#but it’s hard to get into uni when everyone is like

[corpsekiller]

𝐢 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢'𝐦 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐠) — 𝐤.𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮

PAIRING. katsuki bakugou x genderneutral!reader

WARNINGS. hurt/comfort, overuse of quirk, mentions of burns

SYNOPSIS. after pushing himself beyond his limits during training, katsuki tries to deal with the consequences of his actions on his own.

AUTHOR'S NOTE. so, i'm finally back after taking a long break from writing! i honestly didn't plan to disappear without a word, but uni and work were keeping me really busy and i just didn't find the time to write. anyway, i hope you enjoy this little fic! <3

LENGTH. will be added later!

MASTERLIST

Everything fuckin' hurts.

His skin is reddened and the palms are blistered, aching and tender to the touch as he fumbles with the first-aid kit, rummaging through the small bag for some bandages to cover his open wounds. The cold water he ran over his sore fingers did little to soothe the pain and Bakugou swallows a broken sob when he finds nothing to stop the cuts from bleeding, tries to blink away the tears that begin to blur his vision as he tosses the first-aid kit across the room and slides down the wall to his knees.

"Katsu, are you in there?"

Your voice makes him flinch. It's muffled behind the closed door, barely audible, but he can still hear the honest concern laced in every word as you call out his name a second time. His heart stumbles in his chest, a treacherous rhythm behind his ribs that begs for help and yet, he can't bring himself to reply no matter how hard he tries — his lips part, but instead of words he finds stones in the hollow of his mouth.

No sound leaves his throat.

You're so pathetic, a voice whispers. It sounds strangely like his own.

For a second, Katsuki stares at the sickeningly white tiles beneath his feet, now stained with the remnants of his blood still oozing from his hand. Deep crimson glints tauntingly back at him, the bitter affirmation of his failure to control his explosive quirk reflecting in each little drop and fuck, he feels another sob shatter his body before he can clasp his bruised hands over his mouth — it makes him want to claw right through his chest, to grab his weakness right by the fuckin' throat and twist its brittle neck to silence it for the rest of his life.

He can't.

"Fuck off," he manages to bark around the stones and buries his face in the crook of his elbow, presses his nose into the sleeve of his of his shirt to suffocate this awful desperation that threatens to climb out his throat. "I'm fine, okay? I don't need your fuckin' help."

It's dreadfully quiet on the other side of the door.

Katsuki's breath hitches in his chest and he listens, counts the seconds — one, two, three, four — but besides the sound of his own thoughts roaring in his head, he can't hear anything else and the realization that tumbles down with this observation feels like a knife being pushed slowly into his flesh.

You left, he thinks bitterly, he finally pushed you away like everyone else. And look, he gets it — for the longest time, that's all he's ever done; shoving people away and hiding behind a carefully constructed facade of unbridled anger. He's only every held out his hands to destroy, to crush and win and maybe now, his actions finally return to haunt him in his weakest moment.

It doesn't matter that he caught a glimpse of hope when he first met you, that he thought he finally found someone who'd only laugh at his harsh comments and tell him to calm down, I know you don't mean it with an amused smile—

You left anyway, he reminds himself. It's probably for the best.

Then, a sigh.

"You're so stupid," you retort on the other side of the door, though there's no bite in your insult. "I know you can handle yourself, but I'm not leaving you in this state, even if I have to sit here all night."

Your voice cracks and his name lingers on the tip of your tongue, sweet and soft, never falling from your lips. "C'mon, let me in."

Instinctively, he gives in.

"Alright," Bakugou replies hesitantly. "Come in, but don't... Just don't fuckin' laugh at me, alright." It's a pathetic attempt to hide the pain behind a mask of unjustified anger, he knows, but he can't let you see him like this without putting up a miserable fight. It feels like he's been stripped of any dignity he's been feigning to hold on the span of his broad shoulders, like he's been reduced to nothing but an incurable ache that clings to his broad shoulders like a shadow under the scorching midday sun.

He's not even sure you heard him, words barely above a whisper, but then the door opens and you enter. With careful steps, you come closer and crouch down, your knees hitting the cold tiles with a soft thud. Immediately, Katsuki slumps against the wall, caving his shoulders into himself to escape your eyes studying his face, gaze wandering over his features as your brows crease in worry.

He hates it.

And yet, he doesn't move when you wordlessly wrap your hands around his wrists and gently turn them to observe the burns littering his bruised skin. There's a certain kind of caution in the way you touch him, something so utterly gentle, as if you're fuckin' scared of hurting him and Bakugou curses your stupid display of affection — no one ever handled him with such care before.

So, he grits his teeth and tears his gaze away from you. It's just too much, the way you look at him.

"Y'know, you shouldn't push yourself like that."

He almost barks out a laugh. The sharpness of a cynical retort burns on the tip of his tongue and he opens his mouth to spit it out, but you're quick to cut him off.

"Shut the fuck up for a second, 'kay?" It's almost as if you expected him to argue. "Listen, I get it. I really do. I know why you always push yourself in every training session until you're about to pass about, why you always strive for perfection and overexert your quirk, but this... on the long run, this will only lead you to your early grave."

"You don't know shit," he snarls. Like a wounded animal, he fears kindness, yet he craves it. Touching you makes him want to pull away and yet, he stays frozen, unable to move, because the moment you let go he's sure the pain of his burns will pull him back into the abyss he's been fighting his way out of for what feels like an eternity and he—

He can't give up now.

So instead, he just studies your expression — thoughtful, gentle, concerned. He feels his face heat up as his fingers tremble in your gentle grasp, itching with the urge to fumble with something, anything in means of distraction. He doesn't mind the lack of space — in fact, he finds it almost soothing to feel how close you are, but he's so vulnerable beneath your eyes that his mind screams at him to run if it means you won't look at him in this way again.

"I'm not judging you, Katsu," you mumble, sensing his unease. Your thumb draws small circles on the inside of his wrist, right where his pulse flutters beneath his skin. "But even the best of us need a break every once in a while. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help, really."

Somehow, his shoulders relax.

"No one will judge you, I promise. So why don't we head to the nurse and let her take a look at your burns?"

It is almost instinctively that he desires to lean into your gentle touch, and remember this fragile feeling for the rest of his life — Katsuki finds a different kind of healing, now that he lets his walls crumble down in your embrace.

"Okay," he whispers and shakily pushes himself to hid feet.

#katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo x you #bakugo katuski #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugou imagine #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha x reader #bnha x y/n #bnha x fem!reader #boku no hero academia #mha x gender neutral reader #mha x reader #mha x y/n

[squirmhoney]

aegon finding his niece naked in his uni dorm ready to seduce him because she heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend or something and reader does not like that at all and needs to remind him who he belongs to!!!!

Warnings: Obsessed reader. Incest. Anal play. A lot of smut. Overstimulation. Slight angst 18+ A/N: I hope you like this, I have also see your other ideas and love all of them. Currently halfway through the secretary x Aegon one which is defo my favourite one, I can’t lie ❤️

-

Niece!reader who can’t help but feel like you’re being strung along as you sip from your red solo cup. Your gaze darkening as you watch him smile at some random girl that his friends had pushed on him. You can’t help but grow jealous, not even paying attention to the guy trying desperately hard to get flirt with you. All that you can do is stand and stare, eyes watering until you feel so sick that you have to look away.

Niece!reader not knowing what else to do as you go to Aegon’s dorm, knowing you couldn’t just storm and claim him in front of everyone. You decide to just strip yourself of your clothes, sitting on your bed as you wait for him.

Niece!reader who’s literally in Aegon’s favourite lace thong when he gets in but he’s too busy panicking and stopping his frat friends from walking in to notice. He’s making up an excuse as he pushes them out the door, waiting a good few minutes after the door has shut before he turns to you. But he gets from the sad pout and the way you’re scrunching your face up, that you’re desperately trying hard not to cry. He knows not to question your intentions or get mad at you, only cupping your face as he brings his soft lips to the top of your head.

Niece!reader who is quick to question Aegon, accusing him of bringing another girl back or doing more with her then just talking. But he’s insistent he wasn’t, being honest and telling you that he was just being nice out of courtesy and the only people that came home with him were a few fat friends he was going to hang out with.

Niece!reader who tells Aegon he needs to make it up to you with a wicked smile, laying back on the bed as you open your legs. He’s so eager as he climbs on top of you, sucking at the skin that he kisses, leaving sloppy wet marks all over your skin. It’s not till he reaches your nipple he decides to give it a slight nibble, chuckling at the way you whine and buck your hips into him. He’s telling you to be patient as he presses your back down.

Niece!reader who can’t help but wrap your thighs around his head when he eats you out. you enjoy playing with his curls, twirling him around your fingers as you moan lowly. Aegon enjoys it all too, groaning at the taste of you as he sucks and licks to his pleasure, making a meal out of you as he brings you to your first orgasm of the night.

Niece!reader who wants to show Aegon that he’ll never find anyone better, sliding onto his cock with a deep moan from his lips. you take control completely, bouncing up and down on him just the way you know he likes it, tits in his face as you begs for his cum.

Niece!reader who grows tired after a while and lets Aegon takeover, being flipped over on all floors as he pushes your face into the mattress. He teases you telling you that you’re being too loud as he slams into your back side, making you drool into the pillow in front of you as you desperately try to keep your noise to a minimum. But he was only just joking even if he doesn’t want to say anything, so to get you to start screaming again he starts to toy with your asshole, using your slick to press his thumb inside your tight hole.

Niece!reader who becomes a whimpering mess when Aegon has you in mating press. Both of you a sweaty mess as he fucks his messy ropes of cum into your hole, you start to whine about how you can’t take it anymore but he’s not having any of it, telling your this is what you wanted. You can’t deny how sensitive you are at this point and you’re sure you might pass out if you have another orgasm.

Niece!reader who’s breathing finally settles when Aegon cleans you up with a towel, making sure to be gentle as wipes the load of cum dripping from your cunt. You're both sure that if you hadn’t been on contraception that you would have been pregnant by now because clearly Aegon didn’t know anything about pulling out.

Niece!reader who’s ducks underneath the blankets when Aegon gets a knock on the door, making sure no one can see it’s you as his neighbour asks him to keep the noise down. Aegon is polite, giving them a curt nod before closing the door and returning to the bed with you. He teases you about it as he wraps his arms around you, telling you that you really need to learn to be quieter otherwise you’re going to get you both caught.

Niece!reader who wakes Aegon up with his dick in your mouth, making sure that he knows who he belongs to as you lick a long stripe all the way from his balls to his head. you know how to play with him to have him weak in the knees, taking his balls into your mouth and sucking as you give his cock long strokes. you even lets him fuck into your mouth when he gets overly excited, sticking your tongue out and letting him the back of your throat, leaving awful lewd noises to fill the room. He’s literally shaking as he cums in your mouth, watching you with a hazy expression as you swallow his whole load with a smile.

Uncle!Aegon who tries to explain to his frat friend who lives two doors down about what happened that night but doesn’t need to when his friend gives him a knowing smile, saying that they stopped by an hour later and could clearly hear that he was occupied. Aegon laughs it off as they walk to classes together, not thinking anything of it until another friend approaches him, asking what his niece was doing popping by so early this morning, he’s quick to shrug it off, only for Aegon’s friend to give him a strange look as if he was putting the pieces together.

#aegon targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen x reader #dark fic #hotd fanfic #aegon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #dark!aegon x reader #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon targaryen ii x you #aegon ii fic

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?

i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).

My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.

Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.

my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.

my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.

this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.

he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.

but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.

so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[perilegs]

ok ok as soon as i develop the ability to understand clear instructions i will have nøkk with both autopsy AND top surgery scars in my game and then it's over for me

#i'm trying so hard with the unique tav mod but the instructions for it are not for my brain #usually when ppl make instructions they refer to things and what theyre referring to is clear as day to everyone but me i feel like #like 'unpack the xyz file' ok! easy! no idea what file we're talking about! cant find a dl or mention of it anywhere else! #and after almost crying i Get It #that wasnt specific to this mod but like me modding games in general #i dont have enough modding knowledge for this shit gdvdhdbkw #i feel like i'm getting a bad grade in computer #and like. i already do that at uni can we not do that irl too #wait i lied i actually get pretty good scores on classes about computers #it's radio technology and coding that makes me shed tears #leevi liveblogs

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL ) #and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl #BUT I DUNNO STILL #sobbing #they’re pretty sweet so #hes* #OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT #dora daily #lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age #and freely saw it happen so readily #and everyone else on that blog #genuinely and utterly disappointed #it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn #this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that #🤷‍♀️ #too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out #the brain deadery of that behaviour #girl pls #you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye #e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never #told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever #not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and #telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this #lmaolmaolmao #all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️ #the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app #atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth #yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting #wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them #the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[inkykeiji]

me vs letting a piece of writing be ‘good enough’ but not perfect

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ grrrrrrrrrr

#i’m going to tear my haiiiir out #you know what it is????? aside from suffering from debilitating ocpd ofc #it’s because it’s dabi #it’s because it’s dabi’s birthday gift #and i just want it to be the very best most perfect it can be #also it’s at 9.7k now sigh #anyway every time i’m tryna rush against the clock to get something out before 11:59pm i always feel like im back in uni LMAOOOO #but anyway!!!!! sorry everyone;; sorry dabi;;;; it’s just Too Big (hahahaHAHAHAHAHA) #no but in all seriousness i’ve been editing since i got home from the doctors and im only on page 7 oUT OF 25 sooooooooo #it’ll be a day late <3 #this has been clari with the updates #my therapist says i have to talk nicer to myself but goddamn it’s so hard when i’m just like !!!!!!!! LEAVE IT!!!!!! it’s fine!!!!!!! #and ocpd goes iTS NOT IT MUST BE PERFECT EVERY LINE MUST BE PERFECT NOW OBSESSIVELY GO OVER IT >:( #i’m working on resisting that voice no matter how much anxiety and terror it causes me #aaaaah

[running-in-the-dark]

well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night

today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)

the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)

but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.

and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)

and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)

#it'd just be so fucking nice if I could just.. have a break #it's just been nonstop awful shit since my dad's cancer diagnosis in 🤔 2015. I'm sorry but that's too long. I can't do it anymore. I just #need some damn time to fucking calm down #like yeah any outsider would probably look at my life and think 'well you haven't actually DONE anything in like 6 years' #yeah that's true #but I've also been sick and/or in pain pretty much since 2018. and some of that was fixed last year when I had my gallbladder removed but i #is still not good. first of all that did not work out so well for me. but also everything else is still not right and no one cares and I #just don't have the energy to fight to get a diagnosis #I'm just so tired #I really thought I'd just. go to uni. get my degree in 3 years like expected. get a job. move out. have a normal life FINALLY for the first #time ever #and NONE of that fucking happened #EVERYTHING WENT WRONG. again and again and again #and I am just. so. tired. I can't. I can't do it. #it feels so fucking pathetic to be like 'my life is soooo hard everyone feel bad for me' when there is just. objectively not that much wron #but it just. never. stops. #I've never had a fucking moment to just. sit down. and think. and make decisions about my life. everything just. happens to me #I just. feel so lost and stuck and doomed and it won't fucking get better! it won't! my life got better ONE TIME and it has been pure hell #since then #like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over #I'll never have a choice. not really. I fucked up my life permanently when I dropped out of school at 18 and tbh I wish I would've just bee #brave enough to do what I really wanted then (killing myself) #because fuck. this is not worth it #literally everyone I love is either really fucking far away or just. fictional. #I have no close relationships with anyone irl #everyone I know irl is mean and kind of an asshole. and I'm too useless to meet new people. #I just. I don't want to survive anymore I want to live but I can't have that so. what's the goddamn point #its gonna be fine. because I'm a fucking coward so I'll never do it anyway. but I fucking wish I could

[everony]

I hate being complimented for my independence or initiative because I'd rather do things myself than ask for help.

Like, wtf do I say? How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?

"Thanks, it's a trauma response" ????????

#autistic #adhd #i dont understand how neurotypicals can see someone whos clearly struggling to get everything done but not asking for help #and just go 'wow i wish my kids were like that' #like no??????? you dont?????? #its called hyperindependence babe #it comes from growing up with an undiagnosed mental disorder and learning disability #and it means that its physically hard for me to ask for help #not because i dont want to ask for help for macho bro reasons #but because i was considioned early that even when i ask for help im not gonna get any #because clearly im just not trying hard enough #add on social anxiety and you have another mess entirely #so now im an adult who just doesnt ask for help even when im struggling because for most of my life i was told that i dont need help #i just need to put more effort into whatever im doing #this still happens too #3/4 of the time when i ask for help im ignored #either because people are aware that i *can* do it despite me asking because i dont have *the time to do it* #or because everyone else understood and did it without help so clearly im just not trying #i nearly lost it at one of my uni professors when they told me to 'just try again' when the first thing i told them #was that id spent the last 8 hours trying and struggling because im not understanding what im doing wrong

[minglana]

need an irl lesbian/lgbt community for real

#im feeling so isolated lately. from everyone my age but especially from queer ppl in my community #i have no idea what i can do to stop feeling like this without outing myself to my parents #i know that wanting a community involves getting out of ur house but that would be extremely hard to explain #to my parents when i basically never step foot outside the house except to buy groceries and leave for uni #z xarre

[dykemerrilll]

trying to remind myself that i don’t want to be in a grad programme, it’s not what i want to do with my life, and given that my 2-year-plan is to figure out what i want to do a phd in and apply for that, it’s not a good use of my time to be in a grad programme anyway, and yet as the deadlines approach and i haven’t put applications together i still feel a creeping sense of terrible dread

#HATE that like everyone i know from uni is on the same career pipeline #it makes it so hard to envision any life outside of corporate drudgery #or academia. which. is getting closer and closer to corporate drudgery but with books anyway #i prommy i’ll stop venting one of these days #i just remake my tumblr every time my life is in crisis mode and delete it when i get my shit together again #and the shit is currently very much apart

[captainadwen]

Made a joke in a fic and now I feel urge to follow through and write the og story

#the joke is in the 1/2 prince au #uh spoilers for next ch again #lpm is protagonist of the hit jnovel “my father is the last boss of a hidden dungeon” #u just know the type with like reincarnation or transmigration or time travel and like face slapping etc etc #mostly they bore me #so i thought #how WOULD i write this so that i enjoy #the anwer is to play it straight no memories whatnot or face slapping #everyone in the “dungeon' is just a retired force of the evil lord / big boss who follows their own boss (the dad) into retirement #the mom is miss Not Dead/Dramatically Absent. she is another boss and wields a mace #the final boss main attack is (after 20 years of child care) inescapable dad chats #the protag went off to uni trying to improve tourism or economy or whatever but its hard when you live in a hidden dungeon #where everyone beats up intruders as soon as they are spotted #the big boss is not dead either he is trying to get a struggling music career off the ground #its hard bc hes like 50s/200s and all the labels only want to sign hot teenagers #if there is a traditional reincarnation/ty/transmigration it is not the protag but like. a love interest #og story ideas

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#srry to be all vent posts and no art but the stress is high rn #i feel a little better now. i forgot how much i love working with the culture collection #i go in when theres no one there and i just spend a few hours listening to podcasts as i move slime from tube to tube #it forces me to do one thing bc once i start i cant stop. i just like it a lot. i havent done for like the last 2 semesters bc we had the #money to pay a student to do it. and at the time i was in the thick of taking photosynthesis measures and it was causing me a lot of pain #and transfering was like the one lab task i liked to do so it felt like i was being punished. i could no longer do the thing most aligned #with my interests. and i just let it go bc in my brain im not allowed to do things that i enjoy. if i enjoy it its not hard enough. #so i just let it go. and let myself be crushed under the weight of things i don't enjoy and now here we r #a little light has returned to me #and its not all bad. i am looking forward to giving a lecture next week. i like communicating info to others and deciding what to talk abt #ill try to make it fun. if i have the time. and im looking forward to my meeting tomorrow morning. everyone ive met with so far does really #cool research. id be happy to wind up anywhere. but if i get into the big scary uk uni then i have to go there bc the project is so perfect #i dont dare get my hopes up. and tho my interview today wasnt the best i learned some really cool things by talking to the guy and im more #prepared moving forward. #however i did agree to make both my sisters sticker sheets for xmas and that is gonna take so much time i might die. so ya kno rip #but like i said. not all bad. #unrelated

[ivystitches]

i’d heard so much about how rory is kinda insufferable in the later seasons, but why didn’t anyone warn me about lorelei

#why does she behave like a child? #why does everyone treat jess like that? #why is she always so fucking childish with her parents #rory wanted to goto harvard so she just didn’t apply any other place? and then when her dad said that ivy leagues are difficult to get into #and lorelei doesn’t know how hard these admissions can get #and all of that is true!! rory could still get rejected because everyone else applying is just as perfect as her #i don’t really understand i barely liked lorelai in season 1 #and i just can’t bring myself to like her afterwards #she’s so immature #and she behaves like the child in the relationship #‘my daughter is my best friend’ but she shouldn’t be? you should be her mother? you could be your daughter’s best friend #but your daughter shouldn’t be your best friend at that age #like she’s what 14 when the show starts #at least wait until she goes to uni #and what was that with when chris is having a baby with his gf #why were they so mad at him #he didn’t wanna same the mistakes he used to! why is that a sin in their books?! #lorelai is understanding towards everyone but her parents also #the only person i’m rooting for in this show is emily gilmore #also sookie i love her so much #gilmore girls

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

last

for realsies

#HELLO IM VENTING AGAIN IM SO SORRY #i am sick of everything the usual but i just need some fucking therapy and my diagnosises are taking too long because the system is shit #over here and i feel like i am a literal walking disaster a hazard to myself are my meds even working anymore idk? someone needs to lock me #in a fucking wardrobe before i loose my shit and do something stupid as fuck at least im self aware ok were growing this is called growth #wow ok amazing spectacular #like tonight ive decided i hate everyone again i want to quit uni actually might do it this time i just applied for a random job for no #reason i have a job but if i have 2 then i can over work myself to the max so i dont have to go into uni #i have three weeks off so now im cutting everyone off who knows how long this episode is gonna last for #i am loosing my god damn mind i do not want to do anything everything is so hard why is everyone so pressuring #i stopped doing some of my stupid habbits but now im just going full circle again so im thriving rn live love laugh am i right guys or what #AND WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A THERPAIST WHO CONTACTS ME ITS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER U FUCKING BITCH GO FUCK URSELF #anyway im in huge amounts of pain too idk what i do in my sleep or something but my shoulders hurt so bad #i hate wet tags on clothes when they stick to you throws up actually #i had stale fucking garlic bread today and i want to move out but if i move out then things will get worse for me #why cant i maintain a normal friendship without loosing my mind and hating everyone i mean no one knows my friends are pretty good with me #they understand but i dont know #ive come to the conclusion that i am just a shit

[mistninja]

Being and immigrant really fucked up my social skills. That and the pandemic have really affected my ability to make friends, i feel like i havent been able to connect deeply with anyone in 5 years

#personal #all my friends are somewhere else #my venezuelan friends arent even in venezuela anymore most of them also left the country and its like #i have no home to go back to where my friends are #then i moved cities so now my friends in manaus are also away #i cant hang out with my two best friends one is in costa rica the other is 6h away #and my uni friends are nice but i cant seem to get close to them #i used to always naturally been part of a group i never had to like. earn a place inside the circle #but now is like im on the margins of every group of friends #ugh #also the language barrier is still a thing like 5 years here and i still stumble and its so embarrasing #insert the modern family woman saying 'you guys dont know how smart im in spanish' #like i know i sound dumb. #my tongue still isnt used to some portuguese sounds and i have a thick accent and everyone always mentions it #and i have to repeat myself or take time to find the words #its hard getting close to people when half the time you cant even express yourself and sometimes i just dont get what they mean #sorry. i needed to vent #im feeling a bit lonely