#but now..... its different

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[time-woods]

simon doodle in honor of fionna and cake dropping, sad old men gotta b my favorite species tbh

#adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #hes gonna lose his goddamn marbles again #his mental issues did NOT get fixed at the end of the series- simply swapped out for a different flavor #and its somewhat worse- cause now he can think clearly which comes with some good and bad followups #hashtag get this man therapy #fionna and cake spoilers

[elegyofthemoon]

It's still surprising to see people say that when they see the upcoming strike post I made that this is the first time they're hearing about it, especially because I've seen several posts now talking about the same strike.

That being said: regardless of what kind of blog you are, please spread the news about the genocide, the strikes, boycotts, etc.

Even if you are a small blog, spreading word allows for more people to know what's going on and also do their part in protests and strikes, and maybe even the right people will be able to do more than what you're able to do.

And reminder: there is an upcoming strike on February 18th-25th. Prepare accordingly, protest, boycott, call your reps, and spread the word so more people are aware.

#ceasefire now #free palestine #palestine #it still stuns me because i can count maybe 3 different posts myself included that has all the information about the strikes #and just this morning someone rb mine saying this is the first time theyre hearing of it #do you see why its important to keep talking? #i'm not going to apologize for suddenly posting this midway through clearing my likes. it's important #free gaza #gaza #congo #free congo

[curioscurio]

I'm rewatching Steven Universe and I will never forgive Fandom for what it did to her

#also watching it at age 19-20 as it was released and experiencing the resulting clusterfuck online fandom response was a wild trip #im finally rewatching it again at 25 and really really feel lucky to have seen it at the age i did #i have completely different perspective on it now that i have 3 young nephews and a neice where before i was in college #the music is still as incredible as it was back then #and the animation #i cant beleive people got honestly and truly upset and violently aggressive about characters being off model sometimes #early stevens voice though kills me after awhile...... the yelling .... but his characters growth and development also being reflected in #his voice changing as he grows up #they also go crazy hard on some scenes #who am i kidding the show was a masterpiece and ahead of its time

[lotus-pear]

"dazai would princess carry chuuya" "dazai would hold chuuya bridal style" no shutup dazai would pick chuuya up like he's a sopping wet kitten or a sack of potatoes

#its his love language to sling chuuya across his shoulder like a prized trout he just caught #skk height difference comin in clutch when dazai can hoist chuuya off the ground and dangle him in the air #and chuuya can bite and hiss and scream like a cat but his feet won't touch the ground #also sorry for not posting for the past month i got depression🥰 #dw i'm back now #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[bluegiragi]

monster!au sketchdump #2

1-2: monster swap!! purely indulgent, since if they were actually these monsters from the start, they'd all have turned out different.

3: price in his prime! he was a real tank, but he grew out of his destructive phase.

4: preening time with gaz <3

early access + nsfw on patreon

#nothing will stop soap from wearing crop tops and low waisted jeans #also i PROMISE i am planning to do a backstory comic at some point showing how price lost his wing #for now just enjoy the fact that for many years he was an absolute menace in the skies #also dragons dont preen like harpies do - they clean themselves in different ways #price learnt how to preen gaz on a mission they had together where gaz was injured and unable to do it himself comfortably #its a tradition now #monster 141 #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #ghostsoap #captain john price #kyle gaz garrick #giragi art

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for? #open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer) #maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already. #really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings) #(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time) #(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.) #(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

[crunchchute]

My Sam & Max cosplay I debuted at a local con during the weekend!

#wasnt wearing leg padding in these so sorry sams a bit skinny #sam and max #cosplay #crunchchute art #my art #i could remake the pants and jacket entirely but that would be quite hard actually. i suck at making jackets especially #so those are just thrifted and edited #lots of color differences that bug me but. oh well #pants and jacket arent that different but its noticeable in these pics #as well as maxs hands and feet. theyre slightly lighter as the fabric i used is better quality #but i ran out of the stuff i used on his body etc and i couldnt buy more from that store as they took their sweet time shipping the stuff #oh well. didnt make them for a competition so its okay #im my own biggest hater and my own biggest critic #at the end of the day i made a handful of people really happy and thats all that matters to me #gotta share them every chance i get as i usually just make a cos #wear it to the con and then put it on the shelf #but im too happy with these to just hide them away after #they need a good scrub and after that id like to bring them to another con. next main goal is viecc but thats just a maybe right now

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

(volume warning)

this was surprisingly fun to make so i'll probably do another

#especially now this one is slightly outdated in terms of my personal style lmao #but its fun!! #i have a list of more vines to do!! #will probably go about making it in a different way tho!!! #gotta fuck around with brush settings and stuff #i fucked up a couple times w this one and its Evident once you Notice #but i learned a few things. i am... Improving. very slowly. #i think the thumbnails had more Personality to them. theyre funnier lmao #maybe one day ill even do animatics bc hoo Boy do i have ideas for those #but in order to do that i'll actually have to learn backgrounds and environments #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #also im posting this early bc im a coward <3

[stealingpotatoes]

When I was a kid, I remember reading those old Star Wars character books and the section for yaddle said she often gave out candies to the younglings. Considering that her apprentice was cal’s master, I just picture her giving out candy to baby cal whenever he visited her with his master lol

omg YES and it's literally every 'coming back from grandma's house' meme ever,,

(commission info // kofi support!)

#height difference lineage #< its called that now. im naming it that and you cant stop me #jaro tapal #cal kestis #star wars #jfo #my doods #thanks for the ask!

[dragonroilz]

IM GONNA LOAD ALL OVER THE PLACE

#risk of rain 2 #risk of rain #ror2 #ror #ror2 loader #my art #yeah sorry guys im a little unhinged right now #yknow that thing where the twilight creator made a genderswapped version of twilight #and everyone was like “i get it now” #thats how i feel with rorr loader #anyways #i hate drawing loader with the exoskeleton #even though i designed this one its no different to all of the other exoskeletons #one day loader will be the character ive drawn the least #for the simple reason that this exoskeleton makes me want to commit warcrimes #and not the fun ones

[amphibianaday]

day 1421

#uh just a heads up if you expand the tags to see all there's. a lot. very long #amphibian #frog #poison dart frog #based on my most popular frog to date (day 651) #inspired by everyone pointing out what they think it looks like #here's a fun secret fact the original guy is actually a phantasmal poison dart frog (Epipedobates tricolor) #(according to the original artists title of the drawing) #not Anthony's poison arrow frog (Epipedobates anthonyi) #i feel too awkward to really point it out though because they look the exact same. i cannot tell if there is a difference #im half convinced the same frog was just discovered and named twice #its very curious btw if you go on the (english) wikipedia page for either species it doesn't mention the other #while hereptiles.info (no idea if this is a trustworthy site) lists both names as common names for the same frog (incorrectly??) #while inaturalist lists them as two different frogs. curiously with tricolor having wayyyyy fewer photos #ok anyway that's my rant i went on a whole journey trying to figure out if these are the same frog or not and i have no answer #i did some more 'research' and i am more confused. some sources seem to imply they are now considered the same species ( e. tricolor) #i think my conclusion is i am willing to agree the drawing looks more like e. anthonyi. it seems like tricolor is generally less vibrant re #and the white is darker and more green? #i feel like thumblr should stop me from typing more in the tags at this point this is a whole essay #at this point i am failry convinced this is specifically the Santa Isabel frog. isthat the real subspecies or morph or whatever #or just the name pet sites are using to sell it?? #i even found some sources (frog selling websites) refering to it as “Epipedobates Anthonyi 'Santa Isabel' Phantasmal Poison Dart Frog” lol #Anyways if you read this far hi. species are confusing. i am not a frog scientist #the first few tags are like an hour old now i just kept trying to figure it out and adding more tags

[kingofattolia]

Honestly I cannot overstate how much seeing Hayden as TCW Anakin changed EVERYTHING. Matt Lanter's Anakin is a frat dude. He wears a backwards baseball hat and says vaguely offensive things without realizing, while being a fundamentally chill and outgoing guy at heart. Hayden's Anakin is... not that. His voice. His expressions. His physical presence. It's off somehow. It's just left of normal. It's completely unremarkable and yet deeply uncanny for reasons you can't quite describe. TCW Anakin was always a flatter, blander portrayal, but I don't think I realized until now what exactly was missing: the serial killer energy. The inarticulable conviction that SOMETHING unhinged is going on behind those eyes.

#also the difference between TCW anakin's charm and ROTS anakin's charm #tcw: outgoing. does finger guns. nonplussed socially sometimes but still confident. able to be charming #rots: competent. exuberant. frothing with rage. so shy and awkward he fully cant function. insecure. an entire tank yet fragile as glass #charming only because hes both SO COMPETENT and also so categorically unable to purposefully be charming #ITS SO DIFFERENT. WILDLY DIFFERENT. I DID NOT REALIZE HOW DIFFERENT IT WOULD BE #im so glad i got to see this honestly #im going to be reimagining tcw episodes with this version of anakin in them as my bedtime story from now on #i hate to be a broken record but KAREN MILLER CAPTURES THIS #star wars #grace for ts #anakin #ahsoka show #truly truly truly truly truly transformative for me as a person to have seen this #tcw anakin comes into the room loudly quipping and complaining #rots anakin stands there quietly until he smiles and you realize his teeth are covered in blood

[analogconstruct]

can people stop calling holidays specifically for either aromanticism or asexuality "aroace" holidays. there is a difference. aroaces are included under aro and ace, but when you call these aroace holidays, you're forgetting about many aros and aces that are not aroace. aromanticism and asexuality are not inherently linked.

#🥀 #aromantic #aro #asexual #ace #international asexuality day #this happened aro week and now its happening with ace day. please understand the difference. #aro ≠ aroace #ace ≠ aroace

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello.... #i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is #completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo #but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei #travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point. #humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on #& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas. #theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve #done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but #in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise #since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times #if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess #ruporas art

[flambo19]

She is so silly

#genshin impact #genshin #furina #focalors #flambo art #trying smth slightly different with my art style. dunno if itll work out but thats the fun part #so my plan was 'oh ill post this after the livestream to avoid leak spoilers' right? #thats still my plan but uhhh #(its now a week later. now is the time) #posting this right before i go to bed. goodnight :)