#but my recent relapse is super recent so

[genderfreakxx]

Deeply genuine question, does anyone else feel Insane Crazy Hyper Feminine in presentation specifically on the week that is or would be your typical period week?

#I’ve been on t for a while now and it’s still a pattern I notice #I don’t often genuinely seriously want feedback on my personal posts (although it’s always welcome) but this seriously baffles me #I’m pretty gender queer in my gender in general but the older I get and the more I learn about myself the more I recognize that it’s really #only like a week out of every month or so (give or take a few fruity days here and there) where I really feel super feminine #and I am pretty damn sure it’s synced to my period cycle??? incredibly dysphoria inducing yes but I’m not 100% mad at it? #I have fun with hyper femininity but my baseline is something that can definitely be considered more masculine on average #also related‚ I’ve recently embraced gender fluidity as a part of my over all anti-binary existence #I feel really notable switches that come seemingly randomly outside of the few I feel specifically where I believe my cycle would be #and even when I miss a t dose and I do end up relapsing into having a period it seems to line up #and I don’t think it’s ??? like??? a bio-essentialist thing at all? my body and brain just does this??? and I really really wanna know #if any other gender queer folks have this experience #I don’t trust a google search to give me anything other than gender essentialist bullshit though #would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this! b #accidental b* #blithering on #gender #gender queer #genderqueer #nonbinary #transmasc #transmasculine #ftm

[linddzz]

Here an assortment of Facts About Morpheus in the Red Flags AU. Where I'm starting to lean more towards the version where they meet and are already into each other before the ""Fake Date"" Incident:

-Jessamy is the raven he took care of when he found her injured outside of his townhome. He now has a room with a window he often keeps open for her to fly into whenever she feels like it. I don't know how legal any of this is in London but tbh it doesn't matter because he also does not know what the laws are and doesn't care.

- His townhome is very dark maximalist in decor, which tends to surprise people at first. There are houseplants and little statues all over, and the walls are hidden behind millions of bookshelves. There is an art studio room and books scattered everywhere. Very recently, hypothetical visitors would notice a lot of child locks and child proofed areas that have a bit of a panicked "I bought every safety thing in the store bc I have no idea wtf I'm doing" energy to them.

- He has a therapist. Yes, the Morpheus that Hob meets is the upgraded version who is actually working on himself already. This is what the improved personal growth version of Morpheus is like.

Anyway, said therapist is Gilbert F. Greene. Because Morpheus going head to head with an unstoppable force of old timey adorable optimism who will also not take his shit is delightful. Dr. Greene insists on going by first names and Morpheus always makes "Gilbert" sound like a slur in retaliation. Some conversations I imagine include:

"Good morning Gilbert, you will never guess who had what you might call a """relapse into self destructive behaviors"""" last night."

"I am very sorry to hear that my dear boy. Let me say though, that I am so very proud of you for calling me! That is a phenomenal step for you and it's wonderful that you are being proactive in your recovery."

"Don't patronize me Gilbert. I will hang up."

(this ended up being super long so I'm just gonna spare y'all's dash. Warning for some lightly touched on mentions of drug use and self destructive behavior.)

- Him getting a therapist was part of the requirements for gaining visitation rights and then weekend custody once a month with Orpheus. The therapy is actually helping, and he's bitter about that.

- His given name is actually Dream, he goes by his middle name. All the Endless siblings have awful names. Desire goes by Adonai because who calls a fucking child Desire???

When Hob meets the rest of the family, Destiny goes "it's good to see you again, Dream" and Hob begins turning to Morpheus like "lmao who tf is named Dream" only to find Morpheus glaring daggers at his brother.

- The Endless parents are rarely around. Some of the siblings still live in the manor and they all use it for family dinners, but it's common for their parents to be off travelling for years at a time.

- Morpheus is an author and a painter who has a bajillion pen names to go with each genre he writes in, so it's hard to figure out exactly how much he's written. Even before becoming a father though, his face and full name is mostly associated with children's fantasy stories that he illustrates himself, and his Art vs Artist vibe is very Miyazaki.

Him and Calliope collaborated on a series of illustrated poetic translations of ancient epics. Their divorce was exactly as messy as one might imagine the divorce between two passionate artist types might be.

- His downward spiral of self destruction started before the divorce but oh boy did it nosedive during and after.

- When she got pregnant after divorce proceedings had started, there was a moment where they were both meeting with lawyers and one asked something along the lines of if this meant they would try for reconciliation and staying together. Calliope said "no" immediately.

It's not like Morpheus exactly thought they would get back together, but the speed and firmness of that hard "no" had his head screaming with white noise and some badly thought out self medication for months, which ended up being why Calliope got full custody and he is just now able to get more involved with the now two year old Orpheus.

- His rebound with Thessaly was also messy. She was just in it for a fun fling and he was... Morpheus. He found out he got dumped when she informed him she was already in the process of moving back to Greece, and Johanna said he needed to be banned from any more beautiful Greek expats from that day forth.

- No one can figure out what the deal is with him and Lucienne. The simple explanation is they're queerplatonic soul mates. Lucienne's wife Gault thinks they're a bit codependent (not an inaccurate assessment), but is more civil with him since the day she yelled at him to go get an actual therapist instead of constantly putting his shit on Lucienne, and he actually did. (It is unclear if this or Calliope demanding therapy for him to get visitation with Orpheus was his wake up call catalyst, but probably a bit of both.)

- Lucienne was originally a personal assistant. She now works as his editor since she seems to be the only person who can keep track of all the shit he's written. She is also the only person who can get away with critiquing his works in progress without sending him into a fit where he might burn all his manuscripts.

- When Morpheus started mentioning this Gadling guy a lot, Lucienne paid a visit to the pub. Not to do anything so crude as to threaten a man's life if he breaks her sensitive friend's heart. What could she do anyway? No no. She's just here to smile with zero trace of humor and ask some questions while looking him up and down through her spectacles. Hob will later describe this as one of the most pants shitting moments of his life, and he felt like he got transformed back into a primary school kid who talked slightly too loudly in the library.

- Morpheus went through a slutty phase during and shortly after University that was less of a healthy and fun exploration of his sexuality and libido, and a bit more "I will take anyone who will have me in any way they will want me and I know that if nothing else, I'm pretty."

- Him and Johanna used to have a game seeing who could get more free drinks in one night. This had to be put to an end when it turned into the catalyst for at least three screaming fights between them.

Fight subjects were

Quality vs Quantity. Morpheus insists his ability to get people to buy him a single glass of wine that costs £50 beats Johanna's cheap beers. Johanna disagreed. loudly.

Is it cheating when Morpheus ran to the bathroom to smudge on some eyeliner and then stole Johanna's lip gloss? Is it further cheating when Johanna realized that his main method of getting drinks was "act like Adonai"? Accusations that he would ever act like his horrid annoying younger sibling sent Morpheus into an absolute tantrum.

Competitiveness DID overcome sibling rivalry enough for Morpheus to go to Adonai for makeover assistance. This backfired because it made Morpheus hot to the point of intimidating, and Johanna won that night.

- After Hob starts flirting with him, Morpheus goes suspiciously into a Romantic, Pre-Raphaelite inspired art era featuring lots of noble knights with dark sunlit hair. A lot of them seem to be lured in by dark haired fae entities all La Belle Sans Merci style. It's disgustingly obvious.

-Therapy has made him juuuuust self aware enough to know that he MAYBE tends to go a bit hard and fast with romance. This makes him a little more cautious with Hob than he usually would be, and he's doing a bit of "Hob is so nice and sweet and interested but I'm gonna mess it up :(((" pining. Everyone around him is fucking sick of it. He is not self aware enough to realize he's still going super hard and fast, but this time he's doing it while sighing sadly and drawing Hob in his sketchbook all the fucking time.

#red flags au #human au #Dreamling #gonna make my pinned masterpost to organize shit later today djdjdksk

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for reminding a friend to keep the promise he made to me?

Everyone I've asked so far has had really weird knee-jerk reactions but I think it's probably just because they don't know me super well. I'm pretty sure I'm being reasonable but hey, best to double-check, right? (And sorry if this is long, but boy do I have a LOT of ground to cover!)

Anyway... I (??M) am a ghost, and a bunch of people recently moved into the place I'd been (un)living in, and then about half a year later all of them were suddenly able to see me. They're all really chaotic people, so a lot happened between them pretty quickly and I wasn't able to fully catch everything that went down before I became visible to them. This is to say -- I don't know why my friend (??M) decided he wanted to have the grand prize for his claw machine game be a no-strings-attached favor from him, I just know he did that.

I eventually got the grand prize (technically someone else won it first and it was a whole thing, but we're even now) and met up with my friend to talk about it. Basically, I told him I wasn't going to call in that favor unless there was something I really needed him to do, and otherwise we'd be fine to keep being friends as usual. He seemed a little unsettled (I guess my nervous laugh kind of freaks people out?) but said he understood.

Fast-forward a couple months later, and there's this whole... situation. Extremely short version: I need a bunch of diamonds to restore my memories from before I died, the queen keeps stealing precious materials because she's possessed, and my friend wanted to use the diamonds in her hoard to do an exorcism. I pulled him aside and asked if I could call in the favor and get him to give me those diamonds for something really important, and he flat-out refused. Even though this was technically getting into strings-attached territory, I respect him a lot, so I settled for asking him to get me the diamonds after we'd done the ritual.

Anyway, we do the exorcism and it goes great, and I nudge my friend and ask him if he can help me grab the diamonds now, and he says "no, let's go out to eat first." Honestly I probably should've just stopped him right there, but I was really hungry at the time so I agreed. Everyone went out to eat, but after a while I started getting antsy and ducked outside to ask my friend to help me go get the diamonds like we'd agreed on. We headed out to the ritual site and uh oh! A mutual friend (?M) of ours apparently had a relapse in his kleptomania, because all of a sudden all the diamonds are gone, something that wouldn't have been a problem if my friend had just listened to me and gotten them right after the ritual!

A lot happened that night (specifically, the apocalypse -- long story, everyone's mostly okay now) and everyone sort of lost contact with each other for a few months before finally reconnecting. I notice my friend is avoiding me, but I figured he just needed some space or something and waited for him to come visit me. He did (I actually showed him the new house I'd gotten) and we chatted for a bit before I got tired of dancing around the issue and asked him if he was still going to keep his word -- and y'all, he just leaves. Doesn't even explain anything, he just turns around and leaves.

I figure, okay, maybe he just remembered something else he needed to do, but it's been several weeks now and every time I ask him if we're still going to work on the thing I asked him for or at least ask him for something different, he insists that I'm "holding it over his head" and he's "going to follow through, just not right now" and it is getting really frustrating. I asked him for something, I even compromised on that thing despite the fact that I technically didn't have to, and now apparently I'm the bad guy just because he's being a flake!

Also I think he might be planning a coup and/or my murder. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole

[emeritus-fuckers]

Howdy pal here I am again okay okay

mk so, I'd like to be matched with a papa, because I love the pookies<3

Aight, in personality, I have crippling social anxiety and I can't even talk to people in a super market to ask where a product is because that has led me to multiple panic attacks for some reason, don't ask questions, but once I am comfortable around someone that changes a lot. It takes quite a bit for me to get comfy, but once I am I'm like,,, too comfortable- Very loud, clingy, childish, over all just an asswipe. I enjoy making art and poetry and I can't make it through my day to day life without music or I'll just ascend. I have struggled with insecurity and mental issues, self-harm, etc, and have recently had a relapse episode in those things but I am too afraid to open up about that to most irl people, but things are going way better now.

On physical I am around 5,6 and I have a red wolfcut-ish thing. I enjoy baggy or anything more gothic or witch or 80s esc for clothing, and my music taste is practically everything and everything accept k-pop and dutch rap. I enjoy romance novels because I miss out on that too much irl and I enjoy horror because that's just entertaining, idk.

just random other things I thought I'd include would be I am a cardiophile, but more on the comfort and not fetish side of it. I enjoy doing hair, or playing with it, and I do that a lot to my friends when we're just chilling because it's funny. I enjoy singing and acting like I am in some sort of musical when I'm alone and I love nature, just going on walks or collecting plants. I practice witch craft, also more on the nature side of things in that way. I have volunteered multiple times at events for little children even though I hate them, it's the art side of things and I enjoyed face painting them for Halloween events or carnival things. I collect a lot of little trinkets and like giving people stupid stuff as un needed gifts and I WILL get personally offended if you do not cherish them.

There we go love goodluck<3

Your match is... Copia!

He understands what it's like to have social anxiety and he is really supportive about it. You both help each other to deal with it.

He sees you reading romance novels (which I'm pretty sure is a genre he reads too) and realises you want to expereince that. So when he is not on tour, he tries to take you out for a romantic date or do some kind of gesture whenever he can.

He loves watching movies with you, but if it’s a horror one he’ll probably jump into yo ur arms.

He's really happy that the sound of his heartbeat is comforts you. He’ll stroke your hair and smile as you curl up against him your head resting on his chest.

He loves walks with you, it gives him time away from being Papa and all the stress of the ministry. He also loves how happy you are when you get a new plant. However sometimes he has to plan a route that avoids the nursery section of Primo's garden, because you only have so much room for plants.

You two make a good team. One good example is at clergy events when you do facepainting for the children. Even though he is awkward when children are around he likes them. So you can focus on the art and not have to intereact much with them and he gets to spend time with the little ones.

One day he catches you singing and acting like you are in a musical. At first you are mortified, but then you see the huge loving smile that appears in his lips. He starts singing the other part of the song dramtically jumping up on the table and acting in character. This is now one of your favrouite things to do together, especially when it's raining outside.

He cherishes all the little gifts you give him. You become afraid he just chucks them away because you never see them again. But then you see him carefully place it in a wooden box he keeps under the bed. It's the one he takes on tour with him, filled with things to cheer him up if he feels down or misses you.

#ask #anon #ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #ghost band x reader #ghost x reader #copias fluffy asscheeks #copia #cardinal copia x reader #cardinal copia #papa emeritus IV #Match up event #Match up

[equestriagirl16]

I think something very interesting I’ve seen Twst fans(myself included) have been noticing a lot more lately is like, the true nature of the characters and their environments.

Like a lot of the characters are cool and even good people. Sometimes, however, it sets in again that they are supposed to be based on villains of the Disney franchise. If not directly related to them within canon. So characters, from NRC specifically, tend to be more morally ambiguous in their ways and even have some darker pasts revealed. That I’ve personally sometimes forgot to take into consideration.

Again, a lot of these story elements are very much products of their environment. Despite the whole villain thing being more of a generational archetype in my opinion, a lot of the characters still very much grew up with them. Like in comparison to RSA, where they have more of a goody goody vibe. NRC is the flip flop to that, more than just aesthically.

It makes a lot of the characters not only very sympathetic when their struggles come into play, relatable/angsty when you realize not everything’s black and white. But you’ll also encounter the occasion when you’re kinda forced to realize like “Woah you aren’t actually the greatest person.” Less in a ‘completely irredeemable’ way, but more so in a ‘you’ve made mistakes and choices in the past that I don’t agree with’ kinda way. Very reminiscent of how obey me characters are written. Which personally, I like because they end up feeling more fleshed out and complex because of this.

At the end of the day sometimes you’re just reminded that the main characters in Twst are still very much based on, or closely related to villains. However, I really like how they’re written because instead of making it a straight segway into evil and angst city. They’re written to just be…people. People who grew up around these things but still make their own choices and are their own person. And for those who have no choice but to fall into the archetype it’s so cool seeing how they interact, and possibly grow/develop moving forward with your help and others. Even with the relapses in behavior and bad habits they may still have.

The whole culture, fantasy, humor, and world building of it all is just super interesting and it’s why I fell so hard for the series in the first place. It may be based on a preexisting franchise, but the way the concept and everything in between is handled is just such a treat.

Edit: (Possible spoilers‼️This may or may not be in reference to the Halloween event, and the discussion surrounding it recently. Idk it’s just like to me I see both sides of the coin. Like yes, the characters based on villains that also happen to reside in a related setting obviously may do questionable things. However, I also understand the notion of not wanting people to be ignorant to that and just fully accept what has been done. A lot of people, including myself, are very much in the neutral ground where we accept what went down, realize the flaws, and move forward with that. I’d rather have a flawed character than a spotless and perfect one, cause at least then they have room to grow and interchange as the story does the same. Which is something we can only hope for as more chapters roll out.)

#like Mal is way nicer than I thought he’d be #I just also think he’s a bit socially inept which isn’t an excuse but it’s an explanation #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #twst #disney twst #twst disney #twst headcanons #twst scenarios #twst imagines #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #camiposts

[amoneki-ramblings]

Hi! Hope you're well and I'm not bothering you, fellow Amoneki fan here! I read 'Tokyo Ghoul' long ago, dropped ':Re' midway through (got spoilt since), but recently had a SEVERE Amoneki relapse (I don't know WHY, it's been almost a decade; but this ship is still so good actually). So I just wanted to let you know: I am extremely grateful for your blog, I feel less silly for my hyperfixation now. Might ramble more about them later in your inbox if that's okay with you. Either way, thank you!

(Sorry for the late response Tumblr tried to eat the notif for this ask but it didn't get past me LMAO)

Also LOL You and Me anon we have the same tg experience (to be fair I Do plan to finish :re I've just been focusing more on school lately and I've had to put my fixation on the backburner :') )

BUT YEAHHHHH I'm so glad you decided to drop by, it's kind of heartwarming to think that even after almost a decade you'd return to this ship (like, even though I missed the majority of the fandom by Quite a Few Years there's still people out there that are insane for the same things I am :))) I just think that's kinda Cool ) Honestly when I first started this blog I myself felt super silly and embarrassed for my hyperfixation but since having such nice interactions from the fandom I've learned that I can simply ramble to my heart's content actually, which is super neat 👍👍👍

That said IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO RAMBLE ABOUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEAAAAASE DO THEY'RE SO INTERESTING TO ME AND I LOVE DISCUSSION AND I LOVE INTERACTION (and I love asks :)c) ((not to mention, with said "putting interests on the backburner" I haven't been having a lot of time for any Profound Amoneki Thoughts, so I'd love to hear yours <33)

#asks #txt #amoneki ramblings #kinda #every now and then i see people spam like/reblog my stuff #and im like YES. YES JOIN US. JOIN THE CLUB #WE HAVE HORRIFYINGLY LONG ANALYSIS POSTS ABOUT THE SAME TWO GUYS #same for when people ramble in their reblog tags i cant respond to them All #BUT I LOVE THEM SM PEOPLE HAVD SUCH PROFPUND THOUGHTS #Cringe is dead be free be silly and ramble :))

[stardusted-hearts]

[ooc]

How do you do fellow humanoids?

Hello to new followers and peeps I've recently followed! Just wanted to pop in and let you know that I'm still kinda on hiatus here. I burned out (within a burn out) super hard and I don't think I'm ready to pick up the reigns of tumblr again yet.

For now I am discord exclusive, and I honestly have no clue when or if I'll manage to get back into activity here. Right now it's much better for me to focus on things within discord, while the rest of my attention goes toward art, chill gaming, and trying to find work. I just... can not keep up with things here.

Now I'm not saying never, but again I just honestly have no idea. Could be tomorrow, could be six months, could be never. But I don't wanna leave anyone in the dark, and I really appreciate all my followers and mutuals, new and old.

I've been having a blast on tumblr via various blogs since about 2012. It's been an amazing ride, but within the past year or two real life for me has just gone completely haywire and my mental health has tanked to a new low.

I truly believe I'm on the recovering end of it now, but there's still a lot of stressors at play, and I have frequent relapse days. I'm hopeful for this year and excited to delve further into art again, especially my Sonic AUs and even a completely original project of mine. I'm also trying to pick up animation again!

Thank you to everyone who has RP'd with me and made friends with me, I love you all so much, and I hope I can return to this blog and tumblr RP in general soon!

I have some new muses, as well as re-surging old muses, that I would love to bring to life here. For now, they're bound to discord and the corners of my mind lol

I hope you're all doing well <3 Stay safe out there and catch ya later!

#ooc #I do still pop in and check notifs and lurk around now and then!

[gl1tt3ryb0n3zzz]

Im 6 weeks clean

I feel so empty. This week has been pretty rough the 5u1c1d4l thoughts have been crazy recently but yeah im managing somehow

I dont know how to get descriptive i just feel shit.

Anywayz i wanna relapse so soo so so so so soooo bad but i cant and ive come to the realisation that i have absolutely no way of coping with this, all i can do is starve. It really is all i have control over at this point

My apetite is growing smaller and smaller. Even when i am super hungry i get fully so easily so yeaahhhh…

The starvation is making an epicc comeback 💪💪

#tw bdd #vent #4norexla #@na vent #$h tumblr #$hblr #$elf h4rm #$elf harm #tw sh in tags #tw s3lf harm #sewer slide #sewersidal #i wanna kms #i wanna die #i dont want to be here #i dont want to exist #i wanna d1e #tw sh implied #i dont wanna eat #i wanna be weightless

[kenmacals]

Looking For ana coach!

૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

Hi :) i recently relapsed after attempting recovery last year, and when i was at my lw i had a ana coach which was super helpful so now that I’ve relapsed im looking for one again ^^!!

Some info abt me

5’3 + 127lbs (bmi 22.5)

15yrs old

AFAB but prefer he/him (and it sometimes..)

I prefer to use discord as i do not have notifs turned on for tumblr, so i would give u that when we start to talk!

#tw ed but not sheeran #4n4blr #4n4tips #4n4coach #ana c0ach #4n4rexia #4norexla #4n4m1a #starv1ng #starv3 #ana buddie #tw ed descussion

[icharchivist]

tmi mental stuff + ff7 (og) spoilers under the cut but also something happened that is both funny but also maybe kinda sad and well

i've recently been back to therapy because well *waves at stuff* and it means i have weekly appointments which makes a lot of things return to the surface, so, lots of things to discuss and all

but well, today i realized i kinda needed to talk about my ex-gf because it's undeniable this whole fiasco of a relationship impacted the way i trust people and stuff even if i mostly made my peace with all of this.

but the thing is that if i talk about her it means i have to lowkey make a coming out since i can't use neutral gender language in french, and i wouldn't know how my therapist feels about that until i dropped it, so i ended up kinda getting lost in my own head about how to address her

which means i wasn't exactly focusing on the rest of my wording when i said "in a sense she kinda made me her puppet" and it's only once the words were out that i stood there, freezing, trying not to fucking laugh on the spot because damn the Cloud kinnie jumped out (derogatory)

(for the record the therapist was perfectly fine with it so i stressed out for nothing but also lma-fucking-o)

and ironically the whole thing is that the whole reason i made my peace with all of this is a large part because of my 2015 ff7 relapse, because i really connected a lot about Cloud's relationship with Sephiroth like "wow just like my ex (derogatory)", and therefore i managed to heal a lot to an extend, even if there's definitely stuff that are still there considering how i still was a mess after rewatching AC. (and like to be fair there's more to it than just my ex, but this specific aspect hit hard and helped a lot)

but god the fact it's the "puppet" thing that came out just naturally is driving me insane. super normal stuff.

I hasn't even got to think about this plotline a lot since i came back to it, and i genuinely don't know if it might be just being reviving the remake that put back this concept in my head or something

but it genuinely made me want to laugh to see how, by projecting so hard on Cloud in the way back, i managed to get this specific type of language to describe this stuff

anyway, fun. who knew the kinnie would jump out to help in therapy.

also since i have the ff7 spoilers disclaimer just dropping it here but unrelated, i was gifted a book about the making of ff7 og recently and i shuffled into it the other day and it hit me in the face with that one quote i totally forgot about despite loving it so much it was my blog title then, "but i'm just Cloud, master of my own illusionary world".

what a guy to project on.

#ichapersonal #ichatalks #anyway that's my cue to go back playing ciao

[foreverinadais]

I’m in love with your blog and I want to ask another HC 😭 something with eating disorder recovery, ive recently had a relapse and im back on track but I had to do it alone and I would love some support. It doesn’t have to be super dramatic or graffic I’d just like some comfort 😭😭😭

Thank you for the kind words and the request! I'm so proud of you for getting back on track, and i hope this provides you with any comfort that will help ❤️

TW: themes of ED's- nothing specific or explicit, more in relation to the request itself, sensitive topic, comfort

~~~

“Hey, lovie,” Steven’s voice broke you from your thoughts, a soft contrast to the demons rising in your head.

“Oh, hi!” Too enthusiastic. It was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially to the others. But you wouldn’t tell them it was getting bad again, you couldn’t.

And you didn’t have too.

He could see it in your eyes, that slight blur that wasn’t quite you. He could sense it in your tone, an ounce to loud, to cheery. He knew. Steven could practically read the voices in your head better than you could yourself; they all could.

Rather than saying anything, Steven came over to where you were sat on the sofa, placing a kiss to your forehead. You offered a smile which didn’t reach your eyes. It was getting harder to pretend, harder to keep the overpowering thoughts down. “Y/n,” his voice broke through the silence, and suddenly, he was crouched in front of you, taking your hands in his own. “You don’t have to do this alone, yeah? And you don’t have to pretend to be alright when you aren’t.”

You sighed, going to bullshit an answer when the emotions overtook you. Steven didn’t waste a second as he sat next to you, taking you into his arms, stroking your back comfortingly. “Oh, darling, I’m here, ‘s alright, let it all out, there ya go.”

 “I don’t want to burden you.” You got through sobs, clutching onto the back of his jacket. Steven tutted, pulling you back slightly to look in your eyes, stroking every inch of your face with his hands.

“Don’t be silly. You could never do that, it’s simply impossible. I’m here to help, whatever way that is. Even if that’s just sitting in a corner and grinning like a fool in love.” You chuckled, closing your eyes slightly and resting your forehead against his own.

“Thank you, Steven.” You whispered, and he didn’t need anything more, didn’t need you to suddenly be okay, didn’t need a huge display of love.

He knew all that you had gone through. He knew your scars, the journey that created them- and he vowed to always protect you. Of course, he couldn’t protect you against your own brain, your thoughts, your internal battles. But he would be there for you, hand outstretched.

He couldn’t stop the storm, but he could be the umbrella, holding you through it as if that was his sole purpose in life.

“Now, it’s a wonderful day out. Why don’t we go for a walk? Take some bread, feed the ducks? Of course, we can do anything you want, up to you, my love.” You nodded, reaching out a hand to squeeze his.

“That sounds lovely.” Steve brought your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on the palm, then each of your fingers, making you chuckle.

“And if and when you’re ready, we can try again, yeah?” You smiled at him, feeling a new sense of strength at his words, his comfort.

You knew the journey was long and hard. You knew there would be ups and downs. There always was. But you also knew you had him, them, all of them. And they loved you for all that you were, listened to all you had faced.

And whilst they couldn’t take that away, they would always hold your hand, stand with you in the face of adversity, always ready to catch you when you were falling. And in their words, you felt comfort. In their arms, you felt safe. And you knew that you would be strong enough again, like you also were, with them, forever.

#stevengrant #steven grant x reader #steven grant fluff #moon knight fanfic #moon knight imagine

[imreallynotokaybutimtrying]

well

since ive realised im not going to matchbox 20 next week without an undershirt anyway for upper arms

and i need to relapse so bad rn the withdrawal is hitting so bad i tried to paint instead on myself *went terribly bc i cant clean up* uhh but yea

i need to so 🤙 dont feel as guilty and i can at least tell my partner i tried

theyve actually been super understanding recently it's nice

also! got my hair dyed blue and went to my uni orientation so 💪💪💪

yes ik im about to sh but well still look at positives despite being unable to fight my body jfbdkf

[hollyhomburg]

Ur so skintyyy I’m jealous😭😕

i've been overweight my whole life until the last year <3 i've worked really hard (admittedly, not always in healthy ways but still) to loose 35-40 lbs and i'm finally starting to feel comfy in my body so 🥺 thank you <3

i have some perspective on weight loss now; maybe this is the ask to share them. it's crazy because the thing that they say like "muscle weighs more than fat" is 100% accurate and i didn't realize it till recently.

i've pingpong in my ed recovery like so much over the last few months because even though i've been working out 1-2 hours every day 5-6 times a week my weight wasn't changing. even when i was only eating like 1/4th of what i should i wasn't losing anything.

measuring my progress is really hard since i try not to take before and after photos often cuz i know i don't see myself accurately in the mirror or in photos at all. Because the times that i relapse it's usually because of that and stress.

but i do take super accurate measurements of myself and that's probably been the most helpful. but i haven't taken my measurements since like september because i knew i had the potential to trigger a relapse but i did and even though my weight hasn't changed one bit on the scale i am consistently 3 inches shrunk in circumference around my whole body! and like 5 inches around my rib cage! which is! so much progress! it's not all about weight at all!

i feel really healthy and really capable and i feel like that gives me a lot of satisfaction outside of how i look. watching jk box right now is making me want to!!! do my silly little pushups!!!! and leg lifts!!!! and eat my little protein powders!!!! i can be an exercise bunny too 😠 i'm gonna be the best at giving hugs <3

[getrektfools]

vent, kind of fatshaming, super long

so there are now TWO morbidly obese members of my family I'm aware of who have prescribed wegovy or ozempic. you can ONLY be prescribed these drugs once you are clinically obese. obviously they need the help but please explain to me why my brother - unemployed, literally sits on the couch playing video games all day (10+ hours a day!!!) gets to just get a shot to melt the weight off. when i hit the overweight threshold and wanted to stop gaining/drop back into a normal weight, all i get told is to monitor my calories more closely. the weight gain already had me flirting with relapse, then i find out the heaviest in my family are getting drugs thrown at them to drop weight and I'm being told "just keep an eye on your calorie count". The guy you just prescribed weight loss drugs to? He ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG OF CHIPS on top of his actual meals!! Plus ice cream before bed! All in the same day!! Only got up to go from couch to bathroom or couch to kitchen. But I, 3 lbs overweight, runner, regular gym goer, recently recovered anorexic, better just work harder.

when my mom told me her doctor was starting her on ozempic I said "god i wish i could get on it just long enough to lose 8 pounds or so" and she tells me "oh there are other things you should try first" so why don't these obese fucks try those other things? like you weren't screaming yelling at me in the hospital because you were so angry at me for doing this to myself. i am extremely capable of those "other things." I am probably TOO capable of those "other things." Those "other things" are addictive to me.

during this conversation, she's eating a double serving of fruit dumplings with literally a quarter cup of sugar in her coffee. two or three cups every morning. she could just swap for diet sweetener and cut out 400-600 cals a day! a pound a week in just the sugar in her morning coffee!!! when she visits me she just sits on my couch watching movies. i'll plan activities but inevitably it's too hot out, too windy out, too far away. can't we just order in from that restaurant she likes and rent a movie? there's an awesome park with several restaurants .8 mile from my house, i like to walk there and pick up lunch from a restaurant and picnic by the pond when weather and schedule allow. can't do that with my mom, she gets completely out of breath and her knees hurt. we have to drive. not even a mile and we have to drive. shared fitbit data with my sister for a while (also fat but nowhere near mom or baby brother), and she was averaging only 800 steps a day! a day!

obviously its better for society at large to have fitter citizenry, and i want my family to be healthier, but. feels like they are being rewarded for their absolute lack of self control. Eat yourself into three of you? Here's a shot to burn fat. Can't expect you to put down the chips! Meanwhile the rest of us who have actually exercised self control (too much self control in ana/mia cases) throughout our lives get told "no shortcuts! work harder! you don't get help!"

i know it isn't rational but this is how i feel. i am glad they are getting medical support to lose weight, because i want them to be around for a long time. i want to be able to walk to the park with my family. i want them to have the energy and ability to do things beside sit on the couch. i want them to be able to play volleyball with me or actually SWIM when we go to the beach. I want them to be able to take their dogs on regular, good length walks!

also obviously i am tempted to try and steal few pens of the wegovy but i won't do that to him. i can lose weight on my own. but god is it tempting. he's almost definitely not going to follow any diet recommended or increase his activity level, so its kind of like, a waste of perfectly useful medication isn't it? maybe he'll surprise me. maybe this is the boost he needs to start taking care of himself a little better. small changes add up, after all.

in a sick way this is motivating me to push myself even harder - lose more weight , faster. prove i don't need it.

[fuck-customers]

tw for brief mention of self harm and suicidal ideation

fuck creepy customers.

it is not required to wear a name tag at my store, or at least it wasn't when we switched banner names a couple years ago. I quit for a while to do my student teaching and then had to come back to pay the bills after until I can get a teaching position) and no one gave me a name tag but some of the other staff wear them.

this regular who i never paid much attention to recently has been getting unsettling. i was away for a few weeks covering shifts at another store and when i was back at my main store, he comments that he hasn't seen me in a while. which was startling only in that i didn't recognize him, I've had similar conversations with other regulars that are less creepy. I didn't say where I had been just 'yeah it's been a while'. so then he gets this weird smile (because of course he isn't wearing a mask) and asks if he is ever going to get to know what my name is. no one else ever asks that, not one regular has ever asked and its no ones business. I was again caught of guard and debated between lying and giving a fake name or giving him a common nickname for my name. I decided on the nickname because I wasn't interested in what would happen if he came back later and somehow found out it was a fake name. so then he told me his name and kept his weird smirk and left. I don't even use my first name on social media so hopefully if he is that creepy he won't find me. i am tempted to try and find him first to block him, just in case.

then he comes back the next day, I almost got to the back in time to get my coworker to cover till but sadly he saw me first. That meant I was then subjected to a story about how sweaty his balls are because he has been working outside. I wanted to throw up in my mask. But instead I just tried not to look at him directly and just rush through the transaction. He leaves saying "see you tomorrow". I already hate this job so much, it makes me want to relapse into self harm and sometimes causes suicidal ideation. Knowing now that I will probably have to see this guy every shift is making me feel even worse about it all. Because you just don't ever know how bad these creeps could end up being. And my coworker is rarely on the sales floor to help or let me just escape to the back quickly when he comes in without it being super obvious I am avoiding him. Who thinks its appropriate to tell a stranger just trying to do their job about their sweaty nut sack? I don't want to deal with this and I don't have the energy to do it either. I dread every shift more than ever when there is creeps around. It's happened in the past too and each time its fucking awful.

[anselll]

didn't expect to make it this far but now that im here idrk what to do except relapse lolol.

when im hungry i just make a cup of tea to drink instead and now i get to experiment with blending my own tea, im getting pretty adept at it i think. jasmine and honeysuckle is good for sweet cravings

ahhh i feel like ive been gone for so long and i don't know any of the new tags haha. anyways im feeling super hyped to get back into the groove after so long.

I've put on a bit of muscle since i last was serious about restricting and i'm not keen to lose it, so instead of measuring myself with a scale (muscle weighs more than fat so targeting both muscle & fat would be quickest way for me to make the silly little number go down and i dont want that) i'm just gonna go off of my appearance. i wanna get hot for summer! i even got a bellybutton piercing recently, and i do like how it looks already, i think it could look even better if my stomach were flatter. my arms are kinda pudgy, and while building muscle under has helped define them, i could tighten them up yknow? my legs are the same. theres a lot i wanna optimize about myself.

ive grown and learned a lot since last i was in a headspace like this. learned a lot about myself, the world, everything. my view on bodies and identity changed, everything kind of fell into place. my body is a series of mechanisms and vessels that i can control through what i feed it, yknow?

#ftm ana #male ed #malespii #4norex1a #4n4m1a #4n4rexia #notprojustusehashtags #ed not sheeren #edbllr #tw ed relapse #tw ed in the tags #trans ana #male ana