, Faye. Remember that kid in history? The one we did the project with?”

“Ugh, her.”

“You thought she was going to be the nicest person, but when we started working with her, you realized she was-“

“A bossy, know-it-all, who had a stick up her ass 24/7 and put in minimal effort to the group project. And then had the nerve to take all the credit for it.”

“Right. Well, she didn’t live up to your expectations and now you hate her, it’s as easy as that. That’s kind of a thing you do.”

You grimace, hearing this for the first time. She’s right, you do have a history of shunning people because they weren’t as great as you expected them to be, and Taehyung is a primary case of that. “Damn, I really am terrible.” You mumble with a frown.

“No, I think that’s actually a good defense mechanism because you’re obviously better at avoiding people that might hurt you in the future. But Taehyung is good, he didn’t do anything wrong, you should take a chance on him. I can tell he means a lot to you, only people you care about have the ability to get to you like this.”

She really does know you better than you know yourself. “You’re so wise.”

She takes a sip of her cold drink, eyes following your other friends as they splash around in the water. Yoongi stands with his feet in the water, something you weren’t aware that he could do, and he seems to enjoy watching the antics of the others. Taehyung is smiling wildly as Jimin splashes him and attempts to show off his swimming skills. You catch sight of Jungkook who stands at the top of a small hill where a rope is connected to a tree over the water. He waits until Sooyun is looking before he jumps, making Tarzan noises as he swings gracefully in the air, making his landing with a big splash in the water. She giggles beside you silently, straightening her face again when he resurfaces.

“What was going on with you last night during the movie?” You bring up, suddenly reminded of her odd behavior the night before.

“What do you mean?”

“You seemed really jumpy and zoned out, like, the entire time, then you suddenly got up and went to the kitchen with Jungkook and never came back.”

“Correction, he followed me into the kitchen, we did not go ‘together’.” You roll your eyes at her.

“Whatever. I just wanna know if anything went down while you were in there. Jungkook seemed pretty flustered when he came back out.” Imitating one of Taehyung’s signature moves, you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively, laughing when she pushes your shoulder.

“Stop it! Nothing happened, we just talked a little and then I went to bed after Taehyung came in.”

“Ah, the original cock blocker.” You shake your head, not even surprised that his air-headed ass barged in and ruined a possible moment. “Are you going to tell me why you’re being so awkward with him?”

“I’m n-“

“OH! Can I guess what happened?” You seem excited so she entertains you.

“I will neither confirm nor deny anything you say.”

“I don’t care, I just think it’s fun to guess.” She sighs and you move on. “Hmm, let’s see. He forgot your birthday and now you hate him?” No... “He walked in on you naked?” No reaction. “You got drunk and played a game of strip poker and accidentally gave him a boner?”

“Oddly specific...”

“Hey, you never know,” You shrug. “It definitely has to be something sexual though, I don’t think anything else would make you this awkward around each other.” Her face remains blank. “You kissed?” Nothing. “Did you guys fuck or something?” The tiniest muscle in her bottom eyelid twitches and you’re sharp enough to detect it, gasping loudly in shock. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny.” She repeats in a steady voice, but you can feel the heat coming off of her face from here.

“I know you better than that, you don’t have to say anything. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you, but I can see there’s something going on between you two. We don’t have to talk about it, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’ll just take satisfaction in the fact that I figured it out before anybody else.” The pleased smile on your face let’s her know that she can’t even try to convince you that you’re wrong. You’re smarter than that and she might end up digging a hole for herself if she says anything further, so she just sighs deeply and looks off into the water. Her and Jungkook would definitely make a cute couple.

“I think Taehyung is calling you.” She elbows your arm, pointing at said man emerging from the water, hair dripping and feet slapping the cool ground with every approaching step. He comes to stand right in front of you and you feel it’s a compromising position— with your face eye level with his dick and all— so you lift your foot and push him away with a gentle heel to the gut.

“You’re dripping on me.” You complain when he shakes his hair like a wet dog. “What do you want?”

“Come swim for a little while, the water is perfect.” You look over at Sooyun, who pretends like she’s not paying attention to your conversation, but you can see her eyes are alight with interest. “Don’t look at her, she can’t save you from this one.” He grins when your eyes snap back to him.

“I don’t want to get in the water today, I’m perfectly fine here in the shade.”

“If you don’t do something, I’m going to pick you up and throw you off the dock.”

“Only if you want to die tonight,” You threaten.

“Come on, please?” He whines, giving you his best aegyo. You wan to vomit. “You always sit on the side and watch, I really think you’ll have more fun if you actually participate.”

“This is giving me deja vu.” You groan under your breath as he continues to pout. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll get in the lake with you if you do the rope swing.” You point to where Namjoon and Jimin are now fooling around, pushing each other to get more momentum on the swing and make a bigger splash. Jimin’s light body carries him high, it seems like he’s flying before he comes crashing down over the water. Taehyung gulps. You know he’s afraid of heights, it’s one of the only things you can tease him about, so you know it’s very likely that he won’t go through with it and you get to stay dry.

“Okay, deal.” He says before he can talk himself out of it, holding out his hand for you to shake. Staring at him skeptically, you hesitate to take his hand, allowing him to pull you to your feet and head over to the hill. He holds your hand a second longer than necessary before letting go, but of course you notice.

“Yah, Taehyungie! Are you going on the swing?” Jimin calls out to him as you approach the hill, climbing up the slope until you stand at the top. If Taehyung goes through with it, you’ll jump in from here too.

“Y-Yeah.” Tae sounds uneasy as he stands near the edge, looking down at the water below. It isn’t too high up, but it’s enough to catch some height with a swing or two, and it probably looks like you’re hanging on a ledge of a massive cliff from Taehyung’s perspective.

“You don’t have to do it,” You remind, trying to hide your cocky smirk. “It’s okay if you’re too afraid.”

“No, I can do it!” He grabs onto the rope, but makes no move closer to the edge.

“You can do it! Yell out into the distance!” Jimin encourages, laughing at the worried look on his best friend’s face as he stares down at the lake. The others gather around to watch, yelling a mixture of encouragement and teasing at him.

“He’s shaking like a leaf.” Jungkook chuckles, sitting on the edge of the dock with his phone recording it all. You stand alone up there, feeling obliged to coach him through it, but at the same time not wanting to end up in the water if he succeeds.

“It’s not that bad, Tae, just swing and let go. You just watched Jimin do it.” Your hand comes up to pat his shoulder, stopping short of his skin in hesitation. Instead, you offer to give him a push.

“N-no, I can do it.” Quivering voice and all, he grips onto the rope tighter, taking one step closer to the ledge.

You all cheer for him, holding in your chuckles at the visible shaking in his knees as he bends down in preparation to jump. And then he leaves the hill with a baby hop that makes everyone snort in laughter. You watch with wide eyes as he makes it to the top of his swing and-

“ahhHHHH!” His terror rings clear in his voice, hands refusing to let go as he misses his opportunity and comes back toward you, dangling from the rope with his eyes closed. Everyone bursts into laughter, Jimin nearly drowning as he locks up in joy, holding onto the pier for support. Tae is still swinging and screaming, waiting until the rope is barely moving anymore before finally letting go and landing in a shallower part of the lake. All he hears is Hoseok’s cackling and clapping when he resurfaces, everyone on their knees with glee, including you. Your eyes are blurry with tears of laughter, an ache in your ab muscles forming as you gasp for breath. He’s embarrassed, but seeing you laugh so hard is worth it.

“That was so wimpy,” Hoseok re-enacts his screams, causing a resurgence of laughter.

“You refused to go on the rope swing too, I don’t think you’re in any position to make fun of him.” His boyfriend points out, splashing him with water.

“Yeah, but I’m not the one who’s trying to impress the girl I like.” He sticks out his tongue, earning a deadly look from Taehyung, who glances your way to make sure you hadn’t heard. Luckily, you’re just making it over to the shore and heard nothing.

“That was adorable.” You smile, feeling victorious that your plans had succeeded. “But you did lose the bet, so I’m not going swimming.”

Pouting, Tae whines his objection. “But I put in so much effort! I don’t get anything for that?”

“Alright. I’m willing to make a compromise because you did try,” You say after a second of thinking. “I won’t go swimming, but I guess I’ll get on a canoe with you, if you really want me to.” While you were getting changed in the bathroom earlier, you heard Taehyung talking about wanting to try out the canoes. He seemed so excited to get on one, you feel like you should at least grant him one wish.

Out on the water, things are more peaceful. It takes teamwork to paddle together on the small boat, steering your way around the sizable lake, and most of your journey is spent in silence. You sit in the front, back facing him and looking over at the beautiful view of everything around you. One of the reasons you agreed to do this is because you really wanted a different perspective of this place, of the lake house, to draw in your sketchbook. You want to be able to remember how pretty this place is, how close you all are right now, these times that you won’t ever get back. From the other side of the lake, you can see all of your friends having fun for probably one of the last times all together, enjoying the beautiful weather and making the most of it, and you start to feel sentimental again.

“You look pensive again, what’s up?” Taehyung’s baritone once again saves you from your thoughts, and you resume paddling slowly, refusing to look at him with your watery eyes.

“This is one of the last times that we’ll all be together as close friends like this. After this weekend, we’ll all be packing to leave for school, each in different places, and I don’t think I’m ready for this to end yet.” The sound of your paddles gliding smoothly through the water is soothing, and you allow it to calm you down a little, composing yourself enough not to sound choked up. “I can’t help but think of all the time I wasted, all the time I spent worrying about things that are basically irrelevant now, and that’s time that I can never get back.”

“You’re a pretty deep person, aren’t you?” Taehyung asks, still getting used to you talking about real things to him. It’s not unexpected, he’s just not used to being on the receiving side of your sentiments. You place your paddle beside you when you reach the middle of the lake, turning in your seat to finally face him.

“I am. I like to pretend that I’m not, but I’m starting to realize that it’s pointless. I need to learn how to be more genuine, like you.” He blinks at this, wondering where all of this is coming from. “And thank you for always forcing me to participate. I would have missed out on a lot of things if you weren’t the one to convince me to live a little more. So thanks.”

He pauses for a long time, internalizing it all. “What’s going on with you lately? This morning you wanted to apologize and now you’re thanking me? Why do I feel like there’s some type of ulterior motive behind all this?”

“I’m trying to make amends with you,” You just barely hide the harsh tone of your words. “All of this is long overdue and I wanted to get it off my chest before the end of this weekend. Do you have a problem with that?”

Tae laughs at your temper, shaking his head and looking off into the distance. “Nope, I’m sorry. Keep going.”

“No, you ruined it, it’s over now.” You huff. And just like that, your sentimental moment is cut short.

“Like I said, you didn’t do anything wrong to me, so stop apologizing and thanking me. We’re all just trying our best here, we’re in the same boat.” A goofy smirk crosses his face. “Or should I say, same canoe.”

“God, you’re worse than Jin.” You groan. A king of lightening the mood. “Uh oh, looks like Jin and Zoe are sneaking off.” The two head over to the boathouse hand in hand, looking around suspiciously for any witnesses. You notice immediately and point them out, to which Taehyung just chuckles.

“You don’t miss much, do you?”

“Some people are just incredibly easy to read.”

“Am I easy to read?” He asks, staring straight into your soul.

Apparently not, because I was wrong about you this entire time. You think, frowning at him. When you take too long to answer, he begins rocking the boat playfully while repeating his question over and over, causing you to grab onto the sides for balance. “Taehyung, stop it before we flip over! I said I didn’t want to get wet.” He stops abruptly.

“I can make you wet in a different way if you want.” His wink is what sends you, reflexively grabbing your paddle and pretending to hit him with it.

“You’re unbearable.” But you can’t stop giggling. Or blushing. Ew.

“OH MY GOD, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You hear Jungkook’s screech echo throughout the entire lake, bringing your attention to him and Sooyun backing out of the boathouse with tomato red cheeks and disgusted looks on their faces. A few moments later, Jin and Zoe follow, equally embarrassed with their heads hanging low and scowls on their lips. With that image fresh in your mind, you quickly sketch it in your notebook, creating a less detailed drawing of the lake house in just a few minutes as you float idly. Timeless memories. Tae doesn’t say anything, watching your hand work diligently at the paper with amazing accuracy, and when you’re finished, you close the book and sit it back down, looking up at him.

“We should probably head back, it’s getting hot out here.” You grab your paddle again, prompting him to turn his body the other way and begin making your way back to the dock. The attention isn’t on you when you get back, nobody is there to ask what you were talking about or make any ridiculous comments to Tae, and you’re thankful for this. You’d much rather get the tea on Jin and Zoe.

The bonfire rages in front of you, the group wrapping up the night after dinner with drinks around the fire pit. With full stomachs, all of you just sit and talk for a while, sharing laughs and stories into the night. The scent of burning wood wafts through the air and is almost enough to overpower the smell of alcohol in the cup that is handed to you.

“You’ve never been drunk before?” Jimin is relaxed in his corner of the sofa, arms spread along the top behind your shoulders. This is probably one of the first times you’ve willingly sat next to Taehyung and Jimin, sandwiching yourself between the two men to get comfortable. Taehyung was following you, who was following Jimin, who was stalking Yoongi, so the four of you found yourselves lined up on the long couch built into the fire pit area, equipped with materials for s’mores and cup holders.

“I don’t drink at all, actually.” You correct, swirling around the liquid in your glass. It looks like regular fruit juice, and you would have been fooled if you hadn’t seen Jimin spike it with vodka. “I prefer to be in control of my actions most of the time.”

“You don’t have to drink if you’re uncomfortable.” Taking a seat with her own drink in hand, Zoe gently reassures you that there is no pressure to drink tonight— everyone is just trying to have fun. Regardless of what she says, however, you’ve already decided that you want this to be your first experience with alcohol, surrounded by friends and away from anyone you might embarrass yourself in front of.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Everyone situates themselves, music playing in the background from one of the built in patio speakers, and you feel eyes on you as you sit there, suddenly realizing that they are waiting for you to take a sip.

“I dare you to chug that whole glass.” Jimin snickers from his spot next to you, already taking swigs from his own cup. He makes eye contact with Namjoon and Hoseok, who stare at you intently. “You won’t.”

“Is that a challenge?” You pose, fire lighting up your eyes.

“Do you accept?” You’re locked in a staring contest with Jimin, his expression playful as he studies you for any signs that you’ll back out. But you stay strong.

“Hell Yeah, I do.”

“Then drink up.” He clinks glasses with you and you throw it back, opening your throat to the liquid and gulping it down as painlessly as possible. What you don’t expect is the burn, and it hurts all the way going down, stinging your throat and warming your belly as it sits heavily in your stomach. The taste is what hits you next, and your throat almost closes up when you take a breath through your nose and taste just how strong the liquor is. Your friends cheer for you as you attempt to empty the glass, eyes watering because of the burn, and when the last drop disappears into your mouth, you pull the cup away to cough and sputter.

“I gotta admit, the girl’s got heart.” Namjoon claps slowly in awe of your feat. “Me and Hoseok bet Jimin that you wouldn’t drink at all tonight, and boy were we wrong.” He digs in his pocket for cash, each of them handing the younger boy the money in disbelief.

“It hurts,” You rasp, clutching your chest. “And it tastes terrible.”

“That’s the alcohol cleansing you,” Jin raises his glass toward you over the flames. “As I always say, alcohol is the best way to disinfect yourself of a sickness.”

“I believe it; it feels like I just chugged a bottle of bleach.” Taehyung hands you a bottle of water to rinse your mouth with, trying to get rid of the rubbing alcohol aftertaste. The night moves on from here, everyone splitting off into separate conversations, and you return to your original position of sitting and silently observing. Tae hasn’t said much to you tonight, though you do notice him staring a lot. You also notice the tension building on the other couch, Zoe and Jin looking apprehensive about something and Jungkook and Sooyun awkwardly trying to talk before deciding to sneak away and go somewhere more private. You wonder if anything will happen between them while they’re away, but they still can’t look each other in the eye so it’s probably unlikely. Jin and Zoe are the next to get up and leave. The drinks keep coming and you keep drinking, even joining in on a drinking game Hoseok came up with, and soon enough your body is feeling warm and your head is light and everything seems just a little bit better.

“Are you drunk?” Taehyung asks, mood as bright as the fire that still flickers wildly in front of you.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Everything looks slightly warped in your vision and you aren’t even sure if you’re speaking properly anymore. You aren’t blackout drunk— though slightly more than tipsy— but Taehyung keeps a watchful eye on you because you’re starting to act a little funny. Your entire face is flushed up to your ears, eyes droopy and dazed expression plastered to your cheeks. This is exactly why you don’t drink. You hate looking sloppy and acting out of character, but with Taehyung looking so amused by your easy-going side and Jimin’s arm still wrapped around your shoulders, you don’t care about being judged. The dizziness doesn’t get better with your subsequent sips and you find yourself leaning to the side, resting your head on Taehyung’s broad shoulder. Jimin removes his arm when he sees you snuggling up to him, trying his absolute best not to bring attention to it in case you come to your senses and try to fix yourself.

“Yeah, you’re definitely drunk.” Tae’s deep voice murmurs, sounding far away. All you can do is groan. “I think you’re done for tonight, I’ll go get you some more water. Jimin, do you need anything?” His friend shakes his head, turning his attention back to the android beside him, who is in the middle of telling a story you assume, and then Tae is up and walking back into the house. You frown, instead moving to lay your head on one of Jimin’s thick thighs.

As soon as Yoongi finishes telling his story, you look up to both of them and smile. “What are you smiling at?” Jimin returns your grin, eyes equally as heavy and cheeks shiny and flushed. Even though you are drunk, you can tell that he is too.

“None of your business, thickums.” Nice to see you still have your quick tongue even in your current state.

“I saw you getting cozy with Taehyung just now. I thought he said you weren’t a couple?” Yoongi’s face is upside down and curious when you look up at it from your position on Jimin’s lap, craning your head back to get a view of him, and the odd sight makes you giggle like a little girl.

“We aren’t.”

“Oh. It just seemed like you were.” He processes this for a moment before nodding.

“You’re very handsome, Yoongi, you know that?” You blurt, catching him a little off guard. You’re sure that if he could blush, he would. “It’s no wonder Jimin’s been following you around and flirting this whole time.”

“No I haven’t!” He protests loudly, glancing over at the android, who still wears a blank expression. “I just think Yoongi is interesting and I want to get to know him.”

“Yeah right, pig.” You snort, trying to hold in your laughter.

“Pig? But he’s a human. Or is that another figure of speech?”

“Nope, he’s a pig in disguise, don’t trust him.” The android seems confused by your words, but picks up on your laughing and tone of voice, eventually laughing along. You are amazed both by his ability to pick up on social queues and learn quickly and by the fact that Jimin still hasn’t realized that he isn’t a human. You could tell him the truth about Yoongi, but that would ruin the fun.

“Anyway,” Jimin chuckles nervously, trying to change the subject back to you. “You and Tae must be getting along better, I haven’t heard you cuss each other out in a while.”

“I’ve turned a new leaf and I’m trying to be nicer to him. Apparently being nice is a lot easier than acting like a jerk all the time.”

“Aw, now we can all be friends and get along again, like old times.” He pinches your cheek and your smack his hand away.

“Like old times? The only reason I was nice to him back then is because I had a crush on you, dork. Don’t you remember?” This is common knowledge, it’s a well known fact among your friends that you had a crush on him, so you aren’t embarrassed by your blabbering mouth. You are, however, shocked by his.

“Of course I remember, but what kind of person would I be if I flirted back with the girl my best friend likes?”

“What?” You sit up abruptly, almost bumping heads in your haste to return to a sitting position.

“He was crushing on you so hard back then, it was almost painful to watch. I guess you didn’t notice because you were too busy falling over me. But I can’t blame you for that.” He adds with a flirty smirk, running a hand through his hair in the way you used to love. He isn’t important right now though. All you can focus on is what he has just said to you.

“He had a crush on me? Past tense?” You want to clarify this before you go jumping to conclusions like a lunatic.

“Past, present, and future. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen the way he’s been looking at you this entire time— you of all people, who possesses all-seeing eyes and notices practically everything.” There’s a doubtful look on his face, obviously too drunk to realize he’s just spilled one of the biggest secrets Taehyung has probably ever told him. You take into account the fact that your source is pretty intoxicated, most things that come out of his mouth will probably be unreliable, but you also know that alcohol leads to #NoFilterJimin, which means that what he’s saying is most likely all true. Taehyung likes you. You open your mouth to say more, even if you haven’t thought of a question to vocalize yet, but before you can get a syllable out, a weight plops down behind you on the couch, holding out a water bottle for you to take.

“For you, m’lady.” Your hand closes around it gingerly, careful not to touch fingers with him, and he offers you a bubbly smile, your stomach doing flips. Thinking back on it— the jealousy towards barista Kai, his clinginess to you, the boner he was sporting last night— they could all be signs that he likes you. Maybe. You don’t particularly believe it, but Taehyung is a pretty good actor and you imagine it wouldn’t be hard to hide his feelings, especially since he sealed them behind the pretense of living to annoy you. And now that you realize the possibility of it, you don’t really know how to feel. Jimin offers no support, he barely knows what he’s just done, and Yoongi doesn’t know anything about your dynamic with Tae apart from what he’s seen in the past two days, so you’re on your own now, with Sooyun and Zoe nowhere in sight, most likely sorting out their own problems, and Namjoon and Hoseok making out drunkenly on the other side of the fire.

Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi pick up conversation easily as if nothing happened, but you can’t bring yourself to engage. Taehyung sits just a little bit closer to you, now feeling confident enough to be clingy with you like he is with the others, but your brain is still overthinking each one of his actions to determine if you should believe it or not. If you should believe that he really has feelings for you. It’s hard for you to imagine that someone you have mistreated for so long could like you in any way, but Taehyung is a stubborn one and he’s certainly persistent. If he did feel this way, you are at least thankful that he hasn’t tried to make a move on you yet. Zoe and Sooyun return, talking about their own set of problems on the far end of the other couch, and you decide not to bother them tonight.

“I think I’m gonna head in for the night. I can feel a bad headache coming and I’d rather be in bed by the time it hits.” You feel nearly sobered by now, the bottle of water and interesting news helping to pull you back to your senses.

“You’ll probably feel a little nauseous too, try not to throw up in the house or else Jin’s mom will kill you.” Jimin jokes, and you let out a fake laugh.

The man beside you seems a bit suspicious by your shift in mood— just a few minutes ago you were feeling fine, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. The guys let you leave, Tae offering to help you get to the room if you’re too drunk, but you assure him that you’re fine and leave alone. He watches you until you disappear into the house, eyes staring longingly in your direction. A heavy sinking feeling digs into his chest, sensing that something is wrong, and although he knows he didn’t do anything, it still feels like it’s his fault. Personally, he was looking to spend a few more hours with you like this, having fun and completely laid back, not yelling at him or apologizing about anything, just hanging out like real friends. The spot where your head was resting on his shoulder and chest feels empty without you and he regrets running away, wishing he would have stayed like that for a few more minutes, but he was surprised and didn’t know what to do about you touching him, so he had to remove himself from the situation. He even gave himself a little pep talk in the kitchen in preparation to deal with your snuggly drunk persona, but now the opportunity is long gone and he fears it might be gone forever.

Sleep finds you easily tonight, but your worries follow you into slumber, dreams plagued by a plot line that makes you toss and turn. In your dream, you are still drunk, but Taehyung takes care of you like a loving boyfriend would. He brings you water and snacks, helps you walk around and holds you by the hips to keep you steady, and even sits with you in the bathroom while you vomit your guts out, wiping your mouth and forehead and holding back your hair. At one point, you and him leave the lake house, walking all the way to a nearby town and ending up in a high school gymnasium where you pin him to the wall and demand that he take you right there on the bleachers. When you go to kiss him, he stops you and reveals that he put poison in all of your drinks tonight and you collapse to the floor, coughing and trying to force yourself to throw it all up. You wake up dry heaving, tumbling out of bed and into the bathroom where you empty your stomach into the toilet loudly and attempt to catch your breath. It’s the middle of the night now, so Taehyung is in bed already, and he gets up to check if you’re okay, only to be sent away from the door when he offers his help. When you emerge after a few long minutes, you find a cold glass of water on your bedside table and a sleepy boy on the other side of the pillow fort.

“Can you stop bringing it up please?” Zoe groans from her spot at the picnic table, looking like she just wants to curl up underneath it.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, babe, own it.” Jin states proudly, shoulders looking extra high this afternoon. Today is your last full day at the lake house, a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, and just as planned, you’ve set up a picnic outside by the lakeside. All day Hoseok and Namjoon have been teasing Jin and Zoe about their morning exploits, which they could hear from the other side of these thin walls. Seems like they finally found the time to consummate their relationship and get the deed done. They both seem satisfied and happy, but you’re starting to feel embarrassed for them with all the teasing.

“Okay everyone, stop targeting them, let them be happy for once.” You announce, tired of hearing about it while you’re eating. Zoe gives you a grateful look. Despite sporting a hangover, you find yourself in a pleasant mood for the most part. Last night is a little fuzzy, though not totally forgotten, but you have no negative feelings about what happened. That was a really weird dream though. There is one person that doesn’t seem to be as high spirited as usual today, however. He sits there quietly picking at his food looking quite thoughtful, if that was possible.

“What’s wrong, Tae? Hungover?” Jimin pats him on the back and this startles him. Shaking his head lightly, the taller man clears his throat, glancing at you before lowering his gaze back to his food shyly. “Did something happen?”

It’s almost funny how Jimin doesn’t realize that he was the one who caused all of this by sharing a secret to the wrong person. You hoped Taehyung wouldn’t catch on to how distant you were being this morning, keeping away from him conveniently so you could have more time to interpret your dream and dispel the awkwardness of knowing he saw you vomiting late last night, but it appears that he did notice and was taking it the wrong way. You aren’t upset with him— he wasn’t the one who did anything wrong— you just don’t know how to feel about him now. Your own feelings are jumbled up in your head and you don’t know how to sort them or even how to describe what they are. For some reason, finding out Taehyung likes you isn’t as revolting as you thought, and you’re starting to notice the little twinge you get in your heart whenever he looks at you. Do you like him? It’s starting to get ridiculous how much you’ve discovered about yourself in just one weekend. And there’s that feeling again.

You catch him staring at you, studying your body language to see if he can figure out what’s different. The weird feeling comes back the longer you look at each other, so you open your mouth to dispel the tension. “Is there something on my face or something?” Dammit, you didn’t mean for it to come out like that, and now everyone is looking at you in disappointment.

“No.” Taehyung drops his head again, and you turn to the girl beside you to find her glaring at you heatedly. Sooyun speaks with her eyes, expressing how she’s disappointed in you because she thought you were making progress- they all did. And now you have to apologize.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that.” You reply meekly, not even looking at him.

“I told you to stop apologizing to me.” He mumbles, and you roll your eyes. Your friends look between the two of you, unable to figure out what exactly is happening right now. Were you upset? Was he upset? Should they be worried?

“Did something bad happen last night? You two were doing so well yesterday.” Zoe asks in a hurt voice, almost as if the turbulence between you is her own fault and failure. Taehyung lets you answer because, frankly, he’s wondering the same thing.

“Nothing bad happened, everything is fine.” You don’t sound the least bit convincing and even you cringe when you hear yourself.

“Doesn’t seem like it.” Zoe crosses her arms over her chest, pursing her lips in that motherly way that forces you to talk.

“I-It’s just a little weird now because he saw me puking last night. It was kind of embarrassing.” You scratch the back of your neck when you feel it prickle with color, probably because of the partial lie you’ve just told.

“Is that really it?” Tae doesn’t believe you. He straightens up, narrowing his eyes to catch every change in your expression.

“Yes?” The entire table bursts into complaints, calling you out on lying, saying that they can read you like an open book, some of them defending Taehyung and arguing that you owe him an explanation for your behavior. You’ve never seen them so invested in your drama, but then again, you’ve never really had any drama before. Jin stops everyone and addresses you.

“As much as I’d love for you to spill the tea to us right here, I think you and Tae need to go somewhere private and talk it out. Seriously.” With that, you’re kicked out of the table and sent away, told not to come back until you’ve worked out your issues.

“Faye,” Twigs crunch beneath your shoes as you walk along the lake near the tree line, hands crossed at your front and eyes scanning everywhere but him. When he calls your name again, you turn to look at him, feeling your heart skip a beat once more. Why does he have to look so good at a time like this— when you’re confused and conflicted, still processing everything that you’ve learned both about him and yourself in the past few days? “Are you going to say something?”

“I don’t know what to say.” At least you’re honest.

“Okay, then I’ll start.” He takes a deep breath, eyes looking up at the sky and leaves above as he speaks. “Are you upset about something that happened last night? Did I do something? Did Jimin say something to offend you?”

“I told you, I’m just embarrassed about the whole bathroom incident,” So much for honesty. But what else are you supposed to do? Rat out his best friend for having a big mouth and accidentally confessing for him?

“But you started acting weird way before that happened. It was when I left to get water while we were at the fire pit, I know it. I just don’t know why.” You stay silent, swallowing the lump of anxiety in your throat. You don’t want to tell him, but you really want to ask if what Jimin said is true.

“I... found out that you possibly have a crush on me.” You admit slowly, looking up at his face. It contorts into confusion, then slight realization, then a mixture of humiliation and... relief? So many emotions flash across his face that you can barely keep up.

“How did you ‘find out?’” He’s stopped walking by now.

“That doesn’t matter. Is it true?” You must look somewhere between desperate and hopeful because Taehyung pauses for what seems like an eternity before bursting into laughter.

“Are you kidding?” Usually his laugh can lighten a mood, but all it does is make you more tense.

“I’m completely serious right now.”

“So am I.” The wind blows between your bodies, sounding almost deafening in the silence. “Of course I have a crush on you, how could I not? You’re everything I want in a girl from looks to charm and attitude, and no matter what you do, that’s not going to change.”

“Oh.” For one of the first times ever, Taehyung has made you speechless. There is no witty comeback or confident response to counter his attack and you truly stand at a loss for words.

“I never tried to confess to you because it was pretty clear that you didn’t even like me as a friend that much, so I spent most of my energy just trying to get you to pay attention to me in any way I could. In hindsight, I probably didn’t choose the best method.”

“So you did all that just to get my attention?”

“Well, yeah. You wouldn’t even look at me if I didn’t.” Sooyun was right, and so were all the movies. Boys really do do stupid things when they like someone. “So?”

“So, what?”

“So, how do you feel about all of this? I just admitted my feelings to you, the least you can do is give me a reaction.” His eyebrows are furrowed intensely, worry floating around the irises of his eyes. Any trace of confidence he once had has disappeared and all that’s left is anxiety that eats him from the inside.

“I don’t know how I feel. I don’t usually do this.”

“Do what?”

“Talk about... feelings.” Judging by the way you still hold a mostly neutral face, he can tell that deep down you do know. And considering how you haven’t run away in completely and utter disdain, disgust, and repulsion, he assumes that he still has a chance. “Tae, this is a lot. We only just became close yesterday.”

“But we’ve known each other way longer than that. Be honest with me, I can handle if you tell me you don’t feel the same, but I need to know.”

“I...” Fuck, why can’t you reject him? You’re immune to puppy eyes and pouting, there’s no way he could guilt you into anything this time, but you’re starting to think that you really don’t want to reject him. It’s only now that you realize how fast your heart is beating, practically leaping out of your chest in a way that’s uncharacteristic for you.

“Do you need convincing?” It sounds like a genuine question from him, but his eyes are locked on to your lips with a thirst that makes your insides quiver. You think back to the dream you had last night and how realistic your need to kiss him felt, and how badly you want to experience his kiss in real life.

“Convincing?”

“Just a little something to make your decision a little easier.” He doesn’t even realize he’s leaning in to you, tongue peeking out to wet his lips in anticipation, and you find yourself unconsciously following his lead. You should push him away now, tell him no and reject him like he’s expecting you to before this goes too far. Deep down, however, you know you can’t do that because you can feel those butterflies in your stomach the closer he gets. He stops a hair away from your lips, eyes looking down at you for confirmation— he wants you to give him a definite answer and you know he probably won’t move until he gets that from you, so you do the only thing you know will show your certainty, and dive in and kiss him.

Even though you’re the one that kissed him first, you still hesitate against his lips when he responds, but wow this feels good. It feels better than good. It feels like you’re finally doing the one thing you never knew you needed and now that it’s happening, you are filled with an inconceivable amount of gratification. His lips melt into yours, moving at the perfect rhythm and keeping you engaged, one of his hands creeping up to hold gently onto the back your neck. He’s a much better kisser than you expected— not that you’ve thought about it before— and it’s almost hard for you to pull yourself away when you feel it getting a little too heated.

“Did that help at all?” He asks with a sly grin when your eyes remain closed. They snap open, realizing that this is real life this time and not a dream, and a panic creeps up into your chest.

“No.” You’re sure he can see how heavy your breathing is, trying your best to convince yourself not to run away from him. But you do anyway. “I need- um, c-can you give me some time to think about it?”

“Oh, uh, sure.” You don’t wait up for him, giving a few nervous glances before starting off in the direction of the lake house. He doesn’t follow immediately, standing there scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. No matter what you say, you’re still the one that kissed him and he takes solace in that. Even if you don’t have the guts to face it, he now knows that you’re attracted to him in some way, and if you don’t talk ever again after this he’s fine with having kissed you at least once.

When you get back to the picnic, you don’t have an appetite anymore, so you make up an excuse and head into the woods somewhere for some privacy. You bring your sketchbook, yet you don’t draw and instead sit alone with your thoughts just staring off into space. You return about 15 minutes later feeling a little less confused, but you steer clear of Taehyung and Jimin, not wanting to talk to either of them just yet because you know Jimin will ask a million questions. Sooyun leaves you alone too, offering you the same courtesy you gave her when you didn’t force her to talk about Jungkook. This weekend has been full of uncharacteristic behavior for you but it seems like you’ve finally come to your senses and reverted back to normal. The rest of the day is spent silently observing everyone and not really engaging in anything. A few people go swimming in the lake again, but this time you decide to stay inside and watch a bit of tv to take your mind off things. Plus, you were tired of getting bug bites out by the water.

In the middle of your period of solitude, while mindlessly watching reruns of Family Feud, you come across a problem that presents itself as an eight legged creature that crawls in front of you on the coffee table, right next to your can of soda. It’s so big that you can see almost every detail of its body from where you sit on the sofa, and the scream you let out shakes the whole house. But there’s no one there to hear it. So now you’re standing on the expensive piece of furniture, yelling your lungs out while trying to get your brain to function again in order to figure out what to do. Obviously, you need to kill it. But you’re too afraid to get anywhere near that thing— let alone put your hand down there— so that’s out of the question. Your nerve completely dissolves when it starts crawling again, this time towards you, prompting you to jump off the couch and hide all the way across the room on shaky limbs. Then the solution enters.

Just then, Taehyung steps through the front door, brows knit in concern from hearing your screams. “Faye?” Despite your better judgement, you rush over to him and pull him deeper inside, clinging to his arm like he was your life line. All you can do is point to the table where the bug resides with its can of soda— there’s no way you’re going to drink out of it after this, it can have it. “Is that what all the noise is about? A spider?” He chuckles, loving the way you still hold onto him even when he steps in to get a closer look.

“Can you take care of it, please?” Almost in tears, you beg him to help, not caring about anything that’s happened before this moment. You just want it gone. And he’s the right person for the job because Taehyung has never been afraid of bugs.

He moves quickly, grabbing an empty cup and a napkin, and swiftly sweeps the spider up, walking over to the door to free it outside in the grass. It’s precious how he values life like that, although you also wouldn’t mind if he took a hammer to that thing. You thank him with red cheeks, wiping your eyes and attempting to look less like a mess. It’s quiet up until he leaves, pausing at the door after getting water from the kitchen before deciding against talking to you and leaving. You appreciate that he’s giving you space. You also appreciate how he came to your rescue even after you ran away from him earlier, that little stunt just made him a tiny bit more attractive in your eyes, much to your regret. Things seem to feel a bit lighter after that and the night ends with you making more of an effort to be casual with him.

“I call the shower,” He announces to you as you settle yourself in bed. He must be really good at acting because it appears that everything is fine to him, even though you know your indecisiveness is eating away at him on the inside. “Do you need me to check the room for spiders before I go?” He teases, eyes crinkling when you scowl at him.

“That was a moment of weakness, you can’t tease me for that.”

“I think it’s completely fair after you teased me for being scared of the rope swing yesterday.” He shuffles through his bag looking for his bathroom things, long fingers searching for the items languidly. They catch your attention, looking so long and beautiful and a sudden ache forms between you legs when you think of how they would feel deep inside you. What? Where did that come from?

“I didn’t tease you, that was Jimin and Hobi. All I did was laugh.” Your eyes follow his arms as they close his bag, a hint of a muscle peeking out under his sleeve when he lifts it to move it out of the way. And then the shirt comes off.

“Same thing.” Your mouth goes dry when you see his bare torso again, something feeling different about it from when you saw it yesterday at the lake when you were with the others. “I won’t tell anyone else about it, but if you ever see another bug while we’re here, you know who to call.” He winks, sending your stomach fluttering.

“My hero.” You disguise the heat pooling in your stomach with sarcasm, focusing hard on not letting your eyes linger on his bare skin. At the same time, Taehyung peers at you in the same way, neither of you looking at the other’s face as you lose track of what you were even talking about. If he had been looking, he probably would have seen the lust and longing in your stare. He clears his throat before you can work up the nerve to address the elephant in the room and enters the bathroom without another word, escaping the heat that engulfs the room slowly.

That kiss earlier had a bigger effect on you than you had originally anticipated. Just the sight of him shirtless is now enough to short circuit the rational part of your brain and you finally come to terms with the fact that there’s something here. You feel something towards him— something that isn’t annoyance or hate, but more like lust and deep emotion. Sooyun was right, you care about him more than you let on, and you now acknowledge that you’ve been in denial. As soon as you push through that denial, though, you feel an intense need for him to be close to you. It felt so good standing close and kissing him, it sent tingles down your body and to your core that you’ve never experienced before. And now that you know how stupid you’ve been, the sexual tension within you has reached its boiling point. You need to come clean to him.

As soon as he walks out of the steamy bathroom, he finds you staring at the door, pillow barrier now disassembled in the middle of the bed where you crawl over to the edge to sit on your knees. Your face is serious, demanding his attention because you must have something important to say. He drops his dirty clothes on his bag, turning his body and full attention to you.

“Taehyung,”

“Faye.”

“I’ve thought about what you said all day today and I know where I stand now.” Your fingers fumble in your lap but the nervousness doesn’t reach your face. “I maybe... possibly...” His eyes narrow at you and you stop yourself. “I have feelings for you. And even though you’re still an idiot and this realization is distressing for me, I have to come to terms with it.”

“That has to be the worst confession I’ve ever heard.” He chuckles, not at all taking this as seriously as you’d want him to.

“I’m not done yet.” You put up a hand, surprising him with your attitude. “I also realized that I’m horny as fuck and that this is our last night together, so I don’t want to have any regrets.”

“What are you saying?” He shifts his weight and crosses his arms, trying to control the twitch of his lips that signify his cockiness. You want to slap him.

“I’m saying that I want you to fuck me. Right now.” His sly expression no longer fazes you, his tongue poking into his cheek coyly almost as if he knows just how sexy you find it. Your thighs press together slightly at the way he eats you up with his eyes.

“One kiss got you this hot and bothered?” He attempts to dial down his amusement, but it’s radiating off of him.

“A few dirty sentences got you hard?” You counter, looking pointedly at the hand that has dropped to his crotch to palm himself over his sleep shorts. “You know, I could take care of that for you.”

“You sure you could handle it?” He smirks, stalking toward you with an ease that sets your heart racing. His nose brushes yours when he plants his hands on your bare thighs, goosebumps erupting all over from the contact. You stare intensely at each other for a few breathless seconds, testing each other for who will flinch first, eyes alight with challenge. You’ve never seen his pupils so blown, a dominance taking over them that you haven’t yet experienced, but you aren’t one to back down easily. He claims your mouth roughly, gripping your chin to tilt your head to meet him at a better angle so he can infiltrate your mouth with his tongue the moment you part your lips with his. A fire burns in your core, liquefying your insides and causing them to seep into the crotch of your panties with every movement of his tongue against yours. “Don’t start things you can’t finish, princess.”

Your teeth bite down on his bottom lip at the pet name, not hard enough to hurt but enough to send a message that he receives clearly. “Don’t.” Your shy murmur causes him to grow ten times more confident, a mischievous grin finding his lips at the way it’s affected you.

“You like that? I would’ve never guessed.” The dark chuckle that escapes him is cut off by his own lips, pressing quickly against yours before dragging down your jaw to mouth at your neck. The fluttering in your chest makes your head spin, breaths coming out as short huffs against the side of his face as he works his lips on your pulse point. Your eyes close for a split second and the next thing you know, your back is crashing down onto the mattress, Taehyung’s firm body squeezing between the gap of your thighs and large hands pressed in the sheets beside your head. The wet of his tongue slides down your collarbone, pulling gasps from you with the beautiful patterns they create, trailing all the way down to the beginning of your shirt. The garment comes off in a blur, bare chest and hard nipples now exposed to the open air and Taehyung’s awed gaze.

“Touch them, please.” Whiny and desperate, you arch your chest into him to encourage the kisses to continue, your nipples literally tingling in anticipation. He gawks at the sight, collecting your wrists in one hand to pull your arms above your head.

“Fuck,” He breathes, grinding his hips into yours and alerting you to the growing bulge pressed to your thigh. His tongue darts out to lick over a nipple, circling the bud lightly before sucking it into his mouth, and you bite down on your lips to keep your noises at bay. There’s never been a more perfect sight than witnessing Taehyung peer up at you with smoldering eyes and a boob in his mouth, nibbling on it and studying your face for reactions. Your other breast is given the same treatment, and when he pulls away, you’re left with cold, wet marks that reach from the underside of your tits to the top of your chest. “You don’t have to be quiet, you know. I don’t give a fuck who hears.”

“Neither do I.” You purse your lips at him, defying him in a way that makes him growl deep in his throat, eyebrows shooting up. He’s already established his dominance over you, with your hands immobilized above your head and all, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still stubborn. If he wanted you to scream, he would have to earn it.

“That’s how you want to play this? We’ll see about that.” The pressure on your wrists disappears when he reaches down to grip your hips, flipping you over like you weigh nothing and moving you to the middle of the bed. “On your knees, ass up.” His voice is thick and deep, leaving no room for negotiation as you scramble to follow his orders, limbs trembling with excitement. Your panties are absolutely soaked by now and he can tell just by running his fingers over the material that if it weren’t for them, you’d be dripping down your thighs. Your shorts and panties slide down to your knees with ease, restricting you when you try to spread your legs wider for him as he inspects you. “Look how you’ve ruined your cute bear panties,” He coos, running a finger up your slit to collect your juices. They’re the same ones he found in your suitcase on Friday. “All from a few kisses and getting you’re titties sucked. You’re a horny little one, aren’t you, princess?”

You don’t say anything— can’t— because you’re too busy holding back the moans in your throat. His smooth fingers trace your lower lips, spreading you apart so he can get a view of you in all your glory. “Mmm,” You whine lowly, curving your hips backward toward his face to get him to stop staring and do something.

“You look so good bent over like this for me. That pussy looks so sweet.” He’s watering at the mouth just looking at you, your tight hole clenching around nothing at his words. His eyes roam from your dripping essence to your throbbing clit to the roundness of your ass, all of it looking so delicious that he doesn’t know what he wants to touch more. The tips of his fingers are right there, teasing your entrance just to watch you squirm before finally pushing in, slipping two digits in easily without any discomfort. The wetness engulfs him, making lewd sounds when he moves them in and out slowly, mesmerized by the sight of you sucking him in. He dips down for a taste, licking his way upwards from your clit to where his fingers push inside you, catching everything that spills out. “You taste sweet too.” He groans.

“Faster,” You whisper, only to receive a hard slap on the ass with his free hand. You moan for the first time tonight, surprised yet still fairly quiet, your walls clamping down around the two fingers he still pumps into you.

“You’re in no position to make demands, princess. You already pissed me off, you’re lucky I’m even giving you this.” His hand comes down on the other cheek, a loud smack echoing through the room, and you bet everyone in the house could hear it. He doesn’t increase his pace, but he does go deeper, working his way into your depths with a few deep strokes before adding another finger, making your eyes roll back.

“Oh, fuck..”

“You like that, huh? What did you say to me the other night? I have alien fingers?” The edge in his voice makes him seem angry, but you can tell by the way his free hand keeps massaging your ass that he’s just turned on. “Answer me.”

“Yes,” You whimper, barely able to control your own voice with how deeply he reaches inside you.

“Bet you appreciate them now,” He goads, curling upwards intentionally at just the right spot. You buck your hips back, gasping when he does it again and lowers his mouth back to your clit, tongue flicking and swirling around the bud with skills you didn’t think he possessed. Guess all the porn he’s been watching has finally paid off. He slurps at your juices, making obscene noises that make you feel light headed, the combination of his fingers and tongue driving you to the point of madness.

Having started off on your elbows, you now lay on your chest, arms splayed out and gripping onto the sheets for mercy, teeth biting into the material as a last ditch effort to contain your noises. Moans muffle into the mattress leaving a wet spot from your saliva, and it’s all you can do not to scream out. He doesn’t deserve to hear you moan yet, you don’t want to give him the satisfaction, but your body doesn’t care about your stubborn agenda, it only cares about how good it feels to have Taehyung spread you with his gorgeous fingers in preparation for his cock that is undoubtedly straining in his shorts.

“T-Tae,” You gape, feeling your approaching high.

“I’m not gonna stop until I hear you moan for me— which means I’m not going to give you this dick as long as you decide to keep up this game of yours.” He’s stern, strict about his rules no matter how badly he wants to feel your tight pussy wrapped around him. But you’ve made him wait this long for it, what’s 5 more minutes when he’ll finally get to hear your angelic voice cry out for him? He adds a twist to his wrist, your insides quivering uncontrollably around the digits. You’ve never had fingers this long before and the sensation is heavenly, you can’t wait to feel how big his cock is. Dick jokes aside, you’ve seen his imprint on several occasions and tried not to look, but now you’ll finally get to see it uncovered and your core throbs at the thought. His tongue adds more pressure to your clit when he feels this, fingers prodding with more force and speed until you can no longer hold it in and let loose the noises that were chocked up in your chest.

“Oh my god,” You claw, voice projecting out from your diaphragm at full volume. Taehyung lets out a pleased hum on your lips and you can feel his cheeks lift into a smile. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, please!” Boiling, building heat swirls in your stomach, threatening to throw you off of your knees the closer it gets to bubbling over, but his hand is wrapped tightly around your thigh to keep you upright, digging his face in your cunt the more you try to slip away. Your wetness is dripping down his chin and wrist by now, coating everything in its path with never ending lube that sloshes around the incessant thrusting of his hand. The heat is too much, you can’t take it anymore, and with a series of high pitched moans and cries of his name, you cum, quaking and grinding into his palm with every wave that crashes through you.

“Good girl,” Taehyung praises, sounding short of breath himself. His damp lips kiss up your thighs, leaving a trail of wetness in the few places that were untouched by your juices. He retracts his fingers from you gingerly, mindful of your sensitivity, and finally lets you collapse to the bed in a heaving, boneless heap. “I knew you’d sound hot when you came, but damn,” He chuckles, relieving you of your shorts and underwear entirely, pulling off his own offending garments while he’s at it. “I almost came just listening to you. Are you going to be good from now on?”

When you turn yourself onto your side and look at him, you catch sight of his angry erection, colored red and shiny with precum and pressure. He tugs at it impatiently, eyes boring into yours just daring you to disobey him again. “Yes, Sir.” You don’t miss how his cock twitches at the name.

He’s demonstrated his patience with things like this, but you can tell it’s wearing thin as he squeezes himself at the base, a long drop of precum oozing down onto your hip. His length is the longest you’ve seen, not slacking in the thickness department either, and you just know he’s going to tear you apart— but in the best way possible. You’re wet enough to take him right now, though the stretch might be a little uncomfortable, but you’re tired of waiting to feel him.

“Sure you can take it?” He asks one more time, tapping it on your ass a few times.

“I don’t care, I want you to fuck me open either way.” At this he grins, biting his lip because he always knew you had a dirty mouth, but then he pauses. “What are you waiting for?” You ask, worry creeping up on you that for some reason he could be backing out. He shuts his eyes as if thinking hard, gears grinding like he knows he’s forgotten something, and then he opens them and looks at you in realization.

“Condom.” In your haste, you had forgotten everything you’ve leaned about safety in health class, not even thinking about protection up until now. He seems a little panicked and you assume that means he doesn’t have one, but you remember the one condom you kept “just in case” that you threw into the beside drawer without a care. Thank goodness for Yoongi. You point and Taehyung nearly lunges over you to get to it, tearing open the package faster than you can even blink and sliding it on with a deep moan. “Ready?”

“Absolutely.” With a hand on your ass to spread you open for him, Tae lines up his tip with your entrance, running it along your slit for lubrication before thrusting inside languidly. He almost goes all the way in on the first stroke, the stretch feeling better than expected as you take him in inch by inch, trying to relax your muscles to welcome his entrance. The small sounds you make every time he pushes deeper makes his head spin with a rush of adrenaline, fueling every subsequent movement until he’s as deep as he can go without forcing himself.

“God, you feel so good, princess.” He pants. It’s a snug fit, to say the least, and it takes everything in him to keep calm and give you time to adjust. “Can I move?” As soon as you nod, he retracts his hips, snapping them a bit more shallowly but enough to have you moaning out. Your sensitive walls massage him so well that it’s hard for him to even keep up a steady rhythm, let alone focus on not going too hard, but that’s not what you want.

“Taehyung,” You call, meeting his eyes. “Fuck me.”

“Yeah?” He seems strained, unsure if he should or not, but you’re well adjusted now and want nothing more than for him to let go of all restraint and pound into you.

“Yeah. I can take it, please,” You beg. A purposeful squeeze around his length is all it takes for him to give in. He growls as he repositions you back on your knees, one hand pressing down your lower back and the other sliding a fluffy pillow under your hips to keep you up.

“Just say ‘stop’ if it gets too much, okay princess?” He murmurs into your ear, leaning forward to kiss tenderly along your shoulder blades. Gripping at your waist again, he straightens up and watches his first few strokes, cock covered in your wet sheen thoroughly. Seeing this makes him snap, and suddenly you’re being catapulted face first into the bed as he pounds roughly inside of you, hands digging into your hips to keep you up.

Your moans cut through the air along with the sound of his rapid thrusting, hips meeting your ass so hard that you can feel shockwaves traveling up your spine. The pace is fast and rough, so fast that you can barely catch a breath in between thrusts— but you don’t need oxygen anymore. You only need Taehyung’s cock fucking inside of you right now, so good that you’d trade breathing for this feeling anytime.

“You’re so... fucking... tight.” He groans loudly, reaching for your hair with one hand. It pulls on your roots, forcing your head to crane back and back to arch wildly. He hits differently this way, going deeper and harder in the new angle, tip nudging at your cervix in a mixture of pain and pleasure that makes your toes curl in the sheets, wetness gushing out of you and adding to the cacophony of noises that fill the room. Rocking back towards him, you meet him thrust for thrust on your shaky legs, begging for him to pull your hair harder. “Look at you, acting like a dirty little slut for me. I would have fucked this tight pussy ages ago if I knew how freaky you were.” He grins, holding onto your makeshift ponytail harshly and riding you like the reigns on a horse. “You like it rough don’t you? Want me plow you with my big cock until you’re screaming, huh?”

“Fuck yes, give me more!” The high pitch whininess of your voice contrasts with his bass, both of you moaning in sync when he lets go of your hair and splays his hands across your back, using his weight to move faster inside of you.

“Stay still and take this cock,” He grunts when you jolt forward, caught between wanting to move away from him and rocking yourself back to feel everything he has to offer. His moans get louder and more frequent above you, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth agape as he gets lost in how high he feels while he’s inside you. Every little whimper and moan you make just edges him on and he has to slow himself down before he finishes too early. Shoving himself in deep, he grinds against you, removing his hands from your back to lean over your body. You can feel the sweat dripping off of him onto your back, your own skin feeling so hot you thought the liquid would evaporate on first contact. The reprieve from his hardcore pace doesn’t offer you any relief, his grinding allowing you to feel all the points where his skin rubs against yours, a sticky mixture of sweat and your arousal binding you together in a way that feels sinfully good. His hand slaps your ass a few times, watching it jiggle from the impact, and you tighten around him a little more each time he hits. “Your cunt is so good you almost made me cum early.” He admits, sitting back on his haunches and pulling you up by your arms.

You let out a breathless chuckle, the noise quickly replaced by a gasp when he starts pounding into you again, your head thrown back on his shoulder and one arm reaching up into his hair. His hands roam on their own accord, skimming up your front and sides to squeeze at your bouncing breasts, thumbs circling your nipples to pull drawn out moans from you. One of his hands slides a little further, teasing the skin at the base of your neck as if asking for permission, and when you moan his name, he takes that as his cue and wraps his long fingers around your throat. It’s light at first, but he slowly constricts around you, cutting off your airflow just the slightest bit, just enough to give your head a slight buzz and heighten the feeling of his touch.

“Tae, it feels so good.” You mewl, your free hand coming up to grab onto your abandoned breast as he steadily picks up pace again. Hearing him pant and grunt and groan into your ear is hotter than you could have imagined, and he’s not afraid to vocalize how amazing you feel around him. He’s louder than you at this point, still being drowned out by the sloppy sounds of your pussy and his thighs slapping together, and you almost want to silence yourself just to listen to the sounds he makes for you. He moans your name, holding you up by the throat as he once again loses himself in the rhythmic tightening of your core. You’re close, he can feel it, and he can’t think of anything he wants to feel more than you cumming while he’s deep within you.

“Play with yourself, princess. Rub that pretty clit.” He whispers into your ear, nibbling onto the lobe and kissing down your neck. As soon as your fingers touch the swollen nub, your cries get exponentially louder, curses tumbling from your lips as you chase your high. A tightness forms in your lower abdomen, coiling and winding like a spring that’s ready to snap. For the moments leading up to your orgasm, you think you stop breathing, face stuck in a silent scream from the building pleasure. “I want you to cum on my cock, baby. Cum for me now.” He demands lowly, eyes focused on the side of your face as you follow his command, spring unfurling in your core and sending you flying into ecstasy. You take in a broken gasp, eventually letting out a strangled cry of his name into the open air, walls fluttering and pulsating around his member. “Shit,”

Taehyung releases your neck, letting you fall into the mattress, your clenching walls dislodging him from your heat. But he’s quick to clamber over you, straddling your thighs and adjusting the pillow under you to lift your hips up. He spreads your ass cheeks with his palms, inserting himself back into you swiftly and starting an easy speed. His fingertips are gentle when they reach to push your hair away from your face, neck craning down to connect your lips.

“You did so well for me, princess.” His lips mumble against your own. You can feel his cock throbbing with every thrust he delivers. “I’m gonna cum so hard.” He rasps, looping his arms under your own to immobilize you, his grunts getting louder and more aggressive with the slap of his hips. You wish you could see what he looks like right now, muscles flexing and skin dewy with the sweat he’s worked up, entire body flushed with effort to bring him to his high. You offer help, grinding up against him when his pace falters a little, lacing your fingers with his own. “Keep grinding your hips on me, princess. Yeah, just like that. I love how tight you squeeze me.”

“Your cock made me feel so good, Tae.” You squeak, bending your legs to rest your heels on his ass to feel his strong muscles.

“Yeah? You want me to cum for you?” He asks, face tucked into the crook of your shoulder.

“Please,” You whine. “Give it to me.”

His hips pick up at your words, pounding you hard and fast to get him there. He locks his feet around your calves and pulls your legs straight, pushing up onto his hands to get maximum power, letting out long, drawn out moans that rumble throughout the room, shaking you to your center as you lay there and take it. “I’m gonna cum, fuck!” His breathing is loud, knuckles white as he grips onto the sheets, giving his all into the last couple of thrusts before his loudest moan yet rips through the air. Cock pushing deeply as he cums, he drops down to his elbows on top of you and continues thrusting, softer now. You let him ride out his high, loving the feeling of him throbbing against your walls, spilling into the condom while he’s inside you.

When he comes down, you let him pull out and flop down beside you, both of you too weak to move for the moment. You feel empty without him and almost want to go over and sit on his dick before it’s fully soft again, but you refrain, letting your eyes fall shut.

“How was that for you?” He questions hesitantly while pulling off the condom, barely having enough energy to walk over and throw it in the trash.

“Holy shit,” Is all you can respond and the both of you laugh.

“It was good for me too...” A silence falls over the room and you fear what comes next, hoping it won’t be awkward, but it actually feels quite comfortable. He maneuvers your bodies so that you’re up against the pillows and turns out the light, neither of you wanting to do anything other than sleep.

Ugh, Monday mornings. Well, at least you hope it’s still morning. You and Taehyung were exhausted after your night together, passing out while still naked and barely under the covers. His cuddling habit hadn’t changed last night— and you didn’t expect it to— so you wake up wrapped tightly in his embrace, arms and legs both coiled around you like some sort of snake. It’s comfortable enough that you stay there, trying to ignore the fact that you’re literally both buck ass naked and tangled together, and watch his face for a minute. Last night he absolutely destroyed you. Your back feels stiff and your throat is sore and you aren’t really sure if your legs work anymore. Considering that no one has knocked on your door yet to wake you up, you assume that your friends haven’t left without you, but it’s probably a good idea to get ready to leave anyway.

Somehow, you manage to get Taehyung up and pull him to the shower, fighting away the shyness of him seeing you naked again to wash yourself properly. He smiles to himself when he sees the marks he left on your chest, the little bites and kisses will probably be visible in any tank top you decide to wear, so he hopes you have one decent shirt to conceal your upper half. You scold him for them, smacking him on the shoulder with your soapy hand, and things seem to be normal. You want them to be normal.

“There they are,” Jimin claps, eyes glittering with mischief. “The heroes of the night. The ones that kept us up until 3am.” You ignore everyone’s stares in favor of grabbing a bowl in the kitchen and choosing a cereal, hunger greatly outweighing humiliation. Actually, you’re not even embarrassed. You had some great sex last night and you’re happy about it, and they should be too.

“Tae seems to have a special glow this morning,” Hoseok adds, grinning. “Was it good?”

“Sounds like it was.” Namjoon snickers, pretending like he doesn’t notice your glare.

“Shut up you two, don’t act like we didn’t hear you breaking the bed last night way after us.” You snap, sticking your tongue out at both men. Their eyebrows shoot up. “And you can’t talk either Jimin, I know you spent the night in Yoongi’s room.”

“So now you’re defending him? Jesus, Tae, what did you do to her?” Jimin snorts, elbowing his friend playfully. Neither you nor Taehyung have a reaction to the further teasing, eating your food in silence and sharing looks with each other.

You’re saved from the teasing a few minutes later when Jungkook and Sooyun walk in hand in hand, hair mused and crust under their eyes. It’s clear they had an eventful night and sorted out their issues, much like you and Tae, and you wonder if they’re a couple now. You’ll ask Sooyun later for all the details. Zoe questions them with a raised eyebrow, looking them up and down when they stand embarrassed in the middle of the dining room. Jimin yells out the obvious, stating that they had sex and their faces explode into color. You don’t have enough energy to scold him again.

Leaving the lake house is almost peaceful for you, you feel like this is a suitable conclusion to your high school life, like you’ve found closure after your resolution, and that everyone is leaving happier than when they came. In the shower this morning, Tae asked if anything would change between you, expressing that he didn’t particularly expect anything to come out of this since you were about to leave for college. You told him the truth, that there’s no point in trying to develop your relationship this late in the game and that it’s better off if you just stay friends. He smiles at your rationality, easily agreeing and pulling you in for one more kiss. Your heart aches a little because you’ve missed possibly having a strong relationship with him during your high school years, but you’re ready to mature away from him. And besides, there’s always breaks and summer vacations to see each other, and plenty of chances to catch up with each other ;).

#taehyung smut #bscproject #btssmutclub #taehyung angst

[olgagarmash]

Why are Americans obsessed with fitness? The answer: Neoliberalism – Salon

Before the coronavirus pandemic, the United States was the world’s largest fitness market with an estimated industry revenue of $96 billion in 2019. From spin to HIIT classes to pilates to hot yoga to commercial gyms, over the last 50 years America’s obsession with working out has only grown. Author and historian Jürgen Martschukat calls time on the so-called “Age of Fitness,” which he examines in depth in his new book, “The Age of Fitness: How the Body Came to Symbolize Success and Achievement.”

What’s especially peculiar about the West’s fitness-mania is that it isn’t tied to organized sport, nor to winning a medal, but rather the goal of “achieving a fit body.” That goal has become a mechanism to perpetuate privilege, Martschukat writes. “This body, in turn, stands for an array of partially overlapping forces, abilities and ideals, which point far beyond the doing of the sport,” he says. “These encompass one’s health and performance in everyday life and at work, productivity and the ability to cope with challenging situations, potency, a slim figure, and a pleasing appearance according to the prevalent standards of beauty.”

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In other words, Martschukat argues that modern humans don’t just work out to stay healthy, but instead they do it to achieve a body image standard set by society that isn’t merely about beauty, but also a representation of how we function in our lives. This, he says, is a repercussion of life in a hyper-individualistic, neoliberal society.

“The last half-century may be considered the age of fitness, and it is no accident that it coincides with the age of neoliberalism,” Martschukat writes. “Rather than a generalizing call to arms, here neoliberalism denotes an epoch that has modeled itself on the market, interprets every situation as a competitive struggle and enjoins people to make productive use of their freedom.”

If you’ve ever been curious to think more critically about our culture’s obsession with fitness and how it’s tied to today’s dominant ideology in public policy, this book is for you. I spoke with Martschukat by phone recently to learn more; as always, this interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

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Let’s start with why you wrote this book. What sparked your interest in the subject and looking at it through the lens that you did, which was examining the correlation between fitness and neoliberalism?

I have been, what you might call, a “historian of the body” for quite some time. So I’m interested in how bodies have changed in history, how the meaning has changed and also how the body practices have changed over the years, decades, and centuries. And so I’ve done some research on sports history before I embarked on this project and other kinds of projects related to the body. And then what has become more important for me in recent, let’s say, in the last 10 years or so, is writing the history of the present.

This means that I’m interested in understanding phenomena in our present by exploring their past. And when you walk around with open eyes and follow the news, it’s quite easy to see that we’ve quite obviously encountered a certain fitness hype. One one hand, you see all the shaped bodies and people working out, and then there is something that has been deemed the “obesity crisis.”

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At first glance, it might seem like it is two opposite forces, but when you look more closely, you see it’s more like two sides of the same coin. Our society and culture are arranged around the idea of a successful self, with the body taken as its indicator. That’s what kind of sparked my interest.

Your book made me rethink why I work out and how I’m contributing to something bigger. And it’s really interesting. I’m wondering if you can just briefly explain to our readers what role fitness plays in neoliberalism?

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Well it’s no coincidence that the “Age of Neoliberalism” and the “Age of Fitness” overlap. In the last half-century we have lived in a society and culture that organizes itself very much through the idea of the market and through market practices, and our society and culture praises autonomy and self-government very much and maybe more than ever before in history. Of course the market and the idea of self-government have not been invented in the 1970s or 1980s, but their power has definitely increased. In this context, our body has become something that we might call a “bio-share,” that we try to sell on the market; or, that is taken as representing our abilities on the market.

I’ve had the pleasure of working with colleagues from sociology who do stigma research. And stigma research very much tells us that fat people are heavily discriminated against based on their body shape; for instance on the job market or also in the education system from early age on. What I am interested in is how fitness produces privilege, because it is considered as an expression of our ability to have control over our life, to act autonomously, to achieve things, and to succeed in this market-driven society and culture that we live in.

I love that term bio-share, that’s such an interesting way to think about it. In the book you keep coming back to this idea that fitness in our society right now is grounded in the principle of working on oneself, and like you said, you’re interested in how fitness produces privilege. I definitely think that in America, and I’m sure in Germany too, Americans have become obsessed with this idea of self-care and wellness. It’s kind of like an extension of the fitness craze. Would you agree with that?

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Well, as you just said, one thing I’m really interested in is how fitness benefits some people more than others. Fitness is what I call a “regulatory ideal,” meaning that fitness has an impact on who is recognized as a productive member of society and to what extent. Thus, the idea that we are all endowed with the right to pursue happiness, which I like to rephrase as “the pursuit of fitness,” this idea puts a lot of pressure on many people, if not even on all of us, because the right to the pursuit of happiness is not only a promise and an opportunity, but also an obligation.

It’s the obligation that comes along with freedom and that’s the obligation to make the best of our lives. What we are told is that we can all achieve success and happiness, even though we are not so sure what that might be. Even back in the days, in the age of the Founding Fathers, happiness was very often interpreted as economic success and owning property.

We are told that we can achieve happiness and success in life if we only work hard enough. We all know that working hard helps in many cases, but we also all know that this is not true because some people work really hard all their lives and, nevertheless, success and happiness do not come to them, or at least not to the extent that they expect it to be. Therefore, fitness and the idea that we are responsible for our bodies, our success and happiness in life, creates a lot of disappointment and frustration that comes along with this system.

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So if fitness trends in the Western societies are often a reaction to the market and economic situation, how can we break free of that pattern?

Breaking free of that pattern, I think, is really a tough challenge because this culture of fitness is so tightly interwoven with the basic principles of our society. One way of breaking free might be to move away from the idea that competition and the market are the most efficient ways to organize a society to the benefit of all. Instead, maybe more solidarity and mutual support would be beneficial to all of us. When it comes to the practice of exercise and fitness itself, approaching fitness in a less competitive manner would then again foreground the pleasure that comes along with it, the pleasure of movement, of experiencing and feeling a working and moving body, of breathing cold air on a nice morning. All the joy that comes along with practices of fitness. If we succeed in practicing fitness separate from this highly-competitive edge, hopefully the beauty and pleasure of fitness move to the foreground.

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I think there’s a lot of joy that’s been lost in fitness now.

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And that’s what I also try to stress in my book: it brings a lot of joy and pleasure. I think that’s something that we should not forget.

I thought it was fascinating how you talked a little about how the hyper-focus on fitness lost its appeal in the New Deal era with the rise of work programs. There was a cultural shift from improving the individual to improving the collective. Can you explain the reason behind that shift in more depth?

Well, the Great Depression of the 1930s was a crisis of massive proportion, economic, political, cultural, and also psychological. Up to this point in history, the predominant socio-political philosophy was very much centered on individual responsibility and what was called “rugged individualism.” However, the Great Depression showed that we all depend upon forces that are beyond our control. This led to a change in politics and also modifications in the philosophy of society, from individualism to more solidarity and to collective responsibility for the wellbeing of each and every person.

I do not want to idealize the New Deal policy here. There were many injustices and imbalances involved, but in general, that’s a transformation that came along with the crisis of the 1930s and that affected the body politics of the 1930s. On one hand, strong and powerful bodies were still idealized in the 1930s. If you look, for instance, at 1930s photos depicting one of the major New Deal programs, which was called Civilian Conservation Corps, they endlessly show images of strong young, mostly male, white bodies who do hard work on nature. But, on the other hand and contrary to the notion of “rugged individualism,” there was always this collectivist tone to it, which is the powerful subtext of the imagery and of the cultural and photographic icons of those days. And that’s very different from the fitness and body hype that we experienced earlier around the turn of the century from the 19th to the 20th century, and also very different from today.

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Do you think that fitness has been weaponized by capitalism?

I don’t know if we should say weaponized. Weaponized sounds to me like it is kind of used by capitalism and employed in order to achieve a certain goal. I would argue that fitness is embedded in capitalism and incorporates the logic of competition and an individualized understanding of success. There is no capitalism that uses a tool called fitness, but fitness, so to speak, is and embodies capitalism and competition. Fitness is part of this notion of a society that organizes itself based on competition, exercise, achievement, and so on.

And corporate fitness, as you discuss in your book.

Yes, of course. Understanding fitness and capitalism as intertwined does not mean that people or corporations are not aware of the power of fitness and of the value of fitness. It does not mean that the fitness craze cannot be exploited. There is corporate fitness on one hand, thus companies trying to nudge their employees to work out and keep fit, and then there is of course the fitness market, which has gained massive proportions since the 1970s.

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Where do you think we are right now in history? I mean, I know you can’t predict the future, but where do you think we’re headed in this Age of Fitness?

On one hand, the pandemic underlines that we live in the age of fitness. I don’t know how it is in California, but over here on the streets right now, we see more people than ever before walking, hiking, jogging, and bike riding. After all, gyms are closed right now, but gyms are also very creative. They create outdoor training areas to compensate for the financial losses and to satisfy customers’ demands. Quite obviously, many people feel a strong urge to stay in shape during the pandemic. This is, by the way, underlined by the booming exercise bike market. I recently read that American President Joe Biden takes his Peloton Bike to wherever he goes, which might help them to sell even more of them.

At the same time, according to all we can tell about the pandemic and how it affects different societies across the globe, it indicates that responding to a crisis of this proportion requires a somehow coordinated strategy. Or to put it differently, the pandemic shows that it affects people differently and that we cannot handle every problem by ourselves, or at least not everyone can, and that rugged individualism, autonomy and competition is obviously no adequate response to a crisis of this proportion. What we might be seeing now is the dawn of a new politics of solidarity. Who knows, but let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Jürgen Martschukat’s book, “The Age of Fitness: How the Body Came to Symbolize Success and Achievement,” was released on March 22 from Polity.

source https://wealthch.com/why-are-americans-obsessed-with-fitness-the-answer-neoliberalism-salon/

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Daily Ethical Design

Suddenly, I realized that the people next to me might be severely impacted by my work.I was having a quick lunch in the airport. A group of flight attendants sat down at the table next to me and started to prepare for their flight. For a while now, our design team had been working on futuristic concepts for the operations control center of these flight attendants’ airline, pushing ourselves to come up with innovative solutions enabled by the newest technologies. As the control center deals with all activities around flying planes, our concepts touched upon everything and everyone within the airline.How was I to know what the impact of my work would be on the lives of these flight attendants? And what about the lives of all the other people working at the airline?Ideally, we would have talked to all the types of employees in the company and tested our concepts with them. But, of course, there was no budget (or time) allocated to do so, not to mention we faced the hurdle of convincing (internal) stakeholders of the need.Not for the first time, I felt frustrated: practical, real-world constraints prevented me from assessing the impact and quality of my work. They prevented me from properly conducting ethical design.

What is ethical design?

Right, good question. A very comprehensive definition of ethical design can be found at Encyclopedia.com:

Design ethics concerns moral behavior and responsible choices in the practice of design. It guides how designers work with clients, colleagues, and the end users of products, how they conduct the design process, how they determine the features of products, and how they assess the ethical significance or moral worth of the products that result from the activity of designing.

In other words, ethical design is about the “goodness”—in terms of benefit to individuals, society, and the world—of how we collaborate, how we practice our work, and what we create. There’s never a black-and-white answer for whether design is good or bad, yet there are a number of areas for designers to focus on when considering ethics.

Usability

Nowadays usability has conquered a spot as a basic requirement for each interface; unusable products are considered design failures. And rightly so; we have a moral obligation as designers to create products that are intuitive, safe, and free from possibly life-threatening errors. We were all reminded of usability’s importance by last year’s accidental nuclear strike warning in Hawaii. What if, instead of a false-positive, the operator had broadcasted a false-negative?

Accessibility

Like usability, inclusive design has become a standard item in the requirement list of many designers and companies. (I will never forget that time someone tried to use our website with a screen reader—and got absolutely stuck at the cookie message.) Accessible design benefits all, as it attempts to cover as many needs and capabilities as possible. Yet for each design project, there are still a lot of tricky questions to answer. Who gets to benefit from our solutions? Who is (un)intentionally left out? Who falls outside the “target customer segment”?

Privacy

Another day, another Facebook privacy scandal. As we’re progressing into the Data Age, the topic of privacy has become almost synonymous with design ethics. There’s a reason why more and more people use DuckDuckGo as an alternative search engine to Google. Corporations have access to an abundance of personal information about consumers, and as designers we have the privilege—and responsibility—of using this information to shape products and services. We have to consider how much information is strictly necessary and how much people are willing to give up in exchange for services. And how can we make people aware of the potential risks without overloading them?

User involvement

Overlapping largely with privacy, this focus area is about how we deal with our users and what we do with the data that we collect from them. IDEO has recently published The Little Book of Design Research Ethics, which provides a comprehensive overview of the core principles and guidelines we should follow when conducting design research.

Persuasion

Ethics related to persuasion is about to what extent we may influence the behavior and thoughts of our users. It doesn’t take much to bring acceptable, “white hat” persuasion into gray or even dark territories. Conversion optimization, for example, can easily turn into “How do we squeeze out more revenue from our customers by turning their unconsciousness against them?” Prime examples include Netflix, which convinces us to watch, watch, and watch even more, and Booking.com, which barrages our senses with urgency and social pressure.

Focus

The current digital landscape is addictive, distracting, and competing for attention. Designing for focus is about responsibly handling people’s most valuable resource: time. Our challenge is to limit everything that disrupts our users’ attention, lower the addictiveness of products, and create calmness. The Center for Humane Technology has started a useful list of resources for this purpose.

Sustainability

What’s the impact of our work on the world’s environment, resources, and climate? Instead of continuously adding new features in the unrelenting scrum treadmill, how could we design for fewer? We’re in the position to create responsible digital solutions that enable sustainable consumer behavior and prevent overconsumption. For example, apps such as Optimiam and Too Good To Go allow people to order leftover food that would normally be thrashed. Or consider Mutum and Peerby, whose peer-to-peer platforms promote the sharing and reuse of owned products.

Society

The Ledger of Harms of the Center for Human Technology is a work-in-progress collection of the negative impacts that digital technology has on society, including topics such as relationships, mental health, and democracy. Designers who are mindful of society consider the impact of their work on the global economy, communities, politics, and health.

[caption id="attachment_7171650" align="alignnone" width="1200"] The focus areas of design ethics. That’s a lot to consider![/caption]

Ethics as an inconvenience

Ideally, in every design project, we should assess the potential impact in all of the above-mentioned areas and take steps to prevent harm. Yet there are many legitimate, understandable reasons why we often neglect to do so. It’s easy to have moral principles, yet in the real world, with the constraints that our daily life imposes upon us, it’s seldom easy to act according to those principles.We might simply say it’s inconvenient at the moment. That there’s a lack of time or budget to consider all the ethical implications of our work. That there are many more pressing concerns that have priority right now. We might genuinely believe it’s just a small issue, something to consider later, perhaps. Mostly, we are simply unaware of the possible consequences of our work.And then there’s the sheer complexity of it all: it’s simply too much to simultaneously focus on. When short on time, or in the heat of approaching deadlines and impatient stakeholders, how do you incorporate all of design ethics’ focus areas?Where do you even start?

Ethics as a structural practice

For these reasons, I believe we need to elevate design ethics to a more practical level. We need to find ways to make ethics not an afterthought, not something to be considered separately, but rather something that’s so ingrained in our process that not doing it means not doing design at all.The only way to overcome the “inconvenience” of acting ethically is to practice daily ethical design: ethics structurally integrated in our daily work, processes, and tools as designers. No longer will we have to rely on the exceptions among us; those extremely principled who are brave enough to stand up against the system no matter what kind of pressure is put upon them. Because the system will be on our side.By applying ethics daily and structurally in our design process, we’ll be able to identify and neutralize in a very early stage the potential for mistakes and misuse. We’ll increase the quality of our design and our practices simply because we’ll think things through more thoroughly, in a more conscious and structured manner.But perhaps most important is that we’ll establish a new standard for design. A standard that we can sell to our clients as the way design should be done, with ethical design processes and deliverables already included. A standard that can be taught to design students so that the newest generation of designers doesn’t know any better than to apply ethics, always.

How to practice daily ethical design?

At this point we’ve arrived at the question of how we can structurally integrate ethics into our design process. How do we make sure that our daily design decisions will result in a product that’s usable and accessible; protects people’s privacy, agency, and focus; and benefits both society and nature?I want to share with you some best practices that I’ve identified so far, and how I’ve tried to apply them during a recent project at Mirabeau. The goal of the project was to build a web application that provides a shaver manufacturer’s factory workers insight into the real-time availability of production materials.

Connect to your organization’s mission and values

By connecting our designs to the mission and values of the companies we work for, we can structurally use our design skills in a strategic manner, for moral purposes. We can challenge the company to truly live up to its promises and support it in carrying out its mission. This does, however, require you to be aware of the company’s values, and to compare these to your personal values.As I had worked with our example client before, I knew it was a company that takes care of its employees and has a strong focus on creating a better world. During the kick-off phase, we used a strategy pyramid to structure the client’s mission and values, and to agree upon success factors for the project. We translated the company’s customer-facing brand guidelines to employee-focused design principles that maintained the essence of the organization.

Keep track of your assumptions

Throughout our entire design process, we make assumptions for each decision that we take. By structurally keeping track of these assumptions, you’ll never forget about the limitations of your design and where the potential risks lie in terms of (harmful) impact on users, the project, the company, and society.In our example project, we listed our assumptions about user goals, content, and functionalities for each page of the application. If we were not fully sure about the value for end users, or the accuracy of a user goal, we marked it as a value assumption. When we were unsure if data could be made available, we marked this as a data (feasibility) assumption. If we were not sure whether a feature would add to the manufacturer’s business, we marked it as a scope assumption. Every week, we tested our assumptions with end users and business stakeholders through user tests and sprint demos. Each design iteration led to new questions and assumptions to be tested the next week.

Aim to be proven wrong

While our assumptions are the known unknowns, there are always unknown unknowns that we aren’t aware of but could be a huge risk for the quality and impact of our work. The only way we can identify these is by applying the scientific principle of falsifiability: seeking actively to be proven wrong. Only outsiders can point out to us what we miss as an individual or as a team.In our weekly user tests, we included factory workers and stakeholders with different disciplines, from different departments, and working in different contexts, to identify the edge cases that could break our concept. On one occasion, this made us reconsider the entirety of our concept. Still, we could have done better: although scalability to other factories was an important success factor, we were unable to gather input from those other factories during the project. We felt our only option was to mention this as a risk (“limit to scalability”).

Use the power of checklists

Let’s face it: we forget things. (Without scrolling up the page, can you name all the focus areas of design ethics?) This is where checklists help us out: they provide knowledge in the world, so that we don’t have to process it in our easily overwhelmed memory. Simple yet powerful, a checklist is an essential tool to practice daily ethical design.In our example project, we used checklists to maintain an overview of questions and assumptions to user test, checking whether we included our design principles properly, and assessing whether we complied to the client’s values, design principles, and the agreed-upon success factors. In hindsight, we could also have taken a moment during the concept phase to go through the list of focus areas for design ethics, as well as have taken a more structural approach to check accessibility guidelines.

The main challenge for daily ethical design

Most ethics focus areas are quite tangible, where design decisions have immediate, often visible effects. While certainly challenging in their own right, they’re relatively easy to integrate in our daily practice, especially for experienced designers.Society and the environment, however, are more intangible topics; the effects of our work in these areas are distant and uncertain. I’m sure that when Airbnb was first conceived, the founders did not consider the magnitude of its disruptive impact on the housing market. The same goes for Instagram, as its role in creating demand for fast fashion must have been hard to foresee.Hard, but not impossible. So how do we overcome this challenge and make the impact that we have on society and the environment more immediate, more daily?

Conduct Dark Reality sessions

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates used a series of questions to gradually uncover the invalidity of people’s beliefs. In a very similar way, we can uncover the assumptions and potential disastrous consequences of our concepts in a ‘Dark Reality’ session, a form of speculative design that focuses on stress-testing a concept with challenging questions.We have to ask ourselves—or even better, somebody outside our team has to ask us— questions such as, “What is the lifespan of your product? What if the user base will be in the millions? What are the long-term effects on economy, society, and the environment? Who benefits from your design? Who loses? Who is excluded? And perhaps most importantly, how could your design be misused? (For more of these questions, Alan Cooper provided a great list in his keynote at Interaction 18.)The back-and-forth Q&A of the Dark Reality session will help us consider and identify our concept’s weaknesses and potential consequences. As it is a team effort, it will spark discussion and uncover differences in team members’ ethical values. Moreover, the session will result in a list of questions and assumptions that can be tested with potential users and subject matter experts. In the project for the airline control center, it resulted in more consideration for the human role in automatization and how digital interfaces can continue to support human capabilities (instead of replacing them), and reflection on the role of airports in future society.The dark reality session is best conducted during the convergent parts of the double diamond, as these are the design phases in which we narrow down to realistic ideas. It’s vital to have a questioner from outside the team with strong interviewing skills and who doesn’t easily accept an answer as sufficient. There are helpful tools available to help structure the session, such as the Tarot Cards of Tech and these ethical tools.

Take a step back to go forward

As designers, we’re optimists by nature. We see the world as a set of problems that we can solve systematically and creatively if only we try hard enough. We intend well. However, merely having the intention to do good is not going to be enough. Our mindset comes with the pitfall of (dis)missing potential disastrous consequences, especially under pressure of daily constraints. That’s why we need to regularly, systematically take a step back and consider the future impact of our work. My hope is that the practical, structural mindset to ethics introduced in this article will help us agree on a higher standard for design.

[oliverphisher]

Graeme Simsion

Graeme C. Simsion is an Australian author, screenwriter, playwright and data modeller. Prior to becoming an author, Simsion was an information systems consultant, co-authoring the book Data Modelling Essentials, and worked in wine distribution.

Graeme Simsion is the internationally bestselling author of The Rosie Project, The Rosie Effect and The Best of Adam Sharp. He also co-authored Two Steps Forward with Anne Buist.

What are one to three books that have greatly influenced your life? 

I’ve long forgotten the name and author of a book about career planning I read more than forty years ago when I was at university. The author spent all but one chapter describing in painstaking detail how to build and execute a career plan, and how to stay on track in the face of setbacks and changes. The last chapter was written by someone else: an alternative approach, based on opportunism. ‘Winging it,’ he called It and it was the first time I’d heard the expression: have broad goals, but be prepared to change the plan as opportunities arise; be willing to take on something for which you’re unprepared and learn as you go; invest in new skills as they’re needed. It was a revelation—and the philosophy has defined my professional life.

I was running a thriving consultancy business when I read film critic Joe Queenan’s The Unkindest Cut, his often hilarious account of his attempt to make an ultra low budget movie. I was hooked, and followed in his footsteps, dragging my partner and friends with me, undeterred by my utter lack of experience in any facet of filmmaking. The movie was forgettable (and best forgotten) but the screenwriting seed was planted. Within a year I had sold my business, and went on to enrol in a screenwriting course while I supported myself with freelance consulting work. That was the beginning of my transition from consultant and business owner to full-time writer.

What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last six months (or in recent memory)?

The answer’s always going to be a book; I’ll try to look beyond that. So…a backup battery for my phone. I’ve hardly ever used it, but it’s eliminated low-battery anxiety.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? 

I spent five years studying screenwriting and—throughout that time—working on a screenplay for a romantic comedy. It won a prize but the step to production for an unknown screenwriter with an original script was just not going to happen. I should have realised that from the start: most mainstream movies are adaptations of novels—generally bestselling novels. The studios let the publishers and public sort out the winners before they invest.

So I re-wrote The Rosie Project screenplay as a novel. At first it was a means to get the screenplay noticed, but I quickly became immersed in the novel as a work in itself (which was surely necessary if it was going to be successful). And now I’m a novelist first and only an occasional screenwriter.

Are there any quotes you think of often or live your life by?

Pay it forward. It’s the social contract, a basic principle to live by. In the context of writing, I’ve had a great deal of luck, and I do what I can to help others who are trying to break in. So teaching, talks, mentorship, endorsement, contributing to blogs... I encourage those who might benefit from such help to do the same for others in turn. I have a book on novel writing underway—I doubt it’ll make me money, but hope it’ll be helpful to at least some aspiring authors.

You never understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. – Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. In other words, practise empathy. I taught consulting skills for many years, and if consultants could do this with their clients, most of their problems would disappear. In writing, you need to be able to do it for all of your characters—if you can’t answer the character’s question ‘What’s my motivation?’ with something deeper than a stereotype (‘he’s just a boss’) or a label (‘she’s a histrionic’) he or she has no substance. That said, when I’m writing, I don’t explicitly think about my readers!

What is one of the best investment in a writing resource you’ve ever made? 

I bought my first computer in 1984, and since then I’ve always typed; I can barely hand-write. You write differently when you use a word processor—and, unlike some of my generation, I’m well used to it. And I learned to touch-type—an undervalued skill.

Right now, I’m beginning a 10-day hike, and my i-Pad (with keyboard) will repay the weight it adds to my backpack: writing tool, research tool, communication tool (plus all the non-writing-related functions). For writers seeking the lightest computing solution, at present what I’m using seems to be it. 

What is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love?

I still buy CDs and have a pretty big collection of them. I’ve got a bit of vinyl too, and that’s probably even more absurd but more fashionable. Plus the high-end turntable. I suspect it’s about being able to afford things that I couldn’t when I was younger. Our kids find my consumerism pretty distasteful, but they’re reacting against growing up with it, whereas I grew up having to save for that 7-inch single of Hey Jude…

In the last five years, what new belief, behaviour, or habit has most improved your life? 

A year ago, my partner bought me an Apple Watch (I’m sounding like a shill for Apple here, with the iPad and all). I set the ‘move’ goal (calories / kilojoules burned each day) to the highest setting and aim to hit it every day. I feel better; I’ve lost weight; I’ve been motivated to get back to the gym. I’m sure it won’t work for everyone, but so far it’s worked for me.

What advice would you give to a smart, driven aspiring author? What advice should they ignore? 

Get published. As you’re starting out, write a few short stories. Get them into competitions, submit for magazines, anthologies, whatever. Agents will be less quick to dismiss you if someone has rated your work. And it’ll improve your writing. That final look at the manuscript before it goes in the envelope frequently prompts another improvement.

Join a class and / or writing group. I’m a supporter of creative writing classes: there’s a body of knowledge relevant to writing and you should know it. Why should writing be different from every other trade or profession in this regard? Plus, you need feedback—and to get used to dealing with it. Critiquing others’ writing will improve your understanding of what works and what doesn’t.  And the group or class will help you keep to deadlines and connect with the industry.

Plan. OK, some writers write by the seat of their pants, but if it’s not working for you, plan. If it is working for you, meaning that you’re finishing novels, not just getting a great 30,000 words down, keep doing what you’re doing. Otherwise, do what just about every other profession does and introduce an element of top-down development i.e. plan.

Draft like it doesn’t matter. Don’t get it right, get it done. If you’ve a plan to follow, it’ll make sense, it just may not be pretty. But you’ll have a massive sense of progress and of satisfaction in getting it done.  You can then come back and apply your creativity to the sentence level. 

Rewrite. You should know that, but in the euphoria that accompanies the completion of a first draft, it’s easy to forget and to start sharing your work of genius. Don’t. Let it sit. Rewrite. Repeat until satisfied. I always go over what I’ve written the previous day before starting on the fresh work of the day. I can always improve it.

The best way for most of us to deal with rejection is to have more irons in the fire—another publisher to send to; another short story in competition; the new novel we’re working on.

Ignore, or take with a big grain of salt, advice on writing from anyone who isn’t a successful writer (defining ‘successful’ in the way that you yourself define success).

What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession often? 

Write every day. I don’t. But I work on my novel or other work-in-progress almost every day. That work may be writing, but it could be research, planning, editing, thinking about the opening sentence, solving a plot problem, reflecting on the writing process.  And yes, promotion. If you’re down to participate in a public debate in the evening, don’t expect to get a lot of writing done during the day. If you want to write every day, do it, but it’s not for everyone.

Build your presence on social media (see below). I mean, sure, if you want to, but it’s got nothing to do with being a good or successful writer.

Read this book – or movie or TV series that’s in the same space as what you’re writing. You’ll be intimidated (you’re comparing a final product with a first draft), feel you’re not original and become paranoid about stealing ideas. I’ve never watched The Big Bang Theory – any overlap between Sheldon Cooper and Don Tillman is entirely coincidental.

In the last five years, what have you become better at saying no to (distractions, invitations, etc.)?

I’ve become slightly better at saying no to requests for endorsements. I’ve had to. I feel a responsibility to read new books (especially by debut authors) but it’s easy to become overwhelmed. If I don’t write myself, a blurb from me won’t have much cred anyway! 

What marketing tactics should authors avoid?

‘Buy my book’ messages on social media. In fact, with a few exceptions, using social media as a marketing tool at all. I’m an old data guy, and I’m here to tell you that Twitter doesn’t sell books. Your time will be much better spent writing a better book. In fact most ‘marketing’ effort on the part of authors would be better devoted to writing. Even book tours (especially in the US which is massively over-serviced by touring authors) generally have little impact.

Broadcast media is a different thing. If you get a chance to be on radio or TV, drop the computer and grab the microphone with both hands.

I know I’m out on a limb here, but I challenge any marketing people reading this to show me figures to disprove it.

What new realizations and/or approaches have helped you achieve your goals? 

It’s human, and often helpful, to be unsatisfied, to want to stretch further. We dream of being published, but when it happens we want to be a bestseller. Then we’re not happy until we’re number one on the NYT bestseller list. And then, what about the Pulitzer? Yes, this sort of thinking will drive us onwards, but it can also drive us nuts. When I was offered a publishing contract, I reminded myself that I had achieved my goal. Anything more was gravy. There’s been a lot of gravy, and as The Rosie Project sat at no. 2 on the NYT bestseller list, I was dreaming of that ‘No 1 NYT bestseller’ blaze on the cover. It didn’t happen (The Goldfinch kept me out) and I was disappointed, but only for about ten minutes. How lucky was I? So I’ve learned to enjoy the roller coaster ride (notably with movie adaptations) and not to pin too much on external achievements.

And, perhaps paradoxically, being sanguine about success has helped me achieve it; by not dwelling on failures, but moving forward with what I want to do.

When you feel overwhelmed or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do? 

I don’t often feel overwhelmed. I spent a long time running a business, and you learn how to deal with overload: in my case, make a list and (in order) dump; delegate; defer; do.

And focus…hold on. I’m probably one of the more goal-driven, businesslike, organised writers around, but I’m hesitant to apply the rather American motivational model to what I do—and especially to recommend it to others. I lose my focus, I do something else. That’s a little glib, but I’m not driven by writing goals; I’m driven by a desire to write. There’s a huge difference.

That said, and being practical, I frequently find I have to force myself to sit down to the day’s writing (editing and planning are not so hard for me) but I’m soon into it. It gets easier the more you do it and have the feedback of it working. And ‘do something else’ can mean research or that blog that someone’s asked you to contribute to. It’s not an excuse for going to the pub.

Any other tips?

My most important advice to aspiring writers is that it’s a profession. Approach it as you would any other profession in terms of the amount of learning you’ll need to do and how long it will take to become expert. If you’ve worked in another profession, there’s your benchmark; if not, look to that friend who wants to be a neurosurgeon. There are more jobs for neurosurgeons than novelists. But if you have a modicum of ability and put in that level of work, you have a very good chance of success.

________

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[spamzineglasgow]

The Reach of a Root: An Interview with Laura Tansley and Micaela Maftei

Cover illustration: Naghmeh Sharifi ~ Author photo by Stewart Ennis (@StewartEnnis)

“Life isn’t threads, it’s actions. Deeds. Childhood is when you get everything wrong and nothing makes sense.” She shuddered theatrically. “Can you imagine if that extended into…today?”

(‘The Reach of a Root’)

> The Reach of the Root is a collection of short stories with a transatlantic twist. Co-written by Canada-based Micaela Maftei and UK-based Laura Tansley, the collection features an entirely interwoven voice, whose stories tell of everyday life, secrets, sexuality, gender, work, place and displacement. Many of the stories focus on characters at the point of change, rupture or transition, women at various stages of their lives. Drama is provided from scenes of flat-sharing, dinner dates, office politics and daily commutes. Maftei and Tansley flirt with the dark and gothic, Joyce Carol Oates style, while maintaining a satisfying crispness and existential friction that puts you in mind of Lorrie Moore or Lydia Davis. Still, there’s a Scottish humour in there that feels generous and warm, if often delivered through wry or slightly absurd situations – a little Alan Warner even, although unlike with much of Warner’s fiction, it might be tricky to call any of Maftei and Tansley’s characters heroines. But even as their protagonists are often held at an ironic distance, the wit of the prose makes every situation seem recognisable, relatable, even as the narrative then dashes your expectations.

> Craftily, the authorial power duo handle objects, arguments, moments of being, sex and a general contrariness. Title story ‘The Reach of a Root’ begins: ‘Clare got caught looking at her cunt’. The book depicts desire and dislocation with the cool directness and menace of Mary Gaitskill updated for the age of Facebook, ‘wellness’ and Fjällräven backpacks. Many of the stories bear a surreal quality, held in the turn of a sentence. You think you know where things are going, this seems a familiar scenario…but then the twist. Somehow, even the weirdest parts are delivered with a smarting matter-of-factness: ‘Christy often found herself thinking, What would Caroline do? She’d throw pieces of popcorn chicken at boys she liked the look of’ (‘The Woods from the Trees’). Whole stages of life are condensed in a sentence, with the ease of your wittiest aunt telling tales of divorce down the pub: ‘She also left behind Tim, the latest example of why independence trumped headaches and someone else’s post filling the hallway and dark curling hairs left in the drying bottom of the bathtub’ (‘The Reach of a Root’). In many ways, most of these stories are about characters on the edge. Sometimes we fear for their lives, other times we laugh at them or question their poor judgment. Sometimes the characters are on the edge because they’re the dangerous ones, as in ‘What Lies Ahead’, where the narrator torments unsuspecting coffee shop customers with incongruous questions of identity.

> What the collection captures is the strangeness of contemporary life through these mundane situations, staged askew. It feels like everybody is plotting something – maybe there’s a dash of Muriel Spark in there. Maybe it’s something in the capacity of collaboration that allows for this containment of surprise or distortion with economy. Sharp and addictive, these stories are earthy, rich and tactile to the highest detail: ‘From then it was wild mushrooms, vibrant broccoli, a fat heirloom tomato that lasted two days, and then eventually on to a final graduation of avocado, goat’s cheese and fresh blueberries that she burst against her palate with a slender finger that she then drew out of her mouth, sucking the purple skins from between her teeth’ (‘Blind Spots’). For all this talk of the New Weird in fiction, what The Reach of a Root is doing, perhaps, is a twisted realism where the clarities of familiar mise en scene are knotted, crooked and contorted with the existential intensities that grow out of contemporary confusions around identity, cohabitation and hospitality, intimacy, precarious labour, leisure and general urban living. Twisted realism is a distorted sociology of the present moment that nonetheless carries us through timeless dramas of human relations; its woven voices reach towards that space, a something else, a desire in excess of what we see.

> After attending a workshop Maftei and Tansley hosted at the University of Glasgow on the topic of Collaborative Short Fiction, Maria Sledmere interviewed the pair over email to find out more about their writing process, friendship and the book itself.

~

I believe you both met on the Creative Writing PhD at the University of Glasgow. What got you starting to write together?

We were doing everything else but! Shortly after we met we realised our lives and interests overlapped tremendously – in terms of work, research, friends, writing, everything. Writing fiction together was the last in a long list of co-‘s – we organised a conference, led postgraduate skills workshops, worked together in Glasgow-area secondary schools, became flatmates… we figured if everything else was working out, why not try this too. Initially we responded to a call for submissions for a short story collection, Tip Tap Flat, and because that process was fun and was accepted into the anthology, we kept writing.  

How did the idea for the book come about?

We pretty much just had enough stories to start thinking ‘we can definitely get enough for a collection’. That and our conviction that the work needed and could find an audience. It began to feel like readers would benefit from having a longer engagement with the work, and how the stories were informing each other by building themes.

Did you take inspiration from any previous examples of co-writing?

Not really. If anything, we took inspiration from the lack of co-written stories we saw around us. In other fields, working together is necessary/the norm, but we didn’t see anyone else co-writing short fiction.

In the co-writing fiction workshop you hosted at the University of Glasgow back in June, you spoke of how many publishers you initially approached were suspicious of your process. Although interdisciplinarity and collaborative practice are becoming more popular across the arts, often there’s still this material or institutional resistance to having your work recognised and supported. Why do you think this is?

Maybe a few reasons, or a mix of a few. I think there’s still a sense of fiction writing as the product of a unique, inner voice. We hear a lot about ‘writing what you know’ or your advantage as a writer being your own unique worldview. Which isn’t wrong, but does underscore this idea that good and/or true and/or authentic writing can only come through one person’s life or voice. I think in writing programs, which we were both part of and trained in, there’s encouragement to find that voice, to control it, access it, etc.

MM aside: I also frankly think that a lot of people don’t want to co-write. For a lot of people writing is deeply personal, and that’s one of the things that’s important about it. I have a lot of interests that I like to pursue by myself and wouldn’t want to do in a pair. I think for many people writing is something they don’t want to share. Which I completely get.

LT aside: Perhaps our experience with specific publishers was also framed by their particular need to invest in projects that are commercially viable. We’re maybe a little risky. Luckily for us we found a publisher who thought that could be exciting.

How did you manage the writing process in practical terms, given your busy lives and geographic distance?

We use email, sending the work back and forth as an attachment. We don’t have any schedule or timeframe in place when we write; I think doing so would really be detrimental to the process, in fact. We don’t push it – we’ve had stories that were more or less done within a week, and stories that have taken months. But the process is so energising that we often really want to get to it and work on it and send it back for more.

Did anything happen that surprised you? Were there any significant comprises made?

No. Together we made a choice to drop one of the stories from the collection because we thought the collection as a whole would be stronger without a story that explored a similar experience to “The Reach of a Root”. We love the story though, and it was recently published by Mechanics Institute Review.

MM aside: I wonder if the fact that we both write other material has helped offer another space in which we don’t have to feel any sense of compromise. If I have some idea, or bit of characterization or whatever, that I feel absolutely hasto exist in writing, I can just go ahead and make it come to life exactly on my terms in another piece of writing.

So far as surprises go – it wasn’t much of a surprise, but I’m always grateful to get a hit of ‘being seen’; I find often between Laura and I there’s a really deep level of understanding. We are quite different people, I’d say, and we move in the world differently and seem to want and need quite different things, but in some way, in some particular slice of life, we’ve just had so many interactions or conversations or exchanges where I feel like she absolutely knows what I mean, what I’m after, what I’m saying – I just feel convinced of it.

LT aside: I genuinely can’t think of a reason or a situation in which a compromise would be needed; that’s been my experience of co-writing with Micaela. Would a compromise have to occur because of a singular vision? Or an idea that one person is convinced of and the other isn’t? If so, that experience or practice just hasn’t been part of our process. I wonder if that’s because we have always been interested in the co- part of the writing. When I begin a project I don’t think, ‘this is an idea I want to explore’; I think, ‘this is an idea Micaela and I could explore’. That mindset is imperative. It also helps that by some piece of fantastic fortune, combined with our own work and development as people, we have a deep understanding of each other. It’s sickening really.

So much of the collection is about the movement between private and public, the space of conversation and inner monologue, motivation versus social performance. How does collaborative writing challenge your sense of ‘privacy’ as writers?

Great question. The privacy of early drafts and experiments had to go straight away, but we do write separately and always have done – even when we lived in the same city. So we do retain a sense of privacy in that the act of writing doesn’t happen in front of each other.

LT aside: I’m not sure that I would describe that process as something ring-fenced, personal, or something I feel a right to, however. But I think it’s a really interesting idea to consider writing as an act, and I wonder how I perform it differently as a co-writer, especially when everything we write is a gift intended for the other. I suppose I need to be observed but then we’d be getting in to Physics…

MM aside: We’re like married people where one’s brushing their teeth while the other has a pee. There’s no privacy and I don’t really miss it. But again – I think this is tempered by the fact that I have my own writing where I can go away and be secretive and tentative and private if I want or need to.  

Is fiction especially poised to explore the relationship between public and private? Why?

Not sure we understand fully….the relationship, within one person, between their public and private self? Or the more general concept of that which is public and that which is private, and how we might understand both? We don’t think that fiction is especially poised to explore such a relationship.

MM aside: I do think that fiction is working at its best when a ‘made-up story’ manages to access profound truths about selfhood or the human condition – the great messes we make, as bumbling humans, trying to move around each other and in this world, continually fucking up. When it gets it right, and has something to say about that, I think readers can get a deep, inner, ‘private’ sense of understanding.

You both co-edited the anthology Writing Creative Non-fiction: Determining the Form (2015). In the book’s introduction you write, ‘Unclear boundaries between fact and fiction can be freeing, allowing authors to tell stories using the structures, techniques and language of fiction, poetry and non-fiction, creating unique and personal testimony. In this way creative non-fiction can become a highly individual truth’. How do you experience writing fiction versus creative non-fiction, if we are to cautiously permit that binary of forms? Is there something particular about one’s ‘individual truth’ that is paradoxically revealed through co-writing?

Our process – an email exchange, a back and forth – has been the same for all the writing we have done together so far, although our intention is what drives us in different directions and produces those different forms.

As for an individual truth, we don’t think so, although that’s an interesting idea. For these stories, we’re committed to serving the story, and letting the story guide us. Which is such a fuzzy and ambiguous way to describe writing, but there you have it. For example, one of us might change something about a plot, or a character, which moves the story in a direction that the other may not have anticipated. And if that’s the right thing to do, and if that takes the story to the right place, then that’s where we go. If we were using this writing to give voice to our individual truth, then that would be a fundamental conflict of interest. We wouldn’t be able to permit that. Without the openness to let the other change tack suddenly and build something that is truthful for both of us I think the co- experience would be compromised (this links back to your question on compromising, above).

Would you say collaboration is a particularly feminist act? I’m thinking of how Sara Ahmed describes citation practices as a ‘rather successful reproductive technology, a way of reproducing the world around certain bodies’. Although The Reach of a Rootis clearly fiction, not academic writing, I wonder if there is something ‘citational’ about the way your collaboration works, the way you take each other’s voices and make a thicker weave around gendered scenes.

MM aside: I’m not sure I understand – a thicker weave, i.e. using two (women’s) voices to produce gendered scenes (i.e. scenes about women and women’s lives?) such that the two voices amplify each other?

LT aside: I’m curious about the idea of citationality (is it possible to make this a noun?). There’s something apt about describing co-writing as citational if it foregrounds the conversation that occurs. But it also might suggest a reference to something previous, something created separately and then brought in to the conversation, which would seek to diminish the concurrent way we co-write – always with the project in mind, with each other in mind, always simultaneous in the sense that although we might write alone, we are both always present.

You said something about your process in the workshop which really struck me: ‘Every sentence is an offer’. I was thinking about the word ‘offer’ and then ‘tend’, as in tender: an offering, a caring or compassion, a proposition but also a kind of bid, an estimate, a submission. There’s this thing Hélène Cixous says in Stigmata where she’s like, ‘Extend the hand, write, and it’s all over with the end. Writing is the movement to return to where we haven’t been “in person” but only in wounded flesh, in frightened animal, movement to go farther than far, and also, effort to go too far, to where I’m afraid to go’. I love thinking about that quote in the context of the title, The Reach of a Root and the idea that co-writing is inherently a deictic gesture that reaches between text and world, invites the reader as writer, the writer as reader. In what ways do you think fiction can reach towards this ‘movement to go farther than far’, and is fear the affect you experience when attaining a writerly intimacy with this vulnerable beyond?

MM aside: I’m going to approach this sideways, because frankly there’s a lot here, and touch on the idea of fear. I think it’s an important one, and I think very often writing can serve as a way to go to scary places. Writing itself can be scary, and/or a way to remember/explore/understand frightening things, either things that have actually happened to you, or things you are frightened of happening, or both. For me, writing with Laura always carries with it the sense that someone’s there. I don’t feel that these stories are in any way triggering for me, nor do I feel our writing is getting close to any areas where I’m scared to go, but I do feel comforted by the fact that someone else is there. I suppose again this somewhat returns to the privacy question – whatever privacy I may have given up (which is negligible, in my view) is amply compensated for by the good feeling that someone else is there, that whatever the writing needs to figure out will be done together, that wherever it leads, I won’t be alone. And again, I’m stressing that never in these stories have I come close to feeling like I’m anxious or scared about the process or the topics.

LT: There was certainly a sense of trepidation and exposure when we first co-wrote fiction together. First words, first drafts occupy vulnerable spaces I guess. I responded to that with typical self-deprecation, and a lot of our email exchanges at this time offer the other a caveat of recusal, ‘if you think this is shit please delete’ etc. I was conscious that I respected Micaela and her writing a great deal, and I wanted to meet her in that place. I was never fearful or scared, but we did care for each other in these early moments by being sensitive, and in my case, diminishing, in case what I offered Micaela wasn’t worthy of her time.

I love this line from ‘Wednesdays’: ‘Once when Monica was checking Facebook, which she always does at the end of the day, she said, “Oh jeez, look, Urban Outfitters are selling Walkmans”’. There’s this whole irony about the commodification of nostalgia, but also the fact of putting words like ‘Facebook’ within narrative prose. Does it instantly become static, a relic of ‘era’ or a code-word that activates from wherever the reader exists in time?

It’s doing some work to fix the stories in a time and a place but allows it to travel too, to meet the reader wherever they’re at. Readers will respond to those ‘era-specific’ words based on where they are, and that time and place will carry different connotations as time passes, as they move deeper and deeper into the past. That’s fine. That’s normal.

I’m interested in what we mean when we call a work ‘contemporary’. How do you see the interface between material detail in fiction and this thing called ‘the present’? The Reach of a Root feels relatable now, but somehow I reckon it’s immune to the kinds of instant-datedness found in a lot of contemporary fiction which references brands, social media and so on. Consumption, in its various forms, is a big theme of the book. Was the decision to include product names and other concrete details deliberate/critical, or was it more about establishing ‘local colour’ as such?

Ultimately it’s about being true to how the characters see the world and what’s important to them. There’s also a lot of fixedness that deliberately isn’t included – many stories lack a clearly stated setting, for example. We’re excited when writers manage to get a location or an image in my mind without explicitly stating it.

Your publisher is Glasgow-based ‘Vagabond Voices’, who describe themselves as ‘both Scottish and fervently European in [their] aims’. A lot of your characters, while seemingly tied to specific situations, are yearning for something else or somehow cast adrift – ‘vagabond voices’ might be a nice way to describe the way your own voices ‘float’ into another space within the movement of collaborative fiction. How important is this openness, this traversal of borders or spaces, to your practice and creative outlook? What was your experience of working with Vagabond Voices?

This traversal of borders and spaces is key. And as you say, it’s maybe balanced by the way a lot of the people in the stories are ‘locked in’ to certain situations or problems or places. Writing has been a way to cross time and space, to hold on to some things longer than might otherwise have been possible, to propel ourselves into new spaces. Writing is time travel, is space travel.

MM aside: It’s so, so important to me to feel that my writing can help me go places, and take me to new places, and for this project specifically, writing has been nothing less than the thing that has tied us together (but not the only thing).

LT: The funding our practice receives has allowed us to travel, to spend time together, so it has been worth the investment both professionally and personally.

You hosted several workshops on co-writing fiction around the book’s launch in June. Did you find audiences were enthusiastic or curious about collaborative practice or was there some resistance? How are you finding the book’s reception more generally?

The people that signed up were already curious, thankfully. It takes a very specific kind of person to sign up to a co-writing workshop to critique and resist co-writing; those people have been few and far between in our experience. Participants were interested in the practicalities of the process more than expected. We love to engage with the more theoretical, shall we say, parts of it – who do you become when you blend your voice with someone else’s??, stuff like that. In the workshops we felt people were really curious whether we used email or Google docs. No resistance, though – that would have been very depressing.

Anyone exciting you’ve been reading, viewing or listening to lately?

We’ve read and talked a lot about the article “Mother Writer Monster Maid”. We also just read “The Crane Wife” in The Paris Reviewand marvelled at how sometimes good writing just feels like it fell out of someone’s pocket, so easy and deceptively simple. Actually, we talked about that loads with an excerpt from Normal Peoplethat was in Granta, trying to figure out how Sally Rooney did it, before she totally exploded. (Though I suppose she does it the same way now.)

MM aside: I read Rachel Cusk’s memoirs recently. Aftermath felt more brutal than A Life’s Work (which in fact didn’t feel brutal at all),and I think I was expecting the reverse. I’ve been listening to a selection of old Rihanna songs while answering these questions, toggling back and forth between videos. What a fucking goddess. I’ve got Three Women on hold at the library.

LT aside: I’m reading A God in Ruinsby Kate Atkinson and it’s unlike anything I’ve read before. The way it moves between characters and in time, it’s really fun and compelling. I’m watching Documentary Now! which manages to achieve parody without being smug. It’s just really funny. Right now I’m listening to Steve Lacy. I like the Prince vibe and all the sex.

Anything more you’d like to say about The Reach of a Root or what you’re working on now?

We’re cracking the Canadian market with ROAR of course. And slowly building towards another co-project which we really ought to just dive into, but it’s going to be quite different again for us so we have no idea how it will turn out.

MM aside: I’m trying to get a new project. I want to start a new personal novel project. There, I said it. Now I have to do it. I’m at the stage where bits are coming to me, snippets of dialogue or description or setting. I just need to wait until I’ve got enough of them that a frame starts to emerge.

LT aside: I’m always trying to write funny, sexy, odd poems. 1 in 10 of them achieve this maybe. I’ve written a couple of scripts I like; I hope they reach an audience one day.

~

The Reach of a Root is out in September 2019 via Vagabond Voices. You can order your copy here.

Published 23/8/19

#The Reach of a Root #Laura Tansley #Michaela Maftei #fiction #co-writing #interview #literary #literary interview #Vagabond Voices #Glasgow #features #Stewart Ennis

[wineanddinosaur]

Uproxx, Brewbound, and the Internet Gaze on Women in Beer

In July 2019, pop culture website Uproxx published a list touting the best beer influencers on Instagram. The 12 individuals included bloggers, brewers, and photographers, and 10 of them happened to be women.

In a now-infamous episode of the Brewbound Podcast, former editor Chris Furnari derided these women. In a transcript of the episode, Furnari names the first two Instagrammers, who are male; then, he says, the list “goes to s*** and it’s all chicks who basically take photos of themselves in like low-cut tops with beer.” He refers to the women as “girls in tight clothing and bathing suits,” and their beer-focused Instagrams as “ones where we’re just looking at chicks.” This portion of the podcast has since been deleted.

Following the incident, Furnari made multiple public apologies, writing, “I unfairly stereotyped and made generalizations about a group of individuals who have clearly earned the right to be recognized.” He continues, “The comments I made were out of line and demonstrated a complete lapse in judgment.” His words proved to be insufficient, however. On July 25, 2019, Forbes.com announced Furnari left his position at Brewbound, an award-winning beer news website where he served as editor for more than eight years. It is unclear whether he resigned or was terminated.

For the record, the women Furnari referred to are Bella (@onehoppylady), a food and beverage photographer who did not share her surname at press time; Caitlin Johnson (@bigwrldsmallgrl), blogger and content manager; Heather Lewis (@beerbitty), blogger and former operations projects director at Brooklyn Brewery; and Megan Stone (@isbeeracarb), brewer at DuClaw Brewing Co. Some of their photos indeed include plunging necklines and bikinis, but there is diversity among their profiles. Stone (@isbeeracarb), for example, shares her beer-focused travel adventures and collaborations with other brewers; and Lewis (@beerbitty) posts about life experiences through the glass of memorable beers.

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So I had the pleasure of interviewing THE Sam Calagione of @dogfishhead at work recently!! I tried very hard not to fan girl over the legend I’ve been reading about for at least a decade, but I think a ton of my co-workers fan girl/fan boyed quite a bit when he came into the office. And I couldn’t resist getting a selfie 😅💁🏻‍♀️ What a fun guy! Super grateful that he made time in his schedule for this interview during his trip to NYC! We’re so proud to be distributing Dogfish Head at @unionbeerdist 🍻🍻 Head over to the @unionbeerdist IG and click on their link in bio to read the full interview!! And give them a follow too! ☺️🍻🤩

A post shared by Bella (@onehoppylady) on Feb 4, 2019 at 5:04pm PST

Furnari’s comments sparked fast and furious responses from men and women in the industry, many of whom are avid readers of Brewbound, fans of the slandered Instagrammers, or both. His departure caused even more controversy.

“Calling BS on this,” New Belgium spokesperson Jesse Claeys tweeted on July 25, 2019. “Furnari has always been a pro and a strong advocate for craft beer. Taking female beer/boob Instagram ‘influencers’ to task for essentially returning to misogynistic 70s era beer marketing is not a fireable offense.” (Update 8/12/19: New Belgium’s PR department requested VinePair clarify Claeys made this comment personally, not in his capacity as a spokesperson for the brand. His Twitter account has since been deleted.)

Beer writer and broadcast journalist Tara Nurin noted how easy it is to say something “stupid” on air in a Forbes.com piece, writing, “I feel the hosts were actually speaking up for women by chastising those whose personal branding suggests that their chests are more important than their faces and that their bodies speak louder than their minds… We still have a double standard but now it’s women who are commercializing themselves and trying to silence the men who give their opinions about it.”

Others argue these women deserve the same reverence and respect as Furnari or any beer professional. “I’m tired of women having to prove themselves as beer drinkers,” Melis, a.k.a. @thegirlwithbeer, who was also included in the list and prefers not to share her surname for safety reasons, wrote on her feed. Melis is a communications manager for a craft brewery in San Diego. “I work full time for an independent craft brewery, support the Brewers Guild and Pink Boots Society. […] You want beer culture to be more diverse and inclusive? Stop sh*tting on the people who bring diversity to it. Do better.”

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I have three significant things happening soon. The first one is that Melis @thegirlwithbeer and I are going to PANAMA next week!! I was invited to collab with @fulaicaza at @boquetebrewingcompany, and asked Melis to come along. Ale has a whole itinerary packed full of exciting things that we can’t wait to share with y’all. If you happen to live in Panama City, we will be doing a little meet and greet event. Check my stories for info. TAG your friends in Panama, we’d love to meet them!! And stay tuned for the next drop of news. 🇵🇦 ✈️ . . 🍻🍹: @southernbeergirl, myself, and @thegirlwithbeer drinking some @brooklynbrewery Bel Air sour and beer cocktails at @thepearlhotel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #craftbeeronly #craftbeerlove #craftbeerbabe #craftbeergirl #brooklynbrewery #brooklynbeer #sourbeer #unicornhair #rainbowhair #craftbeercommunity #panamacitybeach #panamabeer #visitpanama #beerblogger #travelblogger #gypsybrewer #ladybrewer #girlswithbeer #dippindaisysswimwear #beerus #boquete #boquetepanama #sandiegogram #visitsandiego

A post shared by megan ✻ beer ✻ travel ✻ style (@isbeeracarb) on May 30, 2019 at 2:39pm PDT

Bella, a.k.a. One Hoppy Lady, also defended her right to control her own image in an Instagram post following the podcast, writing: “Does my fitted shirt discredit the 9 years I’ve spent in the beer industry? Does @isbeeracarb’s bikini erase all her brewing knowledge? Is @la_petite_biere too sexy to enjoy beer? […] I’m disappointed in Brewbound for publishing this harmful speech against women.”

(Ironically, or perhaps not at all, the Brewound Podcast topic was “diversity and inclusion.” It later featured an interview with D.C. brewery owner Julie Verratti, former chair and current member of the Brewers Association Diversity Committee.)

Womanhood, like beer, is political. What women say, wear, and do with our bodies in public is regularly politicized and policed. When the collective expertise of a group of young women is called into question because of the ways they present their bodies online, it opens our eyes to the ways conservatism and unsolicited criticism are unfortunately still present in the beer industry — and the world at large.

Interestingly, this is not the first time a listicle of influencers sparked controversy within the beer community. In 2017, “30 Female Beer Lovers You Must Follow On Instagram,” published by Men’s Health, also ruffled feathers. Some responses, from women as well as men, were strikingly similar to Furnari’s recent remarks.

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Quality is so important to me when I make beer, I make sure all of my ingredients are fresh and healthy before using them. I taste the wort and beer in every stage to make sure things are progressing as they should be. I’m so concerned about quality, which is why since I’ve started at @jaggedmountaincb we have been using the lab company @fermlyknow ! They have the specialized equipment that most breweries can not afford or have space for. They are able to test a wide range of things from ABV to calories. If you are worried about a contamination they can test for other unwanted yeasts/bacteria. I was able to visit their lab the other day and pretend like I was helping 😝 in all reality it was super cool to see how they go through the samples that us breweries send them. I was most fascinated by the way they test for calories! If you want to have a more in depth view be sure to check my stories. Fermly is a great option for breweries concerned about their beer quality, or just getting a more in depth view at your beer. Both of the owners have been in the beer industry, and give you a personal touch with direct communication. This is why if you mention me, southernbeergirl, you can get 10% off your first order with them! Check out the link in my bio to see all the services they offer 🔥 THEY TEST INTERNATIONALLY TOO! Have you ever gotten your beer tested? What are some things that surprised you the most?

A post shared by Alyssa (@southernbeergirl) on Jul 29, 2019 at 8:35am PDT

“I just think that championing these so-called IG ‘beer chicks’ is not the best vehicle for [recognition]… IG has just become an endless T&A parade with nearly naked pics being posted to lure you to their paid sites,” Hopgoddess312 wrote in a BeerAdvocate forum discussing the article. She also referred to the list as “a bunch of pics from women’s IG accounts, a good chunk of which are just tit pics and nothing to do with beer.” (Ironically, or perhaps not at all, Hopgoddess312’s profile photo is also a close-up of her breasts and a beer.)

“I feel this type of attention sets us back and demeans the hard working women who are in the industry,” Afro Beer Chick wrote in an October 2017 blog post. “There is no need to be a ‘hey look at me’ type beer chick… Let’s keep the boobs and butts for the other Instagram thots.”

On the other hand, the Men’s Health list was published in its “Sex” section. This is a meaningful editorial decision that reinforces the idea that attractive women and beer experts are two different subjects that often overlap.

Two years later, we are still grappling with these nuances. When members of the beer community see women baring it all in their photos, and earning more “likes” and followers, it’s easy to critique them for marketing to the male gaze. Yet when a male figure enters the ring to publicly condemn these same women, many jump to the women’s defense. What’s the deal?

It’s all about agency and respect. All members of the beer community should be able to present themselves however they choose, so long as they’re not hurting anybody; it’s not up to us to dictate what’s best for anyone else.

Yes, many of the Instagrammers included in last month’s list have sexy public personas. They’re also equipped with brains and beer expertise. Assuming anything less does a disservice to us all.

The article Uproxx, Brewbound, and the Internet Gaze on Women in Beer appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/beer-boobs-misogyny/

[suzanneshannon]

Daily Ethical Design

Suddenly, I realized that the people next to me might be severely impacted by my work. I was having a quick lunch in the airport. A group of flight attendants sat down at the table next to me and started to prepare for their flight. For a while now, our design team had been working on futuristic concepts for the operations control center of these flight attendants’ airline, pushing ourselves to come up with innovative solutions enabled by the newest technologies. As the control center deals with all activities around flying planes, our concepts touched upon everything and everyone within the airline. How was I to know what the impact of my work would be on the lives of these flight attendants? And what about the lives of all the other people working at the airline? Ideally, we would have talked to all the types of employees in the company and tested our concepts with them. But, of course, there was no budget (or time) allocated to do so, not to mention we faced the hurdle of convincing (internal) stakeholders of the need. Not for the first time, I felt frustrated: practical, real-world constraints prevented me from assessing the impact and quality of my work. They prevented me from properly conducting ethical design.

What is ethical design?

Right, good question. A very comprehensive definition of ethical design can be found at Encyclopedia.com:

Design ethics concerns moral behavior and responsible choices in the practice of design. It guides how designers work with clients, colleagues, and the end users of products, how they conduct the design process, how they determine the features of products, and how they assess the ethical significance or moral worth of the products that result from the activity of designing.

In other words, ethical design is about the “goodness”—in terms of benefit to individuals, society, and the world—of how we collaborate, how we practice our work, and what we create. There’s never a black-and-white answer for whether design is good or bad, yet there are a number of areas for designers to focus on when considering ethics.

Usability

Nowadays usability has conquered a spot as a basic requirement for each interface; unusable products are considered design failures. And rightly so; we have a moral obligation as designers to create products that are intuitive, safe, and free from possibly life-threatening errors. We were all reminded of usability’s importance by last year’s accidental nuclear strike warning in Hawaii. What if, instead of a false-positive, the operator had broadcasted a false-negative?

Accessibility

Like usability, inclusive design has become a standard item in the requirement list of many designers and companies. (I will never forget that time someone tried to use our website with a screen reader—and got absolutely stuck at the cookie message.) Accessible design benefits all, as it attempts to cover as many needs and capabilities as possible. Yet for each design project, there are still a lot of tricky questions to answer. Who gets to benefit from our solutions? Who is (un)intentionally left out? Who falls outside the “target customer segment”?

Privacy

Another day, another Facebook privacy scandal. As we’re progressing into the Data Age, the topic of privacy has become almost synonymous with design ethics. There’s a reason why more and more people use DuckDuckGo as an alternative search engine to Google. Corporations have access to an abundance of personal information about consumers, and as designers we have the privilege—and responsibility—of using this information to shape products and services. We have to consider how much information is strictly necessary and how much people are willing to give up in exchange for services. And how can we make people aware of the potential risks without overloading them?

User involvement

Overlapping largely with privacy, this focus area is about how we deal with our users and what we do with the data that we collect from them. IDEO has recently published The Little Book of Design Research Ethics, which provides a comprehensive overview of the core principles and guidelines we should follow when conducting design research.

Persuasion

Ethics related to persuasion is about to what extent we may influence the behavior and thoughts of our users. It doesn’t take much to bring acceptable, “white hat” persuasion into gray or even dark territories. Conversion optimization, for example, can easily turn into “How do we squeeze out more revenue from our customers by turning their unconsciousness against them?” Prime examples include Netflix, which convinces us to watch, watch, and watch even more, and Booking.com, which barrages our senses with urgency and social pressure.

Focus

The current digital landscape is addictive, distracting, and competing for attention. Designing for focus is about responsibly handling people’s most valuable resource: time. Our challenge is to limit everything that disrupts our users’ attention, lower the addictiveness of products, and create calmness. The Center for Humane Technology has started a useful list of resources for this purpose.

Sustainability

What’s the impact of our work on the world’s environment, resources, and climate? Instead of continuously adding new features in the unrelenting scrum treadmill, how could we design for fewer? We’re in the position to create responsible digital solutions that enable sustainable consumer behavior and prevent overconsumption. For example, apps such as Optimiam and Too Good To Go allow people to order leftover food that would normally be thrashed. Or consider Mutum and Peerby, whose peer-to-peer platforms promote the sharing and reuse of owned products.

Society

The Ledger of Harms of the Center for Human Technology is a work-in-progress collection of the negative impacts that digital technology has on society, including topics such as relationships, mental health, and democracy. Designers who are mindful of society consider the impact of their work on the global economy, communities, politics, and health.

The focus areas of design ethics. That’s a lot to consider!

Ethics as an inconvenience

Ideally, in every design project, we should assess the potential impact in all of the above-mentioned areas and take steps to prevent harm. Yet there are many legitimate, understandable reasons why we often neglect to do so. It’s easy to have moral principles, yet in the real world, with the constraints that our daily life imposes upon us, it’s seldom easy to act according to those principles. We might simply say it’s inconvenient at the moment. That there’s a lack of time or budget to consider all the ethical implications of our work. That there are many more pressing concerns that have priority right now. We might genuinely believe it’s just a small issue, something to consider later, perhaps. Mostly, we are simply unaware of the possible consequences of our work. And then there’s the sheer complexity of it all: it’s simply too much to simultaneously focus on. When short on time, or in the heat of approaching deadlines and impatient stakeholders, how do you incorporate all of design ethics’ focus areas? Where do you even start?

Ethics as a structural practice

For these reasons, I believe we need to elevate design ethics to a more practical level. We need to find ways to make ethics not an afterthought, not something to be considered separately, but rather something that’s so ingrained in our process that not doing it means not doing design at all. The only way to overcome the “inconvenience” of acting ethically is to practice daily ethical design: ethics structurally integrated in our daily work, processes, and tools as designers. No longer will we have to rely on the exceptions among us; those extremely principled who are brave enough to stand up against the system no matter what kind of pressure is put upon them. Because the system will be on our side. By applying ethics daily and structurally in our design process, we’ll be able to identify and neutralize in a very early stage the potential for mistakes and misuse. We’ll increase the quality of our design and our practices simply because we’ll think things through more thoroughly, in a more conscious and structured manner. But perhaps most important is that we’ll establish a new standard for design. A standard that we can sell to our clients as the way design should be done, with ethical design processes and deliverables already included. A standard that can be taught to design students so that the newest generation of designers doesn’t know any better than to apply ethics, always.

The advantages of daily ethical design

How to practice daily ethical design?

At this point we’ve arrived at the question of how we can structurally integrate ethics into our design process. How do we make sure that our daily design decisions will result in a product that’s usable and accessible; protects people’s privacy, agency, and focus; and benefits both society and nature? I want to share with you some best practices that I’ve identified so far, and how I’ve tried to apply them during a recent project at Mirabeau. The goal of the project was to build a web application that provides a shaver manufacturer’s factory workers insight into the real-time availability of production materials.

Connect to your organization’s mission and values

By connecting our designs to the mission and values of the companies we work for, we can structurally use our design skills in a strategic manner, for moral purposes. We can challenge the company to truly live up to its promises and support it in carrying out its mission. This does, however, require you to be aware of the company’s values, and to compare these to your personal values. As I had worked with our example client before, I knew it was a company that takes care of its employees and has a strong focus on creating a better world. During the kick-off phase, we used a strategy pyramid to structure the client’s mission and values, and to agree upon success factors for the project. We translated the company’s customer-facing brand guidelines to employee-focused design principles that maintained the essence of the organization.

Keep track of your assumptions

Throughout our entire design process, we make assumptions for each decision that we take. By structurally keeping track of these assumptions, you’ll never forget about the limitations of your design and where the potential risks lie in terms of (harmful) impact on users, the project, the company, and society. In our example project, we listed our assumptions about user goals, content, and functionalities for each page of the application. If we were not fully sure about the value for end users, or the accuracy of a user goal, we marked it as a value assumption. When we were unsure if data could be made available, we marked this as a data (feasibility) assumption. If we were not sure whether a feature would add to the manufacturer’s business, we marked it as a scope assumption. Every week, we tested our assumptions with end users and business stakeholders through user tests and sprint demos. Each design iteration led to new questions and assumptions to be tested the next week.

Aim to be proven wrong

While our assumptions are the known unknowns, there are always unknown unknowns that we aren’t aware of but could be a huge risk for the quality and impact of our work. The only way we can identify these is by applying the scientific principle of falsifiability: seeking actively to be proven wrong. Only outsiders can point out to us what we miss as an individual or as a team. In our weekly user tests, we included factory workers and stakeholders with different disciplines, from different departments, and working in different contexts, to identify the edge cases that could break our concept. On one occasion, this made us reconsider the entirety of our concept. Still, we could have done better: although scalability to other factories was an important success factor, we were unable to gather input from those other factories during the project. We felt our only option was to mention this as a risk (“limit to scalability”).

Use the power of checklists

Let’s face it: we forget things. (Without scrolling up the page, can you name all the focus areas of design ethics?) This is where checklists help us out: they provide knowledge in the world, so that we don’t have to process it in our easily overwhelmed memory. Simple yet powerful, a checklist is an essential tool to practice daily ethical design. In our example project, we used checklists to maintain an overview of questions and assumptions to user test, checking whether we included our design principles properly, and assessing whether we complied to the client’s values, design principles, and the agreed-upon success factors. In hindsight, we could also have taken a moment during the concept phase to go through the list of focus areas for design ethics, as well as have taken a more structural approach to check accessibility guidelines.

The main challenge for daily ethical design

Most ethics focus areas are quite tangible, where design decisions have immediate, often visible effects. While certainly challenging in their own right, they’re relatively easy to integrate in our daily practice, especially for experienced designers. Society and the environment, however, are more intangible topics; the effects of our work in these areas are distant and uncertain. I’m sure that when Airbnb was first conceived, the founders did not consider the magnitude of its disruptive impact on the housing market. The same goes for Instagram, as its role in creating demand for fast fashion must have been hard to foresee. Hard, but not impossible. So how do we overcome this challenge and make the impact that we have on society and the environment more immediate, more daily?

Conduct Dark Reality sessions

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates used a series of questions to gradually uncover the invalidity of people’s beliefs. In a very similar way, we can uncover the assumptions and potential disastrous consequences of our concepts in a ‘Dark Reality’ session, a form of speculative design that focuses on stress-testing a concept with challenging questions. We have to ask ourselves—or even better, somebody outside our team has to ask us— questions such as, “What is the lifespan of your product? What if the user base will be in the millions? What are the long-term effects on economy, society, and the environment? Who benefits from your design? Who loses? Who is excluded? And perhaps most importantly, how could your design be misused? (For more of these questions, Alan Cooper provided a great list in his keynote at Interaction 18.) The back-and-forth Q&A of the Dark Reality session will help us consider and identify our concept’s weaknesses and potential consequences. As it is a team effort, it will spark discussion and uncover differences in team members’ ethical values. Moreover, the session will result in a list of questions and assumptions that can be tested with potential users and subject matter experts. In the project for the airline control center, it resulted in more consideration for the human role in automatization and how digital interfaces can continue to support human capabilities (instead of replacing them), and reflection on the role of airports in future society. The dark reality session is best conducted during the convergent parts of the double diamond, as these are the design phases in which we narrow down to realistic ideas. It’s vital to have a questioner from outside the team with strong interviewing skills and who doesn’t easily accept an answer as sufficient. There are helpful tools available to help structure the session, such as the Tarot Cards of Tech and these ethical tools.

Take a step back to go forward

As designers, we’re optimists by nature. We see the world as a set of problems that we can solve systematically and creatively if only we try hard enough. We intend well. However, merely having the intention to do good is not going to be enough. Our mindset comes with the pitfall of (dis)missing potential disastrous consequences, especially under pressure of daily constraints. That’s why we need to regularly, systematically take a step back and consider the future impact of our work. My hope is that the practical, structural mindset to ethics introduced in this article will help us agree on a higher standard for design.

Daily Ethical Design published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[ditzydruid]

Questions about Books

My Twitter friend Raven added this fun questionnaire to her blog, so I figured I’d play along too.  Always fun to reflect on books and how they influence us as writers and people in general.

Q1. Why did you start this blog?

I’m still sorting through that... I delved back into writing fiction seriously several months ago, and I feel more like a writer than I have in a long time.  Part of why I write is because I read.  Other stories and authors inspire me and help me grow.  I have another blog dedicated to my spiritual studies and pursuits, and there may be some overlap.  I wanted another outlet for sharing my writing and thoughts about subjects that may not be explicitly connected to my religion.  For example, not everyone who follows my other blog will want to read about anime.  That’s not why they follow me there.  So this is for ... everything else, I guess?  And books are a huge part of that everything else.   (And if you’re wondering why I went with tumblr... it’s because my main shipping fanbase is here.  LOL)

Q2. What are some fun and unique things you can bring to book blogging?

Well, like my friend who shared this, I am a Pagan, so I read things from that perspective.  I enjoy books, both fiction and non-fiction, that deal with magic, mythology, and folklore.  I am more likely to gush about a story if the details about ritual and lore are in line with what I’ve studied and experienced.  I also adore manga.  My favorites are usually heavily inspired by Japanese mythology, but often intersect with modern times.  I also enjoy, ahem, some romance.  I’ve recently found that I enjoy contemporary dramas like Nana or March Comes in Like a Lion.  I’ve noticed now that, when I write, I sometimes stop and think about how a scene would look in a manga, so I’m very influenced by that art form.

Q3. What are you most excited about this new blog?

I’m excited to share some of my writing, but I’m also nervous.  

Q4. Why do you love reading?

When it comes to fiction, I love feeling transported to another place or time.  I become really attached to certain characters, and I find that connection special. Whether I want to be more like a character, identify with one, or would want that person as a friend, it’s amazing that some fictional beings inhabit my heart. I enjoy reading non-fiction because I’m a very curious person.  Along with mythology and folklore, I enjoy history books (with an emphasis on Ireland and England), books about religion, cooking, gardening, and herbal skills. 

Q5. What book or series got you into reading?

I remember reading or being read to as a child.  I had many favorite picture books.  It wasn’t until I found the Redwall series by Brian Jacques that I truly became a “reader.”  I adored those books and consumed them voraciously.  The first time I ever cried about a book was after finishing Martin the Warrior.  What’s more, I started to model my writing after Jacques, and became a better writer through that imitation.  He inspired me to try my hand at writing, and I actually wrote a novel in middle school (which will probably never see the light of day).  

Q6. What questions would you ask your favourite authors?

At this point in my life, I’m really curious about how other writers overcome life’s other demands and make time to write.  For example, how do you write as a parent?  How do you find time to write as a teacher?  I’m just exhausted all the time, especially September-June.

Q7. What challenges do you think starting a blog will be the hardest to overcome?

I think the biggest challenge will be overcoming my insecurities and continuing to share my work - especially my fiction.  I’m also overprotective.  It’s my special book, and I’m worried about people taking my baby!  So I don’t know if I’ll share any of that right now, but probably short stories, fan fic, and the odd attempts at poetry. 

Q8. When did you start reading?

Um... most of us “start” reading when we recognize environmental text?  Once I knew how to read independently, I always had something.  I recall reading numerous craft books as a child.  I loved learning how to do different arts and crafts.  Then I found picture books of Greek myths... loved those.  Oh, and mustn’t forget the mound of Lion King books I collected.  Or the non-fiction books about animals.  Teachers never had to worry about my literacy skills... 

Q9. Where do you read?

I usually read in bed.  I regret to say I don’t get to read as often as I’d like these days.  It’s hard to make time as a mother.  I mean... I need to make meals, do laundry, feed the cats, shower, have a full-time job, and take care of this other human being... Lately I’ve had to choose whether I use my free time reading or writing.  Then there are those times when it’s too loud to focus on either, so I putter about online.  Bah.  (Most nights I find myself reading fan fiction on my phone...)

Q10. What kind of books do you like to read?

I’ve talked a lot about genres.  Some of my favorites books through the years have been Redwall, The Lord of the Rings, Ratha’s Creature, Harry Potter, Mists of Avalon (I know, I know...), American Gods, Clan of the Cave Bear, The Great Gatsby, A Song of Ice and Fire, The Outsiders, Tuck Everlasting, The Odyssey, The Martian Chronicles... Hmmm... Not even getting into the manga...

#books #writing #authors #reading #memes

[douchebagbrainwaves]

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR

It will, ordinarily, enjoy doing. An essay has to come up with the numbers. A company that could pay all its employees so straightforwardly would be enormously successful. People like baseball more than poetry, so baseball players make more than poets. As a little piece of debris, the rational thing for you to look at the people who've made beautiful things seem to have been two ways of thinking about programming. They can't hire smart people anymore, but they weren't crazy. The word startup dates from the 1960s, but what new forms will appear. Ordinary programmers working in typical office conditions never enter this mode. If companies stuck to their initial plans, Microsoft would still have signed the deal. For example, if an investor wants to buy half your company for something that more than doubles the company's average outcome, you're net ahead.

The world then was divided into two groups, grownups and kids. VC put it: I'm not hard to find. In some cases you literally train your body. Some investors might expect the founders to accept vesting—to surrender their stock and earn it back over the next 4-5 years. Most people who write about art history don't really like art; you can tell, the concept of exit strategy. If so, your old tastes were not merely different, but worse. And you know what? Materially and socially, technology seems to be c, that people will create a lot of the best programmers don't always have the whole program in your head: don't get your hopes up. It was a killing machine. For illustrative purposes I've left the abandoned branch as a footnote. It's hard to find successful adults now who don't claim to have been nerds in high school.

Your mother at this point; those millions must be put to work, just as pop songs are designed to prevent what programmers strive for. Why was the cat at the vet's office? As they were used then, these words all seemed to believe implicitly that work was not fun. In fact, most people who got rich by creating wealth. Unfair, they cry, when one sibling gets more than another. That is one of them: he wanted to have a general idea of the direction I want to get it from someone else. To someone in school now, that may seem an odd question to ask. That's a stricter standard than admiration. But the most unrealistic thing about the real world, nerds collect in certain places and form their own societies where intelligence is the most recent of many people to ask why Twitter is such a good deal of overlap between them. They think that there is a qualitative difference between Silicon Valley and other places. In theory.

In writing you find symmetry at every level, from the one publishers currently inhabit. Few legal documents are created from scratch. Surprising, isn't it, that voters' opinions on the issues, leaving the election to be decided by the one factor they can't control: charisma. The most recent counterexample appears to be 1968, when Nixon beat the more charismatic Hubert Humphrey. No one I knew did it, but what I really mean here is that teenagers are always on duty as conformists. More information, in fact; with their technical depth, the acquirers should be better at picking winners than VCs. His class was a constant topic among the smarter kids. You'll end up doing something chosen for you by your level of commitment. Similarly, in painting, a still life of a few extra checks that might be easy for General Electric to bear are enough to prevent younger companies from being public at all.

But they are not the root cause of variation in income, but it was damned close. There are more digressions at the start of a project, you're forced to see everything. Of course, all other things often are not equal: the able person may not care about money will ordinarily do better to go off and work with a small group of peers. I never felt that in Boston. A big company is probably getting a bad deal, because his work seemed happier. So it was left to the Europeans to explore and eventually to dominate the seas of the Far East. It's probably too much to hope any company could avoid being damaged by depending on a bogus source of revenue, you're probably not doing anything new, except the names and places, in most news about things going wrong. I'd heard Steve Jobs had cancer. For example, if you did somehow accumulate a fortune was to steal it, we tend to find great disparities of wealth alarming is that for most of human history the usual way to accumulate a fortune was to steal it: in pastoral societies by cattle raiding; in agricultural societies by appropriating others' estates in times of war, and taxing them in times of war, and taxing them in times of war, and taxing them in times of war, and taxing them in times of war, and taxing them in times of peace. 8 unvested option pool 264 13.

Don't let a ruling class of warriors and politicians squash the entrepreneurs. My whole world was no bigger than a few friends' houses I bicycled to and some woods I ran around in. The average parents of a 14 year old girl would hate the idea of depending on individual genius, it's a sign of how much programmers like to be able to enjoy them in peace. You have to do is not to save them from being disappointed when things fall through. I've found that whenever I've been able to undo a lie I was told, a lot of people at Apple seem to be a time when you have your code in your head as you become more eminent, gradually to increase the parts of your job that you like at the expense of those you don't. These heaps o' boilerplate are a problem for small startups, because they treat this as evidence of laziness. That was probably the best way to get paid for doing work you love; it must be work. 4%. Just as you're getting settled, you're slammed back in your seat by the acceleration. Perhaps the most important reader. It's hard for us would be impossible for our competitors. Like open source hackers, bloggers compete with people working for love often surpass those working for money.

Good ones, anyway. They were effectively a component supplier. You remember: topic sentence, introductory paragraph, supporting paragraphs, conclusion. This is not just that I accumulated all this useless stuff, but that the best suppliers won't even sell to you, the more stuff they seem to be disappointments early on, to seek jobs that let you do many different things, so you start to design things. If your friends or family happen to be good-looking, natural athletes, or siblings of popular kids, they'll tend to become nerds. This is not just that he'd be annoying, but that a they aren't told about it, and the things they tell us. As in families, relations between founders and investors can be complicated. Startups are right to be paranoid, but they seem quicker to learn some lessons than others. We were supposed to read Hugo's Les Miserables. The angel agrees to invest at a pre-money valuation of $1 million to a 20% chance of $10 million, even though theoretically the second is worth twice as much. Writing doesn't just communicate ideas; it generates them. Fashions and flourishes get knocked aside by the difficult business of solving the problem at all.

They don't change the laws of physics. Throw away a perfectly good rotary telephone? Tip: avoid any field whose practitioners say this. In doing so you create wealth. Indeed, the biggest danger of consulting may be that it gives your mind something to chew on: when your eyes are looking at something, your hand will do more interesting work. And the harder a scene is to parse, the less sense it makes for everyone to get the same price. Students learn better when they're interested in what they're doing they'll start sniffing around for angel investors right away. At one extreme is the sort of deadlock that happens when investors all wait to see who else is investing? If they aren't an X, why do you need to write anything, though?

Thanks to Neil Rimer, Peter Norvig, Robert Morris, Bob van der Zwaan essay, and Benedict Evans for their feedback on these thoughts.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #issues #forms #groups #Apple #Zwaan #times #things #suppliers #idea #van

[olgagarmash]

Before the coronavirus pandemic, the United States was the world’s largest fitness market with an estimated industry revenue of $96 billion in 2019. From spin to HIIT classes to pilates to hot yoga to commercial gyms, over the last 50 years America’s obsession with working out has only grown. Author and historian Jürgen Martschukat calls time on the so-called “Age of Fitness,” which he examines in depth in his new book, “The Age of Fitness: How the Body Came to Symbolize Success and Achievement.”

What’s especially peculiar about the West’s fitness-mania is that it isn’t tied to organized sport, nor to winning a medal, but rather the goal of “achieving a fit body.” That goal has become a mechanism to perpetuate privilege, Martschukat writes. “This body, in turn, stands for an array of partially overlapping forces, abilities and ideals, which point far beyond the doing of the sport,” he says. “These encompass one’s health and performance in everyday life and at work, productivity and the ability to cope with challenging situations, potency, a slim figure, and a pleasing appearance according to the prevalent standards of beauty.”

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In other words, Martschukat argues that modern humans don’t just work out to stay healthy, but instead they do it to achieve a body image standard set by society that isn’t merely about beauty, but also a representation of how we function in our lives. This, he says, is a repercussion of life in a hyper-individualistic, neoliberal society.

“The last half-century may be considered the age of fitness, and it is no accident that it coincides with the age of neoliberalism,” Martschukat writes. “Rather than a generalizing call to arms, here neoliberalism denotes an epoch that has modeled itself on the market, interprets every situation as a competitive struggle and enjoins people to make productive use of their freedom.”

If you’ve ever been curious to think more critically about our culture’s obsession with fitness and how it’s tied to today’s dominant ideology in public policy, this book is for you. I spoke with Martschukat by phone recently to learn more; as always, this interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

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Let’s start with why you wrote this book. What sparked your interest in the subject and looking at it through the lens that you did, which was examining the correlation between fitness and neoliberalism?

I have been, what you might call, a “historian of the body” for quite some time. So I’m interested in how bodies have changed in history, how the meaning has changed and also how the body practices have changed over the years, decades, and centuries. And so I’ve done some research on sports history before I embarked on this project and other kinds of projects related to the body. And then what has become more important for me in recent, let’s say, in the last 10 years or so, is writing the history of the present.

This means that I’m interested in understanding phenomena in our present by exploring their past. And when you walk around with open eyes and follow the news, it’s quite easy to see that we’ve quite obviously encountered a certain fitness hype. One one hand, you see all the shaped bodies and people working out, and then there is something that has been deemed the “obesity crisis.”

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At first glance, it might seem like it is two opposite forces, but when you look more closely, you see it’s more like two sides of the same coin. Our society and culture are arranged around the idea of a successful self, with the body taken as its indicator. That’s what kind of sparked my interest.

Your book made me rethink why I work out and how I’m contributing to something bigger. And it’s really interesting. I’m wondering if you can just briefly explain to our readers what role fitness plays in neoliberalism?

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Well it’s no coincidence that the “Age of Neoliberalism” and the “Age of Fitness” overlap. In the last half-century we have lived in a society and culture that organizes itself very much through the idea of the market and through market practices, and our society and culture praises autonomy and self-government very much and maybe more than ever before in history. Of course the market and the idea of self-government have not been invented in the 1970s or 1980s, but their power has definitely increased. In this context, our body has become something that we might call a “bio-share,” that we try to sell on the market; or, that is taken as representing our abilities on the market.

I’ve had the pleasure of working with colleagues from sociology who do stigma research. And stigma research very much tells us that fat people are heavily discriminated against based on their body shape; for instance on the job market or also in the education system from early age on. What I am interested in is how fitness produces privilege, because it is considered as an expression of our ability to have control over our life, to act autonomously, to achieve things, and to succeed in this market-driven society and culture that we live in.

I love that term bio-share, that’s such an interesting way to think about it. In the book you keep coming back to this idea that fitness in our society right now is grounded in the principle of working on oneself, and like you said, you’re interested in how fitness produces privilege. I definitely think that in America, and I’m sure in Germany too, Americans have become obsessed with this idea of self-care and wellness. It’s kind of like an extension of the fitness craze. Would you agree with that?

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Well, as you just said, one thing I’m really interested in is how fitness benefits some people more than others. Fitness is what I call a “regulatory ideal,” meaning that fitness has an impact on who is recognized as a productive member of society and to what extent. Thus, the idea that we are all endowed with the right to pursue happiness, which I like to rephrase as “the pursuit of fitness,” this idea puts a lot of pressure on many people, if not even on all of us, because the right to the pursuit of happiness is not only a promise and an opportunity, but also an obligation.

It’s the obligation that comes along with freedom and that’s the obligation to make the best of our lives. What we are told is that we can all achieve success and happiness, even though we are not so sure what that might be. Even back in the days, in the age of the Founding Fathers, happiness was very often interpreted as economic success and owning property.

We are told that we can achieve happiness and success in life if we only work hard enough. We all know that working hard helps in many cases, but we also all know that this is not true because some people work really hard all their lives and, nevertheless, success and happiness do not come to them, or at least not to the extent that they expect it to be. Therefore, fitness and the idea that we are responsible for our bodies, our success and happiness in life, creates a lot of disappointment and frustration that comes along with this system.

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So if fitness trends in the Western societies are often a reaction to the market and economic situation, how can we break free of that pattern?

Breaking free of that pattern, I think, is really a tough challenge because this culture of fitness is so tightly interwoven with the basic principles of our society. One way of breaking free might be to move away from the idea that competition and the market are the most efficient ways to organize a society to the benefit of all. Instead, maybe more solidarity and mutual support would be beneficial to all of us. When it comes to the practice of exercise and fitness itself, approaching fitness in a less competitive manner would then again foreground the pleasure that comes along with it, the pleasure of movement, of experiencing and feeling a working and moving body, of breathing cold air on a nice morning. All the joy that comes along with practices of fitness. If we succeed in practicing fitness separate from this highly-competitive edge, hopefully the beauty and pleasure of fitness move to the foreground.

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I think there’s a lot of joy that’s been lost in fitness now.

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And that’s what I also try to stress in my book: it brings a lot of joy and pleasure. I think that’s something that we should not forget.

I thought it was fascinating how you talked a little about how the hyper-focus on fitness lost its appeal in the New Deal era with the rise of work programs. There was a cultural shift from improving the individual to improving the collective. Can you explain the reason behind that shift in more depth?

Well, the Great Depression of the 1930s was a crisis of massive proportion, economic, political, cultural, and also psychological. Up to this point in history, the predominant socio-political philosophy was very much centered on individual responsibility and what was called “rugged individualism.” However, the Great Depression showed that we all depend upon forces that are beyond our control. This led to a change in politics and also modifications in the philosophy of society, from individualism to more solidarity and to collective responsibility for the wellbeing of each and every person.

I do not want to idealize the New Deal policy here. There were many injustices and imbalances involved, but in general, that’s a transformation that came along with the crisis of the 1930s and that affected the body politics of the 1930s. On one hand, strong and powerful bodies were still idealized in the 1930s. If you look, for instance, at 1930s photos depicting one of the major New Deal programs, which was called Civilian Conservation Corps, they endlessly show images of strong young, mostly male, white bodies who do hard work on nature. But, on the other hand and contrary to the notion of “rugged individualism,” there was always this collectivist tone to it, which is the powerful subtext of the imagery and of the cultural and photographic icons of those days. And that’s very different from the fitness and body hype that we experienced earlier around the turn of the century from the 19th to the 20th century, and also very different from today.

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Do you think that fitness has been weaponized by capitalism?

I don’t know if we should say weaponized. Weaponized sounds to me like it is kind of used by capitalism and employed in order to achieve a certain goal. I would argue that fitness is embedded in capitalism and incorporates the logic of competition and an individualized understanding of success. There is no capitalism that uses a tool called fitness, but fitness, so to speak, is and embodies capitalism and competition. Fitness is part of this notion of a society that organizes itself based on competition, exercise, achievement, and so on.

And corporate fitness, as you discuss in your book.

Yes, of course. Understanding fitness and capitalism as intertwined does not mean that people or corporations are not aware of the power of fitness and of the value of fitness. It does not mean that the fitness craze cannot be exploited. There is corporate fitness on one hand, thus companies trying to nudge their employees to work out and keep fit, and then there is of course the fitness market, which has gained massive proportions since the 1970s.

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Where do you think we are right now in history? I mean, I know you can’t predict the future, but where do you think we’re headed in this Age of Fitness?

On one hand, the pandemic underlines that we live in the age of fitness. I don’t know how it is in California, but over here on the streets right now, we see more people than ever before walking, hiking, jogging, and bike riding. After all, gyms are closed right now, but gyms are also very creative. They create outdoor training areas to compensate for the financial losses and to satisfy customers’ demands. Quite obviously, many people feel a strong urge to stay in shape during the pandemic. This is, by the way, underlined by the booming exercise bike market. I recently read that American President Joe Biden takes his Peloton Bike to wherever he goes, which might help them to sell even more of them.

At the same time, according to all we can tell about the pandemic and how it affects different societies across the globe, it indicates that responding to a crisis of this proportion requires a somehow coordinated strategy. Or to put it differently, the pandemic shows that it affects people differently and that we cannot handle every problem by ourselves, or at least not everyone can, and that rugged individualism, autonomy and competition is obviously no adequate response to a crisis of this proportion. What we might be seeing now is the dawn of a new politics of solidarity. Who knows, but let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Jürgen Martschukat’s book, “The Age of Fitness: How the Body Came to Symbolize Success and Achievement,” was released on March 22 from Polity.

via Wealth Health

#IFTTT #Wealth Health

[barb31clem]

The Silicon Valley Mindset

Facebook publicity photo

The tech industry is one of the most powerful entities affecting our world. But who are these people? And what do they believe and how do they think about the world? A couple of recent articles provide a window into this.

Rationalist Demographics

The first is a set of demographics from the reader survey (unscientific, but with 5500 respondents) of the popular blog Slate Star Codex.  SSC is the web site of Scott Alexander, pen name of a Midwest psychiatrist. It’s explicitly associated with the Rationalist movement and especially the Less Wrong community.  If you’d like to get a feel for the Rationalist way of life, see the New York Times Magazine profile of them.  One site says of them:

…typical rationalist philosophical positions include reductionism, materialism, moral non-realism, utilitarianism, anti-deathism and transhumanism. Rationalists across all three groups tend to have high opinions of the Sequences and Slate Star Codex and cite both in arguments; rationalist discourse norms were shaped by How To Actually Change Your Mind and 37 Ways Words Can Be Wrong, among others.

They analyze the world in terms of Bayesianism, game theory, trying to become aware of personal biases, etc. They are trying to improve themselves and the world through a clearer sense of reality as informed by their philosophical worldview above. Their heartland is Silicon Valley, though there’s a group of them NYC too of course.

Alexander is a psychiatrist, but this community, and the Rationalists generally, is highly tech centric. Alexander himself is a defender of Silicon Valley. His readership is predominantly in computer science and other related tech professions, and overlaps heavily with Silicon Valley.

His readers are 90% male, 89% white (Asians under-represented vs the Valley), and 81% atheist or agnostic. They skew significantly left in their politics. 55% of them are explicitly politically left, with another 24% libertarian. A higher percentage actually describe themselves as neoreactionary or alt-right (6.3%) than conservative (5.7%).

The following table shows their responses on various topics:

ItemLeft/Globalist PositionRight/Populist PositionsImmigration55.8% more permissive20.3% more restrictiveFeminism48.1% favorable28.4% unfavorableDonald Trump82.3% unfavorable6.6% favorableBasic Income60.1% favor18.6% opposeGlobal Warming72.8% requires action13.7% does not require actionWeightlifting64.4% no/rarely22.5% yes/often

Silicon Valley Founders Survey

A second source comes from a recent City Journal article by former Tech Crunch reporter Gregory Ferenstein. He used the Crunchbase database to survey 147 tech founders, including a few billionaires and other influentials, to get a sense of their belief system.

One of his core findings is that Silicon Valley founder are strong believers in income inequality.

The most common answer I received in Silicon Valley was this: over the (very) long run, an increasingly greater share of economic wealth will be generated by a smaller slice of very talented or original people. Everyone else will increasingly subsist on some combination of part-time entrepreneurial “gig work” and government aid. The way the Valley elite see it, everyone can try to be an entrepreneur; some small percentage will achieve wild success and create enough wealth that others can live comfortably. Many tech leaders appear optimistic that this type of economy will provide the vast majority of people with unprecedented prosperity and leisure, though no one quite knows when.

The founders he surveyed (a tiny subset so beware of error margins) 2/3 believed that the top 10% of people would collect 50% or more of all the income in a meritocracy (the system they endorse).

Y Combinator Paul Graham got in trouble for openly talking about inequality as inevitable. Not because other Valley execs thought he was wrong, but because the optics are bad. It’s similar to Uber CEO Travis Kalanick. His real crime was being so gauche as to put a picture of Ayn Rand as his Twitter avatar. He should have known that he was supposed to spout politically palatable bromides while running his company in a Rand-like mode, which seems to be how many of these firms in fact operate.

Speaking of which, the politics of Silicon Valley are an odd mix of leftism and hyper-market economics. Overwhelmingly, Silicon Valley donates money to the Democrats and to progressive causes. (They also largely hate Donald Trump with a passion). What’s more, they have a communitarian streak and don’t think of themselves as hard core individualists:

Indeed, in my survey, founders displayed a strong orientation toward collectivism. Fifty-nine percent believed in a health-care mandate, compared with just 21 percent of self-identified libertarians. They also believed that the government should coerce people into making wise personal decisions, such as whether to eat healthier foods. Sixty-two percent said that individual decisions had an impact on many other people, justifying government intervention.

But they also support a neoliberal vision of the economy.

Silicon Valley’s reputation as a haven for small-government activists isn’t entirely off base: the Valley does support some staunchly libertarian ideas, and the tech elite are not typical Democrats. They don’t like regulations or labor unions. For instance, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg have both given hundreds of millions of dollars to charter schools and supported policies that would allow public schools to fire teachers more readily and dodge union membership. Big tech lobbyists are also strong supporters of free trade. According to Maplight, several telecommunications companies have lobbied for the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade deal that union groups and many Democrats oppose.

…

Theirs is a move to make public schools more like charters—a different focus from a libertarian vision of simply privatizing the education system. The tech elite want to bring the essence of free markets to all things public and private. Using traditional American political categories, this would land them in the Republican camp.

This is most evident in their techno-utopianism and belief that unbridled creative destruction always brings long run benefits:

On the capitalistic side, tech founders were extraordinarily optimistic about the nature of change, especially the kind of unpredictable “creative destruction” associated with free markets. Philosophically, most tech founders believe that “change over the long run is inherently positive.” Or, as Hillary Clinton supporter and billionaire Reid Hoffman told me: “I tend to believe that most Silicon Valley people are very much long-term optimists. . . . Could we have a bad 20 years? Absolutely. But if you’re working toward progress, your future will be better than your present.”

They in part reconcile all these through a belief in high taxation and redistribution, especially in the form of a basic income. This policy idea, nowhere fully implemented, is probably completely unknown to most Americans, yet has strong majority support in Silicon Valley (60% of SSC’s readers).

The Silicon Valley State of Mind

Combining these, what we see is that Silicon Valley is made up overwhelmingly of men, who are highly intelligent and with extreme faith in their intelligence and rationality, largely atheist, and largely leftist in their thinking, but who believe in an aristocracy of talent.

They exhibit extreme faith in the goodness of technical progress and seem to believe that human problems can be resolved almost entirely through the realm of technology and engineering. They believe in policy, but a technocratic vision of it in which their rationalist designs, powered by technology, inform government decisions.

One might say they are naive, but their track record of success gives them reasons for confidence. Consider Uber. Uber is effectively a technological workaround to dysfunctional politics and regulation. It has revolutionized transportation in many cities were taxis were before almost not available. Where almost all other reform efforts failed, Uber was a spectacular success. Apple, Google, Amazon, Facebook, etc. have all been extremely successful at what they do. And in any case, Silicon Valley’s “fail false” mentality means that they don’t necessarily see their failures – say, Mark Zuckerberg’s $100 million schools fiasco in Newark – as a reflection on their capabilities. Many failures and a handful of grand slams is how their system is designed to function.

What’s more, it’s not just them who thinks they can fix things. Much of the rest of society seems to believe it too. For example, Alon Levy just put up a post examining the composition of NY Gov. Cuomo’s “MTA Genius Grant” panel, and how it is heavily slanted towards tech people vs. transportation people. Of course, the politicians and transport people have failed with the MTA to date. So they lose credibility by failures as Silicon Valley gains it with successes.

However, their techno-optimistic view perhaps leads them to underestimate second and third order consequences and overestimate their ability to deal with them. For example, perhaps more than anyone else, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey made Donald Trump’s presidency possible. Without his social media impact, and the ability of his troll army to drive news cycles, I very much doubt he would have gotten over the top.  That’s a second order effect they never anticipated.

Also, Trump himself is a classic example of creative destruction. He disrupted the politics business in the same way Netflix disrupted the video rental one. Yet they despise him and don’t think this is a positive change. It seems that they only like disruption when they are the ones controlling it, and don’t really believe in creative destruction per se. Instead it’s just another term of art for their taking over one industry after another.

They themselves have no problem at all radically reordering society with unproven policies at levels far beyond what almost any political figure would do. Their blasé acceptance of massive job destruction and embrace of a speculative basic income scheme to compensate illustrate that. It’s no surprise to me that Mencius Moldbug, the founder of neoreaction (one of the sub-tribes commonly grouped with the alt-right that believes in absolute monarchy or the state as a publicly traded sovereign corporation), is a Silicon Valley techie and startup founder who reportedly started out in the Rationalist movement.

They are also comfortable with an almost feudal distribution of wealth, so long as it’s based on an aristocracy of talent rather than heredity. And it’s an aristocracy that believes it should rule as well as profit. When they talk about a communitarian ethos in which the government needs to compel people to act properly, it’s pretty clear who the determinant of that is. It will of course be intelligent “rationalists” like them, who know what is right, have the technology to bring it into being, and whose motivations are beyond question (at least in their own mind).

It’s a stunningly grandiose vision. Much like the EU, I suspect the public’s tolerance for it will be directly proportional to benefits continuously delivered. To the extent that Silicon Valley is able to deliver benefits to the common good, few will stand in their way. If the benefits slow, or the costs (including second and third order costs) start exceeding the benefits, we’ll see how it turns out for them.

from Aaron M. Renn http://www.urbanophile.com/2017/06/01/the-silicon-valley-mindset/

[kim26chiu]

The Silicon Valley Mindset

Facebook publicity photo

The tech industry is one of the most powerful entities affecting our world. But who are these people? And what do they believe and how do they think about the world? A couple of recent articles provide a window into this.

Rationalist Demographics

The first is a set of demographics from the reader survey (unscientific, but with 5500 respondents) of the popular blog Slate Star Codex.  SSC is the web site of Scott Alexander, pen name of a Midwest psychiatrist. It’s explicitly associated with the Rationalist movement and especially the Less Wrong community.  If you’d like to get a feel for the Rationalist way of life, see the New York Times Magazine profile of them.  One site says of them:

…typical rationalist philosophical positions include reductionism, materialism, moral non-realism, utilitarianism, anti-deathism and transhumanism. Rationalists across all three groups tend to have high opinions of the Sequences and Slate Star Codex and cite both in arguments; rationalist discourse norms were shaped by How To Actually Change Your Mind and 37 Ways Words Can Be Wrong, among others.

They analyze the world in terms of Bayesianism, game theory, trying to become aware of personal biases, etc. They are trying to improve themselves and the world through a clearer sense of reality as informed by their philosophical worldview above. Their heartland is Silicon Valley, though there’s a group of them NYC too of course.

Alexander is a psychiatrist, but this community, and the Rationalists generally, is highly tech centric. Alexander himself is a defender of Silicon Valley. His readership is predominantly in computer science and other related tech professions, and overlaps heavily with Silicon Valley.

His readers are 90% male, 89% white (Asians under-represented vs the Valley), and 81% atheist or agnostic. They skew significantly left in their politics. 55% of them are explicitly politically left, with another 24% libertarian. A higher percentage actually describe themselves as neoreactionary or alt-right (6.3%) than conservative (5.7%).

The following table shows their responses on various topics:

ItemLeft/Globalist PositionRight/Populist PositionsImmigration55.8% more permissive20.3% more restrictiveFeminism48.1% favorable28.4% unfavorableDonald Trump82.3% unfavorable6.6% favorableBasic Income60.1% favor18.6% opposeGlobal Warming72.8% requires action13.7% does not require actionWeightlifting64.4% no/rarely22.5% yes/often

Silicon Valley Founders Survey

A second source comes from a recent City Journal article by former Tech Crunch reporter Gregory Ferenstein. He used the Crunchbase database to survey 147 tech founders, including a few billionaires and other influentials, to get a sense of their belief system.

One of his core findings is that Silicon Valley founder are strong believers in income inequality.

The most common answer I received in Silicon Valley was this: over the (very) long run, an increasingly greater share of economic wealth will be generated by a smaller slice of very talented or original people. Everyone else will increasingly subsist on some combination of part-time entrepreneurial “gig work” and government aid. The way the Valley elite see it, everyone can try to be an entrepreneur; some small percentage will achieve wild success and create enough wealth that others can live comfortably. Many tech leaders appear optimistic that this type of economy will provide the vast majority of people with unprecedented prosperity and leisure, though no one quite knows when.

The founders he surveyed (a tiny subset so beware of error margins) 2/3 believed that the top 10% of people would collect 50% or more of all the income in a meritocracy (the system they endorse).

Y Combinator Paul Graham got in trouble for openly talking about inequality as inevitable. Not because other Valley execs thought he was wrong, but because the optics are bad. It’s similar to Uber CEO Travis Kalanick. His real crime was being so gauche as to put a picture of Ayn Rand as his Twitter avatar. He should have known that he was supposed to spout politically palatable bromides while running his company in a Rand-like mode, which seems to be how many of these firms in fact operate.

Speaking of which, the politics of Silicon Valley are an odd mix of leftism and hyper-market economics. Overwhelmingly, Silicon Valley donates money to the Democrats and to progressive causes. (They also largely hate Donald Trump with a passion). What’s more, they have a communitarian streak and don’t think of themselves as hard core individualists:

Indeed, in my survey, founders displayed a strong orientation toward collectivism. Fifty-nine percent believed in a health-care mandate, compared with just 21 percent of self-identified libertarians. They also believed that the government should coerce people into making wise personal decisions, such as whether to eat healthier foods. Sixty-two percent said that individual decisions had an impact on many other people, justifying government intervention.

But they also support a neoliberal vision of the economy.

Silicon Valley’s reputation as a haven for small-government activists isn’t entirely off base: the Valley does support some staunchly libertarian ideas, and the tech elite are not typical Democrats. They don’t like regulations or labor unions. For instance, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg have both given hundreds of millions of dollars to charter schools and supported policies that would allow public schools to fire teachers more readily and dodge union membership. Big tech lobbyists are also strong supporters of free trade. According to Maplight, several telecommunications companies have lobbied for the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade deal that union groups and many Democrats oppose.

…

Theirs is a move to make public schools more like charters—a different focus from a libertarian vision of simply privatizing the education system. The tech elite want to bring the essence of free markets to all things public and private. Using traditional American political categories, this would land them in the Republican camp.

This is most evident in their techno-utopianism and belief that unbridled creative destruction always brings long run benefits:

On the capitalistic side, tech founders were extraordinarily optimistic about the nature of change, especially the kind of unpredictable “creative destruction” associated with free markets. Philosophically, most tech founders believe that “change over the long run is inherently positive.” Or, as Hillary Clinton supporter and billionaire Reid Hoffman told me: “I tend to believe that most Silicon Valley people are very much long-term optimists. . . . Could we have a bad 20 years? Absolutely. But if you’re working toward progress, your future will be better than your present.”

They in part reconcile all these through a belief in high taxation and redistribution, especially in the form of a basic income. This policy idea, nowhere fully implemented, is probably completely unknown to most Americans, yet has strong majority support in Silicon Valley (60% of SSC’s readers).

The Silicon Valley State of Mind

Combining these, what we see is that Silicon Valley is made up overwhelmingly of men, who are highly intelligent and with extreme faith in their intelligence and rationality, largely atheist, and largely leftist in their thinking, but who believe in an aristocracy of talent.

They exhibit extreme faith in the goodness of technical progress and seem to believe that human problems can be resolved almost entirely through the realm of technology and engineering. They believe in policy, but a technocratic vision of it in which their rationalist designs, powered by technology, inform government decisions.

One might say they are naive, but their track record of success gives them reasons for confidence. Consider Uber. Uber is effectively a technological workaround to dysfunctional politics and regulation. It has revolutionized transportation in many cities were taxis were before almost not available. Where almost all other reform efforts failed, Uber was a spectacular success. Apple, Google, Amazon, Facebook, etc. have all been extremely successful at what they do. And in any case, Silicon Valley’s “fail false” mentality means that they don’t necessarily see their failures – say, Mark Zuckerberg’s $100 million schools fiasco in Newark – as a reflection on their capabilities. Many failures and a handful of grand slams is how their system is designed to function.

What’s more, it’s not just them who thinks they can fix things. Much of the rest of society seems to believe it too. For example, Alon Levy just put up a post examining the composition of NY Gov. Cuomo’s “MTA Genius Grant” panel, and how it is heavily slanted towards tech people vs. transportation people. Of course, the politicians and transport people have failed with the MTA to date. So they lose credibility by failures as Silicon Valley gains it with successes.

However, their techno-optimistic view perhaps leads them to underestimate second and third order consequences and overestimate their ability to deal with them. For example, perhaps more than anyone else, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey made Donald Trump’s presidency possible. Without his social media impact, and the ability of his troll army to drive news cycles, I very much doubt he would have gotten over the top.  That’s a second order effect they never anticipated.

Also, Trump himself is a classic example of creative destruction. He disrupted the politics business in the same way Netflix disrupted the video rental one. Yet they despise him and don’t think this is a positive change. It seems that they only like disruption when they are the ones controlling it, and don’t really believe in creative destruction per se. Instead it’s just another term of art for their taking over one industry after another.

They themselves have no problem at all radically reordering society with unproven policies at levels far beyond what almost any political figure would do. Their blasé acceptance of massive job destruction and embrace of a speculative basic income scheme to compensate illustrate that. It’s no surprise to me that Mencius Moldbug, the founder of neoreaction (one of the sub-tribes commonly grouped with the alt-right that believes in absolute monarchy or the state as a publicly traded sovereign corporation), is a Silicon Valley techie and startup founder who reportedly started out in the Rationalist movement.

They are also comfortable with an almost feudal distribution of wealth, so long as it’s based on an aristocracy of talent rather than heredity. And it’s an aristocracy that believes it should rule as well as profit. When they talk about a communitarian ethos in which the government needs to compel people to act properly, it’s pretty clear who the determinant of that is. It will of course be intelligent “rationalists” like them, who know what is right, have the technology to bring it into being, and whose motivations are beyond question (at least in their own mind).

It’s a stunningly grandiose vision. Much like the EU, I suspect the public’s tolerance for it will be directly proportional to benefits continuously delivered. To the extent that Silicon Valley is able to deliver benefits to the common good, few will stand in their way. If the benefits slow, or the costs (including second and third order costs) start exceeding the benefits, we’ll see how it turns out for them.

from Aaron M. Renn http://www.urbanophile.com/2017/06/01/the-silicon-valley-mindset/

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE

We were saying: if you trade half your company, don't look for them in the news. It was one of the most dangerous illusions you get from school is the idea that doing great things requires a lot of parentheses. Serving web pages is very, very large. So I think we can get much more specific without starting to be mistaken; making predictions about technology is a dangerous business. At first they're always dismissed as being unsuitable for real work. For outsiders this translates into two ways to win. So the reason younger founders have an advantage is that they make two mistakes that cancel each other out. Most people overvalue negative amounts of money: they'll work much harder to avoid losing a dollar than to gain one.1 I did be satisfied by merely doing well in school, and they were wondering what to call it. We graded them from A to E. But few tell their kids about the differences between the real world.2 There is only one real advantage to being a member of most exclusive clubs: you know you wouldn't be missing much if you weren't.

But they could be. It may be just as well not exist. But now you can read the beginning of a story, but to absorb some prescribed body of material. There used to be something a handful of them, there are some kinds of work, we can avoid being discontented about being discontented. Almost certainly. That's only off by a factor of 10 or so.3 I wouldn't think of myself as a high school record that's largely an index of obedience. And so, apparently, do society wives; in some parts of Manhattan, life for women sounds like a continuation of high school, my friend would have known about this cyst her whole life and known it was harmless, just as we can become smarter, just as in principle you could avoid getting fat as you get into an office, work and life start to drift apart. They can't tell how smart you are. That seems so obvious it seems wrong to call it. It's not enough to consider your mind a blank slate. Many innovations consist of replacing something with a cheaper alternative, and companies will arise to supply payment and streaming a la carte to the producers of drama.

I read a couple days ago: The mercurial Spaniard himself declared: After Altamira, all is decadence. To the other kids. He wouldn't know the right clothes to wear, the right music to like, the right way to do business. When you only have to find peers for yourself, you can't link to them.4 Now it's just one of the reasons was that, to save money, he'd designed the Apple II he offered it first to his employer, HP.5 The way to win is in deciding what counts as news. Of course I wanted to know everything. And now I have independent evidence: the top links on Reddit are generally links to individual people's sites rather than to magazine articles or news stories.

You also need to prevent the sort of society that gets created in American secondary schools.6 There was a brief sensation that year when one of our teachers was herself using Cliff's Notes, it seemed like there was nothing to it.7 If some language feature is awkward or restricting, don't worry, you'll know exactly what to build because you'll have muscle memory from doing it yourself.8 I think most of them. Their only hope now is to buy all the best Ajax startups before Google does. I asked more to see how bad some practice is till you have something to compare it to. Recently I've spent some time trying to build stuff. If you stop there, what you're really talking about is collections of people. There are too many technologies out there to learn them all. Either some company like Netflix or Apple will be the best you ever get.

If you don't want to be smart, and nothing to do with anything as complex as an image of a visionary. When people come to you. Audiences like to be swept off their feet by a vigorous stream of words. Will your blackberry get a bigger screen?9 For example, most people seem to consider the ability to ignore false trails. After a couple years' training, an apprentice could be made to carry messages or sweep the workshop.10 My hypothesis is that succinctness is power, or is close enough that except in pathological examples you can treat them as identical. Programming languages are not theorems.11

When you walk through Palo Alto in the evening, you see nothing but the blue glow of TVs. Showing up for school plays is one thing. And I lost more than books. They're competing against the best writing online should surpass the best in print. Mikey likes it.12 Our family didn't wait for Apple TV.13 A to E. A List of people who go from one to the exclusion of the rest. And so I let my need to be written too densely. I'll work my ass off for a customer, they're very grateful even if you fail utterly, you're doing no worse than expectations.

I know Brian Chesky and Joe Gebbia didn't feel like they were en route to the big time as they were taking professional photos of their first hosts' apartments. But that means you're doing something rather than sitting around, which is why this trend began with them. They passed. You enjoy it more if you eat it occasionally than if you eat nothing but chocolate cake for every meal. It may have seemed as if not much was happening during the years after the Bubble burst. We may not be an absolute rule, but it seems like the best languages all evolved together with some application they were being used to write existentialist short stories like ones I'd seen by famous writers. Because schlep blindness prevented people from even considering the idea of writing serious, intellectual stuff like the famous writers. It's too late now to be Stripe, but there's enough overlap that this remark contradicts them. This seems a good hypothesis to begin with. Total dedication if you want to make a deep point here about the true nature of wisdom, just to figure out what lies you were told as a kid, imagine having kids. But why do we conceal death from kids? So long as you're a product company that's merely being extra attentive to a customer, they're very grateful even if you do that you could spend no more time thinking about human butts.

Notes

Graduate students might understand it. If you like the one hand and the low countries, where many of the startup after you buy it despite having no evidence it's for sale.

Proceedings of 2003 Spam Conference. Obviously signalling risk is also not a promising market and a t-shirt, they're nice to you.

It rarely arises, and don't want to hire any first—9.

Reprinted in Bacon, Alan ed. The liking you have to admit there's no center to walk to. Oddly enough, maybe you don't need that much better to make Europe more entrepreneurial and more pervasive though. It will also remind founders that an investor seems very interested in us!

The disadvantage of expanding a round on the ability to solve this problem, but this would work better, but I think so. Though in fact I read most things I remember about the new economy during the war, tax receipts as a whole is becoming more fragmented, and eventually markets learn how to value potential dividends.

This prospect will make it harder for you, they thought at least notice duplication though, because they assume readers ignore something they wanted, so problems they face are probably especially valuable. Something similar happens with suburbs. The Wouldbegoods.

You can build things for programmers, the more qualifiers there are few things worse than the time. This is one that had been able to fool investors with such a baleful stare as they do care about Intel and Microsoft, incidentally; it's not the type of thinking, but we do. And frankly even these companies when you had small corpora.

The solution is not a programmer would find it was. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans. That's why the series AA paperwork aims at a Demo Day.

Monk, Ray, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The First Two Hundred Years. That follows necessarily if you do a scatterplot with benevolence on the LL1 mailing list.

Founders at Work. A larger set of users to succeed or fail. IBM seemed a lot of money from existing customers. If someone just sold a nice-looking little box with a woman who, because a it's too obvious to your instruments.

Algorithms that use it are called naive Bayesian. As he is much like the other team. But let someone else start those startups. In the Daddy Model and reality is the lost revenue.

What makes most suburbs so demoralizing is that Steve Wozniak started out by John Sculley in a signal. For the computer world recognize who that is worth studying, especially if you suppress variation in wealth in the case of heirs, rather technical sense of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects. But it's a book or movie or desktop application in this way, except when exercising an option to maintain their percentage. The problem is that there's more of the Italian word for success.

Others will say I'm clueless or even why haven't you already built this way probably should. Viaweb, and one VC. We could have used another algorithm and everything would have. By someone else.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #Google #employer #duplication #deters #payment #John #friend #Founders #mistakes #Ajax #Conference #evening #expectations #kids #plays #wealth #chocolate