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#but it’s all the stuff that motivated me outside of work that’s still gonna be missing for a long time

ask-funnybunnydoll · 24 hours

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Hi!

I think I have to move on.

You may have noticed that all of a sudden my posts have become less and less frequent. That's not on purpose I simply don't have the motivation to keep this ask blog going. I made this blog at the peak of my TADC hyperfixation because I knew it would give me the boost to work. At the start I made like, what? 2 a day, wowzas! Then it became like every other day posts. It's not that I don't enjoy the blog, the ship, the asks. Hell, the asks were the best part of this, I love just seeing what you guys come up with for these three and I get to do the even more fun part of drawing the answer.

But I still have no motivation to keep this going. And I have fixated on something else if you follow my main.

So, thank you for being here and still liking my posts even if I hadn't posted often. This was the most fun I've had and being my first ask blog I ever created just makes it more important to me.

I probably won't ever revive this blog but I'll keep it open for you. And if you want to see what the story I originally planned out was gonna be then check below the cut! Or if you wanna stay curious and theorize then just scroll by. Thank you again, hope ya have a great day and year. I hope my shit was at least okay to you.

I'm not gonna lie. Most of the stuff was just created along the way of drawing. I was like, huh this would be cool let's add that in. And ofc I didn't get to any juicy lore in this but it would've been rushed because I didn't plan beforehand... which you probably could tell xd

For Pomni, here's the plot twist: she's dead and her conscience was updated into the game to keep her somewhat alive. She worked in the place that created the game, she even took part in putting people in there. The entire game was just an expirement to test if immortality was possible, but of course.. everyone goes insane in there so they have to keep on and keep on trying with more and more people to get anywhere. They wait until someone goes to edge of absolute insanity and that's when they take them out of the game, their bodies are still kept alive and they go back to normal. They forget everything that happened while in the game. For Pomni she died just after her conscience was converted to the game, for others they were forced to go while alive. Who killed Pomni? Well, her boss, the head of the experimentation. Why? Idk 😭

For Jax, I gave him a dark story. He was isolated in his home and kept away from the outside world, which is why he lacks empathy, because he simply doesn't know how to feel that way when he never really had knowledge of emotions outside or even inside his home. His father was emotionally and physically ab4sive so.. that didn't help. He latched onto his mother the most but they never saw eachother often. That's all I had for him in mind.

For Ragatha, she lived in the country on her own land with her husband. Yup! She had a husband and a daughter too. Husband was a total jerk and she couldn't leave because she didn't want their kid to experience separated parents. She's a doll in the game because it resembles the doll she made for her daughter.

I also had some plot that I made up in my mind. Like.... Pomni at the end would be the last one alone in the digital circus. That being since she's dead she would just be yknow. Dead if she left the game. Jax and Ragatha leave but only because Pomni forces them. Again don't know how, I probably would have made it up while I went along with the story. So, Pomni is just there alone, with Caine. And she lives like that for eternity. She doesn't go insane anymore and it isn't as lonely as it used to feel like. It would feel like home kind of. But she would be there, longing for her partners forever unless she decides one day to just. Yknow, die..

Also since Jax and Ragatha would forget everything after they leave the game, they just don't remember they were in a relationship and would live their lives like before. Sad and lonely.

Goodness, I forget I make the most sad stories ever sometimes 😭

#thank you #anyway who wants to go get angel food cake 😍😍

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primaviva · 7 months

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ICKS

PAIRINGS: gwen stacy, miles morales (42 included) hobie brown, pavitr prabhakar, miguel o’hara x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: things that give the teens and adults major icks from their girlfriends and crushes.

WARNINGS: mentions of toxic traits within relationships such as controlling behavior, privacy and boundary violations, etc. also not proof read !!

— GWEN STACY

to start, gwen is pretty easy going so it would take a lot for her to get the ick from her girlfriend or a girl she likes

PRIVACY: gwen wants her privacy and she will definitely start grimacing at you when you don’t respect her need for alone time or give her space when she wants.

this is like a definite turn-off for her and a major ick because she wants someone who will support her even from a distance and if you keep tryna force her out of her time alone… yeah you gotta go in her mind

TERRITORIAL: it’s not that gwen doesn’t like a jealousy moment. if she sees you death staring at someone who’s looking at her or tryna flirt with her while you’re right next to her because she loves when you get all sassy or jealous. she finds it cute.

buuuut that’s completely different from toxic jealousy like borderline territoriality. gwen does not want someone on her case 24/7. she will get the ick if she notices you constantly blowing up her phone. gwen has a life that she balances outside of being ghost spider and if you are spamming her texts when she just wants to hang w her friends and not you just for a moment then congrats cus she’s sticking her tongue out turning green ICK!!

EFFORT: gwen wants her partner to be motivated and just try for things instead of doing the bare minimum or something close to that.

example. if you wear sweats to dates or just basic outfits that look like you don’t care or show up a mess and you don’t have a real reason for it. she gets that life can be hard and she’s had a fair share of just putting on clothes for the sake of getting dressed. however, if you just do that just cus you don’t care you will have her so irritated. gwen is a fashion girl and is always trying to look good and attractive to you when she gets dressed for dates and if you always showing up lookin like adam sandler for the murder mystery movie premiere then i'm sorry but it’s not gonna work for her at all

“how did i come dressed in multiple layers of clothing and jewelry but you somehow, someway came to the conclusion to wear a soccer moms everyday work clothes? you can’t be doing this to me.”

RESPECT: gwen does not want a girlfriend who’s gonna act all high maintenance or try to make her do things she doesn’t want. if you’re always trying to change her or peer pressure her to do stuff that isn’t her personality she will start getting mad at you

example. she tells you that she isn’t comfortable with obvious pda yet you try to kiss her in public anyway

if you don’t respect how she feels as an equal then she can't be with with you it’s that simple

LEGALITY AND MORALITY: gwen wouldn’t be able to deal with someone who breaks the law that’s not for the good of others or does things they shouldn’t be doing. she would get the ick if her girlfriend smoked, did drugs, shoplifted, etc.

she would not get the ick per say just from seeing you smoke but gwen’s dad raised her by the book and she wouldn’t feel too comfortable being with her girlfriend or crush who does stuff she was raised to say is bad

unless you smoke or do other things for stress relief, she would be understanding but still try and get you out of it just for your own sake. but if you do stuff just to do it then it’s a bit of a dealbreaker for her. gwen will not have a girlfriend who’s face is posted on the door of fine fare cus she was caught shoplifting paper plates

MUSIC: this really isn’t an ick but if you have music taste she deems bad… and that’s gonna take a lot considering that gwen listens to everything but country like you would have to be born and raised in ohio for her to get the ick because of your playlists

and this wouldn’t be a deal breaker because she would gladly put you on with songs but if you disrespect her taste in music like that may be her third biggest turn-off after privacy and respect.

if you have even one country song on the playlist she might start violently convulsing

she’s a drummer so rock and alternative music is rooted in her passion so if her girl didn’t like her music taste or her bands music she would struggle a bit…. a lot

and if we talk about ICKS she can’t even say anything because she probably chews with her mouth open and gets her hands dirty cus this woman eats fast food crazy. she would hate it if you said cringe stuff in like a non satire way like if she caught you saying sum like “not in my christian minecraft server”

“babe, it’s 2023… not 2018 so don’t make me break up with you, okay?”

to summarize, gwen icks at if her girlfriend or crush doesn’t like her music taste because she can’t deal with someone who doesn’t appreciate something she’s passionate about, she doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy and controlling of her whereabouts especially if you don’t know she’s spiderwoman or she’s just wants to hang with her friends, she needs someone who will respect her privacy and her boundaries, she doesn’t want someone who she knows her dad will not like for their bad actions, and she wants someone who tries just as hard as her in what they do.

— HOBIE BROWN

hobie is another one where it’s hard to give him the ick

BOUNDARIES: he doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy or attached to his side. hobie wants his partner to have their own life and he can recognize when it’s unhealthy that two people in a relationship are closing themselves off to their friends for the sake of being together every moment. this also goes hand in hand with if all you want to do is has sex with him because to him, it’s more than just a high libido but you’re just using him physically. and don’t get him wrong he is just fine with a partner with a high libido but a constant demand for sex… he’s gonna raise an eyebrow.

“can ya like not try and claw my clothes right off for a minute? damn.”

but if he tells you something and you do it anyway it’s a total ick for him when he gives you something you’re supposed to respect but don’t.

example. if he asked for time alone to be absorbed in his own music cus it’s what he needs and you ignore it to do the exact opposite… very off-putting and weird to him

COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to hobie. he thinks it’s very important that partners comunícate their issues to each other or else it just leads to problems along the way

that being said, hobie hates it when you don’t tell him something. not in the sense that something happened to you and you won’t open up about it because he would never force that information out of you. however, if something is wrong and you just choose not to tell him? he absolutely hates that. it would just hurt him if you didn’t trust him to speak your mind or feel comfortable enough, especially since he’s always there for you

he will hate it even more when you lie to him like that’s a borderline deal breaker if you are constantly lying or doing half lies

IMMORAL: he doesn’t want somebody who has a bad moral compass and chooses to do bad things. and bad things don’t mean bad choices, it means someone who steals from others who are struggling themselves, someone who is rude to people for no reason, etc.

this is also related to if his girl is unfaithful as in if she flirts with others, entertains other guys or girls, and if she outright cheats or sleeps with someone else

this is a definite “you gots to go” situation

BORING: hobie is always tryna have fun and live in the moment and if the girl he likes or is dating can't do that then the relationship is doomed.

“ya gotta stop bein’ a downer on the mood doll. learn to live a little for once in yer life, yeah?”

by boring, i mean someone who can’t let loose and try to have fun. if you are super uptight, overly critical, or just don’t get his sense of humor or even have one then he’s gonna get the ick because he doesn’t want someone killing his vibe by taking everything too seriously or refusing to try and live a little

he also doesn’t want a drama queen like if you do way too much… yeah no

MUSIC: similar to gwen, if you don’t like his music taste he’s not sure if he will be able to continue the relationship

yes, this sounds like a big deal but you have to understand that music is a big part of his life and is one of his passions. it’s one thing to simply not be into rock and even that he’s iffy on, but for you to dislike it completely or drag it on? hobie wouldn’t be able to stand it

to summarize, hobie needs someone who’s gonna understanding his passion for music like him, he also doesn’t want someone who’s immoral and actively makes bad choices that they don’t need to, he also wants someone who can communicate to him as well as respects what he communicates back, and he desires someone who can match his energy

— MILES AND MILES G. MORALES

miles knows the type of people he wants around him so if he saw his girlfriend or crush doing any of these things he would definitely get the ick

MORALS: if you are objectively a bad person like just being mean for no reason, making offense joke (racism, transphobia, body image, etc) and passing it as your “sense of humor” or just literally anything where you are actively trying to disrupt someone’s peace he is literally fake vomiting at you

example. you see a girl wearing a perfectly fine outfit, not something crazy looking or anything, and make a rude comment involving her normal sense of style, body, looks, etc he is just turned all the way off

miles doesn’t want someone with an ego or someone who doesn’t show empathy for others so…ICK

NEEDY: miles wants a girl who is independent and has her own interests. so if his girlfriend or crush is always trying to hang out with him when he is trying to do his own thing or link with friends of his own but they won’t leave him alone? yeah it won’t work out.

he likes it when he knows his girl can take care of herself, even if he does like to play the protective role. but miles also knows that he has to balance life as a superhero, boyfriend, son, and friend to those around him and if you just make that more hard for him then he will get frustrated with the clinginess when he just wants to spend time with his loved ones. to an extent, he thinks a clingy girlfriend is cute! but overdoing it is just annoying and in a way takes away his own freedom to do things he wants.

example. his crush or girlfriend constantly trying to be next to him no matter what, especially in public when they are with friends or if they are both invited to a hangout and miles says he won’t go so his girl says she won’t go either just because he isn’t going (not because you know no one there, but only because miles isn’t doing it)

TRUST: trust is a big thing for miles. he wants to be vulnerable with his girlfriend and also be able to confide in her as well as get that same treatment back. if miles notices that you don’t have his back as much as you should, he will get a weird feeling from it but also very irritated because he feels he is there for you and as a girlfriend you should be giving the same energy back— if not more.

this also includes lying. miles hates it when you lie to him even if it’s a half lie or the “bended” truth. he takes it as a sign of dishonesty and that you may not be as loyal as he thought. he also counts lying as if you don’t tell him something and brush it off by saying everything is fine with you when it clearly isn’t.

“i don’t know why you saying you good when you clearly have a problem. you can talk to me, you know that right?”

it would physically kill him if you pulled a “well…” and then said nvm because that’s something he hates the most cus now he’s gonna be wondering what it was until you tell him. it will haunt him.

PRESSURE: miles doesn’t want to be pressured into doing things or guilt tripped. sometimes he doesn’t feel like going on a date or hanging out, but if you make him feel a certain way for choosing to be indoors and reading he will feel bad and force himself to do whatever you wanted to do. he doesn’t want that.

miles wants to feel comfortable in his relationship with you and doesn’t want to feel like he needs to conform to your needs and wants in fear that it will distort the idea you have of him. he doesn’t want to be taken away from his hobbies and interest that give him peace from the chaotic lifestyle he has, meaning that he really values his alone time to just be with himself.

DIRECTNESS: miles does not want to chase you and get down on his knees just for you to be honest or say how you feel. he also doesn’t what you to feel pressured but at the same time will get a little frustrated if you can’t open up to him even if he does understand. at the same time, miles doesn’t want you doing the silent treatment, playing mind games, or trying to make him jealous. that is one of his define icks because why are you purposely trying to ruin his mood and be petty?

BAD ATTITUDE: he hates it when you go out of your way to be disrespectful to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

example. his girlfriend or crush is rude to other people for the sake of looking “badass” while he tells you to just chill

and if you talk bad on your mama? if you just talk bad on your family when they don’t deserve it in general…it’s a definite ick because of how important his family is

example. if you have a mom or female guardian in your life and call them out of their name, make disrespectful comments, etc when they do simple things that annoy you instead of genuinely causing you distress or harm

“who gave you the audacity to talk about ya moms like that? she does a lot for you so you better chill with that. c’mon now she don’t deserve allat.”

it’s a major ick for him.

to summarize, miles wants a girlfriend that is there to support him whether it means being physically with him or allowing him the space he needs. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to stress him out on purpose, do things he doesn’t agree with morally, make him question his trust, and play with his feelings. AND RESPECT YOUR PARENTS.

— PAVITR PRABHAKAR

AFFECTION: pavitr is very physically affectionate and just shows his love very up-front. if he tries to hug you, hold your hand, or even touch you just a little and you give a almost disgusted reaction it definitely gives him the ick. and not in the sense that you are uncomfortable with physical touch, but if his girlfriend seems annoyed by him trying to show his love it definitely turns him off a little. not listening to him, not making an effort to talk to him, etc. it’s like when you go to hug someone and they try to close themself off mid hug and back away jus because…

example. pavitr laughs really hard at something his girlfriend says and goes to give her a playful touch but instead he sees her giving him a glare for laughing so loud before telling him to quiet down and backs away from his grasp

PESSIMISTIC: he doesn’t always expect you to be happy go lucky about life because if anyone knows that not every day is a happy one— it’s him. however, if you are constantly negative and bringing down happy moments for him or good news by the potential bad that can come from it or just always complaining? you’re basically killing his vibe and the last thing pavitr wants is to have a girlfriend that won’t be a energy vampire and will support him wanting to look on the bright side. he is spiderman after all it’s literally his job to give hope and he will try to inspire you but if he finds that his crush his continuously complaining or being negative when there is no need he will start to be turned off by the behavior.

he tries to start each day positive and be a light at the end of the tunnel for others who see him trying even after a bad day and if you aren’t with that you gotta go

“how come is it that every time something good is happening, your first thought is to say the worse thing that comes to mind? i think you may be struggling with something..”

BORING: this doesn’t mean boring in the sense that pavitr girlfriend or crush isn’t fun, but boring as in she tends to be lazy/a shut-in and doesn’t want to go out much. he is fine with staying in but he wants a girl who is gonna put just as much effort into seeing him as he is going to being the hopeless romantic he is. he definitely gets frustrated if you have a nonchalant attitude or don’t care about things because he feels like you should always work hard in what you do even when it comes to things in your personal life.

example. he wants to take you out but you rather stay inside and watch a movie even though you two haven’t went out in a while

EXES: this is a definite turn off if you talk about exes too much and not even in a way where you open up about possible trauma/hardships you endured but reminiscing certain times, discussing talking stages before you both got together, and such. he feels like if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t praise an ex person you were romantically affiliated with. he doesn’t just find it awkward, but also a little disrespectful and shameless to just do it in-front of him.

it also makes him feel insecure and overthink like, “there must be a reason she’s bringing this up.” he’ll also get irritated if he brings up that he finds it weird/rude and in response you basically downplay it.

DISORGANIZED: pavitr would hate if you had a messy room. he feels like peoples rooms and houses are a reflection of who they are, so if you’re messy? yeah, no. and i don’t mean the type of mess where you were busy and stuff has been moved around and not cleaned up yet, depression bed, but full on sloppy and borderline hoarding. he could not deal with that and i can imagine him beginning to frantically circle your room and offer you free assistance if it’s that bad.

“are you sure you’re gonna clean this later? and what does later mean to you because-“

to summarize, pavitr wants somebody who is gonna be on the same positive wavelength he is, tries to make the most out of every day, remains respectful and affectionate, and puts effort into how they carry themself.

— MIGUEL O’ HARA

BAD LISTENER: something that will turn this man off almost immediately is not being good at listening to him, comforting him, and everything that has to do with this man’s trauma. miguel wants somebody who is gonna be a shoulder to cry on even if he won’t actually cry often. he wants someone who is listen to him and just let him dump his thoughts without putting any of the weight on you. but if you’re bad a listening it’s definitely gonna get on his nerves.

example. miguel is venting to you about gabi and how he feels that he failed her as a father and protector but when he looks up to see your face, he notices you aren’t paying attention by how clouded your eyes look— almost as of you’re thinking of something else entirely.

if his girlfriend or someone he has romantic interest in did that, his heart would shatter and if he showed any sort of change in emotion on his face in the silence you could probably swear you hear the pieces hitting the ground. it’s very important to him to have someone to talk to because his group of people who support him has gotten shorter and shorter throughout the years.

JUDGMENTAL: miguel hates a know-it-all. he doesn’t want to open up to someone who he feels will be critical of what he likes, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his choices and mistakes, etc. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to make drama out of nothing and just play games with him by saying stuff just to get a rise out of him. will it work? yes. does he hate it and it gives him an ick that you’re trying to get him angry on purpose knowing how he is? absolutely.

CLINGY: he is a bit hesitant to physical touch even when being touch starved. miguel makes it very clear that he does not want to be overly attacked with affection or forced into being affection because he father eases his way into it and basically take things slow. however, if you try to pressure him into being physically affectionate or just cling to his side he will definitely get annoyed.

he wants you to respect when he wants space or time to himself, and you showing that support and allowing him that is basically a silent blessing to him.

POOR COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to miguel. and not communication in terms of talking to him regularly and he gets mad at you of you don’t talk to him, because while that can be the case sometimes if he notices you avoiding him, it’s more so about talking to him.

“you know, i feel like a babysitter talking to a noisy kid that still doesn’t know how to listen to when they’re being talk to.”

example. he notices you acting off and asks you about it but instead of saying a genuine answer you make up a lie or completely shrug it off, which prompts an argument because he confronts you for not talking to him

miguel would never force you to open up, but he also doesn’t want you to lie. if there is truly something wrong, he at least wants you to voice that instead of lying and saying everything is fine because it creates distrust and other underlying problems. a simple “i don’t want to talk about it” would keep him at ease and he would offer you anything to make you feel better. however, if you go out of your way to not communicate well with him especially during arguments than he will begin to get the ick

example. you and him get into an argument and after it you decide to ignore him which he views as childish and petty as it causes a rift between you two.

DIRECTNESS: similar to miles, miguel wants his girlfriend to be straightforward with how she feels. he doesn’t wish for her to sugarcoat things just to try and ease his mind because to him that feels like bending the truth and taking away a layer of what you really want to say. he doesn’t want you to be “childish” when addressing problems in the relationship and he will set you straight or he sees you acting this way while he’s trying to communicate with you.

but if he can’t persuade you the act different as well as handle things better and you can’t bother to change, that will be the end of the relationship to him. biggest ick of icks for him.

also random but he also as icks linked to the self image of his partner. he would be an angrier man if you had bad hygiene, kept apologizing 24/7, and doubted yourself most of the time similar to nice guys who are just self pitying. even if you aren’t self pitying… his reaction is still the same.

“ay mamita, have some dignity please.”

to summarize, miguel wants a partner who is going to support him no matter what he needs to do and to ground him. but he isn’t looking to keep someone around him who is constantly neglecting his emotional needs, critical of his personal experiences, making his life harder by disrespecting boundaries and not wanting to communicate with him, and ultimately doing too much than needed.

DO NOT STEAL, COPY, OR TRANSLATE MY WORK. ALL WRITING IS @PRIMAVIVA.

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multi-fandomlovers-world · 9 months

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141+Konig And Alejandro Taking Their S/O To A Luxury Hotel Resort

TW: SFW, NFSW, Implied Sex

Not my gifs--------All supported by Tumblr

Requested By: @tfforever

N/A: These are all kind of the same, my motivation has been running low again 😭, I'm so slow. I hope you all like it!

Warnings: Explicit Content, Minors DNI, Strong Language, MDom, Soft Dom,Daddy Kink, Kissing, Praise, L-Bombs, Oral Sex, Fingering, Eating Pussy, Blowjobs, Dirty Talk, Light Degrading, Spanking,Multiple Orgasms, Missionary, Doggystyle, Cowgirl, Mating Press, Against The Window, Unprotected Sex, P n V

Reblogs And Comments Are Highly Appreciated!!! :)

Simon "Ghost" Riley:

Simon had taken some time off from work and organized a week for you two to get away and go to a luxury hotel. You were stunned by how beautiful the place was and how much stuff was there. Once you and Simon reached the hotel room, you looked outside and had a beautiful view, overlooking the city and pools down below. "Si, you did all this? You didn't have to do all this", You said, looking up at him and giving him a warm smile. "I know but I wanted to. I thought this would be a good surprise plus it's nice getting away from work. I have everything handled here, ok love?", Simon said, with a soft smile and pulled you closer to him, making your back lightly touch the wall. "Thank you, Si", You said, with a smile. He gave you a soft smile. Before saying anything more, you pulled Simon down by his shirt and kissed him deeply, which made him wrap his arms around you. He groaned lightly as he tapped your thigh, making you jump into his arms and lay you down on the bed.

-time skip-

The heated kiss turned into a make out session then to you two taking each other's clothes off. Simon was kissing every inch of your body and kissing your thighs, making them part. You moaned as he threw your legs over his shoulder and began licking your clit with his tongue. "That's it, baby. Moan for me. Let me hear how good I'm making you feel", Simon said, continuing to flick his tongue against your clit before entering a finger inside you, causing you to moan louder. Your hand was running his hair and the other was tugging lightly at the sheets. "Ahhh! Simon.. I'm gonna-",You said, arching your back and tugging lightly at Simon's hair. "That's it. Cum on my face baby",Simon said, as he continued to lick and finger your pussy. You came seconds later and he hummed as he cleaned you up. "Good fucking girl. You taste so good", Simon said, as he cleaned you up and made his way up to your lips, making you taste yourself against him. He was right, you did taste good. "You're in for a wild night, baby. I'm gonna make you scream my name and cum so much that the people next door will hear us", Simon said. He was right, you were in for it.

John "Soap" Mactavish:

John decided to surprise you by coming home early and taking you to a luxury hotel for the week. He thought this would be a good surprise for you and him. Once arriving at the hotel and getting checked in, you got an amazing view overlooking the mountains and pools below. You got into the hotel room and looked over at John, who dropped his bag, looked up at you with a smile. "Baby, this is incredible. You did all this for us? I can't thank you enough I-", You said, before John pressed his lips against yours. "You don't have to thank me, lass. I wanted to do this for us, plus I figured this would be a good break from work and I get to be with the love of my life", John said, with a smile, as he grabbed onto your hips and held onto you. "I love you, Johnny so much", you said, as you began to kiss him again. "I love you too, Bonnie. So much", John said, as he kissed you back and held onto you. You began to back him up and push him onto the bed, which made him grunt lightly. He bit his lip, watching you as you climbed on top of him and started making out with him.

-time skip-

Some time had passed since making out with John. You were still on top of him but at this point, you were riding him, and moaning. John had his arms wrapped around you and sat up slightly, so he could hold you closer to him. He gripped your ass and then with his other hand, he began to rub your clit, causing you to moan louder. "Ahh... Fuck yeah. You feel so fucking good, lass", John said, moaning lightly and began kissing your breasts, leaving small marks on your chest and stomach. Your moans, as well as the skin slapping, echoed throughout the room but you didn't care if anyone heard you. "Ahh! Ahh John.. oh my god", you said, moaning and throwing your head back. "Ahh.. Cum for me, baby. You're doing so well for me. Keep cumming on my cock", John said, leaving small hickies on your body as you began to cum on his cock, leaving him groaning. "Good fucking girl. I'm gonna keep making you cum on my cock and make everyone knows how good your getting fucked", John said, as he had you lay down and climbed on top of you. He kissed you softly. You were in for a long night and let's just say, everybody heard you.

John "Captain" Price:

John wanted to surprise you with reservations at a luxury hotel for a week. He thought this would be a good surprise but he wanted to step away from work for a bit, since he's always working. The hotel overlooked the city,as well as the pools below. Once reaching the hotel room, you helped John get the suitcases into the room as well as your bag then walked over to see the view of the city. It was gorgeous. "John, this view is incredible. You really didn't have to do all of this. I would've been fine staying home", you said, looking up at him. "I know but I wanted to do this for us. I needed a break from work and besides, let me spoil you. I want us to have a wonderful time here. I love you y/n", John said, cupping your face with his hands and giving you his soft, warm smile. You smiled back and said,"I love you too, John and thank you for all of this. Really, this is amazing". John kissed you softly, while you began to touch the sides of his neck and hair, pulling him closer to you. He groaned lightly, as he began to have you walk backwards, hitting the wall with your back. You moaned softly before kissing him again and running your hands through his soft, dark brown hair.

-time skip-

You found yourself still pressed up against the wall. John had been eating you out for quite some time, making you cum twice and you had already gotten on your knees to suck his cock. He led you back up to his face, lifting up your leg and pushing his cock into you, causing you to moan and him to groan. He began fucking you slow and deep, making your moans grow louder and louder. "Come on, puppy. You feel so fucking good with your tight pussy wrapped around my cock. Letting me fuck you how I want. Using you like a whore you are, huh? You like that?", John said, as his pace began to move slightly faster now. "Ahh! Yes daddy! Fuck, your cock feels so good. I'm gonna-", you said, practically moaning and whimpering. "Yeah, be a good girl and cum on daddy's cock. Show me how good daddy's cock feels inside of you", John said as he buried his head into your neck and kissed your neck, leaving hickies throughout your neck and collarbones. You come seconds later, making your legs quiver and shake. "Good girl. You're doing so well for me", John said, kissing you deeply. You kissed him back, holding onto the sides of his face. The rest of the day, you were probably getting complaints from others because of how loud you were.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick:

Kyle had taken time off from work and wanted to spend time with you, away from home. Kyle ended up taking you to a luxury hotel, out of state and surprised you. The hotel was beautiful and once you arrived at your with Kyle, the view from the balcony was incredible. It overlooked the mountains and pools below. You were a bit at shock as Kyle started setting things down and had come over to you, holding you from behind. "So, what do you think, babygirl?", Kyle said, as he kissed your shoulder blade. "This is amazing. I can't believe you did all this for us", you said, turning around towards him and smiling. " I thought you'd like it. It's just you and me, no one else. It's our special place", Kyle said, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. You smile and pull him down to kiss you, passionately. Kyle kissed you back immediately, holding your waist and guiding you to the edge of the bed, where you then sat as you continued to kiss him.

-time skip-

You found yourself lying down, legs spread as Kyle was thrusting into you, slow and deep, making you moan loudly. Your hands were touching his back, scratching his back, which causes him to groan and moan. "Ahhh.. baby, fuck you feel so good. I love you y/n", Kyle said, as he looked into your eyes and kissed you softly. "Ahhh! Ahh..oh fu- I love you Kyle so much", you said, moaning and kissing him back. "Ahh fuck, I'm gonna cum, baby", You said, moaning and began arching your back. "Cum on my cock, baby", Kyle says, as he begins to thrust deeper into you and you cum, causing you to moan louder. "Good fucking girl. Now get on your hands and knees", Kyle says,as he pulls out and watched as you turned over, putting your ass up in the air and holding onto the pillows. Kyle smacked your ass hard, making you whimper. He did it a couple more times. "God, your ass is fucking perfect. You look so good for me like this", Kyle said as he began to line himself up to your pussy and began to thrust deep and fast into you, causing your moans to echo throughout the room as well as the hotel. You knew by this point, you'd probably get a complaint but you didn't care.

Alejandro " Colonel" Vargas:

Since you and Alejandro live in Las Almas, he decided to surprise you with reservations at a luxury hotel. The hotel was beautiful and had a beautiful view of the beach. Once arriving at the hotel room, the view you got was beautiful, it overlooked the beach and pools below you. Alejandro put down the suitcase and looked up at you with a smile, while grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to him. "So mi amor, what do you think? Do you like it?", Alejandro said, as examined your face with a smile. "Ale, baby this is so nice and beautiful. I can't believe you got all of this! Are you sure we can afford all of this? I mean i-",you said, before Alejandro cut you off and kissed you softly. "I have everything under control mi vida, besides we are only here for a week. It'll be fine and I get to have you all to myself", Alejandro said, giving you a heart warming smile. You smiled and pulled him back down to kiss him passionately, which he gladly kissed you back and pushed you slightly up against the wall. He grabbed your thigh and pushed up, giving an entrance in-between you.

-time skip-

Leggings were ripped and you had your hands against the window, tits exposed as Alejandro was thrusting into you from behind. "Ahh! Ahh.. oh go- fuck me daddy", You said, moaning loud and biting your lip slightly. "Buena puta de mierda. Estás tomando mi polla tan bien, dejándome follarte duro y profundo. (Good fucking slut. You're taking my cock so well, letting me fuck you hard and deep)", Alejandro said, moaning and grunting as he touched your stomach and then made his way down your clit, rubbing it slowly, causing you to moan louder. "Ahhh! Fuck.. I'm gonna cum again", you said, moaning, as you feel him spank your ass again, causing you to whimper again. "Puto semen en mi polla gruesa. Extiende esos jugos por toda mi polla. Córrete para mí, nena (Fucking cum on my thick cock. Spread those juices all over my cock. Cum for me, baby)", Alejandro said, as he continued to thrust into you and you cumming seconds later. He hums in joy, seeing how messy you've gotten and how messy you made Ale. "Good job, baby. God, you drive me wild", Alejandro said, as he had you look back at him and kiss him passionately before thrusting slowing in and out of you,again. You knew you'd probably get complaints but it was completely worth it.

"Colonel" Konig:

Konig took a break from work and came home, surprising you with reservations at a luxury hotel as a getaway trip for a week. The hotel was gorgeous. It had a tennis court, pools and a theater. Once you arrive at your room, Konig helped get in the two suitcases and set them near the closet. You walked over to the balcony, looking outside and seeing the view of the beach and small city below. Konig came up being you and held you by your waist. "So, my leibling, what do you think? Do you like it?", Konig says, with a bit of confidence in himself. "Baby, this is incredible! All of it is! I'm so excited that we are here and I get to have you to myself", you said, turning towards him and him smiling at you. "And I get to have you all to myself and enjoy our much needed time together", Konig said, as he bent down and kissed you softly. You hummed and returned the kiss, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. He tapped your leg, signaling you to jump and he picked you up, carrying you over to the bed to continue the heated make out session.

-Time Skip-

Heated make out session turned into your favorite sex position, mating press. Konig kept thrusting his cock into you, as well as leaving marks on your body and moaning. "Ahhh!!! Oh my god baby.. that feels so good", you said, looking up at him with a desperate look and moaning. "Mmm Maus, du fühlst dich so gut. Gott, ich fühle mich eng um mich herum. Du wirst gleich wieder abspritzen, nicht wahr? (Maus, you feel so good. god i feel tighting around me. You're gonna cum again aren't you?)", Konig said, moaning and began kissing you deeply, causing you to moan into his mouth. Without answering, you cum seconds later and you're whimpering. Konig pulls out and sees that you've made a mess on yourself, on him and the bed. "Good girl, my little leibling. Get on top of me and ride me baby. I want to see those tits bounce as you ride my cock and cum again", Konig said, as he lays down and you crawl on top of him and kiss him while sliding back down onto his cock, causing you both to moan louder. You knew you'd get complaints about the noise and the bed banging up against the wall but it was ok. You need him and he needs you.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously :-)

Taglist: @tfforever @deadbranch @ghostslillady @dressycobra7

#cod mw2 #mwii #cod mw2 x reader #cod headcanons #mw2 imagine #mw2 x reader #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #captain john price #kyle gaz garrick #alejandro vargas #call of duty modern warfare #cod fanfic #cod x reader #cod x you #cod imagine #cod konig

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seaadc · 8 months

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sshshshshsh heyhey could i have some uhh aqua hoshino x streamer!reader

I feel like such a genius for thinking about this my third eye has been opened

status | aqua hoshino x streamer!fem!reader

a/n: THIS IS SUCH A UNIQUE REQUEST??!!!??? THANK U SM ANON!!

summary: aqua being madly infatuated with you ever since he had saw you streaming.

- “If the world was against us, then I’m against the world.”

You are definitely in for a treat, definitely.

Before Aqua had met you, he was not that quite.. expressive? He had a cold demeanor, You can call him stern, but not too quite.

When Aqua was silently working on the little short trailer of a video that the team he was working with in “Love now” was gonna post, He came across you in the internet.

You were streaming in youtube, Your hair looked good and it looks recently brushed. You were talking to your fans since you were popular— heck, you even knew Mem-cho! You were slightly more popular than her which caused you to have a lot of viewers.

The girl was talking about her life and desires, how she’d want to be an idol someday. Aqua narrowed his eyes at the screen, staring deep into your galactic eyes.. How mesmerizing. He wouldn’t admit that

You were acting all so bubbly and giddy, showing your viewers some stuff in your room. And, to be honest, Aqua enjoyed watching you. Or was he just tired? He was tired from editing the short clip, he just laid his head down the table and using his arms as support while he looked at the laptop, gazing into your eyes that wasn’t even staring into his own.

He then sighed and closed the laptop, standing up while he went outside to grab the juice Yuki was going to gave him.

Aqua went out, Mem-cho went inside and opened the laptop, checking if the video had gotten more popular but she was greeted by a familiar face.

“Oh! It’s [Name]!” The blondie muttered to herself, wondering what was the tab doing in the laptop.

“Huh.. Aqua left the room last.”

Aqua decided to take a stroll outside the building, not too far but not too near. He was walking down the sidewalks when he felt like he should get a snack. He went to the nearest store and went inside, the bell on top of the door ringing.

Aqua sighed to himself and grabbed some chips, To his surprise there was a girl next to him.

She looked up at the shelf and grabbed the same chips Aqua had got but a different flavor, The girl smiled brightly to herself and adjusted her cap.

Aqua looked at her, He was 2 inches taller than her if he could presume.. She looked oddly familiar.

“Miss… Uh.. Have I seen you somewhere?” Aqua asked softly, his eyes narrowing at the girl’s cap which was colored white.

The girl looked up at him, Aqua widening his eyes at the realization it was the streamer had come across earlier.

“Well that’s interesting. People can still recognize me?” You mumbled, sighing in disbelief while you headed over at the cashier and placed your chips down at the counter.

Aqua hummed and followed, right behind you while he waited in line. It was awkward.. The only sound you could hear was the cashier’s machine clacking and doing such beeps.

The girl turned and looked at Aqua, smiling warmly. “[Name], At your service.” She introduced, and left while the bell rang.

Aqua stared off into the door, following your figure until it has dissipated. He looked down at the chips and put it down the counter.. Somehow, He felt.. attached. He couldn’t explain why, It was definitely not the universe playing tricks on both of you… right?

Ever since Aqua met you in real life, He couldn’t stop. As in, He couldn’t stop checking your profile everyday to see if you have a new video or stream. Truth be told, He watched every single video you had made and streams. Even if they were past streams, He still persevered to watch it.

Aqua felt comfortable and satisfied whenever he would rewatch a video of yours when you won’t post due to lack of motivation, but he would always check. Everyday, Everynight.

One day as you set up your computer, You thought of the fair blonde guy you met at the shop. You smiled at the thought, knowing it was the same guy you supported in the show “Love now” and the upcoming Tokyo Revenger live action.

You started streaming and viewers rushed in the stream, waiting for other viewers to arrive while a certain username joined.

“AquaHoshino… Are you a fan or the guy himself?” You chuckled, the viewers commenting of how cute and adorable your smile is while the user you had mentioned didn’t reply.

Meanwhile, through the other screen, Aqua couldn’t contain himself when his tongue slipped out of your mouth. He kept staring at your face, He didn’t know why, but the word that fits to what he kept on doing for the past few months was definitely ‘Infatuation’.

Considering he was a doctor before, ‘course he knew what this thing was. But it took him quite a long time to accept that he was inlove with you. A streamer who makes money off it.

Aqua just entered Strawberry Productions since Miyako called for him, only to find out that you, yes you, had signed a contract. Turns out Mem-cho had invited you and both of you were conversing with eachother on the green couch.

Miyako smiled and walked up to Aqua. “We have a new member.” She spoke with a soothing voice. Aqua flinched when he saw you, You both held eye contact until you smiled.

Oh shit, That was the best thing he ever saw. (except Ai’s smile) His heart melted, feeling it race like a sports car. Aqua cleared his throat and turned away, trying to hide the redness creeping up to his face while Mem-cho merely giggled. “Your so charismatic, [Name]-chan.” Mem-cho teased to which Aqua sighed at, He left the area to not get embarrassed any further and went to his room, leaving a very confused [Name]. and he would probably sabotage things a bit because he doesnt want you to be an idol, being a streamer is already making you tired and he doesn’t want that.

And since then, You would always talk to him with the most giddy-est personality ever. He would reply in short answers but he enjoyed your company, he wasn’t going to say that straightforwardly to you but might as well include it.

He would enjoy the peaceful silence you both shared in benches, school cafeterias, living rooms, and so many more places!

Aqua would probably be clingy to you in private, He isn’t a fan of PDA but he would gladly let you if you would do the first move or if he’s.. ehem.. jealous.

He once saw you conversing too much with a male employee at the cinema counter since you asked to join him in the mall which he couldn’t decline at. Only to find out another person was going to spend all your time with him.

Aqua approached with the popcorn he had bought and gave one to you, glaring at the employee. You thanked him while he simply nodded.

He took your hand and intertwined it with his, which made your heart pounding like some sort of wildebeest in a stampede.

And you both enjoyed that day.

bonus:

Aqua had confessed, inside the store you both first met. The cashier looked very amused while imaginary stars appeared beside her.

“W-what..?“ You stuttered, blushing a pink hue at the sudden confession Aqua had made, since he just kind of.. said that so fast.

Aqua sighed with the tip of his ears were flaming red while his cheeks were red too. “I’m not repeating that.” He blurted out, looking away while he kept a blank expression though the color of his cheeks say otherwise.

Being his girlfriend made you realize how hard is life is, how he would risk anything just to get justice for his mother. Which he told you after a few not a few months of dating. He got comfortable around you and you would always be there to comfort him during his nightmares, And he would always be there for you whenever you get a hate comment that gets you really insecure.

To be honest, You would probably wake up one day and getting the news of the person who kept on hating on you suddenly so quiet… I wonder what your lovely red flag boyfriend did.

#oshi no ko #aqua hoshino x reader #requests open #oshi no ko x reader #aqua hoshino #aquamarine #aquamarine hoshino #ai hoshino #aqua x reader #aquamarine x reader #aquamarine hoshino x reader #ruby hoshino #mem cho #aqua hoshino x you #aqua hoshino x y/n #aquamarine hoshino x you #oshi no ko x you #oshi no ko x y/n

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kortsitron · 1 year

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Gekko as boyfriend headcanons

A/N: Since we finally saw what he looks like, I'm just akebwkahakak. Like he's so cute and he might be the reason why I would return to Valorant. [Aka just getting him, playing a few times and leaving this game till I finally make myself play again aka probably never till I get enough motivation] In conclusion I'm waiting for him to come out and try to get him. Also headcanons are gender neutral per usual <;33

∿ His giving me kinda softie vibes, so I think he would be just kinda lovely and cuddly and chill

∿ Hair dyeing together! It's either both dyeing your own hair or just healing each other and having fun. He would definitely let you do some crazy patterns on his head

∿ He might even ask you to help him with cutting/shaving his hair if he's having problems

∿ He's the type of person who likes psychical touch and also like doing stuff for his partner

∿ In public Gekko will hold your hand, but in private he's more touchy and likes to hold you in his arms as much as you would allow him to

∿ He loves cuddles. He especially likes to cuddle with you while watching movies, shows etc. He is also kinda into holding you while you play video games. When you play on your bed and just casually sit, he won't be able to help himself and hold you from behind with his head on your shoulder

∿ Gekko won't mind too much if you would fall especially on him or just around him. He probably scream inside realizing how safe you feel around him

∿ He likes to put his hands on or around your waist whenever he's about to hug you

∿ Will FaceTime you a lot when you two can't meet up, when you have some free time. He would be a little quirky during FaceTime just to get a laugh out of you and make you smile

∿ He just loves to see you happy. And he won't tell you that, but there are moments when your laugh gives him butterflies

∿ If you wouldn't mind, he really would like to post some stuff with you on his social media (yours too of course), but only if you're okay with it

∿ Not matter if you would like to be in his posts or not, he still will ask you for help with some stuff regarding his social media like perhaps helping him with taking pictures or recording TikToks

∿ Gekko likes to give you compliments, they would be really cute and he would tell then only only, because of the fact that he things that stuff and wants to make you feel good about yourself

∿ But he just want to see you all flustered and red. He will lightly tease you over getting flustered over a compliments

∿ Since he has tattoos, he might be a little overprotective if you get some yourself. He would make sure that you're doing everything correctly and he would help you with changing bandages if needed. He just wants to make sure the tattoos are healing correctly and that they would look just like you wanted them to

∿ Same thing with piercings

∿ But before getting any body mods, he's gonna introduce you to place he goes too, so you would be sure that it's safe and you can trust people there

∿ I bet there are moments when he can't stop himself and just talks about you to other Agents or Reyna, because he's so in love with you and he's happy to be with you

∿ Definitely has a huge smile on his face when his talking to you

∿ He sometimes has a moments when he's alone and date with you went so well, that he might silently scream into his pillow like a teenager, because he just can't help but be so happy

∿ This happened a lot when you two were just starting to date and he just couldn't believe it was happening and just was so happy that I was working out

∿ Skateboarding together!

∿ He loves skateboarding with you! Sometimes he might even race with you if you're in the mood for that

∿ If you never tried skateboarding, he's will to help you learn if you're really interested in it. He would be patient with you and would try his best to make teaching you fun

∿ He will be very calm on the outside if you would happen to be bruised or injured when you try to learn how to skateboard or basically get hurt in general. He got hurt many times before finally he learned how to skateboard, so he's not panicking too much

∿ Will comfort you when you're hurt - both mentally and physically

∿ When you're hurt psychically, he'll help as much as he can if he sees he's having trouble or when you're too hurt to help yourself

∿ When it comes to mental stuff, when you're angry, he's gonna find a way to help you let out without hurting yourself or other

∿ When you're sad or just not feeling well, if he can he will stop whatever he doing to get to you or at least call so you wouldn't be alone

∿ He's gonna listen to whatever you want to tell him, if it would make feel better. Besides that he's gonna hold you close to him, letting you cry out as much as you need to. Gekko is not here to judge and he's gonna make sure you know that

∿ When it comes to him being sad, he would be more quiet, would open up when you push a bit into doing so, without he would be able to spend all day in your arms until he feels better

∿ Gekko definitely has Snapchat and besides Reyna, you get the most snap out of everyone

∿ He's been shopping? Snap! Buying groceries? Snap! Doing almost anything? Already sending you a snap! He just wants to keep you updated on whatever he's doing

∿ He appreciates when you do so back! Doesn't have to be on Snapchat, but he just wants to be updated on how you're doing. Gekko just wants to make sure everything's alright

∿ If you've never tried type of his mom makes, he'll make sure you'll try it!

∿ Loves giving you kisses in private. His favorite places are your cheeks and your nose

∿ He would let you paint his nails if you really want

∿ He may not be the type to be much into makeup, but if you really want to do his makeup, he's absolutely up for that

∿ Since Gekko has piercings, don't be afraid to buy him nice jewelry for him to wear

∿ He's not much of a flirt, but as mentioned earlier he likes to give you compliments. But when you flirt with him, he tries to play it off, but inside he's becoming a complete mess and tries to hide how much your words affect him

∿ He's not that much of a person to use pet names for his partner, but he has a few that he like use on you to show his affection. Some are English and some Spanish, depends on his mood which ones he's gonna use

∿ When he's kissing you, he likes to put his hands on your face to keep you close or on your waist. His kisses are very soft and gentle, but if can quickly turn into passionate ones if you show him that you're into mood for that

∿ When you get shy or just for any other reason you won't look at him and softly asking you to do is not working - he will either gently grab you by the chin or put his finger under your chin to make you look at him. He won't admit it, but he secretly loves doing that

∿ He's up for walks at night and if the sky is clear, he might propose to sit and watch starts with you

∿ Gekko is the type of person to make a playlists with song that he think you might like or songs that remind him of you, and he will make these playlists

∿ He also likes to listen to music with you, doesn't who's playlist is it, he just like spending time with you

∿ He won't tell you, but he secretly loves when you use his name. He can't help but smile when you do so. Of course he likes his nickname, but calling him Mateo when you talk to him is just something else

∿ If you're not an Valorant Agent, he won't let you get near battles. He doesn't want you get hurt and fear of losing you makes him overprotective more than usual at times

∿ Even though he doesn't want you to get near battles, he's aware that sometimes something might happen and he won't be able to be with you all the time to help you or protect you, so Gekko will teach you self defense to make sure you would be able to handle yourself when needed

∿ If you're an Valorant Agent, besides focusing on mission, he will also look after you

∿ When he got hurt on mission and Sage can't help him, he might come to for help if the injuries are serious and he knows you can help. He will cuddles with you after as way of saying "thank you"

∿ Boba dates! Gekko loves Boba tea, so once in a while he will take you with him to get Boba and have some fun

∿ He's absolutely up for wearing some matching jewelry with you or even getting a matching tattoo with you

∿ Of course, he introduced you to his little friends. Sometimes they are accompany during your dates or when you two hang out, mostly making the time you two spend together more fun

#valorant headcanons #valorant x reader #valorant imagines #gekko valorant #valorant #gekko #gekko x reader #valorant gekko #gekko headcanons #sfw #fluff #gender neutral language #gender neutral pronouns #gender neutral imagine #gender neutral reader

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hatt0riart · 10 months

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I WANTED TO MAKE MORE THAN JUST THIS but it took like. a week to get done and im sick these days

anyways in light of mk1's nonsense i revisited some koncepts i had for a roleswap au. i took hanzo's inspiration from a mix of mkx and mk11 outfits and kuai i kind of just winged it based off my own preferences in past appearances!!

more rambling is under the cut about the actual AU :-]

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY ART ON ANY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA OR CROP THEM FOR ICONS. THANK YOU!

SO I HAVE NOT ACTUALLY DEVELOPED THIS BEYOND SOME OLD SKETCHES I HAD OF KUAI'S DESIGN but i had some general ideas of how this was supposed to work???

the shirai ryu is still alive and well! he's still a family man and very clan oriented. satoshi is still born and grows into his clan's responsibilities, however harumi dies in child birth.

the lin kuei on the other hand is Not Doing Well. they end up getting wiped out during a raid from the shirai ryu and most of kuai's immediate family (whether by choice or blood) ends up going down with them.

prior to this kuai ends up passing after a failed mission to retrieve the map of elements from the shaolin temple in an attempt to prove himself to his clan. (instead of bi-han being the one set on that path, kuai ends up taking the initiative instead WAY before he's ready without anyone's knowledge and ends up dying when met with scorpion.)

most of it is similar how it is in actual canon for how scorpion's story goes. he gets resurrected he pledges loyalty to quan chi in order to get revenge, blah blah blah. mortal kombat happens. the two meet again at some point.

kuai's still on that "you killed my family" juice but its...more so about familial ties (like bi-han and smoke) rather than it being the love(s) of his life (like hanzo's wife and son) , seeing as he died young from his own overzealous nature.

very much has anger issues. he's impatient and has alot shorter of a temper by comparison to scorpion in the original canon. hardly ever humbled until that point lol

hanzo on the other hand is surprisingly more lax. meditates often, drinks alot of tea and while he *IS* stressed he handles it alot better than kuai does. maybe has a problem of ignoring his problems though for the sake of the task at hand.

kuai ends up harassing hanzo alot in this AU even outside of the tournament. he's kind of a bitchy ghost there to remind hanzo of what happened to him and lowkey hanzo guilts over it.

kuai has alot of grim reaper motifs in his design. he carries a scythe made of ice primarily and fights at a more long distance range.

hanzo on the other hand is alot more of an up close brawler. he keeps alot of design traits from mkx with a bit of mk11 sprinkled in for inspiration of his "classic" design.

STILL A PYROMANCER!! i just havent thought out how. he's just regarded with a bit more respect for having those unnatural abilities lol

but yeah this is just me spitballing in bullet points. i'm hoping to make more stuff later that is a bit more...thought out properly but it follows more of like

mk mythologies --> mk9 -> mkx

type of timeline i guess? except hanzo is in bi-han's position and kuai ends up being put in scorpion's. bi-han doesn't really have a place in the AU outside of being a background character and driving motive for kuai's vengeance later on. (though we're not gonna talk about how bi-han's mentality eventually fed into kuai's at a young age and made him come to the conclusions he did before he died.... maybe.)

smoke exists for the sake of painful flashbacks lol

satoshi's also a bg character but he does end up growing up with the shirai ryu and takes on his own share of clan responsibilities. idk whether or not he takes after hanzo's pyromancy or not in this AU but either way he grows up to be a well respected figure in the clan!

alot of stuff outside of this remains the same though, just the lin kuei and shirai ryu's dynamics get swapped.

ANYWAYS YEAH IF YOU READ THRU ALL THIS THANKS FOR READING BYEEEE (i'll be adding to this au more later on when i finish my other sketches lol)

#mortal kombat #au #mortal kombat au #mk #mk1 #mkx #mk11 #mk9 #sub zero #scorpion #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #roleswap au #subscorp #subscorp roleswap au

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katiekatdragon27 · 2 months

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Guys sorry, I am not immune to Hazbin/Helluva propaganda. I am also not immune to criticizing the designs and character motivations.

So! Let’s start with one of the most redesigned characters in the show: Beelzebub^^

So, sorta hot take, I really like the idea behind Beelzebub in the show. Ik "boo tomato tomato," but hear me out. I like how she is meant represent the hellhounds she rules over (ik she actually is a reference to Jay Jay, but let me have this connection PLEASE). However, the source material is very bug-like and compact.

The HB Beelzebub is NOT that bug like. Or compact.

With this redesign, I decided to pick all the stuff I liked about the og, and what I wanted to see more of. I kept her colors and general vibe but made her more built like a bumble bee with more inspo from the fly Beelzebub.

This is what I got.

Progress doodles n stuff below cut (it's gonna be an essay, y'all know the drill):

(She was much sharper in the sketch lol)

DESIGN EXPLANATION:

Anyways, I always imagined Beelzebub to be, y'know, more BEE like. The show did not give me that, so I did it myself. I made her wings bigger, gave her an actual bee tail and face (with the proboscis and stinger too), and more stripes and fluff. I also made her small and slightly chubby. Gotta hone the bumble bee.

I thought the hair made the original design too cluttered, but I wanted to keep the party colors. To compromise, I stuck all the goop in her tail. It sort of works like a firefly's abdomen and a lava lamp. I also nullified her cloths, so they would blend more with the body and help pop the neon colors in her eyes, antenna, and tail.

When she stands at her normal form, she is the smallest of the sins. But when she is in her "true" form (that I have not illustrated yet), she is the biggest of the sins. This is a reference to how gluttony starts small but gets really large over time, both mentally and physically.

As for additional details, I wanted to keep her "foxness". So in a brilliant brainstorm of ideas, I came up with the concept of "Masks". Basically, all the sins I'll redraw will have them. The masks are meant not only to represent their hellborn, but to represent how the sins pretend to be good things at first.

Stuff like "Rest a little more, it won't hurt" and "Be proud and don't care for what others say" are how they present on the surface, but if you continue those mindsets in a toxic way, it turns into sloth and pride and stuff instead of self-care and being proud of things.

For Bee specifically, it's "Have a little more, you deserve it!" and she has a hell-hound/fox mask. This also feeds into her personality change.

PERSONALITY CHANGES:

In the og, she's a party animal who cares for... moderation??? Yeah, I hate this about Helluva Boss. Why is it so hard to write *sshole/negligent people in power and why is it only Mammon who's allowed to be like this? Give me more morally dark grey powerful people!

That's where Bee is different for the redesign. She runs te lowest ring in hell and is in charge of hellhounds, the lowest species in hell. B/c of this, she is much more lenient compared to the higher ranked sins in hell, which is why she is often seen talking and hanging out with lower classes. (She gets slack for this from the other sins). She is also the only sin who has had open relations with lower class citizens all the way down to hellhounds. However, none of them last. Most of her relations outside of the sins are one-night stands and flings.

As for how she sorta sucks: she is still a party animal, yes, but she purposely chooses to be blind and ignore all the suffering that occurs at the parties. People have fun, but they overindulge, and as a result get sick, sad, and violent. However, Bee leaves the parties before they get this way. She does not want to see it. She is negligent. When she comes back to the party aftermaths, she quickly gets her workers to clean everything, so she does not have to discover anything gruesome and sad. She just wants to live, party, and see people "happy". (Sort of like Gatsby's parties minus the pining for a single woman who does not care for her).

... I wonder what would happen if that mental image she had shattered? I guess only the future will tell.

But anyway, if you have any questions or characters you recommend I design or redesign, feel free to ask lol.

I hope this made at least a little sense. Have a lovely day^^

#beelzebub is probably one of my favorite sins in the show aesthetically #but it's so cluttered and looked so painful to animate #also having her be stout and fluffy seemed so novel to me #no more skinny girls with thick thighs give me tiny girls with thick everything #hazbin hotel #hazbin art #helluva boss #helluva fanart #helluva beelzebub #helluva beelzebub redesign #redesign #character redesign #vivziepop #helluva redesign #helluvaboss #also if you don't like this please don't comment that #i don't need that negativity in my life this is just for fun #katiekatdragon27

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some-of-us-watch-the-sunset-too · 11 months

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Can you do hcs of a very strong SO picking the guys up? I just feel like they would have either hilarious or sweet reactions

(Especially for Steve, I love him the most)

A/N: This is so bad omg. I kinda went a bit off topic here, it’s still a strong S/O, i just didn’t include them picking the boys up for a few of them. Also i realise now that i made them out to be really weak? let’s be honest they’re not, but it makes it more fun to write!

The Outsiders x Strong S/O

———————————————————

Darry

Dar’s strong too so the first thing that came into my mind was competitions to see who was the strongest. like- a big wooden board, then you have Pony and Soda sit on it, whoever struggles the least is the winner

If you beat him in an arm wrestle or one of those strength tests? i hate to break it to ya, but it’s gonna upset him a little bit, he likes to prove how strong he is and likes being the strong one

On the other hand, you two would be unstoppable in a rumble. you’d take on the biggest guys there and let’s be honest you’d probably have some combo move or something.

He gets you to help move furniture all the time, i dunno why, he just does.

Ponyboy

Let’s be honest, the guys weak as fuck. it doesn’t take much to be stronger than him.

He loves it if you give him a piggyback or something, why walk when you have a helpful S/O to carry you everywhere? it makes him feel important.

He asks you to carry stuff for him. He’d probably start whining that his arms are tired or something. He does it for a joke but if it actually upsets you he’d cut it out.

He asks you to help him build up some muscle, given his tactic in rumbles is to just jump on someone’s shoulders and pull their hair while someone else does the actual punching/kicking

Sodapop

He is forever in awe of your strength, he asks you on the regular to help him get a bit stronger but gives up after about 10 minutes because he’s tired

if you picked him up? this boy would be on top of the world. Bonus points if you’re tall too. he’d probably stand on your shoulders or something and literally shout “I’m on top of the world! Bow down to me!”

If he needs to carry a bag of coal or a sack of potatoes in or out of the DX you’re the first person he calls, then he’d call you his hero and pretend to faint into your arms while saying how tiring it was to carry the stuff himself.

He will try to pick you up or beat you in strength in some way, but he’s just not strong enough :(

Dallas

Honestly? I think it would intimidate him if his S/O was stronger than him. he’s the strong one, there’s no room for another strong person

If you picked him up he’d throw a hissy fit like a toddler, he’d probably secretly enjoy it, but he’d never admit it.

Rumbles are amazing with you two. You beat the guy up a little and then pass him off to Dally to finish the job. it just helps his ego alright?

The one advantage to having a strong S/O in his eyes? if he’s in a fight and he’s having a bit of trouble you can give him a hand, maybe sometimes even scare off the other guy become a punch is even thrown.

Steve

He challenges you to at least two arm wrestles a day, he’s pretty strong so he does put up a fight. in the end you always win though.

You two also have combo moves reserved for rumbles, you’re both fighting your own guys then you swap or something since you’re bored of beating the shit out of the one guy.

He’d never ask you too, it’d hurt his ego to ask. but if you offered to help out with stuff in the DX? just simple things like carrying tyres around or something like that, he’d fall even more in love with you <3

You two work out together every morning and help to keep each other motivated when you really don’t want to keep going.

Two-Bit

I honestly think that Two is pretty strong but i also think he’d pretend to be weak just because he loves the attention it gets him 🤷‍♂️

You’re his bodyguard. if you’re together when you meet a new hood somewhere and he feels intimidated, he’ll just say something like “Oh yeah? Well i got a secret weapon!” and push you out in front of him.

He loves your hugs. Big bear hugs that if you squeezed him for much longer than you do he thinks he’d probably suffocate. Something about them are just so comforting for him.

Same thing as Pony, he loves when you pick him up, makes him feel special.

Johnny

I’m gonna be honest i’m a bit stumped when it comes to johnny? I think he’d basically be like ponyboy?

He might ask you to help him move old car seats into the vacant lot to make it a bit more comfy from time to time.

If you pick him up he’d just be kinda like “ok this is my life now” yk? he wouldn’t really pass any remarks on it.

#the outsiders #the outsiders x strong s/o #ponyboy curtis #dallas winston #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #steve randle #two-bit mathews #dallas winston x reader #ponyboy x reader #sodapop x reader #darry x reader #johnny cade x reader #steve x reader #two bit x reader #the outsiders x reader #the outsiders x yn #is this too many tags?

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zeta-in-de-walls · 1 year

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Transcript of Dream’s message

Hey, here’s a Transcript of what Dream said regarding DSMP. Where he confirmed S2 would not happen. I tried to get it accurately as I could while still being pretty clear.

DSMP... okay let’s talk Dream SMP. I’ll just be completely, blunt, I don’t think there will be a season 2. I mean, That’s not 100%. Obviously that could change, there’s been so many discussions about it and there’s a lot of people. Even though its called Dream SMP, it’s not just like a me thing, there’s a lot of people that are part of it, contributing and who have contributed to it. I feel, I’ve discussed this in discord and expressed my opinion on it... and a lot of people have expressed themselves about it. I want to do what everyone wants to do but at the same time I also don’t want to do anything that doesn’t feel like me. Dream SMP was originally started with just me and my friends f*cking around on the SMP but it’s different now. There’s a lot more to it with the DSMP. And the DSMP obviously was iconic and had so many awesome things to it. So I think realistically there won’t be a Season 2. If there was it’d be different and it won’t be for a while if there was. But, I think realistically there’s not so don’t get your hopes up.

And again that’s another thing that’s like hey you know I’m sorry. That’s something like false expectations. But The thing is, everything was done everything was ready. Everything was coded for DSMP Season 2. I had a whole document with all the new features, all the new plans, we had came up with the initial story etc etc. And just like, it didn’t happen. And then after time passed, stuff wasn’t happening, the finales and stuff. The finales took a lot longer than expected and there was stuff that didn’t ever come through with the finales.

And I honestly lost motivation. One thing I said when we discussed it later on was like definitely once it ended up not happening it was my fault but the reason that it got to that point was because nobody was as motivated and nobody was as into it for a long period of time and everybody got busy with irl stuff. There were periods of time where I would message people and people wouldn’t reply about doing stuff and periods where I got messaged and wouldn’t reply. But then there was a multi-month period where I didn’t know what to do. I was sitting there like ‘I don’t know if we should reboot, I don’t know if we should do fresh stuff’.

And then of course Techno and obviously that complicated things. Our plan for a while unfortunately before Techno passed was to do like a memory related thing in order to have new relationships and friendships and stuff. But then obviously that was something that Phil pointed out like something he didn’t think about then mentioned later on was like oh that kinda sucks because you know it would be erasing stuff Techno had done and stuff. That kinda affected the plans. Do we change what we do? Do we whatever?

Yeah. As far as I know the server’s still up and has been up. Anyone’s that’s on and whitelisted can do what they want and stuff. I know Karl’s talked about doing lore outside of the SMP for his final stuff and I think Quackity’s talked about the same. Because It’s less reliant on other people to do things. Yeah, I don’t know, that’s kinda my thought process on this so I don’t want to whatever.

And again I just want to go back to a time where we were all saying it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. It was. Everything was done, everything was ready and then. It wasn’t really, it wasn’t just a me thing being like ‘well guess we’re not doing it’ There’s like a lot of stuff that happened and obviously stuff that happened which complicated things, like publicly as well. Some of the stuff... I’m sure you know what I’m referring to. That happened right around when Dream SMP season 2 was in the works and being finished. And so that obviously genuinely demotivated me a lot and made me like alright well whatever. I don’t care. I just want to hang with my friends and go back to my roots and do what’s fun for me.

And everyone that did reply whenever I kinda said that stuff fairly recently on the SMP, like a month ago or a month and a half ago at this point, everyone that replied was very positive like ‘oh yeah it sucks but we just want to be able play an SMP with our friends and stuff. And like yeah, that’s totally fair but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the Dream SMP, that can be anything.

#dream smp #dream situation #(alluded to)#dsmp #transcript #aah he says kinda and like so much #i cut a lot of that out

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cheolbooluvr · 2 years

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tomorrow tonight

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pairing: seungcheol x fem!reader

genre: angst, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, mutual pining

word count: 20.8k (ha ha buckle in)

warnings: divorce, implied sexual activities (but no smut), profanity

a/n: it’s here!! first, i want to say thank you all for your interest in this fic; it was truly unexpected, but your support motivated me to finish this after months of sitting on it with no clue as to which direction i wanted this to go. this started roughly three months ago when i started watching thirty nine (which i finished last night btw; go watch it if you’re into sad stuff), and also listening to loote’s song of the same name! smth abt tomorrow tonight + thirty nine angst made me want to write this sadness so...yeah. i truly did not anticipate this being my longest fic to date at 20k words, but here she is :’) thank you to @gyukult and @twogyuu for beta reading this bc i was too tired to re-read it myself LOL @_@ i hope you all enjoy it, and as always, please be sure to leave your feedback via reblogs/replies/asks!! <3 enjoy !!

tag list: @itaewonsquad97 @yeosangsbiceps @haoraecane @dontflailmenow @flwrsol @blackswann-53098 @yjhdaily @kpopjackie @letskookandbaek @lovelywoo @chanreads @xmessaroundx @romromthedeer @soobin-chois @qy61 @chwebychew @ahgastayzen (if i missed you, i am SO sorry T-T)

my masterlist ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

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“Hey, jackass. You’re gonna catch a cold.”

Your voice filled the empty night air, crude words accompanied by the chilling winter wind. He was facing away from you, his back hunched over as he sat on the carousel in the children’s park outside your apartment. Even under the poorly-lit street lamps, you recognized the back of his head: the way his hair—cut close to his nape—faded into his skin, and how his white, cotton button-down shirt hugged his wide back as he rested his elbows on his knees. He was rubbing his palms together, his breath visible in the night as he tried to warm himself.

Dipshit, you thought to yourself. It was below freezing and he was out here without a jacket.

He turned around to greet you with a smile, though it wasn’t the same cocky grin he usually gave you when you called him unpleasant names. This one was different. It was… sad. Given the way his hair was tousled, you could guess he had probably gone drinking with his coworkers before he came to see you.

“What’s up?” you asked, dropping the black plastic bag in his lap as you sat down next to him.

“How was work?” he replied, answering your question with a question, something he knew you hated but still did anyway.

“Fine. Same ol’, same ol’, ya know?” You stuck your hand in the bag and pulled out a cold beer; you had stopped at the convenience store just a couple minutes away and grabbed some drinks and snacks, figuring Seungcheol probably wouldn’t mind considering how much the man usually drank. Besides, you had been spending long days at the office this past week finishing a project for a VIP which didn’t give you much time or energy to cook at home, so this was your next best option. Looping your finger through the pull tab, the can opened with a satisfying hiss. Seungcheol followed suit with his can of beer, raising it to tap against yours before the two of you took huge gulps, each finishing with a loud, content sigh.

“Oh?” Seungcheol moved his face to inspect the can closer. “How did you know this was my favorite?”

He chuckled when he saw the incredulous look on your face, the way your eyebrows seemed to go in different directions with your mouth slightly agape at such a dumb question.

“You act like we haven’t been friends for a long time, stupid.” Of course you knew his favorite beer, but that begged the question: did he know yours?

“Best friends,” he corrected you, which warranted a loud smack on his arm. He winced, and despite being a big boy with big, beefy arms, the impact you made caused his arm to sting. This time, it was your turn to laugh at the man rubbing the spot where you had hit him.

Reaching your hand into the bag again, you pulled out a triangle kimchi tuna kimbap. Seungcheol snorted. No matter how much time passed, you were just too predictable. He grabbed the kimbap from you, tugging on the tab and expertly freeing the plastic from around the seaweed. He handed it back to you, your dumbfounded face causing him to snicker even more.

“You’re like a fucking magician,” you muttered. Even your reaction to him unraveling the snack for you never changed, reminiscent of the very first time you two met.

He had found you sitting outside a convenience store in elementary school, eyes puffy from crying about who knows what, a discombobulated mess of rice and seaweed on the table in front of you. Seungcheol, even as a young child, was always considerate, so he had gone inside, bought another kimbap, and brought it out to you. You weren’t sure who this strange boy was, but the thought of trying to open another kimbap frustrated you to the point of tears—again.

In a panic, he swiped it from you, urging you to quiet down so passersby would stop staring. The crinkling of the plastic was enough to spur your curiosity as you watched him move swiftly, pulling it apart with ease.

“Here,” he had said, his voice octaves higher than it was now. He had watched you fondly as you devoured the snack, your cheeks full and a smile gracing your lips.

Not a lot had changed since then, especially that warm smile of yours that brought him comfort after a long day. He chuckled as you shoved the rice into your mouth, the seaweed producing a gratifying crunch as you bit down.

“You don’t change, do you?”

“What? I’m starving,” you said.

“They don’t feed you at work?”

You shook your head. “Honestly, when I’m in the zone, I forget that I’m hungry until I leave.”

“You need to take care of yourself,” he nagged.

“I do. I just sometimes forget to eat. It’s no big deal.”

Cheol took another swig of his beer, the cold liquid contrasting the burn of the alcohol as it went down his throat. “It’s no big deal until you get sick.”

“Okay, Dad,” you sneered. “Geez. I’m eating now, so it’s fine.”

Seungcheol gave you the look, and you groaned. When his eyebrows furrowed the way that they did, you knew he was going to lecture you. Part of you appreciated how much he cared about you, but sometimes it was too much. You had moved to the city to get away from your own nagging mother only to be accompanied by another nagging parent. “Don’t tell me you’ve been eating like this?” He took your silence as an answer and continued, “You need to eat real food.”

“Well, I don’t think this is imaginary,” you quipped.

“I don’t need your sarcasm. I’m serious.”

“Cheol, I’m fine. Really.” Your limbs started to shake the longer the two of you sat outside. “Wanna come up for tea? Where it’s warm?”

“No, I probably shouldn’t,” he said, a sigh escaping his lips. “The wife is waiting for me at home.”

You cowered at the word. Even though he had been married for almost two years, it still sounded strange and unfamiliar coming from his mouth.

“I’ll call you, yeah?” He let out an aching groan as he stood up, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his pants.

You nodded, but it wasn’t like he saw you, his eyes already fixed on his BMW. You watched as he left you on the playground alone, his body disappearing as he entered his car and drove off. This wasn’t an unfamiliar sight for you: Seungcheol’s back as he walked away. In fact, it was a sight that you knew well.

All too well.

———

“You’re stupid, you know that?” Dahyun’s words were piercing, but it wasn’t the first time you’d heard that come from her sharp tongue. As a matter of fact, it was almost a daily occurrence, some variation of being “stupid,” “clueless,” “naive,” or whatever word she could find in her vocabulary brought up whenever you mentioned Seungcheol.

You stared ahead, your eyes preoccupied on the golden glow the light cast upon the bottles in front of you as the two of you sat at the bar on a Friday night. Dahyun’s glare could burn holes through your skull, but you paid her no attention, instead choosing to lift the glass of whiskey on the rocks to your lips. The smokey aroma hit your nose first as you braced for the impact of the harsh liquor on your tongue.

The first time you’d had it was in university—Seungcheol had somehow convinced you to come to his business club’s social mixer at the local bar everyone frequented. Even back then he had a wide frame that filled out his university jacket nicely, your school’s name embroidered across the back. He had excitedly introduced you to his club members and asked if you wanted anything to drink. Considering you’d had a midterm the following morning, you told him, “Just a coke,” but he had insisted you make it a jack and coke instead.

“You like that?” he had asked.

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s not bad. What are you drinking?”

“Just a whiskey. Neat.” Seungcheol had always been a goofy kid growing up, but when you two got to university, he had somehow grown into this handsome, charming man who you barely recognized. Nonetheless, he was still your best friend, and you were grateful he thought the same of you. Even then in the bar, you couldn’t miss the way some of his fellow club members ogled at him, but his attention was on you. “Want some?”

A sense of pride washed over you as you took his drink from his hands and drank from the same cup his lips touched, relishing in the jealousy of the other girls who wished they could be you.

The moment the liquid entered your mouth, you nearly spit it back out into his cup.

You hated whiskey.

Yet, you continued to drink it on certain nights because you wondered if that’s what his lips tasted like. If this was the closest you could get to him, then so be it.

“God, can’t you drink something besides whiskey? Or at least add some coke like a normal person.” The tone in her voice made it clear that she was fed up with your actions once again. Yet, despite her constant pestering, you were her best friend after all, and her concern came from a place of love. It saddened her to watch you make one mistake after the other, but what if you didn’t want her best intentions? “It’s disgusting. I don’t know how you drink that.”

“Worry about finishing your cocktail before you nag me about my drink,” you replied, taking another sip of the forsaken liquid.

“What’s up with her?” Another voice brought you out of your slight daze, your eyes moving to the bartender.

“She’s caught up on him,” Dahyun spoke for you, leaning back in the stool and pretending to examine her martini. She set the glass down and fiddled with the olive in the cup, her attention turning to the man in front of you both.

The bartender was wiping down a glass when he let out a quiet chuckle. “The childhood friend, right?”

“Vernon, please. I don’t need you involved in this, too.” Vernon was a college friend of yours and also the head bartender of this pub that you and Dahyun frequented. The latter swung her legs around on the stool to reposition herself to face Vernon, placing her head in her hands as she looked at him.

“She’s hopeless. Help me out, Vern,” she begged, batting her eyelashes at him.

Vernon blushed, his eyes skirting to the glass he had been wiping for the last five minutes. Dahyun made him shy, and you all knew that, but she didn’t care. He let out a huff of air through his nose, the corner of his lips turning up into a small smirk. “Look, I don’t want to get involved—”

“Then don’t,” you interrupted. You took another sip of the whiskey before swirling the golden drink around in the cup and observing the way it moved with elegance around the big block of ice.

“But,” he continued, “I do think you’re an addict.”

You looked up at him, puzzled by his choice of words. “A what?”

“You’re addicted to him.” It was irking how nonchalant he was as he set down the glass. He propped himself against the counter, the sleeves of his button-down rolled up just below his elbows, exposing his forearms.

“What the fuck?”

“He’s right,” Dahyun chimed in. You could see the lightbulb turn on in her head, and you were not ready for where she was going to take this. “He’s a drug you can’t quit.”

“He’s not a drug,” you argued. “He’s a human.”

“Ever heard of a metaphor?” she quipped back.

Ugh.

She took another sip of her drink before continuing, “Besides, he’s married.”

“Yes, we’ve established that.” You rolled your eyes.

“But you’re still caught up on him.”

The blood within your veins began to boil. “I’m not ‘caught up’ on him,” you disputed, throwing your fingers up to make air quotes. “He’s my best friend.”

“No, I’m your best friend. You’re in love with him.”

“I can have more than one best friend,” you argued back.

“Yeah, sure. But he’s not your best friend if you’re in love with him.”

“Why can’t it be both—” you caught yourself. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

A shit-eating grin formed on Dahyun’s lips.

Check fucking mate.

“Look,” you began. Whatever came out of your mouth next, you knew neither Dahyun nor Vernon would believe you, but you’d give it a try anyway. “My friendship with him is more important than whatever feelings I have for him.”

“You’re telling me you’d rather suffer for the rest of your life if that means you don’t lose him?” Dahyun probed with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not suffering.” Now, Dahyun knew you were lying by the way you refused to look into her eyes, your fingers fidgeting with your glass.

“You’re pathetic.”

You were used to the insults Dahyun threw your way, but this time, she meant what she said, and it pierced your heart knowing that this was what she thought of you. She chugged the remainder of her drink and slid the empty glass across the bar. “I’m going to go dance. Thanks for the drink, Vern.”

He nodded at her, watching her slink away to where the crowd of people were.

“Ouch.” You had completely forgotten about Vernon’s existence, typical of a guy like him who seldom had much to say. Even he knew that Dahyun’s words weren’t meant to be taken lightly, and he had to agree with her.

Even you agreed with her. You were pathetic—waiting around for someone who would never be yours, watching him love someone else, someone who wasn’t you, and despite all this, you continued to stick around like a lovesick fool.

So, yeah.

The word weighed heavy in your chest as you tapped the counter signaling to Vernon that you wanted another drink. He handed you another whiskey, the strong smell hitting your nose before you could even bring it to your lips. Instead of curiosity, a wave of nausea came over you instead.

Suddenly, whiskey didn’t seem so intriguing anymore.

———

It happened while you were trying to forget him.

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. So, that’s what you did. And that’s how you found yourself under a stranger that night, someone who had offered to buy you a different drink when he saw that yours had gone untouched for a while.

Instead, he bought you a cosmopolitan, citing you might enjoy it more. And maybe it was a little presumptuous of him to assume such a thing, but you had to admit that it was certainly better than what you had been drinking all these years. It also made you feel giddier and more confident when the whiskey only made you feel sad, and maybe that was why you agreed to go home with him.

It felt good though, his skin against yours, just the two of you in the darkness of his bachelor pad. The way he moved was gentle and careful, as if somehow he knew you were in a fragile state of mind. He moved his hands to your waist, lifting your shirt so gingerly as he slotted his legs between yours, pushing them apart to make room for himself on the bed.

Your breathing grew heavy, and you closed your eyes. Suddenly, you were met with a familiar face: his frosty skin that contrasted his jet black hair, his long eyelashes that fluttered every time he blinked, those plump, whiskey lips that you so badly wanted to kiss—

“Seungcheol,” you gasped. The weight on your body was now gone and you opened your eyes.

Fuck. The man above you sure as hell wasn’t Seungcheol and he looked just as confused as you, if not more.

You hated to admit it, but Dahyun and Vernon were right: you were addicted.

“Shit. I am so sorry,” you blurted out.

“Look, I don’t know who this Sungchil—”

“Seungcheol,” you corrected.

“Sure, whatever,” he replied, waving you off. “I don’t know who he is, but let me be the one to show you a good time.” Without missing another beat, he planted his lips against your neck, but the mood was ruined and you couldn’t go a single second without thinking about your best friend. You had a problem and maybe this was the wake-up call you needed.

“Sorry, I don’t think I can do this.” You sat up and grabbed your things, fumbling in the darkness to hastily put your shoes on and get the fuck out of there.

The night was cold—freezing even—the brisk air nipping at your cheeks as you waited for a taxi to come. A lot had happened that night, and as you stood there, legs shaking, you made a decision.

You would quit Seungcheol.

For good.

———

Once upon a time, you and Seungcheol were terrible students: you would ditch class to go get rice cakes and sausage from the street vendor right outside the school, and when the bell rang, while most of your peers were rushing to get to cram school, the two of you would go to a nearby diner and dick around until the sun set.

Yet, despite your poor habits, you still ended up in the top ten students of your class and Seungcheol, well, let’s just say he was lucky to have such a smart friend like you. Though, none of that mattered in the end as you landed your dream job doing branding design and marketing at a renowned company, and he was the department manager for a food supply conglomerate. One look at you two, and everyone would think you had everything you could ever want. And while that was mostly true, there was one thing you wanted but could never have.

Your best friend.

You were busy typing out an email to a client, your finger aggressively clacking against the plastic keys. If someone heard you, they might think you were chewing someone out, but you were just a loud typer was all. Everyone had already left the office, and you were the last one there, the lights turning off slowly one-by-one. That was your sign to leave. As you were packing up, your phone vibrated on your desk.

1 new message from Cheollie.

2 new messages from Cheollie.

Your eyes glazed over the notification.

You desperately wanted to open the message, a selfish part of you hoping that maybe he would have some epiphany that you were the love of his life and that he’s so sorry it took him this long to realize.

No. He wouldn’t do that. He was married. He was happy. He was happy and married. You would never be the reason for his happiness.

But… what if…? Your face was illuminated by the blue light of your phone, your eyes squinting at the sudden brightness as the lights around you shut off for good. When you opened his message, your shoulders dropped.

Look at this guy LOL

[1 attachment]

You opened the message to find a photo of some guy wearing denim shorts, crocs, and a cowboy hat.

Dear god. Is this what the world has come to? You let out a chuckle, your head betraying your heart as you went to type a response.

You stopped yourself.

No. You shouldn’t. Replying to him would only open the door for conversation, which was the last thing you needed right now.

The road to healing was a long one, but you could do it if you put your mind to it. Or, at least that’s what you told yourself every morning. In the beginning, it was difficult not to respond to Seungcheol’s messages almost immediately or send him pictures of what you were eating for lunch and dinner. But as the days went on, it became a little bit easier, the temptation fizzling out as you responded to him late or left him on read.

At first, Seungcheol just assumed that it was because you were busy with work, but when he saw that the little ‘1’ by his message was gone and he still hadn’t received a response, that’s when he began to worry.

To say you were surprised to see him standing awkwardly outside your apartment with a plastic bag would be an understatement. And also completely unhelpful if you were going to quit him for good like you had claimed.

Yet, here he was, loitering in the cold, though this time, he was wearing his favorite maroon, Moncler puffer jacket. He was kicking the ground like a little child playing with the rocks around him until he saw your shadow. Your heart dropped when he looked up at you, his face beaming under the shitty light of your building.

“Hi,” he greeted you quietly.

“What are you doing here?”

“Geez, not even a ‘hi’ back?” he joked.

To be fair, you were still processing his sudden appearance in front of your house. Usually, he’d shoot you a text or a quick phone call to let you know he was coming. But tonight, he was here, completely unannounced because a part of him wondered if you’d ignore him if he tried to reach out, and he was too scared to find out.

So, here he was.

“Hi, Seungcheol,” you caved, the tone of your voice sounding more like an exasperated mother than someone excited to see their best friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought dalkgalbi and beer,” he replied, lifting the bag. You recognized the black chicken on the logo—your favorite restaurant. You’d be crazy to say no, so you just nodded your head towards the entrance as the two of you entered the building. Pressing the elevator button, you stood in silence as you ascended the eight stories it took to get to your apartment.

The path to your unit was second nature to Seungcheol—he had spent many of his days at your place even before he had gotten married. He even knew your passcode to get in, expertly entering the numbers as if he was the one who lived there and not you.

Quitting him would be a lot harder than you thought.

You sat on your couch, unpacking the bag while he moved effortlessly in your kitchen, from grabbing plates and utensils to filling up the water pitcher like it was second nature. You had lived in this apartment since college, and Seungcheol spent most, if not all, of his days there with you like it was his own home. You even had a spare blanket and pillow for him and, not to mention, the spare toothbrush you kept for him in the cup on your bathroom sink. Once upon a time, he had a pair of slippers there, too, and your mom would often mistake them for your boyfriend’s.

“They’re not my boyfriend’s,” you’d painstakingly correct her, though you had wished they were.

If Dahyun had been longing for her best friend who was married, you would have called her pathetic, too. The more you thought back to that night at the bar and that stranger’s home, the throbbing in your head grew worse.

“What happened here?” he asked, setting everything down on the table in front of you. Your apartment was in complete disarray, random pieces of paper scattered here and there, about three loads of laundry were piled on your couch. For the past few weeks, you had been so busy at work that you rarely had energy to clean or put clothes away, so in the mornings, you’d pick the least wrinkled articles and throw those on for the day, swearing you’d put everything away when you came home that night. But you never did.

“Work’s kept me busy,” you stated, opening the containers of spicy stir-fried chicken covered in mounds of mozzarella cheese. The spice was the first to hit your nose, and you embraced its warmth briefly before digging in with your chopsticks. Seungcheol watched you fondly, a never-ending string of cheese stretching from the container to your mouth.

“Here,” he motioned, handing you a sizable portion wrapped in lettuce. You didn’t grab the wrap from him, instead just opening your mouth and biting a huge chunk off. The spice of the sauce was cleanly contrasted by the lettuce and the pickled radish that he had put inside for you. Continuing to munch on the dinner, you opened the can of beer and poured it into the glasses Seungcheol had gotten earlier.

“Thanks,” you said as you chewed, huffing from the heat and spice of the meat.

Seungcheol quirked his eyebrow at you, slightly aghast at the sight of your stuffed cheeks. “Finish eating before you speak,” he scolded, using a napkin to wipe the sauce from the corner of your mouth. It was the little things like this that always made your heart flutter, but when he was always nagging you, a part of you wondered if maybe Seungcheol saw you more as a little sister instead of as a woman.

“You never answered my question,” you prodded, your eyes zeroing in on the shiny metal on his finger. He froze, pulling his hand away from you.

“What, I can’t visit my friend?”

“You can, but you usually call.”

Honestly, Seungcheol didn’t have a good enough excuse other than, “I forgot.”

Deciding not to interrogate him any further, you accepted his response and moved on. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Yeah, of course. Anything for you.” And there it was again. Those killer words and actions that sliced and punctured your heart, slowly wearing it away until there was nothing left but bits and pieces. He was making this really difficult, but you were steadfast in your resolution: after tonight, you would quit him no matter what.

For the remainder of the evening, you and Seungcheol cleared out the dakgalbi and several cans of beer while watching the latest episode of Thirty-Nine. It was common for you both to watch TV shows and movies together; though he was known for his intimidating look and build, Seungcheol had quite the affinity for romance movies and shows. In college, you would sometimes skip the parties and spend the night watching rom-coms instead. It was almost like a tradition for you two to have a marathon when you felt too lazy to do anything or felt that you “deserved” it after submitting your midterms and finals.

You didn’t know this, but that was one of his favorite things to do with you until you started dating Yanan, a generally sweet guy, but he had a tendency for jealousy, and so your movie nights became more scarce. Seungcheol and Yanan never got along; Yanan didn’t like that your closest friend was a guy, and Seungcheol didn’t like that the closest guy to you wasn’t him. When the two of them were together, it was a constant competition for your attention.

Yanan was your standard, run-of-the-mill guy from the countryside: gentlemanly, sweet, and he always looked out for you. You felt protected when you stood next to him. It didn’t help that he was also tall with broad shoulders (thanks to his history as a swimmer), and he had the kind of smile that lit up the whole room, that cheesy, Taylor-Swift-lyrics type of smile that was contagious. You were happy with Yanan.

For a while. Those once saccharine smiles turned sour, and you had found yourself arguing with him almost daily. The problem?

Seungcheol.

Yanan had had enough of your friendship with him, forcing you to choose between your boyfriend and your best friend. And though you thought you loved Yanan, you were absolutely sure you loved Seungcheol too much to just throw away your friendship for a guy.

Coincidentally, Seungcheol started dating Sookyung around this time; you were happy for him—of course you were—but you weren’t immune to the little green monster’s poison that seeped through your veins. Just like Seungcheol had seen less and less of you when you were with Yanan, the two of you didn’t seem to have many moments to be alone anymore.

Sookyung was sweet, like, truly, genuinely the sweetest person you’d ever known. She was kind and beautiful and had long, brown tresses that swayed with her body when she moved. And most importantly? She made Seungcheol happy. When he introduced her to you, you wanted to find a reason, any reason, to dislike her, but she was flawless. When you swore like a sailor and sat with your legs wide open, she would cover her mouth when she laughed, her legs crossed like a proper lady.

You were one of the boys, and she was Seungcheol’s girl. Still, you clung onto the hope that maybe they’d break up, and maybe you would have your best friend back.

That never happened.

What did happen, though, was the worst day of your life—the day Seungcheol got on one knee and pulled out a sparkly diamond ring, the words, “Will you marry me?” sounding like a foreign language coming out of his mouth.

And lucky you, you got to be there for the supposedly joyous moment, but instead, your whole world had just shattered. Perhaps even worse than the proposal, worse than Sookyung saying “yes,” was when Seungcheol asked you to be his fiancée’s bridesmaid. What were you going to say? No?

And so you, being the infatuated fool that you were, agreed, saying the little word that was so simple, yet so devastating. “Yes,” you had told him. “Absolutely. I’ll do it. Anything for you.”

Anything.

To be fair, you thought maybe by then you’d be over him, dating someone else, someone who made you not just happy but happier. As if your life couldn’t fall apart any more than it already had, you were also heavily involved in the wedding planning process. Sookyung always asked you to help with this and that because she and Seungcheol “trusted your eye for design.” Curse your artistic gifts—you never thought they’d bite you in the ass like this. Yet, you obliged, going to cake tastings, helping Sookyung pick out linens, and lending a hand in arranging the florist and caterers. Hell, you were practically their wedding planner.

And what sealed your fate was the day you went wedding dress shopping with Sookyung. You wondered if maybe one day that would be you standing on the stage, mirrors and loved ones surrounding you while you evaluated the white gown on your body, clipped in the back to fit you.

She was stunning.

Stepping out of the fitting room with an ecstatic fitting assistant, Sookyung looked effortlessly beautiful in the lace gown, tulle draping down her sides in a stunning A-line silhouette. You were breathless looking at her, and you understood then, in that moment, why anyone loved her—why Seungcheol loved her. If this was the effect she had on you, you could only imagine how your best friend would feel seeing her walk down the aisle, and lucky you, you were going to be the one to bear witness to it all.

“Well,” Seungcheol spoke, grunting as he stood up to throw away your trash, “guess it’s time to go home.”

You looked at the clock. 11:48 PM. It had been a while since he had been over this late, and you hadn’t realized how much time passed in your daze.

“You should tell Sookyung to come over for dinner one of these days,” you proposed, though your words were a bit empty.

“Yeah.” There was a pause, as if he was searching for the right thing to say. “I will.”

He made his way to the sink, ready to wash the utensils, but you stopped him. “I’ll do them. Go home.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It’s late.”

“Okay.”

You watched him put on his sneakers, that all-too-familiar view of his back haunting you. He let out a deep sigh as he stood up again, turning to look at you. There was a fond look in his eyes as he pressed his lips into a tight smile, causing a dimple to form in his cheek.

The thing about Seungcheol was that he hated goodbyes, and so he never said them to you. To him, goodbyes meant the end, and your friendship was forever. He was a firm believer in that stupid saying, “It’s not ‘goodbye,’ it’s ‘see you later,’” and as cheesy as it was, you obliged him, never saying “goodbye” to him either.

“I’ll call you,” he said before turning to go down the hall where the elevators were.

“Good, dickhead.”

He let out a hearty laugh. Regardless of how crude your words were, they brought a level of comfort to him. You waved at him until he was no longer in your sight.

Goodbye, Seungcheol.

———

“Are you going to take it?” Dahyun exclaimed, grasping your hand in both of hers.

“That’s if I pass the interview first,” you replied with nonchalance, taking a sip of your cosmo.

“Of course you’re going to pass the interview. You’re going to get it, dummy. No one deserves that job more than you.”

You hoped Dahyun was right. You had been with your marketing company for the past four years, and an opening for a manager position had become available. The only catch was that you’d have to move two hours outside of the city, but maybe that’s exactly what you needed. With him out of sight, he’d certainly be out of mind, and quitting would become easier than it was now.

“You’re moving?” Vernon asked.

“Hi, Vern,” Dahyun said with a sly smile. You watched the bartender’s ears turn red as he nodded at her in return but turned his attention back to you. “Yes, she is.”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe,” you corrected her.

“Does this have anything to do with your friend?” he interrogated.

“No.”

Vernon shot you a pointed look.

“Maybe.” You chugged the remainder of the vodka in your glass, the alcohol burning your throat as it went down, warming your body from within.

The following morning, you packed your bags and threw them into the back of your shabby Honda Accord—though it was old, you could always trust it to get you where you needed to be. You had taken a few days off from work to go to this interview; you needed a break, and maybe a couple extra days would help you prepare for this interview and, most importantly, clear your mind from everything that was plaguing you.

It was only a three-day trip, but you were excited to get away and even potentially land this job—if not, maybe it was time for you to find a different company. Regardless of what happened, it was a much-needed break. In the days prior, you had made a sort of “breakup” playlist even though technically you and Seungcheol had never been together, but maybe blasting songs about how you deserved better would actually trick you into thinking such a thing.

You deserved to be someone’s first choice—not their second—and you kept telling yourself this during your drive, the road to your hotel seemingly never ending. You pulled up outside a large building; the company had paid for you to stay here, and you were thankful for it. Despite your current pay grade, you were still a bit of a cheapskate, and if it had been up to you, you’d have booked a cheaper place, but this wasn’t your money, so you didn’t care.

After you checked in, you were given a balcony room on the eighth floor with a view of the river. The floors were a clean, white tile, and it was a large, spacious room, one that was much too big for a single person, but again, it wasn’t your money, and you weren’t about to complain. You had a couple days before your interview, and despite being in a new city, all you really wanted to do was, well, nothing. You opened your maps app and looked for nearby restaurants and things to do—someone had recommended a walk by the river, and given your current view, it didn’t seem to be too far away. A long walk along the river sounded perfect.

It was the best decision you had made—even though the weather was below freezing, the walk was refreshing, and you realized that you hadn’t had much time to stretch your legs these days. Your job required you to be glued to your desk and chair nearly 24/7, and you couldn’t find it in you to make time to go to the gym.

Sometimes, life was better when you didn’t have a plan, so you decided just to walk wherever your legs would take you, only checking your phone in case someone texted or called you about the job. The frigid air bit the skin on your cheeks, which made you stuff your face deeper into your coat, your hands shoved into the depths of your pockets, but this was a pain you preferred to the other one you felt in your heart. Not many people were out right now; most people, you assumed, were staying warm in the comforts of their home instead of taking walks along the river in glacial temperatures.

When your legs began to grow sore and the muscles in your knees tightened, you decided that it was best for you to return to your hotel before you became too tired. The door unlocked after a melodic beep, and you immediately collapsed onto the bed, hoping the comforter would swallow you whole. The fabric was cool against your face as you stared blankly at the wall pondering your life—how did you get here, being hopelessly in love with your best friend? What would have happened if you had just told him no? If you had just quit him early on? Maybe you would have been much happier than you were now instead of running away from your problems.

Hunger prevailed as your stomach growled; the prior walk had taken too much out of you that you decided you would just go down to the convenience store right outside the hotel and grab some ramen and maybe a couple cans of beer. A smart person wouldn’t have been so lazy and would have explored the area that they might be moving to, but a smart person also wouldn’t have been in love with their best friend or agreed to be his wife’s bridesmaid or secretly wish for him to divorce said wife.

But hey, you weren’t a genius. Nor were you a saint. You knew this, yet you still hated yourself for feeling this way, but at the same time, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t let go of your feelings for Seungcheol.

You shook your head.

No.

You wouldn’t think of him while you were gone. Out of sight, out of mind. That was how the saying went, right?

Closing your eyes, you let the harsh hotel light seep through your eyelids. Just then, your brief moment of peace was disturbed by the sound of your phone ringing.

Speak of the fucking devil.

You unlocked your phone and sat up.

“Hey,” you said, trying your best to sound enthusiastic.

Cheollie wants to turn on video.

Accept?

Accept.

“Where are you? You home?”

“No, I’m… out of town.”

“For what?”

“Business meeting.” Obviously, that was a lie. You were interviewing for the manager position, and if you got it, you’d be moving out here for the foreseeable future. He didn’t have to know that, though.

“Oh. Nearby?”

“Ish?”

“Give me a room tour.”

“Okay.”

You flipped the camera around and showed him the room the company had booked for you—a Premium Deluxe Queen Suite with a Balcony and View of the River. It was pretty fucking nice and you were thankful your boss was onboard with letting you come for four days instead of two.

“Damn, luxury living,” Seungcheol drawled out.

“I know, isn’t this shit nice?”

“For a meeting? When did they start rolling in money?”

“Gotta thank those angel investors for believing in us.”

“Are you eating well?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Cheol. What are you? My mother?” Your voice was starting to sound defensive, even you knew this, but you couldn’t help it.

“You’re not eating ramen and beer are you?”

You paused, eyeing the cups and cans on your bedside table. Maybe he wouldn’t notice.

“What’s the address of the hotel you’re staying at?”

“Why?”

“I’m gonna order you delivery.”

“I’m fine—”

“Address. Now.” You groaned and sent him your location over messages. “Room number?”

“808.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not getting delivery now, are you? I’m about to eat.”

“No, but expect it tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Tomorrow came when you opened your eyes, the sunlight barely able to come through those blackout curtains of the hotel. Propping yourself up, you checked your phone.

Have a good conference :)

It was actually irritating how supportive Seungcheol was, but you guessed that’s what best friends were supposed to do. Be supportive and not fall in love with each other. Maybe you should take note of that.

You murmured self-affirmations to yourself as you craned your neck towards the mirror, pulling the mascara wand up and away from your lashes to give them some length and volume. To pull your look together, you picked your favorite lip tint, a classy and chic mauve that looked natural but put together.

Taking one last look at yourself in the mirror, you adjusted your grey blazer and matching trousers and slipped your feet into your black block heels—you were going to make today your bitch.

Your interview process was split into two sessions throughout the day: a group session in the morning and a solo interview in the afternoon. Despite your nerves and anxiety, when you arrived at the conference rooms of the building, a sudden burst of confidence surged through your veins, invigorating your spirit with such electricity that you nearly blacked out from the adrenaline rush.

To say that you thought the day went well would be an understatement, and what better way to celebrate a good day than with some ramen and beer. The bell above the 7-Eleven door chimed as you nearly slammed it against the wall from excitement, whistling while your eyes scanned the various types of alcohol on display in the cooler.

Cass, Heineken, Corona, BudLight, Hite, soju, makgeolli, sake, red wine, white wine.

Hmm. Rosé seemed good. Maybe that and… peach soju, and… a Cass beer. It was a recipe for disaster, but you had two full days to recover before you had to head back to the city anyway. And you couldn’t drink on an empty stomach, so you grabbed several triangle kimbaps from the counter and threw them in your basket as well.

Yeah, this was good, you thought to yourself, already feeling drunk on the thought of what the future would bring despite not having had a single sip of your alcohol yet.

When you returned to your hotel, you turned the shower on, steam fogging up the glass immediately. You would have a relaxing shower and let your drinks cool a bit before spending the night drinking and watching whatever movies the hotel had to offer on the TV.

The hot water warmed your skin and soothed your muscles; they had been aching all day, but you hadn’t noticed the pain in all your elation. The shampoo and conditioner smelled of jasmine, tangerines, and eucalyptus, which only alleviated your senses further.

After your shower, you threw on the gratuitous robe the hotel offered, wrapped your hair up in your towel, and put the slippers—also complimentary— on to live your best, luxurious life. In all the buzz and enthusiasm, you had completely forgotten about Seungcheol’s promise of ordering delivery, that was, until you got another text from him.

How do you feel about steak tacos?

i’m more of a carnitas gal

Done.

Within the hour, there was a knock on the door—presumably your delivery—but to your surprise, your best friend (whom, mind you, you were trying to quit) was standing outside your hotel door, two plastic bags lifted above his head as he barged into your room without another word.

“I thought you were ordering delivery,” you inquired, pulling the robe over your chest. You tried your best to hide the fact that you were completely naked underneath the white fabric, covertly grabbing your pajamas and underwear from the bed before sneaking into the bathroom to change. Fortunately, he had his back to you while he unpacked the food.

“I am the delivery,” he replied cheekily. God, you hated him right now, but the smell of those tacos were more enticing than your supposed hatred for your best friend.

“What are you doing here?” You stepped out, hands hurriedly drying your hair with your towel, though really you were hiding your anxiety.

“I’m not allowed to hang out with my best friend?”

“I’m just…” you paused, contemplating the right words to say. Devastated? Upset? Shocked? What word could really capture the way you were feeling right then and there? “…surprised to see you.”

“Good, my plan worked,” he said, placing the bags on the spare space of the marble counter in your room. Pulling out the food, as well as several cans of beer, he looked at you with accomplishment. “Carnitas for the lady, steak for me.”

For the lady. In an alternate universe, ‘lady’ would imply that you were his lady, not just some word that wrung your heart dry like a towel. How in the world were you supposed to get over him when he was doing shit like this? Even then, you didn’t have the heart to turn him away, let alone be honest about the way he made you feel.

No.

He could never know.

It was better for everyone that your secret stayed exactly that—a secret. Sure, maybe Vernon and Dahyun knew, but that was enough because you knew that they weren’t children who would spread something like that without your permission.

“Dig in,” Seungcheol said, his eyes watching you with anticipation.

Eagerly, you picked up the taco, the aroma quickly filling your hotel room. The warmth of the tortilla and crispy pork was delicious as it melted in your mouth, contrasted by the cool, crunchy texture of the pico de gallo. Everything about this moment was perfect, again, minus the fact that the man you were in love with was married, the silver ring on his left hand glistening under the luminous hotel lights.

Sitting on your bed with him now reminded you of the days before your lives got complicated, the days when you would spend just about every waking moment together. Especially after your father passed away, Seungcheol would always take care of you, unwrapping your triangle kimbaps and poking straws through the aluminum lid of banana milks. Back then, the only thing you two were really worried about was if you had enough crumpled bills in the pockets of your uniforms for snacks after school. You didn’t know what love was or what it felt like to be consumed by a poisonous jealousy that would eat away at your soul for years on end.

Back then, things were simple.

“Hey!” Seungcheol yelled out as you took a bite of your next taco. “Be careful, you’re going to get oil on the bed sheets, and then they’ll charge you extra.”

“You act like I can’t afford to pay for an extra dry cleaning service.”

“That’s not the point,” he nagged. He always nagged. Always. Whether it was about making sure you had your homework and pencils, or about the way you ate, he was always nagging. But a part of you liked it since you knew he only did it because he cared.

Would he always care about you this way? It wasn’t a complex question, but the answer wasn’t so simple. What would happen when he left? Not just the hotel, but your life? When he and Sookyung would announce that they’re having their first child? Or their second? Third? Would he still make sure you were wiping your mouth? Would he still open triangle kimbap for you? Make sure all your banana milks had a straw through the lid?

“Are you happy?”

You were in the middle of a bite when his question threw you off guard; were you?

Even if you were breaking from the inside out, even if you were suffering through one of the most painful heartbreaks in your life, he could never know that you were unhappy nor that he was the cause of it. “Yeah,” you lied with confidence. “I am. Are you?”

He was staring out the window at the river as if the moonlight glistening on the water had hypnotized him.

“Cheol?”

“What?”

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. I want you to be happy,” you told him. It was true—you wanted him to be happy, but you also wanted to be the reason for his happiness.

“I want you to be happy, too,” he said with a sad smile. You could tell he had something on his mind, but if you asked, then he would tell you what was bothering him, and that would only make it harder for you to push him away.

After you had finished eating, Seungcheol took it upon himself to clean up (which only made the aching in your heart worse). He plopped down onto the bed where you were laying, your eyes fixated on the bright light fixture in the ceiling.

The two of you didn’t talk about anything of importance that night—instead, you recounted high school memories, complained about annoying coworkers, and gushed about the ending of that drama you had been watching. Despite the cans of beer that Seungcheol had brought sitting out on your vanity, they remained completely untouched for the most part (Seungcheol drank a couple and you stole a few sips of his) since he had to leave soon anyway.

Or so you thought.

Your conversations lasted hours, and before you knew it, you had passed out. The sunlight trickled into your hotel room as your eyes fluttered open to adjust to the brightness. When you adjusted your position in the bed, you felt something strange and firm under your neck—

Oh no.

This was bad. Very, very, extremely, terribly, horribly bad. Seungcheol was next to you with his arm under your head. You were sure that nothing had happened last night—you were both fully clothed—but even if you didn’t sleep together, sleeping together wasn’t a good look either, especially if someone were to walk in on you like this. It wasn’t like you could easily provide excuses as to why you were so close to your friend who, mind you, was in a happy marriage with a woman whom he loved very much (and wasn’t you).

Slowly, you rolled out of bed, cautious as to not disturb the sleeping lion next to you.

Even though it was your day off, you had to get out of there because the longer you stayed, the chances of you doing something you’d regret for the rest of your life increased tenfold. All you needed was your wallet which was… right next to Seungcheol on the bedside table. Great.

Your footsteps were soft against the tiled floor, your socks doing a good job of dampening each step. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were projecting some kind of fantasy onto him, but even while he was asleep, he seemed happier than he had been those other times you had seen him.

Seungcheol had insomnia, but seeing him sleep so peacefully like this, his long lashes flush against his skin, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly with each exhale, his lips that you wish you could taste, just this once—

But you wouldn’t. You couldn’t. He wasn’t yours in a capacity that would allow you to entertain such thoughts. Yet, maybe you would just look…

His eyes fluttered open and now you were really fucked, your face only centimeters away from his. The silence of your room drowned out your thoughts and you stood up quickly.

“Um, morning. I’m just heading out. I have another meeting with a client,” you lied. It was Saturday, but for all he knew, this could be a conference, and you were fortunate that Seungcheol had absolutely zero knowledge of the industry because you’d be more screwed than you already were. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll see you.”

Turning on your heels, you tried to walk away as quickly as possible, but you were stopped by the feeling of his hand grabbing onto yours.

“Were you about to…”

Right then and there, the blood drained from your face and your limbs went numb.

There was nothing more that you wanted than to disappear off the face of the earth, yet why was it that you were thinking about how good it felt to hold his rough hands?

“I’ll see you later,” you blurted out, yanking your hand from his and leaving the room without looking back. Not even once.

———

“Cheers!” The shouting of your coworkers and best friends were somehow able to drown out the pounding bass of the dive bar. Vernon had offered you and Dahyun free shots for the night, but since you were moving first thing in the morning, limiting yourself to a happy buzz was the farthest you would go tonight.

“I am so proud of you,” Dahyun exclaimed, planting a kiss on your cheek. This was her drunk habit—kissing her best friend and getting extremely touchy, though you didn’t mind. She was cute, giggly, and of course, more bold when she drank. You wouldn’t be surprised if somehow she managed to go home with Vernon tonight with the amount of courage she now had in her system—about time, too. They were cute and you had been trying to get them together for a while now. Any success they had, they’d have to owe it all to you.

“Thanks, boo,” you replied, the pet name coming out with ease as the alcohol swirled in your body.

“Let’s dance!” She slammed her glass against the counter (this caused Vernon to wince at the idea of his precious crystalline being smashed into pieces) and was quick to grab your hand, dragging you out to the dance floor where you weaved through warm bodies moving drunkenly to the music. Under the strobing red, blue, and green lights, you let the music and the alcohol take control of your body—for once, it felt nice to let loose and feel all your worries dissipate into the night.

On the walk home, your head buzzed from the drinks, and for the first time in a while, you were excited at the prospect of your future. Perhaps things would work out after all. As you neared your apartment, a familiar man stood outside kicking at the ground.

“Cheol?”

“When were you going to tell me?” His voice was sullen.

“Tell you what?” In reality, you knew exactly what he was asking about, though you thought maybe by playing dumb, somehow that would prolong your encounter with reality, a reality that didn’t involve Seungcheol.

He furrowed his eyebrows. You hated the way he looked at you. “That you got a new job?”

A lump formed in your throat. Suddenly, it was hard to swallow. All the happiness you felt just thirty minutes ago disappeared in the blink of an eye. You thought maybe you could get away scot-free and disappear from his life quietly, but with him standing here in front of you like this, it was becoming clear that you had to face your reality.

As you searched for something, anything, to say, Seungcheol began tapping his foot against the pavement, impatient for an answer. When you didn’t respond, he scoffed. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“You are—”

“So, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was going to—”

“When? Huh? After you moved?”

“What?”

“You’re moving tomorrow, aren’t you?”

How did he know that?

“Seungcheol—”

“I can’t believe you. You are so ridiculous.”

You pressed your lips into a tight line. It didn’t matter that he was right, that you were ridiculous—hearing that from him only annoyed you.

“Well, now you know,” you responded, your tone dry and uncaring.

The incredulous laugh he let out stung and made your heart ache. “Yeah, and I had to find out from everyone except you. You know, you’re the one person I thought I could trust. I thought you trusted me.”

I do, you wanted to tell him.

“You’ve been weird since that weekend,” he said, changing the subject. How could you not feel weird when you almost found yourself kissing your married best friend? If loving a taken man was a line you weren’t supposed to cross, then almost kissing him would send you straight to hell. Worse yet, you didn’t think he would notice.

But of course he did. He was your best friend after all, and for all the moments he could be dense as fuck, he knew you like the back of his hand—or, at least he thought he did. Despite his best efforts to decipher your words and actions lately, it seemed that every conclusion he came to was dead wrong. Even now, he couldn’t tell what you were thinking, your poker face doing a good job of hiding how you truly felt inside.

“I’ve just been busy,” you tried to defend yourself.

“No. You’re hiding something.”

“I’m not—”

“What aren’t you telling me? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

You kind of were, but mostly you were mad at yourself. So much could have been avoided if you had confessed your feelings to Seungcheol in university when you had the chance. Foolishly, you allowed yourself to believe that your feelings for him were fleeting, a passing moment that would come and go like the seasons. Your love had no expiration date, you’d find out later.

“No…”

“Then what is it? Why are you acting like this? Why can’t you answer my questions?”

Something in you snapped, your eyes went red, and suddenly you were shouting at the man you had loved for most of your life. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know why I can’t answer your questions. I don’t know why I’m acting this way. What I do know is that I want you to leave me alone.”

“No.” His voice was firm like the grasp he had on your arms, his fingers constricting around your skin. “Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“I don’t fucking know!” Tears formed in the corners of your eyes as you tried your hardest to hold them back, your eyes looking at the ground to avoid the inevitable onslaught of emotion that would happen if you looked at him.

“Yes you do! Look at me,” he said, shaking you.

“Fine! I’m a fucking idiot, okay? I’m a fucking idiot who’s stupidly in love with you, and I can’t stand that I’ve been doing this for so long now, and I just want to get away from it all. I just want to get away from you.”

Seungcheol’s face loosened as he slowly processed your words, his brain a jumbled mess. He eased his grip on you, making it easy for you to shake him off as you two stood there awkwardly. You turned away from him, wiping the tears that were now streaming down your face.

You took a step back. “I think it’s best you don’t call me. In fact, I think we shouldn’t see each other ever again. Goodbye, Seungcheol.”

And without looking back, you turned your back on him, an ache boring through your soul as you walked inside your building.

———

The past year flew by—you had settled nicely into your job as the manager for your marketing and design firm, and your new team seemed to love you already. You had an assistant, Chan, to help schedule your meetings—something you weren’t used to—but you did enjoy the convenience that came with having him there.

Your fingers clacked away at your keyboard as you were preparing a presentation for a big client when a knocking on your door snapped you out of your zone. “Come in,” you blurted.

“Someone’s here to see you,” Chan said, peeking his head through the doorframe.

“Do I have a meeting scheduled right now? I thought I was free until the afternoon,” you replied, not looking up from your monitor.

“Nothing’s on the schedule as far as I know.”

“Okay. Let them in.” Chan nodded and opened the door, letting the guest in.

The moment you caught a glimpse of her face, you shot up from your seat. You recognized her bright eyes and high cheekbones, the way her long black hair framed her face perfectly, and the sheer elegance she exuded no matter where she went. There was only one thing that was different: her belly.

Everything about her had remained the same except now her hands were holding her stomach.

She was hesitant to come in further, and upon seeing the shock on your face, she wondered if being here was as good of an idea as she had intended. “Hi,” she said, her voice awkward like she was a teenager entering her first day of school.

“Sookyung?” You stood up immediately, rounding the corner of your desk.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” she spoke.

“Yeah… it has been…” You didn’t realize you were still staring at her baby bump until your office fell dead silent, the only sounds coming from your mini-fridge and your desk fan that you kept on while you worked. “Please,” you said, gesturing towards the couch. “Sit down.”

She must have been pretty far along given the size of her belly and the noise she made when she sat on the leather cushion, relieved to be off her feet.

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“I wouldn’t mind a little tea,” she replied sheepishly.

“Is jasmine okay?”

She nodded.

As you prepared the hot water, you kept your back to her, your brain running through every possible scenario as to why she was here. Yet, despite your desperate attempt to plan how you would approach this, you weren’t ready for what she was about to tell you.

When the water finished boiling, you poured it into the mugs you only pulled out for your VIP clients. “Be careful,” you warned her. “It’s hot.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking the mug into her hands.

“So… what… are you doing here? How did you find me?”

Sookyung just stared into her mug, contemplating how to explain herself.

“Sorry,” you blurted. “I… I’m just surprised to see you. How… how are you doing?”

She looked up finally and met you with a hesitant smile. “Seungcheol told me you got a new job here, and I have a friend who works here as well–but I’m good. I’ve never been better actually.” Your eyes fell upon her belly again.

“How far along are you?”

“Six and a half months.”

“Wow, Soo, congratulations! You and Seungcheol must be so happy!”

Her face dropped at your mention of his name.

“Actually, that’s why I came to see you.”

Your stomach flipped. “What do you mean?”

“We… got divorced.”

“You what?”

“You guys what?” Your eyes fell on her hands, a ring decorating her left finger. “But your—”

“It was a long time coming,” she chuckled softly. “This is from someone else.”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean ‘It was a long time coming’? You guys were fine.”

“Is that what it seemed like?”

It was. But you also couldn’t remember the last time Seungcheol had talked about his married life with Sookyung.

“We fought a lot,” she continued. “Like, a lot.”

“Soo, I’m… I’m sorry to hear that.”

She shook her head. “It’s not your fault,” she offered, yet an abrupt wave of guilt washed over you. “Do you remember our wedding day?”

You nodded.

———

Of course you remembered their wedding day—who could forget the way Seungcheol looked at you when you arrived after telling him you wouldn’t make it? The two of you had gotten into a nasty fight just weeks prior when you had asked him if he was sure jumping into marriage was the right choice.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” he had said. In all your years of friendship, you had never gotten into a fight as bad as this one, but neither of you would back down because of your pride.

“You’ve barely been together for a year, and suddenly you’re engaged and getting married? It doesn’t make sense!”

“No, you’re just sad, and lonely, and bitter because everyone you date ends up dumping you because you can’t give them what they want.”

“Fuck you, Choi Seungcheol.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yeah. You are.” He wasn’t. He was completely right, because you could never fully give yourself to anyone. Your heart belonged to one person, and one person only: him. But you couldn’t tell him that.

“If you’re going to be like this, then get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Fine.”

“And don’t even think about showing up to the wedding.”

You swore your heart dropped to the floor. You knew you should have turned around and apologized, but you let your stubbornness get the best of you as you slammed his door behind you.

Neither of you meant any of the things you had said, but it didn’t reverse the damage that had already been done. You had practically been uninvited to your best friend’s wedding, and upon hearing what had happened, Sookyung was the one to reach out and tell you that she really wanted you there. You had tried to tell her that you were uninvited, but she reminded you that this was her wedding, too, but you held your line. And you were almost able to get away with it had it not been for Seungkwan begging you to drive him to the wedding hall after Soonyoung had woken up late.

None of your other friends had known about the fight, and you fully intended on dropping him off and leaving until he dragged you inside. You had missed the ceremony, but the reception was in full force, the other guests mixing and mingling with drinks in hand.

“Seungkwan—” his voice echoed through the hallway, stopping when he saw you.

“Seungcheol, congratulations!” Seungkwan exclaimed, approaching his friend with a big hug. “Now, where’s Sookyung?”

“She’s… in the other room,” Seungcheol’s voice trailed off, his eyes fixed on you instead. He had always been an open book, his emotions written all over his face, but that day, you couldn’t tell what was going through his mind.

“Great, I gotta go see her.” And with that, Seungkwan was gone, leaving the two of you alone.

“Um, hey,” you said.

“Hey.”

“C-congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

The silence was so much louder than the hooting and hollering of the guests in the reception hall.

“I’m sorry—”

“Sorry for—”

You paused and looked at him. Clearing your throat, you asserted yourself. “I’m sorry for what happened a few weeks ago. I was being too overprotective of you when I should have just trusted you.”

“I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean what I said that night. I just—”

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” you told him, wrapping him in your arms. “I want you to know that I’m happy for you, Cheol. I really am. You’re my best friend and you deserve to be the happiest.”

He returned your embrace. “You’re my best friend, too. I couldn’t ever stand to lose you. You deserve to be the happiest, too.”

“I am,” you had said, and though that was a lie, maybe it would be true one day.

———

“I’m not following, Soo. What does your wedding day have to do with your divorce?” Your throat suddenly felt like it was constricting, depriving you of the oxygen you needed to live.

“Our wedding day… it was a mistake.” Despite everything that had happened, she still managed to smile. If you were her, you weren’t sure you could do the same. But she wasn’t you—she was Shim Sookyung, the girl everyone loved because she was just that kind and lovely.

“There’s no way. You guys are perfect for each other!” Despite that deep-seated desire in your heart that you once harbored for Seungcheol to be yours, this new reality somehow didn’t seem any better. Sure, your best friend was single now, but why was it starting to feel like all of this was your fault?

Sookyung let out a chuckle. “You guys are too similar. Seungcheol said the same thing when I asked for the divorce.”

“Soo, I’m confused. What’s going on?”

“I’ve known for a long time that we weren’t going to work. I knew that Seungcheol’s heart didn’t belong to me, but mine didn’t belong to him either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… fell in love with someone else. A long time ago. His name is Youngbin. During university, he had graduated and moved away, and I thought I would never see him again. And so I started dating Seungcheol to cope with my heartbreak. I didn’t think it would last long, but a selfish part of me wanted to hold onto him because maybe, just maybe, if I was with him long enough, I’d forget about Youngbin. But just before the wedding, Youngbin moved back and he reached out to me. He asked me to run away with him, but I told him no, I was in love with Seungcheol. We had gone through so much trouble to plan the wedding and invite everyone, I couldn’t just call it off. But I should have. I was a coward.”

“Soo…”

“I know, I’m pathetic,” she admitted. “In the beginning, things were fine. I thought, ‘Maybe I could see myself with Seungcheol for the rest of my life,’ but things turned for the worse quickly. We fought a lot over the smallest things, started sleeping in different rooms, and I was living with a man I didn’t know anymore. And you know Cheol, he never backs down.”

You nodded. You did know that, and you knew that well.

“I tried, I really tried to tell myself that this was the right decision—that he was the right decision—but ultimately, I knew the answer. We both did. It was clear from the beginning, but he was too prideful and I was too selfish to admit it.”

“So, then what about…” your voice trailed off, but your eyes pointed to her baby bump.

“Oh, it’s not Cheol’s, if that’s what you’re wondering,” she laughed. You wondered how even through all of this, she could be so calm and nonchalant. Sure, she had been nervous coming into your office, but now that she could get all of this off her chest, relief washed over her. “Youngbin and I,” she continued, now holding her belly. “We’re getting married.”

Your eyes widened and you swore you nearly dropped your mug (which, mind you, was still full of piping hot water). “Oh my god, Sookyung! That’s,” you paused, trying to find the right words, “amazing!”

“Thank you,” she smiled at you. “But this isn’t what I came here to tell you.”

Your eyebrows wrinkled with confusion. What else could she possibly tell you after dropping the bomb that she and Seungcheol were divorced and she was pregnant with another man’s baby?

“Seungcheol and I,” she continued. “We’re on good terms. He congratulated me on my engagement and the baby. I guess I just want you to know that we’re on good terms. I don’t have anything against you or Cheol. I love you guys, and I always will.”

If not for the sound of your team hustling and bustling outside, perhaps you could have heard your heart shattering.

“Soo, what are you trying to get at?”

“I think you guys should be together.”

“No.” The answer flew out of your mouth before you even had time to fully process what she was trying to tell you. “No, I couldn’t. I can’t do that to you.”

“You’re not doing anything to me. If anything, you’d be doing me a favor because then I can stop worrying about you both.”

“Worry about us? That doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense is Seungcheol and I spending four years of our lives denying our hearts and trying to find the answers in each other when they were never there in the first place. You may not see it, but he loves you.”

“No, he doesn’t. You should have seen us the day before I left. He was so upset with me. We’re not friends anymore, Soo.”

“You should have seen him when he came home that night. He was heartbroken. You’re his best friend—”

“Was his best friend.”

“No, you still are. Listen to me,” she said, reaching across the table to grab your hands. “You still are his best friend. I don’t know what was said that night, but nothing will ever change that fact.”

“Sookyung—”

“Listen to me. Trust me, if not yourself. You guys really are too similar,” she laughed again. “You should talk to him. Figure out your stuff. Be happy. With each other.”

You could only shake your head. How could she possibly know how Seungcheol felt about you? If you were him, you’d never want to see you again after what happened that night. Imagine the heartbreak he felt when you, his best friend, didn’t tell him the biggest news of your life. On top of that, you had confessed your long-time love for him and declared you never wanted to see him ever again. At this point, did you even deserve happiness?

Why would he want to see you, let alone talk to you?

“I don’t know if there’s hope for us anymore.”

“How would you know if you never ask him? God,” she huffed teasingly, “you two really are similar, and I hate you both for it.”

“We are not!”

The cackle that came out of her mouth was almost insulting. “He literally said the same thing to me. Just trust me and talk to him. Please. It’s the least you could do for me.”

“Soo, please,” you groaned. You couldn’t believe she was pulling this card on you as if you hadn’t just ruined her marriage and been the cause of her divorce.

“What’s stopping you?”

“This is all my fault—”

“It’s all of our faults,” she assured you with a squeeze of your hands. The laughter that fell from her lips was as charming as ever. “We’re all idiots.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “We are, aren’t we?”

“Promise me you’ll talk to him?”

Sighing, you couldn’t bring yourself to say no to her. “Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

She stood up from her seat on your couch, releasing your hands. “I should probably get going. Bin is waiting for me downstairs.”

You watched as she wobbled to the door. “Soo?” She turned around, surprised when you wrapped her in your arms. “Thank you.”

“Let’s all be happy, okay?”

“Okay.”

———

Hey… can we talk?

Your fingers hovered over the ‘Send’ button before finding the backspace, the letters you had written gone in a blink. Since Sookyung’s visit, you had promised her you’d talk to Seungcheol, but every time you went to message him, you chickened out.

It was only four simple words, but doubt overcame your best intentions. What if he didn’t want to talk to you? What if he was seeing someone else? What if that only made things worse? But then again, how bad could it get at that point? It’s not like you had much to lose anymore, but the mere prospect of making his loss in your life more permanent made your heart ache.

Hot oil splattered against your skin, a miniscule moment of pain for delicious, grilled pork belly with pepper paste wrapped in cool, crisp lettuce. Your team had just landed a VIP client and it was all thanks to your hard work in gaining their trust. You were happy seeing your team’s bright, smiling faces, excited to do a job they were passionate about, and in theory, you were happy about the job, too. You wanted to be laughing and celebrating with them, but your mind kept looping back to Sookyung’s words.

You still are his best friend.

Be happy. With each other.

Taeyang, your lead designer, put a glass of beer in front of you, a shot glass of soju sitting atop a pair of chopsticks. “Drink up, chief,” he said cheekily.

You smiled at him, thankful at his gesture. You slammed the table with your fists and watched the smaller glass fall to the bottom of the larger, bubbles forming as the alcohol reacted with each other, your coworker whooping and cheering as you chugged the soju bomb.

Tonight, you wanted to be able to celebrate your wins with your team rather than moping over a message to send Seungcheol, so you locked your phone and put it on ‘Do not Disturb’ as you enjoyed the grilled meat and the company of your team. Your message to him would be a matter for tomorrow.

Maybe.

By the time dinner ended, you had drank enough to have a good time and you truly had forgotten about Seungcheol. You were happy, giggly even, and hiccuping as you sent off your team one-by-one in their taxis. Fortunately, your new apartment was only a seven-minute walk from the restaurant. You waved goodbye to your colleagues before taking off towards your home.

The frigid night air was refreshing against your warm skin, and you felt yourself sobering up with every step you took. Now, all you needed was a shower and to get snuggled up under your warm comforter.

The light from the lobby of your apartment grew brighter as you got closer, but you noticed someone standing just outside the doors. You squinted to see who it was, maybe your neighbor Joshua who had forgotten his keys in his apartment again. But as your vision cleared, you recognized him immediately—how could you not know his shoulders, his hair, that favorite red puffer jacket of his, his hands shoved deep into the pockets?

You were dreaming. You had to be, because why would he be here? Right? It didn’t make sense. Before you could scrutinize him any further, he turned around, a bit shocked to see you despite that being the reason he was here. In front of your apartment.

“Seungcheol?” Though a year had passed since you last saw him, his grip on your heart never loosened and you could hear it pounding in your ears.

“Um, hi,” he sniffled, his nose rosy and his breath visible from the cold air.

“What are you… how did you find my apartment?”

“Dahyun told me,” he confessed. Damn it, you couldn’t trust that girl to keep information to herself, could you?

“I… Why are you here?” Twice in one week you had asked two separate people that question, but you really didn’t understand why this was happening, and now of all times.

“Can we talk?” The words you had struggled with for the past week seemed so effortless coming from him. Little did you know that he only came here on impulse because he found himself having a hard time sending you a text as well.

“Um, yeah.” You motioned for him to follow you upstairs. The elevator ride up was quiet, which was now becoming more common for you two than not. It was strange, this new apartment of yours. For so long, Seungcheol had grown used to your old apartment, the one he knew almost as well as he knew you, but this one was uncharted territory for him. Even the elevator and lock outside your door were different. Never in his life had he felt so distant from you, and he hated every part of it.

When you entered your apartment, you haphazardly kicked off your shoes, still a bit drunk from earlier. He took his shoes off, too, arranging his and yours neatly by the door before stepping into your home. You went into the kitchen and turned the stove on, putting water into the kettle for tea.

“You can sit down,” you told him as you ripped the tea bags open.

He sat down on your couch—it was stiff and much newer than the one you’d previously had. Less broken in, he guessed. In fact, everything in your apartment was new and modern in contrast to the items you had bought second-hand at your last place. His mind wandered as you lingered in the kitchen, afraid to turn around and confront the reality that your best friend (well, ex-best friend) was sitting in your home at that very moment.

Did you ever bring other people here?

Did they know your apartment the way he knew your old one? Jealousy seeped within his veins at the idea that that was even possible.

Once the water was finished boiling, you poured it into two mugs with chamomile tea bags, the smell wafting gently into your nose. With a deep breath, you took the cups into the living room and set them down in front of him as you sat down on the chair adjacent to him.

“It’s hot, isn’t it?” you said, your voice cracking slightly. Awkwardly, you stood up to open the window. Granted, with it being winter, you hadn’t opened the window for several months, so it was difficult getting it to budge now.

“Here, let me help.” Before you knew it, you felt the warmth of his body behind you. With his strength, the window opened easily, but even with the winter air coming in, the tension didn’t go down.

You both sat down again and you took your mug into your hands. It was still too hot for you to be holding it, but the heat on your palms gave you something to think about other than what possible thing Seungcheol could say to you.

“So…” you began, “how are you?”

“How have you been?”

You smiled awkwardly at each other, your grip on your mug tightening as a reflex.

“I’m okay,” you replied. “Tired.” The longer you sat there, the more you started to feel the alcohol take its final toll on you, your eyes growing heavier with every passing second. Seungcheol noticed, too. Deciding it was probably best he tabled this discussion for tomorrow when you were in your right mind, he stood up.

“I think you should get some sleep instead.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, though you weren’t sure what was really going on anymore.

“Yeah, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” His voice was soft, and even in your tipsy, sleepy state, it was comforting.

You stood up to see him out the door, but your knees buckled from under you. Seungcheol caught you in time before you fell to the ground, helping you up. He should probably make sure you get to bed without hurting yourself before he left.

“Where’s your bedroom?” he asked.

Pointing to the closed door in the northwest corner of your living room, he led you inside and let you sit on the bed as he opened your closet, looking for pajamas for you to change into. When he opened a drawer, his heart ached—he immediately recognized a small graphic tee that peeked out from the bottom. That was his t-shirt. One that you had borrowed one time in high school when you were repainting your childhood bedroom and then claimed you “lost.” He had gotten so mad at you that he ignored you for five days until you came knocking on his door with various sweets you had baked yourself as a peace offering. It was then that he realized he could never be mad at you for too long. And it was then that he realized he wanted you to be in his life forever.

He pulled the shirt out along with a pair of pajama pants and dropped it into your lap.

“Can you get changed on your own?” he asked.

You nodded your head, the weight threatening to throw you forward. Seungcheol propped you up instead, helping you stand on your feet.

“Yeah. But don’t look,” you mumbled, pouting.

It was probably inappropriate to be thinking this way, but Seungcheol found you cute when you made that face, your eyebrows furrowed, your nose crinkled, and your bottom lip jutting out as far as it could go. It was the same face you used to make as a child when things wouldn’t go your way.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips. “I won’t,” he assured you, turning around first just to be sure. He stood in silence, the sound of the fabric against your skin mixed with your subdued grunts filling the room as you tried to change your clothes in your drunken state. He knew he shouldn’t but he was slightly curious, so, Seungcheol, being the nosy guy he was, he turned around to peek at you.

You had somehow managed to put your head through a sleeve, your right arm moving freely in the head hole as you struggled to pull the fabric over your head. Seungcheol had to stifle his laughter as he watched your fight with the article of clothing.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“No,” you confessed.

“Do you want some help?”

Silence.

“Maybe.”

“Okay. Here, let me help you,” he said, closing the gap between you two. For the first time in all your years of friendship, Seungcheol had never been so close to you in such an… intimate manner. He pulled the fabric up revealing your bare back; chills ran down his spine and he suddenly felt awkward. Adjusting the shirt so your head and your arms went through the proper openings, he pulled the shirt down quickly. “There.” Why was his face so warm?

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

“Sure.” Moving quickly, he untucked the comforter from under the mattress and sat down on the side of your bed, tapping the spot for you to lay down. You gave way to gravity and fell with a soft thud, your head barely missing the pillow. It took a bit of rearranging, but Seungcheol was able to get you to lay properly; when he was satisfied with his work, he covered your body with the blanket, tucking you in.

With your eyes closed and your breathing quiet, you looked so peaceful like this. Seungcheol tucked a stray hair behind your ear. He had done a lot of reflecting this past year, and as much as he wished he had gained some kind of clarity, instead all he got was a rollercoaster of emotions. He spiraled into a blackhole of ‘what-ifs,’ wondering if things would have been different now if he had just confessed to you before Yanan did, or if he had listened to you that day you asked him if he was sure about his marriage.

“I hate you,” you muttered. The three little words pierced his chest, but he knew that he at least deserved that much. He hated himself, too.

“I know,” he whispered under his breath.

“I… was supposed to… quit… you…” Even in your unconscious state, you stumbled over your words as they fell clumsily from your mouth.

“What do you mean?” he asked, not expecting a response.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Okay, then I’ll leave.”

“No,” you blurted, grabbing onto the back of his shirt. “Stay.”

Your eyes were still closed, but your eyebrows were furrowed, lips pouting again.

“You said I wasn’t supposed to be here.”

“Don’t go.”

The wall you had built around your heart suddenly came crumbling down, and this was the first show of vulnerability he had seen from you in a long time. Hearing the cracks in your voice, Seungcheol relived that sadness he felt that day you told him ‘goodbye.’ It was a painful memory, and he never wanted to believe you meant it, but your actions said otherwise.

But here you were, laying so quietly in front of him, calmer than that night, your grip on him pretty strong for someone who was inebriated and half-asleep. You weren’t sure what possessed you in that moment—perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the fear that if he walked out now, you might never see him again.

Somehow, that one small movement made his breath hitch, his heart palpitating with such force that he was afraid you might hear it in the silence.

“I won’t go.”

And he didn’t. He stayed with you the entire night, using a spare pillow from the couch in the living room to lay on the floor.

———

Last night, no, the entirety of this past week had felt like a fever dream. From Sookyung to…

Seungcheol.

You shot up in your bed, your head throbbing from the alcohol—you rubbed your eyes of the crust that had formed overnight, and it took a minute for your vision to clear up before you could see anything. Was he really here last night? Did he leave? Did you imagine that he slept there? There was a pillow from the living room and the spare blanket you had gotten for guests which you most certainly didn’t remember getting yourself, but nobody was there.

Slowly but surely, you got out of bed and slid your feet into your plush slippers, your toes curling against the soft fabric. Opening the door to the rest of your apartment, it was dead silent, but the smell of grease was first to greet your senses. Upon closer inspection, the table had a bowl of rice and to its side, a plate of fried spam and scrambled eggs. There was even a small plate of kimchi, your favorite thing to eat after a heavy night of drinking.

Your attention was caught by the slight snoring coming from the couch behind you; Seungcheol was laying on his side, drool coming from his slightly opened mouth. It was hard to stifle your laughter, but you didn’t want to wake him—with his insomnia, you wanted to make sure he got every second of sleep he could possibly get.

What you really needed, though, was a cup of coffee. Figuring the large guy on your couch could use one, too, you perched onto your toes to grab your nicer mugs from the top shelf. These days, you had resorted to instant coffee mix in tiny paper cups you had stolen from work. Why you did this, you weren’t quite sure yourself. Maybe it was the novelty of drinking from the paper cups that reminded you of those late nights in the library and the vending machines, but something about it hit differently than fresh coffee.

Today, however, was a freshly brewed coffee kind of day. You scooped out two spoons of medium roast coffee and put it into the machine, the rumbling of the water and brewing surprising you despite how often you’d used it before.

Deciding the breakfast he had (presumably) made for you wasn’t enough for two people, you took the bowl of rice and threw it back into the rice cooker to warm it up again. As much as you appreciated his efforts to cook, that’s the most credit he would get. Just one look at the dishes on the table and you could tell the spam was burnt and the scrambled eggs were too dry to be deemed edible. With a sorry heart, you watched the contents of the plate slide into the trash can. You’d have to remake breakfast, but you knew he’d thank you for it anyway.

The aroma slowly began to fill your apartment, stimulating Seungcheol to wake up.

“I made you breakfast,” he grunted, wiping his tired eyes.

“I saw that, but this isn’t enough for the two of us, dummy.”

Hearing you call him that made him believe that things between you were almost… normal. “I wasn’t planning on eating.”

“Well, now you’re going to.” It was more of a threat than an offer, and who was he to say no?

“What are you doing?”

“Frying the spam.”

“But I already made that…” his voice trailed off when he saw that the only thing left on the table was the kimchi.

“Yeah, poorly. We can’t eat what you made.”

His signature pout came out in full force, his lips protruding from his face.

The tension from last was almost nonexistent, as if you hadn’t gotten into a big fight and spent the past year not speaking to one another, as if you hadn’t told him you didn’t want to see him again. You stood in a silence that, once unfamiliar, was now more commonplace than you’d like, the only sounds in your apartment were the sizzling of oil on the pan as you threw on fresh eggs and spam. Unsure of what to do with himself, Seungcheol just loomed over you while you cooked the food—you kind of hated it because it felt like the times your mom would just stand there and watch you intently, like, what could she possibly want from you?

What could he possibly want from you?

“Okay,” you sighed, “breakfast is done.” With a swift turn of your wrist, everything came off the pan without difficulty onto the plate, the greasy smell stirring the appetite in your belly. Scooping two bowls of now warmed rice, you set them on a small tray with some side dishes your mother had left when she visited last weekend.

You brought the food to the table, motioning for him to sit down, too. Like second nature, Seungcheol immediately grabbed a piece of spam and placed it in your bowl of rice. If you had told someone that the two of you hadn’t spoken or interacted in the last year, you were sure they wouldn’t believe you solely based on his actions.

Yet, that was your reality: gut-wrenching heartbreak, cruel words, and a debilitating distance that you thought would solve your problems. The truth was that it didn’t. In some ways, it only made it worse.

There are two sayings: “Out of sight, out of mind,” and “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

You, unfortunately, fell victim to the latter phrase. Though, perhaps “fonder” wasn’t the right word—a more accurate phrase would be, “Absence makes the heart wither away in pain and make you wish you could go back in time and completely re-do everything.” But that didn’t exactly fit on a craft store, cross-stitch pillow, did it?

“Thanks,” Seungcheol mumbled, breaking the silence, “for cooking breakfast.”

You offered a quiet chuckle. “Re-cooking breakfast,” you added. “I should thank you for at least trying in the first place.”

He pressed his lips into a tight line, the skin in his cheek caving into that favorite dimple of yours. As you two continued to eat, silence prevailed and the tension remained thicker than the grease in your pan. Suddenly, Seungcheol put his chopsticks down with more force than he intended, which caught your attention mid-bite.

“Can we talk?”

“Like, right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Um, yeah,” you said, swallowing your mouthful. You could feel your throat constrict, almost as if you were choking.

Seungcheol looked at the bookshelf behind you, his eyes glazing over as he contemplated how to start the conversation. “So…”

“So…”

“Sookyung and I…we—”

“She told me.”

“Right.” Seungcheol cleared his throat. “She, um, she told me she stopped by.”

“Really?”

They still kept in touch?

“Yeah. So, you know that she’s…”

“Yeah.”

He rubbed the nape of his neck anxiously as he stared at his bowl of rice that had been untouched this entire time. Where was he even going with this? On the drive over here, he had planned everything he was going to say to you, how he was sorry, how he thought that maybe he was in love with you—still in love with you— and how maybe, just maybe, you could give him another chance.

Yet, now that he was here and you were there in front of him, all of those thoughts went straight out the window.

If the silence wasn’t going to kill you, surely your anxiety would. Your knees bounced underneath the table while you clutched the excess fabric of your pants.

“How are you doing?” you asked. Although you had spent the last year trying to let go of your relationship with Cheol, you had often typed the words into an empty message without hitting send.

Just four words. It was only four words, but they held so much weight. Seungcheol had spent countless nights wanting to ask you the same thing, typing the question out before deleting it for the nth time because he didn’t have the courage to hit ‘Send.’

He didn’t think that he would hear the words from you, however, his brain working overtime to develop a response. “I…I don’t know.”

You nodded. It wasn’t like you could exactly explain how you were feeling, how much of a toll this whole thing had taken on you even though you had moved far away from him in hopes that maybe you could finally move on with your life.

Silence filled your apartment once again, and rather than eating breakfast as you had intended to do, both of you just sat there like two kids who had gotten in trouble and were waiting for the principal to come in. Only this time, there wasn’t a third person to come tell you everything that you did wrong.

That would require that you own up to your actions, and that Seungcheol owned up to his—did either of you have it in you to do that?

And even if you did, would that really change anything? Or make a difference? The rational part of you knew that it wouldn’t change much. Despite Sookyung’s truth bomb and Seungcheol’s sudden appearance, you couldn’t help but wonder where to go from here.

You had spent the past year walking this path alone, and though it was lonely at times, you really only had yourself to rely on, resolute in your decision to finally move on from your first and only love, Choi Seungcheol. So, what difference was this supposed to make?

Did he think you would accept him with open arms? That now that he was a “free man,” the two of you could just run off into the sunset, hand in hand and live happily ever?

No. It wasn’t that easy. It was never that easy.

You fiddled with the food in front of you, your chopsticks breaking apart the scrambled eggs as your brain struggled to think of a response.

Instead, it was Cheol who broke the silence. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his chin tucked into his neck as he stared at the balled up fists in his lap. All you could do was stare at the crown of his head, his long, black locks giving way to gravity. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Cheol…” you managed to say.

“I don’t know what I thought would happen. I just… I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you weren’t,” you agreed.

“Can I be honest though?”

“Of course.”

“It was nice seeing you.”

Suddenly, tears welled up in the corner of your eyes and it felt like someone was trying to squeeze them out of your body as you fought back that urge to let them fall. All you could give him instead was a reluctant smile.

“I missed you,” he said once more. It was like he was intent on making you hurt, but not in the way he had in the past. This time, his words hit a sore spot, and you wanted to be angry that those words were said in remorse, rather than in longing. But then again, you were also to blame for the position you two were in.

“Me too,” you told him, and you can see his shoulders relax a bit when the words hit his ears.

Relief.

He had been worried that you had hated him and would scream and yell at him to get lost, and sure, you had already told him the night prior that you hated him, but you were also inebriated. There was a good chance you didn’t even remember what you had told him, so to hear you say that sober, it was reassuring.

Those were the last words you two said before finishing your breakfast, the food now cold once again. When you were done, you went to grab his dish, but Seungcheol was faster, swooping your plate and taking it to the sink. Without a word, he just turned on the water and put on the gloves. You could have stopped him, insisted that he was the guest and that you could do the dishes, but you let him have this moment. Instead, you cleaned up the counter behind him, wiping the areas where the grease from the spam had splattered everywhere.

“Give me that,” he said, gesturing to the pan. You obliged, your hands touching when he grabbed the handle from you. It wasn’t some electrifying moment that opened your third eye, but it did make you realize how much you truly missed him. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary—after all, it wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t touched before, but yeah, you had to admit that this kind of domestic behavior was something you missed for sure.

You stopped and leaned against the counter, your eyes trained on the movement of his back muscles as he washed the dishes vigorously. Maybe in another life, in an alternate timeline, you two could have been standing in your kitchen as lovers instead of… whatever the fuck you were now. In another life, he would finally be yours.

“I, um,” you started, your voice faltering a bit, “I have to go get some groceries.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Do you… want to come with me?” It was a bold move, asking him to spend even more time with you considering the tension of the previous conversation, but hey, gotta shoot your shot, right?

“Yeah,” he said with a smile, though you couldn’t see it with his back turned towards you. “Just let me finish this one dish.”

“No rush,” you reassured him. “I’m just going to go get changed real quick.”

When you look at yourself in the mirror, you realize just how truly horrible you look. Wow, you really looked like this and Seungcheol didn’t say anything? Your hair was in complete disarray, unkempt and unbrushed, the strings of your hoodie completely misaligned. You pulled the thick fabric over and off your head, tossing it onto your bed. Another glance in the mirror and you realized that the t-shirt you were wearing was… his.

Did he choose this one? Did he remember that it used to belong to him?

Even after all this time, you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of the comfiest shirt you owned, even if it belonged to the man who had broken your heart. Though, admittedly, you hadn’t worn the shirt in over a year for a certain reason. Instead, it just sat in the drawer, getting buried by new t-shirts you had bought and shoved in there.

You had stolen his t-shirt, but he had stolen your heart.

A knock on the door startled you, causing you to instinctively cover your chest despite you being fully clothed.

“I’m done with the dishes,” Cheol spoke loudly from the other side.

“Okay! Just give me a couple minutes to change,” you replied.

“Alright, I’ll just chill on the couch.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Frantically, you grabbed a pair of jeans and threw on a thick hoodie, not wanting to make him wait any longer. You emerged from your room to find him leaning back on your couch, scrolling on his phone.

When he heard the door click, he looked up at you. “Ready?” he asked.

“Ready.”

The grocery store wasn’t any more than a twenty minute walk away from your house, but it had been a while since your last trip and you needed more than you could physically carry in two hands. You’d have to drive.

Seungcheol followed you to your car, entering through the passenger side. He settled nicely into the suede of your little sedan that was much older than his luxurious BMW. But it was comfortable, and it smelled like you, he noted.

He missed this.

The drive was quiet, the only sound that could be heard was of the tires on the road. Both of you were on edge, sensitive to the other’s every movement. Fortunately, the drive was short and you arrived at the grocery store which was a bit of a ghost town in the late morning. Before you could say or do anything, Seungcheol was already making his way to the carts, pulling it out and leaning against it as you entered the store. There was something quite sobering about the way the market smelled—maybe it was the way the dead fish and meat mixed with the vegetables in the frigid air, or the perpetual pine-forest scent of whatever cleaner they used to wipe the tiles constantly.

Seungcheol followed you like a puppy as you grabbed this and that off the shelves, muttering to yourself as you checked the items off your list on your phone. Neither of you really spoke to the other unless it was to ask him to grab that bag of chips from the bottom, no, not that one, yeah, no, yeah, that one.

Even when you were checking out, he waited for you patiently, packing the items into plastic bags and putting them in the cart which he later pushed out to your car. There, he unloaded everything and returned the cart diligently. You supposed he was probably used to this because it was something he did often with Sookyung, but still, it made your heart flutter. But you were also overwhelmed by the burden of guilt in your chest. Part of you was happy to be here, with your best friend (if you could still call him that), but another part of you felt responsible for what happened to him and his wife. It was you. You were the reason why they got divorced, and even though that tiny part of you wanted this to happen, you still felt horrible.

You hated the idea of being the source of anyone’s misery, and now you were the cause of not just one, but two people’s unhappiness. This wasn’t what you wanted. This wasn’t how you pictured your life to be all those years ago when you were just a naive university student madly in love with Choi Seungcheol.

The thought weighed heavy in your mind as you drove back home in silence. Again. Once upon a time ago, you would have been laughing and listening to your favorite songs when he was by your side, but the solemn mood now was incredibly foreign to the point that you could barely recognize the man beside you.

When “I’m just going to put these away real quick,” you told him. He nodded and sat down on your couch, but instead of scrolling on your phone, he just sat there, taking in your new apartment.

It was so different than the one you had lived in previously—this one was a lot more grown up, the furniture much more elevated and minimalistic in style compared to the posters of your favorite boy band you used to have in your childhood bedroom, or the photobooth strips that hung on your college apartment, the one you had lived in until you moved here. This one felt… empty—sad—like you had never fully moved in and made it your home.

Seungcheol wondered if you felt that way, if you felt like this was your home, if you were comfortable living here, if you were…

Happy.

“Coffee?” you offered. Despite already having had coffee earlier this morning, you weren’t quite sure what to do now that it was just the two of you alone in your apartment. There wasn’t much more you could do to stall between the inevitable conversation Seungcheol had come for, but you’d do your best to try. Kicking him out seemed too harsh, but fear crept into your heart when your mind began to wander, curious as to what he had to say to you.

“Please, I’ll help you,” he said, standing up abruptly and nearly stumbling over your coffee table. You had to stifle your laughter, his actions reminding you of the goofball you loved and missed, the one you would spend hours messing around with instead of studying for your university entrance exams. “You didn’t see that,” he blurted out. His ears turned red, but he was also relieved to see you smile for the first time since he had been here.

He wished he could make you smile even more.

“It’s okay, it’ll take me only a couple seconds.”

“Are you sure?”

You gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m sure, Cheol. But thank you.” That was the only thing you were sure of, that you could make coffee without his help. But everything else that followed? Not so much.

When you were finished, you brought the mugs to the table and sat down in the chair adjacent to him.

“Thank you,” he said. The once foreign silence had now become something familiar, but the awkward tension remained ever the same. Was this who you were to each other now? No longer friends, but not quite distant strangers either?

“Do you ever wish you could start over?”

You brought the mug to your lips, only to pause upon hearing his question.

“That… maybe we could start over?” He had kept walking, but when he realized you weren’t by his side, he paused, too.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you lied.

Of course, you knew exactly what he meant. The real answer was: yes, you had thought about this countless times, and it was the reason for your sleeplessness over many nights, but you weren’t about to just confess that to him now.

Upon hearing your response, Seungcheol’s face fell. What was he doing here anyway? Well, no matter what happened, he had a lot to get off his chest, and if he didn’t do it now, he’d never get it over with. “You know. Us.”

“Yeah,” you finally relented. “I do.”

“Where did we go wrong?” he asked, his question ending with a chuckle.

“I fell in love with you,” you replied, your eyes fixed on the cup of coffee in your hands.

“How long?”

“Since as long as I could remember.” There was a long pause, and you wished the Earth could swallow you whole. “I shouldn’t have,” you confessed. “I should have stopped loving you the moment you started dating Sookyung.”

“Why?”

“Because then maybe we wouldn’t be here right now. You would still be with Sookyung and I’d—”

“I don’t love her.”

The words were colder than the winter air that swept against your cheeks. Seungcheol looked at you, as if he was looking for an answer.

“I mean, I did love her, but not like I loved you.”

Loved. Past tense.

“Then why?”

“You were with Yanan.”

“But we broke up.” Somehow, the coffee no longer seemed appetizing, the smell only nauseating you. You stood up and walked back to the kitchen where you dumped it into the sink.

“I thought… maybe we weren’t meant to be.”

“But you and Sookyung were?” You looked up, but Seungcheol was no longer on the couch—instead, he had followed you into the kitchen, leaning against the threshold as he curiously watched you wash the cup.

He shrugged. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Instead, he gave you an answer: “I thought we were.”

Silence, and then a beat.

“You were my best friend, you know?”

Yeah, you knew perfectly well.

“And best friends don’t fall in love.”

No, they don’t.

“And I think I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“The consequences.”

“Of?”

“Telling you.” Seungcheol wished you would look at him, but he understood that you were nervous—he was, too.

You knew exactly what he meant, and now you understood maybe why you were in the position you were in.

“We’re cowards,” you laughed, pausing your mindless dishwashing.

“Yeah, we are, aren’t we?” he let out a hearty chuckle. Maybe, instead of dating Sookyung to cope with your relationship with Yanan, he should have fought harder for you. But he was young and stupid. You both were.

Perhaps neither of you would be in this impossible situation had you just been honest with one another in the first place, regardless of the consequences.

“Hey,” he said. He was now standing right next to you, grabbing the mug from your hands and placing it in the sink carefully. Goosebumps formed on your arm when you felt his skin on yours, his rough hands taking hold of your own. “Let’s start over, okay?” Squeezing your hand with intent, he leaned forward to look you in the eyes, his face serious and without a shred of doubt. “Let’s… let’s start over and do this the right way.”

You froze. This was the moment you had been waiting for who knows how long, but why did that voice inside you keep telling you no? They say the eyes are the window to the soul, yet when Seungcheol looked into yours, he had a hard time reading what could possibly be running through your head right now.

“Come on,” he said, closing the gap between you. You didn’t know it was possible to be even closer than you already were, but he managed to do it. “What do you say?”

You had spent countless days and nights dreaming of the day you would be this close to Seungcheol, your hands in his, his face so close you could feel his breath ghosting over your lips. You were so close, in fact, that one miniscule movement and you would finally know what it feels like to feel his lips, to taste them.

You stepped back, pulling your hands out of his grip, the only thing your head could do was shake back and forth. “No…” you whispered. “I-I can’t.”

His eyebrows furrow at your words as if he doesn’t quite process what he’s hearing. “What?”

“We can’t, Cheol.”

“What do you mean we can’t?” Concern grew on his face as he tried to close the space between you, but you only stepped back in reflex.

“We just can’t.”

“You’re not making sense.” You could sense the annoyance interlaced in his voice, but you understood why. “Explain it to me so I can understand why.”

“It’s too late. For you. For me. The damage has been done. We can’t go back in time, we can’t undo the years of longing and pining, and we can’t just… start over.”

“Why not?”

“You still don’t understand?”

“No. I don’t.”

“We hurt each other. And not just each other, but others, too. Look at Sookyung—”

And that’s when Seungcheol understood exactly what you were saying. Or, rather, what you were trying to convince him of, if not yourself.

“Stop—”

“You married her and you were supposed to be together forever, but then you guys got divorced because of me—” you continued to ramble on, your eyes staring out at the sunlight sparkling on the surface of the water, completely unaware that Seungcheol was approaching you again.

“Stop!” Seungcheol’s loud voice echoed in your quiet apartment. “When are you going to stop making up excuses and blaming others for your own fears?”

The blood in your veins began to boil at his accusations. “I’m not blaming anyone.”

“You are. You said we were cowards. But you? You still are.”

“I am not,” you contested, raising your voice to match his.

“Then why? Why won’t you stop being afraid and take a chance?” He paused. Realizing he had been shouting, he lowered his voice and continued, “With me?”

You could no longer face him, turning around to hide the tears that threaten to fall. The only sound in your apartment now was the ticking of your clock and your and Seungcheol’s heavy breathing.

You jumped when you felt his hands wrap around your arms and turn you around to face him. “Look at me.”

“Cheol, please—”

“I said, look at me.” When your gaze met his, his fingers loosened their grip and his face softened. “I’m going to say something, but I need you to let me finish, okay?”

You nodded hesitantly.

“We can start over—”

“Seungcheol—”

“Listen, please. We’ve spent our whole lives lying to each other—to ourselves—but now? Now, we can finally be honest. We can be honest about how we feel and we can start over.”

Your heart palpitated in your chest, and despite the embarrassment that grew within you, you never once took your eyes off of him.

“I’ll start,” he continued. “I can’t lie to you, or myself, anymore. I love you. I am in love with you.” You could have swore your heart shattered upon hearing those words come from his lips. “You are the woman I’ve always wanted to be with, ever since we were young. I loved you then, and I love you now. And I’ll love you until the end of our days. This past year, you’ve been the only one I could think about—from the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes—no, even after I fall asleep, you’re the only person on my mind. Do you know how often I wanted to call you? To ask you how you were? If you were eating well? If maybe you had found someone who was deserving of your love? Do you know how worried I was on the drive over, asking myself if this was the right thing to do?” He took a deep breath before continuing, “But now that you’re here in front of me, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life, which is how much I love you, and how I’d regret it every day of my life if I didn’t tell you how I feel.

“I know you’re scared, because honestly, I’m just as scared as you are. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but if I’m going to find out, I want to do it with you. Together. So, please, don’t be afraid and trust me.”

By now, tears were streaming down your cheeks at full force, the words you wanted to stay lodged in your throat. Your eyes fell to the ground.

“The only thing that will get me to leave,” Seungcheol said, his voice the quietest it had been all day, “is if you tell me you don’t love me.”

You bit your lip which only made the dread in his heart worse. Perhaps he really had made a mistake.

“Seungcheol, I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me. I can handle it.” He was lying, though, of course. Because if you really told him that you didn’t love him, he felt as if his whole world might crumble.

Your brain went into overdrive trying to process his confession, let alone find the right words to formulate a response. Seungcheol could hear his heartbeat in his own ears, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

“You’re right,” you whisper. “I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t want to get hurt. Again. Or worse, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me,” he assured you.

“You know that’s not true.” Your eyes shot up from the ground and you were met with his own, tears pooling in the corners. “I’ve hurt you, Cheol. You have every reason to hate me. I ended your marriage—”

“What happened to Sookyung and I was entirely our own fault, and no one else’s. I don’t want you to ever blame yourself for that, okay?”

You shook your head. “What if I hurt you again?”

“Would you? Intentionally?”

“No, but—”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. We’ve come way too far now to go back, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start over. Fresh. Clean page. Just you and me, the way it’s supposed to be.”

“Cheol—”

“Do you trust me?”

“Seungcheol, I—”

“Do you trust me?” His hands wrapped around your cheeks as he stared into your eyes with a longing look.

“I love you.” The words fall from your mouth with much more ease than anticipated, and it’s not long before your foreheads are pressed together.

“Say it again.”

“I love you,” you breathed out the words again and looked him straight in the eyes before continuing, “Cheol.”

Without another second to wait, he lifted your chin and pressed his lips against yours, so soft and gentle as to not break you any further than he already had. He could feel your tears on his cheeks, but when he pulled away to check on you, you only grasped onto his face and pulled him back.

Every worry, every fear that used to plague your thoughts melted away with his touch. For the first time in a really long time, everything felt right, clicking into place as simple as that.

If you could kiss him for the rest of your life, you absolutely would have, but the whole day had taken its toll on you and the crying didn’t seem to help either. Instead, Seungcheol simply wiped your tears and the two of you fell asleep on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around each other as if to say, I will never let you go. Not again. Not this time. Never.

When you woke up, your body was sore from having been in that position for a few hours. You adjusted your head to take a good look at your best friend who was still asleep, breathing softly as the golden glow of the setting sun seeped through your windows, illuminating the edges of his face.

Finally, he could sleep. But he was awoken by the faint grumbling of your stomach. He opened one eye and looked curiously at you, causing you to shove your face into his chest from embarrassment. There was a resounding vibration when he laughed. “Someone’s hungry,” he chuckled, his voice deep and raspy but sounding like music to your ears.

“Stop,” you whined. There was something strange about being so close, so intimate, with him. It brought you back to your high school days, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you’d see him walk the halls. If only you had known your true feelings then…

But what mattered was the fact that you were here, with him, right now. What mattered was that now you had been able to be honest with him, with yourself, and when you were in his arms like this, everything finally felt right in the world.

Sure, it would be strange getting used to calling him not only your best friend, but your boyfriend—yet, it was a welcome change, one you knew you would adjust to in no time.

“Should we eat?” Seungcheol asked.

“Mm, I’m not that hungry,” you lied, but your stomach betrayed you, grumbling again.

“I thought we agreed not to lie to each other anymore,” he teased.

“Fine, we should eat. But I just want ten more minutes.”

“To do what?”

“To stay like this,” you told him, tightening your grip around his waist as you close your eyes and bury your face in his body. With a gentle kiss on the top of your head, Seungcheol happily obliged and the two of you remained on that couch for longer than ten minutes.

You were finally his tonight. And you would be tomorrow. And the day after.

Forever and always.

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hamofjustice · 9 months

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youtube

nemona's sync pair story in pokemon masters ex can be viewed anytime as soon as you recruit her, and in just a couple minutes of dialogue we scarlet/violet story analyzers get some great subtext-made-text and new subtext:

confirmation of one instance of nemona working herself really hard for the sake of others and seeing anything less as a display of her own weakness and letting them down (even if the others are her pokemon in this case). it's something that i thought always seemed likely to be a theme with her if we knew more about her, with stuff like her mostly un-commented-on arm brace / compression glove and perfectly clean room nearly devoid of personality outside of her meticulous schedule and displays of her achievements, and what that implied about her relationship with her family, teachers, and idol

recontextualization of why she wears sporty athletic wear and runs around everywhere, even though she's a straight-A nerd who has to take a break every 50 feet when she initially takes you to school and is still winded enough to be worthy of comment from arven by the time you're running around in area zero

the fact that penny, the otaku shut-in, did not get called out like this means either she performed exactly as arven expected her to based on how she looked, or that nemona was doing the worst out of all of the group and might actually have some kind of chronic condition / disability like some fans theorize. nemona's stamina now being revealed to be a long standing insecurity of hers despite shrugging it off with a joke in area zero implies the latter to me

if she shrugged off a long standing insecurity with a joke, that could potentially say a lot about any other things she didn't want to make a big deal about that fans are a little suspicious of, like saying her parents were "hands-off in a good way" with her while her sister got all the attention, which i definitely think was an deflective understatement or simply not realizing there's a problem

and if her low stamina and "bad throwing" are in fact due to some kind of condition and mostly out of her control, that also makes her calling herself weak that much more tragically unfair to herself. someone hug this kid please

i trust these folks to write a compelling nemona if they were given the chance to, not just a fun and cute one. they get it.

her 15 minute storyline from her debut event is mostly just good fun with her meeting a bunch of people and almost winning a big tournament with her new friends hilda and bede. it also, however, touches upon how sad she is that people mostly get jealous of her rather than feel inspired by her (which she actually comes up with a motivational speech to try and combat this time, with hilda's help). it even has her tell blue and bede that florian/juliana back home is "a precious treasure" to her, which made me melt into boiling taffy.

now i'm looking forward to whatever else they come up with when nemona's more plot-driving friends arrive. despite how cheesy and hit-or-miss pokemon masters tends to be, they're treating scarlet/violet with respect so far. it's canon to me. i kinda need that right now when we're not sure what the friend trio are gonna get in the DLC of the actual game.

#nemona pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon scarvio #pokemas spoilers #nemona #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon masters #pokemas #nemonaposting #there is a big sense of relief knowing that the deeper subtext to her simple text is not just in my head and people in charge see it #like i have won the battle that i was in and now i can just chill #just like in-universe people need to know nemona is struggling to be able to really appreciate her fully and not just on a surface level #if it was immediately obvious from the get go i'd probably be significantly less invested #note: this is a datamine she's not actually out until the pokemon presents on the 8th if you're reading this before then lol #the 8th will probably also be the last chance to show us nemona arven and penny in the DLC trailers if they're going to

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rubberfuckey · 10 months

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summary: After a worried phone call from Wheezie, you decide to come back to Kildare.

part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven

wc: 2k

a/n: i just want to thank everyone for all the support in this series! as always, let me know what you think! hope y'all love it! part eight already, only two parts left!

warning: mentions of drugs & smut (:

masterlist

talk to me

You woke up the next morning feeling like you were still in a dream. Rafe was holding onto you as your chest lay flat on his chest. You hugged your arms around him tighter, nuzzling your head further into him.

“Good morning,” he laughed.

“Not close enough,” you mumbled, trying to push yourself closer to him.

He grabbed your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss before you snapped your head back, “No! Morning breath!”

You tried to push him away but he was too strong and pulled you in for a kiss anyways.

“I don’t care,” he mumbled into the kiss. You sighed happily, kissing him back. You moved to straddle him, pulling him closer with your arms around his neck. You rocked your hips against him, desperate for some friction. He held your hips and rocked you faster, groaning as he bit your lip. You grabbed his hands to move them lower, giving him the message that you wanted more.

He shook his head into the kiss and sighed, “Slow, Y/N.”

You whined, “Why are you using my words against me?”

“I don’t want you to feel like we rushed into things. We have the rest of our lives to spend together.”

He tried to butter you up with the sweet sentiment but it wasn’t working right now.

“After the way you ate me out last night, fuck going slow. I want all of you back.”

He genuinely smiled at your statement, he loved when you got all needy for him. He still shook his head, moving you off of him to stand up and grab his shirt. You sat there pouting at him and he rolled his eyes teasingly, bending down to give you a kiss.

“I have some calls to make if we’re going to have a party tonight.”

You nodded and stood up to pack some stuff for tonight and tomorrow. Walking down the stairs you see your mom making pancakes in the kitchen, “Good morning guys!”

You both grumbled a good morning in return.

“I’m making pancakes, would you like some?”

You looked at Rafe as he subtly shook his head.

“No, Rafe has some stuff to take care of and I’m gonna have to help. Thanks though!”

You gave her a hug and you both said your goodbyes as you started the drive back to his house. You made sure to water the flowers and he went in the house, on the phone with someone to get a keg for tonight. You lay on the lounger by the pool as you waited for him, still thinking about ways you could convince him to fuck you. You knew he wanted to, so why hold back if you both want it? He came outside to sit next to your outstretched legs. Your skin was glowing and you looked so happy.

“This guy wants a $200 tip for same-day delivery on the keg, what a fucking idiot.”

“Obviously he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.”

“Obviously not,” he chuckled, resting his hand on your leg.

“What needs to be done? What can I do to help?”

“Just keep laying here looking sexy as fuck, it’s a great motivator.”

“Oh yeah?” You laughed.

“Yeah,” he pressed a sloppy kiss on your forehead before his phone rang and he got up to take the call. You pulled yourself up and decided that if you weren’t going to help you could at least get a quick tan in. You grabbed your bag and walked inside to change into the bandeau bikini you brought. You laid back on the lounge, rubbing some tanning oil over your stomach when you noticed Rafe looking over at you from the balcony. You smiled and gave him a flirty wave before he shook his head with a bite of his lip and turned to walk back into the house. You dozed off in the chair for a little while until you heard someone call your name, you opened your eyes to see Sarah walking over to the chair next to you.

“Oh my god! What are you doing here?” You asked excitedly.

“I ran out of clothes at John B’s,” she shrugged.

You smiled, “Did you see your brother yet?”

“No, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Rafe wants to have a party tonight, you should come.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” she hesitated, “I just don’t trust him, especially if he’s gonna be drunk or high.”

You nodded, you weren’t going to argue with that.

“I get it,” you said with a tone of disappointment. She instantly felt bad, maybe she could try to make it work.

“Maybe I could stay for the first hour or so? Leave before it can get too crazy.”

“Yes!” You cheered, jumping up to pull her into a hug, “I miss partying with you!”

“You and me both. I should probably go grab some clothes, John B is waiting for me in the Twinkie,” she looked nervous to go in.

“Want me to go in with you?” You asked.

She nodded quietly, “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

You walked in and passed Rafe on the stairwell, “Hi, Sarah.”

“Hey, Rafe.”

You squeezed her hand as she kept walking away from Rafe and up the stairs to her room. She let out a deep breath as she shut the door to her room. You were talking about what you were going to wear tonight before you heard a knock on her door, Rafe turned the knob to open it.

“Hey, Sarah. We’re uh, throwing a party tonight. If you wanted to come,” he said anxiously.

“Y/N told me.”

“Yeah, it should be fun. I got a keg, and I’m clean so- you know, no drugs,” he shrugged, he looked to you for encouragement as you gave him a small smile of support. She kept her back to him as she sighed, grabbing clothes out of her closet.

“I told Y/N I’d come by for like an hour.”

“Oh, really? Cool. Alright, we’ll see you later then?”

She just nodded her head and threw the clothes into a bag. You gave him a smile and he left the room. She just looked at you with an unreadable expression and you shrugged. You walked her down to the front door and waved to John B from where he sat in the Twinkie.

“Hey Y/N!” He yelled. You blew Sarah a kiss as she walked away backward, she laughed pretending to catch it until Rafe came up from behind you. Her face dropped and she turned back to the Twinkie, Rafe placing a hand on your hip as you watched them stare at you until they drove away.

“So you were able to find a keg on such short notice?”

“Yeah, I’m paying the jackass $100 extra dollars, but it’ll be here.”

“I think that deserves a celebratory drink, what do you think?”

He nodded as you grabbed the bottle of whiskey to pour him a glass. He grabbed all the ingredients to make your favorite cocktail and mixed them together quickly. You thanked him with a kiss to the corner of his mouth as you walked teasingly back to the lounge you were on earlier. He sighed, watching your hips sway, and followed you out.

After tanning and swimming around for a few hours while Rafe watched, you decided to get up and get ready for the party.

“I’m gonna go shower, okay?”

He nodded and you walked back into the house and upstairs to the bathroom. This was the perfect time to scheme. Conveniently, you ‘forgot’ a towel when you got in the shower. You washed your hair and the oil off your body before you reached for your phone sitting on the cabinet to FaceTime Rafe who was still outside, setting a few tables up around the yard.

“Hello?” He answered, confused.

“I forgot a towel.”

“Damn, maybe you should just walk around dripping wet and naked then.”

“I already am,” you replied, hinting at the double meaning of being wet. He hung up on you and walked upstairs. He grabbed a towel from the linen closet and walked into the bathroom. He should’ve known better than to expect you to be behind the shower curtain, protecting your modesty. You stood there, completely naked, watching him stick his arm out, handing you the towel. You thanked him sweetly and grabbed it. He stood there frozen, dick straining against his pants.

You sighed, “Rafe,”

“Y/N?” He questioned as you walked closer to him.

“Please let me return the favor?” You puppy dog eyed him.

You were nervous he was going to reject you but you put on a brave face and acted as confident as possible. You walked even closer, your hand ghosting over the top of his pants.

“I just want to make you feel as good as you made me feel last night.”

He sighed, moving his hips to make you feel his bulge.

You got down on your knees and unbuttoned his pants before stopping “Rafe, is this okay?”

“Yes,” he breathed as you pulled his pants down quickly. Your mouth watered looking at him through his boxers, it had been way too long. You missed it. You pulled his underwear down and ran your fingertips over his length as he shuddered.

His breathing got heavier as you teased his top with your thumb, “Don’t tease me, baby.”

You licked his tip, moving your hands up and down as he grabbed your head, holding your hair. You tasted his precum and decided he had had enough teasing, you didn’t want to hold back a second longer. You took his full length in your mouth, shoving him down your throat. He let out a guttural moan and you choked, tears filling your eyes.

“Damn, Y/N.”

You relaxed your throat and continued to take him, letting him fuck your throat. You moved your tongue around him as he thrusts faster. He looked down at you and you looked up through your eyelashes. His mouth fell open at the sight of you and he damn near whimpered.

“So fucking pretty.”

You moaned around him, bringing a hand up to cup his balls.

“Shit, baby, keep doing that, I’m close.”

You nodded as best as you could and sped up your movements. He groaned loudly and came down your throat before he could even think about pulling out. He panted as you swallowed before leaving a kiss on his tip, standing up in front of him. He kissed you roughly, backing you against the cabinet.

“Fuck me, Rafe,”

“Baby, I just came so hard it’s gonna take probably a few hours before I can even think about fucking you.”

You giggled and pushed against him to walk past him and to your bag. You plugged in your curling wand and grabbed your makeup bag, ready to get all dolled up for tonight. He left you to get ready as he lay on the bed, scrolling on his phone. After you were done, you walked back into his room to grab your underwear and party dress for the evening. You hid the underwear in the fold of your dress and closed the door behind you in the bathroom, making sure he doesn’t sneak a peek at what you would be wearing under the dress. You picked out a black lace balconette bra and thong, and garters for around your thighs, making sure they were high up enough for them to not be seen when you were wearing your dress. You walked out of the bathroom to see Rafe shirtless as he pulled his shirt on, his muscles flexed as he did so. You bit your lip and rubbed your thighs together, he looks good tonight. But so did you. You wanted the overwhelming sexual energy to diffuse, and there was only one way to accomplish that. You both walked downstairs together to pregame in the kitchen before people started showing up.

“You’re gonna wear your ring tonight?” Rafe asked.

You looked down at your hand, “Do you want me to?”

“Do I want everyone to know you’re mine?” He tapped his chin, pretending to think, “That’s a stupid question.”

You rolled your eyes but agreed silently, finishing your drink as you waited for people to start to show up.

part nine

tag list: @user3737338292 @koalalafications @mutual-mendes @allthesefanfics @f4ll-for-you @colbysbrocks @writtenwordslover @bibliophilewednesday @tahliac11 @five-seconds-flat @palmwinemami @m-indkiller

#rafe cameron #outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron smut #outer banks imagine

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 1 year

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Avatar fandom on TikTok is scaring me so I am going to teach you all media literacy if it kills me.

I steadfastly believe that the Neytiri/Quaritch/Spider trio is the most interesting and layered character development JC has going for him rn. Ya’ll not having the basic human empathy to understand Spider or Neytiri’s povs is freaking me out.

First, Neytiri. Neytiri is someone who has lost half her family, half her clan, and the only home she’s ever known to an oppressive colonizing force. Quaritch is the physical representation of all that pain and loss. He had not only killed countless Na’vi, killed Grace, tried to destroy their connection to all of their ancestors, and is the person who destroyed her home and killed her father, he is also the person who almost killed Jake. He also in a way, represents Jake’s betrayal. We forget, but Jake did betray Neytiri. He stayed with the Omaticaya knowing what Quaritch and Parker Selfridge had planned for them, feeding them information about their home and their strengths, and she forgave him, but Na’vi mate for life and he didn’t disclose that vital information beforehand. Jake was working and spying directly for Quaritch. He represents that hurt. For her, Spider is like a ticking time bomb. He is around her kids and she can’t ever feel safe with this child, this human child of her worst enemy who has caused all of the worst things in her life, in her life and with her family. She tolerates him for her kids but that’s it. I think her mindset totally makes sense, and I really hope she’s able to see past his parentage and accept him!

Spider is a child. He is not responsible for the actions of his parents, obviously. He has spent his entire life being raised by people that really don’t want anything to do with him. He has been basically a burden his entire life. The scientists were forced to keep him because he was too young to send to Earth, and the Sully’s were not equipped (and did not really try) to take on a human child. They are basically his family, but they don’t treat him as such. Everything that happens with Quaritch is Stockholm syndrome times 10000. And the opposite for Quaritch, which is Lima syndrome. This kid has never had an adult show him care or affection, and now he’s getting it from a weird reanimated clone of his father in a kidapping/hostage situation. Quaritch’s first move is to take Spider from torture. He says you can come with me or you can be tortured. He conditions him from the get go, that’s bad stuff here is good stuff. Even more importantly, in Spider’s eyes he saves his life from Neytiri. I would LOVE to know later if she intended to kill him (pls check out my post on my opinion on the significance of the cut on his chest) but regardless, Spider thinks she did and that Quaritch saved him. Regardless of his motives and how bad of a person he is (irredeemably sorry Quaritch girlies), Spider can’t leave him to die. It’s such a hard decision for him, but he’s a kid and a good person. One who values life like all Na’vi are taught to. And he still leaves him to go back to the Sully’s, who have not bothered to even try to be concerned about him outside of the kids.

I’m not even gonna get too far into Quaritch, because I know there’s a lot of Quaritch stans out there now which does boggle my mind. But, as awful of a person as he is, he is a super super interesting character in this movie. In the first movie, he is a blatant representation of racism and colonialism in the worst sense, in a way that makes him a great villain but not a very layered character. He is a foil for Jake, showing us the worst of Jake in an outside antagonist. It’s easy to forget by AWOW that Jake used to have a similar mindset to Quaritch. Placing Quaritch in the body of those he fears and hates the most I think is a very fun twist. But what I really loved was his fear of Neytiri and how much that is highlighted in the film. The way he looks at her arrows is just spine chilling, and I can’t wait to see her kill him again because I can’t see it culminating any other way.

The other thing relating to this is Spider’s fear of Neytiri. Her mistrust and fear of him had been a block in his life basically since birth. Her kids love and accept him as a brother easily, and Jake keeps him at arms length for Neytiri (which is a whole Jake issue but we can get into Jake another time). Neytiri stands between Spider and the family he’s always wanted, and him seeing her fight and just backing up in fear before she grabs him is so good, just a great culmination of all events. What I’d love to see from it is Neytiri and Spider having to come to terms with their fear of the other in order to move on and create a family unit. A son for a son, right, Quaritch gets Neteyam killed so Neytiri, Quaritch’s biggest fear, gets what he wants right now, which is Spider.

#i love our sully besties but they have very basic storylines rn #come on #30 minutes into the movie it's clear neteyam's dead and loak is gonna have to have a big moment with jake and that kiri is jesus #weve seen those movies 1000 times james #i don't think quaritch would be a good parent but i think he wants spider #and i think that's jsut fantastic if a son for a son for neytiri means she just is like nah my kid fuck u #but anyways #turned into a tiny bit of speculation at the end but mostly #thank you for learning media literacy with me today tiktok u scare me #neytiri #miles spider socorro #miles socorro #miles quaritch #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #james cameron #melissa on avatar (cameron)#melissa og

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absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week in BL

Nov 2022 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 1 of 12 - It got hot and heavy way faster than expected. With DeanPharm the side couple, I just want more of them like I did with WinTeam in UWMA. But yeah, it’s VERY good, thank fuck. WATCH ALONG HERE.

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 6 of 8 - How can this dumb little pulp be so good? Also P’Nine? I will heal your broken heart. The brother zone is rough, baby. The thing about this damn drama is all of the characters are honestly motivated and act in accordance with their personalities. I think that’s mostly why I can’t stop watching. Loved the scene with Yai and his ma-in-law-to-be. Also, nice stinger! That’s one way to come out. Look this was a REALLY engaging ep.

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 14fin - I really did not expect this show to end on this note. Ah Earth with the crying. I did expect the final episode to be family drama-llama, but this kind of drama didn’t work for me under the context of a BL. I do love the siblings. (There’s a part of me that wanted Prem’s character to be Team. This could work as Team’s back story.) All in all? I found it disappointing. Conclusion: This is a strong little BL romance (tailor made for SantaEarth) about holding onto first love and childhood, but it’s buried under waffling family drama and formless side characters so that it took a lot of digging to get to - still, RECOMMENDED. 8/10

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 7 of 10 - Nothing continues to happen and exactly nothing will and yet I keep watching. Probably because the nothing keeps getting shirtless.

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 6 of 8 - Cute bfs are cute but... NO SINGING. Adorbs but sad GL side plot AKA dead lesbians got a nod.

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 5 of 12 - JaFirst are just great on screen together, I am very invested in their couple but, yeah, no one else. The stuff with Name was really difficult to watch, but Title is a GREAT little actor.

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 13fin - Ultimately? Sky needed a therapist not a stalker lover, but whatever Mame. DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH COMPLETED HERE. I gave it a very reluctant 7/10, recommended only if you know you like this kind of thing. Look you remember in high school drama class where they make you “envision a basket, and put all of your worry, bad mood, and anxiety into that basket, and leave it outside the door”? Well, in order to enjoy this show, you have to do that, only with your morals. Some people have bigger baskets than others.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 6 of 12 - I do like a little jealousy from the dentist. Yet another installment in this week”s “please get that uke to a therapist” only this time (unlike LITA) our seme actually gives it an honest try. I might be completely and totally in love with the dentist. I adore how stern he gets, plus he has a very strong white knight tendencies. Also baby boi wanna-bartend with the big-ass crush is giving me life.

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 4 of 8 - Am I the only one who JUST realized the actor playing Koichi is Komiya Rio who played Tanaka in Takara & Amagi? I’m so slow. Look all Japanese BL (even the most fluffy nonsense like Kabe Koji) is a little bit emo and exists in a sideways state. It’s gonna go into uncomfortable and uncanny spaces. It’s what it does. This one, given its psychological horror elements, is even more uncanny, to the point of creepy. I’m not a big fan of creepy, and yet I like this show. Japanese zombie incubus? Yes please. Look, I’m utterly unable to back away from the pun, and so: I see seme stiffie can get a stiffie. Puns aside? This was a killer first-time sex scene for something relatively low heat. I’m reminded of Shin’s tongue. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no one does thirst like Japan. Korea and Thailand can have a winsome yearn-off, and Taiwan is great a pining, but Japan? Japan brings the Thirst.

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 3-4 of 10 - I love this show so much. It made me tear up and then in the second part I was laughing my ass off, because the cat was trying to teach the dog how to stare properly. So funny. Then Pets being worried about their sick human, is so accurate. Is anything funnier than the idea of a cat in a service industry job? I really don’t want this to be sad. Please don’t be sad. In Strongberry we trust is my mantra!

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 6 of 10 - I like it more and more as it goes on, but I still don’t think I actually, ya know, like it.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate (Thai YT) 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Thai Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. DNF

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

SELF (Thai Thurs YT) - DNF

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.