#but now the center just looks like a clusterfuck LOL

[jmdbjk]

Yet to Come in Busan

Preface: I wrote all of the following prior to today’s/yesterday’s BTS enlistment news. Needless to say, my mind has been all over the place today, all while trying to go to work and do my job AND keep up with all the reactions and fallout from the announcement. One thing is for certain, the news made headlines all over the world. If SK didn’t know it before, they know it now.  

Yet to Come in Busan was a labor of love for them. They were determined to get it done and do it right. They fought so hard for this from the moment they chose to do it. Even with all the political bullshit. Even with all the clusterfucking confusion. Even having to withstand all the negativity toward their company, their families. 

I have a feeling the members were determined to show the world THIS is what we are. BTS is the biggest music act in the world. Even more so after that concert! They showcased everything about themselves and their music catalog. Hopefully this momentum will carry through the remaining solo releases. 

And I also have a feeling the members used this concert to let out some frustration or anger because the ENERGY was through the roof! Their energy for the Run BTS choreo was ... I have no words. They danced like they were never going to dance again. It was a total pouring out of themselves during that song. 

And during Cypher 3, and all the rap line parts of all the songs... I don’t think I’ve ever seen rap line so aggressive.

So here’s what I had written prior to the announcement (with a few modifications now that we know):

I thought the backdrop video screens in the shape of the PROOF logo were fantastic... I bet it was amazing in-person.

Hobi going hard in the first three songs like the stage king he’s really transformed into since Hobipalooza. His stage presence has just blossomed since July. I am looking forward to watching the artistic and emotional growth of the others, especially Jimin and Jungkook (of course).

Vocal line singing Zero O’Clock and Butterfly were heartwrenching. 

During Butterfly those realistic giant butterfly drones were amazing. I tried to get a screenshot but couldn’t get a good one.

And then rap line comes out and annihilates UGH! and Cypher Pt. 3... omfg Hobi’s entrance and claim to his rightful ownership of this stage. 

And I LOVE THEM FOR ACKNOWLEDGING with the images on the video screens. 

Rap line rapped like they were never gonna rap again, it took my breath away...

Hyundai getting their sponsorship promo in with their Boston Dynamics robotics... nice doggie. But I’ll take Bam over a robot dog wannabe.

The fireworks were a nice touch during Dynamite...but really? they cut away to more fireworks during Jimin’s center high kick in the Idol choreo...gah!

Boy With Luv shenanigans of our boys in luv...

I loved hearing Army sing along during that song too... 

We had a casualty during Dope... cameraman fell down...

Hobi and Tae helping him back up.... omg. 

It was really hard to hold back the tears during Young Forever and For Youth. The way they were looking out into that sea of Army... I don’t know how they held it together...

And then there was an interlude for a few minutes when the members were backstage changing. During this time, I heard Armys singing happy birthday to Jimin over and over. I was hoping he could hear it.

Then they were back onstage singing Spring Day. Jimin was in his feelings... Yoongi was looking out of the window so wistfully... and now to realize what they knew was happening... that this would the last concert as a group until 2025. You can see it on their faces as they are singing this song. The lyrics to this song... until the spring day comes again (making myself cry y’all lol). 

And right after that they began ending ments and Army sang happy birthday TO Jimin and I know it had to be one of the best moments ever, being onstage in his hometown of Busan. You could see it in his eyes when he realized they were singing to him... 

He deserved that so much...

We’ve learned that there might have been a special guest but even so, I’m glad it was just them and Army. We also know they planned to ride in the back of a pickup truck as an alternative to the cart they usually use to move around the perimeter of the venue to get closer to Army, but they scrapped that as unsafe because of people still entering the venue. 

The whale made an appearance over the crowd accompanied by floating bubbles. The butterflies flitting above during Butterfly was also magnificent.

You could tell the members were all emotional in differing degrees throughout but they all seemed so happy, the smiles on their faces were precious. I hope all of them are able to focus on their own personal and professional endeavors for a while now that this huge event is behind them. 

We will get Run BTS Flying Yoga Pt. 2 in a few hours and also hear about upcoming AMA, Grammy, and other nominations and awards. We will be getting a new song from Jin!!! and all of his upcoming scheduled promotions/appearances!!! So much to look forward to... I hope they stay safe, happy and healthy through the end of this year. I’ve heard solo projects will release first half of next year. It sounds like they all plan to be enlisted before the end of next year. So one by one they will leave us. I truly hope they’ve got us covered as far as content for 2024...

As they told us, let’s trust they are doing what is right for them and stick with them through it all. 

Well, I’m done writing this and I’m having a hard time not crying. I am trying not to project but I know now, thinking about how emotional Jimin was during Festa (and Joon and Hobi)... he knew he would miss this and he knew we would be hurting and he, in that moment, you KNOW he was hoping and trying to reassure us by saying just take their words as they are and everything will be ok. Group hug. 

#yet to come in busan #bts chapter 2 #bts military service #jimin #jungkook #j-hope #suga #jin #RM #taehyung #this sucks but it's also good at the same time #i am so so proud of them #i am also grateful to have had the luck to become bts army

[kim-woonhak]

#17daysof17: day 1-3

D-1 | Vernon & HOME;RUN era D-2 | DK & 24H mv D-3 | Joshua & Heng:garæ comeback

#17daysof17 #seventeen #svt #svtsource #svtcreations #my art #vernon #hansol vernon chwe #dk #dokyeom #lee seokmin #joshua #joshua hong #breh idk everyone has a million names #anyways i can't do these every day so i'm going to try to batch them w the prompts hehe #lowkey pleased with myself with how the logo turned out #it felt like a mini math problem getting all 3 symbols to fit lol #and trying not to obstruct anyone's pretty face #but now the center just looks like a clusterfuck LOL #btw hi caratblr i'm still baby 💎🥺 ive been listening to them for a while but i only started really following them a few months ago #*mine

[theliterarywolf]

So... Let's talk about Hetalia. Controversies, Specifically.

Tagging @apply-force-too-begin since they’re the one who was interested.

Hetalia was one of my first big fandoms outside of 'The Big Three' anime (Naruto, Bleach, One Piece) and outside of video games (mostly whatever wee babby weeaboo me could get on the Gamecube).

And, you know what? It's a dumb, silly anime about stereotypes, poking fun at the absurdities of History, and one's relationships with clashing cultures. It's dumb... But, remember, we all need our daily thirty minutes of dumb. And some of the characters are cute.

And, you know what? Most of the most engaging aspects of the fandom were those who used the initial shallow splash of history that the anime gave them to actually research and make engaging, well-written, culturally-sensitive content.

Of course, I'm not going to ignore how... Over-the-top some members of the fandom have been. We've seen how, whenever recent political conflict or natural disaster have occurred, we have to remind younger members of the Hetalia fandom to not cutsiefy it with the Hetalia characters. Examples that come to mind are: when the conflict between Russia and Ukraine was surging up, kids kept trying to draw art of 'Russia just wants his big sister back~!', and the last major earthquake that hit Japan that had people making fanart of the Japan character which, while some was tasteful and was meant to bring awareness and donations for Disaster Relief, not... all of it was...

Hell, that’s not even bringing into account the last time I went to Anime Expo (way back during Hetalia’s hayday), I was walking around and saw a bunch of Russia and Baltic State cosplayers being interviewed by the news and the one dressed up in a USSR uniform was holding up a Communist flag and shouting ‘Whoo! SOVIET TAKEOVER!!’

However, one thing that I have noticed, while researching for this write-up, was this:

Most of the controversies and pieces of fandom-wank that have surrounded Hetalia and its fandom... Aside from one instance... Are the results of the Western-fandom and Western-localization of the anime  via Funimation.

Aside from one... Most of the issues surrounding Hetalia are due to the West and not even the source media in of itself.

So, with that in mind, let's talk about the main controversies of both Hetalia and its fanbase.

Controversy 1 – The South Korea Controversy/Protests

As I recently answered a question about this, so I'll just pull that answer for this segment:

'To summarize it: there’s a Hetalia character meant to represent South Korea. As every Hetalia character has a gag related to them (America gorges himself on fast food and constantly proclaims himself to be the Hero, Italy is cowardly, Germany is constantly angry, China constantly builds Chinatowns wherever he goes and sells bootleg merchandise, etc), so did S. Korea.

His gag was calling all the other Asian countries ‘big brother’ as well as groping the chests of male characters (China and Japan mostly), proclaiming ‘these mountains belong to South Korea, da ze!’

Of course, people would draw pictures of S. Korea doing his thing but one day during a meeting between a bunch of South Korean politicians and representatives, someone brought out a piece of fanart that depicted S. Korea groping Japan’s chest with the latter looking embarrassed and what not.

They interpreted the character as being an offensive, lecherous stereotype that was somehow belittling S. Korea’s worth as a country.

There were a bunch of small protests until, finally, Himaruya Hidekazu (the creator of Hetalia) just decided to say “you know what? Fine! I’m not getting rid of the character but he’ll never appear in the anime adaptation, okay?!’

So… Yeah! Fun times…'

Magnitude of Controversy – MAJOR

Like... In what universe is 'this meme hurt my feewings, we need to take VALUABLE TIME DURING GOVERNMENT FORUMS to talk about it RATHER THAN OTHER PRESSING ISSUES' a good response? And the fact that people took to the streets to protest? Come on, guys! There's so much more to worry about in this world...

Controversy 2 – Emperor Heliogabalus and Himaruya's 'Transgender Erasure'

There was a section of time where Himaruya Hidekazu, rather than focusing on the nation characters of the series, made chapters and updates about certain historical figures. They were all done for laughs while interspersing various bits of trivia and facts about them.

One of these updates centered around the Roman emperor Heliogabalus (or 'Elagabalus'). And this is where certain portions of this hellsite got soooooo upset...

You see, Himaruya titled the update centered on Heliogabalus as 'The Emperor Who Tried to Live as a Woman... Even Though He Was Really a Guy'.

Almost immediately people were typing up callout posts about how 'transphobic' Himaruya was for the title and 'how dare he misgender my precious trans baby~!' or 'this just goes to show how ignorant Japanese people are to Western history' and so many more, all because Himaruya didn't use out-and-out female pronouns for Heliogabalus.

Now. Mm, two things!

One! This was during the time when Himaruya had an open blog where, not only did he post pictures and updates about where in the world he was traveling and what he was researching, but it also had an inbox that was open for people to send insight to him.

So, if people were really incensed by this, you would think that they would use such a means to let a creator know 'hey, this is kind of problematic; can you edit it to show this information', right?

Right?

NO ONE tried to inform Himaruya of their upset; they literally didn't want an answer, they just wanted to be upset!

But, here's the kicker: the guy that all of these people were stanning for? Emperor Heliogabalus?

WASN'T FUCKING TRANS!!

The real Heliogabalus was a sadistic little shit who was connivingly put on the throne by his mother via a bunch of espionage and assassinations... Who, as thanks, had his own mother murdered once he was emperor. Other wonderful exploits of this 'icon' that tumblr kids decided to stan was:

Getting politicians and countrymen drunk and then, while they were passed out, brought in lions to kill and eat them

Deciding 'fuck Jupiter, Helios is my husbando – We're all going to worship him now!'

Completely wrecking Rome's monetary system

Promising favors to his lovers (whom he called his 'husbands' despite not making anything official) that strictly contradicted favors to his other lovers

And just generally being a hot mess

So... why were tumblr children so insistent on him being a transgender woman?

You ready for this?

Okay.

Because he occaisionally dressed in women's clothing and called his male lovers his 'husbands'.

Yeah.

One of the earliest case of tumblr children trying to ruin someone's life because they didn't follow their headcanons.

Magnitude of Controversy – Honestly, this was just fandom-wank. But it was one of the earlier instances of fandom brats using serious terms (transphobia) to justify being upset at a creator not following their headcanons.

Controversy 3 – The Passover Photoshoot

…

…

I'm sorry, just...

Everytime I remember or have to go over this one, I have to stop and reflect; maybe grab a drink.

…

Okay.

So, pretty early into the Western reaches of the Hetalia fandom, a group of friends and Hetalia fans decided to meet up together at a mall for a cosplay photoshoot.

Okay. Cool. Fine.

They were all dressed up as their favorite characters from the series! Germany, Austria, Hungary, P-Prussia, Holy... Roman Empire...

Ahem. Okay. Cool. Fine.

So, they get to the mall and start taking pictures. But then someone in the group gets the amazing idea for everyone to do certain poses.

I... You know, why did I start this, I could have just not done thi--

Nazi salutes. You had a bunch of dumb kids dressed up as Germanic nations. Performing Nazi salutes and shouting 'Heil Hitler'.

Now, as bad as this was... you could have just drawn it out as shitty edgelord humor; we still have plenty of that going on today.

H-however. There were two factors that made this photoshoot 50 Shades of Tasteless.

Number one. This photoshoot took place during Passover.

And number two. The mall that this photoshoot took place at...

WAS JUST A HOP, SKIP, AND A JUMP FROM THE UNITED STATES HOLOCAUST MUSEUM!!!

This is the one, THE ONE, instance where, anytime someone talks about 'lol, young Hetalia fans are so cringey', this is what pops into my head.

Those of us older members of the fandom can never fucking forget this. Yeah, the perpetrators were called out; yeah, they learned their lessons, yeah it opened up a conversation about appropriate behavior in fandom. But this one event will always remain as the big 'Ooh, baby, nooooo! What are you doing?!' moment in the fandom.

Even moreso than what the current batch of hatedum is about.

Magnitude of Controversy – Huge. The South Korea controversy was discussed on a governmental scale, but the Passover Photoshoot is what remains as the biggest mark on the fandom.

Controversy 4 - FUCKING FUNIMATION!!

Okay, I... 

This one is so infuriating because it’s the result of Funimation just not giving a DAMN.

So, Hetalia got popular enough to be localized! Yay... And it was going to be handled by Funimation. Yay... They do quality work... Sometimes.

*kicks the Black Butler dub into the sun*

So, they dubbed Hetalia. And, you know what? So many questionable decisions went into this fucking dub. 

You have Vic Mignogna! You! *clap* Have! *clap* Vic! *clap* Mignogna! You could have easily put him as one of the Axis characters or the Allied characters and you...

Don’t use him...

Until three seasons down the line...

And then you have him as Greece. 

A character who barely says anything.

... And this was WAY before the clusterfuck of KickVic, so they really had no excuse. 

Oh, also! For China, who is a main character, maybe we should have an actual voice-actor?

Pssh! Fuck that shit, let’s just have some random chick from accounting voice him. 

... They literally had some random-chick from accounting do an overly stereotypical Chinese accent and said ‘yeah, that’s fine; print!’

And she gave us such... wonderful line-reads as: during the Hetalia movie Paint It, White! --

“SUCK BALLS! I knew za fortune cookie today was bad ruck~!”

But as bad as the dub got sometimes (Oh God, I’m having war flashbacks of Russia...), the exchange from the dub that people constantly point to as ‘see! This show was antisemitic all along!’ were these: 

Exchange 1 - 

S. Italy/Romano - ‘Hey asshole, I have a surprise for you~!’

Germany - ‘What is it? Another Jew?’

And, you know what? As asinine and idiotic as that brief exchange was... 

IT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL MATERIAL!

Funimation, in their infinite wisdom, wrote that in and thought ‘yeah, that’s fine; print!’

So, there goes another issue of ‘problem that only existed because of the idiocy of a Western presence’.

Magnitude of Controversy - Well, people are still talking about it, despite it literally being because of Funimation’s laziness, so...

'Controversy' 5 – The Civil War fanart

So, this segment will be short because it doesn't even need to exist. But, you may have noticed an upsurge in people hating on the series again; even going so far as to raid Discord servers for fans of the series with gore.

Hell, I even scrolled past one person doing a 'call to arms' for people to spam any server that has to do with Hetalia as a big 'gotcha'.

And you wanna know where this fandom-wank started?

Someone on tumblr re-posted an old piece of... questionable chibi fanart of Confederate!America and Union!America. Union!America is hiding a slave woman behind him while shouting at Confederate!America to 'Pick your own damn cotton!'

(deep breath... okay)

And, while the art in of itself is... not great, the fact that it is an old piece of fanart and that someone posted it onto tumblr for the 'lol, look at this cringe' lolz, is what rallied some people to start shitting on fans of the show and raiding servers.

There also may have been some drama over on picrew by some teenage LGBT user lashing out at the whole 'stop spamming Picrew with gay shit' sentiment and then some edgelord over on this hellsite screencapping their game and talking about 'lol, of course it would be a cringey Hetalian to post some dumb shit like this; get off the site, queer' but, honestly, this last one, while being the reason why people are acting dumber than usual, is the most inconsequential.

Magnitude of the Controversy – It would be minimal at best, especially compared to the other ones in this write-up, but like I said, it does have some trickling into the current hatedumb.

So, yeah, here was my little write-up/mini-dive into the madness. You guys can let me know if you want more insight or if you have any questions, and I love you and buh-bye!

#fandom-wank #fandom history

[naromoreau]

From the writing prompts. ‘ sit still and let me take a look! ’ For your choice!

Thank you so much for this! This one is my first John Seed/ F!Dep ficlet that turned out into idk what seriously. lol 

Thank you so much to @seedsplease for allow me to use her OC, Levi the peggie in this fic! ____________________________________________

It’d been a bad idea now that she ran her train of thoughts backwards. Attacking Seed Ranch under the moonlight, half-wasted and maybe a bit bliss-highed, under the blurry daydream that everything was just an extension of her Metal Gear Solid campaign was stupid. And it wasn’t even a pivotal stratagem because as far as she knew, the younger Seedling was still tucked away in his harrowing dungeon at the Bunker.

But she needed to prove a point. To herself. She needed to know she wasn’t afraid of coming back and jump head first into the free-for-all clusterfuck in Hope County. She unconsciously dragged her fingertips over her scarred chest while memories of her close encounter with the self proclaimed Baptist harred through her mind. No, she wasn’t afraid of John. But fuck, the injury still hurt her pride. And she’ll well damn return the favor, snatching his own house from under his very nose.

In a haze, her hand closed around the trigger of her sniper rifle and aimed. If only her targets would stop wobbling. Really, drinking while working. These peggies had no shame. She took the shot, but the bullet collided against a flammable cylinder next to the porch, exploding in a magnificent fire Sharky would definitely have approved.

“Oops.”

The flames licked the balustrade, now spreading to the stairs and she revelled with a devilish grin in the bewilderment and panic painted in the faces of the peggies.

“Put that fire down, and someone explain to me how this happened!” A man in a leather trench coat, probably the one in charge, moved hurriedly among the crowd that had gone haywire. “Brother John is going to be furious!”

She stifled a laugh biting the flap of her flannel, and adjusted her scope, drawing a bead on yet another red cylinder. Unfortunately the alcohol had damped her reflexes significantly and she tripped with the root of a nearby tree.

“You hear that?” A nearby man, dressed in the unfashionable peggie-mayonnaise craned his neck to where she was hiding, and slowly trod in her direction.

Oh fuck. She drew her pistol and turnt up as she was her shots missed the peggie’s head by good five inches hitting him in the shoulder. Mayhem unleashed at the first blast throwing to the trash bin her stealthy maneuvers.

“Sinners!”

The outside of the house crawled within seconds with a heavily armed crew, as bullets snickered in the air, rippling the silence around her. She rolled to a side, as her previous spot was soon overrun by overzealous goons looking for her blindly. She took one, two, three guards down, before dodging enemy gazes behind a bush at the very front of the house, choking with the smell of gunsmoke.

“There! Behind those bushes!”

Shit was getting problematic. Her attention snapped at the shouted words, her ears ringing by the bullets landing closer and closer to her, and before she could veer off course, two projectiles shredded the skin of her arm and abdomen.

She yelped loudly. It hurt like a motherfucker.

“Stop the fire!”

She paled to her lips. Damn. She knew that voice; that cloying tone still sending shivers down her spine. Fighting through the agonizing pain, she lifted her eyes and her ragged breath caught in her throat. Apparently her intel was wrong. Fucking Dutch. John Seed stood at the threshold, slowly descending the partly charred stairs with that smug walk of his that she found equally magnetizing and loathsome.

Everyone froze in place as he closed the distance to where she was hunched down, soaked in her own blood, drawing breath after breath to quell her…fear?

“Take her inside,” he said signaling to a burly man that stood with his head bowed next to him. The darkness and the loss of blood made everything seem bleary, so she wasn’t sure if his words really carried streaks of concern or was just her heart thundering in her ears. His blue eyes could’ve carved her soul, etching deeper than his needle.

“Fuck off John. I rather take a bullet to the head than spent a minute with you alone, again.” She hawked blood and saliva at his feet, glaring at him. She knew it was futile, like the pathetic little roars of a kitten trapped in a dark alley.

A gamut of emotions flickered on his face and she could’ve sworn pain waved back at her for a fleeting second, before disappearing behind a self-satisfied grin.

“Don’t tempt me my dear.”

She huffed and kicked hopelessly when his subordinate carried her bridal style into the house but her legs felt shaky and weak, and the effort puffed all the air out of her lungs. She shot a final glance behind her where another peggie picked up her forgotten rifle and pistol, dragging them away from her. She grunted.

Once they were inside, she chewed down a malicious comment. So much for humbleness. John Seed’s Ranch was lush and elegant, looking more like a luxurious lodge than a battle post.

“Put her in the couch,” John said standing at the center of the living room.

She untangled her arms of the unfairly broad shoulders of the peggie as he placed her down carefully. He gave her a final mistrustful gaze, and stood next to the door.

“Should I post guards at the door, Brother John?”

John fidgeted with a pocket knife before closing it, placing it on the coffee table, a lopsided grin tugging his lips. “No, Levi. She’s barely a threat at this point.”

His comment lit the fire in her blood. “Maybe you should listen to Levi, John.” She cocked an eyebrow, stomping down a wince, as her side and arm throbbed in pain.

“Leave us,” John said to the peggie, ignoring her completely.

Her heart was thumping so hard, she could feel it under every inch of her skin, whatever amount of blood left in her system pooling in her cheeks.

“Relax my dear,” he said sauntering towards her, his boots tapping against the wooden floor as the tickle of a doomsday clock, drawing closer and closer. “I’m not going to hurt you, trust me.” He sat at the edge of the couch, face relaxed and attentive.

“Ah- kinda hard to believe man,” she said, brows furrowed, trying to scoot backwards and away from him, “last time you were very determined to do some very hard damage.”

John drew a hand forward, as if he intended to touch her and she shivered. He heaved a sigh, pulling back. “I think you need medical attention first, Deputy.”

“Yeah, so ah- could you let me go?” she asked as he stood up, fumbling between the things of a near cabinet.

“So you can bleed out on your way to wherever is you’re going?” His voice came muffled as he was half stuck into the mahogany furniture.

Sweat beads fell down her forehead, flyaway strands of hair sticking to her temples. “You said so yourself, I need medical attention,” she bit back, fighting back a grimace.

He made his way back to her, holding a first aid kit. Oh great.

“And that’s what you’re getting,” he said sitting again next to her. “Now sit still and let me take a look.”

He took gauze and clean cloth along with a peroxide bottle and some antiseptic gel out of the box. She bit her lower lip. There wasn’t much she could do in her position, and who was she to look the gift horse in the mouth. If he was offering his help, she could well accept it to ebb away the ache in her body. After all, she didn’t want to see wrath flooding him as she’d seen in the bunker.

So she held her arm in front of him.

“This is just a scrap, you’ll be fine,” he said brushing gently the red burned flesh, grabbing her wrist with a merciful grip, almost kind. Almost tender.

What the hell was going on?

“That’s a relief.” The irreality of the situation was kicking her in the gut. Only three weeks ago this same man had thrown her into hell, alive and breathing, searing in her mind memories too gruesome to forget.

“Now, darling, where is the other?” he said, throwing the bloodied cloth on a trash bin and preparing a new one.

She flushed beet red. Modesty wasn’t something she particularly enforced, especially not under duress but there was something about John that rattled her walls, whether she wanted to admit it or not. “Ah…”

“We don’t have all day my dear Deputy.” He looked at her with a tinge of exasperation.

Her breath was shallow but she managed to control it. “Okay, fine, fine, hold on.” She pulled off her torn shirt, placing it in the floor and twisted her upper body so he could see the wound at the side of her abdomen.

There was a slight delay in his answer she didn’t fail to notice. “It looks- uh, it looks nastier than the other one,” John said, flicking out his tongue in an unconscious gesture, barely grazing her skin with shaky fingers in a place Rook didn’t feel any pain at all.

“Uh, John?” she side eyed him, watching him struggle to keep his charming, nonchalant facade.

He inhaled deeply and the air let out his lungs in a short blow. “I’m sorry my dear, I’ll clean this right away.”

He started working on her skin with the precision of a surgeon, shushing her when the pain of the chemics burned her skin and she cried out.

“Can I ask you something?” She said with a low moan as the pain began to subside, her head buried in her arms, as he kept working.

“I doubt a ‘no’ would deter you of doing so, darling.” He shot her a sincere smile and something tumbled in her stomach.

Pathetic.

“Am I leaving your Ranch in a coffin?” she spluttered, brushing aside the flurry of emotions galloping inside her.

“Don’t be absurd. If I wanted you dead I would’ve done so before you torched half my property and killed half my guards,” he said casually, as he spread the gauze, dressing her wound. “No, Deputy. I don’t want you dead. I want  you saved.”

And there he was again. The John she knew, but severely toned down, the maniacal edges that flickered to life during their last encounter, subdued.

“Thanks?” She offered. “I don’t understand, last time was so-”

“Rough?” He cut her off, chuckling. “I know, and I should apologize.”

Her face shifted from curiosity to certified wariness. “Excuse me?”

He finished his handiwork and leveled his gaze with hers. Christ in Heaven, those blue eyes. Sometimes cold as lakes in the winter, yet other times filled with warm, sparkling life as it was the case right now.

“After you left, Joseph spoke to me, and he, eh, he showed me my ways were wrong, that I wouldn’t get what I–,” he stopped and cleared his throat, “what the Project wants from you out of fear.”

“And what’s that?”

“That you truly accept us in your heart.”

A clear laughter rang in her ears. Her own laughter. The sound so unfamiliar, it cracked a shudder on her body.

“And how do you intend to do that?,” she asked, certainly curious.

He stood up and placed the first aid kit away and her body complained silently and unwittingly for his absence. “I want to show you that pain is not the only thing I–,” he sighed, shaking his head, “that we can offer you. I want to show you that is love what opens the Gates, and you should embrace it.”

Her mouth had gone dry, and she was barely able to resist as John came back and effortlessly swooped her in his arms. Solid, muscular arms, that lifted her as if she was light as a feather. The minty spice of his scent flared up her nose, eliciting a sigh she was determined to attribute to her dog-tired state. This wasn’t happening. Maybe she was stuck in one of Faith’s fucking Bliss crops, dozing off and any minute now Sharky was going to wake her up setting her on fire by accident. As a hundred times before.

He carried her up the stairs to an empty room with a full size bed, and placed her on top.

“This will be your home for a while,” he said sitting next to her and tucking auburn strands of hair behind her ears and everything she could do was look at him, astonished and rattled. “Don’t think about leaving, my darling, because everything you need is here.”

He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and walked away. As she saw him disappearing from her sight the thought that haunted her the most was that to her dismay, leaving, was the last thing on her mind.  

#Far cry 5 #fanfiction #john seed x deputy #I seriously don't know what's this #BUT HEY I USED LEVI #seigephoenix

[gottacatchghosts]

Boy King

This is for Phic Phight 2019! I’m on Team Human, with team leader @currently-lurking!

Prompt: Danny is heir to the throne of the Ghost King, much to the displeasure of the Observants. He's just trying to survive his senior year.

Word count: 2605

Prompt by: @cheshire-kas​

Characters: Danny, Head Observant (and other Observants), Frostbite, minor mentions of Sam, Tucker, and Dora

Warnings: slight language

Extra notes: didn’t get as much into the annoying the observants or senior year parts, but they’ve been touched on and i think that counts lol

[writing tag] | [Phic Phight 2019 tag] | [My fills] | [fic index]

FFN/AO3 links to come following the end of the event.

Honestly, if Danny had known, way back in the day, what defeating the Ghost King in single man combat meant, he would have insisted that someone help him, even if it meant someone like Plasmius. As it were, he didn’t know, and didn’t ask for help, and now here he is, three and half years later, barely seventeen, starting his last year of high school tomorrow, and the Head Observant, whom Danny has never met and doesn’t know the real name of, is sitting in his living room drinking tea with a frazzled Jazz and discussing mundane topics without a care in either world.

Danny considers going back to bed before deciding it wouldn’t be worth it.

“Um,” he begins, eloquent as usual, “can I help you?”

The Head Observant swivels to face him with his single eye and Danny sees Jazz slump in relief behind the ghost’s back. “Danny Phantom.” The ghost rises to stand—float—and approaches him. “We have much to discuss.”

Danny leans away, nose scrunching at the disgust in the Head Observant’s voice. (Danny really either needs to learn this guy’s name or come up with a nickname, fast, because even in the comfort of his own mind, “Head Observant” is getting old and annoying quick.) “Can we not?”

“Impudent child!” HO—Danny mentally snorts and decides to keep the shortening—snaps, his monobrow narrowing in displeasure. “Ancients help us, for we are all doomed.”

Danny rolls his eyes. Danny’s heard enough stories from Clockwork to know how dramatic the Observants are, HO especially. “Yeah yeah, double death and all that. Did you just come here to call me names or did you want something?” Danny calls forth just enough energy to light up his eyes, a subtle sign of just how much he doesn’t want HO to be here.

HO huffs and Danny hides a triumphant smirk, pleased with how easy it is to get under the ghost’s skin. “If you are quite finished,” he begins, ignoring the scoff that Danny gives, “you will accompany me to the Infinite Realms at once. The High Council demands your presence.”

“Yeah, not happening,” Danny says, crossing his arms. “See, I got school tomorrow, last first day and all, and I’m not letting any ghost problems get in the way of that. I might not know a lot about Ghost Zone politics, but I do know that these Council meetings or whatever can take days to be done with, so whatever this is, it can wait until Friday afternoon.”

HO starts sputtering and Danny hopes Clockwork is watching. Jazz is wide eyed and anxious, glancing between Danny and HO, and Danny flashes he a thumb’s up at the hip. She squints at him and Danny bites his lip to keep from laughing.

“Now. If you’ll excuse me,” Danny says, stepping pointedly around HO and towards the front door, “I have stuff to do today.” He opens the door and glances over his shoulder. “Feel free to see yourself out.”

The last thing Danny hears as he leaves is a particularly nasty ghost swear. It leaves him laughing for hours.

Friday afternoon, at exactly three-thirty, HO shows up directly in front of Danny, Sam, and Tucker, two lesser observants at his sides.

Danny sighs and palms his face. “I can’t even be mad,” he mumbles. “I did tell you to wait.”

The lesser observants already look pissed and Danny takes pride in the fact that it’s because of him. HO looks mildly annoyed and Danny wonders, spontaneously, if it’s because of Clockwork. (It would explain how the three ghosts were able to appear in the middle of Amity Park without alerting his Ghost Sense, but then again, Danny isn’t quite sure of the extent of the Observant’s powers. Maybe they can teleport or create portals like Wulf. Danny’s never asked because he’s never cared.)

“Danny Phantom,” HO booms, pointedly ignoring Danny’s wince and his attempts to get him to lower his voice, “your presence is requested by the High Council of the Infinite Realms to discuss matter of great importance. If you would follow me—”

“Yeah that’s great, and I’d love to go,” Not, “but I gotta stop by my house first. My parents will wonder where I’m at and I gotta get some stuff.”

HO’s singular eye twitches and the less Observants look incensed behind HO’s back, frantically whispering amongst themselves. Danny thinks he picked up the word “blasphemy” and bites down on a smirk. “You have one hour,” HO practically hisses, and then the three are gone, as if they were never there.

Sam and Tucker blink at Danny and then each other. “Did that really happen?” Tucker asks, nudging Danny’s arm as they continue making their way to FentonWorks. “What do they want?”

“Is this what you were laughing about all day Tuesday?” Sam adds, raising a brow. “The supposedly hilarious thing you couldn’t tell us about?”

Danny shrugs at Tucker while nodding at Sam. “Yeah. The Head Observant showed up at my house Tuesday morning and wanted me to go with him then, but I told him to wait. Didn’t think he’d listen. They must really want me to be there.”

“Yeah, but for what?” Tucker asks again, giving Danny the puppy eyes. “C’mon dude, spill!”

“I don’t actually know,” Danny says, shoving Tucker away by the face, heedless of the other boy’s squawk of outrage. “What you guys heard is pretty much all I know, too.”

“Need us to come with you?” Sam offers.

“Nah. I need you guys ready to cover for me in case the meeting or whatever runs long.” Danny shakes his head. “Clockwork and Frostbite have both told me that the Zone doesn’t really have much of a concept of time compared to here, so the meetings can last until they eventually work out whatever they were trying to figure out or they get tired of arguing about it.”

Tucker whistles, already over his manhandling. “Sucks for you, dude.”

Danny waves his off. “It’s fine, I have an overnight bag ready just in case. Loaded it full of snacks and some stuff to do in case I get bored—which I will. But yeah, that’s why I need you guys here. My parents have lightened up a lot, but if I’m gone all weekend they might start to worry.”

“No problem, Danny, we got your back!” Tucker swings and arm around Danny’s shoulders and ruffles his hair, startling Danny into a screech of his own. “This is revenge, short stack! Take it like a champ!”

Sam rolls her eyes. Idiots.

An hour and a half later, Danny is following HO and a couple lesser observants through the Ghost Zone at a pace Danny would considering a casual stroll. After saying goodbye to his friends, Danny had gone straight to Jazz to fill her in before he left for the Zone. It didn’t take long, but the problem came twenty minutes later when he realized he had no idea where he was going.

He wandered kind of aimlessly for a while, asking passing ghosts for directions to a place none of them knew how to get to, before he decided to do the smart thing and ask Clockwork. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, HO and his posse found Danny on his way there.

Needless to say, HO was not happy.

Finally, the four of them arrive at what Danny can only describe as a clusterfuck of observatories. It would be pretty cool, he thinks, if not for the giant eye at its center that seems to follow their movements as they approach. HO and the lesser Observants ignore it, so Danny does his best to not look at it, lest he make a fool of himself in front of who knows how many ghosts.

Danny follows HO to the interior of the place, and he grimaces at the sheer number of eyeballs all over the place. HO eventually leads them to a room that looks kind of like a stadium with seats arranged in a bowl shape, leaving the middle empty and giving the entire audience a clear view of the center. Hanging from the ceiling are what look like actual eyes, optical nerves and all. Looking directly at one, Danny can see that where the iris and pupil should be, there’s either a window or some type of screen, allowing for more viewers.

Danny is half expecting to see the seats filled with more of the one-eyed wonders, but instead, there’s a huge assortment of all kinds of different ghosts from all over the Zone. Amongst them, Danny spots Dora and her advisor, Pandora, Frostbite and his second in command, and Clockwork. Danny gives each of them a smile and a wave, and the HO is ushering him to the center of the room, chiding him to be quiet.

HO and his lackies take up a position behind a podium where at least a dozen other Observants wait for their leader to return. The crowd of ghosts looks impatient and Danny almost feels bad for making them wait on him.

Oh well. Too late now.

“Order! Order!” HO shouts, raising his voice to be heard above the idle chatter of the gathered ghosts. “The High Council of the Infinite Realms tribunal is now in session!”

“Wait,” Danny says, eyes blowing wide. “Am I on trial? For what?”

“Be at ease, Great One,” Frostbite calls down to him, his voice a balm on Danny’s suddenly electrified nerves. “You have done nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong!” a ghost that Danny doesn’t know snaps, amidst a smattering of agreeing grumbles. “He’s just a boy!”

“Silence!” HO demands, raising his hands. The noise dies down and Danny frowns, wishing he could be anywhere else. “We are here today to discuss the fate of the Infinite Realms and what this means in regard to Danny Phantom.”

Danny’s brow furrows. He has no idea what he has to do with the Ghost Zone as a whole but he has a feeling he’s not going to like it.

“Perhaps it would be best to be forward with Sir Phantom,” Dora suggests from across the room, raising a pointed eyebrow at HO as he gestures with one hand to Danny.

HO grumbles to himself briefly, then straightens to his full height. “Danny Phantom’s defeat of the former Ghost King Pariah Dark nearly three years ago means that he, by the Right of Conquest, is to be crowned the new King of All Ghosts.”

The room immediately bursts into cacophonous noise, but Danny hears none of it. His vision tunnels and he hears his heart pounding in his ears and the next thing he knows, he’s sitting outside and Frostbite is rubbing soothing circles on his back with his ice hand.

“Are you alright, Great One?” Frostbite asks once Danny finally looks at him, expression clearing up.

“I—” Danny chokes on his own voice and searches for his duffle bag, digging out a bottle of water. He chugs half of it before he has to stop and catch his breath. “I don’t know?” he asks more than says, clutching the half empty bottle like a lifeline.

“It would be okay if you were not,” Frostbite assures him. “It is not every day that one is named Crown Prince.”

Danny’s breath hitches and he chokes again, curling into a ball. “Oh god.”

Frostbite watches sympathetically for a moment, then shifts to tuck Danny against his side. “Do not fret, Great One. No one expects you to claim the throne right away. That would be asking entirely too much of you. You are young, especially in terms of your ghost half, so you must first be prepared before you are to assume any position of power.”

“Oh god,” Danny says again, voice strained, as he presses closer to the yeti ghost.

Frostbite frowns. “Are you alright, Great One?” he asks again, concern heavy in his voice.

“I can’t do this, Frostbite. I can’t be the king. I don’t know the first thing about it! I don’t know politics or the, the culture, none of it! I barely know how I work as a ghost, and I spend like half my time fighting people!” Danny clutches his hair and stares up at Frostbite, eyes wide and glowing a brighter green than usual in his panic. “I can’t do this!”

Frostbite shushes him gently and hugs him close, carding a hand through Danny’s soft white hair. “You will be a fantastic ruler one day. There is much you need to learn, but you have plenty of time. The Infinite Realms has been without a uniting monarch for centuries. It will last a number more years without you at its head.”

“No one’s gonna be happy about this,” Danny argues, allowing his shoulders to relax as he leans against his friend and mentor.

“You cannot please everyone, Great One,” Frostbite says with a chuckle. “But despite the dissenters, you have earned your title as Crown Prince, and the Ancient Law is to be respected and upheld by all. There will always be those who will oppose your rule, but over time, even the hottest of tempers will cool.”

Danny shakes his head, tense and jittery. “But there’s so much I don’t know! I’m gonna offend someone or something and start a war and then everyone’s gonna hate me even more than they already do because I’m always fighting them and I’m half human and I’m not a real ghost and I do nothing be get into trouble and start shit with my big mouth and I haven’t even finished high school yet and—!”

“Danny,” Frostbite says, startling him to silence as a large, clawed hand delicately captures his chin, “you are going to be amazing.”

Danny blinks once, twice, and on the third, he feels his eyes burn with unshed tears. He takes a deep, shaky breath, and then another. “You really think so?” he asks, voice weak.

Frostbite smiles, the expression warm. “I know so.”

Danny smiles back and shoves the heels of his hands into his eyes, giving a shaky laugh as he watches the stars behind his closed lids. “Okay.” He swallows hard. “Okay. I believe you.”

“Good!” Frostbite says, pulling Danny to his feet with a booming laugh. Danny laughs with him, more a single huff than true laughter, but it’s something. “Now! The High Council is waiting for us to return!”

Danny sighs. “Yeah.” He slouches for a moment before straightening up, a slow smirk drifting across his face. “Hey, what if I don’t go back in there?” Frostbite tilts his head and allows Danny to explain. “It’s not just because I don’t want to, even though that’s also true, but also… I really don’t like the Head Observant.”

Frostbite laughs again. “Clockwork has mentioned that you have taken on his habit of doing your best to annoy them.” A mischievous glint enters his yellow eyes and he grins. “Who am I to deny you this simple pleasure?”

Danny grins and hugs his mentor. “Thanks Frostbite! You’re the best!”

Frostbite hugs him back and then gives him a nudge. “Such high praise!” He gives a dramatic sigh. “It is such a shame that you were feeling unwell and had to return home immediately. Goodbye, Great One. We will see each other again soon.”

Danny laughs and waves as he flies off, duffle bag strung over his shoulder. He can’t wait to hear the story from Clockwork later. It’s a good distraction from the whole King thing.

Eh. He’ll deal with that later.

#danny phantom #phic phight #phic phight 19 #dp fanfic #fanfic #my fills pp19 #kiera writes fics #danny #frostbite #Observants #title sucks #ending sucks #but hey! #it's done!

[mswyrr]

lucifer s4 trailer

I think it looks really good! It looks like they’re digging into character and theme stuff I’ve wanted them to handle in depth.

Chloe

They started out well in S1&2 balancing the romance but I think that they delayed the reveal just a little too long with the stretched out S3, so here we’re getting the chance to catch up with important elements of Chloe’s side of things. Notably, her moral/identity struggle. It’s been limited by her lack of knowledge and that worked at first but leaning too heavily on Lucifer’s POV tends to lean towards pedestalizing her. She’s not actually PURE (tm) or else she wouldn’t find him so attractive as a person. As I mentioned in my meta post here, telling a “monster romance” like this, from the monster’s pov, does have that weakness of potentially not giving enough material on the fact that the heroine is attracted to the monster as a way of relating to her own darkness/suppressed desires.

And that is, I think, what she has to cope with here: she’s drawn to this person on a deep, soulful (in addition to physical lol) level. (When it was just physical, she wasn’t into him. She’s genuinely into him as a person.) He speaks to something in her deepest self... and now she has to deal with the horrifying moral/ethical/existential mindfuck of it turning out that this person she rings so true with--who is something to her no one else has ever been, who touches her heart in a way no one else has been able to reach--is, you know, SATAN lmao

Not “canon Satan” but still... And she just had a horrible clusterfuck of a relationship with Cain, so Biblical Evil is not exactly looking that shiny right now.

Linda never rang true soulfully with the guy like that - they just banged, you know? They’re good friends and they used to bang. And her self-identity isn’t structured so strongly around a fundamentally moral worldview as Chloe. Sure, Linda is a wonderful person! But her pov is more interpersonal/psychological, whereas Chloe really centers herself in her own deep thinking on what Right and Wrong are - something she’ll go against the tide of other peoples’ opinions to defend. She can be so strong! BUT the one thing that can absolutely destroy her is if her foundations are shaken...

Without that core she’s lost. She has to rebuild it from the ground up.

She’s an intensely moral atheist thrown into a world where all this supernatural crap is real and btw... this figure she was so drawn to, this trickstery sweetheart, kinda nuts but at his worst a self-destructive “homeless magician” is something far, far different than she thought.

Her foundations are how she manages to be so strong for others. That core of truth she’s worked out for herself. And that’s been ripped away. 

Lucifer is himself, with all the issues we know so well, so he’s really focused on his own self-worth stuff but IMO her conflict isn’t exclusively or primarily about whether she loves him enough, it’s about her own identity issues and this big question of “What even IS right and wrong in this new world?” and “Am I allowed to want this?” “What does it say about me that I love this person so much?”

Eve

This show is good about letting female characters be flawed and even do awful things but still be treated with narrative sympathy. I think Eve’s “You don’t have to change. You’re already perfect.” is clearly setting her up as representing the antithesis of the entire damn show, textually and meta-textually. It’s all about growth and redemption and change and she’s planting her flag against that.

IMO her classical role with Lucifer has been reversed: this time *she’s* the one offering the temptation.

And it’s not even about sex, drugs, and such. It’s just: give up and stop doing the painful work of growing. It hurts, why bother?

But I also trust that she will be handled with as much care as, say, Mum was, so I’m SO TOTALLY down for her. What she’s telling him is probably a lot about herself and her own issues - in choosing to have Eve show up they’ve got a female character who has been as misrepresented and vilified as Lucifer himself, which is going to be significant (since apparently she’s very no1curr about him killing her son??? LOL Okay, hey, if I had a son like that... /snort/).

Like, Eve was used to justify the oppression of women for centuries in the West. It was no joke. Early feminists actually had to reinterpret her in order to articulate their position. (“Eve’s Apology in Defense of Women” from 1611 by Amelia Lanyer is a personal fave of mine, in terms of women’s literary work and women’s history.)

I really hope that this show will give her due respect as a female mythological/religious/etc figure. In their wonderfully stylized totally bananas way ofc! They have a good track record on BONKERS theology and writing complex women, so I have every reason to be optimistic.

Overall Themes

For her part, I think the images of Chloe walking into the Catholic church and talking to the spooky religious guy is all about her being tempted in the opposite direction. Eve is all: go wild! Stop trying to work to be better, just be the perfect devil you are! And Chloe might very well be tempted by the comforting absolutism and clear “hard work” of the forms of false certainty people offer.

They did a really good job showing self-righteousness as a sin with Amenadiel’s fall and I think it would be really cool to represent moral certainty as a kind of “apple” that Chloe-as-New-Eve is tempted with now that her foundations have been ripped away.

Again, like with Eve--but doubly so because the writers love Chloe--I am confident this will be handled well.

IMO the core of the show is a kind of humanism/human goodness. Lucifer was broken by the cold absolutism of the celestial vision of goodness. And the fact that evil very much isn’t his thing either. Heaven and hell weren’t home, as he said to to Mum. LA is the only place he’s found belonging, and it’s explicit in the canon that it’s not just the place, it’s a person.

The warmth of the kind of fierce humanistic morality and love Chloe embraces, that feels like home. Humans let you be messy and incomplete and still worthy of love. They embrace struggle. They come up with genius things like “therapy.” They glory in all their contradictions.

They can, like Chloe, believe there is no God and yet be incredibly decent and loving.

She’s off-kilter because of the reveal and so too is he, each in their own way. They’re supposed to balance each other so when one is struggling the other will too. The goodness the show is aiming for can be compromised either by a truly selfish hedonism that doesn’t care about trying to do better by others or also by a moral absolutism which is harsh and unkind. This is because self-righteousness is ultimately also putting your own satisfaction above the well-being of others, just like a selfish hedonism is. The pleasures of the two are superficially different, but at core they’re the same. I think it’s cool paralleling if they’re tempted by these respective sins in the show’s moral vision.

The idea of them both being tempted and struggling and then coming back together could be really amazing. With the clearly increased budget for visuals, I am hoping we get a really great poetic visual moment of them coming back together. That could make for an eXCELLENt arc.

#deckerstar #lucifer netflix #lucifer meta #my meta #lucifer spoilers #long post

[sarcasticshutter]

Man, a lot happens in a year: Number 2020

Started these yearly reviews back when I was in high school lol, and def haven’t done it every year (or if I did they’re not all on tumblr. Who knows, cause I feel like I’ve done more than I’ve found here) but I’d like to reflect on 2020 because wow. It obviously feels to everyone like a lost year where all you did was sit around at home and mourn all the normal things and the plans and the big life goals that have been fully stopped in their tracks thanks to a little (ongoing) global pandemic. 

Hello to future me, hope things are well. Shit sure is strange and tenuous at the moment lol. But it’ll all get unstuck again and the world will start turning soon enough. You know that. Anyway from where I’m sitting right now, it’s kind of hard to remember anything that’s happened this year. It feels like I’ve blinked and a year has been omitted from my life, aside from the first three months of 2020 where I was still very much out and rolling on my life-momentum and doing exciting things. So I just want to convince myself that things *have* happened this year, and actually they haven’t been so bad, and to reflect on life going on despite the odd flavor permeating everything this year. I’m glad that’s all I have to complain about because I guess feeling stuck isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person. I digress. Here’s the highlights I’ve meandered through this year with my eyes closed apparently lol. Please enjoy them with me as I remember them again:

Travelled to Belize, Mexico, Jamaica, Haiti, the Cayman Islands, St Thomas (and probably more) Caribbean islands on the final months of my ship contract

Got to live through the distinctly odd and certainly once in a lifetime experience of being stranded on a cruise ship as the world shut all of its borders in March to reduce transmission of a global pandemic. Feels surreal to think about all the stuff I was seeing as it happened and how that’s probably a very small percentage of people on this planet who were...forgive me...in that boat at that moment in our collective history. So eerie, but with the calm of knowing you don’t know how bad it actually is out there. The self awareness that this is bigger than you can comprehend yet. Eye of the storm type feeling

St Patricks day party on that cruise ship when the rest of the world had ground to a halt and we all were stranded out there isolating as one sealed off covid pod of crewmembers, because if one of us on the ship had it we were all gonna have it. So no use distancing among us at that point. We had no guests left on board and had a huge end of the world party on the pool deck with full use of the guest pools and bars lol

Came home and life slowed waaaay down in march/april. Hiked with mom and dad, saw a lot more of the cats, had a wholly uneventful zoom birthday in early April for my 26th. A weird birthday for what felt like a strange age for me. 26 just fit weird as a number, I’m much more switched on for 27 for some reason. This one coming up feels more right somehow

Spent time in the pool, and doing a lot of yoga which has carried me through this whole year as a constant mellower of things for me mentally. A repeated exercise in re-grounding

Visited Alex in Flagstaff! Got to see meteor crater and spent a cute weekend in a little air bnb with my family, and did some aspen-y hiking as well

Bought my first car with my own money outright, that I’d been saving for the whole time I was in NYC. Been learning to be comfortable driving since I’ve never felt that way in my life lol, but I do think I’m less stressed behind the wheel now than I’ve ever been. Has been so nice to finally be combing through that anxiety. Finally was ready for it I guess

Started a (very long distance) relationship with a friend from the ship. He’s been a huge relief as far as someone to lean on through this year and a great sounding board for frustrations/lifeline to some feeling of sanity a good number of times. Shit is weird but taking this step still feels right, so we’ll see where tf this relationship is going haha

Moved to Tucson with a bff from college. A gigantic help for my sanity as far as getting a feeling of self reliance back and feeling like I have my own space. Soso grateful to be able to be sharing her home with her

Got a part time job so I could not feel so helplessly tied to the clusterfuck that has been unemployment insurance this year. Still have a lot to sort out with that... Glad to be earning my own cash, and glad that the weird little ragtag group of coworkers I’ve found myself with are actually a group of good hearts 

Pumpkin carving and a night hike up in Phoenix with my family for Halloween. And made sure I dropped off my early voting ballot to see that fucker out of office lol

Sweet god, Biden’s horrendously way too close presidential win. Can you imagine the other outcome... This is maybe the biggest relief of 2020 that he didn’t scrape out a second term

Outdoor attempt at a covid safe thanksgiving with my parents and my grandparents on my moms side in Phoenix

Finally had the balls to schedule a scary doctors appointment I’d been using covid to avoid going to. Got back the clean health news I had been anxious I wouldn’t receive. A huge weight off my chest that had been sitting there in the back of my thoughts since last year

Outdoor attempt at a covid safe christmas at my dads’ parents’ house in Sun City, and some cinnamon rolls and peanut butter ball making with my parents. Drove through a huge neighborhood of christmas lights and did a small mom and dad christmas gift opening on christmas eve night

Virtual new years game nights with SASH and the Joneses. Didn’t see a single firework or leave the house (heard em though) and felt surrounded by my closest friends safely even without seeing them in person

None of this stuff is all that flashy and a lot of the normal holidays or events, or even everyday things, were so much more low key and quiet this year. But it was still nice to at least have found a way to celebrate in a stripped down, sort of back to basics way. Glad to have been able to see my family so much more this year. Glad to have had countless meaningful text conversations with my friends who have had the same issues as me as far as having our entire industry unable to function for the last 9 months with no end in sight. The candidness of speaking about the difficulties everyone has had this year, but specifically sharing that weight of the arts being particularly suffocated, and having all of our young career momentums snuffed out for no reason of our own, has been soothing to commiserate about. It’s been a mentally taxing year in the hardest to describe way. But I’m glad that as hard as it is to find kind words for this year, at least it’s just boring and stuck and frustrated that are the things I’m feeling. Because I’ve managed not to lose anyone close to me, or have anyone dealing with any serious illnesses at the moment. 

(I believe) I’ve worked through all of the absolute bullshit I had on my plate in 2019. This year has been easier for me than last, as nuts as that sounds with every thing going on in 2020. I’m out of a suffocating relationship that had become very wrong for me.  Left the city that was killing me to remain stuck in. Had the courage to take this cruise job that I’d been curious about since graduation. Got to travel the world and meet amazing people I otherwise would have never known.  Met a new guy I’ve felt so much more effortlessly in sync with than I ever did in the last relationship. And that’s in an LDR lol, I can’t believe how comfortable that’s been given the ludicrous circumstances of seeing a guy from a different continent, 8 time zones away, during a global pandemic where our borders are shut to foreign visitors and we still at this moment don’t know when they’ll reopen. 

This year I’m just coasting in a house with my friend. Going to work at an easy job that covers my bills. Having the health and freedom to drive *my* car two hours to see my family way more often than I’ve seen them in the past four years. I’m feeling a lot more appreciative of my relationship with my brother, my parents, my grandparents. I’m feeling better about maybe returning to live where I’m from instead of seeing it with a chip on my shoulder. So in a lot of ways 2020 has been less of an emotional mindfuck for me than 2019 was. Or it’s at least been the landing pad to detangle everything from 2019.  I’ve been learning that maybe gathering a bit closer to a support system isn’t a weakness, but a comfort instead.

So this isn’t the tour de force bucket list I’ve grown accustomed to watching myself tackle in each year since undergrad. It’s a retracting of arms, and a regrouping to center. Being forced into looking inward at small details I hadn’t been interested in seeing lately. May be nice just to collect my feet underneath me again and take in all this chaotic crash course learning I’ve been doing the last few years before stepping back out of the plane. Time will tell if 2021 is another time of building and reflection, or a time to start taking a few shaky steps back out into whatever comes next.

What a year.

#tales of interest #2020 recap

[canonicallyanxious]

this 30 question thing?? and i have to tag 20 people lol in what universe do i have that many friends

Thanks to @evensdramaticshenanigans for tagging me! <33

nickname: don’t really... have one anymore? Just call me Sarah i suppose gender: i’m a girl i guess idk i’m not that committed star sign: gemini! height: five feet on the dot as my wonderful friends who’ve never even met me in real life so love to remind me on the daily :’] birthday: May 29th favourite bands: fuck me idk what i listen to anymore um two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, misterwives, grizzly bear, the xx, glass animals, local natives, wildcat! wildcat!, saint motel, recently got into little green cars as well, basically just a shitton of white indie rock lol [though grizzly bear and the xx are gay culture so Jot That Down] favourite solo artist: Sufjan Stevens until i die [literally play seven swans at my funeral i’m not even joking]!!! also hayley kiyoko, mirah, laura veirs, brooke waggoner, and kid cudi song stuck in my head: dusk til dawn by ZAYN/Sia, it’s such a jam??? BABY I’LL BE THEEEEEEEEEREREREREREREREEEEEEEE last movie i watched: i think it was this movie called fairhaven about a kid who gets sent to gay conversion therapy [yikes......] and when he comes back he has to navigate his relationship with his old boyfriend which, like, i was kinda dubious about, but i gave it a shot because people said there was a happy ending and the trailer looked good?? turns out they put almost all the good footage in the trailer and there’s maybe like two minutes of the entire movie i actually liked LOL the acting was good but idk the writing was... eh? also i hated how long the conversion therapy scenes were i had to skip over those because i just couldn’t do it so basically i would not recommend it unless you can find the two good minutes of the movie [which to be fair were REALLY FUCKING GOOD i mean my queer ass is absurdly weak for sleepy morning cuddles idk what you want from me] last show  watched: haven’t really had the time or emotional/mental capacity for proper tv show watching lately but i did start watching this webseries called Barbelle [it totally counts] which is about lesbian pop stars and honestly what more of a pitch could you need go watch it right now when did i start this blog: i wanna say i made it late 2010 and started using it mid 2011 but like what are dates, time is a construct, IDK what do i post: idk lol. i guess you’d call this clusterfuck a multi-fandom blog?? right now there’s a lot of skam, check please, brooklyn 99, the get down, various other gay shit, the usual Other blogs: I'm a tiny bit obsessed with sideblogs oops. let’s see what are the ones i actually want linked out there... so i’ve got an aesthetic blog, a collab blog i run with my writing partner in crime and spouse @boxesfullofthoughts, a SKAM fic rec blog i co-run with a bunch of other people now lol, a review blog i run with lyds and @pronouncingitwang we don’t really post on anymore but w/e it exists, and more private blogs than i care to admit do i get asks: not that often nah average sleep: lol lucky number: 28 dream job: the DREAM dream job [like, top tier goals] is to write stories and live like a hermit but the “this might not be my ~most ideal scenario in the most perfect world~ career but i know i would be happy and fulfilled doing this” dream job is communications in public health [preferably at a nonprofit/ngo] food: noodles! last book i read: Clifford’s Blues, had to read it for class and i’d actually highly recommend it! It’s about a gay black jazz musician imprisoned in Dachau during the Holocaust and you can tell the writer really did his research. lots of interesting things done with style and form too. it’s quite heavy though so be warned what i’m wearing: an apollo/nasa shirt i got from the kennedy space center, jeans, socks my SO gave me, and my favorite flannel 8] favorite fandoms: my cynical bitter ass thinks all fandoms kinda suck on some level lol i’m sorry i’m such a rude fucker but i guess i’ll answer this with favorite fandom i’ve written for? in which case best and worst fandom simultaneously goes to SKAM, worst because the fic culture in this fandom was really stressful and rough on my mental health at times back when i was still actively writing [rip don’t ask me why i’m not writing now believe me i want to so badly but my life is a MESS] and i’m just in general not a huge fan of the level of entitlement and harassment i see leveled toward other writers [which of all the fandoms i’ve written for probably has to be the absolute ugliest] but also best because i’ve met some of my favorite people through writing for the fandom i would otherwise not have gotten to know, which makes up for 100% of the bullshit and then some. so... yeah sorry this is kinda not a very positive answer i just figured i’d be as honest as i could

i’m tagging: 20 people????????????? fuck that i’m just gonna tag like half of that, do it if you want but don’t feel pressured! @boxesfullofthoughts, @call-this-a-mask, @pronouncingitwang, @hotchocolatenthusiast, @fox-muldr, @rumpelsnorcack, @askybison, @minyardv, @of-flowers-and-sunshine, @thelibraryiscool

#sure i'll do a thing #i got wordy as fuck in this one yikes

[vardasvapors]

for your meme: Elrond on Numenor not letting him on their lawn anymore

lmao u little…anyway:

1. Actually I hc it a bit more….Lindon refusing to come onto Numenor’s lawn anymore? Something about the timeline and - this is not a relationship of equals, or a…Numenor “defying” the elves of ME lmao. Numenor is way, way more powerful than the whole elven population of western ME at the time of the dissolution of their alliance – the gap was huge at the War of the Elves and Sauron and that was before Numenor’s spike in imperialism that now isn’t even centered on “but they GOTTA build infrastructure for their fleet for everyone’s protection!” I feel like a lot of Gil-galad’s elves privately had concerns about the Numenoreans for a long while but desperately needed their support for, like, survival. Before the war, to fight Sauron, and after the war, because Sauron had diminished the elves so badly, until finally the Numenoreans got so unbearable Lindon broke away and threw its lot in with the various peoples of ME instead. OTOH, it could have been more like….the elves groveling to Numenor for aid, until Numenor kicked them to the curb. Or trying to suggest they stop fucking ME up, until Numenor got offended. Anyway lol the period where elves were likely really troubled by the Numenoreans but are also grateful they saved them… “maybe it’s just….growing pains…like us…?” they say, brightly.

2. Either way, I think Elrond would be especially distressed by the Numenoreans plummeting down the tyranny slope on even more levels though, because a) these are his brother’s people! technically, his nephews and nieces (which is a particularly strong point given perfect elven memory!) Too historically/personally (at the same time lmao) entangled with Numenor to be objective about them (or to be perceived objectively by them, tbh). And b) Rivendell especially is likely still allied with and owes both protection and gratitude to the less powerful Eriador humans who took refuge there and joined Elrond’s army in the war after Sauron destroyed their homes (and made a big difference, looking at the evidence). Can’t imagine this subject not coming up when the Numenoreans became almost as bad. Depending on what the political climate was like and what Gil-galad allowed, if Elrond couldn’t/wouldn’t tell the Numenoreans ‘wtf are you even doing,’ I think his response would be like, *quietly withdraws*

3. OTOH I once wrote a meta, which is kinda old and narrow but still legit imo (and wow I still REALLY like my Nazgul idea), with my opinion on what a disaster it would be if Elrond ever did decide it was a good idea for him to try to convince the Numenoreans to not be such assholes and tbh I love drama.

4. kjhfsdkfjd there’s what, like almost 1,500 years between the dissolution of Numenor’s friendship with the ME elves and the Downfall? AND IT JUST GETS WORSE. So like, [internally screaming] [goes internally hoarse from internally screaming] [lol i didn’t know getting to watch over all my brother’s descendants actually meant dying inside but hey it’s whatever] [i wonder what Elros would think if he saw this?] [thank god, thank god, Elros is dead]

5. The thing about the Faithful still secretly keeping contact with Gil-galad though…imagine Elrond drowning Gil-galad in letters from the other side of Eriador - how are they? what’s happening? is anything getting better? what’s the new king like? what happened to [x out of date issue]? are they safe? etc. And probably like, being really private about it because the prevailing (and utterly justified) attitude toward the Numenoreans is likely ‘fuck them may their stupid island sink into the ocean’ and….like, I don’t think he would have assholish apologism about this. Just…….*kicking through the ashes of 2,000+ years of memories* ‘haha you know what you guys are 100% right and also kill me now.’ Tbh I think it’s this, not anti-half-elf prejudice (which isn’t really a thing in Tolkien), that would give him the worst identity crisis and cause other people to give him the most grief. The immortal clone of the Ur-Numenorean, lmao. I love irony!! I love suffering!!

6. People not mentioning Elros around him anymore. People not teasing him about his absurd overextended pseudo-family anymore. Someone sniping superciliously about how Elros must’ve been an ignorant sheltered twit to have unwittingly wrought such a poisoned worthless society, and getting their teeth knocked out. (No of course I haven’t seen that snipe on tumblr, whyever would you think that. >_> >_> >_>)

7. Tbh when it comes to the Numenoreans’ “we want to be immortal” and jealousy of the elves thing, I think he must sympathize, because I mean like……he……wanted…..to become immortal….too? He became immortal, when he was given a chance to choose otherwise? I don’t think he did it because he was afraid of death (not that I think he wasn’t afraid of death at all either, just that I don’t think it was the prime reason - I hc Elros as being fairly afraid of death too tbh) and obviously it wasn’t to go to Aman, but I don’t think those were the Numenoreans’ only issues either….to want to live! To think life is good, to want to keep doing more with it, to want to keep doing more in it, to be attached to the world and one’s culture and one’s people and to not want to leave the places and people one loves, to want to know if one’s children and grandchildren will be happy, to want to see what will happen in the future - The love of Arda was set in your hearts by Ilúvatar, and hedoes not plant to no purpose. Nonetheless, many ages of Men unborn maypass ere that purpose is made known - I can’t see him being dismissive or scornful, or even him having no feelings in general, about this element of the Numenoreans’ clusterfuck, however bad his feelings are about the rest.

#why did i think this bullet-pointed meme would make me less long winded. i'm so dumb. #erotetica #memes and assorted tumblrosity #vaporous answers #elrond #numenor #lindon #war of the elves and sauron #second age

[norman-reedus-gossip-mod]

Anon: So DK started following HC on IG again lol now everyone is assuming it's because she's with NR and that's why now that's funny what is wrong with people. I wonder how long she will follow her this time until she gets pissed at something HC posts that involves her son and NR

Anon: Regarding Norman saying he was going home; I hate to piss in your beer here (believe me, I truly hope Norman is going home to poor EITD not staying in Germany with miss attention leech) but I seriously doubt that he would just tell a fan "Oh yeah, I going to Germany to see DK. Promise not to tell anyone?" IF he was heading there ... just saying --mod-- Fair point.

Anon: Another mod never posted my ask&I thought it was unfair. People were saying "Norman needs to come clean now" but what if he ALREADY HAS? What if the denial WAS truth/coming clean? They're JUST FRIENDS. All he's done is driven her around in car/on his bike. What did he do to make people assume HE lied here? Everything that's happened came from her. She trolls/follows him in the middle of his Eurotour/calls paps. What if he already did tell the truth?


Anon: 
The other blog is saying DK & NR a couple did I miss something? Where do they get these assumptions from just because she hopped on a plane and went to Spain making herself look more pathetic then she already does or is it because she started following HC on IG so all the sudden their a couple or because her and NR liked the same post made by HC this fandom is straight up crazy I sure hope people don't go by my IG posts or likes 😂


--mod-- If you did then I did. At this point there's only been one official statement and that was a denial from N. everything else is speculation and assumptions 




Anon: 
Glad to see NR went back to NY maybe they are just friends after all I guess the waiting game begins. I did see he followed HC again and liked the same pic DK did I guess DK is trying to make it look like her and HC are friends which I find so strange she's such a teenage girl she needs to really grow up but I remember in JJ fandom she would pull the same crap so this is old behavior for her I sure hope NR distances himself from her




Anon: 
Mod I totally respect Norman's right to a private life but w/ all the Dk crap, how can he not see that IF true he's w/ her, SHE is the one bringing all attention to him on purpose? She's the one who trolled his fandom on IG for abt 8 months/liked IG posts abt "hiding" a relationship/turned up in Barc. when he is in the center of twd promo w/ cameras everywhere/alerted paps she was leaving NY &even a pic of her w/ FB (of all ppl) in PARIS. IF true he COULD have privacy but not w/ what she's doing





Anon: 
Just to calm some down for the moment. I'm pretty sure DK is not back in the US. I think she's in Paris, the time she posted on IG was weird for her if she was in America. She never posts this time when there. Also she tagged a woman who lives in France and is her friend. So Norman did not travel to Germany to see her nor did he go back to the US to see her. Not saying they aren't together but not all his moves are for her. Do you still need any whiskey or bum touches, Mod? Willing to share 💁
--mod-- I don't tend to share supplies buuuuut maybe if you flirt with me 


Anon: Who wants to take bets on how long it will take NR and DK to be spotted together in NYC? 😉
--mod-- Jokes are fun. 🤣🤣🤣🤣



Anon: hey mod! I tried to ask in the modblog but it wouldn't let me. So what do you think of the whole clusterfuck now? do you think he would seriously risk his reputation and or fans for a fling-thing with D.K.? Just seems so out of character for him idk. You think him denying it meant something? his pr must be so pissed with how it makes him look. I think i'm the only one who believes him and that they met as friends. Is it okay to ask you what do you think of it all? --mod-- I still do think his denial meant something. Sure you can ask. My personal opinion is that I have no opinion on it because I don't care.  I haven't liked her since I saw first hand how she treats people, that has no barring on my fan-ness(it's a word 🤗) for N. I'm pretty good at ignoring things I don't like.

Anon: I think Norman's PR got in touch with HC now to try to smooth things over and keep appearances for anyone watching by having her follow and like DK on IG. Def. Not a coincidence with that Spain fiasco. But what's really going on. I still don't understand any of it. Surely he wouldn't lie with his Reps officially like he did and then be shown to look like a lying sneaking asshole 2 weeks later? Somethins weird --mod-- I doubt his PR people got in touch with HC. That women does her own thing. Only time will tell what's going on

Anon: Let more theories begin HC has started following DK on IG I have to say I do find it strange that if DK & NR are at odds and not getting along that HC would follow maybe she does approve of them and it's only a matter of time now that they do come out as a couple since I think HC approval would be one that NR would want along with his friends so time will tell how this all plays out --mod-- But why would, if they were a couple, need or want her permission.

Anon: Mod can I submit something about the dk mess for the Modblog? I just don't think Norman would make everyone who works for him look Untrustworthy and unreliable if he were lying with the PR statement. It makes it look so shady if he issued a release like that and then he is caught sneaking around with her after. Everything feels so staged right now. They haven't been seen together for a year but now twice in the past 2 weeks paparrazi "catch" them? This feels like Publicity

Anon: You think Norman is gonna come forward and making his and DK's relationship public at Jiimmy Fallon's next Friday? --mod-- Nope not even close.

Anon: At this point do u think they are fwb, couple or just friend. TBH how u think about Norman and dk 's behavior in Spain. No sugar coat pls. We want Norman happy also we must be honest to our opinion and our moral😢. And do u think they hide again somewhere over the shit rainbow?mod. TBH --mod-- I've always said they are a minimum friends. I don't know since I don't care about it it's hard for me to make an opinion other than meh... but everything I've seen, it doesn't come across as relationship of the bf/gf kind. He's never really had a problem being seen with the women he with. Whatever it is, it's weird and they need to figure it out.

[mittensmorgul]

I have a feeling something's gonna happen with Sam this season?? Like, Last season there was a lot centering around Dean and Cas. I feel like Sam's due for some personal arc/plot or just something to happen to him/with him in general. I know that's incredibly vague lol but i just have a feeling Sam's due for something? His own drama, weather it be good or bad.

Hi there! And I have that feeling too. I think a lot of it is more subtle, though. 

I know tonight’s episode is technically focused on Dean and what he suffers with his memory loss, but I think it’s gonna be equally poignant for Sam. I wrote a sorta raving post the other day (I sorta got carried away... but it does go into what Sam’s currently going through personally and emotionally)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/156996781305/oh-god-sorry-but-thats-a-clusterfuck-of-promo

I think what Sam has long been working toward is similar to what Dean, and even Cas, have been working toward-- understanding and choosing for himself what he really wants and where he wants to be in the world.

He said back in 10.18, while talking with Charlie, that he’s accepted that he’s a hunter, but that he can’t see doing it without Dean. It’s been a long, painful journey for both Sam and Dean to move out of each other’s pockets. They’re both learning how to be individuals, slowly finding their way out of their toxic codependency.

(Can I say that I’m watching 7.09 right now, where Dean’s drugged out on TDK Slammer, and I’m seeing a LOT of potential interpersonal stuff that might come out again... between Sam’s hellucinations and Dean’s broken “going through the motions,” and both of them just trying to survive, it’ll be interesting to play Spot the Difference between that episode and where they stand now.

I mean, there’ve been several callbacks to Sam using the scar on his left hand to overcome mind control sorts of situations already in s12, but there’s also been so much that’s happened to all of them since s7. I think we’re due for a deeper look into what’s going on with the Winchesters, and a reevaluation of where their emotional growth has led them.)

#spn 12.11 #sam fucking winchester #spn 10.18 #spn 7.09 #winchester family dynamics #actual quote i just used elsewhere: Damn Ben Edlund #Anonymous

[belzinone]

// part 2! the trost arc was a clusterfuck so i didn’t get to screen so mUCH but now that i learned to transfer from the ps4 to my laptop i hope they come out a lot better. only catch is, i didn’t write the commentary down as i was taking the screenshots. so that means i (1) forgot most of my jokes, & (2) forgot some of the context sakjdfndakfnak AH WELL HERE GOES~

// this is a cute feature in the game that i really love. bel does splurge on presents, so we wasted no time spending all our money on random shit to give to people for friendship points lol

also hange’s often creeping outside her door lol (not that i’m complaining~) in her private room you can edit her design as well as put on / take off her jacket & scouting cloak whenever you want, which is great, but i wish there was a way to just default to whatever your squad’s in bc she keeps showing up over/under dressed XD

this is capturing sonny & bean after trost. they took her in with eren after the night of the disbanding ceremony bc she’s all around gifted. in her fanon they took her for her knowledge and everything else she brought to the table was just a perk.

she’d totally be down to help capture titans tho <3 her gear mods were designed for that

moblit making sure the rookie knows what she’s getting into <3 a lot of the veterans check in with her to make sure she’s down and i think that’s pretty great. yeah they’re military but there’s a lot more personal freedom than you’d expect

some do it more than others XD another way levi put it was saying she wouldn’t survive even if she was a cat with nine lives ( he’s actually super critical of hange in this game, like a lot more than usual. i don’t recall him saying anything good about her, actually D: )

GOOD GIRL nice ass

levi squad 1.0 trying to figure out how to thank levi for everything he does. petra says he’d probably be happy no matter what while the others are like PRESENT! CLEAN! TRAIN! (bel’s just taking notes lmao)

as far as presents go, i was surprised to find out levi likes silver rings :0 i never took him for jewelry but i guess he does like the little things (he also liked the hair tie haha true to yams saying he’d put up his hair if he ever wanted to change the style )

squad speak for “make me a sandwich” JKNFDJASKNAN LEVI PLS

we already know nanaba’s underrated but she’s so pretty in the game my gay hert T.T

mike doesn’t reveal what bel smells like but nanaba & gelgar smell respectively like fruit and booze (i think that’s common trivia not unique to the game tho)

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING ANNIE DON’T DO IT & STOP SMILING (she’s so fuckin cute tho aaaaa bless this game design everyone’s so pretty DX)

i have all the time in the world queen DX

gang gang ~

i had such a slow trigger finger i missed hange’s dramatic animation so now it just looks like sarcasm askdjfnajknfak

“i’m not modeling, the camera just turned on” twice so we accidentally caught erwin before he creeped on her with his “who do you think the enemy is” question he posed to everyone haha

appreciating how much of a fuckin absolute unit mike is before my horny monkey brain kicks in and poses the thought that she can suck his dick standing up

getting to know armin is really cute. when he’s caught up in feeling not good enough, bel plays chess with him, loses spectacularly, and helps him feel better about his strengths rather than focus on his weaknesses. T.T here she’s electing to clean up the chess game while keith calls for him (and i took that screenshot for that perky chin teehee)

hange: both! both is good! :D

gang gang! the game changed eren’s spoon episode: instead of a spoon, his hand transforms reaching for a bandage you meant to hand him and he dropped. doesn’t really seem like a necessary change, but titans ran in and you had to protect him.

game levi has a lot less chill than usual lmao so demanding (this changes later tho)

getting to know jean: tease him about his mother XD (highkey bc no one else has one sakdjfnaksnf)

it’s really sweet how hange picks you out. it’s mostly bc your character’s eager to help her with experiments. in bel’s fanon, anyone can advocate for her as a plot point.

while getting to know levi, he leads a joint training exercise for a select few soldiers from all the regiments to teach teamwork. most were just looking to earn brownie points for a promotion, so he calls it off. bad form y’all~

um sir she’s already killed a fuckton we’re flattered but a bit condescended to askjfnaksfnaj (he ends up teaching you some new moves tho so fair bc we all know he’s clumsy with his words)

see fam was it that hard XD

***spoiler alert*** player does let him down DX in an credibly stupid way that i’m still salty about might i add but that’s for the ending playthrough post <3

GANG GANG~ i love seeing her in groups X)))))

such an angelic shot of him TwT he’s so cute

yeah you’re looking sad so i’m gonna need you to wipe the floor with her ass in chess again XD

WHOOP - DE - DOO KJDSFNAKJKA (also got 69 scout credits, Nice:tm:)

i legit thought saying you wouldn’t die on him would make him happiest but he wants you cleaning and making his tea first so i GUESS that explains him preferring you pledge your ass in fidelity instead?? bruh, you out-weirding my expectations of you like fuck XD

in the initial tutorials, they said you could chill like this, but didn’t say how. i wanted to get some screens of her hanging off the wall bc that’s a very Bel:tm: thing of her but couldn’t figure it out. then i somehow got her to do it mid mission, so i stared at her dumbstruck for like a whole ass minute before taking a screenshot lmao

PETRA TO THE RESCUE!! (after bel just saved mikasa. gang gang.)

hange saves her toooooooooooo~<3 (if you’re caught by a titan and call for help, selected soldier kills it and grabs you under their arm like a football before proceeding to punt you in a random direction away from the fight lol. they all check in with this LOOK tho. my heart. i’m gonna try and collect them all DX)

fully fledged gang gang TwT

beginning of the 57th~ bel would have been at the back with the supplies so she could help pick up stragglers too. idk if this would be the safest place in the formation (probably the center) but this particular au cadet bel was assigned to bert & reiner’s group before joining up with jean & armin, i think. the babies would be sent to the safest place.

oluo: we should give levi a dust rag!!

bel & all her options after petra gives her a Look: no way no way no way XD

*big uwu energy*

// that’s a wrap for this playthrough! between big missions, you get to “think back to daily life” and leave the battlefield in order to develop the relationships you build with the other soldiers, so that’s why there’s some military slice of life between everything haha

// next time, i hope to post the rest of the narrative & some videos! :*****

#BEYOND THE 4TH WALL . aot 2: final battle // playthrough #// once i play through everything i hope to go back and fill in some relationship building gaps #// and take more aesthetically pleasing screenshots #// also thinking about throwing up a related meme 00

[aether-asterisk]

so i was bored and in the process of checking up on a couple terraria mods for updates i ended up revisiting two old mods i used to had but deleted: erilipah and disarray. full story under the cut but basically they’re not as “meh” as i remember them being. and it definitely doesn’t end there lol

so i deleted them because while they looked promising at first i....wasn’t really fond of them like i was the others (mostly erilipah (those goddamn lunar moths!!); my only real complaint with disarray was that the ore generation was all fucky and broke some stuff and it wasn’t even all that great (then again i’m pretty sure i was well past moonlord at that point)). that and the freakin’ game memory issues.....   (idk how the hell everyone else manages to make it work -- i only have 2 large worlds and one player and yet apparently everyone else can have a clusterfuck of mods going on without trouble. i only have like a handful of “actual” (as in mods that add a whole bunch of stuff, not necessarily worldgen but may include new items and bosses) mods  (like 7 if you count alchemistnpc) and a couple “quality of life” mods that just add small stuff for convenience’s sake (i counted 10, including luafk because while it adds items it’s mostly just more convenience stuff so eh) but i feel like some people would have way more while i worry that one more big mod could overdo it, despite having terraria itself patched to handle 4gb of memory instead of 2 and what i currently have is not even half of that (according to the mods folder they only total up to 335mb, both my worlds total up to 44mb, and my charater is only 16.6mb. so that’s less than half of ONE gigabyte how the hell did those issues happen????? even terraria overhaul apparently only takes like 3mb though i don’t actually have it on my game at all rn.....i deleted it because i thought that was the big problem; it still has a folder outside of the mods folder for some reason and yet even that isn’t what the problem is??????? terraria why))

so i had to clear out some mods for it to not crash before i even get to enter a world and those two got caught in the crossfire. however, after curiosity drove me to look back on them they...actually improved a BUNCH since last i saw them. hell, erilipah’s in the process of getting completely overhauled!!!! (rip samael tho) and the sprites/content looks super good????? of course it’s most likely the color palettes i’m a SUCKER for good palettes with “color” shading (like shading with another color instead of just a darker shade of the original color) and even color highlights ;w; which is why i like calamity’s goozma so much the colors look so pretty...... meanwhile disarray has some bosses that i barely got to look at but vaguely remember at least a couple names from the boss checklist. must’ve put in some new bosses too...i would imagine they fixed the ores breaking the worldgen and made them look nicer despite it not showing up on the forum post but i’m worried the volcano biome would have the same problem??? from what the pic of it on the map view is showing it could mess with some things... also only now am i realizing i have WAY too many “biomes” in the game; at least it feels like it. then again the obsidium is a big-ass biome that takes up most of the center of the underground so. i like the idea of it but in a large world like mine it...kinda feels a bit too much??? like it was pretty easy for me to get bored with it because i have to go through it whenever i go to explore the rest of the underground/cavern layer because my tunnel starts in the basement of my house (which is close to the center on the surface; for the sake of convenient accessibility to other sections of the world (a.k.a. going from one end of the world to the other without taking all fucking day)) so....yeah 

anyway, in the process i found a new mod called the varia mod and it also looks really good??? the mutant slimes and are a little spooky tho D: but not “nice guy” he’s just another noodley slender-cryptid who could kill you instantly without his mask but that’s gonna be worked on apparently and also mentions of some other mod called aaledoxy that i have literally no information about other than a soundcloud ost because it doesn’t have a forum post or a wiki and i don’t really wanna do anything with the discord they DO have (or any mod discord in general; it’s most likely just gonna be another community for my lazy introverted ass to manage xwx; i mean they probably don’t like inactive users that don’t actually talk or anything but i really don’t have anything meaningful to offer; i just wanna check out what’s going on with these neat mods) the music sounds good tho and the galaxia boss looked kinda cute but again that’s all i know about it rn so i won’t get too into it but hopefully i’ll get to learn more about it someday!! 

tl;dr: i’ve just been dazzled by a couple new (and old) mods so i’m probably gonna download at least the varia mod (which also requires creating yet another new world after i JUST got settled into this one OOF)

#this post is way longer than it actually needed to lmao #i really need to learn where to cut myself off before i go into a fuckin' page-length ramble about something that doesn't affect anyone else #but anyway yeah somehow it's already 3:30pm idk how the fuck that happened i said i was probably gonna play it today and yet. here i am #simply TALKING about it #time management really does not come easy for me uwu;;;; #terraria #caffrin posts

[yourgoldicocks-blog]

Part 7: Dickmatized and DayDreaming

It has been a WEEKEND girls and gays. Where does a young hoe even begin? 

Friday: I got off work, headed home to prep the facilities. Shaved my legs, which we all know happens once in a blue moon. Checked under the hood, good to go no more period amigos. Friday I went out with my guuuuuurl Alexis, I got too drunk of course and ended up throwing up almost the entire night lol classic HOC. My HS bf and our friends showed up at the bar we were at and it was... odd. It was kind of fun and good in a nostalgic way, but definitely put me off center. Any Hoosier, even after puking all night i still made out with my HS boyfriend and texted all my others hoes “gn”.

Saturday: I was That Bitch™. I woke up early hungover as frick, went shopping and spent the day with another main homie, Jess.  CBA is the hungover MOOOOOVE it was so good this ad is not #sponsored but if they wanna sponsor me i’ll be very glad. Saturday night I was supposed to go on a date with my ex/current drug dealer. BUT he was too busy making drop offs? Like ok SIR. SO i got all dressed up I looked so DAMN CUTE new clothes and everything. He invited me over to “smoke and chill” later and I was like FUCK some smoke and chill I look too god damn cute for that. I WANT ROMANCE. I WANT TO BE WINED AND DINED AND SIXTY NINED GOD DAMNIT. So I was trying to make moves and go out but I ended up smoking and chilling with Alexis for a minute. We’re high as FORK, decide to go to McDonald’s i’m like hell yes I am going to mess up some fries and diet coke. We’re waiting forever for our food and we’re about to pull up and #1 zaddy texts me “hey wanna grab a drink”. I really need a surname for him, I really almost keep typing his name and my mens’s will be anonymous, even if y’all wanna speculate.

Now the only place this mans and I have been outside of his apartment is Taco Bell, but he’s still my #1 i don’t know if it’s that good dick, our conversations or What Those Fingers Do but I’m smitten. I’m like fuck I gotta leave these fries and GET THAT DICK. So I go to meet him out at a bar and his whole best friend group is there like???? Did I accidentally mark Relationship instead of Dick on the application. Any Hoosier, I go to meet his friends and him at the bar and they love me, OBVIOUSLY, I’m a Cool Chick™. Men have such narrow images of women that the fact that I smoke weed, drink beer and watch Rick and Morty is all the convincing that they need. I always mention those things, it’s just good marketing to be honest. On top of that, this mans is putting his arms around me and touching me. Intimacy is one of the many Issues of Hoconnell™. 

We go back to his place and smoke with his friends for like an hour. It was actually p cute he wouldn’t eat the pizza in front of me because he knows I can’t have gluten, but the moment I went to the bathroom he ate it and told me when I got back because he felt bad lmao. Finally he’s like “Hey guys uh I think we’re gonna head to bed” and I’m like YAAAAS Zaddy whisk me away to pound town. Internally, of course. We fool around and it is AMAZING like woweee wow wow it is crazy how Dickmatized™ this man has me. I tried to get a second round but he was too tired to which I reply, “le sigh”. He also rolled me a joint and gave it to me to take home the next morning -- I feel like a hooker but in a fun way. We woke up and made out for a while in the morning but I had plans so I had to head home. Now, we barely talk outside of this and I know he’s a fuckboy so I need to have sex with someone else this weekend and also stop staying over.

Sunday was a whole different clusterfuck, but alas I am too tired to head into that right now. Maybe tomorrow. Love yall. GN