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#but it was about my fics and Void and well
anadiasmount · 1 day
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we’re pretending? - jude bellingham x reader.
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quick sum: no date to an upcoming wedding, you use your best friend as last resort. what happens when your best friend isn’t playing pretend anymore and you’re left conflicted with these unusual feelings…
wc: 4.6 k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist
psa 🗣️: i used my og ‘glory box’ fic to get some inspo while writing this fic ngl!! 😣 this was so fun to write not only by the trope but the DRAMAAAA!! like always, hope you enjoy! 🤍
“yes mom, i know. i picked my dress up yesterday, and my flight is booked as well,” you sighed and rolled your eyes knowing she wouldn’t be able to see you through the phone. she knew how important this wedding was but she kept putting the pressure on you. it was the last thing you needed especially after you told her you’d bring someone along.
that someone was now you’re ex-boyfriend. you had less than 48 hours to come up with an excuse or show up alone.
"are you still bringing your plus one?" she asked, the line going silent for a few seconds before she spoke up again. "y/n? are you there?" you should've just lied or said the truth, all you could think of was how happy and super excited she was when you told her you'd met someone and began dating.
"yes mom... we both will be there," you closed your eyes, disappointment in yourself filling the void in your head. you could hear her squeal in the background, telling a voice there with her about the good news. you chewed on your lip anxiously, wanting to cut the call or else you'd break down.
"listen mom, i have t-to go okay? ill call you tomorrow. try not to stress so much," you smiled weakly hearing an "i love you", ending the call after gifting your goodbye. there was no avoiding the mistake you had committed. you wanted to slap some common sense into yourself, because where the hell were you about to find someone?
you clearly remembered the day telling your mom you'd met someone at uni. she was over the moon and wanted to tell everyone but you dismissed the idea, not wanting to rush since you had recently met. you would call her and tell her about him, and she listened so attentively, just like in the movies.
you couldn't bring yourself to tell her when you and max had broken up. your whole life has always been surrounded by being told you needed to be more like your older sister, the pressure of being a golden child laid on you. for once you had something, but that had to get ruined as well.
the scolding, the perfect grades, friends, hell even family. you had to be so careful and live up to their expectations. you loved them, you did, but at times you just felt like moving away was the best idea. and you did just that, the first to move out to a new country, breaking records at uni, and even finding a suitable job.
your boss loved you, and coworkers admired you for the passion and dedication you carried. so why did it have to go all wrong with max? you had an image of him in your head that he was madly in love with you, though you'd later be proven wrong when you found out he was sleeping with his boss. finding them in the act on your 6th month anniversary.
you still can recall the feeling of being unable to breathe, their screams and his pleading going quiet as you could just stare into the room, not once being able to see his eyes. disgust, and rage, but mostly sadness, a heavy heart, and the lump in your throat. he hurt you terribly and you would forever resent that.
after the call, you sat quietly on the couch, hands in your hair as you thought about everything. looking around seeing your bags packed, the blue dress hanging by your room, pictures everywhere. you hated to admit but you were living in a hell, life messy and a disaster. your buzz ringed, seeing through the tiny camera your best friend jude in the frame.
you allowed him in, walking over to the large mirror and wiping away the dry tears, making yourself look more presentable. you looked worn out, eyes droopy and low, lips slightly chapped, and to make matters worse a zit on your chin. you exhaled a breath, keys jiggling as jude came in.
he set his training bag down, took his shoes off, and walked to you, giving you a small hug. "you look terrible," you gave him a warning look, "but lucky you, i brought us food," he spoke cheerfully, the mood inside you going from gloomy to content. "it's raining like crazy, i almost fell coming up. also i brought some packages and your mail," jude continued.
"thank you, i haven't had the time to go down and pick them up! i've been so busy packing and planning last-minute stuff," you groaned, going to the kitchen and washing your hands. "watch, in the next few minutes i'm going to get a call," you theorized. jude pulled out the food and served it into your plates as you grabbed a water for him and a soda for yourself.
"how was training?"
jude shrugged unimpressed, "same old. didn't really have to go in, but they needed me for a small campaign shoot, so i had no choice. also cama and tchou send their hello's."
you and jude spoke amongst yourself. just about each other's days and catching up from the last time you guys were together. you teased him about losing a bet with his little brother, jude whining about how he cheated. new music that came out, and a pop up store that opened lower in downtown.
"so what's got your head in a twist?" jude sipped on his last few ounces of water, leaning his head on his propped-up arm and hand. you awkwardly scratch the back of your neck, pick up the dirty dishes, and walk to the sink. "okay don't make fun of me-"
"you're basically asking me too... also no promises since you just made fun of me for losing against jobe," jude chuckled.
"jude."
"oh it's serious then... what did you do?" he saw the serious look on your face, a small worry constructing in his chest because he rarely saw you like this. you close your eyes, feeling the anxiety build in you once again, "i told my mom i was still bringing max..."
jude scoffed in denial, or trying to cope with the confusion, "y/n, you what?"
"i know! i know! i should've just confessed and coughed up the truth but i- i couldn't! she was so excited jude! i feel terrible for lying believe me i do, but after telling her about him and filling her with hope to break her heart, i just c-c-couldn't," you ramble, dishes clattering as you freaked out.
in your head it didn't seem as bad, but fully saying it out loud to jude, seemed even worse. jude grimaced, knowing you had messed up bad especially since the wedding was right around the corner. "i'm just embarrassed... i know they will start something and just talk down on me if i showed up alone."
jude knew how heavy-handed your family could be, often wanting to resent them because he cared for you so much. he saw how physically and mentally they could rain you even with the smallest sentence. they seemed so worried with their lives instead of the ones they should most value and care for.
jude gave you a concerned face, "what?" chuckling nervously when you gasped out, almost being able to see the lit-up light bulb on top of your head. "jude, I'm a genius!"
"well i beg to differ-"
"shut up," you pat your finger against your chin, a mischievous smile on your lip taunting jude's concern even more. "i don't know why i didn't think of this sooner! why don't you pretend to be my boyfriend? just for the wedding that's it!"
jude shook his head, hands coming up to back out of the idea. it was one thing you lying, but now asking you to play pretend was something totally different. "that's not a good idea y/n..." jude clenched his teeth forcing a smile. "oh cmon why not?"
"well, first of all, that's an even bigger lie to your mom. second, pretending would seem impossible. third, i don't want the first time meeting your parents to be a lie because of what happened," jude defended and stated his case.
"it's a huge favor but you'd save my life jude! one weekend and that's it! you have plenty of suits, you're also off this weekend, and they would never suspect a thing! please jude! i wouldn't be asking if i wasn't so desperate," you begged, seeing the hesitation in his eyes.
"it seems like a bad idea... you don't know what you're asking for y/n... were pretending to be a couple when were not! we have to make it believable even under the pressure of the wedding. a theatrical play, a stunt!" jude exclaimed standing up from his chair.
"jude please, please, please! it might feel weird but it's for the night only! after that, we go back to the good old y/n and jude," you followed him as he paced in your living room thinking of his answer. would it be back to normal even if he continued to feel the same for you? the unknown loving feeling he had for you?
the pretending would be hard when all he could hardly think of was you. how he felt recently and how nervous he got around you. he would do anything for you in a heartbeat, but this would break jude further than now. he couldn't fake pretend holding your hand, or kissing your cheek when he meant and wanted to do that with you currently.
as bad as the idea was, here he was hugging you as you cheerfully yelped when he agreed. time moved slowly for him, the sensation of regret and curiosity as what was yet to come from both of you. all he cared for was to make sure you were happy, and if faking being your boyfriend would help you, he was willing to do it, no matter the consequences.
as jude was fixing his hair, you finished setting your makeup with some powder and setting spray. nerves bubbling in you after the first test you encountered last night after your arrival. you let out a laugh at the tiny bed you had to share with jude. seeing his uneasy face even after he offered to sleep on the couch.
"we're running on schedule," you spoke, finishing clasping your jewelry around your hands and rings. jude came behind you, his shirt unbuttoned and abs in full view, as he finished zipping his pants. best friend or not, there was no denying how incredibly sexy jude was. the name should speak for itself, but with the looks and personality he had, it was too good to be true.
"need some help?" he asked seeing you nod slowly and looking down at your feet. he took the necklace, your skin on fire as his fingertips grazed your skin accidentally, almost jumping on the spot, goosebumps grazing your body. he clasped the necklace, grabbing the pendent and fixing it so it laid in the middle. "perfect," he cockliy smirked.
"thank you."
"are you almost ready?" he looked at you as he buttoned up his shirt, you almost stuttered but regained consciousness, "yes, just need to put my dress and shoes on," you turned back quickly furrowing your brows, wanting to slap yourself for allowing yourself to get carried away, or maybe at the uneasy desire in you when seeing jude.
you went to the bathroom, grabbing the lacy undergarments and the blue dress. the color was to die for, the perfect length even with your heels on, the opened back with the front just showing the perfect amount of cleavage, and the whole dress just accentuating your body even more.
you felt the need to throw some water in your face though you couldn't or else it would ruin your makeup. you settled with fanning yourself with your hand, the tense in your chest getting to you as it was becoming real now. you were just pretending with jude. nothing more right?
you looked in the huge light-up mirror, and suddenly the confidence you had dripped away as you thought of jude in the next room over. why did all of a sudden everything feel like it wasn't before? as in, things changed drastically since the night at your apartment? you've never felt this clumsy or as edgy around him.
when you woke up this morning, with jude on top of you laying peacefully, you couldn't help but feel overjoyed, as if it was a natural state and you've done it before. in your own world where the only thing that mattered was him and you. since then you were slightly freaked out, butterflies in your chest when he left or walk into the room.
jude double taked a look as you walked into the room again. the tiny room that felt like a joke to him after walking in hand to hand last night. his eyes roamed you, lips slightly separated as he admired your beauty, heart hammering in his chest. he watched as you grabbed your cheeks, immediately offering to help.
he leaned down, gently grabbing your foot and placing the white jeweled heel on you. your hands were clamped around the small bench cushions, jude looking up then and there to make sure they felt comfortable. once again, his touch felt like fire, playing with your head even more.
when he finished clasping the heel, he extended his hand helping you up. "you look absolutely gorgeous y/n... this dress was made for you," jude croaked, hearing you laugh shakily. "thank you jude. likewise," jude smiled at your reaction, "i mean as in you look super handsome with the suit, not a dress!" you explained.
"i think i got what you meant..." he joked, his eyes roaming uo and down again at you. "good. good. shall we head out?" you swallowed heavily, grabbing your purse, phone, and other stuff you needed for the night. you were in a rush, wanting to get some fresh air or you would explode in the room with jude inside. "lead the way y/n."
jude helped you in an out of the cab, his hand on your bare back as he guided you to the double doors leading into the reception. "how are you feeling? any nerves?" you spoke quietly to him, looking around as people were taking their seats or had their own conversations.
"some but not too many. like you said, it's just for today," he whispered along your ear, gently giving your shoulder a kiss as his hands went to your hips and walked you forward. your mom and aunt gasped, grabbing their dresses and walking towards you, almost sprinting. "here goes nothing," you say.
"oh my god! so you are real!" your mom yelped, making you give her a glare and eyes pleading not to make a scene. "i was starting to think my sweet y/n was lying to me about this boyfriend she had," you almost choked on your saliva, clearing your throat at her words. "i am y/n's mom, what is your name?"
"i'm jude. it's a pleasure to finally meet you ma'am," jude shook her hand and leaned down to kiss her cheeks in a greeting manner, the same with your aunt. jude's hand interlocked with yours, the happiness in your mother's eyes never leaving, almost tearing up at the sight of you with your "boyfriend."
"i can't believe it! it's a miracle, my daughter finally has her first boyfriend," she clapped her hands making you wretched at her choice of wording. you did everything to have her at least praise you once in life, and all it took was to have a boyfriend? you brushed away the glum feeling, jude kissing your hand, distracting you from the small burn in your eyes.
"oh my! look at them! they make such a beautiful pair," your aunt gleamed. "we do, don't we?" jude teased them, "took her a while to say yes to me, but i'm very fortunate to be here," jude resumed. "we're very pleased to have you here, anything you need don't hesitate to ask."
after saying hello to other family friends and cousins, you sat for the ceremony. jude wiped a small tear away after your old school friend finished her vows, slapping his shoulder when he made a small joke about your mascara running. "its not funny! the vows were so beautiful," you said.
"it's like we are watching me before you again," he said making you gasp. "jude what are talking about? you literally cried with me?" you recalled laughing, jude looking around scared if someone was hearing you. "please don't remind me... in my defense, i didn't see that ending at all."
after the ceremony, you and jude greeted other families, and most importantly congratulated the bride and groom. their faces ushered with happiness, overall content with how their day was turning out. you had to excuse yourself from jude at one point, your mom dragging you away for your help. jude was left behind with your dad.
"since she was little, she always hated getting thrown or dragged around," your father spoke, taking a sip of his whiskey. "seems like nothing had changed?" jude asked carefully with a playful smile. "oh not even close! it's my wife doing," he winked.
"jude right?"
"yes sir," jude nodded, presenting the dad talk coming up. "I'm gonna save the unnecessary talk and get straight to the point. it's so weird to see my baby girl all grown up, with the lusting and loving eyes she gives you. you love her very much and i can see that which is why i'm not worried about you hurting or losing her trust."
hell if jude didn't feel guilty before, he did now. he gripped the glass harder, nodding to your dad who looked upset. "she may have told you some stuff about us, but at the end of the day, she's my daughter and i love her the way she is... please just take good care of her for me... she been through enough as it is..."
"i only have good intentions and i promise you i won't ever break her heart," jude promised to your dad, but also himself. he would never be able to forgive himself if he ever did break your heart or make you lose the trust you had. max did it once and jude would never do it. even if it meant keeping away these long feelings for you.
when you returned you saw them laughing and chatting away, your heart full of emotions at them getting along. jude was so mature for his age, and it didn't come to a surprise when he got along with your dad so fast. his hand would naturally lay on your back or on your hip.
the next few hours were filled with more people dancing or chatting away. jude insisting you sat on his lap for a picture when the photographer passed, smiling wide, looking like a happy couple. it seemed so natural to you, being this close and intimate you were getting scared at how fast everything was being thrown at you.
"i had to see it for myself! y/n bagging a footballer? never saw that coming," your cousin approached you giving you a high as he dabbed up jude. "jude meet my cousin adrian, he's a huge fan of you, and just successfully signed with a small club," you introduced them to each other, with a huge grin on your face.
jude’s hand snuck around your waist, his thumb drawing shapes as his full attention was with your cousin who spoke about sports. you listened then and there, but your feet began to ache, switching your weight back and forth uncomfortably.
jude was quick to notice, leaving down to your level and asking if you were okay. “i’m fine i promise, these shoes are killing me that’s all,” you reassured with a smile, jude nodding before cutting the conversation after a few minutes. “i’m going to get her a chair and drinks for us,” you froze when he kissed your temple, “i’ll see you around later,” jude said his goodbyes dragging you along slowly.
like before, your chest beat faster, if he stared, smiled, even touched or got near you, you’d get nervous immediately. the familiar string of falling for someone filling the empty space left behind inside you. he was super good at pretending and it didn’t feel like that anymore.
it felt real. was he just pretending? or was he actually taking this fake relationship seriously and real?
all you could do was stare at his face, mostly his gorgeous brown eyes as he helped you get seated and served you some water, making sure you were fully okay. he sat next to you, his hand interlocking with his, and placing it on his lap as he paid attention to his surroundings. you become quiet, so into your head and questioning his every move now.
“jude?” you spoke softly, a confused smile on your face as he immediately turned to you with a soften gaze. you inhaled a breath, unable to look away from him, his ínstese state causing you to feel intimidated. “is everything okay?” he asked, leaning slightly over to you, pushing a small string of hair back. “is it supposed to feel like this?”
“what is?” jude shook his head not understanding.
“us? why am i getting the idea we’re no longer pretending…”
jude tore his gaze from yours, the panic growing more intense when he wouldn't reply back. "jude please... don't push me away. are we just pretending or has something changed?" you persisted, your hand gliding against his back to get his attention. jude debated, afraid of losing you right here and now, or having the possibility to maybe hear you feel the same way.
"come with me," jude demanded, helping your and dragging you to the dance floor where no one could really see you besides the other happy couples. his hands circled your waist, as yours went to his shoulders, unable to look away from him. "tell me i'm not the only one who feels it..."
"tell me what you feel y/n... what your head is begging to scream out..."
"i can't, i don't know jude. i'm afraid yet so confused? since we got here yesterday things feel different between us. it happened again when we had breakfast, when you put my necklace on, my heels! all of this is giving me mixed signals jude... i haven't felt this in so long.." you confess, a shaky breath escaping your lips when he pulls you closer and kisses your head.
"like now. i can't if you just did that out of pretending or because it came naturally to you. i've never had to worry about what you think till recently... it feels strange... yet ican't help but get hope that it means real," you rest your forehead on his shoulder blinking away the tears that slowly begin to let out.
jude could see how this was affecting you, holding your lower body with one hand and the other smoothing down your spine, feeling how you immediately let loose and relaxed by his praise and touch. jude could also feel the heavy weight beginning to feel heavier if he kept his true hidden feelings away. it was a sign, and there was no going back.
jude's hand cradled your chin, forcing you to look up at his, his brown eyes gazing over your teary face. he was truly amazed and so in love with you it made his head feel cloudy, almost dizzy, at how perfect and pure you were. his tummy fluttering at his gorgeous girl who was confused at how she felt... but in this moment jude knew you were in deep as well.
"tell me something, when you see me, does it make your heart race, like i'm the only person standing there?" you nod, "does your head tell you one thing but your gut tells you another when you see me?" you nod again, this time blowing the air out of jude's lungs. "my head tells me i shouldn't, but my gut tells me i waited so long that maybe it's now to late for us..."
"why would it be too late y/n...?" you shrug your shoulders. "because i don't you feel the same way i'm feeling." jude smiled weakly, his thumb brushing along your jaw, hearing your hum in delight, "how can you know when you haven't asked me?"
your eyes search his for any sign but you don't find any, "what are you feel in this moment jude?"
"that i'm the luckiest man to be here with you tonight," he says proudly, "that i don't think we've wasted any time, rather i feel we're barely getting started on this new branch of our lives... i can't pretend when i'm with you... because pretending to hide how i feel has been so hard, when all i want is you. all of you y/n..."
"i had to see you go through that idiot max, how he hurt you? when you were hurt i was even more devastated because i couldn't protect you. i'd do anything to make you happy or laugh because it's what i want to do. i want to be the only one who gets to do that. i promised your dad but myself also, ask me what the promise is..." jude insisted.
"what's your promise jude?"
"that i'd never break your heart or give you a reason to doubt me. that from this day forward, i completely will give you my all to care and relish our love once and for all. i'm tired of waiting and holding back of what should've existed and started when i first met you."
"jude-"
"i want to give you my all, to be devoted and in love with you forever. you have no idea what you make me feel, think! i wake up longing for you, at work, at my own home. you're the only girl i want and need in my life y/n," jude confessed, the weight finally lifted of his shoulders, now being able to feel like a free man.
you closed your eyes, breathing out a happy chuckle in relief. you sniffled, "you've ruined me jude, completely ruined me with your words, your confession! look at me, i'm worse than when we finished watching the vow!" you joked, hand nestling on the nape of his next, stroking his soft skin.
"you love me jude?"
"more than what you think."
"i need you to know i'm giving you my all as well. I've always sensed how different what we had was, and come to find out, i was just scared and felt the need to push away because you didn't feel the same way. what i feel for you never happened with who shall not be named..." jude chuckles, closing his eyes and swallowing a heavy gulp like you.
"i'm so hopelessly in love with you jude bellingham... so in love, i want to grow old with you, make every promise we said out loud come true. i knew i loved you as soon as we laid eyes, and you stumbled over your words," jude squinted his eyes, shaking his head embarrassed. "kiss me jude."
jude kissed you exactly how he dreamed. your lips soft and sweet as he imagined, even better. cradling your chin to tilt and pulling the kiss deeper. it felt so right, so amazing, so passionate. he was lost, his tongue entering your parted lips when you let out a small gasp and whimper. there was no more pretending, this was more real than ever.
"could get lost in how you taste. how you feel. i love you so much angel."
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sugarpasteltmnt · 2 days
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Urgh I only just recently found your fic and I cannot begin to express how obsessed I am with it! It’s so gooooooooddddddddddd!
I am curious tho, unless the answer is a spoiler of some kind, what effects has the Prison Dimension itself had on Leo’s body? In Neon Voids introduction, Raph mentions that he looks to be a similar height to Donnie, but has there been any long-lasting effects? Like malnourishment or growth stunting? I’m just imagining Casey, who’s well aware of how big his Sensei got, looking at Leo who will never get to that point. Another permanent reminder of how he « failed » him.
Anywizzle! Keep up the amazing work, cus I absolutely adore it! Got me doing a bunch of doodles for it, so here: I humbly offer you one!
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AHHHH!!! oh my gosh i LOVE HIM!!! i love how you did his yellow stripes he's so COOL 🩵😭💘💕
and to answer your question-- i honestly think that the biggest effect the prison dimension has had is on Leo's psyche. The mental strain of his dangerous and cruel environment will have the biggest and longest-term effects on him. As far as his body goes, I like to think that prison dimension was 'good' about putting him back together after especially rough bouts with Krang One.
but i love that Casey angst like OOF SO DELICIOUS 🩵😭
the bigger problems will come after leaving the prison dimension. now that he wasn't in a dimension with an automatic reset button for his body and maybe after certain events will happen... Leo will need some bed rest for sure lol 🩵
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jinkiezzsstuff · 1 day
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Is it okay to leave a vox x fem!reader request based on G.U.Y by Lady Gaga? You can do whatever you want ofc but in my head vox hires her as a singer at one of his nightclubs and when he gets a call from Valentino telling him how amazing this new girl he's hired is, he comes down to watch her perform her new song, G.U.Y and becomes infatuated with her? If not dont stress! 🤍
i fuckin loooooove this ideaaaa it’s so cute and i love a good singer fic i really do, and it’s vox eeee i haven’t got to post any of him yet! :D i hope it’s what you imagined i enjoyed writing this a lot i got a little carried away.
the song in question if anybody wants to listen quick
warnings: possibly stalky behaviour from vox, i mean obvi teehee, Female reader, swearing, drinking, possible cringe descriptions of song performances, reader is quite confident, mainly focused on vox and him becoming obsessed rather than the two together, NOT PROOFREAD lmk what i missed!
word count: 2.3k
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Vox rarely paid attention to the people he hired, at times he would do a quick scan of the person and then promptly send it off to whomever could waste their time on silly things such as resumes. So it was quite a surprise to him when Valentino continuously gushed about this singer he supposedly hired. “No~ You don’t understand Voxy, she’s a minx! A siren. You should listen; really she’s hypnotic. Yknow we get a lot of promo from her, and her little songs in the back of my pornos, mm mm.” Valentino purred, flicking his pipe around in his hand. Vox faced away from the moth, bending over his desk he was zeroed in on a spreadsheet for the next broadcast, eliminating any lesser cared about topics in favour of some newer hot topics.
Humming noncommittally, as his gaze flickered over to Valentino. Admittedly he knew that Valentinos genuine praise was rare, and he typically only gave such to his favourites like Angel Dust, or Vox himself. “Well, go on.” Vox urged flatly eyes narrowed, inwardly he scolded himself for loosing his poise, but the red fuck had him more tense then he usually was. “What?~ You don’t know who she is, you hired her.~” Valentino emphasised, saying his words in a sing song voice that made Vox eye glitch. “Val,” The man brightened his screen, his tone warning. In the back of his mind he worried about how it would look if it ever got out that he didn’t keep track of his employees. Surely some scummy sinner would make trouble with that, using their lack of attention to snoop around.
What if you were some spy, Valentino did refer to you as a hypnotic siren. Vox was pulled out of his paranoid sprawl by Valentino huffing loudly and dramatically. “I’m leaving, you’re so cranky boo~, come see her, it’ll be worthwhile.” With that Valentino strut out, his hips swaying as he exited. Vox stayed frozen in his hunched over position, his eyes void as he blankly stared into oblivion lost in thought. Now he needed to see you, there was no doubt about it. Sliding into his leather office chair, Vox leaned back sighing, he called on his assistant not needing to even reach for a phone thanks to his demonic abilities. Oh the luxury. The small shirt demon waddled in a clipboard in hand, after basic pleasantries about the workload in the building, Vox got down to business.
“Singer at my nightclub, when does she perform?” Vox tried to appear nonchalant as if he already knew, but his voice held an eagerness to it that was unmistakable. “Uh YN? Uh sir, she’s on every night? Y-you booked her to be?” The little demon was obviously scared, his speech was anxious and meek, uncertain of his own claims despite them being true. Groaning Vox closed his eyes and took a breath, he didn’t like doing scheduling he left that to some lower hire, obviously they’re dumb. Too much of a good thing makes it bad, if she’s as good as Val said she is, she needed to be yearned for, they’d need other singers to fill in her days off. Vox’s 40 yard stare made the assistant uncomfortable, not wanting to interrupt Vox’s thought process the room fell silent.
After a few sluggish moments, Vox shot up from his seat with a charming smile on his screen. “Alright you’re so right! My mistake, I'm going to go down for her performance tonight, see if this is something we can keep up.” The assistant mumbled words of compliance and flipped through a few pages on his clipboard. “Alright sir, tonight at midnight she’s performing, her voice is quite raw so she’s only doing a few of her songs.” The shark explained fumbling with his pen as he tried to stick it back into the clipboard. “Ah! Good, that’ll be just fine, reserve me a table for twelve thirty, she’ll be on still, right?” The demon nodded, making Vox clap his hands together in finality. “Great! You know what to do,” Vox flicked his wrist at the demon, making him mumble and exit Vox’s office.
~
The night club was booming, as it should, Vox was a businessman it would’ve been wasteful if it wasn’t packed. Vox enjoyed leisure where he could find it in his busy life, so he was more than pleased to be comfortably seated closely to the stage in a private booth, hugged next to a wall. The stage wasn’t grand or massive, but it was classy, surrounding the back of the wall was ads for Vox, Val, and Velvettes companies and products, the same was with the menus on the table. VoxTechs products were littered all around, from the radios to the tvs angled at the bar, which already had preprogrammed ads promoting the VoxTech name. Vox sat eyeing the stage impatiently, scotch sitting on the table in front of him on the table, there was a dance floor like area that stepped down from the platforms where the booths were, and in it sinners partied together, lewdly grinding on each other to the music.
No one dared to bother the TV overlord, however he kept his screen dimmed and slumped in his seat, the lowlight of the club making him feel the weight of reality. Sighing, he gulped down the liquid, it didn’t really burn, but then again he couldn’t really taste. Finally the neon lights in the club dimmed, a voice sounded through the speakers telling patrons to exit the dance floor, and announced your performance. Before he had came, he looked into who you were, he was shocked to find out you were a pretty sought out sinner, it seemed like most of your powers revolved around your voice too. You were sultry, fun, and demanding, in reality from what he could find, you were a colourful array of personalities, there was no one box he could place you in because you’d never quite fit.
Vox presumed you too had some kind of hypnosis, it was pretty obvious to him in the way people described you online, you even topped hellborn Verosika Mayday when it came to sales in music, and the microscopic rivalry bred many fans to speculate. It was pretty impressive for someone who wasn’t an overlord, it made Vox suspicious, with how the radio fuck was up his ass, he had means to believe this vocal gift to the radio in the form of you, was someone not to be trusted. The stage lights came on as did a smooth buzzing sound, as if somebody had dragged their fingers up the strings of an electric guitar. “Greetings, Himeros, God of sexual desire, son of Aphrodite. Lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting positions,” Vox watched intently as you walked onto the stage confidently, the words fell from your mouth smoothly effortlessly, and a quick glance around the room told Vox he wasn’t the only one to think so.
You were gorgeous, the embodiment of beauty; even if it wasn’t to the typical standards. You were shrouded in pretty fabric that clung to your figure and left barely anything to the imagination, and the jewellery you had on from head to toe made you twinkle in the stage light. Vox couldn’t help but gawk, he felt as though he was viewing a work of art, some sort of ancient painting of a goddess come to life. Without control his fans kick started whirring loudly in the back of his monitor, thankfully Vox was rather secluded compared to the rest of the crowd, however it was still frustrating to be so worked up over some sinner. Suddenly the bubblegum pop music kicked in and you were going.
You sung like you were and killed to, and the way you interacted with the audience, facial expressions matching every coy insinuation from the song, your hands moving along your body as you sang on. You about wanting to be top, while being underneath a man, you wanted to be that guy, girl under you, it made him glitch at the thought of you wearing his bow tie and nothing else as he-, lord he had to stop. He could feel himself letting go of control which isn’t an ideal situation for being in a public club he owned. It was hard though, you were whining, begging in song to be fucked, and Vox felt entirely enamoured with the thought, especially the way you sung it.
Eventually as you strutted to the other side of the stage the song starting to wrap up, and finally you had spotted him. Vox immediately met your eyes, and you were very much beaming at the sight of him, the observant could actually hear you faintly gasp into the mic. Mic to your mouth, your eyes drooped looking sleepy and seductive as you looked at him, pouting you made sure all your attention was directed to Vox.
“I don’t need to be on top to know i’m worth it; 'cause I'm strong enough to know the truth, I just want it to be hot. Because I’m the best when I'm in love, and I'm in love with you.” You sung out, clenching your hand over your heart dramatically, a cheeky grin on your face. You were more focused on Vox at this point rather than the performance, after all he was the reason you accepted the job, and you’ve been working two months and have only just seen him. “G.U.Y- touch me, touch me- mount your goddess; touch me, touch me- a skimmer moon comes into full phase. Get on top of me, touch me, touch me; don’t be shy,” You swung your hips as you stepped off the stairs of the stage, intently focused on the glitching TV. Most patrons seemed too absorbed into their own fun to really pay attention to what you were doing, but there was an occasional person zeroing in on what you were up to.
Sitting yourself on the edge of the table your finger came up under his flat screen forcing him to peer up at your angelic form. “I’m in charge like a G.U.Y, I’ll lay down face up this time, under you like a G.U.Y; I wanna be that guy. I'll wreck you right up, guy, I'll lie down face up, guy, he girl under you, guy.” With that Vox immediately blue screened, smoke coming out from the back of his head.
~
Vox opened his eyes and was immediately greeted by the comfort of his personal lounge, in the tower. Sitting up he groaned at the immediate pain he felt in his body. “Finally, you’re up.” Valentino purred from his spot on the couch. He had been creepily sitting there waiting for Vox to wake, sucking in his smoke to pass the time. “What the hell happened?” Vox asked, standing from the couch, he slugged himself over to the mini fridge and grabbed a sparkling water, it was his favourite for tasting like static. “Oh you know, you just malfunctioned in the middle of the club~” Valentinos teasing tone told Vox that he wasn’t going to live this down anytime soon. “Oh great, that's just what I love to hear! Vox the powerful overlord- crashed by some singer cocktease. Great.” Vox spat pacing the room, his head buzzing painfully with every turn of his head.
His mind cycled through varying different scenarios and possible headlines that could come out of this- it was ridiculous, made him look like some horny teenage boy. Without another word to Valentino, Vox marched off to his TV room where he could monitor various sinners and places in hell, intending to do intense background checking on you. After all you had to be using some sort of hypnosis, there wasn’t any other way for Vox to overheat by a simple woman. Sitting in his chair he plugged himself in and sat back taping his claws against the arm rest as he waited for things to start up. His movements were rushed, impatient to find all he could about you, sitting back he walked old footage of you walking around, talking with friends, singing in the nightclub, performances you’ve done in other places.
He went through your photos; your entire sinstagram was such a treat to him, he saved your pictures in his files to use for later when he was alone in his room. Vox hadn’t realised how many hours he had been sat in his seat absorbing all the content he could of you, he even found himself reading what others had to say about you, mentally making notes for people to be weary of when it came to becoming a little too close to you. As far as he could tell you were in no connection with other overlords, and if you had made a deal it was kept under tight wraps, not something that you nor the overlord flaunted around.
The TV overlord suddenly jolted forward at the sound of the door opening, quickly he shut the screens off, leaving an ambient blue light keeping the room from going fully dark. Velvette was the one who entered, immediately bitching and complaining about the lack of light, and the “static slacker” that he was being. “What do you need Velvette?” Vox groaned, mind fried from being all consumed with you. “I need you to do your fuckin’ job, yeah? C’mon flat face it’s been six hours. Broadcast time.” She flung her phone flash all around making Vox wince from the obnoxious flashing. “Alright, alright, I was working on very important matters. Go bug Val,” Velvette scoffed as she walked to the door. “Stalking your little hummingbird ain’t it, get on with it.” She snapped looking behind her shoulder to shoot him a glare before promptly leaving the room with a slam of the door.
With a growl, Vox turned himself back to his monitors and began to prep for tonight’s broadcast. Maybe he’d leave a little message in it just for you.
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tired-pigeon789 · 1 day
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A Deeper Understanding
(Astarion X Anemic GNreader)
Notes: this whole fic is based on MY OWN experience with anemia which happened with extreme blood loss and just general low iron. and is VERY self indulgent. I also don't think about Astarion romantically but if you read this fic that way go ahead. I don't blame ya lol. Tav is also gender neutral and not named, there no description of what Tav looks like aside from them at least having shoulder length hair. (I also didn't really re-read this lol so sorry for any mistakes)
word count: 1983
general warnings: lots of mentions of blood and blood loss.
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It was rough, the last encounter took a lot out of all of us and I’m feeling weak even after Shadowheart’s healing and the health potion. Even worse was the blood loss. Dreadful goblin gave me a deep slash and even though it’s patched I’m dizzy and lightheaded. A feeling I’ve grown used to but this is a new extreme. Personally I don’t feel the need to disclose my low iron. Just how often does one need to bring up such a thing? Well, one needs to bring it up when they are being healed I suppose. “If you knew you had this condition, why throw yourself at the main line of fire?” Shadowheart asks while taking my pulse. “I overestimated my abilities, yes, but at least they got me and not Astarion, he gave the final blow to the mage goblin.” I point out while I drink a hot tea while lean against one of support poles in shadowheart’s tent. She simply sighs as I feel her opinion change of me. “You’d be as good as dead if you don’t watch yourself. We already have enough going on.” I simply say ‘I know’ as I thank shadowheart for her help and rest up a bit before I go off and help the others set up camp for the night. We had found a cast iron pot and pan to cook with so at least I’ll be getting what I’m lacking from that. The stew Gale had made for everyone was wonderful and tasteful, and even though I had little to no appetite it helped and I started to feel more alert but sleep is still needed. 
It was dark and late, the moon shines overhead and keeps my eyes closed. I feel weak after everything I’ve been through today but I’m just happy to have a bedroll to lay in. I just can’t sleep. In, out, in, out melt away stress. Breathe in, breathe out. I think this to myself as I try to sleep. I feel as relaxed as I can be but I just can’t slip away into the blissful void of sleep. First the blood loss and now the loss of sleep. There’s simply no winning today it seems. Sighing I open my eyes and gasp as I see Astarion hover over me, Fangs bare, a vampire. Quickly I prop myself up and try to steady myself despite the lightheadness and the massive headache. 
“Shit.” He says as he backs away while I prop myself up on my elbows while I glare at the man “No No- It’s not what it looks like I swear.” “What the hell Astarion!” Glaring at the pale elf I see him look down at me. “I wasn’t going to hurt you I swear, I just needed some blood.” Getting at better at him I see now for what he is. “A vampire, honestly I'm kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.” I say as I try to keep my distance from him. “I’m not some monster,” he says in a desperate voice as he try to find the words to defend himself. “I only drink from animals, Boars, dear... Kobolds, whatever I can get, it’s just, after everything I’m too slow to go out and hunt.” “And you thought the best way to deal with that was to get a drink from me?” Astarion looks taken a back but sighs. “I just need a little blood, so that I may think clearer, and fight better. Just a taste, please.” The way he said please made me hold my breath for a moment. Probably because I know that feeling well. That lightheadedness, the faint lights that plagued my eyes when I walk the need to hold on to anything. It’s helpless feeling, one that I didn’t expect to share with a vampire. 
“So if you drink my blood, you’ll be stronger?” I ask as I try to calm down and think more pragmatically about this offer. “It would benefit us all, but if not I could just hunt a bear or boar out in the woods.” Astaron says plainly. If I do this he’ll be better in combat, but I’m already weak as it is if I don’t sleep or eat something bloody myself. I know what he says is true, it’s basic logic when it comes to vampires. And deep down inside me I feel that understanding, maybe it’s one sided trust but I know if I had a way to rid of this feeling this hunger myself I would. At the end of it I sigh and nod. “Ok, I’ll let you do this, but you have to promise to stop when you have your fill and, you have to keep an eye on me.” Astaron smirks as he kneels in front of me with a look in his eye saying ‘I can’t believe I’m getting away with this.’ And frankly I can’t believe it either. "I promise you have my word. You can trust me” He says. 
Laying back down Astarion hovers over me as he pushes my hair to the side, pulls down the collar of my shirt in a less obvious place to hide whatever mark would come of this, and takes a bite at my shoulder. Hissing in pain I take a deep breath and my hand holds onto his bicep as he drinks from me. The pain melts after a minute but the lightheadedness that I’m used to now feels even more nauseating and I start to push on Astarions shoulder to get him to stop. He stops thankfully but his face doesn’t leave the crook of my neck just yet. I’m shaking and running colder than usual, my breath is faint and I lay my head firmly on the thin pillow underneath. “Your blood, it’s faint. Are you anemic?” I nod as I try to control my breathing. “I know it isn’t a lot, but I don’t think anyone else in our party would’ve let you drink from them.” I say softly as I close my eyes as tiredness finally creeps up on me. “And I’d rather it had been me you drank from than some poor stranger.” “You’re going to be in a long sleep after this, you have nothing to gain from what you just did.” He says as he finally pulls away and looks down on me. “I couldn’t sleep anyway. And you got stronger right? At least a little bit? Surely it’s enough to cover for me tomorrow.” I jest a bit as I continue to shake a bit and cover myself with a blanket. 
“I won’t drink from you again, your blood is very watery.” “Thank you?” I say weakly as I hear Astarion sit himself down next to me. “It’s not a compliment. You need to do something about that.” “Believe me I know. However last I checked I’m not in my cozy apartment in Baldur's Gate, where all my medicine is. I hate feeling like this.” opening my eyes I look over at Astarion as he just simply looks into the fire in front of us keeping us warm. “Be honest, with me” Astarion starts while he keeps his gaze on the fire, “If you knew you had this condition, why did you let me drink from you?” I think again for a moment before I speak.  “Because I know what it feels to be weak from blood, It’s a weird craving and I know it horrible, maybe not in the same way as you but I can make a good guess. I’ll be fine, I’ve like this before.” I can’t move much, my whole body aches and my breathe is shallow as I feel the need to stay awake, it’s not really a fear of death from the Astarion bite but just unease and general paranoia. “Did my blood even do anything for you?” I ask. “Some what, I just didn’t expect the weak taste.” I just let out a small chuckle. “Talking about my blood like one would talk about wine, funny.” “how long had you know about your condtion?” my breath evens out but I still shiver under the blanket as I think about the question. “About a few years now, I figured it wasn’t normal to feel faint everyday.” Astarion hums in understanding as he sits next to me. “I’m surprised you’re still next to me if I can be frank.” I say softly as I look up at Astarion. “Can’t let the others think I killed you in your sleep now can I.” he pauses for a moment before he continues, “I also feel like we’re kindred spirits now in way” “you’re very funny.”
After a moment of silence between us, Astarion speaks up “you ought to sleep, there will be plenty to do when day comes.” I just hum softly while I cover my eyes with my arm “I doubt I’ll be of much use. You guys are going to need to do whatever is needed in my place.” “how long do think you’ll be out?” He asks with some surface level concern. I know he only cares enough about me to make sure I get the tadpoles removed, to how I just became the leader of this strange group I do not know but can understand why Astarion would ask that. I would too if I was him. Sluggishly I pull my arm away from eyes and see Astarion look down at me with slight concern but the arch and furrow brow of his gives away that he really doesn’t want to be next to me. Maybe it’s out of pity or guilt, or perhaps he just want’s to go hunt to get his fill. “I don’t know, but I know I can’t do much of anything tomorrow, I’ll be fine in case you were worried.” I say softly as the sweet void of sleep came creeping up on me, however I felt just as scared as I did when I first woke up in the Nautiloid. I know I won’t die in my sleep. I know I won’t. But the paranoia doesn’t leave me. I need to stay awake. 
Struggling to keep my eyes open Astarion brings his hand over my eyes to close them “Sleep. like I said, I don’t want the rest of the camp thinking I killed you.” “How kind, but you would have though, Had I not woken up.” I say absent mildly. Astarion doesn’t say anything for a minute, not a ‘I would never!’ or a ‘yes I would.’ which in a way is enough of answer to me. I didn’t like that I was right. I feel the fire dies down a bit and I hear him shift the logs and the warmth comes back. “You’re not dead though, so lets not dwell on that.” he says. Almost like a child saying ‘you should be happy that worse case scenario didn’t just happen so you can’t be mad’ the idea almost makes me laugh. “You can still drink from me, only when I’m well of course and you can’t find anything else. I want you at your best.” “Even with your condition and finding out my secret you’d still let me drink from you? You must really not care about your life.” Sleep feels closer as I drift off while trying to the words to say something in response. “I’ll take my chances, I’d rather die bloodless than become a squid. But I’ve also grown to trust you a bit, Despite everything.” “Questionable logic at best my dear.” he chuckles which in turn makes me smile a bit. “Well I’m not in the best state of mind. But I don’t think it will change.” I sigh. “Sleep, I won’t leave-” before Astarion could finish his sentence my mind fades and I do in fact, finally sleep. 
@half-poison-and-half-hope Just for you
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oneluckydragon · 2 months
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Started writing a fic back in early October and had to abandon it for a while due to IRL situations. But I've started working on it again little by little, and I am so excited to eventually share it with my mutuals and followers. I hope you guys enjoy it (I am trying my best to get it done)!
TBH my only motivation anymore is thinking about my friends having a good time reading it when it's finally posted (I love all of you very much). I cannot wait for all of these ideas to be fleshed-out on paper at last.
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Over 16,000 words and I am nowhere near satisfied yet. I feel like I can write WAY more. Stay tuned!
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lapinneok · 7 months
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tgothpp fanart
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finniestoncrane · 6 days
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i think tomorrow perhaps i am going to sit in the cupboard or ask my husband to make me a den or something i need to be enclosed and safe i need to be shrouded and TIGHT
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windwardstar · 3 months
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Fandom really really really needs to get with the program that trans mascs exist as like both a concept in the first place and the as like real people who actually exist
How the fuck. Do people. Think. Trans men don't count as mpreg?!? It's the one scenario that is actually not only possible in real life but happens regularly!
And. If. Your first??? Explanation for why a guy could have a vagina is that it's omegaverse? Or magic? Or that in an au of Mulan where a girl dresses up as a guy... but the canon character is a guy... you jump to omegaverse rather than Trans guy. That is literally the easiest explanation here.
Like. Please. I.m begging you. Realize trans mascs exist.
Also while I'm at it. Where are the trans people in omegaverse stories????? Like this is supposedly a genre for deconstructing gender and playing with it but it really just seems like a way to dive headfirst into biologic essentialism and completely ignore that trans people exist? (Because trans tags and omegaverse tags seem to have like no overlap.) (Although the intersex tag sees plenty of use with omegaverse but I'm guessing that is a fetishistic hot mess given the other rampant problems I've noticed and general awareness that intersex topics aren't handled well by society in general)
Like. Idk. I just. The fact trans men and mascs are just like apparently lower on the thoughts that occur to writers for why a "girl" would be dressed as a guy, why a guy could be pregnant or have a vagina than magic or gender essentialism: the au. Is just.
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beedreamscape · 2 months
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Scenes of Iomene and Oscar in the time after.
I have no excuses for why I wrote this except [screams]. PURE SELF-INDULGENT HEADCANON. It takes place over a long, undefined length of time.
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Iomene wraps her arms around Oscar's shoulders by the back and at her firm embrace, he leans into her.
His shoulders are broad so she's not able to envelop him completely. They stand at roughly the same height -either by design or some trick of the eye, he's got the impression she ought to be taller- and she's strong enough that he leans without worry of pushing her back.
She rests her chin on his shoulder and looks at the subject of his attention, the storm going outside the tall windows. Behind the curtain of rain, the thinner trees bend under the force of the wind, branches lashing against themselves and on the studier trunks, leaves sway like clothes on a line.
Their eyes cross on the faint reflection on the glass. In contrast to all that is fair in him, his eyes are like two dark marbles, a brown so deep and dark it's almost black; hers resemble her skin, an inhuman ambar like brandy on fire. Whenever she holds his stare to hers, he has the unsettling thought that she can or might be reading his thoughts.
Taking a break? He asks.
Thought I come see you.
He breathes out a laugh. You didn't have to.
The first time it happened he asked if it was her doing, the rain. It wasn't without reason, she had told him this place wasn't entirely real, the mansion -or palace if you lived in the places Oscar had- was almost a personal limbo, between veils, not outside of the Fairelands but not in it either.
Close enough it influences what happens here, she had told him.
If it rains there, it rains here?
She had shaken her head. No, fluctuations in Bleed cause this. I lived in flood and pain when war was at its highest, then in waist-deep snow as it died down.
He had also told her it reminded him of the accident and she held him steadily for what must've been hours if those had any meaning there.
Her breath has a complex rich scent, never bad but never something recognizable; a new, intriguing smell.
I don't have to do anything.
I know. He rubs the back of her hand in a resemblance of reassurance. I'm alright, I promise.
I miss having someone to care for.
He takes her upper arm, his large hand almost wrapping around it, and brings her to his side so he can look at her --- she's beautiful in a way he's not used to, though he's not quite sure what was he ever used to anymore. Her skin is bronze like copper and her hair darker than any black his eyes could register, she only looked human when she stood very close.
You already care for the whole of the Fairelands. Besides, I'm literally the last person that needs caring for.
It's different. And yes, you do. Dying is not the worst thing that can happen to a person and we both know it.
He smiles, not with teeth but broadly. Darling, I'm painfully familiar with oblivion. Though I've only skirted the edges of madness.
I've dabbled in madness a fair share over millennia.
He points lazily towards the window.
Could we walk out on it? Not in permission but in safety. Every now and then I heard of toxic rain back in Newfair, especially right after the war.
It's bleed-induced, but I don't believe it's toxic. I think we could.
And without another word, she takes his hand and leads him out.
He had asked her how far the land around them stretched on the first night he had woken up in the house --- she had kept him sleeping for about a week or maybe a month, a while to dream of death, a while to adapt her world for his presence, to be shared after hundreds of years of solitude.
For as far my legs will carry me, she told him.
Are there other buildings? Other houses?
I never felt the need for them.
You build them?
With enough will and vision, I could.
So you built this? She nods. A bit big for just one person.
One needs a variety of spaces even when living alone. I thought of rebuilding the whole of Oldfaire in the beginning, I went halfway through with it, but seeing my city with none of its people really hurt me. I did replicate the shore of Seasway, not the whole ocean, but enough that it might trick the eye into thinking it's endless.
Wow... I might need a map one day.
Yes, yes, I never thought to do so, it can be a fun project if you'd willing to tackle it. But that's for later. I reshaped some quarters and cleared space so you may shape them to your liking.
I wouldn't know where to start.
I would suggest you start with your bedroom and then the library, browse through my catalogue and pick out the ones you need to assemble your own.
Why can't I use yours?
She smiles that mischievous smile of someone who knows more, who'll always know more. You'll understand when you walk in there.
He went days without moving much further than the clearing surrounding the house, went on not exploring the library and its secrets, went on trying to ignore the grief over Cosmo, and on one of those days, returned with bloodied and torn fists.
I thought I'd hurt less in here, he told her. She gestures to the water-filled bowl in front of him and he dips his hands in, and sighs at the soothing cool of it.
That'd be easier if it was like that. I'm constantly in pain, I just learned to live with it.
I assume because of the Bleed.
Yes. They both go silent and watch the blood colouring the water red. She waits for him with a towel after five minutes. I'll put ointments and bandage it, but it'll heal regardless. It'll heal as if you had never broken your skin.
Can I even die here?
You'll have to try really hard for it and even then you'd return. The magick here... This place is electrified with both life and Bleed, its own reality and limbo combined.
Oscar went around three days without seeing Iomene before daring to enter her private quarters and look for her.
She lied pale yellow on the floor of her study, cold at the extremities, not breathing. For a second he wondered if she had succeded, but just for a second --- if she had died three days ago, her body would've begun to rot and he knew they don't have that luxury.
The bleed permeated the very air he breathed but at that moment, it flooded out of her like a broken fire hydrant, it made his skin break in goosebumps upon touch and something within him to stir.
He took her in his arms and layed her inside the gold bathtub of her bathroom, clothes and all, and ran a hot bath.
Then he sat on the floor and waited for her to return.
After a quiet period of days of studying, on her part, and reading, on his --- inside the library, he understood, rows of books that the biggest library in Newfaire would never be able to comport, knowledge so old it no longer had surviving records in the world of the living, no place traversable in search of a casual read at least not in short notice ---, she invites him for a walk.
The weather was nice, not too hot like in days of excessive magick nor cold like in days of Bleed, and Iomene wore clothes shorter than any he'd ever seen her in, considering he'd only ever seen her in long pants and gowns.
She walked with a purpose for about five minutes before reaching another clearing, not a random grass field, but a perfect cone with grass cut to perfection and familiar lines.
She walked forward towards the perfectly cut circle at the head of the field while he stood stunned.
I know this means very little without peers to play with but I thought we could think of something for two or at the very least it could bring forth fond memories.
He held back tears. Yeah, we can think of something. But we'll need-
The bats and balls are right over there, she says pointing to one of the trees where beneath is an open crate with the equipment. Needless to say, I'll need some training, I'm afraid just watching didn't make me a partner up to par.
He laughed out loud, the first time she heard it. Well, if it'll be just the two of us... He studied the contents of the crate and he picked up a ball. First of all, I think I'll need you to perfect your throws.
And shooted the baseball her way.
The rain feels both exactly like it always did, but also more real, much colder even through his dress shirt, especially through it, the intensity of the rain soaking the fabric until the clothes cling to his skin.
Yet he stands under it, proper vision of his surroundings impeded by the water except that of her, standing near, long dark hair dripping and a face that could only belong to an empress.
I haven't stood in the rain in decades, I think, she shouts. There's something jovial to her in this very moment, to her smile and the way she faces the rain as it pours over her face.
With her, there is always a dichotomy --- real or fantastic, a mother or a partner, a goddess or a woman.
He ignores every restraint and every assumption, and gives in to the feelings he's still allowed in this moment: the cold making his skin prickle, the fear brought by the intense sound of the storm hitting the trees and the house's roof, but especially the searing hot draw towards the woman who doesn't flinch as she looks at the abomination of his existence --- his only equal.
Oscar closes the distance, holds her face with the scraps of gentleness he still recalls and kisses her with the ferocity of a creature fearless of death. Iomene responds with the hunger of a prisoner fed comfort and warmth, holding onto him with nails dug deep as a captive holds onto freedom.
He pulls away with blood seeping through the cracks of his lips, blinking through wet lashes.
You taste like mints, he shouts through the rain.
She's serious when she responds, I considered your preferences.
This takes him by surprise. You knew I'd kiss you?
She smiles with her eyes.
No. But I've been hoping one day you would.
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wurzelbertzwerg · 10 months
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That moment when you are writing a fic and you really aren’t sure if you are just stuck, if the whole idea sucks and should be discarded right this instant or... If it’s simply too damn warm to think straight.
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phereshift · 1 year
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Lonely Avatar Tianlang-jun, absolutely inspired by @rippedorigami's tma x svsss fic 'prosopagnosia, alexithymia, arachnophobia' !!
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bejeweledmp3 · 18 days
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computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;#ok so. story time sure why not#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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desperatepleasures · 5 months
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guhhhh i am struggling so much with ch3
#i'd say i hate it but i also love it like#it's fun to torment conrart while simultaneously letting conrart sit on adalbert's face#and if i keep writing he'll get to like. be a little mean to adalbert lol. in a way that is potentially gonna be ambiguous as to#whether he's just domming without proper negotiation or just being shitty lmao. well we'll see how it ends up coming out#like ch3 and parts of ch4 are the chapters where it gets kinda Unhealthy between them and that's a lot of fun for me#but also it's so humiliating to write LMAO#also agonizing having to like. do exposition. i hate writing exposition#if it were up to me everything would be like. one vivid scene with some dialogue and that would tell you everything. but noooo i had to#go and write a multichap with like. a tiny bit of plot to glue the smut scenes together/give them context#which means i actually need to write that glue#...and i already skipped ahead the other day and wrote the face sitting scene LMAO so i really gotta do the difficult parts now#ofc when i finish ch3 i get to face the void that is ch4...#like i know in summary what happens in ch4 but i don't know the details about the like really vital scene#BUT!!! in ch5 i get to start writing the conzak bits which are possibly my favorite part :) (aside from ch2 which i like a lot)#...i can't believe it takes four fucking chapters just to get connie out of adalbert's house LMAO. im so sorry my boy#you are gonna have some fantastic orgasms and learn some new things about yourself. but at what cost#fic tag
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ljf613 · 1 year
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I've spent almost two months trying to get the first chapter of this HTTYD fic written. Some of these characters and scenes just do not want to cooperate. In the meantime, here's a scene that did come pretty easily.
"Are you sure about this, Gobber?" Stoick asked, for what had to be at least the fifteenth time.
"Yes, Stoick," said the blacksmith, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice. "They'll all be fine."
"But did it have to be him? Is he really prepared to handle this? Does he have any idea what he's doing?" Stoick waved his hands, clearly agitated. "No offense, but has he ever even killed a dragon before?"
Gobber considered this, and realized he didn't actually know. Best not to mention that part.
"Of course he has!" Gobber replied. "But that's not important. The important thing is to make sure that the kids learn how to survive, and to do that, they need to know their enemy. And no one knows more about the beasts than he does-- he's practically a modern-day Bork!"
Even Stoick couldn't deny that.
"And why can't you do it? You know, the way you have for years and years." He didn't appear willing to give up on this point, so Gobber just sighed and admitted the truth.
"I'm not getting any younger, Stoick," he explained. "And between my regular duties and training the new apprentice, I just don't have the time or energy to also handle dragon training. I'd think if anyone would understand that, it would be you."
"Aye," said Stoick. "I do understand. I suppose I'm just worried about... you know."
Gobber did know. That was the problem. 
"Mhm," he grumbled noncommittally.
"Speaking of your new apprentice, how is he doing?" Stoick seemed to have decided changing the subject was the best course of action here, and Gobber would not complain.
"Oh, a right terror he is," said Gobber, sighing. "Always touching everything and knocking things over and getting into trouble. Not so different from the last one."
"The last one, eh?" Stoick smiled.
"And just as clever, too," laughed the blacksmith. "I have high hopes for the boy. I have a feeling that when I finally do get around to retiring, the forge will be in good hands."
- Excerpt from “A Better Version of Our Best”
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iamneverafish · 3 months
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ok so i just finished trimax volume 7 and I'm going a little insane so I'm just going to attempt to figure it out here.
So. We see Vash and Knives as kids, and we see the event that made them The Way They Are: namely, finding Tesla
The interesting thing to note is despite Vash being very emotive in both anime, he seems a lot more reserved in the manga? Any display of emotion tends to be more of the "soft, sad smile" variety than the "Crying randomly" one. That carries over to when he and Knives were kids, with Vash seeming to be pretty stoic while Knives got upset more easily by the potential for Rem being mad at him after breaking things on the ship, him being more concerned about their relationship w humans, etc.
So it's interesting that someone who seems to care about humanity at first flips so hard. One thing might be that Knives was the more nervous one, meaning when he was betrayed he reacted worse. But when Vash sees Tesla, his reaction is violent.
cw suicide and self-harm for this bit
So Rem gets Vash and Knives out of the room, and while she's cleaning up, Vash steals her knife and tries to kill himself. Rem stops him, getting injured in the process. And Vash is happy about it. He exults in the victory much the way Knives does when the ships fall. And then it sinks in, and he breaks down crying.
His world has been violently overturned, and he responded with anger. He lashed out, but that lashing out was met not with returned violence, but understanding. Rem told him her story about the train and helped him realize that what he was feeling was partially grief, for his sister and the life they could have had. He is told that he is important, that he should live. And he is taught that violence can be met with kindness and forgiveness. So much of his behavior is emulating Rem, so it makes sense if that trait is too. A bit of context he's missing, though, is that Rem was treating them as children, because they were. So if Vash treats the world the same way, he's treating them all like children, which they kind of are to him? An interesting parallel to Wolfwood's sympathy for children and lack thereof for adults - would he understand Vash better if he knew that he treated the whole world like they have the innocence and potential for growth that children do?
That got off track. Anyway, Vash's reaction is understandable. It shows a lot of the anger that's just beneath the surface of him (which i sadly see ignored a lot) but it also shows that he know how to meet violence with kindness because he was shown it. He was shown that his violence is not necessary, and he trusts that Rem will not harm him because she saved his life at the cost of her own safety.
Knives, on the other hand, was unconscious this whole time. He doesn't get the immediate visceral reaction that Vash has, and he doesn't even get to remember the event. My immediate thought was that this would cause less trauma, but based on his hatred of humanity it clearly doesn't.
So. What does Knives see here?
From his perspective, his brother and mother have had some kind of bonding moment without him, however traumatic. He was left out, and, if we cheat by drawing clues from the anime and extrapolating from what I've read so far, it's possible that he feels left out of the relationship overall. Then his brother tells his mother to tell Knives what happened, out of guilt and the idea that Knives "deserves to know" (true, but it still clearly messes with him). Knives gets the story told through Rem's eyes. He, along with Vash, is told that Rem did whatever she could to save Tesla once she realized what was going on. What he missed was the hard evidence of Rem's kindness and care that Vash got. He's told that he has to go on, but no one tells him how. He doesn't know that anyone will fight for him. He doesn't know that his brother felt this way too. He doesn't let anyone know, so he doesn't get the comfort. And then they act like everything's normal, with no assurance that nothing like this will happen again. No assurance of his own free will. So it festers and rots. He's assumed to be the more expressive child, so nobody suspects pain he doesn't show. He thinks, how do we stop this from happening ever again. How can I know that humans will be kind.
He doesn't. Rem never got to show him her example.
And that's it, really. Vash models his entire worldview off of Rem in that one moment. Knives never got that moment. Instead, he got isolation and fear.
From another angle, Vash saw the clinical record of an atrocity. He saw clean, unabashed facts. The whole shameful mess. it was awful, but he has seen it. He knows it. He knows he's seen the whole truth because he knows those scientists didn't have regrets - why would they lie in their own lab reports? The same ones where they're already so callous?
Knives has no reason to believe that Rem has told him the whole truth. He knows something awful happened, but he also knows Rem has hidden things before. What if there's something else she hasn't told him?
Vash got the direct trauma of seeing Tesla. But Knives was left with the paranoia of not quite knowing what happened. Knowing Vash and Rem have seen something he hasn't. Not being able to trust that they're telling him the truth. For the first time, not being able to trust his brother.
I wonder if that's why Vash blames himself for the Fall. Not for the practicals of how Nai crashed the ship, but for letting him feel like he needed to in the first place.
I wonder if Nai can trust anyone anymore. They say imagination is worse than life.
Vash tasted the fruit. He sees good and he sees evil. Knives has seen neither, and is left jumping at shadows of both.
ok um. i suppose these are my thoughts. if you're reading this hi please talk to me about trigun i'm going so insane
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jeysbvck · 1 year
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guess whose considering writing a buddie fic hahahahhaahahahahahahaha
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