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messedupfan · 3 years

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Infinity & Beyond (Wanda Maximoff x Reader) Chapter 4

Summary: This chapter focuses on the journey of the reader during the five years without Wanda.

A/N: Thank you for the likes and reblogs! Hope that you are all enjoying the story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

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You wake up a few months later in the Avengers compound once again. This time with your memories intact and feeling unbelievably disappointed. “She found him,” you find yourself saying to whoever was in the room as you involuntarily sit up on the bed. The nurse brushes it off as some weird superhero thing and not something to address. But then you repeat yourself again and again until she alerts Bruce who grabs the attention of the other remaining Avengers.

"What do you think she means?" Natasha questions as you make the statement again.

"Maybe she's talking about Wanda and Vision?" Steve chimes in with a concerned look on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Why would she be talking about Wanda and Vision? Vision was an advanced robot with a stone in his head, he had no soul for Wanda to find. If any of that exists," Bruce points out.

"I don't know then," Steve shrugs. Then you repeat the phrase again. "Maybe it's Wanda and her brother? I don't know, maybe we're too focused on the cloudy eyes thing. We could be thinking about this too hard."

Then Rhodey comes into the room to inform the members that the radar has picked up a signal of an unidentified flying object. He thinks that Carol might be back. "Just say UFO," Natasha rolls her eyes as she follows the guys out of the building. On their way out she spots a worried Pepper Pots and quirks her lips into a reassuring smile. "I think she found him," she says to the woman and leads her to the landing zone of the compound. It's only then that Natasha realizes what you meant. Sure enough, a woman is carrying a ship into the landing zone with Tony Stark and someone named Nebula. Pepper wraps her arms around Tony in tears and relief. He is quickly brought to the medical wing where you remain. Somehow having watched the whole thing from your bed.

When you come out of it the nurse informs you that your eyes had gone cloudy for a moment and you had predicted the return of your father. "He isn't my father," you grouched. Huh, must be another ability, you think to yourself.

Later, after passing a few diagnostic exams with flying colors, you are discharged from your hospital room and are eating across from a very serious Thor as people argue and yell at each other. It was weird to eat actual food. Thor was almost amused watching you figure out how to hold your sandwich.

Tony is then rolled into the room with a furious energy. You can tell that he is really hurting from this loss, that he is frustrated and you can even feel betrayal radiating off of him somehow. Of course, it's not until he's shouting at the Captain that you realize you are feeling his emotions. You were feeling everyone's defeated emotions and it was beginning to suffocate you. As you try to distract yourself with the food, your mind wanders to how overwhelmed Wanda must've felt being able to read people's minds. That leads to the memory of Wanda slipping from you and it's almost too much to handle. You toss the plate in front of you, disrupting the ongoing argument. You’re squeezing your skull as the tears come and you scream for it all to stop. Natasha and Steve fall to your side as they do their best to calm you down. Once the memory leaves you and you've settled, everyone in the room gets serious about finding Thanos.

Nebula is useful as she provides the only lead to finding Thanos and you join them on the spaceship, brushing off everyone's concerns. The talking racoon asks how many of you haven’t been to space before, you raise your hand among the others which seems to be enough to make him laugh. You don't understand why until the ship rushes off to space.

Arriving just outside the planet, a floating woman you hadn't been introduced to yet appears at the front window and is surprised to report that the planet is just Thanos. Along with everyone else, you are heart broken to find out that he had destroyed the stones. You feel for Thor when he says he went for the head and shed another tear for the woman that Thanos had taken from you. It feels like you just lost her all over again.

The first year is the longest. The days feel never ending and drag on. Most nights were spent jolting out of bed in a cold sweat as you're being haunted by memories. It often felt like you were back in the hands of Hydra being electrocuted and injected, spoken to in a language you didn't know, probably German. Everything that was done to you in the time you were captured, everything that your mind had originally suppressed, was attacking you each night. Going through it alone made you miss Wanda even more. So once you could remind yourself that you were safe, you had also been reminded that you were alone. Lots of tears were shed in the night.

After Tony built up enough strength to leave the compound he did but he never stayed gone long. He would return often to attempt to build a relationship with you. It wasn’t easy trying to let him in, the lack of sleep being no help, so you didn’t. Your resistance never stopped him from making the effort to get to know you. Now that he knew you existed, he wanted to be part of your life. Tony knew that you needed family and he was all you had left, even if you didn't want to accept it. He promised to never abandon you ever again.

That didn’t mean he stopped living his life. Within a few months of his recovery, Tony invited you to his surprisingly low-key wedding which you begrudgingly attended with Natasha and Steve. They had been helping you out a lot with coping and figuring out whether or not you wanted Tony in your life. Steve often joked about fighting him again to get him to back off, but you never took the offer. You did your best to enjoy yourself at the wedding but it only reminded you of what you couldn’t have.

You smiled your way through the night as you thought about Wanda.

Her smile, the dress she would’ve worn, her laugh, that look in her eyes that is so full of love and only reserved for you. Your mind went even further back to a time when Pietro was alive and how they would’ve danced together and how happy he would have been for the two of you. You even imagine the wide grin he would have walking Wanda down the aisle and the single tear he would shed. Once he found that ring of yours he was constantly harassing you about when and how you were going to ask his twin. Even giving unwanted advice and ideas. It was all so consuming. That night you fell asleep crying in Natasha’s arms.

Months later, while Tony was visiting you he included you in on a secret. Pepper was pregnant. You didn’t exactly give the most joyous reaction but you were happy for him and Pepper. “When she’s born, promise me you won’t come back here,” you find yourself saying.

“Well I don’t know if she’s a girl yet but… why don’t you want me to come around here?” Tony asks as he returns the ultrasound image to his pocket.

“I want the three of you to be happy. I don’t want you to worry about me. Besides, I’m thinking of asking Nat to start assigning me to missions. I probably won’t be around as much and I really just need to get my mind off of the things I lost and the things I can’t have.” You keep your eyes on the promise ring Wanda had given you on your first anniversary. “But I want you and Pepper to be happy. Enjoy your life Tony. You don’t need to make things right with me to do that.” Tony disagrees but hugs you as he says his goodbyes and you find Natasha for your first assignment.

You are there for the birth of Morgan Stark. You forge her a special necklace from your powers and smile at the little bundle of joy. “Congrats you guys, she is so precious,” you say as you hold the baby.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Pepper says with hooded eyes and a tired smile. You hand the baby back to Tony and leave before thoughts of Wanda could invade and cloud your head. She always wanted a family. She used to fantasize about the kinds of parents the two of you would be. The types of kids you guys would raise. Baby names… Being away allowed you to forget her. But moments like these threatened to tear you down.

More years pass and Natasha is forced to ground you from missions because you have become too mentally unstable and a major liability. Steve drags you to his group therapy sessions but you hardly pay attention or contribute. You just miss Wanda and you allow yourself to feel that pain because running from it has only made it grow. For the most part you spent your time sitting in meetings with Steve or Nat. You preferred being in Natasha’s meetings since they were about mission updates and strategy and not about people crying over first dates. Shortly after that particular meeting Steve began to hint that maybe you should give it a try, you shut him down and turned it around on him. He quickly dropped the subject.

Among that daily schedule you would end your nights curled up on your bed in the room Wanda stayed in while she was waiting for you to come back to her. You would hold some clothes that still smelled like her to your nose as you listened to sad songs. For a while you’re stuck listening to Little Talks wondering if her spirit was lying by your side trying to reach out to you. Some of the things you felt were too painful to keep around and you had them stored at a special place far enough from here. One of them being the old computer. Well, they had been stored away for you but sometimes you convinced yourself that you made the call on your own. Not that Natasha arranged a team to steal most of your belongings.

Tony was generous enough to copy every video and photo file from the computer and put them into your phone. They helped you go to sleep at night.

Then one day, a man you swore had to have been on the vanished list that Nat viewed often, appears at the gate. “Is this old?” Steve asks.

“This is live,” Natasha says. They let him in and the three of you stand around as he explains how he can help. You, Nat, and Steve are skeptical but not so much that you guys don’t have hope it won’t work. Immediately you guys are on the road to find Tony Stark.

Over the years you tried to visit between missions, when you could. Not for Tony but for Morgan. You couldn’t help but fall for the little girl, she was your sister and you wanted to be the best big sister you could be for her. You also wanted to make sure she knew how many people cared for her and that she would always be safe and protected. Natasha was also captivated by her and would sometimes join you on the visits. You girls would play once she was able to run around and you even showed her some of your powers. During this time you finally allowed Tony in and even established a healthy relationship with him and Pepper because whether or not you wanted to accept it, they were your family.

When you arrive at the cabin, Morgan jumps out of Tony’s arms and runs into yours. “Y/N/N!” She shouts happily. You greet her with just as much energy and take her into the house to let them do the talking.

Pepper prepares some drinks and has you take them out to everyone. You re-enter the kitchen to help her with lunch. “Why aren’t you out there with the rest of them?” Pepper asks conversationally.

“Because my powers are connected to my emotions and if your husband says no… I might accidentally blow him into bits and pieces,” you sigh.

Despite herself, Pepper laughs a little. “You know,” she starts. “If you called him dad, he won’t have any other choice than to say yes.”

You shake your head, not this again. “Not going to happen.” Tony hasn’t directly asked you to say it but Pepper has and she keeps bringing up how much it would mean to him to hear you say it. “Besides with what we’re trying to do there’s a chance that he might lose all of this. I’m not even sure if I want him to say yes.” Your gaze lands on Morgan playing with her toys. Pepper follows your gaze and smiles softly.

“Hey Morgan, sweetie?” Pepper calls attention to her daughter who curiously looks up at her mother. “You should go out there and rescue daddy,” Pepper says. The little girl's face lights up as she stands to run to the front door. “Knowing Tony, he will find a way to protect everything he loves and save the world. Even if it kills him,” there is something in the way she says those words that causes the two of you to share a look. A hopeful let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.

She then gives you a hug and tells you to stop by more often, she wishes you luck, and you leave the warmth of the home to the frowns of your rejected friends. You don’t look at Tony when you bid him goodbye.

Next you find yourself in Bruce’s diner and watch as Scott Lang fails to be recognized as Ant-Man by some kids. Bruce is willing to give the time travel a try and on the day the test run is done, you begin to lose hope again. You eat your taco near a window as you observe Scott set up in the landing zone. You laugh when Nebula and Rocket arrive blowing away his food. You almost can’t believe that is the guy who had access to the closest thing they had to a time machine. Steve walks in smiling at your laugh, you don’t do that often, with Tony barking orders behind him. People get to work on the machine and that pesky flicker of hope is restored.

As you work on things Tony is by your side teaching you about every part you are using and putting together. You just let him rattle on and on as you let yourself fantasize about holding Wanda in your arms again. Before you know it they are doing the first test run with Clint Barton. He disappears and instantly reappears with a baseball glove and a stunned expression. “It works,” he says and that feeling of hope causes your heart to pound in your chest. You are going to see her again. Now to find out when to travel to.

“See you in a minute,” Nat says with contained excitement. She is just as excited to complete this mission as you are. After a lot of thinking and planning they separated into three teams of people. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Scott leave to 2012 to retrieve the tesseract, scepter, and the time stone. Nat, Clint, Nebula, and Rhodey vanish to 2014 to grab the power stone and the soul stone. The last team is just Thor and Rocket to grab the reality stone that is apparently inside of Thor’s former girlfriend. Tony, Steve, and Nat wouldn’t let you go on the mission because they still think you’re a liability. You argue that Thor isn’t exactly the picture of mental stability but they point out that Thor is the only one on their team that knows Asgard and where that stone is.

So you sit and pout in a chair for the quick minute that everyone is gone. Part of what has you so pissed off is that you didn’t get to experience time traveling. All because of a few bad missions. You watch them disappear and stare at the platform but time seems to drag on and you look down at your phone with a sigh. In that second everyone has returned with their stones and your heart drops. You notice one person missing and frown. “Where’s Nat?” You ask. Clint wears a broken expression and takes a breath before explaining how he received the stone. “Oh,” is all you can come up with.

Clint felt that it should’ve been him and you didn’t disagree but you understood why Natasha sacrificed herself. She confided in you a few times about how she felt like a monster because of what she was forced to do when she was being raised in the Red Room. She even talked about the mandatory hysterectomy and hated that she could never carry kids of her own. You did your best to try and cheer her up by telling her that adoption was always an option. “No agency is going to allow a former assassin to adopt a kid. Trust me… I tried.” She then boasted about Clint and his family, she loved them as if they were her own family. “I’ll deny it if you tell anyone but I cried like a baby the first time his daughter called me aunty Nat,” she got teary eyed and you passed her another shot of vodka.

Natasha missed them so much and you knew she would sacrifice herself to get them back. She wouldn’t have been able to live with herself if his family came back and she had to inform them that he died to save her. She probably would have felt like a bigger monster than she already thought she was. You stood up and left the room to collect yourself and get as far away from everyone’s grief as possible. Natasha had easily become your best friend these past few years. In the past year that you’ve been stuck at the compound there were days when it felt like all you had was each other. You can’t believe she’s gone but you have to hope that there is still a way to bring her back.

Banner finds you later and makes you some food and Rocket sits with you and the rest of the guys sit by the dock to talk. You force the comfort food down despite feeling too sad to eat and notice Nebula walking back into the time machine area. They call you into another room where they’re going to put the stones together but you ignore them and follow Nebula. They let you go, assuming that you’re still upset about losing Natasha. The first time you went on an actual mission with Nebula, you were put off with how serious she was so you came up with random nicknames to call her. She was annoyed initially but eventually she mentioned how funny she thought it was. Her tone had remained emotionless as she told you that and you had to refrain from laughing because it felt rude to do so as she was opening up. Nebula was still a very serious person to be around but she loosened up a bit around you, even called you her friend.

“Hey Neb-Neb!” You called out after her but she ignored you. “Bu-Bu! Hello?” You followed her to the control panel, “Nella, what’s going on with yo–” she cuts you off by wrapping her hand around your throat and speaking to you through gritted teeth. There was definitely something off about Nebula but you couldn’t quite figure it out. So you fought back because you weren’t fighting your friend, you were fighting a stranger. The two of you go hand in hand until she slips out of your hold and goes back to the control panel. You move to stop her but are too late. Next thing you know, you are waking up in rubble.

With a groan you sit up and dust yourself off then quickly panic, you don’t even know if they had time to do the reverse snap. You crawl your way out of the rubble and find Steve, Tony, and Thor speaking in hushed tones. “Did you guys do the snap? What happened?” You ask frantically, you need to know that you’ll be seeing Wanda again. Losing her a third time was simply not an option. Then you see a very alive Thanos just sitting there. That’s when it connects in your head. It was a different Nebula and she was getting a past version of Thanos into this present. “Please tell me you guys did the snap,” you look at Tony and he nods. But the look on everyone's faces told you that they didn’t know if it worked.

You join them as they attack Thanos but he is powerful and not easy to bring down. You’re tossed into another pile of rubble and shake your head, annoyed with yourself because you felt useless. Your powers were failing you and you couldn’t fathom as to why. Out of nowhere you see portals open up one by one, the people that had vanished and the people that hadn’t stepped through each portal. Then an enormous Ant-Man emerges from the ground and drops off a few more people that must’ve been trapped from the destruction of the compound. You gather with the rest of them and really focus to activate your powers as Steve grabs Mjolnir and shouts, “Avengers… Assemble!” Despite the unsuccessful attempt, you still charge along with the rest of them to fight against Thanos’ army.

Without seeing her, you could just sense that Wanda is among the rest and as much as you want a reunion, saving the world takes precedence at the moment. You could practically hear her telling you to go be a hero anyway. As you fight against Thanos’ army, using the hand to hand combat skills Natasha and Steve taught you, a part of you is still distracted and searches for Wanda. Regardless of where you want your focus at the moment. You make your way around the battlefield hoping to knock into her or something so that you don't get yourself killed trying to find her. Then you hear her.

“You took everything from me,” her tone is heavy and her eyes are glowing. You come to the conclusion that she must not know whether or not you are alive. So you don’t let her know and wait to find out what she does.

“I don’t even know who you are,” Thanos responds, angered by the woman's threatening glare.

“You will,” she says before she starts attacking him with her powers. Discreetly killing off a large gathering of Outriders hurtling towards you, you watch Wanda as she comes very close to killing Thanos herself. He calls for the ships to rain fire on everyone and that’s when you finally make yourself present to her. You jump from your spot and land right beside her and create a force field to protect the both of you. Other members are being protected by the sorcerers and it isn’t until Captain Marvel comes flying through that the bullets stop coming down and people are trying to get the gauntlet out of there. You turn towards Wanda and feel her mixed emotions, you wink at her with a smile as you let the barrier go.

“It’s time to be a hero right now, love. We can say hello later,” you tell her before you go back into the fight, the adrenaline rushing through you as your powers have finally activated. Each member does their best to keep the gauntlet out of Thanos’ reach but sadly no one succeeds and he holds the extreme amount of power once again. Carol fights him with as much power as she has to keep him from snapping his fingers but eventually gets tossed aside. You step up next using everything that you have inside of you, using abilities you had no idea you even possessed. But in the end you are tossed onto a metal rod that had been protruding out from the destroyed building. It had stabbed you through your side making it difficult to breathe. As you fight for air you look around to watch Thanos and his army disappear. Tony collapses beside you. “No,” you cough out weakly. You reach out for him and luckily he was close enough for you to touch his shoulder. “Tony,” you gasp as the tears sting your eyes. His eyes follow the sound but you can tell that he’s not actually looking at you.

“Mr. Stark, we won. Mr. Stark,” Peter says as he tries to grab Tony’s attention. Rhodey lands beside his best friend with understanding and sadness in his eyes. Yours tighten shut for a moment as your tears start to fall. You want to wake up from this horrible nightmare but this is reality, a piece of you knew that you couldn’t avoid. Then Pepper arrives and pulls the boy in the spider suit away from her husband. You look up and see that he has finally returned somewhat enough to recognize his wife.

She tells him that he can rest now, then she looks over to you so that you know that now is the time to say something so you don’t regret it later. With a weak grip on his shoulder you nudge him to return his attention to you. It looks like he’s trying to smile at you but is obviously far too weak to do as such. You offer him the best one that you could muster in your current state. “I love you, dad. It’s okay, we’ll be okay,” your hand lands in his and he gives it the lightest squeeze before it falls limp.

Wanda makes her way over to you and panics at the amount of blood you’ve lost but at the moment you don’t feel anything. Not even the pain of losing your father. You just feel… numb. It dawns on you that your body must be failing but that doesn’t scare you. She takes your hand as your loud thoughts of just letting go enter her mind. “No,” she starts through frustrated teeth. “You can’t leave, Y/N. Please, keep fighting. This can’t be our ending. I need you, please don’t leave me,” she sounds so broken but equally determined to keep you alive. As you hold her gaze she lets out a broken sob and tenderly whispers, “I love you to infinity.” She continues to beg, depositing small kisses to the back of your hand. As her words sink in, you find the strength that you need to fight off the thoughts of letting go. Then, with your heightened vision, you look around and find every remaining Avenger kneeling out of respect for your father and you have the urge to join them. You struggle to get up from your position, Pepper and Wanda try to stop you from moving but all rational thought has left you.

“I’m not dying right here,” you grumble as you reach behind you and cut the rod. You shift your position and Pepper sprays your wound to close it around the remaining bits of the rod that was still in you so that the bleeding would stop until you could get it properly treated. Then you kneel for your father to show your respect for him in his death that you failed to show while he was alive. You think about how grateful you were for the last five years and how much you appreciated that he never gave up on you. You silently thank him just as the adrenaline leaves your body and it succumbs to the full extent of your injuries causing you to collapse and pass out.

Chapter 5

#wanda maximoff imagine #wanda marvel #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x you #the scarlet witch #wanda mcu #wanda x y/n #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #fanfic fanfiction #fanfic #mcu #marvel

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praphit · 4 years

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Another Year, Another Recap - “Have a Coke and a smile... :)”

So, we're getting to the end, people. We're about to finish off another year. Personally, this year has been immensely better than the last.

I didn't even want to stay up and do any celebrating at the end of 2018. I just wanted to go to bed and be done with that bleepin year. This year has been a hell of a lot better. I hope that all of you can say something similar, but if not, there's always going to bed early, and putting your hope in the next year.

This past Christmas (and all Christmas', really) I spent time doing a lot of hating on Christmas music; it's a valued tradition of mine. I am, however, always surprised to find a few songs each year that don't bother me all that much. This year, one of them was John Legend's "Baby, It's cold outside" ft Kelly Clarkson

- a rewritten, sans rapey vibe rendition to boot its 1940's something predecessor.

In this version (at least how I interpret it), both people wanted some action that night. John says all of the right stuff ("I'll call you a car", "maybe you SHOULD go"), creating a safe environment, and most importantly, not coming off as sleazy and rapey. He's also protecting himself with this recording:) But, let's be clear... he wants some, and he wants it bad! While Kelly, also wants some, but doesn't want to come off as being a hoe. Nobody wants to be labeled a hoe. So, she says all of the right things as well ("My dad and brother are waiting for me", "I've gotta visit my sick grandma", "Gotta get home to the KIDS") But, at the end of the night, they both make a decision to sing to one another "Baby, It's cold outside, so let's stay in and BLEEP." That's how you do it! No guilt! No #METOO! No wife and kids around. All is well:) Divorces are still rising, and more older people (as well as old as bleep people) are on dating apps than ever before. Consider this song a Christmas gift from John & Kelly to you.

Sexiest man alive in 2019 btw

Congrats. Classic coming-up-out-of-the-water sexy.

There has been some good music in 2019. Good stuff happening. Also some sad and weird stuff happening in music - all things balance out, I suppose.

GOOD:

Lizzo

I am here for all things Lizzo.

SAD & WEIRD:

Maroon 5's Super Bowl performance. It wasn't even really M5's fault; they simply did what they always do. It was more a poor choice by the NFL. A boring and awkward performance. There was a time when all anybody wanted was a shirtless Adam Levine- both women AND men. Even times when he wasn't performing, he would show up places, some random person would announce to everyone "Don't worry, Adam WILL be taking off his shirt tonight." Talk about ME TOO. It was so bad that the old, white, slaveowners of the NFL hired Jay-Z (one of the blackest icons we have) to come and save them. We'll see how that turns out.

GOOD & WEIRD:

Tyler, The Creator - "IGOR"

One of my fav projects of the year. Tyler, the Creator is an odd dude - I mean this as a compliment. I love how Hip-Hop has evolved. There's a lot more room nowadays to be yourself, no matter how outsiders might deem your behavior as weird (sometimes, others NOT saying this as a compliment). I love his creativity, and hope he continues to inspire other artists (especially in hip-hop) to be creative. Heeeee also says stuff like this "I like girls, but I have sex with their brothers." But, also uses the word "gay" as an insult. Who knows?? There's a lot to unpack there.

SAD:

In other news, Camila Cabello might be a racist. Y'all can look it up if you'd like, but some posts of hers resurfaced. I'm a fan of hers, and checked out the posts for myself, thinking "People are prob just overreacting" - they're not, it's bad. She has apologized, saying the whole "I'm older and wiser now" thing. The prob with that is she's only 22.

GOOD & BAD, I GUESS:

ADELE

It's always good to see Adele out and about. These holiday pics show that's she's still alive (I get concerned, cuz she tends to disappear for a while) and apparently a lot thinner. This of course stirs men to say men type things, women to go on the attack, and all genuine compliments towards her to get lost. The good news is, Adele seems to be getting pretty chummy with Santa, and everyone knows that St. Nick is a heartbreaker. Adele should be spurned and back in the studio writing amazing tunes soon enough.

WEIRD:

Kanye

These pics say it all.

... that being said, I love his new music (which is how I stamp all of my conversations about Ye).

GOOD:

Billie Eilish!

Now (like many), one of my fav artists.

BAD:

She just turned 18, so of course, us men being ourselves again say things like "She's 18 now. You know what that means." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Nothing says crossing-over into womanhood quite like being objectified.

Speaking of 2019 pervs - R.KELLY!

We can throw MJ and... what the hell, I'll just throw Spacey in there as well (his documentary is coming soon enough, I'm sure).

We were all enthralled by these two docuseries. It's interesting how different races respond to MJ. Both see him as... you know, but most black people are still listening to his music. White people on the other hand are ready to riot every time someone plays one of his songs... except around Halloween - gotta have "Thriller".

We love depressing television.

There was "Chernobyl" as well as "When they see us"

Movies too -

"Joker"

I love this movie, but it's about a homicidal clown, struggling with mental illness.

"Us"

I love this movie, but it's about classism and marginalization.

"Endgame"

It's largely about grief.

It's the best movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned!

It should win all awards!

ALL OF THEM!

Best Horror

Best Comedy

Best Romance

Remember when he sent the message to his wife? Cute, right?

Personally, I think he and Nebula were banging in each other.

... I think that story is going to come out some day. C’mon... they were up in space, alone... they both thought they were going to die. She was like “OMG, I’ve always wanted to bang Robert Downey Jr.

He was like “I don’t blame you.”

But, afterwards, he was like

- you know? He felt all bad, because he’d never get to do that again (that was the last of his energy). Annnnd also because he cheated. Which led to that cute recording for his wife. SEE, it’s all connected!

Best actor in Josh Brolin (Thanos) - the range of emotions (satisfaction, terror, humility, revenge, arrogance, beatin ass, defeat) Leo and Brad Pitt ain't have to do all of that!

Best Actress... hmm.. idk about this one. Many say J.Lo deserves an Oscar for her performance in "Hustlers" - a movie made for strippers, by strippers.

Exotic dancers are making a comeback! Maybe one day, stripping will be going in the same direction marijuana is - just something people do. No more shame! You can actually make a decent living at it - ain't that right, Stormy?

And who can forget this J.Lo quote "This city, this whole country, is a strip club. You've got people tossing the money. and people doing the dance."

There have also been plenty of things in 2019 that I have not understood:

1) Hatin on Greta

Greta - trying hard to do what she believes will make this world a better place for us all.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's crazy!"

2) Hatin on Megan Rapinoe

MP - leading a soccer team to a World Cup victory, being outspoken for women's rights and gay rights, having awesome purple hair, and trying to be the best leader and athlete she can be.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's Crazy! Equal pay my ass!"

3) Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

- the gov't test for a new crack epidemic. Sadly, I never got to partake.

4) Allison Mack

- This whole story began being unveiled in 2018, but continued through this year. I still don’t understand how this story has not gotten more attention. Some of y’all don’t even know what I’m talking about.... google it, and be horrified.

5) BTS (and K-pop in general)

-I love them, but... our country's K-Pop fetish has gotten kinda out of hand. All kinds of artists are trying to share the spotlight with them. Next, we're going to see them team up with Kendrick Lamar.

6) TikTok - I just don't get it. What’s the difference?

7) Cancel Culture

To me all cancel culture is silenced by Trump being our president. Where was all of this righteous indignation when we voted him into office? You might say "I didn't vote for him." Yeah, but, WE did - Idk what that says about us, but it's prob not good.

It doesn't even really work - Louis CK is currently selling out venues for an unapologetic tour. I'm not even saying that it SHOULD work (in SOME cases). I'm simply saying that it doesn't work (in most cases). But, perhaps the fear of it working is enough. Or perhaps we should think through how we spend our anger.

BUT, enough of that! It's time to pass out this year's PRAPHIE AWARD!

Here are the noms:

Jordan Peele

Pedro the turtle

(no need for context, just know he’s awesome)

Baby Yoda

(btw - studies show that if you have access to "The Mandalorian" and you AREN'T watching it, you're an asshole. This is not ME talking, this is science)

Megan Rapinoe (who I’ve already mentioned)

Flying Elbow Guy (Again, this requires no context. It’s Flying Elbow Guy! There is a baseball player who’s name I can’t remember. He took on a whole team, and... you know what - that’s too much exposition. It’s Flying Elbow Guy!

Keanu Reeves

Annnnnnnd! It’s...

...

KEANU!

This year:

Of course JW, Toy Story 4, Cyberpunk 2077, “Always be my Maybe”, plus we found out that he’s down for The Matrix 4, John Wick 4, and Bill & Ted. CRAZY!

Also my BAMF of the year (see previous post)!

We love Keanu Reeves so much, that he's allowed to murder as many people as he wants (as John Wick).

We'll get mad if an actor who's not handicapped is playing someone who is, we'll get mad about whitewashing (as we should), we'll get mad if things are too sexualized, we GOT MAD at "Joker" for predicted violence. But, Keanu can murder all he wants:)

(See the scene above? - that was a McDonald’s before he showed up)

He found love as well. Women are loving that he chose someone closer to his age. Honestly, Idk why it matters. I'd still love this man, even if he were dating 22 year old, racist ass Camila Cabello.

But, he's viewed by some as the perfect man. I disagree. I don’t think that he’s merely the perfect man, but the perfect human.

His career and popularity paths are unique. No one would call him a... GOOD actor, but look at him! And he seems like a genuinely, awesomely, good person. And whatever "good person" means to you, he's at the top! We should all (men and women) be a lil more like Keanu in 2020.

Let's all be as lovable as we can, so we may all get away with as much as we can:)

With each new year, I challenge myself with a slogan to live by. In 2020, it's going to be this -

From Eddie Murphy’s “Raw”- Richard Pryor’s advice to Eddie, concerning Bill Cosby

Telling certain people in my way "To have a Coke and a smile, and shut the bleep up." Sometimes, I might need to be the one to do this, rather than say it - we'll see.

Here was the runner-up slogan (his response)

Magical.

Happy New Year, Everyone! Enjoy yourselves. Be less of an asshole. And be safe... enough to at least make it TO 2020.

Much love!

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quoth-the-sparrow · 6 years

Text

Analogical Headcanons pt 2!

Hey folks! Since a lot of people seemed to like the original human!au headcanon post I made, I decided to add some more!

About Virgil

Virgil Grey started YouTube for fun. He played video games and discussed theories about them

He also started talking about mental health and LGBTQ+ matters

He didn't expect to gain such popularity; he went with it and decided to make it his full-time job because it made him happy, and he didn't have to deal with people face-to-face

He also liked being his own boss

Originally he'd wanted to get into art school but then his YouTube career took off

He started doing 'Sketch With Me' videos, and mini sketchbook tours once he got the courage to show people his artwork

His viewers loved it and his art videos soon became one of his most popular series

Eventually, he got to have his own website where he sold prints of his art

His two moms made sure he was listened to, and they support him wholeheartedly

They also helped him find healthy ways to cope with his anxiety and bouts of depression

Virgil was very grateful to his moms; they always had his back and it was comforting to know he'd always have them in his corner

Virgil is an only child, and he sometimes had trouble making friends

Until he met Patton Thompson in the 3rd grade

Patton was funny and kind and was always nice to Virgil

They bonded over their love of stuffed animals, Disney movies, and cartoons

They were inseparable; always having sleepovers and going places together

They remained best friends their whole lives

About Logan

Logan Sterling had always loved space, the ocean, science, and mystery. He would write stories where the characters would go on great adventures, solving mysteries and discovering new places

His parents never approved; they discouraged his writing every chance they got. They wanted him to focus his energy on 'realistic' goals, goals they wanted for him

Logan gave up writing for a while, wanting nothing more than their approval.

Once he got into high school, he realized there would never be a way for him to truly gain their approval. They always wanted more, expected more, no matter what he did

So despite their protests and lack of support, he joined a Creative Writing Club. He entered writing contests and won

He decided that he wanted to go to college to be an English major, to maybe teach creative writing and work on a book of his own

He didn't tell his parents; they had a fight every time Logan mentioned his writing

Logan was always compared to his older brother, who, in his parent's eyes, could do nothing wrong

His junior year of high school, he started going out with a cute boy in his class

Logan had known he was gay since middle school but never had the courage to come out

Sadly, the relationship didn't last long. Logan's older brother caught them kissing and told their parents

Logan's parents were livid; they ranted and yelled about how disgusted they were, and that they were disowning him

Logan finally stood up for himself and yelled back, saying he didn't want awful parents like them anyways

He packed his things and called his Uncle Joan, who came over immediately and helped Logan get all his things safely out of the house

Joan and their partner Talyn are supportive of Logan, and they both love him dearly

For the rest of his life, he refers to Joan and Talyn as his parents

How They Met

Logan and Virgil met by complete chance

At the time, Logan was 23 and Virgil was 25

They were in the same tattoo shop getting work done

Logan was getting a galaxy tattoo on his back; he wanted something to show his love for the stars but also wanted it somewhere he could hide it in case he got a job where they didn't allow tattoos to be shown.

Virgil was getting a swirl of purple nebula dotted with yellow stars around his upper arm

They were both going to be there for a while, so why not strike up a casual conversation?

They got to flirting talking, and they basically hit it off. Virgil was sarcastic and teasing, and Logan quipped back with no hesitation (what a sassy boi)

Virgil likes that Logan is so passionate about things he's interested in

Logan likes that Virgil doesn't seem to be afraid to say what he's thinking

They decided to go out for coffee together the next day, and they exchange phone numbers

After a week of getting coffee together and texting one another basically non-stop, Logan asks Virgil to come to dinner with him

Virgil agrees and gives Logan his address to be picked up later that night

Logan arrives at the house to pick him up and Virgil is looking so damn good! Boy's make up is on point, and damn does he look good in his skinny jeans

Virgil can't keep his eyes off Logan either; how could a guy be so charming and cool and attractive?

They're so damn Gay™ for each other, basically

Needless to say, the date went extremely well and they stayed together their whole lives! (Cliche? Maybe. Totally cute? You bet!)

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing these, and I’m so glad to be able to share them with you all! If you like this, please re-blog and let me know what you think! Thank you for all your support, it means a lot to me!

Tagging: @fandersfic-analogical @areyousirius-noheisdead @silversmith-91 @the-incedible-sulk @anuninspiredpoet @today-only-happens-once @theresneverenoughfandoms @arandombisexual @metaphoricalpluto2 @maya-tl

#sparrow writes #analogical headcanons #sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #human!au #please reblog #let me know what you think

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lordrethandus · 6 years

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Mourn Not the Penitent Pt 3

Out of everyone in the Oathguard, Eristel had the best arrangement in the entire operation.

As Quartermaster, it was his sole duty to ensure the Oathguard was properly equipped and prepared for their time on Argus. Every two weeks he would have to count every crate of supplies they had to make a comprehensive list of what they needed to last them another fortnight. He then would establish a secure connection between Felfathom Keep and the Amber Glade to deliver the goods; during that six hours of transitioning he was free to visit his family, watch Jaeras’ progress with her pyromancy, and most importantly, spend some quality time with Tyrasam.

Until the next fateful encounter, Eristel decided to keep himself occupied the best way he knew how. Channeling spellflame was now as easy as breathing, and he worked to improve his pyromancy at any given time; his last encounter and his second true battle against the Burning Legion proved he was still too overzealous with his incantations. Despite engulfing any demons he came across with molten vengeance so hot it would make Ragnaros blush, no pyromancer worth their weight should ever exhaust themselves of mana minutes into a battle. He needed to pace himself and exercise restraint if he wanted to be of any use to anyone.

“Quartermaster!” One of the few remaining soldiers left to defend Felfathom Keep called, interrupting his training. “There’s a demonic gateway in the storage room!”

“What…!” Eristel hissed under his breath; his first thought were of wyrmtongues sneaking into Felfathom Keep to steal as much as they could get their grubby little hands on. “Stay here. I’ll handle the thieving little bastards.”

Fear of a Burning Legion ambush happening right under their noses hastened his steps. If Felfathom Keep was destroyed while the Oathguard was away, it would be a crushing blow that could threaten their presence out here; even worse, they could lure in the returning forces and lead them to slaughter. Eristel wasn't about to let that happen. Not on his watch.

The gateway was just as sinister as he imagined. Two long curved prongs of twisted metal and rock stained purple with foul magic, emanating a swirling vortex of sickly green energy. None of the crates around the room were disturbed, but that didn’t matter to Eristel; any trace of the Burning Legion must be dealt with extreme force. Fire sprouted from the palms of his hands, and vengeance burned in his flaring green eyes. The Pyromancer took one quick breath before dashing forward, ready to stumble upon any atrocious horrors the demons had in store for him.

What he found was something… else. All he saw was a single altar sitting on a flat empty landscape when he stepped through the other side of the gateway. The earth beneath his feet - if you could even call it that - was soft and sticky, clinging to the soles of his boots not quite unlike mud or gore. When the Pyromancer looked up, all he saw was the vast empty of the Great Dark Beyond, but devoid of any stars, planets, or nebulae. Only a tangled mess of asteroids spinning around what had to be the remains of a planet caught his eye, until he turned around to look over the gateway; a colossal aberration of flesh and tendrils the size of a planet filled Eristel with dread. It was the unmistakable visage of an Old God, easily the largest one he would ever see. It’s very presence was overwhelming, so much so that he didn’t even notice someone walking up from behind.

“Enjoying the view, Quartermaster?” Istrys called out from a healthy distance away from the Pyromancer. He whipped around to see her fiendish smirk, with Zolaar standing hunched over beside her; it looked like he could no longer stand up straight, and his hands were covered in felblood. “I’m surprised you got here so quickly. Perhaps you have the awareness needed to properly defend yourself against the Legion’s dirty tricks.”

“What is this place…? Why are you two here…?” Eristel couldn’t sound any more confused and bewildered if he tried. “And what the fel is that?!”

“This place is was once a world called Vivi… Vivith… viv- something retarded. Zolaar is convinced a powerful and advanced race once ruled supreme from here long before the Titans created Azeroth. Then that thing in the sky came, and destroyed everything.” Istrys was vague with her answer as expected; she never seemed the type to be interested in long forgotten history, unless she could benefit from it.

“That being floating high above is called A’zthoth.” The Harvester continued, but he kept his head low and his mask facing the ground. “It is one of the first Old Gods coughed forth from the Void, or so its whispers claim. I would avoid casting magic here… if A’zthoth awakens from its slumber… it will be very unfortunate for us.”

Eristel wasn't about to plague his sleep with nightmares imagining what unspeakable evil would befall him should the Old God awaken. “And the altar…?”

Zolaar turned to gesture toward the black spiraling metal spikes that seemed to stretch out toward the dark abyssal sky before pointing back down to the altar. “This is where I betrayed my master… and where I was justly rewarded for my defiance…” The Harvester and sounded like he was in an incredible amount of pain; judging by how warped his spine looked through his filthy robes, how he was even able to stand at all was a mystery.

Eristel didn’t know what to say. He was mentally prepared to face a swarm of demons when he ran headfirst into the gate, hoping he would be able to disable it from the inside to thwart their vile plans, but this was something else entirely. The world - what was left of it - was so foreign, from the muck beneath his boots to the hideous Old God sound asleep overhead; a part of him was still in disbelief any of this was real. “I…” he managed to squeeze out, blinking at Istrys and Zolaar during his meager attempts to make sense of all this.

“Come, Zolie. We don’t want people getting the wrong ideas about us.” Istrys commanded, startling the Harvester. Within seconds she was beside Eristel, firmly grabbing him by the wrist and shoulder to escort him back to Argus. “The longer you think about this place, the less sense it will make. Let’s get you back to Felfathom Keep, hmm? Would you like that Mr. Lord?”

“I’m not a child…” Eristel scowled, yanking his hand away from the Necromancer; he gave Az’thoth one last look while he sharply inhaled. “But yes… I would like to leave.”

He had no idea he could miss the scorched air of Argus. Going through the demonic gateway twice within minutes was putting a major strain on his body, leaving him physically exhausted traveling light years in just under a second each time. He missed the taste of Tyrasam’s wine-stained lips now more than ever. The others stationed in Felfathom Keep were surrounding the gateway with weapons drawn; had they not hesitated to kill whomever stepped through, they would have impaled Eristel dead-center.

“Who told you to leave your posts?!” Istrys shouted, glaring wildly at them. “What did everyone need to investigate the gate?! While you gawk at us, Felfathom Keep is undefended!”

“W-we didn’t know if Eristel would return…” One of them lowered his weapons and muttered in a low tone.

“Is it a Legion trap?” Another asked, with fear lighting up in her eyes. “Did you manage to stop them?”

“There’s no trap! Zolaar created this gate so he could interrogate Ijiro’s felguard captives without risking the keep!” The Necromancer waved her hand dismissively. “It’s like Andy left me the dumbest fools to defend Felfathom on purpose! Stop asking questions and get back to your stations, before I raise a few more corpses to do your patrols for you!”

Like roaches they scattered out of the storage room, as expected. Eristel continued to take his time absorbing everything he recently learned, fearing his nights would be plagued with what that monster could do to everything he cared for. Perhaps Gonthar was right… Zolaar was dangerous. “Az’thoth…” He started, turning to the Harvester. “How did you even find something that powerful?”

“I didn’t.” He answered plainly. “The Cult of Forgotten Shadows did. A sect was drawn to Az’thoth’s power, and they almost awakened him when they tried to siphon a portion of his power. It… didn’t end well for them. For any of them.” Zolaar paused to rub at his shoulder; it looked dislocated, but he didn’t seem to want any help with it. “The Black Harvest investigated and followed their trail all the way out there. I decided to use it as my sanctuary to get away from all of this… life.”

Istrys didn’t seem too enthusiastic listening to his dreary sob story about the most powerful Old God any mortal may ever witness. “Also… I’d keep it hush-hush about that creature around the others. Let the officers know when they come back, but, these common footsoldiers are cut from a different cloth. You know how they get when someone mentions the infamous OGs.”

Eristel leaned against a crate before asking, “What about you? Aren’t you at least a little uncomfortable with that… thing floating over your head when you’re out there?”

“Just a little.” She shrugged with mild interest. “I’ve got nothing to worry about while it’s still asleep. Us undead are incredibly resistant to all forms of shadow magic, including Old God hysteria. If it wakes up then, well… heheheh… that’s going to be a problem.” The Pyromancer swallowed hard, suddenly looking nauseous. Before he had a chance to speak again, one of the guards came rushing back into the storage room.

“Mistress! Ijiro’s team has returned!”

“Blegh!” Istrys’ groan was almost as exaggerated as it was obnoxiously loud. “A whole day of peace and quiet… now that chuckling cyclops is back. Fantastic.”

Audrey was already dragging Kaarst into the infirmary by the time Eristel and Istrys walked outside to greet them; the Necromancer was about to ask how he nearly got his arm torn apart before the hulking corpse Ijiro and his team were surrounding shattered her concentration. Seeing the twisted Draenei grins permanently stained on the multiple heads was just horrific enough to push Eristel over the tipping point, and not a moment later he was expelling his last meal onto the ground at his feet.

“Nice.” Ijiro chuckled, causing Istrys to roll her eyes out of habit. “Hell of a welcoming party, yeah? Are you feeling alright Eristel?”

“He's had a rough day without his b- hey!” Istrys was halfway through her snide remark before spotting the survivors of the slave pits huddling in the corner. “What’s with the kids?”

The Hunter glanced over his shoulder at them with a weary eye. “They’re the only ones we managed to save in the pits. The Burning Legion was using slave labor to mine this stuff,” He raised his hand to reveal a small crystal veiled in a dull purple hue. “Don’t know what it is or what it’s for, but if demons want it, can’t be good, yeah?”

“Certainly can’t.” Istrys turned to speak with Zolaar, but he was no longer at her side; when she looked around for the twisted warlock she didn’t have to look far. The Harvester was hunched over the strange demon with his hand pressed against its wretched flesh. “And what is that supposed to be?”

“One of the rescued kids called it an Ur’zul, but I have no idea what that means. None of the folks we rescued want anything to do with it, and judging by the many faces, I can see why.” Ijiro grimaced while he gazed down at the demon. “Took a lot of firepower to take it down too… truly the stuff of nightmares.”

“I’ll need to dissect this demon immediately.” Zolaar looked over his crooked shoulders to see all three elves staring blankly at him. “T-to learn more about it, of course…”

Ijiro, fearing Eristel was going to vomit again, began rubbing his back to help him regain his composure; he definitely remembered telling Eristel how traumatizing war can be. “Right… cut it open and learn what you can. If these demons are rolling off the assembly line, we’ll need to learn and exploit any weaknesses, yeah? Else this war just got a whole lot worse.” Eristel wiped his chin with his sleeve while he slowly rose back to his full height.

“You have no idea how worse this war could become.”

#the war on argus

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this-is-for-the-record-blog · 6 years

Video

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Binaural - Pearl Jam - Album Review

Binaural is the sixth record from respected alternative rock band Pearl Jam. It was around the time, in 2000, that this record was released when many people had forgotten about Pearl Jam and many of the other 90s rock bands from Seattle. Ironically it was actually around the time I discovered Pearl Jam and many of the 90s rock bands. I didnt catch wind of this record till a year after it was released though. I remember buying Binaural from Virgin Records along with Live on Two Legs the bands compilation of live performances from the bands Yield tour. This record was very different from anything Pearl Jam released prior, Yield included. It had a much different energy and really utilized the space in the songs. This record like No Code took me some time to understand. This change in pacing and sound was in part because of the bands switch in producers. This would mark the first record for producer Tchad Blake, who was chosen as the replacement for long time producer for the band Brendan O’Brien and also marked the bands first record with new drummer Matt Cameron who was best known for his work with Soundgarden before their departure. Binaural refers to the recording technique used on the record and literally means to listen with both ears.

Binaural takes a pretty different approach in recording style, which is where the record gets its title. Tchad Blake was chosen to produce the record because he was known for this Binaural style recording. The album was recorded using a technique where two microphones were used to create a 3D stereophonic sound an effect that simulates being in the studio with the band. Regarding producer Tchad Blake guitarist Stone Gossard said “He was just there for us the whole time, wanting us to create different moods.” This record marked some difficulties for the band members, such as Eddie Vedder suffering from writers block, which inspired the hidden track consisting entirely of typewriter noises after the last track “Parting Ways” which features, for the first time, a string arrangement. This frustration of coming up with ideas led to Eddie picking up a ukulele for the first time to inspire him on “Soon Forget” but also it led to heavy influences on the record like on that same track which musically almost completely rips off the Who’s ukulele song “Red, Blue, and Grey” and the track “Breakerfall” sounds like “I Can See For Miles” also by The Who with its Townshend’s style windmill guitar strums while “Nothing As It Seems” guitarist Mike McCready performs a couple vicious solos on a track with a guitar tone, structure and mood similar to “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd. At the time of recording Binaural, McCready had been struggling with Crohn’s disease, which led to an addiction to prescription drugs. McCready had again checked into a rehab center during the recording process.

Also like Yield Binaural included creative input from all member of the band including the newest addition drummer Matt Cameron collaboratively writing both the music and lyrics. Much of the structures here incorporate a lot of experimenting but not in the lo-fi, stripped back kind of way that was present prior to Yield but much more of a mature and professional experimenting with guitar effects like swirling choruses vibratos, phasers and delay. If Pearl Jams previous records were Young, Stones, Zeppelin and Beatles records Binaural is definitely Pearl Jam’s Floyd record. In “Nothing As It Seems”, one of my favorites, the band really creates a very atmospheric sound like on much of the record with the use of the Binaural recording technique but also with the song structures and instrumentation as well. A song written by bassists Jeff Ament who uses a moaning upright bass which contributes to much of the songs atmosphere as well. Mike McCready plays a very eerie, echoing, psychedelic David Gilmour-esque solo and guitar melody, and as I said earlier, similar to “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd, with just a sight more edge in his tone. Other times McCreadys guitar tone also pulls influence from Mick Taylor and Eric Clapton on the bluesy, moody track “Of The Girl” a song similar to clapton’s “After Midnight”. Singer Eddie Vedder said this about the production, “It’s a type of recording that’s called binaural recording. There’s several ways to do it, whether there’s two microphones clipped here [motions to both temples by ear], to not just record the instruments, but record the air around the instruments. You can hear, there’s a song called ‘Of The Girl.’ You know you can hear Mike’s, Mike McCready’s guitar. You can really feel the space of the room. That is something that you kind of miss from modern recordings…” “Insignificance” and “Evacuation” are very rhythmic and drum driven tracks and are arguably the most complex songs up to this point with their layered build, complex, unpredictable timing and beats (thanks to new drummer Matt Cameron) echoing vocals and atmosphere. Many of the songs burn slower though than most of their back catalog.with texture and atmosphere being the focal point like the meditative and experimental “Sleight of Hand”, “Of The Girl”, “Thin Air” and “Parting Ways”. While a couple of the tracks are some of the bands heaviest like “Breakerfall”, “Evacuation” “Grievance” and ”Gods Dice”.

The album artwork features The Hourglass Nebula. The image is a Nasa photo of a planetary nebula, an “expanding, glowing shell of ejected ionized gas” some 8,000 light-years from Earth, apart of a binary system that was taken from the Hubble Space Telescope. Jeff Ament said, “The reason that we went with Tchad [Blake] is because he provides an amazing atmosphere to songs….So, I think we wanted the artwork to represent that….One of the themes that we’ve been exploring…is just realizing that in the big scheme of things, even the music that we make when we come together, no matter how powerful it is, it’s still pretty minuscule. I think for me the whole space theme has a lot to do with scale. You know, you look at some of those pictures, and there are thirteen light years in four inches in that picture.” Much like many planetary nebulae this record is also extremely complex and varies in its morphologies, incorporating my different genres, neopsychadelia, folk rock, garage rock, blues, indie rock and moody post punk undertones. The records title, atmosphere and themes as they are compared to the cover art are phenomenally accurate. About one-fifth of planetary nebulae are roughly spherical, but the majority are not spherically symmetric. The mechanisms that produce such a wide variety of shapes and features are not yet well understood, but binary central stars, stellar winds and magnetic fields may play a role. Each song a bit different from one another but created from the same energy.

Like the music on the record, the lyrics cover much darker and more somber subject matter like war, peace, violence, authority abuse, discomfort in life and love, especially when compared to the bright uplifting mood of their previous record Yield. One of the sadder but most beautiful tracks to ever be written by Pearl Jam is “Sleight of Hand” a song that brings to mind The Great Gatsby or the character Willy Loman in “Death of a Salesman” where the character in the song realizes what he always believed adult life to be was not what he thought or hoped it to be and the dreams he’d had as a child would never be achievable, ultimately tricked by the so called “American Dream”. Some political and social issues regarding civil liberties are stated in songs like “Evacuation” a song about embracing change and “Insignificance” and “Grievance” songs questioning the significance behind the 1999 Seattle WTO protests and speaks of the dehuminization and detachment effects from technology beginning around the turn of the century and the adverse affects of political struggle. The song “Rival” reflects on the 1999 Columbine High School shooting. At the time the deadliest school shooting in American history. The shooting was influenced by their desire to rival the Oklahoma City bombing and other deadly incidents in the United States in the 1990s. Vedder had this to say regarding some of the sadder themes and social criticisms and political themes within the lyricism on Binaural, “I think what everyone’s looking for, y'know, is freedom…That’s part of being comfortable in your own skin. I know I had a problem with being told what to do, and had a problem with being mentally and physically constricted. All of humanity is searching for freedom and I think it’s important to know when you have it, too.”

The album covers some very personal feelings and topics like spiritual beliefs on the track “Gods’ Dice” which is a song that judges anyone with a belief system. “Nothing As It Seems” is about something that appears one way from an outside perspective but is viewed a whole other way when you’ve seen from inside. Other times Eddie is mourning the loss over someone who has past on to a place that is not of this world but might just possibly still be reachable within the cosmic universe somewhere on the Neil Young inspired “Light Years”. Vedder not only suffered from some writers block, but also had some personal turmoil in his love life and marriage which came to an end during the time of this records recording. I feel songs reflect this inner turmoil in songs like “Breakerfall” and “Of The Girl” a song about relying heavily on love as a drug to where when its gone you’re left vulnerable and having withdraws. “Parting Ways” a song about a separation of two lovers. Many songs are very expressive emotionally and send the message of you can define your own life or let your life define you. “Soon Forget” is about a man who lets the material world and the size of his wallet define him and in the end hes like the money he defines himself by, here today gone tomorrow.

I feel Binaural gets overlooked even by the band themselves. Its a record that gets neglected most live and probably the first record to really get neglected by the mainstream radio, bytbreally anything after Vitalogy or even VS never gets airplay. The band still not perusing mainstream marketing in interviews and no music videos came from this record. Any mainstream success present during the early 90s for the band was definitely long gone. With Matt Cameron on board live performances became a primary for the focus at this time for the band. Reaching their 10 year anniversary as a band they were definitely paving their road to the Hall of Fame. Binaural really proved to be a huge progressive step for the band trying and experimenting with new things from production, structure, textures and instrumentation. Its not quite as good of a record as Yield or even their next effort in 2002, but I think its a record that makes sense as a bridge between the two records and at the time was a record youd expect from Pearl Jam being a sort of evolution in progression. Its brash, calming, atmospheric, personally emotive and expressive. Tragedies would soon follow after the release of this record that would play a big role on the bands seventh record that would leave the band questioning their purpose of even existing. Despite Eddies writers block he had been dealing with during the writing of the record a lot of songs were cut from the record such as “Sad”, a song that sounds like something off Sleater Kinney’s Hot Rock album and “Fatal” an acoustic ballad, and theres the grungy “In the Moonlight”, “Education”, “Sweet Lew”, which is a song led sung by Jeff Ament. “Hitchhiker”, the Three Fish inspired “Strangest Tribe”, and the folky acoustic “Drifting”. My favorite songs are “Light Years”, “Nothing As It Seems”, “Sleight of Hand”, “Of The Girl”, “Gods’ Dice”, and “Thin Air”. If you like Matthew Good Band, Temple of the Dog, Candlebox, Soundgarden, Finn Brothers, Wellwater Conspiracy, Supergrass, Stillwater, Mad Season, The Dismemberment Plan, Life House, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Three Fish, Pink Floyd, Neil Finn, The Verve Pipe, Brad, The Rockfords, Mother Love Bone, Josh Freese, Neil Young, The Who, Seven Mary Three, Skin Yard, Stone Temple Pilots, Hater, Stegosaurus, Smashing Pumpkins, The Doors, Chris Cornell, Foo Fighters, or Red Hot Chili Peppers you will love this record.

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bytjie5678 · 7 years

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Christmas at Baker Street

Two steps, key inserted, door unlocked, welcome home, John Watson.

I opened the door and closed it behind me, feeling my energy recharge in the presence of the familiar flat.

It was a bloody long day.

I was worried sick because Sherlock had disappeared. Again. Not even Lestrade could find him. He was gone for a whole week, and I had no idea where he was. I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep for the last two days, so I was completely exhausted as well. The worst part was that it was early October, the start of the coldest time of year.

The only thing I could do was hope that, wherever Sherlock was hiding, he would be clever enough to try and not freeze to death.

I trudged upstairs and came into the living room, only to find a tall and slender figure somehow fitting his whole mass into a thinking position on the armchair, making him look one third of his actual size.

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” I demanded, internally relieved to see him sitting there, but fuming on the outside.

“Looking for a case.” Sherlock replied casually, still not moving a muscle.

“Looking for- you mean you weren’t even on a case? You’ve just been wandering around London for the last seven days?”

“That about sums it up, yes.”

I shook my head, striding over to where the other man was sitting. Dark circles ran around his eyes, indicating how exhausted he was. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold. I grabbed Sherlock’s icy wrist and tugged up the sleeve, checking for needle marks.

“Oh for God’s sake, John, I’m clean!” He declared in an irritable voice. I confirmed the absence of needle marks and nicotine patches to fit with Sherlock’s occasional honesty.

I suddenly felt a prick in my nose, and only then noticed the horrid smell coming from Sherlock.

“I think you should take a bath.” I stated simply. I left Sherlock on the chair and went to prepare him one.

When the bath was full, I returned to the living room, seeing Sherlock in the exact same position I left him. “I’m going to get some chinese takeout. Meanwhile, you can go get yourself warm and cleaned up.” I announced, already turning to leave.

“Why should I?” Sherlock challenged, and I didn’t even bother turning back to answer him.

“One, because you smell like death, and two, I’m a doctor. I happen to understand and care a lot about personal hygiene.” I retorted over my shoulder and left without another word.

Damn him.

Damn him and his clever antics.

I got three takeaway meals, two of which I was going to feed to Sherlock, because I could see he was as hungry as a homeless man.

I returned to the flat, and found that Sherlock was still in his chair.

I dropped the bag on the kitchen table, and went back towards him. “Well come on then. If you’re not taking a bath now, we can just as well eat.” I said and ushered him to the kitchen.

Sherlock hesitantly took a bite, then gradually started eating normally. He didn’t touch the second meal, but I was happy that he finished the first.

“Alright, now go take a bath.” I instructed and started clearing away the plates. Sherlock again hesitated, but left without complaint.

Only minutes later, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

John, I require a duck.

-SH

I read it once, then twice. I blinked. “A duck? Seriously?” I mumbled and I typed a reply.

For what would you need a duck? And why do you have your phone in the bath?

-JW

I heard the message go through to Sherlock’s phone in the bathroom.

It is best not to question it. I have a rubber duck in my bedside cabinet, and I need you to fetch it for me.

-SH

I sighed with exasperation. If he needs a duck, I’ll get him his ruddy duck. As long as he gets rid of that awful stench.

The duck was exactly where he described it to be, and I knocked on the bathroom door.

“Who is it?” I heard him say in a bored voice.

“The queen. Who do you think it is?” I replied sarcastically. “Come in.”

I opened the door and felt a wave of humidity hit my face as I entered.

“Here’s your du- what- you didn’t even undress?”

“Why should I? This is comfortable. And I’m washing my clothes in the process.”

“For God’s sake Sherlock, that’s what laundry is for! That’s it, I’m taking this into my own hands. Climb out and take everything off. I don’t want to see a sock left on your foot.” I started rolling up my sleeves, prepared to wash him like a dog if I had to.

“Oh, so you’re going to bathe me now?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”

“What are you, my nanny? Don’t be ridiculous, John.”

“Well you seem incapable of taking care of yourself.”

“I can take care of myself!”

“But you don’t.”

Sherlock stayed silent after that. I went out so he could undress, and when I reentered he was naked in the bathtub with a sulky expression on his face. As a doctor I was completely unfazed by his nudity, so I tugged my sleeves up higher.

“That’s better.” I stated, grabbing some shampoo. I took a seat on the edge of the bathtub and started rubbing it into his thick, greasy auburn curls, massaging out all the built up dirt and oil from the last week.

I then took a spongeful soap and began washing his body. He sat perfectly still as I cleaned his arms, legs, chest, and back. His back was the worst to look at.

His ribs were more pronounced and stood out under his skin, and old gut-wrenching scars ran all over his back, each one a different shape and size.

“Sherlock, where did you get all these scars?” I asked quietly, running a hand over them. “It was from when I went undercover.” He said shortly, as if wanting to drop the subject. I didn’t ask him anything further.

When he was finished, I left the room so he could dry himself. I wasted no time putting on my pajamas, since the thought of sleep seemed to become increasingly tempting to me.

Sherlock put on his pajamas as well and went to bed without a word. I had no energy left to do anything else, so I climbed into bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

Hours later, I woke up to someone knocking on the door. “Come in.” I said groggily, turning on the bedside lamp. 01:33 AM read the alarm clock.

A boquet of jet black curls rolled in from the other side of the door, followed by a clever head and sharp face. A pair of restlessly blue eyes stared at me. “Sherlock, what now?”

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“You mean you can’t sleep.”

“No, I… Yes.” He admitted, rubbing his eyes irritably.

“And you think I can solve this problem?”

“Yes.”

To be quite honest I didn’t actually expect him answer like that, and it caught me by surprise. “Wha- how?”

“Human companionship often helps to fix sleeping patterns. I think that sleeping in the same bed as you can fix my sleeping problem, John.” He replied honestly.

I sighed. Not even sitting up, I patted the other side of the bed as an indication for him to climb in.

The tall creature shuffled closer and flopped into the bed, his back facing me. I turned off the lamp the moment he was settled. I lay still for a few minutes, listening to Sherlock’s uneven breaths, and finally fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, Sherlock was already out of bed. I walked into the kitchen, and found him making breakfast with miss Hudson. “Good morning, John.” He said in a cheery voice, and turned around with an inviting cup of coffee in his hand.

“Um, good morning.” I replied, taking a seat and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Sleep well, miss Hudson?” I asked, and she smiled at me with a kind face.

“Oh yes. I had simply the loveliest dream.”

A few days passed, and neither I nor Sherlock spoke about the fact that we slept together one night, but when said day was over and we were both back in the flat, Sherlock asked me if he could sleep in my bed again.

I felt a little jump for joy when he asked me, because it did feel nice to be in the same bed as him, and it did seem to fix both our sleeping patterns.

I woke up with the same routine, to find Sherlock already up and awake.

I could easily see how his physical health was improving. But his mental health was a different case. He was biting something back, keeping himself from saying something, and it was driving him mad.

He started asking me more and more often to sleep in my bed, until it gradually became a nightly routine for us to sleep together. We never spoke about this outside of the flat.

It became so patterned that Sherlock didn’t even ask anymore, and just strolled in when he was ready to go to bed.

One night I woke up to find Sherlock out of bed. I heard no sounds from the bathroom, so I became paranoid that he ran away again. I quickly threw on my bathrobe since the flat was bloody cold, and moved to find him.

I checked his room only to find the duvet missing. Did he take it for warmth? I went to check the living room next.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I found him sitting before the window, wrapped in his duvet and staring out at the night sky.

I shuffled closer to him and sat down next to him. “I thought you weren’t interested in space.” I murmured with a smirk.

Sherlock looked over to me, his eyes the colour of a nebula, and raised a brow. “Just because I’m not interested in space, does not mean I cannot appreciate its beauty.” He replied softly, echoeing those same words he used so many years ago. I nodded. “Fair enough.”

Sherlock moved an arm with his duvet, indicating for me to come closer. I shuffled against him as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, sharing his body heat with me. He leaned his head onto my shoulder, and I rested my head on his.

“Tell me about the stars, John.”

“But I thought you deleted all the data of space from your head?”

“I’m not saying I’m going to bother remembering it, but I want to listen to you talking about it.” He said, and I felt heat crawl up my neck and tint my ears red.

And so I started to tell him about the stars. Everything I knew about them. How they shine so bright, how they keep burning for millions of years, how the visible ones are specially arranged to create beautiful constellations, which was fascinating since the whole galaxy is constantly spiralling around the giant black hole in the center, and how big and vast the universe was.

Soon Sherlock fell asleep to the sound of my voice, and I watched the sleeping figure, with his lips slightly parted. His eyelids were gently concealing his beautiful, intelligent eyes, like the curtains of a stage hiding the masterpiece of a performance behind them, and his curls were messily covering his forehead. In this very dim and soft light, I couldn’t help but find him quite graceful.

Smiling at the light snores he made, I pressed a soft kiss to his hairline, feeling my eyelids grow heavy. Eventually I fell asleep against him.

I woke up the next morning to find myself in the bed, and not on the floor. Sherlock was already up and busying himself with experiments in the kitchen. Did he carry me to the bed? Did I dream the whole thing? The extra duvet on the bed convinced me otherwise.

Neither one of us ever spoke about this, but I knew we both remembered it quite well. And so, the cycle continued normally of sleeping in the same bed. The days of solving cases and keeping Sherlock busy were just as normal. I knew he had feelings for Molly, so I tried my best to keep it platonic.

Although, I started to wonder how long this would last… Would we continue this? Would we stop this? Would we take it a step further? Could this develop into something new? Am I going mad?

These questions kept on bouncing around in my head each night like an obnoxious child in a theatre, but I didn’t dare ask. Pretty soon though, Christmas eve rolled around and my questions were answered.

Lestrade was hosting Christmas dinner, and Sherlock and I went together. We started having an argument about Sherlock keeping himself locked up in his feelings. We kept bickering all the way up to the front door.

“But Sherlock, you can’t possibly expect me to believe that Molly’s feelings have gone to waste!”

“John, how much is it going to take to convince you that I’m not into Molly? The woman is not my taste. Is Irene Adler not enough evidence for you?”

“Why are you always so stubborn? Give the girl a chance! Why don’t you-” I couldn’t say anymore because Sherlock’s warm lips were crashed against mine, kissing me furiously.

His hands were cupping my face and he moved against my lips in a smooth arch that set my nerves on fire. I had no idea what to do, but I found an overwhelming sense of desire coursing through my veins.

By the time I started to kiss back, Sherlock broke away, his hands still cupping my face. “That’s why.” He stated softly and simply, dropping his hands to his sides, and leaving me speechless.

Sherlock shook his coat back into position, opened the door and greeted everyone as if nothing had happened. I was left standing at the front door in a bewildered, sexed-up state.

Only then, when I looked up to somehow try and absorb what just happened, did I notice the bush of Mistletoe hanging above the door.

Did the bastard just-

The rest of the evening went normally, but Sherlock and I didn’t speak a word with each other.

When the night came to an end and Lestrade had a little too much to drink, we took a cab home and went to bed. Sherlock in his own bed.

I woke up on Christmas morning to see Sherlock sitting at his edge of the bed, as if contemplating something. He was waiting for me to wake up.

“John, you wanted to know how I got these scars…” He said in a tone that indicated how much he was aching to say this.

“Well, yes, I did, but… You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I said reproachfully and inched closer.

“No, no, I need to tell you. Honesty is an important factor in a relationship like ours. When I was pretending to be dead, I untangled Moriarty’s criminal network. This you know of. I tracked down and eliminated anyone who could have been a threat. To Lestrade, to miss Hudson, to you…”

Sherlock paused for a long while, in which I sat closer to his back. I didn’t know if he was aware of my movements, but he continued to speak. He told me, in detail, of how he was tortured when captured, demanded information, and whipped when he refused to speak.

“Show me.” I replied softly, and he did. He slowly pulled off his shirt. I approached his scarred back and carefully laid a hand between his shoulder blades. I traced one of his scars and felt him tense up at my touch.

“All of these, I did it all, I took it all for you.” He said carefully. My heart nearly beat out of my chest at these words. “God, Sherlock.” I whispered.

“But I’m afraid to admit that there have been consequences to my actions. There are so many people who died because of me. I’m… I’m practically… a monster.” He said, on the verge of tears. This man was breaking down and I needed to help him rebuild himself.

Before he finished speaking I was at the other side of the bed, crouching before him. I cupped his face in my hands and stared straight into his ocean blue eyes.

“William Sherlock Scott Holmes, don’t you dare reduce yourself to such worthless words. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. All the things I can tell about you… The selfless scars on your back, the ridiculously prominent curls on your head, your deep and intelligent voice when rambling on with your deductions, the smiles you make when you think no one’s looking, I…”

I didn’t know I was ready to say the words, but they came so much easier than I expected. I knew that Sherlock kissed me last night for a reason, be it a way to make a confession or a way to make me shut up.

“I… God, Sherlock, I love you.” I blurted out, my gaze constantly shifting between his blue eyes. Sherlock was completely silent for a few seconds, scaring me into thinking I said something wrong.

But then, the unexpected happened. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, to take it all back, the smooth and warm lips of Sherlock Holmes brushed against mine once more and planted a much softer kiss on my lips. This time I was ready, and I started kissing him back. His hand moved up and gently caressed my cheek.

Our lips made a sound when we parted. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that…” He whispered, his colourful irises gazing straight into my eyes.

My lips were still tingling from the kiss, and I was more than ready for another one. Our foreheads were pressed together and I felt his light breath tingling on my skin.

“How- how long?” I asked in my flustered state. Sherlock paused.

“The day you reacted differently to my deductions than others, calling them amazing instead of rude.”

And slowly I came to realise that it- “That was the day we first met.” I said. “I know.” He replied softly, and we both giggled ourselves silly.

This time, I moved in and pressed my lips against his, harder. Sparks erupted in my chest, and I felt adrenaline rush through my veins.

Our lips moved against each other in soft, tender strokes, nostrils flaring for breath and our heart rates accelerated. He kissed me slowly and sweetly, as if trying to absorb, analyze and memorise each and every little detail.

When we finally broke apart, we were both breathless. Panting against each other’s faces, we started laughing again. We laughed for a solid five minutes before deciding to make breakfast.

I jumped up from the bed and jogged to the kitchen. I cracked a pair of eggs into a pan and started frying them, when I felt two strong arms quickly wrap around my waist and lift me, causing me to jump in fright. His warm chest breathed against my back as he whispered in my ear. “Merry Christmas, John.” He said and pecked my cheek.

“You arse, I’m going to burn breakfast!” I scolded him, but he just chuckled with his deep voice.

“I’m guessing that we are… What others may call… Lovers?”

“Let’s go with… Together?”

“Boyfriends?”

“A couple?”

“A couple. Perfect.”

#johnlock #my otp #otp prompts #sherlock holmes #bbc sherlock #john watson #fanfic #oneshot

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