#but its weird to actually get the date now

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

#desire mona #YAYYYYYYYY TODD AUTISM POST #do yall want a seperate autistic anderperry hc post cuz i can do that #genderqueer todd i love you so much #dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #the todd spectrum #actually autistic #banger

[citrusinicake]

Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse

full text below

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those

#mine.art #baconswagweek2024 #baconswag

[moeblob]

I met people I knew only online for the first time irl last night and I'm still extremely exhausted cause I am not a social person so here. Take an OC.

Katale (Kitty) is wonderful and I love her and she's a criminal and that's fine. She likes to look cute and so whenever I see a really cute outfit in public with a specific vibe, I'm like "Kitty would love that". So here. Please. Please know that I saw this very pretty woman jogging with her hair pulled back, running shorts, and the CUTEST top with a little scarf from the same fabric tied and wow. It was. So wonderful, please have a wonderful day @ the lady I saw jogging yesterday.

#my characters #kitty is so funny to me cause she is absolutely used to a life of crime #shes second in command in a huge group because she actually forfeited the top command spot to her future boyfriend #and now they are exes and besties and she just really likes their criminal crew #and then she adopts a lil agent guy bc hes like a puppy and she is like listen that is my son now you cant hurt him #ANY OF YOU TRY TO HURT MY SON I HURT YOU including you rud my beloved ex current boss #and hes just like okay #and then they become a very weird messed up family of two crime bosses and a good boy #but anyway kitty is the glue that holds everything together and she commits crimes on the side of being nice #like oh sorry im late to get here i had to kill a man #but its also her getting phone calls from rud telling her sorry babe cant show up im a bit gross #and shes like oh yeah dude i get it sometimes blood just doesnt wanna hide :c ttyl smooches ily #anyway she deserves to have cute outfits and no one is gonna tell her otherwise #ALSO for those who dont know and might care shes a weeb she watches so much anime #she just ..... really likes anime and makes rud watch some shows with her during and after dating #he just goes along with it no complaints and he doesnt understand all the appeal #but it makes kitty happy so hes happy

[poisonouspastels]

I need to talk about Minecraft AU for a sec and how the difference between our world and their world makes for some of the most humorous but also interesting differences in how people act about certain subjects.

Like the trans thing right. Steve and Rana are both trans I've talked about that before. And neither of them are on hormone replacement or anything (there is an in universe explanation as to why Steve has a beard though I promise I can talk about that if anyone wants) but like that's fine bc it literally Doesn't Matter to them or anyone else. Like as spawned players they already don't have any pre-existing gender roles or ideas of what something "should" be so gender and presentation is what they make of it and there's no real solid idea in anyone's mind about how a "boy" or "girl" behaves or looks like. These are labels that exist but they barely mean anything. It also helps that any preexisting culture that WOULD have ideas of this was almost entirely destroyed like 5000 years ago (thanks Groda) so it matters even less than it already did.

And its funny bc the only two people alive from that era, White Eyes and Groda also just don't care. Groda maybe asks why Rana's voice sounds deeper once and nearly gets torn apart by Alex bc of it (Rana isn't offended or anything she just has a defensive girlfriend), bc she doesn't really understand because she never experienced anything like this first hand but very quickly comes to understand it and accept it. And on the other hand White Eyes is just like "I've seen weirder things than this" which yeah. Yeah honestly I think the person who was previously one with the undead would not care about gender in the grand scheme of things.

And then u have Kai which I've joked before that they may as well have been spawned in nonbinary. They rlly just said "I'm not really anything" and everyone was like yeah makes sense I vibe with it. Good for u.

Steve and Rana are both fairly open about having been the opposite genders previously (because that's how they view their experiences and that's valid!) and don't really shy away from the subject but also never really have much reason to talk about it since there's rarely a need to. In the modern day pretty much everyone who met them had met them post-transition. Even Alex had met them just before Steve started growing in his beard. The only people who ever knew them as Adam and Eve were Efe and Sunny but they never really thought it was weird or anything. Like the weirdest part to them was Steve saying he got his epiphany from seeing some guy in the distance on a foggy day who looked vaguely like him but that's its own subject manner that they aren't going to pry on.

Also Steve did DIY top "surgery" previously with a sword but we aren't going to talk about how messy that was for everyone involved.

#minecraft #minecraft au mastertag #apologies for my trans ramblings. how i get to approach these subject matters in the AU is just fun #and i needed to get some thoughts out #unrelated fun fact that i think most people here dont know: Steve and Alex were actually the first two to be in a committed relationship #not Steve and Rana like most would (rightfully) expect #this is because despite the fact that the two have literally know eachother for their entire lives #they're both really bad at being honest with themselves. #for years it was 'i like this person but i dont know how to tell them' #to 'well maybe i only FEEL like i like them because i dont know anyone else that well' #to 'well maybe they dont feel the same and it'd be weird to bring it up now' #you've heard of slow burn now get ready for what those two had going on #Alex when integrated into the household and months had passed actually had enough confidence to ask #here's the funny part though. she had assumed that Steve and Rana WERE dating already (and was cool with it obviously) #they were not. #so u can imagine how funny it is for Steve to hear 'Your girlfriend is pretty' out of Alex's mouth bc of that #She's more shocked that they're NOT dating already they live in the same house they've known eachother for literally their entire existence #they are like so stupidly affectionate with eachother to boot #'And you've known her for how long??' 'I mean... about 10 years?' 'DUDE.' #its actually agonizing but on the bright side it is what got the polycule started eventually #I would not be surprised if Sunny and Efe placed bets on if/when it would eventually happen

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[justinefrischmanngf]

it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!

#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated #and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen #and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when #i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship #but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it #and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen #but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them #AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person?????? #like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without #hoping it would last???????? #but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic #but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships #it’d be funny if it happened though #idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time #but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am #but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ? #and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk #i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED. #because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ??????????? #unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that. #it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho

[thewickerking]

had a dream I had a boyfriend and he wanted to come to a therapy session to talk abt smn unrelated to our relationship (this was 100% cool with me) but my therapist instantly hated him and she was like "justify to me why you're here 🤨🤨🤨 name something u like abt ridley and then maybe ill let u talk" like what 😭😭 it was just me being a mediator bc they were arguing. Which is insane it was like couples therapy but evil

#it was very strange.. the boyfriend was a completely made up guy also not anyone i know #also like. idr what it was but i wanted to talk abt it with my therapist and he was being encouraging and asked if him joining + keeping me #on track would be helpful and i said yes bc i thought it was/would be sweet and there was so much dread bc my therapist was MAD #i also remember we hadnt been dating for very long so i hadnt talked a lot abt him to my therapist prior but she was livid it was weird.. #i also was like. well. if she hates him maybe im stupid and we shouldnt be dating and maybe i should go die in a hole also #it was so strange.... hmmm. i have more thoughts now actually but that may be deeply personal.. #i will say my therapist kinda felt like my mom in the dream. i wanted her approval sooo bad. i met with my therapist today btw it was normal #like. i care what she thinks but its not as intense by any means and like. idk. i dont think im capable of having a normal therapist-patient #relationship. not bc of any therapist being bad at their job/boundaries i just get very emotionally invested in them as a person #IDK thats also complicated. maybe ill make that a different post or never talk abt it again well see. #so many thoughts in my brain but probably a bad idea to elaborate heavily. idk. maybe ill talk abt it with friends later maybe i wont 🤷‍♂️ #.ares

[lakemichigans]

i joke about brian/dom but i don't play about brian/roman. that was canon

#here's MY canon: brian and roman start dating in their late teens (after juvie) #things get weird when brian decides to be a cop. he thinks the relationship is over so he starts seeing other people #but roman didn't feel that way so its a betrayal but he still expects brian to have his back #so when he gets arrested and brian doesn't do anything to help him.. its so over #time passes and the events of the first movie take place #i don't actually think brian has feelings for dom but i do think he made him rethink his actions with roman #brian helping dom escape the cops was his way of making up for not helping rome #and then i think the real feelings for mia happened AFTER 2 fast 2 furious #now that he's not shackled by guilt and regret #💗

[needylittlegirl]

being on birth control is crazy cause i dont actually get my period every month but boy oh boy the pms and cravings still go crazy

#like ill just be violently upset and craving something so bad i want to kill for it #and because i dont have that physical sign i just Forget #like i just told my friend i’d kill for a cannoli 3 times in the span of 20 minutes #and she just went Rainy check the date. and waited for me to realize #im about a week late tho #also i think its odd that #the times im not going to actually get it #is when the other symptoms show up few days/week later #like i Know if i dont have it by the 17th im not gonna really get jt #like now! #i get it between the 14th-16th #and 17th if it aint showin up then im just gonna have awful cravings for a few days and MAYBE some cramps for a couple hours #i mean i guess that makes sense it def seems like the hormone balance and everything #like of course the month im gonna bleed is when its gonna start earlier that makes sense #its jsut weird that bodies can be so clockwork like #okay you guys dont need to know Any of this actually #if you’ve made it this far??? youre a freak. lovee you <3 #tbd

[harlequinrabbit-archive]

working on. oc stuff.

#making the lore more crazy basically lol #giving romeo a brother. who liked angel for the longest time (angel also liked him!!) but the two of them never pursued anything bc. romeo #liked angel. and they didnt wanna make it Weird. #but in the end it doesnt even matter. because now angel has two partners. while andy (romeos brother) and romeo are still like in the weird #'i love him but hes my friend' kind of thing. but romeo is more insane abt it bc romeo is an obsessive little freak. andy just gets emo over #it LOL. angel is partially aware of how they feel (mostly romeo bc it vague posts abt the situation on its blog) but angel knows hes happier #with his current boyfriends. happier than he'd ever be with either romeo or andy. (he knows that abt romeo 100%. since they DID date in the #past.) part of him does wonder what it would be like if he actually dated andy. #dear diary

[audiovisualrecall]

And maybe the solution kinda is to find a partner - romantic or qp - bc lots of that is stuff partners do for each other, and I am capable of doing the same or similar support for someone else! But having social anxiety and depression, being nb and ace and vaguely aro and overall queer af as well as adhd and autistic and awkward, plus chronic illness....

#also. unless i have a crush on the person first. someone telling me they like me/that I'm cute or asking me out gets like. #a total awkward lack of interest and lack of belief. how can they like me?? *i* like me but what about me do *they* like????? #its weird bc i like my face and my hair and my body. i just dont see why someone i have no emotional connection to would think so xD #idk what kind of aro/ace weirdness that is but yeah. #also theres like. the anxiety that they dont know abt the adhd/autistic/ace/queer side of things so how can they actually like me if #they dont Know those things abt me?? and also can i trust them with that information? are they a safe person bc i dont rlly know them well #either! and i wouldnt want to Not share those things abt me. but would it be Safe? #plus not being able to drive yet i dont want to have to rely on them or my parents or sisters to get ro and from a date yknow??? #so like. not right now. but also i need to be in an established relationship by the time my parents leave ny #lol #I'm antisocial but not in the like. 'yeah people suck' kind of way but rather in the 'im depressed and lose interest in exerting energy #for interaction very quickly sorry' kind of way #sigh

[mirohtron]

HE KNEW?! OH MY GAWD

OF COURSE CLASSICAL MUSIC IS THE WAY TO ANY GUY'S HEART

Your bsf also knew 😫🥺 Are you still as close?

HELPPP no yeah i told him bcs like the way my crush on him began was funny asf . but then like . i never told him the story . so it just stayed there super stagnant. 💀💀💀💀 we're chill tho

#theres actually also another close friend of mine i used to crush on n he knows too lmaooo but like #that was like 5yrs ago idrt he cares but he brings it up sometimes ? which is so weird because he has a gf ? and that gf is my close friend #if ure curious uhm. my crush on band boy was kind of like one of those fevers where u think its a cold u can sleep off. then u wake up and #youre just so fucking sick like ure gna die #he kept popping up in my head for no reason n 1 day i was like no ill just take a nap n ill wake up and ill get over it. but then. #i dreamt abt him. ad we went on a stupid ass date. my godddd #BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. i got sad sometimes bcs I'm emotional but it was mostly just funny #no but yeah i think we're chill but idr like him now like as a person its just bcs I'm petty and i hate my class #and hes in my class . he's probably just a good guy though #probably has something of a complex bcs he's a good singer and pianist . and I'm a mid singer and a beginner pianist and he's probably + #negatively judged me before . regardless! lmfao #bsf and i are on good terms we're not that close tho but that's bcs of a different thing LMFOAOO 💀💀💀 #asks #thats my lore tho 😍😍 and thats probably the most ill ever say bcs its personal

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

5am and I'm feeling gay and yearning

#does not help that i just finished a cute romance #and im single for the first time in years and years #this is gonns be ny first single valentines fay in fucking five years #wow that's wild. remembering all the people i spent valentines day with #shit. six years. i forgot someone. my first lonely valentines day in six years #this is also the longest ive been single since i started dating #the longest before now was like three months. im now hitting six months #thats wild to think about. ive been almost constantly in a relationship since i had my first bf #and the last three years were with the same person #idk why thats all hitting me now #i have a crush on someone but idk if its because i truly like her #or because im lonely and not used to being alone for this long. yknow? or maybe ive just been reading toi many romances lately #but christ. hitting myself with those stats. i started dating in 2018 #i started dating him in may and we broke up in june. then november 2018 i dated a guy for 8 months. i still miss him but just as a friend #we broke up in july. then i had a weird fwb thing starting in like september or october whoch lasted for a month or so #a few months maybe. idk its hard to define that shit. then in january i had a bf for like two months #and about a month after we broke up i got a gf and we dated for three years. and we just recently broke up #its weird beig single. it's hard. i dont care for it #but i refuse to get into another relationship. or try to. until i know whether i actually like her or im just lonely #hrm this post turned kinda sad. anyway irs 5am and i have a long day ahead of me. i should go to bed