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popculturebuffet · 6 months

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Transcontinental Hustle: Ghosts UK and US (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you spooky people and welcome back to Trans-Contiental Hustle, my occasional look at shows and their foreign remakes to see how they compare. This is our second installment and I honestly didn't INTEND for it to be almost 9 months between these but it happens. I"ll try to do more next year. Last time I took a look at That 70's Show and it's half assed British Remake, Days Like These, which replaced a talented cast and one sex criminal with a few british specific references and... nothing else. And while a few other remakes like this have happened like Mad About You (Which I now GOTTA see) or Married With Children.. for the most part when it comes to remakes we usuallyt ake from britian. Just looking at the list on wikipedia, the breakdown for us remakes of other countries shows is... pretty lopsided

Argentina, Brazil, France,Germany, Norway, Portugal : 1 Belgium, Columbia, Denmark, New Zeland, Spain: 2 Sweden: 3 Australia: 10 Japan: 18 UK: 53

I mean I knew it'd be going in but JESUS FUCK. Combining all the other countries it STILL only adds up to 38. We steal/adapt/borrow/rob from the UK a LOT. I will try to have variety, but expect this to happen a lot. I mean Gordon Ramsey alone has MULTIPLE shows on both coasts. And yes reality shows aren't off the table.

So naturally that leads to our first US adaptaiton of a UK show, Ghosts. The original Ghosts launched in 2019 on BBC One, the newest show from acting troupe Them There, who previously did the show Horrible Histories and were looking to do something adult albeit along the lines of Blackadder or the Simpsons: meant for adults but still something older kids can enjoy. After watching an episode of who do you think you are, Co-Creator Jim Howick, was fastinated by the story of a castmember of eastenders who turned out to be related to british royalty and having already had the haunted house idea, ghosts was born. Not much later in 2021, Joe Port and Joe Wiseman , longtime sitcom producers and writers, got the job by CBS adapting it for the US, though with the british cast helping advise.

So not only are both very recent as a result both are fairly similar. In fact the two episode pilot of each show .. follow the same plot, simply with some adjustments: A late 20's early 30's woman inherits a mansion from a distant relative, said mansion has ghosts and after falling out a window finds out she can see them. Hyjinks insue. So the question is what makes these two shows unique, is one better than the other and most importantly is the american version a good adaptation. Let's find out under the cut as I break down these episodes.

As I said the basic plot for both pilots is the same, so i'll be recapping them together again.

We start with a bunch of ghosts as the lady of their manor expires, with them thinking she'll join them before she aburbtly passes on. it quickly establishes this house has ghosts, ghosts can move on and who our main casts of ghosts are

As for introducing our ghosts...it's a lot as while a lot of the ghosts have counterparts between versions, the ghosts are mostly entirely unique between versions. This is one of the things I like most about Ghosts US as an adaptation: it copies the basic premise and a few characters, but still gives most of the archetypes it borrows their own feel and recognizes that you'd have diffrent ghosts in america than britan. It also just combines the two most annoying ghosts into one person and makes him far less of a buttwhiff but we'll get to that. So i'll be throwing a lot of characters at you at once, which the series does.. but still uses a scene early on in each version of the first episode to let you get used to them. INstead I have to infodump like a motherfucker so hang on.

Our UK Ghosts are...

Kitty Highham (Lolly Adefope): An excitable ditzy black aristocrat from the late 1700s. She's your standard bubbly woman with no brains, a sterotype I thought we'd buried but it's ghost lingers here. Thomas Thorne (Matthew Bayton): A tortured poet and a character I liked at first, an overly hammy young man.. but becomes annoying once Alison, the alive lead for the US series, comes into frame as he moons over her, despite having a husband, asks her to die to join him and generally is a creep.

MP Julian Fawcett (Simon Farnaby): A disgraced politican who as the papers reporting his death accuratley call him "a sex pest". He died with his pants down, and is generally egotistical and creepy. He's annoying but ballanced by the fact that researching himself only leads to his shock that

A public figure dying during a sex act. .is only going to be remembered for that. Shocker. Even Alison has at least heard of him for that and nothing else.

Lady Fanny Button (Martha Howe-Douglas): The uptight lady of the manor whose husband horribly killed her. She's also grating, calling Allison a whore multiple times, but eventually aquesing she might be a button after all. THey smartly.. toned this the hell down in the us version but we'll get to her.

Pat Butcher (Jim Howick): A doofy camp counsler who died via a fatal case of arrow to the neck in the 1980s after a scouting accident gone wrong, and whose the nicest and most friendly of the bunch and the only one to be happy Allison's here who dosen't also want to reinact that one scene from ghostbusters.

Rogh (Laurence Rickard): Their biggest swing, a caveman who lived on the grounds and the oldest ghost. He's kinda fun but I can see why he was replaced by a slightly younger ghost in the american versoin Sir Humphrey Bone (Also Rickard): A decapitated Tudor Nobleman whose constantly having to fumble with his head The Captain (Bill Wilbond): A boisterious WWI vetran and insufferable blowhard. He's also a closted gay man which explains a LOT.

Mary (Katy Wix): A victim of the witch trials, kinda friendly just wants people to renounce satan, ironically enough.

Our American Ghosts are:

Captain Isaac Higgenfoot (Brandon Scott Jones): Our Captain counterpart who was in the revolutionary war instead. He's also far less successful in pretending to be a tough military man like The Captain was.. or that he's at all straight.

Alberta Haynes (Danielle Pinnock): A prohibition Lounge Singer. She's the rough countepart of Kitty, both being black women in fancy dresses, but that's about all they have in common, with Kitty's personality transplated to another ghost. Instead Alberta is simply boisterous, loves to sing and is fun to have around without sinking into sterotypes. Top notch reinvention.

Pete Martino (Rich Moriarty): Pat's counterpart, complete with a similar death. Out of all the ghosts he's the only one not changed really at all. Only some details in his personal life I don't need to go into got changed between versions. I'm fine with this as Pat was both one of the best parts of the UK one and they change up the backstory enough to change the stories they tell with him. Plus Scouts just.. fit both coasts too well not to have him.

Trevor Lefkowitz (Asher Goodman): A buisness bro, whose a combo of julian (buisness dude from the past (If 2000's instead of 1990s) who died with his pants down) and Thomas, but with both's worst traits gone: Trevor hits on the lady of the house, but she both brushees it off and he's not nearly as creepy about it, and he isn't you know.. asking her to kill herself. And while he'll ocasinally say sex stuff, he's not nearly as gross as julian, nor pompus and it's later revealed he didn't even die mid sex act. I wont spoil how, but I bumped into it. All in all a MUCH better character than either of his basis.

Flower (Sheila Carrasco): A hippie who died trying to huge a bear while high as balls and Kitty's full counterpart, though the spaciness I buy more due to being a flower child and works better when you have more than two POC characters and two others who aren't idiots to ballance it out. Thor (Devan Chandler Long): Our Caveman replacement, instead being a viking and a LOT of fun: his talks were a LITTLE much at first but I grew to love the guy and his boisterious attitude and little comprehnsion of how much things have changed.

Hetty Woodstone (Rebecca Wisocsky): Fanny's counterpart. Basically just her but less obnoxious. So better.

Sappisis aka Sass (Román Zaragoza): a snarky lenape native american and a faviorite of mine. The one holding the braincell out of his ghosts Crash (Hudson Thames and Alex Bonello): A greaser and our counterpart to Humphrey. Far less prominent.

It's a lot I know, and even I mostly kept up with them by their perfession or personality.

Our human leads are easier to keep track of: For the UK version there's Allison Cooper (Charlotte Richie) and her husband Mike (Kiell Smith-Byone) and for the US we have Sam (IZOmbie's Rose McIver) and Jay (former rapper and almost Aaron Burr, Utkarsh Ambudkar) Arondekar.

And here's where our first big diffrence sets in as the reason for moving into the house is different: The Coopers are trying to FIND a home but having no luck as most flats they find are awful. The Arkondar's have one.. but Sam instantly sees the benefits of moving from a cramped city apartment to a luxrious mansion in the country.

The vibe between both couples is also different: Allison suggests renovating the mansion and Mike is all on board instantly, the two happily singing along to pop as they approach in one of the best gags of the pilot as it segues from them singing goofily and adorably to the outside of the car which has the standard "your going somewhere haunted" music cue you'd expect.

In contrast Jay.. is a bit more skeptical, seeing it as Sam jumping into this and not "holy fuck we got a mansion" and wanting to flip it without thinking.. maybe she wants to do this? Or that it's worth the risk? I get pointing out how much of a money pit this idea is.. but it's also hard to like him when he's often dismissive of his wife, only agreeing to the idea after she gets hurt. It made me like him more but ther'es a genuiness to mike that Jay just dosen't have in these early episodes. Mike is more of a lovable goofus and has more chemistry with his wife. I'll say this with the caveat it might get better with time and early episodes of a series can be awkward, but Mike was the clear winner of the two. Both share the doomed ambition that they can fix an ancient house that hasn't been updated in years with the power of google and some power tools, it just fits Mike more to buy him as that overconfident.

The ghosts are happy to have new owners at first... but things turn sour once both couples plan to turn it into a bnb. So in both versions the ghosts plan is to simply haunt them out with what limited powers they have. The US version does take better advantage of this as each of the ghosts has a little trick they can do: Trevor can move stuff (as can jullian) but only with IMMENSE effort, Alberta can make sound heard, passing through the captain makes you smell smoke etc. The bbc show does use the levitation and passing thorugh thing but just not nearly as much or for as much great comedy as Jay and Sam barely notice or like it. Simple gag, but one that works.

So it's here things take a turn. Now in the US versoin, Trevor's attemtps to move a vase finally work.. but all it does is get Sam to trip on it seriously injuring her and making all the ghosts regret their actions. It's a nice humanizing moment for them, to show they didn't want to KILL anyone, just have some peace.

Allison also falls out a window.. but it's less of an accident and more of an intentional. See you know how I don't like Julian? Well while part of it is him just

Unlike Trevor his harming sam is not only very intentional.. IT'S A MURDER ATTEMPT. He tries to SHOVE HER OUT A WINDOW

Yeah the rest of the ghosts think so too and all hound him over it, NONE OF THEM having wanted this and it makes it hard to really take his presence: HE TRIED MURDERING THE MAIN CHARACTER because it was easier to kill her.. forgetting she both might join them and not exactly be happy she was murdered, and that her dying dosen't solve the problem. Mike would still be around and as we find out he can't sell the place, more on that in a moment, and even if he COULD.. it'd just mean someone ELSE wanting to make it into a hotel or outright tear the building down leaving them without their nice giant fancy house and instead in an office building or a big new mansion or something. I don't question this from a plot standpoint as well.. Julian is a politican. They dont' think shit through, and we get the great scene of him trying to politc his way out of actually admitting to it and it not remotely working, so it works a little.. but it's also something the series apparently ignores till much later for understandable reasons.

At any rate both the accidental near muder and the very intentional near muder have the same result: sam returns, the ghosts are mildly relived.. and she notices the buisness douche in the room among the contractors they brought in. She can see them and both Allison and Sam end the episode screaming as the sight of their roomates.

So the next episode which MOSTLY has the same plot... but there's one exception. The british version has a subplot where Fanny has night terrors and jumps off the balcony every night, reliving her death. Julian is pissed about this.. because she keeps waking him up as the balcony is in his room

Both ladies of the house have a subplot where the husband is trying to do dyi repairs, and accidently destroys a wall, leaving them unwiling roomates with Kitty or Flower depending on the version.

So with Sam and Allison seeing ghosts their respective husbands advice to her having possible concussion ghosts? Why taking a tip from mr paul anka of course: Just don't look. If you ignore a head injury it will go away!

And this is another reason I don't like Jay so much as while both husbands give the same life threatening advice, Jay comes off a lot more condesencding. He's not full on "Oh you women and your emotoins you just need a hair cut" levels of punchable, but he's still very "Your wrong sweetie" levels of punchable. Mike on the other hand while also not a doctor and not taking his wife to one, at least seems more calm, patient and compassionate.

The episode goes about the same as the ghosts now realize they can run a war of attrition with their respective soldier ghosts leading the charge. The Captain fits this kind of thing better, and I also love how he's stopped: Allison gets the tv hooked up and he gets super horny for tanks. They do a similar gag in the us with thor and vikings, which is neat, but I like the original a smidge better. It's fucked up in a way that works.

We also get one of the ghosts researching themselves, Julian in the UK and Isaac in the us, on the husband's laptop and the husband having no idea what he's doing DIYing. We do get Mike singing to himself which is glorious.

The ghosts basically spend their time annoying Allison or Sam , my favorite from either version being Mary just saying GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT over and over.. probably meaning Sam will never watch get out. Thanks a lot Mary. You deprived her of a horror classic. I hope your satisfied.

Eventually Allison and Sam have enough and get their husbands to take them to the hospital. We get a great bit with Allison that I must've missed if they used it in the american version where she talks to a doctor about the ghosts.. who then reveals he's dead. It's a nice, simple way to show that no, her power is real, ghosts are real, and the actual doctor after, whose quite good accoding to ghost doc, confirms her brain is fine.

I do like the diffrent reactions and that instead of just having both ghost hosts be the same, their diffrent people. Same with the husbands though taking a functional couple and making them "we're oppsites ain't that wacky" which CAN work. I love me a good opposites attract. Exhibit "Thing I Watched Yesterday"

youtube

Those harmonies man. Also I couldn't review it this spookys eason but check back in February.

But here it's more for annoying tension than actual chemistry. Again this is with the caveat it CAN improve, the show has two full seasons, it seems like he gets the stick out of his ass as it goes, but for these two episodes it's a lot.

Anyways those reactions: Sam is excited and being peppy decides to kindly approach the ghosts and ask what they want. They.. prefer this and begrudingly accept the new status quo and getting help.

Allison.. takes a bit more of a blunt approach. She TRIES to leave.. but their hooked in for tons of debt as while he's ace in every other department.. Mike just "skimmed" the contract for their loans. Mike come on....

He's Mike. So Allison, fed up, just has him pull over, and confronts her ghosts. Mike.. think's she's having a psychotic break, poor bean, but she stops him from calling a doctor , instead asking WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHERFUCKERS. The motherfuckers is strongly implied. The ghosts are taken aback by this.. and meekly give requests. Which are mostly reasonable: Fanny wants her husband's portrait removed from her room, The Captain wants an hour of tanks a week Pat just wants to say hello, and Julian wants his articles removed from google.. well okay from his perspective it's resonable. Allison at least can tell him ther'es nothing she can do. Thomas.. wants her to "Leave your husband for me and kill yourself" She does instantly shut that shit down, and his response of "To which part" as she just ignores him and moves on is hilaroius.

And thus both women settle in with their ghosts. I do like Allison just casually hanging with all of hers a bit better but it works. We also get both women helping with the boiler their husband was working on with the help of the mass of ghosts in the basement, with the same gag of them lying about how many there are down there.

Overall Ghosts in both versions... is excellent. The original is a bit funnier, likely due to looser censors but using most of it's adult content for jokes instead of screaming

Though it sometimes falls into it and some characters don't entirely work.

The remake's husband isn't nearly as charming and it plays it safer due to being on broadcast television, but it's ghosts are more charming in places and it still has the nice charm of the original and Rose McIver gives it her best. All in all... i'd recommend both shows. I'll probably go back to the uk one first though you'll have to find seasons 4 and 5 through.. other means in the us as none of the services you can buy the show from have them. Series 5 I get as it just aired, but Series 4? What? WhY? Why exactly?

At any rate this was fun and what I suspect will be one of the few of these where one version doesn't clobber the other. Thanks for reading and have a happy halloween

#ghosts #halloween #ghosts uk #ghosts us #Youtube

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noa-ciharu · 11 months

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Speaking of Eurovision...

As a fellow ESC watcher I would like to ask what your twelve all-time favourite ESC songs are and maybe explain why exactly these if you don't mind •////• 👉👈

And have a nice day~

Oh damn just 12? Thats too difficult 😭 If you don't mind instead I decided to pick a country and then select one of their best songs ♥️

Helena Papariziou - my number one (Greece 2005). Maybe it's just nostalgia, but to me this is Eurovision-est eurovision song that ever won. Fast rhythm, very Greek vibes, catchy tune, nice choreography and voice, what's not to like?

Hari Mara Hari - Lejla (BiH 2006). What to say, beautiful ballad in native language, very powerful voice, in my honest opinion this song should have won back in 2006. But then again, I'm a fan of his music so maybe I'm just biased

Go_A - Shum (Ukraine 2021). What every country should do: send a mix of folklore and modern music in native language. Honestly if I had to choose a country that overal has best entries without a doubt it'll be Ukraine, they never disappoint. What's hard to choose actually is which song of theirs was the best. I can't decide but Go_A's Šum definitely goes into top 3. Also in begging everyone listen to Shady Lady, their 2008's entry

Conchira Wurst - Rise like a Phoenix (Austria 2014). Hands down one of best ballads in English sent in last 20 years. Definitely a deserved win, no matter what public at that time said cuz of her appearance. The 'but I'm gonna fly' part never fails to give me goosebumps. I feel like that song could be trans anthem

Elena Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia 2015). The classic. Very simple yet striking duet, idk how to describe it but there's something rly captivating about the song. Ans they look like they're so in love 🥺

Can Bonomo - Love me back (Turkey 2012). Add to endless list of songs that should have won over Euphoria 🙄 it's a very unique song, very catchy too. Also this is the last year Turkey took part in esc :< I miss their performances 😭

Željko Joksimović - Lane Moje and No name - Zauvjek Moja (Serbia & Montenegro 2004 and 2005) - I tried to choose only one but couldn't ;-; that's how 00s music on Balkan was like, it fills me with nostalgia. Sadly national song content in 2006 was one of reasons why union between two countries collapsed so it's more of pensive nostalgia for people here

Anxhela Peristeri - Karma (Albania 2021). This song was criminally underrated 2 years ago :< powerful ballad, perfect voice, strong tune - idk why she didn't rank higher? Albania always sends good song in their language and gets little points, it's unfair :/

Charlotte Perrilli - Hero (Sweden 2008). Yes I can't believe I'm saying this but there is an underrated swedish entry. I've hear this one back in 2008 and it stick with me ever since. Catchy 00s pop song

Andromache - Ela (Cyprus 2022). This one didn't even qualify ;-; honestly it was one of my faves from last year but it was so obvious she was nervous on stage. Plus song isn't really much of Eurovision material so I sort of understand why she didn't qualify but I adored the song nonetheless 🥰 love hearing Greek language

Dima Bilan - Never let you go (Russia 2006). His voice 🥺 song is so beautiful idk what to say really beside I'm an absolute fan (plus that imma go dig up more of his music). I do like Believe from 2008 too but prefer this song

Paula Seling & Ovi - Playing with fire (Romania 2006). What to say, very catchy song, I like it alot. Love them 90s vibes. Defo one of best Romania sent in last 20 years

Toše Proeski - Life (Macedonia 2004). Alright, I feel like I've bored life out of everyone with Crno i Belo from 2012 so time to bring another underappreciated Macedonian entry. You don't understand, this man was a legend in ex Yu countries 🥺💔 still is to this day

Cascada - Glorious (Germany 2013). Shes one of my fave 00s pop icons, imagine my delight when I heard she's on eurovision 😭 her songs are my childhood ♥️ I just wish she ranked better, idk why only 22th place for such amazing song

Doris Dragović - Marija Magdalena (Croatia 1999). Absolutely best Croatia ever sent, powerful voice, catchy tune, native language - absolutely perfect song in all terms

Alexander Rybak - Fairytale (Norway 2009). One of rare winners I 100% agree with. Violin is amazing there as well as his voice. Breath of fresh air into song context with mixture of traditional and modern I'd say

Monika Liu - Sentimentai (Lithuania 2022). So underappreciated 😭 the style, the elegance, the simplicity, the catchy tune - idk why she didn't get more points tbh

Sirusho - Qele qele (Armenia 2008). As someo3n said in comments - everyone over 18 on Balkan knows this song and that's the case with me too 😂 ethnic flavor, catchy rhymes, one of that years faves for sure

I think I covered around 13-14 counties here, especially some from eastern and central Europe that might get underappreciated. Maybe one day when/if I have time I could choose my fave song from all 50ish European countries (if I'm insane enough)

#thanks for ask #at the end of the day yes i still dislike Eurovision for all that political bs and rigged jury #but i love it first and foremost because of music and culture #eurovision

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dommi-griffi · 2 years

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2p and 1p England Imagines - Compare and Contrast (Pt. 2)

(Absolutely no one asked for a second Compare and Contrast between the 1ps and 2ps, but it's doing so well that I figure some people might actually yk, like it!)

Link to Part one: 2p and 1p America Imagines - Compare and Contrast

Gen info:

-Arthur has Depression

-Oliver is a Narcissist

- both are trans, Arthur is afab and uses He/Him pronouns, Oliver is amab and uses He/They!

1p England = Arthur Kirkland

2p England = Oliver (Ollie) Kirkland

Sealand = Peter

Sweden = Berwald

Finland = Tino

2p America = Allen

(TW: probably mentions of Cannibalism and depression)

General info: canonical ages, look like in their twenties, etc, (you get the gist)

Appearances:

Arthur has shaggy blonde hair that poofs up when humid. He has naturally dark eye bags that make him look chronically tired (tm), his posture usually depends on his mood but he generally tries to remember the etiquette he has learned over the centuries, when confident you can tell. Very posh looking posture and haughty to the bone. When he's feeling down he slouches easily and usually keeps his hands in his pockets. His aesthetic and clothing choice is either 80's grunge, or dark Academia, no in-between. He has his (thick) eyebrow pieced on his left side, his septum, and his ears pierced. He usually wears little diamond studs. He has a crown tattooed on his ankle. Has the very generic 'posh' english accent.

Ollie has strawberry blonde hair he sometimes dyes pastel pink! He usually takes a flat-iron and curls it up to be puffy- he gets inspiration for his hair from the 'fluffy altboy hairstyles' tag on Pinterest. He has a face FULL of freckles but they make him so self conscious he usually covers them up all together. His posture is either extremely bouncey and happy go lucky, to the point he almost literally skips instead of walks, or he's very deflated, will walk with a hunched back and slow steps (think of Pinky Pie's mood drops, yk?). His aesthetic is nearly Pastel Goth/soft boy, but primarily light Academia based. He uses clip on earings when he wants them because he's terrified of needles. And has that very boisterous Cockney-English accent.

Personality:

Arthur is a very fiery spirit but likes to appear he's calm and collected. Will absolutely do any dare but will call you an idiot for it the entire time. Man's has a lot of wisdom but is quick to anger, has a short temper for people who are ignorant. His anger never gets physical but usually manifests as a manic/depressive episode. He cares a lot how others perceive him and has a lot of self-doubt since his glory days of being a global super power came to an end. He has seasonal depression that actually starts in the summer (around July 4th, you understand why). He loves children but isn't terribly patient with them, can't spend more than a a few days with Peter before he sends him back to Berwald and Tino.

Oliver is usually very high-spirited, but honestly this guy is a little off his rocker in a not good way. He has a terrible problem with his self image and how he appears to others and tries very hard to come off as a doting, caring, whimsical character when he's mainly very brash and honest to the point he comes off rude without meaning to. He will go as far as manipulating you into believing he is these things by using tactics like guilt-tripping and villanizing himself to victimize himself. "I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, not many people ever do. So I'm glad you don't, because I wouldn't be able to deal with myself if you didn't like who I was." (Yk) arguably the darkest of all the 2ps in my opinion. Which is why I love his character so much. He doesn't have very many redeeming qualities and he knows it. He's also very easy to anger, but doesn't react violently (at first). His anger manifests as sobbing and crying to help get sympathy on his side, ESPECIALLY during an argument. When he notices that fails he will resort to a violent tantrum that sometimes ends up with a new batch of his secret ingredient cupcakes. (I'm still running with the idea he's a cannibal who forces cannibalism - which is why Allen is vegan). Pretends to like kids buy as soon as one doesn't do exactly as he says he can't stand their presence. Being a narcissist means he has to have control over his own life and those he's close to because they affect his life too.

Likes and Dislikes:

Arthur really likes shows like Doctor Who and Merlin

Oliver prefers anything related to Alice in Wonderland, and Hannibal

Arthur (canonly) can't cook or bake. But he makes really good teas.

Oliver is a amazing baker and owns his own bakery. But cannot cook to save his life.

In school Arthur preferred English and Social studies! Especially writing and reading as well as learning History (he's lived like 90% of it but he likes to make sure that people tell it accurately.

Oliver preferred Chemistry and physics. There's a lot of Chemistry in baking as well as making the drugs he laces his food within order to, aquire new ingredients if you know what I mean.

Arthur loves music and poetry, he loves writing both and will sing for you if you ask him.

Oliver hates swearing. He thinks it makes people look dirty and trashy which are terms he's tried escaping his whole life as he grew up on the streets A LOT. But thanks to that Ollie has a lot of street smarts that work out in his favor but against his victims.

They will not get along. Not even a little. Very very hard to deal with when together because they know exactly how to get under each other's skin.

Both practice magic and witchcraft!

Arthur leans more towards manifestations and tarot readings rather than spells and potions and such. He wishes he could perform actual rituals and séances but it simply is not his brand of magic.

Oliver is the opposite! He specializes in Dark and Black magic. Performs blood rituals and sex magic (though he's a total prude if he likes a person he actually wants to sleep with and will get very flustered if they ask. But he doesn't have a problem going to a bar and picking up someone to perform a sex ritual with). He I'd an expert at Glamor spells and potions.

Arthur has been on T for a LONG time and was able to get Keyhole top surgery thanks to his small chest!

Oliver has been on a very low dose of estrogen for a while and sometimes likes to wear sports bras under his shirts just because he enjoys how they feel!

(Let me know if you want more! I'll likely post more whether you ask me to or not lol. Might add to this one specifically in the future!)

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spicycoffeebean · 1 year

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If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.” is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

#SO YEAH IF YALL WERE WONDERING HOW I WAS DOING LOL #Please feel free to ask more on the matter #I may use all of this to construct an essay explaining to the rest of my family why I'm never going home #ON TOP OF THAT #i asked her 'will you refer to me as a man'#her response was 'no that would be lying'#so if yall wondering why im in a persistently shitty mood its bc my family abandoned me #i couldnt go home for christmas for the last two years #i almost spent this last year of christmas by myself. but i was invited by a coworker bc he knew i would be alone #don't mask or change who you are to please a family that wont love who you truly are #there are people out there who love you.#any fellow lgbtq+ followers youre more than welcome to message me if youre struggling #i will be your new dad #dai's mahjong puns #text #asks #long post /#transphobia #ask to tag #literally none of it felt real #i love my mom. i do. she's not a 'bad' person. shes just FUCKING STUPID #anonymous #anon

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kara-is-a-cutie · 2 years

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What in the hell happened over in Sweden, it’s like the voters gave foxes control of the henhouse over there; I’m fucking nervous for yall over here in America considering we have elections in a month and a half and there’s a high chance that it’ll be a shitty day for us too

Apologies in advance, I ended up going on a whole ass rant lol

The same thing that happened in the US in 2016 is happening for us now, we're just lucky that we're not in essentially a two party system like y'all are. People are tired of the establishment and scared due to the recent gang violence and thus are voting for the party that seems different in hopes something will change.

People forget and/or ignore that since the left got back into power the right has stopped them at every step and forced them to follow a right wing budget and go on to complain that they haven't done any of the things they promised. A lot of our issues pre pandemic and Ukrainian war also stem from the 8 years when the right were in power, but as you're probably familiar, the right loves blaming the left for their own incompetence. The leftist part have also fucked themselves and the left block over by being uncooperative until just recently. The Swedish Democrats (SD), a party formed by literal Nazis, are in regards to their worker's rights politics quite close to the Social Democrats (S) which has made it easy for many voters to switch sides. I don't have an issue with this part of SD's politics, the issues arise when it comes to ppl of colour, women, queer ppl etc. They've had openly bigoted people in their party, some of them who have proudly touted being neonazis, for most of their history they've been anti queer rights and even now when they've started accepting gay and trans ppl they still refuse to respect and acknowledge the Q in LGBTQ. They've talked about setting the limit for abortion at 12 weeks instead of the current 18 and many of their party members misogynistic.

The one saving grace with them is that they don't want to be in charge, at least not fully. They're the second biggest party in Parliament currently, but their leader has already said he doesn't wish to be stateminister (although they want a few positions in a right wing government). I'm quite sure this is because they know they do best as the opposition. As long as they're the ones criticising the people in power they look strong, but the few times they've held any level of government they've failed and at least once bankrupted the county they governed.

Then we got the other conservative party Kristdemokraterna (Christ Democrats KD) whose current leader Ebba Busch is a convicted criminal who is out on probation. She committed slander, plead guilty to it and then went out in the press and said that while she plead guilty, she believes herself innocent which I believe ended up getting her in even more trouble. Since RvW was overturned she's insisted her party isn't pro life, but many of the top ranking politicians in her party have said very much the opposite throughout the years, including her if I remember correctly. Simply put they're self righteous hypocrites, but I doubt that surprised anyone.

There's so much more fuckery and I worry about what rights we may lose and how many young men of colour will be murdered by the police in the next 4 years. We're heading into darker times and I fear for us all.

#ask #ask kara

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tilbageidanmark · 1 year

Video

Movies I watched this Week #106 (Week 2 of year 3):

“Three great abstract artists died in 1944: Wassily Kandinsky, Piet Mondrian and Hilma von Klint”.

Even though it’s only the second week of January, I already discovered one of my favorite documentaries of 2023: Beyond The Visible - Hilma af Klint. Like Vivian Maier, Hilma was a female genius who lived in obscurity her whole life and left behind a body of work that equals and surpasses most of her contemporaries. Discovered 70 years after her death, she is now considered perhaps Sweden’s most important artist - ever. This astounding biography details her groundbreaking legacy, as well as her extraordinary life. The first abstract artist of the modern area, all her 2,500 painting and voluminous notebooks of 250,000 pages miraculously remained intact. She was also a mystic, a spiritualist, a feminist and a vegetarian. Until our age, history was busy erasing all traces of female participation from its re-telling. Hers is one happy reversal.(Slideshow Above).

I saw an exhibition of her large canvases at the Tel Aviv Museum in 2019 and they were awe-inspiring. 10/10.

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High maintenance, another biographical documentary. About the great Israeli sculptor and environmental artist Dani Karavan, known for his large site-specific monuments. It followed him around before his death at 90, as he travels to some European locations of his earlier, magnificent memorials, and as he re-assess his art. An uncompromising and head-strong artist with angry political views who had no patience for fools or fascists. He was also dealing with declining acuity and memory loss during that time. With Wim Wenders. The opening scene. 7/10.

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Hit the road, an unforgettable Iranian road movie written and directed by Panah Panahi, Jafar Panahi’s son, in his feature debut. There are four people driving, but we don’t know who they are or where they are going and why. One of them is a precarious six-year old, the driver does not speak much, and the parents behave strangely. Slowly we discover more about them, but the background story goes unexplained.

It’s best to watch this without knowing more. By the heartbreaking end we are completely captivated. The trailer discloses too much.

The acting of the little boy is probably one of the best child acting I’ve ever seen. 9/10 - Best film of the week.

🍿

"...Even with my eyes wide open, I can't see anything..."

Zaitochi is a traveling blind swordsman, one of Japan’s longest film series. The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (2003) is my first Zaitochi film, and my third by actor-director Takeshi Kitano. A tribute to the Samurai films of the 60′s, it is full of rivers of blood spraying all over whenever somebody is stabbed and killed, which is all the time. Also, including a subplot of a cross-dressing, maybe trans, geisha. It ends with a joyful and lengthy community tap dancing party.

🍿

First watch: “Tony, do you ever think about death? - Fuck off!”

The coming of age British Billy Elliot about an 11-year-old coal miner’s son who discovers that he loves ballet. A period piece about class, grief & masculinity. The boy who play Billy was wonderful. 9/10.

🍿

Another first watch: Before Sunrise, the first part of Richard Linklater’s ‘Before Trilogy’. A romantic story of two young people who meet on a train bound for Vienna. An interesting, minimalist concept that I didn’t love, because I couldn’t feel the connection between immature cynic Ethan Hawke and stereotypical-‘sweet’ French blond Julie Delpy. I wish they were played by other people. I will watch an updated version of this with more persuasive actors. Should I watch the other two parts?

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2 by Zhang Yimou:

🍿 Raise the red lantern, the epic saga from the Chinese Warlord Era, tells a tragic story of a young ‘fourth Mistress’ to a very wealthy patriarch. The magnificent Gong Li and the other three concubines cannot leave the palace. They must wait each in their own opulent quarters until the master of the house (whose face is never seen) calls on the one he chooses to spend the night with. Restrained, tradition-bound and transgressive. 8/10.

🍿 So I wanted to revisit a couple more of Yimou’s masterpieces, ‘Red Sorghum’, or ‘Qiu Ju’ or ‘To live’. Unfortunately, I picked instead his first English-language film The Great Wall, thinking, well, it was co-written by Tony Gilroy, it co-starred Andy Lau and Willem Dafoe, it was the most expensive Chinese movie ever produced, Etc. But it was a horrible disappointment. It’s a weak cartoon fantasy for young males about two mercenary amigos fighting an army of millions CGI alien monsters. Part of the trend to create spectacular Hollywood blockbusters which cater to the Chinese marketplace, the movie made $335 million and still lost money. 1/10 piece of shit. That’s why I don’t like and don’t watch special effect action movies.

🍿

2 by Ernst Lubitsch:

🍿 “Pure hooey!…”

Design for Living, a pre-code screwball comedy about - let’s face it - an explicit a ménage à trois between bohemian Gary Cooper, Fredric March, and Miriam Hopkins. That Hopkins was a modern, open-minded woman who wants to love and have sex with both men was a rarity and a delight.

🍿 His classic romantic comedy The shop around the corner, the original concept used later in ‘You’ve got mail’. It’s interesting how much appeal was there in Hollywood of that time to wax nostalgic about Austro-Hungarian life, and the reverence toward the class of the shopkeeper, aka, business owner .

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Miss April ("Fröken April”), a lighter-than-air Swedish comedy from 1958 directed not by Ingmar Bergman but by one Göran Gentele. It features some venerable actors like Jan Kulle, Per Oscarsson and especially Gunnar Björnstrand who stars as an aristocratic, stuffy older banker (who, let’s face it, never “been in love” i.e. “never had sex”) and who falls for a cute, young ballet dancer. Silly & childish, and as enjoyable as a trip down memory lane to a sunny world that doesn’t exist any more. 7/10.

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2 with Gregory Peck, Robert Mitchum and Martin Balsam:

🍿 The original Hitchcockian 1962 Cape fear, with a sinister score by Bernard Herrmann. An uncomfortable story of threat and terror. The word “rape” and the act itself were not explicitly seen, but strongly felt as the middle class fear that a crazed psychotic sexual stalker is coming for our young daughters. 5/10.

🍿 Rabid Martin Scorsese made the 1991 Cape Fear remake more menacing, his buff, tattooed rapist Max Cady more maniacal and the whole story much more sadistic. The best element for me was the re-done score, and the anti-lawyers message. 4/10.

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Assholes: A Theory, a Canadian documentary film, based on a book by professor of philosophy Aaron James. An asshole "allows himself to enjoy special advantages in social relations out of an entrenched sense of entitlement that immunizes him against the complaints of other people." Even though it was made in 2019, and touched upon many political, sociological & psychological trends, it didn’t mention even once the biggest asshole of them all.

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The Matador, an unconvincing crime thriller starring Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear. An unlikely friendship between two vastly different men, a milquetoast middle-class salesman and a burnt-out assassin who meet at a hotel bar in Mexico City. A male fantasy of what a life of a contract hit man is. 4/10.

🍿

4 Vimeo-type Shorts:

🍿 In Ruby, an elderly Irish couple, Len and Ruby, celebrate their 40th anniversary. Len has a history of of odd and outlandish gifts. Ruby hopes that this year will be different and that he'll arrange something "nice and normal".

🍿Sister, a different, Oscar-Nominated Stop-Motion Animation by young Chinese director Siqi Song. About being a single child. The figures are made out of wool.

🍿 “If Tuvsho was a superhero, this would be her origin story." I Am Tuvsho, a short Mongolian documentary about a female sumo wrestler.

🍿 School Portrait, Directed by Nick Scott, about a school photographer in a bad mood.

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Bobcat Goldthwait’s satirical indie World's Greatest Dad started well but ended in a mess. Robin Williams is an amateur novelist with a rotten teenager son. But then this sex-obsessed, nasty kid auto-asphyxiate while masturbating, and father covers it up as a ‘regular’ suicide. What a perverted premise. Too bad it didn’t work. 3/10

🍿

After discovering Coraline last week, I decided to watch the parody of it on The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror XXVIII (29S 4E). Somehow edgy (because of Halloween?...). Including similar parodies of The Exorcist, Sausage party, and self-cannibalism trops. Alrighty then!

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Throw-back to the art project:

Chinese princess (还珠格格 HuanZhuGeGe) Adora

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(My complete movie list is here)

#movies

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lily-orchard-gossip-blog · 2 years

Text

Submission: Transcript of Lily's Harley Quinn video, part 1 *season 3 spoilers

I put the stream in a app that transcribes text. There’s lots of mistakes because the audio wasn’t clean and Lily cutting the audio whiledditing. I tried correcting some of it but there’s still mistakes left, and if something is missing it is because of the audio cuts in the original stream.

The text is super long so I'llsubmitt it in parts:

Okay, so I fucking love the Harley Quinn show. After me and Mikaila were orbiting around it for a while, trough the Eat Bang Kill Tour, I’ve finally decided to just give it a watch one day when I was bored and lying in bed and thinking about the sheer dread of being terminally stalked and harassed content creator, people will always take stabs at for sadistic glee no matter how much time has passed.

A/N: She does a speed cut montage of her stalkers’ accusations over her current depressed profile picture. Text includes:

-bitter exes

-angry conservatives

-loosers on KF

-SU stans still having a meltdown

-Brony pedos

-Wrynn simps

-porn addics

-C//A stans

-literally just nazis

-if I was a straight white male I wouldn’t get nearly this much vitriol thrown at me

-I was raped by these freak of fucking nature

-and swatted by my abusive ex

-if I didn’t have a platform I’d be another MMID

-all this about cartoons and fake made up shit about Sweden

-that’s what all this cruelty is really about

-I’m not an abuser

-I’m not a puritan

-I did not write Stockholm

-G did not rape C!Lily

-Aliana is not a blood purity fascist

-I don’t have secret accounts on furry websites

-I don’t prey on minors

-I’m just a mouthy trans woman

-and that’s all these people are really fucking mad at

-because I said their precious fashy cartoonists were bad

-and they’ve been having a violent, hateful tantrum for years over it

-If you’re still mad about SU just fucking die and quit being a burden to the res tof us

And you know what, it was quite qood. I dare say it was probably the best thing to have come out of Batman in a long time, though Eat, Bang, Kill is still better. I don’t have a trough line, I’m just gonna gush.

Let’s not mince words, I mean – they have it, they don’t just say they’re going to have it. I didn’t check out the show until clips from the third season of Ivy and Harley being adorably sapphic started coming out, and I was “yeah, I’ll give that a look”, and the whole show was fucking amazing.

This is the first time in a long time I’ve been interested in anything to do with Batman. After the entire franchise went grim-dark and edgy, it’s been the single most miserable pile of shit in the whole god damned n the world, but this, oh this is beautiful.

Let’s start with the selling point, Harley and Ivy have a really good arc from season to season. In season one they are friends while Harley struggles to geto ver the Joker. In season 2, Harley realises she’s in love with Ivy, all the while Ivy is about to get married to Kite Man. And in season 3 they are together and just being the most sapphic couple ever.

I thought the first two seasons were going to be a slog, but they’re actually very well paced. In the first season Harley’s struggling to get over the Joker. The Joker actually leaves her for dead in the first episode, after being broken out of jail by Ivy, she rushes straight back to him only to get betrayed again. -thinks she’s done with him, only to relapse a third time and is betrayed almost immediately, and that’s the point where the lesson is driven into her skull, that she needs to be done with this clown. The interesting part about this however, is that by the time of the third relapse, her friends are furious with her. Like, they’ve spent all this time trying to get her away, but she keeps running back to him.

A/N: She shows the clip where Harley is pleading to Ivy about her needing to understand why she went to the Joker, while Ivy tells her she’s done with trying to help Harley. But she cuts out the part where Harley is trying to explain to her friends that she didn’t go to the Joker to be back together with him, but to ask him for help trying to safe her friends.

It’s something that isn’t touched upon very much. People who have a tendency to rush back to their abuser, are often doing so at the expense, time and emotional labour of the people that love them. You can’t really help someone who refuses to help themself. I think it’s a really good wake up call for Harley to see who really matters to her. It might seem cruel to some people, but at the end of the day you can’t help people at your own detriment. It’s something I have experienced myself, I have ended at least two friendships over the fact, that the people involved were content to put themselves in bad situations, and worrying about them all the time started affecting my health. One of them was contemp *audio cuts off* -so I feel very seen by Ivy here. She’s just, had enough.

It doesn’t stay that way very long, a few episodes later Harley comes to Ivy’s rescue her, and things are good between them again, but the fact that Harley abandoned her when she helps- stays with Ivy until the res of the season, while her relationship with Kite Man gets more serious – be a better friend, but as the chaos in Gotham amps up, she realizes doesn’t want to just be a good friend to Ivy, she wants to be with her. She even gives up the chance to rule the world, because it’s not what she actually wants and confesses her feeling immediately after. Ivy turns her down, because she’s afraid of getting her heart broken. At this point Harley just kinda gives up and tries to be the best friends to Ivy as she can, until she gets a pep talk about not giving up on Iva from the Joker from all people.

*she plays the clip of it*

#submission #harley quinn season 3 spoilers #spoilers

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gate4043 · 11 days

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Content Warning: Death in childbirth, transphobia

Gone.

"I'm sorry I left you with such a burden. Your life is a miracle, and if you're reading this, it was one I never got to witness. I have so much I want to say to you. So much I want you to know. The thought alone for me is painful. I'm sorry." Olive sat on the bench on the front porch, and their uncle brought them out a cup of tea. A wagtail flew down, poked at the grass growing through the cracks in the bricks, and then flew off again as Olive sipped. "So... yeah," Olive said, "I want to know about my mother."

It was the 40's. I was in Sweden, I was on my way to see a doctor who said he could help me. The laws had only recently been changed, and I'd been on a waiting list for far too long. I had some trouble getting around; I always wanted to go, but I never learned the language. I mean, I tried learning Japanese once, and god damn was the Kanji difficult. But yeah, I went in and they told me they could do it, and I cried, I cried for days I was so happy. Sorry this isn't very informative. I'd hoped to tell you in person, but I was always a rambler anyway so I hope this catches some of that energy.

"We didn't hang out a lot. She was a bit of a shut-in, you know, she was basically teetotal, she never drank, she never smoked, she didn't even like coffee or tea that much. I don't know if there's much to tell." Olive nodded, "She wrote me about that. She said she didn't like the thought of things that altered her mental state. That she needed a bit of control." Olive's uncle laughed, "God, she was too much like mum. That's not a good thing, by the way... Don't talk to your grandma." "She said that too. Though she said it's because she'd be a jerk." "Yeah, that's mum for you."

It was all over the news, the entire planet was outraged. The religious crowd really had it out for me, we'd get protests every day. Calling me a sinner, calling me a crime against god. I wasn't religious. Don't be religious. I mean, you can be if you want, I'm not going to stop you, I support whatever decisions you make, but throughout my life I've seen no reason to believe in a higher power. Well, except maybe you, though, and I'm gonna be totally clear with you here, if you turn out to be some arsehole who goes around spreading hate all the time, I will disown you from the grave. Be better than that. Learn all the angles, don't rush in, figure people out. Then, when you're good and ready, don't make accusations, don't make assumptions, make deductions and keep them to yourself until they matter. Let them change with new information. Don't... I'm rambling again aren't I. The church wanted me dead. Mum wanted me... well, she wanted you dead, she stayed bitter. Don't talk to mum.

Olive put their tea down by their foot. "Do you think she'd like me?" Their uncle sighed. "I think she'd find you annoying. Every time I visit you, you do something that would make her cringe. You love dogs, you love the zoo, you hate cats. You put tomato sauce on everything, you hug people after you paint, you play shrill, loud instruments in the morning, and you like sophisticated dramas she'd never watch." Olive bowed their head, "Oh..." "She'd love you. She'd fucking adore you. She would make you her entire world and then some. I think she proved that when she had you. Trans women don't just give birth, you know. It still rarely happens today."

I think Elon Musk tweeted about me. He was some shithead, you don't have to worry about him -- don't look him up he's gross -- but he was like some famous billionaire transphobic piece of crap. I got so many phone calls from mum being like "you're going to die, I don't want my baby to die, I don't want you to do this"... She deadnamed me in all of them. I'd been on estrogen twenty odd years. I'd known who I was even longer. I don't even know how she got my number. But, yeah. I want you to be happy. I don't want that for you. I can't guarantee it, but I want you in a place where you can grow into yourself. It's gonna take a long time for the world to change. If you end up any flavour of trans, things are gonna be especially difficult. I don't want to put you in danger but I have just by existing. I'm really sorry for that.

Olive gathered the mugs and headed back inside with their uncle. "I feel like every time I read what she wrote, I don't really learn much about her," They said, "Thanks. This has been kind of helpful." Their uncle laughed, "I barely knew anything. We just bonded over cartoons and video games. She'd be proud of you though." "What, because I was non-binary?" "No, idiot, she'd be proud of you for living your life." Olive smiled.

#transgender #writing exercise #cw death #cw transphobia #trans fiction #trans pride #meow #trans fem

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sissytobitch10seconds · 3 months

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And What Would They Say?

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Luther and Viktor have been sneaking around for so long that they know how to do it like they're the experts in the field. Now, things have gotten a little bit more complicated. Warnings: Mentions of underage sex, teenage pregnancy, trans male pregnancy, and canon-typical child abuse Word Count: 5,134 Ship(s): Luther Hargreeves/Viktor Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: These two are so cute and I don't think that there's nearly enough of them out there. This idea specifically was something that I came to with my mutual and then altered a little bit when I started writing. It's short and just trying to get down into the world, but I hope you guys like it! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Throughout the month of October many years ago, a man named Reginald Hargreeves had scoured the world while looking for children that had immaculate conceptions and immediate births. Several tales of women that had endured the terrifying ordeal had become the focus of almost every news broadcast in every country that had the ability to get information from their neighbors. He had ended up collecting seven.

Afterwards, he had created a ranking system. He was able to assess the abilities that the children had when he adopted them and had given them numbers when the purchases went through, usually about six months afterwards. While he was assessing their abilities he was also able to reason through the other traits that they would begin to display as they developed and how that would help him in the plan that he was already creating.

The first child was a little boy from Sweden. Conveniently, he also ended up being the one that would lead the team he was creating. The boy was named Number One on the birth certificate that Reginald had acquired after they returned to the United States. His abilities involved superhuman strength and durability. He could withstand something as heavy as a bookcase being dropped on him when he was only eighteen months old and could lift the very same object as if he were picking up his favorite book from the floor. Reginald was optimistic that as he grew, he would develop a strong character and sense of moral belonging that would make him a good leader for his team.

The second child was a little girl from South Africa that had the ability to manipulate people with her voice. She wasn’t strong enough to be considered as the leader and she was too dangerous to be the second. If she wanted to overthrow Reginald then placing her as the second in command in the team would give her too much credit and would lead to something bad. So her birth certificate was labeled Number Three. High enough in the pecking order that no one would doubt her but not so high that she would be able to usurp the place of power that he already held.

The third child was a boy from Ireland. He had the ability to manipulate time and space around him. Reginald immediately noted that he was not going to encourage any kind of time shenanigans because of the threat that it gave to not only his plans, but his resolve to carry them all through. He knew that the ability to move around without any kind of effort would make him faster, smarter, and stronger than all of the others so he was given a low rank. It was very likely that he would grow to be self-assured or arrogant, depending on which attitude was fostered while he was raised. He was placed towards the end of the team to try and keep the ego in check while Reginald planned on stoking it so that it would lead to him not trying to prove himself. He would be known as Number Five.

The fourth child was a boy from South Korea. In his stomach was a monster unlike anything that Reginald had ever seen before, but after a bit of study he was able to figure out that instead of the monster living inside of him, he simply had the ability to open a portal in which the space that the monster resided. The only reason that it manifested out of his stomach instead of any other part of his body was because his torso was the largest part of him. The monster would either lead to him being the most powerful, and thus the most deadly, member of the team, or him being terrified of every single action that he took while he lived. His birth certificate was marked with a final Number Six.

The fifth child was another boy, this one from Mexico. It was harder to figure out what he could do because of the dexterity limits that came with human children before they learned fine motor control, but the ability to hold his breath under water for extended periods of time was noted immediately upon his retrieval. That was going to make him useful for gathering secrets, but the wielder of knowledge needed to be placed in a spot where he was always going to be doubting himself and his own abilities. Because the boy had weaker powers, even when his ability to control where things went after he threw them was discovered, he was placed in Number Two.

The sixth child was a boy from the United States. He was found in Pennsylvania amongst a community of Amish folk that were already declaring him the antichrist because his mother had suddenly wound up pregnant and birthed a child. That was only made worse when the baby appeared to reach out to people that did not exist and babbled to nothing. It was determined that his abilities were very powerful and he would be another gatherer of secrets, but there was only one place left to put him. Reginald determined, after realizing that the ability to talk to spirits would leave him unstable and thus he could not be considered a good second for the team despite his power, that he would be known as Number Four.

The last child appeared to be a girl upon first discovery, but later let it be known that he was, in fact, a boy. He was discovered in Russia in the arms of a girl that couldn’t be more than sixteen years old. The child had been running the family ragged as every scream that the baby let out shattered windows and threatened to bring down the heavy cement structure of their home. When Reginald gazed down at the newborn, he could sense the power that was radiating off of him like a nuclear reactor. He was wary of being able to train the child but decided that he was going to try. As a failsafe, he began to work on a drug that would cut off access to the powers for any of the children and named the little boy Number Seven.

---

Reginald Hargreeves had a ranking system, and it was more than the numbers that they had all long since thrown away. Everyone other than Five, that was, who had decided that numbers were just as good as names because they served the same purpose.

There was a chalkboard hanging in the hallway that lead from their bedrooms to the classrooms where they took their daily lessons. Each of their names, right next to their numbers, lined the top with thick tape lines between each of them. Underneath their names were dates and a number of tallies to signify which of them had earned the respect and love of their father that day. The tallies were given by all three of their guardians in a different color. Pogo had blue, Grace had yellow, and Reginald had red. It was unlikely for there to be any red marks on the board because most of their training and lessons were carried out by their other two guardians, but they were coveted and cherished when the color showed up in the tiny lines underneath their names.

Tallies and points could be earned for any number of things. Grace often gave them for a grade above a ninety percent on a test or a question answered right in class, though she would often accumulate a couple of chores that were done without being asked and then reward a point at the end of the week for them. Pogo gave points for things that they did during their training, like mastering a new skill before he had expected them to or finally being able to beat one of their classmates. Reginald only gave points when he noticed that one of them had done what they were told on a mission or decided that they were going along with the training of their powers better than he had expected.

Luther had the most points from their father, though Allison followed quickly behind him. Diego had the most points from Grace because he was basically glued to her side when he wasn’t doing other things around the house. Five had the most points from Grace after Diego because he was the most attentive in class, though Ben was edging very quickly after him. Ben had the most points from Pogo, but Klaus had a surprisingly high number from their teacher because the old ape took pity on the boy. Viktor had no points from Pogo or Reginald and never had, but he did have at least three points from Grace for being able to turn in his work on time.

He stood wordlessly in front of the grand chalkboard now, his mind counting up the groups of tallies under Luther’s name and then comparing them to his own. It was so strange to him that they had been ranked the way that they were, that they were being literally pitted against each other. He had the most free time and thus had read the most books out of all of his siblings, even if Ben read at night when his nightmares didn’t let him sleep. None of the stories that he had read ever showed the kind of family that he had, nor did they ever show parents pitting their children against each other in a good light.

“Viktor?” Five asked when he walked out of the classroom that he had been searching for his textbook in. The item was now tucked under his arm, but he barely seemed aware of it as he stared at his brother.

Viktor knew that he had been acting weird since the summer months had rolled around. He had figured that no one would notice because his siblings never paid any kind of attention to him, but it was looking more and more like he couldn’t have been more wrong. He jerked out of his thoughts and turned towards his brother with a nervous little smile, “Hey Five.”

“Why are you looking at the board? It’s not Friday,” Five pushed off of the door jam and then walked over so that they were standing side-by-side, their shoulders almost brushing together.

“I was just thinking, that’s all. It’s something to look at to keep that part of my brain busy, helps me process my thoughts,” he answered with a half-shrug. Five was his best friend in the entire world and had acted as his savior when they were young enough that they were all still actively picking on each other. He felt bad for having to keep his secret from the other boy, but he knew that it was crucial if his plan was going to work.

“What are you thinking about?” Five asked.

A drop of dread slowly slipped down Viktor’s spine so that he shuddered with fear. He didn’t know how he was supposed to answer that without spilling everything that he had been keeping so perfectly secret into the air in front of them. He didn’t have to, thankfully, because the mission bell rang.

Five rolled his eyes dramatically and then jabbed his finger into his best friend’s shoulder, “We’re going to talk about this when I get back, don’t think that this means you’re getting away this time.”

Viktor gave a very serious nod so that he could get the other teenager to leave him alone faster. As soon as the popping had dissipated from the hall and the air smelled like ozone, which it always did when Five used his powers, he took a deep beath to settle his nerves. He let his hand brush over the crest of his stomach for only a moment before he marched back down the hall to his bedroom.

He had been trying to make the place feel more like home since something had changed in his day-to-day schedule enough to wake him up. He had changed out the stark white bedding that had plagued his room for as long as he remembered so that it was a gentler blue. He had managed to convince Grace to let him paint the cinder blocks on one side of his room so that the space seemed brighter. He had a flower in a vase of water on his desk, sitting on top of some of the textbooks that he hadn’t touched since he was a Freshman. The wardrobe was the same as it always had been, but he had cleaned out the clothing that he was never going to wear so that he could store his violin and other musical supplies inside of it when he wasn’t using them. He had also moved a stool from the downstairs recreation rooms up to his room, positioning it in front of his window so that he had something akin to a window seat.

Viktor let out a small sigh as he tried to block out the sound of the siren that let the Academy members know they were supposed to be getting ready for a mission. He pressed a hand to his forehead above his brow as he tried to stave off the headache that was growing closer and closer to a migraine. He had been getting quite a few more migraines than he used to, but he supposed that it had something to do with his fluctuating hormones and the fall storms.

He sat down on the stool and leaned his head back against the brick while he counted down the minutes to when they would leave. The screeching of tires and the whooping of sirens signaled the cut off of the alarm, which plunged the house in the peaceful silence that he had been longing for.

Viktor was tired and wanted to take a nap, but he knew that the only thing that would lead to would be him sleeping all the way through dinner again. Skipping a meal was worse than being a little sleepy, he determined. He got his music stand and the piece that he had been practicing for his audition out of his closet and set them out. Their eighteenth birthday was tomorrow, which marked the day that he would legally be allowed to leave his home and make his own way in the world. He had been looking forward to that for some time, especially because it meant that he got to actually play music for people that wanted to hear him.

At least, that was what he was hoping was going to happen. There was a small voice in the back of his head that sounded an awful lot like Allison that told him that he wasn’t nearly as good as he thought he was. He was able to memorize music almost completely the second time after playing a piece and he thought that he could replicate the sounds of the musicians that Luther played on his record player, but he didn’t really have anything to compare it to. The idea that he wouldn’t get in with the orchestra that was going to be his ticket out of a home where he was ranked last in both birth and weekly points made him want to start crying, so he pushed the thoughts out of his mind almost immediately.

His ankles were hurting too badly for him to stand, so sat down on the top of the stool to practice sitting down. He placed his violin under his chin and then took a deep, settling breath as he began to guide the horsehair bow over the steal strings. His fingers pressed to each string in time and his brain flowed with the sound of the music.

He didn’t even realize that he had played all the way through the piece until his hand was buzzing and the callouses on the tips of his fingers ached with irritation. He had played every note exactly right and they had felt good to his own ears, even if he had gotten lost early. He set his bow down on the music stand and then placed the violin on the stool as he got up to collect another book. He startled when he saw a figure in the doorway, before his shoulders dropped in relief when he saw who it was.

“You’ve done a lot of work on that, it sounds really good,” Luther praised as he ducked through the doorway. He walked over to Viktor’s bed and sat down on the edge like it was the most natural thing in the world, like they didn’t have a huge discrepancy in their parents’ love hanging as a physical reminder in the hallway outside of their bedrooms.

“What are you doing here?” Viktor asked, placing his hands on his hips in a pale imitation of their mother when she was upset.

The other teenager didn’t answer, just reached out so that he was holding onto Viktor’s waist. He used the hold to bring him closer so that the smaller man was positioned between his knees, which made their faces level with each other. Viktor always felt so safe and protected when he was around Luther, like his size finally meant that it was easier for him to shield instead of making it basically thoughtless to shove to him to the side.

Luther pressed a kiss to Viktor’s cheek and then another on his jaw, before he reached his neck. “I got home from work a little bit early, they decided to close the cafe because there was a meeting happening in the back,” he explained between kisses.

“I still think that you’re working for the mob,” Viktor mumbled, though there was none of the usual grouch behind it. He was putty under the hands of the other and melting with the kisses, each one relaxing the tense muscles of his body.

Luther let out a small hum and shrugged his shoulders. It sent a rush of endorphins through the back of Viktor’s brain to know how much he had corrupted the golden child of the Academy, how loose Luther’s once rock-solid morals had become because of an accident and a couple of happy little decisions. He then sighed and slowly lowered himself down so that he was sitting on one of Luther’s legs instead of standing. “You’re supposed to be on a mission, Dad is going to realize that you’re not with them when they get there.”

“Let him realize. Our birthday is tomorrow,” the other man gave another shrug. He hadn’t stopped kissing Viktor’s neck and cheek since they had sat down together, but his arms had curved over his boyfriend’s waist so that they were slotted together.

“Yeah, tomorrow, not today,” Viktor grumbled. “What happens if he decides that he’s going to punish you for not showing up and then you can’t meet up with me on time?”

He stopped kissing the other then and turned his boyfriend’s face so that they could look at each other. Viktor avoided eye contact for a moment before Luther said, “Hey, look at me.”

The violinist let out a small huff as he pressed his forehead to Luther’s. The odd angle that he was looking into those piercing blue eyes made it feel less serious, even though everything in their lives had recently felt like it held the entire world with each breath they took. “Whatever happens, we’re going to be okay. I made the downpayment on that apartment today and I finally got to see it. It’s bare and not very homey but it’s going to be great for us,” he reassured.

“You said that you would let me come with you!” Viktor gasped, excited and offended all at the same time. His emotions had never been more confusing than they had been in the last couple of months.

Luther blushed and squirmed on the bed, breaking the very eye contact that he had asked for. “I know, but I thought that it would be more exciting if I got to surprise you with it tonight. I wasn’t expecting us to have a mission and you to get all worried about it,” he caught Viktor’s lips in a kiss that killed any arguments that the shorter man could have thought up.

Eventually, they broke apart and flopped back onto the bed. Luther was laying with his head pressed against the headboard, neck bent a little awkwardly so that he could fit on the tiny bed. Viktor was on his side, almost on his stomach, with his hands cradled by his chest and legs bent so that his calves were pushed against Luther’s thighs. The aforementioned superhero wiggled his arm underneath Viktor’s head to act as a makeshift pillow and then pressed another kiss to his temple, which dragged a hum and yawn from his partner. “How have the two of you been today?” he asked gently.

One of his big hands came to rest on the bottom of Viktor’s stomach where his belly was just barely beginning to round with their deepest held secret. He was able to hide it with his uniform vest and blazer, as well as hunching his shoulders to cast a shadow there. Viktor reached down and placed his hands over the top of his boyfriend’s as he tilted his head up. “I think that we’re doing okay. I used the doppler again and I heard their heartbeat, it was really strong.”

“That’s great,” Luther beamed, his face lighting up with a kind of joy that Viktor hadn’t thought he would ever get to see when they started their relationship. Back then every interaction that they had, every breath and sigh made for only them, every kiss and brush of skin, had been filled with angst and guilt. The only thing that they were able to think about was how much they loved each other and the hurt that they might face every time a door opened when they were wound around each other.

Now, they had been doing this for almost two years and no one had caught them. They had been seen sneaking away into the gardens together but were able to play it off. Luther had even been able to sneak away from the Academy long enough to get a job while lying to their parents, though at this point the elderly ape and robot were probably ignoring the holes in their stories because they couldn’t bring themselves to care anymore.

“My ankles hurt though, I think that I stood up for too long when I went to watch Five and Diego sparring,” Viktor sighed.

“I can rub them for you,” Luther immediately offered.

“I always fall asleep when you do that,” the other teenager shook his head.

“I’ll wake you up before dinner this time.”

“Promise?”

Luther laughed and pressed another kiss to his lips, already preparing to move to the end of the bed so that he could assist his pregnant boyfriend. “I promise.”

---

The other members of the Academy didn’t get home until very late. Luther and Viktor had dinner alone with Grace, who didn’t say anything about the fact that Luther wasn’t with the rest of their siblings. They then went into Luther’s bedroom so that they could finish collecting everything that they would need for their journey.

By the time that midnight rolled around and they were both officially eighteen, they had everything that they would need. Viktor had a bag full of clothing for both them and their new arrival that he had managed to sneak out of the attic upstairs and the collection of civilian clothes that Klaus and Ben had gathered. Luther had made a portfolio with their birth certificates, social security cards, all of the checks from his job that he had yet to cash, and their high school diplomas. That was tucked into the bag that he was carrying, which also held all of the personal belongings that neither of them wanted to leave behind.

A pop and the smell of ozone filled the room and added a drop of extra terror that neither of them needed. Viktor whirled around to see Five standing there looking as though he hadn’t just been fighting off robbers or superpowered villains. Not even a single hair was out of place, but his face was already contorted down into a deep scowl. “What do the two of you think that you’re doing?”

“Five,” Viktor placed a hand over his chest to try and soothe the rapid beating of his heart.

“Don’t worry about it,” Luther said.

As soon as the words left his boyfriend’s mouth, Viktor wished that he hadn’t said them. He clenched his eyes shut while he listened to the tirade that it immediately made Five launch into, “You’re clearly doing something with my best friend and he’s been acting weird lately. I’m going to worry about it.”

“I promised him that I would explain what was going on, I figured that it would be safe once we were already on our way out, but I wasn’t anticipating the mission either so I forgot,” Viktor quickly explained. He felt guilt rolling in his stomach with the now-usual nausea when he saw how confused and borderline scared Five looked while he listened to what his best friend was saying.

Luther reached over so that he could thread his fingers together with his boyfriend, his expression worried but trusting. “You don’t owe anyone anything, Viktor.”

“That’s my line and it had to deal with the Academy specifically,” he rebutted, ignoring the way that the heat flooded into his cheeks when he was so openly being taken care of by the man that he had loved. He had spent so long keeping his relationship with Luther a secret, something buried under his heart and hidden behind doors with locks and no cameras, that it felt almost too intimate to be holding hands in front of someone else. He had been struggling to wrap his head around the idea that he was soon going to be able to do that in public, around people that they didn’t know, too.

“Five,” Viktor said to get his brother’s attention away from where they were holding hands. “Luther and I have been dating for almost two years. Today is our birthday and we’re leaving.”

“What? Why?” the other hero seemed to only begin to grow panicked when he realized that they were leaving. It was likely that Five would have been able to figure out that they were into each other or dating much sooner if he hadn’t always had his head buried in the next math problem.

Speaking any more felt like he was going to be giving too much away. It was information that he was willing to give, but the secret that he was hiding wasn’t just his own. He looked to Luther so that he could get the permission that he needed which was conveyed in a delicate nod. He took a deep breath and then said, “We can’t stay here. We’ve had to keep our relationship hidden from Dad and thus everyone in else in the house for too long. Do you know how exhausting it is to try and hide a whole relationship from a house full of the smartest people that you’ve ever known?”

“We want to be able to actually be together the way that people are when we see them out on missions or in books. After everything that we’ve already done to save the world and the nothing that we’ve gotten in return for it, Viktor and I figured that we should get to be actual adults. If Dad finds something that really needs the Academy to finish it then he can contact me and it can be my choice to go to him,” Luther finished. They were almost the exact words that Viktor had been gearing up to say. Hearing his boyfriend say them instead made him feel a swell of love develop in his chest.

“Stay,” Five blurted before he turned red. “I mean, just for a bit. I want to go with you. I had been planning to leave too but applying to colleges is going to take a while before it really takes off.”

“Come with us. We have an apartment with two bedrooms and you can use the second one for about five months before we’re going to need it,” Viktor said without even thinking.

The other hero went blank, blinking a few times, before he wrinkled his nose. “I didn’t need to know that you two had sex.”

“Five, I didn’t say anything about that,” he groaned as he buried his face in both of his hands. For the first time since they had started packing up their bags, he was actually grateful that Luther had taken them all instead of feeling guilty about it.

“Immaculate conception is only something that happens in the Bible and to our moms,” Five replied. There was another pop and the smell of ozone, which left them both standing there in the silence of their home.

“I shouldn’t have told him about the baby yet, should I?” Viktor sighed as he turned to look at his partner.

“If he was going to come stay with us then he was going to find out sooner or later. I don’t think that he’ll tell the others or Dad, though. He’ll probably forget the second that he starts studying for college,” Luther chuckled. To ease some of the worry that was no doubt brewing in his partner, he leaned down and gave Viktor a sweet kiss. They only broke apart when they got another one of the pops that let them know Five had come back, this time with a fully packed bag.

So the three of them slipped out of a window and down the same fire escape that Klaus had used to find his way out into the streets a thousand times before. Where they were going, they wouldn’t know for sure that they were secure, but they would know that they wouldn’t be bitten by the known monsters. There would be no numbers on a birth certificate or shouted through a megaphone, no chalk tallies on a board hanging on the way to class. There would be the three of them and then a baby, protected under the same roof and loved more than anything in the whole world. There was a lot that they still had to work out and things that they would need to talk about, but getting out of the house and into a place of their own was a good start.

#fanfiction #fanfic #writing #ao3 #archive of our own #tua #the umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #luther x viktor #viktor x luther #five hargreeves #vuther #liktor #whatever their ship name is

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themovieblogonline · 7 months

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"The Herricanes" Screens at Nashville Film Festival

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and make a trail." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) That quote appears at the beginning of the documentary "The Herricanes," which played at the Nashville Film Festival on Monday, October 2, 2023. Olivia Kuan's Mom played football. Olivia thought it was something any girl could do Upon learning how unique her mother's experience was, the young filmmaker decided to document her mother, Basia Haszlakiewicz's, participation in the female football leagues of the seventies. Basia played for the Houston Herricanes in the NWFL (National Women's Football League.) Ms. Kuan's excellent documentary traces the origins of female contact football. She interviewed members of several teams of the seventies. Additionally, she did a great job of labeling each interview subject onscreen. The research and editing team did a terrific job of assembling the interviews into a coherent whole.The archival production team consisted of Kelsey Carr and researcher Chris Morcam. Still photographs and film footage from the games of the seventies take us back in time. The documentary embraces the concept "it's okay for women to be whole people." Another truth the film underscores: "It's important to create a world that welcomes everyone." Interesting timing. Olivia Hill, the first trans-gender woman to hold office in Nashville, was sworn in this very day as one of 5 council-members at large for the Metro area. Meanwhile, the state of Tennessee has banned drag shows in the very recent past. Title IX The entire idea of letting women play contact football grew out of the cultural shift of Title IX in 1972. Title IX said that no school could discriminate on the basis of sex in extra-curricular offerings in public schools. Today's youth don't remember what a sea change this was, but I do. I began teaching junior high school students in 1969 and witnessed the changes of the seventies firsthand. Olivia's mother, Basia Haszlakiewicz, played for the Houston Herricanes in the seventies. To the argument women "don't want to play contact sports" the rebuttal was,"They've never been given the opportunity to see if they want to play football." Today, one of the early supporters of female football runs Gridiron Girls camps. Youngsters who know nothing about Title IX can try football out. Be the Revolution As the film emphasizes, it is not easy to be first. Four National Women's Football League teams were founded in 1974. Among the teams participating over the years were the Toledo Troopers, the Dallas Bluebonnets, the Los Angeles Dandelions, the Dallas/Ft. Worth Shamrocks, the Oklahoma City Dolls, the San Antonio Flames, and the Houston Herricanes. There were initially 14 teams with 3 divisions. The power team was Oklahoma City. In fact, the Oklahoma City Dolls didn't lose a game until their sixth season. The Dolls put a beat-down on the Herricanes in their first meetings. They averaged 35 points a game and routinely beat the early Herricanes by scores as lopsided as 40 to 0 and/or 56 to 0. The Houston Herricanes But the Herricanes steadily improved and were competitive near the end of the league's existence. The players had to buy their own equipment ($88,15 in Olivia's Mom's case) and it took $50,000 to keep a team afloat. There were more people on the field than in the stands. This did not help the financial situation of the teams. The comment is made in the documentary that parity for women in any sport is yet to be achieved. The documentary made it clear that support for women's contact football in Europe is much stronger, citing the 2019 World Championship in Leeds, England. Teams thrive in countries like Sweden, Finland, New Zealand, Germany and England. As for the original NWFL teams, they began to fold in '78 (Los Angeles Dandelions) and '79 (Toledo Troopers, Oklahoma City Dolls, Houston Herricanes,) Some (the Dallas/Ft. Worth Shamrocks) had folded earlier. The 1979 Championship game was canceled. Today, there are over 100 teams playing, worldwide, and women's sports are increasing in popularity (Natalie Portman is one owner of a woman's team). This interesting and informative documentary---one of the best at the Nashville Film Festival---gives you the history of the genesis of contact football for females. It's a well-done fun documentary. Read the full article

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the-necessary-unnecessary · 3 years

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Masterpost of all the openly LGBTQ+ women’s footballers at the Olympics (and their girlfriends/wives)

We did this for the 2019 World Cup and now here we are again for an encore celebrating all the lesbian, bi and trans women’s football players at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics! I’ve tried my best to be as inclusive and thorough as possible but do let me know if I’ve overlooked anything at all :)) Right, without further ado and in no particular order, let’s jump in! NOTE: yes this list is over 65 players long so most follow after a cut

Vivianne Miedema (Netherlands, Arsenal): the woman, the myth, the legend. Not only is she an incredible footballer breaking records for club and country for years at this point, but she also has many off the pitch talents such as her incredible eyebrow raising skills, ability to take her teddybear everywhere she goes, be one half of the soft bros and the unmeasurable love and support she gives Lisa Evans who she met at Bayern Munich and they now play at Arsenal together (one of many gay footballing migrations) whilst working a side hussle as vloggers. Lisa missed out on a Team GB ticket to Tokyo (#JusticeForLisa) but she’ll be sporting that orange shirt from home in London for sure!

Shelina Zadorsky (Canada, Tottenham Hotspurs): her relationship with fellow Spurs player Rosella Ayane is still relatively new but they’ve already firmly established themselves as one of the cutest couples in futfem with their banter, incredible looks, podcast features, supportive messages and general sweetness.

Tiane Endler (Chile, Olympique Lyonnais): she recently made two life changing decisions - moving from PSG to rival club Lyon, and marrying her now wife Sofia. Tiane absolute legend of the game for her incredible saves, her ability to carry like five players at a time and her casual openness about being herself.

Leah Williamson (Team GB, Arsenal): another player on the long list of Arsenal gays, she’s very much an icon with a love for Arsenal and for the game only matched by her love to tease her girlfriend, teammate and another footballer left out of the GB squad, Jordan Nobbs. With their questionable sense of style, endless Blu (Jordan’s dog) content, jokes about Jordan’s brain capacity from Leah and an overall level of supportiveness and respect in one another they are a couple to be loved both on and off the pitch.

Megan Rapinoe (USA, OL Reign): her and her basketball-playing fiancée Sue Bird are an Olympic couple if ever there was one! Sue Bird is about to compete in her fifth Olympics and try to bring back her fifth gold medal, whilst Megan has less Olympic gold but such accolades such as the Ballon D’Or and two world cups under her belt. As for her fight for equality, well what is there to say that people don’t already know?!

Marta (Brazil, Orlando Pride): there is no greater legend of the game than Marta. For coming up to 20 years now she has been making waves within and beyond the women’s football community due to her unmatched skills, her leadership and her passion. Recently, she’s been making waves by announcing her engagement to fellow Pride teammate Toni Pressley, with whom she is also the mother to some adorable dogs. I mean just look at the love and sweetness that radiates off of them!!!

Sam Kerr (Australia, Chelsea): depending on who you ask, and mainly going off ig comments, she may or may not be currently dating USWNT Olympian Kristie Mewis (USA, Houston Dash). Either way though, they’re both absolute gay icons in their own rights being very open about past relationships and generally living their iconic lives. But I mean yeah, just explain some of these comments...

Magdalena Eriksson (Sweden, Chelsea): a name that should be topping the list when it comes to futfem couples. Her and her long term girlfriend Pernille Harder are not just a force to be reckoned with on the pitch but also off it. After a picture of Danish Pernille wearing a Swedish shirt kissing Magda after a world cup match took the world by storm they have been using their growing platforms for so much good, doing tonnes of interviews, advocating about LGBTQ+ rights, donating money to charity etc etc. You cannot understate how much they do for the community and how cute they are with each other!!

Stephanie Labbé (Canada, Rosengard): She is part of another Olympic power-couple since her girlfriend is Georgia Simmerling, a track cyclist olympic medallist who is also the first Canadian to compete in three different sports in three different Olympic Games

Fernanda Pinilla (Chile, Universidad de Chile): she has given a few interviews speaking openly about being gay in Chile and the effect that this had on her footballing career and life outlook in general. She’s in a relationship with sports journalist Grace Lazcano Armstrong.

Lucy Bronze (Team GB, Manchester City) and Keira Walsh (Team GB, Manchester City): after having played in different teams and different countries for a few years, last year Lucy returned to the WSL so that they could play together again “for a new challenge”, and now they are thriving sharing changing rooms for both club and country!

Bárbara (Brazil, Sociedade Esportiva Kindermann): she openly addressed her sexuality after posting about her now-exgirlfriend on instagram before the 2019 world cup. Now she’s just living her best life looking this stunning

Merel Van Dongen (Netherlands, Atletico de Madrid): one of my absolute personal favourites, Merel and her Spanish girlfriend Ana Romero make one of the cutest matchups around. Having met when they were playing at Ajax, they then moved to Real Betis in Spain where they stayed until Ana’s retirement at the end of last season. They’ve now got a dog and everything. Merel has always been unapologetically herself, from standing up to homophobes during university in Alabama to doing interviews and posting openly about her sexuality, she really is a lesbian legend.

Chloe Logarzo (Australia, Kansas City): her and her girlfriend, ex-pro footballer and firefighter in the making, McKenzie Berryhill have recently celebrated their second anniversary together! Chloe has been very vocal about her sexuality and her experience of coming out saying that “there are still a few people scared that it is going to tarnish their image, but for me, if it was going to tarnish my image then it’s not the image I want because I’m not telling the truth.”

Hannah Wilkinson (New Zealand): she has always been very open about the relationships she’s been in and just talking about her sexuality in general, such as in an interview where she discussed what it’s like to be a part of the lgbt+ community as an athlete: “Coming out is an incredibly sensitive and vulnerable experience, and when supportive and reassuring people that have been through that same experience surround you, it makes a huge difference.”

Lina Hurtig (Sweden, Juventus): she has just had a baby with her wife and ex-professional football player Lisa Hurtig and they make the cutest little family! They even starred in a short Juventus documentary which got broadcast to the millions of social media followers the club has.

Christen Press (USA) and Tobin Heath (USA): probably the most well-known and one of the most successful - both football wise and in their off the pitch endeavours - footballing power couples! Sure they have never publicly announced their status nor talked about their sexualities but they don’t need to. They just live their lives being themselves and what says love and domesticity more than travelling half way across the world to play together, setting up their own company together, taking photos of each other with rainbows as backdrops etc etc?!?!

Kadeisha Buchanan (Canada, Olympique Lyonnais): never one to shy away from posting about her past relationships she it out and proud alongside being a crucial piece in the Canadian national team having been named the Canadian women’s player of the year three times!

Quinn (Canada, OL Reign): despite being a self-proclaimed introvert, Quinn recognised the power of using the platform of a professional athlete of such high calibre and so publicly came out as transgender in September last year. They have done many interviews since, saying that “I think being visible is huge and it’s something that helped me when I was trying to figure out my identity... I wanted to pass that along and then hopefully other people will come out as well if they feel safe to do so and I can create a safer space for them”. By just being their authentic self, Quinn has become a trailblazer within the sporting community and beyond.

Kailen Sheridan (Canada, Gotham FC): she’s been dating Dominique Nicole for over three years now and cute pictures of them together abound on their social medias but I think this one just has to take the title for best!

Yenny Acuña (Chile, Santiago Morning): her and her girlfriend have been together for coming up to five years, and alongside their two dogs they make a very sweet family!

Demi Stokes (Team GB, Manchester City): she is currently engaged to a woman who she first met after her fiancée slid into her DMs, a modern love story if ever there was one lol

Sophie Ingle (Team GB, Wales): she’s been engayged for quite some time now and given her post a few months back about picking out wedding dresses I’m guessing the big day will finally be coming around soon!

Fran Kirby (Team GB, Chelsea): Fran’s story is one of resilience, and passion and dedication. Her and Maren Mjelde, fellow Chelsea teammate and Norway player, have been through thick and thin together and yet they’re still winning trophies and competing for the title of best dog owners!

Rachel Daly (Team GB, Houston Dash): if ever there was to be a centre to the current futfem dating circle Rachel would likely be it, but for quite a few months now she’s been dating fellow England teammate Millie Turner

Carly Telford (Team GB, Chelsea): her coming out story is about as low key as it gets in the media world, she just casually dropped into an interview in 2017 that she hoped her girlfriend Georgia Elwiss would end up a Cricket World Cup winner with her squad, at Lord’s- and so she did. And now she’s not just her girlfriend because they’re engaged!!

Lauren Hemp (Team GB, Manchester City): she met her gf whilst playing for Bristol and from time to time she’ll bless your timeline with photos like this one

Jill Scott (Team GB, Manchester City): I don’t know what it is with this team and being engaged at the moment but she’s also set to marry Shelly Unitt. They’ve also recently started a coffee shop together and nothing says power couple more than footballer businesswomen!

Formiga (Brazil, São Paulo): at the age of 43 she’s still playing football at the highest level possible having just resigned with the club where she started her career almost 30 years ago! Her legendary status also translates off the pitch, where she has been very open and posting about her wife after they married just a few months ago

Debinha (Brazil, North Carolina Courage): another one who has been dating her club teammate Meredith Speck for a couple of years now and look at them thrivinggg

Andressa Alves (Brazil, AS Roma): she’s been married for over a year now to her wife and ex-pro footballer who won silver in Beijing, Francielle. Let’s see if this year Andressa can do one better!

Gio Queiroz (Brazil, Barcelona): this eighteen year old has played at youth levels for three countries and is now already a consolidated member of the Brazilian senior squad. Ornella Vignola (who also plays for Barça B) and her, who knew each other since before last season because of Spain youth teams, have become the epitome of baby gay on their tiktok.

Aline Reis (Brazil, Granadilla Tenerife): her and her long-term girlfriend Bruna moved to Spain together a few years back and now Aline’s ig is full of photos of them living the footballing life in the Canary Islands!

Saari van Veenendal (Netherlands, PSV): she’s one to keep her private life pretty under wraps, saying that “I have the responsibility to use that fame to promote women's football and to inspire young girls. That feels like something wonderful. I do it with my heart and soul. But my Instagram is not full of photos of family and friends. Only my sister appears. My parents, friends and partner don't. I don't want my attention to be their attention"

Stefanie van der Gragt (Netherlands, Ajax): she has a young daughter with her partner Mary and just look at the three of them goooo

Danielle van de Donk (Netherlands, Arsenal): her and Arsenal teammate Beth Mead have never been ones to shy away from posting about each other but lately they’ve been getting a lot more vocal about their love for each other and we absolutely love to see it.

Jill Roord (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): after being dubbed futfem’s most eligible bachelor for years it seems like she’s found someone in Norwegian player Ingrid Engen (no I’m not jealous of Jill... okay maybe just a lil bit)

Shanice van de Sanden (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): the amount of powerful gay energy that her and her gf radiate from this photo alone tells you all you need to know about them!

Sherida Spitse (Netherlands, Ajax): she’s got a family of four with two kids and her wife who she married with Van de Sanden as their witness, and the domestic vibes they have together are impeccable

Annouk Dekker (Netherlands, Braga): she started dating her girlfriend Laura Casanova after she met her at Montpellier, and after a short long-distance stint they’re joined the gay football migration and signed with Braga together.

Caitlin Foord (Australia, Arsenal): if lockdown gave us one thing it was the start of the relationship between her and Swiss Arsenal teammate Lia Wälti when they decided to spend lockdown together rather than alone, and the rest is history!

Tameka Yallop (Australia, Brisbane Roar): she’s one wife and one mum of another very adorable family! Her wife, Kirsty Yallop, is an ex-New Zealand footballer and now they’ve got a daughter too

Erin McLeod (Canada, Orlando Pride): she has been out and proud about being a lesbian for years, campaigning to get a change in the language of the Olympic Charter and serving on the Canadian Athletes' Commission as the LGBT representative. She used to be married to Ella Masar (who now has a son with Babett Peter) but has been in a relationship with Gunny Jonsdottir for quite a long time now.

Alanna Kennedy (Australia): since being part of the wsl aussie migration at the beginning of last season she has started dating her now ex-teammate at Spurs Becky Spencer

Teagan Micah (Australia, Sandviken): she’s been very public in the past about her relationships and now seems to be living her best life exuding a tonne of gay energy

Similar things can be said about Ellie Carpenter (Australia, Olympic Lyonnais),

Hayley Raso (Australia, Everton),

Kyah Simon (Australia, PSV),

Emily van Egmond (Australia)

and Elise Kellond-Knight (Australia, Hammarby) - can you tell that the Matildas is basically a synonym for queer at this point?

Mackenzie Arnold (Australia, West Ham): she met her girlfriend Carson Pickett whilst she was on loan to Brisbane in 2017, before Carson moved back to the US to play for Orlando Pride and she’s moved to England to play in the WSL. The distance, unsurprisingly, hasn’t been easy on them but it still looks like they’re going strong.

Abby Erceg (New Zealand, North Carolina Courage): she has been dating her NCC teammate Kristen Hamilton for years now and they’re cute on main on the time!

Hedvig Lindhal (Sweden, Atletico de Madrid): she has been happily married to Sabine Willms for ten years at this point with whom she also has two sons.

Caroline Seger (Sweden, Rosengård): in an interview she said that she used to conceal her sexuality but decided to speak out circa 2014 to help other young people who may be struggling. She has also done a lot for gender equality in the sport, especially making sure that more younger girls get into playing. She has had so much of an impact that she was one of five of her teammates to be honoured with their own statue which then got defaced but the movement against the backlash showed how much greater the support is. She is likely to be in a relationship with national and club teammate Olivia Schough (Sweden, Rosengård)

Tierna Davidson (USA, Chicago Red Stars): an underrated gay icon on the USWNT, she’s been dating her girlfriend Alison Jahansouz for over four years now since they met whilst playing together at Stanford University.

Emma Kullberg (Sweden, BK Häcken): although her gf and teammate Julia Zigiotti didn’t quite make the Olympic roster they did do this really cute interview together the other month ://

Adrianna Franch (USA, Portland Thorns): not only was 2019 an amazing year for her due to winning her first world cup, but she also got wifed up to Emily Boscacci!!

Kelley O’Hara (USA, Washington Spirit): most people found out about her queer status during the celebration that ensued after winning the World Cup where her kissing her girlfriend for all the world to see has gone down in lgbt history.

Jane Campbell (USA, Houston Dash): okay but three words only - family! Christmas! photos!

Clare Polkinghorne (Australia, Vittsjö): nope we’re not even done with the Australians, she has a long-term non-footballing girlfriend :))

Carla Guerrero (Chile, Universidad de Chile): her girlfriend and teammate, Yael Oviedo just missed out on making the cut to board the plane to Japan, but going off her ig post of support she’ll be Carla’s no1 cheerleader for the duration of the tournament and beyond

Christine Sinclair (Canada, Portland Thorns): the record-holding goalscoring legend has for quite a few years been going out with another footballing legend as one of the 99ers, Tiffeny Millbrett

Sisca Folkertsma (Netherlands, Girondins de Bordeaux): her and her gf Patricia van Laar have been together for quite a few years at this point, they are just about to start a new chapter together in France where their ig accounts are likely to remain filled with contet of each other!

Lynn Wilms (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): her and Sophie Pieterson, they started their pro careers together at Twente in 2018 and have won a lot of silverware together before Lynn signed a new contract for the upcoming season in Germany.

Jennifer Falk (Sweden, BK Häcken): there’s a different kind of footballing power couple at play here since she is dating a a futsal player called Pernilla Johansson. It seems like their relationship was casually mentioned in an SVT article a few months ago , detailing how in a futsal final Pernilla was playing in audiences weren’t being allowed by Jenny was asked to be a ball girl which she immediately said yes to!

Filippa Angeldahl (Sweden, BK Häcken): she is with Megan Brakes who works as a high ranking partner with Neverland management, one of the most reputed sports agencies based in Scandinavia.

#and there we have it folks!#tokyo olympics #olympics 2020 #woso olympics #futfem #woso #futfem lgbtq #wlw #lgbt+#uswnt #canwnt #chiwnt #swewnt #team gb #auswnt #brawnt #nedwnt #etc etc #og

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