#but it doesn’t even do that well past the cgi... the plot made no goddamn sense

[saintsorrels]

Was dragged to see the new godzilla movie. As expected, it was visually impressive but that’s about it

#i try not to judge it too harshly bc the whole point of the movie was just. smashing big monsters together #but it doesn’t even do that well past the cgi... the plot made no goddamn sense #but in a kinda a funny way. and there were men with earrings so it had that going for it #lula rambles

[tsuki-sennin]

Mina-san, bonne lecture~! (Tsuki recaps his feelings about Kamen Rider Saber, a personal essay.)

So, Saber... what a wild ride it's been, huh? Just a quick heads up, this is very long and rambling, and also contains spoilers for everything in Saber. It's fine if you don't wanna read all this, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.

TL:DR, Kamen Rider Saber's an undercooked hot mess I absolutely adore, warts and all.

Speaking as objectively as possible, it's a 6/10. Probably closer to a 5 than a 7... it's not great: All the different plot elements are cluttered and weirdly paced; character focus is disjointed and clearly biased toward certain characters, leaving great ones like Kento and Ogami, interesting ones like Kamijo and Hayato, and underdeveloped ones like Sophia and especially the Shindais in the dust; not to mention its balance of comedy and drama is off, and while both are very effective, there's a lot of mood whiplash that can take you out of the story. I also feel like a lot of the easily avoidable character conflict could've been easily resolved, even in universe, by simple conversations. Be careful Fukuda, I think Inoue might sue you if he finds out you've been biting his style and doing it worse.

Rider shows have a very frustrating tendency to drop cool form ideas and not do anything with them, and I don't think it's ever been more the case than with Saber. There's a similar argument to be made with the majority of Heisei Phase 2 after Gaim, but wow. The suits are expensive to make without just straight up recycling everything, I get that, but man, I really wanted to see more Wonder Rider forms. How come Touma got all the fun, eh? Of note are the Blades King of Arthur forms (which look amazing by the way), Espada's Jaaku Dragon forms (one of which I even drew last night), even the non-elemental random Wonder Ride Books all have awesome design elements that go tragically unused. Even if the other Swordsmen just kinda have the ones they do get to use slapped onto them, that's at least something. Touma also just straight up only uses Diago Speedy twice and never again. You have cool props guys, don't waste them like that!

Speaking of waste, Espada, goddamn. Since most of the Wonder Ride Books are Story Type and he needs one very specific Story Book to transform, he doesn't get much of... anything, really! No Wonder Rider forms like Blades, Lamp Do Cerberus being exclusive to Ganbarizing, only getting to use the Ride Gatriker like once, he even spends the second and third arcs as a completely different Rider, then once he comes back he doesn't get a King of Arthur-granted upgrade or even a Necrom Espada form. ...at least, not yet anyway. I'm holding out hope for Espada x Necrom and the eventual Saber V-Cinemas. Extra Rider stans, we will be well respected someday.

The Unreal Engine CGI used for fights in early Chapters was pretty good but wow it feels disconnected and they really drop it quick. I feel like if the animators had more freedom to use as many forms as they want, we'd have gotten a lot more mileage out of the books beyond... decoration basically. I actually really liked the CGI sequences, they felt creative and were fun to follow along with.

The soundtrack is pretty great on its own and conveys what it needs to, but they seriously overplay the orchestral themes. It honestly feels kind of... stock at times. I think my favorite parts of the score are when it winds down, since it feels a lot more natural and lets the cinematographers and actors speak for themselves.

As awesome as I think Falchion's design and the Mumeiken Kyomu are, The Phoenix Swordsman and the Book of Ruin comes up short as its own standalone thing. You'd think 30 or so minutes of non-stop action would be awesome, and it almost is? It's as good as a typical episode of the series with a higher action budget, but it kinda drags on a bit too long; and although I think Emotional Dragon looks cool, it feels a bit tacked on. Coming off of the incredible Zero-One REAL×TIME, it doesn't give you much room to breathe, which Rider films are typically great at handling. I also thought the resolution for the kid's subplot was kinda forced. He does an okay job at acting considering his age and doesn't overstay his welcome, but I really don't see how 20 minutes of violence and action is enough to convince him to be brave enough to go play with the other kids. 5/10, it's closer to a 4 than a 6 and I think that maybe Zero-One should've stood on its own if they really had to push back Kiramager Bee-Bop Dream because of the pandemic.

Alright, with all that said... As imperfect and undercooked Saber was, like Ghost I can consider it a personal favorite, 10/10. Call it a guilty pleasure if you want, but holy hell it's just the show I needed. Takuro Fukuda has a talent for creating fun, wonderful characters and utterly fascinating worldbuilding and concepts. It's a shame he doesn't utilize them fully, but hey!

The action and fight choreography are pretty top notch as usual. Lots of beautiful shot composition and set pieces, and plenty of great angles to help keep up with the extra busy action. I love watching the suit actors perform and they deserve all the respect in the world for their hard work in those hot, sweaty, and heavy costumes. Their visual design is also top notch, with lots of unique and fascinating forms and cool weapons I desperately want to play with despite being broke, all with spectacular finishers and hype jingles with the voice of Akio motherfucking Ohtsuka calling them out. A real feast for the eyes. Not a single bad suit among them, yeah I said it, fight me.

The crossover specials are soooo good too.

-I went over my feelings on the Zenkaiger crossover episodes in a separate post (good luck finding that btw), but to sum it up, they were great character moments for Zox and the Shindai siblings with lots of great screwball comedy and some good old fashioned meta humor.

-The Ghost crossovers are great little side stories all about how Daitenku Temple somehow had the Ghost Ijunroku Wonder Ride Book? I genuinely have no idea why it was there, or how Makoto had the Specter Gekikou Senki, and as far as I remember neither of their origins are explained. Did Luna or Tassel hand them off to them and told them to wait for a sword guy? And why do these generic French Revolution Gamma villains working for Danton get their asses handed to them so easily by Kanon, who literally just became a Rider? I thought that Makoto deciding to adopt all the Kanon clones into his family was both hilarious and adorable though; considering all the crap they went through, I think it was a good ending to this plot. Gimme Espada x Necrom already Toei/Bandai/Fukuda/whoever I need to yell at, give Kento things to do, I beg you.

-I haven't actually seen Super Hero Senki since it's not available for subbing yet, but apparently there's a Journey to the West plot starring the Taros and Ohma Zi-O and I want to see that so badly.

Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra? Yoohei Kawakami? A match made in heaven, that's what they are. All of their themes are absolute bangers. All of them. Almighty, Kamen Rider Saber, Sparks, Taju Rokou, all excellent and empowering pieces. Rewrite the Story, Will Save Us, and The Story Never Ends are all amazing inserts done by the cast, and it makes me wish we had even more of them to help break up the monotony of the score.

The characters are what easily make this show such a great watch though. For the most part, they have great personalities and chemistry, consistently fun and interesting scenes, well acted and... sometimes well-written development, and deeply investing personal stakes.

Narrating it all is the delightfully eccentric Tassel/Viktor, portrayed by Romanesque Ishitobi "TOBI" of the Paris-based Les Romanesques. I was utterly confused by his presence at first, wondering why there needed to be a narrator when the story would've been perfectly fine without it. He even got a special spot in the opening despite having no stake in the plot despite seeming to live in Wonderworld, who the hell is this guy? But then I thought "OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD". I thought it'd be some subversion of expectations, true form, "That Was His Mistake!" shit. Trust me, it made a lot more sense in my head. I'm very happy that they didn't do that, as I grew to love having male Yuuka Kazami as my narrator, and when he was shown to be actually important by being friends with Yuri my mind was blown. And doubly so when I realized just how deeply necessary to the plot he really is.

Rintaro/Blades is up there as one of my all time favorite secondary Riders, since his curiosity is always consistently funny and adorable, his forms are all gorgeous and impressively designed, his relationships with Mei and Touma are absolutely sweet and compelling to see unfold, and his arcs about becoming willing to call out those he views as family and coming to terms with his feelings of inadequacy and both moving past and using them to strengthen himself are always great lessons to pass on to kids. ...even if they took like 10 goddamn episodes to be conveyed in what could've been 5, but hey, Takaya Yamaguchi does a stand-up job all throughout. Rider veteran Eitoku's refined, almost logical movements with the Suiseiken Nagare absolutely beautiful to see in action, and his final form having the same white and blue color scheme as Zooous's base form is an amazing touch I don't see appreciated enough.

Mei Sudo's also absolutely wonderful, serving as the perfect emotional core of the story, responsible for most of the funniest lines, sweetest character moments, and some of the most deceptively compelling drama. Asuka Kawazu brings the perfect energy for such a dynamic and well rounded character, and absolutely nails her scenes of quiet turmoil. As much as I would've loved her to become a Rider, I don't think she really needed to. She's already done so much to help, and as cool as it would've been to see her pick up a sword and fight alongside them as Espada, Calibur, or Falchion she's already endeared herself to me as one of my favorite supporting characters in the whole franchise.

I can't get enough of my homeboy Kento Fukamiya/Espada. Like Rintaro and everyone else for that matter, he also suffers from Saber's pacing issues; and like his predecessor Valkyrie from Zero-One, he doesn't get a proper upgrade aside from his Wonder Combo, instead becoming an anti-villain using a completely different powerset and shifting the Raimeiken Ikazuchi out of focus for the Ankokuken Kurayami, and I feel there's a serious missed opportunity to see him use Jaaku Dragon with Alangina. However, Ryo Aoki's performance is probably among the most easily praiseworthy in the whole cast, managing to convey both Kento's kind and knightly stoicism as Espada and his emotionally unstable despair as Calibur perfectly, in conjunction with Yuji Nakata's experienced and expressive stuntwork.

Ren Akamichi/Kenzan's a dark horse favorite for sure. I remember back when Saber was first picking up, people hated this breezy mad lad for being such a simple character at first. Overly concerned with strength? Black and white world view? Annoyingly energetic? Agh, real-feeling character flaws, I hate them, get him away from me! But then y'all came crawling back. Eiji Togashi's apparently a bit of a rookie actor, and it really shows with some stilted delivery and the way he sometimes bobs his head when giving his lines, but man he improves dramatically as the series goes on. His inexperience ironically ends up really selling his character development, and his unexpectedly beautiful relationship with Desast is special evidence of that. The Fuusouken Hayate's three modes and Satoshi Fujita putting them to excellent use through his stellar acrobatic movements are also really cool.

Why did Luna have to be a child for so long? Does Wonderworld not age whoever inherits its power? Well since Luna randomly becomes an adult in Super Hero Senki and some of the final episodes, I guess so? Miku Okamoto does a fine job for a kid actor, but she's basically done all the heavy lifting for the whole series and doesn't give Mayuu Yokota enough time to get a feel for her character as an adult. How did she choose Touma to inherit the power anyway? Does she just subconsciously decide to trust him with it upon seeing how kind and passionate about storytelling he is? Well if that's the case, why didn't Kento get at least some of that power too? He's just as important to the merchan- I mean Luna-chan, isn't he? Why did Tassel pick her over someone who isn't a literal child who'd be understandably terrified about basically becoming an embodiment of storytelling?

Sophia also kinda suffers from the same problems. Rina Chinen's voice is very pleasant to listen to, but she doesn't really do much beyond serving as a source of exposition and support. I think her dynamic with Mei's adorable, and given her kindness I can certainly understand the respect Northern Base has for her, but she doesn't really contribute a whole lot. If she could use the Kurayami and become Calibur all this time, then why didn't she take it from Kento and Yuri and do so earlier when Kento decided to go back to being Espada? I know she's not much of a fighter and as the closet thing the Sword of Logos has to a leader after Isaac's death I'd understand not wanting to put her at risk, but considering Storious is destroying the world, and she's very evidently kicking a lot of ass in the first part of the final battle even in the basic Jaaku Dragon form, I think it would've helped a lot, just sayin'. Tassel at least has the excuse of being unable to interact with the real world, but Sophia obviously didn't just be put in charge of Northern Base just because she's a pawn in Isaac's plans right?

Ryou Ogami/Buster is also a victim of the disjointed character focus. I have no problem believing he's an excellent father and fighter thanks to Yuki Ikushima and Jiro Okamoto, respectively, but he feels a bit flat and simple in comparison. His rivalry with Desast is randomly dropped, his wife doesn't even show up until the final episodes, he's kinda sidelined in terms of action a whole lot. I imagine that must've sucked for the Rider Dads out there. He does get to star in his own manga, and that was pretty good, so I guess I can't be too mad.

Tetsuo Daishinji/Slash fares better though. Hiroaki Oka, being a Kamen Rider fanboy himself, manages to make him among the most relatable characters in the series. Not only are his hyperfixation on swordsmithing and anxiety played surprisingly believably, Hirotsugu Mori letting him cut loose is extremely cathartic and hilarious, and you really feel for him when the Onjuuken Suzune becomes the first victim of Calibur!Kento's sword sealing.

Yuri/Saikou's another dark horse favorite, for me at least. "Oh great, Avalon guy's got even more merchandise to sell, I wonder what his Sword of Light is- it's himself. Well... that's different." I admit, I didn't like him at first. He felt like he was there to fill out character dynamics in the absence of both Rintaro and Kento, I thought his gimmick was too silly even if his design and jingles were bangers, I didn't particularly care for his power set. But then XSwordman came around I totally got it. He's an endearing, hard-working man trying his best to catch up on all the cool shit he missed, unafraid of experimentation, ready to throw down at a moment's notice, serving as a wonderful bit of consistent support for our heroes, a truly knightly individual, an absolute Chad. and goddamn does he make me worry. Tomohiro Ichikawa, I salute you good sir.

Even if they fall short compared to the rest of the cast, the Shindai siblings are at least cool enough to not wanna write out entirely. They kinda devolve into comic relief after they become allies, something that villainous Riders from Chase onwards are very prone to doing, and it's especially awkward in their case because I think that they kinda get off scot-free for obeying the obviously sinister and crazy Isaac for so long, as well as driving a wedge between a lot of people and threatening children in Reika's case. I think their sibling dynamic is nice though, even if Fukuda recycled it from Makoto and Kanon and has some... questionable possessive undertones as a result. It's cool how they're basically foils to Touma and Rintaro though. The dispassionate and methodical Reika/Sabela is beautifully played by Angela Mei and her moments of emotional depth are fascinating to watch. Her Rider form is a thing of beauty, and its use of literal the Eneiken Noroshi's smokescreens and Yuki Miyazawa's precise and deadly stinging strikes are a joy to watch. And while Ken Shonozaki's not given the best direction as the undercooked plate of 7-Eleven fried fish that is Ryoga/Durendal, he manages to sell him as an experienced and hardened warrior with an awkward side that's especially evident in the Zenkaiger specials. His goddamn RWBY weapon that is the Jikokuken Kaiji is absolutely sick, I'm a sucker for transforming weapons and its combination of time and water powers is really cool, especially with Yasuhiko Amai's deliberate and forceful acting in the suit.

Daichi Kamijo/the Second Calibur, for as brief as his story was, was a pretty cool starter villain. Hiroyuki Hirayama brings this poor bastard to life in a genuinely touching way. I love how as Calibur he goes full force on his creative use of Wonder Ride Books for attacks, and his debut as Jaou Dragon got my blood pumping. His end is also deeply tragic, and I really felt for him when he realized just how badly he fucked up. Hayato Fukamiya also does wonders for the backstory, and while he also doesn't get much to work with, Mitsuru Karahashi makes his regrets and love for Kento feel genuine.

Legeiel and Zooous are both very intimidating and entertaining villains. On top of being just the right balance of goofy and threatening, Kairu Takano and Koji Saikawa's stage presences are both very strong, and their mixture of camaraderie and in-fighting is extremely believable. Zooous's rivalry with Rintaro feels incredible to see through to the end, and although Legeiel doesn't get quite the same treatment, Elemental Dragon had such a cool debut that it more than makes up for it. Their final fights are also absolute spectacles. I don't think their sympathetic angle works even close to as well as it does with MetsubouJinrai or even the Gamma, but I get it, power corrupts, and you probably feel a lot of sadness and regret for things you've done when you die unless you're a right bastard.

Isaac/Master Logos/Solomon is kinda generic. As wonderful as Keisuke Soma is, he doesn't get much dimension to work with. The result of that is while he nails being as smug and punchable as possible, he feels almost... comically generic. Genta Umemori from Shinkenger was full of personality! He was also basically some guy, but he was fun, he felt connected to the rest of the cast! Meanwhile the only real time we get to see Isaac's depth is when we see him crying over his failures. I almost appreciate him being unapologetically evil though, since I've seen way too many shows where redeemed villains get off scot free for way worse things, and some where they outright demand you to sympathize with them despite them doing nothing to warrant it.

Bahato/Falchion surprises me by not just being a movie villain whose actions affect the main plot, but also being a movie villain who actually gets to appear in series as a recurring threat! ...and it's not a particularly great showing on his part, sadly. Masashi Taniguchi does a wonderful job with what he's given, but his character feels like a retread of Eternal without any of what made Katsumi Daido a compelling and frightening villain. I'd like to believe Yuri when he says that he used to be a good person and a hero to the people, but I can only hear so many anime villain monologues about the pointlessness of life and the beauty of destruction before I can never take them seriously again. ...I think that's his biggest problem, actually. I thought he was an overall uninteresting and generic villain in the movie, and the cartoon nihilist he's shown to be in series is only a small step up. He still feels like filler. If only there were a far better written and much cooler villain who takes on the Mumeiken Kyomu after his de--

Desast is probably one of the finest anti-villains I've ever seen in recent years. On top of an absolutely badass character design and the excellent combination of Kazuya Okada/Danki Sakae's suit work and Koki Uchiyama's stellar voice acting, his story being so thoroughly intertwined with Ren's makes their shared journey and bromance a borderline Shakespearean tragedy. His struggle for identity despite Storious treating him as nothing more than a failed experiment and the Sword of Logos treating him as a mere monster really gripped me, and the way he uses what little time he has left to encourage Ren into blossoming on his own is absolutely beautiful. I think his enmity with Ogami is criminally underexplored in series, considering he killed several of the previous Riders and how Ogami's in desperate need of screentime.

Then there's our main villain, Kamen Rider Storious. Robin Furuya brings an incredible amount of charisma to this character, expertly portrayed as both a sinister, manipulative bastard , and as a lonely, tragic figure that arguably makes him feel even more villainous. Speaking as a struggling writer myself, it's easy to feel stuck in the idea of "fuck it, who cares, maybe everything is predestined", but I can't imagine what it's like to know that as the truth and carry it with you for all that time. All of your grand ideas have roots from your experiences, and you're not the only one who even could have those experiences. It's easy to just fall into despair and give up trying, but would that make you happy? Sure, Storious is sadistic, he may be fulfilling his goals, he may be ungodly powerful... but it's not enough for him, is it? All of his friends are gone, one of them even at his own hand, he probably doesn't have any idea what to do after he destroys all the world's stories, Touma even reached his full power before he did, and his downfall is so predictable that even a blind person could see it. He even seems to welcome it, what's up with that? But then I realized... OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD. He's so far gone, he's so desperate to stick it to the Almighty Book, he's willing to twist the archetype of the Hero's Journey so hard, it snaps in two. What I think is interesting is that he's ironically trying to chase the trend of "edgy superhero story" that became super popular in the 21st century. The Boys, Brightburn, Kamen Rider Amazons, The Sentry, No More Heroes, Magical Girl Site, even mainstream comics from DC and Marvel... Surely Storious must've seen the cruelty and tragedy these stories are filled with, but he chooses to go through with trying to force the world into this direction anyway. Did they, along with seeing the ever-popular tragedies of legendary playwrights and bleak satire of the twentieth century fuel his despair?

And yet... there's one who stands in determination against his ideals.

Our hero, Touma Kamiyama, the titular Kamen Rider portrayed by Syuichiro Naito and Kousuke Asai, he speaks to me on a personal level. There're plenty of jokes to be made about his procrastination in early chapters, his godless fashion sense, and him doing the funny run up the slope, that's all fine and dandy, but I rarely feel so connected to a character the way I did Touma. The struggle to create, find companionship, live your life, reach out to others... these're things a lot of people struggle with, and of course you see them depicted a lot in media about creators, but Saber gets to the root of what the greatest thing about storytelling really is. Giving people hope, while using the pain of the past as fuel for the future. Sure, Storious may be right about how every story has been done as far back as human civilization gets, he may even be right about how any spin or creativity humanity has is outright predestined. It should be pointless to even try, right? That's where Touma Kamiyama disagrees. He didn't spend all that time fighting and creating just to give up at the idea of predestination. His novel writing-fueled creativity in his early training, his devotion to his friends that let him surpass Kamijo as Dragonic Knight, his compassion for the Primitive Dragon that let him combine their powers to destroy Legeiel as Elemental Dragon, his resolve that let Xross Saber dethrone Solomon, and his passion for the craft of storytelling that let our heroes channel their wishes into Wonder Almighty... all stemming from the belief imparted onto him by his predecessor that "Hope lies beyond your resolution." And that you decide how your story ends. He may not be the greatest Rider to some, he may be as lame as others think he is, he may not even be my favorite, but I have no issue calling Touma Kamiyama... Kamen Rider Saber, one of the all time greatest carriers of the Kamen Rider name.

The final chapter's definitely not as great as some other Rider finales, but goddamn. Primitive Dragon consciously choosing to save Touma is so sweet and such a great emotional payoff, I loved jamming out to the opening theme while our boys lay the smackdown on Storious. Wonder Almighty's a fitting final bit to close the main series out with, if not exactly a great one. I think the cover is great, and the book's body is a lovely shade of candy apple red, but I really don't like how its pages are just the covers of the other books copy-pasted onto onto the pages, that feels lazy. Maybe if it were a panorama of all the books' characters, I'd like it a lot more as a symbol of how unified the Swordsmen are, but eh, what can you do? On a related note, does this mean all the "last episode extra final forms" of the Reiwa Era are gonna be named after their series's opening? That's a neat idea.

I felt a lot of feelings seeing all those video messages of Rider fans all across Japan talking about their favorite stories, and how their passion and fond memories help reshape the world. Mei's monologue at the ceremony about is also really touching and- IS THAT A HUMAGEAR!? :O

Y-yeah dude, it is! Wow, where have you guys been for the past 48 episodes?! Are you guys doing okay? How come you're like... the only one here? Is the technology of Hiden Intelligence only really that prevalent in that very specific metropolitan part of Japan and they're just not coming around much over here? Is it like Dragon Ball where anthropomorphic animals are just vibin' with humans while the heroes are off kicking ass? Apparently he's played by Hasegawa Keiichi, who wrote this episode and had the award ceremony named after him. ...is Hasegawa Keiichi a HumaGear in this universe then? Did he set up this award ceremony in Touma's honor? If so, why is it named after him? Did reading one of Touma's books lead to his Singularity? I know this is just a cameo, but... god, I have so many questions that probably will never be satisfactorily answered.

Overall, if I had to compare Saber to anything, it'd probably be Sam Reimi's Spider-Man trilogy. It's awkward, stupid, overwrought, undercooked, illogically written, scattershot, cheesy as fuck, and has a tendency to squander its otherwise fine execution; but the sheer passion for storytelling, sense of spectacle, deeply fascinating characters, and belief in the ideals set forth by the cast, crew, and fans are absolutely admirable. Improvements would certainly make it an overall better experience, to be sure, but there's something deeply captivating about how wonky this series is. Seeing everybody get their happy ending after all they've been through felt extremely gratifying though, and I may have to wait another for the epilogue to and then wait for Revice, but... man. I'm hella proud of our awkwardly-emoting, fashion disaster novelist and all of his heavily flawed friends for carrying the Kamen Rider name on to the future. Here's hoping Revice will keep it going.

Alright, that's everything I wanted to talk about. Sorry this was so long and ramble-y, I had a lot to say. I'll probably be liveblogging Revice as episodes of that come out, so... look forward to that, I guess. See ya.

#kamen rider saber #long post #tsuki talks #personal #kamen rider #whew #ok bye have a nice day

[365days365movies]

January 15, 2021: Casino Royale (2006) (Part 1)

So...we meet again, Bond. What’ve you been doing for the past few years?

...What. Not who, James, WHAT. Jeez.

Whatever. BrosBond had 3 movies after GoldenEye, and they were...not great, from what I’ve heard. Remember, I wasn’t as big of a fan of GoldenEye as many critics and fans were; so, I can’t imagine what I’d think of the latter three. Maybe one day, but not today!

Today, I’m focusing my sights on the revitalization of the brand. See, in 2002, Die Another Day came out, and that movie was apparently crazy. TOO crazy. So crazy, in fact, that audiences and critics accused it of losing the plot, and the production studio in charge (Eon Productions) had a yearning to change direction. And their inspiration came from...a surprising place.

See, Joel Schumacher’s campy, over-the-top Batman films were basically wiped out by Christopher Nolan’s 2005 reinvention of the character in Batman Begins. Which is, in my opinion, a highly underrated classic, Seriously. And in 2005, this film was absolutely a smash-hit. Batman was cool again, which a lot of people never thought would happen in film. Eon saw this, and thought...how can we apply that to Bond?

Out with Brosnan...in with Craig.

The first of the new, darker, reinvented Bond films is planned for release in 2006, starring Daniel Craig as the suave, sophisticated spy. And the director of the film was selected to be...Martin Campbell? From GoldenEye? The guy who kinda sorta started the modern over-the-top Bond? Really? I mean, OK. The writers this time are different...except for one. I didn’t talk about the writers last time because I don’t like putting people on blast if I don’t gotta. This time...maybe. We’ll see.

If this Casino Royale is basically Bond Begins, I’m definitely interested. Maybe this’ll revitalize that Bond-love from the Connery days. Let’s find out! We’re also gonna look at the Bond checklist again!

Gadgets: better have more cool gadgets than GoldenEye, I swear...

Bond Girl: GoldenEye’s Natalya wasn’t bad, to be honest; let’s see who his Inevitable Love Interest is this time.

Villain: Alec Trevelyan had so much potential. I need my dastardly villain, let’s do this. Oh, and let’s throw the henchman in here, too. Xenia Onatopp was...a lot...but she was a memorable henchman, at least.

Music: Of course. GoldenEye’s theme was good, and we’ll see how 2006 does.

OK, movie time. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start at an office building in Prague, where a man makes his way up to his office. Waiting there for him is, of course, James Bond (Daniel Craig). The man is Dryden, section chief at the British Embassy in Prague, whom M has accused of selling secrets, a big no-no. But Bond...isn’t a double-0 agent. Huh. You got me interested.

Apparently, agents get the two zeroes once they’ve killed two people on file. James hadn’t killed anyone...until recently. Which is when we get this.

OH SHIT

This is an absolutely BRUTAL fight. It’s not choreographed flashily, it’s not pretty...it’s rough. It’s intense. And it’s...oh my God, wow. Made me feel it. And what’s astonishing is that it’s SO short.

On learning this, Dryden tells him not to worry, the second one is...

...YOU GOT ME. I’M IN FOR THE FUCKIN’ RIDE

HOW??? How is it that in 3 minutes of screentime, I’m already more satisfied by Craig’s Bond than I was for the ENTIRETY of GoldenEye? That is masterfully done, right off the bat. WOW. We even get a smooth-as-silk segue into the classic bullet turret sequence, and that takes us right into the song and opening credits. And...wow.

Here’s the thing about Bond openings, as I mentioned last time: they were all directed by one guy up until GoldenEye, and were basically all silhouetted women with themes and scenes from the movie projected around them. The Brosnan movies followed suit, always having silhouetted women in one way or another. Die Another Day used CGI women and...a really bad Madonna song. It was...it is NOT GOOD, guys. Look it up, it’s the most 2002 thing I’ve ever heard.

But here’s the fin bit about Casino Royale. This is the first Bond movie opening with no women in it. Yeah. It’s the first one. And the song is Chris Cornell’s You Know My Name, and it’s good! Not sure it’s going in my soundtrack, though.

Finally, the opening credits sequence itself: it’s once again Daniel Kleinman doing it, and it’s actually inspired by the first James Bond book Casino Royale, which had already had a TV special and unofficial Bond movie made from it! The cover had a playing card motif, and the opening carries over that motif creatively. I really dig it, if I’m honest! Definitely a welcome break from the 44 years of Bond films preceding it.

Uganda! And we meet the villain of this film: Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen). And GODDAMN if that isn’t a Bond villain! He’s a banker, making a deal with a rebel leader, Steven Obanno (Isaach de Bankole), via their liason Mr. White (Jesper Christiensen). Setting up an attack by supplying Obanno with money, he sells his stocks of a company called Skyfleet, knowing that they’re about to fail.

Meanwhile, a ferret’s fighting an Asian species of cobra. In Madagascar. My zoology senses are EXPLODING, OH my God. So much wrong there. Anyway, there’s a bombmaker in the crowd watching the fight. He’s being tailed by Bond and another agent, Carter, who tips off the guy by being a bad spy. Bond chases him to a construction yard. What now, James?

Awesome. Why is this awesome when I said that the tank was dumb? Because at least it makes sense for a bulldozer to go haywire in a construction yard, just sayin’. Plus, this dude clearly isn’t the best, as he fires on construction workers and cops.

Eventually, this chase sequence brings us to the top of a crane, where this exchange happens.

I, uh...I love this movie already. That’s goddamn great.

The chase scene as a whole is also fantastic, as it continues off the bridge and into an abandoned building, then escalates into the streets, brings in law enforcement, and eventually ends with Bond at an embassy, facing down both the military and the bomb maker. He kills the guy, shoots some gas tanks, grabs the bomb, and then gets the hell out of there.

...Y’know what, that was fucking amazing, but he also almost certainly caused an international incident there. And I should be annoyed about that, but guess what! It makes sense! This is an inexperienced Bond, one who’s JUST been promoted to 00 status as 007, as the prologue explained. So, y’know what? I’m into it!

Cut to a yacht, like you do in a Martin Campbell Bond film. There, we have our villain, Le Chiffre, playing a card game. Also, he weeps blood. Yeah. HE WEEPS BLOOD.

OK, if that isn’t some Bond villain shit, I don’t know WHAT is. He’s also asthmatic, because I love it. I love it so much. He’s a mathematically-brilliant asthmatic that weeps blood. More, please. 

He’s also a person aware of what Bond did at the embassy, as it’s already become an international incident! Thank you for showing consequences, movie! Damn! I love it! This has two additional consequences. One, Le Chiffre notes that the code “Ellipsis” used by the bomber may be soon to expire, indicating a connection between the two. And the second consequence? M’s pissed.

M! DAME JUDI DENCH! One of my favorite things about GoldenEye was bringing in Judi Dench as M, and she made it through the reboot! And she’s still as entertaining as she was before, calling Bond out for his stupidity, and explaining that she misses the Cold War.

In her apartment, M does her normal exposition schtick, and her interactions with Bond are fantastic here. She’s understandably angry at him, and gives him what for, but she’s also clearly impressed that he FIGURED OUT WHERE SHE LIVES, as well as her REAL NAME. Shows her opinion of Bond and aspects of Bond’s character in a single, masterful stroke. 

Well. Goddamn. Done.

The Bahamas! Bond’s here to find Alex Dimitrios (Simon Abkarian), a Greek businessman who’s believed to have a connection with Le Chiffre himself. And, as James Bond is wont to do, he finds him at a party, playing cards. And here’s where the reinvention of Bond comes full circle.

See, Bond’s doing all the typical Bond things, yeah. But there are some differences present here, as well as some neat nuances. Bond isn’t wearing the suit, first of all. He actually hasn’t worn a suit the whole movie, which makes perfect sense for a spy. Suits aren’t exactly the least conspicuous thing in the world; bound to get you noticed if you don’t want to be.

And then, there’s the girl. This is Solange Dimitrios (Catherina Murino), the wife of Alex who was treated BADLY by him at the party. That gives her a reason to take Bond’s offer for a ride to his place, outside of just his raw animalistic charm that he seems to have in some of these movies. Look at that, already more chemistry than he had with Natalya in GoldenEye.

And yes, this results in her cheating on Alex. Is her cheating justified from a moral standpoint? No, of course it isn’t. And of course, this leads to the typical Bond-handsome-sex-GOOD sequence, but again, some nuance here! First of all, he doesn’t win her over with corny clever lines, like what we saw in GoldenEye multiple ties. Second, this is actually all an attempt to get some infomation from her about her husband. Bond might be enjoying it, but his womanizing here actually has a purpose. And that’s rare!

That’s further punctuated by the fact that he STRAIGHT UP LEAVES BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS. Yeah, she tells him that Alex just made his way to Miami, and he leaves! Dick move, yeah, but it makes sense! James isn’t here for pleasure, he’s here for work!

He follows Alex to a Bodies at Work exhibit (you know, the preserved and skinned cadavers put into poses that used to tour around the USA? I saw it in Times Square at the end of its popularity. A little ghoulish, maybe, but I think it’s pretty cool), where the two of them get in a very tense close-up knife fight in public.

Alex is dead, but not before passing off a package to someone else at the exhibition. Bond tails the guy to Miami International Airport, where the largest airplane in the world is set to be unveiled. Using the code sent to the bombers, Bond gets into the back, and goes to intercept the disguised bomber who’s set to blow up the SkyChonk (I mean it, that giant airplane is THICCC).

Time for another cool chase sequence! Some luggage is destroyed, along with a bus, the cops join in on the chase, an airplane is prevented from landing (making someone on that plane probably very upset), and Bond somehow manages to prevent the plane from blowing up. And it’s by the SKIN of his teeth, lemme tell you. Also, he blows up a dude with his own flashlight bomb.

Nice. Somehow, Bond isn’t arrested, and makes his way back to the Bahamas. And it looks like Solange isn’t the Bond girl after all. Because she was thought to be the information leak (which she was, to an extent), she was tortured to death. Whoof.

M’s in the Bahamas now, and the exposition continues. She’s done with Bond’s bullshit, and she plants a tracker under his skin. She explains that with the big boi plane destroyed, somebody stood a lot to gain financially from the stock crash to come. Except that the plane wasn’t destroyed, and that person lost $100 million by “betting the wrong way.”

That person, of course, was Le Chiffre, a manthematical genius and chess prodigy, who plays poker for fun, and plays the stock market with his clients’ money. Bond’s the best poker player in MI6 (a good addition that we already saw foreshadowed earlier! See what I mean?), and she’s sending him to a high stakes poker game that Le Chiffre’s looking to regain his money from. 

Bond FINALLY dons his suit, and gets on a train in Montenegro, where he meets...

Vesper Lynd (Eva Green). THERE’S our Bond girl! Although, there’s a reference to Miss Moneypenny in their introduction, which is interesting. But Vesper is an agent for the British Treasury, supplying the money for the buy-in for the tournament. And their conversation on the train...wow. Now THIS is chemistry, seriously.

Vesper’s a great character, and she gives Bond NO quarter. She reads his character, and calls him out very accurately. They also explain why both Bond and Vesper are good at poker: it’s all about reading people. I’m genuinely impressed by how this movie is put together, and how well-thought out Bond is as a character. And this is the dimension I love to see in a Bond girl as well!

GODDAMN, I am in love with this movie. More coming in Part 2!

#James Bond #Casino Royale #Daniel Craig #Martin Campbell #007 #action movie #Eva Green #Mads Mikkselsen #Jeffrey Wright #Judi Dench #Dame Judi Dench #Ian Fleming #spy movie #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #mygifs #user365 #action january

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE PROM

You guys. Remember when just last week week I LOLed at my mom when I told her I had finally watched the lesbian holiday movie (The Happiest Season) and she thought I meant The Prom and I told her (and then you, dear readers!) that it would take me forever to hate watch that. WELL I JUST HATE WATCHED THAT. There is a lot to discuss, you guys. ALSO WIGS.

We begin in “New York City” or the CGI hellscape replication of it. Nothing about this movie is authentic except for maybe NY1′s theater reporter, Frank Dilella at the opening of a fake musical called “Eleanor! The Eleanor Roosevelt Musical!” which is meant to be a hilarious joke (it is not) starring Meryl Streep as Eleanor and James Corden as FDR and JOKE IS ON THEM AND US because why are they in this terrible movie and why the hell am I watching it? Oh right: THE WIGS. YOU GUYS THE WIGS. Meryl, who is truly slumming more in this than any other actor in this garbage also has to endure the very worst wig. SHE DID HAVE AN EVEN WORSE WIG IN MARY POPPINS RETURNS. But here this wig is so very much a bad wig that I struggled for a while wondering if this was going to be a wig within the narrative but no. Sadly, it looks like a castoff from some QVC Liza Minnelli wig collection.

AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE DRESSED IN A QVC LIZA MINNELLI NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION GHOSTMARE (Liza should probably trademark that tho). I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY SEQUINS OUTSIDE OF DAVID GEST’S GUEST HOUSE. Also, after the fake Eleanor musical opens, Meryl and James retire to “Sardis” or the CGI version of it where they discover that their show got (gasp!) bad reviews. EVERYONE LEAVES IMMEDIATELY except Meryl, James, Andrew Rannells who is another actor/bartender and NICOLE KIDMAN.

SHE IS ALSO WEARING SEQUINS AND HAS A BAD WIG. But we are talking about Nicole Kidman, so the chances of her wearing a bad wig are 110%. I couldn’t honestly tell you what her role is in this other than “another Broadway actress”(?) Her wig is likely the same one that Joanna Lumley wore for 10 seasons as Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous which has in the last decade or so been slowly decaying in a crawlspace somewhere only to reappear on the head of Nicole Kidman in the role of “another Broadway actress” in this movie. Anyway, all these washed up randos decide they need to stop acting and start activist-ing and pin all their hopes on a lesbian in Indiana who wanted to go to the prom and got the whole prom shut down due to smallmindedness. They travel to Indiana in a non-equity Godspell touring bus during which time my husband asked me who designs bus seats and truly: that is a question more profound and interesting than anything you will find in this “film.” But I do have many questions! If these actors have all been on Broadway and Meryl’s character has a few Tonys even, why do they need to bus it to Indiana?!?!

Anyway, over in “Indiana” (all places are actually LA or a set or a CGI hellscape), there is a big community meeting or something which is still all about not having a prom, because the only damn thing that matters in this community is THE PROM. The NYC actors show up and turn the meeting into a musical extravaganza with Meryl and her tragic wig center stage. More questions!! As a theater piece, it would make sense for this whole meeting to suddenly become a musical performance complete with spotlight entrances and sparkle curtains because it is already all fantasy. Ryan Murphy has no interest in creating a more realistic presentation in this new medium and just lets that happen here too? Sure - I guess the actors could have just arrived with all stage cues and crews to make this happen (LOLOL NO THEY COULDN’T) and this is honestly exactly why most stage to screen adaptations rarely work (though to be very fair - I had just about as much interest in seeing this on stage as on TV - negative 1000%). All realism, logic, quality, are not at all what this “movie” is aiming for. JUST SEQUINS! CONSTANT GODDAMNED SEQUINS! 

It should be noted that Kerry Washington plays the conservative PTA mom at the center of canceling prom and bitch got away with the very best wig! Also the big spoiler here is that her daughter is the secret lesbian love of the lesbian she is trying to stop from going to the prom! GASP! Kerry also made really terrible career choices this year between this and Little Fires Everywhere which also involves secret lesbians. 

Also those lesbians have a love song that looks like this - aka that one scene in the loathsome La La Land which was itself completely derivative. There are many (many!) derivative scenes in this movie - a later one on a staircase with Nicole Kidman is a clear nod to that one staircase scene in All That Jazz (RIP ANN REINKING!) This was all done intentionally for us theater nerds but also all the movies it ripped off I also hated so? NO THANK YOU THE PROM. ALSO THE MAIN LESBIAN’S GRANDMOTHER IS PLAYED BY MARY KAY PLACE AND I LOVE MARY KAY PLACE FYI. 

Anyway! The NYC actors start their very ill-advised get-back-the-Prom campaign at......CGI monster truck rally wherein Andrew Rannells wears THIS GODDAMNED COAT. Trying to find any logic or realism in this movie is about as foolhardy as being Andrew Rannells wearing this coat and singing a musical theater song at a CGI monster truck rally in “Indiana.” 

Also! Keegan Michael Key is in this (WHO I LOVE ALWAYS) as the liberal principal who is trying to make prom happen. He also is a HUGE MUSICAL THEATER FAN though that doesn’t actually translate to being gay - it translates to him being obsessed with Meryl Streep who is his favorite stage actress. Sure! It all turns into Keegan Michael Key being a love interest with Meryl Streep which I DID NOT SEE COMING but I would love to watch an actual rom com with the two of them and not whatever this is? THEY HAVE A DATE AT AN APPLEBEES YOU GUYS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

At said Applebees (or “Applebees” more accurately because I’ve never seen one that sparkles like this), Keegan has a nice ballad which I couldn’t possibly hum for you now where he sings about the escapism of THEATRE and there is a flashback to him seeing Meryl in a musical called “Swallow the Moon” which is a pretty hilarious title and the whole thing looks exactly like another Liza Minnelli fashion show - this time with maybe a circus theme? At any rate, Meryl’s flashback wig is longer and more of a fashion bob but is still very fretful. 

I would like to take this opportunity to say that although I never saw The Prom musical on Broadway, from the pictures I have seen, Beth Leavel’s wig (in the same role as Meryl) is vastly superior in every way, despite the fact that stage wigs are allowed to be different/inferior as they are viewed from further away and not in bitter bitter closeup. 

Meryl looks great in close-up by the way BUT THAT WIG!!! I couldn’t find a good picture of it, but the hair part (if you can call it that?) is a dangerous ravine of mysteries none of which have anything to do with looking like real hair. MERYL HAS MORE OSCARS THAN ANYONE HOW WAS SHE GIVEN THIS WIG?! HOW!!!!!

Anyway, back to the “plot” of this movie, the PTA somehow agree to having a prom and all the kids go around prom-posaling (which is an awful horrible thing that I’m glad I was never part of) and which truly begs the question: if the kids hadn’t prom-posaled (UGH) to begin with, how did word get out that two lesbians were going and how did this prom get derailed in the first place? WHY AM I ASKING ABOUT PLOT HOLES WHEN THIS ENTIRE THING IS A PLOT HOLE?!?!?! So they have the prom, but it’s all an elaborate and cruel ruse and the real prom is at some hotel and the fake prom only for this one sad lesbian is a really depressing affair in the school gym (THIS PART OF THE MOVIE IS LEGIT HORRIBLE AND SAD). So Nicole Kidman, in the very important role of “another Broadway actress” that definitely needed to exist, decides to tell her to just “razzle dazzle ‘em” (WHICH ABSOLUTELY MEANS NOTHING IN THIS CONTEXT) in a very Fosse inspired (AND INCREDIBLY NIGHTMARE INDUCING) and also very confusing number. Also Andrew Rannells convinces a bunch of teenagers in a mall to like gay people! Mazel!

ALSO TRACEY ULLMAN IS IN THIS MOVIE AND NO ONE TOLD ME AND SHE HAS AN AWFUL WIG! So ok - James Corden, who I normally adore, plays a gay character with an American accent and in conclusion, is very miscast in this role. One of the few things Ryan Murphy has done which I actually liked was the revival of Boys in the Band (the play - I have yet to watch the movie!) And the entire cast was gay men playing gay men. Not sure why he then cast James Corden in this role because it’s not like we’re having a shortage of gay men who can sing? A friend of mine rightly pointed out that this character should have been played by Titus Burgess and VERY YES. Anyway, that’s not what happened and anyway, Tracey Ullman plays his mother who he reconnects with and I’m pretty sure the wig she wears was from her own collection from one of her past sketch shows and though I applaud wig recycling, bitch deserved better.

So yes - all these Broadway actor characters inexplicably are still in Indiana just TRYING TO MAKE THE PROM HAPPEN and Meryl, who somehow has both a celebrity ex husband and a Hamptons house (AGAIN WHY DID SHE TAKE A BUS TO INDIANA) uses both to get the main lesbian a forum on TV but she doesn’t take it and instead makes a singer-songwriter YouTube video which everyone on earth simultaneously watched!!! We are supposed to believe that this random video got 8 million views and she decides to use that leverage to make her own inclusive prom. This is a very lovely idea but again: not based in reality so Keegan is all: girl we need $$ to have a prom and somehow she doesn’t immediately make a go-fund me from all those YouTube views she got and instead all these actors throw down their credit cards to fund The Prom which is really horrifying knowing about real events which will totally make all those actors very unemployed (#2020) and YES I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS THE OPPOSITE OF REALITY BUT STILL.

In the end, ALL OF LIZA MINNELLI’S NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION QVC FASHIONS get their own damn prom and even Kerry Washington shows up in the most outrageous sequined number after her daughter finally comes out to her and everyone dances it out and life is reaffirmed and Meryl’s wig IS STILL A PILE OF GARBAGE AS IS THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

#wigwurq #theprom #netflixtheprom #merylstreep #nicolekidman #jamescorden #keeganmichaelkey #NOTHANKYOU #LIZAMINNELLICOLLECTION

[ihavethoughtsplural]

Blood and Chocolate: An Adaptation in Name Only

Previously:  Section 0 – Introduction, Section 1 – The Book, Section 2 – Adaptation Challenges

Section 3 – The Adaptation

Preface:  The 2007 adaptation of Blood and Chocolate directed by Katja von Garnier and written by Ehren Kruger and Christopher Landon did not receive critical acclaim.  It stands at 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, and a New York Times review by Jeannette Catsoulis called it “uninvolving and cliché-ridden”.  The box office returns were similarly underwhelming, grossing $3.5 million domestically and $6.3 million internationally against a $15 million budget – an $8.7 million loss for a production company used to receiving at least a modest return on investment for other, similar properties. 

(Ahem.)

But, does it have any merit?   It may have failed by the metrics of profitability and critical response, but that does not mean that the film was an entirely, or even partially, failed endeavor.

Summary:  Following a surprisingly faithful Romeo and Juliet plot, the movie Blood and Chocolate centers on Vivian, the werewolf Juliet, an orphan living in Bucharest with her Aunt Astrid, who serves as a rough Nurse analogue.  They are ruled by Gabriel, the Paris, a tyrannical pack leader with romantic designs on Vivian.  The human Romeo, Aiden, is a wandering American artist who encounters Vivian anonymously in an empty church, whereupon he becomes determined to find and court her. Meanwhile, tensions are rising with the Tybalt character, Vivian’s cousin Rafe.  He discovers Vivian and Aiden’s romance, threatens Aiden, and is eventually killed by Aiden in self-defense.

Eventually, Vivian gets poisoned and she and Aiden attempt to escape the city.  She is captured and locked up in Gabriel’s headquarters, where Aiden arrives and rescues her.  In the process, Vivian kills Gabriel.  Afterward, they escape, steal Gabriel’s car, and drive off into the sunset.

Also, there’s a prophecy about Vivian? More on that later.

Themes: The themes of the movie deviate sharply from the themes of the book.  No longer does Vivian struggle with what she wants as opposed to what she needs, because the movie removes any such opposition.   In the movie, as in the book, Vivian wants to be with Aiden, but the movie rearranges the rest of the plot and the characters so that what she no longer needs to accept (and find a partner who also accepts) her dual nature as a werewolf to find happiness and fulfillment. Instead, what the film version of Vivian needs is to get away from her creepy, possessive pack leader and forge her own destiny.  This “need” no longer stands in opposition to her “want”.  On the contrary, the two share a resolution – run away from Bucharest with Aiden. The tension between the human and the animal sides of Vivian’s nature is also reworked.  In the book, she can’t pretend to be human, but she also can’t lose control and give in to her animal side.  She needs to balance both.   The movie, on the other hand, has Vivian definitively choose her human side by choosing Aiden.  Actually, no, it’s not just that she chooses her human side – the movie shows her actively rejecting her werewolf side throughout the movie. And, well, given the way that werewolf society is treating her, I can’t really blame her.  I wouldn’t fight to stay with these people either.  They were ready to pair her off with a man old enough to be her father without her consent.  

Honestly, I wasn’t really wondering why she wanted to leave with Aiden, but more wondering why she hadn’t left already. 

This leads into the theme that was added for the movie: destiny vs. choice.   As a girl from “the line of Kings,” Vivian is destined by a nebulous prophecy to lead the Bucharest pack into the Age of Hope.  Who prophesied this?  If she’s from the line of Kings, why is Gabriel leading the pack?  Does Vivian even fulfill this prophecy?  We never really find out.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a prophecy storyline.  It just – it has to matter.  And the prophecy in this movie does not matter.  You could cut every mention of it, and nothing substantial would change. One of the biggest mysteries about this movie is why the screenwriters added a prophecy element if they weren’t going to bother to pay it off.

She is also destined (either by the prophecy or because Gabriel says so) to be Gabriel’s next mate, continuing the tradition of the pack leader choosing a new mate every 7 years.  Vivian does not appear to have a choice in the matter.

Throughout the movie, Vivian feels chained by this destiny, leading her to keep Aiden at a distance and warning him away from her.  Aiden, however, ignores her boundaries and her clear wish to be left alone.  He tells her that she needs to ignore her family’s plans for her and make her own choices, mostly because he’s hoping that she’ll chose to date him. In the end, Vivian accepts Aiden’s outlook, choosing to defy Gabriel’s wishes by saving Aiden and escaping Bucharest with him.

Highs: There are two major elements that I like about this movie, and I do honestly like them. I’ve watched this movie a lot, and, no, it’s not just hatewatching.  I genuinely enjoy this movie.

o   The Cast: I really like Agnes Bruckner.  She was great in the slasher movie, Venom, and I think she made an admirable Vivian.  Despite some of the cheesier lines, she turns in a decent performance.  I believed that she felt guilty about her family’s deaths.  I believed that she felt torn between her attraction to Aiden and her duty to her pack. I even believed that moment in the ending where Vivian can’t bring herself to kill Gabriel, despite the threat that he represents.  

Of course, the script ruins that seconds later when she just… shoots him anyway?   Also, and this is a violently American thing to say, but did they have to use the wimpiest sounding gun possible? 

I think that Hugh Dancy as Aiden was the standout performance of the movie.  He portrayed Aiden as playful, sweet, and resourceful, and his switch from sensitive artist to unlikely badass is nicely set up with his story about defending himself against his abusive father.  I also think that he and Bruckner have some decent chemistry.  Say what you will about the romantic fountain montage - they look like they’re genuinely enjoying each other’s company.  

Also, he spends the last half of the movie bruised and slightly bloody, and I don’t mind that at all.

As for the rest of the cast, I think they gave fine performances despite the material that they had to work with. When movies fail, there seems to be an impulse to blame the cast and rip their performances apart – but I won’t. I don’t blame the cast for the commercial and critical failure of this movie – I blame the people who had actual creative control (the producers, director, screenwriters, etc.).

o   The Concept: An ancient dynasty of werewolf leaders extending from primeval Europe into the modern day?  Yes fuckin’ please!  This is exactly the kind of canon expansion that I was craving from the book!   And, okay, yeah.  The book’s version of werewolf society is very different from the movie’s version.  In the book, werewolf packs are moderately sized clusters of families and individuals ruled by an alpha pair.  Other werewolf packs exist, but there doesn’t seem to be any person or group governing werewolf society as a whole.   This would seem to directly contradict the movie’s take on werewolf society, but it doesn’t have to.  The book’s werewolves originated in western Europe, and from there emigrated to the US in the 1600’s.  The movie’s werewolves originated in eastern Europe and stayed there.  There’s no reason why those two groups of werewolves couldn’t have started with or evolved two different social structures leading up to the present day.   In fact, if you can ignore the shared titles and character names, the movie Blood and Chocolate can be viewed as a new story set in the fictional universe established by the book Blood and Chocolate. And that’s how I choose to view this– it lets me get past my nerd rage and enjoy the movie for what it is.

Lows: While I do honestly enjoy this movie, I would be lying if pretended that it was flawless.  Blood and Chocolate didn’t get its reputation by accident.  Here are my thoughts on some of the more egregious missteps. o   The Script:  Okay guys, we need to talk.  I’ve seen people defending this movie, saying that it’s an unfairly maligned gem, and I CAN’T.  Guys, the dialogue.  Have you LISTENED to the dialogue?

Aiden, pleading:  “I’ll take the train, I swear it.  I’m gone.  I’m on that train.”

Rafe:  “I AM THE TRAIN!”

(Boy, WHY are you crouching on the railing like a heterochromatic gremlin?)

Like I said in the last section, I don’t blame the actors for the movie’s failure.  I don’t.  They had no control over this shit.  I do, however, blame the screenwriters; all SIX of them.  This film had SIX separate people working on the script and was still released with Hugh Dancy shouting, “If you cared a goddamn thing about me, you would have left me before we ever met!” 

This is astonishing for its misunderstanding of linear time if for nothing else.  

Seriously, though – Hugh Dancy, cinnamon roll and internet darling, cannot make these lines sound good.  When even the best actor in your movie can’t make it work, you know that the script is baaaaad.

o   The Wolves: Remember the bit about practical effects vs. CGI in the previous post?  Yeah, the filmmakers went hard on the CGI.  It made sense given the relatively small budget to go the CGI route as a money saving maneuver.  However, the director, Katja von Garnier, decided to use the CGI in the most ridiculous way possible.

(🎶 FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT! 🎶)

The werewolves jump into the air, turn into an ethereal glow, and emerge as wolves.  While this is not an inherently bad idea (it’s different, and it could, in theory, look cool), the execution was a huge misfire.  Seeing the actors leap forward into a sparkly, pastel shimmer was never anything but ridiculous, and the Sailor Moon aesthetic of it just did not fit with the grungy, realistic look of the rest of the movie.

(Hey, cinematographer: if you want these transformations to fit with the rest of the movie, maybe make the movie LESS F*ING BROWN?) Additionally, the transformed werewolves were simply real wolves.  Listening to Katja von Garnier’s commentary, you come away with the impression that she is suuuuuper proud of getting the cast and crew to work with live animals.  However, the wolves that they used are a bit on the smaller side.

As a result, they didn’t really inspire much fear.  For example; in the scene where Rafe murders the girl he’s been stalking, you see both the girl and the wolf in the same shot, and it absolutely kills the tension. Like, girl - roll up a newspaper and boop him on the nose.

o   Rafe:  The screenwriters desperately wanted Rafe to be menacing, and bless Bryan Dick for trying, but it does not work at all. Rafe in the movie is petulant, sleazy, definitely an asshole, and explicitly a murderer, but I never believed him as a threat.   In the confrontation at the chapel, Hugh Dancy stands half a head taller than Bryan Dick, and while neither of them are exactly musclebound, it’s pretty obvious who would win in a fight.  For me to buy Rafe as a legitimate danger, he needed to be less foppish, more unhinged, and just physically bigger.

(FFS, Vivian is taller than he is!  How is he supposed to be intimidating?)

o   Gabriel: I don’t know who decided to turn the romantic lead of the book into the jealous villain of the movie, but they need to be slapped across the face with a trout.  It’s been over a decade since the movie came out, and I have learned to shrug off most of the bizarre adaptational choices, but this one still just pisses me off.  The evisceration of Gabriel’s character is the biggest betrayal of the source material.  

In the book, Gabriel was a foil to Aiden, and Vivian choosing Gabriel symbolized her acceptance of her dual nature. It meant that she wouldn’t have to compromise her identity to be accepted and loved.   The adaptation could have provided an opportunity to rework Gabriel’s character arc.  It could have cleaned up the age-gap ickiness, removed the non-consensual kiss, nixed the prior relationship with Vivian’s mother and generally made Gabriel as a love interest more palatable for movie audiences. But, whatever.  The filmmakers already threw out the core of the human vs. animal theme from the book, so why not just utterly warp Gabriel while they’re at it?  Plus, the clueless human love interest vs. the lecherous supernatural stalker dynamic worked for Underworld, so it’s going to work here, right?  

The Stuff I’m Choosing Not to Nitpick (in depth):  I just- I don’t know, man.  I used to get really worked up about this stuff, but I don’t really feel like devoting any real analysis to these points.  Take these potshots and do with them what you will.

o   The Parkour: Time has not been kind to parkour.  The filmmakers gambled on it being cool for the long haul, and they lost that wager.  I get that it takes a lot of skill, and I get what the filmmakers were trying to do with it, but it just looks silly. o   The Hunt: I mean, it directly violates the most important werewolf law from the source material, but I’m willing to believe that this ancient werewolf faction in Romania came up with a sanctioned way to hunt humans, so I can forgive this. o   The Eye Thing: The early-mid aughts were really impressed with the power and symbolism of colored contacts, weren’t they?

o   Astrid: They mashed Astrid and Esme’s characters together and called the resulting chimera Vivian’s aunt.  I don’t hate this change as much as I used to. I mostly just wonder why they bothered.  The movie had already changed the book’s storyline so much that neither Astrid nor Esme were necessary for the new plot.  They could have cut this character out entirely and no one would have missed her.

o   The White Wolf:  Of course the main character turns into the only white wolf in the movie.  ‘Cuz symbolism!  

o   The (implied) Sex Scene:  Sure, she’s dying of silver poisoning, you’re both hiding in a decrepit film warehouse and the werewolf mafia is hunting you, but GO AHEAD.  This is the ideal time AND place to bone!

(This woman is clearly DTF.)

Verdict: I want to be really clear on this point – I love this movie.  I mean, let me remind you of my cinematic tastes.

Here’s the thing - there is a difference between movies that are “good” and movies that are “enjoyable”.  Blood and Chocolate is not a “good” movie. The plot is formulaic as hell, the dialogue is laughably inept, and any actual potential it had to do something new and innovative with the werewolf genre was squandered.   Seriously – one of the remarkable things about the book was how it centered a monster story on the monsters and made them sympathetic.  The movie? Turns the monsters back into one-dimensional bad guys.  But, hey, at least they made the transformations maaaaaaagical! That said, Blood and Chocolate is absolutely an “enjoyable” movie.  I have watched this thing dozens of times since it came out, and each time I find something new to amuse me.  The dialogue is hilarious, the special effects miss the mark so badly, and every time you find a new plot hole, an angel gets its wings.  What’s more, it contains enough genuinely good elements to balance out the bad.  It is a delightful example of low camp, and a worthy addition to any “so bad it’s good” film collection.

I’m not alone in that assessment, either. If you look at amateur reviews of the movie, you’ll find a lot of people defending it despite its flaws.  It has an audience!  

So, why didn’t it make more money?  

Next Week:  Section 4 – The Autopsy

#blood and chocolate #annette curtis klause #werewolves #katja von garnier #agnes bruckner #hugh dancy #olivier martinez #B&C-AAINO

[audoldends]

King’s Avatar is amazing

SO if you’ve followed along with my screaming for the past couple days first, thanks that must’ve been really annoying, second, I’ve decided to condense and organize my thoughts on The King’s Avatar because I realized about half way that I’ve been thinking of everyone in terms of dogs and screaming so....

FIRST story, A+ amazing incredible. Found family out the wazoo with a solid and surprisingly believable esports plot. Like I was seriously impressed by the amount of detail put into the game itself and not just in terms of the cgi, cool down times, icons, hp bars, there are so many little details on the set of the game I’m blown away by that alone. The plot is solid with some really great pacing. Even when nothing is technically happening progress is always being made at least on a character level. Everything always felt super grounded. Like apart from the ridiculously large buildings for esports training nothing felt insanely implausible. Ye Xiu was strong but not OP ridiculous you are already dead strong which just made everything even better because I could definitely see something like this happening is Overwatch or League.

SECOND music and cinematography. My god was this amazing!!! There’s this really specific track that plays during battles and that I just can’t fucking get enough of! Everything is integrated so well and the shots are just so fucking nice to look at!! They also fully took advantage of the cgi to create some really great shots in game while still making it feel like a video game. 10/10

THIRD AND THE BEST PART characters. The characters are the heart and SOUL of this series and my god are they done well. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE is given some sort of empathetic pull. Everyone feels so real and human. There’s no weird unnecessary hatred between the top players it’s all mutual respect and friendship. People who have known each other for years FEEL LIKE THEYVE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR YEARS!!! There empathy and sympathy and everyone makes choices for a reason and those reasons are always so grounded you can believe every single one of them.

Earlier I said I’d ended up think of the characters as dogs because I just kept going “he’s like a puppy!” Every time someone new was introduced. With a few NOTABLE exceptions, behold the dogs of King’s avatar.

Ye Xiu: scheming puppy useless outside of video games

Qiao Yifan: PUPPY BABY BEST BOY!!!

Tang Ruo: sulky puppy who thinks it’s bigger than it is but is still pretty big. Definitely a lesbian

Chen Guo: an excitable puppy who can’t always remember what to do but goddamn is she willing to try. Tang Ruo’s girlfriend

Bao Zi: not a single brain cell in sight. The dumbest dog you’ve ever seen, the kind that runs into walls because he can’t figure out how to stop when chasing a ball

Luo Ji: the smartest puppy. Math puppy who is the softest lil bean. Needs love always.

Wei Chen: old dog that barks way to loud but knows how to play super well, even if he does need to take super long naps afterwards

An Wenyi: a puppy who just needs love to turn into a pile of happy goo. Occasionally lashes out but always comes back looking for friends.

Wu Chen: a good boy even if he does occasionally break stuff. Always ready to be a good boy, a helpful boy, soft dad dog

Mo Fan: a cat who wandered into a house of dogs

Haung Shaotian: yippy loud barking puppy whom a love with my whole ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL

Yu Wenzhou: scary smiling boy

Han Wenqing: big scary boy

Zhang Xinjie: schemey boy who is not afraid of the big scary boy

Su Mucheng: the smartest, prettiest girl

Chen Yehui: rat bastard boy

Tao Xuan: rat bastard man

Sun Xiang: chihuahua who barks a lot and thinks it’s a big dog. Toll angry who experiences SO MUCH GROWTH

Qiu Fei: a puppy who keeps tripping on his own two feet as he runs to be a vicious attack dog. Smoll angry who accidentally befriended a toll angry and doesn’t know what to do with it

Qiao Shiqin: a respectful schemey boy who somehow adopted a toll angry boy and is a proud dad of his growth

Blue river: dumb baby who keeps getting lead in circles

Gao Yingjie: definitely in love with Yifan

Wang Jiexie: not a bastard as originally thought

Little moon moon: the og fan whom we must support otherwise the dumb dog would fall down the stairs in an attempt to bark at the door

Ye Qiu: gullible boy who just wants his id back and for his brother to let their parents bother HIM for a change.

I know I’m probably forgetting people but these are the big ones. I could scream about them individually and maybe I will but not here.

Tl:dr Kong’s Avatar is an amazing show and @weilongfu should expect my letter from courts for compensation for emotional damage soon.

#king’s avatar #the king’s avatar #cdrama #i need a season 2

[kalira]

CATS movie thoughts~

(post mirrored from Pillowfort here)

I went to see the new CATS movie with @mad-madam-m yesterday (we've been planning this since the first trailer dropped) and it was actually a) better than I expected, and b) enjoyable, which was a nice surprise! (I expected us to enjoy it because it was entertainingly bad, honestly.)

I've loved CATS since I saw the Broadway version as a kid, and listened repeatedly (incessantly) to the soundtrack thereof back then - and at times even these days - and was delighted to see a production of it when it came to our city when I was small.

The movie left me with 2-3 major issues and a handful of quibbles. . . I have not organised them at all, but here are my thoughts.

. . .which I am putting under a cut because I had a lot more to say than I thought, apparently.

I am not surprised they did an outsider character to be an audience surrogate, but *SIGH*

Also . . . Victoria? Whose characterisation in the stage show is 'excellent ballerina'?

I know that's why they chose her, they could fill her in as they chose, but it was weird to have a cat who left almost no impression in the stage show as the 'main character'

Okay I admittedly missed that they apparently folded in Jemima/Sillabub to her as well, but that really doesn't make me feel any better

Did we have to have the incredibly forced romantical feeling type focus?

Not to mention we had some oddness towards that with Munkustrap initially

Then there was Misto falling tail over paws - because he bumbles through everything - at her

Then the oddness of the Munjojerrie and Rumpelteazer song which was probably not supposed to added the both of them to that list, if more briefly

Holy heckies adding a new song for the new central character was not a bad idea but literally anywhere else in the goddamn movie, and not spinning off of Memory oh my lord all the no it was so cringe

Look you cannot build off of Memory as 'but I have it worse than you so feel better'

Who has it worse is never a good game to play at all, playing it here was so cringey

'What's a Jellicle?'

Okay I know, audience surrogate, but oof

Actually let me skip back - the CGI did not bother me that much and it's like 99% of the ranting I have seen about this since the very first trailer. It never bothered me that much.

The cats were made a bit more plain; that bothered me.

Let them have ruffs, especially the toms, wtf did you remove those for it looks a) weird, and b) wrong for cats

However the show really can only be played by humanoid cats, I think, or it . . . look, the production wouldn't work with more catlike cats

The addition of dialogue stringing together the songs and adding more plot elements and freedom to work with them was really not an issue in my opinion

It strung together the slightly expanded plot in a way it really needed

It wasn't that jarring or awkward, to me

Misto, oh baby, why oh why did they do that to you~

Mister Mistoffeelees, who is an aloof, confident, and incredibly skilled magician in the stage show is made into a nervously fumbling barely-past-kitten who fails at almost every bit of magic he attempts (and falls and trips rather a lot as well, when he's a brilliantly graceful dancer in the stage show)

It was painful, oh sweetie

I can guess part of why they did it, but it was not well done and I don't think it was necessary

Misto's magic was painful; not because it was painful itself but because he was so bad at it, and everyone expected him to fail every time he tried

Misto using his magic for Gus' song, for dramatic effect? I thought it was really great and also really sweet

Actually Misto being so starry-eyed at Gus was adorable all around

That could have been put in even with Misto being his confident stage self, in fact it could have been super cute to have him be composed and confident and then go to an overexcited kitten with Gus in front of him

The absence of the Conjuring Turn was so sad, it is a star point of Misto

Look I'm not a fan of the 'awkward bumbling male finds his confidence because of the unwavering (with no reason) faith of the new female love interest' trope in general, having it wedged in here suddenly did not make me like it any more

Upon the note of Misto, the rescue of Deuteronomy . . . was very badly timed on the beats, and badly done (I felt) when it finally happened.

I didn't expect her to show up when Misto first tried

I semi-expected the second time, but okay

When she didn't show up the third time it stopped being any kind of suspense - especially since, let's be real, the plot is not really a huge mystery - and became 'okay so . . . what are we doing instead now?'

And then the fourth try, when she did appear, it was done very anticlimactically

Deuteronomy being female didn't really bother me but it left me a bit eh

Judi Dench is awesome, but Deuteronomy not really singing is weird

Also, let Judi Dench's Deuteronomy have been implied to have had 9 - or 99 - wives you cowards

. . .plus that line being altered to be another repeat of 'Old Deuteronomy's had many lives, some may say ninety-nine' . . . it was awkward/clunky and felt over repetitious

Jennyanydots . . . oof, poor hon

Jennyanydots is a mature and above all sweetly sincere queen in the stage show

She honestly wants to better the mice and the cockroaches, and it's a bit silly perhaps, but she is determined to do it - and does

And the other cats respect her and, more, they genuinely care very much for her it seems

And she's earnest

I expected her to be played more for comedy given who was cast to play her, but the extent of it felt not great, to be honest, even before the other cats began to feel like they were mocking her a bit

Not to mention - the joke about the mice being dinner and a show I could let pass despite being very different from Jennyanydots as she originally was, but actually eating cockroaches as it went was a bit too far

As I told M when we were discussing the movie after the showing, it was like, I was rolling with it, and then they rolled too far

Also on that note? The CGI mice were a bit o.O - when the CGI cockroaches started marching my thought was actually 'oh, this won't feature in my nightmares at all'

They won't actually but they were kind of horrifying

I did like the cats watching with that alert, slightly twitchy focus of a cat seeing a small moving creature

The traditional costume change looked . . . weirder and creepier with the CGI than costume work

Bustopher Jones went from a dignified figure to a ridiculous one

It was again rather terrible to watch, wince-worthy

Prancing through the rubbish bins and splatting through things instead of his usual stage show refinement and rather snobbishness? Oof

Bustopher has always been respected, even specifically so because of his size, making his weight a joke and/or something he's 'extra sensitive' about was . . . so unnecessary

The Rum Tum Tugger has always been my favourite, since I was a wee tiny Kalira

. . .he was blessedly not so bad as I feared - and even went back closer to the rocker cat (complete with flirtatious tease nature) than the rap adaptation I have heard of and been continually ohgodwhy no at

However, why did they discard the few details of his character that are not a self-important flirt?

He's not even focused at that - in the stage show I am accustomed to he is very much a determined performer, basking in being adored

he was a bit 'oo shiny' and kept ignoring his adoring audience in the movie?

In the stage show he is also around to drop in playful lines from time to time

Also he sings a good chunk of Misto's song and brags him up, as well as pieces of other songs

While he claims to be distant and aloof, and may somewhat be, he continually comes back and causes minor disruptions for his own (and others') amusement in the stage show

He also protectively shelters some of the kittens more than once

Misto's barb was kept in but sounded more like a jealous, anxious attempt to detract attention instead of a teasing barb at an egotistical friend

Along with many of the songs, Tugger's was altered so that it is entirely sung about himself, and as with many of them, I felt it was better with some of the lines from another singer

Though his is not so bad as many, perhaps because he's already talking himself up

I wasn't really surprised to find he's changed from the inspirations I remember from the stage show and when I was little (Mick Jagger and David Bowie, mother told me when I got older XD) but it was still a little bit of a disappointment

Also a bit random, when mostly the soloing cats - at least/especially the ones singing for themselves in front of all the others - were competing in the formalised 'who gets to ascend' spread, that Tugger is evidently not

Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer were kind of fantastic and then kind of wtf for me

me, during their song, as they pulled Victoria along with them to play and cause all manner of mischief in the house: I don't think I'm intended to be shipping Victoria with both of them now, but I definitely am

me, at the end of their song, as they deliberately abandoned Victoria strangling and trapped as a dog came barrelling up after her with saucy nonchalance: . . .what the fuck?

me, when they were helping with Macavity's attack directly: excuse me no

I know they're said to be 'rumoured' to help him out in the stage show but this was very different

Yeah they said here that it was 'only a bit of fun' and they didn't know Macavity was planning to kidnap Deuteronomy, but . . . no

I did actually like their colouration redesign, making them I think the only cats I did in the entire movie

The lack of their tumbling and acrobatics was a bit sad, though their song and playful successsion of running about, Victoria in tow, was fun

Macavity was played super well considering he has no lines in the stage show so rather little to go on, and the expansion of his plot was honestly understandable - I mean, CATS has a heck of a thin plot for a musical, let alone a movie

One of the things that bothered me about him was honestly that his song where he is described he is described as ginger and poorly-combed

He's played by Idris Elba and his fur is sleek rich brown

He looks great, but alter the lines, you've already altered several, including Deuteronomy's because of the genderswap

On that note, the plot expansion in general . . . it was way better than I feared

I was afraid they were going to wedge in another plotline alongside the (very thin/hardly there, admitted) one in the stage show and it wouldn't go well

On the other hand the making the Jellicle Ball an official competition was a little eh to me

The more I think about it the less I like it even, really

I suppose it had to be, maybe, to work with expanding Macavity's plot and actions, but I don't care for it (and I think it could probably have been worked around)

I could have done without the queens being actively aggressive to Grizabella, oof that was owch

They recoil and hiss and act like she has the plague or a curse, very disdainful of her, in the stage show, and it works well

Having the queens actively attack her, not only hissing but instead of recoiling circling her and closing in on her to slash at her? It was . . . not good

So I guess the lead queen that I noticed doing that the most is . . . Cassandra? I honestly thought it was supposed to be Bombalurina

Bombalurina only showed up as Macavity's chief singer and queen underling, to distract and drug everyone

Really? Yeah some of the queens sing about Macavity in the stage show, but Bomba is even the one who comforts Demeter when Macavity's presence freaks her out (in what seems like a trauma reaction, rather) in the stage show

I have no idea who is supposed to be Demeter, the queens were all but interchangeable background, really most of the chorus cats were

Which brings up the theme of a lot of the cats being unrecognisable to me, honestly, and/or having their roles remixed a little, or straight-up lessened

Skimbleshanks was awesome, and his song/number was perhaps even better than in the stage show

The tap-dancing along the rails? Awesome

The cats playing around in the sleeper cabin was also pretty great honestly

 I will say when Skimbles appeared my immediate impression was of a very specific within-the-LGBT+-community gay man stereotype

Also I am terribly amused that he's wearing half a suit of clothes and it's the opposite half that he was in the stage production I'm most familiar with

Munkustrap was rather different, still a large part of keeping things going, if not the same way

Less serious than I'm used to? Not that he's only serious, but still

He made the best faces, like, it rescued a few awkward moments

At least a handful of moments that made me go 'this is so very not the Munkustrap I know' characterisation-wise

With the battle removed and a few other things, many of the moments that make his personality shine were gone

No seeing him lunge into action as the Jellicle Protector, basically

No seeing him trying to manage the little play-within-a-play put on for Deuteronomy (even when Tugger causes mischief) although I can't blame them for cutting both of those

No seeing him shield the kittens or younger/other cats without hesitation

Instead there was mostly just the slightly silly characterisation that showed in the moments between in the movie, it seemed to me

Gus the theatre cat was another of those whose song was rewritten to be sung by themselves, though his is the most notable for that, given he barely sings at all in the stage show

I really think it worked better the other way

But they gave me Ian McKellen being awesome in that song so I am okay with this

Also, Gus using a bit of that to scare Growltiger off the ferry and into the Thames? Fabulous

Misto's song - I talked about him and about Deuteronomy's rescue, but the song

I love having it led in by Tugger in the stage show, and I love having Tugger brag him up

Tugger is good at that, honestly, it so suits his style

Misto needs a bit of bragging up, especially for this moment

First of all, changing it up so Misto sings most of it himself instead is a bit sketchy

Changing it so it becomes less of a confident, showy number and instead is Misto being so anxious he can barely sing and constantly checking reactions . . . that made it worse

Next up, changing it from Tugger - who reads as friendly to Misto, in the stage show - leading in Misto's song and encouraging the others to praise him, to Victoria who has only just met him and all the other cats being dubious as they join in. . . I did not like

My shipper heart: why would you take that away it was excellent interaction!

My non-shipper heart: why would you take that away it makes much more sense and it also makes a lovely balance with Misto teasing Tugger during his song and shows that Tugger took it in the light-hearted spirit (they're friends, they're there for each other) it seemed to be

Also that it was so sweet a bit of interplay they took it away from Tugger to give to Misto's Sudden Romantic Interest in the movie, with zero changes otherwise? I have some side-eye.

I already mentioned the rescuing Deuteronomy beats being all wrong, but it also left me thinking we'd be getting less of Misto's song and it was oddly broken-up when we did get more

The catnip usage had me a bit o.O I'll be honest, for several reasons

Erwhat with the drugging everyone in that scene?

The glowing I'm going to assume is to show that it's having an effect on the cats, but it came off a bit weird to me

There were several cats it looked like were 'trying to escape' the catnip who most definitely had/should have already been hit

Also how did the cats assisting Macavity avoid being affected? Bombalurina at first made sense, sprinkling it below herself, none of it after that did

Wow Macavity's song and climax there with the stairs right up to the 'Heaviside Layer' in his stage display? So cocky! An unwise cat

Deuteronomy smacking him down? Very nice

Continuing to do so when he disappeared them both? Even better

I was really rather surprised not to see the melee battle among the cats in the climax with Macavity

Of course that also took away some of the drama, aaand some of the chorus cats, especially the toms', chances to shine

The queens were pretty indistuingishable from each other but at least we saw them somewhat, the toms mostly seemed to be entirely background blur

Growltiger being added in as Macavity's henchcat was actually kind of great? Watching over the kidnapped cats and as a secondary (and subordinate) Bad Tom, yes

In contrast to the mischievous Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer being used that way, I am so there for it

Grizabella was . . . a little disappointing?

She was played wonderfully! But she could have been played more

Seriously, fabulous actress there for her and they did nothing with her other than her songs and crying while singing them?

The stage production I'm familiar with has more than that with her and less time

Let her be proud and trying to gather herself up

Let her be dubious of herself and/or the others

Let her stand aside as though she doesn't even want to rejoin them after being turned aside

Look there's lots more that could have been done in the space there was with her in the movie (and without involving Victoria so much as she was, which was still a bit cringey outside Victoria's song, but at least not so badly)

She 'went with Macavity'? Felt a little unnecessary and also . . . hrm, to me

The stage show doesn't explain why the Jellicles reject her or where she was

I honestly always assumed she left on her own - Grizabella the Glamour Cat? - to make her own way, and eventually fell from grace

It was also a little strange to see her so young

Deuteronomy making the choice also felt . . . a little flat to me

I'm not sure what I was expecting or what the problem was

Regardless, it felt a little lacking somehow

I was impressed with how they had Grizabella's ascension managed, since that would be necessity be rather different from the stage show

Also great for Misto keeping some of his confidence from his song and rescue for this bit

Macavity trying to leap on and hitch a ride to the Heaviside Layer was excellent, and his getting stuck and having his magic not work to get himself un-stuck? Great

I do wonder - is his magic entirely broken, or just not working to catch his ride on Grizabella's balloon again?

The Ad-Dressing of Cats feels a bit awkward in a stage production to me; having a close-up of Judi Dench staring at me in the movie screen, for an extended time, did not make it better

Also the prologue bits about the naming of cats and what a Jellicle is were both changed and so there was no semblance of something similar in the beginning

I still think it would have been awkward, but if it bracketed the movie with the fourth wall breaks it might have worked better

The faces of the three cats close around Deuteronomy as she recited the entirety of that - which felt too long - were the only things that kept it being too awful

Munkustrap was the best in that

Misto looking horrifically embarrassed a few times and hiding behind his hat once . . . oh baby, I feel

'You're a Jellicle now!'

There's a Jellicle Ball once a year, see you then

So . . . for now, goodbye to your butt that was thrown in a sack into a junkyard we immediately ran away from

Rather than it being the Jellicles' (second, in some cases) home

I know your whole arc has been please accept me, see me, give me a place to be

But run off on your own, see you in a year

Seriously Victoria could have followed Misto, or Munkustrap, or Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer, or anyone

Even Munku's mate could have, say, come up and encouraged Victoria to come with them

Not that we saw enough to assume he had one, still don't know who was supposed to be Demeter, but beside the point

It was a rough ending there

. . .I had a lot to say, and I'm not willing to swear that I didn't repeat myself anywhere - if I did I apologise - or skip over things I might have wanted to say. I saw the movie 24 hours ago and wrote most of this when I should have been asleep.

I did enjoy the movie and will probably watch it again - I also plan to watch the Broadway version again very soon (as soon as the library brings it to me) and have been listening to the Broadway soundtrack since yesterday afternoon.

(I may also be writing more for this fandom soon, but we'll see about that.)

#CATS (movie) #CATS (musical) #by way of my rambling references and preferences #Kalira rambles #yelling at M about things #MadMadamM

[entamewitchlulu]

Homura’s Flash Reviews [February 2019]

This will be my first review post for 2019!!  I’m watching winter anime currently which I won’t be reviewing til the season is over, but for those who are interested, here’s what I’m watching for winter!

The Price of Smiles

Ace Attorney

Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka

The Promised Neverland

Mysteria Friends

I’m also gonna be adding a few other things to these Flash Reviews and also review the movies I’ve seen during the month, just cause I rly like having opinions lol.  So without further ado, here are the anime, shows, and movies that I saw this February and January!

Castlevania

Not technically an anime in anything other than style, Castlevania is the animated adaptation of the third Castlevania game, following the adventures of Trevor Belmont, the last of his vampire hunting legacy, Sypha, a nomadic magician, and Alucard Tepes, the son of Dracula and his human wife who was killed by the church, and their struggles to take down Dracula before he wipes out all of humanity.

I don’t know much about Castlevania the games, as they really aren’t my genre, but this adaptation was incredible!!  Proof that video game adaptations can and should strive for greater heights!  The dialogue was funny and witty, the characters were interesting and even the villains were endearing, and there was this incredibly crafted atmosphere of both sadness and hope.  Not to mention, the animation was top notch.  Plus, I have to give it credit for finally letting characters say “fuck” realistically.

overall: 9/10

Futari wa Pretty Cure

The very first, original start of the popular magical girl franchise, Pretty Cure chronicles the tale of Nagisa and Honoka, two very different girls who are brought together when they are chosen to become Pretty Cure, the legendary warriors who will defend light from the darkness!  Together with their mascot friends Mepple and Mipple, and juggling their real lives along with their supernatural battles, Cure Black and Cure White will do whatever it takes to protect the world from evil!

I’ve intended to watch Pretty Cure for literally years now, and no one could agree with where I should start, so I decided to just do what I usually do and watch from the beginning.  I’ve only seen the first season of Pretty Cure and not the Max Heart sequel yet.  Overall, it was about what I expected!  I’m a bit of a sucker for the traditional 2000s magical girl genre, with its repetitive formulas, catchphrases, poses, and the usual five episode plots that every single one of them has.  The designs were super cute and I love how Black and White look so distinct and yet are still clearly a team.  Pollun especially is super adorable!!

Definitely I can see why Pretty Cure became such of a behemoth in the magical girl genre today; it has staying power.  This season was definitely full of a lot of generic magical girl filler, and I will be honest that I started to lose steam for it towards the end, plus the villains were not at all endearing or interesting (like, Poisonny and Regine are both very pretty, and Kiriya was okay, but other than that, no one stands out), but it was still a great and adorable experience that I’m glad I experienced.  I’m not sure when I’ll get to the next series, but I’m sure it won’t be long!

overall: 7/10

Incredibles 2

I took my sweet time going to see this sequel, but here we are.  In the anticipated sequel to the original Incredibles, the family faces new challenges as Elastigirl is scouted by a CEO to help make superheroes legal again, while Mr. Incredible has to learn the challenges of taking care of the family by himself.

 I guess overall it was a good movie and well made for its intended audience.  The animation was pretty good and I usually like their cartoony anatomy designs which are more concerned with a comic-book-esque aesthetic rather than proper anatomy and perfect realism.  Definitely the quality has soared since the first Incredibles.  For me personally though...as much as it was entertaining, in hindsight I don’t think it was really made for me.  There were a lot of plot threads that didn’t seem to get resolved or even addressed.  Bob never fully confronts his jealousy for Helen’s new job, and is never quite confronted about the fact that he hid Jack Jack’s powers from Helen either.  The new superheroes were...honestly not my favorite designs in the world outside of Void, and I felt like their only purpose was to become fight fodder for the final battle, which could have been done with almost any other means.  For as long as the movie was, it felt like a lot of the threads were simply not deeply solved, and only shallowly addressed.  As this is a movie for kids, though, I can look past that; this wasn’t the story for a hugely deep look at things.  It did affect my personal enjoyment, though, but it was still a greatly fun movie to watch.

overall: 7/10

Dragon Ball Super: Broly

Finally coming for the canon after a couple of decades, DBS Broly brings the legendary super Saiyan Broly into the main cast.  When the young Broly is sent away from Planet Vegeta for being too overwhelmingly powerful, he and his father are stranded on a barren planet for forty years, until they are found by some of Frieza’s soldiers and brought into the Frieza Force.  Frieza immediately pits the super powerful Broly up against our heroes Goku and Vegeta, who must pull out every trick in the book in order to stop him from destroying the planet in his growing rage.

I never ever thought I would say this about anything relating to Broly, but GODDAMN that might have been the best Dragon Ball media in years.  Let’s get this part straight: I’ve disliked Broly since he first appeared in the DB movies.  He was boring, had a ridiculous backstory, and was just there to be a Gary Stu to really push Goku and Vegeta to their limits.  But this movie??? This movie singlehandedly shot Broly to my top ten characters in Dragon Ball.  He is endearing, gentle, a recovering abuse victim with a rage he cannot control, and his strength is more dangerous to himself than to those around him.  In TFS’ review of the movie, they made a great point: the real stakes of his movie aren’t whether Broly is going to destroy the planet; they’re whether Broly himself is going to be okay.  I’m focusing a lot on Broly, but Goku and Vegeta are in top form in his movie as well.  It’s great getting to see Vegeta have a massive fight where he isn’t immediately jobbed for Goku’s sake, and Goku himself is at the top of his game as the fun-loving, battle-crazed but still sympathetic hero that he should always be written as.  Not to mention our new additions to the main cast in Cheelai and Lemo, two of Frieza’s soldiers who found and ended up befriending Broly, who are equally endearing and fun especially in their dynamics with Broly himself.  

All in all, this was a fucking excellent movie, and the first DB media that I can imagine wanting to rewatch!

overall: 10/10

Fireworks

When Nazuna is about to move away, she asks Norimichi to come with her to the fireworks, though she plans instead to run away.  When this doesn’t work according to plan, Norimichi finds that a strangle marble belonging to Nazuna has the power to turn back the clock, giving them a second chance to be together.  However, with each reset, they move further and further away from reality -- can they return to a world where they’re able to spend at least one day with each other?

This is pretty much, in a nutshell, everything I love about anime movies.  It’s beautiful, fluid, full of amazing music, and the emotions hit so close to home.  While the story itself doesn’t explain much, it really doesn’t have to -- the surrealism of the surrounding world sells it more than any exposition would, proving you don’t need to slow down your story to explain something as long as you can make people feel something for it.  Despite having so little to know about both Norimichi and Nazuna, I was still more than sold by their romance. And once again, the surrealism of the animation and the story are something that only anime can pull off.  You just can’t do stories like this live action.

The only thing that really dragged this story down were some of the CGI bits, which I found unnecessary and weird against the otherwise gorgeous backgrounds, but I guess this is where animation is going lately so I might have to get used to it.

overall: 8/10

#castlevania #futari wa pretty cure #incredibles 2 #dragon ball super broly #fireworks #homura reviews #homura's flash reviews

[krokonoko]

Doin one of my play by plays of the Pokemon movies.

It’s been a while since the last one! That’s cuz chronologically, we should do the 3rd one next, but the 3rd one is my fav and I’d rant for hours about how good it is and ain’t nobody got time for that, so we gonna skip straight to the fourth one.

I always remembered the fourth movie decidedly unfavorably. It’s categorized in my head as “the one that started the era of Pokemon movies that suck.”

And yeah it’s. Not as good as its predecessors. It was the movie that started the formula of “cute helpless legendary Pokemon needs to be saved from evul ppl.” It was the first one starring Ash’s new German voice actress, which was a big reason for me to stop watching the anime back in the day cuz WOW that new voice was the most grating thing in existence.

But looking back, I feel like I did the movie injustice. I think it’s got a lot of neat moments, and some that I honestly love, if only for their silliness. So let’s do this.

We start with music rehashed from the first movie. Not a good look, though that’s probably 4Kids fault.

GOD that cgi is ugly. And even worse, it was already back in the day!! There was never a time when this looked good.

wow thanks lady that looks gross af

those are some big ass nidoran

Oh no, the evil guy is weakening Celebi in order to catch it...! ...Wait that’s what we’re doin all day long in the games.

Honestly, it never made sense to my why the plot of the anime was so often revolving around keeping people from catching wild Pokemon? I mean I guess Team Rocket wants to use them for bad things, but Ash & Co. usually justified them keeping Team Rocket from catching wild Pokemon with accusations like “These Pokemon don’t belong to you!” ...bitch, yeah, they don’t belong to you either, they don’t belong to anyone, that’s why we’re catching them, that’s the entire purpose of the goddamn franchise?

And if the problem here is that this guy wants to catch a legendary Pokemon, then why am I required to catch legendaries to advance the plot in the games?

The cutest fucking Tyranitar.

What IS this guy’s outfit. Also will you believe me if I tell you it took me over 15 years to figure out this dude is a Team Rocket member?

“The Pokemon I catch with these balls become evil, and their powers are immediately maximized.”

Ah sure that sounds scientific and only slightly OP.

The title screen doesn’t exactly help the impression that this movie is severely half-assed, even if it’s made by 4Kids.

I also think it’s really funny that the English name of the movie is this run of the mill punny 4Kids bs. I mean. 4Kids. 4Ever. Wow. What ingenuity. And the German translation team took a look at that and went “NOPE, not doin it”, and called it “The timeless encounter”.

We’re about to see a Croconaw!!! :DDD

Will I ever be over the fact that Brock’s cute tiny Zubat evolved into a badass Crobat while I wasn’t looking? Nah.

Ah there it is, Ash’s new voice... You gotta understand, I had this huge crush on Ash when I was ~10yo, and his voice was a big part of that. So when it got replaced, I didn’t exactly take it well. Also the new one was doin its best to be even more grating than the English one. THEN AGAIN, the voice actress actually isn’t that bad in this movie and Mewtwo Returns.

HE.

No one knows how to actually pronounce Suicune until you hear someone else say it in a certain way and you go “NO that’s NOT how you say it!!”

I love how the old lady with the green hair is revealed to be the guardian of the entry to the forest since she was young. It’s just so funny how we just saw her jump about 30 foot off a tree as a teenager when Sammy was about to enter the forest, and go like “/game grumps zelda voice/ heeey kid, s’just a legend or whatever, but timetravel, it’s a thihiiing! Here, have some bread! byeee!” And then the kid vanished, and now she’s this grumpy old hag who waves her staff at everyone coming past her house like “DON’T EVEN FUCKING DARE GETTING CLOSE TO THAT FUCKING FOREST OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL KICK YUR ASS!!”

babies babies bABIES

That Stantler is fucking legendary. Idk how it is in the English version, but in the German dub, it’s just got the most normal voice. Like, often the ppl voicing Pokemon will kind of talk in a hissing tone, or make their voice sound deeper or whatever, but this Stantler sounds like a completely normal dude just matter-of-factly stating: “Damhir. Plex.”

And instead of, idk, holding Celebi into the water at the edge, Sammy walks into the lake, clothes and backpack and everything, and squats there like a tool. I mean I get it, the imagery is much stronger like this, but couldn’t he at least taken off the shoes? The backpack? THAT’S GOT HIS NOTEBOOK IN IT???

I love them. Every single one of them is so valid.

Nothing to see here, just a pretty shot.

I really like these old anime glow effects~

The best part about Celebi healing Misty’s knee is how she doesn’t just slowly try to put weight on it or something, but straight up jumps around on it. Ride or die, man.

This is one of my fav moments in the entire movie, cuz you got Celebi cruisin around in the foreground, and the boys sitting there, looking at the viewer with this exact vacant stare for multiple seconds without making a noise or moving.

You know, I mean... the first two Pokemon movies were some pretty basic stuff. Esp. The second one was really just a McGuffin hunt. But this one is just such a poster child for the plot that would be recycled in Pokemon movies like no other. The entire narrative has completely halted. All we are doing is watching Ash, Sammy and Celebi bond. There are no stakes and no tension, except for the fact that the Pokemon hunter is still on the lose but he’s so forgettable, who honestly even still cares about him?

And the thing is, this bonding between Ash, Sammy and Celebi is important so they can save Celebi from turning evil later, but it still rings kinda hollow what with the montage they’re getting of all the fun times they had for the last, say two hours?

The much more important thing, which puts this movie a bit ahead of most other Pokemon movies with this structure, is that Ash isn’t just bonding with the legendary of the week, but also with Sammy.

And Sammy isn’t just a bff of the week, but an established core cast character. Imho, that’s what makes the movie worthwhile.

The dumb thing about this is that Celebi didn’t even get corrupted for any good reason. It was literally just “yeah it was in that weird pokeball for a sec now it’s evil.” ^^°

cgicune

I remember first watching this movie and this was the point where I honestly started hating it because I was so disgusted by how unimaginative everything about this... ball? is...

yeah no, this is just. really really bad.

OKAY here’s another thing. WHY did Suicune turn up now?

On the one hand I do realize I like this movie more than I thought I did. On the other hand I’m starting to see why it was such a problem for me back then. This movie is just trying to copy formulas from the prior ones without really. Working for it. Remember Lugia and Ash working together? Lugia saving Ash and all that? Wasn’t that cool?

Yeah but there was also a reason for WHY Lugia stepped in and WHY they helped Ash. It was Lugia’s task to step in in case the three birds started fighting. And Ash was the chosen one. It’s flimsy as fuck, but it worked.

What’s Suicune’s connection to all of this? They’re... sorta like... another guardian of the forest. Cool. Then why didn’t they step in the moment the hunter attacked Celebi? There’s no real reason for them to save Ash and Sammy, except for the fact that they’re protags and they need plot shield.

Everything about the writing in this movie makes it so obvious even to a young teenager that this is just ticking boxes.

The thing is, the first three movies had at least one character developing. It took a human’s sacrifice for Mewtwo to learn the value of life, both of the life of others and their own. In the second movie, Ash had to live up to the responsibility of being the chosen one. And the third movie is just amazing and Molly is a really interesting character, she overcomes a deep grief and learns that escapism is not the answer to her problems and it’s just all around the best Pokemon movie of all time it’s got so much emotional depth idek where to start.

But here... Who learned anything? Who developed? And I think that’s where later Pokemon movies fall short. There’s not a lot of character development, and even if there is any, it just rehashes of the old movies. And while I couldn’t have put it into words like that when I was a young teen, I think that’s part of what bothered me so much about this one. 

Also what’s with this bs talk about the lake being polluted or the forest dying? A couple of trees got uprooted and there’s a bit of dirt, honest to god nothing but soil and stuff, in the lake. Give it a couple of months and it’s gonna be fine. It’s not like there’s toxic waste in the water or anything.

I mean you could say the forest is dying cuz Celebi is dying, but by the logic of the movie, it was the other way around! And honestly, nothing in the background even looks like its wilting at ALL. So this really doesn’t leave much of an impression.

Fuck this, this is not earned.

At this point, the hunter guy is just bullying Celebi.

And this little overpowered dingdong can’t even free itself from some dude grabbing it. Okay sure so Ash needs to save it againnnn what are the emotional stakes hereee

ANYWAY. It was all worth it for the only actual plot twist in the history of Pokemon movies:

And I actually really, really like this one. It’s not just an awesome twist but also a super sweet moment between Ash and Prof. Oak that deepens their bond.

So yeah, I think I already said everything I had to say about this one. Kind of the beginning of the end for Pokemon movies. Not saying there aren’t some winners in between, but man did they get formulaic. And the recent attempts to break up said formula are. Questionable at best. It seems like Pokemon can’t really escape itself, though I’m sure if they wanted they could create meaningful stories like the first or third movies or just solid, fun action movies like the second one again.

#Pokemon #Pokemon movies #rob rants #Celebi

[tearlessrain]

so this turned into Scorpion King: Book of Souls Liveblog Part 1, because I got started late. witness a bunch of people trying to make one man’s considerable hotness singlehandedly carry an entire hour and a half long movie with very limited success under the cut.

I do want to state right up front that there’s only one reason I’m watching this and that reason is that for some reason zach mcgowan is the protagonist, so I’m not really up to date on the whole mummy/scorpion king franchise, the last one I saw was the one with all the jackal dudes and that was a while ago. so I have no idea what’s going on.

oh good they’re just going to town with the exposition, very thoughtful

so if the sword was forged in the fires of hell by anubis then who the heck did they fight when they were taking on the jackal headed dudes because I kinda assumed

are these two series actually related or

holy shit this is so Extra already look at this shit

y’all this is my jam I am living right now

also as people following my art blog may note, I am a huge fan of black and gold aesthetics. this movie is really just ticking off all my boxes right off the bat, it’s terrible, but five stars.

they’re REALLY going to town with the exposition

sword forged in the fires of hell that condemns souls to “the neverending darkness” and must be somehow destroyed... are we talking about anubis or sauron here.

this is just lord of the rings, but bad and with a sword. lord of the sword.

okay prologue is over and some dudes have smashed their way into a tomb. if the last however many mummy movies have taught me anything it’s that this might potentially be a bad idea

I love how they’re just not even setting up any of the characters we’re just diving right in I’m getting strong “yeah you all know the drill by now” vibes here

#squadgoals

really though the gal on the left is pretty badass, she hasn’t done or said a single thing but I respect her and her bootleg Xena vibe

and like shoutout for putting at least one actual black guy in egypt I guess

so I guess the one in the middle is... psychic or something? not that “hey if you plunder this blatantly cursed tomb it might be bad” requires psychic powers to know but

I mean that giant black sarcophagus they found recently in real life turned out fine I’m sure this will be great go nuts dude

uh oh it’s the fang of sauron anubis

oh that doesn’t seem good, but it’s actually the better option since for a second there I thought there were pulling a “black guy dies first” in ancient goddamn egypt

wait we’re still doing exposition okay the narrator is back. hi narrator I missed you.

look  I know it’s campy and all but can we take a sec to unironically appreciate how wicked COOL this guy looks with his glowing eyes and crap. this movie is just so satisfying to look at, every single shot has been peak aesthetic

“SEND THE BIRD” and then it’s actually just a regular bird that was anticlimactic

HOLY GREENSCREEN BATMAN

holy FUCK WE’RE ONLY JUST NOW AT THE TITLE SEQUENCE WHAT

okay I guess now we’re going to ACTUALLY start the movie, third time’s a charm

and we’re off to a fantastic start my friends

and judging by the choices of the cameraman in this scene I can tell they’re trying desperately to distract me from the fact that the dialogue sounds like it was generated by a neural network that was fed several dozen mediocre fantasy novels.

it’s working.

I am being personally attacked. god.

oh no some people on horses are coming I assume from the background music that this is a bad thing

OH it’s bootleg Xena and her merry band of deeply mediocre extras okay

I understand the adorable small child’s father must die but must it be at the hands of the worst mediocre extra. seriously he’s been on screen for five seconds and I already hate him.

I guess the protagonist’s name is Matthias, other writers might have let us know that when he was introduced, but these guys know damn well that it literally does not matter what his name is. they could have had her ride up and be like “we’re looking for a man named Jebediah Switchboard McDougal” and anyone who’s voluntarily watching this movie in the first place would just be like “that’s fair”

yeah just in case you weren’t sold after the blacksmithing or the hunting scenes, let’s have him just singlehandedly take down half a dozen ninjas in less than a minute. just fuck me up

oh shit they shot him

oh shit they shot him again

they’re just boromir-ing the hell out of this dude

and yet he’s still going to town on those ninjas

NO NOT THE ADORABLE CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

I’ve decided I don’t like bootleg Xena after all

it’s a good thing he’s got three arrows embedded in his torso because that is the worst cage ever. it’s made of like. bamboo and string. have you seen this man’s arms how did they expect that to effectively contain him.

whoa it’s... BOOTLEG XENA 2.0: GOOD GUY EDITION

or not. she didn’t free him or anything she just killed his original captors and then took off with the cage with him in it

no I think she is good she’s... healing him? by... getting scorpions to sting the hell out of him? has the FDA approved this.

I’m sorry I can’t take this scene seriously the background music is way too close to the “ooga chakas” from hooked on a feeling. also the sheer degree to which they’re pulling a reverse male gaze here is kinda overshooting sexy straight into unintentionally funny. I mean I know this is the entire reason I’m watching this insanity but like even I think this is excessive.

“the scorpion king escaped” that is giving him way too much credit he was stolen by the superior bootleg Xena.

and in case NONE of the previous things drew your attention away from the lack of a plot, here’s just straight up nudity because why not.

I thought I had a thing for zach mcgowan but I’ve got nothing on this cameraman.

also there’s some kind of “reluctant chosen one king” thing going on I guess but like they literally couldn’t have put less effort into it

I haven’t heard people this concerned about what the moon is doing since I left evergreen state college

aaand apparently he can see and speak to... ghosts now? ghosts that spit thousands of arrows from the sky? know what why not I’ll accept literally anything at this point.

oh they aren’t ghosts they’re just really sneaky dudes

it’s a shame jebediah switchboard’s one and only weakness is extremely shitty cages because he sure ends up in them a lot

hmmmm we’re getting some uncomfortable racist undertones and misogyny in one go okay. not worse than I would expect from a movie of this.... caliber, but I’m not thrilled, especially since this whole situation has yet to have a single actual point to it.

actually okay it’s veered quickly away from “rudyard kipling-esque Vague Native Tribe Encounter” and into... some kind of weird mad max thing mixed with a D&D campaign that’s gone wildly off the rails. but they’re on thin fucking ice.

I really appreciate that matthias is approaching this situation with exactly the same strategy with which I play skyrim, which is “sneak up on everybody one at a time even though there are a ton of them and that shouldn’t be possible, shoot them all with a bow you looted off one of them”

and now they’re just... suddenly free and back on their horses, then matthias had a vague fake deep exchange with the leader and they rode away. there literally was no reason for that entire interlude. nothing happened, there wasn’t character development or anything. this godforsaken movie could have been ten minutes shorter.

“the plot is down there, just past that greenscreen” is what I heard there.

I’m sorry I’m dying for some reason all I’m getting from this visual is “wait are you saying the panel is all the way on the other side of the convention center” like the costumes are just mediocre enough that in bright light they don’t look like they’re actually actors in a movie.

the moon’s rising. but I can’t for the life of me remember why that’s important. she’s got some kinda egyptian steampunk millennium rod though.

okay the lenses must align with the cipher. did anyone mention a cipher before who knows.

good job matthias you solved the moon puzzle and your prize is a metric ton of blue jello.

all right through the jello portal they go. to find the book of souls, probably.

in this case I actually do need more exposition. are we just not gonna explain ancient egyptian jello narnia. no. okay.

stop forcing zach mcgowan to be quippy I know all the cool movies are doing it but this is neither the time nor the place nor the actor for it.

oh my god they’re being attacked by a rock golem thing and I don’t think a screenshot can fully capture how bad the cgi is. not of the rock monster itself, but trying to integrate it with the real actors and set pieces was... oof.

okay a mostly naked woman has risen out of some nearby water and called off the rock golem with no explanation. why not.

neither of them looks into this so much as confused as hell

honestly, same.

oh god no they’re trying to make the rock golem be the comic relief this movie never needed. please don’t. you can barely handle writing the plot relevant dialogue now’s not the time to get fancy. I take it back, trying to make zach mcgowan be quippy was actually somehow not the worst option.

she IS the book of souls!

okay that’s a pretty cool visual I’ll give them that. digging the iridescent moon tattoo.

and that seems like a reasonable stopping point because I started this kind of late and have to get up for class in the morning. tune in tomorrow for, I assume, more of zach mcgowan running around in various states of undress while absolutely nothing coherent happens around him.

#tearless liveblogs #to be completely honest I'm not even sure what it is about this guy #like as you are all painfully aware I tend to lean way more toward androgyny but like #apparently I'll also take 'the concept of a panther but applied to a human being' #seriously though he cannot do the quippy marvel thing just accept that and don't try to force it

[nonbinarysasquatch]

The Last Jedi thoughts

Man… it’s been awhile since I’ve gone to the movies and seen a movie so dense and complex that I knew it was going to take multiple rewatches to absorb everything.

And make no mistake: in terms of characterization this is arguably the most complex Star Wars film. It’s certainly the most dense. That doesn’t necessarily = to THE BEST Star Wars film but it’s certainly not a simple one. Things aren’t cut and dry here. Every single character is portrayed as complicated and flawed. Well, maybe aside from Hux who is still the same douchey pathetic Nazi he was in TFA…

There’s really far too much that happened in this film to get all of my thoughts into a single review. It was a long fucking movie that was very eventful. Like when you compare with TFA… it’s just ridiculous how jam packed with character beats and development. And that’s not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea.

What else isn’t gonna be everyone’s cup of tea? Well, if you’re the sort who thinks everyone is either perfect cinnamon rolls or PROBLEMATIC then you are probably gonna hate this film. Much like ESB allowed Luke to make a supreme failure in facing Vader too early and not completing his training with Yoda, the characters fuck up a lot in this movie even though they have their hearts in the right places (I do have some minor quibbles with Finn but I’ll get to that.)

If you don’t like complex, flawed characters you’re probably gonna fucking hate this movie. Poe fucks up. He’s not totally wrong though in the choices he makes. It’s COMPLICATED. And I love that shit. But hey, a lot of you are gonna hate that shit. You don’t like characters fucking up and you don’t like them being assholes sometime. But me? I love it. It’s great. Give me complicated characters over big, flawless heroes any day.

Finn is a slight exception. I love pretty much every character’s role in this movie but Finn. I don’t HATE what they did with Finn in this movie but I do feel like his decision to cut and run doesn’t make a ton of sense with his TFA characterization. And he did kind of just end up once again getting dragged along the ride and being Rose’s sidekick. But he did get to kill Phasma so that was something. But I do hope he gets be more of a hero in Episode 9 than he was here. And OH GOD I just realised that Finn wanting to take off may be a subtle parallel with Han in ESB. Granted, motivations are different but this film handles all the ESB parallels with much greater subtlety than TFA (and my god there are SO MANY ESB parallels in this goddamn movie and I’m sure I’ll notice more on rewatches.)

A big part of why I’m slightly OK with Finn’s story in this is that I LOVED Rose’s story and just Rose in general was one of the best things about this movie. And even though I hate “hey, I just met you we’re in love now plots” I actually thought the romance was subtle and not done terribly. It ain’t Stormpilot but I was never naive enough to think they’d make that canon.

Poe was amazing in this movie. FLAWED but amazing. And we got so much more of him than TFA (where he was actually MIA for most of the movie.) I’m looking forward to seeing him as the probable leader of the Resistance in Episode 9.

I loved Admiral Holdo (who is definitely Leia’s ex-girlfriend.) I loved that she didn’t end up just a villain and that there was this thing where like… both the young and old characters had wisdom and things they were right and wrong about. It was complex and that’s just… far more what life is like. I’m a bit iffy on whether her sacrifice makes much sense mechanically but I’ll allow it.

LEIA. Carrie Fisher was so fucking good in this movie. I’m so bummed we’ll never get to see what role she would’ve got to do in Episode 9. The effect of her using the force to save herself wasn’t 100% convincing but it was still a powerful moment. I’m so glad she and Luke got to have a reunion.

I… never thought I’d say this but I think this film succeeded in making Kylo Ren more interesting and complex. And I love that they did that BUT doubled down on him being THE WORST. Oh, I still don’t care about this shithead and want him to get what’s coming to him. A lot of how I feel about him in this film will be affected by what they do with him in Episode 9. I know that with Carrie dead his arc is gonna be left feeling a bit broken. I know that he’ll still probably get a redemption but as long as he dies for that redemption I’m probably cool. Granted, that will mean no more Skywalkers but at this point I’m accepting that this story has become about more than the Skywalker family.

Rey. Rey was awesome in this movie. Parallels to Luke in ESB are the most obvious of the parallels here but in this case the dynamic is a bit different. For one thing Rey is just… not as much of a wet mop as Luke in ESB. She’s fierce and isn’t taking no for an answer. She doesn’t whine about how hard things are. I mean to be fair, that’s just because she’s a bigger badass than Luke in ESB. I was anticipating Rey to be a random so that wasn’t much of a surprise though I DO think there’s still wiggle room. While, I don’t think Kylo was lying to her (though it’s also believable that he might’ve been) even if he wasn’t there’s always the possibility that she may have been adopted and Kylo didn’t see that far back into her past. But I’m more than OK if she is just a random.

Luke. I sort of want to be an asshole and go I told you so re: Rey needing to restore Luke’s faith in the Jedi. But I won’t. But I love Luke in this film. Yeah, they could’ve given us badass noble Luke but instead we get flawed, complicated Luke. I love the multiple POVs of him confronting Ben in his sleep and having that momentary urge to strike him down. I thought the writing for Luke’s monologue over that final version was fantastic. Just A+ on managing to preserve what is great about Luke and allowing him to be a flawed character.

YODA. I didn’t expect to see Yoda. That looked like a puppet? Or else clever CGI meant to look like a puppet. But that was neat. And another obvious ESB parallel (with Obi-Wan.) And uh… apparently force ghosts can become pretty powerful. Which finally makes Obi-Wan’s boast to Vader in ANH make sense. Actually it also helps make the big deal ROTS made about Yoda learning from Qui-Gon about maintaining your identity after death even better.

I’m sure my thoughts on this film will evolve on rewatches but I feel like just talking about it makes me like it more and more. It speaks to how dense and jam packed this film was that there’s tons of other things I keep forgetting to mention. 

And I know there will be lots of fandom meta that will recontextualise and examine things. But I feel pretty damn great about this film. I don’t have the same feeling I had coming out of TFA but that was a one time thing. I definitely enjoyed it more than Rogue One (which I enjoyed but felt had a weak first half.) Aside from being too long and some issues with Finn’s role in the film… I think everything else the film did was pretty amazing and somehow managed to parallel the fuck out of ESB without copying it directly.

#star wars #the last jedi #I'm so glad I didn't hate this movie #I saw it and thor: ragnarok today #and while I enjoyed both #I feel completely comfortable saying TLJ was a better movie on the whole #but I'll get to thor later #it was fun

[frankcastled]

i started reading this article basically saying infinity war is going to suck. and then i got to the end and realized it was from a small college’s newspaper and then laughed because it’s not even relevant, but i’m gonna take this chance to just add to the discourse™

the article was basically going on and on about how these superheroes are the same boring shit (they cited how if you go back and rewatch the avengers or winter soldier or any of the older movies, you HAVE to be bored to tears in their first hour before anything really exciting happens) and the thing is, if that’s what you think (and they cited they used to be excited by it, which is part of their disappointment with the movies nowadays), then you just really don’t fundamentally understand what these movies are about. 

i’m mostly writing this because it’s my blog and i like the discourse™ and any excuse to write about things i love and defending them to the death is also a passion of mine, so here we go. 

so, with harry potter, the thing most people who don’t like it don’t get, is that it’s SO much more than the plots. what i am drawn to whenever i read a book or watch a movie or get overly obsessed with any sort of media or entertainment is when they are CHARACTER DRIVEN. these stories are fundamentally first and foremost are about the characters, because without great characters, then yeah it becomes mindless and boring and you’re putting them through shit just for the sake of it. characters need to grow and develop, otherwise, yeah, you are going to be reading the same shit over and over with minor differences. and while characters are arguably a small piece of a giant puzzle, they are still are at the front of it all and i think that’s important to note, especially with respects to marvel. 

the reason why the MCU has worked and does work SO well is because these are character driven stories. they are first and foremost about the characters. that’s why the whole universe works, because we get to see these characters develop and grow. we get to see what they do when put into these intense and different situations. WE GET TO SEE WHAT THEY ARE LIKE WHEN THEY CROSSOVER AND MEET EACH OTHER AND INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER. the thing with these movies (and i think a lot of superhero movies and franchises in general), is that you have to have solid and well developed characters because that’s who they are about. they’re about these heroes and, i think, that’s part of the reason why DC has seen less success as an extended universe. 

the dceu has not built their characters the way marvel took the time to do. pre-justice league we got man of steel, wonder woman, batman v superman and suicide squad. in justice league we were introduced to aquaman, cyborg and flash. in one film. three major characters were introduced in a huge crossover event. and even before justice league was batman v superman where batman was introduced as was wonder woman. and the thing is, the only character that had been at all established was superman. yeah, most people knew who batman was and the basics. but the thing is, this was the first iteration of batman as far as the dceu is concerned. before that, batman had been done by different people and directors and was a different interpretation of the character. however, we can’t rely on those previous batmans because affleck’s bruce wayne is a very different interpretation to all the versions that came before him and that was dc’s first big mistake.

and that’s not to say you can’t have a successful character introduction in a crossover event like this. civil war displayed just how well you can do that by having black panther and spider-man show up for the first time in this movie (spider-man for the first time as this particular version of himself). the thing is, civil war was not about black panther or spider-man. they were introduced, but as supporting players. they were never the main characters, they were never who the story is about. civil war is first and foremost about tony stark and steve rogers and their role in the world and how they fit in. we know who they both are. by this time, tony has had three solo films and has been in two avengers movies. this is steve’s third “solo” film and he’s as well establish as tony stark. we know them and we understand the stakes of this movie. we understand why they get into this huge battle and why their relationship is fractured in the end. 

in contrast, you have batman, whose name is in the goddamn title of the movie, being introduced in this movie. we don’t know what this version is supposed to be like. why he would he do the things he does. yeah, if you’re well versed in the comics and past movies, it’s easy enough to pick up the characterization. everyone has heard of batman, at the very least. the big difference is though, especially in these superhero films, you can’t assume the audience understands the characters. you have to develop them and establish them. this is what the dceu has been unable to do (with two minor exceptions) and what marvel has done so well. this is why marvel movies continue to do well. people are not responding to the stories and the cgi and the explosions (at least, that’s not the MAIN draw of these movies by now), the main draw is the characters. the familiarity. we know these characters. we’ve been following them for ten years. 

and listen, i have nothing against dceu, so don’t @ me. i’m just using dceu vs the mcu as a point of comparison and you’re more than welcome to disagree, and i’m not going to lie and say i’m well versed in the dceu because i’m not. i’ve seen four of five films and only once each, but my points still stand.

anyway, so, characters. that’s what the mcu is about, character driven stories. that’s the first thing to understand.

so, the second thing, and this is probably my own personal little thing, but part of the reason why i love love love rereading harry potter even though i’ve read these books a thousand times over is because of all the missed nuances. remember that feelings when you read Half-Blood Prince and then fucking realized THE FUCKING LOCKET HAD BEEN IN GRIMMAULD PLACE THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE IT WAS THE DAMN LOCKET THEY COULDN’T FUCKING OPEN IN THE FIRST FUCKING THIRD OF THE BOOK. REMEMBER THAT FEELING OF JUST BEING HIT BY A TRAIN OF REALIZATION AND BEING LIKE “HOLY SHIT” AND HAVING THAT CONNECTION MADE? i fucking love that feeling. it’s like a drug. i love rereading and realizing all the little things that i missed. for example, in goblet of fire, the first fucking chapter, and reading how the old riddle house had pretty much been abandoned except frank bryce still lived there and tended to the garden because some old man had bought the property and let him stay there to keep it up AND THEN IT HIT ME THAT OLD MAN WAS A THOUSAND PERCENT DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE WHO ELSE COULD IT FUCKING BE? AND YOU JUST KNOW DUMBLEDORE WOULD BUY UP VOLDEMORT’S GRANDPARENTS’ OLD HOUSE ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW DUMBLEDORE HAS BASICALLY BEEN RESEARCHING AND GETTING TO KNOW VOLDEMORT AS INTIMATELY AS POSSIBLE BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT’S SUCH A DUMBLEDORE THING TO KEEP ON FRANK BRYCE BECAUSE HE’S BEEN OSTRACIZED BY THE TOWN AND WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FIND WORK ANYWHERE ELSE OR LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE (and okay so i don’t think this has been confirmed, but you can’t convince me otherwise and it doesn’t deter from my point). and i just love fucking have those “aha!” moments. it’s what i live and breathe for. and if you let enough time pass and let yourself forget the tiny details, it’s almost like rereading again. 

rewatching the mcu is no different. just all the little details i miss the first time around or realizing just how well planned these movies are when  you realize that a clue was planted seven movies ago that sets up this later movie. that’s not to say these movies are perfect, but they’re damn well done and like any extended series or franchises, there are little clues and references and set ups that span through all the films that lead up to this one moment and that’s the kind of shit i live for. this is why i’m not bored out of my mind when i rewatch, because i know there’s always going to be something new. something i missed when i watched the first time or the second or third or tenth time. there’s always something new to be discovered and excited about. 

and okay, so i’m only just realizing how much i love movies and how every detail and nuance is planned out. i’m not a film major or anything and i’ve never taken a proper film class in my life, but i’ve read here and there and understand that every aspect of a scene and how they’re set up is important. i’m slowly learning how important cinematography is to a film and costume design and just how elaborate sets can be and how much work and planning goes into movies. how the angle of the camera is important and why movies are colored the way they are. i’m realizing that song choices and soundtracks are insanely important and always have meaning-- in a good movie, anyway. and that’s another thing about the mcu. the more you analyze the shit out of these movies, the more you realize just how much thought was put into the soundtracks and the costumes and the make-up. every time james gunn tweets a new fact about guardians, my mind is blown. in fact, going back to my frenzy for reliving things i like, he’s always explicitly said that there’s clue in guardians 2 to rocket’s creator. he’s yet said anything publicly if anyone has gotten it right, but you know this means that there’s loads of shit that was missed? that’s what makes these movies so fascinating to watch. there’s always something new to discover. that’s not to say other movies don’t do the same, but mcu does it so so so so well. 

and i think i just take issue when people affirm something like that, where every person has to be bored out of their minds rewatching the mcu, because the fact of the matter, if you really understand what these movies are about and you really understand what they’re doing, you’ll never be bored. there’s so much to unpack, that, as a fan, i cannot honestly say i get bored watching because i’m so excited to see it all come together. 

again, if you’re not a fan, then yeah, you won’t get excited. you won’t care. and that’s fine. there are plenty of other genres and stories that explore what the mcu does, so mad respect if superheroes are not your thing. but not caring is fundamentally different than not understanding what these movies are about and what they say about heroes. about society. about us. and that’s what i take issue with, because they (the aforementioned article) seem to have at one point liked these movies. 

and yeah, people sometimes grow up and get over these things, as the author of the article clearly did, but to say that people are just getting frenzied over the same story and plot being told over and over with nothing new to add? bull-fucking-shit. 

a good example: the thor trilogy. 

i fucking love thor. always have, but i can also acknowledge he’s been the weakest of the avengers with their own solo films. that’s not thor’s fault, though, that has a lot to do with directors, writers, etc. 

but that disclaimer aside, i love this character so much for various reasons that have been pointed out. firstly, he’s mad smart. i think thor gets played up a lot as the dumb, pretty boy of the avengers. you have tony stark, the charismatic tech genius. steve rogers who is a great strategist in the battle filed. bruce banner who is another freaking scientific genius. and then thor who is from another world and so looks not as smart.

except he’s totally the only one who knows what’s going on in the entire fucking grand scheme of things. he knows what the tesseract is. he knows about the infinity stones. he’s the one who is most connected because he’s connected to both the shit going on in space and to the shit happening on earth. shit, this guy is the one who points out there difference between tattoos and brands to fucking geniuses. 

anyway, my point is, thor has been tragically under utilized in favor of more popular heroes, but then taika motherfucking waititi walked into our lives and finally gave thor the spotlight he deserves. 

which comes back around to my whole character development rambling. throughout a lot of the movies we see the way loki is able to trick thor, using his little holographic abilities. time and time again, but then by ragnarok, thor has learned and now throw objects at loki to know if he’s really there or not. in fact, he’s now two steps ahead of his brother when he anticipates his betrayal BECAUSE HE’S CAUGHT ON FINALLY BECAUSE OF COURSE HE WOULD. he’s been caught up throughout these movies trying to tell people about the infinity stones and freaking out even though no one else did, but of course he was freaking out. 

in other words, thor’s story by the time we get to the end is the most transformative. you cannot tell me you’re bored with ragnarok because it’s the same shit over and over again, because it isn’t. the character himself has changed so much, on top of which the story and the plot and everything about ragnarok is so different than ANY mcu movie before it.

the same can be said for black panther-- while not out yet-- it’s clear that it’s not the same old mcu film as the ones before it. rather than focusing on politics and human problems and squabbles, we’re clearly going to get a more culturally significant and rich story. i don’t want to go on too much about a movie i haven’t seen, so i’ll leave it there since that’s based off my brief skimming of spoiler-free reviews, but-- i think it’s clear that these praises for black panther are not coming from those who are in a frenzied panic over superhero movies, but from genuine movie lovers who are reacting to a huge step forward in the way superhero movies are done. 

infinity war has the benefit of having well established characters. yes, it’s a HUGE cast, but that’s the thing, we know who everyone is. we don’t need to spend time trying to work out who is who and what they’re doing because we already know. we’ve been following them and just like age of ultron jumped right into the action from the first scene, infinity war will undoubtedly do the same and get right into the thick of things. 

and that’s not to say, infinity war could be a surprise bomb. and if you’re not into these movies, then yeah, it might not be your thing. no hard feelings. 

but again, you have to understand these movies and these characters and stories before you can jump into an event like infinity war, because once you do, i think there’s very little that the russo brothers can do to disappoint. 

anyway, if you read this, i’m sorry. 

#rosie cries about marvel #for a long long time #i'm just vomiting words into a place for me to look back on later