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perictione00 · 7 months

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Selfish

Ch 2: Confession

Pairing: Geto Suguru x reader

Warnings: MDNI, smut, fluff, pining, teenage angst.

Synopsis: You left the Jujutsu World behind the moment the source of your warmth turned cold. So what happens when you come face to face with that one episode in your life that you wanted to obliterate? Simple, you reap what you sow.

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Ch 1

2006

On your first meeting with Gojo Satoru, you concluded that he was an arrogant, spoiled brat who was gifted with good looks and godlike powers. Fortunately, with him came the heavenly two: Shoko and Geto, who aligned with the normal spectrum of human emotions in your eyes, unlike the borderline narcissist called Gojo. Maybe you were biased, but at least those two didn't call you weak when you introduced yourself. It was not difficult to get along with all of them, so in no time, you grew close to everyone. You spent a lot of time with Yaga, who was trying to decipher your cursed technique, which he believed was something akin to Geto's, and that brought about daily practice sessions with your then crush.

Geto Suguru was nearly perfect in all senses, always on the morally correct side. His desire to protect everyone, his unique approach to the whole teaching situation, and his method of training added more to his already mesmerizing persona in your mind. You trained with him every single day after classes, had hour-long conversations about the most stray subjects while trading vintage cassette tapes, and feasted on any peculiar but palatable dish you came across. Regarding your slow growth, his patience with you bore fruit the day you stumbled upon an unfavorable breakthrough. You fainted halfway through combat, yet your body swerved every additional attack coming your way with some foreign cursed energy. He conducted certain actions that might trigger this behavior again, only to discover that you shared some sort of symbiotic relationship with an entity that resided within your subconscious. He surmised that it didn't possess you; instead, it protected you, the host, for mutually gainful results. It wasn't dangerous by nature. Geto tried exorcising it but gave up due to its unpredictable nature while secretly informing Yaga about it.

_______

After your lucrative performance in the Yamanashi Prefecture assignment, you were bombarded with numerous missions, sometimes assisting Haibara or Nanami, keeping you busy enough to miss out on your lessons with Geto. So naturally, Geto found himself gravitating towards you when he saw your bruised form coming out of the infirmary. "Missed me?", Geto asked, leaning on the infirmary door.

"You wish", you replied with a playful smile.

"Ouch... can't recall your Romeo already, I see". Now that is awful because that's the thing about Geto; he says stuff like this so casually, and it hurts knowing well the platonic character of your relationship. You feel terrible for not being a truly faithful friend. However, you have almost made peace with it over the span of 4 months, striving to get it through your head that dating is not the most significant experience of teenage life; maybe it's friendship, and it's okay to accept that some people are just way out of your league. These were the constant subliminal messages going around in your head.

"Yeah, found a new one. Hello husband", you retorted as Nanami entered the scene, and in true Nanami fashion, he took his time to understand that the remark was meant for him.

"So it was a head injury, I presume", Nanami said with a straight face.

"More like a heart injury after your blatant denial of our romantic married life just now!", you scoffed, trying to sound as offended as possible. You found out recently that teasing Nanami had become your new favorite thing; his reactions were to die for, and possibly Gojo's weird tactics were rubbing off on you.

To say that Geto was bewildered would be an understatement, because the last time he checked, Nanami wasn't one to entertain such chatter or blush at unintentionally flirty jokes. Generally, Geto considered himself the most mature of the bunch, and he was above all these sappy-feeling things, so why were several questions flooding his head? Was Geto the third wheel here? Was he feeling some sort of way for you? Did he want you to be this way only with him? Geto waited till Nanami left out of sheer awkwardness and embarrassment to ask if you wanted to hang out with him, and unfortunately, you were not free.

Actually, you were. You just wanted to save yourself from the heartache because it was frustrating how you felt around him. He was untouchable and really beautiful, and your sense of inferiority kicked in every time Gojo bragged about the double dates he went on with his best friend. So turning him down seemed like a better option than deluding yourself in fantasies. What you didn't know was that life already had a funny joke up its sleeve—that Geto had been assigned to an inevitable mission along with Gojo that very day.

2010

Geto was tired of dealing with the spineless monkeys; they were getting on his nerves. Such self-centered, one-dimensional idiotic bunch weren't worth his time, but their pockets full of money and senseless heads filled with blind devotion were. Since their disgusting lives lacked meaning, he manipulated them into believing in the revolutionary religious group that he was the god of. To make some sense of the useless souls, he was doing them a favor by liberating them and making use of their miserable existence. It was always easy to instill fear in the ignorant; hence, his blessings and powers became the perfect pearls in his already beautiful ornament.

What kept him motivated was something that he yearned for—the only boon he had been enthroned with—you. And right now, he was waiting for you to return from an important congregation you conducted to scout some new fools into this institution. He knew you were capable of so much more than just using your beauty and polite, submissive nature to exploit the beliefs of the non-sorcerers, yet he couldn't trigger your fragile state by exposing you too much to the consequences of following him. So he complied with your wishes of playing house as an escape from everything. It was everything and more; there was no harm, there were no curses, there was sincerity, there was love, and there was you, and you were all he needed.

"I'm never going back there again!", you declared as you pulled Geto into a hug the minute you arrived. Being surrounded by silly people, putting up a facade, carrying yourself like an angel in front of all the devotees, a ruthless sorcerer for the enemies, a diplomat in non-sorcerer politics, and a prudent young girl for all the perverts was exhausting. It was only beside Geto that you allowed yourself to let loose, as danger was always on your tail due to your close association with him.

"Come on, I have to show you something", he said, breaking the hug.

"I really don't have the energy to travel anymore, Suguru. Let's go back to the hotel", you whined.

"Please, just this once. You won't regret it", he pleaded, and you obviously agreed. The car ride was peaceful, with your head laying on his shoulder as he admired your sleeping form, waking you up once the car reached its destination.

You woke up to a duplex surrounded by a row of rare flowers and trees, arranged in a uniform manner. You looked around the area before speaking up, "What's this place?"

"It's our home", Geto answered lovingly.

You looked back and forth between the house and him, taken aback. You remembered telling him how frustrating it was to move hotels every week. How much you craved the warmth of your parents own place. How much you wanted to be with him in a place where you could breathe freely and not feel guilty about anything. You turned to Suguru only to see him looking at you affectionately. You could be here with him, and no one in the world would know. Maybe there's a chance for change. You wanted to convey your million feelings to him, so you closed the distance between you to kiss him and let him know, which he reciprocated by kissing you deeply, pulling you as close as possible, and stopping only to take you to explore the rest of the house.

The moment you entered the bedroom, Geto had you against the wall as you wrapped your legs around him instinctively. Nuzzling into your neck and pecking you, Geto felt alive for the first time in a while. The way your lips met, the way you tasted, and the way you were trying to move your hips to gain some friction were driving him insane; it was heavenly. Before he could do anything about it, you halted your movements and walked towards the bed, stripping yourself completely and turning to say, "Suguru, I want you to fuck me".

Almost as if on cue, Geto took off his black yukata robes and followed you to the bed. He was so aroused that he couldn't help but kiss you again and suck hard enough on your bottom lip to leave a bruise. Laying you down, he started sucking your neck and teasing your nipples, going south with every passing second. Once he reached your sex, a loud moan escaped your mouth when he swirled his tongue, entering your dripping hole as he initiated the assault on your clit with his thumb. His humming pleasured you more through the vibrations, showing you just how much he longed for you. "Fuck Suguru, don't stop", you whined out of desperation.

Your moans motivated him to lick your clit with broad strokes of his tongue. You were tangling his hair, pulling on them, and trying to grind on his face, and seeing your squirming body under his control made him painfully hard. Keeping a tight grip on your thighs, Geto buried himself between them, swilling and smacking the slick while relishing his new addiction. Your hole pulsated around his tongue as he kept slurping on your juices, and you climaxed due to the overstimulation.

High on you, Geto had you sprawled on your back in a missionary position. The hypnotic haziness of the moment was too much for him, so he entered you to fulfill his carnal desire to have you. Moaning wildly, he tried to move, only to end up shuddering due to the stimulation. He didn't want to hurt you, but your face—the mix of ecstasy and craziness—was enough to drive him to the brink. Forgetting everything, he started rutting into you with harsh, deep strokes, causing you to writhe under him. The delicious jiggle of your tits allured Geto to give them the attention they deserved, sucking on one while squeezing the other. "Fuck...ngh...hsh... you're doing so good, baby...ahh", Geto said with a shaky breath as he lifted your leg up to thrust even deeper.

It wasn't the first time Geto was doing it with you; actually, he had spent countless amazing nights with you before, but this time was different. He felt as if you both were sharing the unspoken feelings you held for each other; it was serene and intimate. Being a God to thousands yet he found true devotion only in your eyes, where he was what he aspired to be: kind. And in this moment, he became one with you, and there was no beyond. His exuberant feelings were waiting to be spilled, but something stopped him. Was it doubt or rejection? He didn't know, but he knew better than to say it out loud.

"I love you, Suguru...hah..fuc-", you were cut off with a suffocating kiss. Geto's thrusting became erratic as he tried to express himself through his actions. Suddenly, life felt more lively; every sensation on his skin felt more pleasurable; it was overwhelming; he was losing control. You both came together, yet none of you stopped, wanting to stay in that euphoric episode for longer. Geto had so much to say to you, so much to confess, but he didn't. There was no rejection now; however, there was vulnerability, and it scared him.

"I love you", was all that his cowardice allowed him to utter.

Ch 3

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no-one-anon · 10 months

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141 + Val finding out their s/o 'civilian ' is ex-mercenary

I like your writing so far btw keep it up 🤗🤗💖

Here ya go! <3

Notes: I personally don't like the writing I've done here - so I might go back to this, not sure I'll see if people agree with me ^^ Alejandro also gets uh.. pretty angsty- I was in a very angst mood when I decided to write him-

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141 + Val finding out their s/o 'civilian ' is ex-mercenary

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Simon Ghost Riley:

Ghost and you have been dating for quite some time now. You've been through your fair share of ups and downs, but at the end of the day, your love for one another remains strong. Lately, you have been discussing about taking your relationship to the next level. You've even been talking about getting married. But as things start to get more serious between them, you have a secret that you've been keeping from him.

At this point, you know that it's time to come clean. You decide to sit down and talk to Ghost about your past. It's a difficult conversation, but you know that you need to be honest with Ghost if you're ever going to have a healthy relationship.

You take a deep breath and begin to tell Ghost about your time as a mercenary. You explain how you got recruited, the dangerous missions you were tasked with, and why you ultimately decided to leave the life behind. It's a lot for Ghost to take in, and he can tell that you were nervous about sharing all of this with him.

As you finish your story, Ghost takes a moment to process everything you've said. He knows that being a mercenary is a controversial and dangerous profession, and he wants to make sure he fully understands what your involvement in that life meant. He has a lot of questions, but he also reminds himself that your relationship is built on trust and honesty. He knows that this is a chance for you and him to have an open and honest conversation about your pasts and what you want for your shared future together.

Ghost finally speaks up, saying, "I appreciate you sharing all of that with me. It must have been hard for you to talk about, but I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what your past may be. And I hope that we can continue to have honest conversations like this in the future."

You only nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. You're grateful that Ghost was so understanding, and accepting.

John Soap MacTavish:

John was a hardened soldier, trained by the SAS and known for his bravery and skill in the field. He was an intense character, focused and determined, with little patience for those who did not share his dedication to duty. John had seen a lot in his life, both in terms of combat and personal experience, and he had developed a very strict moral compass over the years.

His current relationship with you was relatively new, but you both had hit it off right from the start. John was drawn to your wit and charm, and he appreciated your insight into things he had never thought about. You were a civilian, not a soldier, and John was intrigued by this. You were different from the women he had dated before, and he found this refreshing.

But things took a turn when you revealed your secret to John: you had once been a mercenary, and you had participated in some very controversial operations. You told John that you had left that life behind and was now a dedicated civilian.

This revelation was a shock to John. As a soldier, he was well-aware of the reputation that mercenaries had in the military community. He knew that their involvement in illegal activities and their disregard for human life was often seen as a major stain on their character. John's initial reaction was one of skepticism and scrutiny. He wanted to know exactly what you had done as a mercenary, and he wanted to understand why you had left that life behind.

You knew that your past was not something John would take lightly, and you were prepared to face his questions and concerns. You told John everything, from your first operation to your last. You were completely honest, even mentioning some of the darker moments you had experienced during your time as a mercenary. John listened carefully to your story, taking in every detail and thinking about what it all meant.

You had gone through a lot in your life, both as a soldier and as a mercenary, and you came out the other side with grace and humility. Although being honest to John. He felt th need to tell you that he wasn't sure how to feel about your past, but that he was willing to take the time to understand and process it. John was a man of duty, but also a man of compassion. He knew that everyone deserved a chance to make amends for their mistakes, and he wanted to give you that chance.

To your surprise, John told you that he was willing to continue their relationship, despite your past as a mercenary. He told you that he loved you for who you were now, and that he believed in your ability to change and grow. You were grateful for John's understanding, and felt a sense of relief wash over you.

From that day on, John and your relationship deepened and flourished. John respected you for your past, and he understood that it had made you the person you were today. You were also grateful for John's acceptance and support, and felt a sense of comfort knowing that you had a partner who believed in you.

Captain John Price:

Captain Price was no stranger to keeping a level head, but he couldn't deny the sense of irritation that crept into his voice as he confronted the person in front of him. You looked so innocent, so harmless, yet he had just discovered that you were far from it.

"You were a mercenary," Price stated bluntly, unable to hide his surprise. "And I had no idea."

"I didn't think you needed to know.." You replied sheepishly, looking down at the ground.

Price's eyes narrowed as he leaned in closer. "I'm your significant other, and you kept this information from me? Who were you working for? What kind of jobs did you do?"

You looked up at him, a small hint of fear in your eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. It's in the past."

Price wasn't convinced. "You don't just stop being a mercenary. There's always a reason why someone quits. And I want to know yours."

You sighed, realizing there was no escaping the interrogation. "I used to work for a private security company." You finally admitted. "But I got tired of all the violence and death."

Price nodded, his expression softening a bit. "I understand," he said, then added with a hint of sarcasm, "But I bet you were pretty good at your job."

You blushed slightly, remembering all the things you had done in the past. "I guess I was," you admitted reluctantly.

Price stared at you for a moment longer, trying to read your expression and gauge exactly how much of a threat you truly were. He knew that your past as a mercenary could impact your relationship, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to take on that kind of burden.

Finally, he let out a long breath, his eyes softer now. "Okay, let's leave the past in the past. Just promise me you won't go back to that life again."

You nodded silently, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. Price was always so logical and level-headed, and you sometimes felt like you couldn't keep up with him. But in that moment, you realized that you didn't have to be strong and independent all the time. You could lean on him, and he would catch you when you fell.

Kyle Gaz Garrick:

Kyle is a ruthless mercenary with no regard for the consequences of his actions. He's had a reputation for being aggressive and reckless on the battlefield, and was feared by both allies and enemies alike. He thought of the battlefield as a place to unleash his anger and frustration on his enemies, and didn't care about who got in the way of his goals.

But despite his ruthless nature, Kyle also had a softer side, one that he kept hidden from most people. He had a deep desire for a peaceful and stable life, with a family he could call his own. That's why he was so drawn to you, who was everything he dreamed of in a significant other. You were kind, loving, and had a gentle spirit that he found incredibly appealing.

But you had a secret that you kept hidden from Kyle. You were an ex-mercenary who had worked for the same organization as Kyle did in the past, before leaving to pursue a more peaceful life. You were proud of your past and the skills you had learned, but you didn't want to tell Kyle for fear that he would see you as a monster.

However, one day, Kyle accidentally stumbled upon evidence of your past as a mercenary. He was both surprised and intrigued, and couldn't help but admire your skills and abilities as a former mercenary. You were initially reluctant to talk about your past, but Kyle was persistent, and eventually, you opened up and shared some of your experiences with him.

Kyle found your stories fascinating and couldn't help but see you in a different light, as a fierce and capable person who could potentially help him in his own missions. The thought of having a former mercenary by his side was exciting, and he began to envision all the potential benefits that could come from this new knowledge.

But as Kyle began to explore this idea, he also started to worry about what this could mean for their relationship. He recognized that mercenaries were known for being ruthless and unpredictable, and he was unsure how this new knowledge would affect their dynamic as a couple.

He wondered if you had truly left you past behind or if there was still a part of you that craved the thrill and adrenaline of life as a mercenary. He was aware that you were no longer the person you were back then, and that you had left that life behind for a reason, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of unease about your past.

Despite these concerns, Kyle found himself unable to shake off the idea of having a former mercenary by his side. The potential benefits were too appealing, and the thought of having you with him on his missions was exhilarating. He decided to talk to you about his thoughts and concerns, and to his surprise, you were quite understanding and supportive of his concerns.

You admitted to Kyle that you sometimes missed the thrill and adrenaline of life as a mercenary, but that you had learned to control those impulses and was now a completely different person. You reassured him that you had left that life behind for good and that you loved him with all your heart.

Kyle was touched by your words, and he realized that he had always been too caught up in his own thoughts and emotions to truly hear and understand you. He saw that you were not just a former mercenary, but a complex and multifaceted individual with your own hopes, dreams, and emotions.

Alejandro Vargas:

"You're kidding, right?" Alejandro's voice was rough and raspy, laced with a mix of disbelief and anger as his face contorted into a scowl. "An ex-merc?"

He took a step back, his eyes narrowing, his mind racing with questions as he tried to reconcile the sweet, kind person he thought he knew with this shocking revelation. The betrayal was palpable, and he could feel the tension in the air, the weight of the words hanging heavy between them.

This person, who he had trusted implicitly, who he had shared his life with, had been keeping a secret, a secret that threatened to tear apart everything he thought he knew about you. Anger and betrayal warred with confusion and hurt, and he felt a fierce protectiveness rising within him.

His hands curled into fists at his sides, and he tried to temper his emotions, to keep a cool head and not let his anger get the best of him. But the anger was hot, like a fire burning within, and it was hard to control.

"I trusted you," he muttered, his voice low and hoarse, "I trusted you, and you've been lying to me this whole time." The words were like a knife, sharp and stinging, and he felt a twinge of guilt at your cruelty.

But it was too late for regrets, too late to take back the things he had said. The hurt was too deep, the pain too real, and he found himself unable to contain his anger any longer. He turned away with a shudder, unable to bear to look at you, unable to bear the sight of the person he thought he knew so well, the person who had betrayed him in such a profound way.

He stood in silence for a moment, his mind racing, torn between a fierce protectiveness and a deep-seated anger. Finally, he found his voice again, and his words were softer, but no less heartfelt.

He wanted to lash out, to yell, to scream, but he forced himself to remain calm, to speak rationally, even though his heart was in turmoil. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, trying to find the words to express the depth of his betrayal and hurt.

The tension hung in the air between them, each word a knife, each word digging deeper and deeper into the other's heart. He wanted to rage, to scream, to let out the hurt and pain and anger that was choking him, but he couldn't. He couldn't let you see how much it hurt, how much it had hurt him to find out the truth.

His voice was softer now, softer than he meant it to be, softer than he wanted it to be. He wanted you to see, to feel, the depth of his pain, but he couldn't bear to let it all out, to let you see the hurt in his eyes, the pain in his heart.

"I can't trust you now," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know how to trust you now."

The words hung heavy in the air, the weight of the betrayal, of the lies, a burden that neither of them could bear. The hurt was written on your face, in your eyes, but he couldn't look at you, couldn't face the truth of what you had done.

The silence stretched on, a heavy weight pressing down on both of them, a silent confession of the damage that had been done, of the trust that had been broken. He knew there would be no coming back from this, no way to fix what had been broken, no way to repair the damage that had been done.

The pain was like a slow burn in his chest, and he felt a lump forming in his throat, but he forced it down, forced himself to be strong, to be calm, to be everything you needed him to be.

Finally, he found his voice again, his words measured, as if he was walking on eggshells. "I need some time to think," he said, his voice low, barely above a whisper. "I need some time to figure out what this means."

You nodded, your eyes downcast, your own words silent as you grappled with the magnitude of what you had done, with the pain you had caused. They stood there, in silence, for what felt like an eternity, each of them lost in their own thoughts, each of them grappling with the weight of the betrayal, of the lies, of the broken trust.

Valeria Garzas:

Valeria and her significant other, you, have been dating for several months. Valeria is a devoted humanitarian, working for a non-profit organization that provides aid to war-torn regions. you, on the other hand, are an ex-mercenary who has completed several violent contracts in the past.

One day, you decide to share your past with Valeria, feeling that you owe her honesty and transparency in your relationship. When Valeria hears the news, she's shocked and overwhelmed with emotion. She feels betrayed and lied to, as you had never mentioned your past before. She also feels a sense of fear and anxiety, wondering if your past could put them or their family in danger.

Valeria needs time to process and come to terms with this information. She may need to have difficult and honest conversations with you about your past, such as the reasons you became a mercenary and the specifics of your work. She may also need to consider how this information could impact their relationship and the future they may have together.

The first conversation between Valeria and you may be filled with tension and awkwardness, as neither of them know how to approach the subject. Valeria interrogates you to explain your past in detail, including why you became a mercenary and what your work entailed. You felt uncomfortable and ashamed, but you also know that you need to be open and honest with Valeria.

As the interrogation progresses, Valeria gains a better understanding of your past and how shaped you into the person you were today. You talked about your experiences and how they still impact you, both emotionally and psychologically.

Through these conversations, Valeria eventually comes to realization that your past does not define you, and that you are a person with a hard past. She understands that your past experiences have made you who you were today, and that you are still the person she has grown to love.

#captain john price x reader #john price x reader #captain john price #cod fanfic #john soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley x reader #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #valeria garza x reader #valeria garza #kyle gaz garrick x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #alejandro vargas

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smolvenger · 1 month

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In A World of Boys, He's a Gentleman (Professor! Tom Hiddleston x Reader blurb)

Summary: Collapsing into tears after a hellish week, your professor boyfriend confesses he loves you.

Warnings: cursing, some work problems (I may have used some of my irl experiences in here, oops) Reader liking Romantasy books, but other than that, some hurt/comfort and lots of fluff!

A/N: I decided to leave it ambiguous if Reader is a student or not, so that is personally up to you. From @holdmytesseract's request for the birthday blurbs! Thanks for your patience!

Word Count: >2K

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

If the past week was purgatory, then today was utter hell.

Everything in your life was driving you so busy, you felt both stasis and panic at once. You got so distracted that you would zone out on your phone closing and reopening the same apps for hours. Then at work, people were driving you up a wall. Because you were a good employee who had to get things done in the order and way they trained you or else…less got done. The impossibility of productivity crept on you. Minutes became hours. You had to argue with someone in a conversation that should have been four minutes but lasted eight because she would not shut up, kept repeating the same things over and over, would rarely let you speak and when you did, never replied or added onto your responses. On top of that, your body decided that the buttcrack dawn of morning when it was still dark was a good time to be awake. And impossible to drift back to sleep even when you took cold medicine. Which then made you exhausted at work.

Thank god for your professor boyfriend.

He was your light in the midst of all this. You had dated for some time, and even the sight of him putting on glasses in a nice suit as he headed off ofr work still made you tingly inside. He would leave you little gifts at your place- flower bouquets, cupcakes, and the like. You were at a point where you didn’t have to have romantic dates all the time. You were now just in his place. Just hanging out. Simple as that.

You could be quiet and not interact every second. As cats parallel played you could just be in comfortable silence together. Especially when it came reading- for you had something of a silent book club. You both turned off your phones and would sit devouring book after book.

He was a Literature professor, so it was in his nature. It seemed though sometimes he was never off the clock! He even challenged you- it was one thing that drew you to daring him. He was smart enough- he respected you as an intelligent being in your own right but was able to have questions and discussions. It was the academia in him. It made you grow into wanting to be a better person for him…and he for you.

Though today, your stress, anxiety, and semi insomnia was creeping up on you. You sat on the brown chair and he on his sofa. There was the same book in your hands. He was already rubbing a finger over his lips, pressing his glasses close. Enchanted by the spell words made. It was a well-reviewed piece of literature that won awards and was featured on the official lists of esteemed journals. He recommended this title to you and you were both reading it.

As you sat with your own copy that he leant you, you cracked open the stiff spine from it’s newness and began to read…

You were spacing out on the first chapter. It was dense, poetic, and beautiful….but you had no idea what the heck was going on.

After a few more pages, it was starting to get sad.

What was it with these books? And it was not cheery- Was high literature just sad things happening like people having affairs on their wives or committing abuse or doing drugs or going to war or just being awful with no repercussions?

With a sigh, you reached into your bag and pulled out a different book- an escapist, spicy romantasy that all the girls on social media were losing their minds over. You replaced the high literature book, setting it down quietly, and opened it. Tom was so engrossed in the book he didn’t notice. You didn’t want him to notice.

You found this time you were understanding the words in front of you. And you found yourself drawn. Was it the best piece of literature to be studied in a professors class in the future? Hell no. But you were here for a good time, not a long time. And not to study human nature deeply, but to be in a different world, where you had a different name, a different look, and different problems, but far more magical and exciting than everything crashing down in your dull, grey reality. One where your clothes were beautiful with corsets and fine fabric instead of just jeans. One where you would have a sword with a name then a smartphone that sucked all of your free time. One where you could be a princess, a queen, an assassin, a fae lady, a vampire, a pirate, a goddess, a duchess… anything other than plain old you in a plain old life at a plain old job.

Tom looked up. He then eyed over your cover and back at you.

You looked up at him and grimaced. Then you shoved the book back into your bag.

“Please! Don’t judge me!” you cried.

“Why would I judge you?” he asked.

You gestured over to the book in his hands.

“I’m reading this silly trash book and you have all of your fine literature!” you cried.

He set his own copy down, but his blue eyes softened.

“My dear…Is something up?” he asked.

He knew you well enough he could tell the signs.

“Yes, my day was hell! It was this and this and this and…I try to handle it but..I’m overwhelmed so I can’t…I really can’t…I’m not even smart enough to read this book, because I try and try but I just can’t understand this stuff and I can’t get into it, like you…I’m an idiot…”

You burst into tears, and he came over, hugging and kissing your head in little pecks.

“No…darling, no…” he murmured.

You leaned into his arms. You found yourself vneting and complaining the suffering long inside you.

“I know…I’m a mess…” you sobbed out. “And there was a lady at work who’s a bitch, and my job is so hard, and I can’t sleep at night…it’s just…I wish I could be smarter, nicer, better for you Tom, but…”

“How do you take tea?” he asked.

Looking up, you wiped your tears with your sleeve and answered him.

He made it for you the way you liked. It was the prettiest mug- white with bluebell flowers painted on it. And returned with it. You sipped at it, it was perfect in it’s flavor and so warm, you felt it melt inside you. You placed both hands around it- science said it was like receiving a hug. Feeling the warmth inside and outside as you looked up at him.

He scooted himself to be close, a gentle smile on his face and one of his large, beautiful hands rubbing your forearm in comfort.

“I know I’m a mess.” you said.

“I like you as a mess.”

You began to blink at him.

“No, I…but I’m…I’m trying, but I just…I know I complain and I read trashy books and I call people bitches and all that, you can say it, Tom. It’s the truth,” you replied.

“Set your drink down,” he requested.

You complied.

He cupped your face. A gasp aired itself in your throat.

“My dear, you are perfect as you are. A mess, broken, crying…and I want nothing else than to be with you.” he confessed.

You nearly dropped your jaw.

“That’s…a…you’re saying that…”

“Well…I…yes, I never thought I’d run into someone like you, who’d change everything. Why should I care if you feel upset sometimes like every human being or what you read to make you happy or that things aren’t always wonderful…I…I love you….there, I said it.”

Love. The little word that changed everything. And it was the first time he said it. It was…unspoken. Something you both felt for the long months you dated, but never confirmed. And here it was, materialized and as present as the furniture and mugs and books, for it was just as real.

“I love you too, Tom.”

You embraced him tight, and he embraced back. He then pressed his forehead to yours, squeezing hands.

He then let go, looking down at your mug.

“Here…your tea will get cold…” he said, offering the drink back to you.

“And…my book….” you murmured.

“Oh, I have no problems with you reading it with me! If it’s that good, I’ll make you another cup of tea and get us some biscuits as well! Then you must tell me all about it!” He gave a little laugh. “Who knows, I may even try it myself someday!”

Smiling with him, you gave him a kiss on his cheek. Then, you settled into cuddling him, sipping your tea and enjoying both of your books in a moment of pure bliss.

#carrie writes #professor! tom hiddleston #prof! tom x reader #prof! tom hiddleson x reader #tom hiddleston #fanfiction #fluff #fanfiction fluff #professor fanfiction #prof! tom #prof! tom hiddles #professor! tom hiddleston x you #professor! tom hiddleston imagine #professor! tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston x reader #prof! tom my beloved

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 9 months

Text

Note: this request has been sitting in my messages for a long time. I wrote bits and pieces every now and then, but as it was a request which hit home hard, I ended up working a lot of real life experiences in this story, so I've shed a lot of tears too and often had to leave the fic alone for a few days. I really hope you will enjoy this read, @hb8301. Also, I loved how you requested Sihtric to be an MMA fighter, and therefore it had crossed my mind many times to work your request into the Fighter fic, but I didn't. I felt this deserved to be a standalone fic. Thank you for your patience, again, I hope it's worth the wait. also, for everyone: go here to get familiar with the symptoms of breast cancer.

Warnings: angst/fluff. focus point is reader having breast cancer and getting treatment. spoiler alert: happy ending!

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: Sihtric was away from home, preparing for his next fight, and you had to tell him some bad news when he got home. And together, you had to face this battle.

Word count: 5,5k

Masterlist

'Don't call me Bambi.'

*****************

A few days ago you suddenly discovered a little lump in your breast, and it had freaked you out. You went pale and started to tremble, hoping your gut feeling was wrong, but you knew better and immediately made a doctor's appointment.

Sihtric, your long time boyfriend who was also a prized MMA fighter, was preparing for his upcoming fight, which was scheduled in 5 days and, with your permission, was spending the last week before his fight at a secluded training camp with his team. This was something he always did, as his mind had to be clear and his only focus should be to win that fight. You didn't like being without him for a week, but you supported him, knowing he would mess up his chances of winning if he didn't go to camp, because you knew he could not resist the temptation back home; you.

You wouldn't see Sihtric until next monday, the day after his fight, and you weren't present at his fight because it was abroad this time. Sihtric had reluctantly left you back home, but he understood and said he'd video call you every day, which he faithfully did.

*************

'Hey, gorgeous,' Sihtric smiled when you appeared on his screen, and he raked his hand through his long, messy hair as he sat back against a wall at the gym. You heard the sound of gloves punching bags in the background and you figured Sihtric actually didn't have time to talk, and called during a short break.

You chuckled and felt yourself blush at his words and at the sight of him. After all these years you were still in love like a pair of teenagers.

'Hey, handsome,' you said as you switched on your night light and sat up in bed.

'Did I wake you, honey?' Sihtric frowned. It was only 10 in the evening and he knew you were a night owl, just like him, so he was surprised to see you in bed. 'Are you okay, baby? You look a little pale.'

'I'm fine,' you lied, 'how's training? Still going at it I see?'

'It's going well. Fight's getting close now,' Sihtric shrugged and stopped mid sentence as he looked at you. He scratched his short, well kept beard as he tilted his head to the side while he looked deep in thought. Sihtric picked up on energies and emotions really quick, and you knew he sensed something was wrong.

'You sure you're okay, baby?'

'I am,' you smiled, 'just tired. Had a busy day,' you chuckled lightly to which he smiled.

'Gotta keep yourself busy,' Sihtric said before he looked up at someone who wanted his attention at the gym, 'yeah, 5 minutes, okay?' he looked back at you, 'I don't have much time today, my love, I'm sorry. Few more days, then I'm all yours again.'

'I miss you, Siht,' you suddenly said with a trembling voice, which he picked up on as well.

'I miss you too, sweetie. But what's going on?'

'Nothing, babe… I just… I wish you- you were home,' you suddenly let out a sob and started to cry.

'Honey?' Sihtric jumped up, alarmed, and as if he could just run over to you, 'baby? What is wrong?' his eyes darted all over his screen as he watched you cry, feeling completely powerless as he was a 6 hour flight away from you.

You couldn't speak, you only shook your head and tried to smile through your tears.

'Baby, do I have to come home? Did something happen? Talk to me, love. Please, say something?'

By now the gym had gotten quiet, as everyone had heard the alarmed tone in his voice after he they saw him jump up. But like Sihtric, they had no idea what was going on.

'No- no,' you said, trying to control your emotions, 'I'm just really tired… I miss you…'

'Where is this coming from, little deer? It's not the first time I'm away from home like this...'

You smiled weakly at the way he called you 'little deer'. Sihtric had called you 'Bambi' when you first started dating, because he loved the way you looked up at him with your big eyes, and he said you reminded him of a deer. You thought it was cute but you said you didn't like being called 'Bambi', because the movie made you sad, as Bambi's mother died and Bambi also got shot, so it always made you think of death in a silly way. Sihtric had smiled sweetly at you when he said that Bambi survived and lived happily ever after, but you just couldn't get used to it. So he called you 'little deer' instead, which you thought was sweet.

'I don't know,' you sniffled, 'guess my hormones are all over the place again, you know, full Moon and all that…'

Sihtric snorted and rolled his eyes. 'You and your Moon phases,' he smiled, 'I will fight the Moon next, I swear, because I hate seeing you like this and apparently the Moon's to blame.'

You smiled again and wiped your tears.

'Hang on for a few more days, okay, baby? I'm home soon again, love. I miss you, I love you, and I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and feel you in my arms again,' Sihtric said softly before he looked up at someone in the gym again. He nodded and looked back at you and sighed. 'Hey, I gotta go, I'm sorry, honey. Promise me you'll be okay?'

'I will be okay,' you hoped.

'Good. I will be there again soon. And if you need me back home, any time, I don't care when, even if it's an hour before the fight, you call me, okay?' Sihtric rambled on, 'call me and I come straight home, yeah? I love you, baby. Miss you. Sweet dreams, sleep tight, text me when you're up?'

'I will,' you smiled tiredly, 'I love you too, honey. Good luck with your training.'

'Thank you, baby. I'm going to win this fight for you, and every fight after this one,' Sihtric smiled, 'sweet dreams, little deer.'

He blew you a few kisses, which you returned, and then you both ended the call. You couldn't wait to see him again, but you were also dreading his return home. Because when he got back home, you'd have to tell him that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer stage 2.

*****************

Sihtric had won his fight. You had seen it live on tv and you had been running and screaming through your living room as you saw it happen. And for a moment you had forgotten all about the illness that had made a home inside your body. Until Sihtric was briefly interviewed after the fight, in the centre of the octagon while being surrounded by his team, and he had thanked everyone for their support before he turned to look straight into the camera and yelled, 'I know you're watching, little deer,' he winked, 'I love you, I fought and won for you and I'll be home again tomorrow, baby!' and Sihtric had kissed the camera before his team dragged him back to celebrate his win.

You cried when you saw it, because you loved him, missed him and you were so proud of him. But you also cried because you knew he would not take the news well, as he always told you his biggest fear was losing you.

*****************

'No,' Sihtric scoffed as he held your hands, 'no,' he shook his head and he looked at you, confused with a half smile, as if waiting for you to tell him it was all a really bad joke. 'I don't understand,' he went on, 'are… are you sure? I mean, hospitals make mistakes, right?'

You said nothing as you watched his smile slowly fade.

'I mean… they… they,' Sihtric swallowed hard, 'can they run the tests again?' his eyes darted over your, surprisingly, calm face. 'They can check again, right, baby?' his voice became shaky as his lower lip startled to tremble, 'baby, they- they made a mistake? It has to be… I… they're wrong…'

'Sihtric,' you whispered and squeezed his hands. Your eyes teared up as you saw his tears fall down.

'They… I- I will call them,' Sihtric became angry, 'they'll run those fucking tests again and see they're wrong! I don't care how much it costs! They made a mistake!'

'Honey, please,' you whispered, 'it's not a mistake, I-'

'No!' Sihtric jumped up, 'they're lying!' he shouted through his tears and kicked over the dinner chair he just sat on. 'Fuck this fucking bullshit, fuck!' He breathed hard as his tears kept falling and walked to the garden door, which he kicked open with such force, it almost fell off its hinges, and you watched Sihtric storm outside, into the backyard. You saw how he kicked at the grass as he cursed and eventually kicked the birdhouse, which tipped over, and as he wanted to kick it again, he got his foot stuck in the house and aggressively tried to shake off the birdhouse from his ankle.

Sihtric had taken it exactly how you thought he would; not well. You had told him about the diagnosis and also made it very clear that it could be treated. It would be rough, yes, but you were lucky to have found it this early. With surgery and chemo, the doctors gave your recovery chances almost 100%.

But you were pretty sure Sihtric hadn't heard a single word after you had taken his hands and said, 'My love, I need you to really listen to what I am going to say, and please, don't freak out…'

****************

Weeks had passed since Sihtric heard the news and had destroyed the birdhouse, because his big foot had gotten stuck in it. Your surgery was now scheduled and you had started your chemotherapy a few days ago. The plan was to shrink the tumour so you could have breast conserving surgery.

You had been rather calm, despite everything. You had faith in the treatment and you felt it was going to be okay. Afterall; it is what it is. But Sihtric was a mess. He refused to leave your side throughout the day and at night he held you tightly in his arms.

Sihtric tried to be strong for you and helped out with every little thing, as if you were suddenly a fragile doll, and he freaked out every time you felt nausea, dizzy or had to throw up because of the chemo. But you weren't a fragile doll. You were still the same strong woman you were before your diagnosis. Except that you had felt rather sick after each chemo treatment, but other than that, you were okay.

Regardless, you let Sihtric do whatever he wanted to help you with, because he just didn't know how to cope, and you could tell. Sihtric told you he was fine, but you knew he barely slept. At night, he would often stay up a little longer than you, and said he just wanted to watch some light tv before he joined you in bed, just to take his mind off things. But each night, when he thought you were asleep already, he'd simply break down and cry on the couch. And each night you would hear his long, desperate grunts, which he tried to muffle as he screamed and cried into a pillow downstairs, but his heartbreaking bellow simply cut through everything.

And each night you wanted to hold him in your arms, tell him that everything would truly be okay. But you knew he was simply afraid and that he was just trying to deal with this in his own way, which was different for each person, so you had to let him cry at night as it seemed to be his only outlet since he took a break from training to be with you. And when he joined you in bed after he had calmed down, an hour later, you would simply cuddle up and tell him how much you loved him.

'I would rather die than live without you,' Sihtric said one night, as he held you.

'But I'm not going anywhere,' you reassured him, 'I'm not leaving you. This is not how I go, I promise.'

'This is the one fight I can't win for you,' he said quietly.

'Then fight with me. I need you to fight with me. And I promise you, my love, this is not going to take me down.'

'You will have to bury me, before I bury you,' Sihtric said.

'Oh, I will bury you if you destroy another birdhouse I made myself.'

'I'm sorry, little deer, I will build you a new one,' Sihtric chuckled softly in your ear and pecked your cheek.

'Baby, you have two left hands,' you giggled, 'great for punching bags and opponents, but not for building me a birdhouse.'

'Is that all my hands are good for?' Sihtric asked, and you could hear him smile as his hand trailed down your body, 'or should I remind you what else I'm good at with my hands?'

You giggled when he snuck his hand down your panties. Despite everything, Sihtric still made sure you knew how much he loved you. And while you didn't feel well enough to have sex, because it was quite a workout with him, he would still pleasure you in a way that was comfortable for you whenever you wanted it.

****************

After your second week of chemo, things became a little harder, but Sihtric still was by your side 24/7. Except for that hour after you had gone to bed already. Then he'd either scream and cry in a pillow, or go to the gym in the basement and punch a wall, instead of a bag, until his knuckles bled. But during the day, he wouldn't show you any of his pain or how scared he still was. He only wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

'Sihtric,' you said one night.

'Hm?' he hummed, looking down at you in his arms.

'What if… when I- I start to lose my hair…' you tried not to cry, because out of everything, that is what you feared the most. Which was ridiculous actually, but you couldn't help it. 'Would you s…shave my head?'

Sihtric clenched his jaw when he saw you tear up, and swallowed hard.

'Would you want me to do that?' his voice was soft.

You nodded silently.

'Then of course I will,' he sniffled, 'everything for you, my love, always.'

'Would… would you still love me when… when my hair…'

'Don't be silly, baby, of course I will. Always.'

***************

You just finished your 3rd week of chemo.

You got out of the shower and blow dried your hair, as usual, but when you raked your fingers through it, you suddenly pulled out full locks of hair. You gasped and dropped the hairdryer, which broke in five pieces as it hit the floor, and about three seconds later you heard Sihtric storm up the stairs.

'Baby!' he yelled before he bursted into the bathroom, 'hey!'

He knew you had been feeling tired and a little dizzy, so he worried you had fallen or simply fainted. Sihtric froze when he saw the broken hairdryer on the floor. And then he saw your crying face and your trembling hand, with a whole strand of hair tangled around your fingers. And without thinking he raked his own fingers through his long hair and looked bewildered. You took a deep breath and looked at him.

'I need the… the ha- hair clipper.'

Sihtric nodded and was quick to grab it and plugged it in. He looked at you and pulled you close.

'Do you want me to do it?' he asked softly, 'or will you try it yourself?'

'I'll… try it.'

Sihtric helped you with the settings as you both sniffled, and he got behind you as you looked in the mirror, ready to shave your hair off, for the first time in your life. He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding your trembling body tight, and he kissed your cheek several times.

'You got this, baby,' he whispered, 'you'll be so fucking beautiful, I just know it.'

You chuckled lightly through your tears and brought the hair clipper up… but you couldn't do it and broke down in tears again. Sihtric took the clipper out of your hands and held you even tighter.

'It's okay, my love,' he hushed you, 'don't be afraid. I know you don't want to hear it, but it will grow back before you know it.'

'I know, just… just do it, Sihtric, just get it over with,' your shoulders jerked as you cried.

Sihtric moved around you and took your chin gently, lifted it slightly up and he kissed your lips, pouring out the endless love he felt for you.

'I love you,' he whispered, 'no matter what, Bambi.'

'Don't call me Bambi,' you sniffled with a small smile.

'Actually,' Sihtric said, 'I will call you Bambi. You know why?'

You shook your head as you watched him move behind you again, and you felt his arm back around your waist.

'Because,' Sihtric said as he looked at your reflection, 'Bambi was a bad bitch who lived happily ever after.'

You snorted and wiped your tears.

'And guess what?'

'What?' you sniffled again.

'You're a bad bitch who will live happily ever after too,' Sihtric winked, and then asked if you were ready.

You said you weren't, but told him to just do it. And he did. You closed your eyes and hid your face behind your hands as you felt your hair fall down your shoulders, over your bare arms, onto your bare feet. And when he was done, you felt Sihtric press a kiss to your shaved head and he told you that you still looked like 'a fucking goddess'.

After a long moment you finally opened your eyes and you cried at your reflection. It wasn't that bad, but you simply hated it and felt like you weren't yourself anymore. You had considered a wig, but you knew it would also raise questions, so you'd rather just be bald.

'Baby, don't cry,' Sihtric tried to hush you, 'you… you can wear beanies?'

'Baby, it's fucking summer!' you cried out, 'I… I can't hide this. Everyone,' you scoffed lightly, 'everyone will fucking stare at me, and they'll know. They'll just know and they will fucking stare and they will pity me. And I don't want any fucking pity!'

Sihtric sighed and looked at you. He honestly thought you were still breathtaking, and he hated the fact you were worried people would stare at you and treat you differently once they saw you without your long locks.

'I'll give them something to fucking stare at,' Sihtric huffed and switched on the hairclipper. And before you could even react or stop him, he started shaving his head.

'Baby, no!' you gasped, but it was already too late. You expected him to shave it all off, just like you, but he didn't, and he stopped almost halfway up his head.

'There,' Sihtric said as he rubbed one hand over his freshly shaved side and raked his other hand through the curls he had kept, 'that'll give them something to stare at.'

****************

You had gotten used to Sihtric's haircut rather fast, and you thought it actually looked really hot and you said he should keep it. He told you he might, and said he loved the way you looked too, and wouldn't mind it if you would shave your hair off again in the future some day. But you said you probably wouldn't.

About a month has passed since your chemo and your surgery was scheduled for tomorrow.

'You know,' you said as you picked at your dinner, 'you should pick up your training again, Sihtric.'

'I will when you are healed.'

'No, babe,' you smiled softly, 'don't neglect what you worked so hard for because of all this. You can still do your own things while I recover. In fact, it… it would be good for you to pick up your regular life again too.'

'My life isn't regular right now!' Sihtric raised his voice and slammed his fork down. Then he buried his face in his hands, trying to control his anger and stress about your surgery tomorrow. 'I'm sorry, baby,' he said softly and took your hand, 'I… I can't focus on anything else but you. Picking up my training would probably only do more damage as I will fight with anger, without thinking straight.'

'I understand,' you said, 'but I will have to stay over in the hospital for at least a few nights. I need to know you will be okay on your own.'

'But I'm not going back home,' Sihtric scoffed, 'I will stay with you.'

'No, you can't-'

'I'm not leaving you alone in the hospital!'

'I don't know if that's a possibility, Sihtric.'

'I will not leave you,' he said again.

And you stopped arguing, because you knew he meant well. So you kissed his lips and his bruised knuckles, which you had already told him off about earlier.

****************

'You got everything?' Sihtric asked, just before he was about to drive you to the hospital.

'Yeah.'

'Actually,' Sihtric said and took your hand before you could walk out the front door, 'there's something…,' he reached into his hoodie and suddenly got down on one knee, 'I… I know this is not the… there's nothing romantic about this. And I'm sorry, but I- I couldn't let you leave without… without knowing if you- you will marry me?'

Sihtric held up a ring to you. You were stunned and started to cry, again.

'Of course I will,' you blubbered as Sihtric slipped the ring on your finger and kissed you while you both cried.

'I will marry you as soon as all of this is dealt with,' Sihtric promised.

***************

'What do you mean I can't stay the night!?' Sihtric said, heated.

'I'm sorry, sir, but your girlfriend-' your doctor tried to speak.

'Fiancé!'

'... F-fiancé needs to rest. She will be allowed to have visitors between 10 and 2 tomorrow.'

'So I can't even see her now?!'

'I'm sorry. The surgery went well but due to the chemo that affected her body she will need rest now.'

'No… no, I want to see her,' Sihtric scoffed, 'you can't keep me from seeing my fiancé!'

'Sir, I will have you removed if you will not listen. I am sorry. I understand this is very hard to hear-'

'What the fuck do you possibly understand about this?' Sihtric spat as he towered over the doctor.

Sihtric was ready to throw a punch, but then he remembered you had told him to behave, even if he wasn't allowed to be near you, which you had expected. You said that if he would make a scene, he wouldn't be allowed to see you at all anymore until you came home, and you didn't know when that was.

'Fine!' Sihtric snarled, 'I'll just wait here then!'

'You can't…' the doctor tried, but gave up.

Sihtric threw his jacket on the floor, next to the door to your room. He sat down, crossed his arms, and looked up at the doctor with a clenched jaw.

'Savages,' the doctor muttered, 'all of them fighters are savages.' He threw his hands up as he shook his head and walked away.

And Sihtric would wait. He slept on the floor in the hallway, while it was actually not allowed, but the poor old man that was the night security guard didn't dare to wake him up and send him home.

*************

You had been awake for hours already but had no idea Sihtric was right outside your door, as he was not allowed in and no one had told you about his presence. So when you suddenly heard some commotion outside at 10 in the morning, you were a little startled.

'No, you said ten! It's ten now!' Sihtric said as the doctor tried to stop him from storming in your room at exactly 10 in the morning.

'Sihtric?' you frowned as he suddenly barged in with a panicked doctor behind him.

'Baby,' Sihtric said as he ran to you, immediately tearing up and he grabbed your face to kiss you.

You weren't sure if you felt dizzy because of the meds in your system or because the way he kissed you was incredibly arousing at that moment, but you enjoyed it all the same.

'You look rough,' you smiled when you looked at him.

'Yeah, they made me sleep on the floor,' Sihtric said as he glanced over his shoulder at the doctor, who threw his hands up in defence.

'What?' you scoffed lightly, 'but- but why didn't you just go home?'

The doctor huffed, 'that's what I sug-'

'And leave you?' Sihtric interrupted the doctor, 'never.'

**************

After a few days of hospital food you finally got to go home. Sihtric, who never left the hospital either before your release, drove you home while he looked worse than you. Back home, you showered together and he carefully helped you take care of the wound you had after your surgery, and he would continue to do so until it was all healed up.

'Would you not mind it if... the scar...'

'Baby,' Sihtric said, 'you think I will care that you have a scar? Have you seen my face?'

**************

'Darling,' Sihtric said a few weeks after the surgery, 'the guys have been texting me non-stop. They want to come over and see you. Are you up for that?'

'Of course,' you smiled. You slowly but surely started to regain your strength the past few days and felt more like yourself again.

'Can I invite them over tonight?'

'Sure.'

'We can order pizza and watch a movie. You want that, honey? You can pick whatever you want to watch.'

'I don't mind, Sihtric,' you chuckled, 'everything's fine with me.'

Sihtric had absolutely spoiled you since you came home again. Not a day went by that he wouldn't surprise you with flowers, balloons, teddy bears, of which you had about 12 by now, or simply with your favourite food or drink. He cleaned the house, did the laundry, he cooked, everything was fine with him, as long as you could just sit back and relax. And when you craved something at midnight but didn't have it in the house, he'd use his contacts to get it as fast as possible. He did everything for you, whatever you wanted.

Sihtric was also more than happy to please you when your sex drive slowly but surely came back again. And he was as good with his mouth and tongue as he was with his hands and fingers. You weren't fully ready yet to have sex with him, but you did obviously long to see and hear him being pleased as well, but he wouldn't let you do anything on him right now, not until you were fully recovered, because you were still tired rather fast.

'What if… what if I just kiss you, and you… you know…'

'Jerk off?' Sihtric grinned, 'yeah, that'll work for me.'

That problem was solved rather quickly. It became an almost daily routine you both enjoyed, and you even had to clean yourself up fast, minutes before Sihtric's friends came over.

You opened the front door and were greeted by Uhtred, who held (another) gigantic teddy bear, Finan, who held a couple of balloons, and Osferth, who held a large bouquet of pink roses. They all hugged you and shed a tear. They hadn't seen you or Sihtric since this all had started, as Sihtric had isolated himself completely to take care of you.

'You look good,' Uhtred smiled, 'the bald look actually looks great.'

'Right?' you laughed, 'I got used to it. But I can't wait to have my long hair back again.'

'And you will look just as pretty,' Finan smiled.

'You are beautiful no matter what,' Osferth blushed as he handed you the roses.

'Thank you,' you chuckled as you heard Sihtric enter the hallway and the men all cheered.

'There he is!' Uhtred smiled, 'finally.'

'What happened to your hair, mate?' Finan snorted.

Sihtric had kept his half shaved cut, simply because you had fallen in love with it. You told the men about the day your hair fell out, and what Sihtric had done. And after that, they all sniffled and didn't dare to say another word about Sihtric's hair anymore.

'Oh, he also proposed,' you suddenly said.

'What?!' they all yelled, after which they pulled you both in for a group hug and cried again. They were such softies, all of them.

You all sat in the living room as you waited for the pizzas to be delivered. Sihtric had pulled you in his lap and kept his arms tightly around your waist as he nuzzled your neck and cheek ever so often, and planted soft pecks whenever he could. Sihtric never shied away from displaying his affection when others were around, but he definitely became even more affectionate after your sickness. Sihtric still struggled to talk about everything, so he simply focused on you. And you told the guys everything that had happened since Sihtric had left for the fight. You all shed a tear when you told them why you had cried during the video call that one evening, and you all laughed when you said how Sihtric had gotten his foot stuck in the birdhouse.

'He promised he'd built me a new one,' you reminded him, to which you all laughed.

'I will, in time. I promise,' Sihtric whispered in your ear as Uhtred jumped up to open the door for the pizzas. You all ate and joked around before you moved to sit on the large couch together to watch a movie; Bambi. Uhtred sat on the far left, next to him was Sihtric, then Finan, and Osferth sat on the far right. It was a large couch, but they sat shoulder to shoulder.

'I guess I'll sit on the floor,' you joked as you saw there was no more space.

'No!' they all shouted, and Sihtric pulled you towards him. You sat half on Uhtred's and Sihtric's lap, while your legs rested on Finan and Osferth their thighs. And like that, surrounded by your favourite pretty boys, you had the best night in months because it all felt almost back to normal again. Which you needed, and Sihtric too. And as the home you lived in with Sihtric was rather large, the guys all stayed the night too.

The next morning you found the four guys in your backyard as they were building a new birdhouse from scratch. You wanted to offer them coffee, but Osferth came running and turned you around, saying you couldn't see the house yet. Sihtric followed behind Osferth to give you a quick kiss and to walk you back inside.

Hours later they yelled at you from the backyard and presented you with your new, one of a kind, birdhouse. You weren't sure how a bird would be able to get in the house, but at least Sihtric's foot would also not fit in the tiny opening either.

**************

It would take a while before you would be considered fully cured. But many, many months had passed since your surgery, and you were feeling pretty much back to normal again. Your hair had been growing again too, and it had gotten to a nice length, which Sihtric was absolutely smitten by as he found out he could braid your hair. He braided it the same way as his hair was braided during his fights, and he almost passed out when he saw how it looked on you. He loved it so much, he actually proposed again.

And speaking about proposals, you were about to get married. You and Sihtric decided to not wait any longer, as you had said you were feeling as good as "normal" again.

The wedding was small and intimate, in a cosy venue and only your close friends and family were present. Sihtric had grabbed onto Finan, his best man, because he was almost going to faint when he saw you walking down the aisle, with your hair braided, wearing a beautiful long dress and a smile on your face. Sihtric started sobbing the moment he took your hands, which caused you to cry too, and then everyone cried, so it was all a mess. But the best kind of mess.

You couldn't believe you were able to dance and party all night again, and you made the most of it, with your ridiculously handsome husband. And after the party, when everyone went home, Sihtric took you to a fancy hotel suite he had booked for the wedding night. And that night was the first time you had sex again, after everything that had happened. And it was the most incredible sex of your life, which you thought was pretty impressive, as it had always been good with Sihtric before. And the next morning, you'd have sex with him again. In bed, in the hottub, and on the floor. And you knew then that you were finally fully feeling like yourself again.

You couldn't possibly have a better start to your wedded life, and you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with Sihtric; your husband, your fighter and, which you would soon find out, the father of your first child. And Sihtric had been right all along, you would live happily ever after, just like Bambi.

*************

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @chompchompluke @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx

[DM to be added to/removed from taglist! & don’t be shy to like, reblog & comment!🖤]

#sihtric x you #sihtric x reader #the last kingdom fic #sihtric fic #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #sihtric #tlk #modern!sihtric

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crying-wolves · 8 months

Note

hi!! why stress when you can be in a fictional world??

so i kept seeing my ex this week 🫣 after not seeing them for a year 🥴 and im over her but it’s like first gay love you know? that shit fucks you up!!!

i kept thinking about abby and how i wish i could text her 😭😭 like babe come pick me up PLEASE

so yeah maybe something around that?? i think we all need some abby comfort

You usually weren’t known for making mistakes.

Seriously, as overconfident and precise as it sounds, you were always the smart one. Level-headed in a way that pissed your friends off when all they wanted to do was go a little feral. Experiment. Let whatever happens, happen.

Yeah, you didn’t buy into that whole “let the universe make your choices for you” moonshine. Didn’t appeal to you in the slightest.

So why, oh, why are you spending your Friday night standing outside of a crumbling sports bar, rubbing at those tears that threaten to fall from your eyes onto the ground below you?

You guess the universe pushes and pushes until it finally has its way with you in the end.

Your fingers had dialed practically everyone of your four roommates in the past 10 minutes that you’ve been standing out in the balmy summer air, but, of fucking course, each call went straight to voice mail every single time.

Figures! The one time you decide to do something out of your comfort zone and everything starts spinning off its axis immediately.

The idea of calling an Uber flits across the back of your mind, but you really don’t want to spend anymore money tonight, having already handed your card over to the bartender enough times that you were thoroughly buzzed and feeling that if you checked your bank account right now, all of those vodka sodas would come racing back up your throat. Hard pass.

It isn’t until you scroll through your contacts for the fifth consecutive time and land right back at the top, however, that you stop to consider what may be the most obvious answer of the night: Abby Anderson. Fuckin’ duh.

Abby “Permanent Designated Driver” Anderson. The girl who has decidedly quit drinking altogether after deciding that she really wants to take her whole softball career seriously. Abby Anderson who is always, always wide awake into the deep recesses of the night, cramming for her 8am or putting in a few last minute hours at the gym.

Abby Anderson, sweet, sweet, Abby, somehow bestowed with the patience of a saint and the subtlety of a freight train, who will definitely pick you up, but won’t hesitate to ask what you’re doing at this ratty old place at 2:30 in the morning.

It’s probably a lot better than practically dragging your way home, so, why not?

You dial the number and she picks up within 3 rings, a little out of breath. You guess she took on the weight room, tonight.

“Yeah?”

Your body stiffens. Fuck! How well do you actually know Abby? You’ve barhopped with her and some other friends in the past, but most of those nights were spent casually sipping at a bottle of soda while you listen to everyone else converse and socialize. When was the last time you actually spoke to her?

“Is this one of those county cop calls that keeps going around campus, cause I’m not signing your fuckin’ petition—“

“No, no!” You blurt out, a little surprised at yourself. “It’s just— I mean, it’s just…me?”

Abby says your name inquisitively through the phone, sounding as startled as you are. “Hey…is everything alright?”

You scan your surroundings as if they’ll give you the answer that you’re looking for, and shrug like she can see you. Could be worse, you guess?

“Are you busyyy tonight?” You slur a little, and she seems concerned at the sound.

“No, I’m, uh, free? Are you in—“

“Could you, maybeee, give me a ride home?”

You think you can hear a ‘pause sound’ moving through her head, or maybe you’re just a bit more drunk than you thought.

“Yeah! Yeah, totally, just…are you off-campus, or—?”

“Mmhmm! I’llsendyouthelocation, byeee!”

You click the end call button and stare st the black screen. Since when did you get so frazzled over talking to her? She sounds the same as she usually does, right? Choosing not to think about it too much, the location is sent her way and, judging by the distance, she should be there in 20 minutes.

She’s there in 15. You hear her before you can actually make out the vehicle in the distance. It’s late. The roads are empty. You didn’t give her much context, so, you don’t exactly blame her for hurrying.

But her car pulls up in front of you like a heavy metal chariot, and you get a little anxious about stepping into the passenger’s seat in your sheer black dress and platform heels.

Neither of you say anything for the first minute and you’re rather grateful. Your insides feel like poorly melted snow, and you’re not sure if it’s the way that Abby’s gripping the steering wheel or the fact that she keeps glancing over at you through the side window. You see your legs shift against the leather seats, but your mind is elsewhere.

“Did you, uh, get to the bar alone?” She begins, tapping her thick fingers against the wheel, sounding like she’s trying to broach something, but you don’t know what it is yet.

You squint down at your phone screen to check the time again. Right. The evening started way earlier than you remembered.

“Nope. Came here on a blind date.”

Abby tries not to react like that shocks her, but she doesn’t quite make the mark.

“You went—! Oh! Right! ‘course! Makes sense…”

Silence, again. The kind that’s unbearable in situations like these. You roll down the window for some fresh air, but it makes the both of you sweat even more.

“Did it…go well?”

You purse your lips together and shake your head. “Nope. She was kind of a dick.”

Abby lets out a breathy chuckle at your answer and you decide to keep going.

“She wasn’t really that into me. Kept chatting up the waitress and interrupting me whenever I spoke. Said she had to leave early to pick up her little brother from his friend’s house, but she said she was an only child when I asked earlier, so…”

“Damn…that’s—that’s rough…”

“Yeah…”

What is with the both of you and pained silences? Seems to be something in the air tonight.

Abby clears her throat while you’re silently moping at the memories, and when you get to a red light, she turns to take you in.

“If it makes you feel any better, the last date I went on snuck out of the back door before dessert.”

You gasp, dramatically, and she rolls her eyes in the same manner.

“No fuckin’ way! You’re tellin’ meee that someone would actually pass up a chance to go on a date with you?” The utter disbelief that you stare up at her with makes her cheeks go pink, and she can’t help but feel a little satisfied with herself. She smiles, a little bitterly.

“Not as much of a catch as you think I am, babe.”

You can’t help but giggle. “Oh, I hardly believe that, Ms. Anderson.”

If there’s one thing you can thank the alcohol for, besides getting you in Abby’s car in the first place, it’s the extra push it gives you to go for the things you actually want.

“You know, Abigail, if you’re into it, we could, maybe, do a repeat performance of our shitty dates with each other, and make them…not shitty? How’s that sound?”

You feel the smile before you see it on her face. It’s like she can bring the warmth of the sun into any space she occupies.

“Well…” she starts “As long as you promise to at least tell me before you sneak out the back, then, we got ourselves a deal.”

You’re giddy with all that light she brings. And, you think, briefly, that sure, maybe you don’t usually make these kinds of mistakes, but at least this one scored you a date with THE Abby Anderson.

So, maybe, possibly, the universe could very well be onto something.

#Bestie tell me why this is 1.3k words after I told myself it would be something short and sweet 🫣 I hope u like it <3 #my first wlw relationship BROKE me so don’t beat urself up over still seeing them!!!#take care of urself I love u💜#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson fanfic #lovey replies!#abby anderson fluff

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proto-actual · 2 months

Text

Hey tronblr. It's sysop. Let's talk about the Midjourney thing.

(There's also a web-based version of this over on reindeer flotilla dot net).

Hey tronblr. It's sysop. Let's talk about the AI thing for a minute.

Automattic, who owns Tumblr and WordPress dot com, is selling user data to Midjourney. This is, obviously, Bad. I've seen a decent amount of misinformation and fearmongering going around the last two days around this, and a lot of people I know are concerned about where to go from here. I don't have solutions, or even advice -- just thoughts about what's happening and the possibilities.

In particular... let's talk about this post, Go read it if you haven't. To summarize, it takes aim at Glaze (the anti-AI tool that a lot of artists have started using). The post makes three assertions, which I'm going to paraphrase:

It's built on stolen code.

It doesn't matter whether you use it anyway.

So just accept that it's gonna happen.

I'd like to offer every single bit of this a heartfelt "fuck off, all the way to the sun".

Let's start with the "stolen code" assertion. I won't get into the weeds on this, but in essence, the Glaze/Nightshade team pulled some open-source code from DiffusionBee in their release last March, didn't attribute it correctly, and didn't release the full source code (which that particular license requires). The team definitely should have done their due diligence -- but (according to the team, anyway) they fixed the issue within a few days. We'll have to take their word on that for now, of course -- the code isn't open source. That's not great, but that doesn't mean they're grifters. It means they're trying to keep people who work on LLMs from picking apart their tactics out in the open. It sucks ass, actually, but... yeah. Sometimes that's how software development works, from experience.

Actually, given the other two assertions... y'know what? No. Fuck off into the sun, twice. Because I have no patience for this shit, and you shouldn't either.

Yes, you should watermark your art. Yes, it's true that you never know whether your art is being scraped. And yes, a whole lot of social media sites are jumping on the "generative AI" hype train.

That doesn't mean that you should just accept that your art is gonna be scraped, and that there's nothing you can do about it. It doesn't mean that Glaze and Nightshade don't work, or aren't worth the effort (although right now, their CPU requirements are a bit prohibitive). Every little bit counts.

Fuck nihilism! We do hope and pushing forward here, remember?

As far as what we do now, though? I don't know. Between the Midjourney shit, KOSA, and people just generally starting to leave... I get that it feels like the end of something. But it's not -- or it doesn't have to be. Instead of jumping over to other platforms (which are just as likely to have similar issues in several years), we should be building other spaces that aren't on centralized platforms, where big companies don't get to make decisions about our community for us. It's hard. It's really hard. But it is possible.

All I know is that if we want a space that's ours, where we retain control over our work and protect our people, we've gotta make it ourselves. Nobody's gonna do it for us, y'know?

#// txt #tronblr

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random-lil-illing · 9 months

Text

Call of Duty Ghosts headcanons bc im bored

things these hcs will not have: angst, nsfw, reader/ocs, death (i know ajax died but no he didn't. and logan didn't get kidnapped/taken by the federation wdym)

things that will appear: lots and lots of keegan, a lot of teen! keegan and ajax, logan and hesh, fluff, silliness, lgbtq+ themes, elias, merrick, some rorke, and a tiny bit of neptune and kick. Also riley is there!!! gotta love the dog. also theres swearing. oh and this is a somewhat long post

okay so first up teen keegan and ajax hcs (aka when they first joined the ghosts)

-they lied about their ages for the first few months and then randomly went 'yeah we're actually 16/17'. elias and rorke decided to keep them on the team bc they had potential. merrick was very against it at first but was like 'yeah okay'

-those two definitely confused everyone else with their slang just like hesh and logan do now

-they insisted they were best friends but nobody believed them bc they acted so fruitily with each other (it was all jokes they said)

-if we go with the keegan is trans hc i feel like ajax did a 'diy at home' top surgery

-speaking of the walker bros. keegan was their main babysitter, with ajax as second choice if keegan was unable to. elias paid him like 20-30/hour and gave him an extra thirty dollars if he gave keegan the kiddos before he had time to eat

-keegan was amazing at eyeliner (he still is but tries to convince the rest of the team he doesn't do it anymore. they know better than to believe him) and almost always incorporated it into his eye black for missions

-following this up ajax was the master of painting nails and no one was safe from painted nails until he turned twenty two, including logan and hesh as kids. the only one who was sort of safe was rorke bc ajax never had the patience to convince him

-keegan exclusively wore baggy, graphic t-shirts and sweatpants/jeans/shorts outside of missions. occasionally wore tank tops for training. ajax almost never wore baggy clothes, wearing form fitting clothes instead - tank tops, normal t-shirts, sweatpants, jeans, etc. The two always stole each other's clothes

-keegan had (and has) the absolutely strangest eating habits. cannot eat three full meals a day without complaining about being full, but two meals a day + a bunch of snacks before and after each meal is fine. refuses to eat something he had a bad experience with once in like second grade but will gladly eat something that could kill him. Cannot cook to save his life (can you tell im projecting)

-ajax on the other hand has fairly normal eating habits but could not cook at all back then. he's okay at cooking now, but he till refuses to eat anything raw (including sushi and raw vegetables) or anything too cooked (mushy vegetables and such)

-keegan definitely set curfews for everyone anytime they decided to go out. he wouldn't strictly enfore them but he'd be a bit upset if they weren't followed (he's anxious and cares abt his teammates just doesn't know how to show it)

-i feel like both listened/listen to ayesha erotica atleast a lil. obv they have other music they listen to (metal, rock, etc.) but they definitely have atleast five ayesha songs in their playlists

-keegan has no idea what the p in his name is for. his birth certificate says 'keegan p. russ' (or katherine p. russ if we go with the trans hc). he tried to ask his parents/siblings but they dont know either. ajax always joked its for 'pussy' and logan and hesh followed in ajax's footsteps

-you know those baby tees with like 'i <3 pathetic men' or 'i put the hot in psychotic' on them. yeah ajax and keegan have those but as like oversized shirts

-keegan rarely ever cried/cries bc hes always forcing himself not to. so to encourage him to cry when he feels like it the team gives keegan ten/twenty dollars after everytime he cries and they tell him to 'get himself something sweet to make up for the tears'

-on that note keegan used to have the biggest salty cravings but now he has a terrible sweet tooth. ajax used to like savoury but hes a sucker for spicy now

okay enough teen headcanons lets move on to the present

-we all know logan and hesh are gen z so i propose: the walker brothers confusing everyone with gen z slang/humour/behaviour. things like 'slay' or saying 'im gonna kms' at any minor inconvenience. logan saying 'nice girl dinner' whenever keegan makes his weird but lowkey bomb lazy food

-some of the ghosts (mainly keegan, logan and kick) listen to music on missions. they mainly have appropriate songs for the occasion like phonk or metal but sometimes when they're fighting or killing an enemy inappropriate music starts playing and they have to try so hard not to laugh. i mean keegan slicing someones neck with 'make u cum' by ayesha erotica playing in the background

-logan rarely swears but when he does they are the most brutally creative swears ever. i'm talking 'pussyy-eating son of a French whore' sort of shit, and worse. much worse. hesh swears regularly but gently, elias the same but a bit harsher, rorke swore like a sailor but gentler than logan, neptune only swears when other do, kick never swears (you gotta bribe him to do it), merrick only swears when hesh, logan and keegan can't hear, and keegan swears a lot but nobody ever catches him doing it

-sometimes the ghosts mix their masks up to keep the federation on their toes

-also lets pretend that at the end of the game elias didnt die and logan didnt get captured by rorke and ajax didnt die at the beginning bc that made everyone else sad which makes me sad and just no. no angst here (pls humour me sadness is a very uncomfortable feeling)

-they tried to have separate rooms at their base but eventually they all just moved into the same room minus elias bc they just feel safer that way

-riley is the community service dog no arguing. whenever someones having a panic attack riley helping them. nightmare? dont worry he sleeps in the same as everyone else he'll just cuddle you. trouble eating/doing something? he'll do it with you

-also keegan, kick and logan 100% spoil riley. everyone treats him amazing but these three treat him like a king

-also i think it'd be funny if atleast one of the ghosts kept getting riley's gender wrong and calling him 'she' 'good girl' etc. bc thats exactly what i accidentally keep doing

-riley's very smart but the one thing he doesnt get is why nobody will eat his dog food with him. his logic is that he can eat human food so that means they can eat dog food. the only person that has eaten dog food with riley so far is keegan bc he will eat basically anything as long as the texture/taste/memory with said food is fine

-speaking of which occasionally keegan will just crack an egg and eat it raw infront of the others bc he thinks their reactions are funny. nobody else but neptune and hesh find it funny

-one time kick switched out keegans eyeblack with sharpie ink and keegan couldnt get it off for a week and didnt speak to kick for a month, not even on missions. he had ajax talk for him.

-(over comms on a mission)

kick: hey keegan do you need help?

keegan, fighting for his life against about five enemies alone: ajax tell kick i am about to DIE

-i think it'd be really funny if the ghosts started a tiktok account where they pretended to be airsoft/military cosplayers. theyd get unexpectedly popular and people would be like 'yo wheres ur gear from' and theyd panic and respond with smth like 'we stole it from the government' so theyd just be known as THE anarchist airsoft tiktokers (theyd obviously use different names and masks than usual)

-keegan is the most innocent ghost regarding sexual matters. it was banned talking about/learning about in his house and he never bothered to learn later. he knows the basics (how sex/getting pregnant works) but otherwise no

-merrick, neptune and ajax never had siblings growing up so whenever they see logan and hesh fighting they always wait until either keegan or elias intervene to see if its serious (elias is their dad and keegan grew up with four other siblings). why not kick? kick can't be trusted to intervene if they were tearing each others limbs off bc he and his siblings chased each other with weapons for fun

-keegan loves sugar but doesnt like showing it so he just eats chocolate/ice cream/cake at like two in the morning

-also he moves around a lot in his sleep to the point he could go to sleep on his bed and wake up underneath the same bed like two hours later

-rorke and elias were definitely best friends i refuse to believe they werent. also rorke taught the walker bros how to swear

-the ghosts watch cartoons in their free time. anytime they have a free friday they have movie nights - not limited to cartoons but its mainly that. when they watched the barbie movie they wore pink (also yes they're all feminists no theyre not any -phobic/-ist)

-i know they would never meet him but if they ever met ghost (simon riley) theyd make fun of his accent and maybe mask (especially the 'foap' side profile). they wouldnt take it too far tho i feel like they actually kinda like ghost. he wouldnt like them much tho i feel

-they have game nights and they have rules as to who can play what

-keegan cant play any card games bc he automatically wins everytime or he cheats, no inbetween. hes also banned from twister bc hes the most flexible

-neptune and merrick aren't allowed to play jenga (neptune cheats and merrick always gets way too mad about it). oh and neptune cant play would you rather bc he somehow always is the loser

-logan isnt allowed to play poker or go fish bc he cheats. he also cant play truth or dare bc he always picks truth and never dare

-hesh isn't allowed to play chess because he flips the board. also cant play 'sorry' bc he doesnt like killing off the other players

-kick isnt allowed to play any board game bc he somehow always finds a way to cheat

-elias isnt allowed to play would you rather bc he takes too long to decide

-ajax isnt allowed to play jenga, 'sorry' truth or dare bc hes either cheating or leaving halfway

-merrick also cant play twister bc he cant even do a crab for more than a second. neither can elias but he doesnt want to play anyway

-they have two groupchats - a professional, strictly bussiness one and a free time, silly one. sometimes they'll be talking about a target they have to kill in one groupchat and a minute later theyll be sending memes in the other one. they have the professional chat instead of meeting bc nobody likes those. sometimes someone (usually logan, hesh or kick) will be texting in the casual gc while theyre supposed to be talking abt important stuff in the bussiness gc and merrick or elias will go 'pay attention to the meeting boys' even tho there is no meeting

thats it for now lmk if you want more :]]]

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platonicyanderepanic · 9 months

Note

o/ hi

Good to know that you aren't too bored in the hospital Crow.

Could you please write down the rest of the hashira for the traveller!reader x hashira

(Interested in what happens when both Muichiro Tokito and traveller!reader discover about the other having a twin and how traveller!reader interacts with the hashiras siblings)

(Also possibly how others eg Genya, Senjuro, Kanao)

⭐️ anon

Hey ⭐️ anon! Here you gooo

Demon slayer platonic Yandere hashira + others, with traveler reader.

•Muichiro at first didn’t care about you, much like Sanemi. But when he got his memories back, he decided to get to know all the slayers around him, including you. When you began to talk, he started to like you, a lot. You reminded him of his dad and brother at the same time, and he even found out you have a twin! You are totally siblings in his eyes.

•Giyomei is very interested in you. He likes how kind you are, and he has never met a selective mute before (other then kanao, but they don’t interact much) so he likes observing you. He invites you to train with him, and you quickly become a constant in his life.

•Giyuu ignored you, assuming you’d be mean to him (like Shinobu) but when he was sent on a mission with you, he kinda had to talk to you. He was surprised at how kind you were, you may not be able to speak but your smiles and reassuring looks made him change his opinion on you.

•Uzui talked to you from the start, he finds your outfit very flamboyant. He won’t lie and say all the people around you doesn’t make him jealous. He is your friend, why are all these people pretending to like you now? He hates how most of the hashira were wary about you and just now are hanging out with you (Mitsuri is ok in his eyes, she was kind to you from the start as well)

•Genya met you when Sanemi was talking with you, you saw how cruel Sanemi was to him, and got very mad at Sanemi. You followed him around, trying to cheer him up. You know from experience how older siblings should act (I head-cannon them as a few minutes older then their twin) you try to step up for him, showing him care. He would never say it, but if you left him he thinks he’ll die.

•Kanao was introduced to you by Shinobu, she ended up following you around. You two are both very quiet, so she finds comfort with you. You remind her of Kanae, and she refuses to let you meet the same fate as her late sister.

•Senjuro approached you about possibly training him. He was too scared to ask the hashira, his dad, or his brother. They would say no or laugh at him he says, and he knows you are kind. You of course agree, even if he has no talent with the blade, you still help him with patience.

#kny #demon slayer #⭐️ anon #platonic yandere #Yandere hashira #Traveler reader #Genshin impact traveler

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caralara · 2 years

Text

Why I believe Xarry was supposed to be a stunt - and why it didn’t work out

(or: Harry’s Planned “Bisexual Coming Out” has everything to do with Babygate)

First off - this is my personal take on the matter. A lot of it is speculation. I try to give sources as much as I can. But a lot of it is just what makes sense to me. So yeah, I am not claiming this is actually what and how it happened (especially not the parts where I illustrate what I imagine they might have said, thought or felt!), I am just saying that I think this is what happened. This is gonna be long. Very long. Because I go into detail, and I venture into neighbouring territories of this subject. If you don’t have the patience for that, or want it simplified in bite sizes, here’s a Twitter thread I made months ago.

The subject itself is complex, so this post is as well. Get some snacks, some tea and/or wine, and if you’re up for it - lets get started.

Now, you ask - why a stunt though? Why can they not just be friends? We have to look at the bigger picture for this question, and also at how they appeared in the media - compared to female stunts. Please refer to these Hendall and Hamille and Holivia timelines to compare to stunt patterns. It’s pretty self explanatory, but rough oversight and commonalities between them: usually the stunt starts out on social media, following each other, being tagged together, liking posts etc, followed by sighting in a friendship group / dinner. Pap walks. Articles about being close, hanging out. Dates with “Organic Fan Sightings” in super popular spots. Wearing each other’s clothes and jewelry. Social Media engagement with friends and families. Deny deny deny when asked in interviews, dodge questions like there’s no tomorrow. Being spotted at shows by fans. Etc. Mix up at own will. You know the drill. Keep this in mind while walking through the Xarry Timeline with me.

The Friendship between Jeff and Harry

I believe that after Jeff successfully inserted himself into Harry’s close friendship circle, probably on orders from his music mogul of a father, Irving Azoff, he started to prepare everything he needed to in order to secure Harry as a solo artist and management client for the Azoffs, as it had been very clear to the trained eye that Harry held the most promises to be a global superstar after the band would break up - and everyone with an ounce of experience knew they were burning through that life force the five boys held like there was no tomorrow, trying to squeeze out all and any profit as quickly and as hard as they could while it was still possible - as they do with big famous boybands. They don’t believe you will stick around and be popular for long, but for the time being - boy oh boy, will they milk you (and the fans’ wallets).

Irving Azoff

Sounds far fetched? Unfortunately, it isn’t. The music industry is run on money, just like any other entertainment industry, and people with a lot of money usually want more. Irving Azoff is one of the most powerful people in the music industry, with decades of experience and loads of connections to almost anyone important. Here, have a quote: “In 2012, Azoff topped Billboard Magazine's Power 100, being named the most powerful person in the music industry. There were monopolization claims made against his Performance Rights Group” Doesn’t that make you go “huh?” - just to clarify. HE, Irving Azoff, who became chief executive officer of Ticketmaster in 2008, because he already was of Front Line, and has a venture with MSG Company (venue company), who founded two labels and has many more investments in many more companies in the entertainment and hospitality industry, created a performance rights organization which then had those monopolization claims brought against them in 2018, which only had been settled now in 2022. Nothing like being two steps ahead and becoming not only the boss but also the boss of the rights organization that is supposed to protect you from your very boss, isn't there? Clever and terrifying if you ask me.

Harry’s Seeding of his Solo Career

Now, back to Harry. How does someone, who can see how tightly “protected” a young boybander is by the people who all want a piece of him (and the money he makes them), and also by the people who actually fiercely care about him and just went through learning what the music industry is all about themselves, make Harry choose them to be his guide, his manager, his new trusted industry person? You get him where you know personal life and professional life blur. And what better way to gain his trust than to send your son, who was only in his late twenties at the time. A more or less young man with just enough “experience” - definitely more than Harry - to act as an older brother / friend, who can sympathize (“look - I know how it is, I hardly had a choice being in this industry world either! My dad always dragged me along, ugh, so I get it. But now I can show you how to enjoy it too, and all the tipps and tricks that you need to survive in this world!”).

So, here comes Jeff, latest in August of 2013 already, comfortable in this world that is hurting Harry a lot, but that also looks incredibly enticing to him, all the glamor, all the luxury, and offers a guiding hand (and is probably very charming and very tuned into wanting to gain Harry’s deep trust in the long run while doing so!). He’s fun, he shows Harry the world of Hollywood, maybe gives him a reprieve from management constantly breathing down his neck, and offers him an outsider’s perspective - don’t forget how lonely Harry was at this point. Louis and Harry were practically forced onto different continents as often as possible, resulting in Harry having to be separate from the other boys, and heavy stunting took place for both of them, all to combat the ever so persistent Larry rumours that endangered stacks and stacks of money that was supposed to flow from those American wallets into the label’s. It was a really tough time, the beginning of them not being allowed to interact with each other at all publicly anymore and heavy, heavy stunting (Haylor? Elounor?).

And Jeff noticed. Of course he did - he knows how the music industry works, he knows of closeting (how could he not, working in management and with a father like that?), and he noticed what a toll this took on Harry. And there he had it. He discovered what Harry wanted. What Harry yearned for: being himself in public, being allowed to be out and proud. With Louis. So Jeff waited, and observed, and gathered information. And when Harry comes to a breaking point in 2014, Jeff speaks up.

“What if… you could be out?”

At this point, Harry trusts Jeff. He’s met his family, many times, he spends a lot of time with him and his friends, he’s found even more friends through him, like Harry Lambert! And Jeff knows what’s possible in the music industry. AND he’s young, he’s ambitious, he wants to strive for a better, freer world with him (right??).

The Plan

So, Jeff proposes a plan. If they renew their contract after their five records and five tours are done with is up in the air - they definitely want to renegotiate, if not leave them behind. But until then, they have to work with their current management, to keep the label happy. Jeff is gunning for that solo career of Harry’s. So what does Jeff propose? A compromise. Harry gets to come out as bisexual, completeley regardless of his actual sexuality, gets to be a bit more free to be himself in public, and maybe a step closer to coming out with Louis, but until then - the plan needs to make sure that Larry isn’t outed in the process. Because a boyband with one “sexually ambiguous” member can be sold as “sexy, chic, trendy, modern, cool” (not my words, but what I imagine the PR agency would package it as, and yes, I know this is biphobic, and no, I don’t agree with it, and no, it’s not MY view), but have two gay members in a band, and then together, gay for each other?? Apparently that would be the death for the money machine. So that is not possible at that time, in 2014.

But how do you do it? How do you have Harry come out as not hetero, without outing Larry, as they are irrevocably linked, it seems?

Easy, Jeff says. Harry gets publicly linked to a different man, ergo has a male PR stunt, and Louis has to appear Super Straight™ for the entirety of the coming out process. How do you “proof” a man has hetreosexual sex? You have him have a baby. That’s “failsafe” proof that he is Not Gay (as if gay men have not produced children in the past smh but you know how the GP is - everything has to be simple and filable into boxes!). So Louis, who of course watched how absolutely destructive it was for Harry to have to hide away the side of him that is so brilliant, so beautiful, so Harry, and had to instead watch him scratch off his nail polish, hide his affections, become a stoic mask in public just to not give away all the affection he has for Louis, says yes - yes to publicly having a fake baby, or at least publicly “impregnating” someone, so that Harry can breathe a little better. It is worth it. It won’t take too long. There will never actually be a baby. It’ll be worth it. Worth the while, even.

So 1D management, maybe reluctantly, agrees. And Jeff takes over the reins, coincidentally already acting like Harry’s manager at this point. He has a great friend in mind, who Harry would really like, who would be up for the PR stunt, who’s a good friend of Jeff’s, someone who could be trusted with this very delicate matter. So Jeff introduces Xander Ritz to Harry. And Harry gets excited, he can almost taste that little bit more of freedom, and is ready to make this believable.

Xarry - The Stunt

So, who actually is Xander Ritz? Xander used to be a (professional?) Lacrosse player from Pennsylvania and lives in NYC, who is now the cofounder of The Loyalist Company, together with his brother Maxwell. That company is part of the distribution process for Pleasing. His father is/was a popular dentist (maybe the connection to Jeff happened here). He has had a girlfriend of the name Jacquelyn Jablonski for a couple of years now, who has her own sportswear brand which Harry was seen wearing before.

Just like with Nick, Harry seemed to hit it off with the older man right away - seeing that Xander is 11 years older than Harry.

Xander’s and Harry’s first interaction known to us is typical: it’s on social media, and it’s cryptic and not straight up in your face - Emma Greenwell, a friend, posts a photo and tags Xander and Harry both, suggesting they’re both out with her for McDonald’s after the X-Factor performance in November 2014. Shortly after, in December, they started following each other on instagram.

In February 2015, Xander posts about birthdays and a photo of him with Harry in a group - all friendly and inconspicuous. It becomes clear they have been hanging out “privately”.

Then, the first pap walk - in June. The groundwork is done, it’s established Harry and Xander have some sort of friendship/relationship. While Louis goes out “partying”, getting papped every night and just exactly (on the date) a month prior had the infamous “1 Conception” pap photo taken with Briana, who just “accidentally” was in the background of that photo, holding up his end of this big project.

So it’s time for Harry to do his own version: he flies out to NYC for one day in the middle of the EU leg of OTRA tour to go out to dinner with a group of people, including Jeff. And who is “accidentally” captured in the background of these pap shots? Yes, Xander. Ever wonder why they used the only picture in which only Harry, Jeff and Xander were easily identifiable? And why he would jet to the other continent for one day? To then look at houses with Jeff (&Xander)?

Keeping to the time table seemed to be pretty important, the week prior, Tammi Clarke had planted the seed for “Louis was just told he was gonna be a dad” with her chimp instagram photo.

Height of Party-Womaniser!Louis image and the very beginning of BBG had to be used. No matter if tour was happening - if Xander & Jeff were available that day, it had to happen.

Maybe noteworthy? After this first pap walk, Sugar Baby Bear (SBB) makes its first appearance on stage next to Rainbow Bondage Bear (RBB) the next day at OTRA Brussels.

And then we get the heavy stunting week during their break between the EU and US leg of OTRA tour, the week leading up to the pregnancy announcement and Louis’ impending fatherhood on 14th of July.

They started off on 4th of July, Harry being spotted with Xander having lunch at a popular cafe, sitting in full view easily recognisable in the outside seating area. Keep the palm tree shirt in mind for part 2!

The same day he went and got papped at the Bootsy Bellow’s Annual Red, White & Bootsy party, conveniently in full view again leaning on the balcony, all cosied up with Xander. Several gossiping sites got “receipts” of Harry being solely focussed on “his company” during this party and having zero interest in anyone else, even girls approaching him, and articles that were published of this event all only showed him with Xander while simultaneously mentioning his love for girls (without mentioning him by name - yet. Sounds familiar? Yep, that’s how they introduced Briana into the picture as well. Just a bit more on the nose with “mystery blonde” - but that was a het relationship they tried to sell, not a coming out.) (also does that not look a lot like the person from Louis' We Made It music video??)

All throughout the week, we got many more “organic fan spottings” of them at popular food places, pap shots, just the two of them or with Jeff, as well as Xander being spotted at OTRA shows.

The articles that published the pap walk with Xander talked about Harry’s boots (?) to not make the mention of “close pal” too obvious - the larries really do know how to interpret and do detective work, so the team had no doubt that this would start the rumour mill the latest.

While the entire bbg drama unfolded - we got Harry, running with the rainbow pride flag for the very first time, in the midst of super heavy babygate stunting. He’s allowed to be more flamboyant and a little bit more ambiguous in interviews. “Don’t knock it till you try it” and “female? Not that important” all come to mind during this time. This seems pretty clear like a trade off. As long as Louis was seen as Super Straight ™ Harry was free to be a little bit more himself on stage.

Then we had Xander popping up at a show again in Minnesota at the end of July.

A week later, August 4th, Harry gets papped leaving Lottie’s birthday party - and who is the date that “tries to stay out of the photos” but accidentally is fully in it, keeping his distance yet you can easily identify him? Yep, Harry is leaving with Xander. The article we get pushes babygate, while showing Harry and Louis spending time outside of work for the first time in - how many years? And of course the photographer releases more photos, and we get to find Xander in them - management sees our little larrie-detective-hearts as satisfied, feeling like we found something out we weren’t supposed to find, AND it’s gay AND it’s NOT LOUIS. Because Louis is going to be a dad. HETERO. And Harry has an older LOVER. And they all get ALONG, together, partying Lottie’s birthday away. Harry and Louis AND XANDER. TOGETHERBUTPLATONICALLY. Happy now, larries???

The very next day, Harry acknowledges Xander during the concert, referencing Lacrosse while Xander is being spotted and photographed by fans. The fans that analyse every single move eat it up.

Xarry update accounts start appearing. People start speculating. In the meantime, every day if there is no activity from Louis / babygate, there’s activity from Xarry. Seems almost like they are splitting the days to not overcrowd them with stunt content. Then they give the fandom two weeks of quiet to cool down, in which we get the first articles about the Azoffs becoming Harry’s manager in the middle of the month, shortly after followed with The Sun’s breaking article that One Direction will go on Hiatus from March 2016 on.

On 27 August 2015 Harry posts not only a cake on his instagram on Xander’s birthday, but also a blurry photo of a person that looks a lot like Xander.

Harry and Xander are seen all day long spending his birthday together, to strolling the city to going backstage together at OTRA Cleveland to travelling to Chicago to going out together at the SoHo house. “Receipts” tell of Harry sharing a room with Xander, and the next morning, instagram posts let fans deduce they went to the Art Institute with Cal, solidifying the suspicion they spent the night together. They do another stunt week marathon, positioning themselves “backstage” in great view of the fans, flirting and intimate while watching the opening act of OTRA Detroit.

Then, Harry spends a long weekend at Xander’s family’s house in Pennsylvania - how do we know? He goes to food places close to campus, coincidentally very much the target group of his fans, and has loads of pics taken with fans and of him in “private”.

More dinner dates / pap walks / social media interactions / spottings at shows happen all throughout until the last week of September. As soon as Xarry calms down, bbg picks up again - Briana is seen at shows, articles come in again (I am not joking, it is seamless. The very next day after Xarry is active, Briana pops up.)

Right after the bombardment of Xarry and BBG, you guessed it - they allow the fandom to cool down for a week. Exactly a week later, 10 October, Harry reacts to a Xander sign on stage while Louis follows Danielle Campbell on instagram.

From 14th - 24th of October, BBG is heavily, heavily pushed. Louis gets asked about the baby in every interview, and Xarry is - unsurprisingly - quiet. We also have the infamous cancelled OTRA Belfast show, which probably had to do with management watning to push Harry/Louis and the stunts to a level they weren’t comfortable with, maybe something like an actual baby being born?? And being his? Maybe a blanko article that had been “accidentally” published that day - what, three months early? - stating Louis Tomlinson’s healthy baby[boy/girl] had been born could have something to do with them walking out and not performing. We will never know, though.

What happens the day after the BBG push ends? Let’s look at RBB&SBB. For the past 5 days, they had a countdown on their twitter, leading to the 25th October 2015 and a tweet: “Caution - Bears coming out of hibernation” many fans were excited - did that mean they would come out? Maybe this was half the truth. Maybe it was only one of them that was supposed to be coming out soon. It would make a lot of sense why they pushed babygate so so hard the week prior.

So, as soon as BBG ebbs, Xarry picks up again. End of October until the first week of November Harry & Xander follow each other’s friends and families, like their photos, making it look like they were getting serious, meeting friends and family, and Xander is spotted at the last two shows of OTRA tour. The grand finale: Xander allures on instagram to the idea of him being in London with Harry.

And then - nothing.

What happened? We can only speculate. But something that would make a lot of sense to me was this:

Zayn leaving.

Let me explain.

(TW: Suicide)

There are so many theories and rumors floating around why Zayn left, but in retrospect, especially with Liam and Harry recently painting us an image of just how hard and terrifying this time must have been for them, under how much pressure they stood and how badly their mental health suffered under it, we get a better idea how this could have affected Zayn, too. Liam said he would be dead by now if the band hadn’t gone on hiatus, that he was an alcoholic by the end, and suicidal. And I don’t think Zayn fared much better. He shared he had an eating disorder, and we know those can kill. Just like the others, he probably abused alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism, and looking at how he conducts himself today in the public eye, it is in my opinion a fair assessment that he is still recovering from deep trauma.

He apparently fainted after the San Siro WWA show, and because of the likes of Rebecca Ferguson and Katie Waissel we do know how severely Modest overworks their artists, from giving them adrenaline shots to using all sorts of psychological manipulation to get them to perform.

In my opinion, for Zayn it was a matter of survival. Caged like that, when you’re this sensitive, and forced to do something you don’t fully support - that kills. And the sheer exhaustion is detrimental to your psychological health. So when someone like Naughty Boy suddenly lures you with tales of freedom and making music exactly the way he liked, fuck the label, the way he did in November 2014, you suddenly can’t take it anymore. You got a taste of freedom, and if you don’t get it, you will die. (regardless of this being fact, it can certainly feel like that. And then - is there much of a difference?).

So Zayn gets worse. And Louis tries his hardest to make it better for him. All the boys do. They love each other, they’ve got each other’s backs, they all try to make things happen so that they can try and breathe a little easier. Remember, November 2014 is also back when they start seeding the Xarry stunt. It’s the time they wiped Briana’s social media presence clean, meaning they had already chosen her to be the "mum-to-be". The plans are set in motion for Harry’s bi coming out. And they all know they can’t handle more scandals than babygate and Harry coming out as bi, the brand One Direction can’t, or so the label might say. So they try to make it easier for Zayn, for his sake and for their sake. Just hold on a little longer, only finish this tour and then one more album and one last tour and we’re free. Maybe it became a mantra? We can do it. Only maybe another 1.5 years. You can do it. We can do it. We can get through this.

And Zayn seems to cling to it, he perks up under the shower of affection from the boys. Until - more pressure from the outside. The public lashes out, the “cheating scandal” between him and Lauren and Perrie (another PR stunt?) goes wild. Now he can’t anymore. They agree on him being allowed to go on a stress leave after he left a show early in March - they give him a week.

During this week, it seems, he gets the clarity he needs. He decides to leave One Direction. The day he is expected back, he quits.

And now, remember - BBG and Xarry preparations are already in full swing. But what are Zayn’s choices?

And can you blame Harry and Louis for being hurt about this? Can you blame Zayn for needing to leave? Can you blame Zayn for being hurt as well, and feeling guilty for walking away? Doesn’t it make so much sense if this situation truly was like that - Zayn’s happiness and survival for Harry’s and vice versa? (because if you think Harry wasn’t also on the brink of being suicidal, go back and rewatch the Adore You music video. Listen to the songs he wrote. To the ones Louis wrote “Could have been a bed in a box” is pretty dark (and yes, I have heard him sing these lyrics live with my very own ears) - and Don’t Let It Break Your Heart sounds a lot better than Please Don’t Kill Yourself). It’s not that they had a fight per se, it’s not that they didn’t love each other dearly, it’s not that they didn’t understand - they did, too well. It’s that outside forces made them choose - my life or yours. And that shit hurt. Both Harry and Louis. They both got scared that their plan wouldn’t be able to go through. That they themselves wouldn't make it. And they were partly right.

And it also kinda makes Louis’ statement make sense. He can’t speak to Zayn yet, something needs to change first, get resolved. Maybe he has to finish this chapter first, the one that was one of the reasons there was so much pain? End the babygate stunt, and then they can reconnect? Would make sense for him to be publicly liking Zayn’s You & I post recently, as it looks like babygate is probably ending in a little over a month from now.

And why else would Liam and Niall be pretty neutral on this, while you could see just how bitter Harry and Louis were about this?

Back to Xarry. So, Zayn left at the end of March 2015. They still went ahead with all the babygate and Xarry stunting, hoping they would make it to the coming out, planned for probably the end of that year (remember the RBB&SBB countdown).

The first rumors and articles about One Direction going on hiatus start circling at the beginning of June, when Briana is already confirmed to be “pregnant”, and then in late August, the hiatus is confirmed. I doubt that this was the plan ever since before Zayn left, but happened as a result of it. Zayn left, buying himself out of the contract and enduring a year long ban on releasing his own music (it might have been originally two years, maybe negotiations happened), point being - he showed you could actually break and bend the rules. At a price, but you can.

So, the decision was made, maybe with a push by the Azoff’s through Harry, to be brave, bend the rules themselves and go on hiatus (this is what they had been waiting and working for, after all).

It would make sense why they were so upset (even more so than you would be) about Modest pushing through the bbg stunt to an actual baby (what for?? we’re going on hiatus anyway next year!) in October with their Belfast gig cancelled.

Maybe the decision was made in November that yes, Harry would take on Jeff as his manager (my god how convenient! He’s already half acting as his manager, has the connections, has the experience, and most importantly, is Harry’s friend first and foremost - he’s looking out for Harry! He wants what is best for Harry, hasn’t he just helped to try and get Harry to come out as bi??) and contracts were signed. How convenient. Fullstop was set up first quarter of 2016. Truly convenient.

Because shortly after, on 15 November 2015, at the tail end of the (failed?) Xarry stunt, Xander goes and confounds The Loyalist with his brother Maxwell as well as some others, the description reading “End-to-end platform that allows brands, influencers and content creators to launch a fully-functioning merchandise business in just 15min. The Loyalist hosts, produces, ships and insures every product; Store Owners simply promote and collect proceeds.” which is awfully convenient for someone who has lots of connections to people who have merchandise to sell to their fans (ahem, Harry?)

In the following weeks, Louis goes ‘official’ with Danielle Campbell, and we don’t hear much about Xander at all anymore. He pops up every now and again over the years, but in mostly a “I have a girlfriend and I am supporting my famous friend Harry Styles” way. In 2016, “private” photos of Harry hanging out with Xander’s family and vice versa are “leaked”, and there was a fandom scandal of some fans apparantly trying to catfish Xander into admitting that Harry was gay, some dick pics might have been sent, all of it backfired, leading to Xander deleting his twitter account at the beginning of 2016, but more about these probably in part 2.

Hendall

So, instead, Hendall gets revived. What happened? Maybe now that Jeff was officially Harry’s manager, he properly advised about his solo career, with the help of his experienced father Irving, maybe at one of the family visits Harry did during November and December of 2015. And that maybe, maybe it would be the wisest to freeze the bi-coming out for a while until he’s an established solo artist - you never know how these things go! And Harry, don’t you want to become so so big and influential and well known that even when you have a coming out, no one will make you vanish? That people will still be interested? So that you can be a role model and a help and inspiration to so so many more people than just the measly few, you would have left if things go sideways now at the beginning of your solo career? You know, Jeff is only looking out for you, You know that. He’s your friend. Has been for years. And Xander being caught up in a fake (?) het dick pic scandal isn’t helping.

And maybe Harry reluctantly agrees. One Direction is over for now, pretty much, hardly three months left, and then he will be much freer than he was under modest, right. Right?

The stunts flow into each other seamlessly. From a Hendall burst beginning of 2015 to a year full of Xander back to yachting over new year’s with Kendall again. Kendall seems to be pulled out at any convenience, nothing serious, but the more sexy. It helps creating the image of a sexually ambiguous Harry who has many lovers of many genders (so that everybody, especially all of his fans have a chance with him iykwim). And Harry gets along with Kendall - maybe it’s the same just different, Kendall dealing with her closet. Does anybody want any CaKe?

Harry goes solo. And what are the first two songs Harry writes/releases?

Kiwi, that screams of rage and babygate, and Sign of the Times - they told me that the end is near. Which is awfully sorrowful, talking about how it's always the same, and that they always tell you soon.

And here you have it.

This is my take on Xarry, and to me, it makes a LOT of sense.

Now, I do believe they are gearing up for another bisexual coming out for Harry (maybe Harry insisting now that we’ve seen him distnace himself a lot more from Jeff since the pandemic hit), and I am curious to see how it will unfold, especially hand in hand with babygate probably ending pretty soon.

I might make another post going into more details about another coming out attempt soon, so stay tuned for a part 2!

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sunboki · 1 year

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a shower thought drabble..

The car Minho had rented for your summer day trip together was probably the worst as worst can get. Parts of the car literally blew off each time the exhaust roared—more like sobbed. If anything, It’d be generous to call the hardly running vehicle a car.

“This is it, huh?” Your boyfriend placed his hands on his hips pretentiously, cocking a bemused brow at the beast lying in the deserted lot. Already off to a good start, aren’t we?

From your position it was hard not to laugh or cry, dreading how cozy your trip to Jeju was going to be in this behemoth. With Minho driving, it would be an adventure for sure. He cast a glance your way, daring you to say something smart. Perhaps the dealership wasn’t lying when they said they’d rent him their last option.

“Well, let’s get going, shall we?” He opened the passenger seat for you, wincing at the loud, rustic creaking sound the door made in the process. You nervously laughed, sending Minho a look that read: “What the hell were you thinking?!” But the jerk simply grinned like nothing was the matter. If anything, you were worried this thing would explode before you got out of the parking lot.

Tipping his head out the window from the drivers side, he addressed the employee with the most sincere smile he could manage. And despite the situation at hand, a glimpse of his chiseled jawline would never go unappreciated by you.

“It’s a perfect fit, we’ll take it.” Minho snatched the keys happily, twisting them into a somewhat broken keyhole that erupted the engine in a screeching—then soft putter. Surely the start of an experience to remember.

Not even five minutes into the ride and you were already miserable. He had to be as well, heck, the air conditioning wasn’t even working to cool the melting South Korean summer heat. You waited for his gleeful response to your venomous glare boring into the side of his head, to no avail.

Thus far you hadn’t said anything, only huffing and puffing your irritation. Patience wearing thin, the 80’s music blaring from a crackling radio and the suffocating temperature did little to chill your temper.

Finally, you erupted.

“This SUCKS. What is your probably Min?! You’re out of your mind right now. I’m sure I’m gonna die of heatstroke before we even get there.” Complaints came bubbling out. Flailing around childishly. However Minho seemed all the more delighted. It grated your nerves like nothing else.

“I’m impressed, what a reaction.” One hand strays from the wheel to pat your thigh, peering over in your direction to lean closer, “If you’re really all that miserable, there’s a ice cream place not too far from here, sweetheart.” The petname added a cunning edge to his words, but the offer sounded otherwise amazing.

Cool, delicious ice cream, I’m coming for you.

Upon arrival, the afternoon sun continuously shone merciless. But as the day darkened and a rolling breeze welcomed you, it was tolerable.

By the time you both ordered the sky was already dappled night blue hues, glittering stars painting the scape generously. Your feet propped on the dashboard, you hungrily dug into the cold treat with satisfaction.

“You’re such a brat, cheering up because of ice cream. So easy to please.” He whined, yet you didn’t find the need to snap back, mesmerized by the breathtaking canvas overhead.

“I like it more because I get to be with you like this. Day trips are fun with you.” You catch Minho off guard, his features visibly widening before a honeyed smile tugged at the corners of his plump lips.

“The view’s nice.” Focus never straying from the constellations as you speak, you nod forward.

“Yeah.” He breathed, dark orbs trained on your face with something akin to overflowing affection. He’s never been so in love before. Ironic, considering he’s trapped in this hell-scape car eating ice cream under the stars. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Romantic, isn’t it?

#skz fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids #skz angst #stray kids angst #lee know x you #lee know fluff #lee know x y/n #lee know x reader #lee know angst #lee minho #skz lee minho #skz leeknow #skz lee know #lee minho angst #lee minho fluff #lee minho x y/n #lee minho x you #lee minho x reader

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chemistryread · 1 year

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she is both hellfire and holy water

- part VI

jake seresin

callsign: scorcher

part V

part IV

disclaimers/tags: female!reader!aviator. loverboy jake is vengeful. slowburn and angst.

word count: 5.2k

a/n: sorry again for the late update! i've been in a low mood and it reflects a bit on this chapter and the next, which i'm planning on posting very soon in a .5 type of chapter to make up for how long it took me to post again. anyway, as always please lmk your thoughts :)

tagging: @thedroneranger @shanimallina87 @peakascum @cherrycola27 @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake @untoldshortsofthefandoms @thecraziestcrayon @lovingperfectionsblog @cornishkat @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @murdermornings @loveforaugust @scoopsr0bin @secretsicanthideanymore @sarcasm-n-insomnia

In the morning, Maverick wakes everyone up even earlier than they had hoped was necessary, for a surprise flight session.

"Where's Lieutenant Seresin?"

"Late, sir. He didn't come back to base last night."

Your eyes fall to the ground at Coyote's sentence.

You had a feeling, when he wasn't in the room being annoyingly good at waking up early. Another mark on the long list of things he excels at. But Rooster had distracted you long enough not to delve into it.

Turns out the idiot slept in his car. Roof down, parked under the bright morning light. His sunburn likening him to a lobster, he looked positively ridiculous.

"He'll pay for that when he gets here. Scorcher." Pete looks sorrowful. Penny must have told him about the kiss. You probably look like you're going to vomit. "You're my backseater today."

This is the best and fastest cure for your moral hangover. Up in the air, with Maverick.

It's more than honorable to sit behind Captain Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell, it's fullfilling. Every time you do, it feels like your life has purpose again.

After your WSO didn't survive an ejection, a lot of things went through your mind. One of which was never piloting another jet. Maverick took the spot in the back of your plane numerous times after the accident just so you could feel comfortable, believe in your own skills again.

It warranted a lot of patience from both of you, but he was right, it is what you're born to do. Actually, you don't know what else you're good at. So you'll forever be grateful for him taking time with a random student still in her academy days to make sure you at least tried to reach your potential.

Being his backseater is no chore, he's the most obvious natural talent you've ever met, which grants you the extraordinary experience of being able to watch your friend Pete do what he loves most without barely having to turn your neck.

The session goes smoothly, except for Phoenix and Bob underperforming. Off the comms, you tell Mav not to worry about it, you'll talk to Trace.

To your displeasure, you're not quite done yet.

"Good morning, everybody. Your entertainment is here, you can all wake up."

"Is that- Oh God."

"Not God, Payback. Just me. You should look up, though, I'm right above you. Wave back."

Your body slumps back on the seat, a helpless reaction to hearing his voice when you were hoping to avoid him for a few more hours, at least.

"Hangman, do not engage!"

That's weird. Your hands squeeze the straps, sitting up to look at the Captain, absorbing the exasperated language of his body.

"Excuse me, sir? I've got a lock!"

In trying to escape his jet, Payback found himself exactly where Jake wanted him.

"That's not the point. You're not a little late, training is nearly over! You get no flying time today, that's an ord-"

"Maverick, I'm here now! If I don't get these hours in-"

"That's it, no air time for two days." The comms are quiet, and you push the small mic away, putting a hand on your pilot's shoulder. Mav. "I repeat, Lieutenant Seresin, you're out."

"Captain, sir. It's eleven-hundred, there's at least-"

"I'm aware, Scorcher." You wince at his lack of composure, retreating when he addresses everyone again. "Everybody else, push harder. I'm not seeing enough out of you today."

The next fifty minutes are grueling, Maverick incessantly chasing every pilot out of their comfort zone. You're happy to sit behind him, speaking only when he asks you to.

No one complains, but you know they're simply holding back in front of their instructor. Sweaty and tense when they return to the ground.

You walk in front of Pete, catching Nat's 'thanks, Bagman' as she goes past the blonde. Jake is obediently waiting for Maverick's scolding, helmet in front of his body, head held high.

He only falters when you send him a sympathetic smile.

Even if he hides it well, you're aware that your old friend is someone Seresin has learned to admire, consequently looking for his approval.

When Rooster was picked for the uranium mission, you were equally proud and apprehensive for your friend. But your smile had dropped once your eyes landed on Hangman. It was a split-second slip up, his shoulders deflating before immediately raising again with a deep inhale, and you caught it.

You were watching him when you should've been looking at your actual friends, who had just been assigned to a major mission. Fascinated by his failure to hide the disappointment in his eyes, regardless of the rest of his body posing as unphased. Wondering how often he has to piece himself together with that same quickness.

Walking with a stupid grin on your face, the memory of the conversation you had hits you like a truck.

"Hey."

Basket of laundry supported by your hips, greeting soft on your lips before they return to the more common and less friendly thin line.

He stood in front of the washing machine in use, absentmindedly eating Oreos, correcting his posture when you come in and it pulls a discreet chuckle from you. Squinting at his furrowed brows and tense facial expressions.

Quietly dropping your clothes into the empty machine, the only sound in the room is that of the cycle starting.

"You know, Phoenix and Bob's chemistry is a huge strike of luck, silly not to take advantage of it. I think any of us could've done a good job as Mav's wingman, but it feels like Rooster's time."

Placating words, hoping they'll smother your anxieties over not being picked as much as his.

"With all due respect, Scorcher, I don't need a pep talk."

You snort.

"Oh, I'm aware, neither do I. Pep talks tend to be super gross and condescending. But I don't think sulking is very helpful, is it?" He raises an eyebrow and motions with the packet to you. You take one, shrugging. "All I'm saying is…it's not our mission. There'll be others."

"Cute way to think, a little too positive though. I can't wait for the next mission every time. And if it never comes?"

"Impossible." You turn and jump up to sit on top of the washing machine. "We're both way too good."

"We?"

Licking the chocolate off your teeth, you take a deep breath, humming as if you're considering it.

"I can admit you're top three."

"Three? Sweetheart, please-"

A groan escapes your lips, exaggeratedly loud and he jumps, but there's a surprised smile on his lips.

"Immediately, I'm taking it back." His brows furrow, still amused, and you nod your head. "Yeah, I was just trying to make you feel better anyway, you're definitely struggling to catch up to Roo and Trace. And I haven't even mentioned myself yet."

He's playing with the stack of cookies in his hand, eventually shoving another one in his mouth, and you take the opportunity to watch him. Slow and close.

"I do like your flying."

"You like it?"

"I respect it."

"Oh, wow. Consider me honored."

Somehow, you found yourselves looking directly into each other's eyes. Yours widen just a little, impatient.

"It's fast but quiet. Sneaks up on you, leaves an impact behind. Impressive. So why didn't Mitchell pick you?"

There it is. The reason he even started to compliment you.

"Maverick doesn't play favorites. If he picked Bradley, it's because he belives his abilities are the ones he needs."

He scoffs. "That's naive of you. C'mon, you've aced all the tests up to now, shouldn't this mission be yours?"

"Thank you, Seresin, for your unmitigated support. I know, apparently as much as you do, that I could've done this mission. But it's not me. There's still a job to do down here, to make sure all of them make it back, that's what I'm thinking about. And that's what you should be thinking about as well." Back on the ground, you turn to him from the doorway. "Let it go. Whining makes you look amateur."

Nose twisting up, remembering how mean you've been to him before. Not undeserved.

"Scorcher," Pete calling for you snaps you back into reality. He's a few steps behind, Jake in between you. "Nice job today."

Your eyes squint at the sun, shy under the praise and in front of Hangman.

"Didn't really do anything, but it was my pleasure."

"Yeah, you did." Blinking at him, he only nods. "I'm down for a repeat, anytime."

"Me too, sir."

Smiling, you refrain from asking Mav to go easy on the aviator watching your interaction, instead averting your eyes to the ground and walking away.

When you woke up this morning, things were much clearer in your mind. Jake's not the problem, you are. There's no reason to be upset with him.

Truth is, as much as it made you cry, you can also acknowledge it was a mess of your own creation. You told him it was a mistake. Sure, you didn't expect him to go straight into another woman's arms, but it would happen eventually. You're just…speedrunning the process.

Until you actually say something, he can do whatever he wants.

But would you dare? And what would be the plan? Explain that, yes, you very much like him but simultaneously you do not want to do anything about it because you're scared he won't tolerate you for long?

Your sober thoughts also led to the conclusion that you're way past the point of worrying whether or not he reciprocates your feelings. That kiss was heavy with meaning, and you got along fine. It's not too much of a leap to assume he could see an angle where he has some fun. Your worries now lie in the unraveling of yourself.

What follows is a brutal shedding of layers you have comfortably hidden under for as long as you can remember, taking your balled fists out of your pocket in the cold and opening them to ask. With no guarantee that you will be invited to a warm home.

He'll be able to see all of the vices that make you squirm and scratch at your skin because of how much you wish you could rid yourself of them. Then he's gonna ask, why don't you change? And you'll resent him for suggesting the obvious, and yourself for not already being better.

Jake is the rare kind that might sincerely make you want to do the work. Adapt. But are you worth sticking through it for? Change is difficult, and you're resistant.

The way it is - alone - works for you. It's not sad and it's not painful. If you did change, it would be for him. And when he saw what a hard time you have taking care of yourself, putting effort, how comfortable it is for you to stick to what you already know, well…He'll want to leave. And you'll see it coming, and you'll lay the ground for it, making sure he does just that.

A guttural experience. Maybe you could spare both of you from it.

It's late afternoon when you finally catch Natasha alone, fixing herself some yogurt in the kitchen.

"That was some dogshit flying you did today."

Near black eyes bore into you with the harsh intensity to shut anyone else down, but you only scoot closer against the counter, reminding her you don't scare easy.

"What do you want?"

"We can talk about your embarrassing performance or the reason why you're off."

"Rooster."

You can't help but cackle when the name slips out of her gritted teeth like a vexed old lady. She's ready to stomp on your foot like a child.

"Sorry, it's just, you said it like Josh from Drake and Josh, when he used to say Megan, have you ever- Ok. Nevermind. Please talk to me."

"Scorcher, I really don't feel like-"

"I already know you two hooked up last night. You just have to tell me what happened after."

Natasha drops everything and pulls you away from the door.

"How do you know that?"

"A secret for a secret?" She nods, and you look around the room, extending your neck to make sure no one is in the hallway either. "Hangman and I saw the two of you but I didn't want to interrupt, so I just shoved him in the bathroom."

A weird sound, something in between laughter and disgust, rumbles from her throat.

"Rooster was right? You were together in there!"

"And you were sucking face in Penny's hallway with her boyfriend's favorite child, so cut down the judgement, Ice Queen."

She ignores you.

"How did you get to that? What were you doing before? Jesus, did something happen between you two?"

"I asked first."

Groaning, Phoenix reaches back for her yogurt, sticking a spoonful inside of her mouth before conceding.

"Okay, so after you saw us, we sneaked out to his car. We were, uhm, in the middle of it, when his phone kept buzzing. I asked who it was and he lied. Said it was Mickey asking where he was."

"Who was it?"

"Some girl. She ended up calling him. We just stared at each other, and eventually, I pushed him off. I don't know why. Cut to us screaming at each other for ten minutes while I waited for my Uber."

"He shouldn't have lied." No shit, she says. "But you two are idiots. I mean, he didn't pick up the phone or call her back. Came straight back to base. No, he only dates those girls because he's too scared to ask you out, and even more afraid of being alone. And you're too scared to ask him if he really likes them more than you, since he always seems to pick them - even though clearly he doesn't. And it's all stupid, because if you did ask that he would tell you that no, he doesn't and you could be together. Boom, happy ending."

Her arms cross in front of her body, eyebrows raising at your audacity.

"Fine, smart-ass. You sound like you've got it all figured out. Why don't you tell me what happened with you? What's your secret?"

"Hangman kissed me."

"What the f-" You shush her and she punches the table, channeling her shock into it and almost knocking spoons and cups to the floor. This would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. "You didn't…"

"No, of course not. It was just a kiss."

"And?"

Your eyes fall on the counter, zoning out as you force yourself not to crumble at the memory.

"It was…really good. Then, Rooster knocked on the door and I found my perfect excuse to run."

"Right. But he made the move?"

"You know I wouldn't."

If it were necessary, you'd keep these feelings for Seresin forever quiet. If he doesn't know, he can't reject you. Trace knows this, which is why she only nods.

"Wait, where was he this morning? Oh, Scorch."

You still haven't blinked, and it stings. So focused on it, your voice becomes quieter.

"Yeah, the guys had a bet and- It's not important."

"They're assholes." You consider defending at least Rooster, for the sake of whatever they have, but there's no energy in you for it. Nat's hands find yours. "How are you holding up?"

A shrug.

"Just kinda wish it never happened. Don't have to finish something that never started, you know? But, uhm, ultimately I don't see it going any other way."

It always ends, you don't get what you want. Because how dare you ask for anything, how dare you want?

"Scorcher, he kissed you."

"Tasha, Hangman kisses a lot of people. We had been drinking, in a place that feels cozier than The Hard Deck. Who knows, maybe he saw Penny and Mav being so close and he felt lonely. It doesn't mean anything."

"Look, I trust him less than you do, obviously. But Jake is not one to act without thinking. He's methodical, even when he's being a dick. I don't see him as the type of guy to start something and not finish it."

That's a great point. But he is not the problem.

"It can only end in disaster."

"For the record, I think you can do better." If only she knew Seresin thinks the same about her and Rooster. "But you don't know that. Maybe it'll be fine. Or it'll be a disaster and I'll be personally very pleased to see you break his heart."

You scoff.

"Think it'd be the other way around."

"Then I'll have a perfect excuse to kick his ass." You stare at each other without anything to say, and she rolls her eyes, reluctantly supportive. "Jesus, Scorcher, you like him. That ship has sailed, it's pretty obvious. Why not give it a shot?"

"Tasha, I'm a mess. I'm so scared to ruin things that I end up making sure it'll end badly. And it's okay when it's a stranger that I can avoid for the rest of my life, but he is more complicated than a stranger. I don't- I don't want him to know that I'm a catastrophe, and I don't want to bring him down with me. I think we both can do better than that."

She puts down the yogurt and crosses her arms, and you feel uncomfortable with the air of seriousness this conversation has taken.

"I wanna kick you in the crotch right now, I swear. He's a big boy, he can handle it." You start to protest but she cuts you off. "No, Scorch, you'll forgive me for saying this later but you're acting like a coward under the guise of righteousness. Fine, you're a mess. You think Seresin isn't? We're all a little fucked up in here, you just haven't noticed because you're busy putting yourself down. My point is, you seem to respect Seresin but you have no plans of telling him how you feel and letting him decide for himself what he wants to do? It doesn't add up."

You'd be shutting this down if she wasn't so accurately on point. You're overlooking Jake's ability to have a say in the matter, mostly because you know he would have choice words for you and you're too scared to find out which direction they'll take.

Sighing, you look back at her with a defeated expression, leaning your elbows on the counter and your head on your hands.

"I can't just gamble with this, Nat, I don't know how to recover when I'm hurt. I've never- I've never done any healing in my life, I just keep going. But I'm afraid these feelings are too much, and I'll never be the same after. I don't know how many times I can still pick myself up."

Her voice is as serene as the ocean in the earliest hours of the morning.

"Here, you don't tell me much but I know relationships aren't your strongest suit. You never know if you're going to be okay after them. But what a waste to have felt something and not have done anything about it, don't you think? We're human, Scorcher, we are not immune to hurt but we heal. It's what we do. You'll be fine."

Oh, she's good. You smile weakly.

"Why can't we follow our own advice, though?"

"That's also something people do. Be stupidly stubborn."

When the laughing dies down, she speaks again.

"One more thing."

"Hm?"

She leans in with a hand on your shoulder, whispering in your ear.

"You're not alone."

When she punches you in the side, a little too hard, your eyes raise to find Jake entering the kitchen.

"Phoenix."

He nods as she bumps him, saying only "Irresponsible asshole."

Confused eyes look back at you and you can't help but snort, hiding your face even further into your palms.

"Can't catch a break today."

You almost feel sorry for him. What a softened mush he has made of your heart.

"How bad was the talking?"

"Believe it or not, Maverick is not great at expressing himself. Something you two have in common, I believe?"

Feeling the twist of your lips, you squint at him. "Hey, what did I do?"

"Darlin', you're extremely confusing."

"About something specific or just in general?"

"In general."

"Mhm, or your brain has no more space for comprehension skills after you filled it up with thoughts of yourself only?"

"All I heard was skill." He flashes a smile to you, running a hand across your back as he steps behind you to get to the fridge. You watch his arms as he picks up a water bottle. "Anyway, won't be doing any flying tomorrow."

"I hope it was worth it."

It wasn't meant to be said out loud. You can see thin lines in his forehead making a curve into the brigde of his nose, and he looks almost embarrassed.

Recovering, you throw him a faint but well-meaning smile.

Your eyes follow the movement of his Adam's apple as he drinks. You hate his tanned skin, the great way a standard Navy shirt falls over his broad shoulders, his gorgeous neck hugged by the dog tags and a golden chain.

Breaking out of the dangerous slippery slope of desiring Hangman, you tap the counter and start to walk away.

"Wait, where are you going?"

If you didn't know any better, you would say he sounds needy.

"Cyclone's not here today. Maybe I can change Maverick's mind about your hours before the big guy is informed."

Halfway to the door when his voice stops you.

"Geez, that kiss must have been out of this world if you're goin' to bargain to our superiors for me."

With your head thrown back, your laugh bounces off the walls. Turning, you expect him to be standing there in all his glory, smug and smirking. And he is, but he changes his footing once your eyes meet his, an instance of insecurity before his chin is high in the air again.

"It was." Non-chalant, twisting your nose in reluctant concession. "But I think I did most of the work."

Weird when you don't hear the expected chuckle, meeting his green orbs again. An awkward second before you smile and move to the door again.

"Scorch-" Music to your ears. "Are we good?"

He looks unsure, and you tilt your head dramatically.

"Of course."

With a hand around the doorframe, you give him one last smile.

You find Pete in the library, looking over photos of his own Top Gun class.

"Hey, Captain. Mind if I-"

He shuts the book quickly, foot pushing a chair by his side away from the table and asking you to sit.

"Hangman, I assume?"

Still in a mood. You sigh, making a point to scrape the chair against the floor as you sit, inching closer to him.

"I'm not gonna try too hard to defend him, but he was late, Mav. Happened to all of us at some point, and no one had a punishment this bad. What was that about?"

It's not usual for him to let personal things interfere in his judgement.

"I wasn't actually going to scrap his air time tomorrow. I already reported his lateness to Warlock, nothing else. But I saw your face in the reflection of the cockpit when he showed up this morning. He needed a little public ear pulling, that's all."

You smile at him.

"Penny told you?"

"Yes. And I know I shouldn't get involved, it's your life, but sweetheart…You're only gonna get hurt this way."

"Seeing it through could be so much worse."

"Could be. Or-"

"Maverick, what happens when it all burns down in flames?"

His hands are wringing together on top of the table, licking his lips, in deep thought.

"Remember what you told me, years ago? We were flying together, and I asked you what it felt like. You said it was a ceaseless twisting in your stomach. I had to show you that it wasn't fear of another accident. No, it was restraint. You were holding back from being a pilot because you thought you didn't deserve to be one anymore. Deep down, you knew it wasn't true, and that feeling was your body saying you were wrong. Take the plunge. You know you want to. You know it's right. Sweetheart, no matter how persistently you've been made to believe otherwise due to circumstance or bad luck, you do deserve good things. Your instinct is one of the best the Dagger Squad has to offer. If it's dependable enough to make you a decorated Lieutenant, why shouldn't you listen to it now?"

Pete's words coddle your heart in a way you haven't felt in many years. To be seen and thoroughly understood by someone you admire, and are lucky enough to call a friend, is something you never thought would happen to you. Too damn sheltered to let others appreciate anything about you.

Biting your lip to distract you from the tears pooling in your eyes, you ask him quietly, "Can I give you a hug?"

He laughs, looking around the empty library before opening his arms.

His hold is strong, and he smells like rain on hot asphalt and worn leather, comforting.

The twisting deep inside that Maverick had magically guessed you were feeling returns, and you lean back.

"I already told him the kiss was a mistake."

"Take it back, tell him the truth. Life's too short."

Both of you glance at the decaying photo album on top of the table.

"If I do, you'll go easy on him tomorrow?"

"No promises."

On your way back to your dorm, you spot Javy in the rec room, reading a book.

"Hey, Coyote, is Jake in his room?"

"Pretty sure, yes."

"Right, thank you."

Your heart is racing, worried it might come out of your mouth and drop to the floor this far away from the medical bay.

Knocking on the door, you hope it's the right one, and that no one else comes out of their rooms for a few minutes.

Jake opens it fully dressed in fancy clothes, hair done a little differently. Less gel, more hangy. Funny. It suits him too well.

"Scorch?"

And you're back.

"Hey, sorry to bother, ran into Javy and he said you were here."

He leans on the frame, sweet perfume no cheaper than- More than you could know.

"It's our room, so."

"'Course." You know you're staring, but your mouth is too dry for you to speak yet. The pressure from clear green eyes might just force you. "Uh, right, I talked to Mav. You're flying tomorrow, like usual. Well, maybe not like usual, he might ride you a little harder but it won't last. You know it never does."

"Thanks, you didn't have to."

"I didn't do anything. All he reported was your late arrival, he was never going to jeopardize your flying time." He hums, letting his gaze finally turn away, watching his hand shake the doorknob absentmindedly. It's a huge relief, more oxygen flowing to your brain now. "Might need to avoid being late again, though."

He tsks, pearly white teeth shining in the dimly lit hallway.

"That'll be hard. This girl is a partier, she keeps me up late."

The twist in your stomach turns the opposite direction, sinking.

"Oh. From last night? You're going out again?"

Idiot. That's why he looks and smells this good. It's for her.

"No such thing as too much fun, right?"

"I wouldn't know."

You snort at your own melancholy. He's about to enjoy a night out and you sound like the biggest downer in the Navy. Smooth.

"Maybe she has a friend. We could go on a double date and show you a good time."

A smile, teasing and borderline mean. Well, to you. In his mind, it's probably the nicest thing he could do.

Tell him not to go. That's all you have to do. Take it back, tell him the truth.

"Jake-"

His Apple Watch pings, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness. Must be her.

"Hm?"

He moves around the room to grab his wallet and a jacket. It feels like you have no air in your lungs.

"C-Can we talk about the kiss?"

Your eyes are screwed shut, the defeaning silence almost too much to handle.

"Now?"

Risking a look, you find him frozen in the center of the room, head turned but hands still holding the closet door halfway open. It's been a while since you felt this stupid around a man.

Your mouth opens and you stutter. "You're right. Terrible timing."

"The worst." It's barely humorous, both of you chuckling awkwardly but when your eyes meet it's uncomfortable. "You said we were good."

"No, we are-" Fingertips come up to pinch the bridge of your nose, and you shake your head. "We are. I just thought we should- You know what? We don't have to do this now, go on your date first."

You want to scream.

"Are you sure?"

No. I want to ask you to stay but those words have never not bitten me back, so I can't do it, I'm sorry.

Lip trapped in between your teeth, you nod. "Yeah. She's probably already waiting for you, right? See, there you go. It's not that big of a deal, really."

He thinks for a second, before another ping comes from the watch and he seems to wake up, quickly moving around the room again.

With a light teasing tone, but still awkward, he makes the offer again. "I can still ask her if she has a friend."

Nausea strikes and you roll your eyes, the only defense you have left.

"Hard pass."

"Your loss."

"Different perspectives. Do yourself a favor and don't be late tomorrow, alright?" You're turning back the way you came, before popping your head inside the room again. "And take the Apple Watch off, you look stupid."

You leave an annoyed Hangman alone with fast and determined steps. God, you wish you didn't take self-preservation so seriously.

If they're seeing each other again, the next day, he must've liked something about her. So, what, you're just gonna hand him over? Steps halting, you consider turning back until you realize you're already in the rec room.

Javy still reading his book, Tasha and Bob eating grapes on the couch, all eyes on your distressed self.

Throwing yourself in between the duo, you delight in the seedless, sweet fruit. Probably too much, because the man to your left is staring.

"I'm sorry, Floyd, are you jealous of the grapes? Did I breach your monogamous relationship with them? No? So quit looking."

Phoenix stifles a giggle, very poorly, and leans closer.

"Wanna talk ab-"

"Nope."

"Alright."

One minute later, Jake runs through the room, grabbing a Redbull from the fridge.

"How's the hair?"

"She saw it worse than that in the morning - speaking from experience - so it's fine."

Trace lifts her head from your shoulder, glancing up at Hangman and Coyote, then you.

"See you when I see you!"

"Don't be late!"

Javy yells but he's already out the door.

The warm hands around your bicep curl tighter, and you lean your head on top of hers.

Maybe some things need to change. If you can't take it back to the way it was, and you can't deal with the silly little suffering from watching Jake run off to a date, you might have to do something about it.

#jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #tgm x reader #tgm fanfic

141 notes · View notes

pontevoix · 3 months

Text

hc + fighting for shoko from here | @chaoslulled

i. as a child, fighting is verbal. it is disorganized. it is wasted energy. her grandfather likes to sit at the right side corner of the couch. shoko is pretty certain that he’s worn a dent into the cushion ( a faded olive green ) - the couch is a staple part of his morning & evening routine. in the morning, he reads the news. in the evening, he reads what looks to be the same history book. shoko is never sure if he makes any progress reading the book, but she indulges him anyway. they weren’t close, but they weren’t strangers. shoko spends evenings sitting on the floor by his feet — she pulls out her homework or a magazine. her parents sometimes fight in the kitchen, & they sometime fight in their bedroom. mostly, they just sound tired. shoko borders on something disrespectful when she claps her grandfather on the knee & speaks something informal — ‘ night, gramps. i’m off. ‘

& then she spends the rest of the night sitting in her windowsill. the fights that she hears are inconsequential. she doesn’t think much about learning to say hurtful things. she can say rude things. but she never learns to prioritize cruel things in her speech.

ii. she’s nine. there’s a kid in her class that tugs on the lazy ponytail she has tied her hair into. the teacher is talking, & she has debatable patience. she scoots her desk back fast & hard & because she knows it will jam the toes of the student behind her. he retracts his fingers.

by now, she can see curses. mostly, they mind their own business. but sometimes they react poorly to being seen. shoko starts having a greater appreciation for her own space, for private space. she doesn’t fight for it, but she doesn’t mind lining her boundaries with barbed wire.

iii. shoko is not the first in her family with an innate technique. it had skipped a generation, but now it’s back. her grandfather has a habit of telling her about his late wife’s habits, the good that she used to do. shoko pretends to listen.

no one is startled by what she can do. they are excited by what she can do.

sometimes she’s excited too. sometimes she’s exhausted by the fact that none of them seem to get it. reverse cursed energy is simple for her. it feels like point a to point b.

& when she practices reverse cursed energy, then she sees a lot of life energy all at once. she feels the interconnection of life systems. when her family talks about her power, they talk about what she accomplishes. they never ask about what she sees.

they don’t talk about how her energy sometimes attracts the cursed, how she screams the first time time a cursed spirit thinks she is magnetic.

to this day, she’s so damn embarrassed about the way that she screamed.

over all, no one tells her about the things that her grandmother did to survive.

iv. then she goes to school for sorcerers. & her classmates are special. one is self-righteous, & the other is painfully close to thinking himself a god. shoko flicks both of them in the middle of their foreheads, & they get along just fine. they attend classes, & shoko tries to nap. they train together; gojo & geto have more combat experience than shoko does.

she’s a quick learner, but gojo is —- what ? classically trained ? & geto is whatever or whatever or whatever.

she’s a quick learner, & she only learns faster once she develops her own style.

for the record, she doesn’t really win sparring sessions. however, she refuses to make herself an easy target. ultimately, geto & gojo inspire shoko’s fighting style. they allow her to use weapons when they train together.

iv. she bears little utility as a long distance fighter. when she is in combat, it is necessary that she use hand-to-hand combat.

furthermore, she was not trained in martial arts as a child, & no one thought that combat would be her primary strength so — she was not drilled to be a master of any martial arts discipline.

still, shoko is a quick learner.

when she fights with hand to hand, she practices elements of the shorinji kempo which champions self-defense training, mental training, and health. a demonstration can be found here. it utilizes rapid attacks, efficiency, flow, & adaptability.

she also incorporates elements of aikido, which considers a framework of life energy. it prioritizes breathing, turning, & the use of momentum. a demonstration can be found here.

over all, when she fights, the range of her style depends on the size of the curse.

ultimately, she likes to work smart rather than hard. so sometimes she cheats or fights dirty (the sparring matches she wins against her peers usually are won because of her dirty plays).

which is a bit of a shame, really, because one of her strengths as a fighter is how slow she is to tire. she can heal herself, you know.

she can keep going.

v. she is frustrated by traditional weapons & by cursed weapons. she can use them, but she’s picky.

she prefers daggers & smaller blades — she likes them to put her own cursed energy into them.

she likes to work smarter rather than harder.

she prefers normal weapons —- tasers, frankly. firearms, maybe. tasers again.

they don’t always grant a killing blow, but she appreciates that they allows her to work efficiently.

the older she gets, the more experience she has studying curses & their physicality. there are few in her social circle that ask the same questions she does, that look for different types of answers.

sometimes she’s curious — if cursed matter, cursed toxins can be pulled from cursed bodies. she wonders if it could be used like a poison against curses.

it’s something she’s still figuring out.

vi. the fighting she learns is mostly for her own protection & for her time as a student. it becomes clear very quickly that she is better considered an asset than she is a field agent.

so she loses the chance to become much stronger as a fighter. on a scale of 1-10, she averages around 6.5. she might hit a 7 on a good day.

it’s better to keep the asset in a secure location. on several missions, she lingers nearby to act as needed. sometimes, she has protection

she decides that it’s obnoxious when geto is assigned to her as a bodyguard. it’s more obnoxious when gojo is assigned to her as a bodyguard.

she decides that it’s a waste of energy to care too much about being guarded.

vii. work smarter not harder.

fighting was verbal. & then it was also life/death. & then it’s also someone else’s decision, something that can be disused.

a girl dies. gojo decides to use reversed cursed technique in a way that she has before, that she thinks he uses too recklessly. yu haibara dies before she can touch his life energy — this is something she understands. she cannot save those that she cannot touch.

geto suguru defects, & his reasoning is sound. gojo loses bits & pieces of himself, & he’s wondering at his strength & what it means to be the strongest.

fighting becomes a space something that she can exist in.

she becomes a doctor.

although her alliances with the school are clear, she stretches into a grey area where she doesn’t hold judgements on jujutsu’s fugitives, on whomever & whatever. it’s smart to hear all sides, all angles. that makes for efficient work.

for the right price, maybe she’ll heal an enemy’s ally. she hasn’t decided.

fighting is the time that they live in.

she’ll figure out the rest in due time.

viii. sometimes fighting is getting out of bed in the morning.

there’s that, too. but that’s private.

shoko starts having a greater appreciation for her own space, for private space. she doesn’t fight for it, but she doesn’t mind lining her boundaries with barbed wire.

#i feel a lil manic about this one bc the amount of time i spent o nwikipedia sdfgsdfg #100. c. shoko #5. headcanon #foOd for thought #chaoslulled

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