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lacollectionneuse1967 · 5 months

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slip of the tongue part 3 - reckoning

Theseus Scamander x Reader

"Keep your hands to yourself!" You snap, trying to infuse as much venom into your voice as possible. "I can't," he groans.

summary: a second mission with newt and the group reintroduces theseus's former fiancée, leta lestrange, into the mix. old wounds and insecurities flare as you both reckon with your pasts and make decisions that determine your future.

fem!reader. theseus scamander x reader.

category: romance with plot. some smut. slight angst!! non-canon compliant.

warnings: 18+ smut, semi-public inappropriate touching, dirty talk, hand kink

part one / part two / part three

author's note: it's funny how the title of this fic doesn't really fit anymore HAHA, goes to show that i did not plan this story at all. this part is going to be LONGER & more focused on plot & their character development! hope you enjoy, as always let me know if you'd like me to continue :)

The surreal, electric buzz from the gala dissipates as soon as you enter the elevator at the Hotel de Rome with Theseus.

Theseus's jacket is so large you're practically drowning in it, the sleeves hang well past your hands. You feel like a little girl in a nightgown. The elevator pulleys burr mechanically as it slowly rises, the electric bulb light casting your face in a sickly, ghastly light. The backs of your high heels have begun to dig painfully into your skin, that stinging pain the only thing grounding you to reality, that and Theseus's warm body beside you. You're positive your feet are bleeding.

Your weariness is mirrored in everyone else's faces when you walk into the hotel room at last. It's obvious that they're all overextended. There's no semblance of victoriousness, even after your successful heist.

Newt stands, alert, at the sight of his brother.

"Theseus! Finally, I was beginning to worry-"

"I'm fine, brother," Theseus waves him off. His hair is slightly damp from the snowfall, and his dress shirt as well. "We got caught up, but we're fine."

When Newt turns to speak to you, his lips part but no words come out. He's staring at your mouth. He looks pale and horrified.

"What?" You turn to the others and to Theseus in uncertainty. Tina and Jacob are also looking at you with newfound distress, but Theseus seems as clueless as you, frowning warily at Newt.

Newt makes as if to bring a hand to your face but pulls back at the last moment.

"Oh dear," Newt says. "Y-Your lipstick is smeared... I'm so terribly sorry, Y/N. And your hair—I didn’t think Dietrich would actually-"

Theseus half-raises an arm, cutting his brother short, looking admonished.

“Actually, Newt, that would be my doing...”

Your face warms considerably. Newt chokes on his words.

“Oh…” He turns to the rest of the group, his face nearly flushed as yours. Jacob lets out a strangled noise and Tina does a discreet double-take between you and Theseus.

“Well,” says Newt, mercifully changing the subject. “We all made off fantastically. Good work.”

You want to share in his congratulations, but it feels premature with Grindelwald still at large. It doesn't feel as though you have much to celebrate in this tiny hotel room, the five of you still standing awkwardly in your evening wear.

"What now?" Asks Tina.

Newt sits on one of the two twin-sized beds and hunches over, forearms on his legs. He is your designated leader, but you have to admit he looks so small and frail without his coat. Thin and unsure of himself.

"I have it on good authority that Credence will be at a mausoleum in the French Alps. He could be heading there now, we have no way of knowing, but he is planning on going there soon. Tomorrow, maybe."

"Why?" Tina's face is full of emotion. You don't know who Credence is, or why he is important to the resistance, but you don't feel that now is the time to ask. It stuns you, the subtlety of her expression, how someone can look so crushed and full of love at once.

"He's, erm, searching for his ancestral records I believe," Newt answers. "The Lestrange artifacts and family tree were moved there from the cemetery in Paris, possibly by Grindelwald. This is likely all a trap set for Credence, but this could very well be our last chance to intercept him. To save him."

Tina is speechless, Jacob nods solemnly.

"Y/N," says Newt. It startles you to hear him say your name in all of this deliberation. "I know you probably don't understand half of what we're saying, and we understand if you don't want to come. But we'll likely run into Grindelwald and his followers. They're after Credence. We could use you."

You don't even have to think.

"Of course, Newt. I go where Theseus goes." You wonder if you sound too intense, too devoted, so you add: "And besides, I want to be of any help that I can."

Theseus reaches out and clasps your hand in his. It thrills you, for him to do this in front of his brother, in front of the others. Your heart races, happily so.

Newt smiles at the sight.

"Sleep," he turns to everyone. "We leave first thing in the morning."

----

The next day, by the time you make it to the French Alps in spats of apparition and stretches of traveling by train, it is nearly dusk again.

You and Theseus had slept like the dead in the too-small hotel room bed, with Tina in the other bed and Jacob and Newt, in a turn of events beyond your understanding, in some hidden compartment within Newt's brown leather suitcase. Strange, but you didn't question it. Your bodies ached when you woke, but it felt like heaven to you, being held by him, you wouldn't have traded it for the world.

"I'm too big for this bed," he lamented, stretching his limbs, when the two of you woke in the morning.

"Hmm, yeah. Too big... " When you smiled coyly and narrowed your eyes at him he threw a pillow at your face. You caught it with a laugh.

"Naughty," he chided.

"The resistance," as Theseus had once jokingly called it, turned out to be not so glamorous after all. The resistance was perpetually tired and forever embarking on some haphazard plans only half-understood.

But when you set foot at the base of the mountains in the Alps, you feel bizarrely energized. This is what you imagined the work of an Auror would be like, chasing leads, pursuing justice through crowded cities and rugged terrain. It feels good to be so proactive after a year of being more or less cooped up in an office at the Ministry. And, best of all, Theseus is here with you. And he wants you, if not your heart then your body, at last, at least...

"This can't be it, Newt," you hear Jacob say, his breath pluming in front of him in small huffs. He struggles through the thick snowbed to catch up to Newt, who is a bit ahead of the group. You're in what looks like a forest clearing, the mountains rise in the distance, gargantuan and feeling a bit holy in their emptiness, their silence.

"He's right. There's nothing out here," calls Tina.

It's a winter forest. A killing wood. In truth, you’ve never been so cold in your entire life. The whole world has turned white as death: white blizzard blotting the air, thick blankets of fresh snow carpet the ground, and everywhere outside the clearing are great white pines standing like sentries, their edges blurred and softened by the snow fog.

You can see what’s in front of you, but you can’t see what’s coming.

Newt walks clumsily back through the budding blizzard to rejoin the group.

"The mausoleum should be a bit uphill from here!" He assures. "It's concealed by magic. Credence doesn't know, but we need someone with the blood of a Lestrange to enter."

The blood of a Lestrange.

Before you can even make the connection, Theseus stiffens beside you and drops your hand.

"Newt, you didn't." His voice is grave.

"I'm so sorry."

You wonder in a shrugging, aloof way why Newt looks to you after saying this to Theseus. It still doesn't mean anything to you.

A branch cracks, a high, ear-splitting sound like a broken bone. When you see the figure emerge from the tree line, your hand is already on your wand.

Grindelwald, you think.

But then Theseus's arm snaps out to yours, stilling your hand, almost just as quick.

"Don't." He says.

She approaches you slowly and you make out who it is almost immediately, just by the shape of her silhouette. Theseus and Newt's reactions make sense now, it all clicks into place with resounding dread. You feel the word "oh" in the pit of your stomach like a dropped stone.

Floating from the forest like that, in her wine-colored silk dress and black coat, Leta Lestrange really does look something like a ghost, or an angel...

When she approaches she walks straight to Theseus.

"Newt wrote to me," she says loud enough for everyone to hear, but she is only looking at Theseus. Looking at him like she's searching for some lifeline there. "Credence thinks he's my brother... We both know this cannot be true. I can help you get inside the mausoleum. I want to help you."

You dare to look at Theseus, bracing yourself. He looks genuinely stricken, lips parted, palms open and hanging limp beside him. So little affects him, he's so confident and secure in himself. But there in the clearing, the look on his face...

Before anyone can speak Newt steps forward again.

"I'm so sorry, but we need to get to Credence before Grindelwald. We have to go. Credence is... sensitive. He's afraid. It's best Tina and I go ahead. Leta, Theseus," he turns to the two, who are having some silent conversation with their eyes. It's so private and familiar you have to look away, you want to scream. "You two follow closely behind."

"What about me?" Jacob chimes in with a nervous laugh.

Newt tilts his head and gives Jacob a sympathetic smile.

"Don't worry, my friend. I won't leave you to the wolves. Y/N is a brilliant duelist and a master of all sorts of charms. You two will stay at the very back and wait outside the mausoleum. We can't afford to frighten Credence, and you need to alert us if you see any of Grindelwald's followers coming our way."

You nod numbly. Some roaring white noise fills your ears, anesthetizing the scene in front of you.

"Theseus," you hear Leta say softly. She places a gloved hand on his forearm. "Can I speak with you on the way there?"

"Of course," he responds, graciously, easily. She leads him up ahead.

You keep hoping Theseus will turn to you, even just to look back at you, to reassure, to reconnect now that Leta has been thrust back into the mix between you.

He does not turn back. You stare blankly at the back of his head as it disappears in the blurring snow. He follows Leta into the woods like a man being swept away by magic, following some siren song you can't hear.

'I can't compete with her,' you realize achingly. The truth rings dully in the pit of your stomach, metallically. 'They were engaged. They've been connected since childhood... I'm nothing.'

You try not to wring your hands or shuffle your feet, try not to look like someone left behind, wounded. You blink at the delicate crystals of snow that land on your lashes, hoping that the others don't mistake them for tears.

Newt comes over to you cautiously. He's not one for knowing what to say, but he's perceptive, and kind. Sinking, sinking, you can feel your heart being pulled to your feet and swallowed by the ground.

"Y/N," he begins. "I'm sure... When they were together—but when they separated…" He swallows and starts again. "I’m quite sure my brother’s mind is made up. I know he cares for you too, though I don’t know if he made you any promises-"

“He did not,” your voice sounds acrid, bitter to your ears, petulant, and you hate it. “It’s fine, really.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s okay. He doesn’t owe me anything.”

'And I don't owe him anything,' you finish in your mind. When really you love him like breathing, need him like water. You're just trying not to let it show.

You want to be nonchalant and unaffected, want to give only what he’ll take. You don’t want to ask for too much.

You don’t know why loving always takes the form of limitation with you. You withheld your feelings for him for nearly a year. You only ever do what he asks. You turned down jobs and tried your best not to burden him with your feelings, with your past.

Why this mode of loving, why starvation and restraint, when love itself, for you, felt like every door in you burst open at the sight of his face? It was a wild and unwieldy joy, a freeing sort of affection that you felt for him. Now and always.

You swallow thickly, embarrassed at the speed at which he abandoned you for her. Embarrassed by the way Tina and Newt and Jacob, even, are looking at you.

"Let's go," you say, trying to sound encouraging. Newt and Tina run ahead. You and Jacob walk in silence uphill, trudging through the snow.

----

In the end you don't see any action at all. The mausoleum appeared at Leta's beckoning, a wave of her wand and the stunning glass building, hexagonal, glittered into solidity in front of you. You and Jacob waited outside, as instructed, but through the thick, crystalline glass you could make out that the bodies and artifacts were housed in beautiful stone tombs, scattered in the glass room like giant chess pieces, and you could see what unfolded within.

Leta, Newt, and Tina were talking to Credence. They met him down where he was crouched on the floor, explaining something to him in hushed tones. He was sobbing so softly. And then he was gone, and so was Tina, who left with him.

You feel so utterly mute, so adrift, you're glad that Jacob doesn't speak to you.

Newt is the one who jogs out to you and Jacob. Theseus is still inside talking to Leta, who seems sad in a soft, unperturbed way. He's gazing at her so gently as she speaks. It's the way he looks at small animals, and children, and the people he loves.

Looking at them feels like looking at a photograph, or like looking through the windows at Primrose Hill when you were a child, before you'd outgrown the title of "orphan." You would escape the orphanage to peek into the townhouses, the family homes overlooking Regent's Park. Dining tables and grand pianos, all the lights on. Nothing to hide...

"Y/N," Newt says breathlessly. "We better get going. We beat Grindelwald here, but I don't know by how much."

You cross your arms to help with the cold.

"Okay. Where are we going-"

"Oh, it's probably best if you go back to London. Back to the Ministry. Lay low until you hear from me, or Dumbledore."

You don't know why his goodbye is so cutting. You know that he's not abandoning you too, but it's almost too much.

He purses his lips sympathetically.

"Stay safe, Y/N. Grindelwald is planning something big. But if we act any earlier Grindelwald and the Ministry will be onto us and our efforts will have been in vain."

"I know," you say. "I understand."

You apparate away without another word. You try not to think about the two of them, in the forest clearing, in the glass mausoleum, together in all the years before that, but you allow yourself to wonder when Theseus will notice that you're gone.

----

On Monday you call in sick. You've never called in sick once in your entire time at the Ministry, so your request for a sick day is accepted easily and without complaint.

You sleep the whole day and do not answer the door when you hear the knocks. Knowing who they belong to is agonizing enough. He'd never been to your place before, but you can't imagine that it was difficult for him to procure the address.

You wake from your day of fitful, restless sleeping around 2am. Moonlight streams cold and bright through your chiffon curtains, filling your apartment with blue and silver shadows that you find comforting, beautiful maybe.

When you pad out into your living room, barefoot, you see a letter on the hardwood floor. A creamy envelope that had been slipped under the doorframe, waiting there for you like magic.

You bend down to pick it up and open it. There's nothing on the envelope itself, but you'd know him by handwriting alone, by his breathing, his scent.

Dear Y/N,

I know you're not sick. Because you're never sick. You have the most formidable immune system I've ever come across and I think muggle doctors should study you in a lab for it. But, I confess, that's beside the point...

I know you're cross with me. Please, if I have upset you or, worse, if I've broken your heart, I can assure you it was never my intention. Meaning: if I hurt you it is because I am a fool, and not because you are deserving of any hurt.

Forgive me for my behavior yesterday. I needed to resolve some things, and Leta's arrival was a true shock for me. I behaved poorly to you, but even more unforgivably to Leta, who I left mere weeks before our wedding, confessing my love for another woman. The pain I've caused her haunts me, and I was happy to be absolved of it yesterday evening. Happy to answer her questions and to be forgiven. But I should not have left you there alone. I should not have let go of your hand. I damn myself, because as much as I love you, it seems I've never been able to do it well.

I hope this pitiful explanation and guileless apology will suffice. Come, pretty girl. Come to work tomorrow, I beg you. My whole life is on the floor without you, nothing works, my head's a mess.

Yours,

You heart clenches painfully. Your lungs constrict and your hand tightens around the letter. You love him. You want to let it go, what happened between him and Leta, and you and him, in the clearing.

But you can't.

----

Apparently, it's going to be a week of first-times. Because, also for the first time in your career at the Ministry, you are running late.

"Fuck," you hiss to yourself. You hate traveling by Floo Flame, are used to the muggle comforts of walking and the London Underground, but you don't have time.

You dust off the fireplace ash from your shoulders as you walk through the British Ministry.

"Y/N!" you hear. The voice slices through the bustle and noise of the suit-clad workers not with its volume but with its familiarity.

It's him.

'Oh, god. Already?' You'd been hoping to avoid Theseus today. An impossible task, considering he was your boss, but you'd taken on more impossible tasks before. Bigger monsters.

"Y/N, hold on!" Theseus shouts again.

You have to speed up your walking to a near-comical pace to escape his long-legged strides. Hard to do in heels.

You turn your body sideways and push forward through a thicket of office workers with an "Excuse me! So sorry!" to shoulder your way into an empty elevator.

You slump against the back wall, exhaling deeply in relief. No Theseus-encounter after all. You really managed to-

"Aha!" Theseus exclaims, interjecting his overstretched hand just as the elevator doors begin to close. "Perfect. I was just looking for you, Y/N."

You don't respond, but huff in indignation and move aside, making room for him in the small elevator. He presses your floor number, level two, looking far too self-satisfied for someone who just ran across the marble floors of the Ministry of Magic, unrepentantly.

Your heart pounds as the elevator begins to move, you don't know why you can't look at him. Maybe it's because you know, if you did, all would be forgiven. You jolt when he leans forward and pulls the emergency break. The elevator comes to a jerking, screeching halt.

When he looks at you, sidelong, your stomach flips.

"C'mere," he mumbles, and moves to trap your body against the wall.

Your body responds differently than your mouth, arching against the wall, pushing closer to him.

"Ugh, no," you say, mournfully. You want it bad, want him. But you're still angry. It's oddly possessing, the notion that just a kiss from him could save you.

Your words do give him pause, however. He's standing so close to you he basically has you up against the wall, there's no escaping him. His chest heaves, you can feel his breath against your face. You want to press his open mouth to yours, to taste it, open yours to his tongue.

"No?" He echoes dubiously. "Did... did you not get my letter?"

"I got your letter," you retort, feeling flustered. "I found it... insufficient."

He starts forward again, a hand cups your ass. You slap it away.

"Keep your hands to yourself!" You snap, trying to infuse as much venom into your voice as possible.

"I can't," he groans.

"Try harder."

"I am rational and measured about all things in life, except for this, for you."

"Try harder," you say again, more forcefully, ignoring him.

"Hmm," he hums, considering. You don't move this time when his hand traces your thigh through the material of your skirt, you just stare, mesmerized. Your skin breaks out in chills. His fingertips move in lazy, dancing circles.

His hands, his fucking hands. They're so big. Long, elegant fingers with large knuckles. The veins there, the fact that you know what his fingers feel like inside of you...

Theseus follows your gaze with his eyes and scoffs, but not unkindly.

"You want my fingers inside of you, baby?"

He doesn't wait, and when you don't protest he doesn't stop. His hands slide under your skirt, one of his thumbs is pressing firmly against your clit through the lacy material of your underwear. He applies such a steady, unmoving pressure, staring into your eyes relentlessly and leaning his thumb harder and harder into that one spot until you squirm back against the wall with a ragged moan, breaking his burning gaze, not sure if you're more desperate to escape the sensation or to keep feeling it, over and over again.

"Theseus," his name sounds filthy out of your mouth, heady as a moan, though you're actually trying to tell him something. "Really, I just-"

The elevator lurches forward again, shuddering in place for a few moments before resuming its path with a piercing screech. You tumble into Theseus, losing your balance, and he catches you with both his arms.

"What did-"

"I don't know," he says, helping you right yourself, looking over his shoulder at the doors.

The elevator stops at level six, the Department of Magical Transportation. Your face is still flushed red and tingling with heat when the ornamental brass doors slide open and the two of you are greeted by a curious, gawking group of wizards that includes the department head, Mr. Silas Elodius.

"Oh, heavens! Mr. Scamander, it's you," Silas Elodius is a unfailingly happy, plump man. "We were wondering what must've happened! It seemed the two of you got stuck. Well, all sorted now!" He laughs heartily. "Trust our department to get you moving again."

Theseus returns the laugh, a little less enthusiastically. The both of you move against the back wall of the elevator to allow the large group to shuffle in.

"Excuse us, we're headed to level three," Silas smiles wildly, toothily. He tends to talk through his smiling, which makes his next admission all the more horrific. "Terrible accident involving a misplaced potion bottle on the Knight Bus! Boom! Limbs lost. Really nasty business."

"Erm," Theseus seems shaken, at a loss of how to respond, which is uncommon for him. "We'll be level two."

"Right, of course!" Mr. Elodius motions impatiently for one of his several colleagues to press the button. With the combined weight of everyone there, the elevator moves slowly, dragging sluggishly upwards through space. Thankfully, the group does not turn back to you or Theseus, preoccupied with their own small conversations.

Your heart is still thumping pitifully, your pussy still throbbing and aching around nothing, craving his fingers, stuffed inside. You're wet, and there is no relief in sight. But you still want, need, to be mad at him.

"Y/N," Theseus is leaning in, speaking so low that only you can hear him. The sound of your name in his mouth, it's a purr, a plea.

You shudder. "Theseus, please don't."

"If this were my office," he whispers. His hand returns to the front of your skirt, slips beneath the hemline and nudges your underwear aside, slides up, embarrassingly easily, between your slick folds. You lean back against the wall in silent prayer, for him. You're frozen, incapable of moving, incapable of telling him to stop.

"If this were my office," he continues, voice thick and ragged. His finger moves leisurely, pumping in and out, driving you crazy. "I'd have you on my desk with your legs up. And I'd lick you until you cried. I bet you're such a pretty crier. I wanna make you come on my mouth, my tongue."

It takes everything in you to remain quiet, to remain still. Just as you begin to lose yourself in the feeling, your head going pleasantly fuzzy, the elevator dings and he retracts his hand, smoothly, unfussily.

He looks so unaffected, leaning back against the wall. It's you who has to bow your head to avoid Mr. Elodius's eyeline. Your knees tremble.

"Well, this is us! Best of luck, Scamander." Mr. Elodius waits for his people to file out of the elevator before departing.

Theseus salutes him with two fingers, in a charmingly youthful way.

When the doors close again you've recovered more of yourself, your wits.

"Where were we?" He corners you again, kissing the side of your neck.

"I'm mad at you, Theseus." You don't stop him from kissing your neck, but you grip his wrist, haltingly hard, when it starts to reach under your skirt again.

"Mm," he hums against your throat, noting the way you expose more of it, craning it for his access. "No, you're not."

With a nip of his teeth, he extracts a whine and a tremor down your legs. You imagine his hands, his beautiful big hands, coming around your throat, squeezing, applying pressure there until you go light-headed. You want to be choked by him. You want to get down on your knees in this elevator and unbuckle his belt and take him into your mouth until he's the one who is needy and whining, wanting it bad, moaning and praising you, calling you a good girl.

The elevator dings for the final time and you have to physically push him off of you. He falls back without a fight.

"Our floor," you say, trying to make your expression into something like a glare. You're not very good at resenting him.

For a moment you're not sure what he's going to do to you. It's scandalizing and rousing, the idea that he might grab you, touch you anyway. The look in his eyes is black and beyond hungry, sapped of all restraint. He gulps and clenches his jaw. Blinks at last.

Ever the gentleman.

"Of course, after you," Theseus says. He motions for you to walk ahead of him.

You stomp off to your shared office, trying pathetically to fix your skirt and your hair and any other part of you that looks disheveled.

When he comes into his office behind you and closes the door, latching the lock, he looks equally undone. Vulnerable almost. It's not only that he needs you, which he does, but that he wants to make it okay and doesn't know how.

"Y/N," he makes a vague, defenseless gesture, throwing up his arms weakly, and sighs. "I don't.... How can I make it right? How can I make it up to you?"

It's a cheerless, pitiful noise, your responding laugh.

"Don't worry, Theseus. I got your letter. And besides, I manage my hopes quite well on my own."

"I wish you wouldn't. Don't."

You scoff.

"No, it's my fault for hoping for more from you. You're asking me to, what, put my faith in the world?" You know your tone is sharper than intended, and your expression is that of a burned woman, hardened and jaded.

But he doesn't hold it against you. You try not to flinch away when he steps forward and brings a hand up to your face, to your cheek.

"No, I'm asking you to put your faith in me."

You could cry at this tenderness he's affording you.

"I just," you gently place your hand over his and lower it from your face. "I just can't believe that you don't feel anything for her. I can't shake the way I felt watching you leave me, without a second glance."

Your voice breaks on the last word. You're admitting more than you bargained for. Admitting that this is the way you've felt your entire life. The orphanage, your parents, every adult who promised to help you, to save you, and didn't. It was too familiar of a pain for it to hurt as badly as it did, being left behind.

"Leta, she... I don't know what you mean," he says, shaking his head.

“Theseus, I'm not stupid! I saw the way you went after her! The way you left me behind, it was like I ceased to exist. You obviously still have feelings for her—"

“I have feelings for you!" He raises his voice in frustration, and it startles you. "She’s the one I left behind, for you.”

You feel so worked up, so overheated. You don't want to be fighting with him, not now, not ever.

"I-I don't believe you-"

"Y/N, you are essentially calling me a liar right now. I don't know what else I can say to make you believe it, you act as if I took off with her and kissed her-"

"You didn't have to! You already have been for the last two years, Theseus!" Your hands are wavering, your bottom lip too. "I don't believe you because, if it's true what you told me, about you leaving her for me, why didn't you act in the months after?! You proposed to Leta mere months after dating, but for the months you were single you didn't try to-"

"I was your boss, Y/N! I was trying to be a good man, a good friend!" He rakes a hand through his hair roughly.

"So I'm just supposed to believe that you left your fiancée to live a life as my friend? To continue working with me like-"

“I apologize if that’s too difficult for you to believe, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.” His tone is brusque, almost business-like.

It's like a shot to the heart. His lack of understanding, lack of seeing.

“Too difficult for me to believe? Me?!” You’ve never raised your voice at him like this, every word is straining out of you, painfully. Any semblance of control you had is unspooling, rapidly. “Theseus, my second month here I was offered a position as an Auror, my dream job, what I’d worked so hard for at school, and I turned it down to keep being your assistant! I turned it down to keep living a life in your shadow. I thought that if I could make myself smaller for you I could-"

You can’t continue, the tears rise up in a saltwater tide in your lungs. You turn your head away, quick, so he doesn’t see your face break.

"Y/N," he says, gentle, broken. "Y/N, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Maybe you didn't want to know. I... I know you desire me, Theseus. I'm sorry, at one point I thought I could just sleep with you, and I wouldn't need anything more, but.... Oh, god, I'm sorry."

You rub at your eyes aggressively, even as the tears continue to fall, in a self-conscious and fruitless display.

He looks so lost, looks like he very badly wants to comfort you, to hug you, but no longer knows if he's allowed to.

"Y/N, I can recommend you for promotion, I can-"

"It's fine, Theseus. I made my decision and I've lived with it. There are no open positions right now anyway, the post was filled."

It's silent for long enough that the quiet no longer hangs there like an awful, third body between you. You regain your composure, the tears pass and give way to a hollow feeling.

"Y/N," Theseus speaks at last. He's standing across his office still, but the look in his eyes is so full of longing and yearning, he could've been across a train platform, a crowded room, a continent. "I have not been doing this right. I should've asked you to be my girlfriend a long time ago, I know. For that I am ashamed. But..."

He licks his lips and inhales sharply, trying to find the words.

"Y/N, please don't accuse me of lusting after you. What I feel for you is nothing so shallow as lust. Yes, I want to be inside you all the time, but that's because being close to you, this," he steps forward and places a cold hand against your chest demonstratively, below your neck, skin to skin, "This isn't close enough."

You look up into his seaglass eyes, your heart in tatters. Him, it's always been him.

"I miss you when I'm with you," he says. "I love you, I've told you before and I'll tell you again and again, but it's up to you to believe it, sweetheart."

When you still don't say anything, can't find the words, he looks crestfallen, closes his eyes.

"What do you want?" he asks you, opening them.

And you can't answer. To love him freely? To feel held and chosen by him? To live your dreams and relinquish your past without shame or grief or hesitation? Before you begin to say anything at all, the words building and budding at the back of your throat like a flower about to bloom, a knock sounds at the door.

Theseus closes his eyes and sighs, pained.

"Theseus-"

"I have to go," he says tersely. "I've been gone with my brother for too long. The department heads have called me in for questioning. I don't know when I'll be out."

You nod, swallowing.

He looks at your face, a look of determination settling on his.

"I promise to make it right."

----

It's past closing time and Theseus still has not returned from the depths of whatever secret, dim-lit corner of the Ministry they took him to for questioning. All day you've spent heartlessly filling out paperwork, finishing up your research assignments, stewing in anxiety.

Please, keep him safe. You think to no one in particular. Please.

You reluctantly leave the office, hoping to find him in the Atrium. You sit there glumly at the edge of the fountain, shooting periodic glances towards the elevators and the staircases, hoping to see him emerging from the Department of Mysteries, maybe, or the Courtrooms. Even the paper missives, usually magicked into airplane and bird shapes, have stopped flying overhead in the Atrium. The Ministry is emptying out, there's hardly any foot traffic at all.

You feel as though you handled everything, your insecurities and emotions, so artlessly, so recklessly in your last conversation. You are aching to make it better.

Eventually, you walk back to level two in a daze, pushing through the heavy oak door to the Aurors Offices with all the attention of a sleepwalker, your mind elsewhere.

You nearly trip on the house elf in front of the door when you stumble into Theseus's office. The elf grumbles in discontent.

House elves? Your shared office is hardly recognizable. Half-cleaned out, three Ministry house elves are busy at work, boxing and taping and scrubbing the furniture and shelves clean. Your stomach lurches.

Theseus. Where are all his things? Was he found out? Arrested?

Your voice sounds like a stranger's to your ears, so transformed by sheer panic.

"Hello, excuse me!" You say to one of the house elves. He looks over in open disdain, though you can't blame him, seeing as you almost crushed him just now. "Hi, yes, what is going on? What are you doing with Mr. Scamander's things? I'm his assistant."

"Mr. Scamander," the elf drawls, setting aside his mop bucket with a melodramatic thunk and splash. "No longer works here."

The elf tries to turn back to his work when you lunge forward and grasp him by the shoulder. He looks at your hand on him in abject shock.

"Please!" You beg, falling to your knees to better convince the house elf. "I need to know what's happened to him, it's important."

"Nothing has happened to him, miss. He turned in his letter of resignation an hour or so ago!" The elf shakes you off of him, none too gently.

He gestures rudely to the two, untouched pieces of paper laid out on the desk. Everything else has been cleared.

You snatch up the nearest page with a shaking hand, eyes racing over the words.

It's from the heads of your department, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and it confirms what the elf told you. Theseus gave up his position and designated you as the one he desired to fill the post. The Aurorship is yours.

The letter requested that you complete a trial period of one month, as it was unheard of for a witch with no Auror experience to take up the Head Auror post. But they were amenable if the trial period went well. These were dark days, recruits were scarce and few other Aurors were jumping to fill the position. Your confirmation meeting with the department heads was to be after work, at 7pm.

It's nearly that time now.

You blink at the words on the page, astounded and a bit shell-shocked.

You're hardly thinking at all when you pick up the second letter, hands moving with an automaton, detached fluidity.

Dearest Y/N,

The questioning did not go well. I had to act quickly, darling. I was thinking only of you.

Take the Head Auror position and be safe and happy forever. Blamelessly, and knowing you are loved.

Or, meet me at King's Cross Station tonight, at 7:15pm. If you'll have me, if you love me. I'm joining the fight against Grindelwald, for good. I'm meeting my brother and the others at Hogsmeade.

I am horrified that you ever put me over your dreams, and that I gave you so little in return for it. If I could turn back time, I would've done it all differently. I would've made you mine.

My love, you couldn't answer me when I asked you what you wanted today, so I wanted to give you this choice now.

It did not make much sense for me to stay at the Ministry. They were suspicious of me from the start, war hero or not, because of my relation to Newt. You could do wonderful things, have so much more influence than I could. There were no other open Auror positions for you to take but mine, but I can give you this one part of my life, easily. God knows I'd give you the rest if you asked.

I cannot promise your safety, or your happiness, but I can promise to love you, as I do now, as I always have, no matter what you decide. My heart is yours alone. All you have to do is reach out and take it.

Yours,

Theseus

Reading the words on the page, feeling your own breath suck in and whoosh out of your lungs, hearing it, it's all so surreal.

Your heart flutters meekly, wounded at either prospect. But you want to choose yourself. Who has ever chosen you? You need to be on your own side this time.

You glance at the clock and curse. You shouldn't have spent so much time waiting in the Atrium, floating about the Ministry.

"I can't go, I won't go," you decide. "It's too late anyway."

Who knew if you'd even be able to have a real relationship with him? Even if you believed his love for you, and that he was over Leta, and somehow overcame the horrors and traumas of your life that you hadn't begun to confront... who knew if it would work? That would be its own, new, excruciating pain, having loved and it still not being enough...

"I'm staying," you think to yourself. "I am. He doesn't know what he's asking of me, he doesn't really know me at all. I'm staying. I'm taking the position."

At first you thought the words to convince yourself, reaffirm and reinforce. But they don't sound as improbable as you thought. This happiness doesn't sound too good to be true, it sounds as if it could belong to you after all.

You sigh, trembling, and begin to go through the empty drawers of Theseus's old desk, imagining your life, or trying to.

You reach for the bottommost drawer, pulling it open.

The sight of the worn little clothbound book snags your vision like a thorn. You pull it out in a trancelike state and read the title: Garden Parting by P. M. Kipling. The memory rises without you even having to reach for it, like a face in water.

-----

One Year Ago

It was only your fourth week at the office. This bloody idiot named Henry Ludgate somehow came to the insane conclusion that if he talked to you enough, or talked at you, more fittingly, you would like him back. So every one of your lunch breaks, without fail, he'd come searching for you in the Atrium to talk your ear off about nothing at all.

At the present moment, he was trying to strike up a conversation about women's shoewear, a hard topic for even far better conversationalists.

"I actually do like flat shoes, or 'flats,' are they? But I only like the ones with a bit of heel, all the other types of flats are terribly unattractive I think."

You were dimly aware of your boss, Theseus Scamander, watching this all unfold with a lackadaisical amusement. He was leaning against a newsstand of The Daily Prophet pretending to read it, but really you knew his sly smile at the front page was for you.

"So, not flats?"

"Sorry?" Henry always jumped at the excuse of poor hearing to lean uncomfortably close to you.

You rolled your eyes, not caring if Henry saw or not.

"If the flats you say you like have heels, doesn't that make them not 'flat shoes'?" You asked curtly.

Henry stared at you dumbly. "Oh, right. So it's 'heels' I like then."

You flicked your gaze up to his, irritably.

"So how many pairs do you own, then?"

You thought you saw a rustle of paper in the corner of your vision--undoubtedly Theseus was choking back some fit of laughter.

Henry attempted to clear his throat but only seemed to choke, rubbing a half-fist on his chest touchily.

"What?! Pardon me, not for myself!" He was veritably red in the face, not pink or any subtle, healthy flush, but bright red. "I-I meant I like heels on women, on you."

You could barely tamp down your frustration. This was supposed to be a restful lunch break, a good hour of no-work, and yet you seemed to enjoy your actual work more than this (for many reasons, the first reason beginning with the letter T and the last reason being the way the first reason smiled at you whenever you said something bright, or funny, or kind. He had a smile like light cracking open the sky at dawn, it so completely transformed the rest of his face, always reaching his eyes).

"Henry," you sighed, indulgently, maybe a bit patronizingly. "As much as I am grateful for your... fashion tips, and your riveting conversation, I really do prefer to read on my lunch breaks. I'll have to excuse myself."

You turned on your heel before he could protest, finding another secluded corner of the Atrium by the fountain. You pulled out the book, Garden Parting, as more of a prop, or a shield, or a comfort object, like a teddy bear. You had no intention of reading it right now. Not when...

Just as you suspected. You saw the shadow come over your shoulder, the shape of his figure, his hands in his pockets. Even that, his outline or shadow, stirred up some feeling you couldn't name in your chest, in the cavity there, next to your heart.

"Mr. Scamander," you sighed. "I really don't understand what sort of sadistic pleasure you gain from watching Ludgate torture me with mind-numbingly boring conversation."

You said this without turning, already smiling. Theseus sat down beside you, gingerly, beaming.

"It's entertaining," he said. The deep rumble of his voice was pleasant. "The way you eviscerate him. It's my favorite part."

There was something so attractive about the tilt of his eyes, hooded, and the curl of his hair, a strand falling loose over his forehead. He brought his bottom lip under his teeth, bit down and squinted at you.

"Do you really prefer to read on your breaks, Y/N?"

You scoffed, mock-offended.

"Yes! Do you really read The Daily Prophet on yours?"

"No, not at all," he admitted, shamelessly and with a boyish smile. "What are you reading?"

You suddenly felt self-conscious. You almost didn't want to show him. Your book was soft and worn, the cloth corners frayed, the text on the front half chipped off.

Against your instinct and your nature, you found yourself reluctantly handing him the book. Your mortification increased tenfold when he didn't take it from your extended hand, he only stared at it unreadably.

"What-" you began.

"Wait," Theseus turned to his suitcase, set it down on the tiled floor beside the fountain and clicked open the latches. "Garden Parting by P.M. Kipling, right?"

He was speaking so excitedly, shuffling around in his suitcase.

'No way,' you thought, and then, because you couldn't help it:

"Oh, you're kidding," you gasped. "No, Theseus! You're kidding. I swore I was the only person in London with a copy."

Theseus pulled it out at last, victorious. A sleek hardcover, newer than yours, but creased from frequent reading.

"Oh, Theseus!" You brought your hands up to your mouth. You were always worried your emotions, especially excitement, would make it harder to be taken seriously at work. You endeavored to dampen and mute them, but you could not hide your girlish elation at this inexplicable commonality between the two of you.

He smiled at your reaction, a slow, warm smile.

"Who knew you had a secret affinity for muggle literature?" You tried to make your tone teasing and demeaning but couldn't commit to it, you were too surprised by the force of your own joy.

"My roommate at Hogwarts was muggleborn. He gave it to me."

"You carry it with you too?" You asked, still in disbelief.

"Everywhere!" It was a breathy admission, half a laugh, earnest. "I like to reread certain parts. It doesn't get old." He was smiling so big it was almost heart-wrenching, you did not think he had ever looked at you like that, eyes blazing with naked enthusiasm. Looking at you like you were holding some key, to what you didn't know.

"No one seems to know about it," he continued with a shrug. "I've been waiting for someone to talk with about this book since I was sixteen."

"Oh," you kept saying. You wondered if he thought you sounded stupid for it, or if he thought it was endearing. "There's this one part I think about almost every day. In the purple glass house, with the broken arm used to-"

"-To praise God and 'be done with it'?" He finished for you.

Then miraculously, he flipped his copy open, paper fluttering, to a sole, underlined paragraph. The very same.

"It's like we're speaking the same language," He whispered with an incredulous laugh, but his eyes were reverent.

You flashed him a smile, one that was glowing and real. You were holding his copy of the book between you now, like children with a shared toy, or like lovers reading a roadmap.

"What language? English?" You asked sarcastically, making a funny face.

But you had known what Theseus meant. What wavelength of sense that you two, alone, could access. How the world spoke to you both in the same ways, through the same channels of meaning.

Garden Parting was the only object you had from your deceased parents, the only thing that survived your childhood. It was a children's chapter book that your father used to read to you, quite a grim piece of magical realism about a lot of things, but mostly about a girl condemned to go back to her burning house and stay there, inside, until the flames went out. There's no question that it will be swallowed whole, that she will burn to death in the place she was born.

When Theseus spoke again his eyes were shining, perceptively.

"Is that you then?" His voice was subdued, made gentle, intentionally. His eyes looked strangely dark inside the black stone interior of the Ministry, blue like river slate, dim like rain. "The main character, that's you?"

It was the most you'd ever revealed. It was a single, quiet word.

"Yes," you said.

Theseus placed a hand on your forearm. You didn't dare move, react, for fear he would stop touching you. A bird on your windowsill.

"I'll be the great owl then," he said. "The one that takes her away at the end.... Or Reggie, the one that's her friend. Whatever you want."

You laughed, bleakly. You felt pressured to speak, nonsense, anything to cover up how much his words meant to you.

"Really," you said. "It's my favorite book, but sometimes I can hardly get through it, there's so much pain in her life. I get so anxious..."

"Here," Theseus plucked a ribbon from his suitcase and flipped open your copy of the book. He placed the ribbon strategically towards the back, surgically almost, his long fingers lining it up with the interior spine, right in the scene where the owl takes the girl away and there's happiness set aside for her in life, after all.

"I'll mark it with this," he said. Neither of you were looking at each other anymore, the moment was too intimate to bear. But you were both thinking of each other, talking to each other. "So you can remember how it ends."

-----

The memory of that day by the fountain is so unexpected that it is the first time you're remembering it at all.

'Maybe he does know me after all, does see me.'

The thought is a shattering one.

'Oh, god.'

You check the time. It's 6:50pm. You pull on your coat and snatch your purse off the desk. If you leave now, right now, you can intercept him.

Theseus has to know you're coming. Even if you don't make it onto the train, he has to see your face on the platform, through the window, even. He has to know that you're choosing him.

You apparate as far as you're able and begin to run towards the station the rest of the way.

You're coming for him, each pounding step you're coming, heart soaring, this is that freeing love that grows and grows and stretches out into space like air. And you're going to tell him everything, every wish and every nightmare, you're going to--

A hand shoots out and pulls you backward by the neck. The grip is so hard that you taste blood, everywhere, in your mouth.

You yelp but the sound is lost as you are torn through the air, choking through space. Being forcibly apparated always feels like choking, like being pushed down a flight of stairs repeatedly. You can't catch your breath or your footing, you don't know where you're being taken.

Dark material whooshes and cuts around you. You hardly feel a thing.

Could someone at the Ministry have seen the letters left on your desk? Read them? Were you and Theseus positively identified at the gala in Berlin, or maybe outside the mausoleum? Before you've even arrived at your captor's destination, your mind whirls helplessly, to Grindelwald, to the situation at hand, and then, finally, to Theseus, who is waiting at Platform 9 3/4 for a girl who will never arrive, for a girl he will assume is telling him "no."

It happened so fast you didn't even have the time to turn around, to touch your wand. You were apparated away, stolen into thin air, before you could even set foot inside the station.

---

part four here

authors note: yeah i did watch the last letter from you lover on netflix and YEAH it did inspire this fic and rewire my brain at the same time. SORRY this fic ended on a cliffhanger and was so long!! we just had a LOT of ground to cover, but the subsequent parts should be back to the normal length!!

i like writing a mix of smut and romance plot but let me know if you prefer one to the other (also garden parting isn't a real book if that wasn't obvious) OK BYYEEE love you thanks so much for all the replies and feedback :))

also i have yet to read through this for typos so maybe! come back in a day or so for the final version?

taglist: @karashaw99 @gracieroxzy @mystic-mara

#theseus scamander smut #theseus scamander #theseus #theseus x reader #theseus scamander x reader #fantastic beasts #fbawtft #hp fanfic #hp fic

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character-fan19 · 6 months

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So I calculated the exact screen time of all the love square ships in season 1

Yeah, it's exactly what it says. With 99% accuracy I went through all the episodes of season 1, calculated the exact screen time of ever love square ship in every episode, added them all up and made charts to compare them.

But first of all, where did I get the idea to do this? Well, I was looking through Tumblr and I so a post by someone called purrincess-chat answering an ask about Adrienette in Season 5 and in her reply she mentioned how Ladynoir and Adrien have around the same screen time in seasons 1-4 with Ladynoir having slightly more and that is simply reversed in season 5 with some Maricat and Ladrien sprinkled here and there. So that made me wonder: how much really is the distribution of screen time between the love square ships? So I did this, starting with season 1. But before we get into the results...

Some Ground Rules

What does and doesn't count as screen time for a particular ship? Here are the rules I laid out:

Both characters of the ship must be present in the scene for it to count. That's means no scenes of Marinette fawning over ads and pictures of Adrien or Adrien swooning over the fact that the love letter he found in "Dark Cupid" might be from Ladybug.

At least one of characters of the ship must be reacting to the presence of the other character for it to count or at least doing something together. We can't have Maribug and Adricat both just doing their own separate thing acting like background characters and call that shipping content.

If one or both of the characters believe that there are speaking with the alter ego of the other character, then it counts as screen time for that ship. Meaning when Ladybug goes to check on Adrien in "Volpina" and Cat Noir pretends to be his civilian self taking a shower, it counts as Ladrien screen time, not Ladynoir.

Now that that's dealt with let's get into the distribution.

Screen Time Distribution

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Ladynoir dominated season 1, having 76% of the total love square screen time. Makes sense, right? There's an akuma every episode so there's Ladynoir ever episode and since this is season 1, it's more focused on the strict formula rather than some actual development between the other ships.

Coming in a definitely-not-close second is Adrienette with 18.5% of the total love square screen time. No surprises here. Adrienette along with Ladynoir are the main 2 ships while Maricat and Ladrien are simply the side ships. Plus, it's not often for just one of them to be transformed.

Speaking of which, Maricat and Ladrien come in 3rd and 4th with 3% and 2.5% of the total love square screen time respectively and pretty close to each other, Maricat having a slight edge over Ladrien.

Now let's see the trend across the episodes.

Screen Time Trend

For the most part, Ladynoir is on a completely different level than the other ships, only temporarily being dethroned for one episode- that episode being "Gamer"- by Adrienette which was the episode they both practiced for the Ultimate Mecha Strike Tournament and we got some Adrienette bonding with Marinette giving Adrien her lucky charm bracelet. Other than that, it's been on top the whole time, with there even being episodes with solely Ladynoir screen time and having an average of 4 min 22 sec of screen time per episode, with most screen time being in "Animan" (8 min 28 sec) and least being in "Pixelator" (1 min 3 sec) a.k.a the episode where Adrien was stuck in the titular villain's prison dimension for most of the episode. It mellowed down a little towards the end of the season due to there being more plot relevant stuff in those episodes than akuma battle but picked itself right back up for the finale.

Adrienette stayed fairly low in screen time and having screen time in most episodes having a huge spike in the episodes "Kung Food" to "Animan", even temporarily dethroning Ladynoir like I mentioned before with 6 min 28 sec of screen time.

Finally, Maricat and Ladrien had a few small to moderate spikes here and there with some even being two episodes in a row and Ladrien having most of it's screen time towards the end of season 1.

Conclusion

Yeah, so that's it. I'm going to be doing these after I complete every season so keep a look out.

#miraculous ladybug #ml analysis #ml love square #ml season 1 #adrienette #ladynoir #maricat #ladrien

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lakesbian · 2 months

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i have had like 10 friends rec worm to me but nobody’s given me a good like, gist of its vibe and what its abt because ‘its best blind’, could u please give a like brief summary and vibe check of it 😭 it’s so long i dont wanna try and invest that much time without knowing much abt it

so, worm is a 1.7 million word long webserial written in 2010. 1.7 million words seems like a lot, but it was also written over a relatively short period of time, which means the writing style is very easy to parse--the ideas aren't without complexity, but the language itself isn't intimidatingly dense. you can get through it at a very decent pace. i agree with your friends that there are vast portions of worm that hit best when you're unspoiled, but the thing is that worm is long enough that giving you the basic plot pitch is in no way spoilers for any of the things that i wouldn't want to see spoiled for someone. i'm actually kind of baffled they're not telling you Any Thing, because it is in my estimation one of the best books i've ever read, but it also Needs a briefing before you get into it for like five different reasons. which i will now provide. i swear to god this is brief by my standards it's just that i am very thorough

worm is a story about superheroes and supervillains, set in a world where superpowers are traumagenic--rather than appearing randomly or innately, some people gain powers after a traumatizing event happens to them. the protagonist is taylor hebert, a 15yo girl who has the power to control insects and desperately wants to be a superhero. and then accidentally finds herself scouted by a team of teenage villains instead. who's to say how she's going to react to all that!

one of the most compelling things about worm is that the superpowers in it serve as visceral, hyper-literal metaphors for the trauma and traumatized coping mechanisms of the characters with those powers. each power is incredibly specific and thematically relevant to the person who has it, and it's incredibly interesting and evocative. it feels so natural and well-done that it comes off like how superpowers are just meant to be written.

the fact that superpowers stem from trauma also means that worm is fundamentally a narrative about trauma. specifically, about traumatized teenagers and the relationships they form as they cling together while struggling through growing up traumatized & mutually coping with an increasingly intriguing, intense, and far-reaching escalating plot. worm's depictions of trauma + mental illness--including unpalatable trauma responses, including traumatized characters who are allowed to be complicated and nuanced and messy while still receiving narrative respect--are deeply real-feeling and impactful, and they're placed in the context of a well-spun + engaging story.

i really do have to stress how excellent the character writing is. worm is fully deserving of being as long as it is. over the course of 1.7 million words of character development, the average reader's reaction to the main characters goes from "sorta interesting" to "okay, i want to see where this goes" to "augh...really likable" to "i am now on hands and knees crying and these characters are going to stick around in my brain forever." wildbow has incredible talent for efficiently conveying complicated, real-feeling, and viscerally evocative characterization. many of the interlude chapters (chapters written from the perspective of different characters other than taylor) are so interesting, fleshed-out, and emotionally affecting that they make you wish you could read an entire novel about just the side character being featured. with that level of characterization for just the side cast, it's not surprising that taylor (& co) are genuinely just downright iconic. and i do not say that lightly--taylor is truly one of the best-written protagonists i've seen in anything. ever.

the other main pitch-point for worm is that it's a fascinating deconstruction/reconstruction/examination of the conceits of the superhero genre. it answers the question of--what would the world have to be like, for people with superpowers to act the way they do in classic cape media? and it does this well enough that it's interesting even if you have only a passing familiarity with cape media. i am not a big superhero media fan, but worm addresses virtually every aspect of cape media that was under the sun around 2010 in a way that's so interesting i still find it incredibly engaging. the approach it takes makes the narrative very accessible even to people who aren't usually cape media fans.

and speaking of the narrative: the end of the story is coherent and satisfying and deeply thematically resonant*. the way worm follows through on all of its main mysteries & plot threads is excellent. you don't have to worry about getting thru 1.7 million words and being dissatisfied by the author shitting the bed at the end, or anything like that. he does an amazing job of weaving together plot events in a way that makes each successive one feel rationally, thematically, and emotionally connected to what came before. there's really only one part where i feel the story stumbles a bit, but i think it was the best option he had for the narrative, and it's by no means a dealbreaker. it's in fact really impressive how cohesive and satisfying worm is for such a long webserial released over such a brief period of time.

*this is subjective ive seen some people who didnt love it but ive never seen anyone who downright Hated it who didnt also demonstrate egregious misunderstanding of literally everything worm is about. so thats a good sign

as for the downsides of worm/things that might put you off:

there is a very long list of trigger warnings for it. if you have any trigger warnings you want you should ask your friends to let you know about the relevant parts, because the fact that it's About Trauma (& about typical cape media circumstances presented very seriously) means that traumatic and violent things & their realistic aftermath are constantly happening and/or being discussed. i would not classify worm as needlessly dark or spiteful to the audience by any means, but it is intense and covers a lot of heavy topics. i do assume if your friends are all recommending it to you, they think none of the material would be too much for you, though!

worm was written in 2010 by a white cishet guy from canada. it's typical levels of 2010-era bigoted, it has a deeply lesbophobic stereotype character, it has some atrociously racist stereotype characters, the author really hates addicts, It's Got Blind Spots. i think worm is generally fully worth reading despite these, but very fair warning that it can get bad. i think what exacerbates this is that worm is generally extremely nuanced & sympathetic regarding ideas such as "crime is a result of systematic circumstance vs people just being inherently evil" and "mentally ill people who are traumatized in unpalatable ways are still deserving of fundamental respect as human beings" and so on and so forth, so it's extra noticeable and insufferable when you get to a topic the author has unexamined biases on and all that nuance drops out. the worst part is that a lot of this is most concentrated in the early arcs, so you have to get through them without being super attached to any of the characters yet. it is worth it though.

worm like. Does have a central straight relationship in it. and it's a very well written straight relationship for the most part and i like it quite a lot. but worm also passes the bechdel test with such flying colors that it enters 'unintentionally homoerotic' territory. which means a lot of people were shipping the main character ms taylor hebert with her female friends while the story was being released. which caused the author to get so mad he 1. posted a word of god to a forum loudly insisting that all of the girls are straight and 2. inserted a few deeply awkward and obvious and out of character scenes where he finds an excuse for the girls to more or less turn to the camera and go "i'm not gay, btw. this is platonic." This is fucking insufferable, and will piss you off immensely, but then you will get to any of the number of deeply emotionally affecting scenes between them, and at that point you will be too busy sniffling piteously and perhaps crytyping an analysis post on tumblr to be mad about all that other shit. also they're only a couple tiny portions out of an entire overall fantastic novel

overall: if those points don't sound like dealbreakers (i hope they aren't they're really massively outstripped by the amount of devastatingly good moments in worm, worm still has a thriving fandom over a decade later for a reason), you should absolutely give it a shot and see what you think. my final note is that you have to read up until the end of arc 8 to really see where what makes worm Worm kicks in, so aim for at least there to see how you feel about it if you're just thinking about dipping your toes in vs fully committing. i hope that was helpful and not too long :)

oh and don't go in the comments section on wordpress if you don't want spoilers. or anywhere else in the fandom at all. you will be spoiled. quite possibly for things you could not even have imagined were topics to be spoiled on.

#ask #wormblr #parahumans #ill tag it to save it so i can reference later. and maybe other people will find it helpful

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woniverse-writes · 7 months

Note

Okay so like I have this something in my mind and I badly want to break it free. It goes like this— Howl has a little sister who obviously is straight as a fkcing ruler, and HowL and Bada are dating, but the thing here is— bada is never like howl but to his little sister. And Bada tried to make the little sister to like her and well Idk what to do with howl anymore. Omg, ik, ik its sounds so bad 😭 but I really wanted to read this kind of plot. Hehe well, I do hope u consider this <3 btw I love MTF, I love simp bada heuehehehehheeh 💖💖 im so excited for the next part. (Sorry my english is bad 🥲)

this is fucking genius... i'm so seated. (also, no need to apologize! you did extremely well!! <3) also- this is my first request so i'm actually so excited, thank you love🥺🫶

"The King"

bada lee x fem!reader

summary: you've spent your entire life getting fucked over by stupid boys who don't know how to treat you. it's not that you're pretentious or think you're too good for them (even though you definitely are), they just never seem to be able to meet your standards. when your older brother's new girlfriend starts coming around more, you can't help but wish you had what they had- until she starts paying more attention to you and now you're just confused

word count: 10.5k

warnings: heavily suggestive, mentions of nsfw, making out, cheating, mentions of alcohol, not proofread

notes: listen to "the king" by conan gray😩🤞 reader is described as petite and girly, reader is also a total brat (with some slightly internalized issues lol), also- this is like- lowkey one-sided enemies to lovers for a hot sec lol

Getting fucked over by stupid boys who don’t deserve you is practically a right of passage for young girls. But it’s especially easy to develop such high standards when you have someone in your life who treats you so well. As for y/n, this person is her loving older brother, Howl. He's always spoiled her and been a great big brother making sure she never settles for shitty guys, which has caused her to be super picky and have insanely high standards

So when he starts dating Bada, y/n is a little jealous at first at the lack of attention. Then he starts bringing her around more and y/n can't help but wish she had their relationship. And whenever Howl always invites her to hang out with them, she's kind of conflicted because yeah she wants to be around her brother and have his attention again, but she also just feels strange around Bada. Not even in a jealous way though- it's like- Bada is so nice to her and she kinda hates it lol. Not actually though, she just hates how it makes her feel.

Bada on the other hand LOVES the idea of hanging out with y/n. Any time Howl asks if she's okay with his sister coming along, she agrees without hesitation. See- Bada has taken a liking to y/n from the moment she met her. Or saw her rather, because it wasn't really an official meeting

The first time Bada had seen y/n, she was teaching a class in which Howl had been in attendance. Her now boyfriend had taken a phone call during one of their breaks, giving directions to his current location, and a few seconds later a younger girl showed up looking slightly annoyed. Howl smiled brightly and wrapped her in a hug, squeezing her until she was whining and complaining to be let go of. Bada was curious, as Howl had taken a few of her classes before, and she had taken a few of his, but she'd never seen this girl before. Was she his girlfriend? Bada scanned her over, noticing her chunky patent leather heels, denim mini skirt, white thigh-high stocking, and glittering lip gloss. There's so way she was a dancer, at least not a dancer that went here, Bada thought. She would've for sure remembered the curve of her waist or at least her plum lips. Who was this girl?

Meanwhile- Howl was bust harassing his sister who was kind enough to drop off his street clothes that he forgot at home on her way to meet with someone

"so now where are you off to? Another date?" he teased and poked her to which she grimaced and moved out of the way

"if you must know, yes I am on my way to another date" She crossed her arms and turned her chin up, closing her eyes and huffing. Her brother rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Just be careful please, I really don't like how easily you just go about meeting a new guy every few weeks," he said in a very much concerned brotherly tone

"oh so you think I'm a slut now" y/n accuses staring into Howl's soul, eyes like lasers as she waits for his response

"no- y/n what? No! no, I never said that- it's just- ugh, guys are assholes, you know this! Maybe it's just time to take a break for the partner searching and just focus on yourself?" he tries to calm her down and she surprisingly understands, still rolling her eyes and sighing, but understanding

"I know… I'm still going on this date though. I got all dressed up and plus that's just rude to cancel last minute." she huffs and pouts, causing her brother to laugh and reach out to ruffle her hair, which she immediately squawks in protest, grabbing his wrist and holding it away from her neatly done hairstyle.

"oh my sweet little devil of a sister, go give of 'em hell" he pats her on the shoulder then brings her in for a tight squeeze, before telling her to be safe and text him when she's there, when she's leaving, and when she gets home. All to which y/n smiles and agrees while exiting the studio

Now- Bada has just watched this whole interaction go down. She heard almost every word, but her attention was piqued from the moment Howl had mentioned the girl going on a date, or rather another date

'So they aren't dating'… she thought to herself, trying to be discreet as she stood in the doorway to the studio. She felt even more interested when he referred to the same girl as his little sister. She was pretty and petite, definitely girly, but something about her style and the way she accessorized seemed too self-indulgent to be aimed towards appealing to any male.

That was over a year and a half ago- Bada and Howl have been dating for a few months now. Bada had made the first move to get to know each other after that class when y/n had showed up. She hadn't explained her motives or that she was interested in his sister, but Bada let Howl know she was interested in becoming good friends with him. This eventually turned into him flirting with her and her laughing it off, but apparently, he took that as her being interested. The first time Howl had asked her out, she politely declined, but the second time- she realized that if she started dating Howl, maybe she'd get closer to y/n, so she agreed. Bada had fun but wasn't necessarily looking to date Howl. She did find him attractive and thought he could be a really good boyfriend, but she just wasn't interested.

Yet here they are four months later, still happily together. Well- sort of

Bada still couldn't get herself to fall in love with him- and even though it was still pretty early, she had felt awful, wanting to break things off, but she didn't want to lose his friendship. or even more so- lose her little interactions with y/n, who seemed to have something against her even though the older girl had been nothing but kind and welcoming to her. It didn't make Bada upset or hurt her feelings, it actually made her more attracted to the younger girl, curious as to what the reason was for her distaste towards her.

They go out, the three of them and they've gone out together before but y/n has always been quiet and reserved, and tbh kinda cold towards both Howl and Bada. Howl doesn't get it- like- he's totally clueless. And y/n just convinces herself that she doesn't like Bada. And Bada isn't determined to get y/n to like her like she's not desperate for it, but she does want to understand why she acts like that.

So on this one day, they go out, y/n is actually in a pretty good mood, she's dressed super cute, and she's actually being really nice to Bada. Which shocks everyone, even y/n, but she's kinda like "hmm maybe I was just being an asshole, she's not so bad" and then bam- gay awakening.

Bada's messing around with y/n and y/n starts being all touchy and stuff and Bada's like- omfg she's so cute I wanna squeeze her. The two girls are totally ignoring howl, and he’s just happy they’re getting along. Then Bada goes-

"I should just break up with your brother and date you" in a teasing voice while squishing y/n's cheeks in one of her large hands, then throwing her arms around the younger girl's shoulder. y/n just laughs awkwardly but Bada isn't paying attention. The younger girl quickly reverted back to quiet and reserved but not necessarily cold and mean

The next incident that really solidified Bada not being interested in Howl was when they were coming home from a night out, both a little drunk, kissing in the back of the cab they were taking back to Bada's place. Howl had gotten a text from y/n asking him to pick her up from some party she was at, so they asked the driver to take them to the address she had sent instead

When they arrived in front of the house where y/n was currently partying, Howl sent her a text and she came stumbling out a few minutes later. He got out of the car to help the younger girl into the back seat, having her scoot in to sit in the middle beside Bada.

While Howl was still outside of the car, giving the driver new directions through the window, y/n had leaned herself against the leather of the car seat, with her head back. She was breathing heavily and Bada couldn't help but blush at the girl. Y/n's face was flushed and she was slightly sweaty- probably from dancing and drinking- and since her head was thrown back, her hair was exposing her bare neck- which in Bada's slightly intoxicated mind, would look so good covered in hickeys and bite marks. y/n turns her head a little and slightly opens her eyes, meeting Bada's. She starts giggling and reaches out for the older girl's hand.

"Unnie…" she starts, looking up at Bad with bedroom eyes, still giggling slightly. Bada just about stops breathing- y/n's never called her that, always keeping things super formal or the exact opposite and just forgoing honorifics altogether. The older girl smiles slightly and hums

" I just had the best sex ever- well probably not ever, cuz it was with a guy… but for a guy he wasn't too bad!" the younger girl whispers with expressive eyes and starts giggling again, leaving Bada pouting and furrowing her brows

"did you know this guy?" she asked in return, not happy with the new information. y/n hums, looking to the side, searching for an answer

"hmm I don't think so" she finally expresses, as if it were nothing. Bada sighs and turns her head to look out the window.

"you shouldn't be going around fucking random guys y/n" the older girl huffs and leans her head on her hand. She feels y/n's chin on her shoulder, looking over to see the girl right in her face.

"well then you should've been there to keep me company" the younger teases with a small smirk and mischievous eyes, before turning her head to rest fully on Bada's shoulder, falling asleep almost instantly.

When they get back to Howl and Y/n's house, they wake Y/n up and make sure she gets to her room fine. Howl insists on leaving her how she is, but Bada wants to make sure she falls asleep comfortably. So she helps the younger girl change but it's proven to be more difficult than expected.

"can I help you get changed?" Bada asks in a soft voice, just loud enough for y/n to hear but maybe not process entirely. She hums and nods her head slightly, eyes focused on the older woman in front of her. Bada comes to sit behind y/n on her bed, moves the girl's hair over her shoulder then goes to unzip the back of her dress. y/n sighs and tilts her head to the side, closing her eyes.

"This is so bad" the younger girl whispers in a daze seemingly to herself. Bada still a little tipsy but not nearly as bad as the girl in front of her, pulls one strap down her arm then the other, then slides the dress down y/n's front half. She stands up and comes back around to stand in front of y/n who opens her eyes and stares up at Bada like she's ready to be taken in any way shape or form. Bada tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, then caresses the younger girl's face, until she decides to keep her hand placed by her jaw, holding the girl's face gently. y/n's face is burning red, probably a mix of the alcohol and lust she's feeling at the present moment. She closes her eyes and begins to nuzzle her head against Bada's hand, leaning into the older girl's palm.

"you're so warm…" she mumbles, eyes still closed, breathing getting slightly heavier again. Bada's breath catches in her throat as she removes her hand.

"let's finish getting you changed" She pulls her to stand up and as the older girl continues to remove the other dress, the younger continues to sigh and sway. Bada kneels down for a second to pull the dress out from underneath y/n, tapping her ankle gently to get her to step out of the dress. Instead, the younger of the two takes the opportunity to place her hand atop Bada's head, caressing her hair. Bada looks up at the contact and is met with the stare of an intoxicated and horny young woman, who's definitely not thinking about how nice it would be to have the older girl's head between her thighs.

Y/n sits back on the bed and lifts her feet out of the dress, placing them both back on the ground, spread a bit apart leaving plenty of room in between her legs. Bada may as well have had just as much to drink as y/n did because she is nowhere near thinking clearly at this moment. She tosses the dress somewhere away to the side, before crawling to sit in between the smaller girl's legs. Bada places her hands on both of y/n's thighs and begins to rub circles on them. She moves her hands up to caress the girl's bare waist, grazing over her stomach and back as she does so.

"you really need to go to bed y/n-ie" Bada softly states, looking up at her. 'Wow' Bada thinks. This is something she could definitely get used to. Having y/n's pretty eyes looking down at her from in between her thighs, no clothes… sounds like a dream to Bada. A dream that she was quickly woken up from as a knock is made on the door.

"hang on- we're still changing." the oldest girl speaks just loud enough to be heard through the door. She stands up, now looking down at y/n before caressing her cheek again. The girl doesn't move this time, looking like she's ready to fall asleep. Bada turns to grab a t-shirt for y/n and tells her to put it on, which she does. Afterward, she lays her down in her bed and pulls the covers over her. y/n's practically asleep the second her head hits the pulling, and Bada can't help but smile. She kisses her forehead and blushes, not realizing what she did until afterward.

As she exits y/n's room Bada is only thinking of one thing- She is one hundred percent sure she isn't attracted to her boyfriend but to his younger sister instead

________

One night while Bada and Howl were in the living room of his and y/n's house, cuddled up on the couch watching a movie, the young girl had come strutting down the steps in a pair of red velvet heels sporting a dainty black dress. Both of their heads turned in her direction, the two reacting in very different ways.

Bada's mouth slightly falls open, her eyes glazing over as she can't help but stare at the younger girl and think of how perfectly the dress hugs her upper half and becomes flowy towards the bottoms, accentuating her curves in such an unexplainable way. She's silent as y/n runs a hand through her hair and continues to stride past the two into the kitchen.

Howl on the other hand- bursts out laughing after a few moments in silent shock. Both Bada and y/n whip their heads in his direction with wide eyes

"what the hell are you wearing??" he asks her, still dying laughing. y/n's already baffled face turns into one of annoyance and almost disgust. She scoffs and turns back around, completely ignoring him and continuing to pour herself a glass of water. Bada smacks him lightly on the chest and he looks back at her with wide eyes, still trying to calm down

"What?" he asks still laughing slightly

"Leave her alone… she looks nice" the older girl defends, still staring in y/n's direction. The girl in the kitchen hears this and feels her face get hot. She hates when Bada compliments her, it makes her feel guilty and hot and she just hates it. y/n clenches her jaw and grabs her water, walking past them again to head back up to her room to finish getting ready.

"she's been a lot more irritable lately… I don't know what's up with her" Howl states confused, looking a little distraught.

"Maybe you should go talk to her… she probably just misses you." Bada tries to comfort him. Even though she struggles to harness any real romantic feelings for him, the older girl still truly cares about Howl as a close friend. He nods stands up and heads up the stairs toward the young girl's room. He knocks on her door frame, as her door is only slightly closed, yet he still wants to make sure he's welcome before barging in on his easy-to-rage sister. She sighs and softly lets out a "come in" not bothering to look away from her vanity mirror, still applying her makeup. Howl opens the door the rest of the way and steps in, standing a little bit past her doorway

"so…" he starts looking around her room before meeting her eyes in the mirror. "where are you off tonight? I thought you weren't going on any more dates for a while-" y/n cuts him off with a sigh.

"It's not a date, just a party." she calmly explains with just a tinge of irritation, like she's exhausted by the conversation. Howl just nods, feeling awkward not knowing what to say to her. He's always been able to have comfortable conversations with his sister, especially about her love and social life, so why does it suddenly feel impossible? He took a deep breath,

"I just wanted to check on you… I feel like we haven't had a real conversation lately and I'm just worried about you" Howl expresses, watching her through the mirror. She pauses in the middle of lining her lips and meets his eyes with a somewhat guilty expression, before sighing and looking down at her desk

"I'm fine. I promise. Just irritated with everything lately." y/n busies herself with the jewelry she has lying around, trying to make it seem like she's picking out what she's going to wear. Howl nods and purses his lips, he walks behind her chair and places his hands on the back of it, still looking at her through the mirror.

"well please talk to me about it, I want to help if I can. And plus I miss our conversations- you used to come to me about everything, but lately, it just feels like I'm the one bothering you- and not even in a fun way. You don't laugh when I joke around with you anymore and that really scares me y/n… so just talk to me, kid." Howl tells his true feelings and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. y/n feels like crying now, as it was never her intention to distance herself from her brother, who happened to be her best friend too. y/n can't bring herself to look him in the eye as she feels tears pool in her own eyes, so she hangs her head letting her hair fall in her face, and she just nods.

"I will… I promise I'll talk to you about it just- not right now please" she requests as a single tear drops onto her desk, and she has to hold herself back from letting out a sob. Even though her head is hung, Howl still clearly sees the distressed look and teary eyes of his sister, making him even more concerned. He didn't want to leave her alone, or even let her go out, but he didn't want to smother her and make things worse. So he just nodded and patted her head, then left. Once Howl was out of her room, y/n's tears were freely falling for about seven seconds before she forced herself to pull it together. It wasn't fair for her to be crying over something she had no business crying over. Even though she promised to talk to him about it, y/n had no idea how she was supposed to explain to her brother how she hated being around his girlfriend because the older girl had more of an effect on her than any boy she's ever been with has had on her. The thought made her sick for so many reasons.

Bada looks up from her phone to see Howl coming back downstairs with a somber look. She waited for him to look at her and say something, and he just sighed walking towards her seated figure with open arms, engulfing her in a hug as he landed on the couch next to her.

"Is she okay?" she asks, rubbing circles on her boyfriend's back

"I don't think so… something's wrong but she won't tell me what- at least not right now. She didn't wanna talk about it… she always wants to share things with me, I don’t understand" Howl expresses sadly looking at Bada. She understands why he's so distressed though, as y/n was more of a daughter to him sometimes than a sister. Even though the two weren't too far apart in age, Howl has practically raised y/n, making him even more protective of her than a usual brother. He felt responsible for the girl even as she got further into her adult years.

They went back to watching their movie and when it ended, howl had gotten up to use the bathroom asking Bada to get more snacks and pick out their next movie. She had gotten up and went to the kitchen right as y/n was making her way downstairs and into the kitchen as well, unknowing of the older girl's presence. Once y/n stepped into the kitchen, she looked up from her phone after sensing another presence. Her eyes widened slightly, making eye contact with Bada who was leaning against the counter, already staring at her. Y/n tried to give her a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes and the poor girl just looked awkward and uncomfortable as she turned away and began looking through the fridge.

Bada couldn't help but stare again, noticing y/n' plush thighs being slightly squeezed by the sheer black thigh highs she's got on, especially as she bent over slightly while looking through the fridge. She couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty, too focused on how good y/n looked, and even more focused on trying to stare directly at her ass where her dark red panties were poking out.

"hey y/n…" Bada started, causing the younger girl to whip around with wide puppy eyes, letting out a 'hm?'

"do you guys have any popcorn left?" the older girl asks and y/n visibly relaxes, letting out a sigh

"uhm… yeah…I think, I mean- we should" she explains and leaves her search in the fridge to head over to one of the cabinets over the countertop. Bada follows her with her eyes, watching her scan the cabinet until she spots the popcorn on one of the upper shelves. Y/n begins reaching for it, yet even in her platform heels, she still struggles, barely even grazing the box. Bada hopes her amusement isn't too obvious as she didn't realize she was staring so hard at the smaller girl's short dress rising up to lay just below her ass, once again exposing how the tops of her thigh highs squeeze her skin so well.

The taller girl pushes off the counter and comes up directly behind y/n and placing one hand on her hip, reaching over her to grab the box. She could feel Bada pressing against her completely and felt like she was frozen in place.

"you could've just told me where it was, you didn't have to struggle to help me out" Bada speaks lowly in her ear, smirking slightly. She backs up just enough to lean on the counter beside y/n who is just staring at her hands as she plays with the ring on her finger.

"I wanted to be polite, you're a guest so…" the younger girl tried to speak confidently but her voice died out at the end. Bada smiles, eyes still drilling into the side of her head.

"hmm…" she nods in understanding before continuing

"you look so pretty tonight, y/n-ie" Bada speaks lowly again, now leaning her head on her hand and staring up slightly at the younger girl, who slightly turns her head to meet eyes with the girl in front of her. y/n's eyes are wide and her lips are slightly parted before she gulps intensely and looks back down at her hands.

"thank you" she whispers, once again trying to give a sincere smile but she feels like she's going to cry again. Bada notices this and her teasing smile turns into a frown, worried she has said something wrong. She straightens up and leans back on her palms against the counter, once again towering over y/n, even though she herself was slouching and the younger girl had on heels.

"what's wrong? You look upset…" Bada asks softly this time with genuine concern. Y/n just closes her eyes tightly and takes a deep breath before opening her eyes again and smiling gently. Bada can tell it's fake, as her eyes are still glossy and her lips tremble a little.

"Nothing, I just-" she sighs and looks down briefly before straightening herself up and looking back up at Bada, now not as worked up, but still holding onto false enthusiasm

"I just don't like how I did my makeup. And I'm not too sure of my outfit either" y/n finishes explaining by crossing her arms over her chest, still trying to come off as if she's truly bothered by her look. Bada furrows her brows, knowing that's not what she's really upset about but still wanting to reassure her by playing into her façade. And why not? At least she could have a little bit of fun while doing it

"I think your makeup looks amazing… I love the dark vampire-y look" the older girl reassures with a light smile at the end, causing y/n to giggle unwillingly, looking down as a smile takes over her face.

"You do?" she asks quietly, kicking the back of her own heel trying to keep herself busy, not entirely believing Bada. Bada moves closer to her and reaches up to tuck a loose curl behind her ear, keeping her large hand placed on the side of y/n's neck afterward. Y/n looks up with puppy dog eyes and stares at Bada, who instead of making eye contact with her, glances directly at her blood-red lips.

"yeah… I actually really like it, but-" she reaches her other hand up to clean up a smudge in the younger girl's lipstick that wasn't even there, causing y/n's lips to part slightly and her eyes to glaze over. Bada's hand rests on her jaw as the other that had been resting on y/n's neck moves to graze down her bare arm.

"I think this outfit is a little too much… or not enough rather" the older girl whispers seductively, finally meeting y/n's eyes with a dangerous glance. The young girl felt like her heart had stopped beating and she couldn't breathe. All she could focus on was Bada's touch and her voice, her eyes trained on the older girl's plump lips so badly just wanting her to lean down and mess up her lipstick.

They hear footsteps coming down the stairs and Bada immediately reaches behind y/n for the box of popcorn and turns calmly to pop a bag in the microwave, acting as if nothing had happened.

y/n stands there against the counter with her jaw dropped, eyes still glazed over only snapping out of it when Howl steps into the kitchen. She turns around and grabs her purse that had been sitting on the counter, and walks past her brother and out of the kitchen, shouting a quick "I'm leaving now" as she walks through the living room and out the door.

As the couple finishes preparing their snacks and they head back to the living room Bada turns to Howl with a curious look on her face

"Has y/n only ever been with guys?" she asks shoving a piece of popcorn in her mouth, Howl turns to her with his eyebrows furrowed.

"what do you mean?" he counters, also munching on his snacks

"Like- has she ever been with a girl?" she asks coolly and her boyfriend snorts, shaking his head

"Y/n? No way. I actually thought she only liked girls for a while because of how irritated she had been getting with boys- I actually still kinda think that-" he whispers the last part matter-of-factly, shocking Bada a little

"But when I asked her, she freaked about and said "absolutely not!"" mocking your high-pitched voice, causing Bada to nod, slightly disappointed.

"I was just curious… the way she dresses definitely reminds me of a girl who's trying to attract women" Bada laughs a little, causing Howl to laugh along with her

"now that I think about it- she's always trying to convince herself that these guys she's always going out with her attractive- I don't think she's ever been excited to go on a date with any of these guys either… just like- "yeah he's kinda cute, maybe he'll be exciting" and then doesn't have any fun at all. I always just thought it was because her standards were so high!" he shrugs and explains in detail to Bada, who is now determined to change y/n's love life around. Bada hums and turns back to the television in front of them, continuing to scroll through the possible movies

_______

It's about 1:45 am when Bada gets a text from y/n… except she doesn't see it until around 2:20 since she and Howl were having sex. And here's the thing, Bada's a smart woman, she knows how to get what she wants. She's also very intuitive and can tell when a situation is playing out in her favor. She may not have romantic feelings for her current boyfriend, but that doesn't change the fact that he's attractive and good at using his dick.

When they finish and he gets up to grab a damp towel, Bada picks up her phone to check the time and sees a missed message, and then a missed call from y/n. She panics a little, never having gotten a text from the girl other than in a group chat with her and Howl. When she clicks on the notification the message she reads throws her off a little

'are u busy rn?' was sent at 1:47 am and the missed call came through three minutes later at 1:50. Bada felt horrible, thinking this was probably the only time y/n would reach out to her and she missed it cuz she was fucking some guy she didn't even like like that. Bada responded with 'No, what's up?' hoping she wasn't too late, staring at her phone, waiting for the screen to at least show that y/n had read the message. A couple minutes passed and Howl was still in the bathroom, so she decided to call the younger girl. When she didn't answer, Bada began to worry. She knew y/n went out with her friends to some party, so why would she be texting her and calling unless she was busy? Maybe she was just drunk and thought she was messaging someone else. Either way, Bada couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that was settling in the pit of her stomach. Howl had come back and laid himself over top of her, kissing the back of her shoulders before asking her if she was okay.

"yeah, I'm good…" she quickly looked over her shoulder throwing him a half-hearted smile that quickly faded when she looked back at her phone, still not getting anything from y/n.

"I think something's wrong with y/n." she had whispered in a daze, wondering if she should try calling the younger girl again. This causes howl to sit up completely straight, totally out of whatever state of lust he had still been in.

"what? What makes you say that? Did you see something?" he starts rifling off questions and Bada almost wishes she didn't say anything, because now she has to deal with Howl outwardly freaking out, instead of just dealing with the internal panic herself. Bada sighed and closed her eyes, massaging her forehead.

"She actually texted me a little bit ago… and then called me" she informed him with her eyes still closed. She looked tense, the whole situation starting to give her a headache

"…wait- she texted you? Has she ever texted you before?" Howl questioned with utter confusion lacing his voice. His brows were furrowed and he looked totally lost.

"yeah… I don't know why either, but she's not answering now so I'm kind of worried…" Bada bit her lip and zoned out, thinking too hard about what the other girl could be doing that would cause her not to answer her phone. Howl sighs and stands to grab his own phone.

"her location is still in the same place it was two hours ago, so I'm guessing she's just busy at the party. You shouldn't stress about it-" Howl shares but Bada cuts him off

"right but why would she text me? It's gotta be something- or else she would've texted you or one of her other friends so- I don't know I just feel bad" She crosses her arms over her naked chest, suddenly feeling too uncomfortable in her skin. She stands up running a hand through her hair and begins looking around the room for her shirt. Once she finds it, Bada puts on her shirt and quickly finds her panties after that, feeling a little less self-conscious afterward. She paces around a little more before standing in the middle of the room, running her hands down her face and sighing heavily. Howl just sits on the bed staring at her, confused as to why his girlfriend is so torn up about this

"so what do you wanna do about it? Do you want me to call her to see if she answers? Do you wanna go get her?" he starts giving her options and it just frustrates the girl more

"no- I just- I don't know… I feel horrible" Bada sighs crossing her arms again and leaning her head back, frustrated by the whole ordeal. Her boyfriend just becomes even more confused by this

"Woah, wait- why are you so torn up over this?? Seriously-" Howl laughs slightly, really not understanding her stress

"Babe, there have been plenty of times where she hasn't answered my calls or texts at a party, and it's usually cuz- well- she's partying!" he laughs softly before continuing

"I promise, she's okay- don't beat yourself up over it" he places both hands on her shoulders and Bada feels sick to her stomach. She takes a deep breath before letting it out just as big and hangs her head in frustration

"I know… I just feel like this is the only time she's ever wanted to talk to me and I blew it" the girl admits and her boyfriend once again just laughs softly, and hugs her, not understanding what she truly meant by her statement.

"Trust me, she'll understand" Howl reassures her, rubbing circles on her back- though it does nothing to ease her mind.

When y/n comes home the next day around 10:30 am to see Bada and Howl in the kitchen messing around while trying to make breakfast, the younger girl slams the front door getting their attention, as they didn't notice her come in

"oops… sorry" she mumbles loud enough for them both to hear and walks past them up the stairs. Bada watches her walk all the way upstairs with a guilty look and sad puppy eyes. Howl notices and sighs

"do you wanna go talk to her?" he asks rubbing Bada's bare thigh. She looks at him for a second before looking back towards the stairs and pursing her lips. She pushes Howl back a little bit so she can hop off the counter, and begins heading toward the stairs. Once she reaches y/n's door she knocks and after a few seconds, the shorter girl opens the door, wearing a t-shirt that's way too big for her and a pair of men's boxers tied up with a hair tie. She looks exhausted, her makeup still surprisingly intact. y/n doesn't say anything to Bada, who just stands there waiting for a second. The younger girl eyes her up and Bada realizes she's never felt this nervous around her. Y/n raises an eyebrow at her and the older girl finally speaks up.

"oh- uhm, can I come in?" she asks quietly, in the gentlest tone that Bada has ever used with y/n. the girl sighs and just opens her door all the way before turning around and walking back to grab some makeup wipes off her desk. Bada looks around her room and takes notice of how different it is from what she expected. There were posters of girl groups and female solo artists, but definitely not a single man or male presenting object being spotted in the young girl's room. She noticed the red rose petals scattered across one of the shelves, the lines of perfumes, and the many lip glosses and lipsticks overtaking her desk. It was totally different, yet exactly what she had expected.

"can I help you?" y/n had asked from where she was leaning over her vanity, wiping off the remains of her makeup. She looked in the mirror to make eye contact with a wide-eyed Bada.

"I just- wanted to check on you… you called last night and I wasn't able to answer-" y/n scoffed and had a bitter smirk as she went back to taking off her makeup

"yeah, I wonder why…" she mumbled just loud enough for Bada to hear. The older girl's eyebrows shot up in surprise, not expecting such a comment from the other. Bada couldn't help but laugh a little in shock, amused at y/n's reaction, but still confused as to why she was upset with her.

"Okay- so how was your party last night… you seemed to have fun" the older girl counters with her arms crossed, smirking at the girl who had walked in with her hair a mess, lipstick smudged, and mascara slightly staining her under eyes. y/n put down her makeup wipe, sighed, and closed her eyes, before turning around to face Bada.

"my party was great. I had a great time. Such a great time that THAT is the reason I called you- to tell you how great of a time I was having." she sarcastically spewed, getting more fiery by the second. Bada was even more confused now, somehow feeling even more guilty than before.

"so why did you call me then, y/n… why?" the older girl calmly asked, trying to contain the guilty look overtaking her eyes. Seeing her face, y/n's own guilty expression showed up as she began to question why she was even talking in the first place.

"I don't know…" y/n felt like she could cry. Because truth be told, she had called Bada in hopes that the older girl would come get her, and the two of them could go do something instead… but just the two of them. Without Howl- without anyone. Y/n hated going to parties now, ever since she met Bada, she started hating it. She hated dating around and meeting guys that wanted to fuck her, or even guys that actually wanted to date her- it didn't matter because y/n hated it all now. Yet whenever she found out Bada would be at her house, she couldn't bring herself to stay there, so she got dressed up and went out, hoping some guy would be able to fuck her good enough or talk to her sweet enough that she'd be able to confidently tell herself that she wasn't obsessed with her brother's girlfriend.

The silence that filled the room felt suffocating. The two girls just standing there, the younger hanging her head feeling so many emotions that she doesn't know how to process. y/n felt her throat tighten the longer Bada stood there, silent. Bada knew there was an answer, but she could tell right now she wasn't going to get it. So she sighed and shook her head, and then left closing the door behind her.

A few weeks go by and things are back to normal with y/n and Bada, except now it's Howl's turn to start acting strange. He hasn't been kissing Bada or hugging her or even having any remote physical contact with her. She doesn't feel hurt by it, but Bada is slightly confused. He's been extra busy and has been unavailable any time she's tried to ask him to hang out until one time he finally agrees. He drives to her apartment and they end up ordering takeout and watching a movie

"I have a question…" Howl brings up out of nowhere, still not being touchy with her. Bada looks away from the TV and hums, signaling him to continue

"do you like girls?" Bada is a little shocked by the question but not completely thrown off. She tilts her head and smiles a little awkwardly

"well… yeah? But I also like guys… sometimes" she jokes, hoping he hasn't caught onto her, and if he has that he isn't going to tear her to shreds for it. Howl hums and nods.

"well do you like me?" he follows up, to which Bada huffs out a laugh that sounds a little more forced than she wanted it to

"well I'm dating you aren't I?" she tries to joke, but howl only smiles a little, definitely having gained an understanding of the situation over the last few days.

"that doesn't answer my question, Bada…" he argues gently, still with a slightly knowing smile. Bada realizes the situation and her face drops slightly.

"I'm so sorry." she starts, the guilt from the early stages seeping back into her heart again.

"I didn't mean for it to be like this I really thought-" she tries to explain, but is cut off by Howl

"It's okay- I promise. I could tell you really did try… but I also wasn't entirely feeling a spark either, so I promise Bada, it's okay. Please don't beat yourself up over this…" she's hunched over, elbows resting on her knees as she hides her face in her hands. he places a comforting hand on her shoulder and she just feels so guilty

"c'mon you can't be sad and awkward around me now, especially if you're gonna try and date my sister." he confidently joked, causing Bada's eyes to widen and for her to sit straight up. Her jaw dropped to the floor and her now ex(??) just laughed.

"WHAT???" she squeaked, absolutely baffled at what Howl had just said.

"I was talking to y/n…" he started calm and then started laughing again

"she kinda snitched on you, fucking cheater" and Bada thought she was gonna cry, she was feeling so many emotions. But clearly seeing that his joke didn't land as well as he thought it would, he began scrambling to comfort her.

"But I'm not upset! I promise! I thought it was funny- I swear Bada it's okay" he rambled as he hugged the now crying Bada. She felt too confused and didn't know what was going on but she also felt a little hopeful.

"She really likes you…" Howl whispered into her hair while hugging her, causing her to hiccup slightly before sitting back to wipe her tears.

"what the fuck do you mean 'she likes you'" the girl sighs and shakes her head, still feeling tears prepare to fall.

"well…" he starts

"We actually got into a huge fight after you left that day a few weeks ago… I was so fed up with her attitude that I accidentally blew up on her, and then she blew up on me, and we didn't end up talking for three days I think… but then I went to apologize and she just cried and cried, talking about how she was a horrible sister and she felt like a horrible person and that she didn't know what to do… I was so confused." howl began explaining

" but then when I asked her what she was talking about she really just flipped her shit and started crying so hard that o thought she was gonna make herself sick- I felt awful… so I just hugged her and let her cry until she calmed down at least a little bit. Then all of a sudden she looked up at me and said- "I'm so sorry… but- I think I like Bada". I was honestly just so shocked and at first I was so in denial that I thought she was joking, meaning she liked you as a friend- I was like "That's great!" then she started crying harder and I realized what she meant…" Bada sat there with her hand over her mouth, absolutely shocked beyond words.

A couple of days later, Bada gets a text from Howl ‘hey- I'm not home…’ to which she raises an eyebrow and replies ‘ok?’ a few moments later her phone pings again

‘but y/n is ;)’ Bada rolls her eyes and scoffs out a laugh, but then she starts thinking about it seriously and decides to head to her room to pick out an outfit. She turns on the shower and texts howl while the water warms up ‘how long will you be out for?’ and not even a minute later, he's responding

‘oh I'm out for the night, go keep her company😋😚’ and Bada just shakes her head smiling, puts her phone down then hops in the shower. She shaves everything, deep washes her hair and makes sure to use the lotion she knows y/n likes. Once she finishes up, she checks her phone again to see the time and realizes it’s 7:26. Bada gets dressed and tries not to bother putting on any makeup, but ultimately decides to do a little eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. The girl grabbed her purse and hopped in her car, heading off to her ex-boyfriend’s house, aka her new girlfriend’s house.

When Bada pulled into the driveway, she started to panic a little. ‘What if y/n was just having a moment and doesn’t actually like me? What if she doesn’t actually like girls at all and was just thinking she did?’ she started psyching herself out but then remembered how torn Howl had described the younger girl to be. So she got out of the car and walked up to the door, before kicking on it confidently. Or at least with fake confidence.

When y/n opens the door, she’s already confused and looks a little distressed. She had known that Howl and Bada had broken up, so why was she here? Howl of course hadn’t told his sister the plan, wanting to catch her off guard in order for her to feel her realest emotions. And although he had explained to her that they had broken up, he only told her it was because there were no romantic feelings between them anymore- her brother never mentioned the part where he practically outed her to Bada.

“Hey y/n!” Bada chirps with a nervous smile, as she stands stiffly with her hands in her pockets. Y/n’s still partially hiding behind the door and her confusion is still very apparent, especially after hearing the older girl’s chipper tone.

“Uh… hey.” she tries to respond enthusiastically, but it barely comes out in her tone of voice as well as her lack of expression change. They both stand there for a few seconds before Bada clears her throat.

“Uh… can I come in?” the older of the two asks with the same bright tone as before, but the other starts to panic slightly.

“Oh- well Howl isn’t home… so…” the smaller girl struggled to find any other words

“I know.” Bada responded with a shy but knowing smile, causing the younger girl’s eyes to widen and her mouth to part slightly, starting to understand the situation but not wanting to jump to any conclusions. She starts to nod slowly and steps back to open the door fully, moving aside to let the other in.

“Uhm… yeah, come in.” She finally speaks up, still a little dazed and confused, and the older smiles gently at her as she enters. Bada walks around comfortably, having been in the house plenty of time. She takes a seat in the middle of the sofa, looking over at y/n who is still standing stiffly by the front door. The older chuckles and tilts her head before patting the cushion, indicating she wants the younger girl to come sit next to her. The one still standing begins to cautiously make her way over, causing Bada to roll her eyes.

“Oh my god, Y/n I'm not gonna bite you-” she grabs the smaller girl’s wrist once she gets close enough, and pulls her down to sit right next to her on the couch. y/n let out a gasp, shocked by the contact but also the older girl’s assertiveness.

“Well- not yet at least” Bada finishes with a cheesy smirk, trying to joke around but also being completely serious. The girl across from her let out an awkward laugh, trying her best to calm down, but still totally lost as to why her brother’s ex-girlfriend was there.

“So… why exactly are you here? If you knew Howl wasn’t gonna be here, and I’m assuming you know he’s not gonna be here for a while…” y/n questioned quietly, unsure of what to expect in response. The older of the two put her arm on the back of the couch and leaned in closer.

“You really don’t know?” Bada questioned softly, seductively, eyeing up the girl across from her- who stayed silent, only shaking her head in denial.

“I’m here to see you…” the older explained, still carrying a dark, tension-filled aura, trying to get the ball rolling and finally get her point across. Yet, the younger girl across from her wasn’t budging.

“You’re here to see me… why?” y/n asked, genuinely confused.

“C’mon y/n, you don’t need to play dumb” Bada chuckled and shook her head with a smirk.

“I’m not playing dumb, there’s just no way you’re actually here to see me.” she was starting to get frustrated and Bada could tell by the way she was scooting back to put some distance between them- the younger girl’s response confused her.

“Why wouldn’t I want to come see you-” the older is cut off by her counterpart standing up abruptly to stand in front of her still-seated figure.

“Because Bada, you’ve never actually wanted to come see me. you’re only trying to mess with me- you’re always fucking messing with me…” there was a long pause and the older girl watched y/n’s face go from frustrated to distraught, noticing her eyes start to water.

“I didn’t like you at all and then you forced your way in here and I had no choice- but when I actually start FUCKING liking you for real, you decide to stop trying. You stop wanting me to come out with you and Howl, you stop complimenting me, you don’t even look in my direction-” By now y/n’s crying out in anger and frustration, and Bada is standing there watching it all happen, totally blind-sided.

“And I know it’s selfish, and so fucking crazy of me to have been wanting my brother’s FUCKING GIRLFRIEND to pay more attention to me than she did him- I know it’s fucked… but it is absolutely not fair that you played into it the way you did…” she begins to sob fully, hanging her head as her shoulder shake.

“It’s not fucking fair…” y/n whispers covering her face with her hands. Bada didn’t know what to do as she stood with her mouth slightly agape, speechless, and unprepared for the outburst of emotions from the young girl. She cautiously began stepping toward her sobbing figure, and once she was close enough, Bada gently grabbed y/n’s wrist pulling her hand away from her face. She looked up at the taller girl, still crying and Bada slowly moved her other hand up to cup y/n’s face. Her lip was quivering as she held back another wave of tears, waiting for the older girl’s next move.

“I’m so sorry…” Bada whispered staring deeply into y/n’s eyes, the sincerity and warmth of her glance causing the younger of the two to burst into tears again, dropping her head as much as she could while still being held.

“Everything I’ve ever said to you was real… I’ve meant every single word of it all.” the older girl continued to reassure gently wiping the tears from y/n’s eyes as they continued to fall. She bit her lip debating whether or not it was a good time to prove herself, ultimately deciding that it was.

“Y/n…” Bada called softly and lifted the smaller girl’s head gently to look up at her. She had stopped crying for the most part and was calmer now, so Bada took a deep breath before leaning in and pressing her lips passionately to y/n’s. The younger girl’s breath hitched into the kiss in short-lived shock, before her eyes fluttered shut and quickly fell into rhythm. Bada’s lips were soft and tasted of sweet chapstick- something y/n noticed right away… something she never paid attention to with any of the boys she’d been with in the past, only ever noticing how cold they all felt. But not Bada. Bada’s kisses were warm, and passionate, filled with emotion and feeling. Y/n felt something, and it didn’t scare her anymore, at least not at that moment.

The older girl was still holding onto the other’s wrist with one hand while cupping her face with the other. Y/n moved her free hand to cautiously land on Bada’s cheek, just barely grazing the skin before the taller of the two shifted her hand placement as well, freeing y/n’s wrist to wrap her arm around the girl’s waist and pull her in tighter, deepening the kiss- causing her to have to adjust her hand from the slight touch of Bada’s cheek to firmly holding onto the back of her neck. They stumbled back slightly and continued to lead each other backward until y/n was bumping into the end table. They separated for about half a second to gauge their spacing before y/n was leaning against the table and Bada was bending down to meet her height. After a few more moments of soft yet passionate kissing, Bada backed away for a brief second, smiling when the younger girl leaned forward to follow her lips. y/n opened her eyes, a tad confused in her dazed state.

“Why don’t we go upstairs?” the older softly mumbled against the other’s lips, pressing short kisses in the moments of silence, making it hard for the girl in question to focus and respond. y/n nodded and closed her eyes again to enjoy a longer kiss before her counterpart parted again to drag her up the stairs toward her bedroom. Bada had no trouble finding the girl’s room seeing as she’s familiar with the house as a whole, but has also been in it before.

Once they make it inside, neither bothers to close the door as they both head straight for the bed. Bada pushes y/n gently as they both near the edge and the younger of the two sits bringing her partner down with her, their lips still connected. Y/n scoots her way back so she’s laying against her pillows as Bada crawls her way up with her. Their energy becomes more united as their lips continue to mold together and pick up speed.

Bada has one hand resting near the top of the bed and her other hand rubs up and down y/n’s side at first, but eventually coming to a stop on her lower inner thigh before pulling slightly to part the smaller girl’s legs, making more room for herself to fully lay in between them. Y/n felt a short whine slip out at the feeling of the older girl’s hands on her, bringing one leg up to wrap around her hips. As soon as Bada registered y/n pulling her closer, she began to slowly grind her hips into the girl beneath her, both letting out soft whines and moans as they continued to move together. y/n’s hands were moving up Bada’s shirt, rubbing her sides and grazing her back, only spurring the older girl to become even more passionate with her actions.

Their kisses were starting to become messy, with their tongues intertwining and them nipping at each other’s lips every now and then. Bada began to work her way down, kissing from the corner of y/n’s lips and across her cheek as she began biting and sucking from her jaw down to below the girl’s collarbone. The older of the two was sure she spent enough time and effort marking up her partner’s neck- at least she thought so with how much louder y/n’s moans and whines had gotten, and by the way she was tugging at her hair.

Bada worked her way back up and as soon as she got even remotely close, the young girl was pulling her back in to attack her lips again. The room was quiet aside from the rustling of clothing and bedsheets, along with the small noises of pleasure coming from the two girls, slightly muffled by their kisses. Bada began to work her hands down the other girl’s body stopping at the waistband of her sweatpants, running her fingers across the edge before ever so slightly dipping underneath them. Y/n tensed for a second and Bada could tell something was off

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked softly, quickly checking over the small girl to make sure there wasn’t any obvious issue.

“Yeah! Yeah, actually can we just- uhm… can we just kiss right now… and maybe do some other stuff at a later time?” y/n’s voice had gotten almost impossibly quiet at the end as she avoided eye contact and Bada felt her heartbreak at how nervous the girl had seemed to ask her. She reached her hands back up to cup the smaller girl’s face again and began to stroke y/n’s cheeks lovingly.

“Angel, of course we can just kiss right now, we don’t even have to do that if you don’t want to-” the older girl expressed her sincere understanding, but was cut off

“No! I do wanna kiss you- I actually think I might die if I don’t kiss you right now… I just… I’m just still trying to process that you actually want to be with me…” y/n explained and finished with an embarrassed smile, causing Bada to sigh but not out of annoyance or frustration, not even impatience. She just felt so guilty for making this poor girl think there wasn’t a reason for her to be loved. She surveyed the girl’s face, once again noticing the sparkle in her eyes and blush painting her face- how her lips were slightly red and swollen from their activities, and how her eyes were still a little puffy from crying.

Bada leaned forward and pressed her lips back to y/n’s, softly this time as if she were afraid the small girl in front of her would break if she took on any more pressure. They continued their activities from a moment ago, this time more gently, the two feeling themselves become whole as their energies intertwine. After a while, they pull away and just gaze into each other’s eyes in a lovestruck daze.

“I wanna do this. I know this is all totally new to you, so let’s take our time okay? Let’s make sure we talk things out and we’re honest about our feelings from now on… I really want things to work between us y/n.” Bada expressed her true feelings all while stroking the other girl’s cheek gently and then petting her hair. Y/n’s eyes began to water again, this time out of overwhelming happiness, as she nodded her head enthusiastically, unable to bring herself to speak knowing she’d start crying again.

“You really are a crybaby, you know that?” Bada teased softly, tucking a piece of hair behind y/n’s ear. The younger just shyly giggled and tucked her head onto the other’s chest after hitting her playfully. They stayed that way for a while, with Bada’s arm wrapped securely around y/n’s waist.

“So, what movie do you wanna watch?” the older had spoken up after a few moments of them enjoying the silence, waiting as the younger peaked up with puppy eyes before looking off to the side to ponder for a second.

“Hmm… let’s watch Tangled!” she expressed excitedly, blushing again when her partner rolled her eyes, having already expected that to be the answer. It didn’t really matter in the end what movie they chose though, seeing as they both ended up falling asleep wrapped securely in each other’s arms about thirty minutes into the film.

And the next morning when Howl came home, he made his way upstairs to see if his sister was home, and sure enough, when he saw her door was open and was about to walk in he realized she was cuddled up with exactly who he had expected to be there. He smiled to himself, shutting her door quietly, and just kept walking down the hall to his own room. Mission accomplished.

notes: i genuinely think i'm incapable of writing short fics...

permanent taglist: @uwulyn

#bada lee x reader #street woman fighter 2 #street woman fighter x reader #bada lee #bada x reader #reqs for rosie

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number1villainstan · 2 months

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I just saw Dune Part 2 (2024) with some friends so here are some Thoughts i guess

I feel like on the whole these movies are trying to either downplay or cut out a lot of the misogyny/sexism in the book, although Herbert's view of gender roles is so pervasive in the book that it's hard to change without completely changing the worldbuilding (the Bene Gesserit especially) and/or certain characters and getting second-order effects that weaken or change the main plot. But they did a good job at least making it much less in-your-face and offensive than in the book. One of Chani's lines is about how "men and women are equal" in the Fremen, and while I don't really think that's supported by how the movie depicts Fremen I can see and respect where they're coming from

It's still a very male-dominated movie, but it's honestly pretty faithful to the book, and like--what are you gonna do? It's Dune. You can't exactly just genderbend Paul and get the same story, at least not when the Bene Gesserit are still what they are

wait now i'm thinking about an AU where the Kwisatz Haderach turns out to be a trans man. ideally you'd get both the canon critiques of white savior mythos/the Messiah trope and a deconstruction of the sexism and strict gender roles of the society of the Dune universe. also ideally you'd get a whole bunch of other queer characters in the same AU. you could also do an AU where the Kwisatz Haderach/a potential Kwisatz Haderach turns out to be a trans woman, or even nonbinary, but i feel like those would make for very different stories cuz AGAB/ASAB seems to matter like A Lot in the Dune universe

the movies did manage to completely get rid of the homophobic parts of the Harkonnens' characterization though. i did like that

although it was still using disability/deformity as shorthand for Ugly Evil Guy which :/

but enough about the Problematic Elements(TM) let's talk about the actual story

Chani was a lot more politically and generally assertive in the movie than I remember her being in the book, although it's been A While and she was also very much a Main Character who had thoughts and opinions and importance outside of the male characters she was affiliated with (as much as anyone can escape the political black hole that is Muad'dib but) AND! she actively advocated for Fremen self-governance in the beginning! although she didn't keep it up cuz she got sucked into the Paul black hole. this may have happened in the book it has been like two years since i read the first book and it was very disjointed reading cuz College(TM). I also liked the ending part, where it was implied that Chani was leaving, on her own, because she was angry with Paul, which implies More Character Development. (Also they didn't seem to do the Fremen polygamy/concubines thing in the movie, which was a good call, i feel like that part of the book was maybe informed by anti-Arab racism)

Jessica was incredible, of course. Love me a good ruthless woman. Her main character trait/motivation was definitely Paul's Mother but her main personality trait seems to be incredible ruthlessness. there is no madonna/whore complex to be found here no sir

(i may be wrong about that part but eh)

And of course the Harkonnen Blood reveal. the story definitely sets up Atreides as The Good Guys (fair, just, merciful, looking out for and caring about the people under their rule) and the Harkonnens as The Bad Guys (cruel, unjust, power-hungry and traitorous), which makes the reveal that Jessica and Paul have Harkonnen blood an incredible symbol of Paul's corruption arc. He goes from "I must do anything possible to avoid the holy war" (the Atreides way) to "CONQUER ARRAKIS AND ELIMINATE ANYONE WHO STANDS IN MY WAY" (the Harkonnen way) over the course of...technically years, in the book, although that wasn't super well communicated in the movie I feel--in the movie it was only months, cuz Alia hadn't been born yet by the end. And right before we see the worst of it we end up learning that Jessica, his mother, was a daughter of Baron Harkonnen. Jesus fuck.

there's definitely some Not Great elements about using ancestors/blood to determine morality but still

princess irulan was introduced! as an independent character and actor in her own right oh my god! although she still falls prey to the sexism infusing the original material

the dune books (at least the first two) are in this weird state where there are very strict and specific roles/walks of life that female characters are allowed in (domestic/family life and religion) and men dominate Everything Else and nobody every questions that, not to mention the whole thing about how apparently even the very female religion/psychic field is supposed to be dominated eventually by This One Man who can do it better than all the women, and yet all of the female characters are well-developed and feel like people. ykno aside from the complete lack of protest in being shoved into a sexist role

anyways irulan got more development than i remember from the books, i loved that, and that we got her POV too. these movies are really working to uplift and spotlight the female perspectives that were often somewhat sidelined in the books and i love that

also stilgar's (blind?) faith REALLY came through which i liked

overall, yeah, the movie was great. it's very faithful to the spirit of Dune while addressing some of its flaws/datedness--it understands what its message is and what it's saying, and the way it's constructed really hammers home the critiques of imperialism and racism the original was built on

I think this is gonna end up a trilogy, based on only the first book, and it very much seems like the third (and final?) movie is going to specifically focus on the war against the Great Houses after the Emperor falls, which iirc was kinda glossed over in the book/between Dune and Dune: Messiah. I can't wait to see what they do with it

#dune #dune part two #dune part 2 #dune part two spoilers #dune part 2 spoilers #dune 2 spoilers #dune 2 #also that one poster where it's paul and chani walking forward with the sun to their backs and chani is VISIBLY IN FRONT OF PAUL #frank herbert could never

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linkspooky · 12 days

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Megumi Will Start the Merger Theory

You heard me. I know this sounds wild and out of left field, but it's just a theory. A Jujutsu Kaisen theory. I fully acknowledge it might not happen, but please stick around long enough for me to argue why I think Megumi's character may go in this direction.

This one is for all the Megumi corruption arc truthers out there. I came up with this theory when it became clear that saving Megumi from Sukuna's grasp was going to be more difficult than just giving him a motivational speech, or punching Sukuna until their souls separated. Furthermore, I believe that Jujutsu Kaisen's manga won't end with the defeat of Sukuna. There will be one more curve ball thrown at us by Gege in the late game, and this is me trying to anticipate the pitch before the baseball hits me in the face. Underneath the cut I will speculate on the direction that Gege may take Megumi's arc, the relationship between Sukuna and Megumi, and Yuji's role in the finale.

What is a Corruption Arc?

Before digging in too deep I want to explain what I mean when I say I'm a Megumi corruption arc truther. A character arc is a story arc in regards to a character where a character changes from beginning to end. That's the most basic definition, arcs can be more complex, some arcs are actually inversions of the standard character arc where a character is defined by his lack of change.

However, those still need some element change, sometimes characters around them change to show contrast. For example, Eren is a stagnant character from beginning to end in Attack on Titan, but characters like Mikasa, Armin, Jean all grow up to show by comparison how little Eren has grown. Sometimes circumstances change around a character, and their lack of growth is a failure to adapt to those circumstances.

A character arc requires a change, but it's not necessarily a positive change. Often called negative character development, these characters regress instead of grow. This happens in many ways. One of the most basic examples of a character arc is a want / need arc. A want / need arc shows an emotional hole in the protagonist's life that needs repairing and how resolving the plot allows them to fill that hole. The protagonist usually knows what they need, but they know what they want, and often what they want won't actually fix them.

For example if I'm feeling sad I want to eat donuts to lift my mood, but what I need to do is learn healthier ways to work through my negative emotions. A character who keeps pursuing what they want, instead of realizing what they need won't grow, that's negative character development.

That's just one example though, Gege gave us a blueprint for a corruption arc in Hidden Inventory.

In Yu Yu Hakusho the character Sensui (directly cited by Gege as his inspiration for Geto in an interview) once was a spirit detective like the protagonist. No one describes him as corrupt from the beginning, in fact he's constantly described as more pure and upstanding than delinquent Yusuke Urameshi who likes getting into fights. He has a strong sense of justice, but rigid black and white views that come with it. Once he's confronted with evidence that directly contradicts his demons bad, humans good paradigm he cannot cope, and the narrative all but states Sensui's purity traditionally a good trait corrupted him because of his inability to adapt and his rigidity in in his beliefs.

Sensui goes through a corruption arc, albeit one offscreen and mainly referred to in backstory.

Geto's happens onscreen in its own story arc where he is one of two main characters. Much like Sensui he's presented to us as a sorcerer like Gojo, but unlike Gojo he believes sorcerers are obligated by duty to protect non-sorcerers who have no way of fighting against curses. You could argue that in some ways Geto and Gojo are the same type of jerk, but Geto's principles are clearly set up to contrast Gojo who at that age only was a sorcerer to flex his abilities. Geto's friendship often has him lecturing Gojo about respecting others, paying special attention to Gojo's feelings in ways that other characters don't, and also not being afraid to clash with Gojo over differences in morals.

If Geto is corrupt from the beginning there's no arc there, so he's clearly set up as being the moral fiber to contrast Gojo. We are literally presented with a scene where Gojo admits he could kill the non-sorcerers who hired a bounty hunter to assasinate Riko and feel nothing, and relies on Geto to make a moral judgement in his place, that society will already punish them and their slaughter is pointless.

The irony is that later, Geto will engage in pointless slaughter killing an entire town in retribution for their abuse of Nanako and Mimiko. When Gojo confronts him about his actions, Gojo cites the same reasoning that Geto provided him to stop him from killing the cult members.

That Geto's murder of innocent civilians is pointless, because it won't achieve anything - his world of sorcerers is out of reach. Geto's clearly positioned as Gojo's moral tether, because he cites Geto's statement of only killing when there's meaning to it right back at him.

This is also where the corruption part of his corruption arc comes in, a change has taken place here. Geto hypocritically contradicts his earlier words, not just engaging in meaningless slaughter but also punishing people with his own hands instead of letting the justice systems in place take care of the punishments. Two things he held Gojo back from doing, only to do himself post corruption arc.

You could cite many things as the reason for Geto's corruption arc, but the common theme shared with Sensui is resistance to change. Geto saw the world in two distinct categories strong / weak, the same way Sensui saw humans good / demons bad. When Geto is shown that weak people are capable of bonding together to oppress strong people (the cult) and that sorcerers despite having strength are on the losing end of their society (they are expected to risk their lives and toil endlessly for curses 99% of the population can't even see), he cannot cope.

He especially cannot cope with the reality that Rika's death showed him, that he is not strong as he once believed. All of this combined leads Geto to double down, still seeing strong and weak as separate categories but now blaming normal citizens for the inherent corruption inside the Jujutsu World. Notice how Gojo a character with positive development seeks to reform from inside the Jujutsu World instead.

Geto also still wants to think of himself in the strong category, rather than facing the feelings that Riko's death and his helplessness in that moment gave him, as well as Gojo pulling he instead decides to double down on the idea that he's in the strong category, that he's superior.

Geto even remarks jealousy at Gojo's godlike power for the first time, when before this he's always been the only person to treat Gojo as an equal - because Geto doubling down on his superiority complex begins imagining himself above others and therefore untouchable by trauma. It's also a grab for agency, because in this world sorcerers are rather agenciless, forced to be cogs in an unfair system. Geto incorrectly assumes agency = power. If he possessed Gojo's power he would be able to grab his agency back (which is simply incorrect because Gojo is one of the most agenciless characters in the manga, defined by his rigid role as the lynchpin of society).

Geto also doesn't mature. A mature adult lives in the world, and accepts that the world is imperfect. Geto is remarked as childish, first by Shoko when they are smoking together "sulking because no one understands you... sounds awfully childish if you ask me", and then by Yuta "You think you're a god? You sound like a kid!"

So we have, refusal to grow up, refusal to adapt to a complex world, resistance to grief, and grabbing for agency and power instead of fixing an issue inside himself - all of these combine to make the Jenga Tower that is Geto Suguru collapse.

The central question of Geto's arc, spoken by Gojo to Yaga is "Is it possible to save someone who doesn't want to be saved?"

If Geto refuses all help, refuses to admit that he's wrong, and does not want to change then what really can Gojo do in this situation? Was he right to give up? Did he give up too early, refusing to kill Geto but also spending ten years just ignoring the problem until Geto attacked in Jujutsu Kaisen Zero? Did it not matter what Gojo did because ultimately Geto's choices are his own?

There's no clear answer, because it's a question the author is asking the audience to ponder. It's also a question directly set up for Megumi to answer, because when Gojo is unable to do a thing for Geto we see his next action is to seek out Megumi. His words imply that he sees Megumi in Geto and advises him not to be left behind, he also clearly became a teacher in order to not let what happened between him and Geto repeat in the next generation.

In spit of Gojo's best intentions, he's not able to protect Megumi from any of Sukuna's designs toward him, or basically anything that happens in post Shibuya's. Simply raising Megumi to be strong, did not prevent him from suffering trauma in his youth on Geto's level.

There's even a deliberate parallel, they both witness the death of an innocent who they promised to protect (Tsumiki, Riko Amanai) and they both have had their body taken from them, Geto's corpse is turned into a literal puppet to help advance Kenjaku's plans, Sukuna steals Megumi's body in order to revive himself in the modern era. They're both even used as tools against Gojo, Kenjaku uses Geto's body to awaken memories in Gojo and complete the sealing. Sukuna uses Mahoraga to learn the world splitting slash that cuts through Gojo's defenses.

Megumi also has a set of values that society spits in the face of. Megumi wishes to selfishly protect his sister, and pick and choose who to save. Geto believes the strong are obligated to protect the weak. Geto sees weak people who are corrupt and not worthy of his protection and also the reality that sorcerers are the exploited class, Megumi is forced to kill Tsumiki with his own hands.

These are intentional narrative parallels to show the risk of Megumi may walk the same path as Geto, especially since Megumi is in many ways a pure child like Geto himself.

Dark Phoenix Arc

There's one more corruption arc I want to compare Megumi's too, to give some idea of where I expect Megumi's arc to lead.

The Dark Phoenix Saga commonly refers to the story in Uncanny X-Men #129 - 138 of Jean Grey’s corruption by the power of the Phoenix and the Hellfire Club. It was considered incredibly shocking for its time. One thing to note is while Jean Grey is famous nowadays, in early X-Men she was the weakest character and her role was basically limited to “The Woman” of the team.

Elevating the helpless damsel woman to the most powerful member of the team, if not the entire universe and then having her turn evil had never been done before. It was a jaw-dropping shock at the time.

The reason I am citing the Dark Phoenix arc as an example, is because both Jean Grey and Megumi's character arc revolves around themes of agency, how it's stolen from them and how they reclaim it.

The basic summary of the Phoenix arc is that Jean Grey is initially given a massive power boost when she's possessed by the Phoenix. She stays behind on a crashing ship only to be saved by the Phoenix, a guardian, alien entity of immense power that was locked away in a crystal. Jean Grey returns as Phoenix with a massive power boost, but there's several ambiguous elements that compromise her agency. It's implied that Jean Grey always had a tremendous power that was in part sealed away by Professor Xavier using his telepathy (infringing on her agency) and that while the Phoenix gifted Jean Grey power, it's also an alien entity effecting her mind and body.

On top of that when she acquires the power, outside forces begin wanting to manipulate Jean in order to gain her power for their own ends.

A group called the Hellfire club begin to psychically tamper with her mind. They trap her in hallucination world where she is a woman of the 1800s, (not famously known for their agency) and in love with the leader of the Hellfire Club, even going so far as to give her false memories in order to convince her that this is reality.

The concept of agency and how it's constantly infringed upon, even by someone who's supposed to be on her side (Xavier) is central to this arc. Jean evetually escapes from the Hellfire club's manipulation, and reclaims her bodily autonomy but the story does not end there.

The subtle changes in Jean's behavior still continue, even after Jean has freed herself from the mind control. Is this the result of being given too much power at once? Is Jean losing control because she was never taught to properly handle her powers?

Jean Grey is also the character with the strongest potential in the main cast (much like Megumi) and also a character who's been prevented from using her powers to their full potential and even had her powers stolen and used by others (Much like Megumi).

It's heavily important that Jean's corruption into dark phoenix happens after freeing herself, and in response to the Hellfire club's machination to take all agency away from her. Jean instead makes a grab for power and agency by abusing her power as Dark Phoenix.

Jean even mentions that turning against her friends and trying to kill them as Dark Phoenix, will sever the last tie holding her back, will get of Jean Grey for good and cause her to fully embrace being Phoenix.

Jean has flipped entirely, overembracing the power and agency that has been stolen from her again and again, but really how could someone not desperately try to take back control of their lives after being mind controlled or having their mind violated multiple times (the phoenix itself, the hellfire club, even by Xavier).

How can someone never allowed to use her power, or given choices on how to use her power, not be corrupted when after being stepped on all of their lives the power of a god is dropped into their lap?

This is why I believe Megumi will be the one to initiate the merger, because his entire arc has been about having his power stolen away from him and what would Megumi do when given total power over the merger by Kenjaku?

Megumi Corruption Theory

The biggest piece of evidence for this theory is right here, Kenjaku specifically says to give Megumi Fushiguro the authority to start the merger.

There's a technical reason for this, Sukuna is currently in Megumi's body, and Sukuna himself was actually registered in Yuji's place because Yuji was built by Kenjaku to be a cage for Sukuna.

However, it can also be read as foreshadowing. If you believe like I do that the merger has to happen, then Sukuna can't be the one to initiate it. The simple reason why is that the main characters will have to be alive to fight against a merger, and Sukuna has set the condition that he'll start the merger after killing the main cast in order to motivate them to fight him with everything they have.

If Sukuna is going to start the merger after killing all the main characters, then he can't be the one to start the merger because the main characters have to be alive to witness the merger take place and fight against it somehow.

Therefore, logically if the merger is going to occur the only person who could possibly activate it is Megumi Fushiguro after reclaiming his body.

There's more foreshadowing then this one instance however, and a lot of it revolves around Sukuna and Megumi's unique relationship and Sukuna's role as a character.

As for why Megumi would possibly start out the merger, it's the same as Jean Grey, a character denied of agency suddenly has all the power in his hands, who wouldn't be corrupted? Especially Megumi, a character who's just been robbed of his sister and his mentor, and his purpose in life besides that (protecting Tsumiki)? Why wouldn't he lash out if suddenly given the power to? His friends are trying to save him yes, but Megumi is begging those save friends not to save him to end it all.

How do you save someone who isn't prepared to be saved?

How is the story going to answer that question, if saving Megumi is a matter as simple as just beating up Sukuna and giving his body back to him?

Onto analyzing more foreshadowing, but first a brief tangent on the nature of foreshadowing in Jujutsu Kaisen. Every major twist in the manga is foreshadowed far in advance. Kenjaku beng the one to possess Geto's body - foreshadowed by Kenjaku killing Mechamaru when Geto was against killing young sorcerers, and the fact Geto was deliberately killed onscreen with no explanation provided to the audience on how he could possibly revive.

Sukuna calls the purpose of the bath to be near evil, to submerge Megumi's soul.

If saving Megumi is just a matter of ridding him of Sukuna's possession however, then how does that allow Megumi to reclaim his agency? What agency does a damsel in distress who just exists to be rescued have?

Megumi's entire arc has been defined by the potential power that everyone sees in him, and his inability to reach that power especailly since other characters (especially Sukuna) seek to steal that power for their own ends. In the culmination of this arc, Sukuna literally steals Megumi's body, and his bodily agency.

How does Megumi finally live up to that potential if Megumi's arc ends with him being saved by Yuji? How does this make Megumi grow or change in any way?

Sensui, who is once again Gege's model of a corruption arc is referred to as a pure angel that was inevitably grew scarred and defiled, by his close personal confidant Itsuki. Not only that, but sinking deep into despair made him grow stronger not weaker.

Itsuki is also, a demon who met and encountered Sensui and then took a deeply invested perosnal interest in watching Sensui be corrupted in real time.

Megumi also has a curse that took a sole interest in him because of his talent and potential, then had a hand in bringing him closer to evil in order to make him sink into despair. There's once again the symbolism of purity being corrupted.

This panel explicitly shows white lilies (symbols of purity) being torn apart and blackened to symbolize what Sukuna wishes to do to Megumi in order to further is own ends.

There's also the heavy budhist symbolism with Sukuna's role in the story, and the way he influences the rest of the cast, especially Gojo Satoru who is our stand-in for the Budha. If the goal of Jujutsu Society is to attain enlightenment (escape cursed energy probably the only thing that will end the miserable lives of sorcerers), then the merger represents the opposite, Kenjaku's goal of optimizing cursed energy by mixing humans, sorcerers and curses to give birth to a new being.

That's also a conflict that needs to be resolved, but Sukuna by pushing forward the optimizing of cursed energy and representing the peak of sorcery living only for sorcerery and his own strength represents a Mara.

Sukuna is comparable to the Celestial Demon Mara in budhist mythology, more on it in this thread. In budhist cosmology, Mara is the “personification of the forces antagonistic to enlightenment.”

If the ultimate goal of budhism is to escape the cycle entirely and stop being reborn in the sensuous realm, Maara instead tempts people to stay in this realm. it defines impernanence by suggesting we stay in this realm forever. It defies Dukha by saying we indulge in physical pleasures in this realm, that we should seek to satisfy ourselves even if budhism argues that life is primarily unsatisfactory.

We even see Sukuna literally tempt a budha-like figure into remaining in this earthly realm. After all aren’t we shown that Gojo achieved enlightenment at seventeen and let go of earthly emotions like the need to be angry and avenge Riko’s killer because the feeling of oneness with existence was too good in that moment.

A lot of people noticed what they thought was Gojo acting out of character in the fight with him and Sukuna, by enjoying the fight and choosing his selfish desire to love jujutsu and fight as a sorcerer over his responsibiltiy to protect children. Something which Nanami says in his dying hallucination that Gojo only ever lived for the pursuit of his selfish desire for Jujutsu in the first place.

Gojo in his last fight against Sukuna forgets about saving Megumi or at least makes it a lesser priority, because Sukuna tempts him to do what he's always wanted to go all out in a sorcery fight and have the freedom to use his powers to the best of his ability. Hoewever, even after using his full strength, Sukuna cuts down the notion that he is above humanity and drags him back to the earth - literally calling him unenlightened.

“This is goodbye. You were born in an era without me and hailed as the strongest yet you turned out to be painfully ordinary…”

Does Sukuna not represent this temptation for all characters? Sukuna represents the selfish ideal of sorcerers, using his powers for himself to satisfy his hedonistic desires and because of this he has the most agency in the story and the story at times even bends to his desires.

Characters even fight for Sukuna's recognition, Hajime, Jogo and Gojo are validated by that same recognition in theend.

Why wouldn't Gojo and more importantly Megumi who are characters with very little agency not jump at the chance to be more like Sukuna, especially if it brings Sukuna the freedom he possesses?

Itsuki refers to himself as Senseui's shadows, leading him to act on his darkest impulses and enjoying watching the corruption spread. Megumi is literally a character who's Jujutsu revolves around his shadow, and summoning powerful Shikigami from it in order to fight. A character with an incomplete domain expansion (another loose plot thread with Megumi that would be unresolved if Megumi were simply saved) which is his own creation, which might surpass Mahoraga the technique handed to him.

In addition to being a Mara, Sukuna is also literally called the "fallen / disgraced one". Itsuki calls Sensui a fallen agel, but in the context of Jujutsu Kaisen there's literally a character called Angel, who's only goal is to save Megumi's soul, and there is a satan figure in Sukuna who wants to corrupt him. Literally, there's an angel and devil on Megumi's shoulder.

How is stealing Megumi's body corruption though? Megumi's not being tempted into being selfish. He's not responsible for any of the sins that Sukuna commits in his body. There's no arc there, because Megumi doesn't reclaim his agency in response to having it stolen away, he doesn't decide to do the bad things himself - it's Sukuna who commits the wrongs.

Even More Setup for the End Game

Here's where I stop referencing Yu Yu Hakusho and only use foreshadowing in the comic itself. The first is the discussion of roles, and how Yuji needs to break away from them, as much as Megumi needs to fight for his agency back.

Part of the reason Sukuna jumped bodies is because Yuji wanted to be given an easy role like a character in a story - rather than thinking and deciding for himself. He thanks Megumi and Gojo for giving him a role seconds before the body swap happens. If Yuji is immediately punished for thinking that what he needs is to be a cog in the machine, to be given a role then methinks that's a bad thing.

However, Yuji has not broken away from that thinking in any significant way. Sukuna even mocks him for finally being given a role.

If Yuji's thinking hasn't changed then no story arc has taken place. If this conflict of Yuji wanting to conform to a cog or a role has persisted since Shibuya - then it's clearly important to his arc and is something that needs to be resolved. If Yuji just solves the problem by being stronger than Sukuna and beating him in a fight, how does that resolve Yuji's flaw of clinging to roles rather than thinking for himself? I ask once again, where's the change?

Saving Megumi like a damsel in distress is still a role someone else has assigned him.

How does the decision to save Megumi right now challenge Yuji's hero complex in any way, besides the fact that Megumi has sunk into despair and would rather just end it all. Is that much a conflict that really forces Yuji to think for himself - to go against the grain of society rather than blindly following others.

If Yuji gets to rescue Megumi like a damsel, that's giving him what he wants, without forcing him to realize what he needs. That's as much of an unfullfilling end to Yuji's arc as a ending where Megumi never reclaims his agency and stands on his own feet and just has to sit there and wait and be passively saved.

Most of all the question: "Is it possible to save someone who's not prepared to be saved?" goes unanswered.

Geto wasn't just depressed and suicidal, he was actively making harmful choices and represented a danger to others. He also had no intention of stopping the path that he was on.

There's a clear parallel between Megumi and Yuji's friendship, and Geto and Gojo's past fallout. However, if it's just a conflict of Yuji saving Megumi who's simply too suicidal and doesn't want to go on living, there's no conflict there. The audience will not see whether or not Gojo was still capable of saving Geto post his burning down the village, or if there was no walking back from that choice. The previous generation won't resolve or fix the mistakes of the past generation.

Yuji remains a hero, Megumi remains a victim, as I reiterate for the thousandth time there's no change.

Megumi starting the merger, or even defeating Sukuna himself (maybe with a completed domain expansion) and then starting the merger is a change. It's also foreshadowed, Mahoraga is the technique he inherited, the technique Sukuna stole (and Mahoraga won't work against him he's already defeated it), Megumi's domain expansion is his own creation, created in his deepest moment of personal growth.

The process of individuation also literally requires a character fully integrating their shadow. Sukuna possessing Megumi is not Megumi facing his shadow or his worst traits, because Sukuna is not Megumi's shadow, he doesn't reflect Megumi's flaws in anyway, he's literally just a parasite.

There's also the 1001 Toji parallels to Megumi that have gone unfulfilled. Toji specifically a character who was abused, then chose to continue the cycle of abuse, specifically because he wanted to prove himself stronger than the peak of sorcery. Especially after a lifetime of being belittled and abused by not having the potential of his Heavenly Restriction recognized.

And what do we have here, but a scene of Toji LITERALLY EMERGING FROM MEGUMI'S SHADOW, in order to enter Dagon's domain.

How is Toji referred to afterwards? As a puppet of carnage bearing his fangs at the strongest around.

An incredibly Sukuna like description, number one because Sukuna's entire existence is simply bearing his fangs at the strongest around, and number two Sukuna is referred to as pure destruction, like a calamity, something with overhwelming sense of self and no humanity.

Not only that, but when fighting Sukuna, Gojo makes an explicit reference to Toji comparing him to Sukuna as the last time he ever felt nervous or challenged by an enemy. Sukuna and Toji are being alligned as similiar characters, supremely selfish people who hoard their agency and strength. Toji also represents the worst of Megumi, a victim caught in a perpetual cycle of lashing out against the world, a bad future path he might take if he doesn't get over himself.

Sukuna is connected to Toji wo is connected to Gojo, and all three represent a path that Megumi has been nudged down his entire life, that he should just selfishly use his power with no regards to anyone else the same way they do.

As I said before in my comparison to Jean, why wouldn't someone who's been robbed of all agency for so long, not go too far in reclaiming it? What's stopping them now that the chains are finally off?

Megumi parallels Geto, who parallels Toji, who parallels Sukuna and why draw all these lines between these characters if it's not to represent a path that Megumi could take?

In other words...

#megumi fushiguro #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #geto suguru #fushiguro megumi #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen spoilers

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