#but ive gotten so many comments about people related a lot to that and enjoying it for that reason

[ellovett]

list of people that made this year pretty neat :)

Hi all

Ok so 2020's almost ending (it just ended i started writing this post like....5 days ago??) and i just wanted to do this thing where i have a message towards everyone who supported me/who i think are just very cool and very epic, i only really got into the twst fandom just at the beginning of the year and im just gonna get straight to the point now messages are under the cut :)

@permanentlyexhaustedowl - AYAAAA ;;;;; bro you're literally one of my first long time friends here in the twst community and i just want to thank you for everything, our convos in either public servers or in pms, your love and support for my content,,or whenever i vent to you,,,,,just- your love and support man i appreciate it so much and i cannot thank you enough, you're just so sweet and caring and supportive and friendly just aghhhhhh ;;;;; even your reblogs make me smile uncontrollably and i explode, also all the brainrots i have about my interests ;;; thanks for listening to all of them,,even tho you really didnt have to ;;;;;; I love how we make our twst ocs interact and the little brainrots we have with them ;;; You've helped me so so so much and in so many ways, I am beyond glad that we're bestfriends, you're one of the nicest most caring people ive ever met and i love you so so so much, beyond belief ;; 💕 pls never stop being you?????? You quacking amazing person??????? 😎🤙💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕

@shoujoqueensstuff - AYYYY SHOUJOOOO!!! 😎🤙🤙 hhhh you're also one of the first people ive ever had a long time friendship with here in the twst community, and seriously bitch i love you so much ;;; so so much..i cant go a day without talking to you about literally anything and just vibing, the support and love you've given me over these months is insane i cannot thank you enough for that, all of our rps, convos or just pure brainrot have been so much fun, and i fucking love it that we built our own little world outside of canon,,all the aus we built with our ocs???? I love them. I love them all to death, including your amazing ocs, and even tho we live on literally opposite sides of the world you're always there for me whenever i vent or when im feeling extremely down or insecure ;; ,,im just so so so happy and glad that i met you and that we're bestfriends, i care about you so so so so so much- hhhh i cant put it into words my brain is dying i just- i LOVE YOU BIITCH, I AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH.😎💖💕💖🤙🤙💕💕💖💕 TAKE MY LOVE BITCH 💕💕💕💕💕 thank you so much for sticking around ;; i love you and support you in everything you do so much I could never ever thank you enough for the friendship you've given me..

I can literally go forever on how much i love and appreciate the both of you, i can just scream into the void for all eternity,,but i cant put it into words anymore. You both made my year so great and so epic ;;; i love you guys so much

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Now the chaddams 😌

@thetwstwildcard - hi ma :D you're just so cool and so epic lizz ;;; i cant- all of our conversations and brainrots have been super fun and i enjoy your company very much;;; you are just so nice and friendly,, and your ocs (especially staff ocs) are god tier amazing, i will love the nrc mom squad to death. I am honored to be ur child and i love you and father claude (and my four (?) other dads you married) very much 💕💕💕

@alpyssketch - bringer of father claude,,,,i owe you my life alpy,,,,,,but no seriously you're also a very epic person and you're honestly so nice and sweet!!! You never fail to make me feel welcome in any conversation and you're just so damn friendly!!! We may not talk that often but I very much enjoy your company ;;; ily!!! 💖💖💖

@multi-ankin - another very cool and epic person!!!! you're very fun to talk to and you're also pretty funny in the vc fjfjfj, your ocs are all so amazing too! (djdjjd although my staff oc bias makes me go for kas) we should totally talk and make our ocs interact more in the future tho!!!!!! 💖💖

@just-patchy - pATCHYYY!!!! :D hi!!!! you're also a very cool person!! our interactions have been so much fun and i hope we can have more in the future ;;; the ideas you have for your ocs and how you put them into writing is so good!!! like really good!!! And your art has been greatly improving too!!! Never ever think that i dont see you as a friend because i do!! 😤😤💖💖 i care about you bro!! Never forget that!!

@bakujho - :D hi jho!! you're a lot of fun! And I THINK YOU ARE SO DAMN COOL AND BADASS it's unbelievable,,i look up to you jho i wish i could be almost as cool as you when i grow up ;;; the things you've done for this fandom are also very admirable! like the whole gravedigging (jellyfish) situation! But we're not gonna talk about it now- hhhhh you're just so epic jho ;;; seriously 💗💗

@Kurui - hhhhh you're probably not gonna see this ;;; and i cant find your tumblr (if any of the other chaddams could possibly show this to her thatd be so great ;;;) but nonetheless i still think you're just so fun and cursed ;;; and you give so many amazing ideas!!! Your ocs are all also so cool too! Your art is just so detailed you clearly put a lot of thought into them i just admire that sm ;; (also your edits are extremely cursed and epic i love them dearly-)

@twst-the-royals - JULIE :))) HELLO,,,you were actually the first ever person i spoke/interacted with in the fandom! And you were just so nice and friendly and patient with me ;;; im glad that i got to talk to you,,and we dont really talk that much now but pls pls PLEASE know that i care about you so much and that i support you in everything you do ;;; 💖💖💗💖 ill do my best to make you proud!!

@girl-in-the-tower - hey Az!!! ;;;; you're so epic and cool,,honestly i admire you so much, the lore/writing you have for your ocs/fanschools are just so well thought out and so well written ;;; i hope to become a better writer like you in the future, but for now ill just take notes and learn from you ;; you're super encouraging and supportive too!!! I know we dont talk much but i could never thank you enough for all those little yet meaningful moments ;;; 💖💖

@rikanoctrix and @mirrored-pomefiore - hi!!! i know we arent that close but just know that you two are huge inspirations for me when it comes to art, the both of you draw your styles so incredibly well and i admire that so so so much ;;; 💖

@ocean-water-tea - FATHER TEAAAAA QAQ okay so first of all,,,,how can you draw so well using ibispaint, i ask for tips, specifically on how to draw hair and tits 🤲 but seriously though you are so fun to talk to!!! So cursed!!! So ☊⊑⏃⍜⏁⟟☊!!! You encourage me to my true cryptid self (despite aya's protests 👀) and i thank you kindly,,,you are also very funny 😌 a funny little clown simp, and you're super friendly and cheerful too! I almost never feel nervous when reaching out to you ;;; I hope we can have more wacky adventures in the future 💖💖

@zonamemoryverse - HEYYY ZONAAA!!! you're a fairly new person and you've already come so far ;;; you're a very chaotic person to talk to and i enjoy all of our conversations!!! Also our interactions with our ocs were super fun too, and i love hearing any shred of content i can get from ur epic ocs,,,dont stop being epic!!! 💖💖

@namelessfish - Hi fish!!! :DD you've been a very supportive friend to me over these past few months,,and im happy i have someone i can relate my not-so-great experiences with ;;; please know that i care about you dearly and that ily ;; 💖💖💖💖

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@wondersbeyondcompare - JFFJJF BRO DONT THINK I DONT SEE YOU WHENEVER YOU REBLOG MY CRINGY ASS POSTS 👁👁 I SEE THEM AND I CHERISH THEM ALL I REREAD THEM ON SAD DAYS. All the little tags and comments you put on them always make me smile so hard ;;; im just very happy to know that you like whatever the hell im doing and it pushes me to do more!! You're incredibly sweet, dont worry!!! Ill be sure to make you proud!!!! 😭💖💖💖

@circuscarnage - Anna!!!! We dont talk that often but whenever we do it's always so much fun ;;; you're so sweet and i appreciate you so much ;; all the stuff you drew for my ocs are all so incredibly cute and i really have to give back- jUST YOU WAIT ANNA. IM GONNA MAKE FANART OF YOUR LOVELY OCS AND YOU CANT STOP ME- 💖💖💖💖

@twistedapple - hi crow!! :DD again we dont really talk that much but i support you greatly in everything you do!!! You're another epic and cool writer ;;; your writings for your ocs are just sooooo well written and are just so good!! You're also super good at art too!! And i hope to see more from you in the future!!! ;;; 💖💖💖💖

@not-twst-enough - Ellie!!!! ;;; bro you've been supporting me from the very start, from lillet's old ass bio to now, and i very much appreciate it!!!! You're also super friendly in the twst server too ;;; and all the content you have for your ocs is just so exciting! Good luck with the fandorm and all future stuff ;;; ily!!!! 💖💖💖

@fumikomiyasaki - FUMI. DONT THINK I DIDNT FORGET YOU DKDKDK,,,Another cool and amazing person!!! All our brainrots and conversations have been really fun ;;;; thank u for that,, You are very fun person to interact ocs with tho!!! Especially with ships!! MadScientist² will forever hold a place in my heart.,,,💖💖💖

@oiseaunoir11 - hey Al!! :) you were one of the many people i admired and looked up to when i first joined the fandom, your art is something im deeply inspired by and your shitposts at like...4 am in the morning always give me the big funny,,one thing i really admire about ur art tho is how you'd draw backgrounds :0 you've gotten so good at them!! And your poses look super natural and effortless, i hope to be almost of a better artist like you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️ also i cant wait to see ur animatics 👀 they look dope- hope we can talk or maybe even interact ocs more! 💖💖

@leonasbitties - luuuu :))) hiiii,,,we dont usually talk on servers that often but that doesnt mean that i dont consider you as a friend! You have a lot of super cool ideas for ocs and your art is just getting better and better and better with each piece!!!! i look forward to seeing more from you ;;; 💖💖💖

@peteza-mozzarella - PETEEE :DDD another very cool and friendly person, you're literally the sweetest person ive ever talked to and i love our little chats!!! Hhhh you're just super nice and your ocs are super cute,,please never stop being you you epic bean ;;;; 💖💖💖💖

@the27th - Hi Andhra!!!!! You've been quite the long time mutual,,and your reblogs always make my day ;;; you're just so sweet and kind and i always feel at ease when talking to you, the hunger games sessions you host are always super fun even though im often asleep to even participate 😂 thank you sm for the love and support ;;; ill be sure to give them all back to you 💖💖 starting now 💗💗💗💗💗

@mamushroomoracorn - MAMUSH :DD we've only really started talking recently but you're just so nice and friendly ;;;; all of our talks have been so wholesome and great and im so happy about that, and your art is really really really good!! Ur art style is just so unique and so cool!!! ;;;; and dw mamush,, ill show the froggies like i promised soon 😔💖💖💖

@rookvonhunt - HEYYYY 👉😎👉 hi hello i would die for your ocs. If theyd ask me to perish then i will 200%,,ur so epic and cool and all of your ocs are just god-tier, i cant wait for what else you have to offer!!!! 💖💖

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@lawlessofdusk - lawless ;;;; aaaaa honestly you're just so kind and sweet, i couldnt thank you enough for all the love and support you've given me!!! And i desperately need more content of ur ocs bc they're all so cool and interesting 😤😤😤💖💖💖 i hope to talk to you more soon!!!!

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Fkfjfjfj i think that's all!! Id like to thank you all for sticking around with me with my first year in the fandom ;;; you guys make all the bullshit and drama here worth it 💖💖💖

If i forgot to include you in here then PLEASE DM ME I AM SO SORRY-!!!! I dont want to leave anyone behind!!! So please feel free to confront me about it ;;; happy new year everyone!!!!

#admin post #oooo also feel free to tag any of ur mutuals in ur reblog too!!! make them feel loved yeah?

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

#angel answers #long post #discourse #🦷 anon #ask to tag #negative #cc critical #if u like schlattit is #sidjfd

[carcinized]

Hey hey hey I don’t have Tumblr BUT I saw your post about C!Tubbo dissociation headcanons and here I am, asking for them. And possibly more C!Tubbo headcanons. Preferably angsty. Just. Any of them. Please. Thank you.

oh, a fellow starved c!tubbo enthusiast. hello there, i do have some headcannons to spare luckily, hope you enjoy!! mostly this is the dissociation ones but i have some miscellaneous ones & songs at the end for you :]

so obviously uhhh tw for dissociation/depersonalisation/derealisation in this post!!! also going to put them under the cut bc this is long lmao

oh and disclaimer: this is very much based off my own experiences with (near constant) chronic dissociation so it might be different from other experiences!! yeah.

oh ALSO this is disorganized and probably missing stuff because i am going through a bad bout of spaciness as of right now, so apologies if anything is confusing, feel free to ask for clarification!

idk background timeline stuff so it fits into the story

at first he didn’t even realize he felt disconnected from things. it started off as a coping mechanism during combat and felt so similar to the feeling of being “in the zone” he’d known before that he didn’t question it

after a bit, it spread from only being there during battle to during conflict in general. still, he didn’t mind it—it actually made arguments more bearable because they felt almost secondhand.

eventually he came to use it as a crutch so much that it became constant.

that was when he started wanting it to go away.

and then because i can’t bear to give my precious c!tubbo constant dissociation he probably gets breaks from it sometimes idk lmao

his experiences:

gaps in memory

auditory processing issues

lots of depersonalisation and not recognizing himself in the mirror (which is even more fun/terrifying if you add in shapeshifter headcannons)

a lot of the time he feels like his actions aren’t his, which helped him to feel less bad doing morally ambiguous things (spying, exiling tommy, hunting technoblade, etc)

after it all he was left with near constant dissociation almost all the time.

it nearly always feels like the world is secondhand to him and he has no control/impact (ironic considering the power he has, and he knows that, but)

often wonders if he is dreaming and just waiting to wake up from a coma he’d gotten from one of his many battles.

when things get really bad he wishes he could just wake up from it.

often doesn’t recognize his hands looking down at them, especially with the burns he has now. they’re not his hands, right? but they are. they’re his hands. huh.

uhhh examples of where it could have been shown in plot if you squint lol

for example, that famous clip of him dancing while wilbur and tommy argue in the background would be a physical representation of him zoning out (dissociating) to get out of/away from an argument.

the whole yes man thing could have either been an auditory processing issue where he replied yes to wilbur without hearing what wilbur had asked OR a gap in memory where he didn’t remember telling tommy the opposite

he pulled away for like 5 months into snowchester and talked to hardly anyone but his husband and son. dissociation is hard to interact with people during because you feel so isolated for so many reasons—sometimes you feel you’re the only real thing there, sometimes it feels there’s a glass wall between you and everything else that IS real. and even ignoring that, most people can’t relate to feeling that way, leaving you even more alone. he could have pulled away because it was too much too keep going through that (i did that don’t recommend it tubbo JSJD)

miscellaneous headcannons that i don’t see very often:

after winning a battle, his instinct is to play a disc and look out at the sunset because that’s what he and tommy always did (see his lore yesterday (june 18th)—he did it with ranboo despite tommy not being there)

i’m rather fond of my original-l’manberg-citizens-consider-haircuts-and-fixing-up-appearances-affectionate-because-wilbur-did-it headcannon so i’ll add that here—basically wilbur gave everyone military cuts and new suits and everything. and while that was just for war, it was also because he cared about all of them. ever since, they all considered fixing up someone’s appearance an act of love.

tubbo refused to let anyone cut his hair after the red festival, not trusting anyone. he would probably let ranboo do it now, only he’s rather attached to the way it hides his burns and some of his horns and keeps him warm in the freezing snow.

he builds walls like how tommy builds cobblestone towers—a reflex, a coping mechanism, a habit. he built the l’manberg walls and ever since the defense has been second nature, whether for the best or the worst.

ive been waiting forever to share these i have way too many. i pass the hours staring out the window listening to misterwives and imagining c!tubbo animatics to it and now i have a chance to share them oh my god

so without further ado,

c!tubbo animatics i have in my head:

whywhywhy by misterwives: ok this one isn’t chalked out but it has him vibes

alone by misterwives: just him and ranboo. figuring things out. helping each other heal. i legitimately have an entire animatic in my head to this lyric by lyric and could make a fucking storyboard for it if only i could draw. if anyone wants me to write out lyric by lyric what it WOULD be though feel free to send an ask aHAHHAHAHA

over the rainbow by misterwives: a montage of c!tubbo just. finally going apeshit. that would be so cathartic alright and it’s such a badass song he deserves it

it’s my turn by misterwives: pretty much any times that tubbo finally got to do something back at someone who wronged him—the butcher army going after technoblade, him yelling at quackity about borders saying “well don’t i get to put my foot down too?” the lyrics “i know you’ve got your version of the story, i’m sick of saying sorry, i’m sick of always having to explain” during his spy arc PLEASE he had to justify everything he did and the “are you happier?” comment and schlatt breathing down his neck aAAAA give my boy a break (also the instrumental uses a lemon demon-type sound which makes me think of ranboo so i love imagining a cool bee dup building the outpost montage there snhshagahffn)

find my way home by misterwives: idk the vibes just fit man

oxygen by misterwives: hhhrnggg clingy duo angst oW

i did say i spend a lot of my time listening to misterwives and daydreaming c!tubbo animatics didn’t i?

anyways yeah. here’s some c!tubbo content to help us poor starved c!tubbo enthusiasts :’D also misterwives propaganda go listen to them female led band with a fucking badass lead singer with banger songs and incredible vocals and lyrics ANYWAY

#dsmp #tubbo #dream smp #mcyt #dissasociation tw #feel free to add your headcanons btw or ask for clarification on these!!! i would love to talk abt c!tubbo with you SHJDJDJDJD #dissociation tw #depersonalisation tw #derealization tw #allyster rambles #ask #anon

[ohblackdiamond]

liner notes/unused joke summaries for kiss fics (part iv)

Despite what my general dislike of the shift key and my tendency to mock all that I love might imply, I actually overthink everything I write to a great extent. I make no claims to these explanations being in any way enjoyable, but if you wanted to know what I was thinking while writing KISS fic… now you do. Part one can be found here. Part two is here. Part three is here. 

little t&a --If Paul had boobs, they would be big and Gene would want to grab them.

>>Title from a Rolling Stones song of the same name; most of the chapter titles are from another Stones song, “The Spider and the Fly.” I started it during quarantine as a means to occupy myself and destress, and didn’t initially plan on posting it at all. Once I’d written five chapters without having posted it or mentioned it to anyone, I figured, well, I guess this might as well go somewhere, so I put it up. I had the hope that it’d give me something to strive for during the stress of lockdown, and I’d assumed that I wouldn’t ever have that much time to devote to a story again.

There were a couple of things that really inspired me. I’ve always enjoyed sexswaps as a bit of a guilty pleasure, but wanted to do a different take on them-- there’s this tendency for sexswaps to either be wacky hijinks or an excuse to write particularly brutal noncon. There’s also a tendency for the sexswapped character to almost automatically start adopting stereotypically feminine traits he didn’t have prior, with no real reason for it. I wanted to try and avoid all that as much as possible.

... There’s also another tendency for the sexswapped character never getting back to normal, and I wanted to avoid that, too. I mean, c’mon, KISS is supposed to start the Love Gun tour a month after the fic. Paul can’t exactly pull the trigger of a love taco. (Maybe gently brush it a bit...)

I had Paul already cursed for five days at the start of the fic because I thought it would make things easier and allow the plot to advance more quickly. I also felt like it would give him more autonomy-- prior to Gene showing up, he has tried (albeit in small ways) to get a handle on what’s happened to him, and while he’s hermited it up, he hasn’t given up. Autonomy in general was pretty important for me re: Paul. (Incidentally, probably one of my favorite things about this fic is that Paul’s made that poor twelve-year-old kid on his bike buy him sanitary napkins.)

I wanted to explore a couple of other things, too, mostly rock and roll’s (and KISS’ in particular) pretty heinous treatment of women. Gene and Paul argue in the eighties that groupies know the score from the beginning, and even postulates that those relationships are more “honest” than just taking a girl out to dinner. They’re not alone in this (and, of course, as married men, these days they try not to discuss those times at all); almost every band/artist from around that time period will give you the same answer. “The girls know what they’re doing.” I think many of them did know. I also think many of them came into those hotel rooms expecting a lot more than they ever received, and I think plenty of girls ended up at the very least disappointed by their encounters, if not humiliated or worse.

I don’t know if this was successful, but I also wanted to at least try to poke a few holes in celebrity/idol worship as well. Carol’s scathing comments to Paul-- “they [fans] think there’s something you’ve got that they can get at, but there’s not” pretty heavily exemplify behavior I’ve seen at conventions, fan meet-ups, etc. At the end of the day, well, there’s no point in putting them on much of a pedestal. I dunno. I’ve seen some weird crap in the name of fan worship, in and outside of RPS. Keith Richards talks about it in his book-- girls urinating on themselves out of sheer nerves/excitement just at seeing the band, etc., which, while disturbing, had to have given them a sense of being something beyond ordinary (and act accordingly, of course).

I don’t know. I like them a lot, but I can’t hero-worship these guys; they don’t live in the real world. They’re not, ultimately, relatable or accessible despite the billions of photos, the twitter posts, the meet and greets-- any more than they were 40-odd years ago. I think there can be a real danger in thinking they are. I wanted to show that, too, but again, I don’t know if it came across properly.

One of the aspects I really struggled with was getting a good handle on Paul’s innately slippery sense of identity without it overtaking the story entirely. Gene’s very stable identity was a good foil, and it helped that most of “t&a” is from his point of view, rather than Paul’s.

Another place I faltered with was Paul’s outing alone at CBGB. The first draft had the guy in the club slip quaaludes into his drink, but I really didn’t like that at all and felt it took too much control away from Paul/punished him for going out on his own. I thought it’d be more interesting if Paul deliberately took what he knew was a dangerous combination (alcohol + quaaludes) in the hopes that would make him feel better about sleeping with someone he didn’t care about.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, having him do that (and the way the scene with the guy at the club ends) also meant that I couldn’t have him hop right into bed with Gene that night, either, so that accounts for some of the delaying. I was also really wanting to make sure in general that when Gene and Paul finally did go all the way, there wasn’t any feeling of being coerced or pressured. Not that Gene would do either of those things, but I didn’t want him or Paul to be doing it out of any feeling of obligation or hurry; I wanted it to be as natural as possible, under the circumstances. And I wanted, again, Paul’s dubious sense of self and Gene’s ambiguous feelings about Paul(’s boobs) to come into play-- yes, Paul, now you, too, can take Gene on the amazing technicolor dreamdate you’ve been fantasizing about for the last seven years! Or, you know, not. Overall, there are some pacing issues and the story slows down considerably after Gene takes Paul home from CBGB, but I like to hope that most of the scenes add something.

There were a couple of secondary plotlines that got scrapped because I couldn’t get them to fit well enough with the narrative. One of them was Paul’s very troubled relationship with his sister, Julia. There’s a fair amount of references to her scattered throughout, and Paul brings her up on several occasions, generally without much provocation, and generally at mildly odd moments (at Central Park and immediately after getting drawn by Gene being the standouts). There was an initial draft of the chapter in which Ace calls Paul, where Julia’s the one calling Paul instead (after having gotten his number from their parents). I wanted to at least get the start of a reconciliation going between them. Ultimately I scrapped it because I couldn’t get it to flow with the main plot and never felt like I’d ever explored it thoroughly enough for it to be worth a detour.

The comparison between Paul and Carol is pretty blatantly obvious, even in the narrative. Paul and Gene both recognize it (Gene, initially, when he notes that Carol doesn’t seem to belong at 54 any more than Paul does), and it makes them highly uncomfortable. (Mary-Anne, Carol’s friend, also notices it-- “she [Paul] reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.”) They’re both very shy, insecure people that have thrust themselves into a world they’re not naturally suited for (show business) in order to achieve their own ends. They’ve both put great stock in a single person who helped them (inadvertently or not) during a dark time, and are driven by those feelings, despite knowing that person is out of reach.

Physically, they’re intentionally mostly opposite (Carol’s short, with a slight build, lighter hair, blue eyes, vs. Paul being, well, Paul-- tall, fuller build, black hair, brown eyes). But narratively speaking, neither of them are described as beautiful; “cute” and “kind of pretty,” sure, but nothing past that (except when Gene says it towards the end). That was important, too, for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to further the comparison between them; two, I wanted to at least try and dispel the idea that all groupies were glamorous; many of them were rather ordinary-looking.

Paul not being “playboy material as a girl” was very deliberate. I feel like a lot of sexswaps tend to make the guy in question end up a ridiculously hot babe, which didn’t quite jive with what I was going for (not that I wanted Paul to end up awful-looking, but...). ... He’s probably hotter than he thinks he is though; at least, Gene didn’t mind at all, and Pete thought he was pretty. I wanted him to be recognizable if one knew where to look (face, body language). I didn’t want him to end up a tiny, frail-looking waif-- given what he looks like as a dude, that didn’t make sense to me. So this meant the less perfect attributes had to stay and carry over to a female body. He ended up with big boobs because... well, honestly because if he wasn’t going to end up with a great figure overall, he might as well have great boobs. And I mean, really, his chest’s already pretty all right as-is.

I didn’t want there to be a love triangle, but I did want it obvious, at least in an offhand way, that Peter and Paul had had sex (Ace mentions it in the car with Peter, with his “how long did it take you”). I wanted to incorporate Ace and Peter to as great an extent as possible in general.

Marbas is an actual demon from The Lesser Key of Solomon, although other than the few sentences Paul reads off from that grimoire, there’s not much more information on him to be found. 

#kiss fanfiction #liner notes #gene simmons x paul stanley

[stungtwice]

P R I D E     E D I T I O N !

questions  revised  for  rp  purposes  by  applesdrowned,  feel  free  to  use  the  questions  for  your  own  hcs!

i.  what  is  your  muse’s  sexuality?

     sam  is  a  demi - sexual,  panromantic.

ii.  what  gender  does  your  muse  identify  as?

     cisfemale.

iii.  how  long  have  they  been  aware  of  their  sexuality  and / or  gender?

     sam  didn’t  ever  really  have  that  ‘  aha,  i’m  demi - sexual ’  moment,  she  knew  that  unlike  a  lot  of  her  friends  that  she  wasn’t  as  interested  in  hooking  up  as  some  of  the  other  girls,  preferred  to  sit  and  just  connect  with  the  person  she’s  more  romantically  interested  in.      it  wasn’t  until  talking  with  beth,  when  they  were  about  eighteen,  that  she  realised  that  she  was  demi - sexual,  wanting  a  deep  connection  with  someone  romantically  before  allowing  herself  to  get  into  a  more  sexual  relationship.

iv.  do  they  have  any  preferences?

     sam  has  known  for  a  while  though  that  she  doesn’t  really  have  a  preference  romantically  for  who  she  is  attracted  to,  it  all  comes  down  to  who  she  connects  with.

v.  share  a  positive  memory  of  your  muse  coming  out.

     when  sam  came  out  to  josh  was  probably  her  favourite  memory  of  coming  out,  not  that  she  ever  really  has  felt  like  she  has  to  come  out  to  most  of  her  friends.      she  usually  brushes  off  the  comments  about  her  not  wanting  to  have  sex,  or  how  she  hasn’t  kissed  anyone  because  she  just  doesn’t  want  to  just  kiss  anyone.      but  she  was  sat  up  late  with  josh,  sharing  a  joint  and  he  just  asked  her  about  it,  kindly,  not  mockingly  or  teasingly  like  emily  or  jess  do,  and  she  just  told  him  that  she  was  demi - sexual  and  she  wanted  a  connection  with  someone,  that  she  just  didn’t  feel  that  sexual  attraction  to  people  till  she  had  that.      he  was  very  understanding,  joked  with  her  a  little  bit,  but  he  is  always  supportive  of  anything  she  does.

vi.  how  do  they  feel  about  pride  month?

     whilst  she’s  not  a  huge  party  person,  she  really  does  enjoy  pride  month  and  going  to  the  different  pride  events,  she  usually  is  more  supportive  of  beth  and  helping  her  out  in  the  different  things  beth  does  for  pride.      she  likes  seeing  all  the  other  lgbtqia+  people  talk  about  their  experiences,  being  able  to  do  some  charity  work  and  doing  her  part  to  show  her  pride  with  her  friends.

vii.  do  they  participate  in  pride  related  events / any  other  events?

     she’d  definitely  tries  to  take  part,  often  helping  beth  if  she  was  showing  off  some  art  or  being  a  dj  for  a  party,  and  when  sam  goes  to  college,  she  becomes  a  part  of  her  college’s  lgbtqia+  society  and  has  been  a  part  of  their  pride  float,  she  also  helped  the  dog  shelter  she  works  at  become  more  active  in  helping  the  lgbtqia+  community.

viii.  how  does  your  muse  feel  about  lgbtq+  roles  in  media?

     seeing  any  part  of  the  lgbtqia+  community  shown  in  the  media  is  really  important  to  sam,  she  would  like  to  see  some  more  diverse  roles  shown,  with  actual  lgbtqia+  people  playing  those  roles  and  if  she  ever  got  to  see  someone  who  was  shown  accurately  as  demi - sexual / asexual  and  not  someone  who  is  broken,  not  someone  who  once  they  have  sex  that’s  all  they  seem  to  do,  she  wants  more  accurate  portrayals  with  actual  lgbtqia+  people  playing  them  who  understand  what  it  really  means.

ix.  do  they  feel  pride  in  who  they  are?

     she  definitely  feels  pride  within  herself  as  she  grows  up  and  separates  herself  from  the  people  who  constantly  tell  that  she’s  strange,  weird  or  broken  because  she’s  doesn’t  want  sex.      she  may  not  often  talk  about  her  sexuality,  but  when  it  comes  up  and  she  talks  about  it,  she  is  clearly  proud  and  wants  to  show  people  that  being  demi - sexual / asexual  is  a  valid  sexuality  and  people  who  do  identify  as  that  aren’t  broken  and  not  all  of  them  are  sex  repulsed  either.

x.  who  has  been  your  muse’s  supportive  idol  in  their  self  discovery?

     whilst  beth  may  not  be  asexual  or  demi - sexual,  beth  washington  is  definitely  someone  who  sam  will  always  talk  to  about  things  concerning  sexuality.      beth  came  out  a  young  age  and  has  been  really  involved  in  the  lgbtqia+  community,  setting  a  group  up  at  their  high  school,  being  active  on  social  meda  and  really  trying  to  help  her  friends.      all  of  that  is  really  inspiring  for  sam  and  she’s  glad  to  have  a  friend  like  beth  helping  her  through  this.

xi.  who  was  your  muse’s  first  crush?

     she’d  still  deny  it  and  doesn’t  often  talk  about  it,  however,  josh  washington  was  sam’s  first  crush,  plus  is  someone  that  she  often  feels  the  biggest  connection  to.      she  was  about  seven  or  eight  when  she  first  met  the  washington’s,  but  it  wasn’t  till  she  was  about  thirteen  that  she  realised  she  had  a  crush  on  josh,  wanting  to  spend  time  with  him,  thought  about  wanting  to  hold  his  hand  and  she  often  caught  herself  looking  at  him.      however  she  never  acted  on  it,  always  more  concerned  about  ruining  her  friendships  with  all  the  washington  siblings,  even  as  she  got  older  and  her  first  crush  definitely  become  more  intense  towards  josh,  it  sometimes  seemed  like  she  wasn’t  always  alone  in  it  either.

xii.  what  advice  does  your  muse  have  for  lgbtq+  teens?

     sam  always  will  say  ‘ come  out  when  you’re  ready  to,  doesn’t  matter  what  anyone  else  thinks, ’  and  to  other  demi - sexual / asexual  teens,  she  will  say  ‘ it  really  doesn’t  matter  what  anyone  else,  you  are  not  broken,  you  are  not  weird  and  your  identity  is  not  something  that  needs  to  be  fixed,  you  are  completely  valid  and  you  will  find  the  people  who  understand  that, ’

xiii.  has  your  muse  come  out  to  friends  and  family?

     sam  didn’t  really  ever  need  to  come  out  to  her  dad,  he  accepted  that  she  wasn’t  that  interested  in  sex  and  would  always  tell  her  that  she  would  know  when  she  was  ready  for  a  relationship  or  anything  else,  no  one  else  could  tell  her  that.      she  only  came  out  to  a  few  of  her  friends,  the  ones  who  would  understand  and  didn’t  constantly  mock  her  for  being  ‘ weird  for  not  having  kissed  anyone ’,  so  she  is  out  to  ashley,  beth,  chris,  hannah  and  josh,  plus  her  friends  from  her  lgbtqia+  society  at  college.

xiv.  how  does  your  muse  feel  about  the  phrase  ‘ coming  out ’?

     for  her,  she  never  really  felt  the  need  to  come  out,  maybe  because  she  never  really  had  the  strong  connection  with  someone  where  it  might  matter.      however,  she  does  also  believe  in  full  honesty,  coming  out  is  being  fully  honest,  with  yourself,  your  friends,  your  loved  ones  and  that’s  why  people  do  it.

xv.  do  they  believe  there  is  a  closet  to  come  out  of?

     she  doesn’t  feel  like  she  was  hiding  in  the  closet,  she  just  was  always  herself.      however,  after  hearing  other  people’s  coming  out  stories,  she  can  understand  why  some  people  say  that  there  is  a  closet  to  come  out  of.

xvi.  what’s  your  muse’s  biggest  pet  peeve  when  it  comes  to  lgbtq+  characterisation  in  media?

     stereotypes,  the  killing  off  of  lgbtqia  characters  and  lack  of  representation  for  many  identities  in  the  lgbtqia+  spectrum.      some  of  the  stereotypes  lead  to  misleading  beliefs  about  lgbtqia+  people  and  can  tend  to  be  really  harmful,  often  can  be  what  people  believe  an  lgbtqia+  person  to  look  like   and  act  like.      often  in  media,  when  there  is  lgbtqia+  characters,  it  seems  whenever  they  get  their  happy  moment,  looks  like  they’re  gonna  get  their  happy  ending,  one  of  the  relationship  often  gets  killed  off,  it’s  like  the  media  is  saying  that  all  lgbtqia+  muses  are  doomed  to  be  tragic.      the  lack  of  representation  is  something  that  really  bothers  sam,  she  can’t  seem  to  find  an  asexual / demi - sexual  characters  on  screen,  as  well  as  other  identities.

xvii.  what’s  their  favourite  part  when  it  comes  to  lgbtq+  characterisation  in  media?

     the  fact  that  people  can  see  lgbtqia+  relationships,  normalising  it  and  showing  that  lgbtqia+  people  are  there  in  society,  they’re  not  different  or  wrong,  they  just  want  the  same  as  everyone  else  does,  to  be  loved.

xviii.  do  they  practice  safe  sex  with  the  same  gender?

     if  sam  got  to  a  point  with  someone  where  she’d  want  to  have  sex,  practice  safe  sex  would  be  something  she’d  insist  on  at  first.      however,  if  she  was  with  another  woman,  she’d  be  making  sure  that  they  used  condoms  on  toys,  if  they  used  them,  just  being  as  careful  as  they  can  until  a  long  term  commitment  is  made  clear.

xix.  what  are  their  turn  offs  with  the  same  gender?  what  are  their  turn  ons?

     turn  ons  :  confidence,  someone  who  knows  who  they  are  and  what  they  want,  but  also  someone  who  isn’t  arrogant  about  themselves  or  what  they’re  good  at,  someone  who  is  also  kind  and  loving  but  not  scared  to  stand  up  for  themselves  or  who  they  love.

     turn  offs  :  someone  who  likes  to  tear  people  down  to  make  themselves  feel  better,  who  are  just  plain  bitchy  and  nasty,  constantly  pick  on  people  about  little  things.

xx.  how  does  your  muse  feel  about  lgbtq+  clubs / apps / websites?

     sam  thinks  they’re  a  really  good  way  of  connecting  with  other  people  within  the  community,  they’re  safe  places  for  people  to  meet  without  fear.      however  she  is  aware  of  the  dangers  online,  people  not  being  who  they  say  are  and  predatory  behaviour,  so  usually  relies  on  her  lgbtqia+  society  at  college.

xxi.  how  do  they  feel  about  the  term  ‘ queer ’?

     sam  has  no  personal  issue  with  that  word,  but  is  definitely  aware  of  others  that  might  so  tends  not  to  use  it  herself.

xxii.  what  tips  would  they  give  to  heterosexual / cisgendered  people  looking  to  better  understand  the  community  and  news  surrounding  it?

     that  they  need  to  be  open  minded  and  educate  themselves,  to  not  get  offended  when  they  are  corrected  about  terms  and  let  go  of  any  bias  or  stereotypes  they  think  are  true.      be  open  to  the  fact  that  not  everything  will  be  the  same  as  what  they  are  used  but  that  is  still  okay.

xxiii.  what’s  the  most  annoying  question  your  muse  has  ever  gotten  for  being  lgbtq+?

     who  hurt  you  to  make  you  demi - sexual?      the  answer  is  no  one  did,  sam  just  doesn’t  feel  the  sexual  attraction  towards  people,  she’s  not  broken,  hasn’t  been  through  some  kind  of  sexual  trauma,  she  didn’t  get  hurt  or  scorned  by  a  lover.      she  just  doesn’t  feel  sexual  attraction  and  there  is  nothing  wrong  with  that.

xxiv.  how  do  they  feel  about  receiving  questions  about  their  sexuality  and / or  gender?

     sam  doesn’t  mind,  but  she  will  only  take  so  much  if  she  feels  that  someone  isn’t  trying  to  be  understanding  or  open  minded  about  her  sexuality.      she  shouldn’t  have  to  explain  herself  over  and  over,  but  she  will  also  try  to  be  understanding  and  patient.      unless  the  other  person  gets  rude  or  mean,  she  will  stay  calm  and  be  willing  to  answer  questions.

#samantha giddings. #headcanons. #my headcanons. #not rebloggable.

[rqs902]

on one hand im happy that this means there’s gonna be a lot of official content since the eps are supposedly so long that they gotta cut them in half. 

youku has been pretty consistent with giving us a relatively good amount of official content. but on the other hand im always slightly concerned that by splitting up perfs, those whose perfs get aired first will have a competitive voting advantage since (as long as they do well) those kids will have a full extra day of persuading people to vote for them through their stage performance. It’s not as huge of a deal as when other shows split performances across weeks, because a whole week ahead is a much bigger advantage than one day ahead. but every day can help those who need the votes. at least akey and zhan yu got aired today.... feels bad for jin fan because he really needs the votes. 

also another down side is just this show’s eps are SO LONG they’re eating up a ton of my free time LOOOL but thats how these shows always go for me... because I always end up taking like double the amount of time to watch an ep, just to pause, digest, rewatch sections that i like (sometimes multiple times), make sure i understand, etc. i feel like these shows always consume my life during the few months they’re airing so i’ll just enjoy it while I can HAH

..

anyway ep 4 starting with singapore buddies huang junrong and sun yinghao speaking english with their singapore accents!!!!! lol can totally relate to yinghao tho, like when you cant read chinese you gotta find someone to translate for you

yang chaowen with dog!!!!! i wonder if the dog really likes him LOL they seem to appear together on camera often. akey with chen junhao!! and zuo linjie!! making friends!!!

lol i feel like the group leader choice method is some sort of extended advertisement for knock off apple products lol.........

HAHAHHAHAHAH LIN MO’S VIDEO STARTING OFF ALL FORMAL AND NERVOUS AND THEN XUE EN’S CUTS HIM WITH HIM BEING STUPID. I LOVE IT. there’s two types of people. how did they not vote for xue en HAHAHAH

interesting that they picked the songs for the self-composition group ahead of time, rather than make them make the song as part of the competition (looks at produce camp... fireman is my jam but the east binhe road team ran into complications with that, so I can see why it’d be more risky to let them do that again) but lucky for zheng renyu and li chenxu tho! I’m interested in hearing their music so i dont mind, just kinda wondering what the other kids who picked composition would’ve brought to the table

oh theyre still giving yan an screen time... every time i see him im happy but then feel oof

oo zhanyu’s first stage look is just so nice oof xikan talking to lin mo but lin mo looks ded and is all eye patched up :( 

LOL su er all jubilant over a sexy concept song - good luck with that

oooof this shot of jin fan’s perfect side angle 

aw akey being bested by shaopeng at every match... but im so excited to see what they can do together, theyre both so good at making music!!!! the resident music makers for each of their respective groups, tyger and coreone, theyre both so talented! def shaopeng has and deserves the credit but hopefully people will see akey contributed too bc im sure the two of them really led together, being the most experienced rappers hahaha

WHOA csp opening up to qu boyu and saying he has older step brother and sister who have a different mom from him and encouraging him to just be real when writing because there will be people out there who connect with his lyrics awww hes really taking this child under is wing and teaching him from zero, hes really like a big bro taking care of him and enjoying watching him grow. im glad csp is opening up and is self reflective enough to realize that he hasnt done so enough in the past and that he should involve himself more with the others. 

im happy cui shaopeng got to feature in the bts clip for his group, he deserves it and hasnt gotten much screentime relative to his talent before. im happy akey got a little time and some recognition for his skills too. honestly just happy akey FINALLY got to do a rap stage..... wish we couldve gotten more huang enyu and huang junrong but im happy they got to show off their vocals!! for being young vocals in a rap performance, their stage presence were both really good too! csp’s entrance is epic wow. 

wow this is the most hyper performance ive ever seeeen wow im so happy for akey because we know how long hes been waiting for a rap stage and wow csp’s leadership must be top notch to get this group to somehow be cohesive with such a not cohesive song LOL i respect that csp really respected akey’s skill and let him shine too. akey was a second c if ive ever seen one lol. they both got to shine and so did everyone else in their group, which is telling of his leadership and why this stage turned out so well that even all the teachers like jackson were so hype LOL 

OOF shen bohuai and lin mo talking about how akey’s lyrics are so moving like lin mo wanted to cry and bohuai felt like he could tell akey’s been through a lot

lol xikan and bohuai being all tough and lin mo being like lol i feel the pressure. shaopeng smiling like a proud parent when boyu gets good comments c: oof rip akey and shaopeng’s votes tho :c 

lin ran’s look tho LOL but zhan yu’s is so questionable?? why is he in this group ?? LOL but i guess its his turn to do something cutesy. mannnn why does zhan yu look like hes surrounded by children but hes not even that much older//?? hahahha ooooo is this the center zhan yu of legend?? ?hahahah yayyy hopefully more people will notice him! you know when i heard zhan yu was gonna be center, this was not the type of song i was imagining, but hey if it takes a cutesy happy song and a bunch of little kids around to get zhan yu a chance to be center, ill take it! i wish they’d show us some practice footage?? im confused why there isnt any?? i think sun boran’s stage presence is good! zhan yu’s voice so powerful yess somehow he managed to show off different aspects of his vocal skills in this very plain song LOL  im surprised lin ran didnt stand out a lot but when they pointed out that he purposefully put himself in the back to protect his team members i think that makes sense bc he knows being cute isn’t going to be able to win them as many votes but if the less popular kids in his group dont get votes, its a lot more devastating for them than for himself. lin ran didnt want this song and he didnt want to be cute but he really didnt want kids to suffer from choosing his group. lin ran has a cute image but i appreciate that this time we got to see a more serious side of him. isnt it ridiculous that theyve literally trashed zuo qibo and lin mo about being old but then literally i didnt realize until now sun yinghao is the oldest??? (he looks really young wow and so tiny aw) but also like they never bring up akey being old either?? some sort of weird bias going on... but i mean good for yinghao and akey lol 

but aw im glad theyre giving yinghao some attention... 10 years and starting off with jackson? oof... 

ayy zhan yu getting the most votes!! 

kou cong being older bro to zlj but also ultimate mentor to cxh aw yay for him getting some recognition from the judges and jin fan supporting him too heheh but it says a lot that he recognizes cxh’s efforts and wanted to put in his own effort to help him

i wonder if them giving zlj less audience votes is an elaborate scheme to get him more pity votes from the general public lol.... well im excited to see the rest of the stages tomorrow! 

#rants

[feralhogs]

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

NO

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

#chatty tag

[recklessheroism-archive-blog]

( reposted from my about page in a reblogabble form w/ formatting changes. if you find the formatted version visually difficult or irritating to read, the unformatted version is on the about page! this & the about page will be updated as i learn more things about my muse. )

for the most part, my portrayal will follow the canon of star trek: alternate original series. however, here are some things i’ve added to my version of jim.

trigger warnings: abuse, starvation, murder, death, ptsd, traumatic mutism, bipolar disorder, & eating disorder.

triggers are bolded at the beginning of each section so that you can skip over anything that may be triggering for you. if you’d like a summary of any part that you skipped over, feel free to ask me! i can change things around, to a certain extent, so that we can write together.

1. tw: abuse. jim & his stepfather, frank, were not on the best of terms. ever since frank had come into his life, jim had despised him. there was just something about the way he treated winona that jim didn’t like. he’d only given the guy a chance at his mother’s request, something which he sorely regretted after she married him. when winona went back to starfleet, sam ran away from home & jim was left with frank & his abusive tendencies. it started just bad moods & snide remarks, but the remarks got worse with time. words became stronger, louder. they were picked more carefully, picked to tear the young boy apart. & as if that wasn’t enough, frank shoved him, hit him, even made him bleed. the effects of this abuse still haunt jim, but he’s been healing with time & distance.

2. tw: starvation, murder, death. after jim had stolen & wrecked frank’s car, frank unilaterally enrolled jim in the earth colony on tarsus iv. winona had no knowledge of this decision, as she was off-world with starfleet. the distance was freeing, at first. he was glad to be out from under frank’s thumb at last. on tarsus iv, he was able to live the kind of childhood he’d wanted. for a time, he was happy. he did well in school, he played sports, he had friends — he thrived. but unfortunately, it didn’t last.

famine fell over the colony as an exotic fungus destroyed their food supply. suddenly, paradise had become hell. as colonists panicked & worried, riots began to break out. jim ran from the facility he’d been living at with the few children he knew that were now or previously orphaned, & they stuck together for as long as they could. naturally, he took charge of the small group, organizing them in a way that would benefit the group the most. he & the older children would scavenge for food while those younger would stay together & hide.

it worked for a short while, but like the rest of those who had survived the first wave of death, their group began to succumb as well. jim tried his best to care for them all. he made sure they had first pick of the food, & he only ate as much as he needed to survive another day. he did everything he could to make sure they survived. there are things he did there that he’ll never speak of.

but the worst of it all was how he killed to save them. the first time, he didn’t sleep for days. he felt so ill he could barely move, but he had to. he had to take care of the others. it got a little easier with time, but it was always a last resort. in the end, though, he lost most of them to starvation or illness or both. by the end, it was only him & kevin riley left.

they were eventually forced to rejoin a larger group out of necessity when kevin fell ill. jim refused to let the young boy die too. with help from the larger group, they were able to nurse him back to relative health. but that’s when it happened.

governor kodos, under the pretense of aid, divided the remaining colonists into two groups. unbeknownst to them, the division would cost 4,000 colonists their lives. kodos had separated the survivors based on strength & likelihood of survival. those who were stronger & more likely to survive were allowed to live. those who were weaker & less likely were executed. jim was one of nine eyewitnesses to the execution.

supply ships arrived too late to save the 4,000 sentenced to death, but when they arrived, jim & the remaining orphaned children were sent home to earth. to this day, jim still has ptsd & nightmares about life on tarsus iv & the execution of 4,000 innocent survivors.

3. tw: ptsd, traumatic mutism. following the traumatic events on tarsus iv, jim & kevin returned to earth & were placed into the care of jim’s mother, who had returned as soon as she had learned of the famine & that frank had sent jim there. at that point, she was in the process of divorcing frank, & she filed for a restraining order on her & jim’s behalf.

jim regularly saw a child psychologist to help him through his ptsd. directly following the events of the tarsus iv massacre, jim went without speaking for about a month. his psychologist assured his mother that he would speak when he was ready, & that it was his mind’s way of coping with what happened.

additionally, for years after his return from tarsus iv, jim would hide scraps of food around the house. this was both to convince his mother that he was finishing his meals & out of fear that another famine could occur at any moment.

with time & support, his symptoms have nearly disappeared, but he will occasionally have periods of ptsd related distress, specifically in the form of nightmares & anxiety, even in adulthood.

4a. tw: bipolar disorder. while at starfleet academy, jim began to act out of the ordinary. some days, he found it difficult to get out of bed. or when he did, he felt incredibly numb & unable to enjoy all the things he loved to do. some days, he couldn’t sleep at all & stayed out all night, & he could become incredibly irritible at the drop of a hat. there was no obvious reason as to why he behaved these ways, so jim hadn’t seen them as a problem at the time. but as these behaviors & others began to exhibit themselves, jim’s friends became increasingly worried about him. leonard mccoy was especially concerned.

being jim’s roommate & best friend, leonard had a hard time standing by & allowing jim to push himself into riskier & riskier situations. shortly after leonard had expressed this concerns, jim began to see that he was right. he had been denying any problems he’d been facing for far too long, & he needed to confront them instead. so, with a lot of coaxing from leonard, jim made an appointment to see one of starfleet academy’s mental health professionals.

the process of diagnosis didn’t happen overnight. in fact, it took many weeks before they reached any sort of conclusion. but when they did, it was then that jim learned he had bipolar disorder.  ( this form is likely bipolar II disorder. source: here. )  at the time, he was unsure of what this meant, but he was assured by the counseling team that with some help & support, he would be able to manage his moods better.

for the rest of his time at the academy, he continued attending weekly therapy sessions & tried out different medications until he & his therapist were satisfied he’d found the right one. while friends came & went, leonard was there every step of the way.

by the time he was given command of the enterprise, he was mentally in a much healthier state. but that doesn’t mean he never struggled. currently, he does what he can to manage his symptoms, but he’s human, & he can’t always handle them as well as he would like to. but with the help & support of his close friends, his therapist, & a strict self-imposed therapy plan, he generally manages well.  ( for more information on bipolar disorder, go here. many of the items in the chart of signs & symptoms apply to jim during the corresponding episodes. )

4b. tw: abuse, eating disorder, bipolar disorder. as a result of growing up with a physically, verbally, & emotionally abusive step-father, jim occasionally has trouble when it comes to taking care of himself. specifically, he has a mild form of anorexia & struggles with eating enough food. this tendency seems to stem from the traumatic events of tarsus iv & childhood self-esteem issues brought on by his step-father, who often made negative comments about his weight when he was young.

this disordered eating has gotten better with time & effort, but he is more likely to relapse during depressive & manic episodes of his bipolar disorder. during depressive episodes, his self-esteem is lowered & he begins to worry about his weight. this causes him to eat very little. during manic episodes, he can be moving so quickly & erratically that he forgets to eat. 

even when he is not experiencing symptoms of an episode, he can have trouble with food. as a result of his time spent in crisis on tarsus iv, he rarely eats a full meal. he feels that there must be other people who need food more than he does, so he can go without for them. it’s a habit, a destructive thought he’s been trying to break, but it’s been years & he still has trouble. with a lot of coaxing & assurance, he can finish a meal, but he never feels truly great about it. he has, however, broken his habit of hiding large quantities of food. 

5. on a lighter note, jim has a cat! her name is rosie & he adores her. he found her during one of the enterprise’s pit stops when she stowed away on the ship. he loves her so much that no one has had the heart to remind him that it’s not exactly allowed.

she is very affectionate & serves as an emotional support animal for jim as well as an unofficial therapy cat for most of the bridge crew, as those are the crewmembers closest to jim.

rosie is a special cat as well. she has the ability to walk on walls & ceilings, & she is often found hiding on one of those surfaces when she wants some alone time. additionally, her eyes & fur appear to sparkle a bit, like she was bathed in stars.

6. jim is very respectful of women.  ( fuck you, j.j. abrams. )  therefore, that scene where he hid under gaila’s bed and saw nyota undressing? jim may have seen nyota, but he immediately looked away. same goes for that scene with carol marcus changing. james. tiberius. kirk. respects. women.

7. follow these links for romance & sex headcanons. 

#《 ★ 》 about jim #《 ★ 》 headcanon

[saniika]

As promised before this is a drama-free blog. Please do not read further, this is a personal announcement which is very much in the drama category. There will be no filter and lots of swear words. 

TLDR: I am not well, will be not active as usual and don’t know when Ill be back. Bunch of stuff is gone, it’s not just you imagining things. I wrote all this since I gotten asks which I hid away from.

I am not ok. For about a year I've gotten under lot of pressure, both mental and physical. Shortly before that I closed  very traumatic period in my life and even went of antidepressant. And then bam, the above happened, yoi came in the mix. Wow! Fantastic a coping mechanism, works so well. I am happy. Friends message me genuinely excited to see me happy. I listen to music, read, draw and it shows its full of love. A sanii-wonderland.

But... nothing lasts forever, right?

I entered this exhausted and rushed like a hound dog. I wanted validation, to matter and make some good for the world (I cant sadly cure ass politics, world hunger or happiness for LGBT...yeah.) So Ive set to put my services into promoting writers with fanarts to their fanfics - because hey they made me happy, what other way to show thanks? Drawing fanarts just to join the happy in the community. Talk in streams. And Im telling you the insomnia rushes where the brain was like squirrel on caffeine - those are really damn productive periods. With horrible consequences.

Months went by, sometimes I didnt feel good, panic attacks started to be present, nightmare drove me to the point of waking up in fright (I got scared I fell asleep). Other health related issues arose...twirling down the ground as they say.

I met some really nice people which I will not mentioned here as I dont want to pull them into my drama post (even if id say thanks), participated on incredible project. The more I got involved into the fandom and socials it got faster and before I knew it - I felt like im stuck on a rollercoaster, about to puke and the fucking ride doesn't stop.

Thoughts like these arose - I’m too old, I’m not fast enough, cant keep up this speed, why does this person has so much success, has so many friends etc. Bad bad toxic feelings - which I am happy I did not act upon, no one deserved these and it was all in me. Friends helped here since I admitted these to them and was quite surprised to hear many felt similar - burnout from the fandom, apps in general, life in the whole mix.

I thouhgt itll pass, focused on the writing which made me really excited and productive. I drew my whole life, its the best I can do - the other thing I can do best is - hating myself. So believe it or not that actually helped with yakov flamers - no one can hate myself more than me. Im a medalist at that. Back back to the track.

Physically speaking I sought out doctors and they didnt help me as I expected they would. I have to write and type a lot in IRL job and my chronic pain in hand turned into vicious icepick stabing pain in collarbone + completely sore numb right upper torso. It took me a week to be able to type on a phone without vincing.

And few days ago - I actually cant tell what day it was because I spend the whole weekend in bed and ate once. Never had such episode, so that was really... not fun - I had a meltdown and deleted bunch of things. So if you cant find them - they are not there. You will see my art rebloged here and there, but the original posts are gone. With each delete I felt lighter and had a good cry too.

It all came down to this - I felt cheap, taken for granted and all the initial thoughts of happy turned into realisation (with the help of friends) that I do expect things in return. Im not the type to play an attention whore and avoid posting complaints as pest. Yet here I am. Because -

Bit by bit I neglected breaks for bathroom for drawing. Didnt rest the hand when I was supposed to. Wrote feedback or comments for others when I was tired. Offered support on drunk/depressive/suicidal posts and offered support in chat even though I should have invested into selfcare. And it all snowballed to this - loosing love towards certain pairings, drawing itself. Aaaaand posting 2 pics after such a break brought me to breathing labored and wow, suddenly I am here - BAM - very not ok.

I left a bunch of places, set up things so that I speak with bare minimum of people. I have no idea what Ill do from now on, but I know its easier to just watch others and consume - or maybe even easier to watch as little as possible (let me be frank, I really don’t care who sticks a dick to whom’s ass - petty discourse about pairings and topping really sour me and - EAT VICTORS DICK, CHOKE ON IT - became my private favorite curse. Don’t get me started on self entitled critics on whats right to draw, write and ship.... FUCKING WILL YA - just do your thing, have fun, SHUT UP - make stuff that makes you happy if you don’t see it around or PAY others to do it. OR like support them, be NICE. Doesn’t hurt...promise.)

I flipped the switch, lost it grand and that’s it. I wont be putting restrictions on myself here saying I wont draw ever or this fandom - that’s not how it works. But right now? Ill be happy if I manage to deliver work on a project I don’t want to fall out of. I tried the appeal of sharing work privately to friends or to no one at all. Engaging on discords and DMs - so freeing to talk about stories and stuff without tumblr police. I just cant do this anymore - posting out there steals my breath and it fucking hurts.

I hope you enjoyed all I did, it all came from heart - that’s all. I know Ill sweat all nervous posting this, but YAKOV COURAGE WOLF tells me so. Better than listening to voices telling me to go shit at Wendy's bar.

Thanks for everything.

#personal #should have listened to yakov courage wolf sooner #attention whoring at its finest

[goddamnitdazai]

tagged by @catsbythegreat - ty <3

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I was in love with Dazai and every time saw his face I was just like “god damnit you hot fuck” but this was shorter

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Uhhhhhhhhh on tumblr the BDSM Mafia!Dazai smut (surprise lmao) and from AO3 probably something SNK related since those have been on there the longest. Mixed maybe?

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I think its the same one from my personal blog and idk I just like the manga aesthetic 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

on tumblr yeah. well like..rebloggers. but i 1000% stalk the tags on all my reblogs. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Siren of the Misty Seas by @yokohamastraydogs, a few recently good Chuuya smut fics on AO3 (i can only quench my own thirst for so long lmao), there was this one general fic on AO3 that revolved around Dazai’s POV but I haven’t been on in so long I can’t think of the name. Other than that the only other series I followed was written by wifey ( @dirtylevi ) for SNK and she hasn’t updated in ten millions years (: 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

none. i rarely use A03 tbh other than non-insert fics which I don’t have much of atm. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Dazai staying in the mafia lmao. I can’t help it I just love him in those situations. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

fffffffffffffffffffffff idk on AO3 tbh but the OG blog had 2k and this one is at about 1500 rn. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Yes?? ish?? Smut related things are weird because I write smut for other people to enjoy but idk where everyone else’s kinks stop because I’m a kinkier mother fucker and not everyone is??

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

DIALOGUE. WTF IS THAT

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

pfdjkaslfjdklas;a i write no ships (which is why i rarely use A03) but platonic my favorites to write are chuuaku & odazai. I’d like to explore Kouyou and Chuuya’s relationship at some point. 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

sO MANY. I have an entire series of all my SNK one-shots just grouped together, and then my now four BSD series. & two unfinished snk long-fics................................oops

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Only the BSD series. All of my old SNK fics (which was a fucking lot) are on my graveyard of a DA profile.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Head. I write them out on the notebook Kazoo gave me when I have the time or else they clog my brain and I get annoyed.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Nah

16. How did you discover AO3?

fuck if i know

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Hell nah lmao

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

idk i call my followers kinky little fucks when im reading the tags??? 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Yes, a lot of them do still. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Practice is the only way you’ll get better. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Uhhhhhhh I have this problem of having one specific scene of a story and its usually a middle part and then i’m obsessed with it but the beginning? the end?? the fuck are those?

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Uh on one of my old smut fics for SNK someone said something about a lot of whores being on A03 like ??? what does that even mean?? the few times throughout the years ive only been slut-shamed on my smut lmao. and once about Aku shoving it in dry that started this whole salty debate about BDSM and the ignorance on tumblr was astounding. 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

SMUT IS HARD. There are only so many words for “dick”. I’m a visual writer too so sensory details are my wheelhouse, anything else im like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, especially with motions in smut like 98% of my life is trying to imagine position switching in my head and then forming words to explain it.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

in my head? a lot. in real life? None because I have no god damn time.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

ask my graveyard of unfinished series.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Writing at all is the only goal I have and even that’s not realistic.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Hell yea boiiii 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Unsettled [Levi] solely because the difference in my writing was like..ridiculous compared to my old style. I loved how it turned out. Like Smoke [Mafia!Dazai] has that same dark and kind of hazy feel to it and I love that series. That one where I fucked up Armin in a Zombie AU That one chuuaku fic that I don’t remember the name of.  That one where I fucked up Dazai and all the tags were turmoil and I loved it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

I hate the organization of TDOC. It’s on my list of re-writes tbh. Same with the BDSM centered mafia!dazai smut..thing..like it kind of ended up being this weird series-but-not and now I want to just...make it a collective thing because I have control issues and its bothering me.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully fucking writing and not running a fucking Aeropostale and wanting to stab my eyes out lmao

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

imagining it in my head

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

VERBS

33. Why do you write? Escape. Expression. Thirst tagging these thots: @bungou-stray-dogs-indulgences @yokohamastraydogs @scarletwrittenblack @nenufair 

#ems txt #ty for the tag<3 #tagged #mutuals

[callmemrscurtis]

Headcannons for the boys when Netflix started trending

I’m gonna rant real quick idk wtf happened but apparently this didn’t post last night so Here It Is Now

Darry:
-I think we all know it took some persuasion from Pony to invest in an account but after a while he gave in and got the up to four screens at a time pack

-Was highkey pissed when all the boys started freeloading off of it

-He’s all comfy in bed at like 9:30 getting ready to watch OISNB and he gets the message on his tv telling him that too many people are watching at once -He checks who’s using HIS account

-He picks up his old ass phone (idk but it’s pink and has the coiled wire the bell phones)

-“GOD DAMN IT, STEVE! I JUST WANTED TO WATCH ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IN PEACE AND I GET MY SNACK READY JUST FOR ME TO SEE YOU’RE PLAYING THREE DIFFERENT THINGS AT ONCE?”

- He’s all causal eating popcorn “Listen, Darry. They just put Moana as an option and then I saw that they have Finding Dory too and I don’t have time to watch them separately so-”

-“STEVE!”

-“PS Baby Dory is a-dor-a-ble. Totally deserved more screen time.”

-“STEVEN RANDLE!“

-“Although…I do like Ellen Degeneres’ performance…I find it quite modern and realistic.”

-“JUST TURN ONE OFF SO I CAN WATCH MY SHOW. IVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY, PLEASE. IM NOT GOING TO WORK JUST TO PAY FOR YOU TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY FIX OF CRAZY EYES!”

-“Dar, chill it’s like, what? Twelve dollars a month” 
-“eleven ninety-nine.”

- “Wait…why are you watching Orange is the New Black?”

-“you know what…forget it. ENJOY YOUR FREELOADING!” He slams the phone so quick. He doesn’t ask about the last show

-Darry hates Piper, thinks she’s a total bitch

-He watches all the trending shows or the unpopular documentaries there’s no in between

-He’s a HuGe fan of Stranger Things

-Watches Friday Night Lights thinking it’ll remind him of his high school days

-He threatens to cancel the subscription when the boys piss him off

-it’s such a powerful threat that it has never gotten to the point where he actually had to do it, they cut the shit immediately

-legitimately how he gets the boys to get their shit together

Ponyboy:
-He convinced Darry by telling him that it would cost less than going to the movies all the time and a lot safer

-He’s the one constantly reminding everyone that it’s illegal to use their account because they’re cheating the company

-They all look at other with serious faces then turn back to Pony and laugh their asses off because the law has never stopped them before

-It makes Johnny feel bad but he needs his daily fix of One Tree Hill so he got over it

-The one watching The Great British Baking Show because the American version isn’t there but he finds the accents soothing

-He gets frustrated because he’ll think he knows what they’re making but it’s just a word used America that turns out to be a different thing in the U.K. (Stuff like Biscuits)

-tbh doesn’t know what they’re talking about half the time…that or has never heard of what they’re making in his entire young life

-He has the masked icon as his “who’s watching” profile picture

-He somehow managed to convince Darry to get the four screen plan but it was never so that the other guys could use too it was just because he wanted the higher HD quality they didn’t offer in the other plans

-If he watches something he’s ashamed of, knowing everyone has access to his history, he’ll go delete it

-Its like the My Little Pony marathons never happened

Sodapop: -The one who gave the rest of the gang the username and password

-Worst mistake ever because now Dallas has Darry’s credit card information

-He doesn’t watch a lot of Netflix he mostly only went to movies to make Pony happy he only really enjoyed a few

-His attention span is just too short he can’t sit still to watch a movie for an hour or two

-Despite that, he can binge shows if he wants to

-If he’s sad he’ll watch Clueless and quotes the shit out of it

-Honestly Soda is the type to watch anything from a kids movie to a documentary on GMO foods like he only uses Netflix when he has nothing else to do

-To him it’s just one of those apps you don’t want to delete because you might need it but you never really use it

-His icon is the penguin

-He wishes they had a blue penguin

-but they don’t so he settles for the orange one

-he’s called the company multiple times to complain he’s waiting for them to call back

Two-bit:
-Fought Pony the first couple of days

-“SERIOUSLY? YOU WANT TO TAKE UP A SCREEN SO THAT I CANT WATCH MY OWN NETFLIX BUT LAST WEEK YOU COULDNT TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES?? YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO STAY YOU COULD’VE WALKED AROUND THE MALL!!”

-“Listen, PoNyBoNeR. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY watches movies on Netflix it’s all about binging Baby Daddy, my friend.”

-“WEVE HAD THE ACCOUNT FOR A WEEK NOW YOURE SUDDENLY THE NETFLIX MASTER? WE HAVE SEVEN PEOPLE ON THIS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW!”

-He ignores that last comment and answers the question, “Yes. And I say movies suck.”

-“DUDE the reviews for Wonder Woman were crazy I wanted to see it.”

-“Yeah, like I want to spend my precious time watching a lil twerp watch a chick flick.”

-Truth is he already went to see it five times

-Actually watches every show out there but mostly comedies

-Rewatches Friends all the time

-He’s never actually watched a movie tho

-He’s like Soda he can’t sit still long enough

-He wouldn’t have a problem buying his own account if he had to but using The Curtis’ is much more fun

-He had the free trial for a month but he canceled his subscription when it was over like he does with every other free trial

Dally:
-Only uses the account to watch porn in good quality

-That’s literally it I’m serious he doesn’t care for tv shows or movies it doesn’t have any other use to him

-Well he’s waiting for a good investment to come along and then he’s swiping that credit card info so quick

-He doesn’t use it for show watching purposes but he does fuck around with profile names and changes the pictures to piss Soda off mostly

-He changes the penguin to the Panda and it is a problem because Soda likes penguins and Pandas just aren’t the same

Johnny: 
-He watches the trendy shows and movies sometimes

-He takes Pony’s recommendations to heart because Pony loves this kinda thing so he figures Pony must know what he’s talking about

-He really likes Once Upon A Time

-And Raising Hope

-And literally any show that surrounds a group of friends because he relates to them for obvious reasons

-Okay but Gossip Girl is his shit

-The last profile has his name on it but the rest of boys share it

-Obsessed with Riverdale

-Pony didn’t fight with Johnny about using Netflix because he would tag along to movies before they got an account


Steve:
-Always pushed Darry to sign up for Hulu instead because they update faster and it’s the same price for no commercials as the 4 screen plan

-Helps Dally mess up the names

-Shamelessly watches whatever he wants

-Toddlers and Tiaras? Sure.

-My Little Pony? Yep.

-Cupcakes Wars? Hell yeah!

-Just no OITNB because that shit gets too crazy for him (RIP Dylan)

-Watches New Girl like it’s his religion

- He watched Family Guy and American Dad in the actual order they came out except for the first few seasons bc the quality/art style sucked

- He’s the type of person who need need needs to have something to snack on while he’s watching a show

-like he’ll plan it out or just save his food until he watches his show

-Laughed at Pony for spending all his time watching movies but now he never leaves his house because he’s binging shows

-They had the same conversation as the one with Two except Steve watched Wonder Woman seven times and once was with Sodapop who made him swear not to tell Pony

-But he’s a bitch so he exposed him when Soda refused to admit that Rainbow Dash is better than Pinky Pie

-Pony flipped

-Then Two came forward and it was a huge mess


This is for @maxisprettygay and @matt-dillon-trash

IM STILL SO MAD LIKE WHY DIDNT IT POST?? But at least it’s going up now

#the gang #headcannons #netflix

[yourheartsaremine-blog]

You’ve been matched with...

@seraphsword-seraphs​ aaaAAA APOLOGIES FOR THE LONG WAIT I’ve been sluggishly trying to get though reqs and rl at the same time so :’DD Thanks for sending in a matchup req, and I hope you enjoy!

Also fyi that the owl cafe in Tsukishima is absolutely a thing and I’d def rec it for real if anyone is in the Tokyo area. :’D

I feel like you and Futaba would get along grandly! She’s someone who has a fantastic sense of humour and will probably not only be able to appreciate your jokes, but will be more than happy to fire back some puns of her own (to the great exasperation of any of your friends who happen to be in your vicinity at the time). Additionally, she possesses a brilliant mind and would be a more than capable mental sparring partner if the urge to have a friendly debate ever arose! She loves learning about new things and would be more than happy to bestow whatever random information she comes across with you! This is especially true when it comes to topics on the mind, as both you and Futaba share an interest on learning about psychology. Futaba’s gone through a lot and, while she’s gotten better, she still has some difficulty trusting others. For this reason, I feel like she would be able to empathize with your own insecurities and feelings; despite her carefree demeanor, she’d likely pick up quite quickly on your doubts and worries. She’ll be patient and understanding if your insecurity ever rears its head in regards to her intentions, and will reassure you that she wants to stay by your side as many times as it takes. Admittedly, she may not always the best at comforting you when you’re feeling particularly emotional about something due to her own awkwardness, but she always tries to make sure that you at least know that she’s there for you. She’ll be there if you need to talk, and will try her best to cheer you up…though sometimes her own emotions start peaking and she’ll be right there getting mad right alongside you on your behalf! Sometimes, though, simply having someone who understands and expresses the same feelings as you do may help you overcome whatever hurdle is in your way. She won’t write off your feelings, but will seek to understand them while also trying to help you grow. She’s not great at taking care of herself, but Futaba will at least make sure to keep a close eye on you, especially when you ignore your own needs in favour of others. She really admires the side of you that goes out of her way to help friends, but worries about the consequences of you doing it too often. Futaba’s not above telling someone off if she thinks that they’re imposing themselves too much on you, though she’d bring the issue up with you in a gentler manner if she chooses to approach you about it. Overall, your relationship with Futaba is one that is fun and engaging, but is also one where you both mutually understand and support one another!

HCs (w/ Futaba):

Futaba loves it when you get particularly passionate about something! She enjoys the fact that you have so much to say about it, and if it’s something that she’s into as well, she adores having someone to have a nice discussion or debate with. She also finds that she learns a lot just by listening to you talk, which is always a huge bonus for this girl. It might even become somewhat of a tradition for the two of you to have a nightly discussion where, along with sharing things about your day, you choose a specific topic neither of you know a lot about but are interested in and do a little bit of research together.

Whenever a new pair of Pokemon games comes out, you can bet that Futaba will get whichever version that you don’t! You play the games together, trade Pokemon, and Futaba probably names her main team after the Phantom Thieves. She’ll have one named after you too! She would have asked you what your favourite Pokemon was at one point and made sure to breed one with perfect IVs so that she could train it up. It never leaves her team, partly because she’s biased, and partly because of how much of a powerhouse she made it.

Ever heard of cat—and even bird—cafes? Because those are pretty commonplace in Tokyo, and upon learning that you like both     creatures, Futaba would probably surprise you with a trip to one! This can either stem from just an everyday urge to see you smile, or to help cheer you up if she notices that you’re feeling particularly down. They be a little crowded sometimes, but she’s willing to brave the crowd if it means seeing you happy (plus, she feels quite a bit safer in your presence anyways, so it all works out)! She ends up doing some research to find all the different cafes available around you guys, and saves some of the cooler ones—like the owl café down in Tsukishima—for special occasions.

I think that initially in your relationship, she’s not always totally sure what to do when something is making you feel particularly emotional, and this just stems from her own lack of social interaction. However, she’ll try her best to make sure that you know that she’s there for you! At first this may be just be through making sure that you’re well fed (if you like curry, she’ll be demanding lots of that from Sojiro) and staying near you, but as your relationship develops and if you’re comfortable with it, more physical affection comes into play (i.e. handholding, cuddling up, etc)!

 HCs (w/ Phantom Thieves)

I like to think that the back and forth joking between you and Futaba—especially the puns—tends to drive some of your friends insane. Because of the fact he lives at Leblanc though, Akira tends to get the brunt of it, but he at least seems fairly neutral to all of the jokes…up until the point where, in the middle of a PT meeting, he makes his own punny jokes. Then everyone realizes that you’ve both rubbed off on him. In all seriousness, though, you probably do get to spend a fair time with Akira because of his relationship with both Futaba and Sojiro! He proves to be a very reliable friend, and he’s probably one of the best to confide your innermost thoughts to because he’s a great listener and isn’t one to judge.

Whenever you and Makoto find common ground on a specific topic, you two have a lot to talk about! While the student council president is generally quite collected, she absolutely beams when it comes to having a friendly discussion or debate with you on a shared interest. Sometimes, after you’ve had your initial chat, she’ll come visit you on a different day just to drop off some books on the topic that she had checked out for you because she thought you’d enjoy them.

When he learns that you like to draw and design characters, Yusuke’s interest will definitely be piqued! He may ask you to share some of your work with him if you’re willing, and will probably be very curious to ask you about the finer points of your work (i.e. why you chose to design something in that way, your colour choices, etc). Of course, you don’t necessarily have to answer him in a serious manner, but he’ll be quite delighted to know that someone else in his group of friends enjoys drawing. He may go on to ask what other creative outlets you have as well!

 Short scenario:

You and Futaba briefly try to introduce Yusuke to the world of fanfiction and ships. “I’m still not sure I understand.” Beside you, Futaba let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, Inari, it’s just something that fans like to write, okay? Sometimes it’s so that they can expand the story that’s already there, and other times it’s so that they can develop their ships.” Your gaze darted back to Yusuke just in time to see the poor boy’s confused frown deepen even further. Sensing the question that was coming even before it could be asked, you opened your mouth. “Yusuke—” Too slow. “I have heard that term many times, yet I still fail to understand why anyone would seek to introduce fleets of ships in every piece of ‘fanfiction’ that they write. What is this fascination with ships?” Futaba flopped against your side, her face buried in your shoulder as she let out a short laugh. Taking this as your cue (and finally, your first opportunity) to talk, you held up a hand. “Like…’relationship’, Yusuke. A ‘ship’ is when you pair two people or things up, and if you support a specific pair, you say that you ‘ship’ them.” There was a moment of silence as Yusuke digested this information. Then, his face lit up. “Ah, I see! So it can be used as both a noun and a verb.” Yusuke folded his arms across his chest and hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose it is not unlike capturing the essence of love in a painting, only done through the medium of writing instead of the visual arts.” You thought about how to respond to that. He wasn’t entirely off, but it probably wasn’t quite as grand or…refined as he seemed to think it was. In the end, you just settled for nodding. The boy nodded back, the smile on his face indicating that he was satisfied and thought himself properly educated now. “I see. So by that token, I suppose that you and Futaba would be considered a ‘ship’ if I were to use the term correctly.” Your girlfriend finally lifted her head to grin at Yusuke. “You got it, we’re the best ship! You picked that up faster than I expected, Inari.” Yusuke’s expression grew more confident. “And I must say then, that I…’ship’ the two of you. You certainly make for a good couple…though I do continue to question your tastes in humour at times.” You weren’t sure what made you grin more; Yusuke attempting to--and, arguably, successfully--using the term “ship”, or the exasperation in the latter half of his comment. Just as you were about to thank him, however, he glanced at the clock on the wall and let out a little “ah”. “It’s nearly time for the half-price sale at the grocery store! As I ‘ship’ myself with such sales, I must depart at once to ensure that I arrive in time.” The two of you watched as he suddenly got up, and Futaba was visibly trying not to laugh. “Uhhhh, Inari, that’s not really—“ “It was lovely conversing with you both today,” he interrupted, hastily gathering up his things, “And thank you for teaching me about ‘fanfiction’ and ‘ships’. I will return at a later date to learn more, but until then, have a good evening.” And then he was off. For a moment, you and Futaba were both silent, but then you turned to look at one another. You were the first to speak up. “Think we should have emphasized the romantic aspect of shipping?” Futaba thought about it, and the shook her head and flopped backwards into your lap. “Nah, this makes it more fun!”

#after that Yusuke just liberally uses the term all over the place until someone gently corrects him #idek adghFHDGHDFGFX #Matchups #Futaba Sakura

[lovelesswiki]

Post-Moonless predictions— Well-Kept Secrets (6/10)

previous part<–[here] –> next part

for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.

essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax–the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.

table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):

moonless and beloved will rematch (1)

soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)

ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)

SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)

kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)

ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)

SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)

seventh SM member will be revealed (8)

nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)

ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)

Theory: soubi keeps secrets well for many reasons, but now that he’s gone, they’re going to have to come to light, and ritsuka will find out more about him and his own family, forcing him to realize just how strong and terrible seimei’s hold over soubi is.

Note: this theory heavily discusses the topic of rape in terms of soubi being both the victim and the perpetrator and in terms of nisei’s rape of mikado. proceeding with caution is advised. 

we’ve already been a little bit introduced to this. or, should i say, ritsuka has been a little bit more introduced to this.

soubi keeps secrets from ritsuka. soubi keeps secrets that he has not explicitly been told to keep. ill write up another post someday about this, but i suspect that soubi keeps secrets about his past from ritsuka because seimei already knew all those secrets and used them against him, and he thinks that not telling them to ritsuka will prevent them from hurting, so he can just ignore his past and pretend like it never happened. this actually isnt uncommon in people who have been through constant abuse, and it makes sense why soubi hasn’t told ritsuka (or anyone) anything yet.

not even kio or natsuo and youji seem to know about soubi’s complete past, involving mainly ritsu’s treatment of him, but also involving what soubi did under seimei’s rule. it is pretty clear from the angry, verbally violent way that he responds to tokino with that he did some pretty terrible things under seimei’s rule. when tokino implies that like nisei, it was soubi’s job to rape and murder enemies, soubi loses his shit but never really denies it. aside from this, we have hard evidence of soubi murdering other teams for seimei, including this being explicitly stated in a drama CD where someone that soubi took pity on comes back to haunt him, and the fact that one of the crimes seimei’s being prosecuted for includes murder, and seimei doesn’t do the dirty work to say the least. there’s also the fact that in the beginning, he kept asking ritsuka if he wanted soubi to murder their opponents, which strongly implies that he’d been put in a situation previously, where that question was necessary and appropriate, and where the answer was ‘yes’. this is a secret long-kept, and i do believe it’s key in understanding soubi, which is something ritsuka (and by extension kio) desperately need, and it’ll play into ritsuka’s later development of understanding that not everything falls into ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

(pictured: soubi starts an yelling argument with tokino over one comment, resulting in youji telling him to calm the fuck down.)

soubi has let a couple things go to ritsuka. he confirmed that ritsu raised him and was very cruel to him, but he didnt expand much on either point. with the few stories that soubi did tell ritsuka, ritsuka seemed a bit distressed and commented that the things ritsu did were horrible. in addition to this, ritsuka learning about seimei and nisei raping mikado seemed to be a huge turning point for him in the way he viewed seimei, and i suspect that there will be something similar when ritsuka learns that soubi was raped at a young age by the man raising him. and i suspect he’ll become very confused and disorientated when he realizes that seimei had soubi do many of the same things that nisei did. while i think their situations are different to where soubi had no capacity to enjoy it or even want to do it, whereas with nisei and in the case of mikado, nisei seems to have gone above and beyond whatever seimei ordered him to do and going along with his personality, enjoyed it, especially given his comments of liking it when listening to ritsuka cry through his wiretaps. 

(it’s probably safe to say that he enjoyed what he did to mikado.)

ritsuka is a particular character, because he’s young, and young people tend to view the world in terms of ‘black’ and ‘white’. for a long, long time, ritsuka viewed his brother as ‘good’ and in the series, mostly towards the beginning, he struggled with whether or not soubi was a ‘bad guy’. however, hes quickly discovering that the world isn’t so clear-cut, which we’ll get to in a hot minute (or more, in the next part of this series).  

by some way or another, probably by just directly asking ritsu or nagisa and by spending an extended amount of time at seven voices, ritsuka will find out about soubi’s childhood. he will also go deeper into what the flashback chapters introduced and we’ll find out what further transpired with ritsu, nagisa, akio, and the rest of the kids in that particular year. i say this because, at this point, it’s detrimental to the story. we’ve gotten to a point where we sort of need to know why these older characters act the way they do and why there’s so much bad blood between them. this will also help ritsuka understand SM more, too, but ill get to that in the next point. there’s also the fact that, you know, theres two potential people that could be ritsuka’s father, the fact that soubi’s mother and ritsuka’s mother were friends, and the fact that a kid suspiciously drown in knee-deep water. so, a lot of unsolved mysteries we haven’t gotten to yet.

so, we have ritsuka and kio finding out about the horrors of soubi’s past, and i think this will heavily impact the way ritsuka sees ritsu and septimal moon. right now, ritsuka seems to sort of respect ritsu, but i doubt he will after he finds out about everything, especially the fact that ritsu raped soubi when he was incredibly young and abused him in every way before and after that. this will cause ritsuka’s opinion of ritsu to drop incredibly low, which will affect what happens in the next part of this series.

ritsuka may also find out about the things soubi did for seimei and will find out that many of the crimes that seimei is held accountable for were actually done with soubi’s hands. i don’t believe in any way, shape, or form that soubi can be held accountable for this in this world, nor do i personally believe he should be held accountable, but i’m unsure if ritsuka will immediately see it this way. ritsuka will be forced to make a choice about good vs evil regarding soubi, and will be forced to come to the realization of just how strong seimei’s hold over soubi and nisei is and what the extent of his power is.

in addition, we’ll find out more about ritsuka’s family, too. i should say that im a firm believer that yun has been building up to something having to do with ritsuka’s father, who he is, and why he’s never present, and ive thought this ever since we got the indirect confirmation that seats are passed down throughout the family, meaning that it was most likely the elder aoyagi who held it beforehand. notice that i say elder aoyagi and not ritsuka’s father, because we don’t know if ritsuka’s father is seimei sr or aoyagi masaki, misaki’s biology professor in high school. this will play a huge amount into who ritsuka is and what he discovers about himself, and how it could even relate to seimei’s motives and his own memory loss.

the way i see it, ritsuka and seimei are masaki aoyagi’s kids. or, at the very least, seimei is his, but i personally believe ritsuka is, too. however, there’s a very real possibility that ritsuka thinks nowaki seimei--who will be referred to as seimei sr, mostly because i think it’s funny--is his father. i’m fairly certain that seimei sr is the one that ritsuka calls ‘dad’ and the person that we see for a couple panels in the early volumes of the manga, and im unsure if he knows that he was fathered by someone else. seimei jr alludes to knowing more about their family and why they’re named what they are named in an extra chapter about ritsuka’s birthday, but doesn’t say much about his family beyond that. regardless, there is something fucked up going on with the aoyagi family seniors, since misaki, ritsuka, and seimei jr all take the last name ‘aoyagi’. the kids look like aoyagi masaki, but the person ritsuka calls ‘dad’ is never home and is most definitely not aoyagi masaki. there’s also the fact that when seimei jr is being taken to the hospital for ritsuka’s birth in a flashback, we don’t actually see daddy. on top of this ‘dad’ is never home and ritsuka even states at one point while he’s tied up that he won’t come save him, and he doesn’t attend ritsuka’s school functions (in fact, soubi seems to be the person his school considers his parent, since he’s asked to come help out at an art museum and he offers to go to the dad event at school for ritsuka in early series loveless).  

i’m of the belief that something is going on with the aoyagi parental lineage, since i don’t really see any evidence that ritsuka’s father is just absent a lot. there’s too much pointing to the fact that something suspicious is going on. and i think this is something seimei knows, but ritsuka does not. i also think that ritsuka will be finding out more about his memory loss, and i theorize that ritsuka at one point found out something he shouldn’t have, resulting in seimei ordering to have his memory taken, and that soubi is probably the one to have done this, given that soubi is able to alter memories, since he did so to hitomi in relation to natsuo and youji.

to put it simply, there’s a lot of very well-kept secrets that i think are about to come out, and it’s going to be detrimental when they do.

#loveless #aoyagi ritsuka #agatsuma soubi #minami ritsu #gomon mikado #akame nisei #sorry im posting this late #i dont feel like tagging the names the other way around lol #theory #post moonless battle series #my content

[jacqcrisis]

man, i really wanna finish that one after-Tide fic just so I can write smut from the POV of an ace character again

#jacq writes #its so much EASIER #for me at least #from pov of ace character: easy understandable i get the motivations #im having a great time #from pov of an allo character: readers are going to clock me from seven miles away #always worried im doing okay with what im writing #when i wrote a different kind of nature #i was worried people wouldn't want to read something smutty from the pov of a character who is ostensibly ace in the fic #but ive gotten so many comments about people related a lot to that and enjoying it for that reason #and that makes me very happy

[spacesaved]

( reposted from my about page in a reblogabble form w/ formatting changes. if you find the formatted version visually difficult or irritating to read, the unformatted version is on the about page! this & the about page will be updated as i learn more things about my muse. )

for the most part, my portrayal will follow the canon of star trek: alternate original series. however, here are some things i’ve added to my version of jim.

trigger warnings: abuse, starvation, murder, death, ptsd, traumatic mutism, bipolar disorder, & eating disorder.

triggers are bolded at the beginning of each section so that you can skip over anything that may be triggering for you. if you’d like a summary of any part that you skipped over, feel free to ask me! i can change things around, to a certain extent, so that we can write together.

1. tw: abuse. jim & his stepfather, frank, were not on the best of terms. ever since frank had come into his life, jim had despised him. there was just something about the way he treated winona that jim didn’t like. he’d only given the guy a chance at his mother’s request, something which he sorely regretted after she married him. when winona went back to starfleet, sam ran away from home & jim was left with frank & his abusive tendencies. it started just bad moods & snide remarks, but the remarks got worse with time. words became stronger, louder. they were picked more carefully, picked to tear the young boy apart. & as if that wasn’t enough, frank shoved him, hit him, even made him bleed. the effects of this abuse still haunt jim, but he’s been healing with time & distance.

2. tw: starvation, murder, death. after jim had stolen & wrecked frank’s car, frank unilaterally enrolled jim in the earth colony on tarsus iv. winona had no knowledge of this decision, as she was off-world with starfleet. the distance was freeing, at first. he was glad to be out from under frank’s thumb at last. on tarsus iv, he was able to live the kind of childhood he’d wanted. for a time, he was happy. he did well in school, he played sports, he had friends — he thrived. but unfortunately, it didn’t last.

famine fell over the colony as an exotic fungus destroyed their food supply. suddenly, paradise had become hell. as colonists panicked & worried, riots began to break out. jim ran from the facility he’d been living at with the few children he knew that were now or previously orphaned, & they stuck together for as long as they could. naturally, he took charge of the small group, organizing them in a way that would benefit the group the most. he & the older children would scavenge for food while those younger would stay together & hide.

it worked for a short while, but like the rest of those who had survived the first wave of death, their group began to succumb as well. jim tried his best to care for them all. he made sure they had first pick of the food, & he only ate as much as he needed to survive another day. he did everything he could to make sure they survived. there are things he did there that he’ll never speak of.

but the worst of it all was how he killed to save them. the first time, he didn’t sleep for days. he felt so ill he could barely move, but he had to. he had to take care of the others. it got a little easier with time, but it was always a last resort. in the end, though, he lost most of them to starvation or illness or both. by the end, it was only him & kevin riley left.

they were eventually forced to rejoin a larger group out of necessity when kevin fell ill. jim refused to let the young boy die too. with help from the larger group, they were able to nurse him back to relative health. but that’s when it happened.

governor kodos, under the pretense of aid, divided the remaining colonists into two groups. unbeknownst to them, the division would cost 4,000 colonists their lives. kodos had separated the survivors based on strength & likelihood of survival. those who were stronger & more likely to survive were allowed to live. those who were weaker & less likely were executed. jim was one of nine eyewitnesses to the execution.

supply ships arrived too late to save the 4,000 sentenced to death, but when they arrived, jim & the remaining orphaned children were sent home to earth. to this day, jim still has ptsd & nightmares about life on tarsus iv & the execution of 4,000 innocent survivors.

3. tw: ptsd, traumatic mutism. following the traumatic events on tarsus iv, jim & kevin returned to earth & were placed into the care of jim’s mother, who had returned as soon as she had learned of the famine & that frank had sent jim there. at that point, she was in the process of divorcing frank, & she filed for a restraining order on her & jim’s behalf.

jim regularly saw a child psychologist to help him through his ptsd. directly following the events of the tarsus iv massacre, jim went without speaking for about a month. his psychologist assured his mother that he would speak when he was ready, & that it was his mind’s way of coping with what happened.

additionally, for years after his return from tarsus iv, jim would hide scraps of food around the house. this was both to convince his mother that he was finishing his meals & out of fear that another famine could occur at any moment.

with time & support, his symptoms have nearly disappeared, but he will occasionally have periods of ptsd related distress, specifically in the form of nightmares & anxiety, even in adulthood.

4a. tw: bipolar disorder. while at starfleet academy, jim began to act out of the ordinary. some days, he found it difficult to get out of bed. or when he did, he felt incredibly numb & unable to enjoy all the things he loved to do. some days, he couldn’t sleep at all & stayed out all night, & he could become incredibly irritible at the drop of a hat. there was no obvious reason as to why he behaved these ways, so jim hadn’t seen them as a problem at the time. but as these behaviors & others began to exhibit themselves, jim’s friends became increasingly worried about him. leonard mccoy was especially concerned.

being jim’s roommate & best friend, leonard had a hard time standing by & allowing jim to push himself into riskier & riskier situations. shortly after leonard had expressed this concerns, jim began to see that he was right. he had been denying any problems he’d been facing for far too long, & he needed to confront them instead. so, with a lot of coaxing from leonard, jim made an appointment to see one of starfleet academy’s mental health professionals.

the process of diagnosis didn’t happen overnight. in fact, it took many weeks before they reached any sort of conclusion. but when they did, it was then that jim learned he had bipolar disorder.  ( this form is likely bipolar II disorder. source: here. )  at the time, he was unsure of what this meant, but he was assured by the counseling team that with some help & support, he would be able to manage his moods better.

for the rest of his time at the academy, he continued attending weekly therapy sessions & tried out different medications until he & his therapist were satisfied he’d found the right one. while friends came & went, leonard was there every step of the way.

by the time he was given command of the enterprise, he was mentally in a much healthier state. but that doesn’t mean he never struggled. currently, he does what he can to manage his symptoms, but he’s human, & he can’t always handle them as well as he would like to. but with the help & support of his close friends, his therapist, & a strict self-imposed therapy plan, he generally manages well.  ( for more information on bipolar disorder, go here. many of the items in the chart of signs & symptoms apply to jim during the corresponding episodes. )

4b. tw: abuse, eating disorder, bipolar disorder. as a result of growing up with a physically, verbally, & emotionally abusive step-father, jim occasionally has trouble when it comes to taking care of himself. specifically, he has a mild form of anorexia & struggles with eating enough food. this tendency seems to stem from the traumatic events of tarsus iv & childhood self-esteem issues brought on by his step-father, who often made negative comments about his weight when he was young.

this disordered eating has gotten better with time & effort, but he is more likely to relapse during depressive & manic episodes of his bipolar disorder. during depressive episodes, his self-esteem is lowered & he begins to worry about his weight. this causes him to eat very little. during manic episodes, he can be moving so quickly & erratically that he forgets to eat. 

even when he is not experiencing symptoms of an episode, he can have trouble with food. as a result of his time spent in crisis on tarsus iv, he rarely eats a full meal. he feels that there must be other people who need food more than he does, so he can go without for them. it’s a habit, a destructive thought he’s been trying to break, but it’s been years & he still has trouble. with a lot of coaxing & assurance, he can finish a meal, but he never feels truly great about it. he has, however, broken his habit of hiding large quantities of food. 

5. on a lighter note, jim has a cat! her name is rosie & he adores her. he found her during one of the enterprise’s pit stops when she stowed away on the ship. he loves her so much that no one has had the heart to remind him that it’s not exactly allowed.

she is very affectionate & serves as an emotional support animal for jim as well as an unofficial therapy cat for most of the bridge crew, as those are the crewmembers closest to jim.

rosie is a special cat as well. she has the ability to walk on walls & ceilings, & she is often found hiding on one of those surfaces when she wants some alone time. additionally, her eyes & fur appear to sparkle a bit, like she was bathed in stars. for more information, check out my concept for rexelian domestic cats.

6. jim is very respectful of women.  ( fuck you, j.j. abrams. )  therefore, that scene where he hid under gaila’s bed and saw nyota undressing? jim may have seen nyota, but he immediately looked away. same goes for that scene with carol marcus changing. james. tiberius. kirk. respects. women.

7. follow these links for romance & sex headcanons. 

#《 ★ 》 about jim #《 ★ 》 headcanon

[furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1]

If the officer did not check my insurance, will the ticket show up on my insurance bill?

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i need to sr-22 to get my license back after 7 years w/o driving. i lost it in 2001 due to a dui, and haven't driven since. its finally time for me to start my life over, and this is a major step to do it. i learned from the dmv (ca) that i need the sr-22 + insurance, and just a 125.00$ reinstatement cost. i know there are a lot of factors to consider, but just an idea of the cost would be great.""

How much would insurance for a land rover be?

I'm 16 a girl and I have straight a's if that matters. I'm thinking about getting a land rover rl2. How much monthly would everything cost(gas insurance and payment) I live in Southern California btw

Gap insurance on salvaged vehicle?

I recently bought a salvaged 2006 Honda Civic Ex for $10,800. The only damage that this car received was the airbag was blown during an accident. But it was replaced ever since. How will gap insurance work for this salvaged car?""

INSURANCE ON A 1986 MUSTANG GT?

I TRIED TO GET A QUOTE ON ALL STATE BUT the only years i have 2 choose from is 1995 - 2010 so can i get insurance with a regular company or do i need to get classic car insurance

Which Car Insurance Company would be cheaper?

Looks like everything now and days is going up -including car insurance. Does anyone know of any company that has cheap car insurance???? I'm not sure if AAA offers any good deals

Driving without a license and no insurance?

I recently got pulled over in GA im from PA for driving without a license and no insurance on my car and i was sent to jail and i bailed out and i go back to court in April and i was wondering if i should waste my time on actually getting an attorney and what exactly you think they'll do to me. And is there anything i can do to go in there and fix the problem like get my license or will it show up in the DMV that i went to jail for not having one? I figured if i could go get my license and my insurance figured out maybe the charges wouldn't be so harsh. Any ideas?

Is unemployment insurance really an insurance?

1. What other insurance allows people who are guaranteed to be unemployed to be on it (such as actors, waiters, other short term employed workers)? 2. What other insurance is mandatory? Or, specifically, unlike car insurance, who is actually affected by being uninsured if one is unemployed?""

What insurance companies provide non-owner auto insurance in Ohio?

looking to insure myself for car insurance in columbus ohio but I dont own a car.

Cheap car insurance for first time drivers ?

what is the cheapest car insurance company for first time drivers ? Age:23

Will my insurance go up for my speeding ticket?

I just recently got a speeding ticket or doing 46 in a 30. (which wasn't possible) I'm only 16 and it is my first ticket. My parents will kill me when they find out. We have stated arm insurance and only liability on the car but will the insurance go up and/or cause my parents to fin out?

""Health insurance, to see chiropractor help!?""

im trying to find health insurance because i dont qualify for medicare. im currently unemployed and looking for work, and couldnt go to fiu this semester. im 26 years old woman. i hurt my back lifting boxes a few months ago. the pain is horrible some days that i have to stay in bed all day. i need to see a doctor but i dont have money and i am living with my disabled mother. http://consumerdirect.bcbsfl.com my zipcode is 33010 what is the cheapest insurance here that would let me see a chiro and get xrays done? the less i would have to pay the better since my financial situation right now is bad.""

Will State Farm full coverage insurance pay for my car since it was total loss and i still owe the bank?

the guy had full coverage was his fault and im up side down with my bank car loan?

Where can I get free life insurance quotes?

I need a website that gives free life insurance quotes?

How much does a car inspection cost?

I need to get my car inspected (just bought it and I need it for insurance, the car was actually recently inspected by the previous owner). How much does that usually cost? I know a guy who charges $37 is that the going rate?""

If the officer did not check my insurance, will the ticket show up on my insurance bill?

Basically what the question says.    I was speeding in Virginia and when the officer pulled me over he only check my license and registration. I paid the ticket almost a month before it was due and have yet to hear if my insurance rates went up. My father pays for my insurance so, maybe he just hasn't said anything but I just wanted to ask the community if since the officer didn't check for my insurance, does that mean my rates won't increase? Preferably, I'd like a cop to answer this, but peer comments are still appreciated. Thanks!!

What is the price of insurance on a 1990 pontiac firebird?

I am 16 years old and just got my license. I am looking to buy a 1990 pontiac firebird. I was just wondering how much insurance would cost for a new driver.

Is infinit g35 coupe is a good first car?need ur opinion pl :)?

So I'm 18 and thinkin about buyin a g35 coupe .its goin to be my first car is it a good car for a first time buyer?and I also interested buyin a 2010 Mercedes Benz c-300 with really low millage.i can afford both cars but just can't decide which one./: any suggestion guys?:)

Can I get temporary health care coverage inbetween plans?

I'm switching jobs and have about 30 days where I will have no insurance. What can I do to get my prescriptions covered for that amount of time? I'm looking for something affordable and legit.

Where can I buy affordable car insurance?

I know u can do it in the UK...but can't find any insurance agency in the US to do it.

What does auto insurance deductible mean?

I just bought a new car but the bank that financed the loan is asking for proof of auto insurance on the car with a comprehensive and collision deductible of $1000 maximum. I put AAA insurance on the vehicle and they gave me a $500 deductible on both comprehensive and collision. Do i need the $1000 deductible or am i good with the $500 deductible?

Where's a good place to go if have cavaties and no dental insurance at the moment?

i'm taking a semester off (enrolled in college but not currently attending) and i just graduated h.s. and my dental insurance cut off my moms plan. They discovered 2 cavities and they i'd like to get them taken care of before i go away to college is there anywhere i could go for cheaper or that would accet paymnet plans at a semi-affordable price?

How much of my 18 yr. old son's paycheck should I take from him?

My son got his first job at McDonalds. He is living at home. I want to take a percentage of his pay and put it aside for his car insurance, etc.. I can't see him just blowing his whole paycheck on junk. What percentage do you think is fair?""

Why is my car insurance so high?

why is my car insurance so high my cheapest quote is 4000 on my own i have a 1.1 peugeot 106 im nearly 20 years old and passed my driving test at the end of november 2010

How can I get health insurance?

Hi! So my situation is a little complicated......I am twenty and a full time college student living at home. Both my parents are older and on medicare which does not cover me. I only work part time so I really cant even afford to pay for insurance and my college offers an insurance plan but it's really crappy. I really need to find some type of health insurance that is affordable. Not being able to go to the doctor or dentist is not fun. Any advice please?

Young Drivers Insurance question?

I'm 18 years old and passed my driving test on the 30th September 2010. I don't have a car because I cant afford the insurance. I'm working full time. I found a nice little car, a 2001 RENAULT CLIO, 1.2 16V 3dr Hatchback. I used a price comparison site to get a basic idea of what the insurance would be on it - and using my real own details and it was 5993. So I messed around a bit and added my mum as a second/extra driver. The price crashed down to 3,153. The option to add another driver was still there so I added my dad too and the price is now 2,617 - much more in my price range. I called them in and was like look at this and what do you think and they both agreed that there was something wrong with it and there would be a catch somewhere but I disagree. They said it would affect their own no claims however when added a extra driver no information about an extra driver is there. Are they right that there would be a catch? And can someone give me some more information about this please! Thanks!""

Can I get a car without insurance if I am 16?

So my mom has statefarm but refuses to pay for my insurance if I get a car, I'm 16 and in Colorado, do I need insurance to get a car. This guy across thr street is selling a really cool car cheap and I want to get, would I need insyrance to buy a car and drive it, or cam I get it and avoid accidents.""

Car insurance?

i'm looking for the name if the company that has that commercial where the lady is telling how to save on car insurance, on the back there is a truck, that i believe said HONK if you want to save or something like that, and as she speaks you also hear the cars going by honking. thanks""

Does being a cyclist affect health insurance rates? How so?

A cyclist might be more at risk to injury in accidents because they're on a bicycle instead of inside a car, but cyclists are probably generally healthier.""

What is an insurance program?

I have heard the term, Programs Division, and Programs Underwriter. What exactly are Programs and how do they differ from the regular products an insurance agency offers?""

How much would i save on insurance by taking the motorcycle safety course?

and is their other beneifits to taking the safety course like, getting a discount at the dealer place or something""

How do Insurance companies pay for medical bills?

I was in an accident last year that led to me being in the ICU for a few days. I incurred a hefty medical bill as a result. The accident was not my fault, and the driver was insured. I am going to a mediation to decide how the money the insurance company can pay will be divided between those of us that were injured. My question is, when we come to an agreement, will the insurance company send me a check or will they send a payment to the hospital where I owe money?""

What is the best but affordable health insurance w/h low deductibles anyone knows about?

What is the best but affordable health insurance w/h low deductibles anyone knows about?

Will the insurance payment be higher if?

Will the car insurance be higher if theres two drivers instead of 1?

Does California state law not allow insurance companies to increase rates for $750 or less claims?

I heard California Sate law prohibits insurance companies from raising your rates if you have a total accident claim of $750 (not to include deductible amount)? Is this true?

Car insurance in massachusetts?

im gonna buy a $700(ive checked it out its a good deal, shutup) 1996 honda civic dx(its a first car, i hate hondas but im not rich like half of the assholes that are gonna make fun of me for getting a honda) anyway i live in massachusetts and i know insurance will be a variable but does anyone know how much itll be when i start driving? thanks""

What would my car insurance be?

I am a 20 year old male in Upstate NY and ive been driving since last september and i just bought a car (2000 Chevy Impala) and im trying to look for a good car insurer and my parents have state farm. what insurer would be the best and how much would it cost in my situation?

Insurance for my hrse?

does any one no any good horse insurance companys

""I was driving my husbands car, I was not on his insurance yet. A car hit us while sitting at a stop sign?""

I was driving my husbands car, I was not on his insurance yet (married two weeks before). A car hit us while sitting at a stop sign. The at fault driver's insurance company is ...show more""

My insurance say I have to pay for the other parties repair costs and hire costs?

Do I have to pay for their car hire costs? I thought their insurance paid for it as you have that option when purchasing insurance whether you want courtesy car or not?? please help

Maternity insurance for self employed?

Hi, I am from ca and I was wondering if there is any affordable insurance for self employed family. I am not pregnant but planning on it in the next few months. any ideas?""

If the officer did not check my insurance, will the ticket show up on my insurance bill?

Basically what the question says.    I was speeding in Virginia and when the officer pulled me over he only check my license and registration. I paid the ticket almost a month before it was due and have yet to hear if my insurance rates went up. My father pays for my insurance so, maybe he just hasn't said anything but I just wanted to ask the community if since the officer didn't check for my insurance, does that mean my rates won't increase? Preferably, I'd like a cop to answer this, but peer comments are still appreciated. Thanks!!

Why did my lawyer tell the car insurance company to pay PIP directly to me when I asked to have my bill paid?

I spoke to my auto insurance company because my lawyer took two months to file my personal injury protection claim. Once, I took action into my own hands then I was assured that the woman handling my case from my car insurance company would see that my PIP paid for my medical expenses because I don't have health insurance. However, another month has passed and I have heard nothing from my lawyer about my case even though I call his office every week. So, today I received a letter in the mail from my lawyer office to my claim insurance person. It has her name on it but my address so I am not sure if it was intentionally sent that way or not. Yet, I read over it and it tells my insurance claim to pay the PIP directly to me and not to the medical company. What do I do about this? Has anyone gone through something similar and can you give me some helpful advice? I don't know if my lawyer is trying to add my PIP with the rest of the money that I will get so he can get a bigger chunk or if he is trying to get my PIP to me instead? I do know that I would like to pay for my medical bills as I am a college student in debt and don't want anymore hassle.""

How much is an oldtimer insurance for a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II ?

I would like to know how much per month an oldtimer insurance for a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II or Spirit would cost about per month? I am 21 years old, self employed. Does someone know ?""

Does your car insurance go up if you get a parking ticket?

I was just being dumb today and I parked in a neighborhood where you can't park. I accept the fact that I was in the wrong and all that. The fine is $80. What I'm most concerned with is whether or not it will increase my car insurance rate. My first thought was no, because it was a parking violation, not a driving violation. But considering how crazy car insurance companies are, I just am not sure. Any help? Thanks in advance.""

""Car insurance, from provisional to full uk?""

I have recently bought a car (a 2003 Ford Ka 1.3 Collection) & am on a provisional license taking driving lessons atm. Im looking at different car insurance quotes online & am thinking of going with Admiral as it seems like they offer the cheapest car insurance for my situation. As far as I'm aware, I would have to pay approx 1,100 to insurance my car while still on a provisional license, & approx 1,600 with a full uk. (A lot of ppl have said that insurance will be more expensive while on a provisional license but I know for a FACT that it's the other way around seeing as I would have a fully qualified driver with me at all times, meaning that I'm less likely to have an accident!!) Anyway, Because I'm looking at insuring my car for Nov while I still have a provisional license (I'm going to pay it monthly), when I hopefully pass my test at the start of Dec & obviously notify the insurers that I will have passed my test & therefore gotten a full uk license, HOW ON EARTH will that affect my insurance? Any help will be MUCH MUCH appreciated!!...I'm really CONFUSED atm!!!!! :):)""

What are the best and affordable medical insurance companies in Pennsylvania?

Also available in some other states around.

Why do women get lower car insurance rates?

Is this true? Are women's car insurance rates lower? like here: http://bestquoteus.com/carinsurance/womencarinsurance.html

Looking for health insurance for my parents who were deemed 'high risk' and have been rejected several times.

My dad is self-employed, so no company insurance plan, and my mom does not work. They are both considered 'high risk' because of health problems and having to take several prescription medications. They have been rejected a few times, one was Blue Cross Blue Shield and I don't know the others. I'm very concerned for their health and want to find something to help them. My dad makes enough money to not qualify him for anything for low income families. Does anyone know about any affordable health insurance companies that accept 'high risk' people? Or insurance for the self employed? Thanks!""

Cheap car insurance for me?

Right I'm 22 and at college doing painting and decorating and have A LOT of people wanting things done to there houses but they are too far away and I can't carry a paste tae plus tools on a bus and hawl it everywhere with me all the time so I need to get my *** in gear and get a car. I'm going to be taking lessons in the near future but insurance is obv essential. What would be my best option on cheap... Or cheaper option anyway for my current situation. Keeping in mind would only need a cheap small banger of a car and I'm a student. Any heads up would be great on where to go or best car for me Thanks

Where do you get a semen analysis performed in southern California without insurance? ?

I have looked all over the Internet! !! We live near orange county and la county he has no insurance. Please help! !!

How much is my insurance going to go up?

I messed up, and rear ended a car. The cop said that while it was my fault, and I admitted that, it's largely because of the crazy intersection. Anyways, my car doesn't have a scratch but the other car's bumper completely fell off (It was a cheap car, so I'd estimate the damages at about $500 at the MOST. If that effects anything). No one was hurt either. I'm insured by AAA, but I'm a 17 year old so I know it looks bad. I've never gotten in an accident before, and I've been driving for almost two years. How much can I expect it to go up? ANY general idea would be nice. Thanks!""

Insurance companies will have 32 million new customers because of Obamacare. How is this socialism?

The Affordable Care Act was modeled after a Republican health care plan by the Heritage Foundation and was first implemented by a Republican governor. All this bill does is makes sure that insurance companies have 32 million new customers. I could understand if you called Single Payer socialism (which I highly support), but calling Obamacare socialist is pretty stupid.""

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Is insurance cheap for a 2007 Honda CBR125?

I live in Vancouver, Canada if that helps. I'm a new motorcycle driver. 17 years old. What could I expect to pay for insurance?""

""Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

How much money can i get from a car accident?? it was not my fault?

i was in a car accident. the other driver crashed into me & did a hit and run. i was in the car with my g.f . my g.f ended up with back pains & neck pains. i ended up with two broken fingers & a cast in my left hand. in addition i had back pains too. it appears that the driver that hit me was d.u.i and did a hit and run and got caught. after that, the insurance from the driver salvaged my car. just paid me what is was worth 3k. ive been going to therapy for 2 months now with my g.f. i spend about 500-600 in medical bills. i was off work 3 months. im 21 years old and i live in the state of california. i have an attorney working on my case. so how much can i get from the insurance company and my g.f ????""

NCAP rating effect on car insurance.?

I'm looking to buy a car and noticed that some of the models I favour, such as Ford Puma; Vauxhall Tigra, have not been crash tested by NCAP. Does a car which has not been crash tested by NCAP necessarily attract higher insurance premiums?""

""Why is it cheaper to add another person to your car insurance, shouldn't it cost more?""

I am going to add my boyfriend to my car insurance and it is going to be cheaper, (not that I am complaining any) but wouldn't it make sense to charge more? So why is it cheaper to add another person to car insurance.""

Is it true that if some one borrows your car and they don't have their own insurance they are uninsured?

If they don't have their own car and insurance and you just have basic liability are they driving uninsured and could get fined if pulled over. Please advise

Non Owners Auto Insurance?

Hello, I'm 18 and I just got my license and I am buying my first car soon. I wanted to know if it's possible if my grandmother could register my car and have the car in her own name, and I buy Non Owners Auto Insurance to cover me while driving? Is this a bad idea, because it seems as though it would be much cheaper for me? Please let me know thanks!""

Question about my car insurance?

My current insurance is with state farm; just a question; if i got hit by someone without car insurance and is their fault; they dont have any money to pay for my damage; since i dont have the uninsure motor coverage but i have collision with deductible of 500 dollar; would my collision cover me after i pay the 500 dollar? i guess my real question is what is the point of having uninsure motor coverage when i have collision coverage? would i need both? or just collision would be sufficient?

Need help with car insurance. ?

Im 16 and got my first car, i have been looking for a place to get cheap car insurance .... please tell me some good places to get the absolute cheapest car insurance.""

Car Insurance Temporary Additional Driver???

I already have a car insurance policy with Churchill. I am doing a very long journey this weekend and want to Insure my boyfriend for 3 days to help me with the drive. Is it possible to put someone on an existing policy for 3 days?? I take it there would be a cost involved.

""I want to trade my car in. I have no GAP Insurance, where can I get it?

I got a used 2007 Dodge Caliber SXT rom Drivetime (rip off) in March of this year. I knew nothing about financing a car or anything. Now I want to trade the car in at a new lot for a ...show more

Selling a Car in Colorado With Expired Plates and No Insurance?

I have a car that has expired plates and no insurance as I haven't been using it for the past few months. The plates are expired since March of this year. Will either a dealership or private-buyer be able to purchase her? I am afraid to register the plates as I was told that I need proof of insurance. I am afraid to purchase insurance because I was told that the insurance company will report me for expired plates. How can I get around this issue without going to court? The car has been parked on private property for months!

Cheapest saturn sky insurance for a 16 year old?

I am about to turn sixteen and i was wndering how much insurance would cost for a Saturn sky?

If the officer did not check my insurance, will the ticket show up on my insurance bill?

Basically what the question says.    I was speeding in Virginia and when the officer pulled me over he only check my license and registration. I paid the ticket almost a month before it was due and have yet to hear if my insurance rates went up. My father pays for my insurance so, maybe he just hasn't said anything but I just wanted to ask the community if since the officer didn't check for my insurance, does that mean my rates won't increase? Preferably, I'd like a cop to answer this, but peer comments are still appreciated. Thanks!!

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/esure-car-insurance-quote-phone-number-adelina-burnett/"