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#but last night out of nowhere
retroautomaton · 11 months
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🧁🔧
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hhhhunty · 6 days
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Really an awful question
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stuckinapril · 5 months
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Absolutely nothing beats getting complimented by drunk girls at a club.
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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Okay but seriously, it is SO much fun to ruin someone's mind with an absolutely absurd amount of pleasure over such a long amount of time. The hazy eyes, constant giggling or inability to control themselves, the building need before they finally get their release. God, it is SUCH a rush, having that power and control over someone. I'm so in love with that feeling.
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lucky-draws · 8 months
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maria...
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mattodore · 4 months
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tagged by @wldestluv-rs and @rottengurlz <3
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OCS as OBSCURE ASSOCIATIONS with Matthias
ANIMAL: wolves / cougars / birds of prey
COLORS: silver / ice blue
MONTH: april… it’s his birth month
SONGS: he has a playlist, but some personal favorites for him are temptation by michelle gurevich, bring me back a dog by iamx, and total depravity by the veils
NUMBER: 9
PLANTS: aconite / thistle / dogwood
SMELLS: saffron / amber / wood / leather / powder (et cetera, et cetera... matthias wears strong cologne so i could go on and on for this one)
GEMSTONE: apatite / hematite / snowflake obsidian
TIME OF DAY: 5-7 am
SEASON: winter
WEATHER: a hail storm—freezing rain that stings the skin and hail that cuts it open
SKY: dawn
PLACES: drowning under the bloodied ice of a frozen lake / walking through a garden atrium with humidity that plasters his clothes to his skin
FOOD: ciasto ze śliwkami
DRINKS: red wine
SEASONINGS: pepper
ELEMENT: water
ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS: aries
MAGICAL POWER: resurrection
WEAPONS: torn knuckles / belt / wire
SOCIAL MEDIA: this is the doesn’t-like-technology guy… there’s seriously zero associations i can come up with here. he’s meant for sending heated love letters and waiting an unbearable fortnight for a response.
MAKEUP PRODUCT: lip stain
CANDY: jawbreaker
METHOD OF LONG DISTANCE TRAVEL: trapped in a casket in a dark hearse / kidnapped and thrown in the back of a trunk
ART STYLE: classical realism / baroque
FEAR: drowning / sleep
MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE: hellhound
PIECE OF STATIONERY: a heavy paperweight that’s just a chunk of raw stone
THREE EMOJIS: 🐺🩻🩸⏳🍷📖♟️
CELESTIAL BODY: eris
tagging @birdietrait, @hell-dusk, @stinkrascal, @veone, @void-imp, @zohrou, and @rainymoodlet
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gumy-shark · 1 month
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<- god's wettest most pathetic most stressed most anxious beast btw
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impending-day · 3 months
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i need c!scott and c!grian to fucking. like. ok. yknow how fanon is lile "scott is the god of mcc heheidjend!!!1!!" and fanon is also like "grian is/was a watcher!!1!!!1!" yeah. take that and shove it into the prompt "grian and scott go god mode and duke it out and they kill each other except it doesnt actually matter if they die or not they just need to fight like it is a fight to the death for no good reason." i dont care about trafficseries. i dont care about empires hermitcraft crossover. this can take place in a fucking void for all i care. they exist in my mind just to smack each other around. settings dont matter anymore. i need them to explode
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notabled-noodle · 2 years
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shame memories are the worst. sometimes they’re probably worse than my trauma flashbacks. trauma flashbacks may make me cry, but shame memories make me feel like I’m made of hot disgusting gloop and like I need to bury my head in the floor
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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brain also insisted that was played by an employee. despite it being realistically impossible due to how the neck looks in the side shot
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felizusnavidad · 4 months
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taylor swift lyrics that keep u up at night?
*takes a deep breath*
remember looking at this room, we loved it cause of the light now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time.
(oversharing in the tags)
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jimmysdragonsuit13 · 3 months
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It really annoys me when I’m trying not to start an obsession for a new band and suddenly that band is EVERYWHERE.
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kuruk · 6 months
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I'm in the hospital because my dad got mad at me after he found out I was the one who could see his messages and not my mom and he threatened to call the cops saying he could "easily put me in a nuthouse" and when I tried going back to my room to get my backpack since he wanted me to go to my mom's house or he was gonna call the cops, he blocked my way and he ans my brother wouldn't let me leave so I grabbed a random pill bottle and then my brother tackled me to the ground and choked me and wouldn't get off of me for so long until the cops came and now my throat hurts and my dad told the cops I hate cops for some reason I guess he wanted to influence their opinion of me lol I'm going to die. yes childish but I cut my wrists last night after an argument because he kept calling me an ugly cow and now i look like the crazy suicidal one when really I got choked while they recorded me and my dad lied tk the cops sayinf i was choking mtself
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qfzeeph · 7 months
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oh no bro
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jewishfalin · 24 days
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There is a very specific sort of antisemitism that is seemingly common in mental health facilities and its fucking terrifying
#the last 2 times ive been in a mental hospital it was always the most visibly jewish person who got targeted by nurses#and i happened to be the most visibly jewish person in a psychward the last time#its like. the 1st time there were more jewish people in there and the one of us who got it the worst was an older woman with bipolar disord#and like. many of us who noticed how terrible she was getting treated had to tell staff off multiple times#like wtf stop u r literally just poking her with a stick at this point trying to get her to have a meltdown so u have an excuse#to lock her away#it was so fucked#and the rest of us jews in there were like... slightly more stable enough to ignore the taunting from staff#like they'd find the smallest shit to get on our asses about or tell us we're being delusional abt things out of nowhere#like they tried to get a rise out of us specifically so they could frame us as crazy and neurotic when we get frustrated#and the last time i had the mosfortune of being the 1 of 2 jews who was visible and very unstable#i was made sick by nurses on purpose and then gaslit when i was up all night vomiting#i had to be given an injection and sedated the next day just so i would stop projectile vomiting all over my room#i had multiple seizures and they told.me i was throwing myself on the floor#they did things to make me break on purpose#and they did it to others to but#it was different w how they did it to me?#and when they didn't let me go to the main eating area bc i kept fainting/seizing they ordered me shit with pork when i have kosher diet#it was fucked and i know this is a problem#its a problem in outpatient too#i ended up homeless for like a year bc an antisemitic counselor fucked me over#vent
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