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heleneplays · 2 years

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I have run this far (still I find you)

GOD am CRYING SO HARD WITH WHAT I WROTE EARLIER I NEEDED TO MAKE A COMPANION PIECE, to a hypothetical situation not even released yet.

My María x Helene brainrot is real and I need someone to cradle my heart and piece it together with glue, RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭

listen to Sunrise by Ben&Ben as you readddddd i s2g you should LISTEN

---

You wake with a gasp, pain pain pain a constant scream in your conciousness.

You don't register where you are, aside the fact that you're alive?/awake?/existing?

(Except it doesn't feel right.)

(It doesn't make sense. You died— you know that much.)

(María is still there, holding your bruised/broken/battered body, shaking in grief.)

You feel yourself coalesce into being, but it feels wrong. Like you're just a mind without a body, a conciousness drifting in the primordial soup of the universe.

Then you percieve.

(Your human mind wouldn't have been able to comprehend the situation in front of you. But you're not exactly human right now, are you?)

(Dying with the last embers of Carxite running in your body, even if the powers have fizzled into nothingness— it leaves a mark, a stain deep in your very soul.)

(The stone is them. The stone is us. The stone may have originated and propagated through the universe by the Most High, but it's secrets weren't all unlocked, even by their high priests.)

(You have an inkling that you are the one unlocking said secrets right now.)

It is your entire space. The focal point that brought you into its embrace.

"Helene."

The words come from nowhere and everywhere, and you feel struck.

It's timeless. It's ancient. Powerful, and primordial. It has no name, is no being. But it makes you suffocate with it's existence, full and heady and so, so, alive.

(If you believed in Gods, you'd say this was one. The True one.)

(But you don't, not anymore. And you cling into that belief with all your heart, because it's mere presence threatens to drown you. And you won't— won't drown, won't forget; even in death, even when all the stars in this universe and the next blinks out.)

And it looks at you. Through you. Looking in intangible concepts that elude you. But you remain steadfast, pain pain pain dying in the back of your mind, as you face this eldritch, cosmic horror.

It judges you, and has found you wanting.

(If this is the Power behind the universe, then you shall be Will, incarnate.)

The moment shatters. With no hesitation, You reach/run/take and it thrashes/convulses/fights.

You don't know what you are doing until you feel it flowing inside you, a kernel lodging in your center.

You were a God. But you were also human, and that superceded any other claims, even as you explored the heritage left to you by the Most High. Unimaginable power flowed through you, powers that your enemies coveted to bend/break/remake the world to their liking, for a fraction of a moment, to save the world, and you were left a husk of an empty man.

You are a God. You have shed your body, just a soul and a piece conciousness of fleeting moments and an iron will. Unimaginable power flows through you, powers that would allow you to bend/break/remake the universe to your liking, one that the Most High would have and did have wept/prayed/killed to unlock after all this time, and you are left aching.

(The voices inside the stone are silent, silenced by you, because they are nothing but echoes, coveted by the stone to give the words from the power it holds. They seek purpose/justice/absolution, but they are dead/broken/gone because the universe demanded—)

(—and for the first time, the universe will be the one to answer for it.)

You ache, in the very fiber of your being, in the very strands that govern your life; your soul, having eaten the forbidden fruit and ascended to a position of absolute power, quakes, and once again you feel the enormity that passes.

But you, you are achingly human, and humanity is your answer, because humanity is emotion, and emotion is love, and love is family, and family is the net that makes you unique— and vice versa.

(The faces of those you love come unbidden to you, and you can almost reach out to see their faces. Sam, Cleo, Esme, Zhu, Rémy, Dominique; Stevo, Miles, your coworkers both old and new, the ones whom you've met at some point or another in your life; Abdul, David, Stephanie—)

You have killed and lied and hurt and stained yourself a thousand million times over, because you believed, because you felt, because you sought— but most importantly, because you loved, and love is the answer.

(María.)

And because you are God; because you have taken part once more in the endless ocean of power; because your will and humanity and love was always going to be the more powerful answer—

You bend/break/remake.

Not the universe, but yourself.

---

It's been hours since the final battle. Reinforcements have finally reached to clean-up the post-battle, off to take care of the horde of broken/bleeding/dying soldiers that they've defeated. Sam and Dominique huddle on the side, patching each other up. Cleo and Esme are in the other room, Rémy bringing along Zhu and Miles with several things in their arms. People are milling around, inside, outside; bruised, bloodied, but alive.

(Everyone else important to her is alive.)

(Why couldn't she?)

You, however, are by the walls by the window, looking out at everywhere and nowhere, trying your best to contain the hurt, the agony of your heart beating in your chest, because once again you've lost; you've lost and gone the one important thing you said you'd never left yourself feel for once more.

(But you are a liar, a cheat and a thief, a muderer with a ledger dripping with red—)

(—And maybe this is your karma haunting you, to love and to continually lose, experiencing so many forms of heartbreak even when you've thought to have steeled yourself against it.)

"You are weak." You once told her. Instead of being angry, like you expect her to be, she smiles, and replies with a joking tone: "For you? Yeah, I definitely am."

"I love you, Helene." You finally tell her, in quiet of the hour, voice all but a whisper, and tears spring in her eyes. And then she smiles so beautifully, flushed with happiness and radiance no one else had ever been able to show and direct towards you except her. And she kisses you, all her love/relief/understanding behind it, and you swallow it whole, because you are greedy and selfish and you want her, and only ever her.

(And because you love her, you don't let go of her until they pry her away ever so gently, respect/admiration/grief/understanding for you, and her, and her sacrifice.)

"I love you." You say, as she closes her eyes and breathes her last, as you commit every second to your memory, because you love her, and death and agony will not stop you. Because you had time, you have time, and you should have had time, free from everything, to be together, and it is sad and painful that you won't get that, not anymore.

Not anymore.

(My dearest, my darling, dead.)

And because you are a liar, you stare at your hands, the golden wedding band of your not-so-legal wedding with your beloved glinting as you turn it over, and over— willing that you are just waiting, on something—

And you look downwards, on the couch where they laid her body, because she may be dead, but everyone agreed that it doesn't matter, that it won't matter, not until everything left to be settled here is done, and you all have to face organizing the funeral of the one person who made this victory possible—

And she looks asleep, her dark hair fanned out, trademark ribbon keeping it up stretched taut and wrapped against your wrist, because it's the one thing you got her back then; and her face is scrubbed clean, blood carefully scrubbed away by your own hands, because you know she'd do it if it was you; And her own golden ring glints, as the sun starts to break through the horizon, and you can't help but go to her and reach out to take her hand, even if you know that it'll be cold, clammy, and everything that marks her dead—

Because you can't accept it, not yet, not again; because Helene had faced worse odds, nearly killed a couple of times, and studied the goddamned stone which still had secrets that Helene never shared, but you know she revived the near-dead, was able to control people, shot out laser-like beams out of her palms; and you want to believe this isn't the end of your story, so you slipped a piece of it to her hand, the last piece she never used, the size of a pebble, really, before they settled her body—

Because God can't be so cruel to give her a gift, then take it away for the last time so soon, because some part of her believes that Helene, her wife, would've chosen otherwise, if she could—

(And her hand, it's warm, she thinks as she holds it, and María's brow furrows, perplexed; but then looks at her wife, then her chest, which was flat and still just a few seconds ago, starting to rise once more.)

---

Warmth.

That's the first thing you feel as you feel yourself slip back.

---

María wants to go, to scream, to believe—

---

(And by God, she pleads. Please, please come back. Live.)

And then Helene opens her eyes, and meets María's.

"I love you."

---

Then:

"You promise?"

"Yeah. I think i'll love you forever."

"Helene." She says.

---

Now:

"María." She replies.

They say each other's names like a prayer, answered. Their hands are intertwined, like a promise, of the future, of forever.

María lowers her head to Helene's.

Other things can wait. Right now, they bask in the simplicity of having each other, once again.

Sunrise finally breaks in the horizon.

---

"I love you."

Until the stars go dark, you both think.

And even after that.

Neither of you say it—don’t even think it—but the universe should know that by now.

(And if it doesn't, well.)

(Helene would gladly shake it to it's core once more, with María next to her.)

#relics of the lost age #relics series #relics series my beloved #relics mc #helene spillane #maría garcía pérez #maría garcía pérez my beloved #maría x helene #fanfic #my fic #lee writes #lee writes stuff #lee makes stuff #helene said i love you i love you and because i love you i will change the world to fit it all #LOVING SOMEONE SO HARD YOU CHANGE THE NARRATIVE #price? what price. it's free real estate #maría being a sap BC I BRAINWORMS SAID VULNERABILITY. AS A TREAT.

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ashketchupppp · 1 year

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I literally created both a Twitter account and a tumblr account just so I can get my bkdk fix. *cough cough* as if my handle didn’t give it away. Now idk if anyone will read this but I just need somewhere to quite literally dump my thoughts bc I have been nonstop chatting my partner’s ear off and I know he’s hella fucking over it. He’s just too nice to tell me to stfu and I don’t have any friends who are into anime/manga. I never intended to write something myself but I just need to put my thoughts out there. Don’t expect anything analytical from me because that ain’t who I am. I just made the accounts to be a spectator and selfishly consume all of your talents out there who feed my longing for bkdk content.

A quick (yet not so quick) backstory - I got introduced to MHA on a whim. It all started back in October of last year (2022) when my partner decided to start watching the anime. He’s an avid manga reader but had never watched the MHA anime. He played it on tv while I went about my own interests and hobbies. But one day the plot caught my attention and I vaguely remember it was during the sports festival arch and I was hooked ever since. He also only watches sub so I found myself more hooked on it since I couldn’t just listen to what was going on. I had to watch so I could read the subs. Something that suddenly was just his became our thing and shortly after that very much became my thing. I needed to keep binge watching just to see what would happen. As he warned me that at the rate we were going at we’d be caught up I panicked and was like how will I get my fix?! To buying the manga we go! I bought both the physical volumes to prepare myself ahead of time. Christmas rolled around and having just gone on vacation where 90% of the people at our resort were reading (including my partner on his kindle) I felt left out for not taking a book. As a Xmas present he bought me a kindle and loaded it up with all of the MHA volumes.

It wasn’t until January 6th that I picked up the manga (since we were all caught up and waiting for real time episodes of the anime to release). Work was slow and I found myself bored at my desk so I decided eh why not kill that boredom and read. I started from the very beginning as I missed out on details having strapped myself along for the ride in the anime a few episodes in and being told that the anime doesn’t always cover every detail of the manga. It took me 20 days (less actually bc I took a week or so break to restart the anime to watch those details I had missed out on) to read the entire manga and catch up to real time chapter releases.

I was going through a big depressive episode a couple weeks back and nothing brought me as much joy and comfort as MHA did. So I blasted through the manga. I caught myself just wanting to readddddd to catch up to the action and what was currently going on as I had run into a couple of spoilers courtesy of the IG algorithm that caught onto my newly found obsession with MHA.

However, after catching up on reading I realized I both knew what happened but I also felt like I didn’t? Like I just read so much and had to process it all that I was like I need to go back and read and take the time to actually digest it. It was at this time that I was just also kinda over the whole pitting Ochako and Deku as romantic interests plot. When I watched the anime (and read the manga the first time) I thought they were cute. So awkward, clearly just HS kids learning how to be around those of the opposite gender and developing crushes. So naive. Really took me to thinking of those HS days where you crush on someone. The anime in particular does a good job at selling this to you and so did the early stages of the manga (something I noticed after I started my second reading).

However, as I re-read and re-watched I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it bothered me so much. Suddenly, something that was supposedly laid out to be obvious didn’t feel so obvious and the lack of development from that romantic plot sizzled and was very much one sided and felt forced and out of place.

It was a random post that came across my IG feed (again, hello algorithm) about bkdk. At first I was like it’s cute, but I don’t see it. But as I kept going through my second reading I was like wait, no. I can see it. I would come across all of these cutesy fan art accounts and posts of the two and idk why but it gave me butterflies?! At this point it was just that, running into and seeking out fan art of the two as a couple. But then I started thinking, ok the fan art is cute but is there more out there other than fan art? Not sure what I was really after I googled something really simple like “are bakugo and Deku really in love” and low and behold I ran into tumblr accounts that actually analyzed the manga and connected the dots for me.

I’ve never thought of myself to be a strong reader. I mean, yes I’m a strong reader in the sense that I don’t stumble on words when reading out loud and can get through books. BUT what I mean is I was never one of those students who did well in English class and especially when we had to annotate and analyze books and writing samples. I could never really dig into the text and see the obvious themes and subtext that everyone else, including the teacher, did.

So having ran into these tumblr accounts posting their analysis of the series I just felt a moment of eureka! Like I’m not crazy. People see this in the same way I do but just more factually and analytically. And this isn’t a ship because it’s cutesy. There’s so many intricate and complicated yet delicated layers to their relationship which is why it makes it so much more believable.

Anyways, here I am writing this because I have been suffering from bkdk brain rot for the past like week and it’s only getting worse. I feel like Cady from Mean Girls - where I spend most of my time talking to my partner about bkdk and MHA. And when someone else (him included) is talking I wish they’d bring it up full on knowing they won’t because they don’t care it or aren’t into anime/manga/MHA.

Thank you to all of those accounts that have given my substance and have kept my bkdk obsession fed. I don’t know much about the manga world or Shonen (as I’m a noob) so idk if Horikoshi will go through with it but I’m rooting for bkdk. As a straight female I am soooo over your classic boy meets girl and they fall in love storyline. I’m also the girl falls in love and suddenly is sidelined as just their partner and their potential as a character gets deduced to just that. If this truly gets revealed to be a love story between Izuku and Kacchan I will literally never shut about out it. I will scream, cry, throw up out of happiness. If it doesn’t happen I will quite literally become feral and scream into the void for who knows how long. I’ll even take Hori not making Izuku and Ochaco canon. Not hate against those who want that and like it, everyone is entitled to their opinions. But I just cannot see it and don’t want it to be established.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

#bkdkbk #dekukatsu #katsudeku #dkbk #dkbkdk #kacchadeku #dekacchan

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