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#but it feels impossible to make the phone call! ive been trying!!!
norrizzandpia · 6 months
Note
hey bestiee!!
I wanted to request femxreader who’s having trouble with sleep and calls lando when he’s away because she misses him so much
thanksss🧡
I NEED HIM ON SPEED DIAL.
What Are You Doing Up? (LN4)
Summary: She can’t go to sleep when he isn’t there.
Warnings: again, arguably the cutest thing ive ever written
Her eyes felt as if they had been glued open as she stared up at the ceiling. Nothing seemed to work. No amount of tea or medicine could get her body to relax and give into the sleep she so desperately wanted and needed.
The one thing she hadn’t tried and the one thing she really didn’t want to bother was the one thing she knew would actually work.
Lando.
Her boyfriend had become the expert on getting her back to sleep on nights when she was too fidgety or energized to lay down and stay still. His quiet whispers could easily make her drowsy and his soft hands roaming her skin never once failed to make her eyes droop. Whether it was the fact she found his presence calming or he was just the insomniac-whisperer, she didn’t know.
Nevertheless, on nights when he wasn’t there to find her up and walking around the kitchen in search of something to do, she had to try and get herself back to sleep on her own. Usually, she could do it. It would take hours and hard work, but she could get to sleep eventually. However, now, as she glanced at the clock and it read 4:30 AM, she realized calling Lando was inevitable.
Part of her brain knew he was the last resort, but the other was relieved to hear his voice because, God, did she miss him.
His race weekends had been going phenomenally and she was immensely proud of him, but she couldn’t get over seeing him on screen and wishing he was beside her.
No amount of phone calls, facetimes, voice notes, or text messages could cure the overwhelming yearning she harbored for the man in her life.
Her thumb hesitantly hovered over his contact, doubting at the last moment if she should really disturb him. But wanting sleep and her boyfriend trumped any second thoughts as she let out a breath and clicked his number.
The number rang for a few seconds before she heard shuffling, a rushed “give me one moment”, and then his voice.
“Y/n? What’s going on, baby? Isn’t it like-” A pause told her he was checking the time, “4:30 in the morning over there?”
She nodded, letting out a sigh before responding, “Yes,”
The exhaustion was evident and thick in her voice as it dawned on Lando why his girlfriend had called him when it was the crack of dawn for her.
“You can’t sleep,” He whispered, disappointment and empathy for her.
She had been so busy the few days before without much sleep that her walls began to fall down, tears rising in her eyes as she wished for any kind of rest.
“I can’t sleep,” She repeated, choked sounds escaping her throat as she willed for his support.
“Aw, baby, I’m so sorry. What can I do, love?” He said, moving to a more secluded corner as to gain privacy to speak to her freely.
She shook her head, fingers coming to pinch her nose, “I don’t know. Just talk to me about your day. Maybe that’ll help me calm down.”
“Okay, okay, I can do that.” He whispered lovingly, feeling heartbroken he couldn’t be there to help her through this.
She set the phone beside her ear, blankets up to her chin as he began.
“Well, it’s around 7:30 PM here in Vegas and I was just talking to Oscar and the engineers about going to get some dinner. Testing went really well today and the car is super quick. Baby, it’s going to be such a great race. I’m really hopeful. Anyway, I had a really good workout this morning too. Things are just going really well, honestly, with the team and Oscar. 1-2 is looking not as impossible now which is crazy, baby. And!” He exclaimed, getting excited as he rambled, “And I got to try In-n-Out! Remember that really big burger chain I was telling you about? It’s so fucking popular here and it’s not anywhere else except the west coast of the U.S? Yeah! I got to try it and, no doubt, baby, it was so fucking good. Genuinely, some of the best fast food I’ve ever had. We have to come back to the west coast over holiday, so I can show you it and all the other weird things Americans do. How does that sound, baby?”
Lando was met with silence to his question, thinking she hated the idea, until his ears heard soft, rhythmic sighs on the other line. His heart swelled at the infamous noises of her having dosed off. He loved the fact that he was the only person to be able to get her back to sleep, but also despised it during times like these when she failed to let him know of her problems until the last minute. He wished he could make her understand that any call from her was never going to be a disruption or annoyance.
He would always be overjoyed to hear from her, whether that was with bad or good news.
Nevertheless, he listened to her breathing for a few minutes, wanting to make sure she stayed asleep and didn’t need anymore of his help. When he was sure of her state, he whispered to the woman he knew couldn’t hear him, “I love you so much, my love. Glad I could help.”
He didn’t care that she couldn’t comprehend his words, saying it because, even when she was asleep, she deserved to hear how much he cared about her.
Hanging up the phone and waving off his team behind him who was rushing him as they so desperately wanted to go get food, Lando sent her a quick text.
Lan 🧡
Next time, call me the second you start struggling to fall asleep. I’m always here for you, beautiful. Call me when you wake up xx
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atinylittlepain · 1 year
Note
okay i was wondering if you could a joel x fem reader maybe even dbf joel where it’s loosely based on the song diet mountain dew by lana del rey? like the pining part of it and also the lyric “let’s take jesus of the dashboard” THATS SO HOT TO ME SO IDK
ive never requested anything before soo hope this is okay 🫣🫣
ahhhhhh, this one is a doozy
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Ride It
pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader
joel milller masterlist
She calls her dad's co-worker for a ride and gets a little more than she was expecting.
warnings | 18+ SMUT, age gap, DBF!joel, and not much else y'all
............................
“Hello?”
“Mr. Miller?” She can hear sheets rustling, his gruff sigh over the crackling receiver.
“It’s late, honey. What’s wrong?” Her heart stutters at the sweet name he calls her, the same name he’s called her since she first met him when her dad started working for Miller Construction four years ago.
“It’s my car. I think I have a flat tire and I can’t drive on it.” A long sigh filters through the phone.
“You should call your dad. He’s probably worried sick about you.”
“No! I can’t– he’s gonna be so pissed. Please, Mr. Miller. Would you– would you come get me? I know you’re good with cars and all. Please?” Another long sigh.
“Alright, honey. Will you tell me where you are?” She does, pulled over on the shoulder of the highway, a little ways out of the city but nowhere near home.
“Hang tight, I’m coming.”
“Thank you, Mr. Miller.”
“I’ve told you a thousand times– just Joel, honey.”
“Thank you, Joel.” 
“I’ll be there soon.” She clicks her cell phone shut with a sigh, slumping back in the driver’s seat of her car. Her stomach swirls in anticipation. Normally, she’d try to tamp down the crush she’s had on Joel for quite some time, but after a night out in the city with a few of her old high school friends, she’s just warmed up enough to let her mind race with thoughts of him. It’s silly, something that could never really happen, seeing as her dad has been best friends with Joel for years. But it wasn’t impossible, was it? After all, he’s younger than her dad, and only fifteen years older than her. Jesus christ, get a grip. She huffs, shaking her head to still her thoughts as she looks out at the pitch-black Texas night.
It isn’t long before headlights are brightening up the inside of her car and she turns in her seat to see Joel’s familiar pick up truck pulling up behind her. 
….
The rosary that hangs off her rear-view mirror is swaying harshly, the only sound beside their harsh panting and the sticky slap of skin is it clinking into the windshield over and over again. She’s not entirely sure how they got here, a mixture of late night talking and boundaries being flirted with until they both gave in to something they couldn’t have in the light of day.
“Shit, honey– fucking squeezing me– bit of a stretch for you, huh?” A high-pitched whine falls from her lips, her nails digging into the fabric of his unbuttoned flannel. Joel lets out a breathy laugh.
“That’s it, bounce on it for me, there you go– fuck– boys at school just not cutting it, are they? Need someone with a little more skill.” He punctuates his last word with a jolting thrust up that has the swollen tip of his cock grazing a spot so deep inside her it makes her crumple up against him, his rough fingers digging into her ass to support her as he starts a jagged rhythm of his own.
“C’mon, miss college. Use your words. Who’s making you feel so good?” She hadn’t been expecting it, a surprised yelp leaving her lips when he smacks the curve of her ass, hard, broad palm sure to leave a mark. There is nothing comfortable about the position they’re in, her straddling his lap, scrunched over him in the driver seat, one hand pressed up against the car door window while the other digs into his shoulders for stability. But all she can focus on is the sweet snap of pain and pleasure licking up her spine with each of his thrusts. 
“You, Joel– you feel so good– want more– please, please–” Her words die in her throat when he thrusts up particularly hard, pressing her hips down to meet him and holding her there in a deep grind. She lets out a choked sob of his name, cunt clenching hard around him and coaxing a low moan from the back of his throat. 
“Been wanting this for a while, haven’t you, honey?” His words are a smear against her bare chest where he had tugged down the front of her dress and bra, leaving harsh grazes of his teeth to the swell of her tits. He chuckles when the only response she gives him is a preening whine.
“Fucking knew it. You think I didn’t see how you were looking at me? Practically begging for it– shit– dirty little thing, aren’t you? What would your old man say, huh? Does he know his daughter’s just a little slut?” His voice is a southern slur stamped hotly into her skin, low and drawling and all melted together, pushing her even closer to the brink as her wetness starts to smear down hers and Joel’s thighs, the sound of skin slicking and sticking with each thrust becoming impossibly lewd. It’s almost too much when his one hand dips under her rucked up skirt, fingers harshly toying with her clit.
“Give it to me, honey. Make a fucking mess, c’mon.” The pleasure floods over in an instant, the only sound she can make is a breathy chant of his name as her hips seize up and she spasms around him. He’s not far behind as he thrusts into her a few more times before his hips stutter to a stop and she feels his warmth spreading inside her. She clings to him, both of them breathing hard and flushed with pleasure. 
“Jesus christ, I’m sorry– I should’ve–” “S’fine, I’m on the pill.” He throws his head back into the headrest at that, chest still heaving. But he doesn't stay still for long, jostling her in his hold as he suddenly leans forward and yanks the rosary still clinking into the windshield clean off the rearview mirror, tossing it haphazardly onto the passenger seat. She quirks an eyebrow at him as he settles back into the seat.
“Damn noise was driving me insane.”
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icaruspendragon · 5 months
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im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it
grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.
and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.
there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.
I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.
because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.
those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.
but then it's tuesday.
which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.
but it didn't.
it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.
and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.
it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.
not if it was tuesday.
it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.
that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.
the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.
tuesdays will always be worth it.
like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.
I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.
I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.
it's monday and I dig.
I dig.
and then tuesday comes.
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barsformars · 1 month
Text
A Little More
//
g - fluff
p - jongho x gn!reader
w.c - 1.2k
t.w - none
a.n - i wrote this back in 2020??? i found it in my notion drafts so i edited it a lil bit and decided to post it (i dont think ive posted this? i couldnt find it on my page)
//
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You tapped your feet impatiently to a made-up rhythm in your head, constantly glancing up at the clock hanging on the wall right behind your teacher. Urgh, class was supposed to end 16 minutes ago.
"Are we going to miss it?" Jongho turned to ask even though he had already guessed that judging from the way you were acting.
"If she doesn't stop talking right now," you leaned in slightly and replied softly, not wanting to get caught talking in class. That would just mean getting held back a little longer than you would like to. "Gosh, I'm not even absorbing an-“
You pause at the sudden quietness of the classroom, looking up to see Ms Kang with her arms folded across her chest. Uh-oh.
But before she even has a chance to call the both of you out, Jongho raises his hand, making up a lie on the spot as an excuse. "Sorry, they were explaining a question to me!" He nudges you with his elbow, which was your cue to apologise as well so that Ms Kang would just get over it.
"Alright, but next time don't discuss while I'm speaking. Got it?"
"Yep!" You rolled your eyes playfully at your table partner, he has a way of always getting out of trouble. It was just impossible for anyone to dislike him, and all the grown-ups just absolutely adore him.
Thankfully for the both of you (and everybody else), Ms Kang decided that there was no point in carrying on the lesson any further. She said that everyone looked 'too dead on the inside' which wasn't not true at all. It's just the case when school had started as early as 7.30 in the morning, only ending now at 5pm (or rather 5.20pm).
You stuffed all your belongings into your bag hurriedly before helping Jongho with his. Why does he always have a pile of loose notes and books under his table? Now, if it wasn't for how early the sunsets were nowadays now that it’s winter, you wouldn't be rushing him. You never liked pressuring anyone in any way.
"If we miss it today, we can just catch it tomorrow or whenever, you know." It wasn't that Jongho didn't like you rushing him, in fact, he doesn't mind it at all. He just rather not see you stressing over something so minor so unnecessarily.
Jongho had a point, but you really wanted to see the sunset today for whatever reason. Or actually there were many reasons. You know how there's always one week in the month where the sunsets just hit different from the other days? That's what you have observed at least, even if you didn't have any scientific information to back it up or prove that was really the case. Anyways, to put it short, the sunsets recently have been extra pretty and if you don't catch it today, you'll have to wait another month. Why? You have classes that extend way past 5 o'clock starting tomorrow.
And besides, you couldn’t wait any longer. As curious as you were hopeful, you really wanted to know who Jongho had caught feelings for. He promised he would tell you on a day the sunset is exceptionally beautiful.
"We still have a little more time left," you said, not bothering to explain your thoughts to Jongho. It's too much effort to try and properly formulate your thoughts into coherent sentences.
"Alright, let's go then." Without any warning, Jongho takes hold of your wrist, pulling you along with him as the both of you ran down the hallway, then the 8 flights of stairs and finally to the open field at the back of the campus.
After all the panting and gasping for air, you tilted your head upwards only to be greeted by light grey clouds filling up the sky. The golden rays of the sunset were barely peeking out from the back despite it extending out like roots greedy for nutrients in the soil.
You pulled your phone out of your pocket and checked the time, hoping that maybe this was only the starting and not the end. "They say the sun sets in 6 minutes, so I guess we just wait?" You suggested, already seated on the floor before Jongho could process your words.
He remained standing, looking down at you with narrowed eyes. There was definitely something wrong with whatever you had just said but Jongho couldn't tell if he or you were the stupid one here. "I think that means the sky goes dark then, no? Like when the sun completely sets....." His voice trails off as you tugged at the sleeve of his uniform to get him to sit down as well.
"I don't know, but no harm in waiting just a little while more."
"I guess," Jongho said with a shrug of his shoulders.
But a lot of things can happen in just a little while. For example, Jongho might just muster up a little more courage in this peaceful silence to confess his feelings for you. And in this little while, an amazing friendship could very possibly end, unless you saw him as a little more than only a friend.
Jongho decides not to take the risk just yet; there's no harm in waiting just a little while more. Just a little more, when he can be a little more sure of your feelings as well.
"What's with this weird atmosphere?" You joked, an attempt to ignore how fast your heart was racing right now. Lucky for Jongho, you were too busy calming yourself down that you missed the way his body immediately tensed up at your question.
"Uhm, I'm guessing that's-" Jongho points up at the sky that was very far from spectacular-"all today's sunset has to offer." That wasn't the best way to break the awkward silence but oh well...
"Can we wait 5 more minutes?" You had almost lost all hope at this point but you never know what might happened in the next few minutes. Maybe Jongho would finally decide to let you in on his crush's identity as he had promised. Because if he doesn't, then you might. And if it so happens that your feelings for him aren't reciprocated, you were only going to burden him with your feelings. You don't want that, but right now you're barely holding yourself back. "Do you even remember what you promised me?"
"The thing about my crush?"
"Mhmm..."
"Yea, I remember. But today's sunset isn't it." Jongho sighed as he leaned back on his hands, staring up at the now dark sky. "Just wait a little while more."
"Well, but I don't want to miss the timing just like we did with the sunset today so I'll just say it." Your voice was shakier but in no way more timid than usual, perhaps it was the adrenaline that was rushing through your veins right now. Because right now, you couldn't care less about the weight and consequences of your words.
"Choi Jongho, I really like you a lot."
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soothinglee · 6 months
Text
intoxicated romance in paris
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summary: after taras party, everyone left leaving you drunk and very sleepy, luckily someone came in to check on you on a beautiful night in paris.
warnings: mentions of being sick, drunk-heavy-ish fic.
authors note: sorry i've been gone for a little bit, school started and ive been busy- plus i've had little motivation. but i am back! i have another tao request coming up so hopefully i'll have that done by the weekend. requests are open!ಇ
inspiration: impossible - wasia project | time machine - willow
pairing: tao xu x reader (no pronouns specified. though reader is mentioned to go to higgs.)
masterlist | request
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you could honestly kill darcy right now. it’s not like she did anything intentionally illegal but stealing a bottle of vodka and pouring it down each party goers throat; it catered to the massive headache stirring in your head.
everyone had departed to mr. ajays room to take care of her after she felt sick. you lay limp and alone in the hotel room. party streamers and confetti lie around your body like an outline, balloon slowly fall to the ground after hours of stillness and lack of oxygen. there was a soft purple glow of the beautiful paris street lights from below, and you can faintly hear the honking of cars on the road- all going to unique locations.
as much as you tried to roll over to check the time on your phone you find yourself still. fatigue from exhaustion creek in your bones, making the nauseous feeling creeping up push forward. at the sudden sickness you throw yourself forward and try to stabilize yourself on the knitted sheets.
behind the thoughts of trying to keep the sick in you didn't even realize that someone had knocked on the door until that person had turned the handle with a click, the noise echoing throughout the empty room.
"hello hello?" the voice called out, growing nearer. when there was no response they speak again, "hello?"
the only response you could give back was a disgruntled grunt.
"[y/n]?" the boys voice questions, rounding the corner of the entrance way to see you hunched over ontop of the bed. you hadn't known but your hair was sticking up in several places and the crocheted sweater that you wore was hanging off your shoulder on one side. he huffs out a laugh and nears you. "you alright?"
again a grunt.
he lays his phone on the nightstand next to the bed and kneels down next to you, "you look sick, did you drink too much?"
"i'm going to hurt darcy, respectfully." the words come out in broken pieces, but behind the words was a little lighthearted humor. deep down you knew she meant well but oh my god this feeling is gross.
"well don't hurt her too much, she already got sick in mr. farouks' bed. the look on his face could've killed her alone." tao shakes his head at the thought and reaches up to smooth down the back of your head. the feeling of his hand on your hair ignited something warm in you.
you decided it was just because you were drunk.
"did she actually?"
"oh yeah," he laughs lightly and goes to fix your clothes, "she looked like she was going to pee herself, he kicked all of them out."
confusion passes over you, "then where are they?" you were still in their rooms and it's been a good 30 minutes since they last were here.
tao hums and picks at his nails, "they decided to have a sleep over in imogens room, she's only with one other person but her roommate wanted to hangout in her friends room for the night."
you nod and look off but then direct your attention back to him, "wait," you watch as he glances at you then diverts his attention back to his hands, "then why are you here?"
as a reminder, tao jerks up and starts throwing around blankets and items on the other nightstand in a haphazard manner, "oh- yeah, well um- tara had asked me to come back and look for her phone because she needed to text her mom goodnight," he then adds a "yeah." at the end as if he's trying to convince himself of his own words.
while you watch him practically destroy the room your face goes blank with realization, "tao." he hums in acknowledgment but his movements don't cease, "taras' phone isn't in here, she took it with her when she left the party with everyone. and even if you called it it would've rang on this bed," you make your point by slamming a finger into the sheets, "because this is where she was sitting all night."
as if being caught red-handed, tao slowly stands up, the pillow falling from his hands slowly, "oh." was the only thing that came out.
pushing past the fatigue you swing your legs over the edge of the bed so your feet was mere inches from his legs, "so tell me the truth," you huffs out a short breath, "why are you really here? was it to check up on me?" you remark sarcastically. you know it's probably not the truth but hope dances on your tongue tastefully.
quite surprisingly, he nods his head. "i knew you were alone so i figured i'd check in, make sure you didn't spit up on yourself or something." in other words, i cared enough to go out of my way away from the others to make sure you weren't dead.
again, another wave of confusion, "but why?"
tao groans playfully and body flops on the bed, his hair splayed out around his head like a halo, "why are you so coherent, you're supposed to be drunk!"
a slurred giggle escapes you, "oh trust me, i feel just as bad as i look. i just didn't have as much as the other." you pause and hiccup, "can i ask another question?"
"[y/n]-? and i mean this lightheartedly, all you do is ask questions." but he makes a gesture with his hands as if to give the go ahead.
you lean in and whisper, "why are you still here?" a playful smile twitches at your lips. he lifts his head up to look at you, his hair falling in his eyes.
tao rolls his eyes and copy's your position, the beds were close to eachother so the two of you were inches from touching knees. he takes a look at you and you cower a little under his gaze, but not too much. tao goes to speak but stops himself, you lightly kick his leg in encouragement, "because i want to be near you."
that nearly winds you- feeling a little appreciation for being intoxicated because without it as a cover the red huge on your cheeks would be a give away.
you look away from him and towards the balcony, the door open to it let a soft breeze float through the room. you suddenly want to be out there. so without a response towards his comment you reach out your arms towards tao and silently point towards the doors.
he seems a little sad at the conversation change but obliges, "what? you want to go outside?"
you nod feeling a little sicker than before, "wanna see the Eiffel Tower." he nods and takes your hands in his, gently hoisting you up into his arms. his warm body heat makes you feel sleepy, and the over whelming feelings all at once doesn't even let you register that you were holding his hands, let alone in his arms.
slowly but surely he turns you around so your back is to his chest and he carries you on his toes to the balcony. it takes a while because every step he takes you loose your balance and have to regain it.
as you take a step outside a wave of fresh dew air hits you and at the feeling you close your eyes and lean back into tao. he chuckles at the action.
being outside at night, being in paris- an unfamiliar but welcoming presence, being with, no, against tao, especially alone for the first time in the 6 years you've been friends, this could be the best night ever.
the feeling is all too sentimental, whether it's the alcohol doing it's damage or being in the city of love you can't help but sigh and look up at tao with big bright eyes. it takes him a moment because like you too, he was watching the city come alive, and as you make eye contact he smiles with hesitancy, "what?"
it had been clear as day for the longest time but for some reason, right here right now, despite what everyone has been telling you, you had liked him too. it just took you now to figure it out. you lean against him once more and let out a deep sigh,
"i like being near you too."
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thanks for readingಇ
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Text
Darkness At The Heart Of My Love
Pairings: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia X GN!Reader
Type: Fluff that turns to angst w/ no comfort
Summary: Copia had just begun his reign as Papa, and was overworked. He needed to get away from the ministry and all of it. He found someone along the way. Someone who showed him love and happiness. It was perfect, until things changed, and then things descended into chaos.
Warnings: Mentions of character death, heartbreak, use of Y/N, google translated Italian
Word Count: 3,619
Notes: I’m debating on whether I want to make this into a short series. I already have the second part written, but I don’t know how I feel about the plot I previously had for the third part. I originally did this as a self insert, so if there are pronouns that don't correlate with a gender neutral reader, please let me know I will fix it asap. Also I'm sorry for the way the song lyrics copied over, you're just gonna have to deal with it (unfortunately).
Read on AO3
~
When the summer dies
Severing the ties
I'm with you always, always
Will you walk the line?
My path serpentine
Remember always
That love is all you need
Tell me who you wanna be
And I will set you free
There's a darkness at the heart of my love
That runs cold, runs deep
The darkness at the heart of my love
For you
It was a September afternoon. The leaves were just starting to change and the air had just started to relieve itself of its hellish temperatures. Summer finally started saying its goodbye.
The Clergy had been on Copia’s back recently due to his most recent accomplishment of being in talks to become the new Papa. He knew that they just wanted everything perfect, but he was struggling to believe he could live up to their practically impossible standards. It had been an impossibly long day, and he knew that he needed a break before he snapped, inflicting the wrath of Sister Imperator.
He drove around, just trying to clear his head until he found a café. A small little thing that looked very simple. He didn’t bother to check the name or the reviews before walking inside.
“Good afternoon! How can I help you today?” A chipper voice called out to him. His head snapped up from his phone as he set his eyes on them.
“Oh, hello. I-I’m good. How are you today?” He responded, his cheeks reddening slightly as he stumbled over his words.
“Well, it would be better if it were time to go home, but honestly I can’t complain too much,” the cashier responded. “What can I get for you today?”
Copia looked over the menu for just a moment. “Could I just get a black coffee and a blueberry scone?”
“Sure thing!” They smiled as they told him the total and grabbed his scone. They handed him the bag, and his hand lingered for a moment. He held his breath once he realized what he was doing, and grabbed the bag.
“Grazie,” he mumbled as he walked over to the other end of the counter to wait on his coffee. He watched as they poured the coffee, entranced by their every move.
“Here’s your coffee, sir,” they called as if he wasn’t jumping at the chance to talk to them again.
“Thank you,” he said, taking it and finding a seat. He was the only person actually sitting down, everyone else who came in got their orders and left. Copia knew that wouldn’t do for him. If he left, he didn’t know what would have happened.
He sat for a while, eating his scone and sipping his coffee. It was peaceful in the little café. Soft music played over the speakers, and the scent of freshly baked treats filled the air. It was nice.
“I’m heading out now! I’ll see you guys later!” He heard them call, apron off and bag in their hand. He watched them walk towards the door, and jumped up, not really knowing what he was doing.
“Excuse me, but I was just wondering if you-if you had any plans today. It’s been a long day, and you seem like you would be nice to talk to. Only, if you want to of course! I just thought you were gorgeous-I mean you seemed nice. Not that you aren’t gorgeous of course! I’m sorry, I don’t really talk to people outside of my work,” he rushed his words. He was slightly shaking, scared of what they would say.
“I don’t have any plans,” they smiled. “There’s a park right down the road, I could take you if you wanted.”
A look of relief washed over his tired face. “Really? I-well, I would like that actually.”
“My name is Y/N,” they said, holding out their arm.
He looped his arm in theirs, internally smacking himself for not asking their name earlier. “Copia.”
“Well, Copia, it’s nice to meet you.” They squeezed his arm lightly as they left the café. He smiled and looked at the ground.
The park wasn’t far at all, just about a ten minute walk. It was pretty, especially now that the leaves were changing their colors, shedding their summertime glow. There was a winding path that had trees scattered along with a few bushes surrounding them. The flowers on the ground were already wilting, but the scene was still beautiful nonetheless.
“So, Copia, what brought you to my little café?” They asked, their head tilting as they continued to walk arm in arm. Copia found it refreshing to not have his title used to address him for once. It seemed to be all he heard now.
“Well, work has been getting to me. Sis-My boss likes everything to be perfect. It’s just the way that the company is run. I’m beginning to take on a new…new mantle, and in order to properly take it on, I have to be perfect. It is a lot of stress for one man.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure it is stressful. May I ask where you work? I might be able to help, or at least provide some comfort with a little more context.”
He was hoping they wouldn’t ask that question, terrified of scaring them off. “Well, it’s a, uh, ministry of sorts.”
“Oh, so you’re going to become a priest. I guess that could be difficult. Not living a life of sin and being perfect for God and all of his followers.”
“Well, not exactly,” he admitted to them. “Are you religious?”
“I’m not entirely religious. I’m sure there’s a source of something out there, but if it is, I haven’t found it. I don’t judge religions though.”
“Well, that’s comforting,” he sighed. They gave him an odd look. “Our ministry isn’t exactly…Christian.”
“Now I'm a little bit confused.”
He laughed lightly at their response. “It’s a Satanic church. We preach about the word of Satan, and it’s a fun little gig we have going. We use a band to spread the word. Maybe you have heard of it?”
“That's interesting. What is your band called? I’m not sure whether I would have heard of it or not.”
“It’s called Ghost, we are pretty popular,” he teased. He wouldn’t be sure whether they’d heard of it or not, and was surprised by their reaction to saying he was with a satanic church.
“No, I don’t think I have heard of it actually.”
“Well, what kind of music do you like? I can help be a good judge of whether it would provide entertainment. It’s, eh, not really your basic music.”
“I’ll listen to almost anything, honestly. I’m always down for a good tune.”
Copia was taken aback by this a bit, a pleasantly shocked look on his face. “Well, it’s a rock band. A pretty good one if I do say so myself.”
“Maybe I’ll give it a listen later.” 
They continued to walk for a minute in silence before Copia piped up. “So, what do you do for fun?”
“I don’t really know. I like to read, watch TV, listen to music, and all the basic things.”
“What about video games? Any of that interest you?”
“Not really. I never got into gaming.”
“Interesting.”
“What about you, Copia?”
“I play a game or two here and there, but with the Ministry, I don’t get much time to myself.”
“Oh, I’m sorry that sucks. You can always call me up, if you want some company. I don’t really do much other than work. Here,” they said, sticking their phone out to him, “put your number in, and then you can text me whenever you get too stressed and need an outside source for comfort.” Copia took the phone, put his number in, and sent himself a message to make sure he didn’t put it in wrong, then they continued on their first walk of many.
And that is what they did for months.
They texted back and forth often, called, and even went on quite a few dates. Copia had yet another long day, and knew that he could trust the person he now proudly called his partner. He called, asking if he could spend the night at their apartment, and of course they said yes.
Copia made his way to their apartment, using his key to get inside. “Dolcezza? I’m here, amore.”
“I’m in the bathroom! Just got out of the shower!” They called, and he walked that way. He still had on his paints, which still shocked them sometimes, but they were beginning to grow used to it. “Well don’t you look handsome?” They teased, noting that he was in a hoodie and sweatpants.
“What? Oh, heh, yeah I guess I am a beauty. But you, amore mio, look stunning.” He grabbed their hips, pulling them into a kiss. They had on a plain black t-shirt and a pair of black shorts to match. Their hair was wet, and before the kiss they were drying it with a towel. As they kissed, they dropped the towel in favor of wrapping their arms around his shoulders while his arms crossed around their back to pull them in.
“Well, someone missed me,” they said as they pulled away, leaving their arms around him.
“I always miss you,” he said, pressing a lighter kiss to their forehead.
“You’re so sweet, Copia,” they hummed, staring up into his mismatched eyes, nothing else but adoration showing.
“I love you, tesoro.”
“I love you too. What brings you tonight? Anything special?”
“No, just a long day. Needed a way to relax,” he hummed, looking at them.
“What do you want to do?” They asked, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek.
“What do you say I treat you to a dance?”
“What do yo-” before they finished, Copia removed them from where they leaned on the counter, dancing with them out to the living room. They laughed as he spun the both of them around, one hand holding theirs while the other rested on their waist, kissing them while he dipped them.
They were absolutely in love, and that was easy to see. They had only been to the Abbey a few times, but any sibling of sin, ghoul, or anyone who crossed their paths could see the love on their faces.
Soon, the rings on their left ring fingers became evidence enough. Copia, being the romantic he was, proposed to them about a year and a half later.
The air was warm, spring just beginning to settle in, as they walked through the park they first walked at. They walked there often now, finding comfort in the atmosphere. Little did Y/N know that Copia had a surprise waiting for them. It wasn’t uncommon for them to go on picnics, especially not if they were sunrise or sunset picnics.
They walked the winding trail, arms linked together, as Copia nervously led them to their destination. In the other hand, Y/N held a picnic basket that had all of their favorite things, as Copia’s hand nervously fiddled with the small box containing the second most precious gem. The first being his beloved.
The sky was a gorgeous pale blue, the clouds outlined with pink and orange as the sun began to sink past the horizon. Their normal picnic spot had been set up to look very different.
Copia had to pull a few strings, but the trees were decorated with lights, and all of their favorite flowers formed to make a walkway that led to a small platform that was covered in more flowers.
He walked them towards the destination while one sibling of sin hid in the bushes to capture it on video and get the most perfect photos.
Y/N was in absolute awe. It looked like something out of a movie. “Is that for me, Copia?” They asked innocently, unsure of whether this was just for them or someone else.
“Yes, carissima. This is all for you.” He walked up to the platform, letting them take the first step. He steps up next, bending down on one knee. “I knew from the moment I laid my eyes on you that I wanted to be the one you loved. I have cherished every moment, every laugh, even the fights, all because I got to spend that time with you. You are the love and the light of my life. I love you beyond words, Y/N. So please, will you marry me?”
Crying, Y/N lowers themself to be level with him. “Yes,” they cry, holding his face in their hands and kissing him. “A thousand times, yes.”
Copia’s face lights up as he takes their left hand off his face, slipping the ring on, then pulling them into the closest hug they will ever feel in their lives.
Will you spill the wine
To summon the divine?
I'm with you always, always
Now paint a pair of eyes
And let's watch as it dries
Remember always, that love is all you need
Tell me who you wanna be
And I will set you free
There's a darkness at the heart of my love
That runs cold, runs deep
The darkness at the heart of my love
So bold, so sweet
The big day was here. The day where Y/N and Copia would pledge their love in front of everyone.
Marrying a Papa was a big deal. Everyone in the Clergy would gather to watch the occasion. The reception, however, was for close friends and family members only.
“Are you ready?” A voice called from behind Y/N . It was their father. He wasn’t entirely on board with the concept of marrying a satanic pope, but once he realized just how wonderful Copia made them feel, he accepted the relationship, and welcomed Copia with open arms.
“I believe so,” they said, using one hand to hold the bouquet of flowers, the other smoothing down their outfit.
“Then I believe it’s time,” he said, taking their arm in his as the doors opened. They looked up to where Copia was standing in awe. He had on a gorgeous suit and his paints were on. Tradition is that they wear full regalia, but he didn’t want to remember this moment as Papa, just as Copia. He finally was able to compromise with just using his paints, so he took what he could get.
They could tell that there were tears in his eyes. He was always the sentimental type. They smiled as tears welled in their eyes as well.
As they reached the altar, their father smiled at them and kissed their cheek before sitting down. Copia reached a hand out to them as they walked up the stairs, handing a bridesmaid the bouquet of flowers.
“Hi, you look gorgeous,” he whispered excitedly.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” they said, giving him a wink. The officiant began speaking, signaling the ceremony had begun. There was a bottle of wine, two chalices, and their rings on a small table next to the officiant.
A little while into the wedding, both of them poured wine into the other’s chalice, crossing their arms as they sip. It wasn’t the most necessary part of the ceremony, but it was something that they decided to do. A symbol of their joining together.
They slipped their rings on after, officially combined as one.
They walked back down the aisle, arm in arm, smiling like children, so happy that they found their perfect match. Neither of them wanted to get their outfits messed up, so as their chosen guests filed into the reception room, they changed into simpler, yet still formal, outfits.
“I am so happy that I have you now,” Copia said, coming behind Y/N to wrap them in a hug and leaned his head on their shoulders.
“Until death do us part,” Y/N responded in a joking tone.
“Not even death could keep us from each other,” he said, kissing their neck. Y/N turned around, wrapping their arms around his shoulders, kissing him.
“I would never let that happen,” they smiled.
There's a darkness at the heart of my love
That runs cold, runs deep
The darkness at the heart of my love
For you
“Are you excited? It’s your last concert of this tour. I’m so proud of you,” Y/N said, kissing his cheek as they helped fix his robes.
“It has been a blast. I’m sad to see it come to an end, but that just means we can start new journeys now,” he smiled.
“You’re going to do amazing.” They both walked to the side of the stage, waiting for the cue that they were good to go. “Do you hear that? Copia, they love you.” A smile rested on their face, their head leaning on their husband's shoulder.
“No one could love me the way you do, dolcezza. They may love me, and I may entice them, but my eyes are only for you. I am only for you. I will be with you always,” he said, listening to the crowd’s chanting.
“It’s time. I’ll see you after the show, my love.”
“I love you,” Copia said, kissing them lovingly before walking on stage, the crowd screaming their heads off.
Y/N made their way to their designated spot above the crowd. There was always one section where they would stand and watch, no one else to bother them. The crowd was extremely reactive tonight, everyone having the best time. Even the ghouls looked to be having the greatest night of their lives. 
They smiled, singing along to every song. Occasionally, Copia would look up to where they stood, and they waved each time.
He bounced around the stage, everyone enchanted by his every move, but now the concert was coming to an end. He looked so content and happy performing that neither of them wanted this to end.
“Now this song is very special to me. I used to sing this song, worried about the pain another would cause me, or a pain that I would cause another if I let anyone near me, close to my heart. I said no! No relationships!” He paused, looking around the crowd then looking up to them. “Now, I know that I was wrong. I wish I could have figured this out sooner, but when I stepped into that little coffee shop, I’m glad it took all the time that it did. For the past few years, my love, my beautiful, my angel, my partner has been by my side. So now, I sing a new song of love. Love for the one I am so glad to be able to call my partner. For my Y/N.” He pointed at them as the crowd cheered at the mention of their name, causing them to grin and blush. "This is Darkness At The Heart of My Love!” The crowd cheered some more as the opening notes played.
He sang beautifully. His voice was perfect, and his movements bewitching. Everything about this performance proved Copia was a masterpiece. Y/N leaned onto the railing, singing and watching as their lover made his way through the song.
“Remember always that love is all you need. Tell me who you wanna be, and I will set you free,” he sang as the song drew near its end, looking up to Y/N as he did.
There's a darkness at the heart of my love
That runs cold, runs deep
The darkness at the heart of my love
So bold, so sweet
There's a darkness at the heart of my love (my love)
That runs cold (runs cold), runs deep (runs deep)
The darkness at the heart of my love (my love)
So bold (so bold), so sweet (so sweet)
Y/N didn’t notice the security coming behind them, but they recognized similar strange figures standing on either side of the stage, stalking towards Copia.
Panic flooded them as they turned to run to try and save him, though it was a waste of effort. The security guards behind them grabbed them, forcing them to watch the events unfold.
“And all this time you knew that I would put you through the darkness at the heart of my love for you!” Copia sang, unaware of the men behind him while Y/N struggled.
When the summer dies
Severing the ties
I'm with you always, always
The men came behind Copia, grabbing his arms and legs, pulling him away from the microphone. A look of fear filled his face.
Paint a pair of eyes
Let's watch as it dries
I'm with you always, always
“No!” They screamed out, watching him get dragged off stage, struggling in the same way they were. “Copia! Please! No!” People in the few rows below them turned, watching the tears streaming down their face as they continued to scream.
Sister Imperator walked out on stage, beginning to say some words, but Y/N couldn’t make it out. The guards let them go, and they crumpled to the ground, shaking and sobbing, feeling utterly broken. “No,” they cried quieter. The crowd was painfully silent as they watched Sister. “This can’t be happening. No. Please.” A few siblings of sin walked toward them, lifting them off the ground, walking them back to a car.
They took them back to the ministry, and they cried the whole way there. They brought them to bed, changing their clothes and making them comfortable. They listened to their cries, sad looks on their faces.
They said nothing now, laying in the bed them and Copia would never share again. They held his pillow close, crying into it.
He was gone, and they wouldn’t get him back.
68 notes · View notes
jinchuls-moved · 4 months
Text
hi, important lil note
pseud change, jinx -> echo
you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself
okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.
tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.
so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)
and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.
getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago
that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3
19 notes · View notes
nony-bear · 2 years
Text
Matched (Part IV)
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This blog and ALL posts are for people 18 + ONLY.
I do not give permission for my works to be re-uploaded or copied in any way or form including translations.
Photo Found Here // Banner Made By Me
Dividers Found Here & Here
Parings: Alpha Bucky Barnes X Omega Reader
Warnings: ABO dynamics, gross alpha male behavior (not by Bucky), insecurities, slight medical talk, angst maybe?
Word Count: 2384
Summary: This is part four of the series Matched. The reader and Bucky begin participate in new tests and both have their second phone call. 
A/N: Part IV is officially here! There is something super exciting at the end of this chapter so I hope you’re all ready because I definitely am! I’m so excited that this story has been doing so well and progressing the way I’ve been dreaming about for ages! A super special thanks to @dadplease​ for beta reading this for me! If you don’t know Eun please go check her out she’s an amazing writer, and just an incredible human being! If anyone else is interested in beta reading for this series just let me know! Any likes and reblog or sharing of any kind would be greatly appreciated but as always this blog and all of its content is for people ages 18 and up and never do I ever give permission for my works to be re-uploaded or copied in any way or form including translations.
Series Masterlist
Part V
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You groan as the phone rings loudly through your room, the sound echoing off the walls and making it impossible even to try to ignore it and return to your blissful sleep.
Rolling over, you shove your head under the pillow, trying to block it out, wondering what would happen if you simply didn’t answer or participate in today’s agenda. After last night’s call, you aren’t feeling particularly motivated, and regardless of the current circumstances, you’ve always been more of a night owl anyway.
After a few more seconds, you realize the ringing isn’t going to stop. Groaning again, you reach for the button blindly, refusing to open your eyes. Somehow you find it, hitting it a tad aggressively.
“Hi, Y/n! This is Luke! It's 8 am, so this is your wake-up call, and I will also be taking your breakfast order!” the overly chipper man sings over the phone.
“Good morning,” you yawn, not even being able to pretend to be half as awake as he is.
You order your breakfast, which Luke tells you will arrive soon with your itinerary, before you begrudgingly pull yourself out of bed.
Deciding to shower and freshen up for the day, you put some clean and comfortable clothes to wear, unsure what the day will exactly hold. If it is anything like yesterday, I won’t have to worry about looking presentable for anyone, you think to yourself.
As you shower, you let the hot water run down your back to keep you relaxed. Yet, you still can’t help but let your mind dwell on last night. The shock still floats in your thoughts as you recall the way Ben spoke and acted. You didn’t think they would let people like that into the program, and it’s waivered your confidence. Not that you were all that confident to begin with, but you were at least hopeful. However, now you’re just grateful for that satisfaction money-back guarantee the program promised.
After finishing up in the shower and redressing, you are sitting in the chair in your room and scrolling through your phone when there is a knock at the door. You’re internally thankful for the food’s arrival but also unable to help your curiosity about today’s activities.
When you open the door there is a tray left on the floor with your food and an envelope labeled Saturday.
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Shuffling the food around his plate with his fork Bucky sighs as he waits for Steve to answer the phone. The punk basically had a heart attack this morning when he realized Bucky never called to check in with him last night.
“Buck?!” Steve says loudly as soon as he answers.
“I’m alright, I’m alright,” Bucky sighs and rolls his eyes.
Steve audibly sighs in relief. “What the hell, you were supposed to call me last night?”
“Hey- language, Steve,” Bucky chuckles, not being able to stop himself from teasing his best friend.
“Oh, shut it, Buck. You’re lucky I’m not there to kick your ass.”
Scoffing, Bucky laughs louder. “Whatever, punk. Look, I’m calling you now. Are you happy or what?”
“Well, how are things going? Everything seems- you know… okay?” Steve asks warily.
Bucky shrugs before he realizes that Steve can’t see him. “Yeah… the room they’ve got me set up in is nice. Everything seems like it checks out, nothing to be worried about.”
“Have you met anyone yet?” Steve asks curiously.
“Only one, but I didn’t get to see her- we talked on the phone. She seemed nice enough but nothing more,” Bucky tells him truthfully. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too far out of practice.”
“Nah, Buck, you’ll figure it out. I’m rooting for you.”
“Thanks, pal.” Bucky smiles, and he appreciates Steve’s confidence but is now worried about letting him down. Getting Steve all worked up just for Bucky to return empty-handed? Sure Steve would understand, but Bucky would be left with a pang of weird heavy guilt knowing he worried Steve for nothing.
Once Bucky is able to get the only other 100-year-old super soldier he knows off the phone, he searches for his itinerary, preparing himself for whatever today shall bring.
FRIDAY ITINERARY
10:00 am: Event #1 - Laboratory Scent Matching
Participants will be individually escorted down by a program assistant to a laboratory testing pod. Once in the pod, each participant will find ten scent samples. Some samples have been collected from other participants, and others are from past participants to establish a baseline of data. When the participant presses the red button by their door, a program assistant will escort them back to their room.
11:30 am: Survey
After opening and testing each sample, participants will rank each sample via the survey they will receive in the email that they provided on their application forms. This survey must be completed, or the participant will be removed from the program. This survey aims to gauge scent compatibility and potential matches. This is only one of the data points used in the final matching calculation.
12:00 pm: Lunch
3:30 pm: Event #2 - Attraction Testing & Survey
Participants will remain in their rooms. Each participant will be sent a survey to the email they provided on their application forms. In this survey, participants will find cropped images of various facial features. The photos used are not of participants but have been chosen based on similarities to participants. This survey must be completed, or the participant will be removed from the program. This survey aims to gauge the possible physical attraction levels between participants. This is only one of the data points used in the final matching calculation.
6:30 pm: Event #3 - Pairing Call #2
Participants will remain in their rooms. Once all participants are served dinner, the phones in their rooms will ring. Participants will be connected to another participant on the line. Pairings are made based on the data collected on intake forms regarding designation, designation of interest, personality, values, interests, and hobbies. Participants will not be able to see one another and may choose to reveal any information they would like. Consider this a true “blind” date over your provided dinner. Participants are welcome to remain on the line until 10:00 pm.
10:15 pm: Survey
After participants have finished their pairing calls, they will be sent a survey to the email they provided on their application forms. This survey must be completed, or the participant will be removed from the program. This survey aims to gauge the success of the call and whether the pairing is a potential match. This is only one of the data points used in the final matching calculation.
End Of Itinerary - Participants may enjoy free time in their rooms.
“Looks like it’s going to be a long day….” Bucky mutters to himself before sighing and heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
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Anxiously, you wait at your door. It’s precisely 10 am, and your curiosity and nerves have gotten the best of you already as you feel as though you have been waiting for a lifetime.
Finally, there is a knock at the door, and you swing it open without hesitation. Luke, your only form of consistency in this whole endeavor is waiting for you.
“Hi! Are you ready?” he asks, smiling when he sees you so excited and obviously having been waiting for him.
“Yes! Thank you!”
The two of you make small talk about how you’ve settled in, but you choose to leave out the details of your awful first call to save yourself from embarrassment.
Eventually, one set of stairs and a few hallways later, you enter the facility’s more medical and laboratory-looking area through two large clinical-looking doors.
“Don’t worry- I know it looks a little scary, but it’s just set up this way in case we’d have a scent leak or something,” Luke says as the omega to omega senses you both share tell him you’re nervous.
Finding the right pod, Luke tells you to head in and hit the red button once you’re done, assuring you he’ll be there as soon as you need him. Again, you thank him for being so kind and helpful before going inside.
The pod is a small room that is more akin to a closet. There is a small desk with a nice comfortable chair, and on the table lies some scrap paper, a pencil, and ten small pill bottle-sized containers filled with some sort of translucent liquid, the thickness of corn syrup, and just barely tinted blue, inside them.
You walk over and sit down in the chair, studying all the samples and looking for any noticeable differences besides the labels numbering each one. Then, picking one up, you bring it closer to your nose and realize you can’t smell anything, noting that the containers must have some form of odor protectant to prevent the scents from mixing too much.
One by one, you take your time opening each individual container and taking in the scent of the mystery liquid inside. Each scent is different from the others, some sweet, some musky, some smokey, and so on, some even having a pleasant mix of the bunch.
Knowing you will have to rank them shortly, you try to determine what order they will fall. You quickly determine which ones to put very first and very last. And after deciding on the remainder of your lineup, you pull out your phone to complete the survey.
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Before you hit the red button at the bottom of the page, you look down at the container labeled with the number eight again and unashamedly reach for it. Opening it, you take one last smell of the alluring scent reminding you of something musky mixed with sandalwood and the occasional note of some sort of clean herbal scent you can’t quite put your finger on as well- It can’t be eucalyptus- maybe pine? No, it’s quite that strong, You think to yourself. But, whatever it may be, the scent stirs something familiar within your heart. Despite being unable to recall why or how you know this scent, all you know is that you’d be quite happy smelling it for the rest of your life, in your home and your nest, on your skin; you could settle into it quite nicely.
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Attraction Testing. Bucky reads over the description curiously, nose still overwhelmed from the amount of scenting he did today. The concept seemed strange to him, unable to imagine any of the girls he had dated back in the 40s. He wonders if he had a “type” or a feature he was particularly drawn to.
“Think, Bucky, what do you like?” he mumbles to himself, trying to imagine his “ideal” partner. Too many features flash through his mind to determine which ones he prefers. They are all so different, and he finds himself loving the beauty in that alone.
As he thinks, his phone dings indicating the attraction testing and survey have arrived. He sighs wearily and picks up his phone to open the message.
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Bucky reads over his answer several times before submitting it, the statement seeming dumb but the truth nevertheless. He honestly was at a loss of how to narrow down all the things he found attractive in one person. Since being rehabilitated and seeing the state of the world, he was astounded by the diversity of people he saw and the beauty behind it all. Bucky never said it out loud, knowing it would be the butt of the joke for months around the compound, but he truly felt like everyone was beautiful. So besides the hopes of some pretty eyes to stare into and soft skin to hold gently, he didn’t really care what his match looked like. But he did hope they liked him- scars and all, he shudders internally before deciding to leave that bridge to cross once he gets there.  
After hitting the submit button, Bucky begins to click through the slides of photographs, rating preference levels on a scale from 1 to 10. The whole thing makes him feel a little uneasy, but he completes the entire survey regardless.
Once he is done, he tosses his phone down onto the bed next to him with a large sigh. Laying on his back and looking up at the ceiling, he calculates that there are now less than three hours until his next call. With the data the programmers have collected from his last call, the scenting test, and this attraction test, he hopes this call will go better than the first. He hates to admit it, but without Steve, Sam, and the rest of the crew popping up randomly to bug him, staying in the suite has started to feel a little lonely.
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You pace back and forth in your suite. This call has to go better, right? You ask yourself as you walk. I mean, it can’t get much worse… you try to reason.
After the scenting and attraction testing today, the hopelessness of your last call stopped weighing so heavily on your shoulders. Of course, you are still nervous, but you realize one stupid jerk isn’t worth throwing this opportunity away. You came here looking for a mate, a true mate, someone you would love unconditionally, someone who would love you unconditionally as well, someone you would be able to spend the rest of your life with. You hoped more than anything that that person was here.
The clock ticks continuously as you ignore your food for the phone and count down like the ticks. Any second now.
And then it rings.
You watch it for a moment, suddenly realizing that maybe you don’t want to know what’s waiting for you on the other side.
It rings again and again, and you know you need to pick it up before the line disconnects.
Reaching out, your hands shake as you slowly pick up the phone. Raising it to your ear, you take a deep breath. “Hello?”
“Uhm- hi… I’m Bucky.”
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Tag List: @dadplease​ // @connie326​ // @winters1917​ // @babybunnyblossom // @falling-solar-system​ // @5ini5ster // @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer​ // @mousee555​ // @sergntbarnes​ // @rebekahdawkins​ // @saiyanprincessswanie​ // @mugi-chwan95​ // @marvel-fanfic-writer-8675​ // @beabutterfly987​ // @dottirose​ // @ginger-swag-rapunzel​ // @bryceisalegend // @vicmc624​ // @here4thespice // @hawkeyes-queen // @daddys-littlewhitegirl​ // @justbehindmyself​
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kylejsugarman · 21 hours
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how does baby do during her first semester of college, when she’s just 17? how do jesse and demi adjust to having no kid at home?
oughhh ive always hesitated to talk about this specific transition because its so tough for all parties involved......like yay super close family unit formed :) oh god the linear nature of growth and change :( they try to plan it all out and prepare Really well for the moment where jesse and demi leave campus after moving her in and baby stays behind to start school so that it's a "clean break", but it lasts like. the road trip back home. before baby calls like (1 million bad feelings too big to express) "I Want To Come Home" and it's nearly impossible for both of them to not be like "yes ma'am right away" (gets right back into the car for the 12 hour drive) because they also want her to come home. its been just the three of them for so long that its so hard to suddenly split up and deal with that sudden change when part of the comfort of their family was that like. there didnt Have to be dramatic life changes anymore
demi has more experience with the transition to college life, so she's the one who helps baby deal with not having as Consistent of a routine and adjusting to living with a roommate when theyre both people who value having their own private space. baby misses structure and familiarity and doesnt leave her dorm room for anything other than class for almost the entire first semester because the newness of campus is too overwhelming and she doesnt have any solid points of contact. demi completely sympathizes and tries her best to consistently coax baby out of her dorm over the phone and advises her to consider joining a study group for her favorite class, which ends up being the jumping off point for baby actually meeting some people and leaving her room. jesse feels bad that he cant offer more concrete support and advice like demi, but his emotional support is crucial to her even surviving that scary first semester. he'll drop everything to talk on the phone with her no matter the time of day, giving her that safe and familiar base to return to, and its not uncommon for her to ask him to stay on the phone with her until she falls asleep, especially during those early weeks. he only ever posts mail under demi's name just out of paranoia, but he sends her lots of letters that are mostly just doodles and brief tangents and physical photos of the dogs, all of which end up hung on her walls to comfort her. she relies A Lot on them that first year and they're happy to help her: baby is a kid who Needs support and they provide it because they love her and want her to feel like she can pursue her dreams with room and cushioning to fail and fall.
as for jesse and demi being empty-nesters, it's just really Weird at first. they're obviously doing a lot of parenting from a distance and they initially talk about baby all the time out of their joint concern for her wellbeing, but it's odd not having her there. they were also kind of relying on a routine that's now gone. demi's depression resurges and she loses interest in all of her hobbies, letting her garden grow over. she just feels really lost and directionless: taking care of baby and being her guardian was demi's New purpose after losing the rest of her family. jesse backslides some, smoking All The Time since they dont have to worry about indoor smoke triggering baby's asthma and getting high with mason pretty frequently rather than just occasionally. he needs a distraction from the hole in his life, the huge amount of loss he'd incurred that had later been filled by demi and of course baby. that was his buddy :( his best friend. it's tough for both of them to confront and express these feelings, but they've gotten a little better at being Open over the years. sheila drags them out of the house as often as possible to hang out with her and her wife so theyre not just sitting around feeling sad. she basically instructs them to make more friends and strengthen their preexisting friendships (sheila knows best, after all) and just keep enjoying life. they're still young!! they're not even 40 yet!!!!! hanging out with other people definitely helps, but just having each other during that time is the most potent method of coping. not having baby there for the first time Ever in their relationship makes both jesse and demi realize how much they love one another and how closely their lives and hearts are now intertwined. its a really hard time for everyone involved, but by the time winter break rolls around, all three of them are definitely in a better place than where they started :)
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my-cursed-prince · 2 months
Text
Sunday Excerpts, Poisonous Medicine, Ch. 27, pt. IV
@vsnotresponding @wheredidmymotivationgo @on-noon @doriians @camillenrose @olive-riggzey
"Doc said that I need three meals with this leg. You would have me starve, Min?"
I hang my head. "Sure. Couldn't have that. Alright, I'll show you around."
Winola smirks, and she adjusts her crutches. "Lead the way."
"Okay, so this is the living room that we're headed into. Where you'll be sleeping with Ellen only--"
Ellen frowns, mumbling "Meanie," under her breath.
"The kitchen and eating area are combined. You can eat whatever, but try to be mindful. Pat struggles to make ends meet."
"Does Orem work too?"
"Uh..." I look to Ellen, not sure what to say. I'm actually not sure of the Viran typical customs for adults working with kids. In the fourth caste, kids work next to their parents. In Vira, I think I've heard of some parents staying home with kids, but I also think I've heard of two parents working.
"He watches Charlie and the kids! He's a house husband, and Sunya is paid to help out too!"
"Got it," Winola says, but I can tell that she doesn't like the answer. Given where she was before, I don't really blame her.
"Orem is really good. It's nice having him around. It's like having a cool older brother."  Winola relaxes slightly and nods. "Anyway, in the kitchen is a telephone. If you need a private conversation, you can always ask whoever is there to clear out."
"I have no one to call," Winola says with a somewhat forced nonchalant shrug.
“If Jing calls you up–”
“Then he can get ignored.”
“He can’t do his job if you ignore him. He’s not that bad."
"He could do better," Winola snaps.
I restrain a sigh. I used to kick Jing's desk as my weekly, nearly daily, greeting. So I suppose I can't judge. "Jing probably will check in on you. Just clear the room out or keep people there, whatever you feel comfortable with. But if you want it cleared out--" I glare at Ellen. "Ellen knows not to eaves drop, don’t you?”
Ellen’s head bobs up and down with wide and too innocent eyes. Winola shakes her head, but her features soften. I don’t think she completely hates Jing. It’s impossible. I may have kicked Jing's desk, but I didn't hate him. I simply wanted to see how far I could push him until he hated me.
My mind flits to our conversation in the hospital and the calls that have rung my phone. I suspect they're from Jing, but I've ignored him. He still calls though, each morning. And even if I ignore him, I know with each sunrise, he'll be there.
I'll call him back or visit his office eventually. Thank him. Bring him some brownies. No. That's mortifying. Kick his desk. I don't know. Avoid eye-contact, as I admit I have been full-heartedly ignoring his advice. Kicking his deck feels good for old times sake.
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nickibun · 2 months
Text
January 31st, 2024
12:12 PM
Café on Fifth Ave
— ed log:
Jasmine Tea | 0 cal
Latte w/ Almond Milk | 130 cal
— usage + mood:
i’m feeling still today. granted, i took 1 mg of kpin and a bit of doc before bed last night, then a bit more this morning. also 10 mg of adderall to balance it out. thought i’d be able to make it to class this morning. obviously, i didn’t.
i’m sitting in a cafe sipping this latte trying to find the will power to sit in a classroom with my peers. my professor hasn’t seen me since two weeks ago. i keep telling myself im ok, and i truly think i am, but whenever someone asks i suddenly break down.
— daily log:
yesterday, i woke up next to 'A'. we rolled around in bed, and cuddled, and pillow talked. i really started to believe i could open up to her. we've been talking for about three months, on & off.
i am beginning to really like her. i introduced her to some of my friends the night prior. we went to a party and had a great time. sneaking off into corners, doing bumps of blow + making out was my favorite part. the stares we'd get were a close second.
we're both fashion students, but shes a bit older. ive been skeptical as to whether she really likes me at all, but that night seemed to confirm it.
once the party began to wind down, things got a bit strange. id rather not relive it so lets leave it at that. i told her i wanted to leave. so we did. hopped in a cab back to my friend's place, grabbed my tito's and went to mine.
we kissed and laughed in the cab. we took our clothes off and snuggled in my bed. once the energy was right, i lit candles and played the right music. ate her out for an hour until she came all over my sheets. her moans live in my mind.
we took a bath together, giddy yet calm conversation amongst candles in the dark.
"we complement each other well" she said.
as she dozed off while i caressed her back, i couldn't help but realize i might be falling.
i went to the bathroom to get high again.
the next morning, she wakes up around 8:30 am.
im already up, crying on the phone to my best friend about who knows what. as well as starting an argument with my friends from the party. my energy is heavy again.
'A' texts me from my bedroom, "did you sleep at all?"
i quickly rush out of the bathroom, my pupils pinned and eyelids heavy,
"of course dear, i got up early. i didn't mean to scare you."
she raises her arms out of the blanket, signaling me to give her a hug. she can see ive been crying. we laugh and pillow talk all morning. we talk lightheartedly about our trauma, childhoods, and she tells me she really likes getting to know me when i show vulnerability.
the juxtaposition of morning sun on our skin, what others would deem dark topics while we laughed and cuddled and kissed make it impossible to not love her. ive never felt more comfortable or genuine with a girl before. she sees me. i see her.
my soul feels light once again.
we get coffee, she leaves for therapy at 11:30, kisses me good bye. calls minutes later to see if she forgot something. comes back. as i open the door she says she had found it but came to kiss me again.
my heart is numb but if it could, i knew it'd be fluttering.
hours pass, we both have class. speak at five, with no demise. then at nine, i begin to whine. paranoia creeps in. theres nothing wrong, except that the days been too long.
"whatre ya doing?"
she doesnt respond.
"never mind then"
i call her, she declines.
"im on the train."
i check her location,
shes a few blocks from mine.
i check again;
she turns it off.
im getting high again. i call my best friend and cry again. my energy defaults, heavy once again.
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theclosetedskeleton · 7 months
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(had to send this here because it goes past the discord character limits) haiiii just a little reminder that;
 i love you. more than words and numbers combined can describe, and i mean that. you are genuinely the most amazing human ive ever met and im so fucking happy that youre just here. you fill my mind 24/7 and i cant get you out of my thoughts. anything you do, no matter how small you think it is, makes me smile. you just make me so insanely happy by just being here, and when i say happy i mean it. i havent felt such happiness like this. you make me want to psychically implode(/extremely pos) because of how giddy you make me. i care about you so much and i can never go an hour without thinking about how youre doing. you are really important to me. youre my everything, the light of my life, and i wouldnt want anyone else here to fill that role except for you. i would do anything, everything, and all the things i could possibly (or impossibly) do just to make you happy. whether that ranges from creating another separate milky way just with my mind or by finding you a song you cant find. if itll make you happy im already doing it. i will always and i mean ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what. the time, place, mood im in, it doesnt matter. if you need me i will be there. and if theres a time you need me and im asleep? dont be scared to call and hangup after so my phone ringing will wake me up. i may not be there physically with you, but i will try my very best to be with you whenever i can online. i could legitimately listen to you ramble all fucking day. it doesnt matter if i even know anything about what you want to ramble about, if you want to talk about it i am always here to listen. you deserve everything you want and more. you deserve the whole world and i will do my best to give it to you. i really am the luckiest person in the world just to even know you. if i could, i would make all the bad things disappear without a trace. and i know this weeks been pretty rough, and im sorry you have to deal with me just being bleh, but i really appreciate you being here. it means more to me then youll ever know. i really hope we last longer than forever. you mean everything to me.
i love you ezra <33333/gen/qp
AWWWWWJSKWHWJSMNS !!!!!!!!! GRINNING SO SOSOSO HARD RIGHT NOW <33333333333
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!! SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSOO SOOO MUCH LIKE I CANT. COMPREHEND OR DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I DO AND I DONT THINK ANYONE CAN. !!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME LIKE. THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE JUST BY EXISTING!!!!!! I LITERALLY MEAN THAT!!!! THERE DOESNT GO A SINGLE DAY WITHOUT ME SMILING BECAUSE OF YOU!!,, THIS I S GONNA SOUND REALLY REALLY CLICHÉ BUT NOBODY HAS MADE ME FEEL LIKE THIS (IN A /VVVVVVVVPOS WAY !!!)!!!! YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING AWESOME WONDERFUL KINDEST ANY OTHER WORD THAT FITS PERSON EVER.!!!!!!!!!!!YOURE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, THE STARS THE MOON, EVERYTHING !!!!!!!! EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND IM SO HAPPY I GET ANOTHER DAY TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO GIDDY BY LITERALLY DOING NOTHING OH MY GOD <33333!!!!!! ITHINK ABOUT YOU LIKE ALL THE TIME, THERE NEVER GOES A SINGLE DAY WHERE I DONT THINK ABOUT YOU OR WHAT YOURE DOING OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU !!!!! <3333333 I CARE ABOUT YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH. I MEAN THIS, <333 I WOULD DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR YOU, EVEN IF IT WERE JUST TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE EASIER!!!!!!!! YOU CAN ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS TELL ME ANYTHING !! WHATEVERS BOTHERING YOU AND WHATNOT, EVEN IF ITS THE TINIEST THING!!! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING; THE SKY THE WORLD THE MOON THE STARS THE EVERYTHING!!!! AND SOME MORE !!! AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GIVE IT TO YOU <33333 I WISH I COULD JUST. SNAP MY FINGERS AND YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE THING AGAIN IF I COULD ID ERASE ALL OF YOUR TROUBLES.!!!!! I HOPE WE LAST LONGER THAN FOREVER, AND LONGER THAN THAT !!!!!
(ALSO ITS ALRIGHT, DW!!!!!!)
I LOVE YOU TOO RICKY <3333333!!!!!!!!!GEN/QP
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builder051 · 2 years
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For the 200/300 word things, I have two ideas, both for tube verse. One, Steve having an NJ for some reason (maybe pre J-tube?) and throwing it up. It's happened to me a couple times and is not fun. Or two, something more slice-of-life-y where something goes wrong with Steve's health and James is sending messages through the portal, but is getting no response. I hope you feel better and things get easier! I love your writing <3
Thanks!
This tidbit will have to be scheduled very precisely on the timeline.
If you're familiar with what I've already set up for We fit like an Enfit (Tube 'verse), this is basically right after Steve has his initial appointment with a PCP--who kindly walks him down the hall to the check-in desk for the emergency room. Doctors tend to do that when people show up with life-threatening symptoms.
He hasn't gotten back together with James yet (they're like, post-breakup friends who are really still in love and both are super sore about it). Steve's still (supposed to be) working regular daytime hours in the office, and Darcy is the world's worst HR rep, along with the other positions she covers.
_____________________________________
Steve's glad the nurse has taken his left arm as real estate for the IV. That means he can still scroll through his phone with relative ease. He keeps his elbow tucked close so nobody can snag his dominant arm away. He already has a tube up his nose for quick-start nutrition. But apparently he needs sugar, salt, and sterile water pumped into
"Ow--" Steve grits his teeth and goes back to holding still as the needle makes contact under his wrist bone.
"I'm gonna call somebody," Steve says, trying not to slur around the NJ. He swallows on autopilot, as if the outsized, undercooked spaghetti noodle will go down like swallowed pasta should. But the tube stays resolute. And positively nauseating.
Steve scrolls to Darcy's contact and selects the call icon, then uses the tips of his fingers to hold the phone to his ear without jostling the warm blanket or the gloved fingers of the nurse now placing tegaderm and tape over the fresh line.
"What?" Darcy answers, sounding perturbed. "It's 5:02. You called my desk phone. I'm off work."
"You picked up. I just have to tell you--"
"Well, I knew it was you, or I wouldn't have picked up." Steve hears the telltale creak of Darcy leaning back in her swivel chair. "So give me the deets. How was your appointment? What did they say?"
"That's what..." Steve pauses and swallows again. The tube down his throat makes it impossible to feel anything in the esophagus. But there was definitely a twinge. Somewhere under his diaphragm. Somewhere that tended to reverse courses and turn out messes.
He breathes, then tries to explain. "Once I answered the, like, wellness questions, and she took my vitals, the doctor said I needed to be admitted."
"You have been really sick." Steve imagines Darcy putting her feet up on the desk. "But to be in the hospital? That's shitty."
"Is there, like, paperwork?" Steve barely gets the words out. Whatever was caught in his diaphragm is in his ribcage, and he can feel, in addition to the next pending heave, a painful scrape working its way up the side of his throat.
"I'd have to look that up," Darcy says. Then, "Are you ok?"
Steve can't attend to his phone anymore. He's already spitting bile, and when the end of the tube languishes its way out, covered in snot and spit, the sudden emptiness brings a rolling gag. Steve clutches his gut and squeezes his eyes shut. He coughs. Then retches again.
Steve digs in the side of the bed for the nurse call button.
"How may I help you?" someone asks from what sounds like the other end of a walkie-talkie.
"Um--" Steve starts.
"Were you talking on the phone to your girlfriend and you done dropped it?"
"What?" Steve stifles a belch and wipes his mouth on his freshly placed IV. "Ouch." Only then does he realize that his call to Darcy is still connected, even though his phone is on the floor now.
"Steve? Hey! It's not funny!" Her voice sounds shrill and tinny with the room's terrible acoustics. Steve feels terrible for giving her what was probably the shock of a lifetime.
"Honey?" the walkie-talkie voice prompts.
"Oh. Yeah." Steve will go along with it. "And I puked up my tube."
"We'll get you set up again. Don't you worry. And tell your girlfriend I said that!"
"Sure." Steve goes for a deep breath, but he can't stop himself from laughing a little.
"What?" he can hear Darcy demanding from the floor. "What's so funny?"
"I'll tell you later," Steve says. "It's a great story; I'm sure you'll love it."
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ofprythian · 2 years
Text
☾— half alive
he looked like hell. the incessant beeping of machines, the sterile scent of hospital starting to make her head dizzy. all the rest was quiet aside from the hushed voices of nurses and doctors she heard every once in awhile, a cup still full of coffee on the table beside his bed. she knew she couldn’t have looked much better, long tendrils of hair falling around her face unkempt and messy. tear stained cheeks, puffy irritated skin and all she had on was her skirt and his shirt that he been discarded beside it. all she had deemed to throw on as the paramedics ushered her away, it was a miracle she even had done even that considering the state she had been in. still was. it was impossible for her to take her eyes off of him all hooked up to those machines. iv’s and cords scattered around him like a web, how he looked just a little too pale. at least his lips looked normal again, she would take small favors.
her smaller fingers curled protectively, tightly around his large ones. being careful of the iv’s. afraid of letting go. afraid of losing him. eyes scanning him over and over again, wondering how the night had gone so wrong. still felt the remnants of their impassioned activities between her thighs, inside of her. brows furrowing and eyes closing softly. tiredly. heart aching in her chest. ana was terrified, so much so, that she was thankful the fear hadn’t paralyzed her. hadn’t stopped her from getting him help. the needle, the spoon, the lighter scattered on the floor. had she been so oblivious? or was he that good at hiding it? probably, both. she realized. even if she had known something wasn’t right since she stepped through his door. it had all come blaring like the headlights of a semi truck aiming right for her that he was dying, slipping away from her as the seconds passed. somehow her body had moved her to find a phone, fumbling and messy, scared as she clicked in 911. how tightly she gripped it while she kept calling for him, begging him to wake up. luke, luke, luke. hadn’t even felt the tears wetting her skin until later. 
“i’m not ready to say goodbye yet.” 
the pain had rang through her louder than a clocktower bell. she couldn’t find the will to care about herself right now. as her adoring eyes peered up at the boy that had burrowed his way into her soul, had made her want to focus more on reality than any fictional world she was consuming with her mind. how she needed him. all of her craving just to be near. woven directly around her big thumping heart. the way he made her feel so vividly alive. the understanding and comfort, heated serenity. the warmth that poured through her every time she was around him or even just thought about him. how the fear of losing him had overtaken her entire being, it had changed her. wrapped her in knowing and above all, resolve.  it had become so clear. she would stay with him for as long as they would allow her, help him in whatever ways she could, never let go of his hand. he hadn't told her for a reason and while it was impossible for her to know all of them she could assume a few. especially as her fingertips slowly, gently ran down and up his forearm past the marks that marred his skin. only now seeing them for what they were, that feeling bubbled in her throat, made her eyes burn. she couldn’t stop trying to soothe him still.
"please be okay," she whispered, softly horse and cracked. "please let him be okay." she wasn't sure if she was talking to him or whoever, whatever, might be listening to her silent pleas. her chair scooted closer and her head fell against the hospital bed, against him. i won’t leave him, i won’t let him go. it was a promise, a binding, as if it had been inked on her skin.
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collecting-stories · 3 years
Text
Jellyfish - JJ Maybank
Request: Hey! I was wondering or you could do an outer banks imagine where like in season one the pogues leave kie, Sarah and reader on a boat, and the reader is the one getting stung by a jellyfish. The night goes on and she starts having an allergic reaction the jellyfish sting and her breathing starts to go bad and all dizzy. The girls have to call a mayday. And the sherif/ambulance boat? Comes and gets her or the pogues come back the next morning and she is not well at all. Then hospital. The pogues feel really badx Maybe reader x jj?  
A/N: I just started a rewatch of s1 tonight so I can finally watch s2...also I googled allergic reactions to a jellyfish sting for this. 
Outer Banks Masterlist
✰ ✰ ✰ ✰
Sarah stood beside you, practically holding you up, as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the marsh for the fifth time in so many minutes. The boys plan to strand Sarah and Kiara on the boat hadn’t been a very clever one and when you had protested JJ had jokingly pushed you over the edge of the HMS, claiming that now you too were stranded with them. 
It wasn’t exactly how you’d planned to spend your night, especially with everyone on each other’s nerves as severely as they were, you’d been looking forward to taking advantage of that and spending the night back at your house with JJ. Instead, you were stranded on Heyward’s boat with Kiara and Sarah bitching at each other. Not to mention the angry red mark blossoming over your stomach from the jellyfish that had stung you as you’d tread water earlier.  
“I thought you said you could fix this stupid piece of shit!” Sarah shouted to Kiara as she rubbed her hand along your back. The juxaposition of her kindness to you and her edgyness with Kiara wasn’t lost on you...even as you felt your head swimming.  
“I gotta lay down,” you urged, hands gripping the edge of the boat as you rested your chin against the cool side, staring into the murky water. It was starting to get darker outside but you weren’t paying attention to that anymore. You felt like you were going to throw up again though this time it felt prompted by the dizzy feeling when you moved your head and not the pain shooting through your abdomen.  
“Okay, let’s lay down...do you want a blanket or something?” Sarah asked, eyes darting around the boat to check for any spare blankets or sweatshirts.
You shook your head, immediately regretting the action as your vision blurred. “No...no, it’s so hot.” When you struggled to get JJ’s shirt over your head without moving too much, Sarah grabbed the hem of the shirt and eased it up.  
“She doesn’t need your help!” Kiara yelled from the hatch, looking out at you with concern. You’d been fine earlier, before you’d boarded the boat with them, before the jellyfish stung you, but now you were doing worse and worse. She was trying to fix the boat but it was obvious that JJ and John B’s genius plan had included purposely sabotaging any chance they had of getting the boat back to shore.  
“Obviously, she does!” Sarah shouted back, “she’s puking over the side of the fucking boat! What was in that shit you rolled anyway?”
Kiara looked incredulous at the suggestion that it was the weed they’d smoked that made you like this, “oh cause I poisoned my best friend with weed? Is that it?”  
“Maybe!” Sarah shrugged, “how should I know.”
“Not helping,” you groaned, rolling to the side and pressing your hand against your stomach. “Kie...my stomach is killing me.”  
“What can I do?” She asked, coming back over to you and Sarah.  
“Call for the coast guard or something?” Sarah suggested, looking out over the marsh as if someone would just happen to be driving through. It was pitch black now, the night falling completely. It wasn’t too late yet, close to 9:30p Sarah supposed, but she wasn’t confident that this could last until morning. Who knew when the boys would come back?
“With what phone Sarah? The tower is down.”  
“Swim to shore or something then!” She snapped.
“Sure, no problem...why didn’t I think of that? I’ll jump in the fucking marsh in the pitch black and swim toward what I think might be land!” Kiara shouted.
“Guys,” you snapped, pulling yourself up to the edge of the ship again. You felt like you were going to throw up again but there wasn’t anything left in your stomach, “shut the fuck up! You aren’t helping...I know they messed with the boat, is the radio working?”
“Let me check.” Kiara stood up from your side and headed back to the controls, checking the radio. “I’ve got a signal!”  
You weren’t sure how long it took between Kiara signaling a mayday and the police boat actually coming out on the marsh because you passed out soon after she’d gotten the signal, slumped against Sarah, the pain in your side and abdomen too much for you to bear. Neither of the girls wanted to leave you overnight in the hospital, worried something would happen the second they left your side, so Kiara scribbled a note and left it taped to the window of the boat.  
Gone to the hospital – was all it said. Not very descriptive but extremely alarming, the boys had arrived at the emergency room frantic.  
“What the fuck kind of scare tactic was that Kie!” JJ had shouted down the hallway when he saw his friend outside one of the rooms. A nurse down the same hall shushed him as he passed her and he turned around to flip her off.  
“Excuse me but you three deserve it after the shit you pulled! Leaving us stranded out there with no communication? You’re lucky the radio worked.” Sarah hissed, shoving JJ when he tried to get passed her into the room.  
The second he’d seen her it had been clear the person who was missing, the one who was undoubtedly in the hospital bed in the room he was standing outside of. You’d gotten hurt, seriously if you were here, if they’d had to mayday a police boat.
“What happened?” Pope asked, quieter than his best friend had been able to muster.
“She’s allergic to jellyfish.” Sarah replied, turning a glare on JJ, “when this moron pushed her in the water she got stung and had a reaction.”  
“Is she okay?”
“She’ll be alright...she’s dehydrated though, so she’s on fluids for the rest of the – JJ!” Kiara snapped when he pushed passed her to get into the room. He moved the curtain aside to see you there, still a little out of it from the exhaustion of the night before but you smiled when you saw him.  
“Hey,” he dropped his voice down to a whisper, a contrast to the sharp scrap of the chair that he dragged to your bedside, “I’m so sorry.”
“Guess I’m allergic to something after all.” You managed to tease, recalling the conversation you’d had a few weeks earlier when JJ had begrudgingly given up the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he was trying to make at John B’s when you reminded him that he was highly allergic to peanuts.
He’d claimed that “maybe it went away”, a possibility you both knew to be impossible while you told him that you weren’t stabbing him with an epi-pen if he had an allergic reaction. “I would stab you, if you were allergic to anything,” JJ had replied, settling for jelly on toast instead. 
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” JJ said now, eyeing the bag of fluids that was connected to you via IV. “I would’ve been fine thinking you didn’t have any allergies.” 
“It’s not your fault JJ, it was an accident...I could’ve been stung a million times before this, we literally live on the coast.” You tried to laugh and coughed; throat still sore. JJ grabbed for the pitcher of water at your bedside and poured you a glass, leaning over to help you swallow.  
“Yeah but you didn't get stung a million times before this...you got stung after I pushed you in!”
“We should let you get some rest,” Pope’s voice sounded over JJ’s shoulder and you both looked over to where he was standing at the curtain. He smiled at you, a silent ‘glad you’re okay’ and ‘sorry’ rolled into one.  
You nodded, more than aware that you were on the verge of falling asleep again. Still, you reached for your boyfriend’s hand, settling for his wrist instead as he was still holding the plastic cup. “Will you stay?” you asked, eyes meeting JJ’s.  
“Yeah, of course.” He promised, sitting back down, “I’m not going anywhere.” He didn’t mention the absolute panic that had racked through him when he saw Kiara’s note or realized you were the one that was injured and he definitely didn’t tell you how severely he blamed himself for you getting stung in the first place, instead he just sat there holding your hand and promising that he would stay there with you until you were discharged. “Everything’s okay, you’re okay.”  
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