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#but it’s a clear separate trauma thing
spacedlexi · 2 months
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i forgot how weird people get sometimes when you add minnie to clemvi situations :/
#she is NOT a threat to their relationship. she is barely a blip on the radar#shes literally just here to cause problems#vi makes it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that clem is her top priority she is so disgustingly painfully in love with clem its embarrassing#like girl i never doubted you for a second dw 😭#but its like people want to see vi hate minnie.. like they cant grasp that shes moved on without her saying she hates her or smth#all the conflicting feelings are just so narratively juicy :) some people cant appreciate this it seems#and then theyll use it as an excuse to say clemvi sucks like okay everybody pack it up#people projecting their insecurities perhaps? (i know the answer)#and like even a captured vi who was manipulated into trusting minnie ends up getting her eyes burned out for it#like they both went down there but only vi got hurt?? and separated from minnie? hm interesting#clem fighting her own trauma of trusting the wrong people with vi continuously reassuring her nothings changed she loves her#clem would appreciate that. i definitely think shes fighting jealously demons but is just good at pretending she doesnt care#she makes too many Faces about it for me to think shes casual about the whole thing#but i think after their conversation in the dorms in ep3 clem isnt worried anymore. and vi proves she can trust her again and again#THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH theyre disgusting its disgusting :)#minnie isnt a threat to their relationship shes just a threat to their lives :)#twdg#it speaks
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pastafossa · 10 months
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Do you see Jane as yourself or a separate person because when I read x reader fics I feel like I always make up characters that I think would fit more but idk
Me personally, I see Jane as a different person, just one with a few attributes I share! And that's kind of on purpose. I've essentially tried to make her a mixture of all of us, of the fandom, of the love we—me included—have for Matt and that world. That's why she's never physically described, why her original family is kind of murky and lost. She's both herself—her own character with a shaped personality and flaws and strengths—but also all of the readers, including me, and she looks like what each of us wants or needs to see, comes from where we need her to come from. Which is how I think of a lot of great Reader characters when I'm reading, or characters I style after me in RPGs! They're me but they're me in another world with another life story, which makes them different in their own way, in the way any alternate universe version of yourself might be different.
Because of Plot Reasons (TM), you can never really make a reader fully everyone, it's true. There are always choices the plot requires a Reader to make, which is one reason I've set Jane up with the backstory she has, and why we're exploring questions of identity through her that I want readers to consider - wouldn't we be the same as her, make a lot of the same decisions, feel the same loneliness and wariness and trauma, if we'd all gone through what she has? And if you spend all your time being someone else, how long until you start changing? How much of you is created and how much of you is born? How much of you would change if you went through what she did? And what if you did go through what she did? This could be you, what if? In that way, she's potentially (since some see her as entirely separate, which is fine!) a sort of a variant of us, an AU, a what-if, in which our lives and selves were morphed by circumstances beyond our control. This is how I see the CYOA books I read as a kid, and there was a great article I read a few months ago that sums up the You in CYOA, Reader fics, RPGs, and TRT pretty well (it's the highlighted bits I found most accurate, the part about not having 'relatability' I think was a misunderstanding of what You POV/Reader/the best CYOA books were about if done right since it CAN be relatable, though the rest of it after that still feels accurate).
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So I don't think your stance is unusual at all! I've got a whole range of readers—some who see Jane (and other reader characters) as fully them, some who see her as wholly separate, and some who land somewhere in the middle. All of those for x Reader are valid, and I work REALLY hard to keep her as relatable as possible for that reason, so that even if someone does see her as someone else, you can still understand and appreciate her choices when the plot forces her hand. But that's the thing: where you stand on whether a Reader character is you or someone else or even a pre-established canon character is fluid. Everyone sees them differently, pulls on that costume, slides into that skin in their own way. And I think that's really awesome tbh, since it means we get a million different flavors of a character who's still essentially the same.
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aibidil · 1 year
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“Doing is Being,” Ray Bradbury
[Image ID: A poem by Ray Bradbury titled “Doing is Being.” Doing is being. / To have done is not enough; / To stuff yourself with doing—that’s the game. / To name yourself each hour by what’s done, / To tabulate your time at sunset’s gun / And find yourself in acts / You could not know before the facts / You wooed from secret self, which much needs wooing, / So doing brings it out, / Kills doubt by simply jumping, rushing, running / Forth to be / The new-discovered me. / To not do is to die, / Or lie about and lie about the things / You just might do some day. / Away with that! / Tomorrow empty stays / If no man plays it into being / With his motioned way of seeing. / Let your body lead your mind— / Blood the guide dog to the blind; / So then practice and rehearse / To find heart-soul’s universe, / Knowing that by moving/seeing / Proves for all time: Doing’s being! End ID]
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soldier-poet-king · 8 months
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And I did end up finishing a strange and stubborn endurance and like major n s f w chapter late in the book that made my brain scream and was Unnecessary and I skipped half of (and tbh the shift in the last 1/4 more heavily toward romance detracted significantly from the narrative and character arcs imo) like absolutely far from a perfect book in SO many ways but also I cried multiple times and velasin is just. Oh. He's just like me fr Kinda guy. Fears and flaws and hopes and kindnesses, neuroses and talents. He's a false dutiful creature learning to inhabit himself. And so for all my apprehension and qualms I'm just. Oh. Oh my heart. The comfort and healing to have all those things on page, the quiet part said out loud. I only wish eReaders stored the highlights and notes you make on overdrive books, I have so many.
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rockpaladin · 1 year
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motw tomorrow. i want to bring back the posting era.
#pulling directly from my dms w hannah bc i’ve been on this for a while#but one of the hardest things and things that make me most anxious about playing cedar is trying to make sure she doesn’t come across as#a joke or as totally off-the-walls with her reactions to people/situations. or like inconsistency w what she says or does in a way#that doesn’t come across as a deliberate character choice. and i definitely don’t want her to feel stagnant#like. she’s been pretty bratty and unwelcoming to jessamine and even a little bit sam! who was one of her best friends#and has certainly also lashed out even within her new group of friends/allies (parch and the creature in very dif ways esp 😭)#so when hannah was like ‘should jessamine be worse?’ worried that making someone cedar’s so pissed with seem like. kind of fine. is shitty#but the thing is i think cedar is uh#she has a lot of rage and unpacked trauma from the shit w the red riders that she doesn’t know what to do with#which has totally fucked w her ability to analyze the situation and relationships she had and has formed so she#doesn’t know how to feel and therefore act towards them?#which. maybe ooc is an annoying character choice for me to make but.#she sure can’t form a clear internal stance on Any of the people she used to love and trust more than anyone!#and like. everyone else doesn’t really care if isaiah dies and she doesn’t KNOW how she feels about him but#she’s stuck ​wavering between being viciously angry at isaiah & still being so upset that she can't even talk about what's happening to him#so. this next session or two is certainly going to push to SOME sort of breaking point!#and then of course there’s all our agonies. but that’s for a separate post.#motwinchester#cedar
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tobiasdrake · 1 month
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*deep breath* Okay. Here we go.
I don't think the Netflix Avatar show likes women very much. It's a great show for fans of Aang, Sokka, Zuko, and Iroh specifically. All four of those characters get a ton of great material. In fact, it's super great for Sokka stans, because the show takes him ultra-seriously and can't go five minutes without one character or another (usually a woman) praising him.
But the way it handles its female cast is troublesome.
Katara
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So, all three of the main trio got some changes made to their stories. They changed Aang's story so that he wasn't running away from his responsibilities; He was just clearing his head and somehow accidentallied himself into a tsunami. Whoopsy-dooodle. Aang did nothing wrong.
They changed Sokka's story so that him being a leader of his people and a great guardian warrior is treated with complete seriousness. Multiple times, characters stop to talk about how brave and noble Sokka is for taking on such an intense responsibility, and tell him to his face what a great warrior and a wonderful leader he is. Also his misogyny is erased.
And they changed Katara's story so that she directly got her mom killed because she sucks at waterbending.
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Katara tries to waterbend to attack the Fire Nation soldier but couldn't manage it, provoking the soldier to start actively searching for her and forcing her mom to fake a waterbending attack and draw his fire. They changed Katara's story so that her bad decision making fucking got her mom killed.
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This is treated with the same level of severity as "Sokka was bullied by mean kids and also his dad doesn't think he's good enough to be a leader."
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"I hoped Sokka would do better but not everyone is meant to have people's lives in their hands," Sokka's dad says of him.
Yeah, you're right, that's totally comparable to watching your mom get barbecued because you tried to waterbend in a situation you shouldn't have and then failed.
In fact, they give Sokka's greatest trauma more weight because it gets examined again with Yue next episode, while Katara actively getting her mom killed isn't brought up again at all. We get traumatized glimpses of it throughout the season leading up to the reveal, but after this scene in episode 5, it never comes up again.
But to be fair, Katara was a child. An event this significant would surely have motivated her, driving her to become the great waterbender she is now, right?
No! Katara sucks at waterbending and needs men who aren't even waterbenders to teach her how to waterbend. She requires instruction from Aang in episode 1 to learn how to waterbend, then from Jet in episode 3 to learn how to waterbend better.
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And unlike the show, her relationship with Aang isn't a give-and-take; Katara doesn't teach Aang a single goddamn thing. He never learns to waterbend. She is a strictly a pupil throughout the whole season. Though she at least gets officially labeled a master in episode 8, so there's that.
In any case, the whole traumatic memory thing isn't even the only time she's directly compared with Sokka. Episodes 3 and 4 see Katara and Sokka bicker over whose morally dubious side character is better. Sokka likes the Mechanist and Katara likes Jet.
Ultimately, Katara is forced to eat crow when Jet turns out to be the worst, while Sokka is vindicated when the Mechanist sees the error of his ways and reforms. But not before two separate arguments where Sokka calls Katara childish and accuses her of acting like a little girl.
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Arguments ultimately resolved when Katara apologizes to Sokka for not adequately respecting his very serious and ultra important role as village protector and leader. Gives him a whole speech about how great and glorious he is. And Sokka... appreciates Katara learning to respect him properly, I guess, because he never offers any similar sentiments back to her.
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The show just... They need you to know how important Sokka is, okay? It's very important that you respect Sokka.
Suki
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Suki suffers tremendously from that whole "Sokka's misogyny was removed" thing. Y'know, because they need something else to do with that episode. The show is deeply aware that Suki is Sokka's love interest, so they just do that right off the bat. Suki falls madly in love with him from the moment they meet, and spends the entire episode making goo-goo eyes and trying to get him to Notice Me Senpai.
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They still do the "Suki Trains Sokka" stuff. But Sokka is a serious, dignified manly man worthy of the deepest respect now, so of course they don't make him wear the Kyoshi uniform. Instead, the main purpose of his training is to allow them to flirt some more. It's less martial arts training and more an excuse to grope each other and near-kiss.
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Suki's just a waifu now. She still fights real good, but all of the stuff that made her relationship with Sokka interesting has been erased.
Yue
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Yue, similarly, leaps straight to shipping from the word go. They write out her fiance, Hahn, by having Yue briefly meet Sokka earlier in the season. She spends one minute talking to him in the Spirit World about Spirit World lore; In that time, she falls so desperately, madly, unfathomably in love with him that she breaks off her marriage to Hahn and devotes herself to waiting for him to one day come to her.
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"Never have I known such joys as that time you let me explain the spirit bear Hei Bei to you. Truly, we are destined to be together for life."
Like with Suki, they go out of their way to have Yue and Sokka already be a ship from the word 'go' so they don't have to spend time developing any kind of meaningful attraction.
They just. They really want you to know that Sokka is the manliest and most desirable man ever to walk this earth. It is very important that you understand how great he is. Women hurl themselves into his arms with zero effort whatsoever, because he's just so goddamn irresistible.
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Fortunately, Hahn is super okay with this turn of events. He's the most chill guy ever, he gets along perfectly well with Sokka, and he completely supports Yue's right to dump him! In the famously misogynistic Northern Water Tribe, no less! What a swell guy. Aren't men swell?
June
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June gets hit with that "rewritten as hollow waifu" stick too, but her eyes are set on Iroh. They rewrote June to be super attracted and flirty towards the man who was her unwanted sexual harasser in the source material. So that's fun.
Also, she barely does anything. Zuko hires her to find Aang, she succeeds, and then she fucks right off out of the show - But she manages to find time to express how unbelievably sexy Iroh is twice during that time.
She seriously just dropped into the show to flirt with Iroh and leave. She is unbelievably inconsequential.
Kyoshi
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And then there's Kyoshi. They really want you to hate Kyoshi. She's constantly shot from below, as if looking down on Aang and the audience. Her voice takes on a demonic echoing reverb at one point as she's screaming at Aang that "THE AVATAR MUST BE A MERCILESS WARRIOR!!!"
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She despises Aang, calling him a coward for running away from his responsibilities - Which, I remind you, is no longer a plot point because they unwrote that flaw from his character. So she's just a complete and utter asshole, shot from the asshole angle, yelling violently at him with asshole sound effects. They want you to despise this woman.
Azula
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Awkwardly, they do not seem to want you to despise Azula.
There's a lot to be said for how Ozai treats Azula in the original show. The way the favoritism he shows her is every bit as cruel and manipulative as the unfavoritism that he shows Zuko. Ozai does not love Azula. He loves the reflection of himself he sees in her eyes, and his encouragement urges her to polish herself to ensure his reflection always shines through.
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This is not that. The show instead erases the favoritism entirely. Ozai doesn't really care one way or another about either of his kids. He plays them against each other, bragging openly to Azula about how great Zuko is and unpleasably writing Azula off as weak and useless.
They've rewritten the dynamic between abusive father and his two abused kids in order to take Azula's pride away. Reimagining her from a gifted prodigy who excels at imitating the toxic behaviors of a father who doesn't truly care for her, to a put-upon overachiever tearing herself in knots to live up to the standards of her unpleasable father.
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This results in a truly wild portrayal of Azula as insecure and jealous of Ozai's seemingly love for Zuko. Here, she is simply a browbeaten child constantly complaining to her friends about how mean her father is and conspiring to get one up over Daddy's Golden Child Zuko.
Which she fails at, because she backs Zhao. Zuko deftly defeats her without even realizing they're in competition.
Conclusion
The season ends well for some of these women. It ends promising that maybe we'll see Katara teaching Aang some day. It ends with Zhao bragging that Ozai just used Zuko to train Azula so maybe we'll see the more confident and misguidedly proud Azula some day. Yue becomes the moon like she's supposed to. June's still out there so maybe she'll get to do something again some day.
Katara gets to fight Pakku and lose, but she looks pretty cool. She gets to fight Zuko and lose, but she looks pretty cool. Azula learns to lightningbend because she's just so mad about Ozai's contempt for her and favoritism for Zuko, which isn't how you lightningbend.
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But promises of future content fall flat when the content that exists is so underwhelming. This season made its feelings on these characters pretty evident, and it's unwise to expect better material from creators who've disappointed you with the material they already made.
The women of Netflix Avatar simply do not get to shine, outside of superficial moments like the "Women of Northern Water Tribe demand the right to fight and then fuck off and don't do anything for the entire rest of the episode" bit.
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"In the midst of battle, we demand that you stop being sexist and give us permission to fight! This is a way better idea than convincing you to teach us to fight before the battle begins."
The characters of this show feel as if they've been reimagined to glorify the boys at the expense of the girls. The boys are treated with a great amount of care. They're dignified and made important movers of the plot, with their rough edges sanded off. While the girls are molded around them.
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bucketsofmonsters · 6 months
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Without Expectation
You know how everyone is talking about how Astarion has a difficult relationship with hero characters bc he felt abandoned by them when he was suffering? What if, during his 200 years of imprisonment, he’d met one? Very much inspired by this post
cw: pre-game astarion, Cazador, prostitution and non-consensual sex alluded to but never shown, healing from trauma, Astarion being sexualized, Astarion sexualizing himself, objectification, blood drinking, he’s kind of sexually aggressive in this but it's just because he’s scared and he doesn’t know anything else, reader is from a group of monster hunters that I made up who have been harassing Cazador, they are separate from any in-game monster hunters who are less Astarion friendly
Astarion x gn reader
Word count: 6k
He was charming. Pretty words, perfect hair, a dashing smile, and hollow eyes. 
The second Cazador had said the word, he was all over you. 
You couldn’t turn down the offer. Not for the promise of pleasure, that was the last thing on your mind looking at him. 
But if you got him alone you could talk to him, outside of the watchful eye of his master. 
He had you pinned to the wall of your bedroom before you could even say a word. You had to shove him back and he stumbled, a frightened, hurt look crossing his face before the practiced charm slipped easily back. 
“Oh, you like to play rough, do you? That’s fine with me, I don’t mind being pushed around a little.”
“Stop,” you pleaded with him. “Please, can I just speak for a second?”
“Say whatever you’d like, darling.”
“Listen… Astarion, wasn’t it?”
He smirked at you. “It is, but you can call me whatever you'd like.”
“Astarion, you don’t have to do this.”
“Of course I don’t. I want to. Don’t you want me?” He moved to get into your space again but you stepped back and he didn’t follow. 
You did your best to push past his flirtation. “How often does he make you do things like this?”
“Like this? Not often. My lovers don’t typically live to see the morning. Although I suppose it doesn’t make much difference to me,” he said with a laugh, one that felt practiced and put on. 
“Oh.” You couldn’t imagine it, being forced to not only be with so many people but to send them off to their deaths night after night. 
Your eyes drifted down as your thoughts spiraled and he grabbed your chin, pulling your face up so your eyes met once more, directing all your attention back to him. “Is that what’s bothering you, darling? I promise Cazador has given me very clear instructions on how well you should be treated.”
“No, that’s not the problem.” You dropped your head into your hands as you tried to figure out what to do. “God, this is such a nightmare. Listen, I can sleep on the couch, you should take the bed,” you said, gesturing vaguely at the loveseat tucked in the corner of the room.
“Come now, that’s not necessary my dear,” he practically purred at you. 
You felt a little more nauseous with every pass he made at you. “You really don’t have to do that, I swear. Not in here at least. It would probably be prudent to pretend in front of Cazador but that’s an issue for tomorrow.”
“Even if you don’t want sex,” he said with a little roll of his eyes. “The couch is not necessary. I promise I won’t bite.”
It was a bad idea. You knew that much. But the bed looked so soft and comfortable and the couch wasn’t even long enough to fit all of you if you tried to lie down. 
You sat on the bed tentatively and sunk into the mattress. It was by far the most comfortable bed you’d ever been in and you ran your hand along the silky sheets. “Alright, but we’ll just be sleeping,” you said with a pointed look in his direction. 
In a heartbeat, you were pushed back onto the mattress and he was looking over you, his hands on either side of your head as he grinned down at you. “Are you certain, my dear? I could make you feel so good.”
“I’m sure you could,” you said with a smile, cupping his face in your hands. His eyes lit up at the contact and it was clear that he thought he’d done it, that he'd won you over. “But that won’t be necessary.”
You leaned up and pressed a kiss into his forehead before gently pushing him off of you back towards his side of the bed. 
He seemed wounded and frightened by the gesture, a far cry from the practiced seduction you’ve seen from him so far. “You don’t want me.”
“I assure you that is not the problem,” you said, careful to keep your voice gentle. 
He did not seem convinced, a tragic vulnerability starting to seep through his facade.
As he stared at you, a worried look plastered across his face, you grabbed some of the many pillows from the top of the bed, placing a few between the two of you. 
He scoffed at the sight. “I don’t know what those are meant to stop. Not exactly impenetrable security against a rabid vampire.”
“They’re not for you. I have a tendency to get… grabby, in my sleep.”
He huffed, folding his arms as he finally conceded ground and laid down next to you. “Good. Maybe you’ll be more interesting than when you are awake.”
You doubted he’d find you snuggling a pillow particularly interesting but you let him interpret your words however he pleased. 
“Perhaps. Now if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to sleep now.”
“It’s not all the same to me, thank you very much.”
“Alright,” you said with a yawn. “Goodnight.”
You woke up with your arms wrapped around a pillow from your little wall, holding it close to your chest as you eased your eyes open to see Astarion unabashedly staring at you. 
He spoke as soon as he caught wind you were awake. “You weren’t kidding about being grabby, you’re practically smothering the poor thing.”
Your face warmed slightly at his words, embarrassment fluttering in your chest. “It’s an old habit. What about you, couldn’t sleep?”
“Elves don’t sleep.”
You suddenly felt incredibly foolish. “Oh. Right. So you’ve just been sitting there all night then?”
“I tranced for a while. It was certainly a more boring night than I expected.”
You yawned as you sat up, setting the pillow you’d been holding behind you. “Terribly sorry to disappoint. Hopefully, there will be many more boring nights in your future.”
He pulled back, cocking his head to the side. “What?”
You realized you hadn’t told him of your little scheme yet. “I was thinking. This whole meeting with Cazador was more of a formality than anything. He’s killed too many of our people, we need to make this deal, at least until we can figure out how to sort him out for good. But he doesn’t know that and maybe, if you’re amiable to it, I could throw in a final term to the deal. Where he has to give me… well, you. Not that you should be his to give, but I figure if I can save someone from this place and I didn’t, what kind of a monster would I be?”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you want from me?”
You shrugged. “I’d say nothing if I thought you’d believe me. If you need to rationalize it, let’s just say it’s an ego boost. Now I get to feel like a good person and you get to leave this place. As long as I don’t mess it up too badly.”
Mistrust was written across his face and it seemed like the first completely honest emotion you’d been able to pull from him. 
“I don’t believe you.”
“That’s fine, we can fix that after I get you out of here.” You sighed. “Wish me luck. I’m an awful liar.”
He trailed after you as you left, seemingly incapable of letting you out of his sight. 
Maybe he was. Maybe he’d been ordered to do so. You had no way to tell. It made your heart hurt, the sight of him here, the idea of Cazador’s other spawn that you couldn’t save. At least not yet. 
He followed you like a loyal pup all the way to Cazador, who was lounging in a chair without a care in the world. 
He chuckled at the sight of Astarion behind you. “And how was my spawn? To your satisfaction?”
You swallowed down that bile that rose in you as you said, “He was a delight. I was wondering, in the name of our agreement, is there any way I could keep him? It’s just that I’ve grown quite fond of him so very quickly.”
Cazador laughed, a putrid, callous thing. “I’m sure. He can be quite… convincing. And this would make you amenable to my terms?”
You nodded. “All the monster hunters in Baldur's Gate will focus their attention in… other places. You and yours will be entirely safe from our wrath.”
“And if we’d like to push you in the direction of another creature?”
You gave him a tactful nod. “We could be convinced.”
“Good.” He laughed once more. “Typical monster hunter. You pretend to hate us and yet you want to keep a vampire pet.”
Astarion leaned into your side and you felt a little queasy at the performance as you snaked your arm around him. “Like I said, he was very convincing.”
He sighed. “You drive a hard bargain. As you wish, you shall have your terms. Just tell me if he doesn’t behave. I can get him sorted right out for you.”
It took everything you had not to lunge at him thinking about everything he’d put this poor man through. “Of course, but I’m sure I’ll be able to manage just fine on my own.”
You got out of there as fast as you could. Even if you hadn’t had Astarion with you, you didn’t want to spend any longer than absolutely necessary with the monster. 
You pulled him through the streets back to the house you were staying in, racing against the sun. You barely had enough time to get him there and pull him inside, but you had a feeling he’d prefer this mad dash over staying another day with his master.
Regardless, the whole time your eyes were darting around, looking for places you could hide him should you need to. 
You wondered what you’d even do if it had come to that. Just sit with him for the rest of the day, you supposed, unless he wanted to try a risky maneuver with a thick blanket. 
You tried to pull him inside but it was like an invisible wall had stopped him in his tracks. You gave him a questioning look and he grumbled, “You have to invite me.”
“Oh! I’m sorry, come in!”
As soon as the words left your mouth, he rushed in beside you and you set yourself to making sure all of the widows were fully shut, pulling the curtains tight. 
He watched you dart about, tugging at the thick fabric. His gaze was judgemental but at least the emotion seemed genuine. 
As soon as you were mostly certain he wouldn’t burn to death, you turned to him. “We won’t be leaving for a while so you can make yourself at home. If you need anything just let me know, okay?”
You didn’t see him for the whole day. You were busy and he made himself scarce. You couldn’t blame him. You imagined he’d long since made it a habit to avoid being seen by anyone. Anyone except his forced prey, you supposed. But still, he hid away from them, in his own way. 
“Astarion, can you come look at this?” you called out as the sun finally dipped fully below the horizon, hoping he was close enough that he could hear you. And hoping he would come even if he did. 
It took a few minutes but eventually he came sauntering down the stairs. 
“Yes, my dear?”
You grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the window, gesturing out at the carriage that was illuminated by torches alone, shrouded in the thick darkness of the night. “Do you think it’ll be alright? The last thing I want is for you to get hurt.”
He stared out at the carriage you’d spent hours painstakingly attempting to make impenetrable to light. You’d painted the windows black, hung blankets over top of them, shoved old linens in the cracks in the doors. 
He cautiously headed outside, staring at the carriage with furrowed brows. “Did you do this?”
“Yeah, I tested it during the day. It seemed pretty solid but obviously you couldn’t check then. I could bring a torch around the outside if you wanted to check for yourself.”
He looked at you like you were mad. “We could have just traveled at night.”
You shrugged. “It’s a two-day journey and I didn’t want to depend on inns and shelter along the road to protect you during the day. This seemed safer.”
He opened the door, sitting inside and looking around at the painstakingly covered windows and cracks, and you couldn’t tell if he seemed uncomfortable because he was worried about the sun or because of the sheer amount of effort you’d clearly put into it. 
“Do you want anything for the ride?” you asked, pushing forward. “Some books or something? I could go get them for you.” 
“Your company is all I could ask for.”
“Okay, but for real though. Never mind, I’ll just get you some books.” You doubted you’d be able to pull an honest answer from him for a very long time, if at all. 
After a frenzied book run, the two of you were ready to head off, locking yourselves inside the carriage until the sun set once more. 
The bumps of the carriage jostled the two of you as you rode. The flickering orange light of two lanterns, one for each of you, barely illuminated the darkened space and you couldn’t help but feel a little claustrophobic. 
He was sitting, staring at you, book untouched on his lap. 
You’d brought as many options as you could think of, romance novels, epics, history, a horticultural book that had pulled a snort and an incredulous look from him when he’d seen it. 
He didn’t seem much in the mood for reading and under his unblinking gaze, neither were you. Instead, you stared at the painted-over window, wishing there was anything else you had to look at in the dim light. 
“Admiring your paint job?” he asked with a chuckle as you continued to refuse to meet his unblinking gaze. 
“Something like that.” You decided to take the broken silence as an opportunity. Anything was better than being silently stared at and you weren’t sure you’d get a better chance to ask him. “Can I ask you something that’s potentially insensitive?”
He smirked at you with that practiced allure. “Ask away.”
“Were you one of his favorites? Cazador's, I mean.”
He scoffed. “In a way. He loved torturing me more than anyone else.”
You leaned forward. “So it might be easier to convince him to part with the others?”
His eyes narrowed at you and you watched as he tried once again to figure out what your angle was. “You’ve got a real bleeding heart, don’t you?”
“We’ve been unable to hurt him for so long, failed at it for years and years. Every day you were there was because we weren’t good enough at what we did. I can’t help it, I feel a little responsible for you. For all of you.”
“Oh please,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “Like I’m not one of the monsters you hunt.”
You cocked your head to the side. “Why would you be? Who have you hurt?”
He laughed a cold, cruel laugh. “Darling, you have no idea how many people I’ve hurt.”
“You haven’t though. Cazador hurt people through you, sure. But you didn’t hurt anyone, not really. You’re a victim just as much as they were. At least we managed to save some of them.”
He squirmed in his seat. “I think they might disagree.”
You shrugged, something delicate in his eyes telling you not to push. “Maybe.”
The rest of the ride was completed in silence, not only fueled by your discomfort but now also Astarion’s irritation with you. 
Your driver gave a knock on the door as the sun disappeared, just as you’d instructed him to, and you opened it to find a quaint little inn surrounded by woods in front of you. 
He left to take care of the horses and you led Astarion inside, securing two rooms for the three of you. In a perfect world you would’ve gotten Astarion his own room, but his vampirism wasn’t exactly subtle and you couldn’t help but worry that some overzealous patron of this establishment might take it upon themself to rid the inn of the supposed monster. 
You led him up to the room you’d be sharing and as you entered, he stood in the doorway and took in the sight. 
You were quick to give him a quiet, “Come in,” but he brushed you off.
“That’s for houses, not individual rooms. I just…there’s two beds.”
You nodded. “Yup. For two people.”
He eyed you suspiciously, as if the two beds might be part of some devious scheme. After a few moments, he seemed to decide it was just a normal room and took the bed nearest the door. 
He seemed paler than he’d been the night before and a horrible thought struck you. “Oh my god, you need to eat! I haven’t been feeding you.”
He chuckled. “Good luck with that, there aren’t many disposable animals out here. At least, not ones you could catch. Unless you want to let me at the horses, but that would leave us in quite the predicament.”
“I mean, you could drink from me. Not everything, obviously, but I could spare some.”
You held out your hand to him, presenting your wrist and looking at him expectantly.
“I’m not allowed to drink human blood,” he spat back at you, the bile of hundreds of years of resentment lacing his words. “Cazador doesn’t allow it.”
“You’re not his anymore. He gave control over to me and I say you can do whatever you’d like and that you don’t take orders from anyone anymore. The offer stands.” You went to withdraw your hand until his hunger bested his hesitation but he grabbed your wrist, stopping you from pulling away. 
“Well,” he said with a sly smile. “As long as you’re offering, I would be a fool to turn you down.”
It was so strange how quickly it happened, how easily he could slip right back into that faux confidence. 
He leaned towards you and you backed away at the hungry look in his eyes, one you were more than familiar with. 
“If you really want to I’m sure there’s ways we could make this a more rewarding experience for you,” he said and in a heartbeat he maneuvered himself over you, his hands interlaced with yours and holding you to the mattress. 
You pulled yourself back in an instant, leaning against the headboard as you presented your wrist to him once more. 
You didn’t fault him for it. After years of surviving with it, of course he would keep trying to draw you in with his sexuality. The instinct couldn’t be snuffed out overnight.
You’d bat away his attempts as many times you needed to, try and make him understand. You weren’t sure if it would ever work, not fully, but you’d keep trying. 
“It’s easier this way,” you said in explanation, giving him something to latch onto that didn’t feel like rejection. 
He rolled his eyes. “Easier, I’m sure. Typical, I got a master who’s allergic to fun.”
“I’m not your master. You can do as you please, could leave now if you wanted.”
“And go where?” he snapped. “You can pretend if you must but I know what I am. I know where I stand. I am a lot of things, but I am no fool.”
“I know.”
He studied you for a moment, eyes daring across your face before he pulled your wrist towards him, digging his teeth into your flesh. 
The sharp pain lasted for a heartbeat before it faded away to a dull ache. He lapped at the open wound, his put-on demeanor disappearing as he got lost in it. 
He cradled your hand like it was a lifeline. In a way, you supposed it was. 
You could feel yourself getting lightheaded as he fed but you refused to stop him. You would not command it of him, would rather die than force him into it. You let out a quiet whine, your form slumping back into the bed. 
He drew away immediately and your blood began pouring onto the white sheets of the bed. 
A moment of panic reflected in his red eyes before he grabbed the corner of the sheets, wrapping them around your wound. 
“There,” he said, his voice quieter than his normal bravado. “Should keep you from bleeding out.”
Your eyes were locked on his collarbone, a dark bruise becoming visible as your blood fled through his previously starved body. The longer you looked, the more of them you could see, peeking out from under his clothes. 
“Oh, you poor thing,” you said in hushed tones, hands moving to reach for him before stopping in their tracks, unsure if your touch would be wanted. 
He was otherwise preoccupied, his eyes alight with something entirely new. He looked stronger, livelier. There was a warmth to his cheeks you’d never seen before. 
You resisted the urge to touch him, to see if he’d become warmer as your blood had begun to run through him, bringing a new light to his eyes. 
“You should get some rest,” he said, looking down at you lying exhausted and drained on the bed. “You certainly need it.”
You barely had time to laugh at his comment before you’d drifted off. 
The ride back was as quiet as it had been the day before, if a little less uncomfortable. Astarion still stared for much of it but he at least pretended to read his book. The healthy flush to his cheeks seemed to come with a bit of newfound comfort and ease around you that made you puff up with pride, even if you still felt a little woozy from the night before. 
“Here we are!” you said as a knock sounded on the door, opening it and leading him inside your home. It was an old manor of your family's, not particularly big, right on the edge of nowhere, and perhaps falling apart just a little but more than suitable for your purposes. “It’s a little bit of a mess but I kind of like it that way. Come on, I’ll show you your room.”
You decided to put him in a room that was just a few doors down from your own, pointing out just where he could go to find you if he needed anything. 
You laid down to sleep once you got him situated, more exhausted than you typically were at this time of night. Despite how tired you were, presumably from the blood loss, you had to fight the urge to go and check on Astarion just one more time. 
You hadn’t known him for long but you’d already developed an intensely protective instinct towards the man. 
You did your best to put him out of your mind when a knock sounded at the door. 
“Come in,” you called out. You made no attempt to suppress your smile when he peeked in the doorway. 
“I think I’ve grown accustomed to your company,” he said sheepishly, and for once it didn’t seem like he was trying to seduce you. He seemed worn down, looking just as tired as you felt, a defeated air present on his face. 
You were too tired for subtlety, opening your arm to him and muttering a sleepy, “Just come here.”
He seemed grateful to not have to explain himself. To not have to ask. 
He sat on the bed, looking down at you where you lay. 
“No pillow this time?” he asked in that snide voice he used so often. 
“I can if you want. Just thought you might appreciate the closeness.”
He rolled his eyes dramatically. “Fine, I’ll be your little pillow to hug. Fair warning though, I run cold.”
You tried and failed to suppress a yawn as he got into bed beside you and you wrapped your arms softly around him. “I don’t mind. G’night.”
“Goodnight, my dear.”
Just like that, it became a bit of unspoken habit between the two of you. You felt it might honestly kill him to comment on it, to ask you for affection. But with no words, no pleasantries, there he was every night, beside you. 
One night, about a week into his residence in your home, he seemed more restless than normal, fiddling endlessly with your hand, incapable of sitting still. You turned to him with a pointed look. “Come on, out with it, it’s not good to go to bed with things left unsaid.”
He scoffed. “Why not?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know, what if I die in my sleep or something.”
“If you die in your sleep, I think I might have bigger problems than things I didn’t say to you. Namely, some monster hunters who might take issue with the vampire you died next to.”
You shook your head. “No, I already told them about you, they wouldn’t hurt you.”
That seemed to take him by surprise, pulling back a bit at your words. “You did?”
“Of course I did. Now come on, out with it, what’s going on it that head of yours?”
He sighed dramatically and flopped back on his pillow. “It’s really nothing.”
“Not if it's bothering you. I want to help.”
“Did you mean it?” he blurted out, like the words had to be forced out of him quickly or they wouldn’t come out at all. “When you said you wanted to save the rest of them too?”
“Of course I did. And I will. At least if I have anything to say about it,” you said quietly, your stomach turning at the thought of the other spawn you’d left behind.
He turned from you as if you’d slapped him. “Right. I’m going to sleep in my own room. I should’ve been in there anyway, this was silly. Goodnight, darling.”
You chased after him in a heartbeat, catching up at him before he’d even managed to open his door. “Wait, what did I do? Astarion?”
He was an unstoppable force, storming into his own room. 
“I don’t understand what I did,” you pleaded with him, desperate to fix it. You raked through your conversation, trying to dissect every word spoken, every facial expression. You found nothing. Shouldn’t he be happy you wanted to help them? It didn’t make sense to you. 
He sat on his bed, one he’d never slept in, arms crossed and brows furrowed. When he spoke, there was a faux casualty to it, like he was trying to pretend none of it mattered to him. “I’m just making room for the next stray you let into your bed.”
You sat next to him, careful to keep your distance as you moved your head down to try and catch his eye. “You know I’m not replacing you, right?”
He huffed in response, turning away from you again. 
You made sure to keep your tone gentle and soft. “You know I wouldn’t let just any vampire spawn sleep next to me, right? It’s because I care about you, it’s not just because you’re there. No one is replacing you and I promise there is enough of me to help people while also still being there for you. I will save as many of them as I can until I can rid this world of Cazador but you’re not just Cazador’s victim, you’re my friend.”
He turned to you suddenly. “Stop saying that. Stop saying you’re going to hunt down Cazador. If he catches wind of any of this you’re dead. At least, if you’re lucky you’ll be dead. And then where will I be?”
“Hey, I’ve been doing this a long time. I know what I’m doing, we all know what we’re doing. He’s not going to get me.”
“That’s why you made that deal, is it? Did all the other hunters he slaughtered know what they were doing too? You aren’t a threat to him, you are a nuisance. You need to stop,” he snarled. 
You couldn’t stop. You both knew that, could see it as clear as day. 
Instead, you just said a quiet, “Come on, come to bed,” and walked out of the room. 
He trailed behind you, the unendable argument weighing heavy on the both of you, no more words spoken as he slipped under the sheets. You gave his hand a squeeze, trying your best to reassure him despite knowing it would never work. Not as long as he was still out there. 
And then, as he leaned into your space, head brushing against your arm, something he’d been getting slowly more comfortable doing, something occurred to you that should have many days ago, back when he’d first arrived here. It was strange that he was here, now. Not just because of his uncomfortability with any sort of nonsexual closeness, but because of when it was. 
Not only did elves not sleep the same way nor as long as humans did, but vampires slept during the day typically, to enjoy the night as best they could. 
“I’m going to start sleeping during the day,” you said decisively. “That way we can keep doing this,” you said as you gestured around vaguely, “and you can go out, can do things with your waking hours. I’m sorry it didn’t occur to me sooner.”
His eyes widened. “You’d really let me leave?”
His surprise felt like a shard of ice through your chest. “Of course I would. You can do whatever you want. I’ll even do my best to help if you’ll ask me for it.” Another horrible thought struck you. “Wait, you didn’t think you could leave and you’ve been with me most nights. What have you been eating?”
“Whatever I could find. I make for wonderful pest control.”
Your heart sank. You should’ve considered this sooner, never put him through any of this. 
“Here, drink from me,” you said, sticking out your hand. “I can get some bigger animals for you, keep them here so you don’t have to hunt for them if you’d prefer, but for now I will have to do.”
He hesitated, although his gaze was less suspicious than the last time you’d done this. Instead, he looked nervous. “You’ve… you’ve already done so much for me. I shouldn’t.”
“Astarion, you’re starving,” you said quietly, trying to reason with him. 
“I’d rather not push it. Eventually, even your charity will run out.”
You shook your head. “It will not. It’s fine if you don’t believe me, I know it’ll take time, but I will keep being here for you until it sinks in. Promise.”
He laughed quietly, seeming more for himself than for you, something that had been happening more and more lately. “You underestimate my distrust, I think I could outlast you.”
You smiled back. “Challenge accepted. But until then, you need to eat.”
You held out your wrist for him, the marks from the last time just beginning to fade. He took it, gingerly, bringing it slowly to his mouth and watching your face for any apprehension. 
You showed none, instead giving him a soft smile. “Go on. I don’t bite.”
That got a real laugh out of him. “That’s not funny.”
He pressed a soft kiss into your skin before sinking his fangs in, that sharp pain coming with a flutter of warmth inside your chest. 
He was slower this time, more intentional as he drank. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he wasn’t as hungry or if it was because it felt less like his meal might be ripped away from him unceremoniously. 
He didn’t get as lost in it this time, eyes flicking up to meet yours, checking in on you. 
You didn’t even get the chance to try and tell him you were feeling woozy before he drew back, pulling a handkerchief you hadn’t even noticed off the side table to wrap around your wrist. 
“Wouldn’t want to get our sheets all bloody,” he said as he knotted it tight around your wound. 
Your hands moved slowly as soon as he released them, reaching up towards his face and giving him plenty of time to back away. 
For a moment, when he first saw you reaching for him, he pulled back and you were ready to retreat and shower him in endless apologies when, as suddenly as he’d moved away, he leaned into your touch. 
Gentle hands cradled his face, ones he’d flinched away from but a moment before. He leaned into them openly now, unabashedly, making a home between your palms. 
He was warmer like this, with your blood rushing through him. 
You pulled him closer as his head tucked right under yours, your fingers carding gently through his hair. 
“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered, barely loud enough to reach his ears, and you had no idea if he believed you. 
You doubted it, doubted that you’d been able to break through all those years of his living hell so quickly. His walls had been carefully constructed for a reason, and you understood why he was so hesitant to break them down. You couldn’t blame him, would never blame him. 
It didn’t really matter. You’d keep trying either way.
1K notes · View notes
simpforboys · 1 month
Text
iris
finnick odair x fem!reader
summary: after months of yearning and being separated, you’re finally rescued from the capitol.
warnings: mentions of abuse/trauma, starvation/dehydration, cursing, fluff, kissing, not proof read :3
listen to iris by the goo goo dolls!!
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everything was dark. your head was spinning as the dimmed lights of your prison illuminated from underneath the metal door.
it’d been days since you’ve received food or water, your stomach constantly tight and aching to try and devour something.
so when the loud bang on your door pushed it open with force, you hardly noticed as your head hit the pillow.
the only thing you heard was beeping. your eyelids were twitching, clearly not used to the lights that were softly beaming above you.
and at first, it was comforting. finally being in light- until, the regular pattern of your heart grew rapid when you realized how peculiar light was.
your eyes snapped open, adjusting to the bright light as you started to look around frantically.
you were in a hospital. and not one in the Capitol.
an iv was lodged in your left arm, providing you with the nutrients your body so badly needed.
the wafting aroma of sterilized equipment, rubbing alcohol, and pennies filled your senses.
but despite everything, your ears perked up when the voices at the other side of the hospital grew more evident.
feeling your stomach churn, you grabbed the closest thing to you- a needle.
you peered your head around the curtain, not recognizing anyone you saw. a group of four people, each different in health, stood in a small circle.
your eyes drifted to the EXIT sign in the corner of the room. other beds filled the room with only a small curtain in between.
swallowing your own saliva, you gained more courage to fully peek around the curtain.
and when he came into frame, your grip on the needle loosened, and it clanged as it fell to the floor.
“Finnick?” you choked out, almost positive you were hallucinating.
the Capitol has done this to you before. made you see him. but then as soon as your trembling skin does to touch his tanned one- he disappears.
“y/n.” his word was soft, his lip starting to tremble as he broke out into a brisk walk, desperate to reach you, to hold you.
“Finnick-“ you breathed out, almost too scared. scared that if you were to reach out, he would disappear.
he was standing in front of you, your legs trembling with weakness. but the moment his arms slid around your waist, lifting you off the tiled floor, it was all real.
“oh my god.” your breathing was shaking as he held you, your hands going to hold his chiseled face.
you hadn’t noticed the tears trickling down your cheeks until they dropped onto your wrist, but you were far too wrapped in the moment.
you hadn’t seen Finnick in months, not since the Capitol captured you, Johanna, and Peeta during the escape.
and while you were forced into saying things you didn’t mean on camera, breaking Finnick’s heart everyday, he knew it wasn’t you.
the thing that hurt him most was how sick you always looked on camera. it was clear you were deprived of necessities, which only lead to his motivation of getting you out of there.
and while everyone else turned on you, claiming you and Peeta were traitors, Finnick knew. and Finnick understood that the people around him would never understand.
they would never understand what you’re going through, what you went through, who you are.
so as Finnick gripped your chin in his hand, guiding your lips to his, a spark went off, leaving you both tingling for more.
he was gentle, yet passionate, quick, yet soft. you were so light in his arms, only fueling his guilt.
“i love you. i love you so fucking much.” he murmured against your lips, anxious that if he were to pull away, the emotional reunion would end.
“i love you.” you stammered out, his gorgeous blue eyes staring at you lovingly.
he gently places your feet back on the floor, his hands never leaving your hips as he holds you protectively against him.
“i’m never going to let you go again, sugar. never going to let you out of my sight, never going to let you out of my touch. i can’t lose you again.”
his words were an oath, a promise, a swear to you. his voice was broken as he stared down at you, re-memorizing every inch and detail on your face.
“you were the only thing keeping me alive. i knew i had to see you again one day, knew you would hear me and understand me.” you uttered softly, your trembling hand tracing the dimple on his cheek.
“you’re the only thing in this fucked up world i care about. we’re gonna get out of this, together. alright, sugar?” he hums, caressing the back of your head in a soothing manner.
you nod against him, closing your eyes to feel his beating heart. it was so loud against your sensitive eardrum, but so comforting.
comforting to know he was there and that he was real.
“i wanna go home. go to our home.” you confess, scrunching your nose in an attempt to stop the tears leaking from your closed eyes.
“i know, honey. i’m going to take us home. promise.” he swears, more for himself than for you.
you nodded softly against him, not having the energy to respond. his warmth was so soothing and comforting, it began to instantly heal your chilled skin.
after months through hell, torture, and abuse, you were finally where you belonged, in Finnick’s arms. and you were going to stay there for the rest of your lives.
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torukmaktoskxawng · 9 months
Text
our paths crossing
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Pairing: Tsu’tey x Avatar!Reader + Adopted!Spider
Summary: Tsu’tey is given a second chance at life, but not even Eywa could convince him to accept it. 
Word Count: 9k+
Warnings: single mom power, generational trauma, parental manipulation (tsu’tey’s parents suck), fluff
Na'vi words used: pa'li - direhorse, nivi - hammock, olo'eyktan - clan leader, ikran - mountain banshee, Iknimaya - Rite of Passage, marui - home, oel ngati kameie - I See you, taronyutsyìp - little hunter, teylupil prrnen - teylu face baby, niktsyey - food/leaf wrap, tsaheylu - bond, sa'nok - mother, Uniltaron - Dream Hunt, irayo - thank you, tawtute - human, tswin - queue braid, maitan - my son, sa'sem - parents, taronyu - hunter, tsahik - spiritual leader, tsakarem - tsahik in training, meresh'ti cau'pla - banshee catcher
A/N: This was heavily inspired by other Tsu’tey works written by @simps256 @byunpum @shu-box-puns and @little-box-of-autism on Tumblr, and @ AlexiHollis on Ao3
~~~~~~~~~
PANDORA, 2154+
Everything is connected, one way or another. From the tiny stem of a plant, to the pa'li that steps on it, and to the ginormous tree looming over it. Pandora is made up of various different sizes of networks, from microscopic to gigantic. Some are easier to see than others. The network of tree branches and roots is clearly visible, but there are small ones, not physically distinct, and Eywa can see it all as clear as day.
The same goes for two souls. When two Na'vi-- when two souls mate, they are mated for life. It won't matter if they met when they were children or if their paths meet when they are old and wrinkled. Two souls are still two souls, meant for each other no matter how or when they meet.
Tsu'tey, like all Na'vi, believed this to be true. Sylwanin was the soul meant for him, ever since they were children. However, Eywa had other plans in mind for the young couple and destiny tragically separated them, forever shattering their former entwined paths. Later in life, Tsu'tey finally accepted that all things happen for a reason, and perhaps in another life, Sylwanin would have been his mate. But in this life, Eywa protects the balance of it all and in order for Jake Sully to one day arrive and save this beautiful world, beautiful souls like Sylwanin would have to be sacrificed. Tsu'tey came to terms with this one day, weeks after the battle against the Sky People.
He had plenty of time to think about many things, lying in his nivi and resting from his injuries. As Toruk Makto, Jake happily took temporary command of the Omatikaya clan whilst their olo'eyktan healed from his wounds. It would be a long journey for Tsu'tey, but those who respect him and call him 'brother' were just happy he survived that fall and all those gunshots. At first, he was not as happy or even relieved. Why would Eywa deny him the chance to see Sylwanin again? As he took time to heal, he eventually mourned properly for the first time in years and was able to heal mentally as well as physically. Tsu'tey had finally managed to let his young love go, may she rest in peace.
In return for his loyalty and devotion, Eywa rewarded her olo'eyktan with a gift fit for a good man. However, it would be years before he graciously accepted it.
Tsu'tey was always aware of the other sky demons possessing Na'vi bodies. He had seen many over the years, especially when he was just a student in Grace Augustine's school. He had always found them strange and ugly and didn't hesitate to let Jake know how he felt about his appearance. Jake never took it to heart and eventually learned to laugh at such comments. Tsu'tey grimaced, almost hating the fact that Jake was getting used to him. The other dreamwalkers --"Avatars, brother, they're called avatars,"-- never really got used to him but they greatly respected him, especially after Tsu'tey allowed them to live among the Omatikaya once the rest of the Sky People were sent off-world. He had accepted these 'scientists' and 'avatars' into his village, much to Toruk Makto's influence, and so therefore, over time, Tsu'tey began to treat them all as part of the People-- his people.
As he accepted the sky demons, he also began to learn their names. One of which he was always aware of but had never bothered to learn her name.
Y/n was an avatar driver and a scientist. Even though she hadn't been on Pandora for long, she had been allowed to visit Hometree several times before its destruction, always tagging along when either Grace or Norm Spellman visited. She was part of the young group of scientists who had received an avatar before the battle against the Sky People that actively cut off the scientists' funding to make more, therefore she would be one of the last of them, as would Norm and Jake. In many ways, it was like watching the end of a species that would cease to exist once the avatars all died out. That is until children like Kiri and Lo'ak were born.
By the time Neytiri bore Jake their first son and had adopted Grace's daughter born of mysterious circumstances, Tsu'tey had begun to notice that Y/n was not just a random avatar who opted to stay on Pandora. She had also opted into becoming a mother.
It was safe to say Tsu'tey didn't know of Spider's existence firmly because the baby wasn't old enough to wear a mask and exo-pack yet, therefore he had never visited the village. It wasn't until the fierce olo'eyktan followed Jake to the functional biolab of Hell's Gate one day did he finally meet the next generation of Sky People. At first, Spider was strange to him. With a full head of yellow curls, pink skin, and a gummy smile, Tsu'tey gained enough willpower not to verbally comment about how the sky demons' offspring were even uglier than the avatars. Jake had asked him to be civil prior to this meeting, so he indulged his brother out of respect for Toruk Makto.
If Y/n had seen how put-off Tsu'tey was by her son, she didn't mention it. In fact, she barely acknowledged the clan leader, instead devoting her time to making sure her adventurous toddler didn't get into any trouble. Much to all the scientists' dismay, the child had learned to run before he could walk, therefore the attempts to baby-proof the whole place had been frantic and half-assed at best. But wherever Spider ran, Y/n was not too far behind him, always making a game of the chase and making the toddler laugh until his sides hurt.
From what Tsu'tey had learned, Spider is not Y/n's child by blood. The baby had been left behind when the Sky People left, too young for space travel. Everyone was positive that his biological mother was killed during the Battle of the Hallelujah Mountains, and as for his father... from vague descriptions, Tsu'tey had gathered who the man was and decided not to ask any further. Now, in replace of Spider's biological parents came Y/n. Even though the scientists were all more than happy to help raise the kid together as a village, Y/n had become his sole guardian, claiming that Spider should always have that one person to rely on before all others. She had gone on record stating that the boy needs a mother before a village and he shouldn't be treated as an object or a pet the Sky People pass around. No one questioned her, especially when shown how everything she does she does it for the boy and not for her own selfish needs. The scientists all proudly took the roles of aunts and uncles to the boy, but by all rights except blood, Y/n was Spider's mother. She fed and bathed the baby, clothed him, nurtured him, and sang songs to get him to sleep. Sure, she would let the other scientists help with Spider if she needed to take her avatar out for a drive, but she was determined to be Spider's family when no one had formally stepped up.
Even though he didn't realize it back then, Tsu'tey had come to greatly admire Y/n for her sacrifice and determination to raise a child all on her own. She didn't expect anyone to help and she took motherhood in stride. She acted as if she was always meant to be a mother and she had been waiting for this moment her whole life. After first meeting Spider, Tsu'tey wouldn't visit Hell's Gate for some time and didn't often think about the human child or his mother. It would be years before Tsu'tey is reacquainted with them, their paths crossing once more, and only because Spider was finally old enough to wear a mask.
PANDORA, 2163
Spider was nine years old when he first donned a breathing mask and ventured out into the vast world of Pandora, leaving the square walls of the biolab behind him. The scientists had made it into a whole celebration like it was his birthday, providing gifts of Na'vi-make and even a cake before he got too antsy and was ready to go outside. His mother was equally excited for him. Dawning her avatar, Y/n brought Spider outside after triple-checking that his mask was firmly in place. She first let the boy wander into the treeline a little bit to get the feeling of grass beneath his feet and let him try to climb the trees like the little spider monkey he was named after. He had struggled to climb the first couple of tries but managed to get the hang of it before Y/n took him on a ride aboard her ikran that she had tamed only a few years prior.
While Norm was able to gain a banshee not long after the war, Y/n had decided to wait out her training to become a Na'vi warrior due to raising a human child who couldn't go everywhere with her. Once Spider was old enough not to need his mother every minute of the day, she finally felt comfortable with occasionally leaving Hell's Gate and learning the ways of the Omatikaya. The start of her Iknimaya went smoothly due to the number of teachers she had, and eventually, she came home flying her very own ikran. Spider squealed and laughed from his bedroom window at the sight of the creature, already in love as if his mother had just brought a stray cat home. Y/n immediately sat her son down to gently let him know that an ikran is not a pet and demands respect and space. However, the ikran appeared more than happy to act like the family pet, curiously watching Spider from behind the window and resting right underneath said window whenever the creature wasn't out flying.
And when Spider was finally allowed to go outside, the boy and ikran finally got to officially meet. It was like watching a rescued animal find its forever home. Immediately cozying up and trusting the nine-year-old, the ikran allowed Spider to hug its whole face in his arms while jumping up and down happily. With excitement, Spider begged his mother to take him on a ride and finally, he got to learn what it was like to fly.
Y/n immediately flew Spider to the village so he can lay eyes on all the Na'vi for the first time. The People were happy to greet the child after hearing so many stories from his mother. The Omatikaya had grown to love Y/n and the other scientists as part of the People once they had begun to learn the Na'vi way and tame their own banshees, so when the Na'vi were finally introduced to Spider, it was like meeting the first grandbaby of the family! Everyone wanted to hold Spider due to the fascination of the fact he was still so small at his age, and the kid happily ate up all the attention. Through his excitement, he kept jumping between languages when speaking, but most of the Omatikaya were able to grasp the boy's words with ease and would respond in kind. Eventually, Y/n managed to bring her kid to the Sully marui without too many people resisting, and so Spider got to meet his best friends for the first time.
Jake and Neytiri excitedly welcomed Spider, hugging him and dragging him inside like he was a nephew who had been far away from home for far too long. Y/n followed them into the home, smiling fondly as Spider was introduced to Neteyam, Kiri, and Lo'ak. All three Sully kids were very bug-eyed and curious about this new friend. And for the first time since arriving in the village, Spider was suddenly shy with all the attention he was getting. He ran back to Y/n and hid behind her legs, nervously holding her tail while peeking at the kids behind his mask. The adults all laughed while the Sully kids continued to ask Spider questions until finally, he got comfortable enough to come out of hiding. Y/n and Spider stayed for dinner that evening after the kids begged their parents to let them stay so Spider could play. Once they got over poking and prodding Spider with interest, the two Na'vi boys and girl kept dragging him everywhere, frantically wanting to show him all their toys and favorite hiding spots, acting like he was leaving forever the moment he and Y/n would eventually step out of their home. The adults calmly remind the children that now that Spider is big enough to wear a mask, both he and Y/n would be coming back to the village as many times as they want, but that didn't convince the kids to slow down.
Tsu'tey was invited to dinner as well, but due to his responsibilities, he arrived late and could only stay for a little while. Y/n happily greeted him like an old friend -they had only met a few times over the years-, pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering them in his direction, "Olo'eyktan. Oel ngati kameie."
Tsu'tey gestured in response out of respect but otherwise said nothing. Had he still been younger and just a warrior, Tsu'tey would've been able to help mentor Y/n during her Iknimaya trials. But due to being olo'eyktan now, he had to hand down those responsibilities to someone who had the time to do so, therefore his meetings with Y/n were far, and few in-between. As she was training, there were communal dinners where both parties were cordial to one another, entertaining small talk but otherwise keeping their respective distance. Y/n had become closer to Jake, Neytiri, and their growing family, therefore she and Tsu'tey saw each other more than usual but still in passing, like two ships in the night. Tsu'tey was like a teacher and an uncle to the Sully children, while Y/n was becoming to be a friend of the family. Now that Spider was in the picture, Tsu'tey had a feeling he had not seen the last of the mother and son.
If everyone thought Spider was shy meeting the Sully kids, they had not seen Spider meeting Tsu'tey. The boy immediately straightened his back and froze like a deer in headlights. Despite being shy and refusing to say a word, the human child looked at Tsu'tey in awe of him, recognizing his station as the clan leader of the Omatikaya. Y/n laughed and gathered her son up in her arms when he couldn't move, facing Tsu'tey so both Na'vi man and human child could get a better look at each other, "Spider, this is Tsu'tey te Rongloa Ateyo'itan. You've met before, but you were too little to remember. He is olo'eyktan. Do you remember what we say when greeting someone new?"
Under Tsu'tey's stare, Spider's hand shook as he brought his tiny fingers to the top brim of his breathing mask before lowering it in the Na'vi man's direction, speaking just above a whisper, "O-- Oel ngati kameie..."
The marui is silent and the boy waits with bated breath. To Spider's credit and everyone's amazement, Tsu'tey thinly smiled and made the same hand movement back to the child, "You speak very good, taronyutsyìp. Your mother and other caretakers have taught you well."
Spider's frozen shock had broken in exchange for a large, beaming wide smile, staring at Tsu'tey as if the man had just handed him the world. Y/n smiled at her adorable son's reaction and gratefully nodded to Tsu'tey before the moment was broken by none other than Jake's teasing, "How come you weren't complimenting me when I was learning, brother?"
"Because you were a teylupil prrnen who had to hold Neytiri's hand every step of the way," Tsu'tey was quick to respond but made sure to only speak in a hushed voice which only the adults could hear.
Neytiri playfully scolded Tsu'tey for his language and shoved a small niktsyey into his hands before he could leave, all the children confused as to why both Jake and Y/n were laughing to the point they had missed Tsu'tey sneaking out of the pod.
~~~~~~~~~
That was indeed, not the last time Tsu'tey would see Y/n and Spider. The next time they visited the village was a week later, and Tsu'tey wasn't even aware of their presence until his evening tasks were disrupted by a small force running into his legs and hugging them tightly. Startled into looking down, Tsu'tey found Little Spider, not even standing up to the height of the chief's knees, clinging to his strong blue legs for dear life while beaming up at him through his mask. Spider laughed due to Tsu'tey's reaction and paid no mind to his mother when she finally arrived. Tsu'tey didn't even notice Y/n until she stood in front of him, looking guilty and apologetic.
"Forgive me, ma olo'eyktan. He didn't want to go home until he got to see you."
Her ears pinned back against her head, tail drooping as she stared anxiously at the usually fierce and stone-faced clan leader. She looked tired, likely from a long day of following her child everywhere while he went on these new, exciting adventures around the village and surrounding forest. Y/n had volunteered to take Spider and the Sully kids to the nearby river so they could play and let off some steam. Jake and Neytiri had gratefully accepted the offer, ready to have some time away from their children for the first time in years. One look at the female avatar and Tsu'tey could tell just how drained she had been from watching all four children who barely grasp the idea of being 'careful.'
Years later, Tsu'tey will not be able to recall what came over him, but in a split-second decision, he bent down and scooped the little human boy into his arms, much to Spider's delight who squealed and laughed happily. To no one's surprise, the pink-skinned child was lighter than a basket of banana fruit and didn't struggle when Tsu'tey lifted him up over his head until the boy was sitting on his strong, broad shoulders. Spider dutifully grabbed onto Tsu'tey's braids to stay upright, eyes widening in joy and wonderment as he looked around, seeing the world from a new height that Spider could only dream of.
Tsu'tey made no sound to acknowledge his decision, despite already clocking a few bystanders who had stopped to stare at their olo'eyktan in shock before he turned to Y/n, speaking as blunt and firm as always, "He has seen me. Now let's get him to your ikran."
Initially surprised, Y/n could only nod and obediently led the Na'vi man in the direction of the claimed ikran rookery. They walked in silence apart from Spider's ramblings, beaming and waving down at all the Na'vi they passed by. Tsu'tey stubbornly ignores the stares, keeping his head held high and his gaze ahead of him, still exuding the confident, proud walk of a chief without ever acknowledging the sky demon child sitting up on his shoulders. Spider wasn't bothered by his silence, still babbling about all the things he did today and excitedly exclaiming how he couldn't wait until next time. They finally walk up to Y/n's ikran and without a word, she formed tsaheylu and expertly hopped up into her saddle, bending down to accept Spider from Tsu'tey once the man plucked the kid from his shoulders. Taking this time to admire the handiwork Y/n put into making her ikran's saddle as she secured her son in front of her, Tsu'tey nearly made a fool of himself by staring and immediately shook out of his thoughts.
"Now, boy," Tus'tey spoke carefully, lowering his voice so as not to startle the child as he stepped away from the banshee, eyeing Spider with a stern expression, "Be good for your sa'nok the rest of the night. Do not give her trouble and do as your told."
"Yes, sir!" Spider puffed out his chest and dutifully nodded, excited to follow an order straight from the Omatikaya's olo'eyktan.
Y/n huffed in amusement before flashing Tsu'tey a small smile of gratitude, "Thank you, Tsu'tey."
"Get some rest, my friend," Tsu'tey firmly nods back, "That's an order."
To his internal surprise, Y/n laughs, and even though he was confused, Spider laughed with her. Tsu'tey didn't react to their laughter, every muscle in his face coming together to keep as firm and as serious as he could manage. He wasn't sure when was the last time a woman laughed at something he said. Normally, no one laughed at Tsu'tey, believing he was too serious and he was taken as seriously as one could manage. It wasn't as though he was trying to be funny, but it was like Y/n could see something behind his eyes that told her that at this very moment, she didn't have to treat him as the clan leader. Perhaps it was the way he called her 'friend' that made her realize that she didn't have to be so formal around him. Either way, he didn't plan on correcting her manners.
Tsu'tey couldn't remember when they eventually flew away, back to Hell's Gate. He could only remember standing there like an idiot even after the mother and son were out of sight, their gentle, sweet laughter still echoing in his ears.
~~~~~~~~~
It became a sort of tradition. After a long day of being in the village, Spider would always escape his mother and run to Tsu'tey every time she told her son it was time to go home. After the first three times he did this, both Tsu'tey and Y/n just silently agreed to go along with it and indulge the child in his little tradition. Every evening Y/n and Spider were visiting the clan, the olo'eyktan could count on the young boy to find him like clockwork, then Tsu'tey will, again, lift Spider up onto his shoulders and follow Y/n back to her ikran.
Tsu'tey noticed that the mother and child were visiting the village more and more and he chalked it up to be because Neytiri had just announced that she was pregnant again. Everyone was ecstatic, especially the children. Knowing that a new baby was on the way, Spider could be spotted around the Sully marui almost every single day. The kid was in awe at the idea of meeting someone who was finally going to be smaller than him, at least for a little while. He also fully ramped the other Sully kids up, getting them to be excited for another little sibling, especially Lo'ak, who was ready to finally be a big brother instead of the youngest.
As tradition goes, the People would gift the expecting parents food and necessities in preparation for the unborn child. It was a good way to help Jake and Neytiri focus on their growing family and pay more attention to their three children instead of worrying about getting much-needed supplies ready for the baby. After Y/n explained this tradition to her son, Spider was determined to also present a gift to Jake and Neytiri, and who else could possibly help him with that but none other than Tsu'tey?
The olo'eyktan helps the boy, despite the nagging voice in the back of his head, and tries his best to help when he has the time. If Tsu'tey is not making his usual errands, he can be found with the human boy who practically drags him through the forest, looking for appropriate items to gift the Sullys. Y/n usually goes with them, never too far from her son, therefore she finds herself in Tsu'tey's company more than she ever has in all the years she's known him. And he doesn't appear bothered by it. In fact, he inwardly looks forward to these small adventures, feeling like a young warrior again who could freely leave the village without too many responsibilities weighing down his shoulders. Either Spider blindly takes the two adults through the trees without any idea of where he was heading, or he lets Tsu'tey take the lead, always excited for where the chief will take them now. The three of them do this for an entire week until Spider presents Neytiri with a beautiful bracelet with six, various different colors of beads to represent how many people will soon be in her family. Neytiri's smile was like starlight, so wide and emotional as she pulls the small boy into her arms, kissing the glass of his mask as tears stream down her cheeks. After Spider asks her why she was crying, she was quick to reassure him that they were happy tears and tells him how much she loved his gift, all the while Tsu'tey and Y/n are standing off to the side, fondly watching this scene take place.
It was an eye-opening moment for the usually fierce, stone-faced olo'eyktan. He had been standing so close to Y/n, closer than he had ever allowed himself to be with anyone, while they both watched Spider beam up at Neytiri and happily ramble about his adventures while finding the perfect beads for his bracelet. As the child explained that Tsu'tey and Y/n always went with him, even Neytiri looked surprised, glancing up at the two other adults with her ears flicking with interest. Tsu'tey swallowed and stood firm, trying not to appear nervous under the Na'vi woman's gaze.
Neither Spider nor Y/n noticed this brief interaction as the boy finally turns back to his mother and the olo'eyktan, remembering their presence and running toward them, cheering, "She liked it! She liked it!"
"I can see that," Y/n smiled, giggling as she bent down to receive Spider, picking him up in her arms without a sweat. Normally, it's a struggle in her human body to lift him up as he continues to grow, but as an avatar, it's like holding a three-year-old again. Oh, how she missed those days.
Still in Y/n's arms, Spider reaches for Tsu'tey, making grabby hands at the man who stood close enough for the boy to touch him. Tsu'tey nearly froze under the boy's attention, his own tongue betraying him when he couldn't find anything to say. It was too domestic, watching the way Spider looked for approval from both Y/n and Tsu'tey. Watching as both Spider's and Y/n's eyes land on him nearly takes his breath away, as if seeing the pair of them through rose-tinted glasses for the first time. And while standing so close, Tsu'tey can almost pretend, just for a moment, that Spider was not just any child, but his, the child wanting to share the events of his day as he had run to both Tsu'tey and his mother like they came as a pair, not just one or the other.
This was the first time Tsu'tey ever realized the gift Eywa was offering to him, but at the time was too cowardly to accept it. Taking one last look at the way Spider leaned his soft pink head on Y/n's blue shoulder, Tsu'tey looked away, purposely engraving the sight of those two small brown and gold pairs of eyes staring questionably up at him.
Even though there was no need to go out into the forest anymore, Tsu'tey still insisted on taking the mother and son out on adventures under the guise that it was time Spider learned how to gather and forage. Tsu'tey firmly stated that the boy needed to recognize certain plants before he could ever learn to become a hunter. Spider perked up at this idea, cheering and running to Neteyam, Kiri, and Lo'ak to brag about his upcoming lessons. Y/n appeared hesitant at first -call it a mother's concern- but eventually accepted the idea, happily tagging along so she could witness her son's first lesson.
One lesson became two, then three, then four, five, and six. Eventually, Tsu'tey had lost count of the number of days he had squeezed in time to teach Spider the ways of the Na'vi. It had been weeks, easily, and he had no intention of stopping. He was exhausted between his usual duties and his newly acquired student, but Tsu'tey would only have to look as far as Spider and Y/n's smiles to think it was all worth it.
Before he knew it, Y/n had fully completed her Iknimaya. After surviving the Uniltaron, she was painted and born a second time as one of the People. The whole clan was happy for her, and even Tsu'tey bore a small but genuine smile as he stood before her as her olo'eyktan and welcomed her into the Omatikaya clan, placing his arms on her shoulders as everyone else followed suit, creating an overflowing circle of Na'vi all around her.
With Y/n being recognized as a member of the clan, Tsu'tey feels a small barrier break between them. Something unspoken had come to light and before he could argue with himself, Tsu'tey had done something he hadn't done in a while.
His carving skills needed improvement after so many years of nonuse, but it was still a talent he possessed. The next time he spotted Y/n and Spider in the village, he boldly approached them without a second thought. Spider saw him first and excitedly ran to Tsu'tey, hugging his legs until the olo'eyktan crouched down to his height. Y/n walked up to them just as Tsu'tey held out his hand to the boy, "For you, Spider."
Spider greedily held out both of his hands with wide, bewildered eyes just as Tsu'tey handed him a simple but perfectly carved wooden pa'li toy. Spider initially stood there, shocked, staring down at the toy while Tsu'tey began to shuffle uncomfortably on his heels, "I understand if you think you are too big for toys--"
His backtracking was quickly interrupted by Spider lunging at him, throwing his little arms around the man's neck before practically squeezing the air out of him. Tsu'tey let out a gust of wind at the impact, unaware that the kid had that much strength in such a small body. It took a moment, but eventually, Tsu'tey began to awkwardly pat the boy on the back while Spider continued to hug fiercely.
Y/n was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling and was failing miserably, the smile stretching far enough to make her facial muscles hurt. Tsu'tey bravely peered up at her and offered his best, closed-mouth smirk, despite still awkwardly holding the child in his arms. Y/n took a deep breath and was able to rein in the smile until it was small and gentle, clearing her throat to get her son's attention, "What do you say, Spider?"
"Thank you. Irayo, " Spider whispered into Tsu'tey's ear before finally pulling away, clutching the pa'li toy in one hand while his mother took the other. Slowly, they both walk away but would occasionally look back at Tsu'tey with those sweet, dazzling smiles that make Tsu'tey feel as though he had just lifted a mountain that was in the mother and son's path. After they disappeared into the crowd, he finally stood back up, stubbornly ignoring all the stares the scene no doubt caused before going about his day as normally as he could.
Once almost every week, Tsu'tey would have something new to offer Spider. It could be a toy, small bracelets, armbands, or even Na'vi child-sized clothes, Tsu'tey would make them all for the small human child. Spider's personal favorite was the small bow, already strung up and carved to his tiny size with equally small, harmless arrows. Over time, Spider was becoming more accustomed to Na'vi culture and started to wear his hair in beads and braids and continuously wore a loincloth. The Sully kids were eager to help Spider form his new style but it wasn't hard to get the supplies, seeing as though Tsu'tey had already provided Spider with everything he needed to complete the look. Each gift was more thoughtful and appreciative than the last, and each time, seeing the look on both mother and child's faces made Tsu'tey feel a thousand times lighter.
He thought he was being subtle, but that was far from the truth. Nearly everyone could see it apart from himself. He knew he had been a fool to believe otherwise when he was abruptly visited by his parents, cornering him in his own marui.
"What is this about you courting a demon?" His mother, Artsut, sternly asked.
"I am not courting anyone." He easily answered without hesitation.
"That is not what we heard. The People say their olo'eyktan has taken a liking to the dreamwalker they call Y/n and her demon child."
"Is that truly what the People say, Mother? Or is it just you?" Tsu'tey accused, eyes narrowed on her, "From what I have seen, the People love Y/n and Spider."
"Spider?" His father, Ateyo, repeated the name on his tongue and screwed up his nose, "What a strange name."
"This is not acceptable," Artsut shook her head, "You should have taken Saeyla as your mate when you had the chance. At least she is one of the People and she would have accepted you."
Tsu'tey nodded in agreement, but kept his face impassive, "Yes. She would have. But I will not have her and she will not have me. She is mated with Ka'ani now."
"You should have chosen her the moment Neytiri ran off to mate with a tawtute."
His eyes darken a shade of color and his parents are quickly reminded that they spoke to the olo'eyktan, one of said tawtute's strongest allies who was quick to defend Jake Sully after years of friendship, "You will not address Toruk Makto in such a way. And I do not want you to ever speak of Y/n as if she is not Omatikaya. She has learned our ways and had successfully completed her Iknimaya. In time, her son will follow her footsteps."
The sneer on his mother's face was potent as ever, "Do you actually believe that a sky demon can complete the task of becoming a warrior when he doesn't even have a tswin? Even if he were to be accepted as one of the People, he will struggle all his life and suffer without the means of bonding with the Forest, the animals, or even other Na'vi! You are olo'eyktan and your duty to the People also involves having heirs to succeed you! Raising this human child alongside this dreamwalker will end your line!"
Her voice had only ever risen higher until his father gently placed a withered hand on her shoulder. Artsut immediately silences herself while Ateyo turns to Tsu'tey, "Maitan. Tell us the truth. Are you courting this woman?"
Tsu'tey grits his teeth, staring both of them down, "I am not."
The words are bitter on his tongue, distasteful. What he would give to say otherwise and make his parents flinch as if in pain. His mother shook her head, her tone quieter but still accusatory, "Others have seen you gift the child many things. Do you think we are blind and deaf? We hear whispers, Tsu'tey. We hear that to win Y/n's heart is to dote on her son. You may not be courting the woman with gifts for her, but you are courting her with gifts for her son."
The marui grew in unpalpable silence. Tsu'tey remained quiet, unable to deny it, but kept his gaze sharp and locked onto Ateyo and Artsut. Ever since he became Eytukan's heir as olo'eyktan, he had learned to stop listening to his parents constantly whispering in his ears. He had quickly realized how poisonous they were, hungry for power, believing they know the will of Eywa better than anyone, even Mo'at. He had thought he had fed their thirst for power after becoming olo'eyktan, but that still wasn't good enough for them. For years now, they have shaped Tsu'tey's younger brother, Arvok, into their preferred image now that their golden son had chosen his own path without their consent. Tsu'tey wished his brother had learned to stop leading by their influence and start forming his own future, but has been unable to advise Arvok to do so, given how busy he is as the clan leader. On top of growing up in Tsu'tey's shadow until recent years, Arvok has no part of himself that their parents didn't twist and manipulate. Arvok was no longer his own person and it broke Tsu'tey's heart to watch from a distance, unable to save his brother from himself.
A wave of guilt washes over Tsu'tey but he strongly holds firm, blatantly refusing to let his emotions show, let alone in front of his sa'sem. He regrets not taking Arvok under his wing. He regrets taking time to be with Y/n and Spider and none to be with his own flesh and blood. Perhaps a small part of himself believed he could help his brother if he could help someone as hopeless as Spider, someone who couldn't truly become one of the People, just like his parents said--
'No. That is not you talking. Already they are trying to spin their words to make it sound like your own. Do not let them poison you.'
His own thoughts drown out all the doubt and regret and so Tsu'tey shakes his head to be rid of them with a deep, dark snarl, baring his fangs at his mother and father, "You forget yourselves. You forget your place. You are right about one thing. I am olo'eyktan, and I don't take orders from you. I will never listen to you or agree with you because every word that falls from your mouth is like a sharp blade in my ears. Your ways are of the past when I, your chief, aim toward the future. By the laws of our people, Y/n is taronyu, and Spider is her son. That is enough for me, and I order you to keep whatever you have to say about that woman and her child to yourselves from now on."
~~~~~~~~~
Despite holding firm against Ateyo and Artsut, Tsu'tey couldn't help but feel sour for the rest of the week about what was said in the confinements of that room. Their lecture plus Eytukan's teachings continued to ring in his ears, unable to let him rest. They were right that as olo'eyktan, it was his duty to find a proper heir to take his place and guide the People after he is gone. He could sire an heir or choose one from the clan, but he must choose wisely, nevertheless.
For years, Tsu'tey never worried about heirs. He was openly adamant in wishing Jake Sully to take his place should something untimely happen to him. Toruk Makto had sons and a daughter with possibly another on the way. At the very least, Jake's line of succession was secure if he was olo'eyktan.
But Tsu'tey was alone.
It didn't help that as olo'eyktan, he was still in need of a mate who would one day become tsahik. Mo'at has made it very clear to him, "I am not getting any younger. I will need at least three seasons to train a woman before she can become tsahik."
Neytiri was no longer tsakarem due to choosing Jake as her mate, and while Kiri was a good option for Mo'at to take under her wing, the young girl was still too young to worry about such responsibility. Tsu'tey was positive that Mo'at would rather have her granddaughter become tsahik over whoever he chose as a mate, but he was positive it was due to favoritism. Mo'at would rather teach family over a stranger, and Tsu'tey couldn't blame her for that. Her own legacy was shattered due to losing her first daughter and becoming estranged from the other, neither of who was capable of becoming tsahik like their mother one day.
The harsh reminder of Sylwanin made Tsu'tey's stomach clench with guilt and despair. He had moved past her death years ago, but at the idea of him finally moving on, the phantom pain returned to make him feel regret all over again.
She was meant to be his mate for life, and this all felt as though he was betraying her.
Tsu'tey let his feet take them to a destination, and they end up leading him to the Sully marui. Inside, Neytiri was alone since Jake decided to take the kids fishing with Spider and Y/n, her baby bump becoming more visible by the day. Looking up and recognizing Tsu'tey, she only held his gaze with a smug, all-knowing expression.
He scowled while walking further into the home, sitting across from her, "I assume you heard the rumors."
She shrugged, smirking, "I think everyone has heard or seen something or other. The question is whether or not it's true."
The man hesitates, unable to form the proper words he wanted to say. Here sat his young love's sister, someone who would know better than anyone how he feels because she suffers the same pain and loss every day. And yet... like Sylwanin, he felt as though he was betraying Neytiri as well, "I... I don't know."
Her gaze narrows at him, surprised and under scrutiny, "You don't know?"
"I thought I did," Tsu'tey confessed, his eyes only gazing at the small fire between them, "I was ready to take and bring both of them into my care."
"Then what's stopping you?" She carefully watches him as they sat in silence, letting it linger and simmer like the meat she had just hung over the fire. When Tsu'tey had yet to look up, Neytiri had discovered the answer on her own, "Sylwanin?"
Solemnly, he nods, "We were promised to each other. It is a promise meant forever."
Her posture relaxes, relenting whatever tease she planned on dishing him out in exchange for pity. Her words were gentle as she spoke, forlorn and sympathetic, "You were not mated yet, Tsu'tey, and it was many, many years ago. You are allowed to grieve, mourn, and miss my sister. But I think she would understand if you had fallen for someone else."
Leaning forward to the best of her ability in her condition, she reaches and grabs tightly onto Tsu'tey's hand. Finally, once his eyes met hers, Neytiri whispered, "She wouldn't want you to be alone forever."
She lets him think about what she said, turning back to the food she was preparing in silence. Neytiri lets Tsu'tey hide away in her home, stewing with his thoughts as the village moves on about their day around them. Before eclipse could even make an appearance, Jake and Y/n return with the children from their fishing trip. Looking up, both Neytiri and Tsu'tey take note of how exhausted all the kids look, especially Spider, who was passed out cold in Jake's arms alongside Kiri.
Jake smiles at his wife before turning to Tsu'tey to properly greet him, "Brother. I'd offer you my arm, but I kinda got my hands full."
"So I see," Tsu'tey huffed, slightly amused at the sight before his gaze flicks over to the woman standing beside Jake, "And how are you, Y/n?"
She appeared startled at the question being directed at her, but quickly covered it up with a soft smile, nodding down to Tsu'tey, "I'm alright, ma olo'eyktan. Thank you."
Neytiri smirked, sparing one glance up at her husband before pretending to absentmindedly hum in thought, "Perhaps if you leave us Spider's spare mask, Y/n, you could leave him here for tonight and have at least a few hours to yourself?"
Both Neteyam and Lo'ak are suddenly wide awake, ears perking up at the mother's intention. Y/n paused, about to open her mouth when Jake beat her to it, "That's not a bad idea. He's already asleep and there isn't a reason to wake him," the female avatar turned to the male one, who's quick to reassure her, "I promise he'll be in good hands. And the kids would love to wake up in the morning to find Spider still here."
Again, the concern Y/n displayed on her face was about to voice her answer before Neteyam spoke up, keeping his voice sweet and soft, "Please, Aunt Y/n? Can Spider stay here tonight?"
Lo'ak chimed in, too, albiet a bit louder, "Can we have a sleepover? Pleeeaase?"
All the adults present quickly shushed the young boy when Kiri and Spider squirmed in their sleep but everyone relaxed when the sleeping children eventually settled back down. Jake moves further into the marui to gently place them down on the mats while Y/n turned around only to be met with two round pairs of pleading gold eyes staring up at her, both Neteyam and Lo'ak poking their bottom lips out for added measure.
Y/n snorts, playfully rolling her eyes, "Well, who could say 'no' to those charming little faces?"
Both the boys silently cheer and run in the direction of the other two sleeping children, anxious to join the growing cuddle pile. Y/n watches them go with amusement before she hands Neytiri the spare mask she always kept hooked around the belt of her cargo shorts, "I'll be back for him early in the morning."
"No need to rush," Neytiri smiled with assurance, "Just stop by for breakfast and you can take him home after."
Jake then proceeds to hand the single mother a throat mic and earpiece, "Just in case we need to contact you or you just wanna talk to him."
Y/n visibly relaxed a little at the lengths both Jake and Neytiri were going just to make her feel comfortable leaving her son with them. She dutifully nods and clips on the throat mic as Tsu'tey stands to meet her, the olo'eyktan tilting his head to the marui exit, "Let's get you to your ikran."
If she found his offer unexpected, she didn't show it and followed Tsu'tey out of the marui, unaware of the knowing look Neytiri was watching them leave with. Once they disappeared, Jake turned to his mate with a confused expression, "What was that about?"
Neytiri's eyes shine with a mischievous gleam behind those golden orbs,  "With any luck, by the end of the night, Spider will officially have a father and we will have our future tsahik."
~~~~~~~~~
Tsu'tey and Y/n mostly walked in silence back to her ikran, the beauty of the night slowly making itself known as eclipse finally arrives. Over the years, Y/n was used to how intense and silent Tsu'tey could be and no longer found these quiet interactions awkward. If anything, the silence was actually comforting.
They approach her ikran and Y/n busies herself by tending to the banshee, comforting the creature when it squawks indignant and trying to look occupied to calm her own nerves. It was possible her ikran could sense said nerves and continued to act belligerent. Eventually, Y/n turned back to the olo'eyktan and nods in gratitude, "Thank you, Tsu'tey. I'll be back again in the morning."
He only nods and so Y/n took it as a sign to take her leave as the silence lingers. Double-checking the straps of her ikran's harness, she swung her leg over the creature and grabbed her queue braid--
"Y/n..."
She looked up, "Yes?"
Concern clouded her mind as Tsu'tey's eyes briefly look away, unable to meet her gaze. His ears flick at the same speed as his eyes, betraying him of his nerves as he spoke, "Do you wish to be courted?"
Befuddled, her eyes narrow cautiously, tilting her head with curiosity. Perhaps she heard him wrong, "What?"
He took a deep breath to steady himself, straightening up to be the taller more regal olo'eyktan she had come to know him. His voice is suddenly more confident and formal as he finally looks up at her, "It would be a great honor, Y/n of the Sky People and of the Omatikaya, if you would allow me to officially court you."
Y/n could initially do nothing but sit there on the back of her ikran, frozen and dumbfounded. The silence that was once so normal and comfortable between them was now intense and tightly wound like a meresh'ti cau'pla. As the avatar woman replayed his words back in her head, she couldn't depict anything else from the proposal other than one singular word, "'Officially?'"
Tsu'tey nods while further explaining, "It was not my intention to let you believe I was only tending to your boy in the hopes of courting you, nor do I wish for you to believe that I expect something from you in exchange for training your son. Spider is a spirited child and he is lucky to have a wonderful woman for his mother. You and your son have shown me what it would look like to be a part of your family and now that I have a taste of it, I want to know more. I wish to court you not just in the hopes of being your mate, but one day-- if you and the boy will have me, I want Spider to one day look up to me as his father."
The confession was something Y/n wouldn't have expected in a million years. It wasn't as though she believed Tsu'tey to be too proud, but as the clan leader he had a reputation to uphold and a responsibility regarding the wellbeing of his people. Immediately her thoughts turned to what other Na'vi might think about their olo'eyktan taking a sky demon as his mate, someone who can walk in two bodies instead of one, an alien whose species would do unspeakable things to cheat death and go against everything Eywa stood for. She never took herself to be an insecure person, but Y/n couldn't help the fear she felt when thinking about what the Na'vi people might think about her son if she decides to allow Tsu'tey to adopt him. Sure, the Omatikaya act as though they love Spider now, but what about when they learn that their olo'eyktan's legacy depends on a boy born from the Sky People?
Despite her fears, she couldn't help but think about how much happier Spider has been around Tsu'tey and the village. Y/n thought about how the boy would suddenly become sad upon returning to the biolab and leaving his friends behind, or how when he adamantly talked, it was only about the Na'vi and the Sully kids and of course whatever Tsu'tey had taught him that day. Though Y/n and the other scientists have tried to teach Spider the ways of the Sky People with the proper education and history of their culture, the kid doesn't want anything to do with Earth and tends to stick with whatever he had learned from the Omatikaya. Over time, Y/n had told the other scientists to give it up, coming to terms that Spider didn't want to learn about where he came from, only about the home he had now and the friends he had gained. Y/n couldn't blame him. Tsu'tey was a better teacher than even Max or Norm when it came to the topics Spider wanted to actually learn about. Tsu'tey was patient but firm. Informative but vigor. On one hand, he would make sure Spider listened and held onto every word he said, but on the other, he was a good listener and would praise Spider for every achievement made in his lessons. Y/n remembered watching them with fondness, amused and delighted by their interactions. As often as she sees her son and the olo'eyktan together, the more she, too wished to see what would happen if she allowed herself to feel something for that man. The man who opened his arms out to selected Sky People, allowing them into his village. The man who took Spider under his wing despite the fact the boy was human and treated him with kindness and respect even though he didn't have to. Tsu'tey has every reason to hate the Sky People and the face Spider wears, but he doesn't, and what Y/n initially thought she felt was admiration for Tsu'tey was actually a growing love for him and his character.
But she had stamped down her feelings because she was afraid of getting Spider's hopes up. She couldn't afford to disappoint her son when he already adores Tsu'tey to no end. When Y/n opened her mouth, she whispered her own confession to the olo'eyktan anxiously waiting for an answer, "... He already does."
She watches as his eyes widen before she made the decision to hop back down from her banshee, closing in the gap between them as she took the necessary steps to stand right before Tsu'tey. She watched his eyes for a moment, looking for something, likely making sure he wasn't joking despite knowing he was the last person on this planet who would. She hadn't realized they were standing so close until she felt the warm air of his breath softly fanning her face, causing her to blink rapidly and clear her throat when her skin began to prickle into a soft blush. Ignoring her brief fluster, she allowed herself to slowly, cautiously lean forward and felt relief when Tsu'tey did as well. Their foreheads faintly touch until their movements became bolder, pressing closer until they were sharing the same tight space and combating the tense air between them. Leaning into him further, Y/n closed her eyes and basked in his embrace, "You really want this?"
His shaky exhale hits her face, her eyelashes briefly twitching but otherwise remaining closed as if afraid to open and see his expression. Tsu'tey's voice was less confident now and more breathless, unable to take in a full gulp of air in this woman's presence. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the closeness, even if only for tonight, he didn't care if it was selfish. He gently gripped her arm as he whispered, wanting to pull her even closer to him than possible, "Yes. By Eywa, yes."
Her lips twitched into a smile at the same time her heart lept in joy, "I accept your proposal."
Faintly patting his chest, she then pulled away, both of them opening their eyes and smiling shyly at one another. Y/n blindly backs away to reach her ikran, unwilling to look away until the last second, "I'll see you in the morning."
~~~~~~~~~
Also heavily inspired by illustrations called ‘our paths crossing’ by kening zhu
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Lemme know if you would like a Part 2! I was hoping to write more for this but it was starting to get long, so you decide if it should continue! Also leave a request in my inbox but be sure to check up on the rules first. Thank you!
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gogh-with-the-flow · 3 months
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Angst for no reason incoming (cw: cheating)
Johnny had been off ever since you picked him up from the airport last night. It wasn't unusual for him to be distant sometimes when he first got home. It was a difficult adjustment going from live fire back to civilian life, and sometimes he needed time to get back into the swing of things. But this time was different. He couldn't look you in the eyes. Instead of falling exhausted into your arms, he shied away from your touch. His body was stiff when you hugged him. He didn't rest his hand on your thigh the whole ride home. He didn't even kiss you.
You assumed he had seen or done something worse than usual. You assumed the deaths had been more brutal, more numerous. Maybe he had lost someone close to him this time. It's not like he could even tell you, all his operations were black. Strictly confidential. You were just a civilian.
You did your best to comfort him. You made him a hot meal, drew him a bath, offered to massage his sore muscles; but he picked at his plate until it was cold, locked the bathroom door, and slept with his back to you all night.
Something in your gut told you it was wrong. You ignored the pit in your stomach that warned you. You boxed his dinner up for him to eat when he was feeling better. You pulled the blankets tighter around you to drive out the cold you felt without him beside you as you slept. You pretended to be asleep when he silently rolled out of bed and crept out of the bedroom. You pretended not to hear his low voice talking on the phone in the living room. You pretended not to hear him cry.
He avoided you the next day, too. Answering in one or two words, barely eating, leaving the room as soon as you walked in. He barely spoke to you until that evening.
He called you into the living room, where you found him sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his hands, eyes unfocused staring out at the wall. His wedding band glowed in the lamplight. You sat beside him. Your hands reached to comfort him, but landed instead in your lap when you noticed how he tensed when you reached for him.
"I need to tell you something," he said, his voice low and monotone, his words careful and measured. He wouldn't look at you. His blue eyes were cold and stony, his jaw hard and clenched.
Oh no.
"What is it?" You asked, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Your eyes scanned him for any sign of bruising, but his skin was clear.
He shook his head, a slow, even movement. His hands shook as he dropped his forehead onto them and closed his eyes tight. The faintest shine of wetness gathered at his lashes. He took a deep, trembling breath.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, the sound leaving him as if his soul were rushing out through his mouth.
God, please, no.
"John..." you uttered. Your stomach twisted. You heard the thump-thump-thimping of your pulse in your ears. "What is it?" You repeated.
Please, not this. Anything but this.
"When I was away..." No... "Bonnie, I-" Please, God, No- "I had sex with someone else."
The only sound in the room was the ticking of the old grandfather clock in the hallway. His words echoed in your head as you processed his confession. Everything clicked into place as the seconds passed into minutes. His behavior since coming home wasn't that of trauma. It was guilt. He couldn't look you in the eye, couldn't even bare to touch you, because he couldn't carry the weight of his shame.
Your body and mind operated separately. You tried to sort your thoughts out, but your heart was running away from you. Your hands trembled as you fumbled with your wedding ring. Your throat felt as if you had swallowed a stone whole. Your face was wet with tears you hadn't even felt fall.
"Who?" You asked. Your voice sounded more like nails clawing at a closed door. Johnny gasped as he strangled down his own tears.
"My lieutenant," he confessed, his voice saturated with guilt. The watery words erupted from his chest like a violent geyser, as if he couldn't get them out fast enough; as if saying them burned his tongue, his throat, his stomach.
You sobbed at the revelation. You knew him. You'd shaken his hand. You'd thanked him for looking after your Johnny. Your Johnny! Oh, you were going to be sick.
Your legs carried you away from him, away from your husband and the future you two had together. They carried you into your shared bedroom, your marital bed now sullied by infidelity. Your hands locked the door behind you. You collapsed onto the floor. His arms didn't catch you. They didn't hold you close, they didn't comfort you. There was no comfort to be found on the cold tile of the bathroom you'd crawled into. You emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet and cried with reckless abandon.
You screamed and wailed like a widow. You mourned your marriage, your love, the future you could never have now. Your trust was broken. How could you ever repair what you had?
---
Pt. 2 Pt. 3
I honestly don't know where this cane from. I'm sorry guys. Maybe I'll continue this idk
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galene-gothic · 6 months
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𝖶𝗁𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
So, they'll be a workaholic. As independent as they'll be, they'll also be alone and kind of isolated. They'll be really guarded to date romantically which will naturally lead to them being commitment phobic. They won't be the most spiritual person, they'll be someone who'll be more grounded in reality at that time (not really to be honest, they'll be ungrounded and disconnected but will be trying to be realistic and logical). They'll be burying away their feelings and past traumas but after meeting you, they'll start gaining clarity on their fears. You'll cause them to be really confused because of their feelings for you. They won't express any of this to you at that time but they'll rationalise everything internally and feel a sense of gratitude is what I'm getting. You'll make them feel consumed, it's like when the both of you will be together, they'll feel a high but there's still some anxiety there. I feel like there'll be a lot of things left unsaid, some missed communication between the both of you and you might go through a temporary separation. About why they'll fall in love with you, there are many reasons but the main one is just how they'll feel towards you.
They'll feel like they were really mean to you and the way they'll feel towards you will just be out of control. They'll feel like even the way they acted towards you was not very controlled. This is funny, they'll fall in love with you but will be mean to you before the seperation occurs, however, you're not going to be innocent either. Your intentions seem to be innocent but because of how they'll make you feel and because of how they seem commitment phobic (they might make it clear to you that they do not have space for you in their life to be honest 😭). You'll also be cold towards them, at some point, you'll tell them something like you don't really care about what's going on in their life or something (it won't sound as mean but it'll definitely be saddening). You'll be in a very unstable place before the seperation occurs but you'll still have high expectations and standards (probably because lowering your standards earlier got you nowhere). The both of you seem to be really different from each other, maybe even opposites but there'll be something that just attracts you to each other, you'll be equally as repulsed by each other though. There's something about feelings growing very fast here, the connection has such a slow yet fast energy.
When you'll first meet them, you'll seem hyperactive in certain ways but will still have a body language and facial expressions that hint lack of energy. You might meet in an environment where you'll have to take up certain responsibilities but you'll seem too naive and playful to get things done 💀. There'll be times when you'll have small temper tantrums. There'll be some petty arguments, playful banters and drama (to be honest, it seems to be a major theme in your dynamic). There's something about you being really emotional and kind of lacking maturity. You'll teach them a lot of life lessons. After your separation ends, you'll show up as someone with a lot of integrity. I just heard "there's something called 'cause and effect'". You're going to show up as someone pretty honest too, especially with what you want in life and think that you deserve. You'll be on the right path when you'll meet them after the separation. There'll be something about you though, before your seperation they might have thought that you'd probably wait for them because they seem to have come across as a respectful person but that image will just shatter after they meet you again.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're mean to them though. You'll very much be in a 'should I stay or should I go?' energy before or after you'll meet again. You're going to be more focused on the long term so you might choose to let go of them. They'll kind of realise their feelings before your seperation occurs and after the realisation , they'll actually be in a deep reflection period. They'll come off as someone very mysterious and secretive to you. I feel like they'll just hold it close to their chest and might choose working on other things instead. They will give in to their pride and withdraw. They'll just give up, this makes me so emotional to be honest. It'll be difficult for them to control themself because their emotions will feel so raw so they'll feel like they need to get their control back by giving up instead. After you meet again after the seperation, they'll choose to be decisive. I feel like the both of you will look to the past and think about how far you've come. There'll be a sense of nostalgia that'll hit them as soon as they'll see you. I'm also getting that you'll have changed a lot, your core aspects will still be the same though. They'll choose to free themself and trust how things turn out. 'We don't talk anymore' by Selena Gomez and Charlie Puth is coming through here.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
They'll fall in love with you because they'll learn something new through and from you. If they're an introverted person (like low-key anti-social), they could still enjoy being outdoors or around people if it's with you. People don't choose to be loyal, they either feel it or they don't and they will feel loyalty towards you. There's something about them seeing your potential and also helping them see their own potential. You'll make them feel really happy. There's something about wisdom coming through. This seems to be the classic case of 'real recognises real'. You'll feel safe around each other. 4th house and 5th house synastry seems to be significant here (could be composite too though). You will probably be mirroring each other a lot. You'll both meet each other after a very painful ending will have occurred in your lives. There's something about things just slipping through the fingers. A lot of things left unsaid, fear coming in, pushing each other away, etc. They'll fall in love with you because they'll see you as someone who's diligent and determined. They'll fall in love with you because you'll be self sufficient and independent, you'll also help them become the same way.
You'll feel like the calm after the storm to them, however, due to them not being used to the calmness, they will restrict their true feelings and character to a certain extent. They'll end up acting out of character and will be angry at you 💀. Their energy will be scattered and they'll act sort of arrogant. They'll show you unlimited potential though :(. You'll help them feel really confident so they'll naturally act confident too. There'll be times when they'll act really carefree and fun. The love between the both of you holds a certain innocence to it. They will be commitment phobic and end up expressing it in one way or another though. They'll make you feel special and you'll have a lot of fun together but they will give themself away by saying somethings that will make you feel like they aren't serious about you or you don't mean as much to them. Much like the first pile, there seems to be a separation here too. They'll be so different from most people that you'll have met but they'll not seem to be in the energy for anything serious with you which will definitely be hurtful. When they'll realise that what they feel towards you is actually love, they'll jump in and out.
The romance between the both of you (the first time) will be ungrounded and fast paced but also short lived. Even though the relationship doesn't seem to progress, spiritually the both of you will get so intimate because you'll affect each other really deeply. They will use their energy in wrong ways and will be restricting everything. They'll act really hasty, supposing they are ignoring you, it'll be in a haste. They'll end up acting like a heartbreaker and will leave you confused. They'll act really moody so you won't know how to act with them or where you stand with them. At the end, you'll feel like maybe you didn't mean as much to them as you thought you did. This is so sad, oh my god. You'll feel like they didn't care enough about you. They'll just act very selfish, I won't lie. They'll be non-committal and things will be messed up between the both of you. I don't know what will happen but the both of you will meet again, maybe they'll reach out to you. I'm certainly getting some sort of communication here. You'll both be grateful to each other and you in particular will have developed down to earth character. When they'll reach out, you'll not be the most receptive.
You'll probably have an argument or a discussion that's leaning towards you not being open to their offer. You'll tell them something like "things have ended already" or "it's better if we end things here". You'll even say something like "we're incompatible, it's not going to work". You'll have developed a strong identity by that point and will choose to come forward with self integrity. You'll be really forward with them and will try to talk to them in a mature manner. They will choose to come in slower, the energy that I'm getting is that they'll be feeling quite scattered too because you'll make it pretty clear that you don't want anything to do with them. They'll choose to give you time while still having times when they just feel torn and cold. They'll really want control over the situation again. They'll start expressing love to you through their actions rather than their words and will suggest that even if you're not lovers, you should remain as friends. They'll be generous and genuine. They'll just have good intentions for the both of you. They'll express gratitude to you very often. Due to the gratitude, it might be a bit difficult for them to let you go? Eventually, you'll give in and choose to trust them.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
I love this because the last two piles felt draining 😭. They'll be in a calm and emotionally healthy energy when you'll meet them. They'll be caring and tolerant at that time. They'll be emotionally mature and let's just say that they'll be a good person. They'll be considerate of others but still difficult to sway morally. They'll be rising above their problems and will have learned a lot from their past. They'll be positive as they'll know that they've gotten over the worst already. They'll either have developed or will be developing good communication skills. They'll be in a place where they'll want to be honest and communicative. They'll have gained a lot of clarity on a lot of different things and will be having realisations that will be leading to breakthroughs. They'll be pretty mentally stable and will be resilient, even if their life isn't going particularly good, it'll not be going extremely bad especially because of their mindset. They'll be feeling like they can battle anything that life throws at them, they'll be feeling proud of themself too. They'll have a vision for themself and their future. Their imagination will be running wild but in the best way possible. They'll fall in love with you because of how much potential the you seem to have. They'll see your potential and I feel like you'll have a lot of unused potential?
You'll somehow still be very confident though and will be self focused. You seem like the type to be like "wow, I'm so pretty, I must've saved a country in my past life to be born with a face like this" while looking at the mirror, eyes full of admiration for your own beauty. You'll have arguments but somehow it'll lead to revelations and you'll balance each other out despite how different or incompatible you are. You'll let them take the dominant role and they'll feel like they can assert themself with you. You'll hype them up and make them feel like you're proud of them. You'll make them feel like you see them for who they are and see their integrity? They'll feel like they're in the spotlight for you and you see them. They'll feel possessive over you and will want to have you. They'll feel such a tenderness towards you, they'll feel like they just want to keep you in their life. They'll feel protective of you and just adore you so much. You'll also help them feel more confident, they'll not be able to get enough of you, they'll just want more. After realising their feelings, they'll choose to trust you. They'll be more alert, pay attention to you and interact more with you. They'll listen to the things that you say and remember them so that they can make you feel special and touched. This is wholesome. They'll try to be more seen by you, they'll want you to take them seriously.
They'll try to talk to you about things and teach you a lot. They'll also try to get relationship advice from those they really trust. They'll try to create a valuable connection with you. You'll prove to be really helpful to them, you'll help them focus more on their work, they'll just feel really motivated to do better because of you. Even if it's just slow and small improvements, they'll implement those in their own life and also in the relationship between the both of you. Just being around you is going to feel so healing to them. They'll start being even more kind to themself and understand their past mistakes. They'll forgive and accept themself and the way things turned out to be. They'll actually choose to come forth to you with a strategy that is actually logical. They'll still be hopeful though. You'll either ignore the signs that they throw in here and there or you'll just be oblivious to them. Even you'll be working on some stuff within yourself so well you'll be critical of yourself and just everything. You might have been kinda guarded to them because of your own issues but you'll finally choose to be open to communicating with them. At first you'll withdraw from them to sort out your feelings but will make a firm decision after that. You'll let go of your fears to be with them because you'll love them. After you choose them, you'll also find new purposes in life. This is truly beautiful. The direction will be chosen and set for the both of you. I'm happy for you, take care.
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keerysfolklore · 5 months
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Love Is Weird; S.H
my masterlist
pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader - childhood friends to lovers
summary: Steve and Y/N share a deep love that goes back to their childhood days, but misunderstandings, stern dads and separations test their bond. Proving that love can be weird.
warnings: AGE: 18+ ONLY | smut, first time, angst, a lil bit of heartbreak, readers dad not happy with their relationship, upside down trauma, fluff. Set after S4.
a/n: first time writing some fluffy smut with a plot, hope you enjoy I love a good childhood to lovers fic. <3 xoxo
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Steve Harrington had always been the charming golden boy of Hawkins, Indiana. With his perfectly styled hair, denim jacket, and a smile that made all the girls swoon, he was the last person anyone expected to see at a quiet small-town library. But there he was, leaning against a bookshelf, pretending to read a book, though his eyes kept wandering over to the girl sitting at a nearby table. Y/N, his childhood best friend, was engrossed in her studies. Her round tortoise shell reading glasses perched on her nose, she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and Steve couldn't help but smile.
The story of Steve and Y/N's friendship was like something out of a John Hughes movie. They'd been inseparable since elementary school, causing all sorts of mischief and adventures. However, things had changed slightly over the years. Steve's wild reputation had grown even though he had changed over the years the town still talked. While Y/N had blossomed into a quiet, studious young woman. Despite their differences, their bond remained unbreakable, the upside down bringing them close together once again. However over time Steve's feelings had grown too complex to ignore.
To Steve, Y/N was the embodiment of beauty. Her presence had an ethereal quality that could make even the mundane seem magical. He was captivated by every facet of her being, and he often found himself lost in admiration of her.
Her eyes, framed by delicate, long lashes, were his favorite feature. Steve would often get lost in those pools of deep, expressive color. He saw galaxies within them, and each glance from her held a promise of adventure and warmth.
Her smile was like the first rays of sunshine after a long, cold winter. It had the power to melt away his troubles and make his heart skip a beat. The way her lips curved into that radiant smile was a vision he cherished.
Her hair was another source of fascination for him. It flowed like silk, and he couldn't resist running his fingers through it. He loved how it caught the sunlight, creating a halo of soft, golden light around her.
Even the way she concentrated when she was deep in thought held a unique allure. Her brow would furrow slightly, and her eyes would narrow in a way that made Steve's heart race. He was enchanted by her intelligence and her dedication to her studies.
Whenever he looked at her, Steve couldn't help but marvel at the perfect blend of physical and inner beauty. To him, Y/N was a masterpiece, a living work of art, and he considered himself the luckiest man in the world to have her by his side. Even if it was as her best friend.
Every Friday afternoon, Y/N would spend hours in the library, and Steve had made it a secret tradition to drop by and watch her from afar. He couldn't muster the courage to tell her how he felt, especially since Y/N's father, a stern and conservative man, had made it clear that Steve wasn't the kind of guy he wanted his daughter associating with. It was as if he'd never forgiven Steve for his past mistakes.
Today was no different. Steve sat there, lost in his thoughts, his heart pounding. As Y/N's pen moved gracefully across her notebook, he wished he could be as eloquent with his words as she was with hers. Y/N had no idea how he felt, and he couldn't bring himself to ruin their friendship by confessing his love.
Steve's gaze was interrupted by the sound of a library door swinging open. It was Eddie, another friend who had transformed from a rival into a companion after facing supernatural horrors together. Eddie sauntered over to Steve's side, his eyes following Steve's gaze.
"Still pining over her, huh?" Eddie said with a smirk. He'd always had a knack for reading Steve like an open book.
Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, Eddie. I can't help it."
Eddie clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You know you've got to tell her eventually, right? What's the point of all this secrecy?"
Steve looked at his friend, an expression of doubt clouding his face. "I just don't want to make things awkward. And you know her dad would go berserk if he found out."
Eddie shrugged. "He's not the one dating her, is he? Look, man, you can't keep avoiding it forever. What if she likes you back?"
Steve chewed on his lower lip. The possibility that Y/N could feel the same way had crossed his mind, but he couldn't risk their friendship without knowing for sure. He needed to talk to someone who knew Y/N as well as he did, someone who could give him insight.
That evening, Steve headed over to the Byer’s household, where he knew he could find Will, who was more like a little brother to y/n. As he arrived, he saw Will sitting on the porch, with his notebook and pencil in his hand looking lost in thought.
"Hey, Will," Steve greeted him, taking a seat on the steps. "Mind if I join you?"
Will looked up, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Of course, Steve. Are you ok?"
Steve leaned back, gazing at the starry sky. "It's about your sister, man, but I don't know what to do about it."
Will raised an eyebrow, putting down his notebook. "You like Y/N don’t you?"
"Yeah, is it that obvious?" Steve admitted. "I've liked her for a while now, but her Dad and everything, you know? I don't want to mess things up."
Will sighed, leaning against the porch railing. "You're not the same person you were in high school, Steve. You've changed for the better. And if Y/N likes you, she should be able to make her own choices, regardless of her Dad's opinions."
Steve nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope. "So, you think I should tell her?"
Will smiled warmly. "Absolutely. You've got to be honest with her. Just remember, you've got my support."
With Will’s encouragement, Steve felt a newfound determination to reveal his feelings to Y/N.
Steve had always been the epitome of confidence but the idea of telling her that he had fallen for her was a daunting prospect that filled him with anxiety.
He couldn't help but flashback to a vivid memory from their childhood when they were just 11 years old. They were sitting under the tree in Y/N's backyard, sharing secrets and snacks. The sun was shining, and everything seemed perfect.
"Y/N," Steve had said, his voice filled with innocence, "i think I love you."
Y/N had paused, looking at him with wide eyes. For a moment, Steve's heart had soared, thinking he had done something wonderful. But then her expression shifted, and her response came with a giggle.
"Ew, Steve, that's gross," she had declared, making a playful face. "You can't love me. That’s weird!"
Eleven-year-old Steve had felt crushed, and he had vowed never to utter those three words again. The memory was etched in his mind as a reminder of the time he had been rejected by the one person who meant the world to him. Even if he was still naive about love and the world.
Now, all these years later, the fear of repeating that painful experience loomed large. He couldn't bear the thought of Y/N rejecting him once more, especially now that he loved her more deeply and profoundly.
Steve confided in his friends, asking for advice, searching for the right words to tell Y/N about his feelings. They encouraged him to be honest, to be himself, but the weight of that past rejection made him hesitate.
As he mulled over the words he would use, he remembered how she had laughed when he had confessed his love at the age of 11. The fear of being vulnerable and facing rejection was paralyzing, and it was difficult for him to shake that lingering anxiety.
But love had a way of pushing people to their limits, and Steve couldn't keep his feelings a secret forever. He knew that he had to tell Y/N, no matter how worried he was about her response. His love for her was too strong to stay buried.
The following week, he picked up a bouquet of her favorite flowers and headed to the library, where she was deep into her studies. When he approached her table, she looked up, startled.
"Stevie, what are you doing here?" Y/N asked, her voice a mixture of surprise and curiosity.
Steve handed her the bouquet, his heart racing. "I needed to see you, Y/N."
Her eyes widened as she accepted the flowers, and a blush crept onto her cheeks. "They're beautiful. Thank you, Steve."
He took a deep breath, his palms sweaty. "Y/N, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. I've been falling for you, harder every day. I know it's complicated with your dad and everything, but I can't keep this to myself any longer."
Y/N's expression shifted from surprise to a gentle smile. "Steve, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."
As a child, Y/N couldn't forget that day when Steve, her childhood best friend, had told her that he loved her. She remembered the giggle that had slipped from her lips, the face she had made, and how she'd declared it was "weird." But the truth was, deep down, she didn't find it weird at all. In fact, it stirred a peculiar feeling within her young heart that she couldn't fully comprehend.
That night, as she lay in her room, Y/N took out her secret diary from beneath her pillow. With a crayon she had stashed away for this very purpose, she began to write in big, messy letters on one of the pages: "Mrs. Steve Harrington." She wrote it again and again, a secret declaration of her true feelings for the boy she couldn't help but adore.
Y/N continued this ritual, filling page after page with her fantasy of being married to Steve. In her young mind, he was her prince charming, her knight in shining armor, the boy who made her feel safe and happy. Her diary became her sanctuary, a place where her deepest desires found an outlet.
She even confided in her mom one day, in her usual matter-of-fact way. "Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to marry Steve."
Her mother chuckled and brushed a strand of hair from Y/N's face. "That's sweet, dear. Steve is a great boy. You two have been friends for so long."
But Y/N wasn't just talking about friendship. She had a secret longing, one that only her diary knew. As she grew older, that crush on Steve only intensified. Even as she explored relationships with other boys in her teenage years, her heart kept drifting back to Steve, the one who had held a special place in her heart since they were children.
Bringing herself back to the present she could see the relief and joy that had flooded through Steve, and Steve felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They talked for hours, sharing stories and dreams, and for the first time in years, Steve felt like he was exactly where he was meant to be.
Over time, Y/N did talk to her father, and while it wasn't easy, she managed to convince him that Steve had changed, that he wasn't the same reckless teenager he once was.
As Y/N and her father sat in the living room, the tension in the air was palpable. It was Y/N's mother who walked into the room, sensing the discomfort. She had always been more empathetic and open-minded, qualities that her daughter had inherited.
Y/N's mother settled into an armchair, her presence bringing a softer atmosphere to the room. She turned to her husband, her gaze filled with understanding. "What's going on, you two?"
Y/N's father sighed, looking at his wife with concern. "Our baby has just told me that she's in a relationship with Steve Harrington. You know how I feel about him."
Her mother raised an eyebrow, her tone gentle but resolute. "Honey, Y/N has known Steve for years. They've been best friends since childhood."
He nodded, acknowledging the truth in his wife's words. "I know, but I've heard things about him."
Y/N's mother leaned forward, her eyes meeting her husband's. "Listen, I understand your worries, but we can't deny how much she cares about him. She's loved him since she was little, you know."
Y/N's father frowned, his expression softening as he looked at his daughter. "Is that true, Y/N? You've always had feelings for him?"
Y/N nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes, Dad. I've always loved him, even when we were kids. I used to tell Mom that I wanted to marry him one day. I still mean that."
Y/N's mother smiled warmly, her voice full of nostalgia. "She would doodle 'Mrs. Steve Harrington' in her diary over and over again. It was the cutest thing, and I always knew she had a soft spot for him."
Y/N's father sighed, realizing that his daughter's feelings were deep-rooted and genuine. He looked back at Y/N, his expression conflicted. "I just don't want you to get hurt, Y/N. Steve isn't the same guy he was in high school."
Y/N's mother spoke up, her tone firm but compassionate. "People change, and we have to give them a chance to prove it. If Steve makes our daughter happy, then we should support her."
Y/N's father finally relented, his concerns not completely dispelled but overshadowed by his love for his daughter. "Fine, I'll give him a chance. But if I see that he's not treating you right, Y/N, I won't hesitate to step in."
Y/N smiled through her tears, grateful for her mother's support and her father's willingness to see how things would unfold. She knew that her relationship with Steve had a long journey ahead, but she was determined to prove to her family that their love was real and worth the effort.
In that moment, with the support of her parents, Y/N felt a renewed sense of hope and determination to make her relationship with Steve work, and to show everyone that love had the power to transform and heal.
As Steve and Y/N navigated their newfound relationship, it became apparent that the hurdles they faced were not limited to her father's disapproval. The real world had a way of throwing curveballs at them, and they soon found themselves caught in a whirlwind of emotions.
Y/N's father, despite his grudging acceptance, couldn't fully conceal his concern. He was wary of Steve's history and worried that his daughter might get hurt. This tension hung like a dark cloud over family gatherings, making it difficult for Steve and Y/N to enjoy their time together.
Steve Harrington felt a mix of nervousness and determination as he sat across from Y/N's father in their living room. He knew this conversation was inevitable, and he respected her father enough to face it head-on.
Y/N's father, a stern and imposing figure, studied Steve with a critical eye. He didn't mince words. "Steve, I've heard a lot about you over the years. I've seen the way you were back in high school, and I know how you treated girls."
Steve nodded, a bead of sweat forming on his brow. "I won't deny my past mistakes, Sir. I was a different person back then, but I've changed since. I've grown up, and I've learned from my experiences."
Y/N's father's gaze remained unwavering. "My wife tells me I should give you a chance, that people can change. I want you to know that my decision to accept this relationship is based on her insistence, not because I like you."
Steve swallowed hard, recognising the seriousness of the situation. "I understand, and I appreciate that you're willing to give us a chance. Y/N means the world to me, and I'll do everything in my power to make her happy."
Y/N's father's expression remained guarded, but there was a hint of skepticism. "I'm also aware of your past involvement with Nancy Wheeler. I don't want you to hurt my daughter like you hurt Nancy. People talk in this town and I wasn’t too pleased to hear that you vandalised the cinema with spray paint"
Steve's eyes met Y/N's father's with sincerity. "What happened with Nancy was a long time ago. We both moved on, and we're still friends. I would never want to hurt Y/N. I care about her deeply."
Y/N's father finally nodded, though it was clear that his acceptance came with many reservations. "I'll be watching, Steve. If you step out of line, I won't hesitate to intervene. Y/N means everything to me, and I won't let her be hurt. Not by a good for nobody boy like you. I don’t care who your family are in this town. In this house you follow my rules.”
Steve nodded, understanding the seriousness of the situation. "I won't take this relationship lightly, Sir. I'll do my best to earn your trust and respect."
As the conversation concluded, Steve knew that he still had much to prove to Y/N's father. He was willing to face the challenge head-on, knowing that his love for Y/N was worth every effort to show that he had truly changed and could be the partner Y/N deserved.
Steve had never been one to care about other people's opinions, but when those opinions threatened to tear him away from Y/N, it stung. He often found himself questioning if he was good enough for her. He would lie awake at night, wondering if he could truly make her happy, or if he was just a source of stress and conflict in her life. It was a burden he couldn't shake, no matter how much he loved her.
Y/N, on the other hand, was trapped in a constant struggle to balance her love for Steve with her family's expectations. She found herself torn between the man she had come to adore and the father who had raised her. It was a tormenting inner battle that wore her down day by day.
One evening, as they sat together in Steve's car parked at the edge of a picturesque lake, Y/N's voice trembled as she confided in him. "Steve, I love you, but I can't help but feel the weight of my Dad’s disapproval. It's tearing me and my family apart. I just everyone to get along. You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for, why can he see that?"
Steve took her hand, his heart aching for her. "I know, baby girl. I feel it too, and it kills me to see you struggle like this. But we can't let it break us. We have to prove to your dad that we're meant to be together. I’ll come outside your house with a boom box screaming my love to you if I have too." He said kissing the palm of her hand over and over again. Y/N smiled from ear to ear.
As the weeks turned into months, Steve and Y/N became determined to change the narrative of their relationship. They embarked on a mission to show Y/N's father that Steve had transformed into a responsible, caring partner.
Steve poured his heart into this endeavor. He took up another part-time job as an on call fireman alongside his family video job, He started helping Y/N studying hard for college exams, and began to save money to prove that he was capable of supporting Y/N and her dreams. He made an effort to mend the rift between himself and Y/N's father, offering his respect and commitment.
Y/N, too, began to take strides in bridging the gap between her family and her love for Steve. She had long conversations with her father, sharing stories of Steve's growth and expressing her own happiness with him. Slowly but surely, her father began to see the sincerity in her eyes and the love in her heart.
In the quiet moments when Steve sat alone in his bedroom, he couldn't help but wish that Y/N's father could truly understand the extent of what had happened over the years in the Upside Down and how he had saved his daughter's life numerous times. Steve had faced unimaginable horrors, and his role in protecting Y/N was a source of immense pride and determination.
He wished he could share the stories of their adventures in battling supernatural forces, the monsters, and the perils they had encountered together. He wanted Y/N's father to know how he had faced down danger and fear, not only for his own survival but for the safety of the girl he loved.
He wished he could explain how he had stood as a shield between Y/N and the terrifying creatures that lurked in the dark, how he had fought with unwavering bravery to keep her safe.
He longed for Y/N's father to realise the depth of his commitment, to understand that his love for Y/N had driven him to confront the most profound and life-threatening challenges. He had been a hero in her eyes, and he wished her father could see him in the same light.
Steve knew that Y/N's father's reservations were grounded in the past, in the person he had been during high school. He wished he could show that he had evolved, that he had changed for the better, that he had become a man who would do anything to protect and cherish his daughter.
In the stillness of the night, He yearned for the day when her father could look at him with pride and gratitude, knowing that Steve had not only loved his daughter but had also been her unwavering protector in the face of darkness.
Over time their collective efforts began to yield results. Y/N's father, still cautious, started to soften his stance on their relationship. He allowed Steve to join their family gatherings without animosity, and the air became less tense.
As the months passed, Steve worked tirelessly to earn Y/N's father's trust. He had gone to great lengths to prove that he was a changed man, that he truly loved Y/N, and that he would protect her at all costs. Over time, Y/N's father had softened his stance, though it was a gradual process.
The pivotal moment came when Y/N's birthday approached. Her father had agreed to let Steve come over and stay the night to celebrate with the family, a gesture that signified a significant step toward acceptance. Y/N was overjoyed at the prospect of sharing her special day with the man she loved, and she had never been happier.
However, that night, Steve didn't arrive as planned. Y/N's excitement slowly turned into worry as the hours passed, and her father, too, was growing increasingly concerned. It was unlike Steve to be late, especially on such an important occasion.
Y/N's Mother tried to call Steve, but there was no answer. Panic crept into her voice as she hung up the phone and looked at her daughter. "Honey, I don't know what's going on, but Steve isn't answering his phone."
Y/N's eyes welled up with tears. She couldn't understand why he would miss such an important event. "Mom, where could he be? Why isn't he here? Maybe he got called out to a fire with work? Or Robin needed a lift back from the store?"
As the evening wore on, Y/N's father couldn't contain his anger and disappointment. He had reluctantly agreed to let Steve into their lives, and now, on Y/N's birthday, he had failed to show up.
As Y/N waited for Steve to arrive at her birthday celebration, a growing sense of worry and confusion began to gnaw at her as she sat on their front porch waiting for his maroon BMW to pull onto their driveway. It was unlike him to be late, especially on a day as important as her birthday. She checked her voicemail repeatedly, but there was no sign of a message or call from him.
Hours passed, and as the evening wore on, Y/N's anxiety deepened. She couldn't help but wonder why Steve hadn't shown up or at least contacted her. As she looked at the empty space where he should have been, her joyous anticipation gradually transformed into a cocktail of disappointment and frustration.
Her father, his concern mirroring his daughter's, began to make phone calls, attempting to contact Steve, but each attempt led to the same unanswered calls and Mr. Harrington’s PA saying to call back another time.
Y/N's disappointment grew into anger as her Mother’s voiced her own frustration. "This isn't like him, Y/N. He should have been here hours ago."
Y/N, feeling a mixture of sadness and anger, snapped back, "I don't understand, He wouldn’t ditch me."
The tension between them escalated into a heated argument, with harsh words exchanged and both parties hurt by the situation. Y/N retreated to her room, tears streaming down her face, feeling a profound sense of hurt and confusion.
Unbeknownst to Y/N and her family, Steve was with Hopper, and they had discovered that the Upside Down had been reopened. A dangerous new threat was looming, one that required their immediate attention and action. Steve's absence from Y/N's birthday was not a choice but a necessity to protect their town and their loved ones.
As the argument between Y/N and her father raged on inside the house, Steve and Hopper were on a mission to confront the terrifying forces from the other side, completely unaware of the turmoil they had left behind. The events of that night would have profound consequences for all of them, testing the limits of their relationships and their resolve to face the horrors of the Upside Down once again.
As Steve, Eddie, and Hopper ventured deeper into the eerie and perilous realm of the Upside Down, the thick atmosphere of dread hung heavily around them. The surroundings were nightmarish, and every step they took was fraught with danger. Steve's mind, however, was partially occupied by worries of a different nature.
He couldn't help but reflect on everything surrounding Y/N's birthday. It weighed on him heavily. As they navigated through the twisted, shadowy landscape, Steve finally broke the silence, his voice tinged with remorse.
"You know, guys, I messed up big time," Steve confessed. "I missed Y/N's birthday because of this, and now her family are probably going to hate me."
Eddie looked at Steve with sympathy. "I'm sure they’ll get over it. I know where I’d rather be? Sat on that leather lazy boy chair with a glass of scotch like your girls Dad. The Upside Down is a very real and freaking creepy."
Hopper, a seasoned and pragmatic figure, chimed in with a reassuring tone. "Steve, let me tell you something. If Y/N was my daughter, I'd be proud to have you as a part of our family. You've grown a lot since I first met you and your over sprayed hair."
Steve looked at Hopper, his eyes reflecting gratitude for the support and understanding he was receiving in this difficult moment. "Thanks, Hop. I really do love her, and I want her family to see that."
As they continued their perilous journey, Steve carried Hopper's words with him, offering a glimmer of hope in the midst of the darkness that surrounded them. He was determined to return safely and prove to Y/N's family that he was deserving of their trust and acceptance, no matter the challenges that lay ahead in the Upside Down.
Weeks had passed since Steve's unexplained absence on Y/N's birthday, and there had been no sign of him. Y/N's worry had transformed into a deep-seated concern, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. She knew that he would never willingly avoid her for such a long period of time.
Desperate for answers, Y/N had reached out to their mutual friends, Dustin and Robin, but their responses had been evasive. They made excuses for Steve, citing vague reasons for his unavailability, and they told Y/N that Steve had gone away for a couple of weeks. Y/N's frustration and confusion grew with each call.
The gnawing feeling that the worst had happened again, the upside down had opened. Her last encounter with the upside down had been at the Starcourt Mall, an ordeal that had nearly cost her life, the memory of the terrifying events in the mall haunted her every day. She didn’t get to experience the upside down once Vecna and all the murders happened as she was away in Salt Lake with her family. Coming home to find Steve and her other friends emotionally broken after Eddie and Max nearly died made her sick with guilt, she couldn’t believe she wasn’t there for them.
With every unanswered call and every vague excuse from saying he was visiting his grandmother to looking around colleges with his parents, Y/N couldn't escape the sinking feeling that there was more to the story than anyone was letting on. She was left in the dark, not knowing the extent of the danger that had resurfaced in Hawkins and whether Steve was safe.
As more days turned into weeks, her determination to uncover the truth grew stronger. She couldn't bear not knowing where Steve was and what had happened to him. The bond between them was too strong for her to simply accept his absence, and the need to protect him and be by his side was a driving force in her life.
Y/N knew that she couldn't rely on the evasive responses of their friends any longer. She was determined to uncover the secrets that had been kept from her and to find Steve, no matter the risks and challenges that lay ahead.
Driven by her growing desperation to find Steve and uncover the truth about his mysterious absence, Y/N began to embark on a solo quest for answers. She couldn't stand the uncertainty any longer, and the nagging feeling that something terrible had happened to Steve weighed on her heart like an anchor.
She started driving around Hawkins, exploring the town for any sign or clue that might lead her to the Upside Down or to her missing boyfriend. As she relentlessly searched, every empty street, forested area, and abandoned building a potential location to explore she grew tired and desperate for answers.
One day, Y/N found herself at the old family video store where Robin and Steve worked. With a deep breath and hope in her heart, she walked through the familiar doors. Robin looked up from behind the counter, surprised to see her.
"Y/N, what brings you here?" Robin asked with a friendly smile.
Y/N's voice trembled as she blurted out, "I need to know where Steve is. He's been missing for weeks, and I have no idea what's going on."
Robin hesitated for a moment, her expression conflicted. She knew more than she could say, but she was caught between wanting to protect Y/N and not betraying the secrets Steve had entrusted to her.
"I… I can't tell you much, Y/N," Robin replied cautiously. "But what I can say is that Steve is dealing with some bigger issues right now than calling you back. Sorry if that sounds harsher than I meant. My brain is just like putty at the moment and I have everyone barking down my ear." She rambled on. “Plus Steve won’t stop calling me and stressing about-“ she stops herself mid sentence.
Y/N's heart sank at Robin's words, her mind racing with doubt and fear. Steve won’t stop calling her? Why hasn’t he ring back? Had Steve moved on? Did he no longer love her? What we’re bigger issues than celebrating his girlfriends birthday? The belief that had been growing inside her for weeks was now confirmed by her friend's words.
Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she turned and walked out of the store, her heart heavy with pain. She felt as though the world around her had shattered, and her relentless quest for answers had only driven her further into a pit of despair.
In the wake of that fateful conversation with Robin, Y/N felt as though she had lost not only her boyfriend but a part of herself. She had believed in their love, and now it seemed that Steve had moved on, leaving her behind in a town full of secrets and unanswered questions.
After the emotionally devastating encounter with Robin, Y/N returned home with a heavy heart. The belief that Steve had moved on and no longer loved her was a crushing weight that seemed impossible to bear. She locked herself in her room and allowed the tears that she had been holding back for weeks to flow freely.
As she cried, her thoughts were a whirlwind of confusion, sadness, and anger. She questioned the authenticity of her relationship with Steve and whether their love had ever meant as much to him as it did to her. The room felt like a prison, and she felt utterly alone in her despair.
Downstairs, the tension in her household was palpable. Y/N's parents had their own disagreements, particularly when it came to the situation with Steve. Her mother, still fond of Steve and trusting that there was more to the story than met the eye, argued passionately in his favor.
"I just can't believe he'd leave her like this," her mother pleaded, her voice filled with conviction. "There must be something more to it. Y/N and Steve love each other."
Her father, who had grown more skeptical over time, responded with a sense of frustration. "We don't know what's going on, and we can't force Y/N to wait forever. If Steve has truly moved on, she deserves to know the truth."
Their arguments echoed through the house, creating an emotional backdrop to Y/N's tears. She felt caught in the middle of her parents' disagreement, the weight of the situation growing heavier with each passing moment.
In her room, Y/N wished for answers, for any sign that could explain what had happened to Steve. She yearned to understand the truth and to find a way back to the love that she had believed was the most profound connection in her life. But for now, all she could do was cry, the pain of her heartache and the uncertainty of the future consuming her.
Meanwhile, In the eerie stillness of Hopper's cabin, Steve found himself facing Robin, his expression a mix of relief and anxiety. He had returned from the treacherous Upside Down, knowing that the town of Hawkins was once again in danger. His thoughts had been consumed by the safety of his loved ones, particularly Y/N, and the emotional turmoil he had left behind.
Robin, who had seen the toll that Steve's absence had taken on Y/N, had sought him out to share what had happened. She had no way of knowing that her words would have such a profound impact on their friend and her boyfriend. As they sat together in Hopper's cabin, Steve's gaze implored her to explain.
"Steve, I need to talk to you about Y/N," Robin began hesitantly, recognising the gravity of the situation.
Steve leaned forward, his eyes wide with a mixture of concern and urgency. "What happened? Is she okay?"
Robin took a deep breath and confessed, "I might have accidentally worded it wrong when she came and saw me. She asked about you and I totally froze and word vomited without thinking. I think she kind of took it as you had moved on."
Steve's eyes widened with shock, and his heart sank as he realized the magnitude of the misunderstanding. "You told her what?"
Robin looked apologetic, "I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I didn't know how much she was suffering, and I thought I was sparing her the pain of not knowing. I didn't mean for it to sound like you had moved on for real."
Steve's expression shifted from shock to determination. "I need to find her and set things straight. She thinks I don't love her anymore, and that's the last thing I want her to believe."
Steve left Hopper's cabin, driven by a renewed sense of purpose. He was determined to find Y/N and mend the misunderstanding that had torn their relationship asunder.
As he drove down the quiet highway, Steve couldn't help but feel a surge of hope that he could fix the damage that had been done. He had returned from the Upside Down with a deeper appreciation for the people he loved, and the prospect of reuniting with Y/N and proving his love for her became his sole focus.
In the stillness of the night, Y/N lay in her bed, unable to escape the sadness that had consumed her since she believed Steve had moved on. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, and as she drifted into sleep, her dreams were plagued by visions of the past and her love for him. Her smiley moon night light she had since she was 4 years old still plugged in by her bedside table.
Suddenly, a faint tapping at her window interrupted her restless slumber. Startled, she opened her eyes to find the source of the noise. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a figure outside her window.
Y/N rubbed her eyes, thinking it must be a dream, but when she focused, she saw Steve, dressed in army clothes, his face bearing cuts, bruises, blood and dirt. Her shock turned into a rush of emotions, and she quickly opened the window to let him in.
Steve climbed into her room, his eyes meeting hers, filled with exhaustion and relief. He spoke with a trembling voice, "Y/N, I'm so sorry."
Y/N couldn't help but tremble with a mix of emotions as she looked at him. "Stevie, where have you been? Why didn't you tell me? I thought you didn’t want me anymore."
Steve's gaze was filled with regret as he explained the truth. "I was in the Upside Down again, Y/N. It reopened, and I couldn't risk your safety. I couldn't bring you into that nightmare again. I won’t let you be apart of it after you nearly died last time"
Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she realised the magnitude of what Steve had been through. Her anger and frustration faded, replaced by a deep concern for the man she loved. She stepped closer to him and reached for his face, wiping away the dirt and blood to reveal the face she had missed so much.
"I don't care about the danger, Steve," Y/N whispered, her voice full of emotion. "I care about you. You should have told me. I was so worried."
Steve held her close, the weight of their separation and the danger he had faced lifting off his shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I should have trusted you. I love you, and I'll never keep something like this from you again."
As they embraced, their love stronger than ever, Y/N felt a sense of relief and a renewed connection with the man who had endured so much for her sake. The trials they had faced together had only served to deepen their love, and in the quiet of her room, they found the comfort and solace they had been yearning for.
As Steve and Y/N stood in her room, their reunion was charged with emotions that had been building for weeks. The relief of seeing each other again, the pain of their separation, and the depth of their love all culminated in a moment that neither of them could resist.
Their eyes locked, and the world seemed to fade away as they moved closer. The warmth of their breaths mingled in the intimate space, and slowly, their lips met in a gentle, longing kiss. It was a kiss that spoke of the love they had for each other, a kiss that had been a long time coming.
Their lips moved together with a slow, almost hesitant rhythm at first, but the intense feelings between them quickly began to kindle a more passionate flame. The gentle kisses grew more fervent, their mouths exploring each other with a fervor that had been pent up for too long.
Steve's hands found their way to Y/N's bare waist under her night shirt, pulling her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. Y/N's fingers tangled in his hair, and their kisses became intense, their tongues dancing together with a growing intensity.
Their mouths molded together in a passionate embrace, their desire and love for each other burning brightly. The room felt like it was charged with electricity as they continued to explore each other's lips and tasted the longing that had fueled their separation.
Their kiss grew more and more heated, their bodies pressing together as if they couldn't get close enough. Y/N could feel the crotch of Steve’s trousers getting tighter against her bare thigh. The world outside disappeared, and in that moment, it was just Steve and Y/N, their love rekindled in a way that left them both breathless.
As the kiss deepened, the unspoken words of love filled the room. Steve and Y/N were together again, and the passion they shared was undeniable, a testament to the strength of their connection and the intensity of their feelings.
In the midst of their passionate kiss, Steve and Y/N found themselves drawn to the bed, the intensity of their desire and love too strong to resist. Their hands roamed over each other's bodies, their fingers tracing the contours of their longing.
They sank down onto the queen sized bed, their lips locked in an unquenchable need for each other. Their kisses grew more heated, tongues intertwining in a dance of longing and affection. Piece by piece their clothes came off.
As their hands continued to explore, their hearts beat in sync, their bodies pressed close, their desire intensifying with each passing moment. The room was filled with the electrifying tension and whispers of are you sure.
“Always. I want you Stevie.” she said.
In the midst of their passionate embrace, the unspoken promise of something more hung in the air, a future where their love and connection would deepen even further. It was a night of rekindled passion, and the shared intimacy was a testament to the depth of their love.
They've had numerous intimate moments, including passionate kisses and lots of heavy petting in the back of Steve's car. However, Steve has always wanted his first time with his girl to be meaningful, so they decided not to rush things and wait for the perfect moment.
And now it had arrived. The perfect moment they dreamt about when they were alone in bed.
As their bodies intertwined and moulded into one, Steve held one of Y/N’s hands beside her head. Giving it a gentle squeeze to check that she was ok. Y/N's free hand started to wander over Steve's skin, tracing the scars that adorned his body as her eyes pinched shut as he entered her. Each scar of Steve’s told a story, a testament to the battles he had fought, both against supernatural creatures and his own past. Y/N's touch was gentle, her fingers moving with care and tenderness as she explored the marks that marred his otherwise strong and reassuring form.
She felt a deep connection to him in that intimate moment, as if her touch had the power to heal and soothe the wounds, both seen and unseen. The scars were a part of him, a reminder of the challenges he had faced and the sacrifices he had made, and Y/N's touch conveyed her acceptance and admiration for the man he had become. It was a moment of vulnerability and trust, a silent understanding that their love transcended any physical imperfections, and that they embraced each other, scars and all.
Minutes turned into what what felt like hours. Heavy breathing and moans were muffled under the thin white duvet to stop anyone from hearing. Steve always said he’d give his girl the stars and y/n began to see them as her eyes fluttered to a close as she was reaching her peak.
As their bodies lay entwined in the aftermath, Steve and Y/N shared a moment of intimacy that went beyond words. Their foreheads touched, creating a connection that transcended the physical realm. In that close, tender proximity, they exchanged unspoken affections, feelings of love, and the profound bond they shared.
Steve's hair was damp with sweat, his physical exertion and their intense connection having left him slightly disheveled. It was a testament to the fervor of their love and the passion they had expressed in each other's arms. His breathing had slowed, and the warmth of his skin mingled with Y/N's, creating a cocoon of intimacy.
With their foreheads touching, their eyes met in a lingering gaze. In that quiet moment, they communicated their emotions without the need for words, their love and desire flowing between them. The world around them faded away, leaving only the two of them, their hearts beating as one, wrapped in the serene aftermath of their passionate union.
Steve slowly untangled himself from Y/N's embrace and reached for his jacket, which had been discarded on the floor during their passionate encounter. He fished inside the pocket, a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he retrieved a small, neatly wrapped package.
He presented it to Y/N with a tender smile, his eyes reflecting the depth of his emotions. "I wanted to give you something, a sign of a promise for our future. A late birthday present." he said, his voice soft and full of love.
Y/N took the package, her heart racing with anticipation. Covering herself with the duvet with careful fingers, she unwrapped the gift to reveal a delicate box. As she opened it, her eyes widened with surprise and delight.
Nestled inside was a promise ring, a symbol of Steve's commitment and love for her. Her fingers ran over the small but beautiful ring. Engraved on the inside of the band were the words, "Love is Weird," a phrase that had often been shared between them, a reminder of the quirks and imperfections that made their love unique and special and always caused them to giggle thinking back to their childhood.
Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she gazed at the meaningful gift. She looked at Steve, her voice quivering with emotion. "It's beautiful, Stevie."
Steve reached for the ring and gently slid it onto her finger, sealing their promise with a loving kiss. Their hearts were connected, and the promise of their enduring love was symbolised in the precious ring that now adorned Y/N's hand. It was a moment of commitment and devotion, a promise to weather life's challenges together, no matter how weird or wonderful it might be.
“One day I’ll be able to afford the real thing I promise. But first I’ve got to get your Dad back on Team Steve. God, I’d fight a Demogorgon any day over the wrath of your Dad” they both laughed.
“I love you so much Stevie but maybe let’s not start by him catching you naked in my bedroom huh?” She said with a giggle. Steve started to get up pulling his tight white boxer briefs up his thighs. “Where are you going Stevie? We have a lot to make up for before we both go to The Upside Down tomorrow.”
Steve removed his boxers once more and dived back under the covers. Neither had plans of sleeping anytime soon for they did not know what tomorrow had in store for them.
Their love story, once fraught with anguish and doubt, became a testament to the power of love and resilience. They understood that love wasn't always easy, that it often required sacrifice and hard work, but it was always worth it.
In the end, Steve Harrington, the charming ex-bad boy of Hawkins, had not only won the heart of the girl he'd loved since childhood but over time he would begin to earn back the respect and acceptance of her father. Their love, once forbidden and fraught with obstacles, had prevailed, proving that sometimes, love can conquer even the most stubborn of hearts.
As Steve and Y/N looked ahead to their future, they knew that life would still present challenges, but they were confident that they could overcome anything together even The Upside Down. Their love story was no longer a bittersweet memory but a thriving, passionate, and enduring reality.
Because let’s be honest, love is weird right? Especially when you’re dating Steve Harrington.
Tagging mutuals & a few accounts I love @castlexofxglass @forevermoreharrington @hopsgirl @whoahoney @palmtreesx3 @ghostlyfleur @seatnights @kersficrecs @munsonsreputation @andvys @upsidedownwithsteve @sunshinesteviee @lovebugism @loveshotzz @wroteclassicaly @jadeylovesmarvelxo @hungharrington @xxhellfiregirlxx <3 sorry if I forgot anyone.
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What would the relationship between the reader and Ghost be like if they knew one another before he became Ghost?? Like they met in the military and reader met his family when he finally introduced her to them. Then the aftermath??
Awe, I love this one. I hope this is along the lines of what you're looking for! Thanks for the request🥰
Before He Was "Ghost," He was Simon.
Warnings: mentions of death, family trauma, angst, swearing, fluff
----------------------------------------------------
□You and Simon met when you both enlisted shortly after 9/11.
□The two of you worked well together and were constantly being sent on the same deployments.
□ It took a bit, but you grew incredibly close to one another, and you were one of the lucky few who Simon actually considered a friend.
□ Both of you just "got each other." You grew to love Simon's dark, dry humor, and he grew to appreciate your bubbly attitude, always wanting everyone around you to smile.
□ You found yourselves constantly in each other's company, whether it be partnered of missions or during downtime on base.
□ Even off duty, the two of you spent nearly all your time together. He was a tough nut to crack even back then, but you had made it seem so easy.
□ You had shown each other your hobbies and interests and spent a lot of your time together trying new things.
□ He was very reserved about his family, only giving bits of information about his childhood. You knew better than to press on it, as it seemed a sore spot for him.
□ It has taken a little over a year of being friends for him to want to introduce you to his mom and brother. He'd arranged the meeting so that his father wouldn't be there when you went over.
□ His childhood home was small but cozy. His mother was a quiet, kind-hearted woman, and you could tell she loved her sons dearly.
□ You got along well with his mom, and were subjected to relentless teasing from Simon's brother, constantly telling you to "just date my brother already." Much to Simon's embarrassment.
□ The four of you were having a wonderful time, his mom telling you of the few cheerful memories of Simon and his brother as children and asking you about your life.
□ Unbeknownst to the two of you, Simon's dad came home earlier than expected.
□ Simon rarely went into detail about his father, but the few snippets he'd given you in the past led you to understand that his father was a piece of shit.
□ The tense silence that ensued had you feeling wickedly uncomfortable, and you could tell Simon was doing his best to stay composed. The atmosphere had changed significantly, and from the looks on everyone's faces, it was clear his dad's presence wasn't a welcome one.
□ After regarding you and Simon with a sinister sneer, his father gave a pathetic attempt at a dry conversation, clearly not caring to put any effort into it. Simon's hand found yours and squeezed it gently, signaling to you that it was time to go.
□ You'd only saw his brother and mom a few more times before they were killed.
□ You and Simon had been separated a few months previously, as he went off to do his own thing, and you'd missed him terribly.
□ You'd heard about it through the grapevine that they were murdered, and tried to reach out to Simon in any way you could, to no avail.
□ You were so worried about him, and the longer you went without hearing from him, the more concerned you got. You missed your best friend terribly and wanted to comfort him in any way you could.
□ He closed himself off to you, and you were worried you may never speak to him again.
□ It wasn't until a few years later that you saw him again. But this wasn't your Simon anymore. This was Ghost. The much feared, yet respected Liuetanant who's past was just as much a mystery as what laid behind the mask.
□ You'd heard of the callsign a few times through chatter amongst the soldiers, and the name was gaining much notoriety.
□ You hadn't really not thought much of the name until you'd seen the man in person. In your heart, you knew it was Simon.
□ He was a part of the freshly created task Force 141, and you had been tasked to accompany them on a search and destroy mission.
□ The first time you laid your eyes on Ghost, you were beyond intimidated. His eyes held no trace of the man you once knew.
□ The only interactions you shared were brief and professional. Simon gave no indication that he even knew who you were, and if you were honest, it nearly tore you apart.
□ You had an internal struggle for days after seeing him again. You didn't know if he even wanted to talk to you, but you were so desperate to see him again and tell him you missed him all these years.
□ Deciding to just go for it, you found yourself walking into the weapons room and saw him cleaning his weapons at the nearest table.
"Ghost?" You asked meekly, slowly approaching the masked man.
"Y/N." He replied, not lifting his eyes from the gun in front of him.
"I um.. I wanted to say h-hi." You felt your cheeks heating up, and were embarrassed that you were stuttering. With our without the mask, this was still Simon. It had to be.
"Don't gotta act scared Sargeant. I won't bite." He looked up to you through his mask. You relaxed a bit, holding his eye contact.
"It's been awhile. I didn't.. I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me. I tried reaching out so many times.. I was…am worried about you." You looked down at your hands, growing nervous again as you awaited his answer.
He didn't say anything in reply, only grunting while he returned to cleaning his weapons.
You knew better than to push him. In your years of knowing him, if Simon didn't want to say anything, he wouldn't and nothing could change that. That's not to say you couldn't feel your heart slowly shatter, you now realized that perhaps this was no longer your Simon, and there was no chance of ever seeing him again.
"Well it was good seeing you. And if you ever want to talk, I'll be around." You smiled at him trying to mask the hurt you were feeling, and turned for the door.
"I couldn't lose you too." You heard him say softly. You could barely make out the words, but you whipped your head around to meet his eyes. "I lost my whole family, Y/N. I couldn't lose you too. The man that I've become since then, is not one that deserves someone like you."
"Oh, Simon. You could never lose me. No matter what I'm always here for you. You will always be Simon to me." You cooed as you moved to crouch in front of him. "I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know what I could ever say to make up for that pain."
You could see Simon blink away tears in his eyes, and he moved to pull away his mask, leaving his face bare to you.
"There's my guy. I've missed seeing that face." You smiled as you slowly placed your hand on his cheek, stroking softly. "Simon, if you'll have me, I'll always be by your side. Can't get rid of me that easily."
He chuckled at your comment, and moved his own hand to your cheek, copying your movements.
The two of you sat like that for awhile, before he spoke up. "I've missed you all these years. I thought it best to push you away so you couldn’t get hurt from my actions. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the woman I loved got hurt because of me."
His words shocked you. You'd loved Simon since the moment you met him, but you truly thought he'd only ever seen you as a familial figure. In the decade or so you'd known each other, he'd given very few hints away that he'd seen you in any way than more than just a friend.
"You love me?" You asked, meeting his gaze once more.
"I've always loved you. Why do you think I took you to meet my my mom and brother?" His eyes softened as he spoke, and his gaze flickered down to your lips.
You chocked out a small sob before crashing your lips onto his. The kiss was better than anything you could've imagined, as it was years in the making. All of the yearning, sadness, longing and love was all poured into this kiss.
You pulled away slowly and pulled his chin down to meet your eyes. "I love you too, Simon."
A rare smile formed on his face, as he moved to kiss your forehead. "Why don't I finish up here, and we can take a walk, yeah? Have a few years worth of stuff to catch up on."
He finished up, and grabbed your hand leading you out to the barracks. He gave your hand a squeeze as you fell in step beside him. As the two of you walked together, telling stories of your escapades the last few years, Simon finally allowed himself to grow happy again. He was beyond excited to start this new chapter with you, the woman he loved, and catch up on everything he'd missed.
—---
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it!☺️ as always thanks for reading!
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urdepressedslut · 9 months
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Tears of an Angel
♡ Pairing: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier x Fem!Reader
♡ Summary: You’ve been trapped at HYDRA for god knows how long, until the cell next to yours gets someone new. Who is this man, and why is he comforting you? He doesn’t even know you.
♡ Warnings: hydra, bucky’s trauma, heavy angst, hints to sexual assault/abuse, torture, literally this is so sad i’m sorry
main masterlist ✧ part two
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | 18+
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You didn’t know why it had hurt that much. He wasn’t anyone special to you to begin with. He was merely a stranger fighting for his life— just like you.
It was a silly gesture that you had let your withered mind believe. You weren’t sure if you held such distaste for him hurting you— or for yourself for allowing it to hurt that badly.
~
You watched the man shout with anger, dripping into fear— lastly he cried of exhaustion. You watched him shuffle throughout his little room, begging with no one in particular— to set him free. The decent sized hole in the wall separating you two— gave you a front row seat to the man’s episode. The outbursts shouldn’t of interested you, but the glimmer of silver from his arm had caught your attention. This man being different than all the others you’d seen.
He did this frequently, every episode shorter than the last. His voice would grow more hoarse, his shuffling would quiet down, his energy vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. Adrenaline would do nothing for him now.
It had been almost a full month of examining the man from your spot in your own cell. Never did you find energy in yourself to say something— comfort him. What was the point, right?
Although the more time that passed, the harder it was to not say something. The man’s faith was thinning right before your eyes. You felt awful for this man’s suffering, all which had been seen by you. You thought you could sit aside, watch him give up— then he’d leave. It’s what you did with all the others, all of them hurting as bad as the last. But this man was a fighter, he was determined— fighting towards something. Maybe someone.
It was only making things worse, the ending would hurt greater than all the others. He was different, he was strong. Knowing that, you knew they would never let him leave. He was their property now.
That’s just how things worked here. Your strength was taken advantage of.
Today he was staring mindlessly at the wall, his eyes dull and lifeless. You didn’t know why you wanted to say something suddenly, but the urge to ask if he was okay— burned at the front of your mind. It was a dumb question— of course he wasn’t.
His hair was longer, having grown out in his time trapped here.
You were about to say something, beginning to clear your throat when your cell door was open suddenly. You were shocked, the gist unexpected— you were starting to think you were forgotten in here. No one having checked your room for quite some time.
But as the guards hoisted you up— easily since you had no fight left in you. They guided you out of the room, down the hall to an eerily familiar room. One that had your stomach knotting up, dreading the pain you were about to receive.
You were so caught up in the moment, you had missed the man’s head glance over to you— through the hole in the wall.
~
The door swung open, the guards carelessly tossing you inside— causing you to land hard on your hands and knees.
You let out a cry— half pain, half frustration. You were unsure how you we able to endure such amounts of pain. You begged for the darkness to consume you. Letting you limbs fill with ice, your whole body sinking into a cold deep oblivion. An escape.
But it was over— for now.
You pathetically crawled to your spot against the wall, the movement causing pain to shoot up through your body.
You stared blankly at the wall, wishing you could forget the horrid events that had just happened.
Today was bad. Bad not coming close to describing the true agony your endured, the torture that you went through the felt like forever.
Your lower region throbbed painfully, and you wished that you could be numb. Wishing so desperately to not feel anything.
You felt violated— the urge to rip off your own skin. The thought of your own flesh had you revolted, wanting to throw up. You didn’t want to feel your own skin, you couldn’t look at it— you wanted it to all stop. You stayed eerily still, fearing that your deep breaths— the expanding of your chest would cause you pain.
“Hey.” A soft horse voice called.
You sluggishly moved your head towards the voice, your eyes meeting with concerned blue ones.
You stayed silent— furrowing your brows like you wanted to say something, but found your lips sealed. Truthfully, you were afraid to speak. You feared the guards would hear and punish you some more— you just couldn’t deal with even the thought.
“Are you okay?” He tried again.
You scoffed, wanting to bitterly laugh at his question— but ended up crying instead. Your body shook painfully, your hands clutching your lower abdomen. You quietly sobbed, your tears soaking your thighs as you hunched pitifully.
Your mind was chaos, you felt overwhelmed. Your body was alert, ready for the guards to enter at any moment— while your mind was exhausted.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay— I’m here.” He whispered through the gap.
You slowed your cries, the comfort his words brought you felt foreign. He didn’t even know you, you didn’t even know him— yet he was trying to comfort you. Maybe it was because you were in such a vile place, that had you grabbing a hold of the sliver of comfort.
You hugged yourself, glancing back up to his eyes now— surprised to find them filled with worry. His gaze scanning over your form, as if he was searching for the reason of you distress.
“I’m Bucky.” He introduced, now sitting against the wall, keeping his eyes trained on you.
You could finally put a name to the face.
You swallowed, trying to remind yourself that a name didn’t mean anything. You could know someone’s name and not be close with them, the walls could still stay up. Right?
“(Y/n).” You told him, your voice so hoarse— a sound barely came out. Your screams from the torture shredding your vocal cords.
Bucky smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes.
“That’s a pretty name.” He thought out loud, and if you had any room for butterflies— you would’ve been blushing from nerves. All your body could manage was fear— pain.
Bucky watched as your body shook with a particular painful looking wave. His eyes widening in concern when your hands clutched your lower abdomen. Your face scrunched up painfully, squeezing your eyes shut— wishing for this sensation to pass.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay— I know it hurts now but just keep breathing okay? You can—” He paused, slipping his right hand through the gap in the wall. “You can hold my hand if you wa— need to.”
You slowly unscrunched your face, taking deep breaths like he had said— the fresh cool air soothing your lungs. Although it caused slight movement, the deep breaths were calming you.
You stared at his hand— hesitant. A part of you knew you shouldn’t— the fact was you shouldn’t even be talking to him. But the other part of you was desperate for human touch. It had been years since you last felt someone— someone’s gentle touch.
Your hunger won, that’s how you found yourself slowly scooting from your spot on the wall, towards the gap— towards his hand. The movement causes the throbbing to pick back up, a whimper of pain escape. You were close enough and grabbed onto his hand tight, squeezing it in hopes he could make the pain go away.
“I’ve got you— just keep breathing. I’m right here.” He cooed, his voice smooth and calming.
You still didn’t know why he was being so kind, but you decided not to question it any longer. You were grateful, to find comfort in such a place.
You quietly sobbed, holding onto his hand— his thumb occasionally rubbing back and fourth on the back of your hand.
“We’re gonna get out of here, I just know we will.” He whispered, and you had a feeling he was trying to convince himself.
You noticed he was peppier today, having more fight in his voice. You weren’t sure if he was only faking it for you, either way— you appreciated the motivation. He was relaxing to be around, specifically today. You wouldn’t question the leave you could find in a place like this. Hell.
“Thank you, Bucky.” You whimpered, sweat starting to bead on your forehead. Your lower abdomen starting to burn uncomfortably.
He gave your hand a tight squeeze, rubbing his thumb up and down once more.
“No need. We’ve got each other now— we will be okay.”
Oh how desperately you wanted to believe his words. Well— you did.
Months had passed, you both clung onto each other everyday— that was until he was taken one day and he never returned. You knew it was completely out of his control— but you felt hurt. You couldn’t stop yourself from feeling betrayed.
You didn’t know why it had hurt that much. He wasn’t anyone special to you to begin with. He was merely a stranger fighting for his life— just like you.
He had held your hand, talked you through some bad moments— he showed you that kindness still existed.
It was a silly gesture that you had let your withered mind believe. You weren’t sure if you held such distaste for him hurting you— or for yourself for allowing it to hurt that badly.
So for now, you’d sit against the grimy wall— counting down the days until someone knew took up the other cell. Then the cycle would repeat and you’d wish for the darkness to consume you.
If you want to be added
TAGLIST: @billy-reads @potatothots @goldylions
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its-your-mind · 8 months
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This is a call to action for all the PJO girlies (gender neutral) that I know are sleeper agents on this webbed site
Go read Trials of Apollo. Go do it. Do it right now.
I know what you’re thinking. “Tbh I didn’t love Rick’s writing towards the end of Heroes of Olympus” “There’s no Percy so why bother” “All of the Argo II crew are kinda OOC” and listen my friends. You are so valid to have those opinions. I felt the same way after Blood of Olympus. But listen to me. Look at me.
Now that you have had some time away, you must give these books another try. For me. For Uncle Rick. For the demon baby grain spirit who is only able to say his own name (Peaches).
Do not worry friends, I do not expect you to read just based on my say-so - I also provide:
A list of reasons why you (yes you) should go read the Trials of Apollo series right now gogogo:
(Spoiler warning - all broad plot things that you learn early on, but I know some people (including me) avoid that shit at all costs)
All the chapters are titled in bad haiku. Ya know that one scene in Titan’s Curse where Apollo just starts reciting apropos of nothing? That’s every chapter title. They’re all so bad it’s amazing.
Apollo is so up his own ass about everything, and it’s so cool to experience the same world through the eyes of someone who is not used to being in amongst the chaos
Oh yeah the plot. That’s a reason to read it.
Okay so
Basically Zeus continues his streak of being a shitty shit parent and decides to blame like… every bad thing that has happened on Apollo, and punish him by turning him mortal and enslaving him to a demigod girl named Meg who is a garbage gremlin with a little demon baby guard named Peaches (see above)
And like the A plot is they gotta save the oracles from shitty old Romans who wanna take over the world (stop me if you’ve heard this one before)
But like the B plot is about what it means to discover that you’ve fucked up, you’ve made mistakes, you’ve hurt people, and you gotta fucking own up to that shit
But also
You do not deserve to be punished for every horrible thing that has ever happened because of you, or even around you, and when a parental or authority figure in your life tells you that, they are an abuser and they are wrong
And yet
It can be so hard to fully separate yourself from them. Because for so long, they were all you had.
But that’s okay, because when you start to learn that the people who were supposed to care for you and love you were not actually doing that, there are people around you who will love you, who will support you, who will pick you up and hold you close and make sure you know that you are okay
And they can’t fix you
But they can give you the safe space to fix yourself
hmm that was an essay about themes and metaphors BUT THATS WHY YOU SHOULD READ IT
also there’s a wikipedia arrow who only speaks in Elizabethan prose (in all caps)
OH ALSO ALSO you get to see Will and Nico being a CUTE AS FUCK couple in the first book. Nico smiles. Also makes skeletons grow out of the ground when people annoy him. Fuck I love this little gay death boy so much.
AND. You get to see so MANY of your old friends. And they still! Get! Plot! And! Character! Development!! Even though they are only there for a little bit
OH OH OH there are two old lesbians who run a halfway house for people who are tangled up in magic shit with nowhere else to go
Did I mention Peaches? I did. He’s my favorite.
OH ALSO. This is “unreliable narrator” executed SO FUCKING WELL. Like, all narrators are unreliable. But Apollo used to be a FUCKING GOD. He has not had to deal with the reality of death all that much. He’s used to people praising his name and bowing down at his feet. But that ain’t happening!! And he is Unhappy about that!! But it also lets there be such a clear juxtaposition between what Apollo believes about himself and about the world and what is really true, which is such a wonderful way to write about recovery from trauma.
Ahem
Anyway it’s just real good Uncle Rick continues to knock it out of the park but he just did something different and we (at least I) needed some space from OG PJO fan brain before I could appreciate how fucking awesome this series is.
OH OH OH and if you like audiobooks Robbie Daymond (hello CR mutuals - yes, this is the one who is our beloved Blue Boi who we (Orym) so desperately need returned) is the audiobook narrator and he is. So fucking good. Absolutely NAILS the dramatic-ass-inner-monologue of this dramatic ass ex-deity. Also nails all the other voices as well. 15/10 audiobook narration I’m lichrally gonna go listen to other books JUST cuz he reads them.
okay why the fuck are you still here. GO. GET THESE BOOKS. If your public library does Libby you can absolutely get them on there. GO FORTH.
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cooki3face · 8 months
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their last dream of you ☁️🔒
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Y’all know how obsessed I am with King George and Queen Charlotte and I’m equally as obsessed with period pieces, especially romance ones. I watched the whole show some time ago and I loved it so much and I felt it really resonated with me and reminded me of my divine masculine and I’m so tempted to watch it again because it’s so beautiful and they love each other so much against all odds so that’s why I chose them for my banner today and chose to use hands with loving energy from period pieces for my pile choices. I’m about to start giggling lmaoo, I’ve got all this bubbling nervous energy about this reading I know it’s going to be a good one. Okay, enough of my useless rambling, I talk too much feel free to skip over this! Love you, enjoy! 💛
***
i.
Omg, I'm gonna start yelling!! I haven't even shuffled out the cards but someone part of this collective as well as their person is very sentimental. Someone really loves someone in such a timeless manner. In every lifetime, in every era, in every universe, a great love is shared here. Like I feel that ache in my chest that you get when you really really love someone and want to be near them. I really want to say buttons are significant, someone collects something or is prone to or has a tiny habit of holding onto things, even the tiniest most minuscule of things because it's in their nature to hold on and not let go. Someone could have a level of childhood trauma here too, a lack of instability makes them feel unsafe or they may struggle sometimes when they don't have all the answers or don't know what all is going on because it makes them feel very afraid and anxious and I hear someone is going through this right now.
You could be in separation with your divine counterpart and your person is mirroring you. I'm hearing “Don't misunderstand them. Don't judge them harshly or hold their actions to their spirit.” just because they're not speaking to you right now or just because things aren't extremely clear doesn't mean they don't love you or want to be with you and wouldn't go to the ends of the world for you. You know them as you know yourself because they are you. Show them mercy. Offer them compassion because I know how you love them and I know you couldn't really truly be upset with them even if you tried because you love this person so deeply and if you ever are upset it's only because you're afraid of not receiving the outcome you desire.
Oh, and you know what in the show Queen Charlotte there's this really cute part where George says that he's good with buttons. This person is good at the things you have trouble with, and this person really compliments and completes you, I'm hearing from this message that this person also wants to tell you that they appreciate everything you do for them and they think everything you do is perfect and beautiful. You could make no mistakes, you could do no wrong you're this person's angel. I haven't even shuffled the cards yet, this energy is SO strong I'm channeling from the heart to you. Ceramics, arts and crafts, or a fondness for aesthetics and the arts (music, dance, singing, etc) can be very significant to this group. Your person wants to enjoy the things you enjoy. I can't stop channeling, this person has so much they wanna say to you. HELP!!! 🆘!! Okay. I’m gonna actually start. Doing it in the form of a channeled message from your person about their last dream about you.
This person wants to speak to you through music by the way or they speak to you through music and through lyrics this person wants to tell you, especially if you have a playlist about them or if there’s music you’ve shared with them or they’ve shared with you to listen to it because they’re listening to it. “Please listen to it.” Something is coming in about the way this person talks to you on the phone or the things they call you “my love.” There was a time you talked to this person on the phone and their voice, their words, almost took you out the game. I had to get it off my chest I’m sorry! They’re like wanting to say so much.
This persons message about their last dream about you:
“I dreamt that I finally learned how to follow my heart and that I was finally the man (person) I wanted to be all this time for me and for you. In my dream, I finally got away from all the things that kept me away and kept me hurt and drained. Everything was changing. In the past I tried so hard to control my feelings for you and how things went because I was too scared to lose you if I tried to come to you and really put my all into us and our connection. I dreamt that finally was strong and I was able to come towards you and I did, everything was possible, everything was okay and I made things right. I said I was sorry and I told you how much I love you and how much I want to be with you and I did exactly that. I made a choice to be with you and it was the best choice I ever made.
I was free. I found freedom. I finally got away from all those karmic people and karmic cycles that I had trouble getting rid of in my waking life and I made time to focus on you, to focus on us. We spent lots of time together, and we went out and did things and learned things together. In my dream, we went to go do art together and we sat on the beach together and we just held each other and it was beautiful. And you looked so beautiful like you always do when you come to see me. I felt your skin, I could feel your breath on my neck when you hugged me, I could hear the sound of your heart when I laid down on your chest, and I heard your voice. And you laughed with me and you told me how much you loved me and about all the things you wanted to do together and I felt so loved and appreciated. I know that nobody loves me the way you do, I understand now.
In my dream, I finally had the courage to stop living for others and start living for myself and go after the things I want. I dream of you every night. Every day, I walk around in a dream state, thinking of you and you're motivating me even though you’re not here, I know I love you because you aren’t doing anything and I feel so drawn to you. While I’m asleep, I can feel your kiss. I feel the warmth of your lips on my mine and I miss it. I miss kissing you and holding you. I’m so afraid that you’re moving on from me or that you’re going to leave me. Please don’t leave. You’re my moon. I feel so blessed to be loved by you. In my dream, I dreamt that we were happy and we were married and had children together and had all the things you told me you had wanted. I remember all the things you said. In my dream, the past, those people, old versions of our connections, the pain, the fear, was all gone. It didn’t exist anymore.”
About to start crying for real. This person feels like crying, they've been crying. I'm like at a loss for words I'm typing one single letter per minute right now- hold on to your hope pile one. Justice is coming.
***
ii.
Pile one was so big, I feel so guilty, I feel like I spoiled them. But anyway, I'm gonna do this in the form of a channeled message, your person is going to tell about their dreams of you. I'm getting immediately that this person really craves you pile two or they crave your touch. This person has deep romantic undertones for you, so much gentleness, compassion, and love but recently something has really made them wanna get down with you. I didn't think any of these readings were gonna take this turn but I just see this person fast asleep late at night thinking of how close to you their gonna get when they get the chance. I see this person really missing you. They may feel you spiritually and they may really love you emotionally but they want so badly to hold you, to be near you, their losing their minds trying to contain themselves waiting for the next time they see you in person. You've stirred up so much love in this person that they have nothing more to do with it than put it on you. They can't think of another way to show you their appreciation except to show you just how much they appreciate you.
I hear this person thinking to themselves and even telling others in the past or trying to describe to you the way they feel when they're near you and it's impossible. You light a fire within this person. They don't know what to do with all of it because there's plenty. This person could burn entire cities to the ground with the amount of fire they have within themselves because of you. It's greater than arousal. Don't get me wrong, this person is very much attracted to you, very much wants to be intimate with you but this person feels that heavy sensation in their chest about you, they feel their sacral chakra begin to activate, they feel the heat rising. If you've ever heard the song Melting by Kali Uchis. And I’m hearing this person saying that nobody can make them feel this way. This person wants to fuse souls with you. This person knows that you’re their person. You could’ve not seen this person in a long time, even if they’ve seen you recently I hear them telling me it’s all the same. They cry when you’re not around, they don’t like it when they can’t see you. “Why do I cry” by Margo Guryan is a good representation of this persons feelings.
This persons message about their last dream about you:
“I dreamt that we finally reconciled and decided to try to have everything we’d ever dreamed of with each other. I dreamt that we talked and we had forgiven each other. You’d forgiven me. I’d forgiven you. Our past was behind us and we finally were ready to move forward and see things from a different perspective. We saw that everything we’d been through, everything we feared, all the pain we felt, and all the times we were in separation were all a part of the divine plan all along and for a good reason. I dreamt that finally, we loved ourselves the way we loved one another, I dreamt that we were confident and we had finally come into ourselves and our power and knew what we came here to do and knew that we loved each other and would not ever want to spend our lives or our time with anyone else.
I dreamt that finally we were in alignment with each other and the disconnection had ended and we didn’t have to struggle anymore. Outside of each other, with other people, outside of ourselves with our fears and our beliefs and feelings. I dreamt that we were finally doing everything we said we’d do and that we finally had it within ourselves to put all of our ambition and all of our dreams to good use in all aspects. I dreamt that you had abundance and you’d found your happiness and your purpose and I dreamt that I overcame all my fears and finally was able to do what I was meant to do and achieve all my goals. I dreamt that we were abundant and happy and successful. All of our dreams and wishes came true. And in all, we had each other and that’s what mattered most.
I dreamt of how beautiful it felt to be loved by you, I dreamt of being made love to by you. I dreamt of your kisses, of your touch, of your body heat. I felt your eyelashes against my cheek, I could run my fingers through your hair, I remembered in my dream what it felt like to look into your eyes and how nervous and flustered that always made me. I remembered how much I love you. How you made me feel. How irreplaceable you are. I remembered how much I needed you for me. How unable I would be to ever be satisfied and content without your love and your presence. I miss your hands. I miss holding your hand. In my waking life, I wonder why you haven’t texted or called. When I wake up from a dream about you I find myself calling out your name or expecting you wholeheartedly to be there because the dream of you is a very real and vivid experience that can’t be denied. I’m sad when I wake up in the morning and you’re not there. It makes me feel like I’m in love with a ghost. I feel you, I hear you, but I can’t see you.
I feel you so strongly. My intuition tells me you’re near. I can’t shake the feeling. All I feel is raw emotion. You’ve left a big gaping hole in my heart that nobody else can fill the shape of but you.”
Let’s all just sit down together and cry. Pile two, your person is giving off this nervous energy. Their so nervous it’s like they’re almost embarrassed by how much they love you and how attracted to you they feel. This person is just a little melty puddle around you. That could be significant. Them melting into a puddle lol they may have told you something like that before. Ugh. Breathe. Take deep breaths!! Everytime I finish the channeled message for a pile, I almost don’t want to start the other group. I don’t want to leave. I hear this person hides from you pile two, they hide how much they feel or they hide the effect you have on them because you make them so nervous. This person may look away from you when they speak to you because if they look at you they'll cry. Or this person really loves your eyes and the way you look at them makes them feel so vulnerable and weak in the knees. This is def a music group. Getting “weak” by SWV. Ugh. Unhand me immediately y'all are making me so nervous. I don't wanna talk to you anymore.
***
iii.
GirlUH! -, I had to take a deep breath and go scroll around on TikTok and consume a bunch of nonsense just so I can have a break and pull myself together after piles one and two. Forgive me. I feel like I've been ambushed.
This person could really feel like they miss you or haven’t fully been able to let you go. I’m getting “still think bout u” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie. This person could've been hurt by you in the past or experienced a lot of heartbreak in your connection but still hasn’t fully been able to release your relationship and let you go although you and this person may have been broken up for a while here if you and this person are separated and not together. I feel very antsy and nervous energy coming through with this person but it’s so strong that it almost makes me want to ignore it or push it down out of fear. This person may suppress or repress their own emotions and then try to up-level themselves or spend time with other people or throw themselves into work to try and make themselves feel better when they’re in pain. Their technique is to be productive and I hear this isn’t working for this person. This person wants to see you pile three they feel like they have no other choice but to be with you even though you hurt them because that’s the only way they see the pain going away.
There’s a complicated energy here and for some of you, you’re like “…” like you don’t want to hear from this person because they may have broken your heart too or caused you pain too and you’re like over it but you feel them tugging on your energy or manifesting you... you may know this person is going through shifts here or isn’t the same and they sense that within themselves or the people around them sense that they aren’t the same. They keep looking for ways to take the edge off and not have to think about you anymore and it’s not working. This person may reflect on memories you have together or the happiness and safety they felt when you were around despite some sort of hardship within your connection. This person is conflicted and is sending you their energy for you to feel because they want you to feel it with them. I avoided starting this pile for a fat minute too. Like I was like “I'm not ready, I'm not ready.” You have this person nervous...
You and this person could’ve hurt each other or not have ended well or there was something that happened that left this person feeling bad about themselves and feeling unhealed and unsafe. I see a situation where they might’ve been vengeful and tried to get back at you for something or could’ve done something bad or deceptive and you called it quits and this person didn’t really expect you to leave for real or leave things so quickly and wash your hands of the situation. I'm SICK!! LOL, this person is sick, you're sick or you were. Sick of this. Sick of the way they feel.
This persons message about their last dream about you:
“I dreamt that I was working and trying to balance out my life and take things and myself seriously. I dreamt that I was a better man (woman). I want to be a better man (woman). I want to feel secure in whole within myself. I dreamt that Id achieved all the things that id been manifesting, everything physical and tangible but still I didn't feel fulfilled and I remembered all the things you'd told me about how the things we want aren't really about the things we want and the feelings that we’d feel if we had them. I'd dreamt that even in all my accolades love was missing and safety was missing and you represent that for me even though you hurt me and I caused you pain too. And in my waking life, I sometimes think about you and I sometimes miss you even still, even after everything but I know you're done with me and it’s best I just stay away. I've been sending you messages, or trying to manifest you so that you could remember our relationship and the good things we had and maybe forgive me and miss me too but I feel your resistance. I feel that you know my presence in your mind is not your own doing.
I dreamt that my manifestations were successful and that you came to me and told me that you missed me and wanted to talk to me again even after all this time apart. In my dream, you told me that you felt the same way like all the work you've done so far had been for nothing if we didn't have each other, and that you wanted to grow with me and work on what happened between us and that we would be together this time and be happy with each other. In my dream, you felt in your heart that we were meant to be and so you were motivated to come forward. To come to me. There was so much possibility for improvement. I was so glad. And we talked about our memories together and our experiences together and they weren’t all for nothing. They meant something to you. They meant something to us.
In my dream, any competition that existed, anyone who you were with you decided you didn’t want to be with anymore and you wanted to be with me and we were going to build together and be successful together. And I told you how I understood everything you said to me before and how much I had learned from you and how much you meant to me all this time and I told you how sorry I was and how hard for me it was to try and replace you and be happy without you. We were gonna be together. Everything was going to be okay. You had forgiven me. We’d forgiven each other.”
I hear this person having a lot of wishful thinking, they have this fantasy in their minds of what things could be like if they wanted to settle down and be in love and I think that you played a huge role in being a primary example of what that was to them but I think they let you and your relationship slip through their fingers perhaps. They may not have been the best to you, may have closed themselves off or cheated on you or broke your trust due to you accidentally causing them pain or giving them a hard time in the past. And I think this person is still very much attatched to you and the idea of you and in their own minds they love you. And I say in their own minds because I don't believe you believe this pile three after their behavior.
What's really interesting is the significance of pride and prejudice coming up. You could’ve watched this movie with this person or tried to share this film with this person during a rough time in your relationship and the way they reacted to you or the film may be significant but I also think that the characters are significant. Mr. Darcy has a horrible way of showing that he loves someone and communicating and he does things that can be really hurtful and do hurt Elizabeth and she’s like absolutely completely expressive that she does not want to be with this man under any circumstances (even though she does) and his half-assed attempt to come towards her and express himself (even though it was really good for his character because you know..) turns out being successful and Elizabeth ends up giving him a second chance and marrying him just as he had asked her to because she loves him but like you’re not Elizabeth and you’re not going to settle for the bare minimum and be like WELL, he said he was sorry!! BOO! YOU WHORE! 🍅🍅🍅! I love pride and prejudice I really do but at the same time. Elizabeth deserved more. Anyways anyways I’m getting carried away.
***
Hope these were enlightening and you enjoyed these. Def gonna need a nap to recover from these. I love you so much and I appreciate all the support I've gotten with the readings and me sharing my gifts with you. I racked up a decent following on here off of opinions and aesthetics but I hadn't realized how much of myself I’d been hiding away. I'm excited for what more I can share. Anyways, if you ever want a personal reading from me you could go to my Instagram either @cooki3face or @cookiefacetarot on Instagram and click the link in my bio <3 bye, my hands have permanent dents in them now from typing for so long!
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