#but my fear there is that a) ppl will ask who dean is

[littlespacereader]

Hello again!!

❗Tw: mention of diapers & accidents❗

I also have to wear diapers for medical reasons (stool incontinent bc of a birth defect) and I too view Nappies as a comfort item in my regression!

I think it's really cool of you to help others bring comfort to wearing diapers and "embarrassing" situations like accidents.

As someone who has to deal with accidents at least twice a week, that really means a lot!

So, I would love a story where a little one has an accident, in a public place/ event and their cg makes an "escape plan", like in an action movie, that helps the little one to feel less ashamed. Saying things like: "Okay, we have to secure the diaper bag, before entering the restroom, is sergeant Teddie equipped for the heist?" They make a game out of it, showing the little one that even in uncomfortable or embarrassing situations, one can have fun.

I'd also really like a scene of comfort, where the little one feels bad for "being yucky" and their cg assuring them that they are not. (It's something I struggle with a lot bc of my condition)

It's up to you to decide what kind of accident you decide the little one to have, whatever you're comfortable with! (I know many ppl find "No. 2 accidents" really triggering, so I completely understand if you don't want to write about that)

Feel free to use any of the pairings I listed in this ask of mine!

Ps. I forgot to mention that I'm uncomfortable with the terms M*mmy and D*ddy in the other ask, so I'm putting it here!

Thanks for reading, have a great day/ night!

For starters let me say how near and dear this request is to my heart. I can relate whole heartily to this. As someone who also uses diapers both as a medical necessity and as a comfort item to my regression this request hits home. So this ask really warms my heart. Thank you for being so open with this request @dino-boyo-agere 💞

It’s extremely embarrassing difficult having an accident in public. Age Regression isn’t a widely known thing and the fear of someone taking it for something like a kink is common. Plenty of insecurity and disgust runs through us when accident happen. Why I’m so adamant about writing these scenarios is to shed a light to those who don’t know and more importantly to show Littles alike that it’s okay. You’re regression is your own. Wearing diapers or not doesn’t make you more or less of a Regressor. Wearing and using diapers is okay! You’re perfectly valid and I’m here for you as a fellow Little who wear diapers herself. Accident happen but it doesn’t make you gross. You’re a beautiful Regressor, padded or not💞💞💞

With that little affirmation of love to my fellow padded Regressors please enjoy this fic💞

Thank you for this brilliant idea and for all the different pairings. I decided to go with Caregiver! Dean Winchester & Little! Sam Winchester! But I love the idea of a Caregiver being an older brother to their little brother Little so this immediately struck my heart!

I will be doing this fic as a number 2 accident which will be implied and not detailed in anyway in this story. I understand that it makes some uncomfortable so I understand if this fic is not for you. While it will be sfw in my eyes I can understand why it wouldn’t for others so hence there is no sfw tag added. With that I hope enjoy this fic!!💞

The Undercover Mission at the Fair

Caregiver! Dean Winchester & Little! Sam Winchester

Tags: diapers, accident, pacifier, stuffed animal moose

Nicknames: Sammy, buddy, kiddo, little one,

Sam and Dean arrived to a small town in Idaho hearing stories of a ghost killing those who walked home at night. Seemed simple enough for the brothers. But upon arriving, it was getting hard for Sam to keep a clear head and not regress.

Since arriving there were posters everywhere for the county fair. They had never been to a fair before! And this one was going to have rides, carnival games and as much junk food as a Little could want! The pictures looked so exciting!

The posters were in the police station, the hotel, the diner, EVERYWHERE! Sam, despite his best efforts was finding it difficult not to regress immediately. How could he resist?! It looked like so much fun!! And hey, maybe he took a poster on the way out of the police station to show Dean later…just maybe…

Regression was something Sam kept hidden from everyone for years. I mean how could he possibly tell someone like his father that he needed to regress every now and then.

No, never. He kept it to himself… College had been a God sent to Sam. There he was able to regress whenever he felt like it. He had stuffies, toys, diapers and even a pacifier all for himself. It was heaven on earth.

That was until Dean showed up on his dorms door step saying Dad was missing. Going back to his old hunter lifestyle and not regressing was a horrible combo. Shared motel rooms with Dean meant no privacy, which lead to disaster.

A nightmare in the middle of the night caused Sam to not only regress but wet the bed as well. But Dean was right there by his side to help him through it all. He didn’t question anything at all, not the diapers in his bag, not the stuffed moose he clung to and certainly not the pacifier he immediately gave Sam.

No, Dean stepped up like he had Sam’s whole life. He comforted him and helped him back to sleep eventually. After that day Dean became Sam’s Caregiver, making sure his little brother was always safe and comfortable when he regressed.

Fast forward to the present, in privacy of their hotel room Sam started to regress. The case dragged on today. Between talking to the police, to research at the local library, to interviewing victims families, Sam needed a break.

He grabbed his moose stuffie, got changed into a diaper and sat on the bed with his pacifier while watching tv. Suddenly an ad for the fair popped on and reminded him!

“Dean!” Sam said, pacifier dropping from his mouth as he rushed over to his suit jacket to grab the poster from his pocket.

“Yeah Sammy?” Dean was just walking out of the bathroom when Sam thrusted the poster into Dean’s hands.

“They’re having a fair here this weekend! See!” He pointed to the poster.

“Yeah I saw these posters around the town. What about it?”

Sam paused, “We have to go! When will we ever get this opportunity again?”

Dean smiled. As much as brother tried to keep his regression in the downlow this whole case, his careful Caregiver eyes spotted it right away. So it was no shocker to Dean when Sam brought him this carnival poster and asked if they could go.

“Sammy we’re in the middle of a case.” Dean tried to reason.

But Sam crossed his arms, “You’re the one who always says it can’t always be about hunts and that we need to take time for ourselves. Well this is time for ourselves!”

As much as Dean hated to admit it, Sam was right. He hasn’t regressed in a while which wasn’t health for him and Dean hasn’t had a break away from a hunt in a while. Maybe this fair was meant to be for them.

“You make a good point buddy,” Dean sat down on the motel bed and patted the spot next to him for Sam.

Despite being taller than his brother, Sam sat down and leaned forward to rest his head on his brother’s shoulder.

“So…can we go?” Sam asked again, giving his best puppy dog eyes.

Dean laughed, “Alright we can go.”

Before Dean could continue what he was saying Sam immediately jumped from the bed and was practically jumping around the room.

“Yes!!! Fair!!! Thank you thank you thank you Dean!! We’re gonna have so much fun!”

Dean smiled seeing Sammy’s excitement. He was going to add that they would go after the case was finished but he didn’t have the heart. Plus this case seemed to wrapping up soon anyway, why ruin the fun?

County fairs weren’t really something Dean and Sam got to experience when they were kids. Sure, there were plenty of times they arrived at a town with the fair happening. But John was so focused on whatever hunt he was on that by the time he had dealt with it, the fair had packed up leaving two disappointing Winchesters.

It’s no wonder Sam regresses with their interesting childhood… But Dean never minded Sam’s regression. Infact he encouraged Sam to regress when he was particularly stressed. Sam’s regression did as much healing for Dean as it did for Sam.

So, after a couple of days of dealing with this nighttime ghost, they arrived at the county fair. It was everything Sam had always dreamed it could be! They had tons of snacks! Crazy rides! And amazing prizes to be won! He didn’t know where to go first?!

Dean could see the wonder in Sam’s eyes. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Where first Sammy? You lead the way.”

Where first indeed.

Dean followed Sam’s lead, walking behind the tall little with his backpack on. Inside was everything he would need as a Caregiver. Sam’s stuffed moose, extra change of clothes, diapers and supplies and his pacifier. He prided himself on being prepared for anything both as a hunter and as a Caregiver.

Sam insisted they start off with rides! The first one spun around so fast that they couldn’t even stand up. Sam was giggling the whole time but looking over at Dean showed he was not having a great time.

After that the two made their way to the “haunted house.” It was honestly laughable going through the haunted house with what the both of them face on the daily. But it didn’t stop Sam was grabbing Dean’s hand as they made their way through the house.

Despite towering over his big brother, he always felt safer when Dean was holding his hand and leading the way.

They hopped ride after ride after ride, and in between eating some junky snacks and candy the fair had to offer. Finally after a little while Dean made the executive decision to grab something sustainable to eat and sit down for a moment.

They found a nice table to themselves and set their belongings down. Sam needed a bit of a break after the constant running around they did his morning. So a nice shaded table was perfect. Plus he wasn’t used to eating so much junk, so getting something a little bit healthier would be better for the two of them.

“Alright Sammy, I’ll grab us something to eat. You stay here and relax a bit. Okay? Don’t leave this table.”

Sam just nodded, focused on a clown that had walked past a couple of minutes ago. His stomach twinged a bit in pain. “D-Dean…”

Dean stopped a step away from the table. He turned around, “Yeah?”

“I think I’ll come with you instead.” He grabbed Dean’s backpack and jumped up to join him. The sudden movement caused his stomach to hurt again.

Dean looked in the direction Sam was just looking in. Something definitely spooked him since he went from his usual regressed happiness to anxious. Maybe it was that clown that’s been walking around? He took in the sight of his brother, one hand holding his stomach, the other gripping his backpack.

“Sammy, are you feeling okay?” Dean wasn’t sure if it was scared and holding himself or in pain.

“Yeah…yeah I’m fine.” Sam handed Dean his backpack back and followed his lead through the rows of food stands.

But his stomach hadn’t forgotten about him just yet. Another stabbing pain had him stopping in his tracks, holding his stomach and wincing. Maybe he could ask Dean for some medicine or to take him to the bathroom.

But when he looked up Dean was gone. Sam’s face went white as the ghost they just killed.

“Dean?” He looked around, “DEAN?!” He yelled. He was right next to him one second ago?! And now his tummy hurt and all he wanted was his brother, his caregiver, to make it all better.

Worst of all they were in public. He couldn’t have an accident with all these people around them?! There were crowds of people, or what felt like crowds, walking around him. He felt as though everyone’s eyes were on him, as if they all knew.

It was all so overwhelming. Tears started to sting the corner of his eyes as he wrapped both arms around his sore stomach.

“Sammy!”

Immediately Sam lifted his head and looked in the direction of Dean’s voice. There, only a couple feet away was Dean. Immediately Sam walked over and wrapped Dean into a hug, starting to crying into his shoulder.

Dean had only walked a few feet when he realized Sam was no longer behind him. He looked around for the tall Little but was blocked by a group of people. Once he made it away from them he could see Sam. He looked on the verge of a breakdown with his arms holding his stomach tightly and his head swiveling around to find Dean.

“It’s alright Sammy I’m here, I’m here buddy,” he rubbed Sam’s back soothingly.

When Sam all but launched himself into Dean’s arms, the Caregiver had a pretty good idea of what happened while the two were away. He sighed. He should’ve kept a closer eye on him, especially when he knew something was wrong. Especially when they haven’t been eating the healthiest today.

But now was not the time to regret anything. Right now he had to get him somewhere discreet enough to get changed. But he knew Sam would rather curl up into a ball than to start walking towards the bathrooms.

He needed to get Sam changed and he didn’t want him to be more embarrassed than he already was….a challenge indeed. But this is Dean we’re talking about, he always knows how to take good care of his little brother. That’s when an idea popped into his head.

Once Sam seemed to settle from crying Dean pulled away and wiped his tears away, “Its okay Sammy, it’s okay. I’m so sorry I lost you there for a second. Truth is…I was checking to see if we were being spied on.”

That started to peak Sam interest away from the accident or almost losing Dean. “Spied on?”

“That’s right Sammy. The intel I got this morning said that we might be spied on while at the fair here. Apparently they only send their top agents on a mission such as this one, which is why we were assigned to this job. Now Agent S, before we make our way to our mission’s checkpoint do we have the equipment we need?”

Sam started to get into the little game Dean was playing. A small smile started to appear on his face seeing Dean become over dramatic with their “secret mission”. He started to worry less about the accident and more about their game. “What equipment do we need?”

“Well we first need my backpack but I can’t find it anywhere! Have you seen it? Where could it have gone to?!” Dean said turning around to look for it when it was strapped to his back the entire time. Sam started giggling.

Dean turned around overly dramatic again, “Is something funny Agent S?”

“You’re wearing the backpack Agent D!”

“I’m- OH! Of course I am! There it is! Great job Agent S!” Dean praised, ruffling Sam’s hair a bit. “Now with our first item secured we only need one more thing before we make our way to the checkpoint, and that’s Agent M.”

Sam looked confused, “Agent M? Who’s Agent M?”

Dean opened the backpack and picked up Sam’s moose stuffed animal. “Agent M of course!”

Sam’s face started to blush a little. He didn’t normally walk around with Moosy in public. But he desperately wanted him right now.

Thankfully Dean had a quickly solution for that problem too, “But Agent M is really really undercover, so if anyone asks you where you got him, say you won him in a carnival game. That way we don’t blow his cover.” Dean winked.

It was the perfect excuse. There were plenty of people walking around with stuffed animals in hand from carnival games. He would fit in just fine with his moose. So with that Sam took his moose stuffie. He had to admit, having him close really started to help.

“Alright Agent S, Agent M, let’s go to the mission checkpoint,” Dean took Sam hand in his as they walked through the crowds to find a restroom.

Sam, despite being taller than Dean, stayed hidden behind him with every step they took. Anytime anyone walked even a little too close to the two of them Sam ducked his head near Dean.

Thankfully there was a restroom nearby. Dean smiled and squeezed Sam’s hand in his. “There we go Agent S! There’s our mission checkpoint. We made it! Are you and Agent M doing okay?”

But Dean could see despite their fun little game waking to the restroom, the toll of the accident was weighing heavily on Sam with every step he took.

He stopped and looked up at Dean fighting tears that threatened to spill, “It’s okay Dean. I can go in and get changed myself. I don’t want you to have to deal with this…with….a number 2.”

Sam went to grab the backpack from Dean’s shoulder but he immediately stopped him. “Wow wow wow, that is not happening. Do you think I wanted to be your Caregiver so I could do half the job and call it a day?”

Sam looked away. Tears started to roll down his eyes as he whispered, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this Dean. It’s gross, I’m gross.” At the admission, Sam started to cry a bit.

But Dean quietly swooped in. He pulled him in and held him in a tight hug for a moment. After he wiped the tears away, “Don’t you dare say that about yourself. You are not gross at all! It’s normal for little ones to have accident and you’re no different. I don’t have to deal with this, I want to Sammy. I’ve always been here for you and I’m not stopping now.”

He held his hand out for Sam to take again. “We have a mission to complete Agent. Not a solo mission, but a co-op mission. I can’t do it without you Agent S.”

Sam looked at Dean sincerely. He truly meant every word. Despite everything he never saw him differently, he still saw him as his little brother. So with a little hesitancy Sam took Dean’s hand in his own.

“After this I say we give you a little bit of medicine, rest a little whole and then take on a few carnival games. What do you think?”

Sam just nodded, still repeating what Dean had said to him in his head. After a moment he spoke again.

“I’m not gross?” Sam asked softly.

“Nope, never.” Dean replied, as they started walking into the bathroom. “The only way you would be gross is if you started saying Smart cars were cooler than Baby.”

Sam smiled. “What?! Why would I think Smart cars were cooler than the Impala?”

“I don’t know. But if you started saying that it was cooler than the Impala, well I’d have to disown you and call you gross.” Dean playfully shrugged.

Sam laughed. “I don’t think I can fit in a Smart car.”

Dean laughed as well. “I don’t think you can either.”

The two laughed as the entered the bathroom. After a quick changed followed by a bit of comfort, the accident was long and forgotten. The day went on uninterrupted after that with Dean winning Sam prizes at the fair and the two ending the night watching the fireworks display.

The fair had been everything they always dreamed it would be.

#age regression #age regressor #agere #agere little #little space #age regression fic #padded agere #padded regressor #padded #caregiver!dean winchester #little!sam winchester #little blog #padded little #supernatural #supernatural fic

[buckleydiazmp4]

I'm not the original anon who asked about 911 but I am also curious about the Buddie situation? can you tell me abt them?

oh hi!

well here goes my attempt to explain.. them?? i guess?

(decided to put it under the cut bc it's long and i don't wanna disrupt anybody's dash)

i don't know where you stand in terms of supernatural/destiel, but since the last anon asked me abt buddie v destiel in terms of queerbait then i'll take that as a point of comparison

destiel was indeed the main queerbaiting method used by the cw to promote spn. they knew that most of the audience had been watching the show thanks to cas and dean's chemistry and wanted them to be together. however, for many reasons, mainly homophobia or probably chain of command etc etc, they were never gonna make them explicitly canon. so instead they kept.. "amping up"??? the chemistry and the romantic subtext between them enough to keep the audience engaged but keeping plausible deniability. obviously after the last season and the whole bury your gays where they killed off cas, ppl were angry. it was and still is a whole thing bc honestly the cw sucks.

tl:dr #1, destiel was queerbait and ppl who watched spn are now in fear of living through it again when watching other shows

anyways, onto buddie.

ppl who haven't watched 911 but see a lot of buddie content fear that the show is basically doing the same thing, adding little details and subtext between buck and eddie to engage queer viewers or buddie shippers in general and thus have a bigger audience.

what i don't know, but i think is pretty subjective, is if the previous anon would have 911 ruined for them if they started watching, shipping buddie, and then they never got together explicitly in the show.

911 is currently still running and imo there is definitely some amazing chemistry between buck and eddie, not to mention a romantic relationship between them would make total sense.

SPOILERS AHEAD! SKIP THIS PART IF YOU WANT

buck and eddie are pretty much the closest friendship in the show, veering strongly into romantic territory. buck has had a string of catastrophic relationships with women throughout the show, and it's always implied that they don't work because buck needs someone who really knows him, loves him and wants to commit to a serious relationship with him. (eg, a best friend or someone to form a family with).

this particular struggle of buck's is easy to parallel with his relationship with eddie, who has his own relationship problems (including a wife who he separated from, tried to get back together with, and then she died), since he hasn't had any stable love interests.

a crucial part in all of this is christopher, who is of course the person who eddie loves and cares for above all else. chris has had a big say on the way eddie's relationships turn out, because loving eddie means loving chris.

guess who loves chris with his whole heart and is pretty much a second parental figure to him? buck.

between that and the outrageous life-or-death (or psychological distress) situations they have lived through together, there's an unbreakable bond between them. they confide and rely on each other in nearly every aspect of their lives, both during good and bad times.

SPOILERS OVER!

i personally have fun and adore buck and eddie's relationship as it is currently, and yeah, i'd love for them to be canon as much as the next person. but i'd also be okay if they continued to give us the same buddie dynamic we have right now.

there are a lot of meaningful moments and scenes that basically reaffirm how truly close they are even outside the plot they show us on screen. i love that because it's like they're giving us little blank spaces to fill up with headcanons and fics and gifsets and that is so fun!!

but certain ppl are more adamant in their desire to see their relationship develop romantically on-screen. despite not being one of those people, i get why they want that and i sincerely hope they get it!!

but if it doesn't happen, i'll still happily watch the buck and eddie we've been given and cherish all of their interactions. that and of course as i said in the previous ask, i love 911 for a LOT more reasons than just buddie.

tl;dr #2, buddie isn't canon, whether or not it's queerbait depends on who's watching and how they're watching, but 911 is still worth it as a whole.

#whew... this post ended up being much longer than i expected #anyways if anyone reads this essay-level answer to the end then hi! thanks for putting up with me and my obsessions lol #and i hope more ppl start watching 911 because it truly is wonderful. buddie aside even though i adore them #anon #sara answers #911 #buddie

[closedrop]

I just remembered the weirdest shit-

I went to this restaurant this one time bc they have such good ass cinnamon rolls and I was with my family +my friend and when I went to school the next Monday the school’s dean (who always greets ppl at the door n checks for IDs n shit ASKED ME “Enjoy your cinnamon roll?” HE SAW ME HE FUCKING SAW ME and I know this how? He said “I’d recognize that hat anywhere.” After asking that 💀

Now I live in constant fear I’m going to run into my school’s dean when I just go out for a jaunty stroll 😭 it spooked me to my core-

#help #SMALL WORLD AIN’T IT #shit- #uh #this is why I don’t go outside. #my porkpie hats are my one enemy #porkpies r so stylish so idc

[girlwithsword]

i hate myself for this but i want a destiel sticker or pin thats low key enough that only folks who are in the desticule will get it - i dont want ppl who are Aware to notice, only fellow sufferers - recommendations?

#i cant believe im trying to i like your shoelaces this nonsense what //year// is it #i feel like the Handprint is an option but might be too obvious #destiel #desticule #deancas #another option is the top 13 zep traxx #but my fear there is that a) ppl will ask who dean is #or b) ask me about led zepplin #of which i know nothing

[castielcommunism]

yeah i rly don’t think ppl give dean enough credit with the mary of it all in s12. the whole “oh this 40 year old man expects his mommy to make soup for him” type of take is boring like ok putting aside that maternal resurrection is an insane situation that would likely destroy one’s psyche, dean is also trying to unlearn so much…like yes the situation IS both funny and depressing, both for dean and mary (and sam to a lesser extent). but like you, i think deans reactions are a testament to the good parts of him, not the bad!

yeah like the expectations Dean puts on his mother ARE unreasonable don’t get me wrong but they’re deeply sympathetic. Like this is a parent who he has exclusively good memories of and has heard only good things about. She also doesn’t know Dean at all, which I think excites him. John was constantly disappointed in him and withheld his approval, and I think on some level Dean figured that if he could just be My Mom’s Oldest Son then he would finally have a parent who would properly love him and take care of him the way he needs. In some ways Dean is emotionally still a four year old because that was the point at which he lost his childhood and was treated like a resource by his father. I think Dean does want Mary to make him food and tell him everything will be okay and tuck him into bed. Not literally, but like emotionally those are the things he wants from her because they’re things he’s never had.

And in 12x22 when he watches her say that to his four year old self he realises he doesn’t actually want that because it’s a lie. They can’t reverse time or undo the damage in their family’s history, but they can start fresh and try again (which is exactly what he says to her).

And Sam wants those things to! Like he absolutely wants A Mom. But he doesn’t put all of his emotional expectations on Mary or like bare his soul to her immediately the way Dean does. Dean places all of his emotional baggage at her feet and demands she deal with it, so when she decides to leave he’s not only completely devastated by it, it also retraumatises him (my mom is leaving again) and confirms all his worst fears (once my parents know who I am they hate me). Which is, again, unreasonable and unfair to Mary, but it’s understandable. Sam doesn’t do any of that. He’s sad his mother is leaving but like he’s not going “oh my god my mom hates me and wants to leave me, specifically, because my lot in life is to be abandoned by people I love when I let them down” the way Dean does. Sam definitely feels a lot of resentment and anger towards Mary for making the demon deal, for not preparing him or their family for it, for dying and destroying their lives, but she never really fell from this high mantle for him. She’s just an utter and complete stranger that their father was obsessed with.

And obviously like Mary is not blameless in this. She did make a deal, and her actions did destroy her family. She had children with John and she does have a responsibility to them, even if they’re suddenly these grown adult men she doesn’t know. But the tragedy of it is that none of them are really at fault for what happened, or for Mary coming back, they just have to deal with these circumstances the best they can.

So yeah back to the original point of this ask, a very compelling part of s12 for me is watching Dean try really hard at making his relationship with Mary work. And like he’s kinda bad at it! He fucks up and they argue and he gets his feelings hurt but he still wants to try. We don’t really see him do that in the show with the other relationships he has, and it infuses a lot of much needed sympathy to his behaviour and just makes him overall a much more interesting character. I wish the other relationships he had with Sam and Cas had similar stakes, but this is supernatural etc etc.

#dean.txt #mary.txt #sam.txt #asks #meta #mary & dean #season 12

[amwritingmeta]

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped. 

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah? 

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis. 

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely. 

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating  each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season. 

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me. 

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it... 

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power. 

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah? 

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something. 

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

#spn meta #spn 15x19 #spn speculation #dean #cas #sam #jack #chuck #michael #lucifer #deancas #destiel #hopes and wishes

[ennui-gt]

Here it is. A Piece Of Borrower Content Written Entirely In Stream Of Consciousness:

AN: so this is incomplete and very…needs revisions to the timeline to incorporate some things I added later! It’s the original universe that Mira’s from! I edited it like Slightly to just change Ross’s name to Ross (if u see Max anywhere that’s his old one I just felt like changing it so that’s just him but different. Anyway) Everything's under the readmore tab, cheers!

The Library Fairy:

-

Basic Plot (Chrono, comic starts from human perspective abt the ‘legend of the library fairy’ ig maybe. Nothing here is permanent cept the characterization)

Part A

1- Mira is borrower currently chillin in a college library

2- She lives off of the cafe on the second floor nd reads lots and lots of stuff about everything when the upper floors close (lower floor open 24/7 but upper floors r vacant p much after 12:00 AM)

3- she starts getting increasingly curious about human stuff cos she’s literate nd books r pry neat

4- it starts one night when she spots an unattended notebook and a half eaten blueberry muffin, nd it’s 12:30 so nobody’s coming back in atm (it’s the 80s so no laptops for the plebians quite yet)

5- so she goes ‘welp’ nd takes part of the muffin, then sees the work on the page and goes ‘hmmmm this is incorrect’ so she helps our and leaves notes here n there to point the kid in the right direction and puts down some book refs for further study bcos at this point she’s been there for 2 years and she knows where most things are

6- she stays behind to see if the human comes back for it, hidden in a hidey hole near the desk

7- human comes in, sees notebook, practically melts w relief nd stuffs it in his bag

8- next day human comes back nd leaves nother notebook and a cookie, along w a hidden camera

9- Mira goes ‘o boy, this a trap, innit’

10- Mira then decides ‘eh whatever I haven’t had contact w anyone in years now so I might as well’

11- she steals the camera film nd leaves a lil scrap of paper saying ‘nice try ;)’ on it

12- student comes back, sees paper, goes ‘dammit’, then leaves note addressed to the ‘library fairy’ and another cookie, as well as more of their work for her to help with

13- bout a decade goes by and now the “Library Fairy” is an urban myth, it’s currently 2003 so she’s also wound up on the school’s unofficial Wikipedia page under ‘local cryptids’

14- most library employees know of her but they don’t go looking out of fear stemming from superstitions bout her, somehow the legend grew from ‘can’t be photographed’ to ‘a student once saw her and died that day’

15- there’s now a small shrine devoted to her where ppl bring offerings hoping to get good grades in return, sometimes they will leave papers for her to proofread nd stuff

16- new prof (named Alexei) finds online article thinks he Knows What’s Up bcos he had a borrower friend as a kid, but they left when borrower’s fam found out about them knowing each other

17- he leaves note wedged in one of her secret entrances behind outlet, asking if she can meet w him at some point

18- Mira, already In it, goes ‘Okay. Alright. This has gone on for long enough. Time to go and never return’ but ofc she’s curious as all hell and like she decides she will at least honor the guy’s request for a convo b4 she goes, but on her terms and w/o speaking face 2 face

19- they Talk in the library after hours, bcos he paid off the janitor to let him stay after hours nd most of the student employees recognize him as a prof nd leave him alone

20- they talk again for every subsequent night

21- she uhhhh finally decides to reveal herself nd prays that her hunch was right nd he won’t try to grab her or anything

22- he doesn’t but she’s nervous so she winds up gettin caught in her own climbing rope like idiot, is now dangling from ceiling in tangled mess

23- he stifles chuckle nd she says smthn sarcastic

24- he moves closer and offers to untangle her

25- she’s like ‘please’

26- so he do, but her grip on the rope slips nd he has to catch her

26- so now she’s in his hand and he just sets her down and now he’s a bumbling embarrassed mess bcos he said he wasn’t going to hold her and he just did and o dear pls forgib him

28- nd she’s like ‘dude u just saved my life it’s fine ur fine chill’

29- internally she’s going HOLY FUCK AAAAAAA but externally, her human’s already worked up enough as it is so she’s gotta b the level headed one

29.5- after a while they both kinda get used to each other more, he gets tenure, they celebrate, some more stuff happens, Aleksei got married (not to Mira, Mira hasn’t actually rly thought about being in a relationship w anyone cos she’s laser focused on gaining as much knowledge as possible)

30- eventually Alexei’s like ‘hey so I’m dean of faculty for the biotech branch now uhhhh would u like actual job teaching students? Cos, uh, you can do it remotely thru online lectures n stuff, no in person interaction, and I uh was just kinda wondering—‘

31- she’s like ‘yes. Yes!!! LET ME HELP PEOPLE OFFICIALLY KINDA’

32- so now she’s a professor, and has revealed her Secret a few times here n there to a number of the faculty, nd she has recorded her own findings in a personal journal

33- ‘humans will treat u like a human if they think ur human first. The kids call it ‘catfishing’’

34- enter Ross, an mall goth who accidentally tripped headfirst into a premed program

35- Mira’s favorite field of study is bio so naturally she’s his prof for a majority of his classes

36- being the good boy that he is, he now knows Mira’s secret. There is an Entire Chapter on him finding out and legit just continuing their conversation as if everything was normal bcos he thought that was how he was supposed to handle the situation

37- then she says ‘u can ask questions, u know’ he’s like OH THANK FUCK CAUSE I HAVE SEVEN HUNDRED OF THOSE

38- and now he kinda knows what to look for in terms of ‘do borrowers live here check yes or no’

39-in his apartment, the answer is yes and he mistakenly kinda stumbles upon the mom one night when he wakes up in the middle of the night for Snack and opts to pretend like its not happening. Unfortunately the thing she was trying 2 borrow (piece of crumb cake for Son Boy’s birthday) is the thing he wants 2 eat so he’s like “uh. ‘Scuse me, ma’am.” and he peels back the saran wrap on the other side of the plate, takes piece, nd then leaves some there for her

40-so now the woman is like ‘welp guess it time 2 Leave’

.1- she and husband Talk

.2-they decide it best 2 go

.3-theyre Packing

.4-lil bab Ellie confused

.5-hawk attacke

.6-cut to Ross

41- Ross also happens to work at a bar and he goes outside for a break

43- he finds smal child—smol smal—on the sidewalk and said child is missing an arm, nd has lost a lot of blood, so he’s uhhhhh Losing It highkey

43.5-parents r nowhere 2 b seen, but the hawk is nearby and circling. Ross gets an idea of what just happened

44- he up and leaves work, thankfully his apartment is above the shop so he jumps up the fire escape w the child and

45- he make tourniquet

46- he calls Mira nd asks her 2 come over to ASAP. he’s A Mess at this point

47- it is Very touch and go, kid needs blood, Mira is the only viable donor so she’s just gotta pray that the blood type is fine and won’t kill him

48- and then eventually they manage 2 stave infection thru antibiotics properly dosed to his size, Mira does Math and Prays basically

49- ‘bout a month in, kid wakes up

50- kid doesn’t rember much since he’s only 3

51- hes v scared of Ross at first but over time he gets used 2 the human

52- kid (elliot) starts 2 call Ross ‘dad’ after a while

53- Ross: *internal screaming but in a good way*

54- the end kinda for now

Part 2

A- New Borrowers In The Building

—three of em. paranoid dad, mom, nd daughter that’s Elliot’s age so he’s pumped

B- Elliot offers them a place 2 stay briefly

C- he knows by now bout like, how borrowers don’t typically interact w humans and Auntie Mira’s a bit of a weird case so he just doesn’t tell em bout his dad being the human

D- the kid finds out first nd doesn’t tell the parents, but they figure it out later kinda and think that it’s a ‘o god he’s being kept as a pet’ sitch so they’re >:| abt it

E- they move out and try to take Elliot w them (by force bcos they think he’s brainwashed) but he escapes and makes it to Ross, who’s like “uhhhhhh”

F- and the mom come out the hole near the counter n starts yelling at Ross, who is…kinda used to it since Mira brings in ppl who need help from time 2 time and they typically don’t react well when they’re lucid enough to understand what’s going on. He’s just not used to being questioned about his own kid

G- so they’re like “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH HIM”

H- and he’s like “r…raising him???”

I- and Ellie steps up and he’s like “this is my dad. I decided he was my dad when I was three. He’s being a good parent”

J- and Ross is like “yeah what he said. I’m a good parent.”

K- Ross is riding that high til the end of fucking time but like back to the story at hand

L- this is when the husband comes out nd is like “lissen. wifey. ily but that is a very big human and he hasn’t grabbed us yet so let’s count our blessings and gtfo”

M- but she’s like “uh no we stay until I’m sure Elliot is Safe and fucking Sound”

N- so they stay for dinner nd stick around a little longer.

O- Val (the kid) gets closer 2 Elliot and also Ross a bit

P- Mira shows once or twice, first time she shows up they’re like “oh god it’s the crazy doctor lady this all makes sense now” (bcos Mira does check up on as many borrower families as possible in her free time so word has got around by now Of her, and the number by which to contact her in case her services r needed)

Q- After a month or so, then they decide to leave bcos they’re like “look we get that ur son is ur son and he only has one arm and in our profession that is kind of a death sentence but we can’t have our kid getting used to dealing w humans who know about our existence” so they go and leave on a kind of sour note bcos Ellie can do anything he wants to do just as well as any other borrower Thank You Very Much and Ross is ready to fite anyone who thinks otherwise

R- Elliot starts trying 2 b more independent, basically from now on he’s like ‘I can do everything my Damn Self Thanks’

S- but uh he does it to a point where he’s going out of the way to endanger himself

T- so they get into a fite about it and ross Yells and Elliot is like ‘kthxbye’

U- and the boi just. Fuckin bolts. Runs Away. Ross is a Mess, he starts smoking again (he quit cold turkey the day he took Elliot in) to curb the depression, he’s jus. Not doin good, worried that his son is dead and the last time they talked it’d ended badly

V- FREEDOM!!!1! Except Ellie doesn’t kno how to take care of himself so it’s a rough month or so and then he runs into some other borrowers livin in their own town in the wild ig, chillin, being hella independent, and he’s like “uh yes ofc I will join u, I was w my dad for a while but.........” he neither confirms nor denies that his dad’s dead but everyone kinda just assumes.

Part 3

W-anyway a year goes by and then the borrower group gets hit hard w some kind of sickness ig. Elliot gets it too he’s basically incapacitated n drifting in and out of lucidity. So. They contact the weird crazy doctor lady who hangs around humans, a.k.a. Mira, and she’s like “oh. fuck. I know this kid.” bcos she does, u kno, and she jus treats em all for their ailment and shows them how to make antibiotic poultice thing in case smthn like it happens again. Mold. Penicillin is basically what it is

X-she and Elliot hav a Chat (Mira basically yells at him a lot) once he’s fixed up and he decides he’s gonna visit his dad but he makes it very clear that he is a Grown Up (he’s not, he’s literally sixteen), and he is living on his own now

Y- he agrees to stay for a week tho since he misses his home a lot tbh and Ross is just. Over the fucking moon to know he’s ALIVE, he’s not gonna fuck up their relationship by insisting that he stay. Or like, by keeping him ofc he would never

Z- unfortunately the borrower community put two and two together and figured out his dad’s human so they have his stuff packed up when he gets back w mira, who’s ready to go the fuck off on them

End 1:

-Ellie is living at Ross’s place atm and hopeful about the future basically. He eventually will go off on his own but he’ll keep in contact w his dad and stuff

Part C.5

55- few yrs later

56- elliot is Adult now he does adult borrower stuff

57- he moves out

58- finds nice borrower gf (her name’s Tess)

59- doesn’t tell her about his dad being human but talks about his dad a LOT

60- so when she asks to meet said father he’s just like “uh. Maybe we don’t do that actually”

61- and she’s like “y tho”

62- and he’s like “bcos”

63- anyway she decides to look into it cos she knows he goes to see his dad nd keep in touch but his dad is allegedly “a recluse who lives in the big scary human’s walls to avoid other ppl”

64- which is. Not true in the slightest tbqh he’s def not an introvert he’s just a workaholic and he Is the big scary human

65- anywho they run into Val and her wife and she’s like “how’s Ross been?” And Elliot is acting Very Suspish so she, being Smart, calls it immediately and is like “oh shit u haven’t told her yet have u”

66- Tess: “told me what”

67- Val: “El’s dad is a human, bro.”

68- Tess: “I’m sorry?”

69- this results in a Big Fight and they separate for like, a month. Elliot blames Val bcos he’s being irrational and doesn’t wanna admit to the fact that lying to his girlfriend for over a year was Real Bad Actually, but over time he’s like ‘yeah it’s my fault sry for snapping at u’ cos he works thru his emotions n stuff

70- Eventually gf comes back cos she’s like “ok so. I understand why you lied to me about your dad. It was a dick move but I do get it and I still care about you a lot. I would like. To meet him.”

80- this is a lie she does not want to meet him she is doing this bcos she does not want to lose Elliot and that outweighs the fear of his dad

81- so they go to meet him but she’s just kinda. Behind the wall at first like “that’s a crazy big human this is crazy ur crazy it’s time to gO”

82- Val is also there bcos she hasn’t seen Ross in a while

83- they eventually coax her out of hiding

84- and by that I mean Val picks her up and drags her out into the open by force bcos she basically freezes up the second she catches sight of Ross and Val’s like “u didn’t come all this way for nothing, bich”

85- they have a Painfully Awkward First Meeting, Tess is trying her best but oh god he’s just too fucking. Larg. Ellie ur dad too big

86- tbh tho the ice kinda breaks after Ellie and Ross get into a fight over smthn stupid (im thinking Elliot grumbles bout Ross’s hair being unruly and he’s worried that mira’s using it like a personal storage system again and Ross is like “I’ve been keeping better track of that actually” and then like a little line of paper clips and a few hand-bound notebooks tied together w some string fall out of his fucking mane and he’s like “I can explain”

87- “dad you can’t keep letting her use your hair like a fucking NEST”

88- Tess is laughing now cos god damn this was not what she was expecting

89- that’s it the end it ends w Tess laughing at them being idiots good times r had by all

Uhhhh that’s it so far. I have More but it’s kinda jumbled rn and I need to fit stuff in places. Anyway.

#was gonna make this into a comic lawl #if I like actually manage to get off my ass over the coming weeks I probably will be able to do that! but yeah #also this was once posted b4 and I deleted it but it’s back now say hellow #Library Fairy #oc: Mira #oc: Ross #oc: Elliot #oc: Tess #oc: Val #oc: Alexei #anyway yeah here it is behold #the uhhhhh most slice of life thing I have ever created

[katsidhe]

coffeecustard

replied to your post

“Love your blog!! Your meta is *chefs kiss* So! I made an observation...”

I'm very curious what that makes me, because I was never shocked at Sam's decision, never felt he was disgusting, in fact I found and still find the s4 demon thing to make 100% sense in light of the info he had. I love your meta and I'm hoping one day you'll write what you think makes ppl like me feel this way -- accept Sam's actions and motives 100% no questions, because they make absolute sense to us.

You know, I think there is something interesting here. In some ways I’m in the same boat as you. The first time I watched s4 I was on Sam’s side, but while I never felt that he was disgusting or unjustified, I definitely understood why Sam felt he was doing something transgressive/something that potentially crossed a bright moral line. And that struggle, and the fear of intrinsic evil, was real for Sam (even without Dean/the culture surrounding him driving it home), and frankly added to my respect for him. 

So, textually I think it’s inarguable that the Show itself regards Sam drinking demon blood as morally questionable at the very least. Even setting aside Dean’s moralizing, the literal in-universe author of their books tells Sam it’s not right. Can’t get much more explicit than that.

But Sam’s guilt is a lot muddier compared to whatever Dean struggles with in s9, because it’s not just ~bad bc the show said so~. Sam’s lifelong feelings of innate uncleanliness, interwoven with the degree of suspicion with which Dean tends to treat him as a matter of course (which stems from John’s suspicions, the Family Cult, Dean’s absolutism, etc etc.), combined with the Show’s bias, make the separate factors really, really difficult to parse. All three have narrative effects that influence how the audience is likely to perceive Sam’s decisions. 

Like I touched on in my previous post, one first obvious reaction is to take a stance that most closely resembles Dean’s (and arguably the Show’s): something to the effect of, Sam means well, and some version of him is Good deep down, but he’s misguided; surely he can see that this stuff is Bad News and is all going to end in tears; really, he should go back to Normal. 

But sometimes, like in your case and mine, that isn’t the first reaction. Part of it for me at least is that pragmatism is a really attractive trait in my fictional characters, and I deeply respected that Sam was willing to set aside his own deep self-disgust because he could acknowledge that making use of the blood and his powers got undeniable results. But I also wonder if it might be the naysayer in me who wanted to be on Sam’s side in the first place, that wanted to revolt against what the clear narrative authority was trying to tell me. If it’s an instinctive reaction to be on the side of the party being assigned blame and called out for wrongness, the one being called abnormal and freakish in the face of persecution. 

The blood is a continuous action on Sam’s part, and an addiction with side-effects that are debatably causing harm to him. Sam has to make the active decision over and over to keep using it, and it’s one he visibly struggles with while the necessity wars with his shame, and while we as viewers fear for his safety in the face of both his friends and his enemies. All the while, Sam is painted as overtly deviant, in ways that tie in with his sexuality and with addiction, with his mental health, with him being, somehow, innately tainted. This, I think, can easily be fundamentally sympathetic. 

The Mark, in contrast, was one ill-informed decision, with inarguably harmful fallout for both Sam and Dean. Interestingly enough, Dean’s grappling with the Mark of Cain is basically never addressed as a choice? He finds out about the thing, accepts it without asking about terms and conditions, and is branded all in one episode; following this, his struggle is all about him internally trying to repress, control, or channel the urges the Mark gives or intensifies; never (to my recollection, anyway; feel free to correct me if I’m forgetting something in some s10 episode I’ve never rewatched) is he significantly wracked with regret over taking the Mark in the first place. I think this is typical of Dean. He felt he did what he had to do, so he’s not going to agonize over a decision that was made that he cannot take back. Sam doesn’t react the way Dean did in season 4, either--Gadreel aside, he’s on Dean’s side, quick to reassure Dean (and himself) in s10 that the Mark’s influence isn’t Dean’s fault. 

This definitely contributes to how we the audience view that decision, and since Dean is tormented but not terribly guilty, and Sam is supportive even while a victim, it’s easy to assign pity rather than blame. But for me, as a viewer, it’s a lot less interesting to watch Dean grapple when there’s little acknowledgment of how he made his bed in the first place, and, indeed, when there’s NO ONE in the narrative, not Sam, and not even Dean himself, who is in major conflict with that decision. 

In s4, Sam is resolutely the moral outsider. I think for some people it can have the effect of making his point of view MORE attractive rather than less, because it is transgressive on a level intrinsic to the fabric of the show itself. And that’s plain fun. 

#coffeecustard #sam and dean #mark of cain #Sam and guilt #this may have gone on a bit of a tangent #sam and blood #season 4 #season 9 #dean and the mark

[sothischickshe]

For the fic writer asks! 4! 10! 19!

thank! u!! <3

4. What part of the story do you usually start with first?

for the writing down part? pretty much always the beginning! (although sometimes i've been wrong abt where that beginning was haha)

10. Chapter fics or one long piece?

it dEpEnDs, but probs erring more towards one (long or otherwise lol) piece (and/or mayyybe shortish series?).

i mean to start with, there’s so much i want to write (waaaaah), that if i can work out how to knock something out in a one-shot, that is a Win, ha. (also i very much like finishing things! like ha! you’re done! fuck you!! which is obvi easier with a one shot cos it’s just...done.)

but also, having written a few multi-chapters early, i think i got a bit scared off them lol. like i don’t regret what/how i did (them) bc i learnt a lot from that process! but, as someone who lovvvvvves discovering and finessing things in the edit, it was kinda frustrating to learn (and learn harder) that those do work a lot better with a Plan (bc i kept finding that i was having to State Things To Establish Them, rather than having had the wisdom to establish them via pattern or w/e).

but also & perhaps mostly, i think i found the existence of something hanging overhead which needed finishing quite a Pressure, as well as wanting to ensure the conclusion was Worth It. and i def think, even if i wasnt aware of it, i was much more Concerned with other ppl’s opinions, whereas now if someone didnt like an ending i’d probs be like...yea ok, nobody asked bye.

& with the serieseses as well as filing her nails, ive had a lot of fun with combing through the previous parts to find Clues I’ve Left Myself in order to continue the story in a way which makes sense & i think that’s helped me trust my instincts in terms of characterisation as well as including random shiz that might not have an immediate payoff.

i feel like developing a writing process is in many ways: working out what stuff you like/wanna do in the planning stages, and what stuff you like/wanna do in the editing stages, as well as how that might differ for different (types of?) stories...?

ultimately, i think oneshots are def (for me at least) a better ground to learn things and try things out cos you only have (lol lightbulb) one...shot... to make it work? like you gotta wrap everything up & make sense of it all etc (unless you’re going to add more obvi ha but im reasonably Resistant to that concept for a Reason lol). and i think writing quite a few of those (and ending up turning sOmE into serieseses) has made me feel more confident in my pacing and indeed planning! (and i think the serieseseses and indeed filing, which has barely any plot, has taught me how to offset a lack of planning-for-multipartness better...? i ALSO think developing a writing process in many ways is: working out how to lean into weaknesses and utilise them as strengths, ha)

so im not like anti multi-chaps and/or series, and i might return to (plottier) multi-chaps one day! i think if i can get the incentive fic to around ~25k max, it’s a one-shot. anything significantly longer than that and it’s probs gonna HAVE to split into either chaps or a series (i fear it will be Big, o no). the band au im pretty sure is going to have to be multi-chapter (unless i can work out how to do it in like 700 words lol).

also i fundamentally reject the ‘long’ in ‘one long piece’. i love writing short things!!! n i feel like i havent written a proper short story in ages, sniff (maybe i can indulge those vibes with the dean pov cr*ckfic hmm hmm hmm)

but yea... in conclusion, i think it does depend on the story!

19. Do you write the same things you love to read?

yes, and also no,

i think what i write is reasonably broad (and i do write things i want to read!), but what i love to read is broader? (i mean to start with i love reading original fiction and i dont write any lol)

i suppose it depends on what this MeAnS exactly... if we’re talking about fic povs or ships or tropes or lengths or formats or styles, then i think my tastes are probs broader than what i write, if we’re talking fandoms then at least atm, reading and writing tastes match up, if we’re talking like tropes/warnings im reticent abt, then my reading is probs a lil broader than my writing but not by a huge amount? 

ultimately i think ive got quite broad tastes, and i think that’s reflected in both my writing and reading, but also i dont like being bored, and i think that is too....?

askies

#writing #on writing #fanfiction #im not sure i know how to answer the last q bc im not sure i know how to define what i write lol #i obvi dont like to only read things similar to what i write #but i guess there are things which i find stereotypical in varied ways which im not interested in writing or particularly reading #but also there are tropes and takes ive got little interest in writing for varied reasons that ive loved reading examples of #and im pretty much always ready to be convinced re reading #like i dont have a lot of hard de facto sand lines #but there is stuff im reticent abt reading for sure #and i think with gg ive had my feelings hurt too many times by canon too which def plays into that stuff #(ah this is why ppl dont like playing scr*ples with me lol...im always: it depends ha) #also! i remembered another pro of multi-chapters! chapter TITLES #maybe i can sidestep the need for the incent*ve fic to have a yknow decent title #by splitting it up into chapters which themselves have good titles... hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!.

[orionsangel86]

I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.

Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing. 

The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.

What we actually know:

Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

This quote is from this article.

Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:

“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”

You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).

In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:

"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."

But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.

Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:

[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."

So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat. 

So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).

Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.

This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.

Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter. 

The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.

So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession. 

Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene. 

Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:

“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

You have to read this entire paragraph as one: 

The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.

When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway. 

This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.

Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.

Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam. 

Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.

But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above. 

So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #misha collins #jensen ackles #spn meta #spn speculation #my meta #15x09 #destiel dreaming #spn spoilers #deans prayer confession #the destiel break up scene #negativity for ts #fandom problems #asks #anon #Anonymous

[lunellumcas]

Alright friendos, buckle in, cuz I’m about to crack the “we are.” I know you’ve all been seeing the arguments over whether it was romantic or platonic, or, as proxy, whether it was referring to deancas only or all tfw. Let me break down the dialogue a bit, first from the grammatical perspective and then the thematic perspective.

Grammatical breakdown:

What we’re really after is finding out what that last “we” refers to. “We” is a pronoun and, grammatically, it replaces a noun or nouns. To correctly use a pronoun, it must be clear what noun it is replacing. Grammatically that usually means a pronoun’s use requires a noun to directly precede it in the same sentence or the one before, to which it then can reference. But there is no clear antecedent noun acting as referent here, not for a single incidence of “we” in this scene. But there are some *unclear* antecedent nouns—and in order to glean some sort of meaning for the pronoun “we” at the end, then, we can try to trace it back to those nouns previously given. Dean uses the first “we”: “It turns out that we're just hamsters running in a wheel our whole lives. What do we have to show for it, huh?” This “we” is immediately surrounded by “I’m angry” before and “aren’t you angry” after. And in fact, Dean and Cas are the subjects of every sentence so far. And so, although Mary, Jack, and Chuck are mentioned earlier, the only possible explicitly-given referents at this point *grammatically* are actually Dean and Cas. Of course, sometimes irl ppl leave out the referent when they think it’s clear who they are speaking of, so it’s possible Dean’s “we” had a different, subject-changing referent in his mind that he just didn’t share. Factually it could include Sam, since Sam is also in that “hamster” position. If I were editing this writing I would have queried buckleming to write “Sam and I” or “all of us” if they didn’t mean “you and I” in place of the first we. (But unfortunately I don’t get to edit their scripts). And then of course, there’s the issue of whether or not the referent changes from each “we” to “we.” It’s possible that buckleming just don’t know how to construct a sentence and that the first “we” means dean and Sam, the middle “we”s mean tfw, and the last “we” means dean and Cas and just not a single one of them has a named referent like they are supposed to. What we do know is that dean and Cas both use “we” and they seem to be responding pretty directly to each other, so it’s likely the “we”s (especially from Cas’s “we” on) are referring to, at minimum, Dean and Cas. If Dean’s original “we” was referring to Dean and Sam and/or Cas then it is possible that all the following “we”s are dean, Cas, and Sam, but it’s not guaranteed. Technically, if Sam is a referent at all, he should be explicitly named. But Sam’s name is no where in the conversation, and he has almost no subtextual presence besides the fact of chuck’s manipulation of them all. So, though factually it could include Sam, grammatically and *thematically* for the scene the referent seems to be (either only or in most significant part) dean and Cas. Thematic breakdown: Every other bit of the conversation is basically entirely about Dean’s feelings and Cas’s feelings: Cas enters the room and starts the conversation: “I recognize that I dropped the puck.” This sentence is about cas and dean (Sam isn’t mad at cas for this, and this narratively excludes him) and it sets up the scene to be about Cas and Dean.

Cas sought Dean out to say this, to bring up Dean’s feelings about him. To what end? Well, let’s look at what happened to Cas right before this: The townspeople confronted him with “You said you'd keep us safe.” Oof. That’s a real Cas hot-button if I ever saw one. And there’s a direct line to be drawn here on a character level because of that hot-button issue. I think it’s safe to explore the possibilities of Cas going to Dean (as opposed to Sam) to try to address his own worries concerning this: He couldn’t keep Mary safe, he couldn’t keep jack safe. He can’t keep Dean and Sam safe, and after all, isn’t that his job? And, perhaps he’s realizing he can’t keep himself safe. He’s being hurt and he doesn’t know what to do. So he goes to Dean to fix it, to say please stop hurting me. Or else he goes to dean to admit that he feels he’s lost his job, his reason for staying, his place with the Winchesters, and that he doesn’t know what his place is now, but he wants to try to find out. Only Dean isn’t receptive. So, on with the dialogue breakdown: “Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice. I can't.” “Dean. You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” I find “we are” oddly ambiguous, not just in who “we” references, but in what “we” being “real” means. Like, for example, I don’t believe he meant the “we are” as in “you exist and I exist” or even also “Sam exists” in general. And IMO it doesn’t make sense to be returning Dean’s “our choices aren’t real” with a “yes they are real,” Not in this format. So it’s not that. Literally the only thing I can think of that makes sense is “our choices aren’t real” “but our love is.” He’s clearly talking about relationships, and that can be platonic or romantic, but it’s about relationships, and mostly this one in particular. So I think people are correct in interpreting the “we are” as Cas saying “Our relationship is real. My relationship with you and your relationship with me.” HOWEVER, I do think that he meant by extension that all of Dean’s relationships with everyone are real. IMO there is a clear element of “everybody” in the ambiguous “we” in the sense that “If our relationship is real, that means all relationships are real, and that makes everything ok and then you can be happy, and then you can love me again.” But even if everyone is a part of it, the main focus *is* Dean and Cas’s relationship together. I think there’s a reason people are picking up on this conversation being intensely and specifically personal (and it’s not destiel goggles). It’s the same reason this was the best scene in the episode. Because this scene actually carries the tension over from the last episode, and it does so by successfully (well, semi-successfully) bringing in the subtext of their relationship. Even if Cas meant to extend the “we are” sentiment to everyone, he was very much centering the actual discussion on himself, which is very interesting. I’ll explain why I think that: During this whole conversation, cas knows dean is mad at him. Normally when he wants to make dean feel better, he talks about Sam by name. And when he knows dean is mad at him, it makes sense for him to fall back on that and get dean to focus on what he isn’t mad at—Sam—in order to give him hope. But instead of taking himself out of the equation like that in order to remind dean of happier things to cheer Dean up, Cas is trying desperately to put himself back in and to force dean to see that Cas himself is one of the happy things. This explains Cas’s observable nervousness and hesitation, I think, because he doesn’t often put himself out there in that way. This is a huge step forward for destiel AND FOR CAS. (While I don’t think Cas or the writers meant it as an explicitly romantic confession, I do think it’s very significant.) Cas is trying to center Dean’s feelings on himself. To make himself feel better by making dean feel better about him. That’s a very human thing to do, to try to expunge your own insecurities by trying to expunge somebody else’s. It’s the mark of a tense situation, and a very desperate something inside Cas. I do think Cas genuinely wants dean to be happy, but I don’t think that was his true “objective” here in this scene, in terms an actor would understand. The objective Misha played seemed to me more about the deancas relationship, in the sense that Cas was trying to use their relationship to make Dean happy *with him specifically*, and failing that success, to gauge Dean’s feelings about him and his place with Dean. And that’s why the scene felt so pointedly deancas even if the language itself can be considered general. The deancas undercurrent was there for me throughout the whole scene, particularly thanks to Misha’s acting—and there was one instance of this that really stuck out to me: Dean says “I’m angry . . . at all of it.” And in response, Cas goes “at all of it?” The way he played that nearly knocked the breath out of me. The response imo had a very insecure and weedling “at me? Even me? Still me?” sense to it, reminding the audience that there are layers and layers to this conversation, going beyond the chuck problem and going deep into relationship insecurities that belong to dean and Cas and them alone. And the relationship insecurities are especially overbearing if you incorporate Cas’s part in the rest of the episode: Cas isn’t really that interested this episode in helping the boys do what they think needs to be done, or in making them feel better about what they’re doing. He wants to do things differently. He seems to feel shutout and like they’re not letting him have a place or a say. This came out throughout Cas’s presence in the ep. Sam shut him down verbally more than once. Dean walked out on him. He was notably absent most of the time. And throughout the whole episode Cas was visibly frustrated. Frustrated that no one is listening to the townspeople (him), frustrated that no one is addressing the townspeople’s (his) feelings of fear, frustration, loss. It’s a big mirror for what he himself is feeling subjected to at the Winchesters’ hands. No one seems to value him anymore, and no one seems to want the type of value that he wants to give. (They want him to fill the support role he usually does, the healing—which he was unable to do—and the protecting—which he did absolutely none of this episode. He wants something else. ~whatever could it be? 🧐~) All of this together is an interesting development for Cas. Cas is not being as rational here as he usually is. Think about it, his greatest fear (as stated at the end of last season) is coming true—That by losing Jack he has lost Dean (and Sam). This “we are” scene is him reaching out a hand as he slips from the cliff to a place he thinks he can’t come back from--the Dean Doesn’t Love Me abyss. He hasn’t given up yet, but come The Rupture, he will. People may disagree with this, but I’ve always thought that buckleming write Cas better than they do any other character. It may not seem like it bc they’re so bad but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying they set this up this way on purpose, or that at least Misha picked up on it and played to that through line. And even if not, I still think this interpretation makes the most sense from Castiel’s point of view.

#castiel #destiel #spn 15x02 #my spn meta #destiel meta #raising hell #we are

[my-proof-is-you]

My Saving Grace - Pt. 2 (final)

Request from Anon: Hey, Sam. I just found your blog and I read some of your works and they’re truly awesome. So I wanted to ask for a sad angsty fic where the reader is secretly in love with Dean for years & no one knows. And she thinks she doesn’t deserve him at all but she’s actually good ppl & maybe hot but she’s depressed & suicidal & she keeps being close to Dean to not get killed by herself & eventually in a haunt she risks her life to save Dean but gets injured & and says don’t pity me to Dean & dies. Warnings: thoughts of suicide, depression

*I do not own any pics or gifs

Masterlist

You

After realizing how important Dean was for your sanity, you stuck pretty close to him. You were always afraid you were going to be too much of a burden on him, but he didn’t seem to mind your company.  

The two of you would spend time watching old horror films or sit by each other when you researched. And while your depression was at bay when you were near him, it flooded back full-force when you were alone. 

Because of that, you weren’t getting much sleep. 

Your thoughts never stopped when you laid in bed at night. Thoughts of worthlessness, being a burden, and most of all, the sadness of feeling alone were what swirled through your head into the wee hours of the morning. 

You kept the bottle of pills beside your bed. You would look at them now and again, contemplating making the thoughts stop. Somehow, though, Dean would burst through your walls at the exact right moment, stomping the bricks to pieces without even knowing it. 

On good days, you thought about telling Dean the truth: that you’d been in love with him for years. Something always held you back, though. Your biggest fear was losing him.

One night, the two of you watched two movies in a row. Sam had left after the first, his big hand covering his mouth in a yawn. 

After the credits had long since stopped, the two of you were still sitting on the couch, talking. You sat facing each other, Dean with one leg up and one foot touching the ground, and you with your legs folded like a pretzel. 

You had just finished arguing about who was the better character in Game of Thrones: Aria or Jon. It ended with an agreement to disagree. 

“Well, we should probably be heading to—“ you began. You were cut off, though, by Dean’s lips hitting yours. 

You were so shocked that you didn’t even know what to do. For a moment you just sat there, trying to understand what was happening. 

When you did, though, you returned the kiss. Your hands traveled to the sides of his face while his gripped your hips. His lips were perfect and soft and you felt like you could lose yourself forever in them. 

Eventually, though, you pulled apart, both gasping. 

“Wow,” you said—and you meant it.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m sorry if that was weird for you. I just—I had to do it.”

“No, no, it was great. Perfect,” you said. You decided to put it all out there. “Dean...I—I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

“Me, too,” he said with a smirk.

“I mean a really long time,” you said. “Dean I...I love you.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he faltered for words. You felt your heart sink.

“Y/N, I like you so much but I…”

“It’s fine,” you said, standing up. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You rushed away to your room, utterly humiliated. You couldn’t believe you had told him that. He kissed you, probably just because he wanted to try it, and you told him you loved him.

Like he could ever be in love with me.

You heard a soft knock on your door but ignored it. You had locked it behind you, too embarrassed to see Dean.

After a minute you heard his footsteps retreat and the distant sound of his door closing. 

You looked at your trusty orange bottle of pills. Sure, you were upset and embarrassed. But you weren’t ready to throw in the towel yet. 

Besides, having anything with Dean was better than nothing at all. 

“Hey, guys, Jody found us a vamp hunt not far from here, and she said we need to get there ASAP,” Sam said, coming into the kitchen with his phone in hand. You were sitting at the table across from Dean. Dean had tried to talk to you about the night before, but you brushed him off, saying it wasn’t a big deal. You had squeezed his hand to let him know that you still cared, and he smiled, seeing it as a good sign before squeezing your hand back.

“Okay, I’ll get packed and meet you guys by the car.”

An hour later, you were arriving at the hunt. There had been five vics already drained of their blood, and all signs pointed to the closed-down restaurant that stood in front of the three of you. 

“Okay, Sam,  you go in back. Y/N, you and I will take the front,” Dean said quietly, pointing with his machete. You and Sam nodded and Sam jogged toward the back of the restaurant. 

Dean threw open the front door and the two of you were immediately fighting your way through vamps. Dean was taking on two and you were swinging your machete at one in front of you, desperately trying to behead her. 

You could hear grunting from the back of the restaurant behind the counter, and knew Sam was fighting hard as well. 

When you finally killed your vamp you turned to see Dean had killed one and knocked out another. He turned to face you and gave you a thumbs up. You were going to return it when you saw the “unconscious” vamp quickly come to a stand, fangs bared. He had his own machete in hand—you weren’t sure where it had come from. 

“Dean, look out!” you yelled. Before you could even think, you launched yourself at him, throwing him out of the way. 

You immediately felt sharp pain in your abdomen, and felt yourself stumbling backwards. You fell to the ground, and you could hear Dean’s voice calling out to you as he fought off the last vampire. You looked down, the room beginning to spin. You pulled the machete out of your stomach, a warm flow of blood following it. 

You laid your head back and you knew: this was the end. 

Dean

Dean ran to your side the second the last vamp was dead. You were clutching your stomach, blood seeping out between your fingers and out of your mouth. Dean pulled your head into his lap.

“Y/N? Oh God, Y/N!”

Sam caught up and found the two of you there on the floor. 

“Get the car, Sammy, now!” He didn’t need to be told twice.

“Y/N, sweetheart, look at me, open your eyes!” Your eyes slowly cracked open.

“D-Dean,” you said before coughing again, more blood dripping from your mouth.

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart, don’t worry,” Dean cooed. Your face was scrunched in pain, and Dean brushed the hair out of your eyes, just wishing he could take it away for you.

“D-Don’t worry, Dean,” you said, your breaths wheezing. “Th-This...this is how it was supposed to be.”

Dean’s eyes searched your face, trying to understand. “What? What are you talking about Y/N? You’re going to be fine!”

“You have to promise to let me g-go,” you continued. You reached a weak blood-covered hand to Dean’s face, resting it lightly on his cheek. 

“Y/N, you hold on! You’re going to be okay!” Dean was yelling now, not willing to give up. To give you up.

Your eyes suddenly cleared, and a small smile spread across your face. Dean knew that look. You couldn’t feel the pain anymore. 

“No, Y/N, no!”

“Dean…”

“Y/N, please, stay with me,” he said, tears streaming down his face. “I love you. I love you so much.” He held onto you tight, as if that could keep you from actually leaving him. 

You fought to keep your eyes open. When you were able to hold your lids up, you looked directly into Dean’s eyes, Y/E/C meeting green. 

“You were my saving grace.”

You exhaled, and Dean felt your hand slip from his face and to the ground. 

“Y/N? Y/N, no!” Dean tapped your face, hoping you’d wake up, that you’d merely lost consciousness. 

He knew the truth, though. Your eyes stared blankly at nothing. 

You were gone. 

THE END

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14

@divadinag

@lynne1993

@deans-baby-momma

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​

#SPN #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #spn imagine #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #thoughts of suicide #dean winchester #depression #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester/reader #Sam Winchester #angst #fluff #fanfic

[beekeepingangel]

15x03 RANT, CAS AND DEAN’S RELATIONSHIP, AND THE SAM OF IT ALL. 

I was talking about spn on my other blog and got this ask about Dean’s actions towards Cas lately and I clearly had A LOT to say about it, so thought I’d post it here as my 1st official post, since that ended up fueling the creation of this blog. Thanks @cookiesand-lemonade​ for sending that ask. Now bear with me while I overanalyze the shit out of last week’s episode.

I get Dean is going through his own shit, Jack just killed his mother a few days ago, God turned out to be bad, and the mind-fucking realization that their entire lives has been all for God’s entertainment and to add a “drama factor” to his “favourite show” hit him like a truck. I get he is angry, I get this is all too much, I get this is Dean Winchester’s way of dealing with things/feelings. Which is, basically, not really dealing with it. And taking it out on ppl who don’t actually deserve it.

In my honest opinion, Cas didn’t do anything that bad. What would’ve mattered if he had told them abt Jack killing the snake? Sure it was odd, and a little creepy, but then again Dean himself tried to check whether Jack was good or bad using angel’s/devil’s food cake. They all weren’t sure, they all didn’t REALLY know it.

In all occasions, even in the very dim, no-way-out times, Cas has stood by him. Cas rebelled for him, throwed all his beliefs in the trash for him. Imo Cas is very deeply in love with Dean  (but that’s even besides the point here). He has done everything, given everything, he has brought Dean back from irreversible fates way too many times, has talked him out of sacrifice too many other more. And he has even been there when he knew Dean’s choices weren’t the best, even when plans weren’t always the right choice.

So it makes me so upset that after 10 years of this, Dean is being such a dick to Cas. Cas absolutely does not deserve it. I love Dean, I really do, and I get why he’s acting this way, why he always has. But this doesn’t justify it or make it right. He ought to realize that.

Imo, Dean didn’t expect Cas to leave. He’s treated Cas like shit before, way too many times, and Cas has always still stood there by his side, refusing to leave. “Everyone you love will be long gone, except me” is an incredible proof of that. He never had any plans of leaving Dean’s side even though he was a murderous psycopath at that time (with the mark of Cain).

And again imo, Dean got used to pushing Cas’s buttons too much, gotted used to the idea that even tho Dean Winchester hurts the ones he loves and pushes them away, Cas was the exception, because time and time again he made it known that he would never leave, no matter what.

But this is too much. Cas lost his son, Cas lost his father, Cas realized he’s an angel of an asshole lord and his entire faith system is a lie, he recently found out his powers are failing. Dean isn’t the only one suffering here. Cas is suffering, Sam is suffering, this is all just a big pile of suffering.

Cas tries to talk to Dean, so many times. It’s absurd to me that Dean won’t even ask what happened in hell, what Cas had to do. Burning his son’s corpse to a crisp must have been a very traumatic ordeal. Dean didn’t even seem to think of that. Cas tells him his powers are failing, and I think at this point this hits Dean, but he’s too angry to show he cares. So he lets Cas leave, because it’s easier, he doesn’t have to talk feelings, and because that confirms the rule that’s been etched in his brain since he was a child: everyone leaves him, he hurts everyone he loves.

The fact Dean says that when something goes wrong, it’s always Cas, is SO WRONG. He couldn’t be more wrong. They’ve all made mistakes and changed plans last minute. And I think this confirms Cas’s deepest fear, that he’s only needed by the Winchesters when he can be useful. That he’s not wanted around when he isn’t. And to me, Cas did the only possible thing he could after that. He left, because how much longer should he be apologising and chasing after Dean? Dean said the absurd and terrible words “you’re dead to me”, and that, you don’t just fix that by ignoring it.

Now this is more my own take as a Destiel shipper, but to me, that was a classic hurtful breakup scene. Cas says it’s time to move on, Dean doesn’t stop him from leaving (he definitely should’ve), but when Cas actually walks away, Dean can’t help but looking up at him leaving, and I think at that moment he KNOWS he fucked up. So whatever the writers do with that, it’s up to them. But I don’t see a way for them to reconcile without Dean going after Cas and apologising and winning him back. Cas deserves that much.

And finally, there’s the Sam in all this. He’s dealing with his own issues, but he loves Cas, he hasn’t been mad with Cas like Dean has. Sam has always been more rational in times like these, and I feel like he will - or at least he should - have a lot to say about Cas leaving, about Dean letting Cas leave. I guess we’ll see how this works out.

Wow literally thanks for coming to my ted talk this has been a giant essay, I’m sorry I put you through this.

TL;DR: I understand where Dean’s coming from, I don’t agree with it and he’s being an asshole to Cas, who doesn’t deserve it. He gotta chase after Cas and make it right. 

#supernatural #spn #spn 15x03 #spn meta #destiel #deancas #spn spoilers #bubble rambles

[asillydreamer-on-a-crazyworld]

OK, now that I’m normal again and my feelings are not all over the place I’m ready to talk rationally about the episode.

I’m gonna start saying that I loved it.

Annie:

I always thought that Annie ended up like the most dysfunctional adult bc Beth was there to clean up her messes.  Beth, as the older sister, took Annie under her protection and I think she was way more like a mom to her rather than a sister. We all can see how every time Annie has a problem she can’t deal with, she goes to Beth. She relies on her.Beth became Annie’s safe place whenever she lost control over things in her life. I understand Beth in these situations but I also think she could have handled her sister better, let her deal with her problems rather than running to her when she called it. I always wondered if this co-dependency she has on her big sis is also one of the reasons Dean doesn’t like Annie much. I can clearly see him arguing with Beth about her always going to her sis while she has a family to take care of.

I loved that Ruby told her what Beth really was for her. How she sacrificed a lot just to be there for her little sis. I think Annie knows it too, but sometimes she is so caught up in her own problems that she takes for granted what Beth does for her. And I’m not saying that to make Annie the bad guy here. She is just human and like I said, she was not the only one responsible for the person she became.

What I loved is that later, she feels it, deep down, Ruby’s words. They were inside her head the whole time she went back home, I bet and that is why we also see her so fragile while talking to Sadie. She is finally facing her own demons bit by bit, she is afraid that she is not being a good mom, a good influence on Sadie... She is afraid because she knows her own faults as an adult and she probably feels ashamed that she can’t even afford the medicine her son needs. I understand and respect her for not wanting to ask for anybody’s money bc she wants to succeed in being a good parent to her kid once in her life.

Also. Finally, the moment when she opens her eyes about what Noah did. People call Annie stupid and naive. I think she is mostly naive. She trusts people too easy sometimes. But she is smart ( I think we can agree that she slips a lot but again, she is just human) and she quickly connected the dots in her head when Ruby asked who could have known about Boland Motors. I don’t know what she is gonna do, but I think she is gonna confront him rather than play some kind of cat/mouse game with Noah.

One thing about Noah tho:

I don’t think he is working for Rio. I’ve seen some theories about it but his reactions yesterday tells me that he was feeling guilty and worried. He likes Annie, and frankly, with her goofy, carefree nature it’s so easy to like her. If he was working secretly for Rio or was his inside man in the FBI, I don’t think there was a reason for him to feel any of those feelings. He would know they wouldn’t end up finding anything and that she and her sis would be safe. And about using her in any way or lying to her about it?  I think if he is catching feelings for her as I think he is, he wouldn’t need to be so worried bc, after all, they are all working for the same guy, right? Noah would feel a bit like a d-bag but I’m pretty sure he’d feel like they could talk it out in a way.

From the synopsis for episode 12, I do think that in the end they both are gonna talk about what Noah did.

Ruby:

OMG RUBY!!! She was perfect, as always. From supporting Stan, to not let her man wallow in self-pity  and also standing up for Beth, this woman again shows us how loyal she is and how far she is willing to go to help those she loves, while also thinking about how this will affect her family in the long run, but she knows there is no way out right now. She needs to keep going bc there is no other option. Stan has no job, they have bills to pay, kids to feed and with her job, Ruby can’t deal with everything financially on her own.

I just love how strong she is despite everything. I really can’t say more about Ruby in this episode bc I see Ruby as the moral compass in the show. And I can’t wait to see how She is gonna deal with the obstacles on her way bc we know they are huge and they will make her go against some of her own values here to help her hubby and her family. I’m dying to see how she handles it.

We know she is afraid and that is why she did what she did on that bus. Throwing the drugs away showed me how desperate she suddenly became and I think that it was because she thought about how Sara treated Stan after he was arrested. She panicked bc she didn’t wanna her daughter to go through that again, watching another parent being arrested in front of her friends. Imagine the humiliation for Sara? Ruby loves her kid and she knows she suffered after seeing what happened to her father. She didn’t wanna ruin her relationship with Sara too. I understand, u, boo. I got u!

I will be here rooting and suffering with her and Stan. 

Beth:

ohh Beth... How beautifully complex u are.U guys know I’m biased when it comes to this woman but she had one of my favorite scenes in the episode.That scene of her in the store... GOD! What a scene. The suspense, the thrill she got for doing something wrong and the possibility of getting caught, the song while everything was happening.. slowing down and down... PERFECT. She was trying so hard being good but this dark thing inside her was awakened and demanded to be fed.

She had a taste of it, of freedom from the dormant life she lead. This is a woman who lived, breathed, for everyone else but not for herself. Beth Boland never got a chance to know who she really is, what she likes to do, what she could be. She was molded into that momma persona and I think it’s natural that she struggles between being just that and the scary possibility of finding out what, who else she can be. 

If u had to start all over again, find out who else u wanted to be, wouldn’t u be afraid too? Yeah, for some ppl it can be exciting as well, but most people will feel fear also.

I think that by the last scene of her, she is feeling just like that: afraid but excited as hell.

When she laughed and said it was fun almost being caught by the feds? CHILLS literally chills !! Beth is flirting with this wild side of her that get’s excited with power and challenges.

This doesn’t make her a villain, in my opinion, just someone more complex and that is embracing this side we all have that makes us wonder: “what would be like to not care at all? For rules, for being nice and polite all the time, sometimes to ppl we hate or don’t care at all? What if I just cheat and lie to get what I want as other people do? They don’t seem to care and they are in a better place in life than me.”

I love when writers let us see how a character struggles between the lines of what we accept as morally right and what we think it’s a no-go for “good people” like us, when we know nobody is perfect or a saint.

Watching her sitting inside that car in the dark and then leaving... Her chair empty...

We saw earlier in the episode when Dean (stupid Dean) asks her if she misses it and she says “would it matter?”.  He says something else about her cookies and she just smiles but then we see the smile leaving her face and I was like:

OMG GIRL. I know.. I know it hurts and it sucks.

Her breaking down? One long time thing coming. She needed that. It also shows us that she might have another breakdown soon but this time with Dean. Beth is so fed up with just being the good momma, the good person... Always doing the right thing. No more. And if Dean keeps pushing her?

 Ohh I don’t wanna be him.

Beth x Rio.

ok Now, on these two. I let my shipper feels get the best of me. 

SUE ME.

I have this hopeless romantic side of me that can’t help but go all in in the feels.LOL

That being said:

DO I think that what Rio said in that promo was like a marriage proposal? OF COURSE NOT. And I am sure a lot of ppl know that. It’s called shipper behavior. We all allow ourselves to be a bit silly about it.

AGAIN. SUE ME. xD

We don’t know how that scene is gonna happen and what will be really said, in addition to what we heard them say but like u, dear follower or person who sees my posts in the tag know, I do believe Rio have personal reasons and way more practical ones to want Beth working for him again.

Some say it is a punishment for the headache she probably caused him when she said she was out. However, I’d argue that it is not that good of punishment because she likes it. She likes to work with him. She likes doing it. But yeah, for a lifetime? Not what I think she has in mind or will want it in the long run in that sense, I agree that it is one but not an effective one or the best way to punish her, RIGHT NOW.

And there is a big IF in what I said bc what if she ends up wanting to do that in the long run? We don’t know what direction Beth’s character will follow in the future.

Now back to the point, yeah it looks like a punishment and I’m sure she will freak out about Boomer’s body and we still don’t know what else Rio is gonna do and their relationship right now?

A mess. An UNHEALTHY, hot mess. Because again he has all the power.

Again Rio is gonna feed on her indecision and fears and he will get what he wants from her in the end bc this man is not playing around.

That is why I don’t think he has softened. Rio is like a snake. He will surprise u and attack when u less expect him to.

He surprised her in the park. He followed her or we can say he knows her well enough now to know exactly where she is. And again Rio showed her he is one step ahead of her ( and of everyone else it seems lol).

I see a man who is a planner, a charmer, a cold killer when he needs to be, a father, a rational, logical, smart man, controlling and who loves power and who also can be an attentive, soft lover if he also wants. He is a man who knows how to read people. But the fact that he reads Beth so well? I don’t think that is because she is weak, but rather that she is too much like him in some aspects.

He respects her. No one can say the contrary.

But he won’t let her ruin things for him, so here he is making sure she doesn’t, she goes to that park and tells her the FBI is going to BM bc if she gets caught? The feds will have info on the little operation they had there!

But they were also partners so, if he lets her go down for this, he only has things to lose. Her included. Because, yeah I believe he sees her as a valuable asset. 

Beth, with her efficiency, intelligence, and courage, secured herself a place in his organization, and people like her, even if a bit dangerous ( and are not all of them like that? the people he deals with on a daily basis?)? They are the kind of people born for what he does and he sure as hell won’t let her go.

And I believe he keeps pulling at the strings he has on her tighter bc he knows she is not sure of what she wants herself, but he won’t let her slip away from his fingers.

That is why I also think he is in way too deep with her. Why he let her under his skin and he is not thinking rationally, not 100%. She probably won’t use the dealership again ( for reasons - the FBI still there and Dean). I don’t know how she is gonna do it but she will go back to launder money for him and I believe he will help her with that.

DOES HE NEED TO?

NO.

She is taking too much of his time already. This woman is soo high maintenance. Too much of a headache.

However, I believe he likes it. He has fun with it. He lets her get away with too much. Oh, you all know I said that A LOT of times before.

I do believe he wants her, like hard still.

He is a man after all, who appreciates good, pretty, not too easy to get kind of things.

Beth Boland is like that. She is interesting.

Do I believe they will drive into the sunset together or that he will turn into a puppy for her?

 LMAO nope.

I’m happy with how the writers are handling things for now.

The only thing I hated was how they didn’t give us the trio comedy that Rio x Ruby x Annie is. But I guess they preferred to spend more time on that scene of the FBI breaking into Boland Motors 

But, yeah, I have faith in the writers and the cast bc they gave us a lot already and if they could make an episode look great even when heavy spoilers were published, oh just imagine what else they can give us.

I think we’ve been well fed compared to other shows ( I said that already but whatever. I still believe we are!)

Balance is not easy to manage and hell, I’m happy I’m not a writer bc damn,  it is not easy to keep everyone in a fandom happy.

( there is no way u can feed everyone, not all the time, right?)

sorry that this became such a monster of a post xD

#nbc good girls #beth x rio #ruby hill #annie marks #beth boland #omg look an essay #LOL

[xhaotixaesthetica]

College! Jaebum x Kinda Mad Genius! Reader

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

You are in: a genetic mutation of Gaia, the dwarf planet 

look at this cute ass idiot ugh my heart

so WE’RE GONNA SPICE HIS AU UP A BIT totally not because I’m already sick of the same reader inserts, just enjoy this as a story and don’t complain pls

in this au you’re an astrophysics and computer programming major, minoring in bioengineering

in other words, you’re smart af

like you’re one of those child prodigy kids

Graduated high school early and took a bunch of AP's and CLEP tests so you’re way ahead and somewhere in between a junior and a senior but since you’re so young, you just say you’re a junior

you literally have the IQ of a genius and a bunch of Ivy league schools got in a fight over you but you were like nah nah i want something fUn so you came to SEOUL WOO HOO

you get A's in everything without even trying but that's OK because it leaves more room for you to do more SCIENCE

currently in a polyamorous relationship between you, Math, and Science

you’re really fascinated by the complexity of the universe but at the same time really into physics and math so when you found out that astrophysics existed when you were like 12, you knew that was it for you

you barely have time to eat, much less be fashionable, so you wear pretty nothing but jeans, huge hoodies, Converse, and a super hero t-shirt underneath (same but just because i’m too broke to dress nice)

with good brains comes bad everything else and you’re a hot fucking mess

clumsy, notes scattered all over the place, writing astrophysics shit in the margins of all your papers and doodling constellations on them while the professor lectures, it’s bad

you’re actually kind of extroverted and hyper but you just focus all that energy into astrophysics so everyone thinks you’re a hermit

you’re not obsessed with video games and comic books specifically, you’re just obsessed with space

like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Ender's Game, Prey, Alien, Dead Space, and even Halo, you love em all, cause fuCkinGH spACE MAN same i’m a space gay

you aLwAyS pLaYS THE FUCKIN SPACE OVERTURE ON YOUR PHONE AND WALK IN SLOW MO INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND YOUR ROOMMATE IS LIKE I HAD TO WATCH THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

always writing reminders on yourself but they only help 60% of the time because you’re a hot mess

you can play the harp and the sitar?? the most random ass instruments, you literally have your harp in your bedroom and your sitar in your lab and like they were gifts from one of your cousins and you’re really protective over them

whenever you have a mental block you sit cross-legged and start playing your harp/sitar and chanting OM or the lyrics to We Will Rock You and your roommates are like omg they really are a mad scientist

you don't mind relationships but like no one wants to be with you cause they think you’re kind of fucking insane so you try not to think about it and just blow stuff up in the chem lab

like you’re really excited, you’ll gladly talk to people and you’re really bubbly and happy and friendly but all you talk about is astrophysics??? and you’re not on like level one, no you started reading college level astrophysics books when you were 14, you’re like wayyyy past PhD level so it's like you’re speaking another language

and no one wants to hang out with you like they think it's cute how passionate you are and how fucking just warm and open you are but still no one wants to be around you cause you’re like some sort of mad scientist and they're not interested in what you’re talking about

but you keep a smile on your face and keep to your astrophysics even though you start to think something's wrong with you and start getting kinda sad

aw bby :’(

and tHEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES that's when Jaebum came along

Jaebum is majoring in Ancient Studies and minoring in Greek and he’s Captain of the Football Team

pretty much every male-attracted person likes him but ain't no one going near that boy cause he is T E R R I F Y I N G

wears all black and never says anything and then when you talk to him he just has this resting bitch face on with no expression and everyone's like I’ll I’ljust go now and he just continues reading

he’s always reading with his earbuds in, you bother him it's your funeral

and it's weird cause like he has friends a precious few and ppl know he's not cold with them so why’s he ALWAYS COLD AND APATHETIC TO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE YOU GOOD MATE???

knows he's terrifying and uses it to his advantage

has no problem glaring down people who reach for the same thing at the supermarket or try cutting in front of him at starbuck’s and they near shit themselves

does not give two shits about all the people staring at him all the time as long as they don't talk to him or interrupt his reading

stays at home unless he's at class, practice, or a game

on the Dean’s List, and a massive teacher’s pet

but still, people just like to admire him for his looks and gush about how mysterious he is and that really irks him cause no one wants to actually spend the time to get to know him he’s not even that mysterious, he’s actually a bit of a crackhead so he's like i don't need y'all i have the Gupta Dynasty to keep me company

youngjae and yugyeom rolling their eyes, like HeRe HyUnG GOES AGAIN

knows more about ancient worlds than the current world?? like sometimes mark catches him staring at technology like it's an alien concept and he's like dude you've had a cell phone since you were like 12, when was the last time you had a break from reading that, chill out for a second and come back to modern times

and jb just scoffs like i don't need your modern times and buries his head in the book again but he just wants someone who's able to talk about the present AND the past with him without ignoring one cause he thinks both are really important

anyways one day you were late to an 8am class and you were rushing and dropped some papers and Jaebum came across it and he was like what in ThE HELL IS THIS cause first of all it was almost completely illegible and then when he did manage to read it, he couldn't understand it cause it was real complex math and science shit and he looked at the name and he knew who you were cause you’re the campus genius and the campus crazy

so he hunts you down until he comes across your lab later on in the day and you’re frantically looking through your BILLIONS OF PILES of looseleaf paper and jb's just thinking about how much of a fit jinyoung would have if he saw this tomfoolery

and he handed you your stuff and you were so grateful and friendly and you reminded him of a crazier version of youngjae

he couldn't help but be curious when he saw the really complicated math and science going on on your paper and he was like what's that, how does it work, what's the history

for a full fifteen seconds, you looked at him like he was god incarnate and you like i'M gLaD yOu AsKeD

and you were talking really fast but the way your eyes lit up when you talked about astrophysics and the way the sun from the window illuminated your features jfc

jb didn't believe in love in first sight he swore he didn't

unless it was you

like even if you weren’t conventionally pretty and most people wouldn't even notice you, bummie didn’t care, it was like you were the goddamn sun or something

he stops you in the middle of explaining and he's like look you're going a bit too fast, so could you repeat what you said but just a lil bit . . . slower

and for a long moment, you were stunned jungshook because like this boi . . . this devastatingly handsome boy who blows everyone off and makes them wet their pants in fear wants to hear me rant to him about astrophysics

and he actually wants you to slow it down so he can understand instead of just pretending to listen

and like you may be a genius but JB just broke your brain for a second

but then you jump back into it like yeah sure

and jae honestly finds you fucking adorable like how excited you get about astrophysics and he actually finds himself interested in it and then he starts talking about ancient cultures and greek and you already kinda know everything he's talking about and enjoy the conversation and he's all heart eyes

gets protective over you after like 2 days???

you don't care, you’re just happy there's someone who thinks you’re interesting so you don't even notice him glaring at anyone who talks to you and always hanging around you to scare other guys off

tbh bummie doesn't really comprehend why people don't like being around you cause like??? you’re so fucking pretty and cute?? you took all his uwus reader

only takes like 10 days before JB finds out you’re really affectionate and you’re hugging and cuddling all the time but he actually???likes it

and soon he's the one begging you for cuddles and you’re like ( ^_^) ofc babe lemme just finish doing these calculations right quick and JB's like asdfghjkl did they just call me what i think they just called me

but like you guys are always hanging at your lab and since JB doesn't really talk except with you and his friends and you never talk about anything but astrophysics on the off chance she gets back to the dorm in time enough to talk at all no one knows that you guys are even hanging out

it's not long after that jae asks you out and he takes you to an amusement park and you have a FiElD dAy because sooooooo much math? and pretty colors? and cotton candy? and he's made you the happiest person ever and in that moment when he sees your face he just can't help himself like pls be my s/o and you’re like ASDFGHJKL ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME RIGHT NOW JFC OFC

and he just drops a bomb on his friends like they're all going out to dinner and he brings you and he's got his arm around your waist and he's just like guys meet my s/o and everyone's choking like S/O We ThOuGhT YoU wErE aRo oR sMtHiNG and for a minute they're so confused because no one even knew jaebum was talking to someone much less the mad scientist person when did this happen

and like they can see all throughout dinner that you’re really fucking strange but it's kind of cute and it makes bummie happy so Welcome to the Family, we have cookies

lol friends? nope, say goodbye to those, everyone is so terrified of bummie and his resting bitch face and them muscles that they refuse to come near you cause you’ve basically got Jaebum stamped on your forehead but that's ok because somehow you became really good friends with his friends and like you have this group chat that jae's not in specifically so they can share embarrassing things for you to tease him about later

but bummie highkey encourages it because if he pretends to get mad, you’ll play your harp for him and he loves that shit

jaebum will knock the living daylights out of anyone who mistreats you or makes you feel bad

like one time yall were walking back after a date and this dude grabbed your ass and was about to open his mouth to say some vulgar shit but he didn’t even get the chance before jaebum LEAPED ON HIM LIKE A FUCKING INSECT AND MOWED HIS ASS D O W N

jae had like two scratches on him meanwhile the dude on the floor probably needed a goddamn ambulance and he just took your hand and continued walking like anyways, like i was saying, no one can give me a valid reason why I shouldn’t get a cat

yall will 10/10 adopt a cat together

well it was supposed to be one but yall were weak bitches, so it turned into 3 same

at first yall rotated the cats between y’all’s apartments but then you were both like let’s just fucking move in together omfg

bam bam constantly breaks into your apartment to play with your cats

you come and cheer jae on at his football games

the first time everyone was SHOOK 

for fuck’s sake, you just learned what a touchdown was when you infiltrated a superbowl party for the food sAME, why tf were you even here

but then they saw jae beam at you and they were like omfg, they’re these people

when they win, he runs up and scoops you into his arms and spins you around, pressing a bunch of kisses all over your face and calling ou his good luck charm and you’re screaming at him for hugging you while he’s sweaty and gross even though you’re laughing and kissing him back

when he loses, you and him go to McDonalds after he showers and you just sit at a table eating while he nuzzles his head in your neck and sulks

reader, i highkey advise you to get a couple tats or a body piercing and not tell him

just have your hoodie off one day so he happens to see the tat/piercing and you’ll see his eyes darken and he’s trying to keep calm like

“i didn’t know you had tattoos/piercings”

and he’s looking down at you so intensely he’s almost glaring

“i do, wanna try and find them all?”

you did it

you activated beast mode

whenever jae sees you upset or sad, he’ll just engulf you with his whole body and you can smell his aftershave and feel his warmth while he puts on calming music and tells you greek myths in that smooth, soothing voice

and when you have your head on his chest, half asleep, he’ll just kind of stop for a second because holy fuuck, you’re so gorgeous and you’re his? how did he land you?? he’s the luckiest guy in the world?

and when you look up, wondering why he stopped talking, you see him looking at you with just this really soft, mushy look of complete adoration and before you can even say anything, he’s like i fucking love you

I WAS GONNA WRITE MORE, BUT I GOTTA END IT NOW, I’M FUCKING SOFT HNNNGGH 

Gaia, the dwarf planet 

#got7 #fluff #jaebum #college au #got imagine #got7 headcanon #reader insert #genius! reader #kpop #got7 scenarios #this is highkey cheesy and cliche and idgaf i love it #youngjae #mark #jinyoung #bambam #yugyeom #gaia #genetic mutation #gaia genetic mutation

[bensonstablers]

in my person opinion, dean will never be redeemed -not through my eyes, because lying about having cancer to your spouse to keep them tied up is just disgusting. it reminds me of those toxic ass ppl that when u try and break up w them they threaten suicide. but above everything else, he can never be redeemed until all the shit he's done has been processed and PROPERLY addressed. fake cancer? losing all her money? blackmailing her w the children?? HELLo

I don’t think he’ll be redeemed either, anon, and I don’t think the show is trying to redeem him or ever will.

They’ve shown him as trying to learn from his past mistakes, like how he brought up divorce after trying to worm his way out of it for so long and how he owned up to his cheating to his mother and cited that as the catalyst for his marriage ending. But I’ve said this before, the writers don’t seem to be doing this in order to make Dean the better person or to redeem him. Dean starting to learn from his mistakes and genuinely taking the blame for certain things (at least to an extent) is only going to make it easier for him and Beth to co-exist so they can raise their kids together despite being divorced.

However, he’s still showcased as being a bit of a dick. He’s still selfish and clearly has this idea of what his life should be like and it mostly revolves around him and what he wants. Dean is that type of person who doesn’t care how their actions affect other people but does care when those same things happen to him. I’ve said it before but Dean is clearly hurt by the idea of Beth cheating (although I wouldn’t call it cheating) and he doesn’t like feeling underestimated, looked down on, nor the idea of feeling like he’s trapped in a situation he doesn’t want to be in but the thing is, he didn’t care about those things when Beth was feeling them, it’s only now that he has to deal with the negative effects that it suddenly bothers him.

Every “good” thing that Dean does is often uprooted by him doing something not so good. For example, yes, he did (in the last episode) suggest that they figure a way to both have custody of the kids but he took ages to finally tell her that. Whenever Beth asked about it, he didn’t answer and he must have known how anxious that would have made her feel, especially considering her desperation when he took the kids before.

And speaking of the kids, while I do think that taking them was partly because he feared what might happen (we have to remember Dean has only ever seen Rio being violent/intimidating - shooting him, smashing the car, standing outside his house with a gun - he has a narrow view of Rio but we still have to take that into consideration), but it’s also hard to deny the fact that it was also a decision driven by jealousy. I mean it’s no coincidence that he took the kids after Beth showed she cared more about her money and then also defended Rio (”He's wrecking our lives.” // “You're not helping.”) He was hurt and he knew exactly how to hurt her back.

Basically, it doesn’t matter how many times he tries to redeem himself and do something good because he’s proven that he’s not really going to change.

Sorry this got longer than I expected but I hope you’re having a nice day, anon!

#nbc good girls #danielle answers #danielle talks about good girls #danielle talks fandom #anon